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Cygnus was your average teen. One who had big dreams and ambitions just like any other. So after years of extensive studying and preparing, he finally earned the opportunity to receive a starter and start his journey!
After a fumble that nearly costed his starter at the professor's lab, he sets out on an adventure of a lifetime! Ready to meet new friends, fight foes and enemies alike, and take down any evil that crawled up.
And he steps out, ready to take on the world by storm–
Then the next day, he died in a brutal tragedy.
But whether by his sheer determination or a mysterious hand at play, he wakes up once more. Back in his bed. Back in the beginning, and ready to start anew once more.
Hopefully, this time he'll stop failing.
Hello and welcome to another fic that has been brewing on my mind!
As the summary entails and implies, this is a Nuzlocke fic with a twist being that along with the trainer's Pokémon, he will also died and as such, every death will reset the trainer back to a specific point in time (essentially time-looping). This will take place in an AU version of Pokémon Platinum where things will feel and look the same until the curtains begin to unravel...
Anywho, the Content Warnings for this fic will be: Deaths (both human and Pokémon), Gore, Suffering, Heavy themes like Depression and Suicidal thoughts, Loneliness and Trauma. (If you know Re:Zero then this story will be pretty similar to that)
And while this is a Nuzlocke fic. It's not exactly based on any Nuzlocke runs I've done since I have a horrible track record of completing them. Instead, it'll be mostly based around my experience with failing multiple Nuzlocke runs 'cause I suck at nuzlocking romhacks. Likewise, the rules for it will mostly be uncovered as the story goes on because I like keeping things a mystery.
So yeah! Enjoy your time reading this and prepare for a wild ride!
Any and all feedback will be greatly appreciated! So let me know what you think!
White hot pain laced across my mind, scattering my thoughts and spinning the world around me. My vision dimmed and muted, sounds grew muffled and distant..
Somebody…
My eyes trailed onto the graying world around me.
Please…
I still had so much I wanted to do.
Darkness crawled at the edges of my vision. The shadows writhed, dim reality coiling slowly, slowly, seizing me like a prized relic.
Help…
My body was trembling but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel my arms nor my legs. Warmth fled my body a long time ago, leaving the hard and cold concrete to chill me down to my very bones.
I was so tired… so… so…
Someone…
I tried to cry out.
But no one replied.
There were sirens, muffled screams and tears.
Everything felt hollow, empty.
And slowly, slowly…
… my consciousness slipped away into the darkness…
My alarm clock blared with a roar of a thousand howls.
I awoke with a startled yelp, panic gripping my heart as I flailed my arms and legs. Unfortunately, the blanket covering me did an amazing job in trapping my limbs and I performed an excellent tumble onto the firm wood that was the floor.
“Ow…” I winced, a dull ache pounding my head relentlessly despite the blanket breaking my fall. With a groan, I threw the blanket back onto the bed, rubbing a hand against the bump in my head as I got up. “My head…”
My mind was still groggy but the pain kept my focus from slipping back into the foggy recesses of sleep. I found myself sitting there on the floor, thoughts still reeling from that… that dream? I mean, what else was there to call that? But that dream felt so vivid, so real in a sense that was hard to describe. I swore I could still feel myself laying there on the cold concrete, a tingly sensation seizing my body and ridding me of feeling anything but fog and numbness. I was pretty sure I also heard something that sounded like crying…
A sharp sting punctured my attempts at remembering and I winced, silencing the alarm clock. But even without that incessant shrill, I couldn't get a grip on anything but the barest of fragments.
I shuddered, feeling cold despite the morning sun shining from my window. Even with only the vaguest of details, I couldn't get over how… real everything felt. Like I was still laying there, cold, alone, dying…
Tearing my head away from the dream, I looked around. To my left was a window, and for some stupid reason, I seemed to have left the curtains open, leading to the brilliant sun practically blinding me wherever I turned. My bed was messy, my blanket and pillows scattered and strewn about after my panicked wake up. The ticking of my alarm clock followed my every motion, the time flashing innocently under my gaze.
… Wait.
Wait a second…
I blinked, once, twice. But the number was still the same, still the bright red lights showing–
Oh no. Oh no no no.
It was eight.
Eight freaking thirty.
Oh crap oh crap!
I was late!
So incredibly late!
How? Why did my alarm clock wake me up so late? I thought I'd set it to ring at six! Aaaahh, this was bad. This was really bad.
I rushed into the bathroom, speeding through the process of cleaning myself. I didn't have time to waste here, I was late for my starter!
Amidst the panic, a stray thought crept onto my mind. My rival, Terra, must've gotten her starter already. We were talking about this day for the better half of the month, even agreeing to meet up before heading to the lab. If she knew the reason why I wasn't there, she'd never let me live this down.
After combing down the Rattata’s nest that was my shaggy brown hair into something respectable, I put on a simple red T-shirt and a pair of brown trousers… or well, tried to. It was admittedly hard to do so when I was running down the stairs. And like an idiot, I promptly lost my balance and fell straight down.
Thankfully, my back broke my fall.
Unfortunately, my back was now in pain.
“Are you okay, dear?” my mom shouted from the kitchen, concerned.
“I'm fine, mom!” I couldn't stop now. Standing back up, I successfully wrestled my leg down my pants and grabbed my bag hanging on the railing.
“Well, come and get breakfast, Cygnus. It's gonna get cold if you–”
“Sorry, Mom!” I shouted back, a hand reaching for the door just a few steps away. “But I gotta go! I'm already late for my starter! Bye, Mom!”
“Cygnus–”
Slamming the door behind me, I sprinted towards my destination. Knowing my mom, she’d find a way to convince me to stay but I needed my starter. I couldn't be late!
The morning air was dry and fresh, luckily we lived somewhere deeper in Sandgem so I didn't have to trudge through sand whenever I decided to go outside. People mingled about in the streets but thankfully as the day was still young, I didn't have a lot of people I had to worry about. “Sorry! Excuse me! Coming through!” I waded through, finding my opportunity to slip past the steady stream of people and into an alleyway.
I lived in Sandgem Town for practically my entire life so I knew the ins and outs of the place, and the fastest routes to reach the lab. I just had to get through this alleyway, past the park, and I'd be at the Pokémon center where–
Something stopped me dead still, my momentum ramming straight into and down onto the ground. I winced at the stinging pain in my nose as I fell right onto my butt. “Ow…”
What hit me? There wasn't supposed to be anyone in this alleyway, not with all the trash and gunk. I got back up, a hand rubbing my sore behind as I gave whoever stood in my way a glare.
The man who stared back with a pinched expression froze me right into my roots. He was tall, taller than the professor by half a head and practically twice my height. My breath hitched. The man looked dead, pale as a corpse. His cheeks were sunken, his eyes surrounded by dark rings like he hadn't slept in weeks. Despite his height, he was a skinny and lanky person, more bone than flesh with how his skin-tight suit stretched into his skin.
The sun cast an ominous shadow over him, and his eyes gleamed like silver under the dim lighting. His glare was intense, harshly fierce like he was inspecting a particularly pesky bug.
I took a step back. Who-who was this? Did I just find a ghost? The guy didn't look real. How could a man have bleached blue hair while having skin paler than even Mom? Not to mention the weird outfit like he was trying to cosplay a really weird astronaut.
The man was quiet, unnaturally still like a broken down machine. I could feel my heart racing as the nerves shook my body. “I–I’m sorry, sir,” I stammered out. “I wasn't looking at where I was going and I uh…”
What should I say? What could I say? I didn't even know if he was going to kill me, eat my brain or… or… His glare didn't diminish in its intensity. And it was horrifying how expressionless his face looked, like he actually was a corpse that somehow retained consciousness.
After what felt like hours of being examined like a lab rat, he finally nodded, leaving without a word and not a single one of his steps making a sound.
When he got out of my sight, I flopped over and fell onto my knees. My heart was racing, my breaths laboured and heavy. “O-okay, scary ghosts in jumpsuits are a thing now.” I joked, more out of habit than anything humourous. My eyes glanced over to where the man vanished into and I stamped down the part of my mind that was curious about who that was.
Though oddly I couldn't help but feel like there was something familiar about the man. Like I had met him before.
I shook my head. No! I was not going down a spooky alleyway, chasing after a shady skeleton man. That sounded like a horrible idea.
Taking in deep, calming breaths, I let the nerves run through its course before returning to the task at hand. I had to keep going. I still had a starter to get.
A lot slower though. Who knew if there were any more scary jumpsuit ghosts out there.
I… made it.
Professor Rowan’s lab! I reached it!
“Ah…” I panted, pushing open the door. “I'm… I'm here!”
My exhausted shout drew the attention of everyone towards me. The lab assistants chatting to each other, the janitor cleaning in the corner and more notably, Professor Rowan and Lucas turned away from their conversation to look at me, neither of whom bothered to hide their surprise.
My lungs felt like they were on fire as my legs dragged me across the room. I really shouldn't have skipped gym class. Ugh, I regretted everything!
“I'm… I'm not too late, right?”
Rowan and Lucas glanced at one another. The professor’s fuzzy eyebrows furrowed in displeasure or well… It was honestly a little hard to gauge his reaction since his default expression looked like he was always displeased about everything.
Lucas, though, was a lot more expressive. An uncomfortable frown lining his face as he turned. “Well, you are over two hours later than expected.” He forced out a chuckle. “We didn't think you’d even show up.”
“And I did! I’m right here, aren't I?” I panted. “Please please please please tell me you have a starter left!”
Lucas turned to the professor, his eyes asking for help that his mouth was too afraid to voice.
The professor sighed, stepping forward with a stern glare. “You were late.”
Receiving his full attention, I stepped back, feeling the words stuck in my throat. “It-it wasn't on purpose, Professor! I was just so excited to start my journey that I couldn't sleep and–and my alarm clock didn't wake me up even though I was sure I set it and–”
He held up a hand. “I'm sorry, Cygnus. I handed out the last of my starters over an hour ago.”
Wh-what?
“No… this can't be...” I must've heard him wrong. He couldn't be out, he couldn't!
“Cygnus. You were nearly three hours late,” he said, body unmoving like a statue. “Now I understand what it's like to receive your first Pokémon, let alone something as rare as a regional starter and while I could excuse being a bit later than the planned meet up.” He sighed. “I cannot excuse someone for being later than an hour, let alone three. And you should know that I am a very busy man, I don't have time to waste merely standing around.”
I could hardly hear the end of his speech over the raging denials swirling in my head. This couldn't be real. It just couldn't be. All that time spent waiting, all that hard work and effort spent studying to even get a chance at this, all my plans and dreams. All of it was going to waste because I couldn't wake up.
I…
Tears welled up in my eyes but I dropped my head to hide them. Now wasn't the time nor place. I couldn't let them see me like this.
“Yeah… I guess…” I managed to make it not sound like I was about to break apart.
The professor took in a breath, his voice softening, his gruffy expression somehow seeming less gruff. . “Look, boy. I could try asking for another batch but I can't guarantee it'll be here before next week.”
Next week? I hid the grimace behind a sigh. I'd be so far behind but it was better than nothing. Professor Rowan was giving me a chance here.
I bowed low, a textbook perfect ninety degrees angle and showing my sincerest gratitude to the professor. “Thank you.”
With those quiet words, I took my leave with hurried steps, only slowing down after I was a couple of blocks away from the lab. My vision was blurry with tears but I didn't need to see properly to keep walking.
“Damn it.”
I clenched a fist, the despair quickly turning into rage as I rounded into an alleyway. My feet collided with a piece of trash and that broke down my self-control as I kicked a nearby bin. Nrgh! I was mad, so damn pissed at myself for being such an idiot.
If I hadn't stayed up so late, if I had set my alarm properly, if I hadn't woken up so late! I would've gotten my starter already and beaten my rival to the curb! What was wrong with me? I knew today was gonna be the greatest day of my life and yet–
“Aaaaahhh!”
I didn't know how long I'd spent venting my frustrations on the poor things here. But I was tired and hungry, my stomach protesting my poor decisions as I left the alleyway. I wasn't looking forward to my mom’s scolding but I didn't have a choice. She’d get worse if I spent more time out here without anything to show for.
“...!”
I sighed, dragging my feet into slow and dejected steps. My mom was going to kill me when I got back. I mean, I slammed the door, cut her off and practically just ditched her. And that wasn't even mentioning the fact that I couldn't even get a starter. It took a lot to earn her trust to let me handle things myself again and yet, not even a month had passed and I let her down.
“...ey!”
I groaned. This was gonna suck so much.
“Hey, Cygnus!”
My head perked up. Huh? Did someone just say my name? I looked around, turning my head left and right until I saw him.
Lucas, the professor’s assistant, was running at me. Lugging a briefcase in his hands and waving it recklessly. I opened my mouth to say something but after he nearly hit a nearby pedestrian a second time, I was afraid it would be me next.
He came to a stop, huffing and puffing. For a minute, I let him catch his breath before speaking. “What do you want?”
… that came out harsher than I'd like.
Thankfully, Lucas didn't look offended by my tone or maybe he just didn't notice it, he was clumsy like that. He propped up the briefcase, popping it open. “I just remembered that we had one left, Cygnus. A starter.”
My heart skipped a beat. Was I hearing him right?
“Y-you do?”
B-but I thought they said–no, questioning things might make this second chance disappear. I blinked, letting my gaze settle on the single pokéball inside, glee fluttering in my stomach.
“Yeah.” He took it out and handed it to me. “It might not be what you wanted but–”
“I'll take it!” I snatched the ball off of his hands. This was perfect! I had a starter! I finally had a starter! I was so happy I was bouncing on the soles of my feet, practically squeeing in joy.
Lucas chuckled softly, he was a lot less animated than he usually was but I was too distracted by the fact that I had my starter! “Well, I'm glad you're happy. But make sure to take good care of the little guy, alright?”
“Heh, who do you think I am? Of course I'll take good care of ‘em!” I shuffled my feet, pointing a finger to the sky. “‘cause you're looking at the next biggest thing! You hear me? I'll become one of the best there is! Even better than Cynthia herself!”
“Hah, sure.” His lips lifted slightly as he threw one last glance at the pokéball and he nodded. “Okay, I better head back now. The professor has plans for a big trip later and I'll have to finish some paperwork before we leave.”
“Okay, see ya!” I waved goodbye to the boy. Taking in a breath, I turned my attention back to the ball in my hand, feeling the smooth and hard surface. I couldn't believe it but the weight was real.
I had a starter.
My very own regional starter! Years of blood, sweat and tears put into this very moment!
Hopefully, Mom wouldn't be too mad once she learns about this.
“...and another thing!”
Mom turned around with eyes red with rage, her long brown hair trailing down to her shoulders like a serpent on the hunt.
I wilted under her fierce glare, my face paling further as her lecture continued. I knew she'd be mad but I didn't think she’d somehow stretch it into something that lasted for nearly an hour. At this rate, it’d take me until tomorrow to finally start my journey.
“... now, what do you have to say for yourself?”
“I'm sorry.”
“And?”
“I shouldn't slam doors in a hurry nor should I leave without finishing my food.” Her eyebrow was still raised. “And I should go to sleep early if I have to do something in the morning.”
“Good.” She nodded with a satisfied look. “Now, I hope you're fine with having reheated bacon and pancakes because that's what you'll be having after running off like that.”
I held back a sigh. “Okay, mom.” It wasn't the end of the world but it still felt unfair. It wasn't like I wanted to wake up late.
She tapped me on the shoulder, drawing my attention. Her gaze was soft, fond and comforting.
“Look, sweetie. I know how much you've been looking forward to this day and I'm happy you got your starter.” A gentle smile creased her features. “It’s just… next time, try and stay with me a little longer before running off like that, okay?”
Her eyes shimmered with genuine pride and– Argh, this wasn't fair. I couldn't continue to mope around with the sincerity thrown my way.
“Yeah, okay.” A small but genuine smile graced my face as she led me into the kitchen.
It was just past noon when I found myself looking over the field around me.
Route 202.
I’d been here before; for camping trips, survival training. Heck, I'd even snuck out from time to time with Terra to look at some Pokémon.
But today felt different.
Today, I stood out here as a trainer, alone on a path with only my starter to accompany me.
The pokéball in my hand gleamed under the sun’s rays as I threw it open.
Sun, my Chimchar, came out with a roar of his name, planting his fists deep into the dirt. He gave his surroundings a quick scan and after finding nothing of note, he turned to me with a puzzled expression. “Char?”
“Okay, Sun. As the starter of the up and coming future champion of Sinnoh–no the whole world! I am going to train you to be the very best! And that means we'll be spending every moment of our lives getting stronger! And to do so, we must first do what every famous trainer does when they're on a route.” I looked around, a smile stretching my cheeks as I pointed at our first opponent.
Out in the distance, in a clear field of patched dirt, there was a Starly pecking away at the ground.
I turned to Sun and relayed my plan. It was a simple one: hide in the bush and attack. Surely, I couldn't mess up an easy strategy.
My starter let out an affirmative cry, nodding along with my idea as he got into position.
Alright! Let's do this! I watched as Sun snuck up on it, hiding in the tall grass and slowly moving through until–
My Chimchar burst out of the grass and with a swift swing of his arm, slashed glowing claws across the Starly's face.
“Star!” the Starly cried out in pain, reeling away with a large flap of its wings.
It recovered in the air, wings fighting itself but instead of running away. It glared at Sun, eyes filled with a vengeful pride. Charging forward with a battle cry, its body glowed a fierce white, disappearing in a streak of light.
It's fast. I didn't have the chance to react before it struck my Chimchar hard, sending him flying into the dirt. It pressed on, body glowing and not wasting a single second as it readied another Tackle.
“Sun, Scratch it when it gets close!”
Sun got back up, jumping to his feet and claws glowing in a blind swing. The Starly was swifter however, reacting just in time to stop its momentum and flapping its wings to stay out of reach.
I clicked my tongue. Okay, a frontal attack wasn't working. It was just going to play keep away. Need to try something else.
“Leer! Then pin it when it's distracted!”
Sun’s eyes narrowed into slits, a dark shadow crossing his face. The Starly froze, an uncertainty marring the bird's confidence. My starter rushed forwards, lunging high, his arms locking the Starly’s wings and pinning it down.
I didn't hesitate as Sun slammed his head against it. My hand unclipped a free pokéball, throwing it forward as the Starly cried out in pain.
It connected, taking in the bird and letting Sun fall down onto the grass.
Then it shook.
Once. Twice and… yes!
With a ding to signify my success, I finally did it! I got my first capture!
Yes! My first official win as a trainer!
I whooped in joy and excitement, running forward and scooping up my starter by the arms. I twirled him around, spinning and laughing in celebration. “We did it, Sun! The start of our path to victory!”
If every battle went as smoothly as this, nobody would ever call me a loser anymore!
I set my starter down and picked up the ball. Time to make a new friend!
“Come on out!” Out came my newly-caught Starly and it immediately dived straight for me.
A yelp escaped me and I narrowly avoided a peck. I gritted my teeth, bringing my hands up to cover my face when I tripped. Luckily, Sun was quick to respond, subduing the Starly as it continued to fruitlessly peck and scratch me.
“Chimchar!” my starter growled out.
It struggled in my starter's grip, eyes glaring with rage. “Star! Star! Ly!” the Starly shouted, pointing at me with an accusatory talon.
“Char! Chim chim!” he shouted back, tightening his grip.
“Ly! Star!” It stopped attacking, fully committing all of its attention into the argument.
The two shouted at each other back and forth. Their argument grew more and more animated the longer it went. At this point, I already got back on my feet and was no closer to deciphering their speech than when I was on my back.
It eventually died down and Sun said something that managed to calm it down as he let go. He looked a lot more tired than he was after fighting.
I stood there, awkwardly looking down at the pouting Starly. “Uh, mind telling me what that was about?”
“Starly!” It puffed out its chest, crossing its wings and looking away with a huff.
“Um… yeah I've no clue what you just said.” I glanced at my starter who sighed and proceeded to mime out their argument.
He took on a boxer’s stance and threw a couple jabs.
“A fight?” He nodded, pointing at the Starly. “It wants to fight? No, something else? Fight something? No…” He pointed at the pokéball in my palm. Um... it wanted to fight my pokéball? No, that definitely wasn't it? But it had something to do with–
“Oh! It didn't want to be caught?”
“Starly!” It flew into my face, chirping loudly with an offended expression. It pointed at the pokéball and gestured to itself.
“You’re okay with being caught? Just not during a fight?” I tilted my head. “So what's the problem exactly?”
“Starly star!”
“Chim chim char.”
The two of them cried out in sync, and I could only stand there and watch as they tried their best to convey their needs.
Okay… This wasn't quite what I had in mind for my first day.
Alright.
As it turned out, the Starly just wanted a fight. That was mainly the reason why she had been standing out in the open to begin with.
And because I interfered in her fight against Sun by catching her, she got super mad at me.
At least that's what I thought. I was still a little unsure despite their attempts at translating but I guess the specifics weren't that important. Especially since I managed to convince her to forgive me in exchange for sending her out to fight a couple of battles.
After a quick little break and pondering, I decided to name my new friend, Klick, after a slang for measuring distances. Because like how Sun and I were going to be the brightest star in the world, Klick and I were going to go far!
Klick certainly lived up to her namesake. She was fast, agile, tough, and a real adrenaline junkie. Even after five battles, she was still raring to go. Currently, I was leading her against a Shinx. It was going surprisingly well, I didn't know what I expected when I threw her against an Electric-type but she was a lot more competent than I initially believed. Even without my commands, she was able to dodge and weave through its electric attacks, striking back at just the perfect moment to minimise the damage taken.
Up in the sky, her body glowed a sleeker stream of white, and she dived down, practically disappearing with how fast she moved.
Woah! My eyes lost track of her as she struck the Shinx, knocking it out cold. She landed beside me, holding her head high. “That was an awesome Quick Attack! All we need to do is to practice with it some more and nothing will ever hit you again.”
Klick puffed her chest out, letting out a prideful laugh.
“So, do you forgive me now?” I popped the question.
She made a ‘so-so’ motion with her wing but I took what I could get.
“Alright, now I'm gonna switch you out for Sun. I want him to get a little stronger before we head to the city.”
Hopefully, he could learn Ember before we leave for the city. It'd be a real drag if Scratch was the only move Sun had on him.
I retrieved Klick without any problems and sent Sun out, receiving a determined nod from him as we marched onward.
Hours went by with dozens of beaten Pokémon under my belt. Unfortunately, Sun hadn't quite figured out Ember but he somehow managed Taunt. I bit back the frustration, usually a Chimchar would learn Ember before anything else. I heaved a sigh as I made the tough call to start leaving for the city.
The Sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon, painting the sky in a wide array of oranges and yellow. The city was slowly creeping into my vision and although it was still relatively bright out, the city was slowly lighting up. People and Pokémon of various sizes and shapes mingled under the evening sun with not a care in the world.
The smell hit my sinuses and I grimaced. Yup, that's Jubilife City for ya. Smoky and crisp with a tinge of charred tarmac. Nothing like the salty and ripe air of Sandgem.
Taking a minute to acclimate to the smell, I reached into my bag to pull out a notebook, flipping it open to reveal a checklist. Top priority, of course, was to go find the Pokémon center and register for the gym circuit. After that, I had to write down and double check the things I had to buy before heading for Oreburgh. Mostly potions, more pokéballs, and other miscellaneous utensils.
Probably need a plan for Roark too. A Starly and a Chimchar weren't the best picks for a Rock-type gym but I was sure I'd figure something out later. I flipped through the pages, landing on a small list of suitable encounters near Jubilife. A Budew would work swimmingly if I can find one, or maybe I could go the easy route and train up a Bidoof into Bibarel…
I jotted down the beginnings of a plan as I walked down the streets. The scratching of my pencil grounded me from being dragged around by the city’s noise, and it was always a nice feeling writing down my thoughts.
“Ohohoho! Do my eyes deceive me?”
My hands froze and as my mind fully processed the familiar voice, I tried to reign in my reactions, acting like I didn't hear it. My legs carried me onward, my steps hurrying, maybe if I acted natural she wouldn't–
“Ack!”
An arm wrung around my neck, bringing my head close to an annoyingly familiar warmth. “Cygnie, it is you! I was wondering where you've been. Thought ya forgot what day it was when I didn't see you at the professor earlier!”
I shuffled out of her grasp, glaring with as much irritation as I could possibly muster at the grinning redhead. “Terra.”
“Cygnus,” she said, not at all phased as she copied my annoyed tone with that cheeky smirk.
Terra was a girl, an annoying redhead with long straight hair that hung down to the middle of her back. Her face held her signature smirk, infuriatingly smug and joyous. Her outfit today was… cute, a pretty blue dress that complimented her dainty and delicate figure. It could do without the comically large sunhat though, it made her look like she was more ready for a picnic than a journey.
A sigh escaped my lips. “What do you want?”
“Whaaat? Why do I need something from you to check up on my favouritest rival?” Terra tried to wrap her arm around my neck again but I dodged, leaning away as she continued speaking, undeterred by the attempt. “Y’know, I really did think you weren't gonna make it. Like, you even missed out on our meet-up! And that wasn't mentioning how you flaked on our first rival battle too! You know it's tradition to have your first fight be your rival!”
Was it tradition to have a clingy girl always following him around? But… I guess I did promise something like that. I clenched my fist, pointing a finger at her. “Alright, fine! Let's go then!”
She gasped, her smile somehow became even brighter as she suddenly clasped my hand, her eyelashes fluttering. “Great! Come on, I'll even buy you dinner after I win!”
My traitorous heart skipped a beat at the contact and warmth crept onto my cheeks. “Af-after I win!” I shouted, shoving down that weird warm feeling down the recesses of my mind and trying to regain some face.
“That's the spirit!” She laughed, dragging me by the arm.
I bristled at the contact. “He-hey, I can walk myself!” I tried to pull away but she was a lot stronger than she looked.
“I know.” Her voice was smug and I sputtered out a protest.
In the end, I resigned myself to the ball of energy that was my friend rival. The two of us walked down the streets, hands clasped together as Terra gestured and pointed to the various stores and places around them, talking about how we should check them out after we were done with the battle.
Eventually, we made our way to a stadium of sorts. There were trainers everywhere, some were battling, training, even a few talking about trading but the majority were just chatting and talking about nothing in particular. Though I could somewhat make out important bits and pieces here and there. Battle plans, advice, complimenting each other’s team, most of it generally about how excited they were to finally begin their journey.
I couldn't focus on much on the important parts though when Terra let go of my hand, jumping and waving.
“Yoohoo, Rachel! Over here!”
A blonde girl, she looked a bit older than us, probably a year or so. Though it could also be because of her height, she was a noticeable head taller than me… not that I was jealous of something as stupid as that. My eyes glanced over to Terra, noting that she was still a few inches taller.
Definitely not.
Rachel looked over to us in surprise before she schooled her expression into a composed smile. She walked on over, her stride as confident and cool as the outfit she wore. A leather jacket draped over a black shirt that showed off her midriff and a pair of short jeans. “Yo, Terra! You back for more?”
“Nope. Not this time. Let me introduce you to my bestest and coolest rival! Cygnus Plein!”
I flinched when Rachel turned her gaze towards me. Suddenly I was back in school again, remembering how Terra dragged me in front of class to introduce myself, the judging gazes, the cruel gleam in their smiles– Snap out of it! This is different. She's a person that knows nothing about you! Come on, think of a cool introduction!
“Uh… hi.”
The words came out as stiff as the hand I waved at her. The grin I forced on my face was brittle but it sufficed to distract for the utter cringe my thoughts were swimming in.
Aaaaahh! Really? That was the best I could come up with? Seriously? Am I trying to make her think I'm an idiot that doesn't know how to talk? Aaaaaaahhhh...
“Hi to you too, little dude,” she said, completely unaware of my internal struggles. Rachel winked at me, quiet understanding dancing in her blue eyes as if to say she knew what it was like to be dragged by the whirlwind that was Terra.
And speaking of said whirlwind, Terra diverted our attention with a loud clap of her hands. “Alright! Now that we're all acquainted, you mind playing ref for us, Rachel? It's our first rival battle and well, you know how it is.”
Rachel mulled over the question for a bit, shrugging as she said, “Sure, got nothing better to do.”
Mysterious and cool jacket-rocking girl as referee? Now I couldn't afford to lose.
“Awesome!” Terra turned to me, pulling out a pokéball. “Let's go, standard 1v1 ruleset, capiche?”
I nodded as she dragged me to one of the fields. With a quiet staredown, a spark fizzled between our gaze as an unheard agreement was shared between us.
We took our positions as Rachel stood by the field, arm raised.
“Three.”
My fingers hovered over my starter's ball.
“Two.”
Terra grinned, bouncing with untethered energy.
“And begin!”
Rachel swung her arm down, signalling the start of our battle.
I unclipped my pokéball and we tossed out our starters at the same time.
“Let's do this, Sun!”
“Time to drown ‘em, Bubbles!”
My Chimchar slammed his fists on the ground at the same time her Piplup sprung into battle, a determined gleam in both their eyes.
A Piplup. Of course, she'd pick a Piplup. Whatever. Type advantage wouldn't matter if I planned this smartly.
“Leer!”
“Nuh uh, Growl!” She chuckled, shaking her finger at me. “No debuffs for you!”
I grimaced, one step ahead as usual. Fine, we were at a standstill and she had a bigger advantage over me anyway. “Taunt and then another Leer!”
Sun cocked a grin, mouthing off what I imagined must be the mother of all insults with how red the Piplup’s face was becoming. Bubbles looked absolutely livid and it was a little weird seeing such an unusually aggressive expression on its cutesy face.
“Ooh!” Terra’s smile widened as if she’d received a welcoming surprise. She snapped her fingers, pumping her hands in the air. “Bubbles, try and hold that righteous wrath in, okay? We'll be doing your specialty real soon, Pound!”
“Scratch!”
Sun reared low, claws glowing as Bubbles rushed forwards in a burst of rage, swinging with aggression that belied its cute appearance. My starter struck back, parrying each blow without giving Bubbles an inch.
With an angry shout, Bubbles hastened his swings and Sun responded in earnest. I tried to think of something but aside from telling him to keep Scratching, there wasn't much I could think of as Leer was an easy way to let Sun get overwhelmed.
Terra hollered, mimicking a boxer as she hopped back and forth. “Alright, why don't we kick it up a notch? Bubbles Bubble him!”
My breath hitched as I hissed out a curse. It already knew Bubble? Are you kidding me?!
“Jump back to avoid it and then get back in when it stops!”
“Dual wield! Go go, Bubbles! Don't let him get another hit!”
Dual wield? The hell does that even mean?
Sun leapt away, managing to evade the oncoming bubbles. He rushed in, claws glowing but before he could even land a hit, Bubbles struck back with a Pound, knocking him away and continuing its bubbling assault.
Although Sun was quicker on his feet, being able to dodge a majority of Bubbles’ attacks. Bubbles simply did too much damage for him to handle. Each landed hit from Sun resulted in him getting scraped, grazed by either a glowing flipper or an exploding bubble.
I didn't have many options and Leer was too risky with all those bubbles. Sun was getting exhausted, visibly heaving and body shaking. It didn't take long before he made a misstep, and Bubbles didn't even hesitate to punish him, knocking out my starter in an instant.
As Sun fell to the ground, I returned my starter with a grumble. Another loss. I didn't know why I expected things to be different when we got our starters but it seemed like Terra was still several steps ahead of me.
It stung as badly as the rest. I hated this feeling. The bitter taste of defeat lingered on my tongue. But I didn't let myself succumb to it, I couldn't let it get to me. I just had to try harder next time.
“Cygnus’ Chimchar has been defeated. Victory goes to Terra!” Rachel announced, bringing me back to reality.
“And another flawless victory for Terra the Terrific!” Terra shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth. “And the crowd goes wild! Haa! Haa! Woo! That was fun! You’re a lot stronger than I expected.”
She was posing, her Piplup also joined in as well. They moved in sync like they practiced this routine dozens of times before. Knowing her, she probably did.
Terra walked up to me. It wasn't for money, she vehemently despised taking money for a win. But the mischievous grin on her face told me she was scheming something as she held up a hand. “Give me five!”
I stared at her hand and back to her face.
She stared back, unflinching but deep down, I recognised the mischievous glint barely showing in her eyes. Terra was planning something.
For a second our eyes met, her amber gaze meeting my green glare. I'd like to say that I stood my ground, and was as unflinching as she was. But as I stared into those pretty innocent eyes, my composure crumbled and I raised a reluctant hand.
“Got you!”
It was a trap! I couldn't retract my hand in time before she wrapped her hand around it. I stumbled back but she held me steady before planting a fist on my head as I struggled in her grasp.
After what felt like an excruciating hour of embarrassment, she relented with a cheeky grin, hand still clasped on mine.
“Ahem, now what do we say after battling?” She lowered my arm, intertwining her fingers around mine. Her eyes locked onto mine, gleaming under the twilight sky with a mischievous yet kind twinkle. Her pearl white teeth baring in a grin that bore a teasing joy.
She's so close.
Warmth rushed to my cheeks as I pushed that thought away, focusing on anything but the softness around my hand. “Good game?”
My rival beamed, looking satisfied with my answer as she raised her free hand. “Bye Rachel! I'll see you tomorrow!” She turned back to me, dragging me by the arm. “Come on, I know a place that has the absolute bestest curry!”
Before I could protest, my stomach grumbled, stymying the words before they could form as a different type of warmth crept to my cheeks. Resigning myself to the hurricane in human form, I cast one last pleading glance towards Rachel, mouthing silent words of help.
But the cruel blonde only watched with a delighted smile as if this whole thing was a play and I was starring as the unfortunate protagonist.
Heya, sorry for running late, though I’m here for Catnip. Though I see you have a fresh story, which is apparently a Nuzlocke/death loop narrative. That’s certainly different from what I’m used to from you, so let’s just hop in and see how things are going here:
Chapter 1
Everything hurts.
White hot pain laced across my mind, scattering my thoughts and spinning the world around me. My vision dimmed and muted, sounds grew muffled and distant..
Yeah, I figured. Though if I had a nickel for every story I’ve read from you that had its protagonist die and then come back in literally the first chapter, I’d have two nickels.
Darkness crawled at the edges of my vision, coiling slowly, slowly, seizing me like a prized possession.
I’m not really feeling the underlined as a point of comparison. I wonder if it’d have been more impactful if you rolled something that was more “visual” as a comparison.
My body was trembling but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel my arms nor my legs. Warmth fled my body a long time ago, leaving the hard and cold concrete to chill me down to my very bones.
Damn son, just what sort of mess did you get yourself into before kicking the bucket? And here I thought you were bleeding out in the boonies or something.
I do wonder if it’d have been worth tipping your hand a bit more as to where Cygnus is and what’s going on with him for context if it’s not a giant spoiler, since I’ll admit that things are a bit vague for how we got here at the moment.
Everything felt hollow, empty.
And slowly, slowly…
… my consciousness slipped away into the darkness…
My alarm clock blared with a roar of a thousand howls.
Getting some prime PMMM EP 1 vibes here. Even if I doubt there’s going to be a whole harvesting souls to stave off cosmic entropy angle to this story, I do wonder what’s causing this in-setting.
I awoke with a startled yelp, panic gripping my heart as I flailed my arms and legs. Unfortunately, the blanket covering me did an amazing job in trapping my limbs and I performed an excellent tumble onto the firm wood that was the floor.
“Ow…” I winced, a dull ache pounding my head relentlessly despite the blanket breaking my fall. With a groan, I threw the blanket back onto the bed, rubbing a hand against the bump in my head as I got up. “My head…”
My mind was still groggy but the pain kept my focus from slipping back into the foggy recesses of sleep. I found myself sitting there on the floor, thoughts still reeling from that… that dream? I mean, what else was there to call that? But that dream felt so vivid, so real in a sense that was hard to describe. I swore I could still feel myself laying there on the cold concrete, a tingly sensation seizing my body and ridding me of feeling anything but fog and numbness. I was pretty sure I also heard something that sounded like crying…
Though I wonder if that means that Cygnus died at the first gym in his last loop for this journey.
A sharp sting punctured my attempts at remembering and I winced, silencing the alarm clock. But even without that incessant shrill, I couldn't get a grip on anything but the barest of fragments.
I shuddered, feeling cold despite the morning sun shining from my window. Even with only the vaguest of details, I couldn't get over how… real everything felt. Like I was still laying there, cold, alone, dying…
Cygnus: “Boy it sure would be nice if I could’ve remembered where I died in my dream, since that was some Final Destination-tier stuff going on there.”
Tearing my head away from the dream, I looked around. To my left was a window, and for some stupid reason, I seemed to have left the curtains open, leading to the brilliant sun practically blinding me wherever I turned. My bed was messy, my blanket and pillows scattered and strewn about after my panicked wake up. The ticking of my alarm clock followed my every motion, the time flashing innocently under my gaze.
… Wait.
Wait a second…
I blinked, once, twice. But the number was still the same, still the bright red lights showing–
I take it that Cygnus has pulled an Ash here. Though I do wonder if it’d have made sense to just say what the time was before his whole panicking reaction here.
So, is he also going to get stuck with a Pikachu by the local Professor.
Amidst the panic, a stray thought crept onto my mind. My rival, Terra, must've gotten her starter already. We were talking about this day for the better half of the month, even agreeing to meet up before heading to the lab. If she knew the reason why I wasn't there, she'd never let me live this down.
Ah yes, I see we’re doing all the Ash parallels right now. I take it that we’re going to get some pretty cruel subversions down the road given that this story’s apparently a Nuzlocke tale.
After combing down the Rattata’s nest that was my shaggy brown hair into something respectable, I put on a simple red T-shirt and a pair of brown trousers… or well, tried to. It was admittedly hard to do so when I was running down the stairs. And like an idiot, I promptly lost my balance and fell straight down.
Boy, that must’ve been particularly cursed in the last loop given that that might’ve very well been the last words Cygnus got out before keeling over.
“Cygnus–”
Slamming the door behind me, I sprinted towards my destination. Knowing my mom, she’d find a way to convince me to stay but I needed my starter. I couldn't be late!
I… think it might have been worth being a bit clearer about how far Cygnus had to go to get out the door. Like I take it that the house’s stairs end right next to the door from how quickly he dips out afterwards, but it’d have been nice to have that described a bit more explicitly.
The morning air was dry and fresh, luckily we lived somewhere deeper in Sandgem so I didn't have to trudge through sand whenever I decided to go outside. People mingled about in the streets but thankfully as the day was still young, I didn't have a lot of people I had to worry about. “Sorry! Excuse me! Coming through!” I waded through, finding my opportunity to slip past the steady stream of people and into an alleyway.
I lived in Sandgem Town for practically my entire life so I knew the ins and outs of the place, and the fastest routes to reach the lab. I just had to get through this alleyway, past the park, and I'd be at the Pokémon center where–
Ah, so this is a Sinnoh story. I suppose that explains the “Lost in Distortions” title.
Something stopped me dead still, my momentum ramming straight into and down onto the ground. I winced at the stinging pain in my nose as I fell right onto my butt. “Ow…”
What hit me? There wasn't supposed to be anyone in this alleyway, not with all the trash and gunk. I got back up, a hand rubbing my sore behind as I gave whoever stood in my way a glare.
The man who stared back with a pinched expression froze me right into my roots. He was tall, taller than the professor by half a head and practically twice my height. My breath hitched. The man looked dead, pale as a corpse. His cheeks were sunken, his eyes surrounded by dark rings like he hadn't slept in weeks. Despite his height, he was a skinny and lanky person, more bone than flesh with how his skin-tight suit stretched into his skin.
The sun cast an ominous shadow over him, and his eyes gleamed like silver under the dim lighting. His glare was intense, harshly fierce like he was inspecting a particularly pesky bug.
I took a step back. Who-who was this? Did I just find a ghost? The guy didn't look real. How could a man have bleached blue hair while having skin paler than even Mom? Not to mention the weird outfit like he was trying to cosplay a really weird astronaut.
Oh, it’s Cyrus. Boy is that an ominous way to kick off one’s Pokémon journey. Even if I’m starting to wonder if Cygnus had some divine intervention with that rewinding of time he apparently went through.
The man was quiet, unnaturally still like a broken down machine. I could feel my heart racing as the nerves shook my body. “I–I’m sorry, sir,” I stammered out. “I wasn't looking at where I was going and I uh…”
What should I say? What could I say? I didn't even know if he was going to kill me, eat my brain or… or… His glare didn't diminish in its intensity. And it was horrifying how expressionless his face looked, like he actually was a corpse that somehow retained consciousness.
And yet he managed to max out his Crobat’s friendship stat… somehow.
After what felt like hours of being examined like a lab rat, he finally nodded, leaving without a word and not a single one of his steps making a sound.
Cygnus: “Thank goodness I’m never going to see that creep again.”
When he got out of my sight, I flopped over and fell onto my knees. My heart was racing, my breaths laboured and heavy. “O-okay, scary ghosts in jumpsuits are a thing now.” I joked, more out of habit than anything humourous. My eyes glanced over to where the man vanished into and I stamped down the part of my mind that was curious about who that was.
Though oddly I couldn't help but feel like there was something familiar about the man. Like I had met him before.
Oh, so that’s how Cygnus’ last death went, huh? Though given that he heard sirens, I’m guessing that he didn’t make it anywhere close to Mount Coronet before he bit it.
I shook my head. No! I was not going down a spooky alleyway, chasing after a shady skeleton man. That sounded like a horrible idea.
And how considering that you’re very, very much not prepared to take on Cyrus at the moment. ^^;
Taking in deep, calming breaths, I let the nerves run through its course before returning to the task at hand. I had to keep going. I still had a starter to get.
A lot slower though. Who knew if there were any more scary jumpsuit ghosts out there.
My exhausted shout drew the attention of everyone towards me. The lab assistants chatting to each other, the janitor cleaning in the corner and more notably, Professor Rowan and Lucas turned away from their conversation to look at me, neither of whom bothered to hide their surprise.
Oh, so Lucas is Rowan’s assistant in this continuity, huh? I wonder if there’s also a Dawn or not.
My lungs felt like they were on fire as my legs dragged me across the room. I really shouldn't have skipped gym class. Ugh, I regretted everything!
“I'm… I'm not too late, right?”
Rowan and Lucas glanced at one another. The professor’s fuzzy eyebrows furrowed in displeasure or well… It was honestly a little hard to gauge his reaction since his default expression looked like he was always displeased about everything.
Shots fired. Though at least he looks less perpetually angry than the likes of Drayden? ^^;
Lucas, though, was a lot more expressive. An uncomfortable frown lining his face as he turned. “Well, you are over two hours later than expected.” He forced out a chuckle. “We didn't think you’d even show up.”
“And I did! I’m right here, aren't I?” I panted. “Please please please please tell me you have a starter left!”
Receiving his full attention, I stepped back, feeling the words stuck in my throat. “It-it wasn't on purpose, Professor! I was just so excited to start my journey that I couldn't sleep and–and my alarm clock didn't wake me up even though I was sure I set it and–”
He held up a hand. “I'm sorry, Cygnus. I handed out the last of my starters over an hour ago.”
“No… this can't be...” I must've heard him wrong. He couldn't be out, he couldn't!
“Cygnus. You were nearly three hours late,” he said, body unmoving like a statue. “Now I understand what it's like to receive your first Pokémon, let alone something as rare as a regional starter and while I could excuse being a bit later than the planned meet up.” He sighed. “I cannot excuse someone for being later than an hour, let alone three. And you should know that I am a very busy man, I don't have time to waste merely standing around.”
Harsh, but he’s not wrong. Especially when in life, you’re lucky to get people waiting for you for 30 minutes for anything related to a business or commercial transaction.
I could hardly hear the end of his speech over the raging denials swirling in my head. This couldn't be real. It just couldn't be. All that time spent waiting, all that hard work and effort spent studying to even get a chance at this, all my plans and dreams. All of it was going to waste because I couldn't wake up.
I…
Tears welled up in my eyes but I dropped my head to hide them. Now wasn't the time nor place. I couldn't let them see me like this.
Wait, wait, wait. How old is Cygnus anyways? Since just saying, most schoolkids I can think of would pretty openly cry about getting their dreams smashed like this.
“Yeah… I guess…” I managed to make it not sound like I was about to break apart.
The professor took in a breath, his voice softening. [ ]
“Look, boy. I could try asking for another batch but I can't guarantee it'll be here before next week.”
Next week? I hid the grimace behind a sigh. I'd be so far behind but it was better than nothing. Professor Rowan was giving me a chance here.
I feel like it makes sense to expand on Rowan’s reaction here. Though I suppose that’s one sign that Cygnus is definitely a young’un, since being delayed by a week is significantly less of an inherent “world is ending” thing once you’re getting up into adulthood, but I can buy it seeming that way to a kid.
I bowed low, a textbook perfect ninety degrees angle and showing my sincerest gratitude to the professor. “Thank you.”
With those quiet words, I took my leave with hurried steps, only slowing down after I was a couple of blocks away from the lab. My vision was blurry with tears but I didn't need to see properly to keep walking.
Whelp, looks like you’re going to be going straight back home and doing homework and watching cartoons for a week. Or at least you would be if your author didn’t have anything to say about it, even if I wonder how on earth you’ll get out of this one here.
I clenched a fist, the despair quickly turning into rage as I rounded into an alleyway. My feet collided with a piece of trash and that broke down my self-control as I kicked a nearby bin. Nrgh! I was mad, so damn pissed at myself for being such an idiot.
If I hadn't stayed up so late, if I had set my alarm properly, if I hadn't woken up so late! I would've gotten my starter already and beaten my rival to the curb! What was wrong with me? I knew today was gonna be the greatest day of my life and yet–
I didn't know how long I'd spent venting my frustrations on the poor things here. But I was tired and hungry, my stomach protesting my poor decisions as I left the alleyway. I wasn't looking forward to my mom’s scolding but I didn't have a choice. She’d get worse if I spent more time out here without anything to show for.
“...!”
I sighed, dragging my feet into slow and dejected steps. My mom was going to kill me when I got back. I mean, I slammed the door, cut her off and practically just ditched her. And that wasn't even mentioning the fact that I couldn't even get a starter. It took a lot to earn her trust to let me handle things myself again and yet, not even a month had passed and I let her down.
Lucas, the professor’s assistant, was running at me. Lugging a briefcase in his hands and waving it recklessly. I opened my mouth to say something but after he nearly hit a nearby pedestrian a second time, I was afraid it would be me next.
He came to a stop, huffing and puffing. For a minute, I let him catch his breath before speaking. “What do you want?”
Oh, Cygnus is going to wind up getting a starter after all, huh? Since I recognize that briefcase.
Thankfully, Lucas didn't look offended by my tone or maybe he just didn't notice it, he was clumsy like that. He propped up the briefcase, popping it open. “I just remembered that we had one left, Cygnus. A starter.”
I think that it probably would’ve been worth showing off a bit more of Cygnus’ thought process here since he’s getting a very abrupt positive surprise that he wasn’t expecting and it’d have been interesting to see the cogs turn in his head a bit more.
Though wait, was there really another starter waiting around all this time, or is this just the leftover from the batch that Dawn and Barry went through?
Huh? But I thought they said–no, questioning things might make this second chance disappear. I blinked, letting my gaze settle on the single pokéball inside, glee fluttering in my stomach.
“Yeah.” He took it out and handed it to me. “It might not be what you wanted but–”
“I'll take it!” I snatched the ball off of his hands. This was perfect! I had a starter! I finally had a starter! I was so happy I was bouncing on the soles of my feet, practically squeeing in joy.
Lucas chuckled softly, he was a lot less animated than he usually was but I was too distracted by the fact that I had my starter! “Well, I'm glad you're happy. But make sure to take good care of the little guy, alright?”
Okay, yeah, this is totally that starter that Dawn and Barry didn’t take. Even if that kinda sucks for Lucas given that that means that now he’s without a Pokémon unless he caught something on top of whoever this is since then.
“Heh, who do you think I am? Of course I'll take good care of ‘em!” I shuffled my feet, pointing a finger to the sky. “‘cause you're looking at the next biggest thing! You hear me? I'll become one of the best there is! Even better than Cynthia herself!”
“Hah, sure.” His lips lifted slightly as he threw one last glance at the pokéball and he nodded. “Okay, I better head back now. The professor has plans for a big trip later and I'll have to finish some paperwork before we leave.”
Oh boy must that have sucked for Lucas in the last loop. Give away your Pokémon to the late kid, who just turns around and gets it and himself killed the very next day.
“Okay, see ya!” I waved goodbye to the boy. Taking in a breath, I turned my attention back to the ball in my hand, feeling the smooth and hard surface. I couldn't believe it but the weight was real.
I had a starter.
My very own… [ ]
Hopefully, Mom wouldn't be too mad once she learns about this.
I wilted under her fierce glare, my face paling further as her lecture continued. I knew she'd be mad but I didn't think she’d somehow stretch it into something that lasted for nearly an hour. At this rate, it’d take me until tomorrow to finally start my journey.
Though I do wonder if it’d have been worth using the narration to elaborate a bit on what exactly the general topic of Cygnus’ mom’s lecture was about, since it’s admittedly a bit vague ATM.
“I shouldn't slam doors in a hurry nor should I leave without finishing my food.” Her eyebrow was still raised. “And I should go to sleep early if I have to do something in the morning.”
“Good.” She nodded with a satisfied look. “Now, I hope you're fine with having reheated bacon and pancakes because that's what you'll be having after running off like that.”
Not really feeling the inline comment there. I would recommend at minimum moving the “It wasn’t the end of the world” part after the line from Cygnus there.
She tapped me on the shoulder, drawing my attention. [ ]
“Look, sweetie. I know how much you've been looking forward to this day and I'm happy you got your starter.” A gentle smile creased her features. “It’s just… next time, try and stay with me a little longer before running off like that, okay?”
So, just how quickly are things going to become a disaster given how quickly Cygnus’ last attempt at being a trainer went sideways?
Today, I stood out here as a trainer, alone on a path with only my starter to accompany me.
The pokéball in my hand gleamed under the sun’s rays as I threw it open.
Sun, my Chimchar, came out with a roar of his name, planting his fists deep into the dirt. He gave his surroundings a quick scan and after finding nothing of note, he turned to me with a puzzled expression. “Char?”
I wonder if Chimchar’s mannerisms will be obvious enough for it to become apparent that he’s used to taking orders from a very different face. Not that Cygnus is likely to realize that until much later on.
“Okay, Sun. As the starter of the up and coming future champion of Sinnoh–no the whole world! I am going to train you to be the very best! And that means we'll be spending every moment of our lives getting stronger! And to do so, we must first do what every famous trainer does when they're on a route.” I looked around, a smile stretching my cheeks as I pointed at our first opponent.
Is that supposed to be Cygnus’ nickname for Chimchar, there? If so, it probably makes sense to establish in narration before this that that’s what Cygnus was doing and a bit of his thought process behind the name choice.
Out in the distance, in a clear field of patched dirt, there was a Starly pecking away at the ground.
I turned to Sun and relayed my plan.
My starter let out an affirmative cry, nodding along with my strategy.
Which was…? Like I get that it doesn’t make sense to go into super detail about a strategy here before it executes, but I do wonder if there should’ve been at least a general description either in the narration or via Cygnus’ dialogue.
Alright! Let's do this! I watched as Sun snuck up on it, using the tall grass to his advantage until–
“Star!” The Starly cried out in pain, reeling away as Sun clawed it across its face.
It recovered fast from the surprise attack, but instead of running away. It glared at Sun, eyes filled with a vengeful pride. Charging forward with a battle cry, its body glowed a fierce white.
I feel like some of the underlined should’ve come a bit earlier, even if it was in an “immediately after the Starly’s cry” capacity, since I’m not sure if I’m feeling the implicit reveal that Sun snuck up on the Starly in the present dialogue.
It's fast. I didn't have the chance to react before it struck my Chimchar hard, sending him flying into the dirt. It pressed on, not wasting its opportunity as it readied another Tackle.
“Sun, Scratch it when it gets close!”
Sun stood back up, trying to retaliate but the Starly was swifter, evading his swings and staying back.
I clicked my tongue. A frontal attack wasn't working. Need to try something else.
I feel like we’re not really getting a good enough visualization of how this is playing out, since it feels very high-level and summarized at the moment.
“Leer! Then pin it when it's distracted!”
Sun’s eyes narrowed into slits, a dark look crossing his face. The Starly froze, an uncertainty marring the bird’s confidence. My starter took the opportunity to rush forward, arms locking the Starly’s wings and pinning it down.
I didn't hesitate as Sun slammed his head against it. My hand unclipped a free pokéball, throwing it forward as the Starly cried out in pain.
It connected, taking in the bird and letting Sun fall down onto the grass.
Oh, so the Pokéballs in this setting make the same chime that they do in PokéAni. I suppose that would definitely be a bit easier to hear from a distance than the “click” noise they do in the games.
Yes! My first official win as a trainer!
I whooped in joy and excitement, running forward and scooping up my starter by the arms. I twirled him around, spinning and laughing in celebration. “We did it, Sun! The start of our path to victory!”
If every battle went as smoothly as this, nobody would ever call me a loser anymore!
A yelp escaped me and I narrowly avoided a peck. I gritted my teeth, bringing my hands up to cover my face when I tripped. Luckily, Sun was quick to respond, subduing the Starly as it continued to fruitlessly peck and scratch me.
Yeeeeeeeah, should’ve waited a bit more for that bird to calm down, Cygnus. Though per the rules of Nuzlockes, congratulations on your second party member.
[ ]
“Star! Star! Ly!” the Starly shouted, pointing at me with an accusatory talon.
“Char! Chim chim!” he shouted back, tightening his grip.
“Ly! Star!” It stopped attacking, fully committing all of its attention into the argument.
Wait, the Starly is doing this in the middle of attempting to peck and scratch Cygnus? Or is it calming down and backing off? Since something about this feels like it’s missing a transition here.
The two shouted at each other back and forth. Their argument grew more and more animated the longer it went. At this point, I already got back on my feet and was no closer to deciphering their speech than when I was on my back.
I think that Cygnus’ thought process here should be a bit more of a process since he zeroes in very abruptly on “oh, it didn’t want to be caught” in spite of starting out fairly distant from that conclusion at the beginning.
“Starly!” It flew into my face, chirping loudly with an offended expression. It pointed at the pokéball and gestured to itself.
“You’re okay with being caught? Just not during a fight?” I tilted my head. “So what's the problem exactly?”
“Starly star!”
“Chim chim char.”
The two of them cried out in sync, and I could only stand there and watch as they tried their best to convey their needs.
Okay… This wasn't quite what I had in mind for my first day.
Cygnus: “Um… I don’t suppose you two could try drawing things out for clarity? Since I’m not sure the readers will really get what’s going on either.” ^^;
Alright.
As it turned out, the Starly just wanted a fight. That was mainly the reason why she had been standing out in the open to begin with.
And because I interfered in her fight against Sun by catching her, she got super mad at me.
Starly: “*So… are you going to let me go, or…?*” >v>;
At least that's what I thought. I was still a little unsure despite their attempts at translating but I guess the specifics weren't that important. Especially since I managed to convince her to forgive me in exchange for sending her out to fight a couple of battles.
After a quick little break and pondering, I decided to name my new friend, Klick, after a slang for measuring distances. Because like how Sun and I were going to be the brightest star in the world, Klick and I were going to go far!
Priorities™! Though at least it was handy for smoothing over that rocky start there.
Klick certainly lived up to her namesake. She was fast, agile, tough, and a real adrenaline junkie. Even after five battles, she was still raring to go. Currently, I was leading her against a Shinx. It was going surprisingly well, I didn't know what I expected when I threw her against an Electric-type but she was a lot more competent than I initially believed. Even without my commands, she was able to dodge and weave through its electric attacks, striking back at just the perfect moment to minimise the damage taken.
Okay, yeah, given that this is a Nuzlocke-themed story, I can already tell that Klick won’t be long for this world.
I do wonder if the flow of battle here feels a bit too “summarized” at the moment and if we’d have been better off seeing more of the actual flow of the battle play out.
Up in the sky, her body glowed an elegant white, and she dived down, disappearing into a white blur.
Woah! My eyes lost track of her as she struck the Shinx, knocking it out cold. She landed beside me, holding her head high.
“That was an awesome Quick Attack! All we need to do is to practice with it some more and nothing will ever hit you again.”
Ditto here. Though don’t make me bust out that one Bender gif I use every now and then, Cygnus, since there’s only so far that Quick Attack goes in the metagame.
Klick puffed her chest out, letting out a prideful laugh.
“So, do you forgive me now?” I popped the question.
She made a ‘so-so’ motion with her wing but I took what I could get.
I think that this section probably would’ve made sense to give a bit more acknowledgement of what, if any, progress Sun has been making here.
I retrieved Klick without any problems and sent Sun out, receiving a determined nod from him as we marched onward.
The day went by pretty fast as we fought our way through. Unfortunately, even though we fought a decent bunch of wild Pokémon, Sun hadn't quite figured out Ember but he somehow managed Taunt. I bit back the frustration, usually a Chimchar would learn Ember before anything else. I heaved a sigh as I made the tough call to start leaving for the city.
The Sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon, painting the sky in a wide array of oranges and yellow. The city was slowly creeping into my vision and although it was still relatively bright out, the city was slowly lighting up. People and Pokémon of various sizes and shapes mingled under the evening sun with not a care in the world.
I’m not sure if I’m really feeling this abrupt skipahead in time here, since “The day went by pretty fast” part admittedly doesn’t really sell a good sense of time passing. Dunno if it’d work better with an extension, or else with a hard scene cut.
The smell hit my sinuses and I grimaced. Yup, that's Jubilife City for ya. Smoky and crisp with a tinge of charred tarmac.
[ ] I reached into my bag to pull out a notebook, flipping it open to reveal a checklist. Top priority, of course, was to go find the Pokémon center and register for the gym circuit. After that, I had to write down and double check the things I had to buy before heading for Oreburgh. Mostly potions, more pokéballs, and other miscellaneous utensils.
I think that it probably makes sense to have Cygnus react a bit more to the “ew”-ness of the smell before he continues on. Though I take it that he’s not used to air that isn’t constantly super fresh and unpolluted, huh?
Probably need a plan for Roark too. A Starly and a Chimchar weren't the best picks for a Rock-type gym but I was sure I'd figure something out later. I flipped through the pages, landing on a small list of suitable encounters near Jubilife. A Budew would work swimmingly if I can find one, or maybe I could go the easy route and train up a Bidoof into Bibarel…
I think that you should focus more on getting good at training your existing Pokémon given that Klick still hasn’t fully forgiven you over the circumstances of her capture.
I jotted down the beginnings of a plan as I walked down the streets. The scratching of my pencil grounded me from being dragged around by the city’s noise, and it was always a nice feeling writing down my thoughts.
My hands froze and as my mind fully processed the familiar voice, I tried to reign in my reactions, acting like I didn't hear it. My legs carried me onward, my steps hurrying, maybe if I acted natural she wouldn't–
“Ack!”
An arm wrung around my neck, bringing my head close to an annoyingly familiar warmth. “Cygnie, it is you! I was wondering where you've been. Thought ya forgot what day it was when I didn't see you at the professor earlier!”
Yeah, I figured. Though I see that Terra’s cut from the “friendly rival” mold kinda like Barry.
I shuffled out of her grasp, glaring with as much irritation as I could possibly muster at the grinning redhead. “Terra.”
“Cygnus,” she said, not at all phased as she copied my annoyed tone with that cheeky smirk.
Terra was a girl, an annoying redhead with long straight hair that hung down to the middle of her back. Her face held her signature smirk, infuriatingly smug and joyous. Her outfit today was… cute, a pretty blue dress that complimented her dainty and delicate figure. It could do without the comically large sunhat though, it made her look like she was more ready for a picnic than a journey.
“Whaaat? Why do I need something from you to check up on my favouritest rival?” Terra tried to wrap her arm around my neck again but I dodged, leaning away as she continued speaking, undeterred by the attempt. “Y’know, I really did think you weren't gonna make it. Like, you even missed out on our meet-up! And that wasn't mentioning how you flaked on our first rival battle too! You know it's tradition to have your first fight be your rival!”
Was it tradition to have a clingy girl always following him around? But… I guess I did promise something like that. I clenched my fist, pointing a finger at her.
Though this was how Cygnus bit it last time, wasn’t it?
She gasped, her smile somehow became even brighter as she suddenly clasped my hand, her eyelashes fluttering. “Great! Come on, I'll even buy you dinner after I win!”
My traitorous heart skipped a beat at the contact and warmth crept onto my cheeks. “Af-after I win!” I shouted, shoving down that weird warm feeling down the recesses of my mind and trying to regain some face.
“That's the spirit!” She laughed, dragging me by the arm.
Whelp, time to see just how much of a disaster this will be, since Cygnus didn’t exactly give me strong vibes of being really ready for serious battles right now. [copyka2]
[ ]
“He-hey, I can walk myself!” I tried to pull away but she was a lot stronger than she looked.
“I know.” Her voice was smug and I sputtered out a protest.
In the end, I resigned myself to the ball of energy that was my friend rival. The two of us walked down the streets, hands clasped together as Terra gestured and pointed to the various stores and places around them, talking about how we should check them out after we were done with the battle.
See, she is doing the ‘friendly rival’ shtick. Even if I saw a moment where it probably would’ve made sense to expand on Cygnus’ thought process a bit more than you presently do.
Eventually, we made our way to a stadium of sorts. There were trainers everywhere, some were battling, training, even a few talking about trading but the majority were just chatting and talking about nothing in particular. Though I could somewhat make out important bits and pieces here and there. Battle plans, advice, complimenting each other’s team, most of it generally about how excited they were to finally begin their journey.
I couldn't focus on much on the important parts though when Terra let go of my hand, jumping and waving.
“Yoohoo, Rachel! Over here!”
A blonde girl, she looked a bit older than us, probably a year or so. Though it could also be because of her height, she was a noticeable head taller than me… not that I was jealous of something as stupid as that. My eyes glanced over to Terra, noting that she was still a few inches taller.
Oh, hello, that’s a new face there. Though Cygnus is totally jealous right now, don’t even try to deny it, buddy. >:V
Rachel looked over to us in surprise before she schooled her expression into a composed smile. She walked on over, her stride as confident and cool as the outfit she wore. A leather jacket draped over a black shirt that showed off her midriff and a pair of short jeans.
“Yo, Terra! You back for more?”
“Nope. Not this time. Let me introduce you to my bestest and coolest rival! Cygnus Plein!”
Rachel: “... I think you can do better, honestly.” ^^;
I flinched when Rachel turned her gaze towards me. Suddenly I was back in school again, remembering how Terra dragged me in front of class to introduce myself, the judging gazes, the cruel gleam in their smiles– Snap out of it! This is different. She's a person that knows nothing about you! Come on, think of a cool introduction!
“Uh… hi.”
[ ]
Great choice of words. Wow, I've no idea how I came up with that.
Another spot where IMO, it probably makes sense to have a bit more of Cygnus’ indirect thoughts before he pipes up with his direct ones.
“Hi to you too, little dude,” she said, winking at me in quiet understanding as if to say she knew what it was like to be dragged by the whirlwind that was Terra. [ ]
“Alright!” Terra clapped. “Now that we're all acquainted, you mind playing ref for us, Rachel? It's our first rival battle and well, you know how it is.”
Something about your transition back to Terra feels very abrupt here. It might have been worth showing off some of Cygnus’ reaction before he notices Terra drawing his attention or something.
Rachel mulled over the question for a bit, shrugging as she said, “Sure, got nothing better to do.”
[ ]
“Awesome!” Terra turned to me, pulling out a pokéball. “Let's go, standard 1v1 ruleset, capiche?”
No reaction from Cygnus about how he feels about Rachel agreeing to this or else him trying to mentally prepare himself for battle?
I nodded as she dragged me to one of the fields. With a quiet staredown, a spark fizzled between our gaze as an unheard agreement was shared between us.
We took our positions as Rachel stood by the field, arm raised.
Whelp, time to see whether we get our first nasty surprise in the story here given all the content warnings for this story. Since I can’t tell if this is going to stay a cute moment or take a hard swerve into
in about a minute.
Rachel swung her arm down, signalling the start of our battle.
I unclipped my pokéball and we tossed out our starters at the same time.
“Let's do this, Sun!”
“Time to drown ‘em, Bubbles!”
[ ] A Piplup. Of course, she'd pick a Piplup. Whatever. Type advantage wouldn't matter if I planned this smartly.
It will if she out-trained you, just saying. Though I feel that it probably would’ve made sense to describe more of seeing the actual process of Bubbles coming out onto the field there.
“Leer!”
“Nuh uh, Growl!” She chuckled. “No debuffs for you!”
I grimaced, one step ahead as usual. Fine, we were at a standstill and she had a bigger advantage over me anyway. “Taunt and then another Leer!”
Sun cocked a grin, mouthing off what I imagined must be the mother of all insults with how red the Piplup’s face was becoming. Bubbles looked absolutely livid and it was a little weird seeing such an unusually aggressive expression on its cutesy face.
So, more or less weird than the various faces that Iris’ Dragonite makes in the anime? ^^;
“Ooh!” Terra’s smile widened as if she’d received a welcoming surprise. “Bubbles, try and hold that righteous wrath in, okay? We'll be doing your specialty real soon, Pound!”
“Scratch!”
Sun and Bubbles engaged each other. Bubbles striking with glowing flippers as Sun parried and countered with glowing claws. Despite Bubbles’ weakened defense, they were roughly equal. Neither one seemed to hold too much of an advantage over the other.
Also not really feeling this battle description at the moment. I think the primary issue that I see with it is that it doesn’t really sell a firm sense of motion and relative location between these two.
[ ]
“Alright, why don't we kick it up a notch? Bubbles, Bubble him!”
Another spot where it probably makes sense to show a bit more of Cygnus’ thoughts here.
“Dual wield! Go go, Bubbles! Don't let him get another hit!”
Dual wield? The hell does that even mean?
Sun leapt away, managing to evade the oncoming bubbles. He rushed in, claws glowing but before he could even land a hit, Bubbles struck back with a Pound, knocking him away and continuing its bubbling assault.
Although Sun was quicker on his feet, being able to dodge a majority of Bubbles’ attacks. Bubbles simply did too much damage for him to handle. Each landed hit from Sun resulted in him getting scraped, grazed by either a glowing flipper or an exploding bubble.
I didn't have many options and Leer was too risky with all those bubbles. Sun was getting exhausted, visibly heaving and body shaking. It didn't take long before he made a misstep, and Bubbles didn't even hesitate to punish him, knocking out my starter in an instant.
As Sun fell to the ground, I returned my starter with a grumble. Another loss. I didn't know why I expected things to be different when we got our starters but it seemed like Terra was still several steps ahead of me.
Is Sun ever going to get back up again given that this is a Nuzlocke fic? Though does this mean that Cygnus managed to get Lucas' Chimchar killed in literal hours after being gifted him?
It stung as badly as the rest. I hated this feeling. The bitter taste of defeat lingered on my tongue. But I didn't let myself succumb to it, I couldn't let it get to me. I just had to try harder next time.
Wait, so is Cygnus going to straight up die again in the first chapter, or-?
“Cygnus’ Chimchar has been defeated. Victory goes to Terra!” Rachel announced, bringing me back to reality.
“And another flawless victory for Terra the Terrific!” Terra shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth. “And the crowd goes wild! Haa! Haa! Woo! That was fun! You’re a lot stronger than I expected.”
Oh, well. Guess Cygnus staves off the Reaper for another day.
She was posing, her Piplup also joined in as well. They moved in sync like they practiced this routine dozens of times before. Knowing her, she probably did.
Terra walked up to me. It wasn't for money, she vehemently despised taking money for a win. But the mischievous grin on her face told me she was scheming something as she held up a hand. “Give me five!”
I think that you should describe a bit more of what’s going on in this part for the sort of “trap” that Terra is subjecting Cygnus to, since it’s a bit unclear to me at the moment.
“Ahem, now what do we say after battling?” She lowered my arm, intertwining her fingers around mine. Her eyes locked onto mine, gleaming under the twilight sky with a mischievous yet kind twinkle. Her pearl white teeth baring in a grin that bore a teasing joy.
My rival beamed, looking satisfied with my answer as she raised her free hand. “Bye Rachel! I'll see you tomorrow!” She turned back to me, dragging me by the arm. “Come on, I know a place that has the absolute bestest curry!”
The protest died in my throat before I could even manage the words. Resigning myself to the hurricane in human form, I cast one last pleading glance towards Rachel, mouthing silent words of help.
But the cruel blonde only watched with a delighted smile as if this whole thing was a play and I was starring as the unfortunate protagonist.
I mean… you kinda are even if you don’t realize it just yet, Cygnus. Even if that makes me wonder if Sun will wind up coming back in the next chapter unlike a normal Nuzlocke or not, since that sure felt really friendly and chipper for a moment where in a Nuzlocke, Sun would just be dead right now.
Alright, made it to the end. I thought that you had a pretty neat concept for a story here for a Nuzlocke in which the human is affected as well, and failure is not the end of things but the beginning of something new. The opening I thought was particularly strong since it did a good job of selling the sense of “life through the eyes of a dying kid”, along with the subsequent panic the next day of Cygnus pulling an Ash and making a mad rush to try and get his starter. I thought the characters in the story established themselves pretty well, both the OCs and also Cyrus, who pulls off a deeply unsettling vibe in the narrow window where we run into him.
That said, I did notice a couple things that stood out to me as issues. First and foremost was that there were parts of this story that felt a bit underdescribed, and as such, made some moments feel like they transitioned abruptly and others a bit hard to gauge what was going on. I admittedly feel that the depicted battles in the chapter were one of the more affected portions, since they admittedly felt more summarized than “actively unfolding” at times, which I think sucked a bit of the excitement out from watching them unfold. I do wonder if you had a bit of a missed opportunity not establishing “yeah, this is a Nuzlocke” at the very end of your opening chapter by something like Cygnus going to the local Pokécenter and getting a nasty shock or else even hinting that something was very wrong, since the ending admittedly felt like it would’ve been right at home in a conventional and more lighthearted story, which felt a little at odds with the opening and the description in the summary.
I’ll leave it to you to decide which of my recommendations you’ll action on, if any. But I feel that on balance, that this was a respectable opening chapter @ShiniGojira , and I’ll be looking forward to seeing where you go with this concept.
