Pokémon Journey

[JFought]

I’m here from Catnip! It looks like this is a special episode one-shot in the the Journey-verse, and centering around Tobias, too! I’m interested to see your take on him, since he didn’t get a lot of characterization in the anime, so there’s a lot of places you can take him. It’s also suitably spooky for Halloween even if I’m a bit late for that. Anyway, onto thoughts!

Thoughts on Nightmare

• So this is set in Alamos Town from Rise of Darkrai? That’s a neat decision! It makes sense to tie together the two times Darkrai appeared in the anime together like this. We even have some of the characters! Alberto is there, Tonio is dead, and Alice gets to cameo later. You definitely seem to be going for a medieval vibe, with the way everyone talks and the reserved use of technology in this story, which does lend well to the kind of tone you seem to be going for here.
  
  
• A simple thing, but I like how you set up Darkrai and Tobias' relationship in the beginning here. I get the feeling that they just spend their time vibing here, and they both really value this, hence Darkrai's protectiveness when Alberto accuses him of murder.
  
  
• Our villain, Alter!Tobias appears! I liked the way you built up to him, with Tobias mistaking him for Darkrai at first. The time the story takes to reveal who he is is well spent both on making him threatening and on really establishing what Darkrai is capable of. And I love the imagery of these two shadows duking it out in the shadows cast by Tobias’ lantern. In general Darkrai’s powerset as it’s established in this one-shot is really cool and fitting. Really leans into the darkness theme well while also leaning hard into the ideas M10 brought forth regarding how Darkrai might work.
  
  
• There are some points where the prose feels a bit repetitive. It’s kind of hard to put a finger on, since most of the instances are hard fixes, but to give an idea of what I mean:
  

  Of course, tonight's particular brand of darkness had a strange quality to it. It shifted and undulated, morphing in the scant light cast by the sleepy rural town. Sinister shadow crept into Alamos on the wind, visible against the backdrop of the stars.
  
  Tobias rose from his chair on the porch of his small home on the edge of the cemetery. He sat out in the dark every night the weather permitted it. He liked the simplicity of the night and appreciated the constellations as he watched the sky. He even liked the clouds at night, though he privately dismayed that they blocked out the stars.
  
  Tobias did not like this strange darkness that slunk through the sky and blotted out the night. He scowled at the unnatural darkness and knew that something terrible had come to Alamos.
  
  A shadowed figure sat perched upon the roof of his home, watching the moon disappear behind the darkness of an all-consuming night. Tobias felt unease as a cold shiver ran down his spine.

  We have two consecutive paragraphs that end on stars, three sentences in a row that use night, and while I don't necessarily disagree with the heavy use of dark and darkness in this story due to the theming, it does get a bit overbearing at times and I think this passage is an example of that. This is the only writing of yours I've really been exposed to, so I don't know if this is a bad habit you have or just specific to this story, but regardless, it's something to watch out for because the repetition has the effect of making this passage come across as redundant and somewhat stilted. There are also smaller scale instances I've noticed:
  

  They were dressed in all black and a casket was sat upon their shoulders. A small procession walked behind them, all clad in black with their faces covered.

  I get that these are two different groups, but describing them individually as being dressed in black comes across as redundant even though this is true. It's like if I took a group of blonde characters and went "this is x, he is blonde. y is next to him, he is blonde. there is z, who is blonde." Even if you don't want to just say "everyone was dressed in black," at the very least there should be some continuity between sentences that acknowledges that we just described someone else as being dressed in black. "this is x, he is blonde. y, who is also blonde, is next to him" isn't like perfect writing or anything, but it works a way better than the first example. There are also some instances where the repetition feels like an oversight, such as this one:
  

  Cynthia gasped and bowed her head in reverence. She fell to her knees and lowered her voice in reverence.

  In general is seems to me like you need to pay more attention to what the prose has already established so that you can avoid redundancies like this. I don't think every instance is an easy fix like this one, though, and it'll require a lot of discretion on your part.
  
  
• That isn't to say that every instance of repetition in this story doesn't work. I mentioned that I do think it makes sense to focus so much on the darkness due to the theming, and there are some passages where the repetition really works:
  

  Darkrai knew at once that he had to rescue his friend. He knew that he would fall back into shadow and death without Tobias and he did not want to. He looked back at the small house, ignoring the corpses strewn about the path. He would save his friend. Darkrai would not fall. Not now, not ever again. He had a friend once more. He would save his friend.

  I really like this passage. The repetition here works very well to get across Darkrai's train of thought and strength of resolve, and is a good example of how it can be used to enhance the story. On average I would say your prose is pretty good, the use of vocabulary here adds to *vibe* that I mentioned and you have lot of great imagery. It's really just those occasional moments of redundancy that bring it down a bit.
  
  
• Darkrai gets provoked, and in his rage kills a bunch of people! I feel a bit mixed about this. On one hand, I think this makes sense. Darkrai’s super stressed right now and really doesn’t want to deal with these guys, and it’s established that he’s very dangerous to others and depends on Tobias to act as his anchor and keep him grounded. And at this point we’re supposed to be drawing greater parallels between Alter!Tobias and our main duo. Of course Darkrai’s mistakes would lead to problems later on, and of course Alter!Tobias would be the one to take advantage of them. But on the other hand, it was hard to feel that in the moment. Like, there was setup that led to this, and it sets up for something later on, but it doesn’t quite feel like it comes together. I think it’s because overall I’m wanting to see how this fits into Darkai’s arc, but the story doesn’t really dwell on this for as much as I’d like. The zombies end up being more of a backdrop to the climax than anything else and the idea that Darkrai is haunted by this is only acknowledged one more time, and it makes this scene feel inconsequential. It should be a big moment for his character that sets up for something important, but that “something” ends up being glossed over in the climax in favor of Tobias stuff. I don't know if I communicated that well, it was a bit hard to put into words, but it might make more sense later.
  
  
• We presumably meet Alice again for a short moment (I’m not sure why she’s here though), and then learn that Alter!Tobias’ goal is Oracion. It’s an interesting goal to shoot for, and plays into the M10 theming even harder, which I like. There’s this driving question of why he’s after Oracion, especially given that Tobias doesn’t seem to know what it is. At first I wasn’t sure what you were going for, but looking back now I think I like the way it was handled. We learn in the ending this is just a small part of a grander scheme, and the feeling that we don’t even know what Alter!Tobias actually wants lends to that intrigue really well. Like there’s something larger at play behind the scenes that could be motivating him.
  
  
• Damn, you really don’t like Alberto, huh?! We reach the climax, and things do get pretty tense! I did already say that the zombies feel like a backdrop for the most part, but for what it’s worth I do like the way they add to the stakes, I like how you described Alamos’ reaction to this, and the scenes here do have me hooked. I guess I just feel you could’ve done more with it, y’know?
  
  
• The Cynthia/Tobias relationship was an interesting direction. I like how Cynthia is to Tobias as Tobias is to Darkrai. Alter!Tobias happened because he lost his own anchor, and since Alter!Tobias was unhinged, Alter!Darkrai was also unhinged, leading to this. Again, I like the parallels you’re drawing here, they’re well done and help to get across the idea of them being two outcomes of the same character.
  
  
• The small tidbits of worldbuilding we get for Sinnoh plays into the medieval vibe, too. It does look like this is supposed to be modern day, just with a renaissance flair. The hints at wider politics with the Royal Congress and Cynthia being the Champion Queen seem like they mostly exist to establish some context behind Alter!Tobias’ outlook. I do wonder if this is expanded more in Journey proper, or if this is a separate universe in the wider multiverse and these are just quirks specific to it, but I guess I’m going to have to read more of Journey to find out!
  
  
• Cynthia borrows Cresselia’s power! I thought at first that they fused, but I think Cynthia is actually riding Cresselia? It is a little unclear, since I imagined it worked like Alter!Tobias’ fusion with Darkrai, but reading back it seems as if Cresselia is still separate. Still, I like all this as a climax, I think the moments just before build up to it pretty well and I like the descriptions used for the fight itself. The contrasting imagery feels powerful here, especially after how literally dark the rest of the story has been.
  
  
• Tobias fuses with Darkrai, and together they wish to sacrifice themselves to take Alter!Tobias down. Like the Darkrai scene earlier, I’m not sure how I feel about this, and I think here I can maybe put it into words a bit better. The crux of this one-shot is the parallel between Tobias, Darkrai, and their alter, and I’m starting to think that the real problem is a lack of development. Like, when Tobias says he can already feel the corrupting influence of power, I frankly don’t buy it. While Alter!Tobias is supposed to demonstrate that this is an aspect of Tobias’ character, this Tobias seems fairly well adjusted. His entire argument against Alter!Tobias is that he doesn’t need Darkai’s power, he just needs to be with him, to be together. And like, this highlights how Cynthia has had an effect on him and how her death really was the diverging point that caused their different paths, yet apparently in the end none of this matters? I still get you want to say that Tobias’ relationship with power is more complicated than that, but the story doesn’t set this up properly, the only setup we get revolves around Cynthia and making sense of the Alter. Maybe if another angle were established or something changes about his character to demonstrate how is he isn’t that different, I’d be able to make sense of his decision, but as is I’m not sold on it And with Darkrai, this is supposed to be his repentance for going feral and killing all those people earlier, and I guess I can see how his thoughts at the end of that scene are supposed to lead up to this? I mean he sure didn’t go back to shadow after THAT, that much is for sure! But it was established that this is why he relies on Tobias, and as I’ve stated, it doesn’t really feel like the story cares all that much about what he did in that scene. When I said earlier I felt you could’ve done more with the zombies, I mean it in that I feel you should've done more with the zombies. The consequences of Darkrai’s nature are right there but nothing is done with it, it's just set dressing. It doesn’t complicate the characters, it doesn’t really complicate the plot, and it doesn’t sell Darkrai’s decision either. None of this is to say that their story can’t end this way, I can understand why it did, it’s more that it doesn’t really feel like this was where the story was going. I can only guess that Tobias himself ended up being the weak link here that caused him to believe this was the only way, maybe Darkrai’s angst is influencing his thoughts, and I guess we get hints that there’s more to the world that he dislikes and would want to use his power to destroy? But he knows it’s wrong, and I don’t see why he can’t separate. I just don’t see his or the story’s logic, and it feels like I’m supposed to see it.
  
  
• Okay, the reveal of the Rainbow Rocket stuff was really cool. I imagine this is meant to tie into the wider Journey-verse, but even besides that it’s just a neat stinger that answers all of the lingering questions left by Alter!Tobias. The idea that all of this was just one small part of Giovanni’s multiversal plan really plays into the Rainbow Rocket concept in an intriguing way. Like I never paid Rainbow Rocket that much mind before, but honestly you just sold me on the sheer potential of the idea and it makes me want to see more, dammit! Which I imagine was the intended effect!

As for typos, this is what I've found:

Spoiler: Typos and Formatting Errors

It persisted in the chill that froze the morning few to the windows of his home.

"Much better," Tobias "I find that a nice tea often helps clear my mind and your mind seems especially troubled today."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "how long do you have?"

Overall, while I do have my complaints, it’s not that I disagree with any of your plot decisions. I actually agree with all of them, I think I see what you were going for here. I just think the execution was lacking. Even still, I like the ideas at play, I like a lot of the imagery here, I like the tension in the story, and I’d say I still enjoyed my time with it! The Rainbow Rocket stinger really gets me more interested in your stuff if it’s something your going to continue to explore. I see the potential for stories in this setting, and I'd like to see more of it!

 

[Pen]

Hello! When I realized you write a Kanto journey fic, I had to check it out, and what better time than Review Blitz? I read the first three chapters.

My first thought was that you've avoided a lot of common journeyfic pit-falls! I like the choice to open with the gym battle, rather than at an earlier point. Marcus (I missed where he was named on my first read--it's very blink and you miss it, and all the other characters call him things like 'challenger' and 'novice') has pretty simple and easily understood reasons for leaving home. I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything from not getting the play by play of him fighting with his dad, getting his trainer loan, making his way to Pewter, etc, etc. You establish this battle as the moment that's going to decide whether his pokemon journey is dead on arrival and as such it makes an intuitive place to kick off. (I wasn't entirely sure whether re-challenging is an option, but I assume the barriers, whether regulatory or financial, would be sufficient to make it a big problem if he doesn't win first try.) Starting with the gym battle also let you more naturally integrate exposition on how training works in this world and to show us by example what battles are like.

Running out the clock makes a ton of sense as a strategy when you know your pokemon have no chance in a head to head, and I liked the way you used the ticking clock to create tension at the end. But knowing Marcus is coming in with such a realistic assessment of his chances, I was unsure why he chose to challenge Brock, when from the sound of it the gym order isn't fixed. He says that Erika would have made for an easier challenge--since his main fighter is a vulpix, that certainly sounds like the case. Plus, he comes from a village on the outskirts of Saffron, which would make Celadon City a closer location than Pewter. I'd imagine for someone trying to save money, starting with a closer gym would be a wiser choice. To explain him choosing Brock over Erika, the narration just tells us Marcus's not a fan of the 'easy way.' That wasn't quite enough for me. He's put everything on the line for this, planned it out for years, it's his dearest wish--and he's not going to challenge a first gym that he has a much higher chance at beating? Maybe Brock's good to challenge first precisely because he is such a powerful trainer, so you want to fight him as your first badge since he'll be forced to use the weakest pokemon then? Or maybe there's some unwritten sponsorship rule that you're not taken seriously unless your first badge was Brock, so long-term he needs to do this, even though short-term Erika would be safer? Going back to his run-out-the-clock strategy, I was unsure how common this is. If gym battles have built-in time limits, I'd imagine it would be fairly common, especially in lower level battles, but the narration seems to present it as innovative. I do wonder how the stalling plays in for the sponsorship concerns. My guess would be that's not the sort of tactics that pulls the views.

Marcus is set up as a definite underdog, coming from a no-where town, with almost no resources, and two pokemon that don't meet the stereotype of a power-house. I am a bit curious how he ended up with them. Vulpix and happiny both strike me as fairly rare pokemon to get ahold of. It's the kind of team I might expect to see from someone whose parents had money and gave them socially desirable pokemon that aren't as effective pre-evolution as battlers, rather than the team of someone from a rural farm with no money. Farm for me evokes the kind of pokemon that might help out on a farm, or ground and grass types from the area. It'll be interesting to learn how he ended up with a vulpix and a happiny!

Being an underdog is a great way to give Marcus a lot of reader sympathy from the get-go. However, there's a quality to the narration that has kept him from feeling so much like an underdog to me. I noticed him smirking a lot and when I checked out of curiosity:
Gary Oak gets to smirk a lot because his narrative function is the cocky, asshole rival you love to beat. When it's our underdog protagonist constantly smirking, I'm less sure how to feel about him. His internal narrative comes off as pragmatic and somewhat self-satisfied and it sounds pretty similar no matter what he's going through. We're told that a lot of things are hard to do in this world, but we're often told in the same breath that he has it covered, which doesn't always give me the sense of overcoming adversity.

The logistics of survival on the road are one example.

Most trainers balked at eating meat from pokemon, something that I simply did not have the option of. I was broke, to say the least. I couldn't afford more than a few emergency rations, let alone a full supply of meals for the trip. Hunting for our food was by far the cheapest option, so with a lack of funds compared to the sponsored trainers of the world, meat was the only option. I supplemented that with berries that I recognized and went hungry most nights.

Going hungry most nights--that sucks. If you're hiking around with tons of gear and not eating most nights, your body is going to get weak, you're going to be feeling terrible and not thinking clearly. But while we're told he goes hungry most nights, what we mostly see is him eating lots of meat and berries, without any indication that his diet or lack of food is making things harder for him. So we're told he goes hungry a lot, but we're not really shown it, and so it doesn't quite feel real.

His ear injury is another example. Waking up to find your ear chewed off by a bug, well, that's downright horrible. It's not just painful, it's something that's a lasting disfigurement. So I was taken aback by how blase the narration felt about it. He gets up, pours some water over it, and gets on with things. The references to the injury afterward have mostly been presented as humorous--oh, look how beat up you are. The injury doesn't seem to have any real consequences on him: he seems to function fine the next day after getting it stitched up. There's no hearing issues from missing a chunk of ear now. He tells Gemma that this hasn't changed how he feels about training at all. It kind of leaves me wondering, if the injury has no consequence, what's the narrative point of it? It shows training is dangerous, but without the protagonist reacting to that elevated danger, the impact of that revelation doesn't really hit for me. Maybe humans in this world just are less affected by injuries--breaking his nose doesn't seem to slow him down at all. But if injuries mean less, they mean less. If it had gone down differently, the Mt Moon trip might have been a 'MC is overconfident and suffers for it' arc, where the lesson is he has to approach things differently. But it's set up so that he doesn't intend to go in there and has no choice, making it all bad luck. Bad luck happens, but narratively, it doesn't move the protagonist anywhere character-wise.

I liked the choice to connect him with a more experienced trainer. It's always nice to see what a veteran trainer looks like and Gemma's aid makes it reasonable that Marcus might have a shot in all this. Her experience shows and I like the moments where she forgets that what's routine for her is a lot to deal with for him.

Over all, I think you've made some really solid structural choices in these first few chapters, getting right into the meat of the story, and it's clear you've put a lot of thought into the world-building! Going forward, I hope Marcus gets fleshed out a bit more--as things stand, I'm not sure whether I'm quite ready to root for him.

As I read, I thought of a few stories you might enjoy checking out for Blitz, if you haven't already read them. I feel like Persephone's Broken Things, an alola journfic, may be very up your alley! A lot of her worldbuilding aligns with Journey's--training in her world is unpleasant, dangerous, and very difficult without sponsorship. Pokemon are powerful wild animals and there's a lot about their behavior and ecology. Also, one of the main characters has a haughty vulpix starter! You might also like Spring by WildBoots, a late-stage Johto journeyfic that has a strong emphasis on camping and the demands of a trainer's life.

Spoiler: Grammar Notes

I know early chapters often reflect mistakes that have long since been noticed and corrected in later ones, so apologies if you're aware of all this, but I did try to flag errors I saw in case you wanted to fix them.

I was a novice, a beginner who hadn't earned a single badge let alone even challenged a gym yet.

You'll want a comma after badge.

"Alright Luna, lets get started. Confuse-wisp!"

Comma after Alright. You'll want an apostrophe in let's.

Resistant however, did not mean immune.

When however is used in the middle of a sentence like this, it has a comma on either side.

They sank into the geodude's eyes and I smirked knowingly as a slack expression crossed the rock type's face.

When 'and' connects two independent clauses with different subjects, you use a comma before it.

It's arms wavered and bent as the slab of rock dipped dangerously back towards it.

Its here is being used in the possessive sense, so no apostrophe needed.

"Defence curl!" He ordered.

"Hello?" Asked a muffled voice.

Dialogue is written "Defense curl" he ordered/ "Hello?" asked a muffled voice. As long as there's a speech verb, it is uncapitalized.

It was a gambit, banking on Shale moving to quickly to turn easily.

*too

"Impossible," replied the shorter man. "he is lost to us, unless Lance deems it necessary."

When a new line of dialogue starts after a period, it starts capitalized. So "He is lost to us . . ."

Spoiler: Chapter 1 Line Notes

The hallway was dank and dark. It smelled like sweat and blood, crude reminders of what it would take to actually accomplish my goal.

The combo of 'dank and dark' and 'sweat and blood' creates a bit of a sing-song effect that may undercut the solemnity of this as an opener.

I stepped forward, my hand dropping to the belt on my side.

I got tripped up on 'belt on my side.' A standard belt isn't really on your side, it's around your waist. Or you just drop your hand to your belt.

I'd blown through every scrap of my meagre savings and then more than half a starter training loan in pursuit of this dream.

Loans! I bet the interest rate is evil.

I'd do what my father wanted, take over the farm, marry a girl of his choosing.

Marry a girl of his choosing? What, uh, century is this set in?

Yucca village was a small farming community, not even on most maps unless you bought a local regional map from the northern gate of Saffron City and managed to find the smallest dot on it.

I like how you're playing with what people know the Kanto map looks like and using that game knowledge to underscore how out of the way his city is.

I'd be lucky if I even rated a slot in the evening league recaps for my first attempt at a gym challenge.

Hm, so gym challenges must be fairly infrequent and a big deal if a first gym battle could even be expected to make local news.

Maybe I could even pay Brock for a copy of the tape, to send back to my Pa so he could see I wasn't completely full of shit and could actually be a real trainer. For a brief moment, I contemplated if he would even watch something like that, before forcing my mind away from my messy family life to the battle at hand.

A small word efficiency thing--the last sentence uses a lot of words to get across a pretty simple point. You could easily just say, "I wondered if he would even watch it, though." Then the next paragraph goes back to the battle, without the narration needing to tell us he's deciding to think about the battle. The benefit of first person is that by having the character think about something different in the next line, we know he's moved on to a different thought.

Brock was already waiting, standing implacably atop his command platform. He had forgone a shirt, his arms crossed over his chest and clearly flexing to show off his impressive muscles. I wasn't afraid, I knew it was for show. He wanted me off balance, fretting over appearances while he picked away at at my team. I was a novice, but that didn't mean I was an idiot. I'd watched enough of Brock's battles to know his basic tactics.

I found this kind of funny--are challengers really being thrown off their game by the impressiveness of Brock's abs?

Brock could have a cocky smirk from me once I'd earned one.

I smirked, lifting my first ball.

He earned that smirk awfully quickly . . .

My shit-eating grin probably burned into Brock's mind permanently.

I wonder how much Brock cares about losing novice fights. He's playing far beneath his level in them, so it's not like it's a reflection on his real skills. And presumably if high-level trainers like Brock fought to their fullest against novices, no one would get badges, so losing is kind of built into the job description.

The stone slab slipped free of the geodude's hands as it fumbled the throw. It crashed down on top of the little rock, utterly crushing it beneath.

I had to reread this a few times before I figured out what happened. I don't see how fumbling a throw leads to the slab somehow falling on the geodude itself. 'little rock' also threw me off--it wasn't clear that referred to the geodude.

It wasn't as powerful as the last one, but the jet of flame that she spat was still enough to melt a patch of sand several feet wide into a pool of sludgy liquid glass.

Seems pretty powerful! If this is novice level, upper level battles must be pretty destructive.

Brock's prized onix appeared with and earthshaking roar.

*an

She was a pale green, almost twelve feet long, flecks of silver metal running through the boulders that made up her serpentine body.

So pretty, love the variation in the stone types.

It made for a damn impressive showing. I knew my second pokemon would look downright feeble compared to it, but that's what I expected at this point.

There's a lot of attention paid to how this looks, even though the audience is small and he's not expecting this to be broadcast. And since his strategy is running out the clock, does he really care how things look?

I raised my second pokeball and smirked with anticipation.

I tossed Luna's ball and smirked as my confidence came flooding back.

Lot of smirking going on here.

She was a baby. All she really wanted to do was play, and if I could present the battle as a game then she'd cooperate for the most part.

Uh. Using a baby pokemon in battle is certainly a choice.

Spoiler: Chapter 2 Line Notes

I reached for the second pidgey as I finished the first. My hand brushed something hard and smooth and I damn near jumped out of my own skin. The sandshrew squeaked madly and scampered off into the night, my second pidgey clutched in its little jaws.

I found this sequence a bit hard to follow. It took a backread or two to realize that 'something hard and smooth' was the sandshrew. I think it confused me because it seemed like he had the sandshrew in his line of sight, so I wasn't sure how it somehow snuck up on him.

Trainers tended to cluster along these routes, challenging each other in lieu of powerful wild pokemon. It made for a hellish gauntlet of battle, one that could help a starting trainer build their record or sink their dream.

I wasn't sure from this whether you can decline challenges or not? If he's avoiding it, it seems like not, but is that some sort of official rule or is it just a de-facto practice? Like, people will mug you if you don't fight them?

There was one time that day, where Luna came bounding back with her tails between her legs.

The transition here's a little awkward.

I dreamt of flame-grilled tauros steaks, sweet yucca casserole, and a tall glass of Saffron-brewed iced lemonade.

Nice food world-building!

I saw the opening in the pass wall and made my decision. I was never going to outrun an avalanche of stone, and I knew that the tunnel network under Mount Moon was one of the most extensive in the world. Half the mountain was hollow, dug out by miners in the ages past. I dove for the cave opening just as the deluge crashed down and blocked the opening.

For a brief moment, a crack of light shone through the blocked cave entrance. Then what sounded like half the mountain rumbled past and Luna and I were plunged into complete darkness.

Very entering the mines of Moria moment.

Thank goodness that I was as prepared as I was. I hadn't really intended for travel underground, but I had prepared for just about anything. My electric torch was held high, casting precious light in the completely dark cave. I only had a pair of spare batteries hidden in my bag, but I was confident that it would be enough to see me through.

This is a bit have your cake and eat it too. He didn't meant to end up in the caves, but luckily he's prepared for it? Him being prepared for anything sits oddly with him not having food supplies and not having much money.

Curie could remain in her ball until we were safe, but I couldn't keep her in there forever.

How long can pokemon remain in their balls without food?

Wild zubat harried us more and more often as we moved deeper into the caves. Luna dispatched them all with ease, though I was worried that she'd run out of stamina before the cave ran out of zubat. I found myself desperately wishing that I had a second battle capable pokemon but Luna met every challenge with gusto. Even still, she had limits. I kept her from instigating battles, but it still felt like we were fighting off a new group of zubat every few minutes.

This feels a bit more video-game than the other parts of the fic.

I shrunk back in fear, I knew the reputation of the fae was a false one. They were not the simple, happy creatures that weekend cartoons painted them as. Fairies were cruel, sadistic and capable of intelligent thought. They wouldn't hesitate to punish the dumb little human for accidentally stumbling into their den.

Feels a bit like we dip into a different genre here.

Half my left ear was missing.

I stared dumbfounded at my bloody hand, looking back down at the pool of blood behind me. "My ear." I said dumbly. "It ate my ear."

Well then.

I raised my eyebrow. "Do you expose yourself to every trainer you meet?"

"Just the handsome ones," she said. She looked down at my bag and grinned at my ragged state.

The banter feels a bit out-of-place here to me. He just had his ear nibbled off and he's trying to make smart-ass comments? It certainly doesn't endear him to me.

She raised a ball and returned her machamp. "It's the opposite way I'm heading, but can give you a lift there. That cut could use some proper attention before it gets infected." She smirked again and I felt a twinge of annoyance at her cheery demeanour.

Seems everyone is Team Smirk.

I feel like either his negative reaction should be more intense--like seriously, you're smirking at me when this just happened to me? Or he should be too grateful to be annoyed. Annoyed is a weird emotion here because it's a kind of casual emotion that doesn't really fit the situation.

She pulled her fearow down to the ground, petting the murderous pokemon's neck all while she struggled to impale me with a three foot-long beak.

Welp.

Spoiler: Chapter 3 Line Notes

The Indigo Conference had an entrance fee of almost three times what my family's farm had made per year. Training, I had learned that hard way, was not a poor man's sport.

There's some tension between training being a rich man's sport and it being so unpleasant. Usually things done by people with money are designed to be somewhat tolerable.

She didn't slow her pace at all, instead giving me the option to fall behind and fail her little test.

I wasn't happy about being left alone in the wilderness, but to argue would have failed her test.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that this was Gemma's test.

Maybe I missed something, but I wasn't sure why he thought she was giving him a test in the first place?

Then I saw him. The nidoking saw me. He stepped through the flames like they were nothing, stalking towards me like he knew he had already won. The flames cast terrible spiked shadows across me, giving the nidoking a demonic appearance. I struggled to my feet, my head spinning and protesting the action as I tried to move.

He loomed over me, growling menacingly as he drew to his full height. The flames behind him cast him in glowing red light. The nidoking towered over me, stretching at least two or three feet above me and casting an imposing armoured figure. He raised one armoured paw and I saw his three claws extend slightly.

There's a lot of repetition in the prose here.

It hit him on the side, sucking the nidorino in before he could deliver a second blow and kill my precious vulpix.

Later when he's talking about how awesome being a trainer is so far, he doesn't seem to have processed at all that Luna's at risk too.

I dug into my bag, pulling out a pair of antidotes.

He seems pretty prepared, for someone with no funds.

"So, mind telling me what you're doing?" I asked. I stared blankly into my drink as I talked, barely looking up at her. "You take an interest in me, and what? Train me for nothing in return? Drop all this cash on some nobody novice?"

That's a pretty uncharitable way to start this conversation. I get that he's wondering why she's helping him, but he seems determined to begin the conversation in a combative way.

"I'm not him," I said. "I'm not whoever you lost. You can't let that loss rule your life." I smirked and put my hand on hers.

I'm not sure a smirk is really the expression that suits the words "You can't let that loss rule your life."

"But it's exactly what I wanted. The adventure, the excitement… it's everything I'd dreamed about on the farm.

The blessing and curse of first person POV is that we've been in his head the whole time. While he hasn't been thrown off by all this, we haven't really seem him enjoying it, either, so this came a bit out of left-field at this point.

I leaned back and smirked as I signalled the waiter.

Resting Smirk face?

 

[Dragonfree]

Reviewing "What We Do for Our Children"! Another contest entry, and I don't believe I've read any of your work before, so this was fun to sink my teeth into.

This definitely feels like a pretty different interpretation of Giovanni than most I've read - he's practically sentimental in his concern for his son, and generally has a lot of guilt and regrets and humility in the face of his previous mistakes going on, none of which I've usually associated with him. Nothing wrong with that, of course, just interestingly different - an interpretation where his failure to contain Mewtwo changes him a bit for the future makes sense.

I think some of what I got the biggest kick out of here was just the casual establishing of some of your fic's particular canon cocktail lore - a multiverse including a Betrayed!Ash universe (the thought of Giovanni just paying Misty and Brock off is hilarious), Rainbow Rocket sprouting from the Betrayed!Ash universe after this Giovanni uses Hoopa to just snag Betrayed!Ash out of there, Lance working with Giovanni, Diantha and Alain as a royal couple ruling Kalos, Silver casually being a cyborg assassin. It feels very indulgent, reminds me a bit of the MCU and so on - clearly at the intersection of a lot of different stories all with their own distinct spin on things, and it piques curiosity about what else is going on in this world and will be happening as a result of this.

I also quite like the character arc at the heart of this, in principle; I'm a big fan of characters going to extreme lengths for the sake of somebody they care about more than they perhaps let on, and of fathers who are kind of shitty dads but care deeply for their kids anyway, and of characters taking some kind of bloody revenge and then snapping out of it and realizing the wrong they've done. All very good tropes that I enjoy seeing in a story! And doing it with an outright canon villain is fun; like I mentioned, this Giovanni is very humanized compared to many other interpretations, and I enjoy that.

The execution of that character arc here didn't quite work for me as well as I'd have liked, though. Giovanni is determined to capture Hoopa and use its power before Silver ever gets involved, and at no point did I really feel like Giovanni was making reckless decisions because of his desperation to get Silver back - the most reckless decisions were made before Silver ever got captured, and his thought process even after that generally feels very calm and not particularly emotionally-driven at all. (There isn't really a sense, when he attacks the mansion, that he's angry with the ones who captured Silver, for instance, or even particularly worried or desperate to get him back - he just sort of casually does it, while his narration explains offhandedly, in even tones, that it's really all to get his son back. For most of that sequence Silver only even comes to mind as like, an afterthought after he's had Hoopa command Heatran to set the mansion on fire, and as a "Guess Silver didn't manage to kill Alain, oh well, I will do it instead.") So all in all, when at the end he claims he did this because of "the things we do for our children", it just doesn't quite ring true, to me - it feels like while getting Silver back motivated him to come here, he really did want to capture and control Hoopa for entirely unrelated reasons anyway, and he seemingly spent most of his time while there calmly marveling at what Hoopa could do and how much power he had, rather than thinking much about Silver.

And then he lets Hoopa go, but I don't feel like I can quite follow what actually changed his mind with regards to using Hoopa here. He seemed fully aware from the start that Hoopa could wreak great destruction; all the destruction here was simply exactly what he ordered; and he repeatedly compared it to Mewtwo and talked about having learned from his mistakes with what happened there from the beginning. So, sure, he realizes he made a mistake by sending Silver after it, resulting in his capture - but all in all, it seems to me that as Hoopa itself goes, his plan went perfectly, exactly according to what he wanted from the start. So why does he just suddenly decide it's wrong and a perversion of the natural order after he's retrieved Silver, in some way he didn't think so before? I feel like this moment of realization would make sense if Hoopa had done something far beyond what he wished for - or, perhaps especially, if Hoopa had been responsible for Silver's injuries - but as far as I can tell, that's not what happened here, so his change of heart came as a surprise to me as it stands. If Hoopa's destruction is something far greater than he anticipated and had seen previously with Mewtwo, then I think that could have been more effective if the comparison, and the effect seeing that has on Giovanni, were emphasized more in the prose. (As it is, you kind of make it sound like what they did was basically similar, with "The creature was beyond even his wildest dreams, but so had been Mewtwo. Mewtwo had paid his schemes back with destructive wrath that had levelled an island nearly two miles across," and then state that Hoopa could do far worse and later describe it as having the potential to be even worse than Mewtwo, without quite backing it up.)

So all in all, I think making Giovanni's emotional arc clearer and more focused here would make the main punches land better for me, but I enjoyed the core story behind it. Also, I enjoyed Matori here - not a big role, but I like her picking up on Giovanni's caring for Silver and wanting to make sure he's okay.

Something I noticed occasionally in the prose is a sort of repetitiveness, where you state information that's kind of redundant:

"He is alive, you'll be happy to know."

Giovanni let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding and sighed in relief. He paused for a moment as the stunned revelation that Silver was still alive sank in. His chest tightened when he realized what that entailed.

I don't think you need "the stunned revelation that Silver was still alive" (did you mean stunning?) in there at all, since you just told us he's alive, and letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and sighing in relief seems basically like the same action to me - I think you'd be fine with just something like, "Giovanni let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. And then, after a moment's pause, his chest tightened as he realized what that entailed."

Giovanni turned, ready to begin the test. "Alright," he said. "Let's begin."

You don't need to tell us that he's ready to begin the test if you're just about to have him say, "Alright, let's begin." The fact he's ready to begin it is kind of implied there. I think there was another instance or two of something like this - something worth watching out for.

He lifted Silver, draping the boy's remaining arm over his shoulder. He lifted the boy, pushing away a ping of guilt as the disassembled limbs lay abandoned on the floor.

Stating twice that he lifted Silver; these sentences should probably be combined or else rephrased so that the lifting only happens in one of them.

Some things that confused me, or other mistakes:

"The Kalosians have him now. Pray that they kill him quickly, else he will spend an eternity on the edge of death. They will know who stole from him with time, and there will be hell to pay for it."

What do you mean, who stole from him? You said he handed it off to an associate of Giovanni's, not that anything was stolen from him. Did you mean something like "who he stole it for"?

"You have claimed to be capable of controlling such a creature before," Lance replied. He shook his head. "I have doubts that you claim to be capable of such a thing once more."

He doubts that he claims it? That seems a little odd; he clearly is claiming it. Probably Lance instead doubts the claim itself. Suggest rephrasing somehow.

Archer approached him from the hallway behind him, white suit as immaculate as always. His teal blue hair was cropped close to his head and the effortless shadow of stubble darkened his face. Giovanni scowled at the thought of the lengths Archer went to care for his appearance.

Huh, I would've assumed a visible shadow of stubble would look less like he goes to great lengths to care for his appearance? When I picture a cis man who puts especially great care into his appearance I imagine either an immaculately trimmed and carefully shaped beard or perfectly clean-shaven face with not a sign of stubble in sight.

He could mourn his son's injuries later

Missing a period at the end of this sentence.

He raised Hoopa's dark ball and nodded with the respect Diantha's station deserved. "My apologies then, Champion." He stepped through the ring and turned to face her. "I bid you adieu." He snapped the dark ball in half, breaking his control over the creature. The ring blinked out of sight, leaving Giovanni and his son alone in the darkened room.

Doesn't this leave Diantha to deal with a free Hoopa...? Like, is she even going to be able to get it into the Prison Bottle before it just does whatever the hell it wants and wreaks even more destruction?

Archer shrugged, shooting Lance a smirk as if he had actually enjoyed being evasive about what had actually happened. "

There's a dangling opening quote at the end here but no actual dialogue.

All in all, it was cool to get a look at the Journeyverse, and there were a lot of intriguing threads going on here that I imagine the main story (and/or its side stories) would pick up on. I hope I'll manage to start reading Journey itself sometime!

 

[ShiniGojira]

Hello! Hello! Hope you're having a great day! Here's a review for ya!

Brief Summary:

This first chapter was essentially the first official battle between our MC, Marcus and the legendary rock hard Brock himself.

With his insanely over-levelled Vulpix, he easily takes the bag when faced against Brock's Geodude, only nearly failing because of realistic Rollout being more dangerous than its in-game counterpart.

Out comes, Shale, a ginormous Onix that honestly, Luna could probably take on easily if we decided to follow game logic but as that's not the case, Marcus was smart in switching her out.

Marcus chooses Kirby Curie, his Happiny and decides to toxic stall his opponent, minus the Toxic. He runs down the clock and wins, hooray!

Then onto chapter 2 where he is on his journey towards Misty. But unfortunately, his previous path is blocked by two radical rock hard dudes with a super fixation on murder and racing.

And thus, he decides to take a different where he finds a cult of Clefairy and nearly dies to a zombie bug. Thankfully, he escapes through the power of really buff Pokémon and veteran trainer.

Next up is the third chapter and this one is packed and filled with action. It starts off where we last ended with Marcus and Gemma flying on an insane Fearow.

Then they arrived to the Pokémon center though Marcus was left alone for the night and only then tomorrow the crazy adventure starts.

Gemma tells him that she was going to be putting on a test for him, to help him for Misty's fight.

But because this was a great and oh so wonderful surprise, Marcus thinks that facing off an entire army of rats was the test until... Dun dun dun, giant purple Rhino-rabbits appeared and he nearly dies for it.

He runs and fights but no matter how overlevelled your Vulpix is, it'll run out of PP before it can finish the job. But thankfully, he'd called for help and in come Gemma to save the day.

And while she and her Machamp take down the big king, Marcus distracted himself with a fresh new catch.

Then in chapter 4, we get to see some bonding and training between Marcus and his new catch as well as his strategy for the battle against Misty.

Using his newly-acquired TMs, he beats Misty's mons in an intense battle and acquires his second badge.

After that, we head onto chapter 5, where we see that Marcus is having a hangover from his night of partying and is then proceeding to regret every choice he's made as he dashes for the bathroom.

Moments pass by and we're treated to a gruesome and bloody side of the boy's mentor and the news of her Fearow dying and her being targeted. She then gets into an argument with her dad and is whisked off back into her land of origin, Saffron City.

Sabrina, who's a pre-teen also teleports Marcus into Route 5 where he proceeds to get distracted by two kids and is pulled by the wrist to save their friend.

Unfortunately, he is too late and Ronnie is no more, gone by the Tenuta-swarm that's about to come.

He and the kids make it to Vermillion City but not without attracting the eyes of a presumably, Persian.

We are then left off with an order to all trainers to report to Lt. Surge.

Chapter 6 starts off with an explosive wave of enemies, Tentacruels were everywhere and things looked grim.

But fortunately, they had an elite trainer on their side. The elite trainer, along with a couple others easily decimated the swarm in mere moments.

However, Marcus sees the elite getting ambushed and decides to disobeyed the higher-ups in an attempt to help.

He discovers that these Tentacruels didn't look right and were looking like they were trying to break Darwin's theory of evolution.

The day is saved and Marcus gets reprimanded by the same elite he tried to help and is a little disheartened.

Later, he saves a girl but regrets it later when it was revealed that she was a member of TR and she'd stolen his little baby.

Thoughts on Chapter 1:

Y'know, I have the strangest feeling that I've read this somewhere before, was this cross-posted to FFN? 'cause it honestly feels like I've read something like this before, like I think a Paras bit this guy's ear or something later on?

Eh, anyway.

If there's one thing that I like about this battle was the fact that Marcus quite literally over-levelled his starter, though I can't imagine why he decided to blow his money on a mon that is going to be weak to the first two gyms, like if I were him, I'd probably choose the safer option and pick a grass starter...

But then again, seeing as Kanto doesn't really have any good early-game Grass-types (aside from Bulbasaur, of course), I guess it was a good pick... and also because Vulpix and its evolution line, including its Alolan forms are among my list of favourite mons so atleast he has some taste.

I also like how Marcus used his smarts to stall out the time and it showed that power isn't everything and that maybe later down the road, the story will be more on the brains' side rather than the brawn.

Thoughts on Chapter 2:

Okay, yeah. I've definitely read this somewhere before. It was probably on fanfiction.net or something.

Anywho, to me, it felt like the tone shifts a bit when I was presented with the 'human eats Pokémon and Pokémon eats human' bit and that was probably what you were hoping for as later on, we get to see just how dark and dangerous this world is through Marcus losing his ear to a random Paras and accidentally sneaking in on the meteorite-worshipping Clefairies. It's a great way to show how dangerous this world could be without having to go full-on death and blood and edge everywhere, and it's probably gonna either stay that way or go all in later on.

I also like how we get to see more interactions between him and his Pokémon as well as some of their individual quirks, Luna's arrogance and elegance as well as Curie's... baby-ness.

Though Gemma's sudden appearance felt a bit out of nowhere as she's said herself that she was going somewhere opposite and yet, she wasn't going to that 'somewhere' with her Fearow.

Plus, it wasn't like said Fearow was injured or anything so I'm not really sure why she's going on foot especially with the team she's rocking... unless she'd heard rumors of Clefairies and was looking for one.

So yeah, Gemma's appearance feels a bit deus-ex machin-ish or however you use that term.

Thoughts on Chapter 3:

So here comes the Nido fight. I remembered some vague parts of it from my reading a while ago and I also remembered what fate is going to fall upon our Mc's new catch...

So anyway, this chapter was filled with a lot of action and fast-paced scenes. It was thrilling and the fake-out from the army of Rattatas to the Nido pack was well done.

I also liked the reason you gave Gemma for helping out our good ol' Mc. The whole 'I should've help them but I didn't and they died' trope is one that I quite enjoyed and I hope to see where their teacher and student relationship is going.

No appearances for Curie this chapter but that makes sense. Not like I'd send an underlevelled happiny towards a Nidoking either so eh.

Thoughts on Chapter 4:

Nothing much for me to say here. But I did quite enjoy the gym battle.

Though the Goldeen's instant defeat left a sour taste in my mouth. I felt like it was a bit unnecessary if you were just gonna focus on Misty's in-game mons. And not to mention, it felt a bit strange to speak about Pride's weaknesses but failing to really show much of it in the battle... I guess? I don't know.

The battle definitely felt intense and I enjoyed it but the fact that you highlighted Pride's weakness, such as his Thunderbolt taking a while to charge up, I don't really get the feeling that it actually took a while to do so. Especially when Misty's Starmie was able to almost beat Luna despite her speed and nimbleness.

It could also just be a me thing and I'd probably missed something so take that as what you will.

Thoughts on Chapter 5:

So, a lot just happened.

We learned that Gemma is (implied) the daughter of a Silph Co. worker and said worker is probably in the higher ranks as he knows the super secret development of what's-definitely-not-a-Master ball.

It's also interesting that Sabrina is a preteen here as I'm pretty sure she's like an adult in the games, anime and manga. So I wonder why her specifically is under twelve since Misty is an adult and Brock is as well... also if Misty is a teen in this world then that's setting off a bunch of red flags for me, not for this story, mind you, just this world's inhabitants.

Anywho, I'm assuming TR is the cause of the lockdown and you're gonna be going by the events in the game, yeah? 'cause I remember something like this happening a while ago and I think the Curie kidnapping is gonna be happening soon too.

Oh and by the way, I like how you're reminding us that this world is dangerous and that it is not only reserved for newbies but also for the veterans and experienced.

Thoughts on Chapter 6:

Yup, and there goes Curie. Now, I know I've definitely read this somewhere.

Now, this chapter does a splendid job of showing the power difference between an elite and a novice. Marcus had seen the swarm and immediately thought they were doomed but the elite was able to effortlessly defeat them without a sweat. This, I feel, will be one of Marcus' main motivations to becoming stronger after Curie's kidnapping.

He wants to get stronger, to be like Gemma and be as strong as the elite, and so he could save Curie.

But of course, the clock is ticking as I remembered that later down the road, the TR girl will show up and give him a time limit on his next badge.

And as for the half-evolved Tentacruels, I'm assuming that this is like a prototype to the evolution event in Pokémon Gold and Silver?

Overall, another enjoyable chapter.

Now, here's my line-by-line reactions:

Spoiler: Why is this so long?

Chapter 1

I stepped forward, my hand dropping to the belt on my side. I only had two balls there,

I mean, I'm pretty sure every man only has two balls down there.

I'd do what my father wanted, take over the farm, marry a girl of his choosing. Failure meant living the rest of my life in a dreary little village with every second of my life arranged by my father.

Oof, that's a rather depressing thing to hear.

Maybe I could even pay Brock for a copy of the tape, to send back to my Pa so he could see I wasn't completely full of shit and could actually be a real trainer.

Hell yeah, you should definitely do that! Rub it in your dad's face, Mc!

I tossed my first ball into the air with a firm expression. My starter appeared in a flash of red light. A little vulpine pokemon growled menacingly at the rock opposite it, flaring her tails aggressively. Her opponent had the type advantage, but I had learned the hard way never to count Luna out of the fight. My vulpix was a tenacious little monster, well used to fighting unorthodox battles in environments that favoured our opponent. Our month spent making agonizingly slow progress westward over Mount Moon had paid impressive dividends.

A Vulpix! I see you have some great tastes in Fire-types.

It wasn't as powerful as the last one, but the jet of flame that she spat was still enough to melt a patch of sand several feet wide into a pool of sludgy liquid glass.

Here's a science fact for you:

The temperature needed to melt sand is roughly the same as when a space shuttle re-enters our atmosphere.

It is also a lot higher than what's needed to melt rocks and stone...

Geodude would be nothing but magma if Pokémon magic weren't a thing.

She was a pale green, almost twelve feet long, flecks of silver metal running through the boulders that made up her serpentine body. It was a side effect of her parentage, something to do with being the offspring of Brock's first onix and Galar's Raihan's prized duraludon.

A shiny?

Ooh, I like how parentage can play a role in how the offspring can look like.

Now, let's all have a moment to think how a Wailord and Skitty can breed and imagine what kinds of monstrosities could be produced from that.

My two-foot tall, ball of pink joy materialized on the field

Kirby?! When did you get in my Pokémon fic?

No wait, this thing's two feet, not eleven inches, nvm.

Brock couldn't help the burst of laughter that came forth. His rock snake mirrored him, shaking the entire arena with deep rumbling laughter.

Laugh it up, Brock. You'll soon learn the terror that traumatised a generation of competitive players when she's utilized with a Skarmory.

We had a timer with fourteen minutes left on it. All we had to do was run out the clock.

Smart plays by unnamed Mc here. Let's see how it goes.

She was a monstrous serpent, a titanic mass of solid stone and yet she was at the mercy of a two foot tall pink blob.

Haha.

I'm sorry but I can't think of anything but Kirby when a pink blob is mentioned.

Curie's agonized wail was still ear-piercing at this distance. I could scarcely imagine the discomfort that Brock was feeling, let alone the punishment Shale's eardrums were enduring.

If a little baby can cause that, imagine a Boomburst from an Exploud, would that shatter mountains?

"Confuse wisp!" I shouted.

Missed a hyphen here.

Chapter 2

Between enough of Curie's specialized formula to last until Cerulean and a few emergency rations, I barely had enough left over to cover the cost of the three empty poke balls that sat at the bottom of my bag.

Too bad, you're not like the Mc of a Pokémon game 'cause otherwise you'd be able to travel the entire region in under a day.

I handed Curie the bottle of pale purple liquid with a smile

Strange, I'd always thought Oran berries would have blue juice.

As much and Luna wanted to, my vulpix was nothing compared to anyone above a novice level.

This part reads pretty weird.

I think it'd be better if it's either 'As much as Luna and I wanted to' or 'As much as Luna wanted to, and boy did she really wanted to,

My mind wandered back to food as I lay back and watched the stars. My dinner had been enough to keep me going, but my mind couldn't help itself. I dreamt of flame-grilled tauros steaks, sweet yucca casserole, and a tall glass of Saffron-brewed iced lemonade. They taunted me from beyond a line of trees that I couldn't cross.

Oh don't worry, you'd be swimming in dough soon enough as long as you don't run into any legendaries or something... actually on second thought, maybe running into legendaries would be a good thing and you could become a celebrity through taking pictures of them or catching them.

If it had Luna spooked the I sure as hell didn't want any part of whatever called this place home.

I mean she's a Fire-type, in a cave full of living rocks and demon fairies, maybe it's just a Diglett with Arena Trap or something.

Watching them dance and worship a meteorite, I couldn't decide if the whack jobs were right or if the clefairy were just nuts.

Or both.

I felt at my aching ear and pulled my hand away in horror. Half my left ear was missing.

Oof, that's gonna leave a mark.

But hey, at least it ain't a finger or any other important bits.

It's the opposite way I'm heading, but can give you a lift there.

Missing an 'I' between 'but' and 'can'.

Chapter 3

A pokegear cost almost as much as my family farm made in a month

This reads a little weird. Maybe try adding a 'had' between 'farm' and 'made' and turn 'family' into 'family's'.

The Indigo Conference had an entrance fee of almost three times what my family's farm had made per year. Training, I had learned that hard way, was not a poor man's sport.

There should be a 'the' between 'hard' and 'that'

Despite their penchant for surprise attacks, nido packs were not stealthy. They were easily spotted from the air and made few efforts to conceal themselves when not actively hunting.

As strong as Nidokings are, I don't blame them for walking around like they owned the place.

Confuse wisp!" I shouted

Missing a hyphen here...

Why do I get the feeling that this is gonna be a recurring thing?

The field of grass was nearly gone, consumed by the fire.

Now take a shot for every field of grass you think would be burned down in this world.

You just remind me of someone I used to know. He never got a fair shake. He asked me for help, practically begged me for it." She looked at me nervously and tipped back the rest of the drink. "He didn't make it and it was my fault. I didn't do enough." She shrugged, her words slow and slurred. "Like I said, you look like him. Same stupid grin, same farm boy kinda style."

Sad but at least you'd learned a lesson.

Also I find it a bit of a funny coincidence that I'd just watched an anime where a powerful veteran female teacher to the Mc has the same motivation as Gemma does.

(It's called 'Reincarnated into a Sword' if you're interested in an Isekai with a Sword Daddy)

Chapter 4

I raised the ball and set the auto-return function. It'd return the nidorino if he attempted to flee and got more than thirty feet from me.

Well that seemed awfully convenient.

Question is: Can it be dodged?

It made for a stunning spectacle to be sure,

Well, if the whole trainer biz isn't working out, you can't just switch to contests.

Oh and while we're on that note, are Pokémon contests a thing or nah? Like I know that this world is super dangerous and all but do contests still exist? And if so, how different are they from the anime and the games?

We needed every edge and I wasn't going to leave any stone unturned with less than two days to my challenge.

I mean you could also just delay it a bit, it's not like Misty's going anywhere.

it is unknown what the purpose for this is, but theories range from outlandish ideas like

'it' should be capitalised.

Chapter 6

Sabrina arrived less than half an hour later. She was practically a child, but she had this aura of supreme superiority about her.

A kid-brina?

It was all downhill to Vermilion City

And to whatever fate takes you to.

CIVIL DISTURBANCES REPORTED. COMPLY WITH ANY/ALL INDIGO LEAGUE DIRECTIVES. SAFFRON CITY IS CURRENTLY UNDER LOCKDOWN. NO ENTRY/EXIT PERMITTED.

Following the game's events, I see.

Two of them came out of the bay, right onto land. I though tentacruel couldn't leave the ocean?"

'Thought' is misspelled.

Chapter 6

"Get ready! Take down any who get through!"

Should be 'gets'.

It was the roar of the water as thousands upon thousands of tentacruel thrashed towards us.

This feels like an unnatural occurrence. Giving me Pokémon Gold vibes.

Still, they came by the dozens, more and more of the creatures forcing themselves ashore.

Omg, you predicted (SV mons) Toedscool and Toedscruel

I shook my head. "Put that aside for a moment. The swarm is all tentacruel. That's not something that should be possible in nature." I looked out at the bay, watching the pair of helicopters circling lower. "This wasn't a natural event."

Called it.

"Could you help me?" She asked, waving me over.

'She' shouldn't be capitalised since it's a said tag.

I mixed her a full bottle and reached over for her ball. I froze. It was gone.

And here we go... I really do not like experiencing Pride's death again.

Anywho, that's all from me for now 'cause oh boy, this is long enough to be a one-shot, wtf is wrong with me.

I'll be back later for the final week of Blitz so expect another long one hopefully next week, I don't know, my procrastination made me take three days to write this.

Have a splendid day! Take care!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, dropping in for Review Roulette, and to prep the ground for our Review Exchange that includes the rest of this story after this initial part. Though I came in with exactly zero idea of what this story would involve beyond that it was set in the Journey-verse, so let’s just go ahead and take a peek at the summary-

We were already broken. Each of us messed up in our own special way. I had my PTSD. Alder was a drunk. Benga, a bloodthirsry savage. Liza was lost and alone. But that fucking war? It tore our broken souls into a thousand pieces and dared us to stitch ourselves back together so we could be broken a hundred more times. To say it was hell would be a disservice to hell.

- Jason Rykker, 'The Shade'​

Oh yeah, that’s totally a good sign for where this short story is going to go, and also where Death of Duty will wind up going. Boy is the Journeyverse a giant mess.

So let’s jump right in and see how fast things go from 0-100.

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

I leaned forward in the seat, straightening my spine. The lights flared behind my guest and I breathed in sharply, acutely aware of myself. Even during my League days, I'd never been particularly happy in the spotlight. I was content to live a humble life in the middle of nowhere with the last few members of my team. Of course, recent events made that an impossibility now.

"Relax, Mr. Rykker. Forget about the camera. It's just the two of us having a drink in your study."

I’m surprised that Jason hasn’t gone full Thomas Pynchon and gone full recluse outside of whenever he’s needed for his duties as an apparent champion.

I shot her a look that probably made her regret ever coming out for the interview. Or not, I could never tell with reporters. "I just don't like the lights is all," I replied, managing to keep a civil tone. "I spent too much time in them during my younger days."

Can’t tell if that’s an honest answer or else if that’s a canned “blah blah blah, please go away” from Jason’s part. Though I guess the ambiguity is deliberate.

She didn't answer immediately, still fiddling with her voice recorder. She was young, probably only a year or two older than I'd been when I made Champion. Just another example of the League's stunning efforts to influence public perception.

Oh yeah, that’s a positive sign for what the League in whatever region this is set in (Kanto, I assume) is like.

They'd never wanted the interviews to go ahead in the first place, preferring to steer the narrative with coordinated leaks to friendly media members. They said that it would be safer for any survivors that way, to minimize the spotlight on our horrific actions during those nine months of hell. So they'd worked their magic and had the youngest and most inexperienced reporter in UNN's docket assigned to my interview.

Which is a recipe for disaster since those tend to also be the loose cannons of journalism that stumble over boundaries and journalistic standards with gleeful abandon. ^^;

She looked up at me, voice recorder finally ready. "So, shall we begin?" She asked. She lifted her notepad and glanced down at the clipboard containing the League provided talking points.

Why am I not convinced at all that things are going to stick to those talking points?

I nodded, ready to steer the script away from those approved talking points as aggressively as I could. We went through hell for this country. I wasn't about to hide the real war from it.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

I mean, considering the track record of how corporate media operates in modern times, this sounds like a recipe for the story to just get buried if the League has the pockets and the reach to make phone calls to get embarrassing stories to disappear.

"Then let's start at the beginning. Tell me about how the Champions came together. Tell me what happened that fateful night two years ago."

Actually, when is this set relative to Death of Duty anyways? Is this a prequel? Or is it set after it chronologically?

I nodded. "You're expecting some grand show of comraderie. Some great heroic speech that rallied the rest of the Champions behind me." I smirked, knowing that I'd grab her attention with the story of that fateful night. "But the truth is that we weren't even 'The Champions' until the war was over. We were just a bunch of scared trainers who refused to give up our friends to Ghetsis."

I tipped back the drink I had poured for myself and steeled myself for the memories. "I was just making dinner when it happened."

Oh, so this is an Unova league thing, and it sounds like Jason might have been the B1W1 PC of this world. Though I would recommend breaking up this last paragraph into at least two pieces, since there’s quite a bit going on in it at the moment.

The news had been blaring all day. A breaking news chevron ticked across the screen as a half-dozen talking heads offered useless opinion and banter in a confusing mess. Opelucid was still buried in ice, and chaos ruled the streets. I was in the kitchen, scrambling together a quick meal before I missed something important. As hectic as the night had been, we were hungry. We still had to eat, and like hell I was trusting Sherys in the kitchen.

Oh, never mind, Jason’s the B2W2 PC. Or at least, I think he is.

"Jason?" Sherys called from the couch. Her voice sounded scared, worse than it had been when I run into the kitchen. "You better come see this."

I dashed back down the hallway and into the living room, eyes gravitating immediately towards the TV. The breaking news chevron was back and the scene cut to the anchorman with a solemn look on his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I regret that I bring some terrible news. The Opelucid City Gym Leader, Drayden Shaga has been confirmed to have been killed in the attack. No word yet on the official casualty numbers, but Unova has suffered a terrible tragedy today."

Oh, I see you went with the “alt-localization name as a surname” route. I suppose it rolls off the tongue a bit easier than “Lysander”, though I’ll admit that I’d have been strongly tempted to go with “Aristide” for the sound.

And ah yes, the first hard sign that we’re in an AU right now. Not that I’d expect a dragon guy to handle getting hit by a crapton of ice all that well. I do think that this paragraph would function better as two smaller ones, though.

I didn't say anything, still staring at the screen mutely as the anchor continued droning on. Drayden gone... It just didn't seem possible. He was so indomitable, so indestructible. He was the media's darling, the heir apparent to Alder's throne until he revealed that he'd been grooming young Iris for the role. Rumour had it that the only reason he hadn't taken the Champion's mantle was his respect for Alder.

I’m now dying of laughter at the mental image of that one universe where the Plasma Frigate rolled into town and spewed a massive Fairy Wind everywhere after working with some Fairy legendary instead of Kyurem as its main driver.

Sherys broke the silence with a nervous cough. She picked up the remote and turned off the TV. She was trembling, looking at me for any clue as to my thoughts. I'd seen her cry a thousand times in her movies, but now that there were streams of very real tears running down her beautifully sculpted face, I was lost.

Did Sherys have some sort of connection to Drayden or else was some sort of strong fan? Since otherwise, I’m admittedly a bit surprised at how strong of a reaction this is to Drayden in particular kicking the bucket and not the load of everything else going on in Opelucid.

"Tell me about her," the reporter asked. She looked up at me when I didn't reply. "What was your marriage to Sherys like?"

Implying that said marriage no longer exists. Wonderful.

I paused, knowing that there was no going back from the things I was about to say. I'd be dragging the name of a dead woman through the mud for my own political purpose. I'd say that the decision took me time, but my mind had been decided months ago.

Well, that got a lot darker than I expected there. Here I thought they had divorced as a result of emotional fallout of this war that Jason was in, but…

"It was a private hell of our own making," I replied after a half a beat. "Sherys was a nice enough woman, but it was never a marriage of love. I was a status symbol to her, just a way for her to climb the social ranks just a little bit higher.”

[ ]

“She used the prestige that our marriage gave her to land starring roles in damn nearly every training drama worth mentioning..." I trailed off, my empty gaze dropping to the floor. "Did you know that she was the League Chairman's granddaughter? I didn't. Not until a few weeks ago actually."

My heartbeat quickened and I shook the ice around my drink. "Explains a lot about how things were to be honest."

I would recommend breaking Jason’s dialogue up into pieces here and adding something as a description / spacer after the bit where he accuses Sharys of being a status-climber since this is a lot to be saying all in one breath, and presumably some of this is startling enough to the reporters that they might have a noticeable reaction to things.

"And you met her through your contacts with Elesa Kamitsure?"

TIL what Elesa’s name in the JPN localization is. Not that the other alt-localizations are really ripe with options that sound better since her name ends in ‘-a’ in all of the Multi-5 localizations.

I nodded. "Yeah, Elesa introduced me to one of her modelling friends, set us up on the first date. I actually thought it went well..." I downed the rest of my drink and finally looked back at my guest. "Everything seemed so right at first. Maybe it was real at first. Maybe it was all fake, or maybe just some of it was…"

I picked up the bottle I had brought to the study and poured myself another glass. "What the hell do I know? I'm just a stubborn old man who preferred the company of his pokemon to a young woman after my heart."

That much is obvious considering how you’re publicly speaking ill of your dead wife, Jason. Though another paragraph that IMO works better hacked in two smaller ones.

The reporter continued scrawling at her notes for another moment before looking up at me. "And what made you realize that it wasn't, as you called it, a marriage of love?"

Jason: “... Isn’t this supposed to be an interview about my involvement in a war?”

Reporter: “You are the one who took this interview in this direction, Mr. Rykker…”

I shrugged.

She smiled at me, a smile that took me off guard. She did look a little like Sherys did at her age, and I think she knew that. She was smarter than I had taken her for, this reporter. She'd done her research.

"Now, now, Mr Rykker, you did promise to answer my questions. All of them."

I warned you about those rookie reporters, bro.

I sighed and looked down at the floor. "There was just this endless tension between us. Probably because she was the Chairman's grandchild. She was a pawn as much as I was. It hung over both of us, even though I didn't understand why at the time,” I told her. “I was kept under close watch by the League and allowed to resume casual training, and the Chairman put his prized grandchild into a marriage that flung her into the upper echelons of society."

All of this sounds totally normal and not creepy and weird at all. /s

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You were allowed to continue training?" She asked. "Was there a reason you had to stop? If I remember correctly, you retired without losing your mantle as Champion. What could possibly stop someone like that from continuing casual training at the least?"

Wait, so that means that Jason’s given up his Pokémon entirely? Or is “training” in this setting specifically meant in the sense of “rearing Pokémon for competition”?

I smiled. She had taken the bait. I knew she would. She reminded me of myself a bit, with her attitude. She resented this assignment too, even if I was likely to advance her career significantly. Nobody wanted to interview the broken old man with anger issues so they'd sent the youngest and most inexperienced member of their reporting team.

They would probably regret that soon enough. Someone a little more experienced might have been able to stop me, steer me toward what the network wanted.

… Wait, but how is Jason getting that vibe again? Since it wasn’t ever really described that the reporter is visibly agitated or impatient at all prior to this.

I sat forward in my chair, a devious grin on my face. "The League really doesn't like its dirty laundry aired out in public. I've signed a half-dozen contracts that mean I can't say anything regarding this issue in particular, but there are those who are not similarly bound by that thorny issue. Others who may be able to answer a tough question like that."

inb4 those other figures have been taken care of in some capacity, since given off the vibes that the Unova League has been giving off from the way that Jason is talking about them in the narration, I’m a little surprised that they aren’t hiring hitmen under the table to take out people who won’t play ball with them at this rate.

She leaned in closer to me, brushing her curly blonde locks out of her face. "I've never been the type to shy away from tough questions."

Translation: This woman’s going to get fired from her job within five years for asking questions her bosses don’t want her asking as a reporter.

I smiled. "Good," I said softly. "That'll make this a whole lot easier." I leaned back and sipped on my drink again. "Ask me another question. We should really get on with our interview."

So this short story is basically “Jason airs the Unova League’s dirty laundry from the events of an AU to B2W2 with a retelling of the messed-up stuff that went down during it” isn’t it?

She flipped through her notes and then looked up at me with a satisfied grin. "What made you call Alder that night? Records show that you called him twelve times after UNN went live with the attack on Opelucid."

I leaned back with a smug knowing grin that the camera would just eat up. "That was a good question, Ms Hall."

I’m a little surprised that this is public record, but I suppose it would be easier to track this among public figures and not private citizens.

I picked up the phone again. He hadn't answered the last six times, but I had to try anyway. Nobody knew what was going on, and my League handler wouldn't answer his phone either. Sherys had begged me not to bother calling, crying that getting myself killed being a hero wouldn't help anyone. As if I had playing hero on my mind at all. Most of my friends either worked or lived at the League campus north of Opelucid. I was just trying to figure out what was going on. Whether we were really under attack or the situation was under control.

Oh, so Jason got Sharys killed through his actions instead, huh? Since I get the feeling that that’s where things are going to wind up going in one of the later parts of this story.

Alder answered on the third ring. "Rykker?" He asked, panting loudly over the phone. "You got a lot of nerve calling now."

Wait, implying that Alder is blaming Rykker for what happened in Opelucid? Since otherwise where is the ‘lot of nerve’ coming from?

An explosion rang across the line and I pulled the phone away from my ear. "The hell you doing?" I asked.

More scuffling and shouts echoed across the line. "I'm a bit busy at the moment," Alder half shouted, his voice muffled as if he wasn't speaking into the phone. "What do you want?"

Oh that’s a good sign for whatever’s going on on the other end of the line right then and there.

Can’t tell if that’s a sign that Alder’s on a mobile phone or if that’s the world’s luckiest landline right now.

"To pass the fucking time, what the fuck do you think?"

I turned back to look at the TV and caught Sherys crying into her phone. She'd pulled her platinum blonde hair into a tight ponytail and was half-dressed. I ignored her, watching the UNN feed crackle and die in the middle of the broadcast.

"What the hell is happening Alder?"

Team Plasma doing their thing in B2W2, but taken up a couple notches.

The scuffling on the other end slowly abated and died. I heard the phone lift off the dock and somebody breathing heavily.

"The same thing that happened two years ago," he said. "Except this time we don't have a hero to save us. Plasma is back. They have some new weapon. It just… It freezes everything..." He trailed off and I felt the hurt in his voice.

"Iris is gone." He said suddenly. "They hit the league HQ first. All the elites, the executives, Iris…"

He trailed off again. Alder had lost his family in a terrible accident at sea a few years back. Only him and his grandson had survived, and he had turned to the drink for it. Iris had been close to Alder since she'd defeated him and become Champion. He'd looked at her like another member of his family and she'd saved him from the bottle. Her loss was sure to send my old friend off the deep end again.

Would suggest breaking this paragraph up into a few pieces, though boy did that escalate a lot faster than I was expecting even for an AU.

I took a second to breathe. "What do we do?" I asked. As much as Alder was grieving, he'd have a plan for this. He always did.

"Get out of the country. They'll shut off the teleporters within the day. Our best shot is the Mistralton airport, as long as we get there before Plasma does."

Well, Neo Team Plasma wasn’t messing around in this continuity given that they successfully pulled off a decapitation strike in what was otherwise the midpoint of the B2W2 plot. Sure is a good thing that the B1W1 protag went around on a world tour trying to stalk N, huh?

Though wait, your setting has a teleportation network? If so, what on earth is their range such that this is even coming up in conversation for an escape plan.

I nodded and turned to look at Sherys. She was peering out the window, rapid-fire panicking into her cell. At least she'd finished dressing. We'd have to leave immediately. "Meet you there?" I asked.

"I'll try, but I just had a member of the Shadow Tri-"

… Wait, is Alder even alive in the present day right now? .-.

The line died in a sudden burst of static. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it suspiciously. That hadn't been a normal disconnection. One of the lines had been cut. I put the phone down and hung up on the call. I picked it back up cautiously, praying that I would hear a normal dial tone. Angry static answered me.

And this is why you use mobile phones, kiddos. Your point of failure isn’t in the same literal building as you.

"Sherys," I called, turning away from the phone. Our line had been cut. Somebody was here. "Get away from the window."

… Oh, so this is where Sharys bites it, huh? Though I just noticed that you toggle back and forth between “Sharys” and “Sherys”. Nail down which of the two spellings you prefer and stick to it.

She turned to look at me, still panicking into her phone. She lowered it and opened her mouth to say something.

I never heard what she said. The window exploded, peppering the living room with a thousand shards of glass. A dagger of glass impaled my right shoulder, but I was saved from the brunt of the blast by virtue of standing in the hallway between our kitchen and living room.

Yeah, I feel pretty good in predicting that this is where Sharys bites it.

Sherys hadn't been so lucky. She'd been at the window. She fell back and hit the floor hard. I could hear her desperately gasping for air. I tore out the shard of glass in my shoulder, probably doing permanent damage in the process. I didn't care. I crawled over to my wife, cussing under my breath with every agonizing movement as I painted the chic carpet she'd picked out with my blood.

Whelp, I suppose that explains why Jason had a marriage. Emphasis on ‘had’.

It was too late for me to do anything for her. She was dead by the time I'd crawled across the room. My gorgeous, innocent wife was dead and I couldn't do a damn thing to save her.

I’ll admit, I had expected Sharys to make it until at least Part 3 or so, but nope. She’s just peacing out here. Definitely helps to set the tone for where the rest of this story is going to go.

She sat back, stretching her arms. "You said that it wasn't a marriage of love. But at the same time, you've previously mentioned the death of your wife as one of the hardest hitting deaths of the war. Why do you think that Sherys' death has weighed on you so heavily?"

Jason: “Lady, do you seriously think that seeing someone bleed out next to you on your living room carpet won’t stick with you?” [eltyunamused]
Reporter: “In my defense, you did make it sound like you and your wife were a bit distant from each other.” [wellyousee]

I sighed and shrugged again. "I couldn't say. We were never overly close, except for at the beginning. But you don't just live with someone for almost ten years without coming to care for them."

Just not enough to not badmouth them in a press interview, even if I’m starting to suspect that was deliberate in order to get the reporter interested in hearing what you had to say unfiltered.

She looked up at me. "There's more to it than that though. You gave a completely different answer to your League handlers during your debrief."

Okay, yeah. It was deliberate.

"You aren't supposed to have access to that," I growled. I'd been downright hostile to the League spooks when they brought me in. As little as I cared about my public image, that recording was not one that painted me in a good light.

Oh, oh dear… which I suppose is a sign that we’re going to see/hear this recording at some point in this story.

She smiled. "I'm a good reporter, Mr. Rykker, despite my age. It wouldn't be the first time I got a hold of something the League didn't want released."

You see, I’m not so convinced that that was really the case if the Unova League knew that Jason was rocking the boat and wanted to keep him in line.

I stayed silent for a moment, just studying her. I wasn't sure whether to open up or kick her out of my house. She was smarter than I'd given her credit for

"Look," she started. "I can tell that you've got a whole little blood feud going on between you and the League. It's plain enough to anyone with a brain. I know that you're planning on hijacking this interview to paint the League in the worst light you can.”

[ ]

“But I'm here to tell your story. This interview? It's not for the League. It's for the people of Unova. They want to meet their heroes. They want to know that they're people just like the rest of us." She sat back and glanced down at my drink, brushing her hair away from her face again.

That’s a lot of words all in one breath there. I would have the reporter pause, Jason react to things or something, and then continue on to better sell the impression of there being a brief stop or something like that.

I nodded slowly. I reached down for my bottle and picked it up. I slowly and methodically topped off my glass and produced another one from my side table. I poured a generous amount and held it out to her. She took it in silence, still watching me as I put the bottle back beside my chair.

"I told you already that I'm not a hero. A real hero would have saved the people they cared about."

No, heroes failing at saving the people they care about has been a thing in heroic fiction since antiquity, Jason. Though it does make me wonder if there’s other things that Jason’s not talking about yet that are weighing on him.

"Instead, you just saved hundreds of innocent trainers and directly contributed to the downfall of a dangerous madman. Not all heroes are straight from legend."

Okay, now I’m interested in what on earth happened there for an incident. Though I suppose that’s what the rest of the story is about.

I smirked. She really was good at using words to her advantage. Probably why she was a reporter. I raised my glass and clinked it against hers. "To heroes then," I said solemnly.

She raised her glass and we drank together.

… Of a certain vintage, anyways.

Sherys just looked up at me with that stiff, terrified expression. I didn't know what was happening, or what to do. I felt like anything but a hero in that moment.

Jason:

Fortunately, my pokemon weren't so lackadaisical in their own responses. Demeter, my trevenant was bellowing a ghastly warning out in the yard. Phantom roots and vines had risen from the dirt and wrapped themselves around the assailant. My phantom tree had always felt more at home standing guard outside the house, and now she had turned my front yard into a nightmare of haunted foliage. I couldn't tell where Soulfire was, but the chandelure had to be close by. I could feel his careful gaze on me, watching for any further disturbance.

I have to wonder how on earth those two think of this day themselves. Though if by “giving up training”, Jason indeed quit his Pokémon, it gives this moment some

undertones.

I left Sherys there, something that haunts me to this day. She was just a pawn like me, used by the League for their twisted version of control. She was an innocent woman, married to someone she didn't love. She didn't deserve to die for the fact that she lived with me. The fact remained that I didn't have the time to spare a proper burial. Demeter may have stopped the attacker, but I doubted that he'd be the last. Plasma had planned on wiping all Champion level trainers off the board during their first attempt at bringing down the League, and if this really was them I could be sure that they still had that plan.

So how much of an unholy mess was the last attempt at a Plasma coup anyways? Since if this is their follow-up when they were less organized and had half their ranks up and leave…

Though then again, this is an AU, so perhaps I can’t take any of that for granted.

So we ran. I returned Soulfire and Demeter to their balls. As much as their presence would have comforted me, they were far too conspicuous for easy travel. They were the only two remaining members of my championship team. They were celebrities in their own right, with Soulfire's league highlight page eclipsing my own in viewership.

… Wait, so then what happened to the rest of that team?

I released Mandagar, my mandibuzz outside. She was a relatively recent capture, having only recently wandered onto the property and found herself captured by a pair of obscenely powerful ghosts. Still, I needed to fly halfway across Unova in the dead of night. She'd taken to my orders relatively well, but I still had my reservations about the bird. Mandibuzz are vengeful, patient creatures. If she'd wanted to he could have gutted me and flown off, or simply just bucked me off mid-flight. Thankfully though, she had no such plans for the moment.

So how many bones and treats did Jason have to bribe Mandagar afterwards with to smooth things over anyways? :V

"We made it to Mistralton just before morning," I said. I tipped back my drink again, downing the rest of it. "I bought myself a one-way ticket to Kanto. I thought we were home free."

I assume that the Unova League is distinct from its government? Since I’m surprised that there were even commercial flights running with the level of sophistication of Plasma’s attack in this continuity instead of airspace getting frozen immediately while the local government tried to work out ways to shoot the Plasma Frigate out of the air.

"So you never planned on gathering in Mistralton?" She asked. "It was just all a coincidence?"

"Coincidence, fate, call it whatever you want. Just because that's where we fought together for the first time, doesn't mean anything."

Oh, so it was a coincidence and Jason’s heroism is entirely due to getting cornered while trying to run away, huh?

She scrawled madly at her notes before looking back up at me. "So, what happened next?"

I sighed and lifted the bottle again. This was the part that I'd been dreading. The part that I had never wanted to tell another living soul again. "I found her alone, crying to herself."

"Would you be referring to Ms. Mayweather?"

Wait, who is this now?

I winced audibly at the mention of her name. "Yeah," I replied in a cold tone. "That's where I met Liza."

… As in the Mossdeep City Gym Leader, or…?

She sipped at her own drink and then looked back at me. "So, what actually happened next?"

I frowned, thinking back to that god-forsaken airport. "We survived. Despite all of fate's best efforts, we survived."

Totally a good omen for where the other parts of this story are going to go since Jason’s talking about it in ‘war flashbacks’ terms. Guess it’s fortunate that he didn’t opt for fleeing by boat, huh?

Boy, that was a ride. Like it’s definitely its own, much grittier continuity to the Unova games, but it excelled in setting the overall mood of the story early. The atmosphere and sense of things spiraling hard and out of control comes through throughout the story, and in spite of us already knowing where the ultimate destination is for Jason, you do a pretty good job at keeping the journey suspenseful since by virtue of being an AU where multiple major canon characters bite it in rapid succession, there’s not a lot that we can take for granted here. Definitely one of the better uses of first person perspective narration that I’ve seen used in a story.

I don’t have too many things to complain about, but make sure to do a once-over of your story to ferret out typos and the like, since I noticed that you had some small but persistent errors such as inconsistent spelling of Sharys/Sherys. There’s also some really dense paragraphs at points that probably make sense to break up and in some cases expand with more detail, and it might have made sense to hint earlier on that this was an AU, but otherwise this was really solidly put together.

Good work @Joshthewriter . I’ll be back for more of this story since we’ve got that review exchange of ours, but just based off this first chapter alone, I can already tell that the rest is going to be a wild ride, and I’m looking forward to it.

 

[bluesidra]

For Blitz purposes: Number of Reviews per chapter!

Everything but ch1 is eligible for Blitz 22/23 week3 bonus!​

 

[Sinderella]

JOSHUA THE FUCKING WRITER YOU HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME.

If I didn't have 7 review exchanges that I've barely started I'd binge this all the way through (I should cuz you're one of them) BUT HOLY SHIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I'M FUCKING SCREAMING AT THIS. This was only the first chapter of this segment and it was so good??? What???????

First off, I fucking LOVED the juxtaposition between what was happening in the interview and the flashbacks to the events that Rykker is discussing. I am such a slut for interview tropes, especially when they're done WELL, and homie you did this WELL. I was wondering if this was just going to be a "he-said-she-said" interview but NOOOOOOO you gave us the GOOD LOOK at what was happening.

Also, I think you mentioned in your review of WSBS that you're like....bad at scene setting or something? I don't quite remember if that was you, or if you said something like that, but either way, THE VIBES IN THIS ARE IMMACULATE, so if that WAS you, take that OUT OF YOUR HEAD THIS INSTANT. In the interview scene, I get perfect feelings of tension, and "I'm about to cause problems on purpose," and then flashing back to the moment of the carnage gives me perfect feelings of dread, and oh shit oh shit oh shit, this is BAD, and just......very good. Very good shit. I love me some tales of survival like this, I love the stories of "oh shit we have to GO." It's so good. Especially in this format, after it already happened, and the characters are just recalling it.

I assume Jason is an OC of yours? I couldn't remember a dude named Jason or Rykker from the Unova games so I'm going to assume that that's the case, and he's just a former champion. Knows Alder and that shit, I guess they're.....somewhat friendly, judging by their dialogue? I guess Sherys is also an OC? (is there anything here that I'd understand better if I read Journey entirely? I'll get to that point eventually LOL)

Also the quote at the beginning of the passage was fucking GREAT, I deadass thought that was a real quote from a real person, you got me good, sir.

Also WOW, CANON CHARACTER DEATHS. Drayden and Iris just.....gonezo. Also mentioned that the elite 4 members were dead too???? Alder somehow managed to make it out??? I mean good for him, but also,...holy fuck poor Iris, my god.

So I suppose, if I'm reading this right, Plasma was defeated once before but has COME BACK to take down the League? I'm guessing from the setup that your League is also kind of like a government agency sort of thing? They're part of running the world, I guess? And now Plasma is back to just kill the whole government and every powerful trainer they'd had on hand. Fucking wow. I'm sure I'm going to get more insight the more I read, this is just my understanding from what's here now. I also assume this takes place in the same world as Journey overall? Is it like a side plot? A prequel? I MUST READ ON TO KNOW, I'M SO INTRIGUED.

I think I like Rykker. You said "anger issues" and I was like "mama yes." I was having a hard time keeping track of how old he was because it was mentioned he was as young as the reported when he took the champion title initially, but now he's an old man, and all this happened when he was in old man stage. I guess he fought Plasma originally when he was initially champ if I understood right? That might just be my speedreader syndrome glazing over/missing something so I'll have to go back and confirm that. Nonetheless, I like him. No nonsense, not full of himself, just wants to speak the truth. Cares about people even if it doesn't seem that way. I'm gonna have a good time following him.

I also like how you characterized the reporter. She's young, but she's obviously good at her job, because she's on the same page as Rykker. Just wants to get the truth out. I love the understanding they seem to come to right before getting into the nitty gritty of the interview. I can't wait to see how this evolves, and how she reacts to what's about to be said.

All of that to say, this was REALLY GOOD. I thoroughly enjoyed it, so much so, I don't have much to nitpick. The only thing that really stood out to me was the use of the word "grooming" in regard to Alder making Iris champ. Like, I KNOW what you were trying to say, and my brain didn't automatically go to the worst possible scenario, but it still made me jump just because of the connotations of the word "groom" and the context of Iris being a fucking baby child and Alder being an older man. So if anything I'd use a different word. Maybe "train" or "prepare." But that's all Ii got.

In the words of the Terminator, I'LL BE BACK.

 

[Negrek]

Hey, Josh! I was planning to review "What We Do For Our Children" this Blitz; wasn't expecting to end up here first! But the roulette made for a good excuse to take a look at "The Champions" instead.

I'm really curious where this side-story fits in with the rest of Journey. Is Rykker a character who appears in the main storyline, and this is intended to give him some more backstory? Do some of the events touched on here actually happen in the main fic, and so we're getting an alternate perspective here? Or are they referenced briefly in the main story, or perhaps not at all, and this is just another story that happens to be set in the same world? In general this feels like it would work well enough as its own stand-alone thing, so I'm curious to what degree it has deeper ties with your primary story.

It's interesting to see a fic focusing on the BW2 plot rather than BW1; I think a lot of people are really drawn to the ethical dilemmas presented by BW1 versus the "I built a freeze ray" villainy of BW2, but when played straight, it really is a terrifying situation, with multiple cities in Unova consumed by ice. It's a lot of fun seeing you play with those ideas here and make Ghetsis' forces seem far more difficult to take down. I think you did a good job of translating the plot of the games into a form that feels more serious than goofy and which gives a nice spotlight to what everyone else in Unova was doing about the Plasma threat before the hero swooped in to save the day. I always enjoy fics that take a look at what's going on outside the game protagonist's point of view.

The format of this fic is a lot of fun; the interview with the jaded, bitter survivor who has no more fucks to give and doesn't care who they piss off by telling the truth is a classic scenario for a reason, and I think you do a great job with it here. Jason's clearly still messed up about everything that happened during the war, and I thought you did a good job of having his bitterness and depression color his thoughts and the whole way that he approached the interview. I could feel his exhaustion and resignation throughout, and his "I'm going to say this even though I know he'll kill me for it" made sense after all the build-up and the general demonstration of how little Jason feels he has to live for. I'm guessing his new position in Kanto kicks off his involvement in Journey somehow? I wouldn't mind seeing more of him in the main fic.

I think this sort of action/suspense narrative interspersed with more reflective sections suits your writing style well, and you know how to spin out a tense scene. The first couple chapters in particular I felt were nicely propulsive--I wanted to read more and see where the story was going! If nothing else you're introducing a very different take on the Unova canon, and I was curious to see what all would actually happen with this war.

I also thought the pokémon were cute! Demeter hanging out in the garden, pretending to be a tree was fun. They didn't get much of a spotlight in this fic, but I enjoyed them when they showed up.

One reason I was wondering whether this is fleshing out events that are shown in more detail in Journey is that some parts of this fic felt a little perfunctory to me. I think one of your particular strengths is in action and battle writing, and to me probably the two strongest scenes here were the one in the opening chapter where Sherys dies, which has some real nice build-up and tension, and the attack at the airport. It felt like the flashback action scenes got less detailed and fleshed out as the fic went along, though; in the final battle I thought you might ham it up a bit with Kyurem arriving on the field and being generally terrifying, but its appearance wasn't really described beyond there being a thrumming, and then it uses some kind of ice attack that kills a bunch of people, and that's the last we hear of it. Jason isn't even in place to watch what was going on during the final battle against Ghetsis and Kyurem. If these are scenes that already appear in Journey, it makes sense not to fully recap them here. If not, it seemed kind of odd to me that you didn't go big on the action when you had the chance! There's always a tricky balance, of course, in that if you really indulged in the battle scenes this would probably be 20k+ words long, and presumably you wanted to keep this, as a side-story, a little more manageable than that. And you were primarily concerned to what happened to "present-day" Jason, I think, so putting too much emphasis on the past might have taken away from that. As it was, though, it felt odd to me that the action kind of ramped down rather than up, almost like you were running out of time/word count in which to finish the story.

Another place where I thought that this fic definitely had a strong side-story feel was in the characters--we didn't really get to see a lot out of anyone besides Jason and the interviewer, plus a little Benga. This isn't a huge deal in that your focus was primarily on the present day, and those were the characters who mattered there. However, it did mean that e.g. Eliza's death didn't mean much to me... We don't see much of her after the initial scene in the airport outside of a couple mentions of her fighting and her pokémon dying, and then she dies. While this obviously had a big impact on Jason, it didn't mean a lot to me, the same as Sherys' death didn't do much for me since she'd also been on-screen for just a few paragraphs. (I also got Eliza/Elesa confused a couple times, heh.) Similar deal with Alder, or even with N--Jason mentions that N loses his gentleness and idealism over the course of the war, but iirc he doesn't actually have any speaking lines, so I didn't really see that happening in the text itself. Not a big deal if these characters, again, appear more in Journey itself such that the reader is already supposed to have some familiarity with them, but reading this as a standalone it did mean that I didn't get such a visceral feeling for Jason's experience in the war and how it impacted the people around him.

I am curious who Jason was waiting on in his final fight against Benga--presumably not Red? I was thinking it was the Heroes of Truth, and Jason was perhaps drawing a parallel with how they'd swooped in to save the day at the end of the war. No particular complaint about it being Red aside from some surprise that he was hanging out in Unova, I was just curious.

There were some minor things that confused me or seemed odd to me when I read along:

- If a phone line's been cut, you get silence on the line rather than static. I was also confused, since I had thought Jason and Sherys were on cell phones, in which case there wouldn't be a line to cut anyway? But even if you metaphorically cut the line on a cell phone, it would just act like it had no service and give you no sound as opposed to static.

- The bit about all the windows facing north, so they couldn't see the approaching airship, was odd to me... Airports are generally pretty window-heavy places, so it's hard for me to imagine there weren't some looking out in other directions nearby.

- I was surprised that the final interview aired on television with a lot of footage of Jason actually talking to the interviewer in it, since I didn't get the impression that there was anyone else in the room and it would make the logistics of what went on during the interview kind of weird. Like, did the camera crew not get any of the veggie tray and get told to fuck off when the interviewer was invited to stay over? Was the interviewer actually filming with a tripod or something throughout and it wasn't mentioned?

Despite my complaints, I think this is a fun look at a side of canon that often doesn't get a lot of attention in the fandom, and it may work even better in the context of Journey as a whole. I enjoy some action, some noir tropes, and some gritty pokémon stories, and this one brought all those elements to the table for sure. If anything, what I wanted was a bit more--more action, more of some of the side characters (particularly the OCs), and more pokémon! I don't know if this is necessarily the best introduction to the Journey-verse, but I had a good time here all the same.

 

[Umbramatic]

Hey! I'm here for Blitz! This is a review of Nightmare because I saw this was a fic about the infamous Tobias, who I also had plans for that I will get to in 3000 years, so I was very curious about this! Gonna experiment a bit with a new reviewing style too.

Lmao my boy lives in a fucking cemetery, of course. With DARKITY DARK DARKNESS.

Also hey Alamos. Deep cut.

Similarly hey Baron Alberto! Does he get turned into a Lickilicky again?

Uh oh,Darkrai may or may not be killing people. This is probably Tobias' fault. Probably.

And Darkrai is here! Somehow being a shoulder Darkrai. Or peeking over Tobias' shoulder. Whichever is funnier.

Oh shit? Another Darkrai? Is this the multiverse stuff in action?

IS THERE ANOTHER TOBIAS BUT EVIL(ER)?

(The prose is real nice btw)

Ah it is Darkrai time. He not dead is sad he lost his friend. :(

Weird everyone calls Darkrai a ghost when it's... not.

Oh. Baron Alberto's dead, Fuck.

The entire mob is dead. That's. A lot of death for Darkrai to account for huh.

But he's gonna SAVE HIS FRIEND ANYWAY

Oh hey back to Tobias. There's a lady with him.

Oh no the alter ego is killing Tobias, to the joy of Diamond and Pearl era Pokemoln anime fans everywhere.

Oh hey it's back to Darkrai. And Cressilia!

Man Cressilia's being kind of a jerk. "jUsT fInD a RePlAcEmEnT hUmAn"

LMAO at Tobias being sick of the dark.

Ah, zombies. Now I'm really seeing this is a Halloween special.

Oh hey it's Cynthia! I like that she and Tobias are old buds(?)

>Toby

Ohhhh, the doppelganger is a fusion. Terrifying!

Cynthia is heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!

FUSION VS. FUSION but uh oh Toby is stuck and wants to be mercy killed even if Cynthia refuses

Oh. Cresselia makes her do it anyway. Welp.

AND OF COURSE RAINBOW ROCKET GIOVANNI'S BEHIND THIS

That was a fun Haloween special! Thanks for the read!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, dropping back in for a couple more chapters of The Champions to peck away at that review exchange that we set up earlier. With you dropping a generous review of Like a Dragon on my lap earlier last week, I figured that it was a good enough reason to speed up my own readthrough a bit:

Part 2

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

I trudged through the Mistralton airport with a wide-brimmed hat that I'd swiped off the rack at the airport's duty-free shop pulled down to hide my face. I wasn't the only trainer here, there were more hiding in every corner, but I was likely the most famous by far. Former Champions aren't exactly a common sight in public, even during moments of crisis like that. I'd caught a few lingering glances and I knew that I'd been made by at least one of the other trainers here. There was nothing I could have done about it though. My flight didn't leave for another three hours.

Reminder that Jason is narrating this as an after the fact in a press interview some years later, so it probably doesn’t make sense to talk about “like this” since that would be referring to some sort of ongoing state of crisis.

Though just saying Jason, you could’ve just hopped a boat and fled in a fashion that while slower wouldn’t have an obvious choke point or else be potentially cut off by comms failures. Or else have attempted to flee to a foreign embassy/consulate since those are usually the safest places to be during coup d’etats.

I passed by the desk at the gate and stole a glance at the woman manning the desk. She was deep in argument with a young woman who was growing increasingly agitated. I caught a few lightly accented words and swore under my breath as I realized that she was a foreign trainer, just trying to get out of the country before she lost her friends. I ducked off to the side of the gate and sat myself in the corner of the seating area, as far away from any prying eyes as I could get. As much as I'd have loved to help, I was in no position to do much more than offer empty words.

Oh, so this is Liza, huh? As in the Hoenn Gym leader? Though I have to wonder what is making this trainer assume that this is a safer option than attempting to go to her region/country’s consulate.

… Unless if they’ve yeeted her here because there’s no guarantees that they’ll be breached or something like that, but that was never explicitly mentioned in the narration either here or in Part 1.

I flipped open my Xtranceiver and stared blankly at the screen. Alder still hadn't answered any of my hundred or so texts, making me worried. He was strong, but he was not invincible. None of us were, as we had clearly been shown. Drayden and Iris were examples enough of that. I slammed the Xtranceiver shut and looked out at the rest of the terminal from under my hat.

Wait, there’s still working cell service in the middle of a coup d’etat instead of Neo Plasma attempting to down it in order to mess with the ability of the local government / people on their kill list to coordinate?

Though then again, nobody said that Plasma in general were optimal operators considering how their plot in B1W1 falls apart thanks to one teen with a dragon of legend and a champ team, so…

The face of Unova's most infamous trainer stared back at me from across the terminal. His messy green hair was tucked under a wide-brimmed hat much like my own, tufts of hair sticking out from the sides of the hat undermining his effort to hide himself. His companion sat down beside him, a girl probably still in the midst of her league challenge. She was sleeping as far as I could tell, her arms folded and her eyes shut. He held a single finger up to his lips, shushing me.

Oh, so N is here too, huh? Does he also still have draggy? Or is s/he busy being fused with Kyurem right now?

"So, that's where you met N as well?" She asked as she pushed her glass toward me for a refill.

Yeah, I called it. Though I kinda wonder if there should’ve been some sort of scene break when jumping from the past to the present. Since you did that in Part 1 and it’s a little weird to not see it done here.

We'd moved into my kitchen after I'd complained about needing a snack. She hadn't protested, so I'd put together a platter of snacks for the both of us. Meats, cheeses, veggies, berries, everything you could want was piled up high and served with an oversized jar of vegetable dip. It wasn't much of a meal, but I hadn't really been expecting her to stay for dinner. My fridge wasn't usually stocked for two. It was this or a frozen entree, and I didn't think the entree was appropriate.

… How long has this interview been going on at this point? .-.

I poured her another generous glass of liquor and pushed it back towards her. "Technically, we'd already briefly met, but yes that is where we spoke for the first time."

She sipped at her drink, washing down her food. "What was he like?"

That’s what I’m curious about myself, since this setting’s already a bit off-spec from most depictions of canon, and N has a decent amount of variance in how he’s depicted in the fandom.

I looked down at my food, my feeling conflicted. On one hand, he had been a pawn of Ghetsis during the first Plasma crisis. He'd been used and discarded the moment his usefulness ran its course, just like I had been. On the other hand, he was still the same man who led a rebellion against the League that resulted in dozens of deaths. He was complicit in that as much as the League had been in creating the conditions that lead to it.

Hall: “... So how was he allowed to just go around in public in light of that, again?”

Jason: “Look lady, I’m pretty sure that it’s already obvious from my story that he was going around incognito. (As hard as it is to believe that he could’ve pulled that off with his hairdo.)” >_>;

"He was a dreamer," I said cryptically. "He still saw the world in the same light, still saw the injustice in the League's system. He was still just as ready to fight for a better world." I shrugged, not knowing exactly how to articulate myself. "At least this time he was on our side."

Oh, so N is the Hero of Ideals in this setting, huh? Since this sounds very ‘Hero of Ideals’ here.

"That's all great, but I was looking for a more personal take." She put down her notepad and raised an eyebrow at me. "Something real, personal to you."

Wait… so then was Jason the B1W1 protagonist in this setting? Since from the way he talks about N…

I looked up at her and she saw the conflict worn clear on my face. [ ]

"I hated him for what he was. He was a living symbol of the League's failings,” I replied. “His very existence sparked questions about the League's system, just because he dared to ask if things could be different. Don't get me wrong, I have my issues with the way the League works, but it is fundamentally a good thing."

I smiled, lost in thoughts of a happier world. [ ]

"The idea of a team of people dedicated to the safety of the people? A team to defend us against the monsters of the wild? It's an optimistic idea to be sure As if that team, that Champion, would be above political motives and bullshit of the day..."

I would recommend hacking this paragraph up into description and dialogue paragraphs and expanding the description ones a bit, since as-is it’s a pretty dense read.

She looked at me with an intriguing smile. "I take it that it was not quite as pure as you expected?"

Jason: “Lady, you already know what the answer is going to be, so why are you even-?”

Hall: “Again, I want to hear your story from your own words, Mr. Rykker.”

I frowned. "I never asked for that kind of responsibility. Hell, I didn't know anything about responsibility when I made Champion. I was fifteen for fuck's sake." I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I really can't explain any further. I've already probably said too much."

Okay, yeah. Jason is the B1W1 PC of this world. Though I suppose this means that unlike the one in the games, he didn’t go on a world tour chasing after N’s footsteps.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "In the privacy of your own home?"

I smiled innocently at her. "As if I would be allowed such privacy. Do you really think that I'm afforded that? That the League would allow that?"

Hall: “... Should I be concerned? Since we can always continue this interview in some other-”

Jason: “Nah, it’s fine. I’ve learned a thing or two about giving careful responses on the job.”

She looked down at her notes and frowned. "We were talking about N," she said. She was smart. I could see her putting the clues together in her head. "What did you think of him personally?"

It’s going to be some super-impolitic answer like “N was right and every day, I wonder if he had a point”, isn’t it?

I nodded and sat back in my chair. I'd given her the clues, hammered her over the head with some of them. All that was left was for me to finish up our interview.

"He was nothing like the news reports made him out to be, all soft concern and compassion for those who had been wronged. He was no fiery revolutionary, despite what I'd seen on the news. Just a lost soul looking for someone to help him."

Wait, so N wasn’t “all soft concern” or he was? I’m unsure if I follow what the intent there was since it’s a bit ambiguous. If it’s meant to be that N was “all soft concern and compassion”, you probably want to turn the area around “made him out to be” into something like “[...] made him out to be. He was all soft concern [...]”

… Though from the talk about N as a person who ‘was’ a way, that’s a pretty bad omen for him making it alive past this short story.

She looked straight into my eyes and I felt her gaze working through the layers of emotionless exterior that I kept around myself. "But you still hated him?" she asked quietly.

I nodded. "Yes," I said coldly. "He still thought himself above us, like he was better than the rest of us because he didn't call himself a trainer." I shook my head. "He still had a team of pokemon fit to rival any Champion. He still called them into battle, even when they had no hope of winning. He was a trainer, whether he liked that or not."

Yeah, N really was kinda coping hard for much of B1W1 about only being a trainer by necessity, huh? Though given that he apparently can understand Pokémon, that makes me wonder how on earth he ever squared the circle regarding Ghetsis’ Hydreigon, who apparently hates the man’s guts from how he rocks full-strength Frustration.

She nodded and jotted down a note on her pad. "Where did you meet Ms. Mayweather?" She asked, pivoting away from N. I think she could tell that she wasn't going to get anything useful out of me with that subject. "Records show she was a part of 'The Champions' from the very beginning. How did she come into play?"

Oh, ‘The Champions’ is some sort of group in-setting? What sort it is, I’m not sure just yet.

My expression froze. I fought the urge to pitch my drink at the mention of her name. She hadn't deserved that cold fate, even less so than the rest of us.

"Eliza Mayweather was perhaps the greatest hero out of the six. She was trapped in a foreign country, with enemies at every turn. Through it all, she held onto hope that she would see her home again… Hope that I tried to give her."

Oh, so the canon characters are going to be dropping like flies in this short story, huh? Well, more than they already have been.

"What happened, Mr. Rykker?"

I hung my head in shame. "She died."

Yeah, I figured. Though this is why y’all should’ve gone for the docks and not the airport, Jason.

It had been two and a half agonizing hours. Alder still hadn't shown, something that was beginning to give me pause. I wasn't entirely sure whether I should get on the plane or not.

inb4 planes start getting blown out of the sky right after takeoff.

Another outburst from the desk drew my attention, along with every other person in the terminal. The woman who had been at the desk when I arrived was back at the desk, pleading with the attendant in an increasingly desperate tone.

I glanced around, watching a half dozen of the other travellers at the gate begin discreetly filming her. She was drawing attention to us all, too much for my liking. Plasma could arrive at any second, and she'd given them the equivalent of a blinking sign in the sky. I stood up, catching a knowing wink from N in the process. The smug bastard probably already knew what I was doing.

How on earth is that even being allowed right now under these circumstances given that Neo Plasma is apparently going around and murking Pokémon trainers in various parts of Unova? Like you’d think whatever security is on standby would be going around confiscating phones like those to avoid tipping off “hey, Plasma Frigate, come and lazor the terminal out of existence”.

I crossed the gate quickly and sidled up behind the woman. She was sobbing, loud and hard into her phone. "Excuse me?" I said. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh!" the desk attendant said. "Mr. Rykker, my apologies. We had no clue that you were among us today. I was just-"

Wow, Jason’s really made a name for himself since B1W1 if random strangers can instantly recognize him.

"Stop," I said, hushing her before she could continue.

She'd recognized me instantly, something I'd been afraid of. At least I could use that to my advantage. Being a celebrity does have its uses at times.

"What is the issue here?" I continued. "It's probably not very good for business for Air Unova to have a former Champion as a disgruntled passenger." I turned to the young woman and smiled. "What seems to be the problem with my companion here?"

Would recommend chopping this paragraph up into a couple pieces.

"Well, as I was just explaining to Ms. Mayweather, we cannot change the departure time for any reason. These things are determined far in advan-"

Jason: “Lady, there’s literally death squads going around picking people off right now!”

I turned away, half hauling the desperate young woman away from the desk. She wasn't going to get anywhere like this, and I needed her to calm down. It drew every pair of eyes in the terminal, something that I'd feared. There was nothing I could do. I had to calm her down before someone from Plasma caught wind of the dozen or so trainers impatiently waiting for escape. Or else we were all dead anyways.

Again, this is why you should’ve taken a boat, Jason. Though that makes me wonder why on earth there’s been no attempt by outside powers to attempt to organize an airlift in these circumstances, or else if things have just been moving too hard and too fast for anyone to get their own planes and military units to babysit them onto the tarmac at Mistralton.

I sat her down in the seat and knelt in front of her. She met my gaze with her own and I could tell she was angry. "Look," I started. "I want to get out of here just as much as you do."

My mind drifted back to Sherys and I suppressed tears that I couldn't spare. [ ]

"Making a scene is just gonna bring them down on us that much faster. You understand?"

Would recommend breaking this up and adding a bit more description to sell the sense that Jason’s pausing a bit.

She looked down at her phone, slowly calming the massive sobs wracking her body. "We should have left already," she said between sobs. "We can't be here when they get here. They'll separate us from our pokemon, take them away from us."

"No," I said. "They won't. They're killing any who resist. The fact that you're here, with me? It means that you resisted."

You’d think that with those being the established stakes that sitting around penned up in one place just waiting would be borderline torture for Jason. I wonder if his relative lack of tension recalled in his story is deliberate or not. Since I suppose it would make sense for the ex-B1W1 hero to be able ot keep a relatively cool head under pressure.

"I didn't-"

I cut her off with an angry glare. "Look, I didn't make the rules. But we have to stay calm. That's the only thing that's gonna get us through this."

My eyes didn't leave hers, and I felt her slowly relax as she slowed her breathing. [ ]

"We aren't the only trainers here, so let's stay calm until we have a reason to panic. We're all here for the same thing so let's just relax and wait for the plane." I smiled as best I could, hoping that my words would get through to her.

She nodded slowly. "Thank you," she mumbled.

You. 👏 Should. 👏 Have. 👏 Fled. 👏 By. 👏 Sea.

Though same deal here for breaking things up and expanding the descriptive portion.

I smiled in a thinly veiled attempt to raise her mood. "Don't mention it," I said. I stood up slowly and sat down in the seat beside her. "What's your name, kid?"

She couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen. Probably came over to try her hand at the Unova circuit when she stalled out in her home country. It was pretty common back then.

"My name is Liza. I'm from Hoenn."

Oh, so it really is that Liza, huh? Though then where’s Tate in all of this? Or has he already been knocked off by this point.

I nodded, scanning the crowd for any inquisitive faces. I caught N's gaze for a moment and the condescending bastard just smirked at me.

"Well, Miss Liza, welcome to Unova. As you can see, we're in the middle of something at the moment. Please try not to judge us too harshly for it."

Liza’s Yelp reviews of Mistralton’s airport and the businesses in it from around this timeframe must be morbidly hilarious to behold.

She looked at me blankly, shoulder length brown hair perfectly framing her pretty, young face. She had a red bow tied in her hair and I noticed that her travel gear was relatively new.

"Was that supposed to be funny?" She asked.

Jason: “... And if it was…?”

I grimaced. I was really only used to speaking with Sherys and my League handler on a regular basis and it was showing. Even my sarcasm wasn't funny, possessing none of the with that I'd had in my youth.

"Yes," I said blankly. I looked down at her outfit, eager to change the subject. "New to Unova? I asked?"

She nodded. "Got here less than a month ago. I was planning on running the League circuit, but that isn't happening now."

Oh, so Liza was here for the PWT, wasn’t she?

I smiled at her. She was just a kid, travelling and seeing the world before she challenged the League most likely. She was still optimistic about the way the world worked, a lot like I had been before I made Champion. I pitied her.

"You probably dodged a bullet there," I said.

Liza: “

Your read’s more than a little off there, just saying.”

She turned to look at me, confused. "How so?"

I smiled, my best facsimile of an innocent smile. "The League isn't what you think it is, kid. Take it from me, you're better off finding yourself a nice cushy private sector job and settling down. Better that than trap yourself in responsibility that you never asked for."

Unless if Liza didn’t have her stint as the joint Gym Leader with Tate in this continuity, this advice feels a weeee bit late there.

She studied my face. I knew I wasn't making a good first impression, but I didn't really care. I'd calmed her down and gotten her away from the desk. That was all that I really cared about.

"You're just a ray a sunshine, aren't you?"

I smirked. "I'm positively golden," I replied. "Jason Rykker, former Champion of the Unova League."

Cue him getting floored when she introduces herself as one of the Gym Leaders of Mossdeep City.

She frowned and looked down at her phone. "I know," she started, before she fell silent.

I traced her view to her phone screen. It was open on a message. I looked away, not trying to intrude. It was already too late for that though. There are some things that aren't for other people to see. That was one of them.

Given Liza’s reaction, I’m starting to suspect that something happened to Tate. .-.

"If you don't mind my intrusion, what was the message?" She asked.

I frowned. I hadn't been trying to intrude myself. It still hurt to think about what that kid was trying to say. That she never would get an answer.

"I didn't catch it," I said curtly. "It wasn't for my eyes to see."

Hall:

She frowned. "But your eyes did see it. I can see that on your face."

It was absolutely some message about Tate being hurt or worse, wasn’t it? Since I did find it a bit curious that Liza was there but not Tate.

I met her gaze and I think she felt that pushing on this wasn't going to get her an answer. So she changed her tack.

"Moving on," she continued. "Your plane was leaving in half an hour. What happened that made you miss it?"

Neo Plasma showed up and bombed the tarmac? Since that sounds like a pretty effective way to force someone to miss a flight.

My grip tightened on my drink almost imperceptibly. I never liked showing my emotions to others, even less so when they'd share them with even more. This interview was practically my worst nightmare.

"We actually made it to boarding. N and his companion somehow had been a part of the priority boarding and were already on board. Eliza and I were in line, just a few spots away from the desk."

I’m surprised that the boarding process wasn’t changed at all relative to normal times to focus on getting people off the ground as soon as the plane had fuel in it and the engines passed pre-flight inspection. Like when the terminal is in danger of being breached at potentially any moment, you’d think that being onboard with the cabin doors sealed would both be better from a perspective of calming the passengers and from keeping the planes from getting mobbed by hundreds of panicked people looking for any way out of Unova at that point in time.

I relaxed my grip on my drink ever so slightly. Perhaps my therapist had been right by telling me to talk about all this. Should have listened to her before I fired her.

"Then, the goddamn ceiling exploded. Chunks of concrete, steel, rebar, wood, everything that had been above us just collapsed. I felt a chill down to my bones, and I could barely feel my hands anymore."

Yes, and that would be another reason to have waited aboard the plane, though I suppose that Jason had some choice words on his Yelp review of Mistralton Airport, huh?

"Was that the arrival of the weapon?" she asked.

I nodded. "It came from the south, after visiting Castelia and burying Burgh in a casket of ice. Driftveil and Mistralton apparently surrendered right then and there, upon seeing what had happened to Castelia. We had no idea what was happening. With UNN down, the only news we could find were scattered social media posts. All our windows were facing north, so we couldn't even see that damned airship bearing down on us. It hit the airport with that damned weapon and damn-near trapped us all inside."

I take it that that’s a sign that the Plasma Frigate didn’t have ADS-B transponders. That, and there’s apparently no air force of note in Unova given that that thing could prowl the skies as it pleased without getting shot down.

She nodded, taking down notes furiously. "How did you escape?" she asked. "It seems like an impossible situation. Kind of makes you see why the public looks at you all like heroes. You did the impossible."

I snorted with a rude laugh. "Impossible?" I asked incredulously. "We were lucky, and smart, and still that wasn't enough! Look who's left of us! Just me and Benga, and Benga ain't gonna tell anyone what really happened, what we really had to do. Little cocky bastard did enough to be considered a fucking war criminal if he'd lost."

Ah yes, totally a good omen for the stuff that went down in Mistralton Airport there.

"We're getting sidetracked," she said. "How did you get out of the airport?"

I smiled, thinking back to that beautiful bastard's entrance. "Alder," I said. "And a metric fucking ton of luck."

Well yes, having some luck would help. Though I have to wonder what took “flee overland” and “flee overwater” off the table, since it was never really established that there were hazards associated with that, and you’d think that in terms of targets for attempting to lock down a region, that major transit facilities would inherently be way, way up there in terms of priority over random border checkpoints.

I groaned, lifting with all the strength I had. Demeter was at my side, helping me lift the steel girder off Liza's leg. The poor girl had been trapped under the ceiling as it fell, sheer luck sparing me from being crushed alongside her. She wriggled out, cursing and spitting in an accent that had noticeably thickened.

"Thanks," she said quietly as she dusted herself off. "What now?"

Liza’s not going to make it past this chapter, is she?

I found it odd that she so immediately trusted me, but I guess being a Champion does lend you that kind of trust in dire situations. "We gotta move, before..."

She followed my gaze, finding the reason my voice had just died in my throat. The massive airship floating above Mistralton was a monstrosity, hundreds of slits peeking open at us from the bottom of the ship. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that they were cannons of some kind. A larger weapon was slung below the ship, venting snow in massive plumes that already blanketed the ship's path.

Boy does Neo Plasma know how to make an entrance there.

The cannon groaned and shifted as the ship hovered in place. I turned to look at Eliza, fear in my eyes. "Do you have any fire types?" I asked.

She shook her head. I could see movement from the remnants of the airport terminal, but I had no time to call for more assistance. I had no way of knowing if any of those still alive were even trainers.

Wait, so how rare are trainers relative to the broader population in this setting such that Jason basically can’t take it for granted if any of the other people immediately around him in the terminal wouldn’t effectively be dead weight in a fight anyways?

I swore. Soulfire was out in a flash of light, his ghostly flames doing nothing to ward off the cold. Ghost fire did not offer heat, not for the living.

"Find us a tunnel!" I shouted, looking back at Liza. It was a ghost of a chance, a thin hope at best, but there had to be some way out. I turned back to face the ship, my courage drying up as I watched the massive cannon level itself with me. I glanced up at my chandelure, watching the flame in his central lantern rage against cruel fate.

"Overheat!"

… Wait, what is the layout of this terminal right now such that Jason’s talking about finding tunnels? Since you’d think that short of punching a hole through the floor to get to the tarmac-level floor or else digging a fresh one, that they’d be kinda limited for options there.

Soulfire erupted like a volcano. For a brief, fleeting moment, the full force of a champion level fire type ignited the morning sky.

The ship fired again, painting the sky white with ice and snow. An avalanche met the force of the sun, clashing with an eruption of steam.

I covered my face with my arm, praying that Eliza had survived the blast. Demeter was at my side, and I knew that we had precious little time. "HYPER BEAM!"

You see, the fact that you bring it up like that Jason is starting to make me doubt that she did.

Demeter opened her maw, a brilliant ball of iridescent energy swirling in the dead tree's open mouth. She spat the beam into the sky, directly at the ship that had buried us in snow. I felt the shockwave hit us and stumbled when it washed over me. I looked back up into the sky, praying that I'd just saved us all.

The steam cleared after a few moments, leaving us with a horrifying sight. The ship hung there motionless, not a scratch on the hull. I couldn't even see an impact crater on the bottom of the ship, giving me fear that Demeter had missed.

Oh, so it has Independence Day-style shielding, huh? Or at least I think that’s the idea there?

The ship's cannon began venting snow again, and I resigned myself to my fate. My pokemon were spent, Demeter barely even able to move after using a move like that. Soulfire wouldn't be able to use Overheat at that power again, not so soon after the last time. We were dead.

Jason: “Any day now would be nice, Alder!” O.O

Flames and lightning erupted from the ruined terminal. They hit some kind of invisible barrier around the ship. The bubble of energy flared and I realized that fighting would be futile. We were all so dead.

A charizard lifted off the ground, carrying a young trainer into the sky. They were trying to hit the ship from a different angle or something. The kid was brave. He was the son of a former Kantoan Champion, on vacation with some of his friends. They were the ones fighting now, taking after my example. They were the real heroes. Not one of them were over thirteen, and yet they rushed into battle regardless.

Wait, is that supposed to be Blue there?

I never saw the ship fire. I only saw the result. A couple idealistic kids dead, their pokemon gored by a hundred spears of ice. The charizard and her rider hit the ground off to my side, plowing through the frozen remnants of a plane's fuselage.

I wasn't watching anymore, I'd turned away to look for Liza. She waved me over and I ran for my life. I returned my pokemon to my ball, doing my best impression of a civilian just running for their lives. It would never have worked. I was too far away and I'd already given myself away as a trainer.

Wait, how on earth would that go through a jet fuselage instead of becoming a red smear against it? That sounds like one really durable fleshy body there.

Though I suppose that’s a hard corrective on “schoolkid becomes a hero” fantasies in this setting.

Alder and Benga chose their moment perfectly. A pair of volcarona swept over the battlefield, bathing the airship in flames that would have melted any of my pokemon on their best day. I covered my eyes as a pair of stars hit the ship's shield with all the force that the flaming bugs could muster. A firestorm erupted overhead and I no longer spared any thought for the battle overhead. My only thought was of survival.

Ah yes, cue the theme music:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ue_YWv4Dcs


Jason: “Alder, not that this isn’t deeply appreciated, but can you do this sometime when there’s not dozens of people screaming bloody murder in the background?” >_>;

I found myself in the tunnel that Liza had been waving from. N was sitting against the wall of the tunnel panting heavily. His companion was gone. I didn't bother to ask what had happened. I didn't have to.

Wait, what tunnels are these anyways? Since it wasn’t really established in the narration as to what these were in the terminal or where they were.

I set down my drink and glanced back at the clock. "It's getting late, Ms Hall. Perhaps we should continue this in the morning?"

She looked up from her notepad. "Agreed," she said. She glanced at the time and grimaced at the realization of how late it was. Or perhaps it was early at this point, I could never tell. "It seems that I should have booked a hotel room."

She’s going to wind up staying overnight here, isn’t she?

I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't surprised by that. There weren't many hotels around my remote home north of Aspertia, and the interview had only been supposed to last an hour or so. "I do have a spare room, if you wouldn't mind staying the night."

Oh, so they’re in Unova in the present day, huh? Somehow I didn’t realize that since something about Jason’s interview up to this point gave off vibes that he’d quit the region, but noted.

She nodded and closed her notebook. "I wouldn't," she said. "We can continue the rest of the interview tomorrow."

Yup, I called it.

I rose to my feet and dropped our shared plate into the sink. "Follow me, then," I said. "But stay close. I've heard that this place can be very haunted at night."

Oh, so Jason does still have his Ghostmons… maybe. I think.

She drew closer to me and I couldn't help but chuckle. The ghosts that haunted me weren't pokemon, but she didn't need to know that. She didn't need to know that I still see their faces in my dreams at night. The house wasn't any more haunted than my last house had been. I was the one who was haunted by the past, by the memories of those I couldn't save.

I might not be a hero, but maybe I can give those memories the justice they deserve. Just maybe. All it'll take is a little push in the right direction.

Oh, well, never mind then. That’s just Jason’s PTSD in action.

Part 3

>that title

Though I’m pretty sure the answer is:

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Demeter was in her usual place in the yard, feigning innocence as a normal tree. As if the misshapen hollow trunk could be anything other than haunted. There was a rustle of movement on the fence line and I watched Demeter's eyes light up.

Phantom roots tore free of the dirt, wrapping around the intruders eagerly. A pair of lillipup writhed in Demeter's grasp, howling and yelping madly as my ghost lifted them into the air. Demeter scuttled over to them and her trunk cracked open to reveal rows of jagged, razor sharp teeth.

Oh, so Jason still has Demeter around, huh? I presume Soulfire is also present as well?

A deafening bark interrupted her meal. A pair of stoutland leapt over the fence, landing between Demeter and her morsels. They growled as the lean forms of nearly a dozen herdier slunk through the underbrush to join their pack leaders.

Jason: “Demeter, seriously. This is why you’re supposed to let me handle feeding you.” >_>;
Demeter: “*Then you should stop taking your sweet time already!*” >.<

Demeter looked back at me with one baleful eye. She had the strength to tear the entire pack to pieces if she decided to do so, but she looked to me for guidance first.

I shook my head. We did not need to make enemies of the wild pokemon out here. This was their home as much as ours.

Demeter: “*Seriously, Jason?*”

Jason: “Demeter, I’ll whip something up for you. Look, just wrap this up without me having to explain why there’s a dozen dead dogs lying around my yard to the nice reporter lady!” >.<

Demeter closed her maw and slowly lowered the two pups, reluctant to let her catch go. I would have to let her hunt soon, she was getting restless.

The pack departed a moment later, one of the stoutland glancing up at the human watching from his study. The pokemon's eyes lingered on me for a long moment, and then they were gone.

"Enjoying the show?"

Jason: “... (Ms. Hall’s right behind me, isn’t she?)”

I turned. She was standing in the door, haggard and half asleep. Her hair was up in a messy bun, loose strands poking in every direction. The stoutland must have woken her. It was easy to forget that normal people slept for more than an hour or two each night.

I take it that this guy hasn’t been seeing a therapist in a while, if ever.

"Demeter is restless," I said. "She misses battling."

"Don't you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Save the questions for your interview, Miss Hall."

Narrator: “He misses battling.”

She smiled softly and I couldn't help the flutter of life that I felt in my chest. She really did look like Sherys. It almost wasn't fair.

"It's a fair question. People don't just disappear into the woods." She shrugged. "I don't know, you just got me thinking. What are you really out here for? What made you move to the middle of the damn wilderness?"

Oh, so Jason really did love Sharys in spite of that story he fed Hall, huh?

I sighed. She was insistent, so we might as well start. "Shower is down the hall from your room." I stood up, draining the rest of my coffee. "I'll get another pot brewing."

Can’t take if Jason’s more on the ‘black coffee’ or the ‘sugary slush’ end of coffee tastes. My reflexive assumption would’ve been the former, buuuuut…

We fought like madmen, like demons had possessed us. There was no option for mercy, no truly safe place we could retreat to. Each battle was simple. Kill or be killed. Win or die. There was no middle ground. If we lost just once, it was all over. With travel in and out of Unova locked down, we had no other choice but to keep fighting.

Jason: “Yeah, I should’ve taken a damn boat.”

Liza lost her delcatty, Beauty, when we hit the rail yards in Nimbasa. Elesa had been feeding us information on a new staging ground being built just outside the city. Our best chance was taking out the rail yards and lines that led to Plasma's new base.

Oh, so they’ve given up on trying to escape and are now trying to slug things out, huh? Though I kinda wonder if that ought to have been stated a bit more explicitly there.

It had been a bloodbath, with civilians caught in the crossfire on both sides. Plasma didn't care about the civilians and we couldn't afford to spare our attention for them. More than once I came across the body of someone who'd gotten too close to one of my ghosts, to say nothing of the carnage Benga's dragons caused. Not one of us was innocent that night, save for Liza herself as usual.

Wait, who on earth is still attempting to flee by rail after multiple cities have been overrun by Neo Plasma and there’s no reliable travel out of Unova at this point? .-.

Like you’d think that this would be the stage where people would be attempting to go to ground and not trying to move around precisely to avoid getting into moments like this.

We rescued a pair of trainers from the fledgling base before Alder's volcarona laid waste to the construction site. Brothers, from Undella town. They thanked us and disappeared into the night. I never saw them again.

A week later, we stopped Plasma as they raided the store that had been feeding us supplies. We weren't fast enough to save the store owner or his family though. Plasma had left them outside as bait, still bound to draw us in. That was the last time we had any willing help from the civilian population. Too many people were cowed into silence by the threat that came with aiding the resistance.

Is attempting to go innawoods ridiculously dangerous even for Champion-tier trainers in this setting or something? Since you’d think that attempting to mount an insurgency from urban areas surrounded by parties of questionable loyalty and surveillance equipment that could be on literally every lightpost that is now at least partially under Neo Plasma control would be an absolutely cursed idea.

Those opening months of the war burned through the last of my tattered morality. I fought like a Champion once more. I killed. I had no other choice. None of us did.

There was one time where I'd been knocked out by an explosion. Something hit the gas tanks of the fuel refinery we were attempting to sabotage. I was thrown like a rag doll, woke up half an hour later with the rest of the poor bastard that had been beside me plastered across my body. I still smell that damn stench every night when I think that I might sleep.

Ah yes, I see that history was written by the victors, since I can’t imagine this was popular with normies back in the day. Even if it had obvious utility in crippling NTP’s ability to fuel stuff.

Liza lost her innocence and half of her team in the first few months. Years of work raising them, and in three months Plasma took half of her progress away as if it meant nothing.

Yeah, Tate totally died at a checkpoint before the events of Part 2, I can already tell. Though I’m surprised her innocence lasted past Day 3 considering the stuff that went down at Mistralton Airport.

Alder retreated into the drink again. It was rare a moment that he did not have a bottle or a flask in his hands. His mood turned sour, much like it had done after his family's accident.

I mean, considering how just about every fight these guys have been getting into is getting someone’s Pokémon or an ally killed… yeah, not surprised that Alder wound up hitting the sauce again.

Benga was the only one who didn't lose himself. Mostly because the savage little shit lived for battle. He fought with a ferocity that surprised even Alder, if you could get him to admit it. His dragons left more bodies behind than any of ours, more than Plasma ever dared to.

Ah yes, still in high school and already up to stuff that would get people drug in before the Hague IRL. Totally a good sign for where this kid went in life as an adult.

N was changed more than any of us by the war. The compassionate hero of ideals that stole the hearts of half of Unova was a wreck of his former self. He just didn't have the same spark, that same heart that he used to. Watching your father commit genocide and being forced to commit atrocities of your own would break even the strongest person. It broke N utterly. Well, that or the deaths of half his team in the Black City rebellion did.

Oh, so I was right. Though I guess that from the passing mention that N ‘lost his companion’ that Zekrom bit it at Mistralton Airport. Even if it admittedly is a little underwhelming that that didn’t happen onscreen since you’d think that have been an ultra-shocking moment for just about everyone in Unova to know that one of their legendary dragons was just flatly dead because of NTP’s flying death ship.

She flipped open her notepad and leaned back in her seat. "The League paints the resistance as a tragic effort, doomed from the very start. In their portrayal, you barely held on until the Hero of Truth saved Unova for a second time."

Oh, so Jason isn’t the B1W1 Protagonist, then? Since if he wasn’t the Hero of Truth, then…

I couldn't help but to snort in laughter. "That's an understatement if I've ever heard one. We were hopelessly outmatched by Plasma's new weapon. Even with the two inferno bugs, we couldn't do more than scratch the paint on the fucking thing."

"So what was your plan?"

Throw sugar/sand into its fuel lines and let it destroy its engines? That’s a pretty effective means of sabotage, and why carrying that around in train stations in WWII was liable to get you pulled aside by police/soldiers, if not outright shot.

I shrugged and looked down at my coffee noncommittally. "Hit them wherever it wasn't. Oftentimes, we'd have Alder or Benga draw that damn war machine away so we could strike at a holding facility or hit whatever infrastructure they were setting up."

Again, you should’ve gummed up the Plasma Frigate's fuel lines, buddy.

"But it did work, at least for a time?"

I nodded. "We barely slowed them down, but we made a difference. We saved less than five hundred trainers. Out of tens of thousands, less than five hundred. So many cocky young kids just starting their journey, retired trainers like myself…"

My voice dropped to a whisper and I fought the urge to seize up. [ ]

"It's the things like this that still haunt me, miss Hall. The unimaginable horror that we witnessed on a daily basis. Not a day went by where the spectre of death did not hang over us all. I forget sometimes, for an hour or two. I let myself rest. Their faces always come back in my dreams."

>when your “winning” outcome is almost indistinguishable from outright losing to NTP beyond stopping their antics inside a single region

Fantastic work, there. Jason. Now I’m not wholly disinclined to believe the Unova League’s story about how you all were just doomed to be boned until Hilbert/Hilda came back with the Blue Flare Express.

She lowered her note pad and I saw the concern etched on her face. "We don't have to do this," she said softly. "We can sto-"

I slammed my fist on the table. "No, we can't! Those people deserve better than to be swept under the rug like they never existed, like they didn't lose their lives because of us!"

I slowed my breathing. I couldn't come off as unhinged in the interview. I needed people to see the hurt in me, to see the pain of knowledge that I carried.

"Sixty-two thousand trainers were registered in Unova at the time. There were less than a thousand at the end of the Second Plasma Crisis." I scowled. "I don't have to tell you the math for you to understand that."

Oh, so trainers really are rare relative to the surrounding population in your setting. Though just how big was Team Plasma relative to the surrounding population such that they effectively managed to just steamroll the resistance of an entire region and either kill off or force 98% of a region’s trainerbase into fleeing?

Unless there’s just a crazy drop-off of high-level trainers past the Gym circuit such that once they’re neutralized, the mid-level trainers are king, I suppose.

"When I was Champion, the League was already crumbling under the weight of rank corruption among our officials. I did what I could, but who listens to a kid?” I scoffed. “I couldn't make a difference then, and by the time I was old enough to be taken seriously I'd had enough of fighting the system."

I sighed heavily and met her piercing eyes. [ ]

"I failed Unova as a Champion. She deserved better than a jaded fool like me. I let the system create the monster that was Plasma. I let our country be overtaken by extremism and ran when the task was too much for me."

Another “breakup and expand” section.

Also, you epically failed at mounting an insurgency given that you managed to get your region’s trainerbase reduced to 2% of its prewar levels within the span of a year. Like most failed insurgencies don’t have casualty numbers like that.

She was quiet for a moment while she studied the notes she had made. "In your opinion, did the League react sufficiently to the first Plasma insurrection?"

I met her eyes with a sad, knowing smile.

"Not at all. They let the rank and file walk with some community service for the most part. The leaders were forced to pay a fine and pledge never to participate in politics again." I snorted at the thought. "They wanted N, and Ghetsis, but how were they planning on finding them? They'd both disappeared after the Hero saved all our asses."

I mean, in their defense, I don’t think anyone expected Team Plasma to suddenly go full Spetsnaz in aesthetic and set up a ship with a death lazor right after B1W1.

"Mr. Blake did go after them though."

I shook my head. "No, he went after N. Poor bastard was a misguided fool, but Ghetsis was the real threat. N had always just been a pawn, even if he was the figurehead on Plasma's throne." I paused for a long moment and drained the rest of my coffee. "Nobody went after Ghetsis."

That’s a pretty embarrassing fail there given that he’s literally brought into custody ranting and having a normal one during the events of B1W1, so I can share some of Jason’s frustrations here.

She frowned. "But the League-"

"Assigned a task force to hunt him down," I replied curtly. "Which was never funded and never began field operations. Almost as if someone didn't want Ghetsis found."

Someone clearly didn’t. Who, I’m not sure at all.

She frowned. "Who would have wanted that?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Like I said, the danger of not punishing insurrection leads to more insurrection. Someone at League HQ was on Ghetsis' side. Not like anyone who knows who is still alive. Why do you think Ghetsis had his flying fortress ice League HQ first?"

Well, that certainly worked out well™ for the mole. It’s at once surprising and yet considering Malva from XY… I honestly can’t say the scenario is that implausible there. It’d certainly explain a thing or two about how Plasma got away with building their big castle right under the noses of Alder and the E4 in B1W1.

"Covering his tracks," she commented. "He destroyed all the evidence of League involvement."

I nodded. "What makes you think Benga's new League is any different?"

Hall: “... Not that this isn’t a fascinating train of thought, but what on earth would the League gain from this?”

N had us a plan to end the war. It was madness, absolutely insane bullshit, but we had nothing else. There was no other play. Just the mother of all Hail Mary plays.

Phone a friend and summon Hilda/Hilbert and his/her barbecue dragon?

We were to stage a two-pronged assault on Plasma's main base, a facility that they constructed over the Great Chasm. Benga and Alder would lead the trainers we'd managed to recruit against the fortress while Eliza, N and I snuck past the outer defences and blew the generators powering its weapons.

Oh, so this is how the equivalent of the B2W2 with color Kyurem went down. Probably. Maybe. Since I could’ve sworn that the text implied that Zekky bit it at Mistralton earlier.

We had help from a few other regional Leagues, notably the Indigo and Hoenn leagues. They had their own Plasma sympathizer movements brewing and wanted to uproot the entire source. I wasn't going to complain, especially when nearly two-hundred elite level trainers appeared on our doorstep. Even had a few Elites that came in real handy.

Oh, so this level of corrupt chicanery from the Unova League is just the norm across regions in this world, huh?

Ghetsis was struggling for control by this point. He couldn't be everywhere at once and we knew it. The general population seemed to know it too. People weren't offering help anymore, but the tone of conversation grew in volume. People had seen Plasma struggle to stamp us out and it gave them hope.

Bruh, you could’ve done this more effectively at least 30,000 trainers ago if you had focused on not attempting to mount an urban-based insurgency.

We put out feelers into the civilian population for aid. I didn't expect much, but N put out the call. He denounced what Plasma had become and called on any former members to join the final fight against true evil. Plasma would catch wind of the plan, but we wanted that. We wanted them to meet us with everything they had. We would be meeting them with everything we had and more. It was only fair.

When we finally met at the ruins of Humilau City. The tropical waters had been frozen solid when Ghetsis had first gotten wind of Resistance activity. Six months later, the entire lagoon the city was built over was still on ice.

… How depopulated is Unova at this rate if NTP’s standard operating procedure to any level of Resistance activity was just to ice the entire city over it?

And if it’s been depopulated that abruptly within the course of a year, how on earth was there not more of an interregional intervention given an entire industrialized region going offline thanks to a "war of extermination"-tier conflict would potentially cause multiple social and economic crises worldwide depending on how interlinked regions are in this setting? .-.

We had the our people bunk up in the city. Nearly two-thousand trainers and armed civilians, all hardened by half a year of brutal war. To my knowledge, it was the largest force of trainers ever gathered in Unova. We were a bunch of scared kids and exhausted retirees, but we were an army.

>imagine doing this on an island with questionable access to food and water in the event of a siege

Forests and mountains, Jason. Those are the environments that you want to mount your guerilla campaign from, since you can move around in them while keeping cover easily and they’re a gigantic pain in the ass to clear out. And that’s before getting the tons of superpowered critters chilling in the background involved.

We'd gotten word that Plasma was pulling back, drawing down their numbers in the occupied cities nationwide. They must have realized what was going on. Alder and I made the call. There was no more waiting. We marched for war. Unova had been spared true war during the first Plasma Crisis. This time, she would not be so lucky.

I am starting to understand how on earth Unova had 98% of its trainerbase either killed off or forced to cut and run from the region. Since I can already imagine the aneurysm those advisors from Kanjoh and Hoenn had after hearing about some of the bases that Jason and the gang attempted to set up over the course of the year.

I leaned back in my chair. My drink was heavy in my hand. I looked down at the glass and drained it. "I've never repeated this story to another person," I started. "That day… that battle… it was the closest thing to hell on earth, except it was frozen."

I shuddered and closed my eyes. "The main thrust of the army charged the fortress, braving the fire of those frigid cannons with the help of the foreign Elites.

This is why you were supposed to focus on attempting to force the Plasma Frigate to dock for repairs/maintenance and then attempt to take it out, Jason.

I led N and Eliza ahead, using Soulfire to keep the fire off of us. We cut our way through Plasma's lines and kept going, catching them off guard with the suddenness of our attack."

"All reports of the battle itself are muddled at best. Owing to both the scarce number of survivors and the lack of transparent public documentation, we have no clue what really happened there."

She looked up from her pad. [ ]

"So tell me," she continued. "What happened? Plasma fell, but Champion Benga was uncooperative to say the least."

Yada yada, “cut up and expand”, yada yada.

Though I am starting to get a bit

at what on earth this battle plan entailed if out of two thousand trainers, there’s only a “scarce number of survivors”. Like did they charge the Plasma Frigate while it was airborne or something? .-.

I looked at my empty drink and scowled. "We were saved yet again, when we didn't deserve it. The Hero of Truth and the Hero of Ideals came to our rescue. And they paid for our victory dearly."

I rose to my feet, a stoic mask hiding my brooding mind. Just thinking about that day was bringing back the horrors, like I was reliving the events with every word.

"I am sorry, miss Hall. I seem to have run out of whiskey." The face of the young Plasma guard as Soulfire immolated him roared to the front of my mind. "If you'll excuse me," I mumbled. I turned and walked away, leaving my interviewer sitting quietly in my study.

I wandered for a few minutes, mindlessly pacing the kitchen before disappearing into my liquor cellar. Down there I could hide. Down there I was alone. Down there, the faces couldn't find me.

Jason: “I know that you’re getting into this story and all, but I need a freaking drink.”

Alright, time for the summary of things:

And how, given that in the span of two additional parts, we’ve gone from the opening salvo of “B2W2’s plot, but gone in a much grittier AU direction” to Unova being a frozen-over crater with implications that the Unova League was involved in this happening and foreshadowing that both N and the B1W1 protag aren’t walking away from things within the next 3 parts. If there’s one thing that these two parts excelled at, it was selling the sense of things rapidly spiraling out of control. Oh, and the battle choreography. In the parts where it was actually shown in blow-by-blow action, it was really well done.

As for criticisms, there’s a few smaller criticisms that I have, along with one big structural one. But let’s focus on the smaller ones first. I noticed that in the story, you have a number of paragraphs that get a bit big and blocky with multiple ideas / things going down in them. Those are ones that would likely benefit from being rendered in more but smaller paragraphs. I also felt that Part 3 was really sped-up and high level relative to the dynamic that Jason had in Parts 1 +2 as a narrator. If that’s meant to be a reflection of him consciously brushing past a ton of traumatic memories up until the point where he can’t get away with safely hitting the “fast forward” in his interview with Hall, it might make sense to play that up a bit more, since admittedly the dynamic veered a bit into “told and not shown” at times, even if I realize that some of that is likely enforced by needing to meet a T rating on FFN and avoiding going into full gorn territory.

As for that big criticism I alluded to, but I noticed in these two parts that it might make sense to spell out the “rules” of this setting a bit more explicitly and how it impacted Jason and the gang’s strategy, since at least from a vacuum, there was a lot of decision-making both in the initial choice of evacuation and overall strategy as insurgents that triggered the inner:

voice in me a bit. Since at least from an IRL bug-out and insurgency perspective, a lot of the stuff that went down in these parts is either stuff that you don’t want to do or else stuff that wouldn’t happen realistically. Like why are there not any potential alternative routes of escape that Jason considers other than going to an airport which is almost certainly going to be on Plasma’s target list since controlling it means denying potentially hostile regional governments the ability to use it for stuff like airlifts? How does Plasma manage to cull 98% of a social class that is effectively constantly armed with static numbers and a single mobile base in the span of a year? Why attempt to do a rail yard mission in Nimbasa when assuming that Jason and the Champions can melt into the boonies, they could’ve had much of its same objectives accomplished by damaging some combination of the Charizard / Marvelous Bridge to cut off rail access? The number one rule of winning as an insurgency is to be able to outmaneuver your opponent and bottle them up, chip away at their ability to move between their areas of control, and force your enemy to fight on the turf you know better than them as much as possible. And in an environment where there’s nearby forests, and potentially a desert with on and off sandstorms to use for cover from the ship with the ice lazor of doom that they’re not able to face head-on while it’s in the sky… you’d think that’d be a guerilla’s paradise versus attempting to mount urbanized resistance in an environment where there’s likely compromised surveillance equipment lying around everywhere.

I mean, granted, there could be in-setting reasons for why those strategies just don’t work. Perhaps wild Pokémon just make most chunks of the planet outside of very narrow areas effective no-go-zones such that a countryside insurgency is not feasible even for elite trainers. Maybe going to consulates/embassies was a bad idea since there were reports of Neo Plasma already raiding some and summarily killing the people they found inside. Maybe there’s already an airlift being organized in Mistralton and it represents a surer bet at getting out since there’s anecdotal accounts of Plasma Grunts already popping up at border checkpoints in some parts of Unova and the trip to Mistralton and wait for a flight is shorter by several hours. Maybe there was rampant collaborationism following the Neo Plasma takeover and trainers were getting sold out by their non-trainer neighbors left and right. Like “my setting, my rules” can help smooth a lot of those “wait, why don’t you just do [X]?” parts out, but you need to make sure to take the time to spell them out for the reader explicitly since otherwise the logic will feel like it’s missing a couple steps.

But that’s not to say that I didn’t like this piece. Quite to the contrary, I thought that it was a nice hard-hitting story that captured the perspective of a guy who’s seen and endured things that would break most people very well. I do think that some of the decision-making is a bit weird from an IRL perspective and as-such should either be tweaked, or else the “rules” of the setting that make them the logical choice in spite of them being weird per IRL standards should be brought up more clearly since The Champions is published in standalone format on a few sites and not every reader will have the benefit of context from Death of Duty’s worldbuilding as to why things play out the way they do. But even with those quibbles, I still enjoyed the ride, even if I’m a bit

at where it’s telegraphing that it’s going to go.

Hope the feedback helped @Joshthewriter . And I’ll be back for more of your tale of that time when Unova had a normal one soon.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, dropping in for the rest of The Champions, since things left off on a bit of a tense note last time, and I figured that I might as well see how things shook out before the end of RB4:

Part 4

>that title

Oh, so this is the part where Reshiram dies onscreen, isn’t it?

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

We were under fire from the moment we broke cover. A few of the Indigo Elites were drawing most of it, but Plasma had fortified the hell out of that base. There were at least half a dozen gun emplacements, all of them raining steel down onto the field. One of the foreign Elites went up on his aerodactyl, burning away the big guns as he went. It wasn't much, but it was enough at least to give us an opening.

… Wait, why on earth are these guys charging while being fired on without any mention of suppressive/cover fire of their own?

Like on one level, it looks cool. But this would explain an awful lot about how there were apparently very few survivors from this assault.

He made for the airship docked to the roof of the base, Alder and Benga going with him as more of our trainers swarmed the walls of the compound. We were taking losses, but we had a chance with the airship still docked and her cannon silent.

Oh, so they did at least have the foresight to try and attack the airship while it was docked. Though is there a reason why they’re not just doing casually raining mortars and ATGMs or the Pokémon attack equivalent thereof to try and damage the ship or its dock to the point where it can’t get airborne again?

Soulfire melted us a hole in the wall. There'd been a pair of guards on the other side. They were charred beyond recognition and I stepped over their corpses like they meant nothing. More trainers charged through behind us, an entrance finally made into the base itself.

Soulfire:

Jason: “Look, I’m sorry, some of us don’t burn souls in order to get by in life here!”

N, Liza and I moved deeper into the base, cutting our way through the mooks Neo-Plasma had hired as our forces moved into the compound. Plasma been an army of dreamers and idealists before. Now, Ghetsis had hired an army of criminals and malcontents. He still had the shadow triad on his side, but most of his troops were little more than armed thugs with a scant few mercenary trainers thrown in. We'd cut through these men our entire war, and that didn't change now.

… What on earth has Ghetsis been paying these guys with? Since from the past parts’ description of how the past year went, I’m pretty sure that Unova’s economy and industrial base have collapsed by now.

N led the way, I cut us a path and Liza covered my ass. It all made for a well oiled machine. We even cut our way through Ghetsis' precious shadow triad, leaving the foreign shinobi dead in the dirt. It seemed like we might even win… Until it arrived. Until he arrived on the field. Then we were dead, and nothing could save us but a miracle.

Kyurem:

I tightened my grip on the glass. "Alder and Benga had gone to confront Ghetsis. A mistake, perhaps the one that I think of most."

Well, Benga survived that mistake, even if Alder’s an open question right now.

She leaned over her notepad. "Why would you say that?" She asked.

"Ghetsis really really wanted Alder dead. I think the preceding Champion's continued survival was a personal insult to a guy like that. He had to put Alder down, had to crush our spirits and end the battle decisively."

Wouldn’t that risk making a martyr out of him considering his grandson has a smaller but tougher team than him? ^^;

Then again, Ghetsis has always been a few fries short of a kiddie meal when upset, so…

"You are a former Unova League Champion yourself. Was this same reaction not extended to you?"

I shook my head. "I was hardly a celebrity by the beginning of the war. Alder was our public face, Alder was the one the public believed in, who our hastily recruited army fell behind." I met her eyes again. "Why do you think Ghetsis did what he did?"

"So that is when he released the creature?"

Oh, so this is the part where Kyurem came into play, huh?

I nodded, glancing over at the fire I'd built in the small fireplace off my study. It got cold out here sometimes, especially as Unova's climate recovered from the final atrocity of Ghetsis' war.

"Kyurem should have been left at the bottom of that fucking chasm," I said. "Instead, Ghetsis found it and corrupted it. He turned a noble creature into a weapon of war." I looked back at her. "Then we got our fucking miracle."

Bruh, how is there anything left of Unova at this point? Since this sounds like a recipe for mass crop failures in the years since the Great Kyureming. .-.

Demeter shrieked in panic, pointing up at the deafening thrum of power. The airship was opening, the chamber around her ventral cannon splitting apart. The temperature plummeted, like something had sucked all the warmth straight from the world.

Oh, so this is the part where most of the attacking force bit it, huh? Since the surroundings suddenly going to sub-arctic temperatures sounds like a fantastic way to cause mass death.

I ducked back behind cover, bellowing desperately at Soulfire. My chandelure lit up like a supernova, a storm of ghostfire rising to meet our icy doom. A second firestorm joined ours, N and his darmanitan having the same idea.

It wasn't enough. It was never going to be enough. We managed to clear part of the incoming attack, but you can't truly stop something like that. Eliza was down, clutching at the frozen spear that had impaled her through the chest.

I got to my feet, taking a nervous step towards the girl who never lost hope that she'd get home. I didn't make another. I just stood there for a long moment. She was just gone, like she'd never been there at all.

Wait, so did she get caked over in ice or something? Or else is that a psychological “she’d never been there at all”? I can’t tell but it might make sense to add a couple of extra details to make it a bit more obvious.

Pain and panic erupted from the compound, Plasma and our forces all struck by Kyurem's terrible power. Ghetsis fired on his own people's positions, just to hit us. It was just cruelty at this point. This wasn't a war anymore, only death for the sake of death. At least half our forces were down, more of Neo-Plasma’s. One of the foreign Elites was dead, his pokemon's psychic barriers falling away uselessly.

Technically, this is more of a “screw you, you die along with me” moment since I presume that Ghetsis didn’t make it out of-

Ghetsis waved something forward. We saw the terrible shape of his hydreigon looming over his shoulder. We saw the body of our beloved Champion raised high over the side of the ship. Then he fell. Alder fell and there was nothing any of us could do.

Oh, well never mind then. .-.

"Alder's death has been said to have been the rallying cry that saved the allied forces." She looked up from her notepad, a look of exhaustion on her face. I'd been recounting the battle for at least an hour, poring over every detail I could recall. If I was tired, I could imagine how she felt. "Champion Benga referred to it as the turning point."

inb4 that’s Unova League BS and everyone just BSODed after that.

I scowled, shaking my head. "It was the turning point, but not because of anything we did. Alder's death broke our forces. I saw trainers just staring defeated up at the ship, pokemon waiting for Kyurem to kill the rest of us. Benga wants to act like we rallied behind him as he avenged his grandfather…"

Yeah, I called it, especially since it was very thoroughly established that the Unova League was just full of crap over the past 3 parts, so of course the heroic myth they sold to the public about their final battle would also be a lie.

She raised an eyebrow as my voice trailed off. "Did you not?"

I shook my head. "I don't know where Benga was. I thought he had gone to help Alder and the surviving foreign Elites, but there was no sign of him." I looked directly at her, letting her see the truth in my eyes. "We did not rally. We hid and cowered and let Unova's real heroes win the day."

"Who would that have been?"

Answer:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKBZXVy35Kc

"Truth and Ideals themselves," I replied. "People who were better than 'The Champions' could ever have claimed to be."

Wait, so Zekrom survived the airport attack? I did not get that impression from the implication surrounding “N’s companion”

"N and Hilbert?" She asked.

I nodded slamming back the last of my drink. "Like I said, real heroes."

Oh, well that settles who the PC in this continuity was. Was wondering if it’d be him or Hilda, but there’s our answer.

I'd only ever seen N unleash Zekrom once before. When his team had been caught out of position and outnumbered in Black City, he'd loosened a storm that had melted several city blocks to a sea of molten glass. It had won us the day and allowed our escape that day, at a heavy cost.

Yeah, no kidding. How on earth was that smoothed over in the official narrative considering how I doubt that was the only time Team Resistance caused massive collateral in their fights?

Though I see that I should’ve also teed up the Zekrom theme as well right about now.

He loosed set Zekrom now loose then, bathing the airship's open cannon cavity with living light. Another deafening roar echoed from above as living flame joined the fray. Reshiram was here, the Hero of Truth mounted astride the dragon.

In light of how every battle with the Taos seems to result in massive collateral damage in this setting, cue the appropriate battle theme:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKCuAJdvynU

Both dragons hit Kyurem, taking it down to the chasm along with a large portion of the airship. We could hear the terrible struggle, could feel the walls of the chasm aching with the stress. I'd seen the aftermath of the terrible war between gods in Hoenn the year before. I knew that we had to go, lest all of us be swallowed by the chasm.

Shouldn’t that have been a longer period of time than that since this has chronologically been a year since the Plasmanening and there’s been no reliable travel in and out of Unova since then?

I ordered our remaining forces to retreat from the base, supporting any injured that they could. I didn't discriminate between Neo-Plasma members or allied trainers and neither did they. We were one species for a brief moment, all working to stay alive.

inb4 they take too long and most of them die anyways.

Then Benga appeared, Ghetsis' corpse in tow. The chasm behind him began to collapse and we could hear the terrible sounds of battle threatening to rise from the deep again. I didn't stop to ask questions. I didn't stop to think. I should have. Maybe I could have stopped him then.

Oh, so this is where N and Hilbert bite it. And likely their dragons, too from that wording.

Miss Hall leaned forward, looking at me expectantly. "What are you implying, Mister Rykker? That Champion Benga allowed Alder to be killed?"

Jason:

I shrugged. "I'm just connecting the dots, Miss Hall. Benga didn't require medical attention, neither did any of his pokemon. How did he take down a trainer like Ghetsis without a single injury?" She didn't answer, so I continued my rant. "Just look at the testimony of the surviving Indigo Elite. He testified that Benga was conspicuously absent from the final battle. Both Alder and the Elite were both under the impression that they had Benga's support."

inb4 it turns out that Benga was the League mole all along. Which would be more than a little surprising given that he’d be like 12 at the start of these events, but…

She sat back, a disbelieving look on her face. "I don't believe that Champion Benga would have killed his own grandfather."

"I never said that he did," I replied. "Just that his own pokemon were uninjured. The foreign Elite corroborates this story, having berated our new Champion after the battle…" I trailed off, letting her mind work through the clues.

"Benga stood aside and let them battle alone, only to swoop in at the last moment to steal the glory. He ensured that he would become the next League Champion, that he and not Alder would stand as Unova's new hero."

Lovely grandkid there, really. Though I wonder if this is based off of anything about a canonical incarnation of Benga in particular, since I’d have never expected him to be so… cutthroat. .-.

She shook her head, sighing. "I just don't believe it," she said. "He may not be what the League presents him as, but Champion Benga is not suspected of causing Alder's death.

Jason: “Yes, and that’s the problem there! Look, how can you look at all of these data points and not just come to the conclusion about the obvious?!” >.<

I shrugged. "You can tell yourself that as many times as you like. I prefer to believe that he is who he is who he showed himself to be."

It was silent for a long, painful moment. She stared down at her notepad, wrinkling her nose. "Nobody's going to believe your story," she said. "It'll get buried and you'll be painted as a hermit driven crazy by the war."

Which is depressingly true to reality given that people can literally be told about things like the Panama Papers and then just shrug it off. Though the conspiracy theorist scene in this setting’s Unova must be wild given how brazen the Unova League is about trying to sell a narrative regarding what happened in the Great Plasmanening that doesn’t conform fully with reality.

"Maybe I am," I said, looking down at an empty glass. "Maybe I'm just a crazy old man who doesn't remember the most horrific events of my life. Maybe I've forgotten things that could never be forgotten." I smirked, knowing that I'd done enough. "But you're wrong that nobody's going to believe me."

She raised her eyebrow. "Who'd believe you?" She asked. "I don't even really believe you."

"Benga will," I replied. "And he'll show you the truth that I couldn't." I stood up, walking over to the large window over my yard.

"Go back to UNN. File your story. Then wait. Soon you'll all see just what kind of monster you've anointed."

More like Hall will get summarily fired from UNN for rocking the boat thanks to League-affiliated employees on the payroll and then assuming that you’re right, Benga will quietly call in a hit on her and Hall will mysteriously die in a house fire in like a month.

Since hey, assassinations aside, that’s been the state of affairs of corporate journalism for forever.

Part 5

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Alright, and let’s see what note this is going to wind up ending on-

I sat back in front of the television, tall glass of whisky in my hand. Soulfire was above the kitchen table, glowing faintly and casting the entire room in pale, cold light. The UNN special was set to begin, and I knew we would be receiving visitors before it was over.

Oh, so Jason’s going to get murdered for this, huh? Though I’m surprised that Hall’s story actually got picked up instead of getting smothered by her boss.

I kicked back, my recliner's stool flipping out as I leaned back. The screen went dark, ominous music kicking in. I lifted my remote, flipping on the surround sound and cranking the volume.

'Two years ago, they saved the region from true tyranny. They stopped Ghetsis, stopped the second Plasma Crisis, but so much of their war is shrouded in mystery. So much has been a secret, until now. Join us tonight as we unravel the story behind The Champions.'

I smirked. This was gonna be good.

Can’t tell whether or not Jason’s going to get his wish about the truth getting out, or if this is going to be a bitter wet fart where some sanitized version of events gets peddled as a final knife twist.

'Miss Eliza Mayweather was the simplest of the team.'

Liza's face flashed up on the screen. It morphed, shifting to highlights of her Hoenn League Gym matches.

Oh, so that’s Liza’s “full” name in this setting, huh? Noted, then. Though it makes me wonder if “Tate” was also a clipping.

'She was a young girl, joining Unova's League after a disappointing loss in her home region of Hoenn.'

I appeared on the screen, sitting in my study with a drink. My expression was cold and frozen.

"Eliza Mayweather was perhaps the greatest hero out of the six. She was trapped in a foreign country, with enemies at every turn. Through it all, she held onto hope that she would see her home again…" my voice trailed off and I saw the pain and hurt on my face. "Hope that I tried to give her."

Whelp, time to find out whether or not the interview’s been edited beyond recognition or not.

Miss Hall leaned forward. "What happened, Mr. Rykker?"

I hung my head and all of Unova got to see the pain. "She died."

The screen cut back to Eliza, back to a picture of her smiling with her sylveon. She looked so young.

A Sylveon, huh? Would’ve pegged her as more of a Sylveon because Psychic Gym Leader, though I suppose she would’ve been open to trying out new things on a journey in a new region.

'Miss Mayweather joined The Champions right at the beginning, when a chance encounter at Mistralton International Airport brought her into contact with former League Champion Jason Rykker…

I actually wonder if Jason kept any keepsakes from his old buddies back in the war days. If so, it might’ve been a nice little touch to have him look at them or something while UNN does its thing in the background since from his perspective, he’s finally getting them justice and closure.

Elesa's perky smile appeared on the screen. Her hair was up in some weird style that involved hoops and her stunning dress cut a lithe figure.

I cracked a grin. "Always the show off," I said. "Could never resist it, could you?"

So wait, what did happen to Tate anyways? Did he die on Day 1? Or did he just never leave Hoenn in this continuity? .-.

Though wait, Elesa is still alive right now? I didn’t get that impression from prior parts of this story.

"He was always a bit grim, but the war really took a toll on him. Jason was always more at home with his ghosts. After Opelucid was hit, after Sherys' death… I think he lost himself a bit. He let the ghosts take control… it was scary."

"You didn't see Jason Rykker until the battle at the Nimbasa railyards, correct?"

Elesa nodded. "I'd released my pokemon and stayed in Nimbasa, escaping Neo-Plasma's retribution. I was feeding them supplies and intel and… they came at night. Jason was haggard and gaunt, his eyes seemed to be just empty. It was like he was hardly even a person anymore, just a shade of who he used to be…"

Oh, so that’s the story behind the Part 1 title, I see. And Jason really did love Sharys in spite of the spiel he fed Hall in order to get his foot in the door with her.

Elesa had a far-off look in her eye, a sad frown etched on her face. "The sky was burning and I could see the shape of the two volcarona dancing through the smoke. He was covered in blood, none of it his…" She trailed off and looked away from the camera. "He told me that he missed his house, he missed his wife… I just wanted to tell him it was all going to be ok, but I couldn't."

The interviewer leaned into frame, holding a tissue out to her. "What would you tell him now, if he were listening?"

She looked back up at the camera. "That he should really call me back," she said, attempting a weak grin.

These two haven’t talked in a looooong time, have they?

I held back a chuckle and drained the rest of my drink. I got to my feet, content to ignore the rest of my profile. It didn't matter. Nothing did until the end of my interview aired.

I walked into the kitchen, flipping my X-transceiver open and dialling Elesa. It rang twice.

"That was quick," Elesa's remarked. "You really missed me, eh?"

Jason’s going to blurt out what he knows about Benga on live television, isn’t he?

I grunted in response.

She shifted and I could hear voices in the background. "I'm surprised you actually went through with the interview," she said. "Surprised they could even find you."

… Dunno if that’s from the studio or from Jason’s house right now. But either way, it’s ominous and doesn’t bode well. .-.

I opened my mouth, looking for words. I didn't even remember seeing her that night, didn't remember half of anything after I'd woken up covered in someone else's blood. "I miss her," I said, settling on something I knew.

"I know," she replied. "You can say that it wasn't love all you want, Jason. I know you, I know the truth."

Elesa: “Since yeah, it was totally love.”

I looked up at my chandelure, fighting back the tears. "It wasn't real," I said. "But I miss her all the same."

"It was real," she said. "Sherys was my friend. Maybe it didn't start out as real, but it grew into something to be proud of."

Reminder to keep it consistent between “Sharys” and “Sherys” there.

The mention of her name broke my façade. I bit back a sob, but the tears were freely falling. "I miss everything about her, the laughing, the smiling… even the terrible burnt grilled cheese…"

There was a long pause. "You want me to fly out?" She asked. "I can probably be in Aspertia by tomorrow night."

"No," I replied forcefully. "There won't be a point, darling."

Oh, so Jason really is going to get murdered over the story he gave to Hall regardless of whether or not it hits the air, huh?

She paused again. "Jason… what do you mean by that?"

I lowered the phone. "Just keep watching," I said. "I couldn't just let it sit. I couldn't just let him get away with it…"

"Jason, what did you-"

Oh, so UNN is actually going to go through with it and grenade the Unova League, huh?

I ended the call and lifted the bottle of whiskey. My nerves were flaring up and they needed to be calmed. I turned back to my living room, taking the bottle with me. I wasn't going to need the glass.

Yeah, Jason’s just giving off tons of “man who knows he’s about to die” vibes right about now .-.

"He was a dreamer," I said with a cryptic frown. "He still saw the world in the same light, still saw the injustice in the League's system. He was still just as ready to fight for a better world." I shrugged, not knowing exactly how to articulate myself. "At least this time he was on our side."

"That's all great, but I was looking for a more personal take." She put down her notepad and her head cocked to the side. "Something real, personal to you."

Given how Jason’s been reacting in live time, I have to wonder just how badly Hall is going to get off from this.

I looked up at her and the camera perfectly framed the conflict worn clear on my face. "I hated him for what he was. He was a living symbol of the League's failings. His very existence sparked questions about the League's system, just because he dared to ask if things could be different."

The screen cut to N, his green hair blowing in the wind. A raging fire was literally behind him, framing him in destructive light.

… How on earth did they get that stock footage of him anyways? Since that’s quite the scene there. ^^;

"He was dangerous," Benga said, his grinning face appearing on the screen. "And after everything he did, could we really trust him?" Benga shrugged. "I know I definitely didn't-"

I reached up, muting my entertainment centre while Benga droned on about N's incompetence. I tipped back my bottle and drained the rest of the whisky.

This kid really did set his grandpa up to die so that way he could take control of the League, huh?

The narrator shifted towards introducing Benga as I got to my feet. I needed another drink and now was as good a time as any. I didn't need to know any more about that little monster. I knew enough.

Benga was the mole in the Unova League in this continuity, wasn’t he?

I flipped open my X-Transceiver with my free hand as I grabbed a second bottle out of the cupboard, tapping out a short message to our dear champion.

'Hope you're watching.'

Boy is this guy placing a lot of hope in UNN not chickening out of challenging the power structure of the local region. Not that this isn’t making for a climatic moment, but it does feel a little jarringly optimistic given the overall tone of this short story when I half expected things to go: “Jason sees the interview, it turns out to be a heavily-edited puff piece that crushes Jason’s hopes, and then an assassin comes in to silence Jason for daring to try and speak out”.

"But despite Champion Benga Adeku's continued insistence, rumours of war crimes committed on both sides of the conflict persist."

The screen cut back to me, sitting morose in my study. My gaze didn't meet the camera and I spoke slowly, searching for the right words. "He just enjoyed it a little too much," I said. "The war was his crucible, his bloody evolution."

Cue Jason’s X-Transciever lighting up like a Christmas tree in live-time.

"I know that I lost control. I know that people are dead because of me, no matter how much restraint I showed." I shook my head. "But Benga? Restraint was reserved for none."

"What are you saying, mister Rykker?"

I scowled. "That we're all monsters, miss Hall. And Benga's just the monster at the top of the food chain."

Cue the theme song:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-V8htEtAYI

My phone buzzed angrily. I flipped it open, smirking at the furious reply.

'YOU ARE DEAD.'

The only question is will it be by Benga and his dragons’ hands/claws or a hitman’s. But yeah, I kinda figured that this was where things were going.

I grinned. I was already dead inside. It was time I dragged the real monster down with me. It wouldn't be long now. All I had to do was wait.

Bold of you to assume that Benga doesn’t have some sort of contingency in place to weasel out of this given how the power elites of our world seem to have a knack for that sort of thing in reality.

It was near the end of the program. They'd been covering the final battle, dancing around what I'd accused Benga of. I was still waiting, still watching for the last little bit of weight that would tip the scales away from that monster.

Wait, if they’re already not flatly repeating Jason’s accusations on-air, how is Jason so convinced they’ll for sure get the point across on the program?

I was back on the screen, righteous anger on my face as I directed the trainers out of Plasma's crumbling base. "Alder was the one we believed in, the one we fell behind."

The scene cut to a grainy photo of Alder being thrown from the ship by Ghetsis' hydreigon. "Alder and Benga had gone to confront Ghetsis…"

The screen cut again, back to the two newscasters sitting at the desk. "Indigo League representatives have made Elite Lance Wataru aware of the following testimony. While the Elite refused to be interviewed, he did corroborate the following interview."

Huh, there were a lot of familiar faces present for the final showdown involving the Taos. I kinda wonder if that ought to have been more explicitly stated or played up more on Jason’s part, since it’d have been fascinating to see whether he saw them as “same old, same old” as Unova’s League, or as something better than the local establishment.

We were back in my study. My face was gaunt , I'd been speaking for the better part of the day. I was tired. I was exhausted from the years of carrying the war in my head.

Miss Hall leaned forward, looking at me expectantly. "What are you implying, Mister Rykker? That Champion Benga allowed Alder to be killed?"

I shrugged. "I'm just connecting the dots, Miss Hall. Benga didn't require medical attention, neither did any of his pokemon. How did he take down a trainer like Ghetsis without a single injury?" She didn't answer, so I continued my rant. "Just look at the testimony of the surviving Indigo Elite. He testified that Benga was conspicuously absent from the final battle. Both Alder and the Elite were both under the impression that they had Benga's support."

Cue the stream of angrish texts coming through the X-Transciever right now, especially if Benga would be sending messages insisting how Jason’s torched his life for nothing and that this is ultimately going to just get buried after he’s through with him.

She sat back, a disbelieving look on her face. "I don't believe that Champion Benga would have killed his own grandfather."

"I never said that he did," I replied. "Just that his own pokemon were uninjured. The foreign Elite corroborates this story, having berated our new Champion after the battle…" I trailed off, letting her mind work through the clues.

"Benga stood aside and let them battle alone, only to swoop in at the last moment to steal the glory. He ensured that he would become the next League Champion, that he and not Alder would stand as Unova's new hero."

She shook her head, sighing. "I just don't believe it," she said. "He may not be what the League presents him as, but Champion Benga is not suspected of causing Alder's death.

While I get the point of depicting this “playing on TV”, I kinda wonder if there ought to have been some differences done in terms of not doing a flat carbon copy. e.x. stuff like showing Jason looking around at his surroundings / whiskey bottle or seeing messages come in on the X-Transciever, especially if others in the Unova League are worried for him right now. Since it does feel like a bit of a missed opportunity to “add” something here.

I shrugged. "You can tell yourself that as many times as you like. I prefer to believe that he is who he is who he showed himself to be."

My study faded and we slowly cut back to the UNN news desk. The blonde woman on the left straightened the stack of papers in front of her as the man nervously cleared his throat.

"There you have it," he started. "The truth laid-"

An explosion of violent light interrupted his words. The feed died in a scream of pain and static. I lifted my remote, flipping over to one of Unova's other news channels.

Well now. You’d think that it’d have been more effective to place a phone call and threaten to sue UNN into the ground for defamation if they didn’t pull the program 5 minutes ago, though I guess Benga really is just going full mask-off right now.

"We are getting unconfirmed reports of an explosion at UNN headquarters in Castelia City."

The man put a finger to his ear, looking off camera. "We've got some footage apparently, posted online from a trainer flying into Castelia."

The screen cut to a shaky view of the fireball, engulfing several floors worth of Castelia skyline. The building groaned and bent as the supports on one side of the building gave way to the flames.

Benga really just went out there in public and offed like a hundred people in broad daylight instead of trying to keep things civil, huh?

Though how is Jason not having more of a reaction to this right now given that in all likelihood, Hall has just died on live television? Unless if Jason’s meant to be the sort of character who’s not above cynically using other people as means to an end, he presumably didn’t think that Benga would come and literally burn UNN to the ground in broad daylight.

Since if Jason expected something like this would happen and just gave Hall zero warning about it beyond “Benga will show you who he really is” after she ran her story or even a suggestion to launder the more explosive parts of it through “totally not Wikileaks” and not run it directly even if it meant passing up on career advancement so that the story’s origin couldn’t be pinned on her outlet, that says a few things about him as a character. And not particularly flattering ones.

Then it emerged. Wreathed in flame and burning with furious light, the volcarona tore itself free of the building. It twisted away, the upper floors smashing into the building beside it. Glass and debris showered down from the collapsing buildings, no doubt raining death on the busy streets below.

Wait, how are buildings in this setting not deliberately built in mind to resist Pokémon attacks like these anyways? Since if this is what Benga’s Volcarona can do on its own, how is there anything left of Unova’s cities right now in the wake of that civil war where this would’ve just happened over, and over, and over again in various bouts of urban warfare.

My phone buzzed and I looked down. I knew who it would be from before I even read it.

'You're next.'

Jason: “Do you really think your dumb ass can really sweep your Volcarona taking out the corporate headquarters of a news channel on live TV under the rug?”
Benga:

Jason: “You always were a hotheaded kid who didn’t think things through, you know that?”

I was waiting on my porch, half-drank bottle of whiskey in my hand. Soulfire was hanging from the roof of the veranda, Demeter waiting in the garden. I'd even dragged Malvus, my old cofragius, out of the basement. We had a champion to greet.

Whelp, I see that Benga really does have his ‘hotheaded idiot teenager’ thought process calling the shots here. Since whatever hopes he had of stuffing the genie back into the bottle are beyond dead now.

My phone rang again, the same number that had been calling since the attack on UNN. I ignored it. Whoever it was, it didn't matter anymore. I'd be dead before the night was out. I'd be free to see Sherys and Liza, free to be with those I'd loved and lost.

It’s Elesa, isn’t it?

It rang again, this time Elesa's ringtone. I let it ring once, then answered with a grunt.

"He's coming for you," she said. "And he's gonna kill you."

Elesa: “Seriously, Jason. What the hell were you thinking?!”

Jason: “That it was time for people to see the truth. And to decide for themselves what to do with it.”

"I know," I said with a shrug. I couldn't help the peace that the idea brought me. "It was worth it. Everyone sees him for what he is now."

She sighed in frustration. "I've got an Indigo League Elite here, breathing down my neck. They're intervening, pulling anyone they can before Benga really starts purging Unova's ranks." She paused for a moment. "The Champion is on his way to you, just a few minutes out."

Wait, just how fast do Benga’s Pokémon move anyways? Like even if he’s riding his Garchomp, you’d think that there’d be a safe limit as to how fast he could go speed-wise.

I sighed as the incandescent form of a volcano bug appeared over the darkening horizon. "He is already here," I said. "I'm sorry, Elesa. I had to expose him for what he did… it was the only way."

Elesa: “Jason, don’t hang up on me right now-!”

I lowered the phone. She was still yelling through the phone, but I lost the words. I looked up at Soulfire. "Be ready. We'll only get the one chance."

Which is promptly going to get whiffed. I can already tell.

My chandelure nodded at me and I turned my attention to the approaching fire.

He swept across the wilderness north of Aspertia, his volcarona trailing a plume of flame. The forest beneath them burned, a wide path laying charred and smoking behind him. I'd worried about sharing the forest with the pokemon who inhabited it. I no longer had that worry.

This kid does realize that all of this is going on social media in live-time, right? Like I’d admittedly have expected Benga to have played things cooler than this given that he basically arranged for the deaths of his grandfather, and both the Heroes of Truth and Ideals to put himself on the glide path for power in Unova.

… Unless if that was the point of Lance corroborating Jason’s version of events. Though that makes me wonder what his game is in all of this, since you don’t just blow up the leadership of another region in a fashion that will potentially risk a third Plasma resurgence unless if you’ve got an ulterior motive of your own.

He hung in the air as he approached, looking down on me. The malevolent glow of his volcano bug cast sadistic shadows across his face.

"I heard what you had to say," he half-shouted down to me. "I wasn't a fan."

Jason: “As I believe you said to me over the X-Transciever earlier…

”

"All of Unova saw you for who you are today. Not just me."

- Jason cocks an eye at the burning forest in the background -
Jason: “Not that you really made an effort to hide things after the program. Great work there, kid.”

He descended, slipping off his pokemon's back as he fluttered to the ground. "They'll see what I-"

We sprung the trap. Demeter was there, her haunted stump springing to life. A dozen spectral vines wrapped around the volcarona's wings as Malvus' sarcophagus swung open. Wrapping sprung from the ancient casket as infernal chanting grew louder.

Oh, so Jason has a Cofagrigus, huh? I kinda wonder if s/he should’ve been depicted or at least mentioned in earlier parts of the story, since this is admittedly coming a bit out of left field right now while you’d think that s/he’d have seen a decent amount of action back in the day.

Benga swivelled about, turning to face me as Soulfire dropped down beside me. He reached for his belt as I gave my order.

Soulfire erupted like a sun, bringing day back to the smouldering forest. Benga disappeared under the fire and I stepped back and flung an arm up to shield my face.

inb4 Benga tanked it through Volcarona using Protect or something like that.

I felt the earth rumble beneath me and knew that I had failed.

Oh, so there’s his Garchomp. Ah yes, I was starting to wonder.

The very ground underneath my home opened. I felt it tip backwards and leapt from the porch as the earth swallowed my house whole.

What on earth did Benga’s landshark do there?

Soulfire's angle of fire was cut off and the stream of flame died as well. He levitated from the pit that had swallowed my home, but it was too late. Benga stood unharmed, a dragonite and a garchomp towering over us both.

Benga: “You really thought you were going to win this one, didn’t you?”

"Well?" he asked. "Was that all?"

Demeter was shrieking, fleeing as the volcarona laid waste to her garden. Malvus was gone, back into his casket. I'd never see him again, not unless I got my miracle. Only Soulfire was still here, hovering over my shoulder.

Narrator: “Jason will not get his miracle.”

"It was," I said. "You'll never win now. Unova knows what you did."

Jason: “Kid, you blew up an office tower on live television with your moth! It’s already going viral on the internet! Do you really think that everyone’s just going to forget that?!” >.<

"They know nothing," he hissed. "They will know what I-"

"You showed them exactly what they needed to know. You are no Champion. You are nothing like what he was."

Jason: “For one, your grandfather wouldn’t have been this goddamn stupid about dealing with bad news getting thrown into his lap!”

Benga:

He scowled, his face contorting in anger. "I told you I'd kill you," he said slowly. "I told you what that little act of insolence would get you. You did it anyways." He glanced back at his dragons. "Kill this-"

Oh, someone attempts to intervene here, huh?

A bolt of psychic light ripped over the treetops, driving Benga's garchomp into the earth. The dragonite bellowed and turned, but a fist wreathed in godly power pummelled the dragon into submission. The volcarona shrieked as fire surrounded it, but a flick of Mewtwo's wrist quenched the fire with a cold gust of psychic wind.

Waaaaaait, whaaaaat?

A true Champion hovered over the treetops, Mewtwo's power holding the young man aloft. He floated down to the ground, his hand over the belt of balls on his waist. "It's over, Benga."

[ ]


Benga turned, scowling at the Indigo Champion. "Red," he said. "You've given Mewtwo some upgrades, it seems."

IMO, you should’ve described Red’s appearance a bit more since this is really sudden right now by virtue of it not being telegraphed at all that Red was present in Unova right now beyond that passing mention of there being Indigo League members present in that line of Elesa’s telephone call.

If you do opt to go back and touch this story up, I would strongly suggest adding a couple more hints that Red is present in the general vicinity of Aspertia in earlier parts through something like a gossip show on TV or throwaway chatter or something such that this twist comes off as a bit less jarring.

Mewtwo flexed an arm built with powerful muscle. It was more monstrous than Rykker remembered the news reports from Indigo, like it had been hitting the gym relentlessly.

Oh, so it’s in Mega2-X mode right now, huh?

"Surrender now, and I'll allow you to live." Red clenched his fist, preparing for a real fight. "Or fight, and I let Mewtwo do what he was created for."

Benga looked cautiously between Red and Rykker. "You would risk open war? For him?"

Red:

Red nodded. "Would war really be what you wanted?" He asked. "Your region lies in ruin, partly by your hand. Think about your people! Think about-"

Benga shot forward, howling an order in a vain attempt to surprise Red. Mewtwo raised an arm and Benga sailed off over the forest. His screams echoed for a short moment, before the dragons launched themselves from the earth after their master.

I take it that you weren’t a huge fan of Benga from B2W2 since boy was he dispatched unceremoniously there.

Red looked over at the former Champion, walking across the ruined garden. "We should go," he said. "He'll be back."

"You should have killed him," I said. "He'll use this to draw up more support."

I’m a little surprised that Jason is taking this line here since the way he was presenting things to Benga is such that he was convinced that Benga was just boxed into a corner and couldn’t do anything, and there wasn’t anything in the way of internal doubts or wavering to really indicate otherwise especially since this kid blew up the top of an office tower and set a forest on fire in the world’s least subtle fashion imaginable.

The young man shot me a pained look. "I will not cause any more death," he said. "Benga has caused enough pain. It would not do to leave him as a martyr."

He dropped his hand to his belt, releasing a large pidgeot that cawed to the sky. "We must hurry," he said. "We should get back to Kanto before he can launch a counterattack."

"We?" I asked.

Red: “What, you’re just going to stay here and wait to die?”

Red shot me an impatient glare. "Indigo has no desire to watch Unova burn, not when she could stand strong…" he trailed off and I sensed that there was more. "We need to stand together, not tear each other down."

I sighed. "Well you've bought yourself a war," I said. "Benga won't take this lying down."

Wait, with what army when it’s established in this story that there’s literally less than a thousand active trainers in Unova right now? To say nothing about the absolute state of the region when the cities are still likely heavily damaged from the war and the climate is still unusually cold as an aftereffect of the Kyureming.

Like I can buy Benga attempting to put out hits on Red or something assuming he (somehow) manages to get things to simmer down, but I didn’t get the vibe that Unova was in any state to wage a war with an outside region from the way it was described in earlier chapters.

Red: “I’m sorry, weren’t you the one going on about how this was ‘over’ right now to Benga and rubbing it in his face?”

Jason: “In my defense, I’d made my way through most of a bottle of whiskey and kinda forgotten how ‘gullible sheep’-tier a decent swath of non-trainers are.” ^^;

He shrugged. "If it comes down to it, he'll lose." He mounted his pidgeot and reached down toward me. "It's time to go," he said as the deafening roar of a pair of dragons echoed over the forest. "Before he comes back."

I looked around at the ruins. I'd built the house as an escape from civilization. Now it was nothing but a monument to Unova's pain. I returned my pokemon to their balls and took his hand.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked as I swung myself onto the bird's back behind him. "Why do you care?"

Kanto’s burning itself right at around this time itself, isn’t it? Since it does feel a bit weird for Red to suddenly take an interest in the political affairs of another region that he’s likely been personally aware of for some time now of all times.

Red turned his head and smiled at me. "Because something bigger than all of this is coming. And just maybe we'll need Unova to have a proper Champion before all is said and done."

>implying that Unova is in a position to render any help right about now even if Benga was swiftly booted from his present job

He dug his heels in and his pidgeot threw itself into the air. My gaze lingered on the sinkhole as we ascended into the sky. "Maybe," I said. "Maybe."

Jason: “Though you’ve gotta tell me how you manage to nail your timing like this.” .-.
Red: “Meh, seeing half a forest go up in smoke outside my hotel window helps give an idea of where to go.”

Epilogue

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Indigo Plateau, Kan-Jo Citizen's Congress, Six Months Later​

… Actually, wait. When is this set relative to Death of Duty anyways? Concurrently? Or sometime in its backstory? It’s a bit unclear to me.

I stood proudly, puffing my chest out. Benga could bluster and threaten all he wanted, but Indigo had my back.

Also, running a depopulated husk of a region where you’re likely still having to run political purges helps for limiting your ability to really do anything. ^^;

"Introducing, hailing from Unova, Jason Rykker!"

The Congress erupted in cheers, lawmakers and press cheering on Red's pronouncement. I stepped forward, a cheesy grin plastered on my face. I'd forgotten what actual applause was like. I raised a fist, joining Red at the podium.

"Jason Rykker will be taking the place of our fallen Elite, William Itzuki." He turned and took my hand, raising it in his own. "Give a warm welcome to Elite Jason Rykker!"

Actually, wait, what is an Elite in this setting? Is it a trainer that is the equivalent of someone with 4-5 stars on their Trainer Card but a specifically recognized class or something?

I waved, taking my place at the podium as Red stepped back. Perhaps they had intended for me to take Benga's place as Unova's Champion once more. I didn't want that, not anymore. Indigo had taken me in. Indigo had welcomed me with open arms. I didn't need to go home. I was already there.

Oh yeah, I’m sure that Elesa’s going to love hearing about this.

Well that was definitely an explosive ride there. I have some bones to pick with some things, especially from Part 5, but on the whole, it built off nicely from the earlier parts of the story and boy were those some skeletons in the Unova League’s closet there. If there was one thing that the second half of The Champions nailed, it was the overall sense of tension and things spiraling out of control, since the narrative kept me pretty gripped the whole way through.

That said, I do think there were a couple issues that drug this part of the story down. First and foremost is that the lack of description admittedly makes it hard to get a read for the intended vibe or motivation at certain moments. Like one standout example is the way Jason isn’t described reacting at all to UNN getting torched, while that kinda feels like something that he logically ought to given that the other major character from the present day likely got incinerated on live television somewhere else in the UNN building? Like is he just unflinching since he knew from the start that Benga would do something like this and deliberately withheld it from Hall so that she’d run the program? Is he shocked since he didn’t expect that Benga would murder dozens of people in a fit of pique in broad daylight? Like if you want the audience to come to a hard conclusion about the sort of person that Jason is, it feels like something that you want to come down hard on there one way or another, since Jason reads very different as a character depending on what a reader fills those unsaid gaps with on their own, which can wind up in Jason taking on very different lights than intended. It’s those little details that eliminates ambiguities in writing, and adds to the feeling of “stuff happening”, which would’ve helped a lot for some of the broadcast sequences that were otherwise verbatim copies of earlier parts of the story.

Also Part 5 in general has a number of issues that all come together in one place. To start with, the pacing feels really, really accelerated, with stuff that was introduced there that weirdly wasn’t built up towards at all in earlier parts of the story such as Jason having a Cofagrigus or Red being anywhere in Unova right then and there, let alone around Aspertia. Establishing or at least hinting at both of those being things in earlier parts to this story would’ve gone a long way to dispel the “wait, what?”-ness of those moments. I also kinda had my suspension of disbelief break a moment at the way that Benga is able to casually murder dozens of people in a crowded city with one of his signature Pokémon, get it caught on public footage, and still be in a position to mount a successful “yeah, that story by Jason was just BS” damage control campaign afterwards. It both felt very sloppy relative to how calculating he was established to be in Part 4 and he wasn’t really established as being the type to make mistakes when mad in Jason’s story that he gave to Hall. I mean, if he is, fair enough, though even so, I’d have expected him to roll in a fashion with a bit more plausible deniability given that there’s literally less than a thousand trainers left in Unova and a big and flashy attack from a rare Pokémon will not have a lot of alternative suspects to blend in with. Like assuming Benga has a Latias like his W2 game counterpart, if he wanted to exact punishment on UNN without making it obvious that it was him and racking up a triple-digit body count of bystanders, he could’ve dispatched Latias while she did her active camo thing, punched a hole through a window with an appropriate breaching attack, murdered the newsroom out of existence with Draco Meteor and then sped off. The overall attack profile would effectively be the same as a 2-mon team between a Zoroark and a strong flier using Illusion that would provide a built-in alibi for if Latias slipped up and briefly got spotted as a red-and-white blur on camera.

But altogether, even if I didn’t think the climax fully stuck the landing, I thought that it was a fun story @Joshthewriter . And it makes me curious as to whether these events tie into the plot of Death of Duty. Guess that’s a sign that I should take a gander and find out a bit later this year, huh?

 

[Sinderella]

Hey Josh! Quick drunken review of the champions part 2! Moving a little slow but onward nonetheless and I'll try to keep this coherent as possible lmao.

LOOOTTSSSSS of tension in the air here. I absolutely love scenes like this in the middle of an apparent disaster happening, just people trying to get the fuck out and avoid all the bullshit. I of course was waiting for something really bad to happen, but was holding my breath through it all, waiting to see who Rykker was going to run into, who else he was going to meet, etc. etc. etc.

I was very shocked he saw N just casually chilling there and smirking at him. I guess this is after the initial Plasma attack so I guess he's no longer technically with Plasma and just acting on his own. I assume his "companion" is/was Hilda? If so that's......really sad that she died, lmfao. Either WAY its sad his companion apparently died, nobody is fucking safe here I guess. I was honestly worried Alder had fucking died already, you're just pulling the plug on ALL these heaux aren't you? And I imagine it's only going to keep getting worse given when Rykker says in the actual interview, fucking yikes.

Don't know anything about a canon Eliza character (honestly thought you were talking about ELESA at first lmao) so I'm guessing she's an OC? Already feel really fucking bad that she ends up dying and I don't even know her. Just there to do a League circuit and ends up dying to a terrorist attack? Fucking christ.

Overall I still think you're doing REMARKABLY well at giving the sense of how wrong/bad everything is. How these young 13yo's are going into fight and getting zeroed, how people are running away and hiding in the ruined terminal, just the overall sense of.....war. It really comes through and it's awesome. Well, not awesome, but awesome.

My one gripe is that the beginning of this chapter started a little odd, as we go right into the flashback but it seems like he's just THINKING about it in the present day, as there's no division between him reliving it and talking to the reporter. Maybe a break would help there.

But, that's all I got. Probably the last review i get out before Blitz, but I WILL finish off the end of our exchange. I'm TOO invested in this!!!

 

[ShiniGojira]

Hi there, hope you're having a fantastic day! Here is the review as promised!

Brief Summary:

So chapter 7 starts off with Marcus looking for a new member of his team. He's tried searching for clues of mysterious lady but winds up finding nothing so instead he shifts his focus towards the gym.

He finds a Marawok den and succeeds, finding a Marawok and asking for permission to train one of her yoynglings. She gives him a test and he succeeds, bagging a new mon that quickly evolves a few hours later.

He meets Blue and the two spend the night together and in the morning, they see a giant cloud of smoke and ran off to see what it was.

Turns out, the smoke came from a destroyed helicopter, piloted by a TR member and the two fought off the grunt but not without receiving some casualties.

Chapter 8 continues off a few moments after the end of 7 and we see the two arrive at Lavender Town where Blue goes to Bury and mourn his Raticate.

Marcus and Blue have a heart-to-heart talk and they leave off with a reminder to stay strong.

As Marcus heads off to Vermillion City, he gets stopped by a masked man, Vicious and the woman. They give him a ride but not before threatening him to win or his baby is gone.

He arrives, tired, scared and stressed. Lt. Surge notices and brings him to his office where Marcus lets everything out. Surge promises to help and the two go off to begin their battle.

The battle between Surge and Marcus begins in chapter 9 and it was an intense match but Marcus eventually wins.

However, it only gives him a moment of relief and peace before he hears that he's already booked for his 4th gym battle.

Knowing that time was ticking, Marcus does the most sensible thing that one should do with such a time limit.

Drink till he drops.

But thankfully, the bartender (who I'm still expecting to back stab him) calms him down and has a small chat with him and allows him to let out some of the things he's been holding for years.

The scene then changes to two mysterious men talking about Marcus.

Chapter 10 has Marcus travelling off-road again towards Celadon City but thankfully, unlike last time he didn't encounter a herd of ridiculously scary Pokémon. Instead he'd only had his arm dislocated thanks to a hungry Heracross who was promptly defeated and caught.

In chapter 11, Marcus goes on a shopping spree and gets a well deserved meal. On his way to the Pokécentre, he meets Domino and Archer.

Archer invites him for dinner to which Marcus reluctantly accepts. They talk and Archer tries to recruit Marcus but Marcus declines and leaves.

The next few days, Marcus attempts to bond and recruit his new Heracross and succeeds with honey.

On chapter 12, Marcus faces off against Erika and the crowd is going wild.

He sends out Pride and Erika responds with her Vileplume. Pride ultimately fails and falls asleep and Marcus has to switch out to Vector.

The fight between Vector and Gun appeared to be one-sided until Marcus realizes that it was because Vector wasn't obeying orders. He brings him to his side and knocks some sense into him and they finally worked together, beating up her Vileplume, Ivysaur and Victreebel.

Her final mon comes out, a Tangrowth. He sends out Luna but Luna, unfortunately, didn't have enough power to beat the Tangrowth and was eventually knocked out.

He then sends out Acolyte next and finally takes the victory upon noticing the Tangrowth's weakness.

He is then seen checking his badges and was greeted by Erika and two other trainers in black.

It ends off with Marcus preparing to storm one of TR's bases.

Thoughts on Chapter 7:

So another cool and fun chapter but with a pretty gloomy end.

The tribe of Cubones and Marowaks here was something that's pretty interesting and I think it opens up a lot of possibilities with other Pokémon. I can imagine other mons that can form a tribe or like a small society though that does bring the question of whether these tribes would be filled with bipeds only or whether quadrapeds could form one themselves. Not only that, would these tribes be limited to only one species or could other Pokémon of different types and stuff form one together?

Anyway, getting back on track with the story. Blue's been added! Love his portrayal here and you could really tell that through his actions and behaviour that he's one of those spoiled brats that haven't seen much tragedy but still has the heart in him to save others and appreciate people. Though I can't help but wonder why he'd rather go with Blue instead of Gary. I've remember reading another fic that had Gary and Ash change their names to Blue and Red so this kinda reminds me of that.

Marcus, on the other hand, is just a big pile of oof right now, as not only was he blaming himself for failing his little baby, he's now blaming himself for letting TR capture and kill the Marowak tribe and letting Blue's Raticate die.

Sucks to be him.

Thoughts on Chapter 8:

Grief is a hard thing to deal with and probably even harder to write properly. Marcus and Blue having their heartfelt talk and Marcus giving Blue some advice on how to deal with it was a nice temporary farewell and the brief cameo from Red coming to comfort his friend was wholesome.

The interaction between Surge and Marcus was something I remember enjoying as Marcus finally has someone to talk about and having someone to help, as well as showing how even the battle-hardened Surge has a soft, gentle and caring side when meeting a person in trouble just gives me a sense of relief as it makes me think that everything will just get better as time passes.

Thoughts on Chapter 9:

The battle between Surge and Marcus was as great as the other two gym battles.

Only now have I realised that I've never read a single fic that'd showed triple battles before.

Anyway, with how fast and chaotic the battle was, it's great that I'm still able to understand clearly what's going on. Each Pokémon had a role that they needed to do and each mon executed them almost perfectly.

The scene with Aya and Marcus, I have to admit, had me on edge. I don't think it was your intention but her nice attitude and behaviour felt a bit sus to me... though that's probably because it reminded me of another fic where the MC meets a bartender, dates her and then gets betrayed by her and was revealed to the reader that she was a TR member all along.

But the scene between the two talking and chatting was admittedly sweet and getting a little insight on why Marcus is quick on the self-blame made me emphatise with him a little more.

Thoughts on Chapter 10:

This chapter was a bit slow for my taste but it served as a good little stopping pit for what's to come.

It's nice to see Marcus being worried for his mentor and vice versa, and any interaction between them is always enjoyable.

The forest trek showing how each of his mons deal with the wild is nice as we get to see Pride being battle-hungry as usual, Acolyte being worried and anxious being quite literally out of his territory and Luna being the great little Vulpix she is.

And I like the Heracross fight especially when said Heracross starts fighting with interesting tactics like kidnapping a mon and yeeting them onto the ground.

Thoughts on Chapter 11:

Archer is terrifying. This chapter really shows how dangerous a TR admin can be without showing them battling.

The conversation between him and Marcus was tense and you could sense the aura wafting of the man, telling you that he is one dangerous person you should not cross. I was half-expecting some more death threats from the man but ended getting something even worse: the possibilities of threats.

Moving onto the new member of the team, Vector. He's uncertain and distrustful but thanks to the power of honey! He will become a well-manner and civilized creature. He's cute, cool and I like him.

Thoughts on Chapter 12:

Some Vector action was seen today and boy, did he deliver.

I like the fact that Vector was already a very powerful mon, as seen from his first debut, and that he was strong enough to basically sweep Erika's team if he had listened in the first place.

He's definitely a strong and cool Pokémon, as all Heracrosses are, but we haven't really gotten to see much of this particular mon's personality and I'd be excited to explore more of it in the later chapters.

Also, Pokémon biology. Tangrowth is weird and it reminds me of this thing from One Punch Man.



So yeah, another great chapter and am terrified of Pride's inevitable fate.

Onto the line-by-line reactions:

Spoiler: Thingies

Chapter 7

It's not like typing in 'crazy acrobat lady broke into my room and kicked my ass' is gonna spit back any decent results anyway.

Hm, how about – oh I don't know – searching for the goddamn massive 'R' or something. 'cause there's no way any random person would just don an 'R' without it meaning something.

Telepathy was trippy for the trainer, especially when the trainer possessed no psychic ability of their own.

Trippy as in going on an acid trip or trippy as in dizzy vomiting trippy?

Either way, both sound like it's a mess to deal with.

He was tough and hit hard, but he needed to be faster.

This sentence flows a bit weirdly. I feel like adding a 'can' between 'hit' and 'hard' could make it a little better.

That's where I met the one and only, Gary 'Blue' Oak.

Oh, he's a smurf.

the bone resting on the side of her off hand for a half a moment.

The first 'a' seems a bit unnecessary.

They'd be able to react faster if I could teach them to react to changing situations if they could learn to think on their own.

Hey, this reminds me of another fic where the MC teaches their mons to think for themselves. 'Ascension' was the name I think?

I woke only once, when the droning buzz of a helicopter roared by in the distance. It faded away and I went back to sleep quietly.

The storm is coming.

He had a bandolier strapped around his chest with a trio of strangely coloured pokeballs on it.

Do Ultra Balls and the other Poké ball variants not exist? Or does Marcus just not know that variants exist?

The flash of light grew, stretching up to the tops of the trees. It's tail elongated and stretched out behind it, thudding heavily onto the ground. The tyranitar tossed its armoured head back and roared, a sound that shook the earth beneath my feet.

A Tyranitar! Hell yeah!

Now let's see how this grunt mess things up.

Luna turned and let off an energy ball just as Blue's wartortle clocked the the monster in the jaw with a jet of water that chipped away at its rocky hide.

Double 'the's detected!

He looked at me and I saw the tears behind his façade. He was hurting, but he would never show another soul. "Why?" He asked simply.

Shouldn't be capitalised.

I didn't know the answer to that. There was no reason why. No reason except me. And that? That was the worst part.

I mean, I'm pretty sure if Blue noticed the smoke, he'd do the same thing as you... except it'd probably end off way worse since a 1v1 against a pseudo legend... does not seem like a smart idea.

Chapter 8

And as selfish as it was, I didn't want to let Acolyte go so early.

Understandable. You literally just caught him like a day ago and considering the situation you're in, I can't really blame ya for thinking of yourself.

I picked up my pokemon from the front desk just as the apprentice teleported in, alakazam standing motionless behind him.

Should have 'an' before alakazam.

He lifted me off the ground with one arm, meaty hand wrapping around my throat.

'A meaty hand' sounds a bit better to me.

"He's not your mark, Vicious."

Heh, what a fitting name...

His parents must not have thought much of him if they'd named him that.

"What are they?" She asked.

Shouldn't be capitalised.

My brain was throbbing and my throat still aches from Vicious choking me.

Yikes, a sudden jump to present tense here.

Chapter 9

There was no crowd, no onlookers save for a pair of gym trainers that Surge had asked to spectate. The cameras were rolling, broadcasting live to whatever league network decided to pick up an early match. There was no announcer, hardly any noise at all. It was a harsh contrast with the spectacle that had been my battle in Cerulean.

No crowd. No spies creeping around and no chances of being kidnapped.

Newfound confidence filled my mind as I realized the breadth of our advantage. Acolyte was a gem, capable of intercepting Surge's electric attacks and walling them completely.

Lightningrod for the win! Let's go, baby!

He launched itself up to meet her,

A pronoun switch-up! Should probably change to 'himself'.

The report on the two prodigies in Celadon ended and I sucked in a sharp breath as my oblivious face popped onto the screen. "In local news, a surprise challenge in the early hours yesterday morning has earned Yucca village's Marcus Wright the intermediate status. The relative newcomer has proved himself as one of the league's rising stars since his unorthodox first match against Pewter gym Leader Brock Takeshi."

Take that Marcus' dad! Your boy is going places!

I opened my pokegear and began to absentmindedly found myself a hotel to stay at for the night.

Since the verb is used after a 'to', this should be 'find'.

The bartender returned, taking the plate with a smile. "Everything alright over here?" She asked as she filled my empty glass.

Shouldn't be capitalised.

She turned away as a shout from Frank drew her attention with a drunken shout.

Uh... the two shouts seem kinda redundant.

Also after reading this part again. I find it funny that a shout is drawing her attention with a drunken shout.

Should probably rewrite to either 'She turned away as a shout from Frank drew her attention.' or 'Frank drew her attention away with a drunken shout.'

"Frank?" She asked with a laugh.

Shouldn't be capitalised.

"You're a deflective one," she remarked. "Uncomfortable with spotlight?"

'With the spotlight'

Aya looked me in the eyes and I realized just how blue her eyes were. They were deep, dark, almost stormy. Just like the sea. She smiled. "I know a place we can talk."

Please don't be an undercover TR spy. Please don't be an undercover TR spy.

"Would you like to talk to someone about it?" She asked

Shouldn't be capitalised.

Chapter 10

"So delay the match. Nobody's gonna think less of you. He'll, you might even get some good press when they put out the news, maybe I could get daddy to pull some strings with one of the networks.

No can do, sensei. His baby is as good as dead if he does so.

Oh and typo.

A few overly aggressive bellsprout tried to start shit at one point, but Luna took care of them easily.

See 'roasted vegetables' for more details.

Trees were thicker, but but further in between.

Double buts.

I shrieked in pain and felt the pressure on my wrist disappear as i dropped from the sky.

Forgot to capitalise the 'i'.

It's tongue flitted out again, lightly brushing against Luna's flank

Wrong use of it's.

"Confuse wisp!" I shouted to Luna.

Missing a hyphen.

I wasn't overly worried as I'd seen my father do the same thing half a dozen times growing up.

Just because ya've seen it doesn't mean ya did it properly.

You could've made it even worse.

It can be found almost anywhere that forests are heavy enough to sustain large-scale flora that heracross feed upon.

'that' should be replaced with 'where'

Chapter 11

Talk to you later," she said.

Missing a quotation mark.

He nodded. "How could I not? You're big news! Kanto hasn't had 3 new challengers in a season like this in decades. You and those two kids are hot shit right now."

This reminds me. Considering the canon time line of the games, are Brendan and May currently undergoing the events of RSE right now or do they just not exist (yet)?

"I'm sure you will, mister Wright."

Is it strange that whenever I see a 'Mister Wright' I think of a certain man in a blue suit shouting, "OBJECTION!"

bumped into passerby's without noticing.

Correct spelling is passersby.

"Enjoying Celadon?" She asked hesitantly.

Shouldn't be capitalised.

He was trying to appeal to the humanity in me, something that I thought was ironic.I just couldn't figure out exactly what he was getting at.

Missing a space between the two sentences.

"I'll be taking my meal to go," I said calmly. I slowly began transferring the meal into the containers

Missing a period at the end.

"So," I started. "You want to be a part of our team?" I asked. A coy smile crossed my face and I knew his name before I even said it. "Vector?"

Heh, with the bug wings, it reminds me of the Vector meme.

Chapter 12

"WELCOME ONE AND ALL!" Boomed the announcer.

Shouldn't be capitalised.

I'd seen stadiums change battlefield's before but never in person,

Remove the apostrophe.

He struggled to to rise, his limbs fighting the pain.

Double 'to's inbound.

"Confuse wisp!" I shouted.

Missing a hyphen.

She attempted to rise, but whimpered in pain

Missing a period.

So anyhow, this had been another fun read. Hope you have a lovely rest of your day. Take care.

 

[Sinderella]

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH-UH, WHAT A FUCKING STORY. I feel like I'd probably understand this stuff more if I was caught up on Journey but what I did end up reading was still ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC regardless.

Wow, there were a lot of things and character dynamics I wasn't expecting here. Benga is the villain??? He's the big baddy bad here?? (yk aside from Plasma doing their shit). I know you kept it kind of open-ended and didn't give a real answer but it seems based on his very mellow reaction /s that he he indeed had something to do with Alder's death, if not, caused it all by his lonesome for the sake of glory. Only to yk, seemingly turn around and start another war as soon as someone ratted him out. I'm of the mind of "snitches get stitches" but I'll give Rykker a pass on this, Benga definitely deserved it. I vaguely remembered him being really annoying when I first played B2W2 but now I just straight up hate him. Bless.

Also damn, for the light amount of prose put into describing all the war carnage, I still clutched my heart when you wrote about Eliza getting zeroed. Rest in fucking peace, cuz god mothafuckin' DAMN. I think what really sends me about this little side story here is that even though it seems like you were leaning on the conservative side with the descriptive prose and kind of wrote everything as if Rykker were recalling it himself, I could still picture everything, I could still vibe with everything, and everything still HIT ME HARD. Like holy fuck when you mentioned the hydreigon showing up, my heart sank. When you mentioned how it HELD UP AND DUMPED ALDER'S BODY, I was like BRUH.

Also, Red showing up??? That threw me for a loop, but it was a very welcome loop. I thought for fucking SURE Rykker was dead dead dead but no, the man the myth the legend was there to beat back the rabid fire boy. And whisk Rykker off to Kanto/Johto to be a big wig, which judging by the epilogue, Rykker seems to be okay with. I'm glad he didn't die, I wanna see more of him fucking up whatever's left of Plasma (if any) and Bitch Boy Benga. That's what his name is now, dems da rules.

Also him crying over Sherys??? Bro. Right in my fucking heart. I love characters who are like "man X and I didn't have anything special we were never in love" but they say it while they're absolutely sobbing about how much they love X. I feel so bad for him, he's so fucked. I hope he really finds some happy place, somewhere, in Kanto/Johto.

My overall crit is pretty nitpicky because I loved it so much, but I know you're going in for edits so I'll lay 'em on you anyway. I think my biggest gripe for this last chunk of chapters was the way Rykker and the Ms. Hall parted ways. This is DEFINITELY a personal account, so take it with a grain of salt, but I was really enjoying the relationship you were building between them, with the two of them seemingly playing off one another, finessing one another, sharing a drink together, Rykker letting her stay over to continue the interview early the next day (and seeing Sherys in her, yikers ouch), that I was sort of expecting some sort of......unlikely friendship parting? Or like something a lot more than just "believe me or don't this is what happened" and cutting to the story airing. I guess, from my personal opinion, I'd have enjoyed a final played out scene of them just talking outside the interview. I found some little syntax and grammar things in my line-by-lines too, but that's about it.

All this just made me more hype to read Journey because I have a feeling I'll grow to understand a lot of what happened here more when I do, which is HYPE. Tysm for writing this, it was a treat, and tysm for review exchanging with me. I WILL BE BACK SIR.

Spoiler: Line-By-Lines

Line-by-Lines

Demeter was in her usual place in the yard, feigning innocence as a normal tree. As if the misshapen hollow trunk could be anything other than haunted. There was a rustle of movement on the fence line and I watched Demeter's eyes light up.

Phantom roots tore free of the dirt, wrapping around the intruders eagerly. A pair of lillipup writhed in Demeter's grasp, howling and yelping madly as my ghost lifted them into the air. Demeter scuttled over to them and her trunk cracked open to reveal rows of jagged, razor sharp teeth.

A deafening bark interrupted her meal. A pair of stoutland leapt over the fence, landing between Demeter and her morsels. They growled as the lean forms of nearly a dozen herdier slunk through the underbrush to join their pack leaders.

Demeter looked back at me with one baleful eye. She had the strength to tear the entire pack to pieces if she decided to do so, but she looked to me for guidance first.

I shook my head. We did not need to make enemies of the wild pokemon out here. This was their home as much as ours.

Demeter closed her maw and slowly lowered the two pups, reluctant to let her catch go. I would have to let her hunt soon, she was getting restless.

Idfk why but I loved this little scene. I loved this rambunctious fucking trevenant trying to EAT LILLIPUP, and the big daddy stoutlands showing up to run paws. What a little shit.

I also marked this scene because i know right after this Ms. Hall rolls up having been woken up, and I wasn't actually sure where they were. Your descriptions as Rykker and her spoke indicated to me that they were still inside, but this part led me to think Rykker was sitting outside watching Demeter trying to eat dogs. So I wasn't sure.

She smiled softly and I couldn't help the flutter of life that I felt in my chest.

:((((((((((((((((((((( She's too young for you but also :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

More than once I came across the body of someone who'd gotten too close to one of my ghosts,

I love ghost types and this was such a horrifying line. Rykker was just out for blood LOL

"Sixty-two thousand trainers were registered in Unova at the time. There were less than a thousand at the end of the Second Plasma Crisis." I scowled. "I don't have to tell you the math for you to understand that."

GOD MOTHERFUCKING DAMN

I nodded. "What makes you think Benga's new League is any different?"

Uh oh the little fire feral child is the new fuckboy???

I wasn't going to complain, especially when nearly two-hundred elite level trainers appeared on our doorstep. Even had a few Elites that came in real handy.

I had a hard time figuring out what the difference between "elite-level trainers" and "Elites" were. I think you meant like, "Elites" = Elite 4 members and "elite-level" are trainers who COULD be on the e4 and aren't, but I think some sort of bigger distinguishment might help other readers.

The Hero of Truth and the Hero of Ideals came to our rescue.

Ye olde Zekrom and Reshiram here to fuck up Plasma's day.

We'd cut through these men our entire war, and that didn't change now.

N led the way, I cut us a path and Liza covered my ass. It all made for a well oiled machine. We even cut our way through Ghetsis' precious shadow triad, leaving the foreign shinobi dead in the dirt.

Multiple uses of "cut" in this short span.

Eliza was down, clutching at the frozen spear that had impaled her through the chest.

God the sound I made, this was so rough :((((((((((((((((((

Ghetsis waved something forward. We saw the terrible shape of his hydreigon looming over his shoulder. We saw the body of our beloved Champion raised high over the side of the ship. Then he fell. Alder fell and there was nothing any of us could do.

BRUH WHAT

I shook my head. "I don't know where Benga was. I thought he had gone to help Alder and the surviving foreign Elite, but there was no sign of him." I looked directly at her, letting her see the truth in my eyes. "We did not rally. We hid and cowered and let Unova's real heroes win the day."

Oh yeah Benga's a fuckboy

I'd only ever seen N unleash Zekrom once before. When his team had been caught out of position and outnumbered in Black City, he'd loosed a storm that had melted several city blocks to a sea of molten glass. It had won us the day and allowed our escape that day, at a heavy cost.

He loosed Zekrom now, bathing the airship's open cannon cavity with living light. Another deafening roar echoed from above and living flame joined the fray. Reshiram was here, the Hero of Truth mounted astride the dragon.

Bolded a few instances of repetition that could probably be rewritten

Then Benga appeared, Ghetsis' corpse in tow. The chasm behind him began to collapse and we could hear the terrible sounds of battle threatening to rise from the deep again. I didn't stop to ask questions. I didn't stop to think. I should have. Maybe I could have stopped him then.

Bet this man pulled a whole ass Lion-King-Scar-And-Mufasa shit on Alder, huh

I walked into the kitchen, flipping my X-transceiver open and dialling Elesa. It rang twice.

"That was quick," Elesa's remarked. "You really missed me, eh?"

AW WAIT THIS WAS REALLY CUTE AWWWWWWWWW

"It was real," she said. "Sherys was my friend. Maybe it didn't start out as real, but it grew into something to be proud of."

The mention of her name broke my façade. I bit back a sob, but the tears were freely falling. "I miss everything about her, the laughing, the smiling… even the terrible burnt grilled cheese…"

:((((((((( BRUH MY HEART, JESUS H CHRIST

'YOU ARE DEAD.'

Rykker, in Ralph Wiggum's Voice: Haha. I'm in danger.

An explosion of violent light interrupted his words. The feed died in a scream of pain and static. I lifted my remote, flipping over to one of Unova's other news channels.

BRO IS MS. HALL OKAY THOUGH

"We are getting unconfirmed reports of an explosion at UNN headquarters in Castelia City."

BENGA'S A FUCKING TERRORIST WOW

'You're next.'

Damn when did this become a horror fic holy hell

whisky

*whiskey

I lowered the phone. She was still yelling through the phone

Some word repetition here.

Malvus was gone, back into his casket. I'd never see him again, not unless I got my miracle.

?????? Wait is Malvus dead or???

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, took a while, but I’m here to round out the last of that review exchange we had going on between us with a review of Fate’s Design.

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Sootopolis City, Hoenn

Oh, so this is a Hoenn fic, huh? Well, time to see what we’re dealing with-

The city was gone. The crater it had been housed in was shattered, one of the walls obliterated by the primordial Sea God's escape. Kyogre itself was gone, but Steven knew where it was heading. Mount Chimney had exploded the day before, wiping out Lavaridge in an explosion that had been clearly visible from the lip of Sootopolis' crater. Groudon was slowly working his way towards the coast, Flannery harassing the God every step of the way. It would never be enough to stop it. The two ancient Gods were fated to meet in battle, humanity be damned.

Ah, it’s a Weather Trio fic. One that’s off to a great start already, I see.

The angular crest of a gyarados breached the waves above the sunken city. A pair of waterlogged kids clung desperately to the ferocious pokemon, fear and despair etched on their faces. Their world was gone, erased by the fury of a caged god and the rush of cold seawater.

Wait, are those supposed to be May and Brendan, or…

Delicate feelers broke the surface beside the gyarados, Wallace and his milotic appearing from the deep. Wallace's chest was heaving and blood was slowly leaking down the side of his head. He pulled himself onto the lip of the crater beside the waiting champion.

Oh, so this is the AU of Final Gambit where it’s not just Kyogre bringing about the end of Hoenn, huh? Since I see that the Hoenn protag is similarly MIA here.

"Kyogre’s going off goes to meet Groudon," Steven started breathlessly. His skarmory stood on the lip of the crater, breaths sharp and ragged. "They appear to be moving towards Lilycove. We have to stop this madness."

I think you have a bit of a verb tense error here, since I think you were intending to say what Kyogre would do in the future, but the tense is talking about something that Kyogre’s actively in the process of doing.

Wallace looked longingly back down at the water. "There are still people trapped down there. I can't leave my city like this."

Wallace, your city doesn’t exist anymore right now and is currently several hundred feet underwater. Who on earth is there left to save right now?

"Sootopolis is gone," Steven retorted. "All of Hoenn will be next if we don't stop this madness." He put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "The league will do what they can for those still buried, but we are needed right now."

Translation: The League will leave them to their fates since they’re busy trying to think of ways to get around half of Hoenn going up in smoke in live-time.

Though I suppose this would explain a thing or two about how Liza wound up in Unova in this continuity. Since I’m not sure if she and Tate even have a gym left to lead right now. .-.

Wallace finally turned and looked back at the champion. "What can we do against that thing? It destroyed my home without even trying. Groudon wiped out Lavaridge with a yawn. With all due respect, we're dealing with something beyond even you."

Narrator:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OyBtMPqpNY

Wallace: “Real suggestions, please!”

Steven raised a pair of pokeballs and showed them to his friend. "I may have something," he replied. "Titans from a long dead age. But I'll need your help to raise them. I have the relicanth. I have the wailord." He opened his hand, showing Wallace the pale scar carved into his palm. "I have the anchor."

"The Regi trio?" Wallace gasped. "They're a myth. They aren't actually real, are they?" He had learned much since he had met Steven three years prior. He had learned of Kyogre's slumber under the city and of the ancient myths of Hoenn's people. Still, knowing of a God's existence was much different than watching it destroy your home.

Oh, so this really is a Final Gambit AU at this rate, isn’t it? Since boy is this discussion familiar in light of reading its first chapter.

Steven sighed. He gestured over his shoulder at the drowned city. "Neither was Kyogre before today. Groudon was but a myth before it levelled Lavaridge. The Gods are real and they are here." He sighed and massaged his temples. "I have nothing left but this. Nothing I can do, but this."

Wallace: “Steven, even I could’ve told you that. We live in a Pokémon setting. Myths turning out to be real all along is kinda part and parcel of-”

Steven: “Yeah, yeah, shut up and stop rubbing it in.” >_>;

"What about Rayquaza? The legends say that it stopped the fighting before." He folded his arms across his chest. "You can't possibly hope to control all three Golems alone."



A sad frown crossed his face. [ ]

"I have tried, Wallace. I am no draconid. The Sky God does not answer my pleas. I am out of options and we are out of time." He looked back at the raging storm as it followed Kyogre out to sea. "If Hoenn has any chance, we must go now."

Would suggest breaking up this up into multiple paragraphs and extending the bit of description. Though now I’m legitimately curious as to if you were inspired to write this story by FG or if you happened to come up with a similar plot by cosmic accident, since boy are these similarities uncanny right now.

Wallace looked back at his gyarados, at the half-drowned children on her back. "My pokemon will stay here to help the rescue efforts."

The kids are Tate and Liza, aren’t they?

Steven raised a strange flute to his lips. He blew into the flute, a long and haunting note echoing clearly out over the choppy water. Though the storm was still roaring in the distance, the wind seemed to calm ever so slightly.

Steven pulled the flute away, a far off look on his face. Wallace stepped back, perturbed by the distant stare in his friend's eyes. "Steven, what are you doing?"

That’s what I’d like to know myself, since I’m not sure what on earth Steven just blew into there.

The silver haired champion sagged on his feet, slumping against Wallace before he could catch himself. "They will aid us," he started hopefully. "They have to." Though his voice threatened to crack with exhaustion, he maintained the hopeful tone as best he could.

"Hoenn's guardians will aid us," Steven continued, forcing himself to his feet as the glowing scar on his pal throbbed with pain. He needed to be strong. His home was counting on him. "The Lati twins will help us."

Oh, he’s playing the Eon Flute. That’s definitely not something you see an awful lot in Pokémon fanfic.

Wallace gasped as a flash of blue in the distance drew his gaze. A second flash of pink light confirmed his suspicions. Wallace turned back to his friend as a pair of stars burned their way through the sky towards them. "Let's go save our home, then."

What on earth is that thing made of anyways such that those two can hear that flute? Though wait, does this mean that Lati@s are a unique pair in this setting? Or is the Eon flute something that happens to be bound to one specific Latios and Latias with others existing elsewhere? Since their ‘dex entries have always been a bit unclear with their mention of them living in ‘herds’.

Lilycove City, Hoenn

They were losing. That much was clear. Humanity was losing a war that they weren't even a part of. Lilycove was practically gone, just a few grievously damaged skyscrapers soldiering on as the only reminder that this had once been the largest city in Hoenn.

Ah yes, so Kyogre and Groudon throwing down is basically the same tagline as Alien vs. Predator:

“Whoever wins, we lose.”

Sidney and Phoebe were gone, lost in the chaos of the dying city. Glacia had been with him at some point, but the ice trainer had been swept away by the storm. The remaining gym leaders had been there to help evacuate the city, but Drake hadn't seen a single one since Kyogre had arrived and flooded the city. He was, as far as he could tell, the only one left.

Drake: “I told them that they should’ve made a point of training fliers on their teams, but noooooo...”

Steven had asked him to buy time, contain the battle as much as he could. The champion had promised that he would arrive with aid, but the old sailor didn't know how much more time he had left. He didn't see how Steven could stop this either, but Drake kept that doubt to himself. He'd learned long ago to discount Steven Stone at his own peril.

Steven’s going to fail and die in this one-shot, isn’t he? Since there’s strong undertones of futility going on here and canonically, it isn’t Steven who stops the Weather Trio from doing their thing and destroying Hoenn.

Groudon roared as a colossal wave bowled over it. The ancient God of the Earth crushed through one of the few remaining skyscrapers, sending the remains of the steel superstructure crashing down on the city.

Cue the mood music:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKCuAJdvynU


Though this is the scene that your icon depicts, isn’t it? Since two Latiis flying over a ruined city… all that’s missing is the Aerodactyl here.

Drake roared alongside his salamance as a hyper beam glanced off Groudon's shoulder. The God slipped under Drake's assault as another hyper beam from his altaria carved a burning furrow into its leg. One of his flygon darted in, glowing with draconic energy as he charged the falling God.

Drake’s going to be out at least one dragon in about 5 seconds, isn’t he?

A spear of rock shot from the earth, impaling a building as Groudon willed it forth. Drake's flygon was swatted from the sky with barely an afterthought, tumbling lifelessly away from the stone spear.

Yeah, I called it. Though what is the distribution of power among trainers in this setting such that Drake doesn’t have anybody left to help him effectively right now? .-.

The Sea God pressed its advantage, seizing on Groudon's weakness. What seemed like half the ocean seemed to empty from Lilycove's harbour as Kyogre swept out to sea. Drake had been a sailor nearly his whole life. He had practically lived on the water. He could see water types thrashing on the dry ocean floor and he knew what was coming.

Whelp, Lilycove isn’t going to have skyscrapers in it for much longer, since I don’t think that tsunami’s going to be a little 10-meter job.

"Climb," he growled to his salamance. He turned his head. "Climb!" he roared to the rest of his dragons.

His altaria shrieked an answer through the storm, and he heard the telltale hum of his remaining flygon's wings. His salamance roared and beat his wings, carrying them higher into the sky.

Salamence: “*You know, this sure would be a good time for Rayquaza to show up right about now-*”

Drake: “Well tough luck since Steven insisted on pinning our hopes on a fairy tale about ancient golems.” >_>;

They had to get higher, he'd seen tsunamis in his day. He had no doubt that a tsunami summoned by the ocean god would dwarf anything he'd ever seen.

Then he saw it. He gasped in terror, looking out at what seemed like half the ocean rising up to meet him. It was two, maybe three-hundred meters tall, a wave that would wash across Hoenn's mainland and leave nothing behind it but death. Kyogre itself rode the wave, bellowing a cry that shook Drake's weary old bones.

Yeah, I knew it. Though how low-lying is Hoenn geographically in this setting if this one wave could take out a decent swath of it in one go? .-.

Dunno, maybe I’m reading too much into the “across Hoenn’s mainland” bit.

"Climb!" He roared, straining to be heard over the deafening wave.

His salamence redoubled his efforts, wings beating madly in a desperate effort to gain height. But they were going too slowly, they would never be able to get above the Ocean God's vengeance.

Salamence: “*Drake, if Rayquaza could show up about now, that’d really be nice-!*”

Drake: “Salamence, just focus on us not drowning at the moment!”

"Brace!" He roared as he held fast to his dragon's back. There was nothing he could do, nothing anyone could do.

Oh, so Drake’s about to die here, huh?

A rush of cold air cut Drake down to the bone, but the crushing power of the wave never hit him. He opened his eyes as the titanic wall of water froze solid in moments. He could hear the ice cracking, rumbling as Kyogre's momentum ground to an icy halt.

Oh, so Steven did get his golems after all, huh?

Kyogre crashed through the frozen tsunami, a pair of steel fists battering it through the wave. A metal Titan followed, hammering into the fallen God with wordless fury. A stone Golem was already there, hammering the deity with a spear of stone that thrusted from the earth.

Boy that was fast of him. I wonder how much time passed between this scene and the prior one, since I get the suspicion that a lot happened between these two scenes.

"Drake!" shouted a familiar voice. "Rally to me!"

Wait, how on earth has that wall of water behind the frozen wave face not just cracked through the ice and just kept going to delete everything in its path anyways? ^^;

Drake spun on the air, his salamence expertly pivoting on blood-red wings. The champion was here, silver hair streaming astride a bolt of blue light. A maelstrom of green power swirled around his outstretched fist, linking each of the legendary golems back to the Champion. The blue-and-white dragon beneath him roared their arrival, his pink-hued sister echoing him a half-moment later.

I would call Latios a blue-and-white dragon, since when I read that, I first thought it was talking about Drake’s Salamence and was going “Huh? Drake’s Salamence has a sister?” in my mind at first since it’s also a blue dragon.

"The Lati twins," Drake muttered as the Champion and his friend soared past him. "And the Regi trio… Hoenn's guardians come to save us all." He bowed his head with instinctive respect, watching atop his dragon as Registeel pounded Kyogre across the face.

I honestly will be more surprised if this works given that… yeah, these are imperfect counters to Groudon and Kyogre’s cutscene powers, to say the least.

He locked eyes on Kyogre, watching the Sea God crash to the earth and plow through half of Lilycove. One of the few remaining skyscrapers toppled over, crashing heavily into the frozen surf. Drake cursed for all he was worth, mourning the lives of those who had still been trapped in the building.

Why on earth were they even still in there when presumably there would’ve been evacuation notices handed out to get out of the path of the two giant physical gods of nature leaving death in their wake after watching two cities just flatly die in a flash?

"For Hoenn!" he roared. He was the last Elite, one of Hoenn's greatest defenders. So long as the champion still stood, so did he. His remaining dragons followed his lead, altaria and flygon taking their places at his side and echoing a deafening roar.

Drake is not going to live past the end of this story, is he? Since everything about this setting just screams “major character death is going to happen in like a thousand words”

The stone Titan leapt up and landed on Kyogre's back, crushing a grunt of pain out of the god. It wailed mournfully, willing the ocean to aid it. The tide stormed forward, but a blizzard that stretched further than Drake dared to imagine roared to life as Regice landed at its side. The ocean froze solid in moments, adding to the ice wall that Kyogre's tsunami had formed.

inb4 Groudon struts in in maximum “I think I will cause problems” mode and ruins everything.

"Hyper beam!" Drake roared over the titanic snap-crack of the ice breaking up. They had an opening now, one glorious opportunity to rip the damned Ocean God from the sea and trap it inland. Hoenn was not especially densely populated west of Lilycove, mostly just disparate wilderness pockmarked by stretches of farmland. They could force it westward, keep it away from what was left of the city. Maybe they could isolate Kyogre inland and kill the beast.

Bruh, Groudon is literally right there on the other side of that wall of ice.

His salamence opened his maw, a brilliant ball of swirling energy gathering in the dragon's razor-toothed jaws. It erupted with violent screaming light, another hyper beam joining him from each side. Steven and Wallace were there with him, psychic light surging from their mounts.

They smote Kyogre from above, driving it back into the earth. A chasm opened up beneath the Ocean God, the bedrock literally tearing itself apart as Groudon reshaped the earth at will. Drake could see the hellish glow of molten rock bubbling in the deep and could not help the reverent awe that he felt. Their plans meant nothing, less than nothing to these primal beings.

Salamence: “*... Drake, I’m pretty sure that this is a sign that we should get out of here right now.*”

They were battling Gods, creatures with enough immense power to literally reshape the planet. The chasm slammed shut as Regirock leapt away, swallowing the Ocean God whole as it shrieked in godly panic.

I don’t believe for a moment that that will be enough to kill off Kyogre there. inb4 it breaks free in like a minute in some ungodly geyser from the deep.

Drake warily glanced back at Groudon. The God of the Earth was unconcerned with an old man and his dragons. It turned towards the Regis, massive footfalls leaving puddles of liquid fire in the God's wake. Steven sat tall atop Latios, his silver hair shining brightly as harsh sunlight began to clear the storm clouds.

Sure was a good thing that you yeeted Kyogre to the planet’s mantle, huh Drake and Steven?

"Get over there!" Drake shouted.

His salamance roared, crimson wings pumping desperately for speed. He could hear his flygon's wings buzzing behind him, could see his altaria effortlessly keeping pace alongside him.

I’m honestly a bit surprised that none of Drake’s dragons are starting to show signs of fatigue yet.

The earth shook below him. Drake glanced down, worried that Groudon was bringing some fresh hell up to the surface. The ocean surged forward, putting that idea to rest as the ruined city was washed away by a swell of water. Storm clouds began to gather once again, swirling around one spot in particular.

Yeah, I knew that burying Kyogre like that wouldn’t be enough to finish it.

He sucked in a breath. The fissure had sealed, leaving a gargantuan scar through the earth. Drake watched in abject horror as the earth bucked violently and the fissure widened ever so slightly. Water rushed down through the crack and his eyes widened in terror.

Drake looked up, shouting across the ruined city with all the strength he had left. "GET AWAY! GET AWA-"

Well, that’s the end of Steven and Wallace, huh?

The earth simply exploded. Thousands upon thousands of tons of molten rock were thrown into the air, steam exploding out of the fissure and flattening what little of Lilycove was still standing. The last remaining skyscraper twisted and toppled down onto Groudon's shoulder, the God shrugging it off effortlessly. Wallace held desperately to Latias as the wall of ash and steam slammed into them, knowing that losing his grip meant certain death.

You’d think that they’d just be dead already from that since that ash and steam presumably is really, really hot to the point of potentially being able to incinerate Wallace in live-time unless if Latias is doing some psychic stuff to keep it at bay.

Drake was gone, lost in the violent plume of steam and ash as the ocean boiled on contact with the molten earth. Kyogre rose from the maelstrom like a demon from the deep, letting out a long and furious cry as its eternal foe turned to face it.

Should’ve gone after Rayquaza, bro.

"Steven!" he shouted, straining to be heard over the eruption. Latias drew closer to her brother, nervously letting out a whimper. "What do we do?"

The silver haired champion turned atop the blue dragon, his expression grim. He looked like he had aged a decade since the start of the battle. His eyes were ragged and sunken. Dark circles had appeared under his eyes and his cheeks had none of their usual meat to them.

"Protect Hoenn," he said calmly. Steven stone met his eyes and Wallace saw the pain in them. He knew what he was doing. "Promise me you'll carry on when it's done. Someone has to rebuild after all this."

Oh, so this really is an AU of Final Gambit, huh? Since this is also a significant plot point in that story.

Though I suppose that Wallace becomes the new champ after all of this in this continuity? If obviously without the same E4.

Wallace shook his head. "There's got to be another way!" He couldn't allow the Champion to do this, couldn't allow his closest friend to die.

>implying you’re going to get a choice, Wallace

"There isn't," Steven replied. He pointed at the kaiju as Groudon raised a sheer wall of earth that blunted a titanic wave of water. "Their battle will consume the whole world unless they are stopped. Someone has to do something."

inb4 Rayquaza just casually floats in at the end and goes “what’d I miss?” over the smoking ruins of Lilycove. It’d just be the cherry on top for the “desperate attempt to cheat fate results in disaster” parade of epic backfires that have played out thus far.

"You'll die," Wallace said simply.

A strange calm seemed to come over Steven. He nodded slowly.

"Then I die in service to Hoenn," he replied. "There is no greater cause than service to others. I want you to remember that, Wallace."

He smiled and Wallace thought for a moment that he saw tears starting to form in Steven's eyes.

"You'll need to remember that when you're Champion."

Would suggest breaking this second paragraph up into a few pieces. Doesn’t necessarily have to be this many, but it should be more than what’s there.

Wallace opened his mouth, whether to protest or demand that he stay and help Steven, he couldn't tell. Steven reached across the distance between them, touching his friend's hand as Kyogre raised another wave of titanic proportion. Green light shone from Steven's palm, sucking the life from him to fuel the Regis covenant with humanity.

When was it ever established that this would happen again? Like I know that FG alludes to something like this happening in that story as well, but I don’t recall this actually being a part of canon lore, so it probably would’ve made sense to build this up a bit more in earlier scenes.

"It's ok, Wallace. I want this," Steven looked away, down at the three Titans awaiting his command. He closed his hand, doing nothing to dim the anchor's light. "I need to do this."

I can already see Rayquaza’s “Bruh, you could’ve just told me about this [unimpressedrayquaza]” reaction after this whole saga is over.

Wallace found himself nodding. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't." He grabbed hold of Steven's hand. "Go then," he said weakly. "Go save the world."

Narrator: “Steven will not save the world.”

Since really, just about everything that Steven has done as an attempt to intervene thus far has just made a bad situation worse at this rate.

Steven looked back at him, stormy grey eyes churning with conflict. His cheeks were thin and sallow, and the colour seemed to drain from his face. "I… I never told you," he stammered. "Now I'm out of time."

"It's ok," Wallace replied, trying to hold in a sob. "I already know. I love you too."

Oh, so these two are gay for each other in this continuity? I mean, wouldn’t be the first fic continuity that I’ve seen that took that tack, even if I kinda wonder if it should’ve been built up and hinted at more in earlier scenes, since I didn’t really get a feeling that the two were this close.

They sat there for a long moment, hands clasped in a desperate vision of what might have been. Ancient gods reshaped what had once been a thriving city before them, but nothing could break their embrace.

I mean, Steven could die in Wallace’s hands right about now. I’m pretty sure that would break his embrace.

Steven pulled his hand away, a stern expression crossing his face. "Latias," he started, looking down at the pink dragon. "Take him somewhere safe."

Meanwhile at Sky Pillar, Rayquaza is loafing around and lazily pawing at the air in its sleep as the winds howl outside.

Rayquaza: “*Mrph, no… five more minutes… Zzz…*”

Wallace opened his mouth to protest, but the dragon rocketed away. He twisted around, trying to get one last look at the man he loved. He caught a glimpse as he soared away, green power swirling around the grey-haired trainer atop a bolt of blue light.

Bruh, is there going to be anything left of Hoenn by the end of this story? .-.

Latias swung low over the ruined slope of Mount Chimney, slowing only long enough for Wallace to slip gracefully off her back. He looked back up at the sky as she rocketed away, watching the streak of pink light tear across the sky.

Then the earth shook with fury and Wallace watched Armageddon come to Hoenn.

Oh, so not even Wallace is going to make it to the end of this story, huh?

He was as close to a God as any human could ever claim to be. The legendary Golems were his. The Lati twins were his. He had more raw power at his disposal than even Grand Champion Shirona could have dreamed of. And yet, it still was not enough. He could feel his strength flowing through the anchor on his hand, keeping the legendary Titans tethered to him. He was growing weaker by the moment, his life fading away to fuel the terrible power in his hands.

You. 👏 Should. 👏 Have. 👏 Summoned. 👏 Rayquaza.

Regirock led with its fists, but Kyogre's ire brought the wrath of the ocean down upon it. Its frozen kin was there, encasing the Ocean God in a frozen casket before it could end the stone Golem. Regirock burst from the ice as its frozen kin sealed the Sea God away, charging towards Groudon at Steven's urging.

I’m honestly surprised that Regirock didn’t just get deleted thanks to bad typing there. ^^;

Groudon batted aside Registeel like it was nothing more than a nuisance. The steel Titan skidded to a halt in the frozen muck, carving deep furrows as it tried to stop itself. Deep dents covered its armoured shell, green light leaking haphazardly from inside the Golem.

Regirock was there, leaping atop a spear of stone spear aimed at Groudon's heart. Steven felt his strength flagging as yet more of his life flew through the anchor, and he knew that he didn't have long left. He had to end this now.

Narrator: “He will not end things here.”

Latios surged forward, a blast of psychic fire carving into the earth God's jaw. A pink bubble streaked through the battlefield as Regirock impaled the earth god with its final act, painting Groudon's throat with psychic fire.

Oh, so the Regis are going to die in all of this too, huh?

The stone Titan buried itself deep in Groudon's chest, spearing it through with a suicidal stone edge. Groudon shrieked as it doubled over the stone spear, white-hot fury rolling off the wounded God in waves.

inb4 Groundon just gets up from this afterwards and reacts to it as if it were just a nosebleed.

The ocean flash froze as Regice whipped a howling blizzard into existence. Groudon toppled backwards, snow and ice piling up as the Earth God roared in frustration. Registeel landed atop Groudon's chest, pounding metal fists into the toppled God.

Oh yeah, that totally bodes well for Registeel’s continued existence. Not.

The snow began to melt, sloughing off the earth God's body in great streams. Steven's eyes widened as Groudon's baleful golden eyes seemed to settle on him. Fire danced in the God's gaze and Steven knew that he had lost.

Wait, so you mean you didn’t realize that when your brilliant plan to stop Groudon and Kyogre got the biggest city in Hoenn reduced to molten slag? ^^;

The earth opened beneath Groudon, a geyser of molten lava spewing into the sky. Regice simply ceased to be, boiling into steam as the lava engulfed it. Registeel stumbled backwards, legs bending under its weight as the heat began to melt them. Groudon righted itself on the lava flow, swinging around to face the melting Titan.

Steven: “Well crap.”

Steven reached out, tossing out a ball. A shining silver shell appeared, four limbs stretching out from his metagross. The steel-type shone with psychic light, powerful barriers springing into place around it.

Ah yes, just going full desperate last stand here. Honestly at this rate, I really am expecting Rayquaza to just casually show up and go “I’m sorry, what the hell’s all this?!

” to twist the knife about how this was all ultimately futile and didn’t need to happen.

"Meteor mash!" Steven roared as the anchor went dark, Registeel melting into nothing as the lava overtook it. He felt the strength returning to him and knew that the Golems had failed. It was down to him.

I’ll start contacting the funeral parlor, really. Assuming there’s anything left of you to bury, Steven.

His metagross fell like a stone, fist outstretched and wreathed in power. He followed it down, Latios wreathing itself in a psychic aura. The dragon's sister surged ahead of him, encased in her protective psychic bubble.

His metagross landed a blow on Groudon's jaw. Latias slammed into the Earth God's chest, forcing it back off balance. Steven and Latios drove directly into Groudon's chest, sending it tumbling back into the lava.

A thunderous crash tore through the air as Kyogre burst through the weakened ice, a vengeful cry erupting across the ruined city.

Oh, now the giant wall of water is going to sweep Lilycove away.

Steven's eyes widened as a wave larger than either of the other ones that Regice had frozen swelled to life behind the massive Sea God. He had nothing to stop this.

Yeah, I figured. Though how tall is that wave anyways given that the first one mentioned was described as being in the realm of 200-300m tall? And just how thick are those ice walls that Regice made such that they managed to stop all that seawater that piled up 200-300m high without giving way?

His metagross leapt up, fists glowing as it rocketed towards Kyogre. It defended him without thought, his starter's loyalty bringing a tear to his eyes.

Kyogre opened its maw, spewing a torrent of water that blasted his metagross into the earth. The levitating tank bounced through the ruined city and Steven lost his starter in the rubble.

He held tightly to Latios, praying for a miracle.

Not holding my breath on that miracle coming to pass, really.

His eyes shut as he heard Groudon rise to its feet behind him. He'd failed. Both Gods would tear the world apart in their endless war. Then the wave crashed over him as Kyogre smote Hoenn's stubborn Champion under an ocean's worth of water.

Steven held on for dear life, the wave smashing Latios off the ground. A shimmering barrier held strong over them, though Latios could do nothing to stop them from being tossed upon the wave along with half of Lilycove.

Latios: “*Boy did I bet on the wrong horse here.*”

They broke the surface of the water for a single moment and it was all that the dragon needed. He soared into the air, Steven throwing up an arm to shield himself from the salty spray beneath them. A pink stream of light tore through the spray, splashing harmlessly against Kyogre's side.

How durable are Latiis in this setting anyways. Since I’m honestly surprised that Latios handled getting rubber ducked by a giant wall of water without showing any signs of exhaustion at all from it.

Latias spun off a clumsy attempt at retaliation, almost effortlessly avoiding Kyogre's hydro pump. She carved a bloody path along the God's side, a roaring pulse of purple energy piercing into blubber.

Oh, so the Latiis are going to die in all this, huh?

Latios swooped low to aid her sister, Steven still clutching desperately to his back. He saw it too late to do anything, watched Groudon open its maw and the fire boiling in its throat.

Latios pulled a psychic barrier up at the last moment, throwing everything he had into a last ditch effort. Steven felt the air grow thin and the searing heat seeping through the barrier as Latios whined in effort.

Yeah, I’m feeling good about that prediction that the Latiis are going to die in this story.

Then the flames ended and Groudon's tail was hurtling up to meet him. He sucked in sharply and the earth god made contact. He heard a high pitched psychic pop, and his world spun to pieces.

So wait, when a Protect pops, does it also result in balloon deflation antics?

Latios desperately tried to right himself, but the dragon was wounded now and Steven was far too heavy a burden. They hit the ground, bouncing twice before Latios lost consciousness and Steven was thrown hurtling from the dragon's back.

He skidded to a halt, rolling uncontrollably and smashing violently off of rubble strewn across the field. Steven Stone came to a halt in the frozen muck, trying and failing to draw a breath.

Whelp, Steven really is dead there.

He lay there in awe of the duelling Gods, limbs stubbornly refusing to move. He could see Latias still harassing the primordial foes, but knew that she was doomed like everyone else had been. She couldn't defeat these two alone, not where their best efforts had fallen short.

Sure was a good thing that you didn’t try to bait Raquaza into coming, huh?

A spear of golden light tore through the storm, driving Kyogre into the earth with practiced ease. A twisting, writhing dragon rose from the crumpled body of the Sea God and Steven felt his heartbeat quicken in his chest. Rayquaza was here.

Ah yes, time for that cutaway gag I was anticipating on breaking out:

Rayquaza: “*I’m sorry, what the hell’s all this?!*”

Steven: “Sure would’ve been nice if you came five minutes ago. Or five hours ago for that matter.” X_X

Groudon roared fearfully, scrambling backwards as the Sky God slowly advanced upon it. Then the flying dragon began to glow with golden light. Steven's eyes widened as he watched Hoenn's saviour drive relentlessly into Groudon's heart.

Groudon: “*... Ow.*” X_X

He felt the rumble of the earth as Groudon smashed off the ground. The earth rumbled and protested, but Rayquaza was stronger than the Earth God could ever hope to be. Hoenn's ancient protector reared back and Steven knew that it was over.

Steven: “I swear to gods, if Wallace puts ‘I told you so’ on my epitaph…” X_X

His vision began to fade, dark shadows starting to creep in at the edges of his sight. He felt a solemn presence touch his mind and realized that his metagross was still alive.

Tears streamed freely down his face. He had known that he was sending his starter into an impossible situation. Knowing that his stubborn old metagross had survived anyways was all the peace that his body needed.

Metagross: “*Steven? T-Talk to me here, Steven!*”

He felt something lumber over him, and blankly watched his Metagross lift him off the ground with its mind. He tried to turn his head to watch Rayquaza savage the rising Kyogre, but found that his head refused to turn.

Oh, so Steven was paralyzed from his fall, huh?

Calm acceptance washed over him as his metagross confirmed his suspicions. He was broken. There would be no miracles for him. Not even Jirachi's wish would have been able to save him now. He felt himself fall to the ground and looked helplessly up at the sky.

Looks like it was his…
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
Final Gambit.
(⌐■_■)

Oh wait, wrong story for that, huh? Though from what I’ve heard through the grapevine of where that story goes, I really am curious if there was any inspiration from it on display here.

Steven Stone faded away. He didn't fight the end. Hoenn was safe. The world was safe. Wallace was safe. That was all that mattered to him.

Steven: “I should’ve gone back and tried Rayquaza again.” X_X
Metagross: “*Gee, you think?*” ;_;

Well, I suppose I know why Liza’s not in Hoenn in The Champions after all of that since… I’m not sure how there’s anything left of Hoenn in this continuity right now.

Alright starting with what I felt were the high points, but it was a harrowing and gripping read. I kinda get the vibe that you were gunning for a “man in the face of fate and nature” story where there are some cases where for all of one’s designs, you just can’t really do anything other than get out of the way. You pulled off the idea of trying to force a square peg into a round hole being a terrible idea and in the end, even when Hoenn is ultimately saved, it’s not Steven or his efforts that do it and he’s a bystander to things, and his efforts ultimately wind up making things worse at multiple points.

As always, the action sequences are very well done, like they are in your writings in general. There were a couple points where I stopped and asked “wait, how is this possible?” in retrospect like Regice managing to stop a 200+m wall of water with an ice plug, but honestly, I was having too much fun to really let it get to me. Since hey, part of Journeyverse’s raison d’etre is to write stuff blowing up, and you delivered on that front in spades here.

As for stuff that I thought were weaknesses, the obvious low-hanging fruit is that there’s some typos here and there. There were also a couple paragraphs that felt a bit too “giant block of text”-y to me. Some of that is personal preference as a reviewer, but it might make sense to go back and give things a once-over.

On the structural side of things, but the general flow of events in this oneshot was very accelerated in the version that I read in reviewed, especially towards the beginning where the whole Regi hunt by Steven’s end is completely offscreened. I also feel that the deaths of the other E4 members would’ve had more impact if we got to see them actually happen, ditto the apocalyptic vibes to be had from Lilycove City coming apart in live-time as opposed to just picking over the pieces after most of the damage is already done.

There were also some things in this story that felt a bit “told and not shown” thanks to not getting a chance to be built up more. Wallace and Steven’s relationship with each other was one of those, and it kinda undercut the impact of final “I love you” to really have an impact, since it didn’t really play a strong role in either of their thought PoVs until the very outro from Steven’s perspective. The whole ‘Regis drain life force’ was similarly a thing that kinda came out of nowhere since it wasn’t built up at all prior to Steven cold-dropping that facet of how it worked in the battle over Lilycove. If you did write an expanded version of this one-shot that showed off the Regi hunt in some capacity, that strikes me as as natural a place as any to initially bring it up such that it doesn’t come out of nowhere in the big battle trying to stop Groudon and Kyogre.

In conclusion, I liked it, even if the surprise of where things were going was kinda evident halfway through and I kinda wonder if this one-shot would’ve worked better as a longer one or else a two or three-parter. Even so, I thought it was a fun read, even if it’s gotten me wondering how on earth civilization in your setting hasn’t imploded yet given that I’ve seen 2 regions thus far that are just depopulated wrecks in it.

Hope the feedback was helpful, @Joshthewriter , and I’ll be looking forward to crossing paths with your writing again in the future.

 

[Joshthewriter]

CW: Blood/Violence, harsh language, mentions of suicidal thoughts (in later chapters)

This is a part of the Journey series. While knowledge of the other fics in the series is not required, it may enhance your reading experience.

---

The Hero, From Another Story

The First Loss​

---

Footsteps echoed down the long, cold hallway. The prisoner's head perked up at the approaching sound. It had been days since he had last heard that distinct gait, listening intently for the barest trace of a limp present in his nemesis' steps.

He knew who was coming, but what he didn't know was why. The man had already asked him half a thousand questions, none of them making any sense to the raven-haired boy. He put the incessant questions from his mind, steeling himself for the encounter.

He would make an attempt to escape this time. He was the chosen one. He was Arceus' true hero, a knight of aura and an avatar of vengeance in a cruel world. He had never been denied his will until his transportation to this strange place, but he would change that today.

A tall, imposing figure turned the corner. He approached the cell slowly, as though he knew the prisoner had been agonizing over this moment and was intent to draw it out.

The figure stopped at the bars of the cell. The prisoner remained blankly focused on the wall, giving the tall figure nothing.

"Ketchum," said the man. "I would have words."

His gaze never shifted from the point on the wall. Ash Ketchum tightened his fists, reaching for the well of willpower within him that fuelled his power.

Ash Ketchum glanced down at his fists, hoping beyond hope that the azure flames of Aura's power would be burning on his fists.

Stubborn darkness greeted him. No fire danced in the dim light, no inner power answering his desperate call.

Ash Ketchum felt his shoulders sag and his spirit waver. He glanced up at the tall figure, scowling at his captor. "Go fuck yourself, Giovanni."

The tall figure sighed deeply and Ash suppressed the urge to try to grab him through the cage. He wanted to bash the Rocket Boss' head in and enact one of his patented escape plans, but a sinking feeling in his gut told him that the idea was doomed.

"You continue to address me in this manner," Giovanni began, unperturbed by his prisoner's harsh mannerisms. "And yet, as I have told you, I have no clue who you are."

Giovanni unfolded his arms from behind his back and flipped open the folder he held there. "As far as my considerable resources have been able to tell, Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town does not exist."

Giovanni closed his file folder with a sigh and looked up at the teenage trainer. "At least, not in this universe."

"You said that before," Ash replied curtly. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Do you remember how you came to be here?" Giovanni asked cautiously. "Anything at all?"

Ash was quiet for a long moment. His fists tightened and hard lines set into his face as he remembered the fateful battle that had landed him in this cell with his pokemon massacred.

"You beat me," he said quietly. He shook his head and corrected himself. "No, you didn't win. I lost."

---

Ash pressed through Giovanni's team, his own pokemon creating a path through the madness. His lucario was locked in battle with an armoured Mewtwo, and his pikachu fended off an arbok with ease.

The room rippled and swam for a moment, then the scene shifted almost imperceptibly and Ash caught a flash of gold interspersed with bands of violet light and thick bands of smoke that dissipated as soon as they appeared. He landed on one knee, steadying himself on the ground and fighting the urge to vomit.

He glanced up, at the small bunker that he'd traced Giovanni to. He was so close to finally killing Giovanni after what the Rocket Boss had done to him. After he'd turned his friends against him and forced Ash to kill them all in a desperate race for survival.

"Giovanni!" shouted the chosen one. "I'm here to kill you!"

His hand dove into his pack, pulling out a full restore. Ash emptied the bottle into the back of his injured shiny lucario. His black hair was matted with sweat and blood and his team of fearsome pokemon stood with him. He couldn't feel the fire of Aura flowing through him, but battle had been joined and there was no avoiding it now.

Ash's golden lucario rose from his feet, facing down Giovanni. Mewtwo was missing and he would have no better chance than this. The crime lord had changed into some sort of bulky exploration suit. None of his pokemon were present, just a massive brute of a pokemon with golden rings banding each limb.

A trio of golden rings spun into existence, leaking thick smoke and violet light. Three gods emerged from the strange rings, their eyes blazing the same violet as the ringed creature behind Giovanni. Twisted apparitions of the Bird trio screeched their cries in unison, no doubt twisted like Mewtwo had been.

Ash stepped forward, raising the skarmory steel feather that he had long used as his blade. "Stand down and prepare to be—"

An red-orange blur slammed into his charizard's throat, snapping the fire drake's neck with the suddenness of its attack. Charizard toppled, limp limbs and wings splayed out at an awkward angle. The Zapdos skidded to a halt, glaring down at Ash with malevolent hate.

A purple bird that radiated psychic power floated forward ethereally, freezing the rest of the intruder's pokemon in place as the discoloured Zapdos speared Ash's beloved leavanny from behind with a pointed beak.

The Zapdos tossed his loyal bug into the air where the third bird, a reaper of black with sinister flames roaring off its wings, skewered the immobilized leavanny and swallowed it whole.

Ash felt the psychic force hold him lessen and fell back in shock, the rest of his team still frozen in place. His lucario made it a few steps before midnight fire smote it where it stood. His espeon glowed with psychic light, but the purple Articuno wiped it from the earth with a flick of its mind.

Pikachu finally shook off the effects of Articuno's immobilizing gaze. Ash's starter glanced back at him, the same determination filling his eyes that had driven the little electric mouse to victory over every foe that the pair had ever faced.

"Pikachu…" he started, his voice faltering for the first time since the horde of spearow had descended on him during the first days of his pokemon journey.

His starter nodded once and turned back to face the bird trio with the betrayed hero of his universe at his side. Ash hefted his feather-blade, intensity burning in his stare. He struck the pose that his pikachu could use to channel the Z-powers contained within them both.

"Gigabolt Hav—"

Pikachu leapt up before Ash even finished his command. White hot electricity surged from the little pokemon's red cheeks, bathing the chamber with the sky's fury. Pikachu let loose with everything that the little mouse had.

Ash felt his hair stand on end as lightning bathed their foes. He tasted ozone and shut his eyes to block out the impossible light. Then it faltered. The retribution of the storm died and Ash felt his heart drop as he dared to look. The birds hadn't even been scratched, let alone knocked out by the most powerful attack that his pikachu had ever used.

An orb of yellow electricity crackled to life above the Zapdos. The purple Articuno conjured its own orb of chilling elemental energy as the midnight Moltres did the same with a ball of fire.

Pikachu leapt up in a last desperate effort to shield his trainer from certain doom. The assembled gods loosed their power as the little pokemon lit up with one last thunderbolt.

Ash closed his eyes, shutting out the quiet shriek of pain before his starter was silenced for good.

He heard a muffled command come through Giovanni's suit and opened his eyes to see the trio of gods disappear through the same golden rings as before.

A pair of blast doors beneath a small viewport, a dozen armed soldiers bursting through and training their rifles on him. Laser dots painted his chest, but none dared to fire. The implication was clear.

Giovanni reached up and unsealed his helmet. He held it at his side, regarding Ash with newfound curiosity. "Surrender," he ordered. "Before the same happens to you."

Ash let his feather-blade fall useless to the floor. He looked inwards, for the well of Aura that had always burned inside of him. Arceus had called it his blessing, an endowment made to aid in his chosen one's quest for good. But now, the well of Aura was silent and dead.

He reached for the power anyways, fighting to draw on every ounce of willpower within his soul. Ash Ketchum willed it to the surface, letting his emotions run wild in a vain attempt to draw more of his Aura loose.

Still, the well remained silent and empty. No azure flames came forth, no supernatural strength and speed filled his limbs. Ash Ketchum let his arms fall to his sides in defeat, his gaze falling to the floor.

He didn't speak. Not even when the soldiers kicked his feather-blade away and cuffed him. For the first time in his life, Ash Ketchum had truly lost. He had lost everything.

---

"I was conducting a test upon the multiversal capabilities of the creature known as Hoopa." Giovanni folded his arms across his chest. "And in return, the multiverse spat you back at me." He sighed and leaned against the wall beside Ash's lone cell. "I am at a loss as to why."

"And you think I'd be able to shed light on that?"

Ash asked incredulously. "You're my greatest foe, the reason my life is in ruins." He rose to his feet and stepped up to the bars of the cell. "What are you trying to tell me? That you aren't Giovanni?"

He tipped his head. "No. I am Giovanni Sakai, to be sure." He reached out with a key in his hand and unlocked the cell, swinging the door open. "But it might be more accurate to say that I'm not your Giovanni Sakai."

Ash warily stepped towards the open door. "You mean to say that you aren't my enemy?"

"The multiverse seemingly thought so, and I believe that it spat you here as a sort of counter to myself." Giovanni frowned and stepped away from the cell. Again, Ash saw the cold calculation in his gaze. He had the same unfeeling and chilling glare that Ash had seen a thousand times before. "Whether you are my enemy still remains to be seen. You did attempt to kill me upon your arrival here."

Ash remained silent. He'd meant to kill Giovanni. He'd wanted to do it himself, run the older man through with his feather-blade and leave him in a puddle of blood. He'd have done it too, if his Aura hadn't failed him.

"I know that this must be confusing for you. I went from your mortal enemy in one instance to… this, in a span of seconds." Giovanni turned his back and motioned for Ash to follow. "I would feel much the same, especially if I had spent as much blood as you had. But if you stay here and allow me the chance, I can show you that you are not my enemy."

Ash Ketchum stepped out of the cell, following Giovanni down the short hallway into a small kitchen. He stopped suddenly, staring at the man with some suspicion clearly on his face. "You mean to say that you aren't an evil crime lord in this universe?"

"I am a gym leader and founding member of the Indigo Aces." He turned and tried to offer a warm smile. "I have resorted to some less honourable methods in the past, but I am trying to save humanity. I am not an evil man."

Giovanni turned and gestured to the kitchen. "Please, you will be my guest here. I apologize for the way we treated you at first, but you did not give us much of a choice."

Ash frowned. The kitchen was small and spartan, like it was only intended for the use of a small group of people. He glanced at the heavy metal door that reminded him of the bars of his cell. This was still a cage, even if it was more comfortable than the cell.

"My Giovanni was a gym leader." Ash looked back at the Rocket Boss. "He was obsessed with control, much like you appear to be."

Giovanni chuckled, and led Ash down another hallway and away from the kitchen. "I would wager that he also had an underground facility that looked decidedly like an evil-lair." He turned his head with a grin. "We are likely often reflected in our multiversal selves. It is important to note that we are not likely to be perfect mirrors of our alternate selves. The multiverse is a window into possibility, where things can be different in a thousand minute ways."

They walked in silence as Ash sourly contemplated the meaning of that. If this Giovanni was telling the truth then he had thrown his friends' lives away in vain. If that was the truth than he was no hero at all.

He felt the resolve build in his mind. That could not be the case. He was the Chosen One. He would not have been punished like this in vain. He could only assume that this world had need of him. Even more than the world he had been torn from.

Giovanni broke the silence and interrupted the train of thought as he pushed open the doors of the small living quarters. "You'll find these much more accommodating than your previous room." He ushered Ash through and let the door shut behind them. "This is where you will be staying until you've satisfied my caution."

"You're allowing me to live?" Ash said, still having difficulty believing that Giovanni was content to let him live here unmolested. It was a cage still, but he had expected an executioner's block.

Giovanni nodded slowly and Ash saw the same calculating gaze that his Giovanni was all too prone to. "Another version of myself may have been your enemy, but you are not my enemy."

Ash raised an eyebrow. "You said that already."

"Then ponder it," Giovanni replied. He turned toward the door. "I have business I am needed for in Indigo. I will be back in three days time."

"And what am I to do?" Ash asked in response.

Giovanni stopped at the door for a moment. He glanced back and for a moment Ash saw a glimpse of something dark and angry inside of Giovanni. He wasn't sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him or if his Aura powers were struggling to re-emerge. "There is a large library down the hall. I would suggest that you educate yourself on your new home."

Giovanni turned and strode from the room, leaving Ash alone. The Chosen One listened to the footsteps lessen and then disappear entirely. He heard a heavy metal door slam a few minutes later and then nothing at all.

He sat down finally, letting the tension leave his body. His shoulders sagged and his eyes fluttered as exhaustion washed over him. He'd been running on adrenaline during the entire conversation with Giovanni and now he was crashing.

Ash laid back in the small bed. He didn't fight the sleep, praying to Arceus that he would find peaceful dreams rather than the hellish nightmares of death that he had been having. He could learn about his new home once he had gotten some rest, and just maybe he could find a way home.

---

Hello there and welcome to the world of Journey.This fic came to me as a sort of fun concept during the writing of a one-shot (What We Do For Our Children, also found on my profile). I really liked the idea of looking at what happens to a "Chosen One" when they're transported to a place where they are no longer that.

So while the initial inclusion of Ash into the world of Journey was initially somewhat of a joke, I really enjoyed this and hope you all find the concept as fun as I did!

 

[Joshthewriter]

Journey

Death of Duty

Part 6: Secrets and Lies

Defection​

---

There comes a time when each person must choose what side they want to be on. Pray that it is not too late. — Champion Alder Adeku​

---

"I'll call you when we get back to Fuchsia," she said. She leaned in and kissed me softly on the cheek. "Stay out of trouble without me."

I rolled my eyes sarcastically. "Sure, because I've been the one looking for trouble this whole time."

"Looking for it or not, you always end up in the thick of it." She smirked. "Though I wouldn't have met you if not for that, so who am I to complain?"

I smiled and pulled her close to me. "I should be back with Surge in Vermilion by tomorrow night. As far as I know, we had nothing immediately imminent on the Rocket front. So at least I'll have a moment to breathe and train."

She nodded and pulled back. "Make sure you get Blaine to acknowledge my communiqués. He still hasn't responded to my anti-piracy initiatives and I—"

I crushed her with a hug. "I'll mention it, Janine." I glanced up at the ship, at the shinobi standing at the top of the gangplank. "Leopold seems to be waiting for you."

She kissed me deeply this time, saying so much more than any words ever could. Then she pulled away and began her way up the catwalk to the Poison Fang. Janine turned and smiled at me, sheepishly waving. Then she turned back and made her way up the rest of the catwalk, disappearing into the ship.

I watched it go from Cinnabar's dock. The Fang grew smaller and smaller until it was little more than a smudge on the horizon.

Oak finally approached me from his waiting place on one of the benches lining the park opposite the dock. He'd given us a moment alone to say goodbye and let me stand and mope, but I couldn't do that all day.

It wasn't like it was forever, but it was the first time Janine and I would be apart since we'd met. I'd never even kissed a girl before her and I was scared of what the distance might do.

"Blaine's expecting us," Oak said as I turned to face him. "Called me again to ask when we were coming."

He lifted a ball and released his alakazam in a flash of light.

I pushed my adolescent romance from my mind. I had bigger things to worry about. "Did he say what he was calling about?" I asked.

Oak sighed and shook his head. "He's always been a cryptic bastard. He wouldn't say why he wanted a sudden meeting, but it's probably not a good thing. It usually isn't."

I sighed in response. The secrecy was something I'd quickly come to expect from Cinnabar's reclusive gym leader. "No sense keeping him waiting then."

Oak reached up and touched his alakazam on the arm. I mirrored his action and the docks disappeared with a small pop.

The oppressive heat hit me as I sucked in a breath. The ocean sprawled out in every direction from the island, itself seeming small and insignificant from the peak of Mount Cinnabar. I felt myself reminded of the harrowing battle atop Mount Ember and tried to put the victory on the caldera from my mind. Even if we had won, it had been a brutal victory that had cost us all.

"The scale of it really gets to you," Oak started, looking out at the sea. "Makes you realize how small we really are."

I stared out for a long moment. Cinnabar city sat nestled at the base of the volcano, resorts and pristine beaches spreading out away from the city proper. The ocean dwarfed all of it, stretching away to the horizon in every direction.

"Nothing but dust in the wind," I said quietly. "Views like this… places like this… they make you see just how little we matter as individuals."

Oak smirked knowingly, as if he'd been attempting to lead me to that conclusion so he could challenge it. "I'd like to think that even us specks of dust can change the world."

"A wishful fantasy," said a new voice. He stepped out of the doorway in the rock face. He was frail and lanky and hunched over a cane in his old age. I was given the impression of a powerful warrior succumbing to the ravages of time. "Especially with the coming storm."

"Blaine," Oak said. "This is Ranger Corporal Marcus Wright."

The bald man nodded gruffly. He frowned under his large moustache. "Surge's recruit?"

Blaine looked me up and down, eyes lingering on the crook in my previously broken nose and the patch of scarred skin that marred the left side of my face. My hair had been cropped short and my mangled ear was on full display.

"You remind me of him," he said with a wry grin. His eyes lingered on my scarred face. "You seem stubborn."

I nodded and let myself relax slightly. "I've been told that," I replied. "Good to finally meet you, Leader Katsura."

"Enough of the formalities," he said gruffly. "I don't like them and they'll just waste what little time I have."

"I agree."

Blaine turned back towards the doorway in the rock face. "Follow me then. We have much to discuss and very little time before calamity strikes us all."

I glanced back at Oak.

He frowned and I sensed the exasperation. "I told you he was direct about things."

I didn't answer and simply followed Blaine into the elevator.

---

Blaine's gym compound was built into the volcano itself. The elevator led us down into a chamber below the caldera, where the elevator shaft opened to reveal a stunning view of the magma chamber.

Two large platforms jutted out over the lava, one of them clearly the battle stadium with a large array of seats suspended from the ceiling of the chamber. The second platform was smaller and secluded on the opposite side of the structure the elevator was descending into.

"That is incredible," I said as the elevator entered the building. "It's beautiful."

"It's also on a timer," Blaine said gruffly as we stopped and the elevator opened. "We've got maybe three or four more years before the pressure is too great and Cinnabar blows." He glanced back at me as we filed out, seemingly enjoying the shocked expression on my face. "Glad you visited while you could?"

"It was going to blow in ten years back when you were twenty." Oak smirked as if to disprove Blaine's grim assessment. "At this rate, she's got another ten to fifteen left."

"Cinnabar is a fickle bitch, but I'm sure this time. I've tapped every magma reservoir and relieved every bit of pressure I could. She doesn't have much time left." Blaine turned away from the stadium and the large hallway leading to the main doors. "But either do I anymore..."

A younger man, towering over Blaine's hunched over form appeared from the doorway Blaine was leading us towards. He looked almost a mirror image to the old man, save for the fact that he appeared almost seventy years younger.

"Don't talk like that, grandfather. You've always beaten the timeline on everything else."

Blaine turned to face the younger man, scowling. "Bah, enough of this. We are wasting time." He pointed with his cane. "Follow me."

The younger man fell in line alongside me. "Glad to finally be bringing in other people to help us," he said. "Grandfather kept saying that we couldn't risk being exposed to Giovanni, but I don't think that matters anymore."

"Damian," barked Blaine as he barged into a messy lab. "Make us a spot of tea." The old man shuffled over to a large chair at the head of his table and sat down heavily.

Oak and I sat opposite him as the other man disappeared through a doorway to what I assumed to be a kitchen.

"Let's get on with the real reason I've brought you here then," Blaine began. He propped his cane up on the table and leaned back. "I'm defecting from Rocket."

I couldn't help the surprise and shock that came to my face. "I wasn't even aware that you were a part of Rocket."

Blaine simply smirked. "There are a great many people whose Rocket membership would astound you." He glanced over at Oak and seemed to smirk slightly. "Our dear professor here chief amongst them."

I sucked in a breath sharply as the two stared at me. "You're with them," I said as my hand dropped to my belt. I stepped away from the table and glanced between the three of them. "So this is a trap."

Blaine chuckled knowingly. "On the contrary, my defection is truly sincere. And I doubt that the dear professor intends to blow his cover until the moment is truly perfect."

"Marcus," said the professor in that same calm cadence. "Look at me. I am not your enemy."

I turned my gaze to him, a grim scowl on my face and my hand on Luna's ball. The deaths of Pride and Vector, Zapdos Squad, the Marowak, every run in with Rocket painfully fresh in my mind.

"I was just trying to challenge the League like every other trainer. And yet at every turn since Silph signed me, I've had Rocket on my back." I shook my head, trying not to lose my cool. "Tell me where I'm wrong, professor. You've helped me before with the cubone, but things look real clear from where I'm standing. If you're with Rocket, you're on the wrong side."

Oak looked at me pensively. He was quiet for a moment, then sighed long and hard. "I have been on the wrong side for far too long, despite my claims to the contrary." He reached up and massaged his temples. "But it's never too late to do the right thing." He glanced over at Blaine and gave a determined nod. "Perhaps it is time for all of us to do the right thing."

"Perhaps it is," Blaine replied. He leaned back as Damian deposited a large mug of steaming tea in front of him. He nodded in thanks, his gaze never leaving Oak and I. "Then you'll have to know the whole story."

I relaxed my hands, approaching the table. Damian deposited another pair of tea mugs on the table and sat in the open chair to my right.

"Surge knows some of this, so I don't know how much of it he's revealed to you," Oak began. "But I'll start from the very beginning."

I raised an eyebrow. "Surge knows some of this?" I repeated.

Oak nodded. "He was part of the original Team Rocket." He frowned, as if he knew he had just stunned me into silence. "I would know. I founded it." He sipped at the tea and nodded in thanks to Damian. "Nineteen years ago, I gathered the most powerful trainers in all of Kan-Jo to deal with a crisis. A group of cultists had woken Lugia in the Whirl Islands."

Blaine shook his head. "That was a goddamned shit-show. Seventeen islands sunken into the sea and a hundred thousand people dead before we could even mount a response."

"Surge was there" Oak continued. "Lance as well."

I frowned. "And Giovanni?"

Oak nodded. "He was one of those who answered the call. It wasn't Rocket yet… it… we were all trainers. We were all friends. They were my Aces, my response team to threats beyond imagining."

His eyes went hard and I could see that the memories were not something he was fondly recalling. "We stopped Lugia, but only by trapping it in a cavern created by the sinking of the Whirl Islands. We lost a few hundred thousand human lives because a sleepy god was woken up by a few reckless humans."

Blaine set his tea down. "It would not be the last time that humanity raised the ire of something greater." He shook his head and sighed. "No, our species decided to piss off the gods at a higher and higher rate. The Collector in Orange… those Galactic nut jobs in Sinnoh… the Unknown Incident in Johto…"

"There was a particularly devastating battle," interjected Oak. "against Lugia when it attempted to rise from the Whirl Islands once more. We lost a great many friends that day."

"A decision was made," said Blaine. "To create something to fight the battles we could not."

Oak scowled as Blaine fell silent. "Some… like Surge and Agatha, among others… disagreed with the idea. They were cut out of the plans." He turned and glanced at the old bald man hunched in his seat. "Some… like Blaine, Myself, Giovanni, Lance and a few others, decided that the danger had reached a tipping point. That something had to be done."

I stared at Oak in horror as he looked back at me. He sighed and I saw the true burden of the Champion's crown weighing on the old man before me. "Our first attempt was a sloppy attempt to recreate the adaptive abilities of Mew. It couldn't maintain cellular cohesion. We tried to salvage it, but instead we only wound up with a creature that could barely mimic the powers of others… the ditto."

He shook his head. "That failure should have warned us off. We created a weapon with our next attempt. A creature to rival any of the gods that the pokemon could throw at us. Something we could use to fight back against the overwhelming tide of natural catastrophe that these creatures wrought with their awakenings." His scowl deepened. "And we were victims of our own success."

"Fifteen years ago, an island seventy miles off of Cinnabar exploded. We said it was a dormant volcano. That the pressure had just grown too great and it finally blew." Blaine sat back, a proud smirk on his face. "In reality, the creature woke up. It rejected the purpose we had gifted it and chosen self-immolation."

Oak shook his head. "Except, as I said, we were victims of our own success. The creature survived."

"How?" I asked.

Blaine scowled deeply. "That is something that has yet to be determined."

"We call it Mewtwo. It was designed using DNA from a fossilized remains of creature that was discovered in an ancient temple in Johto." Oak nervously glanced at me and I felt the weight of his gaze. "I reformed my Aces to combat our new foe and found it impossible to find, let alone defeat."

Oak shifted and I saw the shame on his face. "I failed Indigo as her champion. This creature escaped my grasp and massacred all we sent to recapture it. A vote was cast among the remaining Aces."

"Lance replaced you as Champion," I said. "And Giovanni took over efforts to create a weapon… Mewtwo."

"Mostly correct," Oak confirmed. "I remained in contact and offered my assistance when needed, however I have found myself sidelined more and more over the years." He glanced over at Blaine. "And yet the situation has seemingly spiralled more and more out of control ever since my resignation. Attempts to capture the Storm Raptors as well as whatever unholy abominations Gideon created, along with their meddling in evolutionary science has made it perfectly clear. I am no longer on the right side, if I ever was."

I sat in silence, contemplating everything I had been told. The two old men were silent as they watched my reaction, Damian the only one making any noise as he lazily stirred his own tea.

"Marcus," Oak said calmly. "You have shown me that you have the moral compass to be trusted. If we are to move against Giovanni and Rocket then we are moving against Lance and the league itself. I need allies, and you do too."

"Say that I believe you," I began. "Let's say that I believe you're sincere and this has all gone further than you meant it. You're still responsible for everything Rocket has done."

Oak hung his head and failed to meet my gaze. "I know that. And I bear the burden of shame for what I have unleashed."

"Oak here has knowledge of an upcoming Rocket operation," Blaine interjected. "We want to help you disrupt it and bury his little paramilitary organization."

I raised an eyebrow. "On my own?"

Oak shook his head. "No, of course not." He smirked. "Giovanni has grown irritated by Surge's constant opposition. We want Surge. Erika and Misty too if we can convince them. Janine would be a plus as well, and we know you're close with Fuchsia's new Leader.

I nodded slowly. "And you have no secure means of communication with any of them."

Both the old men nodded.

Silence reigned once more as I contemplated what to do.

"I understand that we are asking a lot, but—"

"You're asking me to do something that I've been working towards since I joined the Rangers. You're asking me to help you put a stop to the man terrorizing Kan-Jo, who personally killed my first capture and is responsible for the deaths of far too many of my friends." I shook my head. "What kind of person would I be if I disagreed?"

Oak let himself crack a grin. "So you're in?" he asked.

I nodded slowly. "I'm in."

Oak looked as though a huge weight had lifted from his shoulders. "You don't know how much of a relief this is."

"Contact Surge," Blaine barked. "I'll forward Oak all of my intel and he can brief the both of you." He glanced over his shoulder at the doorway deeper into the complex. "I apologize," he said as he rose to his feet. "But what I am about to show you is highly sensitive and cannot leave this facility."

Damian got to hide feet and disappeared into the doorway.

"We recovered this after the Collector's airship went down in Orange," Blaine continued. "Ingenious bit of tech. It's a damn shame that man was utterly insane."

I raised an eyebrow. "Sorry if this sounds ignorant, but who is that?"

Blaine and Oak chuckled and shared a knowing glance.

The old professor looked at me. "I sometimes forget how often we change the story for the public." Oak sat back. "The Collector was a mad scientist, plain and simple. He built himself a massive floating fortress and attempted to seize control of Kanto's Storm Spirits."

"The birds?" I asked. Realization dawned on me as I thought back to the region threatening storm that had dominated the island chains south of Kanto in my youth. Pundits had called it the storm of the century and stirred up a huge panic before it suddenly dissipated. "Wait, that huge storm was them?"

Oak nodded. "Yes. A renowned machinist from Orange, Lawrence Gelarden III, made an attempt at capturing them. He almost succeeded before Lance and I stopped him."

Damian reappeared, pushing a strange looking table on a cart. He wheeled it over to Blaine, who flipped a small switch on the side of the table.

"We recovered this from the wreckage of Gelarden's airship." Oak said. "Along with a collection of other technological marvels."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Simply put," Blaine said. "It's a map."

The table lit up as a holographic display rose up. It zoomed in until I could make out the unmistakable outline of the Kan-Jo supercontinent as well as the archipelagos to the south. It pulled back even further, the southern shores of Sinnoh coming into view from the north and Hoenn's archipelago appearing in the east. A number of glowing markers rose from the map, a pair of them instantly drawing my eye.

I pointed at the silvery-blue marker over a pair of islands south of Saffron. "I know those islands," I said. My eyes moved south, looking for another marker over Sevii. It wasn't there, and I scanned the board looking for anything else that might confirm my suspicions.

"As you might suspect given your experience with them," Blaine said quietly. "It tracks the gods."

My eyes widened as I looked over all the markers. There were twelve in all, spread across the region. I found the crimson marker that I suspected to be Moltres south of Indigo Plateau in the Argent mountains, and a pair of violet markers lurking northwest of Cerulean. A lightning yellow marker sat near where the Kanto National Power Plant was and another trio of markers were entwined together in Violet City.

"There are so many," I said. Several of the markers were moving, albeit far off in the wilderness or out in the open ocean. More of the glowing beacons covered the rest of the regions, so many that I could scarcely believe it.

"We live in a world of monsters," Blaine said. "This device helps us keep track of them, and respond to them when necessary."

Oak pointed at the whirl islands and the silver marker there. "This is Lugia, one of our chief concerns over the past twenty years." He pointed over at the pair of markers that circled around an island in Johto's southwestern waters. "These two are Latias and Latios, protectors of the island of Alto Mare."

I pointed at the silver-blue marker south of Fuschia. "And this one is Articuno."

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "You know of the snow bird?"

I pulled up my sleeve and exposed the blue ring branded onto my forearm. "I encountered it after driving Rocket out of a secret base on those islands."

"Interesting," Blaine said quietly. "The second such trainer to be branded in under a month."

"No," Oak replied abruptly. "The third."

"Third?" Blaine asked.

I raised my eyebrow. I knew Riley had received a mark similar to mine from Moltres, but I didn't know that there'd been a third.

"Lance covered it up, but there was an incident at the power plant. Zapdos was freed from captivity and bestowed its mark upon a young woman."

"Does the third oppose Rocket?" Blaine asked.

Oak was silent for a moment, seemingly gauging how much he wanted to say. "I do not know," he finally replied. "She is an unknown."

Oak shook his head. "But that is immaterial." He looked at me. "When we recovered this map, we finally had the means to track Mewtwo." He pointed at the pair of violet markers north of Cerulean. "We suspect one of these markers to be Mewtwo. The other is unknown at the moment."

Oak leaned forward. "Every time we've attempted to move on Mewtwo, it teleports away. We can't even make contact with the creature, let alone actually recapture it." He sighed. "And yet, that is about to change."

Oak pointed to the largest city in Kanto, at the epicentre of civil disturbance that had been wracking the region. There'd been isolated protests against the failing economy of the region and the corruption but they'd been growing to a head in my time away from the mainland.

"Saffron," he said quietly. "The protests, the riots, the lockdowns, all of it is a guise for Rocket's true goal."

It hit me then. "Silph," I stated calmly. "They're after Silph's project."

Blaine looked at me with surprise. "You're smarter than I expected."

"No," I said. I knew my limits. "I just connected the dots. I have a friend in Silph. She mentioned her dad was working on some secret project."

I looked back between the two old men. "Rocket has heavily infiltrated Silph, to the point where they were able to pull capture location data off my pokegear and store a porygon in there to spy on me." I shrugged. "Makes sense that Rocket would be stirring up trouble to cover what they're actually doing within Silph."

"They're going after a pokeball," Oak relied calmly. "An upgraded version of the dark balls you encountered with that Tyranitar's trainer."

"Vicious," I said with a scowl. "I do remember those balls looking weird. He had a whole bandolier of them."

"They were mine," Blaine replied. "Or rather, a bastardization of a few of my inventions. If Giovanni has upgraded the capture matrix, then he could theoretically capture Mewtwo and turn the creature on those who might dare to oppose him."

"Do you think he'd go after Lance?" Blaine asked.

Oak shrugged. "Giovanni is obsessed with control, but he doesn't like being the frontman. He prefers to work behind the scenes. It's why he never challenged Lance for the Champion's throne."

"He's going to," I said suddenly. "If this Mewtwo is as powerful as you say, then he has nothing to fear if he controls it."

Blaine nodded as he came to the same realization. "He'll make his move once he captures it. Likely wipe away the existing Indigo leadership and assume control through the National Congress." He shook his head. "Giovanni's been currying favour with the civilian government for years. I always thought it was just to push more funding his way, but it appears that the corruption serves a more nefarious purpose."

"Gods are waking," Blaine continued. "Hoenn was nearly destroyed less than a month ago, the Storm Trio has been stirred from their slumber… Then there was the disturbances in Kalos and Sinnoh that cannot be explained…" he trailed off. "The gods are waking and Lance is going to be getting desperate for some results. Which means that Giovanni will be desperate too."

"We must move quickly if we are to upend his plans." Oak turned to me. "Do you have an encrypted line to Surge?"

I nodded. "We set it up after Celadon. It should still be good, completely off the Silph network at least."

Blaine nodded. "I'll give Oak a list of actionable targets within the league. You can forward it to Surge. With any luck, it'll delay this upcoming Saffron operation until we can truly combat Rocket."

"I will," I said. "Thank you both for doing the right thing. Maybe you guys started this with the right intentions—"

"But oftentimes, terrible things are done with the right intentions." Blaine shook his head as he struggled to his feet. "I wish you luck, Ranger. You're going to need it."

He turned and hobbled from the room, Damian turning off the map table and following him.

Oak rose from his own chair, glancing down at my tea as he released his alakazam beside us. "Well, we'd best be off."

I got to my feet as well. "So, how much time do we have?"

"Not enough," Oak replied. He placed his hand on his alakazam as he waited for me to do the same. "I will explain everything when we arrive at the lab."

I nodded and reached for the alakazam. The scene shifted and twisted for a brief moment, before we rematerialized in the quiet calm of a place I'd been once before.

"This isn't Pallet," I said cautiously.

"I know," Oak replied. "Unfortunately, there are a great many things I could not reveal in front of Blaine. Things that would change everything." He sighed heavily. "I would be a pariah even amongst the rogues of Rocket if the things that I have done were to come to light."

He turned to me and I caught a mournful look for a long moment. "I would… prefer that you not mention my dealings with Rocket to the boys. Everything I have done is for them and…" he trailed off again. "I would prefer to tell them on my own terms."

I nodded. "I can understand that," I said. I'd delayed and delayed in telling Janine about the promise to her mother, I had no right to judge Oak for harbouring those same feelings.

He strode towards the pair of low slung bungalow we had teleported in front of. There was a white fence ringing a small courtyard in front of the house, with a little fountain splashing away. There were a few small water types frolicking in the fountain. I reached out for horsea as we passed, brushing my hand against its bony crest as it preened for my attention.

A young woman, probably about thirteen or fourteen opened the door of the bungalow on the right. Her brown hair was up in a bun and her sleeveless shirt instantly drew my attention to the lightning yellow mark that wrapped around her wrist. Blaine and Oak had said that Zapdos had marked a trainer. Perhaps this girl was that trainer.

"Amber," Oak said in a cheerful greeting. "It's been too long."

"It's Leaf now," she replied curtly. "Grandfather is tired, but he was expecting you." She glanced over her shoulder and then back at us. "He says that your boys came as advertised."

Oak raised an eyebrow. "The boys are here?" He asked.

She nodded. "Red and Blue both." She turned to look at me and narrowed her gaze as she caught me studying the mark on her wrist. "Fuji doesn't like surprises though. Who is this?"

"This is Ranger Marcus Wright," he replied. "The boys and I can vouch for—"

"I can vouch for myself," I said, interrupting him. I pointed at the mark on her wrist. "I know that to obtain a mark like that, you must be a good and honourable person." I slipped the sleeve of my vacation shirt up my arm and exposed the mark that Articuno had left. "I earned mine when I saved the Lord of Snow."

She raised hers. "And I, when I freed the Lord of Lightning."

I nodded. "Then we understand that we are on the same side?"

She nodded in reply and waved Oak and I inside.

The bungalow was small and cramped, with a large living room dominating the space. There was a small kitchenette and a bathroom secluded on one side of the house and a bedroom on the other. A pair of futon beds had seemingly been hastily pulled into place, Red and Blue sitting as if they had been waiting and expecting us.

Old Doctor Fuji sat in an oversized chair, a large mug weighing heavily in his hand. "Sam," he said.

Oak nodded in greeting. "It's been a while," he said. "I see the boys are taking care of you."

"And then some," the old man replied. "They destroyed an anchor that Rocket placed atop Pokemon Tower, and then took my Amber on a dangerous trip to a power plant." He glanced over at the girl. "One that could have gotten her killed and has irreparably marred my life's work with divine intervention."

"We do not yet know what effect the marks have." Oak gestured to me. "My associate here has been marked himself over a month ago. He reported that Articuno offered assistance in a time of need." Oak looked back at Leaf. "I would imagine that Leaf was given much the same honour."

"Her name is Amber," Fuji said. His face went hard and his voice was cold. "She is Amber."

I glanced at the girl, who looked as though she wanted to jump at the old man. She said nothing though. After a moment, I saw her fists relax and watched as Red's hand found hers.

"Regardless, Red and Blue—"

"Are heartless copies of my work." Fuji struggled to rise, but found the strength to get out of his chair. His bones seemed to creak with the effort and I wondered if he was well. "Do not speak to me of the abominations you and Giovanni thrust upon the world."

Red and Blue both exclaimed loudly at that offence, but Oak silenced them with a raised hand.

"Fuji, I would remind you that these boys saved your life and kept your 'Amber' safe."

Fuji seemed for a moment as if he wanted to argue further, but kept silent. He slowly sank back into his chair. "Then I suppose the boys will be leaving now." He glanced over at them. "Amber and I will be glad to be rid of them."

It was Oak's turn to scowl. "Is that what Leaf wants?" he asked cautiously.

"I told you, her name is—"

"Leaf," she said forcefully. "My name is Leaf. And I do not wish to stay here anymore."

Fuji' shocked expression could have curdled milk. I was surprised that he didn't keel over at the sudden revelation. "You will do as I say, or I will—"

"You will do nothing," Leaf continued. "As you have done every time Rocket pushed your boundaries." She stepped back and proudly took Red's hand. "I will be leaving with them. Whether you accept it or not."

Silence reigned for a long moment. Fuji glowered at the boys, at Leaf, and most of all at Oak. He slowly shook his head and seemed resigned to it.

"Goodbye, grandfather."

She turned and stormed out the door as Oak stepped forward. "It doesn't have to be like this," he said slowly. "You know that you have a place at the lab. No matter what. History does mean something after all."

Fuji remained silent and looked away. Red and Blue slipped out after Leaf, motioning for me to do the same. Oak closed the door behind me.

"So," started Red. "Articuno and Moltres?"

I nodded and pulled back my sleeve. "Articuno branded me just after Koga died, and Moltres branded a Hoennic trainer when we rescued it in Sevii." I glanced over at Leaf, my eyes lingering on the yellow band at her wrist. "How'd you get yours?"

She shrugged. "Right place, right time," she said noncommittally.

Red and Blue both shot her shocked glances. "You're playing that down," Red said. "You were amazing!"

Blue looked back over at me. "Seriously," he started. "She jumped onto the back of Zapdos and rode it out of a collapsing building, while fighting off half a dozen Rockets at once."

She shrugged and I felt a sense that she was uncomfortable with the praise. There was more to this girl with two names than everyone was letting on, but she was clearly one of the good guys if the boys were to be trusted.

For a fleeting moment, I had the thought that this was all an elaborate con to draw me into a trap. But the absurdity of the idea sank that notion immediately. Rocket had far easier ways to get to me and I wasn't that important to begin with

"Sounds impressive," I said, moving on from my doubts. I nodded at her. "three marks, three birds. That has to mean something."

"Or it's just what anyone would have done," she replied bluntly. "Either of you would have done the same thing in that position."

"We weren't in that position though," Red interjected. "we were trapped outside the building because neither of us could keep up with you."

She shifted awkwardly, refusing to meet anyone's eyes as the boys sang her praises.

I smirked knowingly. A somewhat reckless trainer who was uncomfortable with praise and spotlight. Where had I seen that before?

"When I met Articuno, it told me that it would aid me in an hour of need." I met her eyes as she looked up at me. I saw something there, some sort of spark as I mentioned the snow bird. "Moltres said much of the same to Riley when we rescued it. Did Zapdos speak to you at all?"

She nodded. "It promised aid as well," she started. "and told me that we would meet again soon."

I felt a pit in my stomach. A third offer of aid and another ominous warning that the bird would meet its marked soon. "Three warning, three marks…"

"Something is coming," Oak said as he stepped out of the small house. "that much is clear enough. Things are coming to a head and there is little we can do to delay that now."

"Gramps?" asked Blue as he turned to face him. "What do you mean by that?"

Oak released his alakazam in front of the fountain. "We should return to Pallet before speaking," he continued. "I don't entirely trust that Rocket isn't keeping an eye on Fuji's house."

Blue released his own alakazam without prompting. I touched Oak's pokemon as Leaf and the boys mirrored me. We disappeared with a small pop, my stomach twisting with the unfamiliar sensation of teleportation, the smell of a salty sea breeze filling the air a moment later.

"Come," Oak said curtly. "Let's get inside." He massaged his temples as he stepped out in front of us. "Hopefully, Delia will be almost done with lunch."

---

Oak's lab was a chaotic mess. Aides ran to greet him, disappearing back to their work when they realized he was still occupied. The old professor led us through the crowded lab and into the living quarters that were no less crowded with loose papers scrawled with notes and heavy books laying forgotten in piles.

I sat at the cramped table, a platter of sandwiches sitting ignored in front of us. Despite the fact that I'd forgone breakfast this morning, I wasn't hungry. Tense conspiracies tended to have that effect. Given that the boys had dug in the moment they showed, I doubted that they felt the same.

Oak was seated across from me, carefully stirring a tea that had been steeping since we had sat down. He looked up at me and I saw the tension on his face.

"Marcus, I told you before that I would tell you the full story." He glanced over at the boys. "It's time that I told you four everything. I believe that the fate of the world depends on it."

"As I was saying before we left Lavender," Oak started. "things in Kanto are coming to a head." He nodded in my direction. "Marcus' work with the Rangers has ensured that both Fuchsia and Vermillion are set against Rocket, and you two have ridded Lavender and Cerulean of their influence."

I raised an eyebrow. I hadn't known about a Rocket presence in Cerulean. Admittedly, I was not privy to all of Surge's intelligence, but he hadn't mentioned Cerulean at all.

"However, despite these victories Giovanni remains almost untouchable." Oak sighed for a long moment. "As if he was being shielded from the blows we have dealt to Rocket."

"I take it that he was?" I asked.

Oak nodded. "Giovanni, and by extension Rocket itself, are Lance's solution to the question of survival."

He glanced over at the boys and Leaf. "I have told Marcus some of this, earlier today. But, my hands are not entirely clean of this. Before I resigned my post as Champion, we began a project. We were looking for a way to give humanity a fighting chance against the pokemon that we truly had no counter to."

Oak's eyes flitted to Leaf for a brief moment. "We thought cloning could be the solution. We thought that we could enhance one such creature and ensure that it was firmly under our control."

The boys were silent. Leaf squirmed uncomfortably and I wondered how much of this she already knew.

"After several failures, and my resignation from the head of the project, Giovanni succeeded at altering and cloning a Mew, theorized to be the most adaptable of all pokemon due to its dynamic genetic structure." Oak frowned. "Only, he overestimated his control of the creature and it escaped containment, immolating an entire island in the process."

He sighed and I caught him stirring his tea anxiously again. "I… I… failed in my duty as Champion. I resigned and Giovanni was given free reign to recapture the experiment." He shook his head. "It is difficult for me to explain what happened next."

Oak looked down at his tea and stirred it again. "I… we…"

Leaf placed a hand on his arm. "I can tell them," she said quietly. "Fuji… he told me everything."

Oak nodded in response.

Leaf took a breath, steeling herself for what was clearly a tough conversation. "Dr. Fuji specialized his research in human cloning." She frowned. "He called it the next step in medical technology, flash cloning organs to replace failing bodies… only… he was using that research for his own purposes."

She took another deep breath and paused. It hit me, before Leaf even needed to say anything. It just made too much sense. "Fuji's daughter died young. A car crash in Saffron took her life at only twelve years old." Leaf tightened her fists, a far off look in her eyes. "Her name was Amber."

Silence filled the room as the meaning of that sank in. Red and Blue both seemed to realize at the same time what it meant.

"You…" Red started, his face a churning mess of emotion. "you're a clone of the original Amber, aren't you?"

Leaf nodded. "A clone to replace the daughter that Fuji lost."

"It doesn't really change anything," Blue said with a grin. "You're no different than us, no matter how you were born."

She flinched at that comment and looked over at Oak, unsure of how to continue.

He nodded and got to his feet. "It's alright, dear." He put a warm hand on her shoulder. "I can take it from here."

Oak looked down at the two boys, smiling in that calm and serene manner. "You really are much less different from Leaf than you could possibly imagine."

Neither of the boys said a word.

"There was a night, like any other night. I was working late in the lab. Too late, to be entirely honest." He wrinkled his nose. "Agatha always did tell me that I worked too hard." He went cold and his hand fell off Leaf's shoulder. "I got a call, from my son. He told me that his wife was pregnant and he was going to be a father."

Oak looked away, clearly holding back the tears. "He told me to come over and celebrate. He'd bought a few Unovan cigars for the occasion." He looked over at the two boys. "When I got there… both my son and his wife were dead. Giovanni was waiting for me. He was waiting with the two of you." He looked from Red, to Blue and then back again. "He was waiting with a pair of clones, altered… no he used the word perfected, versions of both him and myself."

My shocked expression must have paled in comparison to the boys'. Both Red and Blue had their jaws slack, stunned and shocked fear in their eyes.

"He told me to raise the two of you. That you were our heroes to lead us after he prepared humanity for the future." Oak tried to offer a weak smile of reassurance. "I have done so, instilling a moral code in the both of you that I know means you will do what is right no matter what."

Neither boy said anything. I could hardly blame them. The revelation would have been enough to shock anybody.

"I understand that you both feel betrayed right now. I am sorry that I kept the truth of your origins from you." He looked over at Leaf, who seemed to offer Oak a reassuring nod of her own. "I had no choice but to cooperate after what he did to my son. No choice but to play along as one of Giovanni's puppets." He shook his head now, and I heard his voice swell with resolve. "I see now that there was always a choice. I just made the wrong one."

Red stood suddenly. He refused to meet anyone's eyes and stared blankly at the floor. "I… I need some air." He turned and walked away morose.

Oak opened his mouth as if you say something, but Leaf shook her head. She got up a moment later, following Red out of the lab.

Blue got to his feet as well. "I'm gonna go be alone with my team for a bit," he said. His voice didn't waver, and his eyes were hard. "I'll be back by dinner." He glanced over at me. "And I don't need you following me for some touchy feely shit. I'm ok, I just want some space for a bit."

I nodded. "I won't."

Blue looked over at Oak and then away. He grabbed his bag from the floor beside him and stormed out the door.

The woman from before emerged from the kitchen area. She crossed the kitchen and looked mournfully at the door. "Will they forgive us?" she asked, eyes locked on the door.

Oak didn't answer.

I got to my feet and shouldered my bag. "They'll be back," I said confidently. "because it's the right thing to do."

"That is not the same as forgiving us," the woman said. Tears were forming at the edges of her eyes and I could hear the pain in her statement.

"That it is not, Delia."

I looked between the two and cleared my throat, desperate to change the subject. "I believe that you had a cubone problem," I said. "and I'm eager to meet my new tyrunt."

Oak finally seemed to break out of the funk that had taken over him. He looked over at me and I saw some measure of the radiant calm return to his presence. "Right this way," he replied. "The staff will be eager to see you."

---

Indigo League Classified File #150 — Project Mew-Two

Successor to the failed Mew-One project, Champion Lance Wataru placed Viridian Leader Giovanni Sakai at the head of this project. Much of the original research of the original Mew-One was repurposed, and Dr. Ikiro Fuji was recruited to assist with enhancements to the cloning process.

Mew-Two was intended to be an enhanced clone of the pokemon Mew, whereas the original Mew-One was intended to be an exact replica. 4213 children with the latent psychic gene were submitted as test subjects for the project, with 1672 surviving into the second phase of the experiment and perishing before the third phase could begin. After the expiry of all remaining test subjects, a fresh clone was created that spliced together human and pokemon DNA.

The subject displayed extreme intelligence and clear sentience before the incident that resulted in its release into the wild. Mew-Two displayed violent and psychopathic tendencies from the moment it became self-aware. It immolated the facility it was created in and the island upon which it stood, sparing only Dr. Fuji and a secondary subject (a clone of Fuji's deceased daughter, dubbed "Amber-Two", both have been placed under League surveillance in Lavender).

Recapturing Mew-Two is considered the Indigo League's top priority. However, due to the sensitive nature of Mew-Two's origins, knowledge of this directive is limited to those under the purview of "Team Rocket" and members of the Indigo Elites.

---

Intermediate Trainer KT#07996101

Indigo Ranger Corps, Special Task Group, "Zapdos" Squad,

Corporal SN# 109-512-6591, Marcus Wright, current team:

Luna, Ninetales

Artemis, Aerodactyl

Acolyte, Marowak

Two, Porygon-2

Curie, Chansey

---

Hey, so this is something that I don't normally do. I detest ANs and usually omit them or limit them entirely. But, its been a long while and things have changed for me in my absence.

In October of last year, I was diagnosed with depression. I felt no energy. My work suffered. My personal life suffered. But I was getting a handle on it.

I suffered a concussion in January. It was the 7th concussion that I've had in my life. This one, more than the last few, really affected my personality and mood. I began suffering from severe depression. Medication didn't help, and I went off my meds and began to suffer from withdrawal. I attempted to commit suicide and spent some time in a mental health unit.

Things are different now. I am different. I'm in therapy. I am more serious about my mental health. I am more serious about my physical health.

All that, to lead into… I began writing this story with the vague intention of writing a short journeyfic. Marcus had no name and no personality. He was essentially a player character. But something happened when writing. I poured so much of myself into Marcus and the story. And I accidentally created a character that took on so much personal meaning.

In realizing that the story had grown beyond its original scope, I embarked upon some ambitious revisions to the early parts of this story. Chapter 5 in particular saw a massive expansion. Everything up to the Celadon battle was given at least some revision and I'm incredibly happy with the results. I improved as a writer and the story deserved it.

Thank you all for reading!

 

[canisaries]

Back for an exchange! Here are my thoughts on chapter 2.

If I'd had the money to pay for a teleport back to Cerulean, I would have.

Ooh, a teleport service.

Once, just below the tree line on Mount Moon, we did spot a fearow looking for an easy meal. It soared overhead, effortlessly coasting on massive wings. Luna and I kept quiet in the trees while we waited for it to pass, simply watching the mid-day clouds drift by.

It makes sense to be scared of fearow. A bird of that size wouldn't be a threat to a human in real life, but Pokemon are superpowered.

There weren't many other trainers taking the scenic route this early in the season, which .

Sentence ends abruptly.

knocked loose by the pair of graveller

Graveler, with one L. This spelling kept consistent throughout the chapter

I felt a pit in my stomach as the .

I dug back into my bag and pulled out my compass and.

Sentences end abruptly..

"That man is mad," he said. "lost in the universe and lost in himself.

Missing capital at "lost".

---

General Comments

This chapter goes deeper into what kind of world this is. We see that the wilderness and the Pokemon there are dangerous, and that Pokemon are readily eaten by lower-class humans. I found that the darkness of this was more bearable when I considered the world a dystopia, which shouldn't be too far from the truth based on what I've heard you say.

I enjoyed the clefairy sequence and the peril of it. Part of me wonders what exactly the fairies would have done had they spotted Marcus, but we need our hero alive for the story to continue.

I also liked the interactions between Marcus and Luna. There's that caring relationship that I critizised the first chapter for not having.

The final scene was unfortunately too vague for me to gather anything outside "something is going on". I don't know if you intended for it to be more than that, but I couldn't really grab onto anything tangible to memorize something for the future.

That's it for my thoughts - if you have any questions or you'd like my thoughts on something I didn't specifically comment on, feel free to reply here or on Discord. Until next time!

 

[canisaries]

Hey there! I've been reading more of this fic at work when it's slow. Here are my thoughts on chapters 3 and 4 for our exchange.

I pulled it open, pushing away the morbid thoughts and looking at her through half-shut eyes.

This "it" is pretty far from the word it's referring to ("door"). It could be replaced with "the door" to read better.

to temper the dark unovan blend.

As a demonym, Unovan ought to be capitalized, right?

Caution – Dangerous Wild Pokémon – Ranger Command Cerulean has received multiple credible reports of a nido pack east of Mount Moon. Possible presence of King/Queen, novice trainers take extreme caution– Ranger teams investigating

I like the warnings in this. As there are more of them, you really get the idea that this world is hazardous and dangerous due to Pokemon.

Luna's ears perked up as we stumbled out of the waist high grass and into a small clearing with several small trees, ringed by a wall of waist high grass.

"Waist high grass" is repeated. Add a "more" before the latter one to make it less jarring.

I heard the low rumble of a feral growl and felt the ground shake slightly. It rose from the flames, all purple spikes and armoured plates. Wicked looking spines jutted out from its back. The nidoking flicked its powerful tail back and forth, locking his beady black eyes on me. I felt the earth rumble in response to his growl, like the ground seemed to respond to his displeasure.

The nidoking is built up very nicely. Big monster energy. (Not the drink.)

That said, beady black eyes on a nidoking?

His expression went slack and a simple look overtook his eyes.

I'm not sure what the "simple look" is.

I knew that the moment was now, that Gemma did deserve to know. "I didn't have the help at home. I didn't have help and I had to hide what I was doing, and it got my little sister killed."

It's trauma hour in the bar. Good old survivor's guilt.

"Don't be a sarcastic little shit. Do you know the numbers?."

Stray period.

Something felt wrong with beating a creature that I'm damn sure was at least as smart as I was.

You've been doing cockfights with them this whole time, homes.

I raised the ball and set the auto-return function. It'd return the nidorino if he attempted to flee and got more than thirty feet from me. I tapped the release button, waiting for my newest pokemon to appear.

Ooh. Yeah, that makes sense as a feature a pokeball would have.

I raised an eyebrow with as the thought that I might have already broken the pack mentality by capturing him.

Extraneous "as"?

"You're with us now," I said, fighting the urge to let my feelings overwhelm me. "a member of a new family."

Missing a capital in the latter sentence.

"It's ok," I said quietly.

You want "okay" or "OK".

"Well how did you choose Luna?"

Add comma after "well".

I'd used Thunderbolt it on Pride

Extraneous "it"?

Luna was getting stronger every day, mastering the use of her two TMs almost effortlessly and even beginning to exhibit some rudimentary extrasensory abilities.

I like that teaching your Pokemon a psychic move unlocks psychic abilities! Makes sense.

Pride's training however, was going about as poorly as it could have.

Add comma before "however".

"Get ready," I shouted. "charge another bolt!"

Missing a capital in "charge".

As I finished the last word, the water type burst from the wave pool. She spared high into the air, arcing down towards Pride and leading with her horn. Pride tried to turn, raising his horn in a late attempt to parry the horn attack.

This time, the goldeen's horn struck true. It sank deep into Pride's shoulder and the water type stuck. Pride roared in pain but I knew that the round was done.

Man, the battles are gorier now that they're no longer fighting rock types.

The surf receded and I spotted Luna, sopping wet and covered in sand, but still stubbornly conscious. The starmie was unfocused, concentrating on the enormous amounts of water surging back into the pool.

Luna looked up at me, an expression of complete and utter displeasure on her vulpine face. She was sopping wet, something that I'd only witnessed once when she fell into the pond near my farm.

The fact that Luna is sopping wet is repeated.

---

General Comments

I liked how monstrous and dangerous the nidoking was in its scene. Really hammers in how deadly Pokemon can be in this world.

I also liked the scene where Pride is first let out. It's nice that this violent story still has space for more tender moments.

You really had me going "how's he gonna beat this one" before the Misty battle. Afterwards I have to say I was a little disappointed, but it's only because the first gym battle was so creative and hard to live up to. I think, as a battle, it did its job fine.

That's it for my thoughts on Chapters 3 and 4. I'm actually in Chapter 8 as I'm writing this, so look forward to more reviews soon.

 

[Joshthewriter]

Journey

Death of Duty

Part 6: Secrets and Lies

Dissolution​

---

Unity… cannot last. — Pokemon Idealist, "N"​

---

Acolyte appeared from the flash of red light, hefting his club and looking at me expectantly. Then he let it fall slack at his side, looking around in a small measure of awe.

The cubone enclosure was almost identical to the area that I'd found his colony in. The soft, loose earth of Pallet was replaced by a hard, packed down layer of dirt. Rocks and boulders were strewn around, with a cave hollowed out in the largest of the boulders. More caves dotted the walls of the enclosure.

A few of the cubone peeked out to watch, curious at the newcomer who seemed so familiar. My marowak gazed around at them, the barest traces of tears beginning in his eyes.

"Acolyte," I said, working up the strength to speak. He turned to face me and I felt a sense of calm coming over me. I knew what the right words were. "when we met, you were just a cubone. Your mother entrusted you to me for training."

I looked away, at the cubone that were starting to gather. None of them had come out into the open, but more and more of them had appeared. They were peeking around boulders and out from the mouths of the many caves carved into the walls.

"I'd say that you've surpassed anything in my wildest dreams." I grinned and felt some measure of confidence fill my words. "You've become a powerful warrior and a true friend to me. You have fulfilled your obligations to your trainer and done your mother, and your clan proud."

Acolyte fought back the traces of tears that began to form. He looked around at the cubone, then back at me. I could feel the solemn resolve in his gaze.

"They need you," I continued. "Your family needs you. More than I ever did."

He held up a hand and I went silent. My marowak raised his club and drove it into the earth at his side. He stepped closer, gesturing to my ball belt.

I dropped my hand to my starter's ball. It wasn't easy for Luna to translate from mind to mind, but she'd been experimenting with her abilities since she'd thanked me after her evolution. She could, at the very least, relay a few messages back and forth.

My ninetales lifted her head proudly. She met Acolyte's eyes and I watched as both of them stood transfixed for a moment. Then the link between them seemed to break and both of my team members visibly sagged.

Luna turned towards me as Acolyte steadied himself on his club. I felt the familiar pressure of Luna's mental presence touch my mind, and the strange musical undertones that her presence brought with her.

"Marcus-Trainer has taught well. Acolyte is ready to be not-acolyte. Acolyte is ready to be Acolyte-Trainer for Clan."

I forced the tears to remain hidden. "You'll be a damn good one," I said proudly. "You're smart… you're brave… you're loy—"

He placed a hand on my arm and looked back at Luna. Her presence disappeared for a moment and then returned a few moments later.

"Clan need Acolyte. No sad. Acolyte always Marcus-Clan."

I nodded in reply, choking back a sob. No sad, Acolyte had told me. He deserved a happy farewell. "You're a damn good pokemon," I said as I finally found my voice. "I'm gonna miss you."

My hand dropped to my belt again, opening the remaining two balls. Curie and Artemis coalesced beside me and looked around warily.

"We'll miss you, Acolyte." I reached out and pulled my pokemon in closer. Not even Artemis resisted the hug. "We'll all miss you."

Curie sobbed and abandoned her hug with me, wrapping both arms around Acolyte. Luna curled her tails around him as Artemis snaked her own tail around Acolyte from the other direction. I joined my pokemon, abandoning my stoic façade and joining my team in the crushing hug.

Try as I might, the tears began to fall. My team wasn't used to happy goodbyes. Every one of our losses had been abrupt, violent deaths of beloved family members. For once, we got to say goodbye on our terms.

---

Oak's aide, a man from Sevii named Tracey, led me back from the cubone enclosure, down a pokemon after I handed Acolyte's ball over to one of the staff caring for the cubone. The aide led me around the lab, to another enclosure on the other side of the compound.

"Oak just had him transported in," he began. "He's been trying to get out of the enclosure since we let him out. We thought he'd tire out or learn his lesson, but…"

Tracey's voice trailed off as we climbed the stairs up onto the small platform that let us view the enclosure. I laid my eyes on my newest team member and knew I was in for the toughest task of my training career.

The tyrunt stood just over six feet in height, but stretched at least nine or ten feet from nose to tail. He was an oddity among the clutch, a giant that refused to stop growing. By rights, Vargas had thought he would have evolved by now, but the tyrunt remained a tyrunt.

His muscles were rippling, corded bands that were tensed in preparation. Reptilian eyes found me and lingered with calculated coldness, as though he was working out the best way to reach and kill me. "Seems like you'll have your hands full," the aide said. "He's smart, you can tell by his eyes."

I held the tyrunt's gaze for a long moment. "He's looking for ways to kill us," I replied. "Artemis, my aerodactyl, was the same way before I tamed her."

He looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. "How'd you manage that?" he asked.

"You go through the stomach," I said. "at least, I did with Artemis. Trained her to expect her meals for me." I paused for a moment as I doubted the effectiveness of that approach. "Although, she was mostly past her aversion to humans."

My eyes never left the tyrunt's gaze, and I got the sense that what I'd learned with Artemis would be far less helpful than I was hoping. Vargas' notes had detailed much more inherent aggression than any of his aerodactyl, and in this particular specimen, a desire to establish himself as the monarch of his own. He wanted to be the strongest and he was willing to do whatever it took to achieve that.

I turned to the islander, my mind racing through possible training methods. I had ideas, but I needed to get started so I had a chance to get him under control before I left Pallet. "Mind if I introduce myself?"

He shook his head. "He's all yours," Tracey replied, handing me the tyrunt's ball for the first time. "We don't even need the paddock for another week or two, so you can house him here as long as you need."

I grinned, feeling some confidence as I thought through my nascent plan. "I appreciate that," I said. "Because this might take a few attempts, and I'll need to space them out."

Tracey looked at me with a curious expression. "Mind if I watch?" he asked. "I'd been meaning to make a trip to Sawtooth, but I've just never managed to find the time. I've always wanted to sketch a fossil pokemon."

I shrugged. "Feel free to stick around. I want a look at any sketches of them though."

I raised Artemis' ball and released her on the outside of the paddock. In one smooth motion, I hopped off the viewing platform and onto my aerodactyl's back. I squeezed my heels into her flanks and felt her muscles tense underneath me.

We launched into the sky and I felt a surge of joy as the wind rushed through my hair. So long ago, I'd flown on the back of Gemma's fearow and felt utter terror. Now, flying was nothing but a source of happiness. I'd found my flight stomach, so to speak.

We banked as Artemis cleared the twenty foot fence, and I caught a glimpse of Tracey scrawling away at his sketch pad. I pushed the sight from my mind, resolving to ask about any of the sketches after. I needed my focus on the present.

Artemis swooped low and flared her wings. I slipped off her back and landed in front of my newest pokemon, praying that he wouldn't gut me without hesitation. I released Luna and Curie at my sides as Artemis banked back around and landed heavily behind me. With a third flash of light, Two appeared in front of me. I needed my team with me, needed to make an impression on the tyrunt that I was the one in charge.

Vargas' notes mentioned that he had displayed an understanding of human language, even if he had no inclination to listen. So I launched into an introduction.

"My name is—"

He launched into action, clawed feet carving furrows into the earth as he flung himself into action. He was charging straight for me with intent to kill.

I sighed as I raised his ball and returned him before he could close the gap. Of course this was going to be more difficult than I had first expected it to be. I quickly set the ball's release function to place him on the other end of the paddock and glanced around at my team.

"Luna," I started. "Get ready to pin him in place."

The tyrunt appeared a few moments later, facing the opposite wall. He looked around for me, snarling in frustration. Reptilian eyes settled on me and again I could see him working out exactly how to kill me.

Luna's eyes flashed with violet light and the tyrunt levitated off the ground by a few inches. He scrabbled with his clawed feet, but Luna lifted him just off. She shot me a sideways glance, as if to ask if I was satisfied.

"Artemis, show him his place in the pack."

She let out a feral growl and launched into motion. The tyrunt snarled and snapped, but Artemis hit him from above and tossed him with a swing of her tail. He slammed into the fence of the paddock and landed heavily on his feet.

Two shot forward, a reflective panel of glowing light slamming the tyrunt from the side. He was thrown across the paddock, flipping end over end and crashing to a painful halt. He slowly rose to his feet, clearly pained by the beat down he'd just received.

"Can you read him?" I asked Luna.

I saw the psychic energy billow around her, and wondered for a brief moment why she was considered a pure fire type. She could naturally use some ghost techniques as well as many psychic and fire ones, even a few stranger types if TM's were brought into play. I pushed the thought away, focusing on the task at hand.

"He is angry," came Luna's voice, as her mind touched mind. It was still difficult to communicate directly with words, but it was becoming somewhat easier. It still usually left me exhausted with a migraine, but I could tolerate short conversations. "Intelligent and savage by nature. He craves strength but was embarrassed in battle."

"Make sure he understands me," I said to my starter. "Because this'll go bad real quick if I'm wrong."

She shot me a long look, but then turned her attention to the tyrunt. I saw him stiffen and watched his eyes race between the five targets in front of him.

"Curie, I need an egg."

My chansey tried to whine in protest. I shot her a curt glance. I knew she didn't like our new team member's aggressive behaviour, but I needed her help to calm that aggression and win him over.

"An egg," I repeated. "this'll work. I promise."

She pulled and egg from her pouch and passed it to me. She had a sour look, but didn't make another sound.

"Thank you," I said. I nodded a thanks and turned to my newest pokemon. "We got this, Curie."

I stepped toward the tyrunt. His eyes stopped darting between the five of us and focused solely on me. I saw his mind racing, much like my own when I was in a bad situation.

"You want to be strong," I said, quickly forming a rough idea of my new pokemon's identity. "you are strong. But you could be stronger. You could evolve, become like Empress."

I glanced over at Luna, who nodded in confirmation. "We are strong because we fight together." I held out the egg and drew my knife. With a quick motion I sliced the top of the egg off and placed it carefully on the ground in front of me. "Fight with us and become stronger."

I stepped back and whistled for Luna. "Let him go," I said, my eyes never leaving the tyrunt. "Two, be ready if he attacks."

I took another step. His eyes glanced down at the egg and quickly back up to me. He be opened his jaws and hissed, lowering his head as he crouched. Artemis roared and the tyrunt paused for a moment. I stepped back again.

He launched, ignoring the egg and leaping up to pounce on me. The large claw on each foot extended to gut me with the opening attack.

Two's barrier slammed into the tyrunt and swatted him into the dirt. He rolled with the motion and came to his feet as Artemis hit him from the side and pinned him to the ground.

I sighed as my aerodactyl roared directly into the tyrunt's ear. This was going to be harder than I thought.

---

Oak lifted the pan off of the stove and poured the stir-fry mix into the waiting bowl. Delia was waiting, absconding with the bowl to the table. He turned off the burner and placed the pan into the sink as Delia put the bowl on the table and began distributing it to the waiting plates.

"Will the boys be joining us tonight?" Delia asked with a clear sadness in her voice. She paused, holding a full spoonful of the stir-fry over the fourth plate.

The boys hadn't been seen since Oak's big reveal. I'd spent the last few days training and trying to get a handle on Savage. It wasn't progressing half as well as I'd hoped, but at least he had stopped trying to kill me on sight.

Oak shook his head in response to her question and sat heavily in his chair. "I haven't heard from them, Delia."

She lowered the spoon and put it back into the bowl. Delia said nothing further, but looked intently at her food as she slid into her seat.

"Has Surge contacted you yet?" Oak asked. "I need to speak with him, warn him about Saffron."

I shook my head, picking up my fork. "Still nothing," I said. "I'm getting worried at this point. He should have at least returned my message by now."

Oak sighed heavily. "We aren't going to have much time. If—"

My pokegear blared angry tones at me. I pulled it out and flipped it open, the screen was already blaring a warning at me.

EMERGENCY ALERT — ARMED CONFLICT IN SAFFRON CITY. ALL CIVILIANS MUST CLEAR AREA. INDIGO NATIONAL ARMY DEPLOYED IN RESPONSE. INDIGO RANGERS DEPLOYED IN RESPONSE. ALL CIVILIAN TRAINERS ARE URGED TO STAY AWAY.

I looked up at Oak. "I guess that's why he hasn't answered." I went silent, realizing how pale he was going. "Professor?" I asked cautiously. "Are you alright?"

"We need to move. Quickly."

I looked down at the plate and shoveled a bite into my mouth. I wasn't likely to get a chance to eat until this was over, and I was going to need something to keep me going.

Movement at the door drew our attention. The boys were panting, as though they'd run to get back after getting the alert.

"Boys," Delia exclaimed. "You're—"

"We have to go," Oak said. "Right now, to Viridian." He rose from his seat. "If Rocket is making their play, then Viridian is empty and we won't have a better chance."

"I'm sorry, but we have to go to Saff—"

"No," Oak said with a hard voice, interrupting me. "We need to go now. Viridian will be empty. There is something that we need."

Both boys looked at him in silence. Neither protested. Leaf, standing behind them, didn't make a noise either.

"We go. We go now and we can still get to Saffron in time."

I couldn't help the nagging doubt in the back of my mind. We needed to get to Saffron, to stop Giovanni from getting his hand on the prototype ball. "Professor, I don't know. Time is of the essence here, if Giovanni—"

"Time is indeed of the essence. We will never have a chance at getting into Giovanni's lair like this, never have another shot at this."

I shook my head. "Oak, you gotta convince me. What's so important that it results in us delaying our arrival at Saffron?"

"I…" he trailed off and I caught the troubled look in his eyes. "It would be… far easier to simply show you."

Leaf and the boys didn't interject in the argument, simply watching as I cast doubt on the Professor. "That's not a lot to go on," I said. "I need something that can justify delaying us helping at Saffron."

He sighed. "You've come this far on faith, Marcus. One more step, what's one more step?"

"Oftentimes, the last step is the step too far."

We stared at each other for a long, tense moment. Nobody dared to speak. Oak held my gaze intently and neither the boys nor Leaf could tear themselves away.

"Fine," I said brusquely. Oak had placed faith in me by telling me what he had. I'd returned that trust by believing him and promising to help him turn Giovanni's plans against himself. "Viridian first, then Saffron."

---

We popped into existence directly in front of the Viridian Gym, the long shadows cast by the setting sun casting jagged lines on the Gym's face. Karen and Will flanked our small group, with Will's xatu and gardevoir spreading out after aiding in our group teleportation.

"Break it down," Oak ordered.

The front doors of the gym tore off their hinges and spun off into the loose earth of the gardens in front of the gym. No attention came to us, and I felt a sense of unease. The Viridian Gym was in a busy part of town, it should not have been as deserted as it was right now. I slipped my sidearm from its holster and felt the familiar weight in my hand.

"Move in, find Giovanni's office." Oak continued, unperturbed by the deserted street. "It should be on the second level."

Karen and Will disappeared with separate pops. Red and Blue disappeared a half-moment later with Leaf in tow, leaving Oak and I alone in front of the gym. I glanced at him. "It's empty, just like you said."

He nodded. "Giovanni's probably pulled just about everyone into his operation. If there is anyone in there, it'll only be a few people on the lower levels. Likely a couple support staff if anything."

"What is this place?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Rocket's base of operations. Or, more accurately, Giovanni's personal base."

I raised my eyebrow, but didn't ask anything else. Karen and Will appeared a half second later, both of the psychics reaching out for one of us. We disappeared with a small pop and reappeared in a darkened room with an oversized desk overlooking the city. The evening sun sat heavy over the skyline of Viridian, almost set for the night.

Oak sighed and shook his head. "Always the one for theatrics," he said in a knowing tone. He reached under the desk, tapping the secret button underneath. "Has to be the most insufferable prick he can be."

The bookshelf on the wall split open and slid apart, revealing a stark grey metal door.

"Giovanni has a love for dramatics," Oak said with some small measure of exasperation. "which extends to everything he does. A very select few people even know if this secret bunker's existence, of which I am not supposed to be one. If I'm right…"

I shot him a hard look. I wanted to trust Oak, but the constant deceptions and omissions of key information was making it hard. "If?" I asked incredulously.

He didn't answer, pressing the button on the elevator. It opened silently and Oak answered me with a confident glance.

We piled into the elevator, none of us speaking a word. It closed as Oak pressed the sole button on the panel. We trundled down into the earth, leaving the surface behind as the last vestiges of natural evening sunlight was replaced by harsh fluorescent lights.

"What is this?" Red asked, as we descended further into the earth. "You called it a bunker… a bunker for what?"

Oak sighed and the frown on his face told me that he was reluctant to reveal much. "It's more than that," he said calmly. "It was built to survive anything, so he stashed him here to make sure he was safe and hidden."

"Stashed who here?" I asked, taking over from Red's questioning. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The elevator ground to a halt and we all turned to face the only path. We'd arrived at a hallway that led to a lonely metal door with an obviously heavy lock in the centre of the door. There was only a single line of fluorescent tubes on the ceiling, leading to the lonely door.

"This is a prison," Oak said. "holding one of the most dangerous beings ever encountered on this earth."

He crossed the hallway and opened the door. The lock released easily and I had the terrified realization that it hadn't required any sort of key or combination. It was designed only to keep the door from opening from the inside.

Oak pushed open the door and stepped through.

I stepped through behind him, training my pistol on the young man seated at the table. He grinned and pulled a wide brimmed cap over his messy mop of jet black hair. He wasn't much older than myself, but I could see a world weary experience in his eyes.

"Well," he said with his gaze settling on Oak. "I was wondering if I'd ever see you again."

"Boys," Oak began with a scowl. "Meet Ash Ketchum, of Pallet Town." He folded his arms across his chest as the rest of us filed in after him.

"Who?" asked Blue. "I thought I knew everyone in Pallet,"

"You do," the man replied. "I'm just not from your Pallet."

I raised an eyebrow and glanced from the man to Oak. I wasn't the only one, Karen and Will mirrored me.

"I suppose that another explanation is in order," Oak said with an amused tone. He glanced over at Ash. "This man is not of this universe, but from another world much like our own."

"Did we walk into a bad sci-fi flick?" Blue asked incredulously. "Parallel universes?"

"Just over a year ago, Giovanni discovered and experimented with a being known as Hoopa." Oak's scowl deepened. "The creature was capable of opening portals to other worlds. Giovanni laid waste to the Kalosian Rivière using gods summoned by Hoopa." He turned and gestured to Ash. "He was transported to this universe as a byproduct of Giovanni's experiments."

Oak sighed and shook his head as he continued. "I had theorized on the possibility when I was younger, but the idea… I dismissed it as ludicrous. There was no way to even begin to test the theory."

"And then he found a way."

I turned and looked at Ash. The venom he had put into that word made it obvious who he was referring to. "Did you fight him?" I asked.

"Two of him," Ash replied. "once in my world… and then again here."

"Did you win?" I asked. Hope stirred in my chest. Perhaps this man was the answer.

Ash Ketchum turned to look at me. His face was thin and gaunt. I saw the pain and loss, the resignation in his soul. "No," he replied. "He always wins."

I glanced over at Leaf and the boys. Each of them wore the same forlorn expression. Karen and Will were slightly harder to read, but I saw a flicker of doubt cross the mercenaries' faces.

"We can beat him," I said calmly, trying to take charge of the tone. "we have the element of surprise." My gaze turned to Oak and I caught a glimpse of something akin to pride in his eyes. "But that doesn't matter if we don't stop him from getting his hands on that ball."

"We go to Saffron now," I continued. "to end Giovanni for good. If he falls, Rocket falls with him. They're a disparate network of barely connected cells. Giovanni is what holds it all together. If he goes, it all goes."

"He stopped me," Ash said suddenly and forcefully. "Me, who was chosen by the divine and fated to be the saviour of my world. He will—"

"No," I said, interrupting him. "he didn't stop you. You're still alive. You're still here." I turned back to the boys and I saw the clear similarity between Ash and Red. I knew then that there was truth in what he had been saying. He was Red, just a little different than the boy from Pallet was. "And you're going to help us stop him."

"How do you propose this?" he replied coldly. "My team is gone, my power absent in this universe. I am a shadow of what I once was. I am not the hero you seek."

Red stepped forward. "No, you aren't. But if you're the hero of your own story, then this can't be the end for you."

Ash glanced up at him.

"If it's not the end of you, then you're going to get through this. That gives me hope." He smiled warmly and I felt a radiant calm. "Hope that we can stop Giovanni."

I'd never seen this side of Red, only ever viewed him as a less cocksure version of Blue. The boy seemed to radiate the same hope that he spoke about now. He commanded the attention of everyone in the room. I saw the Champion that Giovanni had envisioned in the boy. A flicker of doubt crossed my mind, wondering why Giovanni would create a foe seemingly fated to destroy him.

"You're all going to die," Ash said morosely. "but I'll go with you." His eyes flitted to Red. "At least for a bit of conversation," he said quietly.

Oak grinned as the raven haired man got to his feet and strapped the skarmory feather blade to his hip. "Onwards, then. To certain death."

He strode from the room as if he hadn't been imprisoned within it, leading our group to the elevator. We piled in after him.

"So…" Blue started with an amused grin. "the multiverse exists?"

Ash nodded solemnly. "It does."

"So, since you're pretty clearly an alternate version of my friend here," Blue continued, gesturing to Red. "did you happen to know anybody that would have been me?"

"Yeah," Ash replied curtly. "He was an asshole."

Blue smirked. "That tracks," he said smartly.

"I'm pretty sure I knew a version of all of you," Ash continued. He looked over at me. "Except for you."

"I'm not important," I said. "Just a Ranger who was in the right place at the right time."

"Screw that," Blue interjected. "Certified badass over here fought Giovanni to a standstill with us. He's just being an embarrassed shit."

I let myself grin at the cocky young Oak. "I didn't know that you were capable of compliments."

Blue smiled mareepishly. "I am capable of being nice. I just choose not to be most of the time."

Oak coughed to interrupt him. "Are you—"

The elevator doors opened and I realized in a moment's breath that it had all been a trap. A dozen barrels were levelled with the elevator door, waiting for them to open. Whether Oak had been a willing participant or not, he'd led us into an ambush.

Will saved us in an instant. There was a flash of violet light as the dozen or so men waiting for us opened fire. His arm was up and his face was twisted into a grimace of effort.

Automatic weapons unloaded a wall of lead into the elevator. It would have been enough to kill us all a dozen times over. Will stopped every bullet in mid-air.

It felt like an eternity with the muzzle flashes flashing in our faces. Then it was over, and the Rocket grunts were staring at us in abject terror.

Will's eyes opened. They were a brilliant violet, blazing with psychic power. He cast his power out at the grunts with a wordless cry, spraying the room with all the collected bullets.

The closest of the grunts came to pieces under the barrage. I willfully ignored the gore and viscera painting the office as I forced myself out of the elevator behind Karen.

Karen vaulted over Giovanni's pockmarked desk, kicking one of the surviving grunts in the jaw. She came down on him with her blade, burying it up to the hilt in the man's shoulder.

I raised my sidearm, firing twice and gunning down the grunt that attempted to strike Karen from the side. He crumpled, holding his chest and gurgling for air.

I scanned the room as Karen dispatched the last surviving Rocket grunt. It was a bloody mess, the walls pockmarked with the bullets Will had returned to the Rockets. Giovanni's office looked like a warzone now.

Will staggered out of the elevator, head clasped in his hands. "That… hurt."

Karen wiped her blade off and sheathed it. She vaulted over the desk again, producing an energy

"He knew we would be coming," Oak said quietly. I could hear the fear in his voice. "he knew and he let us steal into his bunker anyways." He shook his head. "I don't…"

"Does he have enough men to hit Pallet?" I asked, my mind going to the obvious. "He lured you here and away from your lab. He could have hit the lab while it was undefended."

Red sucked in a sharp breath and seemed to deflate with that realization. "Mom…" he said. He glanced at Oak and then me. "We have to go now."

"Saffron," I said forcefully. "we need to go to Saffron. We need to stop—"

"No," Oak said. "You go."

"This isn't a conversation, Oak," I said. "you said it yourself. We go to Saffron after we hit Giovanni's gym."

"My mom is there," Red said, seemingly regaining some of the fire he'd spoken to Ash with. "and so are Tracey, Daisy and half a dozen other aides along with our pokemon." He looked over at Blue for support. "We need to help them."

"Take Will and Karen to Saffron," Oak said, taking over the conversation. "We'll catch up with you once we make sure Pallet is safe. Right now, we don't have any other choices. Too many lives in Pallet, some of them your pokemon's, depend on our return."

I stared in hesitation. Acolyte was there, Savage too. He was right, but we didn't have the option of dividing our firepower. "Professor…" I said, letting disappointment creep into my tone. "Splitting up… it's just going to get people killed."

Oak sighed with all of his world-weariness on display. "People are going to die no matter what, Marcus. It's a fact of war. This is it, we are well and truly at war." He scowled and reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. "Go to Saffron, Ranger. We will join you soon."

I kept silent for a moment. Every moment wasted more time. Every moment meant Giovanni was closer to his goal. I made the decision then. "Give me Leaf," I said. "Leaf comes with me to Saffron." I looked over at her, my mind lingering on the lightning yellow band wrapping her wrist.

Oak glanced over at her with a questioning glance. "Will you?" he asked.

She nodded. Her hand tightened around Red's and I felt my heart quicken. I'd be separating a young couple with no guarantee that they'd reunite. Red returned the squeeze of her hand before they separated.

"Then it's decided," Oak said with finality. He released his alakazam and Blue did the same. "Good luck, everyone. Gods know we're going to need it."

He disappeared with Ash and the boys in a pair of pops.

Karen, Will and Leaf looked at me expectantly. Like I knew what I was doing. I felt my heart pounding and let the false bravado that Blue had instilled in me swell up.

"Alright," I said as Will released a xatu and his regal gardevoir. "Saffron is under attack. We have no idea what we're walking into, so we're going to teleport outside the city and make contact with any Ranger forces in the area."

"Aren't we supposed to be killing Giovanni?" Karen asked. "We should teleport directly into the city and hit them from within."

"We'd never get more than a street without drawing every Rocket for blocks." I shook my head. "No, we need support. We need more firepower, more than my little pistol can provide." I flipped open my pokegear and tabbed over to the phone. "We need Surge."

---

Indigo League Classified File #693 – Ash Ketchum of "Pallet Town"

During Giovanni Sakai's experimentation with the creature known as "Hoopa", a man was transported into a location secured against all known manners of teleportation. He proceeded to attempt battle against the Rocket personnel within the facility before he was subdued and imprisoned beneath the Viridian Gym.

Giovanni claims the man to be from a parallel universe to our own. "Ash" appears to fully believe this claim, however no tangible proof could be found, only circumstantial conjecture. The subject seems to be delusional, believing himself to possess Aura powers (which have repeatedly been proven nonexistent by various scientific authorities) and naming himself "Arceus' Chosen".

Irregularities were found within the subject's genetic makeup unlike any ever recorded. He possesses an expanded parietal cortex, similar to that of powerful psychics, however the effect appears to heavily exaggerated in the subject.

Further exhaustive study discovered minute differences in the measurable background radiation when measured near the subject. This radiological signature matches to one of the seven distinct signatures recorded by Gideon Parker and Giovanni Sakai during their experiments.

In absence of more concrete methods to prove the subject's origin, he has been remanded to Giovanni's custody and placed under observation beneath the Viridian Gym.

During his captivity, the subject has displayed a voracious appetite for historical and mythological knowledge, recounting his numerous interactions with gods and legends, resembling many of their own appearances throughout our history. Most of these events are not public knowledge and have been redacted from official sources.

---

Intermediate Trainer KT#07996101

Indigo Ranger Corps, Special Task Group, "Zapdos" Squad,

Corporal SN# 109-512-6591, Marcus Wright, current team:

Luna, Ninetales

Artemis, Aerodactyl

Two, Porygon-2

Curie, Chansey

Savage, Tyrunt

---

AN: I revised chapters 10-27 with some new content and tweaks based off feedback I'd received. Nothing huge, but Marcus now wields a firearm once he joins the Rangers. Other tweaks revolve around ensuring that emotional weight remains throughout.

If you want more about this Ash/the Multiverse, then check out my profile (specifically "What We Do For Our Children, Nightmare, and The Hero, From Another Story")