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Goolix

Pokémon Trainer
Partners
  1. porygon
Been a minute, but I am here for Chapter 5!

But… I killed her. Shouldn't I be back? Looking around, everything is still muted, hazy… dreamlike. If killing her is not the way back, then what…

...is my face… drying?

It feels… crusty, ugh. And cool. Cold. A layer of something is forming onto it. Solidifying. Is it...

Oh Gods. I gotta open my mouth before --

“Mmphh!”

It's too late! My mouth, my nostrils - they're sealed shut!

When I read the end of the story, where Joanna had possessed him again, it felt out of nowhere. Like, didn't he exorcise her? But here, it seems that she did last at least a little beyond the exorcism.

Something gleams on the floor. Shards. Golden. Of the mask? Must be. It broke on my face. That was that impact I felt. What caused that? What caused this whole thing? Was this… was this just transition to reality? I… I guess. I mean, the shift to the spiritual plane or whatever it was also had me nearly suffocating, only fitting that...

A sizzle. The shards. They've caught fire. White fire, the same that took Joanna. Does that mean it's ending? Truly ending this time? Yes. Yes! Burn!
The mask, disappearing - the exorcism is finally reaching its end.
It really is over now.
That's what you think. :copyka:
I catch my reflection in the mirror and study it further. I’m tall. My shoulders, wide, while my waist is narrow… a silhouette so masculine, yet so graceful. And look at that pretty face, pretty hair! By the Gods, I’m beautiful! No wonder HE chose me! I’m perfect!
A funny little moment of Red going full Narcissus on himself and thinking "yasss queen serving handsome snatched man goodness".
I turn to Michi. She’s so small. Afraid. And I'm so not that. The contrast is almost tangible.
Another instance of him insisting he's nothing like her even as he can't help but constantly compare himself to her.
After I've drugged her and carved the seal… this'll all be over. I'll just go home and - well, I will perform that exorcism just in case, but besides that… nothing more. I'll return to my boring life and be right where I started. Nothing gained from this adventure, only a danger patched up.
Red's life is currently
FregYiGWwAI6rwp.jpg

She nods, and for the first time in a while, a spark of hope ignites in her eyes. So she still has some of that in her. May it fuel her and guide her way in these dense woods.
And there again we have it. She's nothing like me, but she's admirable, and a little like me, but she's weak and we're not alike, but but but...
Little feet, little body, so frail. A sparkless pichu, its usually rosy cheeks pale with fear. Too light to even make audible noise as its tiny paws tap the ground, when the houndoom’s thumps can be felt to the bone.
A Pichu with no electrical power is truly about as pitiful as one can get.
But houndoom don’t have hands, do they?

They don’t. Then why are there hands? Wasn’t it supposed to be teeth around her neck, not hands? Wasn’t she supposed to be a fuzzy little pichu?

She’s not. She’s human. I’m human.

Wait --
Ah, being human forces Red to deal with the moment and reality.
But I will have to make one anyway - I can't let her live, not with those marks on her neck. I have to dispose of her body. I just… have to find some spot open enough for the circle to fit, first. And I better make sure she doesn't wake up in the meantime and needlessly complicate things…
What happened to your promise, Red? You promised you wouldn't hurt her and you just wanted to have some fun. And now you're going to send her to the shadow realm?
I pull back the sleeve of her left arm. Her wrist is so thin, her arm so dainty, her skin so pure… but force of habit makes me swipe it a few times anyway.
Swipe, like making sure nothing is dirty?
He really is flowing into me. He really is merging his body with mine. I’m going to… have HIM inside me, fully. HE will conquer every blood vessel, every cell’s cytoplasm. HE will… saturate me. I will become one with HIM. I will inherit HIS power. HIS control over everything. Anything material and anything immaterial. Existence. My existence. I can become what I want. I can think and feel how I want. I can banish any pain, any dread, any sorrow. I can feel euphoria unimaginable by any mortal. And… and I will never have to die.
It is interesting that he thinks he won't die, and yet he is fantasizing about his destruction at the hands of HIM. He wants his identity replaced.
The only thing I'll miss - no, I won't miss anything after I've ascended. What I hate to give up now, while corporeal sensations still matter, is this moment.
I wonder what it is he will miss.
Oh. No. I understand now. It wasn't real. None of it was.

Later in the story Red experiences a series of hallucinations. I think you said that this one was partially real? But I'm not sure. I thought it was fake the first time I read it.

I look at Michi over my shoulder. Yeah, I was like her. I sought adventure, experiences, mysteries… and every day I would learn something new. Each dawn had promise, and the world was full of possibilities.

But now I'm an adult and I know that what I am and what the world is don't mesh. I can't go to school, I can't get a job - I learned that years ago, and what happened at the supermarket today undeniably only highlights that. So all I can do is wait. Spend each day sitting at home, slowly drowning in the lack of things to do.
It is sad to think of Red as a child.
The psychiatrist. Could she possibly...

No, no, no! You can’t let anyone know. Are you honestly naive enough to believe them when they say what’s discussed is confidential? If you told that psychologist how much you want to cut people open and play with their organs, you’d be dragged over to the nuthouse before nightfall. In what world would a society of caterpie willingly keep a spearow around?
I mean, he's got a point. I don't think you can tell a mental health professional about your plans to cut people open without being reported as a safety concern.
Faced with another dead end, I open my eyes and let the features of the sky take over my mind for a change. The pleasant blue, the tufts of white, the invisible wind they drift around on…

It’s strange how calm they make me.
Nature remains an important thing for him - something that reminds him he is part of this world and this present moment.

. It stifles our progress in service of made up moralities, rules that no god truly enforces.
Thank goodness Nietzsche does not exist in his world. I can't imagine what he would be like if he were high not just on Helix but on weird interpretations of philosophy.
And if I have the freedom to choose how I think, why couldn’t I choose to drop the emotions that harm me and keep the emotions that give me strength? Peace, joy, relief… an existence knowing only these feelings can't be that bad to live.
Mind over matter! Except there's a limit to the power of the mind being it itself is made of matter. I suppose he could train himself for years to get to a point where he can truly control himself and all his sensations... but I don't think he can also engage in bloodlust while doing so.
I guess this corporeal form is one thing I can be happy about. Not only did I luck out on my genes, I’ve brought out their full potential with diligent training.
He works out a lot?

So this is an important chapter! Unexpectedly, Michi's stay in this has been cut short. I'm not sure Red really expected that to happen either. He has some conflicting urges in this chapter - he wants to be free and embody this predator concept, but he also wants to control his emotions. Freedom and control aren't necessarily at odds, but the way he wants it would require him to choose what he wants. He didn't plan to kill Michi - things got out of control and he became paranoid that someone would find her bruised and somehow lead it back to him. He's lucky that he has Helixian seals on his side. I am surprised he didn't do the memory seal on her, but I imagine that he must be very paranoid about being found for, you know, murder. As he himself says, he doesn't have much to look forward to without the fantasy of the kill! And he must know what he's doing is quite risky. Predators aren't known for being coy about the bodies they leave.

Still, it is sad to see. The one person he found who he could even begin to relate to, he zapped out of existence. He creates the conditions for his own ongoing isolation because of his, well, fill in the blanks - depression? Desire for self-annihilation? Wish to live forever? And his search for forever leads him to forsake the present moment, his adult life, the people he could try to connect to.
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Premium
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
  6. omanyte
  7. hizzap
  8. malamar
  9. canis-kitkin
When I read the end of the story, where Joanna had possessed him again, it felt out of nowhere. Like, didn't he exorcise her? But here, it seems that she did last at least a little beyond the exorcism.
It sounds like a stretch, but the idea is that, from the point of Red putting on the mask, Joanna gained the ability to give Red hallucinations (which ghosts have kind of semi-control over, being able to prompt them and then the host's mind coloring in the blanks save for the parts the ghost explicitly changes), and she managed to hide herself and create a fake illusory body for Red to kill instead of her, and the rest is theatrics to make Red think he was successful. She does do a weirdly good job for a first-timer, but well, story's gotta happen.

Later in the story Red experiences a series of hallucinations. I think you said that this one was partially real? But I'm not sure. I thought it was fake the first time I read it.
Oh, yeah, this one is actually fake. I forgot about this when I said HELIX was real - Red is correct in thinking HELIX's powers don't have enough range to reach him here, so it couldn't have been HIM. What actually causes this, though, could be Joanna, or it could be homebrew psychosis, or it could be a combination. When I first wrote this in 2017 these details weren't extremely important to me, so I've kinda had to manage them after-the-fact. Hell, there used to be a scene in the first version where Red creates his own illusion of torturing Joanna's brother to rile Joanna up, but I removed it because it was gratuitous, not even thinking about how it didn't make sense worldbuilding wise.

He works out a lot?
He does mention having a daily routine in Chapter 1 that involves exercise. The Helixians were kinda gymbros on top of everything else they were, obsessed with strength and survival of the fittest and all that. That, and I needed an in-universe excuse for why I always draw Red so muscular. :p

Thanks for the review! You are most definitely among the most analytical of my readers, and it's wonderful to read.
 

Goolix

Pokémon Trainer
Partners
  1. porygon
It is time... for Chapter 6. The beginning of Red's recursive nightmares! Geez, Joanna, you're doing the most, huh?

I lick my teeth. Sharp, conical.
I know that Dragonair must eat, but it's unpleasant to imagine it with a mouth... I do like the imagery here of Dragonair as a powerful sea snake. I do feel like it would be very muscular.
the aura in my jewels… ugh, phrasing.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
So, I feel like I've missed something in Pokemon fandom - why does everyone refer to 'aura'? Is this a commonly recognized term for power?
Eyes wide as plates stare back. Eyes I know, framed by blue arms and a spiral shell.

What’s He doing here? It’s not safe out here. If any predator found Him, He’d stand no chance.

A predator like… me.

So I should...

I should. I have no reason not to. I should --
Oh? Are you telling me you have connections to this world and you're not some detached predator? But would you really kill him?

I don't remember if Joanna just triggers nightmares or if she has influence over the content, but it's interesting that in this, his first dream, he has to come face to face with both his fantasy of being an idealized predator and the reality that that would mean hurting someone he loves.

Well, anyway… it looks like the metal fencing around the area is rather high and equipped with a spiked tips, making it between extremely difficult and impossible to climb over. I don’t want to accidentally neuter myself, so I keep looking for a gate, but just can’t seem to find one…
As he enters the next dream, the focus shifts from his underlying concerns about the
I nod to the man, and we exchange positions. I can see more people’s faces now. A lot of pale folk. This really is a Western funeral. Or… wait.

That young Tohjoan guy in the front row, with the long face and short black hair, isn’t that… oh Gods.

This isn’t any relative’s funeral. This is Joanna’s funeral.
I'm curious about the characterization that the Western funeral has "pale" folk since most of the images for the Kanto and Johto denizens show lighter skin. Is the idea that Westerners are particularly fair compared to people from Kanto/Johto?
“So, uhh...” Not like that, dumbass! You’re not holding a presentation in front of your classmates, you’re calming a herd of angry tauros pawing at the ground!
:mewlulz: I am wheezing at the idea of starting a speech for a funeral like an underprepared college student.
“She was a bright young woman, independent, supportive of her friends and family…” I try to remember some real life example that I’d witnessed while stalking her, but the only thing I can think of at the moment is her lying on the floor eating cheese snacks while watching some weird, weird anime on her TV. Uhh.
:copyka: You're one to judge, my lad! I'm certain her taste in weird anime was exemplary.
Every nerve blaring at the brain of the hell brought upon the body, unobstructed by any other signals as I go blind and deaf.
The first time I read this I parsed it as "every nerve blaring at the brain of the hell brought upon the body." Re-reading, I think it's meant to be "every nerve blaring at the brain [about] the hell..."
Finding men’s clothes turns out to be easy - not because there’s many of them, but because there aren’t that many clothes in the first place. I suppose it makes sense for my mother to have taken most of the clothes she uses to where she actually lives. How she’s managed to fit them all in that apartment is beyond me.

Either way, this confirms that she lived together with my father for some amount of time, which in turn means she knows his identity and how he exited the picture but just refuses to tell me. The presence of these clothes would primarily suggest his death, but it’s also possible for the breakup to have been so stormy that he decided going back for his clothes wasn’t worth it. But then she would have also had a reason to keep them. Maybe she wanted to sell them and never got around to it or guessed correctly that I would grow into them.

Let’s not kid ourselves, though. He’s probably dead, a box of ashes and bones in the ground. Which is a shame - I would’ve liked to know which of my traits I inherited from him. There’s a possibility he was a predator, too, a very clever one at that to be able to manipulate my mother into a relationship and having a child with him. I haven’t felt that need to spread my genes myself, but I hear it’s very common, and it only makes sense when thinking from a biological standpoint.
Well, that's sad. Even though he's allegedly happy he's not like other people, he's constructing this fantasy that his father was someone like him. It's like how he allows himself to relate to Michi before killing her. Clearly he doesn't relate much to his mom, who is only described as a relational figure and a hoarder of clothes.
My widow’s peak is exposed. More like widowmaker’s peak… is what I would say, had I ever killed married men.
We need Red to STOP killing people and START killing crowds... with comedy.
It sounds like the smart thing to do, but the thought of walking around without anything to defend me sends shivers all around my body. What if I accidentally piss off someone bigger and stronger than me? A group of people? Someone with a weapon of his own? I could end up dead. Or get seriously injured in a way that disqualifies me from the position of Bringer.
It's interesting how he's paranoid about interacting with people because he's afraid they're going to hurt him. Even though he acts
Nobody’s there. The beach is empty. This, of course, makes sense very quickly as I remember that it’s the morning of a weekday.
It's hard to remember these things when you're unemployed.
an RK9 unit.
Nice pun!
What every mother would want their son to act like. I hate him, hate him, hate him.
What will he do now? Will he get mad? He has to get mad. I insulted his entire world view, trivialized it to animal worship. Go on. Get mad. Escalate this. Show me how your rage overtakes your senses. Show me the evil within that you deny --

He sighs. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Oh my Gods. Oh my Gods. He really just pulled the ‘bigger man’ shit. I hate him. I hate him so much. Kill. Kill him. Knife. The hilt is cool to the touch.
And we have his complex feelings about other people on display here! He's afraid that other people are going to hurt him, so much so he brings a knife with him, but he also wants to provoke them to feel in control, and to feel that he's able to read others. But he completely misreads the Samson and gets angry at a pretty benign non-response. It's not even like the crying baby in the supermarket where there's an understandably upsetting stimulus. He's mad that he's not mad. (Not to mention the implied competition that this is the kind of son a mother would like, whereas he believes he is not. The killing is pretty bad, but being depressed and alienated is not his fault.)
And I do not want to apologize to an Arcean. If anything, they should apologize to me. For what, I’m not sure, but they should.
:mewlulz: His pettiness knows no bounds.

We're getting into some of the trippier stuff in this chapter with the dreams within dreams! His inner conflict really comes through here, and especially his fear. He's trying to find some kind of place in this world while he's waiting for his prize. Even if the reason isn't positive, him trying to go out in public and interact with another person is a sign of him reaching out to the outside world. He's also got his sense of comedy, which is present throughout the fic, but he's really dropping zingers in this one. On a second reading, his desire to get some control in his life comes through. He's still a killer and he still doesn't really relate to anyone, but I kind of root for him to get better! (He won't be for a while though :unquag:)
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Premium
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
  6. omanyte
  7. hizzap
  8. malamar
  9. canis-kitkin
So, I feel like I've missed something in Pokemon fandom - why does everyone refer to 'aura'? Is this a commonly recognized term for power?
Oh, yeah, it's basically what people use for the magic that explains how Pokémon moves work. This particular reference, though, I should remove, as I've since chosen a different meaning for "aura" in the HHverse. Thanks for catching it!

I'm curious about the characterization that the Western funeral has "pale" folk since most of the images for the Kanto and Johto denizens show lighter skin. Is the idea that Westerners are particularly fair compared to people from Kanto/Johto?
Another thing I can explain... you see, when I first wrote this in like 2017, I had this idea in my head that Japanese people don't refer to people as black or white (which I've since found out they apparently do), so I felt like I had to come up with another word for "white". Realistically, though, Tohjoans (Kantoans+Johtoans) don't have a remarkable difference in skin tone to the ones referred to as "pale" from Tohjoan viewpoints in the HHverse (or I would have been drawing everyone wrong), so it's literally just a word-replacement for "white". I've been contemplating changing it with the pro being that people aren't confused or get the wrong idea and the con just being... I'm lazy.

:copyka: You're one to judge, my lad! I'm certain her taste in weird anime was exemplary.
Fun fact: the anime I was thinking of when I wrote this was Jojo!

As he enters the next dream, the focus shifts from his underlying concerns about the
It's interesting how he's paranoid about interacting with people because he's afraid they're going to hurt him. Even though he acts
It seems like some of your comments were left incomplete? (Happens, tbh.)

We're getting into some of the trippier stuff in this chapter with the dreams within dreams! His inner conflict really comes through here, and especially his fear. He's trying to find some kind of place in this world while he's waiting for his prize. Even if the reason isn't positive, him trying to go out in public and interact with another person is a sign of him reaching out to the outside world. He's also got his sense of comedy, which is present throughout the fic, but he's really dropping zingers in this one. On a second reading, his desire to get some control in his life comes through. He's still a killer and he still doesn't really relate to anyone, but I kind of root for him to get better! (He won't be for a while though :unquag:)
I'm super glad that you're rooting for him to get better tbh! It is the intended experience, although I know it's a hard ask for a lot of people to look at this person and wish for anything except death upon them.

Thanks for the review!
 

Goolix

Pokémon Trainer
Partners
  1. porygon
It seems like some of your comments were left incomplete? (Happens, tbh.)
WOW this is what I get for writing at night with a headache. Let's fix that:
Well, anyway… it looks like the metal fencing around the area is rather high and equipped with a spiked tips, making it between extremely difficult and impossible to climb over. I don’t want to accidentally neuter myself, so I keep looking for a gate, but just can’t seem to find one…
As he enters the next dream, the focus shifts from his underlying concerns about the consequences of being a predator to his fear of being found out. He's literally trapped within this funeral (and nobody else can presumably can get in - not even to rescue him). I also just feel like public speaking is something he'd hate. For one, most people hate it, but also, he knows he's not great at socializing. And it's dangerously close to getting caught. He may be a self-described predator, but he's not stupid, and giving an extemporaneous speech like this is really pushing it. And because it's a dream, of course his murder reveals itself - but curiously, through Michi.

I'm intrigued by the next part, where he wakes up and then sees himself all skinless and deformed from the coffin. I'm guessing this is a continuation of dream logic, though you could view it as a fear that the consequences of what he did will follow him? It's also him coming to terms with "huh, just had back-to-back dreams," introducing that. And then pulling the rug and going "surprise! this one's also a dream!"

canisaries said:
It sounds like the smart thing to do, but the thought of walking around without anything to defend me sends shivers all around my body. What if I accidentally piss off someone bigger and stronger than me? A group of people? Someone with a weapon of his own? I could end up dead. Or get seriously injured in a way that disqualifies me from the position of Bringer.
It's interesting how he's paranoid about interacting with people because he's afraid they're going to hurt him. Well, his fantasy is that he's sort of a hunter. He's not a brute going around broadcasting sheer strength to everyone. His self-image is based around disguise. He likes to think that everyone else is a sheep, yet here he clearly doesn't see other people as docile. They're threats who could be carrying weapons. Unless he lives in a dangerous part of town (and it sounds like he does not), this sounds like a massive projection. Either he's secretly afraid there are more people like him in the world than he thinks, or he's afraid that he's not actually as strong as he thinks he is and that other people could easily hurt him. It's a very revealing thought from him, placing him in an inferior and vulnerable position unless he has a weapon.

Well, the fantasy of being the stalker does have something to it - he feels like he has to hide. Even though he is swole and carries a knife, he doesn't feel like he can just walk around town and own it. He's not effortlessly radiating power and control. His power is always hidden, only able to emerge when he's far from people, like hunting Michi in the woods. He's dangerous, but he lacks confidence around people, and needs to set up highly specific circumstances to get what he wants from them (for him, it's killing, but, you know, in general he's not really some master manipulator).
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
okay so the prologue. i knew what kind of story this was going to be within like the first paragraph because of the breathing and the confusion and the blood but what i didnt expect was to be inside this guys head while hes... happy about it? like hes waking up covered in someone elses blood and viscera and his reaction is essentially "oh wow HE took over!! ascension is near!!" and then he just. starts cataloguing the body like hes at a museum.

Red, pink, yellow, gray, purple, dark green. A flesh-tinted rainbow nested in her ventral cavity.

ogshh this was very visceral, and he knows what the different parts of the internal body parts and which means this isnt his first time looking at a persons insides. the clinical detail is just... how he sees bodies dude

then the tongue thing and the jars- this dude has been collecting trophies and hes bummed he doesnt get one this time because HE ate it. the priorities here are so fucked up and so specific to this character

chapter one tho. chapter one is where i went oh okay this is doing something more complicated than just serial killer pov.

Should I pick the bad brand? Would that be a good way to show I don't care about the mon? No - wouldn't that mean I do care, if I care enough to pick the wrong one on purpose?

THE SHRIMP CAN. this man is standing in a grocery aisle having an entire crisis because if he picks the brand Helix likes that means he still loves Helix and if he picks the brand Helix hates that ALSO means he loves Helix because he cared enough to be spiteful about it. so he grabs a third brand that costs more because at least it doesnt mean anything. but it does?? because hes clearly thinking about Helix the entire time which is the whole problem??? you cant outsmart caring about someone this way and watching him try is both funny and sad and a little pathetic honestly.

so this builds and builds and the baby is crying and hes getting contemptuous about weak humans and domesticated mareep and then suddenly hes stroking his knife handle and the prose shifts into this almost... ecstatic thing about chasing people into aisles and painting the rainbow red and i genuinely did not know if he was going to do it. even knowing theres a whole fic after this and i was like oh is this like, how BAD its gonna go?

but then and its over. no dramatic snap back to reality, no big moment of clarity, just... oh. hes at the checkout. man, i wonder if he has issues!

"Yeah. I'm alive."

Michis got a switchblade and aura powers and ghost friends and shes twelve?? and honestly shes fun but im a little wary of how competent she is this early. the "youre not my mom"/"im alive" exchange is where she flinches for the first time and thats the Michi i want more of. when shes just confidently handling everything she reads a little too... smooth? i guess? the moments where she doesnt have a ready answer are more interesting to me.

the Him/HIM thing took me a second but once it clicked i started tracking every single pronoun correction Red makes and its like... you can watch him losing the fight in real time. especially in the grocery store. He, it, He, IT IT IT. hes so desperate to stop caring about this omanyte and he just. cant. the omanyte doesnt even know any of this is happening which makes it worse somehow?

the yamask having Joannas face at the end of chapter one is such a good hook. this man has spent his whole day trying to maintain control over basically everything in his life and then the universe goes "hey remember that woman you killed? shes a ghost now. good luck :)"

i wonder if the yamask is actually going to remember being Joanna or if thats going to be a slow thing. Michi asked its name and it didnt answer which could mean it doesnt remember OR it just cant talk well enough yet. either way Red is already planning to kill it which is wild because... how do you kill a ghost. hes going to the library to find out which is somehow the funniest and most unhinged sentence ive typed today.

Red is awful and i kind of cant stop reading him?? the yamask situation has me wanting to keep going so. yeah. gonna keep going. :3
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
this man has killed eight people and eaten their flesh and he cannot touch a spider. he sits there in the therapists waiting room giving himself a whole pep talk about being the Bringer and apex predator and then smashes it and immediately wipes his hand on his jeans like a kid who just touched something gross in the school cafeteria. its kinda surreal but funny.

dr.marsh letting Red lie about still being in school and then catching him is so funny! she let him dig and then pulled the floor out. Red walks into this appointment thinking hes the smartest person in the room and shes already ahead of him. i really hope she comes back because Red keeps underestimating people who are paying closer attention than he thinks.

and then she asks about Helix and Red just. leaves. yeah doc hes great. hes doing wonderful. :)

I raise my other hand, take aim, imagine the collision with the creature's fragile body…

...no. It wouldn't be right.

It wouldn't be right to break those feathers, bend them funny, ruin that perfect array of quills.

the pidgey. this thing lands on his arm, says "fuck you" at him (the fact that some kid taught it that, which is a delightful detail), and Red cant hurt it. not because hes squeamish, not because he has a conscience- because its too pretty. it's so interesting, so pokemon are pretty but spiders aren't, and he cant kill them, but he can kill humans. though, its a little erm. i can imagine. complicated :)

Red framing the entire kidnapping as theater- the curtain rises, calling Michi his antagonist, casting himself as the lead- okay so this is doing something specific right? because its not just that hes enjoying himself. hes narrating himself enjoying himself. hes an audience to his own performance. and when he pins Michi down hes genuinely ecstatic about it and then he carries her through the woods making one-sided small talk she cant answer and sniffs her temple as a joke and... my guy. my dude. you are carrying a bound and drugged twelve year old through a forest. there is no version of this where im just kidding! im not that weird lands.

the monologue in the cabin where Red tells Joanna about HELIX- i think this is the loneliest moment in the fic so far? the only people he can talk to about who he really is are people who wont survive the conversation.

the mask fusing to his face and suffocating him and him having to cut a breathing hole with his knife- okay that was visceral. but what i actually want to talk about is what happens after, when Joanna becomes corporeal and Red kills her. because the narration goes into this almost... rapturous mode?? "the black smoke enveloping those guts tears like wrapping paper. thats what it is. a present." hes unwrapping her. and then its just "no more. it has been done." and everything stops.

but IS she gone?? Red thinks every problem he has is solved right up until it isnt. grocery store. therapy. Michi kicking him after he already had her subdued. this feels too clean and i dont trust it. i hope im right.

also Michi is still duct taped to a bench in that cabin with a guy whos riding the high of a fresh kill so thats... not great for her :(
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Premium
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
  6. omanyte
  7. hizzap
  8. malamar
  9. canis-kitkin
Thank you so much @rimly for giving this story a shot! I'm super stoked that you're enjoying it and noticing all the details I've put in. Hope you'll have a good time with the rest!
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
YEA! im having a fun time reading :3

Red frames the chase as a gift. hes so generous!! giving a bound twelve year old a head start before he hunts her through the woods! what a sport!! and then the narration shifts into houndoom mode and hes counting down meters and shes a pichu and its almost thrilling until... man, and hes back. shes unconscious under him. red marks on her neck shaped like his fingers.

the supermarket was him choosing not to act. this is him not knowing hes acting. he dissociated into a fantasy and almost killed a child without realizing he was doing it. and his first thought after isnt horror at what he almost did, its annoyance that he forgot his bag at the cabin. priorities!!

him drinking her blood... not because of the gore exactly but because the writing commits so completely to Reds enjoyment that you feel it WITH him and thats deeply uncomfortable. hes having a spiritual experience. with a childs wrist in his mouth. the fact that i can tell hes sincere makes it worse somehow??

AS IF YOU WOULD EVER BE ENOUGH.

everything before this line is warmth. tenderness. Kohath stroking Reds cheek, taking his hand, light flowing through his veins. Red thinking about how he'll never have to be afraid again, never have to hide, never have to die.

and Reds reaction is to curl up on the ground hugging his shins. like a child. gravel digging into his fists. crying. thinking about how hes been telling himself for months and what if its for nothing and what if hes insane and what if theres just the void. this is the most vulnerable hes been in the entire story and it happens thirty seconds after he drank a childs blood. the timing is so cruel because you cant feel sorry for him. you shouldnt. i kind of do anyway and i hate that?? just a little??

and THEN. after all that. he hesitates at the edge of the disintegration circle to grab a lock of Michis hair. RED. you strangled her and bled her and now youre sentimental about it?? the trophy instinct kicking in even while hes having an existential crisis. this guy.

chapter 6. the dragonair dream where he finds Helix hiding in a cave and. cant. even in a dream where hes a different species with every predator instinct screaming EAT, he cant do it. and HELIXs voice starts looping trying to override what is clearly just love. you cant kill it Red!! give up!!

the funeral nightmare is effective but runs a little long for me- the white suit, the bloody hair in the pocket, the crowd turning, the coffin with needles- each beat works on its own but there are a lot of them before we get to the payoff. i think it could be tighter without losing the dread. the fake wakeup after though where he pulls his own heart out and leaves it in the sink and goes back to bed??

Red deciding to do exposure therapy on himself by dressing up and going to the beach to practice being normal might be the funniest thing in this fic. serial killer who cant use the internet, who quit school because he wanted to kill his classmates, putting on his dead dads shirt and combing his hair and smiling at the mirror. and then going to chat up a cop!! on purpose!! for practice!!

hes standing there with Ronnie having a pleasant conversation about a TV show while internally planning how hed rip her intestines out the gap between who Red is and who Red is pretending to be has never been wider and watching him hold it together is tense. dude is!!!!! very normal!

and then Samson shows up wearing an Arcean pendant and Red lasts about forty-five seconds before snapping LOL, SO MUCH for the gentleman act lmao. and Samsons response?? the fact that Red almost pulls his knife because Samson wont fight back. thats so revealing- Red needs people to be aggressive so he feels justified. genuine kindness is the one thing he has absolutely no idea what to do with.

curious about Samson because Red is already fixated on hating him and every time Red fixates on someone in this story it becomes a problem for him. hrm. :3 curious where itll go next!
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
He's replacing you.

No, no, shut up. We already went over this with the Shirlee fiasco. He's not -- it's not replacing me.

Helix brought a friend home. and Red cant be in the building for it. cant even stay long enough to eat dinner. has to invent a reason to leave. collapses against the front door the second its shut. this man would rather go back to the supermarket where he almost committed mass murder YESTERDAY than share a house with a happy omanyte. because the omanyte being happy without him is worse than anything the supermarket could do to him. thats where we are.

I don't want to eat wheat. I don't want to eat plant matter. But I'm still hungry. I want something. What do I --

A salty, metallic flavor invades my consciousness.

this is the moment that scared me most in chapter 7 and its not even a horror scene. Reds standing in front of pastries and his body wont let him want them. the hunger is for something specific now and it isnt food. licking blood off his own chapped lips and going "thats exactly it, thats what i want." the predator stuff has been metaphorical this whole time and now its becoming literal and involuntary and Red cant stop it. hes bargaining with his own appetite.

the store clerk catching him with both hands down his pants trying to wipe off hallucinated blood-- what the clerk says tho about hands in pants is funny as hell LOL, but wow, Red has just experienced what he believes was a mass murder he committed and his biggest problem right now is a guy who thinks hes a pervert. the gap between whats actually happening and what Red thinks is happening has gotten so wide its slapstick.

"If you think I'm going to give up killing just because of a few nightmares, you really don't know me," I murmur. "So let me set the record straight, once and for all."

chapter 7. Red goes lucid in a nightmare and his first move is to set the stage. literally. raises a full moon. creates a forest. turns to Michi and says this line while sprouting claws through his fingertips. hes a director AND the lead AND the monster AND the audience all at once. and he eats her. swallows her whole. goes back to bed smiling. thats what peace looks like to him. thats his version of a warm glass of milk. a twelve year old dissolving in his dream-stomach. i dont know what to do with that information honestly.

but it doesnt work!! Michi keeps coming back!! cofagrigus, iron maiden, spider monster- his subconscious keeps putting him on trial and he keeps eating the judge and the judge keeps showing up again. you cant digest guilt Red even in a lucid dream apparently!!

"I can just go to Him."

It.

Right. "It."

I freeze.

The blood drains from my face.

this might be my favorite moment in the whole fic. the entire therapy session has been a chess match and Red has been losing pieces for twenty minutes and recovering every time and then he just. says it. out loud. by accident. and tries to correct it and the correction is WORSE. two words and you can hear the sound of every wall hes built in this room collapsing and its really fun.

"I just really, really don't like spiders and there's a couple in here and they're stressing me out, especially since they're making it so hard for me to act normal which I need to do because in actuality, I'm --"

No.

No, what did you just say?

and THEN he does it AGAIN. babbling his way and he almost finishes a sentence that would end everything. "in actuality im--" the dash is doing so much work there. what was the next word gonna be?? a psycho? dangerous? not human? we never find out because Red catches himself but the damage is done. Honestly i thought he might kill the good doctor here.

And replaying it all back, I remember kneeling before the fall. I remember raising my hands, raising them to my arms and face, scratching. I remember screaming. I remember the exact moment HE stopped existing to me.

this line ends Red as the Bringer. not the spider hallucination itself but this quiet moment after where hes lying on a clean white floor and replaying what happened and he remembers the exact second he stopped thinking about HELIX. the god he based his entire existence around just... left. because spiders were on his legs. imaginary spiders. and everything he told himself about being an apex predator, about being worthy, about being different from the mareep- its all answered by a guy crying on a hospital floor because he got scared of bugs.

the stranger who finds him and leads him out without asking anything. Red following silently like a pastor boy. hm! normal!

"YOUR PITIFUL BODY IS NO DIFFERENT FROM A BIRD-PECKED CARCASS TO ME!"

every murder, every ritual, the daily training, the loneliness, the omanyte heartbreak- and helixs response to all of it is you were never worth anything to me, you suck. and then turning Reds feet into mareep hooves so the man who spent fourteen chapters calling everyone else sheep gets to run from his own metaphor.

"I'm gonna cure myself."

after three chapters of escalating hallucinations and breakdowns Red has arrived at the mask come off scene and the terrifying thing is that from his perspective this is the first RATIONAL decision hes made in days. hes finally identified the problem and has a solution. the solution just happens to involve a paring knife and his own temple. is this the most sane or most insane hes been?? im wondering if this story is gonna end with him doing something insane to appease his god, although im unsure of what else it could be. he's already killed and done everything else, been mutated and gored and messed up. whats next? i wonder how far this spiral goes, it feels like we're in the endgame now.
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
MADE YOU
LOOK.

And a drawing of a dick.

Joanna is carving messages into Reds palm from inside his brain. and Red tells himself not to look. and then looks. and its a dick. this woman was ritually murdered and butchered and shes drawing dicks on her killer from inside his skull. the absolute PETTINESS of the afterlife. i laughed so hard at this

YOU ALWAYS
DENY THIS.

YOU KEEP
CONVINCING
YOURSELF.

shes been inside his head watching him rebuild the same belief over and over. she knows the pattern better than he does. she knows he'll list his evidence and calm down and go right back to it. and he DOES. but theres this half-second where the argument almost lands and Red has to actively shove it down and that flicker is doing more to undermine HELIX than any hallucination shes thrown at him!!!

god but like...... Red is forgetting what hes doing mid-walk. arriving places and going "wait why am i here." his short term memory is swiss cheese and he doesnt notice because noticing is the thing being taken. by the time hes at the cabin foaming at the mouth tearing apart mattresses looking for a girl who might already be dead you realize this has been going on for a while. hes been running on fumes and didnt know it.

"Ichiro Akai killed me," it repeats. "Joanna Murata."

a pidgey said that. a PIDGEY. whether Joanna actually used Reds mouth to teach local birds his confession or whether this is another hallucination doesnt even matter because either way Red is crouched in a forest carving into his own palm with a knife. hes using his body as a hard drive because the software is compromised. his ghost keeps deleting his vocabulary so he stores it in flesh. and it WORKS. for now. but the image of a serial killer on his knees in the dirt scratching letters into his hand because he cant trust his own brain to hold a word. where else does this story even go from here.

chapter 11.

"Y-yes," he manages to get out.

Samson. of ALL the people. god,,, Red has him holding a book open to a blank page while counting down to murder him and Samson just. does it. this poor guy,,,

"The sick fantasies you have!" she shouts, gagging on her voice. "They've started to… feel good!"

god, shes choosing dying... again??? over becoming someone who enjoys violence. hes so alone that a woman begging to die rather than become like him briefly reads to him as... company? kinship? and Joanna can HEAR that thought. because shes in his head. god.

"Yep," Joanna says, floating up closer. "They've got you now."

the cops were real the entire time, man i wasnt even sure if they were too LOL

every single time Red said the cops are fake and went back to counting. every time he told himself Joanna was faking it. they were right there. actually watching him hold a knife to a mans throat. she didnt need to frame him. she just needed him to stop trusting his own eyes

and Red STILL tries??? like? god, when the fight just... leaves him. wow! okay so, hes finally caught and i am wondering whats gonna happen next cus theres a few more chapters to go! im curious how this is gonna end up? are we going to trial? insanity plea deal? or does he escape?
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
But my arms aren't there. My legs aren't there. Nothing below my neck is there. Where has it all gone?

you know, i dont think cops dont take people to Arcean chapels to strap them to sacrificial boards. but Red doesnt know that and watching him live through it for real while i know hes probably thrashing on a hospital bed somewhere is... augh.

but the ending. the beast left him behind and the predator identity he built his entire life around literally separated from him and walked away. its like, some aliens stuff.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can't keep track of the blackness anymore, but what would be the point? Whether slow or fast, it'll still come.

I go back. Back several days, weeks, months, years. I go back to that moment when the men in lab coats first handed it to me, that beautiful thing.

aaughh, its the omanyte. hes finally letting himself use the pronoun because hes dying and it doesnt matter and the last thing he wants to feel is the one thing he spent the whole story trying to kill in himself.

"three words so simple, yet so hard to even think."

and the chapter cuts. he doesnt finish. maybe he says it and we dont get to hear. maybe he cant even now. either way it made me go 'daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn'

chapter 13.

"We… attempted a non-lethal exorcism," he sighs, "but due to unexpected complications, the yamask didn't survive."

the exorcism already happened. offscreen. Joanna is dead for real and Red cant even feel relieved because he doesnt trust any of this. this man has been so thoroughly mindfucked that a hospital room feels like a trap. im a little sad though we didnt get to see a little more of what happened though, its kinda offscreened and im just wondering what happens next.

"I'm just glad you're okay now."

Red literally cannot process someone being kind to him without motive. everyone else in this story Red can read- Marsh is trying to catch him, Joanna is trying to destroy him, Abe is trying to fix him. Samson is just... glad hes okay. like damn, Samson is kinder then me i would not.

Red walking out of a police station because possession victim protection laws mean they cant hold him?? which is wild, like, who then gets punished if anything? is he just getting off? whats the follow through- like... this just happens and oh we cant do anything which... what about the famlies, the people? anything?

I lift my left arm behind me. Abe can't see the bandage.

and then the nightmareeee, yeesh. theres a one shot after this too that ill knock out before i keep going.
 

JFought

Sloooowly writing...
Location
HCL
Pronouns
they/them
Partners
  1. jfought-sword
  2. jfought-blue
  3. deerling-summer
  4. charmeleon
  5. vulpix
  6. monferno
  7. herdier-oscar
  8. swoobat-benigno
  9. purrloin
Hi, I’m here from Catnip! I’ve had my eye on this fic ever since you first posted it to Serebii, and with that said, I think it’s time for me to out myself. I’m familiar with this version of Red, not through osmosis, but because my first exposure to your work was through the art and comics you used to post to the TPP subreddit back in 2015/16. I joined TPP at the tail end of Red, made my first inputs in Crystal (so I have the purple 2 badge on the channel), and I stuck with the community all the way up to the Prism playthrough (with a little bit of occasional lurking for about a year afterwards). Which is to say, I know the characters, and I will get the references, so don’t worry about that! ^^; Of course, it’s also been about a decade since those days, so a lot of my memories are a bit hazy, but I do remember your takes on some of these characters, and I’m interested to formally familiarize myself with them in fic form.

Anyway, I read four chapters for Catnip, so let’s get to it!

Thoughts from the Prologue to Chapter 3:
  • I decided to read both prologues, and I liked both for what they were! I feel both had their own particular strengths in what they established, and considering how lurid the first one is I think it was a good call to give options and make those options distinct enough to where you can read both and not feel like you wasted your time. Though if I had to choose one that I preferred, I think I liked the first one more. It had a lot of very strong and striking imagery that really works as an introduction to Red’s character, and I found the exposition felt a little more natural there too, since it’s more grounded in the scene, as opposed to just having it explained in abstract by Red. But to still give the second one credit, I liked how it introduced Red’s magical knowhow. The tension with the Murkrow was well-handled, and the concrete establishment of the magic here gives better context to the mentions of it later, which is something that is somewhat missed in the first prologue.
  • If I remember one thing from some of your comics, it’s that I like your interpretation of Abe. And I still like him! I like the way you’ve taken some of the popular interpretations of him and really juxtaposed them against your Red. And specifically I like how he acts as a sort of morality pet for Red here, trying his best to reform him (even as he’s unaware of just how low his brother has sunk) and being super wholesome the whole time. Like I dunno, I think he’s adorable, I like him and I like all the descriptions of him too. I also like the appearance of Fonz here, even if he's a bit minor, and the imagery of baby Helix going to school is genuinely adorable.
  • The scene in the supermarket was interesting to me. Red’s so convinced that he’s different and better than all these Mareeple who don’t act because they don’t want to look bad and starts fantasizing about what he should do… Only to not act because he doesn’t want to look bad :P. Of course, he believes other people’s reasons for participating in Society are weak and stupid while his are Profound and Purposeful. But the end result is still the same, and his inability to see the irony in that speaks a lot to his character, I feel. It reminded me of a short indie animation I stumbled across a few months ago that played on the wolf/sheep metaphor literally, where the wolf thinks he’s unique as the wolf, but in performing as a sheep in essence becomes a sheep himself (followed by the twist that everyone is a “wolf” and there never were any sheep, he just perceived them as sheep because he thought he was different from them).
  • Speaking of Red, his first person narration comes across strong in this fic. It does a good job, I think, of balancing the menacing aspects of Red’s character with the more pathetic ones, while also mixing in some good dark humor. There’s so many well-placed little moments here: his conflicted feelings about Helix, his gripes with what he perceives as the “moral decay” of the world, his attempts to seem stoic even when he clearly struggles with it, his fear of death and difficulty relating to other people, and all his paranoid worrying about Joanna. There’s a lot of contradictions and nuance within those contradictions and they make for a great and consistently interesting POV to follow.
  • I found I don’t have much to say about Chapter 2 that hasn’t already been said in other reviews, but I like Michi and I am invested in the presentation of the conflict here. I think it was a good decision to have Red get sus thrown on him so early here -- it sets Michi up well as a hero antagonist and makes it clear that killing Joanna again won’t be as easy as he thinks. And with Joanna’s memories still up in the air, I’m interested to see how the conflict develops!
  • Yes, Abe had thought ahead. He knew he was small and dainty, that he would have no chance of forcing me out of the house and into a cab by himself. But he knew a slaking would, and what do you know, his friend happened to know one.
    The slaking grins. "You got it, kid."

    "Thanks so much, Joe. I owe you one."
    …DJ Stalin? Is this a cameo from the FireRed run?
  • The details of the twitch given in Chapter 3 have me curious about the canonicity of the different TPP runs. I think I remember hearing that most of the runs aren’t canon to HH, but is Crystal canon at least? It almost seems like that’s what’s implied here with the reference to Helix’s blood on Mt. Silver (implying that Helix’s current baby form is what’s left over of Him after He was stopped by AJ and his team?) I think the only part of the fic I’m a little out of the loop on is some of the original aspects of the lore, some of which I assume is gone over in Seiren and Metanoia. I'm pretty sure I remember baby Helix from comics that you drew, but I don’t remember the context behind Him.
  • I like the setup with Red’s plan: put on Joanna’s mask and get possessed to gain the chance to kill her. It’s creative and interesting, and gives some context to the fic's cover art (like, having known of the fic and it's various covers for years now, it is cool to finally understand the context behind it).
I only had one note on the prose:
With the ghost's backstory apparently not having much to ask about it - good for me, I suppose - the girl chooses to share her own.
Something about the placement of the "it" at the end of this fragment makes me double take whenever I read it, and I can't quite put my finger on why. Something to do with the construction of the sentence, I think.

This was a good start! It's a bit slow paced, but the time is well-spent on Red's character, and each chapter sets up part of the conflict going forward. I'm interested to see more of Joanna, and to whether she end up remembering what happened to her (and to what extent). I'm also interested in the setup surrounding Helix "the avatar" and HELIX "the elder god" here: it's mostly been in the background so far but with the focus it's been given it does look like it's going to go somewhere, and I'm curious as to how Red's feelings towards Him will develop going forward.

And uuhh I'm sorry you had to find out about my TPP affiliation this way? ^^;

That's all for now, I'll see you next time!
 
Last edited:

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Premium
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
  6. omanyte
  7. hizzap
  8. malamar
  9. canis-kitkin
Hi, I’m here from Catnip! I’ve had my eye on this fic ever since you first posted it to Serebii, and with that said, I think it’s time for me to out myself. I’m familiar with this version of Red, not through osmosis, but because my first exposure to your work was through the art and comics you used to post to the TPP subreddit back in 2015/16. I joined TPP at the tail end of Red, made my first inputs in Crystal (so I have the purple 2 badge on the channel), and I stuck with the community all the way up to the Prism playthrough (with a little bit of occasional lurking for about a year afterwards). Which is to say, I know the characters, and I will get the references, so don’t worry about that! ^^; Of course, it’s also been about a decade since those days, so a lot of my memories are a bit hazy, but I do remember your takes on some of these characters, and I’m interested to formally familiarize myself with them in fic form.
Haha that's so rad! And also kind of terrifying because now someone on here has intimate knowledge of my silly old art and comics.

The scene in the supermarket was interesting to me. Red’s so convinced that he’s different and better than all these Mareeple who don’t act because they don’t want to look bad and starts fantasizing about what he should do… Only to not act because he doesn’t want to look bad :P. Of course, he believes other people’s reasons for participating in Society are weak and stupid while his are Profound and Purposeful. But the end result is still the same, and his inability to see the irony in that speaks a lot to his character, I feel. It reminded me of a short indie animation I stumbled across a few months ago that played on the wolf/sheep metaphor literally, where the wolf thinks he’s unique as the wolf, but in performing as a sheep in essence becomes a sheep himself (followed by the twist that everyone is a “wolf” and there never were any sheep, he just perceived them as sheep because he thought he was different from them).
:eyes: what an animation! Reminds me of the xkcd about everyone on the subway thinking everyone else is a mindless sheep.

…DJ Stalin? Is this a cameo from the FireRed run?
HELL YES IT IS! Although this one doesn't fly because, well. Because obviously.

The details of the twitch given in Chapter 3 have me curious about the canonicity of the different TPP runs. I think I remember hearing that most of the runs aren’t canon to HH, but is Crystal canon at least? It almost seems like that’s what’s implied here with the reference to Helix’s blood on Mt. Silver (implying that Helix’s current baby form is what’s left over of Him after He was stopped by AJ and his team?) I think the only part of the fic I’m a little out of the loop on is some of the original aspects of the lore, some of which I assume is gone over in Seiren and Metanoia. I'm pretty sure I remember baby Helix from comics that you drew, but I don’t remember the context behind Him.
I think it's so long since I last thought about the canonicity of the other runs regarding HH that I've legitimately forgotten what my plan was. I do know that the randomizer runs and the anniversary runs aren't canon due to being region repeats (and also because good luck playing a randomizer run straight without destroying your worldbuilding), but whether other Season One runs than Crystal are canon, I'm not even sure. It is supposed to be canon that the Twitch is a known (though obscure) phenomenon in-universe, so there would have to be multiple of them, but whether they're the ones we know from the stream or like, OC ones, is undetermined. It isn't as if this becomes relevant in HH or The Bringer, anyway.

As for Helix, He's actually died twice - the first was the Mt Silver slaying we all know and love, and the second was a Seiren event that has just become a random offscreen event now that Seiren isn't canon anymore. It, you guessed it, doesn't become relevant.

Something about the placement of the "it" at the end of this fragment makes me double take whenever I read it, and I can't quite put my finger on why. Something to do with the construction of the sentence, I think.
You may be right. These kinds of sentences are the ones that I'm never really fully sure about linguistically speaking.

This was a good start! It's a bit slow paced, but the time is well-spent on Red's character, and each chapter sets up part of the conflict going forward. I'm interested to see more of Joanna, and to whether she end up remembering what happened to her (and to what extent). I'm also interested in the setup surrounding Helix "the avatar" and HELIX "the elder god" here: it's mostly been in the background so far but with the focus it's been given it does look like it's going to go somewhere, and I'm curious as to how Red's feelings towards Him will develop going forward.

And uuhh I'm sorry you had to find out about my TPP affiliation this way? ^^;

That's all for now, I'll see you next time!
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review.
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
  8. meganium
  9. namo-rock
  10. haxorus
  11. deoxys
Hey Canis! Sorry for the long delay, but your prize review is here, and this will be a look at chapters 5 through 9. I read through these ones nice and slow to get an idea of how our crazy friendly neighborhood serial killer thinks.

Wow, the whole of chapter 5 was basically one big maybe-hallucination, starting from his awakening and all the way to the end. Akai himself seems to be entirely unaware of the potential implications going on here, but as far as I can tell, it's very clear that "something" happened to Akai upon arising again. Maybe a last word from the ghost, maybe some strange hallucination getting worse, but one way or the other, something... shifted here. Things feel more supernatural and escalating, but not in the real world, but inside Akai's head. It's interesting.

I think it's partly because it's been a while, but I think this chapter, more than any prior, we've been more in his head compared to the actual "things" that happen in the physical world. It makes me wonder if this is a transitional point or if more of the story for this arc will follow a simialr vibe.

The following chapter is even more in Akai's head, following his dreams of being at a funeral and being a wild creature, which once again it surprises me how much irony there is there. He keeps waxing poetry about being above humanity while also descending into pure animal instincts, something that humanity had largely gone past. What he sees as ascension is a regression, and that never seems to cross anyone's mind.

I liked the much more vulnerable, paranoid way the narrative seemed to be getting at this point. Despite the fact that Akai has managed his "victory"—twice now, in fact—it seems that he hasn't actually felt any sense of victory yet. Taking with the police officer is grazing and testing his luck, but I wonder if there is further significance there.

And then we see the Arcean. I know a bit more about him due to other works, but it's nice to finally see him, but for now he's kinda just showing up here to say hi.

Chapter seven has an even further breakdown of his psyche, it seems. He is having trouble differentiating reality from his hallucinations, with the supermarket scene in particular.

And then comes a lucid dream where he has a confrontation with the spirit, or hallucination, or some other possession of some kind. It's hard to say what that means since you can't really tell what's real and what isn't at this point.

Red being half dead sick in bed and unable to so much as eat and walk being the best he's felt in weeks is a hilarious contrast to how much of a fuckup this guy is across the board.

Huh, been a while since the TPP aspect of this story came up. I didn't realize it was a "known phenomenon" considering how crazy it is. I guess it's a vestige of what it's based on before it became its own thing, but that's interesting.

Wow this "spider" segment is fascinating. He definitely is developing new fun hallucination adventures while sick, and this time it's not even clear what the cause is to me. Maybe an aftershock of being cursed? That's my existing theory.

"As long as he's guiding me, I don't have to think for myself."

This is the most fascinating line in a while when put up against everything else about Red. Despite how much he wants to be an apex being, he is constantly seeking someone to follow because of how lost he is.

And then, he finds out that he's possessed, is my guess here. Exorcism. Overall this is an interesting twist, and a good answer to someone (meta wise) who seemed so important to the story just dying off very early on. Of course she's still possessing him or lingering in some way!

But overall, with regards to Akai's rapid pendulum between confident and sniveling, I think that's the most fascinating thing about this story's villain protagonist, since he's basically a walking contradiction and filled to the ears with cognitive dissonance. He wants to dominate, but he's afraid of everything, even some fundamentals. He wants to serve and follow, yet he sees himself as more than a lamb. And he wants to live by the blade, yet he's so afraid of dying the same way. It's interesting to see that as the meta narrative chapter by chapter.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
  9. axew-irune
Heya, was running a wee bit late, but I’m here for that Catnip review. I got a couple choices for reading material this time around, but decided to go back to the option that I knew a bit better to see where things wound up going.

Chapter 7

Finally, I’m home. Thank the Gods. The front door of my house has not looked this beautiful in years.

I wish I could feel like I made more progress on this excursion, though. While I didn’t feel the urge to stab anyone like I did with that insufferable Arcean, I did have to tap out of conversations pretty quickly after starting them on account of them being boring as fuck and the boneheaded mareep just pissing me off with their… general mareepness. Oh, I have a wife and two kids, they’re the light of my life, the littler one is really big into prehistoric pokémon right now - yeah, well, I bet he thinks tyrantrum shouldn’t have feathers, as if he gets to make that decision, stupid fuck. I hate kids.

I’m frankly surprised that Red doesn’t have his face constantly buried in a phone in public given how asocial he is in general. I’m guessing “no phones, they’ll distract you from the hunt” is one of Helix’s commands or something.

Right, well, anyway - I’m home now, and I don’t have to think about that shit anymore. All I have to think about now is getting some food. I’m starving.

I unlock the front door and open it. Fonz shouts his greeting from inside. Fuck. If he’s here, that means the omanyte is here too. I really don’t have the energy for this…

I mean, you could always just turn around and go over to McDeino’s for a value mea-

Red: “I’ll suck it up and deal with the Omanyte, thanks.” >_>;

Either way, I slip inside and kick off my shoes, giving no shits about whether they’re fancy or not. In the comfort of my own home, I can treat them any way I want. It’s not like my dad’s coming back to scold me.

Oh, so Red’s dad’s dead… or at least I think that’s the implication there.

I shuffle my way to the kitchen to scramble together something to eat. Fonz sits at the table with his own dinner - some salmon and mashed potatoes, nice. I could have some of that myself. Last night’s dream definitely put me in the mood for some seafood. But last night’s dream was also the one where --

Dammit, this is what I was talking about. I’ve already had enough trouble containing my urges today. I don’t need any more of that, regardless of what kind of urges I’m fighting.

That actually makes me wonder if GLP-1s would impact Red’s ability to feel those urges given that feeling less pleasure and excitement in general is apparently a fairly commonly reported side effect of taking them.

But the omanyte issue becomes impossible to ignore when I hear the mon chatting with a voice I don’t recognize.

It’s not Fonz, I’m looking right at him. It’s not Abe, he doesn’t sound like that. It’s not Abe’s father and it’s not my mother. So it must mean…

I clear my throat. “Did m- Helix bring someone home from school?” The name burns my throat to speak aloud, but I just can’t say ‘my lord’ anymore.

Wait, but isn’t Helix in a fishtank right now? ^^;

“Yeah,” says Fonz, grinning. “A treecko named Lily. Apparently they’ve really hit it off. Isn’t it great?”

Huh, guess not, apparently. Though I wonder if this is another TPP reference here, or if Lily is entirely a creation of this story.

I fix my eyes on the kitchen counter.

Yes, it’s great. It’s wonderful. He -- the omanyte finally has a friend. It finally found company. I can imagine how happy that makes it.

And the fact that it brought them home… means that it’s no longer ashamed of me.

orly.gif


Just saying, he could just be flatly ignoring you, Red.

Because I’m not there to call it ‘my lord’ anymore. I’m not there to be weird anymore. The omanyte can now bring people home because I’m no longer in its way.

He’s replacing you.

Ah yes, see, there’s those alternative explanations creeping up in live time there.

No, no, shut up. We already went over this with the Shirlee fiasco. He’s not -- it’s not replacing me. It has only found other people, other interests. And that’s good, you know? That’s good, because that means it doesn’t need me around so much. And I’m not supposed to be close to it anyway. This is good for both parties.

press-x-for-doubt-x-for-doubt.png


So what’s the over/under of Lily getting chased out with a knife in about a minute?

He no longer needs you.

That’s not -- no, that can go ahead and be true. Because it doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t matter what some little mon thinks. I’m going to be a god. That’s the only thing that matters. That’s the only thing I care about.

He no longer wants you.

“Red?”

I don’t answer. [ ]

Is Red deliberately supposed to be spacing out here? If not, it might have made sense to give a bit of a reminder of what he’s up to right now. For example, if he’s staring fixedly at Helix and Lily while Fonz is still talking in the background.

“Are you okay?”

Creating_Bugs_Bunny%27s_%22No%22.jpg


I have to answer.

I grab my heart and slam it through the window. [ ]

“Yeah,” I say. “Just got lost in thought.”

“Alright...”

I feel like this moment might’ve worked a bit better with a bit more contrast between Red’s imagine spot and him snapping back to reality however tenuously for the whole “right, I’m in the kitchen still and Fonz is staring at me” or something like that.

Great, now look at what you’ve done. You’re being suspicious. You’re acting strangely. You’re raising questions. You have to fix the situation.

...I can’t. I have to take the next best option.

“Do we need anything from the store?”

Ah yes, right after he bailed on the outside world to get away from it and be a shut-in again. I can already tell that this is going to go well™ for Red.

[ ]

“The store? Weren’t you there just yesterday?”

Yeah, weren’t you? “Yeah, but I wanna get something I forgot.”

He shifts back on that little stool of his that lets him sit by the table like a human being. “Well, I can’t think of anything we’re missing.”

I think this might have benefitted from a bit more description of Fonz’s reaction to make things a bit easier to visualize, assuming that Red is sizing up Fonz and trying to gauge how deep in over his head he is or something like that.

“That’s alright.” I walk back to the door and shove my feet back into my shoes. “See you soon.”

“Oh, s-see you,” he shouts backs as I slip outside.

Once I’ve closed the door, I let myself collapse against it.

I take it that Red’s neighborhood doesn’t get much activity normally, since you’d think that his neighbors would find this weird if they were passing by.

Well, I suppose it’s alright. I didn’t do anything explicitly harmful and removed myself from the situation before I could. That’s about the best I can ask of myself given today’s events.

Still, I…

No. Just let it go.

Wait, what was Red considering here? Since his thought process cuts off abruptly enough that I’m not sure what he was thinking about there.

With a sigh, I prop myself back up. I step down from the porch and begin my journey to the store. Well, I suppose I don’t actually have to go to the store - I can just say they didn’t have what I wanted - but as I couldn’t get myself a bite to eat back home, I could buy myself a little something on this trip. I remember them having a section with freshly baked pastries the few times I’ve wandered off my usual route. One of those sounds really good right about now…

The thought, unfortunately, only makes my hunger growl louder. I choose to defer it for the time being and try to focus on my surroundings instead.

Considering Red’s past track record at reining in his impulses and the generally unstable parts of his mind, I’ll take the under on this lasting for more than about five minutes.

For a while, it helps. The pretty weather and nice breeze do well to lift my spirits… until I come across the library.

Gods. Just a year ago or so, I could have gotten a snack from the café already and had a wonderful time, but noooo, they had to go and screw it all up as that’s the thing humans do best. Well, guess what?

I gargle up some saliva and spit it down on the asphalt. There. Let that foamy lump be a warning to any other enjoyers of decency. And who says people like me don't do good deeds.

:TailsEww:


Red: “Oh, piss off! Steering people away from that place is a good deed!”
:seviAAAAAAAAAAA:


I lift my head up high and continue on my way. After what felt like much too long, I finally arrive at the supermarket - but there's a commotion at the front again. And what do you know, it's the same people as before. You'd think they would’ve given up by now. In a way, I admire their resilience. And in a way, I almost pity them - they too have found themselves imprisoned by their own emotions. But I suppose, more than either of those, I feel… pride. Pride at the fruits of my labor.

… And your pride hasn’t been imprisoning you and steering you down making stupid decisions throughout this story how, Red? ^^;

Though it’s definitely a pretty exemplary display of Red’s protagonist-centered morality in this story.

But I do hope I can slip by either unnoticed or with a quick 'no'. I'm here for destressing, not distressing. Man. Sometimes I wish I had friends I could say these puns to.

Boy, the atmosphere back at Red’s house must be something else if he doesn’t consider his own roommates to be his friends. :copyka:

I approach the doors with a brisk pace I intend to keep no matter what. I dive into the crowd and manage to take a few steps until someone lightly grabs my arm. Alright, I was prepared for this. I turn to the culprit and --

“Excuse me, sir, have you...”

The word to speak is simple, but some group of neurons decides to block it with rage. They’ve seen the man that slammed the lid of an iron maiden onto me last night, and they’ve forgotten that it was simply a dream. It doesn’t help that the man has left his own sentence unfinished. It locks my eyes onto his face in anticipation. His dopey, dopey face. But it’s not just his expression that I can’t seem to escape - something is off.

Red, have you ever considered:

giphy.gif


Since just saying, it would likely be a wee bit more effective at brushing off attention right about now.

His veins. His veins and arteries. I can see them. They sprawl along his face like the roots of some fungus, diving into his sockets and orifices. Was he always this pale? Is this some reaction his body is having to the copious amounts of crying he’s done judging by his reddened eyes?

No, somehow it doesn’t look unhealthy. I’m not repulsed as I would be at signs of sickness - instead, I’m drawn in. Those red and blue lines are so vivid in their color, they’re like… they’re like candy. Sweet, juicy… plump. Full of blood. So full that it feels like the blood would just squirt right out if pricked with a needle. It would spray right onto me, my skin, my mouth…

I feel the part where Red starts veering off into murderous ideation works better split off into its own thing for emphasis.

He’s talking to me now. I think he’s talking about recognizing me from before but still wanting to ask if I’ve seen her sister. He holds up the photo, but I can barely give it a glance before I have to return to that spectacle on his face. With enough focus, I can see the minute changes in the pressure of those tubes. The squash and stretch as his muscles move. The pulses of blood that originate from his heart. His heart…

My gaze slides down to his chest. Deep in there resides that beautiful, colorful organ. Day and night it ceaselessly works to keep that blood flowing. So diligent. Yet this man gives it no thanks. He takes it for granted, even makes it work overtime with unnecessary stress.

“Sir, are you okay?”

Not at all. Not that he’s going to just go and tell you that. :copyka:

I look back at his face. Wrinkles above the eyebrows. Slightly ajar mouth. Confused. At my behavior.

“...Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” I respond with lazy lips, and he goes back to his speech.

Screenshot 2026-05-28 at 12.21.31 AM.png

But am I okay? Am I okay with this? No, I can’t be okay with this. He doesn’t deserve that heart. And if I’m twice the man he’ll ever be, why shouldn’t I take it for myself? If I had two hearts, neither would have to work as hard anymore. They could work in shifts, one doing what a heart’s meant to do while the other takes a well-deserved break. I’ll give that heart a good home. I’ll let it live in a body that trains regularly and eats a healthy diet. This dude doesn’t, just look at him. He’s taller than me, and yet I have not a cloud of doubt that I could kick his ass.

I could kill him with my bare hands. Eat him alive. Tear off chunks of muscle with my teeth, swallow them, digest them, put their bioenergy into much better use. Oh, Gods. How good it would taste, especially with those candy-like veins on top. I’m so hungry. I have to…

“What are you doing?”

Another spot where I think the paragraph works better split up to emphasize the different parts.

Though Red’s drooling in live-time right now, isn’t he?

He raised his hands. He stepped back. Because I… stepped forward. To lunge at him? Bite him in the neck? In this crowd? In broad daylight?

What the hell am I doing? I was just supposed to say ‘no’ and move on. Not this… this. I… oh, fuck. Just leave.

Yeah, he was drooling, I can already tell.

“Sorry, nothing,” I quickly say. “I’ll, uhh, let you know if I see anything.”

Lol. Lmao.

Before he can respond, I slip through the automatic doors. I don’t stop until I’ve passed through the store gates, something that’ll keep me from walking right back.

This was a bad idea. I should have learned by now that I shouldn’t be around anyone if I need to get myself back together. I just need to grab that snack from somewhere, buy it and get out. Eat it in the woods or something. Anywhere I can be alone.

I mean, at least it’s more dignified than going to the back alley behind the shop? Since I was half-expecting Red to go for literally whatever first quiet place he could find with how ajar his thought process is right now. ^^;

Okay, let’s see. Where did they keep the pastries again…?

I sneak across the store like a lost rodent, peeking into every aisle I pass by and changing course whenever I feel like I’ve found a right turn, but time and time again I’m mistaken. What kind of logic does this place follow? How are clothes related to cheese? Why not have the fresh pastries near the bread? No, there are only packaged ones. I don’t want those - I didn’t come all this way for something conveyor belt flavored.

That sounds like quite the grocery store there. Unless this is basically a Tesco/Wal-Mart that sells everything but with a grocery section attached to it.

It doesn’t help either that each time the signs seem a little harder to read. And each time I turn around, my steps get heavier… it must be my blood sugar dropping down. All this stress is just burning me out faster. Thoughts get blurred, repeated, forgotten only seconds later… hey, I was in this aisle already. Which way did I turn last time? Left? Guess I’ll take the right…

Oh my Gods. There it is! Freshly baked pastries. Croissants, donuts, cinnamon buns. They are sweet, they are greasy, they are…

Well, they’re…

Nonexistent? Since just saying, it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen Red have an imagine spot even in this very chapter. :copyka:

They’re fine, I guess. They’re exactly as pastries should be. But…

Now that they’re in front of me, I just don’t… want them.

Red’s Body:
zootopia-for-real.gif

Red: “Shut up body, I call the shots here.” >:|

I don’t want to eat wheat. I don’t want to eat plant matter. But I’m still hungry. I want something. What do I --

A salty, metallic flavor invades my consciousness.

Without even thinking, I lick my lips, catching more blood from the chapped skin. That’s exactly it, that’s what I want. I want flesh. I want the meat of a creature that once had a pulse. Or still has…

laughter-worried.gif


No! Don’t go down that route. Just... get some fish! That used to be alive. That’s some flesh you can still legally get. There’s a food counter right beside the pastries, get it from there? No, better not. You should avoid human contact as much as you can right now. Get the refrigerated stuff - you just passed that aisle just a while ago.

Oh, so we’re going to see Red scarf down a raw steak in the bathroom, aren’t we?

I backtrack my steps and see the beautiful red gleam of a salmon fillet. Yes, that, I want that. No, not that, that’s raw, you can’t have it raw, get the cold-smoked one. I open the shelf door and snatch the package, nearly missing thanks to the ever-thickening haze in my head. The soft touch of the flesh underneath my thumb nearly has me sink my teeth into it already, but no, I need to be a person for just a few moments longer. Fingers clutching the package strongly enough to almost tear it, I close the door and turn to where I at least kind of think the checkouts are.

Boy, with a thought process like that, I’m half-convinced he really has been drooling for much of the past sequence here. :copyka:

Wait. Past the aisle, on the floor - a red puddle. Is that...

No, it can’t be blood. Why would there be blood on the floor of a supermarket? It has to be ketchup or berry juice or something. Yes, that’s it. Of course it isn’t blood. Nobody’s hurt, nobody’s bleeding, and that’ll become clear as day as soon as I get past these shelves --

Someone’s lying in the puddle. Face down, motionless.

Boy-That-Escalated-Quickly-Anchorman.gif


Well… alright, that’s a bit more alarming… but maybe he took a fall. He does look pretty old. He took a fall and he landed on whatever he was carrying, which happened to be filled with some red fluid, and it burst open and made that puddle. That is what happened. Unfortunately, now that I’ve clearly noticed him, I’m obligated to help or else they’ll catch me being criminally negligent on surveillance tapes. What a pain in the ass…

I walk over to him, circling the puddle to avoid getting whatever that stuff is on my shoes. I crouch next to his face and reach for his shoulder --

No.

That smell is unmistakable. It is blood.

Oooooh boy, I can already tell that this is going to get really weird and creepy in short order.

Despite my awakening dread, I grab the man's shoulder. No reaction. I fold the salmon to fit it in my pocket, grab the man with both hands and flip him over.

His entrails stay on the floor.

The smell surges like a sudden gust. Not just blood - all the odors of an opened abdominal cavity, its organs, its fluids. I recoil, nearly falling on my ass, but fortunately find my balance in time to stand upright. Still, my eyes stay nailed to the carnage.

Can’t tell if this is actually happening, or if Red is having another one of those deranged imagine spots again. I’m kinda leaning towards the latter, since boy did things go places in short order in just a few paragraphs.

What is… behind this? What would cause this? Did a rabid mon barge in and maul this guy? Is it still at large? Am I in danger?

I pause my breathing to listen for any clues - but the store's gone silent. Unbearably silent.

I look around, and what I see is even worse.

Puddles and smears of red coat the once-white floors. Bodies lay strung about here and there, some intact, others ripped apart. I creep to another aisle - same thing. Next one, same thing. Same thing, same thing, same thing. It’s really starting to seem like I’m the only one alive –

Yuuuup, we’re having an imagine spot again. Even if I’m a little morbidly impressed that Red hasn’t killed someone in the middle of one of these things (well, Michi excluded) up to this point.

Something moved.

Something’s standing at the end of this aisle. Someone. Looks human. Has human hands. Stained by blood.

Was it him? Did he kill all these people? Did he have the same thoughts I had here last time, but lacked the luck that snapped me back to reality? He kinda looks like me. He might think like me, too. Right now, he’s frozen just like I am. Just standing there.

I’m pretty sure that that is you, just saying, Red.

I don’t want to move, afraid I’ll trigger an attack - but I have to get my knife. I have to be able to defend myself.

I grab the hilt --

Blood.

Blood on my hands. They’re all red. Trembling.

And so are his.

That’s a mirror.

Yeah, I figured.

No. No, I couldn’t have. I’ve been shopping just like anyone else. When could I have done all this? It’s impossible! Yet the blood, the blood is there, and my knife…

I slide it out. The blade is red.

Oh shit. I need to get out of here.

Whelp, so much for getting salmon to munch on today.

I dash from aisle to aisle, careful not to slip on any blood or disembodied organs, looking for any sign of the checkouts. Though will I even be able to get through? Surely they’ve seen me on my rampage through the surveillance already. But will they have the power or courage to try and stop me? Maybe a mon would. I wouldn’t be much of an opponent to anything with elemental powers. I guess I just have to hope it’ll be humans alone or that they’ll be too cowardly to stop me. And that they have no guns…

That’s some cope if I ever heard it given that literally every police officer in a Pokémon setting has something for a Pokémon partner assigned to them.

Wait! Maybe there’s a chance the surveillance is broken today or that no one’s looked at it yet. If that’s the case, I may even be able to get away scot-free! I just have to get this blood off my hands. But how can I do that? I can’t wipe it on my clothes, it’ll still show. Unless…

With great care not to stain any visible area, I slip my thumb underneath the waist of my pants. I pull it outwards to allow my other hand to enter the space inside, and that other hand props it up enough to let me slip my first hand in. Alright, fantastic! I rub both hands against the insides of my pants, hoping dearly that there won’t be enough blood to seep through. It seems that there isn’t, but the blood is also taking its sweet time coming off –

I like how the thought didn’t even occur to him to try and find a sink or even to grab some bottled water and splash it on himself.

“Hey!”

I look up and freeze. A man in a dark green shirt has entered the aisle, and he’s looking straight at me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks, approaching.

Oh Gods. Why is he even doing that? He has no weapon on him. Doesn’t he know how much I’ve slaughtered? He… can’t be aware, no. If he knew, he wouldn’t dare to approach. But then what the hell is he confronting me about --

“Get those hands outta your pants!”

:hoodLUL:


Well that’s a rude awakening back to reality if I ever heard one. Have fun explaining that one, Red.

...Ohhh.

Well, this is quite awkward.

“I said take ‘em out!” he shouts again. It’s looking like he’s going to come take them out himself if I don’t comply.

But… I can’t take them out. He’ll see the blood. He’ll figure things out. Should I just kill him? I’d have to be fast and get no more blood on me, though –

Aaaaand we’ve veered straight back into :copyka: territory once again.

No, I’ve got it! Why didn’t I think of this before?

“Oh, thank the Gods you’re here!” I yell. “There’s a --”

I’ve pulled out my hands to present the blood I would claim to have bled. Only there isn’t any.

The clerk’s frown deepens. “A what?”

I glance behind me. The floors are stainless white. [ ]

“You’re gonna have to leave now,” says the clerk.

I think that the whole “... Oh, it’s not real” realization + showing off the clerk giving Red the stink-eye would be worth expanding on a bit more in this sequence.

I inspect my hands over and over, but all traces of the blood have vanished. As the clerk extends his hand to grab me, I lift them up.

“I, uhh, sorry,” I say. “My bad. I won’t be any more trouble. Can you, uhh, still let me buy this?” I gesture to the salmon sticking out of my pocket. At least that didn’t fall out during this whole thing.

The clerk eyes me and the salmon. “If you behave,” he begrudgingly says.

I’m honestly shocked that the clerk is just allowing this, but I suppose that money talks.

I nod eagerly and follow the clerk to the checkouts, where he watches me as I purchase the salmon. Despite my company, the woman behind the counter still serves with the usual level of professionality, but her smile wavers at the words the clerk mutters after I’m done.

“Be sure to wash your hands.”

A bright red glow on my face, I exit the store. I cross the parking lot without delay and keep going until I’ve reached the graveyard.

Red: “Well, that’s one more place around town that I’m never going to feel comfortable going back to again.” >///<

I sit on the bench and stare at the salmon in my hands.

I’ve never hallucinated from low blood sugar before, but maybe it’s a thing. Or maybe I fell halfway asleep. I don’t know. I just know that I better eat this now.

Even though I’ve completely lost my appetite.

That sounds like a recipe to wind up barfing up that salmon again sometime in the not-too-distant future, but okay there, Red.

"Hi!" rings Abe's greeting from the kitchen as soon as I open the front door. Unfortunately for him, I have neither the will nor the energy to answer.

I kick off my shoes for what I pray will be the last time today and shuffle towards the stairs. Hearing the omanyte's friend's voice from the living room further cements my plan to head directly for my bedroom and stay there for the remainder of the day. It'd seem very boring if it wasn't for the fact that I'm perfectly ready to already call it a night.

It’s not going to be the last time, is it?

"Oh, hey," Fonz speaks up despite my right foot already touching the third step. "Did you get what you wanted?"

I should probably answer.

"Yeah."

He says something, but as I hear no noises suggesting he's going to follow me, the exact words are irrelevant. All that matters now is that I can rest undisturbed.

I think that the middle paragraph here works better with some small changes along the above lines for emphasis.

Sixteen steps and what feels like an hour later, I bust through my room’s door and flop onto my bed face first. It's not as dark as I would've liked with the sun shining through the window, but it matters little as sleep already knocks at the back of my mind. I let it in, and reality blurs away…

Ah yes, it’s:

dream-world


Where is it?

I glance left and right and back and forth, but all I see are trees. Pines, spruces, all swaying and creaking in the wind that howls with a houndour's voice. They spread out their branches as if waiting for an unsuspecting passerby to snatch away. Their needles wiggle like thousands of spider legs, eager to get their claws on me to do who knows what. Needless to say, I steer clear of them, sticking to the well-tread path of dirt and dead needles.

Ah yes, so we’re seeing Kantoan Trevenant in action. /s

Up above, in the few spots where the branches don't obscure it, the deep blue velvet of the sky peeks through, along with a few little stars. Their faint, cold light is the only illumination the forest receives. Thanks to this, I can barely see two meters in front of me, which makes my search no easier. I suppose I just have to keep going until I bump into it.

Wait… what is 'it'? What exactly am I looking for?

Apotheosis? Since you seem to be rather hung up on that in this story in general. ^^;

Clank. Clank. Clank.

What’s that? Sounds like a machine of some kind. A big one.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

It’s coming closer. Shit. I don’t know what it is, but I better go hide just in case. I jump off the path --

Shlorp.

Wait, wait, wait. Just what sort of machine makes a ‘shlorp’ noise?
:wtfuckle:


And instantly regret it as the moss gives in under my feet and I find myself knee-deep in sludge. Oh Gods, my shoes are drenched… ugh, wading through this isn’t going to be anywhere near fast enough. I gotta return to the path and find some other option, fast.

Well, that would explain it there. Though yeah, that’s gotta be ‘fun’ to dream about.

The suction is strong, but with great effort, I manage to pull my foot out of the muck and hop closer to the path. That's one step, I'll need a couple more. Come on… yes, shlorp, we get it. Hurry up, the clanking is getting louder! I don't wanna get in the way of a crazed tyranitar or whatever that is!

inb4 it’s Joanna as a Cofagrigus and she’s not as dead as initially advertised.

The ground's already shaking, oh Gods. What am I even gonna do when once I get out of the sludge? I glance around… hold on, over there! A lone pine growing right on the edge of the path. Maybe, just maybe, I can hide behind it.

Small superfluous word in this paragraph here.

I pull my foot out of the sludge one more time, focus on the solid ground just a meter away, bend my supporting leg - and leap.

The foot meets the path! I crouch right away, and to my great relief, I get to keep my balance. But there’s no time to celebrate. Light is shining from behind the trees, growing brighter each moment - it’s the machine. The rays burning my back, I run to the pine. Up close, it’s thinner than I’d hoped, but it’ll have to do. I slip behind it and try my best to fit in its shadow. Curse these wide, masculine shoulders…

I mean… are we sure that it’s a machine, Red? Unless it’s that iron maiden or whatever it was that was in the nightmare involving Joanna’s funeral.

The clanking enters my stretch of the path. It’s here. But its rhythm isn’t changing -- it must not have spotted me… yet, at least. I hold my breath as it approaches, keeping a close eye on the light’s direction. As the shadow shifts, so do I. I tiptoe around the trunk at the same pace as the machine passes the tree. A cartoonish maneuver - but miraculously, it works.

The machine carries on at the same pace it arrived with. The clanking’s finally fading, and so is the light.

Wait, so did Red see the machine at all there in his dream? Since it wasn’t described at all up to this point. Just its sound and its shadow.

I can sigh in peace. I’m safe.

you-sure-about-that-i-think-you-should-leave-with-tim-robinson.gif


“Thought we missed you, huh?”

What?

Clank-clank cla-clank cla-clank cla-clank clank clank clank --

It's coming here!

Yeah, I figured.

Thwack!

Something strikes the tree hard enough to make me jump back on instinct, forgetting all about my plan to hide. The ground that meets my feet is lumpier than expected and I tumble down backwards.

As the last resort of a cornered animal, my body freezes up, and all I can do is gawk at the terror that stands before me.

Eight spindly, golden legs carry the weight of a coffin-shaped body. On its face, a mask - that mask. Only instead of holes in her sockets, she has two gleaming pitch-black eyes along with two smaller pairs next to them.

Oh, so he really hasn’t been able to get rid of Joanna for good. :copyka:

And on the creature's back, wearing a headlamp that obscures her face but still leaves visible the dark clothing and the pink --

"Hi," greets Michi. She pushes up the headlamp, revealing a grin most infuriating.

Red: “What?! No! You’re supposed to be dead! I killed you-!” O.O

Even through my terror, my hands form fists. "Y-you're supposed to be dead," I manage through my teeth.

Yeah, I figured there.

"Well, I'm not, and doesn't that piss you off." She smirks, but soon frowns, leaning forwards onto the creature's head.

"Let's get to the point," she says and pats the monster's head. It raises its frontmost pair of limbs, flashing their unnervingly sharp tips, and plunges them into the dirt on my left and right. A dozen or so centimeters closer, they would have skewered my hands - ample reason to draw them to my chest and pay close attention to what the girl has to say.

She locks eyes with me - all innocence gone from those pale blues, replaced with only cold. She delivers her words without a waver.

Which is as good a sign as any that this is a nightmare and that’s not Michi there…

Maybe. I won’t rule out the possibility that this is a ghost of hers.

"You need to confess."

Confess…?

Right. Of course she'd want that. But I…

“Well?” she demands.

Red: “I literally just said that I killed you-” >_>;
Michi: “Canonically. To other people.

This is not an easy thing to say with a car-sized six-eyed spider monster staring at you with murderous intent, but I don’t see much of a choice.

“I can’t,” I breathe.

The monster hisses sharply, and Michi narrows her eyes. “Yes, you can,” she says. “And unless you want to die right here and now, you will.”

Red:
guess-i%27ll-die-old-man.gif


Shit. So it’s either gonna be rotting in jail for the rest of my life or getting the kebab treatment.

Or… I do have one trick up my sleeve. It’s worth a shot…

I search my heart for all the misery and despair I can find and channel it through my face.

“I… I’m sorry,” I crow, voice breaking. “I-I’m sorry, but I had to do it! You don’t understand --”

The monster splits its mask into a maw of curved, sharp fangs. An infernal screech claws at my ears.

I take it that Red’s not a very convincing actor with the whole sob story routine there.

“Save it!” spits Michi. “You really think we’d pity you? The child murderer?”

“Well, I, uhh…I mean…” I raise my hands and force a chuckle. “Listen, can we just pause for a moment and discuss this?”

She frowns, but to my great shock, doesn’t immediately order the monster to kill me. Instead, she leans forward again. “We’re listening.”

I kinda wonder if the underlined ought to be expanded a bit for Red’s thought process there.

I take a moment to catch my breath, but know my time is limited. “Alright, so...” I rub my hands together. “Since, um, I don’t want to die and you probably don’t want murder on your record, I’m thinking we could forgo that ‘killing me’ option...”

Lol. Lmao.

Red: “That… came out sounding really lame and pathetic, didn’t it?” >.<
Michi: “And how.

“So, you’ll confess?”

I glance away. “Well, about that… I was thinking that now that you’re clearly here and alive, that means no child murder was actually committed, and I… feel like it’d be quite annoying for both parties to deal with all the legal stuff that’s attached to these things, and so we could perhaps… just go our separate ways and forget all about this?”

794.png


Silence.

Is it a good silence?

bender-laughing.gif


Michi scowls. It’s not good.

Gee, Red. What on earth did you expect there?

“Kill him.”

A metal limb slams into my chest, squeezing out all air and knocking me onto my back. The monster pounces on me, lunging for my left arm with its maw wide and --

Fuck! Oh, Gods! That stings, stings! Screaming pain in my left forearm, it took its fangs and sunk them right in! Right between the bones! It’s like fire! She withdraws -- she withdraws, but the pain isn’t going away, no, it’s so bad, it’s so bad I can’t think of anything but my dissolving flesh.

Dissolving, it really is dissolving, the skin is caving in by gravity alone. Blood pours out of the puncture wounds. Blood and other matter. I hear sizzling. The pain spreads to my torso. My lungs are bubbling. I can’t breathe. The venom creeps up my neck. Oh Gods, I’m really gonna die. My brain is going to melt. It’s already doing so. Patches of my vision go black and spread, spread. But my skin, my skin is still intact, it seems, if limp with no structures beneath. Oh Gods, there it comes, I can feel it. My thoughts shattering.

Death.

I think that this third paragraph works better split into two since it’s a lot of content to take in all in one block.

Wait. It’s gone.

It’s dark, soft, wet…

Oh, great, I get it now. It was just another nightmare. It was just a dream, and now it’s over. I’m awake in my own bed, safe. Though I’m not a fan of the cold sweat. Especially with my day clothes still on. Ugh, looks like I’ll have to change for tomorrow.

I mean, could be worse, since at first when I read ‘dark, soft, wet’, I wasn’t thinking that was sweat soaking your bed there.

“Do you understand now?”

Oh fuck! Who --

Against the back wall, standing in the dark, it’s her.

“You will confess, or it’ll get even worse,” Michi says. What is she doing in my room? How did she get in? Shouldn’t she be dead?

Oh, so Michi really is a ghost. Either that or Red’s hallucinating again. Maybe both.

“It’s not a hard choice,” she continues, glaring at me with those frigid eyes. “Jail isn’t even as bad as you deserve. I’m letting you off easy.”

Jail… or death. But not death. Only nightmares. Nightmares in which I die, which I suffer - but this reality remains reality.

>implying Red hasn’t been having trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy since the very start of this fic

This reality…

No, this isn’t real. This is another dream. In reality, Michi is dead, and if she was alive, she’d be smarter than this. She wouldn’t break into my house to taunt me, she’d go to the cops like a sensible person. She’d stay there for protection. She knows I’m a killer, someone to fear.

This one should know that, too.

Bold of you to assume that given that I’m pretty sure that she’s a ghost right now given that this story is called Hunter, Haunted, Red.

At the sight of my determination, her expression wavers. “Is there really no convincing you?”

“No,” I say. “No, there is not.”

I get out of my bed and stand up straight. The clammy fabric of my shirt makes me shiver. I quickly unbutton it and throw it on the floor behind me. That’s better.

I lock eyes with Michi again and approach.

“What are you doing?” she asks, unnerved. “I can scream, you know. And then everyone will see us. I’ll tell them what you did.”

Red: “Well, you see, since this is all a dream, I can control how things play out in it. And I say it’s about time that I kill you again.”
:evilgengar:


I hear steps. Hurried steps behind the door. A click, and the cracks light up - a shove of the door, and light floods in. In the frame stands Abe.

“What’s going on? What are you doing?” he shouts, but I’m not fooled. I lay my gaze on him and imagine him disintegrating into red dust.

It happens. I smile.

Ah yes, someone’s figuring out how to flip the script on his dreams right now.

The lights flicker out, and the door closes on the pile of powder. Michi looks at the door, then at me. Stupefied.

I walk towards her. “Nice try.”

She backs up only to bump into the wall. “What do you mean?”

“You had your fun, but now this dream...”

I study the wallpaper behind Michi. Then, in an instant, it shreds to wrap around the girl. A startled gasp leaves her poor little lungs.

“...is a lucid dream.” I grin. Finally, things are going my way. A lucid dream is just what I need after these terrible past few days.

Whelp, time to see another child murder. Somehow I doubt this one is going to be as restrained as the last one given that this is a dream sequence.

I’m going to get everything I can out of it.

I raise my right hand and bring it in front of the girl. She eyes it, expression quite alarmed.

“And that means...”

Shnk!

Blood spurts out the tips of my fingers, brought forth by the sharp, black talons that have shot out through the skin.

Oh, well. That’s… lovely as a thing to dream about. Though I suppose that this really is a dream given that Red isn’t in massive agony from this body horror transformation right now.

“We’re going to have my kind of dream.”

Yeah, I figured things were heading in this direction here.

I snap my new claws, and with the reverberation of the loud click, cracks form in the surrounding walls and ceiling. The scene quakes, raining down dust and small debris. With a flick of my hand, all the furniture of the room decay into ash.

Another flick, and the ceiling and walls shatter, their pieces flinging out into the darkness around us. A gust of wind catches the piles of powder that once formed my dull, gray bedroom, scattering them into the void. Soon enough, nothing remains except for the strips of wallpaper still coiled around Michi.

The blackness brightens just slightly, becoming a deep blue adorned by thousands of sparkling stars. It reveals a familiar setting around us - the forest. As a last touch, I raise the full moon high above. Its cold light falls upon the scene, illuminating each detail my mind has been able to create.

This is perfect.

Red:
saw22-saw.gif


I turn back to Michi. “There, the scenery’s ready. Now...”

I clasp her face with my hand. The talons prick her skin. She struggles - in vain, naturally. Boy, this makes me smile.

“If you think I’m going to give up killing just because of a few nightmares, you really don’t know me,” I murmur. “So let me set the record straight, once and for all.”

Whelp, I can tell that this dream sequence is about to go places in short order.

I focus and my body begins to change.

The bones lengthen, the muscles swell. They stretch my skin thinner and thinner, until -- rip, snap, rip. The limit is reached and broken. The futile tissue tears and peels off in bloody patches, exposing the beauty within. Fibers, tendons, ligaments, fasciae, all glistening from blood and plasma. And it so terrifies the girl!

Somewhere deep inside my neck, rows of sharp, conical teeth pierce the flesh. I cough out a bit of blood onto my lips. The taste is mouthwatering.

Wait, what on earth does Red look like right now in this dream? A Xenomorph?

“It's time you see me for what I really am,” I rasp. She whimpers as she spots the new set of pearly whites peeking from my throat, forming into a predator’s jaws.

Above them, eyes begin to form. At first they see only darkness, but light shines in from my old mouth, brightening by the second as I push my new skull ahead - but the opening isn’t quite big enough. I’m stuck. Hm.

I let my left hand sprout claws of its own and bring both hands to the old human jaws. I shove in my talons and pull.

With an eruption of blood, the jaws pop apart. I tear away the remains of my previous head and cast them off to the side. My old eyes gone, the new eyes see clearly - and Michi sees them.

Boy, it’s quite a trip to see Red dreaming about body horror like this when he’s massively pain-averse in reality. I take it that this is basically a wish fulfillment exercise given that he’s dreaming of a him that can just take all this without flinching.

Glowing yellow eyes with little black pupils stare back at her terrified face. My torn up mouth pulls its corners into a toothy grin as I finish off my new form with a few more details: two curved, milky-white horns and a bony, whiplike tail with a spearheaded tip.

Here I am - the Houndoom.

Ah yes, that would explain the chapter title. And it’s definitely a solid choice of Pokémon for ruining a ghost’s day.

Michi’s nerves give out. She begins squirming, screaming like a zubat in a blender, desperate for someone to hear and come save her. But no one’s here but us. The tiny girl and the wide-eyed walking corpse, its wet crimson surface shimmering in the moonlight.

I stomp down a bloody foot to halt her wailing. “Well?” I growl. “Do you see now?”

“Yes! Yes!” she screams. “Whatever you say, you freak! Just let me go!”

Red:
no-no-i-don%27t.gif


I let the wallpaper turn limp. Drenched by the many sprays of my blood, it tears apart from the smallest motions of the girl. She stares at her freed self, puzzled by my sudden compliance.

“Well, go ahead,” I say. “Run. Maybe you can get away this time.”

press-x-for-doubt-x-for-doubt.gif


Especially when Red is the one controlling the way the dream is playing out right now.

I step back and drop onto four limbs, preparing another wave of changes within my body. Michi blinks, then remembers her survival instinct and takes the chance I've provided her. Her pathetic little run is adorable to watch. It's like she only learned how to walk yesterday.

Now… to really live up to the title of Big and Bad.

I flex my talons in concentration, blood squeezing out of my hands. With a good, long stretch, I expand my bones even further. Tendons lengthen, muscle fibers duplicate. My heels rise off the ground for hind legs better built for running. My snout grows longer to fit even more teeth, more robust for an even stronger bite. I whip my tail with pride - I have become triple my size before. This should allow for the end I’ve planned for her. Now it’s time I make that happen.

Oh, so he’s going all the way for that transformation into a Houndoom given that we’ve seen him shift into a quadrupedal stance on digitigrade legs.

With my mind’s eye, I locate a root crossing Michi’s trajectory and raise it. Well enough, it knocks into her shin and sends her face first into the ground.

I leap into a gallop, earth-quaking thumps heralding my approach, and reach her just as she’s managed to get back to her feet. Like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn, I swipe my paw at her, sending her rolling across the ground. She stops herself on her back, but freezes in horror before she can do much else.

“You’re not very good at this,” I sneer. “Now… you know what the Big Bad Houndoom likes to do, don’t you?”

Well, yes. Things tend to come easy when you’re in a wish fulfillment sequence, Red.

I lower my hand onto her, talons scraping the dirt around her shoulders, and grasp her as gently as a beast like this can. I can feel her shiver as I raise her up to my face.

The fear in her eyes as I slowly separate my jaws - priceless.

“No, don’t --”

She cuts herself off with a scream as I shove her legs into my mouth. The taste of dirt spreads across my tongue, but I’m not doing this for the taste. I’m doing this to finally sate my hunger.

I should be a lot less surprised that Red apparently has a thing for vore, really. It fits surprisingly well with the way his mind selectively filtered out experiences in past moments in this story such as his killing of Michi.

“Let me go, let me go, let me go!” she squeals and claws against my fleshy muzzle, but they’re like scratches of a beetle at best. I shove her in deeper. In her struggles, another flavor begins to seep through the dirt. It’s sweet, it’s gentle… it’s pecha.

And I can no longer control myself.

I push her into my throat and the primal reflex takes over. All the right muscles contract to press her further down, stretching the gullet to its limits. It hurts. It hurts, but I can’t stop grinning.

Silence reigns as the oversized lump makes its painful way through my neck and chest. My pulse is deafening. The back of my brain tingles with its growing lack of oxygen, but my windpipe is blocked. Only once the mass has reached the bottom of the ribcage can I draw in my first breath in seconds.

Red, have you turned into a Houndoom, or some sort of lizard/snake here? Since wild canids in general are a lot more “shreddy” about their kills.

I’m a little surprised that Red didn’t fantasize about ripping Michi apart with his jaws given how much he identifies with Houndoom and how that’s basically another day ending in ‘y’ compared to his average ritual murder, but I assume that might have been a meta choice to keep things from going too far into ‘dead dove’ territory in terms of a disturbing experience.

I breathe hard and fast to revitalize my brain. Multicolored sparks fizzle at the edge of my sight. Oh, Gods. Maybe that wasn’t smart. But the satiation more than makes up for it.

This sounds like a recipe to wind up barfing, just saying. Maybe it’s the salmon doing funky things to you right now.

On perhaps the seventh inhalation, I notice my breath is through a human mouth. I take a glance around, and while it’s blurry as hell, I can tell both my body and my room have returned to the way they were before. I suppose all good things must come to an end.

Too hot and too sweaty to sleep in, I remove my pants and throw them into the corner before crawling back into my bed. Finally, I can have a proper rest. A relieved smile forms onto my lips.

No more nightmares.

Well, for now, anyways. Color me doubtful that you’re out of the woods considering some of the titles on the chapter listing.

Well, that was… something. Like it’s definitely a very no-holds barred depiction of Red and the sorts of stuff his mind gets up to as a serial killer with a tenuous grasp on reality, and succeeds quite well at being an unsettling read. That’s not to say that it doesn’t succeed as a character study, it does that quite well, and mechanically the chapter was quite polished for prose. It’s always quite something to see the disconnect between Red in his mind and Red as he actually is, which is used to particularly hilarious effect in the incident with the grocery store clerk. I’m not really convinced that this is the last we’ve seen of “Michi” or Red’s nightmares, since… well, the story title is what it is, but I suppose the story of what the ‘haunting’ Red has to put up with will be a story for another chapter and another day.

I don’t have too much to criticize, with most of the things that I found while reading through the chapter basically being small stylistic nitpicks related to paragraph formatting or a couple small typos/dangling words that I spotted. I’m of two minds about the last segment of the dream sequence involving Michi. On the one hand, part of me was surprised that it didn’t go full unflinching about Red brutally murdering her onscreen considering the way some of Red’s past violent ideation episodes have been in this story, and it feels fairly consistent with his character. On the other hand, I realize that might have been a bridge too far for a decent swath of readers to stomach given that the leadup already got nice and uncomfortable to read, and there’s a case that the more surreal nature of how the dream plays out lends itself better to being a dream sequence and the way Red has a habit of dipping in and out between fantasy and reality, so I can’t really fault this story for taking the tack that it does.

Hope the feedback was fun and helpful, @canisaries . And best of luck with your current writings.
 
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