Pokémon Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Guardians of Balance

[Arukona]

Hello there! It's been quite a while since I last jumped into this fic - all the way back in February 2023, if memory serves. But nearly two years later, I figured I'd check out this fic again seeing as how you have a nice heat bonus built up that I figured I'd cash in on. So may as well get into it, starting with where I left off last time...

Chapter 5

Looks like some interactions with whoever brought Sam to this world, if I had to guess. Though I'm presuming they have a physical presence in this world, almost like they're by his bedside, watching his unconscious self. They clearly want to be kept hidden, though - so will it be a matter of playing "Guess Who the Voice Is?" among the Guild folk here?

And whoever this Voice is, their communication lines are still clearly patchy as hell. I'd get that looked at if I were them.

What a thing to wake up to - a grumpy nurse. Right after being accosted by a Swampert murderer - yeah, not exactly the best entrance to this world, eheh.

"Rebecca didn't even want to be a nurse, but the last one went off to the mainland."

Tilting his own head, Sam could only frown. "Why do it then?"

"Because no one is as good as her with healing moves… as she did volunteer."

Man, even in the Pokémon world, we have a nurse shortage. Alas, there are only so many Pokémon in the world that know Heal Pulse.

This Blaziken's name is Rex, huh? Has this guy made himself the Aegis' driver, by any chance?

Wouldn't be the first PMD fic I've seen where a human says they have amnesia in order to hide the awkward truth that they're a human. I suppose it's a weird enough truth that would have a good few folks go

upon hearing it. A wise move on Sam's part, perhaps.

Chapter 6

Robinswood

Avoiding copyright with one extra S, I see. (/jk of course.)

Quite a visually appealing town we have here in Robinswood. Woodland towns usually bring out the best in fairytale-esque setting like this one.

So this is a setting in the canon world, though the Continents feel like faraway places. And judging by Rex's words, that was all a long time ago where the heroes of each continent saved the world.

Durandolon Bank

It's actually Duraludon. I did notice there were some species in this part that were a bit misspelled - something that might be worth cleaning up on another editing pass, perhaps.

Seems we're taking a leaf out of Rescue Team's book with all of these natural disasters abound.

Another crash rang out, and Sam could almost feel the ground quake from the impact. "-kinda pissed off." The Sableye finished, wiping their forehead with one hand. "He's trying to break the cell door down." Rex rolled his eyes, already clicking his fists together. "Of course he is. I suppose I'm going to have to try and talk some sense into him again."

This part should be separated into three separate lines, like so:

Another crash rang out, and Sam could almost feel the ground quake from the impact.

"-kinda pissed off." The Sableye finished, wiping their forehead with one hand. "He's trying to break the cell door down."

Rex rolled his eyes, already clicking his fists together. "Of course he is. I suppose I'm going to have to try and talk some sense into him again."

Oh, Jack is RT!Caterpie all grown up! Awww, nice to see the little buga from all the way back then evolved.

I wonder, then - if this is Caterpie from Rescue Team, then where are the RT heroes today? I have an inkling where one of them ended up, and a hunch that we may well have seen both of them...

Chapter 7

So the islands in the Sea of Wonder are carved out by mainlanders? I suppose when these islands are brand new chunks of land rising from the sea with seemingly no native inhabitants, there isn't really a society to 'take over', so any new society really is built from the ground up.

Such a new society, in fact, that they haven't had room to sort out universality of different sized 'mons in this town. Hopefully that's something they get around to in future.

"Can you do a fireball!?" Kyle asked excitedly, bobbing up and down in eagerness.

I'm surprised that a Snom would be asking for this given his incredibly disadvantageous typing.

Aaaaand now time for Sam to get carried away by these new arrivals and have Jack wondering, "Where did he go?"

"Grr! This is the kind of cocky shit that will get you killed!"

This is one grumpy Buneary right here. Betting her Frustration attacks do sky-high damage.

Oh wait, you haven't got one, because you spend all day just being some cursed freak!"

'Cursed freak'? Calling it now, this Buneary's a human. And if this is the treatment they give humans...then maybe it was a good thing Sam chose to keep mum about that side of him.

And now a bunny brawl is about to ensue...or it would if this Froakie didn't appear and break things up. Lemme guess, he's gonna be Sam's partner for the foreseeable future.

Aidan certainly seems to have it all together - I'm presuming he's something of a junior leader to this lot.

And now Sam has a place to sleep! Settling in nicely.

Chapter 8

"Well, I used to live on the Sand Continent… my family's kinda rich. I still kinda forget not everyone has got a room that's six times the size of this all to themselves."

I'm surprised to hear that Aidan, a Water-type, is from a continent not exactly plentiful in that sort of thing. And it also seems he's a little rich kid...I wonder if that might imply anything about certain parts of his character? For instance, naivety around how certain things in the world work, as well as maybe his parents being snooty pricks of people? I guess we'll see if this thread unfolds into anything.

So my family made a living by getting all sorts of reservoirs and channels filled up with water. Us water types are pretty good at that, and we need the water more than most so… yeah, they made a lot of Poke from that."

Ah, so that explains that. And that's probably helped a bunch of towns get water that wouldn't have had good access to it otherwise.

By the way Jack is mentioning the bandits here, I'm gonna make an assumption that we're not gonna see the last of them. And there's definitely more to that Swampert than meets the eye, I'm certain of it.

Years ago near enough anyone could form a Team, but now prospective teams have to actually go through tests for a Guild, or selected by a Society. It's mainly making sure everyone is the best of the best."

Ah yes, the usual increase in standards for something the less scarce it becomes. Although I get the feeling that the Guild will need all the hands it can get if these natural disasters keep up.

Aidan sure is speaking rather nonchalantly about the natural disasters and not giving a hoot about how his new partner's taking it. No wonder Sam's shaking like a leaf - imagine how one like him would feel if they were told the world they landed in had a disaster every five minutes. (Well, not quite that short, but you get what I mean.)

And on his first day, Sam has indeed found his partner. Ah, if that's not a common trope, alright. An oldie but a goodie.

Sam shook his head, "Oh- nope, not that… Aidan… this is kinda embarrassing but… can you… err… teach me something?"

And now we have quite an embarrassing ask on Sam's part, to do something that most toddlers have probably been able to do until that point.

Chapter 9

Over to Rex now, who's getting on in years. Almost certainly proof that he was more active as a Guild member in his younger days. I'm presuming that's the premise of Mercenaries of Dawn, where we see Rex in his own adventure as a younger 'mon.

Oh, so Esper was PSMD!Espurr? Lotta callbacks to the main games, huh.

"I'm eighteen." She replied, rolling her eyes. "Besides, I found pulling that trick off kind of neat." She gazed down at the Blaziken rubbing his wrist. On cue, Rex ceased. "I'm fine, I only had to punch Greg once to get him to calm down. He's tenacious that Swampert, I'll give him that." He leaned onto the desk, "I'm guessing you have kept an eye on our new guest?"

Once again, another instance where this should be two parts instead, beginning with where Rex begins speaking. The exchange in dialogue would make it clearer who's saying that second part as well.

"They're businessfolk, there is always something quiet going on behind the scenes."

Implying that there...is something going on behind the scenes? Businessfolk sure do have a knack for shortchanging their customers, and I wouldn't be surprised if Aidan's parents got to where they got to today through a fair deal of swindling.

"You know, when I took up the Guildmaster post for Robinswood, I thought it would be a nice, quiet job before retiring and looking after the kid."

Rex has a kid? As in, a child? Nice to see that passage of time.

Seems like something Not Very Good™ is going to be enforced upon the people of Robinswood which will almost certainly see society on the islands shifted about in a considerably worse way.

Meanwhile, over to Sam, who definitely hasn't mastered the art of Ember yet. We could be here a while, folks.

A headache for Aidan? Hmmm, something tells me that's not normal.

The discussion about Alice makes me wonder if she's a misunderstood, and maybe Sam will be the one that will make her turn away from the path of the grump. Either way, definitely more to her than meets the eye.

Emotions bring out the fire within - or something like that, anyway.

Looks like there's an announcement to be made - which will no doubt be that worrisome thing that Rex was poring over earlier.

Chapter 10

The biggest downside for isekaied humans in PMD worlds - being smol.

Aidan clearly needs to improve his leapfrogging skills when he's not much a climber. Think outside the box and all that.

Aaaand now that Alice is here, time for everyone's mood to go south and for arguing to break out. Good thing Sam's the peacekeeping type.

Seems like there's bad blood between Aidan and his family - I guess that would explain why he'd want to stake things out on his own and not go after the $$$ like his parents.

Sam having peacemaker vibes does further my theory that maybe he will be the one to calm Alice down and make her more amicable. Maybe she'll be a possible future team member.

Good thing Rex doesn't idle when there's pressing matters to attend to.

Oh no, whole towns being destroyed sure ain't a good thing, alright.

And to think this might well be an amped version of what was going on sixteen years ago? Doubly Not Good.

“All Exploration Teams will be reformed as Rescue Teams, with their primary focus returned back to Rescue operations. Exploration will take a much more reduced role."

Explorers stocks in shambles.

But hmmm, what's this sudden second-person POV? Probably that mysterious voice from a few chapters ago. That said, I do feel like if you are to change POVs like this, then it should be made clearer through a line break or something like that.

Strange that they're this invisible, ethereal entity. My money's on the one who brought Sam to this world.

But it appears we'll have to wait a bit longer to figure out just who they are.

Chapter 11

I see Robinswood has its own version of a Guild alarm clock in this Noibat here. I wonder if there's always a

feeling from the other Guildies if a sound-based Pokémon like Loudred or Noibat ends up as a new recruit, as if they're thinking, "Oh no, my mornings are going to be ruined from now on."

Oh shit!

In that instant, Sam's muscles relaxed, and the Scorbunny sprung upright, his head spinning around to find the sunlight shining. "Damn it, what time is it!?"

"W-What do you-"

The Froakie's eyes snapped open, the frog rolling off his bed and landing with the grace of a brick. "The trials! Shit! I forgot that was happening!” He cursed, reaching into a half open drawer for a small mechanic device, “Shit! We need to get over to the tree in about ten minutes!”

Sam threw himself off his own bed, helping prone Aidan upright. "We better get moving!"

"E…err, can I pack a bag?" Aidan moaned, shaking his head sharply.

"Who gives a shit!" Sam barked,

One too many uses of 'shit' here in this sequence. Might be better to mix it up with other words of similar impact like 'damn'.

"I… I'm…. definitely… not… used to… running… with these legs…"

I guess… that run from the barracks is a lot longer… than my… err… escape.

I suppose when you're small like Sam is, there is more distance to travel as a result. The woes of being smol continue.

The Noibat's named Nia, eh? Time to make her headcanon voice a Welsh accent, especially considering we've already got a Rex in here.

So Alice is quite strong, then? I wonder if that has any relation to her being 'cursed'.

"She'll probably leave you for dead before you know it!"

Geez guys, with all of these things you're saying about Alice, you're making her sound almost sympathetic. I'm even more certain there's a softer side to her, or another side that we're not hearing about thanks to these guys' prejudice about her.

I presume that since these are islands we're on, that there'll be a sea port and Sam will travel on a ship at some point afterward.

I'm not sure whether Broken Woods dividing itself into three smaller Mystery Dungeons is a good thing or not. Since yes, that does mean Sam and Aidan will have an easier time, but on the other, the Mystery Dungeons breaking down implies a sense of instability, which could be worrying in the future when it could well get worse. Just what'll happen to the ferals within, and the land taken over by the Mystery Dungeons?

And now Sam's here to ask another question that a younger 'mon would be able to answer in a heartbeat.

Conclusion

But I guess we'll have to wait until next time to figure out how that question's gonna be answered.

I enjoyed getting back into this fic after so long away from it. It feels quite close in feel to the canon PMD games, and seeing as how it's an extension of the canon PMD world with the newly formed islands in the world, that would make sense that it steers closer to canon than the original setting. Especially since there are outright confirmed characters from the days of Rescue Team, like Jack, as well as Rex who's heavily implied to be the Rescue Team hero (at least that's my presumption). This new setting of Robinswood builds on something new with its setting, yet familiar all the same.

One point of praise I have is that the chapters are nice and short. Very digestible, and that does make for easy reading and getting through chapters, knowing that they're not too long and thus it won't take too much of an effort to read them.

I am curious where some character arcs are going to head. The most intriguing one to me is Alice, with how she's written off as a curse by just about everyone and acts out against them in an aggressive, distrusting manner. Yet I'm hedging my bets that Sam might be able to make her cold side thaw a bit and make her more approachable, after which there could be some big apology for her from everyone in the Guild who mistreated her. Or maybe not - maybe she won't learn her lesson, she'll end up striking out on her own and become allied with the Big Bad of this fic, whoever they might be. Then there's also Aidan, who I'm willing to bet will have some confrontational arc with his snooty parents who will visit the islands at some point to try and persuade him to come home. And finally, I'm willing to bet that Rex is the human from Rescue Team, and will have some kind of "I know what it's like" moment to Sam, where he fully explains his story, what he's been through, and what being a human typically means for this world. Seeing as how this is quite Rescue Team-related, I'm not expecting any of the other heroes to come into the picture - but I guess that remains to be seen if the other Continents will come into the picture.

One slight criticism I have is around character names. It might seem like an odd nitpick, but I do feel that some of their names are a bit...on the vanilla side of things. I have to confess that when I hear quite common English-sounding names such as 'Jack', 'Kyle', 'Greg' among most characters in a setting like this, it does take me out of things a little bit. It can feel a little odd in a fantasy setting, one separate from our world, for the characters to only have names that are quite common in our own world. Ultimately, it's not a huge deal, but I do think peering at Behind the Name for names a little more unique might be worth it. I use this site a lot for naming characters and I can't put into words how much of a godsend it's been for me as a writer. Even among the 'English' section, there's plenty of obscure and interesting names to consider. Or you could take a leaf out of Hands of Creation's book, where for every common-sounding name (Owen, Alex, Rhys), there's usually a name that's rather unique (Amia, Gahi, Anam). Given that you're many chapters into this, perhaps it's a little too late to implement it, but it was a thought I had nonetheless, and one I wished to voice.

There's some other small criticisms on the prose side of things, namely with the occasional instance of two characters speaking in the same chunk of text when grammar says to parse them apart, along with some species not being spelled properly. These are some things that an editing pass or two can solve, and they're only small issues at the end of the day.

Anyway, that's all for this review. Hopefully throughout this year I might be able to get deeper into this fic through a V-Wheel or Review Tag over at United. I enjoyed it and hope to see more. Good work, and I wish you luck with your writing going forward.

 

[StolenMadWolf]

POKÉMON MYSTERY DUNGEON
GUARDIANS OF BALANCE

EPISODE II – DARK, WONDEROUS PAST
CHAPTER XXIII – FACE TO FACE WITH A PATRON​

As Sam and Alice had started to prepare for their run on the temple, on one of the separate islands, one could just make out a distant flicker of light. For most, it would look like a distant star in the night sky. But from one specific angle, it would be blinking on and off like a makeshift lightbulb.

Atop the mountain, the light beacon was alight with flame, a few pieces of wood sheltered from both sight and the wind by a new rocky windbreak. It did have one opening however – one that was being covered on and off by a confused looking Odessa's wing. "What exactly am I saying with this… code?" she questioned, as she repeated a simple pattern of raising her wing for a second, then three seconds, then a single second again before repeating.

Standing next to her, Kaliani watched her movements. "It's SOS. Every shipmon knows it, and the Explorers guilds do as well!"

"More like everyone knows it." grumbled Denver, dragging an extra log over to the light beacon. "You sure the guild will see it from here?"

That was something that worried Kaliani. Without a focusing element, they couldn't project the beam over as vast distance. But if someone was closer, hopefully the regular signal would be enough to garner someone's attention. It had been a couple of hours since night had fallen… there was still time to-

"Wait a second…" Denver said, jabbing his rear stinger towards something in the distance. "What's that?!"

He was pointing in the direction of where they sailed from!

Kaliani spun to look, and the Chieftain lowered her wing fully to get a better look. But as Kaliani looked down the mountain side towards the water, no ship appeared. Her heart sank, "But… where-"

"Not down there!" Denver snapped, "Up there!"

This time, she looked up to find a black shape flying in their direction, it was gigantic, it's wings beating steadily as it approached. Underneath, a basket hung in it's talons, containing another bipedal shape in it's shadow.

As they approached, their forms became apparent. The flying creature was something the sailor recognised as a Corviknight, and their passenger-

"Holy shit, Rex!?" Denver shouted, his face turning red as the trio scurried over to the basket, where the Blaziken had stepped onto the gravel underfoot.

Rex raised a brow towards Denver, "Sorry I'm late." He explained, "We've been scouting around the islands to try and find the Penguin and Crow."

"Blown out of the fucking water by the pirates." Denver explained.

Rex's features darkened, eyes narrowing. "Where is everyone?" he questioned.

Odessa patiently stood to one side as Denver and Kaliani hastily summarised what had been happening, who was suspected to be where, the threat of the pirates, and finally, the current plans. Rex absorbed all that information, his brow furrowed at their words. There was a brief flicker of shock - or was it worry? – when they mentioned the pirates gunning for fire types, but the guild master managed to keep his face composed right up until they finished.

The Blaziken scratched his chin for only a second, "Then we need to move quickly." He stated, before turning towards the chieftain. "Apologies, I just needed to find out the fate of my people. Guildmaster Rex." He introduced himself, extending a hand in greeting.

"Chieftain Odessa." She replied, shaking the hand. "Your rescuers say you would be of great help to us."

"Indeed we can." Rex confirmed, "The Red Kite was preparing to depart just as I set off with Clovis." He motioned towards the Corviknight, who merely bowed his head towards the Decudieye.

"I can pass on word back to the Guild for you." The knightly bird explained.

"Just you?" Kaliani asked, "Guildmaster, does that mean…"

"I'm staying." Rex declared, rubbing his wrist as a brief flicker of flame erupted from it. "I can help co-ordinate with the Kite but first of all, I need to know exactly where Team Audacity have gone."

---

Sam and Alice were surrounded completely in darkness, sans for the glowing mural under their feet. The faint hum sounded through the air around as the lift continued to descend deeper into the temple. Sam partly wanted to approach the edge of the platform, but frankly he had no idea how far off the ground they were. Heights and all.

"How far do you think this goes?" Alice asked, trying to peer into the blackness.

Sam bit his lip, "No idea… huh… must be close."

A faint white-blue light formed around the edges of the platform, revealing four rocky pillars slowly appearing out of the darkness across on each corner. The hum started to quieten down as the lift started slowing down, sliding into a circular slot on the floor before finally fading away as the ground juddered beneath them. Sam's legs quivered as he steadied himself. The lift, still lit with the same mural, was nestled into a smaller pyramid structure itself, with only a few steps leading down to a lower floor. Down each set of steps, there was a path that ran towards what appeared to be tunnels on three sides and what the Scorbunny had to guess was another mural. Perhaps a door?

Along the walls and pillars, small, cylindrical lights flared into life. Not to different from torches judging by the flickering light contained within yet more… artificial somehow.

Sam rubbed the back of his head as he stepped forward, "Err… anybody home?!" he called out, his voice echoing throughout the chamber.

No response came.

Alice moved to join him, looking slightly miffed at him, "Do you want everyone to know we're here?" she moaned,

"Hey, just figured I'd give it a try." Sam replied. In truth, he kinda just wanted to do it. Get a sense of scale of the place. He just hoped there wasn't anything else inside the temple with them. No pirates seemed to have followed them in at least, which was convenient.

"Where do we start then?" Alice asked, cracking her knuckles. "This place is massive. Squishy didn't suggest anything?"

"No… but I do have a good guess on where to start." Sam stated, moving to walk down the steps leading towards the large mural on the wall. He tried his best to ignore his footsteps echoing across the stone floor as he approached the mural, with Alice right behind him. It seemed to be made of a trio of rings surrounding a single circular symbol. The very familiar tear and star symbol that Sam figured was the Guardian's own. He fiddled with his lips as he looked over markings surrounding the symbol, it didn't look remotely like the others he had seen upto this point.

"That looks familiar." Alice mused, moving ahead of him. In front of the mural was a small carved obelisk sticking out of the ground, marked with a smaller version of the Guardian emblem. Almost like on the elevator platf-

Sam hissed as a pulse of pain flared across his paw. Wincing, he lifted it up to find blood flowing slowly out his stinging hand, his digits already stained with the stuff. "Damn it!" the Buneary growled, hopping back over to his side and pulling out an Oran Berry. "Why the hell did you do that?"

The Scorbunny gritted his teeth as Alice tore a small chunk off the berry and rubbed it over the wound. "Well, it worked for Kain and Kaliani right?" he replied, wafting his hand to one side. "Maybe it's extra security."

Glowering back, the Buneary flicked her head towards the door. "These Guardian's better not have any more blood 'locks' through here. I'm not patching up your hand everytime you decide to cut it open."

Still feeling a faint stinging sensation across the healing paw, Sam strolled towards the obelisk. "Trust me, I'd rather not do that again." He said, feeling a little sick to his stomach as he walked towards it. Where was he… oh yes, the obelisk. It looked similar to the small rock feature that cleared the weather atop Waterfall Mountain. Perhaps it could open a passageway, like the symbol did on the elevator.

Well, let's hope that this symbol doesn't need blood too.

Gingerly, and using his unwounded hand, Sam pressed the symbol on the obelisk. Another chime rang out through the air, and with a low rumble, the rings on the wall started to rotate. Ah… so it was a door…

"I don't get it." Alice questioned, pumping her ears as a faint clunking began to work it's way through the door. "These… locks don't make any sense. I can't use them, yet you can. Then there's the whole blood thing."

It hadn't really crossed the Scorbunny's mind. "Maybe this Master ended up… I don't know, coding me into it."

"But how would he even know what to look for?" Alice replied, a final clunk reaching Sam's ears from the door. "Or even do the same for the Oracle?"

"I've got a feeling we're going to find out." Sam replied, willing a fire to kick start inside him as the door slowly began to grind itself apart open. He instinctively brought a foot back, waiting to see if anything would anything or anyone would come charging out from the otherside. But no shape emerged, leaving only a dark corridor to appear.

Together, the two rabbits crept forward towards the opening passage before them. The interior was initially dark, but as they reached the threshold and the doors ceased moving, another set of sealed torches flared into life. Unlike the others, these lights were warmer, offering a yellow glow to their surroundings.

Sam's skin tingled as he gawked at the sight inside. "Whoa…"

The corridor had a lower ceiling compared to the chamber before, albeit still towering over their heads. Pillars ran just in front of the walls themselves, but in between each one, there was a large statue that stood at least eight times their height. Each one had a distinct shape and form, albeit the one thing they had in common was they were all creatures. Like Pokemon, but far more… regal in their appearances. A complete contrast from those of the Pokemon he had seen before.

"Okay…" Sam said as he took a few tentative steps forward. "I wasn't expecting this…"

Alice frowned for a moment, only for her eyes to widen with… a flicker of wonder? "I know these!" she said, staggered.

"Huh?"

She hopped over to one of the first statues, a hulking reptilian creature, one that upon closer inspection had a few glistening red lines running through part of it. "This is Groudon, a super-ancient legendary."

A legendary? What, like Tapu Koko?

Before he could even ask again, Alice had already turned to the other side of the corridor, looking at the statue opposite, complete with blue lines and looking like some kind of fish or whale maybe? "Which makes this Kygore! The land and the ocean!"

Startled by Alice's sudden change in demeanour, Sam felt a little spring in his step as he stepped further inside. "Who are you and what did you do to my partner?" he teased.

Failing to contain her smirk, Alice rolled her eyes as she moved to join him. "Mum and Dad talked about a few of the legendaries when I was a kid… I haven't really been thinking about it until now…"

They moved towards the next set of statues, this time what appeared to be a spiky bird and a cat with massive of some kind, this time marked with yellow lines. "Zapdos… and Raikou." She said, moving onto the next pair. "Articuno and Suicune. Then Moltres and Entei." Alice let out a faint gasp, "It's… every legendary."

Sam's gut vibrated as he walked further down, looking at a pair of bipedal dragons in a solid black and white colour respectively. "Must have considered them pretty important." He replied, "I remember reading up on these two by accident. Zekrom and… Reshiram?" he asked himself. He turned, but Alice was already skipping on ahead, almost unnaturally mesmerised by the scene. The fire-type chuckled to himself, even with the danger of pirates no doubt pounding on the ceiling door, he felt himself warm up with delight at his partner's sudden cheery nature.

His smile quickly vanished from his face as he reached the next statue though, one that Alice mustn't have noticed. Another reptilian, with a mix of red, yellow and blue lines running along it's surface, a giant ring extending from it's back.

"Volcanion…" Sam coldly uttered, stepping closer to look over the doppelganger of the mythical that chased them out of Broken Wood. The same thing that nearly pressure cooked them alive.

"I, Volcanion, shall not abide by this trespass any longer! You cannot be allowed to leave with the knowledge of this place!"

Sam went cold, Hang on a second… if the Legendaries and Mythicals are represented here… and there was… his mind drifted back to the mural hidden in the depths of Broken Wood… not too dissimilar to the ones they had later come across. That down there… could… could the Guardians…

"Alice?" he called out, "I think I've got something on Volcanion."

No response. Sam's pulse quickened as he scanned back down the corridor, "Alice?"

The Buneary was staring at another statue, quite close to the end of the corridor where Sam could spot a larger chamber. Frowning, he made his way towards her, passing a few more statues along the way. His worry only gnawed at him more when he reached her side, her fists tight and her eyes cold as she stared at the statue. It was that of a bird, albeit one that lacked the same degree of flight feathers and was coloured almost completely red. In fact, from where it was positioned, it looked almost like a flying Y.

Y… Where would that-

Sam's heart missed a beat as he connected the dots. If there was one Legendary that Alice would know… especially to react this way… "Alice… is that who I think it is?"

Alice's fists tightened, "Yveltal." She quietly growled, her voice quivering. He couldn't tell if it was grief or rage.

Maybe a bit of both.

Sam looked up at the rather menacing form of Yveltal. He hadn't quite come across much regarding that Pokemon in what little he had read… but he knew enough from Alice. The same Pokemon that was under the influence of Dark Matter.

One of those that had a hand in killing her parents…

Gently, Sam rested his uninjured paw on Alice's shoulder. She didn't react, her eyes still fixed on Yveltal's statue. "Come on." He quietly urged her, "We need to keep looking."

Alice didn't say anything, but as he carefully pulled her along, she followed, tearing her eyes away from the statue as they stepped into the larger chamber beyond. It was a large, circular chamber, with a set of stairs leading up to a higher level. More statues surrounded the edge, slightly larger than before. Sam could recognise one of them straight away, a serpentine form with green outlines running along its surface. "Rayquaza. The legendary that blew up that meteor years ago." He noted. "Though… I don't really know what the big guy does otherwise. Any ideas Alice?"

"A guardian of the sky, a bit like Groudon and Kygore. I recognise a few of the others too." Alice admitted. "But I definitely don't know about this one."

Turning, he found her looking over one final statue, one positioned right at the centre of the room near the base of the stairs, even larger and more detailed than the others. Honestly, he was surprised he missed it the first time, probably being that focused on how Alice was faring. "Seems a little bit… different from the others." She added.

This new statue looked a bit like a snake, coloured a brilliant if rough green alongside a dark black. A few hexagons were visible across it's surface, four of which seem to double as eyes. From behind it's head, five dark frills rose above it. Alice is right… this one is… strange…

"Yeah… why place it here? Sure you definitely don't recognise them?"

Alice shook her head, "All the ones on Air and the well-known ones at least." She admitted, "But definitely not a big snake." She waved a hand towards the foot of the statue. "I can't read that either."

"Read?"

Sam leaned forward to inspect the base of the statue, where there was a plague written on in some kind strange text. It didn't look much like the Unown characters, or the other kinds of characters he had seen before in every day notices back at the Guild. This was more… artistic, with several lines forming distinct symbols. Four of them to be precise.

Huh… okay, what kind of langu-

The symbols blurred, distorted and started to change shape. Sam blinked and rubbed his eyes, was his vision blurring? No, it's was the characters, forming into the more familiar Unown script.

"Can you read this?" Alice asked, leaning forward to look him over.

"I… I think so." Sam replied, rubbing his eyes again as he had a closer look. A new word had formed, something he could read. "Zy… Zygarde."

"Zygarde?" Alice replied, looking over the statue.

Sam rolled the word in his mind, Zygarde… who are they? The Guardians must have found them important enough to-"

"Have a big statue of them?" finished a squeaky voice.

Out of nowhere behind them, a familiar green blob had appeared out of nowhere. Sam spun, blinking at the sight. "The hell – Squishy? What are yo-"

Alice's head swivelled, "Wha-?"

"-doing here?" Squishy finished for him, their body jiggling with delight as they hopped over towards them. "Well, technically I'm not here. I'm just a projection. Seems like this chamber has the means to do that from outside your head!"

"Sam…" Alice quietly questioned, "What's going on?"

The Scorbunny hissed softly, one of his ears dipping. "Ugh… okay, Alice. Squishy has somehow… got out of my dreams and… is standing right there."

Alice scowled at him, "I can see that!"

"I don't know-" Sam's mouth hung open, looking towards his partner, "Wait. You can see him too!?"

"For once, yeah!" Alice replied.

Squishy looked somewhat embarrassed at this, "Yeah, the technology in the Arcanum can allow for mental projections to be seen by multiple people at once. Pretty cool."

Sam scanned the room as the strange creature hopped past, approaching the statue of Zygarde. I wonder where these… projectors are being kept. I don't see anything that could do that.

"So… you two have finally got in." Squishy announced, settling themselves in front of the statue. "I'm sure you both are going to be wondering about question one… who am I exactly? How can I get in here?"

"Given you've been mucking around with my partner's head." Alice grumbled, "I think we could do with that."

Tapping his foot, Sam crossed his arms, "Squishy… you did say we'd find out who you were. So… who are you exactly?"

He was frankly done with tip-toeing around things, it was about time they started gaining answers.

Despite lacking a mouth, Sam could tell that the creature was trying to grin. "Well, you're looking right at me!"

"The fuck is he on about…" Alice quietly groaned.

Yeah… not exactly helpful.

He rubbed his eyes, scanning over Squishy's form. The green blob, the white eyes, the red hexagon… how did that even help?

Wait… hexagon.

The same one stuck inside of Squishy.

Gingerly, Sam tilted his head up towards the statue of the snake Legendary, it's hexagonal shaped eyes staring blankly forwards.

"You've figured it out." Squishy said, their voice deepening.

"Sam?" Alice asked worryingly. "Figured what out?"

No… we can't have just met another…

"Go on Sam." Squishy encouraged, "You can say it."

The Scorbunny turned his eyes down towards the green Pokemon standing underneath the snake. And when Sam finally spoke, his voice was quiet and shaky from the gravity of the name.

"…Zygarde."

Spoiler: Writer's Notes

Well, time to throw in a longer chapter than originally planned, with a pretty big and important reveal at the end... the first of a few big ones coming up within this episode that are really going to change Sam and Alice's perspectives on the wider world. So, I hope this one can get you excited for what's to come! Some of these chapters might be longer than my 2k word target for now, but that's because there is alot of ground to cover!

Looking forward to revealing what comes next!

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Older Review port
Prologue, Chapter 1 Wake Up, Chapter 2 Forward and Onwards, and Chapter 3 Shoulda seen that coming.

Hi StolenMadWolf, I’m here for an outdoor kitchen set, or commonly known as V-Wheel.

So we start out the prologue section of the first chapter by seeing a glimpse of your Pokemon world. Right now as an unnamed Continent, one with a kingdom or at least a major castle and Pokemon in some sort of organization with denoting ranks.

For Guardians of Balance we aren’t introduced to what appears to be our first main character, Sam for a bit. We do get to see some Mythical Pokemon, antagonist or protagonist causing havoc, and then pushing back. I'll be patient for a recontextualized meeting of Zarude and Zeraora.

But let's focus on Sam. Thankfully he knows what Pokémon are, and even seems to know what Trainers are. Perhaps he was a former Trainer or is from a world where he knew about them.

The first real chapter opening is standard with the whole "I'm a Pokémon" thing, which bored me for a second. However with the Rattata and Pidgey things definitely ramped up in a unique way. Poor Sam assumed he could just talk to anyone, but for a pmd protag it's usually a coin flip between the first Pokemon you meet. They’ll either be your partner or actively try to harm/belittle you.

The way you worded everything was done well. Your prose felt fine for the most part. Maybe some dialogue hiccups here and there but subjective and minor, none to the point where I had trouble.

From the glimpses we get in the prologue this society seems to border on the realm of a fantasy kingdom. It seems like Mythical and Legendary Pokemon have a higher influence on this world than just appearing as a boss battle or a deity to pray to.

I enjoyed the worldbuilding mentioning that items have a visible signifer to differentiate similar ones, like Blast Seeds and Plain Seeds. I have an inkling that this will be brought some more, and used by/against Sam and his future allies too.

For the first two chapters, nothing exactly happens. Like no named characters do much of anything in the first three chapters. Technically the pacing is actually fine. The amount of set up you have done and building blocks set up in these chapters matches the word count in my personal opinion.

If anything I don’t want to waste your time dragging this review out trying to find ways to offer advice and constructive criticism. I just think that perhaps something more interesting could happen to Sam when he wakes up.

Something that forces him to get used to or question his new body, whether it be a conflict with nature, (like a landslide or other dangerous weather) or maybe even just a conflict with society (he briefly encounters a Pokemon, wild or from a settlement and has to talk with).

Only till the very end do we get some dulled suspense and action. The Rattata and Pidgey have a beaten body behind them and attack the Scorbunny. Sam is definitely way over his head. With the way this area was written I didn't exactly realize it on the first read around- but I can't place the blame all on you. And there's a Swampert who the Scorbunny foolish tries to size up. Sam is on the path of " justice" to those who could kill him and has to book it.

I will say these do work well as introduction chapters to the more fleshed out world and story, this is a bit of a shame I don’t have time to cover where I believe the plot starts to pick up.

I hope to read and review more again soon!

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Old Review Port

Hiya Stolen Madwolf I’m here for Guardians of Balance Chapter 4 Stuff ain't what its made up to be.

Here again for Review tag

Boy oh boy does this chapter really pick off from last time.

Sam has quite the interesting start for a pmd protag, but it is a well welcomed one, being attacked by dangerous outlaws right off the back.

I will say the chase scene here though while it has good intentions I think some of the word choices for the Scorbunny’s movements, and thoughts may have hampered the chapter. The wording often made everything a bit passive and slower. “Would have done xyz” or “Tried to abc” are the frequent offenders.Despite this the dialogue is good. We can get the tension back up from back and forths, and little comments pretty well.

The Swampert, Rattata, and Pidgey are not quite coordinated, but it doesn’t matter as they have more natural skill and strength. Tensions ran fast and high as Sam got caught.

While quick the descriptions of the knockout attack and the sensations after I feel like there's something missing.

They even offer Sam a position into their ranks instead of immediately killing him. This allows the audience to get another good look at his morals and personality.

The real fun part was when the Blaziken, Scyther, and Gallade trio rescued Sam. The flow of the sentences worked really well for the action.


After it seems like its over the Scorbunny gets to fire off a real attack and we see the real will of his determination. Really liked that, it's simple but great.


If there's any other mild issues I had was the epithet usage, “water-type” and “the bird” creeping up a little too much, yes these enemies don't have given names to use but I'd recommend just using their Pokémon species.


Of course this chapter is probably a few years old at this point so everything I mention is just to keep in mind, (or you already know, if which sorry)


The fic being in 3rd person limited is good but too much is telling us everything Sam felt, maybe a little space here and there to see it in between would be nice.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Howdy there StolenMadWolf, I'm back for more Guardians of Balance with V-Wheel.

This time I'm covering Chapter 5, Bedside Manners, Chapter 6 Robinswood, Chapter 7 Happy Frog, Angry Rabbit, and Chapter 8 Opportunities.


As I’m doing this review of the four chapters together, it’ll most likely be in general strokes and out of order.

Spoiler: Actual Review

If anything, these set up a slightly more typical opening, as Sam learns about healing, tries to figure out his starting place in Robinswood, gets a glimpse at some Pokemon he’ll be interacting with at the Guild, and then manages to get a partner. And all it took was some abuse, walking, and more abuse.

Right off the back I have something to mention, it’s not a good look for the first named female characters Sam meets are stereotypically bitchy and rude. While Rebecca and Alice have different reasons, one of which is just straight up told, while the other could be implied. This seems to be a semi-infrequent problem with writers, either rude as hell or just mother/love interest female characters. I suppose they may border on Tsundere but not everyone means to do that.

To give you credit, the first male characters were also assholes to Sam, however they were/are the baddies pure evil. I guess when doing dark, we either have mean circumstances plot wise, with or without the characters, and it’s easier to do it with hate-sinks, and jerks than near-impassable mountains and what not. Though you can have a dark world without half of the characters introduced early on being mean. Drama is more exciting, and these chapters are a few years old, so you’ve definitely got more characters to show, who won’t be grating on first blush.

Sorry if that came off really harsh, but it’s just something a little hard to ignore when the ladies, when they basically get two chapters of their own, compared to chiller dude chapters.

Anyway let's talk about something way more positive, the readability, reading Guardians of Balance is very easy. Short bite sized paragraphs, decent “paintings” of certain locales, and the talks rarely, if ever drag. The chapters being broken up into small, clearly sectioned off pieces, can also encourage more reading. Even if others may use that against you, with the bare minimum. Though it wouldn’t hurt to place some of the smaller parts with a bigger chapter.

Though the chapters do feel a bit empty at times, like the talking heads phenomenon, characters' conversations are all that matters. I think only really getting Sam’d thought’s, and just reactions/ not active actions from everyone else hurts a tad. Body language is usually kept to nods, and lacks a bit of that xenofiction- my characters aren’t human oufthm, bunnie’s nose twitching, foot stomping, moving bubbles, or preening feathers. It doesn’t have to be in every line of course but it could help spice things up. It’s funny because you show off the more Pokemon side of characters, but only when they are upset or fighting, at least in these four chapters. It’d be nice to see them elsewhere, though avoiding too much filler seems to be your style.

Like I mentioned earlier, when you stop to describe the background, or a new location we can usually get a good feel for how it looks, and would be in real life. Clear prose, while not being too literal is nice. But some more imagery, and spreading this out a little more would be nice.

I know others have said it, but the Sea of Wonders being the the area Robinswood is located is pretty cool, not many fics tackle canon in this way. Being heavily post-canon but maintaining its own solid identity is solid. The whole deal with explaining the TalonKnight’s was nice- we love ourselves some later gen birdmon was fun. Pelipper needs to sit in the corner with mainline pmd. We didn’t need a long explanation and we didn’t get one, short, sweet and succinct. In my opinion, we didn’t need one yet, but I can see other readers immediately wishing for any bits of new lore.

As for lore, with how small these chapters are, and the fact that we are still in our pseudo-tutorial area the most we are getting is just on the formation of Robinswood, and some vague bickering about Team stuff, and the hints of a new othering “what makes one a freak here?”. We end off getting some time frames, Red Rescue Team (iirc) took place about fifteen years ago in your world, and would you look at that some lore to the left aside Sand Continent from Super, that’s great.

At least we end this chapter on a solid note, Aiden has recruited Sam so they can have their own Exploration Team. Though I know Alice gets involved, so I’m wondering how that ends up occurring, since she definitely wouldn’t want to join them if they just asked her. Perhaps we’ll see more of the Guild, and Robinswood in the next few chapters.

See you then!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

]Heya, blowing some dust off this one since Review Event's going on on Diner, and one of my goals was to try and both check out stories that I didn't get as far in as I'd have hoped during TR's Review Blitz this year, and pay things forward to people who've reviewed me sometime in the past year. This story ticked off both boxes, so let's just go ahead and jump back in with…

Chapter XVII

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Sam could only scream as he fell into the Abyss, the light of day rapidly fading away into darkness. His mind ran on autopilot, running the same words like a constant loop through his mind.

Oh hey, there's a gif for this:

I'm gonna die.

Well aren't you just Mr. Positivity right now, Sam? :V

Even with in his panic, his fear… a part of him was bracing for the inevitable impact, for each of his bones to break in an instant.

That was when he saw it. Rushing towards him from above. So faint and so fast that he barely registered it. The Skarmory, Emrys? No, it was too ghostly, completely the wrong shape.

It flooded his vision… a hand reaching out as a scream, not his own, pierced the air…

Aidan: "Yeah, no. Just saying there's like 20 more chapters to this thing, so there's no way that we just bit it there." >_>;

He awoke to find his entire body throbbing. Every bit of his skin, every inch of muscle pulsed with a soft, prickly pain as if he had walked through a field of thorns.

Firstly, he noticed it was more annoying than painful.

Secondly, he realised he was still alive.

inb4 Sam really is in a field of thorns right now

Sam's eyes slowly flickered open, a groan escaping his lips. Reddish-grey rocks dominated his view, clustered around a black pit that seemed to continue on to the depths of the world… no… back to the surface. He was on his back.

How… how am I alive?

Beats me. But hey, if it's good enough for the Gates protagonist, you probably shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth here.

Wincing, Sam slowly pushed himself upright into a sitting position and began to scan himself over. He was bruised, and his back ached like nobodies' business, but he wasn't in pieces at the very least.

The image of that ghost, that hand reaching out… it came right back to his mind. W-what was that? Did it save me? Maybe it-

I'm actually wondering if it'd have made sense to have included a bit more detail for that "ghost and hand" thing that happened earlier, since we don't even know the color or general shape of whatever kept Sam from becoming street pizza.

Then the realisation hit him. If he made it down [ ] – the Scorbunny leapt back out to his feet, teeth gritted as his body throbbed in protest.

"Aidan!" he shouted.

Sam found himself surrounded by more red-grey boulders, some of which looked particularly sharp and jagged as they pointed up towards the sky. It was also then did Sam also felt the heat of this place. It wasn't uncomfortable, but he could physically feel the sweat beginning to build up.

I would suggest hacking this paragraph up a bit. Though it might make sense to be a bit more explicit about whatever it is that Sam had a realization about Aidan there. Like is he worried that Aidan just fell to his death, or...?

Also, just how hot is this place right now if Sam as a Fire-type is just straight-up sweating at the moment?

But regardless of his scanning around, there was no sign of Aidan. [ ]

"Aidan!" he bellowed, blowing out his lungs out of air in the process, hoping against hope that his friend was somewhere nearby. But Aidan didn't respond.

Instead, another voice screamed from the rubble, "H-Hey! I-Is someone down here?!"

Sam felt a weight shift off his shoulders [ ], Bruce?

I kinda wonder if you show a bit more of Sam's thought process off here, both in showing off where his mind's going for what he thinks is happening with Aidan, and more of that "... waaaaait a minute" as he realizes that he's hearing Bruce's voice.

Sam started to run towards the source, only to nearly cry out as another jolt of pain ran through the whole of his body. Tightening his fists, he transitioned into a jog, and made his way through the boulders.

In a clearing at the edge of the field, a bruised Bruce was eying the field with worried red eyes. And alongside him, was the seemingly okay, but very panicky looking Nia, the bat-Pokémon spinning round on the spot in mid-air, desperately searching herself. Bruce's eyes widened as Sam emerged.

"S-Sam!?" the Bulbasaur cried. "Are you alright?!"

Couple small tweaks that I'd recommend here since: A: You just introduced a second "he" in the last paragraph, so it probably makes sense to be more explicit that you're referring to Sam. B: Bruce's line likely works better split off from the preceding paragraph of description.

Nia spun round, her voice shrill but thankfully restrained in volume, "You're hurt!"

Sam waved a hand, brushing it off as he reached for his pouch, looking for the spare oran berry he had picked up before climbing into the dungeon.

"It's better than it looks, what about you two?"

Those two are this bugged over some bruises? From the way that they were reacting, I almost thought that Sam had open cuts on his body before going back and double-checking what was described of his condition.

"We're fine!" Nia snapped; all signs of her former bubbliness now eradicated. "But I can't find Dan or Alice anywhere!"

Ah yes, that's totally a good sign there. /s

"And I have no idea where my team is either." Bruce growled, stomping the ground beneath his feet. "One minute we'll just going through this room, the next the floor opened up beneath us! What the hell happened?!"

"Earthquake," Sam confirmed, gritting his teeth, "Aidan and I managed to get up to the summit, but then the quake hit."

Bruce: "Boy, literally everything's going wrong with this mission, huh?" .-.
Sam: "Gee, why don't you just go ahead and jinx us harder there?" >_>;

Bruce blinked, "So… does that this is another part of the dung-"

"Bruce." Sam interrupted, shaking his head, "I think the dungeon is gone."

Okay, not that that wouldn't explain a thing or two about how catastrophically the ground fell out from under everybody, where is Sam getting this idea right now? Does he even have a frame of reference for Mystery Dungeons abruptly imploding? It might be worth showing off a bit more of his thought process a little earlier about how Sam puts two and two together about what on earth just happened to them.

[ ]

The Bulbasaur shuddered, looking over the cavern they found themselves in with a nervous and resigned eye. "Y-yeah… I think you're right. Those walls didn't really look good…"

It probably makes sense to show off a bit more of these walls and their state since I couldn't get a solid bead on why Bruce was freaking out so much without their status being described.

"Can we stop talking about this place and please focus on FINDING OUR FRIENDS!" Nia screeched.

Sam cried out, clutching onto his ears as the amplified cry clawed at his eardrums. The crackle of rocks cracking against rock walls loud enough to somehow reach his ears anyway.

"For the love of-" Bruce snapped, spinning round on the bat Pokémon with burning red eyes, "Do you want to bring the place down on us!?"

Nia: "Er... ooops. Look, my point still stands right now!" o_o;

Nia rapidly shook her head, a look of shock evident. "S-Sorry, but we can't just sit here and-"

"Alright enough!" Sam barked, stunning the two other Pokémon into silence as they turned towards him. Rearing back, Sam took in a breath, feeling his body aching that bit less. "Right now, we need to work out a way out of here and get help… and hopefully find everyone else on the way."

I kinda feel this underlined part should be expanded a bit. e.x. Nia having a shocked moment and then getting a bit apologetic or something afterwards. Since this feels a bit abrupt at the moment.

Bruce and Nia shared a glance between each other, the anger and concern visibly simmering down before they could finally share a nod. Sam let out a sigh [ ].

"Alright… let's see…"

He rose up onto his toes and began to scan the area around them, searching for any potential exit. The last thing they needed was to find that the only way out was straight up. Only Nia had a decent chance of probably heading up that way, but with the memory of Emrys getting blasted by that superhot steam fresh on his mind… even that wasn't certain.

I would suggest hacking this paragraph into parts arrayed around Sam's line, and expanding the "Sam let out a sigh" part to show off some body language or something. e.x. perhaps mentioning him in the process of getting up or something.

Thankfully, he eyed the mouth of a tunnel built into one side of the craggy chamber they found themselves in. It was dark and ominous, but at this point, it seemed like it was their only path forward.

"There." Sam declared, pointing at the opening, "We'll just have to make sure we keep climbing up."

[ ]

"It's b-better than sticking here for sure…" Nia replied, clearly nervous.

Bruce meanwhile, took a moment to stare at the opening for a couple of seconds, mind deep in thought before he turned back towards Sam.

"Sounds like a plan, lead the way!"

Some more paragraphs that I think should be reformatted to separate out the description from the dialogue portions a bit more. It might also be worth dropping in some description of Bruce and Nia's reaction and/or body language a bit since it kinda vibes like they're meant to pause a bit before speaking up, but it doesn't come through due to a lack of words in between.

It was now Sam's turn to hesitate, glancing between the two Pokémon who were now looking up – and down – to him. Suddenly being thrown in charge wasn't exactly what he wanted, but the realisation quickly wormed its way in. They had no time to debate this, not if they wanted to get to the surface or find the others.

If I could survive the fall… then surely Aidan would have had to have made it!

Rubbing his hands together, Sam nodded sharply. "Alright, follow me!"

Oooookay, now you've got me worried that not everyone's going to make it out of this chapter alive, Sam. Since this is tempting fate right now, and this story does get pretty deep into

territory sometimes as a reminder that thar be monsters around.

The good news was that this place wasn't another Mystery Dungeon. It seemed that the earthquake had completely broken apart the third Broken Wood dungeon.

Well, at least they won't be succumbing to Dungeon Madness like Zeke did anytime soon? So silver linings? ^^;

The bad news was it was a damn maze. The trio moved through rocky tunnels and small chambers at a slow but steady pace, trying to make their way forward. Each of these should have naturally been dark, if not for the soft red glow radiating from cracks in the floor and occasionally the walls. Sometimes the path they would take would offer some progress, allowing them to rise up to the surface. At others, they would walk down one tunnel only to find their path blocked with a pile of rubble. No one wanted to try and clear a path, less they cause another – lethal – cave in in the process.

And It wasn't just the signs of potential magna that were a problem, it was the steam too. Every so often, a puff of stream would erupt from one of the cracks. They weren't being fired off with the same force as Sam had previously seen, but that could change all too quickly and he wasn't keen to find out.

This paragraph appears chunky enough that it's probably worth dividing things up into two smaller ones, especially since it's very doable with a minor tweak to the "And it wasn't [...]" part.

Sam could almost taste the tension and the fear in the air. Nia was still twitching, 'jumping' in mid-air at the slightest noise, be it from the steam or rock chinking on rock. Bruce looked a bit steadier. At first glance anyway. His eyes were constantly flicking towards the cracks surrounding them. Sam could only imagine the grass-type's fear. Out of the three of them, Bruce probably had the most to worry about magma bursting free into the caves.

Small typo there. Though I'm honestly a little surprised that Bruce isn't at risk of heatstroke right now considering how the temperature is high enough that Sam's sweating. So you'd think that'd be utterly miserable and likely not particularly healthy for a Grass-type.

As for the Scorbunny himself, he managed to bottle his fear up the best he could. Nearly getting killed a few times in short succession could do that. But even so, his concern for the others formed into a solid lump in his throat. Where was Aidan? Did he fall into another cavern? What about Alice and Dan? Or Edward and Denver? Or the rest of Bruce's team?

What about Emrys? Were they taken out by a blast of steam or were they still flying out there? And what about Esper's team? Could they have got-

He clenched his fists, trying to focus on the task at hand and failing. Damn it, where are they?

Yeeeeeah, you're really starting to convince me that not everyone's going to make it out alive of this chapter at this rate. Just saying.

They started down another tunnel, climbing higher up towards a four-way junction directly ahead of them. [ ]

"H-How big is this place?" Nia asked worryingly, her eyes drifting back the way they came. "You don't think… that it could be that place that Edward talked about?"

Sam glanced over at her, "The dungeon with those Guardians?"

You probably need some added description about Bruce and especially Nia's body language and reaction in order to better tee things up for Nia speaking.

"Y-yeah! We are under Broken Wood… what's left of it…"

"That's just a story." Bruce grumbled, grinding his teeth. "This place doesn't like a dungeon either."

You sure about that given that you just got to a four-way intersection, Sam? Since just saying, legends have a disconcerting tendency to turn out to be true in Pokémon settings.

"Maybe this is what's left of it." Sam mused.

[ ]

"I kinda doubt tha-"

As they reached the junction, a red shape dashed out of the corridor to their right. The lumpy head swivelling round towards them, eyes bloodshot. A Magby. With Nia and Bruce gasping over his shoulder, Sam dragged his foot back and letting the surge of heat run over. He could only hope the others would get back behind him.

Bruce: "Ooookay, nevermind, maybe we really are in a Mystery Dungeon right now!"

The Magby stumbled back, nearly tripping on a stone and tumbling over. Its entire body quivered, the magna Pokémon panting with puffs of hot air. That was when Sam realised it wasn't angry at all.

It was terrified.

Oh, well that's definitely different there. Though that makes me wonder if that's what was going through Zeke's head when he jumped Sam and Aidan a couple chapters ago.

The Pokémon snarled as Sam reached out with a cautious hand, confirming its Feral nature as it tried to pick itself up. A green vine snapped forward past the Scorbunny, letting out a sharp crack not to dissimilar to a whip. Letting out a squeal, the Magby turned and bolted down one of the other corridors, scurrying away into the dark.

A heavy sigh escaped Bruce as his vine retracted back into his bulb. "Phew, I thought we're going to get fried…"

Sam: "Um... is it normal for ferals to be scared out of their minds in places like these?" .-.
Nia: "Wait, they have minds?"

The concern in Nia's voice only grew ever more prevalent. "B-But why did it run? I know it's only young but it's still dangerous."

Sam's heart was already hardening as stared down the path that the Magby had originally came from.

"Maybe it was running from something else…"

Bruce + Nia:

Sam: "... Yeah, we really need to find the others and get out of here."

He could only hope that it was running from a crumbling cave, and not a larger, more dangerous Pokémon hiding down there.

It's going to be the second, I can already tell.

That was when the scream rushed in from directly ahead of them, Bruce automatically taking a step back as Nia herself cried out in surprise. But Sam's ears swivelled towards the source, and as if on autopilot, they began to catch the details of said scream.

"…hit! You're going to crush my legs!"

I think that you're missing a 'when' in your first paragraph there, since it makes quite a bit more sense after adding one.

"I've got to move the boulder so we can pull you out!"

[ ]

Denver! Edward!

"You're not one trapped!" Denver barked.

It probably makes sense to have Sam spend a bit more time realizing "oh, that's who's saying this" + giving a gentle reminder as to Denver and Edward's species, since... uh, I'll admit that I kinda drew a blank on who they were at first, even if Denver's obviously having a bad time right now.

Another voice spat in response, "Shut it! Struggling ain't helping!"

Alice!

"You shut up, Alice! You're not helping either!" Edward snapped.

Ah yes, I see that Alice being the unfavorite is causing problems again. Since boy is this just what everyone needed while trying to free someone presumably pinned under rocks.

Sam spun towards the others, backing up into the central tunnel, "I can hear the others! They're right up ahead!"

In that instant, Bruce and Nia's eyes brightened, the two breaking out into a run behind the Scorbunny as he led the way ahead. The scurried deeper into the tunnels, only stopping for Sam to work out the direction of the voices before pushing onwards.

They found them within another chamber, one that could have been mistaken as a larger tunnel at first glance. However, the opening at the far end was not the only break in the walls. Faint white beams of light fell through the ceiling, pushing away the red glow from the walls and the floor and replacing it with a more natural set of lighting.

Must be getting closer to the surface.

I mean, good thing that you have a flier who can go up and scout this out, huh? Even if I'm not convinced at all that things are going to be that easy, Sam.

The others were gathered in the middle of the chamber, the Yanma and Ducklett were the closest, the latter wincing as they held onto one wing. "My team!" Bruce cheered in undiluted relief, sprinting towards them. Nia shot off after him, no doubt looking for Dan.

Sam meanwhile slowed as he approached, looking past the rest of Team Forest. A large boulder rested at one side of the tunnel, where standing alongside it was Alice and Edward, eyes fixed onto it.

Denver was sprawled out at the edge of the boulder on the floor, his face wrinkled with pain as his tail slapped on the ground like a drumstick. Peering over the Skourpi's body, Sam could only wince. The bug type's legs was hidden from view, underneath the boulder.

Um... yeah, I'm going to heavily take the under on Denver doing any more missions in the near future. Potentially ever.

Aidan and Dan however, were nowhere to be found. "Shit." Sam uttered, pushing aside his concern and fears for the two missing Pokémon as the need to help Denver became more apparent, sprinting towards the Pokémon gathered by the boulder. "What the hell happened here!?"

"What do you bloody think!?" Denver roared, tail slamming down with even more force.

Edward barely glanced over his shoulder, "Aftershock shook the boulder loose, landed on Denver. We only just managed to get Callum's wing out, but I can't shift the boulder."

He grunted as pressed his head against the rock and tried to push it, his hooves scraping against the stone floor. Denver cried out with a hiss, the boulder refusing to move.

Wait, which one of those other two is Callum, again? Since how on earth is his wing not obviously broken from having a boulder land on it? Unless we're just going "Pokémon durability" right now.

Alice crouched down; eyes fixed on the point where the big rock was resting on Denver's legs. "I only need a little bit of a gap, and I can pull him out."

[ ]

"No no!" Denver barked, shaking his head vigorously, "Don't let this bitch touch me! She probably caused this!"

Probably makes sense to show a bit more of Denver's reaction before he pipes up.

Alice: "Wow, okay, asshole. You know what? Fine. Stay trapped under that rock."

"I'm one of those trying to get you out of this, dipshit!" Alice snarled.

"Can we not get in a fight again!?" Sam snapped, stepping up alongside the Skiddo, "Look, I'll help push." He glanced back over his shoulder towards the others, "Can someone help us with this!?" he shouted.

... Which one is the Skiddo again? Since that wasn't communicated earlier. ^^;

Bruce's head snapped round, the Bulbasaur standing next to his hurt teammates, "S-sure! Give me a second!"

Once Bruce had got on over, the three Pokémon leaned against the boulder at the ready. "On three. Alice, get ready to pull him out." Sam said, pressing his shoulder against the warm stone.

[ ]

"Got it." Alice replied, grabbing hold of Denver's side and tail.

"Alright… One. Two… three!"

I'm honestly surprised that Denver didn't need more coaxing here considering how he just straight-up didn't want Alice to touch him just a couple paragraphs ago and now isn't making much of a fuss.

Grunting, Sam threw his entire weight against the boulder, his entire body straining as his shoulder squished itself against the object. Edward and Bruce's groans rumbled down his ears as first the boulder resisted… and then began to move. Shoulder throbbing, Sam let out a pained cry as he pushed harder.

"Almost… ugh! I've got him!"

Sam jerked himself back, a faint thud being emitted as the stone rolled back into place. Edward was already by Denver's side, the Skorupi crying out as he tried to stand, his legs incredibly still intact, if severely bruised. His body quivered, and suddenly collapsed back into a heap.

"I-I can't walk…" Denver gasped, shivering.

Yeeeeeah, I had a feeling that that was going to be serious. Though on the positive side, nobody's dead at the moment-?

Alice: "Correction, nobody's dead yet."

Denver: "Oi, will you shut up already?! We all know this was your fault somehow!"

"You'll be fine." Alice stated coldly, "An Oran berry will help for now."

[ ]

"He'll still need treatment." Edward pointed out with a glare, helping Denver up to his feet.

Sam moved to help them, lifting up Denver from the other side.

[ ]

"Has anyone seen Aidan?"

"What about Dan!?" Nia cried out, touching down near the Team Forest members.

I think that you need a bit more description in this section since there's quite a bit going on, and the topic of conversation is jumping around wildly. Like even if the idea is that everyone's talking over each other, you ideally want to frame that a bit more by establishing Sam's mood or whatever's going through his mind before he gets talked over.

Edward grunted as he lowered Denver down to the ground near the injured Ducklett. "I saw Aidan about twenty minutes ago." He explained with a wary tone, "We heard Dan's voice coming from down there."

The goat jabbed his head in the direction of the other exit from the chamber, further down. "Aidan went on ahead to try and find him. That was five minutes before the aftershock hit us."

Oh yeah, that's totally positive-sounding... not. Even if I don't think this story would be ballsy enough to just flatly kill off a character that important.

Sam could only slump with relief, feeling that last heavy weight lift off. Aidan was alive. Alive and mobile. But he felt that smaller, but still prominent feeling of dread as he looked down towards that tunnel. Wondering what lay beyond. Was Dan trapped down there? What was Aidan walking into? Nia was already drifting past the border, her eyes fixed on the entrance. He looked back towards Edward.

"Have you heard anything back from [ ]-"

"No. We haven't." Alice said, coming up next to them.

The shake of the Skiddo's head only confirmed that.

Sam: "But I didn't even get to finish-!"

Alice: "Sam, we've been here this entire time. Just how much do you think we've heard back from anyone outside this chamber?" >_>;

More seriously, I think that you should at least make it a bit clearer if Sam's talking about Aidan or Dan there.

His concern only growing further, Sam took one final glance at the tunnel, trying to work out a plan of attack before directing his gaze back up towards the openings in the ceilings. They were dark shafts that ran straight up towards little pinpoints of light near the top.

"I've tried shouting to get someone's attention." Alice explained, all the anger or distantness gone from her voice. "Not exactly had much luck though."

[ ]

"It means we're close to the surface at least… all we need is for someone just to look down here."

It kinda feels like there's something missing in terms of a reaction or thought process on Sam's part there after Alice's line. Whether that's internal thought process or something else.

As he turned round, Alice had narrowed her eyes.

"Good luck with that." She stated, "I caught a glimpse of the outside, the quake was going off outside of the dungeon too. We've got no idea what state Broken Wood is in."

Oh yeah, that's a positive sign. At this rate, Robinswood will have turned out to have burned down.

[ ]

"Way to put a damper on things Alice." Bruce grumbled, strolling past back towards his team and earning a thinly veil glare from the Buneary.

"No point in trying to sugar-coat this bloody mess." She countered, jerking her head to the shafts. "A couple of holes in the ground aren't going to catch much attention."

The Bulbasaur stopped in his tracks and spun around on her, baring a pair of little fangs, "Well, what's your plan then, witch?" he snapped, "Most of us can't climb up that! You want to try it? Wave a little flag whilst you're up there?"

Wow, Bruce, just wow. Also, seriously, you have a flier with you right now who can get up there.

"I'm good at hopping up gradients, not sheer walls."

[ ]

Hell, we can't start fighting now of all times!

Sam stepped in between the two, "Even if me or Alice could climb up the shafts, we don't know how far we'd have to go. One wrong move and…"

Another spot where some expansion to show those two getting heated or Sam's thought process would likely be worthwhile.

He let the words hang in the air, but not before another thought slipped into his mind. "Wait… we've got flyers, can't they fly up?"

Sam: "... Why on earth did none of us think of this earlier?"

Edward: "Look, in our defense, we were busy trying to get Denver out from that boulder." >_>;

"I wouldn't count on Filip to get up there." Edward replied, motioning with his head towards the Yanma.

Sam hadn't paid much attention to him at first, but now he could make note of the dragonfly's face. His eyes seemed glazed over, his pupils fixed on the far wall and his wings were quivering up and down rhythmically. Even if a Yanma could make it up, he wasn't going to do it in that state.

Ah yes, that bug's seen some stuff since the ground collapsed. Though I'll take the under on him still working in the guild by the end of the week.

That left…

"No! I want to stay here!"

Sam: "Oh for crying out loud..."

Nia had finally recovered enough to face them again, shaking her head and holding her little hands together. "I want to look for Dan!"

[ ] Bruce was wondering back towards them, his eyes flicking up towards the shafts.

"Err… That's not really a good idea Alice, maybe we should just hang on, maybe find another way-"

"Nia is the only one who can get up there." Alice said firmly, crossing her arms, "And she'll be able to call for help."

[ ]

Edward sighed, "She has a point…"

A couple spots where IMO you should expand things a bit with some description or inner thought processes. Also, while "attention" is technically not wrong in Alice's line, I kinda wonder if "help" would've been better-used there.

"No!" Denver shouted, eyes widening in blind panic. "She'll do anything to split us up!"

Alice: "I'm sorry, but what the hell is your brilliant plan here? To just sit here forever beneath the very easily missable holes to the outside world?!" >.<

Nia's head meanwhile dipped down, "But Dan… I need to find him… if he's hurt…"

The Buneary's features seemed to soften, turning away as if to hide that softening expression. When she spoke, there was a faint quiver in her voice.

"I'll look for him."

Denver: "Well, he's doomed-"
Alice: "Oh my gods, shut up, Denver!"

The Noibat's head snapped back up, "W-What?"

Shaking her head, Alice turned to her, her voice [ ]. "I'll look for him for you. I'll bring him out of there."

I think that you're missing some words in this second paragraph, since there's an abrupt end to one of the sentences that looks like something was meant to go there.

[ ]

"Dang it, don't listen to her Nia!" Denver ranted, trying to rise to his feet only to collapse again. A flash of alarm flickered across Edward's face. "Denver…"

Alice frowned, "I'm not going to-"

"Not a chance you damn witch!" Denver cursed.

Sam: "Denver, with all due respect, you really need to sit down and shut up for a while. Don't you have some bigger problems to worry about at the moment like how you're not able to walk?" >_>;
Denver: "You don't understand, Sam, she's literally a living jinx!"

Bruce seemed conflicted, glancing between the three, "I don't know… if we start splitting up now… especially with… ugh…"

Sam was already beginning to sense the tension. The fear rise up around him. If they keep threatening to fall into a fight again, they might as well have been dead.

For fuck’s sake, why do I have to keep pulling everyone back together?!

Denver: "Technically, we could just boot Alice and keep her away from us-"
Alice: "I literally just suggested that and wanted to go and look for Dan!"

Thankfully for Sam, his response to all this was obvious. Especially so since it wasn't just Dan down there… but Aidan too.

"I'll go with Alice."

With the exception of Filip, the group collectively looked his way, the Scorbunny stepping up alongside Alice.

"Aidan's down there too, besides, me and Alice will be able to cover most of the ground down there to find him and Dan. Everyone else can hunker down here whilst Nia flies up and tries to find Esper or… well… anyone."

Denver: "Whelp, it's your funeral. Have fun with that one."
Sam: "I'd just like to remind that 'acting like a giant dick' is usually a trick among authors to get their readers not to feel bad about characters that are about to have something terrible happen to them."

Alice turned towards him, a scrawl widening across her face. "I don't need help on this-"

"Look around you, Alice!" Sam snapped, waving an arm around the room, "You're going to need all the help you can get. You don't know what's down there." He let his voice get a little bit quieter, not enough to be a whisper but quiet nonetheless. "Let me help you."

He's crushing on her, isn't he? :V

She stiffened, a faint growl coming forth as if trying to scare him off. But Sam held his ground, and the Buneary let out a little groan. "Fine."

Satisfied, he turned towards Nia, "Think you can fly up there?"

Nia seemed to relax a bit at the prospect of someone looking for her friend, some of her fear drifting away and her old perkiness beginning to resurface.

"O-Okay! I-I can do that. Just please… find Dan, you two, okay?"

Well, I guess we're not reuniting with Aidan and Dan this chapter. Might explain a thing or two about how the next chapter's noticeably on the chunkier side relative to prior ones.

Sam pulled a thin smile, giving a sharp nod, "We will."

Sam: "... (Boy am I hoping that I'm not jinxing myself right now.)"

Denver closed his eyes, shaking his head and looking away and drawing Edward's attention away from the discussion. Bruce seemed ready to debate otherwise. A little bit of a flicker of disgust perhaps? But then the reptile shook his head and finally turned away.

"I'll keep everyone else here. Don't get yourselves killed."

inb4 there's another aftershock and everyone in the chamber dies. Since just saying, it does feel like they're tempting some serious fate right now.

On cue, Nia flew up towards one of the shaft entrances, holding onto it with her claws as she looked down on the others.

"S-Stay safe." And with that, she entered the shaft and began her ascent.

Sam turned towards Alice, crossing his own arms. She flashed a cold, hard glare at him.

"Can you ever take a hint?"

He flashed a little smirk, "I'm a bit of a stubborn bastard."

Sam: "Wouldn't be alive and here to talk to you if I wasn't-"
Alice: "Yeah, yeah, whatever-" >_>;

Alice huffed back at him… though he couldn't tell if Alice was frustrated or amused. "Don't try and be a hero." She stressed.

"As long as you don't punch my lights out."

That earned him a little chuckle. "Then let's go."

Alice began to hop down towards the tunnel, and Sam jogged alongside her, headed once more back into the depths.

Ah yes, I see we're ending on a suspenseful note there. Though I suppose that's one way to keep your audience coming back for more.

Alright, made it to the end. I'll admit that the chapter was a bit slower-paced than I was expecting since we're basically just dealing with the aftermath of a quite-literal shakeup and watching the dust settle, but you did a good job at maintaining a sense of tension throughout things. Once again, the darker undertones of this story reared their head since... yeah, I can already tell that Denver's not going to be walking again anytime soon, and the rest of the group's in a very precarious situation where they literally are struggling just to not infight with each other. But I suppose that that's always been a part of this story's draw.

Criticisms-wise, I saw a number of typos scattered about the chapter that are probably worth taking some time to step through and iron out. There were also some paragraphs whose formatting I wasn't a super fan of, mostly particularly large ones or else ones that mixed larger chunks of dialogue and description that I felt would've worked better as multiple smaller paragraphs. The big issue that I saw as a recurring thing this chapter is that you had a bit of a dearth of description, both in terms of scene-setting to establish what things look like, and in terms of inner indirect thoughts to show off more of how Sam's thought process was ticking. It was especially noticeable in that one part where he brings up Mystery Dungeons collapsing, which while he's heard that mentioned before in the story, he comes to the conclusion very abruptly and in a way that showing his thoughts more would've likely avoided.

Though that's all for now on my end. It was nice coming back to this story again, @StolenMadWolf . Hope the feedback helps, and I'll be looking forward to when I cross paths with this story again sometime in the future.

 

[StolenMadWolf]

POKÉMON MYSTERY DUNGEON
GUARDIANS OF BALANCE
EPISODE II - DARK, WONDEROUS PAST
CHAPTER XXIV - THE DYNIS​

Sam didn't really know how he'd respond to what secrets and revelations he would potentially discover inside the temples or ruins left behind by the Guardians. Joy? Relief? Terror? With so many uncertainties about that answer, it was hard to predict what his reaction would have been, even in hindsight.

What he didn't expect was to find himself stunned into near silence. He stared at the little blob that was Squishy. He stared at the statue of the giant legendary snake that Squishy claimed he was. That he had to believe he was. There were too many coincidences in their appearance, even given the light of chamber and the stark size difference. He could tell Alice was not as easily silenced, but he could notice with how stiff she got that she was still taken aback by this particular reveal.

Squishy shuffled on the spot for a moment, and his eyes flicked between them. Probably no doubt expecting to hear a sharp response. But as the two rabbits still stood there – dumbstruck – the little blob's 'cheeks' suddenly went red. "Err… if I knew this would be how you'd react I'd probably try to be more… dramatic? Or maybe less, this isn't the way I'd normally… err… portray myself."

Some ghost inside the Scorbunny's skull put the rhetorical boot up his brains behind, as Sam finally snapped out of his stupor with a shake of his head. "S-Sorry… I just didn't expect you to be a legendary too."

"Given we've met two in the couple of weeks, what did you expect?" Alice asked, with a tone of voice that seemed to blend both bemusement and grit together.

Sam weakly shrugged, "I don't know… like a human spectre? Or a clone of me or something…"

"I thought you'd be looking for a god or something." Alice replied.

"Ahem…" Squishy interjected, "I'm not that far off from 'gods' myself!"

The fire-type had to resist the urge to smirk at the high pitched complaint from the little green blob. Funny… the little guy thinks he's a big G Go… okay Sam, stop it. Don't annoy the guy, we need his help.

Alice's coiled ear twitched, "Then how the hell do you go from that," she pointed at the statue, then swept her finger down to Squishy. "to that. You aren't a pre-evolution? I've never heard of legendries having that."

Letting out a wobbly sigh, Squishy turned towards Sam. "You remember how I said I was a Pokémon and I wasn't?"

Biting his lip, Sam rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah?"

"Well, because I'm just a piece of Zygarde." Squishy explained, bouncing forward towards them. "I'm a Core. The heart and soul of Zygarde. I'm to Zygarde what your sense of self is to you."

"And I'm assuming you have… other piece of you lying around somewhere?"

"Cells, yes. They're like me, but have no sentience. The more cells I can merge with, the more… complete I become. Trust me, that statue is me just half-full."

Half-full? Sam mused, looking back towards the snake statue. Did extra cells turn that into… super-mega snake or something?

"Bad news is, those Cells can be hard to call on and without them, I don't have as solid a memory. Which is why I can't actually tell you that much."

"So we need to find your… cells." Alice uttered, "That's what Sam needs to do?"

Squishy deflated, "Would be nice, but no. What you need to focus on right now is learning as much as you can about the Guardians and the Shadow they faced millennia ago."

"Shadow?" Sam whispered, feeling his gut coil into a knot.

"Eeehhh, I can't tell you what it was. Cellular memory for you." Squishy wobbled again. "Luckily, there is something that can help all three of us. Inside the Arcanum's vault, unless my memory is completely… err… useless, there should be a Dynis Orb."

Sam's ears went fully erect, Wait, what? Dynis? He doesn't-

"You've got to be kidding me." Alice grumbled, "Dynis crystals don't do anything but glow!"

"Yeah, that!" Sam chimed in, he had only seen them once before, during the recruit trials he had joined in when he first awoke in the world. A glowing crystal that didn't really do much else. "Weren't they supposed to be emeras that survived leaving dungeons?"

"That's it. Unless there is a dungeon in here…" Alice replied.

"Oh no! No dungeons in here! That would have been really bad!" Squishy remarked with a flicker of panic. "But here's a newsflash for you. Dynis crystals can be combined to form Dynis orbs, and they are able to… absorb memories."

Sam flicked an ear back, "Wait, absorbing memories? Like, I could… pull any memory out of my head and just… drop it in?"

"In a sense, yeah. Technically a Dynis Orb could take in any kind of information if it has the space. But these ones normally store critical information and knowledge that the Guardians would never want lost."

"Almost like… a TM…" Alice mused.

Squishy narrowed their eye, "Errrrr… I don't know what that is but if it helps. Then yes, it is like one of those."

This Orb… it might be exactly what we're looking for! Sam cheered to himself, If we can find that Orb, we might get some answers on why I'm here! Maybe what we actually need to deal with!

The Scorbunny rubbed his hands tightly together, "Okay! Then we need to find that Orb! Especially if…"

That was when the penny dropped, and Sam's paw began to throb painfully again. "Sssshit…" he started, "I suppose that knowledge isn't just stuff that helps us but… could cause a lot of harm."

The legendary before them seemed to darken, even grow by a fraction. "It's possible. All the more reason to get the Orb out before someone else does."

Sam felt a new chill run through him, if the Guardians could build something like this, who knows what kind of weaponry existed here? The castle from his dreams was another reminder of that. As was the Oracle. He directed his gaze across the rest of the atrium. "Alright, which way do we go?" he questioned.

With that, the ground began to rumble. Sam's heart started to race, was it another earthquake!? No, it was too gentle. He caught a sign of movement behind the statue of Zygarde, and leaning over, he could see a stone door rise into the ceiling. Huh. He thought, bemused at the sight. Wonder how Squishy can do that…

"Just a heads up…" Squishy said, their tone dark, "Once you move into the Arcanum proper, I won't be able to manifest myself like this. The only way you'll be able to speak to me is back in a dream."

Sam nodded back, it wasn't ideal, but they still had a decent starting position. "Sounds good, we'll-"

A hand clapped down onto his shoulder, "Hold up." Alice cut in.

Huh?

The Buneary frowned as she pulled Sam back in, keeping her eyes fixed on Squishy. "There's one thing I don't get. You can get into Sam's head. And the Guardians knew that at some point he was going to show up. How do you link into all of this?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing.

Oh. Oooohhhh shit. Sam realised, his neck clicked as he brought his attention back towards the blob. "Yyeah… I mean, you know who you are. And you know about the Guardians and the Arcanum."

He crossed his arms, "You've obviously got enough memory kicking around somewhere to know about all of that and me."

Squishy brightened, a few orange patches forming where Sam imagined their 'cheeks' were located.

And that was when the legendary chuckled. "Okay. Good question. We don't have much time, so let me put it like this."

Sharply compressing, Squishy suddenly sprung up into the air. The Scorbunny slipped his foot back, ready to leap away – only to find that the blob had landed atop of the Zygarde statue. Sam blinked, if Squishy was trying to be dramatic, then he wasn't exactly succeeding with his… small stature.

"The thing is, the Guardians weren't just called Guardians for the sake of it. They were the protectors of not just the continent, but the balance of the world. Hence their true name: The Guardians of Balance."

Guardians of Balance? Sam thought, suddenly getting hit with the full gravity of the name. Balance of the world? What did that mean? Were they more than a proto-Guild afterall? I mean, Koko implied that, but still…

"So…" Sam started, "Their jobs were literal saving the world kind of stuff?"

It was now Squishy's turn to blink, "Err… not everyday, but yeah. That's it! And the Guardians didn't just decide to do it themselves, they also had a patron at their back. Basically, someone who gave them the necessary power, experience, and guidance to fit into that role."

Alice tightly crossed her arms, "And let me guess. That's you. Zygarde."

Squishy hopped back down to join them, "All legendries play a part in how the world works, or influence a part of reality. For Dialga and Palkia that's time and space. Xerneas and Yveltal? Life and death. Me? That's balance. If one part of the equation threatens the balance, it's Zygarde that steps in. And the Guardians – if I'm remembering rightly – were the lighter response. Maintaining the balance on a smaller scale – and being a help to me when something bigger came along.

A picture began to form in Sam's mind as he instinctively started tapping his foot, he had seen enough in real life and those dreams to know that the Guardians obviously had a big presence in the past. Kain knew of them as if he was physically there and somehow, he had managed to show up in this time. And with the natural disasters and everything that had been happening as they were occurring… was it all to do with the Guardians no longer existing? Especially if Zygarde wasn't able to form because of these cells?

"Okay, Squishy can you-" Sam started, only for the blob to sharply shaking their head.

"Look, I know you've got all sorts of questions and ideas, but there isn't time." They stressed, "You need to get moving, those pirates have to have an idea of which way you came in, and it's only going to be a matter of time before work out how to break through the Rainbow Door or activate the lift. And by that point, you are gonna want to get yourselves out of here."

With a bob of their body, Squishy motioned back towards the open door. Sam glared at the open hatch, conflicted on moving further ahead. There were so many questioned he wanted to ask, so many more things he needed to work out. He couldn't just walk away from Squishy's answers.

Alice tugged at his arm, "Come on, you can ask him more later. We need to find that orb!" she stressed.

Sam felt his neck crick, Y-Yeah, she's right. I've still got the little guy on tap. But if we lose the Orb, those answers go away with it.

He sharply nodded, "A-Alright! Let's go!"

With that, the two rabbit Pokémon sprung into motion, sprinting round the statue and making a run for the next corridor.

Squishy watched them go, their body glowing a more brilliant green as the two rabbits ran onwards. "Go on you two, keep moving." They said to themselves, turning to face the entrance tunnel. A distant, faint thump echoed down the corridor, and the cell gave himself a shake. "I couldn't fight like this even if I was at 100%... but let's see if I can't drive them nuts."

---

Back on the mountain side, Rex was already jogging downhill, one eye fixed on the horizon whilst another guided his feet. The situation with the pirates, the tribes and his own Guild was worse than he thought. Many of his own were captured, and worse still, those few who were free were throwing themselves straight back into danger again. Sam and Alice especially so.

He had to reach them, especially if the pirates were already encroaching onto them.

Odessa was easily keeping pace with him, and the Guildmaster only slowed down enough to allow for Denver and Kaliani to keep up. "Guildmaster was it?" she said, "Even if we could get you across to the next island, you can't fight all the pirates alone!"

"I won't have to." Rex declared, working to keep up his speed. He already directed Clovis to fly back towards the rest of the guild and the Red Kite. Between his report and that of their Noctowl scout, they should have a concrete idea of what to expect before they got underway. The pirates would have to think twice before trying to engage the Robinwood flagship. "I just need to slip through the net." He slowed, looking over his shoulder towards the Skorupi. "Denver, I need you to return to the Wela village, and pass on word to the others when they return. We'll need to start getting plans prepared for dealing with the pirates as soon as the Kite arrives."

Denver was visibly panting as he skuttled down the trial, and yet despite this still had enough energy to click his claws. "Not that I don't mind! The break!" he called out, "But this hero stuff! Is fucking crazy!"

The guildmaster smirked, "Don't worry Denver. I've dealt with worse than pirates."

"As I am sure you have." Came a new voice.

The Blaziken skidded to a halt as a yellow flash of light dominated his vision, moving to shield his eyes from the sudden glow. But just as quickly as it came, it faded away.

When he refocused his eyes on the newcomer, he found himself looking over a black, yellow and orange Pokémon, with brilliant blue eyes and massive shell fragments on their arms.

The guildmaster raised a brow at the sudden arrival of the mythical and briefly bowed his head. "Tapu Koko, I assume?" he asked, he already had a good idea of his description from Denver.

The Tapu bowed their head back. "Indeed I am. I have heard much about you Guildmaster Rex."

"Tapu!" Odessa exclaimed, fiddling with the hat-like feathers atop her head. "I thought you were speaking with your peers!?"

"I was." Koko confirmed, rolling a shoulder – and with it, one of the shell pieces. "But that was when we received the confirmation. Someone has entered the temple."

"Sam and Alice got in!?" Kaliani cried, eyes wide. "That's great!"

Koko didn't seem that pleased as they shook their head. "We don't know for sure. But what I do know is that myself and the other Tapus will need to speak to the guildmaster."

Rex's feathers ruffled at the words, but he kept his tone calm as he replied. "I am humbled by the rest Tapu." He diplomatically replied, "But I must focus on supporting the Pokémon I am responsible for."

"A new way into the temple has just been opened to us." Koko interjected, narrowing their eyes.

The guildmaster blinked, a potential new path? Was it a shortcut perhaps?

The mythical Pokémon extended a shell towards him. "Come, we can help you from there."

Rex hesitated for a moment. This was something he wasn't quite prepared for. He had some experience dealing with legendaries, but not quite like this…

But the decision was all too easy. "Denver, you have your orders. I'll be back as soon as I am able."

The bug-type hurried forward, "Wait, you can't b-"

Rex touched the shell. In that instant, both the legendary and the guildmaster were ingulfed in a bolt of lightning, and the three remaining Pokémon recoiled.

When they turned back, the two were gone.

Denver thumped his tail against the rocky ground, "I'm getting sick of this damn bullshit…"

Spoiler: Author's Note

Okay, my backlog plan hasn't... gone to plan, but that has been more due quite a few insane developments in real life that have had me all over the place and I decided I could sit on this chapter and leave it unfinished any longer. Hope you enjoy it!

 

[StolenMadWolf]

Howdy folks. So, I’ve done smaller updates regarding my fanfiction plans in the past, everything from backlogs, to word limits and up to prequel stories. But this one is going to be something more concrete. Something I’m going to deliberately force myself to do here. Especially since at one point, I decided I was going to take a different approach to writing Guardians of Balance and Mercenaries of Dawn in the future… and promptly falling into my old habits of mission/project creep.

Okay, I’m starting to ramble. Let me get to the point.

When I first started writing Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Guardians of Balance, it was something I was doing just on a whim. For a bit of fun more than anything else, and as such, I came into the whole thing with a very… not quite blasé approach but a very casual attitude to it. It was something I was going out of the way to do for fun whilst I worked on some other creative projects. That is why my initial chapters in the story were extremely short. It was something I was writing as a quick and speedy affair. I hadn’t fully established who the core characters were yet. Or had a full idea of what the plot was. But my brain being what it is, that didn’t stop me from thinking quite far ahead. Plotting and coming up with new ideas, and this carried over to the way I was writing. Chapters got longer, more characters and details about the setting got revealed and the plot became increasingly more complex. I started finding my voice with the whole thing.

At that point, GoB stopped being just a whimsy fun project and something more serious. And yet, I still wasn’t quite consistent with the way I was writing it. Some of the chapters ended up getting excessively long, forcing me to start forcing on first a 4000 word limit for each chapter, then going even further to a 2000 word limit. It has never turned into a chore, and I’ve always been happy to reveal a new chapter or development. I wouldn’t have gone ahead and had some fun with Sam, Alice, Rex, Aidan, the recruits, the side characters and of course, our weird friend Perry.

But as time as gone on… I have become less satisfied with the direction GoB and by extension, MoD has been going. It’s not got more exhausting or boring. And I’m not having any real issues with Pokémon as a whole. The problem is I’ve been looking back at my older chapters and reading through the reviews and… well, I’m less satisfied with my own writing. Especially with the older chapters. Every time I look, I come across some new error or mistake that has become increasingly harder to ignore.

You would think I’d go back and fix these issues, and I’d absolutely would! Chapter 1 had a significant revamp because of it! But that hasn’t happened across the whole of the fanfic. The reason for those mixed standards – and by extension the significant periods between chapters despite my efforts – is because of said mission creep. Not only was I juggling GoB and threw MoD on top of it, I have been working on those alongside three other major creative projects, all original. The post-apocalyptic werewolf serial novel I’m working to prepare, Nýúlfur has been my primary focus for some time after sitting on it for so long to get make sure it’s ready to go out. There is also the shorter The Ship of Aurora novella I’m working on as well, and that’s before I even go on about the Arcbots project, which includes not only a serial novel in the planning stages, but also a tabletop wargame that is currently being playtested.

To simply put it, from the start and even now, whilst I have had a really good idea on how I want the story to go, I’ve kinda been writing GoB by the seat of my pants.

Needless to say, I’ve got a tendency to throw myself into a ton of projects. And I have been using new scheduling systems, backlogs and more to stay on top of things. But it hasn’t been easy to keep up that speed and focus, especially once real life stuff creeps in. Four years have passed since GoB first came out, and I still haven’t gotten out of the second episode.

Which coupled with my increasing dissatisfaction with the quality of GoB and MoD chapters, and the speed needed to get them out on top of all these other projects, I’ve realised that something is going to need changing. Otherwise, the quality and pace of them is only going to potentially decline further. That, or they’ll never get done. And unfortunately, the original fiction does take priority. So, I’ve made a big decision.

Mercenaries of Dawn is officially postponed, and once Guardians of Balance’s second episode is complete, it will go on hiatus.

But I must stress, neither will be permanently gone. Whilst I work on getting my original fiction off the ground, I will be going back through GoB’s old chapters and giving them some well earned TLC.

At the very least, that means I’ll be going back through the older chapters and improving their grammar, prose, and update/correct some details. For example, Edward was initially a very different character at the start before I nailed down his personality. That is something I’d want to update.

At the high end? The older chapters could be given a considerable revamp to bring them more in line with the newer ones. Others could get split into smaller chunks as needed and some completely new chapters might come out through the door. Indeed, the possibility of changing the episode system has been something I’ve thought about. That might mean the two episodes could be broken up into four-five episodes instead.

But critically, as this is done, I’ll also be working on getting a proper backlog together for ‘Episode 3’. This episode has been a long time coming, as it would essentially conclude the Robinswood Arc with a bang, bringing a lot of the stuff that is developing in the previous episodes, especially Episode 2, together. And it is something I do want to show you all.

Once everything is ready, Guardians of Balance will be relaunched with a bang as part of the Sierran Timeline. The name for the combined setting focused around Guardians of Balance, which will not only include Mercenaries of Dawn when it eventually returns… but also one extra thing.

A sequel to Guardians: Inheritors of Legacy, or IoL. I won’t say much on it, but it will essentially conclude the saga. But in the meantime, Guardians is the priority fanfic wise.

I’ll work to continue trying to release GoB chapters as part of Episode 2, there is some genuinely spicy chapters coming up, dropping some significant bombshells and setting the stage of Episode 3. I would pause and get on with the TLC now, but I want to be able to complete Episode 2 rather than leaving you on a rather bland cliffhanger.

So don’t worry, Guardians of Balance isn’t dead. Whilst I work to complete my original projects, I will be taking steps to giving Guardians a much needed boost – one that it’s been long overdue for, and allow it to have a big restart when Episode 3 is ready with a proper backlog. I don’t know how or when I’ll get the revamped GoB chapters ready and posted, but keep an eye on this space. I’ll try and keep you all informed!

Thanks, and stay safe!

 

[StolenMadWolf]

Klefki steals toy key thinking it was bank key. Need returning.

Like, how important is that?

Hitmonmee hit my sphere off my head! I need it back!

Okay, that's… actually, is that a Spoink? Checking… agh, no, that's a Totter Orb! Just mentally put that to one side…

WOBBUFETT! WOBBUFETT!

What. Really? Okay, fine, let's look into that Tott-

The grey beak punched its way over the top of the paper, and before he knew it, the red eyes of the raven were staring right at his face. "Whatcha doing!?"

The bruised and bandaged Scorbunny recoiled hard enough that if he wasn't sat on a massive couch, he would have fallen to the floor instantly. "Holy shi-Perry!" Sam cursed, scowling at the Corvisquire in front of him. "You could have just… I don't know! Just said hi from another angle? The air? The floor?"

Sam was sat inside a small but otherwise fairly busy café in Robinwood, browsing through some of the jobs posted to the guild and what little bit of news he could find in the local paper. Well, he was, right up until the self-proclaimed quickest post bird around ended up shoving his beak into his face.

"Oh, you know how it goes!" Perry cheerfully replied as he settled himself down on the couch at the opposite side of the table. "Teasers like to be so… dramatic I believe!" With a flash of his wing, he swiped one of the discarded pages from the newspaper and scanned the text. "Ah, gotta love those Wobbufetts. But why are you looking at missions already? Didn't you get your ass kicked again? Or your gut-"

Sam's chest immediately tightened before Perry could even finish, "Hey! Too soon mate!" he croaked, motioning for the bird to simmer down… all the while as a dull pain ran through his core.

Wherever it was Sam's tone, pained expression or his hand that got Perry's beak to freeze mid-sentence was not something he could easily tell. But with a respectful nod, the raven leaned back. "Okay. Traumatic experience. I get that. And spoilers, that's a big problem." His red eyes flicked towards a Salazzle waitress, and suddenly distracted, sported the closest thing he had to a charming smile at her. "The usual please! Marshmallows and all, it's nearly Christmas!"

As she rolled her eyes with a smirk and went towards the kitchen, Sam's eyes went blank, "Chris-", he quickly shook his head, "Right, seriously Perry. What are you doing here? Don't you have mail to deliver? Actually no, don't tell me you have a day off. I've got a feeling you were looking for me."

"Oh, my dear Sam." Perry replied with a click of his beak, "Can't you have a conversation with a weird and wonderful friend? I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Well in that case, I've been fine. Healing and all." Another ache ran across his shoulders, enough for him to wince, "When Alice isn't trying to kill me with more physio."

"She does like her exercise." Perry quipped.

Sam chuckled warmly back, the image of the Buneary doing press ups in their room still fresh on his mind. "Yeah, she does."

The Salazzle returned, placing a steaming pot of hot chocolate in front of the post bird. With a warm thanks and asking to have it put on his tab, Perry returned his attention back to Sam. "Seriously though. What have you been doing? You kinda dropped off the map." He narrowed his eyes. "Been focusing a bit much on a certain werewolf sto-"

"Perry!" Sam blurted out again, feeling his ears snap in all directions, "We can't start saying that! We'll get into trouble!"

"Who's going to sue me?" Perry cawed defiantly, spreading out his wings as if he were a mighty eagle. "Nintendo?"

Sam didn't even say anything, instead opting to lean forward and narrow his own eyes.

The raven stiffened himself, looked over his shoulder, then seemingly satisfied, lowered his wings. "Point taken." He admitted matter of frankly, "But you haven't answered my question!"

"I've been busy!" Sam growled.

"With what then?" Perry countered firmly, opting to lean back against the table and rest his wings atop it.

Damn it all. He's not going stop pushing this isn't he? Sam pressed his back into the back of the coach. Fine. Two can play at this game.

"Well…" he started, holding his hand up and poking out his digits. "I've been busy… planning, drafting," he began to flick out his fingers to count, "writing, editing, proofreading, sketching, lineworking, colouring, shading, rendering, system designing, playtesting, reviewing, publishing, posting and dealing with a series of personal issues that make me question my identity and life every day, which sounds really cheesy but mental health is important so-"

That was when Sam finally noticed the rock music. He swivelled his head round, and there he was, standing over by the café counter, a Toxicity who was visibly sparking, his hand planted atop some kind of wooden… boombox?

Mid head bob, the Punk Pokémon quickly noticed the Scorbunny staring at him. His cheeks flushed an even brighter yellow than normal, and he quickly peeled his hand away from the box, and with that, the music ceased with a sizzle.

He turned towards Perry again, "So… aye. Been kinda busy."

The Corvisquire had leaned forward, his beak partway into the hot chocolate before he pulled himself back. "Okay, yeah, that's a lot. Maybe you should just focus on one thing, or just… I don't know. Merge stuff together? Less plain art and wolf and monster writing and do a comic or something. Not that it makes sense around here anyway… but I do have a second question!"

He wiped the chocolate off his beak with his wing, then leaned forward again. "It has been quite a few months since this pause. There are these things called 'Guardians' floating around. Definitely have a few more folks interested in that and cute creatures instead of some OC stuff."

"Perry…" Sam groaned, rolling his shoulders to fight the ever increasing ache in them.

"Okay okay!" Perry replied, "But to the question. When are folks going to be seeing more GoB?"

Sam started to gather up what was left of the newspaper, "Soon, okay? I told you; I've just got-"

A solid thump rang out in front of the Scorbunny, and he recoiled as Perry's face was pushed nearly into his own. "H-Hey!"

"No more excuses Sami! You probably haven't even done a backlog given your inability to focus on more than one thing at a time. So, picking an actual time to bring this world back would be really, really nice…"

The Scorbunny felt a shiver run down his spine as the raven narrowed his red eyes, as if trying to look right into his very soul. Swallowing, Sam leaned back into the couch, and mustered the strength to keep his voice firm. "Alright then! Fine!"

He crossed his arms, and forced his ears erect. "Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Guardians of Balance will be back on in 2026!"

Perry tilted his head inquisitively, but didn't say anything. If nothing else, his eye twitched as if to press him further.

"Fine! January 2026!" Sam snapped, "Episode 2 will continue then!"

With a very joyous sounding klick of his beak, Perry dropped back down into his seat, "January 2026! I'll take it!" With boisterous enthusiasm, the bird somehow scooped the mug with his wingtips and took an almighty gulp of the hot chocolate.

POKÉMON MYSTERY DUNGEON
GUARDIANS OF BALANCE​

"That being said…" Perry started, "That's in that silly calendar, the one named after George. In that world with the nasty old orange… err… on second thought, forget it, this is getting too political."

"As if this world wasn't political enough." Sam noted.

WILL CONTINUE JANUARY 2026​

"Still, there are tons of calendars out there. Come to think of it, what's the year in this calendar? The one everyone uses here?"

"Err… I don't know."

PROBABLY. PROVIDED I DON'T STICK MY HEAD INTO A SANDBAR. LITERALLY.​

"Okay… let's say… 3E 6! Nope, that's stepping on Brokeseda's toes. 6 ADM? That works! Copies those space wizards a bit but hey, it's what everyone uses! Sort of. Is that soon? I hope it's soon…"

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, it's been... uh... a while, but you were on my list of authors that I wanted to pay forward this year as part of Review Blitz on TR for bothering to stop and review something of mine in the past calendar year, so I figured that it was as good an occasion to come back to Guardians of Balance since it was the PMD fic of yours that's not on indefinite hiatus.

Apologies in advance if I wind up a bit rusty on specifics of what was happening up to this point, but anyhow, diving right in where I left off in…

Chapter XVIII

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

There was only one tunnel for the two rabbit Pokémon to follow, twisting and turning deeper into the earth. The faint red glow had started to grow even brighter as they descended, probably more magna being Sam's guess. He just had to hope that it didn't start creeping through the cracks.

Hmm... chapter called "Awakening the Giant" with creeping magma being a problem. Kinda wonder if this is going to lead to another "Groudon problems" moment.

Or the water for that matter. After a few more minutes of making their way further down, a light mist of foggy air greeted and enveloped the pair. He tried to take in a breath, only to feel nothing flow into his lungs. At least it wasn't the same kind of steam that erupted in tune with the earthquake and shot Emrys out of the sky. But if there was water down here, then they only had to be even more careful.

At the very least, as long as the path didn't split apart, they should be able to find Aidan at the end of this.

I'd laugh at your optimism right now, Sam, but it'd be genuinely depressing if Aidan was just killed off after we got to know him. Even if I still don't buy that finding him is going to be anywhere near that easy.

Alice led the way in near total silence, the Buneary's eyes focused purely on the path ahead. Whilst she wasn't exactly sprinting, she was keeping a rapid enough pace to keep Sam's focus on moving forward.

A part of him wanted to tell her to slow down, but in truth he didn't want her too. Any moment they took to slow down or halt could only allow for Aidan and Dan to get further away or to put them into greater danger.

Sam: "Even if it's a little worrisome just how 'in the zone' she is right now." .-.

It was only when the ground shuddered under their feet did Alice stop, body stiffening as to brace herself for the full force of the aftershock. Sam leaned against the tunnel wall, his heart starting to race… only for the shock to just as quickly fade away.

Clenching his fist, he pushed himself away from the wall. "Don't tell me we're going to get another quake…" Sam started with a grunt.

Alice: "Well, it's sure not any less likely to come around when you're going and tempting fate like that." >_>;

Alice didn't reply, already starting to hop on ahead. [ ] Shaking his head, Sam set off after her.

"Look, if we're going down there together, the least we can do is communicate."

One of the rabbit's ears twitched, "I will when necessary."

Kinda wonder if it would've made sense to show a bit more of how Sam is reacting to Alice's (lack of) response at the moment. Like does he find it off-putting? Worrying? Something completely different?

"And the quakes aren't enough of a problem?"

"We can't control them. So why bother worrying about them?" Alice countered, stepping over a small boulder before continuing onwards. "All we can focus on is what's ahead."

[ ]

"And if another quake hits?" Sam grumbled.

"Then we'll deal with it."

Another spot where it might have been worth getting into Sam's head a bit more. Also, I realize the rest of the guildies are kinda giant dicks to you, Alice, but you do realize that this sort of attitude isn't helping you make friends, right?

He bared his buck-teeth. "Deal with it? 'Dealing' with this hasn't gone well."

"Still means we can't just stop an earthquake dead. Just try and keep up."

She began to bounce further on ahead, and Sam broke out into a jog to keep up with her. It was painful to admit, but Alice did have a point. Neither of them had any real power to control the earth. The best they could do was crack open a few cracks in the walls at best.

Sam:

They pressed further onwards, the temperature beginning to rise even more. Sam began to sweat, even as they passed through the steam cloud and back into open air. He wiped his brow, eyes switching between the path ahead and Alice herself. The fellow rabbit Pokémon was also struggling with the heat, a few little streaks of sweat on her brow that was more obvious than what Sam had. But she didn't even seem to slow down at all, and Sam struggled to keep pace.

Did she go this fast with Nia and Dan?

Would suggest splitting Sam's thoughts off into its own paragraph. Though how hot is it right now if Sam is sweating at the moment?

Minutes more passed and the tunnel opened up before them, and it was only then Alice finally slowed and allowed Sam to pull up alongside her. A truly cavernous chamber opened up before them, with the walls rising high up into darkness. The red glow was even brighter than ever, enough that it actually appeared more orange to yellow, coming up from the bottom of the walls.

Oh, well. That's new. Though definitely not doing anything to dispel that lingering suspicion that these two are going to have Groudon problems when going into a place like this.

Sam stepped out onto the rocky floor, his eyes flitting around the chamber. A low throb seemed to resonate in the air, and his ears could make out the faint hiss of steam. The ground shivered underneath them again, threatening another quake. An unseen rock cracked as it bounced off another, and with the echoing sound, Sam's heart pounded that little bit harder.

"We better find them and quick." Sam started, eyeing a set of pillars that rose up towards the far wall.

A part of me wonders if these pillars should've been established as existing earlier in the narration, since this feels like a rather particular feature that you'd think would stand out.

Alternatively, if Sam just now notices said pillars, maybe it'd alternatively work to play up the process of him noticing it and wondering where they go or something?

Alice nodded, scanning the entire room but otherwise remaining silent. Sam stepped further on ahead towards the pillars, noting their increasing height one after the other.

"I don't see them." Alice noted behind him. "If the earthquake hit them around here, anything could have happened."

Sam:

Alice: "Yes, I'm aware. You don't need to be Captain Obvious for me." >_>;

Sam shook his head, "They'll be around, maybe there is another pat-"

Alice's hand tightened round the jacket he wore and yanked him hard back. "What th-!"

He managed to catch himself from falling onto his backside, staying upright. "Case in point." She stated, "Watch your step."

Sam's eyes drifted down to find a sheer drop just a few inches away from his feet. Cautiously, he took another step towards the edge and peered over the edge. The heat instantly hit him, and even as a fire-type, it was enough to make him recoil. Dozens of metres below him, the glowing pool of magma simmered and bubbled round the base of the pillars.

It's almost as if the entire room just collapsed…

Well then. Talk about failing a spot check there. Though I actually didn't realize that Sam was wearing a jacket. Boy that must've been a miserable experience considering how hot the ambient temperature is at the moment.

"The aftershock might have been the final push here." Alice mused. "Sam. You won't want to hear it, but they are probably already gone."

The Scorbunny stepped back, growling at her.

"Geez – we can't give up so soon! They could have been on the other side of this and-"

"You'll be risking our lives staying here." the Buneary interrupted, her eyes narrowing.

I feel like the underlined would work better expanded quite a bit more from what you have at the moment. Like how would Sam react to the idea that Aidan would just be dead? What's going on through his head? Since if he's in vehement denial, it probably is worth showing that off plus more of the process of him getting testy here.

Sam's fist clenched, heat rushing through his chest, albeit it was disguised by the warmth of the chamber. Alice was just giving up on them. [ ]

Damn it Alice… I know you don't want attachments, but you can't just be throwing everyone under the bus!

I feel like the train of thought that Sam has in the narration feels like it's missing something before we get into his direct thoughts but it's hard for me to put my finger on what it is specifically. Also, I'm pretty sure that you wanted "'throwing' everyone under the bus" for Sam's line.

[ ]

"I'm not just turning back now." Sam snapped, his voice rising. "Now I can't se-"

"H-Hey! Can you two stop arguing like an old married couple and give us a hand!?"

Sam's ears snapped round just as one of Alice's sprung up. The anger vanished, [ ] Sam turned back towards the pillars, rising one after the other towards the far wall and getting taller each time. Those aren't pillars… they're old steps!

I think things would likely benefit from a couple sentences of "seguing" description before Sam retorts to Alice. Also, I assume that that's Aidan that they're hearing, but if so, you probably want to play that up more in the narration. Since if Sam recognizes that voice, he'd presumably both identify who the speaker is and have some sort of reaction to it.

Looking past the last pillar, a blue shape poked itself into view on what Sam finally recognised as another ledge higher up.

Aidan.

Sam let out a gigantic grin at the sight. He's alive! Wait, is he-

"Aidan!" Sam shouted, "Are you alright!?"

Yeah, see above. Since I feel like Sam realistically would've realized that was Aidan speaking since he knows what he sounds like instead, so this likely could use some tweaks in his thought process shown off in the narration.

Aidan crept further to the edge, revealing himself fully to appear unhurt. "I'm fine! Dan's alright too but he's pretty shaken up! Did you find everyone else?!"

"Yeah! They're okay for now!" Sam replied.

Alice cupped her hands together round her mouth, "Nia's gone up to the surface to find some help! How the hell are you two still alive!?"

Aidan:

Though I feel like there's some thought process here to be had on Sam's end that isn't really explored at the moment. It could honestly go just about anywhere in the sequence, but it does strike me as something worth showing off.

The Froakie shifted, "Dan was stuck up here, but when the aftershock hit it brought the stairs down! I think the outcrop's made of sterner stuff!"

"Do you think you can get down!?" Sam replied.

"I can make the jump but Dan can't on his own! Even if I assist him, he won't make it!"

I'd say that this is a terrible sign for how Dan's doing right now, but Aidan said that he was doing fine aside from the whole "traumatized from almost falling into a fiery death" thing. So good enough.

Sam glanced over at Alice, the other rabbit already sharing the same look as he did. A look which screamed, 'Yeah, this isn't great, but we're going to have to help with this.'

More like you're going to have to deal with this, Sam. Since you're from the species that can actually cross lava tiles in the PMD games.

Alice responded first, "Wait there! We'll come to you!"

She took a few steps, eyes shifting between edge of the lava pit and the first tower. "Try and keep up." She said again, this time with barely a hint of emotion as she broke into a sprint. Sam could only pull himself out of the way as Alice bounded into the air and across the gap. She grabbed onto the edge of the first pillar, her feet briefly kicking in the air before pulling herself up.

Oh shit… Sam thought, already missing a heartbeat as he peered back down at the lava bubbling below. Oh shit…

Sam:

With an audible gulp, he took a few steps back, swallowed a breath of warm air… and ran for the edge. With a boot of his feet, Sam flew into the air, rapidly closing on-

He cried out as he grabbed hold of the rock, his feet slipping on the wall as his hands tightened to grip onto what he could. Gritting his teeth, his toes managed to find purchase and he pulled himself up on top of the first pillar with a grunt. Shakingly, he rose to his feet as Alice was readying herself for the next jump. [ ]

"Great. Now we have someone scared of heights."

I think that it might've made sense to show Alice giving Sam a sideways expression here or something where she's clearly not impressed.

Sam immediately jerked upright. "W-What!? I'm not-"

Alice already leapt forward towards the next pillar, Sam nearly following her before stopping himself short of the edge. He peered back down into the pit and picked up its warmth, and once more, he gulped. Pondering how far down it was, how helpless-

He backed away from the edge, shaking his head. Okay… just… don't think about the fall.

Sam: "Okay, I'll admit it, maybe I am scared of heights."

One by one, one stressful jump at a time, Sam and Alice moved from pillar to pillar like a set of stepping stones. Some of the jumps were pretty straightforward, from the top of one to another. Others were riskier, forcing the two to grab hold of craggy sides of the towers, struggling to grip on to the handholds they could get. Sam felt he was going to slip and fall into the lava below, his heart racing every time his hand or feet slipped free. But he managed to hold on and clamber back towards the top.

I kinda wonder if it'd have made sense to show off 1-2 additional jumps on Sam's part as he gets more used to things before getting this summarized, since this admittedly feels a bit "told" instead of "shown" to me at the moment.

With one final leap, Sam bounced for the final outcrop. His foot slipping underneath him, Sam's arms flailed, trying to regain his balance, only for a white hand to grab hold of one arm and pulling him onto the outcrop forward.

"I've got you buddy!" Aidan declared.

[ ] a big grin written across his face as the Scorbunny stepped onto the outcrop. Sam could only grin back, only to cry out when Aidan clapped him hard on the back.

"I knew you wouldn't be dead!"

I feel the whole "get pulled onto the outcrop" thing works better happening primarily after Aidan's line here. Though I feel that this particular paragraph works better formatted as a few smaller ones.

[ ]

"Aidan, I've had my head knocked in so many times, I'm fairly sure I'm secretly part Steel-type." Sam joked, feeling a little chuckle escape his throat.

The Froakie's grin only grew even bigger, only to suddenly vanish as his eyes narrowed and drifted to look past Sam.

"Though I wish-"

A flicker of movement flashed in the corner of Sam's eye. "Aidan. You're still kicking." Alice said, almost struggling to prevent a hiss from escaping her mouth.

Sam: "Did you really need to say that in a tone that makes it obvious that a part of you wished that he wasn't alive right now?"

Aidan himself seemed barely hide his expression, his lips twisting downwards. "I can see the same with you."

Sensing blood rush up this face, Sam angrily shook his head. "Err… less word shivs please?"

Another spot where I feel like it makes sense to slow down and get into Sam's head a bit more, even if I assume that his general mood can be summed up as:

Alice crossed her arms, eyes still fixed on the Froakie. "Fine. Where is Dan?"

His features softening, Aidan stepped aside to reveal Dan propped up on a rock, his body shivering as his eyes flicked back and forth. He nibbled on a little nut panickedly, one foot tapping on the hard surface where he sat.

"At least he's lucid." Alice mused. "And unhurt."

I think that it probably makes sense to give a reminder as to Dan's species, but I'm pretty sure he was the Bulbasaur? Which if so... yeah, I can see why he's freaking out hard right now.

"Yeah." Aidan confirmed, "Even if he was fully focused, I can't get him to fully cross the pillars on my own."

"We can take it in turns." Sam confirmed, "If one of us helps launch him, another can catch him."

[ ] The Froakie dragged one of his back feet across the ground, tugging at his mane. "I can launch him myself, being a frog and all. But catching is a different matter."

"I'll catch him." Alice confirmed, popping one ear up and down as if to confirm her intention. "I've had practice."

Small typo there. Though I feel like it might've been worth expanding on the characters' reactions a bit more.

Also, do I want to know how you've had practice catching Pokémon thrown at you, Alice?

"You're a Buneary." Aidan stressed, frowning again, "I'm not sure you're strong enough to catch a full-sized pair of Pokémon flying at you."

She narrowed her eyes back at him. "I'm stronger than I look."

[ ] Sam sheepishly raised a hand up, "I can help do the catching with you. If you let go mid jump, we'll only have to catch one each."

Another spot where I feel like it's probably worth showing off some more character reactions and/or thought processes here.

Nodding back, Aidan flashed a wink. "I like the way you think."

"We'd better get off this outcrop then." Alice stressed, unwrapping her arms. "Those pillars might only be able to take another shock before-"

A low rumble resonated throughout the chamber, the ground creaking beneath their feet. Yeah… we don't need to know the answer there.

Sam: "Hooo boy. We just had to go here without anyone capable of flying Dan and Aidan down, huh?"

The trio shared a glance, and without saying anything at all, they moved towards Dan. "Dan! Sam and Alice are here, we can head back to the others now."

The Morpeko seemed to stop shivering as much, but the nibbling of the nut continued.

Oh right, that's Dan. The Bulbasaur was... Bruce, I think.

"Come on Dan, you can trust us, right?" Aidan questioned.

"I-I do but-but…" The rodent shook his head, "W-What if the ground opens up again? I-I don't think I'll make it…"

Well not with that attitude, you won't.

Alice sighed, "Doubt yourself now, and you'll be stuck here."

I mean, she's not exactly wrong, so...

Sam was about to join in and encourage Dan to join them when he saw it.

On the far wall, positioned far enough back and in such a way that the outcrop would have hidden it from view from anyone lower down, was a massive mural. It towered far above Sam's head, easily twenty metres tall. Unlike the rock surrounding it, he could make out the sheen of a reflective surface. Metal. Its surface was intricately detailed with strange shapes, each one weirder than the last. All of them some mix of symbols and… what he could only guess were creatures?

Yeah, this sounds like it's bait for a Groudon encounter, just saying. Though I suppose we'll get a glimpse of who those creatures are soon enough.

"W-What the hell is that?" Sam uttered; eyes fixed on the wall.

Aidan glanced over his shoulder at Sam as Alice tried to pull Dan off the boulder. "Beats me. Seems to be some old piece of art. I've not really had a chance to look."

"Forget about that." Alice growled, finally getting Dan off the rock. "We need to focus on getting out first."

Uh yeah, no. You should probably pay more attention to the murals right now, Alice.

But even Sam's initial instincts faded away, Sam's attention now being drawn to the mural and its collection of details. It was so… strange, out of place that he… found himself drawn to it. So much he was already beginning to walk towards it, "Just… give me a second…"

"Sam!" Alice barked, "Don't start-"

Her voice faded away as he approached the mural, indeed, the sound of the entire chamber seemed to shift into silence. He barely noticed this as he stepped within reaching distance of the mural. Most of the symbols he recognised as some kind of creatures. But none of which he recognised. Each one all different shapes and sizes. However, there were several of which all appeared to be the same. If anything, they resembled oddly shaped stick-figures at the top of his head. Pokémon maybe? The symbols were simpler, most prominently a symbol that seemed to feature two circles, one inside the other and with a line separating the outer ring.

Wait, what on earth is-?

Oh. Oh wait. That’s a Pokéball, isn’t it?

But most startling of all was the damage. A major chunk of the centre of the mural had been scraped and battered, all the details on it having been worn away.

What… what does it all mean? Why would this be down here?

I think you meant "scraped" there. Though I don't know if this is pointing at a Groudon encounter specifically, but it's definitely towards something along those lines.

He took another step forward, only for his foot to land on something soft. Pulling his foot back, he found a strip of blue cloth under his foot. Dirty but otherwise intact.

Frowning, Sam scooped up the cloth, and noticed it actually looped round itself. An armband? On the opposite side was a white symbol. What appeared to be a tear with stripes was embroidered on top of a cross. He narrowed his eyes as he inspected the cloth, his mind wondering about what the symbol was… didn't someone mention-

Well, I'll take that as a sign that whoever used to have that is now very, very dead right now.

A soft groan drifted past his ears, ears twitching, Sam's head jerked up away from the armband and back up towards the mural. Something creaked again, and his ears focused onto the mural. Huh? Is… what's up with this?

Taking another step forward, Sam reached towards the wall, his fingers sprayed out. "So… why are you down he-"

The gigantic crack stabbed at his ears hard enough for Sam to cry out in shock, the ground jerking aside under his feet. Flailing about and unprepared, the Scorbunny spun and toppled down to the ground. His ribs stung as he sucked in a fresh breath and forced himself back up.

Uh... yeah, that sounds like a really, really blatant cue to turn and run right about now.

"Sam!" Aidan roared "We have to go! Now!"

Sam's eyes and ears locked back onto Alice, Aidan and Dan, positioned closer towards the edge of the outcrop. Steam blowing out of the outcrop with a thunderous roar. Stuffing the armband into his satchel, Sam broke into a shaky run, the ground beneath him quaking with every step. One foot slipped into a pit, nearly threatening to trip him up before with a wave of his arms, he recovered and pounced forward. Another roar sounded as he took one final leap and landed with a stumble next to the others. Dan cowered by Alice and Aidan; his eyes wide with fear. Alice and Aidan though took very visible steps back, the former half frozen on the spot.

"What… what the hell is this!?"

Or else something adjacent to it.

Spinning round, Sam's heart missed another beat. The ground where he had once stood had all but collapsed into a dark pit, what was left of the top of the outcrop now barely hanging from the main wall. Steam puffed and hissed as it shot out of the hole, the ground still quaking if not as much and yet, somehow in tune with the steam.

That was when the red arms erupted from the ground, slamming down into the rock with a painful crash. By instinct, Sam leapt back, a glance to his right confirming that the others likewise jumped. Dan let out a little yelp as he struggled to maintain his balance, his feet touching the very edge of the outcrop.

The red arms tensioned, and that was when the giant emerged from the pit, each step sending another tremor racing through the floor beneath them. First it was one maroon foot, then another, and soon enough the whole beast emerged. It was covered head to tail with maroon armour, detailed with yellow spikes and bumps across its surface. A pair of icy blue eyes locked onto them, pupils narrowing with pure rage. The two 'arms' pulled back and snapped together with a bang, forming a ring that towered above the creature and, naturally, the four little Pokémon right in front of it.

Well, 'adjacent to it’ it is. Hello, Volcanion. Though this explains a lot about the stuff that's been happening over the past couple chapters.

"Who dares to shatter this land!?" came the booming growl, loud enough and deep enough that it shoved into Sam's chest with actual force.

Over his shoulder, he could hear Dan whimper behind them, a thin layer of steam rolling onto the outcrop around them all. Well… shit… time to meet the big guy…

Cue the theme music in the background:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a3utRCm3j4

Taking a deep breath, Sam shuffled forward. Doing his best to force his fear down. "H-Hey… err we just fell in here. We didn't do this-"

"Silence!" it roared, steam rushing out of the ground behind it. "To disturb this place and its contents is sacrilege!"

[ ]

"The hell!?" Alice snapped, "Did you not hear us!? We've just got trapped down here!"

"We didn't even know this place was done here! The dungeon above us collapsed!" Aidan explained, keeping a calmer tone.

Kinda feel like we should've seen a bit more of Sam's thought process playing out here and more of that internal tension/panic going on in his head.

The sharp white teeth of the creature flashed into a hateful grimace, "Your presence in this place is proof otherwise! No one could unknowingly walk into here!"

Sam blinked, the confusion mounting.

"I-I don't underst-"

"Silence!"

Ditto here with the underlined section. It feels like it's a bit too "told" and not "shown" at the moment while it could potentially be more interesting to see things play out in terms of a distinct thought process.

The creature put one foot forward, parts of its body starting to glow a neon blue. "I, Volcanion, shall not abide by this trespass any longer! You cannot be allowed to leave with the knowledge of this place!"

Aaaaand there's the namedrop.

With a clang, the arms disconnected and swung forward, the ends now glowing with blue light… this creature, Volcanion, was preparing to attack.

Sam took a step back, and a hand snapped down on his arms. "Sam! Come on!" Aidan barked, "We've got to jump now!"

The Scorbunny spun to find Alice had already jumped to the first pillar, and the Froakie and Morpeko were ready at the edge. Sam jerked upright, "Cr-right!"

With a short sprint, he bounced across to the other side. He barely landed and spun round when Aidan and Dan came sailing right at them. Alice had the easiest time, Dan actually managing to land firmly on the top of the pillar thanks to Aidan's jump.

Last paragraph IMO should be two paragraphs. I was going to fuss a bit about not really seeing Volcanion winding up those attacks in more detail, but the gang's too busy running for their lives right now, so good enough.

Aidan's feet landed barely on the edge, his yellow eyes widening as he started toppling back. [ ]

"Aidan!" Sam shouted, desperately not wanting to lose his friend again. He shot forward, his hand grasping onto the white fluff round his neck.

The Froakie choked, his yell half cut short as he hung over the pit. [ ]

"Ack! Not the mane!"

I think that this section needs to be broken up and expanded a bit relative to what you have here, ideally showing more of Sam/the others' reactions.

Grunting, Sam tugged Aidan back onto the pillar, the frog stroking his neck as he coughed. Alice stood at the edge of the pillar, both ears tucked in, teeth bared.

"Hurry up!" she snapped, "That… thing isn't waiting!"

Sam's head jerked back up to find Volcanion had stomped to the edge, the arms dipping down below them, glowing even brighter. Sam's heart pounded in his chest. They weren't arms… they were-

Sam + Aidan:

"Everyone hold onto something!" Sam screamed.

Aidan blinked, "What?"

Two red fireballs flared from the cannons and shot forward, booming loud enough for the room to shudder. The projectiles slammed into the rock below, the entire pillar rumbling beneath their feet. Aidan cursed, nearly losing his footing.

"Oh come the hell on!"

Sam: "How is that even remotely fair?!"

The loudest snap Sam had ever heard rang out below, the entire pillar jerking downwards and nearly throwing Sam down to the ground.

When he looked up again, he could already see the tower beginning to topple.

Sam:

Not again!

[ ]

"We're gonna die we're gonna die!" Dan squealed; eyes clamped shut as he hugged the rock for dear life.

"We're not!" Alice barked, also hugging the top of the pillar. "Look!"

I get that this isn't exactly a lot of time passing in the story, but I do wonder if things should've been a bit less sparing about how the group as a whole reacted to this moment.

Sam followed her gaze; the pillar was toppling towards the ground floor where he and Alice had entered the chamber before. Heart soaring, Sam tightened his grip.

"Hold on! Get ready to jump!"

"What!?" Dan screamed. "Damnit, Dan!" Aidan bellowed, "Just get ready!"

Noooot exactly filling me with confidence about how Dan's going to be holding up there.

The toppling tower accelerated, the ground racing up to meet it.

"Hold on!" Sam shouted, legs tensioning.

Closer.

Closer!

[ ]

"Now!"

Kinda feel like there should be a bit more of a description of the ground getting closer and closer here. Like I get what it's going for, but the lack of description makes things fall a little flat.

Sam booted himself off the tower, flying through the air to the sound of crashing rock. He flailed, then hit the ground. He cried out as he tumbled and skid across the rough ground, his ribs throbbing as he slid to a halt. Grunting, he threw himself back up. He sighed with relief as Alice and Aidan, both bruised but otherwise unhurt rose to their feet. Dan was still on the floor, curled up into a ball and shivering wildly.

"We're dead we're dead-"

Well, not yet anyways, since you're still talking.

Growling, Aidan yanked the electric rodent up to his feet. "Can you stop being a cry-baby for one minute and get moving!"

Someone's a bold one considering how he's got a type weakness at this moment.

For the first time, Alice now flashed her teeth in a snarl. "Cut it out! He's scared shitless!"

Aidan's eyes narrowed, "Says the girl who bullied him!"

[ ]

"I didn't bully-"

I feel like it's worth seeing a bit of Alice's reaction here, too.

"Will you just shut the hell up!?" Sam roared, the group jerking to attention with shock. "We need to get out before – wait, where's Volcanion!?"

His gaze snapped back up towards the pillars and the outcrop, where stood at the edge above them was the giant, it gazed down on them, eyes narrowing.

Sam: "Oh, there it is. Wonderful."

Fear shifted into surprise and amusement, a chuckle escaping his lips.

"Ha! I don't think we need to worry about the big guy chasing us!"

"Sam…" Alice warned, "Not the time!"

He turned back towards the others, feeling the grin spread. "Come on, it's not like he can fly or anything."

I feel like you should articulate the underlined a bit more since I assume that the thought process is "he's trapped up there", but it's not clearly stated.

He turned back towards the others, feeling the grin spread. "Come on, it's not like he can fly or anything."

As if on cue, a thunderous roar echoed behind them, accompanied by the loudest hiss of what could only be steam yet. Sam blinked, his shoulders tightening. "He's flying right?"

Scowling, Alice jerked her head to something behind him.

Volcanion was indeed flying. The two cannons now aimed downwards and behind it, thick plumes of steam rushing out of them. It bared its teeth, rising on the cushion of steam as it rushed towards them. Sam leapt back, heart once more racing.

"Err… can we fight this guy!?"

Aaaaaand that's what you get for tempting fate, Sam. Though to answer your question, I'm pretty sure that that's a very resounding 'no' if you feel like living.

Alice's shout nearly threatened to blow the back of his skull out, "No you idiot! Run!"

Yeah, I figured.

With no time to spare, they turned and bolted for the tunnel.

Sam winced at the boom of Volcanion hitting the ground, his chest pulsing with pain as the thunderous sound of its speeding footsteps rang over his shoulder. They raced back up through the tunnel, each step shaky at the charge of Volcanion behind them.

"What is with this guy!?" Sam cried out, his legs carrying him into the middle of the group.

Surprised that Volcanion isn't attempting to snipe Sam and his buddies as they run given that we've seen him use ranged attacks already.

"Who gives a shit!?" Aidan yelped, hopping as fast as his legs could take him. "He's just trying to kill us!"

Sam glanced over his shoulder, and round the last corner, Volcanion emerged charging through the tunnel after them, cannons hanging out in front of him.

Oh, well. Maybe I spoke too soon there.

"W-whah! He's getting closer!" Dan screamed, his little legs just a blur as he ran.

"He's catching up!" Sam shouted.

"Keep running!" Alice yelled ahead.

[ ]

It's no good! Volcanion will close in before we get to- sod it, here goes nothing!

I feel like you're missing some context-establishing description here before Sam(?) has his thought process play out.

Picking out a pebble at random, Sam spun and kicked away, the stone igniting into an Ember immediately.

The fireball struck the giant's shoulder, but Volcanion didn't even flinch as it charged onwards, its cannons glowing blue once more.

Sam: "Oh come on!"

Alice: "Seriously, Sam. What on earth were you even expecting there?" >_>;

What surprised him was the sudden rush of water blasting out of the cannons. Yelping, Sam ducked, the water jets flung over his head as he broke out into another run, quickly catching back up with the others.

"Okay! First he uses fireballs, then steam and now water!? What the hell!?"

That's just the wonders of his typing, Sam.

"We can work out what it is later!" Alice growled, leading the way despite only hopping forward.

Sam clenched his fists, trying to work out another solution.

"Aidan! Can you Bubble him or something!?"

Aidan flashed a snarl, "Even if I could hurt him I'd be sitting ducks!"

[ ]

Okay! Gotta think of something else… I know! If we can't hurt him-

[ ]

"Aidan! Hit the ceiling!"

"What!?"

"If we hit the roof with Ember and Bubble, we could bring the roof down on him!"

I feel like you need to show quite a bit more of the process of how Sam gets to having this idea, since there's not a lot of context or "neurons firing" provided to show how it'd even be possible as an idea, let alone a good one.

"You'll trigger another quake!" Alice barked.

Sam let rip a snarl of his own, "It's that, or get pressure cooked! It's up to you!"

Biting off a curse, Aidan nodded mid hop, [ ]

"Alright! On three! One, two-"

The Scorbunny and Froakie spun round, another Ember joined by a Bubble Beam as it raced for the roof. Rock detonated as the two attacks impacted, debris tumbling down with a crash in front of Volcanion in a cloud of dust. Sam wheezed, coughing as he tried to breathe. Blinking as the smoke cleared, the path behind them was now filled to the brim with boulders, rising all the way up to the roof.

Sam: "Wow. That actually worked?"

Sam wanted to jump up, to cheer in delight at the small victory. But he didn't want to take his chances, he readied himself, braced to lob another Ember or to run.

Nothing…

Then the arm cannon smashed through, the end glowing again. Sam bounced back, [ ]

"Crap! Run!"

Another spot where I think you would benefit from an expansion showing off the characters' reactions.

Sam: "... Of course."

Steam thundered out of the cannon as the four sprinted away, Alice ducking as a supercharged blast of steam rushed over her head. "Great thinking idiot! You've just pissed it off!"

"It's slowed him down at least!" Aidan snapped back.

Finally, they charged back into the original chamber. Bruce stepped out from behind the boulder, looking befuddled. "What the 'eck is going on down t-"

"M-Monster! Monster!" Dan cried, sliding behind the confused Bulbasaur, shivering the whole time. "I-It's gonna eat us!"

Dan, what on earth do you even expect Bruce to do there?

"He's not going to eat us!" Sam shouted, skidding to a halt as he turned back towards the tunnel. "Bruce! Any sign of Nia? We could do with a ticket out of here right about now!"

"N-No! She hasn't come back yet! Just what did you do down t-"

"It doesn't matter now!" Alice snapped, skidding to a halt and facing the tunnel as well, "Can the others move yet!"

Edward's voice was what answered chimed in from elsewhere in the room, "We could! But Denver's legs are still messed up and I've only just managed to rouse Filip!"

Small rephrasing suggestion there. And... uh... yeah, might want to try your luck at diplomacy, kiddos.

"So we are as slow as hell then." Aidan grumbled, blowing another bubble beam at the entrance of the tunnel. Another boom later, and the entrance was filled with boulders. It would buy them time, but not much.

But if the others are in no state to move, forget running from Volcanion! And we can't stop him either…

To his mind, there only seemed to be one option left.

"Everyone, hide behind the boulder." Sam ordered, rubbing his feet against the ground. "I'll lure Volcanion away."

Underlined IMO is a bit too "told" and not "shown". I think it should be expanded quite a bit to show the proverbial gears turning in Sam's head more.

Aidan spun round towards him, [ ]

"Are you serious?! You saw those water blasts!"

"That's a death sentence." Alice said, a flicker of panic in her voice. "He's fast and if you get stuck-"

"I'm the fastest one here!" Sam countered, "I can lure him away and buy Nia time to get some help here for you guys!"

Some extensions that I'd recommend for this part here.

Another hiss erupted from the caved-in tunnel, steam blowing out from some of the cracks in the wall. [ ]

"We don't have time to debate this!" he shouted, "Hide! Now!"

But that was when the roar started rumbling into the chamber, the ground quaking underneath them. "Bloody- another earthquake!" Bruce shouted in panic, red eyes widening.

Sam braced himself, Volcanion can't be doing an earthquake!? Can he- wait!

I mean, if that's not him, then who-?

His ears twitched round, away from the tunnel… and towards the walls. The sound growing louder, closer…

Wait a second… that's not Volcanion… then that could be- One of Alice's ears snapped up, and in that second, she spun round. "Get away from the wall!"

The wall exploded, Sam crying out as he staggered back, covering his face as he tried to protect his face as rock pelted his body. The roar ceased, and blinking, Sam lowered his hand, coughing as the smoke began to clear.

Another massive shape began to lean forward from the new hole in the wall, long and snake-like, with a spike on its head.

"What are you kids waiting for!?" demanded a deep voice.

The smoke clearing to reveal an Onix coiled up in front of them. The same one that Sam spoke to back in Robinswood of all things!

Well, that one was certainly well-timed. Even if I kinda wonder if there should've been a bit more foreshadowing than this of this guy's arrival.

"Don't just stand there! I'm here to help you out! Hold onto me!"

Aidan recovered first, spinning round towards the others, "Hurry up! Climb on!"

Sluggish at first, the group moved into action, even Filip seemed to become more alert as they hurried to the tunnel, clambering and holding onto the giant rock Pokémon.

"Hurry!" Dan cried, "We've got There's a monster coming!"

"What monster?" the Onix mused, clearly unworried.

Onix: "You do realize that we're all monsters, right? It's literally in the name of our spe-"

Dan: "One that's a monster by our standards!"

"Not the good kind!" Aidan barked, herding the others into the tunnel.

Sam held his ground, keeping his eye focused on the tunnel and the steam still hissing from it. Ready in case Volcanion broke out early, at the very least he might surprise the creature for a second and buy time for the others.

"Sam!" Alice shouted, tugging at his arm, "Stop trying to be a hero and let’s-"

With an even louder hiss, a boulder flung clear of the wall, sailing across the room at impossible speed towards him. As Sam backpedalled, something shoved him aside. Stumbling into the far wall, he could just make out a faint grunt. His shoulder throbbing, Sam got back upright.

"Alice!?" Sam shouted.

He swiveled to find the boulder still rolling down the chamber… and Alice sprawled out on her back, a massive red mark running along her side.

Yeah, I had a feeling that they weren't just going to get away that easily.

"Alice!"

Sam sprinted over, grabbing hold of her arm to pull her up. She groaned in response, eyes flickering open and closed, "You… bloody idiot."

"Well, this bloody idiot is returning the favour."

Sam grumbled back, a burst of relief fuelling him as he half supported, half carried Alice back to the tunnel. Aidan stood at the threshold, beckoning them onwards. The hissing grew louder, the giant chasing them almost on top of them.

Sam: "I... really didn't think this one through."

Barely hesitating, Aidan grabbed hold of Alice's other arm and together, the three jumped onto the back of the Onix.

"Go go go!" Bruce shouted; vines wrapped round one of the spikes erupting from the rock Pokémon's back.

"Hold on!"

With a roar, the Onix shifted and rushed upwards into the tunnel it created, racing for the surface. Sam closed his eyes tight, holding onto the giant and the others for dear life.

Volcanion:

You meanwhile were the only one left. At least in some form. You watched Sam and the party flee, just in time to hear – and see – Volcanion finally smashed through the cave in, teeth bared as its eyes flickered back and forth.

"You cannot run from me!" it bellowed, its voice quaking the little stones that littered the chamber. "You transgress where you don't belong! You dare to damn us all!? I will find and end you vermin!"

>You

OwO What's this?

Though I feel like Volcanion's dialogue is an absolutely terrible sign for the future of Robinswood.

Cannons snapping forward, they began to glow once more, ready to fire.

Emotions flooding through your spirit, you drifted into the tunnel and ascended after the others.

Huh. Didn't realize that all this time the narration was a story being addressed to another character. That's definitely a neat twist there, even if I kinda wonder why it wasn't played up more in earlier chapters.

The roar was deafening, overriding any screams as the Onix raced faster and faster towards the surface. Sam wanted to desperately fold his ears, block out the noise, but he couldn't bring himself to let go. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut, and prayed for this to end. Hoping that Volcanion wouldn't find the whole and simply fire a jet of steam after them.

The answer came through in a couple of seconds, as a bright white light engulfed him. The Scorbunny blinked to find a blue, open sky above his head. Fresh air rushing into his lungs. He couldn't hide the cheer that escaped his lungs as they soared into the sky.

Cue the falling and screaming in 3... 2...

That was promptly cut short as the Onix slammed back down to Earth, Sam's grip failing as he was flung clear, his cheer turning into a cry. He hit the ground hard, groaning as he slid across grassy ground. Around him, others moaned or cursed, likewise thrown clear.

"Over here!"

Sam propped himself up to find Esper leading a large group over to them, Jack and Oscar by her side.

"Are you all okay!?" she questioned, her voice higher pitched, the concern all too clear.

Sam: "Could be better, honestly."

Alice grunted as she sat up as well, clutching her side. "Close that hole."

Esper tilted her head, "Wh-"

"Don't ask!" Alice snapped, eyes burning, "Close that hole now!"

Bold of you to think that's going to stop Volcanion considering the sorts of obstacles they've already punched through up to this point.

The scream was near unbearable, Sam tugging his ears down as Esper's own snapped up. The air shimmered as the pulse of energy rushed towards the craggy hole they had emerged from. The ground shuddered, cracked around the entrance, and promptly collapsed in on itself and with that, sealed the entrance.

And with that, it was over.

Not least of all since someone or something followed the gang and the Onix up and out of the hole.

His heart beginning to slow, Sam flopped onto his back, panting as the adrenaline finally washed away. His entire body throbbed, feeling floppy and weak.

"Sam?" Aidan asked, his voice quiet but close. "You dead?"

Half coughing, half laughing, Sam shook his head. "Yeah man."

Aidan let out his own broken laugh, panting as he did. "Well… you can't say that first adventure wasn't… exciting."

Nodding, Sam let his eyes slip shut. Not to fall to sleep, but just to take a deeper breath. "Yeah… you can say that again…"

I kinda wonder if the ending note would've worked better with something more introspective, but at least directionally, I think this is decent.

Alright, I think I'm going to leave off here. It's admittedly been a while since I last poked my head in this story so I might have been a bit rusty on some details, but I thought it was a pretty entertaining climax to the whole "first mission" that Sam and his new friend circle have been on for the past few chapters. It was also a nice chance to see them actually work together with Alice for once and it felt like there were some seeds planted for the future, since I could see the shift in narration in the scene after they bail with Onix, and color me doubtful that this is really the last we've heard of Volcanion in the end.

On the more critical end, I found some typos (you had a lot of mixups of “it’s” and “its”) and bits of awkward wording scattered about that are probably worth touching up at some point. I also felt that you were a bit light on description in parts. While there were a couple spots where I thought the environmental description made things hazy, I think that the bigger thing that stood out was moments where the characters' moods or else their thought processes were a bit too implicit or else "told and not shown", while getting to see them play out more would've potentially made for a more interesting reading experience.

Though I hope the feedback was fun, @StolenMadWolf . I can't make any promises as to when the next time I'll poke my head back into GoB will be, but it certainly won't be the last that you've heard of me, and it's been fun watching Sam get deeper in over his head in the world that you've built for him.

 

[StolenMadWolf]

Spoiler: Author's Note

Howdy folks, Guardians of Balance is back on, at least until I can push through to Episode II's completion, or what may well be Episode IV or even V, given that once the episode is complete, I'm going to start working through old chapters, neatening up and giving them that all important TLC. Posts might still be slow, as I'm currently working on releasing my serial novel Nýúlfur: The New Wolf on Royal Road and that is before I get to talking about spreading myself thin AGAIN with creative writing and art. But hey, I'll learn my lesson the hard way eventually.

Episode II is likely going to be longer than I, there is just a ton to do, so I might end up restructuring the episodes and updating story chapters as I go. Case in point, no more big titles for regular chapters. It's just a faff to sort out everytime a post comes out, but they will be saved for key points.. Either way, hope you enjoy the new chapter.

EPISODE II - DARK, WONDEROUS PAST
CHAPTER XXV - THE CIRCLE

The flash of electrical light was intense. So intense that for a moment, Rex was almost completely blinded, and yet he didn't feel any pain at all. At least, that was the case for a few seconds, as the light just as quickly dissipated. But when Rex's eyes finally came back to focus, he was still surrounded by a yellow, electrified cloud that surrounded both him and the floating form of Tapu Koko.

"Forgive me." Koko said, "I erected this to provide us with some privacy before we meet the other Tapus."

The Blaziken merely took one glance around the space around them, not even bothered by the electrical currents. "I know. I'm familiar with these."

The Tapu tilted their head at that, "I had a feeling you had met legendaries before."

"I have." Rex admitted, "Though I was only in one of these fields once a long time ago. What do you want to discuss? Is this about Sam and Alice?"

The shell fragments of Tapu Koko drifted back, as if the guardian deity was placing hands behind their back. "I wish I could tell you more. All I know is they entered the Arcanum and are on the way to recovering the artifacts contained within. We may have an alternate way in now they have access, but I wanted to warn you that the other Tapus are more… fickle compared to myself."

"Fickle?" The Blaziken scratched his beak, the concept of the legendries operating on a different set of rules compared to most Pokémon wasn't lost to him. But that didn't mean he was familiar with every eccentricity regarding them.

"They try and avoid getting involved in the affairs of the tribes, even with the threat from Libertalia and to the Arcanum. They may need persuading to aid our efforts."

That sounds par for the course, at least from what I gleaned from the chieftain in what little time we had. If the other Tapus are less concerned about upholding their obligations, then we may be in trouble.

"I'm assuming they may… impede our efforts?"

Koko's eyes actually flared very slightly in response. "…frustratingly, that is a possibility. That was what I wanted to warn you about."

With an affirmative nod, the air briefly intensified in brightness, only to immediately dissipate a second later.

This time, the guildmaster's vision recovered near immediately. He now stood at the edge of a round clearing, surrounded by near impenetrable tropical trees. However, the clearing itself was not empty. Instead, intricately carved wooden poles were planted into the grassy ground and arranged into a ring, which itself contained a shallow pool of water and a handful of rocks within that. Overhead, almost obscured by the treetops, the full moon was positioned almost directly above then, albeit a moon that seemed to somehow have a corona around it, as if the sun was up there as well. In fact, with the trees present, it was hard to tell if it was night or day, even if he knew it was the former.

Not that surprised Rex of course, as he followed the Tapu into the circle. He had been around enough legendries and read enough reports to know well they had their own realms and dimensions that they were able to shape in their own image. Although one of those was something he'd rather not experience again…

As he stepped into the circle, it was clear that he and Koko were not alone. Three others floated in front of a larger pole in the circle – totem poles, Rex realised - each one distinct and yet similar to Koko. Directly left of the pool, the Tapu there had a rounded, pink shell for a lower half, but the black upper half leaned almost lazily forward, as if disinterested. To the right, almost exactly opposite, was a Tapu that was nearly as large as Rex himself, and the parts of their red shell were positioned atop, almost like a hat. Their arms were crossed, but it didn't seem angry or hostile. The one directly opposite Rex would have almost been invisible, if he didn't know where to look. Their purple shell appeared hinged and was dominated by a single large spike which poked forward. It's blue eyes stared blankly ahead, almost through the Blaziken and into the trees at his back.

Koko positioned themselves opposite this purple Tapu, and motioned Rex forward. When the yellow Tapu spoke, it was not in English. Nor was it in the far rarer, but still recognised language known as Nihongo or the even rarer still Français. If anything, what little Rex could even catch was akin to the mix of creole and indigenous languages spoken across the Sea of Wonders.

Whatever it was, the other Tapus seemed to acknowledge it. The red one bowed their head whilst the pink one casually waved a hand. The purple one seemed almost stationary, apart from a simple blink of their eyes.

"This is Guildmaster Rex, of the Robinwood guild. He has dealt with legendaries such as ourselves before, and the Descendent Sam and his partner Alice are his charges." He waved a hand across the group from left to right. "These are my fellow guardian deities, Tapu Lele, Tapu Fini and Tapu Bulu."

All too familiar with how powerful a single legendary could be when angered, Rex closed his eyes and bowed his head respectfully towards the group as a whole. "It is an honour."

The red one – Bulu – nodded back, "Well met." They stated in a strong, masculine voice. "If one of your charges can throw Koko here around for a second, it must set a good standard for your… what was it? Guild?"

Rex nodded again, "That's it. We came her-"

"To beat up those silly pirates?" blurted out Tapu Lele with a carefree, young tone as they rested their head in both hands. "That sounds fun!"

"And there is the threat to the Guardian Arcanum." Koko firmly but gently reminded them. "We aren't looking for a massacre."

"If that is necessary." Bulu stressed woodenly, tightening their arms. "That temple withstood the duels of the Ancient Ones, I doubt some waterborne highwaymon will break inside."

The Blaziken caught the faint twitch of the 'beak' of Koko's shell – a hint to speak.

I guess there are some things that regular and legendary Pokémon do have in common.

Rex placed his hands behind his back, "If I may, I would not dismiss the possibility that this Arcanum could be breached. Technology had advanced considerably since the time when that temple was built."

"Groudon and Kygore's battles were also far from these islands." Koko also stressed, "A temple of this design has not been directly attacked since the sinking. Even if these pirates do not have the means to break in, the risk of them obtaining the artifacts within is too much to ignore."

The Guildmaster had been briefed on that by Odessa, and grateful for the interjection on Koko's part, he started opening his beak. "With what?" Lele countered, cutting his words short, "With their little bombs? Their glassware?" they visibly perked up, rocking their head from side to side. "Besides, if you really want to get rid of those guys, we should just go straight up to that diddy castle and place a few curses in there, see how many of them start puk-"

"Niijima."

The back of the guildmaster's skull went cold, and feeling his heart miss a beat, Rex found his gaze settle onto the fourth legendary – Tapu Fini – their eyes fixed straight onto the Blaziken.

"Ugh… what's bouncing around in that head now?" Lele moaned, "You could have waited-"

"You faced the Second One." Fini continued, her cold gaze not leaving Rex. "On Niijima. Few, even amongst the Legendaries could have withstood his power."

They spoke with a feminine voice, like Lele, but that voice was quieter and more mature, it was almost faintly rhymical in the way they spoke.

It did nothing to shake out that cold… scratch that worked its way through his skull, Rex slowly nodded. "Yes." He admitted quietly.

Fini's eyes drifted between Lele and Bulu. "You should not dismiss what this Pokémon has to say. If only for that."

"How would you know that?" Lele grumbled back, swinging their head towards Rex. "Alright, fine."

Rex felt the psychic presence reach inside him before he could react. It didn't hurt, that was something Rex was familiar with, but it still felt like an almost physical mass just pushing through his mind, as if someone had just invited themselves into one's home. "Let's see what what's got Fi here so spooked."

The presence reached the cold point at the back of Rex's skull. The contact sent a pulse running down Rex's back, and unable to control it, he jerked. Suddenly, the colours of the Tapus quickly vanished, as did that of the circle and the surrounding trees. The whole world had suddenly shifted into varying shades of grey.

The scratching transformed into a sharp jab of pain, and the guildmaster had to clamp his beak to restrain his grunt.

That presence immediately withdrew, and the pain faded into a throbbing ache. The colours in Rex's vision began to flicker irregularly on and off like a candle. But even with that disorientation, he could easily see that Lele had gone fully erect, and their eyes were now dim. "Oh… ohh…" they started, "Okay, those scars are definitely from him…"

Rex grinded his beak, "Not exactly an experience I'd want to repeat…" he admitted painfully.

The pink Tapu rocked their head from side to side again, "Okay, I believe you and Fi." With that, they waved what appeared to be a hand in his direction. In that moment, the pain vanished, the cold withdrew and the colours of the world quickly stabilised.

Part of Bulu's shell lifted up, almost like an eyebrow as he flicked his attention between Lele and Rex. "Putting that aside… you are asking to put the lives of the Pokémon we are sworn to protect at risk. Not only in fighting these thieves, but also the safety of the artifacts contained within which I would remind you, have survived far worse than this."

Taking a moment to rub the back of his head, to will what was left of the scratch out of his thoughts, he turned his attention back towards Bulu. "This is a threat to our people as well. That was one of the reasons we came out here in the first place. If the pirates obtain these artifacts, not only will your people be at risk, but also many from around the world."

He narrowed his eyes, wondering if he should expand on that further. On how the continents may turn their attention towards the islands and the tribes if the pirate threat escalates. If the pirates were bad enough here for them to deal with, trying to keep a continental expedition at bay would be near impossible short of the Tapus getting involved.

But he decided against it. That would come across as more of a threat. But he was going to need to find a way of bringing these legendaries on board. Bulu had tightened their arms again. Their heart is in the right place, but I have a feeling that they'd rather hold back in a corner rather than actively deal with the pirates. As for Lele… he glanced briefly their way, placing their elbows on their shell and cupping their head as if bored again, They're a wildcard that might get more Pokémon killed. And Fini seems to be the most reasonable, but beyond that, I have little to work with. At least Koko is on board.

So what could Rex use to get them on side? To get that alternate means into the temple and face the pirates?

They are aware of the Guardians… so… aha. That is something we both have in common. Their presence.

Rex brought his hands back to his sides and scanned the assembled Tapus once more. "Perhaps I should bring you upto speed on what we have come across. Have you heard of Broken Wood? Or an Oracle?"

*****

The torches spaced along the walls proved to be the only light to Team Audacity as they continued down the corridor, especially after the door was sealed behind them. Good thing too, as the corridor was actually rather spacious, easily big enough to allow for the likes of say an Onix to crawl through and still have enough room left to spare for someone else to walk alongside them. Without that light, it would have been stupidly easy for Sam and Alice to get separated.

They didn't take any chances though, staying right next to each other as they walked down that corridor, deeper into the temple.

Unable to bare the silence for a moment longer, Sam finally broke it. "So… are we gonna talk about what we just found out back there?" he asked.

"What little we did learn." Alice grunted in reply, "I think that confirms that whole 'proto-Guild' idea was underselling it." She stopped for a second, bringing Sam to a halt as well. "Shit." She cursed quietly, shook her head, then started moving again. "What are we walking into? Disasters are one thing, but all of this Balance stuff? Conspiracies? This is just… insane."

Sam bit his lip as he moved alongside her, "Tell me about it… I suppose we are like those… you know…"

"Know what?"

The Scorbunny winced as a stomach twisted into a cold bag of worms. "Other humans and their partners… saving the world. Meteor, Time Gears, Bittercold… Dark Matter…"

Alice's coiled ear twitched, no doubt thinking back to that final incident. "At least they had some time to work through that… but us? You and me? How are we going to stop whatever's coming?" She rubbed her forehead, grinding her teeth. "Sam, every time something like this has happened, it's got worse. Dark Matter… it nearly killed the entire world. We barely survived Sam, we all saw it."

The Buneary shivered and glanced over her shoulder at him, and for the first time, Sam could tell from her face was twitching, it wasn't anger she was feeling, but fear. "I get what you said back at Waterfall Mountain, about not knowing how to deal with it. And Dark Matter… it happened so fast…" she stressed, her paws now clenched so tight they were going pale. "What if we don't have a chance t-"

Sam planted his hand onto her shoulder and gave her a soft shake, "Hey, we'll deal with it. Together, alright?"

He came across as confident and encouraging, but deep down, his stomach felt beyond rock hard. He knew Alice had a point, that if something else was coming it could indeed be far worse. I mean… what could be worse than throwing the planet into the sun? I don't want to imagine that.

His partner turned and started to say something back, only for something else to catch her attention and drag her eyes back forward. "Okay… I wasn't expecting that."

Sam had to hold back his surprised curse as he followed her gaze. Without realising it, the two had walked straight on into some kind of library. Bookcases towered above their heads on either side of a long room, loaded up with books, chests and a whole array of strange trinkets. A collection of metal chandeliers hung high above them, providing an incredible amount of warm light to the space.

"Yeah… we weren't expecting this."

And then came the boom over their shoulders.