Pokémon Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Guardians of Balance

[Arukona]

Hello there! It's been quite a while since I last jumped into this fic - all the way back in February 2023, if memory serves. But nearly two years later, I figured I'd check out this fic again seeing as how you have a nice heat bonus built up that I figured I'd cash in on. So may as well get into it, starting with where I left off last time...

Chapter 5

Looks like some interactions with whoever brought Sam to this world, if I had to guess. Though I'm presuming they have a physical presence in this world, almost like they're by his bedside, watching his unconscious self. They clearly want to be kept hidden, though - so will it be a matter of playing "Guess Who the Voice Is?" among the Guild folk here?

And whoever this Voice is, their communication lines are still clearly patchy as hell. I'd get that looked at if I were them.

What a thing to wake up to - a grumpy nurse. Right after being accosted by a Swampert murderer - yeah, not exactly the best entrance to this world, eheh.

"Rebecca didn't even want to be a nurse, but the last one went off to the mainland."

Tilting his own head, Sam could only frown. "Why do it then?"

"Because no one is as good as her with healing moves… as she did volunteer."

Man, even in the Pokémon world, we have a nurse shortage. Alas, there are only so many Pokémon in the world that know Heal Pulse.

This Blaziken's name is Rex, huh? Has this guy made himself the Aegis' driver, by any chance?

Wouldn't be the first PMD fic I've seen where a human says they have amnesia in order to hide the awkward truth that they're a human. I suppose it's a weird enough truth that would have a good few folks go

upon hearing it. A wise move on Sam's part, perhaps.

Chapter 6

Robinswood

Avoiding copyright with one extra S, I see. (/jk of course.)

Quite a visually appealing town we have here in Robinswood. Woodland towns usually bring out the best in fairytale-esque setting like this one.

So this is a setting in the canon world, though the Continents feel like faraway places. And judging by Rex's words, that was all a long time ago where the heroes of each continent saved the world.

Durandolon Bank

It's actually Duraludon. I did notice there were some species in this part that were a bit misspelled - something that might be worth cleaning up on another editing pass, perhaps.

Seems we're taking a leaf out of Rescue Team's book with all of these natural disasters abound.

Another crash rang out, and Sam could almost feel the ground quake from the impact. "-kinda pissed off." The Sableye finished, wiping their forehead with one hand. "He's trying to break the cell door down." Rex rolled his eyes, already clicking his fists together. "Of course he is. I suppose I'm going to have to try and talk some sense into him again."

This part should be separated into three separate lines, like so:

Another crash rang out, and Sam could almost feel the ground quake from the impact.

"-kinda pissed off." The Sableye finished, wiping their forehead with one hand. "He's trying to break the cell door down."

Rex rolled his eyes, already clicking his fists together. "Of course he is. I suppose I'm going to have to try and talk some sense into him again."

Oh, Jack is RT!Caterpie all grown up! Awww, nice to see the little buga from all the way back then evolved.

I wonder, then - if this is Caterpie from Rescue Team, then where are the RT heroes today? I have an inkling where one of them ended up, and a hunch that we may well have seen both of them...

Chapter 7

So the islands in the Sea of Wonder are carved out by mainlanders? I suppose when these islands are brand new chunks of land rising from the sea with seemingly no native inhabitants, there isn't really a society to 'take over', so any new society really is built from the ground up.

Such a new society, in fact, that they haven't had room to sort out universality of different sized 'mons in this town. Hopefully that's something they get around to in future.

"Can you do a fireball!?" Kyle asked excitedly, bobbing up and down in eagerness.

I'm surprised that a Snom would be asking for this given his incredibly disadvantageous typing.

Aaaaand now time for Sam to get carried away by these new arrivals and have Jack wondering, "Where did he go?"

"Grr! This is the kind of cocky shit that will get you killed!"

This is one grumpy Buneary right here. Betting her Frustration attacks do sky-high damage.

Oh wait, you haven't got one, because you spend all day just being some cursed freak!"

'Cursed freak'? Calling it now, this Buneary's a human. And if this is the treatment they give humans...then maybe it was a good thing Sam chose to keep mum about that side of him.

And now a bunny brawl is about to ensue...or it would if this Froakie didn't appear and break things up. Lemme guess, he's gonna be Sam's partner for the foreseeable future.

Aidan certainly seems to have it all together - I'm presuming he's something of a junior leader to this lot.

And now Sam has a place to sleep! Settling in nicely.

Chapter 8

"Well, I used to live on the Sand Continent… my family's kinda rich. I still kinda forget not everyone has got a room that's six times the size of this all to themselves."

I'm surprised to hear that Aidan, a Water-type, is from a continent not exactly plentiful in that sort of thing. And it also seems he's a little rich kid...I wonder if that might imply anything about certain parts of his character? For instance, naivety around how certain things in the world work, as well as maybe his parents being snooty pricks of people? I guess we'll see if this thread unfolds into anything.

So my family made a living by getting all sorts of reservoirs and channels filled up with water. Us water types are pretty good at that, and we need the water more than most so… yeah, they made a lot of Poke from that."

Ah, so that explains that. And that's probably helped a bunch of towns get water that wouldn't have had good access to it otherwise.

By the way Jack is mentioning the bandits here, I'm gonna make an assumption that we're not gonna see the last of them. And there's definitely more to that Swampert than meets the eye, I'm certain of it.

Years ago near enough anyone could form a Team, but now prospective teams have to actually go through tests for a Guild, or selected by a Society. It's mainly making sure everyone is the best of the best."

Ah yes, the usual increase in standards for something the less scarce it becomes. Although I get the feeling that the Guild will need all the hands it can get if these natural disasters keep up.

Aidan sure is speaking rather nonchalantly about the natural disasters and not giving a hoot about how his new partner's taking it. No wonder Sam's shaking like a leaf - imagine how one like him would feel if they were told the world they landed in had a disaster every five minutes. (Well, not quite that short, but you get what I mean.)

And on his first day, Sam has indeed found his partner. Ah, if that's not a common trope, alright. An oldie but a goodie.

Sam shook his head, "Oh- nope, not that… Aidan… this is kinda embarrassing but… can you… err… teach me something?"

And now we have quite an embarrassing ask on Sam's part, to do something that most toddlers have probably been able to do until that point.

Chapter 9

Over to Rex now, who's getting on in years. Almost certainly proof that he was more active as a Guild member in his younger days. I'm presuming that's the premise of Mercenaries of Dawn, where we see Rex in his own adventure as a younger 'mon.

Oh, so Esper was PSMD!Espurr? Lotta callbacks to the main games, huh.

"I'm eighteen." She replied, rolling her eyes. "Besides, I found pulling that trick off kind of neat." She gazed down at the Blaziken rubbing his wrist. On cue, Rex ceased. "I'm fine, I only had to punch Greg once to get him to calm down. He's tenacious that Swampert, I'll give him that." He leaned onto the desk, "I'm guessing you have kept an eye on our new guest?"

Once again, another instance where this should be two parts instead, beginning with where Rex begins speaking. The exchange in dialogue would make it clearer who's saying that second part as well.

"They're businessfolk, there is always something quiet going on behind the scenes."

Implying that there...is something going on behind the scenes? Businessfolk sure do have a knack for shortchanging their customers, and I wouldn't be surprised if Aidan's parents got to where they got to today through a fair deal of swindling.

"You know, when I took up the Guildmaster post for Robinswood, I thought it would be a nice, quiet job before retiring and looking after the kid."

Rex has a kid? As in, a child? Nice to see that passage of time.

Seems like something Not Very Good™ is going to be enforced upon the people of Robinswood which will almost certainly see society on the islands shifted about in a considerably worse way.

Meanwhile, over to Sam, who definitely hasn't mastered the art of Ember yet. We could be here a while, folks.

A headache for Aidan? Hmmm, something tells me that's not normal.

The discussion about Alice makes me wonder if she's a misunderstood, and maybe Sam will be the one that will make her turn away from the path of the grump. Either way, definitely more to her than meets the eye.

Emotions bring out the fire within - or something like that, anyway.

Looks like there's an announcement to be made - which will no doubt be that worrisome thing that Rex was poring over earlier.

Chapter 10

The biggest downside for isekaied humans in PMD worlds - being smol.

Aidan clearly needs to improve his leapfrogging skills when he's not much a climber. Think outside the box and all that.

Aaaand now that Alice is here, time for everyone's mood to go south and for arguing to break out. Good thing Sam's the peacekeeping type.

Seems like there's bad blood between Aidan and his family - I guess that would explain why he'd want to stake things out on his own and not go after the $$$ like his parents.

Sam having peacemaker vibes does further my theory that maybe he will be the one to calm Alice down and make her more amicable. Maybe she'll be a possible future team member.

Good thing Rex doesn't idle when there's pressing matters to attend to.

Oh no, whole towns being destroyed sure ain't a good thing, alright.

And to think this might well be an amped version of what was going on sixteen years ago? Doubly Not Good.

“All Exploration Teams will be reformed as Rescue Teams, with their primary focus returned back to Rescue operations. Exploration will take a much more reduced role."

Explorers stocks in shambles.

But hmmm, what's this sudden second-person POV? Probably that mysterious voice from a few chapters ago. That said, I do feel like if you are to change POVs like this, then it should be made clearer through a line break or something like that.

Strange that they're this invisible, ethereal entity. My money's on the one who brought Sam to this world.

But it appears we'll have to wait a bit longer to figure out just who they are.

Chapter 11

I see Robinswood has its own version of a Guild alarm clock in this Noibat here. I wonder if there's always a

feeling from the other Guildies if a sound-based Pokémon like Loudred or Noibat ends up as a new recruit, as if they're thinking, "Oh no, my mornings are going to be ruined from now on."

Oh shit!

In that instant, Sam's muscles relaxed, and the Scorbunny sprung upright, his head spinning around to find the sunlight shining. "Damn it, what time is it!?"

"W-What do you-"

The Froakie's eyes snapped open, the frog rolling off his bed and landing with the grace of a brick. "The trials! Shit! I forgot that was happening!” He cursed, reaching into a half open drawer for a small mechanic device, “Shit! We need to get over to the tree in about ten minutes!”

Sam threw himself off his own bed, helping prone Aidan upright. "We better get moving!"

"E…err, can I pack a bag?" Aidan moaned, shaking his head sharply.

"Who gives a shit!" Sam barked,

One too many uses of 'shit' here in this sequence. Might be better to mix it up with other words of similar impact like 'damn'.

"I… I'm…. definitely… not… used to… running… with these legs…"

I guess… that run from the barracks is a lot longer… than my… err… escape.

I suppose when you're small like Sam is, there is more distance to travel as a result. The woes of being smol continue.

The Noibat's named Nia, eh? Time to make her headcanon voice a Welsh accent, especially considering we've already got a Rex in here.

So Alice is quite strong, then? I wonder if that has any relation to her being 'cursed'.

"She'll probably leave you for dead before you know it!"

Geez guys, with all of these things you're saying about Alice, you're making her sound almost sympathetic. I'm even more certain there's a softer side to her, or another side that we're not hearing about thanks to these guys' prejudice about her.

I presume that since these are islands we're on, that there'll be a sea port and Sam will travel on a ship at some point afterward.

I'm not sure whether Broken Woods dividing itself into three smaller Mystery Dungeons is a good thing or not. Since yes, that does mean Sam and Aidan will have an easier time, but on the other, the Mystery Dungeons breaking down implies a sense of instability, which could be worrying in the future when it could well get worse. Just what'll happen to the ferals within, and the land taken over by the Mystery Dungeons?

And now Sam's here to ask another question that a younger 'mon would be able to answer in a heartbeat.

Conclusion

But I guess we'll have to wait until next time to figure out how that question's gonna be answered.

I enjoyed getting back into this fic after so long away from it. It feels quite close in feel to the canon PMD games, and seeing as how it's an extension of the canon PMD world with the newly formed islands in the world, that would make sense that it steers closer to canon than the original setting. Especially since there are outright confirmed characters from the days of Rescue Team, like Jack, as well as Rex who's heavily implied to be the Rescue Team hero (at least that's my presumption). This new setting of Robinswood builds on something new with its setting, yet familiar all the same.

One point of praise I have is that the chapters are nice and short. Very digestible, and that does make for easy reading and getting through chapters, knowing that they're not too long and thus it won't take too much of an effort to read them.

I am curious where some character arcs are going to head. The most intriguing one to me is Alice, with how she's written off as a curse by just about everyone and acts out against them in an aggressive, distrusting manner. Yet I'm hedging my bets that Sam might be able to make her cold side thaw a bit and make her more approachable, after which there could be some big apology for her from everyone in the Guild who mistreated her. Or maybe not - maybe she won't learn her lesson, she'll end up striking out on her own and become allied with the Big Bad of this fic, whoever they might be. Then there's also Aidan, who I'm willing to bet will have some confrontational arc with his snooty parents who will visit the islands at some point to try and persuade him to come home. And finally, I'm willing to bet that Rex is the human from Rescue Team, and will have some kind of "I know what it's like" moment to Sam, where he fully explains his story, what he's been through, and what being a human typically means for this world. Seeing as how this is quite Rescue Team-related, I'm not expecting any of the other heroes to come into the picture - but I guess that remains to be seen if the other Continents will come into the picture.

One slight criticism I have is around character names. It might seem like an odd nitpick, but I do feel that some of their names are a bit...on the vanilla side of things. I have to confess that when I hear quite common English-sounding names such as 'Jack', 'Kyle', 'Greg' among most characters in a setting like this, it does take me out of things a little bit. It can feel a little odd in a fantasy setting, one separate from our world, for the characters to only have names that are quite common in our own world. Ultimately, it's not a huge deal, but I do think peering at Behind the Name for names a little more unique might be worth it. I use this site a lot for naming characters and I can't put into words how much of a godsend it's been for me as a writer. Even among the 'English' section, there's plenty of obscure and interesting names to consider. Or you could take a leaf out of Hands of Creation's book, where for every common-sounding name (Owen, Alex, Rhys), there's usually a name that's rather unique (Amia, Gahi, Anam). Given that you're many chapters into this, perhaps it's a little too late to implement it, but it was a thought I had nonetheless, and one I wished to voice.

There's some other small criticisms on the prose side of things, namely with the occasional instance of two characters speaking in the same chunk of text when grammar says to parse them apart, along with some species not being spelled properly. These are some things that an editing pass or two can solve, and they're only small issues at the end of the day.

Anyway, that's all for this review. Hopefully throughout this year I might be able to get deeper into this fic through a V-Wheel or Review Tag over at United. I enjoyed it and hope to see more. Good work, and I wish you luck with your writing going forward.

 

[StolenMadWolf]

POKÉMON MYSTERY DUNGEON
GUARDIANS OF BALANCE

EPISODE II – DARK, WONDEROUS PAST
CHAPTER XXIII – FACE TO FACE WITH A PATRON​

As Sam and Alice had started to prepare for their run on the temple, on one of the separate islands, one could just make out a distant flicker of light. For most, it would look like a distant star in the night sky. But from one specific angle, it would be blinking on and off like a makeshift lightbulb.

Atop the mountain, the light beacon was alight with flame, a few pieces of wood sheltered from both sight and the wind by a new rocky windbreak. It did have one opening however – one that was being covered on and off by a confused looking Odessa's wing. "What exactly am I saying with this… code?" she questioned, as she repeated a simple pattern of raising her wing for a second, then three seconds, then a single second again before repeating.

Standing next to her, Kaliani watched her movements. "It's SOS. Every shipmon knows it, and the Explorers guilds do as well!"

"More like everyone knows it." grumbled Denver, dragging an extra log over to the light beacon. "You sure the guild will see it from here?"

That was something that worried Kaliani. Without a focusing element, they couldn't project the beam over as vast distance. But if someone was closer, hopefully the regular signal would be enough to garner someone's attention. It had been a couple of hours since night had fallen… there was still time to-

"Wait a second…" Denver said, jabbing his rear stinger towards something in the distance. "What's that?!"

He was pointing in the direction of where they sailed from!

Kaliani spun to look, and the Chieftain lowered her wing fully to get a better look. But as Kaliani looked down the mountain side towards the water, no ship appeared. Her heart sank, "But… where-"

"Not down there!" Denver snapped, "Up there!"

This time, she looked up to find a black shape flying in their direction, it was gigantic, it's wings beating steadily as it approached. Underneath, a basket hung in it's talons, containing another bipedal shape in it's shadow.

As they approached, their forms became apparent. The flying creature was something the sailor recognised as a Corviknight, and their passenger-

"Holy shit, Rex!?" Denver shouted, his face turning red as the trio scurried over to the basket, where the Blaziken had stepped onto the gravel underfoot.

Rex raised a brow towards Denver, "Sorry I'm late." He explained, "We've been scouting around the islands to try and find the Penguin and Crow."

"Blown out of the fucking water by the pirates." Denver explained.

Rex's features darkened, eyes narrowing. "Where is everyone?" he questioned.

Odessa patiently stood to one side as Denver and Kaliani hastily summarised what had been happening, who was suspected to be where, the threat of the pirates, and finally, the current plans. Rex absorbed all that information, his brow furrowed at their words. There was a brief flicker of shock - or was it worry? – when they mentioned the pirates gunning for fire types, but the guild master managed to keep his face composed right up until they finished.

The Blaziken scratched his chin for only a second, "Then we need to move quickly." He stated, before turning towards the chieftain. "Apologies, I just needed to find out the fate of my people. Guildmaster Rex." He introduced himself, extending a hand in greeting.

"Chieftain Odessa." She replied, shaking the hand. "Your rescuers say you would be of great help to us."

"Indeed we can." Rex confirmed, "The Red Kite was preparing to depart just as I set off with Clovis." He motioned towards the Corviknight, who merely bowed his head towards the Decudieye.

"I can pass on word back to the Guild for you." The knightly bird explained.

"Just you?" Kaliani asked, "Guildmaster, does that mean…"

"I'm staying." Rex declared, rubbing his wrist as a brief flicker of flame erupted from it. "I can help co-ordinate with the Kite but first of all, I need to know exactly where Team Audacity have gone."

---

Sam and Alice were surrounded completely in darkness, sans for the glowing mural under their feet. The faint hum sounded through the air around as the lift continued to descend deeper into the temple. Sam partly wanted to approach the edge of the platform, but frankly he had no idea how far off the ground they were. Heights and all.

"How far do you think this goes?" Alice asked, trying to peer into the blackness.

Sam bit his lip, "No idea… huh… must be close."

A faint white-blue light formed around the edges of the platform, revealing four rocky pillars slowly appearing out of the darkness across on each corner. The hum started to quieten down as the lift started slowing down, sliding into a circular slot on the floor before finally fading away as the ground juddered beneath them. Sam's legs quivered as he steadied himself. The lift, still lit with the same mural, was nestled into a smaller pyramid structure itself, with only a few steps leading down to a lower floor. Down each set of steps, there was a path that ran towards what appeared to be tunnels on three sides and what the Scorbunny had to guess was another mural. Perhaps a door?

Along the walls and pillars, small, cylindrical lights flared into life. Not to different from torches judging by the flickering light contained within yet more… artificial somehow.

Sam rubbed the back of his head as he stepped forward, "Err… anybody home?!" he called out, his voice echoing throughout the chamber.

No response came.

Alice moved to join him, looking slightly miffed at him, "Do you want everyone to know we're here?" she moaned,

"Hey, just figured I'd give it a try." Sam replied. In truth, he kinda just wanted to do it. Get a sense of scale of the place. He just hoped there wasn't anything else inside the temple with them. No pirates seemed to have followed them in at least, which was convenient.

"Where do we start then?" Alice asked, cracking her knuckles. "This place is massive. Squishy didn't suggest anything?"

"No… but I do have a good guess on where to start." Sam stated, moving to walk down the steps leading towards the large mural on the wall. He tried his best to ignore his footsteps echoing across the stone floor as he approached the mural, with Alice right behind him. It seemed to be made of a trio of rings surrounding a single circular symbol. The very familiar tear and star symbol that Sam figured was the Guardian's own. He fiddled with his lips as he looked over markings surrounding the symbol, it didn't look remotely like the others he had seen upto this point.

"That looks familiar." Alice mused, moving ahead of him. In front of the mural was a small carved obelisk sticking out of the ground, marked with a smaller version of the Guardian emblem. Almost like on the elevator platf-

Sam hissed as a pulse of pain flared across his paw. Wincing, he lifted it up to find blood flowing slowly out his stinging hand, his digits already stained with the stuff. "Damn it!" the Buneary growled, hopping back over to his side and pulling out an Oran Berry. "Why the hell did you do that?"

The Scorbunny gritted his teeth as Alice tore a small chunk off the berry and rubbed it over the wound. "Well, it worked for Kain and Kaliani right?" he replied, wafting his hand to one side. "Maybe it's extra security."

Glowering back, the Buneary flicked her head towards the door. "These Guardian's better not have any more blood 'locks' through here. I'm not patching up your hand everytime you decide to cut it open."

Still feeling a faint stinging sensation across the healing paw, Sam strolled towards the obelisk. "Trust me, I'd rather not do that again." He said, feeling a little sick to his stomach as he walked towards it. Where was he… oh yes, the obelisk. It looked similar to the small rock feature that cleared the weather atop Waterfall Mountain. Perhaps it could open a passageway, like the symbol did on the elevator.

Well, let's hope that this symbol doesn't need blood too.

Gingerly, and using his unwounded hand, Sam pressed the symbol on the obelisk. Another chime rang out through the air, and with a low rumble, the rings on the wall started to rotate. Ah… so it was a door…

"I don't get it." Alice questioned, pumping her ears as a faint clunking began to work it's way through the door. "These… locks don't make any sense. I can't use them, yet you can. Then there's the whole blood thing."

It hadn't really crossed the Scorbunny's mind. "Maybe this Master ended up… I don't know, coding me into it."

"But how would he even know what to look for?" Alice replied, a final clunk reaching Sam's ears from the door. "Or even do the same for the Oracle?"

"I've got a feeling we're going to find out." Sam replied, willing a fire to kick start inside him as the door slowly began to grind itself apart open. He instinctively brought a foot back, waiting to see if anything would anything or anyone would come charging out from the otherside. But no shape emerged, leaving only a dark corridor to appear.

Together, the two rabbits crept forward towards the opening passage before them. The interior was initially dark, but as they reached the threshold and the doors ceased moving, another set of sealed torches flared into life. Unlike the others, these lights were warmer, offering a yellow glow to their surroundings.

Sam's skin tingled as he gawked at the sight inside. "Whoa…"

The corridor had a lower ceiling compared to the chamber before, albeit still towering over their heads. Pillars ran just in front of the walls themselves, but in between each one, there was a large statue that stood at least eight times their height. Each one had a distinct shape and form, albeit the one thing they had in common was they were all creatures. Like Pokemon, but far more… regal in their appearances. A complete contrast from those of the Pokemon he had seen before.

"Okay…" Sam said as he took a few tentative steps forward. "I wasn't expecting this…"

Alice frowned for a moment, only for her eyes to widen with… a flicker of wonder? "I know these!" she said, staggered.

"Huh?"

She hopped over to one of the first statues, a hulking reptilian creature, one that upon closer inspection had a few glistening red lines running through part of it. "This is Groudon, a super-ancient legendary."

A legendary? What, like Tapu Koko?

Before he could even ask again, Alice had already turned to the other side of the corridor, looking at the statue opposite, complete with blue lines and looking like some kind of fish or whale maybe? "Which makes this Kygore! The land and the ocean!"

Startled by Alice's sudden change in demeanour, Sam felt a little spring in his step as he stepped further inside. "Who are you and what did you do to my partner?" he teased.

Failing to contain her smirk, Alice rolled her eyes as she moved to join him. "Mum and Dad talked about a few of the legendaries when I was a kid… I haven't really been thinking about it until now…"

They moved towards the next set of statues, this time what appeared to be a spiky bird and a cat with massive of some kind, this time marked with yellow lines. "Zapdos… and Raikou." She said, moving onto the next pair. "Articuno and Suicune. Then Moltres and Entei." Alice let out a faint gasp, "It's… every legendary."

Sam's gut vibrated as he walked further down, looking at a pair of bipedal dragons in a solid black and white colour respectively. "Must have considered them pretty important." He replied, "I remember reading up on these two by accident. Zekrom and… Reshiram?" he asked himself. He turned, but Alice was already skipping on ahead, almost unnaturally mesmerised by the scene. The fire-type chuckled to himself, even with the danger of pirates no doubt pounding on the ceiling door, he felt himself warm up with delight at his partner's sudden cheery nature.

His smile quickly vanished from his face as he reached the next statue though, one that Alice mustn't have noticed. Another reptilian, with a mix of red, yellow and blue lines running along it's surface, a giant ring extending from it's back.

"Volcanion…" Sam coldly uttered, stepping closer to look over the doppelganger of the mythical that chased them out of Broken Wood. The same thing that nearly pressure cooked them alive.

"I, Volcanion, shall not abide by this trespass any longer! You cannot be allowed to leave with the knowledge of this place!"

Sam went cold, Hang on a second… if the Legendaries and Mythicals are represented here… and there was… his mind drifted back to the mural hidden in the depths of Broken Wood… not too dissimilar to the ones they had later come across. That down there… could… could the Guardians…

"Alice?" he called out, "I think I've got something on Volcanion."

No response. Sam's pulse quickened as he scanned back down the corridor, "Alice?"

The Buneary was staring at another statue, quite close to the end of the corridor where Sam could spot a larger chamber. Frowning, he made his way towards her, passing a few more statues along the way. His worry only gnawed at him more when he reached her side, her fists tight and her eyes cold as she stared at the statue. It was that of a bird, albeit one that lacked the same degree of flight feathers and was coloured almost completely red. In fact, from where it was positioned, it looked almost like a flying Y.

Y… Where would that-

Sam's heart missed a beat as he connected the dots. If there was one Legendary that Alice would know… especially to react this way… "Alice… is that who I think it is?"

Alice's fists tightened, "Yveltal." She quietly growled, her voice quivering. He couldn't tell if it was grief or rage.

Maybe a bit of both.

Sam looked up at the rather menacing form of Yveltal. He hadn't quite come across much regarding that Pokemon in what little he had read… but he knew enough from Alice. The same Pokemon that was under the influence of Dark Matter.

One of those that had a hand in killing her parents…

Gently, Sam rested his uninjured paw on Alice's shoulder. She didn't react, her eyes still fixed on Yveltal's statue. "Come on." He quietly urged her, "We need to keep looking."

Alice didn't say anything, but as he carefully pulled her along, she followed, tearing her eyes away from the statue as they stepped into the larger chamber beyond. It was a large, circular chamber, with a set of stairs leading up to a higher level. More statues surrounded the edge, slightly larger than before. Sam could recognise one of them straight away, a serpentine form with green outlines running along its surface. "Rayquaza. The legendary that blew up that meteor years ago." He noted. "Though… I don't really know what the big guy does otherwise. Any ideas Alice?"

"A guardian of the sky, a bit like Groudon and Kygore. I recognise a few of the others too." Alice admitted. "But I definitely don't know about this one."

Turning, he found her looking over one final statue, one positioned right at the centre of the room near the base of the stairs, even larger and more detailed than the others. Honestly, he was surprised he missed it the first time, probably being that focused on how Alice was faring. "Seems a little bit… different from the others." She added.

This new statue looked a bit like a snake, coloured a brilliant if rough green alongside a dark black. A few hexagons were visible across it's surface, four of which seem to double as eyes. From behind it's head, five dark frills rose above it. Alice is right… this one is… strange…

"Yeah… why place it here? Sure you definitely don't recognise them?"

Alice shook her head, "All the ones on Air and the well-known ones at least." She admitted, "But definitely not a big snake." She waved a hand towards the foot of the statue. "I can't read that either."

"Read?"

Sam leaned forward to inspect the base of the statue, where there was a plague written on in some kind strange text. It didn't look much like the Unown characters, or the other kinds of characters he had seen before in every day notices back at the Guild. This was more… artistic, with several lines forming distinct symbols. Four of them to be precise.

Huh… okay, what kind of langu-

The symbols blurred, distorted and started to change shape. Sam blinked and rubbed his eyes, was his vision blurring? No, it's was the characters, forming into the more familiar Unown script.

"Can you read this?" Alice asked, leaning forward to look him over.

"I… I think so." Sam replied, rubbing his eyes again as he had a closer look. A new word had formed, something he could read. "Zy… Zygarde."

"Zygarde?" Alice replied, looking over the statue.

Sam rolled the word in his mind, Zygarde… who are they? The Guardians must have found them important enough to-"

"Have a big statue of them?" finished a squeaky voice.

Out of nowhere behind them, a familiar green blob had appeared out of nowhere. Sam spun, blinking at the sight. "The hell – Squishy? What are yo-"

Alice's head swivelled, "Wha-?"

"-doing here?" Squishy finished for him, their body jiggling with delight as they hopped over towards them. "Well, technically I'm not here. I'm just a projection. Seems like this chamber has the means to do that from outside your head!"

"Sam…" Alice quietly questioned, "What's going on?"

The Scorbunny hissed softly, one of his ears dipping. "Ugh… okay, Alice. Squishy has somehow… got out of my dreams and… is standing right there."

Alice scowled at him, "I can see that!"

"I don't know-" Sam's mouth hung open, looking towards his partner, "Wait. You can see him too!?"

"For once, yeah!" Alice replied.

Squishy looked somewhat embarrassed at this, "Yeah, the technology in the Arcanum can allow for mental projections to be seen by multiple people at once. Pretty cool."

Sam scanned the room as the strange creature hopped past, approaching the statue of Zygarde. I wonder where these… projectors are being kept. I don't see anything that could do that.

"So… you two have finally got in." Squishy announced, settling themselves in front of the statue. "I'm sure you both are going to be wondering about question one… who am I exactly? How can I get in here?"

"Given you've been mucking around with my partner's head." Alice grumbled, "I think we could do with that."

Tapping his foot, Sam crossed his arms, "Squishy… you did say we'd find out who you were. So… who are you exactly?"

He was frankly done with tip-toeing around things, it was about time they started gaining answers.

Despite lacking a mouth, Sam could tell that the creature was trying to grin. "Well, you're looking right at me!"

"The fuck is he on about…" Alice quietly groaned.

Yeah… not exactly helpful.

He rubbed his eyes, scanning over Squishy's form. The green blob, the white eyes, the red hexagon… how did that even help?

Wait… hexagon.

The same one stuck inside of Squishy.

Gingerly, Sam tilted his head up towards the statue of the snake Legendary, it's hexagonal shaped eyes staring blankly forwards.

"You've figured it out." Squishy said, their voice deepening.

"Sam?" Alice asked worryingly. "Figured what out?"

No… we can't have just met another…

"Go on Sam." Squishy encouraged, "You can say it."

The Scorbunny turned his eyes down towards the green Pokemon standing underneath the snake. And when Sam finally spoke, his voice was quiet and shaky from the gravity of the name.

"…Zygarde."

Spoiler: Writer's Notes

Well, time to throw in a longer chapter than originally planned, with a pretty big and important reveal at the end... the first of a few big ones coming up within this episode that are really going to change Sam and Alice's perspectives on the wider world. So, I hope this one can get you excited for what's to come! Some of these chapters might be longer than my 2k word target for now, but that's because there is alot of ground to cover!

Looking forward to revealing what comes next!

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Older Review port
Prologue, Chapter 1 Wake Up, Chapter 2 Forward and Onwards, and Chapter 3 Shoulda seen that coming.

Hi StolenMadWolf, I’m here for an outdoor kitchen set, or commonly known as V-Wheel.

So we start out the prologue section of the first chapter by seeing a glimpse of your Pokemon world. Right now as an unnamed Continent, one with a kingdom or at least a major castle and Pokemon in some sort of organization with denoting ranks.

For Guardians of Balance we aren’t introduced to what appears to be our first main character, Sam for a bit. We do get to see some Mythical Pokemon, antagonist or protagonist causing havoc, and then pushing back. I'll be patient for a recontextualized meeting of Zarude and Zeraora.

But let's focus on Sam. Thankfully he knows what Pokémon are, and even seems to know what Trainers are. Perhaps he was a former Trainer or is from a world where he knew about them.

The first real chapter opening is standard with the whole "I'm a Pokémon" thing, which bored me for a second. However with the Rattata and Pidgey things definitely ramped up in a unique way. Poor Sam assumed he could just talk to anyone, but for a pmd protag it's usually a coin flip between the first Pokemon you meet. They’ll either be your partner or actively try to harm/belittle you.

The way you worded everything was done well. Your prose felt fine for the most part. Maybe some dialogue hiccups here and there but subjective and minor, none to the point where I had trouble.

From the glimpses we get in the prologue this society seems to border on the realm of a fantasy kingdom. It seems like Mythical and Legendary Pokemon have a higher influence on this world than just appearing as a boss battle or a deity to pray to.

I enjoyed the worldbuilding mentioning that items have a visible signifer to differentiate similar ones, like Blast Seeds and Plain Seeds. I have an inkling that this will be brought some more, and used by/against Sam and his future allies too.

For the first two chapters, nothing exactly happens. Like no named characters do much of anything in the first three chapters. Technically the pacing is actually fine. The amount of set up you have done and building blocks set up in these chapters matches the word count in my personal opinion.

If anything I don’t want to waste your time dragging this review out trying to find ways to offer advice and constructive criticism. I just think that perhaps something more interesting could happen to Sam when he wakes up.

Something that forces him to get used to or question his new body, whether it be a conflict with nature, (like a landslide or other dangerous weather) or maybe even just a conflict with society (he briefly encounters a Pokemon, wild or from a settlement and has to talk with).

Only till the very end do we get some dulled suspense and action. The Rattata and Pidgey have a beaten body behind them and attack the Scorbunny. Sam is definitely way over his head. With the way this area was written I didn't exactly realize it on the first read around- but I can't place the blame all on you. And there's a Swampert who the Scorbunny foolish tries to size up. Sam is on the path of " justice" to those who could kill him and has to book it.

I will say these do work well as introduction chapters to the more fleshed out world and story, this is a bit of a shame I don’t have time to cover where I believe the plot starts to pick up.

I hope to read and review more again soon!

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Old Review Port

Hiya Stolen Madwolf I’m here for Guardians of Balance Chapter 4 Stuff ain't what its made up to be.

Here again for Review tag

Boy oh boy does this chapter really pick off from last time.

Sam has quite the interesting start for a pmd protag, but it is a well welcomed one, being attacked by dangerous outlaws right off the back.

I will say the chase scene here though while it has good intentions I think some of the word choices for the Scorbunny’s movements, and thoughts may have hampered the chapter. The wording often made everything a bit passive and slower. “Would have done xyz” or “Tried to abc” are the frequent offenders.Despite this the dialogue is good. We can get the tension back up from back and forths, and little comments pretty well.

The Swampert, Rattata, and Pidgey are not quite coordinated, but it doesn’t matter as they have more natural skill and strength. Tensions ran fast and high as Sam got caught.

While quick the descriptions of the knockout attack and the sensations after I feel like there's something missing.

They even offer Sam a position into their ranks instead of immediately killing him. This allows the audience to get another good look at his morals and personality.

The real fun part was when the Blaziken, Scyther, and Gallade trio rescued Sam. The flow of the sentences worked really well for the action.


After it seems like its over the Scorbunny gets to fire off a real attack and we see the real will of his determination. Really liked that, it's simple but great.


If there's any other mild issues I had was the epithet usage, “water-type” and “the bird” creeping up a little too much, yes these enemies don't have given names to use but I'd recommend just using their Pokémon species.


Of course this chapter is probably a few years old at this point so everything I mention is just to keep in mind, (or you already know, if which sorry)


The fic being in 3rd person limited is good but too much is telling us everything Sam felt, maybe a little space here and there to see it in between would be nice.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

 

[Kiba Makuro]

Howdy there StolenMadWolf, I'm back for more Guardians of Balance with V-Wheel.

This time I'm covering Chapter 5, Bedside Manners, Chapter 6 Robinswood, Chapter 7 Happy Frog, Angry Rabbit, and Chapter 8 Opportunities.


As I’m doing this review of the four chapters together, it’ll most likely be in general strokes and out of order.

Spoiler: Actual Review

If anything, these set up a slightly more typical opening, as Sam learns about healing, tries to figure out his starting place in Robinswood, gets a glimpse at some Pokemon he’ll be interacting with at the Guild, and then manages to get a partner. And all it took was some abuse, walking, and more abuse.

Right off the back I have something to mention, it’s not a good look for the first named female characters Sam meets are stereotypically bitchy and rude. While Rebecca and Alice have different reasons, one of which is just straight up told, while the other could be implied. This seems to be a semi-infrequent problem with writers, either rude as hell or just mother/love interest female characters. I suppose they may border on Tsundere but not everyone means to do that.

To give you credit, the first male characters were also assholes to Sam, however they were/are the baddies pure evil. I guess when doing dark, we either have mean circumstances plot wise, with or without the characters, and it’s easier to do it with hate-sinks, and jerks than near-impassable mountains and what not. Though you can have a dark world without half of the characters introduced early on being mean. Drama is more exciting, and these chapters are a few years old, so you’ve definitely got more characters to show, who won’t be grating on first blush.

Sorry if that came off really harsh, but it’s just something a little hard to ignore when the ladies, when they basically get two chapters of their own, compared to chiller dude chapters.

Anyway let's talk about something way more positive, the readability, reading Guardians of Balance is very easy. Short bite sized paragraphs, decent “paintings” of certain locales, and the talks rarely, if ever drag. The chapters being broken up into small, clearly sectioned off pieces, can also encourage more reading. Even if others may use that against you, with the bare minimum. Though it wouldn’t hurt to place some of the smaller parts with a bigger chapter.

Though the chapters do feel a bit empty at times, like the talking heads phenomenon, characters' conversations are all that matters. I think only really getting Sam’d thought’s, and just reactions/ not active actions from everyone else hurts a tad. Body language is usually kept to nods, and lacks a bit of that xenofiction- my characters aren’t human oufthm, bunnie’s nose twitching, foot stomping, moving bubbles, or preening feathers. It doesn’t have to be in every line of course but it could help spice things up. It’s funny because you show off the more Pokemon side of characters, but only when they are upset or fighting, at least in these four chapters. It’d be nice to see them elsewhere, though avoiding too much filler seems to be your style.

Like I mentioned earlier, when you stop to describe the background, or a new location we can usually get a good feel for how it looks, and would be in real life. Clear prose, while not being too literal is nice. But some more imagery, and spreading this out a little more would be nice.

I know others have said it, but the Sea of Wonders being the the area Robinswood is located is pretty cool, not many fics tackle canon in this way. Being heavily post-canon but maintaining its own solid identity is solid. The whole deal with explaining the TalonKnight’s was nice- we love ourselves some later gen birdmon was fun. Pelipper needs to sit in the corner with mainline pmd. We didn’t need a long explanation and we didn’t get one, short, sweet and succinct. In my opinion, we didn’t need one yet, but I can see other readers immediately wishing for any bits of new lore.

As for lore, with how small these chapters are, and the fact that we are still in our pseudo-tutorial area the most we are getting is just on the formation of Robinswood, and some vague bickering about Team stuff, and the hints of a new othering “what makes one a freak here?”. We end off getting some time frames, Red Rescue Team (iirc) took place about fifteen years ago in your world, and would you look at that some lore to the left aside Sand Continent from Super, that’s great.

At least we end this chapter on a solid note, Aiden has recruited Sam so they can have their own Exploration Team. Though I know Alice gets involved, so I’m wondering how that ends up occurring, since she definitely wouldn’t want to join them if they just asked her. Perhaps we’ll see more of the Guild, and Robinswood in the next few chapters.

See you then!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

]Heya, blowing some dust off this one since Review Event's going on on Diner, and one of my goals was to try and both check out stories that I didn't get as far in as I'd have hoped during TR's Review Blitz this year, and pay things forward to people who've reviewed me sometime in the past year. This story ticked off both boxes, so let's just go ahead and jump back in with…

Chapter XVII

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Sam could only scream as he fell into the Abyss, the light of day rapidly fading away into darkness. His mind ran on autopilot, running the same words like a constant loop through his mind.

Oh hey, there's a gif for this:

I'm gonna die.

Well aren't you just Mr. Positivity right now, Sam? :V

Even with in his panic, his fear… a part of him was bracing for the inevitable impact, for each of his bones to break in an instant.

That was when he saw it. Rushing towards him from above. So faint and so fast that he barely registered it. The Skarmory, Emrys? No, it was too ghostly, completely the wrong shape.

It flooded his vision… a hand reaching out as a scream, not his own, pierced the air…

Aidan: "Yeah, no. Just saying there's like 20 more chapters to this thing, so there's no way that we just bit it there." >_>;

He awoke to find his entire body throbbing. Every bit of his skin, every inch of muscle pulsed with a soft, prickly pain as if he had walked through a field of thorns.

Firstly, he noticed it was more annoying than painful.

Secondly, he realised he was still alive.

inb4 Sam really is in a field of thorns right now

Sam's eyes slowly flickered open, a groan escaping his lips. Reddish-grey rocks dominated his view, clustered around a black pit that seemed to continue on to the depths of the world… no… back to the surface. He was on his back.

How… how am I alive?

Beats me. But hey, if it's good enough for the Gates protagonist, you probably shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth here.

Wincing, Sam slowly pushed himself upright into a sitting position and began to scan himself over. He was bruised, and his back ached like nobodies' business, but he wasn't in pieces at the very least.

The image of that ghost, that hand reaching out… it came right back to his mind. W-what was that? Did it save me? Maybe it-

I'm actually wondering if it'd have made sense to have included a bit more detail for that "ghost and hand" thing that happened earlier, since we don't even know the color or general shape of whatever kept Sam from becoming street pizza.

Then the realisation hit him. If he made it down [ ] – the Scorbunny leapt back out to his feet, teeth gritted as his body throbbed in protest.

"Aidan!" he shouted.

Sam found himself surrounded by more red-grey boulders, some of which looked particularly sharp and jagged as they pointed up towards the sky. It was also then did Sam also felt the heat of this place. It wasn't uncomfortable, but he could physically feel the sweat beginning to build up.

I would suggest hacking this paragraph up a bit. Though it might make sense to be a bit more explicit about whatever it is that Sam had a realization about Aidan there. Like is he worried that Aidan just fell to his death, or...?

Also, just how hot is this place right now if Sam as a Fire-type is just straight-up sweating at the moment?

But regardless of his scanning around, there was no sign of Aidan. [ ]

"Aidan!" he bellowed, blowing out his lungs out of air in the process, hoping against hope that his friend was somewhere nearby. But Aidan didn't respond.

Instead, another voice screamed from the rubble, "H-Hey! I-Is someone down here?!"

Sam felt a weight shift off his shoulders [ ], Bruce?

I kinda wonder if you show a bit more of Sam's thought process off here, both in showing off where his mind's going for what he thinks is happening with Aidan, and more of that "... waaaaait a minute" as he realizes that he's hearing Bruce's voice.

Sam started to run towards the source, only to nearly cry out as another jolt of pain ran through the whole of his body. Tightening his fists, he transitioned into a jog, and made his way through the boulders.

In a clearing at the edge of the field, a bruised Bruce was eying the field with worried red eyes. And alongside him, was the seemingly okay, but very panicky looking Nia, the bat-Pokémon spinning round on the spot in mid-air, desperately searching herself. Bruce's eyes widened as Sam emerged.

"S-Sam!?" the Bulbasaur cried. "Are you alright?!"

Couple small tweaks that I'd recommend here since: A: You just introduced a second "he" in the last paragraph, so it probably makes sense to be more explicit that you're referring to Sam. B: Bruce's line likely works better split off from the preceding paragraph of description.

Nia spun round, her voice shrill but thankfully restrained in volume, "You're hurt!"

Sam waved a hand, brushing it off as he reached for his pouch, looking for the spare oran berry he had picked up before climbing into the dungeon.

"It's better than it looks, what about you two?"

Those two are this bugged over some bruises? From the way that they were reacting, I almost thought that Sam had open cuts on his body before going back and double-checking what was described of his condition.

"We're fine!" Nia snapped; all signs of her former bubbliness now eradicated. "But I can't find Dan or Alice anywhere!"

Ah yes, that's totally a good sign there. /s

"And I have no idea where my team is either." Bruce growled, stomping the ground beneath his feet. "One minute we'll just going through this room, the next the floor opened up beneath us! What the hell happened?!"

"Earthquake," Sam confirmed, gritting his teeth, "Aidan and I managed to get up to the summit, but then the quake hit."

Bruce: "Boy, literally everything's going wrong with this mission, huh?" .-.
Sam: "Gee, why don't you just go ahead and jinx us harder there?" >_>;

Bruce blinked, "So… does that this is another part of the dung-"

"Bruce." Sam interrupted, shaking his head, "I think the dungeon is gone."

Okay, not that that wouldn't explain a thing or two about how catastrophically the ground fell out from under everybody, where is Sam getting this idea right now? Does he even have a frame of reference for Mystery Dungeons abruptly imploding? It might be worth showing off a bit more of his thought process a little earlier about how Sam puts two and two together about what on earth just happened to them.

[ ]

The Bulbasaur shuddered, looking over the cavern they found themselves in with a nervous and resigned eye. "Y-yeah… I think you're right. Those walls didn't really look good…"

It probably makes sense to show off a bit more of these walls and their state since I couldn't get a solid bead on why Bruce was freaking out so much without their status being described.

"Can we stop talking about this place and please focus on FINDING OUR FRIENDS!" Nia screeched.

Sam cried out, clutching onto his ears as the amplified cry clawed at his eardrums. The crackle of rocks cracking against rock walls loud enough to somehow reach his ears anyway.

"For the love of-" Bruce snapped, spinning round on the bat Pokémon with burning red eyes, "Do you want to bring the place down on us!?"

Nia: "Er... ooops. Look, my point still stands right now!" o_o;

Nia rapidly shook her head, a look of shock evident. "S-Sorry, but we can't just sit here and-"

"Alright enough!" Sam barked, stunning the two other Pokémon into silence as they turned towards him. Rearing back, Sam took in a breath, feeling his body aching that bit less. "Right now, we need to work out a way out of here and get help… and hopefully find everyone else on the way."

I kinda feel this underlined part should be expanded a bit. e.x. Nia having a shocked moment and then getting a bit apologetic or something afterwards. Since this feels a bit abrupt at the moment.

Bruce and Nia shared a glance between each other, the anger and concern visibly simmering down before they could finally share a nod. Sam let out a sigh [ ].

"Alright… let's see…"

He rose up onto his toes and began to scan the area around them, searching for any potential exit. The last thing they needed was to find that the only way out was straight up. Only Nia had a decent chance of probably heading up that way, but with the memory of Emrys getting blasted by that superhot steam fresh on his mind… even that wasn't certain.

I would suggest hacking this paragraph into parts arrayed around Sam's line, and expanding the "Sam let out a sigh" part to show off some body language or something. e.x. perhaps mentioning him in the process of getting up or something.

Thankfully, he eyed the mouth of a tunnel built into one side of the craggy chamber they found themselves in. It was dark and ominous, but at this point, it seemed like it was their only path forward.

"There." Sam declared, pointing at the opening, "We'll just have to make sure we keep climbing up."

[ ]

"It's b-better than sticking here for sure…" Nia replied, clearly nervous.

Bruce meanwhile, took a moment to stare at the opening for a couple of seconds, mind deep in thought before he turned back towards Sam.

"Sounds like a plan, lead the way!"

Some more paragraphs that I think should be reformatted to separate out the description from the dialogue portions a bit more. It might also be worth dropping in some description of Bruce and Nia's reaction and/or body language a bit since it kinda vibes like they're meant to pause a bit before speaking up, but it doesn't come through due to a lack of words in between.

It was now Sam's turn to hesitate, glancing between the two Pokémon who were now looking up – and down – to him. Suddenly being thrown in charge wasn't exactly what he wanted, but the realisation quickly wormed its way in. They had no time to debate this, not if they wanted to get to the surface or find the others.

If I could survive the fall… then surely Aidan would have had to have made it!

Rubbing his hands together, Sam nodded sharply. "Alright, follow me!"

Oooookay, now you've got me worried that not everyone's going to make it out of this chapter alive, Sam. Since this is tempting fate right now, and this story does get pretty deep into

territory sometimes as a reminder that thar be monsters around.

The good news was that this place wasn't another Mystery Dungeon. It seemed that the earthquake had completely broken apart the third Broken Wood dungeon.

Well, at least they won't be succumbing to Dungeon Madness like Zeke did anytime soon? So silver linings? ^^;

The bad news was it was a damn maze. The trio moved through rocky tunnels and small chambers at a slow but steady pace, trying to make their way forward. Each of these should have naturally been dark, if not for the soft red glow radiating from cracks in the floor and occasionally the walls. Sometimes the path they would take would offer some progress, allowing them to rise up to the surface. At others, they would walk down one tunnel only to find their path blocked with a pile of rubble. No one wanted to try and clear a path, less they cause another – lethal – cave in in the process.

And It wasn't just the signs of potential magna that were a problem, it was the steam too. Every so often, a puff of stream would erupt from one of the cracks. They weren't being fired off with the same force as Sam had previously seen, but that could change all too quickly and he wasn't keen to find out.

This paragraph appears chunky enough that it's probably worth dividing things up into two smaller ones, especially since it's very doable with a minor tweak to the "And it wasn't [...]" part.

Sam could almost taste the tension and the fear in the air. Nia was still twitching, 'jumping' in mid-air at the slightest noise, be it from the steam or rock chinking on rock. Bruce looked a bit steadier. At first glance anyway. His eyes were constantly flicking towards the cracks surrounding them. Sam could only imagine the grass-type's fear. Out of the three of them, Bruce probably had the most to worry about magma bursting free into the caves.

Small typo there. Though I'm honestly a little surprised that Bruce isn't at risk of heatstroke right now considering how the temperature is high enough that Sam's sweating. So you'd think that'd be utterly miserable and likely not particularly healthy for a Grass-type.

As for the Scorbunny himself, he managed to bottle his fear up the best he could. Nearly getting killed a few times in short succession could do that. But even so, his concern for the others formed into a solid lump in his throat. Where was Aidan? Did he fall into another cavern? What about Alice and Dan? Or Edward and Denver? Or the rest of Bruce's team?

What about Emrys? Were they taken out by a blast of steam or were they still flying out there? And what about Esper's team? Could they have got-

He clenched his fists, trying to focus on the task at hand and failing. Damn it, where are they?

Yeeeeeah, you're really starting to convince me that not everyone's going to make it out alive of this chapter at this rate. Just saying.

They started down another tunnel, climbing higher up towards a four-way junction directly ahead of them. [ ]

"H-How big is this place?" Nia asked worryingly, her eyes drifting back the way they came. "You don't think… that it could be that place that Edward talked about?"

Sam glanced over at her, "The dungeon with those Guardians?"

You probably need some added description about Bruce and especially Nia's body language and reaction in order to better tee things up for Nia speaking.

"Y-yeah! We are under Broken Wood… what's left of it…"

"That's just a story." Bruce grumbled, grinding his teeth. "This place doesn't like a dungeon either."

You sure about that given that you just got to a four-way intersection, Sam? Since just saying, legends have a disconcerting tendency to turn out to be true in Pokémon settings.

"Maybe this is what's left of it." Sam mused.

[ ]

"I kinda doubt tha-"

As they reached the junction, a red shape dashed out of the corridor to their right. The lumpy head swivelling round towards them, eyes bloodshot. A Magby. With Nia and Bruce gasping over his shoulder, Sam dragged his foot back and letting the surge of heat run over. He could only hope the others would get back behind him.

Bruce: "Ooookay, nevermind, maybe we really are in a Mystery Dungeon right now!"

The Magby stumbled back, nearly tripping on a stone and tumbling over. Its entire body quivered, the magna Pokémon panting with puffs of hot air. That was when Sam realised it wasn't angry at all.

It was terrified.

Oh, well that's definitely different there. Though that makes me wonder if that's what was going through Zeke's head when he jumped Sam and Aidan a couple chapters ago.

The Pokémon snarled as Sam reached out with a cautious hand, confirming its Feral nature as it tried to pick itself up. A green vine snapped forward past the Scorbunny, letting out a sharp crack not to dissimilar to a whip. Letting out a squeal, the Magby turned and bolted down one of the other corridors, scurrying away into the dark.

A heavy sigh escaped Bruce as his vine retracted back into his bulb. "Phew, I thought we're going to get fried…"

Sam: "Um... is it normal for ferals to be scared out of their minds in places like these?" .-.
Nia: "Wait, they have minds?"

The concern in Nia's voice only grew ever more prevalent. "B-But why did it run? I know it's only young but it's still dangerous."

Sam's heart was already hardening as stared down the path that the Magby had originally came from.

"Maybe it was running from something else…"

Bruce + Nia:

Sam: "... Yeah, we really need to find the others and get out of here."

He could only hope that it was running from a crumbling cave, and not a larger, more dangerous Pokémon hiding down there.

It's going to be the second, I can already tell.

That was when the scream rushed in from directly ahead of them, Bruce automatically taking a step back as Nia herself cried out in surprise. But Sam's ears swivelled towards the source, and as if on autopilot, they began to catch the details of said scream.

"…hit! You're going to crush my legs!"

I think that you're missing a 'when' in your first paragraph there, since it makes quite a bit more sense after adding one.

"I've got to move the boulder so we can pull you out!"

[ ]

Denver! Edward!

"You're not one trapped!" Denver barked.

It probably makes sense to have Sam spend a bit more time realizing "oh, that's who's saying this" + giving a gentle reminder as to Denver and Edward's species, since... uh, I'll admit that I kinda drew a blank on who they were at first, even if Denver's obviously having a bad time right now.

Another voice spat in response, "Shut it! Struggling ain't helping!"

Alice!

"You shut up, Alice! You're not helping either!" Edward snapped.

Ah yes, I see that Alice being the unfavorite is causing problems again. Since boy is this just what everyone needed while trying to free someone presumably pinned under rocks.

Sam spun towards the others, backing up into the central tunnel, "I can hear the others! They're right up ahead!"

In that instant, Bruce and Nia's eyes brightened, the two breaking out into a run behind the Scorbunny as he led the way ahead. The scurried deeper into the tunnels, only stopping for Sam to work out the direction of the voices before pushing onwards.

They found them within another chamber, one that could have been mistaken as a larger tunnel at first glance. However, the opening at the far end was not the only break in the walls. Faint white beams of light fell through the ceiling, pushing away the red glow from the walls and the floor and replacing it with a more natural set of lighting.

Must be getting closer to the surface.

I mean, good thing that you have a flier who can go up and scout this out, huh? Even if I'm not convinced at all that things are going to be that easy, Sam.

The others were gathered in the middle of the chamber, the Yanma and Ducklett were the closest, the latter wincing as they held onto one wing. "My team!" Bruce cheered in undiluted relief, sprinting towards them. Nia shot off after him, no doubt looking for Dan.

Sam meanwhile slowed as he approached, looking past the rest of Team Forest. A large boulder rested at one side of the tunnel, where standing alongside it was Alice and Edward, eyes fixed onto it.

Denver was sprawled out at the edge of the boulder on the floor, his face wrinkled with pain as his tail slapped on the ground like a drumstick. Peering over the Skourpi's body, Sam could only wince. The bug type's legs was hidden from view, underneath the boulder.

Um... yeah, I'm going to heavily take the under on Denver doing any more missions in the near future. Potentially ever.

Aidan and Dan however, were nowhere to be found. "Shit." Sam uttered, pushing aside his concern and fears for the two missing Pokémon as the need to help Denver became more apparent, sprinting towards the Pokémon gathered by the boulder. "What the hell happened here!?"

"What do you bloody think!?" Denver roared, tail slamming down with even more force.

Edward barely glanced over his shoulder, "Aftershock shook the boulder loose, landed on Denver. We only just managed to get Callum's wing out, but I can't shift the boulder."

He grunted as pressed his head against the rock and tried to push it, his hooves scraping against the stone floor. Denver cried out with a hiss, the boulder refusing to move.

Wait, which one of those other two is Callum, again? Since how on earth is his wing not obviously broken from having a boulder land on it? Unless we're just going "Pokémon durability" right now.

Alice crouched down; eyes fixed on the point where the big rock was resting on Denver's legs. "I only need a little bit of a gap, and I can pull him out."

[ ]

"No no!" Denver barked, shaking his head vigorously, "Don't let this bitch touch me! She probably caused this!"

Probably makes sense to show a bit more of Denver's reaction before he pipes up.

Alice: "Wow, okay, asshole. You know what? Fine. Stay trapped under that rock."

"I'm one of those trying to get you out of this, dipshit!" Alice snarled.

"Can we not get in a fight again!?" Sam snapped, stepping up alongside the Skiddo, "Look, I'll help push." He glanced back over his shoulder towards the others, "Can someone help us with this!?" he shouted.

... Which one is the Skiddo again? Since that wasn't communicated earlier. ^^;

Bruce's head snapped round, the Bulbasaur standing next to his hurt teammates, "S-sure! Give me a second!"

Once Bruce had got on over, the three Pokémon leaned against the boulder at the ready. "On three. Alice, get ready to pull him out." Sam said, pressing his shoulder against the warm stone.

[ ]

"Got it." Alice replied, grabbing hold of Denver's side and tail.

"Alright… One. Two… three!"

I'm honestly surprised that Denver didn't need more coaxing here considering how he just straight-up didn't want Alice to touch him just a couple paragraphs ago and now isn't making much of a fuss.

Grunting, Sam threw his entire weight against the boulder, his entire body straining as his shoulder squished itself against the object. Edward and Bruce's groans rumbled down his ears as first the boulder resisted… and then began to move. Shoulder throbbing, Sam let out a pained cry as he pushed harder.

"Almost… ugh! I've got him!"

Sam jerked himself back, a faint thud being emitted as the stone rolled back into place. Edward was already by Denver's side, the Skorupi crying out as he tried to stand, his legs incredibly still intact, if severely bruised. His body quivered, and suddenly collapsed back into a heap.

"I-I can't walk…" Denver gasped, shivering.

Yeeeeeah, I had a feeling that that was going to be serious. Though on the positive side, nobody's dead at the moment-?

Alice: "Correction, nobody's dead yet."

Denver: "Oi, will you shut up already?! We all know this was your fault somehow!"

"You'll be fine." Alice stated coldly, "An Oran berry will help for now."

[ ]

"He'll still need treatment." Edward pointed out with a glare, helping Denver up to his feet.

Sam moved to help them, lifting up Denver from the other side.

[ ]

"Has anyone seen Aidan?"

"What about Dan!?" Nia cried out, touching down near the Team Forest members.

I think that you need a bit more description in this section since there's quite a bit going on, and the topic of conversation is jumping around wildly. Like even if the idea is that everyone's talking over each other, you ideally want to frame that a bit more by establishing Sam's mood or whatever's going through his mind before he gets talked over.

Edward grunted as he lowered Denver down to the ground near the injured Ducklett. "I saw Aidan about twenty minutes ago." He explained with a wary tone, "We heard Dan's voice coming from down there."

The goat jabbed his head in the direction of the other exit from the chamber, further down. "Aidan went on ahead to try and find him. That was five minutes before the aftershock hit us."

Oh yeah, that's totally positive-sounding... not. Even if I don't think this story would be ballsy enough to just flatly kill off a character that important.

Sam could only slump with relief, feeling that last heavy weight lift off. Aidan was alive. Alive and mobile. But he felt that smaller, but still prominent feeling of dread as he looked down towards that tunnel. Wondering what lay beyond. Was Dan trapped down there? What was Aidan walking into? Nia was already drifting past the border, her eyes fixed on the entrance. He looked back towards Edward.

"Have you heard anything back from [ ]-"

"No. We haven't." Alice said, coming up next to them.

The shake of the Skiddo's head only confirmed that.

Sam: "But I didn't even get to finish-!"

Alice: "Sam, we've been here this entire time. Just how much do you think we've heard back from anyone outside this chamber?" >_>;

More seriously, I think that you should at least make it a bit clearer if Sam's talking about Aidan or Dan there.

His concern only growing further, Sam took one final glance at the tunnel, trying to work out a plan of attack before directing his gaze back up towards the openings in the ceilings. They were dark shafts that ran straight up towards little pinpoints of light near the top.

"I've tried shouting to get someone's attention." Alice explained, all the anger or distantness gone from her voice. "Not exactly had much luck though."

[ ]

"It means we're close to the surface at least… all we need is for someone just to look down here."

It kinda feels like there's something missing in terms of a reaction or thought process on Sam's part there after Alice's line. Whether that's internal thought process or something else.

As he turned round, Alice had narrowed her eyes.

"Good luck with that." She stated, "I caught a glimpse of the outside, the quake was going off outside of the dungeon too. We've got no idea what state Broken Wood is in."

Oh yeah, that's a positive sign. At this rate, Robinswood will have turned out to have burned down.

[ ]

"Way to put a damper on things Alice." Bruce grumbled, strolling past back towards his team and earning a thinly veil glare from the Buneary.

"No point in trying to sugar-coat this bloody mess." She countered, jerking her head to the shafts. "A couple of holes in the ground aren't going to catch much attention."

The Bulbasaur stopped in his tracks and spun around on her, baring a pair of little fangs, "Well, what's your plan then, witch?" he snapped, "Most of us can't climb up that! You want to try it? Wave a little flag whilst you're up there?"

Wow, Bruce, just wow. Also, seriously, you have a flier with you right now who can get up there.

"I'm good at hopping up gradients, not sheer walls."

[ ]

Hell, we can't start fighting now of all times!

Sam stepped in between the two, "Even if me or Alice could climb up the shafts, we don't know how far we'd have to go. One wrong move and…"

Another spot where some expansion to show those two getting heated or Sam's thought process would likely be worthwhile.

He let the words hang in the air, but not before another thought slipped into his mind. "Wait… we've got flyers, can't they fly up?"

Sam: "... Why on earth did none of us think of this earlier?"

Edward: "Look, in our defense, we were busy trying to get Denver out from that boulder." >_>;

"I wouldn't count on Filip to get up there." Edward replied, motioning with his head towards the Yanma.

Sam hadn't paid much attention to him at first, but now he could make note of the dragonfly's face. His eyes seemed glazed over, his pupils fixed on the far wall and his wings were quivering up and down rhythmically. Even if a Yanma could make it up, he wasn't going to do it in that state.

Ah yes, that bug's seen some stuff since the ground collapsed. Though I'll take the under on him still working in the guild by the end of the week.

That left…

"No! I want to stay here!"

Sam: "Oh for crying out loud..."

Nia had finally recovered enough to face them again, shaking her head and holding her little hands together. "I want to look for Dan!"

[ ] Bruce was wondering back towards them, his eyes flicking up towards the shafts.

"Err… That's not really a good idea Alice, maybe we should just hang on, maybe find another way-"

"Nia is the only one who can get up there." Alice said firmly, crossing her arms, "And she'll be able to call for help."

[ ]

Edward sighed, "She has a point…"

A couple spots where IMO you should expand things a bit with some description or inner thought processes. Also, while "attention" is technically not wrong in Alice's line, I kinda wonder if "help" would've been better-used there.

"No!" Denver shouted, eyes widening in blind panic. "She'll do anything to split us up!"

Alice: "I'm sorry, but what the hell is your brilliant plan here? To just sit here forever beneath the very easily missable holes to the outside world?!" >.<

Nia's head meanwhile dipped down, "But Dan… I need to find him… if he's hurt…"

The Buneary's features seemed to soften, turning away as if to hide that softening expression. When she spoke, there was a faint quiver in her voice.

"I'll look for him."

Denver: "Well, he's doomed-"
Alice: "Oh my gods, shut up, Denver!"

The Noibat's head snapped back up, "W-What?"

Shaking her head, Alice turned to her, her voice [ ]. "I'll look for him for you. I'll bring him out of there."

I think that you're missing some words in this second paragraph, since there's an abrupt end to one of the sentences that looks like something was meant to go there.

[ ]

"Dang it, don't listen to her Nia!" Denver ranted, trying to rise to his feet only to collapse again. A flash of alarm flickered across Edward's face. "Denver…"

Alice frowned, "I'm not going to-"

"Not a chance you damn witch!" Denver cursed.

Sam: "Denver, with all due respect, you really need to sit down and shut up for a while. Don't you have some bigger problems to worry about at the moment like how you're not able to walk?" >_>;
Denver: "You don't understand, Sam, she's literally a living jinx!"

Bruce seemed conflicted, glancing between the three, "I don't know… if we start splitting up now… especially with… ugh…"

Sam was already beginning to sense the tension. The fear rise up around him. If they keep threatening to fall into a fight again, they might as well have been dead.

For fuck’s sake, why do I have to keep pulling everyone back together?!

Denver: "Technically, we could just boot Alice and keep her away from us-"
Alice: "I literally just suggested that and wanted to go and look for Dan!"

Thankfully for Sam, his response to all this was obvious. Especially so since it wasn't just Dan down there… but Aidan too.

"I'll go with Alice."

With the exception of Filip, the group collectively looked his way, the Scorbunny stepping up alongside Alice.

"Aidan's down there too, besides, me and Alice will be able to cover most of the ground down there to find him and Dan. Everyone else can hunker down here whilst Nia flies up and tries to find Esper or… well… anyone."

Denver: "Whelp, it's your funeral. Have fun with that one."
Sam: "I'd just like to remind that 'acting like a giant dick' is usually a trick among authors to get their readers not to feel bad about characters that are about to have something terrible happen to them."

Alice turned towards him, a scrawl widening across her face. "I don't need help on this-"

"Look around you, Alice!" Sam snapped, waving an arm around the room, "You're going to need all the help you can get. You don't know what's down there." He let his voice get a little bit quieter, not enough to be a whisper but quiet nonetheless. "Let me help you."

He's crushing on her, isn't he? :V

She stiffened, a faint growl coming forth as if trying to scare him off. But Sam held his ground, and the Buneary let out a little groan. "Fine."

Satisfied, he turned towards Nia, "Think you can fly up there?"

Nia seemed to relax a bit at the prospect of someone looking for her friend, some of her fear drifting away and her old perkiness beginning to resurface.

"O-Okay! I-I can do that. Just please… find Dan, you two, okay?"

Well, I guess we're not reuniting with Aidan and Dan this chapter. Might explain a thing or two about how the next chapter's noticeably on the chunkier side relative to prior ones.

Sam pulled a thin smile, giving a sharp nod, "We will."

Sam: "... (Boy am I hoping that I'm not jinxing myself right now.)"

Denver closed his eyes, shaking his head and looking away and drawing Edward's attention away from the discussion. Bruce seemed ready to debate otherwise. A little bit of a flicker of disgust perhaps? But then the reptile shook his head and finally turned away.

"I'll keep everyone else here. Don't get yourselves killed."

inb4 there's another aftershock and everyone in the chamber dies. Since just saying, it does feel like they're tempting some serious fate right now.

On cue, Nia flew up towards one of the shaft entrances, holding onto it with her claws as she looked down on the others.

"S-Stay safe." And with that, she entered the shaft and began her ascent.

Sam turned towards Alice, crossing his own arms. She flashed a cold, hard glare at him.

"Can you ever take a hint?"

He flashed a little smirk, "I'm a bit of a stubborn bastard."

Sam: "Wouldn't be alive and here to talk to you if I wasn't-"
Alice: "Yeah, yeah, whatever-" >_>;

Alice huffed back at him… though he couldn't tell if Alice was frustrated or amused. "Don't try and be a hero." She stressed.

"As long as you don't punch my lights out."

That earned him a little chuckle. "Then let's go."

Alice began to hop down towards the tunnel, and Sam jogged alongside her, headed once more back into the depths.

Ah yes, I see we're ending on a suspenseful note there. Though I suppose that's one way to keep your audience coming back for more.

Alright, made it to the end. I'll admit that the chapter was a bit slower-paced than I was expecting since we're basically just dealing with the aftermath of a quite-literal shakeup and watching the dust settle, but you did a good job at maintaining a sense of tension throughout things. Once again, the darker undertones of this story reared their head since... yeah, I can already tell that Denver's not going to be walking again anytime soon, and the rest of the group's in a very precarious situation where they literally are struggling just to not infight with each other. But I suppose that that's always been a part of this story's draw.

Criticisms-wise, I saw a number of typos scattered about the chapter that are probably worth taking some time to step through and iron out. There were also some paragraphs whose formatting I wasn't a super fan of, mostly particularly large ones or else ones that mixed larger chunks of dialogue and description that I felt would've worked better as multiple smaller paragraphs. The big issue that I saw as a recurring thing this chapter is that you had a bit of a dearth of description, both in terms of scene-setting to establish what things look like, and in terms of inner indirect thoughts to show off more of how Sam's thought process was ticking. It was especially noticeable in that one part where he brings up Mystery Dungeons collapsing, which while he's heard that mentioned before in the story, he comes to the conclusion very abruptly and in a way that showing his thoughts more would've likely avoided.

Though that's all for now on my end. It was nice coming back to this story again, @StolenMadWolf . Hope the feedback helps, and I'll be looking forward to when I cross paths with this story again sometime in the future.