Pokémon One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

[Fennel]

One Hundred Tiny Plays About Hoenn

A series of small, scripted snapshots of everyday life in the region of Hoenn.

Inspired by Craig Taylor's One Million Tiny Plays About Britain.

Content Warnings: Strong language and references to alcohol. These warnings will be updated as necessary the plays are written and posted.
If you want to seek out Taylor's original plays, keep in mind they are aimed at a mature audience and reference adult topics such as sex and sexual activity, amongst others.
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Spoiler: The Plays

1. Play #1: Littleroot Town
2. Play #2: Mt. Chimney
3. Play #3: Battle Frontier Pokemon Centre
4. Play #4: Route 111
5. Play #5: Cove Lily Motel
6. Play #6: Verdanturf Town

 

[Fennel]

Play #1: Littleroot Town

(Two women stand watching a moving van being unloaded)

Jan: Should we go over and say hello?
Yvonne: They’ll introduce themselves to us if they want to.
Jan: Only we got off on the wrong foot with the previous neighbours.
Yvonne: God, they were awful. That kid was a little terror.
Jan: These ones look like they might be nice.
Yvonne: More out-of-towners. I hear the father’s got some big important job in Petalburg.
Jan: Wonder what they’re doing here?
Yvonne: They wouldn’t want to mix with the likes of us.
Jan: Us?
Yvonne: Village folk. We’ve been here longer than anyone.
Jan: These ones look friendly. Maybe we should invite them round for a coffee.
Yvonne: There you go again with your flights of fancy. We won’t be their sort.
Jan: The boy looks nice. He looks about the same age as your Neil.
Yvonne: Neil has enough friends.
Jan: Lucky for him.
Yvonne: We’re doing very well for ourselves as is.
Jan: [pause] I think I’ll just go and say a quick hello.

 

[Fennel]

Play #2: Mt. Chimney

(A woman talks into her phone near the peak of the mountain)

Shayla: It’ll be too late now. [pause] No, I have no idea. I just follow whatever route the nav tells me to take. I didn’t plan on climbing a sodding volcano at seven o’clock in the morning, Brice. [pause] Oh, that’s clever of you. Well done. And how does that help me? [pause] Well. You talk to your mother and go on ahead, then. I’ll be perfectly happy here. [pause] No, no, I’ll be fine. Someone will help me get down. [pause] A helicopter? Wonderful. Could you ask them to send along a picnic basket, too. And some wine, Brice. The view here really is lovely. Maybe I’ll just sit here and watch the sunrise with a nice glass of wine.

 

[Fennel]

Play #3: Battle Frontier Pokemon Centre

(A man speaks with a Pokemon nurse at the main counter)

Nurse Joy: It’s against protocol, Sir.
Randall: But they’re hurt.
Nurse Joy: We don’t allow customers to heal this many Pokemon at once.
Randall: So it’s your policy to turn away hurt and bleeding Pokemon? They’re bleeding.
Nurse Joy: We have the right to refuse service to anyone if we suspect suspicious-
Randall: Suspicious? I’m not suspicious!
Nurse Joy: If we suspect suspicious circumstances, Sir.
Randall: You nurses. You’re all crooks.
Nurse Joy: Please step away from the counter, Sir.
Randall: You’re all crooks. You don’t want to help Pokemon, do you? You just look out for your own asses around here.
Nurse Joy: Sir, please.
Randall: Public healthcare is a sham. I’m glad I don’t pay any taxes to fund this shit.

 

[Fennel]

Play #4: Route 111

(Two young trainers hunch over a Cacnea lying in the desert)

Cliff: It looks hurt.
Heidi: Give it a poke. Go on.
Cliff: With what?
Heidi: That stick over there.
Cliff: Okay. [pause]
Heidi: Okay, that didn’t do much.
Cliff: It’s not moving at all. Should we do something?
Heidi: It’ll be fine.
Cliff: How do you know?
Heidi: They’re resilient, aren’t they?
Cliff: Um.
Heidi: They like living in the sand.
Cliff: I don’t think it’ll be living much longer.
Heidi: Well. Everything returns to the earth eventually. Or sand. Everything turns to sand in the end.
Cliff: It’s a grass-type.
Heidi: Grass can grow from sand. Haven’t you seen those big long ones growing on the beach before?
Cliff: I think so.
Heidi: We’ll be doing it a favour by leaving it here. Trust me. I studied sand at school.

 

[Fennel]

Play #5: Cove Lily Motel

(A young man and woman whisper to each other from their single beds in a hostel room after dark)

Cole: What’s her name?
Lindsey: She doesn’t have a name. I just call her Skitty.
Cole: Uh huh, yeah. What’s her contest rating?
Lindsey: 7.87 last season.
Cole. Wow. Wow. That’s amazing.
Lindsey: We’re aiming to qualify for Master Rank tomorrow.
Cole: I bet you’ll get it. You look brill. Amazing, like.
Lindsey: I’ve got no makeup on.
Cole: I like the natural look on girls.
Lindsey: Yeah. [pause] It’s getting late.
Cole: Yeah, no probs. You guys need your beauty sleep, right?
Lindsey: We’re actually competing in the Cool category.
Cole: Oh, right. That’s cool. Lol. Cool, get it?
Lindsey: I’d quite like to go to sleep now.
Cole: Alright. Maybe I can come along and watch you tomorrow.
Lindsey: Yeah, maybe.
Cole: What time is the contest?
Lindsey: [pause] Afternoon.
Cole: Yeah, but what time?
Lindsey: Afternoon. We really need to sleep.
Cole: Sure, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can talk more over breakfast. Lol. [pause] I’m actually amazing at contests too. If you need any tips, just ask. My name’s Cole, by the way. [pause] C-o-l-e. Like, ‘lump of coal’. My mum always calls me that. “You useless lump!” Lol. You’d like her, though. You’d get along and that. You and her and your Meowth.

 

[Negrek]

Hey, Fennel! This seems like a really neat idea--I haven't read the source material, but at least so far, these tiny plays are a delight.

I don't know if you're British yourself, but a couple of these seem to have that flair to them. In the very first, Yvonne seems like exactly that stereotype of a small-town British resident who just doesn't truck with outsiders and is already judging these young newcomers three seconds after they've arrived in town. (And what a cute place to start this series off, of course!) Then there's Cole in the Cove Lily Motel telling Lindsey that her she looks "Brill." It's not the sort of language I normally associate with Hoenn, but it does seem to fit with an image of the region as pastoral, full of small towns with wandering paths between them.

It's fun, puzzling out the larger context of these brief conversations. I'm impressed by the fact that Shayla seems to have found herself on top of Mt Chimney... accidentally? At seven in the morning? I guess she really does just go wherever the nav tells her. I'm wondering whether there's a reference I'm missing with the Battle Frontier one, or whether those allusions to a very large number of injured pokémon is intended as an ominous mystery for us to contemplate. That poor nurse, one way or another. There's the flash of something really dark, there.

In the Cove Lily play, though... is Cole actually saying "lol" out loud? Repeatedly? Oh, buddy. No. Cole in general is just a whole lot of "no."

I don't think I can really pick a favorite entry out of these so far, but I do have a favorite line: "Trust me. I studied sand at school." What better credentials can you expect than that.

So far these tiny plays have been super whimsical and fun. You obviously have a knack for comedy. Writing a hundred of these seems like a pretty ambitious target, and I wish you good luck and a bit of good fun throughout however many you ultimately put together.

 

[Fennel]

Hey, Negrek, thank you for stopping by!

I don't know if you're British yourself, but a couple of these seem to have that flair to them. In the very first, Yvonne seems like exactly that stereotype of a small-town British resident who just doesn't truck with outsiders and is already judging these young newcomers three seconds after they've arrived in town. (And what a cute place to start this series off, of course!) Then there's Cole in the Cove Lily Motel telling Lindsey that her she looks "Brill." It's not the sort of language I normally associate with Hoenn, but it does seem to fit with an image of the region as pastoral, full of small towns with wandering paths between them.

I am indeed British! I have a real admiration for naturalist British playwriting and literature, so these plays draw from that as well as things I've picked up from just overhearing things out and about. I love using British vernacular and slang, and I find that leaning on those in particular helps to bring out the humour in the mundanity and banality of some of the snapshots here.

It's fun, puzzling out the larger context of these brief conversations. I'm impressed by the fact that Shayla seems to have found herself on top of Mt Chimney... accidentally? At seven in the morning? I guess she really does just go wherever the nav tells her.

That one is based on a true story! Apparently a woman inadvertently drove 900 miles on what was supposed to be a 90 mile trip and only noticed when she reached Croatia... which is four countries away from her home in Belgium. I feel like GPS errors are less commonplace these days but that story always stuck in my head as being quite absurd and amusing. Source

I'm wondering whether there's a reference I'm missing with the Battle Frontier one, or whether those allusions to a very large number of injured pokémon is intended as an ominous mystery for us to contemplate. That poor nurse, one way or another. There's the flash of something really dark, there.

This one isn't a reference to anything and is just intended as a snapshot of something vague and morbid. I'm interested in those sorts of glimpses of something that you have to fill in the gaps for yourself - stuff that you'll have to accept that you might never learn the full story of, but have the potential to be quite odd and sinister if you let your mind wander in that direction.

In the Cove Lily play, though... is Cole actually saying "lol" out loud? Repeatedly? Oh, buddy. No. Cole in general is just a whole lot of "no."

Cole is once again based on something from real life that has stuck with me; in this case, someone I used to know at university and their propensity for saying "lol" in odd moments of conversation and general misplaced overconfidence when chatting up women. I feel like we've all had run-ins with a Cole at some point or another!

I don't think I can really pick a favorite entry out of these so far, but I do have a favorite line: "Trust me. I studied sand at school." What better credentials can you expect than that.

Quite!

So far these tiny plays have been super whimsical and fun. You obviously have a knack for comedy. Writing a hundred of these seems like a pretty ambitious target, and I wish you good luck and a bit of good fun throughout however many you ultimately put together.

Thank you so much! A hundred is definitely the goal and I have a lot of them mapped out or completed already, including the milestone ones like the 50th and 100th plays. Thank you very much for your kind comments and hope you'll enjoy reading the rest of them as they come out!

 

[Fennel]

Play #6: Verdanturf Town

(Two children sit in a living room, video game cartridges scattered across the floor around them)

Milo: What do you want to play?
Osamu: Umm. What do you have?
Milo: Oh. Everything. We can play whatever you want. What do you play at home?
Osamu: I’m not really allowed to play video games at home.
Milo: Oh. That’s okay. [pause] Do you know this one? Feebas Fluoroscopy Frenzy. It’s really gory.
Osamu: I’m not sure.
Milo: Or this one? Dragon Doctrine IV: Here Today, Shelgon Tomorrow.
Osamu: I don’t know how to play that one.
Milo: I’ve got these too. Spinda Spreadsheet Simulator… Team Magma: Dream Wedding Brigade… Water-Type Whistleblower Remastered: Tentacruel To Be Tentakind… That one’s really good.
Osamu: Do you have checkers?
Milo: What’s that?
Osamu: It’s a board game. Like chess.
Milo: Oh. I don’t think I have that.
Osamu: That’s okay. [pause] Just play whatever you want and I’ll watch.
Milo: Okay. [pause]. I just got this one. Want to see?
Osamu: Sure. What is it?
Milo: It’s called Blakizen Ballet Bacchanalia.
Osamu: Oh. Okay. Sure. Whatever you want to play is fine, I guess.
Milo: Alright. Let’s play this one. It’s really fun. [pause] It’s got loads of cool guns and you get bonus points for headshots too.
Osamu: Oh.
Milo: You wanna try? It has two-player.
Osamu: No, that’s okay. [pause] I’ll just watch you play.
Milo: Sure?
Osamu: Yeah. I’m sure. I don’t want to play. I’ll just watch.
Milo: Okay then. [pause] Oh, this bit is really good, listen to this guy. BLAZIKEN! BALLET! BACCHANALIAAAAAA! Hahaha. [pause] Isn’t that cool?
Osamu: Yeah. [pause] It’s… cool. Really cool.