The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[Chibi Pika]

"What presents are Lee talking about, then?"

"Hm?" Palkia checked the transcripts, which was apparently a thing it could do. "Oh! You're referring to this, no?"

"Everytime one of us dies or disappears or whatever, the others wake up to an opened present with either coal for whoever's been..." Still not going to say naughty. "...bad, and an actual present for those that weren't. And by those I mean just Mewtwo as he was the innocent one to die. Disappear. Kinda miss his stuck up attitude."

"Well yes, of course this is referring to the black presents. Squirt, Mewtwo, Mia... they all opened their presents, and they've all vanished. 'Don't open until Christmas,' after all!"

 

[Tanuki]

"The ones under the tree, the opened ones," Lee pointed out, another bottle already in paw. "See? This one for Mia is opened, there's coal in it because she was na-- bad, and she's gone. Mewtwo's was just a large box with toys in it, and he was innocent. And the same is for Squirt's, I believe."

"Hm?" Palkia checked the transcripts, which was apparently a thing it could do. "Oh! You're referring to this, no?"


"Well yes, of course this is referring to the black presents. Squirt, Mewtwo, Mia... they all opened their presents, and they've all vanished. 'Don't open until Christmas,' after all!"

"I know this is a stupid question, but do they happen to say who they're from?"

 

[Fusion]

"I know this is a stupid question, but do they happen to say who they're from?"

"..." Lee facepalmed, forgetting he had a bottle in hand and smacking himself in the face with it. "Did fucking anybody check the gifts?"

 

[Namohysip]

"Pfft, as if I can read."

 

[Tanuki]

"..." Lee facepalmed, forgetting he had a bottle in hand and smacking himself in the face with it. "Did fucking anybody check the gifts?"

"Well, I doubt whoever did this would be dumb enough to sign the murd—weapon."

Each present was clearly marked as "From: Santa."

 

[Fusion]

Each present was clearly marked as "From: Santa."

Lee's eye twitched, and not just from the stinging pain of hitting himself with a bottle either. "From... Santa. Santa. The guy we were told was killed..." he looked at the television screen, growling. "The guy YOUR committee told US was DEAD!"

"This entire thing was a waste of time, then?! We've been trying to solve a murder that didn't happen, because the murderer was the first one to be 'killed!'" Lee angrily put his bottle on the bar, cracking the bottom slightly. "I actually cared about this, and that was for nothing?!" he laughed. "Oh wait, that's right, they might not even BE dead! Just hiding around with some jolly red fatass who then decided to make us scramble around trying to see who the real killer was!"

He took the deepest breath he possibly could, then took back his bottle, reappeared in the main room, and sat himself beside Gen and the monopoly board. While he wasn't visibly furious, faint, black embers rose steadily off his body. "Gimme the tepig piece, please," he asked Gen.

 

[Tanuki]

Lee's eye twitched, and not just from the stinging pain of hitting himself with a bottle either. "From... Santa. Santa. The guy we were told was killed..." he looked at the television screen, growling. "The guy YOUR committee told US was DEAD!"

"This entire thing was a waste of time, then?! We've been trying to solve a murder that didn't happen, because the murderer was the first one to be 'killed!'" Lee angrily put his bottle on the bar, cracking the bottom slightly. "I actually cared about this, and that was for nothing?!" he laughed. "Oh wait, that's right, they might not even BE dead! Just hiding around with some jolly red fatass who then decided to make us scramble around trying to see who the real killer was!"

He took the deepest breath he possibly could, then took back his bottle, reappeared in the main room, and sat himself beside Gen and the monopoly board. While he wasn't visibly furious, faint, black embers rose steadily off his body. "Gimme the tepig piece, please," he asked Gen.

A confused, awkward silence came as the only answer until a table appeared on screen.

Prophet	Steve Jobs	Ishmael	Odysseus	Romulus
Suspect	Nilam	Nocitalin	Palkia	Santa

 

[Tanuki]

"So, um. Monopoly? Oh, and uh, don't forget to vote, jurors."

 

[Persephone]

Ram Nilam.

 

[Tanuki]

Prophet	Steve Jobs	Ishmael	Odysseus	Romulus
Suspect	Nilam	Nocitalin	Palkia	Santa
Voters	Nocitalin

 

[Shiny Phantump]

"Noctilain it is, then..."

 

[Tanuki]

Prophet	Steve Jobs	Ishmael	Odysseus	Romulus
Suspect	Nilam	Nocitalin	Palkia	Santa
Voters	Nocitalin	Abigail

 

[IFBench]

Gen hesitated, then handed the Tepig piece to Lee.

 

[IFBench]

Gen rolled his own die, revealing a 5.

 

[Fusion]

Lee silently took the tiny pig and flicked a di, getting a one. He grumbled to himself, taking a sip from his drink.

"Not everyone is gonna be here to vote, you know?" Lee said to Elbert, but didn't turn to face the screen. He placed his piece on the "go" square and took another sip. "What are you gonna do if not everyone votes?"

 

[Namohysip]

"Wait, what were we doing? I wasn't paying attention. Which person whose name starts with N am I supposed to be going for?"

 

[Fusion]

"Wait, what were we doing? I wasn't paying attention. Which person whose name starts with N am I supposed to be going for?"

"Honestly, I have no idea," Lee shrugged, grabbing his di. "Flip a coin or something."

 

[Namohysip]

"Hmmm..."

Darkwhite scrunched up her face and pressed her head into her shoulders. She curled up and flattened out. "Okay," the flattened Darkwhite said. "Heads, Nilam, tails Nocitalin."

She tossed herself in the air and landed on the ground with her rear facing the sky.

"Tails!" her muffled voice said. "Guess I'm voting Nocitalin."

 

[Fusion]

Darkwhite scrunched up her face and pressed her head into her shoulders. She curled up and flattened out.

Lee wondered if he'd be able to do that. Granted, he never tried, and he doesn't exactly want to try now, so he told himself to remember to when he got back home. Someone would definitely get a kick out of him being two dimensional.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Prophet	Steve Jobs	Ishmael	Odysseus	Romulus
Suspect	Nilam	Nocitalin	Palkia	Santa
Voters	Nocitalin	Abigail

Palkia dropped its cookie. "Well I was going to vote for that rapscallion Palkia, but I can't not vote for Santa."