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Poppin' Arms Guild ~ Main Lobby

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Dragonfree

Moderator
Staff
Location
Iceland
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Partners
  1. butterfree
  2. mightyena
  3. charizard
  4. scyther-mia
  5. vulpix
  6. slugma
Dave looked at Owen, at Soda, at Breaker. Well, she sure could mess with a bunch of heads. Or any sufficiently powerful Psychic, like Karat. Or... omnipresent dark emotional void Overseer therapist Bean.

"Soda, we just want to figure out what the hell is going on and what happened to your memories. You already know something's off. Just... let us help you."
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
"You're asking who?" Nate said. "Overseers much? Ain't busting up worlds their whole schtick? And I don't think it's no coincidence that Eien's one of them. Maybe they didn't take kindly to her getting too buddy-buddy with a Dark Matter. One of them gone rogue, personal vendetta, whatever, you think they could swing it?"
"... Would one of the Overseers go so far...? That would mean Maple would have been directed towards Cibus, while they knew Eien was present... ...Perhaps by using Soda."

"I don't think an Overseer could do any of this," Owen said. "Bean would know, for one, and Bean's... well, he's so nice! Also I'm pretty sure Arceus has tabs on him."

"It's true," Pop replied. "If Bean did anything out of the ordinary, I'd notice it. Despite how many of him there are, he is a creature of habit. A charge in any of his careers could take decades, and he hasn't done one in a while." He shook his head. "I understand some of you are skeptical of the Overseers, but I think we can rule them out here. They can only help us... ineffectual and slow as they may be at times."

"...Huh. Wonder how much money you can make with ten jobs," Cal wondered aloud.

"Hey, can I ask y'somethin', fella?" she drawled. "Yer prime self way up there. Did he plan fer Joule to hit the moon with Blacklight? Or is he just takin' opportunity over somethin' unintended?"

"The moon?" Soda asked, still apprehensive. His words came slowly, like he was being more careful. "Yeah, well, I just knew it'd be a good idea to go there once everything was all set," Soda replied, nodding.

"...You just knew?" Owen asked.

"Hmm." Diyem said nothing more, but he studied Soda closely.

"Yeah. I didn't plan for Joule to shoot at the sky, just... wasn't surprised when it happened."

"I don't recall," Joule added, "my reasoning, either. It simply felt like the best place to offset my energy."

"Mmmm." Diyem thumped his tail on the floor, nodding to himself.

"It was all just something that made sense, alright?!" Soda spat, but then felt someone tug at his arm. "What?!"

"Strange. Your illusions are not working. Flustered."

"What of it?" Soda pulled away from Breaker, but then her hair's grip doubled on his arm. "Yow! Hey, quit twisting!"

"Soda, we just want to figure out what the hell is going on and what happened to your memories. You already know something's off. Just... let us help you."

"Gh..." Soda pulled again, but Breaker didn't let go. And, finally, he relented, glaring at Dave with a look that suggested, 'This better be worth it.'

"Sit."

"Where?"

With a disturbingly skilled gesture, she tugged and Soda crumpled to the floor. Breaker seemed stronger than she looked...

"Bitch..."

"I heard?"

"...I've got an itch."

"I see. You scratch later. Hold still. No Dark resistance."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill..."

"Have honest mind."

A tense silence followed where anybody who tried to speak up would be silenced by a glare from Breaker or, occasionally, Diyem or another. Potluck and Joule in particular seemed worried about what they would find from their dear ally...

And finally, Breaker pulled away. "I am done."

"I don't feel any different," Soda said.

"Done analyzing."

"Okay, sure. What, do I gotta pay for the rest?"

"No." Breaker then addressed the others. "His mind is..." She made a few gestures. "Stained glass, put together with Joltik silk."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"Your mind," Breaker said, and then hummed. "Ahh, how to say... shattered, but not. The pieces are there, but... smudged, broken, adjusted. Some, darker. Others brighter."

"What... what does that even mean?" Owen asked.

Breaker hummed, and then gave him an apologetic look. And, in that brief moment, Soda looked truly afraid, his ears pinned down, his whole stance shrinking.

"I... cannot fix. Not alone." It looked painful for her to say. "If I try... delicate. The Joltik web, it will... break. And then, pieces."

"You mean to say that if you make the wrong move, his mind will shatter," Diyem summarized.

"Insanity," Breaker confirmed. "And then... I do not know if... it is reparable."

"So, what, are my memories... wrong? What do you mean, darkened, brightened, webbing--what the fuck are you talking about?!" His voice cracked, but Breaker held his shoulder gently. Too gently for her normal countenance. "What... what's happened to me?" he asked, every word shakier than the last. "you're... you're lying to me, aren't you? I'm just fine, I'm... fine. There's nothing... wrong. This is all just to trick me into... this is why the Prime me cut us off. So if we were manipulated... it wouldn't work on him up there! I..."

"...You need rest," Breaker said. "You may be Substitute, but you are still part of Soda. Rest. Perhaps mind will become... firmer."

Soda only replied weakly, "I'm not..."
 

Dragonfree

Moderator
Staff
Location
Iceland
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Partners
  1. butterfree
  2. mightyena
  3. charizard
  4. scyther-mia
  5. vulpix
  6. slugma
The description of a stained-glass mind held together with spider silk made Dave’s skin crawl. He glanced over at Brisa, the simultaneously sickened and frightened expression etched on her face even as she couldn’t look away. Fucking psychics.

Soda was having some kind of goddamn breakdown and it was hard to entirely blame him. “Soda, you know there’s something wrong. You don’t remember talking to your own fucking partner. Just work with us and we can figure out who did this to you.”

This shit about the moon was incredibly fucking creepy. Was there somebody associated with the moon? ...Was it just fucking Lunala Giovanni again?
 
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Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
Soda didn't reply to Dave; he still seemed to be in mild or moderate shock. Breaker didn't press, and instead looked to the others. "Is that all I am needed for?"

"For now," Diyem said. "Thank you. The information you provided was very helpful."

"Do not die. Goodbye. Soda, you are welcome in our offices." And with that, she drifted off, disappearing with Wheat once again.

"...Welcome..." Soda squeezed his claws. "Welcome, why am I welcome... after everything..."

"Because you're my friend," Potluck said, perking up. "Even if... maybe you made some mistakes... I don't think you would really do something like that! Y-you... maybe you really were manipulated! And... and..."

"The reality," Diyem said, "is it may be both. But what's more important..." He let out a low, rumbling growl. "Giovanni was our original mastermind. But as it turns out, Soda was going even further and usurped him. And despite everything, we now know that there is a mastermind behind even that. Behind everything... Someone with the power to not only manipulate minds, but corrupt them as well."

"Hm... well." Giovanni spoke up from his video. "I do have one question. Where is my Mewtwo?"

"What?"

"He followed my orders and my orders alone," Giovanni said. "Soda, did you manipulate him?"

"No. I thought you commanded him to take Cola."

"Hmph... No. I was not able to know anything about the outside world for a while. I had no contact with Mewtwo."

"Don't look at me," Silver said. "I'm in the same place."

"Then... who's controlling him?" Owen asked. "Do we even... know anything about that guy? I thought he was just an empty shell, or something..."

"Well, there is that one thing..." Cal glanced at Nate and Astrid.
 

Fusion

Oh knee on
Location
Here, silly
Pronouns
Him/His
Partners
  1. zoroark
"You're kiddin'... masterminds on masterminds? This some kinda super villain bargain sale?" Scrafty groaned, rolling his eyes. "Hope there ain't another fucker over whoever fucked with Soda."

Unlike their shadow, Puddle and Vix were dead silent. To Puddle, the idea of someone managing to mess with Soda was... frightening. How strong would someone have to be to even do that?! Not even Pop knows if he could do that, and Pop's... Pop! What could someone or something like that do to the rest of the team? To Diyem? The other familiars? Puddle shook in place, hiding behind Scrafty, but it didn't know from what. All that mattered was that being with this shadow Scrafty thing felt safer than not.

Vix, instead, silently stared at Soda... or rather, his substitute. Everything everyone said was true, the Soda substitute even admitted to it. He caused so much... bullshit, for a reason he wasn't even sure of to begin with. But... he wasn't, or isn't, himself. This was someone else's doing. Just like Silver and Giovanni, Owen and S'more, and even Vix herself to an extent(seeing how her mental blockage was her past self's doing), Soda was a victim, but... that shouldn't excuse his actions. But he also needed help. He would have to face his consequences, but he was suffering enough already... right?

Not really knowing what to do, Vix just... stayed there.
 

Negrek

Windswept Questant
Staff
Nate scowled when Owen said the Overseers couldn't be involved. Bean wasn't exactly the only one of them in the whole fucking universe. Those bastards had to be involved here, somehow.

Holy fuck, though. Breaker's description of whatever the fuck was up with Soda's mind. Nate dug his fingers against the tile. He was getting pretty fucking tired of all the goddamn villains around here turning out to be pathetic. Couldn't there be at least one genuine asshole on this fucking stupid planet?

"Leave the guy alone," he said, when Rocky started to move in Soda's direction. The familiar stopped and turned back to him, and Nate gave him a meaningful look before addressing Cal.

"Yeah, me and Astrid visited the guy when he was in the lab. Didn't exactly do much, just kinda stood there, you know. But when we went to poke him, like actually touched him, we had like some kinda funky vision"--he glanced over at Astrid, but she looked to be no more than semiconscious--"both of us, uh, the same thing. We were in the middle of some kinda huge storm, like a hurricane or some shit, and we couldn't move. The mewtwo was there, too, with the star thing on his chest glowing real bright, coming at us, like all reaching for us and shit. Then this like phantom Diyem ripped out of us, like, burst out of our chests almost? And attacked the mewtwo, and he ran away back into the storm. Dunno if you can make any sense of that." He nodded at Diyem. "It was pretty goddamn freaky."'

"Rocky tried poking the guy, too, and all that happened was he got some burnt fingers." And Rocky--where was Rocky? Oh, for fuck's sake.

The familiar cautiously approached Soda, creeping along like he was terrified the zoroark was going to turn around and notice him. "Um," he said squeakily when he'd reached what was probably somewhere in Soda's peripheral vision, "thank you for saving Cola. Sorry if I was mean. I... I didn't realize... about everything..."
 

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. mew-adam
  2. celebi-shiny
  3. roserade-adam
At Nate's narration, Cynthian held her chin in thought and grimaced. Sword and Shield were standing close by, and a glance at them reminded her of what Koamaru learned from her last time. A dark red storm, someone grabbing her..

"Um Sword? I heard you saw something like that when you first woke up as Darkwhite. Is that right?" Cynthian asked, scooting over to the Mew. "Have you remembered anything more about it since then?"
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
Dunno if you can make any sense of that." He nodded at Diyem. "It was pretty goddamn freaky."'

"...Mm. I have no recollection of that, so it may be my powers being symbolized in that way," Diyem stated. "I have not encountered something of that nature before. But the way it was described... That might have been some kind of mental landscape. Psychic Pokemon in particular, very advanced ones, can create actual battlefields in the mind in order to perform more elaborate effects on people. Extreme, deep hypnosis, mind-damaging effects, or..." He glanced toward Soda. "...Hmmm..."

"Um," he said squeakily when he'd reached what was probably somewhere in Soda's peripheral vision, "thank you for saving Cola. Sorry if I was mean. I... I didn't realize... about everything..."

The Zoroark Substitute didn't look directly at Rocky. He just murmured something, perhaps it was, "Don't bother with me," as he searched for a place to disappear. Still, he found none, which was rare.

Flesh was lumbering closer; his illusion had dissolved a long time ago. But he still gently wrapped one of his greater arms around Soda and pulled him close, pressing him against his body. He growled something to Soda, and Soda winced a little. But Flesh's tone suggested it was a gentle statement.

"Um Sword? I heard you saw something like that when you first woke up as Darkwhite. Is that right?" Cynthian asked, scooting over to the Mew. "Have you remembered anything more about it since then?"

Shield had been entirely focused on keeping Sword behaved in the corner of the room. "What?" Sword asked, wriggling out of Shield's grasp enough to talk. "Oh, about that storm thing? Not really. I just remember he got close and then... No, that's about it."

"Do you have any memories of that?" Diyem asked Soda.

Soda wasn't responding ,too lost in thought.

"Mm... He would have mentioned such a thing by now. Soda either does not remember or never experienced it... But considering the state of his mind..."
 

Fusion

Oh knee on
Location
Here, silly
Pronouns
Him/His
Partners
  1. zoroark
Scrafty, having to be the voice of his little trio, sighed and said, "Maybe we should give this Soda some time to mentally recover after... learnin' he's literally fucked in the head. Maybe somethin'll come back once he calms down some. Can probably trust the God Squad to watch over him too, 'till he's well enough to talk more."
 

Cresselia92

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her/Hers
Partners
  1. ho-oh
  2. sneasel-nyula
  3. rayquaza-cress
  4. celebi-shiny
There was so much to take in, but finally all loose ends were starting to connect with each other.

An evil god. A broken fox. A shattered mind.

Hm. Funny. It was almost like Icetales was describing himself.

‘I mean, I wouldn’t call your bastard father a god, to be fair…’

‘He sure sounded like one, by the way he behaved. Also, thou dost not know the full extent of his powers…’

‘…Wait! Does that mean that you’re a demigod, or…?’


Icetales mentally scoffed. ‘Balderdash. I am no such thing. I am the weakest member of my family, the dark creature of the clan. My family was very adamant in reminding me that every day of my life…’

For a moment, Petram scrunched his muzzle, a thoughtful expression flashing in his eyes. ‘And… do you really trust the words of people who mistreated you all your life? Who regarded you like trash, dumping you at any chance they got? Can you really believe those words?’

…Could he really believe those words? For a moment, Icetales was stunned, pondering about those questions.

His family kept things secret from him all the time. What if they lied to him once more? About… something he didn’t know?

The noble fox dug his claws on the floor, his tails lashing at the air. Dark fumes seeped from the tips of his tails, a suspicious expression on his face.

‘I would need to seek answers.’ Icetales shook his head. ‘But not now. I have plenty I need to sort through, first…’

‘Well, huh… Should we go try to reach out for that fake Soda? He seems… confused.’


Icetales stared at the Zoroark in the Guzzlord’s embrace, thinking what he should do about that. He took a deep breath and walked forward, asking for permission to go through to his teammates. Once he was in front of the other fox, he flashed a small smile. There was some sympathy, but also shared pain in those pupils.

“I… am sorry that thou had to go through all of that, Sir Soda. Nobody should go through such terrifying experiences, nor have their minds shattered and realities warped,” he said, his tone gentle. “While whatever plan thy true self is attempting is of dubious nature and plenty concerning, I have the feeling that it is this Blacklight and his pain that is pulling the strings.” He sighed and showed a gentle smile. “Howbeit… If thou art willing to cooperate, perhaps we can find a solution? Thou know what we have accomplished so far.” His smile brightened, showing the only thing he had in spades — hope. “So, what is one more miracle for us?”
 

Dragonfree

Moderator
Staff
Location
Iceland
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Partners
  1. butterfree
  2. mightyena
  3. charizard
  4. scyther-mia
  5. vulpix
  6. slugma
Dave watched as Flesh pulled Soda into some kind of embrace, gaze lingering on him for a moment, but then turned back to Diyem and to the screen showing Giovanni. "Well, what are the odds it's just that Mewtwo, as an autonomous being? When you say it followed your orders alone, was it literally just a puppet under your control, or did it, you know..." Ugh, Cibus. "...have a soul, of some kind? And does anyone have a clue why whoever the mastermind is might be so preoccupied with the fucking moon? Sounds like there's something pretty big we're missing and I really don't like it." He paused. "If it's got to be a particularly powerful psychic, how many people on Cibus might fit the bill? Karat? Joule?" He narrowed his eyes momentarily at the light dragon.
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Anger kepts its claws sunk into Koa until Breaker finally gave a confirmation. Soda, or at least this... Substitute? Secondary Soda? Wasn't lying. He wasn't playing another trick. His mind had been... Broken.

Guilt and pity twisted his heart. Oh muk it. Why did everything have to just keep getting more and more complicated? First someone was a villain then they weren't then they were on the moon but they were also not on the moon and-

He suppressed a groan. All these thoughts just made his brain ache.

Forcing himself forward, he stiffly walked toward the distressed Zoroark. "I'm sorry. For whatever did this. No one deserves that and... I'm going to find whatever or whoever did this," anger tinting his voice. He paused, his gaze softening as he considered his next words. "What do you want to do though?"
 

Negrek

Windswept Questant
Staff
"Mental landscape, huh?" Nate said. Good thing the mewtwo he knew wasn't capable of doing anything like that, or he was pretty sure anyhow. "I figured you weren't really there or nothing, but that weirdness was a representation of your powers, like you said... Well, being made of Dark Matter don't protect you from normal psychic bullshit, right? What would it protect you from? If that's what it meant, like a symbol of your powers chasing the mewtwo off. And how come Rocky didn't see nothing? Can shades not go in a psychic whatever-whatever?"

And then the roserade was talking about some other storm, one that Sword was supposed to remember. "Was there some kind of big storm?" he asked. "Around the time Sword and all them would have landed?"

Rocky didn't protest as Flesh came over to embrace the Soda-clone, and let Koa go over to have his own word with the zoroark. After a moment he turned away and watched Nate instead, his ears pinned back.
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
Soda didn't respond directly to Koa. He seemed conflicted, still, or perhaps... lost.

Joule perked up at the sound of his name. "Oh? Oh, well, I certainly can't be corrupted like that anymore. Look at how bright I am!"

"Joule, your mate... was also really bright, and, well..." Owen tried to avoid eye contact. Still, Joule would be too easy to notice if he was trying to do something strange or nefarious. Joule was right about one thing--it was impossible to not look at how bright he was.

"Storm, storm... I remember it being a storm, kind of. But could it have been a mental thingy, too?" Sword asked, tilting her head. "I dunno! It felt real! But I guess the vision you had also felt pretty real..."

"Hmm. It can't be Karat," Diyem said. "There are too many witness accounts of his presence throughout Destiny Village during moments when we'd been dealing with Blacklight troubles, and he would have certainly been spotted performing Psychic manipulation in that way..."

"But what if this all started before we came here?" Owen asked. "I have something in me right now from when I'd first arrived, and it's still here. What if... a powerful Psychic set this up from the beginning, and all he had to do was remotely set people off?"

"...You do realize you just referred to yourself as a ticking time bomb, right?" Diyem asked.

"I'm used to it."

"Mm." Diyem hummed, considering the reasoning. "If it's someone who set it all up at the beginning... then Karat is a reasonable suspect. The Blacklight Mewtwo himself is also one, if he was only faking being dormant."

"I doubt that," Giovanni said. "My Mewtwo is a perfect weapon. He does not feel or act without my command. He is what another Giovanni failed to make of Karat."

Owen's jaw seemed tense again.

"Clearly," Diyem said, "that is no longer true, as the Mewtwo is acting on its own. In fact... if I had to pick anyone of our roster, there seems to be one common denominator." Diyem looked at Sword, then at Nate, and then at Soda. "Psychic, Blacklight corruption, memory seals the likes of which we have no recognition of, and energy signatures that keep pointing to Karat. But what you just said, Giovanni. Karat--a Mewtwo of the same origins as you. How do you know that?"

"Oh, that one's easy," Poffin spoke up. The Slaking raised a massive, meaty hand to get their attention. "Karat showed up at the holding cells when he found out Lunala was Giovanni. There was a dark look about his eyes. I monitored it, and so did a few others at the guild. Karat was asking some weird questions about some place called Kanto, and why he did what he did. Seemed like ancient history to me, or maybe the world Karat came from."

"Mm." Diyem nodded. "...With that, I do not think Karat is our suspect. If anything, he is a victim. Which narrows things down considerably, doesn't it?"

"...Is Giovanni's Mewtwo--not Karat, but the corrupted one--is he actually... the mastermind?"

"Ridiculous," Giovanni said, scoffing. "He is a weapon. Perhaps he is only acting on old orders."

"Did you ever order Blacklight Mewtwo to seize Cola specifically?" Diyem asked.

"...Remind me, which one of you is Cola?"

"Oh, that one's me!" Cola said, waving a hazy hoof. Zinc helped have their screens face one another. There did not appear to be any recognition in Giovanni's eyes. In fact, he seemed mildly disturbed, as if trying to figure out what Cola was supposed to be.
 

Disco

Ace Trainer
Pronouns
They/Them
"...It seems you do not have the control over him you thought you had. But of course you wouldn't understand why you no longer do...", Raven commented, and hummed to herself. "The moment Mew-Two was here, with the power blacklight gave him, he took control. ...It is possible that he seeks revenge."
 

Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Location
Residency hell
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. dreepy
  6. mewtwo-ambyssin
“Humph.” Bahamut finally stirred. “If you ask me, that mewtwo sacrificed its soul for power. And that is what it has become. Pure, raw power. A literal force of nature. It only exists to further itself by any means necessary.”
 

unrepentantAuthor

A cat that writes stories.
Location
UK
Pronouns
they/she
Partners
  1. purrloin-salem
  2. sneasel-dusk
  3. luz-companion
  4. brisa-companion
  5. meowth-laura
  6. delphox-jesse
  7. mewtwo
  8. zeraora
Brisa's tongue had fallen still since Soda's answer about the moon had been interrupted by Breaker examining his mind. She stared, her upper lip drawing back slightly, her tail falling still and to the ground, ears flat against her head. Luz tried to catch her eye, but she wouldn't meet her familiar's gaze. Dave tensed next to her, no doubt imagining she was freaking out at what Breaker was doing. It wasn't that, not exactly.

"Goddamnit, goddamnit, I've felt this way for six fuckin' years, and it was all for the sake of nothin', god fuckin' damn it!"

"He doesn't even know what he's after," she said, quietly. To herself, mostly, but those nearest her would hear. "He doesn't even know if his feelings are authentic. Not really."

The conversation went on, switching to the various mewtwo, a species created as a weapon, allegedly. What would make a person so callous towards the life and innate rights of other thinking beings that they'd become capable of making them into something like that? What would make a person use another person that way...?

Everything was so fucked up. Cibus was a world of hospitality and feasting and good vibes where if you threw down with someone they cheered your name. It shouldn't have a creature like Giovanni present, talking about perfect weapons.

Her eye twitched.

"Giovanni an' Silver. Where under sky did you even find the Blacklight Mewtwo, anyway? And was he corrupted before or after yer involvement with him?"

She felt fucking sick.
 

Negrek

Windswept Questant
Staff
Nate narrowed his eyes at the mention of Kanto. By now he'd heard about enough different iterations of it that he wasn't by any means surprised that that's where Karat came from--hell, where else would a mewtwo come from?--but it wasn't exactly a happy reminder. If people from Kanto could show up in this world, then Cibus bullshit seemed like it could spill over into home way too easily for Nate's taste.

"Well, as far as acting on his own goes, at least Soda seemed to think he was." Nate shot a sidelong look at the morose substitute (if it was a substitute). "He said something when the guy showed up at the tower, like 'I know what makes you tick' or some shit. Wouldn't make much sense if somebody else was ordering the mewtwo around. Dunno what, like insight he might've thought he had."

He turned to Chip. "Chip, did your sensors pick up anything before that mewtwo busted out of the lab? Anything that might be a signal, or give us a hint why the guy woke up all of a sudden?" Nate rubbed at his head. "I mean, otherwise, I dunno how he knew anything interesting was going on outside. Like, he couldn't hear nothing from where he was, right? Can psychics, like, send their mind wherever, while their body stays somewhere else? Is that even a fucking thing?"
 
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