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Goolix

Junior Trainer
Wow! Chapter 3 was quite long! I didn't quite have a line by line for this one, but here are the ones I have comments on:

Ebony glanced around the cargo hold with wide-eyed curiosity while the Squirtle took one look at the battle and promptly retreated into its shell.
A highly reasonable response on Squirtle's part to the present situation.
Firestorm’s brow furrowed. “*Why not?*” Why not? Couldn’t he see how dangerous it was?
Having Rudy's response follow a line break would make it easier to read.
Its eyes were creepily blank and soulless, just like the Scyther’s had been. What was the deal with these Pokémon?
The "creepily" is unnecessary here. I might even merge these two sentences: "Its eyes were as blank and soulless as the Scyther's."
“Nah, Typhlosion is the one made of hot stuff.”
😎
Firestorm looked a bit puzzled at first. “*Catch? Humans can… catch Legendaries? Just like Pokémon?*”
An interesting bit of lore reveal! Firestorm sees Pokemon and Legendaries as being distinct sorts of categories. Legendaries even gets a capitalization in the text. And Legendaries are so remote to Firestorm (and presumably to other Pokemon) that the idea they can be captured seems to exist in a different universe. Good setup!
I edged around the corner just enough to see another striped firedog, this one flashing a horrifyingly vicious snarl at us. Typhlosion and Arcanine recoiled slightly, losing some of the tension in their stances.

“Crap, gonna hit us with Intimidate, is that it?” Spencer mumbled through gritted teeth.
A good attempt at translating Intimidate (a weird ability!) to prose!

This chapter really kept the tension up and did not let up, not even at the end! I appreciate that the experimental Pikachu's destruction of a window and the subsequent icing over ended up being important to the gang as a potential getaway venue. Spencer comes across as someone who's watched a lot of action movies, constantly giving a little wisecrack. Combined with his higher-leveled Pokemon, it definitely succeeds in impressing Jade that he's got things under control - only he's flying by the seat of his pants as much as the rest of them.

Seeing that the chapter ends on a cliffhanger, I hope there will be an opportunity to rest with these characters once it's been resolved. Like Jade, we're all hopped up on the adrenaline after witnessing a teennapping and wannabe rescuers, but we haven't had time to chill and figure out what the heck is going on. Jade is definitely going to be on the edge of her nerves after what just happened. And it was thoughtful of her to take that Pikachu with her, even if it was, you know, trying to crash the plane and everyone in it :copyka:
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
The story of an inevitable war, the humans that tried to stop it,
and all the reasons their failure was written into the universe itself.
Hello, Chibi, I figured now was as good a time as any to pop in for a first review for you!

This teaser does a great job of catching interest. It really feels like your fic has something to say about the mentioned war. I'm curious what the effects of that war were and why it was inevitable.

dd65yqr-e5907892-9d6f-49c6-a7f2-d87c03e9b608.png
I have no idea what this art represents but it's done well. The person looks like they are fighting against something trying to hold them down. The stare is on some goal far away and this person isn't going to give up. Either the memory of Lugia was important, or perhaps Lugia is powering this person up in some way. I'll be curious how the art ties into the story, although it seems mostly symbolic so I doubt it will be a direct tie in, but who knows?

Hello everyone, and welcome to LC, a trainer fic that was first started on December 14, 2001. Yes, you read that right, this fic is twenty years old.
That's incredible that it was started so long ago. I bet it's gone through quite the journey of reposts, revisions, and editing since then.

You might have seen it floating around various other fanfiction websites over the years. After twelve revisions, four rewrites, and multiple hiatuses, I'm finally on track to actually finish this ridiculous, over-the-top story about Rockets, Legendaries, betrayal, conspiracy, war, destiny, timespace, and infinity.
Wow... What a journey! Did you end up finishing it yet? :eyes:

LC is rated PG-13 for violence, blood, language, and dark subjects including torture, trauma, emotional abuse, and suicide. Individual chapters with an elevated rating will be given content warnings.

The first six or so chapters of the fic are absolutely loaded with clichés. Don't worry, it's intentional. This definitely isn’t a normal trainer fic, and I’ve done my best to realistically explore the repercussions of the tropes that I’m using. If you like seeing characters pushed to their breaking point in increasingly bad situations, then this is the fic for you.
Ooo! It sounds kind of like what I do with my own fic! :eyes:

LC doesn't take place in any particular canon, and is mostly an excuse to show off my various headcanons on how the Pokemon world functions. If you're curious, this fic was heavily inspired by Pokemon Special, Mewtwo Returns, The Quest for the Legends, and Animorphs. So if you like any of those things, you might like this.
I like the inspiration. Sounds like you based your fic off the Pokemon anime, in that case.

This is gonna be a long ride. So strap yourselves in and get ready, because I’ve reached the point where the plot don’t stop.
Well, until it is done, right? Unless you just plan on this being a forever fic...

Any and all constructive criticism is welcome. If you want an area to focus on, I prefer comments on execution over premise.
Makes sense.
This story began with the human who rejected infinity.
It will end with the human who accepted it.
Hmm this bit is vague but it is also kind of spoiler. Once you know what it means by infinity, like what context and referring to what, you already know how the fic will end. I suppose it does leave it open-ended for what kind of an ending it will have. In theory, it could be someone evil who ends it. In fanfiction, you can never be completely sure about that, but given all the time and effort you have put in, I don't think you could bring yourself to let the villain win, so you are essentially confirming that the hero wins in the end which kind of takes some of the suspense out. Then again, if you wrote nothing at all, I suppose the assumption would be the same. Huh. Well that was unusually circular of me...

In that case, I can move on to the content of it. It sounds like it sets up for something massive by the end of the fic. Something spectacular. There is intrigue on what was rejected and what will later be accepted.

~PROLOGUE~
I like the way you styled this. I might try to go back and do something similar for my fic. I'm not sure.

There was no light in the depths of the sea. No disturbances, no strife. Nothing but calm, sweet silence and solitude, and that was how the guardian of the seas liked it. The ancient being had spent countless hours in the heart of its domain, taking in the whispers and wanderings of a thousand sea currents. Guiding them with its wings. This was how things were meant to be. This was ideal.

At least, until a jolt of awareness in the back of its mind suddenly woke it from its slumber.

Piercing blue eyes snapped open, glowing within the pitch-darkness. The eyes narrowed as their owner contemplated the intrusion. Some kind of psychic signal. Perhaps the sea guardian could ignore it. Pretend it had felt nothing, and sleep for several more months. It knew that signature, and therefore who must have sent it. The guardian knew what they wished to discuss and wanted no part in it.
Wow, as the first real sample of your writing, this is probably one of the strongest starts in a prologue I have seen lately in terms of writing quality. Not only does it convey image and intent, but I would even go so far as to describe it as artful. If this is the typical quality of your fic, then you have one immensely impressive fic! :eyes:

As for the plot, I wonder who is reaching out?

The future was full of many uncertainties. Not so in the deep. The deep was always dark and always would be. The deep was always calm—not like the surface. The deep could always hide those who wished to be hidden.

Another psychic signal prodded at the back of the creature’s mind, and it let out a sigh. It wasn’t going to be getting back to sleep, was it. Apparently, solitude was too much to ask for.

Something was approaching. Another mind had brushed against the guardian’s psychic field. A deep-sea fish of some kind—Relicanth, perhaps. Not that there was any question who it truly was. They weren’t even bothering to hide their psychic presence, after all.

<Are you awake?> came a cool, clear psychic voice, light as an afternoon breeze.

<I am now.>

Relicanth airily drifted around the much larger guardian, their movements playful. Rather unbecoming for that form.

<Are you coming?>

<Must I?>

Relicanth lightly headbutted the creature’s wing with a giggle. <I can teleport you if you like.>
Wait... Relicanth is a water/rock type! How does it have psychic powers? Is it Mew? Did Mew use transform?

<No. I’ll fly by my own wings.>

<Suit yourself.>

With a flash of light that felt disturbingly out of place for the deep, Relicanth vanished.

Alone once again. The sea guardian would have liked nothing more than to return to its meditation. But the Order no doubt wished to discuss the state of things. It couldn’t be helped.
The state of things? Something must be wrong and I'm guessing the order is a council of legendary Pokemon and Mew was actually the one that came to visit Lugia.

With a single flap of its wings, the creature shot up from the ocean floor like a silver torpedo. The crushing depths released their hold as it flew through the water, countless fish scattering in its wake. Closer, closer… the waters grew lighter. There—the inviting glimmer of the surface.

The legend rocketed out of the sea. Cool, salty air swept over its body, a sharp contrast to the water’s embrace. The sensation prickled like needles against its feathers, but still, there was something freeing about beating its wings through currents of wind and taking gulps of air that burned sweetly in its unused lungs.
Dang. That's some beautiful imagery there. Well done! :wowzard:

The sky was so different from the deep, but felt just as right. Flying was, indeed, one of the simplest joys in the world. The legend effortlessly soared higher and higher, its wings stealing bits of silvery cloud to shield it from view. One could never be too careful, especially these days.

Each passing day brought them closer to the one when the balance would fall, just as it had so long ago.
I wonder if that is a prophecy or if it's just a general expectation of inevitability?

The sea guardian had not witnessed that time itself, but every legend knew the tale.
Ah, so Lugia is aware of other legends meaning the order is most likely what I think it is and my guess for Relicanth is likely correct.

Even the humans had stories from the cataclysmic era. And soon the conflict would resurface. No one had wanted to believe it, but recent events had confirmed those fears.

It was a strange thought, knowing that the balance of the world would soon unravel again. Would they be ready? It wasn’t as if the Order had no course of action before them. They all knew what was required. They’d known for ages. The search would have to begin soon.
The search? The search for what, I wonder?

Even as the fires of the Revolution subside, the balance that the Order fought so hard to preserve is already on the inevitable path to being torn apart once again. Seven among them—the ones who dedicated both mind, body, and spirit toward ending the war—shall be empowered to forge an alliance with humankind so that both might endure.
Hmmm what war? And I wonder who the seven are? I'm guessing Lugia is one of the seven.

Such a strange course of action, joining the two sides together. But the legend knew just as well as the others that it couldn’t refuse. It had seen the threads of fate with its own eyes, much as it hated to admit it. The real question was… when would the conflict reach a point that the interlopers would be forged?
Interlopers forged? Huh... I wonder what that is referring to.

Lugia gazed down over the mainland, its mind swimming with doubts. The next seven years would be interesting, that much was certain.

~~~~~~~~~~

The school bell’s loud ring filled the air—and it was about time, too. I quickly stuffed my books into my backpack before following after my classmates and pretending I hadn’t heard the last-minute assignment that we’d been given. It would have been just a normal afternoon, except my head was still filled with rumors from that morning.
Oh no... After what we just saw, I think it's clear that the fate of the world is going to depend on a school kid. Given how long the fic is, I imagine it will be a harrowing and horrible experience for this person. :eyes:

I stood on my toes as I glanced back and forth down the hallway, hoping I’d spot Starr somewhere in the crowd. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen, but I did manage to spot my friend Ajia, a small fifth-grader with dark hair and eyes. At least I’d get to talk to her before the end of the day.
Considering the friend, I would say it is likely our protagonist is also a fifth-grader. Since the protagonists focus seems to be on girls, I would guess our protagonist is also a girl.

“Hey Ajia!” I called out, waving to her from the crowd of fourth-graders before quickly running over to her.
Oh, so the protagonist is in 4th grade, it would seem.

“Heya, how was class?” she asked.

“Eh… failed a Pokéspeech quiz—you know, as always,” I replied with a shrug.

Ajia laughed. “Yeah, that class is a whole lot of confusing doom when you first start out. It gets better later on, though,” she said.
It's a wonder anyone can understand them at all, really!

“Mm,” I replied. This was my third semester at it, so I wasn’t really just starting out. I didn’t feel like saying that, though. And my mind kept wandering back to what had been bothering me most of the day. “So, uh… have you seen Starr? I didn’t even see her at lunch.” I fidgeted a bit, unsure how to ask what I wanted to know. “Is it really true that she’s…?” My words trailed off and died.

Ajia sighed. “She… told me she didn’t want to talk about it with you ‘cause she knew you’d take it the hardest.”
Huh... some kind of bad news, it seems. The MCs mannerisms seem feminine to me so far, so I'm guessing they are a girl.

“What? What does that even—ugh, I’ve got to talk to her before she leaves.”

“I think she’s waiting for a ride out front right now. If you hurry, you might catch her.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Okay, I’ll see you on Monday!” I yelled, immediately taking off through the double doors behind me.

The bright afternoon sun stung my eyes as I raced down the sidewalk. I quickly glanced at each of the kids sitting on the ledge by the parking lot… and then spotted Starr sitting off to the side, head bent low so that her short brown hair hid her face. My footsteps slowed. I hesitated for a bit before walking up to her.

“Hey Jade,” Starr mumbled as I neared, without looking up at me.
Jade... that doesn't help me in the slightest since it could just as easily be used for guys or girls! Assuming Jade is the one depicted on the cover art, I STILL can't tell if Jade is a guy or a girl! :unquag: The art looks more like a guy, so I'm going to go with guy for now...

I sat down next to her, but didn’t say anything at first. She had only vaguely hinted at what was going on, and I had no idea what I was supposed to think.

“So… this is really your last day at school here?” I finally asked.

Starr nodded slowly without looking up.
Well, that's sad. It seems Starr is a good friend of Jade... :sadwott:

“Where are you moving to?” I asked cautiously. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it… and I almost didn’t want to know.

In a low voice she muttered, “Cianwood.” I didn’t even know where that was supposed to be.

It was like nothing around us existed. I couldn’t get my thoughts straight—all of this had come up too fast. Sure, I’d known that she was going to leave at the end of the school year, to start her Pokémon training journey. And I’d been trying not to think about it. But I’d thought we’d have three more months together. Not… this.

“It’s not fair!” I cried, burying my face in my arms. “Why’d this have to come out of nowhere? And moving on your birthday? What’s up with that?”

“I don’t know,” Starr replied with a huff. “It’s all my mom’s idea, and she didn’t tell me anything. And Dad’s not even coming with us.”
Daaang it sounds like there might be a divorce involved too. Based on Jade's reaction, I'm wondering if romantic attraction is at play here too.

I slowly uncovered my face. “You never really see your dad much anymore… do you?”

She shook her head.

“Still… it’s dumb that your mom won’t tell you why all of this is happening,” I added.

“Yeah, she just keeps saying that she wants me and my brother to have a better life that we couldn’t have gotten here. Or something like that,” Starr grumbled.
Hard to say if that is just a justification used. Either way, Starr is powerless to stop the change the outcome. :sadwott:

“Hey, that’s right—what does your brother think about all of this? Isn’t he friends with Ajia?”

Starr sighed. “I don’t know, Lexx has been acting weird and not talking to me much lately,” she said with a scowl.

Neither of us said anything else for a while. I just stared at the ground, feeling sort of lost.

“Why didn’t you want to talk to me before you left?” I finally asked.

She sighed again. “I didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it, okay?”
I think Starr is hurting from it and focusing on it will make her feel even worse. Makes me wonder if Starr had romantic feelings for Jade, though her reaction would be understandable even if she didn't.

“Who says I was gonna?”

Starr laughed. “What do you think you’re doing right now?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but then realized that she’d got me with that, so I just glared at her.

“Pfft, see what I mean? You’re such a little kid,” Starr said, smirking.

“Don’t call me that!” I yelled, punching her in the shoulder, but she just laughed even harder. Yeah, I was annoyed, but I was also glad to see her smiling. Anything to make things feel normal.
Whaaat? Ok I doubt Jade is a guy now. What guy punches a girl even in jest as a retort? Well, at this point, one thing is clear to me: You are making this difficult on purpose. 😑

“So… were you planning to get a starter Pokémon, or is it just gonna be you and Ponyta?” I asked.

“Of course I’m getting a starter,” Starr said with a scoff, like there was no way she wouldn’t. “I’m gonna see if they have any water-types. I’d love to train a Totodile.”

I smiled. “Yeah? That’s cool. It just sucks that I won’t be able to start my journey for three more years.
Three more years?! :wowzard: Isn't Starr at most a 5th grader?? :unquag: I wonder how the start of a Pokemon journey is determined? 🤔

Then I could meet up with you and…” My voice trailed off as the realization hit me.

“Hey—hey, wait! If you’re gonna be a Pokémon trainer, that means you can travel anywhere you want, right? So then you can come visit Viridian way before I start my journey!”

Starr paused, blinking in surprise. “I… hadn’t thought of that.”

My face fell. Why wasn’t she more excited about it? She was just kind of… staring into space, distracted.

“You… will visit, right?” I asked quietly.

Starr blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. “Huh? Yeah, of course. It might be a while, but I will. Promise.”

Something in her face told me that she wanted to say more. I kept waiting, expecting her to turn towards me and finally say it, whatever it was. But she never did. And I was too afraid to ask.
Huh... I wonder what has her so preoccupied?

We sat there for some time. It was probably only a few minutes, but I wanted it to last forever.
With this bit, Starr is clearly a very good friend and perhaps a romantic interest.

Eventually, Starr glanced up at a blue car that had just parked along the curb. She stared at it for a few seconds, then stood up and threw her backpack over her shoulder before walking towards the car, feet dragging a bit. She had only taken a few steps when she paused, turning back towards me one last time.

“Bye.”

Just hearing that one word made me feel weirdly numb. I forced a smile—it felt fake, and I could tell from her face that she wasn’t fooled.

I didn’t watch as she got in the car.
Man... that's so sad! 😭

~END PROLOGUE~
A bit of an unsual prologue, I admit. Two halves that have nothing to do with each other, but which both lay important groundwork for the plot later on.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that. If anything, it made things more interesting.

And speaking of the plot, this fic might be a long runner, but the plot kicks into high gear immediately in Chapter 1.
Oh. I was enjoying the writing, so I wouldn't have minded if it took it's time, but starting sooner is fine too, I guess.

So if you're at all unsure right now, well... you'll know pretty soon if this fic is for you.
Everything was pretty good, but I wish there was an indication of if Jade had or did not have any romantic attraction for Starr. I want there to be romance, but if there isn't going to be any with her, I wish the fic would make it immedately clear by Jade thinking of her as a friend or giving some indication of romantic feelings...

It's also weird how I have no clue if Jade is a boy, girl, or even a they. I can't tell from the art, the name, the mannerisms, nothing. You've created a perfectly ambiguous character. I hope you're happy. 😑

Closing thoughts:
This fic has some rather breath taking descriptions and is great at building intrigue and suspense. It also tugged on my heart strings at how Starr is moving away.

My only beef is you being a troll about Jade's gender. If Jade is a they, that's fine, but tell me! I'm so confused! :unquag:
 

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Premium
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
HI CHIBI! I am.........finally here to make good on our review exchange from last year because I'm a dumb slut who drags ass on everything. This will be covering chapter 6-10, an absolute fucking ride of a batch.

Prefacing this with an obligatory "I took a shot every time Stalker was hot" and now I have alcohol poisoning. Lets get on with it.

So, starting with the S.S. Anne arc...I'll begin by saying that I like these little flashback sections at the beginning of some of these chapters. I like seeing Jade in a state where her life wasn't in the process of completely spinning out of control, and I especially like seeing her interactions with Starr (everything I know about them outside of the fic aside LOL). KNOWING Starr's daddy is Giovanni, iirc, is just a steaming helping of dramatic irony on all of this.....like damn bro your prodigal bestie's dad is the reason you've almost gotten yourself killed 5 times before chapter 10. Good luck have fun, I guess???

I REALLY liked more Chibi insight, although I laughed my ass off when he was just like "it's Chibi, not Pikachu"--the most Roll Credits moment ever. I'm actually kinda dying to know what the in-story reason for his preference for that name is? Like he's so stoic and to the point but is okay with the most UWU name (my favorite archetype).

I'm sure you've mentioned it before but my room temperature IQ can't keep up with remembering, so it'll be a beeg surprise when I get to it (provided it comes up at all).

Was also kind of obsessed with him playing bad cop?!?!? I mean I know bro is capable of like a small genocide, but I was obsessed with him doing the interrogation while Jade's standing there COMPLETELY unsure of what to do with herself. I can't wait for her to nut the fuck up and start beating ass. Her growth is gonna be so good. I should also mention that, aside from that, I just like how real she is. It was such a serve that she just turned to Chibi and was like "hey I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do with you or why you're here but I'm also not gonna tell you to leave..." Like, I love a forthright queen. Slay 💅

Chapter 7 starts with Ajia interaction and I maintain my vehement desire to know what the fuck she's up to cuz I know that bitch isn't innocent here. I am almost certain she's one of Stalker's personal bootlickers and where can I sign up to be one too i can overlook the blatant disregard for child labor laws

Mmmmmm Jade largely questionable decision to leave your other partners behind. Chibi had it so right, their lives are in danger either way so why not let their lives be in danger on their terms? Smh my head, trust your fuckin' partners Jade!

I have to tell you that this chapter winded the FUCK out of me. Run around and fill pockets with live bombs is an insane workout and I know Jade is JACKED for it, but Jesus Christ. The writing around it was very visceral to me. I know the feeling of being so winded after running or overexerting yourself that you literally can't breathe or talk and it's fucking awful.......and even worse that it was ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING. I am very happy that the ship captain took her seriously though, I was almost anticipating a "that's nice young fetus lets get you back to bed."

Also, YAY FIRESTORM EVOLUTION, I AM SO PROUD OF HIMB!!!! Also 2x, JADE AND CHIBI FINALLY HAVE A BONDING MOMENT OF COLLECTING BOMBS AND HE GETS KIDNAPPED? BRO I CAN'T STAND YOU.

Chapter 8 has a longer Stalker introduction so I can forgive you for now, I guess.

But to backtrack, yeah. Absolute shitshow. I know you said in your notes that you did a lot of research about how ships are laid out and how they work, and it definitely showed in 7 and 8. Although, I did wonder how intense the explosion would be? I mean, if there were so many mines set up in the bowels of the ship, I kind of imagined it would be enough to like blow the ship in half......but then again, I guess cruise ships are pretty fucking big, and if all the mines had the power of say, standard grenades, maybe the result wouldn't be as catastrophic as I'm thinking. I'm 100% not smart enough to be putting this much thought into this so enjoy my floundering.

I need to remark how stressful the "everybody jump!" moment was for me, like I could FEEL IT in the atmosphere you set. I also just loved the image of everyone pooling their Pokemon together to help one another out. The flying type trainers took to the skies and everyone with water 'mon just let as many people as they could jump on. I was hoping for a VERY CONVENIENT WAILORD APPERANCE but hey we can't always get what we want :cry:

AND LUGIA!!! I mean I know she doesn't know it's Lugia but I fucking know. Bro's cooking behind the scenes. He not finna let his girl die (yet)

My one note for this chapter is that I can tell it's implied that some people died on the ship, but it felt like a lot of inference and not a whole lot of outward "yeah this definitely happened." I suppose my homicidal mind would have just liked to see more SHOWING that there were casualties. A trainer on the deck crying because their friend is still below, only to find them later distraught because they know their friend didn't make it off. Or maybe even a body or two? I don't know, it felt like a really traumatic moment, and yet the narrative kind of rushes us through it--and I'll give Jade credit, it might just be because she's good at brushing off the bad? She's been swallowing all the blows really well. Even so, I would have liked to have seen some additional pause and realizing the gravity of what just happened with some additional visuals to back it up. If that makes sense.

You already know what I'm gonna say about Lelouch from Code Geass. I'm actually so impressed and feral over the fact that he took off his fucking helmet. Although I'm kind of disgusted with myself--no older than 18????? YOU LET ME BE A CASE CATCHER THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD?????? The Sind reputation of accidentally lusting after characters that are far too young for her continues.

For the sake of everything above, he's 25. I know he's your character but don't correct me. He needs a developed frontal lobe for me to be okay with this.

9 starts with a battle, which I think we needed? I don't think we've seen Jade battle in a setting that wasn't, you know, for her fucking life, too. And against opponents that wouldn't absolutely obliterate her, too. I think you did a really great job of showing just how unsure of herself she is; I laughed my fucking ass off when Darren was like "damn bitch it's like that was your first battle or something." Oh honey if only you knew.....it's the first one where losing wouldn't result in imminent death (or kidnapping at the very least--Giovanni don't orchestrate the kidnapping of your kid's only friend)

I was going to make a comment that I'm impressed that she won, but she has the right idea--Swift won it for sure. And I Ioved seeing him get so, like....thoughtful about it. Thinking about what he could do better, standing by to watch other battles so he can ruminate a little more. The thought of this wittol fuzzy pidgey just thinking very hard about battle tactics got me squeeing. He's gonna be an absolute UNIT of a pidgeot, evolution when????

I also did not realize this was so far in the future??? Year 2983?? The Jonas Brothers are rolling rn.

I did have a question about one particular paragraph that gave me some pause:

“Mm, then you wouldn’t have gotten a room number registered to your license when you signed up. You’ll need this,” he said, handing me a small plastic card. “It’s a card key for a room here. And since I’m renting the stadium and letting everyone stay in it for free, you won’t be paid as much as I had originally intended,” he added.
This is so small but I reread this 8 times trying to parse what he was saying. Is she getting paid less because she needed a room key? If his plan all along was renting the stadium and letting everyone stay there for free, then how is she not getting paid much as he originally intended?

Feel free to tell me I have weed brain, but I was really trying to figure out his logic here :ROFLMAO:

Pushing that aside, I enjoyed some Firestorm backstory!!! I can't wait for him to become a charizard; he's gonna be so excited.

And now I have another question.....Stalker, WHY would you tell your army of impressionable ankle biters that the wild battle they just watched was staged?????? You're trying to prove to them that they can weasel their way out of situations, so how does denoting it was staged help with their confidence around that??? If it were me, I'd be like "FUCK YOU MEAN IT WAS STAGED??? WE'RE BONED." I guess I can kinda see the point he was trying to make, but I feel like it would make more sense for him to be like "yeah see they did that" then maybe he makes a side comment to Jade later like "jsyk that was staged." Or something.

Took me a second to realize chapter 10 was a time skip. I was really caught off guard by Swift being referred to as a pidgeotto, so that might be worth dropping somewhere closer to the start of the chapter? Not a major thing because I caught on quickly, but worth considering!

Really enjoyed Jade having to deal with battle after battle, and REALLY enjoyed her having that ah-ha moment about pursuit. Her growth is really starting to show through here--you've been masterful at the slow burn underdog to hero thing, with how she's having full conversations with her 'mon when she couldn't even get her trainer license in the first place because she was failing pokespeech, and how just 6 weeks prior she was stumbling through her first real battle but is now rawdogging 3 back-to-back battles before fighting Stalker himself. GET THAT GROWTH GIRL.

Also loved Stalker not really fighting her and her team, but more coaching them. I thought him encouraging Firestorm and giving Swift kudos for figuring out Twister was really cute. I don't know what Tetra keeps going on about, he's so daddy for that.

And:
I was pretty sure he’d never be able to enter the room without it being a big dramatic deal to everyone.
That's by his own design, Lelouch Lamperouge lookin' motherfucker.

AND WE'RE FINALLY IN TEAM ROCKET. And oh gee, I wonder what legendary they're going after? (I want to say this sarcastically because I bet it's Lugia but I'm also sure I'm wrong)

I'm genuinely very interested in seeing how Team Rocket functions. Obviously the gist I'm getting is that they're fronting as a business of sorts (I know it was mentioned in earlier chapters, I'm just blanking on what it is rn) but they're doing this nefarious shit under the hood. I want to get more into the inner workings of that. The whole emphasis on "how you perform affects your superiors" is so interesting to me? Why does it sound so pyramid scheme-y? Like I know that feels standardish but something about the weight they seem to put on it is intriguing......I also just want to see them do more bad stuff and traumatize Jade more. So fun!!!

Anyway, that's all I got!! I am so sorry this took a year, and hopefully it was worth the wait. Happy Blitz! 🫶
 
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Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, I was in a bit of a “clearing out commitments” mood tonight, so I figured that now was as good a time as any to knock out that review exchange that we had with each other and get a review of the part where the S.S. Anne and its arc blow up in this story:

Chapter 8

“This is your captain speaking. We have an emergency situation—all passengers must report to the main deck immediately to await further instruction. Recall all Pokémon to their Pokéballs and bring them with you. If you are in your cabin, please retrieve your personal flotation device. If you are not in your cabin, do not go down to the lower decks—additional flotation devices will be available at the emergency stations. I repeat, this is an emergency situation—”

Which, you know, is basically a token gesture at this point given that there’s a whopping five minutes minus however many it took for Jade to run from the engine room to the bridge to notify the captain, but let’s think positive here. :copyka:

The captain’s voice boomed powerfully over the ship’s PA system, and the crew immediately scattered in response to the orders. A desperate voice in the back of my head kept shouting at me to stand up, but I couldn’t process how to make that happen. I was probably in the way, collapsed on the floor like this, but… I just… I couldn’t figure out how to do anything about it.

Jade: “I mean, having more than five minutes to work with would’ve helped!”
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Firestorm: “*Um, technically, from the calculations the guy who writes this things did, aren’t we down to like two at the moment?*” ^^;
Jade: “Not helping, Firestorm!” >.<

A hand firmly grasped my right hand, and before I knew what was going on, a set of claws had taken hold of my left and both were pulling me upward at the same time. I blinked twice, trying to clear my vision before seeing that both a crewman and Firestorm had a hold of me. I clenched my teeth and fought to maneuver my legs under me. The movement was sluggish and awkward, but I managed to plant one foot heavily and lean my weight on it long enough to drag the other one into place. It felt ridiculous. But I really wasn’t in a position to care right now.

Crewman: “... Aren’t you supposed to be in your Pokéball right now?”
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Firestorm: “*Aren’t you supposed to be more worried about not letting your passengers get blown up?*” >_>;

“Can you stand on your own?” the crewman asked, carefully letting go of my hand while keeping a close eye to make sure I wasn’t in danger of falling.

My brain told me to say no, but for some reason I nodded.

This is going to be a bit of a recurring thing for Jade throughout the story, huh? :copyka:

He gave me a stern look, like he didn’t quite believe me. “We’re gathering on the main deck to aid the rest of the passengers so I’ll escort you there. It’s raining pretty hard, so you should recall your Charmeleon.”

Crewman: “Which, also, there was kinda a PA announcement about how you needed to recall him, so…”

I squeezed Firestorm’s claw to let him know it was safe to let go, then rummaged through my pocket for his Pokéball before recalling him in a beam of red light. I nodded to the crewman, and we made our way toward the bridge stairwell, which was now rimmed with flashing emergency lights. Blasts from the ship’s whistle rang throughout the air as I forced my legs down one stair at a time, bracing most of my weight against the railing. More than once, my foot missed a stair and I would have been sent tumbling down if the crewman hadn’t caught my arm just in time.

One stair at a time. Just had to focus on that—nothing else mattered right now. One stair at a time. At least I only had to conquer two staircases to make it to the main deck, while everyone on the lower decks had who knows how many to go through. It was a stupid thought, but it helped.

I kinda feel like the “One stair at a time” portion of this paragraph might work better as its own standalone thing, since the overall thought process there is a bit different than what the earlier part of the paragraph has.

Somehow we reached the bottom without me noticing. From there, we only had to make it outside. The captain strode forcefully past us, continuing to repeat his emergency message into a handheld PA microphone. A mass of people was migrating up from the lower decks, and a huge weight settled in my chest from the sheer amount of panicked faces, many of them younger than me. Countless crew members got into place directing the crowd of passengers to the emergency area on the outermost portion of the main deck.

I mean, this is effective at keeping the passengers from blowing up, but I’m not sure how you’re going to avoid them from getting sucked along with the ship in its undertow. ^^;

“Captain!” a young voice called. I turned to see a crew member sprinting up an otherwise empty staircase that had been marked authorized personnel only. “You were right, the lower decks are filled with explosives. There’s no way we could remove them all in time. Most of the lower decks have been evacuated, but many passengers still haven’t made it out yet.” She was holding the control device for the explosives, which was now flashing red with a large ‘30’ displayed.

Well that’s a pre-emptive
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for everyone still down there. A part of me does wonder if it should’ve been established where the lifeboats were on the S.S. Anne, since “they were on the lower decks” would’ve quite cleanly given an explanation for why Jade didn’t pull a fire alarm.

Numbness swept over me just looking at it. Less than a minute left… but if everyone could make it up here before the bombs went off, we’d still have a shot of escaping. The ship wouldn’t sink that quickly, would it?

Jade, stop tempting fate right now.

The captain pulled a radio from his belt and said something into it before racing outside. The man escorting me patted my shoulder and said, “Just follow this crowd outside to the closest emergency station,” before joining the nearest group of crew members directing the evacuation.

An awkward feeling swept over me as I stumbled over to the group. Most of them were still in their pajamas, having been asleep just five minutes ago. Now they were wearing life preservers and looking terrified. Half the crowd was tripping over each other, either pushing to get outside or running back to find their friends, all while desperately trying to be heard over the mass of panicked voices. The other half was tense, glancing around anxiously and clutching their Pokéballs with a death grip, ready to open them at any second. Part of me wanted to panic like the first half, but I’d used up the ability hours ago.

I’m honestly a little surprised that “if you have a flier or a swimmer, bail off the ship with them by any means necessary” didn’t come up in the evacuation orders, since if there were any egress points on the lower decks, at least some of the passengers there could have made use of them to free up the hallways.

Though granted, I can’t really judge that harshly since “5 minus however many minutes” doesn’t exactly leave a lot of room for optimally improvising an evacuation plan, especially if you had to junk your normal one due to the normal assembly areas having issues with not exploding.

The instant we stepped outside, we were soaking wet. It wasn’t cold, but man was it jarring. I’d been running out to this deck constantly not even an hour ago—where had this come from? The water poured down on us like a torrent, the skies were a twisting, writhing mass of gray, and no sooner had I noticed it than a burst of wind knocked me into the nearest trainer. Because we really needed things to be harder now.

IIRC, this is courtesy of a horrible goose in your setting, Jade, but there will be plenty of time to find that out later.

The crew inside the ship were still running around, directing everyone outside as quickly as possible. But the nearest crew members outside were shouting into their radios, looking flustered. What was going on? Wasn’t this where we’d board the lifeboats?

Wait. No… no, the Rockets, they couldn’t have…

I mean, they did rig the lower decks to blow, and considering where they are on what the average Google Image Search of a cruise ship… yeah, you’re not going to be using those if you plan on leaving this ship alive.

“This is your captain speaking. Everyone needs to brace themselves.”

This was it. No time left. Everyone who wasn’t up here yet wasn’t going to make it. I dropped to the ground and clenched my teeth as hard as possible.

I still wasn’t ready for it.

A deafening roar and the squeal of crunching metal bombarded my ears, completely overwhelming the sounds of the ongoing storm. My hands and feet vibrated from the shockwave radiating outwards, and everyone still making their way outside was knocked completely off their feet. Within seconds, smoke started billowing up from the staircases, quickly filling the enclosed part of the middle deck. And on top of it all, the rocking motion of the ship grew more violent by the second.

I can already hear the EEEEEEEEEEE in everyone’s ears right now.

“On behalf of the captain, I am relaying the order to abandon ship!” a woman close to my group shouted. “The lifeboats are gone, so the only way off is to jump overboard! If you have Pokémon large enough to carry you in the air or the water, release them now! And even small water-types should be able to assist both you and others while in the sea!”

Jade: “Why are we being told this now and not five minutes ago?!”
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At these words, countless trainers pulled out Pokéballs, and flashes of white light filled the air around the deck’s outermost edge. The crowd thinned as the trainers with flying-types didn’t hesitate to jump onto their rides’ backs and take off, flying in low circles around the ship. That just left the rest of us. Sure, we were already soaked to the bone and being in the sea wasn’t gonna be much different, but the waters below us had grown increasingly violent. And I didn’t have any water Pokémon.

So no fair using Swift to fly away right now for a ridiculous-looking escape, huh?

Finally, a scattering of trainers worked up the courage to climb the railing and jump off. Several people gasped, but the effect was obvious—after the first few had done it, more and more had found the confidence to make the plunge as well. I couldn’t hesitate. Taking too long would only hold up everyone behind me. I grasped the edge of the railing and used my arms to swing my legs over. Then all I could do was close my eyes, grit my teeth, push myself over the edge, and oh god I was falling. I couldn’t possibly have been ready for it. The fall dragged on forever and the water was a million miles away and I was moving way too fast and my stomach turned inside out and—

The sudden impact stopped my thoughts cold as every inch of exposed skin burned like fire from striking the water. I thrashed my arms instinctively, trying to get my bearings. I was still underwater—no good, I had to surface! I opened my eyes and spotted the surface right above me before paddling as hard as I could to reach it.

I sure hope that the captain gave a brief rundown of “treat it like a high dive”, since otherwise a number of those passengers are going to need medical attention afterwards. ^^;

My head burst out of the water and I immediately found myself gasping and sputtering for air. The water wasn’t frigid, but still cold enough that the tingling in my limbs didn’t want to go away. I flailed about, trying to control my movement and see was going on with everyone else. My legs wouldn’t move; it was just my arms doing all the work now.

Most of the passengers had grouped together around the trainers who had water Pokémon. I squinted back at the ship. From what little I could see, it didn’t look like anyone was still making the plunge from the upper deck… which had to mean that everyone who was able to had made it off by now. Now we just had to weather the storm. But the rain kept pouring down in violent sheets and the rush of seawater tossed us relentlessly. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep the salty water from finding its way into my mouth—I was spending more time choking and spitting out water than making progress.

Wait, wait, wait. That quickly? Since it sounded like there was quite the crowd up on the top deck and Jade wasn’t really described as being a straggler off of it. Since this has to have been like 60 seconds of time passing at most.

A sudden flash of light nearby caught my attention. A girl had just released a massive blue sea serpent from its ball. The Gyarados let out a roar before leaning its head down, allowing its trainer to climb aboard. Already many of the nearby passengers were following her lead and climbing up the serpent’s thick, armor-like scales.

I wasn’t that far away. If I could just make it to her, I wouldn’t have to brave the storm by myself. I just had to make it over there.

Jade: “... Or, I could let Swift out and hold onto his leg to fly to-”
Swift: “*Jade, don’t you dare!*” >v>

Before I could do anything, the water forced my head under the surface and knocked the air from my lungs. I blinked frantically in the darkness, still reeling with shock. Which way was up? Why couldn’t I tell?!

I burst free of the water just in time to wish I hadn’t. An enormous wave had swept in from nowhere, now looming over me. I stared blankly, feeling my limbs turn to ice and refuse to move. Even if I’d had time, I couldn’t react—what on earth was I supposed to do? I couldn’t possibly avoid something like that!

The world dissolved into a rush of water and the spray of salt and tumbling and disorientation and a burning pain now tearing its way through my lungs. I couldn’t tell how deep it had pushed me—direction didn’t exist anymore. I’d been flipped and tossed and my entire body felt like a ragdoll. Where was I? My surroundings had become an endless expanse of water and darkness. Even if there was anything to see, my eyes burned too much from the salt.

Small missing word there. Though yeah, looks like a Pidgey Express wouldn’t have helped her there.

I suddenly remembered that my lungs were on fire—it was a weird contrast to how detached the rest of my body felt. My legs still wouldn’t move—it was almost like they weren’t even there. Were they there? I couldn’t see them. I couldn’t see anything.

Somewhere in the back of my head a voice screamed to get a grip but there wasn’t anything to get a grip on. Nothing was around me. Nothing except…

A huge, shadowy mass swept under me. Everything was dark, but this thing was dark enough to stand out… somehow. It slowly turned in my direction, and the only thing I saw was a pair of glowing blue eyes before it turned and dove further below me.

Ah yes, hello
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. The first of many appearances to come in this story.

Wait… below me! It had to be below me, right? I had no idea if that made any sense, but I knew that it was below, I just knew. Without even thinking, my arms drove me in the opposite direction—upward. I shot through the water so fast it felt like I was flying. Almost there. Just had to reach the surface. Almost there—!

I broke free. My face hit the air and nothing had ever felt half as amazing. It didn’t last long—a round of coughing and sputtering took over as my worn-out lungs tried to expel all of the saltwater I’d taken in. Each breath sent another wave of fire running through my chest, but I didn’t mind—just breathing at all was relief enough.

And thus, by sighting a horrible goose that I’m sure Jade will have opinions about later, Jade managed to successfully not drown.

Except… this was too easy. I was just floating here breathing, and my head wasn’t being forced under the water every five seconds. The sheer relief of being on the surface had been so great that I hadn’t even noticed. It was gone. The waves, the wind, the rain… everything was gone. Clouds churned lazily above us, giving no indication of the raging storm that had just vanished. Calm skies and waters now made it easy to see the S.S. Anne tilted backward at a harsh angle, slipping down into the sea’s murky depths.

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: “*You’re welcome, by the way.*”

I was close to the Gyarados now, so my main priority became drifting vaguely in that direction using as little effort as possible. Six or seven passengers were crowded onto the upper half of its body, but there was room for me to grab one of its lower fins.

Which, you know, probably carries an ever so small risk of death by hypothermia if this drags on for long enough depending on how cold that surrounding water is, but let’s think positive here.

Just as my brain was trying to work through if I should ask anyone what happened, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I turned to the right and stared blankly at the sight, now even more confused. A squad of rescue boats was speeding toward us as though nothing had ever happened.

Jade: “Boy is that a sight for sore eyes. But how did they even…?”
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Rescue boats. How on earth had they gotten here so quickly? An overwhelming flood of questions started to fill my head, but with my body now far beyond exhausted, I almost didn’t care if I got any answers. The Gyarados started making its way toward the boats, moving very slowly to avoid losing any of its far-too-many riders. By the time it was my turn to climb aboard, most of the passengers had been rescued, and I felt a wave of euphoric relief upon being pulled onto the deck and being able to sink to my knees.

I’m pretty sure that it gets revealed later that Stalker phoned this in, but I suppose we’ll find out in due time.

A bustle of movement surrounded me as the officials went about gathering information from everyone who had been rescued. I glanced upward at the man nearest me; the first thing I thought to ask was, “Where are we?”

“Just off the southern coast of Fuchsia,” he replied. Fuchsia… that was… at the far south end of Kanto, right?

No, that would be Cinnabar assuming that it’s not a smoking crater yet.

The man held a towel in front of my face. “Here. Are you hurt? Anyone with injuries should see the medical staff.”

Right… I was still sitting lamely on the floor, limbs shivering uncontrollably. I shook my head lightly before grabbing the deck railing and pulling myself to my feet. He raised an eyebrow, apparently not believing me but figuring that I had enough sense to get aid if I was injured (which, as I kept having to remind myself, I was not). I accepted the towel with a low murmur of “thanks” before pulling myself into the nearest seat.

Well, I’m sure her pride is certainly injured at the moment, but that doesn’t exactly require immediate medical attention there.

Being able to dry myself was, quite simply, heaven after braving the ocean waters. I watched the group of shivering trainers being led around by the staff, my head slowly fogging up with fatigue. I was certain there was too much noise and commotion to fall asleep, but…

Jade:
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I opened my eyes slowly, then immediately blinked as my eyes burned with a bright light. I glanced around in confusion before realizing that it was daytime—a glance at my watch told me that it was 8am. Well, that didn’t make sense… I could have sworn that I’d only closed my eyes for a minute or two…

Well, now it’s more like “six hours or so”. Time has a way of flying that like that when you’re exhausted. (Though there was another small typo here.)

I stretched long and hard, my limbs filled with a dull, throbbing pain, before looking around. The ship was now docked in the small harbor of a coastal town surrounded by rolling plains and gleaming white beaches. The staff was busy directing people off the ship, or at least some of them—about half of the trainers were being pointed back into their seats rather than onto the dock. Feeling a bit perplexed, I wandered over to the staff.

“What’s going on here?” I asked.

“We’ve docked near Fuchsia City. All of the trainers who were given a specialty invite to the party are to remain on the ship until we can relay a message intended for them,” a man explained.

Jade: “I’m sorry, but how on earth is that remotely normal as a rescue procedure?”
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Rescuer: “Well, it’s not, but it’s also above my pay grade, so yeah. Are you staying on the ship or what?”
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Specialty invite… the tickets Stalker gave to the potential rebels? How could they tell which people he’d invited?

Sensing my confusion, the man said, “Let me see your card key.” I handed it over, and he scanned it through a device before handing it back. “Alright, please wait around here until we’ve finished with the remaining passengers.”

As I walked back to my seat, a small group of trainers behind me started making a fuss because they had apparently left their card keys behind—the staff was attempting to sort through it.

Ah yes, having heavily penetrated law enforcement and EMS has some benefits there. Or for Stalker, at least.

I wasn’t sure what to think of the whole situation now. I had been frustrated at Stalker for having underestimated Team Rocket, but he clearly had a plan set into motion for an incident like this. Still, why couldn’t he have gotten an ally to make sure nothing went wrong with the voyage? Did he even have allies, or was he doing this alone?

Jade, you’re supposed to be his allies. And even then, ‘allies’ is a bit of a strong word there.

I wandered around the ship’s deck as the number of passengers slowly started to thin, gazing at the ocean and admiring how calm it looked, with the bright sunlight reflecting off ridges of water. My thoughts strayed back to the previous night, and how impossible it all seemed now. Mere hours ago, we’d all been so close to death… it was obviously an uncomfortable thought, but it was slowly starting to become more familiar. And this was how it was going to be from now on…

Swift: “*It’s not too late for you to chuck the key card into the sea and just leave this all behind, Jade.*” ovo;
Jade: “Swift, aren’t you supposed to be in you Pokéball right now? And we both know that things aren’t going to be that easy here.” >_>;

I was just vaguely wondering how the Rockets had escaped, and if they’d had actual rockets in their backpacks, when a hand clapped my shoulder.

Fliers/Swimmers seems like the most likely vector, just saying. It could also explain a few things about how they were able to smuggle stuff past security if they had someone board the ship at sea.

“Hey Jade.”

…What. Why on earth was I hearing that voice here?

I spun around to stare at the olive-skinned, dark-haired face behind me. And really, all I could do was let my mouth hang open in shock.

“…What are you doing here, Rudy?” I managed to say.

I mean, he did wind up getting sucked into the same “time to fight Rockets” movement that you did, just saying. Otherwise your escape from that plane would’ve been a lot lonelier.

He gave a small laugh at the look on my face and said, “Guess I should explain myself, huh?”

“You think?” I asked, laughing a little bit myself, the air of anxiety gone just from being with a friend. “You… have no idea how glad I am to see you here… especially after last night.”

Rudy smiled weakly. “Yeah… that…”

I gave him an incredulous look. “I’m starting to think you have a thing for always showing up at my Team Rocket run-ins.”

That’s because Stalker’s recruited him, whether directly or by proxy through Spencer.

“Hey, it’s not a coincidence,” Rudy said quickly. “You know the dude who gave out the tickets?”

I blinked. “You met him too?”

Rudy nodded. “Sure did. I met him after I got back to Viridian. He said he’d heard about our battle with those Rockets at the plane, and that anyone who’d gone against Team Rocket was important to have as an ally. He asked me if I wanted to train under him and learn how to fight Rockets, and well…” He forced a grin, some of his normal enthusiasm shining through for a moment. “You know I couldn’t say no to getting back at those guys. So he gave me the card and that was when he mentioned that you got one too.”

Oh right, so it was Stalker who did the honors there. Even if I wonder if it was Spencer who set Rudy up there or if Stalker had just been quietly stalking Jade the entire time after the whole kidnapping thing since he was there five minutes before she got snatched.

I couldn’t think of what to say. Stalker had said he’d been recruiting any new trainers with the guts to take on Team Rocket, but the idea of someone else I knew being a part of this felt very strange.

And like it’s going to get a few of your friends killed, but that will be a story for a much, much later day in this tale.

“Course… I sort of got in trouble for being gone all day,” Rudy continued, looking down. “It’s kinda hard to be afraid of something like that after making it through the Rocket mess, though. And I was gonna tell your mom that’d you’d gone on a training journey with Swift, but… she kind of already knew? I was expecting her to be way more upset about it, honestly.”[

I smiled faintly. “Yeah, I, uh… I kind of wound up calling home later that night anyway.”

Rudy paused. [ ]

Wait seriously?”

Kinda wonder if it’d have been worth showing off a bit more of Rudy’s reaction here. Though right, I see we’re calling back to that one chapter with the videophone call.

I rubbed the back of my head. “Yeah. I was dreading it at first, but it worked out for the best.” I wasn’t sure if I should explain the deal that I’d made to get my license before I turned fifteen, but Rudy was still staring at me like he was waiting to tell the rest of his story.

“Go on,” I said, rolling my eyes. Though I didn’t want to admit it, hearing him ramble was definitely helping take my mind off things.

Rudy didn’t need telling twice. “Kay, so I started my training journey a couple days after that, and I made sure to grab the bus from city to city until I made it to Vermilion. I got there about four days before we left.” He paused for a bit and then added, “Y’know, I was surprised I never saw you around the Pokécenter or at the gym or anything.”

Ah yes, just skipping over all the parts that would’ve actually helped your team get stronger. Boy is it a good thing that Rudy didn’t also stumble across those Rockets on the ship, since I can already tell that would’ve ended terribly.

“Yeah… I spent most of my time at the campsite near the start of Route 6…” I mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Catching Pokémon?” came the immediate reply.

I snorted. “You know I can’t buy Pokéballs.”

I mean, considering how as of more recent games there’s apparently a bunch of unused Pokéballs that just get left lying around the boonies from failed catching attempts to the point of there being a cottage industry for it in Z-A, I kinda wonder how viable it’d have been for Jade to try that out as a way to get around the ID check for getting Pokéballs.

“No, but what you could’ve done was ask some random trainer to go buy them for you, and hope they don’t report you to the—”

“Thanks for the advice—I’ll file that away under ‘what not to do.’ But what about you, did you catch anyone new?”

That now suddenly makes me curious as to what the penalties are for straw buying Pokéballs in this setting, especially since they get given away as gifts in the games at times.

“You bet! I got a Spearow and a Nidoran, and they’re made of awesome, and now I’m up to four Pokémon,” Rudy said, his voice slowing dramatically near the end. [ ]

“Oh yeah? Pretty cool. Although…”—I suppressed a snicker—“I seem to recall you saying—what was it again?—that you’d find Mew and team up to defeat the Legendary birds within the first month of your—” I had to stop because I was laughing too hard and he was smacking my arm with a fist repeatedly.

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I do wonder if it’d have been worth showing off some combination of Jade’s thought process or Rudy straining to make this sound cool and hope Jade forgot about his past boasting a bit more, but it’s still pretty funny as-is.

“Oh, oh yeah, and then at the League, the Johto guardians would be so impressed by your feat that they’d ask if they could join you, and—”

“Hey I never said any of that… and if I did I was like ten!” Rudy said quickly, his face reddening. “Besides, I’m doing better than you, aren’t I? Four against three, so there. And hey, that reminds me—how come I never saw you on the S.S. Anne? I wanted to battle you during the trainer’s party but couldn’t really find you.”

Jade: “Oh, you know. Getting shot at. Running around with plastic explosives in my pants. Just another Tuesday for me at this rate.” -_-;
Rudy: “I’m sorry, what?!
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“I… spent most of the night in my room, actually,” I said sheepishly. I had forgotten about how I’d needed to hide after Chibi and I had discovered the Rockets.

Or Jade could just transparently lie about things. That works too. Even if I kinda wonder if there should’ve been a bit more elaboration on her thought process for why she thought this was necessary.

Chibi. That’s right—the Rockets, they had… The thought was painful. He’d been captured because he saved me. And I’d just let them take him? Why hadn’t I done anything about it?

Because they had guns and there was Semtex all over the engine room while all you had was a Charmander-turned-Charmeleon and a Pidgey? I dunno, that sounds like a pretty good reason to me for not helping Chibi there even if I’m sure he’ll have some opinions about it when you meet again.
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I was too lost in thought to pay close attention to what Rudy was saying after that. He went on about seeing me while in the ocean and trying to get my attention, but me not seeing him. In an instant, my memory flashed back to last night, and I immediately blurted out, “What made the storm clear?”

Rudy stopped and gaped at me. “You mean you didn’t see it?”

Jade: “See what, now?” .-.

“No,” I replied a little uneasily. His tone made it sound like no one in their right mind would have missed it.

“It was a little creepy, but way awesome,” he said. “This dark shadow seemed to block out everything, even the moonlight, and there was a giant gust of wind and then suddenly the storm stopped and the waves calmed down. Then this huge… thing dove down into the water. It was so fast, I couldn’t tell what it was.”

A horrible goose. Of the very large, marine, and Legendary sort.

The excitement plastered all over his face was almost too much to bear. It was enough to actually make me feel jealous that I hadn’t seen it happen, although Rudy was the one who had always wanted to run into super-powerful Pokémon. Then again… that dark figure I had seen in the water… could that have been the same thing Rudy had seen?

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Even if I doubt this mystique will still stick around after a couple encounters from what I’ve heard through the grapevine of what
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is like in this story.

At this point, it seemed like everyone had finished transferring over to the new ship. I found myself idly wondering where we’d be headed, then heard a voice calling out through a microphone.

“Everyone here was given a specialty invite to the Pokémon trainer’s party. Those who managed to complete the invite-only event onboard the S.S. Anne were meant to be rewarded with enrollment into an exclusive training internship. In light of what happened… that event will no longer be taking place. Enrollment will be open to all of you, and we’ve been requested to send you all there now. But first, we need to relay the following message,” one of the rescue staff said. He paused for a few seconds, taking a deep breath before saying, “There’s no doubt that having to flee the S.S. Anne like that was a terrible ordeal for young trainers like yourselves to face. It’s advised that you think carefully about the special training you signed up for, and decide if you still wish to go through with it. If not, you should resume your training journey. Thank you.”

I kinda wonder if the rescue official’s speech here is long-winded enough that it should be broken up into a couple paragraphs, even if I’m admittedly having a hard time pinpointing a specific spot to suggest splitting. Since this feels like one of those moments where some part of Jade would essentially go “bruh, we almost died, why are you going on about this right now?”

His words were like a cold splash of reality, right in the face. A reminder that even though we’d survived, joining Stalker’s team would only mean facing even more horrible situations like last night.

Swift: “*Which, you know, we could stop experiencing if we just got off the boat here…*” >v>;
Jade: “Well that’s obviously not happening given there’s another 50 chapters of this story.”
The announcement brought scattered murmuring amongst the trainers, and now that I looked around at all of them, I could see traces of doubt and regret streaking their faces. And, even worse… my heart crumpled inward when I saw a few of the kids crying softly away from the main group. The crushing realization slowly hit me—I had gotten lucky. I hadn’t even known that Rudy was on the ship, and both of us had gotten off alive anyway. But some of the trainers had to have lost friends when the S.S. Anne sank.

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Definitely a harsh reminder of the stakes involved for going along with Stalker and how this isn’t a game where being a plucky 10 year old with an up-and-coming team means that you can instantly go toe-to-toe with Rockets.

Time froze as a small number of kids scattered amongst the crowd made the slow walk off of the transfer boat with an almost tangible air of shame. Several others, upon seeing that they wouldn’t be alone in leaving, hurriedly stood to their feet and followed suit.

Swift: “*Well then. Thank you for your help, sirs. We’ll just be joining them and taking our-*”
- Cue Jade recalling Swift -
Jade: “Oh yeah, he’s going to be mad at me after this. But it’s for a good cause!”

“Well… I know it’ll be dangerous, but… that’s the reason I joined. Fighting those guys and saving the Legendaries? I’m not giving up something like that. I can’t turn my back on something like that,” Rudy said with a decisive tone. His words had a slight edge, though. Like he was desperately trying to persuade himself that it was the right decision.

Which, you know, he kinda is doing that in live-time.

I already knew there was no going back for me. I couldn’t return to my old life, knowing what I knew now. This was my chance to make a difference. Had to keep telling myself that.

I swear, it’s going to be such a cruel knife twist if there’s a point later on sometime after getting put through the wringer, Jade finds out that there really was some point where she could’ve just stepped away from everything and gone back to being a (relatively) normal girl.

Around fifty kids were still on board. After several minutes had passed from the time of the announcement, the majority of the staff left the ship as well, leaving just a single young man behind.

“We’ve managed to secure a teleporter who has your destination memorized,” he said. “They’ll be sending you there two at a time, so please line up and wait your turn.” At his words, an Alakazam stepped forward alongside him. The golden humanoid, twiddled a pair of spoons in its claws and surveyed us with a bored expression before gesturing to the trainers at the front of the group. The first two kids walked forward uncertainly, and Alakazam touched a spoon to each of their shoulders before disappearing in a sudden flash of shimmering light. Around twenty seconds later it reappeared alone with a similar flash.

Boy I sure hope that Stalker vetted these rescue personnel well, since I’m sure that there’s surveillance cameras on this ship that will need to be wiped in order to keep this from potentially falling into Rocket hands.

It would probably take over twenty trips for all of us, and after the first five or so, the psychic was already looking tired and had to drink some Ether. Wherever we were headed, it must have been pretty far for the jumps to tire the psychic out that much.

Which, you know. Would’ve been a good reason to not trust one Psychic to do all of this, but I suppose that Psychic that are this powerful and talented don’t exactly grow on trees.

After around ten minutes of this, my turn came up. I stepped forward, feeling a small twinge of anxiety in the back of my head. This was my first time teleporting, and I honestly had no idea what to expect. A spoon tapped my shoulder. A tingling sensation quickly spread across my skin, my surroundings melting into rippling waves of light. Then, just as suddenly as it came, the feeling left, and the world suddenly snapped back into clear view. That was it? It was a lot smoother than I’d been expecting.

Jade: “Though, uh… where am I right now anyways?” ^^;

I glanced around at my new surroundings and found myself… on a dock. But it was obviously a completely different one—the sea was to the west rather than south, and the coastline was rocky and forested. Not to mention the nearby town was a lot smaller than Fuchsia. I still had absolutely no idea where we were though.

Jade: -looks up at the chapter title-
“Well, you’d think that that would clear things up, but it really doesn’t right now. Is that place even on maps here?”
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The Alakazam gave a nod before disappearing from view, and I jumped off to the side so I wouldn’t be in the way of the next trainer to arrive. Rudy appeared not long after I did, and within a few more minutes we were all here, stuck together in a large group and wandering vaguely towards town. As was typical of trainers, our group eventually honed in on the local Pokémon Center.

The center was small (it probably didn’t have to accommodate many trainers most of the time), so there was no way we were all going to fit inside. The lead nurse at the front counter blinked in surprise at our sudden arrival, but then she said, “You must be the specialty training group I was told about. If you follow the road that leads north to the edge of town, you’ll find Midnight Stadium, where your training program will be held.”

Midnight Stadium… so that was our destination. But then, where were we anyway?

Jade: “... How have I never heard of this place anyways if it’s important enough to have a Pokémon Center and a stadium?
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“Where are we?” one of the kids blurted out before I had worked out whether or not it would look too stupid to ask.

The nurse gave an amused half-smile. “Midnight Island, just off the coast from Lavender Town.”

Nurse: “It’s kinda busy being an original location to this story, so don’t worry if you haven’t heard of it before.”
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I wasn’t the only one who craned their neck to get a glimpse of the map on the side wall, as I had never heard of either of those two locations. It took me some time to locate Lavender Town on the large map of Kanto that adorned the wall, as it was a very small town on Kanto’s eastern coast. Sure enough, a tiny island alongside its shore was labeled Midnight Island.

Jade: “And what does this place do again that justifies there being a Pokémon Center and a Stadium again? I didn’t even see it on the map at first!” .-.
Nurse: “That one’s above my pay grade.”
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“Why couldn’t he have just told us that to begin with?” Rudy complained as we made our way outside.

“The Rockets found out that we were meeting on the S.S. Anne, so if the headquarters hadn’t been a secret, they’d probably have targeted it too,” I said, a little exasperated.

Jade: “Which is… uh… kinda worrying me that they apparently wanted us to not get here badly enough that they blew up a passenger ferry and probably killed dozens of people to try and stop us, but it’s a bit late to get on that transfer boat to Fuschia now.”
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Rudy gaped at me. “Wait, that was Team Rocket who sank the ship last night? How do you know?”

“I was there; I fought them, and—” I suddenly realized it. Swift and Firestorm—they’d been in their Pokéballs all night ever since I had to jump overboard. I retrieved the minimized spheres from my pocket and opened them, releasing the two Pokémon. I actually had to do a bit of a double take upon seeing Firestorm emerge from the ball—I still wasn’t used to seeing him in his larger, red-scaled form. Apparently, Rudy was surprised too, because—

“Whoa—your Charmander evolved? Awesome!” he exclaimed.

Priorities™!

“Yup,” I answered, and I couldn’t help grinning. My face fell when I saw that Swift was still beaten and bruised from last night’s battle, though.

“Crap, do you have a potion?” I asked Rudy. He rummaged in his bag before pulling one out, and I immediately sprayed down Swift’s limp wings and crumpled feathers. The injuries weren’t too serious—within a few seconds, the Pidgey shook his head and made a relieved chirp.

Rudy: “... Wait, why didn’t we just go back to the Pokémon Center again? Don’t they have machines for this sort of thing?” .-.
Jade: “... We were in a hurry?” ^^;
Swift: “*Which we wouldn’t have been if you just got on the transfer boat, Jade!*” >v>;

“*How did we make it back to dry land?*” Firestorm asked, looking up at me expectantly. “*The ocean sounds like an awful place. Did you have to swim through it?*”

I was about to answer, but then Rudy cut in, “Okay, hang on Jade, you’ve gotta tell me—you battled Rockets? How’d you even know they were there?”

Jade: “Uh, well, it’s kinda a long story, but…”

I sighed before launching into the events of the previous night. From when Chibi and I had eavesdropped on the Rockets to when Manectric initiated the automatic detonation. I explained everything as we walked down the road that led out of town, which eventually turned into a dirt road as the buildings grew sparse. I realized about halfway through my story that every trainer standing near us had now ceased their own conversations to listen in, but by that point I didn’t care if I had an audience.

Which I’m pretty sure is a sign that this is going to wind up coming back and biting you in the ass at some point, but let’s not worry about that for now.

The sun had climbed higher into the sky by the time we arrived at a wide coliseum on the edge of the forest. It was a lot smaller than the stadiums I’d seen on TV, but still larger than any building in town. The sign on the front read “Midnight Stadium” in dramatic purple lettering.

Jade: “Okay, seriously, how does a dinky little island like this get the budget for this sort of place?”
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The front doors automatically opened as we approached, so the fifty or so trainers made their way slowly inside. We entered a large waiting room with a desk at the far end and two hallways branching off to the left and right. Posters of countless League events and training programs covered the far wall, while large computer panels lined the sides, most likely used for tournament registration or accessing the online storage system.

“Everyone line up facing the front counter.”

I almost jumped at the loud, booming voice that seemed to come from nowhere, realizing a moment later that it must have come from speakers. We all glanced around in bewilderment for a few seconds before arranging ourselves in several horizontal lines—I recalled Swift and Firestorm and took my place in the back line. At both far corners of the room, I spotted the cameras that were likely watching us right now.

I think you’re missing a small word towards the end of the block here.

After some time, the voice came again. “Forty-eight. That’s how many of you survived the attack and still had the determination to come here.” It was a young voice, but it sounded hardened… mature… I recognized it from our previous meetings.

Rudy: “Wait, wait, wait. Just how many invites did he send out to begin with?” .-.
Stalker: “A lot more than 48, but that’s not relevant. 48 trainers is enough for me to work with.”

Footsteps echoed off the side hallways. We all held our breath in anticipation as Stalker walked into view, wearing the black mask and long cloak.

“You had to endure far more than you should have in order to get here,” he said. “But now you’re here. You’ll all become valuable allies in the fight against Team Rocket.” And with that, he removed his mask and cloak.

It was easy to sense the group’s surprise from the revelation that he was probably not much older than eighteen. Still, he gave off the impression of someone much older and more mature; in a strange sort of way, I felt childish by comparison. He surveyed the group with icy blue eyes and a reserved expression.

Someone is a ballsy one there given that that’s 48 people who know what he looks like and can potentially pass that information on if they are compromised. But I suppose “being 18 tops” helps with bold decision-making that you might wind up regretting down the line.

“So…” he said after some time. “You all have seen my face, so now I’m in the same position as you. If Team Rocket learns my identity, I’ll be done for. But I want to be on equal terms with all of you, so I believe it’s worth it.” He paused heavily, giving us time to process it all. “I’m sure all the secrets surrounding this were frustrating. I had thought that keeping you in the dark and having you gather together, surrounded by ordinary trainers just like you, would be the best way to keep you safe. I never expected the Rockets to go so far… just to get to me.” At this point, several of the trainers—the ones who had overheard my account of the previous night—now glanced back at me.

Ah, right. That’s why Stalker outs his appearance to everyone here.

“You can call me Stalker,” he announced. No one commented on the strangeness of this. “And this is Midnight Stadium. It’s commonly rented for specialty training programs and casual non-League tournaments, so none of the locals will find it odd that there are so many of you here. Just remember to say that’s why you’re here if any of them ask.”

I mean, at this rate, it’d probably have been safer to just dip out of Kanjoh entirely to someplace where the Rockets don’t have a meaningful presence hold this meeting, just saying.

Stalker paused to make sure everyone was listening, but he hardly needed to—we were all hanging on every word. “The first thing to do is get you signed up. I’ve got the registration computers here connected to my own personal database.” He motioned to the large screens covering the front walls of the lobby. “Once you’re done, you should familiarize yourself with the battlefield while I finalize the Rocket information with everyone one-on-one. And then after that…”—he gave what was probably the first smile I’d seen from him—“then we can get started on that training.”

Kiiiinda wonder if the more impactful ending note would’ve been some sort of internal thought or commentary from Jade about all of this, but I suppose the art for the next chapter is already a sufficient tease that things are going to get nice and exciting next time.

Alright, I think that I’ll leave things off here. I was honestly kinda impressed at how smoothly we transitioned in between arcs here without missing a beat in which the S.S. Anne and its role in the story end in explosive fashion, Lugia makes his first of many appearances, and Jade and Rudy cross the Rubicon to start training to become moles within Team Rocket. A surprisingly jam-packed chapter for 6500-ish words where most of the truly explosive stuff happened in the first half. Stalker making his proper introduction to the gang was also a pretty memorable note to leave things off on, especially since I already know that he’ll be quite the presence later on in this story.

As for critiques, I don’t really have all that much to level at things, really. I noticed a couple typos/missing words and a couple paragraphs that felt a bit unwieldy to me. Other than that, the main things I kinda wish there was a bit more of was a bit more of Jade’s thought process at a couple points (especially with wrestling with the whole, “no, I need to do this”-ness of sticking it out with Stalker) and maybe seeing a bit more of Swift and Firestorm at the calmer moments of the chapter, but I suppose there were already baked-in meta excuses for them to take a backseat this time.

But otherwise, I thought this chapter was quite solid. I dunno if it’s been changed at all since the last time I looked at it, but it definitely held up well, and I noticed a few details that had been lost to the ether on my end. Hope the feedback was fun to read, @Chibi Pika , and I’ll be looking forward to when I cross paths with this story again in the future.
 
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