Pokémon One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

[Fennel]

Play #35: Mossdeep City

(A radio presenter sits in a studio in front of a microphone and computers)

Axel: And on line two… we have Taron. Morning, Taron.
Taron: Morning.
Axel: Now, you have some thoughts about the previous caller’s tirade, is that right?
Taron: Yes. And excuse my language here, Axel - I hope this’ll be okay to say on the radio-
Axel: Let’s keep it family friendly, mate.
Taron: Sure. Sure. But I have to say. I am bloody sick and tired of listening to self-righteous twats like him spouting off about what I can and what I can't eat. I reckon-
Axel: This is about what the previous caller said about Clamperl, is that right?
Taron: That’s right, yes.
Axel: They’re a protected species by law, now.
Taron: The government should not be getting involved in telling us what we can and cannot have on our plates. Have you-
Axel: They have - sorry to interrupt, mate. Some might say they have a duty of care for their citizens and Pokemon.
Taron: We’re not children, Axel. Have you ever tasted Clamperl, roasted-
Axel: I have. Before it became restricted, obviously.
Taron: Roasted with garlic butter and served with a cold glass of vinho verde. It’s fabulous, Axel. They can’t take away my right to enjoy that after a hard week at work.
Axel: You might argue if you continue like this - if we-
Taron: I work hard for my money.
Axel: Sure, yes mate-
Taron: I can spend my money how I like-
Axel: But what I’m saying - what the previous caller said - is that if we continue like this then there won’t be any Clamperl left in the seas at all.
Taron: Well that’s not my problem, is it?
Axel: No?
Taron: They can sort it out.
Axel: Who can sort it out?
Taron: That Team Aqua lot. Isn’t their whole thing being up with the oceans?
Axel: I don’t know what their stance is on eating Clamperl-
Taron: Get them to sort it out. They can’t be worse than the current lot we have in power-
Axel: We can’t endorse vigilante justice on this show, mate.
Taron: You know what I think about people who say that, Axel?
Axel: What do you think, Taron?
Taron: I think, get the everliving fuck out of my-
Axel: Aaaand that’s all we have time for, I’m afraid - thanks very much for calling in, Taron. If you have any more thoughts about eating Clamperl - delicious delicacy or environmental disaster - then give us a ring on 0192 099 0992. And now let’s go to Mad, Mad Mitch for the traffic and weather.

 

[Fennel]

Play #36: Hoenn Pokemon League

(Two teenage trainers sit in a lounge area)

Halle: I just think it’s unfair.
Katelynn: Mm. Yeah.
Halle: Like they’re making it difficult on purpose.
Katelynn: Yeah. Yeah.
Halle: I’ve got eight badges. Just because they’re from different regions-
Katelynn: Yeah. I suppose-
Halle: Some from here and some from Johto-
Katelynn: I suppose-
Halle: That should count, right? Like, it’s not just me. Everyone else thinks so, too.
Katelynn: I see what they mean, though.
Halle: [pause] What?
Katelynn: Like, it is the Hoenn Pokemon League. Not the world Pokemon League.
Halle: Well they should change it, then.
Katelynn: To a world Pokemon league?
Halle: Yeah. Like, take badges from anywhere. Instead of only taking badges from this stupid island.
Katelynn: I like it here.
Halle: No-one wants to have to go to every gym here though, do they?
Katelynn: I dunno.
Halle: Why can’t I become a Pokemon Master and also like, travel around a bit?
Katelynn: I dunno.
Halle: I hate it here. I’m sick of how hot it is all the time. And I’m sick of running into Mr Dobson every time I go to the shops.
Katelynn: Oh. Yeah.
Halle: He’s always like, “You a Champion yet? I got all my badges when I was seven years old. Hurr durr.”
Katelynn: I thought he was a good teacher though.
Halle: Like, he’s not our teacher anymore so he shouldn’t be talking to us. It’s creepy.
Katelynn: He helped save my Bagon’s life when it got cancer.
Halle: [pause] Well, it’s still creepy.
[pause]
Halle: I’m going to talk to that guy again.
Katelynn: To try and get to the Elite Four?
Halle: Yeah. Maybe he’s changed his mind. Wish me luck!
Katelynn: Oh. Good luck.

 

[Fennel]

Play #37: Fallarbor Town

(A parent sits with their small child and a Meditite at a table)

Mum: Look, it’s a Meditite! Say hello to Meditite, Lucy.
Lucy: Where’s Mawile?
Mum: Meditite can be your new friend.
Lucy: But I want Mawile back.
Mum: Mawile had to go, darling. Remember?
Lucy: But go where?
Mum: Just… away, darling. Mawile had to go away for a bit.
Lucy: When’s she coming back?
Mum: Ahm. [pause] Not for a very, very long time, love.
Lucy: Can we go and visit her?
Mum: I’m not sure if that’ll be possible, darling. Mawile had to go very far away.
Lucy: Far away like Unova?
Mum: [pause] Something like that.
Lucy: Can we go and see Auntie Rachel at the same time?
Mum: I’m not sure, darling. Maybe next year.
Lucy: Can we see Mawile next year?
Mum: [pause] We’ll see, darling. Why don’t you try making friends with Meditite in the meantime? I think Meditite wants to be your friend.
Lucy: [pause] Okay. [pause] Hi. [pause] Can I call it Mawile?
Mum: [pause] Maybe it would prefer a different nickname.
Lucy: But I want to call it that.
Mum: [pause] Okay darling. Of course. [pause] You can call it anything you like.

 

[Fennel]

Play #38: Pretty Petal Flower Shop

(A florist speaks with a customer inside the shop)

Brie: You’re so lucky. Being around such beautiful flowers all day.
Alan: It’s fine, as a job.
Brie: I’m envious - I’m stuck in an office all week. Hardly ever manage to get out.
Alan: We get a lot of funerals here. I see a lot of coffins.
Brie: And weddings too, I bet?
Alan: Some. But mostly funerals. Wreaths, Name letterings, mourning flowers, that sort of thing.
Brie: Oh.
Alan: About 30% humans, 70% Pokemon. We have a standing order with a cremation company near Mt. Pyre. Very lucrative. Lots of people wanting lavish blooms to send off their Pokemon, see.
Brie: It must mean a lot to be able to help people in times of need.
Alan: We do good business with them. Lots of big orders. People want what they want when they grieve.
Brie: I want white lilies when I pass away. But that won’t be for a while yet! Touch wood.
Alan: We just got a shipment of those in now, actually. Freshly cut from the farm just up the road.
Brie: Oh. Lovely.
Alan: Can I interest you in a bouquet?
Brie: [pause] Of white lilies?
Alan: Sure.
Brie: [pause] Maybe just the peonies for now, thanks.
Alan: Suit yourself. [pause] They’re lovely, though. Seeing them never fails to cheer me up.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, I was hitting up TRcord last night for recommendations for something short and breezy to review since… uh… I did not have a whole lot of free time to write reviews in general today.

I’ll admit that I was a bit skeptical on the premise of a scriptfic, but this is apparently based on another IRL book that uses a similar format, so let’s go ahead and get a feel of what Hoenn is like through these little glimpses that you have:

Play #1

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

(Two women stand watching a moving van being unloaded)

Jan: Should we go over and say hello?
Yvonne: They’ll introduce themselves to us if they want to.
Jan: Only we got off on the wrong foot with the previous neighbours.
Yvonne: God, they were awful. That kid was a little terror.

… Wait, implying that the last neighbors left? Do I want to know how terrible these neighbors these two are?

Jan: These ones look like they might be nice.
Yvonne: More out-of-towners. I hear the father’s got some big important job in Petalburg.
Jan: Wonder what they’re doing here?

Aha, it’s Brendan/May, I see. Or at least I think that’s the implication there.

Yvonne: They wouldn’t want to mix with the likes of us.
Jan: Us?
Yvonne: Village folk. We’ve been here longer than anyone.

Gee, I wonder why those last neighbors bailed on Littleroot with attitudes like that among the locals.

Jan: These ones look friendly. Maybe we should invite them round for a coffee.
Yvonne: There you go again with your flights of fancy. We won’t be their sort.
Jan: The boy looks nice. He looks about the same age as your Neil.

Brendan confirmed there.

Yvonne: Neil has enough friends.
Jan: Lucky for him.
Yvonne: We’re doing very well for ourselves as is.
Jan: [pause] I think I’ll just go and say a quick hello.

Definitely a fun little contrast between the “closed-off” and “hospitable” flavors of small town culture there. Even if I kinda wonder if there should’ve been a pause or two thrown in somewhere in between.

Play #2

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

(A woman talks into her phone near the peak of the mountain)

Shayla: It’ll be too late now. [pause] No, I have no idea. I just follow whatever route the nav tells me to take. I didn’t plan on climbing a sodding volcano at seven o’clock in the morning, Brice. [pause] Oh, that’s clever of you. Well done. And how does that help me? [pause] Well. You talk to your mother and go on ahead, then. I’ll be perfectly happy here. [pause] No, no, I’ll be fine. Someone will help me get down. [pause] A helicopter? Wonderful. Could you ask them to send along a picnic basket, too. And some wine, Brice. The view here really is lovely. Maybe I’ll just sit here and watch the sunrise with a nice glass of wine.

Hrm. I feel like the formatting for this play feels a little hard to follow. I actually tracked down an excerpt of the book you based this off of format-wise, and unless I’m mistaken, I believe it’d look something more like the following in the original A Million Tiny Plays About Britain:

Shayla: It’ll be too late now.
[pause]
Shayla: No, I have no idea. I just follow whatever route the nav tells me to take. I didn’t plan on climbing a sodding volcano at seven o’clock in the morning, Brice.
[pause]
Shayla: Oh, that’s clever of you. Well done. And how does that help me?
[pause]
Shayla: Well. You talk to your mother and go on ahead, then. I’ll be perfectly happy here.
[pause]
Shayla: No, no, I’ll be fine. Someone will help me get down.
[pause]
Shayla: A helicopter? Wonderful. Could you ask them to send along a picnic basket, too. And some wine, Brice. The view here really is lovely. Maybe I’ll just sit here and watch the sunrise with a nice glass of wine

Which would be a bit easier to follow visually anyways. (If you really want to go to the hilt about aping the format, all the ‘Shayla’s after the first ones should be ‘S’ Even if I see that Shayla has her priorities™ in order here since her immediate reaction to getting stranded on Mt. Chimney(?) is to insist that she’s not lost and “oh, can the rescue chopper bring some wine”? I take it this isn’t the first time she’s gotten herself into a moment like this.

Play #3

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

(A man speaks with a Pokemon nurse at the main counter)

Nurse Joy: It’s against protocol, Sir.
Randall: But they’re hurt.
Nurse Joy: We don’t allow customers to heal this many Pokemon at once.
Randall: So it’s your policy to turn away hurt and bleeding Pokemon? They’re bleeding.

Um… how did you manage to do this again, Randall? Since how is this not getting the Pokémon training equivalent of CPS called on you right now?

Nurse Joy: We have the right to refuse service to anyone if we suspect suspicious-
Randall: Suspicious? I’m not suspicious!
Nurse Joy: If we suspect suspicious circumstances, Sir.

Lemme guess, he also flatly refused to produce a trainer’s ID for this as part of check-in too, huh? Since Randall sure is vibing as very sketchy right about now.

Randall: You nurses. You’re all crooks.
Nurse Joy: Please step away from the counter, Sir.
Randall: You’re all crooks. You don’t want to help Pokemon, do you? You just look out for your own asses around here.
Nurse Joy: Sir, please.
Randall: Public healthcare is a sham. I’m glad I don’t pay any taxes to fund this shit.

>dat punchline

Okay, yeah, Randall is at minimum some sort of petty criminal, I can already tell.

Play #4

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

(Two young trainers hunch over a Cacnea lying in the desert)

Cliff: It looks hurt.
Heidi: Give it a poke. Go on.
Cliff: With what?
Heidi: That stick over there.

Cliff: Okay.
[pause]
Heidi: Okay, that didn’t do much.
Cliff: It’s not moving at all. Should we do something?

Well, that got morbid quickly, since I’m pretty sure that Cacnea’s dead, Dave. Though would recommend moving the [pause] into its own line if you’re aping the book format a bit more.

… Though how did it handle moments where its characters would be doing actions anyways? Since I a part of me kinda wishes there were some more acknowledgement of the actual poking going on.

Heidi: It’ll be fine.
Cliff: How do you know?
Heidi: They’re resilient, aren’t they?
Cliff: Um.

Cliff: “... Heidi, I’m not sure if it’s even breathing right now.” .-.

Heidi: They like living in the sand.
Cliff: I don’t think it’ll be living much longer.
Heidi: Well. Everything returns to the earth eventually. Or sand. Everything turns to sand in the end.
Cliff: It’s a grass-type.

I like how Heidi is just not missing a beat here. Even if I feel like this exchange would potentially be funnier with a [pause] after Cliff’s first line in this section.

Heidi: Grass can grow from sand. Haven’t you seen those big long ones growing on the beach before?
Cliff: I think so.
Heidi: We’ll be doing it a favour by leaving it here. Trust me. I studied sand at school.

Cacnea: “*Wait, no! Come back! Come ba-!*” @.@

Play #5

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

>dat location

Ah yes, so are we going to see Game Freak salarymen toiling away at work here? :V

(A young man and woman whisper to each other from their single beds in a hostel room after dark)

Cole: What’s her name?
Lindsey: She doesn’t have a name. I just call her Skitty.

Or we could see the people helping to keep them up on long and restless nights. That works, too.

Cole: Uh huh, yeah. What’s her contest rating?
Lindsey: 7.87 last season.
Cole. Wow. Wow. That’s amazing.

Wait, what is that scale out of? 10, or…?

Lindsey: We’re aiming to qualify for Master Rank tomorrow.

So wait, what is the baseline score for the average member of Master Rank, anyways?

Cole: I bet you’ll get it. You look brill. Amazing, like.
Lindsey: I’ve got no makeup on.
Cole: I like the natural look on girls.

Cole sure has a way with girls, doesn’t he?

Lindsey: Yeah.
[pause]
Lindsey: It’s getting late.
Cole: Yeah, no probs. You guys need your beauty sleep, right?

Small nitpick here for if you’re going to stick tightly to A Million Tiny Plays About Britain’s format here.

Lindsey: We’re actually competing in the Cool category.
Cole: Oh, right. That’s cool. Lol. Cool, get it?
Lindsey: I’d quite like to go to sleep now.
Cole: Alright. Maybe I can come along and watch you tomorrow.

Yeah, I’m not holding my breath on that happening, Cole. Since I get the distinct feeling that Lindsey isn’t really appreciating your barely-hidden attempts to try and hit on her.

Lindsey: Yeah, maybe.
Cole: What time is the contest?
[pause]
Lindsey: Afternoon.

Another formatting nitpick here.

Cole: Yeah, but what time?
Lindsey: Afternoon. We really need to sleep.
Cole: Sure, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can talk more over breakfast. Lol.
[pause]
Cole: I’m actually amazing at contests too. If you need any tips, just ask. My name’s Cole, by the way.
[pause]
Cole: C-o-l-e. Like, ‘lump of coal’. My mum always calls me that. “You useless lump!” Lol. You’d like her, though. You’d get along and that. You and her and your Meowth.

Some more formatting suggestions, and just saying, this sounds an awful lot like a recipe to get Lindsey to pull out from that Contest at the last moment.

Alright, I think that I’ll leave things there for now. I thought that these were pretty fun snapshots of life in Hoenn, and you certainly had a lot of variety behind the premises and locations behind them. I think that my favorites of the bunch were Play #2 and Play #5, since the punchlines that they led up to were pretty amusing to watch. It makes me wonder if we’ll only be seeing random NPCs in this series or if we’ll get to see any more major characters more directly, something to keep an eye on, I guess.

On the critical end… I can’t really tell how much of it is a feature or a bug given that you’re mimicking a very specific storytelling style from a pre-existing book, but I did find myself wishing there was a bit more detail to follow at points. Not sure what A Million Tiny Plays About Britain did on that front, but it’s something to keep in mind. I would recommend thinking over how to handle the [pause] format for your plays, since I felt like it made plays like Play #2 a bit hard to follow since it resulted in one very big and long line as opposed to the multiple compact lines that your plays more normally had.

But this was a fun and breezy read. Thanks for the recommendation, @Fennel . I can’t make any firm promises as to when I’ll be back since I’m on the hook for other reviewing commitments right about now, but I’ll be keeping an eye on this series.