Pokémon Do Psychic Cats Dream of Electric Sheep?

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, back for that second chapter of that triplet of prize reviews I’ve been working on. Last time, we got our first glimpse of Espurr getting to see the outside world beyond Serenity Village and the hell Mystery Dungeons right next door, so let’s see what she’ll be up to this time:

Chapter 1-6

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

The Dazzling Dewgong – South Ophria's Best Paper

Disappearance, Suspected Murder in Crossings – the statue killer strikes again

… Wait, did the Beheeyem follow Espurr all the way out there while she was getting registered?

Crossings city police are investigating the disappearance of Raichu Abernathy after he was reported missing, authorities announced.

The 91 year old 'mon's residence was found wide open, with a statue resembling him placed just beyond the doorway. The incident was reported at 4:00, with police arriving fifteen minutes later, the Daily Pelipper confirmed in a press release. This is the latest in a series of similar disappearances occurring in the region.

>resembling him

Um… yeah, funny story about that, Dazzling Dewgong beat journalist…

"The search for Raichu Abernathy and the other victims is ongoing," the West Crossings Police Department responded when asked for a comment. "We ask all citizens to submit a report immediately if he is spotted or if any suspicious activity in your area occurs. Murder cannot be ruled out just yet, but for now we're investigating it as a possibility. It's looking greater by the moment."

Waaaaait, but how does the writer know that this is a killer if Abernathy’s fate is technically unknown?

No arrests have been made in connection with Abernathy's disappearance or presumed murder, or any of the other disappearances. Concerns have been raised over the crime in such a wealthy portion of the city, along with the statue, which appears to be a perfect replica of the 'mon.

The city did not respond immediately to further requests to comment.

Oh, well. I suppose that resolves that mystery there. And hello, Nuzleaf art. Guess this chapter will be his big debut onscreen.

Even though she was an open book, it still took Tricky an entire day and a half to ask Espurr what was on her mind.

"Doywncomtdinrwfme?"

The hurried mash of syllables slammed into Espurr's ear at a volume that made her wince and pull back. She looked across their desk at Tricky, bewildered.

Espurr: “Tricky? Say that again. Slowly this time.” >_>;

"…What?" she asked, keeping her voice in a hush to stay undetected. The class was currently copying down notes from the blackboard about ancient Human society – most of which were just horribly wrong and made Espurr want to correct them all. Lawn flamingos were not idols.

Snerk. Though this joke’s certainly new to me.

"Doyouwanttocometodinnerwithme?"

The voice was loud enough to get the attention of Farfetch'd, who looked up from his papers to survey the classroom. Espurr immediately looked very busy in her notes, which were next to Tricky's notes, which were doodled animals. Once his head had gone down again, Tricky opened her snout and took a deep, dramatic breath, like she was going to blow dragon-fire on something.

… Of course. That one’s definitely very ‘Tricky’ in vibe there.

"Dyuwunna—"

"Speak slower!" pleaded Espurr in a hush. "And please whisper."

[ ]

"Do. You wanna. Come. To dinner. With me?" Tricky forced out in the loudest whisper possible.

This one might have been worth showing off Tricky’s reaction, especially if she’s starting to get annoyed or impatient a bit or doing the equivalent of an eyeroll or something.

Espurr stole another look at Farfetch'd, just to make sure he hadn't noticed. If he had, he didn't seem to mind. His face was still firmly down in his schedule book, a quill from his wing feathers scribbling intently.

Huh. Well, I suppose that Farfetched (and a number of other birdmons in this setting) would never be wanting for writing implements. Even if I wonder if that must weird out others in the setting knowing that their neighbors are writing with the equivalent of their hair.

The truth was, Espurr didn't like Tricky very much. Or people. But Tricky especially. And that Tricky hadn't seemed to pick up on that just made her more and more sure they weren't going to be friends. And worst of all, she still hadn't apologised for — or even mentioned — tricking her into entering the woods that day when they were supposed to be going back to the clinic! That alone soured her on Tricky.

Yeeeeeah, that was kinda a dick move on Tricky’s part there now that you mention it. Like this moment and others like them get significantly sadder and more pathetic once Tricky’s full backstory comes out, but still.

"I need a bit to think on it," Espurr said nicely, hoping Tricky would take the hint. Besides, she shouldn’t be keeping friends anyway. Not when her stay here was temporary.

Oh yeah, that one’s gonna stop her. /s

"Aww, but what's there to think about?" Tricky whispered back, eyes bright and tail lashing. "My Pop's a chef. He makes really good food. Nothing like what the school serves! You really should come."

"Give me some time to decide?" asked Espurr.

She should have turned Tricky down there, but somehow, she just didn't have the heart to say it directly.

Tricky didn't look particularly happy about that, but she perked up nonetheless and was sing-songy for the rest of class.

The underlined feels like it’d work better coming before Espurr’s line instead of afterwards, but that’s a bit nitpicky on my end.

Today I have a special announcement to make," said Simipour, taking a spot in front of the blackboard. Following him was a pokemon that none of the others had seen before, as far as Espurr could tell. His body was covered in smooth, knobbly bark, and he was stout and humanlike. A large leaf hung from his head, but the smile underneath was warm enough to catch her off-guard. He draped his green cloak and his bag in the currently empty sentry spot, and hung around near the blackboard, leaning against the fence.

Oh, hello, Nuzleaf.

He beckoned for the pokemon near the blackboard to come forward.

"This is Nuzleaf," Simipour said. Nuzleaf gave a wave. "He'll be filling in a very important part of your curriculum that you haven't yet covered: elemental power."

"Elemental power?"

Espurr: “... I’m sorry, but are our subjects that we learn in school really ‘history’, ‘berries’, ‘not dying in Mystery Dungeons’, and this? What ever happened to learning math?”

The voice had left Espurr's voice before she could even think about it. She looked both ways, then awkwardly rose her good paw, realising she'd asked without. A couple snickers rolled through the classroom behind her, making her feel very embarrassed. Could anyone see the red in her face through her fur?

Depends on how anime we’re getting, but the funnier outcome would be for them to see it, yes. :p

"Yup," said Nuzleaf, sounding like he hadn't skipped a beat. He didn't sound anything like Espurr had expected, a thick ranch drawl escaping his lips. He kicked off the fence, walked forward and clasped his hands together. "The innate energy shared between each an' every one of ya. The one definin' power an' trait that links all of us together. Our species' hallmark."

Huh, so Pokémon are all collectively one “species” in this setting. Though I suppose that it makes sense given that there’s also vanilla animals that live alongside them.

Simipour gracefully let Nuzleaf take centre stage as he walked behind the teacher's desk.

"Now, I dunno how much y'all have learned over the past few years," began Nuzleaf, leaning forward. "The other teachers will probably fill me in later, but do any of y'all want to give me a leg up? Can anymon tell me wha' elemental powers are?"

… I just realized, but had Espurr used any elemental attacks up until this point in the story? Since if not, she’s quite literally learning how to be an Espurr right now.

Immediately Tricky was jumping up and down in her seat, her tail lashing furiously. Espurr could hear the 'ooh! Me! Me!'s fighting to burst from her jaws. Nuzleaf tossed one of Farfetch'd's stalks in the air, caught it, and pointed her out.

"It's like these really cool fighting moves you can do, like blowing fire or blowing water or making plants grow and stuff!" Tricky blurted out, riding up against the limit of how fast you she could talk while sounding intelligible.

I suppose that she has consistently had motor mouth tendencies since the v1 of this story.

Deerling, who sat behind Espurr, yawned and snorted. Espurr thought it sounded like scoffing.

"Ahh…" Nuzleaf looked sheepish. "Sorta. But tha's only half the story. Anymon else?"

"Elemental powers are the manifestation of the energy that powers all energy-based beings," Deerling spoke up behind Espurr in a stately, controlled voice. "It's the one common link between all pokemon and affords us the power to defend ourselves like no other animal can."

‘Energy-based beings’, huh? I suppose that’s an handy explanation for casual violations of IRL physics involving them. Might also explain a few things about how the “Statue Killer’s” power only seems to work on Pokémon unless I’m forgetting a deet or two.

"Correct!" said Nuzleaf. "Somemon's been studyin'."

Deerling tried, unsuccessfully, to hide that she was proud of herself.

Not that she was unsuccessful, more that she genuinely tried and wasn’t doing the equivalent of humblebragging.

"Elemental powers are the lifeblood of everythin' that ticks in our world," continued Nuzleaf. "As bein's capable of harnessin' that energy, we can not only influence our surroundin's, but also use that energy to create somethin' entirely new. Like so!"

He suddenly pirouetted, sharply raised his hands up into the air, and clapped. The clap sounded thunderous, and a black bolt of energy arched up into the sky before exploding into fizzling fireworks above the classroom. Little specks of shining glitter spread throughout the air, raining down on everyone, before blinking away into nothingness.

Wait, wait, wait, just what move was that that Nuzleaf used there?

"Woah," said Shelmet, before Pancham gave him an annoyed look. Shelmet immediately looked like he wasn't impressed.

Huh. Wonder what on earth got Pancham so butthurt over Nuzleaf putting on a show like that.

Satisfied that he'd impressed the class, Nuzleaf put his hands down and dusted them off.

"Tha' was a move of my own makin'," he said. "I call it 'fizzling fireworks from a night long past'. And by the en' of this week, if you all pay attention, each and every single one of you will be able to do it yourselves. How does tha' sound?"

Espurr, bedazzled, thought it sounded utterly magnificent. [ ]

I suppose that’s the first story sign to keep eyes on Nuzleaf since I’m pretty sure that Pokémon moves don’t work that way, just saying. I do wonder if Espurr’s thought process is cut a bit short for an ending here, though.

Recess was awash with nothing but praise for the new teacher and the cool things he taught.

"Who even is that?" asked a pachirisu through two large cheekfuls of food.

"Swallow your food first," said a pawmo who sat next to her.

"If's for lapher!"

Oh, so we have students beyond the ones that show up in the canon game this time. That’s certainly new, but it definitely sells the idea of this being an actual school a bit better.

Goomy, in the corner, was trying and succeeding in producing a few stuttering purple sparkles. They'd vanish once they left the tips of his slimy paws, but it was more than most of the other students could muster. He had a small crowd surrounding him.

"Very cool!" said Deerling.

… Wait, Goomy have paws? Could’ve fooled me with the official character design. .-.

Deerling and Goomy seemed to be close. Even though they sat rather far apart in class, Deerling followed him around nearly the entire day when he wasn't in detention.

"""close""", yes. As much as a self-appointed guardian can be in a ‘helicopter parent’ sense.

"Well, I'm already ahead in class," bragged Tricky in another corner. "See what I can do?" She opened her mouth and blew out a small stream of fire into the air, which became a flaming ribbon that contorted into a rude word. Audino gave her a mean look and quickly swatted her away from the windowsill she was in danger of scorching.

Waaaaaait, but isn’t Espurr (semi-)illiterate right now given that she needed Audino to help read signage in Crossings? Would she even know what rude words look like in this setting given that those are presumably not in their textbooks?

Espurr, in her own little nook and cranny with her lunch, mostly just had to agree. The subjects here were so… different to back home. She could get on-board with these. Especially with a teacher as kind and fun as Nuzleaf was.

Well, looks like I misjudged how Espurr would react to not learning math in school anymore. :p

But as kind as Nuzleaf was, his class was the last in the school, which meant right after lunch, Vice Principal Watchog shoved them out the door for detention. And Watchog was not a very nice teacher.

"Come on!" he crowed from the fence, like he was an irritable banker short on time. "That soil won't turn itself. You've got three more gardens to plough after this."

Just saying, I’m pretty sure this is violating all sorts of ethical standards right now. I wonder if this would fly with Superintendent Krookodile if he happened to pay a visit right during one of these detention sessions.

Tricky, who was tugging the plough while Espurr and Goomy tugged weeds, grumbled through the reigns, smoke curling from her ears. Espurr, trying her best to work with an arm in a cast, could only sympathise. She'd long since decided Watchog was the new bane of her life.

I mean, yeah, Watchog really does have a way of rubbing poorly on people even in his official depiction. ^^;

There was a newcomer in town that day. Espurr heard about him long before she saw anything. A tall, lean, yellow 'mon in an earth-green cloak, who seemed to be rather nosy for an outsider passing through. Almost no-mon knew anything about him, and bad news had followed in his wake — a 'mon was found missing in Crossings, a strange statue presumed to be a calling card left on his doorstep. That rang bells immediately.

Ah yes, hello Ampharos. And hello, Espurr’s distrust of Ampharos.

It was a bad omen, the village said. He was not to be trusted until proven otherwise. And given what she'd seen in Crossings that other day, Espurr was more than happy to follow that advice. In fact, he got a special spot at the top of her suspect list. Involved in a likely murder… if that wasn't a lead to finding whatever she was supposed to get rid of, she didn't know what was.

I didn’t remember that angle being around in the v1, though it does make a kind of sense that a village out in the boonies surrounded by death-tier Mystery Dungeons would be insular and distrustful of outsiders.

Now that school was out and Watchog was dragging them back to town, Tricky was getting ready to ask Espurr out to dinner again.

"Hey, have you thought about it?" she asked, bright-eyed.

Espurr really hadn't. Between Nuzleaf and the newcomer, she'd been swept away in other things. And truth be told, she didn't really want to go. Everything about Tricky ruffled her fur the wrong way.

IMO, Tricky’s line and the narration from Espurr’s POV should be separated out from each other.

"I'm a bit tired," she replied, hoping Tricky would take the hint this time.

"That's okay!" Tricky yipped, the hint flying far over her bushy ears. "I can walk you back to the school afterwards!"

Espurr: “Ugh… seriously?”

Tricky: “Yeah! It’ll be easy for me!” ^.^

Espurr yawned. Inside, she felt herself shrivelling up. She'd just have to be blunt then. "I'm really not interested, Tricky. Sorry."

"Oh…" Tricky seemed to droop a little. Her tail was definitely less lively. "Okay, then… Let me know if you change your mind."

She was droopy all the way back to the town square. [ ]

This feels like another part where it’d make sense to expand the ending note a bit with more of Espurr’s perspective. Though I wonder if this means that we’re going to be skipping Espurr’s meeting with Pops in this version of the story, or if that’ll just wind up coming later.

It wasn't until the next day that the both of them met the newcomer.

He was loitering around the town square just before sunset. Watchog had made them pick berries again for detention that day, and it had somehow managed to be hotter than the first time. Goomy was tuckered out, his slime congealing more than it usually did, and Espurr, silently dying of overheating, was really considering doing some research into whether 'hairless cat' was a style or not. Only Tricky, who seemed to thrive in the heat, was energetic.

I actually don’t remember whether or not Ampharos met the gang this early on in the v1 or not, but duly noted. I did notice that you didn’t have any scenes from his PoV this time around. I wonder if that’s a meta choice and what that’s pointing at, if anything.

"Are you sure you don't wanna go tonight?" she whined, prancing around Espurr desperately as they walked back to town behind Watchog. "Pleeeaase?"

"I'm sure," said Espurr, trying to trudge along faster. “Sorry.”

"But it's leftover night!" Tricky pleaded. "I made sure to leave some of all the best stuff!"

Oh, so she’s really desperate for Espurr to be her friend, huh? Which if the general backstory behind this is still the same, will wraps right around to once the full story behind that winds up coming out.

"I'm not hungry," Espurr responded, swallowing her irritation.

"But everymon gets hungry," Tricky pointed out. "C'mon! Don't you wanna-"

"Tricky," Espurr said with irritation, turning around. How many times could she say no? "How else can I tell you I'm not interested?"

Tricky, who had been practically right behind her, recoiled a little. Espurr backed down.

"Sorry," the fox said, drooping over a bit.

Espurr’s going to get guilted into agreeing, isn’t she?

[ ]

"Maybe some other time," offered Espurr limply, hoping not to be rude. She tacked on a smile. She suspected it made her look ghoulish.

If Espurr is meant to feel a bit bad about Tricky’s reaction here and get the idea that she should do something to let her off more gently, it might make sense to show that off a bit more explicitly.

Tricky said nothing afterwards, just sitting back on the ground and swishing her tail back and forth as she studied the pebbles on the pavement below her. [ ]

"Wait right here," Watchog ordered them as they approached Kecleon's stall. "I have to purchase the non-pickables. I don't want to see you standing one inch out of place when I return, or I'll assign summer detention for all three of you. Got it?"

"Got it…" All three students recited wearily.

IMO, you should add a bit more description of Watchog noticing the Kecleon shop coming up here since the jump to him speaking feels a bit abrupt.

Satisfied enough, Watchog started off towards Kecleon's stall, leaving them on their own. Espurr took a seat on the ground the moment he had turned his back, almost drooping with sleep just like her classmates. The day had taken a toll on them, and as someone who had woken up early that day, it was taking most of Espurr's willpower to keep herself awake.

Espurr: “Seriously, how are the other teachers just okay with this?”

"Good evening."

All three students glanced up wearily at the pokemon who had greeted them, suddenly straightening up and leaping to their feet when they saw who it was. Audino adjusted her exploration bag over her shoulder, her floral hat on her head and a smallish purse in her other paw.

"N-Nurse Audino!" Tricky immediately tried to look awake, only succeeding in looking constipated instead. "We totally weren't sleeping on you right now! Trust us!"

Audino gave them a laugh and a warm smile.

"I hope 'Vice Principal' Watchog hasn't been too hard on you," she said, waiting next to them.

Wait, just how on earth is Audino enunciating ‘Vice Principal’ there such that it’s obvious that she’s adding scare quotes anyways? ^^;

"Only a little," said Espurr tiredly, which meant that he’d been absolutely backbreaking, and she was on the verge of death.

"I think m-my sl-slime is hardening," mumbled Goomy weakly. Audino, concerned, gave him something to drink.

"You all behaved yourselves?" A brash voice suddenly rang out behind them. Everymon turned around to face Watchog, who lugged back a week's worth of nuts in his paws. He glowered at all three of the students as he approached. "Did anymon move?"

Watchog, this is why nobody likes you, just saying.

"Oh, put a wooper in it, Watchog," Audino retorted, suddenly less cheery. "They were with me the entire time, and I haven't seen them move once."

Wait, Pokémon stuff Wooper into their mouths in this setting.

Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy were treated to the rare sight of Watchog's face suddenly growing spooked as he noticed who was with them.

"A-Audino!" he exclaimed nervously, tightly gripping the sack the nuts were held in. "Fancy seeing you here…"

I actually completely forgot, but what does Audino have over Watchog anyways given that he outranks her on the school hierarchy? Though I suppose considering his overall personality that it wouldn’t be out of the question that Audino would be able to get Principal Simipour’s ear a bit easier than Watchog can.

"Happened to be in the area; thought I'd lend a helping paw," Audino replied. "Hope you haven't worked them to death."

[ ]


"And just what are you insinuating by that?" retorted Watchog.

"Oh, nothing," said Audino. "But one makes observations from patterns."

"Really?" Watchog folded his arms defensively. "This again? They're just as happy to cause trouble on any other day. The way I see it, this is a useful waste of their energy."

Clearly, they weren’t on the best of terms.

Gee, whatever gave it away that these two didn’t like each other? /s

Though I kinda wonder if Watchog’s reaction to the “what are you insinuating” moment should’ve been shown off more, especially if he’s slipping from “defensive” mode to “agitated” or something like that.

"Oh, you did not just go there…"

On the other side of the square, a 'mon Espurr had only seen once before was stumbling through the square, having just knocked over a vendor's apples. She recognised him from Crossings…

"Hey!" yelled Kecleon, who managed the tent. "Those are fresh apples! I just had them come in from up north! You'd better hope none of them are bruised!"

Ah yes, and there’s Ampharos, coming in in a truly on-brand fashion. o<o

"My apologies," said the stranger with an apologetic bow. He helped to pick them up, but Kecleon swatted him away.

"Just go. You've done enough," the lizard irritably muttered. The stranger backed away and moved on.

Sheesh, where’d this Kecleon hail from with an attitude like that? Post Town? /s

Espurr realised quickly that something was off about the way he was interacting with people. It seemed to be from one thing to the other; if he wasn't knocking over supplies, he was hitting it up with some of the pokemon on the street. No pokemon who was up to normal things behaved like that; it looked like he was trying to hit as many pokemon as possible on purpose… it took her a second to register that he seemed to be heading this way.

No, that’s just his infamously terrible natural pathfinding, Espurr. Not that you know about that right now.

"Ah, two new faces!" said the stranger jovially as he approached.

Now that he was up-close, Espurr got a better look at him – tall, bright yellow with black stripes, built almost like a giraffe with a long neck, but with a large, red, faintly glowing orb on his tail and big, long ears that belonged on a rabbit. He wore a cloak that was just as earthy green and slender as the stories had described. He must have been three times her height.

This section IMO would work better with Ampharos’ line split off from the following narration that’s done from Espurr’s PoV.

"Oh, apologies," he said. His voice was light and airy. "Where are my manners? We haven't even introduced ourselves!"

He stuck out a flipper-like paw.

"My name is Ampharos," he said, like he was announcing it to a crowd. "Though you may also know me as… the Dashing Wanderer!"

Cue the cricket noises in the background.

He did a flamboyant flap of his cape, but the breeze just blew it back on him. He shook it off. "And you two?"

Yeah, I figured.

"I'm Tricky," Tricky started loudly before Espurr could say they were just some local kids. "And this is Espurr! We're training to join the Expedition Society when we grow up!"

Espurr's jaw nearly dropped. When had she said that?

Tricky, why.

But before she could refute it, Ampharos had already finished musing and opened his mouth.

"Hmm… Expedition Society, you say," he said. "Very intriguing."

"What are you doing here, anyway?" asked Tricky brightly. "There's, like, nothing here. We're just a loo stop on your way to the mountains."

Just filing it away mentally that the English used in this setting is Commonwealth English… sorta. I could’ve sworn that they used American spelling for

"That… is classified," said Ampharos. "But I can tell you the sights here are nothing short of spectacular. You must get all sorts of tourists in the spring and summer."

"We don't! We haven't had a newcomer since… since…"

Tricky stopped to think for a second, and that second was enough for it to click in Espurr's own head. She was just a nanosecond away from opening her own mouth to tell Tricky no, please don't, but it was too late. By the time the command had reached her mouth, Tricky was already spilling the beans.

"…Since Espurr here! Yeah!"

Espurr:

Espurr wilted. That was her biggest secret, and Tricky had just spilled it to a… to a complete…

Yeah, I figured there.

Ampharos hmm'd.

"Well, that's very interesting indeed," he said. "I should like to make your acquaintance further at a later time. For now, I have many important things that need attending to. So good day!"

And with one more swish of his cape, like he was some sort of campy superhero, he began to walk towards the Café Connection.

Well, Ampharos definitely knows a thing or two about moving around in style. Even if he needs to work on the whole “not bumping into literally everything in his path” part.

That was it! Espurr was peeved, her ears as pinned as they could go. How could Tricky just say something like that? If he was in any way connected to that murder up north… she might be next!

"Tricky!" Espurr snapped annoyedly. Tricky looked back at her.

"What?"

"How could you just tell him that? That was a secret, and you don’t even know him!"

[ ]


"But he seemed nice," said Tricky.

Espurr:

"But he's a stranger!" puffed Espurr.

[ ]


"Sorry…" muttered Tricky. "I forgot."

[ ]

"How could you forget about something like that?" asked Espurr.

"I just… did!"

IMO, this section might be worth showing a bit more off about Espurr’s internal process, especially if she’s more or less seething or screaming internally over Tricky just casually poking her more paranoid inner self in the eye.

Espurr hmmphed and swiftly walked away, making sure that she left before anymon else noticed and she outpaced Tricky before the fox could keep up.

"Have a good night," called out Audino from the distance as she passed them.

Espurr quickly wound up lost. She walked to the outskirts of town, along the vast lake that flowed out to the sea and from the mountains in the distance. The village started to dwindle and disappear, leaving only a few shabby huts with dirty walls and muddy front yards, until the path let up from cobbled bricks into straight dirt. She walked until she reached the house.

Espurr: “... Actually, in retrospect, this was a really dumb idea given that those Coneheads were wandering around in the woods, huh?”

The house was out on a small island, with only a rickety wooden bridge leading to it from the mainland. It was dilapidated, its walls blackened from mud and some of its roof missing. The building was Victorian like some of the older, crumbling buildings back in her city, a complete break away from the airy villas of Serenity Village. The ground it stood on was soggy, and the house had begun to lean ever so slightly into the ground. It was crooked. It was a crooked house.

But the most unsettling thing about it was the aura it gave off. Espurr could feel the evil flowing from it. Her ears flattened down, her tail bunched up, and she took a few steps back. Her instincts told her to hide or flee. It was an evil place. Maybe it had been banished there because the people who built it realised what they'd made.

Oh boy, this place is here in this version of the story. I guess that’s a sign that Riolu will be back this time around again.

"Heeey! Wait for me!"

The distant voice was punctured with a twang Espurr recognised even from far away. She only had to turn around to see Tricky running towards her from the direction of the village and the mountains dotting the horizon.

"Wait… up…" breathed Tricky hoarsely as she finally caught up, panting and out of breath as she came to a stop on the path next to Espurr.

"Why'd you just run off?" she asked, recovering.

"Because I needed a walk," Espurr said, turning around and starting to head back to the village. Anything to get away from Tricky and the house. "Alone."

I can’t help but notice that Espurr’s kinda bad at just being direct with others. Like she was also like that in the v1 of this story, but it has some fascinating implications for her character or what her old life was like.

[ ]

"Look, I’m sorry about earlier, but… But I thought…" Tricky stammered. Espurr wasn't looking or listening. "I thought you were my friend?"

"Friend?"

That struck a sour note within Espurr. Before she knew what she was doing, she turned around to face Tricky.

"No. We're not friends,” Espurr said, her voice dripping with irritation. “Friends don't hound other friends to go to some dinner party. Friends don't wrap other friends up into insane quests they get week long detentions over. Friends don't spill friends’ secrets to random strangers, and friends don't speak for other friends!"

I mean, at least it’s coming out now versus the way it did in the v1? Even if I’m sure that this is still going to end terribly for Tricky’s emotions here.

Tricky, still on the ground, was left speechless by Espurr's words.

"So no," Espurr said, pulling back. "We're not friends. And we're never going to be friends unless you grow. Up."

And with that, she turned back around and started towards the village without another word. She could hear Tricky sniffling in the background, and a tug on her conscience appeared, asking her to turn around. She’d been mean; the least she could do was apologise. But Espurr didn’t.

Hoooo boy, that one definitely would’ve hit a nerve if Tricky’s backstory is remotely on par with what it was in the v1 of this story.

Espurr: “Look, maybe I was a little blunt, but it wasn’t as if anything I said was wrong, right?” .-.

It was better for everymon if Tricky didn’t talk to her anyway.

Well, aside from Tricky, but she’s clearly not on your mind right about now.

The sun had already set by the time Espurr made it back up to the school clinic. She ate a light, simple dinner, and climbed into bed. Audino covered the luminous orbs on the walls with white cloths, and then retired to the backroom office. Espurr flopped on her straw bed, blotting out the dull orange throbbing of her broken arm, staring up at the ceiling as she danced with slumber. She tried not to think about her bad experience with Tricky today. Her stomach grumbled. Perhaps she should have gone to that party.

Dear diary,—

Right, she has a diary in this version of the story. It’s been a while, so I forgot about that one.

Muffled, urgent voices from the room over jarred her out of her thoughts. Espurr’s sharp hearing made out the sounds of voices. When she looked over, she saw that the lights had been uncovered in that backroom where Audino had gone. The warm yellow light shone luminously from under the crack of the door.

Against her better judgement, Espurr let her curiosity get the better of her. She crept off her bed, over towards the door, lowering her ear against it the best she could while remaining hidden. Only then did the muffled voices start making sense.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?"

That was Farfetch'd.

Oh, well that’s totally a good sign there. Not.

"I mean gone," said Audino. "The news came in from Crossings. It was him. The police have no body, suspects, or motive for the disappearance, just that an unusual souvenir was left in his place."

"What kind of souvenir?" Watchog. "And what kind of criminal leaves one behind?"

"The kind who strikes more than once," said Farfetch'd anxiously. Espurr could hear him clutching his leek.

"That's what has everymon worried," said Simipour. "The criminal left behind a full-sized statue of the 'mon who was who was abducted. They seem to have been planning their target for a while, and dumped it there once the deed was done."

Huh. I wonder if that means that the “Statue Killer” has picked off someone in Serenity Village at some point in the past. Since you’d think that “big city problems” would get shrugged off by the inhabitants of a smaller town further away unless there’s been a track record of this not staying a big city problem.

A wave of silence passed through all the teachers. It was an uneasy silence, the kind filled with tension.

"Well, perhaps we just got unlucky," a new voice proposed. Espurr recognised the thick ranch drawl — that was Nuzleaf! "The 'mon was old. He could'a had an enemy. Tha' would explain the statue too; ya don' throw somethin' like tha' together in one day."

I kinda wonder if Espurr logically should’ve started the process of putting two and two together here given that she was depicted as noticing Abernathy’s statue and it being something that stuck with her to the point that it made her suspicious of Ampharos.

There was uneasy agreement from the other four teachers on the matter.

"And what of the newcomer?" spoke Farfetch'd.

"This… Ampharos?" Simipour said.

"That's him," said Farfetch'd. "Do we think he's responsible? He came out west from Crossings just yesterday."

[ ]


"Hmm…" Simipour mused. "Innocent until proven guilty is our policy. We must keep a wary eye out, but not be too quick to act. You never know what the true story may be."

More uneasy agreements from all the teachers.

Another spot where it probably would’ve made sense to get into Espurr’s head a bit more, since thus far, we haven’t really been seeing much of her reactions or thought processes to this conversation here.

"Until further notice, we proceed as usual," said Simipour. "We find another guardian for the student, perhaps somemon with less… history. Meeting is adjourned."

… Wait, less history? As in Audino? I admittedly didn’t get far enough into the v1 to see what that entailed, but…

It took Espurr a few seconds, and the shuffling of footsteps, to realise they were leaving! She scurried back to her bed, and appeared to be fast asleep as the other three teachers filed out and then left.

But when they were gone, the information rattled around Espurr's head. The murdered 'mon… was meant to be her guardian? Her mind flashed back to the Coneheads. Could they have been responsible? She hadn't seen them after she'd been saved that night, and that dungeon must have been far away… but that didn't mean they were gone. And that city, Crossings, it was close. From now on, she had to be on her guard. Because a supernatural killing and a strange newcomer showing up around the same time could not bode well.

She drifted to sleep with unease on her mind.

Ah, there’s all those thoughts and reactions. But you have no idea, Espurr.

~\({O})/~​

Music of the Week!

I'm Helping The Idiot – Sonya Belousova, Giona Ostinelli

You know, I can actually kinda hear how this tune would be fitting for this chapter. Nice casting there.

Alright, time for another recap. The “familiar but different” vibes are back in full force for this chapter, as I see we’re diverging a bit more from the original’s sequence. There also seems to be a bit of that carrying over to characterization. I noticed that Espurr is definitely a bit more assertive this time around given that she firmly shoots down Tricky attempting to insist that they’re friends and doesn’t get roped into meeting Carracosta… yet, anyways. It’s a fun bit of comparison for those coming back to this story from the original, and you at once find yourself empathizing with the different characters’ point of views, since from Espurr’s PoV, of course Tricky’s attempts to glom onto her and be her friend would come off as being overbearing. The foreshadowing for people and places that will (probably) become important this go-around were also welcome, and it definitely lends itself to the feeling that things are moving along a bit faster than they originally did. I also thought that your use of the school classes as vectors for worldbuilding were pretty clever, and I got some giggles out of things like the lawn flamingos gag.

I don’t have too much to complain about in this chapter. There were a couple parts where it felt like you skipped over things like reactions or internal thought processes that would’ve benefited from being more explicitly depicted, but there’s some degree of stylistic preference to be had on that front. There were also a couple of moments where I notice that information was presented in more of an “after the fact” fashion at times when it would’ve likely made sense to present it more in “live-time”. The sequence where Espurr is listening in on the conversation between the teachers about Ampharos and the Statue Killer was the main standout moment that I could think of on that front since it’s not until the very end of the conversation that Espurr overhears that she has real reactions to things, even though you’d think that shed’ be on edge through much of the entire thing given its topics.

Though that was a fun chapter, @SparklingEspeon . I’ll be aiming to wrap up the rest of this prize review by the end of the week, but I hope that the feedback thus far has been helpful, and I’ll be looking forward to seeing where things go from here. ^^

 

[SparklingEspeon]

The Daily Pelipper – Your One Reliable Source of News

BREAKING – Primarina Merywether takes office amid concerns about administration

Primarina Merywether, Grovyle Rufus' replacement, took his vows as Prime Minister earlier this morning. The incoming administration is in the process of moving from Baram Town, Luftand, to Crossings, South Ophria, with smaller towns such as Serenity Village expected to pick up the outflow.

The move comes amid concerns across the North and South that Merywether's administration will bring harsh restrictions to entering the country, in line with his previous governance as premier of Terrabondace.

"Some sacrifices are necessary in the interest of national safety," Merywether stated at a press conference. "In this case, we simply must stop the inflow of undesirables at its source, no matter the cost. That source is the destable 'city' of Crossings."

These changes come despite the Conservative Coalition's promise to loosen shipping regulations and keep cargo moving smoothly, a keystone of their victory. The shipping guild of Crossings, known to employ many unregistered 'mon, has threatened to pull endorsements and strike in response to any retaliation from Cloud Nine.

Discover instant updates about this story at the Daily Pelipper's connection orb page.

CHAPTER THREE: ENTER MERYWETHER

~\({O})/~​

The moon shined bright tonight, illuminating the wet leaves of the trees with an ethereal blue blow. Hypno walked through the forest pathway, enjoying the night breeze and silence broken only by summer bugs.

He liked night strolls, and living in the big city had robbed him of true wilderness for years. It had been so long since he couldn't see the glow of streetlamps or the distant gleam of buildings, since he'd felt the comforting touch of tree bark and the smell of forest dew. The buildings of Serenity Village, soon to be a village no longer, were quickly becoming obscured by the trees. It really was sad, he lamented, how this would all become paved over just so more pokemon could live here.

Crack.

Hypno looked around at the direction the sound had come from, scanning the area for any sort of creature that could have made the sound. Had some animal stepped on a stick?

But there was no sound or movement. If something was there, it had gone still and silent.

Watching.

Unease flooded in to replace the silence. Was it a predator?

Before Hypno could get any further, scanning the area, a shadow lunged from the trees.

Survival instincts kicked in, and he ran for his life, faster than he knew he could, blood pumping. Whatever it was seemed to keep pace with him – he could catch glimpses and snatches of it through the trees: dark and lanky, two-legged, cloaked.

Before long, the underbrush of the forest parted, and Hypno found himself running onto the soggy forest path next to a beach, out in the open. He tripped on a rock, and it sent him hurtling to the ground.

Whatever it was that was chasing him, it seemed to stop at the forest. He looked back frantically to make sure it wasn't about to catch him, but there was nothing there. The forest treeline was shrouded in shadow.

Then, something else caught his attention.

He looked ahead of him to see the Crooked House.

The house, standing all alone on that island, seemed to beckon. It stood like a pillar in the night, menacing against the serene bay. It struck a stark fear into his heart. It was an evil place. Hypno snapped out of his trance, fear and sickly terror flooding in to replace the calm.

But then it was too late.

Limbs suddenly wrapped themselves around Hypno's neck and yanked him back. Hypno screamed in anguish and twisted around, trying to get ahold of the 'mon's face. If he could just… make them drowsy enough…

The cloaked 'mon dragged him further and further back towards the woods, Hypno screaming along the way. His white scarf snagged on a thorny root and tore off as he thrashed and yelled.

A cloth quickly wrapped around his face, causing him to struggle before slowly, consciousness slipped away from him.

~\({O})/~​

The next day brought grey skies and damp, rolling fog to Serenity Village. Espurr rose early and met up with Tricky and Goomy, who had just been coming up the school path.

"So much rain today," chirped Tricky as the three of them walked down the muddy pathway towards their hideout by the big tree. In the distance behind them, the village and mountains were shrouded by fog, distant showers, and grey skies. "But Pops said it'll clear by this afternoon. It's just summer fog."

"I-I like it," said Goomy, who looked extra perky. "I-It hasn't been like this in years."

"I think it's nice for reading," remarked Espurr. "And board games."

When they passed the Crooked House, all three of them briefly stopped to look at it. It stood tall on its own little island like the dark pillar of evil it was, its rotting doors bolted closed with a shiny new lock provided by the village police since that incident with Ampharos a month ago.

Only a treacherous, rickety bridge connected it to the mainland.

Espurr had never liked the place. Not since the first time she'd seen it. But it only seemed to grow more and more imposing with time. A thin shroud of mist surrounded the island, thicker than the lake fog, almost forming a dome around its cragged trees and muddy spires with outstretching tendrils.

Its aura seemed to reach out, blue and purple, imposing itself on her.

Beckoning.

"I don't like this place," whimpered Tricky quietly, her ears pinned back against her head. "Let's keep going."

Espurr shivered. "I agree," she said, some shaking creeping into her voice.

The mood lifted as they made it away from the beach and near the grassy hills, where the welcoming big tree and the scaffolding of their soon-to-be new team base awaited them.

They'd started building it with all the supplies they gained from doing tasks for local 'mon. "Every good team has to have a base!" Tricky had said, and since Espurr and Goomy thought the idea of a clubhouse was splendid, work had begun.

It wasn't done yet – not by a longshot – but the large tarp they'd bought from Kecleon's had worked wonders for keeping out the rain. Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy had taken to stashing most of their supplies underneath, and liked to hang out inside it on rainy mornings like this.

Today they were camping out between the rest of the wood and the cans of paint they were going to use to brighten up the half-built walls. Tricky had brought some of the leftovers from yesterday's feast in a large sack, which included everything from roast goose to some of the pretty bon-bon pastries Kangaskhan had made. One of the privileges of helping pack up was getting to take home whatever you wanted by the end.

"It would have gone in the trash anyways, so I grabbed as much as I could when they weren't looking," said Tricky, mouth full.

"I-It's so good," said Goomy, happily savouring a square pastry with a jam centre. "M-Mum only m-makes soup most of the time."

"So I was thinking…" Tricky piped up as they munched on the leftovers in silence.

"Thinking about what?" Espurr asked. Goomy nodded, looking at Tricky.

Tricky took a large chomp of goose, spat out the bones, and then gasped for air.

"We've been going on all these missions and things, but we don't have a team name yet!" she stated loudly.

"Should we need one?" Espurr asked, curiously. "It's not like we're a proper team or anything. We've done just fine so far."

That seemed to strike a note within Tricky.

"Of course we're a proper team! What else would we be?" she blurted out. "And besides, all the best teams have them! It's so you don't have to describe what pokemon are on every team, you can just know what team it is!"

"I-I think a t-team name would be cool," Goomy stuttered quietly.

"What would it be, then?" asked Espurr. "I'm coming up short on names."

"Uhh…" Tricky's ears pinned back and her brow furrowed as she tried to think of one. "Umm…"

Goomy looked similarly stumped.

Espurr tried to think of one, but her mind wasn't really in it. Quiet doubts swirled around in her head. When should she tell them about the Coneheads? What about what Deerling had said about Tricky? The mood was so happy right now… she didn't want to kill it just yet. They had time, didn't they?

The sound of loud clanging rang out in the distance, distinct and carrying over the lake. It caught all of their ears immediately.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Tricky, ears perking up high.

"Sounds like a bell," said Espurr.

"I-I haven't heard tha-that b-bell before," Goomy stuttered.

Climbing up onto the top of their small fort and peeking up over the tarp, the three of them looked through the parting fog and at the village beach in the distance, where they could see the shape of an unfamiliar ship docking.

"A ship?" asked Espurr.

"We never get new ships here…" said Tricky, tail lashing.

Espurr, Goomy, and Tricky all looked at each other.

"Well?!" squawked Tricky, hopping out of the fort. She hit the ground with ease and darted up ahead, looking back. "Aren't you slowpokes coming?!"

"W-we're not all t-that fast!" Goomy yelled from the top.

Espurr and Goomy quickly climbed down from the fort to follow her towards the clanging in the distance.

~\({O})/~​

The ship, bright white and blue, was already docked at the sandbar that led out into the lake when Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy arrived. Townsmon were crowding around the ship, which flew an official-looking flag, lavender, blue, and white striped.

"Salutations, all!" cheerily called out the pokemon who slithered down the wooden walkway off the ship. He hit the solid ground, waving a large, white flipper. He looked like a cross between a seal and a mermaid, half blue and half white, lush, aqua hair tied up into a beehive adorned with pearls. Espurr wracked her brain for the correct name. That was… Primarina?

Two 'mon wearing white government scarves and cuffs followed him with steely gazes, looking important, along with what looked like a purple, two-legged fox, who leaned against the wall of a house disinterestedly. He looked like he really didn't want to be there. Espurr knew that one, at least. He was a braixen.

"Is that…"

The villagers, clearly just as taken aback as the three of them were, looked at the 'mon in confusion and awe.

"Hey, that's the Prime Minister!" shouted one of them from the crowd.

"Yes, indeed, ladies and gentlemon, 'tis I, Primarina Merywether, your very own prime minister," said the pokemon with a sweeping bow. He had an unnerving sort of charm, which captured much of the crowd almost immediately. It made Espurr shiver with revulsion. Tricky and Goomy didn't look any less disgusted.

"What brings you here?" asked another 'mon in the crowd, a pinsir. As Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy slowly crept up near the back, they came across Audino, who moved aside to make space for them and fussed over their fur a little – especially Tricky's, which was always tangled and unruly. Tricky couldn't do anything to stop it, but shook it off a second later.

"I've come on very important business," said Primarina, his tone boastful. "Matters concerning subjects of the utmost importance, and perhaps – each and every one of you."

He stood up proud, straightening his massive beehive of hair, and began to speak again. "I'm looking for a very important pokemon. Have any of you seen a recently arrived espurr?"

Tricky and Goomy barely had time to look at Espurr in worry before one of the pokemon in white scarves, an electabuzz who had been sneaking up behind them all this time, suddenly grabbed her roughly by the arm and began to drag her towards the front of the crowd.

"Oi!" exclaimed Espurr in shock, but the 'mon shushed her.

"Government business," he grunted sternly. "Behave."

"Ah!" said Merywether as Espurr was dragged to the front, the 'mon leaving her off at the front of the crowd near the dock. "Yes, you look… foreign."

"I live here," Espurr said bluntly.

The primarina quickly leaned towards the electabuzz. "Are you sure this is the one?" he whispered urgently.

"No other espurr in the village," the electabuzz whispered back.

"Double check," Merywether whispered back.

Espurr decided then he was an absolute ninny.

As the electabuzz made off, Merywether put on another happy face and drew Espurr closer to him, eliciting a yelp.

"When I stepped on these shores, I was delighted to see so many rustic houses and such a… quaint, laid-back lifestyle," declared Merywether. "I just knew I would find what I was looking for here. And lo and behold!"

He shoved Espurr forward.

"This lucky child has received a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, as one of the first to benefit from our new youth program! Saved from the horrors of orphanhood, she will be offered a new home on Cloud Nine, surrounded by nothing but the very best!"

He smiled for the cameras and yanked Espurr close once again, like she was a ragdoll. Several connection orbs flashed, accompanied by some scattered applause, or the stamping of feet. The flashes made Espurr look away and close her eyes. How she loathed cameras…

"Keep still and smile," growled Merywether under his breath, tipping her head up with a flipper as the last of the cameras flashed.

"Hey! You can't just take her away!" came a frightened, high-pitched voice from the crowd. Tricky hopped up and down, trying to push her way to the front. She broke the lines of the crowd, baring her teeth with her ears pinned back. However, two large 'mon, a machoke and a servine, both clothed in white scarves, blocked her off quickly.

Merywether let a crooked smile break his face.

"One of her friends, I assume?" he asked. "No matter. Your espurr friend will be cared for excellently. You'll even be able to visit!"

"Hang on!" said Espurr quite annoyedly, wrestling her way out of Merywether's grip and doing her best to interrupt the cameras. Did no-mon even see she was here? "I'm doing quite alright here. I don't need—"

"As you can see," Merywether drowned her out, strengthening his grip. Espurr's struggles and hisses of displeasure were muffled under heavy white flippers. "This poor child has never been happier! We'll start the adoption process as soon as we've haggled out the specifics with any prospective guardians—"

"That would be me," said a stern voice from the crowd. At this point, the cameras had all turned away. None of them caught Audino marching to the front of the crowd, fire burning in her eyes. Tricky sat down and blew a smug raspberry at the guards as she passed.

"I'll have you know that Espurr is under my guardianship," said Audino scathingly. "We don't need your program. Find somemon who's in actual need or shove it up your—"

"Well, yes, we prepared for that," muttered Merywether.

"Excuse me?"

The primarina motioned for the electabuzz, who had returned by now, to pull out a ledger of papers, which he stacked in Audino's arms.

Audino looked down at the papers.

"All the legal work you'll need," said Merywether smugly. "What's there to think about? She won't be far, after all."

Audino steeled herself.

"You can't adopt until a month has passed," she said sternly. "Government or not."

"Oh, no problem at all!" Merywether replied gleefully. "As the patron, I'm also entitled to a meeting with her beforehand. Should we discuss the first appointment being… a Sunday evening?"

~\({O})/~​

The press let Espurr go, eventually. More pictures were taken of her than she cared to think about, but soon Merywether was on his way. She felt violated by the amount of flipper that had gripped her for the last fifteen minutes, and it was still hard to make her tail, all puffed up, relax. Then Audino fussed over her and led her off.

"Ridiculous!" she stewed, in a rage. "How dare he…"

Tricky and Goomy rushed up to meet Espurr the moment she was free, and they all sat down at the far end of the town square, near some dark houses.

"What was that?!" asked Tricky, almost shivering from anger and stress. "Who was he?! He can't just… He can't just…"

She huddled down into a pile, covering her eyes. Espurr hugged her.

"I don't want you to go," she said softly.

"We have to stop it," said Espurr decidedly. "I'm not going with him."

"B-but how?" asked Goomy. "H-he's the p-prime minister."

"Maybe we could… run away," suggested Tricky aimlessly. The words bounced off the wall. They all stared at it, thinking.

"The question is why," said Espurr, but she already knew the answer. She looked at them. "It's a bit of a coincidence, don't you think?"

Tricky and Goomy nodded.

"Do you think he knows?" asked Tricky. "That you're…"

"He's got to," said Espurr. "Why else come all the way out here?"

"Which means…" Tricky trailed off.

"He must work for whoever Nuzleaf did," Espurr finished. She sucked in her breath. This was a good time to tell them.

"Last night, I heard Nurse Audino talking to the other teachers," she said to them, her voice hushed. "Audino ran into the Coneheads."

"What?!"

"W-what?"

Tricky and Goomy shouted it at the same time.

"T-they're back?" asked Goomy.

"But I thought Nuzleaf was controlling them!" Tricky said.

"And they turned him to stone," Espurr pointed out. "Which means they must be answering to somemon else. Who else do we know that really wants to get their flippers on me?"

A tense, uneasy silence filled the air.

"So what do we do?" asked Tricky, her voice sickly.

Neither Espurr nor Goomy had an answer.

"Perhaps there's something in the paperwork," Espurr thought. "In the other world, you had to agree to a lot before they could do anything to you. There has to be a way to turn it down."

Despite that, the words hung above them all: they would likely never see each other again.

Tricky plopped down on the cobblestone against the wall of a house. She let out a defeated sigh. Espurr and Goomy followed her.

"Why can't we all just stay here?" she whined. "Things were going so well!"

Neither Espurr nor Goomy had the heart to say anything. A sombre moment of silence passed.

Tricky sniffled. Espurr noticed large, strong flecks of blue leaking out from her, fuzzing on the edge of her vision. She softly touched Tricky's back.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I just…" Tricky's voice was small, barely more than a whisper. "I don't want to lose another friend…"

Espurr wanted to ask what 'another friend' meant. But before she could, a sudden commotion caught their ears.

Another crowd of pokemon was gathered around Officer Magnezone, who appeared to be giving some sort of speech near the Café Connection. One of his new officers, which Espurr had learned was called a 'magnemite', carried something that caught her eye immediately: A tattered, white scarf.

"Hey…" gasped Tricky, following Espurr's eyes to the same thing. "That's a government scarf!"

"Now, if any of you have seen any hint or glimpse of Hypno since last night, it would be appreciated if you could come forward immediately," droned Magnezone.

Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy all looked at each other, wide-eyed. What was going on today?

~\({O})/~​

That night, Audino hurriedly moved Espurr from the school clinic to a house in the village square that had sat abandoned for as long as she had been here.

The door clicked open, the first time it had done so in almost a year. Audino walked in, setting the bags of supplies against the wall next to the door. Espurr followed after her. Her nose wrinkled at the smell of dust that pervaded the air, and she could even see a light film of it on the floor.

"We'll clean it up tomorrow," Audino said once she noticed Espurr's disgust at her surroundings. She pulled the old, ragged cover off the lights, and the luminous moss inside the orbs weakly glowed. The insides of the orbs were dusty.

"Hmm," Audino muttered. "We'll need to replace those too."

Now that Espurr could see better, she could make out the interior of the house. It looked like a mirror version of Tricky's house – the parlour that they were standing in, a small kitchen to the left, and a hall down to the right with a washroom and a bedroom on either side.

"When I lived here about a year ago, I always kept this room tidy just in case of emergencies," Audino said as they walked down the hall. "Hopefully, it's still usable." She turned to the bedroom on the left, allowing Espurr to walk in before she followed. Like the rest of the house, the bedroom was covered in a light layer of dust that managed to get everywhere. There was a straw bed in the middle of the room that somehow hadn't been eroded or fallen apart with time. Espurr caught sight of a tarped luminous moss orb sticking out of the wall above.

"You can sleep here tonight," Audino said. "And then tomorrow we'll have a housecleaning. I'll be in the other room if you need me."

She scooped Espurr into a quick hug, before letting her down. This time, Espurr hugged back.

"I'm not going to let that sack of sorry seal-skin take you," said Audino firmly. "We'll find a way out. I promise."

Once she had gone, a large bang came from the wall, jittering Espurr in her bed a little. She stared alertly at the wall for a second, where a large dresser sat, but it remained silent. Had those ghosts followed her here? For a second, she thought she might have seen a shadow.

After watching it for a moment, Espurr flopped her head back down on the bed. She was too tired for this.

~\({O})/~​

Tricky entered her room silently, trying to keep it all together so Pops wouldn't try to console her any further and keep reminding her. Keep bringing her back. He thought she had gotten over this almost a year ago. She just tried not to think about it, so hard not to remember it existed. It almost worked.

The empty case, once containing the pair of scarves, was at the front of the pile of junk that was under Tricky's bed. Tricky pulled it out with her teeth. She opened it. She wasn't sure why she did it. It was another Reminder. The empty case stared her in the face. It was like it had a voice: Why did you lock us away for so long?

Tricky slammed it shut, so hard she almost broke the case. She kicked it back under the bed with so much force it pushed the other junk up against the wall. She didn't like this anymore. She wanted her friend back. She wanted to forget about the stupid scarves. She wanted to forget about all of it.

But now she couldn't. She hadn't even gotten rid of the scarves. She wasn't strong enough to do that. She hadn't been then, and she wasn't now. Tricky hopped into her bed, and buried her head under the pillow in a vain attempt to flush it out and forget.

That was how she spent the night.

~\({O})/~​

Music of the Week!

Gilderoy Lockhart - John Williams

 

[Arukona]

Hello, hello! Here I am for my end of the review exchange that we arranged over Discord. Which was timely, as I was hoping to get back into reading this fic myself. I had hoped to get to it during the recent Review Blitz, but alas general irl business meant I couldn't quite get to it then.

But hey, better late than never. So let's leap back in, and see just what's going on with our resident psychic kitty and nearly-psychic fox...

Chapter 1-3
First thing I notice is the intriguing storybook font you have going on here, which I don't recall being in the PMDFF version when I read it initially. That's a nice touch with the font, and I quite like how it looks.

Now into the story, where these dark and ominous woods totally won't end up with Espurr injured even more.

I love Tricky living up to her namesake and being a trouble magnet for Espurr by extension. No doubt that most situations these two find themselves in will be because Tricky stuck her nose in where she shouldn't have.

And now comes Pancham, who looks to be about the same as he was in PSMD. Seems like, as Espurr deduced, that he's gonna be standoffish. Makes me wonder, then: will there eventually be a make-up if he and Shelmet end up kidnapped in the Ancient Barrow like in the main game? Or will the road to making amends look completely different? I enjoy that about main game AU stories like this one: seeing how the plot snowballs into something completely different as a result of one tiny detail altered.

When we grow up, of course. The Expedition Society doesn't accept children."

Oh, there's a handwave coming in future just for you two, courtesy of a certain Ampharos. (Well, depends on how our intrepid duo end up meeting the electric sheep himself.)

"I should know, I've been through, like, 30 of these and come out just fine!

And probably been scolded every time you were found out, I imagine.

Dang, that fallen tree certainly adds to the ominous nature of this Mystery Dungeon. The perfect accentuation to Tricky's unsettling descriptions.

Aww, poor Goomy. Being lost in these woods must be extra scary, especially when these woods are far creepier than their in-game counterpart.

Good thing he's been found by Tricky and Espurr! Although I get the feeling our gang won't be out of here without a fight, judging on how angry the Dungeon seems to be. Comparable to a living, breathing beast - could this world's Mystery Dungeons be something more akin to those lines?

Now over to Watchog telling everyone off. Earning real audience appreciation points there, buddy. At least Simipour's there to point out the flaws in his argument Ace Attorney-style. Good on him.

Alas, he's not relenting on the punishment given to our three kids. What a pity; alas, rules are rules.

But Pancham and Shelmet aren't gonna get any punishment? What the hell? Laaaaaaaaame. Makes me almost hope for a greater comeuppance for them in future.

And the homelessness sinks in deeper for Espurr. Here's hoping she'll eventually feel at home in this world.

Slight side note, I feel the diary entry at the end would be better segregated from the last scene via a line break, since it feels like a different transition to the prior scene in Nurse Audino's clinic.

Chapter 1-4
I do wonder if that implication of the Prime Minister role being considered a curse might have anything to do with happenings that might be occurring at some point in the near future away from the quiet rurality of Serene Village. Also I do quite like the newspaper intro, if perhaps with the slight critique that I feel it should be italicised to differentiate it from the text that is to come.

Oh, it seems we're getting introduced to this world's Voice of Life. Seems to be his similar oblivious self from Gates.

"I have a maths exam tomorrow, and the material wasn't easy to memorise,

That would be the worst thing to come back to for isekaied Pokémon returning to their own world. Imagine saving the PMD world and going out on a high, and then returning to your mundane human life to a maths exam of all things. That would be one cruel punishment, alright.

On the other hand, being sent to a world where even the Voice of Life themselves doesn't know what threat they're up against. With that attitude, no wonder so many humans sent to the world around Gates' time perished.

One disinterested classroom this is, if Farfetch'd is the only one who applauds. Then again, some folks like Shelmet and Goomy don't even have that option available to them, so maybe this ought to not be a surprise.

And it was hot like Espurr had never experienced it before: a baking, humid warmth, scorching like the sun itself had veered down to earth.

Given what happens later on in PSMD's story...this is quite the subtle, ominous foreshadowing. Mmmmm, very worrying indeed.

Lmao Watchog is pants with directions. Leon would be proud.

Poor Goomy, languishing in this heat. Hopefully he can rehydrate in a pond or something after this.

At least there's a nice resolution where two lonely companions become friends. So that's a nice resolution.

In the transition to Old 'Mon Abernathy and the mentions of his name, I noticed the first mention of his name isn't capitalised while the second time is.

But goodness, that's quite the attack on an old 'mon like him.

Here's hoping this doesn't end badly.

Chapter 1-5
Judging by that title, it appears it did end badly.

Also, I love this map of Nebyllin! Great topographical and worldbuilding data and wonderful detail on that map, and it makes me want to update the detail of my own fic's setting in map form.

I guess since Espurr did just randomly appear in this world, she would have to get registered in the normal manner. Never thought about it in that way, huh.

I suppose in most settings, the human's registration to the Guild would effectively be their form of registration within a PMD world's population.

The ferrymon's a Swampert! Always a pleasure seeing favourite 'mons of mine, even as minor characters like this instance.

Espurr felt dizzy on her feet and like she could hug the beach, if it wasn't too large and sandy.

I'm a little confused by this description, admittedly - not really sure what 'hugging the beach' implies in this context. I feel something like "...felt dizzy on her feet and like she was about to topple over onto the beach," or something to that extent, conveying the

feeling of Espurr after the ride.

And it just so happens to be where all the good, fair-price shops are."

Famous last words - already predicting a Kecleon merchant or some other seller to hawk their wares at outlandish prices in a busy town like this one. Although maybe Audino's speaking in comparison to some of the larger cities in Nebyllin?

Gotta love the lazy Slakoth assistant.

This world has photography, huh? A fair bit more advanced than the average rustic PMD setting, I see.

And now Krookodile...who given his role in PSMD probably isn't up to any good here either. Seems he's in a more official role, though? Or maybe he's some kind of mafioso. Either way, he's surprisingly more articulate than I would've expected from someone like him.

Oh no, a school inspection. This can't possibly end well.

The statue was of a large, rodentlike creature with a long, thin thunderbolt tail, ornately detailed and built to scale.

A Raichu...just like Old 'Mon Abernathy was? Is there a connection there we should know about?

And I see Espurr's caught sight of the electric sheep she supposedly dreams of, if the title is anything to go by. /j

Crooked Book Nook

Whoever named this shop loves their rhyming, I see.

Oh, it's a library with a wide array of books. Makes me wonder if there are some books in here that are references to other fics.

Something about these books being quite literal with their meanings makes this scene kinda funny. Must be troublesome for this library to keep ahold of their stock.

The Book of Berries

If the above books were anything to go by, this book must be edible.

A reference to the Paradise heroes, eh? An Oshawott and a Pikachu - so that's this universe's version of them.

Good thing Espurr didn't wander too far, though - imagine her getting lost in somewhere like this. Nightmare scenario.

In comes Tricky with her excited rambling. I quite like her contrast to the quieter Espurr and meek Goomy.

And since the Heroes of Paradise were still alive… why couldn't they handle it?

Too busy with expansionism and setting up shops, I imagine. Speaking of Pokémon Paradise I do wonder, that if we ever see it during this story, that it would be similar to Ears in terms of Paradise being this sprawling metropolis with the heroes upheld to the point of being treated like royalty.`Could be cool to see.

Chapter 1-6

I do wonder if we'll ever find out what happened to Old 'Mon Abernathy. Will we end up finding his body somewhere?

The fact that the city doesn't make a comment about it seems mighty suspicious to me...

So Nuzleaf's the new teacher? ...This can't end well, can it.

Hehe, more of Tricky being hyperactive. I like her being full of beans at nearly all times. Makes me wonder when Espurr might change her attitude on our resident Fennekin and start considering her as less of a nuisance and more of a friend.

A large leaf hung from his head, but the smile underneath was warm enough to catch her off-guard.

As we all know, looks can be very deceiving indeed.

Oh, is this where Espurr becomes more in tune with her psychic powers? I wonder if she'll learn any interesting techniques that differ from what Espurr can do normally as a species.

That move's rather different than what Nuzleaf can normally learn. A fireworks-esque move? I wonder...if this is almost an indicator that this isn't any normal Nuzleaf we're dealing with.

Nice to see Goomy getting up there with the magic teaching and getting a leg-up on his fellow students.

Just a pity that the novelty of that's replaced by detention provided by the loathsome Watchog. I do not like this guy one iota.

Ampharos is here? With ominous foretellings in his wake, and the story of Old 'Mon Abernathy's disappearance with a statue as a calling card...Come to think of it, Ampharos was there with the Raichu statue back when Espurr was getting her picture taken. Is there a connection between the two events?

Espurr, silently dying of overheating, was really considering doing some research into whether 'hairless cat' was a style or not.

Terrifying image. Please do not do that, Espurr, I beg of you.

"Oh, put a wooper in it, Watchog," Audino retorted, suddenly less cheery.

Hmmm. Interesting way of spinning 'put a sock in it' in a world where socks probably aren't a thing.

And now Ampharos makes his presence known - via his clumsiness, of course. He appears to be as jolly as his in-game counterpart, though - so if he does turn out to be behind the murder of Old 'Mon Abernathy, I'd be quite surprised at that.

We're just a loo stop on your way to the mountains."

I like the more British expressions like this one used in this fic. Makes it stand apart from the rest of the pack.

Espurr's got stranger danger going on here, alright.

Seems we're visiting the Ancient Barrow earlier than expected, huh?

Gotta feel for Tricky here, with Espurr rebuking her like this. I'm willing to bet there'll be a make-up and apology later on, and maybe a promise to be better friends for Espurr and Tricky both.

No diary entry this time, huh? Instead the details of the murder come to light. And with it, the revelation that Ampharos was meant to be Espurr's guardian? There's definitely more to him than meets the eye, although the question is, apart from whatever role he plays in this world (is the Expedition Society a thing here?), what secrets does this stranger keep?

Chapter 1-7

Ah yes, my favourite part of this fic, when Tricky says, "It's trickying time!" and trickied all over the place. Although interesting to have a POV from our resident fire fox instead of Espurr.

Seems she's down about messing things up with Espurr. Although I'm gonna make a presumption this early on in the chapter that, going by that illustration, the Coneheads will make a return and it'll be Tricky that'll save Espurr, with Espurr then apologising, Tricky apologising in turn, and the two of them agreeing to be friends.

Gonna bet any money that Ampharos will find out Espurr's investigating him and turn the tables on her somehow, proving he's not as much of a clumsy klutz as he might seem.

Tricky was just getting into something that would hurt them both later. Espurr was right to drive her away.

This'll be overturned in a chapter or two, I'm willing to bet.

But details about his far past were foggy. He didn't seem to have any family here that she could see – he apparently lived alone on the far side of town.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Almost like that's the perfect place for someone with something to hide to be dwelling.

Interesting that Espurr turns out to be the worst at this. I was half-expecting her to outshine all the rest because of her human past, but it turns out this is an instance where she's let down by it. Not an empowering trait this time around, I see.

Nuzleaf jolted, spooked. He nearly dropped the book he'd been intensely studying, his face a dark shadow, before he relaxed and pulled it back into something kinder.

The suspicion piles on. Though I am curious about whatever's in that book he was reading - is Dark Matter weaving words onto the page for him as orders to follow?

Lunch was almost over, and it would be time for detention afterwards.

Lucky kids, being able to leave school at lunchtime. Surpised they don't have six hours like the norm in our world.

They have to rake an entire forest? Watchog definitely clenches the title of 'Most Hateable Character in this Fic' by a country mile.

Of course Tricky's impulsiveness is gonna land our heroes in trouble again. Worse still when the Coneheads happen to be back for round two.

Thankfully Espurr and Goomy get out of there without a hitch. And Tricky's fine, and they even manage to outwit Watchog!

Guess my beginning-of-chapter prediction wasn't quite on point, and we'll still be waiting for the eventual make-up between Tricky and Espurr. At least Espurr's opening her secrets to Goomy a bit more - at least she has one friend in this world, before she and Tricky will inevitably make amends.

Conclusion

And that'll be the end of that for now, until I get back to this fic at some point in the near future.

I quite enjoyed it so far! I'm quite a fan of how the butterfly effect of altering one slight thing ends up changing the whole story of PSMD gradually, with how Espurr being in the fray instead of the human hero that was present to defeat Dark Matter a long time ago. Espurr doesn't appear to fit in that mould, at least at first glance. And that also raises more questions for how things will diverge, such as: will Tricky turn out to be Mew? There's also the matter of the new worldbuilding bringing in its own intrigue, such as the Prime Ministry of Nebyllin being a historically unlucky office, along with the Heroes of Paradise having a historical role in the worldbuilding, something Super didn't quite touch on in its final story.

Some things don't change, of course: Nuzleaf still retains his very suspicious vibes, while the other villagers retain their personalities from before: Pancham and Shelmet are bullies, Goomy's timid, and Watchog's an asshole. So while deviating from the norm with the extra worldbuilding, it still very much retains the Super adaptation vibes, which I'm quite fond of. Reminds me a little of how Warped Skies shuffles things around from the Explorers plot while still very much keeping to the setting at large. Haven't read too much of that fic, but enough to know that I do like when stories play around with adapting existing material and how they incorporate a butterfly effect which drastically changes everything. There's nothing too huge for now in this fic, but I'm definitely intrigued for what is to come.

Prose is also pretty good. Succinct, not too flowery, and gets the message across well without dwelling too much on long descriptions. The chapters are a good length too, with just under 5k chapters on average making the chapters not too long nor short.

If I had any criticisms, they would mainly be rooted in the elemental power magic that Nuzleaf teaches. Am I to understand that this means Pokémon moves will be put on the backburner as a means of attack for the citizens of this world? The stickler in me admittedly isn't too fond of when fics abandon moves altogether, and I'm a little unsure as to whether this is an attempt at a new form of power, or if it's another way of unlocking the powers within each of the students. Part of me thinks my uncertainty revolves around not seeing it in action, given that it was only just introduced, and it could prove interesting if there is a combat situation and the power within Espurr (if she gets the hang of it), Tricky and Goomy is shown off. I guess this is a 'wait and see' thing more than anything, and I'd need to read further to see where it goes.

Overall, though, this read was fun! Definitely looking forward to diving back in at some point in the near future.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, coming back to this to round out that set of prize reviews. Though that chapter art looks nice and ominous this time around, so let’s see where this one goes:

Chapter 1-7

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

It was early, even for mornings. The sun was just barely peeking over the horizon, and the grass was still wet with dew. Tricky barely ever got up this early, except for when she was upset.

Which, uh… considering the way that things ended for her last chapter, yeah, she’s totes upset.

She braced for a pounce and then jumped through the open window in her room like her pops had told her never to do. Then she pranced around a bit outside, and flopped down belly-first into the grass and rolled around. The dew and grass felt good against her fur. It was too bad she just didn't feel like it today.

She let out a sigh, her ears and tail flopping in the grass around her.

I’m surprised that Tricky would like rolling in dew as a Fire-type, but I suppose everyone’s entitled to their quirks.

Another attempt to make a friend, and she'd botched it. She didn't understand! Why didn't things ever work out for her? Why did it always end with everymon walking away? Who would turn down a dinner party?

I mean, that tends to happen when you try to badger others into being your friend, Tricky. Like I’m sure that the full story will contextualize this better for the audience down the road, but still?

And yeah, they’d gotten off on the wrong paw, and maybe that was her fault, but…

Her tail lashed behind her in silent distress, the brilliant rising sun over the hills and distant beaches joyless and glaring. Tricky rested her head in her paws and puffed out an ember-tinged sigh, stealing daring glances at the rims of the sun like her pops told her never to.

How has this girl not made herself go blind like this?

Not that it was just Espurr, anyway. Just another pokemon to add to a whole town that already didn’t like her… Tricky wanted it to work out so much—she needed it to. Otherwise, it would be just her.

Alone again with a town of her mistakes. As always.

Oh, so the incident with Budew did also happen in this version of the story. I figured, but duly noted.

The wind was strong today. It rattled the classroom blackboard and made the branches sway.

While the other students in the schoolroom chattered excitedly, Espurr was left alone with her thoughts. Everything seemed to take on a darker tone today. The breeze was ominous, the sky overbearing, and the students who weren't talking were shifty and furtive. The conversation she'd overheard last night had shattered her sense of security completely, made her wonder who the killer was, where they could be hiding… and what they'd do next.

… Wait, how does the school in Serenity Village / its canon counterpart function during days with bad weather anyways? ^^;

If there was one thing she knew, it was that investigating Ampharos had to be a priority. He already knew she was the only other newcomer to the village, thanks to a certain fox, so that meant he had the advantage. It narrowed the list of pokemon he'd be looking for immensely. If he really was the killer, then it was only a matter of time before he'd act. It could be as soon as today. It could be this afternoon. She needed to get a leg up on the game before that happened.

Ooooor you could just skip town and not worry about all of that, just saying.

Also, I like how it doesn’t even occur to Espurr to try bringing this up to Audino. While it’s certainly on-brand for how she was in the v1 of this story, I kinda wonder if there should be more acknowledgement about “Should I tell Audino? Nah, she wouldn’t believe me” or something like that.

Tricky, next to her, was slumped over on their desk, head in her paws and ears down. It was a far cry from her normally perky self. But Espurr had… no, she couldn’t feel sorry for her. They weren't friends. Espurr didn’t need friends here. Tricky was just getting into something that would hurt them both later. Espurr was right to drive her away.

I take it that Espurr didn’t have a ton of friends as a human with a thought process like that there. That one’s definitely a different nuance than what I remembered of her from the v1 of this story.

With the exception of Watchog's class, school was just as breezy as it had been for the last two days. But before Espurr's eyes, it mostly blurred together. She was really excited for Nuzleaf's class.

Yeah, I’ll bet. Since doing magical elemental attacks definitely sounds a lot more fun than mashing berries with a poultice.

Something about the way Nuzleaf taught seemed to captivate the whole school. His classes were the highlight of most students' day. Yesterday, he'd taught them the correct warmup poses to bring out their energy so they could focus it on something, and even Goomy managed to control his errant sparks. In his off time, he seemed to enjoy reading, and Espurr was hoping she could catch him some day, even though he seemed to be always busy when he wasn't in class.

He was a returning villager after a while abroad, Audino had told them. Nuzleaf had been found and taken in as a child, just like her. He'd travelled the world for years after he'd graduated school, only coming back every now and then to pay a few close friends a visit. But this year, he was stopping for good. The school had offered him a position as a teacher in the wake of his return, and he'd taken it up. But details about his far past were foggy. He didn't seem to have any family here that she could see – he apparently lived alone on the far side of town.

Huh, can’t tell if that means the angle of him having Grass Continent heritage has been dropped in this version of the story or that’ll still come out later.

Today, Nuzleaf was teaching the first stage of the special move that he'd promised they'd all learn in a few weeks.

"Now everymon take those warmup poses I taught y'all!" he said, taking up his own.

It looked like a marionette about to pirouette, his hands up in the air, his legs together, and standing on his very toes. Everymon assumed similar positions, Tricky bracing as if to pounce, Goomy stiffening up, and Espurr straightening up. Her arm, recently freed from its cast, felt stiff from days of disuse, causing her discomfort. She had never felt more aware of it than she did now. Nuzleaf had told her it didn't matter, but she felt like it did.

"And now…" Nuzleaf began. "We… spin!"

Wait, just what move are you trying to teach those kids there, Nuzleaf?

He pirouetted, and everymon followed him directly. Tricky leapt up and spun in the air. Goomy twisted around. Espurr tried to spin—

But she found herself crashing into the desk instead. Everymon else spun, a few errant sparks erupting up in their air from their twirls. Espurr was taken aback with shock. She picked herself up from where she'd fallen, rubbing her side as she got up.

Everymon else was looking at her. She suddenly felt very embarrassed, again.

Espurr: “Look, it’s not my fault I have these little nub legs, okay?” >_>;

"Now, now," said Nuzleaf, drawing everymon's attention. "No-mon's perfect. Y'all should see all the times I fell over in class. I didn't even reach the spin, I was so bad. Was enough to get the nurse to take me off the lesson plan, she was worried I'd crack my head. Now let's try again…"

In the end, Espurr came out the worst. Everymon else had managed to at least create some sparks, and every time she lost her balance and fell over. Tricky seemed to be a natural, spitting fire into the air that fizzled like a firework and contorted into several ribbonlike streams. But even with Nuzelaf's attempts to downplay it, it was becoming increasingly clear that she just wasn't as good as the rest of her class.

Almost like you literally have never used a Pokémon attack before in your life, huh, Espurr? Though small typo there.

During recess, Espurr happened to look out the window of the school clinic and notice Nuzleaf down in the classroom outside. Taking her lunch, she scurried out the door and fought against the wind, which battered her with her lunch of nuts and berries on her way to the seats.

Small tweak that I’d recommend for here.

Nuzleaf was reading an old, dusty book he'd pulled from his bag. The wind kept tossing the pages, and he'd flatten them persistently. Espurr crept into the classroom and stood, trying to hide her fidgeting, right behind him.

"Hello," she tried greeting him.

Nuzleaf jolted, spooked. He nearly dropped the book he'd been intensely studying, his face a dark shadow, before he relaxed and pulled it back into something kinder.

Ah yes, getting that foreshadowing in nice and early there, I see.

"Ah," he said. "Ya scared me. Espurr, was it?"

Espurr nodded. "Yes, that's me."

"Splendid." Nuzleaf gestured to the seat next to the desk he was sitting on. "By all means, have a seat. Anythin' on your mind?"

Espurr: “Well, there’s the fact that I apparently can’t use attacks to save my life, so let’s start there.”

Espurr did as she was directed, sitting on the seat where Goomy usually was. Her dull arm pressed up against the stool, reminding her of how stiff it still was.

"Well, it's just that…" she began, then trailed off. "I want to learn, but I think maybe I'm not cut out for this."

"Nonsense," Nuzleaf said, waving it off. "Anymon's cut out for it. You've just gotta keep tryin'."

"But I didn't do it correctly even once," Espurr said. "Everymon else did."

"Tha' doesn't mean anythin'," said Nuzleaf. "Everymon learns at their own pace. Maybe you jus' need some practice. Here's a thought – why don't you find a friend that can help ya? I thought you were tight with that fox, Tricky, was it?"

Espurr:

Nuzleaf: “... Really? You could’ve fooled me with how much she went on about you.” ^^;

Espurr repressed an air of displeasure. She was sure it showed up in her tail, though.

I did a double-take at this, but right. I suppose Espurr really do have tails even if they aren’t terribly large.

"Not Tricky," she said.

"Well, maybe somemon else, then," said Nuzleaf. "But that doesn' mean you should just give up. A partner can make even the smallest amount of practice perfect."

Espurr fidgeted some more. Nuzleaf's words sounded right, but…

"Could I… practise with you?" she ventured.

Espurr, I know that you’re not exactly genre-savvy about Super novelizations/AUs, but don’t make me break out the Bubsy macro again.

She expected a no. Nuzleaf did seem like a very busy 'mon, after all. But Nuzleaf's face just warmed.

"Sure," he said. "You'll have ta get an early mornin', though. Gotta start before the birds sing and the kids show up to school."

Whelp, I suppose we’ll find out decently soon as to if the v1’s twist of who the main figure working with Dark Matter is is also present in this version of this story.

Espurr was elated. She thanked Nuzleaf graciously, before heading back on up to the school. Lunch was almost over, and it would be time for detention afterwards.

IMO, the “was elated” part would’ve worked better “showing” it a bit through describing Espurr’s reaction out a bit more.

Maybe, even if she had to stay a while, things here could turn out fine after all.

Aaaaaand she jinxed it.

"For your detention today…" began Watchog pompously, as he marched Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy along the windy, sun-beaten path. "You're going to be raking leaves in the Foreboding Forest."

… Wait, who on earth rakes up leaves in a forest?

"Foreboding Forest?" Espurr asked. "Where's that?"

"Ooh! Me!" exclaimed Tricky, who had taken the lead with zeal. "It's the forest we went to the day yo—" noticing Watchog was there, she quickly shut up.

"Yes," said Watchog with a hint of disdain. "It's the forest you criminals so eagerly eloped into when you earned yourself this punishment. And you're going to be in charge of cleaning up the entire area. Ironic, isn't it?"

Espurr: “(Seriously, how on earth did this guy ever get a job working with kids?)” >_>;

"I don't think that's the right usage of 'elope'," said Espurr.

"Of course it is!" barked Watchog. "I'm the adult, I know my vocabulary better than a bunch of schoolkids."

Espurr was sure giving him the actual meaning wouldn't be worth it. He clearly had it all figured out.

Yeeeeah, this definitely feels on brand with Watchog’s depiction in the official game. ^^;

As they walked, the sun was quickly snatched away by the shade of thousands and thousands of thick branches and leaves, which cast the ground down below into a blue-purplish darkness. Watchog stopped them when they were in the thick of it, making sure that Tricky wasn't going to bolt off in excitement. He dropped the sack he was carrying on the ground, the metal 'clanks' it made catching Espurr off-guard.

From the sack he pulled three rakes, designed to be held by paws and mouths, handing one to each of them.

I was going to ask why on earth they’d even make those, but I suppose quadrupeds living on their own in this setting need something to deal with fallen leaves in the autumn, so you know what? Fair enough.

"Get raking," he said, then crossed his paws behind his head and got cosy against a tree. "And don't leave my sight. I'll be watching you very closely from here."

This ‘mon really pulls all the stops out to be a hate sink, huh? I suppose that hasn’t changed much from his portrayal in the v1.

"B-but, sir," said Goomy.

"Vice principal."

"V-vice principal," said Goomy.

"What."

"The area's t-too big to rake if we just stay here…"

“And what about all this wind?” yapped Tricky. “It’s gonna be impossible to clean up like this!”

Watchog:

"Figure it out!" snapped Watchog. "And I have good eyesight. I'll see you. Now get to work."

Again, this is why no one likes you, Watchog.

Goomy just nodded, shaking like blubber. Tricky mumbled and grumbled and puffed some smoke. Espurr quietly grabbed a rake and started shovelling.

It wasn't long before they had raked their way far out of his ear and likely eyeshot, and Watchog had fallen asleep anyways. If Espurr listened hard, she could hear the faint sound of his snores.

Ah yes, what a QUALITY™ Vice Principal there.

"Are we done yet?" Tricky whined, looking at the area around them. It mostly looked clean, the leaves scraped into tons of small little piles they just needed to merge into one big one, but outside their immediate vicinity the forest was still covered in tons of leaves.

"He can't mean we're to clean the entire forest," Espurr pointed out.

No, he seems unreasonable and petty enough to absolutely insinuate that, just saying.

"A-and he w-wouldn't want us near-near the dungeon," stammered Goomy.

Tricky suddenly perked up.

Oh boy, Tricky…

"The dungeon!" she exclaimed, prancing around and wagging her bushy tail like a little dog. "Hey – I wonder how close the dungeon is! Wanna go look?"

Espurr:

"No," said both Espurr and Goomy.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

"Aww," drooped Tricky. "I mean… I guess I can just go look on my own then. I'll just be a second!"

Espurr gave her a stern look. "Tricky, you can't just—"

But Tricky had already taken off. And she was taking her rake with her! Espurr and Goomy looked at each other in exasperation.

Just saying, Tricky, stuff like this isn’t exactly helping your ability to break the ice with Espurr.

"S-she's g-gonna get us in-in trouble," Goomy whined.

"What's new?" sighed Espurr.

At this point Espurr was more than happy to let her take the fall. But at the same time… she looked into the woods, which seemed to open up with its darkness, threatening to swallow them in the closer they dared to go. The thought nagged at her. What if those Coneheads were still around? What would she say if Tricky ran into them and she'd decided to ignore it instead of going after her?

Espurr: “... I mean, I suppose ‘oh well’ would be the more personally convenient route, but… uh… yeah, that’s more than a little messed up.” .-.

Worry soaked the pit in her stomach. A look back at Watchog.

Still snoozing. He'd just be useless anyway.

Oh, alright…

Ah yes, the first of many more questionable decisions in this story to come~

She couldn’t just let Tricky to her fate, could she? Espurr lugged along her rake, and began to slink down the path that Tricky had taken.

Well, technically, you could, but it’d be a very short story in that case, so…

"W-wait," said Goomy. "Wh-where are you g-going?"

"After her," Espur replied, continuing onwards.

"W-what about y-your arm?" asked Goomy.

"It'll be fine," Espurr said.

"But I th-thought w-we weren't s-supposed to follow her," Goomy stammered, struggling to keep up.

Well, I suppose that that’s one way to tell that Goomy isn’t really close to Tricky at this moment. I wonder how much of that is him knowing about Budew versus Deerling leaning on him to stay away this time around.

"She could run into trouble out there," said Espurr. "We have to find her before that happens – it's for her own safety."

"W-what kind of trouble?" asked Goomy, his voice quaking a bit. Espurr knew how skittish Goomy was.

“It’s better if I don’t tell you,” she answered.

I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense to drop in a paragraph showing some combination of Espurr and Goomy’s reactions a bit more here.

They were slower, but they took off after her the best they could, lugging along their rakes. If Watchog found them later, at least they could say they were just raking further out in the woods.

And they'd make for good weapons.

Though I suppose that’s one way to tell that Espurr’s still very ‘human’ in her thought process at the moment.

As Espurr stumbled over the roots, she and Goomy managed to lose Tricky in the mess. Or maybe they'd just taken a wrong turn somewhere. The roots had quickly become more twisted, the trunks mossier, the leaves piling the ground so thick Espurr's feet sunk into the mess. The light had dimmed so much it was almost like being in a room with the lights shut off.

They only stopped when Espurr could hear Goomy softly vibrating.

Oh yeah, that’s good for Goomy’s blood pressure right now. Though I’ll take that as a sign that these two are in the Mystery Dungeon right now.

"You alright?" she asked, clutching her rake to her chest and protecting her stiff arm instinctively.

"J-just scared," Goomy said, the vibrating lessening. "Did we t-take a wrong turn?"

They might have. The leg of the woods they were walking through looked more like a forest from a horror story. And there was no sign of Tricky.

Which is a sign that wonderful things™ are about to happen, I’m sure.

"I think so," said Espurr. "Maybe we should turn back."

[ ]


"W-we c-c-came in a straight line, right?" said Goomy. "I'm not g-good with directions."

"I remember a few turns," said Espurr, looking behind them. She'd never been the best with directions either, but she absolutely wasn't letting Goomy know that.

Swish.

Another spot where IMO showing off Espurr/Goomy’s reactions or mood a bit more might’ve been worth doing.

Espurr: “Um… hello?”

The sound was silent, in the very distant woods off to the side. It wouldn't have been caught if Espurr's hearing wasn't as sharp as a cat's. But she heard it. It was a very distinctive sound. And she'd heard it before.

Espurr:

All of the sudden the woods seemed darker. Every glimmer of sunlight of the tree trunks could have been the flicker of a yellow light. Every shadow could be the tip of a dark cone. The crackle of the dead leaves on the ground could be the sound of a brittle, mottled hand reaching out of the darkness for them. Espurr suddenly felt so dizzy from fright she could barely keep her bearings.

But she needed to. She turned to Goomy.

"We should go," she said in a hush. "Now."

Goomy: “Oh thank good– wait, why are you suddenly changing your mind when you were the one who wanted to look for Tricky?”

Goomy caught on almost immediately that something was wrong.

"What?" he asked. "W-what's happening?"

Yeah, I figured he wouldn’t take that well.

"Shh!" whispered Espurr as she carefully walked back the way they'd come. "There's no time to explain. Just follow me. Quietly."

Goomy looked unsure, but she could see him nod.

They walked back, through the darkness of the forest ground. Espurr kept her rake close to her, in case she needed to use it as a weapon.

Swish.

Espurr: “(Oh my god, Tricky, why would you sneak off here?!)”

It was closer now. It came from the other side. Espurr's breath hitched, her heart nearly stopped in her chest. Were they circling her?

She could see tiny pieces and glimmers now, signs that they were here, that they knew she was here, and they were getting closer. That glimmer on the tree was definitely a flickering yellow light. That shadow was moving. The shrubbery had clearly been disturbed, and not just by them. It had been killed where it stood, wilted and dead, grey and stiff like stone. It hadn't been like that when they'd walked through it. Espurr remembered that bush.

‘Like’ stone, huh…?

Swish.

That was right behind them! It was too close for comfort. Espurr didn't want to think about what she'd see if she turned around. She just knew they had to get away.

Getting close to that chapter image, I see.

"Run!" she yelled to Goomy.

Then they both took off as fast as they could. The hum of charging power came from behind them as they dashed through the woods for dear life, then the explosion against a nearby tree. Espurr tripped on a root and fell flat to her face, and as she lost Goomy’s rake and rolled over she saw it, the massive, shadowy cone attached to two glowing pinprick eyes, and it took everything in her not to scream. She just picked herself up, and ran as fast as she could.

Somehow, by a miracle, she and Goomy managed to stumble into the lighter part of the woods again. Espurr stumbled through the trees, unsure if this was the part of the woods they'd been in previously, or if everymon else was okay—what about Watchog? What about Tricky?

But soon she came upon a familiar grove of trees, and saw the ground quickly begin to look a lot neater and tidy. She wanted to jump for joy. They'd made it back!

"Where were you guys?"

Cue the rant in 3… 2…

The sound, coming from behind, made Espurr jump in fright. She turned around to see Tricky standing there, looking completely unaware. She was covered in dirt, and had a big grin on her muzzle.

Oh, so this is where that picture that Chibi made for artfight or whatever it was came from.

Espurr’s relief soured into annoyance. How could Tricky—

"We got lost," she hissed angrily with a glare, "following you. Why did you run off like that?!”

And there’s that rant there.

"S-sorry," muttered Tricky, surprised. She looked down and her tail lashed the ground. She looked ashamed. "I thought you guys were going to stay here… I came back and was looking for you!”

"What are you three doing? I didn't say breaktime!"

The sound made all three of them jump out of their skin. They turned around to see a clearly groggy Watchog, who'd just woken up from his nap and stormed over.

Boy this would sure be a good time for those Coneheads to show up, huh?

"We weren't taking a break," said Espurr, thinking quick. "We just finished."

Watchog's face immediately contorted in disbelief, but then he looked around the clearing. Espurr watched his face turn into shock as he saw the clearing around him completely clean.

"Well…" he trailed off. "Alright. I guess you can't clean the whole forest. Where's the rakes?"

It was at that point that Espurr realised she and Goomy had lost their rakes back in the forest.

Espurr: “Uh… well…”

She cast the forest a big glance. Already she was feeling antsy, her ears listening intently for any sounds of a 'swish' or something similar. She just wanted to get out of here…

"The wind got them," Tricky piped up, breaking the silence. "It got, like, really strong and just took them away. It messed up the whole place and then we had to clean it all again, so that's why it took so long!"

Watchog: “And you expect me to care about this why?”

It looked like Watchog wasn't going to believe it, but just then a big gust of wind ruffled him from behind. Espurr hadn't noticed it before, but she guessed it was a bit windy.

Watchog looked like he truly didn't want to believe it. But what could he say?

"…Alright," he sighed, giving Tricky the largest 'I know you're lying and just can't prove it' stink eye he could muster. "Let's just go home."

Espurr couldn't have been any happier to leave these woods than she was then.

I’m honestly surprised that worked, it’s been a while, but I actually don’t remember this happening in the v1 of the story, but either way, it’s kinda impressive that Tricky’s still able to pull one over Watchog there even if it’s heavily carried by his sloth.

Watchog abandoned them at the city limits, like the good and diligent vice principal he was. Just this once Espurr would have liked it if he'd obsessively walked them into the town square like he did every other day. Tricky lived on the other side of town, so with only a sad glance at Espurr, dancing on her paws like she wanted to say something, she left soon after once they entered the main square.

"""good and diligent""", indeed.

“Bye,” the fennekin mumbled, taking off. Goomy gave her a small wave.

Goomy lived in the northeast side, while Espurr was staying at the school clinic, so they both walked north to the square before they had to split.

I mean, this sounds like a good reason to not be off on your own for the night if you’re paranoid about the Coneheads following you into town, Espurr.

"H-hey," Goomy said before they did. Espurr stopped to look at him.

“Yes?” she asked. She hoped it wasn't going to be—

"D-do you know w-what that was back in the woods?" Goomy asked.

Espurr deflated. It was.

Espurr: “Uhh… not really?” ^^;

Could she lie and say she didn't know? Would that be endangering him?

Espurr: “Hey, my take wasn’t a lie, just saying. I really don’t know what on earth those things are.” >_>;

Would telling the truth be endangering herself?

Well, if there was anymon who deserved to know – and could keep it secret – it was Goomy.

Not that I blame Espurr for not trusting Tricky to keep a secret after getting outed to Ampharos, but I like how she’s coming to this conclusion after knowing Goomy for a couple of weeks at most.

"I've seen them before," said Espurr, settling for a compromise. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"

Just saying, if you really wanted to get paranoid, there’s a case that doing this would endanger Goomy by letting him know too much, Espurr.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Goomy nod his jelly-like head.

"Y-yeah."

Espurr nodded affirmatively. "Great. I'm tired, so I'll see you then."

"N-night."

Then they went their separate ways.

Espurr: “... Wait, why am I going off on my own when those… things are still lurking out there?”

As Espurr lay in bed that night, the pieces of the last few days zoomed around in her head. The dead guardian, the Coneheads… were they connected?

And what did it have to do with her?

I actually completely missed that angle last chapter about Abernathy being Espurr’s intended guardian. I blame putting that review together late at night for me not picking up on it. Though I wonder given how it hits a bit close to home for Espurr, if it’d have made sense for it to be on her mind a bit more earlier on. e.x. wondering what Abernathy would’ve been like or something like that.

Music of the Week!

Old Man - Marco Beltrami

Oh, well that BGM is an ominous pick. Certainly on brand for “killer aliens stalking people through a forest” in vibe, though.

Alright, this chapter was a bit on the shorter side, but it still felt like a decent amount happened. The main star of the show once again is the characterization, with the glimpse into life through Tricky’s perspective being one of the highlights to see and had some foreshadowing for those who read the original version of this story. I’m honestly a little surprised we haven’t seen more of her up to this point, but I suppose this is a sign that we’ll be seeing the world through her eyes a bit more often. The extra focus on the finer details of Espurr’s characterization was also nice, with little things how she reacts to things like Nuzleaf’s class or her growing bond with Goomy, and especially the way Espurr reacts when she realizes that her paranoia over not being safe in the boonies is completely warranted being fun to see unfold. It did a pretty good job at pulling off more character-driven suspense there.

I don’t have too much to complain about this chapter. There were a couple stray typos and missing words, but otherwise the prose was very smooth. I also noticed a couple spots where I felt your description could’ve been a bit more detailed, especially when showing off characters’ moods and reactions. Since while I won’t knock getting what you needed to told with a short wordcount, I did feel like you had a bit of runway to work with for expanding things a bit more than what you had for stopping and smelling the proverbial roses, since some things like showing Espurr reacting to the aftermath of the last chapter a bit more might have been fun to see, but what’s there was still well put-together.

Though that rounds out my batch of prize reviews, @SparklingEspeon . Thus far, the broad strokes of this story have been generally familiar but with enough differences from the original story to keep things from being repetitive. The change in format also seems to have worked quite well for your story, since a lot of the events that felt kinda long and unwieldy in the original version of this story felt streamlined down into a more distilled form. I don’t know if that was a deliberate goal on your end for the rewrite, but the effect was certainly noticeable.

I had a lot of fun with these past three chapters, and I’ll be looking forward to coming back to Espurr and Tricky’s tale again sometime in the future to see just what other curveballs you’ve got waiting up your sleeve. ^^

 

[SparklingEspeon]

​

CHAPTER FOUR: POLIWRATH RIVER

~\({O})/~​

Espurr was jolted awake by scuffling outside her window. She cracked open a bleary eye to see. The bedroom was dark, dim lights outside illuminating shadows against the wall.

Then, she watched a crooked shadow pass. It was lanky and cloaked, dragging itself along like a zombie past her window. It brought it with it a wicked feeling. She got the most rancid vibes, a malaise that made her tail bush up and her fur stand on end.

Without a sound, Espurr crept off of her bed, slunk over to the wall, and inched over, out of sight, until she could peek through the window.

There was a dark figure in the square, standing towards the south pathway that led towards the wilderness. They stood on two legs and wore a ragged cloak. No-mon else was there.

When the figure started walking south, everything screamed at Espurr to ignore it. But she had a horrible feeling. Could this have been whoever was controlling the Coneheads?

Sneaking out now was a horrible idea. Instead, Espurr thought quickly and dug through her bag. She pulled out the expedition gadget, looking through all its settings. Where was the… there! The camera function!

Espurr held it up to the window, getting the cloaked figure in the frame. Then she pressed the button.

Flash.

Espurr gasped and quickly pressed herself to the wall behind the window. She hadn't even thought of the flash!

Holding up the back of the gadget, she could see in its vaguely reflective surface that the figure had stopped. Her heart went cold as it turned around and slunk back towards the square, closer and closer.

She heard the scuffling. The figure loped up like a feral animal, sniffing around and letting out quiet snarls.

Whatever it was paced back and forth outside the window of her room for a bit. Espurr barely dared to breathe. Silently, she slipped the gadget back in and clutched her bag, in case she'd need to make a quick escape.

After almost a minute of excruciating terror, the figure snarled and loped away. Espurr dared to peek back through the window again just in time to watch them flying off, their cape billowing behind them as they bolted into the wilderness.

The rancid, evil feeling left with them.

Espurr released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She curled herself up in her straw bed out of sight, watching the window with wide eyes, waiting for the first ray of sun to peek over the horizon.

~\({O})/~​

Whap-whap-whap.

Espurr jumped up and thumped her paws against the panes of Tricky's window.

Whap-whap-whap.

Tricky stirred and groaned, shifting from her bed. It was quite early. Espurr, who could just see over the tip of the windowsill, watched as the fennekin rose from her bed, wobbling, and pushed a crate towards the window. She quietly shivered, her fur bristling at the screeeeeech of the case against wood.

Seconds later, the window opened, and a grumpy Tricky flopped out, her fur looking even more unruly than it usually did.

"Whu…" she yawned, ears low. Her eyes were barely open. "Wha'sit…"

"Get up," said Espurr urgently, looking up at her. "I found proof of a kidnapping."

"A… wha?"

Tricky was evidently not awake enough for this.

"A kidnapping," Espurr said again for good measure. "In a mystery dungeon. It's connected to the Coneheads, I just know it! Want to see?"

Tricky slumped into the windowsill, groaning.

"Comin'…" she grumbled.

~\({O})/~​

Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy gathered at the entrance of the dungeon, looking up at the shimmering dark woods ahead of them. Just through the trees, they could all see what looked like an unusually shrouded grove of forest, all viney and tangled.

"I saw the tracks leading here," said Espurr. "Along with signs of a fight. And the mud looks like somemon was dragged in there. See all the struggling?"

She pointed out all the disturbances in the thick mud that coated the ground, along with a deep impression that led all the way into the dungeon.

"You think it was Hypno who got dragged in there?" asked Tricky, her eyes tracing the impressions in the dirt."

"It's got to be," Espurr replied. "I already asked around for other disappearances, and nothing. Plus, he's been missing a day already."

"W-what about the photo?" asked Goomy.

"I couldn't get it off the connection orb," said Espurr. "Also, if anymon finds out we have a connection orb, the whole town will know by tomorrow."

Goomy looked like he wanted to disagree with that.

"S-shouldn't we use proof if we have it?" he asked.

"It could be anymon in a cloak in that picture," Espurr said. "What does it prove?

"Anyway, I tried talking to the police about the tracks, but the new officers said to bugger off," continued Espurr indignantly, folding her arms. "You'd be surprised to learn they don't take tips very well when you're enrolled in school and a third of a metre tall."

Tricky, meanwhile, had started shuddering. Her eyes were wide, studying the mystery dungeon in front of them.

"Wait a minute…" she said. "That's Poliwrath River!"

Espurr looked at the dark dungeon ahead.

"What about it?" she asked, looking over at Tricky.

Tricky's ears lowered. The fennekin trembled, backing away. Espurr was suddenly hit with a wave of blue, which made her vision fuzz out. She groaned and clutched her head, having to stumble back to keep her balance.

"That's… That's…" Tricky said, stepping back, her tail curling around her. "I don't wanna go into this one. Sorry."

Espurr, having recovered, crept over and sat down next to her on a log.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "You've never backed away from a dungeon before."

"It's…" Tricky trailed off. She took a deep breath and stood up. "I'm not going back in there. And you two can't either!"

The breeze blew in her direction, and Espurr caught a whiff of that familiar rotting stench. It was definitely a mystery dungeon. And a powerful one too. Espurr could feel its presence practically hovering in the air around her. Even from outside, the dungeon felt malevolent.

Goomy looked at the dungeon ahead.

"I-if he was dragged in there, then…" he steeled himself, taking a big breath that puffed him up a bit like a balloon. "Somemon has to go in after him."

Espurr and Goomy looked at Tricky.

"Aren't we a rescue team?" asked Espurr. "If hypno's in there, then it's our job to rescue him."

She looked ahead to the dark grove of vines that tangled around the dungeon.

"If we can't get anymon else to listen, then we're all that's left."

She looked back at Tricky.

"If you were trapped in there, you'd want somemon to save you too, wouldn't you?"

That seemed to sway Tricky more than Espurr could have realised. The fennekin stiffened up, then her gaze hardened.

"Fine," she conceded, getting up and prowling towards them. "But then I'm not coming back here again."

"W-what's wrong with the dungeon?" asked Goomy. He had tilted the upper half of his body, his antennae flopped sideways in confusion.

"There's just…" Tricky trailed off. She took a deep breath, her tail flattening.

"It's nothing," she said dejectedly. "Just… you guys are still my friends, right?"

Espurr and Goomy could only nod, partly in confusion.

"Always," said Espurr.

But the question remained: what was Tricky hiding?

~\({O})/~​

They packed everything they had, and Espurr bought a luminous orb from Kecleon's.

"Are you kids sure you should be handling this?" asked Kecleon as he looked at the orb on the counter in front of him.

"It's for our treehouse," said Espurr sweetly, laying it on thick.

"…Yeah!" added in Tricky. Goomy nodded along, antennae bobbing back and forth. "It gets dark in there. We need some light for… things."

Kecleon didn't look convinced, but eventually allowed greed to supersede his scruples and took the money. He still gave them a hard stare, though.

"…You kids play nice, now."

It felt like no time at all before they were assembled back in front of the dungeon, the dark entrance looming right in front of them.

"Ready?" Espurr asked softly. Tricky was more anxious than usual, her tail swooshing back and forth frenetically. Espurr looked over and gave her a comforting look, which seemed to help.

"All set," sighed Tricky.

"M-me too," said Goomy.

They linked paws and walked forward, letting the change of breeze and the damp, rotting scent wash over them. Espurr's ears popped.

They stepped into a windless swamp. The landscape was sweeping and dark, covered in vines and twisted branches that hunched over the marsh. Espurr rummaged in her bag and pulled out the luminous orb, which now gave off a bright blue glow. She held it up in front of them, the blue light illuminating their faces.

"Good thing we bought that," Espurr said, tilting her head. Even with it, they could barely see even ten feet ahead. Tricky and Goomy just agreed.

"I-I hate the dark," stammered Goomy.

The place was deserted, even for a mystery dungeon. The three of them trudged through the thick, muddy marsh, looking for any sign of a disturbance. They kept the orb high, clinging to it like a lifeline.

"T-the vines look like monsters," commented Goomy as they trawled along. It was true. The branches looked like twisted fingers grasping out for them, the vines gnarled like spider's legs and frayed rope.

Occasionally, Espurr got the feeling she was being watched by something swimming in the water, taking care to stay far out of view. Even though she never caught full sight of any creature other than the three of them – not even any dungeon 'mon – Espurr kept a wary eye on her surroundings anyway.

"Where are the dungeon 'mon?" she whispered after a few corridors of silence. "We're carrying around a large light and we haven't even seen one."

"Don't know," answered Tricky, who was in charge of roasting anything that came their way. Rather than her normal peppy self, it seemed like her fur was raised, and she was slinking around quietly. The blue was radiating off of her, constantly fudging at the edge of Espurr's vision.

Espurr decided to ask properly.

"Tricky, what's wrong?" she asked. "You're never like thi—"

Something bubbled in the swamp behind them, making all of them squeak and jump. Tricky opened her mouth and conjured a swift flame, intending to burn anything that came their way. But the swamp was silent.

"It's really nothing," insisted Tricky, her voice sickly. "I just want to find Hypno and get out."

On the second floor, the dungeon suddenly went cold. It was the kind that sent chills down one's back and made them feel like they were being watched from all sides. Espurr decided that this was an evil place. Eviller than all the mystery dungeons she had encountered so far. And still, no sign of Hypno had turned up.

Maybe something had happened here, Espurr wondered as the team walked through the third floor. The absence of dungeon 'mon was beginning to unnerve her a little. Dungeons were almost never deserted like this. Not unless there was something worse around. And there was something worse lurking around – Espurr could feel it in the air, getting closer with every floor they passed.

The dungeon only got more overgrown, and the marsh deeper. It almost sucked in her whole legs now, and the bottom half of the exploration bag was practically dragging through the muck. The only relief was that it seemed to be thinning out into swamp water instead of just thick mud, and it was getting easier and easier to wade through the dungeon. But even so… Espurr truly hated mud. Tricky was trudging through with a grim look on her face, and Goomy was gliding along the surface.

There was no sign of Hypno on the third floor, either. Instead, they found the stairs, half-submerged by the marsh. Espurr just pulled herself out of the mud with a squelch, and hurried up to the next floor with Tricky and Goomy as quickly as she could.

The next floor led onto dry land, and Espurr was finally free to move her mud-caked legs again. But her relief didn't last long – if the last couple of floors had seemed ominous, then this floor terrified her. It was like the dungeon was practically looming over her, and Espurr was hard-pressed to keep her wits about her as she traversed the soggy wet land.

They came to the borders of a proper marsh. It was expansive, Espurr took a few careful steps back from the riverbank, for fear of slipping in.

"Aww…" trailed off Tricky. She skirted around the border of the swamp for a moment. "This wasn't here before! How are we going to get past this?!"

Espurr's eyes wavered to one of the ridiculously big lily pads floating on the water above. Could they… ? It seemed ridiculous.

Espurr snapped a vine off a low-hanging tree. She picked a stone up from the ground and tied it to the vine. Then she swung it with her paws, and threw. It hitched on one of the lily pads in the distance.

Espurr tugged gently on the vine, pleased that it held fast, and began to pull it towards her. Soon, it bumped up against the side of the shore. Espurr took a deep breath, and then slowly put her front paws on the massive lilypad.

It felt fragile, but it didn't break. It was easily big enough to hold all three of them.

Tricky and Goomy carefully boarded. Espurr slowly climbed onto the rest of the lily pad, staying on all fours to spread out her weight. She put a paw in the marsh, and gently began to paddle forward.

The lilypad cut across the water silently. Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy all carefully paddled with their paw through the marsh, slow, silent strokes taking the lilypad across the lake at a snail's pace. Goomy had found a stick hanging around the bank and was using it to help row them along.

They had paddled for a while when she thought she saw something ripple in the marsh to the left. Espurr barely held in a sharp gasp.

"There's something in the water," she hissed to Tricky and Goomy.

"W-what?" asked Goomy. He was starting to shiver, looking around for any sign of something.

"Over there!" said Tricky, pointing to some stray ripples in the distance.

Espurr's heart pounded. On this lily pad, they were all helpless to do anything about it. Except keep calm. And get to the other side. She began to continue paddling like she had been before, breathing a little harder this time.

A minute later she saw the water ripple ahead of her, and it occurred to her that whatever was in the water might just be toying with her. If that was true… they might never reach the other side of the marsh. But she was so close… Espurr began to peddle even faster. Her paw was starting to splash in the water.

"You're upsetting the paddle–" Tricky began.

Then the poliwrath attacked. A blue slimy fist suddenly punched through the underside of Espurr's lily pad and grabbed Espurr by the stomach—

All three of them screamed. Espurr quickly bit down on the hand with her fangs just as an ember from Tricky's mouth shot towards it. The hand jerked, letting go of her stomach and sank back into the water slowly. But its absence left a large hole in the middle of the lily pad. And they were taking on water fast. Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy stared at the hole in horror.

Espurr began to scramble for something to stop the flow – something to fill the hole with, but there was nothing. It was going to sink and then they were going to die and—

"What do we do?!" Tricky and Goomy panicked, looking at the hole.

Espurr looked at the shoreline. It was just over there.

"We'll have to swim," she said.

Another blue hand suddenly grabbed the edge of the lily pad behind her and then before she knew it Espurr was flipped into the water—

The water was cold and muddy and murky. Espurr felt herself sink down into it, still woozy from the punch to the gut she had taken. Something grabbed her leg and pulled her deeper down with a whoosh, and then Espurr saw the poliwrath in all its glory for the first time.

It was massive. Scarred. Blue and ugly. Its eyes were black as night. Her heart nearly stopped. She directed all her mental energy in a straight beam towards the poliwrath, and it was knocked back a good six feet in the water. Espurr didn't waste any time getting to the surface.

She pulled herself onto dry land, grabbing the waterlogged exploration bag from the water and standing up. Her fur was soaked and heavy, and she was freezing. Espurr quickly stood up, coughing a bit but keeping her balance.

"Tricky! Goomy!" she yelled. She saw the two of them pulling themselves to the shore, looks of ragged terror on their faces. Behind them, the poliwrath poked its eyes out of the water. "Watch out!"

Tricky looked up at Espurr, but then the poliwrath took the opportunity to land a pair of twin attacks against them. Espurr ran forward on instinct, barely stopping herself at the riverbank. She had to help!

"Go! Run!" Tricky screamed. Espurr quickly shouldered the exploration bag, and then the three of them bolted off into the foliage together.

Espurr could smell something burning in the distance as they ran. "Is something burning?" she asked.

"I s-smell it too!" Goomy added.

"I…" Tricky panted as they ran. "I kinda sorta maybe by accident… set something on fire back there."

The burning smell was coming from ahead. Espurr, Tricky and Goomy suddenly stopped short – it looked like the dungeon was on fire! The ceiling of the dungeon had caught fire quickly, and spread ahead of them. Through the burning plants and trees and vines Espurr saw them: a pristine set of stone steps sitting amongst the smoldering shrubbery.

"Look!" Espurr shouted, pointing into the fire. "The stairs!"

An entire tree was thrown to the wayside behind them. Espurr's head spun around, and she saw the slimy blue hides of the Poliwrath as they approached from the other side. Espurr looked between the two hazards – death by poliwrath, or fire?

At least they had a chance with the fire. Tricky didn't even think twice – she bolted off into the inferno, sparing only a single look back at them as she ran.

"Come on, you two!" she hollered, looking back and sounding terrified. "It's just fire!"

"Easy for you to say!" Espurr and Goomy both yelled at her.

The poliwrath were practically on top of Espurr and Goomy. Espurr grabbed ahold of Goomy's paw and dashed into the flaming part of the forest, and the poliwrath went after her. She carefully edged and shimmied around the flames – she didn't want to end up roasted! The poliwrath snuffed out the flames as they went and threw aside entire flaming tree branches and objects. Espurr saw a stone go soaring towards her, but it went over her head and landed in a ditch a couple of feet ahead of her. She kept her head down after that.

She was nearly at the stairs now, where Tricky was waiting impatiently. "Come on!" she yelled once more. Espurr wanted to say that she was going as fast as she could, but that would have taken up too much time. And then she was at the stairs, and the poliwrath entered the clearing, and they began to charge—

—A large, mottled fist almost grabbed Espurr's foot. But then the stairs began to warp, and suddenly Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy were all alone in the cold, dark marsh.

Espurr could still smell the burning. It was distant, but still there.

Tricky caught her breath from before. She was breathing heavily in and out, trembling and quaking.

"What was that?!" she cried out in terror, huddling up in a ball against a tree. Espurr and Goomy huddled next to her, all of them catching their breaths. Espurr tried to console her, but Tricky was beyond helping.

"I don't want it to happen again…" she muttered between the trembling and sobs.

"Want what to happen?" Espurr asked.

Realising how crazy she must have sounded, Tricky took deep breaths, trying to calm down.

"I just… didn't want to lose another friend," she said quietly. "This dungeon is cursed."

"T-tell us what's wrong," said Goomy.

Tricky took a deep breath, and reluctantly started talking.

~\({O})/~​

Then​

"I'm going to be the next great explorer!"

Fennekin pounced from hedge to hedge, getting tangled in the brambles and rolling to a stop in an open patch of grass.

Budew chuckled as Fennekin rolled to her paws and shook off the briars. She trotted up to him and beckoned him towards her house, the one with the blue shell design for a roof, with her tail.

"C'mon!" she yelled, looking back at him before running off. "I can smell lunch!"

"Hey, wait for me!"

Budew shook a stray briar off his bright blue scarf, which matched Fennekin's, and hurried onward after her. He could smell lunch cooking too.

"You know there's monsters in mystery dungeons, right?"

Fennekin and Budew messily ate at Carracosta's ornate, carved dinner table. He kept a neat and tidy house, fighting the mess Fennekin brought with her at every angle. On one of the oak walls lay a frame with an old, weathered scarf and a couple of tarnished badges. There were also photos of Carracosta on several different roads, carrying a stuffed explorer's bag and a walking stick.

The real Carracosta sat at the table, a large plate of fruit in front of him. He stuffed a grape into his beak, blinking wearily. He looked older than the photos suggested. And more tired.

Fennekin had that effect on pokemon.

Deerling sat across from them, daintily eating small bites while Fennekin and Budew stuffed their faces in their plates. She had been the one to speak.

"Guilds don't take slackers," started Fennekin, chewing with her mouth open. "If you wanna get into a good one you have to start working now!" She swallowed her food with a massive gulp.

"EAT POLITELY!"

Carracosta banged the table with a flipper. Fennekin squeaked and went silent. Budew lifted his face out of his plate too.

"S-sorry, Mr. Carracosta," he apologized.

Carracosta grunted.

"Dungeoneering isn't for the faint of heart," he said to Fennekin. "It did your parents in. Nearly did me in too."

"It doesn't mean they died like that!" Fennekin blurted out. She raised her paws in protest as he got up from the table. "You don't know how they died! You don't even know if they're dead!"

Carracosta lumbered over to the kitchen sink and dumped a bunch of dishes in.

"I know they died or disappeared, earlier than they should," he grunted. "Don't go charging headfirst into something you'll regret."

"Well, I think they're pretty dangerous," said Deerling loudly. She was starting to get snobby, like she always did when she was sure she was right. Fennekin hated that. "And whatever I say goes, so you can't go in them. Neither of you."

"You're so bossy," Fennekin pouted. Deerling's parents were loaded, so she thought she could boss everymon else around.

"But I'm right," retorted Deerling, turning her snout up.

"Am not!"

"Am-too."

Fennekin blew her a raspberry. What did Deerling know, anyway?

They were friends, sure, but it wasn't Fennekin's first go-around with a dungeon. She knew the ropes. And while Deerling wasn't open to dungeon-going, her friend Budew was. That was why Fennekin gave him her other scarf. Someday, they were going to be partners.

~\({O})/~​

"Budew! Hurry up already!" Fennekin's ears twitched, sensing Budew as he dashed through the underbrush after her. They were at the outskirts of the village, where the buildings ended and the forest crept in, and he was already falling behind. She was going to leave him in the dust at this rate. "We're supposed to go check out that mystery dungeon today!"

"Hah… Can't you go a little slower?" Budew asked, panting. "I'm outta breath."

"Fiiine…" Fennekin whined, falling back into a trot instead of a frolic.

"I thought we weren't supposed to go into mystery dungeons this far out," Budew said once he had caught his breath. He adjusted the scarf he wore like a cloak with his vines, quickly fixing Fennekin's before she could brush him away. He was a neat freak. She lived and breathed mess. They balanced each other out. "Deerling would be mad."

"Well, yeeeaaah," Fennekin drawled. "But it'll only be in and out, and who cares what Deerling thinks! Besides, all the great teams were doing this when they were our age! If we wanna grow up and join the Expedition Society one day, we need to start training now!"

"I guess…" Budew admitted. "Where do we go, though? Is there even a name for it?"

"It's called Poliwrath River," Fennekin said. "Look—I know the way! I snuck a look at Farfetch'd's maps today in class."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Budew asked.

"I was just gonna ask you that," Fennekin said with a mischievous smirk on her face, and then she was off so fast that Budew had no hope of keeping up.

It felt like only seconds before they were in front of the dungeon. It loomed above them, dark, gloomy, and overgrown unlike the bright, green forest around them. The border shimmered, reflecting the light in strange ways.

"I'm not so sure about this anymore…" Budew looked up at the entrance to Poliwrath River anxiously. "Can we go back now?"

"Nope! No take-backsies! You promised you'd go exploring with me today!" Before Budew could even protest, Fennekin planted her head against his backside and began to push him up there herself.

"NOW can we go back?" Budew asked, glancing back longingly at the entrance of the mystery dungeon that they had just walked into. The place was dark and gloomy, overgrown just like the entrance was. Even Fennekin had to admit it was creepy. But that just added to the thrill!

"You can't go out of a mystery dungeon the way you got in, silly," she waved him off. "The only way out now is up-up-up!

"Besides…" she added, countering Budew's fearful face with a contagious grin. "This is a water-type dungeon! You have a type advantage here! Don't you get how awesome that is?"

"I guess…" Budew said.

"Wait. You know type matchups?" he asked a second later.

"Yep." Fennekin trotted next to Budew, grinning like the smuggest fennekin in the world.

"I can't believe you actually paid attention in dungeon class!"

"I try."

All the chatter was clearly making Budew less and less anxious. That, and the fact that they had not encountered any enemy pokemon yet.

"So what kind of pokemon live around here anyway?'"

"Uhh…" Fennekin began. She hadn't looked at that, she just knew the dungeon's name. "It's… a surprise!"

"A… surprise. Huh."

"Yup," Fennekin nodded.

By the time they made it out of the dungeon, night had already fallen. Fennekin yawned and stretched once they hit solid ground again. Budew was rubbing his eyes with a vine, tired. But Fennekin was full of energy.

"Wasn't that awesome?!" she asked, grinning and jumping with glee. "We totally walked all over that thing!"

"How late is it?" Budew asked wearily, looking up at the dark sky. "We haven't even had dinner yet…"

"Uhh…" Fennekin looked up at the dark sky. Her ears flopped down. "Maybe if we sneak in through the window they won't know we were gone? You could say you were having a sleepover at my place!"

Then they heard names calling. Their names.

"You two!"

Fennekin squeaked with fright and Budew nearly fell over. Behind them was the dungeon class teacher, Watchog. He'd give the sky detention for being sunny if he could.

Watchog grabbed them both by the scruff of their necks.

"I just received a tip-off that the two of you were up to no good," he growled.

"W-we weren't! Honest!" barked Fennekin. "We just got… lost."

Budew looked one way, then the other.

"Y-yeah," he said.

"That's not what I heard," Watchog snarled, holding them close to his face. His breath ruffled Tricky's fur. "I heard you two were in a mystery dungeon."

~\({O})/~​

"A dungeon?!"

Roserade, Budew's mom, stood in the school clinic. She looked down at Fennekin viciously, who was curled up on the rug.

"How could you let this happen?!" she lectured the school staff, which were assembled in front of her. "He should have gone straight home after school."

"I-I'm afraid we can't control what our students do in their free time," Farfetch'd chuckled nervously, wilting under Roserade's glare. His wings anxiously massaged his staff.

"Believe me, if it were me overseeing them, none of this would have ever happened," grumbled Watchog with his arms folded.

"Then why weren't you?" Roserade angrily accused him. Watchog looked taken aback.

"I—"

"Listen, we'll have a stern talk about this with Fennekin," said Nurse Audino, cleanly interrupting him. She sent Fennekin a look that told her she meant it. "In the meantime, why don't you file a complaint with us?"

As Audino led Roserade off with Simipour, Fennekin just curled into the carpet further. She didn't mean for it to turn out like this…

Budew didn't come back to school for a few days. Fennekin meant to apologize to him, and snuck around to his house one morning.

"Hey! Budew!"

She banged on his bedroom window with a paw. The windows were dark. It was a foggy, gloomy day, and the sprinkles that were falling from the sky now threatened to turn into a proper rainstorm. Fennekin had snuck around the back of the house, hoping to avoid Budew's mom.

"Are you there?" she called as loud as she could without letting the whole neighborhood know she was there.

A moment later, the window opened. Fennekin trotted backwards a bit and looked up eagerly. Budew hopped up onto the windowsill and looked down.

"What is it?" he asked wearily.

"I just wanted to say—"

"Mom says we're moving," Budew interrupted.

Fennekin tilted her head. "Moving? Why?"

"She says she's not comfortable staying here anymore. She says it's your fault. She's putting me in another school."

Fennekin' ears went down as she tried to process all of that.

"Well, uh… I can just find you after school, then!"

"It's…" Budew paused, his tone regretful. "…in another town. That's why we're moving."

The gravity of it started to set in. Fennekin' head spun. Moving? Far away? But that would mean…

"…So I'm never going to see you again?"

Budew just eyed the ground outside glumly, then hopped off the windowsill.

He came back with the blue scarf Fennekin had given him. With his vines, he threw it down to her. Fennekin looked at it with shock.

"I don't want it anymore," he said.

"You… wha?" Fennekin' ears were pinned to her head. She couldn't believe it… she looked at him, then the scarf, in complete shock, her mouth open.

"But… you can't go!" she barked as he turned around. "We're supposed to be partners!"

"I didn't even want to go into that dungeon, okay?!" he suddenly shouted at her. "You made me. And now we're moving away, because of you. It's your fault. So just go away."

He shut the windowpane, locking Fennekin out in the gloomy rain. She just sat there, eyes wide, letting herself get soaked. It couldn't be true. He would come back. He was just mad. He'd open it.

Wouldn't he?

"…I'm sorry."

She mumbled the words she'd come here to say to a cold brick wall. Picking up the scarf in her teeth, she turned around and plodded off sadly.

It was only a day later that Fennekin learned the one who had ratted them out to Watchog in the first place was Deerling.

"It's your fault for telling!" spat Fennekin.

"If you hadn't gone in the first place," Deerling countered. "None of this would have happened. It's squarely on you."

"But—" Fennekin began.

"There's no but," Deerling scoffed in disbelief. "How could you just do that? You knew you weren't supposed to take him off into a dungeon, and you did it anyway! And now he's gone!"

Fennekin had nothing to say for herself.

"I will never forgive you," said Deerling. Her voice was silent and cold.

"Fine," growled Fennekin.

They didn't speak to each other again.

~\({O})/~​

Music of the Week!

Smokers Sighted - James Newton Howard

 

[NebulaDreams]

Hello, fellow catnipper! I’ve been meaning to get to your story for a while, and now the cat has been nipped, I have the perfect opportunity to do so. As a disclaimer, I know nothing about SPMD’s story, so I’m just going into this fic blind.

Prologue

Interesting note to start off on! I got quite invested in Rufus already. Even though it’s apparent that he’s not such a good guy, I felt his weariness of being in charge of things and having to kowtow to the humans brought into their PMD world. A lot of this is setup but I already feel there’s a rich world waiting to be discovered. That and I got a kick out of seeing British politics in this PMD setting.

1-1

I giggled at the chapter name. Nice one. As for the rest of the chapter, I felt like it was a strong enough opening, familiar for PMD but it’s done well. I really liked the opening paragraphs in particular, as it had just enough details to paint how mundane the Espurr’s life is before she gets isekai’d into the PMD world. More than most PMD openings, I strongly felt the MC’s terror about being transported to this strange new world in an unfamiliar body with Beheeyem stalking her, and just how out of depth she is in it.

I don’t have many issues so far. The chapter started to feel a little slow towards the end, though I can’t pinpoint what would need pruning, so I’m fine with the chapter as is.

1-2

Really like the diary entries here; they add a lot of personality to Espurr.

Tricky sighed and yawned, blowing out an orange wisp of flame that danced dangerously close to the ceiling. She stretched in the bed with her paws under the ice. Pausing for just a second and snapping her jaw shut, she pulled her paw out from under the leaves and twisted it just to be sure.

A part of me wonders if Espurr should’ve been a bit more weirded out by her surroundings, like the casual sight of a fire breathing fox. I’m used to PMD isekai stories where the human is surprised the Pokémon can talk, either because they’re from the Pokemon world or the sight of talking animals is just out of the ordinary for them, so it’s not necessarily a criticism, just something I think you could’ve elaborated more on.

"Hah!" Tricky laughed. It sounded fake. "I laugh in the face of trouble!"

She forced out a few laughs to make it sound more real. Espurr wasn't buying it.

"You sound constipated," she said.

Lmao

The shock made her dizzy where she stood. It all looked so… so different… she felt like crumpling to the ground. This was nothing like home. She was far away from home. Too far.

She was never going home.

Desperate gears started turning in her head, trying to find some straw to grasp: there seemed to be streetlights, so was there a phone box around anywhere? She couldn't see one. What about that big, two-storey building with the lights? Lights had to mean power, so–

"That's the Café Connection," said Tricky helpfully, seeing where she was staring. Café… Espurr's eyes lit up. A familiar word!

"Does it ha—" she began hopefully.

"The village is larger," Tricky prattled on obliviously, cutting Espurr off.

"Well…" Tricky's tail drooped. She bit back the pain. "She's… adopted! Nurse Audino saved her life last night!" She nodded very quickly, like the speed would prove her point more. Then she looked at Espurr. "Right?"

Espurr was still uncrumpling herself from the ground, feeling quite nettled — from a broken arm to this? — but she figured out almost immediately that Tricky had just come up with the perfect cover story for her.

"Um, that's right," Espurr added, nodding.

Again, I do wish the story zoomed in more on Espurr’s reactions, and for a big chunk of it, it seems like she’s just being pulled around from place to place by the hyperactive Fennekin. I also felt like her emotions were a little inconsistent, lamenting about not going home in one section then getting strung along with Tricky’s shenanigans in another.

The chapter started to pick up towards the end where Espurr finally showed some resistance towards Tricky. I also like how Tricky came across as more desperate as the chapter went on. Methinks she’s a misfit at school just like Espurr and desperately needs some friends.

1-3

Picking up momentum here, I can see that inner strength of Espurr starting to shine through as she stepped up to look for Goomy. It makes sense considering she was in the same boat earlier and endeared me a lot more to her when she didn't show much decision making up until that point.

The Furfrou encounter felt a little anticlimactic. I like how we see Goomy’s perspective and how it highlights the weirdness of the mystery dungeon, but it doesn’t culminate in a big payoff for the main characters since they’re taking so many risks looking for Goomy. I felt like it would’ve been stronger to see the battle from their perspective since both Tricky and Espurr are injured and have to work harder to save the day there.

"And I mean it this time." Audino stopped at Tricky's straw bed on her way into one of the clinic's other rooms. "Stay in your beds, or I'll see what I can do about extending that weeks' detention to a month."

I find it odd that they’re just assuming the Espurr is another student and are already giving her detention when they haven’t seen her before. It feels like Espurr doesn’t get a lot of time to contemplate her situation or speak out against it.

—

So, I enjoyed the prologue and the first three chapters following it. Save for the opening with prime minister Rufus and the diary entries, this felt like the sort of gentle start I’ve come to expect from a lot of PMD fics, where the MC spends a lot of time finding their bearings as they’re in this strange new world.

I like everything on a conceptual level. The fact Espurr retains her memories gives her a bit more of a personality, and I felt like the parts where she lingered on her past with her diary entries and her modern comforts such as her TV and books were the strongest.

I also like the potential of the school setting since it means the main characters have to do more to avoid the ire of their authority figures, though I wondered where the parents of half of these characters were.

While these chapters are a solid start to the story, I felt like parts of it were quite slow and ill-defined. It’s natural that Espurr doesn’t have a ton of agency in the story yet since she’s still getting used to her surroundings, but I had trouble figuring out her internal thought processes and emotions half the time. I pointed out the scene in chapter 2 where she realises that she can’t go home, only for the narration to not expand on that, and it felt like she was being dragged along by the other characters even when there were a couple of moments where she showed more willpower. I can chalk it up to her being in shock, but it felt a little inconsistent.

I didn't fully buy Espurr keeping her identity a secret either since it felt like it was being telegraphed for the characters to find out later and eventually lead to some misunderstanding. It also felt odd to me that the teachers or the Audino didn’t even ask these questions and assumed she was a part of the school already.

Therefore, my emotional reaction to these chapters felt a little muted even though there’s good potential for emotional beats, such as Espurr and Tricky both being lonely misfits and, again, the diary entries give the most insight into Espurr’s mental state.

But anyway, I’m glad I finally got to read a bit of your story and good luck with the rest of it! Hopefully I can check it out again at some point.