Pokémon Just a Normal Day

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, was kinda cutting things a bit close, but I’m here for that Catnip review I got assigned, which was as good an opportunity as any to dive back into June and his misadventures as a talking Charmander:

Chapter 2

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Honestly, June had no clue what he was expecting to see. If someone were to ask him what came to his mind when he thought of Professor Oak and his lab, he’d likely say the three Kanto starters, maybe some Sci-fi-esque tech or whatever sciency stuff that were bound to be around.

Well, believe him when he said that none of those fit what he was seeing... except for maybe the starters bit. The interior of the house left much to be desired. Sure it was homey and comfortable and gave off a safe vibe. But it was pretty boring and dry, what with the plain white wallpaper, the tiled floors, and generally how normal it felt. There was an ugly green couch in the middle of the room, along with a coffee table in front of it and a sofa to the side, there was also a flatscreen TV on the wall, some shelves lined up on one side, a potted plant at the corner and–God, it was so plain. Why couldn't there have been at least one futuristic machine sitting in the corner?

I mean, that does sound very Kanto, just saying. If we were going full anime, I wouldn’t have expected flatscreens, though. I do think that the parenthetical narration works better integrated into the surroundings more directly, though.

Whatever. He wasn't going to complain if it kept his flame from getting wet. Ah, wasn't that an experience he wished he could forget. The little bite-sized prickling that came with each droplet, the constant mind numbing sensation that spread across his whole body, it was like having a trillion cuts all over and then dipping himself in a bath of soy sauce. And it just… just…

He shivered. Point was, he would rather not endure something like that again especially when he considered the fact that his tail flame had only gotten soaked a teeny bit. He couldn't imagine how painful it could be if he submerged the whole thing.

That’s… actually going to happen at some point in this story, isn’t it? Though I feel the stuff up to the ellipses and the stuff afterwards are two distinct thoughts and probably worth rendering in their own paragraphs.

A nudge from a paw snapped him out of his trance and he noticed a towel being handed to him by a yellow furry arm. Muttering a "Thanks." to his brother and drying himself, he hopped onto the couch beside him.

June saw the two, likewise drying themselves, and Professor Oak eying them with a curious look. Clearing his throat, he pointed at the man with a claw, bowing and saying, speaking up:

"Thank you for your kind hospitality, Professor. We're sorry for the inconvenience our presence has caused."

Small formatting nitpick here.

Ane: “... Wait, he can understand what we’re saying right now, yes?” ^^;

Oak smiled, waving a dismissive hand. "Oh, it's no trouble at all. I couldn't just very well leave you three out there, now could I?"

June nodded. [ ]

"The name's… June and these are my brothers, Ane and Quil. It's nice to officially meet you," he said, then added a few moments later. "Oh and by the way, I'm a guy."

His name was rather feminine so a little clarification would help out a long way, in case this Oak was anything like the games.

I think your second paragraph here works better hacked up and expanded a bit with more of June’s thought process. Though it really is funny how the presence or lack of an ‘e’ shifts the initial read of the vibe of June’s name so much, since Jun is definitely a name that’s associated with boys, if a bit “foreign” to the average Anglophone.

[ ]

"It's a pleasure meeting you three, June, Ane, and Quil." He greeted each of them with a nod before returning his full attention to the Charmander. "May I ask what brings you to my lab? You said you have something you want to discuss?"

I probably won’t explicitly point such moments out in every block from here on out (so if you see braces like this, you know what I’m getting at), but I think this is a spot where it’d have been worth showing off a bit more of Oak’s reaction.

June: “Uh… well… maybe bring us up to speed a bit with where the heck are we right now anyways?” ^^;

[ ]

Well, here comes the moment of truth.

"Have you ever entertained the idea of the Multiverse Theory?"

A brief spark of recognition appeared in the professor's eye and he nodded, gesturing for June to go on.

"Well, hypothetically, what would you say or do if someone got transported here from another universe?”

The professor’s brows furrowed and his lips creased into a neutral expression.

“And how would you react if said person came from a universe with no Pokémon, and instead their knowledge of the Pokémon world comes from video games, shows, and comics."

That garnered a bigger reaction from the old man, his mouth hung open loosely, staring at June with a dumbfounded expression.

"Are you…"

Your middle paragraph here feels like it should be decomposed into smaller ones. It doesn’t necessarily need to be broken up into this many smaller ones, but the singular paragraph it is right now definitely feels a bit too idea/event-dense at the moment.

"Yes." June nodded, a grin stretching across his face. "We are that someone! And we would love it if you could help us get back home!"

He could almost feel Ane rolling his eyes at his dramatic flair.

No note of how Oak’s reacting to all of this right now?

June: “So… you can help us, right?” ^^;

Taking a sip from his glass of water, June watched as the expression on Oak's face flowed from contemplating to intrigue. "That is… quite a peculiar situation."

After his June’s little melodramatic statement, Oak had left, saying he needed a moment to process everything. After about a minute or two, he came back, with glasses full of water. Even though June didn't feel particularly parched, he still appreciated it.

“His” is vague here since it can apply to June or any of his brothers.

Then the man sat down, hands rubbing his chin as he hummed out in thought. "Am I safe to assume that you three aren't trying to pull a silly prank on me?" he said, giving June an intense look that made him feel more than a little discomfort.

Small typo there.

He wasn't sure why he was feeling like that — he had nothing to hide, after all — so he merely nodded. "Yeah, we woke up a few hours ago in Route 1 in these bodies and we kinda freaked out a bit–"

"You freaked out and by a lot," Ane unhelpfully provided.

"–I kinda freaked out a bit. " He threw a glare at the Pikachu before returning his attention to the professor. "Then we almost stumbled into Ash Ketchum before we had to run from the rain."

I feel like the underlined would’ve worked better coming before June’s dialogue and potentially expanded a bit.

Professor Oak: “I’m sorry, and how do you just know the name of one of the kids who came by my lab the other day if you’re from another universe?”

June: “It’s… a really long story, but the long and short of it is that we just know him. Or at least another version of him.” ^^;

"I see," Professor Oak mumbled, brows furrowing as he played with the end of his coat. "Alright," he said, standing up. "While I don't fully trust you three based on your claims. Frankly, I can't imagine a world without Pokémon. But as a case like yours isn't truly unheard of–"

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNHooTszyW4


Wait, wait, what?

Wait, what? June blinked. This universe had other isekai-ees before? He… he hadn't expected that. What?

"What… what do you mean by that?"

Ah yes, June just being the audience surrogate there, I see.

That got Professor Oak to pause, his eyes locking onto the Charmander who flinched slightly at the sudden attention. It took the combined effort of his will and the fact that Professor Oak didn't seem like he was looking directly at him, to not squirm under the man's gaze.

Thankfully though, before it got too uncomfortable, Oak broke away, hands resting on his sides.

"While it isn't common, there have been cases where people and Pokémon from other worlds were stranded in ours."

Ah yes, the wonder of Fallers. Though wait, when is this set in PokéAni assuming the answer isn’t just “it’s an AU”? Since if Oak knows about this, doesn’t this imply that we’re sometime around the events of the SM seasons?

"Really? So we're not just some one-off special?"

He tried to hide the disappointment from his tone with a grin which, fortunately, Oak didn't notice.

The professor rubbed his chin. "Well I wouldn't say that," he said. "We never had any cases where the person who crossed over had subsequently turned into Pokémon. I might say you three are the very first recorded case we've had where we actually have an explanation for your Poké-fication!"

Again, Fallers, June. Though I suppose that’s a sign that you fell off the franchise sometime before the mid-2010s given how you’re not putting two and two together right now.

Poké-ficarion? Were people turning into Pokemon really that commonplace where there was even a term for it? It would explain why Oak didn't freak out when they met him. He opened his mouth to question that exact topic but was beaten to the punch by his groaning brother.

I mean, even the Pokédex fluff implies that this isn’t a totally unknown phenomena considering that one Emerald entry for Kadabra, just saying, June.

[ ]

"Hey, as much as I 'adore' this history lesson. Can we please get to the point?"

Damn it, Ane! He was getting invested in this world's lore! Why did you have to go and ruin everything?

Another spot where I feel like it’d probably have been worth showing a bit more of the characters’ reactions here would’ve been worthwhile, especially of the sense that June is getting particularly engrossed with this explanation here before Ane cuts him off.

With a hint of redness on his cheeks, Oak rubbed the back of his head, "Right, sorry." Clearing his throat, he faced them with a more serious look. "If I may ask, would you three be fine if I conduct some tests to verify your claims?"

June:

“Wait, you have tests for this sort of thing? I thought that you said that this had never happened before!”

Now it came down to this. This decision, his decision might change how things would look out for them. And all he had to do was say a word. Say the word that would forever change the future… hah, as if this whole bit was anything as dramatic as he was making it out to be. Besides, he had nothing to worry about. They weren't lying so the answer was obvious.

Locking in his answer, he opened his mouth, ready to give in and–

His body froze.

June: “Wait, wait, what? Why? Isn’t it just simply saying ‘yes’ here?”

The world around him faded into a realm of dark and white. It was quiet, unnervingly so, he could hear the sound of his blood flowing in his veins, the sound of his scales clinking together as he moved and the sound of his heart beating erratically. Spots of black littered his vision as his eyes darted around. His body refused to obey him. His mind went through several scenarios, working overtime as he tried to come up with something.

Oh. Well. That’s totally normal and not ominous at all there. /s

What was going on? What was happening? Why couldn't he move? Where was everyone? Why was he in a void devoid of colors? What was going on? What was going on? What was going on?

[ ] Help him. Somebody help him. This wasn't fun anymore. He was scared. Frozen. He wanted to leave. Leave leave leave leave leave leave.

Get him out of this hellscape!

Help him!

Help–

I feel like something about June’s thought process here winds up skipping a step. Probably because we don’t really get a good look of this “hellscape” before he’s in full “get me out, get me out” mode.

I’m also not really feeling the “Help him” phrasing, but I’m admittedly tripping up over how I’d suggest making it work in third person narration. Maybe “Help me!” framed as Jun’s direct thoughts?

The spots around him began to move. Like planets converging on a doomed path to their parent star's corpse.

They mixed. They merged. They reacted. Becoming one. Becoming a single orb that warped the very fabric of reality.

And this orb looks like…?

Dark and writhing. It shook him to his very core. He wanted to turn. He wanted to look away. He had to run.

But his body didn't obey, his body never obeyed.

He was stuck, rooted to the void like an added accessory.

Jun: “Wh-What the hell even is this?! I didn’t remember dark eldritch blob… things ever being a part of the anime!”

And yet, despite his situation. Despite the orb of everlasting consumption. Despite the dread that threatened to consume his realm.

He wasn't afraid.

His mind was numb. His emotions muted. Silenced by an intense drive.

A drive that wanted to satisfy his curiosity.

I… kinda feel like these should’ve been shown off more by June’s actual thought process, since this feels a bit ‘informed attribute’ at the moment.

Reaching an arm forward, he moved.

And the world obeyed.

His face distorted into a frantic grin. He needed to grab it! He needed to have it! That orb! That feeling of familiarity!

Of pain. Of pleasure. Of power. Of change. Of weakness. Of control.

He had to take it.

He had to spread it.

Ditto in this section here, especially since June’s thought process is having a big change going from apprehension to embracing… whatever it is that’s happening here and I’m not sure if there’s much of a transition going on.

Though, uh… June, you doing alright there, buddy? .-.

He had to–

Then his realm, his Sol's realm collapsed.

And he was back.

Is that supposed to be “his soul’s” realm? Since I’m not really sure why we’re talking about suns here otherwise, or else what a “Sol” means in the context of this story.

Back in the lab, back to answering the professor's question.

He gasped, ignoring the alerted alarmed looks from his brothers and the professor. His eyes darted around, taking in the world one step at a time. Nobody knew.

… nobody knew…

June: “I mean, in my defense, would anyone really even believe me if I told them about what on earth just happened?” .-.

The professor held a concerned look, Ane a worried glance and Quil a look of surprise, they seemed to be saying something but June wasn't in the right state to listen.

What should he do? Should he tell someone? Would they even believe him? His brothers would likely think he was joking and the professor was an unknown. What could he do? What should–

He should hide it. It wasn't like anyone would believe him anyway. Yes, there wasn't anything wrong with not telling them right now. He could tell them later.

Since, yeah. I can already tell that this is going to wind up heavily coming back and biting June in his now-scaly bum in the future.

So for now, he put the experience to the back of his mind and forced a grin onto his face.

"We'll be fine."

"Age?"

[ ]

"Fifteen. Turning sixteen in a few months," June said, watching as the professor jotted it down on his clipboard.

Next was Ane. "Fourteen," he said with a dull look in his eyes.

And another down for his report.

I think that it probably would’ve made sense to provide a bit more environmental description than this for establishing where June and the bros are, especially if it’s someplace else within Oak’s lab that’s different from what we’ve seen so far.

Quil stood still, eyes darting to the ground and to his brothers for a moment before saying, "I'm… ten."

Well that’s quite the age gap there.

After the… incident with that void of dark and white, the professor brought them to his actual lab. Filled with doohickeys and futuristic thingamabobs everywhere! There was an unknown machine there, an unknown machine here. Sure he had to stumble over or around random metal bits and devices on the floor but he was too awestruck by actual flipping solid holograms to even care about how messy Professor Oak's lab was.

Oh, well there’s our environmental description there. I do wonder if this should’ve been pulled forward a bit earlier into the scene than where it is here.

June had imagined the test would use one of the machines around them and he was correct! Though when Professor Oak revealed the machine that would help them confirm their claims, it was — oh, how would he put it nicely? — disappointing. Its design was rather simple. And by simple, he meant it was literally just a remote. Sure it had a little screen, with an antenna sticking out, and far too few buttons but that didn't mean it was futuristically cool!

June: “How on earth is this thing even working? If this is a polygraph machine, shouldn’t there at least be a band that we put around an arm or something?”

… okay maybe the body-wide beam of yellow light scanning them was pretty cool. But that only let it make it to the 'meh' scale of his coolness meter.

Anyway, where was he? Oh right, the test.

Oh, well then. That was a fast answer. Though wait, what on earth does this thing even used for normally given how there’s (allegedly) no precedent for a transmogrified Faller like June and the bros?

The test itself went by pretty quickly. Oak had the aforementioned laser beam scan them and that was it. When June asked exactly what he was scanning them for, Oak replied with ‘Ultra Residue'.

It sounded a lot cooler than what it actually was. See, isekai-ed people, or Fallers as most people called them, had this ‘residue' on their bodies. Ultra Wormholes were rather unstable, they constantly leaked out energy that mixed into the very fabric of whatever universe they appeared in. So whenever something went in, this excess energy would cling onto them and since it had also mixed into the energies of the universe, it could also be used to track and enter wherever said person or object came from.

It was probably a lot more complex than that but that was the jist of it.

Oh well. That was again a fast answer. Though wait, just how many Fallers are there in this universe that they just straight-up have a machine that can detect “oh yeah, this guy’s from another universe” these days?

Anyway, after Oak did the scan of them, he plopped the remote into a computer and now, all they had to do was wait for the computer to finish its job, uploading and scanning the data. That was the part that was taking a while. June sighed. Figured that even with the Pokémon world being several decades ahead of them in technology, computer loading time still took ages to go through.

Yeah, the Pokémon world is kinda schizo tech like that. Hence how all the way back in Gen 1, we were seeing Porygon alongside CRTs everywhere.

So in the meantime, the professor thought it'd be great to do a few body checks of them. 'cause apparently, that was the standard procedure for newly Poké-fied people. He took samples of their blood, scales/fur, and whatever examinations you’d usually find at a clinic.

Boy, I sure hope that nobody from June and the family is afraid of needles there. ^^;

The results came back to them being the prime example of health. No, he was not exaggerating. Those were the exact words Professor Oak used to describe their health. He would say he was surprised but between the whole turning into Pokémon bit, gaining the ability to speak and read previously unlearned languages, and discovering that there were others like him, having perfect health was nowhere near as shocking when you compared them.

Wait, whose perspective is the narration written from again? Since if it’s a specific character’s perspective, I’m not sure if it’d make sense to refer to “them” versus “us” for if the narration is written from say, June’s perspective like the whole freaky grayscale world sequence was last scene.

Plus, they even received a snazzy bracelet for all their troubles. Oak said it was supposed to be their 'ID' for Poké-fied people. So, naturally, June picked orange since it blended in nicely with his scales. He mentally snickered to himself. It'd be so fun messing with people who thought he was a wild Pokémon, doubly so when he had nothing to worry about since Poké-fied people couldn't be caught. Orange was also his favorite color so he would've picked it regardless of whether or not he could trick someone with it.

Ah yes, I see that June has his priorities straight. Though wait, how frequently does Pokéfication even happen in-setting given that Oak has bracelets ready to just go and hand out for these sorts of things?

[ ]

"Full name?"

"June…"

And with that, the rest of the hour went by rather fast and by the end of it, they had their personal information recorded and ready to be used. According to Professor Oak, the FHS, short for Fallers Helpers Society, would need a few months before they could begin the search for their home and it would be ideal to create a sort-of temporary ID for them to do simple things like buying stuff and whatnot.

Kinda wonder if there should’ve been more of a transition into Oak speaking up again. Though just making a mental note that there are apparently a lot of Fallers that come into this world given that there’s an entire organization devoted to helping them out.

So they were staying here for a while. Ane didn't take it well and Quil was as silent as ever, still staring at empty space like it had all the answers to the universe. It was a bit unnerving...

He June, on the other hand, was fricking ecstatic. Like, they were going to be in the Pokémon world for an unquantifiable amount of time! If he played his cards right, he could potentially find a way to become a trainer and live every child's dream of becoming a Pokémon champion!

Yeah, maybe lower those expectations just a tiiiiny bit there, June.

… although he didn't know outright whether Poké-fied people could become trainers, he was willing to put his pessimistic thoughts aside to think of a few plans that could convince the professor.

I mean, if you catch yourself in a Pokéball and just keep it with you nearby, it should keep other trainers from catching you? ^^;

A nagging beeping noise rammed its way into his mind, knocking away his thoughts and snatching him back into reality. He blinked, wincing at the constant ringing in his head. Thankfully, Oak helped alleviate the pain by hopping onto the computer and silencing the notification.

For a second, I thought that June was zoning out again, but no, that’s just Oak having an annoying notification sound.

"Alright, let's see what we have…"

Oak muttered and not for the first time did once again, June hate cursed himself over how short his new body was. He really wanted to see the whole process, but unless he was willing to jump onto the table, he was not going to get a good look at the data otherwise.

Would suggest a reformatting and a rephrasing something along the lines of the above there.

Sighing, he turned to his brothers who each held a bored look on their faces. "Pretty sweet bracelet, eh?" June said, flashing and shaking the accessory.

"I guess..." Ane rolled his eyes. "Ugh, this is gonna take forever! "

"Hey, look on the bright side. We're living every Pokémon fan's dream here! I mean, sure we're not humans but at least we're in a world we know instead of a random fantasy place."

Ane merely groaned and slumped onto the armrest.

Ane: “Somehow, I don’t think it was every Pokémon fan’s dream to just sit around waiting on a computer.”

Welp, that didn't do anything. And he doubted he needed to cheer up Quil since… he was still staring off into the distance. Just what was he thinking about?

June shook his head, shrugging off the mystery and returning… huh, was it him or did Oak look a bit worried?

I feel like these two paragraphs could’ve used a bit more detail regarding what those expressions looked like, since things are admittedly rather “told” and not “shown” at the moment.

Oak sat there, staring at the screen and chewing on his lips. Then as if feeling June's gaze on him, he turned and straightened his face. "There appears to be a problem…"

A problem? June raised a brow. "What's up?"

Oak sighed at the puzzled look on June's face.

"Please take a step back." He pressed a few keys on his computer before a flat, translucent, blue screen appeared above their heads, flashing white for a moment before revealing a picture of them.

June: “Not that this isn’t fancy, but where is the problem again?” ^^;
Professor Oak: “I’m getting to it…”

Hm. He didn't see what the problem was. The pictures looked perfectly fine.

Then another picture took their place, this time depicting a young boy enshrouded in a cloud of blue dust and sparkles. Then another took its place, this time showing a Pokémon with a similar aura of blue dust and sparkles. Then another and another and…

Oh, he saw the problem now.

"We don't have Ultra Residue…" June trailed off, eyes widening as his mouth hung open loosely.

I think you should’ve been a bit more explicit about how the pictures of June and the bros don’t have those clouds around them or something, since I admittedly didn’t see the problem until June just says “oh, we don’t have Ultra Residue”, which wasn’t really apparent from the description.

"What? What the hell do you mean we don't have Ultra Resi-what's it!" Ane exclaimed, jumping off the chair and pointing an accusatory paw at the screen. "This has to be a mistake! We–it can't–"

Does it really make sense for Ane to freak out this much about this given that Ane likely doesn’t understand what the implications of them not having Ultra Residue on them means?

Ane's words faded into obscurity. His mind flooding with questions. What did this mean? Why didn't they have Ultra Residue? Professor Oak said that anything that had passed through Ultra Space would have it; objects, people, Pokémon. So why didn't they? Why didn't they have it? Why were they different? Did it have something to do with that white void he found himself in earlier?

The ‘his’ here is ambiguous again. I think you should explicitly mention ‘June’, since otherwise it’s readable as Ane’s mind flooding with questions.

Amidst the sea of questions, one constant question resurfaced and dwarfed them all.

Could they not go home?

Well, not easily or anytime soon, anyways.

A mixed torrent of emotions followed through, seeping into his systems and threatening to tear his mind apart at the constant back-and-forth. Unsettling questions crept into his mind, rocking him to his very core.

Unsettling questions such as…?

Did he want to go home? Of course, he did, what kind of silly question was that? Uncertainty filled his answer.

Did he want to stay? Of course not, that'd be silly no matter how fun it would be. Only a hint of truth covered his answer.

Why did he want to stay? He had no answer.

Why did he want to leave? He had no answer.

Oh, well. There’s the questions. Even if I kinda wonder if the “Uncertainty filled his answer” and “Only a hint of truth covered his answer” should’ve been articulated a bit more through June’s actual thought process since it feels a bit too “told” at the moment.

His brothers were here, he didn't have much, other than an obligation, to return home to. He had no friends – not anymore – and no other bonds with anyone else.

Wait, what obligation again? If this is something from the first chapter, it probably makes sense to more explicitly call back to it.

But was it right of him to rob his brothers of their rightful futures because he wanted to have fun? What about their dad? Would he be distressed at their sudden disappearance? And was he currently drowning in despair?

June swallowed thickly, gagging at the bitter taste in his mouth. He hated those thoughts. He needed to say something. Think of a plan. Force something to come out.

June: “... This isn’t going to take me back to that freaky mental void place again, is it?”

He bit his lip, the slight pain jolting him back and feeding him the confidence he needed. [ ]

"Professor, is it really that strange for a Faller to not have Ultra Residue? Isn't there some other method that could've brought us here? A Legendary? An unknown deity? Someone failing a magic spell? Please, Oak! We're not lying when we say we're from another world! We're not! I promise you! We're not…"

Please let this work. Please let his pitiful tone worm its way through the professor's old heart. He needed to give them Ane and Quil hope. He couldn't let them down. He couldn't. He couldn't.

I feel like we’re skipping a few steps here both in terms of June’s thought process and the characters’ reactions here that probably would’ve been worth showing off in a bit more detail.

"I believe you."

June blinked and he faced the professor with a puzzled stare. "Yo-you do?"

Ane kept quiet, stepping back and letting his brother take the lead.

Professor Oak nodded with a careful smile. "Only a heartless monster wouldn't believe you after that display," he said, shrugging. "This case has been getting weirder and weirder the longer I observed it, so it wouldn't be too out of the realm to believe a Legendary could be behind this."

Huh. He sure zeroed in on that explanation in particular fast. Wonder if he’s leaning on any past PokéAni event in particular to make him come to this conclusion.

Professor Oak was agreeing with him? The Professor Oak agreed with him?

Yes? Why is this such an alien concept right now, June?

But… but that didn't… why would he… why? Didn't he say he wouldn't believe them until they had the evidence to back them up? Did their desperation play that much of a role in convincing him?

I mean, he’s a Pokémon Professor and he’s seen a lot of stuff happen if Ash has been remotely forthcoming about his experiences while going around, so…

He didn't understand. He didn't really. But he was willing to let go and accept the explanation. They'd already convinced him. Now what? The FHS couldn't help them search for a way home without Ultra Residue, they were pretty much useless now… which meant the only option left was…

His eyes widened and he covered his mouth, muffling the sharp gasp escaping him.

"Say, professor. Would it be too crazy to ask if we could look for a way home?" June said before quickly elaborating upon noticing the professor's questioning gaze. "Without the Ultra Residue to trace back, the FHS can't really help us much in sending us home. So I was wondering if we could become trainers and look for the Legendary that sent us here ourselves."

I kinda wonder if there should’ve been a bit more hints before June spells things out that his big idea is for them to become trainers, since it feels like this idea is going very 0-100 at the moment without much of the actual wheels in June’s head turning being shown.

"Trainers? Hm… I'm not so sure–"

[ ]

“If you're worried about us, we have knowledge that can give us a headstart to any exams you throw at us," June pointed out.

[ ]

"Hey, what are you–" Quil in all his glory cut off Ane's protest before it could begin, once again showing his presence to the audience.

"Yeah, I can cook and if there’s anything else we need to know, we can just learn it from whatever’s available,” Quil said.

[ ]

"Yeah! We can–wait… what do you mean you can–" June started, turning to Quil but his brother ignored him to continue talking.

Some more spots where I think it’s worth showing the characters’ thought processes and reactions playing out a bit more than what you’re doing now, especially since Ane’s significantly less enthused than his bros right now.

"If you guys can send ten-year-olds out in the wilderness with nothing but a Pokémon and some survival equipment, then I'm sure… no I'm very sure that we can do it too, especially considering that we could potentially talk to other Pokémon.”

Actually… how come they didn’t run a test for whether June and his brothers could understand Pokémon? Since you’d think that would just be a matter of firing up some stock video of Pokémon and seeing if June and the others can pick out distinct phrases.

The silence was suffocating and he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was this really Quil? Were all those empty gazes secretly some form of thinking-increasing magic? And the craziest part was that Professor Oak was considering it! Quil had managed to convince him with fewer words than June ever could. What on Earth was going on here?

I’d say that you were overthinking it, June. But considering the whole freaky grayscale moment, perhaps you’re onto something here.

June took in a breath. He could feel the headache brewing…

Y'know what. Nope, he was not gonna question things anymore. It was obvious he wouldn't be getting any answers anytime soon. So from now on until further notice, he was not gonna question anything until something drastic happened.

That’s going to be quite a bit sooner than June is expecting, isn’t it?

With that mental promise set up, he turned back just in time to hear the professor sigh. [ ]

"If that is what you three really want then–"

[ ]

"H-hey! I didn't agree to this!" Ane shouted, fed up with being ignored and interrupted. "Why the hell are we doing this? We–”

Small typo there, and a couple spots where it would probably make sense to articulate the characters’ reactions a bit more than what you’re doing at the moment.

And June was going to put a stop to this before Ane ruined everything. He covered the Pikachu's mouth with a claw, glaring at him.

"Shut up. This is our best chance at getting home. If you want to go back home, we have to do this. We have to look for the Legendary that sent us here!" he whispered harshly, neglecting to mention that this supposed ‘Legendary’ wasn't even a guarantee either, what with the multiverse theory and all.

The Pikachu glared back, not backing down without a fight.

Sighing, his face softened. "Look, I don't like this either." That was a lie. "But it's either this or stay in this world forever. You have friends and whatnot back home, don't you?" Ane nodded. "And so do I and–hey don't look at me like that. I have friends."

Slightly miffed, he turned away with a huff before remembering the audience in front of him. He let out a sheepish chuckle, scratching his cheek.

"Uh, you were saying?"

I think that Ane’s last paragraph here works better as a couple smaller ones. The underlined part in this sequence also feels like it’s a bit too “told” and not “shown” at the moment. Like what is Ane doing that’s not backing down without a fight there? What does it look like?

The professor's face creased up with a worried look. [ ]

"You know, it's fine if you don't want–"

"No, no. We can do this. We can do this! We can… no need to worry about us. We'll be fine."

Famous last words there.

Happy grin. June. Happy grin. Give him your best smile.

June:

The professor didn't look entirely convinced but he didn't push any further. "If you're sure then… alright. Let's get you three ready for adventuring. Fortunately, we already have most of the paperwork done so this will be quick."

And with that, June did a mental victory dance. [ ]

I kinda feel like it would’ve been worth to see more of June’s thought process here. Like what exactly does he think is happening and what does he expect to happen from here?

"Remember to call me when you reach Viridian City," Oak said, watching as they leave with a smile.

When he first met the three, he was ecstatic of course. It wasn't everyday he'd met a Poké-fied person, and having three of them in his lab had him barely holding down his enthusiasm. He wanted to ask them so many questions: What was it like? How did it feel? Was their transition smooth? How did it even happen? And so much more.

I think the “he” should just be Professor Oak, since it was ambiguous until about halfway through this paragraph.

But that excited curiosity was excitement curbed when he heard their story. It brought him back to reality, reminding him of where he was. After hearing that story, he was skeptical of them. Even after excusing himself and retrieving a pokéball with a Pokémon linked to his mind and checking them for lies, he was still unsure despite their full honesty.

A world without Pokémon? Such a thing was inconceivable. The Pokémon Professor could hardly comprehend the idea, let alone believe in a world where humans and animals were the only beings on the planet.

Small punctuation error here, and I think this paragraph works better as two smaller ones.

But when he gathered their data with the energy detector, he decided to scan more than necessary, he wasn't sure why he did it but he was glad he had as the results were… concerning.

Ultra Residue. Inconclusive. As seen by the normal picture of the three.

Infinity Energy. Inconclusive. As noted from the lack of distinct energy inside them.

Wait, wait, wait. Implying that the three aren’t really Pokémon right now?

Type Energy. Inconclusive. As observed when he compared them to other Poké-fied people, they held barely any difference from other victims.

Well, then. That’s really unexpected. I’m not sure where you’re going with this, other than that I’m sure it’ll be towards some really, really freaky places considering June’s vision a couple scenes ago.

It was only the final data he'd received that forced him to a halt.

Aura. Inconclusive.

He couldn't get those words out of his mind the moment he saw them.

>Aura. Inconclusive

Okay, that is definitely ominous since that implies that the three aren’t even alive right now.

He had checked the systems, redoubled his findings, and tried everything he could think of. But it all came back to…

Inconclusive.

Everything, whether living or not, had Aura. The trees, the rocks, Pokémon, people, Poké-fied people, even the very clothes he wore had Aura.

You sure it was a good idea just to let those three just walk out of your lab there, Oak?

… and yet, those three… those three children had thrown everything he knew, everything he studied about back into his face.

A loud voice had screamed in his mind then. He wanted to understand them, their culture, their world's history. He wanted to learn more. He wanted to learn everything about them!

But he didn't…

Ah yes, there’s those feelings of regret setting in right now.

He made a lot of mistakes in his time alive and he liked to think he'd learned a thing or two from his mistakes. He wouldn't push another person away because of his impulsive drive to learn, not again. These children needed someone to support them in a world where they weren't supposed to exist. And he was willing to put his researcher side away in order to help someone in need.

Once the three were out of his house, he smiled as he pulled out a pokéball. "Alright, Tutor. Keep an eye on them."

With that command, his Pokémon blinked away.

I get that the identity of the tutor that Oak sends out is meant to be a spoiler for now, but I do wonder if you should’ve given a bit more description of him sending this Pokémon out than what you presently have.

[ ]
"And we're off! To see a land unknown~" With a bounce in his steps and the pokéballs jiggling in his belt, the Charmander snapped his claws and raised his arms to the sky. "This is it! We're actual freaking Pokémon trainers! This is so cool! I mean, technically, we still gotta get to Viridian City first to register but this is close enough!"

Nothing could ruin his day.

Though a Charmander’s able to wear a Pokéball holster given that they’re unironically shorter than Yoda? ^^;

[ ]

"Ugh, why do we have to be trainers?"

Yup, nothing could ruin his day.

June, stop tempting fate there.

[ ]

"Hey, since it's gonna take a while before we can register. What kind of Pokémon do you think we should catch in the meantime? I'm thinking of Pidgey. Pidgeot, I've read, can move faster than the speed of sound. Super speed and flight are so cool, and considering that we're operating on anime rules instead of game rules, there's so much we can work with!"

Who is saying this line here? June or Quil? Since it’s a bit unclear at the moment.

Silence took hold of their surroundings the moment he finished his sentence. Empty. Quiet. Peaceful. Calm. Only the sounds of their feet walking and the grass swaying in the wind could be heard.

…

[ ]
God, just what the hell was that white void? Why are we even here for? Ugh, try not to think about the possibility of reincarnation and how that meant my brothers and I died in our sleep…

I personally feel that the transition into June’s thoughts here is a bit too sudden and would’ve worked better with a moment where we get to see the unease set in more gradually.

…

Aah! Bad thoughts! Baaaad thoughts! Leave him alone! He winced, looking for a distraction before taking note of his brothers' gloomy expressions.

Fine. Guess he shouldn't ignore the situation any further.

Oh, well. Just making a mental note that Quil was a bit less excited and gung ho than he initially seemed a couple scenes ago.

"Come on, guys. Stop acting like thaaat~'' He nudged them with a grin on his face. "We're in a world where children can catch and beat up gods so stop acting like what we're doing is impossible~"

June, do you have any idea how much you’re jinxing yourself right now?

"I'll feel better if you yourself would stop acting like that," Ane muttered, not looking his brother in the eye.

[ ]
"Hm… how about you, Quil? What Pokémon do you wanna catch?" He moved on to the Bulbasaur, not at all discouraged by his brothers' lack of a reaction. "Come on, you were so talkative earlier."

The underlined IMO should be pulled forward and expanded a bit.

Quil sighed. [ ]

"Fine. If you want my thoughts then I say we wait till Route 22. If we're going to beat Brock then a Mankey would be good against him."

[ ]

"Do you think Brock's even gonna be the gym leader?” Ane asked. “'cause I'm pretty sure his dad takes his place after Ash fights him."

[ ]

"Oh… oh huh, you're right."

"I know! And I just realized that!" June groaned. "Now we won't know what his strategy will be. I mean, yeah he's probably gonna still use Rock-types but Brock's like all rock hard so how would his dad be? Stone cold?"

Some more spots where I think things are ripe for expansion. The thing that I think you need the most here at the moment though is a speech tag for Ane’s line, since I’ll admit that originally I thought June was saying that and got thrown by why he was speaking twice in sequence.

And most damning of all, what should his one-liner be after beating the gym?

Ah, so much to consider!

Ah yes, Priorities™!

[ ]

"Come on! We gotta catch that Pidgey now if we're gonna figure out a strategy!"

[ ]
"Wait, let's do that after I catch a Rattata," Quil said.

[ ]

"Huh? Why Rattata? I thought you said you wanted a Mankey?" June raised a brow.

"Yeah, but a Rattata could help in–"

"Hah! Help in what? Being fodder? They're like the most useless Pokémon you could ever catch," June said, dismissively waving a claw. "I mean, there was a reason why Youngster Joey was a meme, y'know. Rattata sucks, period. They're dumb, they're disgusting ugly pests and I don't think I'd ever…”

[ ]

“Why the hell are you guys scooching away from me? Is there something behind… Oh… oh frick… I see where this is going…"

Cue the very angry Rattata jumping him in 3… 2…

Though I feel like there’s a number of spots that merit expansion here, especially the point where Ane and Quil are just uneasily backing away from June and he puts two and two together.

Did he dare look back?

He turned around and immediately turned back, face paler than a sheet of paper.

Only question is did he piss off a Ratata, or a Raticate?

[ ] Nope nope nope nope. He was getting out of here. He was not going to fight off an entire pack of rats.

I think that you should describe actually seeing the Ratata and their expressions a bit more, since this is a bit too “told” and not “shown” here.

But then again, this was the animeverse, maybe if he…

"Hey, idiots! Everything I said was one hundred percent true and you know it! Try catching me if you can, suckers!" And to add to his taunting words, he stuck out his tongue.

Ignoring his brothers' shocked gasps, he ran as fast as he could, knowing that his brothers were more than capable of escaping before things went bad.

Things went bad.

No, scratch that. Things went terrible.

Oh, so that well™, huh? Let’s see what the damage was.

It was the worst, the absolute fricking worst. He groaned, nursing a bite mark on his side as he leaned against a stump. Why did he think that was going to go well? Ow. He could barely think over the pain radiating from the bruises and cuts on his body.

Because you thought you were living in a cartoon? ^^;

He glanced off to his side, Ane sat against a tree. He didn't look as bad as June did but he knew Ane had taken some damage judging by the way he winced and cringed, and Quil lay spread across the grass, exhaustion marring his bruised figure.

He messed up.

I kinda wonder if the whole “get run down by Ratata and take a very un-PokéAni style loss” moment would’ve worked better being explicitly depicted, though I suppose I can also see the argument in Giligan cutting here.

"Well, that didn't go as planned." June shrugged, resisting the urge to wince.

[ ]

"Didn't go as planned?" Ane muttered, his voice holding a dangerous tone that threatened to stab him. "You call pissing off an entire colony of Pokémon a plan?"

June: “U-Uh… Pikachu claws aren’t super sharp, are they? Since Ane looks like he’s about to stab me right now.” o_o;

"Langua–"

[ ]
"No! This is the reason why I didn't want to be a trainer! I knew something like this would happen! This is all your fault!" Ane shouted, getting up with his paws balled into fists as he stalked his way to his injured brother. "You made them–"

[ ]

"Hey, hey calm down. I'm… I'm still hurt…"

"You think I give a damn if you're hurt?!" he spat out, raising his fist menacingly.

You know the drill re: the braces. Though really, June. You yourself thought this was a bad idea at first, so are you really surprised that Ane is blowing a gasket here?

[ ]

"Quil… little help here… buddy?"

The Bulbasaur turned his head to give him a deadpan stare. "Long live the king."

Well… he was doomed.

[ ]

"Wait wait wait, don't–"

Ane brought his fist down.

But it never connected.

Instead, a hand grabbed hold of the paw, stopping its collision with his face. June blinked as Ane let out a startled noise and he stared at the hand with morbid interest. The hand wasn't attached to an arm, instead it was coming out of a hole in reality.

Wait. What? How on earth does that-?

[ ]

"What the fu–"

"Now now now, little Ane. We can't have any of that dirty language here, can we?" A voice giggled from behind June and he jumped, all the aches and pain vanishing from his body as he turned to face the source of the voice.

Staring back at him was a man wearing a hood that covered his entire being. In the void where the person's head should be were two brightly glowing eyes made of gold scanning his very soul.

Oh, hello, freaky stalker dude from last chapter.

June glanced back at Ane, watching as the hand let go of Ane and scampered its way to the hooded man.

What the hell was going on?

Surprised that there’s no reaction from June and the other boys to the stranger who just had a disembodied hand crawl past them.

The hooded person floated down — They were floating! — and accepted the hand's request to rejoin its master. Once reattached, the hooded man tossed their hood aside, and with their being now fully exposed to the sun's rays, June's heart hammered in his chest as he stepped back.

June: “... Nope nope nope nope.”

"Who… who are you?" June asked. He needed to know. He needed to know who this was and why… Why did this person have his human face?

With a grin etched onto the being's stolen face, he snapped his fingers and flaming letters appeared above his crimson-glazed hair, blitzing through several letters as he said spoke.

"I'm known by many names throughout the Infini-verse. Dark Lord, monster, demon, and other dark and grimy curses but my friends call me Crude. It's a pleasure to meet you, Creator."

The flames above his head changed to copy those words, their heat providing warmth that left him uncomfortable.

June: “I’m sorry, what the actual-?” O.O

[ ]

Creator? What did he mean by that?

"Exactly what it says on the tin, Creator."

[ ]
Did he just–

'Read your mind? Yes, I did~'

Some more spots where I think that it’s worth getting into June’s head a bit more.

June screamed, clutching his head. [ ]

"Get out of my head!"

"If you say so," Crude said, switching his attention to the other two, his golden eyes twinkling in mischief. "So you two are Quil and Ane. I've been dying to meet the ones he calls his brothers. What do you think of your sweet little ol' nephew?" He chuckled, swaying to the side and dodging Ane's failed pathetic punch.

The underlined I feel should be depicted playing out a bit more explicitly since I’m not really feeling the post-facto action there.

"Stay away from us, you stupid impostor!" Ane shouted with disgust marring his face.

I’m not sure if I’d have characterized Crude as an impostor given that he’s not visually aping anyone right now.

"Oh, there's a joke in there that you three wouldn't know for a lo~ong while." His grin reached his eyes as he dodged another punch, making his way over to Quil. "Hey–"

“Stay away from me." Quil glared at the hovering man who merely shrugged and floated away.

"Oof, tough crowd. Am I right?"

I think that the two bits implied in the underlined work better off getting separated out into their own sentences from each other.

June held his head with a shut eye, holding out an arm to prevent the overly aggressive Pikachu from making a mistake. "What are you?" He addressed his flying doppelganger with a bit of difficulty.

Wait, Crude is a doppelganger to June? I didn’t get that vibe at all from the narration since I didn’t get a distinctly “human” or “Charmander” vibe from Crude’s described appearance. If that’s a feature and not a bug, I would strongly suggest beating that over the readers’ heads a bit harder in the narration up to this point.

"Somebody that you used to know~" He cleared his throat, snapping a top hat into existence and pulling a clipboard out of said hat. "Alright, I've had my fun. Let's get down to business."

He gave them a grin that held teeth that fit better if they were on a shark. [ ]

"'How do you know whether your life is a lie?' Oh wait, that's the wrong question. No need for any existential crises at the moment." He tore the clipboard in half, crumpled it up into a ball, and chucked it back into the top hat which subsequently shattered into a million pieces and bled into the ground.

June + Ane + Quil: “...”

Crude: “Yeah, I get that a lot.” ^.^

"Anyway." He snapped a piece of paper into reality. "I'd like you to sign here and here, please."

[ ]

Please stop… His head hurt from trying to comprehend the last thirty seconds. "What?"

"You three are looking for Pokémon, no? Well, I'm giving you the sweetest package deal of not one, not three, heck not even five, but two, TWO, awesome and rare Pokémon completely free… provided you do the manual work."

Would recommend showing the underlined playing out more in the narration / through June’s thought process since it feels a bit told and not shown right now. Also, protip, but I’m pretty sure that this is a scam right now on Crude’s part.

[ ]

"I'd… huh?"

Crude groaned. [ ]

"Right, I just remembered how slow you can be sometimes." He snapped away the paper, his eyes dimming slightly. "Look, it's simple. You complete some tasks for me and I'll give you two Pokémon as a reward," he said, all the while dodging Ane's futile attempts at hitting him.

I wasn’t aware from the narration that Ane was still trying to hit him there.

"I…"

What… what was this thing talking about? Two Pokémon for tasks? The hell was this? Some sort of main quest-type bullcrap? An-and was his doppelganger's hand covered in a wreath of green flames? What the? Did this 'Crude' guy think he'd be desperate enough to get into some kind of deal with a person who literally called himself a demon lord? This had 'Trap!' written all over it.

Might want to get your eyes checked a bit, June, since this guy sure doesn’t look like you from my end of things… ^^;

June growled, swatting away the hand in front of him. "We don't need your help, you… you… faker."

But instead of looking mad or laughing at his rejection, Crude merely gave a dangerous quiet smile that sent chills down his very soul.

"Oh… that's just perfect~ Too bad~ that wasn't a real request."

June:

He showed a wider grin that kept widening and widening and–

The image burned into his retina. Its grin threatened to split the being's face in half as the world around them faded into a crimson abyss.

His muscles locked, an invisible force holding him down, compelling him to look, to watch as portals opened up beneath his brothers, sucking them in as he hung in the air, helplessly.

Wait, so was June lifted up or pushed down? Since I feel that the narration is a little contradictory to itself at the moment.

Ane! Quil! He wanted to scream but he couldn't get his body to obey as a single golden eye floated in front of him, mumbling words that hurt to hear as a snap reverberated in the world and his vision turned blank.

"Have fun, Champion." The stolen voice spoke.

June: “Ooooookay, I think that I’m fine not being a Pokémon trainer anymore!”

Children's laughter filled the calm night. A group of Pokémon sat around a campfire, smiles dancing on their faces as they told stories and cracked jokes, relishing the warmth by the warm fire.

The Purrloin, the daughter of the local guards and the eldest of the group stood on her hind legs, forelegs spread wide as she spoke in a low tone. "... it was then the Shinx turned around and saw the monster… a tall creature made entirely of shadows stood there with an orb in hand. The Shinx screamed as the ball connected with his head, dematerializing him and trapping him in to do the monster's every bidding."

OwO

What’s this? PMD in my animeverse?

Shocked gasps filled the audience as they looked at each other in worry. The adult sitting by, a Luxio, shook her head in amusement, a small grin on her muzzle as she watched the children have their fun. To think she could bear witness to a sight like this after all those years of constantly living in fear.

There were times when she still believed everything was a dream, imagining that she would one day wake up in the cave she'd spent most of her life in as she hid from The Tyrant, hoping so dearly in her heart that they wouldn't end up like her late partner.

Can’t tell if this is a wildmon perspective right now, or if we’ve had a jump to a very, very different universe right now.

She blinked away the tears, shaking her head and banishing those thoughts. She needed to stay in the present. All of her worries and fears wouldn't help her one bit in assuring little Shez's future.

"Hey, Shez's mom!" the Purrloin called out, getting her attention. "Can you tell us the story of how Evie defeated The Tyrant? Shez said he wants to hear it even though he's a big baby."

Shez, her cute little kitten, protested with a small flush on his cheeks. "I'm not a baby, Gild! I can use Spark! Mom says only babies can't do that and I can!"

No, she’s totally a baby. Just saying.

"You'll always be my baby, Shez." She patted him on the head, ignoring his embarrassed "Mom!" as she ruffled his fur before facing the group. "Are you sure you want that story coming from silly old me? I'm not sure I could do her story justice."

As expected, cries of outrage erupted from the group.

"But you're the best storyteller, Shez's mom!" a Gligar exclaimed.

"Yeah, Miss Luxio. My dad isn't anywhere near as good at telling stories like you can," said the bright Emolga.

Okay, what is these guys’ story? Since this sure feels very different from what I’d have expected wildmon life to be like. A part of me wonders if there was more of an opportunity than this to delve into things in the narration since it also helps us better get a feel for the current characters we’re following, but I’ll hold my tongue for now.

As more and more protests piled on, she relented with a sigh, smiling at the group. [ ]

"If you really wanna hear it then who am I to turn down such lovely faces?" She giggled. "What about you, sweetie? You're sure you can handle it?"

Shez nodded vigorously, having already chosen a seat closest to her.

"Alright, alright," she said. "Gather around, children, and listen to the tale of The Tyrant's End, a true story of our brave hero, Evie..."

… Evie is going to turn out to be an Eevee, isn’t s/he?

Her voice enraptured the kids as the moon cast its light onto the small village below.

---

Somewhere deep within the forests of Troublewood and an hour away from the nearest village stood a lone building. It was a cosy little thing with a roof of thatch and walls made of the finest wood around, it stood in a small clearing where the moon freely shone its calm brilliance below.

Not really sure if I’m feeling the abrupt cutaway here. I kinda wonder if there was a chance to at least get into the opening a bit more such that it could be thematically tied into the following scene.

Peering into the small house, a small black fox, a Zorua could be seen sleeping on a straw bed, her ears twitching every so often, blissfully unaware of her surroundings.

Can’t tell if we’re in a PMD setting right now, or some analogue to Pokémon Village but in Kanto.

Lying her head on a bed bigger than her younger sister was a vixen. A fox with a coat that had various shades of brown that looked like it was painted by nature itself. Her name was Evie. But unlike the elegance one would presume for a being of her stature. The girl laying on her back was anything but. Her eyes were dull, wrinkled from the nightmares haunting her, she stared into the ceiling with a glossy look. Her mind was fuzzy, tired yet despite the struggles of sticking her yawns, she couldn't find the strength needed to sleep.

A minute passed, then another and another and another. The moonlight outside was muffled by passing clouds, the light dimming as the brown vixen let out a heavy sigh.

Oh, we’re in a story within a story, aren’t we? Since I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting us to get into Evie’s perspective here.

Life was pain.

Her ear flicked, twitching as she moved her head, barely taking in the world around her. She was tired. No – she muffled another yawn – she was exhausted. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't fall asleep. Too many nightmares. Too many voices calling out her mistakes, her failures, her–

She caught herself with a rough shake of her head, accidentally biting her tongue in the process, the pain and warmth that spread further stimulated her mind, jolting her even more awake. Groaning, Evie groggily got onto her paws, eyelids heavy as she made her way outside. A nice walk in the woods should help clear her mind.

Wait. At night? As a base morph?

Taking in a breath of fresh air, the soft breeze of the night brushed against her fur and her mane swayed under the moonlight. There was a fruity scent waning around her, greeting her as she trudged past a particularly overgrown bush and down a path only known to her.

Feeling the grass beneath her paws and the glimmer of light peeking from the leaves above, memories of a past long ago guided her movements and led her down a path. The path held no discernible differences from many others. No particular groves of trees, no particular landmark. Hell, it wasn't even paved, it was simply there, hidden in plain sight.

They have paved roads wherever this is? Must be a bit further up there on the tech and societal organizational scale than I was expecting.

Only she knew where the path led, a path that brought memories both bitter and sweet. It opened up to a large field where a river split the land in half, pooling into a lake that sparkled in the moonlight. Stars twinkled high above as the gorgeous moon bathed the land in its pale glow. It looked just as beautiful as it did all those years ago.

Something pricked her eyes and she glanced around, fighting back the memories that threatened to spill into her vision. On the other side of the land, she spied a small crater, now overgrown with grass. That was where she'd first failed her attempts at conjuring a Shadow Ball. The resulting explosion was painful but nowhere near as painful as the memory of her mother’s praises. How her praises never failed to cheer Evie up, how her failures never hurt more than a couple minutes, how everything had felt so simple back then.

Wait, who is the ‘her’ here? If it’s the Zorua, I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense to just throw in a namedrop here, since I originally read the ‘her’ as ‘Evie’ and it made this whole second paragraph a lot more confusing.

A cold sensation gripped her paws and she wiped the tears that blurred her vision. She found herself standing ankle-deep in the lake with no memory of when she’d done so. A glint in the lake caught her eyes and she stared, the amber eyes of her reflection stared back, full of contempt and anger at the pitiful and disgraceful being standing before them.

Cracks rippled through the lake as she brought her paw down, breaking the stoic and quiet facade that masked the truth.

It had been months since she'd dealt the decisive blow against him. It… was nothing short of euphoric. The chains that had shackled her shattered, bringing forth a new wave of peace and joy into her broken state. Everyone was happy.

Oh, so that story of about Evie is recent, recent. Duly noted. Even if I wonder how she feels about knowing that she’s already getting stories told to her to kids.

Perry, Rower, the citizens of Troublewood, her sister… they were overjoyed when she delivered the news. A new era had arrived, one no longer bound by fear and pain.

Yet, despite their happy faces, despite how thankful they were, despite the love and praise they threw at her, she didn't feel anything. In the following weeks, she helped them adjust, helped them learn, helped everyone who needed her. Everyday, she went through the motions with a false smile on her face, each action feeling heavier than the last, the nightmares that lingered definitely didn't help with that regard. Sometimes she didn't feel like leaving her bed, sometimes she didn't feel like moving, sometimes she didn't feel like doing anything.

Nightmares such as…? I do wonder if it’d have been worth getting into a bit more detail about what Evie just went through in terms of heroics, since as it stands, things are pretty vague at the moment.

Days had passed by like a blur and she would often find herself staring into the sky, hours having gone by without her realising. Why did she feel so numb? That was a question that had plagued her for the two months of peace that came.

And it was only during a calm night, sitting by a campfire when she found the answer.

She was bored.

… Wait, Evie and her sister are going to be those ‘two Pokémon’ that Crude offered to yeet over to Jun and his buddies, aren’t they? ^^;

The reason why everything felt repetitive, why it was so dull, was because she was bored. She was bored of the peace. The peace that she and many others had fought over a decade for.

She was bored with it.

I feel like the “She was bored” and “She was bored with it” are kinda samey to each other. I would suggest differentiating their wordings a bit more than what you’re presently doing here.

Blood, sweat and tears. Countless of lives and deaths. The neverending pressures and pain of everyone, of everything bearing down on her shoulders. She had missed it.

She'd missed the pain that followed her everywhere.

Oh yeah, that sounds totally well adjusted there. Not.

At first, Evie was disgusted at herself, at the thought that had come. She wanted everyone to suffer once more just because she was bored! Why couldn't she have just been satisfied with the peace and be happy with it? Why couldn't she just be happy? Why?

Why did she have to be such a freak?

Yeah, she’s totally going to get picked up by Crude. I can already tell. It would also explain her presence in some of those drabbles following the JaND cast that you’ve written elsewhere.

Water splashed all over her figure but she didn't care enough to notice. Her eyes narrowed and she glared, baring her fangs at the creature in the lake.

Why couldn't she have just been happy with the results? Why was she so fucking selfish? She should be happy! She should be! So why wasn't she? Why was she hiding herself from everyone else? Why did she have to be such a greedy and disgusting twat?

Why?

Because you’re hungry for adventure and are a thrill-seeker who needs to live life on the edge? It’s not that uncommon for people to struggle with moving on from their “glory days” IRL, so…

Why did everyone continue to look up to her as if she was perfect? Why did they love her so much? Why did everyone have to look so happy when they saw her?

Why couldn't they see the weak fool she really was?

She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of it. Not when she couldn't–not when she had failed him.

[ ] Why couldn't she have been strong enough to protect the ones she loved? Why was she only strong enough after she’d failed? Why was she so useless?

Tears trickled down her cheeks, rippling the lake as they fell.

Nobody knew the pain and anguish she felt all those years ago. They wouldn't understand. None of them would. Not even her sister.

That feels rather presumptive, just saying Evie. Since do you even know what’s properly going on in your sister’s head? Or are you making assumptions about what’s there?

And in the end, none of it mattered, not anymore. She was strong now. Stronger than anything in this forest. Not even the ancient dragons that hid here could dare hope to challenge her now. She would bear the pain like she always did.

Wait, as in Dragon-type Pokémon, or…?

All she needed was for her sister to be happy. Her sister’s happiness was everything to her. All her problems didn't matter as long as her sister was fine and happy.

Ah yes, that sounds totally healthy and well-adjusted right now. /s

Cleaning her sorry self off, she cast one final glance over the land, disgust muddying her expression. What used to be a beautiful place was now tainted by her pathetic weakness. Tch, she was such a disgrace.

She turned to leave, ready to try and get some rest before the day began and–

A flicker of light.

Crude? Is that you?

There, far off in the distance, she could see yellow light, dancing, wavering. She blinked, rubbing her eyes with a paw to make sure she wasn't seeing things. No, it was still there. What was that? A flame? Was someone out there? That couldn't be right. There shouldn't be anyone living there, not at the moment, she had requested it as such. Plus, she couldn't make out any smoke so it wasn't from any open fires.

A Ghost-type maybe? Again, not likely, their flames were usually purple, blue or pink, never the standard flame. So it couldn't be that.

Yeah, it’s totally Crude there.

But then what could it–

Her blood ran cold.

A human.

It could be a human.

She shook her head. No, that couldn't be right. None of them would ever dare venture into Troublewood when he showed up. He–The Tyrant had succeeded at blocking any humans from entering the forest, even the elites and aces stood zero chances against him. They wouldn't come in. They wouldn't…

Okay, just filing that away that we’re still in PokéAni’s setting and this is Pokémon Village’s Kantonian cousin.

But what if they did? What if they knew The Tyrant had died and were hoping to expand their hold onto the forest? Her heart stammered a beat and she squished the ugly thoughts that breached her mind, the ones that felt pleasure at the thought of them knowing, the actions that would be taken when they reported their findings, the fights that would ensue, the–

No, stop it!

You have an extra newline in the middle of “findings”, and the “No, stop it!” IMO works better being its own thing.

She would never want something like that! She’d never forgive herself if she let innocent Pokémon suffer because of her wants, and her sister…

[ ] Okay, she made her decision. Whatever that light was, she would discover the source of it. If it was what she thought it was then she’d take proper actions against them and if needed, kill them. Hopefully, it would never come to that but she wouldn't freeze up if she had to.

I feel like we didn’t really get to see Evie weigh what she was going to make for a decision here, so this feels a bit abrupt right now.

“Alright, head in, check it out and see if it needs immediate attention. If not, then scold whoever the fuck is out so late,” she muttered under her breath.

She set forth, her legs tensing up before she cleared the field in the blink of an eye. She glanced around, zipping from tree to tree as she honed in on the brightening light. The woods grew thicker the deeper she went, bushes and overgrown roots obscured the land, forcing her to slow down lest she had to waste more energy healing herself.

Would recommend splitting this paragraph into two, since I feel that the description part is long enough that it would probably stand out more if it wasn’t attached with the earlier dialogue.

Thankfully, there were a couple less cluttered paths available and she stalked them down, leaping over anything she couldn't walk over until finally she rounded a line of oran berry trees and reached the light where it was the brightest. It came from a small field, a little opening with nothing too special.

Her eyes scanned the opening and immediately, she found the source of the light. The sight made her heart leapt to her throat and she found it hard to breathe.

There was a Charmander on the ground, lying dead to the world with their soft breathing being the only indication of life. She couldn't believe her eyes. A Charmander. Here? That made it all the more credible that a human was nearby!

But how? How could a human have come here? That shouldn't be possible. Perry had said they were still in an ongoing war. So they couldn't be. They couldn't!

Last paragraph IMO ought to be two smaller ones. Though ‘humans in a war’, huh? Was there ‘Ye Fanon Backstory Kanto War’ in this continuity? Or has this place just been very, very sheltered from humans going back for a much longer time?

Then perhaps they were abandoned? She almost scoffed at the thought. Charmanders were incredibly popular and sought out back when… She shook her head. It just wasn't possible.

I like the meta gag of this being the animeverse, where this actually happened in the first season.

But then how could a Charmander be here if not for a human setting camp nearby? She looked around, eyes scrutinizing every inch of the place for… nothing she could see, no tracks, no footprints, not even a whiff of a human’s salty odour. However, she didn't dare let her guard down. Just because she couldn't see them didn't erase the possibility of a human hiding somewhere.

Bring it up with the multiversal demon that dumped him here.

Her ears flicked forward and her eyes lingered on the yellow flame at the tip of the Fire-type’s tail. Casting one final glance at her surroundings, she crept forward, muscles tensed, ready to bolt or fight if what she was about to do was incredibly stupid.

As she got closer and closer, a new feeling crawled into her range, pressing against her with its weight. A shiver ran down her spine and she froze, eyes locked onto the Charmander that felt like the void.

Wait, ‘felt like the void’, how? Since Evie was never mentioned touching June’s body there.

Pain pounded his head the moment he returned to consciousness. He clutched his head with a claw, groaning as prior memories flashed through his mind. Opening his eyes, he stood up, looked around, and promptly screamed like a little girl [ ].

June scrambled back, arms, legs and tail flailing. His eyes wide, full of panic as his back pressed against the bark of a nearby tree, the sensation of the wood sticking was nothing compared to the fricking heart attack assaulting him. Crap crap craap!

“Don't eat me!” he squeaked out, arms covering his face for the inevitable attack. “My flesh is squishy and tainted! It wouldn't be–be…”

I think that it makes sense to describe what June is seeing here that is making him freak out so hard. Like does he see fangs? Claws? Something different? Since otherwise it makes him look like he’s screaming and flailing over nothing.

He heard laughing. No bites, teeth or claws, just…

Laughter? He lowered his arms, seeing the Pokémon that had previously loomed over him, chuckling, giggling like a little schoolgirl after being told a joke from her crush. Momentarily dumbfounded, he stared in silence at how human it–she? looked.

Oh, hi, Evie. And yeah. Once again, I think that it would’ve been worth describing what June actually sees to better ground his freakout.

The Pokémon before him was massive, easily over twice his size and probably near the height of his human self. She resembled a fox, albeit a massive one and she had a light cream mane that was splayed over and yet didn't look as messy as it should look. Her mane trailed down her neck, reaching her withers and meshing well with the fur around her neck, much like an Eevee’s. Though, unlike an Eevee, there was an odd gash of red fur that streaked down from top to bottom and was the same shade as blood.

Oh, well. Hello, Evie. Though do I want to know about that apparent bloodstain on you?

Huh, was she one of the Pokémon Crude said he was going to catch? If so, then she definitely ticked all the boxes of an interesting mon for an isekai.

Since just saying, I’ve read the drabbles that share this setting, and you’re very much palling around with a Zorua and an Eevee in them, June.

[ ] Snapping himself out of his stupor, June jumped onto his feet, his cheeks flaring red as he pointed at the Pokémon.

[G]“[/G]He-hey, stop laughing at me!” he shouted, yet much to his dismay it only made the vixen laugh harder.

I think that we need a bit more of a transition in terms of mood/thought process than what we presently have here from June’s end.

“S-sorry,” the fox said between giggles, her fluffy tail swaying slowly behind her. “I just wasn't expecting a reaction like that.” She chuckled, muffling her muzzle with a paw. “Heh, Arceus, I needed that.”

“We-well,” he began, trying desperately to remove the flush on his face, “it isn't like my panic wasn't justified! Any normal person would react like that when they see a giant hungry fox standing over them.”

Evie: “A normal person wouldn’t have screamed at that octave, just saying.”

She raised a brow at him before shaking her head, a toothy grin on her face. “Well, luckily for you, practically no Pokémon can eat each other no matter how hard they try.”

June blinked. “Really?”

Though yeah, sounds like we’re in a Pokémon Village-esque place right now.

She nodded.

How the hell did that work?

Questions for later. He shook his head. He needed to figure out where he was first. With a grin, he struck a pose.

“The name’s June and it rhymes with dune! Nice to meet you, lady...”

“Evie, though I’d ditch the lady part. I'm sure I'm not that much older than you are,” she said with a cheery tone that sounded… odd to his ears.

Wait, but how does Evie know that given that PokéAni is the same setting where Old Man Bellsprout and Old Man Treecko exist? ^^;

[ ]

“So mind if I ask where we are or what you ar–”

“Troublewood. You're in Troublewood,” she said, her eyes narrowing the slightest bit, “and I'm an Eevee.”

“An Eevee?” he repeated with a dry look. “You don't look like one.”

“I know what I am, June.” His mind went alert at the danger laced in her tone. The smile on her face thinned and her eyes narrowed in a subtle glare.

June: “Okay! Okay! You’re an Eevee!”

“Right,” he said the word in the most sarcastic tone he could make, making a show to roll his eyes. “Evie the ‘Eevee’. Way to hit the nose with that name.”

he muttered, The entire time, he missed missing the way her teeth bared into a growl as he clapped his claws. [ ]

“Since we're trading secrets! Why don't I share some of mine with ya, Eves?”

“Don't call me that.” She snarled.

Would recommend breaking up and expanding the first paragraph here.

Undeterred, he raised a claw. “How would you react if I told ya that I'm actually a human who got turned into a Pokémon and sent to another universe?”

The smile on her face was fully gone now. Hm, that wasn't the reaction he was fishing for. Whatever, too late to back out now.

Oh boy, June sure has a talent for letting his mouth get him into trouble, huh?

“Because I actually am a human that got–blah blah blah and not only that but I also, for some dumb reason, have a doppelganger that has godly powers and am now forced into being his–their–my? pawn for some unknown task!” He finished up with a claw pointed to the sky, his legs spread as he struck a pose.

She muttered something he could barely make out, sounding like she was talking about… mind control? The hell? What did that have to do with–

Cue Evie lunging at him in 3… 2…

There was a sudden burst of wind blowing against him, dust and grass flying and when he blinked, his vision was obstructed by a round blue object. He took a step back but the orb only pushed itself forward and into his mouth.

“Here, eat this,” Evie said, having closed the distance in the blink of an eye and currently shoving said round object into his mouth. “It's not much but it'll help that wound of yours heal up better.”

June: “Wait, wound? What-?” .-.

His wound? Oh right, he had forgotten about that. He glanced down, it was mostly healed up and was barely even noticeable, how good was her eyesight if she could spot it? Hell, he could barely see it.

I think that it probably make sense to more explicitly state what the wound was, but I assume that it’s that Ratata bite or whatever that he picked up.

And like with anything else that was given to him, June took the fruit with a silent nod, not quite sure how to respond and wishing his voice would come back before awkwardness took hold of their silence. He bit into the oran berry, the juices of the fruit invigorating his mind and body despite its lacklustre taste.

And it tastes like…? Since have we ever seen what the in-setting berries taste like to June and the bros?

Evie wiped something off her muzzle, probably having already eaten her own berry as she mumbled about the lack of chesto berries nearby. She turned to him, the previous cheer in her tone all but vanished when she said, turned back to him:

“Alright, follow me.”

Swallowing the fruit with an audible gulp, June raised a scaly brow. “Follow you? To where?”

“My home,” she answered. “After what happened the last time one of your kind arrived here, not many Pokémon are keen on seeing another Fire-type so soon.”

Well, I suppose that that would give some clues as to what species the Tyrant was. My money is on Charizard.

There was something quite ominous with the way she said it but he didn't dwell on it for too long. With a cheeky grin and an exaggerated gasp, he said, “Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Eves.” He ignored her growl. “I'm sure I'll grow on them just like I've grown on you. I mean, there must be some sort of isekai charm on me if I'm already being invited by a girl to her home.”

June, I’m pretty sure that this is a recipe to get Tackled in like 30 seconds.

She gave him a blank stare, turned around and promptly began walking away. [ ]

“Hey, wait! I haven't started my two hundred questions in this new world yet! Don't leave!”

Well, that turned out better than I expected there. ^^;

Alright, going to leave things here for now. My reading experience was admittedly a bit uneven tonight, but I figured that I’d do my normal thing where before I get into the parts where I get into the things that didn’t work, that I’d start with the ones that did. The main star of the show is the characterization, with June and his brothers getting a lot of mileage in this chapter, especially with June’s stubborn insistence to get the message that he’s not an isekai protagonist in an anime and suffering hilarious consequences as a result. Evie and the glimpse of what we get of Troublewood at the end also seem really promising, since they appear to be from a place that while not far from where June and the gang are, are effectively an entirely different world in terms of outlook that will be fun to unpack in the next couple chapters. The events also did a good job going unexpected places in the chapter. I wasn’t expecting the eldritch angle of the story at all, but it’s worked in in a way that sounds interesting thus far and I’ll be keeping an eye out for where things go from there, especially with the implications that June and his brothers are distinctly not normal, and in ways that we wouldn’t have reflexively expected.

On the more critical end, I felt that this chapter had some recurring issues with lack of description making it hard to follow certain events happening or else making moments read very abruptly. The sequence where June bumbles into fighting a whole pack of Ratata comes to mind since we never actually get to see said Ratata directly in the narration, which made the sequence read a bit strangely. You also seemed to pass up a number of moments where you had chances to get more into the heads of the characters to show their thought process and how they ticked. It was especially noticeable in the Troublewood scenes, since it was a bit hard to piece together the context of where we were and what was happening from the way that we didn’t get many hints provided by what was going on in the characters’ heads. Lastly, I wonder if enough is going on in this chapter that it could’ve been two chapters with some expansion to address the prior noted issues. Since things seem to take a bit of a turn in the chapter at around the point where Crude enters the chat plus the Troublewood sequence afterwards, which if this chapter as a whole was beefed out a bit more, might have made for an organic splitting point, since we’d effectively end on a note foreshadowing that things are more than a bit weird with June and the bros, and then get to see that weirdness firsthand afterwards.

But even if things were a bit rough around the edges, I thought that this was a fun chapter, and definitely went to some places that I wasn’t expecting. Hope the feedback was helpful for you, @ShiniGojira , and I’ll be looking forward to crossing paths with your writing again sometime in the future.

 

[JFought]

I’ve arrived from catnip! I don’t know much about this story going in, but the summary sounds interesting (multiple world shenanigans?), and it’s neat that you’re revisiting your first fic to give it another chance at life! I read the first three chapters for this review, so let’s see what this is about!

Thoughts on Chapter 1 to 3:

• Right off the bat I can tell you’re having a lot of fun with the prose. It’s very casual and stream-of-consciousness, with a ton of energy to it that aligns with June’s personality and thoughts. There are times where the introspective aspects were a little much for me personally, but I think your style here really helps in giving this fic its own unique voice.
• June comes across pretty strongly as a protagonist, I felt. I didn’t get the impression he was 15 at first, but once it was made clear a lot of his behavior made sense in hindsight. Very pushy, has an inflated sense of self-importance, mistakes genre saviness for wisdom, tries too hard to play things off, and is a little cringe in an earnestly teenager kind of way. He can definitely be a lot at times, but I think you did well in communicating his flaws. And considering those flaws, it’s interesting to me that he’s intended to be an SI. Granted, I don’t read a lot of SI fics, I just think there’s something kind of brutally honest about the way June has been portrayed so far. Makes me wonder just what you plan to put him through going forward!
• It’s interesting that his brothers are along with him too! It doesn’t feel like they’re around for long before Crude separates them, and so I don’t feel like I have a complete handle on their characters yet, but I like the sibling dynamics at play so far. Ane being the more grounded one who thinks his older brother is full of himself is a good contrast. Quil has been a lot more quiet by comparison, and I don’t have a strong feel of him yet, though there does seem to be teases of something interesting going on with him, what with his random spacing out and him acting more mature than June remembers him being.
• The use of “feminine” when Oak first met June did confuse me for a moment. My first instinct was that it was meant to indicate something about June’s new body, but it seems like it’s actually just meant to communicate that his voice is high pitched as a Charmander (or maybe it’s a joke on Oak’s difficulty in reading gender?)
• The “sol” scene in the middle of their conversation with Oak was very sudden and strange. I wonder if there’s significance to it happening at that moment? There’s definitely some intrigue in the revelations that occur not long after this, with how the brothers show no sign of being fallers and have no aura.
• Crude is definitely an animated antagonist. So far, I think I vibe with it! He’s like a walking cartoon character, it’s interesting just how out there he is compared to everything else in the story so far. His connection to June is also very curious. Ane’s been blaming June for everything that’s been going on, and it seems like he might not actually be totally wrong…
• Entering Troublewood is a hell of a tone shift. It comes off as a much darker and harsher place than where we just were, especially with all this talk of “the Tyrant” and the way the stakes immediately rise. Even June seems caught off guard, the way he completely fails to read the room at first and needs Evie to kind of beat into him that things are a lot more serious now.
• Poor Evie, it seems like she has a lot going on. We don’t have all the context surrounding her yet, but it’s clear that she’s been through a lot. She’s filling a similar role to Ane as someone who doesn’t take kindly to June’s shtick, though with that crucial difference of being a complete stranger with much less tolerance for it.
• I did find some of the character beats in Chapter 3 a little hard to follow? June purposely acts obnoxious towards Evie, and it’s hinted it’s because he’s trying to get something out of her, but it wasn’t really clear to me just what that was (the prose said he knew he was getting on her nerves, but then says that he didn’t expect her to snap at him. It seems like he’s doing this because he thinks it’ll help him get answers to the questions he wants to ask? but I guess I struggle to follow that logic). June also comes to a lot of realizations really quickly after Evie scolds him and breaks through his facade, which isn’t a bad thing I suppose, I guess I just kind of expected that it’d take more time for him to reach some of these conclusions.

Spoiler: Typos and Errors

There's a part in Chapter 1 with a lot of consecutive errors for some reason.

He knew he shouldn’t have been able to, but he understand the fricking thing.

Quick remained silent, staring at the sign but June had the feeling he wasn't actually looking at it.

Feels like there was supposed to be a comma after "sign" there too.

The words were definitely still in the Japanese but he could read it like it was English, he could understand the hiragana, the katakana, the kanji, and the nouns and verbs they formed like they were second nature.

I could've actually understood and talk to people back home if I had this ability.

Depending on what you want, you could also fix this tense error by making the whole sentence present tense.

But what if they did? What if they knew The Tyrant had died and were hoping to expand their hold onto the forest? Her heart stammered a beat and she squished the ugly thoughts that breached her mind, the ones that felt pleasure at the thought of them knowing, the actions that would be taken when they reported their fin
dings, the fights that would ensue, the–No, stop it!

There's an accidental line break here.

We really don’t waste too much time before jumping right into the main world-hopping premise. I will admit, I don’t think the premise/genre here is one that I’m inherently invested in (not like as a slander to this fic, it’s just not my Thing, y’know?). But I do think there's a fun idea here, having the fic jump between a hodgepodge of different tones and storylines, with June and his mysterious connection to Crude at the heart of it all. And as I said, I definitely felt that jump, as Chapter 3 is just so incredibly different from what came before. I think once I began to understand this is how the story is going to work, I began to feel more receptive to it. I think it’s because Troublewood provides such a strong contrast to the first two chapters: it really hammers in just how much things can vary.

It looks like it's been a while since the last update. As someone who can definitely empathize with that (haha…), I wish you luck with this fic! While I don't know if it's my cup of tea personally, I wouldn't be against coming back to this story just to see all the places it goes.

 

[tomatorade]

Here for catnip, went through chappies one and two for this.

I did enjoy this overall, though I found it difficult to structure my thoughts on it for what will probably become obvious reasons.

Starting out, I was a little nervous. The introduction is fairly standard for this kind of pokemon fic, waking up, new body, etc... the inclusion of two other characters is somewhat interesting on its own That plus June, but I'll cover them later. The whole intro almost lulls you into a false sense of security because very quickly after things start getting strange.

Touching on an overall issue I had, the writing feels both too slow and too fast. I think you spend a decent amount of time in the moment-to-moment writing, and especially the internal thoughts of characters, and that plus description and action make the actual writing feel on the slower side. However, as we go on, so many ideas and terms and new elements are introduced at such a rapid rate that it seems much faster than I think it is. By the end of my reading I had a lot of questions, probably too many to be honest, and they come one after the other. Like, by the time we've settled into Oak's lab and come to terms with the worldbuilding around the multiverse, we've got a meaty dream(?) sequence and June's convinced Oak to let him go on a journey. And that, of course, also doesn't last that long. I expected them to at least get to Brock before being kidnapped by an omnipotent being.

The benefit of this is that the fic is a rollercoaster from very early on. There's a lot of momentum to reading and I certainly wasn't bored. The tradeoff is that I can't say we're ever breaking a status quo because we never feel like we settle on one in the first place lol. And it's a little hard to get invested when I feel like I'm being thrown back and forth.

The training bit is a moment I think I was desperate to see us settle on for a while. The idea of Pokemon training takes so much of June's focus early in the chapter and seems intended to drive some conflict between the brothers, but all we get of it is June being attacked by rattata and fighting with Ane and then Crude shows up to break them apart.

In general, I wanted more between the brothers early on. It was something that interested me from the introduction, but Ane and Quil don't do too much so far. I enjoy the contrasting personalities--there certainly seems to be a history between Ane and June, and given some hints I can't really blame Ane for believing June caused their transformation. Still, I would've liked more moments of them interacting before things got too crazy. The brothers sit in the background for most of these chapters.

I enjoyed the shift in realities. It was jarring, to be fair, but suited the idea of the fic, I guess. The issue here is just shifting to the perspectives and stories of a completely new place and set of characters without much to ease us into it. It's interesting, though, that we now seem to be in the beginnings of an entirely different story to what we've seen so far. There's a whole background hinted at with Evie which, while a little overwhelming, does really set this segment apart from everything before it in terms of scope and character.

June as a character is probably my favourite part of the fic. Evie has an interesting premise and we quickly get a sense of her conflict and place in the world, otherwise Nobody else has enough development to be that interesting yet. Lots of moments and little details and questions I have about them, but June is the one character I feel like I have a decent understanding of so far. I enjoy how rash and vain he seems, but with a undercurrent of denial. Some moment of him doubting himself are maybe a little abrupt or blunt, but I like that they're included. Otherwise he might be a bit too much on his own, I can already tell I will be frustrated with him in the future so hopefully it's a good sort of frustration.

I had a lot of fun with this, despite my issues and it not being my usual thing. I'm not a huge fan of multiverses and universe jumping, but it caught my attention.