rated mature for violence against a minor, blood, strong language.
Well, that’s a good™ sign for Michi’s life expectancy already.
Really good™ sign for her life expectancy there.
It's quiet.
No wind, nothing. Only my own breath and the pounding in my chest. Frantic, but second by second slowing down to a calmer, if still fast, rhythm.
But… I killed her. Shouldn't I be back? Looking around, everything is still muted, hazy… dreamlike. If killing her is not the way back, then what…
...is my face… drying?
Wait, ghostmons
bleed in this setting? Or what is it that he got on his face there?
It feels… crusty, ugh. And cool. Cold. A layer of something is forming onto it. Solidifying. Is it...
Oh Gods. I gotta open my mouth before --
“Mmphh!”
It's too late! My mouth, my nostrils - they're sealed shut!
Wait, is that
Mummy that’s affecting Red there? I wasn’t expecting it to work on a human, though yeah, I suppose that’s a sign that Red didn’t do sufficient homework for his brilliant “let’s kill Joanna” plan.
Nails! Fuck, no, nails don't do anything! Only screeches, screeches from the scraping. And the air, the air in my lungs, losing its oxygen, turning sour, toxic...
What is this? Joanna's last attempt at vengeance? Some sort of automatic curse? It's already the second time this mask has tried to suffocate me, but at least last time --
Crack!
I gasp. Air. It's back. My face feels warm, normal. The world’s still a blur, but the colors… richer colors… blink. Blink blink blink. Getting clearer. The cabin. Normal colors. Am I back? I can hear something… the wind! I'm back. Gods, thank the Gods.
I mean, it’d be a pretty short story if Red just suffocated here, though I take it that’s the origin for the mask on Red’s face in the art for this story.
… Which implies that this isn’t the
last time we’ve seen it in this story.
I collapse to my knees from both exhaustion and relief. The knife drops from my hand, landing next to me on the cool wooden planks. I inhale, exhale, shakily repeat. Blood rushes to my brain and eyes. I'm coming back to life.
Something gleams on the floor. Shards. Golden. Of the mask? Must be. It broke on my face. That was that impact I felt. What caused that? What caused this whole thing? Was this… was this just transition to reality? I… I guess. I mean, the shift to the spiritual plane or whatever it was also had me nearly suffocating, only fitting that...
A sizzle. The shards. They've caught fire. White fire, the same that took Joanna. Does that mean it's ending? Truly ending this time? Yes. Yes! Burn!
Huh. I see you’re certainly keeping us on our toes for where things will go in this chapter, since I wasn’t expecting him to get out of that mask so easily.
“H…hah...hahaha…”
Why that laughter is leaving my body, I don’t know, but it feels appropriate.
The fire consumes the shards and, like smoke, dissipates in the air. The floor below isn't even charred.
It really is over now.
My ears catch the sound of something shifting behind me. I turn my head. It’s Michi, on the bench. She’s trying to get away. But her startled eyes tell me being spotted has stopped that for now.
Right, I still have her to deal with…
I grab my knife, or try to - the first two tries miss, I guess because I’m still a bit out of it. But on the third try, my palm catches the silky hilt, and I’m reunited with my dear partner.
Well damn, we’re about to see a child murder onscreen at this rate. I wasn’t fully expecting that, but you can’t say that it’s not in-character for Red here.
I get up, and -- whoa, whoa, I’m light. I mean, I can feel the weight of each limb, but they’re light as feathers to move. Have I always been this strong?
I catch my reflection in the mirror and study it further. I’m tall. My shoulders, wide, while my waist is narrow… a silhouette so masculine, yet so graceful. And look at that pretty face, pretty hair! By the Gods, I’m beautiful! No wonder HE chose me! I’m perfect!
I take off my gloves and inspect my hands. Such nice hands. I want to feel this reality with them, no fabric in the way.
Red, I’m pretty sure that if Helix is real, that he’s screaming externally right now for you being this dumb about being this sloppy about your murders.
I turn to Michi. She’s so small. Afraid. And I'm so not that. The contrast is almost tangible.
But, yeah… I guess now I should get the spores and put her under so I can carve the memory erasing seal onto her skin. She’ll have a weird scar and maybe wonder what that is, but nothing should tie it to me. No one will remember Joanna's ghost, save for a few people that may have caught a glimpse, and I'll get away with this just like I've gotten away with all the other murders. Man, it's so easy. Killing people is so easy!
Not that I’m expecting it to bail Michi out here, but this feels like it’s
heavily tempting fate right now, Red.
I walk over to the bag, about to zip it open, but stop. After I've drugged her and carved the seal… this'll all be over. I'll just go home and - well, I will perform that exorcism just in case, but besides that… nothing more. I'll return to my boring life and be right where I started. Nothing gained from this adventure, only a danger patched up.
Narrator: “Things will not go back to normal since there’s almost two-thirds of the story left-”
Red: “Shut up and let me kill this brat in peace, okay?!”
But just take a look at what you have here. A scared little girl tied up and you feeling like a god. Your bloodthirst still unquenched. You need to get that out of your system. Killing a ghost didn't do it. But how about… a chase?
Red, this is
literally the definition of a dumb risk that you’re taking because you’re bored right now.
I study Michi with my eyes, and she answers the gaze with uncertainty and fear. Young child, girl, pink hair. Come on, now, she's a personification of innocence. And you? You kill people. You serve the Lord of Predators. You’re the ideal evil - a concept that doesn't exist to you, but does for a narrative. You like being the bad guy. You love it. You always saw the Big Bad Houndoom as something to admire. That's what you wanted to be, powerful and feared. And now you're in the woods, in grandma's cabin. Do you need it spelled out for you?
I take it that Red doesn’t watch many animal documentaries about how the reality behind predators is often a lot less sexy than the mythos, huh?
“Hey, Michi…” I start. My voice is deep. Intimidating. Masculine. I really hit the jackpot with this set of genes! “You know how I said I wouldn't hurt you?”
She recoils.
“No, don't worry, that still stands. I just want to… play a little before we say goodbye.”
Michi: -muffled- “I’m
aura-sensitive, you idiot! I
know that you’re lying to me right now!”
Red: “What’s that? ‘My knife’s about to slip?’ Well then, that would be
really unfortunate for you, now wouldn’t-”
Michi: -muffled- “On second thought, playing’s fine with me, really.”
With my knife, I saw through the tape binding her shins together. I half expect a kick, but none comes. That's a good girl.
“This is actually great for you, you know,” I say, grabbing the wool-lined hood of her coat, and prompt her to stand up with my knife. I escort her outside and continue.
“What I'm gonna do is let you go. You're going to run, and after a while, I'll come after you. If I catch you, I'll do what I was planning to do and wipe your memory of this whole incident. But if you get away… you get away. And you can tell the world all about what happened here today. Avenge Joanna, if you want to think of it like that. Doesn't that sound great?”
And thus, this story wound up becoming a fourteen chapter tale instead of ending with Michi getting dismembered in a shack and Red calling it a day and going home. Since I can already tell he’s
heavily going to wind up regretting not just killing Michi quickly later on even if he manages to have the last laugh.
I smile at her, and while the duct tape covers her mouth, I'm pretty sure she doesn't smile back.
I mean, she kinda has the means to tell that you’re lying through your teeth and messing with her, just saying, Red.
I pat her shoulder. “You're a pretty impressive kid, Michi. I trust you to give me a good chase.”
I clear my throat. “Alright. When I say ‘go’ and take my hand off your shoulder, you have my permission - and order - to run like hell. Do you understand?”
She nods, and for the first time in a while, a spark of hope ignites in her eyes. So she still has some of that in her. May it fuel her and guide her way in these dense woods.
Um… Red? Doesn’t she
regularly go through these woods? Are you sure that you know
every part of it better than her?
I draw in a deep breath. The air is cool, fresh. Still and calm. Before the storm. And now, it’s time.
“Get ready, Michi.”
She tenses up beneath my hand. I tense up, too.
“Three. Two. One...”
The volume of my voice lowers with each word, making the final one barely more than a whisper.
“Go.”
Can’t tell if he’s actually going to give her a head start or just wait five seconds and dive after herl.
Like a day-old girafarig, she stumbles into a trot, then a gallop. I stretch my neck and back. Shed the mareep skin, let the bristly fur breathe. I wait for her to slip between the spruces at the edge of the opening. Then I begin.
Gravel flies at the cabin wall as I kick myself into motion. With a mere few strides, I’m already so fast. I dive into the woods, her pink hair in my sights.
Whelp, “five seconds” it is.
The forest terrain is lumpy and scattered with rocks and roots, but does it slow me down? No. Every step is as stable and secure as a tauros’, but as speedy and streamlined as those of a dodrio. They’re flightless, but still flying - this is not running, this is gliding. Splitting the air and pushing through it like any mon of the skies would.
But I am no bird, no bovine. I am a houndoom. Horns crown my head, pointed teeth line my jaws, scalding steam escapes my throat with every exhalation. I am a killing machine. While my prey...
Little feet, little body, so frail. A sparkless pichu, its usually rosy cheeks pale with fear. Too light to even make audible noise as its tiny paws tap the ground, when the houndoom’s thumps can be felt to the bone.
Well, that’s more than a little creepy and unsettling as parallelism. Makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time that Red’s knocked off a kid ever since going full serial killer.
Step, step, step, jump, step, hop, leap, step, step, duck, step. The houndoom knows only three things - the woods, the pichu and him. Nothing else matters, nothing else exists.
The pursuit goes on and on, but the houndoom gets ever closer to the pichu. The pichu wheezes. She weakens already. The houndoom’s fiery breath speaks as it rushes in and out of his lungs. Keep running. Don't you want to live?
Red: “I mean,
I know the answer to that question, not that it’s going to be helping you at all.”
Eight meters between the predator and his prey. Seven meters. A stream! She barely makes the jump. Five meters. Four meters. Dodge rock. Three meters. She can tell I’m right behind. Two meters. One meter. Pounce.
She screams.
Wait, she’s
able to scream through her gag right now?
Teeth clamp around her neck with the force of a tyranitar. The predator flips her over, then seizes her throat again. She gags. Her limbs flail. In vain. The grip gets tighter. Her blue eyes lose focus. Consciousness is leaving her. The last thing she will feel is pain as the houndoom drains her life to fuel his own.
But houndoom don’t have hands, do they?
They don’t. Then why are there hands? Wasn’t it supposed to be teeth around her neck, not hands? Wasn’t she supposed to be a fuzzy little pichu?
She’s not. She’s human. I’m human.
Wait –
I’m honestly surprised that he didn’t go straight for his knife right then and there and instead opted to try and strangle her.
The hands relax. I pull them back. The palms feel cool after the warm touch of her skin.
Beneath me lies Michi, motionless. Did I…
Hand shaking, I bring two fingers to her neck.
Thump, thump. Okay, she's not dead. She's just unconscious. Unconscious from… strangulation. By me.
Red: “Shut up, I’m working on that right now!” >_>;
But I… wasn't supposed to do that. I wasn't supposed to strangle her. And certainly not to death, as I just seemed to be doing. I was supposed to drug her and carve the seal… wait. Drug...
I left my bag back at the cabin. I wouldn’t have even been able to drug her. Did I totally forget? Was I thinking… at all?
No, since you’d have never let her leave that cabin alive if you were.
Well, I… I guess she’s passed out now anyway, so I should just make the seal. I unsheathe my knife and grab Michi’s right wrist, pulling back the sleeve of her coat.
But the red marks on her neck won't stop staring at me.
Those won't disappear in just a few minutes, will they? No, they'll become worse if anything. Bruises. Bruises that perfectly fit my hands. Could they even have my fingerprints?
Again, this is why you
weren’t supposed to take those gloves off before disposing of Michi, Red.
Well, that won’t even matter if they won’t stop until they catch the perp, and since this is a child, they won’t. They’ll sniff at any and every clue they’ve got to get their justice. Even if I were to drag this corpse to that stream we crossed a while back and washed her neck clean of any skin cells I might have shed on it, even if I took my knife and carved off that skin entirely --
Saliva floods my mouth at the image. No, no! Am I still so thirsty for blood? Did that strangling do nothing for me? Can I not be satisfied by anything less than a proper kill?
What prevents me from having one now?
The set of rules that you apparently have to follow for Lord Helix, since realistically, there’s not a lot of good arguments
not to go all the way at this point since Michi knows
way too much about what you’ve been up to.
No, no, no. I couldn't do that here. Way too messy. But couldn't all traces be wiped by a disintegration circle? No, I can't count on that - blood might seep deeper into the earth, for one, and the stench of her insides would stick to me… not that a circle would even fit here, either. Too many trees. But I will have to make one anyway - I can't let her live, not with those marks on her neck. I have to dispose of her body. I just… have to find some spot open enough for the circle to fit, first. And I better make sure she doesn't wake up in the meantime and needlessly complicate things…
I feel that the logic behind “I can’t just strangle her”, which is apparently something that is firmly out of bounds for Red here ought to be communicated more firmly. Like my assumption is that it’s some flavor of “because Lord Helix demands it”, but “strangling Michi and
then disintegrating her body that didn’t bleed buckets everywhere” feels like a pretty straightforward solution to Red’s problem here. Given that he’s already halfway there to completing things, it probably makes sense to communicate what in his thought process is making him jump through all these extra hoops of not taking the simple solution to his problems.
I take out my knife and - after fending off the urge to gut her right there and then - cut a piece of duct tape from the bind around her ankles. I glue it onto her nostrils as best as I can, lift her up the same way as before and try my best not to topple over. Sturdily enough on my two feet, I bring her back the way I came, eyes constantly scanning for an opening near the path.
I’m just holding onto that for future reference since I’m not convinced that that’s the last that we’ve heard of things.
Through my rapid breaths, I pick up a strange aroma. It's sweet, like pechas. Is it coming from Michi? Why… why would she smell this sweet? Is it perfume? No, I never smelled it earlier! But I can't help my curiosity - if this is how she smells, how would she t-
An opening! There! Finally. I sprint to reach it and drop the girl in the middle. She lands roughly, but she's as good as dead already, it doesn't matter. Her head turns to the side, exposing her neck again, and my teeth, my teeth want to bite into it…
No, remember, way too messy. You can't do it. You can't…
Yeah, I take it that there’s more than a little bit of a “me” angle here for Red insisting that his kills
need to be bloody given that this could literally be over with about an extra minute of pressure on Michi’s throat.
But what if just a little? Just a little taste? If her scent is so sweet, her blood, her blood must be even sweeter. Just a little taste. Make sure no blood hits the earth. That's possible. That's quick. Just a little taste.
I pull back the sleeve of her left arm. Her wrist is so thin, her arm so dainty, her skin so pure… but force of habit makes me swipe it a few times anyway.
Well,
that’s not creepy at all there.
I take my knife and - this is it. I place its tip between the flexor tendons and press.
As the blade sinks in, red nectar surfaces. The smell surges. Yes, more. I drag the tip downward, cleaving the skin further. More blood. It’s so vibrant. It almost glows. It begins to drip --
No, I can’t let it drop off. It’d be incriminating - and I don’t want a droplet of it to go to waste…
Which, again. Would not be an issue if you
killed her in the shack, Red.
I lean in, brushing the skin with my lips, gathering the blood. As soon as it spreads to my taste buds, my inhibitions vanish. I cover the wound with my mouth entirely.
The taste of blood... the salty taste of life, of pain, of death… there was a time it sickened me, as it usually does for humans, but HE changed that. There’s no nausea, no gag reflexes when it comes to this substance. What replaced it was an overwhelming urge to touch it, feel it, consume it.
I close my eyes and jut my tongue deeper into the incision, feeling the forms of the tendons. The warmth of this flesh... it ignites a flame in my heart. It drills my nails deeper into her skin. It gets me draining, sucking out the sacred fluid, quenching the houndoom’s thirst.
JFC, Red.
Hot. Vivid in color. Rich in flavor. The beauty of this blood, this moment, can’t be explained in any logical way - it’s a rose, a fire in the night, the rising moon, the spring morning. But most importantly, it’s…
HIM.
The divinity is unmistakable. HE is in this hunt, HE is in this feast. HE is right beside me, approving, advocating. This is HIS bidding I am doing. I am HIS vessel, embodiment. I am the gorge through which HIS river flows, the fuel with which HE burns...
Red.
I freeze.
Did I imagine that? Or did HE really…
Well then, Helix or whatever part of Red’s mind stands in for him appears to have entered the chat.
No, that’s impossible. HIS vessel is all the way back at the basement, and that’s where HIS spirit is tethered to. Last time I asked, HIS powers could only properly reach five meters away --
But this is not last time.
My breath halts.
My lord… is that really YOU?
Yes, my priest. It is I.
Red:
“Um… what are you doing here right now? Aren’t you supposed to be in my basement?”
My breath breaks free from its restraints and gallops like a runaway rapidash. HIM… here. Several kilometers from home. The only way HE could have gained so much power in that little time is if --
Yes.
Everything has quieted. The wind, the distant traffic, all of it. All I hear are HIS words.
Ascension is here.
Oh, well
that’s totally positive and not ominous at all there.
Ascension.
The merging of man and god.
The beginning of a new era. The return of the Helixian kingdom. The rising of the houndoom above the mareep.
Now?
Now.
Well, Michi might actually live beyond this chapter after all at this rate with the way that Red is just stopping everything for this connection to Helix here.
I… I don’t know how to react. I mean…
Simply open your eyes and witness.
Open my eyes…
I wish that was as easily done as said. Just parting my eyelids, what’s the problem? Well, it’s the earthshaking terror that, when I do open those eyes, I see nothing. I see the woods and Michi’s body and myself on the ground and nothing else. That this’ll have been some kind of waking dream and nothing more. Another… another delusion like the one that left me strangling that girl against all my intentions. More proof that I’m not stable anymore. Not sane anymore. That I won’t make it until the real ascension, whenever that would come. If it would even come…
Oh, so Red has some level of
cognizance that he’s not fully right in the head. I actually don’t remember if he also did that in earlier chapters, but it’s an interesting dynamic there.
Red.
[ ] I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to doubt YOU! But is it really YOU? I guess asking that’s also doubting, but, my lord, I’d hate to worship a false image, a-and I just don’t think I can be sure –
If you want to better juxtapose Red’s whole “apex predator” complex with his whole cowed reaction here, I wonder if it would’ve made sense to get into his head a bit more and show a bit more of that reflexive “not very Houndoom-y” panic playing out here.
Red, open your eyes. I promise I will be there.
I pause to catch my breath before either lack or excess of oxygen scrambles my brain even further.
HE promises to be there. HE has never lied to me before. But whether this is an illusion… only by facing it fully can I know for sure.
Trembling, I force my eyelids apart.
I see Michi’s hand still in my grasp. I see dead needles and gravel on the ground beneath my knees.
He’s really just going to leave her there because fossil mollusk god demanded his immediate attention, huh?
Nothing unusual yet, but I am just staring at the ground.
I withdraw my tongue from the girl's wound and swallow whatever blood is left in my mouth. I put her arm down gently. More blood emerges from the flesh, threatening to overflow in a matter of seconds - but confirming this ascension's authenticity will only take a glance.
Though I kinda wonder how much of this Red is making up on the spot in his mind, since Helix didn’t articulate what the sign to expect would be, and a more sober-minded Red would understand that this is just Michi’s uncoagulated wound doing uncoagulated wound things.
I place my hands on the ground for stability and look up.
A tall, bearded man of white robes and bronze skin stares back, a gentle welcome in his golden eyes.
It's real.
For a second, I was expecting that to be Bird Jesus there from the aesthetics. I’m surprised that Helix is appearing as a proper human though in Red’s mind as opposed to a more TPP-vibing appearance, but I suppose that it probably works better with the story’s harder-edged theming.
I wheeze in elated relief, throwing myself on the ground before him so fast I almost hit my head.
"There is no longer need for that," the man says, his voice as deep as always. "WE shall soon be as equals."
I’m… not convinced that that’s something you should be looking forward to, red.
WE. The word is pure ecstasy. HIM and I, as one and the same. HIS soul and mine, sharing my flesh.
"Arise, my priest."
I needn't be told twice. I get up and nearly dust myself off before remembering there's no longer any need. Dirt, clothes... a god has no need to worry about any such trivialities.
I did a double-take there since for a second from the “clothes” not mattering mention, I thought that Red was actively in the process of taking his off.
The man - in other words, HE in the form of the first Helixian king, Kohath - steps to me. One would expect an aura of intimidation from a frame like his, but instead, he radiates benevolence. Like a loving father. Or how I'd imagine one to feel, anyway.
Wait, is that an actual thing from TPP mythos, or was that created as a part of this story?
He extends a hand and places it onto my cheek. The warmth of his palm melts away all tension in my body. I lean into his caress. He strokes my skin softly with his thumb, and I find myself so relaxed I can barely keep my eyes open.
"You have served me well," he murmurs, his voice pouring over me like molten caramel. "And now, you have even surpassed yourself - offering to me such a young, fragile specimen."
What does he mean? Michi? I guess I killed her… yeah, I guess I killed a child… it wasn't for HIM, but HE can certainly have her if HE so wishes.
I guess that means that Red hit an artery with that attempt to nick her arm there. Either that, or he strangled her a bit more thoroughly than he thought.
"To butcher a child means to embody the ruthlessness of a true predator," Kohath continues. "One more than qualified to remake the Helixian Kingdom."
His hand slides down my cheek onto my neck and travels along my arm. Having reached my hand, he takes it into his own, fingers interlocked. His other hand he slips into my hair at the back of my head. His warmth draws me onto him like a magnet - and while I flinch at my loss of control, he makes no motions to reject me. I can hear the beating of his heart, and it’s perfectly calm. The exact opposite of the drumroll in my own chest.
"Now,” he whispers - his breath like wind rustling autumn leaves - “the moment has come to meld US into one."
Red:
The space between his hand and mine lights up, glowing a soft white. It’s hot, but it doesn’t hurt - in fact, it’s somewhat pleasurable. The glow spreads across his hand, following the veins as if flowing through them.
I wince as a sudden pain slashes across my palm, but Kohath’s embrace stays gentle. A warmth enters my hand through the wound I suppose has formed, and it too begins to seep up my veins - with that same glow. Meanwhile, his hand… begins to dissolve, depleting as the light spreads further.
Wait, did Red just cut himself there, or…? Though I suppose that given that he’s not exactly tethered to reality right now, that he wouldn’t necessarily perceive things as they are actually happening.
He really is flowing into me. He really is merging his body with mine. I’m going to… have HIM inside me, fully. HE will conquer every blood vessel, every cell’s cytoplasm. HE will… saturate me. I will become one with HIM. I will inherit HIS power. HIS control over everything. Anything material and anything immaterial. Existence. My existence. I can become what I want. I can think and feel how I want. I can banish any pain, any dread, any sorrow. I can feel euphoria unimaginable by any mortal. And… and I will never have to die.
The light continues its spread. It crawls up my arm, digging into the muscles and pumping them full of strength unprecedented anywhere in the animal kingdom, unmatched by the strongest of man and mon. This is what just a little part of HIM feels like. HIS full, unfiltered power would surely fry my mortal brain, pop it like a lightbulb burning out - but fortunately that light will soon reach my head, my very consciousness, and elevate my existence to an entirely new level.
He’s rolling around in the dirt and spasming back in real life right now, isn’t he?
The only thing I'll miss - no, I won't miss anything after I've ascended. What I hate to give up now, while corporeal sensations still matter, is this moment.
The light of divinity tingling in my veins. The warmth of Kohath’s embrace, his hand still in my hair. But most important of all is the knowledge that it’s all over. All worry, all strife. No more sleepless nights, no more empty days. No need to hide my true self, no need to fear getting caught. I’m free, free and safe. Safe from the police, witnesses, shrinks, judges, prison, death.
Okay, so what’s going to be the thing that waltzes up and pisses in his cheerios here? Since I’m not convinced that the next 9 chapters are just going to be Red tripping out in ecstasy from this “ascension” with Helix.
Happiness is no longer embedded in stone, needing to be clawed out with fingers bleeding. Instead, everything, every single thing... is finally alright.
I close my eyes and cradle my head on Kohath’s shoulder. I can let each of my muscles relax. HE has rewarded me not only with my deepest wish, but my unspoken desire - simply to be --
He yanks my head back by the hair. I open my eyes to find some answer on his face --
There is no face. There are only eyes, predator’s eyes gleaming yellow, and pitch black flames where his body used to be.
His glare drills into my soul.
AS IF YOU WOULD EVER BE ENOUGH.
Aaaaaand there it is. Lord Helix and his kings are cruel gods indeed.
He shoves me down. I expect to meet his chest, but go right through - there's nothing but air where he used to stand. I break my fall with my palms, sharp little stones in the gravel digging into my skin.
I look up, I look to my sides, I look behind me - but he's nowhere to be seen.
Only pines, spruces, needles, gravel, Michi's motionless body and myself.
"My lo-"
Red: “What… just
happened there?”
I don't even need to finish the sentence to realize I'm talking by myself. [ ]
I…
I don't get it. Why would HE come all the way here just to…
Oh. No. I understand now. It wasn't real. None of it was.
Another spot where it probably makes sense to expand on Red’s thought process here, especially if for a moment he thinks he’s outright been rejected by his god there and is panicking about it.
So in… in reality I'm… I'm still mortal. HE… hasn't expressed HIS readiness to ascend yet. HE still needs to wait for HIS powers to gather. I still need to wait…
...wait, wait, wait. I always have to wait. Just a little more, I tell myself, but a day goes by, a week goes by, a month, a year --
Grains of sand prick me under my fingernails as I form a fist around the gravel. I clench it tighter and tighter, driving the stones deeper into my palms. Hot tears squeeze their way out of my ducts and slip into the thousand creases formed by my agonized face.
Well,
that definitely just
sounded painful just reading it.
I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back to the fear. I don't wanna go back to the fear of all this being for nothing, that I've been tricked or that I'm insane, that I remember HIS words wrong, that there is no salvation and all I've done is throw away so much time from what precious little life I have –
I mean…
you said it, not me, Red.
No, don't even think it. If you think it, it might be real. You might make it real. You might see that there is no way out of this prison, this lifelong death row, the void that awaits when the brain dies and your thoughts die and you have no way left to make sense of the –
[ ]
Why? Why was this done? Why were we created? Why give us souls? Why put spirit into these machines, why -- are you proud, Third Being? Are you proud of it? This dance you make everyone do -- does it amuse you? Why does a god need to –
[ ]
I roll onto my side and hug my shins. Like a child. I wish I was still a child. I didn't think as much back then. I was…
I
kinda wonder if there should be a bit more of a transition between Red’s disjointed thoughts here. Like is there anything
particular that gets him to jump from one train of thought to the next one? If so, it’d probably be worth showing off.
I look at Michi over my shoulder. Yeah, I was like her. I sought adventure, experiences, mysteries… and every day I would learn something new. Each dawn had promise, and the world was full of possibilities.
But now I'm an adult and I know that what I am and what the world is don't mesh. I can't go to school, I can't get a job - I learned that years ago, and what happened at the supermarket today undeniably only highlights that. So all I can do is wait. Spend each day sitting at home, slowly drowning in the lack of things to do.
That's my life.
I mean, you could go and get an actual job, just saying. That’d certainly help with not having things to do.
Wait, shit!
I scramble up to my feet and glance around. Luckily, no one’s there, but -- how could I forget? How could it slip my mind that I need to get rid of -- no, don’t even waste time ruminating on that, get to work!
A branch, I need a branch… there’s one, that’ll do. I leap back to Michi and begin to draw the circle, fetching the details of the patterns from my memory and scratching them into the ground, checking them, double checking them… I think it’s finished. All it needs now is activation.
… Red, that’s a
tree branch. Are you sure that these ‘disintegration circles’ aren’t just how you parsed dousing bodies in gasoline and setting them on fire or something?
I pull out my knife and prick the tip of my little finger. A droplet of blood emerges slowly, like a reptile slithering out into the spring morning after a long hibernation, and I flick it down into the little circle at the edge of the ring. As soon as the grooves light up with a matching red glow, pang of regret seizes my heart.
… Well then, maybe this circle will actually work after all.
It doesn’t want Michi erased. It wants to keep her. She was extraordinary, she should be preserved. But I can’t. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t keep her around for a second longer - each second is a second closer to getting caught. She needs to go. I can’t even take a part of her, too bloody. Even her clothes would be suspicious. But why not --
I lunge at her and grab a lock of her pink hair. As soon as I’ve cut it free, I leap back out of the circle and take a few extra steps just to be sure. The light has spread halfway through the ring. I still had time to spare, but simply knowing what would’ve happened had I gotten caught within makes my heart pound.
In deafening silence, the light completes its journey around the circle and brightens. A membrane of that same washes over the contents of the circle - little Michi’s lifeless body. I take care to burn the image of her into my mind, diligently staring up until the --
Flash.
Huh, so the disintegration circles
are real. I suppose that’s something to keep in mind that not
everything about Red’s connection with Helix is just in his head.
It hurts my eyes and forces them shut, but at least I can rest assured I fully caught her final moments.
Now she’s gone, and only the pattern remains. A pattern I’ll also have to erase…
No better tool readily available, I kick the ground with my shoes until the pattern has vanished completely. Only then can I catch my breath, sit back down and let my muscles go limp.
Red, you realize that of all your victims you’ve killed up to this point, Michi has the
most connections that are going to try and figure out why she abruptly vanished from the face of the earth, right?
I close my eyes for some semblance of rest, but it’s not long before my mind returns exactly where it left off. That void is still there, staring at me, waiting for the moment my life comes to an end so it can swallow me whole. The bottomless pit under this bridge I’m trying to cross, a little tumbledown rope bridge that goes on and on, and all I can do is keep walking in the hopes that somewhere beyond the fog there’s solid ground, my salvation, but just as well it could end in nothing but two endless wooden poles keeping it up, and so I find I was bound to go down no matter what...
No, this is stupid. Nothing’s really changed, has it? Nothing between the start of that… hallucination and the end of it had an effect on my life. So why should I be freaking out? Couldn’t I just go on living like I did before?
You’re about nine dead people too late for that, Red. Just take your blood magic that’s apparently real to some extent and roll with it.
But can I? If a simple trip to the store almost ended in a bloodbath today, what about tomorrow? Will my urges get the better of me and drive me to make whatever fantasy slithers into my mind into a reality, completely blind to the consequences? Then they’ll shoot me dead or lock me up somewhere until death comes… and permanently ruin any chances I have of ascension.
I mean, given that you managed to blunder your way into an unscheduled killing today, that feels like a pretty relevant worry there.
Maybe I should…
No. I can’t bring this up with HIM. I’ve been stretching HIS patience too much already. HIM taking over in the last sacrifice was a good sign, sure, but I know HE still expects me to cast the omanyte out of my heart, and the progress on that has been little to none. Were I to come to HIM with yet another problem with my mind, HE might… HE might revoke my status as Bringer. HE might even consider me unfit to be any kind of predator, and then… I’d be slaughtered like all the other mareep.
I feel like the underlined might have made sense to play up a bit more in Red’s thought process earlier. Like
I get it from my memories of the original TPP, but it both feels like something that risks reader lockout and like a part of this story that hasn’t really been played up much up to this point.
Even if HE brushed off my doubts and pain as just side effects to being a predator in this world for prey, HE would likely ask for another sacrifice. I’d fail to get one properly in my current state, and then I’d practically be no better off than in the other scenario.
I sigh. So I’m on my own. It’s not like there’s anyone other than HIM I can talk to about this. And it’s not like they’d understand even if I did. They’d just call me crazy and tell me to get some mental help --
The psychiatrist. Could she possibly…
Oh, well. I think I know who Red’s tenth victim is going to wind up being.
No, no, no! You can’t let anyone know. Are you honestly naive enough to believe them when they say what’s discussed is confidential? If you told that psychologist how much you want to cut people open and play with their organs, you’d be dragged over to the nuthouse before nightfall. In what world would a society of caterpie willingly keep a spearow around?
To be fair, talking about
wanting to do things isn’t the same as saying you’ve
done them. Even if that’s probably very dangerous territory for someone as unbalanced as Red is right now.
Faced with another dead end, I open my eyes and let the features of the sky take over my mind for a change. The pleasant blue, the tufts of white, the invisible wind they drift around on…
It’s strange how calm they make me.
Cue the theme song:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuJIqmha2Hk
Why, if I had the ability to fly to the clouds in the blink of an eye and look down upon the world, breathing the thin, freezing air without harm, my problems with rage would vanish. Seeing humans for the ants they really are… why would I care about anything they have to say?
Wait. What’s stopping me now?
I am a human. An intelligent creature. Perhaps previously in a more primal stage emotions were necessary to guide us into better survival strategies, but now we can understand the world around us. We can make decisions based on logic, not raw emotions.
Since you’ve been doing such a
fantastic job at operating on logic and not raw emotion this chapter, Red.
It's precisely what HE teaches as well. Primitive social instincts have outlived their usefulness. What used to help keep tribesmembers alive and offspring cared for has been made obsolete by rational thought. Now all it can do is stay in our way. It prevents us from letting the inferior die. It prevents us from consuming each other's flesh when starving. It stifles our progress in service of made up moralities, rules that no god truly enforces.
But I happen to be one of the lucky few to have been born as the next stage of human evolution. A being that can see through these illusory rules and act without care for them. An efficient being. A free being. And if I have the freedom to choose how I think, why couldn’t I choose to drop the emotions that harm me and keep the emotions that give me strength? Peace, joy, relief… an existence knowing only these feelings can't be that bad to live.
Red: “Whoever teed up the ELO earlier really did me a solid, since I’m feeling more positive already.” ^^
Then again... if it were that easy, I would have done it ages ago. In reality, my lack of control was bad enough to make me give up on school and, by extension, any kind of normal future. I had to leave before I did something that would’ve made things even more difficult for myself...
Leave. Give up. That’s what I did. I ran away from the problem. And have I ever faced it head-on since? No. Ever since I left school, I’ve only avoided social interaction to the best of my abilities.
That actually makes me wonder if Red has had a stint on Mt. Silver in this continuity, or if he has not gotten to that point yet.
No wonder I only seem to have gotten worse. I’ve had no practice. No exposure to strengthen my immune system, so to speak. As much as I hate to admit it, getting out there might just be what I need. Socializing. Disguising myself as simply another human. It is a trait a predator must have, lest he be torn apart by the herd he is infiltrating.
Yeah. I need to get myself into situations I’ve shied away from and learn to maintain a calm exterior no matter how fiercely I want to rip them all apart. Handle things as a gentleman would, even. Convince the others I’m a stand-up guy. It could help to dispel suspicion, too! And, hell - if nothing else, it’ll be something to do. Beats sitting bored at home.
Uh… yeah, no. Considering how well that went with Michi, you’re probably better off decamping to Mt. Silver.
Though, ironically enough… I think home is the place I’d most like to be right now. It’s been one hell of a day, and I could really use some rest after this whole… thing. And some food, actually. Blood isn’t exactly filling.
I’m sorry,
how do you know this again, Red?
I get up. The wind in the trees enters my consciousness again, and it drives me to draw a deep breath of the fresh air around me. I feel my lungs expand, then deflate. Again. A serene rhythm of back and forth, like waves on a shore. All while the heart beats with a pace of its own, pumping that wondrous, hot blood throughout the body.
I guess this corporeal form is one thing I can be happy about. Not only did I luck out on my genes, I’ve brought out their full potential with diligent training. I’m quite close to the best a meager human can be. Once I add a few enhancements post-ascension, I’ll be perfect.
Assuming that you don’t wind up whiffing the moment of truth since after getting blueballed enough times, would you even recognize the real moment of ascension when it comes, Red?
That’s right. I will ascend. Maybe it will end up taking another week, another month, another year - but I will persevere, only honing myself further during the wait.
I step forth as if facing the entire world, head held high and pride burning in my chest. Within my mind, I shout from the mountaintop:
I am the Bringer, and I will let nothing stand in my way.
Well, that sounds like tempting fate if I ever heard it, since you’re not free from this saga for another 9 chapters.
