In which I make good on a review exchange from forever ago
Hey, Sind! I’ve been meaning to finally catch up with WSBS since forever, but life has kept me at bay for a while. Review blitz is a great opportunity to get caught up, though, so here’s a review doing just that! To keep things organized over this many chonk chapters, I’ll go chapter by chapter this time. Disclaimer that it’s been a long long time and I might not remember things from previous chapters perfectly.
Chapter 9
>Dorian having a decent human being moment :absus:
This was a pretty chonky chapter! :0 I liked the moments between Odette and Enora a lot. The bit where people ask Odette to sell her is awful as ever, lol
I really like that this fic includes the pokemon as characters a bit more. It’s important for the plot, but also nice in general – I feel like their dynamic is really heartwarming and it carried a lot of the chapter. Love to see trainers looking out for their pokemon and treating them as equals, especially contrasted with whatever tf is going on at this horrible-ass party. (the contrast is really clever and effective – excellent decision there) Dunk them all in the lake :[
Clovis returns™ like how the curtain is sloooowly being drawn back on this guy, figure something’s up with the figure-skating and the language switching…
I guess ‘galarian’ stands in for English here – it does make sense, since this Kalos seems to be mostly 1:1 with irl France, but it never really occurred to me that they’d be speaking French/Kalosian in this fic…
This is probably something I forgot from previous chapters, but it isn’t really clear to me who can and can’t understand pokemon in this setting. Is it everyone? Just those who are trained to? Can only some ‘mon speak? Is Odette just special somehow? If ‘mon can talk to everyone in this setting, that makes this party even more terrible, wtf
Somehow the camera app not working at these performances is the most chilling part of this. Hits way too close to home and evokes those In Too Deep feelings
Looks like Venira (?) makes a sudden appearance! Shadow/blood pokemon are one of the pieces of this story I’m a little bit foggy on – I’m guessing the one inside Odette is more of a legendary, while the ones being conjured from shinies are akin to normal ‘mon. Definitely interested to find out why shinies, in particular, are the ones capable of spawning these things, and also why Odette got to carry one.
I wonder if rich people like these are behind most of the schemes that organizations like Team Rocket get up to. It sure does feel like they’d be the types buying those poached and smuggled pokemon.
I’m guessing the low blood pressure has something to do with Venira and blood-types :lucathink:
Chapter 10
Did I mention I absolutely love Noel, his every line is gold
Loic causally being a vent gremlin, as one does
This is a pretty short chapter, mostly just some relaxing with Odette’s friends and her getting the scoop that her grandfather and Clovis are… cooperating?? That’s a pretty big bombshell, and definitely adding to the ‘in too deep’ vibes here. I guess at this point it’s mostly hanging in there until her meeting with Clovis, and probably keeping the fact that she listened in close to her chest, though I imagine they’re all still only scratching the surface of all this.
Related, but I love the descriptions of Loic. I don’t remember all Odette’s pokemon that well, but in contrast to Enora’s ladylikeness, he’s much more of a proper cat – slinking around the house, disappearing randomly, stealing things and stashing them everywhere
(have I mentioned that I love how you characterize pokemon)
Looks like my suspicions on Odette’s blood pressure episodes being related to whatever was inside her might be correct after all…
There’s a fun irony in Bernard getting yelled at for misplacing the phone during a work call, when in reality the misplaced phone was being used to spy on the work call that he supposedly lost the phone in :madness:
Chapter 11
Oh god, Dorian’s an obsessive texter :grohno:
I admit I can’t really blame either of them for being off-kelter at their job tbh. If I’d gone through what they had recently, and had all that on my mind, I’d probably be pretty unable to focus too. At least their coworkers and boss are being somewhat understanding (fictional) (real life could never)
Hmm, Odette’s moving… (this was probably mentioned in earlier chapters and I totally forgot) with the knowledge of some new characters who haven’t shown up yet, I’m guessing that region may be… Alola?
This is where I take a moment to compliment your prose – one of the biggest takeaways I’ve had so far is that the prose is really good at clinging to Odette and bringing out everything she feels. It’s extremely vivid, and this is one of the chapters where it absolutely shines through
The bouqet of roses is honestly probably one of the grossest things from Dorian so far. It’s just. Textbook narcissist. It’s predatory (esp given how he seems to be hinting that he wants to get married) and boundary-pushing, but in a way that only those involved will really get it – everyone else just cheers, and you’d look like an asshole if you did anything but smile and nod along. The comment in the prose about territory marking feels really apt. Especially given that past chapter where he forced himself on Odette and then memory wiped her. I would be angry too!
I love Ange ❤️
The return of Clovis (again)… wonder what he’ll be getting up to now
Chapter 11.5
Aka, in which we see Dorian being an immensely creepy fuck
Basically all of this description is him at his worst and also textbook narcissist, lol. I liked how you balanced his raging insecurity with how absolutely full of himself he is – the contradiction that he is and must be perfect, and yet there are others who are seemingly more perfect than him, boiling into rage and the want to do several terrible things to those people, both aptly paints him and also paints why he’s so dangerous. He is of course also uber creepy – standout moments where he insists he wouldn’t sink as low as stealing her panties, but then spends way too much time thinking about that anyway, the time where he causally fantasises about beating her, the way he swipes her personal items, the way he almost transposes her onto the strippers… honestly just The Worst Guy Ever :nauseated:
Clovis is also here, being the sole class act – it’s nice to get some more background into how he’s involved with the other side of things. I guess virtue corp’s investigation goes pretty deep in… though he can’t seem to resist getting involved when it’s to defend Odette. I’m guessing that means the Feelings™ Odette was having from before might not be so one-sided after all. Quite a twisted love triangle this is shaping up to be :V
I can understand taking like, pride/lust etc. I do wonder why you’d take Envy… if these are based off the seven deadly sins, there are some that just don’t seem like a very great trip tbh. I can’t imagine wanting to take Sloth or Gluttony. This is assuming they augment the described feeling, that is, which from this chapter they seem to?
Chapter 12
I do have to admit, using google street view is a perfectly mundane and also perfectly reasonable thing to do when someone asks you out to a potentially shady location, kudos for including it :V
Isaur hasn’t had that much interaction in these chapters. I admit I keep assuming from the name she’s an ivysaur :madness:
Noel knows where it’s at
A lot of revelations this chapter! :0 I like that things are finally starting to come to a head after all that buildup, and I can tell the answers are gonna be good it is definitely a bombshell to learn that Clovis… isn’t actually Clovis. Turns out he’s basically a souped-up undercover cop instead. I guess that’s interesting – you seem to be highlighting the strangeness of his appearance change, which is definitely making me wonder if something’s kinda fishy there. Brown -> blue eyes aside, it’s definitely weird that he so closely resembles a guy who died in the first place. Hell of a coincidence to have a highly trained person like that who just so happens to be a dead ringer…
This is part one of two, so. We’ll see what part two has in store I guess. HUGE to see Florent finally getting a namedrop!!
Chapter 13
I just realised Dorian’s surname is French for ‘Goodman’ :madness:
Another chapter full of bombshells… I like that a lot of things are finally just coming to light, no holds barred. You’re even getting that Odette is possessed out of the way, which is a major Good™. It definitely was a lot of exposition dumping, but at this point it seems warranted—we’re at the point where it’s better to have answers, after all.
I do like the romantic tension between Odette and Clovis/Valentin a lot – it definitely feels like something that’s shared, even though Odette keeps whacking herself over the head about it. It’ll be fun to see where it goes from here :lucathink:
The whole backstory with Florent is interesting. Not too many notes on it right now – there was an explanation, but for the most part he remains a figure who’s not had too much onscreen time, so jury’s still out on him. He’s an enigma for right now.
One thing I wonder is why Team Enigma only seems to operate mainly in Kalos? I guess there’s a case if the Kalosian elite are holding the power for themselves, or if Kalos is just willing to be the place where people from all over the world go to get their illegal shit done, but I guess it makes me wonder. The picture painted seems to contain this to Kalos, when realistically I feel like the entire world’s elite would be in on this in some way.
It's valid not to leave super sensitive info in a semi-public place that gets frequented by you every day… but I’m not really sure why Valentin (supposedly) leaves all those sensitive documents in the ~other~ semi-public place that he frequents every day. Much secure :galaxeon:
Now that they have all the answers, something tells me that things are about to get shaken up soon
Chapter 14
(skipped the April fools’ chapter, sorry; might come back to it later on)
Damn, Valentin loves his car
Maxence Drossel immediately second best character
Naturally Noel goes in for the kill
Your character interactions really sell and carry this fic – I love how you’ve managed to characterize this new character within his first scene and already establish a dynamic that makes him seem real! All of these characters immediately click and mesh so well, both the human and pokemon ones, and it makes me go
I love Valentin’s team so much ❤️ He really does have a thing for ice-types :P
Hmm, I wonder if it’s this violently stormy in irl France – it seems like every other chapter there’s a dangerous-to-be-out-in thunderstorm happening :V
This was a mostly calm chapter - I did appreciate the fluffy bits after so many bombshells were dropped in short order. I also liked the description of Valentin’s place. He really does seem humble and fun to be around. Definitely not the flashy, obnoxious kind of rich.
Odette’s situation is definitely sucky :( I’d be in pretty dire straits too if I learned I was the illegitimate child of an irl supervillain. I can see how it ended up eventually breaking down – it was going to come out at some point, and Noel happened to be the unfortunate recipient of that anger. Hopefully they’ll be able to make up once they’ve all calmed down a little. Until then… I guess it’s time for Odette and Valentine to spend some time together! Guess it’s going to be interesting to see what he’s got to say to her in private. Hopefully not any more bombshells, there’s been quite a few of those :madness:
Chapter 15
Aka Horny On Main, The Chapter
I’d build that puzzle
Another doozy of a chapter for sure. I feel like this is the fourth time in a row I’ve said that :grohno:
I liked the conversation and bonding between Odette and Valentin. It really feels natural, and made 13K words go by really quickly. I keep saying over and over that the characters and their interactions are the best aspect of this fic, and I’ll reiterate here – they feel real and raw and heartwarming. I already feel like I know Valentin deeply, and he and Odette have extremely good chemistry, and the make-up between Odette and Noel is one of the most heartwarming scenes in the fic. It’s one thing to tell everyone they’re good friends, but another to show it, and you did a great job of showing it here (Noel is still best character)
I guess it was coming up that Odette would have to spill the beans on being possessed by Venira, and would have to reckon with how it’s affected her over the years. I wasn’t expecting the stuff with Dorien drugging her to be tackled so quickly either – it definitely felt like a huge upset, and made both of them upset too. I was surprised by how quickly feelings rose, admittedly – not that it feels out of character necessarily (especially for Odette), it just felt… jarring, I guess. :V It did get resolved fairly quickly, though. I guess the Super Important Backstory in the past is still locked behind a barrier that can’t be accessed until later. Can’t have that this early in the story
Chapter 16
Omg, it’s the exact same dream setting as the one I use for Espurr :madness: eldritch dream club!!
I love how the most important thing about this is the décor, lol
I already love Venira
Fascinating chapter in general; definitely a breakaway from what was there previously! I will be honest – despite being one of the longest chapters in the fic, I didn’t really feel it? I felt like the interaction between Odette and Odile carried the chapter really well, and it didn’t really feel rushed or disjointed anywhere. So I guess in response to your notes at the beginning of the chapter, as a reader I didn’t really think anything stood out to me or felt rushed; however, I do have more stamina for Chonkload Chapters than normal people do, so definitely get a few other opinions :V If you want to split it, somewhere around “do you like stories?” feels like the most breakable point.
I love Venira/Odile in general – she’s such a comic relief character and I love her sense of humour. It definitely wasn’t what I expected from her, and she’s so entertaining that despite mostly being there for exposition, I loved every minute of it – she’s got some of the best lines in the fic.
At this point, I guess she’s going to become a mainstay similar to the Envy in Dorien’s head. It’ll be interesting to have her around.
Another note I’ll say is that at this point, it’s been. Five long chapters of exposition. I imagine that’s coming to an end, but do hope things shift gears a little in the coming chapters – I definitely feel like there’s been a lot unloaded at once with no real reprieve (and part of what made this chapter feel so breezy is that it’s something different from the straight Odette/Noel/Valentin bombshell barrage we’ve had for like the last six chapters).
Chapter 17
Looks like, as the chapter suggests, this really is back to reality
The standout scene of the chapter is of course the talk between Enora and Odette. I guess I can kind of see both sides – it’s understandable that Odette would be mad that her pokemon of twelve years had basically been lying to and betraying her trust for all that time, but also, like. Enora has Been Through Some Stuff. So I can’t really blame her for hiding what she did. It’s not really fair to expect her to magically have known that it would all go over well, and given the circumstances of having a literal demon inside you, I’d be scared of telling others that too! Hopefully it’ll be resolved soon, though – I feel like Odette tends to fly off the handle at people and then calm down later.
The other scenes were alright too – I’m interested to see the confrontation between Odette and her mom when it eventually reaches that point. It feels like she’s trying to pent it all up, and that’s not working – eventually it’s going to boil over and she’s going to melt down. Somehow. I can already tell by the way she’s acting just thinking about Dorien that it’s not a sustainable situation. I guess there’s not much else to do but wait for shit to inevitably hit the fan…
Chapter 18
This was a shorter, but interesting chapter. I guess it’s kind of an interlude/first true return to normalcy, with Odette trying not to fly off the handle despite knowing everything she knows now. It definitely is a bit harder with how much she’s dealing with right now – not surprised his usual antics, coupled with the fact that she knows he drugged him now, is enough to drive her right up to the edge.
God, Dorien really is just textbook narcissist – acting controlling, pushing the blame on others, invading personal space, and now he’s going to the next level of trying to cut her off from other guys. And of course the guilt tripping of “why don’t you spend more time with meeeeee” – just like him to make others feel guilty for his own damn shit. Just really gross. We’re not even in his pov and I can feel the slimy vibes rolling off him. I like how you write Odette’s distate for him, even contrasting what she says with what she thinks. The leer he sends Solene at the end is nasty.
If nothing else, the chapter definitely drives home the point that this isn’t a sustainable situation by any means – if just this afternoon was enough to drive her to the brink multiple times, one of which ended up with Dorien nearly getting axed, I doubt this is going to last much longer. It’s not going to be long until she breaks, and idk at what point Dorien is going to catch on or not. The act is definitely falling apart some, and he’s suave enough to keep a lid on what he really thinks. I guess he’ll probably wait for her to play into her hands in any case :V
Chapter 19
Another transitional chapter ft. Dorian. Looks like in this one, he’s gone from overbearing and narcissistic to straight-up threatening, I guess. I definitely feel like he knows a bit more than he’s letting on here, and I have a feeling he might spring that trap soon.
More of the cracks are showing too – it feels like life is piling in harder and harder on Odette, I guess it’s not a massive surprise that a completely random (and traumatizing, to be fair!) event like nearly getting t-boned on the highway would lead to her exploding and almost expelling Odile. Definitely a close one, and only adding to the growing thread of tension that she’s probably going to slip up somewhere.
And Dorien’s buddies are back! Aaand just as obnoxious as they were in the interlude chapter :V of course they’re racing on public roads, and of course they’ve got shit like Bugattis. And naturally, they’d be dining at a restaurant with prices set too high for the Commoners™ to dine at (like, wtf, 40 euro for lowest price on the menu transcends being expensive; at that point it’s an insult on a plate). All around savory crowd, I’d be noping out of that pretty quickly.
A nice, tension-building chapter, and releasing some of it with the scream brought it all to a head nicely
Chapter 20
Wow, now Odette has not just one but two people chiming in on her Super Secret Crush™ 😔 rotom-phone is kind of a privacy invasion now that I think about it, isn’t it? I wonder how many rotoms get into petty shit with their phone-users and decide to fuck things up, or get brought forward as witnesses/used for surveillance…
I guess this chapter is mostly about Odette talking with her mom, something that’s been lingering on the horizon but Odette’s been pointedly avoiding until now. There’s a lot of things in this chapter that she’s either avoiding or has been for a while – her crush on Valentin, Enora and Solise, her mom…
It was nice to finally get some closure on what happened when Florence and Vienna are together. Her description of him rings eerily close to what Odette and Dorien have going on. It makes me wonder what Vienna would think if she knew the entire truth of what Odette was going through currently (and maybe she does know a part of it – the false name seemed more like a deflection than a truth tbh).
I also loved that there was some closure on Odette and her struggles with her team! I was waiting for that to happen, and though the scene was short and sweet, it wasn’t disappointing – it’s one of the few scenes that hasn’t been resolved with a bunch of talking, and after everything that’s transpired these few chapters, that feels right for this scene. It does feel a lot like the conclusion of an arc – there are still questions, but most everything present has either been addressed or kind of tied up, and now there’s only the future to look to.
Overall:
Alright, we’re at the end! I confess my brain has kind of melted over several hours of this, so if things seem a bit patchy here and there, that’s why :V
I really enjoyed reading this, as usual – your writing is excellent and published book quality tbh, and your characters feel very vibrant and real. If I had to levy a criticism, the biggest one I have is length and pace – I feel like things tend to drag on, which can be great for slower scenes, but it also makes the pace of things drag. A lot of exposition happened in these chapters, and part of me wonders if there’s places where things could have been cut/combined/sheered down to size a bit. It would definitely help the unwieldy chapter lengths some too – it’s definitely hard to break them with how long single scenes can get, but despite them being good, it might be a sign that they go on a bit long at times.
On the whole, I’m interested to see where this goes, though – especially since from storycrafter prompts, I believe the alola gang will be involved in this at some point later on? (not sure how long this is going to be, admittedly) My biggest want for the future is to see things kick into higher gear a little – I feel like we’ve been in exposition mode for a while and pretty much all the answers/reactionary drama has played out now. If there’s a time to ratchet into things starting to happen, it’s sometime around now for sure.
Overall, lovely time, and I admire your writing and dialogue a lot! (I aspire to write characters and dynamics as real and fluid as yours) Until next time, and happy writing!
~SparklingEspeon
Hey, Sind! I’ve been meaning to finally catch up with WSBS since forever, but life has kept me at bay for a while. Review blitz is a great opportunity to get caught up, though, so here’s a review doing just that! To keep things organized over this many chonk chapters, I’ll go chapter by chapter this time. Disclaimer that it’s been a long long time and I might not remember things from previous chapters perfectly.
Chapter 9
>Dorian having a decent human being moment :absus:
This was a pretty chonky chapter! :0 I liked the moments between Odette and Enora a lot. The bit where people ask Odette to sell her is awful as ever, lol
I really like that this fic includes the pokemon as characters a bit more. It’s important for the plot, but also nice in general – I feel like their dynamic is really heartwarming and it carried a lot of the chapter. Love to see trainers looking out for their pokemon and treating them as equals, especially contrasted with whatever tf is going on at this horrible-ass party. (the contrast is really clever and effective – excellent decision there) Dunk them all in the lake :[
Clovis returns™ like how the curtain is sloooowly being drawn back on this guy, figure something’s up with the figure-skating and the language switching…
I guess ‘galarian’ stands in for English here – it does make sense, since this Kalos seems to be mostly 1:1 with irl France, but it never really occurred to me that they’d be speaking French/Kalosian in this fic…
This is probably something I forgot from previous chapters, but it isn’t really clear to me who can and can’t understand pokemon in this setting. Is it everyone? Just those who are trained to? Can only some ‘mon speak? Is Odette just special somehow? If ‘mon can talk to everyone in this setting, that makes this party even more terrible, wtf
Somehow the camera app not working at these performances is the most chilling part of this. Hits way too close to home and evokes those In Too Deep feelings
Looks like Venira (?) makes a sudden appearance! Shadow/blood pokemon are one of the pieces of this story I’m a little bit foggy on – I’m guessing the one inside Odette is more of a legendary, while the ones being conjured from shinies are akin to normal ‘mon. Definitely interested to find out why shinies, in particular, are the ones capable of spawning these things, and also why Odette got to carry one.
I wonder if rich people like these are behind most of the schemes that organizations like Team Rocket get up to. It sure does feel like they’d be the types buying those poached and smuggled pokemon.
I’m guessing the low blood pressure has something to do with Venira and blood-types :lucathink:
Chapter 10
Did I mention I absolutely love Noel, his every line is gold
Loic causally being a vent gremlin, as one does
This is a pretty short chapter, mostly just some relaxing with Odette’s friends and her getting the scoop that her grandfather and Clovis are… cooperating?? That’s a pretty big bombshell, and definitely adding to the ‘in too deep’ vibes here. I guess at this point it’s mostly hanging in there until her meeting with Clovis, and probably keeping the fact that she listened in close to her chest, though I imagine they’re all still only scratching the surface of all this.
Related, but I love the descriptions of Loic. I don’t remember all Odette’s pokemon that well, but in contrast to Enora’s ladylikeness, he’s much more of a proper cat – slinking around the house, disappearing randomly, stealing things and stashing them everywhere
(have I mentioned that I love how you characterize pokemon)Looks like my suspicions on Odette’s blood pressure episodes being related to whatever was inside her might be correct after all…
There’s a fun irony in Bernard getting yelled at for misplacing the phone during a work call, when in reality the misplaced phone was being used to spy on the work call that he supposedly lost the phone in :madness:
Chapter 11
Oh god, Dorian’s an obsessive texter :grohno:
I admit I can’t really blame either of them for being off-kelter at their job tbh. If I’d gone through what they had recently, and had all that on my mind, I’d probably be pretty unable to focus too. At least their coworkers and boss are being somewhat understanding (fictional) (real life could never)
Hmm, Odette’s moving… (this was probably mentioned in earlier chapters and I totally forgot) with the knowledge of some new characters who haven’t shown up yet, I’m guessing that region may be… Alola?
This is where I take a moment to compliment your prose – one of the biggest takeaways I’ve had so far is that the prose is really good at clinging to Odette and bringing out everything she feels. It’s extremely vivid, and this is one of the chapters where it absolutely shines through
The bouqet of roses is honestly probably one of the grossest things from Dorian so far. It’s just. Textbook narcissist. It’s predatory (esp given how he seems to be hinting that he wants to get married) and boundary-pushing, but in a way that only those involved will really get it – everyone else just cheers, and you’d look like an asshole if you did anything but smile and nod along. The comment in the prose about territory marking feels really apt. Especially given that past chapter where he forced himself on Odette and then memory wiped her. I would be angry too!
I love Ange ❤️
The return of Clovis (again)… wonder what he’ll be getting up to now
Chapter 11.5
Aka, in which we see Dorian being an immensely creepy fuck
Basically all of this description is him at his worst and also textbook narcissist, lol. I liked how you balanced his raging insecurity with how absolutely full of himself he is – the contradiction that he is and must be perfect, and yet there are others who are seemingly more perfect than him, boiling into rage and the want to do several terrible things to those people, both aptly paints him and also paints why he’s so dangerous. He is of course also uber creepy – standout moments where he insists he wouldn’t sink as low as stealing her panties, but then spends way too much time thinking about that anyway, the time where he causally fantasises about beating her, the way he swipes her personal items, the way he almost transposes her onto the strippers… honestly just The Worst Guy Ever :nauseated:
Clovis is also here, being the sole class act – it’s nice to get some more background into how he’s involved with the other side of things. I guess virtue corp’s investigation goes pretty deep in… though he can’t seem to resist getting involved when it’s to defend Odette. I’m guessing that means the Feelings™ Odette was having from before might not be so one-sided after all. Quite a twisted love triangle this is shaping up to be :V
I can understand taking like, pride/lust etc. I do wonder why you’d take Envy… if these are based off the seven deadly sins, there are some that just don’t seem like a very great trip tbh. I can’t imagine wanting to take Sloth or Gluttony. This is assuming they augment the described feeling, that is, which from this chapter they seem to?
Chapter 12
I do have to admit, using google street view is a perfectly mundane and also perfectly reasonable thing to do when someone asks you out to a potentially shady location, kudos for including it :V
Isaur hasn’t had that much interaction in these chapters. I admit I keep assuming from the name she’s an ivysaur :madness:
Noel knows where it’s at
A lot of revelations this chapter! :0 I like that things are finally starting to come to a head after all that buildup, and I can tell the answers are gonna be good
it is definitely a bombshell to learn that Clovis… isn’t actually Clovis. Turns out he’s basically a souped-up undercover cop instead. I guess that’s interesting – you seem to be highlighting the strangeness of his appearance change, which is definitely making me wonder if something’s kinda fishy there. Brown -> blue eyes aside, it’s definitely weird that he so closely resembles a guy who died in the first place. Hell of a coincidence to have a highly trained person like that who just so happens to be a dead ringer…This is part one of two, so. We’ll see what part two has in store I guess. HUGE
to see Florent finally getting a namedrop!!Chapter 13
I just realised Dorian’s surname is French for ‘Goodman’ :madness:
Another chapter full of bombshells… I like that a lot of things are finally just coming to light, no holds barred. You’re even getting that Odette is possessed out of the way, which is a major Good™. It definitely was a lot of exposition dumping, but at this point it seems warranted—we’re at the point where it’s better to have answers, after all.
I do like the romantic tension between Odette and Clovis/Valentin a lot – it definitely feels like something that’s shared, even though Odette keeps whacking herself over the head about it. It’ll be fun to see where it goes from here :lucathink:
The whole backstory with Florent is interesting. Not too many notes on it right now – there was an explanation, but for the most part he remains a figure who’s not had too much onscreen time, so jury’s still out on him. He’s an enigma for right now.
One thing I wonder is why Team Enigma only seems to operate mainly in Kalos? I guess there’s a case if the Kalosian elite are holding the power for themselves, or if Kalos is just willing to be the place where people from all over the world go to get their illegal shit done, but I guess it makes me wonder. The picture painted seems to contain this to Kalos, when realistically I feel like the entire world’s elite would be in on this in some way.
It's valid not to leave super sensitive info in a semi-public place that gets frequented by you every day… but I’m not really sure why Valentin (supposedly) leaves all those sensitive documents in the ~other~ semi-public place that he frequents every day. Much secure :galaxeon:
Now that they have all the answers, something tells me that things are about to get shaken up soon
Chapter 14
(skipped the April fools’ chapter, sorry; might come back to it later on)
Damn, Valentin loves his car
Maxence Drossel immediately second best character
Naturally Noel goes in for the kill
Your character interactions really sell and carry this fic – I love how you’ve managed to characterize this new character within his first scene and already establish a dynamic that makes him seem real! All of these characters immediately click and mesh so well, both the human and pokemon ones, and it makes me go
I love Valentin’s team so much ❤️ He really does have a thing for ice-types :P
Hmm, I wonder if it’s this violently stormy in irl France – it seems like every other chapter there’s a dangerous-to-be-out-in thunderstorm happening :V
This was a mostly calm chapter - I did appreciate the fluffy bits after so many bombshells were dropped in short order. I also liked the description of Valentin’s place. He really does seem humble and fun to be around. Definitely not the flashy, obnoxious kind of rich.
Odette’s situation is definitely sucky :( I’d be in pretty dire straits too if I learned I was the illegitimate child of an irl supervillain. I can see how it ended up eventually breaking down – it was going to come out at some point, and Noel happened to be the unfortunate recipient of that anger. Hopefully they’ll be able to make up once they’ve all calmed down a little. Until then… I guess it’s time for Odette and Valentine to spend some time together! Guess it’s going to be interesting to see what he’s got to say to her in private. Hopefully not any more bombshells, there’s been quite a few of those :madness:
Chapter 15
Aka Horny On Main, The Chapter
I’d build that puzzle
Another doozy of a chapter for sure. I feel like this is the fourth time in a row I’ve said that :grohno:
I liked the conversation and bonding between Odette and Valentin. It really feels natural, and made 13K words go by really quickly. I keep saying over and over that the characters and their interactions are the best aspect of this fic, and I’ll reiterate here – they feel real and raw and heartwarming. I already feel like I know Valentin deeply, and he and Odette have extremely good chemistry, and the make-up between Odette and Noel is one of the most heartwarming scenes in the fic. It’s one thing to tell everyone they’re good friends, but another to show it, and you did a great job of showing it here
(Noel is still best character)I guess it was coming up that Odette would have to spill the beans on being possessed by Venira, and would have to reckon with how it’s affected her over the years. I wasn’t expecting the stuff with Dorien drugging her to be tackled so quickly either – it definitely felt like a huge upset, and made both of them upset too. I was surprised by how quickly feelings rose, admittedly – not that it feels out of character necessarily (especially for Odette), it just felt… jarring, I guess. :V It did get resolved fairly quickly, though. I guess the Super Important Backstory in the past is still locked behind a barrier that can’t be accessed until later. Can’t have that this early in the story
Chapter 16
Omg, it’s the exact same dream setting as the one I use for Espurr :madness: eldritch dream club!!
I love how the most important thing about this is the décor, lol
I already love Venira
Fascinating chapter in general; definitely a breakaway from what was there previously! I will be honest – despite being one of the longest chapters in the fic, I didn’t really feel it? I felt like the interaction between Odette and Odile carried the chapter really well, and it didn’t really feel rushed or disjointed anywhere. So I guess in response to your notes at the beginning of the chapter, as a reader I didn’t really think anything stood out to me or felt rushed; however, I do have more stamina for Chonkload Chapters than normal people do, so definitely get a few other opinions :V If you want to split it, somewhere around “do you like stories?” feels like the most breakable point.
I love Venira/Odile in general – she’s such a comic relief character and I love her sense of humour. It definitely wasn’t what I expected from her, and she’s so entertaining that despite mostly being there for exposition, I loved every minute of it – she’s got some of the best lines in the fic.
At this point, I guess she’s going to become a mainstay similar to the Envy in Dorien’s head. It’ll be interesting to have her around.
Another note I’ll say is that at this point, it’s been. Five long chapters of exposition. I imagine that’s coming to an end, but do hope things shift gears a little in the coming chapters – I definitely feel like there’s been a lot unloaded at once with no real reprieve (and part of what made this chapter feel so breezy is that it’s something different from the straight Odette/Noel/Valentin bombshell barrage we’ve had for like the last six chapters).
Chapter 17
Looks like, as the chapter suggests, this really is back to reality
The standout scene of the chapter is of course the talk between Enora and Odette. I guess I can kind of see both sides – it’s understandable that Odette would be mad that her pokemon of twelve years had basically been lying to and betraying her trust for all that time, but also, like. Enora has Been Through Some Stuff. So I can’t really blame her for hiding what she did. It’s not really fair to expect her to magically have known that it would all go over well, and given the circumstances of having a literal demon inside you, I’d be scared of telling others that too! Hopefully it’ll be resolved soon, though – I feel like Odette tends to fly off the handle at people and then calm down later.
The other scenes were alright too – I’m interested to see the confrontation between Odette and her mom when it eventually reaches that point. It feels like she’s trying to pent it all up, and that’s not working – eventually it’s going to boil over and she’s going to melt down. Somehow. I can already tell by the way she’s acting just thinking about Dorien that it’s not a sustainable situation. I guess there’s not much else to do but wait for shit to inevitably hit the fan…
Chapter 18
This was a shorter, but interesting chapter. I guess it’s kind of an interlude/first true return to normalcy, with Odette trying not to fly off the handle despite knowing everything she knows now. It definitely is a bit harder with how much she’s dealing with right now – not surprised his usual antics, coupled with the fact that she knows he drugged him now, is enough to drive her right up to the edge.
God, Dorien really is just textbook narcissist – acting controlling, pushing the blame on others, invading personal space, and now he’s going to the next level of trying to cut her off from other guys. And of course the guilt tripping of “why don’t you spend more time with meeeeee” – just like him to make others feel guilty for his own damn shit. Just really gross. We’re not even in his pov and I can feel the slimy vibes rolling off him. I like how you write Odette’s distate for him, even contrasting what she says with what she thinks. The leer he sends Solene at the end is nasty.
If nothing else, the chapter definitely drives home the point that this isn’t a sustainable situation by any means – if just this afternoon was enough to drive her to the brink multiple times, one of which ended up with Dorien nearly getting axed, I doubt this is going to last much longer. It’s not going to be long until she breaks, and idk at what point Dorien is going to catch on or not. The act is definitely falling apart some, and he’s suave enough to keep a lid on what he really thinks. I guess he’ll probably wait for her to play into her hands in any case :V
Chapter 19
Another transitional chapter ft. Dorian. Looks like in this one, he’s gone from overbearing and narcissistic to straight-up threatening, I guess. I definitely feel like he knows a bit more than he’s letting on here, and I have a feeling he might spring that trap soon.
More of the cracks are showing too – it feels like life is piling in harder and harder on Odette, I guess it’s not a massive surprise that a completely random (and traumatizing, to be fair!) event like nearly getting t-boned on the highway would lead to her exploding and almost expelling Odile. Definitely a close one, and only adding to the growing thread of tension that she’s probably going to slip up somewhere.
And Dorien’s buddies are back! Aaand just as obnoxious as they were in the interlude chapter :V of course they’re racing on public roads, and of course they’ve got shit like Bugattis. And naturally, they’d be dining at a restaurant with prices set too high for the Commoners™ to dine at (like, wtf, 40 euro for lowest price on the menu transcends being expensive; at that point it’s an insult on a plate). All around savory crowd, I’d be noping out of that pretty quickly.
A nice, tension-building chapter, and releasing some of it with the scream brought it all to a head nicely
Chapter 20
Wow, now Odette has not just one but two people chiming in on her Super Secret Crush™ 😔 rotom-phone is kind of a privacy invasion now that I think about it, isn’t it? I wonder how many rotoms get into petty shit with their phone-users and decide to fuck things up, or get brought forward as witnesses/used for surveillance…
I guess this chapter is mostly about Odette talking with her mom, something that’s been lingering on the horizon but Odette’s been pointedly avoiding until now. There’s a lot of things in this chapter that she’s either avoiding or has been for a while – her crush on Valentin, Enora and Solise, her mom…
It was nice to finally get some closure on what happened when Florence and Vienna are together. Her description of him rings eerily close to what Odette and Dorien have going on. It makes me wonder what Vienna would think if she knew the entire truth of what Odette was going through currently (and maybe she does know a part of it – the false name seemed more like a deflection than a truth tbh).
I also loved that there was some closure on Odette and her struggles with her team! I was waiting for that to happen, and though the scene was short and sweet, it wasn’t disappointing – it’s one of the few scenes that hasn’t been resolved with a bunch of talking, and after everything that’s transpired these few chapters, that feels right for this scene. It does feel a lot like the conclusion of an arc – there are still questions, but most everything present has either been addressed or kind of tied up, and now there’s only the future to look to.
Overall:
Alright, we’re at the end! I confess my brain has kind of melted over several hours of this, so if things seem a bit patchy here and there, that’s why :V
I really enjoyed reading this, as usual – your writing is excellent and published book quality tbh, and your characters feel very vibrant and real. If I had to levy a criticism, the biggest one I have is length and pace – I feel like things tend to drag on, which can be great for slower scenes, but it also makes the pace of things drag. A lot of exposition happened in these chapters, and part of me wonders if there’s places where things could have been cut/combined/sheered down to size a bit. It would definitely help the unwieldy chapter lengths some too – it’s definitely hard to break them with how long single scenes can get, but despite them being good, it might be a sign that they go on a bit long at times.
On the whole, I’m interested to see where this goes, though – especially since from storycrafter prompts, I believe the alola gang will be involved in this at some point later on? (not sure how long this is going to be, admittedly) My biggest want for the future is to see things kick into higher gear a little – I feel like we’ve been in exposition mode for a while and pretty much all the answers/reactionary drama has played out now. If there’s a time to ratchet into things starting to happen, it’s sometime around now for sure.
Overall, lovely time, and I admire your writing and dialogue a lot! (I aspire to write characters and dynamics as real and fluid as yours) Until next time, and happy writing!
~SparklingEspeon
