Pokémon The Legendarian Chronicles

[Goolix]

Wow! Chapter 3 was quite long! I didn't quite have a line by line for this one, but here are the ones I have comments on:

Ebony glanced around the cargo hold with wide-eyed curiosity while the Squirtle took one look at the battle and promptly retreated into its shell.

A highly reasonable response on Squirtle's part to the present situation.

Firestorm’s brow furrowed. “*Why not?*” Why not? Couldn’t he see how dangerous it was?

Having Rudy's response follow a line break would make it easier to read.

Its eyes were creepily blank and soulless, just like the Scyther’s had been. What was the deal with these Pokémon?

The "creepily" is unnecessary here. I might even merge these two sentences: "Its eyes were as blank and soulless as the Scyther's."

“Nah, Typhlosion is the one made of hot stuff.”

😎

Firestorm looked a bit puzzled at first. “*Catch? Humans can… catch Legendaries? Just like Pokémon?*”

An interesting bit of lore reveal! Firestorm sees Pokemon and Legendaries as being distinct sorts of categories. Legendaries even gets a capitalization in the text. And Legendaries are so remote to Firestorm (and presumably to other Pokemon) that the idea they can be captured seems to exist in a different universe. Good setup!

I edged around the corner just enough to see another striped firedog, this one flashing a horrifyingly vicious snarl at us. Typhlosion and Arcanine recoiled slightly, losing some of the tension in their stances.

“Crap, gonna hit us with Intimidate, is that it?” Spencer mumbled through gritted teeth.

A good attempt at translating Intimidate (a weird ability!) to prose!

This chapter really kept the tension up and did not let up, not even at the end! I appreciate that the experimental Pikachu's destruction of a window and the subsequent icing over ended up being important to the gang as a potential getaway venue. Spencer comes across as someone who's watched a lot of action movies, constantly giving a little wisecrack. Combined with his higher-leveled Pokemon, it definitely succeeds in impressing Jade that he's got things under control - only he's flying by the seat of his pants as much as the rest of them.

Seeing that the chapter ends on a cliffhanger, I hope there will be an opportunity to rest with these characters once it's been resolved. Like Jade, we're all hopped up on the adrenaline after witnessing a teennapping and wannabe rescuers, but we haven't had time to chill and figure out what the heck is going on. Jade is definitely going to be on the edge of her nerves after what just happened. And it was thoughtful of her to take that Pikachu with her, even if it was, you know, trying to crash the plane and everyone in it