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Chapter 4: A Troubling Night

Hi there, Shini! I didn't want to keep you waiting, so I directed a bunch of energy back your way here in the form of my next review! I think I might have improved my overall review style (at least a little maybe?) and hope you like it!

The sunlight had shone onto the dense grove of trees, having cast short shadows below them.
Alright, so it's around mid-day.

A small Pidgey had perched on a tree branch, his head tilting to the left and gazing at the human under him.

The human was about eight times his height and wore a white coat that reached its knees. The human's glasses glinted in the afternoon sun, a clipboard and a strange rectangular object in its hands. "Unique Specimen has been adequately trained. Proceed to send in the newborns for the next batch of trainers as per protocols."
A professor of some kind it seems. I wonder what the object is? Seems to be a professor of a standard region. Sounds like they are talking about starter Pokemon.

The ball opened with a red burst of energy, and a strange yellow bipedal fox Pokémon took shape. The human commanded the Pokémon before vanishing in a blip of light.
The human vanished or the Pokemon? It sounds like it was the human! Teleportation?

Having no idea what had happened, he stood there, blinking owlishly and looking at his surroundings for a little while.

Days and weeks passed by, and he was flying over the tall grass of the field and into a geometrically perfect line of trees.
I like how this orchard is described. The Pidgey wouldn't have a word for it. Nice touch!

He had seen others of his kind around, but he didn't care much for them. There had also been some young humans that had gone by the route and fought some of the Pidgeys, and because of how the humans interacted with them, he figured it was better to hide than to confront the bloodthirsty trainers.
Makes me wonder why all Pokemon aren't this careful. :eyes:

He perched on a tree, one that he frequented, and took some time to clean his feathers and maintain his perfect physique. The coat-wearing human had always said his body was well beyond the others, even going as far as to say he was perfect at times.
Either this Pidgey has some amazing IV's or maybe its a shiny?

Sounds of rustling leaves alerted him and he caught a blur of brown at the corner of his eyes. He quickly took his beak off his wing and scanned his surroundings, a wary look in his eyes.

A long silent minute of worry crept onto his spine, his talons carrying him backwards and into something warm and feathery.

He jumped. A startled yelp escaping his beak as he quickly turned around.

A Pidgey stood there, snickering to herself. "Got 'cha, didn't I?"

He clutched his chest, taking in deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He recovered and faced the other Pidgey, snarling at her. "What was that for?"

The Pidgey spoke between snickers. "Just something to lighten up that pompous ass of yours."
Ah so the male Pidgey IS happy to hear its body is perfect. That could certainly cause him to appear pompous! This female Pidgey certainly seems to be a handful though!

"Pompous what?"

The Pidgey stopped laughing and gained a look of realization. "Oh, I getcha'. You're from that section. No wonder you're so unlike the others. You got a name here, or should I start calling you Short Stuff, Short Stuff?"
So... I don't know if you like using italics to emphasize words, but if you were to do it as "You're from that section." I think it might give you more of what you are trying to do here. No idea if that is something you might do though. If so, just let me know and I can have a separate section to point out opportunities for that if you want. Mostly, I just wanted to communicate here that I am willing to do that if it's something you find value in.

Female Pidgey is so sassy! :mewlulz:

"Mine didn't exactly have a yellow Pokémon, but yeah. They didn't seem to care whenever I tried asking them questions. Don't know if they could understand me but, heheh you wouldn't believe how pissed off he was when I stuffed some dirt down his pants." She giggled. "It was hilarious."
What a little rascal! :mewlulz:

He tilted his head, appalled at her actions as a concerned look crept onto his face. "Weren't you afraid they would shock you?"

"I try not to worry about it." She shrugged. "You can call me Prance by the way. Came up with it myself." She held her head high, her eyes narrowing with a smirk. She chuckled, shrugging as she sighed. "Though I'll probably have to change it when I get captured by a human."
This makes getting caught sort of sad, but it certainly provides some depth!

Captured? Why on earth would she… "What does that mean exactly?"
Ah, so you do use at least some italics! I hadn't noticed if you had before because I haven't been looking for it.

"Hm? Oh yeah, it's those red balls, pokéballs or something, they turn us into energy or something… Didn't the human tell you about 'em?"

The colors drained off his face as he recalled the device. "Oh… so that's what they're called."

Prance nodded. "I've been looking for someone to catch me with one of 'em but–" She shrugged. "–they were a bit too weak for my taste."
Well, Prance probably seems crazy to the other Pidgey now if she didn't already... :eyes:

"Wait, why would anyone want to live in someplace so small? Don't you want to have the skies all to yourself instead of staying in a small cramped space?"

"Eh." Prance shrugged. "I think that's a good price to pay for guaranteed strength."
Hmm I wonder what she is basing that 'guaranteed strength' on? Leveling up by battling? Accumulation of Effort Values?

Strength… She wanted to be someone's pet for more power?
Well Mr. male pidgey, there are certainly weirder reasons to become pets in the world...

He shook his head. "I don't think I want to have anything to do with humans."

"Well, tough luck, Short Stuff. You'll barely survive till next year if you don't have a trainer. Many Pidgeys and Rattatas around here will be killed or sent to a breeding centre if you don't get captured by a human."
Wow I caught a spelling error! In this fic, its almost like catching a shiny Pokemon in the wild!
Breeding center.

Killed?! Dang that's dramatic! I also assume there is truth behind it! I wonder what IS Prance worried about ending them?

"What?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Being killed and used as a breeding machine just because he didn't want to be a human's pet. How does Prance know this?
That's exactly what I'M thinking too, Short Stuff. Come to think of it, I'll just start calling you Stuffy. Stuffy, the feather-dirt slayer. 😜

"Yup." She nodded. "I barely survived last year when I saw them coming. Being a human's pet is so much easier than trying to survive in the wild, there's no food around here and we can't last more than a year without proper nutrition. Plus, I could get so much stronger if I had a human. Would be nice to be on top of something for once." Prance then pointed a wing behind him. "Oh look, there's one right now! See ya!"

Prance took off, leaving him alone to ponder over her words.
Wow this is a lot for Stuffy to process. And who the heck is THEM? :copyka:

If I don't find a human, I'll die… But he didn't want to be bound to someone, he wanted to be free, to soar above the clouds and see the world.

But was it worth dying for?

Days passed and he spent the majority of the daylight dodging any fights and capture from the small humans. It was when the sun was setting, did he see her again.
Like the threat she warned of, I think her being around will be helping to motivate Stuffy.

The Pidgey, Prance fluttered down, a smirk on her face. “Yo! How's it hanging, Short Stuff. I love what you've done with the place!” His face was blank, not a hint of the annoyance he was feeling showing when he saw her ‘admiring’ his perch. “Wide, open and an amazing view of the sky. Of course, it's nowhere near as awesome and roomy as my branch but it comes as a very close second place.”
Prance may be a little stinker, but her bugging him seems to show she cares underneath her sassy facade. :unquag:

Alright Prance, I like you... as long as you don't stuff dirt down my pants... :eyes:

He spun around, trying to ignore her.

She flew closer to him, blocking his view of the field. “So!” She spread her wings wide open. “Got your eye on someone yet? ‘cause I certainly got mine on one.” The grin on her face twitched until she broke down into laughter. “Oh who am I kidding. Everyone here’s too weak for someone like moi.”
Well! Prance is one to talk regarding pompousness!

I wonder if this is going to be a backstory to the Perry the Pigeot from the previous chapter?

No idea what's going on in terms of where this is in the plot yet, but as with other chapters, I have learned patience is rewarded. Plus, I'm enjoying the interaction between Stuffy and Prance and the intrigue of the ominous threat that looms.

Good job at making it easy to set the rest of the plot aside for this section so far!

He stared at the Pidgey in front of him, his eyes twitching in annoyance at the proudness radiating from her. “What do you want?” he said.
Spell check says proudness is wrong. Not sure if you intended it to be that way, but if not, probably switch it for pride.

“Nothin’ much.” She admitted with a wink. “Just wanted to talk, y’know. Your face was all gloomy and doomy and you're out here all alone! Life’s too short to not enjoy it with other people!” she exclaimed before her expression took on a more mischievous note. “And speaking of short…”
She's up to something! :eyes:

Gloomy and doomy? She really thought he could act like nothing had happened after the revelation she dropped on him. How was he supposed to react? Happily waiting to be trapped in those pokéballs? He’d rather take to the skies and bask in freedom regardless of the pain.
Such a good contrast for Prance. I'm getting romantic partner vibes from these two birds. :veelove:

A mass of feathers covered his vision and he flinched, the teasing look in Prance’s eyes filling his sight. “Tag! You're it!” She poked him with a wing and fled, leaving him in a state of confusion.
But what does that have to do with short?! Unless that was Prance's plan all along: to sow the seeds of confusion before she struck! :wowzard:

She returned moments later when he didn't make any movement.

“You're supposed to chase me, y’know,” she said, flying back down and returning to her perch.

“...why would I do that?”

“It’s a game I saw from my travels… probably one of the few good things I learned…” she muttered under her breath before shaking her head. “You're supposed to chase me, then I chase you, then you chase me again… Come on, try it! I can guarantee it'll be loads of fun!”

“That sounds like a waste of energy,” he said as blunt as the branch they were on.
Wasting energy may seem like Stuffy is just being stuffy, but Prance mentioned a food shortage, so he HAS a point there.

“Nothing’s a waste if you enjoy yourself!” A sincere smile was on her face, she sounded like she truly believed that. “Come on, give it a go!”
Words of wisdom. Well said, Prance! :quag:

It only took a few moments for his composure to falter and he relented. “Alright. Fine, let's play. But, don't come whining about it if I get you more than you do.”

“Hah! That's the spirit!”

Weeks passed by, he and Prance met a few more times during this period. They sometimes played games she found from her travels, other times they chatted; Prance mostly talked and laughed about how weak everyone who came to this place was.

And while he wouldn't admit it verbally, lest he gave her another topic to tease him about, he had been enjoying their little interactions, it was fun having another Pokémon around.
Seeing them keep each other company gives such a nice feel-good vibe in contrast with the looming threat.

I'm seriously loving this chapter so far even though it has absolutely no tie in to the rest of the fic that I can confidently identify yet.

I'm pretty sure something bad is about to happen though, now that you have got me to care about these two birds... :sadwott:

On one starry night as he sat perched on a branch, scratching his talons against the bark of the tree and carving a small portrait of a pokéball. He focused on the bark, his eyes screwing up and his mind wandering. Freedom… is it really worth it? He grimaced, a wing hovering over his stomach. Maybe Prance has the right idea.

His mind wandered over to the female Pidgey, memories of her talons fidgeting and wings fluttering along with her laughing wholeheartedly at her own stupid jokes came to his mind.

He wondered why it was easier to remember her when he had met dozens of other Pidgeys in the past month.
Ooo! Is this when he figures out his feelings for her? :eyes:

Maybe it was the way she laughed, or how her feathers ruffled in delight when he pronounced his annoyance to her. Maybe…

A name… she has a name… he reasoned, shaking his head as his stare intensified. But do… Do I want one? Would it… would it serve any purpose? What… what could I use? Do names have to mean something?
Stuffy! Thy name is Stuffy! :screm:

A tap on his shoulder brought him back to reality. He turned around and saw Prance with two small round objects in her beak.

"Yo, ya' done with your brooding yet? I found these when a trainer got beaten by a Rattata," she said, snorting a bit. "I know, losing to a Rattata, how weak can you be?"
Calling it now, the last boss will somehow be a Rattata. :eyes:

She placed one of the orbs in front of him and he stared at it blankly, not sure what it even was.

Prance noticed his expression and said, "Never seen an Oran Berry before? They're some pretty good stuff."

She chewed and swallowed the fruit, expelling a breath of satisfaction. "Nothing like a good berry to keep me going. Just imagine all the berries I could eat if I got a human."

She frowned, noticing the Pidgey still staring at his food with a blank look. "Hey, you alright? If-if you don't like it, I could go find something else for you–"

"Why?"

Prance raised a brow. "Why what?"

"Why do you deal with me? Why do you talk to me? I can't even remember any of the Pidgeys around here but you, you still remember me… I… don't even know my parents. I-I don't know if I have any siblings… or whether anyone here's one of them or if they're dead or–"

Prance placed a wing on him, cutting him off with a gentle pat. "Hey, it's alright. You're alright. I don't know my parents either so I know how you feel. It's okay to feel like this like you're all alone in a large world controlled by monsters. It's okay to feel these emotions, you're still young. We all are."
Ok I was NOT expecting to almost cry. What the CRAP Shini! :copyka:

She walked away with a sigh, her eyes staring into the sky with a look of longing. "... I've spent a long time… a long long time trying… I've spent so much of my life searching for my purpose, chasing my dreams, my ideals… and yet…” Her head lowered, her voice trembling. “It hurt so much. The loneliness, the hunger, the pain. I thought I was above it all, above the suffering my freedom caused me…”

She whimpered, a tear trailing down her cheek. “... no one should ever experience that. No one should ever see what I saw… It's why I try. I tried so damn hard to help them, help them find their trainers, find their purpose in life.” She took in a breath, a bitter chuckle escaping her. “Most never make it past their first month and… others had merely forgotten about me." She chuckled bitterly. "It's kinda why I gave myself a name. I wanted to make other Pokémon remember me, to make them know me, to let them know what they shouldn't be like. I wanted them to know that they're not alone, that their world can be so much more than just death and battles even… even if you have to give up your freedom for comfort, for love. For a chance to be the best."
Shini, this chapter is gold so far...

Seeing this kind of stuff makes me think you will probably enjoy more of my fic in later chapters of it. I so badly want to say more, but I refuse to spoil things.

She paused, looking back at him with a timid frown. Her legs took her back to his side, she grabbed him by the shoulders and stared straight into his eyes, a tired sigh escaping her beak. "Look, Short Stuff… I actually had many chances to leave and never look back but you… you reminded me of myself… when I was confused, young, stupid and so full of myself. I thought I could take on the world without a trainer, to continue a life with my freedom but…"

He felt something wet dripping onto him and her body shaking against his. Prance took in a breath, her voice shaky. "But it… it only gave me pain… there's nowhere that the humans haven't taken control of. You need to remove that selfish idea that you could make a difference, that you could live on without help… please, for your sake and… for my sake, please don't leave… don't waste your life chasing freedom when it'll only bring you pain… Don't make the same mistake I made."

Her sniffles grazed his hearing. She wept on his shoulder, causing him to flinch and making his heart weep in return.

He took in a breath, now understanding why she did this. He understood now that he had to do this, he had to tell her. "Perry… Prance, call me Perry."
Ok 'Perry' but from now on I'm still calling you Stuffy! :mewlulz:

This is a great flashback chapter. I love how it provides so much more essence to Perry-who-shall-only-be-Stuffy-going-forward.

She glanced at him, her bleary eyes making him pause but he proceeded regardless.

"And… and I can't do something like that, Prance. I… I don't want to live a life where I'm a pet… a slave to their whims… I want to fly around the world… see everything… experience the dangers myself… I will not be bound… I won't be bound by fear."
Well... at least until Crude shows up anyway. Nice while it lasted though! You built up a great life over the years it seems, Stuffy!

Prance sighed, wiping her tears away with a wing. "I see… if that's what you really want… then I'm sorry… I'm sorry I couldn't make you understand…”

Perry flinched, feeling the words stabbing through him as he watched her leave.
Stuffy, you may not realize it right now, or maybe you do, but she is the love of your life and is about to leave. You can't let things end like this... :sadwott:

He took in a breath as he leaned against the tree. He plucked some nearby leaves and created a makeshift blanket, emptying his mind and trying to lull himself to sleep.

The silence of the night did nothing to quell her words and tears. They echoed endlessly in his mind, making him squirm uncomfortably as his mind drifted into a dreamless rest.

The moon gave way to the sun as it shone down on the sleeping Pidgey.
Darn it Stuffy! You had ONE job!! :screm:

He woke up to a loud voice screaming, "Pidgey, use Gust!"

The sounds of winds whipping alerted him, his body taking off before his mind could comprehend those words.

The tree branch he was previously on was shredded to pieces, and he whipped his head around, staring at something that hit him like a punch to the gut.

The Pidgey that flew opposite of him was familiar and he couldn't believe his eyes. He didn't want to believe them.

Prance hovered opposite of him, her hazel eyes narrowed and glaring at him.
Nooo! Prance! WHY?! :letsgorb:

But… but there was something wrong with her. There was no humour in her eyes, no sadness, no anger, nothing.
Spelling should be: humor

Not even an acknowledged look.

Her eyes were glazed over like she wasn't even focusing on him.
Ok so what was all that crap about how Pokeball's aren't a form of mind control? It BLOODY-WELL looks that way to me here!! :screm:

Well! I think this is about to inspire some INTENSE character development!

"Quick Attack!"

He glanced down, seeing a male human child pointing a finger at him. That action distracted him and he took the attack head-on.

He staggered as Prance flew back, her eyes still unfocused and her breath steady.

Perry recovered mid-air, regaining his altitude as he shouted at her, "Prance, it's me, Perry! Why-why are you attacking me?"

She didn't respond, it was like she didn't even hear him.

"Prance, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for leaving you! Please stop, I don't want to hurt you!"

"Quick Attack again!" the child shouted.

She blurred forward, crashing into him with her beak.

A shot of pain went through him as he came to a cold realization. Something happened to her… was it the human? Did they do something to her?

Perry tumbled to the ground, his breaths slow and heavy. He took off much slower than before and hollered, "Prance, snap out of it! Please! I don't want to hurt you!"

But she didn't stop, she charged at him, breath steady and eyes emotionless as the human called out more commands.
Something big is about to happen. I can feel it.

Perry grimaced, dodging the oncoming attacks with surprising ease. Why is she so slow? She was nowhere near this slow when we played...

He flew higher into the sky, watching in surprise when she stopped her attacks and gazed everywhere but up.

Why is she doing this? Did our time together mean nothing? Perry shook his head. No, she was too genuine to be faking that. Something must've–

A flash of his crudely made Poké ball came to his mind.

"There was nothing around that the humans haven't taken control of."

The pokéball, it did something to her but what? How did it make her like this? She's… she's like a mindless animal.
How ironic. To humans, Pokemon appear the opposite when wild vs caught.

Perry glanced down, noticing that she was still looking around aimlessly.

He dropped his head, a tear dropping from his eye as he flew further into the sky. I'm sorry, Prance. I'm sorry I made you think I didn't care… I'll… I'll find a way to help you, to save you, no matter what. Just wait for me, Prance.

"Wait for me…" He had stared back at the shrinking land, his shoulders having felt much heavier as he flew.
But what can you possibly do now? You should have stopped her Stuffy... :sadwott:



The basalt floor cracked and broke beneath his talons. Perry shook his head, growling at the man in front of them.

"Wise choice," Crude said, curling his hand up as the biggest Pokémon in the portal became enshrouded in a purple glow.
NOW we time travel?! Nooo! What happened to Prance!? You play dirty, Shini...

The Pokémon around the blue bird cried out in shock as she disappeared in a flash of light.

The Swellow squawked in surprise, suddenly appearing in front of them. Stirring and groaning, her eyes groggily looked around her before she spotted the two birds. "Perry? Rower? Wh-what's going on? Where's– the human! Perry, we must–"

"No, Sil. We can't." Perry grimaced, loathed as he may, he couldn't let her attempt a fight she couldn't win. "This… this thing isn't a normal human. He–you've seen what he did to the village. We can't–"

Sil shook her head, wings spread in shock. "Excuse me? Are you just gonna give up? He has our friends in there!" Perry took care to avoid her glare, causing the Swellow to moan out in frustration. She turned around and if looks could kill, Crude would be dead well over three times. "You! Release our citizens!"

Crude lazily gazed at the Swellow, a hand rubbing his chin. "Nah, I don't think I will. Need something to satiate my boredom after all." He tilted his head, dodging a blue bird-shaped flame. Then he leaned forward, evading a wing that gleamed like metal. Snapping his fingers, he froze her in place, regarding her shocked gasp with an annoyed glance. "Look, if you really want the others to be free. You just have to do a little thingy for me, 'mkay? That sounds fair, doesn't it?"
This scene definitely helps to portray Crude as an invincible villain since I doubt even Stuffy would fair any better against him...

"You reckless imbecile!" Rower hissed before Perry slipped through his grasp and started charging towards the man with murder in his eyes. "Not you too," he groaned.

"Sil!" Perry rushed forward without a second thought, his talons out and wings spread, Perry charged the man at speeds faster than the human eye could perceive. Winds kicked, sharp and quick rushing at the man.
Well. This is going to suck. For Stuffy... :sadwott:

The man, however, didn't move, not looking phased by his attack as the same smirk continued to stretch across his face. It irked Perry when the man allowed the winds to hit with naught but a passing glance. Dust clouded his vision before suddenly, a hand reached out, grabbing Perry by the neck and slamming him into the ground with more force than necessary to subdue the Pidgeot.

His back roared in pain, rocks scraped against his back, tearing off some feathers. But Perry didn't let the pain slow his wrath as he pushed through, slashing and tearing at the man's arms and for a moment, he was sure he was cutting off bits of flesh.

But like before, all he did was delay the inevitable.

An amused chuckle was the last thing he heard before he felt himself flying into the wall at sound-breaking speeds with the surface, somehow, still in perfect condition. Stirring in agony, Perry fell onto the ground with a heavy thud, breathing heavily with an eye shut tight and blood dripping down his head.

The pain didn't last long however as he heard the man snap his fingers once more and the injuries on Perry's body healed themselves, flesh stitching and sewing back together, bones mending, and feathers regrowing.
Darn it Stuffy... you had one job... :sadwott:

I'm wondering why Crude even bothers to get others to do things for him. It seems it would be easier for him to just do it all himself. Perhaps his powers are limited in some way that have yet to be displayed?

"Heh heh, an impressive display of bravado, my little birdies," Crude said, checking his nails and absolutely relishing in their pain before shrugging and returning turning his head to them. "But that's the thing, isn't it? Simple bravado… well, it can only take you so far." The smirk on his face grew an unsettling amount, his fangs bared and threatened to split his face entirely, and his eyes glowed brighter, the ominous gold ensnaring a tinge of crimson that seemed to dance like the flame of a torch, shimmering like the starry night. The red on his head started dripping onto the floor like water pouring, smearing the basalt before stretching outwards, seemingly coming to life. Like a web being spun, it spread, capturing him in a world of red.
Quite the vivid description!

As Perry emerged in the new world of crimson and familiarity, a voice cried out to him, screaming at him for his past transgressions.

And he turned, standing face-to-face with the one he had abandoned.

“Liar!” she screeched.
Prance. :eyes:

Not another time travel again!! Stop screwing with my reading experience, CRUDE!:screm:

Her eyes lingered on the torches lining the walls, the familiar grey and white giving her a strange sense of foreboding. The torches were still lit, which was strange. No mon should've been out this late, not even the usually nocturnal mons. The Tyrant had made it clear that using the darkness was more of a liability than a benefit.
Who is this now? Someone working for the Tyrant?

Evie narrowed her eyes, brows furrowing as she scanned the area, taking note of the droplets of blood and torn feathers on the ground. There was no doubt in her mind now, Perry definitely had something to do with this.
Oh are we back to what I am considering to be the present with June again now?

She turned her head slightly, catching the Charmander in her peripheral vision.
Alright so we get to see things from Evie's perspective now. Cool!

I feel all angsty about Prance now though! UGH! :sadwott:

June, the apparent 'human', was glancing at their surroundings, his brown eyes wide and curious (didn't all Charmanders have blue eyes?). After a moment, he noticed her stare and flinched, backing away slightly and looking more interested in his claws than her.

That action made her stomach churn and she looked away, shaking her head in an effort to distract herself from the guilt. She swiveled her ears in his general direction, and his strange Aura was brought to her attention once more. Again, it was still the same disgusting mix of lukewarm and half-full, a horrid unnatural viscous and slimy mixture that shouldn't be possible, and yet, there was something about it, something that she couldn't quite put a claw on. It felt kinda familiar? Similar? Like it was something she'd felt before?... No, no that wasn't it.

Ugh, nothing about this made sense.
Interesting to see an outside perspective on June's aura thing.

A Fire-type claiming to be a human with an Aura that could simply be described as abnormal... None of this made any sense.

How she wished he was a simple deranged, insane Pokémon, that would've been so much easier to handle. However, life, it seemed, was still unpredictable even in these peaceful times.
Well, he's not insane and he IS a human who needs help. GG Evie. :mewlulz:

"She must be really… important to you, huh? Um, like… well, I guess it makes sense since I almost–err… well…" He made an exaggerated coughing sound, “What am I saying, of course she's important…” he murmured before turning his head back and continuing, “Anyways, I–"

She didn't know what it was, but something told her he wouldn't stop trying to make short talk until she had answered and that was… totally fine, it wasn't like she'd told him to pipe down mere minutes ago! Why wouldn't he just fucking listen to her and shut up?

She turned around with a snarl, putting a paw forward and crushing the pebble beneath her into dust. "You want me to talk? Fine! My sister, Zeal. She's a cute little Zorua that I would give my life for! I'd raised her since she was hatched twelve years ago! She is my only reason for living, my one true support in life. Without her, I wouldn't be where I am. Without her, my life would have no meaning. Without her, I–" She shook her head, biting her tongue. "I have no reason to live. I'd never forgive myself if I let anything happen to her."

The last part she'd muttered to herself, uncaring of whether he'd heard her or not.
June gets under her skin but she is too much of a softy to kill him. Its kind of cute, actually.

Then she glanced at the Charmander, his arms were held up in front of him in a pitiful attempt to defend himself. She could see the subtle shaking in his legs, his tail flame glowing a little brighter, and the hesitant fear in his eyes. Taking in a breath to calm herself, she gave him a dull stare. "Well? Did that satisfy you?" When she got no verbal response in turn, she sighed and shook her head. "Whatever. Let's just get going, I got a certain bird I have to interrogate."
At least June understands she theoretically COULD kill him.

No longer caring for an answer, she turned around, her ears subconsciously swivelling in his direction as she trotted away.
Spelling: swiveling

That's another cute detail. She decided that she doesn't care for an answer, but her ears say otherwise. :mewlulz:

"D-do you really mean that?" The fear in his stutter froze her for a moment, the question registering in her a second later.

Without missing a beat, she turned her head and answered, "Yes and nothing will stop me from keeping her safe and happy."

"I… wow um, I don't really know how to put this to words but… erm, I–uh… that's… that's really… admirable. I-I mean devoting yourself to making someone else happy? That's just… and I'm sorry if this sounds a little personal," he said, fiddling with his claws and taking quick and short glances at her. "But um, ar-are you sure you're fine? Li-like this, I mean. Disregarding your own worth, basing yourself on someone else's happiness. That just… that just doesn't sound healthy… I mean, don't you want to find your own happiness? Have fun with your life, live it, make friends, explore, and learn things to your heart's content–"
June, I'm not sure when the time to have this conversation is, but it most likely is not right now... :copyka:

"Stop." The sudden sharpness in her voice quickly shut him up. She glared at him, daring him to defy her. With a growl in her voice, she spoke, having tried her hardest to not jump straight to shouting. "Stop trying to sound like you know what I've been through. You have NO idea what my or anyone else's life is like. So please… shut your mouth before I change my mind about your 'help'.”

"I-I–" He flinched, stepping back and relenting with a stutter. "O-okay."
June. You mean well, but yikes.

The two traversed through the caverns in silence.

Evie didn't bother giving him a second glance as she guided him through the tunnels, her eyes meeting the ground, knowing that she'd given more than what she'd like to that boy.
I think this is saying she thinks she went overboard with her reaction to June, but it could also be referring to the amount of details she gave regarding her sister. I suppose it could also be both. Its been a while since I thought I could contribute something useful; I would recommend a little clarification here if its something you intend the readers to understand.

NOT AGAIN! AAAAHH!!! :letsgorb:*Gets sucked again into the interdimensional time-space vortex of narration shift*

A Shinx in his bed of straw stirred in his sleep, shivering, his paws stretched and moved in search of any nearby warmth. Whimpering as the cold assaulted the cub, he curled into a ball, ears lowered. "Mama…"
I don't know where Crude is right now, but I blame him for this. BLAME! :screm:

Shez, in his sleep, moved his paws, swinging at the air as he searched in vain for his mother. He awoke moments later, eyes opening slowly, glancing around as confusion set upon him.

"Mama?" He rubbed his eyes, getting to his feet. "Where are you?" Where was his mama? Did she leave for the harvest already? He thought he'd told her he wanted to join her this time. Did she think he couldn't handle it?

Pouting, he made his way outdoors, and just as he looked around the strangely quiet village, he felt a chill running down his spine. Something wasn't right. Things felt cold and his stomach churned, his fur sparking with electricity as he trotted around the village, around a nearby corner, and made his way towards the central roundabout.

To him, the village had always felt scary at night. It was too quiet, with nothing but the sounds of snoring accompanying the dark, it was creepy as it always felt like the moon was peering down at him, taunting him for his lack of night vision as it painted the village in a chilly pale glow. But tonight, it had felt extraordinarily eerie like something was looking at him, stalking him in the dark.

Every step he took, every house he glanced at, there was nothing and yet, he could feel as if there was something, always just out of his sight but always staring.

Left. Right.
Hmm... unsettling and quiet. :eyes:

He looked at his surroundings, the outer torches were unlit, the wooden houses playing a hollow roar as the night breeze brushed by. The pale moon above shone down on him, tainting the empty village in its eerie color.

Empty.

Empty.

Empty.

Everywhere he looked, there was nothing but empty, abandoned houses, almost like the Pokémon around had been snatched in their sleep. He couldn't hear them. He couldn't smell them. He couldn't see them.
I get the feeling his anxiety is mounting. Cool effect using the same one-word line multiple times.

Where was everyone? Did something come up? Shez moved around quietly, peeking his head into a house every now and then, his stomach sinking lower and lower as he gazed upon another empty building.

"Mama? Aunty Carly? Guardian Sil?" His voice trembled as he ran off and away towards the center of the small village, his voice echoed. "Wh-where are you?"

No one was around.

No one was around.

He was alone. Alone.

Alone.

Shez finally made it. He found that the fountain in the centre was still working, with water spewing out the statue's beak. Yet, the sight of the statue did little to comfort him.
Whats going on? Did crude select another random Pokemon to terrorize by throwing them into another dimension again?

No one was around, he was alone. All alone and with–

Rustle.

Something moved. He jumped, head turning side-to-side, eyes scanning every little nook and cranny around him.

Something was in the dark with him and whatever it was, it was fast. Every time he even caught a glimpse of his stalker, it vanished into a blur.

He could hear his heart pumping in his ears, his eyes struggling to keep his speedy stalker in sight as he subconsciously took a few steps behind.

His hindquarters touched something, something warm and fluffy. Yelping, he jumped, legs spread as he fell onto his belly. Scrambling to his feet, he squeaked out. "Ah! Who's there? I-I-I know how to use Spark! So do-don't mess with me–"
Yeah I think just about anyone would be on edge here... :copyka:

"Hmph, you really gonna do that to me, Shez?" a familiar voice said. Blinking, he turned, the frightened look on his face fading as a smile dawned on him.

"Gild?"

The Purrloin grinned, arms stretched out as Shez tackled her to the ground, forelegs wrapping around her waist and nuzzling into her chest. "Gild! You–I thought… I… my mama… I… alone… no one–there was no one around and I-I was… I was so scared and… and…"
Well at least Shez is ok.

He let loose all the stress onto his long-time friend and in return, she began stroking his back in an attempt to soothe his shivering, chuckling as she said, "You big baby." She shook her head, her warmth doing wonders to his nerves. "Thank Arceus, you're okay…" She sounded so relieved as she tightened the hold around him.
Its nice seeing characters be nice. Ok Gild, on to the list-of-characters-I-like you go! :quag:

The embrace lasted a couple moments before she pushed him away slightly and gripped his shoulders, her eyes staring straight into his eyes with a serious look. "Shez, we need to find Perry."

"Hu-huh?"

"I–I don't have time to explain this, Shez but the village… isn't safe. There's a human out here." She glanced around, eyes narrowing and taking in their surroundings.
Well, that seems pretty bad for them.

"A-a human?" He paled. There had been stories of humans, the ones his mama always told especially freaked him and his friends out. They told of their technologies, able to take control of any Pokémon, regardless of their strength or experience. They told of their determination, always facing danger despite the risk of death. They told of their nature, cruel and viewing Pokémon as nothing but tools. It was the type of story that scared him and his friends no matter how many times they'd heard it.

And if Gild was correct…

He glanced back, noting the look in her eyes, and gulped.

The empty village… a human had taken them.

A human had taken his mama.
It seems that conflic between humans and Pokemon is a thing this fic is doing. Should be interesting to see where this goes.

Summary:

Ok so we got a backstory for Perry(whom I have dubbed Stuffy, the feather-dirt slayer.). Stuffy had one job (well, two I guess, but they were one at a time) and failed. Now the (technically presumed) love of his life, Prance, has been brain-wiped by the human who caught her, presumably via the Pokeball that caught her. What happened to Prance? Will Stuffy ever see her again? He did! Or at least I think he did... it really wasn't too clear on that... The point is: Stuffy has accomplished many things in life and evolved into a Pidgeot, but unless him and Prance can become the couple they were meant to be, his life will forever remain empty! So here I stand on the precipace of what could be. What will happen to Stuffy now? :wowzard:

Oh yeah and the chapter had some stuff in it about June, Evie and Shez. Evie continues to be the tsundere beast that she is and June continues to be awkward and saying all the right things at the worst times imaginable. :unquag:

This chapter had some seriously impressive writing in it. It was crazy how much I didn't mind going down the rabbit hole of Stuffy's backstory! :veelove:

Looking forward to the next chapter! :quag:
 

ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. froslass
  2. zorua-gojira
  3. salandit-shiny
  4. goomy
Hiya! Thanks for the review!

A professor of some kind it seems. I wonder what the object is? Seems to be a professor of a standard region. Sounds like they are talking about starter Pokemon.
The object's a tablet actually. I should probably clarify that a bit more. And the guy is actually talking about Perry here, rather than a starter mon.
The human vanished or the Pokemon? It sounds like it was the human! Teleportation?
Yup, both vanished. The Pokémon's an Alakazam and the human just used it to teleport.
Either this Pidgey has some amazing IV's or maybe its a shiny?
He's got perfect maxed out IVs
So... I don't know if you like using italics to emphasize words, but if you were to do it as "You're from that section." I think it might give you more of what you are trying to do here. No idea if that is something you might do though. If so, just let me know and I can have a separate section to point out opportunities for that if you want. Mostly, I just wanted to communicate here that I am willing to do that if it's something you find value in.

Female Pidgey is so sassy! :mewlulz:
Prance isn't necessarily emphasizing that sector actually. She says it because to her, it's just another thing that happens.
Ah, so you do use at least some italics! I hadn't noticed if you had before because I haven't been looking for it.
Yeah I have. I use them to show someone's thoughts and sometimes emphasizing certain words.
Wow I caught a spelling error! In this fic, its almost like catching a shiny Pokemon in the wild!
Breeding center.
Well, actually that's the British spelling of the word. I actually have a bad habit of writing both American and British spelling in my writing so if you don't mind, you could help me point out whether I've accidentally let a couple Americans slip past my border.
Ok I was NOT expecting to almost cry. What the CRAP Shini! :copyka:
Damn, you don't know how glad I am to hear that. I was worried that nobody would care too much about Prance and Perry so seeing this just makes me feel happy.

On another note, if this is enough to make you almost cry... you are so not ready for when I dive into the main cast's backstories.
Ok so what was all that crap about how Pokeball's aren't a form of mind control? It BLOODY-WELL looks that way to me here!! :screm:
Haha! You caught me, pokeballs do mind control their captures... or well in this universe they do. There is an in-universe reason for that and I plan to tackle it in a future arc one day.
I'm wondering why Crude even bothers to get others to do things for him. It seems it would be easier for him to just do it all himself. Perhaps his powers are limited in some way that have yet to be displayed?
Perhaps or maybe there is something else playing in the background...
Ok so we got a backstory for Perry(whom I have dubbed Stuffy, the feather-dirt slayer.). Stuffy had one job (well, two I guess, but they were one at a time) and failed. Now the (technically presumed) love of his life, Prance, has been brain-wiped by the human who caught her, presumably via the Pokeball that caught her. What happened to Prance? Will Stuffy ever see her again? He did! Or at least I think he did... it really wasn't too clear on that... The point is: Stuffy has accomplished many things in life and evolved into a Pidgeot, but unless him and Prance can become the couple they were meant to be, his life will forever remain empty! So here I stand on the precipace of what could be. What will happen to Stuffy now? :wowzard:
After Arc 1 gets completed, I do intend to write some extra content tackling more of Perry's backstory and the history of Troublewood so you can look forward to that.
 

133TFR33k

Creator of the Doduo Alliance
Partners
  1. doduo
The object's a tablet actually. I should probably clarify that a bit more. And the guy is actually talking about Perry here, rather than a starter mon.

Yup, both vanished. The Pokémon's an Alakazam and the human just used it to teleport.
Ah, these misunderstandings are easy to happen when its a Pokemon pov. Thankfully these things are not essential to enjoy the remainder of this flashback.

He's got perfect maxed out IVs
Ooo a confirmation of it! :eyes:

Nice detail! :quag:

Prance isn't necessarily emphasizing that sector actually. She says it because to her, it's just another thing that happens.
That's a solid reason!

Yeah I have. I use them to show someone's thoughts and sometimes emphasizing certain words.
Ok well I find all kinds of places to add italics in my fic even when I have read it several times. If looking out for those opportunities sounds useful to you, just let me know and I'll treat it like hunting for spelling errors.

Well, actually that's the British spelling of the word. I actually have a bad habit of writing both American and British spelling in my writing so if you don't mind, you could help me point out whether I've accidentally let a couple Americans slip past my border.
Since British spelling looks objectively wrong to me(even though its standard overseas), those should be pretty easy for me to spot. They will probably just look like normal spelling errors to me though, so I probably won't be specifying its the British spelling.

Damn, you don't know how glad I am to hear that. I was worried that nobody would care too much about Prance and Perry so seeing this just makes me feel happy.
If the fic were to suddenly spiral into a tale about Perry going on a quest for Prance to get her back, I wouldn't say no, and that is WITH the rest of the fic already being a solid read!

How could I not care about those birds after that? Seriously. HOW? :screm:

On another note, if this is enough to make you almost cry... you are so not ready for when I dive into the main cast's backstories.
1745382352208.jpeg

Haha! You caught me, pokeballs do mind control their captures... or well in this universe they do. There is an in-universe reason for that and I plan to tackle it in a future arc one day.
I understand why you had to do it though. If I knew ahead of time it would have taken away the pivotal moment when the trainer used Prance against Stuffy.

Perhaps or maybe there is something else playing in the background...
But what does that even mean??? :wowzard:

After Arc 1 gets completed, I do intend to write some extra content tackling more of Perry's backstory and the history of Troublewood so you can look forward to that.
*Fingers crossed for some kind of happy ending between Stuffy and Prance even if its way later*
 

133TFR33k

Creator of the Doduo Alliance
Partners
  1. doduo
Review:
Chapter 5 : Wrathful Betrayal

Hey Shini!

I'm here for the next review in our exchange!

It seems I might be the first to review this far into the fic for you! If so, I am happy to have the honor!

Minor Depictions of Blood and Cuts

His friend was shaken.

It had been a long time since Rower had seen Perry tremble in such fear. The way his pupils had shrunken to mere pinpricks, how his body quivered and curled into itself like a young chick huddling underneath a mother’s plumage, how his talons and muscles were tensed up as if he was debating on whether to run or fight.
Ahh Stuffy... you tried, my bird. Perfect IV's don't let you beat a being with (presumably) hacked stat values unfortunately...

And it was as painful a sight as the few times he'd seen Perry this way.

It only took Rower a few seconds to discern the cause. His friend was one to linger in the past, the pain, the trauma, all of which Rower had long since accepted and moved on from. Therapy wasn't a skill he was proficient in, but even still, he despised how utterly worthless he was when it came to helping others heal from their scars.
Stuffy can't move on. I don't think anyone who experienced what he did with Prance could...

Letting out a sigh, he turned to his friends. The plan brewing in his mind wasn't as thorough as he'd like and frankly, he wasn't even sure if it could carry them through the night but it was all he could come up with in such a short amount of time. Their objective was simple: capture Evie and present her to the human.

And ignoring the way his mind screamed at him for his traitorous ways, he couldn't afford distractions at the moment, not when his citizens and friends were in danger. He grimaced, hoping that Evie would find it in her to forgive them one day.
Rower really doesn't have much choice here. I don't blame him.

He relayed his plan of actions, biting down the urge to flinch at the two’s gazes. Sil was obviously the most reluctant, Evie was practically her role model with how she admired the vixen’s strength. Perry was silent but agreeing.

Rower took much care to not show the concern on his face.

They had to capture her. That was a simple objective.

But beating her was another story and one he wasn't sure they could find the ending to.
Evie does seem pretty capable, certainly.

Lets see where we wind up this time...

Breathe in. Breathe out. Flex your Aura and remove any unnecessary distractions.

She needed to be calm. Calm. Calm. Calm…

The emotions in her convulsed, escaping her feeble attempts at silencing them and striking back with a vicious whip. Evie flinched and let out a quiet groan. Why wasn't it working? Why wouldn't her mind listen to her? She never had any problems reining them in before. Why was it only recently did she have trouble keeping them down?
Back to Evie in the present I assume? Aura huh? I bet June is the problem somehow.

There in her moment of weakness, like the wicked burst of flames, it struck.

… ar-are you sure you're fine? Li-like this, I mean. Disregarding your own worth, basing yourself on someone else's happiness. That just… that just doesn't sound healthy…

She held back a gasp, eyes shut tightly as she shook her head. Those words continued to echo in her mind, fading into a quiet obscurity but never quite leaving her head. The torches nearby mocked her as the unfamiliar familiarity of his distorted Auta trickled into her senses.
"Auta" I'm pretty sure should be "Aura".

He has no right! She growled, tearing herself away from her thoughts. How dare he talk about her as if he knew her… he knew nothing… nothing…

So then, why did her chest feel lighter hearing them?
Aww! Is June getting through to Evie? :veelove:

Let us hope!

Again already? :copyka:

The air grew raspy, a pressure not unlike Evie’s first real confrontation with them bore down on her shoulders. But gone was the weak little girl that could barely stand up to her superiors, Evie glared harder as a loud silence wrapped around them. Everything came to a standstill, a stalemate.
Showdown with the birds?

Drip. Drip. Drip. Her ears twitched. Like a clock ticking down. Water from a stalactite elsewhere dripped down, splashing onto a puddle she couldn't quite see from her position.
Oh I like this description here! I seriously feel like I am standing behind Evie in the cave with her now as she concentrates.

And it continued to…

Drip.

Drip.

Drip…

Winds kicked up. Her senses pinged something long before her body did and her reflexes went to work, leaping over the attack before she even noticed it. The floor where she stood exploded into dust and debris, the force of the attack lodging pebbles into her fur.
Niiice! You are on a roll here so far with the writing!

She blinked furiously, the prickling in her eyes made her fail to notice it before it was too late.

Pain. The burning, searing sensation of a familiar coursed through her body. Blood smeared across her fur and she bit back a cry, eyes trailing the rock that grazed her. Her ears perked up. But her mind was elsewhere.
"The burning, searing sensation of a familiar coursed through her body."

What is going on with this line? 'sensation of a familiar'? I don't think she is talking about the feeling of a small magical wizard's pet from dungeons and dragons shrinking down into the size of a blood cell and coursing through her body, (If that WAS it, you do you I guess...) so I can only assume you meant to word it more like this:

"The burning, searing familiar sensation coursed through her body."
Uh oh, looks like she is distracted in a fight. That is a BAD omen! :copyka:

They were attacking her. Why? Why would they–
Honestly its a fair question considering their otherwise amicable relationship.

Her vision swarmed with blue and agony sent her chest ablaze. With little resistance, her body was flung through the air, the harsh winds accelerating, throwing her even further until she crashed head-first into the rocky walls.
That sounds quite painful... 😬

The rocks broke and fragmented, cutting into her flesh as she fell onto the ground like a lifeless puppet, blood leaking from her ears. She laid there for a second, for two and they did not hold back, firing a series of razor-sharp winds and rocks at her fallen form.

When the dust settled, all she saw was red.
Doesn't sound like Evie is going to be winning this one...

The adrenaline spiked her anger and all signs of pain and exhaustion disappeared in the time it took for her heart to beat. The muscles in her legs tensed and she vanished, reappearing on the other side of the cave in an instant, an imperceptible streak of white trailing behind her. Evie propped herself against a nearby rocky spire and jumped.
Confirmed pokemon have adrenaline. At least for this reality in the fic. I feel like this could have been substituted for a held item that activates at low health or an ability that activates at low health though. Just a thought.

She still has some fight! Lets see how it goes...

The single action allowed her to traverse the sky with ease and Perry let out a startled squawk at her sudden appearance. Her fangs were exposed, violence and anger quivered in her eyes and static danced around her figure. A loud sound akin to metal swords clanging and clashing against each other escaped her mouth as the static all converged into a single location.

Then like a switch being flipped, she gasped and the attack flickered out of existence. What was she doing? That was too much power. She bit her tongue, twisting her body in the air and smacking him with her tail.
Aww... holding back even now. I do like Evie. :eyes:

Unfortunately, Sil flew in between them and was ready to parry the blow away. Perry flew away to safety, the winds starting back up and harsher than ever. Evie clicked her tongue. "Why are you–" She never finished her question as she was forced into blocking the follow-up attack from Rower.

She clicked her tongue in annoyance and with a graceful display of agility, caught herself before she could fall splat onto the ground. Not letting up her offence, a ring of stars surrounded her, moving so fast they looked more like yellow blurs instead. They fired off and honed in on her assailants as she ran, avoiding dozens of attacks by the skin of her teeth.
I like how she is trying to ask them what is happening as they fight.

Also, offense is spelled wrong. You have it as 'offence'.

Dust and stone followed her trail, with each subsequent attack getting closer and closer. Evie took in a breath and exhaled slowly but that did little to quell her slowly growing anger.

Winds kicked up, and Evie's ears twitched, perking up at the sudden change in the atmosphere. She jumped, leaping over a rush of sharpened winds that tore into the ground.

Fragments of rock flew into the air, lodging themselves into her fur as another ping of Aura entered her range. Without blinking, she ducked under a Steel Wing and snarled, clawing at the Swellow who barely dodged the swing.
Looks like you know how to write mon battles! Very nice!

Evie inhaled sharply, her foreleg trembling when she realised what she'd almost done. Pain soon followed that moment of mercy as something tore through her side, splattering blood all over the ground.
should be 'realized'.

I still don't want to see Evie lose this though. Comeon Evie!

She bit back a cry just in time to notice a white streak escaping her sight. Her fluttering mane was making it all the harder to see as dust clouded the rocky field. Panting as blood oozed from the wound in her thigh and the various injuries around her body, her muzzle narrowed into a snarl. Alright. She had enough. She didn't understand why they were attacking her but if they weren't going to listen to her then so be it.

Her ear twitched and once again, a ping of Aura followed and she leapt backward, priming a green ball of energy and firing it off before Sil could react. The attack detonated in mid-air as she was forced to concentrate on another arriving foe, leaping to the side, she dodged a beak aimed at her before twisting on her heel and stomping the ground, dislodging a small ball of mud at the Fearow. That distracted him long enough for her to follow up. Her teeth shone with dark energy and she rushed him, intending to take the bigger threat out first.
Go Evie!
1748033515344.gif

However, a change in the wind made her abandon her attack. She halted all of her momentum, a sharp stone barely nicking her cheek when she stumbled back.

A growl escaped through gritted teeth as her eyes locked in on the Pidgeot flying far and high above. She ducked beneath a sharp gust of wind and crushed the ground below before retaliating with her hind legs, sending the broken basalt into the sky and covering her escape.

Her wounds were slowing her down but without the moon and with how aggressive they were, she couldn't spare the energy to heal what were ultimately superficial. They had been smart to cage her in here where the limited space made it all the harder to move around. Sure they would theoretically have the same problem as her but flight allowed them to manoeuvre in ways she could never hope to achieve.
should be "maneuver"

For an Eevee, she is pretty super powerful to be dealing with multiple Pokemon including a Fearow and a Pidgeot. And not just any Pidgeot either, this is Stuffy we are talking about!

I like the way you explained how the birds are using this place as a trap to gain an advantage.

A shower of rocks snapped her back to reality and she countered with a heavy sweep of her tail. Unfortunately, it seemed like she miscalculated just how fast they were as her attack left her open to the Drill Peck that tore through her chest. “Fuck!” she cried out but forced herself to fight through the pain as she opened her jaw, dark energy resurfacing to her teeth as she bit down on the Fearow’s wing.
Yikes this is getting bad! (narratively. in terms of writing its a big thumbs up!)
Rower grunted in pain but didn't let up, his attack pushing deeper and deeper into her flesh.

Evie sank her teeth deeper and doubled down, swinging her head back and forth furiously and trying to tear the limb off its socket. A blow from the back knocked her away but not before a satisfying crunch met her ears and she saw the Fearow nearly crash straight onto the ground. Sure, she’d sustained some damage but she dealt a serious blow to their–

Rower’s body became enshrouded in a cloak of feathers and light.
Ah, he must have used roost.

I like how you don't state the attacks and simply describe them. It makes the battles flow smoother.

Fuck! When did he learn that? She leapt into action but was met with an oncoming flaming projectile that delayed her approach. Growling at the distraction, she evaded Sil with a display of agility, only getting her paws nicked as she launched a green ball of energy at Rower, disrupting him from fully healing. But she was too late and Rower took to the air once more, albeit a lot slower than before. This was getting irritat– No! She was infuriated! How dare they attack her! After taki–kidnapping her sister! She glanced back at Sil before flicking a nearby rock into the air with her tail and destroying the approaching stony projectile into a mist of dust, her eyes still locked on the Swellow that now had her beak opened.

Dread crept into her senses as she knew what was to come, Evie had to do something and quick before–

A screech pierced through her thoughts, the sheer force of the booming sound threatening to throw her off her feet. Her ears planted firmly against her skull but that did little to mitigate the agony her head was going through. She struggled to stay tall on her paws but she could bear through it, she had experienced far worse than this.
Evie is incredible to be able to fight against all this! :eyes:

The explosive sound suddenly cut off and Evie leapt out of the three-metre crater that now stood in the middle of the field, her blurry vision catching sight of the Swellow who seemed distracted. She caught Sil saying something but she couldn't quite hear what was said with the ringing in her ears. At the very least, it seemed like they were letting up on their attacks and thus, allowing her to breathe a little before the fight began once more. The tension in the air was still there, though strangely feeling even more oppressive and suffocating than before. She didn't dwell on that any longer, she had to use the time provided to recover and–
Should be "meter" not "metre".

Evie flinched as a raging inferno washed over her senses. The amount of anger and hatred that reached into her uncontested, shook her, merging in with her exhaustion. She let out a hiss, glaring hateful daggers at the Swellow before her. And yet, as sudden as it may be, she knew these emotions didn't fully belong to her.
What is happening here. There is fire but where is it coming from. Emotions that don't belong to her?

No, the vengeful wrath belonged to Sil.
Is Sil using an attack that is going over my head? Is Sil using swagger on Evie or something?

Sil turned and Evie followed suit, just in time to see two feline children running away from a screaming… Charmander.
Ok so June is screaming and chasing two small Pokemon cats.

Time crawled to a stop. Every fibre of her being ached with a fire that she’d always welcome and her mind was elsewhere. A flaming bird-shaped projectile soared through the sky, the blue flames tinted with streaks of white as it barrelled down and straight toward–

Without a second thought, her body moved.

And her world became cloaked with flames that were once an ally.
Should be "fiber" not "fibre"

What is the flaming bird shaped projectile and where did it come from. Is it a fire blast from Charmander? Is it a sky attack from Stuffy?

I have no clue what is currently happening. Its possible it's my fault that I don't know, but I'm not sure!

Maybe things will be explained now? :copyka:

If he had only one word to describe the battle before him, it would be intense. The difference between watching something like this on video or TV was immense.
Ah, this must be June. Shed some light on what's happening would you buddy?

Even this far, he could physically feel the strength and speed behind each attack. The level of savagery as their attacks ravaged the land, cutting large gashes into the field, slicing any obstacles in their way like they were paper mache. It was insane.

And that wasn't mentioning how Evie was capable of handling herself in a one-on-three. The way she moved, untethered by the various wounds on her body, the strength behind her attacks, where the world seemed to shake and cave under their power, and the sheer baffling speed his reptilian eyes couldn't even perceive. It was incredible! God, he wished his brothers were here to see… this…
I enjoy seeing June's perspective on the fight too. Adds more weight to it.

Oh… right…

… he’d done it again…

What was he doing wasting his time around here? Standing around and gushing about someone he'd insulted and hurt? Why wasn't he living up to his word and helping her or looking for his brothers? Was he really that simple-minded that he'd immediately latch onto the closest distraction and ignore everything around him?
Good to see June trying to grow and is taking steps to change that.

Given what is happening right now though... he really doesn't seem to be helping much. I don't fault him though. Trying to intervene in that battle would be pretty terrifying.

His eyes lingered on the battle playing out before he tore them away, gritting his teeth and glaring at his clenched fists. What was the point of being a damn Pokémon if he couldn't do anything and stand around like a worthless chump? Maybe he should just leave and look for his brothers. It wasn't like Evie needed him. He would just be in the way.
An understandable inner struggle.

June sighed. Why was he thinking like this? Was he really thinking of running away instead of keeping his damn promise? Was he that much of a coward? His arms shook as he took a step back, his tail flame flaring and–

His body froze and the last of his breaths faded into a colourless mist. His arms and legs felt stiff, staying locked against his sides and feeling like he was in a wad of putty. White seeped into the corners of his vision, the cavernous walls breaking down as black spots swam in the air.
should be "colorless" not "colourless"

What is going on now?? :eyes:

He shut his eyes, biting down on his lip. He didn't want to be here. Not again. Not again! What did he do wrong? Why was he here again? Why couldn't he leave? Why couldn't he move? He was scared. He didn't want to see that orb again. He didn't want to feel like that again. Never again.

But the void didn't listen as it forcibly opened his eyes, keeping them locked tight on the darkness that surrounded him. There it was. He could see it again.

Its writhing, twisted form of distorted reality, begging, screaming at him to grasp it, to utilise it to its fullest potential. Its soothing, ethereal, calming voice allured his being, his essence, his very soul, tempting him, whispering soft, delectable words into his mind. About how he was specially chosen to fulfil its wishes, about how he was the only one capable of doing this, about what he could do with its power.
Should be "utilize" not "utilise"

Should be "fulfill" not "fulfil"

Weird stuff is happening. :copyka:

Yes, he has to grasp it, grab it in his hands and–

"No!" June screamed, tearing his arm away from the orb and out of the endless realm. "I'm done with this! No one's going to force me into doing anything! Not a magical force, not a magical clone, not anyone! I'll finish what I've started and I'm through with hiding and running! I'm going to–to…"

In his heightened state of determination, he had initially failed to notice two newcomers, two Pokémon who were currently staring at him with wide, terrified eyes.

He stared at them for an awkward second that felt like a millennium and he raised an arm, waving at them with a nervous grin in an attempt to diffuse the situation. "Uh, hi there?"

They, in response to his friendly gesture, cried out bloody murder and ran.
Why are they running? I assume I am about to find out...

And he, without even a second of consideration, made his decision in the form of chasing them down and shouting at them, attempting to dissuade whatever false image they had of his breakthrough.

They did not listen.

And as he made his way onto the battlefield, ignoring the alarms ringing in his head, he missed the raging inferno of vengeance and hatred barreling towards him.

"Fire-type!"

The blood curdling shriek and the whistling in the air were the last thing he heard before the world became dark.
OK so they are afraid because he is a fire type. I assume they have trauma associated with the tyrant that was defeated.

Raging inferno, is he talking about Evie? A bird? I'm so lost...

Summary:
This chapter is mostly about Evie's epic battle with the birds and lots of stuff involving June is confusing.

My line by line went over the parts that were confusing to me.

I loved reading Evie's thoughts on things and reading how the battle was unfolding.

I hope at least some of the confusion gets resolved in the next chapter!
 
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ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. froslass
  2. zorua-gojira
  3. salandit-shiny
  4. goomy
Hi, thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed it.

What is going on with this line? 'sensation of a familiar'? I don't think she is talking about the feeling of a small magical wizard's pet from dungeons and dragons shrinking down into the size of a blood cell and coursing through her body, (If that WAS it, you do you I guess...) so I can only assume you meant to word it more like this:
Yeah I can see how it can be confusing but to clarify, this is talking about pain. It's something that she's been quite literally carrying and feeling for most of her life so pain is a 'familiar' to her. I might add a word or two to clarify this bit a little so thanks for telling me.
Confirmed pokemon have adrenaline. At least for this reality in the fic. I feel like this could have been substituted for a held item that activates at low health or an ability that activates at low health though. Just a thought.
Funny enough, there already is an adrenaline item. It's called an Adrenaline Orb, it gives you a +1 to speed when you get intimidated.
What is happening here. There is fire but where is it coming from. Emotions that don't belong to her?
Aura ain't the only thing Evie can sense and I'm not super sure if I brought it up in earlier chapters or at least made it blatant but Evie can sense emotions, that's what this is supposed to be.
What is the flaming bird shaped projectile and where did it come from. Is it a fire blast from Charmander? Is it a sky attack from Stuffy?
Sil's using Brave Bird here.
OK so they are afraid because he is a fire type. I assume they have trauma associated with the tyrant that was defeated.
Yup, tons of trauma as mentioned when Evie first met June, she said the inhabitants here wouldn't hesitate to kill him or run from him.
Raging inferno, is he talking about Evie? A bird? I'm so lost...
Things are basically running concurrently with Evie's POV so... super speedy super angrily Sil with Brave Bird coming in to paste him into the ground.
Should be "meter" not "metre".
So uh, while I appreciate calling out the British, I'm gonna be using British spelling of things for the rest of the fic. So If you can, you should point out if I accidentally made them American instead
This chapter is mostly about Evie's epic battle with the birds and lots of stuff involving June is confusing.
Yeah, this chapter's a decent bunch shorter than the rest and it's pretty fast paced because of the fight. It was originally supposed to be a lot longer but I kinda split it up and decided that ending on a cliffhanger would be better 'cause I wanna focus on where Ane and Quil are currently at for the next couple chapters.
 

133TFR33k

Creator of the Doduo Alliance
Partners
  1. doduo
Hi, thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed it.
Indeed I did!

Yeah I can see how it can be confusing but to clarify, this is talking about pain. It's something that she's been quite literally carrying and feeling for most of her life so pain is a 'familiar' to her. I might add a word or two to clarify this bit a little so thanks for telling me.
Basically the wording is bad here. As in you made a mistake in the way you worded it that makes it make no sense. Its like you forgot a word or ordered the words wrong or something. If you read it slowly and carefully, you should be able to see exactly what I am talking about.

Now regarding what you explained with Evie and pain, that is an interesting tidbit! If you were not already trying to do so, you could explain that in this line so readers can get the first glimpse of that (unless you said it in a previous chapter and I totally forgot. If so, I apologize.)

Funny enough, there already is an adrenaline item. It's called an Adrenaline Orb, it gives you a +1 to speed when you get intimidated.
That IS pretty funny, actually :mewlulz:

Aura ain't the only thing Evie can sense and I'm not super sure if I brought it up in earlier chapters or at least made it blatant but Evie can sense emotions, that's what this is supposed to be.
Outside of the context of a battle, I don't think I would have figured that out.

INSIDE the context of a battle there was NO hope of it!

Seriously, we have June's weird visions, auras, a Pokemon battle involving several combatants, Crude is potentially around somewhere too and can do all kinds of reality-warping acid-trippy things, and Evie is sensing emotions in ways that make me think she is being attacked by a fire attack? :copyka:

If you did bring it up in previous chapters it went straight over my head. I won't pretend I am a master at picking up on what is happening though.

Explanation is certainly appreciated though!

Sil's using Brave Bird here.
This is potentially something that many readers would not need clarification on. Thanks for pointing it out for me.

Yup, tons of trauma as mentioned when Evie first met June, she said the inhabitants here wouldn't hesitate to kill him or run from him.
Ah yes. I do remember her saying something like that now.

Things are basically running concurrently with Evie's POV so... super speedy super angrily Sil with Brave Bird coming in to paste him into the ground.
Sil is attacking June? I thought Sil was attacking Evie. I thought Evie was attacking June to save the cat Pokemon running from him.

No wonder I was confused lol...

So uh, while I appreciate calling out the British, I'm gonna be using British spelling of things for the rest of the fic. So If you can, you should point out if I accidentally made them American instead
So... I WOULD do that for you, but I can't.

British spelling looks wrong to me and American looks correct to me. I realize that each are correct for their respective cultures, but American spelling is WAY too ingrained in my mind.

I'm also not even AWARE of all the differences between American and British spelling!

I also can't tell in MANY cases if a word is spelled wrong or if its spelled correctly in British.

The result is I'm probably going to occasionally point out spelling errors when it is actually just spelled British.

I think I point out more useful spelling errors than not useful ones though for what that is worth though?

Alternatively, I can just ignore all spelling errors if that makes you happier. Up to you.

Yeah, this chapter's a decent bunch shorter than the rest and it's pretty fast paced because of the fight. It was originally supposed to be a lot longer but I kinda split it up and decided that ending on a cliffhanger would be better 'cause I wanna focus on where Ane and Quil are currently at for the next couple chapters.
I think that is a good narrative choice. Ane and Quil have been ignored for a long time now, so it will certainly be good to see what's going on in their neck of the woods.
 
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