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Hey! Here for Catnip. As you requested, I've read the revised first chapter. I skimmed the prologue for a recap as well, but I didn't pick up much that had changed so I have no comments to give there. As the second half of this chapter also seemed to match the content of the corresponding scene in the previous, my commentary there will be limited to comparisons to the old version. Alright, let's go.
The victim, 25-year-old Gervais Morel, was found unconscious in his car. His Pokemon, a Simisear, attempted to take a firearm from one of the first responders, and was subsequently gunned down. The Simisear was later found to have lethal amounts of sacrilege in his system. The Lumiose City PD declined to--
I don't remember how exactly the old Chapter One began, but I'm willing to bet this is a better hook. It is unfortunate, though, that the idea of a drug named "sacrilege" really yeets me out of the story because... god, I hate to become the people I have hated, but it just feels really edgy to me. I'm not a drug expert, but "sacrilege" does not feel like a natural drug name. It feels like whoever named it was trying really hard to be cool. I am guessing that this name comes from Team Enigma (or whoever distributes this drug, the mention of Enigma could be a red herring for all I know), but even then I feel like people would start calling it something else after they got it. The way I understand it, drug names are made to be either marketable, euphemistic or both. "Sacrilege" feels like it only appeals to metalheads, and if you talked to your friend about doing some sacrilege, people that heard it would get suspicious. I'd get the name if the drug actually had a very specific effect of causing some users to go out in the street and yell blasphemous statements, but it seems people just get regular hard drug crazy. The setting also really does not seem to have religion as a large part of it, so "sacrilege" doesn't really feel like code for "contrarian", just more like code for "would be contrarian in a really religious part of the world and/or a hundred years ago".
This concludes my angry rant about the name of a fictional drug.
I'm not completely sure, but I think this may have been the only line of description this chapter had for a character that wasn't Odette. I probably wouldn't have minded otherwise since the mind can usually fill in some blanks, but having this very specific part of someone's appearance given to you without anything else feels like its brings attention to the fact that we're missing details. I think describing Noel's face rather than just his eyes could do much to mend that already in his case. A character being described as having, for example, a round face already paints much more vivid an image than the color of their eyes.
They were silent for a moment, and Odette heard the sound of something being rolled behind her. She turned her head, just in time to catch two of the stagehand Machamps, dressed arms to to toes in black, moving one of the light props to set on this side of the stage. She snapped twice, drawing their attention.
“Hey!” she whispered. “Stage right, not left. Other side.”
This parts makes me wonder a lot about Pokémon agency and intelligence in this world. I know that this and the Sylveon (whose name I already freaking forgot because I suck) understanding speech pretty well seems consistent with what we have had in the anime and games, but for me those mostly work only when the setting is removed enough from our reality so we can make optimistic assumptions like "most trainers and 'mon employers make sure to respect the rights of Pokémon and not exploit them and there are no widespread problems with power dynamics" and not wonder further about whether the characters are happily perpetuating a Pokémon rights problem throughout the story. When the story strongly involves the uglier side of humanity, though, like narcotics and sexual assault, these questions about the uglier side of Pokémon training also surface.
But,
this is also a subjective take and I know firsthand that a lot of stories just don't have the time or space to go into Pokémon politics, so you can kind of just go ahead and ignore this rant. (The second one in this post!)
Also, unrelated to all that, there's an extra "to" in "dressed arms to to toes in black".
Another case mentioned a trainer being arrested when they instructed their drugged-up Coalossal to eat the opposing trainer’s Vaporeon during a battle tournament.
Guys don't tell anyone but I think Noel might be gay.
---
General Thoughts
Since I read the previous version of the chapter quite a long time ago, my comparisons are mostly going to be based on my old review and the things I pointed out there. You'll be pleased to hear that I think basically everything mentioned has become better! With people doing more tangible things while they spoke - being in the middle of a rehearsal especially made it feel like things were actively going on - I felt more present in the moment, too. Odette's interactions with her friends feel much less one-sided, but her having gone through a change for the worse due to her trauma is still clear. The nature of said trauma is also clearer - I was actually surprised so much was revealed in this version as the previous one made me think the plan was to keep it a secret until some dramatic reveal later - and that makes her a lot easier to relate to. I also think its presentation was great: clear in its implication while still keeping subtle.
I was going to write yet another rant about how I don't really buy people not already having made the connection Noel did if this drug crisis has been going on for years and social media appears to be a thing, but I've stopped myself because it's another thing I'm pretty sure the story needs for its plot to happen which means pointing it out would just be nonconstructive fuming. Instead, I'll end this review here since that was basically the last thing I had anything to say about. Still don't think this story is really for me, but it'll definitely be interesting to see where this goes from here if it lands on me on a future Catnip again. Good luck with writing and see you around!
Hey Canis! Thanks for the review! Wanted to come back with some thoughts, of course, instead of finishing chapter 8...because I know where my priorities are LOL.
I don't remember how exactly the old Chapter One began, but I'm willing to bet this is a better hook. It is unfortunate, though, that the idea of a drug named "sacrilege" really yeets me out of the story because... god, I hate to become the people I have hated, but it just feels really edgy to me. I'm not a drug expert, but "sacrilege" does not feel like a natural drug name. It feels like whoever named it was trying really hard to be cool. I am guessing that this name comes from Team Enigma (or whoever distributes this drug, the mention of Enigma could be a red herring for all I know), but even then I feel like people would start calling it something else after they got it. The way I understand it, drug names are made to be either marketable, euphemistic or both. "Sacrilege" feels like it only appeals to metalheads, and if you talked to your friend about doing some sacrilege, people that heard it would get suspicious. I'd get the name if the drug actually had a very specific effect of causing some users to go out in the street and yell blasphemous statements, but it seems people just get regular hard drug crazy. The setting also really does not seem to have religion as a large part of it, so "sacrilege" doesn't really feel like code for "contrarian", just more like code for "would be contrarian in a really religious part of the world and/or a hundred years ago".
So, for the drug name, I was following the lead of a movie I really like LOL. Let me explain.
I know you don't live in the US, but there's a popular comedy movie franchise that was released a couple years ago called 21 Jump Street (if you've heard of/seen it, please excuse my explanation LOL). The second film in the series, 22 Jump Street, follows the protags while they track down a synthetic drug called "WHY-PHY"--which means, literally "Work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes." The drug is, in essence, Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed with other shit (from what I remember), and it causes the user to do what the name entails...work hard and play hard, before crashing.
So following that logic, "Sacrilege" is a drug that causes people to start doing things that are in line with acts among the seven deadly sins (i.e. eating so much your stomach explodes, Gluttony). Of course, the seven deadly sins are sacrilegious, so that's where the name came from.
There's a lot of drugs out there that have stupid names, honestly. I literally once smoked a strain of marijuana called "Joker's Bullet" or something edgy and ridiculous like that (and the package had Joaquin Phoenix's Joker on it, the eyeroll I did dear god). So, all things considered, I don't necessarily think a name like "Sacrilege" is too far out there, especially given the explanation behind it!
This parts makes me wonder a lot about Pokémon agency and intelligence in this world. I know that this and the Sylveon (whose name I already freaking forgot because I suck) understanding speech pretty well seems consistent with what we have had in the anime and games, but for me those mostly work only when the setting is removed enough from our reality so we can make optimistic assumptions like "most trainers and 'mon employers make sure to respect the rights of Pokémon and not exploit them and there are no widespread problems with power dynamics" and not wonder further about whether the characters are happily perpetuating a Pokémon rights problem throughout the story. When the story strongly involves the uglier side of humanity, though, like narcotics and sexual assault, these questions about the uglier side of Pokémon training also surface.
I was going to write yet another rant about how I don't really buy people not already having made the connection Noel did if this drug crisis has been going on for years and social media appears to be a thing, but I've stopped myself because it's another thing I'm pretty sure the story needs for its plot to happen which means pointing it out would just be nonconstructive fuming. Instead, I'll end this review here since that was basically the last thing I had anything to say about. Still don't think this story is really for me, but it'll definitely be interesting to see where this goes from here if it lands on me on a future Catnip again. Good luck with writing and see you around!
Yeeeaaaaaaah you wouldn't be the only one to clock me for that. Had a hard time finding something to put in that place because my brain is smooth, BUT, I actually rewrote that whole part with Noel's revelation to contain even bigger, better information that's actually noteworthy, and packs a bit more of a punch (and as a result I had to go back and edit it into every goddamn chapter AHHHH). So, you could give that a gander if you want! Falling back into my previous point, it gets into that ‘problematic Pokemon ownership’ thing!
Clovis! I admit I mostly know him just from seeing the mafia thread in very brief passing (and okay let's be real it was 100 pages and I did not read all of it) so mostly I'm just coming into this knowing the one meme.
(and, note from the future, wow did this really age well)
A lot of this chapter is about characters bouncing off of one another, Odette trying to be a really cool and non-obvious infiltrator of high society, and high society in general. I have some notes on that in the worldbuilding spoiler so I won't really settle on that one too long here. I really enjoyed Noel's presence here + how his popularity brings out Odette's lingering doubts/self-worth questions. It's a really real feeling to be happy for your friends and then have that kind of gut-twist at the end where watching their success makes you feel bad; I liked how that scene went down, and in general how Noel is able to thread through these situations pretty seamlessly while Odette and even Dorien or Clovis are kind of bumbling around a bit. The recurring theme of personal dramas getting in the way of actual plot developments and then merging in the worst ways continues!
Clovis is a fun foil to Dorien. I'm curious about Odette's read on him, and I think a lot of this chapter does feel filtered through her, so it's hard for me to get an actual read on him--in Odette's eyes he's impossibly dreamy and suave and all of his jokes are so funny she can't breathe when she's around him and owo he doesn't eat the rich but he does act like he wants to yeet the rich ... he's just not like those other guys uwu. So! Forgive me if I take a lot about him with a grain of salt for a while! Definitely an effective way to show Odette's infatuation with him. I also like what he brings to the table--Dorien's the obvious powerful rich creep, but Clovis ?? might be ??? and just not as blatantly shit at hiding it???? and even if he's not I think the tension of not knowing that is a nice introduction to the dynamic.
The fakemon legendaries from the end seem to have their sets rounding out as well? It's kind of creepy watching them ritually summoned and their designs/names are pretty cool. I had some weird commentary on the performative nature of pokemon battling that I don't think is super relevant here, but in general I think having this fancy gala to show off how you captured (what I think? are?) your countries gods is definitely a way to start flexing hard on the plebs, and in general a good way to show how few fucks you give.
(A lot of worldbuilding stuff ended up sucked into the spoiler--sorry for the shitty organization this time around!)
Overall a fun chapter though. I found myself taking a break somewhere in the middle, but the concepts were strong. Some line-specifics--mostly shitposts, some worldbuilding things, a lil phrasing, and that one grammar thing that keeps popping up--but in general I thought this chapter flowed really smoothly.
I have a bit of trouble keeping track of how large pokemon are supposed to be here. If he's sitting on heads, then the dex height/weight of 4 feet/50+ pounds doesn't seem super plausible since necks aren't really known to be load bearing. And in this world would talonflame still be raptor-esque? If they're even mildly adapted to be prey birds I don't really know if sitting on human heads is an option. Even smaller, non-fictional raptors have wicked claws--it's not even a matter of them specifically wanting to hurt you or not; it's just that inch-long talons will absolutely shred flesh.
I dunno! It's kind of weird nitpicking since the anime has like, Ash carrying Larvitar on his head as if that isn't a 200 lb rock baby. But there's a lot of realism added in this fic about guns, drugs, etc--so it's a little hard to keep track of what gets handwaved and what keeps the realism stick.
(Noel having stylized hawk gloves or shoulder pads would be dope af tho I'm definitely not biased)
Isaur and Talonflame looked at one another. Talonflame then shrugged, and hovered off of Noel’s head, down to Isaur’s level. He strung his wing into Isaur’s arm, then pulled her off toward a nearby table, where two Quagsire in waiter vests were handing out plates of finger foods.
Pokemon agency in this world continues to confuse me a little too! Solene is capable of making recipes and Isaur is pushy about what's playing on TV, but here it kind of seems like they need suggestions for what to do and they get sent off like children? Which is, paradoxically, both more and less agency than I was expecting haha. Plus in the context that some pokemon are capable of working jobs (quagsire's all dressed up oh noooo my heart)--where exactly do pokemon actually stand in this society? Do they even get paid or is this just actual exploited labor in the room that's more or less funded by legal exploited labor?
It's kind of fun to see which issues rub Odette the wrong way (like the shiny trade) and which things she just brushes off as window dressing--I do think it's pretty realistic tbh; there's a lot of weirdness in our world that we're blind to as well. But also as a reader I'm curious if this is Odette not reading into things, or just society in general!
They were known to be rare, but the way they were occurring throughout the space would probably have any lesser educated person thinking they were somewhat common.
I'm not sure if "lesser educated" is right here, since it implies some sort of schooling--knowledge of social evils isn't always tied to education, I guess? Like the people in this room are presumably from positions of wealth and privilege and are much more likely to have higher education, and they probably also think that this is common/normal. I think something like "less informed" might convey the same thing without immediately suggesting school/education.
Although I'd also add that "they were known" sort of implies that this is a general knowledge, so it reads like:
> "[General knowledge is that they are rare] but [there are a lot of them here] so [someone with only general knowledge would think they aren't rare]"
Which as a sentence doesn't really track. I think tweaking might help a bit--some spitball suggestions, although I don't think I really nailed down the core meaning/tone yet+ I don't really love the reliance on general-you that I introduced:
> "They were known to be rare, but from a cursory glance around the room, you'd think they were a dime a dozen"
> "Most people were lucky to see one shiny pokemon in their lifetime--they were so rare that most people wouldn't even realize what they were looking at if they didn't know already--but you wouldn't think that from looking in this room"
> "They were known to be rare, but someone less familiar with the specific species in the room might've just thought these were their regular colors."
Frustrating also came to mind too. How many of those ‘mon were humanely caught, rather than purchased through the stupid trade? Probably not a lot, and that thought alone was enough to make her grind her teeth.
This is a topic of extreme interest to me and I am incredibly sorry for all the tangencies on worldbuilding. I do love the hard turn we've taken on the shiny trade since the early days and in general this is a topic I'd thought of basically never before it came up in WSBS and now I think about it a lot!
I'm particularly interested in Odette's use of "humanely caught"--what does that actually mean to her? Loic low-key seems to hate her a fair bit, and she more or less just had him extracted from her crawlspace on a tropical island and then shipped him around the world because her mom didn't want to deal with him at the time. And Odette's kind to him, sure, in the sense that she doesn't physically hurt him and mostly relies on promises of treats (although she does raise her voice)--but at the core of their interactions is sort of this grudging, I don't actually want to be here, with you from him that isn't yet resolved. He doesn't really have the agency to go back to Alola until Odette does, because he's a small ghost in a paper bag and cannot get on a plane--so in a very real sense he's sticking around because he doesn't really have a choice.
So ... in that sense, does this count as humane to Odette? Because visibly the pokemon in this room probably aren't any worse off than Loic is; if anything, they're at least allowed to go outside with their owners and go to fancy parties--not really a big prize to be able to be your owner's arm candy if you don't actually want to be around them, but if the two options are be "locked in your owner's house" or "not", I don't really know if there's winning.
There's the big boogeyman of "inhumane catches" being Team Rocket with guns and zappy nets and cages or whatever, but on some level I think the bar for "is this humane or not" circles around "does this pokemon actually want to be with you"--obviously tasering a pokemon because it's pink instead of purple and then tying it up and hitting it until it complies is blatantly wrong, and also more wrong than just catching the annoying pokemon under your house and then holding it somewhere else until it stops being a pain in your ass while it very vocally makes it known that it doesn't want to be with you, but I think the core knot I keep picking at here is that both of those things are past the bar of humane for me, since they both ignore the pokemon's consent.
And like it's tricky, too, since as readers we're more or less reassured that Odette probably isn't a bad person and isn't intentionally being inhumane to Loic; he's just being a little bit of a trickster shit when he acts out and expresses his displeasure about his own capture situation, but he'll probably come around eventually so it's all fine in the end--but that's something that the audience knows, not Odette.
And again! I actually really like this hypocrisy, especially if it's being built intentionally--like with the quagsire waiters it's easy for us to pearl clutch at the issues we know other people are doing wrong, while also closing our eyes and gently forgiving ourselves because we know we're acting with only the best intentions. It does feel very human, very "baby's first foray into understanding that the real world is sticky"--turns out that by existing and doing the things society tells you are correct, you can still be doing things that you'd call immoral in someone else.
Noel was very obviously flattered by the introduction, but he was particularly caught on this woman’s name. Odette only knew that much because she was too.
This is kind of hard to parse--does she really know that he's particularly caught on the woman's name, or is she just projecting? It's kind of a weird mix of third omin/third close, but it straddles the line of stating the facts that Odette assumes vs the actual facts in a way that makes it kind of strange. I think something like "Noel was very obviously flattered by the introduction, but he seemed particularly caught on this woman's name. Or, at least, that's what Odette was stuck on."
Didn't quite follow what he expects to get heavy on his end? Seems more like Odette would be the one who needs to cry for help, since they both know she'll need to have to talk to Dorien at some point, so I was expecting him to ask her to message if things got rough.
This is a great sentiment (talked about that a bit higher), although I did get confused with "the part of her" and "her whole body"--it's somewhat implied that these are different parts, since they're so at odds with one another feelings-wise, but what part of her isn't really included in "her whole body"?
She hadn’t planned to say it as loud as she did, and she only realized her mistake when the man started laughing, almost uncontrollably. He had to pull the cigarette out of his mouth and dip his head into his hand to muffle his laughs.
I struggle a bit with writing comedy in fiction, but usually when there are sections where characters are full-body uncontrollably laughing at things I don't think are ridiculously funny, it strikes me as a bit overexaggerated--it's kind of like the equivalent of someone literally rolling on the floor laughing their ass off when realistically "lmao" is more of an amused exhale in my experience. It feels kind of like the comedic equivalent of "show don't tell", or the obnoxious laugh tracks in Big Bang Theory--the wittier banter will make itself known without someone literally needing to flag to the audience that everyone is supposed to laugh, and the less witty bits can stand on their own as conversational.
“I can’t quite tell, but you look a little too young to be over here,” he suddenly said. Odette bristled at the sound of his voice. Her shoulders went rigged as she slowly cut her eyes back to him.
“I’m twenty-two,” she griped.
His inquisitive expression didn’t fall, but something behind his eyes began to scream with embarrassment.
“Well if we’re gloating about personal designers, this suit’s a custom from Rei Kawakubo, of the one ‘Comme de Garchomp.’” He spoke with the same level of jest, but Odette could simply tell he was being serious. She bit the rim of her glass.
! is she not counting Loic as a fairy in this because she thinks he's mostly a ghost, because she doesn't consider him as one of her team (even though he hard carried that last fight!), or because counting dual types is hard and also counting is hard rip odette
I thought it was kind of weird that she gives all their names--feels like a lot more exposition than a simple conversation would really have room for. Even if she is super close to them! Like, when someone asks how many siblings are, the response is usually "I have three--two brothers and a sister"; you don't really go into naming them until they're meeting face to face or they become more important individually.
"fairing" is the funny plastic bit on the front of motorcycles; I think you want "faring" here
"fatass" also feels kind of cruel given Odette's general relationship with eating in general. :( And again, not entirely unrealistic that we lash out at people for the things we're most self-conscious about, but it's kind of played off as a joke here even though she knows exactly what it's like to be shamed for this, and Dorien making fun of her eating too little was such a visceral conflict in the previous chapter, so it's kind of hard to see this as a joke? Idk. Shaming Isaur (after encouraging her to go find food to eat so she don't bother Odette) definitely seems like a recipe for eating disorders/self-esteem and reads more abusive than anything else, especially coming from someone who expects sympathy/privacy about her own struggles with eating.
I actually picked this gif just based on mafia!Clovis and his thing with Pixie, but wow did it age well.
I don't fully understand this joke though haha. Like, "You caught me, I'm a horse fucker" wouldn't really make me double over in laughter (this might tie more into the laugh track/narration flagging jokes when they don't necessarily have to be flagged), but also, I don't really think pokemon are 1:1 analogous to animals in this world. Some of them work jobs, all of them appear very smart, and in general they seem more integrated/valued in society than just random pets, or even extremely exotic pets. Based on how you've set up this world though, I don't really follow how joking about pokemon bestiality would parse as a joke I guess--like they read more to me like they're treated kind of like children, so the closest analog I could think of here was "you caught me, I fuck children", which I admit left me more confused than entertained, especially compared to Odette. I think I'm mostly reading this wrong though! I just don't have a complete idea of where pokemon stand in this universe.
“No, actually,” he said. “I figure skated competitively for--" He caught himself, then cleared his throat. Panic flashed in his eyes for a short moment, gone as quick as it appeared. If she wasn’t staring right at him, she might have missed it.
She felt like she’d been on cloud nine while she was alone with this man, was immediately shot down to hell at the sound of Dorien’s voice. No sooner had his words carried through the smoking area, did he emerge at Clovis’s side.
Here I struggle a bit with what pokemon are supposed to be in this setting--like if they're remotely close to being considered equal to humans, then touching them without their consent is weird! Even if they're childlike. And also condescending, but mostly just a violation of personal space. But if they're dogs/pets/things that are considered socially acceptable to pat on the head as you leave, then joking about fucking them is also weird I guess?
Dorien cleared his throat. The sweat beads seemed to be multiplying.. “Oh, yes. Super close,” he said. The doubtfulness in his tone was absolutely hilarious. She had to wonder if he knew he was lying to himself.
I struggle to really get a metric on how much chess Dorien is playing. At this point I kind of get the feeling that everyone here is really bad at chess but is pretending to be really good at chess? Which is kind of weird to read about, I guess--it's a lot of people claiming they're way better at a thing than they actually are, and then they all trip over each other and it's kind of awkward to watch I guess.
I struggle also to understand what her actual plan is here--I thought that she wanted to flirt with Dorien so she could get leads on this whole thing, but she's constantly just giving into her base desire to just call him a fucking idiot (which, while relatable, is a terrible plan for all of the reasons). And she kind of keeps getting screwed over for it but she hasn't really learned either 1) that she's not as good at social manipulation as she thinks and 2) if she wants to be good at social manipulation she should stop antagonizing this guy so he's more likely to do what she wants.
“Only slightly,” he sputtered. “The LeClair’s are involved in multiple different business ventures around the world, so of course that’s more lucrative than dealing in the shiny trade of one region.”
And I guess on the flip-flip-flip side it's really weird to see Dorien so upset by this as well--surely he's used to people making jabs about his money, and he knows Odette is completely toothless when it comes to discussions about wealth and power, so I'm not sure what's getting him so wound up here. It makes him in general seem a lot less effective as an antagonist, even when he's constantly pushing Odette's buttons in return, because it seems like he's on the verge of losing control as well.
The blocking of this scene is kind of hard to follow--might tie back into me not understanding how big talonflame are, so oops! But also it's really hard for raptors (and most non-hummingbirds) to just hover in one location, so it's hard to parse that he's flying over her head in a way that lets him hold the water well. And is he between Noel and Odette?
He was playing it cool, but Odette could hear the very distinct sarcastic undertone in his voice. It was the same one he got when he discreetly mouthed off to the teachers back in high school.
I get that she wants to cast disdainful judgment on them, but didn't she eat with Dorien at a fancy restaurant and he brought his pokemon to eat with him, so I don't really follow this conclusion
Odette watched as his eyes landed on the beautiful table centerpiece. It was a fantastic arrangement of real burgundy dahlias and scabiosas, put together in a tall crystalline vase. Clovis stood, pushed aside the flowers, and dropped the phone into the water. It landed with a subtle splash, earning the attention of everyone at the table.
Dorien couldn’t make a comeback over the laughs that resonated around the table. Odette could make out Noel’s wheezing giggles over all of them, and it caused her to crack a smile too, over the threatening anxiety at the realization other women might be after him.
This, too, feels like a bit of a parody. The joke itself doesn't really leave me wheezing, so it's weird to see the effect that it has on everyone else--they feel very inhuman. And it kind of undermines Dorien's status as a character--this is Dorien Bonhomme, certified Big Deal (TM), at a super fancy event in the industry that his family more or less owns. So to laugh at him seems like social suicide, or at the very least shitty politics.
I dunno. I admit I don't often go to fancy galas but this feels a lot more like middle school, where the insults aren't really that clever but kids laugh anyway because, I dunno, that's what the movies do. But there's a lot more strings attached here, and the people at this table are in high society and it feels like they should know better? Like even if you don't like the rich heir you usually don't laugh at him unless you're confident you will never, ever need to go to him or anyone he likes later--and given that the Bonhomme's do seem moderately powerful/influential that seems like a really stupid gamble.
I guess the counter read is that people aren't as scared of Dorien as Odette is, or they're more willing to get a tiny bit of social capital from Clovis in exchange for basically burning bridges with Dorien, or everyone at this table is stupid and will be ruthlessly cut from business deals later--but without being able to see the consequence it mostly just reads as awkward.
“Oh! Right, that,” Clovis interrupted him. “Well, you see, that could be a good idea,” he continued. “But, I’m not sure how my dad’s going to feel about doing business with somebody who pays his workers so criminally under average. The LeClair’s prefer to keep things clean, and you know, humane. You understand, right?”
This also feels like really clumsy political maneuvering--it's a clever zinger but ultimately it feels lacking in substance. If he didn't want to work with them unless they paid their workers more, then it'd be a lot easier to phrase it as "my father and I like to ensure that anyone who works with us and our contractors are paid well above average--how else can we guarantee that we're getting the best talent?"--the ball's in that guy's court then to pay his workers more, or he admits that he's providing a subpar product. But here as it stands it feels more like Clovis's goal is to humiliate the guy in front of him, not really to ensure good working conditions for other people--which, again, not an unrealistic portrayal of businessmen (although I'd still argue that this is still unnecessarily burning bridges--even if he doesn't give a fuck about this guy it's a bad look for everyone else who can see), but doesn't really make him the knight in shining armor to me either.
Here too--it feels really dangerous to build up this kind of reputation, because no one's going to work with you if you always just follow your baser instincts to humiliate and destroy people, since they'll always be afraid they're next. And you could argue that Clovis is confident enough in his established power that he (correctly or not) doesn't really give a fuck about how many bridges he burns--but again it builds more to the narrative telling me this guy is super good at business deals while he does a lot of things that don't seem like good business practices.
(grammar-wise: "That's what he gets for trying to put me on the spot: a public reminder that his head's in his ass.")
so is pokemon agriculture a thing? and I guess, subbullet, since there are references to lobsters/non-pokemon animals, why would this be a thing? even from a logistical standpoint it seems like a lot of extra work to keep farm dewgong--I see the analog to sea cow milk, but dewgong require sub-freezing temperatures and also they can, if angered, freeze your brain. and then there's a lot of moral drama here, although that's a lot harder to answer without knowing your full answer to how this society views pokemon.
I guess like, lol, busting a drug ring is sexy and cool and all but like if the implication here is that some portion of society regularly breeds friends of my friends and then forcibly milks them to make their cupcakes taste better, I do end up seeing this as a bigger issue than the drug ring at this point. It does circle back to the whole "it's a lot easier to condemn the cooler hypocrisy in front of us than the boring stuff that we all perpetuate", but it also makes Clovis look kind of shitty if he knows about it but mostly just uses it as a gossip point rather than doing anything consequential. Especially since he just showed that he doesn't really have any qualms with telling rich idiots to stuff it--these are ice-types! in dairy farms! that's super concerning!
Was that a thing that couples did to show affection? She couldn’t really recall any times she’d seen her grandparents battle, but then again, neither of them were really battle oriented trainers…
I struggle a bit to see when Odette is like "lmao these rich people are stupid and they suck" (they don't eat with their pokemon? their cigarettes cost how much? their dresses are how fancy and what color?) and then also "these rich people are doing this thing and it means I'm doing the game wrong if I'm not doing this thing". I get that she's kind of self-conscious about romance and that's mostly the Point of this chapter, but it's a bit hard to watch her vacillate so quickly from the extremes of being very invested in following what they do and then not being at all invested.
"time out" as a verb in a competition context makes me think of "the clock runs out of time", so I got stuck here for a while. I think it'd read a bit more clearly as "It screamed and thrashed with a level of aggression that would normally be grounds for [stopping the battle]/[calling for a time out]"
“A word of advice: walk out of here while you still can. What you just saw was a disgusting show of greed that you’d be better not getting involved in. ”
A beaming grin curved over his lips; a real one that caused his now-shining eyes to crinkle up ever so slightly. A stark contrast from that dead, hard stare that was on her not even seconds before. It was a little unnerving just how good he was at switching himself off and on like that, but Odette's brain was too busy reeling to really dwell on it.
I'm a bit confused--she thinks it's a "real" smile but she also acknowledges that he's just switching himself off/on--so on some level she knows it's forced, right?
I might just be misremembering at this point--why is she going out to dinner with Dorien in the previous chapters if not to think that she could be a date (and then use that time to extract info)
Kint!! Thanks so much!! I was excited to have you read this chapter cuz I wanted you to tear it up. The notes you gave were astronomically helpful, and I actually just finished making some edits based on them. I'm MUCH happier with the chapter now (and also started taking into account some things I didn't realize before you posed questions), so thank you v much!
Clovis is a fun foil to Dorien. I'm curious about Odette's read on him, and I think a lot of this chapter does feel filtered through her, so it's hard for me to get an actual read on him--in Odette's eyes he's impossibly dreamy and suave and all of his jokes are so funny she can't breathe when she's around him and owo he doesn't eat the rich but he does act like he wants to yeet the rich ... he's just not like those other guys uwu. So! Forgive me if I take a lot about him with a grain of salt for a while!
This is totally fine, and kind of the point! You're really not supposed to have a good read on him yet, made even worse by the fact that our normally unemotional protag is looking at him through rose-colored glasses. However comma, next chapter is all reads (mafia lol) so stay tuned :)
I think having this fancy gala to show off how you captured (what I think? are?) your countries gods is definitely a way to start flexing hard on the plebs, and in general a good way to show how few fucks you give.
Pokemon agency in this world continues to confuse me a little too! Solene is capable of making recipes and Isaur is pushy about what's playing on TV, but here it kind of seems like they need suggestions for what to do and they get sent off like children? Which is, paradoxically, both more and less agency than I was expecting haha. Plus in the context that some pokemon are capable of working jobs (quagsire's all dressed up oh noooo my heart)--where exactly do pokemon actually stand in this society? Do they even get paid or is this just actual exploited labor in the room that's more or less funded by legal exploited labor?
It's kind of fun to see which issues rub Odette the wrong way (like the shiny trade) and which things she just brushes off as window dressing--I do think it's pretty realistic tbh; there's a lot of weirdness in our world that we're blind to as well. But also as a reader I'm curious if this is Odette not reading into things, or just society in general!
Tbqh I was never reading that much into this until I read your review here. How I have it set up in my head is that Pokemon can be trained to have human-like intelligence. Likewise, wild Pokemon will have more animalistic type intelligence. Pokemon can also work and earn money (like, in my head, those Quagsire are getting paid they're definitely not enslaved LOL), on what i call a Pokemon-Trainer Work Program, which I'm realizing I haven't been as upfront about. A lot of this just went on in the background because I wasn't anticipating it would be looked into a lot. HOWEVER COMMA, this helps a lot with my worldbuilding so it's something i definitely should have been more on top of. I added some more nuances of "I swear these Pokemon aren't enslaved they're working" to this chapter so this comes across more!
There's the big boogeyman of "inhumane catches" being Team Rocket with guns and zappy nets and cages or whatever, but on some level I think the bar for "is this humane or not" circles around "does this pokemon actually want to be with you"--obviously tasering a pokemon because it's pink instead of purple and then tying it up and hitting it until it complies is blatantly wrong, and also more wrong than just catching the annoying pokemon under your house and then holding it somewhere else until it stops being a pain in your ass while it very vocally makes it known that it doesn't want to be with you, but I think the core knot I keep picking at here is that both of those things are past the bar of humane for me, since they both ignore the pokemon's consent.
So yeah, when I said "inhumane catches" this is what I was talking about. It's rumored that a lot of shiny hunters use these Team Rocket-eque methods to catch shinies because that's MONEY WALKING. So yeah, thinking about it in terms of Loic being displaced versus a "let me taser this mon to faint" was definitely not something I put together.
I struggle a bit with writing comedy in fiction, but usually when there are sections where characters are full-body uncontrollably laughing at things I don't think are ridiculously funny, it strikes me as a bit overexaggerated--it's kind of like the equivalent of someone literally rolling on the floor laughing their ass off when realistically "lmao" is more of an amused exhale in my experience. It feels kind of like the comedic equivalent of "show don't tell", or the obnoxious laugh tracks in Big Bang Theory--the wittier banter will make itself known without someone literally needing to flag to the audience that everyone is supposed to laugh, and the less witty bits can stand on their own as conversational.
Honestly solid point. It was funny to me and I imagined it being funny to the characters if heard offhanded without any planning, but I can see this "laugh track" parallel you're making. Definitely toned down the laughter in this chapter!
Honestly, was trying to portray him as not having a filter and asking shit just because it came to his mind, but that was a bad scenario. Rewrote to show it a lil better!
I don't fully understand this joke though haha. Like, "You caught me, I'm a horse fucker" wouldn't really make me double over in laughter (this might tie more into the laugh track/narration flagging jokes when they don't necessarily have to be flagged), but also, I don't really think pokemon are 1:1 analogous to animals in this world. Some of them work jobs, all of them appear very smart, and in general they seem more integrated/valued in society than just random pets, or even extremely exotic pets. Based on how you've set up this world though, I don't really follow how joking about pokemon bestiality would parse as a joke I guess--like they read more to me like they're treated kind of like children, so the closest analog I could think of here was "you caught me, I fuck children", which I admit left me more confused than entertained, especially compared to Odette. I think I'm mostly reading this wrong though! I just don't have a complete idea of where pokemon stand in this universe.
Once again, I didn't read it this deeply but it makes sense! Seemed funny to me in the moment (i have a serious 'out of pocket humor' infatuation so that line would have ended me irl) but seeing it from this POV, I can see how it's weird.
Here I struggle a bit with what pokemon are supposed to be in this setting--like if they're remotely close to being considered equal to humans, then touching them without their consent is weird! Even if they're childlike. And also condescending, but mostly just a violation of personal space. But if they're dogs/pets/things that are considered socially acceptable to pat on the head as you leave, then joking about fucking them is also weird I guess?
so is pokemon agriculture a thing? and I guess, subbullet, since there are references to lobsters/non-pokemon animals, why would this be a thing? even from a logistical standpoint it seems like a lot of extra work to keep farm dewgong--I see the analog to sea cow milk, but dewgong require sub-freezing temperatures and also they can, if angered, freeze your brain. and then there's a lot of moral drama here, although that's a lot harder to answer without knowing your full answer to how this society views pokemon.
I guess like, lol, busting a drug ring is sexy and cool and all but like if the implication here is that some portion of society regularly breeds friends of my friends and then forcibly milks them to make their cupcakes taste better, I do end up seeing this as a bigger issue than the drug ring at this point. It does circle back to the whole "it's a lot easier to condemn the cooler hypocrisy in front of us than the boring stuff that we all perpetuate", but it also makes Clovis look kind of shitty if he knows about it but mostly just uses it as a gossip point rather than doing anything consequential. Especially since he just showed that he doesn't really have any qualms with telling rich idiots to stuff it--these are ice-types! in dairy farms! that's super concerning!
I might just be misremembering at this point--why is she going out to dinner with Dorien in the previous chapters if not to think that she could be a date (and then use that time to extract info)
Yeah I think I was just angry and sick writing this chapter because I went NUTS on Odette's insults toward Dorien which would...not be smart on her end! So I toned those back a lot too.
Strong Language, Horny Protagonist, Brief Discussion of STD's, Brief Discussion of a Rapist
The week had gone by in a blur. A blur of excessive note-taking, staying up until the wee hours of the morning wasting away at computer screens, and a series of pleasant thoughts of Clovis smiling at her. Noel had volunteered to take on digging into more about shiny Pokemon, while he all but forced her to start looking into the LeClair family.
Sitting in the dressing room under the Lumiose Center, she was going through her ten pages of chicken scratch for the third time that morning. Rehearsal didn’t start for another thirty minutes, Acadia hadn’t gotten in yet, and Noel decided to neglect to tell her that he was leaving his flat early that morning. She’d texted him at every stoplight until she reached the center. No response.
Noel wasn’t one to wake up before eleven, so she found it a little odd. However he was a late sleeper, but he was never late to work, no matter what. If he were in any trouble, she’d know at the start of rehearsal. For now, she decided to dedicate her working brain function to deciphering her findings again while trying to ward off the intrusive thoughts that ran laps in her mind whenever Clovis’s name crossed her vision.
She wondered if her grandfather got worked up whenever he had to research a lead. Daydreamed about them, thought a lot about how pretty their eyes were, and--
Her grip on her papers tightened as a hard grimace crossed her face. She was damn glad there was nobody else in the dressing room--she'd been sure to check before sitting down--because she didn’t need anybody to bear witness to how red her face was. The sweat forming on her brow caused her glasses to begin fogging, and she tore them off her face to wipe them clean on her jacket.
“You’re stupid,” she said as she pushed them back over her nose. She then jostled the packet as if alerting her whole body to the fact that it needed to focus.
Clovis LeClair, the son of billionaire Charles LeClair, owner of the Clair De Lune group, which was made up of more than four hundred different companies based in multiple regions around the world. Most of them were centered around humans and Pokemon working together humanely to get things done in an orderly and, as they put it, “the old-fashioned green and clean way.” They dedicated their companies to making sure Pokemon were treated fairly and humanely. It was truly a noble cause.
Charles had a large family. He married once to the love of his life, and they had eleven fucking kids. Odette couldn’t imagine one woman popping out that many babies. Likewise, she also couldn’t imagine having that many human siblings. Growing up with Solene, Enora, Ange, and Isaur was plenty.
She’d gone out of her way to find all the LeClair siblings' names and ages. The youngest was about nine, and Clovis was twenty-four, about to be twenty-five. Odette was pleased that his and her age difference wasn’t harsh.
Most of the LeClair kids, save for the youngster, were somehow involved in Clair De Lune. Clovis, however, was peculiar. He had the highest net worth out of all of them for his involvement in developing some algorithm that had a hand in optimizing and even revolutionizing data management. She didn't really understand what any of that meant because her brain could compute fuck all regarding numbers and business talk, but she supposed it was impressive.
But the weird part was that he’d never been seen in public until semi-recently. Over the past couple of years, more or less. That was the part that got her. He hardly seemed like a shut-in, flying under the radar and working behind the scenes for twenty-something years while daddy raked in big money.
She supposed she knew a thing or two about acting a part, but it seemed he knew it too well. She’d found him standing alone in the smoking section, sure. However, he was at least somewhat eager to start a conversation, if only to ask her an obnoxious question about her height. She didn’t know any shut-in who’d have even attempted something like that. They’d have merely kept to themselves.
Plus, he pretty much admitted to gathering dirt on people, which meant he got around. He spoke to who he could, maybe eavesdropped here and there, maybe even asked point blank. He was blunt enough to question her height, so he must have been ballsy enough to ask somebody if they were hiring expensive hookers. And honestly, they’d probably answer him. The folks at her dinner table were ready to give up their seats for him, so it didn’t seem far off to assume that much.
He had a pull in that room that she wouldn't expect a multi-year shut-in to possess, even after an extended time out and about.
Then again, she had to consider that perhaps that pull had something to do with his status. Clearly, the LeClair family wasn’t anything to scoff at, so others were probably doing the same. Schmoozing the eldest son of one of Kalos’s richest families seemed like an obviously good political maneuver to attempt.
However, none of that did anything to distract the big thing on her mind: how could he have skated competitively if he hadn’t been seen in public for so long?
She’d scoured the internet, trying to find some record of his competitions--score sheets, videos, anything--and came up with nothing. So, was it a lie? Or, maybe it...had just been wiped? Cops could mess with public access case files, so maybe a billionaire could have information pulled from the world wide web. The question was, why?
She grazed her thumb over the notation she’d made in the margins regarding this information that didn’t add up. If she ever met him again, she’d have to find a polite way to press. Was it something he wasn’t proud of, or was it something more? Maybe he had the information pulled to keep it from coming up for people like her, who spent days trying to research him. Because surely he had his fair share of stalkers. Was he still trying to fly under the radar despite being so out in the open? Maybe he was part of a scandal and wanted to cover all traces of it from whoever went sleuthing on him?
If he wanted to hide it so badly, why bring it up?
She was starting to think it was a slip-up on his end. The fear she'd seen in his eyes after he said it suggested that he hadn't meant to bring it up. That, of course, posed more questions. But it made the most sense right now. Maybe it was a scandal...
Gods, her head hurt. Thinking about him, all the information, and how he’d so effortlessly switched faces. From his warning, cold stare to that fake-yet-real smile as he said goodbye. Even the way he looked aggravated when Jocelyn called before switching back to the smug smirk like it was nothing. He did it with such scary ease. Like he’d been trained to do it.
Was it like her case, where she was good at switching faces for a given situation? Or, on a scarier thought, he was more like Dorien? That wasn’t something she initially considered, but it was a possibility, as much as she detested it. She didn’t need another raging psycho in her life, especially one so pretty.
Speaking of Jocelyn and Dorien’s quips about that call, Odette definitely didn’t leave that stone unturned. As much as she wanted to. But her obnoxiously prevalent feelings got the best of her.
She’d tried to find something on a possible girlfriend or, even worse, a fiance or wife. Nothing came up. As far as these information sites were concerned, Clovis was a single man. So, Dorien really was blowing smoke. But she had to wonder why Clovis had a ‘Jocelyn’ calling him and why he was so annoyed by it. An aggravating secretary? A bodyguard? His old nanny? Did nannies even raise him?
She sighed deeply and leaned her head against the wall she was up against.
Is this how psycho-stalker girlfriends feel?
She needed to get a handle on all of these feelings she was having. They were best kept bottled up with the rest of her emotions because they had no business clouding her head when she tried so hard to think rationally.
Her bag began to buzz, and she could hear the muffled voice of RotomPhone trying to speak to her. The front pocket jostled, signaling it was trying to get out, so she reached over and unzipped it. It hovered out and flew up to her face.
“Bzzzt! Such a nice nap, ruined!” he complained. “I’m trying to recover here! I need my health sleeps!”
“I think you look wonderfully healthy, actually," she said. "Your rehab's going great. The techs at maman's lab will be stoked."
"Yes, bzzzzzzzt, but I am sleepy right now and would like to get back to that."
“Tell me what’s up, and I'll oblige," she chuckled.
“Incoming texts from ‘Lansat Twerk Team.’ Bzzzt!” it replied.
Odette set down her notes next to her and grasped the phone, punching in her passcode and navigating to her texting app, where she found that her one and only group chat was indeed blowing up.
Odette took a moment to decide how she wanted to respond to this. She was momentarily thankful to hear from Noel but then supposed that some virtual shenanigans from her displaced friend group would temporarily distract her from her headache. Though, she was wondering what he was so frantic about. Probably whatever thing he’d gotten up so early for. Was it some new information?
After years of a close-knit group friendship, she could honestly say that she never knew what to expect when she opened the chat. It got a snicker out of her and even a sense of ease. It was a welcome feeling after the past few days.
She heard the door to the dressing room slam open. It echoed through the empty space, causing her to flinch. She scrambled to shove her notes back into her backpack but didn’t get very far before Noel suddenly bounded in front of her.
“Found you,” he said, panting. Sweat trickled down his red face, and he could barely get the words out.
She set RotomPhone back in her front pocket. “Back to your nap, drama ‘mon.”
“Bzzt! Don’t mind if I do!”
She zipped the pocket, then turned to stare incredulously at Noel. “Dude, this is the girl’s room,” she said.
Noel threw his duffel bag down and doubled over, placing his hands on his knees as he leveled his breathing. “Who cares? Nobody's in here, right?" He lowered his voice to ask that
"Made sure of it."
"Well then. I’ve given every woman in this cast dating and sex advice; I have an honorary pass," Noel said, swatting his hand dismissively at her.
Odette scoffed. “Right, because we give out passes.”
Noel was able to pull himself together before peering back up at her. His brow was raised, and he wore an accusing frown. “You’re talking an awful lot for somebody I’ve seen naked like eighty fucking times.”
“What’s your problem? Where’d you sprint from?” she asked, ignoring the quip. There was really no use in arguing with him. “Thanks for telling me you were leaving early, by the way.”
He straightened his posture and placed his hands against his lower back, leaning backward until a crack emanated from his spine. “Yeah, sorry,” he said through a deep exhale. “Woke up earlier than usual to fly to the library when it opened. Phone’s been on silent until about five minutes ago."
“Wow, you know how to read? I'd have never guessed from the way you can't seem to read your phone,” she teased, feigning innocence by sticking out her lower lip. She snickered as he shot an unamused glance at her.
“I can read very well, actually,” he said, pointing at her nose.
He abruptly fell to his knees, unzipped his bag, and began digging through it frantically. Curious, Odette hopped off the counter and stepped over to him, leaning over to get a better look at what he was looking for. She didn’t see much before he whipped out a rather weathered-looking hardcover book. The sudden movement caused her to stumble back. Her eyes caught on the faded words on the front cover.
Pokemon of an Old Past
“A crusty book about the old times?” Odette asked sarcastically. “Case solved. We can stop now.”
“Alright Miss Ma’am, I have no issue turning my ass around and bringing it back since you wanna be like that,” Noel chastised as he stood up.
She rolled her eyes. "Show me what you found, please."
He started flipping through the book. She watched him intently, noting how careful he was with each turn of the page. From where she was standing, she could see the dated yellowish hue each of them had and even noticed that some were ripped and torn toward the edges. She grimaced at the sight.
“Did you take that out of the damn archives or something?”
“I sure did,” Noel replied quickly. “This book was pulled from public checkout because of how decrepit it is. But, I put in a favor with my friend down there. She let me take it for the day because their copy machine wasn’t working.”
Already, she had so many questions. “Gals in different locales?” she started, earning a hearty laugh from him.
“Actually, Bernadette from choir. But sure, that mantra works too.” As he spoke, he began frowning at the book, which he was still flipping through. “Gods, I should have used a damn bookmark...what page was it again?”
With another roll of her eyes, Odette sighed. “So why did you need Bernadette from choir to let you take home an old book because the copy machine wasn’t working?”
Noel didn’t respond that time. Instead, his eyes lit up, and he held the open book to his chest, pressing his lips together in what looked to be anticipation. The sheer excited look in his eye was enough to get her to drop her doubt. She cocked her head, arching a brow.
“Noel? What’d you find?”
“So, in my research this week, I wasn’t coming up with much that wasn’t damn obvious. Pretty much just wiki pages about shiny coloring variations and research notes that didn’t provide anything interesting.” He paused, apparently for dramatic effect. “But,” he said, “I started searching for more analog sources and ended up in the library directory.”
“Alright, that’s why you were at the library,” she said impatiently, snapping her fingers. “Where’s this going?”
Noel inhaled deeply. “Shockingly or not, I thought the library didn’t have jack shit either...until I found this.”
He held the book out to her.
“There is a single page in this book that mentions shinies, and it’s fucking damning. Read it.”
Her gaze slowly traveled between the book and Noel’s eager face. She carefully reached out and took it, slowly turning it in her hands so she could make out the words. Now that it was in her grasp, she could feel how aged it was. The bound leather cover, which surely used to feel smooth to the touch, now felt rough and almost dusty against her fingers. The words on the page were starting to fade in some areas, but she could still easily read them.
Nothing truly caught her eye until she’d made it down to the last paragraph, where she saw mention of oddly colored Pokemon. Surely, it meant shinies. That was where she actually started to read.
It was once said that these Pokemon of odd coloring had the ability to harbor and spawn Pokemon of a different power--grotesque creatures that found their abilities in the sanguinity of their hosts.
She frowned pensively.
“Put it together, smarty pants,” Noel urged.
The gears were already turning. So much so that her ears started ringing. “Harbor and spawn Pokemon of a different power…” she read, talking under her breath. “Sanguinity means blood…”
Hiruition and lophious...those two Pokemon, never seen them before...Mr. and Mrs. Patenaude cut themselves when they brought them out...right? And they were grotesque, super grotesque...
She closed her eyes, trying to get further into the moments before, during, and after that damned battle.
The malamar and the scizor were shiny...people were talking about them ‘holding another’? Those poor ‘mon were tired, too...what’d their trainers say about that? Didn’t seem to care...harbor and spawn...harbor and spawn...harbor and spawn...Dorien...saying things about getting his hands on ‘very powerful Pokemon’ for me. Dorien’s in the shiny trade, they seemed to all somehow be in the shiny trade, they all had them…they all had shinies.
They were all there to watch whatever that malamar and scizor had harbored and spawned? To perhaps see...what their own shinies could harbor and spawn?
Her eyes snapped open, immediately meeting Noel’s intense stare. She blinked a few times, trying to parse how she would say what she wanted to say out loud.
“The shiny trade probably exists because traders know shinies can...make those things, on top of the fact that they're fucking money machines,” she finally said, eyes wide. She raised a hand to hook it into her hair. “Or, try...they're money machines in the first place because they can make those things? The bottom line is Dorien knows that. They all. Fucking. Know that.”
“Ding, ding, ding!” Noel said in triumph, holding his hands above his head victoriously.
Odette slammed the book shut and set it down next to her backpack. She then brought both hands to cover her face, exhaling sharply as she gave her head a moment to calm down. Though, no way was happening.
“Does that play into Team Enigma, though? Does that play into sacrilege? What about Virtue Corp?”
“It definitely does,” Noel said. Odette moved her hands down to her cheeks and peered over at him just as he began wiping some sweat off his forehead with the sleeve of his jacket.
“Think about it. Sacrilege is traveling around the top one percent, and the top one percent are engaging in the shiny trade.” He peeled off his jacket as he spoke, letting it fall to the floor. He then started to pace back and forth, crossing his arms over his chest. His brows had furrowed, and Odette noticed that vein on his head starting to pop out, a telltale sign he was thinking hard.
“Then we have those public case file discrepancies specifically writing out shiny involvement in sacrilege-related problems, and we can be pretty confident those are tied into the cops warding off the press for Virtue Corp.”
Odette considered his words, and when she was sure she agreed, she nodded. “Okay, yes.” But she frowned as she thought more about it. “However, it doesn’t fully explain the discrepancies. What does sacrilege have to do with those Pokemon we saw, and what’s the point of covering shiny involvement up? Is sacrilege keeping them at bay? Or something?”
Noel pointed back toward her. “That’s where I’m stumped. That answer has to lie in Virtue Corp, because they’re driving that boat,” he said. “But I think that an organization dedicated to abolishing the shiny trade would want to blow something like this out of the water, not cover it up...whatever it is they’re trying to cover up by tweaking case files like they are. Shit, we don't even know their intentions. They could be just as fucked up as Enigma but much better at fronting as the good guys."
A heavy silence filled the space between them. Odette retreated back into her head to hopefully try to make better sense of these findings. She needed to get her thoughts in a line before she got too overwhelmed. She reached for her notes on the LeClair family and pulled out the last page of the packet, which had only been a quarter of the way filled. She dug into the front pocket of her bag, careful not to jostle RotomPhone, and retrieved a lone pen, which she uncapped with her teeth before beginning to scribble with it.
Shiny trade exists because traders know shinies can spawn the weird Pokemon. Hoarding from the public??? Explains why it won’t be abolished despite overwhelming support for it????? Maybe.
Sacrilege going around top one percent, who engage in trade--connected to the case discrepancies, but we don’t know why? Virtue Corp's wants it covered up. Still don’t know why.
A thought suddenly occurred to her as she was writing. She remembered the note she’d found on Bernard’s desk again and how J.L. Ménétries had mentioned something about being in their "prime suspect's circles" with “ties” to Team Enigma. If Virtue Corp were dedicated to abolishing the shiny trade, they’d surely know a thing or two about it and how it’s navigated...
She wrote the words down before she even registered what she was thinking.
PRIME SUSPECT'S CIRCLES = SHINY TRADE???? TEAM ENIGMA IN SHINY TRADE?????
IF VIRTUE CORP BAD, THEY'RE WORKING TOGETHER???? SOMEHOW?????
“Yeah, I'm definitely with you on that,” Noel suddenly spoke, causing her to flinch. She’d been so caught up in getting her thoughts down that she hadn’t noticed that he was looking over her shoulder. She craned her neck to look at him.
Noel began to poke his lower lip quizzically. “The note you found pretty much confirmed Team Enigma’s existence and outed Virtue Corp as the brains behind fudging records. They could definitely know Team Enigma is involved in the trade,” he rationalized. “But I’m still stuck on the why. If Team Enigma is in on the shiny trade, an org like Virtue Corp would deeeeefintiely want that outed, right? Provided we are assuming they are the good guys and not, y'know, playing us like fools. 'Cause then, yeah. Maybe they are working together. Or they're rivals."
She nodded again. “You would think a good-aligned Virtue Corp would want all of this outed,” she said tentatively. However, she had to look at this from all possible angles.
“If we're going on the good guy path, what if they’re trying to keep all of this under wraps to lessen the possible reaction?” she asked. “There’s so much negative press around the shiny trade and Team Enigma’s possible whereabouts and involvement in the crisis. Putting the two together would cause a social explosion if people found out. Especially if my hypothesis that the wealthy are purposely hoarding those Pokemon is correct.”
“Point taken,” Noel said slowly. The more he considered it, the more he appeared to go along. “Something like this dropping on the general public would start a damn riot,” he added. “But I imagine the riots would be even bigger if they found out that things were being hidden from them, you know? Is that a risk the police, or even a good-aligned Virtue Corp, would take? Having a conspiracy like this on their backs?”
She pressed her lips together. “I don't know. Can't put much past people with an obscene amount of money and positions of power,” she muttered. "On the other hand, if they are just as bad as Enigma, I could see why there's no tattling. Keep it to themselves, so nobody is aware of what's actually going on. But if they're rivals, why not? Same reason?"
Noel nodded. "You know how, like...organized crime gangs won't go to the cops about each other? I imagine it's the same deal here if that is the case."
"Right," she agreed.
“I did want to say, steering back onto the good guy route," Noel continued, "we could also consider that they’re keeping it under wraps because they’re also clueless.” He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his leggings, turning on his heel to begin pacing again. He walked back and forth between her and a nearby bench a few times before talking again.
“Like, maybe they know Team Enigma’s involved, but to what extent? And how does this drug play into everything? Rich humans and their Pokemon are dying, but how is that bridged to the trade? How is it bridged to those Pokemon?”
Odette could only shrug. “We don’t know.”
“And it’s possible they don’t either,” Noel said. “Granted, we are running on a shit ton of hypotheticals here; we’re not some big organization. So maybe I’m comparing bluk berries to cheri berries...”
"Even if they aren't good, that could still apply," Odette said. "Fronting as this good guy organization to get in with the cops to find out more about their rival. And shit."
She sincerely hoped her Bernard wasn't getting played. She also sincerely hoped he wasn't fully aware of what was happening. She wouldn't know how to respond if she learned her own grandfather was helping perpetuate criminal organizations just because they had money and weird Pokemon. If he even knew about the latter.
Suddenly her headache was back.
"Gods, I fucking hate this," Noel laughed bitterly.
Another round of silence swelled between them. It seemed that they were coming down from their frantic Q and A.
“In regards to your hypothesis,” Noel spoke again, calmly this time, “that would explain why I had such a hard time finding information about shinies that wasn’t glaringly obvious.” He pointed to the book on the counter. “That was literally the only thing I read, both on the internet and in the library, that spoke of a legend like that.”
“What did you search up to find the book, then?” Odette asked.
He chuckled for a moment. “Ancient Pokemon,” Noel said. “I started getting this idea that they were some crazy old fossil ‘mon and decided to go that route.”
Odette turned her head and stared at the book for a long while. “Are you saying you think the rich tried to wipe knowledge of those things from public access?”
“I’m sure a bunch of millionaires banding together could make something like that happen,” Noel said in a huff. “I’d bet that book's saving grace was referring to shinies as ‘odd colored Pokemon’ instead of just ‘shiny.’ Though, I think they’d at least be a little more thorough if they tried to wipe records.”
“Nobody’s perfect, not even rich people. Or weird, nefarious organizations,” Odette said.
"Gods, and we're just talking about the organizations themselves," Noel added, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We haven't even touched on those fucking Pokemon. What they are, how they work, the types..."
"Those things were powered up with blood. Never seen that before in my fucking life."
"Would your mum know anything about that? Blood-powered Pokemon nobody's heard of before? Seems right up the alley of a magical-type professor's knowledge."
That had crossed her mind at some point while she looked for things about the LeClairs. She couldn't ask outright lest she let Vienna in on what they were up to, and that was still not something she was keen on doing, especially at the point they were at.
"If she did know anything about it, she never let me in on it," she said. "Spent that whole battle trying to remember if she had, but no."
"Anything specifically about shiny Pokemon? Surely anything weird would have come up after you brought Enora in."
Enora had been on Odette's mind all week, too. Aside from her still-standing reluctance to be involved, now that Odette had witnessed other shiny Pokemon seemingly being used to spawn those things, she was more determined than ever to get to the bottom of it. Enora hadn't said much when Odette told her about it. A couple of dubious looks and a comment or two, but she'd lost herself in thought not long after. She either didn't believe it or it bothered her too much to say much more. Either way, Odette hadn't wanted to press too much. It was a lot for anyone to chew on.
She could still vividly see how tired that malamar and that scizor had been and how their owners paraded them out and about anyway, not giving a single fuck about their well-being or what summoning those blood Pokemon might have done to them. It was haunting enough to witness, and it probably bothered a shiny like Enora to hear about it.
That had to go hand in hand with why they just let it happen to them. Something was keeping them from protesting the treatment. Something was keeping them from fighting back.
But, that wouldn't happen to Enora. However it happened. Odette wouldn't let it.
"She never told me anything we haven't already uncovered. Nothing about blood magic Pokemon ever came up."
Noel didn’t respond to that. Instead, he wandered toward her and leaned against the counter next to her. He released a long yawn as he dipped his chin against his chest.
“I’m exhausted. I don’t want to rehearse today,” he said. And she didn’t blame him. The day had barely started, and she wanted to nap. She wasn’t sure how she could concentrate on calling cues and making sure props were where they were supposed to be when she had all of this nonsense swirling around in her head.
“Did you find anything interesting about your smoking buddy?”
She’d gotten so caught up in putting together the pieces around what Noel had found that she’d totally forgotten what she was looking for in her notes about the LeClair family. She reached back into her bag and pulled out the rest of the packet, and put it back together with the other sheet she’d just written on. Noel eyed it, and his brows raised.
“Look at you, detective,” he said, impressed.
“I wouldn't go that far. This is just the research phase,’” she said, flipping through the pages. “I think I know everything there is to know about him, but I still have some--”
She cut herself off, immediately sinking into another frenzy of internal questioning. She’d been trying to figure out the connections between the shiny trade, Team Enigma, and Virtue Corp, that she had forgotten she had a whole lead here to factor in too. And now that she was looking at it again…
Pressing her lips together, she turned back to the page where she’d noted the figure skating disconnect. The marginal note and her excessive question marks. Cases could be rewritten, records about Pokemon could be pulled, and she had been certain that one billionaire could mess with records regarding their whereabouts in a sport. But she couldn’t find the reason.
“What do ya have, Watson?” Noel pressed.
She began shaking her head. “I’m not sure yet...just some things not adding up. Everything I read had Clovis LeClair pegged as a shut-in, but he started telling me he was a competitive figure skater while I spoke to him.”
Noel appeared taken aback by this. “Him? A shut-in? I'd never read him as an antisocial type.”
Well, at the very least, she knew she wasn’t nuts for thinking that herself. “That’s what I said, too,” she said. “The last thing an antisocial person is doing is competing in something. And even if he did, I couldn’t find anything about it. I thought he might have been involved in something bad, but I'm not quite sure yet.”
“Man, these rich people really like yanking their shit off the internet, huh?” Noel groused. “I wish things were that easy.”
She ignored him to keep tunneling into this. Her eyes roved frantically over the papers as she mentally listed her observations.
She could conceivably believe that he was once a functioning, sociable person who partook in the activity. Then, something could have happened that drove him indoors, leading him to want to pull down all traces of his involvement in the activity. Again, a scandal.
Actually, that hit way too close to home. It rang eerily similar to the issues she was having with herself. Before she could allow herself to become bitter, she continued paving this mental path. She couldn’t stop just yet and needed to keep this rational and not let her feelings get in the way.
“Hypothetically speaking,” she spoke in a low voice, “if Virtue Corp is in their 'prime suspect's circle'--presumably the trade--that means they have undercover parties stationed around...” she trailed off.
Clovis had very clearly been upset by the battle. It showed in how he watched it and looked at her as he warned her to get up and leave. He’d done that in a manner that assured only she would hear, just to turn around and act as if nothing was wrong as he told everybody goodbye. Not to mention, Clair De Lune was set on the humane treatment of Pokemon, too.
That would align with an organization allegedly set on bringing down the trade, right?
That could also help explain the figure skating disconnect. Recluse or not, that was a slip-up.
She’d heard a couple of stories of the cops at the LCPD getting too comfortable in their roles while undercover and accidentally letting something slip. Nobody was perfect, not even a rich person. It would also be a jump, but she was at least finding more ground.
“I am fully grasping at straws here," she started, "but what are the chances Clovis could be an undercover party with Virtue Corp? Regardless of the alignment?"
Noel took a beat to mull it over before grimacing.
“No shot,” he said, shaking his head. He reached over, took the papers out of her hand, and began to skim them himself. “If he was actually undercover, what reason would he have to warn you like he did? That seems risky as hell. You could tell Dorien what he said, and the next thing he knows, his cover’s compromised. You might be reading too much into some misspoken words. I'd sooner believe he's some rich guy who fucked up over something and put his money toward making it all go away.”
“He really panicked over those misspoken words,” she said.
He began to rub his eyes tiredly. “Of course he did, but an undercover party could be anybody. It could have been our old classmates. It could have been the chick who asked if you had lip fillers.” He cut himself off with a wheezing laugh. “Which was hysterical, by the way.”
“Yeah, real comical,” Odette sighed, a tinge of annoyance in her voice.
“Hell, if we really want to go deeper into that route, it could be Dorien.”
She raised a concerned brow, her gaze on him becoming dubious. “Yeah, shiny trade Dorien just being a double agent for Enigma and Virtue Corp. I could see it," she said sarcastically.
“Not everything functions at face value, Dee. But, realistically, Clovis could be some pretty rich man who thought you were pretty and decided he didn’t want to see you get involved in...whatever this is,” he said. "You should also move the rose-colored glasses off your eyes and consider that maybe he did something really bad. Like, I'm not sure what goes on in the figure skating scene, but..." he trailed off.
Odette knew where Noel's head was going, and she grimaced. She'd been trying not to go that far, but if there was a chance Clovis was covering up a scandal, what was the probability that it was something of a--
Nope. Do not, she told herself. She'd cross that bridge if they found themselves there.
She thought her head hurt before, but now it was ridiculous. She understood where Noel was coming from, but she still had some contradictions biting at her.
“But him wanting to see me not get involved would most likely mean he doesn’t like being involved himself,” she said. “But he switched. He threw me the warning, then went back to acting like nothing was wrong. If you don’t like it, why act?” She began to scratch her cheek. “Saving face?”
“He told you a thing or two about getting in with other powerful families,” Noel said. “He could warn you, then pretend like nothing happened to cover his ass. And again, you're a hot girl. If he's previously gotten in trouble for--"
"Noel," Odette said loudly. "He doesn't...he doesn't..."
Her heartbeat rang in her ears. The force against her chest caused an ache that paired nicely with the panic drying out her mouth. The sudden cold sweat that broke out all over her body was just the cherry on top.
STOP.
"He doesn't give me Deschamps feelings." She strained herself to speak. That name burned to say. It poked the lasting mental wounds the owner had left behind. "I knew from the get-go Deschamps was a creep. Clovis doesn't hit those buttons."
Despite how hard it was to get out, she was firm. She knew "creep alarm bells" didn't always equate to someone capable of doing that to her again, but she trusted her gut well enough to believe her stance for now.
Noel nodded in understanding, holding his hands up defensively. "I get you, and that's promising. I trust your intuition, but I'm just trying to play it safe."
And he was right to be doing so. She knew that deep down.
"I'm watching out for you this time. The chances might be slim, but I want to be careful. And even if he isn't that bad, if he is with Virtue Corp, we don't know their overall alignment."
She sighed slowly and heavily, keeping her eyes trained on him as she brought herself back up. She couldn't fault him. As much as she was trying not to let her crush cloud her judgment, that seemed to be happening, gut feelings or not.
"I know. And you're right," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm just...trying to cover the bases myself."
"I hear you. And I'm here to help with that."
A single firm nod was the only answer he was getting. She wanted to keep going and stop dwelling on the past.
“Regardless of his reason or where Virtue Corps stands, you're right. It strikes me as a risky maneuver; I could whistleblow him either way,” she said. She released a deep breath as she realized the counter to that. “But at least if he was just a regular rich person, he has the in to say ‘what the hell is she talking about?’ and make me look dumb for accusing him.”
She let out another deep, loud breath. Noel did the same.
“I think two possible things are going on here,” she said. “Clovis could have figure skated before he decided he wanted to be a shut-in, then somehow had all of his participation taken down so nobody could ever find out about it. Perhaps due to something really bad,” she said. She closed her eyes to allow her apprehension to pass. “Or, he’s undercover and absolutely slipped up. And in realizing he slipped up, he decided that shooting me a warning would be a route to go.”
She turned to look Noel in the eye again. “I’m living by your line for this. Not everything functions at face value. At least not until we can stop leaning on hypotheticals.”
“You got me there,” he said.
The door to the dressing room swung open. Odette flinched again, and she saw Noel jolt as well. Nothing like a loud noise to break them out of their trance.
“Noel, I better not find you here. That’s illegal,” Acadia’s voice echoed through the room.
They exchanged looks, and both began to giggle despite themselves. Odette figured she was so fried that she couldn’t do much more than laugh.
“Busted,” she said quietly.
“Hey,” Noel said with a shrug. “If she kills me, at least I can say I helped put together the corner pieces before I died."
Hi Sind! Here for Catnip. This is my first time reading your work, if you don't count Mafia.
I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but I certainly didn't realise this was what your Odette poly hot men angst fic opened with, my goodness. So, it looks like we've got a sinister Team led by a brutal despot with fierce possession of seven Legendary 'mon corresponding to the classic cardinal sins, of which one is his, one is his son's, and one has escaped to pair with an infant. Quite a premise!
My initial impression of the content as I've just described it is that it's uncharacteristically edgy/grisly for the pokémon universe, more in line with something like, I don't know, Castlevania? Nevertheless, it's an interesting premise, and the prose and characterisation is pretty decent. I had some minor quibbles about the plausibility of Florent's leadership style, but I imagine that the nature and strength of Gullative is to credit for both his brutality and his hold on power. Even so, it seemed odd that his kid felt like he might be sacrificed so offhandedly after surviving this long and being bequeathed a sin legendary of his own. Still, it made the kid sympathetic and I'm rooting for him to bifurcate his dad's skull, so it clearly worked!
If I were giving this a close reading as a proofreader I'd have a few sentences I'd tidy up, but nothing major. I might query the fluid transition between the inner lives of multiple characters and external descriptions of their eyes and such, as I prefer close third to omniscient third, but that's just me, you know?
In any case, I'll be pleased any time I see WSBS on the Catnip roster when I sign up in the future. Looking forward to then. Cheers!
This is a bit of a slower chapter, with Odette largely preparing for her trip and being more introspective. I did notice the stuff Odette kind of thought or muttered about killing someone - is this something I missed from an earlier chapter or an omen of things to come? There's an almost palpable feeling of anxiety throughout the chapter, good job on that if it was intentional.
I would complain the chapter is frontloaded with a segment not featuring any Pokemon at all, but it is basically made up for by that ending. I love Odette's disaster team. Especially Lovic, Bane To All :Life.
Hope to circle back to this fic sooner rather than later!
Hello! I finally tackled WSBS. And oh boy, is it a ride. Oh gosh, why did you steal my characters and put them in a better story??? I am so jealous ;)
Anyways, here are my thoughts so far:
Prologue
Emergency Breach on board of Team Enigma ship
Florent punishes some goons by throwing them to Gulattive
Florent has a voice talking to him (Gluttony)
Florent’s son, Armel (11 yo), watches in horror. He has memory issues, seems to forget the day’s events as soon as he sleeps, so he writes them down in a notebook
The Emergency Breach was caused by a pokemon, Venira (wrath), escaping
Florent theorises that that means, a child of his is born somewhere, and that the pokemon escaped to use it as a host.
Armel looks through his notes and finds mention of a Galarian woman, Vienna, that Florent banged eight months ago (Apr 1997)
A Lot On Her Mind
Odette is reading a news article about a police raid, a lot of the synthetic drug sacrilege has been secured, no clues.
Noel and her play armseat detectives, Noel has found out that mostly shiny pokemon are the victims, an information that has not been passed on to the media
Her move to Alola and the Musical and Crew are introduced, her trauma mentioned
On break, Odette doesn’t eat much. The topic of the discussions are types and what to do in Alola
The Audacity…
Odette and Noel are driving home on her motorcycle
A bunch of street racers cut them off, luckily no one gets hurt
Odette is very close to losing her shit in an anger fit
Noel tries his best to calm her down
Things don’t get much better when they check the mail and there’s an ad from her former university, where she dropped out with only six credits missing
Odette killing her harasser is introduced
Her team (outside of Enora, who was with her at the theatre) is introduced
A Bad, Bad Run-In
Odette and team have breakfast, watch news
Gets a phonecall from her grandma. They talk about her grandpa, the chief of PD, and Odette promises to visit
Odette can’t cook
Odette daydreams in Strategy class, but can easily answer the questions anyway
Runs into her old flame Dorien, who quickly makes a move on her. She doesn’t like it
Dorien, who is in the shiny trade, continues to be a jerk, has a practise battle against Odette
Odette is at a type disadvantage and so grossed out by Dorien that she almost has another anger flare up, but can beat him
She detects major bad vibes when he sends out a pokemon at a disadvantage knowingly. What he says reminds her of another incident of a pokemon high on sacrilege eating another mon
She skips class after the fight
She’s Unabashedly Nosy
Odette visits her grandpa at the PD, where she has spent parts of her childhood
She tries to coax some intel about the sacrilege case out of him, but he doesn’t say anything
She tells him about her suspicions of Dorien
Bernard unconsciously confirms their suspicions about the shiny connection
Odette owning a gun is introduced
BErnard gets distracted and Odette goes through the papers on his desk, finds a mysterious letter from A J.L. from Virtue Corp., sends a photo to Noel
Noel blows up her phone and she exits asap
How Could This Possibly Be a Good Idea
Noel and Odette sleuth around the internet for Virtue Corp, which is a benefit society that does exist, but no mention of a J.L
They conclude that the shiny trade business is tied to the sacrilege spread, and decide that Odette go out on dates with Dorien to find out more
Psychopath
Odette’s mom, Vienna is introduced, while Odette gets ready for dinner with Dorien
Dorien and the restaurant give off crazy Pat Bateman and Dorsia vibes
Dorien mentions her getting raped and killing the assailant in self defence, Odette shatters the glass she’s holding in shock
Her hand needs medical attention, then Dorien drives her home
Before he lets her out of his car, he roofies her and Solene and convinces her that he never brought the issue up and the glass incident was an accident
Back in their flat, her mom notices that something isn’t right and is a Good Mom
Something’s Rotten In Kalos
Noel and Odette are at a Rich People Party, feeling inadequate
They do the clever thing and split up
Odette wanders into the smokers area, where she meets Clovis
Her panties hit the floor with a audible thump
Clovis is an asshat
Dorien comes along, is definitely jealous that Odette hangs out with Clovis, his crush
Clovis bugs off, but thankfully Noel shows up and hits up Dorien, who now has to question his sexuality solitude
Phone numbers collected: 4:0 for Noel
Move over to dinner, Dorien gets cockblocked by Isaur, Clovis sits next to Odette
They hit it off a bit more, Clovis ruins a perfectly good phone
Exhibition match, that goes horribly south. First set of pokemon is in horrible condition, faint after first contact.
Contenders summon a Lophious and a Hiruition, two very nasty pokemon
Crowd goes crazy, snippets indicate that those pokemon can be reproduced, but it is difficult
Clovis is not amused, leaves after the fight and tells Odette to better leave too
Dense chapters: It’s really impressive how much content you condensed in under 50k. It feels like almost no read, and yet, there is a lot of plot and mystery going on. Like, it’s about as big as 26y is right now, and I have the feeling it takes a lot longer to plow through it than through WSBS. Also, only the first two chapters felt like an intro-chapter. Remember how often we joke about needing around 20k to get the plot starting? Yeah, as soon as she runs into Dorien, things officially begin, and that’s quite soon. And with their sleuthing, there’s already a lot happening before that.
On point characterisation: Goes with the point above. Even though I don’t have the feeling I spent a lot of time on this fic, I feel like I have a good grasp on all the characters.
Odette and Noel: I love them. They feel like a clearer defined and older version of Hana and Leon and I celebrate that so much! Almost to the tee, holy shit! But with enough differences to make for perfect chaos. AU crossover WSBS/26y here I come!
The writing style. Besides never getting repetitive, I like learning new words. And there were definitely a few of them in there.
The focus on details and movements during conversations. Like Odette gripping her clipboard, biting her lips, playing with her hands etc. It highlights how perceptive Odette is and also communicates the feelings of the other people. I noticed it once when it broke up the dialogue a bit too much for my liking and then paid attention to it. 99.9% of the time it works completely in the story’s favor.
The pokemon battles. They never break the scene. The one vs Dorien I didn’t even realise until I went over the story again. Like, I knew they had a fight, but you somehow managed to keep the narration between Dorien and Odette.
I never felt like it got uninteresting. I don’t want to use the term page-turner, because it feels cheap, but there was always a new thing to keep my attention when juggling from one scene to the next. The only time I thought about taking a break from listening was in the first half at her grandpa’s office, but I was also driving and listening for three hours at that moment, so that could be the reason.
If all my Law&Order watching has taught me something, then that Police-Chief in a city that’s basically Paris would be a lot more of a political position and a lot less field work. Also, nobody likes you.
At the fancy dinner with Dorien, he gets a hummer, but later his steak is mentioned
One time, when Odette thinks about how she’ll miss Kalos, she thinks about how nice it is to drive over to Noel, when it’s established that he lives two floors beneath her flat
I always thought Odette and Noel met at dance-school, but it turns out they also went to the same high school together, and that Dorien also visited? Maybe a lot of coincidences in such a big city? Or is this just me being overanalytical?
I’m kinda worried about all those cool characters once Odette moves to Galar? Like, I want this noir mystery solved, then they can relax on the beach if they want to!
Odette’s team is very distinct (also, I love the type combo), and all her pokemon have a clear character. Except for Enora. All I know about her is that she likes Noel and is a shiny.
Not really a nitpick, but I was so sure that there was a mention of a cut in half sneasel or something like that. That was what dissuaded me the first time I picked it up. But this time, I didn’t find any of that. In fact, there was nothing really that would qualify it for the general tw gore imo.
Odette is a young woman who is a trained dancer, but has crippling stage fright. So now she works as a stagehand at the Lumiose City musical, hoping the proximity to the stage might help her get over her anxieties. Until 6 months ago, she studied at the university, but after a rapey incident with one of her professors that resulted in the perpetrator dead, she dropped out. Now she hopes to make a fresh start in Alola.
Odette is very analytical and picks up on a lot of deets, a skill she learned from her grandpa, chief of police. But she also has severe anger issues, that cause her to almost lose control over herself multiple times. Her vision reddens and when it’s over, she feels extremely exhausted. This probably ties back to the incident in the Prologue. (Man, I totally forgot about that until Vienna’s name was so casually dropped in the second to last chapter and I almost spat out my drink. Florent had 20years time. He’s kinda incapable, isn’t he)
Other than that she doesn’t hold back on the use of “fuck,” which is really cathargic, I tell you.
Noel is Odette’s best friend. He is a rising star in the musical scene, a talented singer and dancer, extroverted and friendly.
He falls squarely into the gay best friend with reckless sexual behaviour stereotype, but I care way too much for him than to worry about that. He checks a lot of boxes, but he has already more screen time and character than any gay man in popular media in the last 20 years combined, so why would I complain?
He is a very physical person, hugging Odette a lot, and she doesn’t mind (I only mention that because I have another very touchy character somewhere that’s sadly surrounded by characters that mind his touchyness a lot…)
What can I say, Noel is the best man under the sun. Until you end up as his one night stand and start catching feelings for him, that you’re probably bad off, but that won’t be me.
Dorien is an asshole. Clovis might be the same, but with better morals, we'll see...
So yeah, those were my thoughts so far on WSBS. It is a really entertaining story, and your Storycrafter answers and general interactions on discord are at least as entertaining. Please keep it coming!
Cheers - blue Also, here's a little shitpost I drew. Have fun
“Smell that? That’s the sweet scent of extravagance,” Noel said, adjusting his tuxedo coat. His Talonflame sat idly on his head, observing the glitz and glamour of the event.
First of all, I really enjoy your chapter openings. Second, I love how Noel makes a grand entrance only to have his Talonflame chilling on top of his head. The contrast there made me laugh a little.
Bizarre wasn’t a strong enough word to describe it, but it was one of the only ones that made sense. Frustrating also came to mind too. How many of those ‘mon were caught, rather than purchased through the stupid trade? Probably not a lot, and that thought alone was enough to make her grind her teeth.
Okay, but what about Enora? I only know how Odette got Enora thanks to our discord chats. If I hadn’t known that, I’d be really wondering about her and Odette’s history. Also, why didn’t Odette bring Enora? Wouldn’t that help her blend in more? Strike up conversations about the very trade she is trying to investigate?
She felt relieved that she’d decided to leave Enora at home for this get-together. Somehow, walking into a room of possible shiny traders, as a commoner with a shiny, felt like the equivalent of walking into a wild Pyroar den. If she was going to be discreetly collecting information, she didn’t need to be bombarded with endless questions of how she’d ended up with a shiny Sylveon. Sure, she could lie her way through it no problem, but Enora on the other hand, didn’t have a fibbing bone in her body. It simply wouldn’t end well.
…this is what happens when I speak too soon, LOL. Though I still think bringing Enora could have allowed Odette to dig a little deeper. Simply come up with a good cover story and pretend your invested in the shiny trade and bam! You’re halfway in.
He turned and grabbed Odette by her wrist and pulled her a couple feet away. When he was sure they were out of earshot, he turned to her and immediately clasped his hands together.
“So,” he started politely. “I know we’re playing detective right now, but--”
hhhhhhhhh I was SO relieved to know she was gonna be here with Noel, especially after LAST CHAPTER, but now they’re getting separated?? Immediately?? Isaur isn’t even with her?? THIS CAN ONLY END WELL, I AM SURE
Her eyes roved from one redhead in a sparkling green dress, to a robust looking man in a standard black tux. He released a bellowing laugh, and the men standing around him also began to laugh. She scoffed to herself.
She side-eyed the man before fully turning back to face him, seeing he was now looking at her. With a frontal view, it was entirely clear to her that he was...wow. Whatever god there was that was in charge of designing humans took absolute care with this one. She could see just how strikingly blue his eyes were. She didn’t even think eyes could get that blue.
“I'm going to come right out and ask instead of wondering for the rest of the night,” he suddenly said. "If you don't mind me inquiring; do you have heels on?"
Ok so…he extinguished one right before this line. And didn’t he extinguish another earlier? Are you telling me he’s on his third cig in one conversation?? Clovis, honey, I don’t think you’re okay.
She peered down to see Isaur with a plate full of hors d'oeuvres. Her cheeks were full of something, so much so, she could barely speak. But, she was beaming nonetheless.
She felt like she’d been on cloud nine while she was alone with this man, was immediately shot down to hell at the sound of Dorien’s voice. No sooner had his words carried through the smoking area, did he emerge at Clovis’s side.
The first sentence her is phrased a little strangely. I’d change it to “only to be immediately shot down to hell”. Also the comma in the second sentence is not needed.
Odette blinked a few times to mask her puzzlement. “Noel, isn’t he like fifty? And married?”
All she got in response to that was a wink. She knew it wouldn’t be worth getting into it with him; nothing would stop him from his flings. She supposed she had no room to get on his ass, anyway, considering she’d just spent a solid several minutes trying to talk to a guy who was leaps and bounds outside her socioeconomic standing.
There were six empty chairs left, all side-by-side. She sat down in one, with Noel to her right, and Talonflame next to him. Dorien attempted to grab the empty chair on her other side, but Isaur slipped into it as he pulled it out. Odette swallowed down her relieved sigh by grabbing the set glass of water near her plate and taking a long gulp from it.
“Fross! Fross!” Isaur said suddenly. She moved to sit on Odette’s backrest, then gestured to the now-empty seat. Odette watched in silent embarrassment as Clovis smiled broadly and stepped over.
“Fancy seeing you here, Isaur. But I couldn’t possibly take your seat,” he said.
“Okay, you know what--” he said. Odette watched as his eyes landed on the beautiful table centerpiece. It was a fantastic arrangement of real burgundy dahlias and scabiosas, put together in a tall crystalline vase. Clovis stood, pushed aside the flowers, and dropped the phone into the water. It landed with a subtle splash, earning the attention of everyone at the table.
Odette rested her head on her cheek. She didn’t need to act like she was interested, because she genuinely wanted to hear where this was going. The hot billionaire with all the dirt? Jackpot wasn’t a strong enough word. “Do tell the newcomer.”
She half-expected him to blow her off, despite the fact that he had brought it up, but he looked to be hunting for an answer. “Hm, well,” he started. He began to scan the room, and Odette instinctively followed his gaze in anticipation. She watched him discreetly point at a woman sitting at a table right next to them.
If it was anyone other than Clovis, I’d say it’s weird that he’s so willing to reveal all these secrets to her, a “commoner” and total stranger. But, from what I’ve gathered about Clovis so far, he seems to enjoy taking every chance he can to spit in the eye of high society—or at least, the pompous snobs that occupy that sphere.
The couple gazed at each other lovingly, before exchanging a small kiss. They then walked to the opposite ends of the floor. As they moved, walls of light shot up from the perimeter of it, stretching the length to the ceiling before fading away.
Had a hard time visualizing this. At first it read to me like all the dining tables were between the trainers and that they were just. Gonna duke it out around the tables. Later I imagined it was an arena with dining tables all around the border of it, but I don’t recall that ever being described so it led to some confusion.
She felt more of her brain cells starting to die off. She’d never thought so hard about the ins-and-outs of romance and sex in her entire twenty-two years of existing, but leave it to one head of lucious silver hair to change that.
Also I have some theories….perhaps these “new” and grotesque Pokémon are developed from a normal Pokémon that’s been pushed past its limit in some way? And perhaps these monsters feed off of the energy of the Pokémon around them, which would explain why the first two were so exhausted?? HMMMMM THE PLOT THICKENS
With that, his expression smoothed. A beaming grin curved over his lips; a convincing one that caused his now-shining eyes to crinkle up ever so slightly. A stark contrast from that dead, hard stare that was on her not even seconds before. It was a little unnerving just how good he was at switching himself off and on like that, but Odette's brain was too busy reeling to really dwell on it.
“Like I said, no specifics. Just trust that I can get my hands on some very powerful ‘mons for you. That is, if you stick around and see how it all works,” he explained. His hand traveled to her cheek. “Plus, I can always put in a good word for my date.”
She resisted the urge to push him away. “Why don’t you just cut the shit and tell me what’s going on here? You’ve clearly got a lot going on in that small brain of yours.”
I don’t blame Odette at all for hating Dorien, but. He’s literally offering to let her in on the exact things she wants to know more about. Couldn’t she play along, just for a little bit, to see what information she can get out of him?
THIS CHAPTER, YO. I have so many questions and no answers and I honestly LOVE IT. Keep em coming!!
First off, the beginning section with the street racers did an excellent job with establishing Odette's anger issues, especially the bit where Odette lashes out at Noel in her rage. Very well done!
Also, nice chapter title drop.
Odette and Noel's banter after things calmed down felt really lifelike! It felt very much like an actual duo of friends talking!
The bit with Odette finding the Fleurrh pamphlet was really good! You built it up as it went along really nicely!
The bit at the end with Odette coming home to her Pokemon was really great! It did a nice job establishing her different Pokemon and their personalities, and it was really fun to read through!
Overall, a really good chapter that does very well at establishing several important things!
Heya! I read the prologue for Smeargle Swap and attempted a Gulattive:
No idea if that's at all close, but I hope you enjoy! What a messed-up little monster.
Mini-review to go with it: big anime vibes! Very FMA. Mostly setup and intrigue; I'm interested in the boy and his messed-up memory, and the fact he's clearly been abused and terrified of his father but also has been assigned a deadly sin Pokémon. Taking a wild guess that Florent's daughter who's caught the attention of the Pokémon of Wrath is Odette, which I'm tickled by given how you've talked about her anger issues. Very appropriate. Hope I get to read more later!
Oooooh, starting right off the bat with more mystery and sacrilege stuff. 1500 kilograms of the stuff found, and not a single lead on Team Enigma. I'm guessing they're using one of the blood legendaries to clean up any traces they leave behind.
The bit where Pokemon battling strategy was discussed was a nice touch!
Oh boy, Dorien. Only seen him for one chapter and I'm already dreading ever seeing him again. I'm getting extremely bad vibes from him, from how he won't leave Odette alone, to how close he's getting to her, to acting so casually about his involvement in the shiny trade, to that battle.
Hoo boy, that battle. I'm near certain at least his Conkelldurr is jacked up on sacrilege, if not his other Pokemon too, and Dorien himself. I'm scared of what might happen with him next.
Onto chapter 4!
Oh boy, looks like Odette's grandpa has some secrets too. I like him from what I've seen of how he acts, and I think he does have good intentions, but that letter...something is up. Shady things are happening.
Random Theory: Virtue Corp is an organization dedicated to hunting down team Enigma, and it seems like a counterpart to it, given its name, "Virtue Corp", and how Team Enigma has legendaries based on the seven deadly sins.
And oh boy, looks like Odette and Noel are going to have a conversation about that letter next chapter. Looking forward to seeing how that goes.
Overall, I really enjoyed these chapters! You're setting up more pieces of the puzzle, and the tension is rising. I look forward to reading more!
Chapter 9: Are You Actually In Control? Cover by @HelloYellow17 🤍
CW: Strong Language, Light Blood, discussion of Pokemon trafficking
This chapter has not been beta read. I also suck at writing battles, so pls be gentle <3
The shade of the weeping willows was not enough to stop the angry heat Odette was feeling. Her garish and floppy derby hat wasn't helping, either.
Having Enora at her feet only made it all worse.
It was barely twenty-three degrees outside, and she still felt like she was going to break into a harsh sweat, all from the heat of the anger bubbling in her back. Despite this, she hung off of Dorien, smiling back at the dead stares from the top one percent. Once in a while, she'd gaze off over the garden, past the stark white gazebos they were standing around, and over to the neatly kept rosebushes that bordered the gravel paths through the garden. At least those were nice to look at.
"What a darling sylveon! We don't see many of the eons around here," a woman said. "Is she for sale today?"
"I don't plan to sell her," Odette said quickly, resisting the urge to curse the bitch out. She pushed through an airy laugh like she'd observed some of the other socialites doing as they spoke.
"That's a shame. Sylveons, espeons, and umbreons are really difficult to find. They don't evolve with stones, you know?" the woman said, swishing her wine around in its glass. "What evolution coercion service did you use to get her to evolve? I've never seen one successfully put out a sylveon!"
Odette started blinking. She must have looked like a deerling in headlights because she had no idea what the woman was talking about.
"I..." she stuttered. "This might be a silly question, but what's a coercion service?"
The woman placed a hand over her heart. "Oh, my apologies, sweetheart. You're new around here," she said. "They're services that evolve some of our lovely Pokemon who don't do so with stones and other knickknacks. To fetch a higher price and whatnot!"
She gasped. "Wow, things like that exist? I went out of my way to get her to evolve myself!"
Odette was acutely aware of Enora's presence at her side, and it physically pained her to allow herself to say those words. Why Enora suddenly decided to come along to this particular outing, she wouldn't say. But it made putting on her act that much harder.
That's all it is. It's an act.
A convincing one at that because some of the patrons began to laugh.
"That's impressive. Are you sure she isn't for sale? I'm very interested," that same woman said.
Odette started to shake her head more aggressively than she meant to. She instinctively extended her leg slightly, trying to metaphorically block this lady from looking at Enora like she was something to covet. "No, I think I'm going to pass."
"I'd give you €1.5 billion for her."
"Well, I'd do €2 billion!" somebody else chimed in almost immediately as if they were waiting for a price to get thrown out.
Before Odette knew it, various numbers were being screamed at her, monetary amounts she never thought she'd have directed at her in her lifetime. Women raised their comically tiny parasols, and the men tipped their bowler hats and waved their decorative canes. The commotion caused a sense of panic to swell within her, and she was suddenly conflicted about what to do. She needed to stand her ground but didn't want to subject Enora to the horror. Odette wanted to pick her up, run, and never look back. She wasn't ready for this; she didn't think Enora was ready for this.
But she couldn't do that. They were way too deep. And Enora had decided to come today, and there was no backing out.
So, she did what her character would do. She shyly leaned into Dorien and grabbed hold of his jacket.
"Alright, alright," Dorien said, looping his arm around her shoulders and raising his other hand. This effectively ended the yelling as the present patrons silenced themselves to listen to him. "She's already made it clear she's not selling, so let's not overwhelm her, okay?"
As quickly as the crowd had piped up, they retreated back into themselves, going back to eyeing Enora like she was something to eat. It was hardly a preferable change, but one that Odette would make herself stomach for now. If anything, she was more shocked to hear Dorien acting like a decent human being.
"So sorry, Dorien. We don't want to scare her off," that woman said again.
"Really, not this one. You make such a beautiful couple," a man said.
She heard Dorien chuckle, and he reached up and caressed her cheek with his thumb. As much as she wanted to retreat, she fully leaned into it but couldn't quite look him in the eye. So, she did something repulsive--she turned her head into his hand and planted a soft kiss on his palm. Maybe he'd accept it as a thank you because she wouldn't say it out loud.
"I really am lucky, aren't I?" he asked. There was a purr in his voice that made her absolutely ill. "Odette was hands down the prettiest girl in our school. But she wouldn't let anybody near her, not even me."
"Wow, a heartbreaker, huh?" somebody commented.
"I was just never really into dating in high school," Odette laughed, looking over at him and bearing the friendliest smile she could muster.
Dorien chuckled again. "She really just has high standards, so of course, she decided that I was worth the time."
"When's the wedding?" another asked jokingly.
Dorien shrugged. "Soon, I hope. I'd be able to die happy if I could call this pretty thing my wife."
Lighthearted laughs traveled around the group again, but Odette couldn't even fake a grin for that. Hearing the word 'wife' fall out of Dorien's mouth, in her regard, unearthed feelings in her stomach that couldn't be adequately described. She'd start by saying she was just downright disturbed. Even if they really were dating, they'd only been at it for a couple of weeks. Was that really where his head was?
She inhaled deeply, trying to ward off the tickle in her back. Focus. She needed to focus. "Don't get ahead of yourself, I just turned twenty-two," she warned, letting the seriousness leak into her tone. But, she smacked him playfully on the chest and reeled herself back. "Though every day with him feels like a breath of fresh air. Even if we haven't been together that long, I could maybe anticipate a wedding relatively soon."
She exhausted herself just speaking that one sentence. It was becoming unbearable.
"Oh, I love young love!" a man piped up. "You're both in your prime, though. No better time to start thinking about building your family. Every big fortune needs an heir."
"And you'd both make such beautiful babies, my gods," somebody else interjected.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream so goddamn loud.
I. Am in. Control, she had to keep repeating to herself. This is an act, and it's not real. You are playing a part.
Odette began to paw at her throat and released a couple of timed coughs. She found it harder and harder to hold herself up the longer she suppressed the anger that was churning within her. "I'm a little hoarse," she said. "I need a drink."
Dorien smiled broadly. "Of course," he said. He held his free hand out to the group. "If you'll excuse us."
Odette turned around as soon as he loosened his grip on her and took a couple of long strides away from him. She wasn't sure where she was going, but as long as she could get some distance between her and that gods-awful conversation, she didn't care. She stopped next to a standalone table inhabited by a few others. They were speaking so loud that she was able to pick up on their conversation.
"€10.4 million for the spinda?"
"I'll do €10.7 million. You won't find these markings on any ol' spinda."
The longer she'd been here, the more she understood what was happening.
When she looked around, she saw hundreds more shinies than she had at the gala. As she made her rounds with Dorien upon arriving, she'd bore witness to numerous impromptu auctions, just like the one right next to her. The gala was a social event, but this was a group auction.
Fucking deplorable, she thought.
"You really thought any of this was smart?" Enora groused quietly as she sat down next to Odette's feet.
"Don't start with me, I already know that--"
She was cut off by Dorien catching up to her. He locked his arms with her and placed a hand on hers. As if he were somehow concerned about her well-being.
"Sorry about that. Traders tend to get a little excited," he said. He sounded as sincere as he had when he calmed everyone down. As he spoke, a man in a vest sauntered by with a tray of white wine, and Dorien held a hand out to snap at him.
"Two here, good sir," he said. The waiter stopped and presented the tray, and Dorien plucked two of the glasses from it, handing the second one to Odette. She took it but didn't bother to take a sip. She hardly felt like putting alcohol in her system here would be a good idea.
She felt on higher alert than she had the last time, especially now that she was here parading Enora around. What she really wanted was a glass of water. Something for the rage, the tiredness.
"Oh, I'm sorry, are you a wine drinker, Enora?" Dorien asked. Odette watched as Enora shot him a dirty look.
"No. Ladies do not get inebriated," she said stiffly.
"Enora doesn't have a taste for alcohol," Odette said. "None of my partners do. Except for Isaur, but she's just a foodie."
Saying that out loud made her furrow her brow. None of her partners were drinkers, except for Isaur.
Huh...
Dorien shrugged before sipping from his glass. "Suit yourself, but this is the good stuff. You won't find this wine at any old tea party."
That's what they were calling this one, a tea party. A garden tea party. Before, it was a gala, and now it was a tea party. Instead of a grand ballroom, they conversed in a vast, exquisitely-kept garden. Fountains were buried among rows and rows of expertly trimmed flower bushes and towering trees. Of course, this place looked picturesque. According to what Odette had read about it, it was kept almost entirely by roserades, roselias, and budews. It was normally open to the public and was a stomping ground for ambitious trainers. But today, the whole area had been rented out for this event.
The gathering itself was being held right on the banks of the giant, yet very charming lake, sitting smack in the middle of the flora. It looked like the scene had been pulled from A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Grande Jatte down to the socialites in their vintage tea dresses, suits, stupid little parasols, and fancy hats. Such beautiful scenery, tarnished by the sound of exchanging prices and the sight of Pokemon who just looked defeated as they followed their owners around.
A swell of laughter erupted from a group nearby, and Odette turned her head abruptly. Naturally, Noel stood in the middle as he raised his half-empty champagne glass, clinking it with an elderly woman standing next to him, beaming as if he'd just told a clever joke. He held Ru in a baby harness, strapped to his stomach. The bird was in the middle of downing what looked to be a cupcake.
It was good to see that at least Noel and his partner were having a nice time with the top-donor friends they'd made. She hoped he was getting some good information in that little circle because, at this point, she wanted nothing more than to head home.
But, they were in deep. She had people bidding on Enora, and Noel had a crowd. As uncomfortable as it felt, it was a good spot. If they left now, there was a chance they forfeited their standing, and they certainly couldn't afford that now.
Besides, they'd been there for almost two hours, and Odette had yet to see even a glimpse of silver hair...
"Do you know where I could find some water?" she asked.
Dorien stopped in his sip before nodding his head toward the bar that had been set up under one of the larger white gazebos.
"They'll certainly have some at the bar," he said. "Is the wine too much, Doll?"
"It must be. I feel like I'm going to vomit," she said. She didn't need to lie about that part.
Dorien sighed deeply. "Well, that's no good," he said, sticking out his lower lip. "Why don't you and Enora head up there, and I'll meet you in a bit? I have to go find the other boys; they're around here somewhere."
She definitely liked that suggestion. Time away from him was time well spent. He'd barely left her alone since they'd arrived, and if she was going to continue swallowing her rage, she'd need a break. Especially after that conversation.
"I'm okay with that," she said. She went ahead and pecked him on the cheek to ensure he wouldn't sweep her off into an unwanted kiss again. Gross, but the lesser of the two evils. He chuckled, then tapped her on the nose affectionately. He walked off after that, and Odette waited several seconds before turning on the heels of her character shoes, hiking up her dress with her free hand, and speed-walking to the bar.
"What do you think you are trying to accomplish here, Odette?" Enora hissed at her feet. "All you are doing is digging yourself into a nefarious situation that you are not knowledgeable enough to get out of on your own."
"I already told you," Odette replied in a louder whisper. She was panting heavily now, and the corners of her vision were starting to blur. She needed to get to a chair and sit down. "I'm not dropping this until we figure out what the fuck we saw. If you didn't want to get involved, then you shouldn't have asked me to bring you. If you wanted to tell me what a bad idea you thought this was, you had plenty of time to do that safe, at home. This is definitely not the place for you to be riding my dick."
Odette already felt on edge. She'd nearly sunk into a panic when Enora requested to accompany her out without really specifying why she'd had the change of heart. Having her there, nagging her about how stupid her efforts were, really wasn't helping anything. All it was really doing was frustrating her, and frustration never led to anything good.
"I needed to see it for myself. And now I am firm on the idea that we should not be here," Enora said as they made it to the bar. Odette threw herself onto one of the stools and sat down with the wine glass. Enora hopped up onto the empty one next to her.
Taking a cautious look around, Odette could see that the area was mostly empty, and even the single bartender was busy with other matters at the other end of the bar. She took the opportunity to hunch down to Enora's eye level, despite the sleepiness that weighed her body down.
"I get it, Enora," she said. "But believe me, if you saw what Isaur and I saw last week, you'd get it."
Enora returned her look with a similar level of intensity like she had no intention of backing down from her stance. Odette believed that much too because there was no swaying Enora from anything unless she put the work into it. But, if there was ever a time for Enora and her to be on the same page, it was now. She needed her to understand.
"I know you've been quiet about it since I told you what I was doing--what the team's doing," she continued, "but now that you're sitting here, looking at the other shinies around you, you need to talk to me. You can't ask to come along then get mad I brought you. If you have something to say, now's the damn time. Clearly, you wanted to see what was happening, or you'd have kept to yourself as you have been, right?"
After a long beat, Enora reluctantly turned her head, looking over the other attendees and their Pokemon. Odette followed her gaze and once again took the time to observe them.
A majority of them looked tired. Maybe not as tired as that malamar and that scizor had looked, but a lot of them walked with noticeably sluggish weight in their step. More noticeably, most exuded an aura of reluctance. They trailed behind their owners with gaits that made it clear they wanted to be anywhere else but there. Smiles were sparse, and cheerful mannerisms were even sparser.
"It's exactly what Isaur and I told you," she said. "From what we understand, some evil shit came out of those other Pokemon, and we have reason to believe that's happening to all the shinies here. Grandpa might know something about it, and Dorien definitely knows something about it, but we know nothing. And we're trying to change that."
Odette could see Enora's ears sinking lower and lower the more she spoke.
"I admittedly don't know what your hangup is. I know you don't like the danger aspect, but you won't tell me anything. I know this hits close to home for you, but I only know that from an assumptive level," she said. "Have you witnessed--"
Behind them, some cheers rang out. Odette and Enora turned around to see two people, a man, and a woman, shaking hands. At the woman's feet were a shiny plusle and minun, both holding onto each other. Those two didn't look sad, though. They looked scared.
The man gestured to them, and the minun shook its head. The woman spoke, and they both shook their heads at that time. The man rolled his eyes, and the woman handed him a pokeball. He called the minun back into the ball, pocketed it as he waved to the woman, then turned and walked off as if he'd just bought a jug of milk.
The plusle began to hobble after the man, but didn't get very far before the woman stepped in front of it. It stared off after the man, and Odette watched as its expression melted from one of anxiety to one of sheer anger.
Before she knew it, it was sparking up. Finally, a display of defiance. Odette involuntarily perked up.
But, the sparks died down as soon as they appeared, and the plusle slumped down to its knees, winded. The woman watched, disdained, as she pulled a device out of her pocket to examine it. It looked like a small radio, and Odette recognized it almost immediately. The police used it on rampaging Pokemon to calm them down and keep them from using their moves in a fit of their fury.
A fucking dampener. That explained so fucking much. Of course, these psychos would be walking around with devices to keep their bought trophies from fighting back. That was why none of them did; they must have known better. She had to wonder if they worked on the monstrous Pokemon too, but was far to stuck on the heartbreaking scene to think too much on it.
Odette wasn't a crier, but fuck...that sobered her up from her anger haze really fast.
Her eyes widened, and she turned back around and sat her arms on the counter. She could see out of the corner of her eye that Enora did the same. They didn't speak to each other for a while.
"My gods..." Enora whispered after gods knew how much time had passed.
"Do you get it now? You'd want somebody to do something about it if that was you, right?" Odette said in agreement. Enora nodded once in solidarity.
More silence swelled between them. At that point, Enora's ears had gone totally slack, and she slowly aimed her eyes toward the ground.
"You're shiny. And I don't know much about where you came from before you joined my team. But if this is too deep for you, I want you to know that you can tell me. Please."
"I..." she muttered. For a moment, it looked like she wouldn't finish her thought, but she steeled herself with a breath.
"I do not want to see you get hurt again. Watching what happened to you last year was unbearable, and I do not want anyone to have the opening to make you sink that low ever again." She fell silent to rub her cheek awkwardly. "And I am afraid we're dealing with parties who might make that happen if they could."
With an inward gasp, Odette bristled. Tension filled her shoulders, and she recoiled backward.
"This isn't...like that," she said. Her heartbeat picked up speed, and she could hear it in her ears.
"What happened with Deschamps was...unfortunate. But...this isn't like that. I'm paying attention. Noel's with me. I'm sure to have one of you with me at all times now, too."
"But then think upon what you are asking of all of us. You might be certain you will not get hurt, but what of me? Or Isaur, or Solene? Or Ange or Loïc?" Enora asked, finally looking up at her again. The intensity of her look caused Odette to catch her breath in her throat. Her internal rage and sorrow cocktail was quickly replaced by guilt.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I really am...so sorry."
Finally, she figured knew why Enora was so reluctant. She really was asking so much of her.
It was one thing to play undercover cop for busting a drug ring, but they had since realized they were dealing with a much bigger problem. Trafficked Pokemon, being bounced around because they can create those demonic Pokemon. It had to have something to do with the drugs yet, but they weren't sure what.
Odette was asking Enora--and her entire team--to put themselves in a situation they might get hurt. Put themselves in a place where Pokemon were being harmed right in front of them, and just sit back and watch it happen, while perhaps risking becoming part of it. There was even a chance of Odette herself getting harmed through all this, while simultaneously forcing them to bear witness to that as well. Again.
The anxiety she felt whenever Dorien wrapped his arms around her, kissed her, or looked at her like he wanted to take her was astronomical. It matched her feelings as those socialites stared at Enora during that uncalled-for bid. Of course, she swallowed it down. She knew she was playing a part, and none of it was real...at least, that's what she told herself. She told herself it was worth having to deal with the unwanted affection and the attention on her shiny Pokemon to be able to get to the bottom of what was happening here. She could do that. But to ask Enora herself to do it too? And her team? That was a different story, and in the fervor of her efforts, she'd grown blind to it.
"I am asking...a lot of you," she said. "And I am just so sorry. That's why I wanted to talk about this, but I'm so caught up in my own head and not really thinking about what might be going through yours. Or Isaur's. Or Ange's. Or Solene's. Hell, even Loïc's."
For the first time since they arrived, Enora smiled. It caused Odette to grin, and they chuckled with each other. It was a much-needed break from the heavy.
"But," Odette continued, bringing them back to the topic at hand. "I am really invested in this. More invested than I probably have any business being. Because it's Grandpa, you know? And, that plusle, that minun, the malamar, the scizor...it's all of them too," she said as she gestured behind her, out toward the other despaired shinies.
It wasn't an immediate reaction, but Enora soon nodded.
"And we've found so much already. I can't really afford to forfeit all the time I've sunk into this yet, as much as you don't want to hear it. Things are nefarious, but I don't feel like I'm in danger. Yet."
Enora didn't respond that time.
"So, how about this," she offered. "If things start getting bad. If Dorien gets too handsy, somebody pulls out a gun, or somebody, like, dies...I'll pull out. Wipe my hands clean, forget it happened." She dusted her hands off and held them out to her sides. "That's me, though. I already told you this, but I don't want to make you do something you're that reluctant--"
The bartender finally approached, cleaning out a shot glass, effectively cutting her off.
"Can I get you two anything?" he asked.
Odette sighed. "Sparkling water."
"The same, sir," Enora added.
The bartender nodded and walked off to get it. About a minute of silence later, another presence moved up next to Odette's right side.
"I'll have what she's having," he called to the bartender as he sat down. Odette nearly jumped out of her skin because she immediately recognized the distinct scent of pecha smoke.
She cut her gaze to the right and expectantly found that head of silver and pair of bright blue eyes she'd been hunting for. Heat traveled to her face as Clovis looked back at her with a bright smile, even as he held a lit cigarette between his teeth.
"Fancy seeing you here," he greeted. "I hope you don't mind if I rain on your secluded parade."
She blinked rapidly, hoping that would somehow allow her to come up with a quick response. "I don't mind at all," she said. "I hate to disappoint, though. I'm sticking to non-alcoholic drinks today."
Clovis stifled a laugh as he waved at her dismissively. "Cheers to that," he said. "By the way, that is a lovely color on you."
She peered back down at the frilly pale pink dress she'd dawned on just before her eyes traveled to the pressed pink shirt he wore. There was a neatly folded handkerchief of the same color in his breast pocket; a nice touch. He also wore a pair of bright white pants that were being held up with matching suspender straps, a single ultra ball fixed to the left strap. The white bowtie wrapped the whole ensemble up perfectly--practically a gift bow asking to be pulled open.
Gods...
He looked absolutely adorable, in the most gorgeous type of way. And it only made it better than that pink shirt was somehow almost the same hue as her dress.
Stop. You can't even trust him yet, you don't know what his fucking deal is. Keep it together.
"Let me guess. Versace?" he asked. A hint of mischief flashed in his eyes as he reached up and grasped his cancer stick between his fingers. She legitimately smiled for the first time that day before rolling her eyes.
"No, my secondary school costume stash cleanout," she replied. "From our production of Hairspray. Dorien said 'tea party' and I figured I had nothing else that suited the scene."
He nodded approvingly as he inhaled a drag from the cigarette. "Well, if you don't mind my boldness, you certainly look dashing again."
Her mind was swimming. Again? Did that mean he thought she looked fine the first time they met? Shit, how did he even remember her from that? Even if they had talked for a while and had dinner together, how many people did this guy talk to a day? A week? How would he have remembered her unless he made a conscious effort to?
Then again, he tried to warn her not to come back. So, perhaps he was looking for her as a result of that?
Stop being a fucking moron!
The bartender returned with three glasses of sparkling water and sat them down. Clovis picked his up, nodding in thanks to the man, before quirking a brow at the latter two drinks.
"Thirsty?" he queried. It was there that Enora put her paws up on the counter and peered at him over Odette's shoulder.
"No, that one would be mine," she said.
Odette could see the sheer shock that came over Clovis's face, even as she grabbed her own glass and began chugging it. The immediate relief she felt from the bubbly hydration was well worth the wait. She'd nearly finished the drink entirely before setting it down again.
"Right," she said sheepishly. "I brought somebody new today. This is my friend, Enora. Enora, this is Clovis."
"Charmed, I'm sure," Enora said dubiously.
"I guess I forgot to mention she was, uh...shiny. She joined my team willingly, though. I found her digging through my dumpster."
Hopefully, he wouldn't get the wrong idea.
It was a long while before Clovis spoke again. He was evidently too busy cutting his eyes back and forth between Odette and Enora. Odette could practically hear his brain working, and she nearly cringed. She watched him pull the cigarette out of his mouth and drink from his glass.
"Funny," he said just after he swallowed his gulp. "I could have sworn by our conversation that you wouldn't get involved with something like this."
Fuck, she thought angrily.
She held up a defensive hand. "I'm not."
He set his glass down and then leaned his cheek on his hand. "Oh, really? How have your bids been today, then?"
"Haven't hosted any, and I don't plan to."
He flexed the corners of his lips, mulling the words over. He put the cigarette back in his mouth and took another drag before blowing the smoke up toward the gazebo ceiling.
"I was a tad shocked to see you here after my warning the other night, but now it's starting to make some more sense to me," he muttered.
The anger she'd managed to wade through previously was starting to flare back up again. She wasn't quite sure why, though. She knew where his head was, and it, of course, made sense. She supposed she was getting so upset because she couldn't bear the thought of this man she liked so much viewing her in such a negative light. Right?
This...this is real bullshit.
"Whatever you're thinking, I can assure you it's not true," she said as evenly as she could manage.
"What do you think I'm thinking?" He quirked a brow again. This time, it was a tad bit more serious.
"Commoner trainer who got incredibly lucky wants to figure out how to push that luck. Rest assured, it's not like that," she shot back.
"Quit it with the insolence, you have misunderstood the intent here!" Enora yipped. The suddenness of her outburst caused Odette to turn around to face her. Enora now wore a look of determination--like she also wanted to make it clear that Clovis's current assumptions were wrong.
"Then, what's your angle? It all seems pretty straightforward."
A nasty glare fell over her features as she looked back over at him. Her angered lips detached from her brain and began to run before she could think it over. "I could ask you the same thing, Clovis. What's a shut-in like you doing figure skate--"
She wanted to cover her mouth. She wanted to stop herself from asking such a pointed question like that. However, she needn't have bothered. Hands covered her mouth before she could finish talking, but they weren't hers.
It all happened so fast. She was talking, and the next thing she knew, Clovis was almost entirely out of his chair, lunging forward to press his hands over her mouth. She wasn't sure when he'd grabbed the handkerchief, but it was dangling between his fingers as he held it over her lips.
She blinked once, twice, three times before angling her eyes up toward him. He stared down at her with that same panic he held in his eyes when he'd accidentally dropped that hint on her the first time. This time, however, it was lingering.
He looked over toward a man who happened to be walking by and smiled. "No worries, she just cut her lip a little bit," he assured. The guy seemed to accept that explanation because he walked off. As he left, Clovis's expression morphed back into that same panicked look as he sat down and removed one hand from her mouth.
"Take the handkerchief," he said in a whisper. But, what struck her is that he said it in Galarian. She considered it before doing as he instructed. He sighed in what sounded to be relief as he removed his other hand and sat back down.
"Great, you understood," he said. Those words were in Galarian too.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "My Galarian is pretty good," she said, following his lead with the language switch. She didn't quite like how thick her accent sounded around the words, but she knew she could speak it well. "I'm also really good at not letting my screw-ups show on my face."
He laughed, though it sounded rather rancorous. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and snuffed it out on an ashtray that happened to be on the counter. He then chugged what was left of his water before slamming the glass back down. He clearly did it more aggressively than he intended because the 'BANG' that rang out made him flinch.
"Gods," he seethed through clenched teeth. "I know better. I really do know better."
"Undercover cops have blown their cover for less," she said quietly before lowering the handkerchief to her lap.
"I'm sure you would know, Miss Cinq-Mars. Your grandfather has been on the police force for years."
Her stomach dropped. The silence that followed compelled him to keep talking.
"Since you clarified that you did your research, I thought I'd return the favor."
She brought her hand to her face and began to scratch her cheek as she turned to lean her elbows on the bar. From the corner of her eye, she could see Clovis do the same.
She wondered how she should word her next question. She knew what a search for her name would bring up and wondered what exactly he found. If he was anywhere as thorough as she was…
"And?" she asked.
He released a huff as he began to tap his fingers on the granite. "The subject matter was less than savory, and I can bet my fortune it's not something you want to discuss with me."
She knew for sure she wasn't breathing normally at this point. She felt Enora place her paw on her hand and sent her a quiet nod.
"How'd you even research me without my last name?" she asked. "Did you ask Dorien for it?"
He didn't immediately respond, but when he did, he was quite sharp with his tone. "Hell no. Didn't want to pique his interest in my affairs. I had a name, and a face, and I knew you danced. It was a process of elimination, but I had the resources to figure it out," he explained.
She supposed with a billion dollars on hand, it was just that easy. She wanted to be upset, but how could she when she had a literal packet of information on him in her backpack? But why would he research her at all? Was it because he knew his slip-up and wanted to know how to keep her from squealing?
For some reason, she felt as if she was up shit's creek without a paddle. How was she supposed to maneuver this?
"I know you're supposed to be a shut-in who's helping your dad Charles run the Clair De Lune group. You also have a lot of fucking siblings," she said.
He hummed to himself for a while, then scoffed. "Just to correct you from earlier, I'm not a cop," he said.
"Right, you're actually a figure skater," she responded, barely loud enough to be heard.
She heard him exhale sharply. "Anything else?"
Yes. Yes. Yes.
"Any scandals I should know about?"
The look he gave her was perturbed. "No?" he replied. "Define scandals?"
"What do you think I mean by scandals?"
His brows remained knit as he continued staring at her. He eventually tilted his head.
"Are you asking if I'm a predator?"
"Well, are you?"
He exhaled sharply, eyes momentarily bugging out of his head in a state of disbelief. For a moment, it almost looked as if he'd whip her with a violent tongue-lashing. But just before his expression could become too intense, a sense of...understanding seemed to pass over his features.
"I respect the nerve to ask," he said. He spoke more calmly than she anticipated he would. The look he trained on her now was intense, but she held it, relentlessly hunting for any indication he might not have been speaking truthfully. "But rest assured, I wouldn't dream of being so," he paused briefly, trying to find the right word, "disgusting. If there's one thing I can promise you, it's that."
His eyes were as unyielding as his words. It felt like he was speaking to her with a sense of urgency at that moment. Like he wanted her to know that he was definitely telling the truth.
Somehow, that made her feel better. Just a little. It probably wasn't the best approach, but she needed to know.
"If you're done with the accusations, I'm going to ask you again," he said after a beat of silence. There was a new sternness in his tone that made her blood run cold. "What's your angle?"
She racked her brain for how she felt she could answer this. From her conversation with Noel just several days before, she'd had her share of hypotheses, and she'd been solely convinced that Clovis had something to do with Virtue Corp, and his alignment banked on where Virtue Corp stood. She didn't have much to run with on that account, but it seemed likely, given the other pieces they'd put together.
Of course, there was still the chance that he was simply a rich person who vehemently opposed the shiny trade, somehow. However, given that he'd gone out of his way to research her knowing he said something he shouldn't have said, her first hypothesis was looking more and more probable. If he was trying to hide an aspect of his past, there's no way he'd go as far as to internet stalk her too. If it were her, she'd deny it. Clovis apparently had more to hide, and that was all too clear.
But the biggest question stood: was Virtue Corp on their side, or were they more aligned with Team Enigma?
She didn't have time to think about it. She had to act fast. Answer fast.
"Figuring out what the fuck the shiny trade is. And where sacrilege is coming from," she said. Maybe she could appeal to the fact that they were on the same page concerning their hate for this institution.
He leaned back and crossed his arms, ducking his chin toward his chest as if he were sinking into deep thought. She decided that it'd be a good idea for her to wrap her thoughts up, lest she accidentally say too much.
"So whatever you're thinking? It's wrong. My intentions are good."
And she hoped she was on the right track.
He didn't move or give any acknowledgment of her words. At least, not until a snicker jolted his shoulders. Shaking his head, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a carton of cigarettes. In a couple of motions, he seemed to have it down to a science, the stick was lit between his teeth. He then shot a look not at her but at Enora. He then gazed out over the garden, and Odette followed his look. Her eyes fell back on the woman who split up the plusle and minun, and she had half a mind to walk over there and punch her square in the jaw. The level of heartlessness was astronomical, she still couldn't fathom it.
"I believe you," Clovis suddenly declared, turning back around and resting his arms on the table.
Odette shot a look at him. "You do?" There was no goddamn way it was that easy.
"You are certain of that?" Enora chimed in.
With a few nods, he met her gaze as he exhaled some smoke. "I'm sure you've seen it. All these mini-auctions?" he asked. "Just the other day, at another one of these parties, I watched a man auction off a phantump to somebody. He later pulled out a pumpkaboo and the thing had no idea where her friend went. The look on her face when she realized was just--" he raised his hand to cut himself off and shook his head despairingly. "It's fucking haunting."
"I just watched someone split up a plusle and minun pair," Odette said numbly. His mannerisms and words looked promising to her. "One of them tried to fight back, and they have...fucking dampeners?"
Clovis exhaled sharply, and he took a deep drag. "Yeah, they do that. Wouldn't be able to keep such a strong hold on their 'mon without them," he said. "The people here do not care about their Pokemon. They care about the money that comes in from the trade, and..."
"...the things that come out of them."
Clovis sent her a hard, piercing look. "Sort of, yes." Another drag from the cigarette. He'd sucked it down almost halfway. "The point I'm trying to make," he said as he exhaled. He opened his mouth to continue but shook his head as he moved his gaze to Enora.
"Do you even want to be here?" he asked. "Be honest. With me and yourself."
Odette also looked over to the sylveon, both eager to hear that answer and to hide her surprise. Asking Enora directly what she was feeling? Nobody aside from Dorien's fake self had done that, and Clovis appeared dead set on hearing an answer, judging by the way he stared Enora down.
Enora's ears drooped for a moment, and her shoulders tensed as she realized she was in the spotlight again. She averted her eyes away, and just when Odette thought she would remain silent, she spoke.
"I do," Enora said sternly. "Where my partner goes, I go."
It was Odette's turn to widen her eyes, and Enora turned to meet her gaze.
She nodded again. Firmly. Absolutely.
She was in.
"I might disagree with her decisions sometimes, but I trust Odette with my life, and that will never change. She would do the same for me."
Odette resisted the urge to throw her arms around Enora, instead settling to place her hand on her head.
"Somebody kept asking me if I'd be willing to sell her earlier," she explained. "It made me ill."
"Indeed," Enora said.
"Well," Clovis said. "I stand corrected. No shiny Pokemon would choose to be here like this unless they really cared." Another drag from the cigarette. "And you wouldn't be repulsed by the idea of selling her like a stock unless you cared for her too."
Odette shared one last look with her trusted partner, who looked far less tense.
"Are you sure?" she mouthed.
"Yes. I am with you."
Odette anxiety subsided, and she felt significantly less screwed than she had just a few minutes before.
"I believe you. And...I apologize for jumping a gun," Clovis spoke.
She shrugged and shook her head, trying to appear as if she were mostly unfazed. "No harm done."
The pained smile he gave her said otherwise, and she understood why.
"Since we seem to be on the same page, though...do you trust me enough to answer some questions?" she pressed.
Clovis sighed very deeply at that. "Surely. I have some myself," he said. "And I propose we answer each other's questions sooner rather than later. But not here." He looked over his shoulder, and she decided to do the same.
"So, may I request that we put a pin in this?" he queried.
Her heartbeat picked up with a mixture of excitement and shock. But, she kept herself together. "I don't think I have a choice. I share your sentiment that this isn't the place," she said. "Though, how do I know you won't play dumb if I try to run you down again?"
She heard him suck his teeth as he turned his head to face her again and took that as an invitation to look at him as well. His eyes were aimed down at the table. Thinking again, most likely.
"Do you have your phone on you?" As Clovis spoke, he was digging into his pocket again. He withdrew the same Applin phone he'd dunked in the vase at the gala. The thing had to have been waterproof because he clicked it on, and it appeared to be working.
"Uh, yeah," Odette said. She reached into the pocket of her skirt and withdrew her own phone. She'd barely gotten it out before Clovis abruptly handed her his. She could see that he'd gone ahead and opened the 'New Contact' menu on it.
"Quickly now," he said.
It might have been a mix of that dumb girl crush and the sheer shock that he was so willing to exchange contacts, but she didn't stall a single second. She snatched the device and punched in her number and name, probably a little more eagerly than she intended to. Upon saving it, she gave it back to him. Clovis tapped the screen several times, and RotomPhone buzzed a second later.
"Bzzt! New text from New Contact: Clovis LeClair!" he said.
"There," Clovis said. "Now you have my number and a written confirmation that we've spoken."
He stood and placed the phone back in his pocket. "We'll be in touch." He switched back to speaking Kalosian, and he went ahead and bowed to her.
"It was a pleasure speaking again, Miss Cinq-Mars. I must make my rounds now, but I'll keep my eye out for you. Keep the handkerchief."
He winked, then walked into the nearby crowd as if nothing had happened. She watched him go, blinking as if she were again watching some sort of mirage fade from view. She exchanged shocked looks with Enora before fumbling to unlock her phone to view the message.
On this day, 1/20/20, Clovis LeClair and Odette Cinq-Mars spoke at a tea party. Clovis and Odette promised to answer each other's questions at a later date.
She read the message over and over again. When he said written proof, he really meant it.
"What do you make of that interaction?" Enora asked.
"I don't know," Odette said. "I think that worked out. But I'll believe it when I see it."
"I am inclined to agree."
She nodded. "Yeah, we definitely should go find them. Noel is going to flip out."
She still wasn't quite sure how to feel about the interaction that just went down. She'd need some time to dissect it, but she felt good about it for now. Her warm feelings for him aside, what just happened felt trustworthy to her now. If he were trying to evade her, he might not have even offered his phone for her number in the first place.
So many questions, but not enough answers. But, at least, she could cling to the hope that she'd get them answered. She also felt proud of herself for managing to snag his number. Of course, it wasn't the way she hoped, but she'd call it a win, all things considered.
"...I am sorry for raising my voice there," Enora said sheepishly. "But I was getting quite heated in the moment, I could not help myself."
Odette frowned, then scratched the sylveon behind the ear again. "It's okay. As I said, I think that worked out."
"But do you trust him? He struck me as rather sincere, but I would tread carefully."
"For now, I want to believe he can be of some assistance. There are too many factors pointing to him being at least somewhat truthful, and that's more than what we have now."
That was one thing she at least momentarily didn't have to fret about. The other issue at hand, though...
She sent Enora a wary look. "Are you sure about this? I don't want you to feel compelled to take part in this if you don't want to. That almost defeats the point, you know?"
Enora pawed her ear in a quick swipe before firmly shaking her head. She sat tall and puffed out her chest. "I have made up my mind, Odette. I am here now, and will be until we drop this," she announced. Odette couldn't help but smile at the display. That time, she allowed herself to go in for the hug.
"I mean it, though. You can cry 'uncle' whenever you want, and I won't blame you," Odette said quietly. "For real, okay?"
"Yes. I appreciate that, but it is not necessary."
Odette released her hold and sat back, feeling just slightly more triumphant. A welcome sensation gave the day she had so far.
"Let's go find Noel, then."
***
Odette weaved along the gravel trails. She'd wanted to walk by the lake, but many people seemed to be down there blatantly ignoring the "Beware of Gyarados!" signs positioned all around the perimeter. None of them appeared to care, though. She wondered if there had ever been an attack at a gathering like this. Trainers frequented those waters a lot, but did the gyarados go after people on land?
Her mind began to wander as she started to imagine herself in a situation of an attack, and her gaze traveled over to Enora, who was in front of her, walking along with Ru on her back. It'd been a while since she'd been involved in a battle with a wild Pokemon, but she supposed it wouldn't be anything she couldn't handle.
"Well. Your impulsivity paid off. Now you're in with the billionaire," Noel said, snapping her back to reality. She looked over at him as he handed her back her phone, an approving look on his face.
She shrugged as she took it, sliding it into her pocket next to Clovis's handkerchief. "He just started to piss me off, and I ran my mouth."
"And you stumped him enough to get him to admit it, at least indirectly. This is big," Noel said.
Another couple who happened to be taking a walk around the bushes too walked by, sending her and Noel polite nods as they went. She returned the gesture and only responded when she was sure they'd gone out of earshot.
"It's something. I'm still thinking about how this is supposed to go down," she said under her breath.
"From what I've seen in the movies, he's going to invite you to an empty, abandoned warehouse for a party," Noel said as he ran his hands through his slicked-back hair.
"That's not funny," Odette breathed. "And for your information, he seemed pretty offended I even insinuated he was a predator."
"Well, that's promising coming out of you. Regardless, wherever he invites you to, you're going to bring Enora and me right?"
At the sound of her name, Enora turned around and smiled. Ru chirped as well.
"I definitely wouldn't want to leave you out of the fun," she snapped. Especially now that Enora was at least tentatively on board. "And I'm obviously not dumb enough to walk off with a virtual stranger when we're investigating something criminal. Playing it safe and covering the bases."
She looked over her shoulder, ensuring they were still far from others as she spoke. The more they freely talked about this, the more anxious she felt herself becoming. Any one of these present snobs could have been listening in.
"Just making sure your formal police academy training wasn't for naught," Noel snickered, kicking a rock aside. His shoe scraped against the gravel, kicking some dust up in the process.
Odette kept her eyes peeled on the distant crowd, and she narrowed them as if that would somehow allow her to see better through the glasses on her face. She eventually caught sight of Dorien standing with Denis, Colin, Adam, and Lionel. As if fate wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, their eyes locked as soon as she noticed him, and he waved excitedly at her.
The smile she formed was bitter as she lazily returned it. Noel noticed her waving and followed her eyes. Upon noticing Dorien, he also began to wave, which was enough to get it to stop. Dorien abruptly dropped his hand and turned to converse with one of the other men. Colin, on the other hand, began to wave, thus prompting Noel to stop.
"Gods, not you," Noel groused.
"Why are you so mean to him? I mean, not that it matters because he's here," Odette mused, "but I didn't remember him being an ass to you."
"He wasn't," Noel said, something far more solemn caressing his tone. "He's an absolute sweetheart, the shiny trade shit aside. This is why I need to be assertive and clear that I'm not interested."
Odette's brow quirked. She knew Noel had his "commitment issues," but something about that seemed...extreme. But she had no room to be skeptical. She was no dating expert. Whatever worked for Noel would work for her.
"I'm more concerned with your man not liking me. I seem to have done a good job on that front," he smirked.
"Lucky you," Odette said. "Maybe you won't get invited to our wedding."
Eyes wide, Noel whipped back around to face her. "Who said anything about a wedding?"
"Oh, you didn't hear? Apparently, it's something he's thinking about. He'd be able to 'die happy' if he could call me his wife," she said sharply.
"Hell no," Noel spat. "You and I are getting married for the tax benefits before I let you meet that bitch at the end of the aisle."
That got a laugh out of her, and she absolutely needed it. She leaned her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his. "My knight in shining armor," she said, feigning a shrill voice. He chuckled and took that as an invitation to wrap his arm around her shoulders.
"I wonder how Denis is dealing with those flagrant ass comments. I think it'd be funny to see them go at it," Noel snickered.
She furrowed her brow, picking her head off his shoulder to peer up at him. "Why would Dorien and Denis go at it?"
Noel sent her a playfully puzzled look. "Denis had a thing for you, didn't he? Some jealous fighting between rich boys might make this more bearable."
"What the hell are you going on about? Denis never had a thing for me," she scoffed, confused. Noel looked positively taken aback. Like he was about to shake some sense into her.
"He asked you out twice."
"Huh?" She felt she would have recalled something like that, yet she was drawing blanks. "If he did, I definitely don't remember."
"Really? I could have sworn he did," Noel said. He seemed to relent because he shook his head in defeat. "But maybe I'm all screwed up by this sleuthing shit. Or you're just cold and are good at putting that shit out of your head."
"I do classify myself as pretty chilly."
I wouldn't forget that, she assured herself. But it was starting to feel like a false statement. Forgetting about Dorien's occupation, and now apparently forgetting Denis of all people had also had a thing for her? Did she really put that much of her secondary school days out of her head?
"What does it matter, though? They're both off the table. If your faith and reads on the silver delphox ring true, he's the one," Noel said.
That was something better to think about. "Really, now?"
Noel began to shake his head. "If he's not lying, he was hella forthright with the flirting. He looked at you like he would melt when we sat down for dinner the other night. When I said he thought you were pretty, I wasn't busting your balls."
"What are you going on about now?"
"See, this is why we're friends, Dee." He pinched her nose with his free hand, causing her to thrash her head to shake him off. "You pick up on everything but the flirting, and that's where I'm holding your slack."
Her expression didn't change. "Again, I ask. What the fuck are you going on about now?"
Noel dramatically rolled his eyes. "He was flirting with you so goddamn hard at the table, I'm surprised even you didn't notice," he said through a laugh. "If he weren't such a scary fucking enigma, I'd have asked for his number on your behalf."
This was news to her. While Noel certainly had a point, flirting was not her forte, she never once got the vibe that him talking to her was him trying to flirt. They were just...talking about her dancing. And he was telling her about things he knew about the wealthy, perhaps things he probably shouldn't have told a stranger such as herself…
Gods, was that flirting? Maybe it wasn't shocking she'd forgotten being asked out twice, this was clearly not her forte. And for all she knew, he was a part of a villainous organization...
Her face had morphed into a more contemplative expression, and Noel laughed heartily. He wriggled his arm out of her grasp and moved behind her, setting his hands on her shoulders to give her a half-hearted massage.
"Sweet, sweet, summer child Odette," he sang. She reached back and smacked him on his wrist.
"I don't do this dating thing, ass," she said. "Especially not now."
"Nothing's stopping you from window shopping, and you can't go wrong with the richest guy in the garden," Noel suggested. "Despite what we may or may not know about him. Ignorance is bliss sometimes."
While she listened to him talk, her eyes started to wander again. She didn't dare look back in the direction she saw Dorien and the other Lansat boys, lest she unintentionally beckoned them over. Instead, she was hunting for silver again. She thanked her lucky stars Clovis had decided to dye his hair such a ridiculous color because she found him easily among the sea of blonde, brunette, and black.
He was standing by a couple of other men, smoking yet another cigarette. His mouth moved as if he were talking, and his lips slowly but surely began to morph into a smile as his shoulders started to shake.
Gods, he even made laughing look dreamy. She didn't even know what the hell was so funny, and she felt the urge to giggle with him.
"I mean, fuck. Look at him," Noel said. "Honestly, once we figure him out, I bet I could make him have a bisexual awakening if I tried hard enough."
"I thought you said I could have him?"
"That's why I said bisexual instead of gay. We can share."
Odette formed a joking comeback but was interrupted by a shrill roar coming from the lake, followed by some surprised gasps and screams. She looked at Noel before rushing around the rosebush she was standing next to get a view of the lake. The sight of a gyarados rearing its head up out of the water, close to the bank, and near a group of people. Some of them scrambled back, but others actually lingered close. There was a distinct sound of laughter in the air now.
"So much for beware of the gyarados," Noel said, an air of disgust in his voice. "Bet they're going to make their poor shinies fight."
Odette had gotten a similar thought, and she didn't like the prospects of that. If any of the present shinies were as tired as the malamar and scizor had been, that wouldn't end well.
A man stepped forward from the small crowd. Heavyset, bald, suit didn't look like it fit well. He raised what she thought was a pokeball, and brought his thumb to his face.
"Desmocula, let's have some fun!" he shouted. The ball opened in a pop of maroon light, and he bit down on his thumb in the same manner Odette had seen Mr. and Mrs. Patenaude do during their battle.
"No fucking way," Noel said. He took the words right out of her mouth.
In another otherworldly show, a demonic Pokemon reared its head. This one didn't look like a fish or a leech. This one closely resembled a bat. Its ears were bigger than its head, and its fangs, dripping with a black substance, protruded from its jaw. Its wings were long, sporting a deep black color. They almost reminded Odette of a cape a vampire would wear. As soon as the monster had fully formed, it launched itself at the gyarados, with a shriek that made her flinch.
"W-what is that?" Enora queried. Her voice broke, most likely from the sheer bombshell she was witnessing. Even Ru looked surprised.
"Remember those Pokemon Isaur and I told you about?" Odette said. "Safe to assume that's one."
The heavyset man wasn't even calling out any moves. He was letting the horrific bat go to town on the serpent. They were matched in size, but it looked like Desmocula was faster. Every time the gyarados tried to whip it with its tail or go in for a bite, the bat was one step ahead. It zipped and zig-zagged around, landing violent nip after heavy slap, and it wasn't long before the gyarados as wobbling in exhaustion.
"Why not record it? You should have filmed the last ones you saw too!" Ru squeaked, pointing toward the fight. Noel bristled at the words.
"Good point," he said. He scrambled for his phone. "Why didn't we film the ones we saw before?"
It was an immediate lightbulb moment, and Odette dug into her pocket for her own phone. She'd been too shocked the first time to think of anything but the battle she was witnessing, but now, with a little more clearness, why wouldn't she try to film it? She wasn't sure what she could do with it, but she'd figure that out later. It was damning evidence as long as she didn't make it obvious what she was up to. Surely the wealthy had a "no cameras allowed" rule regarding these things, considering what a secret it is.
"That's weird," Noel said, tapping his phone screen aggressively. "It's telling me my camera app's disabled here."
Odette frowned as she powered on her phone. She didn't put it past Noel to overuse his phone memory, so that had to be the problem. Luckily, she barely used her camera, so she had plenty of room. She tapped on the app, and positioned herself to start filming by angling herself behind Noel so nobody directly to his left could see her.
"Bzzzzzt. Sorry, Odette. Camera's not working," RotomPhone said.
"What? What do you mean?" she asked. "I have no memory usage. How is it not working?
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Dunno! I can't pull it up. Something's blocking me from accessing it. Bzzzzt!"
Her mouth gaped as she returned attention to the one-sided battle. The gyarados looked like a ragdoll now, but Desmocula was still going at it.
"That doesn't make any sense."
She tried to dwell on it some more, but her focus sunk into the battle upon noticing that the gyarados fell completely limp. A knockout.
Wait...no. The bat wasn't stopping. The gyarados was not fighting back, and Desmocula was still ripping into it.
"Stop," she muttered, somehow hoping that would end the battle. "It's done. What are you doing?"
Nothing happened. The "battle" continued, and blood began filling the water. What made it worse was that she could hear the heavyset man laughing.
"Keep it up, Desmocula! No mercy!"
"Mercy's gone, he's killing it," Odette said loudly. Her lower back started to prickle, and it picked up intensity faster than it usually did. She looked at Noel, who just looked clueless. He was as lost on what to do as she was.
Desmocula went in for another attack, and in a swift bite, it tore off one of the gyarados' whiskers. It didn't even flinch.
She couldn't take it anymore. She'd been walking around despondent Pokemon all day and witnessing the worst of the worst of mankind. She could no longer sit by and watch this happen. Her anger was bubbling over into a violent froth.
Before considering her options, she was already halfway toward the bank.
"Stop! It fainted! You're done!" she bellowed, stomping up to the overweight man. He apparently didn't hear her because he looked surprised when she got to him and grabbed him by the fabric of his sleeve.
"Call that thing back," she seethed. "You're gonna kill it!"
"Bah!" the man spat, swatting at her. "Get away, little one. You don't know what you're fuckin' talkin' about. One less gyarados won't kill anybody, ya know?"
He turned back around, and Odette's vision swam. Without a moment's hesitation, she lunged for the Pokeball in his hand.
"Hey!" he yelped. "I said keep back!"
He wrestled with her, and Odette discovered that there was indeed strength between all that fat. In a single push, he sent her stumbling backward. The force of her head and back hitting the grass knocked the wind out of her, and she coughed violently.
"I should press charges for harassment, you fuckin' bitch. Let me do my thing, and you crawl back from where ya came and do yours."
He stomped back to watch the fight, leaving Odette struggling to recollect herself.
She'd been trying so hard all day to keep it together. She'd been trying so hard to keep herself in control. She dealt with kissing Dorien, discussing marriage with him, getting lectured by Clovis, and watching the shiny trade function. The day had been hell on earth, and she'd managed to keep herself under control and act the part just to find just a smidge of information.
All of that was out the window now. As she pushed herself to sit up, all she could see was red. She reached for a rock.
I'll fucking teach you to push me.
She forced herself to stand and reared back to peg it right at the back of his bald head. However, she was stopped from doing so by that same demonic screech.
"AAAHREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
She looked back up to see the abomination flying back toward the bank. It had left the gyarados floating lifeless on the lake. It landed with a harsh 'thump' on the grass, and the man extended his arms and flexed the pokeball toward it.
"Desmocula, return--"
The man was cut off by the twisted bat pushing him aside, sending him flying to the side. Odette watched in a mix of surprise and delight as he rolled away. However, the surprise and delight were short-lived when she looked back toward the Pokemon and saw it glaring toxic daggers at her. Tarry saliva drilled to the ground as Desmocula crouched low, growling dangerously.
Odette tensed, her anger subsiding and morphing into fear. That fear grew in size as the demon took a step toward her. Instinctively, she stepped backward, dropping the rock, and that was apparently the only invite Desmocula needed. With a hiss, it lunged.
It all happened in an instant. As the giant bat terror flew toward her, an intense ringing filled her ears, quickly becoming so deafening that she could hear nothing else--not the snarl of Desmocula, or the screams of the onlookers. All sound was absorbed in the ringing, and she could do nothing but cover her head.
Then, it was like something had taken over. Pure, undiluted fury--unlike she'd ever felt before--engulfed her whole being, and she suddenly felt like she was on fire. But the fire was...empowering? She suddenly felt energized, strong, and almost...good?
However, this will wasn't her own. Her conscious thoughts still managed to break through.
While all she wanted to do was cover her head, something invisible compelled her to stand upright and look this thing in the face. As she stood upright and opened her eyes, she found that she could only see from her right, as the left had gone dark.
...what the fuck is happ--
Her thoughts and the ringing were abruptly interrupted by her own voice.
Desmocula winced in pain and fell onto its side, writhing and barking as if it were being attacked. It whined in agony as it scrambled back onto all-fours, scurried back toward the heavyset man, then disappeared into the pokeball he'd dropped in a flash of maroon light.
The silence that now lingered was tense. The ringing had gone, and Odette was left with the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears and her breathing picking up intensity. Her eyes remained locked on that pokeball as she searched her brain for an explanation of what had just happened.
That...was her voice. But it wasn't. It sounded like her, but it sounded distorted. Like it was being broadcasted through a weak radio station. Even more so, what had that done to that Pokemon?
Blinking, she very quickly became aware of how heavy she felt. She felt like she wasn't getting enough air, and her head quickly fogged up. She could also feel tears streaming down her face on the left side. When had she started crying?
She was panting now, and her legs began to wobble. Nonetheless, she still found the energy to raise her hand to her cheek and hastily wipe the tears away. But, as she moved her hand away from her face, she saw a speck of deep red. She examined her hand and found her fingers coated in blood.
Everything went black after that.
***
"O? Dee? Hey, come on back! Follow the sound of my voice!"
"Step back, give her some air. Somebody get her some water!
"On it."
"Odette? Please wake up, I am right here."
Odette groaned, and she tried to force her eyes open as she rocked her head from side to side. She felt the grass rustle beneath her as she did and a set of hands on her cheeks, lightly patting her back to consciousness.
"That's it! Hey buddy. Open your eyes and look at me." That was definitely Noel. She could barely make out his silhouette as her eyes adjusted to the light. With a few blinks, she could see his worried yet smiling face.
"Welcome back to the land of the living, madlad," he laughed. "You scared me."
"Noel...what...?"
"You fainted. That Pokemon lunged at you, and you passed out," he explained. He ran his finger over her cheekbone. "Don't know when the hell it cut you in the damn eye, though."
She continued to blink the involuntary sleep away, bringing her hand to her face to rub her eyes. She was startled yet again to find more blood coming from her left, and it was enough to get her to sit up on her own.
"Easy, easy. Go slow, give your brain a second to recuperate."
A hand fell against her lower back, and turning her head in the direction it felt like it was coming from, she saw it was none other than Clovis. He grinned nervously when their eyes met, gripping her shoulder with his other hand.
"Hi, there," he greeted. "Do you know who I am?"
She nodded dazedly. "You're Clovis. I'm Odette. We're in a garden," she said flatly.
He pursed his lips, looking somewhat impressed. "Alright, that's a fantastic sign."
"Thank goodness, I was getting worried!"
Odette moved her attention to Enora, who had crawled into her lap and stared up at her with worried eyes. Odette placed a hand on her head and thumbed her forehead. "I'm awake. I'm awake. Not going anywhere..."
She trailed off just in time for Dorien to jog up, holding a full glass of water. He kneeled in front of her.
"Good, good, you're sitting up. Here, drink," he said, panting. He held the water out to her, and she took it steadily, carefully. She wanted to ensure she'd regained full motor function before she went about snatching things from people.
She wordlessly chugged the water, which did wonders in restoring her to her usual headspace. She no longer felt clouded and tired and instead felt like she could stand. So, she did.
"Whoa, are you sure this is a good idea?" Noel asked, holding his arms out to catch her if she fell. She only stumbled but caught her balance rather quickly.
"I'm good," Odette assured him as she nodded to herself. That was very far from the truth regarding her mental state, but she at least felt like she could drive her motorcycle home now, and that's all she wanted to do. She wanted to get out of here and away from whatever she just bore witness to.
What did I do?
"I think we can go now. I'm ready to go."
"No shot you're operating a bike after just fainting. I'll go call us a Lyft, and we'll come back and get the motorcycle tomorrow," Noel insisted.
"I can drive you home if you'd like?" Dorien offered.
Noel shot him a playfully rancorous grin. "Thaaaaaanks, sweetie, but I think we're good. I got this."
At least Noel could offhandedly curve Dorien without much consequence. It must have been nice.
Clovis interjected into the exchange by raising his hand. "I get free ride share, actually. Let me call it for you," he offered.
Noel looked at him thoughtfully, then clapped his hands together. "I'll take you up on that, good sir."
"My phone's charging at the bar, come on," Clovis said, motioning for Noel to follow him back toward the bar. As they walked away, Odette could hear Clovis telling people to clear out. Odette had been so caught up in her own head that she didn't even notice that there had been a semi-large crowd of patrons gathered around, including the more familiar faces, and they began to dissipate upon Clovis's insistence. That only left her alone with Dorien, and she huffed to herself. She couldn't make any remarks before he had his arms around her.
"Sorry, I--" she started to say.
"Odette," he cut her off.
The raw tension in his voice was jarring. She stiffened her shoulders with a start, and her tired expression turned to something more concerned as she looked up at him. She was jarred for the second time around upon seeing how wildly he was staring at her. His eyes were shining with a harsh mix of seriousness and that malice he seemed to have on standby. It might have been the lasting effects of fainting, or the confusion from what just happened, but she felt an immediate sense of panic.
"Dorien, what are you--?" she tried to ask, leaning away from him, but he jolted her back toward him.
"I need you to tell me how you just did that," he said.
She lowered her brows. There was absolutely no way for her to correctly compute that question because it made no sense to her. "How I did what? What are you talking about? Fainting?"
"No, no, no, no," he said. He sounded like he was on the verge of yelling. "How you hurt Desmocula. How did you do that? You need to tell me."
This was the first time her flight-or-fight senses came to full fruition. Her brain settled on fight because she couldn't run with him on her like this.
"What are you going on about?" she said frantically, leaning her full body weight backward and digging her heel into the ground, allowing herself leverage to push him off of her. However, he was adamant that he not let her go because his grip on her hips tightened. So much so that it actually hurt.
"Don't lie to me. I saw what you did," he said. "I won't tell anybody. You need to talk to me about it."
Her breathing picked up speed, and with whatever might she could muster, she pushed him off. "Stop grabbing me like that," she yelled.
"Keep your hands off of her!" Enora barked simultaneously.
"Yeah!" Ru chimed in.
It was the volume of her voice that finally caused him to let go. When they parted, Enora moved into the space between them and began to arch her back ferociously, now dead set on attacking if need be. Ru followed at her tail, fanning out her small wings for added threat. Not long after, Clovis and Noel come jogging back over. Clovis walked toward Dorien first before looking over at Odette.
"What's going on here?" he asked. "Are we good?'
Dorien huffed, then adjusted his coat. That frantic expression flew off his face, only to be replaced with one of concern. It was that damn easy for him. "All is fine. I think she's still a little confused."
"Confused about what?" Noel inquired, walking up next to Odette and slinging his arm around her shoulders.
Meanwhile, Odette parted her lips to scream an insult but found she wasn't getting enough air anymore. As her breathing sped up, it seemed her lungs shrunk. She was quickly reduced to a panting mess, and whatever heat she'd felt in that moment of strength against Desmocula was long gone. Now, she just felt cold.
"Hey, are you okay?" Clovis asked. He walked up to her and placed his hand on her shoulder again, and Dorien was at his heels.
"Wait, she's pale," Dorien said, his voice rising. "Doll, are you okay? Do you need more water?"
The words formed in her head, but she couldn't speak. She could only focus on breathing. She felt she might suffocate if she stopped for any reason.
Why is this happening now? she thought as some newfound panic began to set in. This is the last thing that needs to happen now, no, no no, I need to be focused...
In a flash of movement, Noel was now in front of her. He ran his hands over her shoulders, trying to generate warmth. "Dee has a history of hypotension. This is one hundred percent an episode; somebody needs to call an ambulance," he instructed calmly.
"Wait, hypotension is...low blood pressure? You can have low blood pressure episodes?" Dorien wondered.
"Yes. Call the fucking paramedics," Noel raised his voice.
"Cancelling the ride, calling," Clovis said. He had his phone in his hand now, and with a few timed taps, he was holding it to his ear.
She wanted to focus on him and his silver hair, but her vision fogged along with her head, and she suddenly couldn't stand it anymore. She lowered herself to the ground, aided by Noel and soon Enora and Ru, when she got closer to the grass.
"You're good. All's good," Noel said, still rubbing her shoulders. He was beaming at her, but his eyes weren't crinkled with the smile. "Focus on your breathing, keep your eyes on me, alright?"
Her blood pressure had always been an issue, but bad drops like this were few and far between. Why an episode started now, she'd never know. Karma for not helping that waiter the other night?
Or...what if it had something to do with that voice she'd just heard? That voice that was hers but wasn't. The way it was the thing that scared that Pokemon off. The way Dorien wanted so badly to know what it was when she didn't even know herself.
She was by no means looking forward to the ambulance ride she was in for, and she definitely wasn't looking forward to the IV drip that undoubtedly had her name on it by now.
But, if it got her the hell away from Dorien for the time being, at least until she could think clearly, she'd suck it up.
Virtue Corp seems to have noble intentions, but they still seem shady. They're against the shiny trade, but that letter from chapter 4 shows they have a connection to Team Enigma, albeit being against them.
The game of Twister was a nice bit of levity.
Noel is right, this is all too much to be a coincidence. There's something big going on, connecting all of this. Just not sure what yet.
Now for chapter 5! Oh boy.
First off, Dorien what the fuck. What the actual fuck. I am terrified for Odette. I am getting really, really, really bad vibes from the stuff after the red dust. Not that the stuff before the red dust wasn't already giving off a million red flags, but it gets even worse afterwards.
Initially, I thought the red dust was sacrilege, but after talking with my best friend and finding that it doesn't really line up with previous sacrilege cases, we came to the conclusion that it was some other drug.
We also discussed what a horrible person Dorien is and why he met with Odette, and came to the conclusion that he was sent from Team Enigma. We also postulated that he must have learned the details about Odette's trauma from somewhere, and came to the conclusion that Odette's grandfather is on Team Enigma, too. Which I am absolutely terrified about!
Overall, fantastic chapters, and I eagerly await Dorien's demise.
This is the first mention of Noel riding with her if I read right, and to me it's pretty late on - the start really painted a picture where I thought Odette was riding solo, so when Noel was mentioned after it was kind of jarring to have to retroactively amend that whole sequence in my head.
“Street racers? Who the hell is street racing in Lumiose at this time of night?” Noel exclaimed, pulling his hand away from Odette’s hair. Before Odette could answer, that same revving noise exploded through the area again, louder than the first.
Some of Odette’s night owl neighbors were out on their balconies with their Pokemon, enjoying the cool post-rain air. They waved as Odette drove by and turned onto the downward incline leading into the garage.
But, the subdued performer part of her was aching to dance along with him. She’d spent enough time on the stage’s wings, watching the dancers run through their steps again and again and again, that she felt as if she knew the choreography as well as she knew the timings of the scene changes.
Odette narrowed her eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the vents? What could you possibly need up there?”
“Kkkkkkkkkkkkyu,” he responded. His body weight shifted slightly, and a slew of other board game pieces and cards fell from the duct. Odette silently watched them all hit the floor before speaking again.
I kind of have Thoughts about pokéspeak, but it's probably not useful for me to give my whole opinion (since it mostly boils down to "I don't like it") - but I will say that I think loyalty to the spelling ends up as a hindrance as cases like these. The "k" in "mimikyu" is obviously a regular K, so when I'm meant to take it as hissing (and a consonant that can be continuously pronounced in general), I don't really know how I'm meant to imagine that.
---
General Thoughts
So I'm a really, really big fan of the first scene. The description is very evocative, and there's just the right amount - not so little that it's hard to get into the scene, but not so much that the narrative seems to slow down. My favorite thing about the scene, though, is the unique tone that comes from such real danger, stress and fury juxtaposed with the whimsy and fantasy of a Cats-like musical's song. I don't remember what last made me think oh, this moment is uniquely special and I am going to remember it. That is something to be very proud about.
I do kind of feel like it makes this chapter kind of front-heavy, though. With something like that at the beginning, the end being basically a domestic squabble results in a sense of imbalance. Odette's wrath tones back to passive annoyance, and the focus seems to shift from her to her team. I know the team's got to have a good introduction, but it just kind of seems to overwrite something that's already ongoing.
Aaaaand speaking of the team:
I know I said this was subjective and just a rant on my part in the previous review when I talked about the Machamp, but this chapter introduced some new details on what pokémon are like and how they are treated and I feel I ought to at least mention a few things. So, to me, that final scene shows us that pokémon are basically just as smart as humans. They know how to perform very complicated tasks (packing) that require categorization (what goes in which box), problem solving (how do I best fit these things in the box) and the comprehension of the physical qualities of a huge number of different items (what is fragile, what is compressible, what can bear weight). They also play complicated games like Monopoly for fun, which means they can not only remember how to play Monopoly (or read the rules before playing) but they would also choose a game that requires this amount of intellect and patience to play over something faster and less thinking-intensive like battling or just straight up napping, which implies that they enjoy being intellectually stimulated... which may also mean that these pokémon may have dreams and aspirations that human society just doesn't allow them to fulfil.
In general, their intellectual and behavioral profile seems to match that of young humans - which is why the whole ownership aspect weirds me out. Sure, adults make decisions on behalf of their children and act as their guardians, but they also can't just go in the Child Forest and catch themselves a new child when they feel like it or decide to adopt a feral child they find under their porch. I know children also differ in the fact that they aren't clearly stronger than their parents and able to resist abuse as much, but the implications of this system just weird me out. Children also eventually grow up and get their full rights, but it seems like pokémon are just kind of stuck as second-class citizens forever.
You said that this story does go into problematic pokémon ownership, but I get the feeling that you're intending to show some people abusing their pokémon instead of going into how the system is oppressive by nature. Sure, abusing your pokémon is clearly wrong and bad and worse than how Odette treats her mon, but to me that's like saying "it's okay to have slaves as long as you don't abuse them". Of course a comparison to slaves is hyperbolic, but the fault of the argument is the same.
However, if pokémon were clearly more animalistic/spirit-creature-like and less intelligent, they become closer to pets, and keeping pets is alright because animals (the ones typically kept as pets anyway) do not have dreams and aspirations you would be keeping them from as their cognition just doesn't go far enough to form those. Roughly speaking, their hierarchy of needs cuts off at the Love/Belonging level (or Safety if the species is non-social enough) and those needs are a lot easier to fulfil, meaning the threshold for someone making a good caretaker is lower and people that could never ever raise kids can easily still be good or at least decent pet owners.
In the end, though, it's your story and you can write it how you see fit. I'm just giving my personal perspective, and many likely won't be as bothered by how pokémon are handled as they are still fantastical beings and reality is very unlikely to map to them 1:1. Rant over.
So rant notwithstanding, I liked this chapter a lot. I think it differs from the first chapter so much for me because the first chapter is quite static in what things are happening and here we get a BIKE RIDE WOO and my brain may really be that reptilian. Good luck with writing onward and see you around!
Heyo! The summary for this one had me interested, and the general premise for this one (fakemon legendaries with blood powers based on the Seven Deadly Sins? 👀 👀 👀) -- plus the impression I'd gotten of Odette from general chatter (small, has capital-p Problems, will crush you if you look at her wrong) -- convinced me to cave and check this out. Reporting back from the end of chapter two here, I certainly wasn't disappointed!
The prologue is a striking enough start that hits all the beats it needs to, I think. Right away, we're shown a mysterious team led by a deeply immoral, unhinged and horny man who has untold resources and shouldn't be allowed to name things. I love the idea of Florent (who I cannot unhear as having a Matt Berry voice) sitting around with all this money he somehow has, in this office in a big high-rise or on a boat or something, and being like:
Now, it is above all vital that we slip under the radar. Our glorious organisation must be inconspicuous; we cannot arouse unneeded suspicion, and no-one must know what goes on here! Therefore, I propose we name ourselves... Team Mystery? No, that doesn't work... Team Strange? No, that's not right either. None of these have the... oomph that I require. How about... Team Enigma? Oh, yes; Florent, you fucking genius, you've done it again! It's settled. Going forward, we operate under the name Team Enigma.
and his lackeys, for fear of being shot or eaten, clap and respond all:
Mmm yes, jolly good, right away, King Florent, sir. Thank you for this most excellent name. You are more powerful and more beautiful than the gods combined. God bless yuo
Anyway! His gallivanting around has gotten him into a spot of bother, now he has another child, and he's down a legendary. Oops! Better fix that. The description you provide of Gulattive is charming and weird, both in its appearance (mouth-stomachs! One of my favourite monster design tropes) and mannerisms; it's willing to go along with Florent and be obedient, but I'm under no illusion that this is anything other than a selfish creature. Florent just deciding to kill and have Gulattive eat the grunts for doing nothing wrong is... interesting, and I would admittedly like to know more about what this purification he speaks of is, but it's something I'll have to read on for, I suppose. :P (Also? Poor Armel, lmfao.)
I like the jump from this immensely powerful shithead man to... presumably his daughter(?), Odette for the chapters proper; it feels fitting for her character. They're neatly placed in opposition to each other, which makes a lot of sense with her being our protagonist and him being our villain, and also her past experiences with abusive men that are hinted at here. They're pretty explicit hints, mind you; we learn that she also killed a fuckin' guy for doing her wrong. On the one hand, I like that the morality in this world doesn't seem to be so black swan and white swan. Odette very much isn't a typical hero, and a lot of that seems to be circumstantial: she's a foul-mouthed twentysomething with anger issues (the scene at the start of chapter two is obvious, but her conversation with Loic seemed genuinely tense, too?) who had to drop out of college, jaded by a world of exploitation and cruelty right on her doorstep (what with the sacrilege crisis and a passing knowledge of Team Enigma related to them), watching her cop grandpa work himself to the bone trying to fix things. On the other, I can't help but feel that her killing this asshole guy we don't know was girlboss behaviour -- this, I'm eager to know more about, because it's a hell of a juxtaposition to what she's got going on now. I appreciate her banter with Noel, too. And I appreciate Noel! He's a fun guy to read about.
Chapter two leaves off in an interesting place, also. I've noticed you talking about Guzma a fair bit, presumably in relation to this fic; the planned move to Alola has me curious to see where things are going. I'm also assuming things will pick up a bit in the next chapter or so? Either way, I'm curious to see where this leads. Two observations that don't really fit into the above points:
- The pokéspeech (something I'm not necessarily against!) was a little distracting in the second half of chapter two specifically. I think it something to do with how, in the second half of chapter two, we were only really hearing from Odette, who seemed to understand what her pokémon were saying and doing a bit more clearly than I could (though, to be fair, the context you provide for what the team's doing makes it a little easy to understand). It got a bit much when the pokémon were all hissing at each other, I found.
- I couldn't shake Purrloins being literally just Cats, right down to Mr. Mistoffelees being there. This implies the presence of a Pokémon world Andrew Lloyd Webber who adapted poems by the Pokémon world T.S. Eliot into a musical, and in the developmental process had the infamous "Hal, it's about Purrloins" conversation with his theatrical director. Dying to know more about this.
This was a fun way to kick off the story, I think! There's enough here to get me invested in these characters, and just as much left unclear that I want to know where all this is headed. Cheers for writing this, and I'll be sure to keep reading when I can!
Hello Sinderella! Here for a Catnip review of chapter 3, as promised. I do have a few quick drive-by comments on the first few chapters, if you don't mind:
Prologue: I noticed in your response to Canisaries' review, you mentioned that Florent's decision to sacrifice his subordinates to Gulattive was influenced by him being possessed by the manifestation of Gluttony, causing him to be more impulsive, and that he'd regret it later. I think maybe doing something to show this in the same chapter - perhaps having Florent suddenly change his mind and try to call Gulattive off but it being too late - would do a lot to counteract readers pattern-matching to "oh, it's just the evil villain sacrificing their own men for petty reasons cliche, how unrealistic".
Also, I wished we got more of a hint at what Gulattive's special powers might be, given that "can overpower four unarmed humans" isn't terribly impressive in a world with typical Pokemon power-levels. (I'm assuming Gulattive must be able to do something special for Florent to justify keeping them around, given all the apparent inconveniences associated with the seven deadly sin Pokemon.) It seems like Gulattive might have some ability to extract information from the subjects it eats based on it saying the grunts "tasted pure", but I was unsure if this wasn't simply a mundane instance of Gulattive not having picked up Venira's scent off them.
Chapter 1: Shinies being disproportionately affected by sacrilege definitely seems weird! You'd expect the people who have them to be careful to protect their very-expensive Pokemon from such things, so my current guess is that for some reason they expect there's a low chance of sacrilege interacting with a shiny Pokemon in some extremely beneficial way, enough to justify sacrificing many of them. My crack theory is that this is the "black swan" in the title, since "black swan" can be used to mean a highly-negative, low-probability event. (Presumably if it's good for the sacrilege users, it's bad for everyone else).
Also, I'd think machamp would be quite overqualified for this stage-hand job! Admittedly I don't know much about theatre, but I wouldn't think being a stage hand would necessarily require much in the way of super-human strength. I could buy the vagaries of fate leading to one machamp doing this, maybe, but two seems like a bit much.
Chapter 2: Odette's interaction with her Pokemon was cute here, and the part about singing the jellicle song to calm down seemed like a plausible approach to handling anger.
Interesting to see that items are a thing in this fic! I've never seen Focus Sashes be represented as something you specifically have to train with, before, but I think it makes sense - it certainly must be difficult fighting when you're just barely above the threshold of fainting.
All primary and secondary Fighting and Steel types; an interesting combination. If and when she ended up in a battle with him, she’d have to watch out. Those Steel moves would send Enora, Loïc, and Isaur to the emergency room at a Pokecenter if she wasn’t careful.
Pokemon being likely to go to the emergency room from standard battling definitely seems a bit more severe than the median setting! I'll note that I didn't really get the vibe that battling was quite this serious from the Dorien v. Odette match in this chapter, given that Odette didn't seem to be worried about Solene's health despite her soaking up hit after hit, in addition to the cavalier attitude taken towards the potential of stray attacks (more on that later).
Mrs. Chuquete scanned her board for a moment, before speaking again. “The slated opponent today was Muraoka Knowles, but she’s called in sick today. So I will give somebody a chance to volunteer, before I just move down the list.”
This seems slightly unfair to Odette; everyone else has to face a random opponent, but she has to face someone who's specifically volunteering to battle her, and therefore presumably more likely to counter her team.
I found myself wondering what the floor of the arena looks like, here, and if it's set up to allow Pokemon to dig in it, given Excadrill's propensity for digging. Apparently not, given that Excadrill doesn't use that tactic in the fight with Ange, when it would've been useful. Seems like something Dorien might've specifically commented on when he was dismissing the arena as basic.
With a final punch, the Reflect barrier shattered, its glassy pieces of it falling to the ground before dissolving into a translucent dust and fading away. That was the punch that sent Solene sliding back into Odette. Odette caught her with ease, and exchanged a look with her.
Having no barrier between the trainers and their Pokemon, such that a Pokemon can actually be thrown right back into their trainer, seems almost suicidally reckless! This is especially glaring given that it's mentioned that the arena has barrier technology that's being used to protect the people in the stands. Are they not worried about stray ranged attacks sailing past their intended targets and striking the opposing trainers?
Minor thing, but I think "but dodged" would make more sense than "and dodged" here, given the conflict between being caught off-guard but successfully dodging.
“Conkeldurr, I have a battle snack for you,” he said darkly as the large Pokemon manifested from its ball. It looked to have the same exact smirk Dorien was wearing just moments before. But that’s not what Odette was hung on at this moment.
What? she thought frantically.
Something about the way he said it sent a chill up her back. Did nobody catch that? Did nobody find that concerning? She thought back to the case she’d read about the drugged out Coalossal eating a Vaporeon mid-battle. She thought back to Noel's finding, and her immediate thought.
I initially interpreted "battle snack" as Dorien saying that the battle would be like a little treat for Conkeldurr; an easy task, somewhat similar to the phrase "a piece of cake". It seems implausible to me that Dorien would've been able to predict in advance that Odette would have this extreme a reaction to the phrase, which seems to me to be what the text is implying.
This seems rather doubtful to me, actually! Drug dealers don't usually give their drugs to their pets! I mentioned early a theory that the shiny traders might be expecting some potential rare benefit from using sacrilege on shinies, but as of right now, there doesn't really seem to be any concrete evidence that there's any benefit at all to using sacrilege on your Pokemon (it's not even explicitly stated that the drug is more enjoyable than other alternatives). I guess being able to order your Pokemon to eat another could be very situationally useful, if that's not something you could get them to do normally, but the costs of potential death or unpredictable weird behavior would seem to greatly outweigh that.
Definitely wouldn't call Dorien's battling 'excellent' here! Is 'interesting things' a euphemism for "horrible tactics"?
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A few overall thoughts: You were definitely successful at making Dorien come across as very slimy here! I was unsure what he was trying to accomplish in this chapter; my guess is that he expected Odette might be under the influence of one of the seven deadly sin Pokemon, and was intentionally trying to rile her up, to try to probe for this. Also I wasn't sure whether he was terrible at battling or just genuinely didn't care whether he won or lost the fight; he was described as getting frustrated in the first half, but didn't seem to show any reaction to losing (and also if my theory about his goal was correct, winning wouldn't necessarily be that advantageous, and it might be useful to hold his actually good tactics in reserve if he anticipated needing to fight Odette for real later).
If he was supposed to be bad at fighting though, he seems to be a little too bad to be realistic; one would expect that "switch out when you have an unfavorable matchup" would be very elementary stuff that even someone quite untalented would grasp by the time they have nine Pokemon.
(On Odette's side, though, I wasn't entirely sure what Odette was accomplishing by keeping in Solene and not having her do anything after she got the charm off. There was really no reason to expect that the Excadrill would decide to walk back to their side of the arena and then charge to set up the sudden Chandelure switch-out; presumably the default expected behavior of a melee attacker who's managed to close with a ranged attacker is that they try to stick to them like glue.)
Regarding Odette's anger issues, I think there was maybe a missed opportunity here of having Odette recklessly send out her strongest Pokemon without thinking, and then have to scramble to think up a strategy to account for this, rather than calmly thinking through what would be the optimal Pokemon to send out first. I say this particularly because it seems like Odette's anger has been pretty toothless up until now in terms of causing consequences for her. All the description in this chapter about Odette just barely holding back her anger rang a bit empty for me because of this; possibly if she'd had a real blowup in an earlier chapter, I'd have felt some tension about the possibility of this happening again.
I guess one big thing driving this for me is that I felt like you pulled your punch with Odette's first major outburst of anger (killing her rapist) in that it was done in a sympathetic situation, and seemingly caused no lasting consequences for Odette (she has a prestigious job, multiple friends, and a team of friendly Pokemon.) Yes, she has anxiety issues, but they seemed more connected to the rape rather than to her response to it. The missing ingredient, I think, is fear - no one's afraid of Odette, and she isn't explicitly mentioned as being afraid she'll hurt someone, unless I missed this. Given that this first punch was pulled, I therefore expect that any subsequent punches will be pulled as well. (Note that I'm not actually suggesting that you change anything about Odette's backstory, given how major a change it would be. Just explaining where my feeling's coming from. The possible remedy I do suggest is getting to an 'unpulled punch' sooner rather than later.)
On a positive note, I thought the prose quality was consistently solid throughout the chapter, and during the battle, I was able to clearly envision what was happening. Sorry if this whole thing ended up being a bit disjointed; if you have any questions about my review, feel free to message me on TR or Discord, although I check the forums more frequently these days.
