Pokémon Do Psychic Cats Dream of Electric Sheep?

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, back for that second chapter of that triplet of prize reviews I’ve been working on. Last time, we got our first glimpse of Espurr getting to see the outside world beyond Serenity Village and the hell Mystery Dungeons right next door, so let’s see what she’ll be up to this time:

Chapter 1-6

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

The Dazzling Dewgong – South Ophria's Best Paper

Disappearance, Suspected Murder in Crossings – the statue killer strikes again

… Wait, did the Beheeyem follow Espurr all the way out there while she was getting registered?

Crossings city police are investigating the disappearance of Raichu Abernathy after he was reported missing, authorities announced.

The 91 year old 'mon's residence was found wide open, with a statue resembling him placed just beyond the doorway. The incident was reported at 4:00, with police arriving fifteen minutes later, the Daily Pelipper confirmed in a press release. This is the latest in a series of similar disappearances occurring in the region.

>resembling him

Um… yeah, funny story about that, Dazzling Dewgong beat journalist…

"The search for Raichu Abernathy and the other victims is ongoing," the West Crossings Police Department responded when asked for a comment. "We ask all citizens to submit a report immediately if he is spotted or if any suspicious activity in your area occurs. Murder cannot be ruled out just yet, but for now we're investigating it as a possibility. It's looking greater by the moment."

Waaaaait, but how does the writer know that this is a killer if Abernathy’s fate is technically unknown?

No arrests have been made in connection with Abernathy's disappearance or presumed murder, or any of the other disappearances. Concerns have been raised over the crime in such a wealthy portion of the city, along with the statue, which appears to be a perfect replica of the 'mon.

The city did not respond immediately to further requests to comment.

Oh, well. I suppose that resolves that mystery there. And hello, Nuzleaf art. Guess this chapter will be his big debut onscreen.

Even though she was an open book, it still took Tricky an entire day and a half to ask Espurr what was on her mind.

"Doywncomtdinrwfme?"

The hurried mash of syllables slammed into Espurr's ear at a volume that made her wince and pull back. She looked across their desk at Tricky, bewildered.

Espurr: “Tricky? Say that again. Slowly this time.” >_>;

"…What?" she asked, keeping her voice in a hush to stay undetected. The class was currently copying down notes from the blackboard about ancient Human society – most of which were just horribly wrong and made Espurr want to correct them all. Lawn flamingos were not idols.

Snerk. Though this joke’s certainly new to me.

"Doyouwanttocometodinnerwithme?"

The voice was loud enough to get the attention of Farfetch'd, who looked up from his papers to survey the classroom. Espurr immediately looked very busy in her notes, which were next to Tricky's notes, which were doodled animals. Once his head had gone down again, Tricky opened her snout and took a deep, dramatic breath, like she was going to blow dragon-fire on something.

… Of course. That one’s definitely very ‘Tricky’ in vibe there.

"Dyuwunna—"

"Speak slower!" pleaded Espurr in a hush. "And please whisper."

[ ]

"Do. You wanna. Come. To dinner. With me?" Tricky forced out in the loudest whisper possible.

This one might have been worth showing off Tricky’s reaction, especially if she’s starting to get annoyed or impatient a bit or doing the equivalent of an eyeroll or something.

Espurr stole another look at Farfetch'd, just to make sure he hadn't noticed. If he had, he didn't seem to mind. His face was still firmly down in his schedule book, a quill from his wing feathers scribbling intently.

Huh. Well, I suppose that Farfetched (and a number of other birdmons in this setting) would never be wanting for writing implements. Even if I wonder if that must weird out others in the setting knowing that their neighbors are writing with the equivalent of their hair.

The truth was, Espurr didn't like Tricky very much. Or people. But Tricky especially. And that Tricky hadn't seemed to pick up on that just made her more and more sure they weren't going to be friends. And worst of all, she still hadn't apologised for — or even mentioned — tricking her into entering the woods that day when they were supposed to be going back to the clinic! That alone soured her on Tricky.

Yeeeeeah, that was kinda a dick move on Tricky’s part there now that you mention it. Like this moment and others like them get significantly sadder and more pathetic once Tricky’s full backstory comes out, but still.

"I need a bit to think on it," Espurr said nicely, hoping Tricky would take the hint. Besides, she shouldn’t be keeping friends anyway. Not when her stay here was temporary.

Oh yeah, that one’s gonna stop her. /s

"Aww, but what's there to think about?" Tricky whispered back, eyes bright and tail lashing. "My Pop's a chef. He makes really good food. Nothing like what the school serves! You really should come."

"Give me some time to decide?" asked Espurr.

She should have turned Tricky down there, but somehow, she just didn't have the heart to say it directly.

Tricky didn't look particularly happy about that, but she perked up nonetheless and was sing-songy for the rest of class.

The underlined feels like it’d work better coming before Espurr’s line instead of afterwards, but that’s a bit nitpicky on my end.

Today I have a special announcement to make," said Simipour, taking a spot in front of the blackboard. Following him was a pokemon that none of the others had seen before, as far as Espurr could tell. His body was covered in smooth, knobbly bark, and he was stout and humanlike. A large leaf hung from his head, but the smile underneath was warm enough to catch her off-guard. He draped his green cloak and his bag in the currently empty sentry spot, and hung around near the blackboard, leaning against the fence.

Oh, hello, Nuzleaf.

He beckoned for the pokemon near the blackboard to come forward.

"This is Nuzleaf," Simipour said. Nuzleaf gave a wave. "He'll be filling in a very important part of your curriculum that you haven't yet covered: elemental power."

"Elemental power?"

Espurr: “... I’m sorry, but are our subjects that we learn in school really ‘history’, ‘berries’, ‘not dying in Mystery Dungeons’, and this? What ever happened to learning math?”

The voice had left Espurr's voice before she could even think about it. She looked both ways, then awkwardly rose her good paw, realising she'd asked without. A couple snickers rolled through the classroom behind her, making her feel very embarrassed. Could anyone see the red in her face through her fur?

Depends on how anime we’re getting, but the funnier outcome would be for them to see it, yes. :p

"Yup," said Nuzleaf, sounding like he hadn't skipped a beat. He didn't sound anything like Espurr had expected, a thick ranch drawl escaping his lips. He kicked off the fence, walked forward and clasped his hands together. "The innate energy shared between each an' every one of ya. The one definin' power an' trait that links all of us together. Our species' hallmark."

Huh, so Pokémon are all collectively one “species” in this setting. Though I suppose that it makes sense given that there’s also vanilla animals that live alongside them.

Simipour gracefully let Nuzleaf take centre stage as he walked behind the teacher's desk.

"Now, I dunno how much y'all have learned over the past few years," began Nuzleaf, leaning forward. "The other teachers will probably fill me in later, but do any of y'all want to give me a leg up? Can anymon tell me wha' elemental powers are?"

… I just realized, but had Espurr used any elemental attacks up until this point in the story? Since if not, she’s quite literally learning how to be an Espurr right now.

Immediately Tricky was jumping up and down in her seat, her tail lashing furiously. Espurr could hear the 'ooh! Me! Me!'s fighting to burst from her jaws. Nuzleaf tossed one of Farfetch'd's stalks in the air, caught it, and pointed her out.

"It's like these really cool fighting moves you can do, like blowing fire or blowing water or making plants grow and stuff!" Tricky blurted out, riding up against the limit of how fast you she could talk while sounding intelligible.

I suppose that she has consistently had motor mouth tendencies since the v1 of this story.

Deerling, who sat behind Espurr, yawned and snorted. Espurr thought it sounded like scoffing.

"Ahh…" Nuzleaf looked sheepish. "Sorta. But tha's only half the story. Anymon else?"

"Elemental powers are the manifestation of the energy that powers all energy-based beings," Deerling spoke up behind Espurr in a stately, controlled voice. "It's the one common link between all pokemon and affords us the power to defend ourselves like no other animal can."

‘Energy-based beings’, huh? I suppose that’s an handy explanation for casual violations of IRL physics involving them. Might also explain a few things about how the “Statue Killer’s” power only seems to work on Pokémon unless I’m forgetting a deet or two.

"Correct!" said Nuzleaf. "Somemon's been studyin'."

Deerling tried, unsuccessfully, to hide that she was proud of herself.

Not that she was unsuccessful, more that she genuinely tried and wasn’t doing the equivalent of humblebragging.

"Elemental powers are the lifeblood of everythin' that ticks in our world," continued Nuzleaf. "As bein's capable of harnessin' that energy, we can not only influence our surroundin's, but also use that energy to create somethin' entirely new. Like so!"

He suddenly pirouetted, sharply raised his hands up into the air, and clapped. The clap sounded thunderous, and a black bolt of energy arched up into the sky before exploding into fizzling fireworks above the classroom. Little specks of shining glitter spread throughout the air, raining down on everyone, before blinking away into nothingness.

Wait, wait, wait, just what move was that that Nuzleaf used there?

"Woah," said Shelmet, before Pancham gave him an annoyed look. Shelmet immediately looked like he wasn't impressed.

Huh. Wonder what on earth got Pancham so butthurt over Nuzleaf putting on a show like that.

Satisfied that he'd impressed the class, Nuzleaf put his hands down and dusted them off.

"Tha' was a move of my own makin'," he said. "I call it 'fizzling fireworks from a night long past'. And by the en' of this week, if you all pay attention, each and every single one of you will be able to do it yourselves. How does tha' sound?"

Espurr, bedazzled, thought it sounded utterly magnificent. [ ]

I suppose that’s the first story sign to keep eyes on Nuzleaf since I’m pretty sure that Pokémon moves don’t work that way, just saying. I do wonder if Espurr’s thought process is cut a bit short for an ending here, though.

Recess was awash with nothing but praise for the new teacher and the cool things he taught.

"Who even is that?" asked a pachirisu through two large cheekfuls of food.

"Swallow your food first," said a pawmo who sat next to her.

"If's for lapher!"

Oh, so we have students beyond the ones that show up in the canon game this time. That’s certainly new, but it definitely sells the idea of this being an actual school a bit better.

Goomy, in the corner, was trying and succeeding in producing a few stuttering purple sparkles. They'd vanish once they left the tips of his slimy paws, but it was more than most of the other students could muster. He had a small crowd surrounding him.

"Very cool!" said Deerling.

… Wait, Goomy have paws? Could’ve fooled me with the official character design. .-.

Deerling and Goomy seemed to be close. Even though they sat rather far apart in class, Deerling followed him around nearly the entire day when he wasn't in detention.

"""close""", yes. As much as a self-appointed guardian can be in a ‘helicopter parent’ sense.

"Well, I'm already ahead in class," bragged Tricky in another corner. "See what I can do?" She opened her mouth and blew out a small stream of fire into the air, which became a flaming ribbon that contorted into a rude word. Audino gave her a mean look and quickly swatted her away from the windowsill she was in danger of scorching.

Waaaaaait, but isn’t Espurr (semi-)illiterate right now given that she needed Audino to help read signage in Crossings? Would she even know what rude words look like in this setting given that those are presumably not in their textbooks?

Espurr, in her own little nook and cranny with her lunch, mostly just had to agree. The subjects here were so… different to back home. She could get on-board with these. Especially with a teacher as kind and fun as Nuzleaf was.

Well, looks like I misjudged how Espurr would react to not learning math in school anymore. :p

But as kind as Nuzleaf was, his class was the last in the school, which meant right after lunch, Vice Principal Watchog shoved them out the door for detention. And Watchog was not a very nice teacher.

"Come on!" he crowed from the fence, like he was an irritable banker short on time. "That soil won't turn itself. You've got three more gardens to plough after this."

Just saying, I’m pretty sure this is violating all sorts of ethical standards right now. I wonder if this would fly with Superintendent Krookodile if he happened to pay a visit right during one of these detention sessions.

Tricky, who was tugging the plough while Espurr and Goomy tugged weeds, grumbled through the reigns, smoke curling from her ears. Espurr, trying her best to work with an arm in a cast, could only sympathise. She'd long since decided Watchog was the new bane of her life.

I mean, yeah, Watchog really does have a way of rubbing poorly on people even in his official depiction. ^^;

There was a newcomer in town that day. Espurr heard about him long before she saw anything. A tall, lean, yellow 'mon in an earth-green cloak, who seemed to be rather nosy for an outsider passing through. Almost no-mon knew anything about him, and bad news had followed in his wake — a 'mon was found missing in Crossings, a strange statue presumed to be a calling card left on his doorstep. That rang bells immediately.

Ah yes, hello Ampharos. And hello, Espurr’s distrust of Ampharos.

It was a bad omen, the village said. He was not to be trusted until proven otherwise. And given what she'd seen in Crossings that other day, Espurr was more than happy to follow that advice. In fact, he got a special spot at the top of her suspect list. Involved in a likely murder… if that wasn't a lead to finding whatever she was supposed to get rid of, she didn't know what was.

I didn’t remember that angle being around in the v1, though it does make a kind of sense that a village out in the boonies surrounded by death-tier Mystery Dungeons would be insular and distrustful of outsiders.

Now that school was out and Watchog was dragging them back to town, Tricky was getting ready to ask Espurr out to dinner again.

"Hey, have you thought about it?" she asked, bright-eyed.

Espurr really hadn't. Between Nuzleaf and the newcomer, she'd been swept away in other things. And truth be told, she didn't really want to go. Everything about Tricky ruffled her fur the wrong way.

IMO, Tricky’s line and the narration from Espurr’s POV should be separated out from each other.

"I'm a bit tired," she replied, hoping Tricky would take the hint this time.

"That's okay!" Tricky yipped, the hint flying far over her bushy ears. "I can walk you back to the school afterwards!"

Espurr: “Ugh… seriously?”

Tricky: “Yeah! It’ll be easy for me!” ^.^

Espurr yawned. Inside, she felt herself shrivelling up. She'd just have to be blunt then. "I'm really not interested, Tricky. Sorry."

"Oh…" Tricky seemed to droop a little. Her tail was definitely less lively. "Okay, then… Let me know if you change your mind."

She was droopy all the way back to the town square. [ ]

This feels like another part where it’d make sense to expand the ending note a bit with more of Espurr’s perspective. Though I wonder if this means that we’re going to be skipping Espurr’s meeting with Pops in this version of the story, or if that’ll just wind up coming later.

It wasn't until the next day that the both of them met the newcomer.

He was loitering around the town square just before sunset. Watchog had made them pick berries again for detention that day, and it had somehow managed to be hotter than the first time. Goomy was tuckered out, his slime congealing more than it usually did, and Espurr, silently dying of overheating, was really considering doing some research into whether 'hairless cat' was a style or not. Only Tricky, who seemed to thrive in the heat, was energetic.

I actually don’t remember whether or not Ampharos met the gang this early on in the v1 or not, but duly noted. I did notice that you didn’t have any scenes from his PoV this time around. I wonder if that’s a meta choice and what that’s pointing at, if anything.

"Are you sure you don't wanna go tonight?" she whined, prancing around Espurr desperately as they walked back to town behind Watchog. "Pleeeaase?"

"I'm sure," said Espurr, trying to trudge along faster. “Sorry.”

"But it's leftover night!" Tricky pleaded. "I made sure to leave some of all the best stuff!"

Oh, so she’s really desperate for Espurr to be her friend, huh? Which if the general backstory behind this is still the same, will wraps right around to once the full story behind that winds up coming out.

"I'm not hungry," Espurr responded, swallowing her irritation.

"But everymon gets hungry," Tricky pointed out. "C'mon! Don't you wanna-"

"Tricky," Espurr said with irritation, turning around. How many times could she say no? "How else can I tell you I'm not interested?"

Tricky, who had been practically right behind her, recoiled a little. Espurr backed down.

"Sorry," the fox said, drooping over a bit.

Espurr’s going to get guilted into agreeing, isn’t she?

[ ]

"Maybe some other time," offered Espurr limply, hoping not to be rude. She tacked on a smile. She suspected it made her look ghoulish.

If Espurr is meant to feel a bit bad about Tricky’s reaction here and get the idea that she should do something to let her off more gently, it might make sense to show that off a bit more explicitly.

Tricky said nothing afterwards, just sitting back on the ground and swishing her tail back and forth as she studied the pebbles on the pavement below her. [ ]

"Wait right here," Watchog ordered them as they approached Kecleon's stall. "I have to purchase the non-pickables. I don't want to see you standing one inch out of place when I return, or I'll assign summer detention for all three of you. Got it?"

"Got it…" All three students recited wearily.

IMO, you should add a bit more description of Watchog noticing the Kecleon shop coming up here since the jump to him speaking feels a bit abrupt.

Satisfied enough, Watchog started off towards Kecleon's stall, leaving them on their own. Espurr took a seat on the ground the moment he had turned his back, almost drooping with sleep just like her classmates. The day had taken a toll on them, and as someone who had woken up early that day, it was taking most of Espurr's willpower to keep herself awake.

Espurr: “Seriously, how are the other teachers just okay with this?”

"Good evening."

All three students glanced up wearily at the pokemon who had greeted them, suddenly straightening up and leaping to their feet when they saw who it was. Audino adjusted her exploration bag over her shoulder, her floral hat on her head and a smallish purse in her other paw.

"N-Nurse Audino!" Tricky immediately tried to look awake, only succeeding in looking constipated instead. "We totally weren't sleeping on you right now! Trust us!"

Audino gave them a laugh and a warm smile.

"I hope 'Vice Principal' Watchog hasn't been too hard on you," she said, waiting next to them.

Wait, just how on earth is Audino enunciating ‘Vice Principal’ there such that it’s obvious that she’s adding scare quotes anyways? ^^;

"Only a little," said Espurr tiredly, which meant that he’d been absolutely backbreaking, and she was on the verge of death.

"I think m-my sl-slime is hardening," mumbled Goomy weakly. Audino, concerned, gave him something to drink.

"You all behaved yourselves?" A brash voice suddenly rang out behind them. Everymon turned around to face Watchog, who lugged back a week's worth of nuts in his paws. He glowered at all three of the students as he approached. "Did anymon move?"

Watchog, this is why nobody likes you, just saying.

"Oh, put a wooper in it, Watchog," Audino retorted, suddenly less cheery. "They were with me the entire time, and I haven't seen them move once."

Wait, Pokémon stuff Wooper into their mouths in this setting.

Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy were treated to the rare sight of Watchog's face suddenly growing spooked as he noticed who was with them.

"A-Audino!" he exclaimed nervously, tightly gripping the sack the nuts were held in. "Fancy seeing you here…"

I actually completely forgot, but what does Audino have over Watchog anyways given that he outranks her on the school hierarchy? Though I suppose considering his overall personality that it wouldn’t be out of the question that Audino would be able to get Principal Simipour’s ear a bit easier than Watchog can.

"Happened to be in the area; thought I'd lend a helping paw," Audino replied. "Hope you haven't worked them to death."

[ ]


"And just what are you insinuating by that?" retorted Watchog.

"Oh, nothing," said Audino. "But one makes observations from patterns."

"Really?" Watchog folded his arms defensively. "This again? They're just as happy to cause trouble on any other day. The way I see it, this is a useful waste of their energy."

Clearly, they weren’t on the best of terms.

Gee, whatever gave it away that these two didn’t like each other? /s

Though I kinda wonder if Watchog’s reaction to the “what are you insinuating” moment should’ve been shown off more, especially if he’s slipping from “defensive” mode to “agitated” or something like that.

"Oh, you did not just go there…"

On the other side of the square, a 'mon Espurr had only seen once before was stumbling through the square, having just knocked over a vendor's apples. She recognised him from Crossings…

"Hey!" yelled Kecleon, who managed the tent. "Those are fresh apples! I just had them come in from up north! You'd better hope none of them are bruised!"

Ah yes, and there’s Ampharos, coming in in a truly on-brand fashion. o<o

"My apologies," said the stranger with an apologetic bow. He helped to pick them up, but Kecleon swatted him away.

"Just go. You've done enough," the lizard irritably muttered. The stranger backed away and moved on.

Sheesh, where’d this Kecleon hail from with an attitude like that? Post Town? /s

Espurr realised quickly that something was off about the way he was interacting with people. It seemed to be from one thing to the other; if he wasn't knocking over supplies, he was hitting it up with some of the pokemon on the street. No pokemon who was up to normal things behaved like that; it looked like he was trying to hit as many pokemon as possible on purpose… it took her a second to register that he seemed to be heading this way.

No, that’s just his infamously terrible natural pathfinding, Espurr. Not that you know about that right now.

"Ah, two new faces!" said the stranger jovially as he approached.

Now that he was up-close, Espurr got a better look at him – tall, bright yellow with black stripes, built almost like a giraffe with a long neck, but with a large, red, faintly glowing orb on his tail and big, long ears that belonged on a rabbit. He wore a cloak that was just as earthy green and slender as the stories had described. He must have been three times her height.

This section IMO would work better with Ampharos’ line split off from the following narration that’s done from Espurr’s PoV.

"Oh, apologies," he said. His voice was light and airy. "Where are my manners? We haven't even introduced ourselves!"

He stuck out a flipper-like paw.

"My name is Ampharos," he said, like he was announcing it to a crowd. "Though you may also know me as… the Dashing Wanderer!"

Cue the cricket noises in the background.

He did a flamboyant flap of his cape, but the breeze just blew it back on him. He shook it off. "And you two?"

Yeah, I figured.

"I'm Tricky," Tricky started loudly before Espurr could say they were just some local kids. "And this is Espurr! We're training to join the Expedition Society when we grow up!"

Espurr's jaw nearly dropped. When had she said that?

Tricky, why.

But before she could refute it, Ampharos had already finished musing and opened his mouth.

"Hmm… Expedition Society, you say," he said. "Very intriguing."

"What are you doing here, anyway?" asked Tricky brightly. "There's, like, nothing here. We're just a loo stop on your way to the mountains."

Just filing it away mentally that the English used in this setting is Commonwealth English… sorta. I could’ve sworn that they used American spelling for

"That… is classified," said Ampharos. "But I can tell you the sights here are nothing short of spectacular. You must get all sorts of tourists in the spring and summer."

"We don't! We haven't had a newcomer since… since…"

Tricky stopped to think for a second, and that second was enough for it to click in Espurr's own head. She was just a nanosecond away from opening her own mouth to tell Tricky no, please don't, but it was too late. By the time the command had reached her mouth, Tricky was already spilling the beans.

"…Since Espurr here! Yeah!"

Espurr:

Espurr wilted. That was her biggest secret, and Tricky had just spilled it to a… to a complete…

Yeah, I figured there.

Ampharos hmm'd.

"Well, that's very interesting indeed," he said. "I should like to make your acquaintance further at a later time. For now, I have many important things that need attending to. So good day!"

And with one more swish of his cape, like he was some sort of campy superhero, he began to walk towards the Café Connection.

Well, Ampharos definitely knows a thing or two about moving around in style. Even if he needs to work on the whole “not bumping into literally everything in his path” part.

That was it! Espurr was peeved, her ears as pinned as they could go. How could Tricky just say something like that? If he was in any way connected to that murder up north… she might be next!

"Tricky!" Espurr snapped annoyedly. Tricky looked back at her.

"What?"

"How could you just tell him that? That was a secret, and you don’t even know him!"

[ ]


"But he seemed nice," said Tricky.

Espurr:

"But he's a stranger!" puffed Espurr.

[ ]


"Sorry…" muttered Tricky. "I forgot."

[ ]

"How could you forget about something like that?" asked Espurr.

"I just… did!"

IMO, this section might be worth showing a bit more off about Espurr’s internal process, especially if she’s more or less seething or screaming internally over Tricky just casually poking her more paranoid inner self in the eye.

Espurr hmmphed and swiftly walked away, making sure that she left before anymon else noticed and she outpaced Tricky before the fox could keep up.

"Have a good night," called out Audino from the distance as she passed them.

Espurr quickly wound up lost. She walked to the outskirts of town, along the vast lake that flowed out to the sea and from the mountains in the distance. The village started to dwindle and disappear, leaving only a few shabby huts with dirty walls and muddy front yards, until the path let up from cobbled bricks into straight dirt. She walked until she reached the house.

Espurr: “... Actually, in retrospect, this was a really dumb idea given that those Coneheads were wandering around in the woods, huh?”

The house was out on a small island, with only a rickety wooden bridge leading to it from the mainland. It was dilapidated, its walls blackened from mud and some of its roof missing. The building was Victorian like some of the older, crumbling buildings back in her city, a complete break away from the airy villas of Serenity Village. The ground it stood on was soggy, and the house had begun to lean ever so slightly into the ground. It was crooked. It was a crooked house.

But the most unsettling thing about it was the aura it gave off. Espurr could feel the evil flowing from it. Her ears flattened down, her tail bunched up, and she took a few steps back. Her instincts told her to hide or flee. It was an evil place. Maybe it had been banished there because the people who built it realised what they'd made.

Oh boy, this place is here in this version of the story. I guess that’s a sign that Riolu will be back this time around again.

"Heeey! Wait for me!"

The distant voice was punctured with a twang Espurr recognised even from far away. She only had to turn around to see Tricky running towards her from the direction of the village and the mountains dotting the horizon.

"Wait… up…" breathed Tricky hoarsely as she finally caught up, panting and out of breath as she came to a stop on the path next to Espurr.

"Why'd you just run off?" she asked, recovering.

"Because I needed a walk," Espurr said, turning around and starting to head back to the village. Anything to get away from Tricky and the house. "Alone."

I can’t help but notice that Espurr’s kinda bad at just being direct with others. Like she was also like that in the v1 of this story, but it has some fascinating implications for her character or what her old life was like.

[ ]

"Look, I’m sorry about earlier, but… But I thought…" Tricky stammered. Espurr wasn't looking or listening. "I thought you were my friend?"

"Friend?"

That struck a sour note within Espurr. Before she knew what she was doing, she turned around to face Tricky.

"No. We're not friends,” Espurr said, her voice dripping with irritation. “Friends don't hound other friends to go to some dinner party. Friends don't wrap other friends up into insane quests they get week long detentions over. Friends don't spill friends’ secrets to random strangers, and friends don't speak for other friends!"

I mean, at least it’s coming out now versus the way it did in the v1? Even if I’m sure that this is still going to end terribly for Tricky’s emotions here.

Tricky, still on the ground, was left speechless by Espurr's words.

"So no," Espurr said, pulling back. "We're not friends. And we're never going to be friends unless you grow. Up."

And with that, she turned back around and started towards the village without another word. She could hear Tricky sniffling in the background, and a tug on her conscience appeared, asking her to turn around. She’d been mean; the least she could do was apologise. But Espurr didn’t.

Hoooo boy, that one definitely would’ve hit a nerve if Tricky’s backstory is remotely on par with what it was in the v1 of this story.

Espurr: “Look, maybe I was a little blunt, but it wasn’t as if anything I said was wrong, right?” .-.

It was better for everymon if Tricky didn’t talk to her anyway.

Well, aside from Tricky, but she’s clearly not on your mind right about now.

The sun had already set by the time Espurr made it back up to the school clinic. She ate a light, simple dinner, and climbed into bed. Audino covered the luminous orbs on the walls with white cloths, and then retired to the backroom office. Espurr flopped on her straw bed, blotting out the dull orange throbbing of her broken arm, staring up at the ceiling as she danced with slumber. She tried not to think about her bad experience with Tricky today. Her stomach grumbled. Perhaps she should have gone to that party.

Dear diary,—

Right, she has a diary in this version of the story. It’s been a while, so I forgot about that one.

Muffled, urgent voices from the room over jarred her out of her thoughts. Espurr’s sharp hearing made out the sounds of voices. When she looked over, she saw that the lights had been uncovered in that backroom where Audino had gone. The warm yellow light shone luminously from under the crack of the door.

Against her better judgement, Espurr let her curiosity get the better of her. She crept off her bed, over towards the door, lowering her ear against it the best she could while remaining hidden. Only then did the muffled voices start making sense.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?"

That was Farfetch'd.

Oh, well that’s totally a good sign there. Not.

"I mean gone," said Audino. "The news came in from Crossings. It was him. The police have no body, suspects, or motive for the disappearance, just that an unusual souvenir was left in his place."

"What kind of souvenir?" Watchog. "And what kind of criminal leaves one behind?"

"The kind who strikes more than once," said Farfetch'd anxiously. Espurr could hear him clutching his leek.

"That's what has everymon worried," said Simipour. "The criminal left behind a full-sized statue of the 'mon who was who was abducted. They seem to have been planning their target for a while, and dumped it there once the deed was done."

Huh. I wonder if that means that the “Statue Killer” has picked off someone in Serenity Village at some point in the past. Since you’d think that “big city problems” would get shrugged off by the inhabitants of a smaller town further away unless there’s been a track record of this not staying a big city problem.

A wave of silence passed through all the teachers. It was an uneasy silence, the kind filled with tension.

"Well, perhaps we just got unlucky," a new voice proposed. Espurr recognised the thick ranch drawl — that was Nuzleaf! "The 'mon was old. He could'a had an enemy. Tha' would explain the statue too; ya don' throw somethin' like tha' together in one day."

I kinda wonder if Espurr logically should’ve started the process of putting two and two together here given that she was depicted as noticing Abernathy’s statue and it being something that stuck with her to the point that it made her suspicious of Ampharos.

There was uneasy agreement from the other four teachers on the matter.

"And what of the newcomer?" spoke Farfetch'd.

"This… Ampharos?" Simipour said.

"That's him," said Farfetch'd. "Do we think he's responsible? He came out west from Crossings just yesterday."

[ ]


"Hmm…" Simipour mused. "Innocent until proven guilty is our policy. We must keep a wary eye out, but not be too quick to act. You never know what the true story may be."

More uneasy agreements from all the teachers.

Another spot where it probably would’ve made sense to get into Espurr’s head a bit more, since thus far, we haven’t really been seeing much of her reactions or thought processes to this conversation here.

"Until further notice, we proceed as usual," said Simipour. "We find another guardian for the student, perhaps somemon with less… history. Meeting is adjourned."

… Wait, less history? As in Audino? I admittedly didn’t get far enough into the v1 to see what that entailed, but…

It took Espurr a few seconds, and the shuffling of footsteps, to realise they were leaving! She scurried back to her bed, and appeared to be fast asleep as the other three teachers filed out and then left.

But when they were gone, the information rattled around Espurr's head. The murdered 'mon… was meant to be her guardian? Her mind flashed back to the Coneheads. Could they have been responsible? She hadn't seen them after she'd been saved that night, and that dungeon must have been far away… but that didn't mean they were gone. And that city, Crossings, it was close. From now on, she had to be on her guard. Because a supernatural killing and a strange newcomer showing up around the same time could not bode well.

She drifted to sleep with unease on her mind.

Ah, there’s all those thoughts and reactions. But you have no idea, Espurr.

~\({O})/~​

Music of the Week!

I'm Helping The Idiot – Sonya Belousova, Giona Ostinelli

You know, I can actually kinda hear how this tune would be fitting for this chapter. Nice casting there.

Alright, time for another recap. The “familiar but different” vibes are back in full force for this chapter, as I see we’re diverging a bit more from the original’s sequence. There also seems to be a bit of that carrying over to characterization. I noticed that Espurr is definitely a bit more assertive this time around given that she firmly shoots down Tricky attempting to insist that they’re friends and doesn’t get roped into meeting Carracosta… yet, anyways. It’s a fun bit of comparison for those coming back to this story from the original, and you at once find yourself empathizing with the different characters’ point of views, since from Espurr’s PoV, of course Tricky’s attempts to glom onto her and be her friend would come off as being overbearing. The foreshadowing for people and places that will (probably) become important this go-around were also welcome, and it definitely lends itself to the feeling that things are moving along a bit faster than they originally did. I also thought that your use of the school classes as vectors for worldbuilding were pretty clever, and I got some giggles out of things like the lawn flamingos gag.

I don’t have too much to complain about in this chapter. There were a couple parts where it felt like you skipped over things like reactions or internal thought processes that would’ve benefited from being more explicitly depicted, but there’s some degree of stylistic preference to be had on that front. There were also a couple of moments where I notice that information was presented in more of an “after the fact” fashion at times when it would’ve likely made sense to present it more in “live-time”. The sequence where Espurr is listening in on the conversation between the teachers about Ampharos and the Statue Killer was the main standout moment that I could think of on that front since it’s not until the very end of the conversation that Espurr overhears that she has real reactions to things, even though you’d think that shed’ be on edge through much of the entire thing given its topics.

Though that was a fun chapter, @SparklingEspeon . I’ll be aiming to wrap up the rest of this prize review by the end of the week, but I hope that the feedback thus far has been helpful, and I’ll be looking forward to seeing where things go from here. ^^