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Crosspost:
Okay let's read. Just the first two for now,
C1:
- Initial description of the building is a bit shaky
- I thought one of the two was waiting for him in the seat after he blew the place up?
- Shoutouts to his two different names
- Well this friendship soured intensely, especially considering the history between Gonzap and Wes
- What a weak Skarm to go down in one single hit
- Uhhh I guess someone really did leave the background music on?
- Neo and Novo? So is he going to name his first capture Naveen? Novak? Maybe Newfangled?
- Bacon-loving Pokemon?
- Oh uh I guess that Gonzap stockholmed the hell out of Wes in your version of the story?
- Bleh, anti-shoutouts to awkwardly replacing God with Arceus. It's just not as snappy sounding, it's awkward even.
C2:
- Insert Spongebob narrator voice here.
- You know why do people with fussy walking Pokemon in fics never recall them?
- It's the same tune here, always, on loop.
- Oh I guess Gateon already exists
- It's still smoking after all this time, huh?
- I guess Wes isn't edgy enough to actually kill.
- Now what's wrong with pink hair? Dude's got white hair himself. Which, I guess you made platinum blonde just to have it be more normal, I guess? It looks pretty gray/white/silver to me.
- Well RIP the first battle, then.
- That feel when Pokemon suddenly decide to be heroes
- More insulting of hair colors. I almost get the feeling that his hair is in fact gray or white or silver and he's just insulting others' anime hair colors to feel better about his own, even though this is anime land and odd hair colors are the norm.
- Helping Hand only works right away, unless it doesn't,
- Heh, shoutouts to Pokemon grunts being comic relief, which they are
- Okay thank Celebi amused me. Still, screw making Arceus the Judeo-Christian God.
- Pretty contrived that he's being forced into this by his Pokemon. As if the people asking weren't enough.
All right, good start so far. Adding and expanding on the Colosseum plot. Don't have much to comment on that I haven't already done so. So for now I'll just say, looking forward to reading more whenever I feel like reading something that isn't a book.
All right, I've actually been meaning to write this review for the last week or so, but what can you do. Since this time I'm gonna be reviewing the remaining four chapters I have left I opted for a more general review style where I can talk about those four chapters and the story as a whole so far.
I've mentioned it multiple times but I think what stands out the most about your fic is how you bring the material to life. Just recently I've been thinking about what a good adaptation truly is. Some people think adaptations should be 100% faithful to the material they're adapting or they suck otherwise, but I no longer think so. I think that taking liberties and really considering where the material you're adapting came from and the medium you're shifting to is really important and its a detail that you've taken careful measures with.
The best example for this can be seen in two things. One is obviously the extra worldbuilding behind Orre and why the region is as it is. The games just tell us that there's no wild pokemon and the region is mostly desert but it never quite bothers to delve into the why of that. I think the idea of Noctis is appropriate because it not only justifies these two points, it also helps paint a better picture of where people of Orre are and how they've survived since.
The second detail is the way you've gone about dealing with the Shadow Pokemon. In the games you purify them either by going to Agate or through battles, but having Wes fight with all the shadowmons he catches would make things unruly and it would turn the pokemon into plot devices and you can't very well be expected to flesh out who knows how many pokemon. So I think the idea of having Wes keep a core team of pokemon and have all the others be taken care of by their allies not only helps counter this issue, it also lets the other characters (which would normally just feel like NPCs) be relevant.
This is especially true of the way you adapted the snagging mechanic...in that Wes doesn't really use it. Well, outside of the first time in Phenac he hasn't, but it makes sense. Even if they're going covert in Pyrite it still wouldn't be wise to just go and openly steal your opponents' pokemon, so implementing Lon and then having Wes use the machine offscreen was a great go around in my opinion, plus Rui would've become suspicious herself if she saw how good Wes was at doing that so often right?
I could honestly talk about those details a lot because I think they really help in selling the story you're trying to tell and breathing new life into these characters. And good thing too because you've got a pretty engaging cast here. While not all characters quite stand out as much such as Silva, I do appreciate the work you've put in to sell Duking, Sherles, Duking's kids and Lon. I think their personalities really stand out and Duking specifically feels like a really cool character in how he's trying to take care of his family and the city at the same time. He clearly wants to change Pyrite and create a place where people can live but doesn't really have a way to constructively do it with all the criminals and organizations that are managing things from the shadows.
But of course Wes and Rui are the character that steal the show for me. They're both interesting enough individually, Rui is someone that carries her own trauma but that otherwise led a life separate from the Orre's burden and as such can seem pretty naive and innocent, but it all comes from a genuine place of wanting to help others and do good. Wes' more cynical and darker outlook compliment her and the two balance each other out perfectly well. I also like how they've grown closer but still have things that stop them from fully connecting, such as Wes' true identity or Rui's own insecurities about how useful she can actually be for Wes.
Another detail about them that I really liked is how you can tell that they've both led their own lives. We still don't know much about Rui, but I've been enjoying the looks into Wes' past with Snaggem and training under Aiden. Novo's and Neo's chapter in particular was both a cute and sad look at the conditions Wes had to grow up in, and sheesh, didn't expect the reason for that line Wes always traces across his nose to be quite...extreme; but I liked it and I liked Wes' relationship with Renna and how he at least had someone he could interact with...even if that hasn't quite worked out yet.
Wes's story actually has a surprising amount of importance as well because it plays into the main theme of the story. I think trauma is the one thing that plagues all of the characters in this story. Everyone has something they're trying to forget, something that's shaped them or kept them from moving. Wes is trying to forget about the memories of Snaggem and closes himself off to the world, mainly in fear of them hurting or maybe him hurting them instead. Rui is scared of becoming a trainer again after having her pokemon stolen, feeling like she'll just go through the same thing and I'm also assuming that growing up in a village filled with expert trainers only to go and lose your pokemon is not something that she can just overcome. Then you've got the whole of Pyrite which is basically a melting pot of criminals and people otherwise thrown aside by Orre and Duking and Sherles who have both lived through Orre's worst times and are trying to keep things from getting any worse.
But I think this theme really comes full circle with the shadowmons. Each pokemon carries their own trauma of the experiments Cipher did, whether that'd be closing themselves off, being afraid of everyone that comes close or trying to assert their dominance every chance they get. They're very believable reactions that people and animals go through and I love how they parallel some of the human characters as well. Wes might criticize them but the way he deals with trauma is not so different from how Maku and Nani do it.
Before I close out, I will say that the biggest issue this story currently has for me comes down to its spacing. Here I mainly talk about the way the story itself has progressed. Even though we're fifteen chapters in it still doesn't feel like we've properly started with the story and in a way, outside of chapter 13, the Pyrite arc feels like it's moved pretty slowly. I love seeing the characters interact and come up with believable ways of going about their mission, but seeing them do it in every chapter and essentially go over similar beats multiple times can hinder the flow of the story. This last bit especially hit me because I actually really enjoy the way your prose and writing flows, it's easy to get into and follow and once I got into the groove of things it was hard to get out, but that pacing combined with the lengths of the chapter made it feel a little tedious at times.
Outside of that, I had a lot of fun with this story and I'm waiting impatiently for the next chapter. Keep up the good work.
C3
- Say it out loud. Arceus, this girl is small. And then say: God, this girl is small. Which sounds better? Why I generally hate Oh My Arceus.
- Not sure how to feel about making Rui a huge idiot.
- With a wan smile, though?
- Okay I guess Rui is an even bigger idiot. Great. At least she acknowledges it?
- Suddenly they start cursing in Mew's name?
- No Pokemon indoors for security, but concealed weapons? Don't even bother looking.
- Aside, the guy's name is Es Cade. No hyphens. Presumably first name Es, last name Cade
- WESLEY??? Making me think of Clone High, which is never a bad thing.
- And rebranding her ability as able to sea aura is sensible.
- You know randomly, I never did like the implication that all Pokemon are pure and are only violent when humans make them that way
- Saying that line about them only evolving with a strong is sensible, except this is the game series where you can just use a shard to accomplish the same thing.
- Oh hey it's that guy who was Cipher's not-leader with the freaky hair who I only really remember for having no battle music
- The badass edgy guy, afraid of the Sephiroth ripoff?
- Wonder what Rui is going to think of Snagem's top Pokemon snatcher?
- You'd think she'd notice hunger sooner instead of it just popping up to ruin a moment
- Huh, wasn't expecting that much of an age-up. Wes totally seemed like an edgy teenager.
- And here I thought Wakin was a joke.
- Now how is she going to ride in the sideseat when those damn foxes always have to be out of their balls? Oh, I guess that's how. That's going to be awkward every time.
C4
- You know now that I think about it why didn't they kill her immediately? I have some very disturbing thoughts as to why. And realize that the plot could've only happened because they wanted to kidnap her and torture/worse instead of just killing her. Or making her suffocate because the grunts were too dumb to understand air holes.
- So Wes is tsun?
- Why would he not have them in stock? I mean Snagem customers. But then where does he get them from? Mail-order delivery?
- No Premier Ball as an added bonus for buying 10 Poke Balls?
- Why is she surprised at the desert temperature? Unless she's that sheltered.
- Bishie sparkles, kind of?
- So uh, serious question time. If Novo watches at night and is out walking with Wes all day because this is a guy who must have his Pokemon out of the Poke Balls at all times, when does Novo sleep?
- Would figure Rui would have a bit of PTSD from the experience. But, a pendant on a mysterious girl?! That's not good news.
- Novo's disdain seems to come out of nowhere here. Had no problem, or at least not mentioned before.
- Well it seems Rui doesn't have a monopoly on PTSD in this party.
- But Umbreon can't learn Hypnosis. Did Snagem steal Lance's Gameshark?
- If this is his usual diner booth, you'd think he'd not want to be here, given it'd be one of the first places Snagem would look.
- Ah explaining it away with a war. That probably had like nukes. And didn't seem to have much of a point because there's no one occupying it and they blew away all the resources. Uhhh what was even the point of the war then?
- And Neo worships Mew, who apparently watches above? Will say this, it's infintely better sounding than Arceus.
- Well that is not at all creepy for the Pokemon to think of the human as a pushover. Seems more cat than fox.
- No response from Novo from Neo getting bacon when he didn't?
- Fun personalities from the two foxes, at least.
- In regards to Pokemon language in the postscript comments, I do think it's neat. I never really liked Pokemon saying their own names due to all the implication complications it creates with having them be different names in different languages. That said. there's a problem here: syllables. Ash's Pikachu has a lot of different mixups of his name for different words, but they match. Pi-ka-Pi is Sa-to-shi, for example. For some reason Wes' Pokemon use two syllables to refer to him. Unless they're both calling him Wesley (and that is his real name, he seems like the type that'd use an alias).
Things continue to chug along, choo choo. But the pain train is soon, where all will be revealed. But will Rui get angry or still think of Wes as her Knight in Shining Armor in this version of the events?! It shall remain to be seen.
Hi HelloYellow! I’ve been on an Orre kick lately, and I’d heard a lot of good stuff about your fic, so I thought I'd check it out. And boy, I made the right decision there, because I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve read so far! This is going to mostly be a general overview review of the entire fic so far, though I may point out a few specific things here and there.
I think chapter 1, though short, does a pretty good job of setting up the premise of Wes as a character. It drops some hints about his backstory without getting fully into it, and we’ve seen parts of it unfold throughout the chapters thus far, while still leaving some things hidden. And we explicitly see Wes’ ultimate goal - get out of Orre (and honestly, who can blame him). There are a few other neat things set up here, like Novo’s use of hypnosis to soothe Wes and help him sleep.
(One silly note is that I listened to this fic in TTS, and everytime Neo said “Esp.” the reader translated it as “especially.” Which was. Kind of silly.)
On chapter 2, I see in your editing changes that you removed the battle with Willie. I dunno what was originally there, but I think that’s probably for the better. Fights are fun to write, and can be fun to read! But constant battles can slow the pacing to a crawl. Especially since you already have a fight in this chapter, and one that’s much more important/high stakes.
As a critique I do want to say that, overall, this first fight against the Mirror B peons is probably the weakest fight in the fic, imo. It feels very… stiff. I can picture it playing out exactly how it does in-game, right down to the animations. That said, later fights felt much more dynamic, so I kind of figure it's just a symptom of being one of the first fights written in the fic.
Anyways, despite the fact that Wes is very obviously not a “pure-hearted” protagonist in the traditional sense, it’s nice to see bits of how he’s good at heart, despite everything.Reluctant heroes are fun to play around with.
I don’t have a lot to say about chapter three, but I did really like the little cameo of Eldes. Like. It makes logical sense that he, Argos, and Greevil were involved with Cypher at the time of Colosseum. Because like. How else did they get Cypher up and running again? It would be weird if it was just a bunch of randos. It makes me really curious what other elements from XD might show up later in the fic.
I liked the extra pov’s in chapter 4. I liked getting into Rui’s head and getting to know a bit more about her and the way she thinks, And I REALLY liked getting to get into the head of Neo and Novo. I think you did a decent jo of making them feel like they had distinct personalities, and I felt like you do a decent job of making them feel intelligent, but inhuman. We see this come in even stronger later, when we get the chapter with the shadow pokemon povs, which I like. I hope checking in with pokemon character povs every once in a while continues to be a norm.
Chapter 5. He’s here. The man, the myth, the legend. Aaaaand he’s gone again. Well, that was fun.
Anyways, I cannot wait to see how all of Wes’ lies end up coming back to bite him. Like. I 100% understand why he’s lying. But his refusal to tell the truth is going to cause some serious trouble eventually, probably at the worst possible time.
Also, I really like that the fight in the chapter made some use of the environment. I.e, the part where Novo is knocked into the couch. I do feel like you could have taken this further though, having the furniture be obstacles that the pokemon had to get around to fight (and perhaps that the makuhita carelessly charged right through, since I feel it would have made sense with how focused on attacking it was..)
Chapter 6. Oh boy, I think this fight has been your best so far. You do a great job of making it feel chaotic and dangerous. Like these guys seriously mean business. Of all the scenes in your fic so far, this is the one that had me on the edge of my seat. I wasn’t certain whether he’d catch the other two shadow pokemon (as iirc you can only get one in the game at this point) or if they were going to make a getaway. But he does, and they seem to be the foundation for his team going forward. Well, Crocanaw and Quilava at least. Looking forward to seeing how Meganium gets handled in yet-to-be-released chapters though.
There was also the added tension of makuhita going after the other trainers. WHich I mean. It logically makes sense, but also I don’t want to know what kind of damage a makuhita could cause on a real human. We already saw Wes take some damage from it, but this time the victim was lying helpless. I imagine he would have had a lot more to deal with than a broken shoulder if Wes hadn’t intervened.
And now on to chapter 7, where we start getting into the meat of some of your original concepts! I know they were foreshadowed before, but this is where we really get to see some of the horrible things going on in orre. And that’s not even touching on the lack of a central government. And a lot of this original content is what really makes this fic feel just a bit post-apocalyptic… despite the fact that other regions are clearly doing just fine! Really dropping the ball here on preventing human suffering 8’D
We also get some more backstory for both Wes and Rui. I am fully expecting to, at some point, find out that Wes or someone he was close to was either directly or indirectly involved with the theft of Rui’s starter. And. Oh boy. That’s going to be a thing if it happens. Not to mention the fallout in general from him hiding his origins. I want to see this man see some consequences for his lies (Even though I”m probably gonna cry when it happens 8’(. )
As I’m looking back over chapter 8, I don’t really have much to say about this one? I guess I could mention that I was a bit surprised that Wes was willing to go to the police at all, though I guess in some ways it speaks about how he’s just a biiiiit overconfident. Not significantly, but just enough for it to come back to bite him.
Moving to 9… heh, Sherles is a smart man. Anyways, I think you do a good job with Duking. Heck, this whole scene, the fact that Duking is aware of who Wes is, makes his animosity towards him work really well. It’s been a while since I played Colo, but I remember him being pretty unfriendly at first in it, albeit for very different reasons (and I suspect those reasons are going to happen at some point in the near future. If so….. Hooo boy. Wonder if Wes is gonna get accused of being involved in a certain pokemon’s theft. He’s already not trusted. Taking it a step further seems plausible.
But now we’ve got the setup complete, and it’s time to get into the meat of the fic. Still got a few chapters to talk about before I give overall thoughts though!
Not a lot of specifics to say about 10, but Like I brought up earlier, I like the little special focuses on pokemon Povs so that we get to see how they think, and how different each one is. And I gotta say, I’m looking forward to seeing how the personalities of our shadowy friends change as they heal further and further.
Chapter 11 could have been titled “Neo’s bacon addiction takes a turn for the worse.”
Jokes aside, I really like that Wes is learning about how the shadow pokemon work as he goes. He doesn’t just magically know how to deal with them, and it’s all worked out within narration. I did feel like his handling of Lon was a bit harsh, but it also made a lot of sense for his personality.
This continues into chapter 12. In which Wes continues to traumatize a child and Rui tries being nice. Not gonna lie though, even though I have some gaps in my memories of colosseum, I was half expecting Lon’s “team” to be other kids, instead of his team of pokemon.
On an unrelated note, I enjoyed seeming more of Wes’ backstory, even if it made me 8(. Big yikes on Nover there, obviously not caring about his pokemon. Though on the other hand, I guess that kind of explains why he’s so willing to have a shadow pokemon in the first place. Good on our heroes for getting Noctowl out of his grasp.
Not much to say about 13. It’s a fun little origin story.
I liked the juxtaposition of how the shadow pokemon and the normal pokemon behave and feel about things in chapter 14. Same for Chapter whatever, which was just plain silly and fun.
I don’t have much to say on 15 actually except yay more backstory. I wish I had more to say on the most recent chapters but I just don’t have much.
Overall thoughts? I really enjoy this fic! There’s a lot to love about it. Strong characterization. Fleshing out of a pre-existing world. Interesting lore and worldbuilding. If there’s one thing I would have to critique, it’s the pacing, specifically after Wes is brought on to snag pokemon for Sherles. Now, the chapters since have been jam-packed with juicy tidbits, but at the same time it feels like not much has happened to move the plot along. Wes has caught a few pokemon and had a runin with another member of snagem and… not much else. We’re at almost 100k words - a little over the average length of a novel - and we haven’t even seen the reappearance of Miror B. That said… if your goal is to have the confrontation with Miror B be more or less the climax of “act 1” then I think it could work out. I’ll have to see where things are in a few more chapters before I say anything more.
All that said, I am very excited to read more. In particular, I am looking forward to seeing how plusle’s disappearance throws a big wrench into things. Because I don’t see any way it couldn’t throw a wrench into things. And I’m also looking forward to seeing how Wes handles telling Rui the truth about his past… or how failing to do so blows up in his face.
Anyways, I think that’s all I have to say. Looking forward to reading more!
So, I'm going to preface this by saying that adaptations and novelizations are, broadly speaking, not my forté unless the author is taking steps right out of the gate to make it clear things are going to be very different. And you do have the second scene in chapter 1 introducing some differences in the form of giving Wes a backstory that was definitely absent in Colosseum. I'm guessing from how you talk about him on Discord that this is not going to be a fic that leads to the scrapped idea of him taking over Cipher lol. The other big difference I suppose is in giving him a motivation of leaving Orre behind. That and the abusive backstory seem to be the foundations behind his more anti-heroic thought process with ditching Rui. And the twins acting as morality pets of sorts is a nice wink to them being friendship/happiness evolutions.
Outside of those differences, the first two chapters are sticking to the plot of Colosseum, right on down to the comic relief goons that try to kidnap Rui. I'm assuming things diverge a bit more in later chapters because of the in-depth backstories. Broadly speaking, the chapters read smoothly to be. Snappy pace. Nuggets of Wes' backstory sprinkled in but not in such an overbearing way that it comes off as "telling, not showing." Descriptions that make it easy for me to visualize things; though part of that might be aided by the fact that these are all canon locales. I suppose my one critique is that the poké-speech use feels out of place with the fic's more serious tone, but that's mostly a pet peeve for me. I don't really have much else to say, though, because the parts I read are, well, Colosseum. Nothing wrong with that, I just tend to stick to original narratives because they're more fun for me.
As far as I can tell from the first two chapters, though, you're doing a good job with this adaptation so far. So, uh, keep up the good work.
hey yellow! i'm hoping to catch up with osas over the next couple weeks, and i figured i'd drop a review to get started! i might not review everything i read here in the interest of reading as much as possible, but i'll be sure to let you know my thoughts to some capacity if anything jumps out at me! 😁
i really liked this chapter. it was mostly a worldbuilding/backstory type of thing, but i thought most of it flowed pretty well anyway and it didn't feel super infodumpy. introducing us to noctis mortem by way of wes's conversation with rui was nice—it felt like a character bonding moment more than it did a lore one, to me. i enjoyed the worldbuilding itself. it's pretty intense, and i'm definitely wondering if this stuff will come up again later. i mention in the line reacts that i suspect this lore was created to explain the conditions of orre as they are (unexplained) in-game, but it's honestly pretty cool stuff and it'd be really neat to see it pop up again. and hey, you named a whole chapter for it, so maybe...? 😳
some good wes moments in here unrelated to the other stuff, too. his closeness to his pokémon felt very real to me—he was so urgent about getting them healed up, so angry about the fact that they had been injured. at the end, when he's hurt and upset and afraid, all he wants is to be surrounded by them. it's just really sweet and well-done. i liked seeing him open up to rui a little bit too ("i guess having conversations isn't ALL bad") and was a little sad when he started clamming back up. i guess it's not as easy as him just letting go of all that long-ingrained trauma in a flash, but i want them to get along gdi 😭
i was a little less sure about the dream scene. it was undeniably well-written and poignant, but it felt infodumpy to me in a way that the previous sequences hadn't—unlike the previous information you gave us, which was tied into the character's conversation and felt like a bonding moment most of all, the dream is sort of just presented as-is. it's sort of a hard problem, because wes is a really closed-off guy... it doesn't seem like this information is essential to understanding the story right now, so i wonder if it couldn't be kicked down the line until wes is a little more open and willing to share his memories with rui, or maybe just organized into its own chapter. i know that these suggestions aren't super helpful for editing the current text, since it kind of is what it is here, but i thought i'd just share my thoughts on it for whatever benefit it does provide. 😁
anyway, gud fic, liked this one a lot as always, hope to reach the point soon where i can pester you to update moar! keep up the good work!
Rui had major hesitations at first, when she saw where they were headed. Wes didn't entirely blame her; staying in an abandoned town at night, with its decaying buildings and creaking houses, would make any regular person nervous.
But for Orre natives, it was even more ominous, as they all knew what had reduced so many towns like this one to ruins; as a result, most citizens avoided these places out of fear and superstition.
Wes was not "most citizens", however.
"It's perfectly safe, trust me," he'd said to her as she planted her boots firmly in the sand and refused to move closer.
"How do you know that?" Rui looked at him with fearful eyes, the dying light of the sunset fading behind her. "How do we know there aren't still traces of - of the-"
"I know because I've stayed here before. Several times. Do I look dead or sick to you?" he asked curtly.
this made me laugh. "i'm quite aware that this freaks most people out. hard to blame them! oh, you're freaked out? you utter pansy. do i look dead to you? 😒" never change, wes.
Noctis. He'd been so young when the mysterious illness swept through Orre and devastated its population, but he'd heard the stories plenty of times from older adults at Snagem. They spoke of its effects, how it turned one's skin as white as a sheet and blackened their eyes and veins until they looked like a corpse, how the seizures and screams of agony would last for hours, sometimes days, before death took them.
wow, damn. that's a little bit intense. a bit of googling suggests to me that this is worldbuilding you invented—along with the nuclear warfare—and i'm here for it tbh. maybe you created it just to justify orre's existing worldbuilding, but i'm curious if you ever touch back on this. where did noctis come from? what led to johto nuking the shit out of orre? interesting questions you're setting up here!
She gave him a wan smile. "It's all right...I don't remember anything about him, I was so young." She brightened just a little. "But even so, I'm proud to be his daughter. He was fighting to save lives, and that makes him a hero in my book."
Granted, he supposed he could justify it as self defense, but the way he so naturally and quickly reverted to his Snagger instincts was not lost on him, and it disturbed him greatly.
i think the "was not lost on him" is a little clunky and doesn't add much—you could probably cut it. also: oof. you can blow up the snaggem base, but you can't take the snaggem base out of the... well, you know what i mean.
He fully expected her to argue, but instead she just nodded her head wearily and laid back on her mattress. "Yeah...okay." Her voice finally betrayed her tiredness. "Goodnight, Wes."
"...yeah. Night." He found he was very unused to having someone - a human someone - say goodnight to him. Was it always this weird to be around people all the time?
i feel like the first ellipsis here wants a space after it, i.e. "Yeah... okay." i tend to think of ellipses as a weird type of punctuation. also, i think "yeah" needs to be capitalized on the next line, since it's the first word in a sentence: "...Yeah. Night."
small thing, but i thought this read a little weird—maybe it's just me, but i think "just as" suggests a specific time/location, and "almost there" isn't quite that. maybe: the young couple noticed him just before they reached their vehicle. i can't entirely explain why that reads smoother to me but it do
Wakin growled. "I don't give a damn who you are. Now return them and hand them over, or I shoot the girl first."
There was a pause, and then they shakily returned their Pokémon. The girl broke down into sobs as they tossed the Pokeballs at Wakin's feet. The boy held her close.
dang. so i guess in this world, a guy with a gun beats even a guy with several pokémon, huh? i guess it makes sense that snaggem was able to Assert Dominance over orre if they're the guys with the guns.
The rest was a blur; Wakin said something to them before letting them go. They sped off through the desert, and he thought he might have heard some words thrown over the boy's shoulder, but he didn't catch them.
Wakin stepped up beside him. It was a job well done, he thought. He started to feel hopeful about a reward; maybe he'd get to have a decent meal, for once -
Wham.
He was not prepared for the unexpected blow. He staggered as blinding pain shot through his head. He raised a hand to the wound, and when he pulled it back, found it covered in red.
"Your little dramatic pause nearly cost us the whole mission, you brat!" Wakin roared at him, but he refused to cower under the man's terrifying fury. No fear. No weakness.
The lifeless bodies of several Pokémon were strewn across the room, and one man was slumped on the floor against the wall, his breaths rattling painfully in his chest.
A lump formed in his throat and he immediately swallowed it. He crushed the broken feeling rising in his chest. He would not cry, dammit, he would not. Not now, not ever, and especially not in front of this girl, this stranger.
NOTE: some changes have been made to the story that haven't been edited into earlier chapters yet. Here is a list of some of the edits that will be made to previous chapters and will be reflected in the story moving forward:
*Duking is no longer the mayor of Pyrite, though he still holds some less official authority/respect over the citizens.
*The character Livia has been removed from the story entirely. (Most of you are probably thinking, "Who's Livia?" LOL. Exactly.)
*A big Pyrite Colosseum tournament is coming up.
*As reflected in the updated beginning chapters, Wes carries a knife with him.
That is all! Enjoy this chapter! :)
Huge thanks to @kintsugi and @Pen for beta reading this chapter! 💛
Immaculate.
That was the most appropriate word to describe his office. The bleached walls perfectly matched the white tiled floor. Even his desk only held the essentials: a slim white monitor and a stack of files neatly placed in an upper corner.
Ein took a sip of coffee from his mug—also white, to match the rest of his belongings, and without blemish, as all things should be. He scowled down at the cluster of pages before him, the only things that threw off the tidiness of the place. The pages were yellowed with age, smudged and torn in a few places. He suppressed a shudder; he had been less organized back in the day, less precise, less dignified. But as much as the small coffee stain in one corner haunted him with his former imperfections, he pressed on, scanning the words for any sliver of information as he had done countless times before:
Data Entry Log #132
It has been ten days since administration. The results so far have been...poor, to put it simply. Survival rates are failing to improve despite our many adjustments, though at the very least we can say they are remaining at roughly 50%.
Of our 25 subjects, 10 have perished so far, and we expect 2 more to expire in the coming days. Of the expected 13 survivors, all have shown signs of gaining immunity.
This is promising, but it is not enough. We are still unable to replicate the results of our very first test. My partner continues to insist he is replicating the serum exactly as he did the first time, but I still maintain strong suspicions that he is not divulging everything he knows. This is unacceptable.
Until now, I have always been the one possessing every bit of available knowledge on this team. The thought that someone other than myself has a missing part of the equation and refuses to share is...quite infuriating to me. My patience has now worn thin. I will seek to rectify this imbalance as soon as I am able. I had been hopeful about accomplishing this through more diplomatic means, but, regretfully, I may have to resort to more...convincing methods to get the truth out of him. It seems I have no other alternative.
I will not waver, however. This is for the cause.
Ein hissed softly in frustration and set his mug down—delicately, of course, to avoid even one spilled drop. Emotions could be useful, but they could not be allowed to interfere with his constant precision.
Twenty years. Twenty years of this Arceus-damned research, and he was still no closer to the answers he sought. Even now, his partner's foolish morality was determined to haunt him, to hold him back from obtaining more information.
Damn you, Ian—
"EIN!"
Ein tightened his lips at the distant roar. Gods above, of all the days for this buffon to shove his way into his office—
The door burst open and promptly slammed into the wall. Ein raised his eyes to see his visitor and made a mental note to get someone to buff out the scuff marks later.
"Gonzap," he said dryly. "To what do I owe the marvelous pleasure—"
"We had a deal, Ein!" Gonzap bellowed. His face was splotched red with rage—and half-healed burns, too, it seemed. Such unfortunate blemishes on an already incredibly unfortunate face.
"I have no memory of any deal, dearest Gonzap."
"Don't you 'dearest Gonzap' me," the man hissed. He drew himself up to his full height and crossed his arms, evidently trying to appear as large and menacing as possible. Not that it worked; muscles could only get one so far when they were directed by such pitiful intellect. "What the hell is this about not encroaching on Cipher's territory?"
Ah. This was about that. Ein straightened his glasses and cooly returned Gonzap's gaze. "Precisely that. We've decided to neutralize the threat as quickly and quietly as possible. We cannot afford to let that boy live any longer, and that girl—"
"That's not what we agreed on!" Gonzap's veins were popping now. "I told you I wanted to deal with that bastard myself, didn't I?"
"You want him dead, do you not?"
"Hell yes, I do!"
"Then I fail to understand your complaint. Cipher has already set things in motion to have him eliminated."
BAM. Gonzap's massive fist slammed down onto Ein's desk with enough force to rattle the computers and send several papers fluttering to the floor. Ein's mug bounced from the impact and shattered on the floor, spraying its contents in every direction, staining the polished whiteness—
"You said you would give him to me." Gonzap's face was inches from Ein's now and was rapidly transitioning from scarlet to violet. "We made a deal, you filthy lab rat!"
The coffee continued to pool across the white tiles. Ein's temples throbbed.
Rising slowly from his seat, he maintained Gonzap's stare and replied steadily, his tone laced with ice, "I would be careful, dearest Gonzap, of whom you call a 'lab rat' in these parts. I would hate to take your insubordination as an invitation to turn you into one."
Gonzap paused. He curled his lip at the threat, but there was no mistaking the glint of fear in those feral eyes.
He still knew his place, then. A shame, really. He would make a delightful test subject.
Ein straightened his lab coat. "That deal was then, and this is now. The boy has become a much larger nuisance than any of us have anticipated, and considering your remarkable failure to control your subordinates is what created this predicament, we can no longer afford to entertain your vengeful wishes. Not to mention we now have that girl to deal with."
He suppressed a shiver anticipation at the last sentence. That girl. There were far too many coincidences from the reports about her. She had to be the one, and if so…
If so, he could finally get his answers.
A snarl rose from Gonzap's throat, but Ein silenced him with a raised hand. "However," he said curtly, "should he manage to survive our next attempt, I will negotiate with Nascour on your behalf, on the condition that you never show your hideous face in my lab ever again."
Gonzap blinked for a moment, then barked out a harsh laugh. "That all you want? Hell, it would be my damn pleas—"
"In addition," Ein interrupted sharply, "you will provide me with two extra shipments of subjects. Do that for me, and I'll be sure to keep your little traitor alive just long enough for you to have at him."
"Two?" the larger man snapped. "In case you haven't heard, that bastard blew up all our machines!"
"Not all of them, if I've been informed correctly."
"Yeah, genius. He took the last one with him."
"Is that so?" A smirk danced across Ein's lips. "You failed to mention that to Nascour, Gonzap."
All the deep red hues suddenly drained from Gonzap's face. Ein's grin widened.
"I—that's not—that is to say, we planned to get it back—"
"Ah yes, I'm sure you did. How unfortunate it is that you haven't succeeded yet. Not to worry—I'm certain Nascour will be nothing but understanding once I pass this along."
For once, Gonzap was speechless. Ein relished the fear now etched across every line of his face. Ah, few things were sweeter than watching an inferior being quiver with dread…
"Fortunately for you, I'm feeling generous today." Ein straightened the papers on his desk before looking back up at the man, who had now taken a few steps back from Ein's desk. "Once we give you the boy, you will let me have that girl. Alive. You will also supply us with every subject you have left."
"Them Pokémon were supposed to get shipped to the Under—"
"Dearest Gonzap, I am far more of a threat to you than a few black market peddlers. Do not forget what organization this is." He tipped his head back. "The Under belongs to Cipher."
Gonzap swallowed, then dropped his gaze. "Yes."
"You forgot something."
His jaw clenched. "Yes, sir."
Ein smirked again and stood. "Very good. Now, if you excuse me, I have another project to attend to." As he breezed past his subdued foe, he added lightly, "Oh, and please do fetch a peon to clean up this mess of yours. Tell them if I come back to a single stain, they'll become my newest subject."
The door shut behind him in the sputtering Snagem leader's face.
*****
Hey, it's me again, back for another data entry! Ugh, I don't even know what I'm saying. Who am I even talking to? This feels weird. Wes says to just write what we know so far—and that's what I've been doing, but he says little personal notes like this aren't necessary. So I'll try to keep it more straightforward this time. ;D
Progress remains slow, but there's still progress! The Pokémons' auras are getting brighter and brighter every day. I've noticed that the more often they're out of their balls and interacting with others, both people and Pokémon, the calmer their auras are becoming. Even the more antisocial ones like Marlow (Flaaffy) and Nani (Croconaw) appear to be benefiting from it, which is a huge plus!
Training with them has been even more effective. I suspect it's because it gives them an outlet for all of their negative pent-up energy. Duking and Silva have been trying to keep an even rotation with as many of them as possible so they all get some time to train, but it's been tough with so many...At least Wes' team is able to get consistent training in.
Speaking of Wes' team, they're farther along than any of the others at this point—sometimes the dark aura is barely noticeable! I know they've been with us the longest and have had the most training, but I also think a lot of the credit goes to Wes for how gentle he is with them. He'll never admit it, but I think he's actually a bit soft on them. (Don't you dare erase this part, Wes.) ;)
We've been working a lot with Noctowl in particular lately! We've named her Nyra, and I think she'd be a good fit on Wes' team if he decides to take her in. She has a lot of opening up to do, but that's what I said about Maku and Kohna, and now they keep cuddling up to Wes every chance they get. (He likes to pretend it annoys him, but the other day I caught him putting a blanket in his lap just for Maku. I see right through you, Lycas.)
Even Nani is more cooperative than she used to be...well, most of the time, anyway. I think she's even warming up to Neo a little? So I'm sure Nyra will make progress, too. I mean, if Nani can, then I think anybody can, right?
Duking has noticed something that's caused us some concern, though. He says it looks like several of the Pokémon are well past their evolution stage—meaning they should have evolved a long time ago, but they haven't. I hadn't noticed at first, but after he pointed it out, I think he's right: Fi's leaves are wilting, Nani is shedding her scales more than I think is normal, and Kohna will flare up out of nowhere, as if she can't keep all of her fire contained. We suspect this has to do with their unusual condition, but we have no idea what's specifically causing it. I didn't realize this would be such an issue, but according to Duking, it is. I guess it's not healthy for a Pokémon to prolong evolution once they're ready? Now that I think about it, it makes sense. But is it different for the ones that evolve through stones? It must be, because Rika hasn't had any problems and she'll probably never evolve.
And I'm rambling again. Sorry!
Anyway, I think that's all for now. I'll write more if anything changes, or—I hope to Arceus—we find out where this all started. Bye!
P.S. Novo still doesn't like me, but I DID get him to accept a treat from me yesterday. It's a work in progress. :D
Rui set down her pencil and sat back with a sigh. It was an unusually peaceful afternoon in Duking's kitchen. She glanced through the open doorway into the living room, where Neo, Novo and Kohna were curled up together on the couch, fast asleep. Maku was at his usual perch gazing out the window, and even Nani was dozing in a corner.
With the kids all in the cavern working on homework assignments and Duking and Silva at the Colosseum making preparations for the upcoming tournament, the house was unusually quiet and still. The afternoon sunlight filtered in through the windows, illuminating the kitchen in a cozy glow, and in the warm silence, Rui felt a little drowsy herself.
"You finished?" Wes' voice tugged her back from her thoughts of an afternoon nap. He sat adjacent to her at the table, looking at the notebook in her hand.
"Yeah, I think so. Let me know if I missed anything?" Rui handed the notebook over to him.
She watched for his reactions as he read. She noticed him roll his eyes at her small jabs at him, and she couldn't help but grin.
Wes had grown just a little more relaxed around her over the last few weeks, and while Rui was grateful for that, she was becoming more and more aware of just how little she knew about him. He certainly wasn't keen on talking about himself, and none of Rui's attempts to dig deeper seemed to be working.
Back home, it had been easy to develop friendly relationships with her neighbors, the younger kids, the clerk at the supermarket—in Agate, a friendly wave and a smile was always reciprocated, regardless of how familiar you were with the other person. Making friends had never been a struggle for her—until now.
She tried not to pry, as it was clear he was a private person, but her curiosity kept getting the better of her. She'd tried using as many conversation starters she could think of, only to get short, barely helpful responses. Her ears burned as, unbidden, the memory of her last attempt resurfaced:
"So, Wes, where did you get your bike?"
"Had it since I was a kid."
"Really? Did someone give it to you?"
"No. I restored it."
"Oh! So you know your way around bikes and cars, then?"
"Not really."
"Did you just teach yourself how, then?"
"A friend taught me."
"Oh, cool! Who was your friend?"
He hadn't answered that. Other attempts at conversation were about just as successful as the first:
"So, what's with the line on your face?"
"It's a tattoo."
"Wha—really? Why? Is there a reason for it?"
"I was sixteen and an idiot."
She hadn't known how to respond to that, so the conversation had fizzled out.
So here she sat, across from him at the kitchen table, pondering how on earth she could possibly get to know someone who seemed adamant on never opening up.
"I don't see why that's a problem, dear," Beluh had said over the phone one evening. "Some people just like to be private about themselves. Why, old Garlin scarcely says more than ten words to Eagun when we go by the market, and they've been battling together for years."
But that was the problem, Rui thought; even old man Garlin had friends, yet Wes seemed bent on not making any friends at all. But hadn't he claimed to have friends who helped him steal the Snag Machine? Where were they? What sort of people were they? What sort of person was he, for crying out loud?
She rested her chin in her palm and observed him as he flipped through the pages of the notebook. The sunlight through the kitchen window settled on his shoulders, outlining him in rays of gold. She found herself taking note of the way his hair, perpetually messy and wild as it was, overlapped in silvery waves and framed his face, contrasting with his tan complexion. The windswept look suited him, especially considering how much time he likely spent flying across the desert in that motor-
Wes raised his head and locked eyes with hers, and Rui suddenly realized just how long she'd been staring.
Her face flooded with heat. She tore her gaze away from him, but not before she caught him raising an eyebrow at her.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said hurriedly.
She could practically hear his frown. "Doesn't seem like nothing."
She'd always been such a pathetic liar, and Wes was far too good at detecting falsehoods. Say something.
"What's, um..." Come on, Rui. She forced herself to meet his eyes again.
"What's your favorite color?" she blurted.
That was it? That was the best you could do?
Wes fixed her with a blank stare. Rui was endlessly grateful he couldn't hear her internal screaming.
"What?"
"What's your favorite color?" she insisted. "Everybody has one. Mine's purple."
"That's what you wanted to know?"
She didn't trust herself to sound convincing, so she just nodded.
"For gods' sakes, Rui." Wes shook his head and returned his gaze to the pages on the table. "I thought it was something serious with how long it took you to say something."
Mew's marbles. He'd noticed. He had noticed her staring. Rui forced a laugh and resisted the urge to lock herself in the nearest closet for the next thirty years.
"W-well, you still didn't answer my question!"
Wes shrugged. "Don't have one."
"What?" Rui blinked at him, still attempting to shove down her embarrassment. Thank the gods he wasn't looking at her night now, her face felt so red. "Come on, everybody has a favorite color."
"Apparently not. I don't have one."
"There's not one that makes you think of...I don't know, good memories or something?"
"Why do you care?" Wes' eyes snapped back up to hers as an edge crept into his tone. Rui flinched a little at the flare of hostility.
"I—I was just curious, that's all!" she said hastily. "I just...wanted to get to know you better. As a friend."
There was silence for a moment. Rui found herself unable to hold his intense gaze and instead glanced about the kitchen. Great, now she'd made things awkward. Why had she bothered to say anythi—oh, right. Because she'd been staring. By Celebi, she was such a hopeless case—
"Are we friends?"
Surprised, Rui looked at him again. The question had been blurted out so...innocently. The look on Wes' face was one she hadn't seen before: rather than his usual somewhat sour expression, he wore a look of surprised curiosity. With his head tilted slightly to the side, he almost looked like Neo or Novo whenever they were confused. It was a look she'd never seen on him before.
She bubbled out a laugh—not a forceful effort to hide her disgrace like the last one, but a genuine one—and playfully slugged him in the shoulder. "Of course we are, you moron!"
Wes stared at her, completely bewildered. He glanced at his shoulder, then back at her. "The hell was that for?"
Rui froze. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"
Wes spluttered in indignation. "Did it hu—for Mew's sake, that was the most pathetic punch I've ever felt. No, it didn't hurt." He sounded downright offended that she'd thought she could injure him.
She blinked. Clearly, Wes had never engaged in this kind of banter before. "It was a joke. You know, like a playful jab?"
He looked at her like she'd sprouted a second head. "What, you hit people for fun?"
She sputtered. "Wh—not like that! It's harmless. Teasing, you know?"
"No, I don't," he said flatly. He looked her up and down, then added quite matter-of-factly, "You're weird as hell."
Rui let out a guffaw of laughter at that comment. His brutal honesty was refreshing, even if it sometimes came at her expense. Not that she minded being called "weird" in the first place; while it bothered her when she was younger, after years of strange looks and classmates calling her "that aura girl", she'd decided to embrace it as a compliment anyway.
"Yeah, okay, I'm weird," she chuckled as her laughter subsided. "I'm just trying to teach you how to have fun. Is that so bad?"
Wes frowned—apparently, he didn't have an immediate response to that. He looked as though he was working on coming up with a reply when a muffled shout came from the direction of the cavern.
What was—?
Wes was instantly on his feet and heading through the kitchen. Rui followed suit, her laughter immediately vanishing in a new sense of urgency. As they burst through Duking's office towards the secret door, the voices became more and more distinct.
"I don't care what you think!" Lon's voice was fierce, echoing off the stone walls as they entered the room. "I think it's stupid!"
Rui stepped into the room just behind Wes and flinched at the blazing, aggressive auras that immediately assaulted her sight.
"You're stupid!" Marci fired back. "Everybody needs to know how to read, and you promised my dad you would try!"
Secc, who was the only one actually sitting at the table they used for homework, glanced up from his book and threw Wes and Rui a desperate look that plainly read, 'please help me'. Marci and Lon had risen from their seats and were exchanging shouts across the table.
"Yeah?" Lon sneered. "Well, your dad's a prude!"
Secc's gaze snapped over to Lon. "Hey," he said in a low voice, "don't talk about our dad like that."
"Why?" Lon rounded on him, his sneer turning into a snarl. "Don't like it? Well, it's true! You're all prudes!"
Secc slid his bookmark in his book and set it delicately on the table; a simple gesture, yet he managed to do so in a marvelously threatening manner.
Marci slammed her hands down on the table. "Listen, greasewad!" she spat. "Call my dad that one more time and I'll break your teeth!"
Lon stared at her for a moment; Rui wasn't sure if he was baffled by her bold threat or if he was still processing the insult "greasewad."
"All right, that's enough, all of you." Rui stepped in with her hands out in an effort to calm the raging atmosphere. "Everybody needs to calm down—"
"He's the one who started it!" Marci pointed accusingly at Lon. "He's been nothing but mean ever since you guys brought him here!"
She wasn't entirely wrong; Lon had made it clear he wanted no part in their gatherings and usually kept to himself with his Pokémon. While he seemed to enjoy his pickpocketing missions, he was quick to slide in a snide comment under his breath whenever receiving coaching from Wes, and Rui suspected the only reason he even half-heartedly agreed to take some online classes was because, despite Duking's generosity and kindness, the man still intimidated him.
"So what?" Lon snapped.
"'So what?' We gave you a place to stay and food to eat and we've been nothin' but nice to you, and you've just been a slimy little-"
"Marci, stop," Rui said sternly. She moved a little closer to the table to look the girl in the eyes. "This isn't helping anyth-"
"No, let her finish!" Lon barked. "Go on, say it, Princess!"
Wes groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh, for the love of—"
"Alright, I will!" Marci shouted. She balled her hands into fists, her face red with fury. "I hate you! You talk big and think you're all that, but you're nothing special! You're just a leech!"
"What did you just call me?"
In an instant, Lon had a Pokéball in his hand, and Rui felt her stomach drop. "Lon, please, you wouldn't—"
"YOU THINK I WON'T?" Lon roared. "TRY ME, THEN!"
And before anyone could stop him, he threw the Pokéball to the floor.
Rui's breath caught in her throat.
She hadn't actually seen Lon's third Pokémon before; she'd only ever seen him let his Azurill and Igglybuff out of their balls, and at meal times he'd always made a point to feed his team somewhere privately...and she now understood why.
Sickly black aura flickered around the Slugma, swirling like an eerie specter. The Fire-type gurgled, flames bubbling from his mouth, and Rui had the horrifying realization that Lon wouldn't be able to stop him if he decided to erupt-
"Enough!"
The cold fury in Wes' shout sent chills down Rui's spine. He pushed himself past both Rui and Marci, and with a flick of his wrist and the flash of a Pokéball, Novo was immediately at his heels.
Wes rounded on Lon, his eyes blazing with a ferocity Rui had never seen before, his posture rigid with tense anger. "You make even one move, kid, and you'll have to answer to me!"
At this, Novo stepped in front of his trainer and stared hard at the Slugma, rings pulsing ominously.
Lon wilted under the heat of Wes' angry stare, but maintained a degree of defiance. "D-don't tell me what to do!"
"Don't threaten us with your Pokémon, then!" Wes spat. He towered over the boy as blue flames of aura lashed upwards and danced around him, their brightness reflecting his rage. "You call yourself a trainer?"
Lon took a step back; behind him, his Slugma made himself taller and gurgled out a sound that was somewhere between a hiss and a sputter, his black aura spiking at every movement. Novo tensed at this, a growl rising in his throat.
Rui's chest tightened with alarm. "Lon, call off your—"
"I am a trainer!" Lon clenched his fists, ignoring her altogether. "I have a team—"
"I don't give a damn!" Wes roared. "If all you use them for is to intimidate defenseless kids, then you're no better than a common thug! Is that what you want?"
The Slugma quivered. Steam hissed from his body, dark shadows swelled at every shout that echoed off the cavern walls, threatening to burst—
Rui clenched her teeth and seized Wes by the arm, yanking him back a step. "Stop it, both of you! Lon, call off your Pokémon!"
Wes flashed her a furious glare. "Rui, stay the hell out of—"
"That Slugma's one of them, Wes!"
He and Lon froze. Rui heard Marci gasp. Rui glanced at the girl and her brother and hastily gestured for them to leave; they scurried off quickly through the secret door.
Lon slowly looked over his shoulder and paled at the sight of his quivering Slugma.
Wes spoke in a low voice. "Call it off. Now."
For once, Lon didn't need to be told twice. He fumbled with his Pokéball, and only after the Slugma disappeared did Rui exhale shakily.
Wes leveled his gaze, and Rui was sure the quiet fire in his eyes would melt Lon on the spot then and there. "Where. In the hell. Did you get that thing."
Lon stumbled backwards, clutching the Pokéball tightly to his chest. "N-none of your business!" He boldly returned Wes' glare, but failed to hide the tremor in his voice.
"I won't ask again, kid!"
"He—he was given to me, okay? I got him for doin' a favor for somebody, that's all!" He retreated a few more steps. "But you can't take him! He's mine!"
"You're out of your damn mind if you think I'm gonna let you keep it!" Wes snapped. "Hand it over! Now!"
"No!"
"Lon, please, that Pokémon is dangerous!" Rui said. "We can help—"
"NO!" Lon clasped the ball in both hands and squeezed it so tightly his knuckles turned white.
"Lon—"
"I NEED HIM, OKAY?"
Lon's voice broke as tears spilled down his cheeks. "I n-n-need him—he's the only one strong enough to battle, 'cause Mimi and Ozzie are just babies an' I need money to feed em, and—and—" He sniffed and wiped at his tears with a shaking hand. "An' when this gig is over, I'll still need him!"
Wes paused and took a step back, the hostility draining from his face. He ran a hand sheepishly through his hair and appeared unsure of what to say.
Rui stepped ahead of him. Lon flinched and shrank back as he approached.
"Lon," she said softly, "do you think we're going to kick you out once this mission is over?"
Lon blinked and sniffed again. "Aren't you?"
"No." She crouched in front of him. "Why would Duking want you to take classes if he was just going to throw you back on the streets after all this?"
"But…" The boy glanced from her to Wes in disbelief. "Wh-why'd he want me?"
"You're a good kid," Rui said gently. "And Duking sees that. What's important is that you're not going to have to worry about Mimi or Ozzie while you're with us, okay? You're all safe here."
He stared at her for a moment. "An-an Mel, too?"
"Your Slugma?"
He nodded.
Rui smiled and reached out her hand. Lon paused, then took it, and she gave him a reassuring squeeze. Merciful Celebi, he was just a child, and the kind of life he'd had to live already...had Wes had to grow up like this, too?
"Your Slugma will be safe, too...but we need you to let us take a look at him, okay? He's sick, like all the other Pokémon you've been helping us find." She looked into those frightened eyes. "Can you do that for us?"
He tensed. "Do I still get to keep him?"
She glanced at Wes, who had narrowed his eyes at the question, then back to Lon. "You can keep him, but he'll have to stay under supervision, okay? No battling or sending him out without someone else until he's better."
Lon looked down at the ball in his hand. "You promise you'll make him better?"
Rui's stomach clenched. Could she promise that? She thought of Maku, Kohna, Nani. They were recovering, that was for certain...but was there a permanent solution? A real cure? They hadn't found one yet...gods, they hadn't found anything yet...
Still, she met the boy's gaze. "Yes," she said fervently. "I promise."
For a couple beats, Lon didn't move. He looked at the Pokéball for a minute, chewing his lip, until he slowly handed it out to her. She gently took it from him, and even through the ball, she could feel the hot aggression pouring out from within.
Rui gave him another soft smile. "Thank you, Lon." She rose to her feet. "Why don't you head to the kitchen to get something to eat? Wes and I will be right behind you."
He nodded and, after glancing at Mel's Pokéball one more time, shuffled out of the room.
"Did you really mean that?"
Rui turned to Wes and found him frowning at her. "Of course I meant it," she said. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, for one thing, we don't know if we can cure all these Pokémon." He nodded at the ball in her hand. "And for another, how do you know Duking won't just toss him out?"
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you think he would? Besides, he made this cave in hopes of helping Pyrite kids one day, remember?"
"Sure, but he can't stay here forever. And you didn't answer my first point."
"I—I know." Rui dropped her gaze. Novo, no longer needing to be on guard, had settled himself contentedly at Wes' feet and looked ready for his afternoon nap, yawning widely.
Surely these Pokémon had been just like Novo, once; normal, healthy, mentally sound. There had to be a way to get them back to that state. And Wes had a point; generous as Duking was, Lon probably wouldn't be able to stay forever. But where else could he go? Certainly not back to the streets…
This whole town is such a mess, she thought. She was beginning to understand Sherles' weariness.
She looked back up at Wes and held Mel's Pokéball out to him. "We don't have any answers yet, but we will. They're out there somewhere, and we'll find them."
Wes took the ball with a slight shake of his head. She knew that look: even if he had a retort, he wasn't going to say it. Rui took a deep breath, forced a smile, and made her way to the door.
"Let's eat, I'm starving!"
*****
Even after many questions, Lon hadn't been able to tell them much, except for a vague description of the man's orange hair and that he went by the name "B." Apparently, he had approached the boy near a bar off main street that was common Valor territory, and the "favor" he'd asked of Lon was to smuggle a handful of weapons from Mystic's base in exchange for a "special Pokémon." When Rui expressed her horror that anyone would ask a child to do something so dangerous, Wes had merely shrugged and said, "Street kids are the safest bet. To them, they're expendable."
Rui wasn't sure what was more disturbing: the fact that Wes was probably right, or the matter-of-fact which way in which he said it.
With such little information to go off of, Wes had suggested they look for Cail, the green-haired young man they'd ran into on their first day in Pyrite. While Rui wasn't overly fond of the idea, Wes argued that someone like Cail, who prided himself on being well-connected, would be their best bet for getting more leads.
And yet, oddly, Cail was nowhere to be found in his regular haunts, and by late afternoon they'd made little progress. Rui heaved a sigh and slumped in her seat. They were in a dingy old restaurant—or something that vaguely resembled a restaurant, anyway—but they'd come here more for respite from the heat than for the food. She'd peered curiously at the menu, but Wes swore up and down that they were much better off without ordering anything.
"Trust me on this," he'd said flatly, "You don't want anything from here. Last time we were here Neo was sick for like a week."
"But you didn't get sick?"
"I didn't get anything." At her questioning look, he simply shrugged. "Couldn't afford it, and they needed it more than me."
Ah. Rui didn't know what to say to that. How often, she'd wondered, had he been forced to make the choice between feeding his Pokémon or himself?
Wes opened a map on his PDA and searched for their next place to look. Rui took to staring out the grimy window, lost in thought, as the minutes trickled by. She had no idea how much time had passed when Wes asked her a question that jolted her out of her daze.
"It was a Skitty, wasn't it?"
Rui nearly jumped out of her skin. She threw him a bewildered look. "Wh-what?"
"Your starter," he said. "Was it a Skitty?"
She forced herself to hold his penetrating gaze but couldn't hide her shock. "You—how did you know that?"
Wes nodded at something over her shoulder. Rui followed his gaze, though she already knew what he was referring to; she'd noticed the small gang of kids lounging outside the restaurant almost an hour ago, though it hadn't been the kids that held her attention.
"One of those kids has a Skitty. You've been staring at him for the last half-hour."
Rui felt a bit of heat rush to her face, unrelated to the harsh sun they'd been standing under all afternoon. Had she really been that obvious?
She fidgeted in her seat. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything, though," she said defensively. She hastily searched for something—anything—to say that would change the subject, but Wes was undeterred.
"It's a simple question. You had a Skitty, didn't you?" he said bluntly.
Sweet Celebi, even while she was actively avoiding his eyes, she could still feel that burning stare. Images flashed through her mind, ones that she'd spent years trying to bury: an empty street at night, the white cobblestones glowing under the streetlights; cold laughter from the shadows; her mother's panicked voice and the sound of her own screams-
Forget. Forget. Forget. She was supposed to forget.
"Rui?"
She almost jumped at the sound of her name. She blinked at Wes across the table, who was now frowning at her. Oh, gods, she'd spaced out once again, and now he was looking at her like that, and was he going to ask more questions?
Nothing is wrong. You're fine. She sat up straighter and forced a bright smile. You're fine.
"Yeah, I had a Skitty." She quietly took another shaky breath. "Her name was Daisy."
"Daisy, huh?" Wes sat back in his seat and idly folded his arms. "Why that name?"
She shrugged. "It's my favorite flower. Couldn't think of anything else, I guess."
Wes gave a mocking snort. "And yet you lecture me about unoriginal names."
Rui laughed a little. "Okay, come on, cut me some slack! I was ten." In an attempt to lighten the mood, she threw him what she hoped was a convincing grin. "Besides, it could have been worse. I could have gone with...I dunno...Skitters or something."
"I see nothing wrong with that name."
"Okay, now I can't tell if you're being serious or not."
Wes' eyes met hers, and for just a moment, Rui thought she caught the tiniest hint of a smile. But then he turned his head to look out the window, and she found herself wondering if she'd seen it at all.
"So," he said, "how did you manage to get a Pokémon in the first place? I can't imagine Agate has a Skitty colony."
Rui looked at him for a moment. This was...different from the conversations they'd previously had. She was trying to put her finger on it when it suddenly hit her.
Her smile widened. "You have a lot of questions today." Usually she was the one asking.
Wes shifted a little and shot her a small frown. "So?"
"It's not a bad thing!" she said quickly. "It's just, well...not your usual."
"...Oh." He relaxed a little at that. Then, with a smirk, he said, "Just trying to get to know you better, as a friend. Is that so bad?"
"Ooooh." Rui raised her eyebrows and leaned in, planting her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her palms. "Did I hear that right? Did you actually admit we're friends?"
"No. I just quoted you."
"Oh, get over yourself, Lycas. You totally just said we were friends."
"When the hell did you start calling me 'Lycas'?"
"Since we became friends, I guess!"
He rolled his eyes. "Gods. It was a joke."
"Right, right, we're just chatting and joking around. Wanna know what that's called?"
"A waste of time?"
"It's called friendship, moron."
"Sure." Wes pushed himself up from his seat and gestured for her to follow. "But we have been here too long. Let's head to the battle square and see if we can find Cail there."
"Alright, good plan." Rui followed Wes out the door. "But don't think I didn't notice you changing the subject."
"Technically, you changed the subject. You never answered my question about where you got your Skitty."
"Oh—right!" Rui blinked in the harsh sunlight that greeted them and stepped up beside Wes. "Well, it's not that exciting. Mom was from Hoenn, and she managed to call in a favor with an old friend. That's how I got Daisy."
Rui tipped her head back to look up at the sky—it was lovely today, a crisp, bright blue that contrasted with the red plateaus around them. Growing up in Agate, surrounded by retired trainers and their teams, she'd thought it was normal to see Pokémon everywhere she went, even if there weren't any wild ones to speak of. She hasn't realized what the lack of wild Pokémon would have meant for the rest of Orre.
"You were lucky, then," Wes said. His eyes were scanning the streets as they walked, his gaze sharp and attentive.
Rui nodded. "Yeah. I didn't realize it before, but...I do now." She paused and spared him a nervous glance. "Um, Wes? Where did everyone here get their Pokémon, then? Do you...do you think they were stolen?"
"Probably," he replied evenly. "Most of them, at least. If they weren't stolen from someone directly, then they probably got them from the black market in the Under."
The Under. Despite the afternoon heat, Rui had to suppress a shiver. She'd only heard stories of the city that lay at the depths of Pyrite Canyon, so far underground that sunlight never reached it. Once, old man Grover had told her there were still reports of Noctis circulating in the deepest slums of the city, and that the place was so eternally filthy they could never hope to eradicate the virus completely. Beluh had scolded him for trying to scare her, and promptly told Rui that it was no good to put stock in such rumors.
But whether or not the rumors were true, it never changed one thing that even Rui knew for certain: nothing good ever came from the Under.
"Do people from the Under come up here often, then?" She tried to mask her unease with a conversational tone.
Wes shook his head. "The opposite, usually. Pyrite citizens will take trips down there to find what they need. It's where all the shops around town get their supply of merchandise, and the Under gets it from other regions. Smuggling or something, probably."
"Oh." Rui looked at the ground and pondered for a moment. A question was nagging at the back of her mind, but she wasn't sure if she dared ask it: How did you get your Pokémon?
She threw Wes a nervous glance, but he was still scanning the area as they walked, evidently unfazed by their conversation. She could ask him...but he'd probably close himself off again if she did. Perhaps she would save it for later.
Besides, she was sure the answer wouldn't be anything sinister—maybe he got Neo and Novo from a friend, or maybe Sherles helped Wes get them when he started volunteering. There were other ways to get Pokémon aside from The Under, after all.
An idea sparked. "Wait—could that be where the savage Pokémon are coming from, then?" she said suddenly.
Wes mulled this idea over for a moment. "It's...definitely possible, but I'm not sure. For one thing, the market in The Under distributes to all of Orre—we've only heard of them appearing here and in Phenac so far. And for another…" He paused briefly before continuing, "The Under gets most, if not all, of their Pokémon from Snagem. And as far as I know, Snagem never experimented on Pokémon."
Right. Wes didn't talk about it much, so it was easy to forget just how much he knew about the inner workings of Snagem, Orre's dark underbelly. Rui repressed another shudder; she couldn't imagine the things he must have seen, working undercover in those kinds of places…
"What was it like?" The question slipped out before she gave herself time to reconsider it. Wes turned his head to raise an eyebrow at her, and she added hastily, "Working in Snagem, I mean."
A shadow passed over Wes' face. Rui noticed his eyes resting on the Snag Machine for a moment before he bit out a reply. "Miserable."
The bitterness in his voice was strong enough to make her wince. "I bet," she said softly. When Wes didn't reply, she added, "I'm...sorry you had to experience that."
He merely shrugged, and the conversation lapsed into silence. Rui mentally kicked herself. So much for being careful, stupid.
"It's blue, by the way."
Wes' voice was so quiet, she almost didn't hear him. She frowned at him in confusion. "Huh?"
"My favorite color." He shifted a little, his eyes focused straight ahead as the battle square came into view. "You asked earlier, and...it's blue."
Rui blinked, then slowly smiled. "Blue, huh? Like...this color?" She pointed at his coat.
He glanced down, then nodded.
"Hm. That's a nice color! It suits you," she said.
This time he did look at her, with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"Yes! It's a Wes color."
He snorted and shook his head, and this time, Rui really did see it: a tiny smile, just barely noticeable enough to be called one, tugging at the corners of his mouth. She almost pointed this out to him—then thought better of it. She wanted that smile to last as long as possible.
They fell silent, but this time Rui didn't feel any urge to break it. She leaned back against the wall behind them and looked skywards with a small smile. Was it just her, or was the sky even more beautiful than it was before…?
"Look, it's the guy who still owes me a battle!"
Rui turned her head to see precisely who they were looking for: Cail, trudging over from the other side of the square, eyes on Wes and wearing that same crooked grin. Another trainer, tall and lanky with a pair of harsh eyes like a Swellow's, followed just behind him, an Abra curled atop his shoulders.
Wes rolled his eyes. "Looking to continue your losing streak, then?" He shot Rui a sideways glance, and she knew they were both thinking the same thing. It's like he was waiting for us here.
Cail and his companion stopped just a few feet short of the pair. Ignoring Wes' jibe, he looked down at Rui and grinned wider. "And hey, you still have Carrot-top with you!"
Rui only just managed to mask her glare. "I'd rather my hair look like carrots than seaweed," she said evenly.
The other trainer barked out a laugh and clapped Cail on the shoulder. "Oooh, man, you gonna need a Burn Heal for that?" he asked mockingly.
"Shut up, Calda," said Cail, though his tone remained light.
And yet...Rui took a closer look at the rogue trainer. His tone was perfectly casual, that lackadaisical grin of his the same as usual, but they did not match the quivering, stuttering patterns in his aura.
He's...afraid. The hairs on the back or Rui's neck stood up. Afraid of what? Of Wes? But he hadn't been this way the first time they'd met, and he most certainly wasn't afraid of her…
Cail smirked at Wes. "Damn, she bites now. They grow up so fast." That grin of his would have been perfectly convincing if not for the shiver that rippled through the flames of his aura.
"What do you want?" Wes asked frostily.
"Well, normally I'd say I want a battle, but...not this time." Cail tipped his head back and shoved his hands in the pocket of his cargo pants, but Rui was focused on the flickering of his aura, which danced nervously like fire in the wind. "I'm here to talk business. But it ain't a conversation for this kind of place."
Wes' gaze hardened and he folded his arms. "Funny you should say that, as we have some questions for you ourselves." He glanced at Cail's companion. "But I'd rather you talk to us here or not at all. I'm not interested in meeting you in some shady corner."
Cail shrugged. "Thought you'd say that." He turned to Calda.
"Do it."
The other trainer moved so quickly Rui barely had time to see what he was doing. She caught a glimpse of him reaching up to his Abra, his lips forming a command, and then there was a flash of light, she heard Wes shout something—
A strange, eerie sensation enveloped her. It was cold, unpleasant, and sent shivers down her spine. Rui's limbs felt glued to her sides, white light blinded her from all sides, and she felt as though something invisible was squeezing around her middle, driving the air out her lungs so that she couldn't breathe, let alone scream—
Pop!
Color exploded back into Rui's vision as the ground became solid beneath her feet once more. The abrupt change was so jarring she stumbled and would have fallen had Wes not grabbed her by the arm to hold her steady.
Head reeling, Rui gripped his sleeve tightly and tried to make sense of what had just happened. They were now inside what looked like an abandoned warehouse of some sort, the tiles chipped and cracking, debris and empty boxes littering the floor and old, broken vending machines lining the walls.
"Cail!" Wes roared. He pushed in front of her, and with a flick of his wrist, sent three Pokéballs out on the floor. The light faded to reveal Maku, Kohna, and Novo, each of them immediately tensing into battle-ready stances upon release. Neo and Nani's Pokéballs were also poised in his hand, ready to be unleashed at any moment.
"You've got ten seconds to tell me what the hell is going on!" There was a look in Wes' eyes that Rui had never seen, an almost feral ferocity that made her chest tighten with fear. He took another step forward and raised a knife—a knife, a knife, where in Celebi's name did he get a knife—as his Pokémon flanked him on either side, replicating his fury with growls of their own.
"I wouldn't be so hasty, if I were you, kid." Another voice spoke from the shadows of the dimly lit room, and as the stranger stepped forward, Rui tightened her grip on Wes' coat in horror; there was no mistaking that unnerving voice, that brightly colored hair, and suddenly she was back in the burlap sack again, choking between shouts and sobs and gasping for air in the stifling heat—
Trudly tipped his head back and looked her dead in the eyes, lips curling over chipped teeth in a taunting sneer.
Okokok, so I'm halfway through Change of Plans now, and I have to say: Wes is the embodiment of the 2000s action hero. Oh god. That opening scene. I could almost feel the blocky, jrpg-like glory coming off the pages.
(Ok, so I've watched the Colloseum opening scene now, and I have to say, your version is 10 times better. Not only did it make Wes way less creepy, you've somehow managed to up the cheese factor - which is really good)
And then the part where he's about to turn away when Rui is being kidnapped? That would have made a young Bruce Willis proud.
The angst with the nightmares? I dig it. 100% sold on Wes.
Then the dynamic between Rui and Wes? Somehow what I expected from the genre of the game (and from a blue eyed girl with red hair in pigtails), but thanks to you she is way less obnoxious than she could have been.
You gave both your protags a memorable, but not too distracting personality. Their archetypes in the games both remind me of Final Fantasy stereotypes. And while those are nice to look at, they are incredibly annoying in the long run. But with Wes and Rui I have no issue hanging out.
Let see how much of this fic I can cover. I have 2h of car-rides now every day. I think I know what that will be :)
Alright, Hello Hello! I'm here to dive into OSAS and I'm going to lump my thoughts for the first four chapters together, as I think they read as a solid opening "arc" or introduction to what we have going on in this fic. Also, I'm sure you've heard quite enough about the first chapter on its own, so let's go beyond that, shall we?
I'll preface my comments by saying I have no prior knowledge of Orre or the Colosseum games. OSAS will be my guide to the region, the games, and the characters. This isn't the first time this has happened either (I had a conveniently Sinnoh-shaped gap in my pokemon-game playing experience that was filled by a fic until getting my hands on a copy of Pearl but I digress). So, that being said, I'm probably going to have some very newbie questions about a few things, but overall I'd say things are clearly laid out within the framework of the fic itself, and I'd say prior knowledge of the games isn't necessary to enjoy this story (if anyone was on the fence about reading).
Let's get started! Opening line is on point, love it so much. And then right off the bat we start things with a bang, literally. There's a lot of chaos and a lot of questions, but it's clear we've got our protagonist on our hand burning some literal bridges. Wes gets the very "cool guys don't look at explosions" treatment here, but who doesn't love a man who can get his hands dirty? He's got two very handsome sidekicks with him and immediately we get the flavors of their personality from the first glimpse. Jumping a bit ahead, but I want to dote on how well you've characterized Neo and Novo, playing off their clearly opposite eeveelutions with plenty of differences and enough similarities that they do read as brothers and not just "two conveniently chosen pokemon types". They are absolutely stars of this fic, and the little POV segments in chapter 5 were a surprise but also a treat. It really hammered home all of the characterization the fic had set up thus far, and that segment was basically the cherry on top of a wonderfully sweet characterization sundae.
Back to the first chapter with a little bit of confusion on my part with who was who, exactly. The former-boss-who-shall-not-be-named does get a name in chapter 2 I think, with the reference to the skarmory feather knife Wes carries. Not sure if the lack of naming Gonzap in chapter 1 is intentional? I'm guessing we're supposed to infer it's the skarmory that chased after Wes whose feather that is, and that means Wes's knife is a symbol of his former life, but for being so important to Wes's past, it was kind of surprising Gonzap's name was dropped so casually and after the fact. This is probably also me trying to puzzle out who these characters are without having any prior game knowledge, so not sure if that's just a me-thing or not.
Another little bit that I'm actually curious about is in the Colosseum games, do you actually get to travel the desert yourself on Wes's motorcycle? Or do you just kind of "load" into different areas of interest? I was wondering b/c of the interesting framework of the fic set around Orre's barren design. Lots of nothing dotted with important landmarks, so time is spent at a landmark, or riding across the desert. Is that how the game plays out, too? It certainly works as part of the flow of the fic. The desert rides seem to be these breathers in between the action at any particular stop, and even leaves time for introspection and musings by the characters during a time they normally wouldn't be able to talk much (with the wind and the sand and all that engine noise). It's like taking the loading screens and making them part of the narrative, and I like that a lot.
Speaking of characters and musings, let's get into Wes and Rui (oh and opposites again huzzah!) Wes himself is the right amount of anti-hero and paranoid former criminal I would expect. Also a solidly nice guy but don't say that to his face. And then Rui, sweet Rui, who as Wes notices, sticks out like a sore thumb from just about every aspect of Orre he can think of. (At this point I'm almost convinced she's from another dimension b/c pokemon can do that if it really wants to). She's bubbly to his broody, inquisitive to his stoic, inexperienced to his grizzled desert veteran status, it's such a great play between them, and watching them react to things that the other does is the real magic. I especially like it when one does something the other doesn't expect, and it throws them for a loop. Nothing like strangers making assumptions about each other and being proven wrong. Right now we've gotten the basic gist of each character, but there's hints for the reader that there's also things *we* don't know about them, something that they keep closely guarded and, well, as fics go, will probably get ripped out and thrown into the open for all to see. (Which, to me, also reads as stuff that never really cropped up in the games, and to see where you take their canon information and run with it is such a treat).
There's a little bit of this opening set of chapters that feels very "gameplay", a convenient snap decision that bounces them from one location to another. I think the one that felt a little odd is Rui's insistence to speak to the mayor right after being rescued by Wes. I never got the impression the mayor was actually a resource for reporting trouble, or that there event was any sort of useful local government in Orre in the first place. Orre has always seemed sort of "lawless" to me. Like, you can't go around kidnapping people, but at the same time probably not a lot of police or govt to protect people. Feels like vigilantism would be rampant, but maybe that's part of Rui's naivete in play here. Also felt sort of convenient that the train car diner Wes takes shelter in after the bombing would also be the place that just so happens to have pokeballs for Rui later. Again, this is probably some game-logic in play here, following the storyline, but my first impression of the diner was that it was a place Wes found while passing through and we probably wouldn't see it again. I was pleasantly wrong about that, and it went from "convenient landmark" to a sort of "home base" for Wes. Makes me wonder if we'll go back there any more after this or not.
Plenty of humor in this for sure, especially in Wes's dry musings and interactions with Neo and Novo. It's so clear the bond between them and Wes is so, so tight. Makes me curious about their history together. Rui, too, is a delight, especially for how open she is with her emotions vs Wes's guarded nature, and how she's prying him out of his shell just a bit, even if he's kicking and screaming the whole way. You can tell there's plenty of room for growth for the both of them, and that's exciting!
I already took a peek at the next chapter, so I know shit is about to hit the fan (also I legit squealed when
Mirror B
showed up. He's the only Orre character I actually know ) But I really look forward to how this fic builds upon the solid foundation these first few chapters have set up. I know once I read a bit more I'll begin to wonder where this "retelling" stays on the rails of canon, and where it diverges, just for my own curiosity. Does it take a right turn and never look back? Or does it crisscross with the game's story in convenient places, only to swerve off again and again? I think this is the real magic of writing "canon compliant" stuff. The "what ifs" and the expansion of what we already know to fill in those delicious, juicy worldbuilding holes that Gamefreak and TPC have conveniently left us. Can't wait to read more.
One final note on some prose and minor editing stuff. I've noticed a bit of word/phrase repetition here and there, as well as a good number of epithets that probably don't need to be there. Using proper names for people and pokemon might feel clunky (ie the avoiding repetition thing) but really they're as "invisible" as words like "the" and "and". Working through an epithet in an action scene definitely is tougher than reading "Wes". Then again, these are the first chapters and like most fics, I imagine the overall flow and prose of your writing is improving constantly. I'll keep an eye out for these things moving forward, but my guess is they'll iron themselves out over time.
Ok, so due to headache only nibbled a bit today, but:
- Why do I get the impression that the mayor looks like every mayor from the Harvest Moon games ever? Also, having them go to the mayor's house and walz straight in is something that again reminds me a lot of jrpgs. Like, this is my first exposure to Colloseum or any pokemon game outside the main line games for the handhelds, so I will look in awe at every minute detail that I think is different in the storytelling.
- I think they just met Sephiroth in the street. Also, yes Wes, I'm very sure you will never ever have to get to know this character - or any one like this. Never.
- Wes describing Johto as this wonderful place made me unjustifiedly proud. Like, I mainly write about Johto and I'm like: "It's a damn nice place I have here, right?!"
- Your "Why not read...?" meme made me very interested in Rui now.
- Oh, also, the voice that narrates your fic is very polite and spells out abbreviations. Hence why Espeon is the snobbiest little brat ever, constantly telling Wes "Especially, Especially, Especially!"
- For all the over-the-top-ness of the setting, when Rui and Wes interact, they are very down to earth. I like that a lot. I like down to earthness
So, now I'm at the beginning of Lockdown
- I can't even begin to tell you how much I loved "Questions". I like slow and talky chapters, both to write and to read. You did a really good job showcasing the stances of everyone involved. But especially the great Nio. What a lovely prick.
- I am now also 100% sold on Rui. She comes off a bit hyper in the first parts, but here her - let's say "long-term-writing personality" - and other layers really show and they are very nice. Which makes me root for both protags equally, which is never a bad sign :D
- Mister Afro had his intro and the Google Voice I use matches his effeminate way to talk perfectly. His introduction is about perfect - for an antagonist in a video game. I don't know if one would set up the villain like this if aiming first and foremost for a written medium. But that's the crux with novelization and I'm sure these issues will fade over time, as you diverge from the story a bit more and all.
- This is also where I still have to get used to the strangeness of the setting. Whenever Rui and Wes talk or have an internal monologue, it feels so real and relatable. And then the craziness of the setting hits and it almost feels like whiplash. But I guess I'll get used to it over time.
- I liked how Wes used his Snag-Gear as a defense against the Makuhita. Not only did he look cool doing so, he looked clever.
- Now about Wes lying to Rui. Now I get at least half of the discussion about a month ago about the Liar-Revealed trope. And I was of course a bit cautious and biased when I realised the issue was coming up. The scene was really nice and I like how Rui straight up called him out on his inconsistencies. And I understand why Wes would lie to her to protect himself. But from all I've seen of them so far, there's still one last part in me that says "He could have told her the truth". Judging from their relationship so far and everything, I think there would have been a chance that she might have taken it well. He blew up the base after all. That should be a statement.
So, at the beginning of "City of Rust" now.
- The city they are currently in is soo cool. I can't wait till they explore it a bit more
- Wes' two nightmares were heartwrenching. I felt so bad for him. Him snuggling with Nogo is really sweet.
- Again, when Wes and Rui are talking, it feels so natural and I like them both so much.
- Poor Rui has really gotten herself into a lot of trouble.
- Men with arms in casts seem to be a running theme here. Too bad Wes ditched his so early.
- Ooooh! That fight was so intense. I found myself audibly gasping when Nio was getting hurt. It was fast paced and very very tense. There was one section, when Wes first tried to catch the three shadow mon, where I couldn't follow and it fit the heat of the battle excellently. (Also, Wes looks very cool in my head when he uses his snag-machine). Rui's and Wes' comments during the fight were also excellent and hyped the thing up.
- I remember I thought to myself how I couldn't decide if I liked the action scenes or the quiet parts better at one point :D
Time to hop on the reply train once again! Goodness, so many lovely thoughts to respond to! Thank you all for your support!
Howdy hey!! I've been really looking forward to your thoughts on the rest of the story and I'm so happy to see them! Thanks for all the hard work you put into this review, I know it was a lot!
The second detail is the way you've gone about dealing with the Shadow Pokemon. In the games you purify them either by going to Agate or through battles, but having Wes fight with all the shadowmons he catches would make things unruly and it would turn the pokemon into plot devices and you can't very well be expected to flesh out who knows how many pokemon. So I think the idea of having Wes keep a core team of pokemon and have all the others be taken care of by their allies not only helps counter this issue, it also lets the other characters (which would normally just feel like NPCs) be relevant.
Oh, absolutely. First of all, that's WAY too many pokemon for one person to handle even if they were mentally sound. And I really don't have any interest in describing every single snag in detail; that'll get way too old way too fast! Might as well have the NPCs become actual characters and be helpful!
This is especially true of the way you adapted the snagging mechanic...in that Wes doesn't really use it. Well, outside of the first time in Phenac he hasn't, but it makes sense. Even if they're going covert in Pyrite it still wouldn't be wise to just go and openly steal your opponents' pokemon, so implementing Lon and then having Wes use the machine offscreen was a great go around in my opinion, plus Rui would've become suspicious herself if she saw how good Wes was at doing that so often right?
I'm glad you liked the route I took with this! I'll admit, I'm a little bummed that we haven't gotten to see Wes using the Snag Machine too much yet, but that will certainly change as the story unfolds.
You make lots of solid points here, and...yeah. I don't know how to fix it, so I'm just going to keep trucking onward for now! After all, when I compare this section to the rest of the story and what I have planned, it's really the only one that drags as long as it does. I'm confident that the rest of the story will be much better paced! There were lots of characters to introduce all at once here, which really bogged down the pacing, but from Chapter 17 onward, things will be much quicker.
(One silly note is that I listened to this fic in TTS, and everytime Neo said “Esp.” the reader translated it as “especially.” Which was. Kind of silly.)
On chapter 2, I see in your editing changes that you removed the battle with Willie. I dunno what was originally there, but I think that’s probably for the better. Fights are fun to write, and can be fun to read! But constant battles can slow the pacing to a crawl. Especially since you already have a fight in this chapter, and one that’s much more important/high stakes.
Yeah I'll admit that in the beginning I was sticking much too close to the gameplay, and several people pointed out that the battle was unnecessary. I still kept Willie in as a character because I do have plans for him, but there wasn't a need for a battle right then, especially since Wes was in a hurry!
As a critique I do want to say that, overall, this first fight against the Mirror B peons is probably the weakest fight in the fic, imo. It feels very… stiff. I can picture it playing out exactly how it does in-game, right down to the animations. That said, later fights felt much more dynamic, so I kind of figure it's just a symptom of being one of the first fights written in the fic.
Yeah this was my first attempt at writing a battle, heh. And I'll be the first to admit that battles are not my forte! Hopefully I can get better with them as the story continues.
Moving to 9… heh, Sherles is a smart man. Anyways, I think you do a good job with Duking. Heck, this whole scene, the fact that Duking is aware of who Wes is, makes his animosity towards him work really well. It’s been a while since I played Colo, but I remember him being pretty unfriendly at first in it, albeit for very different reasons (and I suspect those reasons are going to happen at some point in the near future. If so….. Hooo boy. Wonder if Wes is gonna get accused of being involved in a certain pokemon’s theft. He’s already not trusted. Taking it a step further seems plausible.
This continues into chapter 12. In which Wes continues to traumatize a child and Rui tries being nice. Not gonna lie though, even though I have some gaps in my memories of colosseum, I was half expecting Lon’s “team” to be other kids, instead of his team of pokemon.
"continues to traumatize a child" LOOOL you're not wrong. As for Lon, he's just an NPC you can battle in the game, so I followed the team he has when you first battle him! While the street kids do sort of stick together, it's still very much "every man for himself" in Pyrite, so the closest thing any of them can trust is their Pokemon...if they're lucky enough to have any.
Thanks for this review!! I'm so happy you've enjoyed it so far, and I hope you like what I have in store!
ahahaha...this is totally an oversight on my part. I was plowing through edits when I implemented this scene, and...yeah, I definitely didn't think about it as much as I should have! I already have a better alternative in mind for taking out the Skarmory, so I'll patch it in when I get around to it.
So, I'm going to preface this by saying that adaptations and novelizations are, broadly speaking, not my forté unless the author is taking steps right out of the gate to make it clear things are going to be very different.
Can't say I blame you. Pretty much every adaptation/novelization of the games I've read stick wayyy too close to the game story and mechanics, which just doesn't translate well into written media. And I certainly have some of that showing through in OSAS, especially in the early chapters where I was just getting started. Rest assured, though, the rest of the story, while following the basic outline of the game plot, will have a life of its own!
And you do have the second scene in chapter 1 introducing some differences in the form of giving Wes a backstory that was definitely absent in Colosseum. I'm guessing from how you talk about him on Discord that this is not going to be a fic that leads to the scrapped idea of him taking over Cipher lol. The other big difference I suppose is in giving him a motivation of leaving Orre behind. That and the abusive backstory seem to be the foundations behind his more anti-heroic thought process with ditching Rui. And the twins acting as morality pets of sorts is a nice wink to them being friendship/happiness evolutions.
Glad you noticed the changes and additions! Honestly, all of this stuff is the FUN part of it all, and the reason I wanted to write this fic in the first place. I wanted to breathe life into a region and characters that, canonically, are not much more than cardboard cutouts.
Thanks for your review! :D I appreciate your thoughts!
i was a little less sure about the dream scene. it was undeniably well-written and poignant, but it felt infodumpy to me in a way that the previous sequences hadn't—unlike the previous information you gave us, which was tied into the character's conversation and felt like a bonding moment most of all, the dream is sort of just presented as-is. it's sort of a hard problem, because wes is a really closed-off guy... it doesn't seem like this information is essential to understanding the story right now, so i wonder if it couldn't be kicked down the line until wes is a little more open and willing to share his memories with rui, or maybe just organized into its own chapter. i know that these suggestions aren't super helpful for editing the current text, since it kind of is what it is here, but i thought i'd just share my thoughts on it for whatever benefit it does provide. 😁
You know, while you're the first to mention this to me, you're totally right. It didn't really fit in the chapter overall, and I probably could have shown more about Wes' childhood without needing to write out an entire scene. Flashbacks are hard to juggle and execute well, so I'm still figuring that one out!
wow, damn. that's a little bit intense. a bit of googling suggests to me that this is worldbuilding you invented—along with the nuclear warfare—and i'm here for it tbh. maybe you created it just to justify orre's existing worldbuilding, but i'm curious if you ever touch back on this. where did noctis come from? what led to johto nuking the shit out of orre? interesting questions you're setting up here!
i feel like the first ellipsis here wants a space after it, i.e. "Yeah... okay." i tend to think of ellipses as a weird type of punctuation. also, i think "yeah" needs to be capitalized on the next line, since it's the first word in a sentence: "...Yeah. Night."
You know, I need to do some research on this! I never knew there were so many different ways to write ellipses! Maybe it's because I've never really paid attention to the way they're done in the books I've read, I dunno. So yeah, I think I might have a few different styles here and there because I'm still figuring out what I want to do.
PANOOOO! :D :D :D You have NO IDEA how excited I am to have you reading this and giving your thoughts! Aaaaaaa
Honestly, who would have thought that one of my favorite fic writers would not only become a good friend and possibly my doppelganger, jury is still out on that one, but that you would read and review my own fic?? :D It's kinda like a dream come true.
Back to the first chapter with a little bit of confusion on my part with who was who, exactly. The former-boss-who-shall-not-be-named does get a name in chapter 2 I think, with the reference to the skarmory feather knife Wes carries. Not sure if the lack of naming Gonzap in chapter 1 is intentional? I'm guessing we're supposed to infer it's the skarmory that chased after Wes whose feather that is, and that means Wes's knife is a symbol of his former life, but for being so important to Wes's past, it was kind of surprising Gonzap's name was dropped so casually and after the fact. This is probably also me trying to puzzle out who these characters are without having any prior game knowledge, so not sure if that's just a me-thing or not.
This is probably a remnant of the first draft; originally, Wes' name wasn't even revealed until Chapter 2 in the diner, and looking back I have no idea why I decided to do it that way. So I guess Gonzap's name slipped through the cracks as well! Sorry for the confusion. If you have suggestions on how to introduce his name earlier in a not-clunky way, I am all ears!
Another little bit that I'm actually curious about is in the Colosseum games, do you actually get to travel the desert yourself on Wes's motorcycle? Or do you just kind of "load" into different areas of interest? I was wondering b/c of the interesting framework of the fic set around Orre's barren design. Lots of nothing dotted with important landmarks, so time is spent at a landmark, or riding across the desert. Is that how the game plays out, too? It certainly works as part of the flow of the fic. The desert rides seem to be these breathers in between the action at any particular stop, and even leaves time for introspection and musings by the characters during a time they normally wouldn't be able to talk much (with the wind and the sand and all that engine noise). It's like taking the loading screens and making them part of the narrative, and I like that a lot.
Fun fact: yes! There are no routes in Colosseum, so you just go to the map and select the city you want to go to, and you get a little five second clip of Wes speeding through the desert on his hoverbike. Before you meet Rui, Espeon and Umbreon are riding in the sidecar, and after you meet her, she takes their place. (Which is a bummer, really, and I'm gonna change this eventually because Neo and Novo deserve their joyride time, too!! MOVE OVER, RUI)
It does provide a nice little bridge/transition between locations for the characters to muse and ponder--which I didn't even realize until you pointed it out!
There's a little bit of this opening set of chapters that feels very "gameplay", a convenient snap decision that bounces them from one location to another. I think the one that felt a little odd is Rui's insistence to speak to the mayor right after being rescued by Wes. I never got the impression the mayor was actually a resource for reporting trouble, or that there event was any sort of useful local government in Orre in the first place. Orre has always seemed sort of "lawless" to me. Like, you can't go around kidnapping people, but at the same time probably not a lot of police or govt to protect people. Feels like vigilantism would be rampant, but maybe that's part of Rui's naivete in play here. Also felt sort of convenient that the train car diner Wes takes shelter in after the bombing would also be the place that just so happens to have pokeballs for Rui later. Again, this is probably some game-logic in play here, following the storyline, but my first impression of the diner was that it was a place Wes found while passing through and we probably wouldn't see it again. I was pleasantly wrong about that, and it went from "convenient landmark" to a sort of "home base" for Wes. Makes me wonder if we'll go back there any more after this or not.
Yeah...I definitely struggled to find that balance, especially in earlier chapters! I'd like to think it has smoothed out as I've gone on, but you'll have to let me know if that's the case. As for the diner, I do headcanon that it's a place Wes is familiar with (unbeknownst to other Snagem members), but I didn't really drive that home as much as I could have. I'll have to make note of it when I go back and do some edits!
And...yeah, the Pokeball thing is odd, I'll freely admit. The weird thing is that in Colosseum, this is the ONLY PLACE you can get Pokeballs for the entire freaking game. Makes no sense!! I suppose I could try to throw in some sort of explanation here--maybe Snagem used to come here often to get Pokeballs because it was out of the way and under the radar, but they haven't come around as often lately because then they...found better connections? Hmm. Don't mind me, I'm just brainstorming here. xD
One final note on some prose and minor editing stuff. I've noticed a bit of word/phrase repetition here and there, as well as a good number of epithets that probably don't need to be there. Using proper names for people and pokemon might feel clunky (ie the avoiding repetition thing) but really they're as "invisible" as words like "the" and "and". Working through an epithet in an action scene definitely is tougher than reading "Wes". Then again, these are the first chapters and like most fics, I imagine the overall flow and prose of your writing is improving constantly. I'll keep an eye out for these things moving forward, but my guess is they'll iron themselves out over time.
Aw man, I do have a problem with repeating words and phrases, and it actually seems to be worse when I go back and edit because I'm patching things in and forget what phrases I've already used in the chapter. I'll keep an eye on that. In the meantime, don't be afraid to point out any specific phrases, words and/or epithets you see!
(Ok, so I've watched the Colloseum opening scene now, and I have to say, your version is 10 times better. Not only did it make Wes way less creepy, you've somehow managed to up the cheese factor - which is really good)
AHAHAHA they really DO make him so creepy and sinister in the opening scene!!! xD I am not about that life.
And--cheesy, huh? LOL I don't think anyone has called it that, and I'm not sure if it being cheesy is a good or bad thing haha
- I think they just met Sephiroth in the street. Also, yes Wes, I'm very sure you will never ever have to get to know this character - or any one like this. Never.
Okay but this character's design is SO SIMILAR to Sephiroth, LOL. And even Wes' design has a lot of similarities to Cloud. This game really did try to channel all those FF7 vibes.
- Wes describing Johto as this wonderful place made me unjustifiedly proud. Like, I mainly write about Johto and I'm like: "It's a damn nice place I have here, right?!"
- Your "Why not read...?" meme made me very interested in Rui now.
JOHTO GOOD. Or, well...maybe. Lots of Orreans probably wouldn't say so, but Wes doesn't care about Orre and Johto's hostile history. He just wants to live in the woods away from people.
- Oh, also, the voice that narrates your fic is very polite and spells out abbreviations. Hence why Espeon is the snobbiest little brat ever, constantly telling Wes "Especially, Especially, Especially!"
Now about Wes lying to Rui. Now I get at least half of the discussion about a month ago about the Liar-Revealed trope. And I was of course a bit cautious and biased when I realised the issue was coming up. The scene was really nice and I like how Rui straight up called him out on his inconsistencies. And I understand why Wes would lie to her to protect himself. But from all I've seen of them so far, there's still one last part in me that says "He could have told her the truth". Judging from their relationship so far and everything, I think there would have been a chance that she might have taken it well. He blew up the base after all. That should be a statement.
I always like to hear thoughts on this, because everyone has their own take! While it does make sense for Wes to not trust her enough to tell her anything, especially when he's only known her for a day...it's only gonna get worse from here. Feel free to continue giving me your thoughts on this.
That makes me really happy to hear!! :D Because honestly, I'm not very confident with my action scenes yet. So I'm glad that they're at least just as enjoyable as the slower scenes!
Thank you so much for popping in with your thoughts! I love hearing them, and I love getting the occasional play-by-play on discord haha. :D
....Welp. Looks like I missed a handful of you! I'm so sorry!!! Replying to these has been a delight!
AYYYYY
Okay thank you so much for pointing out that I missed your review! I'm sooo sorry I missed it, I really should have been more thorough when checking back! Thanks to you, I also noticed a few others I'd missed as well!
YAAAAS. I honestly LOVE IT when people say they know nothing about Colosseum/Orre, because that means everything is fresh and brand new and you won't know about any twists or suprises! (Unless they've been spoiled for you on Discord, which...is possible. I can never decide how much I want to talk about the games because I don't want to give away stuff for OSAS, but also...I love talking about the games, lol.)
Yes, it's a gen 3 game, but in this world, all the other regions and pokemon exist, so it would make sense that everyone has a basic knowledge of Arceus, the god of all Pokemon, right? I'd like to think so, but if this still doesn't make sense, please feel free to elaborate!
Thanks for your lovely review!! :D I hope you enjoy what I have in store!
Howdy hey! Sorry it took me so long to reply to this! Been juggling way too many things and answering reviews just kinda slipped through the cracks for a while.
First off I want to say I know next to nothing about Orre games or their characters. In fact the only other version of Wes I know is from a oneshot Chibi made a while back. As such, this fic will paint most of the picture of what Wes will be in my head and I'll never have any idea how faithful or divergent his characterization will be from the games.
Yussss I honestly love it when readers know nothing about Orre because then EVERYTHING is new and a surprise to them! :D And, after reading Chibi's (incredibly written) one-shot, I can say that our interpretations of Wes' character are pretty close, actually!
Also, I chuckled when you mentioned his characterization in the games. I'll let you in on a secret: He has, uh, basically none. All we know about him is that he blew up Snagem (and looked really creepy while stealing the Machine), and apparently he's a good enough person to step in and save Rui, his Eeveelutions are at max happiness at the start of the game, and...that's about it, really. He's a silent protagonist and the games give absolutely zero info on his backstory or motives. So, there's not really much material for me to deviate from there.
Anyways, thanks for your thoughts, and I hope you enjoyed!
This was interesting to me. I don't remember if it was specifically said in the game(s) that Orre doesn't have wild Pokémon, but if not, that's a cool way of interpreting the lack of Pokémon catching in the games. Hearing they're coming "back" also adds intrigue about the history of the region. (In TPP, there was lore that Orre became a wasteland because it got nuked. #NukeOrre real??)
So, to fill you in, there are no wild Pokemon in Orre until Colo's sequel, XD, and even then they are VERY limited and only appear in specific locations! And there is never ANY explanation given for this, not even so much as a hint. So I made up my own lore for it--and, hah, it's actually scary close to tpp's theory. (Also big 👀 that tpp even came up with their own theories for Orre!) Anyways, you'll find more info on that in chapter 7!
The hyphen made the name look very strange to me, so I looked it up and the name indeed has a space instead of a hyphen in the game. Different spelling of canon names doesn't bother me at all, but I'm curious as to why you made this change. Just personal preference?
You know...I don't think I actually realized there was no hyphen! I'm not sure if I'll fix it or not, or just keep it. Either way, it's a super weird name lol.
I'm really enjoying the dynamic between Wes and Rui. The typical character to pair off with a friendly, bubbly one is a sarcastic eye-rolling asshole, which can often come off as meanspirited or forcefully comedic, so a character who is blunt and stoic but not mean is a wonderful change of pace.
:D That's really good to hear! I've been worried about striking that balance just so, and keeping it from wandering into obnoxious territory. Wes is a bit of a jerk, but he doesn't usually mean to be. Most of the time.
Thanks for your comments! :D Sorry it took me so long to reply, it's been very busy on my end for a while, but hopefully next time I'll be faster at responding!
NOTE: some changes have been made to the story that haven't been edited into earlier chapters yet. Here is a list of some of the edits that will be made to previous chapters and will be reflected in the story moving forward:
*Duking is no longer the mayor of Pyrite, though he still holds some less official authority/respect over the citizens.
*The character Livia has been removed from the story entirely. (Most of you are probably thinking, "Who's Livia?" LOL. Exactly.)
*A big Pyrite Colosseum tournament is coming up.
*As reflected in the updated beginning chapters, Wes carries a knife with him.
That is all! Enjoy this chapter! :)
Huge thanks to @kintsugi and @Pen for beta reading this chapter! 💛
Immaculate.
That was the most appropriate word to describe his office. The bleached walls perfectly matched the white tiled floor. Even his desk only held the essentials: a slim white monitor and a stack of files neatly placed in an upper corner.
Ein took a sip of coffee from his mug—also white, to match the rest of his belongings, and without blemish, as all things should be. He scowled down at the cluster of pages before him, the only things that threw off the tidiness of the place. The pages were yellowed with age, smudged and torn in a few places. He suppressed a shudder; he had been less organized back in the day, less precise, less dignified. But as much as the small coffee stain in one corner haunted him with his former imperfections, he pressed on, scanning the words for any sliver of information as he had done countless times before:
Data Entry Log #132
It has been ten days since administration. The results so far have been...poor, to put it simply. Survival rates are failing to improve despite our many adjustments, though at the very least we can say they are remaining at roughly 50%.
Of our 25 subjects, 10 have perished so far, and we expect 2 more to expire in the coming days. Of the expected 13 survivors, all have shown signs of gaining immunity.
This is promising, but it is not enough. We are still unable to replicate the results of our very first test. My partner continues to insist he is replicating the serum exactly as he did the first time, but I still maintain strong suspicions that he is not divulging everything he knows. This is unacceptable.
Until now, I have always been the one possessing every bit of available knowledge on this team. The thought that someone other than myself has a missing part of the equation and refuses to share is...quite infuriating to me. My patience has now worn thin. I will seek to rectify this imbalance as soon as I am able. I had been hopeful about accomplishing this through more diplomatic means, but, regretfully, I may have to resort to more...convincing methods to get the truth out of him. It seems I have no other alternative.
I will not waver, however. This is for the cause.
Ein hissed softly in frustration and set his mug down—delicately, of course, to avoid even one spilled drop. Emotions could be useful, but they could not be allowed to interfere with his constant precision.
Twenty years. Twenty years of this Arceus-damned research, and he was still no closer to the answers he sought. Even now, his partner's foolish morality was determined to haunt him, to hold him back from obtaining more information.
Damn you, Ian—
"EIN!"
Ein tightened his lips at the distant roar. Gods above, of all the days for this buffon to shove his way into his office—
The door burst open and promptly slammed into the wall. Ein raised his eyes to see his visitor and made a mental note to get someone to buff out the scuff marks later.
"Gonzap," he said dryly. "To what do I owe the marvelous pleasure—"
"We had a deal, Ein!" Gonzap bellowed. His face was splotched red with rage—and half-healed burns, too, it seemed. Such unfortunate blemishes on an already incredibly unfortunate face.
"I have no memory of any deal, dearest Gonzap."
"Don't you 'dearest Gonzap' me," the man hissed. He drew himself up to his full height and crossed his arms, evidently trying to appear as large and menacing as possible. Not that it worked; muscles could only get one so far when they were directed by such pitiful intellect. "What the hell is this about not encroaching on Cipher's territory?"
Ah. This was about that. Ein straightened his glasses and cooly returned Gonzap's gaze. "Precisely that. We've decided to neutralize the threat as quickly and quietly as possible. We cannot afford to let that boy live any longer, and that girl—"
"That's not what we agreed on!" Gonzap's veins were popping now. "I told you I wanted to deal with that bastard myself, didn't I?"
"You want him dead, do you not?"
"Hell yes, I do!"
"Then I fail to understand your complaint. Cipher has already set things in motion to have him eliminated."
BAM. Gonzap's massive fist slammed down onto Ein's desk with enough force to rattle the computers and send several papers fluttering to the floor. Ein's mug bounced from the impact and shattered on the floor, spraying its contents in every direction, staining the polished whiteness—
"You said you would give him to me." Gonzap's face was inches from Ein's now and was rapidly transitioning from scarlet to violet. "We made a deal, you filthy lab rat!"
The coffee continued to pool across the white tiles. Ein's temples throbbed.
Rising slowly from his seat, he maintained Gonzap's stare and replied steadily, his tone laced with ice, "I would be careful, dearest Gonzap, of whom you call a 'lab rat' in these parts. I would hate to take your insubordination as an invitation to turn you into one."
Gonzap paused. He curled his lip at the threat, but there was no mistaking the glint of fear in those feral eyes.
He still knew his place, then. A shame, really. He would make a delightful test subject.
Ein straightened his lab coat. "That deal was then, and this is now. The boy has become a much larger nuisance than any of us have anticipated, and considering your remarkable failure to control your subordinates is what created this predicament, we can no longer afford to entertain your vengeful wishes. Not to mention we now have that girl to deal with."
He suppressed a shiver anticipation at the last sentence. That girl. There were far too many coincidences from the reports about her. She had to be the one, and if so…
If so, he could finally get his answers.
A snarl rose from Gonzap's throat, but Ein silenced him with a raised hand. "However," he said curtly, "should he manage to survive our next attempt, I will negotiate with Nascour on your behalf, on the condition that you never show your hideous face in my lab ever again."
Gonzap blinked for a moment, then barked out a harsh laugh. "That all you want? Hell, it would be my damn pleas—"
"In addition," Ein interrupted sharply, "you will provide me with two extra shipments of subjects. Do that for me, and I'll be sure to keep your little traitor alive just long enough for you to have at him."
"Two?" the larger man snapped. "In case you haven't heard, that bastard blew up all our machines!"
"Not all of them, if I've been informed correctly."
"Yeah, genius. He took the last one with him."
"Is that so?" A smirk danced across Ein's lips. "You failed to mention that to Nascour, Gonzap."
All the deep red hues suddenly drained from Gonzap's face. Ein's grin widened.
"I—that's not—that is to say, we planned to get it back—"
"Ah yes, I'm sure you did. How unfortunate it is that you haven't succeeded yet. Not to worry—I'm certain Nascour will be nothing but understanding once I pass this along."
For once, Gonzap was speechless. Ein relished the fear now etched across every line of his face. Ah, few things were sweeter than watching an inferior being quiver with dread…
"Fortunately for you, I'm feeling generous today." Ein straightened the papers on his desk before looking back up at the man, who had now taken a few steps back from Ein's desk. "Once we give you the boy, you will let me have that girl. Alive. You will also supply us with every subject you have left."
"Them Pokémon were supposed to get shipped to the Under—"
"Dearest Gonzap, I am far more of a threat to you than a few black market peddlers. Do not forget what organization this is." He tipped his head back. "The Under belongs to Cipher."
Gonzap swallowed, then dropped his gaze. "Yes."
"You forgot something."
His jaw clenched. "Yes, sir."
Ein smirked again and stood. "Very good. Now, if you excuse me, I have another project to attend to." As he breezed past his subdued foe, he added lightly, "Oh, and please do fetch a peon to clean up this mess of yours. Tell them if I come back to a single stain, they'll become my newest subject."
The door shut behind him in the sputtering Snagem leader's face.
*****
Hey, it's me again, back for another data entry! Ugh, I don't even know what I'm saying. Who am I even talking to? This feels weird. Wes says to just write what we know so far—and that's what I've been doing, but he says little personal notes like this aren't necessary. So I'll try to keep it more straightforward this time. ;D
Progress remains slow, but there's still progress! The Pokémons' auras are getting brighter and brighter every day. I've noticed that the more often they're out of their balls and interacting with others, both people and Pokémon, the calmer their auras are becoming. Even the more antisocial ones like Marlow (Flaaffy) and Nani (Croconaw) appear to be benefiting from it, which is a huge plus!
Training with them has been even more effective. I suspect it's because it gives them an outlet for all of their negative pent-up energy. Duking and Silva have been trying to keep an even rotation with as many of them as possible so they all get some time to train, but it's been tough with so many...At least Wes' team is able to get consistent training in.
Speaking of Wes' team, they're farther along than any of the others at this point—sometimes the dark aura is barely noticeable! I know they've been with us the longest and have had the most training, but I also think a lot of the credit goes to Wes for how gentle he is with them. He'll never admit it, but I think he's actually a bit soft on them. (Don't you dare erase this part, Wes.) ;)
We've been working a lot with Noctowl in particular lately! We've named her Nyra, and I think she'd be a good fit on Wes' team if he decides to take her in. She has a lot of opening up to do, but that's what I said about Maku and Kohna, and now they keep cuddling up to Wes every chance they get. (He likes to pretend it annoys him, but the other day I caught him putting a blanket in his lap just for Maku. I see right through you, Lycas.)
Even Nani is more cooperative than she used to be...well, most of the time, anyway. I think she's even warming up to Neo a little? So I'm sure Nyra will make progress, too. I mean, if Nani can, then I think anybody can, right?
Duking has noticed something that's caused us some concern, though. He says it looks like several of the Pokémon are well past their evolution stage—meaning they should have evolved a long time ago, but they haven't. I hadn't noticed at first, but after he pointed it out, I think he's right: Fi's leaves are wilting, Nani is shedding her scales more than I think is normal, and Kohna will flare up out of nowhere, as if she can't keep all of her fire contained. We suspect this has to do with their unusual condition, but we have no idea what's specifically causing it. I didn't realize this would be such an issue, but according to Duking, it is. I guess it's not healthy for a Pokémon to prolong evolution once they're ready? Now that I think about it, it makes sense. But is it different for the ones that evolve through stones? It must be, because Rika hasn't had any problems and she'll probably never evolve.
And I'm rambling again. Sorry!
Anyway, I think that's all for now. I'll write more if anything changes, or—I hope to Arceus—we find out where this all started. Bye!
P.S. Novo still doesn't like me, but I DID get him to accept a treat from me yesterday. It's a work in progress. :D
Rui set down her pencil and sat back with a sigh. It was an unusually peaceful afternoon in Duking's kitchen. She glanced through the open doorway into the living room, where Neo, Novo and Kohna were curled up together on the couch, fast asleep. Maku was at his usual perch gazing out the window, and even Nani was dozing in a corner.
With the kids all in the cavern working on homework assignments and Duking and Silva at the Colosseum making preparations for the upcoming tournament, the house was unusually quiet and still. The afternoon sunlight filtered in through the windows, illuminating the kitchen in a cozy glow, and in the warm silence, Rui felt a little drowsy herself.
"You finished?" Wes' voice tugged her back from her thoughts of an afternoon nap. He sat adjacent to her at the table, looking at the notebook in her hand.
"Yeah, I think so. Let me know if I missed anything?" Rui handed the notebook over to him.
She watched for his reactions as he read. She noticed him roll his eyes at her small jabs at him, and she couldn't help but grin.
Wes had grown just a little more relaxed around her over the last few weeks, and while Rui was grateful for that, she was becoming more and more aware of just how little she knew about him. He certainly wasn't keen on talking about himself, and none of Rui's attempts to dig deeper seemed to be working.
Back home, it had been easy to develop friendly relationships with her neighbors, the younger kids, the clerk at the supermarket—in Agate, a friendly wave and a smile was always reciprocated, regardless of how familiar you were with the other person. Making friends had never been a struggle for her—until now.
She tried not to pry, as it was clear he was a private person, but her curiosity kept getting the better of her. She'd tried using as many conversation starters she could think of, only to get short, barely helpful responses. Her ears burned as, unbidden, the memory of her last attempt resurfaced:
"So, Wes, where did you get your bike?"
"Had it since I was a kid."
"Really? Did someone give it to you?"
"No. I restored it."
"Oh! So you know your way around bikes and cars, then?"
"Not really."
"Did you just teach yourself how, then?"
"A friend taught me."
"Oh, cool! Who was your friend?"
He hadn't answered that. Other attempts at conversation were about just as successful as the first:
"So, what's with the line on your face?"
"It's a tattoo."
"Wha—really? Why? Is there a reason for it?"
"I was sixteen and an idiot."
She hadn't known how to respond to that, so the conversation had fizzled out.
So here she sat, across from him at the kitchen table, pondering how on earth she could possibly get to know someone who seemed adamant on never opening up.
"I don't see why that's a problem, dear," Beluh had said over the phone one evening. "Some people just like to be private about themselves. Why, old Garlin scarcely says more than ten words to Eagun when we go by the market, and they've been battling together for years."
But that was the problem, Rui thought; even old man Garlin had friends, yet Wes seemed bent on not making any friends at all. But hadn't he claimed to have friends who helped him steal the Snag Machine? Where were they? What sort of people were they? What sort of person was he, for crying out loud?
She rested her chin in her palm and observed him as he flipped through the pages of the notebook. The sunlight through the kitchen window settled on his shoulders, outlining him in rays of gold. She found herself taking note of the way his hair, perpetually messy and wild as it was, overlapped in silvery waves and framed his face, contrasting with his tan complexion. The windswept look suited him, especially considering how much time he likely spent flying across the desert in that motor-
Wes raised his head and locked eyes with hers, and Rui suddenly realized just how long she'd been staring.
Her face flooded with heat. She tore her gaze away from him, but not before she caught him raising an eyebrow at her.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said hurriedly.
She could practically hear his frown. "Doesn't seem like nothing."
She'd always been such a pathetic liar, and Wes was far too good at detecting falsehoods. Say something.
"What's, um..." Come on, Rui. She forced herself to meet his eyes again.
"What's your favorite color?" she blurted.
That was it? That was the best you could do?
Wes fixed her with a blank stare. Rui was endlessly grateful he couldn't hear her internal screaming.
"What?"
"What's your favorite color?" she insisted. "Everybody has one. Mine's purple."
"That's what you wanted to know?"
She didn't trust herself to sound convincing, so she just nodded.
"For gods' sakes, Rui." Wes shook his head and returned his gaze to the pages on the table. "I thought it was something serious with how long it took you to say something."
Mew's marbles. He'd noticed. He had noticed her staring. Rui forced a laugh and resisted the urge to lock herself in the nearest closet for the next thirty years.
"W-well, you still didn't answer my question!"
Wes shrugged. "Don't have one."
"What?" Rui blinked at him, still attempting to shove down her embarrassment. Thank the gods he wasn't looking at her night now, her face felt so red. "Come on, everybody has a favorite color."
"Apparently not. I don't have one."
"There's not one that makes you think of...I don't know, good memories or something?"
"Why do you care?" Wes' eyes snapped back up to hers as an edge crept into his tone. Rui flinched a little at the flare of hostility.
"I—I was just curious, that's all!" she said hastily. "I just...wanted to get to know you better. As a friend."
There was silence for a moment. Rui found herself unable to hold his intense gaze and instead glanced about the kitchen. Great, now she'd made things awkward. Why had she bothered to say anythi—oh, right. Because she'd been staring. By Celebi, she was such a hopeless case—
"Are we friends?"
Surprised, Rui looked at him again. The question had been blurted out so...innocently. The look on Wes' face was one she hadn't seen before: rather than his usual somewhat sour expression, he wore a look of surprised curiosity. With his head tilted slightly to the side, he almost looked like Neo or Novo whenever they were confused. It was a look she'd never seen on him before.
She bubbled out a laugh—not a forceful effort to hide her disgrace like the last one, but a genuine one—and playfully slugged him in the shoulder. "Of course we are, you moron!"
Wes stared at her, completely bewildered. He glanced at his shoulder, then back at her. "The hell was that for?"
Rui froze. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"
Wes spluttered in indignation. "Did it hu—for Mew's sake, that was the most pathetic punch I've ever felt. No, it didn't hurt." He sounded downright offended that she'd thought she could injure him.
She blinked. Clearly, Wes had never engaged in this kind of banter before. "It was a joke. You know, like a playful jab?"
He looked at her like she'd sprouted a second head. "What, you hit people for fun?"
She sputtered. "Wh—not like that! It's harmless. Teasing, you know?"
"No, I don't," he said flatly. He looked her up and down, then added quite matter-of-factly, "You're weird as hell."
Rui let out a guffaw of laughter at that comment. His brutal honesty was refreshing, even if it sometimes came at her expense. Not that she minded being called "weird" in the first place; while it bothered her when she was younger, after years of strange looks and classmates calling her "that aura girl", she'd decided to embrace it as a compliment anyway.
"Yeah, okay, I'm weird," she chuckled as her laughter subsided. "I'm just trying to teach you how to have fun. Is that so bad?"
Wes frowned—apparently, he didn't have an immediate response to that. He looked as though he was working on coming up with a reply when a muffled shout came from the direction of the cavern.
What was—?
Wes was instantly on his feet and heading through the kitchen. Rui followed suit, her laughter immediately vanishing in a new sense of urgency. As they burst through Duking's office towards the secret door, the voices became more and more distinct.
"I don't care what you think!" Lon's voice was fierce, echoing off the stone walls as they entered the room. "I think it's stupid!"
Rui stepped into the room just behind Wes and flinched at the blazing, aggressive auras that immediately assaulted her sight.
"You're stupid!" Marci fired back. "Everybody needs to know how to read, and you promised my dad you would try!"
Secc, who was the only one actually sitting at the table they used for homework, glanced up from his book and threw Wes and Rui a desperate look that plainly read, 'please help me'. Marci and Lon had risen from their seats and were exchanging shouts across the table.
"Yeah?" Lon sneered. "Well, your dad's a prude!"
Secc's gaze snapped over to Lon. "Hey," he said in a low voice, "don't talk about our dad like that."
"Why?" Lon rounded on him, his sneer turning into a snarl. "Don't like it? Well, it's true! You're all prudes!"
Secc slid his bookmark in his book and set it delicately on the table; a simple gesture, yet he managed to do so in a marvelously threatening manner.
Marci slammed her hands down on the table. "Listen, greasewad!" she spat. "Call my dad that one more time and I'll break your teeth!"
Lon stared at her for a moment; Rui wasn't sure if he was baffled by her bold threat or if he was still processing the insult "greasewad."
"All right, that's enough, all of you." Rui stepped in with her hands out in an effort to calm the raging atmosphere. "Everybody needs to calm down—"
"He's the one who started it!" Marci pointed accusingly at Lon. "He's been nothing but mean ever since you guys brought him here!"
She wasn't entirely wrong; Lon had made it clear he wanted no part in their gatherings and usually kept to himself with his Pokémon. While he seemed to enjoy his pickpocketing missions, he was quick to slide in a snide comment under his breath whenever receiving coaching from Wes, and Rui suspected the only reason he even half-heartedly agreed to take some online classes was because, despite Duking's generosity and kindness, the man still intimidated him.
"So what?" Lon snapped.
"'So what?' We gave you a place to stay and food to eat and we've been nothin' but nice to you, and you've just been a slimy little-"
"Marci, stop," Rui said sternly. She moved a little closer to the table to look the girl in the eyes. "This isn't helping anyth-"
"No, let her finish!" Lon barked. "Go on, say it, Princess!"
Wes groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh, for the love of—"
"Alright, I will!" Marci shouted. She balled her hands into fists, her face red with fury. "I hate you! You talk big and think you're all that, but you're nothing special! You're just a leech!"
"What did you just call me?"
In an instant, Lon had a Pokéball in his hand, and Rui felt her stomach drop. "Lon, please, you wouldn't—"
"YOU THINK I WON'T?" Lon roared. "TRY ME, THEN!"
And before anyone could stop him, he threw the Pokéball to the floor.
Rui's breath caught in her throat.
She hadn't actually seen Lon's third Pokémon before; she'd only ever seen him let his Azurill and Igglybuff out of their balls, and at meal times he'd always made a point to feed his team somewhere privately...and she now understood why.
Sickly black aura flickered around the Slugma, swirling like an eerie specter. The Fire-type gurgled, flames bubbling from his mouth, and Rui had the horrifying realization that Lon wouldn't be able to stop him if he decided to erupt-
"Enough!"
The cold fury in Wes' shout sent chills down Rui's spine. He pushed himself past both Rui and Marci, and with a flick of his wrist and the flash of a Pokéball, Novo was immediately at his heels.
Wes rounded on Lon, his eyes blazing with a ferocity Rui had never seen before, his posture rigid with tense anger. "You make even one move, kid, and you'll have to answer to me!"
At this, Novo stepped in front of his trainer and stared hard at the Slugma, rings pulsing ominously.
Lon wilted under the heat of Wes' angry stare, but maintained a degree of defiance. "D-don't tell me what to do!"
"Don't threaten us with your Pokémon, then!" Wes spat. He towered over the boy as blue flames of aura lashed upwards and danced around him, their brightness reflecting his rage. "You call yourself a trainer?"
Lon took a step back; behind him, his Slugma made himself taller and gurgled out a sound that was somewhere between a hiss and a sputter, his black aura spiking at every movement. Novo tensed at this, a growl rising in his throat.
Rui's chest tightened with alarm. "Lon, call off your—"
"I am a trainer!" Lon clenched his fists, ignoring her altogether. "I have a team—"
"I don't give a damn!" Wes roared. "If all you use them for is to intimidate defenseless kids, then you're no better than a common thug! Is that what you want?"
The Slugma quivered. Steam hissed from his body, dark shadows swelled at every shout that echoed off the cavern walls, threatening to burst—
Rui clenched her teeth and seized Wes by the arm, yanking him back a step. "Stop it, both of you! Lon, call off your Pokémon!"
Wes flashed her a furious glare. "Rui, stay the hell out of—"
"That Slugma's one of them, Wes!"
He and Lon froze. Rui heard Marci gasp. Rui glanced at the girl and her brother and hastily gestured for them to leave; they scurried off quickly through the secret door.
Lon slowly looked over his shoulder and paled at the sight of his quivering Slugma.
Wes spoke in a low voice. "Call it off. Now."
For once, Lon didn't need to be told twice. He fumbled with his Pokéball, and only after the Slugma disappeared did Rui exhale shakily.
Wes leveled his gaze, and Rui was sure the quiet fire in his eyes would melt Lon on the spot then and there. "Where. In the hell. Did you get that thing."
Lon stumbled backwards, clutching the Pokéball tightly to his chest. "N-none of your business!" He boldly returned Wes' glare, but failed to hide the tremor in his voice.
"I won't ask again, kid!"
"He—he was given to me, okay? I got him for doin' a favor for somebody, that's all!" He retreated a few more steps. "But you can't take him! He's mine!"
"You're out of your damn mind if you think I'm gonna let you keep it!" Wes snapped. "Hand it over! Now!"
"No!"
"Lon, please, that Pokémon is dangerous!" Rui said. "We can help—"
"NO!" Lon clasped the ball in both hands and squeezed it so tightly his knuckles turned white.
"Lon—"
"I NEED HIM, OKAY?"
Lon's voice broke as tears spilled down his cheeks. "I n-n-need him—he's the only one strong enough to battle, 'cause Mimi and Ozzie are just babies an' I need money to feed em, and—and—" He sniffed and wiped at his tears with a shaking hand. "An' when this gig is over, I'll still need him!"
Wes paused and took a step back, the hostility draining from his face. He ran a hand sheepishly through his hair and appeared unsure of what to say.
Rui stepped ahead of him. Lon flinched and shrank back as he approached.
"Lon," she said softly, "do you think we're going to kick you out once this mission is over?"
Lon blinked and sniffed again. "Aren't you?"
"No." She crouched in front of him. "Why would Duking want you to take classes if he was just going to throw you back on the streets after all this?"
"But…" The boy glanced from her to Wes in disbelief. "Wh-why'd he want me?"
"You're a good kid," Rui said gently. "And Duking sees that. What's important is that you're not going to have to worry about Mimi or Ozzie while you're with us, okay? You're all safe here."
He stared at her for a moment. "An-an Mel, too?"
"Your Slugma?"
He nodded.
Rui smiled and reached out her hand. Lon paused, then took it, and she gave him a reassuring squeeze. Merciful Celebi, he was just a child, and the kind of life he'd had to live already...had Wes had to grow up like this, too?
"Your Slugma will be safe, too...but we need you to let us take a look at him, okay? He's sick, like all the other Pokémon you've been helping us find." She looked into those frightened eyes. "Can you do that for us?"
He tensed. "Do I still get to keep him?"
She glanced at Wes, who had narrowed his eyes at the question, then back to Lon. "You can keep him, but he'll have to stay under supervision, okay? No battling or sending him out without someone else until he's better."
Lon looked down at the ball in his hand. "You promise you'll make him better?"
Rui's stomach clenched. Could she promise that? She thought of Maku, Kohna, Nani. They were recovering, that was for certain...but was there a permanent solution? A real cure? They hadn't found one yet...gods, they hadn't found anything yet...
Still, she met the boy's gaze. "Yes," she said fervently. "I promise."
For a couple beats, Lon didn't move. He looked at the Pokéball for a minute, chewing his lip, until he slowly handed it out to her. She gently took it from him, and even through the ball, she could feel the hot aggression pouring out from within.
Rui gave him another soft smile. "Thank you, Lon." She rose to her feet. "Why don't you head to the kitchen to get something to eat? Wes and I will be right behind you."
He nodded and, after glancing at Mel's Pokéball one more time, shuffled out of the room.
"Did you really mean that?"
Rui turned to Wes and found him frowning at her. "Of course I meant it," she said. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, for one thing, we don't know if we can cure all these Pokémon." He nodded at the ball in her hand. "And for another, how do you know Duking won't just toss him out?"
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you think he would? Besides, he made this cave in hopes of helping Pyrite kids one day, remember?"
"Sure, but he can't stay here forever. And you didn't answer my first point."
"I—I know." Rui dropped her gaze. Novo, no longer needing to be on guard, had settled himself contentedly at Wes' feet and looked ready for his afternoon nap, yawning widely.
Surely these Pokémon had been just like Novo, once; normal, healthy, mentally sound. There had to be a way to get them back to that state. And Wes had a point; generous as Duking was, Lon probably wouldn't be able to stay forever. But where else could he go? Certainly not back to the streets…
This whole town is such a mess, she thought. She was beginning to understand Sherles' weariness.
She looked back up at Wes and held Mel's Pokéball out to him. "We don't have any answers yet, but we will. They're out there somewhere, and we'll find them."
Wes took the ball with a slight shake of his head. She knew that look: even if he had a retort, he wasn't going to say it. Rui took a deep breath, forced a smile, and made her way to the door.
"Let's eat, I'm starving!"
*****
Even after many questions, Lon hadn't been able to tell them much, except for a vague description of the man's orange hair and that he went by the name "B." Apparently, he had approached the boy near a bar off main street that was common Valor territory, and the "favor" he'd asked of Lon was to smuggle a handful of weapons from Mystic's base in exchange for a "special Pokémon." When Rui expressed her horror that anyone would ask a child to do something so dangerous, Wes had merely shrugged and said, "Street kids are the safest bet. To them, they're expendable."
Rui wasn't sure what was more disturbing: the fact that Wes was probably right, or the matter-of-fact which way in which he said it.
With such little information to go off of, Wes had suggested they look for Cail, the green-haired young man they'd ran into on their first day in Pyrite. While Rui wasn't overly fond of the idea, Wes argued that someone like Cail, who prided himself on being well-connected, would be their best bet for getting more leads.
And yet, oddly, Cail was nowhere to be found in his regular haunts, and by late afternoon they'd made little progress. Rui heaved a sigh and slumped in her seat. They were in a dingy old restaurant—or something that vaguely resembled a restaurant, anyway—but they'd come here more for respite from the heat than for the food. She'd peered curiously at the menu, but Wes swore up and down that they were much better off without ordering anything.
"Trust me on this," he'd said flatly, "You don't want anything from here. Last time we were here Neo was sick for like a week."
"But you didn't get sick?"
"I didn't get anything." At her questioning look, he simply shrugged. "Couldn't afford it, and they needed it more than me."
Ah. Rui didn't know what to say to that. How often, she'd wondered, had he been forced to make the choice between feeding his Pokémon or himself?
Wes opened a map on his PDA and searched for their next place to look. Rui took to staring out the grimy window, lost in thought, as the minutes trickled by. She had no idea how much time had passed when Wes asked her a question that jolted her out of her daze.
"It was a Skitty, wasn't it?"
Rui nearly jumped out of her skin. She threw him a bewildered look. "Wh-what?"
"Your starter," he said. "Was it a Skitty?"
She forced herself to hold his penetrating gaze but couldn't hide her shock. "You—how did you know that?"
Wes nodded at something over her shoulder. Rui followed his gaze, though she already knew what he was referring to; she'd noticed the small gang of kids lounging outside the restaurant almost an hour ago, though it hadn't been the kids that held her attention.
"One of those kids has a Skitty. You've been staring at him for the last half-hour."
Rui felt a bit of heat rush to her face, unrelated to the harsh sun they'd been standing under all afternoon. Had she really been that obvious?
She fidgeted in her seat. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything, though," she said defensively. She hastily searched for something—anything—to say that would change the subject, but Wes was undeterred.
"It's a simple question. You had a Skitty, didn't you?" he said bluntly.
Sweet Celebi, even while she was actively avoiding his eyes, she could still feel that burning stare. Images flashed through her mind, ones that she'd spent years trying to bury: an empty street at night, the white cobblestones glowing under the streetlights; cold laughter from the shadows; her mother's panicked voice and the sound of her own screams-
Forget. Forget. Forget. She was supposed to forget.
"Rui?"
She almost jumped at the sound of her name. She blinked at Wes across the table, who was now frowning at her. Oh, gods, she'd spaced out once again, and now he was looking at her like that, and was he going to ask more questions?
Nothing is wrong. You're fine. She sat up straighter and forced a bright smile. You're fine.
"Yeah, I had a Skitty." She quietly took another shaky breath. "Her name was Daisy."
"Daisy, huh?" Wes sat back in his seat and idly folded his arms. "Why that name?"
She shrugged. "It's my favorite flower. Couldn't think of anything else, I guess."
Wes gave a mocking snort. "And yet you lecture me about unoriginal names."
Rui laughed a little. "Okay, come on, cut me some slack! I was ten." In an attempt to lighten the mood, she threw him what she hoped was a convincing grin. "Besides, it could have been worse. I could have gone with...I dunno...Skitters or something."
"I see nothing wrong with that name."
"Okay, now I can't tell if you're being serious or not."
Wes' eyes met hers, and for just a moment, Rui thought she caught the tiniest hint of a smile. But then he turned his head to look out the window, and she found herself wondering if she'd seen it at all.
"So," he said, "how did you manage to get a Pokémon in the first place? I can't imagine Agate has a Skitty colony."
Rui looked at him for a moment. This was...different from the conversations they'd previously had. She was trying to put her finger on it when it suddenly hit her.
Her smile widened. "You have a lot of questions today." Usually she was the one asking.
Wes shifted a little and shot her a small frown. "So?"
"It's not a bad thing!" she said quickly. "It's just, well...not your usual."
"...Oh." He relaxed a little at that. Then, with a smirk, he said, "Just trying to get to know you better, as a friend. Is that so bad?"
"Ooooh." Rui raised her eyebrows and leaned in, planting her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her palms. "Did I hear that right? Did you actually admit we're friends?"
"No. I just quoted you."
"Oh, get over yourself, Lycas. You totally just said we were friends."
"When the hell did you start calling me 'Lycas'?"
"Since we became friends, I guess!"
He rolled his eyes. "Gods. It was a joke."
"Right, right, we're just chatting and joking around. Wanna know what that's called?"
"A waste of time?"
"It's called friendship, moron."
"Sure." Wes pushed himself up from his seat and gestured for her to follow. "But we have been here too long. Let's head to the battle square and see if we can find Cail there."
"Alright, good plan." Rui followed Wes out the door. "But don't think I didn't notice you changing the subject."
"Technically, you changed the subject. You never answered my question about where you got your Skitty."
"Oh—right!" Rui blinked in the harsh sunlight that greeted them and stepped up beside Wes. "Well, it's not that exciting. Mom was from Hoenn, and she managed to call in a favor with an old friend. That's how I got Daisy."
Rui tipped her head back to look up at the sky—it was lovely today, a crisp, bright blue that contrasted with the red plateaus around them. Growing up in Agate, surrounded by retired trainers and their teams, she'd thought it was normal to see Pokémon everywhere she went, even if there weren't any wild ones to speak of. She hasn't realized what the lack of wild Pokémon would have meant for the rest of Orre.
"You were lucky, then," Wes said. His eyes were scanning the streets as they walked, his gaze sharp and attentive.
Rui nodded. "Yeah. I didn't realize it before, but...I do now." She paused and spared him a nervous glance. "Um, Wes? Where did everyone here get their Pokémon, then? Do you...do you think they were stolen?"
"Probably," he replied evenly. "Most of them, at least. If they weren't stolen from someone directly, then they probably got them from the black market in the Under."
The Under. Despite the afternoon heat, Rui had to suppress a shiver. She'd only heard stories of the city that lay at the depths of Pyrite Canyon, so far underground that sunlight never reached it. Once, old man Grover had told her there were still reports of Noctis circulating in the deepest slums of the city, and that the place was so eternally filthy they could never hope to eradicate the virus completely. Beluh had scolded him for trying to scare her, and promptly told Rui that it was no good to put stock in such rumors.
But whether or not the rumors were true, it never changed one thing that even Rui knew for certain: nothing good ever came from the Under.
"Do people from the Under come up here often, then?" She tried to mask her unease with a conversational tone.
Wes shook his head. "The opposite, usually. Pyrite citizens will take trips down there to find what they need. It's where all the shops around town get their supply of merchandise, and the Under gets it from other regions. Smuggling or something, probably."
"Oh." Rui looked at the ground and pondered for a moment. A question was nagging at the back of her mind, but she wasn't sure if she dared ask it: How did you get your Pokémon?
She threw Wes a nervous glance, but he was still scanning the area as they walked, evidently unfazed by their conversation. She could ask him...but he'd probably close himself off again if she did. Perhaps she would save it for later.
Besides, she was sure the answer wouldn't be anything sinister—maybe he got Neo and Novo from a friend, or maybe Sherles helped Wes get them when he started volunteering. There were other ways to get Pokémon aside from The Under, after all.
An idea sparked. "Wait—could that be where the savage Pokémon are coming from, then?" she said suddenly.
Wes mulled this idea over for a moment. "It's...definitely possible, but I'm not sure. For one thing, the market in The Under distributes to all of Orre—we've only heard of them appearing here and in Phenac so far. And for another…" He paused briefly before continuing, "The Under gets most, if not all, of their Pokémon from Snagem. And as far as I know, Snagem never experimented on Pokémon."
Right. Wes didn't talk about it much, so it was easy to forget just how much he knew about the inner workings of Snagem, Orre's dark underbelly. Rui repressed another shudder; she couldn't imagine the things he must have seen, working undercover in those kinds of places…
"What was it like?" The question slipped out before she gave herself time to reconsider it. Wes turned his head to raise an eyebrow at her, and she added hastily, "Working in Snagem, I mean."
A shadow passed over Wes' face. Rui noticed his eyes resting on the Snag Machine for a moment before he bit out a reply. "Miserable."
The bitterness in his voice was strong enough to make her wince. "I bet," she said softly. When Wes didn't reply, she added, "I'm...sorry you had to experience that."
He merely shrugged, and the conversation lapsed into silence. Rui mentally kicked herself. So much for being careful, stupid.
"It's blue, by the way."
Wes' voice was so quiet, she almost didn't hear him. She frowned at him in confusion. "Huh?"
"My favorite color." He shifted a little, his eyes focused straight ahead as the battle square came into view. "You asked earlier, and...it's blue."
Rui blinked, then slowly smiled. "Blue, huh? Like...this color?" She pointed at his coat.
He glanced down, then nodded.
"Hm. That's a nice color! It suits you," she said.
This time he did look at her, with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"Yes! It's a Wes color."
He snorted and shook his head, and this time, Rui really did see it: a tiny smile, just barely noticeable enough to be called one, tugging at the corners of his mouth. She almost pointed this out to him—then thought better of it. She wanted that smile to last as long as possible.
They fell silent, but this time Rui didn't feel any urge to break it. She leaned back against the wall behind them and looked skywards with a small smile. Was it just her, or was the sky even more beautiful than it was before…?
"Look, it's the guy who still owes me a battle!"
Rui turned her head to see precisely who they were looking for: Cail, trudging over from the other side of the square, eyes on Wes and wearing that same crooked grin. Another trainer, tall and lanky with a pair of harsh eyes like a Swellow's, followed just behind him, an Abra curled atop his shoulders.
Wes rolled his eyes. "Looking to continue your losing streak, then?" He shot Rui a sideways glance, and she knew they were both thinking the same thing. It's like he was waiting for us here.
Cail and his companion stopped just a few feet short of the pair. Ignoring Wes' jibe, he looked down at Rui and grinned wider. "And hey, you still have Carrot-top with you!"
Rui only just managed to mask her glare. "I'd rather my hair look like carrots than seaweed," she said evenly.
The other trainer barked out a laugh and clapped Cail on the shoulder. "Oooh, man, you gonna need a Burn Heal for that?" he asked mockingly.
"Shut up, Calda," said Cail, though his tone remained light.
And yet...Rui took a closer look at the rogue trainer. His tone was perfectly casual, that lackadaisical grin of his the same as usual, but they did not match the quivering, stuttering patterns in his aura.
He's...afraid. The hairs on the back or Rui's neck stood up. Afraid of what? Of Wes? But he hadn't been this way the first time they'd met, and he most certainly wasn't afraid of her…
Cail smirked at Wes. "Damn, she bites now. They grow up so fast." That grin of his would have been perfectly convincing if not for the shiver that rippled through the flames of his aura.
"What do you want?" Wes asked frostily.
"Well, normally I'd say I want a battle, but...not this time." Cail tipped his head back and shoved his hands in the pocket of his cargo pants, but Rui was focused on the flickering of his aura, which danced nervously like fire in the wind. "I'm here to talk business. But it ain't a conversation for this kind of place."
Wes' gaze hardened and he folded his arms. "Funny you should say that, as we have some questions for you ourselves." He glanced at Cail's companion. "But I'd rather you talk to us here or not at all. I'm not interested in meeting you in some shady corner."
Cail shrugged. "Thought you'd say that." He turned to Calda.
"Do it."
The other trainer moved so quickly Rui barely had time to see what he was doing. She caught a glimpse of him reaching up to his Abra, his lips forming a command, and then there was a flash of light, she heard Wes shout something—
A strange, eerie sensation enveloped her. It was cold, unpleasant, and sent shivers down her spine. Rui's limbs felt glued to her sides, white light blinded her from all sides, and she felt as though something invisible was squeezing around her middle, driving the air out her lungs so that she couldn't breathe, let alone scream—
Pop!
Color exploded back into Rui's vision as the ground became solid beneath her feet once more. The abrupt change was so jarring she stumbled and would have fallen had Wes not grabbed her by the arm to hold her steady.
Head reeling, Rui gripped his sleeve tightly and tried to make sense of what had just happened. They were now inside what looked like an abandoned warehouse of some sort, the tiles chipped and cracking, debris and empty boxes littering the floor and old, broken vending machines lining the walls.
"Cail!" Wes roared. He pushed in front of her, and with a flick of his wrist, sent three Pokéballs out on the floor. The light faded to reveal Maku, Kohna, and Novo, each of them immediately tensing into battle-ready stances upon release. Neo and Nani's Pokéballs were also poised in his hand, ready to be unleashed at any moment.
"You've got ten seconds to tell me what the hell is going on!" There was a look in Wes' eyes that Rui had never seen, an almost feral ferocity that made her chest tighten with fear. He took another step forward and raised a knife—a knife, a knife, where in Celebi's name did he get a knife—as his Pokémon flanked him on either side, replicating his fury with growls of their own.
"I wouldn't be so hasty, if I were you, kid." Another voice spoke from the shadows of the dimly lit room, and as the stranger stepped forward, Rui tightened her grip on Wes' coat in horror; there was no mistaking that unnerving voice, that brightly colored hair, and suddenly she was back in the burlap sack again, choking between shouts and sobs and gasping for air in the stifling heat—
Trudly tipped his head back and looked her dead in the eyes, lips curling over chipped teeth in a taunting sneer.
I liked the tension in the first scene. You can tell that Cipher's got a lot of power, cuz even Gonzap went from angry to fearful. I also liked the foreshadowing, as I presume the whole thing about Wes(and Rui) will lead to something.
I also enjoyed how it transitioned into a diary entry by Rui, and I like how she included emoji faces. I still think you characterize her relationship with Wes well. They're complete opposites, yet they somehow are still stuck together....well, stuck in Wes' mind. Rui obviously doesn't think that way.
I liked that you went into Rui's backstory more, about the Skitty, mom being from Hoenn, etc. You can tell that something definitely happened, something bad.
"...Oh." He relaxed a little at that. Then, with a smirk, he said, "Just trying to get to know you better, as a friend. Is that so bad?"
"Ooooh." Rui raised her eyebrows and leaned in, planting her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her palms. "Did I hear that right? Did you actually admit we're friends?"
"No. I just quoted you."
"Oh, get over yourself, Lycas. You totally just said we were friends."
"When the hell did you start calling me 'Lycas'?"
"Since we became friends, I guess!"
He rolled his eyes. "Gods. It was a joke."
"Right, right, we're just chatting and joking around. Wanna know what that's called?"
I love this bit right here. Might be my favorite moment, because it shows Wes is easing up a bit.
Rui nodded. "Yeah. I didn't realize it before, but...I do now." She paused and spared him a nervous glance. "Um, Wes? Where did everyone here get their Pokémon, then? Do you...do you think they were stolen?"
"Probably," he replied evenly. "Most of them, at least. If they weren't stolen from someone directly, then they probably got them from the black market in the Under."
The Under. Despite the afternoon heat, Rui had to suppress a shiver. She'd only heard stories of the city that lay at the depths of Pyrite Canyon, so far underground that sunlight never reached it. Once, old man Grover had told her there were still reports of Noctis circulating in the deepest slums of the city, and that the place was so eternally filthy they could never hope to eradicate the virus completely. Beluh had scolded him for trying to scare her, and promptly told Rui that it was no good to put stock in such rumors.
But whether or not the rumors were true, it never changed one thing that even Rui knew for certain: nothing good ever came from the Under.
"Do people from the Under come up here often, then?" She tried to mask her unease with a conversational tone.
Wes shook his head. "The opposite, usually. Pyrite citizens will take trips down there to find what they need. It's where all the shops around town get their supply of merchandise, and the Under gets it from other regions. Smuggling or something, probably."
Wes knows a lot about this. At first, I thought he might be from here, but it's probably due to him being Snagem.
"It's blue, by the way."
Wes' voice was so quiet, she almost didn't hear him. She frowned at him in confusion. "Huh?"
"My favorite color." He shifted a little, his eyes focused straight ahead as the battle square came into view. "You asked earlier, and...it's blue."
Rui blinked, then slowly smiled. "Blue, huh? Like...this color?" She pointed at his coat.
He glanced down, then nodded.
"Hm. That's a nice color! It suits you," she said.
This time he did look at her, with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"Yes! It's a Wes color."
He snorted and shook his head, and this time, Rui really did see it: a tiny smile, just barely noticeable enough to be called one, tugging at the corners of his mouth. She almost pointed this out to him—then thought better of it. She wanted that smile to last as long as possible.
They fell silent, but this time Rui didn't feel any urge to break it. She leaned back against the wall behind them and looked skywards with a small smile. Was it just her, or was the sky even more beautiful than it was before…?
Favorite moment might be a tie between that one and this bit right here. I like how Wes didn't answer at first, but then answered out of the blue. Pun intended.
You can tell that he's trying to open up, even if's a teeny bit.
Rui only just managed to mask her glare. "I'd rather my hair look like carrots than seaweed," she said evenly.
The other trainer barked out a laugh and clapped Cail on the shoulder. "Oooh, man, you gonna need a Burn Heal for that?" he asked mockingly.
So, I haven't reported in for quite a while. Turns out, listening to an audiobook for 2h straight every day is more taxing than I thought and I'm making less progress because of it. But! I'm now in the middle of "Evolution Origins". Let's see what I can recall so far.
- First of all, sorry for all the misspelled names. I only hear them. I now realise that it's Neo and Novo, not Nio and Nogo.
- The deal Wes made with Sherles seems pretty reasonable. The whole entire scene made a lot of sense, from Wes' reaction to Sherles coaxing him into cooperation to them hiding his past from Rui
- Wes in a family home? Can only end in tragedy. But I really like how his social anxiety starts to flare when he's at the table with them. So far he came off as "too cool for school", but now we see that his loner behaviour has a serious underlying cause, and doesn't only exist to be cool.
- Maku, Kona, Nami and the unknown Bayleaf: What a bunch of sweet peas! That chapter when Wes and Rui let them out of their balls for the first time tugged on my heartstrings - a lot. The three named mons show very distinct reactions to trauma, which are lifted straight from reality. I like how you've given Kona and Nami especially this very solid reasoning for how they act and react. I find it so interesting to see how different personality types react to stress differently. Also, Kona and the scratching? 10/10! Very underrepresented coping mechanism. I just feel bad for Bayleaf. And the creatively named Maku is so sweet too, looking out of the window like "woa world!" in his best days.
- Is Lady "Sexy Leather Gear Rui Antagoniser" having a comeback? Her introduction was kinda long for the little payoff it had.
- Neo actually fell out of a tree! So adorable. He is the best king around
- And Novo is so likeable too. Though I don't understand where Neo is in that fight? Why is it only Wes and Novo to duke it out with the three bullies?
Desperate to escape the lawless region of Orre, an ex-criminal named Wes attempts to leave both the desert and his past behind for good. Not all goes to plan, however, and soon he is caught in the middle of a dark and sinister plan that stirs quietly from the shadows.
Whispers of savage Pokemon, ruthless warlords, and a terrifying organization known as Cipher are rising from the sands, and Wes soon finds himself fighting to save the very region he was trying to forsake.
But demons from the past are cruel, and fighting corruption comes at a heavy price that not all are willing to pay.
Hey, hi, hello! Thanks for swinging by, and welcome to my first fanfic!
I decided to write about one of my favorite Pokémon games of all time, Pokemon Colosseum. I hope you'll enjoy taking this ride with me as I retell this fantastic story. As this is my first attempt at any kind of novelization, helpful feedback and critiques are more than welcome!
Please be advised that this story will have minor swearing, scenes of violence and death, and depictions of both Pokemon and child abuse. If any of these are sensitive topics for you, please use your discretion.
Last but not least, obvious disclaimer is obvious: I do not own Pokémon, but I do own my OCs.
Added extra details to the opening scene
Added in the Skarmory chase
Extra details in the cellar scene: Novo’s scar
Chapter 1: Escape
Some would say that "barren" and "Orre" were the same thing.
It would only take a brief view of the landscape to see why. The desert region sprawled for miles, seemingly without end, with little to no life in sight. The sun blazed down mercilessly on the copper sands as the winds whistled aimlessly across them. The only sign of life was the occasional tumbleweed that rolled lazily on by.
One thing disrupted the flat expanse: a series of cliffs, tucked away from the sands, which formed a narrow canyon. At this canyon's mouth sat a large building—or, at least, something that barely qualified as one. The structure, though massive, almost looked more like a pile of poorly assembled pipes and scrap metal than an actual building. Like its surroundings, this, too, was a quiet and still place, with only the howling canyon winds to break the silence.
It wouldn't be quiet for long.
BOOOOM!
An earth-rending explosion shattered the stillness. Flames burst from a section of the dilapidated building, followed shortly by screams. People in dark uniforms emerged from the blazing building, their faces masks of panic and confusion. Among the chaos, no one seemed to notice one person in particular dashing away from the scene, with two Pokémon sprinting at his side.
"Go, go, GO!" the young man shouted at his companions as he raced for a beat-up motorcycle parked on the desert sand. He sprang nimbly onto the seat, revved the engine, and glanced quickly into the sidecar, where his two partners should have been safely seated—only to find his Umbreon watching him tersely.
He glanced over his shoulder and found his Espeon a few yards away, yipping loudly at the people fleeing the burning building, tail waving triumphantly in the air. He didn't speak Pokémon, but the runaway figured if he did, he would be hearing a choice selection of colorful insults.
"Neo, you idiot-"
"Espi-esp, esp, esp! Es-SPI!?" The Espeon's barks cut short in a yap of surprise as his trainer hauled him off his feet and shoved him under one arm. He sprinted back to the motorcycle and dumped the creature rather unceremoniously into the sidecar next to his brother, ignoring the Pokémon's cries of indignation.
"LEO! I'LL KILL YOU, BOY!"
A terrifying roar of rage sounded from behind the trio, and the trainer turned his head to see his least favorite person in the world: a massive, hulking man with no hair (though he made up for that with an impressive beard and eyebrows), charging straight toward them, his face red and contorted with unfathomable fury. Several others, clad in dark clothing like the rest, flanked him on either side.
Anger and bitter satisfaction alike swelled inside the trainer's chest. He faced his now-former boss with a growl.
"If you're going to threaten me," he said, "call me by my real name." He sneered. "It's Wes, by the way. In case you forgot."
The man roared again, this time too incensed to form any words. He barreled toward the trainer and his Pokémon with a murderous expression, but this wasn't Wes' main cause of concern: a flash of light emerged from a Pokéball at the man's belt and took the shape of a metallic bird. The Pokémon spread its wings, emitted a blood-curdling screech, and took to the sky.
It was time to go.
The motorcycle engine started with a roar, and in one smooth motion, Wes swept astride the motorcycle. He raised his left arm high above his head, sunlight glinting off a strange metal contraption that encased it. Holding a small remote in his hand, he looked his boss dead in the eye, smirked, and pressed the button.
KA-BOOOM!
The second explosion was, if possible, even more impressive than the first, and nearly knocked every bystander off their feet. The giant man's bellows of rage were drowned out by a monstrous roar as the motorcycle kicked into gear. Its rider slammed on the gas and he launched the bike forward, narrowly missing a dive-bomb from the enraged Skarmory, and soon the crowd of people were left in the dust.
Skarmory flew overhead, shrieking horribly as it gave chase. Wes shouted a command to his Pokémon, but he needn't have bothered—his Espeon had already charged up a Psybeam and fired it at his foe.
A metallic clang followed by another agonized screech told Wes that the Psybeam hit its mark. He glanced over his shoulder to see the bird tumbling out of the sky and down to the sands below.
He laughed and let out a whoop of celebration, his companions joining in with triumphant cries, and the trio plowed through the desert until the base and its inhabitants were long out of sight.
——————————————————————————————————
The sun was sinking below the horizon and the temperatures had started to drop by the time their destination came into view: an old, rusty, seemingly abandoned train car. Near the door, a wooden sign swung lazily in the desert breeze. On its face, it read: OUTSKIRT STAND. The crusty thing had been converted into a diner, and though it wasn't much to look at, it was a place Wes was familiar with. Most importantly, it was a place where they would be safe for the night.
He hoped.
The motorcycle puttered to a halt as Wes pulled up to the establishment. Dim lights shone through the train car windows as old Western music hummed from an outdoor speaker. Wes stood and stretched his limbs—speeding through the desert for hours did his joints no favors—as his Pokémon followed suit, leaping nimbly from the vehicle and stretching their lithe bodies.
"All right, who's hungry?" He pushed his mirrored goggles off his face and into his sandy hair, revealing a pair of golden-colored eyes, and grinned at the two Eeveelutions. His Umbreon gave a yip of hearty affirmation. His Espeon, on the other hand, squinted at him, then sniffed airily and turned his head away from his trainer.
"Spi."
Wes heaved a weary sigh. He crouched down in front of his Espeon to be eye level with him despite the fact that the Pokémon was pointedly avoiding his gaze. "Neo. Is this about me manhandling you back there?"
The Pokémon, Neo, irritably flicked his tail in response.
Another sigh. "Look, I'm sorry. But there's a time and a place for gloating over a victory, and doing so while escaping from an exploding building is not it."
Neo flicked his ears back and looked at the ground, looking slightly abashed. "Esp." He then looked back up at his trainer with a small glare. "Espi-esp!"
"I know, I shouldn't have been so rough. I'm sorry, bud, really. How can I make it up to you?" Wes glanced at the Outskirt Stand, then back at his Pokémon with a sly grin. "How about I get you a whole plate of bacon and we call it even. Truce?"
Neo's eyes grew wide and he leaped to his feet. "Es-PI!" He waved his tail excitedly in the air, all injuries to his pride forgotten.
"Bri!" There was a reproachful bark from the Umbreon.
Wes rolled his eyes, but was still grinning despite himself. "Fine, fine, bacon for everybody. Don't get used to it though, you hear? This is a one-time deal."
He wasn't sure if they heard the last line, as they were already bounding excitedly to the entrance of the train car. Wes snorted in exasperated amusement, then followed his companions into the warmth of the diner.
—————————————————————-————————————-
Muffled cries, the screams of Pokémon, a child sobbing quietly in a corner - images and sounds flickered and blurred together, one coming right after the other as if in a disorganized photo reel.
A flicker, and there was a dark room, in which a child was sobbing over the limp form of a Pokémon's body. He looked up, tear-stained face twisted with anger. "This is YOUR FAULT!" he screamed.
The scene dissolved into darkness, and a man's husky, menacing voice spoke in a snarl. "It's time you learned this lesson, boy."
Another shift, another dark room littered with Pokémon lying ominously still, limbs splayed out in awkward angles—and there was another voice, a kinder voice, accompanied by a sad, tired smile.
"Do good, kid."
He sat bolt upright with a gasp, drenched in sweat and shivering. Breathing heavily, he glanced around the room. It took a moment to remember where he was: Outskirt Stand. The diner cellar. A night's stay in the musty place, where he and his Pokémon would be hidden from prying eyes.
Safe.
"Dammit—" He buried his face in his trembling hands. Again, he thought shakily. Again. When in Arceus' name will they stop?
He felt a gentle nudge at his arm, and raised his head to see his Umbreon looking up at him with wide, concerned eyes. "Umbri?" The markings on his coat glowed softly, gently illuminating the dark, dusty cellar.
Wes forced a feeble smile and placed a hand on the sleek black head. "I'm okay, Novo. Just some more bad dreams, is all." Beside him, Neo stirred and stretched out his legs before relaxing back into sleep with a gentle purr.
Novo, unconvinced, bunted into his arm again with his head. He placed a paw on his trainer's lap, giving him a stern stare.
"I know it'll help, bud, but I've got to be able to sleep on my own sometime." Wes closed his eyes briefly. He was exhausted, and yet returning to sleep would undoubtedly mean more nightmares, more voices, more things he'd rather forget...he opened his eyes again and looked at his Umbreon. "All right...just one more night," he said wearily.
Novo purred in response and brushed his face against Wes' shoulder. The two sat in silence for a moment, Novo leaning into him as Wes stroked the Umbreon's sleek black fur. He paused at Novo's left side, fingers brushing at old scars that he knew were still there, despite the fact that they were nearly invisible under the dark coat.
More memories flashed through Wes' mind, and he couldn't suppress the shiver that followed. Novo, sensing his trainer's distress, chirped and brushed against him again. Wes sighed and finally laid back down in his sleeping bag, closing his eyes. His Umbreon touched his nose to his forehead and purred gently, using Hypnosis.
Just before drifting off to a dreamless sleep, Wes had one last coherent thought.
Hello! I am here for Catnip! I've heard a lot of good things and I'm excited to read it! Unfortunately, work this week has left me with little free time so I couldn't dedicate enough time to do a full story review like I would have liked. So instead I'll leave a shorter one here for what I have read, then come back once I have some time to give a review of the story as a whole.
First I'll go over the characters. This early in the story and without any prior experience with the game this story is based on, I'm excited to learn about the characters as we go on. Wes seems like an interesting main character with a sense of humor when it comes to his enemies. The care that he shows towards his Pokemon is also really sweet since it's obvious how close he is to the two of them. One thing that makes me curious is Wes' past. From what little we see in the first flashback, tragedy seems to follow him like it does any protagonist.
As for the Pokemon themselves - Espeon and Umbreon - something tells me they'll be characters themselves instead of simple tools or weapons. While still early, I do love how much personality the two of them have. Especially Espeon deciding that taunting its enemies at such a crucial time takes priority over escaping. It just fills it with so much character! Their love of bacon is also something I can appreciate... even if I'm now wondering where that bacon comes from.
Finally there's the writing itself. It's really good from what I've seen so far. It flows nicely, it's vivid and paints a picture in my mind perfectly, and it has a wonderful style of its own. It's made me hooked on what's happening and eager to see more!
That's it for this initial review. I'll post a larger, more comprehensive review once I have the time.
Firstly, loving the scene between Ein and Gonzap. I don't recall this being in the game, so it's nice having this direct link between them at this point in the story. I remember the first time I played Colo so many years ago being confused as to just who worked for who, and the strange names made it even harder to keep track.
Hey, it's me again, back for another data entry! Ugh, I don't even know what I'm saying. Who am I even talking to? This feels weird. Wes says to just write what we know so far—and that's what I've been doing, but he says little personal notes like this aren't necessary. So I'll try to keep it more straightforward this time. ;D
Hah, Rui uses emotes in her journal entries! I love how her note is in such contrast to Ein's note in the previous scene. It's also interesting to note how Duking is concerned over the lack of evolutions. There's been countless pokemon who have chosen to forgo evolution willingly, so perhaps his concern comes from the fact that shadows are simply incapable of it rather than whether or not they want to? It also poses the question of why Ciper wouldn't allow their shadows to evolve? Sure, turning a pokemon into a shadow makes them overall more powerful, but why would they prevent that natural power progression in the process? Did they just hope/expect shadowization to be more powerful than evolution? Was preventing evolution just a (possibly unexpected) side-effect? Gonna be interesting to see how you answer this!
So I know you posted Wes and Rui's interaction snippet on the server, but I still love it. You really know how to work the slow burn! These two are so cute together. I just love Rui being Rui here, carefree and friendly, trying to lighten up Wes even at her own expense.
Uh oh. Did Lon not realize his Slugma was a shadow? Obviously he didn't want Wes to take him, either way, but it's hard to tell here. I would imagine he probably kept Mel secret because he did know and didn't want Wes to take him, but it also seems like he had no idea he was a shadow, only that he was stronger than his other pokemon.
Even after many questions, Lon hadn't been able to tell them much, except for a vague description of the man's orange hair and that he went by the name "B." Apparently, he had approached the boy near a bar off main street that was common Valor territory, and the "favor" he'd asked of Lon was to smuggle a handful of weapons from Mystic's base in exchange for a "special Pokémon." When Rui expressed her horror that anyone would ask a child to do something so dangerous, Wes had merely shrugged and said, "Street kids are the safest bet. To them, they're expendable."
Aww, Wes taking an interest in Rui for a change! Oh, and there she is, acknowleging it! OH MY GOD West just called her a friend!
I don't recall this final scene happening in the games (though, again, I haven't played them in ages), so very interesting cliffhanger to abandon us on!
So next chapter we get some more slow burn as Wes tries to protect Rui, eh?
Hi!! This is for the Catnip round. I have very little experience with the Orre games (I’ve only played a little bit of XD), so I was really excited to see what the direction of the story would be! I read the first four chapters because I wanted to see the bigger picture and I was not disappointed- they were all great! Also, the art is just wonderful- I assume the ‘hy’ signature is yours :P Now, on to the review:
The opening chapter was fantastic in terms of characterization and motivation. We’re going to spend a lot of time with Wes and his Eeveelutions, and I thought the way you immediately cemented the personality of these three characters was fantastic. Wes, with his ever-present overwhelming desire to escape and blow everything up on the way out (and the paranoia that comes with that); Novo’s stoic, obedient nature; and Neo’s more maverick streak compared to his tamer brother.
Once they escape and Snagem is out to get Wes, you develop a fantastic feeling of suspense in the following chapters. You make Wes’s paranoia palpable throughout, and spotting Wakin in Phenac is a great oh shit/payoff moment. The stakes are real and Wes could very well get rocked if he’s not careful. Snagem is clearly hot on his trail and they will go to great lengths to get back at him for blowing everything up.
Props as well on the battle scene- not only was it detailed, it felt varied. I’ve found myself falling into the trap of writing fights in a way so similar to the stilted main series/anime way, so your take was refreshing to read, not to mention engaging. On top of that, you did an excellent job of showcasing the bond between Trainer and Pokémon when the going got tough. Not only do they care for each other, but they are a well-oiled fighting machine as well. Your superb characterization again shone through here.
I have to say, though, that I think my favorite bit so far is Rui. She is absolutely delightful as Wes’s foil, but it’s great she has other facets besides “peppy girl who Wes begrudgingly takes in.” She quickly earns her spot in the little squad and you do a great job showing how the group dynamic shifts with her introduction. I’m looking forward to seeing how her relationship with Wes evolves.
Anyways, to cap it off, I can’t wait to keep reading and follow up on the plot threads you’ve been carefully laying down. Godspeed!! :)
I really enjoy the overall trend of the story so far. I think its evolving nicely. They are moving slowly but I think in the scope of what your whole story is going to be its not bad. In 15 we get a glimpse into some of Wes's implied history with Renna, and some flashbacks. We advance some development with Wes. I have to say, the second time I read 15 I liked Renna's character more. On my first read I had a natural slight sus only because I see so many annoying girls lol.
Anyways I like her. She's a foil to Wes, in a way, a glimpse at a different route Wes culd have taken. It's clear at some point there was a split, where they were a thing of sorts but probably disagreed and drew apart. Where Wes's hatred lent himself to break away rebel, Renna chose to seed herself deeper, both doing whatever they thought was necessary to protect their families.
Poor Wes though, doing what he felt he had to to save other lives too, destroying the snagem machines... the interaction with Renna shows how he still struggles.
Chapter 16 was adorable because seeing Rui's perspective of Wes really flips things! I have to say, compared to my foggy memories of how things went in earlier chapters, I like Rui way better. I feel like this look into her side of things, plus a few key things really sells it for me.
A lot of my gripes from Grumpshine type setups come from the girl who had a tame life acting kind of high and mighty in a way thats never addressed, and this makes the girl feel incredibly cold and unsympathetic.
Now this line was great. The fact that she draws a parallel between Lon and Wes, realizing this must be a glimpse at the struggles he faced highlighted that she's, you know, aware. And she cares.
I'd love to highlight this line as well. The response to his seemingly nonchalant comment Wes makes about eating and realizing like, 'wow Wes did not have it easy.'
Rui is a MOOD. Loved this glimpse into her side, and her struggles she grapples with. WHich is none of course! She's not internalisiing or repressing all her fears and worries about being useless and helpless because of what happened to her she's doing ffiinnnneeee.
Anyways I also loved the awkward, charmingly bumbling attempts at Rui befriending Wes, and Wes slowly warming up to her. They're adorablleeeeee
also GIVE ME MORE QUICK YOU CANT MAKE ME WAIT LIKE THIS UGHHH
P.S. The little 'april fools' is adorable and I really want more short drabbles/special episode type stuff. Omg pls.
Loved the interactions between the various pokemon and how their unique personalities shine.
