Pokémon Journey

[canisaries]

Hey there! It's been a long, long time since my last review, but I did some recapping from my notes and I believe I remember enough not to be lost. Also, I actually already read and took notes of this chapter (8) way back, but didn't get around to reviewing, so that works as additional recap for me. Either way, let's get to it.

They'd lost their mother. I didn't know about any of the other marowak, but I had a sinking feeling that none of them had made it onto that chopper. I wasn't going to just release them. That would be a death sentence out here. Without a marowak to lead them, they didn't stand a chance in the wild. And as selfish as it was, I didn't want to let Acolyte go so early. I reasoned to myself that he wasn't ready to lead yet. I knew the selfish truth behind that lie. I just didn't want to lose my newest pokemon.

It's a bit odd that it's established that he selfishly didn't want to let Acolyte go, then stated that he reasoned that Acolyte wasn't ready to lead yet (unselfish reason), and then said again that the truth was actually selfish, which we already knew. Repetition isn't necessarily a problem, but it reads strangely when it comes across as an attempt to say something new to the audience despite it already being established.

Very minor thing, by the way, if you didn't notice, but I think it could make the sequence run a little more smoothly.

The elder professor sighed and I heard a long pause. "I was afraid of this day," he said. "It is not a happy day to lose a pokemon. How is he managing?"

"I'm not really sure, sir. I was injured in the incident and he left shortly after we arrived in Lavender. He hasn't really said anything about it."

Oak sighed heavily through the phone. "So much like his father, internalizing everything." I heard him mumble under his breath and couldn't make out the words. "Well, in any case, thank you. If there's anything I can do to help you at this time, please let me know."

Another minor thing in the same vein - sighing happens twice in quick succession, and I would have had it be acknowledged by saying "sighed again". That does get rid of the "heavily", but it can also be changed into "Oak sighed again ('through the phone' seems like an unnecessary addition), more heavily this time".

I left that place, only pausing to look back once. Blue was still standing there, looking down at the marker. A boy in a red training jacket and hat had joined him, both of them staring down at the marker in silence. I turned back, leaving the grieving trainers behind.

OMG THERE HE IS

"Please, Acolyte," I begged. "Please don't.

Missing ending quote.

He backed off, but kept his cold gaze on me. "Bah, this is why I don't work with other divisions. You're all a bunch of softhearted shits. No spine when it comes time to put the screws to your mark"

Missing period (or exclamation point, possibly) at the end of the quote.

---

As a person, I was happy to see the cubone crisis solved quickly, but as a reader, it felt pretty quick and convenient. This and the fact that the pickup was given "screentime" actually made me think that the person picking them up was working for Rocket, and I kept this impression up until it seemed to be deconfirmed by Vicious and Domino. Of course, it's still possible that it's a faction of Rocket they don't know about or another team entirely, but I'm taking their statement at face value for now. I do think that even then there actually isn't any problem in the dramatic structure, since we see that Marcus handing off the cubone continued to be relevant and had negative consequences for him, so it makes sense for the handoff to be written out, as it makes the reader remember it better.

I really liked the exchange between Marcus and Blue. I thought it was quite emotional, and it's cool that Marcus' kindness sort of gets "rewarded" with the moon stone, not that I think anyone should only be nice to people in hope of rewards - it's just a nice turn of events.

The Surge scene also changes up the playing field in an exciting way - someone other than Marcus now knows about the extortion, and it's a powerful ally.

That's it for my thoughts this time around, I think! Good luck writing onward, and see you around.