Pokémon One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

[Fennel]

Play #35: Mossdeep City

(A radio presenter sits in a studio in front of a microphone and computers)

Axel: And on line two… we have Taron. Morning, Taron.
Taron: Morning.
Axel: Now, you have some thoughts about the previous caller’s tirade, is that right?
Taron: Yes. And excuse my language here, Axel - I hope this’ll be okay to say on the radio-
Axel: Let’s keep it family friendly, mate.
Taron: Sure. Sure. But I have to say. I am bloody sick and tired of listening to self-righteous twats like him spouting off about what I can and what I can't eat. I reckon-
Axel: This is about what the previous caller said about Clamperl, is that right?
Taron: That’s right, yes.
Axel: They’re a protected species by law, now.
Taron: The government should not be getting involved in telling us what we can and cannot have on our plates. Have you-
Axel: They have - sorry to interrupt, mate. Some might say they have a duty of care for their citizens and Pokemon.
Taron: We’re not children, Axel. Have you ever tasted Clamperl, roasted-
Axel: I have. Before it became restricted, obviously.
Taron: Roasted with garlic butter and served with a cold glass of vinho verde. It’s fabulous, Axel. They can’t take away my right to enjoy that after a hard week at work.
Axel: You might argue if you continue like this - if we-
Taron: I work hard for my money.
Axel: Sure, yes mate-
Taron: I can spend my money how I like-
Axel: But what I’m saying - what the previous caller said - is that if we continue like this then there won’t be any Clamperl left in the seas at all.
Taron: Well that’s not my problem, is it?
Axel: No?
Taron: They can sort it out.
Axel: Who can sort it out?
Taron: That Team Aqua lot. Isn’t their whole thing being up with the oceans?
Axel: I don’t know what their stance is on eating Clamperl-
Taron: Get them to sort it out. They can’t be worse than the current lot we have in power-
Axel: We can’t endorse vigilante justice on this show, mate.
Taron: You know what I think about people who say that, Axel?
Axel: What do you think, Taron?
Taron: I think, get the everliving fuck out of my-
Axel: Aaaand that’s all we have time for, I’m afraid - thanks very much for calling in, Taron. If you have any more thoughts about eating Clamperl - delicious delicacy or environmental disaster - then give us a ring on 0192 099 0992. And now let’s go to Mad, Mad Mitch for the traffic and weather.

 

[Fennel]

Play #36: Hoenn Pokemon League

(Two teenage trainers sit in a lounge area)

Halle: I just think it’s unfair.
Katelynn: Mm. Yeah.
Halle: Like they’re making it difficult on purpose.
Katelynn: Yeah. Yeah.
Halle: I’ve got eight badges. Just because they’re from different regions-
Katelynn: Yeah. I suppose-
Halle: Some from here and some from Johto-
Katelynn: I suppose-
Halle: That should count, right? Like, it’s not just me. Everyone else thinks so, too.
Katelynn: I see what they mean, though.
Halle: [pause] What?
Katelynn: Like, it is the Hoenn Pokemon League. Not the world Pokemon League.
Halle: Well they should change it, then.
Katelynn: To a world Pokemon league?
Halle: Yeah. Like, take badges from anywhere. Instead of only taking badges from this stupid island.
Katelynn: I like it here.
Halle: No-one wants to have to go to every gym here though, do they?
Katelynn: I dunno.
Halle: Why can’t I become a Pokemon Master and also like, travel around a bit?
Katelynn: I dunno.
Halle: I hate it here. I’m sick of how hot it is all the time. And I’m sick of running into Mr Dobson every time I go to the shops.
Katelynn: Oh. Yeah.
Halle: He’s always like, “You a Champion yet? I got all my badges when I was seven years old. Hurr durr.”
Katelynn: I thought he was a good teacher though.
Halle: Like, he’s not our teacher anymore so he shouldn’t be talking to us. It’s creepy.
Katelynn: He helped save my Bagon’s life when it got cancer.
Halle: [pause] Well, it’s still creepy.
[pause]
Halle: I’m going to talk to that guy again.
Katelynn: To try and get to the Elite Four?
Halle: Yeah. Maybe he’s changed his mind. Wish me luck!
Katelynn: Oh. Good luck.

 

[Fennel]

Play #37: Fallarbor Town

(A parent sits with their small child and a Meditite at a table)

Mum: Look, it’s a Meditite! Say hello to Meditite, Lucy.
Lucy: Where’s Mawile?
Mum: Meditite can be your new friend.
Lucy: But I want Mawile back.
Mum: Mawile had to go, darling. Remember?
Lucy: But go where?
Mum: Just… away, darling. Mawile had to go away for a bit.
Lucy: When’s she coming back?
Mum: Ahm. [pause] Not for a very, very long time, love.
Lucy: Can we go and visit her?
Mum: I’m not sure if that’ll be possible, darling. Mawile had to go very far away.
Lucy: Far away like Unova?
Mum: [pause] Something like that.
Lucy: Can we go and see Auntie Rachel at the same time?
Mum: I’m not sure, darling. Maybe next year.
Lucy: Can we see Mawile next year?
Mum: [pause] We’ll see, darling. Why don’t you try making friends with Meditite in the meantime? I think Meditite wants to be your friend.
Lucy: [pause] Okay. [pause] Hi. [pause] Can I call it Mawile?
Mum: [pause] Maybe it would prefer a different nickname.
Lucy: But I want to call it that.
Mum: [pause] Okay darling. Of course. [pause] You can call it anything you like.

 

[Fennel]

Play #38: Pretty Petal Flower Shop

(A florist speaks with a customer inside the shop)

Brie: You’re so lucky. Being around such beautiful flowers all day.
Alan: It’s fine, as a job.
Brie: I’m envious - I’m stuck in an office all week. Hardly ever manage to get out.
Alan: We get a lot of funerals here. I see a lot of coffins.
Brie: And weddings too, I bet?
Alan: Some. But mostly funerals. Wreaths, Name letterings, mourning flowers, that sort of thing.
Brie: Oh.
Alan: About 30% humans, 70% Pokemon. We have a standing order with a cremation company near Mt. Pyre. Very lucrative. Lots of people wanting lavish blooms to send off their Pokemon, see.
Brie: It must mean a lot to be able to help people in times of need.
Alan: We do good business with them. Lots of big orders. People want what they want when they grieve.
Brie: I want white lilies when I pass away. But that won’t be for a while yet! Touch wood.
Alan: We just got a shipment of those in now, actually. Freshly cut from the farm just up the road.
Brie: Oh. Lovely.
Alan: Can I interest you in a bouquet?
Brie: [pause] Of white lilies?
Alan: Sure.
Brie: [pause] Maybe just the peonies for now, thanks.
Alan: Suit yourself. [pause] They’re lovely, though. Seeing them never fails to cheer me up.