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She rested her chin in her palm and observed him as he flipped through the pages of the notebook. The sunlight through the kitchen window settled on his shoulders, outlining him in rays of gold. She found herself taking note of the way his hair, perpetually messy and wild as it was, overlapped in silvery waves and framed his face, contrasting with his tan complexion. The windswept look suited him, especially considering how much time he likely spent flying across the desert in that motor-
"I wouldn't be so hasty, if I were you, kid." Another voice spoke from the shadows of the dimly lit room, and as the stranger stepped forward, Rui tightened her grip on Wes' coat in horror; there was no mistaking that unnerving voice, that brightly colored hair, and suddenly she was back in the burlap sack again, choking between shouts and sobs and gasping for air in the stifling heat—
Trudly tipped his head back and looked her dead in the eyes, lips curling over chipped teeth in a taunting sneer.
Rui feeling useless because of how sheltered she is is something that's easy to relate to for me, and likely a lot of other readers, too.
The scene between Wes and Renna ran kind of long for me. The interpersonal tension feels like it's kept at the same level for a long time, which can dull it towards the end, and I feel like that happened with me, at least.
Chapter Whatever
A nice, fun chapter! I like it whenever we get Pokemon POV, serious or hijinks.
Chapter 16
Reading through the changelog, these all seem like reasonable changes to make. I actually hadn't thought of ever doing this for any of my stories, but I'm better off knowing this is an option if I end up needing to retcon something but just don't have the spoons or time for revisions.
It works well to establish how big a threat a new villain is by showing the previously-biggest villain squirm under their power. Definitely a chilling introduction.
Lon having a Shadow Pokemon is a cool twist. Brought in an "oh shit" moment while also giving us more Lon character development. But the biggest "oh shit" is definitely at the end. It pulls the rug from under you very fast, and the previous scene being so chill adds to the suddenness of the tonal shift.
I think that's all I have! Not very much, I know, but that's just the way my brain's been lately. Good luck in writing onward - I know you're still on hiatus (?) and that you've been feeling poor about it, but honestly, take all the time you need. We readers are patient, and you're a friend to boot.
Lol, Wes is NOT gonna get rid of Rui that easily. Especially when Neo and Novo are as attached as they are.
I sincerely love when stories constantly have a “what now” feeling and OSAS seems to fit that dynamic perfectly. Phenac lockdown time! I bet it’s gonna go soooooo well.
Wes: ”I’ll criminal my way out.”
Rui: “We could just… y’know… wait?”
Lol, Wes really should have just let Rui do the talking. He’s definitely getting made here.
Oh yeah, and the guards are being suuuuuper suspicious. I can see where this is going, and I’m down for this lol.
I love the depiction of protect here. Psychic shields blocking literally everything? And you get to watch it hit the shield? My kind of chaotic action already.
Oh DAMN, 3 shadow mons? And there’s 2 regulars in there? Wes has his work cut out for him here.
YES WES GETS HIS OWN SHADOW MON
As a small aside, I really really like this as a story beat and am already anticipating Rui’s (probably upset) reaction.
The literal only critique I have for the battle here is a personal stylistic preference. I’d have the “moves” not be described with just the move names and have you describe the effects of the attacks better.
Otherwise, it’s violent and chaotic and kinetic. I love the focus on the makuhita as he full on batters his way through the entire battle.
Is… is Wes gonna actually get to keep a full trio of Johto starters? If so… I LOVE IT. My personal favourite starter trio, even if Charizard has a permanent spot above the three.
I love Wes continuing his “action hero” schtick with the one liners and general badassery. And those shadow captures are probably gonna lead to a very fun moment of “oh shit I’m gonna have to explain all that, aren’t I?” between him and Rui.
Chapter 7
Oh shit… a ruined town? And Rui is scared of something? Maybe I just missed something in my re-read.
Aaawwww Wes loves his cats. So adorable, and yes plz a man being soft and loving with his family. I fuckin love it.
YES BIG INFODUMP TIME
Noctis Mortem plague? That sounds horrific. Wes definitely watched his parents die from that disease with how horrific a description we just got. I wonder if that’s the subject of future flashbacks?
A nuclear war with Johto? My god, Yellow, this world is so bleak. I fucking love it give me more. Such a great excuse for why there’s no wild pokemon in Orre too. I’m interested in seeing the general state of the wider pokemon world given the apparent history here.
YES RUI TAKE CARE OF THE THE BIG TOUGH MAN. He definitely needs the human companionship. Neo and Novo are good and all, but there’s no substitute for good old human companionship.
Lol, Wes. So determined to put up a gruff and stoic front. Just let the pretty lady help you. Then go off on her adventure to help her fix the shadow mon because you know you actually want to.
A flashback/nightmare of Wes’ time in Snagem? Yes plz.
Oh shit. Snagem is FUCKED up. That’s such a terrible thing for little Wes to go through. It’s definitely left some scars and is probably a large part of the reason he doesn’t want to be seen as a hero. I want more of these, they’re so so good. He’s so damaged Rui, plz help him.
Oh man, so damaged he only trusts his cats. Him slowly learning how to trust Rui is gonna be so good. I do so love a good slowly learning to trust arc and there’s so much potential for a great one already laid down here.
Chapter 8
Man, for being a desert hellscape, you make Orre sound so beautiful. Well… maybe not beautiful, but definitely my kind of aesthetic. Really really loving the setting descriptions, they’re a definite highlight of your writing.
Wes’ furious denial of the idea of being a couple with Rui is so hilarious “I actually like her” embarrassed energy. He might not even know it yet (I’d argue he does with him already admitting in the narration that he missed her constant talking).
Also, describing Rui as “spicy” lol? I get the feeling Wes definitely thinks so. He probably does like the feisty energy.
Shadow pokemon are really widespread in Orre. I was under the impression that it would mainly be the villains using them, but the fact that they’re everywhere? Scary implication for Orre as a region. Nuked and covered in shadow-mon, that’s a rough combo.
Please don’t get rid of your Johto starters Wes!
NO. WES NOOOO. Don’t go to the police Wes. It’s not safe for a person like you. You’ve got too much bad shit in your past to actively walk into a police station.
At least he knows that he’s probably walking into a trap. Good that he’s smart enough to know that.
I figured that the chief would know exactly who Wes was. He’s just… he’s not gonna like where this leads him. Shouldn’t have gone into the office, Wes!
I have returned to this fic for Review Blitz! I managed to get caught up this time, so let's cut to the chase!
Thoughts on Chapters 7 to 16
We deviate from the beaten path a bit to learn about his “Noctis” illness. It was apparently a big deal, and fittingly, from here on just about every character is revealed to have lost someone to it. With it’s ominous name and importance to the characters, I can’t help but wonder if this has some kind of relationship to the plot. At the very least, it does serve to help explain why Orre is in the state that it’s in right now.
We learn more about Wes' past with the dream sequence. It does a lot to hammer home that Wes really did do terrible things for Snagem, and the ending to that dream is an intriguing tease.
Rui has started to open up to Wes more. She definitely seems to enjoy his company, and she especially likes to poke his buttons! We're also starting to get glimpses of what goes on underneath the surface of her character. Her backstory isn't as traumatic as Wes', but that doesn't mean she hasn't been through a lot herself. She seems to admire her father for his efforts in trying to combat the Noctis epidemic, and I wonder if that maybe is the reason why she has such a strong sense of justice and desire to try and get involved in this Shadow Pokémon crisis. Considering that we learn later that she struggles with feelings of uselessness, it does seem possible.
Pyrite is a very run down town! Of course I was expecting it from the original game, but dang, they really don't have anything here, huh? I can't help but wonder what some of the deeper reasons for this are. I imagine Noctis as something to do with it, but there must be something deeper at play that has prevented things from getting better.
And so we reach the moment where the plot yanks Wes by the collar and refuses to let him go! The chief was pretty slick in forcing his hand with The Deal. And then he gives Wes the cover story of being some kind of undercover hero, which he very much does not appreciate! I’m surprised they let Rui join too; Wes had the opportunity to try and drop her there, but it seems he didn’t have the heart to advocate against her. He’s been acting callous towards her, but it's starting to become clear that all the time they’ve spent bonding over the course of the fic so far is… paying off? It’s paying off for Rui in spades, though that’s probably not how Wes sees it at this point!
We get proper introductions to most of the shadow Pokémon Wes caught! We even get their POVs, and you do really good job of making me feel for them (especially kohna ;_;). I cant help but notice the clear parallels between them and Wes. They're all shaken by trauma and dealing with it in different ways, and they seem to recognize this in each other.
There a lot of fluff in this fic and I love all of it. It's all genuinely adorable and often humorous stuff that does a lot to establish these characters and their relationships with each other. This set of chapters also addresses that concern I had in the last review: we get to see more of Neo and Novo's dynamic!
Wes was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that a man as clueless as Johnson was able to find someone to romance, let alone marry.
Lyvia scooted awkwardly through the crowded kitchen; it was already difficult for a regular person to get around in such a small space with so many people, let alone someone as pregnant as she was. After a few mumbled apologies and Megg and Secc scooting their chairs in as close as possible, she was able to settle in beside Johnson with a weary laugh.
the idea that Johnson fucks is probably the single most cursed departure from canon in this entire fic. pow.
Chapter 12 is currently the longest chapter in the fic, with a lot of different scenes stuffed into it, though it has a nice thematic throughline. The entire chapter focuses on Wes’ relationship with kindness. The flashback shows us one of the most significant acts of kindness anyone has ever shown him, and back in the present we see how he feels like he’s taking advantage of Duking’s family and friends. He’s not used to being around such nice people, and it’s clear it’s starting to have an effect on him, because while he doesn’t feel like he deserves their kindness that guilt is ultimately coming from a place of care for these people. He wouldn’t admit that he cares, but he really does seem to, the small moments like him believing they’ll take good care of Lon, fighting against himself when he thinks himself as a snagger, that ending where he actually feels hopeful upon returning from their mission: they reveal how he actually feels. And while his kindness towards Lon isn’t an exact parallel to the flashback scene, it’s the closest the plot can get right now, and it kind of demonstrates the way that Wes is affected by these acts of kindness he’s been shown, in that he finds himself recreating the kindness Alden showed him all those years ago.
Speaking of Alden, we learned earlier that he was killed by Snagem, and now that we've gotten to see him in flashbacks I can understand why Wes thinks so highly of him. He was pretty much the only positive force in Wes' life, so he finds himself latching on to his example. And I don't doubt that Wes' decision to ditch Snagem in such an explosive manner was fueled in part by the way they killed him. There is definitely some mystery surrounding who Alden was and what he was doing in Snagem to begin with, as well as the question of how the situation escalated to his death; I anticipate their answers.
Chapter 13 is a nice and short one that follows up on the question raised in the last one. Neo’s evolution story is incredibly wholesome, Novo’s less so D:. I liked this as a glimpse into the relationship between Wes, Neo, and Novo. You’ve been teasing a bunch of questions regarding their past together, so even if its a bit of a tangent from the main story I didn’t really mind at all. Also Neo got the POV, so that automatically makes this the best chapter in the fic, sorry I don’t make the rules.
Wes really doesn't want to tell Rui about his past. He denies it, but he definitely is scared of how she'll react, as he does seem to care for her company. This is definitely going to backfire eventually, there's no way he can keep it hidden forever. It's just a matter of when and how.
neo got the perspective again nevermind chapter 14 is the best chapter. His entire perspective here is "i am bored" and it is the best. And the way you wrote him here i can't handle it i just can't he's too good for this world.
We finally get to see Maku's POV, and I had almost forgotten that these Shadow Pokémon were originally stolen from trainers. This was definitely a heartbreaking way to remind us ;_;. We also finally get to see Bayleef, who apparently just hates Wes because of the battle they had. I was wondering what these Pokémon thought of being captured, if anything, so I found that to be a nice acknowledgement of the fact that Wes wasn't always on good terms with these Pokémon. I also like seeing the way these Pokémon have opened up to Wes' and his team. Maku sitting on Wes' lap is an adorable image, Kohna's relationship with Neo and Novo in particular is incredibly wholesome, and while Nani has been slower to warm up stuff like her relaxing on the couch do a lot to show how she's been progressing. With a team assembled, Wes and Rui have made quite a bit of progress in catching more Shadow Pokémon too: the names Marci gave them are cute (and one of them is Dio?! who fittingly is a supervillain, judging by the way he's described). I like the way you've captured that early-game Colosseum worry of "what do i do with all these shadow pokémon?" No one really seems to know if they can be cured, there's the worrying side effects the unevolved ones are dealing with, and of course, the very practical concern of how they're supposed to accommodate for them all. I was wondering how you'd handle Wes team in all of this, and it looks like we're going the route of a single defined party. He hasn't filled his entire team out yet, with one slot still open that might be filled with the Noctowl Nyra, but it doesn't seem like they've committed to a decision yet.
The pacing definitely slows down once we get to Duking's house. In fairness, every chapter does establish something new: none of these scenes feel superfluous because all of them are setting up for something. But I think it's just that we spend so much time in a single area after the early fic moves pretty briskly through the plot that it's hard not to get antsy. But it looks like we're starting to move out of that patch, and I do like how you've used this time to set up things that'll be important later. We're already seeing the early signs of what will eventually form into the Kid's Grid, and Rui's conversations with her grandparents are clearly building up to the moment we visit Agate Village. It's also nice to see The Under get mentioned early on, since if I recall correctly it kind of came out of nowhere in the original game.
Renna comes right from Wes' past! There's a lot of juicy tidbits into Wes' past here, and their argument with each other definitely gets heated. We don't find out exactly how their friendship fell apart: I almost wonder if she sold out Alden, but I wouldn't think Wes would be willing to forgive her if that were the case. While they aren't on the best of terms, they do still seem to have some care for each other. Also, I see that she owns a Trapinch, and I can't help but think of the Shadow Vibrava in the original game...
I can’t dedicate too much energy to reviewing the April Fool’s chapter, but luckily I don’t need to because it is an entire Neo chapter, which automatically means it is perfect. You are so good at writing fluff it should be illegal.
We get our first real glance at Cipher since Mirror B! They've been pretty far in the (sand and) shadows the enitre fic so far, so I was surprised to see Ein like this, but considering the way this chapter ends I think it make sense. This scene seems to serve the purpose of establishing that Cipher sees Wes and Rui as a threat to be dealt with now, which was technically established in the last chapter though this chapter drives the point home. And we also get a good look at just how terrified Gonzap is of them. I can't help but wonder how much power Cipher has in this story. You've definitely been leaning in the direction of "a lot," but technically this is true in canon as well, and I've been getting the impression that this interpretation's reach might be even farther. Not to mention how much room there is to expand on things that the original game sort of implied but left unsaid. Also wild theory but I wonder if Rui's father wrote that report Ein's reading, it seems like it might've had something to do with Noctis.
Yes Wes, Rui is your friend. It almost seems like he doesn't believe she could be friends with him, which is probaly part of the reason why he's afraid to tell her. This was a good chapter for their relationship in that way, I feel, because it definitely seems like Wes has taken some solace in knowing how Rui sees their relationship, and now he's actually starting to reciprocate that by leaning into her banter with him more than he normally would.
Poor Lon. He's joined a while ago, and the kind of vibe he's been giving off is "shifty kid who's just kind of scared and insecure." He sees this whole deal as too good to be true, and can't help but lash out because he doesn't feel he can really trust Duking and his family. And then we get the reveal of his Shadow Pokémon. At first I thought he was an original character, but then I thought to check, and sure enough, you pulled him right from the game!
That chapter ending! Did they get teleported into the Pyrite Building? Because if they did, then that means Mirror B is inevitable. It does feel like this chapter has been building up for the plot to start moving again, so I'm interested to see it!
And yet, despite the fact that he let out Neo and Novo in an attempt to calm his agitation with their presence, the question needled at his mind for the rest of the day.
All the POV switches in Chapter 14 are missing the normal scene breaks. I almost wonder if it's intentional, since it's all of them and the chapter itself is called "Perspective," but I found it disorienting all the same.
It feels good to be caught up on this fic. I enjoyed my time with it a lot: I'm echoing my last review here, but I really like your takes on these characters and seeing them interact. You have a great grasp on character, and of course Neo is a part of this cast so naturally it is perfect just like he is. And with the place things are currently at, there's a lot to look forward to as well! I can't elp but anticipate your takes on some of the later stuff: I've been especially interested in how you'll interpret the Relic Stone, as well as the rest of the Cipher admins. I see it's been a long time since the last chapter, so I wish you the best with this fic. Like I've been saying, I've enjoyed it, and I'm excited to see where you continue to go with it in the future.
This chapter contains depictions of PG-13 level violence and injury, including:
• a mild concussion
• a knife to the throat (no injury)
• receiving stitches
• a brief mention of blood
Trudly. Folly. Cail and his companion, then one other lurking behind them. Dust and shadows, broken vending machines and old shipping crates scattered across the room, and…only one exit, on the opposite wall and behind the five trainers.
Wes took all of it in as he scanned their surroundings, blood roaring in his ears. If his memory served him correctly, this was the old abandoned warehouse at the edge of town. Nobody frequented this place save for the odd street kid looking for shelter.
In other words, they were perfectly isolated.
He faced down Trudly with a snarl—Gods, these guys really didn’t know when to quit—and tightened his grip on his knife. “Cail, what is this!”
As if channeling his trainer’s anger, Novo arched his back and snarled. Kohna and Maku responded in kind, tensing up further and piercing the eerily quiet room with growls of their own. Cail, however, simply turned his head away and didn’t answer.
Trudly sneered. “You mean you haven’t figured it out by now? I thought it was pretty obvious.”
“We had a deal.” Cail spoke quietly, shifting his gaze to Trudly. “Now give her back.”
Folly tossed him a toothy grin. “So hasty, are we?”
“Just give it to him, Folly,” Trudly said. He was focused on Rui, looking her up and down with a smirk and a nasty gleam in his eyes. “You don’t look so good, sweetheart. First time Teleporting?”
Wes felt Rui’s trembling fingers tighten around his arm. He raised his knife. “You’ve got ten seconds to let us go before I turn my team loose.”
Trudly merely raised an eyebrow. Folly barked out a laugh. “What a cocky little bastard you are!” he said. “You think your little pets can take five of us at once?”
“Four,” Cail said, his voice sharpening. “I’ve done my part. Now give her back.”
Folly shot him a withering look, but still dug into his vest pocket and pulled out a Pokéball before tossing it haphazardly to the green-haired trainer. “There’s your reward. Happy now?”
Cail caught the ball and observed it with narrowed eyes. Pointing it at his feet, he clicked the button and released its inhabitant. A Furret emerged from the light and immediately hunkered down into a defensive stance, scanning the room with wary, haunted eyes.
Cail’s face darkened. “That,” he growled, “is not Melba.”
“Oh, for cryin’ out loud, are you telling me you wanted that scrappy little Machop back?” Trudly finally took his eyes off Rui to snap at him. “We did you a favor, kid. This Pokémon right here is an upgrade.”
“Wes.” Rui’s voice was nothing more than a shaky whisper.
He spared her a glance and saw her eyes on the Furret, her face pale. He looked back at the Pokémon and watched as it swung its head around, caught sight of Kohna, and immediately bared its fangs at the Quilava with a hiss. Kohna arched her back in response, flames sputtering.
Another one? Wes swore under his breath. As if they didn’t have enough to worry about at the moment—
“I never asked for an upgrade!” Cail was shouting now. He stepped towards Folly, hands curled into fists. “Where’s my Pokémon!”
“Woah, easy, man.” His companion, Calda, hastily pulled him back by the arm, face taut with alarm. “You can’t mess with—”
“We had a deal!” Cail pushed against his friend’s restraint, ignoring him completely. “We do what you ask and you give us back our—”
He was cut off by a beam of light; the trainer that had been quietly watching from the shadows stepped out from the wall with a newly summoned Mightyena at his heels. He regarded Cail with an icy stare.
“Let’s not forget who’s in charge here, shall we?” he said calmly. The Mightyena mirrored his threat, staring down Cail and Calda with a low rumble in its throat, slowly raising its hackles.
Calda paled and said something to Cail in a panicked murmur. Face twisted with fury, Cail relaxed his shoulders and took a step back. He looked as though he was about to say something when—
“FRRRRREEEEEE!”
Holy hell. Wes didn’t know a cutesy Pokémon like Furret was capable of making such a horrific sound. It was somewhere between a screech and a snarl, and just as everyone turned their heads to the sound, Furret lunged straight for Kohna with another ear-splitting shriek.
Dammit! “Kohna–!”
But Kohna didn’t need a command; she was more than ready. Rather than cower and flee like Wes had expected her to, she smoothly avoided a swipe of Furret’s claws before ramming it in the side. Furret then locked onto Kohna’s scruff with its teeth, and the two became a whirling ball of chaos and cries, kicking up dust and knocking a nearby stack of crates over in the process.
Wes wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip by. In one motion he flicked out Nani and Neo’s pokeballs and shouted, “NOVO!”
Pebbles and dirt sprayed out from under Novo’s back paws as he launched himself at the Mightyena, smoky dark energy pouring from his maw. Mightyena whirled on him with a bark.
“OY!” Trudly bellowed. “I DON’T THINK SO!”
More flashes of light; Wes saw the familiar Duskull and Spinarak emerge, quickly followed by Folly’s two Whismur. With a curse, the Mightyena trainer summoned an Ariados and barked a command.
“To hell with it!” Cail roared. A Snubbull and Kirlia appeared at his side with a flick of his wrist. “Let’s give it to ‘em!”
Calda was not on board. He backed away from the impending melee and reached up to the Abra on his shoulder. With a pop, he vanished into thin air.
Pandemonium erupted. Rui shouted and pulled Wes back as several Pokemon hurled themselves at him. Instinct kicked in and he ducked, yanking Rui down with him, knife at the ready. A Whismur barrelled straight for his head, shrieking bloody murder–
Neo yowled and sprang in front, summoning a wall of white just in time. The Spinarak and both Whismur bounced off the Protect shield with a couple resounding thunks.
Wes bit out several more choice words. This was not an ideal battle situation; too many enemies, too much movement, too much to keep track of–
Duskull phased through the shield with a cackle and blasted Neo with a Shadow Ball, sending him rolling across the room and into a pile of broken crates. The shield disintegrated and a slightly dazed Whismur picked itself up, then staggered forward with a growl—
“Maku, get—!”
There was no need; Nani darted forward and snapped her jaws around the Whismur’s body, then with a mighty swing of her head, sent it flying across the room. Without missing a beat, she immediately turned to the Duskull, who was taunting Maku and dancing through his punches untouched, and blasted it back with a jet of water. She then bellowed up at the ceiling, snapping her jaws with maniacal glee.
Right. Wes certainly didn’t need to worry about her. For once, he was grateful for the Croconaw’s crazy bloodlust.
“WhiiiiiiEEEEEEE!” The last remaining Whismur planted its feet and screamed, drowning out every other sound. Wes covered his ears and saw Rui do the same. Gods, what an obnoxious Pokémon—
Nani cringed and lashed her tail in annoyance. She whirled on the pink Pokémon with a growl, but before she could do anything, Maku rushed in and slammed it with his fist, sending it rolling several feet, where it lay still and did not get back up.
Nani curled her lip at Maku and lashed her tail again, evidently furious that he had taken out her foe. She opened her mouth wide, bubbles frothing, as she prepared an attack, and Maku tensed and crouched with a growl—
“Enough!” Wes barked. Both of them looked at him. “Nani, if I see you attack any teammates, I swear to gods—”
“Wes!” Rui cried and wrenched him back by his sleeve. No sooner had he staggered back a few feet than a purple needle whizzed past where he had just been standing.
Poison Sting. Shit.
Even from a Spinarak, it would be very bad news if he or Rui got hit with that. He didn’t need to worry for long, though—a jet of flame seared across the little spider’s back, eliciting a high pitched squeal. Kohna, now freed from the Furret, came barreling in with a snarl, flames licking at her jaws. Some distance behind her, he saw Novo and Cail’s Kirlia facing off against the Furret and Mightyena.
Out. Out. They needed to get out. But how to find the exit in this place, how to leave without recalling his Pokemon? He couldn’t afford to, not with so many—
A piercing wail drew his attention to the wall several feet behind them; Neo was tightly bound in a String Shot and struggling to get free. Ariados, loomed overhead, perched atop a broken vending machine, tauntingly clacking its mandibles before firing off a Poison Sting directly at the Espeon’s face.
Wes was already halfway there before he even realized it. He felt his mouth move, heard his own distant shout, but the blood roaring in his ears drowned out whatever command he’d given to Maku and Nani. A blast of water knocked the Ariados off its perch and it struck the ground with a thump. Scuttling frantically, it barely managed to right itself in time to dodge Maku’s flying fist. They would keep it busy, and for now, that was good enough.
Rui was already and Neo’s side, tearing at the webbing. “This stuff is stronger than it looks, I think we need a—”
“Move.” Wes stooped down and flicked out his knife. “Neo, stop moving for a second.”
Neo, panting and in distress, looked up at Wes with wide eyes. Wes saw the poisoned stinger from Ariados’s attack buried deeply in one ear.
“It’s okay, bud.” Wes forced his voice to remain steady despite the chaos storming around them. “Just let me—”
WHAM.
Rui’s shout, Neo’s wail, a ferocious snarl—all the sounds blurred together as something massive rammed into Wes’s side and knocked him off his feet. The ground slammed into his back, driving the breath from his lungs as a crushing weight bore down on his chest.
Thick black fur, putrid hot breath, a flash of white fangs—Wes only just managed to shield his face with his snagging arm before Mightyena’s jaws clamped around it. Teeth scraped against metal with a horrible, grating scree-eech.
Mightyena thrashed with another enraged snarl, its claws digging into Wes’ shoulders and spattering his face with flecks of drool. Wes clenched his teeth and shoved his arm further into the creature’s maw, jamming its mouth open with the bulky metal. Mightyena let out a garbled bellow that was somewhere between a whine and a howl and writhed in fury, finally managing to slash through Wes’ shirt with its claws to gouge into his side.
Hissing through clenched teeth, Wes struggled under the canine in a vain attempt to throw it off while fumbling blindly for his knife—only to realize it had been knocked from his hand during impact. Mightyena’s weight threatened to crush his ribs, the thick fur smothering him, he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see—
THUD.
The Mightyena’s snarls suddenly cut off in a shrill, shrieking yelp that pierced Wes’ eardrums, and the next thing he knew, the weight on his chest vanished. Instinct drove him to push himself upright, and yet his head was spinning, his lungs couldn’t pull in enough air…
“Ma! Ma-ku!” Through Wes’ blurred vision, he saw Maku hovering beside him, reaching out to shake him with his little fists.
Wes blinked. The eerie emptiness in the Makuhita’s face was gone, replaced with an expression of…was that worry? Fear? And—he blinked again. Were his fists glowing?
“Ma!” Maku whined again.
“I—I’m fine, I’m okay.” Wes sat upright. “Did-did you just use a move? A real one?”
Maku’s face changed from worried to proud as he beamed in response. “Ku!”
Well. That was unexpected, but he wasn’t about to question it. He caught a glimpse of Novo tussling with the Furret across the room, and Kohna was now keeping the Mightyena busy with Nani at her side…except…something was wrong.
Nani’s entire body went rigid as she quivered from head to tail. A low, guttering growl emanated from her throat and she slowly turned her head to Kohna, a savage gleam in her eyes—
“Oh, hell—” Wes scrambled to his feet and fumbled for her ball, but he was too slow. In half a second, Nani snapped from frozen to frenzied and lunged at Kohna, who was now interlocked with Mightyena in a flurry of snarls and snapping jaws. Nani was nothing more than a blue blur as she rammed Mightyena with her head, then spun and blasted Kohna point-blank with a Water Gun, the force of it knocking the Quilava off her paws.
Kohna landed heavily on her side and lay stunned as Nani swooped in with jaws parted wide. Spitting a stream of steady curses under his breath, Wes managed to recall the crazed Croconaw just before her fangs locked shut around Kohna’s head, then promptly slid the lock shut.
Gods-dammit. As if the current situation wasn’t bad enough without unstable Pokémon…
Kohna was looking worse for wear after such a hit. She stirred feebly, struggling to rise back to her feet, but it was clear she was no longer in fighting shape. Wes recalled her, too, then frantically palmed the other Pokéballs at his belt as he searched for the exit. If he could just get there, and recall the rest of his team along the way—
“STOP OR SHE DIES!”
Trudly’s screech rang over the din, and suddenly the chaos came to a lull as Wes, along with everyone else, turned to where Trudly stood between two vending machines at the far wall. In one arm, he held Rui, tightly ensnaring her around the shoulders and pinning her to his chest. With the other, he raised a knife—Wes’s knife, he realized with a sickening jolt—to her throat.
“I’m about to make myself REAL damn clear!” Trudly bellowed again. “If you don’t want to see this pretty little thing bleed out in the dirt, you’ll do exactly as I say!”
Wes was frozen to the slot, staring at Rui, who was struggling in vain to break free. Trudly growled and made a harsh, jerking movement that made her gasp in pain. He turned back to them with his face twisted in fury.
“Return all your Pokémon. Now.”
“Like hell I will!” Cail shouted from somewhere several steps behind Wes. “I’m not doing a thing until—”
“Cail.” Wes struggled to keep his voice steady, not daring to remove his gaze from Rui even as his hand slowly trailed to his belt. “Just do it.”
“No! Not until these pricks tell me what they did with—”
Rui thrashed again, snarling something at Trudly, and the man shifted his knife-hand to shove her head back before pressing the blade to her skin.
“I SAID DO IT!” Wes snapped his head around to give Cail a seething, withering glare, his hands balled into fists.
Folly cackled from Wes’s other side. “Oooh, this is good!”
Cail stared hard at Wes, his jaw clenched. Then, with a bitter snort, recalled his two Pokémon. Wes followed suit, ignoring Neo’s squawks of dismay and Maku’s nervous fidgeting, but paused to make brief eye contact with Novo. The Umbreon was battered and bruised from the brawl, but his eyes were still bright with a hunger for more. Good. Wes gave him a tiny, barely perceptible nod, and returned him with a click.
He turned back to face Trudly. “We did what you asked. Now let her go.”
Trudly barked out a laugh, and Folly and the Mightyena trainer joined in. “Do you think I’m stupid, you little street rat?”
Yeah, actually, I do. But the glint of the knife convinced Wes to hold his tongue. Stall. They needed to stall, and then he could figure out a distraction of some sort, and…and then…
“What do you want?” he snapped. It was a fair enough question, and one that he hoped would buy him some time to think.
It was Folly who answered, somewhere in Wes’s blind spot to his right, several paces back. But as he spoke, some shuffling footsteps indicated he was strolling closer.
“Wellll, it’s not so much about what we want,” he said in a gloating drawl. “But our boss sure wants you outta the way. And after gettin’ acquainted with you back in Phenac, I can’t say I blame him.” He entered Wes’s field of vision, still a pace or two away, and leaned in with a sneer. “You’re a damn pebble in our shoe, you know that?”
A quiet laugh sounded somewhere to Wes’s left, slightly behind him—not far from where Cail was still standing, from the sounds of it. “Can’t believe one guy gave y’all so much trouble.”
Folly shot him a glare. “Shut your trap. You saw the mon this bastard has on him. He got himself not just one, but three Shadow Pokémon. Hell, maybe more.” He turned his gaze back to Wes, curling his lip. “But you’re gonna tell us exactly where you’re hiding them, aren’t you?”
Wes’s mind was hung up on one part of Folly’s statement. “Shadow Pokémon?”
Folly’s eyebrows shot upward, and the other trainer laughed. Trudly snickered and growled, “Hah, figures. You don’t even know what they are, you just knew a good deal when you saw it.” He glanced at Rui with a dark glint in his eye. “Or should I say when you saw it, eh, girlie?”
Rui met his gaze unflinchingly, her eyes burning with fury. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she spat through clenched teeth.
“Oh, sure you do! That’s why we had to nab you in the first place, isn’t it? Running your mouth off in the Battle Square downtown about that Makuhita, asking questions you shouldn’t even know to ask. A shame nobody ever taught you when to keep your mouth shut.”
So, the strange Pokémon had a name. Wes hastily shoved that information aside for later. Right now, he had to focus on ensuring that there would even be a “later.” He mentally took stock of where everyone’s position was; there was no sign of either Folly’s Pokémon, the Ariados, or the Spinarak, but he caught a glimpse of Trudly’s battered Duskull hovering over the man’s shoulder, and the sound of heavy panting alerted him to the Mightyena that must be at its trainer’s feet. All of them, save for Cail, were a good five feet away from him at least.
They’re keeping their distance, he realized. But why? Perhaps they were wary of him making a sudden move to call out a Pokémon, or that he had another weapon stashed somewhere on him…but that didn’t make much sense. Wes scarcely dared to breathe, let alone move, with that knife at Rui’s throat. In fact, it was odd nobody had come up to restrain him at all. What was the point of the knife, then, unless—?
Unless it’s a bluff.
Several things clicked in his mind all at once. Trudly had mentioned their boss…Phenac…that absurd guy with the atrocious hair. And hadn’t he said something before leaving the Mayor’s office that day? Something about taking Rui alive?
“Speaking of which,” Trudly growled, “I believe that Makuhita you have there belongs to me. Hand it over with the rest of your Pokémon, and maybe I’ll think about letting Girlie here off the hook.”
Wes locked eyes with Rui, surprised to find she was steadily looking at him. Her gaze was brimming with fear, but there was something else, there, too, a glint of understanding…had she realized the same thing he did?
“Oy, you think Boss will let us keep one?” Folly asked with a wicked grin. “I mean, that Espeon packs a punch.”
Wes slowly, carefully reached for his belt, not breaking eye contact with Rui. With a tiny jerk of his head, he glanced at the broken vending machine behind her. A spark of recognition lit her face, and she responded with a blink.
“Like hell he’d let you take one as good as that,” Trudly huffed. “You can barely handle your little pink pom-poms.”
“Hah? Like your mon are any better?!”
Wes mouthed the word to Rui: now.
Rui slammed her head back into Trudly’s chin and stomped on his foot. The man lurched with a yell, and she broke free of his grip. She reached through the broken glass of the vending machine behind her, seized a stray bottle, then swung it around to bash it against Trudly’s head with a resounding crack.
“NOVO!” Wes shouted to the Umbreon before he even materialized from the Pokéball. Novo sprang from the light immediately into a defensive crouch, then whirled and lunged for the Mightyena that was already hot on Wes’s heels.
Rui stood over Trudly’s slumped form with the now-shattered bottle in her hand, her face white. Wes sprinted over and grabbed her by the arm. “Come on, let’s go!”
She stared at Trudly and didn’t budge. “D-d-do you think he’s okay?”
Gods, why do you care? “Doesn’t matter. Let’s go!”
Rui met his eyes and gave a shaky nod, but before either of them could take another step, an eerie shriek split the air and made them flinch.
“Skuulllll!” Trudly’s Duskull dove from above, ghostly energy swirling around it as its red eye glared with righteous fury. Wes swore vehemently and went to duck—
A pair of hands clamped around his shoulders and hauled him backwards, breaking Rui from his grip. “I don’t think so!” hissed the Mightyena trainer.
Wes caught sight of Rui narrowly avoiding the Duskull’s attack while attempting to ward it off with her new weapon. The ghost merely cackled maliciously and phased through her swing.
Wes snarled over his shoulder at his captor. He’d had enough of this.
He allowed himself to fall slack for just a moment, catching the other trainer off guard and throwing him off balance. The man muttered in surprise. “The hell?”
Wes seized his opportunity and shot upright, jerking his head back to slam into his captor’s face. He felt a sickening crunch from what had to be the bastard’s nose, and the roar of pain that followed confirmed it. He wrenched himself free and seized Neo’s Pokéball.
Rui was somehow managing to hold her own against the little ghost; she seemed to be trying to placate it by talking to it while brandishing the broken bottle as if it were a deadly sword. In any other situation, Wes might have found it amusing, but instead, he summoned Neo and barked an order. “Take care of that Duskull!”
It wasn’t an ideal matchup, especially with Neo’s poisoning, but he had little other choice. Nani and Kohna were out of commission, Novo was busy, and Maku wouldn’t be able to be of much help against a ghost. But all they needed to do was incapacitate the Duskull, and then—
“You little shit!”
A fist slammed into Wes’s side, knocking the breath from his lungs. Dammit! He’d thought he would have more time, but the trainer had regained his composure quickly. Wes staggered and whirled to face his opponent—only to be hit again from behind.
“Not so cocky now, are you?” Folly snarled in his ear. Wes rammed an elbow into his ribs, drawing out a grunt, and the man shoved him harshly forward.
Use your momentum against your enemies. Alden’s voice resounded in Wes’s mind, clear and steady despite the surrounding chaos. If they throw you off, lean into it. Use it.
Wes stumbled, then gathered his feet under him just in time to duck under the Mightyena trainer’s swinging fist. He’d swung wide, his face a bloody mess—clearly the pain was affecting him. Wes shot upward and clocked him in the jaw, sending him reeling, then turned to block another punch from Folly. He kicked the man in the shin, then seized him by the collar and hurled him to the dusty floor, where he lay wheezing.
Wes whipped around again, ready to face whoever or whatever came at him—until a warning yowl from Neo made him turn his head. The Espeon was bounding toward him, eyes wide, but Wes couldn’t see anything—
Suddenly his legs were swept out from under him. Wes yelled and flailed before hitting the ground hard, and Duskull materialized out of thin air above him, shrieking with glee. A Shadow Ball from Neo immediately collided with the ghost and subsequently launched it out of Wes’s sight, and Neo sprang after it with an angry yowl.
Up. Up. Get up! Wes rolled onto his side and pushed himself up to his elbows, scrambling to get back into his feet, but he was too slow. He lifted his head just in time to see a boot swinging straight at him—
CRACK.
Blinding, white-hot pain burst through his skull and smattered his vision with stars. The world spun as he was sent rolling from the impact, his ears ringing so loudly he could hear nothing but his own thoughts.
No. No! Get up! Come on!
But his body didn’t seem to want to obey him. His vision swam, his head spun, and he struggled just to get to his hands and knees. He blinked, staring down at where his hands were pressed into the ground, and vaguely registered something red dripping onto the dirt between them.
Somebody was laughing. “Hit him again!” But the voices sounded far away, as if he was deep underwater. He tried to raise his head, but the ringing pain only intensified. In the corner of his eye, he saw it again: a raised boot coming straight for his head…
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!”
Suddenly someone was standing over him. Wes heard a man yell, followed by a solid, resounding THUD. He blinked, then slowly forced his head up.
Rui hovered over him, feet planted in a defensive stance, arms extended as though she had just shoved someone with all her might. Several feet away lay the Mightyena trainer in a heap, groaning and groggily stirring, looking as if he’d been thrown.
Rui glanced down at Wes over her shoulder. “Are you alright?”
She looked distraught and worried, but what really caught his attention were her eyes. Wes blinked again, trying to clear his fuzzy vision. Was he seeing things, or were her eyes glowing…?
“WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”
A new voice bellowed across the warehouse—but not just any voice. Even with his thoughts disjointed and foggy, Wes knew that gravelly roar.
Duking.
He let out a shaky breath of relief and slumped to the floor. Rui dropped to his side with a cry.
“No, no, no—Wes! Wes, can you hear me? You need to stay awake, stay with me, okay?” She rested her hands on his shoulders and started to roll him onto his side.
Wes batted her away and managed to groan a reply. “M’fine.”
“Hands up where I can see them!” That was Sherles now. How in the world they’d managed to find them here was beyond Wes, but at the moment he was too relieved to care.
He felt Rui fumbling with something at his waist and managed to raise his head with a growl. “Hey—”
“Hey, there you are.” She managed a feeble grin. “Here. Neo and Novo are back in their balls. They’re all accounted for.” She finished clipping them back into his belt, and only then did Wes realize he was on his back. When did that happen…?
“Hands up!”
Rui jumped and looked up at something Wes couldn’t see from where he lay. He attempted to move his head, but Rui stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
“I said, hands up!”
“J-Johnson, it’s me. It’s us—”
“Put your hands in the air now!”
Johnson…? Wes hadn’t recognized his voice. He’d never heard him sound so forceful, so serious. Was this really the same dopey-faced officer? The one that looked like a stupidly grinning Growlithe? That guy?
Rui paled and held up her hands, and Johnson finally entered Wes’s sight as he swooped in and pulled her arms behind her back.
“Sorry, Miss Rui,” he said hastily under his breath. “I don’t mean any offense, but we have to arrest you both just for appearances. Frego will take you back to Duking’s.”
Rui swallowed and nodded. Johnson met Wes’s eyes and gave him a tiny grin. “You look awful.”
Wes weakly draped an arm across his face. “Thanks, Johnson.”
“You’re welcome.”
To Johnson’s credit, he didn’t cuff Wes due to his injuries, and instead helped ease him to his feet and guided them both to his Arcanine’s side. He glanced around, then hurriedly murmured, “Call Fateen once you’re there. She’ll be able to patch you both up. Duking will be there shortly, too.” He spared a glance at the man in question, who was busy towering over a cowering Folly and demanding answers.
Wes could only nod tiredly and lean into Frego’s side. All he wanted now was treatment for his Pokémon and some sleep.
Johnson patted Frego’s head, murmuring a command, and with a pop, the warehouse disappeared from view.
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
Wes cracked open an eyelid to see Rui holding up several fingers with trembling hands. He sighed. “Six.”
A flicker of relief eased some of the worry from Rui’s taut expression. She gave a curt nod and shifted in her chair. “G-good, um...next question, what’s your middle name?”
An abrupt sting at the side of his head made him wince; Fateen, who sat beside him on Duking’s living room couch, dabbed at the gash on the side of his head with some antiseptic as she stitched it shut. Her old fingers were surprisingly delicate as she worked her magic.
Wes blinked open both of his eyes to fix Rui with an annoyed stare. “I don’t have a middle name, Rui.”
She gave him a weary grin. “Good, it was a trick question.”
“Look, I know you think you’re helping, but these questions are ridiculous.”
“They are not!” Rui exclaimed. Even after being safe inside Duking’s home for nearly an hour, she was still pale and trembling all over. “You probably have a concussion, Wes, and we need to make sure you’re not going to get worse!”
He sighed again and held back another wince as Fateen gave a solid tug. “Fine. Next question.”
“Okay, um...what’s two plus two?”
“...Are you serious?”
“Just answer the question!”
He looked her dead in the eyes. “Seven.”
Rui’s face drained of what little color it had. “That’s—that’s not—”
“Rui, I’m joking.” Wes snorted and rolled his eyes—a big mistake. A bolt of stabbing pain immediately shot through his head, forcing him to close his eyes with a grimace. A groan escaped him through gritted teeth.
Fateen pulled away slightly; Wes managed to open his eyes a little to see her patting Rui’s hand. “Now, dearie, I know you mean well, but I’m going to have to ask you to sit back and stay quiet. You’re upsetting my patient.”
“She’s not upsetting m—”
“Stop talking!” Fateen barked at him.
“Shroo.” Fateen’s Shroomish companion grumbled from where she sat at Wes’s other side. He nearly jumped; the Pokémon had been so quiet and still, he kept forgetting she was even there.
A shadow fell over the room as Duking’s massive frame filled the doorway from the kitchen. He looked almost as tense as Rui did. “What’s the verdict, Tee?”
“Definitely a concussion, though it doesn’t seem severe,” she said briskly. “In the meantime, I don’t suppose you and Silva could patch up this girl’s hands? She’s got quite a few nasty cuts.”
She nodded to Rui as she spoke, and Wes glanced back at the redhead just in time to see her hastily attempt to hide her hands in her lap. “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m fine!”
Duking frowned and reached out a hand. “Let me see.”
Rui hesitated, then timidly held out her palms, where Wes could see several cuts laced across them, smothered under a layer of dried blood. Until now, he’d assumed the blood had been his; Rui had given no indication of any pain or discomfort.
Duking furrowed his brow. “‘Fine’, my eye, kid,” he said with a grunt. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. Silva, fetch us some bandages, will you?”
“Yeah, they’re in the bathroom closet, right?” Silva’s voice sounded from the kitchen.
“Yes, should be in the back somewhere…” He steered Rui towards the kitchen. Rui spared Wes a glance over her shoulder, and he responded with a halfhearted wave. She smiled a little, and allowed Duking to usher her through the doorway.
“That should do it for your head injury, for now,” Fateen said as she drew back with a sigh. “Now, let me see to those gashes you’ve got on your side. From a Mightyena, were they?”
Wes tensed. “Don’t worry about that, I can treat them myself.”
“And why in Celebi’s name would I let you do that?” she huffed. “I’m already here with all my supplies, and an old Murkrow like myself doesn’t care for second trips, dearie.”
“Really, it’s fine, I know how to treat stuff like this. You don’t have to go through the trouble.” Wes scooted away from her. It was one thing to let her treat his head injury—he’d been so dizzy he wasn’t in any shape to protest it to begin with—but he had to draw the line somewhere. He’d spent nearly his whole life treating his injuries himself, and he wasn’t eager to stop now, least of all for an old woman he barely knew. “They’re not that deep, anyway—”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
Wes sat up and moved to push himself up off the couch. “I said it’s fine—”
“Dearie.” Fateen held his wrist in a vice-like grip with one hand and patted his arm with the other. Her glare held a steely glint that made Wes freeze where he sat. “If you keep fighting me at every turn, I assure you I will not hesitate to ask Miss Amanita here to knock you out with Sleep Powder so that I can get my work done.”
Wes slowly turned his head to look at the Shroomish that sat quietly beside him on the couch, and—gods. He never thought he would find a perpetually scowling mushroom intimidating, but he supposed there was a first time for everything.
“Do we have an understanding?” Fateen asked sweetly.
Wes huffed and slouched back in defeat. “Fine.”
Fateen grinned and patted his cheek. “That’s a good lad.”
“Shroo!”
He sat in tense silence while she worked on the gashes in his side, trying not to flinch at her touch. A head injury was one thing, but letting her lift his shirt to work at the injuries underneath felt…even more vulnerable, somehow. At the very least, she mercifully didn’t comment on his array of scars.
Thankfully, the injuries to his side weren’t deep enough to warrant stitches, though he still had to suppress a wince when Fateen applied antiseptic to the wounds. After several minutes of quiet, she suddenly spoke again.
“Quite an independent one, aren’t you, dear?”
Wes had no idea how to respond to that. His first thought was a biting retort—Whatever gave you that idea?—but he stopped himself. She was gracious enough to treat his injuries, after all; the least he could do was dial back the snark.
Not a threat, he told himself as he scanned her wizened features. At least…I don’t think she is.
Fateen didn’t seem to mind Wes’s lack of a reply. She carried on. “Independence is an admirable quality. A necessity, even, in these parts.” She paused in her work to gaze at him with her beady eyes. “But take care not to let that independent streak push away would-be friends and allies. You and that girl would be dead were it not for that young officer fellow keeping an eye out—Johnson, was it?”
Wes frowned. “What?”
He had been wondering how Sherles and company had found them so quickly…he shook his head with a bitter snort. “Right. Figures. Of course they’ve been tailing me. Even with dirt on me, they don’t trust me to do my damn job.”
“Perhaps,” Fateen hummed, unruffled by Wes’s hostility. “But have you considered that it’s also to keep you safe?”
Wes rolled his eyes. “Sure, maybe that’s it. Can’t let their useful thief-for-hire get put out of commission.”
Fateen hummed again as she applied a bandage. “I will not tell you what to believe, dearie. But I advise that you do not set your mind so rigidly on one conclusion. People are not as black-and-white as you may think.” She looked him in the eyes again, and there was something penetrating in her stare that made Wes shiver. “And that includes you.”
The hell is that supposed to mean? Wes wanted to ask, but before he had the chance, Duking’s enormous silhouette filled the doorway to the kitchen once more, ushering Rui and Silva back into the room.
“Well, it’s probably not as good as what Tee could manage, but we got you properly patched up,” he said kindly to Rui. “Tee, you got any ointments for her?”
“Certainly.” Fateen pulled away and wiped her hands clean on a damp cloth. She patted Wes’s hand again. “There you are, dearie. Be sure to get plenty of rest. However… ”
She started rummaging through her kit beside her and suddenly addressed Duking. “His head injury concerns me. You’ll want to keep a close eye on him tonight, and don’t let him sleep too deeply. Have someone wake him every few hours, and it’s best that he sleeps out here with someone close by.”
“Wh-?” Wes sat up straighter, glancing between her and Duking. “That’s not—I’m fine, really, I’m a light sleeper anyways—”
“Thank you, Tee,” Duking sighed. “We’ll be sure to do that.” He accepted the ointment from Fateen’s outstretched hand, helped her gather her things (and her Shroomish companion), then ushered her out the door.
Annoyance flared up in Wes’s chest at being ignored. “Look, I really don’t need special treatment, I’ll be fine.” Frankly, the thought of someone watching him sleep was mildly horrifying. He wouldn’t sleep a wink like that, and he was tired, dammit—
“Fateen knows what she’s about, kid.” Duking gave him a stern stare, but his tone was lacking the usual bite it had when addressing him, and Wes noticed shadows under his eyes. “I don’t take her advice lightly, and neither should you.”
I told you not to call me “kid.” Wes nearly said as much, but barely managed to hold his tongue when Rui’s voice reminded him she was still in the room.
“If it’s no trouble, I’d be happy to keep him company, Duking.” She gave him a beaming smile that felt oddly out of place. “I mean…I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep much tonight, anyway!” She laughed that thin, forced laugh Wes had grown to recognize.
“You should try to rest though, don’t you think?” Silva said delicately. “I mean, you’ve both had…quite the night.”
“Exactly!” Rui flashed him a grin. “You two have had several long nights in a row at the Colosseum, but I’m wide awake after all that adrenaline. Really, I could use the distraction!”
Duking stroked his mustache with a weary sigh. “Well…only if you’re certain, hon. I’m going to insist you both stay out here in the living room for the night, at least. Easier to hear you yell for me from here than from all the way in the back rooms.”
“Mine, too,” Silva said. “It’s the second on the left. Careful not to knock on the first one, though, because that’s Marci’s room, and she’ll never let you hear the end of it if you wake her up.”
Wes made a mental note to avoid the first door on the left at all costs.
Silva then stretched with a yawn. “Well, Rui, if you’re sure, then I’m off to bed. Johnson and Sherles will brief us in the morning on what they find out—sounds like they’ll be up all night asking questions.”
“Of course I’m sure,” Rui said. She gave him a wave as he trudged up the stairs. “Sleep well!” Silva replied something incoherent through another yawn.
Duking remained behind for a moment, looking as though he had something to say. He fidgeted awkwardly, opening his mouth and closing it a few times, then finally nodded stiffly to Wes with a grunt. “Glad you’re both safe. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.” And with that, he followed Silva upstairs.
Rui’s mouth twitched into another smile. “I think he’s warming up to you.”
Wes threw her an exasperated look. “Did you hit your head, too?”
“Oh, come on, Lycas. Would he go through all this trouble for you if he hated you?”
He would if he could get use out of me, Wes thought sourly. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time he’d been used for someone else’s agenda. Hadn’t he been Gonzap’s most prized possession, as long as he did as he was told and kept his mouth shut and functioned like a perfect, well-oiled machine?
Fateen’s words prickled at the back of his mind. People aren’t as black-and-white as you may think. But Wes knew contempt when he saw it, and it was ever-present in that man’s eyes, especially whenever Wes was within ten feet of either of his children. On one hand, Wes had to admit he couldn’t completely blame him. And on the other—well. The feeling was mutual. Duking couldn’t possibly begin to know what Wes’s life had been like, having a roof over his head and food to eat and fancy secret caves with waterfalls inside his own damn house. While Duking had had the esteemed privilege to eat at a dining table surrounded by friends and family, Wes had been lucky if he managed to scrape up enough food to go around between him, Neo, and Novo.
Not that it mattered, anyway. Soon they would get to the bottom of this gods-forsaken investigation, and soon Wes would be free of everything that shackled him here. Just as Duking had no interest in Wes’s way of life, Wes had no interest in his.
Is that completely true? The thought pushed its way into his head, annoyingly taking the form of Fateen’s voice, and he irritably swept it away with all her other nonsense.
A dull throb in his skull pulled him back to the present. He glanced at Rui, who was situating her own pillows and blankets on the large armchair across from him, and frowned.
“You’re going to sleep in that chair?”
Rui shrugged, fluffing and re-fluffing the pillows. “Why not?”
He watched her as she arranged the pillows, then rearranged them, stepped back, huffed, and rearranged them again. “That won’t be comfortable,” he said.
“Oh, I’m fine!” Rui said brightly. Then she grabbed one of the pillows and discarded it, and set about restructuring her setup for the fourth time.
“Suit yourself, then.” With a resigned huff, Wes stood up and made for the basket in the corner that held a supply of blankets and pillows— apparently provided by Duking for Marci and Megg, as they made forts in the living room so often he finally decided to simply keep a supply of “construction materials”on hand in said large basket.
“What are you doing?” Rui said, suddenly noticing he was up and moving. “Go lie down, I can get those for you!”
“For gods’ sakes, I’m just grabbing a blanket, not lifting weights.” Wes snatched the first one off the pile. “Stop fussing over me, I’m fine.”
He went back to the couch and cleared his belongings off of it, including his coat and belt—thankfully, all his Pokémon had already been treated and were now resting safely in their Pokéballs—before he noticed Rui had not responded with a quip of her own. He glanced over his shoulder.
She was staring at the ground with a haunted look in her eyes as she fiddled with her bandages, lips pressed tight, her face still as pale as it was an hour ago. Wes slowly turned to face her.
“Rui?” He said slowly. “You all right?”
She looked up at him, and with a jolt, Wes noticed tears brimming in her eyes. Before he knew how to respond, she suddenly crossed the gap between them and threw her arms around him.
He froze. “I, uh. Rui?”
She didn’t reply right away, instead pressing further into him. Wes could feel her whole body quivering against his, felt her breaths coming out in hitching sobs.
“S-sorry,” she gasped, “it’s just that—gods, I—those men—I was so scared they would get me again, and that y-you and your P-Pokémon would get hurt, and—and—you did get hurt, and it’s my fault, it’s my—”
She broke off in another sob.
Wes scrambled for something to say, but his mind came up blank. Instead, he slowly wrapped his arms around her and returned her embrace. For a moment, they simply stood there, neither one making a sound save for Rui’s quiet sniffling.
“Your fault, my ass.” Wes finally found the words to speak. “Unless you’re telling me you set all that up yourself personally? Come on.”
Rui managed a weak, broken laugh at that. “Y-you know what I mean. They were after me.”
“And me, too, if you remember,” he said. “So I’m just as much to blame as you are.” He paused, then added more softly, “If anything, I should be thanking you for what you did back there. You saved my life. Or at least saved me from another kick in the head.”
He suddenly remembered the way she looked after shoving his attacker away—specifically, he remembered her eyes, and that unnatural glow about them. Wes briefly wondered if he ought to tell her about that, but…no, she didn’t need anything else on her mind. Besides, it had almost definitely been some kind of concussed hallucination of his.
Rui wiped her eyes and pulled away from him, her face red. “S-sorry,” she said again, and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “Ugh, I’m a mess—I’m sorry you had to see me like this—”
“It’s fine, Rui,” he said quietly. “Really.” And for once, Wes realized that he meant it.
She looked back up at him with that bright, trademark smile of hers, as if nothing had happened. “Thank you for that. I’m alright, just needed to let it out a bit.”
Wes scanned her face. While her smile did look less strained than it did before, he couldn’t help but wonder at the practiced ease in which she plastered it back on so quickly. Something in him wondered just how much experience she had doing exactly that.
“Yeah,” he said after a short pause. “It’s no problem. You sure you’re alright?”
“Of course I am! Don’t worry about me.” She turned away and headed for her chair. “You should get some sleep. I’ll wake you in a couple hours.”
He watched her shift the pillows around one last time before settling into the chair, then followed suit by settling onto the couch. Despite all his various aches and pains, it felt as though his body had picked up on the fact that he was about to rest and was now practically begging the couch cushions to swallow him up. He settled onto his pillow with a soft sigh.
“…Goodnight, Rui.” He found himself wanting to say more, though he wasn’t sure what. His brain immediately fogged with exhaustion and he gave up trying to come up with anything else.
She gave him one last smile before he dropped off to sleep. “Goodnight, Wes.”
Oh boy. Isn't Ein the Cipher leader, if I remember correctly?
...that stuff about subjects and survival rates does not sound good.
Oh dear. Gonzap. And he's furious.
Drama between villains is always fun. Looks like there's a lot of tension between Snagem and Cipher.
...I wonder why Ein wants human subjects. And why he wants Rui.
Ooooh, a journal entry!
Huh, so postponing evolution is unhealthy...
Ah, Wes is being as prickly as ever.
Awww, Wes is so surprised that Rui thinks of him as a friend!
...and he's completely bewildered by the playful jab. Amazing.
Oh dear. Lots of shouting.
This is not good.
...and Lon's third Pokemon is a Shadow Pokemon. That is extra not good.
So Lon got the Slugma for doing a favor...
...actually legitimately teared up a bit when Lon started crying.
"B", huh...
...that is a disturbing line from Wes.
Awww, Wes sometimes forgoes meals to feed Neo and Novo...
...oh dear. Traumatic memories from Rui.
So Rui got Daisy as a favor, too...or, well, her mom did, at least.
I forgot how amazing this fic is. I'm having so much fun reading it again!
The Under...that was also mentioned in the Ein section. I wonder what that is.
...ah.
And there's Noctis in there, too...oh dear.
...
Wes told Rui his favorite color! He's opening up!
There's Cail! And...he's afraid?
Oh no.
Looks like they're now trapped.
And there's Trudly now. Oh dear.
This was a lovely read! I had a ton of fun coming back to this fic, and I'm honestly tempted to jump right to the next chapter now! You've catapulted Orre into being one of my favorite mainline Pokemon regions!
All right Yellow, please bare with my limited knowledge of Pokemon Colosseum. I am here for the review exchange for chapter 1 so... here we go!
First off, your writing style is superb! You are very detailed and I like the way you write about the pokemon too! It reminds me of how they behave in the anime, but that's fine because it makes them more lively imo. Novo and Neo are such a cute duo, and I love their distinctive personalities. How Neo seems to be more hotheaded (with a love for bacon, lol), while Novo is more chill.
Now for Wes, I'm getting an outlaw feel for the guy. And he rides a motorcycle?! Yoooo, that's hella based. One of my favorite characters in gaming uses a motorcycle too, and I am a sucker for cool characters like that! He seems like a nice chill guy who cares for his pokemon but I see he carries some trauma... given that nightmare he had. Poor Wes, I can't believe he lost a pokemon so young, that must be traumatizing.
It sucks he is stuck in turmoil though, legit people are out on a manhunt for the guy so he has to keep running with his poor pokemon. I hope he can find peace, but I doubt that will happen given this is an ongoing story. No, not for a while, I think. LOL.
Anyway here are some quotes that stuck out to me.
Some would say that "barren" and "Orre" were the same thing.
It would only take a brief view of the landscape to see why. The desert region sprawled for miles, seemingly without end, with little to no life in sight. The sun blazed down mercilessly on the copper sands as the winds whistled aimlessly across them. The only sign of life was the occasional tumbleweed that rolled lazily on by.
Okay, so Orre is like a desert type of region? Interesting, I imagine growing crops there must be difficult.
"Espi-esp, esp, esp! Es-SPI!?" The Espeon's barks cut short in a yap of surprise as his trainer hauled him off his feet and shoved him under one arm. He sprinted back to the motorcycle and dumped the creature rather unceremoniously into the sidecar next to his brother, ignoring the Pokémon's cries of indignation.
Poor Neo! He just gets stuffed in the sidecar! Probably confused and lost over what was going on. But it's a tense scene and Wes just wants it to be safe...
"If you're going to threaten me," he said, "call me by my real name." He sneered. "It's Wes, by the way. In case you forgot."
Oh? I wonder why he was called 'Leo.' By the way such raw lines by the guy, he is literally telling his former boss to like fuck off, technically. Haha.
"I know, I shouldn't have been so rough. I'm sorry, bud, really. How can I make it up to you?" Wes glanced at the Outskirt Stand, then back at his Pokémon with a sly grin. "How about I get you a whole plate of bacon and we call it even. Truce?"
Neo's eyes grew wide and he leaped to his feet. "Es-PI!" He waved his tail excitedly in the air, all injuries to his pride forgotten.
"Bri!" There was a reproachful bark from the Umbreon.
Wes rolled his eyes, but was still grinning despite himself. "Fine, fine, bacon for everybody. Don't get used to it though, you hear? This is a one-time deal."
Lol this scene is cute! I love how Neo automatically forgets about being angry over being stuffed in the sidecar once Wes is like: "Bacon." Hey, I don't blame him, it's delicious!
A flicker, and there was a dark room, in which a child was sobbing over the limp form of a Pokémon's body. He looked up, tear-stained face twisted with anger. "This is YOUR FAULT!" he screamed.
The scene dissolved into darkness, and a man's husky, menacing voice spoke in a snarl. "It's time you learned this lesson, boy."
Another shift, another dark room littered with Pokémon lying ominously still, limbs splayed out in awkward angles—and there was another voice, a kinder voice, accompanied by a sad, tired smile.
Holy shit, the first chapter gets dark already! Not that I don't mind, I dig dark stuff in fiction but I just feel so bad for Wes here. This has to be a glimpse into his past. I look forward to learning more about it.
More memories flashed through Wes' mind, and he couldn't suppress the shiver that followed. Novo, sensing his trainer's distress, chirped and brushed against him again. Wes sighed and finally laid back down in his sleeping bag, closing his eyes. His Umbreon touched his nose to his forehead and purred gently, using Hypnosis.
Just before drifting off to a dreamless sleep, Wes had one last coherent thought.
Interesting that Novo uses hypnosis to help his trainer sleep! That's a pretty neat detail you added! It really shows how much he cares for Wes. And that was it?! This chapter was so short!
Overall, this was such a fun read! I'll definitely be keeping tabs on this story and reading it when I get the chance. Wes seems such a cool character, thank you for asking me to do this. It really was an honor, I can tell you really poured your heart into this story even by the first chapter alone! So keep going! Cheers! :D
Hi Yellow!!! It's review time!!! I was actually further along in OSAS than I thought, so I'm here to hit you with reviews for 12 and 13!! I'm getting close to caught up :D I think for our exchange we were just gonna do one chapter (?) but I read on to 13 just because it was short, so don't feel obliged to match.
Okay but the start of 12???? Fucking OOF man. Just a big ol' fat oof. I know I had said I wanted to see more tidbits of Wes's time at Snagem but god fucking christ, give the bitch a break Also????? LEO????? SNAGGER LEO??????????? I guess Leo was the name Wes got from Gonzap and that is indeed what he went around snagging with. Is it bad that I actually like the name Leo?? Woops
Also ALDEN, MY BELOVED. WHAT A FUCKING HOMIE??? And I know we only saw Flick for like 0.2 seconds but I would die for Flick if Flick isn't already dead herself woops yikes. I didn't realize what a breath of fresh air it was to see a Pokemon that......WASN'T trying to commit homicide aside from Neo and Novo, so that was actually really nice???? Just there to provide some relief for this poor abused boy???
Then we loop back into present day and I have to admit I was rolling my eyes the entire time.....but like, not in a bad way, let me explain. Just seeing Wes tryna act all like "yeah everyone here is naive and dumb and i don't like human interaction so being here is weird" had me like "bro SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ACCEPT THE HOSPITALITY, YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT." Like, I know he doesn't know he likes it yet but I was still internally screaming, laughing, and groaning at how desperate he was to stick to his guns that he didn't like the presence of other people. However, him insisting to himself that he DIDN'T belong there was def a punch in the gut, only exacerbated by the fact that he felt guilt about accepting such a nice gift.....cuz thats just years and years of trauma bro, and I feel so bad for him. And I empathize with him because I know damn well how hard it is to accept such nice gifts without feeling some type of way, and the way you described that "guilt" was really good. Please, Wes. Be kind to yourself :') You deserve some good things.
Also, LON INTRODUCTION???????? Idk I wasn't expecting him yet but I also realized I am like in double digit chapters rn so I guess thats not shocking LOL. I admittedly didn't know a lot about Lon aside from what I've read in your storycrafters and whatever but idk why i was so shocked he ended up being that pickpocket boy. I mean, i was HAPPY that Wes and Rui were able to take his stupid ass off the street and give him a place to live but I was still like "OH. HEY." Aside from being Chronically Teenaged Boy, I really like him a lot. He just seems......cute. Like, protect at all costs cute. I love his dedication to his Pokemon even in just the one line we've seen it, and I like how he's concerned about these scary ass 'mon he doesn't even know. He's a good doober AND HE HAS AN IGGLYBUFF. BEBBY.
I think my one critique for this chapter was that there was a lot of buildup (at least, in my opinion) to this Fateen woman, only for the only interaction we get with her is....Wes and Neo chasing Lon through her tent and trashing it and her screaming at them. Granted, I know Wes and Rui's target the whole time WAS Lon so finding him obv took precedence over talking to a batshit woman who's probably handing out dime bags to the local kids, but they found him and immediately all the attention went to "putting Lon to work." Which, don't get me wrong, is NOT a bad thing, I expected that to come pretty quick, but I also figured they would also really want to talk to Fateen because......clearly she do be up to something. And they also trashed her tent LMAO.
And then THIRTEEN WAS A NICE READ. I saw "Evolution Origin" and was excited to see the story of how Neo falling out of a tree got him to evolve......but it wasn't because he fell out of a tree, its because HE HEARD WES LAUGH AND LIKED SEEING HIM HAPPY, THAT IS SO PURE AND FUCKING WHOLESOME AND SO ON BRAND FOR NEO AHHHHHHHHHHH. I was smiling so big, just ugh. What a dumb no brain cell baby I love him.
But ofc things can't be happy for that long because then we also got Novo's evo story which was THE COMPLETE FUCKING OPPOSITE, and also felt on brand. Novo being the more hard-assed of the two, this......def tracks. Novo wants to protecc, Neo wants to happy. But still, holy shit, that was also the SCAR ORIGIN STORY????? Just all the backstory jammed into this chapter, I am :') GIVE. THIS. BITCH. A. BREAK. GOOD LORD.
Anyway, yep. Things just seem to continue escalating, and Nani is still being.......muy difficil. I hope they get a wrangle on her soon cuz I feel like they're gonna need it These were good chaps, and I'll be back to catch up fully soon!
Not that Leo wasn't used to it; ugly bruises, bloody scrapes, and deep cuts had become a regular part of his daily life since he'd been recruited to the team. Most Snagem adults needed an "outlet" for their stress - or so they claimed, at least - and his small size had made him an easy target.
Despite his relief at having less people at the table this time around, however, he was acutely aware of Rui's absence this morning. She often chatted enough for the both of them, and Wes hadn't realized how much he'd relied on her being somewhat of a buffer between him and unwanted conversation.
"I don't know what you're doing asking these questions, and quite frankly, I don't want to know. Just...be careful, alright? Anybody who can keep that many Trainers quiet has got to have some real power under their belt."
Okay this part threw me a little because it took me a little too long to realize that the kid in the center WAS the kid they were looking for. So I think for clarity sake I'd throw in a small description of what he looked like to make it obv that "hey there's that asshole pickpocket" is whats going on here
Marked this because with the first two two-word attacks, the second word is lowercased, but in Shadow Rush, both are capitalized. Idk if you had a specific reason for this, but if not, I'd just try to make all of that consistent.
His Trainer wiped tears from his eyes and looked at the Eevee with a wide smile - a real smile! - before bursting into another fit of laughter. The warmth in Neo's chest grew and he couldn't help but purr. Seeing his Trainer like this made him so...so...
First off, I'm so proud of you for breaking that update drought. Phew! And what a dramatic chapter to do it with! We've got our most serious brawl in some time, a breakthrough with Maku's purification, and what feels like a milestone in Wes and Rui's relationship. This chapter really lands the vibe that we're past the point of two odd allies of circumstance snooping around, and into an outright conflict with a malevolent organisation, on the back foot, with real skin in the game. Wes in the early story has little to lose and cares only about himself and his 'vee boys, but I think his chances of getting through this without getting attached have now evaporated. Meanwhile, Rui's obvious trauma is being heavily compounded by the chapter at this point, and I'm eager to see the facade crack further as the stakes rise. Poor girl – she is so very not okay.
A note not specific to this chapter - I skimmed the previous chapter to recap and I like that you put in some small reminders of things, like mentioning Rui still thinks Wes was undercover in Snagem or that Duking doesn't trust Wes. It's been a long time since I read this, so this kind of stuff is appreciated.
Suddenly someone was standing over him. Wes heard a man yell, followed by a solid, resounding THUD. He blinked, then slowly forced his head up.
Rui hovered over him, feet planted in a defensive stance, arms extended as though she had just shoved someone with all her might. A few feet away lay the Mightyena trainer in a heap, groaning and groggily stirring.
Rui glanced down at Wes over her shoulder. “Are you alright?”
She looked distraught and worried, but what really caught his attention were her eyes. Wes blinked again, trying to clear his fuzzy vision. Was he seeing things, or were her eyes glowing…?
She started rummaging through her kit beside her and suddenly addressed Duking. “His head injury concerns me. You’ll want to keep a close eye on him tonight, and don’t let him sleep too deeply. Have someone wake him every few hours, and it’s best that he sleeps out here with someone close by.”
Wes scanned her face. While her smile did look less strained than it did before, he couldn’t help but wonder at the practiced ease in which she plastered it back on so quickly. Something in him wondered just how much experience she had doing just that.
I really like how chaotic the battle scene was, with so many mon fighting each other that even the characters are losing track. It feels like things just happen one after the other whether Wes is ready to process the last one or not. Really sells the pandemonium. That, and we get another Hyper Mode.
And then we get Rui's first breakdown scene. Finally the stress catches up to her and she can no longer keep that smile on her face, and Wes is there to see it. Interested to see what this does for their relationship.
Hello, Yellow! I'm here with an extremely late Blitz prize review, covering chapters 5-10. This is an interesting part of the fic, since it represents the transition from Wes' initial "just gotta make it to Gateon" plan into full involvement with the shadow pokémon affair. The introduction of shadow pokémon and snagging is always going to be something I look out for in an Orre fic, and it was great to see those elements come into play here.
And I think you've done a great job with the shadow pokémon thus far! Shadow makuhita isn't really all that threatening from a meta standpoint, and the encounter with it is very much a training-wheels affair to get the player used to the shadow mechanics. Here, though, he really comes across as an out-of-control fighting machine, and his ability to throw Neo and Novo around without difficulty and his eagerness to sling himself straight at the trainers rather than sticking to the pokémon immediately make him a palpable threat. The characters' reactions do a lot to sell both the terror and the sheer wrongness of what Makuhita's doing, and their fear and confusion lends some real sense of stakes to what could easily have been a straightforward early-game battle. (And Wes gets injured, which, always a plus, of course. :P )
I like how Wes' idea of how to handle these crazed pokémon is, "big shrug, make it the police's problem I guess?" It makes sense that, while he may care for pokémon (perhaps more than he'd admit to himself), he really has no idea what to make of the shadow pokémon and doesn't consider himself someone who'd be able to help them besides getting them to someone who might actually know what to do with them. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how the purification process will play out and how Wes will come to bond with these extra-vicious pokémon. Especially after we get to see things through their eyes at the end of Chapter 10--it's obvious that, while they are all "shadow," that doesn't manifest the same for all of them, meaning that they all have different issues to work through and will probably need different approaches to help them. That'd be a tall order for one guy in any circumstances, and Wes is somebody who doesn't have any particular training in pokémon behaior while also suffering from some of the same problems that the shadow pokémon do. I'm really curious how Wes will end up connecting with these three and what the purification process will look like. Not sure whether shadow pokémon POV will be common in the future, but I think having a bit here is really helpful to establish what's really going on with the pokémon, since Wes and Rui would have a hard time figuring it out on their own. Really love seeing "shadow" manifest differently in different pokémon; it definitely makes for a more interesting situation than there simply being a one-size-fits-all "cure" for the process that will work for every pokémon. It makes sense, too, in that everyone responds a bit differently to trauma, and each case needs to be approached individually there as well.
I'm always here for shadow stuff, but the Noctis Mortem chapter also stands out for being original content with heavy worldbuilding and backstory elements. We've followed the main storyline pretty closely so far, which of course makes sense for a novelization, so I wonder how often we'll see chapters like this that kind of do their own thing. Noctis itself is quite the spooky illness, especially considering its high level of fatality despite (presumably?) better medicine in the Pokémon world than we have around here. We just get a little teaser here about how it's played into Orre's history, and the main characters' personal histories as well, but I look forward to finding out more about how it's shaped the region. Perhaps it might even rear its head again...
Moving on to Pyrite, the scene between Sherles and Wes read a little odd to me; I wasn't sure why Sherles seems so willing to go all-in with Wes, ostensibly knowing little about him besides that he was Snagem's Best Criminal Among Criminals and that he destroyed the Snagem base. The latter doesn't seem to me to indicate that much about Wes' general nature, although at least some dislike for Snagem, fair enough--but just because criminals squabble amongst themselves/kill each other/etc. it doesn't mean that they're in any way trustworthy such that it would make sense to bring them on-board an undercover police investigation, I don't think. Perhaps Sherles is hoping/expecting Wes will double-cross them and in doing so reveal more information to the police, or otherwise thinks he's got things under control even if Wes goes off-script? Ultimately, though, given only the context Duking has, I think it's entirely fair for the guy to react with, "You want him to stay in MY house?? Near MY children????"
Broadly speaking, the undercover mission makes a lot of sense in terms of keeping Wes bound in Orre and involved in the plot; from an in-universe perspective, it didn't work as well for me. A clearer sense of why Sherles thinks he can trust Wes with this mission would have sold it better for me.
I am looking forward to seeing more of Duking, though. I don't recall that much of his character from the games, really. He's ostensibly the mayor of Pyrite, when in actual fact it's Cipher running the show--much more interesting to explore that dynamic a bit rather than let it lie, I think. Duking obviously has pretty considerable personal resources, what with being able to afford foreign tutoring from his kids, a giant house with its own literal waterfall, that sort of thing, and yet as he himself comments, most of Pyrite lives in abject poverty. What's stopping him from changing that? How did he end up as a "have" when the rest of the town's filled with "have-nots," and what does his post as mayor really mean--one way or another, it clearly isn't going well. I don't imagine we'll be getting THAT much about the socioeconomics of Pyrite, heh, but a little more time with Duking and a better understanding of his role in Pyrite does seem like it'll clear up a bit of weirdness from the game source material.
Entirely random note, but Marcia's comment about trainers having hats made me think of Duking's absurd, tiny fedora w/feather from XD... truly Orrean fashion is something special.
Enough about the plot! The core of this story really remains the relationships between Wes, Rui, and the Eons, and I think those are developing well. The fact that Rui's taken Wes' participation in this "special mission" as a sign of his heroism, and his discomfort with that, is a real fun twist of the knife. No way that's going to blow up in everyone's faces at the worst possible moment! In general, Wes and Rui are warming up to each other pretty well, but I imagine it's going to be a real rollercoaster as the plot develops. If only Wes could stay as uninvested as he'd like everyone to believe he is! Neo and Novo had a bit less focus here, but I enjoyed Wes' distress when they get messed up by the shadow pokémon in a way we haven't seen them struggle in any battle thus far, and how careful he is about tending to their injuries afterwards. It'll be interesting to see how they get along with the shadow pokémon in the future; they've always been kind of a three-man team with Wes, and now there are outsiders around, and ones with major issues at that. Neo, at least, seems to have welcomed Rui into their little family pretty firmly, and Novo's warming up to her, too, but the shadow pokémon are going to be a big disruption. Looking forward to how the pokémon dynamics play out in the future!
Overall I think this set of chapters does a good job of moving us from the very beginning of the story in Phenac and on to the introduction of the plot proper in Pyrite. Wes still hasn't entirely accepted his role in all this shadow nonsense, but I imagine it won't take long for him to become more personally invested. Meanwhile, Wes' past and the secrets he's keeping from Rui loom as an inevitable source of conflict in the future... and based on what I've seen of Wes in other contexts, I know that the result of the truth finally coming out is going to be pretty explosive, heh. I know there's a lot of fun stuff to come, and the stakes are only going to get higher... big eyes, honestly. It's been a fun ride so far, and I can only imagine what it'll be like once shit really starts hitting the fan!
All in all, this fic has always been a fun nostalgia trip; the Colosseum music frequently started playing in my head while I was reading. The original elements are intriguing, too, and I'm curious to see how the canon and fanon pieces end up working together as the story continues. It's been a while, but I'm really glad to have returned to this fic, and I'm hoping to catch up with the rest during Blitz. See you again soon!
Hello! Hello! Hope you're having a good day! Here's a smol review for ya!
So I've heard a lot about it so my expectations are pretty high and I finally have the time to review OSAS ever since reading it a couple months ago.
Chapter 1:
Despite the chapter being relatively short, it did pretty well in setting the piece, and the pacing was well done. The characterization for Neo and Novo was fun and I like that despite them not saying words (or words we can understand), I can still see the differences between them rather clear and what sets them apart. Neo being a more cocky and prideful mon and Novo being more reserved and stoic.
Wes is a troubled character, more notably so from the brief flashback nightmare we got from the final scene. It is cute that he relies on and loves Neo and Novo despite his rebellious teen boy needs to be edgy and emotionless.
I'm also not a very knowledgeable person about Pokémon Colo and aside from watching some videos like SmallAnt's and one where people RP and give their mons backstories where a gay couple adopts a demon Eevee so I'm pretty much going in blind.
Chapter 2:
A decent amount of stuff happens here. We start off right after Chapter 1 with him waking up and eating breakfast. It is interesting to note that the government and stuff are basically useless in this setting much like any other mainline games and it'd be pretty interesting to see why.
Then the scene with Rui's rescue and stuff, the battle was alright. Fun, fast paced and easily dealt with since the bad guys have Whismurr of all things. A weird choice for a mission focused on Stealth but who am I to judge?
Anyway, it seems like Wes has gotten into more trouble and how unfortunate it was that his simple plans to leave Orre are now dashed away by his two little goodie-four-shoes.
Chapter 3:
So they meet up with the mayor in his incredibly luxurious home. God, that must be cost a lot of the taxpayers' money to build. Anywho, as expected the mayor doesn't exactly believe Rui and I can remember vaguely that he plays some role later on but funnily enough, before I've gotten to that part in this fic. I thought he was gonna turn out to be the final boss or something.
After that, we gets some bonding between Wes and Rui. And I just wanna say how much I love the subtle hints of Wes being a lot kinder and caring that he initially portrays. The moment where he goes out of his way to feed her and Rui's reaction. *Chef's Kiss* Absolutely beautiful.
Oh and love the little running gag of Wes just wanting to go and do his thing but the plot just says no and practically drags his arm and forces him to stay.
Looks like it'd be the perfect place to get tetanus. That would certainly not be healthy to live in after what would no doubt be countless years of rain.
And boom! The only game crazy enough to start off with a literal bang. Man, Colo is intense af. Only one thing as crazy as this would would probably be that PMD game where the MC literally drops from the sky.
"Espi-esp, esp, esp! Es-SPI!?" The Espeon's barks cut short in a yap of surprise as his trainer hauled him off his feet and shoved him under one arm. He sprinted back to the motorcycle and dumped the creature rather unceremoniously into the sidecar next to his brother, ignoring the Pokémon's cries of indignation.
A metallic clang followed by another agonized screech told Wes that the Psybeam hit its mark. He glanced over his shoulder to see the bird tumbling out of the sky and down to the sands below.
I know you said you're gonna fix the whole 'OHKO' Skarmory with a resisted move but in my opinion, it isn't as immersion-breaking to me as it is to others since Slarmory's SpDf is pathetic compared to its Def even if it is resisted. I mean, I imagined this scene as less one-shotting the bird and more just throwing it off so eh. Psybeam also causes confusion so you could also explain it away as that instead of changing the move entirely if you don't wanna.
It's rather interesting how weirdly common Hypnosis is used to clear nightmares. I mean, I've only read two stories with it but I think it's pretty cool that certain Pokémon moves or biology could affect their trainer's sleep.
That said, Wes is so gonna be addicted to Hypnosis-induced sleep and that is totally not gonna be a plot point later on. Nope.
Pokémon tech is weird af. In some stories, you get insane Pokémon healing with Ditto cells and whatnot, and in the very same story, human medicine barely progress further than modern era. And that's not mentioning the whole shrinking mons into pokéballs or whatever your headcannon on that is.
"We'll head to Phenac to stock up on supplies, and head straight to Gateon from there. It'll take us a handful of days, but if we only stop for occasional breaks, we should make it in good time. And then, if all goes well, I can get a passport there and we'll be out of Orre. For good."
Well, "knife" was bit of a generous term for the thing—it was an old Skarmory feather that he'd strapped to a makeshift hilt. Not exactly the most conventional blade, but it had served its purpose on more than one occasion just fine.
Unsure if Wes being unreliable narrator or if PLOT because if it isn't Wes being UN, it does feel a little weird Neo would be acting like this. Unless of course Rui's magic powers have more to do than just sensing Auras.
It's probably just a me thing but I feel like it'll be better if ya switch 'a to 'one'. Like to me, 'With one final...' just sounds better than 'With a final...'.
Mew above, she's sure passionate, thought Wes. She was awfully fired up and upset, all for a Pokémon she didn't even know. What is wrong with this girl?
That's Ash Ketchum syndrome (or well just being a normal person) for you! Always looking out for people and stuff.
On the other hand, how does an environment like Orre produce someone like her? You'd think with how crappy everything is, she'd turned out more like Wes.
Rui sighed in disappointment. "They didn't have them in Pyrite, either...oh!" She gasped and was momentarily distracted by a woman who swept past with a sleek, purple-coated feline at her heels. "I've never seen that Pokémon before!"
Ooh, let me guess! It's... a Purrloin! Probs not a Glameow since no mention of the springy tail and the only other purple cat I can remember is Purrloin!
Wes had never seen the mayor personally before, and quickly surmised that he hadn't missed out on much. The man was short—very short—and, like his house, made up for it in terms of width.
Wes decided it wasn't worth pointing out that she could have deduced this from Neo and Novo's evolutions—Espeon and Umbreon only got their evolutions from bonding with their trainer, after all.
Wes couldn't help but nod in agreement. He was immensely grateful that such a person was only a stranger and nothing more. He had a feeling he would never want to tangle with that man.
Oh yes, he is most definitely not a member of an evil organisation. The totally not scary and not evil Aura did not give off that vibe.
... also wait, wasn't Wes part of Snagem? Shouldn't he have recognised that guy if so? Or was his position not high enough to know who that scary guy was? Or is the guy really not part of Snagem?
HEYO! It's review time! WHo doesn't like that?!
First thing's first, colusseum fic is a plus in my book. Orre is a mad underrated setting for grim-er pokemon stuff.
Some would say that "barren" and "Orre" were the same thing.
It would only take a brief view of the landscape to see why. The desert region sprawled for miles, seemingly without end, with little to no life in sight. The sun blazed down mercilessly on the copper sands as the winds whistled aimlessly across them. The only sign of life was the occasional tumbleweed that rolled lazily on by.
One thing disrupted the flat expanse: a series of cliffs, tucked away from the sands, which formed a narrow canyon. At this canyon's mouth sat a large building—or, at least, something that barely qualified as one. The structure, though massive, almost looked more like a pile of poorly assembled pipes and scrap metal than an actual building. Like its surroundings, this, too, was a quiet and still place, with only the howling canyon winds to break the silence.
It wouldn't be quiet for long.
BOOOOM!
An earth-rending explosion shattered the stillness. Flames burst from a section of the dilapidated building, followed shortly by screams. People in dark uniforms emerged from the blazing building, their faces masks of panic and confusion. Among the chaos, no one seemed to notice one person in particular dashing away from the scene, with two Pokémon sprinting at his side.
"Espi-esp, esp, esp! Es-SPI!?" The Espeon's barks cut short in a yap of surprise as his trainer hauled him off his feet and shoved him under one arm. He sprinted back to the motorcycle and dumped the creature rather unceremoniously into the sidecar next to his brother, ignoring the Pokémon's cries of indignation.
Muffled cries, the screams of Pokémon, a child sobbing quietly in a corner - images and sounds flickered and blurred together, one coming right after the other as if in a disorganized photo reel.
A flicker, and there was a dark room, in which a child was sobbing over the limp form of a Pokémon's body. He looked up, tear-stained face twisted with anger. "This is YOUR FAULT!" he screamed.
The scene dissolved into darkness, and a man's husky, menacing voice spoke in a snarl. "It's time you learned this lesson, boy."
Another shift, another dark room littered with Pokémon lying ominously still, limbs splayed out in awkward angles—and there was another voice, a kinder voice, accompanied by a sad, tired smile.
"Do good, kid."
He sat bolt upright with a gasp, drenched in sweat and shivering. Breathing heavily, he glanced around the room. It took a moment to remember where he was: Outskirt Stand. The diner cellar. A night's stay in the musty place, where he and his Pokémon would be hidden from prying eyes.
And now of course we get a slight glimpse into how messed up our protag's backstory is. Can't wait for this to be elaborated on in full. I'm a fan of dark and troubled pasts.
Overall a good starting point into the story, straightforward and doesn't waste time. I assume next chapter will go into the setting in more detail, given its length. I do think the descriptions are a bit..lacking in a few points, like in the beginning. Nevertheless, interesting premise and story. I'll be keeping an eye on this one! We need more Orre-related fics!
I'm back for Week 2 of Review Blitz, here to catch up! Since I'm only one chapter behind, I'll cut the usual bullet-point style and stick to general thoughts.
Thoughts on Chapter 17:
The chapter starts right off with the most chaotic battle since Chapter 6, and it's very well done. Just about every major character and party member got a good chance to shine. Even Wes and Rui got into the scrap! And of course the good character moments for Maku and Nani. Even with everything going on, the battle still had a clear through-line that could be followed that helped to keep it comprehensible and tense. We also got that brief moment with Rui's aura powers, which it looks like there might be more to than in canon. I'm interested to see where that goes.
Also I feel bad for Cail. He got lost in the shuffle a bit, though I have the feeling there's not much to be done about his machop. :(
Johnson of all people shows he can actually be quite effective at his job and comes to the rescue! It's nice to see the the minor cast still doing their part to help in this situation (even if Wes is grumpy about it). I liked the scene afterwards too. Wes and Rui both try so hard to play it off, and of course no one buys it. It's interesting that they both feel the need to put on a brave front, and for completely different sets of reasons. It's only in front of Wes that Rui is willing to be honest about her feelings, even if only for a short moment. And Wes doesn't open up as much, but he is willing to admit he appreciated Rui's help, and Fateen's words seem to stick with him. I appreciate the vagueness of her words: it's just indirect enough to slip past Wes' defenses and make him wonder what exactly she meant by it, and in a grander sense works as good nudge for his character development, which we get to see more of here with him trying to comfort Rui.
I did notice some italicizing errors, but Canis already pointed out everything I noticed, so I'll refrain from repeating.
Overall I liked this chapter, in case you couldn't tell! With the situation starting to escalate, it feels like next chapter the characters will have to figure out how to respond. I have been caught up again, so I will repeat my last words from my last review: gud fic, pls update, and good luck with it!
Hi! Here for Review Blitz! I am finally reviewing a fic that is on theme from the start this week. Anyway MORE SAND and MORE SHADOWS
Rui, like most people, has no clue what the fuck is up with Wes' bike. Also yay Rui POV!
Interesting note that buying Pokeballs here is considered weird because everything's considered too desolate to support most wild Pokemon.
I love how Rui is half convinced initially shw's in a horror movie. Go on, get in the weird creepy space with the suspicious man.
Fortunately she is fine. Because she has wes' cats. And they are all the company she needs.
Going to Pyrite town is madness, apparently. But hey they have a colusseum.which Rui is intrested in. Despite the fact that she does not train Pokeemon due to TRAUMA that is not disclosed.
But do you know what?
None of that matters.
None of it at all.
Because we get NEO AND NOVO POV BABY
Apparently as an Espeon and Umbreon they are two very diffrent types of cat. Neo is the sweet, loving affectionate kitty who only wants attention and lots of snacks, and loves the nice lady who is all too willing to give. Meanwhile Novo is the kind of cat I am more used to dealing with and is running and hiding from and hissing at this WEIRD WOMAN. And then she TAKES HIS SEAT. The NERVE. You steal Novo's seat? You steal Novo's seat like a common Pokemon? Jail for Rui. Jail for one thousand years. The entire rest of the fic needs to be from their perspectives.
A delight as usual, dunno exactly when I'll be back for more also as usual but it was a treat.
I really thought I'd read chapter 17 but I can find no record of it. maybe its because I remember beta reading it.
So good ol forums devoured several of your italics. i tried to catch the ones I noticed but there's probably way more and it'll be worth going over unfortunately.
Use your momentum against your enemies. Alden’s voice resounded in Wes’s mind, clear and steady despite the surrounding chaos. If they throw you off, lean into it. Use it.
Fateen pulled away slightly; Wes managed to open his eyes a little to see her patting Rui’s hand. “Now, dearie, I know you mean well, but I’m going to have to ask you to sit back and stay quiet. You’re upsetting my patient.”
I love that Wes comes to her defense here verbally, in a way. He'll never admit it to himself but he's definitely already warming up to her a little bit. I like little details like this that show he's got a soft heart under the hurt.
She nodded to Rui as she spoke, and Wes glanced back at the redhead just in time to see her hastily attempt to hide her hands in her lap. “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m fine!”
“Look, I really don’t need special treatment, I’ll be fine.” Frankly, the thought of someone watching him sleep was mildly horrifying. He wouldn’t sleep a wink like that, and he was tired, dammit—
Same Wes. Cannot STAND the thought of falling alseep in front of people lol. Its a weakness. you're not safe.
I like that in spite of this instinct and fear of vulnerability, he's okay with Rui being there in the end. He really does subtly have a blossoming sort of 'shields down' around her without thinking about it.
He suddenly remembered the way she looked after shoving his attacker away—specifically, he remembered her eyes, and that unnatural glow about them. Wes briefly wondered if he ought to tell her about that, but…no, she didn’t need anything else on her mind. Besides, it had most likely been some kind of concussed hallucination of his. Surely.
Surely. Im sure its nothing, don't worry about it.
I'm sure I remember us talking about this chapter a lot when it came out. Anyways it is quite juicy. The whole first chunk of the chapter if just pure action, whump, and fighting. Combat scenes can be so hard but I really do feel like this one is really solid. There's a good mix of both flow and clarity and a lot of chaos too. Tons of moving parts and its hard to really keep track of anything, understandably so! Wes is trying to look out for his pokemon, and for Rui, and keep their opponents away. The action itself is snappy and intense and deliciously visceral, and I even get me some concussion whump.
I quite liked that lull where Wes communicated to Rui while she was being held hostage. its a good way of showing that though she may be naive in some ways, she's not completely hapless and can pick up on signals too. And she helped Wes, so thats a big boon.
And I really liked that Rui got a moment of vulnerability, breaking down in front of Wes, and having him comfort her. He's truly such a bleeding heart deep down I think, but he's had to mantain a reputation. I appreciate there's people sort of seeing through that facade and give him a chance like Fateen, and talk to him on the level. Their whole conversation was lovely and seeing Wes struggle with vulnerability and accepting help just tickles my inner angst lover.
One bit that did stand out to me on this read was that Neo and Novo don't get much mention, as far as I can tell. I know before they went back Rui mentioned they were okay and accounted for, but I am surprised they didn't really seem to cross Wes's mind I think, in the ending of the chapter? I don't really expect them to be present, but I might have expected a bit stronger sense of, "he was glad Neo hadn't been badly poisoned and Novo had healed quick. Both were resting in their balls and he didn't want to disturb them" as a quick passing line wouldn't be unwarranted.
Anyways honestly I have no other crits, this was another fantastic chapter I had so much fun with,,,
All right, back to catch up on this one. Probably what I enjoyed the most from this run of chapters is the many ways you've recontextualized the game and shuffled things around to make the narrative work better. Up until Pyrite Town the story struck me as more of a straight retelling: we were getting some additional depth and backstory for the characters, and things were tweaked to make them less game-y here and there, but the plot and character beats were pretty similar to Colosseum, just with "some extra." This most recent arc has been a much bigger departure from the original game--and not in a bad way, I think! This is still very clearly a retelling of the Colosseum story, but you've taken more liberties to have it feel more realistic, and I think it's been a good choice.
The handling of the shadow pokémon continues to be a highlight for me here. Obviously in-game you can pretty easily be a one-man purification machine, snagging a whole stable of shadow 'mon and rotating them through your team to unlock their heart gauges. Even in that context, the deluge of shadow pokémon you receive at this stage in the game can be a bit overwhelming, but in a world where you actually need to interact with all of them in more than a few battles, the scope of the problem is massive and way more than one person could reasonably accomplish. Add to that the lack of gamelike feedback where you can very obviously see that you're making progress with a mon, and with no ACTUAL known cure or any indication that these pokémon will ever be anything like normal again, it's seriously tough stuff, and I love to see that reflected here as Wes and everybody associated with him gets more worn-out and pessimistic about whether they're going to be able to solve the shadow pokémon problem.
Which is only going to get worse! Having a berserk knee-high superpowered gator on your hands is already a pretty scary situation, but when Wes ends up snagging RAIKOU or something, oh, man! I'm looking forward to all the problems those more-powerful shadows are bound to bring and wondering how Wes will ultimately be able to purify them for this story. I continue to eat up all the shadow pokémon training scenes and general drama, and it'll be really satisfying when we get to the Relic Forest and Wes will be able to fully purify at least a few of his mons.
I also wanted to touch on the clever way you've handled snagging here--not having Wes just walk around stealing people's pokémon in full view and then, like, hanging around where any one of those jilted trainers might be able to get back at him, lol. Having Wes delegate the actual thieving to someone else, and doing his best to be discreet and stay out of it as much as possible, is such a smarter move and makes a lot more sense than following the literal method provided in the game.
Which brings me to what's probably my favorite change you've made to the game story, which is to incorporate more of the NPCs into Wes' story and treat them as more than throwaway characters you snag something from and move on. Giving Wes some more relationships to wrestle with, especially ones from his past that he now needs to reckon with after having literally exploded several of them, is a great choice (and he super hates it, lol). Lon works great as a parallel to a younger Wes--someone Wes can understand in a way that Rui can't, and someone he can perhaps help in a way that few other people would be able to. And Emok is a super intriguing addition to the cast as one of very few people who was friendly with Wes once upon a time, and who now is kinda not but it's not like they're total enemies either, heh. There's loads of fun tension there, and I look forward to seeing where it goes in the future--surely we'll be seeing more of Emok! And Cail hasn't been a big presence in the story and will probably never be a major character, but you did some fun stuff with him in Chapter 17 nonetheless, and in general it just makes the world feel more alive, and Wes' past feel more real, to have these other minor characters knocking around, connected to him and influencing the story even if they don't have the hugest of roles. I really appreciate that you're fleshing out more than just the main/story-relevant characters and bringing some life to parts of the world that probably only a hardcore Orre fan will remember.
On which note, I wanted to talk about Rui briefly, as an actual main and story-relevant character, but also one who's a serious blank slate since the game does virtually nothing with her despite gluing her to Wes' side. Wes is great, of course, as his gruff and closed-off self, but even a lot of fan media doesn't really know what to do with Rui, so it's great to see you dig a bit more into her character in this section. Her relative helplessness as a non-trainer and as a result of her background make her such a fish out of water in this environment, and I think you do a great job of drawing that out and showing how she tries to put on a brave face despite it. (Also shout-out to Duking for trying to make her feel valued that one time; we love to see it.) Wes is frequently excluding her from things or otherwise trying to protect her, because of course he is, and naturally it just makes her feel more useless. For right now, she and Wes are on an upswing... but at some point I'm sure their issues are going to collide, even leaving aside the big honking lie of omission Wes is perpetuating with her, and it's going to be a super fun (but sad!) sequence where they reject each other. And then very satisfying, of course, when they start to build their relationship back up again...
Meanwhile, all the ways the facts of the game still shine through are great, too--you definitely get to enjoy more easter eggs and dramatic irony as a reader who's familiar with the games than you would if you weren't. For example, when Lon was introduced, I was like, "Ohoho, doesn't that guy have a shadow pokémon in the game? I wonder if THAT's going to be a nasty surprise down the line," so it was super satisfying to eventually get the Mel reveal. (And as I'd thought, Lon was just trying to protect his pokémon by keeping Mel a secret. Awww.)
I do also want to give a special shout out to Chapter 17. This one took a while to publish after 16, and I thought it had a pretty distinct feel from the previous chapters--in a good way! This was a big chapter, with loads of action, undeniably the most whump thus far, Maku unlocking a real move, and a hug??? between Rui and Wes???? (Well, a rather one-sided hug, I must admit.) I thought this chapter was a noticeable step up over 16 and the previous ones in terms of the quality of the writing, and there was just so much good stuff crammed in here. It may have taken a while to come out, but I do think your writing skills leveled up a bit in the interim.
An additional special shout-out to head injuries. Oh no, Wes needs someone to watch over him in his sleep? Doctor's orders? How terribly inconvenient for him, truly, what a hardship.
That most recent chapter, now, with Rui's eyes glowing and her chucking a guy several feet... I don't remember THAT from my Colosseum game! Really curious what's going on there; giving Rui powers seems like it would change the dynamic between her and Wes a lot, so I'm wondering whether she's manifesting a new skill here or if there's perhaps something else at play.
I am having so much trouble imagining Johnson as anything like competent, though. Sorry, Johnson. :P
In any case, I know you've found it difficult to write these past couple chapters in particular, but I'm glad to know that you're still invested in this story and hoping to publish more. Coming back with Chapter 17 after two years definitely demonstrates that you have it in you to publish more even after a lull, and I hope we'll see more of this story in the near future! It feels great to be caught up, and I'll be right there with bells on when Chapter 18 arrives. Good luck with it--rooting on you to finish and that it's a chapter you're proud of in the end! As ever, happy to help if there's anything I can do to support you in writing this fic.
Ugh, now I want to re-play Colosseum again. What have you done.
Hello! Hello! I'm back here with another small review. Hope your day's been going great!
Chapter 4:
A bit of a slow chapter but that's fine since it's racked with fun interactions between our four heroes. Rui's energy bouncing off against Wes' stoicism, her reactions to his way of living, and Neo and Novo's little sections at the end. They're all just fun to read and I enjoy how lovely they all felt.
Neo and Novo's sections in particular are my favourites. Just the way their characters show themselves despite them not speaking any comprehensible words. Neo is a little prideful gremlin that preys on people's weakness to his cutesy face. And Novo's calming charm is a nice contrast to Neo's bubbly mindset. I'm amazed by how well you've written their characters.
Chapter 5:
Alright so the plot gets picked back up and we learn that the mayor's building is getting ransacked by twiddle dee and twiddle dumb along with their mascot, big afro man.
A battle ensues and I have a few thoughts about it. Again, I enjoy the battle scene and it's well paced and clear, I can picture it well and it's cool. The part where Shadow Makuhita appears is a fun one. The way it's described as unnatural and aggressively terrifying is well done though I feel like it could be improved a bit more. Like how it recklessly charges in and ignores the damage, I'd like to see more of that. I want to see it bash nearby furniture, destroy them, throw them away, anything that makes it look more like the rampaging beast it is. Having it head for Wes three times is also nice though it does feel a bit repetitive the third time around, perhaps have it throw something instead of doing the same charge again and again. But overall, the battle was nice and I enjoy the simplicity of it and it's also probably because I've been spoiled by the incredible battles I've read from another fix and now my standards are probably a bit too high since I did enjoy it a lot when I first read this.
Anyway, Mirror B (or at least I think that's his name). He's an interesting character. His appearance does make his intimidation factor a lot higher when he gets scary. And also adore Wes' blunt comment when he sees the afro.
Also confrontation about Wes' past. I'm assuming the 'my friend' bit is talking about him instead of this imaginary friend he has. Knowing that he has a team prior to Neo and Novo is depressing when we realise that they died and he saw them getting killed. I wonder whether we'll get more info and a flashback to that moment. I'm excited for the angst and whump that'll come when Rui realises that he was talking about himself.
Chapter 6:
So, I've been noticing a small string of errors lately. Mostly things like Pokémon sometimes having the accented 'e' and sometimes not. Also missing spaces and small typos. It's not that noticeable but it does pull me out a little bit.
Anyway, onto the chapter. A lockdown happens and Wes confronts the officers of the south gate. And surprise surprise, they're not law abiding citizens. One thing I liked about the scene is the whole 'wrongness' about it (not talking about how wrong shadow mons feel like), between Wes' insistence about there being no officers and the small mention of them whispering into each other's ears, the little things you wouldn't notice too much until the second reading.
The battle once again was pretty good. A nice mix of chaos and fast pace along with the four shadow mons duking it out. It is kinda crazy that Makuhita basically solo all of the shadow starters but it does help make it more believable that Wes did help out by trying to catch them. Also more mentioning just how dangerous a shadow mon is. Their recklessness and aggression does feel appropriately odd compared to normal mons and I like the way they're described in how vicious they fight.
Chapter 7:
So we get a little heart-to-heart with Wes and Rui. Have to say, I love the rollercoaster of emotions I'd experienced this chapter. Just the two of them talking about their past and their parents and how much they relate to each other is just the right amount of whump along with that little short joke in between, nicely breaks it from being too dark.
The Noctis Mortem is interesting. Seeing as it's something that's rather recent in the world but at the same time having appeared for a decent amount of time. It's kinda wild that it's implied to have stayed for over a decade since I don't know if there's any irl equivalent of a decade-lasting disease that's incredibly lethal. (Does the Black Death count? Idk, my scores in History's been pretty wack)
Then comes the nightmare and we get more of Wes' backstory. It's fascinating to see just how Snagem has changed his mindset. From just the guilt of stealing from a bunch of travelers to disgusting anyone and losing the only person he'd ever care for. It's all pretty traumatic for someone that young to experience and I wish him all the hugs Wes can get.
Chapter 8:
Alright, so we start off where we left it. In the morning after the night of hearts, once again, I adore Wes and Rui's dynamics and how Wes is slowly but surely warming up to her.
Then we arrive at Phenac and interestingly enough, we see two Shadow mons. I wonder just how common they are if random trainers can have them. I'm assuming it's because the evil team is selling them under the pretense of them being strong and powerful. Also smart of Wes to not just mindlessly start snagging every Shadow mon left and right.
Then comes the police station and the ending scene. Ooh boy, things aren't looking good for Wes, that's one thing's for sure.
Chapter 9:
Welp, looks like the jig is up. Wes gets caught and forced into a deal. At the very least, it seems like the cops aren't that corrupt yet as Sherles does give him some genuinely good rewards for helping them.
Then the mayor Duking. Admittedly, when I'd first read this, I was pretty surprised to see him, I had genuinely thought he'd be the twist villain or something though I guess that could still be up for debate as I haven't really seen much of him.
Also the lie of being an undercover cop to Rui... yeah, something tells me she isn't gonna be happy when she learns that they'd blatantly lied to her face. Can't wait to see the betrayal and shock that follows.
Chapter 10:
I just wanna say that I really enjoyed this chapter. The small little scene of Wes and Rui adjusting to their new living space, to the part where Wes is forced to bond with the kids, to the Shadow mons.
I love the nice little fun moment we got before transitioning to the heavier things. It's a nice way to bridge the gap and settle the scene.
And I also really love how different each Shadow mons is like. Maku is numb, Kohna is fearful, Nani is hardened and the Bayleaf is just rage personified. I really like the way you write their characters and how alive they feel. The thoughts going on their heads, the way they carry out their actions, it's all so good and I really wish I hadn't slept on this fic for so long.
Chapter 11:
Okay, a nice little scene showing Wes and Rui slowly adjusting to their new undercover life and some planning. Neo and Nove continue to be the little grenlins they are, sneaking off with all the bacon and unknowingly making their trainers life more of a living hell. But of course, they get their work cut out for then in the next scene where they play around and interact with the Shadow mons. Kohna continues to be the adorable little scared ball of fluff she is, how I wish I could just hug her and comfort the little baby, too bad I'd probably get burnt if I tried that.
And the pickpocket scene. Wes gets to show off during that bit, showing a side that Rui's probably suspected but never really seen. It's nice to see how he shows some compassion and gives the little guy some money. Really tells me the inner good guy hidden beneath that gruffy hair cut.
Then the battle with Emok and his first time using a Shadow mon. He fails miserably, of course, nearly getting one of his opponents dead because of his negligence but it isn't like I could really good that against him aside from not giving in so easily but he didn't really expect the almost-massacre so eh.
Chapter 12:
I like that we get little bits of Wes' backstory sprinkled in here and there. The harsh loner mentality engrained in his mind and the whole 'everyone about cares for themselves' is really getting chipped down by his new environment and situation. It's really cute seeing how everyone's kindness is slowly breaking down the walls he spent most of his lifetime building up. Ah, it just warms my heart seeing him slowly becoming true friends with Rui, almost made me forget the inevitable confrontation of his past and her reaction.
And once again, we get to see another fight. This time a Shadow on Shadow battle. The savagery behind their attacks as they tear through each other further accentuate just how wrong they are since every time we've seen them fight, they're basically acting like everything is a life-or-death situation.
Chapter 13:
Evolution origins! Ah, love that we get a follow-up from last chapter. Neo the Nommer of all Bacon, and his story. It's so cute that he evolved through an act of friendship and I love it doubly so when it contrast nicely with Novo's evolution. Neo wants to make him happy and provide ways to make him happy and laughing while Novo does it to protect his friend and his happiness and it's just so good.
I also wanna say just how easily hateable some characters are. You got some talent, making me hate a character by the very first sentence he spoke.
Overall, I had a great time with this chapter.
Chapter 14:
Okie, so the meeting between Wes, Sherles and Duking. Gotta say I disagree with Wes' decision since I think it's just better to rip the band-aid off quickly instead of putting more wax on the wound but I get why he does so. Not wanting to lose the first ever friend he's made in what must be years must be pretty rough on his soft little heart. Ah, the confrontation that is bound to happen is gonna be painful, I just know it will.
Also more insight on the Shadows' mindset. Ah, it's so disheartening to see just how discouraged and afraid they are from the pain and suffering they'd endured.
And Neo being the ever adorable yet dumb psychic cat he is, provoking someone that can tear his limbs off in an instant. Ah, never change you dumb dumb cat.
Rui's little scene with her grandparents was also pretty nice. Glad we could see them and not just have them be faceless nobodies. It's nice to see Rui wanting to be independent and strike out on her own. Really like the subtle development in her character as she slowly begins to grow up and mature.
And once again, I'm here to say that I absolutely adore Wes and Rui's friendship. It's so cute and lovely to see them having each other's back and helping one another.
Chapter 15:
Alright, so things are picking up. A bit of Wes' backstory for the reunion with Renna, Rui's insecurities, and slowly setting up whoever this 'Cipher' is.
So the chapter starts off with Wes and Rui getting followed. Judging by the buzz and light, I'm assuming Renna has a Volbeat or Illumise or something. Not much to say other than Wes is a very aware motherfucker but that's a given considering his past.
Speaking of past, we get more of Wes' past. His first ever friend that's his age. Ah, it's so cute. Too bad it didn't last long. I wonder what happened to them that broke their friendship. I don't think the bombing has anything to do with it but I don't know, it kinda feel like it is or is at least just a part of the bigger picture.
And then we also get to hear a bit of Rui's in securities. It's always nice to see the bright and cheery person having the bigger self-doubts, good on Duking for cheering her up. It shows just how much of a good character he is when he isn't near Wes.
And then the reunion. It took me by surprise to know that Wes does have friends I used to have friends. I feel like their broken friendship has things to do with lies and betrayal which I also suspected is one of the reason why Wes doesn't want to tell Rui his past. Since the last time someone figured out his secrets, he lost them as a friend.
Chapter Whatever:
Despite this not being an official chapter, this was still a nice little thingy to read. It was a nice wholesome cute break from all the plot that had happened.
I enjoyed the shenanigans Neo coerced the Shadow group into. The whole worship of bacon was definitely the greatest bit about this, up to Neo's failure in getting the one thing he risked a stern warning from. (Will anyone give the psychic kitty his bacon?) and Umbri bro Novo being the little snitch he is. Great stuff I say.
Also loved how Kohna and Maku tried to play but weren't quite used to not doing anything that didn't require a hundred percent of their focus. Many literally yeeting Novo was probably the best part of this chapter.
Chapter 16:
Ooh boy, how do I start this? Wes and Rui's friendship. Utterly adorable and just the way they interact with each other and how relaxed they are in each other's presence is so bloody cute. Easily one of my favourite things about this fic in general. I just love how genuinely wholesome they both feel when they interact.
Ahem, anyway, at the beginning of this chapter. We get a little insight on how Shadow mons get shadowfied. Something to do with serums or something? It lines up with Kohna's thoughts of injection and itchiness. It also perfectly sets up a later scene where Ein finally does something about Rui.
And now with the final scene, we get to see just what's about to go down. Teleported into a secluded area, outnumbered and outgunned so to speak. Now, how will Wes and Rui get out of this trap? Something tells me that Rui is gonna feel terrible about this even after they get out of this and well probably see more of Rui angst.
Chapter 17:
Ah damn it! I'm on the last chapter! Yellow, I demand you make more of this wonderful fic! /jk
So anyway, wooh! The action in this chapter was kicked up all the way to eleven. Chaos, blood, panic and screams. All wrapped up in a wonderful package of an all-out fight to the semi-death. The fast pace of everything happening at once, the way Wes checks his surroundings, making split second decisions and analysing his situation. Stuff like this just shows off how he'd survived nearly two decades in Snagem. Fighting off about three people at once and commanding his team in what is effectively a street brawl. And not to mention, we also get Rui in the spotlight, saving Wes from what would've definitely been fatal.
And then comes the recovery in both physical and mental. The way Wes shrugs off a concussion is both badass and reckless. He really should learn to just accept help. And Rui trying to shrug off her wounds because she didn't want to be a burden. Someone please tell them to stop shrugging off injuries, that's just a recipe for making things worse.
And Rui's breakdown. It's really heart breaking to see her like that but at the same time, it warms my cold decrepit heart that she trusts Wes that much that she would talk to him about this sort of thing. Really makes the buildup to the inevitable truth a really painful ordeal
Oh and before I forget to mention. I think I might just know who exactly is Sherles' resources and judging from the evidence I've accrued, it's... Renna! Since she seems to know he's working for the cops despite this chapter's villains not knowing his involvement. It also makes sense given that she still likes him and cares about him despite his sudden disappearance. And and, she said she lost him during Phenac and if my admittedly bad memory has something to say about it, Sherles' informant lost Wes during Phenac as well. So there nail in the coffin, I solved the mystery. Do I get a cookie for a job well done? Or did I miss the mark completely and threw the dart outside the barn?
Anyway, onto the line-by-line comments (know that some chapters are a bit shorter than others since I've been too immersed to even wanna say anything):
In the span of just over a day, she'd seen a crazed Pokémon, been kidnapped, had nearly suffocated in a sack, was rescued by someone who acted for all the world as though he'd rather have left her there, and was now flying across the desert in a crazy death trap of metal with said stranger.
What? Are you saying it's not normal to wander into a desert and accidentally save the world from a secret cultist plot that's hell bent on summoning an eldritch God and then having to fight said god to become one with yourself?
Despite his gruff demeanor and the begrudging manner in which he'd helped her, Rui did sense that Wes was a kind person under all the rough edges. His aura, a pleasant blue color, seemed to indicate so, at least
Ooh nice Aura worldbuilding. Seeing emotions as colors? I never tire of that trope. Wonder what a purple aura would mean since I'm assuming red is for evil 'cause blue is good.
As if on cue, the Umbreon hopped up onto the crate and peeked at the steadily darkening world through the grimy window. He turned to his trainer and bunted him happily with his head. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of Wes' mouth as he rubbed Novo's chin.
She certainly had no desire to repeat the experience of the last couple days, but Rui's yearning to see more of the word outside of Agate was still as fervent as ever
So is there a reason why there's an asterisk in PDA? I don't think I've ever seen anyone spell it like that... Then again, the only time I've ever seen a PDA is in tf2 fics. So maybe this is normal?
That’s not important now!” said Dash. He looked panicked. “Rui, those men that took you - they’re back! They’re here, and they were headed to the Mayor’s house!”
At first, he wasn’t sure what he was looking at. For half a crazed second, as he saw massive ball of red and white, he thought he might be looking at a bizarre Pokemon.
The “boss” placed a hand on his hip and cocked his head to the side as he surveyed the newcomers. He scoffed and turned his head back to Trudly. “Are you boys tellin’ me you lost to this lil’ scrap?”
Have to say. I just love these little bits of annoyance and frustration from Wes just seeing Rui's sincerity. Like he has a damaged past, after seeing the tidbit we got earlier this chapter. He probably has a past of deceit and crime and that he's used to lying and being lied to. And that every time he sees anyone being sincere or genuine or caring about other people, he gets mad and I feel like the reason he gets angry about that is because he is a good person but had a troubled life where he can't look at the good in people and is always forced to assume the worst. And he's also probably mad because Rui is being kind and genuine and he knows that she doesn't have any ill intentions no matter how much of what he's learned is telling him that she does.
So either he has a spy or he's working as a double agent for Snagsm. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the twist is that he is part of Snagem or new evil team considering the small mentions of corrupted authorities and stuff
Marcia (or Marci, as she had very adamantly insisted she be called) was the younger of Duking's two children. Her brother, Secc, had given a quiet but polite hello before retreating back into his book where he sat at the other end of the table.
Though now I'm wondering if it actually is goodwill or if it's some sort of game to Alden. Like he's in Snagem the gang of thieves and he seems to be high rank. Perhaps he just grew a conscious?
Well, considering Espeons are a friendship evo. You could say it's because he ate a fruit from the Tree of Friendship and was imbued by the Power of Friendship thus causing him to fall and evolve.
His tail felt...different. Longer. Narrower. Neo glanced over his shoulder, and a slender, forked tail was now where his bushy one should have been. The sun glinted off the fur on his back; his coat was now sleek and light purple in color, and when he moved, he could feel a new sense of power in his now slender legs. He was bigger now. Taller. Stronger.
Well, she seems pretty well off considering the jewelry, unless of course they're just fakes and are mostly for show. Makes me wonder why she isn't targeted more often if she shows off that much blinga ling if they aren't.
Wes stared at her. What did she mean by that? Her shift in attitude towards him was rather unexpected - but he caught the faintest glimmer of mischief in her eyes, and he felt unsettled under her knowing gaze.
And yet, despite the fact that he let out Neo and Novo in an attempt to calm his agitation with their presence, the question needled at his mind for the rest of the day.
Maku couldn't remember.
He sat atop the sofa in the living room and watched the world go by outside the large window. It had become a favorite spot of his; here, sitting in the sunlight, he could peacefully ponder without fear or disturbance or interruption - well, most of the time. The smaller humans liked to talk to him sometimes, but he usually didn't mind.
He shook his head, cleared his thoughts, and tried to remember.
...Or was he trying to forget?
Neo had a problem.
He stretched his paws out in front of him as he lazed idly on the floor of the waterfall cavern. He'd been dozing beside his brother for a while now, and he was very ready for a change of pace. He reached out a paw and nudged his sleeping sibling
Thirty minutes of waiting would normally feel like a lifetime; but as Neo sat through the remainder of the meeting in Wes' lap, perfectly content and relishing in the sensation of Wes' hand stroking his fur, it felt like no time at all.
The last few days had been nothing short of a whirlwind - but then again, Rui supposed she could say that about every day since she'd set out on her errand for Pokeballs; it had only been a few weeks since leaving home, and yet, with all the excitement, it felt as though it had been months
Rui retorted with a fast quip, but Wes wasn't listening anymore, his ears straining to pick back up the buzzing sound. Try as he might, though, he could no longer see nor hear their follower; they'd likely turned tail as soon as he'd caught sight of them.
Not that it mattered. The desert could freeze over, for all he cared; he would rather expose himself to the elements than spend a minute longer than necessary inside Snagem's hideout. At least out here, in the middle of a miniature sandstorm, no one would bother trying to find him
He stared at her for a moment, at this fierce, fiery girl who had absolutely no obligation to call him her friend...and smiled. He laughed and shook her hand.
The plan was simple. The kitchen was just the next room over, and as long as everyone remained quiet, sneaking into the White Box to pilfer this morning's leftover bacon would be no problem at all. All they had to do was follow his lead.
Neo picked up on the note of amusement mixed in with Wes' exasperation. He flicked his tail and responded with a sheepish mew. Did this mean...he might not be in trouble…?
"The next time I catch you stealing bacon, I'm turning you into a rug."
Of our 25 subjects, 10 have perished so far, and we expect 2 more to expire in the coming days. Of the expected 13 survivors, all have shown signs of gaining immunity.
And that should be it. I really enjoyed reading all of this and I really really wanna see what happens next. Well, hope you have a nice day ahead of ya. See ya later in your next update!
I finally return to finish off this Blitz with Sand and Shadows, covering chapter 4 and 5. I wished I could read more but I only recently got my energy back and need to spend it catching up on everything else. Still! It was a very cute opening but in chapter 4, Wes being a little stoic despite his aura suggesting otherwise. I liked the touches of how his Pokemon reflect that in some ways, too, like how Novo is distrustful while Neo is friendly. Wes has both of those traits in some ways, where he's conflicted in trying to just get away from everything as fast as possible, but also can't ignore when someone else is in need. In some ways, that is exactly why he's working against Team Snagem to begin with, right?
The perspectives directly from Novo and Neo were cute and helped to really outline how they felt about the whole situation. I especially liked the commentary about the sidecar because that's something that was on my mind from the actual game. His "spot" really has you thinking sometimes.
That being said, it did seem to go on for a while in terms of pacing, and in some cases, it felt like it was treading the same ground thrice from different angles. It might have been better if this perspective had been done later when there was more to cover, or perhaps if it was the main perspective when actual plot was also happening so there's some progress. It was cute but messed with what was some steady progress, pacing wise.
And then we see Miror B... Man, seeing this play out when I already know the big twist is kinda funny. In some ways it makes me wonder if there will be any particular elaborations to make things more interesting or not, or if things will change, but also I don't think that'll happen needlessly. How you'll make it different without being a straight novelization is what interests me here.
I like how Wes is constantly trying to get away while everything keeps drawing him back in.
Ah, I recognize some of these lines being said here, too. We even have the attack against Wes happening, too! Though I wonder if it'll happen more than this first time, unlike the games. I'm pretty confident it will beeee
And there's a major difference, it seems. In the main game, it's implied that Wes just smiles like a badass to indicate that he's a counter-terrorist double-crosser, but here he's much more cautious about what he'd done and isn't giving any of that away, even to Rui. That's one way to keep things different, though I wonder how long that will last since I'm pretty sure fairly early on that sort of thing becomes obvious...
That's all for now. Overall, I think we're making good progress on the story itself, but we haven't quite gotten to the point where it's a gauntlet of battles yet, and that's one thing I'm always worried about when it comes to adaptions. Sometimes they do too many battles that have little narrative impact. But so far, you've been doing well to keep things concise, and a few stray battles here and there are fine for the opener to introduce the dynamics between Wes and his Pokemon. In particular, the biggest potential is how he interacts with his Snagged Shadow Pokemon. One thing I still like about this story is that you give personality to the Pokemon and they're properly characters and not just extensions/tools for Wes. Good job there.
Ok, so, here for Reading Rookidee!
I said I would read 2 chapters to start this... Thanks to having downloaded it to my Kindle, I ended up reading like 12 chapters whoops
I really enjoyed this. I have a bit of a strange relationship with Colosseum/XD, I know generally what the games are about and, fun thing, most of what I know about them come from some unofficial Pokémon magazines that would print unofficial guides and walkthrough for the games and trivia, with screenshots and stuff... So I have a couple of numbers of that magazine that I would read and reread with walkthroughs for random bits of the story for Colosseum and XD and that's it.
The rest of what I know comes from watching a bit of a LP. (Mostly watching him lose his mind about the difficulty of the game lol)
Sooo.... In a strange way, reading this felt really nostalgic, because I kept picturing the little bits and pieces of the game that I had seen, like "oooh yeah you get Shadow Johto Starters!!", and it was a lot of fun both seeing them pop up and especially seeing how you contextualise and expand on them.
You somehow made Mirror B look threatening, respect.
My favourite part is definitely the relationship between Wes and Rui, but I was sure I would love them before even starting because of their grumpy/shine dinamic lol
Rui in the games is pretty much there to act as a shadow Pokemon detector, so seeing her get developed so much is really cool. And in much games with a silent protagonist it usually feels a bit weird to me to read them speak in fic, but here Wes feels extremely natural to me. Maybe because he is a lot less than a blank slate as other Pokémon MCs so the personality you gave him just feels right.
Some of my favourite scene in these chapters were probably the ones from the pov of the Shadow Pokémon, they really took me by surprise but I really like how you showed different ways that "shadowification" (?) can affect them in the form of the three starters.
Wes acting completely done and like the only sane man in the household is also a lot of fun to see, I'm looking forward to him opening up more and more (and to the moment Rui will make him laugh AUUUUGH, IT WILL BE PRECIOUS TO SEE I BET)
Hey there, Yellow! This is for your three-chapter review prize. I'm starting right where I left off, chapter 6 and into 8!
Chapter 6 was a very strong chapter that included combat, specifically because it blitzed past something from the games in an interesting way. The biggest part was that it showed just how powerful Wes was. I did note the lack of an encounter with Snagem here, though, so Rui could be kept ignorant of Wes' true nature for a while.
The way he quickly caught over half of the Pokemon thrown at him was the main takeaway of this chapter as well as how strong he is under pressure. Putting this in Rui's perspective was also a good call because it showed more depth in the Shadow Pokemon she dealt with and, from a more normal perspective, just how out of depth they were.
Also, the mayor putting everything in lockdown... yeah, I know why it was really done. Good call on Wes to get out of there, following his instincts.
Wow, chapter 7 opens with... a LOT of dark backstory. Between the nuclear war and the horrible plague, it's a bit much, in my opinion. Like, in terms of the tone, yeah, it was already a bit dark, but something about this seemed a little too dark for the rest of the story prior. It also felt, more importantly, thematically jarring in a lot of ways. I don't know, something about this particular backdrop feels too dark for dark's sake against the rest of the themes at play. We will see how it plays out, but the initial presentation was a flop.
And yeah the second half is even darker. We definitely have that TR brand whump concentrated in this chapter more than anything so far. And that flashback from before showed up for a second time with only a little more information as last time...
The whole gang culture here really shows how self-destructive it is with how they go against the basic human tenant of supporting one another. It's kind of the same reason the Sith in Star Wars doesn't make sense as an organization that can be successful since they keep cannibalizing each other in the name of being strong and unfeeling. Same problem here. It makes Wes turning against them very easy to believe, but admittedly the darker tone Team Snagem has here makes it hard to believe they'd have been able to become that successful as an organized syndicate.
And finally, we end off with a scene in Pyrite and its general... problems and all the Shadow Pokemon there, just as I remember. I kinda liked the atmosphere of the place, though I do wonder how Wes was able to be so familiar with the area and not expect to be known by the police, all things considered. The chapter's end is a very good hook in particular. I liked that the police aren't just depicted as totally incompetent here so much as overwhelmed by Snagem and Cipher, or at least competent enough to spot Wes despite his alias and so on. Granted, the Snag Machine would be a dead giveaway there if anyone had that intel...
Anyway, the title of the next chapter gives me a pretty good idea on what this encounter with the police will be. Probably something to make Wes take them down, or something, in exchange for being let go for his own crimes? That's my guess.
That's all for this set of chapters. I hope it's to your liking! Things are really picking up, and while I didn't care for the sudden backstory being thaaaat dark in so many different ways, I think present-day events are kicking into gear with the police.
