StolenMadWolf
Loony Moony
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Welp. I really went flying into this one. I know you reviewed some of my stuff before and dang, your stuff goes flying off in directions I was not expecting. Something to keep an eye on I suppose. I’ll be focusing on the Prologue (The Original one) as well as the first two chapters for this review. As a disclaimer, I tend to go through worldbuilding, characters and plot over anything else, specifically grammar and writing itself. However, I’ll try and cover all these bases when I can.
So with that… let us begin.
Okay, I’m just going to admit it. This isn’t really my kind of thing. I’ve read up and seen some real pieces of work in fiction, but I’m already rooting for Red to meet some horrific demise. I’ve read some really bloody horror too, but that at least had characters you could kinda root for when looking through their viewpoints, even if they turned nasty. So far apart from his semi-partial restraint and possible depression… sorry, I’m not giving Red any sympathy points. And this is coming off the back of reading a fan-fic which talks about second chances.
That being said, the writing itself is solid with no grammar issues glaring at me, and you do succeed in getting us into Red’s head here, I won’t deny that, it is really effective writing. There are also really good characters here to root for too, but given who the protagonist is… yeah, I’m not exactly fully confident there.
In truth, I probably won’t end up reading through more of this, it’s not really my cup of tea as I stated, and I’d just spend the time, well, awaiting the villain’s painful demise. But I cannot deny that it is a compelling read that does it’s job excellently, and clearly you’ve got some interest in and like writing it. I can’t argue with that. Keep up the writing.
So with that… let us begin.
So, the prologue. Not the alternate one, but the original. And damn, is it gruesome. I have read some horror stories in the past that don’t really hold back on the shear amount of… colourful content, nevermind horror movies. But it’s still a pretty big slap in the face. But putting that firmly to one side, you definitely capture the image of someone who has truly started losing it. No tip-toing around that fact, between his casual thoughts to the horror as well as elation of being, what, possessed? That is definitely striking.
We then roll over to the first chapter, and we take a bit of a breather here. We are still seeing things from the very twisted perspective of Red here, and the first person perspective in this writing is something that can’t really be understated here. It really does add to the story in a why that third person could never properly show off. And as a bonus, it’s clear as day that despite his… insanity might be a bit strong a word but… troubled… mind is torn somewhat. He’s very much praising of this ‘HIM’ and what he is hoping to get with nutty fevour to the point of flat out religious worship, but… well, he’s stumbling. He keeps trying to call his Pokemon it rather than the normal pronouns… and naturally fails a lot in the process. His finding the natural world dull, boring and plain is also adding depth to his character… whilst also still highlighting how mad the guy actually is. Look, bear with me on this one, the guy is a murderer, I’m not really going to be that sympathetic to the guy. And that’s before he nearly snaps and tries killing everyone in the store before reeling himself back in. Jaysus this guys is completely nuts.
I’m going to jump on ahead here, because he soon starts seeing hints that his victim is still being searched for far and wide, and then he’s right in the shit when he works out that victim has come back to life as a Pokemon ghost. Cue a real worry for the victim as our villain starts following her and her new friend. Now, I’m immediately rooting for this young girl here, because not only is she a lot more friendly and helpful, but also manages to pick up this murderer and actually puts him on the backfoot for the better part of a few minutes. God if only she took him out here and there. Yeah, I’m biased to what appears to be the good guys here, no matter how much mental help the protagonist actually needs. That essentially fills out Chapter 2, which essentially continues over the previous chapter and seems like a good point to stop.
We then roll over to the first chapter, and we take a bit of a breather here. We are still seeing things from the very twisted perspective of Red here, and the first person perspective in this writing is something that can’t really be understated here. It really does add to the story in a why that third person could never properly show off. And as a bonus, it’s clear as day that despite his… insanity might be a bit strong a word but… troubled… mind is torn somewhat. He’s very much praising of this ‘HIM’ and what he is hoping to get with nutty fevour to the point of flat out religious worship, but… well, he’s stumbling. He keeps trying to call his Pokemon it rather than the normal pronouns… and naturally fails a lot in the process. His finding the natural world dull, boring and plain is also adding depth to his character… whilst also still highlighting how mad the guy actually is. Look, bear with me on this one, the guy is a murderer, I’m not really going to be that sympathetic to the guy. And that’s before he nearly snaps and tries killing everyone in the store before reeling himself back in. Jaysus this guys is completely nuts.
I’m going to jump on ahead here, because he soon starts seeing hints that his victim is still being searched for far and wide, and then he’s right in the shit when he works out that victim has come back to life as a Pokemon ghost. Cue a real worry for the victim as our villain starts following her and her new friend. Now, I’m immediately rooting for this young girl here, because not only is she a lot more friendly and helpful, but also manages to pick up this murderer and actually puts him on the backfoot for the better part of a few minutes. God if only she took him out here and there. Yeah, I’m biased to what appears to be the good guys here, no matter how much mental help the protagonist actually needs. That essentially fills out Chapter 2, which essentially continues over the previous chapter and seems like a good point to stop.
Okay, I’m just going to admit it. This isn’t really my kind of thing. I’ve read up and seen some real pieces of work in fiction, but I’m already rooting for Red to meet some horrific demise. I’ve read some really bloody horror too, but that at least had characters you could kinda root for when looking through their viewpoints, even if they turned nasty. So far apart from his semi-partial restraint and possible depression… sorry, I’m not giving Red any sympathy points. And this is coming off the back of reading a fan-fic which talks about second chances.
That being said, the writing itself is solid with no grammar issues glaring at me, and you do succeed in getting us into Red’s head here, I won’t deny that, it is really effective writing. There are also really good characters here to root for too, but given who the protagonist is… yeah, I’m not exactly fully confident there.
In truth, I probably won’t end up reading through more of this, it’s not really my cup of tea as I stated, and I’d just spend the time, well, awaiting the villain’s painful demise. But I cannot deny that it is a compelling read that does it’s job excellently, and clearly you’ve got some interest in and like writing it. I can’t argue with that. Keep up the writing.
