Pokémon Hunter, Haunted

[StolenMadWolf]

Welp. I really went flying into this one. I know you reviewed some of my stuff before and dang, your stuff goes flying off in directions I was not expecting. Something to keep an eye on I suppose. I’ll be focusing on the Prologue (The Original one) as well as the first two chapters for this review. As a disclaimer, I tend to go through worldbuilding, characters and plot over anything else, specifically grammar and writing itself. However, I’ll try and cover all these bases when I can.

So with that… let us begin.

Spoiler: Prologue and Chapters 1-2 Review

So, the prologue. Not the alternate one, but the original. And damn, is it gruesome. I have read some horror stories in the past that don’t really hold back on the shear amount of… colourful content, nevermind horror movies. But it’s still a pretty big slap in the face. But putting that firmly to one side, you definitely capture the image of someone who has truly started losing it. No tip-toing around that fact, between his casual thoughts to the horror as well as elation of being, what, possessed? That is definitely striking.

We then roll over to the first chapter, and we take a bit of a breather here. We are still seeing things from the very twisted perspective of Red here, and the first person perspective in this writing is something that can’t really be understated here. It really does add to the story in a why that third person could never properly show off. And as a bonus, it’s clear as day that despite his… insanity might be a bit strong a word but… troubled… mind is torn somewhat. He’s very much praising of this ‘HIM’ and what he is hoping to get with nutty fevour to the point of flat out religious worship, but… well, he’s stumbling. He keeps trying to call his Pokemon it rather than the normal pronouns… and naturally fails a lot in the process. His finding the natural world dull, boring and plain is also adding depth to his character… whilst also still highlighting how mad the guy actually is. Look, bear with me on this one, the guy is a murderer, I’m not really going to be that sympathetic to the guy. And that’s before he nearly snaps and tries killing everyone in the store before reeling himself back in. Jaysus this guys is completely nuts.

I’m going to jump on ahead here, because he soon starts seeing hints that his victim is still being searched for far and wide, and then he’s right in the shit when he works out that victim has come back to life as a Pokemon ghost. Cue a real worry for the victim as our villain starts following her and her new friend. Now, I’m immediately rooting for this young girl here, because not only is she a lot more friendly and helpful, but also manages to pick up this murderer and actually puts him on the backfoot for the better part of a few minutes. God if only she took him out here and there. Yeah, I’m biased to what appears to be the good guys here, no matter how much mental help the protagonist actually needs. That essentially fills out Chapter 2, which essentially continues over the previous chapter and seems like a good point to stop.

Okay, I’m just going to admit it. This isn’t really my kind of thing. I’ve read up and seen some real pieces of work in fiction, but I’m already rooting for Red to meet some horrific demise. I’ve read some really bloody horror too, but that at least had characters you could kinda root for when looking through their viewpoints, even if they turned nasty. So far apart from his semi-partial restraint and possible depression… sorry, I’m not giving Red any sympathy points. And this is coming off the back of reading a fan-fic which talks about second chances.

That being said, the writing itself is solid with no grammar issues glaring at me, and you do succeed in getting us into Red’s head here, I won’t deny that, it is really effective writing. There are also really good characters here to root for too, but given who the protagonist is… yeah, I’m not exactly fully confident there.

In truth, I probably won’t end up reading through more of this, it’s not really my cup of tea as I stated, and I’d just spend the time, well, awaiting the villain’s painful demise. But I cannot deny that it is a compelling read that does it’s job excellently, and clearly you’ve got some interest in and like writing it. I can’t argue with that. Keep up the writing.

 

[canisaries]

@StolenMadWolf Thanks for the review!

It's totally fine that this isn't your thing! You gave it a fair shot and it just wasn't in the cards. I do want to mention a few things before you go, though, so that you're left with a more accurate understanding of what this story's trying to do.

I would consider Hunter, Haunted a character study. It's meant to portray and explore this particular character with these particular traits and beliefs. That isn't to say that there isn't a plot, but the goal is not to get the reader on Red's side. It's to see what happens when this Guy is put into this Situation and how he copes with it and how it changes him. I can already say that he's not going to to become a good person as he's too far gone for that, but perhaps he'll realize that he can't keep going the way he's going.

That in mind, it's still perfectly understandable for someone not to want to read a story about a guy like this. I just wanted to clear things up a bit.

Thanks again, and see you around!

 

[ShiniGojira]

Hello, how are ya? Hopefully fine! Here's my review for catnip and it's fresh and hot!

So chapter 1 was a pretty interesting one. I remember from my earlier review of the two prologues that the narration felt a bit weird due to the 'vibe' I expected but I'll be honest and say that the chapter did well to segue from the dark, grim description of murder and whatnot of the prologue, to a more 'normal' atmosphere.

The depression written from Red's perspective was also nice to read, it conveyed a lot about Red's current mental state and nicely builds up to the near breakdown done later in the supermarket. Kinda funny how he keeps saying he's fine when he nearly went crazy from a baby crying.

The subtle worldbuilding around the chapter was also interesting. With Pokémon being on more equal terms with humans rather than being pets and stuff. I do wonder how that came to be since this Red was presumably spawned from 'Twitch plays' due to all the Helix and stuff.

Then come the big conflict in the form of police investigation and Yamask. With how jittery and nervous he got from just being near his victim's family member, I don't know how he'll last under deeper scrutiny especially with Ms Yamask trying to unmask her killer to the cops.

And here's a few line-by-line comments:

But I don’t do either. I can’t do either. Because to do those human things, you'd have to be human.

Huh, he's already that far gone eh?

Even if I know it's completely useless, as I can't show it to anyone pre-ascension,

Why not?.. is it because it contains all kinds of demonic rituals and torture methods?

No! No, I shouldn't. I shouldn't interrupt HIM - HE must be hard at work, making preparations and gathering strength

Yes, busy being the goofy little fossil octopus thingy he is.

No, I have to teach them. It’s my duty. I’m the only one who understands. The only one with a knife, the only one with the power. Yes, I should be the predator to rid the ecosystem of these pathetic slobs. The fearow to dive into this swarm of fat rattata and impale them with its beak and talons.

Oh jeez, his thoughts turned dark a lot quicker than I expected and it's all because of a baby crying. He's scary, petty and unstable. Weirdly enough this scene kinda reminds me of Broly from DBZ... am I weird for thinking that?

almost ask why they're looking here and not in Viridian where she lived, but remember swiftly that I don't want to go to jail. They probably have looked in Viridian, anyway, but why come to Pallet? Does the family live here? Will the investigation take place in this town? Shit…

Oof, guess this is where things get intense.

Anywho, that should be it for now. This chapter's certainly peaked my interest and if I have the time, I'll try and see if I can get a couple chapters down next time. Hope you have a great rest of your day! Take care.

 

[canisaries]

Thank you for the lovely review, ShiniGojira!

The subtle worldbuilding around the chapter was also interesting. With Pokémon being on more equal terms with humans rather than being pets and stuff. I do wonder how that came to be since this Red was presumably spawned from 'Twitch plays' due to all the Helix and stuff.

The reason Pokémon can talk in this universe actually is precisely because of the Twitch Plays origin. Twitch Plays lore made several of the team members of the games' main characters into fully-fledged people, and I didn't want to lose that when I originally started writing stories in this universe. While it makes it a bit weird and sometimes even alienating, I'm glad I went for that since it gave me a lot of interesting material to explore - not so much in this particular story, but the other ones.

That's all I had to add. Thanks again!