Pokémon Of Sand and Shadows

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, back for my second of three prize reviews, since I’m a bit on the slower side about these things since my format as you’ve gathered is a wee bit on the uncompressed side. Though last time, Wes and Rui went out on the town in Phenac, ran into some shady characters, and then drove away really, really fast into the desert on Wes’ frankenstein monstrosity of a bike.

Though I suppose that that’s our cue to see where everyone ended up, huh?

Chapter 4

Spoiler

Rui wasn't entirely sure this wasn't all just some sort of fever dream.

In the span of just over a day, she'd seen a crazed Pokémon, been kidnapped, had nearly suffocated in a sack, and was rescued by someone who acted for all the world as though if he'd rather have left her there. And was now she was flying across the desert in a crazy death trap of metal with said stranger.

It had been a weird day, to say the least.

I personally feel that the middle paragraph in this block works better formatted as more than one sentence. It doesn’t necessarily need to be handled in exactly the same fashion as indicated here, but something worth considering, at least.

Wes didn't speak at all as they sailed across the sands. Rui was actually quite all right with this, as most of her concentration was spent shielding her face from the sandy winds and trying not to panic at the absolutely terrifying speed at which Wes was driving.

How on earth is that not murdering her eyes right about now? ^^;

Rui peeked at the driver underneath her hands covering her face. Despite his gruff demeanor and the begrudging manner in which he'd helped her, Rui did sense that Wes was a kind person under all the rough edges. His aura, a pleasant blue color, seemed to indicate so, at least. And After all, he didn't have to escort her all over Phenac and treat her to a meal, least of all much less take her somewhere to find Pokéballs. His actions seemed very contradictory to his attitude, and she had to admit she found it a little amusing.

Some minor rephrasing suggestions for this part here. Though I see that Rui has Lucario vision with that aura sensitivity of hers. Though I have to wonder how on earth that sensitivity of hers works since you’d think that if it’d been around while meeting Es Cade, it’d have yielded… uh… interesting results if Rui knew what to look for.

She pulled her gaze away from Wes to glance at her surroundings; at one point, she thought she saw some town the ruins of a town in the distance, and despite the desert heat, she shivered. Wes would probably scoff at her for it, but she hated even thinking of Noctis ruins. They were a bad omen.

Ah yes, our first passing acknowledgement of that hell plague that swept through Orre sometime around the time of Wes’ childhood. Though it’s done in a pretty nice fashion here to tee up interest in what this ‘Noctis’ is.

The hours ticked by in silence as the sun slinked lower and lower in the sky. Rui's ears gradually adjusted to the dull roar of the engine, and she found that if she ducked her head at just the right angle, she could keep most of the sand from out of her face. She still found herself wishing for some goggles like the ones Wes had, though.

Rui: “Hey, Wes? I know it might be asking for a lot but can I borrow those goggles?”
Wes: “And who do you think’s going to be driving this thing without them, huh?”

Rui: “... Right, nevermind. I can wait. (Boy I really need to get myself a set of those…)”

After what felt like ages, the bike started to slow. She looked up, hopeful to see their destination—and saw nothing but more desert and an old abandoned train car. What?

Wes rolled the bike to a stop. Bewildered, Rui glanced around again, thinking that maybe she missed something, but the scenery remained desolate and unchanged. She started to feel a little uneasy. Surely Wes hadn't dragged her out here with ill intentions...?

Wes: “For the record, you were here earlier when you were tied up and bundled in that sack. It’s a diner and gas station.”

"Are you coming?" His voice made her jump. He'd already started for the old, worn down building and was impatiently looking at her over his shoulder. His Umbreon and Espeon had been released from their Pokéballs and were already waiting outside the car's entrance.

"Um...where are we, exactly?" Rui asked nervously.

Wes: “The Outskirt Stand? Do you not see the sign dangling from the back of the gutted locomotive?” -_-;
Rui: “Look, it’s not exactly light right now, and from how sun-faded that sign is, I’m not sure I’d be able to read that even during daytime.” >_>;

Wes didn't answer, but jerked his head to the train car. It was only then that she noticed there were lights on inside the thing, and the dim strains of Western music reached her ears. So it wasn't entirely abandoned, after all.

Huh, so the shopkeep keeps this place going even late at night. Though I suppose it’d make sense given that there’s bupkis elsewhere in any direction and there’s a bar in the official depiction.

Rui clambered awkwardly out of the sidecar, once again nearly face-planting into the sand as she did so, and followed Wes as they headed into the...whatever this place was.

It was a diner, apparently.

Novo:

“*It’s more of a gas station. The official description in the games characterizes it as one-*”
Wes: “Look, Neo. There’s places to sit inside and it sells food and booze. It still counts as a diner!” >_>;

Rui blinked in the dim lighting as she surveyed the dusty interior. This place was very different from home, but it was also very different from Phenac. Most of the places she'd seen had tried to flourish despite the lifeless desert, as if trying to fight against their surroundings and prove to be they were something more. This place embraced the empty sands, the lawlessness of the desert, and made it a home—a creaky, grimy, dilapidated one, but a home, nonetheless.

Don’t forget how the entire locomotive and its wheels are all like half-rust at this point. :V

Wes approached the sleepy-eyed man behind the counter, who could only be the owner of the place. He rubbed the back of his head as he addressed him. "Hey, Grogan. Got any Pokéballs in stock?"

The man, Grogan, gave Wes a bleary-eyed stare. "Pokéballs?" he grunted. "The hell do you need those for?"

Huh. I did not recall the guy behind the counter at the Outskirt Stand having a name. Is this from supplemental material to Colosseum, or did you roll this wholesale for the story?

"They're not for me, they're for her." Wes nodded at Rui.

Grogan looked her up and down. He raised an eyebrow at Wes. "Who's this, your mail-order girlfriend?"

I can already see Wes and Rui dying inside of embarrassment.

Rui felt a wave of indignation at the snide remark. She was about to offer a stinging reply when Wes answered. "She's just a lost traveler. I'm doing her a favor."

"Awful long way to come for a favor."

Wes: “We… kinda had reasons to take the long route, really. A bunch of really angry and shouty reasons.” >_>;

[ ]

"We're looking for Pokéballs, do you have them or not?" An edge crept into Wes' voice.

Grogan waved a dismissive hand. "Sure, sure, I got the old things somewhere." He turned and headed into the kitchen. Rui noticed a somewhat startled expression on Wes' face.

It might have made sense to describe Wes’ reaction a little bit more in the bit in brackets, especially if his expression is visibly changing before he asks about Grogan’s Pokéball stash.

"You look pretty surprised he has Pokéballs," Rui observed. "I thought you knew he had them?"

Wes turned to look at her, his surprised expression melting into a smooth, unfazed one. "Well, yeah. This is the only place I've known in Orre to ever sell them, so he doesn't always have them in stock."

Rui: “... I’m sorry, what did you do again such that you’d constantly come out here of all places?”

Wes: “... I was a motorcycle courier for some tough customers?” ^^;

That makes sense, Rui thought. She began to feel slightly ashamed of herself for doubting the trainer. So what if he was a little guarded? He'd saved her life in more than one way today, and she ought to be grateful.

Yeah, my money is just on Rui being inept at reading Auras beyond the highest of levels, since it would explain a lot about how she’s not getting any red flags from any of the people she’s encountered up to this point in the story.

Grogan returned to the counter with a bag in hand. "Got 'em here," he grunted, and then unceremoniously dumped out the bag's contents onto the countertop.

Rui blinked at the little balls rolling across the dingy surface. There was a much greater variety than she'd expected; red, blue, yellow. She stared at them all and realized she didn't have the slightest clue what the difference was between them. "Uh."

Do I want to know just how rock bottom Orre got in the past given that there’s apparently young adults that have grown up this ignorant about how different types of Pokéballs work in this setting?

Wes heaved a weary sigh beside her. "Just all of the regular ones," he said. "And maybe a few Great Balls."

Grogan obliged and packed about half a dozen red Pokéballs and about four blue ones. "Will that be enough?" Wes asked Rui.

Wait, wait, wait. But then what were the yellow Pokéballs in Grogan’s stash? Ultra Balls? Or something different?

"Yeah, those should be fine," Rui mumbled. She dropped her gaze to the floor and shuffled awkwardly, feeling acutely embarrassed at her complete lack of knowledge. She'd expected this to be a relatively simple errand, but clearly she had been utterly unprepared for it. No wonder Papi was hesitant to let me go. I have no idea what I'm doing...

Wes: “... Seriously? Did you never look this up on the internet before going off from home?” [riowtf]
Rui: “Look, I grew up with my grandparents in a backwater where the average resident is like 60 years old, okay? I’m not sure if there’s a computer in the entire village.” >_>;

To make matters worse, Rui quickly realized that neither she nor Wes had a bag to carry the Pokéballs. Grogan merely waved a hand and let her keep the old canvas tote he'd brought the balls out in.

"I've got plenty of space for the rest of these old things, and that bag was just collectin' dust anyway."

Yeah, I guess that there’d be diddly for Pokéball business when there’s next to nothing for wild Pokémon to catch. Though that makes me wonder how much uptake of Pokéballs there is for Orrean trainers whose Pokémon accidentally wreck their Pokéballs for whatever reason.

Rui thanked him profusely and stuffed the balls into her new bag, feeling even more abashed than before. She heard Wes saying something more to the diner owner, but she wasn't paying much attention anymore. She leaned against a wall with a sigh, and felt something brush her hand.

She jumped, and then looked down to see Neo nosing at her fingers. He blinked up at her with dark, inquisitive eyes. Rui couldn't help but smile at the innocence reflected in his silvery aura. He'd done this same thing just hours before, when they were at the restaurant, and he was just so darned cute she couldn't possibly resist showering him with affection.

Huh, so Rui’s aura-vision does come in colors beyond “blue” and “Shadowmon purple”. Noted, then.

Rui crouched down to his level and the Espeon allowed her to stroke his fur with a purr. "You're a glutton for attention, aren't you?"

Neo shamelessly purred louder in response.

Neo: “*Yes, that’s it human, give me all the pets right now~*”

She noticed Novo watching from a safer distance. He sat primly at Wes' feet, crimson eyes narrowed distrustfully as he observed her. She'd attempted to pet him, too, at the restaurant, and his only response had been to snarl at her. Unlike his brother, Novo's aura was a lovely shade of lavender—and it spiked every time she addressed him.

"Novo, was it?" Rui asked softly.

Wait, a shade of lavender? Maybe I’m just overthinking it, but given that Shadow Pokémon in official depictions have a dark-purple aura around them…

The Umbreon answered with a growl.

This caught Wes' attention. He looked over his shoulder and glanced between Rui and Novo. "What are you doing?"

Rui smiled up at him sheepishly. "Just trying to make friends."

Neo: “*And you know, Novo was being a killjoy instead of lightening up and just enjoying the free pets-*”
Novo: “*Well excuse me for valuing my personal space, Neo!*”

He gave her an odd look, but said nothing. Rui was sure he thought she was crazy—although, given the day's events, she couldn't entirely blame him. She sighed and stood, despite Neo's soft protest for more attention.

"I guess your Umbreon doesn't like strangers...sorry about that."

There’s a story behind that one, isn’t there? Since I feel as if there’s a story there.

Though I personally feel that separating Rui’s dialogue from the preceding description works a bit better for making both parts of this paragraph stand out a bit more.

Wes merely shrugged. He nodded to Grogan and made for the door. "Let's go," he said.

Rui blinked. "Go...where?"

"It's too late to go anywhere else, so I booked us a place for the night."

He didn't wait for her reply before pushing his way out the door, so Rui quickly followed him before giving a hurried thanks to the diner owner. She stepped out into the desert air and was surprised by how cool it already was - the temperatures were rapidly dropping now that the sun was almost below the horizon.

… Wait, there’s rooms at the Outskirt Stand that can be rented? I mean, I suppose that makes sense given the events of Chapter 1 now that I think about it, but… where? .-.

"S-sorry, but I'm just confused," she said as she tried to match Wes' brisk pace. "Where exactly are we staying? This place doesn't look like it has any rooms..."

Once again, instead of answering, Wes simply kept walking until they reached the back end of the train car. He kicked away a layer of sand to reveal what looked like some kind of cellar door, then wrenched it open and, to Rui's disbelief, gestured for her to step inside.

This is exactly how you die in horror movies, Rui.

Is there such a thing as a 0-star hotel? If so, I think we just found one.

Rui:

Wes: “Look, this place is a cheap dump without proper air conditioning, are you really surprised that they didn’t build their lodging in the place where there’s natural cooling?” >_>;

Still, Wes hadn't given any indication that he planned to hurt her in any way, and she felt a little better upon seeing his Pokémon dart down the creaky steps as if they'd been here before. She took a deep breath before glancing briefly at Wes.

She couldn't help but notice that the golden rays of the setting sun matched his eyes. Rui balked at this the sudden thought. What is wrong with you? she asked herself sternly. She shook her head slightly and then ducked into the cellar.

Oh, so she’s already getting dreamy over Wes, huh?

It was pleasantly cool in the place, if a little dank and musty. The only source of light was a tiny window right near the ceiling and an old, dim lightbulb that hung so low she nearly hit her head on it. The walls were covered with shelves of stored food, and the only thing on the floor was a small mattress and quilt.

The cellar door slammed shut and Wes stepped into the room behind her. "It's really not much," he said, "but it's the best option available out here." He must have noticed her eyeing the tiny mattress, because he then added, "You can take that. I'll sleep on the floor."

Rui: “You seriously paid to sleep here? At this rate, you might as well just pitch a tent in the desert!”

Wes: “Again, there’s not exactly a ton of options to pick from out here.” >.<

"Are—are you sure?" Rui turned to him uncertainly. She felt as though she'd been asking that question a lot today.

"I prefer the floor anyway."

Oh, so his cats steal the mattress normally, huh?

The weirdest thing about that statement was, he seemed to mean it. This baffled her a little. What kind of person liked to sleep on the floor?

A person whose bed gets sniped by his cats. :V

She sighed and flopped onto the mattress, only to cough and gag as a cloud of dust puffed up into her face.

Wes grimaced a little. "Sorry. Should have warned you about that."

Well, that sounds like another reason for Wes to prefer sleeping on the floor instead of the mattress.

Rui, still coughing, just shook her head and indicated it was fine with a wave of her hand.

Narrator: “It was not fine.”

The trainer gestured to some water bottles sitting near the steps on a crate. "Some water, if you need any," he mumbled, then he went about setting up his space.

Wes removed his blue coat, revealing a black tank top underneath. Rui couldn't help but notice a variety of faint scars across his arms and shoulders. Overwhelming curiosity made her want to ask about them, but she'd gotten the distinct impression that the man hated questions, so instead she held them back.

Yeeeeeeah, somehow I doubt that those scars have happy stories behind them, Rui. So you probably don’t want to go prying willy-nilly when you’ve known this guy for like 6 hours in total.

But then she saw Wes push a large crate up against the wall under the small window, and she couldn't help herself. "What's that for?"

"It's for Novo," he answered simply. "He likes to watch the sky at night."

As if on cue, the Umbreon hopped up onto the crate and peeked at the steadily darkening world through the grimy window. He turned to his trainer and bunted him happily with his head. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of Wes' mouth as he rubbed Novo's chin.

I think that you’re missing either a “the sky” or “the moon” as part of Wes’ line there.

Rui couldn't help but smile a little herself. Gruff though he may be as he was, this odd stranger was certainly soft on his Pokémon.

Oh, so Wes is very “if anything happened to them, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself” with regard to his cats, huh?

Though, huh. I see that the idea of there being a cellar is playing off of how there’s a gap under the Outskirt Stand where the wheels of the locomotive used to be. Or at least I think that’s the idea there.

Wes waited for Rui to get settled on her mattress before turning out the light. The dim lights from the train car overhead filtered through the tiny window, but they were left in almost complete darkness save for Novo's gently pulsing rings.

I actually completely forgot that it’s official fluff that Umbreon’s rings glow when exposed to moonlight. Cute little tie-in there.

"Um, goodnight, I guess," Rui said awkwardly. What did one say in a situation like this?

There was a pause, and for a moment she thought he wouldn't answer her. Then he heard his mumble from his place across the small cellar. "Night."

Rui settled down onto the mattress. She'd never stayed in a place like this, and wondered if she would ever be able to fall asleep. But then the events of the day caught up to her, and her exhaustion pulled her under.

Novo: “*... How on earth were you able to stay up all this time after everything? You’re not even nocturnal!*”

She couldn't be sure what time it was when she woke.

It was still dark outside as Rui sat up. She promptly stifled another cough as more dust swirled up from the mattress at her movements. So much dust everywhere...the first thing she was going to do when she got home was shower.

Rui: “Seriously, I’m starting to think that we should’ve just camped out under the stars last night. Not as if there’s any Pokémon around who could attack us.” >_>;

Still, though...Rui glanced around the dark cellar and shook her head to herself in disbelief. It was wasn't an ideal situation, but it was far better than wherever she might have ended up if she'd never been rescued from that sack…

Rui: “Which is kinda a pathetically low bar to cross, but…” ^^;

A shiver rippled down her spine at the memory: the suffocating heat. The mens' voices and rough hands as they tossed her around like merchandise. The paralyzing terror as she had started to wonder that maybe it didn't matter where they were taking her because she was going to die of heat stroke before she got there…

Rui's hand flew to her necklace. She grasped it tightly, forcing herself to take deep breaths and keep her hands steady. She could feel the edges of the black crescent moon pendant digging into her palm, and the sensation grounded her a little.

You're fine. You're fine. Everything is fine. She closed her eyes. You're safe. You'll be home soon.

I’m honestly a little surprised that you didn’t play Rui’s war flashbacking over being kidnapped as being a nightmare sequence that she wakes up from and then reminds herself that she’s back in the safety of her crummy cellar room, though I suppose that that might be getting a bit too by-the-numbers for plot beats.

Her panic gradually eased and she relaxed her grip on the pendant. Yes, everything would be alright. Soon she would be back home, and everything would be back to normal…

And yet...did she want things to go back to normal? She certainly had no desire to repeat the experience of the last couple days, but Rui's yearning to see more of the world outside of Agate was still as fervent as ever.

She opened her eyes and looked down at her palm, where a crescent moon-shaped indentation had formed from her tight hold. She'd always wanted to travel the region—and maybe even the world someday—ever since Rui's mother had told her stories of her home region of Hoenn...Rui sat quietly for a few moments, lost in a swirl of thoughts and memories.

>had told her

Oh, that’s a omen for what happened to her in this story. Especially since in Colosseum there’s exactly zero hint of Rui’s parents to be seen anywhere.

A soft glow caught her attention. She spotted Novo sitting on his crate by the window, ears pricked, eyes alert as he watched the world outside. Rui couldn't help but wonder if there even was anything to see out there.

Novo: “*Morning twilight and the daystar, duh.*”
Rui: “Er, you’re… certainly quite dedicated about your sky-watching.” .-.

All the same, the Dark-type Pokémon brought a small smile to her face. Rui raised a hand to her necklace once more as fond childhood memories of her mother's Pokémon, another Dark-type, rose to the surface. She watched Novo for a moment, running her thumb over the smooth pendant.

Her mouth felt dry and sticky, and she remembered what it was that caused her to wake. Breaking from her stupor, she slowly rose from her mattress to grab one of the water bottles that Wes mentioned earlier.

Well, looks like being underneath a rusted-out locomotive has its limits for how much natural cooling one gets in the Orrean desert.

The trainer in question was, indeed, on the floor. He'd apparently rolled up his coat to serve as a pillow, and Neo was curled up against his trainer's chest. One arm was loosely draped over the Espeon, and the two were fast asleep. Rui smiled a little at the sight. There had been a time when she thought she would be traveling around, with a Pokémon to sleep beside at night…

So that’s what Rui was up to when she used to have her Swablu, huh?

She shook these thoughts from her mind and was making her way past the sleeping pair to the crate near the door when a low growl met her ears.

Rui glanced over her shoulder to see Novo watching her every move with narrowed crimson eyes. His body was stiff, hairs on the back of his neck raised. She noticed him glance between her and his trainer.

Rui: “Gee, why don’t you go ahead and hiss at me for good measure?” ._.;
Neo: “*Keep at it with that attitude of yours, and I will!*” [absus]

"It's...it's okay, Novo," she whispered slowly. "I'm just getting some water. I won't hurt your trainer, I promise."

Novo continued to stare, but his growls subsided at her words.

Note to self: Pokémon in this continuity apparently have some level of baseline intelligibility of human speech, since Novo sure seemed to understand what Rui was communicating to him there.

Rui moved cautiously to the crate, grabbed a water bottle, and tiptoed past Wes and Neo back to her mattress. Novo again growled softly as she stepped past his trainer a second time, but remained where he was.

She settled back on her mattress with a quiet sigh. She gave the Umbreon a tired smile. "See? I'm harmless, I promise."

I’m not entirely convinced of that given that she has those aura-sensing abilities, but… yeah, I suppose Rui does have a ways to go before she can go making any trainers back down from fights in this Orre.

Novo gave her a hard look that plainly said I doubt that very much before returning to gaze out his window.

I wonder if that’s foreshadowing that Rui’s going to do things in this story other than just be a sidekick who checks auras. Since if Novo is getting a vibe that Rui’s future trouble…

Rui downed the water greedily and was just about to get back to sleep when she heard another sound.

She lifted her head off the pillow. Through the dim light of Novo's glow, she could see Wes twitching in his sleep. His breathing became labored, and he started to mumble something in distress.

"No...please...no—"

Oh boy, nightmare time, huh? Time to find out what the repressed trauma Wes has been having to deal with here is since… uh, there’s quite a few options to potentially choose from. ^^;

Rui paused. Should I wake him? she wondered anxiously. She was pondering what to do when Novo, without a sound, slipped from his perch atop his crate down to the floor below, and stepped up to his trainer.

Rui, just saying, this sounds like a fantastic way to get stabbed by a Skarmory feather right now.

The room brightened a little as his rings filled with light. He bowed his head, touching his muzzle to Wes' forehead, and a soft hum filled the room. After a brief moment, the sound faded, the lights dimmed, and Wes fell back into peaceful slumber with a quiet sigh.

Wait, was that Hypnosis, or…?

Novo silently stalked back to his crate without sparing Rui so much as a passing glance. She could only stare at him in wonder. What was that? Was this a common occurrence? She'd never seen a Pokémon use Hypnosis on their trainer before…

Whelp, Hypnosis confirmed. Though this doesn’t sound remotely healthy right now. Not that there’s likely to be a ton of therapists in Orre.

Rui rested her head back on her pillow. It seemed the more time she spent with this unusual trio, the more questions she had. She was pondering these many questions when she finally drifted back to sleep.

Yeah, I’m not convinced that she’s going to take getting some of the answers to those questions well. Especially the ones regarding what Wes’ former day job used to be.

Wes could not believe that, a full day later, he was right back where he had started.

Not only that, but instead of his Pokémon sitting across from him in their usual diner booth, it was this girl.

Why, is she burning a hole in your pocket with ordering bacon, too?

He'd figured they could all do with some breakfast before returning to Phenac, so here they were, morning sunlight filtering through the dirty windows, waiting for their food to be ready as Neo and Novo downed their kibble at Wes' feet.

Rui: “... I’m sorry, didn’t we have to run away really quickly from Phenac just yesterday since you ran into some thugs? Why do we want to go back there so quickly?” .-.

He put his head into his gloved hands and sighed. It's like Arceus himself doesn't want me to leave this place.

Arceus: “Well, duh. I need you to be the protagonist for this desert cesspool, so take the hint already.”

"Es-piiiii?" Neo peeked at him from under the table with wide, sparkling eyes.

"Neo, you're getting regular Pokémon food today, and I swear to Arceus if you whine to me about it, I'll put you in your ball for the rest of the day," Wes growled.

Ah, so there’s the whining for bacon we were all expecting. :V

Neo looked thoroughly mortified at this answer, but he knew defeat when he saw it. He slunk back to his place under the table with a pout.

Rui giggled at the sight. "He must love human food, huh?"

"Mostly just bacon," Wes muttered. A small part of him regretted the day he'd let the two brothers try some. What a pair of monsters he'd created.

Yeeeeeah, those two’s cholesterol readings must be stratospheric if they’re going through bacon as often as Wes is implying there. ^^;

Rui placed her elbows on the table and leaned in a little. "So we're going back to Phenac today, yeah?"

"That's the plan."

[ ]

"Do you have a P*DA or something? I'd really like to find a way to contact you and pay you back when I can..."

"I don't give out my number to people I don't know. Sorry."

This is a moment where it makes sense to say a little more about Rui’s reaction / facial expression, IMO. Though it might also make sense to have either Wes or Rui reiterate why they’re going back to Phenac right now. I might have been overlooking something, but I’m not sure if either of the two explicitly stated why they’re going back after their scare yesterday.

"Oh?" She cocked her head at him, a smile dancing across her face. "You don't give out your number to strangers, but you'll rescue them from kidnappers, escort them around the city, and give them food and a place to stay for the night?"

Wes felt a small tinge of warmth in his face. "That's...different."

Wes: “Yes, yes, I’m dumb and impulsive sometimes. You don’t need to rub it in.” >_>;

"It's very different from just giving out your number, I agree." She smirked.

"Look, I didn't—I don't—"

Rui laughed, and the sound filled the small diner. Wes was grateful that there weren't any other customers to give them weird looks this time.

"I'm teasing, Wes. You don't have to give me your number if you aren't comfortable. I just want to pay you back, that's all."

Wes’ face is beet red right now, isn’t it? :P

[ ]

"Well...don't worry about it," Wes mumbled in response. He'd much rather send this girl on her way and never have to contact her again. It was simpler that way.

Another spot where it might make sense to slow down a bit and describe Wes’ reaction a bit more.

The call for their order came, and he was grateful for the chance to end the conversation, if only briefly. He knew she would likely pepper him with more questions once he returned with their food—and, lo and behold, he was right.

Ah yes, living up to that chapter in live-time, I see. o<o

"So, where are you heading?" Rui asked him around a mouthful of omelette.

"Pyrite, actually." Wes had pondered a few false answers to give her, so as to prepare for the onslaught of questions.

Rui's eyes widened in shock. She hastily swallowed her bite of food. "Pyrite? But...why?"

Wes shrugged. "Thought I might take on the Colosseum challenge there."

Oh, so that’s how Wes winds up getting roped into the Colosseum plot in spite of attempting to peace out from the region and hop a boat in Gateon.

"Ohhhh!" Rui suddenly leaned forward in excitement, putting her face far too close to Wes' for his comfort. "That's so cool! Agate doesn't have a Colosseum, so I've never seen any Colosseum matches before!"

Can’t tell whether that’s a bad or a good thing given some canonical trends at Orre’s Colosseums at around this time in the official narrative.

"Um, yeah." Wes leaned away from her to regain some breathing room. Not for the first time, he wondered what in Mew's name was wrong with this girl. Had she never heard of personal space?

This is going to turn out to be Juri Katou from Digimon Tamers all over again where it turns out that Rui has some serious personal issues and hides it behind a perky and bubbly exterior, huh?

Thankfully, Rui sat back in her seat with a resigned sigh. "If this trip has taught me anything, it's that I really haven't seen enough of Orre. So much of it is so different from what I'm used to."

Wes: “... I mean, there’s sand, shadows, and all-around ‘desert craphole’ just about everywhere? Really, outside of a couple towns like Phenac and Gateon, you’re really not missing out on much here compared to your trees in Agate Village.”

It's about time you realized.

"You could always change that, you know," said Wes as he picked at his plate. "You shouldn't wait too long to leave a place." Like me, he thought ruefully.

Oh, so Wes had a chance to leave Orre in the past but didn’t take it? Or at least I think that that’s the implication?

"I would, but...I probably shouldn't go alone." Rui gave a slightly bitter laugh. "I mean, we both know how that went when I tried it."

"Then go with someone."

"I don't really have anyone to go with."

Rui: -stares insistently across the table-
Wes: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Neo: “*Oh come on, Wes. You know that we have to get her into this story somehow. Besides, I like her!*”

"What, you don't have trainer friends?"

She dropped her gaze to the table. "No, actually," she said hesitantly. "I mean, Agate is mostly full of old, retired Ace trainers and maybe a few young families that are related to them.”

[ ]

“There wasn't anybody my age growing up, so...I didn't really have any friends." She grinned at him sheepishly. "Sounds kind of pathetic, huh?"

I would recommend splitting Rui’s dialogue up and giving her some sort of awkward body language, but yeah. This definitely sounds very ‘Agate Village’ from what I recall of it. ^^;

No, Wes thought, It sounds...lonely. For once, he thought he could relate to her, if only just a little. "Well, get yourself some Pokémon, then. Be a trainer. You're probably safest that way, anyway."

Rui: “... Wes, this is Orre. How do you expect me to get Pokémon on my own in this region?”

Wes: “Look lady, just sna-”
Neo + Novo:
[hand_over_throat_gif]
Wes: “Ask some trainers for advice? There’s Pokémon Centers in this region, right?” ^^;

Rui laughed again. "Come on. You and I both know Pokémon aren't easy to come by. They haven't been since the Johtohan War." The smile faded from her face a little. "I...I don't do Pokémon, anyway."

Wes frowned at her. "Why not?" She certainly seemed to like them enough.

"I just...don't."

Because her last one died in her arms when she was a child and it hugely traumatized her. Or at least I’m pretty sure that was the implication from that one short story in your drabble collection.

Though ‘Johtoan War’, huh? I see that their problems didn’t stay on their side of the mountains.

It was the first vague answer she'd given. Wes took the hint and didn't press the issue further. They finished their meal soon after and headed out to Wes' motorbike.

Rui: “But don’t motorbikes usually have at least two wheels-?”
Wes: “Look, I’m not calling it a ‘unicycle’, okay?” >_>;

Neo had warmed up to Rui quite a bit over the last twenty-four hours. Wes had a suspicion that it had to do with the fact that she was always showering him with attention and praise whenever the Espeon so much as looked at her. He narrowed his eyes as he watched Neo rub up against her legs with a hopeful mewl.

Well, yes, that would definitely help with getting him to warm up there. :V

"Oh my gosh, you're so adorable!" Rui giggled as Neo brushed against her. He answered with a happy chirp. She grinned over her shoulder at Wes. "I think he really likes me!"

"He likes everybody," Wes replied dryly, although he knew that wasn't exactly true.

As we all saw in Chapter 1 with his behavior towards the Team Snagem randoms, but he likes everyone that matters in this story thus far. ^^;

Rui didn't seem to hear his remark and walked ahead to the motorcycle with a spring in her step. Wes glared down at his Espeon. "Stop sucking up to her. She's not staying."

Neo:

Neo's only response was to blink smugly at his trainer before sauntering ahead, tail held high.

Brat.

Neo: “*Just saying, our writer wouldn’t be getting artwork of you two if she wasn’t going to stick around.*”

Wes: “Oi, you don’t know that!”

He once again had to return Neo and Novo to their Pokéballs to make room for Rui in the sidecar. Neo was more willing to go along with it this time, but Novo seemed more sour about it than ever. Wes sighed quietly to himself and wondered how long his Umbreon would hold this against him.

Novo: “*Wes, that’s my sidecar!*”

Wes: “Look, just… bear with me a bit here, okay, Novo?” >_>;

Once they were both seated, he heard Rui speak up from beside him. "To Phenac, then?"

Wes nodded and gripped the handlebars. "To Phenac." And then, finally, to Gateon. And beyond.

He roared up the engine, and they were off into the desert once more.

Neo: “*Lol. Lmao.*”
Wes: “Oi, get back in your Pokéball, Neo!” >.<

Neo liked the new girl.

He had decided so almost immediately upon seeing her emerge from that stuffy brown sack. Even though he'd sensed anxiety and fear rolling off her in waves, he also sensed something else: kindness. Gentleness. Sincerity.

He liked that. It reminded him of his trainer.

Oh, so Neo can sense aura too… maybe. That might just be more standard empathic abilities there.

Her vivaciousness made itself known as they walked around town, and he liked her even more. Her bright spirit added a new dynamic to the trio that Neo had not seen before, and it was fun. Novo was always serious and alert, and Wes always made an effort to remain composed and impassive. Neo loved them, but Mew above, being the only energetic one of the group sometimes got downright boring.

Oh, so Neo was basically the foil to Wes and Novo’s Grumpy Guses, huh? :P

Her energetic enthusiasm, while thrilling to him, only seemed to agitate his trainer. She peppered him with questions, laughed a lot, and walked with a bounce in her step all while irritation quietly emanated from Wes in spades. Neo found this highly entertaining to watch.

inb4 Novo’s just actively mirroring Wes’ mood right now, since I remember how he was described interacting with Rui in the hotel room scene.

But aside from her odd red hair, her loud laughter, and her bubbly personality, there was one reason above all others why he liked the girl so much.

She was a total pushover.

Rui: “I’m sorry, excuse me?”

He'd discovered this as they sat at their booth in the Phenac restaurant. While his trainer spoke with the girl, Neo had cautiously leaned forward to sniff her hands from his place at Wes' feet. Her scent was pleasant yet unfamiliar, and it stoked his curiosity. She must have felt his whiskers, because suddenly her attention was on him and she was stroking his head and cooing at him all the while, telling him how handsome and beautiful he was.

Well, she clearly had good taste.

Novo: “*Seriously, Neo?*”

Neo: “*You know, if you were a bit less salty and jealous and more gregarious, maybe she’d have given you some pets, too.*” >:V

He tested this a few more times, and sure enough, each time he brushed against her, he was showered with her affection. She seemed absolutely thrilled every time he paid attention to her, and she was more than willing to return the favor.

I wonder if Wes is similarly putty in Neo’s paws or if he’s a bit more resistant to his efforts there.

They were at the Outskirt Stand when Neo decided to test this even further. He was pouting under the table after he'd given Wes the Begging Eyes and was told a hard ‘no’. The smell of bacon wafted tantalizingly in the air, and Neo chuffed and gloomily laid his head on his paws. He couldn't believe his trainer sometimes. Who could possibly deny him, Neo the Great (and Handsome, according to the redhead) Espeon, when he put on the charm? Apparently his stone-cold trainer could. Hmphf.

>this thought process

I mean, it’s definitely very archetypically “cat” there.

His eyes rested on the pink pair of boots across from him, and he had an idea.

He waited until near the end of their meal when Wes briefly left the table to pay for their food, then slunk over to the girl and rested his head in her lap. He let his ears and tail droop, then looked her straight in the eyes and blasted her with Irresistible Cuteness, utilizing his Begging Eyes to the max.

Ah yes, kitty eyes in action. I can already tell that Neo ate good from this given what we’ve seen of Rui so far in this story.

It was a sight to behold. Her face crumbled, her resolve wilted, and she glanced quickly about before discreetly slipping him a piece of bacon under the table.

"Don't tell Wes," she whispered.

Yeah, I knew it. So just how much jealous seething was Novo doing afterwards, huh? o<o

Neo devoured the meat with gusto. He could feel his brother's stare of disbelief on the back of his head and could practically hear him asking where his dignity went. Neo chose to ignore this, and instead licked the last remnants of bacon from his muzzle and settled down smugly at Wes' feet when he returned. Score one for the Espeon.

Yes. Neo liked the new girl very much.

Oh, so Novo really was jealously seething over Neo getting bacon and not him.

Novo was very unsure about current events.

True, he did help his brother pressure Wes into stepping in to rescue the girl, but he hadn't expected her to stay. The longer she stayed with them, the greater worse the anxiety was that he could sense from his trainer seemed to get. And Novo disliked anyone who set his trainer on edge.

Which was basically everyone that wasn't him and Neo, but that was beside the point.

Oh, so Novo basically reciprocates Wes’ “if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself” outlook he has towards his cats, huh? Or at least I’m getting that vibe from this.

Though there are some phrasing tweaks that I’d suggest for this paragraph here.

This girl. She was naive. And boisterous. And loud. Her laugh grated on Novo's ears, and he thought her voice was loud enough to draw attention from two streets over. Hadn't the plan been to blend in and go as unnoticed as possible? In fact, wasn't the plan to be well on their way to Gateon by now?

I take it that Novo’s the closer of Wes’ cats to him, since Novo’s overall outlook feels an awful lot like Wes’ own.

Novo sensed from Wes' quiet tension and frustration that he was having the same thoughts as the Umbreon. The mounting anxiety to be on the road almost made him regret begging his trainer to save the girl. Almost. Much as he disliked her, he was sure that sack had not been a comfortable place to be, and kicking those men and their Whismur to the curb had been fun. Still, her bubbly demeanor rubbed his fur the wrong way.

Can’t tell if that’s a sign that Novo also has empathic abilities or if this is just samemind with Wes right now.

His opinion of the girl lessened even further when, at the restaurant, she'd tried to pet him. She'd stretched out a cautious hand, as if to touch his head, and he snarled at her. Sure, she didn't seem like a threat—far from it—but if Wes didn't want her to get close, then Novo wouldn't let her get close to himself, either. It was that simple.

Novo:

Nonetheless, he suffered through their annoyingly long stay at Phenac City. Once the girl was set, she would be on her way, and they would be on theirs. No more invasive questions or weirdly bright smiles.

Neo: “*Again:

*”

But for some reason, she followed them as they finally made their way back to the motorbike. Wes had picked up the pace considerably, and Novo felt joyous at the prospect of moving ahead as planned. Yet...the girl was still here. Did she not understand? Was she that naive? Surely—surely—Wes wasn't planning on bringing her along?

No, but it’s not as if that’s ever stopped a story protagonist from getting drug along into things that they didn’t want to do.

Novo's shock was immeasurable when Wes crouched down to level with him and told him he would have to go in his Pokéball.

What?

His trainer seemed displeased at the idea, too, as he mumbled an apology to him, but Novo's shock only deepened further when he saw the redhead make for the sidecar.

Wes: “I mean, we already went through this yesterday and there’s kinda not any room left for you and Neo when Rui’s sitting in the sidecar, so…” ^^;

What?

Not only was he being forced back into his Pokeball for the second time today, he was being booted out of the sidecar? His spot? The spot where he loved to watch the scenery fly by and feel the wind in his fur? All for this—this girl? This girl, of all people?

Wes:

“Come on, Novo. It’s just until we get to Gateon and blow this sand pit.”

The feeling of betrayal was palpable. He made certain Wes knew this by cramming every fiber of his wounded pride into a piercing glare before he was sucked into his Pokéball.

This girl.

Novo did not like this girl.

Novo: “*Neo, are you sure there’s no way we can get Rui out of the plot faster-?*” >_>;
Neo: “*No, Novo. This is a Colosseum novelization, so she’s going to be around the entire time. Seriously, lighten up and butter her up a bit. It’s an easy way to get free bacon!*” ^^

Alright, took me a bit longer than normal, but I think that I’m ready to give that summary. This seemed to be a bit of a transitional chapter, but even so I thought that it was fun to read. The little hints of the bigger parts of the characters’ and the region’s backstory were neat to see and it makes me wonder how soon we’ll get to see those come out on screen since… yeah, thar be some potential fireworks down the pipe. The characterization was also a lot of fun, especially getting to see the rest of the core cast’s outlooks and their personalities reflect through the narration. I wasn’t expecting to see scenes from Neo and Novo’s perspectives, but they were fun additions, and they seem like entertaining foils to each other.

As for criticisms, I don’t have too much to levy at this chapter. There’s some little quibbles that I had about phrasing or formatting of different paragraphs here and there. Beyond that, the only real bone that I had to pick was a couple of parts where I thought it’d have been nice to see characters’ reactions or thought processes in more detail, along with a couple parts where details from past chapters might have been worth bringing up again (e.x. Wes’ motivation for going back to Phenac in spite of his scare in the last chapter).

But altogether, I’m having a lot of fun with these chapters of OSAS @HelloYellow17 , and while it’s obviously a departure from the canonical story in the games, all of the additions and differences still feel like believable outgrowths from that base story while being different enough to feel distinct from a game playthrough. Hope the feedback was fun and helpful to read through, and I’ll be looking forward to seeing where things go in the last of my prize reviews in about a week.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, sorry to keep you waiting, but I’m back for that last of three prize reviews that you won from me from the last Review Blitz. So I suppose that that’s as good a sign as any to get back into things with Wes, Rui, and the cats:

Chapter 5

Spoiler

Oh huh, so you do chapter art from time to time in this story. Duly noted then, even if Neo and Novo don’t exactly look like they’re terribly happy this go-around. Wonder what their deal this chapter will be.

Wes couldn’t help but grumble a little once Phenac City came into view.

Yesterday he had hoped to never have to lay eyes on this city again, and yet here he was, shielding his eyes from its brightness even with his shaded goggles on.

Wes: “I was supposed to be in Gateon by now…” >.<
Novo: “*I mean, nobody forced you to drive back to the Outskirt Stand, so…*”

He parked in his usual place outside the city wall, released Neo and Novo immediately, and stalked back through the city entrance with Rui close behind. He’d alerted the two Eons to keep close and stay watchful, just in case.

He didn’t think Wakin’s impatience would have kept him in the city for very long, but he couldn’t afford to be careless. Especially not since he still had the Snag Machine...he spared a glance at the metal sleeve.

I wasn’t really feeling the semicolon structure there so I recommended a tweak to split things up a bit. Though I like how Wes is worrying about standing out when he’s literally strutting around with a one-of-a-kind piece of technology right now. >:V

“Wes! Rui!”

Someone was shouting their names. Wes cursed quietly under his breath; having someone shouting his name in a busy city was not an idea he was fond of. He looked for the source, but Rui spotted them first - Dash and Marla, running towards them from across the street.

“Oh my goodness!” Marla panted once they’d reached them. She was looking at Rui with dismay. “You...I can’t believe you’re still here! You should have left by now, dear!”

Waaaaaait, who are these two again? Were these the two randos who ran into Wes and Rui after Rui got sprung out of her sack? If so, it might make sense to add a reminder of that in passing since it’s been a few chapters since that moment.

“W-well, we technically did leave, but-” Rui began.

“That’s not important now!” said Dash. He looked panicked. “Rui, those men that took you - they’re back! They’re here, and they were headed to the Mayor’s house!”

Ah yes, that’s something that’s going to read really, really differently towards the end of this story.

Rui’s face drained of color. “Are...are you sure it was them?”

Dash nodded solemnly. “I’m sure. Positive. It was definitely them.” He looked between her and Wes with worry.

“I-I’m really worried for the Mayor! You told him about them yesterday, right? What if they found out and...and...” he trailed off and gave Wes a pleading look.

I like how this bit from Dash reads completely different depending on how aware the reader is about certain late-game developments in Colosseum’s plot. Kudos on pulling off the narrative equivalent of a repeat watch bonus.

Wes: “Aaaaand this is going to wind up being our problem, isn’t it?”

Wes was rubbing his temples in frustration. Another distraction. Another. Damned. Thing. He sighed yet again. Rather than fight it this time, he figured if they could power through the issue quickly, then he could still be heading to Gateon by the end of the day.

Yeah, I figured that’d be Wes’ reaction here. :P

He raised his head and fixed Dash and Marla with narrowed eyes. “All right, here’s the deal. We’ll go check on the Mayor and make sure everything is fine. Maybe we can even report that you two saw those men back in the city. And then we’ll get going, because we really need to be on our way.”

Narrator:

He could have sworn Marla had watery eyes as she thanked them. “Such incredible young people you are!” she sniffed. She and Dash said they would continue to look for the suspects before they parted ways.

Wes: “Wait, why am I even agreeing to this instead of going straight to my bike right now?”

Rui: “Oh come on, Wes. The Mayor’s house is right here, and it sounds like he could really be in trouble!” O_O;

“Do-do you think the Mayor’s okay?” Rui’s face was taut with worry as they made for his home. “What if they did find out and they’re here to do something to him?”

“He’ll be fine,” said Wes shortly. “First of all, those two thugs had less than one brain cell to share between them, and second of all, we’re talking about the Mayor. He’ll have security with him. Remember that doorman?”

I’ll take “Words that will age like milk” for $500. If not for the reason that Rui’s worried about.

“Yeah...yeah, you’re right,” Rui said. She relaxed a little. “He should be fine - but I am glad you offered to check on him. I’ll be glad to know for sure.” She smiled at him. “You’re a really good person, Wes.”

Wes: “(Great, now I feel awkward and anxious that she’s going to find out about my old day job again.)” >_>;

No, I’m not, Wes thought with annoyance. He felt ready to sock the next person who needed a favor in the jaw. He wanted to get. Out. Of. Here.

Man, can I call ‘em or what? o<o

[ ] They made it to the Mayor’s house in good time, largely due to Wes walking so fast and Rui almost needing to jog to keep up. The massive estate looked very much unchanged from the day before. Wes snorted and shook his head. Such a waste of time.

I feel as if you’re missing some transition between here and the last line since it feels like we have a very abrupt cut-ahead between Wes and Rui speaking and them suddenly being at the mayor’s house.

Still, they marched up the steps. Rui bounded forward to knock on the door with her usual enthusiasm -

And the door creaked open.

She let out a gasp, and even Wes felt an unpleasant sinking feeling in his stomach. Certainly there was an explanation. The doorman had just forgotten to shut the door tight and lock it...right?

Wes + Rui:

Rui hesitated, then pushed her way inside.

“What - Rui!”

But the girl had already stepped through the doorway. Wes could see that the lights were out inside, and he uttered a few more curses under his breath. Did this girl have a death wish?

No, she’s just very, very situationally unaware given that she managed to get herself kidnapped in Pyrite within like a day of leaving Agate Village.

He hastily followed her inside with Neo and Novo at his heels. She had only ventured in a few steps and was now looking about the room. Wes grabbed her by the arm with a growl.

“Are you stupid?” He hissed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Wes: “Better question, were you even thinking when you set foot through the door there?” >.<

Rui turned to look at him with horror in her eyes. “Wes...” she whispered. He could feel her trembling in his grip.

Wes then noticed their surroundings, and he immediately understood her fear.

The office was unrecognizable from the day before. Not only were the lights out, but the room was destroyed; papers were scattered all over the floor, the fireplace was shattered, furniture was upended everywhere. Wes noticed the tea set that had been used to serve them yesterday was smashed into pieces on the floor.

Wes + Rui:

Wes: “Dammit, I knew I should’ve just gotten on my bike and kept driving to Gateon.”

“Rui,” he said slowly, “we need to get out of here. Now.”

He was just about to drag her back outside when the door at the other end of the room burst open.

Wes + Rui:

At first, he wasn’t sure what he was looking at. For half a crazed second, as he saw a massive ball of red and white, he thought he might be looking at a bizarre Pokemon. And then he realized it wasn’t what he was looking at, but whom.

The man that stood before them was tall, lanky, and dressed in some kind of ridiculous bright yellow track suit. His face was covered with gaudy shades, and he was adorned with flashy jewelry. But most noticeable of all was his hair; a massive afro that, for all intents and purposes, looked as though it defied the laws of physics just by how big it was. But the absurdity didn’t stop there - the hair was dyed two colors and split evenly down the middle, one side white, the other a fiery red.

Ah yes, hello, Miror B. Time to cue the theme music:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAHHFc-gIeI

Wes briefly wondered if this wasn’t just a hallucination. What did he have for breakfast, again...?

Bacon prepared in a sketchy diner? ^^;

Afro Hair was apparently talking to someone else as he entered. His high, nasally voice carried a lilting accent that was almost as obnoxious as the fluff on his head.

“Now, now, darling, ain’t no need to get your hair worked up in a frizz. Why, that lil’ gal can’t have gone far, can - oh!” He squawked in surprise upon noticing Wes and Rui in the room. “Boys, I think we have company!”

Yup, that definitely sounds on-brand for Miror B. there.

Two more men stepped into the room from behind him, and Rui gasped in terror. She grabbed Wes by the arm and stood close to him. “Those - they - they’re-”

“I know,” Wes replied. He looked Folly and Trudly up and down with disgust. So these men had the nerve to come back to this place?

Oh huh, that’s a bit different from how things went down in the actual game, since at first I was asking “wait, was this really how this moment went?”. I see the “slight divergences from canon” are back in this story, not that I’m complaining about it since it does a good job at keeping readers familiar with Colosseum’s plot on their toes.

Neo and Novo stepped forward and faced the three men with bristling fur and low growls.

“Gah!” Trudly barked in alarm and pointed an accusing finger at Wes. “That’s - that’s him, boss! He’s the one who ran us out of town yesterday! An’ that’s the girl, there!”

The “boss” placed a hand on his hip and cocked his head to the side as he surveyed the newcomers. He scoffed and turned his head back to Trudly. “Are you boys tellin’ me you lost to this lil’ scrap?”

Wes: “Lil’ scrap?! You’re one to talk as the walking fashion disaster here!”

Trudly shuffled awkwardly. “Uh, Folly battled him, sir,” he said quickly.

“What’re you throwin’ me under the bus for?” Folly snapped. “You’da lost, too!”

Though gotta love early game mook competence. Even if I see that those other two Cipher goons aren’t here at the moment.

Wes had started to inch toward the door, pulling Rui along with him. If they could just make a break for it while they were arguing amongst themselves -

The strange man’s gaze suddenly snapped back to Wes in his escape attempt. “Oh, I don’t think so, sonny boy!” he sneered. “Trudly, care to prove to me you’re not a pathetic lil’ sap like our dear Folly over here?”

Folly made a noise of indignation, looking highly affronted.

“Sure thing, Boss!” Trudly barked. He whipped two Pokeballs from his belt and hurled them onto the floor.

Wes: “Yeah, this won’t take long. I can already tell.”

Two beams of light faded to reveal a Duskull and a Spinarak. Wes almost shook his head at the pitiful Pokemon. Did these thugs really think they stood a chance against Neo and Novo?

I mean, at least they’re both super effective against at least one of the cats? Even if there’s almost nothing else going for those two right now. ^^;

But still, getting into another messy situation was not on today’s agenda. He took another step closer to the door -

A web shot from the Spinarak’s mouth and stuck to the door over Wes’ shoulder. With a fierce tug, it was slammed shut.

Wes: “Oh for crying out loud…” >.<

“Oh-ho!” the odd man cackled. “Tryin’ to run away, now? And here I thought you was some gentleman lookin’ out for this girl!” His eyes rested on the redhead as he mentioned her. Rui shivered and took another step closer to Wes.

“Here’s the deal, sonny! You hand that girl back over to us, nice an’ easy, and we let you go free! How do that sound?”

Wes: “And you expect this to end any differently than last time why?”

Trudly: “Because this time, you’re fighting me and not Folly.”

Folly:

“What do you want with me?” Rui snapped. She was quivering, but her eyes were fierce.

“Well, lil’ gal, we was hopin’ you could tell us.” A sneer slid its way across the man’s face. “What are you doin, goin’ around and seein’ things you’re not supposed to see?”

Oh huh, so you gave Miror B’s line from the analogous moment in the games to Trudly in this story. Though I suppose it has a certain logic to it since it always did feel a bit weird for Miror B to spell out why Rui was important and then not get his hands dirty trying to keep her from getting away on his own.

Rui’s eyes widened in horror. “You did do something to that Makuhita!”

A sudden ringing interrupted the exchange. The man gave a start and giggled. “Whoops-a-daisy! Pardon me, boys and girls!” He pulled his P*DA out of his pocket and answered. “Hellooooo?”

Wait, which man is this? Trudly? Folly? Or…? It might make sense to either add a descriptor or else a straight-up namedrop to make things unambiguous.

There was an incredibly awkward silence as he listened to the other side of the phone call. Nobody else in the room dared to speak. Folly was seething with anger near the opposite doorway, and Trudly was growling at Wes, clearly itching for a battle. Neo and Novo stood planted firm, growling at the men and now Trudly’s Pokémon. The Spinarak and Duskull were shifting in front of them, eyeing their opponents warily.

Oh, I guess the man was supposed to be Miror B. I didn’t realize that he was still here in the room. ^^;

“W-Wes...” Rui’s frightened whisper reached his ears. “I’m so sorry - we shouldn’t have come here - I shouldn’t have barged in-”

“You think?” he growled at her. Rui ducked her head. Wes could still feel her trembling. Despite his annoyance, he felt a small tug of sympathy for her.

Oh, so this is why you have that art of Neo and Novo having angryfaces, huh? Or at least I’m pretty sure we’re going to see them sporting them in like 5 seconds.

“I won’t turn you over, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he mumbled back to her. Rui kept her gaze on the floor, but she tightened her grip and nodded.

“You...think we can get out of here?” she whispered.

Wes snorted. “Please. Neo and Novo will take care of this.”

Huh. I’m surprised that Wes didn’t go for his Skarmory knife feather at all, though I suppose it’d make sense to go for Pokémon first and then any personal weapons since that’s probably the default threat matrix for hostile encounters in general in this setting.

But even if we escape, what happens to the Mayor? he wondered. There was no indication of where the Mayor might be. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t actually home and they hadn’t come for him after all, but something else...?

It was a small thing to hope for, but he did anyway.

Yeah, this definitely reads differently if you’re aware of some of the later parts of Colosseum’s canonical plot.

“Ah, just lovely! Goodbye, darling!” The man with the afro ended his phone call with a flourish of his hand before returning the P*DA to his pocket. He turned to the grunts behind him. “Well, boys, I’m off to Pyrite now! Ta-ta!”

Wes: “Wait, why have you just been standing here all this time? I thought that you already walked out the door!” >_>;

“Wh-what?” Trudly spluttered. “You’re just gonna leave us to deal with this alone?”

“Yes indeed, darling,” his boss drawled with a wink. “I have frightfully important business to attend to, so I’ll be on my way. But I do trust you’ll have the girl with you the next time we meet.” His last sentence, though still drawled in his light, lilting voice, suddenly contained a cold and dangerous edge to it.

Trudly paled in fear and nodded. “I-I‘ll do it, boss!” he stammered.

And thus why these two promptly yeet themselves in jail after losing instead of risking facing the wrath of their boss in the games. It feels like a pretty believable take on it, even if it definitely gives Miror B. more of a sinister undertone than one might reflexively expect from his outwardly goofy demeanor.

“See that you do.” The man glanced back over his shoulder at Wes and Rui and winked. “Was lovely meeting you, darlings!” He sauntered off through the back door and was gone.

“Was he for real?” Wes mumbled dazedly. Rui gave a nervous laugh.

Wes: “... Please tell me that we’re never going to see him again.” -_-;
Narrator: “He will absolutely see him again.”
Wes: “... Fantastic.”

“All right, boy,” Trudly snarled. His face was twisted with fierce hostility, but there was something akin to desperation in his eyes. “You heard the boss! He needs the girl back. Pronto. Hand her over and nobody gets hurt.”

Wes:

“No, thanks,” Wes said cooly.

I mean, yeah. :V

Folly glanced between the two of them nervously. He sidled towards the door.

“You wanna do this the hard way, then?” Trudly roared. “FINE! Hard way it is!” He addressed his Pokemon. “String Shot and Shadow Ball!”

Ah yes, only the finest teamwork™ between these two. I like how Folly isn’t even waiting for Trudly to lose and he’s already eyeing the door to bolt.

“Neo, Confusion on that Spinarak!” Wes barked. “Novo, keep that Duskull away from him and Bite whenever possible!”

The Eeveelutions acknowledged their orders with a bark. Novo was immediately tied up in a String Shot, but he gnawed his way through the sticky webs with Bite; Neo dodged the Shadow Ball and plowed into the Spinarak with Confusion. The spider screeched as it was thrown into the opposite wall and fell motionless to the floor in one hit.

The Duskull fired another Shadow Ball, and this time it struck Neo’s shoulder with enough force to send him tumbling. The Espeon yowled in pain, but before the Duskull could launch another attack, he was yanked out of the air by Novo’s jaws. The Umbreon had leaped onto the desk to reach his foe, and now hurled him down to the ground with a fierce tug. The Duskull wailed and shot another Shadow Ball at the Pokemon; the attack rolled off Novo’s shoulders with almost no effect whatsoever. He lunged and ended the scuffle with a swift Bite.

Okay, so admittedly A: I have a tendency to be a bit wordy and overdescriptive, B: the in-game equivalent of this is a pretty forgettable early battle, but I do wonder if there’s a lot going on in just these two paragraphs that would work better with more paragraphs that were more described. Since the first paragraph in particular reads almost like an action log and it’s a bit hard to visualize the attacks and how they’re sailing around.

Trudly roared and raged. “You - you PATHETIC LITTLE-” he swore vehemently and returned his fallen Pokemon to their balls before turning on Wes. “I’M NOT FINISHED YET!”

Wes: “Yeah, no. You seem pretty done right now, buddy.”

Rui’s eyes widened. “Wes-”

“Not now, Rui.” Wes focused intently on his opponent.

“But - Wes -”

Wes: “Ugh, what-?”

She didn’t get to finish her thought. Another beam of light filled the room as Trudly unleashed his third and final Pokemon.

A Makuhita.

Wes: “... Seriously? This is what you’ve been losing your mind over?”
Rui: “Wes, that isn’t a normal Makuhita, okay?!” O.O

Rui choked a cry from behind Wes. “That’s the one, Wes!” she cried. “There’s something wrong with that Pokémon!”

Wes looked the Makuhita up and down; it didn’t seem like there was anything wrong with it. Sure, its tense posture and fierce growls were aggressive, but he didn’t see how -

Without a command, the Makuhita hurled itself at Novo with terrifying speed. Novo scrambled to get out of the way, but he’d been caught off guard. The Makuhita slammed a fist into the Umbreon’s side and sent him flying into the lounge area, crashing into a knocked over couch.

Novo: “*... Ow.*”

Wes: “Oh, that tears it! Neo! Light that punching bag up!”

Wes hissed through clenched teeth. This Makuhita was fast. No matter; it was still outnumbered, with a type disadvantage to boot. “Neo! Confusion!”

The Espeon was back on his feet and ready to rumble. He blasted a wave of Psychic energy at the Makuhita. Wes could hear Rui shouting in alarm, but he didn’t listen. What was she so worried about? This battle would end quickly soon enough, they were fine -

10 words thought seconds from disaster.

The Makuhita barreled straight through Neo’s Confusion. Wes blinked. That was new.

Neo let out another howl as his foe tossed him effortlessly to the side and kept gunning forward - straight at Wes.

Oh.

Wes: “Oh. Oh fu-”

He barely had time to react. He ducked and dove to the side, but he wasn’t quite fast enough to dodge the entire blow. The Makuhita’s fist glanced off his right shoulder, and Wes felt something pop, followed by a thrill of pain shooting down his arm as he crashed to the floor.

Wes: “Yeah, that arm’s totally dislocated right now, isn’t it?”

Rui’s screams filled his ears. The Makuhita lunged for her next, but Novo rammed it out of the way with a Return. The Pokémon tumbled across the floor, then scrabbled to its feet with another snarl, and Wes got a good look at its eyes.

He felt a shiver go down his spine; he’d never seen such empty, such soulless eyes in a Pokemon before. He’d seen more than his fair share of abused and neglected Pokémon during his time in Snagem, but none of them had been quite like this. This Makuhita was filled with nothing, nothing at all, except pure, unfiltered hatred.

Makuhita:

Team Wes:

Trudly: “Hah! See, Folly! That’s how you put ‘em on the ropes!”
Folly: “Yeah, I’m just gonna leave before that… thing turns and mauls me.” o_o;

“Rui - Rui!” Wes shouted, sitting up and trying to put some distance between him and the Makuhita. “The bag! Give me the bag!”

“Wh-what?”

“Just give it to me!”

Rui: “But what on earth is in that bag that would-?” O_O;
Wes: “Rui, we are going to die if I don’t do something! I need that bag for that ‘something’ there!”

She did as told, and the canvas bag was tossed into his lap.

The crazed Pokemon lunged at Wes again; Neo blocked it this time with a Protect, then another Confusion. Though the Espeon’s Psychic-type attacks should have greatly weakened the Fighting-type, it seemed hardly fazed at all. If anything, it was even angrier than before. Both Neo and Novo lunged at their foe, only to be thrown aside yet again.

Neo: “*Wes?! A little help here would be nice!*” O.O
Wes: “Look, I’m working on it, alright!” >.<

The Makuhita locked eyes with Wes, and launched at him a third time.

Wes’ instincts kicked into overdrive.

He was hardly aware that he had dug into the bag and was now holding a Pokeball in his hand. The machine on his arm came to life, soft orange lines glowing as they ran all the way down to his fingertips. The Pokeball in his hand glowed and hummed as the machine did its work.

Rui: “Wes, what on earth is tha-?” O_O;

The Makuhita bore down on him, and Wes threw the ball.

The Pokemon vanished in a beam of light. The ball fell to the floor with a light thunk, then shook once...twice...three times.

And then clicked.

And then Rui puts two and two together and had a fit about Wes stealing Pokémon in 3… 2…

All:

Wes: “Oh thank goodness, that was way too close for comfort.”

A stunned silence filled the room, only to be broken by Trudly’s scream.

“WHAT?!”

The ball flew from its place on the floor to Wes’ open hand - the one with the machine. He stared at it numbly, unsure of what to think or feel.

“WHAT DID - HOW DID YOU - THAT’S MY POKEMON!”

Wes: “Technically, it was your Pokémon. Now it’s mine.”

Rui: “... Wes, just what are you saying right now?”

Wes: “I… uh… will explain when there’s not two thugs trying to do bodily harm to us?”

Trudly was practically foaming at the mouth. Wes looked up into the man’s eyes.

“Not anymore,” he said bluntly.

Rui: “So, you… stole that Makuhita from him.”

Wes: “I prefer to think of it as I ‘liberated’ that Makuhita from his possession, since… uh… there was really obviously something wrong with it.” ^^;

Trudly took a step forward, looking about ready for murder, when Neo and Novo limped out from under the wreckage of the battle. Neo’s forehead jewel gleamed menacingly, and Novo’s rings pulsed with anger.

“Doesn’t look like your friend is here to back you up, either,” Wes added.

Oh, so Folly really did not bother to wait for Trudly to lose and bolted, huh?

Folly was indeed nowhere to be seen. Trudly balked, glancing at the advancing Pokemon and where his friend should have been. He snarled a volley of insults at Wes before retreating hastily through the door.

Wes:

Rui: “Ahem.” >:(
Wes: “... Right, the part where I explained what my old day job was. That’s going to be fun to deal with.” >_>;

Wes’ shoulders slumped in relief, and he stared at the Pokeball in his hand. Never, not once, had he seen a Pokemon behave in such a way before…

Huh. So Wes wasn’t privy at all to the downstream fates of the Pokémon he helped snatch. Though I suppose that that makes sense given that Shadow Pokémon early in Colosseum were treated as an emergent trend.

A shuffle from near the door caught his attention. He turned his head to see Rui backing away from him, her face white with shock. “You...how...how did-”

Wes staggered to his feet and sucked in a sharp breath at the pain that laced through his shoulder. Something was definitely wrong with it. He grimaced at Rui. “I’ll explain later, okay?”

Rui: “No, Wes. You’re going to explain right now-”
Wes: “Rui, look, I have people who are out to get me and we just caused a massive disturbance. This can at least wait until we’re out of Phenac, okay?” >_>;

Rui continued to stare at him. “You...you just...you just stole-”

Wes: “Correction, ‘liberated’-” ^^;
Rui: “Wes, I know what I just saw, okay?!”

Wes didn’t have time for this. He grabbed Rui by the arm and made for the door. “I’ll explain later. But for now we need to get out of-”

“I’m not going ANYWHERE with you!” Rui’s voice was shrill as she wrenched her arm away from him. “Not until you explain to me what just happened! Right now!”

Wes: “Oh for crying out loud…” >.<

Wes clenched his jaw and took a long look at the girl. If he told her the truth, would she understand? Would she allow him to continue on his way without turning him in? Or would she give him away to the authorities in a fit of rage?

Neo: “*I mean, this would be a really short Colosseum novelization if she just went and turned us in to the police, but… yeah, I think the next couple of chapters are going to be kinda rocky with her.*” .-.
Novo: “*See, there was a reason why I didn’t like her being around, Wes!*” >_>;

He thought of her face in the Pokémon Center when she spoke of Team Snagem, and he knew the answer.

He heaved a long, weary sigh. “Okay. Okay. I’ll explain. But can we please go somewhere else? I don’t want to be here when authorities get here. It won’t look good for either of us.”

Wes: “And yes, I do mean ‘us’. Especially if there’s a surveillance camera somewhere in this room.” -_-;
Rui: “... What on earth did you get me into?” >.<

Rui seemed to accept this answer, as she tersely nodded her head after a moment’s pause. “Fine.”

They took the back exit to avoid being seen, and Neo and Novo were returned to their Pokeballs until they could be taken to the Center for their injuries. Wes made an effort not to let his own injury show, partly out of attempts to avoid suspicion from curious onlookers, but mostly out of habit. He led Rui to a bench that was tucked away next to a few artificial waterfalls; their conversation would be safe here, with the rushing water to discourage potential eavesdroppers.

Wait, what is Wes’ present injury anyways? Since I don’t think that that was ever clearly stated at any point.

Rui sat far away from him, on the opposite side of the bench. Though she’d been clinging to his arm just moments earlier, now she wanted nothing to do with him, and was putting as much space between them as possible. She fixed him with a burning glare.

“Well?”

Rui or one of her grandparents in this story got a Pokémon stolen from them, didn’t they? Since boy does she have a strong antipathy towards Pokémon thieves here.

Wes: “I thought that we were waiting until we left Phenac-” >_>;
Rui: “Wes, I’m not waiting that long. Now out with it.” >:(

Wes took a deep breath. He would have to be careful, very careful, on how he approached this. The low voice spoke in his mind once again, repeating words from yesterday: The best lies are half-truths, boy.

And as much as Wes hated that voice, he listened to it.

“I...I told you I grew up on the streets, right?” He started slowly. Rui narrowed her eyes at him and nodded. “Well...I associated with all kinds of people. Living that life, you have to make connections to survive. I had...had some close friends who got caught up with Team Snagem.”

Wes: “Er… at least she’s taking this well at the moment, right?” ^^;
Rui:

Wes: “... Yeah, I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.” ._.

Rui’s hands curled into fists as they rested atop her knees. She said nothing, so Wes continued.

“I didn’t like what Team Snagem did. I never liked it. But these friends of mine...they did what they thought they had to do to survive. So they stayed with Snagem for a long time, until something happened.” He paused and stared hard at the ground. “They...killed one of my good friends and his team.”

Aha, so that’s Wes’ motivation for bailing on them at the very beginning of OSAS, huh? Or are we still in “half-truth” mode here?

Rui’s expression remained unchanged, but she pursed her lips at this revelation. “Why?” she asked.

“Because he broke one of their rules...I don’t know all the details.” Wes ran a hand through his hair. “I just know that they killed his team and made him watch before they killed him.”

Anger started to rise in his chest. Horrifying images, ones that plagued his nightmares, began to flicker across his mind. He shook his head and pushed them back as he took another deep breath.

Not now. Keep it together.

Yeeeeeah, I knew that OSAS!Wes had a bit of a reputation for being a whump magnet, but damn, son.

“So,” he pressed on, “I got together with a couple of friends and we decided to do something about it. We rigged up some explosives and infiltrated the base. That explosion that happened a few days ago? That was me.”

Oh, so this was a recent thing… maybe. Since by Wes’ own internal admission, this entire story is a series of half-truths.

Rui’s reaction was clearer this time. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. “That...was you?”

“Yeah.” Wes gave her a bitter smile. “Best damn thing I ever did.”

Rui: “With an expression like that? Really?”

She stared at him in shock for a moment, then her eyes went to the machine still on Wes’ arm. “That doesn’t explain that, though.”

[ ]

“I stole it before I - we - blew up the base. Snagem had a whole bunch of machines made to convert Pokeballs for stealing, so we set the bombs off in all the rooms that held them. We destroyed them all...except this one.” He looked down at the metal contraption. Sunlight glinted off its many curved surfaces. “This was the only portable one they had. I stole it because...well, I’m actually not sure. Part of me wanted to use it against them, I guess. Somehow.”

IMO, it probably makes sense to add some sort of paragraph setting Wes’ mood a bit more before he begins to answer, especially if it’s not fully in sync with whatever he has to say back to Rui here.

Though wait, just how common are Snag Balls in Orre then if they had an entire room full of machines converting normal Pokéballs to become them? .-.

“Then how did you automatically know how to use it?” Rui’s voice hardened a little with suspicion.

“I had a general idea of how they worked from what my friends told me. Plus, it’s pretty straightforward. You just throw a Pokeball with that arm.” He raised head back up to meet Rui’s eyes. “That’s the story.”

Rui scanned his face as if looking for any traces of falsehood. “So...you were never part of Team Snagem yourself?”

“No,” Wes said firmly. “Never.”

Yeeeeeeah, that one’s not going end well at all for Wes later on, I can already tell.

“You’ve never stolen a Pokemon?”

“Today was the first.”

Neo + Novo:

Wes: “(Come on, you two, not right now!)” >_>;
Novo: “*(Wes, why on earth do you even care about if she hates you or not? I thought your plan was to blow her off and go to Gateon anyways.)*”

She sat still for a long time, staring hard at him, fists still clenched. Wes tried to calm the pounding in his chest as he met her gaze evenly. Please let her believe me. Please.

“Okay.” Her voice was quiet. “I believe you.”

Wes:

Rui: “Wes, why are you sweating like that?”

Wes: “We’re in a desert and the sun’s harsh?”
Rui: “I mean, yes, but I could’ve sworn you weren’t sweating like this earlier…”

Wes allowed himself to breathe a tiny sigh of relief. Thank. Arceus.

“But...what does this all mean?” Rui leaned back with a sigh. “That Makuhita...I don’t know what they did to it, but it’s badly scarred, and dangerous. You saw for yourself.”

Wes nodded.

Wes: “Uh-huh, and where are you going with thi-?”
- Beat moment -
Wes: “Okay, no. Rui, we’re not keeping that thing. It literally tried to kill us not even five minutes ago!” >.<
Neo: “*Wes, this is a Colosseum novelization, just saying. How else did you think you were going to get Pokémon aside from me and Novo?*”

“And I’m apparently the only person who can see them...that I know of, at least.” She tipped her head back to look at the sky. “I’ve never met anyone else who can see aura...but then I just happened to meet you, and you just happen to have a machine that lets you steal Pokemon...” she trailed off and gave him a pointed look.

That actually makes me wonder if Riley from this world’s Sinnoh would similarly be able to perceive Shadow auras or not. Or Riolu/Lucario in general for that matter.

Wes stared blankly at her. “What are you getting at?”

“Well, isn’t it all so...convenient?” Rui sat up on the bench, angling to face him. “It’s all so circumstantial. Doesn’t it seem like we were meant to meet and maybe...I dunno, join forces?”

Wes: “... No, I’m pretty sure that you’re heavily overthinking this and it’s all just dumb luck.” -_-;
Neo: “*Wes, just saying, it’d probably be better for you to not fight the plot this hard…*”

“Join forces for what?”

“To save those Pokemon!” Rui waved a hand exasperatedly, as though she couldn’t believe Wes wasn’t getting it. “Whoever those people in the Mayor’s house were, they’re part of something. A gang, maybe, or an organization.”

[ ]

“And I know there are more corrupted Pokemon out there from what I overheard while I was in that sack. Whatever they’re doing to those Pokemon, it’s wrong, and it’s horrible, and - “ she broke off, her voice quivering with emotion. “I want to save them, Wes,” she finished. Her eyes were pleading as she looked at him.

Wes:

Also, Rui’s line IMO is long enough that it should be broken up into two parts and have something in between the two to show off her mood or Wes’ reaction a bit more.

Wes sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course. Of course this girl, with no knowledge of how the world worked, would want to go charging in to challenge some underground crime ring without evidence, on the off chance they might save some random Pokemon she didn’t even know. Really, why did he expect anything different?

Welcome to being a hero, Wes. You’ll get used to it eventually. :V

His arm twinged painfully, and he held back a wince.

Wes: “Right, that’s still dislocated right now. Or at least I hope that’s just a dislocation.” ._.;

“Look.” He raised his head again. “That’s a nice idea and all, but you have no actual evidence. You don’t have any leads. And you’re not even slightly qualified to lead any sort of investigation. It’s best to tell authorities everything you know, and let them take it from there.”

Yeeeeah, I can already tell that Wes’ opinions of the local police are going to fall through the floor when he meets Officer Johnson for the first time.

“But what can they do?” Rui huffed. “They haven’t accomplished anything in years when it comes to Orre’s crime rings! I mean, you did more to expose Snagem than they have ever done, and you’re just one person!”

I mean, if you’ve seen Orre’s police in action, you’d find that a lot less surprising.

Wes had to admit she had a point there. Orre’s pitiful excuse for a police force was precisely why crime was so high. Few criminals were successfully caught, and even fewer were ever punished.

Oh, so Wes has run into Officer Johnson before in the past. /s

He shook his head. “I’ve done my part, all right? I did what I could to destroy and expose Snagem, I hit them where it hurt the most, and now I’m a dead man walking if any of them catch me. I’m also pretty sure that blowing up buildings is still a crime, whether it belongs to a gang or not. So there’s that.”

[ ]

“I’m not in any position to...to play hero, or whatever. And I don’t think I want to. I just want to lay low and live the rest of my life in peace.”

Yeeeeeah, good luck with that one buddy, since I can already tell the plot’s not going to let you just get away with that that easily.

“That’s your answer?” Rui asked in disbelief. “You saw that Pokémon! You saw what those men did - and are doing! And you’re just going to ignore it?”

[ ]


“I never said I was going to ignore it, I’m just going to leave it to the police.”

Rui scoffed. “Which is basically the same thing.”

IMO, it might make sense to have Wes have some sort of internal reaction to Rui pressing him as to if he’s going to ignore the whole Shadow Pokémon business, especially if it’s meant to have any bearing on him coming around to being a hero at all.

“Well, we can't all be a hero, all right?” Wes snapped.

Another pang shuddered through his shoulder and down his arm, and he hissed in frustration. Why, why, why couldn’t he have just ignored his Pokemon yesterday and let someone else rescue this crazy redhead?

He rose to his feet. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to heal my Pokemon and get my shoulder looked at, and then I’m leaving this place. You should find yourself some transportation to Agate, and then I think it’s for the best if we never see each other again.”

This one paragraph IMO would work better as a few smaller ones, since there’s a lot going on in between the two parts of Wes’ dialogue there.

Rui had also risen to her feet and was frowning at him. For a moment Wes wondered if she’d even heard what he said. “You...hurt your shoulder?” She looked concerned.

“A crazy Pokemon tried to kill me, in case you didn’t notice.”

“I-I didn’t realize you were hit! I’m sorry-”

That actually makes me wonder if Wes’ arm should’ve come up a bit more in the narration that leans into his perspective, since you’d think that throbbing pain he’s got going on would be kinda lingering and present the entire time.

“Doesn’t matter.” Wes turned away on one heel. “I’m going now.” He marched off in the direction of the hospital.

“Wait!” Rui rushed up beside him. “At least let me go with you to the hospital!”

“What the hell for?” he spat. “I don’t need you. Go away.”

Yeah, bold statement there Wes. Especially when Rui’s literally the only reason why Shadow Pokémon are identifiable even in the canonical plot.

“No! You got into this mess because of me, and the least I can do is make sure you’re okay!”

“I’m fine, and I’d be even better if you’d leave me alone.”

Narrator: “He is absolutely not fine and he would not be better off being left alone.”

“At least let me go with you. Okay? Then I’ll leave and I’ll be out of your hair, I promise.”

Her face was so sincere as she looked at him. Wes found it so damned infuriating. How in Mew’s name could this girl possibly have the energy to care so much about absolutely everything? Didn’t she ever get tired? Like a normal person?

Rui: “Nope!” ^^
Wes: “Fantastic.” >.<

Wes grumbled in defeat. “Fine.” And with that, he made for the hospital with Rui in tow.

Which is probably for the best since… yeah, can Wes even properly steer his bike with one of his arms injured like that? ^^;

Alright, time for the customary recap: I thought that this was a pretty fun chapter. It feels like we’re still in that phase where things are still getting started in the plot, but we got to see Wes get dragged kicking and screaming a little further towards his inevitable heroics with Rui. It was also interesting to see the first cracks in how Rui would react to his true backstory, even if the way Wes smoothed things over is bound to inevitably cause problems down the road when the full truth comes out.

The highlight of this chapter was definitely the characterization, and not just Wes and Rui’s either. I’m particularly surprised at how much life you breathed into Trudly and Folly when they’re both the definition of background characters in the official game, and it makes me wonder if we’ll be seeing them a bit more often in OSAS. It was also neat to see Wes’ backstory explored a bit, even if there’s some question marks to it given that by his own admission, everything he told Rui was a half-truth. It’ll be interesting to see which parts were accurate and which ones weren’t, since even the version of events he passed along to Rui sounded rough. I also thought that the first appearance of Shadow Pokémon and snagging as a mechanic were fun to see, since boy did things get downright menacing when that Makuhita went out onto the field, and both mechanics feel like they’re dealt with in a pretty believable way as seen through Wes’ eyes.

I don’t have too much to complain about for this chapter. I noticed a few spots where I didn’t quite agree with some phrasing or paragraph formatting here or there. I also thought there were a couple parts that could’ve benefited from having more description provided, especially in cases where the speaker being referred to was ambiguous. I’m of two minds about the battle scene in this chapter. The portion of it after the Shadow Makuhita enters the fray is pretty solid, but the part beforehand felt really accelerated and stiff. Like I get that the Makuhita is the more important Pokémon meta-wise for the fight, but I do wonder if the opening with the Spinarak and Duskull would’ve been more interesting to read if fighting them had been more involved similar to how the process of fighting the Makuhita was.

And that’s a review @HelloYellow17 ! I don’t know when I’ll come back to this story since I’ve admittedly got a bit of a full plate with some other priorities right now, but I’ll be looking forward to catching up more with it at some point, since it’s still as charming and full of passion for Orre as when I first read it and a fun ride in its own right, and I definitely want to continue it at some point.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, it’s been a while, but I had a goal for this Review Blitz to give everyone who reviewed one of my stories since the beginning of 2024 at least one review in return for their generosity. It took me a while, but I figured that the review that you’d get the kick out of most would be one for the ballad of Wes and his cats, so let’s just hop right in where I left off last time:

Chapter 6

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

This is definitely not how I thought today would go.

Rui said these words to herself as she sat beside a grumbling Wes in the Phenac clinic. Their visit had taken roughly two hours from start to finish, much to the Trainer’s chagrin.

He was in quite a sour mood, although Rui couldn’t exactly blame him, given the day’s events. She glanced at the sling on his right arm; she couldn’t believe he’d had a dislocated shoulder ever since leaving the Mayor’s house. He’d hardly shown any pain at all, and even after the nurse set it back in place, he was prepared to leave and skip receiving pain medication altogether.

I take it that this isn’t Wes’ first rodeo getting a nontrivial injury and just having to deal with it for an extended period of time, huh?

Rui had, with some considerable effort, convinced him to stay for just a little longer. Good as he was at masking it, there was no way he wasn’t in pain. She shook her head to herself. What kind of person brushed off a dislocated shoulder like it was nothing?

An ex-Snagem who’s seen a lot of stuff in his life.

As a peace offering and in an effort to temper his mood, she’d taken his Pokemon to the Center, healed them, and brought them back while he waited. This seemed to ease his stress a little.

Rui looked around the room. She couldn’t help but notice there was a tense atmosphere in the clinic. Nurses and doctors were muttering to each other in worried, hushed tones, and clients were whispering to one another. News about the break in at the Mayor’s estate must have been reported and was spread around the city. Rui just hoped the Mayor would be found safe and sound...she sighed and slumped in her seat. She found herself wishing she could do more, so much more.

And she will! … Eventually. ^^;

At long last, the nurse emerged with the medication and they were able to get on their way. Rui bit her lip hesitantly as they walked out the door. She knew she’d told Wes that she would go her own way after this, but she couldn’t help but wonder if those men, Trudly and Folly, were still in the city. They were still after her, and the thought of being left alone was terrifying...but she couldn’t possibly ask more of him. He’d made it clear that he had his own plans, and he’d sacrificed so much for her already…

She’s totally going to wind up asking Wes if she can stay in another 5 minutes or so.

She blinked in the sunlight as they stepped outside. The hospital was near the upper elevations of the city, so they had a clear view over the sloping buildings and cascading waterfalls. The sun was getting low in the sky, tinging the light blue with gold and glowing off the city below. Rui basked in the breathtaking sight; bad memories of Phenac aside, it still managed to impress her.

Small typo there.

She shot Wes a sideways look. “I...guess this is it, huh?”

Even if you two don’t know it just yet.

“Yeah.” He wasn’t looking at her. Rui wondered if he was having the same thoughts as her about Trudly and Folly, but if he was, he said nothing. Instead, he sent Neo and Novo out of their Pokeballs. “All right, guys. Time to say goodbye.”

Novo cast her a sideways glance, chuffed, then turned his head away to look out over the city. Rui smiled wryly; she’d been expecting as much from him.

Neo’s eyes widened in dismay as he looked from his Trainer to Rui. “Esp? Spiiiii?”

Neo: “*Come on, Wes. The script clearly calls for you two to stick together for the rest of the story! Don’t drag things out!*” :/

“It’s time for us to go, bud, and she needs to get home. Say goodbye, okay?”

Neo’s ears drooped in disappointment. Rui crouched down, and he wandered over to place his head on her knee with a loud sigh.

Wes rolled his eyes. “Such a drama queen.”

Neo learned it from somewhere, didn’t he? :p

Rui giggled at the Espeon. “I’ll miss you too, Neo,” she said as she stroked his head. “It was fun to get to know each other, wasn’t it?”

Neo rubbed his chin against her knee. “Spi.”

I can hear the purring noises already.

She got back to her feet. “So, um...thanks.” She looked down at her feet and clasped her hands behind her back.

“...yeah.” Wes mumbled and shifted awkwardly. “Well, uh, see you, I guess-”

“Umbri!” A bark from Novo made them both jump. The Umbreon was on his feet, looking at something in the distance. He turned to his Trainer with an anxious growl. “Bri!”

Whelp, looks like that parting’s going to have to wait. So do we owe the """pleasure""" to Snagem right now, or…?

Wes raised a hand to his face and let out a growl. He looked as though he might throw something. “For Arceus’ sake,” he said weakly, “What now?”

As if in answer to his question, a loud, booming voice echoed through the streets, making them both jump. Rui glanced around for the source of the sound and found it was coming from speakers all throughout the city.

“This is a public announcement to all citizens of Phenac!” Rui perked up - that was the Mayor’s voice!

Oh, that one’s certainly different. Though I wonder if he somehow caught onto Wes and Rui and are going to subtly screw them over here.

“All citizens are to return to their homes immediately. All visitors are to take shelter in the Pokemon Center. We ask that every individual remain indoors until further notice. There will be no exiting or entering the city at this time. We thank you for your cooperation.”

Oh, so that’s why this chapter is called ‘lockdown’. If that posting date of yours is accurate, I wonder if you got the idea for this chapter from then-current events.

She heard Wes groan beside her. “Well. Fantastic. We chose a great day to come back here.” His voice was dripping with annoyance.

“What do you think is happening?” She turned to face him, fear creeping into her chest.

“Probably trying to chase down whoever broke into the Mayor’s house...which doesn’t put us in the best position,” Wes replied grimly.

That sounds like an incredibly petty reason to lock down an entire city, but I suppose that authority figures in Pokéworld have a track record of abusing their power in earlier gens.

“Why not?”

“Because we were there. If anybody saw us going in or out and reported it, we could be suspects.”

[ ]
“We can just tell them the truth, right? And I bet if we could find Dash or Marla, they would vouch for us!”

I kinda wonder if it’d have made some sense to show the gears turning in Rui’s head a bit more. Since from her perspective, Rui has nothing to fear if this sort of awkward questioning happens, so she’d likely be weirded out by Wes being so touchy about the idea.

“You’re forgetting that I stole a Pokémon while we were there. If that gets found out...”

“...oh. Right...” Rui bit her lip. “Then...what do we do?”

Wes didn’t answer immediately; he seemed to be wondering this himself. Then he turned and looked at her. “We’re getting out of here.”

Rui blinked. “‘We’?”

Rui: “Wait, but I thought that you wanted to part ways just now.” .-.
Wes: “I did, but you’d be treated as an accomplice to me, so we’re just stuck with each other for a bit longer.” >_>;

“You’re welcome to stay here for hours and possibly get arrested, but personally, I have other things I’d rather be doing.”

[ ]
“O-okay, but how are we getting out? The Mayor just said-”

“Forget what the Mayor said. We can at least check out the entrance and see if we can sneak out somehow. It’s not like they have a police force to guard the exits.”

Rui frowned at him. “All right...but if we can’t find a reasonable way to get out, I think we should go to the Center and wait things out.”

Wes scowled. He clearly didn’t like her counteroffer, but rather than argue, he simply sighed. “Fine. Deal.”

Not really feeling the long string of mostly unbroken dialogue here. It might make sense to drop some of Rui’s inner thought process in one or another part of this sequence here to spice things up a bit.

They headed towards the southern entrance. Rui had to admit that, her rising anxiety and pounding heart aside, she was grateful they hadn’t parted ways just yet. It was nice not to be alone, and, gruff though he was, she was starting to enjoy Wes’ company. She watched Neo and Novo weave around their Trainer as they walked, and she felt a little more at peace in their presence.

Neo: “*I like this girl.*”

Novo: “*Yeah, yeah, do it sometime when we’re not trying to get to cover, Neo.*” >_>;

They eventually rounded a corner and the south gate came into view. Four men stood in front of it, forming a human blockade of sorts. One man in a white and gold uniform stood in front of the other three and was repeating directions into a microphone.

“All citizens please return to your homes! There will be no leaving or entering this city until further notice! I repeat, all citizens return to your homes immediately...”

There weren’t many people in the small square, but those who remained were quickly hurrying about in varying directions to their homes. Rui caught a glimpse of a few faces as they bustled by; each one looked tense, worried, and fearful.

How often do these lockdowns even happen in Phenac anyways? Since from those reactions, this feels like it’s a semi-common occurrence?

And it’s probably not a good sign of what normally comes after these lockdowns given how on-edge everyone is at the moment.

She then got a closer look at the men standing in front of the entrance. They each wore distinctly colored uniforms and carried an air of authority in their posture.

“Are those...officers?” Rui asked uncertainly.

“The guy in front is some kind of Town Hall member,” Wes answered as he surveyed the scene, “but I don’t recognize the ones behind him...they can’t be officers, I know Phenac doesn’t have...” he trailed off with a frown.

Wait, what do the other three people look like anyways? Are they Cipher Peons or something like that?

Rui then made a prompt decision and approached the man with the megaphone. She heard Wes hiss her name behind her, but she ignored him. She hadn’t been with the Trainer that long, but knew him well enough that he would probably come up with something brash and reckless to get them out of here. Rui, however, had a little faith in the power of negotiation.

“Excuse me!” Rui raised her voice in an attempt to be heard over the megaphone. “Can you tell us what’s going on?”

The man lowered the megaphone and threw her a thoroughly disgruntled look. “Look, lady, I can only repeat myself through this damn cone and be ignored so many times. Now get gone. Go home.”

[ ]

“Please, sir...” Rui put on her best pleading face. “I’m just a tourist, you see, and I don’t live here-”

“Bah!” He waved a hand in frustration. “Then go to the Center or something!”

It might’ve been worth showing Rui’s reaction to getting brushed off a bit more than you presently do. Like is she taken aback at all here? Is she wondering what on earth is going on and why everyone seems so tense?

“Care to tell us why we can’t leave the city?” Wes surprised Rui by stepping up beside her and addressing the man sharply. She held back a sigh; she’d been going for the sweet and innocent angle, but Wes’ glare would quickly ruin that.

Out of the corner of her eye, Rui saw one of the three men nudge his neighbor and whisper in his ear.

Wes: “... (Oh boy, Rui, you just had to go and get me involved with all this.)”

The Town Hall member turned to scowl at him, but then quailed slightly under Wes’ fierce gaze. He huffed and shook his head.

“Look, I’m not at liberty to share details, but I have it on good authority that there’s an armed and dangerous criminal in this city, and nobody’s going anywhere until we find the culprit.” His face darkened. “You’ve heard the orders from the Mayor and myself, so stop wasting my time and get inside somewhere!”

Lol. Lmao. So Evice really did try to screw Wes over on the way out.

“Excuse me.”

One of the uniformed men stepped up. His face was obscured under a helmet with a dark visor. He wore a scarf around his neck, a crisply fitted button-up uniform, and thick gloves. Every piece of clothing, from his visor to his boots, was a solid oceanic blue. His two companions behind him wore identical uniforms, except that one was in all red, the other all green.

Oh, so those three other people are those Cipher Peons that you can get the free Johto Starter from. I take it this is the part that Wes gets that Quilava I’ve heard he has in later chapters

He seemed to be glancing between Wes and Rui - she couldn’t see his eyes, so it was hard to tell for certain. He then clapped a hand on the Town Hall member’s shoulder. “You can go on home now, sir. We’ll take it from here.”

The man balked. “But-as a Town Hall official-”

“No need to worry, this area’s been cleared of civilians save these two. You’ve done your duty.”

Wes: “Um, yeah, we’re kinda busy, so we’re just going to head off this way and-”
Rosso: “That didn’t include you, buddy.”

The staff member sighed in relief. He pushed past Wes and Rui further into the city, and she thought she heard him grumble as he passed, “Don’t get paid enough for this.”

The man in blue turned his head to Wes. “You, sir. I’m going to need to see your Trainer I.D.”

Wes narrowed his eyes. “What?”

Wes: “The hell would I do that for? You’re not a cop.”

Bluno: “You’re right, I’m not. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll follow instructions.”

“No worry, it’s only a precaution. We’ve got a Pokémon thief running somewhere through this city, so we need to be sure no Trainers are carrying unregistered Pokémon.”

Rui’s heart raced in her chest. Wes had tucked the Makuhita’s Pokeball onto his belt, next to the other two…

Sure is a good thing that you didn’t stuff it into a bag or something, huh, Wes?

“My Pokémon are right here,” Wes said cooly, and gestured to the Umbreon and Espeon that stood loyally at his feet.

“I’m sorry, but I still need to see your I.D.”

Wes raised an eyebrow at him. “And who are you, exactly? I don’t remember Phenac having officers.”

“We are volunteer transfers from Pyrite who have offered their services to keep Phenac safe.” An edge crept into the man’s tone. “Now, for the last time, show me your I.D., or things will get difficult.”

TL/DR: They just admitted that they’re hired thugs, and are really much, much worse.

Rui glanced nervously at Wes. What do we do? What do we do? But the Trainer merely sighed and shrugged his shoulders. His face was perfectly calm as he reached into his coat and handed his Trainer card to the...officer? Supposedly? Rui still wasn’t exactly sure what to call these men. She’d never heard of authorities transferring from Pyrite before - but then again, she supposed she didn’t know much about a lot of things.

If she did, she’d have called BS right there, since Pyrite’s police force is literally two people, and neither of them go around with glorified motorcycle helmets.

The man in blue pulled out his P*DA and scanned the card. After a moment’s pause, he read aloud, “Wesley Lycas, twenty-two, native Orre citizen, three registered Pokemon. An Espeon, an Umbreon, and a Makuhita.” He pocketed his device and handed the card back to Wes. “Looks like everything is in order. You’re all clear, but we still can’t allow anyone in or out of this city until we do a thorough search.”

Oh, that Snag Machine really does make things effortless. Though I wonder if it requires an active internet connection in order to update regional registries as to if a snagged Pokémon “belongs” to Wes, or if it can potentially get out of sync.

Wes heaved another sigh of exasperation. Rui could tell from his clenched jaw that he was trying very hard to maintain his patience. “Look, we really need to be on our way. Can you just let us go?”

“Sorry, sir. No exiting or entering until the lockdown is lifted.”

Or until you fight your way past one of these three, since that’s how it works in the actual games.

Wes looked ready to argue, so Rui quickly stepped in. “Thank you,” she said, “we’ll be on our way now!” She grabbed her companion by the arm and pulled him away.

“I can’t believe this-“ he mumbled under his breath as they turned to go. “We are never getting out of here...”

But we aren’t arrested, either, she thought. She looked up at him and was about to ask what sort of stunt he’d pulled when she heard a series of distinct sounds from behind them:

Several Pokémon being unleashed at once.

Well, that’s certainly different from how the games handled things. I wonder if we’re going to see a triple battle given that all three members of the Monochrome Peon Gang are about to get rowdy.

Wes stiffened. “Oh, hell-”

Rui was suddenly wrenched to the side as he dove, pulling her down with him. She didn’t even have time to shout before she heard Wes call to his Pokémon. “PROTECT!”

And everything around them exploded.

A maelstrom of Pokémon attacks engulfed them. Rui heard herself scream as she saw flames, leaves, water, psychic energy - but none of them reached her or Wes.

Well that’s a fortunate divergence from canon materials for the gang, since… uh… yeah, these two would be kinda screwed with the canonical movesets that the game Espeon and Umbreon have.

Neo and Novo flanked the two of them on either side. Novo’s rings flared as Neo’s jewel gleamed, a white silvery shield forming around them. The attacks subsided, and the shield evaporated like mist.

The dust settled. The three uniformed men stood with empty Pokeballs in their hands. Five growling, rumbling and snarling Pokemon loomed right in front of them -

Rui choked out a cry.

Dark. Angry. Black.

Okay, not that conservation of detail isn’t important, but I wonder if at minimum the Johtoan starters should’ve been acknowledged as being here in the group since it’d instantly tip off “oh, it’s those guys” for any readers who played Colosseum but didn’t put two and two together from the description of Rosso and the gang’s attire.

It was Pyrite all over again - but worse. Much worse. Rui trembled as she took in the sickly sight of purple-black flames engulfing the aura of - not one, not two, but three of the five Pokemon before them.

A Quilava twitched and clawed at the ground erratically as though trying to get at an itch it could not scratch; a Bayleef breathed heavily with raging hatred in its eyes; a Croconaw snapped its jaws and looked horrifyingly eager to tear something in two. A Spoink and a Grimer flanked the three creatures on either side, and although their auras were clean, they were tense and ready to fight.

Oh, there’s our list of Pokémon there. And oh hi, there, Lou. Though only one Spoink and Grimer, huh? I suppose that makes sense given that another four Pokémon with three sets of the same species would be kinda repetitive and waaaaay beyond what Wes and Rui are prepared to deal with at the moment.

These men were certainly no officers.

I take it that Rui’s not all that street smart given that the thought didn’t even occur to her to ask for their badge numbers.

There’s more of them, she realized as she took in the corrupted Pokemon with growing horror. Lots more. Then she realized something else.

We are so, so dead.

Well, not really, since it’d be a very short novelization otherwise, but… yeah, you two should probably run right now. ^^;

“So this is how you want to play?!” Wes was back on his feet and roaring at his opponents. “Just who the hell do you think you are!”

The man in blue smirked at him. “Play dangerous games, win dangerous prizes, my friend.” Wes snarled a curse at him.

Wes: “Answer the question, dammit!”

Rui rose shakily to her feet. “W-Wes-”

“What?!” He snapped his gaze to hers, and Rui flinched a little; he looked thoroughly pissed.

“Those - those - those Pokemon are like that Makuhita!”

He stared at her in disbelief. “You’re joking.”

Oh right, huh. We’re literally dependent on Rui in order to spot Shadow Pokémon in the games, huh? Though it’s pretty neat to see how they look like without the game abstraction that conveniently shows off their shadow-ness for us.

"The - the-” Fear made her words were jumble together. “Quilava-Croconaw-Bayleef!” She hoped to Arceus she made some sort of sense in her panic.

“Briii!” Novo stalked forward with a growl, utterly undaunted by the number of foes. One of the Pokemon, a Spoink, squealed a challenge back at him.

I see having Shadows for teammates gets you cocky, since Novo is literally the last Pokémon a base morph Psychic-type should be picking a fight with.

A volley of cries reached Rui’s ears as each of the men hollered commands at their Pokemon. Rui ducked, Wes shouted for another Protect, and this time the shield barely held against the vicious barrage.

She was not convinced it would hold a third time.

He’s already lucky that it held twice in a row. I’m frankly surprised that you two haven’t attempted to just get out of the street at this rate to try and shake those three.

“Novo, Dark Pulse on that Spoink! Neo - Confusion on the Grimer!”

The Eons lunged into the fray at the command, and chaos ensued. Wes ripped the third Pokeball from his belt and unleashed the Makuhita.

The Pokémon’s aura was no different from before. The darkness shifted around it eerily, unnaturally, like a sickly specter. The Makuhita blinked as he took in his surroundings. The dark flames of aura burned higher as he noticed the fighting.

Rui:

“Seriously, Wes. Why are you sending that one out?”

“Makuhita, Vital Throw!” Wes called from behind. The Makuhita turned to give him a blank stare.

And there’s our reveal that Wes has never given orders to a Shadow Pokémon before.

[ ]

“Does...does he know you’re his Trainer now?” Rui asked nervously. The sounds of the battle raged in front of them, and she heard Neo shriek in pain.

Wes must have heard this, too, because his jaw clenched. “Dammit, we don’t have time for this -“ he stepped up to the Makuhita. “Look, I’m your Trainer now. Long story. I need you to fight for me now or we are all dead.”

Makuhita:

Though I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense to have Rui give some sort of fleeting alarm reaction to the Makuhita not reacting to a pretty basic “Makuhita” move there.

The Makuhita seemed to understand this. He blinked and nodded his head slowly.

“Right, then - Vital throw!”

The Makuhita continued to stare.

Wes growled in frustration. “For the love of - you know what, I don’t care what you do, just get in there and throw down, and don’t hit the Espeon or Umbreon. Go!”

Cue the horrified reaction in 3… 2…

The Pokémon didn’t need to be told twice. As if a switch had been flipped, the Makuhita went from a blank, lifeless slate to a raging machine. His head snapped to the battle and he lunged into the chaos with a terrifying bellow. “Ma-KU!”

Wes:

Things were not going well for Neo and Novo. The Espeon was panting heavily as he clashed with the Bayleef, Quilava and Grimer all at once. He finally landed a solid Confusion on the Grimer, launching it several feet and taking it out of commission, only to be buried beneath the attacks of his other two foes. He wailed as the Bayleef battered at him with its vines - and then said Bayleef was blasted off its feet as Makuhita slammed into his side with terrifying force.

Novo was snapping his jaws at the Spoink with the Croconaw hot on his heels. He finally landed a Bite on its tail, and while the Pokémon shrieked, he knocked it out with a Dark Pulse before flinging it away from the battle. The Croconaw was upon him immediately, and the two engaged in a whirlwind of fangs and claws.

And that’s why you should’ve cut and run before coming back to deal with one of these guys while they camped the different exits.

Shouts rang across the battlefield as one command after another was called. Rui heard one of the men, the one in green, laugh smugly. They knew who would win this fight; they had made sure of that before the battle had even begun.

The playing field was even now, but Wes’ starters had taken a beating. Neo’s fur was charred from the Quilava’s flames, Novo was limping badly, and both of their attacks were rapidly weakening. They would not last much longer.

Yeah, I’ll bet when you effectively fought half the battle as a 5v2 with 3 shadowmons in the mix. Though this was certainly a wise call for a departure from the canonical events, since it’s a lot more tense at the moment.

The Makuhita, on the other hand, was thriving.

He slammed the Bayleef off its feet once more. The grass Pokémon let out a cry that was cut short by another brutal blow - then another, and another. The Bayleef’s cries transitioned from ones of frustration to screams of pain. [ ]

Rui noticed this with horror. “Wes, stop him!” She shrieked.

It probably makes sense to describe Rui seeing a bit more of what Makuhita is doing to that poor Shadow Bayleef right now that’s horrifying her so much.

Wes had left Makuhita to his devices as he called commands to the struggling Eons. At Rui’s cry, he followed her gaze and swore at the sight.

He had a Pokeball in his hand with lighting speed; Rui caught a gleam of light as the machine on his arm lit up and emitted an orange glow along its seams and edges. With a fluid motion, the Trainer lunged forward and hurled the ball at the Bayleef, and the Pokémon vanished in a beam of light.

Huh. Wasn’t expecting that one. I wasn’t aware that Wes also caught the Bayleef. I wonder if he’ll get the other two starters here for his trouble, since that’d certainly be one way of sidestepping his current team size disadvantage.

She heard one of the men scream in fury.

The Makuhita barely seemed to notice that his foe had vanished. He immediately hurled himself at the Croconaw with a roar, and Rui saw his aura bursting with aggression.

Rui didn’t hear the ball click in all the chaos, but she saw it fly back to Wes’ hand. No sooner did he tuck it away than he hurled another one, this time at the Quilava. The fire Pokémon had barely disappeared into the ball before he chucked another at the Croconaw.

Whelp, confirmed there. Though boy is someone getting lucky with his catch rates there.

Verde: “The hell was that?!” O_O;
Bluno: “I call hax.”
Rosso: “You thieving little shit, give me back my Pokémon!”

The Trainer in red roared; his companions balked in fear and confusion at the sudden turn of the tides. He lunged forward - and the Makuhita, fresh out of opponents, charged at him.

“Holy-” Wes choked as he fumbled for his Pokeball, but he wasn’t quick enough. There was a loud thud and a scream as the fighting Pokémon landed his blow and threw the man back ten feet. He landed hard on the white stones and moaned in pain as his companions backed away with shouts of terror.

Wes: “Um, yeah, we’re just going to wrap this battle up and get the hell out of here now.”

He’s out of control, Rui thought as she watched in horror. And Wes just caught another one like him! Merciful Arceus -

Novo: “*Another three like him-*”
Rui: “Not helping right now!”

The Makuhita bore down on him again, black aura billowing about him, but Wes managed to return him just before he could slam his mighty fists down on the man’s chest.

“That Pokémon,” he said shakily to a pale Rui as he tucked away the ball, “is insane.”

“You know,” she replied weakly, “You’re not wrong.”

Wait, so just how common are Shadow Pokémon anyways given that Wes clearly doesn’t have a frame of reference for them based off that reaction.

Crack!

The ominous sound rang out like a gunshot. The Quilava reappeared in a burst of white light, snarling with dark fury. The flames roaring from its neck and tail contrasted starkly with the black cloud of aura around it.

It fastened its eyes on Rui and lunged.

Oh, well scratch that about Wes being lucky with his catch rates there.

Rui:

She stumbled backward with a yelp. A black and yellow blur shot from the side and rammed the fire Pokémon, sending it rolling across the stones. The Quilava staggered to its feet and faced Novo with a bellow of rage.

So, considering weasels IRL, what are the odds that this sounded like a loud and shrill squeak?

Rui felt a hand on her arm tug her back and away from the fight. She heard Wes’ voice beside her. “Dark Pulse!”

A wall of dark energy flowed from Novo’s pelt as he charged at his foe. The Quilava belched flames at him; Novo darted under them, and his Dark Pulse knocked the Quilava onto its side.

Wes: “Seriously? Would it really have been the end of the world to just get lucky with those two like the Bayleef?”

Another crack; the Croconaw burst from its Pokeball and immediately lunged at a weakened, barely standing Neo.

Wes: “Oh come on, seriously?!”

“Novo, Bite! Neo, Return!”

“Es-PIIII!” Neo yowled as he launched his assault on the rapidly approaching Croconaw. His pelt gleamed with white energy, then blasted from his forehead jewel into the other Pokémon’s chest. The Croconaw bellowed as it was sent sprawling across the white stones.

The trainer in blue screamed at the Croconaw as it struggled to rise to its feet. “You pathetic little - SHADOW RUSH!”

Probably is a good thing that that Croconaw isn’t in a normal frame of mind at the moment, since that sort of motivation sounds more than a little counterproductive there.

“Shadow Rush?” Wes scoffed. “The hell kind of move is-”

Rui wasn’t listening. The moment its Trainer gave the command, she watched in horror as the Croconaw rose unsteadily to its feet. Its aura pulsed brighter, stronger, bigger...

And then consumed the Pokémon.

Ah yes, things are going well™ right now, I see.

Rui: “Wes! Look out!”

For a moment, it felt as though time had slowed. Rui saw the sickly flames flickering around the Croconaw as it rushed at its opponent. Dark, black tendrils snaked about its body, as though binding it, suffocating it. Her chest ached.

Wrong. Wrong. Whatever had been done to this poor creature, it was wrong.

Uh… if the process that was depicted in Nameless was remotely representative for how Shadow Pokémon are made… yeah, you don’t know the half of it, Rui.

The Croconaw slammed into Neo. Rui heard him screech in pain as he was sent flying through the air, then landed with a gut-wrenching thud.

Wes moved past her in a blue blur as he launched another ball at the Croconaw. It disappeared once again into the ball, and this time, after several shakes, it did not reappear.

Two down, all that’s left is Squeakers unless you want to take your chances fielding those Pokémon you just snagged against the color trio.

The ball had barely flown back to Wes’ hand before he launched another at the Quilava. Novo staggered away as his foe was sucked into the Pokeball, his fur singed.

Click.

The third and final ball landed in Wes’ hand. He shoved them both into the bag with a furious mutter.

I mean, on the positive side, it’s not as if these three can mount any meaningful resistance, so you should be able to just waltz out of Phenac now? ^^;

A roar rang out. “YOU!” The Trainer in blue screamed at Wes. “HOW DARE YOU!”

Wes gazed back at him in cold fury. “Play dangerous games, win dangerous prizes, I suppose,” he spat.

I take it that Wes in this story isn’t much of a joker, since I’ll admit, a part of me was expecting him to be a bit more self-satisfied right now.

The blue Trainer looked ready to lunge at Wes when a moan came from his companion lying on the ground. He spat at him before turning away to help his fallen comrade.

“Es...pi...” A weak mew reached Rui’s ears. She and Wes turned to see Neo limping to his Trainer. He looked up at him with dull eyes before collapsing to the ground.

A quiet, frightening rage appeared in Wes’ eyes. “Alright,” he hissed as he returned his Espeon and Umbreon, “That. Is. It.”

Rui: “Um… Wes? You’re kinda scaring me right now.”

The tails of his coat streamed behind him as he turned and, without a word, stalked for the front gate.

“W-Wes?” Rui followed him cautiously. His anger scared her a little.

“Come on,” he said crisply. “We’re leaving this damned city.”

That would be wise, since these three are going to go straight back to Evice to get backup after this.

They strode past their attackers; the two men were busy helping their wounded colleague to his feet. Rui turned her head away from them and continued after Wes.

He didn’t say anything as they walked to where his bike was parked. Rui hesitated as they approached it. What was the plan now? Where would they go?

>implying that Wes has any plans other than “get away from here”

“Let’s go.” Wes’ voice made her jump. He was already on the bike, pulling his mirrored visors over his eyes. She noticed he’d already ditched his sling, and she vaguely wondered when that had happened.

Rui took a shaky breath. “Where are we going?”

“Anywhere that isn’t here.”

Lol, I knew it. Though I suppose that’s one way to motivate them to go barreling out to Pyrite Town.

It was a good enough answer, for now. Rui climbed into the sidecar once again, still only just managing not to trip, and once she was settled in, they were off across the sands once more.

Rui: “So, uh… were we still splitting up after we got to wherever you were thinking of?” .-.
Wes: “At the rate things have been going, I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t get rid of you even if I tried.”

Alright, made it to the end, though that was certainly a change of pace from the games. It was a nice reminder that even though this story is essentially a Colosseum retelling, that it still has room to do things differently, and your spin on the Wonder Troop encounter felt like a welcome departure that also has the benefit of helping to fill out Wes’ team a bit earlier on. Seeing things largely from Rui’s perspective was also a nice change of pace since most of the story has been from Wes’ perspective thus far. Makes me wonder if we’ll bounce back and forth between the two more in this story.

I thought that the chapter was generally put together quite well, so I don’t have too much to complain about. There were a couple typos that I spotted and a couple paragraphs that I didn’t see eye to eye with for formatting, but the latter’s a bit subjective. I did notice a couple of points where I thought that you left opportunities on the table to get into the characters’ heads a bit more as stuff’s happening, especially during long sequences of uninterrupted dialogue, but what was there was already pretty solid.

Good stuff, @HelloYellow17 . This unfortunately will likely be my only review of OSAS this Review Blitz since I’m running a bit short on time, but I’ll be looking forward to crossing paths with this story again and seeing where it goes in the future. ^^