~Review of Chapters 10 - 37~
I . A R R I V E
Hello! I was planning to come back after the Raikou battle, but then I got a bit carried away... oh well. now I get to drop a monster out of the blue instead >:)
This fic has mostly been a blast from start to the near finish of what's currently published. There've been a few bumps, but overall it's exactly the kind of thing I enjoy reading when I search for trainerfic!
Now that I think about it, I think I stumbled upon an earlier draft of this years ago. It had, like a vulpix pokespeech test.
I think when the story picks back up, the Rebellion trainers are at the end of their training to take on Team Rocket. I feel like the descriptions sometimes get a bit bland or repetitive - to the point where I have read something, then glanced up a few paragraphs because I thought I was reading a different one - but appreciate that you walk the reader through the battles with cinematics rather than just having Jade and Rudy call out attacks and assuming everyone knows what they are. As someone with basically zero move knowledge, that really went a long way for me.
I think the Rocket Bases are also pretty realistic, in how surprisingly mundane they are. Pre-packaged meals that rack up debt behind the scenes, endless grunt work, etc. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing grunts would be doing in a Rocket Base, although initial impressions would lead you to think it'd be much more interesting than that. But... they're also pretty mundane, so we don't really spend too much time there. In particular I'm surprised by how overt the Celadon Base is. Like, yeah, they're clearly powerful there, but you don't just run an underground crime organization, then stick a large neon sign on one of your bases and expect nothing to happen. And from Darren's comment about how the town is run by Team Rocket, it feels like the Pokemon League would crack down on that... if they actually care. Because now that I think about it, I don't really know tbh. TR seems to have its claws in the league anyway, so... IDK.
“Hey Karen, I heard you were looking to train up a few subordinates.”
I am physically restraining myself from making a Karen joke
That said, Karen very much lives up to her stereotype. Like... yeah, she's pissed because she didn't get the promotion she oh so clearly deserves and why can't you see that you're just an idiot like everyone else on the higher staff, but also, like... there is no way she gets that promotion by treating her new recruits the way she is?
I mean. She might have. When Astrid/Starr left. But still. What a grump
Of
course Team Rocket owns the Silph Company
It's a pretty cool nod back to the games, though, NGL. Although I have to wonder how Team Rocket is this powerful and widespread and they're focusing on capturing legendaries? I'm not really seeing their long-term goals clearly here. If it's just "something something World Domination", then they kind of already have that - they control the League to some extent, control arms shipments to other evil teams, have a military, basically have the run of Viridian and Celadon, own Silph Co, etc. All Giovanni has to do is say the word and he could probably have the champion offed and get away with it. So what's the deal with capturing the legendaries? 'Cause that's the kind of conspicuous gambit that gets all the other regions to gang up on you and end you in a flash.
Another kid chimed in, “It’s all like… lectures on how to get goods and Pokémon for Team Rocket and, like… profit analysis crap.” That got a solid round of laughter from almost everyone in the room. Sure, I hadn’t been too fond of the training so far, but at least it was preferable to that.
Is it bad that I am like. Totally here for that
As a quick side note, "The Thunder Field" is a really cool name and I'm really disappointed that wasn't the name of Chapter 12
On the subject of Chapter Twelve, the Raikou Battle was definitely one of LC's shining spots. Every bit of it was really well-done - you got the atmosphere of the battlefield and the thunderstorm across perfectly, as well as the strength of the Thunder Field and how terrifying Raikou is when it fights. The part where it tore the Ursaring to shreds was a complete horror moment. I also appreciated the amount of thinking on their feet the Rebels had to employ here. Especially the part at the end with the recalls from the air, the diversion, and the teleport back. However, Stalker didn't show up, and it's here where I again begin to get "uhh" vibes about him. Like, yes, it might be dangerous for him to show up there and strategically he probably shouldn't, but this is the part where the ruthlessness what he's doing really begins to be fully realized, and watching all the Rebels finally come to that realization was the just another thing that put me off him.
But the rebels get off free, with only a quick mention of "Interlopers" from Raikou before he runs off. There's a brief interlude, where Jade decides she wants to go get Chibi back. Stalker rings another warning bell with his "if I let you do this, you're gonna do something for me too", but for the most part it's "heck yeah, let's do this!"
I am probably a little too invested in rescuing Chibi from the monsters who dared to steal him, see
This is the first mission where things get truly hairy for Jade. The highlights for me, though, were mainly all the new characters we saw in this part - Stracion Decora feels like a big Chekov's Gun, one that wasn't necessarily sprung yet later in the rocket prison, and of course this is Aros, Stygian, and Razors' debut. I'm glad that you decided to expand more upon a few of the experiments - especially the one Tyson had, but I also wonder if we'll ever see the others. If Mewtwo is experiment 36, and we've only seen four others... Granted, knowing the Rockets, I don't know how many of them are still alive, but there are or at least were 31 other experiments at some point in time and I feel like this is due to come back soon. I... also keep mixing up Aros and Stygian for some reason
Stygian just seems so appropriate for a Flygon
I... really should have made the connection between Experiment 36 and Mewtwo. It feels so obvious, but I didn't really connect the dots until I saw the cover art for Chapter 14. So far I feel like Mewtwo has only really done a few broad devastating strokes for Book I, though, and he hasn't really shown up for Book II yet. I'm a bit worried to see what he's going to get up to later on, especially since he caught himself...
The ruins were definitely an interesting touch, and I wonder if that factored into Stalker's decision to set up camp where he did. And also that the writing in "Tohjoan" was there... (Is "Tohjoan" your form of "Johtoian"?) It's clearly modern and I think you said somewhere in the thread this wasn't like "Chosen One magic" or anything, so I kind of just don't have much to go on there. Unless someone's been doing maintenance. That orb is weird, though... I feel like it's connected to Suicune somehow, so I don't think it was just a trial to see if someone is worthy of being a Legend's Chosen or anything, but even so I don't really remember this being a part of canon
not that I'm well-read on Johto canon... Feels like Suicune was protecting the area, though. I have a really big feeling this is going to be important later.
So LC being a 'chosen one' story doesn't really bug me that much; in fact, I didn't even really blink until you specifically mentioned it in the summary. I'll say that I'm definitely biased and this is one of my few triggers so maybe take me with a grain of salt on this portion, but my first thought when I think of a Chosen One Story are those stories who feature the goody-two-shoes protags who inherited some old legacy or were predestined to pull the sword out of the stone or something like that. I feel those types of stories send across a couple of really bad messages - (A) that people born with silver spoons in their mouths are above those who aren't, and (B) you're defined by what came before you. And while I know that's only one facet of the genre, I feel like that defines "Chosen One" more than anything else - so when I read the author's note, I was initially like "aww,
that's where it's going?" and even with the assurances that this was going to be a subversion of those tropes, I still kind of had to logic myself out of that for a while. I don't really think I would have batted an eye if not for the author's note, though.
Then comes the setpiece that fully introduces the ALRs - this setpiece was frankly the cleanest/most well oiled action set of Book I. I felt like there was a clean explanation for everything. The ALRs had a clear method to destruction - they didn't just stand tall and then fall to pieces on the plot's instruction like the Thunder Field did - and the battle between the legendaries read clearly enough. Although, if Mew was there in the line of danger.... surely Ajia mustn't have been far behind? Astrid appears here for the third time, and this is the first time that I begin to realize that wow, she really has it out for Jade specifically. Which... okay, fair, knowing what comes afterward. But in the moment, she gives off Bellatrix Lestrange vibes - that one crazy on the villain team who's probably literally more evil than the big bad, lacks moral boundaries, and has it specifically out for the hero.
The way the mission ended was a bit shocking, but ultimately not unexpected. Jade had basically been kicking all the Get Captured and Tortured By Rockets flags since the first time she entered a Rocket Base, so it was only a matter of time before she actually got caught and tortured. The torture scene itself only gets more and more horrifying to me the more that I know about it. It was obviously hard for Jade, who was literally traumatized by the affair, probably permanently - but thinking on it, it was probably so much worse for Starr. Can you imagine having to repeatedly torture one of your childhood friends for information? I honestly couldn't. And by no means is it a noble or good thing, but... god that probably took every inch of willpower from her.
And of course Raichu happily murders/tortures everyone Starr tells him to and is friendly with them the moment they switch sides but he gets a pass because he's
so stinking cute
I mean look!!
He's
adorable ❤
Like a lot of things here, the dynamic between all the Rebellion recruits feels a lot like Harry Potter. You've assembled a trio of three - Rudy, Jade, and Darren - and then regulated pretty much everyone else to the background. And it works pretty well, honestly. It allows you to throw around names without spending like three paragraphs building each one, and by attaching simple characteristics to them, you stop everyone from getting too confused by all these names. Although, also like Harry Potter, I find myself wishing we saw a bit more of the other students, rather than just a glimpse into their lives. Even Darren, the most ignored character of your original trio, feels somewhat simple and one-note.
I think there's also a flip-side of this too, which I'll cover with the all-terrifying ChApTeR tWeNtY-tWo
This chapter was pretty shaking, NGL. I also feel like this is the first time that you truly subvert the Harry Potter mystical world let's fight the bad guys! vibe for something more realistic. Of course, I expected Midnight Island to be attacked at some point. I wasn't expecting the attack to be so brutal. I think the portion that stuck with me the most out of it all wasn't Razors' death - more on that later - but rather when Jade reaches the entrance and sees that one kid has been shot through the head. I think that's the point where both Jade and I realized that "Oh, shit. Kids can
die here."
As much as I want to analyze why every action Stalker takes while leading the Rebellion is Bad and Self-Serving, I honestly can't really fault this one. I mean, yeah, he was going to try and rope a few kids back into his scheme, but it would have served him pretty well to just let the entire Rebellion die right there and bail on them. Even if some kids survived and tracked him down, he probably would have been able to manipulate them into believing he had fled for some strategic reason or something. At the very least, he tried to get as many of them to safety as possible, when he only had to lose by it (one of those kids could easily give Team Rocket a face description of Stalker, or spill literally all the Rebellion secrets, give away names, incriminating info like all the Rocket connections Stalker had, which would narrow down the list of people he could be greatly, etc.). So I guess he's not
entirely heartless.
So... Chibi and Razors. This subplot had screentime for about five chapters altogether, but it's so crucial to Chibi's characterization. I liked that you took the time to dig deeper and deeper into their psyches and pasts to see why they were so entwined with each other. And while I will admit that I did get a few twinges of "Oh wow that's edgy" when Razors slit his own throat, but the effect it had on Chibi was felt very deeply and I definitely felt the effects of Razors' death afterwards. That comic was cruel :<
Poor Wartortle ;-; Granted, she was pretty much in the background the whole time, though, so I don't think this death really affected me much. It obviously was meant to affect Rudy, though, so I suppose it served its purpose.
I mentioned earlier that I thought there was a flip-side to you treating the other Rebellion members like the miscellanious hogwarts students, and it's that at the end of the day, that's what they are. They act mostly like friends when they're a part of the Rebellion - Jade knows a few names and even meets a few people, but they're optomistic children. They don't realize that when push comes to shove, those bonds that they're forming probably aren't going to hold out when they're faced with their deaths. After the attack on Midnight Island and the loss of Stalker's Leadership and also half the squad, they all kind of just split up once they realize how fragile and doomed the whole operation was. And I think that's what makes this section LC extremely real to me - there's no way Jade would have been able to know and make friends with literally everyone in the Rebellion, and if the Rebellion had stuck together afterwards it would have rang as extremely unrealistic to me. So, at least for this part, I think keeping all the children mostly in the background made the Rebellion's falling apart extremely believable.
“I’m the boss’s daughter,” Starr answered before Ajia got a chance to say anything.
CALLED IT
...Or half of it, really. Called it that Starr was essentially this universe's Silver (or is that Lexx? IDK but Starr kind of fills it more for me), but not that Starr was Astrid. In fairness, I don't really think it would have been feasibly possible to say that Starr was Astrid before the story revealed it, since the only real clue-in we had was that she was young for an executive
but like. they're all >20? and Jade kinda-sorta-recognized her, but she was also working pretty hard to keep it all under wraps until that alleyway meet-up in Lavender Town, so... I guess that means it worked? Either way, it was pretty shocking. I had been expecting Starr to show up sooner or later, but probably in Book II, not here.
After this chapter of Jade moping around and slowly getting her life back into order, I feel like this is where the second arc of LC Book I truly begins, and it brings back That One Character from the prologue and like chapter six or something that is insanely cool but hasn't had much screentime up until now: Ajia. For all intents and purposes I'm pegging Ajia the Hermione Granger of LC, and she pretty much lives up to that moniker - overskilled, knowledgable, always has a plan or some sort, and more. I kind of felt like she had some sue-ish tendencies in the beginning, but that was pretty much dispelled once I learned that she was Mew's Chosen. The line about her "making her own luck" is pretty powerful, IMO. And also the gambit with "Espeon" and "Umbreon" being Mew and Zoroark - that's so overcomplicated but also an insanely useful tactic and frankly you'd think more people in this universe would be using their pokemon in crafty ways like that.
So Ajia and Jade break into Viridian HQ, like... twice to talk to Starr, and then on the second break-in they also get Mewtwo freed and get Starr on their side and Ajia's Pichu defeats Starr's Raichu and then Mewtwo trashes the base. And this is about the first time that I begin to think that... okay, maybe they're getting away with a bit too much with these missions. Like, yeah, Ajia's OP and she's been doing this for years and she's got a legendary on her side, but at this point I'm confident that they're going to be able to battle their way out of whatever happens in the Team Rocket Bases. And,... they do. They did not suffer a single loss from this mission - unless you count Starr's Team Rocket membership, but even she admitted that was for the best later. As fun as it was in the moment, I think that was a bit of a letdown for me. No tension because I basically knew they were going to get away with it.
The chapters in between were nice and quiet, though. We got to watch Starr slowly come around, and begin to heal her relationship with Jade despite all the stuff that happened between them previously. There was also a bunch of worldbuilding, which helped reveal how much power Team Rocket truly holds here, and especially their control over Johto. Although, we still haven't seen anything of the Johto Force yet... it feels like you're holding this card close to your chest but I would have expected we'd see at least
something now that Jade and Starr have crossed over there. Especially considering Jade spends like nine months in Johto after Book I, so you'd think they would rear their heads at some point.
And then we finally meet Stalker again, and we learn that he is, in fact, a Rocket - not just a Rocket, the
Johto Commander at that - and prooobably shaping up to be a Big Bad of this story and I am not surprised at all, tbh. This guy rang warning bells every step of the way. Just when you think about it - he's a probably 19 - 20 something-year-old training children practically half his age to fight a criminal military faction, he's got contacts and clearly holds lots of sway in Team Rocket, he never actually gets himself into the face of danger until it literally comes knocking at their doorstep, etc. Pretty fishy. The thing that got me about Stalker, though, was the way he talks to Jade along the missions. At best, he offers up some empty kind words and then it's back to strats and how she can be useful again. At worst? He literally makes it clear that the rebels exist as his subordinates, and that if Jade is going to do something for herself, she has to do something for him too. He is a good leader, though - I'll give him that much. If this were like a teen action novel, it feels like Stalker would be the cool older brother figure who's completely on the level... and yes, LC technically is a teen action story, but I often get the feeling you use that a lot to fool we the readers, so I shan't be tricked here
After this, you have "Stalker"/Sebastian essentially morally force Starr, Jade, and Ajia into Book I's final action setpiece: The raid on Viridian.
I have... mixed feelings on this setpiece. I think that you hit all the narrative goals you wanted - Establishing Jade and Lugia, and furthering Firestorm's arc to its crucial point - but the setpiece itself was such a large-scale thing that it was kind of boring to follow. We jump with Jade from battle to battle, watching them tangle with Mewto and eventually Lugia, but it feels like there's so much stuff going on that it's hard to capture it all in writing. I have one really strong feeling about this setpiece, and it's that it would look
really cool captured in an artpiece/film. But aside from that, it kind of made me go 'eh'. I think the beats that stood out the most to me were the ones that were relavent to the arcs at large - Firestorm straight-up killing a guy, and Jade capturing Lugia with a masterball and Lugia nearly killing her afterwards. I also find it interesting that Mewtwo was the only one to capture himself with a pokeball - was it just that he had easy access to one/was smart enough to make the connection? I don't really see Lugia just strolling into a pokemart and nicking a ball from the shelves, after all.
...Although, then again, when you're Lugia, you probably do whatever you want, tbh
The wind-down and eventual ending were satisfying, though. It was nice to see Firestorm's arc finally explained and concluded, although I do feel like it just sprang up out of nowhere. We didn't really see much of this before he became a Charmeleon, so I just wrote it off as a "Charmeleon attitude thing". It might be Early Installment Weirdness - I know you've said the Plane Arc isn't exactly a shining example of LC's best writing, but I would have liked some more hints from when he was a charmander pertaining to this. Unless I'm a dumbarse and missed them?
I liked that Rudy handed Jet off to Jade at the end. It made sense, given what happened to Wartortle, was also a nice mirror to Jade giving Pikachu to Rudy - they both did it because they'd lost a similar pokemon in the past and couldn't stand to train the current ones, and both became parts of their team later. Although granted, Pikachu kind of faded out of the picture after Jade gave her off to Rudy.
The ending of Book I itself is really good, though. I absolutely hate it when books end on deliberate cliffhangers so you'll buy/read the next one, so I'm glad that the ending here actually feels like it has finality. Watching Jade and Co. get their happy (...for nOW) ending made me more excited to start reading the next one more than any cliffhanger could have, tbh.
...Which is why, like the impatient person I am, I decided to start reading Book II despite knowing it isn't finished yet! This definitely will not come back to bite me when I inevitably catch up.
When Book II opens nine months after the first one ended, Jade is pretty much just going around Johto, keeping herself occupied and trying to forget that the whole Team Rocket thing happened. Which has earned her Chibi's ire, and he constantly nags her for updates from Ajia. Starr, understandably, wants nothing to do with any of this but will probably get dragged right back in later. I enjoyed the first few chapters, escpially the scene with the beach and the introduction to the Indigo League, but I feel like it began to drag once Jade battles Rudy. Pretty much the only narrative purpose I can see is introducing Rudy's league team, which feels like it could have been done much more cleanly with a league match of some kind. As it is, I honestly felt a bit bored reading that part.
Of course, you don't let it meander forever. Trouble is on its way, and it comes in the form of Lexx from the Chapter 24 Extra. He's an asshat who works for Sebastian and is apparently related to Starr and is also apparently playing every single side because he sold out his own Father to Ajia and then considered selling out Ajia to Giovanni and now apparently sold out to Sebastian. Talk about chaotic evil, tbh. Then Moltres attacks the league, and we meet our two presumable deuterantagonists for this book - Ender and Raven. We admittedly don't get to see much of them yet, but from what little they do see they seem extremely dangerous and even Starr is apprehensive of them. I'm interested to see what these two are going to do from here, since it seems like you're setting them up for big things.
Afterwards is the part that seems like it's going to the real important stuff - and it makes up the fic cover too! The Legendaries' Chosen Ones. So far, it's Ajia and Jade who have been Chosen by Mew and Lugia, respectively, and I don't really know how to feel about Lugia yet. So far it seems like it's open to the prospect of being friendly with Jade - which, I mean, it's just bonded for life with her so yeah, probably a good idea - but at the same time it doesn't seem very concerned about whether or not she dies or lives or anything. We've only really seen a bit of it yet but I don't get very altruistic vibes off Lugia. It feels... selfish, and I have a feeling that's gonna come out to play sooner or later.
As an aside, I'm also interested that Hoenn is getting involved now! I wonder how many other regions you're planning to take us to in the future.
Plz Kalos
And through it all, Jet looked… worryingly unconcerned.
Jet rn:
I... feel very worried for Jet.
So now some general notes on the story. The first thing I want to talk about is how much of a brilliant subversion this story is. It starts out as a goofy, Harry Potter-esque magic school type thing, but that's all a facade, really - you use Jade's First Person POV and her limited knowledge to keep us under that illusion until the entire thing breaks and then once it does we realize - like Jade - that everything isn't as black and white or easy as she's made it out to be. The entire second half of LC Book I feels like a series of consecutive sucker punches meant to completely ruin any sense of fantasy the world of LC had - this isn't a utopian Trainer world where kids fight Team Rocket and get off scot-free. If you're in, you're in for life - however short that life may be.
As I said in my previous reviews, you do a really good job with the worldbuilding here - I love little tidbits you throw out that build the world and make it seem believable, like how Team Rocket operates economically, where their bases are, trainer logistics, an actual Exam, etc. They make the world seem real, lived-in, and full of its own problems that couldn't ever exist in ours, no matter how similar they are. I also really enjoyed the addition of Pokespeech being an actual language and lowering that barrier between Humans and Pokemon. It's easy to take it for granted when you're like 20 chapters into this fic, but this is honestly one of only a few fics I've seen that do this or something similar, and it does so much. All of the pokemon are characters in ways they really couldn't be if you didn't give them the ability to talk, and just for that reason this is perhaps my favorite part of the worldbuilding here.
I did have some issues with the story while reading, though. The first one is that I constantly got the feelings of It's Too Easy throughout the whole story - and yes, the Rebellion was doing the Bad Guy's Bidding the whole time, so it technically was too easy, but even so. It feels like they often don't have trouble doing things that would be a lot more hassle IRL - it's way too easy to get your hands on a rocket ID with Admin Rights, way too easy to just blow up machines when the plot demands it (and near-impossible when it doesn't), Jade and company escape one too many rocket bases and battlefields mostly unscathed, etc. For the level of dangerous stuff going on that Jade is meddling in, it never really feels like she's had a true brush with death until the attack on Midnight Stadium. And while that may just be part of Jade's POV, that she's not fully understanding/caring what she's playing with, I often get the feeling that things are being ignored/conveniently shafted so Jade and Co. can stand a chance against the Rockets.
I also had some logical complaints about the story at large: Firstly, it's clear that the Rockets have access to huge artillery and firepower, given that they carry around guns, had countless explosives applied to the S.S. Anne, and are able to mass produce weapons like the ALRs. And that's just the Kanto Force; who knows what the Johto Force is capable of. And while it may not be the best idea to, y'know, blast Raikou, the Legendary Birds, and Mew full of bullets while you're trying to capture them, it feels like they should be using their firepower against the Rebellion more? At most, a few guns are pulled on Jade. For instance, the attack on Midnight Stadium probably could have been accomplished much more covertly by a sneak-attack squadron, a few guns, and some cleverly-placed arson. They didn't have to go the whole nine yards and use Moltres out in the open where there are clearly Rockets there anyway.
Second thing is that there's this whole rivalry between the Kanto and Johto units, to the point where they're fighting over who gets to claim Entei, they very clearly hate each other, etc. I mean, Stalker commands the Johto Force, and he's presumably doing this so that the Johto Force can get all the legendaries and stick it to the Kanto Force. Thaaat's an internal problem if I ever saw one. Even without the knowledge that this is what Stalker was doing, if the Kanto Force routinely got sabotaged and let all these legendaries get away, and then the Johto force just swooped in and got them all without a hiccup, with
knowledge of this very public rivalry I would begin to get suspicious pretty quickly. And Stalker may be in Tohjoan command, but I very much doubt he equals Giovanni (?) in rank. So I'm wondering why Giovanni's just content to sit back, (presumably) pet his persian and boss his daughter around, while there's this very clear schism growing in his organization and it's beginning to affect his plans. And to learn that something to this extent happened about two years ago, caused all this, and he apparently didn't care... He just reads to me as more incompetent than anything. I have to wonder if he's actually in command or just a figurepiece for someone else.
I also felt that the Book Two Opening was a little janky. The buildup with the league was cool and all, but even for a slow burn I found myself getting bored in parts. For instance, I didn't really feel like anything was accomplished by Jade and Rudy's battle that couldn't have been shown in a league match instead... Although, granted, I might have been spoiled by Book I's fast pace. I honestly felt like we were meandering around a bit before the Rockets attack the league with Moltres, and then after that the pacing speeds up to 180 and we're dealing with new Rocket Commanders, Lexx, Lugia, Chosen Ones, etc. Now that the pacing seems to be stabilizing out to what it was in Book I, I feel like the opening sticks out like this weird thumb.
Overall, The Lengendarian Chronicles is a sometimes zany, sometimes dead-serious combination of Harry Potter, Stand By Me, and Pokemon, and I am loving it all the way. Like every story, it has its issues, but like all good stories, those are eclipsed by its positives. My sole worry at this point is that I'm gonna run out of material and then be waiting years for the rest of the story to be published - I'm not actually sure how many Books are planned, now that I think about. I... wanna say three or four? IDK, though. Either way, this is genuinely the best trainerfic I've read in a long while, and I don't throw around that title lightly. Keep on writing!
Please. Don't leave me in the dark forever :sadcat:
~SparklingEspeon
Listening to:
JoJo
