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Catnip time! I've been intrigued by this fic for a while now, so I'm glad I got the chance to check it out for catnip! I've heard that it apparently involves some fakemon legendaries, a drug ring, and apparently Guzma's here? I read the prologue and the first two chapers, so let's get this started! Thoughts from the Prologue to Chapter 2
The prologue introduces us to Florent, who is an asshole and also a murderer. You also seem to be implying he might be a Galarian noble of some sort? You definitely sold me on his villainous nature, and if he's nobility then I can't help but wonder what the implications of that are.
The legendary fakemon of sin are an interesting hook here. You establish the basics of how they work well, and I find it interesting how they influence their owners, sometimes in a parasitic fashion (poor Armel!). The descrption of Gulattive also gives the impression of these things being somewhat eldritch in nature. I'm interested in seeing what the rest are like, especially Wrath, who Gulattive hints might be a threat to the rest of the sins and possibly Team Enigma as a whole.
After all that prep work, Florent just can't go through with killing a baby! You did well to establish beforehand that the possibility of leaving Odette alive was something going through his head. By establishing his impulsiveness as a side effect of his relationship to Gluttony, I felt that his decision here made sense even after he was so prepared to do it. And ending on the note of this potential relationship between the protagonist and a seemingly major antagonist makes for a great hook.
I glanced through the old prologue to get a sense of what changed, and after comparing the two I think you did a great job with the rewrite! They both establish mostly the same things, but the rewrite definitely seems to handle it's elements better, with its slower and more deliberate pace that gives them all room to breathe. In general the new prologue feels like a really good hook for the story that has me anticipating just what's in store for Odette here. Though I guess if there's one singular thing that I think I got from the old prologue, I do think it gave me a better idea of what Gulattive looks like. Which is weird to say when the descriptions are nearly identical, but I think it's the slight difference in the way cloak is described. For some reason the mention of specifically his head being covered made it harder for me to visualize, though in fairness maybe this is just a personal failing on my part.
The banter between the characters in this fic is really good! I really get the sense that these people are close friends, it feels very natural and it helps that this fic has a great sense of humor so far.
The wider plot with Team Enigma is established. I'm interested in seeing what's up ith this "sacrilege" drug: what it does, why all these people keep ODing on it, the link between it and shiny Pokémon, etc. I also can't help but wonder what Team Enigma has been doing for the past 22-23 years. If the sacrilege drug crisis is recent, then they must've been doing something all that time. There's also the question of what was stopping Florent from reaching Odette. And Armel should be in his late 20s by now, right? The timeskip leaves a lot of interesting questions, it seems!
Odette retrieved her phone from her pocket and flipped the screen back on, using it as a light to illuminate the note. She squinted through her thick-rimmed glasses to get a better look at it.
PAY ATTENTION!!!!!
If her frown could have gotten any deeper, it did. She shot her head up, her gaze zeroing in on the entrance to stage right, just across from her. She was entirely unsurprised to find Acadia, also decked out in her practice dance garb, standing in view with a stern glare plastered on her face.
The "Pay attention!" here is a little weird. I think it's because all the other times you used center text like this, it was for notes and stuff, not dialogue. So I found myself doing a double take at it.
So we learnt that Odette is dealing with trauma that's interfering with her ability to go on stage. She clearly has a passion for it, and I can tell that she wants to go back to the way things used to be. But it's turning out to be more difficult than she wishes it was. We also learn (or at least its heavily implied so far) that she lives with her mom, who's moving to Alola soon and taking Odette with her, which has the potential to complicate the plot considering what we know at this point. But like her friends said, the slower, more lackadaisical pace of Alola might be good for her (at least until the plot inevitably kicks down her front door).
The scene where we're introduced to Odette's team had me smiling the entire time. I love the way you used a humorous situation to establish the inter-party dynamics in a memorable way without having to explicitly say anything. The moment where Noel calms Odette down was great too and really demonstrates the depth of their friendship. This fic is just filled with fun dynamics, huh?
I enjoyed Chapter 2 quite a bit. It's pretty lowkey, and you use that space to establish some important things about Odette and her circumstances. It seems like she's being influenced by Venira, but the Wrath Pokémon hasn't manifested itself yet? So instead she deals with sudden bouts of anger without understanding why. We also learn about the incident that caused her trauma, which from what I gather was an attempted sexual assault by a teacher that, presumably due to Wrath, escalated to her killing him in self defense. Though it seems like there might still be more to that story, as it hasn't yet connected back to why Odette fears the stage now.
I didn't notice any typos or anything, and I also don't have any major complaints. Like I said, you have a lot of great character dynamics here, and I like your writing style, too. You do a great job of getting into your character's heads and communicating their feelings. The plot's barely started yet where I am right now, but I've had a lot of fun with this fic so far, and I hope to come back to this soon and continue reading and see what happens next. So until then!
Hi sind, this is your catnip review. I’d love to cover more than one chapter but I’m a bit short on time, so I’ll be covering chapter 5 and try to get back to reading more of this great fic sooner than next review blitz lol.
With a quick skim to remind myself of previous events out of the way. Let’s start with…. I’m sorry I’m still on the twister bit. I cracked up outloud. And it feels like yet another instance of characterizing the pokemon and making them stand on their own. The end of the chapter has a bit of that, too, with every member of her team having a different feeling about pursuing this new lead.
Speaking of the lead, the new information raises a lot of new questions. Is this possible informant for real? Are they a double agent of some sort? Are the police force corrupt? I guess I’ll have to read on to find out, because any of those options feel valid. I do get a bit of a feeling that there’s some degree of corruption within the force, though the question remains: is Odette’s grandpa involved?
Also, I got a kick out of the part where Odette downs her drink in one gulp sip. There’s a lot of nice little comedic moments in the background of this chapter, which serve as a nice little break from all the serious shit going down at the forefront. Namely, Odette and Noel’s decision to start digging deeper into the rotten things going on. I personally think, given how dark the main plot is, these little moments are nice little micro breathers.
But yeah, I think that’s about all I have to say. It was a relatively short chapter, but it still served the plot. And like I said, hopefully it won’t take me a whole year to get to chapter 6.
Hey hi remember that time we did a review exchange a WHOLE YEAR AGO? And how it took me until now to finally do the dang exchange? Better late than never, right? 😂
Aight, I’m kind of experimenting with my review style here, so bear with me if it’s a little wonky. I’m gonna react to some line-by-lines first, and then I’ll give an overview of my thoughts afterwards!
The week had gone by in a blur. A blur of excessive note-taking, staying up until the wee hours of the morning wasting away at computer screens, and a series of pleasant thoughts of Clovis smiling at her.
For now, she decided to dedicate her working brain function to deciphering her findings again while trying to ward off the intrusive thoughts that ran laps in her mind whenever Clovis’s name crossed her vision.
She wondered if her grandfather got worked up whenever he had to research a lead. Daydreamed about them, thought a lot about how pretty their eyes were, and--
Hahahaha omg she is down BAD. She is down SO BAD. I love it. I especially find her annoyance with herself highly amusing, because she KNOWS she’s letting her hornybrain get in the way and she’s pissed about it. As an aspec individual, I can’t quite say that I relate, but is it still hilarious? Yes. 😂
She didn't really understand what any of that meant because her brain could compute fuck all regarding numbers and business talk, but she supposed it was impressive.
Big same tbh. Chris will tell me about his stats work projects all the time, and even when he tries to explain it to me in simple terms, it still flies right over my head. Bless his heart for trying tho haha
Was it like her case, where she was good at switching faces for a given situation? Or, on a scarier thought, he was more like Dorien? That wasn’t something she initially considered, but it was a possibility, as much as she detested it. She didn’t need another raging psycho in her life, especially one so pretty.
Hahahaha that last line. But in all seriousness, props to her for approaching with caution and not throwing it all to the wind just because “OMG HE’S HOT” like so many female protags do in media nowadays. Glad she’s at least aware of how dangerous anybody at these events is capable of being.
With another roll of her eyes, Odette sighed. “So why did you need Bernadette from choir to let you take home an old book because the copy machine wasn’t working?”
I’m not sure I get it. What does the copy machine not working have to do with Noel getting a special privilege? Maybe I’m just dumb but this one flew over my head lol
Noel nodded in understanding, holding his hands up defensively. "I get you, and that's promising. I trust your intuition, but I'm just trying to play it safe."
And he was right to be doing so. She knew that deep down.
"I'm watching out for you this time. The chances might be slim, but I want to be careful. And even if he isn't that bad, if he is with Virtue Corp, we don't know their overall alignment."
She sighed slowly and heavily, keeping her eyes trained on him as she brought herself back up. She couldn't fault him. As much as she was trying not to let her crush cloud her judgment, that seemed to be happening, gut feelings or not.
"I know. And you're right," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm just...trying to cover the bases myself."
On one hand, part of me thinks Odette shouldn’t dismiss Clovis too quickly—she barely knows him at all, so for all she knows she could only be picking up on the vibes he is deliberately intending to give—but on the other hand, there is something to be said about following your gut instinct, as well. I think you strike that balance pretty well here, especially by having Noel reiterate that he’s just looking out for her, and having Odette agree that he has a good point and promising to be careful.
There is SO much to unpack in that sentence, good gravy. It’s pretty clear what that implies, but I don’t want to imagine the nitty gritty details of how exactly all of that…works. Horrifying.
Before Odette knew it, various numbers were being screamed at her, monetary amounts she never thought she'd have directed at her in her lifetime. Women raised their comically tiny parasols, and the men tipped their bowler hats and waved their decorative canes. The commotion caused a sense of panic to swell within her, and she was suddenly conflicted about what to do. She needed to stand her ground but didn't want to subject Enora to the horror. Odette wanted to pick her up, run, and never look back.
Aaahhh this was so distressing!! In fact, for a hot second I wondered if maybe this was actually a nightmare scene—but nope! It was real! Gosh my heart broke for poor Enora here. How terrifying.
Good job, you made my skin CRAWL with this sequence of dialogue, I hate everything so much and I need someone to kick Dorien in the teeth as soon as possible, please and thanks.
“This pretty thing”?? BRUH. Somebody yeet this slime ball into a volcano.
Actually on second thought, don’t do that. The resulting fumes would be detrimental to the environment.
Also, there’s an extra comma here. I think it might read a bit better as: “Hearing the word ‘wife’ fall out of Dorien’s mouth, particularly regarding her, unearthed feelings in her stomach that couldn’t be adequately described.”
Ah yes, because she and Solene “got drunk” the last time they were with Dorien. Gosh that was so freaking creepy. I hope she catches on to that quick before he starts resorting to that method regularly.
The man gestured to them, and the minun shook its head. The woman spoke, and they both shook their heads at that time. The man rolled his eyes, and the woman handed him a pokeball. He called the minun back into the ball, pocketed it as he waved to the woman, then turned and walked off as if he'd just bought a jug of milk. The plusle began to hobble after the man before it was also called back to its ball by the woman.
I have to ask: what is keeping the Pokémon from revolting against their “owners”? They’re the ones with supernatural powers, after all. Why don’t they just attack and escape? Is there something at play that is keeping them submissive? I’m also wondering why nobody else in the narrative is puzzled by this.
It had to have something to do with the drugs yet, but they weren't sure what. But Odette was essentially asking Enora to play the part of one of those trafficked Pokemon so that she could get answers.
This was only exacerbated by the fact that Enora had been there when that happened. Her entire team had, save for Loïc. They'd watched her deteriorate under the trauma, both from the things he did to her and the one thing she did back that caused the news stories, the rumors, the fucking lawsuit…
I had to reread this passage because the second paragraph initially reads like it’s talking about Enora instead of Odette at first. It also wasn’t immediately clear what it was referring to when it said “when that happened.”
It should be an easy thing to change, though! For example:
“This was only exacerbated by the fact that Enora had been there when…that happened. Odette’s entire team had, except for Loïc.”
Odette was asking Enora--and her entire team--to put themselves in a situation where they might watch her get hurt again. Fuck, they might get hurt. Especially Enora.
While I understand this would be very distressing for Enora to see Odette throw herself into danger again, I did find it slightly odd that concern for Enora’s safety was placed second here, given her whole history. But I guess we don’t know exactly what her history is just yet. Does Odette know? Does she know if Enora has had brushes with this crowd before, with this fate? And if so, I feel like that should be the first thing in mind when thinking about Enora, because it’s bringing her right back to the source of a very traumatic thing for her. Obviously, if Odette doesn’t know, then it makes sense that she wouldn’t think to consider this. That said, the fact that Enora refused to weigh in on any of this at all in the beginning should also be a clue that this is triggering for her. I just found it a little odd that the focus was more on “oh they don’t want to see me hurt” over “oh this is very close to home for her and might bring up old trauma.”
He exhaled sharply, eyes momentarily bugging out of his head in a state of disbelief. But, a sense of...understanding seemed to pass through them.
"I respect the nerve to ask. But rest assured, I wouldn't dream of being so," he paused briefly, trying to find the right word, "disgusting. If there's one thing I can promise you, it's that."
Hahaha I love how straightforward both of them are. I appreciate the communication here, honestly, and Clovis’s initial reaction to Enora makes complete sense.
I’m a little surprised that Odette simply took his word for it, though—perhaps she was able to discern that he wasn’t lying, and that’s why she accepts it, but it wasn’t immediately clear to me. After all, nobody is just going to say “ah yep I’m a predator!” when being asked point blank. So some elaboration on why she takes his word for it would be helpful here, I think!
In a small shadowy wave, his hands manifested. He reached one under his cloak and withdrew none other than the MIA kitchen phone. Odette took one look at it, then glared at him.
The best gremlin snotwad that ever lived, and we love him for it. 😂
Whew! Man, this was a batch of three chapters that were all VERY different from each other, which made it an entertaining read! There’s a WHOLE lot to unpack from chapter 9 in particular, and chapter 10 was a lovely snippet of some slice-of-life action—which you really really excel at, by the way! Every character’s personality shines through in their dialogue, their body language and mannerisms, and so on. And the whole sleuthing/mystery vibes of the story so far are fantastic. It really does make me feel like I’m living through a game of Clue when I read! And I appreciate that the stakes are fairly clear and aren’t casually disregarded in favor of humor or whatever—instead, you strike that balance of humor and darkness and intensity quite well!
Last but not least, the debut of my favorite tumbleweed was fantastic, a lot sooner than I expected it to be, and I can’t wait for her to reveal herself to Odette fully! THAT is bound to be a Time, I am sure.
So it seems a lot of significant changes have been made since last time I read! I basically reread the new prologue and chapters 1-8 to catchup to where I am now.
The new prologue is completely different I see. I will admit, I am of two minds. I honestly enjoyed the first one a lot with the ship, though it was certainly a bit edgy I guess. I like the moving action of the first one, things happening, and chaos and feeling thrust in media res, as they say. I found it effective and mysterious, but dropped enough breadcrumbs to reveal core aspects. Teased the blood legendaries and villains and such and the world.
The new prologue is also very solid. However, its much quieter and slower. Not that thats a bad thing!
The new one dives deeper into Florence as a character, and we get a ton of extra exposition and insight into his mind. He's presented here as quite a bit less edgy that the first one, since we get to see him in a more neutral setting. He's utterly wicked and yet even in his wickedness you can see there's more to him than just Edgy Bad Man. In some sick twisted way, he care for Armel and Odette, to the point where he wouldn't kill her. I think Florence is much more nuanced as a character in this version.
However... I did find myself weirdly thinking that the prologue felt a bit... conflicted? This prologue's first half is mainly Florence walking around and thought expositing for a bit as he basically tells the audience about Vienna and the things he did and his organization. I don't know that this is bad, since at the end of the day all stories are just that in a way. On a personal level, I felt sightly less engaged by the first half of your new prologue, and my main interest was derived from seeing Florence in a new light purely because I'd already met him.
I did very enjoy the second half though in particular, I think it was more active.
I won't say this is in any way objective, especially since I was having to read quickly, I think its more personal. My thought is wondering if there's a way to fuse the two? The action and movement of the original contrasted with Florence being unexpectedly not a 1 dimensional edgelord in the second? Though to be clear I don't want you to think that your prologue is bad, I'm just voicing vibes on how it felt to me, so honestly if it vibes with you thats cool.
Anyways, onto the rest of the story! I might as well try and review them, since I did reread them and with my delightfully terrible memory its like a new story?
Chapters 1 - 8 follow Odette and her friend Noel as they meet and slowly find themselves embroiled in this dark underworld of Kalos as they try to help Odette's grandpa by investigating sacriledge and Team Enigma and the shiny trade. The first bit of the story introduces all these key players excellently. I particularly commend, as I mentioned, Odette's team and your pokemon worldbuilding. I think the way you write it here is very good. They feel very unique and easily different, and their colorful personalities makes every character stand out so much. Plus its very clear pokemon are as always, equal partners who enjoy working and being alongside humans.
The 'coming home from theatre to find them all in chaos from playing Monopoly is just hilarious and fitting.
Then Odette runs into her old flame Dorien and goes from attracted to disgusted quickly once she remembers why she stopped hanging out with him. Things get freaky in her battle which leads to Odette visiting her grandpa, and everything is uphill (downhill?) from there. Her fears over everything happening in Kalos escalates and she gets in what I am sure will be, way way over her head.
First example of course being that she gets drugged by Dorien and doesn't even realize it. Disturbing and horrifying to say the least. Also that is some powerful stuff. It wasn't until later, but I see now based on hints of context clues in 9 that the drug helped convince her that she really had gotten drunk and made her feel normal about that. Creepy.
Dorien is ever the irredeemable, psycopathic scumbag that is so easy to hate. I just know he's going nowhere but down lol.
The part I think I enjoy about this early set of chapters is the pacing. The plot moves along easily and effortlessly, and while I can't remember the old version enough to compare, I can confirm that this version feels very easy to follow. The characters behave in ways I am able to follow and feel realistic for their established traits. Despite running alongside some tropes (gay best friend for Noel, Strong Female for Odette, gruff protective Grandpa etc, the way everyone is written so far feels like they go beyond just a one dimensional trope.
Odette's decision to get involved, as well as her pokemon too (minus Enora) feels believable, even if its risky and kind of crazy. I can easily buy how in the world of pokemon, people would also be more driven to get into things (Noel even references the police asking trainers for help), alongside fear for her grandfather and Enora. Odette is not only nosy (bet thats from her Grandpa, heh) but has a strong sense of justice. And Odette's later interactions with Enora are lovely, as she learns to communicate openly and honestly with her friend. Delightful dynamic.
There never really feels like any wasted space in these chapters, and all the characters are active participants, with a lovely push and pull between everyone making their own moves. I said this before, but particular favor goes to Odette's grandpa for being the best grandpa ever, please only give him good things!!!
I also like the mix of players so far, no one feels arbitrary. There's decent rich people, evil ones, and people are bad for being bad, not just for surface level traits but for their own reasons. You also blend together all your worldbuilding in a very pleasant way. It's clear a lot of your world takes are quite a bit different from the pokemon world in the games or anime. Yet you never linger too long or unnecessarily exposit, instead adding details as they become relevant. Normally I'm not huge on pokemon worlds that resemble our own too much, but I think you hit a good balance - its a lot more grounded feeling than say, the anime, but it also doesn't feel like our world carbon copy pasted; especially in its issues, but feels more like its similar issues in a new setting.
That covers most of my thoughts of 1-8, and I think thats maybe where I stopped before, so I'm gonna go ahead and hit 9, and hopefully later go beyond 9 for our exchange.
Chapter 9
I know this chapter is long but it really earns its length. It definitely cannot really be split honestly, given the whole thing feels in itself like a mini arc. The Garden Party arc. And what a ride it is. It starts with putting up with more Dorien, only to escalate to shiny bidding (gross), and then the appearance of yet another one of those freaky blood-type pokemon? I cannot wait to see what their connection is to shinies. Like the book Noel read references one line about them, so clearly shinies in this world are not just weird colors, but there's more going on.
So what are shinies? Why can they apparently host a blood-type creature? What are blood types? Are they like the lesser demons in comparison to the Seven Sins? A genetic mutation or perhaps created even by the Seven themselfs for some ancient ritual? My guess for now is the shinies are shiny because of blood types, not that blood types are simply hostable by them.
Something I mentioned once before but I'll bring up again here is that I enjoy how grounded in Odette's POV your prose is. Everything is flavored by her views, and it really helps me get in her head. Its something I'm working on myself so its great to read.
Snapped seems like a harsher worrd here than maybe she's meant to have said it? Maybe 'retorted' or quipped? It felt a bit odd to think of her snapping at Noel, unless maybe she's letting her irritation bleed through.
So at first I was like "Wow Odette your memory is trash" but then I remembered: A) my memory sucks, and B)Trauma affects memory.
Between being a host to Venira, and her assault and a bunch of other stuff, I bet things are bit fuzzy.
And he was telling her about things he knew about the wealthy, perhaps things he probably shouldn't have told a stranger such as herself…
Gods, was that flirting? Maybe it wasn't shocking she'd forgotten being asked out twice, this was clearly not her forte. And for all she knew, he was a part of a villainous organization...
Fun fact, i read somewhere that when they did a study on flirting, basically no one knows what it is. Nobody in the study could identify when they were being flirted with lol.
Flirting is a mystery. Also relatable, people have definitely done this to me and I'm like :riowat: bc I thought I was just talking or being sarcastic.
This is why you go analog Odette, smh. Idk if you've seen Nope the movie but I was reminded of that tbh. I wonder how they block camera stuff though? Can't be electromagnets, so is it weird hacking, or a virus or what? Is it caused by the blood-types presence or did Dorien think ahead about these parties? Hmmmmm
I wonder, do the Seven pick up language and attitude based on their hosts or the respective time period? She does not talk like an ancient being (which is fine), so maybe she just likes modern slang...
:{{{{{ I wanted the Gyarados to live.... 0/10. :( (/j). I did hoped she would be able to save it though. It always make me sad when someone tries to interfere but doesn't get there in time.
Also WHEW what a chapter! A ton of big things happened. Shiny auctions, Dorien being worse and worse, another blood-pokemon, her talk with Clovis and then Venira's first appearance.
Also collapsing whump, which is always a delight. Two collapsing whumps on top of each other? Yes good feed me. Also I loved how quick to act Noel was and how prompt Clovis was in acting.
Solene was at her heels, grasping the handle of a wooden spoon, which happened to be in Isaur’s mouth. As they stopped, Solene glared at Isaur as she wiggled the spoon. The froslass didn’t budge.
"Blood-type?" she mouthed, hoping that would commit the term to her wavering memory. What the hell did that mean? What even was her blood type? She hadn't bothered visiting the doctor for a while before her recent episode and that wasn't something she bothered to commit to memory. O something, maybe...
“I’m not one of ‘us,’ Bernard. We talked about this. I just got a little too...overzealous talking to her.” The annoyance was clear-cut behind his words. “I fucked up."
I just love her Grandpa a lot. Idk I guess I just enjoy characters being protective, its nice.
This chapter was exceedingly short, but once again stuffed to the brim with twists. It's like a nice stuffed mushroom, idk.
I have only extremely vague memories of the old version of this chapter, but I think this version is better? I vaguely think the old version of the conversation she overheard was much vaguer and less complete, but this felt a lot more cohesive and understandable. And arguably natural, given they don't expect anyone to listen in I guess.
My understanding so far is Clovis is working for Virtue Corp, undercover, to investigate this whole thing, and knows about blood-types. Bernard is working intandem with him on the DL. This possibly means Virtue Corps are good guys, contrary to my previous belief about them fronting as good guys to ward off the police.
I know Odette and her conversation with Clovis is near on the horizon, so i can't wait to see how that goes. It's nice to know that Clovis apparently plans to try and tell her the truth!
Also yes, please give Loic allll the pecha berries for this.
Eleven is a pretty simple chapter, kind of a breather after all the big reveals lately, and nothing huge happens. Which is honestly good cause big things are comin. We glimpse Odette trying to play at normalcy and focus on her job, and we see her and Noel trying to come to terms with everything that happened. The two of them have decided its best not to tell Acadia or any of their other friends which honestly makes sense. This mystery is no childs play and Acadia doesn't seem like the type who needs to know, to be honest.
I also like the further characterization from Noel, clearly this situation isn't just bothering Odette but its taking a toll on him. I can't imagine how challenging it would be to have to keep this from everyone, especially for someone social.
Agne was pleasntly amusing in this chapter, and I enjoy Odette having different partners with her each day at the theatre. Gives them a chance to shine.
And then.... we get more delightful Dorien being a creep. Classic hints of the red flag abuse cycle. Everything is fine>Gets mad>Lashes out> pacifies and preens to make up for it>Repeat. Such a slimeball. He needs help but he certainly won't take it and I can't see him changing anytime lol. Nobody can fix him, too far gone.
Its such a false attempt at a gesture to apologize because it feels more about him showing off than trying to recognize why what he did was wrong and make steps to change. Going through the motions of an apology. Clovis little text felt more sincere, heh.
Odette being deeply torn over whether or not to add an emote is hilariously relatable. I feel you girl.
In thinking about that, he was certain that that might be more effective in getting Venira to rear her head than he had been doing. Just getting aggressive in battle or talking her ear off about touchy subjects wasn't enough, and the latter had even cost him some of his Vice Dust. Only the first-degree strain, but it was a loss nonetheless. He really needed to watch how much he used on her. She'd taken enough of it as it was.
OooOOOOOOOO I GET IT NOW. He wanted to provoke her to get Venira to emerge. I wonder what he expected to happen after, even if he succeeded though. They were in a crowded restaurant, so even if Venira did emerge, what would he do? Can he recapture her somehow? Sever Odette's bond with her?
Also YIKES? Now I know what that stuff is called, and that he's used it on her even way before that?
Perhaps he could hit her just once. Release some tension and maybe, just maybe, lure Venira out. Kill two birds with one stone. Besides, a smack wouldn’t break skin. It would just leave a welt; one that would most likely heal in a day as long as he was careful with how hard he went for it. It wouldn’t be that awful, right?
It wasn’t certain, and probably a result of his high, but the prospects of it were enough to make Dorien wary. Mr. Lambourne switched moods at the drop of a hat--because he could--and that had to have crossed his mind once or twice. Especially after Dorien recklessly used his third-degree Vice Dust on Odette at the graduation party...and Mr. Lambourne didn't forget things like that. Even if it did work in their favor, it still had to be in the back of his mind.
He... oh my gosh is this why Odette keeps having memory gaps and weirdness???
Is that why she forgot he was in the shiny trade at first!?! That actually explains it way better because there's several things she seemingly forgot.Also massive uh oh oh no
What the fuck was it about that heir to the LeClair fortune that drew everyone to him like a magnet? There was their entire social circle and even Mr. Lambourne himself.
Why does everyone bother with him when I’m already here? he thought.
This whole chapter made my skin crawl. Dorien is such a scummy guy, and full to the brim with so much envy. I guess I can't be surprised, lol, he is the title holder for Envy I guess, aka Inviderus. But wow. Everything he does is fueled by so much Envy. He's fallen so hard into it, he just needs to have it all. Not only is he a freaky stalker, but basically a fullblown psycopath or what not.
He's just can't stand the idea of anyone drawing mroe attention than him, having more money, or being more successful. Even in the above quote, its like DUDE. Maybe everyone likes Clovis cause he's not a raging jerkface who can only keep people attentive because he hands out drugs?
I already hated Dorien but now I need him dead tbh. Can Venira please just bite his head off?
You did a good job really selling Dorien's absolute trash.... actually no I don't want insult garbage like that but wow.
Also everyone in this chapter is so detestable, except Clovis, though he plays a good part pretending. Also is that hints of Clovis messing around with drugs I see? Yikes.
Some of this chapter feels vaguely familiar, but some of it isn't. I suspect I might have started reading it and never finished. Anyways amongst the completely despicable behaviour there's clues of intriguing worldbuilding.
Dorien sees himself as Florents mentee, and seems to kind of adore him and want all his attention. Oof. Ew.
Sin holders react stronger to sacriledge, and it seems like sacriledge is somehow produced based on each of the sins, and has corresponding flavors and effects. Intriguing! I feel like maybe one of Dorien's pokemon took Sloth before one of the matches with Odette, if he seemed so out of it...
Clovis also apparently is a regular customer of Dorien, and Dorien is a big drug runner for Florence. Probably makes tons of money. Also Florent has apparnetly explicitly forbbiden Dorien from harming Odette, unsurprisingly.
And they are after Venira....
So much ickyness in this chapter.... I hate Dorien, did i mention that lol?
“Yeah, yeah, don’t give me that look,” Noel snapped as Braviary hovered in front of him, sending him something of an unamused glare. “I just figured with the possibility of rain, you would have rather been in the damn ball.”
I think its frankly unfair that humans can't fit into a ball. Pokemon get to go into a ball during bad weather while humans brave it so why not vice versa! Braviary ought to put Noel into a ball when weather is bad! (/j).
I actually love this little interaction. Very amusing and nice.
“Braaaayveeee,” Braviary chirped in agreement from his perch on Noel’s gloved arm. As the bird spoke, Odette reached into the side pocket of her backpack and grasped Isaur’s ball.
Aren't Braviary gigantic? Unless his is freakishly small I can't see them as small enought to fit on someones hand? Or I guess I am just overestimating its size...? Like Hisuin braviary is Beegg and I can't imagine his Unovan counterpart is that much smaller? Very jarred by this.
At another point, a young girl, no older than 10, rushed up to Clovis excitedly with her smoochum in tow. He was quick to kneel down to the girl’s height.
“Val, Val!” she said breathlessly. “I got my triple today! I did it! And Smoochum got her sit spin!”
Clovis gasped excitedly and held his hands up for the girl and Smoochum to high-five. “That’s fantastic, guys. Keep practicing, and I’ll come to watch you two later.”
Was that his natural eye color? Or were they contacts? Or were the blue hues she’d met him with the fake ones? Regardless, it all worked on him because, of course, everything about him just worked. Still, it was exciting to be able to see this new side of him. That meant he trusted them, right? And trust was the foundation for a friendship, and perhaps something more than—
The long awaited meeting and reveal is finally here! I knew beforehand ofc that Clovis was actually Val but I did not know that apparently Clovis used to be a real person who... I guess he must have killed himself and Virtue Corp helped Val assume his identity? And J.L. is Valentine's dad...
I wonder what Val meant by saying he's the bitter son? Is that part of the act? so many QUESTIONS but I probably won't have time to finish proper before blitz ends.
This chapter was fun because we get to see Clovis- er, Val, really drop his full mask... man that has to be hard, living one life as Clovis and the other as Val at the ice rink???
Wait does this mean... if he's not a Le Claire.... he's not a heir billionaire? is JL rich? QUESTIONS QUESTIONS.
But yeah, it was cool to see Clovis when he's not forced to put up some kind of front. Poor thing seems exhausted.
Extremely twisty, but in a way that makes sense so far. Honestly you are handling the mystery elements very well, everyone feels like their own character acting in a way that tracks for them, like I said.
I think one of my favorite parts of this story yet is the way you incoporate pokemon characters. They feel just as much like active participants in this story and characters making their own decisions and having opinions. I like how they feel a part of each scene, even though they're not always the focal point, and they always feel very alive. They affect the narrative too and are quite a pleasant read.
Im so mald I have to stop right in the middle of part 1 but you can bet I'll be reading part 2 soon (assuming uh. My brain doesn't immediately forget.)
Everything up until this point has honestly felt solid and well thought out! Quite curious to see where all these mysteries will lead, what will be revealed and particularly, how will they deal with all this before Odette moves to Alola??? Pressure is on!
Recap thoughts: A new prologue? That or I only read the old one… either way, I really like them as a complement to each other. Sets up Florent as some clear kind of big bad, albeit one who’s going to have a paternal view of Odette. I really love your writing style and it’s clear you put a huge amount of effort into polishing this as well as it is.
That’s one thing I’m noticing in the early going. You’re very good at delivering several sets of information in a hurry, without it seeming like you’re infodumping walls of text down my throat. I suuuuck at that, so it’s some good tips for my own writing.
The battle between Odette/Dorien seems better than I remember it being. Good choreography and good pacing, although it hews a little close to gamey mechanics at times. (This is also a personal thing, but I detest trainers ordering their pokemon to dodge). Altogether though, it’s good enough and it definitely works to showcase how something is clearly very wrong with Dorien. I do think part of my original issue was reading it on 2 hours sleep. It definitely isn’t bad, not weightless.
Honestly, her mother and her have a somewhat similar dynamic to Vienna and Odette. It’s a funny comparison, they have the “they’re sisters” thing all the time.
I really do hope that Odette doesn’t forget all that shit forever. Or that Dorien fucks up again and gets decked somewhat soon. It’s a very fun story development for you as a writer (even if as a reader, is hella frustrating).
One thing that I consider myself not great at, is scene-setting. It’s a conscious effort for me to set my scenes and more often than not, I still feel like I haven’t set the scene in the way it deserves. The fancy dinner was set up gloriously. Every single line seemed to bring us more detail and make me more and more unsettled.
I hadn’t noticed this yet, but you perfectly use italics to emphasize certain words. I wasn’t even consciously noticing any of them, but it’s so effective because your brain picks up on them and emphasizes the word while you read.
The scene does get slightly repetitive as you go through another set of introductions, but I think that helps with the uncomfortable feeling of the atmosphere of the scene. I do like you showing how out of place Odette feels among these people, even if she isn’t showing it outwardly. The repetitiveness does disappear as the dinner begins though, it just was a semi-awkward transition to it.
That's fair and I get why, it's a lot of repeated introductions that keep playing out and gets a little clunky. I think it serves its purpose because that was the INTENTION, but I can see why it'd read awk.
Your whole “romance in training” spiel really really got my own gears turning about romance in training. It kind of seems odd that Odette would have not put thought into this, but I guess her past excuses her.
Ahem, I’ve composed myself. That was a fantastic fucking turn. I did not expect this, I was expecting some kind of creepy speech or something creepy from Dorien, but bloody fucking smoke monsters?!?!? You need to write some sort of supernatural crime thriller Sind, this is your JAM.
Ah, she shoves the feelings down… that’s possibly another reason that we haven’t seen her horny yet. She’s been obsessed with control and getting horny would be the very essence of not in control. It’s that or she’s dealing with SA trauma and finally getting over it (exposure therapy to hot guys? Is that insensitive or slightly valid?).
It's a big mix of tunnel vision and not having time/energy to focus on horniess, and her trying to cope and move past her SA. I don't personally think its insensitive, because SA victims cope by either closing off sexually or becoming more sexually open, and I think Odette's story is gonna air more on the side of becoming more open, with some caution.
Your “Q and A speculation” scene was excellent. I know I keep telling you what kind of story you should write, but some kind of supernatural crime thriller would be up your alley. If you listen to me, you also have like 4 different story genres that would be up your alley though.
The one thing that yanked me out was ”rich people scrubbing the internet” bit. That’s… uh… not possible really. The internet never really forgets. I guess the rich have even more power in this world (scary thought there).
I’ve always thought the “parasols and hats” thing to be very weird. I love that Odette seems to echo my own thoughts fairly often too, she’s very relatable.
I really really like as well how you have Odette take a moment and check in with Enora when shit got bad. Most fics would not have had that interaction there, and this is something that sets it apart from the vast majority of fics. Odette truly cares, so much that it’s not just a “I love my pokemon” throwaway. It’s really really touching to have Odette make sure that Enora is ok and then have Enora check back in with Odette herself. Great little interaction here.
I do like that you didn’t hang the “is he a bad guy or good guy” over the entire chapter. You resolved it quickly and while you didn’t make it 100% clear that he’s not bad, you resolved that plot thread relatively quickly.
I’m calling it here, Venira (I think I remember you using that name on discord, and it was in the prologue) is likely the cause of her health issues. This ghost/blood/smoke pokemon is the reason she’s angry and so small and going through so much shit. Makes me wonder if it’s also the cause of her apparent amnesia regarding high school (or if that’s related to Dorien’s forget-this dust). Getting the theorycrafting gears turning here.
More about Virtue Corp, our yet unexplained good/bad guy group. I think they’re still the good guys from this, maybe some sort of secret spy organization? Idk, they sound almost like some kind of covert organization what with Clovis mentioning their eyes and ears. Maybe hunting Florent, given that Clovis had spoken Galaran to Odette. It could fit, but it makes me wonder if Clovis is actually a part of that fancy family since his history doesn’t seem to add up properly and idk why some rich kid would get into helping out a lowly police chief, even if it is Lumiose’ police chief.
Odette seems oddly out of it. I mean, yeah she’s tired and frustrated, but the narrative seems to focus on her slip ups a lot in this chapter. I guess the takeaway is that she’s been up late with Noel trying to figure this out but if it’s been a week with nothing, I’d expect her to get some proper sleep.
Well it was meant to show that it's taking up so much of her brain space that she's fucking up at work, so that was definitely the point. It's taking a toll.
I can see what Lust might do, but the others really don’t strike me immediately. Does pride make you feel good about yourself? Gluttony make you hungry?
“I’m gonna try to sleep with my (probable) half sister, then get pissed off cuz she won’t put out so I’ll just cheat on her and it’s ok cuz I’m still thinking of her”
Clovis seems… like he’s made a mistake here by spilling the wine and knowing anything about Odette. Dorien appears to both know that something is off about him and know that he’s got the hots for Odette (seems to be a trend around here and “short with a nice ass” is admittedly my type as well, so I see the appeal). It just seems like a bit of an unforced error on Clovis’ part. Maybe the horny is gone to his head as well? Could explain the outburst from the wine.
I will say Clovis is.....far more on top of what's happening here than you probably realize. And yeah I'm trying to find the balance of "her highschool lovers were fighting over her" without it teetering into "everyone is obsessed with Odette" territory. But, she is the chosen one here so everyone wants a piece LOL
One thing I will say (from experience knowing a drug dealer) is that HOLY SHIT CLOVIS YOU LOOK SO HEATSCORE. He is very obviously pushing at meeting the big boss too hard and imo, Dorien probably would have picked up on that and been suspicious rather than envious (unless Envy is fucking with his head and he is admittedly high af). I just… I feel like Clovis would know he has to be smarter than that and he’s way too forward about it.
YYEEAAAAAAAHHHHH this was meant to show him trying to finesse his way into meeting Florent but yeah, Dorien would have gotten more sus with just how sus he already IS of Clovis, so....cut. Thank you!
I do like that I picked up on Odette not feeling things like this until the story started and her emotions started coming out to play. Makes me feel smarter for picking up on that.
Ok, now you are trying to make me like Clovis too. Gorgeous as fuck, with the prose practically dripping off him, AND HE OWNS AN ICE RINK? Sind, he sounds like a catch. And Guzma is supposed to be a hotter catch than this?
That is definitely an implication. Every single shiny is harbouring a blood mon… I’m betting that we see whatever the hell is hiding inside Enora at some point. Also, that’s 1000000000% why Odette has her health issues and I WAS FUCKING RIGHT.
What I definitely did not expect, was you going in so hard on “Odette is the bad guy’s kid” yet. I thought that would be saved for a later dramatic moment. I like it though, it fits with your style of “answer a question and provide 3 more”. You’ve done such a great job with this story and all the twisty turns that I’m hard pressed to come up with any real criticisms at all (outside of being frustrated it isn’t complete).
It's funny cuz.....I wasn't either tbh. It just happened while I was writing the chapter. I wasn't intended to drop that bit until NEXT chapter but the way things played out, there was no way Odette wasn't going to start putting things together which meant there was no reason for Clovis to hide that from her (cuz it'd make him look even worse) so thar it is.
I can't decide if I think Dorien notices when people hate him? He'd have to be pretty dense to not pick up on the metric truckload of hints, but then, maybe he just literally doesn't care? Or he just craves attention and doesn't care what kind? Or he likes forcing people to tolerate him/feels a sort of control from it? Speaking of control, I love the focus that Odette puts on her being in control of the situation when she's play-acting as Dorien's date.
And here we are with the blood-types finally. Although I gotta say, I think that being already familiar with Venira from AQ is making me have a harder time figuring out what's going on here. Venira was powered up by O's blood. And indeed, we see these blood Pokemon get powered up by their trainers' blood. But then what the heck do the shinies have to do with it?? They're constantly exhausted, which makes it seem like they're being used to power up the blood-types (and regular Pokemon can't do it...?), but we very clearly see them get powered up by the trainers and--gah! I'll just have to keep going to find out. xD
Shinies apparently spawning blood-types is still wild to me. Odette has Venira and she's a legendary, and I never got the impression that Enora had anything to do with their bond whatsoever. Unless you kept it super under wraps even through AQ lmao. The blood types they saw at the party appeared when the humans cut themselves, not the Pokemon. The Pokemon seemed totally irrelevant. But they were tired, like they'd been forced to do something, just something other than powering up the blood-types. I feel like I may be stupid.
And then HERE WE GO VENIRA FINALLY. Except she's hasn't fully shown herself so O doesn't know about her yet. You teeaaaseeeee. I can't believe they don't meet for so long! [Says this when their fic's human-legend pairing doesn't happen until chapter thirty-freaking-six.]
And then we get that brief moment of Dorien not being oblivious! He knows damn well what is up with Venira and isn't even trying to hide it (which makes me further suspect that his oblivious air could at least partially be an act of his own, maybe???)
That being said, I do think it's a pretty good chapter overall? Noel is a lot of fun in this one for his natural ability to just fuck around with people and filter through juicy gossip; similarly, I think there is a good enough hook in Clovis being an interesting and slightly odd guy who Odette falls in love with immediately. Enough is presented to make the reader want to know what his whole deal is, especially given Odette's strong belief that he is a good guy (perhaps related, he is also very hot) contrasted with the depravity of the thing they are investigating. There is also his whole deal with Dorien. Much to consider here!
yeah that chapter is definitely one of the banes of my existence, because there's so much happening, it's so long, it gets so repetitive, and yet I don't even know what I could cut because it's all important in some aspect. So. I guess it just remains as a hot/cold piece LOL
- The prose remains solid! I think it's at its strongest in the prologue because Florent (like Dorien) is just a fascinatingly terrible guy whose worldview is just so depraved that you cannot quite look away. Yet you have a good knack for conveying people just absolutely seething and malding at each other; Odette's observations about the world around her tend to be pretty enlightening, and I do like the feeling we get of being privy to her jabs at those around her. Particularly Dorien. He's a good heel for this part of the story.
This again captures something more complex that I don't recall being there in the first prologue, and it's very welcome. He is the most skeevy possible guy, yes; his definition of love as it pertains to his daughter involves using her as an asset and as a partner of Venira, and she is only useful insofar as she is his, and this is all an extension of the same misogyny that harbours his active hatred of Vienna and his views on all women as tools. (Would be funny if this proved to be his undoing someday, wouldn't it?) At the same time, though, there is something recognisably human here! He is briefly overwhelmed by this feeling of genuine fondness for Odette and sees her as his little infant in need of protection who could one day enjoy the same things that he does. Of course, this also involves taking absolute control over her life, which — knowing Odette — she would loathe; one could easily chalk this warmth towards her as his response to seeing a newborn who is an extension of himself. It is also possible that he has some parental trauma of his own, considering also his brief pondering of Vienna's parents as they fit into her life. Much to consider. Very good stuff.
I also like this whole bit a lot; it captures very succinctly that tension you find with your fellow performers. Yes, you absolutely want them to do well, especially when they're your friends -- people making it big means they move onto bigger and better things, get to live a little better, and it's always nice to see someone you've forged such strong bonds with graduate. But, also, the limelight is funny sometimes; you find yourself asking why that isn't you. You know there are extenuating circumstances, and that it is often a matter of the cards not falling your way. Still, you work just as hard! Why don't you get the affection of all the adoring eccentric old ladies and their husbands who are long-standing theatre buffs? This further stresses that fun part of Odette's personality, which, you know, always nice to see someone else struggle with the combo of daddy issues and asking yourself, "Am I Evil For Wanting Attention?" (Side note: I just know Odette would love Mulholland Drive; she seems like that kind of slightly unhinged theatre girl. This is said with the utmost affection.)
SLIGHTLY UNHINGED THEATER GIRL, yes, yes fucking perfect. Also good read!!! I definitely wanted to showcase that she's very proud of her friend, but there will always be that part of her who wants that same treatment, even knowing damn well why it's not the case :')
Stupid, sexy Flanders... I haven't mentioned this yet but there's enough ambiguity in how Clovis is presented as so mysterious yet so dreamy here, someone that all the girls want but none of them can ever truly know, that it makes it all the funnier I'm like 90% sure most of this is because Clovis is as straight as a circle.
I like a reveal that isn't surprising, but does have ramifications that the characters have to consider. You did a good enough of showing this happen at the end of the last chapter that I think I pieced this together subconsciously, and then having it revealed like this garnered a reaction in me that was, like, "huh! Makes sense. Oh wait fuck these guys didn't read the prologue, this whole thing must be so fucked up for them, oh god! Venira! Oh they still have so much more to learn!!!" -- in a good way. Usually I'm unsure about characters just having core concepts revealed to them in a book somewhere, but I think it works here. (By the way, whoever wrote this book must have known about some fucked up shit!)
Yeah I'm also a little wary about the "oh no random book has all the right info" trope but I felt it worked in a situation where there WASN'T anything else besides a single sentence from an old decript book that Noel happened to find by chance because he's Noel LMFAO.
And yeah whoever wrote that book definitely knew some bullshit
Just shooting off a bizarro, completely made up theory here, what if Clovis isn't real? What if he's an imposter or something? This definitely isn't true, likely isn't plausible, and I don't know how well it fits into the whole conspiracy where everyone has such a personal stake (and his is so concerned with protecting Odette from the evils behind closed doors). However, it would be the funniest outcome I think; he's just gaslit everyone into thinking he belongs. Odette is probably closer to the truth in thinking he had all that scrubbed off the record because he may have done something terrible. However, I'm putting £50,000 on this anyway.
Interesting--Odette spends a lot of time making fun of rich people this chapter, but this implies it's partially to mask her envy of the lifestyle. She clearly puts some stock in the same social symbols as them.
Well, no, it was more just to show she's not used to it. She's not drooling over the chandelier, she's just like "wtf how is that thing bigger than my apartment???" like, in a sense she didn't think something like that would EXIST, you know?
“Well, that’s enough back-and-forth for me. I should go make my rounds,” he declared. He reached up and patted Dorien twice on the cheek. “I’ll catch you at dinner, salty man. If you see Denis, Adam, Lionel, or Colin, tell them I said hello.”
Odette's ears perked at the names, but she couldn't speak before Dorien did.
Oh, the Odette's big lips arc has pay-off, I guess? This feels very gratuitous to me, and unrealistic. Rich people do realize that young people have natural beauty. It just feels like the narrative is saying that Odette is morally superior to them because her lips are naturally full. Not the most solid basis for moral cartography.
I suppose I could have worded the overall dialogue little better there, but it was meant to be more of a caricature? Wealthy woman so caught up in her looks/fortune the first thing out of her mouth is “OMG how’d you get that?” and Odette is caught off guard by it and is unsure how to respond. So i’m not sure where the connotation that Odette is on a moral high ground in that regard is coming from! It was just supposed to be a silly, almost weird exchange.
They’re just bantering soooooo there isn’t really a point. Like how you’d jokingly say to someone “you have the face of—“ if you were trying to guess something about them or whatever.
That seems like a really weird flex for someone. Milk substitutes are the easiest part of vegan baking. I don't see why anyone would do that for profit reasons, so is it just for the evil lols?
Could probably clarify this better, but it was meant to be a "vegan bakery using non-substitute products for their 'vegan' items and gaining success off of how good the stuff tastes when it in fact is still using the type of product vegans are trying to avoid eating."
But even if they paid someone to dress them and the POV character thinks the color they’re wearing is atrocious, the narrative will paint it as atrocious. Also, a lot of haute couture dresses are obscenely ugly no matter what the price is LOL 🤣
As an everyday glasses wearer I can confirm that when I build up sweat on my forehead/brow, my glasses fog almost every time! It's hella obnoxious, don't recommend.
The part of a shut-in. She's saying that he wasn't acting like someone who had been a shut-in for a while, so she was hypothesizing he might just be good at putting up a front.
I don't really get this reasoning. If you want to stop something, public outcry is generally the go-to? I've never heard of an impact group that didn't want people to know about their issue.
Well, they're kind of dealing with a big conspiracy theory regarding positions of power and whatnot so I'm thinking something like that would want to be kept under wraps until all the details were straight, to prevent any extra interference, no?
It's . . . really untrue that only people who register as creeps from the 'get-go' are capable of rape. Realistically, most rape is not being done by obvious creeps. I get that it might be a coping mechanism by Odette to feel like she'd be able to tell in the future, but it's a pretty harmful idea to have the narrative treat like truth.
I’m…..........not entirely sure where you’re getting that the narrative is treating it that way.
One or two paragraphs down, Noel goes on to basically say “I understand your gut feeling but you need to watch it” and she agrees with him and acknowledges that her judgment is clouded.
Even so, it’s not wrong for an imperfect character to have imperfect logic, especially in the face of a big crush—I’m sure the last thing she wants to be doing is associating Clovis with that very bad thing that happened to her even if they’re sussing him. But even with her dialogue saying so, the narrative having her acknowledge that she IS IN FACT having a lapse in judgment should indicate that there's no agreeance there.
Oh so that’s what Odette’s mother did for a profession. Though wonder what became of her given that we haven’t exactly seen a lot of her in this story since the Prologue.
Cue the text of “Goddammit Noel, message me like a normal person the next time I don’t pick up!” in the world’s most obvious angrish text while waiting for the elevator to go down.
Well, even if things didn’t play out quite the way I was expecting, I see things really are escalating hard and fast in this story in short order, given that Odette and Noel’s amateur sleuthing has taken them to the doorstep of the world of Team Enigma… and a lot more quality time™ with Dorien. While I was honestly expecting Venira to be on the table by now, these two chapters succeeded quite well at selling a sense of tension and building intrigue, especially since Odette’s now in a position where she can’t take it for granted that she can trust one of her closest figures in her life. The backstory reveal behind Odette was also fun, and even if Venira’s not ready to make her big entrance in the story, it sure feels like you’re doing a lot to build towards it given how we’ve seen through between the lines that Odette’s entire life has existed in her shadow.
As for criticisms that I have… I don’t have too many relative to the length of these two chapters, but I did notice that you had some recurring paragraphs that seemed long and idea-dense enough to the point where they probably would’ve worked better cut up into pieces. I also thought there were a couple parts that suffered a bit from a lack of or from unclear description. Enora’s moment grudgingly agreeing to join the gang and their plan to try and get to Team Enigma through Dorien was one of the standout moments, since it took a while to pick up on what the intended meaning was in a way that I’m not sure would’ve been as much of a struggle had there been a bit more description thrown around. Nothing that’s dealbreaking in terms of problems, but definitely things to keep in mind if you’re planning on going back to revise these chapters further at some point.
That's fair, I think the paragraphs in these chapters got kinda long so I'll have to go back through and see where I can do some cutting. And I'll definitely take another look at Enora's decision scene to see if I can spruce that up as well.
Nice work, @Sinderella . It’ll likely take me a while to get back to this story again outside of another review exchange, but I can understand the draw behind it, and even if they’re all flawed types, the cast of this story and the web of intrigue that connects them is fascinating to watch. Makes me wonder just how much longer something resembling normalcy is going to remain for Odette before she and her anger burn everything up.
Her hornyness in general is a bit "sus" (?) to me. Like, I frankly don't know how it plays out in her head and stuff. What she's going through here might be very much possible. But I thought she was demi? As in, attracted to a few, choice people. Would a demi-person get sexual even if they didn't recognise their lover and thus the emotional connection to them? On the other hand, she's very much into Clovis's looks, ever since she saw him at the party. There's nothing she really likes about his character at this point, because the last three chapter made a point about how little she knows. So I guess she just has a very specific type in men?
Odette is definitely not demisexual. Clovis is, and I've said that in the server, but not her!
Also, yeah, it's not that farfetched for someone to drool over one's looks! That's how a lot of relationships start, she doesn't have any real personality to go off of aside from their meshing sarcasm and conversation topics, so looks it is! Def has a type LMAO
As for Clovis... urgh... he set up this date, and I can't fault him for it. But yeez, man, did you need to make it so obvious? First, he only enters the ice to impress Odette and Noel. No way this was a training session. He didn't even do some cooldown stretches. It was supposed to look like one, though. And yeah, man being good with children is a really low shot to get into a woman's good graces. Like, it makes sense for him to do that -- he wants to come across the best way possible -- I just detest him on a personal level for this sort of manipulation.
I have to be honest, I am actually soooooo confused how you came to the conclusion that he was being.....manipulative? For being good with the little girl and her smoochum? Where did you get the indication that was a tactic to get into Odette's good graces?
I just want to make it clear that the narrative has not, and will not ever, paint him in a bad light. He is not the villain of this story. This moment was actually meant to seem verygenuine. This is showcasing him. How he really is, outside of Enigma/Virtue Corp shit. If there was a moment that stood out to you that indicated any sense of manipulation, please let me know so I can reword it, because that's never the intention around him. He is suspicious (hopefully not for much longer), but he's not a bad guy. In fact, he's one of the most decent characters in the cast!
In part 2 we're finally getting to the meat of the issue. The tasty, tasty meat. Many things to explain, and you did an overall good job with it. It's hard getting so many facts across in a natural way, and it does really come off natural. Big kudos!
It's obvious that she would worry about Enora. (Though here, I also haven't seen any ill health or behaviour outside the ordinary from Enora in previous chapters. If you told me Loic had a bloodtype, yeah, I'd buy that instantly.)
But then she comes to the conclusion that her own symptoms are very much like those Clovis just described. And that stretch is a bit far? Like, she has high blood pressure and anger management issues. These are some very common afflictions, and she doesn't have the knowledge that we do, from the prologue. So why would she conclude that she, who has never taken sacrilege before and so far only heard about the effect on pokemon, also has a bloodtype. (side-note, but the word bloodtype throws me for a gleeful loop everytime it comes up. "What? Are you telling me, Odette has a bloodtype?!?!?! Might she even be a bloodtype 0?")
I did make some rewrites to earlier chapters to put more emphasis on her health problems. Hypotension spells, and basically a lot of the other ailments Clovis had mentioned. So with that fresh emphasis, it should help further drive home how she made that connection!
I find his alcohol habit more than concerning and am glad that the narration does so, too. Then he has some times when he's suddenly very interested or freaked out by what Odette says, which is sus, and if there wasn't so much information to digest, I'd look a lot closer into that. Him moving around is what keeps the second part from being a static conversation and really helps the flow a lot. Though he's giving such strong Christian Grey vibes, I can't even...
He reacts a certain way because he definitely THINKS he knows things Odette isn't even aware of herself. So he's kind of probing to see if she's keeping shit from him in a similar manner, or if she's simply just clueless.
Now I'm hyped up again for some crime investigation! Have many new infos and theories, want to put them into practise asap. Good fic PLS UPDATE! Cheers, blue
Noel is a treat as always, though I noticed that Odette always gets to ask the "important" questions. Would have been nice to see Noel putting something together before she does and her marveling at him. (in the same vein, where did Acacia go? She kinda dropped off the roster a bit.) But there's this one scene where Noel makes a little happy dance and Odette has to hold back laughter, and it was so sweet! Their friendship is very believable.
okay, seven deadly sins. If they can be passed down over generations, it means there are multiple of the same species running about, no? If one bearer of a Gulattive has thirteen kids, you now have thirteen baby Gulattives in addition to daddy's one. But in the intro it seems like there is only one of each species, bc of how Florent loses his shit when he discovers one is missing? (it took me well over an hour to conceptualise that there can, indeed, be two legendaries of the same kind roaming around and the world will not end. Idk why it took me so long)
Ah fuck this chapter had so much to keep track of, I glazed over this too. I added it an edit but I'll just explain it here for ease.
The legendaries cannot be passed down between newborn Lambourne's if said legendaries already have vessels. So, for example, all the legendaries are with someone right now, so if Florent had another kid, they would not get one by birth, if that makes sense.
Aside from it being trendy, what are the advantages of having a blood-type in your system? I imagine it destabilizes the bearer quite a bit, and so why would anyone take these drugs only with the goal to get one?
So basically they're spawning them to honor/worship the legendaries, and also get ahold of some insanely powerful Pokemon for themselves, in true cult fashion. I don't actually remember when I made this edit but there was a part where Clovis states that humans have a Bad Time when they try to spawn one in their own blood and just leave it up to their Pokemon, and mostly just use sacrilege for the high.
Isn't it usually the other way round? The drugs that give a lesser high as the body adapts are the ones where people overdose (because they need to up the dosage to get the same stimulation out of it)?
But this line also got me thinking. Usually, when I see anger management issues, it's a lot uglier than what odette has. They usually result in physical assault and throwing things and having the police called and threatening violence. Compared to that, Odette just gets really angry sometimes, but she's never had any of it manifest outside of her headspace. (except for that time she killed her rapist, but that is very much justified under self defense.) Like she has the tumblr aesthetic version of anger management issues.
Also, did she ever go to therapy for it? Or does she have any control strategies for it?
Anger management problems come in all shapes and sizes. My dad had anger management problems and never once got physical with me, but he yelled and screamed over petty shit. Calling it "tumblr aesthetic version of anger management issues" is kind of a low blow.
And yes, in previous chapters it was stated that she used to get into schoolyard fights in primary school. She broke someone's thumb and almost got expelled, and was sent to therapy. Her dancing moment with Noel in the garage in chapter 2 was a coping moment! She has a lot of means of calming herself, as learned from her therapy.
I don't think I need to elaborate on how disgusting I find Clovis's entire gameplan. But ethics aside. If seven of the most powerful families in Kalos are against Team Enigma, the shiny trade etc, is there even a powerful customerbase left? Like, I imagine we are talking top 0.1% here. I'm already bamboozled of the high number of families Clovis lists there. Thought the money-nobility of Kalos would be around five names in total. And if Clovis has seven of them already on his side... who is left to buy Sacrilege?
I think you do need to elaborate because I'm kind of lost as to why!
I did tweak that though because you have a good good point here, can't be ALL the powerful families cuz indeed some are tied up in Enigma. So, just a slight change.
I hate rich people. Clovis is not earning any brownie points with me this chapter either.
This is why nobody trusts Virtue Corps. I was lowkey persuaded that they might be the good guys until this statement. Why don't they make these findings public? Then universities can conduct actual, peer-reviewed research. Because whatever Clovis tells them now and no matter how many lab coats he wears simultaneously, these findings might as well be imaginary. They were bought by a single company. Who's to tell they didn't hire fiction writers.
His entire approach is very in line with pokemon logic, where ten-year-olds regularly dismantle criminal organisations in the span of one afternoon. But in reality, this level of smoke and mirrors is incredibly condescending to the common Kalosian. Like, Clovis makes it very clear here that him and his elite friends don't even trust the everyman with learning about the reason behind shinies. This is some shit in the Louis XVI league of delusions.
Yes, the way Enigma plays the blood-types is dangerous. But you could also phrase it "shiny color pallets in pokemon are caused by a genetic mutation, which itself makes them susceptible to a parasite and lessens their overall health." (PokeRUS, is that you?) This sounds a lot more digestible, no? And would bring shinies back to the forefront of the conversation etc.
I'm not saying they should go public with the Enigma investigation, bc that's stupid. But there's no reason to keep the research stuff hidden (except to maybe keep the shiny trade the way it is. I don't trust those seven beacons of virtue to not have their hands in it)
Well........no. They absolutely cannot make their research public.
The only ones who are supposed to know that blood types exist are Team Enigma members and their ops. Any indication, even using the wording you suggested, that Virtue Corp has information and knows about the blood types too, would whistleblow their whole investigation and possibly cause Team Enigma to pack up and disappear. They don't want that. They would not risk that for the sake of the "common Kalosian." Going public with their research would be just as bad as them going public with their investigation; it's almost literally hand in hand.
Additionally, using a real-life example--we have an actor here in the states named Ashton Kutcher. He's very famous, and very rich, and co-founded an organization called THORN that is partially dedicated to stopping human trafficking among children. As far as my understanding goes, his team does not make their investigations public. Is he expected to do so because he's a rich man? Should he put his "elitism" aside to trust the common American with the information they've found on human trafficking rings just because he needs to trust that they're not stupid?
The answer is no. Because that's how raids get compromised. That's how investigations get destroyed. There is a sound reason why Virtue Corp has kept their findings under wraps, and it has nothing to do with its "trust" in the common Kalosian; it is for the safety of what they're doing as a whole.
Probably another thing that fell through the cracks there is so much to keep track of in this godforsaken plot i am so sorry LOL, but there was minute emphasis on the fact she has maroon-colored eyes, which is meant to be abnormal. I added some more lines in previous chapters to make that a little more clear!
Ok cool, confirmation that Enora definitely doesn't have anything to do with Venira. And this is where I realize that I've been dumb and obviously there are other blood-types besides the 7 deadly sins, and so it is possible for the thing about shinies harboring blood-types, and humans harboring the sins, to be true at the same time. Marvel at my intellect.
Naaaaah don't feel bad, you're not the only one! A lot of people have thought the first two blood types I introduced were legendaries without realizing there is just.....a lot of them. I'm kinda sparse with that information up until this point too! But I definitely marvel at the theoryposting LOL
I do like the acknowledgement that there's good reason for Odette and Noel to just keep what they know between themselves. Often in stories like this, it's easy to wonder why the protags don't just spill everything, but I legit don't think it would really help their situation here.
For sure, I went back and forth with them letting Acadia in on it (because they're pretty much as close to her as they are with each other, they've been friends with each other for years) but in the end, it made sense for them to keep it to themselves, what with the LEVEL of the situation at hand, and how I think Acadia would react to it (spoiler alert: not well lolololol)
So, envy. Yep, that tracks. Love how obvious it is that he doesn't like Inviderus's commentary, but at the same time, it's hard to find the line where Inviderus ends and he begins. There's the subtle influence as well as not-so-subtle influence. Much like with Odette and her anger. Sure, there's a 'source' for it, but can you really say that it's not her? All emotions have sources, all we are is chemicals etc etc, having an easier time pointing to the cause of it, doesn't mean it's totally separate from you, y'know? This is a bit of a tangent, but it's interesting to look at the moments that feel more like outside influence, versus the moments that the sin is seamlessly woven into their own nature.
Yes good read!! That's the aim there, really. The sins there EXACERBATE the feelings for sure, but there is always a chunk of it that is simply the vessel itself, so finding that fine line is definitely hard, cuz....it do be hella blurry lmfaooooo
And it's interesting to see how it's not just envy toward her, a need to own her perfection, but also anger at her for having the attention that he so desperately wants. So if he can't own that attention, the next best thing is owning her. Because it's all about owning things with him. That's why he's so sensitive about anyone else talking about his prize.
And here we go, confirmation that he does want to get under her skin to draw out Venira. That's so much more satisfying than if he were just completely oblivious to how infuriating he can be. The one thing I'm still iffy on is if he knows at all that she's faking her affections, but just doesn't care because he's fixated on owning her anyway...?
> “Truly, I am so sorry.” Clovis still had yet to make any move to assist. It was becoming apparent that he most likely wasn’t going to
This cracked me up.
> But on the other hand, Denis was implying something about the rape and manslaughter case.
I reread Denis's dialogue and I think I missed where he implied anything, it mostly just seemed like he was talking about their high school history together, but the incident was considerably more recent than that.
So the part where he was like "How is she now Dory? I'm sure she's way more broken in after what happened" was him kind of referencing the SA without actually saying it.
The legendary fakemon of sin are an interesting hook here. You establish the basics of how they work well, and I find it interesting how they influence their owners, sometimes in a parasitic fashion (poor Armel!). The descrption of Gulattive also gives the impression of these things being somewhat eldritch in nature. I'm interested in seeing what the rest are like, especially Wrath, who Gulattive hints might be a threat to the rest of the sins and possibly Team Enigma as a whole.
I glanced through the old prologue to get a sense of what changed, and after comparing the two I think you did a great job with the rewrite! They both establish mostly the same things, but the rewrite definitely seems to handle it's elements better, with its slower and more deliberate pace that gives them all room to breathe. In general the new prologue feels like a really good hook for the story that has me anticipating just what's in store for Odette here. Though I guess if there's one singular thing that I think I got from the old prologue, I do think it gave me a better idea of what Gulattive looks like. Which is weird to say when the descriptions are nearly identical, but I think it's the slight difference in the way cloak is described. For some reason the mention of specifically his head being covered made it harder for me to visualize, though in fairness maybe this is just a personal failing on my part.
That's fair! I was definitely a little more conservative with Gulattive's appearance description in the rewrite, and it's mostly because he's under redesign. So part of me wanted to keep it short and sweet so I could go back for an easy edit when that gets finalized.
The banter between the characters in this fic is really good! I really get the sense that these people are close friends, it feels very natural and it helps that this fic has a great sense of humor so far.
The wider plot with Team Enigma is established. I'm interested in seeing what's up ith this "sacrilege" drug: what it does, why all these people keep ODing on it, the link between it and shiny Pokémon, etc. I also can't help but wonder what Team Enigma has been doing for the past 22-23 years. If the sacrilege drug crisis is recent, then they must've been doing something all that time. There's also the question of what was stopping Florent from reaching Odette. And Armel should be in his late 20s by now, right? The timeskip leaves a lot of interesting questions, it seems!
So we learnt that Odette is dealing with trauma that's interfering with her ability to go on stage. She clearly has a passion for it, and I can tell that she wants to go back to the way things used to be. But it's turning out to be more difficult than she wishes it was. We also learn (or at least its heavily implied so far) that she lives with her mom, who's moving to Alola soon and taking Odette with her, which has the potential to complicate the plot considering what we know at this point. But like her friends said, the slower, more lackadaisical pace of Alola might be good for her (at least until the plot inevitably kicks down her front door).
The scene where we're introduced to Odette's team had me smiling the entire time. I love the way you used a humorous situation to establish the inter-party dynamics in a memorable way without having to explicitly say anything. The moment where Noel calms Odette down was great too and really demonstrates the depth of their friendship. This fic is just filled with fun dynamics, huh?
I didn't notice any typos or anything, and I also don't have any major complaints. Like I said, you have a lot of great character dynamics here, and I like your writing style, too. You do a great job of getting into your character's heads and communicating their feelings. The plot's barely started yet where I am right now, but I've had a lot of fun with this fic so far, and I hope to come back to this soon and continue reading and see what happens next. So until then!
Speaking of the lead, the new information raises a lot of new questions. Is this possible informant for real? Are they a double agent of some sort? Are the police force corrupt? I guess I’ll have to read on to find out, because any of those options feel valid. I do get a bit of a feeling that there’s some degree of corruption within the force, though the question remains: is Odette’s grandpa involved?
Hahahaha omg she is down BAD. She is down SO BAD. I love it. I especially find her annoyance with herself highly amusing, because she KNOWS she’s letting her hornybrain get in the way and she’s pissed about it. As an aspec individual, I can’t quite say that I relate, but is it still hilarious? Yes. 😂
Hahahaha that last line. But in all seriousness, props to her for approaching with caution and not throwing it all to the wind just because “OMG HE’S HOT” like so many female protags do in media nowadays. Glad she’s at least aware of how dangerous anybody at these events is capable of being.
I’m not sure I get it. What does the copy machine not working have to do with Noel getting a special privilege? Maybe I’m just dumb but this one flew over my head lol
This was basically saying "I knew the girl who worked at the Library, I went to copy pages from this book instead of taking the book itself, but the copy machine wasn't working, so the girl I knew let me take it with me."
On one hand, part of me thinks Odette shouldn’t dismiss Clovis too quickly—she barely knows him at all, so for all she knows she could only be picking up on the vibes he is deliberately intending to give—but on the other hand, there is something to be said about following your gut instinct, as well. I think you strike that balance pretty well here, especially by having Noel reiterate that he’s just looking out for her, and having Odette agree that he has a good point and promising to be careful.
Thank you for this! I'm a firm believer in trusting one's gut but I also know that airing on the side of caution is just as important, so having Noel there to balance it out felt pretty good on the drawing board.
Good job, you made my skin CRAWL with this sequence of dialogue, I hate everything so much and I need someone to kick Dorien in the teeth as soon as possible, please and thanks.
“This pretty thing”?? BRUH. Somebody yeet this slime ball into a volcano.
Actually on second thought, don’t do that. The resulting fumes would be detrimental to the environment.
I have to ask: what is keeping the Pokémon from revolting against their “owners”? They’re the ones with supernatural powers, after all. Why don’t they just attack and escape? Is there something at play that is keeping them submissive? I’m also wondering why nobody else in the narrative is puzzled by this.
Just one aspect I forgot to clarify in the midst of *checks notes* everything else I'm trying to keep track of LMAO, but I made some edits to include that
I had to reread this passage because the second paragraph initially reads like it’s talking about Enora instead of Odette at first. It also wasn’t immediately clear what it was referring to when it said “when that happened.”
It should be an easy thing to change, though! For example:
“This was only exacerbated by the fact that Enora had been there when…that happened. Odette’s entire team had, except for Loïc.”
While I understand this would be very distressing for Enora to see Odette throw herself into danger again, I did find it slightly odd that concern for Enora’s safety was placed second here, given her whole history. But I guess we don’t know exactly what her history is just yet. Does Odette know? Does she know if Enora has had brushes with this crowd before, with this fate? And if so, I feel like that should be the first thing in mind when thinking about Enora, because it’s bringing her right back to the source of a very traumatic thing for her. Obviously, if Odette doesn’t know, then it makes sense that she wouldn’t think to consider this. That said, the fact that Enora refused to weigh in on any of this at all in the beginning should also be a clue that this is triggering for her. I just found it a little odd that the focus was more on “oh they don’t want to see me hurt” over “oh this is very close to home for her and might bring up old trauma.”
I see where you're coming from on that and I did switch them around. But to answer your question, no Odette doesn't know ANYTHING about Enora's past, so she essentially has no real concrete idea why Enora is so "fuck this fuck that" about getting involved. When I wrote it, I was thinking that the first thing that would come to mind for her is that "oh well they don't want to see me get hurt, she's mad im being reckless again." But even so, I do agree that having her think of Enora first does help the narrative more, because it's being painted that Enora is SO FUCKING RELUCTANT that even if Odette didn't know exactly why, she'd still be able to come to the conclusion of "I'm asking her to put herself in a position that might get specifically her AND possibly me hurt (again) and she doesn't like that" which is a valid concern even if she didn't have a concrete explanation as to why.
I’m a little surprised that Odette simply took his word for it, though—perhaps she was able to discern that he wasn’t lying, and that’s why she accepts it, but it wasn’t immediately clear to me. After all, nobody is just going to say “ah yep I’m a predator!” when being asked point blank. So some elaboration on why she takes his word for it would be helpful here, I think!
Last but not least, the debut of my favorite tumbleweed was fantastic, a lot sooner than I expected it to be, and I can’t wait for her to reveal herself to Odette fully! THAT is bound to be a Time, I am sure.
However... I did find myself weirdly thinking that the prologue felt a bit... conflicted? This prologue's first half is mainly Florence walking around and thought expositing for a bit as he basically tells the audience about Vienna and the things he did and his organization. I don't know that this is bad, since at the end of the day all stories are just that in a way. On a personal level, I felt sightly less engaged by the first half of your new prologue, and my main interest was derived from seeing Florence in a new light purely because I'd already met him.
Yeah the first half of the prologue is definitely moreeee.....introspective. I definitely think it hits a little harder as a new reader, because as an old reader, you've already visited the more action-y chapter, and that was kind of the point. Wanted to do something more thought based to drive home the point that he's a BADDIE BAD and not sit at the typical "man has giant pet that eats his incompetent lackeys" thing.
The part I think I enjoy about this early set of chapters is the pacing. The plot moves along easily and effortlessly, and while I can't remember the old version enough to compare, I can confirm that this version feels very easy to follow. The characters behave in ways I am able to follow and feel realistic for their established traits. Despite running alongside some tropes (gay best friend for Noel, Strong Female for Odette, gruff protective Grandpa etc, the way everyone is written so far feels like they go beyond just a one dimensional trope.
There never really feels like any wasted space in these chapters, and all the characters are active participants, with a lovely push and pull between everyone making their own moves. I said this before, but particular favor goes to Odette's grandpa for being the best grandpa ever, please only give him good things!!!
So what are shinies? Why can they apparently host a blood-type creature? What are blood types? Are they like the lesser demons in comparison to the Seven Sins? A genetic mutation or perhaps created even by the Seven themselfs for some ancient ritual? My guess for now is the shinies are shiny because of blood types, not that blood types are simply hostable by them.
Something I mentioned once before but I'll bring up again here is that I enjoy how grounded in Odette's POV your prose is. Everything is flavored by her views, and it really helps me get in her head. Its something I'm working on myself so its great to read.
So at first I was like "Wow Odette your memory is trash" but then I remembered: A) my memory sucks, and B)Trauma affects memory.
Between being a host to Venira, and her assault and a bunch of other stuff, I bet things are bit fuzzy.
Flirting is a mystery. Also relatable, people have definitely done this to me and I'm like :riowat: bc I thought I was just talking or being sarcastic.
This is why you go analog Odette, smh. Idk if you've seen Nope the movie but I was reminded of that tbh. I wonder how they block camera stuff though? Can't be electromagnets, so is it weird hacking, or a virus or what? Is it caused by the blood-types presence or did Dorien think ahead about these parties? Hmmmmm
I wonder, do the Seven pick up language and attitude based on their hosts or the respective time period? She does not talk like an ancient being (which is fine), so maybe she just likes modern slang...
Yeah so they all have basically lived so long that they've picked up on every fucking means of speaking to ever exist, but their personalities will still come through. Venira has always been a gremlin, even at the beginning of time, so she was spewing shit like you've seen in AQ, just in her ancient tongue. As language evolved she picked up on it more and more and now she has tailored herself to the modern speak of her vessel.
Also collapsing whump, which is always a delight. Two collapsing whumps on top of each other? Yes good feed me. Also I loved how quick to act Noel was and how prompt Clovis was in acting.
My understanding so far is Clovis is working for Virtue Corp, undercover, to investigate this whole thing, and knows about blood-types. Bernard is working intandem with him on the DL. This possibly means Virtue Corps are good guys, contrary to my previous belief about them fronting as good guys to ward off the police.
OooOOOOOOOO I GET IT NOW. He wanted to provoke her to get Venira to emerge. I wonder what he expected to happen after, even if he succeeded though. They were in a crowded restaurant, so even if Venira did emerge, what would he do? Can he recapture her somehow? Sever Odette's bond with her?
Clovis also apparently is a regular customer of Dorien, and Dorien is a big drug runner for Florence. Probably makes tons of money. Also Florent has apparnetly explicitly forbbiden Dorien from harming Odette, unsurprisingly.
I think its frankly unfair that humans can't fit into a ball. Pokemon get to go into a ball during bad weather while humans brave it so why not vice versa! Braviary ought to put Noel into a ball when weather is bad! (/j).
Aren't Braviary gigantic? Unless his is freakishly small I can't see them as small enought to fit on someones hand? Or I guess I am just overestimating its size...? Like Hisuin braviary is Beegg and I can't imagine his Unovan counterpart is that much smaller? Very jarred by this.
I have to be honest, I am actually soooooo confused how you came to the conclusion that he was being.....manipulative? For being good with the little girl and her smoochum? Where did you get the indication that was a tactic to get into Odette's good graces?
Like, this is a date that Clovis set up from start to finish. He made a conscious decision to choose this location (a place where everyone looks up to him) and this timeslot (right after a practise session, and when adorable little scraps with smoochums run around). They are moving on his home turf now. He could have chosen any public space, or restaurant or whatever. But he chose his own rink where they were bound to run into people who make it very known how they adore him (and also where he can also show off his ice-skating skills and make it look like a coincident, but okay, let the king brag about his physique, he earned it).
I get why he's doing it -- it clearly has an effect on O+N. But on me, being invited into such circumstances would only make me incredibly distrustful of the person who invited me. Especially since he was built up to be a capable undercover agent. I could believe it in characters who are more straightforward and less 4D-chess, but not with him.
Uhm... it's hard to explain in other words that I didn't already use but...
Oh, wait! I think I have an idea how it would not look as set up! Okay, so, how about O+N ask at the front desk for Clovis, and the woman tells them "Oh, yes, let me show you to his office while I get him" to which O+N say "oh, he's in the rink? Let me look, I'm into figureskating as well." That way, it's plausible that Clovis didn't plan on them seeing him with his collection of hot friends and admirers.
(omg, wait, do you remember American Pie The Wedding? I think that's where Stiffler tries to woo this one girl by presenting himself as this super standup guy, and the sets up this date where he walks the dog, and helps old ladies and all that? That's roughly the same vibes as I'm getting from Clovis now :D And now I remember that I remember that movie and feel dirty in so many different ways)
Additionally, using a real-life example--we have an actor here in the states named Ashton Kutcher. He's very famous, and very rich, and co-founded an organization called THORN that is partially dedicated to stopping human trafficking among children.
Yee, but at least we know what they're doing.
Clovis's little operation and everything... urgh... it just reeks of "a bunch of rich people are trying to cover up some bad deeds of other rich folks, so they can get away relatively unharmed while ruining the lives of thousand "commoners." I know this is not what you have in mind, and yes, he's cooperating with the police. But also, the chief of police of Lumiose City, who, irl is an insanely politically influential person. Most of the time I hear something of a Chief of Police or an Attorney General is when they're either neck-deep in a bribery scandal or running for mayor.
I'm super jaded and biased against rich people, I know. But in a world post Epstein, I won't any longer trust two rich people in a room together or assume that they are doing something out of the goods of their own heart.
Actually, in a world post Epstein, I have to assume that Clovis is probably only putting this much effort into keeping everything low profile because he himself has a few skeletons in his closet that are covered in sacrilege. Or maybe Clovis hasn't struck me as a very trustworthy person until now, idk...
The more I think about it, the latter is probably a big issue, too. Like, every chapter we learn something new about him that he previously held hidden, and now I'm supposed to trust these lab reports? Or his new persona? I wouldn't know how to make him more trustworthy, it's probably a side-effect of the spy vs spy setup.
<tangent>Sil has a some oc work of spy-to-lover, and a sufficient amount of time with these pairs is dedicated to snappy smalltalk over tea, which feels very much like they have a knife at each other's throat, while they try to decipher what cryptic clues the other one sends. And this song and dance goes on until one of them makes a decision that clearly sacrifices a lot in order to protect the other.</tangent>
Clovis so far hasn't made much of a sacrifice or shown himself vulnerable to be trusted. And, yes, sharing this information with O+N in itself is a huge gamble on his part. But also, why would I trust that what he says now holds more water than the story about Clovis LeClair he told Odette at the party when they met? Just how he set up the entire date, he still controls the narrative here.
Now, if Dorien came around and started showing interest in these information, thereby indicating that they are something that the opposition regards as valuable... that's another thing >:)
Probably another thing that fell through the cracks there is so much to keep track of in this godforsaken plot i am so sorry LOL, but there was minute emphasis on the fact she has maroon-colored eyes, which is meant to be abnormal.
Oh, whoops, no, I remember, but I thought it was just a more fancy way of saying "brown eyes," which isn't that uncommon.
Look, you don't need to sell me on Clovis. It's okay that I don't like him. You probably wouldn't be 100% into my type of men either. And hey, maybe down the line he'll do something incredibly minor and I'm his biggest fan out of a sudden.
Um, please excuse my lack of quotes, but I never go well with them sadly.
I just read the prologue, and it seems that Florent is...rich? Also, about the devil on his shoulder, exactly what is it?
Florent seems sinister with the "they lost their head literally and figuratively" thing. Is he an assassin?
I think you need a comma in the "in walked Silvaine".
From what I discerned, is Gulattive the devil's name?
Completely not related to the story, but who's glutton?
Possibly related, who are the Blood Legends I wonder? And why are they The Pokemon of [bad virtue]? Who created them? They seem to be related to "the seven deadly sins".
Um, for the criticism, maybe it should introduce the characters more, as characters seem to just pop in randomly.
Unfortunately, I don't think I have enough space for this catnip so I'll end here.
Other than that, it is extremely intriguing and it's really neat. My favorite moments might be the part where "Gulattive the glutton" gets mad at Florent. Well, kinda. It's comically serious for some reason to me.
It says that Venira is in a openable pokeball, but then how would Florent interact with her? And very darkly plan to kill her like it was easy?
Last edited:
UNSCRIPTED: FEATURING THE CAST OF THE HIT TV SHOW "WHITE SWAN, BLACK SWAN" (April Fools Chapter)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi all! This is my spur-of-the moment April Fool's Day chapter that I ended up taking a little too seriously featuring some...gently modified versions of the characters you've read in the past. This is intended to take place in an AU where Odette, Noel, Dorien, and Clovis are actors playing characters of the same name on a television show, so you might notice that they're acting a LITTLE different.
This is normal, this is intended, don't ask questions. Enjoy Dorien being nice, maybe.
This has been written in a weirdly meshed screenplay/stage play format, but don't be intimidated! It's pretty simple to read. Just follow this guideline:
SETTING
NAME
(How the line is said.)
Action.
Line.
UNSCRIPTED FEATURING THE CAST OF THE HIT TV SHOW "WHITE SWAN, BLACK SWAN."
---
INT - WHITE SPACE The “White Swan, Black Swan” cast sits in four chairs against a white backdrop. From left to right, it’s DORIEN BONHOMME, NOEL MASSE, ODETTE CINQ-MARS, and CLOVIS LECLAIR. It looks like they’re all engaged in a conversation.
ODETTE
I’m not gonna lie, I wouldn’t necessarily mind if a throuple started off between her, Clovis, and Dorien, right?
Clovis, Dorien, and Noel start to laugh.
CLOVIS
Oh my god, please don’t say another word.
ODETTE
No! Listen! You think in some weird alternate universe, they’re all in love with each other?
NOEL
(Between giggles.)
Girl, is there something you need to tell the class?
DORIEN
What exactly is your taste in men? Are you sure you don’t like them psychopathic? Because I think you like them psychopathic.
ODETTE
NO, I’M JUST SAYING, ON SHEER EYE CANDY ALONE–
Odette stops abruptly and looks at the camera.
ODETTE
Wait, were you rolling?
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
Yes, we got that on tape.
Odette looks embarrassed and starts to rub her temple as she smiles crookedly. The other three laugh harder.
ODETTE
Holy shit, please cut that, do not put that in the video, I’m gonna get my shit rocked.
NOEL
No, PUT IT IN THE VIDEO, let the fans tell you your tastes are ass! No! They need to hear the out-of-pocket crap you like to say when nobody’s listening, Miss Ma’am. Nuh-uh.
Odette is wheeze-laughing into her hands as Noel talks. Clovis pats her shoulder comfortingly.
CUT TO: INT - WHITE SPACE
The scene cuts away with a beep. Dorien, Noel, Odette, and Clovis are now facing the camera, smiling. They wave as some royalty-free instrumentals play in the background.
ALL
Bonjour!
ODETTE
I’m the shorter, thicker knockoff of Wednesday Addams, or in some cases, Bayonetta, Odette Cinq-Mars.
NOEL
I’m your favorite gay porn voiceover retiree, Noel Masse.
Clovis opens his mouth to speak but starts laughing into his hand, causing the others to start laughing too. Giggles can also be heard off-screen. He laughs for several seconds before Noel claps his hands.
COME ON, MAN, WE HAVEN’T GOT ALL DAY.
CLOVIS
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Clovis laughs for a few seconds longer before he takes a breath to compose himself.
I’m the walking embodiment of whatever the hell you degenerates call a “Tumblr Sexyman,” Clovis LeClair.
DORIEN
And I’m the reigning short king supreme, Dorien Bonhomme. And this is—
They all strike a dramatic pose from their seats.
Unscripted. The ridiculously candid web show where the casts of your favorite TV shows answer some pressing questions and talk about whatever the fuck they want in the process.
NOEL
Some spoilers included.
ODETTE
We’re not responsible for any plot points that get ruined for you if you keep watching because, well, the title clearly says spoilers, and, uh…if you can’t read, that sounds like an issue you need to work on, maybe?
They all shrug.
CUT TO:
Title screen. It is simply black script against a white background. The title reads “Unscripted: The Cast of White Swan, Black Swan” as a catchy jingle plays in the background. It soon cuts to another screen that reads “SPOILERS AHEAD AS OF EPISODE 13.”
CUT TO: INT - WHITE SPACE
The cast sitting in their chairs against a white background.
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
So to start off, tell us a little bit about how making the show has been for you all.
NOEL
Oh it’s been a damn blast, holy hell. I don’t want to sound like I’m gloating, but I’m gloating—-this cast is fucking STACKED. Even the crew, like. Wow. This is all fucking gods work, and I’m so here for it.
CLOVIS
It’s such good synergy. I’ve never been with a cast that I’ve felt so friendly with, like—all four of us hang out after shooting, all the time. And that friendship really helps with the work because you’ve seen it, we’re dealing with a lot of heavy shit on the show, so having that foundation of trust really helps when sinking into those heavier moments. And coming out of them, too, because it’s so easy to lighten the mood again with these guys.
DORIEN
One hundred percent. And despite all the weird, creepy, uncanny things you might be seeing on the screen, I guarantee you there was a lot of time spent leading up to actually filming those scenes that was just us lovingly screwing around with each other.
NOEL
Or Odette fucking up a line.
Clovis and Dorien laugh, and Odette gapes.
ODETTE
For your information, people watching, I am FANTASTIC with my lines. It’s just really fucking hard to keep the RBF when Clovis is behind the camera trying to do some stupid fucking Fortnite dance.
CLOVIS
I wasn’t even TRYING, I intended for it to look bad.
NOEL
Yeah Clovis really do be the one trying to make us fuck up mid-shoot.
Clovis rests his cheek in his hand, with the heel of his hand covering his mouth as he chuckles for a moment.
CLOVIS
(Smugly.)
I’m a saint on set, you’re all just liars.
ODETTE
The intentional sabotage aside, it’s also kind of vital that we keep things light, especially between me and Dorien, cause, like…we have a lot of really fucked up scenes, and while I do agree it's important to keep it serious to make sure we’re handling it right, it helps to go into a moment where his character is supposed to, like…be kissing mine totally non-consensually right after he and I have just finished having a long-winded conversation about how drilbur have three dick heads or something like that because I can at least remind myself that he’s still my friend and we’re playing parts.
DORIEN
He snickers.
She’s not even lying; that actually happened, and it took us, like, four takes to do the scene.
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
So it’s a good time, then?
ODETTE
Oh, yeah. There’s a lot of eye candy around me so…
She puckers her lips slyly and shrugs. Clovis, Dorien, and Noel look at her jokingly.
What can I say, I’m definitely having fun.
CUT TO:
Title card that says “She’s definitely having fun.” It cuts over to another title card with a beep. New title card reads “Who hates their character the most?”
CUT TO: INT - WHITE SPACE
The cast sitting in their chairs against a white background. Clovis, Odette, and Noel shift themselves to angle toward Dorien, who throws his head back in exasperation and groans.
CLOVIS
I think we’re gonna hand that one to Dorien.
NOEL
(Giggling.)
Yeah that’s all him.
DORIEN
(Sighing.)
Where do I start…I mean, simply put, I can’t STAND my character. I literally can’t. He’s beautifully written and so nuanced and so layered and so tragic, but my god. Sometimes I read the script and feel like I have to lie down. And whenever I think it can’t get any worse, the writers send me the next episode, and SURE ENOUGH!
NOEL
It ALWAYS gets worse!
DORIEN
He claps in time with the first three words.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It always gets worse! I gave up hope for a redemption ten episodes ago because, holy fuck, there is no return for him.
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
None at all?
DORIEN
Absolutely not. You cannot under any circumstances dwell on how much you love your significant other than also debate beating the shit out of them out of jealousy on the same train of thought.
CLOVIS
(Sarcastic.)
Really? I thought that was really romantic.
DORIEN
(Sarcastic.)
Well, yeah, I guess I just have different tastes. To each their own.
ODETTE
(Sarcastic.)
True, I’m more of a “wipe your date’s memories because you pissed them off by talking about something traumatic” kind of hopeless romantic.
DORIEN
Oh yeah, DEFINITELY more my speed, for sure.
There’s a momentary pause as they all look at the camera and nod in ironic agreement. Suddenly, Dorien has another thought.
DORIEN
Oh, and sometimes I can’t help but look through things on Chatter, and I see these people writing…what are they called…
NOEL
Thirst chats, sweetie.
DORIEN
THIRST CHATS, yes. God, what a stupid—
He shakes his head.
Anyway, I find a lot of thirst chats about him, and I’m just like…seek therapy. For the love of god. Get yourself a Clovis, get yourself a Noel, but JEEZE, why would you EVER want a Dorien?
CLOVIS
Women love a man with a pretty face, perfect teeth, and a penchant for collecting their lost lip balm and mulling over whether or not it’d be worth it to kill them. Or their so-called best friends.
DORIEN
To Clovis.
Remember I had an entire monologue about how much Dorien wanted to kill Clovis and I felt like I had to buy you dinner afterward to make up for it, it was like—
CLOVIS
(Laughing.)
OH YEAH, he ran up to me after the scene and was like—
Starts to mimic Dorien’s voice.
What do you like, sushi? Steak dinner? My firstborn?
Dorien, Odette, and Noel burst into laughter.
Money’s no option, I will buy you gold-encrusted shrunken heads if you want them, just—
Clovis’s words trail off as he joins the others in laughing.
DORIEN
Rubbing his face.
Oh, BROTHER.
ODETTE
Yeah, Dorien comes up to me before each episode where we have a moment like that and is like “I am so sorry for what it is I’m about to do,” and I feel so bad because he’s so sweet about it, and then I have to…act like I wanna kill him. When he’s really just a baby.
CLOVIS
We promise it’s just our characters that want to kill each other.
NOEL
To Clovis.
Speak for yourself, I’m gonna waste you the next time you fill my car with packing peanuts.
CLOVIS
(Chuckling.)
Happy birthday.
Noel reaches behind Odette to playfully shove Clovis’s arm. Odette looks minutely concerned for a moment but giggles anyway.
ODETTE
I mean, yeah sometimes we have moments when we want to kill each other unironically but it’s few and far between.
She’s snickering again.
Sometimes. It’s occasionally really easy to want to kill Dorien because he’s just so good at playing garbage. Like, it’s scary.
NOEL
(Teasingly.)
Well, it takes garbage to know garbage.
Dorien gapes at the camera and slowly leans over to playfully put his fingers around Noel’s neck, who tries to lean away despite the fact he’s grinning ear to ear and laughing through his teeth.
DORIEN
Okay, yeah, fuck it. I’m definitely going to commit a homicide IRL.
NOEL
But then how will I get us more scenes together? We’re fucking deprived!
DORIEN
He settles back a little.
Yeah, we really are, it’s unfortunate, honestly.
NOEL
They let me kiss your hand ONCE, it’s criminal.
DORIEN
See, come here.
Dorien leans closer to Noel, and they touch their cheeks together. They smile at the camera as it zooms in on them.
These faces look so good together onscreen, right?
NOEL
Deadass, how could you not, I mean? Perfection.
Dorien and Noel seem to be enjoying their moment, but there’s a momentary pan over to Odette and Clovis, who are watching them with raised brows.
ODETTE
Spinoff where Dorien comes to his senses and falls in love with anti-commitment Noel instead?
CLOVIS
I would watch that for the trainwreck couple alone.
NOEL
Pulling away from Dorien to gesture accusingly at Clovis and Odette.
I mean this with no offense intended, but I would SWAN DIVE–
He pauses and looks back at the camera.
Ba-dum tss.
Dorien, Odette, and Clovis giggle as Noel keeps talking.
—off the studio rafters, please don’t do that to my boy.
DORIEN
Would love scenes with me really be that bad?
NOEL
Of course not, you gentle dunce, I just hate Dorien and would rather Noel shoot him instead of fuck him.
DORIEN
Yeah, uh…to be fair, I would also like it if someone shot him.
They all nod in agreement.
CUT TO:
Title card that says, “He would also like it if someone shot him.” It cuts over to another title card with a beep. New title card reads, “Who’s the most unhinged on set?”
CUT TO: INT - WHITE SPACE
The cast sitting in their chairs against a white background. Noel stands up and points accusingly at a laughing Odette and smug Clovis as Dorien watches in amusement.
NOEL
IT’S THESE TWO. TWEEDLE DUMB AND TWEEDLE DUMBER. IT’S ALWAYS THESE TWO.
PROCDER (OFFSCREEN)
You seem pretty passionate about that.
NOEL
Sitting back down.
Listen, I love them both with all my heart, but I swear if the studio ever burns down, it’s gonna be one of their faults. Probably Clovis’s.
Odette is doubled over laughing, and Clovis is scratching the side of his head with a shit-eating grin on his face.
CLOVIS
That’s a little gratuitous.
DORIEN
See, he can’t even say it with a straight face.
CLOVIS
Look, I would never go as far as to commit arson. I’m just here for a good time, not a long time.
Odette has finally calmed down, and she rubs some tears out of her eyes as she takes a few mellowing breaths.
ODETTE
I wouldn’t refer to myself as unhinged, I just have my moments.
NOEL
O, you are a walking embodiment of an offbeat shitpost.
Odette wheezes.
And I mean that with all the affection in my body. Meanwhile, Clovis is the hell-sent lovechild of a loose canon and a bottle of hair bleach.
CLOVIS
(Holding back snickers.)
Jesus Christ, I didn’t realize it was the Roast of Odette and Clovis today.
DORIEN
Well, that could be every day, there’s plenty of material.
NOEL
I mean this when I say it. We all flub lines and goof off and whatever, but usually, if filming stops, it’s because of one of them. And it’s crazy because they’re both playing the most straight-laced characters on the show, but YOU’D NEVER FUCKING KNOW THAT if you met them in real life. They’re both in their own sectioned-off little world 24 hours a fucking day, and it’s absolutely WILD.
DORIEN
I think there was one time…it was actually really recently…where the three of them were filming that big scene in the ice rink office, where Clovis ends up telling them about the whole Blood Type conspiracy, and…we went on a really long lunch break, I don’t exactly remember why, but we were break’d for like two hours, and we came back…and we couldn’t find Odette, we couldn’t find Clovis. They’re both just gone, I wasn’t in the scene, I was just there watching, but then out of nowhere, Odette rushes back on stage, and she just has—
He makes the shape of a bowl with his arms. Odette’s already giggling.
This GIANT fucking watermelon and she’s like…eating slices out of it, and we’re all looking at her like, “what the FUCK are you doing? You had two hours to eat all that, where did you even get an entire watermelon from?”
He breaks off into small giggles with his last words as he gestures over to Odette, who’s slumped in her chair, grinning.
NOEL
AND THEN, Clovis shows up not a minute later, covered in paint, because he got caught up as an extra in some movie scene where they were filming a paint fight? I guess?
CLOVIS
It was a smeargle war movie, and it was a great time. No regrets.
ODETTE
Look bro, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, I really wanted watermelon.
DORIEN
But the WHOLE MELON?
ODETTE
You don’t understand, in the next soundstage over, they were filming a new episode of “Kitten Stories” and they had all these baby skitties and I was–
CLOVIS
HANG ON. They had baby skitties? Like babies?
ODETTE
Yeah, like seven.
CLOVIS
ODETTE HARMONIE. AND YOU DIDN’T COME GET ME?
ODETTE
YOU WERE PLAYING ON A SMEARGLE WAR MOVIE SET, ASSHOLE. And they were getting ready to end shooting for the day, so I wanted to play with them, and then they had a bunch of fruit left over from their catering so they sent me off with the melon.
CLOVIS
Odette. This is a transgression I can’t forgive. I thought we were closer than that.
ODETTE
I mean, there’s a cat cafe up the road, we can go when we’re done here.
CLOVIS
Seriously?
The camera cuts to Noel and Dorien watching the exchange, dumbfounded, before returning to Odette and Clovis.
ODETTE
Nodding.
You’d like it; I’ll buy lunch.
Clovis considers the request before settling into his backrest, crossing his legs and arms.
CLOVIS
Okay, fine. I’d be willing to forgive you, then.
The camera pans back to Dorien and Noel, who simultaneously lock eyes with it and gesture toward Clovis and Odette.
NOEL
Own little world, you saw it here, folks.
CLOVIS
I wanted to see the skitties goddammit! Fuck the paint, skitties always.
ODETTE
The skitties were very cute.
DORIEN
Okay, but like, you see it? This is just a dumbed-down reenactment of what goes on on every shooting day.
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
To Clovis and Odette, chuckling.
Do either of you have a defense for that?
CLOVIS
Oh, no, I’ll lean into it and say we get…sidetracked.
ODETTE
Momentary lapses in memory.
NOEL
(Snickering.)
Is that what we’re calling it now?
CLOVIS
I mean I READ THE SCRIPTS, I just…it’s silly. We get silly, and Odette and I together aren’t exactly the best duo to have when you’re trying to avoid sillines. I swear we look at each other and forget. Or want to laugh, and it’s ONLY US, and it’s contagious. Like, I think in that ice rink scene, we got to the big dramatic reveal of Clovis’s name being Valentin, and…Noel said what he was supposed to say, I said my part, then it was Odette’s turn. And she went really quiet and I looked at her and went “did you forget your line?” and she was like “totally” and I was like “good, because I just forgot what I was supposed to say next too.”
Odette and Clovis laugh at each other while Dorien and Noel snicker as well.
Thanks for taking the fall, lovely girl, you did me a solid.
ODETTE
(Laughing.)
Fuck you.
She calms down.
But we uh, kinda do that a lot. A lot of times, I can’t look at him without laughing, or I think about something stupid he said or did and totally forget what comes next.
NOEL
At least they admit it.
CLOVIS
OKAY, BUT LOOK, THE EPISODES GET FILMED, OKAY? The show goes on, even if it takes twelve takes ‘cause Odette’s eating a fucking watermelon on the soundstage.
NOEL
Or anything, really. She always has something in her mouth.
ODETTE
MY GUY, WHY ARE WE THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS NOW?
NOEL
Okay, that sounded dirtier than I meant it, I meant FOOD.
ODETTE
Yeah, you’d know a lot about having something in your mouth, that’s something you and show Noel have in common, huh?
NOEL
(Dramatic sigh.)
Y’know…I’m feeling strangely attacked, I think we should move on to the next question.
It’s quiet for a beat, and the camera zooms in on Noel’s face. He can barely keep a straight expression as the sounds of Dorien, Odette, and Clovis snickering can be heard.
CUT TO:
Title card that says, “He’s feeling strangely attacked and thinks we should move on to the next question.” It cuts over to another title card with a beep. New title card reads, “What are you most looking forward to as the season goes on?”
CUT TO: INT - WHITE SPACE
The cast sitting in their chairs against a white background.
NOEL
The romance, definitely. Like, you can’t look me in the eye and tell me something isn’t going to happen between Odette and Clovis, the girl’s down BAD.
DORIEN
He’s definitely down there too. I think the sexual tension has been really slow-moving, but it’s there.
CLOVIS
Oh, for sure. I think the phone call Clovis ended up having with Bernard solidified that. Bernard was definitely cutting him off, but I’m sure the viewers can infer what he was going to say. Or…trying, I’d say.
NOEL
Can’t wait for the Bernard reaction there either.
DORIEN
I don’t know, I feel like he’ll be okay with it. I think he’s still pretty trigger-happy because he’s scared for Odette in general, but if she likes him too, I can’t imagine he’s gonna crazy papa bear over it, especially if he and Clovis have as good of a relationship as I think they do. A lot of that’s still, uh, up in the air, though, I guess.
ODETTE
I hope it’s a good relationship, as of what we’ve read recently, Clovis is in dire need of a fucking decent father figure. ‘Cause WOOF.
Dorien, Noel, and Clovis start nodding in grim, cautious agreement.
NOEL
And Bernard’s so nice, too, man. What a gem. I love when he’s on set, we can shoot the shit with that man for hours, and he’s so fucking talented.
ODETTE
Yeah, he made us all cookies last time, and they were so fire.
CLOVIS
They were really good. I'm a fucking cookie fiend and I'd only eat those if I had the option.
DORIEN
After the events from 13, I am actually aching to see more of him, and I think I can confirm that we will be.
ODETTE
Oh, yeah. Chief Cinq-Mars and his stupid angry granddaughter need a sit-down therapy session at this point. Will it happen like that? Lord only knows.
CLOVIS
(Whispering.)
It’s not.
Dorien, Noel, and Odette shake their heads in agreement, ad-lib mouthing ‘It’s not’ and ‘nope.’
NOEL
Speaking of confirming, you know what other romance I can talk about? Noel’s totally getting a love interest.
ODETTE
AH, yep. In the next episode. Both the mains with their daddies.
CLOVIS
Their daddies?
ODETTE
Yes, Clovis, he and you are what I would collectively classify as a daddy.
CLOVIS
Snorts into his hand.
God, we need to keep a muzzle on hand for you.
Odette giggles.
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
To Noel.
Are you excited about that?
NOEL
Of fucking COURSE I am. Noel is so fucking messy when it comes to the whole commitment thing, as we’ve probably inferred so far, so I’m really stoked to see him in a place where he’s actively breaking out of that. Granted, it’s not going to start like that because it’s fucking Noel, but I’m looking forward to him learning to break his sex habit just to be with this one person. However the hell that ends up happening. It’ll be some nice growth for him, and some nice new territory for him to explore and learn to enjoy. And, maybe he’ll be able to stop third-wheeling on Clovis and Odette trying and failing to seduce each other.
CLOVIS
“Trying” is too hard of a word at this moment in time.
NOEL
Okay, “thinking about.”
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
Have you already started shooting the new episode?
NOEL
Mmmmmhmmm, and let me just say, he is…
Noel pauses to make an “OK” sign with his fingers.
Absolutely yummy. But…
He leans over to lay his head on Dorien’s shoulder.
Nothing will replace my offscreen bromance baby.
DORIEN
Laying his head on Noel’s.
I sure fucking hope not, I was here first.
CLOVIS
I hate to say it while you’re having your gay moment, but I’m also anxious to see Dorien get his shit rocked.
Noel picks his head up to nod in agreement, and Dorien also sits upright.
DORIEN
Well, that’s mutual, so you get a pass.
PRODUCER (OFFSCREEN)
To Dorien.
Are you looking for him just to get beat up, or are you hoping for something a little more permanent?
DORIEN
He’s quiet as he mulls over what to say, bobbing his head pensively.
I mean…I don’t want to say I’m looking for him to die because then I’m out of a job.
CLOVIS
We hate Dorien, but we don’t want Dorien to go, you know?
DORIEN
He laughs lightly.
But, uh, yeah, if something really bad happened to him, I’d have a great time acting it out, let’s just say that.
CLOVIS
Seconded.
ODETTE
Yep.
She perks up as a thought occurs to her.
OH. I’ve got another one. Venira.
Dorien, Noel, and Clovis all ad-lib excited remarks and noises.
NOEL
YES, Venira. That’s…going to be a time. We started filming the parts for those, and…yeah.
DORIEN
I don’t think we can confirm exactly when that’s happening, but it is happening, and it’s…
ODETTE
Smiling dubiously.
Just clench your assholes is all I’m gonna say.
CLOVIS
Clench your assholes and MAYBE your sanity too.
CUT TO:
Title card that says, “Clench your assholes and maybe your sanity too.” It cuts over to another title card with a beep. New title card reads, “Wrap Up.”
CUT TO: INT - WHITE SPACE
The cast sitting in their chairs against a white background. They’re all smiling directly at the camera.
NOEL
Well, it seems like that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to us bitch at each other.
DORIEN
Don’t forget to tune in for the next episode of “White Swan, Black Swan,” premiering soon on Thousand Roads.
ODETTE
If you’re tired of waiting for new episodes of “White Swan, Black Swan,” we also invite you to check out our new prequel series, “Poison and Pecha Berries,” which is premiering soon on Thousand Roads as well.
CLOVIS
And of course, a special thanks to Sinderella for having us here today. Subscribe to the channel for more BTS content like this, and we’ll hopefully catch you soon in a future episode.
They all wave.
ALL
Au revoir!
CUT TO:
Outro credits set to an upbeat theme, inviting you to like, comment, and subscribe for future eldritch horniness, and also wishing viewers a very happy April Fool's day. Blackout. End.
Heyoooo fellow romance enthusiast! So when I noticed the new review blitz going on, I immediately thought of your fic first because I remember hearing about your OC Odette which is just, the best name, I think I remember you saying you even had a tattoo of her which is utterly badass, and so here I am because I MUST KNOW MOAR.
Obviously I am extremely late to this party but I hope you don't mind a review of the earlier chapters until I have time to catch up
Other than Odette's name and your penchant for romance I am entering into this story utterly blind. I hope my ignorance is entertaining! Onward!
It was nice to know that at least she'd suffered, but it was unfortunate she was so resilient. She could have died in childbirth and taken the baby with her.
...especially concerning that one Pokemon of Wrath.
He needed to kill that baby. Tonight. And maybe Vienna, too, just out of pure spite. As pretty, as rambunctious, as entirely conniving as she was, she'd make a splendid snack for Gluttony.
OH DAMN. So like, am I witnessing the beginning to some pokemon based on the deadly sins? Also, casual baby killing, nbd, just gotta hop a boat, it's fine he's fine.
Would Florent have been better off being the vessel for Wrath instead of Gluttony? Now that she had decided to awaken, he had to consider the possibilities…
I wish I had this excuse when I was six. "I'm just weird" isn't nearly as cool.
I also perked up at primordial used here. So like, these are ancient manifestations of each sin, somehow? Why has game freak not thought of this and WHEN are you selling them the idea, because this is BRILLIANT
Here he'd thought he'd have to go around and unplug every crib. While he was never truly above murder, mass infanticide seemed a little extreme for the circumstances.
So the pollen where I'm at right now is terrible and my sister in law and I just had a conversation about how horny trees fucking is giving everyone allergies. Damn nature, calm your tits.
Ah, there it is. Tbh I had never considered a human drug problem affecting pokemon in any way, but I guess, a brain is a brain and good feelings are good feelings. Dark and interesting and gripping concept.
Another case mentioned a trainer being arrested when they instructed their drugged-up coalossal to eat the opposing trainer’s vaporeon during a battle tournament.
The bodies, three trainers and two Pokemon, sat there for about a week before the smell of their collective decomposition alerted the other residents. Of course, nothing on them indicated where they might have gotten the drug from. He had been so disturbed that he didn’t talk to anybody for almost a week following the incident.
Wow, you nailed this. Do you know a cop or first responder personally? My dad was a paramedic for a long time, he hasn't actually been on an ambulance for 30+ years but if you get him talking about some calls, he still gets this look on his face and a certain tone to his voice. Some things just fucking haunt you.
“You wouldn’t need to, people would flock to see a shiny Pokemon do anything. People love the novelty,” another dancer said jokingly, prompting some agreeing chatter.
And apparently, people like giving them drugs, too, she thought bitterly.
There were implications to that sentence that made Odette feel blessed to have a friend so concerned about her mental state and disgusted that anything even needed to be hinted at in the first place.
Ugh the trauma here is so real. You're nailing this too.
Okay, break time. God I love me a dark gritty realistic pokemon take, this is giving me life. Your writing is very personal and hard-hitting. It's obvious there is a ton of thought and love here. It was honestly an honor to review it and I can't wait to keep reading!
Love the little quip between Noel and Elton re: going in the ball or not. Always good to have those moments of trainer-Pokemon camaraderie. Also I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but details like mating Castform affecting the weather are hilarious and make the region feel more alive.
And here we go, the follow up to the double identity thing. And it's... the inverse of what I'd been guessing! Clovis didn't have a secret identity as a figure skater; being a figure skater was the real identity and everything we've seen of him is the secret identity!
But that makes me wonder so much about his social ties. I highly doubt that anyone who currently has social interactions with "Clovis" ever had ties to the old Clovis. There's no way he could fool people that thoroughly, and tbh he's not even making any attempt to act out a certain personality. If anything, it's more like the original Clovis was a total unknown to people, so it's not that our Clovis had to somehow maintain a dead guy's existing social ties, but rather, he had the freedom to create ties in the role of a guy who never had any.
Name trickery is my jam, and so is characters with multiple identities. But man, this is gonna be hard to get used to. xD I'm so used to thinking of him as Clovis! And he's called Clovis in all the RPs and side material too. Normally I'd think "even if it's not his birth name, it's still his identity in a way, so it's not weird to keep thinking of him as Clovis" but given that the name was taken from a dead guy.
And then we get the truth about the blood legends and all of my wild confusion about them is finally cleared up lmao. I was right that they do indeed synchronize with humans via their blood, but they spawn in the shinines. Two totally separate phenomena that I was conflating. Also there's heckton more of them than I thought because I'd only been considering the legends. At least I was right that Venira has nothing to do with Enora. The legends just hit different. :V
Mannnn we're close to some Venira shenanigans. It's surprising that it's taken this long! (But also I am in NO position to talk, being they-who-didn't-introduce-the-human-legend-soulbond-until-chapter-36, lmao.)
Alright, after far too long, it's finally time for me to review chapter 7 of this fic! My apologies for the wait!
Extravagance is not something I'd want to be smelling. Seeing, sure, hearing, fine, but smelling it just seems overwhelming.
...alright, this is beyond extravagance. This is excessive. Why would anyone need a chandelier that big? I've seen too many scenes in games of chandeliers falling for this to end well.
I wonder who Elton John is?
So many Quagsires!
Ah. This is definitely some sort of place to do with the shiny Pokemon trafficking.
I feel sick just from the paragraph about the shiny Pokemon's well-being alone. This is not a good place.
Sometimes, you're beaten down so much that it feels like any attempt to fight back is completely futile, and you just...give up. I wonder if that's what these shiny Pokemon are experiencing.
All these brand names are gibberish to me, though I feel like that's part of the point in this chapter. Helps with the feeling of feeling very out of place.
This whole place is disturbing.
Splitting up sounds like a horrible idea.
This woman seems nice, but that Audino...I don't trust her.
Ah...I can relate. Sometimes, it really is too difficult to be ok.
CLOVIS! He's finally here!
Huh, that's interesting! Pecha cigarettes to make them healthier! Neat worldbuilding! Don't think it does anything for addiction, though.
Ah, it's so nice to finally read Clovis in-story! Was wondering when he'd show up!
The bit of banter between Odette and Clovis was great! Nice to see connections forming!
Eugh, Dorien.
Huh...seems like there's a lot of quotation marks around Clovis and Dorien's friendship.
I feel very on-edge reading Dorien's dialogue. You do a fantastic job making him repulsive.
Skimmed through the discussions about sex, sorry. Just...not very comfortable with that sort of stuff.
I am incredibly uncomfortable with every action Dorien takes and every word he says. Though I suppose that's the point, so good job!
...I don't think this battle will end well. I feel like sacrilege is involved.
OH! Blood types!
Very cool to finally see them in-fic!
...something is very, VERY wrong here.
I agree. Something is rotten here in Kalos.
This was an...interesting? chapter. Not that it's bad! There were several parts that I liked a lot, like Clovis' introduction! But, well...Dorien exists. Good chapter, though!
Author's Note: Hiya! Been a while. Made some small yet pretty significant worldbuilding changes, so if you haven't yet, please check out the most recent Patch Notes for those updates, as they'll be in play for the rest of the story. As always, thank you for reading, it means a lot to me 🤍
Valentin had suggested they follow him back to his apartment but realized about halfway out of his office that he was too inebriated to operate his car responsibly. So he made a call, and within ten minutes, a dark blue Mazda SUV was waiting outside for him.
“Not gonna lie, was expecting a Royce,” Noel said, sounding slightly disappointed. Valentin shot him a questioning look.
“Don’t rag on my baby,” he said. “It drives like butter, and it’s roomy. You can fight me on that.”
He approached the passenger side door, turning back to look at them again before getting in.
“Just keep up; it’s not too far from here,” he promised.
Despite his words, Odette felt like the ride to his flat was far longer than the ride to the ice rink. Her sense of time was being greatly fucked with by her full head. However, in the time spent in the zone of driving, she'd managed to calm herself off the edge of a breakdown. The chill breeze against her body and the exhilaration of weaving between cars on her bike was exactly what she needed to ground herself. For now, at least.
Even after that, she couldn’t decide if she was frazzled, floored, or infatuated. Either way, she squeezed the handlebars of her bike so tight, her joints screamed when she finally loosened them up once they neared the complex.
It wasn’t at all what she was expecting. Someone as wealthy as him was bound to live in a block of super luxury high-rises, right? Or even a mansion alone? But no. The building she followed him to looked no nicer than her and Noel’s. Not that they didn’t live in a relatively nice building, but it surely wasn’t any set of multimillion-euro flats. Just middle-class living, exactly where their collective socioeconomic standing was meant to be.
Noel’s hands against her shoulders tightened, and she felt him lean toward her ear, his helmet bumping hers. “You think they took a wrong turn?”
“I’m not really thinking, period,” Odette replied. And that was the gods honest truth. She couldn’t be surprised or underwhelmed by anything. Everything was just information now. If she wanted to keep her head on, that's how it needed to be.
She should have guessed that Valentin probably chose to live humbly, considering the car he was catching a ride in wasn’t anything over the top, even though someone was chauffeuring him. The vehicle looked well-kept and had clearly been detailed recently, but it couldn’t have cost him more than a few tens of thousands. She recalled him saying something about not being much of a car person when they’d spoken for the first time, and she could see now there might have been an air of truth to that.
The car pulled into the garage entrance, and he spoke to the attendant at the front gate, who waved him and soon her through. At least that was a step up from her and Noel’s building. They only had a box for gate codes, not a whole ass person manning it. She supposed that was fancy enough.
“Hopefully, that wasn’t a difficult drive for you,” Valentin said as he exited the car upon parking. Odette had slipped her motorcycle into the spot next to his, which he didn’t protest. “Told Max not to drive like a lunatic today.”
As Odette pulled her helmet off her head and shook her braids out, the driver’s side door swung open, and a casually dressed man stepped out. He was just as tall as Valentin, and his curly strawberry-blonde hair hung in neat ringlets around his forehead. His light freckles and rosy cheeks did not match the stern, sharp features he had.
“I am an excellent driver; I'm not sure what you’re yammering about,” he said in a huff, the Germanic accent light yet obvious on his tongue even through his Kalosian speech. “Would you have preferred if I’d have flown you home on Kasper instead?”
Valentin’s expression fell before morphing into an unamused glare. “You’re a real comedian, aren’t you?”
Strawberry-Blonde laughed lightly to himself as he ran his fingers through his hair. When it looked like he’d enjoyed his giggles enough, he sent an easy look to Odette and smiled warmly when their eyes met.
“Good afternoon. I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting,” he said. Odette hurriedly yet awkwardly swung her leg off the bike, stumbling a little as she tried to stand upright to greet him. Noel didn’t bother to help her, as he seemed preoccupied with staring at the new presence.
“Right,” Valentin sighed. “Miss Cinq-Mars, Mr. Massé, this is my very good friend slash right-hand man slash getaway driver slash the sole reason I haven’t fully lost my fucking mind, Maxence Drossel. Max, this is Odette Cinq-Mars and Noel Massé. We’ll be…working closely for a bit, so you might be seeing them frequently.”
Max appeared amused by the introduction, judging by how he playfully rolled his eyes as Valentin listed off his jobs. He held his hand out, and Odette moved to take it. “It’s nice to–” she started to say but was abruptly cut off by Noel bumping her aside with his hip and slipping in to take Max’s hand in both of his.
“It is so nice to meet you,” he said in a borderline drawl. Odette furrowed her brow, her mouth agape in annoyance. She glared at the side of his face, only to see that he looked positively dumbstruck.
Max grinned at the intrusion and regarded Noel with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Well, you’re an eager one, aren’t you?”
“That’s one way to put it,” Noel replied, practically purring. “Let me guess. You’re not from here?”
“Of course not; born and raised in Germania.”
That seemed to get Noel’s gears going because his brow raised as his lips curled into a flirtatious smile. “Oh, Germanians are always so fun.”
“What, you’re some sort of Germanian connoisseur?" Max queried. He was obviously entertained. "Noel, was it?”
“If I may be so blunt, feel free to call me anything you want.”
Odette could practically see the drool forming on the corners of Noel's mouth, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She supposed she had no room to be annoyed, as that would be hypocritical of her. It couldn’t be helped that Noel was a little more out there about how he handled his crushes.
But, as much as she didn’t want to cockblock Noel’s attempts at catching flings, there were more pressing matters. She sucked her teeth and dug her elbow into his rib, causing him to cry out in discomfort as he flinched away.
“Anyway,” she chimed in, “I hate to interrupt such a deep conversation, but we’re kind of on a mission here.”
Max nodded in understanding. “Of course. My apologies,” he said as he turned to hand Valentin, who looked perplexed by the interaction, the keys. Max stopped short when he saw Valentin’s face and frowned mockingly. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” Valentin said jokingly.
“You’re a pain,” Max said in a falsely annoyed scoff.
“What, you don’t want to take it out for the evening?”
The question prompted Max to shake his head. “C’mon, you know Kasper loves flying before a storm.”
He turned to head back to the front of the garage, but not before giving Odette another warm smile. She was put at ease at how friendly he seemed and particularly enjoyed watching Valentin act buddy-buddy with him. As much of a whirlwind as the day had been, she was enjoying how much of Valentin—the real Valentin—she was seeing.
“I hope you have a good day, Miss Cinq-Mars.” His eyes shifted slightly over to Noel, and she watched that mischievous glint return to his green eyes. “You as well, Mr. Massé.”
He walked off after that, and Odette felt Noel grab her arm and give it a squeeze.
“Yes, well. Follow me,” Valentin instructed as he turned to head for the door that led inside the complex.
“Holy mother, Val,” Noel said breathlessly, letting Odette go and hustling up to his side. “When were you going to tell me you had a fucking piece driving you around?”
Valentin quirked his brow as he pulled open the door for them. “Forgive me, but I didn’t think that was on your radar.”
“It’s always on my radar,” Noel responded, stopping in front of Valentin to place a hand on his shoulder. “Please indulge me in some good news and tell me he’s single.”
“Subtle,” Odette murmured under her breath as she walked by, prompting Noel to kick her in the calf. Probably deserved.
Valentin snickered, letting the door go as soon as they entered the spotless hallway. “I believe so. He’s never told me otherwise. But I’d recommend you take any other inquiries up with him. He prefers to do his own flirting.”
“I love a man who takes charge,” Noel said dreamily. “You think he’ll take me for a spin in your baby? Or on Kasper? Is he a bird-trainer?”
Valentin gave him a bemused look. “He does have an affinity for flying-types, yes. Pain in my ass," he said, sounding partially disgruntled. He shook it off rather quickly, though, sarcasm coming to lace his tone. "What, being the passenger on Miss Cinq-Mars’ bike isn’t exhilarating enough?”
“More like it’s just standard,” Noel huffed, giving Odette another nudge. “No offense to my bestie, but I wouldn’t say no to a scenery change.”
Odette was shaking her head. “What, is my driving that bad?”
“I think you look pretty handy on that thing, I must say,” Valentin complimented. “It’s cool. It suits you.”
The warm way he said it caused her lower gut to vibrate, and she had to stop to collect herself. Did he just call her cool? Was that flirting?
Gods, she was tired.
The trek from the garage up to the apartment wasn’t anything of note either. There was a doorman in the lobby, assisted by an infernape, and they both waved happily at Valentin as he walked by them. If anything else, the flooring and wall finishes were a tad nicer. Still, nothing she’d have expected out of a billionaire. Perhaps he just preferred things on the ordinary side. Or maybe he owned the entire building and happened to keep a personal room? Somehow she wouldn’t put that past him, but she decided not to ask.
The flat itself was more in line with what she’d been imagining: a penthouse, on the topmost floor of the building. When Odette watched him click the highest number button in the elevator, she had to stop herself from scoffing. The interior of the suite was just as nice as she'd anticipated as they approached the double doors at the end of the hallway.
Black hardwood floors and slate gray walls, paired with a kitchen of clean, state-of-the-art looking appliances, a living room fit with a sleek gray sectional, matching coffee table, a surround sound system, and fancy paintings depicting abstract forms of figure skaters and what she guessed were ice-type Pokemon. There was a balcony that stretched around the entire perimeter of the penthouse, with a panoramic sliding glass door serving as the primary window of the living room. Overcast light streamed into the space, and Odette could see both the high rise scenic view Lumiose's skyline and how fast the gray clouds were rolling in.
“Wow, this is swanky,” Noel declared as the door shut behind them. “Very much screams elusive billionaire.”
“You’ll be shocked to know I actually prefer smaller abodes. We moved here when my aurorus partner evolved; she needed the extra ceiling space,” Valentin replied, gliding into the kitchen. “Shoes off at the door. Please make yourself comfy, I don’t care where.”
Noel and Odette shared looks before pulling off their shoes and nudging them against the wall. They followed Valentin out of the foyer and into the kitchen, silently taking in the space. They were interrupted, however, when a glaceon hopped up onto the island. Noel flinched at the sudden intrusion but immediately calmed down upon seeing what it was.
“Oh, who’s this?” he asked delightfully.
“This is Love,” Valentin said. “She was my first partner, and she’s graciously been handling me since I was a kid. Love, this is Noel Massé, and Odette Cinq-Mars. They’ll be keeping us company for a while.”
As Odette eyed Love, she took in the stiff way she held herself and the way her piercing blue eyes trained on them. As Valentin finished his introduction, she finally released some of the tension from her body and bowed her head in a polite greeting.
“Good afternoon. It’s a pleasure,” Love said with an air of formality Odette would have expected out of a queen. She was pleased she could understand her better than she had Valentin’s snom; eeveelutions just all spoke similarly, thank the gods. She was suddenly smirking to herself, realizing that Love and Enora would probably get along. They seemed cut from a similar cloth, their adjacent species aside.
Recalling Enora, however, caused her expression to fall. The sylveon was none-the-wiser about the bombshell discussion they’d just had. Probably none-the-wiser about her probable ailment too. Or, she was completely aware and had just gone twelve years, not mentioning anything about it. Odette wasn’t sure which one was worse.
It was hard to dwell on it for too long because soon, the room was inundated with more Pokemon. Valentin’s team, who wasted no time in introducing themselves. A quiet cryogonal named Sprinkle, a confident-sounding weavile named Frosting, a bubbly aurorus named Glaze—Odette could understand why a penthouse would be needed for her; she was very tall—and of course, the cute snom named Powdered Sugar, who situated himself back on Valentin’s shoulder with help from Sprinkle.
“Where’s Donut?” Valentin asked after greeting his team. Love made a gesture toward the living room, where Odette finally noticed an apparent fish tank built into the wall behind the couch. A very large one at that. No sooner had Valentin said anything, a lapras swam into view, flashed a friendly and cheerful fin, then looped away.
The first thing Odette noticed was that none of them were shiny. Just regular colored Pokemon.
“Ah. Yes. Donut,” Valentin reiterated. “Also why we moved; I think most of the actual square footage here is her tank. It’s what I get for having such large members on my team, but if I can afford it, I’d like to ensure they’re comfortable.”
“Well, at least you’re accommodating,” Noel said.
“They do a lot for me, so the least I can do is make sure their living arrangements are up to par.”
It was apparent that all of his Pokemon looked…happy. Healthy. Odette couldn’t pick up on any nervousness from any of them, and the way they situated themselves around Valentin gave her some gist that they were close. The sight flushed her heart with warmth; seeing him with his entire team, in his home, was almost too much for her crush to bear. But here she was, in the flesh. Taking in the scene like she was watching an enthralling movie.
Surely one had to be at least a semi-decent person to worry so much about their Pokemon’s well-being, right? Much better than any of the other rich people she’d been forced to speak to up until that point. She was still resolving to stay cognizant around him, but she already felt better knowing that, at least at first glance, he cared for his teammates. And they seemed to care about him.
“Can I get you anything?” Valentin asked. “Drinks, snacks, whatever? Help yourself.”
“My appetite’s pretty lacking right now, if I’m being honest,” Odette answered. “But, I’m definitely looking to see that picture.”
“I’ll eat when I can confirm you’ve got stuff for us to look at, yes,” Noel added.
Valentin lowered his head into a lone nod. “Of course, I understand. Follow me,” he said, motioning out of the kitchen and toward a hallway that led down past the living area. Powdered Sugar remained set on his shoulder, but the others stepped aside as he walked away. Odette was first to follow, and she took notice of a partially built puzzle sprawled out on the dining table as she passed it.
She found herself leaning over to get a better look, enticed by the idea of sitting and enjoying an actual puzzle instead of the bullshit intangible one she was stuck in the middle of. She didn’t realize she slowed until Glaze trilled at her in concern. Odette couldn’t quite catch what the aurorus was saying but appreciated it nonetheless. She politely set a hand on Glaze’s front leg as she passed, and she trilled again, this time more excitedly. It settled Odette’s anxiety for a second.
It shot back up, however, when she and Noel entered Valentin’s office. When he’d insisted that he had “notes aplenty,” he wasn’t lying. It said something about his honesty and just how fucked she and Noel might have been on their own.
Valentin had several filing cabinets in his office back at the rink. Here had entire shelves and locked dressers. Books upon books took up the shelves, while stacks of files sat haphazardly on the desk that was pushed up against the back wall. Above it was a bulletin board, so full of sticky notes and thumb-tacked pictures and documents it was a wonder it hadn’t fallen off its hanger. There were actually multiple boards, all sporting equal amounts of notes. There was even a whiteboard with leftovers of a poorly erased list of bullet points pushed into a corner.
It felt like she was stepping onto the set of a TV show. It didn’t feel real.
“My gods,” Noel said, awestruck. “Five years got you to all this?”
“Five years plus the thirty-something my father and his associates had been at it, but, yes,” Valentin answered. His arms were crossed, and he was looking over all of his handiwork as if he were disgusted by it. Odette was quite impressed and utterly horrified by how much material there was, but she understood he looked that way. There shouldn’t have been a reason for it in the first place.
Valentin then approached one of the filing cabinets and pulled it open. He had to thumb through a few manilla tabs but eventually pulled one out.
“Here. It’s the only real photo we have of him. He certainly wouldn’t look like this anymore, but…”
He held out a smooth yellow envelope. Odette felt like she stared at it for a thousand years before she worked up the nerve to take it. Once it was actually in her hands, though, she had to stop herself from tearing the envelope open entirely.
The photo was old, and there was a date on it. November 1983. Two men in lab coats stood side-by-side with one another. The one on the right bore a rather striking resemblance to Valentin; she assumed that it was Jean-Louis. The man on the left, however…
He clearly took care of himself. Cleanly shaven, slicked-back black hair, and a set of relatively broad shoulders under the lab coat. At first glance, she couldn’t make out a resemblance, being that his features were so sharp, but the longer she stared, the more sense it made,
She’d always had a round face and the features to match, courtesy of her ever-effeminate mother. People mistook them for siblings all the time, so she had always assumed she’d been born a mere half-clone of Vienna Cinq-Mars. However, looking at Florent, she could make out the stark similarities.
The narrowness of his nose, the way he smiled, and his eyes. She briefly wondered if any of her sudden certainty was a confirmation bias. She knew people could convince themselves they looked like anyone who was remotely similar looking if they tried hard enough. And children didn’t always look like their parents; traits could skip generations.
But his fucking eyes. They had the same stern sharpness to them that Vienna could not have given her. And their color. That was the only thing leaving her second-guessing her possible partiality.
Maroon. They were stark maroon, present even in the faded colored ink of the photo. She’d never seen another soul with her eye color, and finally, beholding someone with it was the definition of jarring and served to tie all the similarities together.
“No, I see it,” Noel said. He was leaning over her shoulder now to get a better look at it.
“Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from, this is…” she said distantly as her thumb grazed over the image of Florent Lambourne. The man who was behind the biggest threat to Kalos in the past two decades; she was holding his picture.
There were far too many coincidences falling into place that were starting to point to him being her father. At what point did they stop being coincidences, though? How many needed to pile up before it was fact?
The uncanny resemblance was there. The timing was there. It was all there.
“This is fucking crazy.” Of course, she was stating the obvious, but she wasn’t sure what else there was to say.
On the few occasions she’d wondered about seeing her probable biological father, this was not how she’d pictured it. Though, from the very vague retellings Vienna had given her over the years, she never had much to go off of in the first place.
All she really had was that Vienna didn’t like him and that there was little to no chance that they would ever meet because he wanted nothing to do with a baby. Odette knew she was a lovechild, and she’d always been okay with that. Bernard had been the only father figure she ever needed or wanted, so the idea of who her paternal half was had never mattered.
Why couldn’t he have just been a lowlife deadbeat? Or a piece-of-shit big wig who had an affair? She’d be able to stomach either of those things easily; it would have made the most sense to her. It would have been comical, even. But a sinister cult leader with demonic legendaries under his belt? That was far harder to swallow.
“We do have a couple of artist renditions of what he might look like now, but they’re nothing concrete, and I would imagine it gets the same point across.”
Her eyes were still trained on Florent’s printed ones. Bits and pieces of the talks so far raced in circles around her shriveling brain, and soon, something about his gaze in the photo became almost…taunting. The way he stared back at her simply said, ‘Is this throwing you for a loop yet?’
She shoved the photo back into its envelope. Closing her eyes, she handed it back to Valentin. “I’ll look at them later,” she said. “The point has definitely crossed.”
He took it back without a word, carefully replacing it in the filing cabinet. “It’s in here under ‘Lambourne,’ should you decide you need another look,” he explained. He pushed the cabinet closed, then gestured to the rest of the room.
“As for everything else, it’s open to your viewing. Just try to keep things as organized as possible; it’s enough of a mess, and I’d rather not have even more to–”
Thunder rolled, and Valentin silenced himself. There didn’t appear to be a window in the office, and he was the first to shuffle out of the room and back down the hallway they’d come down. Odette and Noel followed behind him, and upon making it back to the living room, they could see there was no longer a skyline, but a blanket of white static. A flash of light illuminated the living room, only to be followed by yet another violent thunderclap.
“Oh, there’s that downpour,” Valentin commented.
“Om!” Powdered Sugar declared.
“20% chance of rain, my fucking ass,” Noel added. “That’s just great.”
Valentin turned to them, features contorted into a slight grimace. “Well, I hate to say it, but that should give you time to settle in and read what you want. I don’t imagine you’ll be taking a bike home in this.”
While Odette had driven in the rain before, what was coming down now looked like less-than-ideal driving conditions. It looked like it was picking up by the minute.
“Yeah, no thanks,” she said. Especially not with her current mental state. She couldn’t focus on any one thing right now, let alone trying to ride a motorcycle through a deluge.
“I could call for a car, but…this doesn’t look safe to be outside in general,” Valentin mused.
“We’ll give it an hour or so. Not like we’re looking to bolt, anyway,” Noel said. He sent Odette a look as if asking for approval on that suggestion. She merely nodded in agreement; she had no qualms about that.
She felt like she would need more than an hour to sort through her thoughts, anyway. It could storm all night for all she cared. The time would prove useful.
***
An hour passed, then two, then three, then four. When an emergency weather notification went out at the fifth-hour mark, urging anyone who got it to seek shelter and stay off the roads, it was only overkill at that point. With the way the rain never seemed to let up once in the hours Odette spent flipping through blood-type notes and pieces upon pieces of Team Enigma evidence, she didn’t need a weather warning to tell her that it was serious.
“Texted Maman and told her we're stuck at a friend’s house,” Odette said to Noel, her eyes down at RotomPhone, who was showing her the current forecast. She'd even gone out of her way to shoot Dorien a text, as letting him know that she wasn't stuck in the storm felt like a girlfriend thing to do, despite the fact she wanted to talk to him even less than she had before.
“Same,” Noel said, also scrolling through his phone. “Dad told me and Elton to just stay where we are anyway; he’d kill us if we tried to come home in this. Fucking castform really getting jiggy with it.”
The two of them had set up shop in the living room, sitting on the floor with piles of reading material taking up the coffee table, floor, and parts of the couch. Isaur and Elton had indulged themself in some skimming for quite some time, but when the clock struck 10, and there was no sign of a window to leave, they jumped into their balls for naps, exhausted by the mental hoops they’d jumped through today. Odette didn’t bother to stop either one of them because she’d have done the same if she could.
“I’m fried,” Noel grunted, slapping another file folder closed and adding it to his ever-growing stack of searched material.
“I’m deep fried,” Odette agreed with a yawn.
“Consensus?”
She looked over her shoulder toward the front door and down the other hallway she’d last seen Valentin go into. He’d realized there was no chance of anyone leaving any time soon and decided to go make up his guest room.
“If he’s lying, fuck me,” she whispered back to Noel.
“Well, you shouldn’t be saying that to me,” Noel smirked, nudging her with his leg. In return, she shoved him playfully.
Exhaling slowly, she eyed the heaps of pages they’d gone through. She was shaking her head before she realized it. “There is way too much here for this to be some scheme. Pictures, charts, written accounts, I–”
She met Noel’s pensive gaze. “I don’t see how any of this is made up.”
“I agree,” Noel said with a nod. “I owe him an apology because gods…fuck the podcasts, this is everything.”
It really was. ‘Notes aplenty’ had been an understatement. She’d spent her time reading several files about some of the blood type species, then files dedicated to the doings of some other Enigma suspects, before going into a very detailed account of all of Dorien’s day-to-day doings, starting from when they had first begun tailing him shortly after he had graduated secondary school. She’d been hoping to find something about why she had ceased contacting him before all of this, but nothing of that nature came up. It was minutely frustrating but hard to focus on alone when everything she read just served to make her crazier.
“Are you okay?” Noel asked after another bout of silence. It caused Odette to start.
“Huh?”
“Are you okay?” he repeated. "You were tensing up something fierce in his office, and I just wanna know where your head is at."
No, I'm not fucking okay, she thought. But everything within her protested that answer. She couldn’t think clearly about the evidence she was looking at if her mind was muddled with thoughts of being anything but fine.
She blinked slowly at him before lightly shaking her head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
It looked like he tried to suppress the jesting scoff that came out, but failed miserably. “Well, I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s noticed the sheer level of coincidences happening here pointing to you being a Team Enigma product.”
She started again, that time triggered by a sudden pulse of white-hot anger that shot up her spine. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” she menaced.
“Whoa, easy,” Noel said, raising his hands defensively. “I’m sorry, that was crass; I meant it as a joke.”
The apology did nothing to lessen her aggravation. In fact, it only increased the temperature of it. “Do you think this is something that we should be joking about right now?” she queried, shifting her body so she was facing him. “There isn’t anything funny about this; this is horrifying, Noel.”
He looked guilty now. Good. “Dee, I get it, I didn’t mean–”
“Do you?” she interrupted him.“Do you think I’m just totally vibing at the idea that I’ve somehow been involved with this cult shit before I was aware of it myself?”
He apparently didn’t have an answer. He was left sputtering dumbly to himself as she turned to lean back against the couch, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as she tucked her knees in as closely as she could. Her eyes slipped shut as she went to work fiddling with the fabric of her jacket sleeves, silently rationalizing to herself why she needed to calm down.
It was just a joke. It’s Noel. He jokes about everything. He didn’t mean any harm by it. He’s still your friend. If Florent Lambourne is your father, that won’t change.
Right?
She was soon shaking her head again. All the thoughts, feelings, and angst came rushing back with no warning, and she could once again hear her heartbeat in her ears. But, she kept focusing on just her hands. “Gods, maybe this really all was a bad idea…”
“If all this ends up pointing in the direction I think it is, this was going to catch up with us anyway,” Noel said curtly.
All her breathing, fiddling, and rationalizing went out the window. She was soon up on her knees, her vision swimming in the redness of fury. “What do you mean the ‘direction you think it is?’”
Noel let out a scathing laugh. All the guilt from before had seemingly vanished. “Oh, c’mon, Odette, don’t get defensive stupid on me now; you know damn well what I mean. How much of this needs to line up before it might just be fact?”
She’d thought the same thing earlier. So why was hearing it out of Noel’s mouth so absolutely infuriating? All she wanted to do right now was punch him, throw something at him even. She gripped the couch cushion with the intent to launch it. However, before she could fathom how to do so, her lips had detached from her rampaging brain and went off on their own crusade.
“And what do you mean ‘us,’ this is a ‘me’ problem,” she spat. “You can dip whenever the fuck you want, but if everything here is actually true, I’m the only one who’s fucked here. When it’s all said and done, you really have no reason to care aside from morbid curiosity.”
A coil of regret tightened around her heart as she watched the exasperation fall off Noel’s face, replaced by sheer hurt. He blinked as if still trying to comprehend the words she’d just mindlessly flung at him.
“Morbid curiosity was a start, but if it’s my best friend’s life on the line, I think I have more than enough reason to care,” he said. “I just assumed we were in this together.”
Fuck, no, I’m sorry. I know. We are, she wanted to say. She never wanted to see him make such a face. But her lips were still running on their own, She still felt like she wanted to break something. She still felt absolutely enraged.
“Yeah, well,” she said, unsure how to craft an answer when her entire being was split, “your dad’s normal. Mine may not be. So, to answer your overall question, no, I’m not okay. Happy?”
In the heat of their argument, Odette hadn’t noticed that Valentin had come back from the bedroom. When she finally saw him, she had to assume he’d been standing by for quite a bit. His hands were clasped over his stomach, and he looked like he was fidgeting with his feet as he pressed his lips together uncomfortably.
“Oooooooo...kay,” he said after a moment. “Sorry for…interrupting, but I’ve prepared the guest room. I don’t imagine the storm is letting up any time soon, so you’re welcome to crash in there until it does. I can set one of you up on the couch if–”
Noel was standing up before Valentin finished talking. “I’m gonna go to the room,” he mumbled as he walked off.
Odette watched him go. Her guilt screamed at her to go after him, but her anger told her to stay in place because she knew she was right in some sense. All that manifested was her sighing and laying her forehead on her knees.
“That’s, uh…” Valentin spoke after a small eternity.
“Sorry,” she said, lifting her head to rub her eye. “We don’t…argue like that very often, I’m just…”
Cutting her eyes over to him, she saw him wearing that same sympathetic look he’d given her in the office. She supposed she could accept that; he could have easily been far more ticked off over two of his guests having a heated argument in his living room. The graciousness was appreciated.
“On edge? I get it. I would be, too, if I were in your shoes,” he said.
Odette flexed the corners of her lips, trying to grin at him. She found that she didn’t have it in her and settled for a thankful nod before hugging her legs and resting her chin on her knees. Onset numbness from her conflicting emotions left her stalled, and all she felt like she could do was sit there and listen to the thunder shaking the sky and heavy rain hitting the balcony.
She was brought back to attention by Valentin clearing his throat. Glancing back at him, she saw that he was now swinging his arms, which he brought together in a quiet clap. “Well…I don’t…I don’t know what you like to do when you’re high-strung, but in this house, we build puzzles. When the gym is closed, and I’ve had my booze intake for the day.”
He gestured over to the table that the puzzle was on, raising his eyebrows and smiling crookedly.
Aw hell yeah, I don't remember if I knew he had one of these, but I am thrilled for cryogonal rep! Given that Clovis is somewhat of an important character throughout the whole fic, I hope we see more of his team, too.
“Where’s Donut?” Valentin asked after greeting his team. Love made a gesture toward the living room, where Odette finally noticed an apparent fish tank built into the wall behind the couch. A very large one at that. No sooner had Valentin said anything, a lapras swam into view, flashed a friendly and cheerful fin, then looped away.
Jesus, he's got a tank for his lapras?? That must take up like, half the complex! Maintaining that must be a nightmare, and god forbid it leaks into the apartments below!
One of those "one on the right"'s should be a left, I think.
Also, "the more sense it made" has a comma where it should be a period.
I... don't have a whole lot to add beyond this, really. More confirmation of things Odette basically already knew but didn't want to believe. Their fight was sad, and I'm sure they'll make up somehow pretty fast. And Odette gets some time with Clovis with that puzzle! (I wonder how long we're going to keep using Valentin, or if that's just the new norm?)
I love Clovis' team, too. Ice is a great type that just isn't seen often enough. Oh, and I enjoy the pre-chapter edits about the altar thing. Very witchcraft! I wonder what exactly it does to power up her team, though? (I've only seen the edit notes, not gone back to actually read it, so maybe I should check that out next.)
Anyway here's hoping we won't have to wait too long for the follow-up for this one! (Since I know it's done already, heh.)
I'm already super intrigued by Florent; even the thought that he had about killing babies makes me fairly certain he's gonna be the antagonist, although he seems a little better by the end.
The moment i heard that he had a child he didn't want anymore of an important bloodline i was instantly like [this is def the main character lol].
This was such a hook and I'm instantly drawn in to read more, in fact i kinda wanna learn more about Vienna she seems dope.
Ok instantly 7 deadly sins incorporated, i love it. i wonder if that means you're gonna include the 7 virtues or whatever it's called. Overall hype af, I'm gonna be reading more fasho.
Aaand there she is, the main attraction, Odette! I like her already, she seems to have a strong moral compass and thinks for herself. Someone told her there was a Shiny Trade, but she took it upon herself to find out why it's actually bad.
I like Noel, too! He seems like an energetic dude and a great grounding friend for Odette (seems like she needs it with all her mental health issues)
I also love Acadia, maybe even more than Noel...usually I'm not a fan of a stickler characters but she so clearly just cares about Odette that I can't help but 'aww'.
Story-wise, I'm super excited to see where everything goes! I love how Odette is already kind of connected to the Shiny Trade since she has a shiny sylveon (adorable), and by extension whatever nefarious things are going on with the drug epidemic. I wonder if we'll find out how she got the sylveon. Also, seems like the sylveon can talk (although if I understood it correctly, only to her by thought), which is a cool concept. I can't wait to get more insight into the Enora's personality!
I'm excited to see how her life unfolds in Alola, especially with mentions of the Pokemon League and the Dancing Elite Group or whatever. Chapter 2 here I come!
Turns out Odette is a little bit of a psycho, but i love that, it gives some awesome characterization. There’s clearly more her than meets the eye. Seems like she was taken advantage of and ended up killing someone in self defense, two mental health crushing incidents in one. Enough to fuck anybody up.
Other than that, I love Noel and Odette’s friendship, they’re like siblings fr. Also, I’m excited that we got to meet the rest of her team! The Chandelure has anger problems (kinda like Odette lol) and the Froslass is such a mood. Mimikyu is another fairy type and another ghost type; Odette clearly has a preference. And sheesh what a troublemaker Mimikyu is. I’m writing this on my phone or else I would go back and try and mention them by name, but i’m sure Ill get used to them eventually!
Overall, great chapter! Building dynamics between Odette and her Pokémon and the Pokémon with each other. I also got a much better view of what kind of person Odette is, even just the fact that she’s a biker helped me characterize her in my head. Hype to see the training next!
Absolute banger of a chapter! I love the small little mentions of Odette's grandfather; it's clear that he's important to her but he's unfortunately in a dangerous role. I hope nothing bad happens to him (I've been scarred by similar tropes 😭). Also the fact that her grandmother calls her little Swanna is so goddamn precious.
I like the little worldbuilding with the inclusion of classes and university. The little note about Isaur having a Focus Sash introduces the idea of items being used in this fic, which I'm all for. I also consume some competitive battling content so I'm hyped that there's a big focus on strategy during battles. I love battles and strategy. Did I mention I love strategic battles?
Now Dorien. Sheesh that is a heavy hitting character. The moment he kept flirting with her even though she was obviously giving her the cold shoulder gave me eerie vibes, like something about him was slightly sub-human (which I'm sure was exactly what you were going for).
The battle. That was SOOOO cool. I think I might have mentioned how much I like well-written, strategic battles, and this definitely hit both. Dorien got increasingly creepy throughout which I thought was done perfectly. I like the idea that Odette channels her emotions into different things like acting/singing and battling, and her Pokemon also help her calm down. I love that Loïc really showed his reliability in this battle to knock that Ferrothorn down.
Finally, plot! Ok so clearly Dorien is using Sacrilege to drug up his Pokemon cuz he's from a rich family. You know who else is from a royal/rich family? Florent. Is there a connection? I wonder. I also wonder what role Dorien will play in the near future of the story. I'm excited to find out!
Fun chapter! It was great seeing the dynamic between Odette and Bernard, I can tell they care deeply for each other. The little Oreo race was cute, although with all the other Pokemon references I half expected you to call them Blitzle Cookies or something lmao.
I love how even in a chapter where it's just 2 character's interacting, the plot is still progressing. What's the deal with the note? Is Bernard doing more dangerous things than he already is? I have a feeling that investigating the note is gonna get Odette a little too deep into this.
Also, I'm a dumbass for not realizing this until they were talking analytically about her anger issues. Duh. She's fucking Wrath no shit she has anger issues lolol.
And the adventure begins! This chapter seems like a bit of a setup, and I fw it. Clearly curiosity killed the cat and I swear it's gonna kill me too with how invested I am. Who is this JL Menetries???
I didn't mention it earlier, but seeing Pokemon play games is funny, like monopoly and twister. Reading these types of scenes helps me imagine them as one big family.
Enora is being a little bit difficult, huh? I like that the relationships between Odette and her pokemon are explored more this chapter, and that even her best pal Enora things aren't always sunshine and rainbows. I'm ready for things to get rolling!
You teeaaaseeeee. I can't believe they don't meet for so long! [Says this when their fic's human-legend pairing doesn't happen until chapter thirty-freaking-six.]
