Heya, felt like plugging away at my review trade between taking a gander at one-shots, so will be my review series with the next chapter down the pipe:
Chapter 17
"Baram Town was not equipped to handle the monumental amount of requests thrown our way after the guild collapsed. The supplies are there, sitting in our docks, but we don't have enough pokemon to take them across the continent. HAPPI hasn't responded to our requests for additional support."
~ Mayor Honchkrow of Baram Town
I can't tell whether or not HAPPI is deliberately slow-walking things or else if they've just been genuinely blindsided by events. Either way is more than a little
There weren’t many distractions flying around in Buizel’s head when he decided to focus on a mission, but sometimes he honestly had to wonder why Archen was the off-continent explorer instead of him. The bird was cranky half the time and standoffish the other half, and he had an aversion to mystery dungeons like Buizel had never understood.
Archen: "... Buizel, those places
turn 'mons into drooling monsters!" >v>
Buizel: "I mean, yeah. That's just generally known in-setting. But
I don't need to be drug kicking and screaming into missions in them."
All of that was without mentioning that the Expedition Society would save a fortune in Lapras fares if Buizel had Archen’s spot.
He could probably get Archen’s spot if he asked for it. It was technically a rank above him, but Buizel had been performing missions with a near-perfect track record for just about a year, and a promotion was probably in order. But on the other hand, getting a promotion meant getting on the executive staff. And being on the executive staff meant paperwork. And missions with Mawile. And everymon knew Mawile sucked the fun out of missions with her organization.
Waaaaaait, so how
is Archen getting sucked into missions with Mawile if he's lower ranked than Buizel? Did everyone just go "not it" until Archen was the last 'mon standing?
Surfacing briefly for a breath of air, Buizel took in the large landmass he was currently jetting towards. He quickly changed his direction, rocketing due east instead. It was the Grass Continent, alright. Now all he had to do was find a dock to properly surface on.
When he wasn’t exploring the deep sea and helping to map the off-land portions of the world out, Buizel did a lot of grunt work meant to help pay the Expedition Society’s bills. He counterbalanced that by purposefully choosing missions that took him far off-continent and to remote places of the world. He had even helped Archen with mapping duty a couple of times (the cranky bird still owed him seven [ ] for that).
I think you're missing some word or phrase after 'seven', but that's a pretty chill gig to basically get paid to travel and swim about to your heart's content.
This mission was easy surfing. Buizel had taken it because he’d been itching for a good, long swim after being cooped up with bossy Dedenne for over a week, and the swim to Grass was about as far as any of the missions on the board went. It wasn’t anything complicated. A quilava had dropped a precious keepsake into the bay, and wanted the help of a determined water-type to get it back—oh, there was a dock.
The dock was made of unvarnished, unsmoothed wood. There weren’t even any steps to climb up onto it easily from the water. It took Buizel a minute to get up onto the dock, and a few seconds more to find stable footing on the uneven surface. He quickly shook himself off, then continued on towards the town in the distance.
A little surprised that he didn't just make his way onto shore at that rate. But I suppose there might not have been anything to work with there.
Capim Town wasn’t anything to write home about, but Grass was poor in general. There were none of the emera-powered lampposts of Lively Town, but no luminous moss streetlamps existed either. Most of the houses had been made of massive tree stumps that been uprooted from their original resting places and carved out from the inside, and the signs were in footprint runes instead of unown. Buizel walked across the log bridges that spanned the many tree stumps that made up the town’s squares and walkways, using his rudimentary knowledge of how to read footprint runes to try and locate the tavern. His client would be waiting there for him, according to the request.
Ah yes, an old staple from canonworld since Explorers on. Though for the record, the bit in underlined is why pictoral signs and names used to be in vogue historically. People would call their taverns the like of 'the Red Lion' and put a picture of a red lion on the sign so that way illiterate customers could know they were at the right place.
Actually, Buizel wanted to double-check that. It was always better to be safe than sorry. At least the mission request was in Unown. He turned his attention away from the bridge he was about to step off to unzip the waterproof bag Jirachi had designed for him and dig out the note. It took a while, but eventually he pulled out the note, which had been written on a piece of papyrus.
‘Looking for a water-type willing to recover my lost heirloom for me,’ the note read. ‘20000 Poke reward. Will give more details in person. I will be waiting in the tavern in Capim Town for the next two weeks to see if anyone accepts my request. -- Quilava.”
Okay, maybe it's just because I'm writing for an Outlaw Quilava myself, but that mission listing just
screams "you gonna get robbed". That reward is very,
very generous even for necks of the woods that
aren't described as poor like the Grass Continent is in this story.
I mean, at least the alleged client's meeting in a public place?
Buizel relaxed. His client was in the tavern, then. He stuck the paper back in his bag, struggling to rezip the bag back up. Let’s see… he had only bothered to even try to learn footprint runes at Mawile’s request, but he was pretty sure footprint runes for ‘tavern’ were—
Squish. Everything in Buizel’s head came to a screeching halt. He hadn’t stepped in…
He had. Buizel slowly lifted his foot out of a pile of dung that sat several meters off the path. He grimaced and carefully wiped his foot off on the ground beside that. He had forgotten pokemon on the Grass Continent did… that… now he remembered why he hadn’t taken a mission here in so long.
Well
that's certainly a topic that doesn't come up much in PMD stories, even if Buizel kinda brought that on himself by not paying closer attention to his surroundings when he most likely has a much keener sense of smell than a human as an otter.
Buizel: "Oh
blargh..."
On the other paw, it did alert him that in his reading, he had strayed off the path. He was a good distance away from the town at this point, heading towards the forests.
The badge pinned to his chest drew some looks as he walked into the more populated town square. Some were curious, others dirty. Buizel knew why, knew what they were thinking: Explorer. Shiny metal badges meant HAPPI-affiliated guilds, and HAPPI wasn’t a popular topic on Grass. It was probably a smarter option not to wear a foreign guild badge on this continent, but Buizel didn't care. If somemon wanted to pick a fight over it, let them. He was itching for one anyway.
I swear, this guy is doing everything possible to ensure he has a crappy (har har) experience here on this continent. Hasn't he ever heard of "when in Rome"?
The main cluster of stumps and traditional buildings that made up the town square was in the distance. Luckily, Buizel had remembered the footprint runes for ‘tavern’, and it was one of the first non-stump buildings he saw when he got closer to the square. He ducked through the door, stopping for a moment to squint at the paw-woven cloth they had covering the entrance. Did they not have doors here?
Grass!Staraptor: "It's called a '
noren', Explorer scum!"
Buizel: "Yeah, I'm just gonna hurry up and get my mission and my 20Gs and get
off this accursed continent." >_>;
The tavern was lit by torches that hung from the walls. What little light was inside the dimly-lit building flickered often and made it hard to see. Still off-put by the event that had occurred outside the town, Buizel made sure to check the floors well before taking his next steps. Once he was sure he wouldn’t be stepping in any more piles of dung (at least Grass Continentals kept the stuff out of their towns), Buizel turned his attention to the pokemon in the bar. There were many grass types, but a few bug types and the odd water-type were there as well, and the bartender was an octillery. It didn’t take long for Buizel to locate the quilava sitting on the stool in the back of the bar. A fire type amongst all those grass, bug, and water types stuck out like a sore paw.
Well hey, the mission listing is legit enough for Buizel to not have gotten
immediately robbed. Let's see where this goes.
Buizel quickly strode over to Quilava’s table, clutching his bag close to him as he went. A plate of slightly seared berries and vegetables sat in front of the quilava, but he was barely picking at it. Buizel made sure to clear his throat to get the quilava’s attention after stopping in front of its table.
Quilava looked up, quickly straightening himself when he noticed Buizel. Buizel quickly opened his bag and produced the mission slip, sticking it on the table in front of Quilava.
Make sure to keep Quilava's pronoun and verb tense consistent there unless if you're going to explicitly note that Buizel couldn't sex his client until he was closer.
Quilava looked up, quickly straightening himself when he noticed Buizel. Buizel quickly opened his bag and produced the mission slip, sticking it on the table in front of Quilava.
“Is this you?” he asked bluntly. A straight question was blunter, but it got to the point.
Quilava slowly took the slip of paper in his paws, holding it up to his face. “Yes. Tha’s me.”
“Great.” Buizel held out his paw to shake. He held it there for a moment, waiting for the quilava to grab it. When Quilava did no such thing, Buizel retracted it. “Look, I’m sorry—can we get a move on? We’re burning daylight.”
Quilava: "Yer bein' just a
lil' rude right now, Buizel." >_>;
Buizel: "Look, do you want help getting that heirloom out of the bay or not? Since I'm not working past sundown without illumination of some sort!"
Quilava looked down awkwardly at his plate of roasted berries. Buizel felt a mix of impatience and annoyance flood him. He glanced around the bar to make sure they weren’t catching wandering eyes and ears, then took a seat opposite the quilava. “Alright then. Brief me while you eat. That way we can save time once we reach the coast.”
Quilava looked down at his plate once more. He picked up a fork, speared a strawberry, and put it in his mouth.
“T'was ten days ago,” Quilava started, having swallowed the berry while Buizel was stewing. “Ah was fishin’ off tha coast to tha east of Capim Town.”
>Fire-type
>fishing
I see they raise the Fire-types on Grass to suck up that aversion to large bodies of water as well. Has this 'mon ever considered becoming a sailor?
Whip. The fishing line soared through the air, flying gracefully for a few seconds before entering the water with a ‘plonk’ that barely met Quilava’s ears. That was good. That meant the line was far enough out, and he was going home with a nice big fish to surprise the butcher with. Or maybe he’d roast it himself for dinner tonight. He hadn’t eaten fish in a while. That sounded good…
Quilava laid down on the rocks, staring up at the sky. The necklace on his neck jangled softly with his movements. It was solid gold, with a radiant fire stone encrusted in the middle. The necklace was a precious family heirloom, bought by one of Quilava’s ancestors who had not realized quilava didn't evolve by stone but had enough money to get it encrusted in metal anyway. It had been entrusted to Quilava by his parents when he became old enough to leave their den out in the wild, and Quilava had never parted with it since.
The residents of Capim Town had long since grown used to seeing the image of a quilava walking around with a thick golden chain hanging around its neck, especially a quilava that hunted for the butcher often. Although in his recent days he had taken more to fishing, once predator pokemon more capable than him had moved to the village. When everymon had their sights set on the large prey like bison, no-mon thought about the fish, and Quilava liked it that way.
... Okay, how has
this guy never gotten robbed before strutting around with that on a continent the narration itself acknowledges is poor? That smells like a way to tempt fate if I ever heard it. :V
Though I'd recommend splitting the second paragraph into two. The two parts there feel like you can separate them without much trouble, since the first is about the guy's family backstory, and the second more about his current circumstances.
A loud boom in the sky shook Quilava out of his idle thoughts. He quickly sat up, looking around frantically to find out where the boom had come from. Was it a battle between winged pokemon? He did not see any. Whatever it was, enough commotion and it might scare off his fish.
Then Quilava realized that in his franticness haste to find out where the boom had come from, he had neglected to look straight ahead. The sound of a loud whine from the air caught his ears, and Quilava quickly whipped his head towards the bay in front of him. And then he saw it: Something was falling from the sky. Something massive. And he was about to be caught in it!
That thought jerked Quilava into action. He forgot about his line. He forgot about the butcher, about the necklace, about the fish he wanted to eat for dinner, about anything that didn’t equate to getting out of there. Briefly falling back into his wild ways, Quilava abandoned the townie way of walking on one’s hind paws, scurrying away on all fours from the bay before he could get caught in the wreckage.
Actually, I just realized, but what
are wild Pokémon that are sapient like anyways in this setting? Like we
kinda got a glimpse at what they were like through the Beedrill in Nectar Meadows, but it's a little unclear to me how they relate to the "townies" in this setting or how they view each other.
Quilava: "Nope nope nope nope."
The object—whatever it was—hit the bay with an ear-killingsplitting splash, and Quilava tried to bolt for the trees in the distance. Too late he realized, they were too far away and he wasn’t going to make it. He should have headed for the cave instead—
The wave generated by the object’s powerful splash crashed into the shore and engulfed Quilava. For a few agonizing seconds Quilava was tumbling in the water, his head breaking the surface for one second and being dragged underwater the next, and then the wave receded and Quilava was left panting on the sand, completely waterlogged. He pulled himself to his feet once his body had regained the strength, shivering both from the cold of the water and the absolute fear of what had just happened to him. The massive object had sunk into the water, and Quilava was sure he would see no more of it.
Quilava: "Blargh. Shoulda gone huntin' instead!" >_>;
He wanted to see no more of it.
Staying wet and cold was a hazard for fire types, so susceptible to water-borne diseases. Quilava shook himself off like they did in the wild, then ran back to Capim Town as fast as all four of his paws would take him.
Only after he was back in the safety of his hut and warming up in front of a warm fire did he realize that he had lost his family’s precious necklace.
That's certainly a neat take on why Fire-types are averse to water. I'll admit I never thought of it, but I could honestly buy an explanation like that.
Buizel: "You know, this is why
normal Pokémon don't strut around with their valuables constantly." -_-;
Quilava: "Look, d'ya want tha' 20Gs or not?" >.<
Buizel sat back in the stool, his arms folded as he listened to Quilava’s story. It was the same old story many of his clients gave him—they were going about their day, something unfortunate happened, they got away but lost their valuable thing that they were willing to pay poke to get back. Cue the explorer. He nodded to give Quilava the impression that he was listening, though Buizel had gotten the necessary details already. Run of the mill retrieval mission. Solid gold necklace, that would be heavy enough to sink to the ocean floor. Fire stone in the middle, easy visual. No biggie. He looked at Quilava’s plate of berries, which was empty at this point.
Quilava: "Ya know tha's temptin' fate, right?"
Buizel: "
Relax alright?" >_>;
Seeing that Quilava was done, Buizel rose from the stool and stretched.
“Alright then. Let’s stop wasting daylight.”
“Bu’…” Quilava looked down at his empty plate. “Ah hafta—“
“I’ll cover it.” Buizel opened his bag, dug in it, pulled out an amount of poke he didn’t know the worth of, didn’t care, but he was sure it would cover Quilava’s meal. This wasn’t Swanna Inn. “Let’s do this.”
Considering how poor that one line implies this village is, I'm more than a little worried since that probably means one of two things:
A: This guy likely doesn't have 20Gs to cough up at the end.
B: This guy is going to likely have to resort to something like debt slavery afterwards to get the money to cough up to Buizel for his family heirloom.
A loud bang woke Espurr from her slumber. She sat up straight in her bed of straw, looking around the room that had recently become hers. No-mon was there. She could make out the outlines of the room’s sparse furniture, a dresser and a vacant bookshelf, but she was alone. Espurr kept a close eye on her surroundings anyway. This was not the first time that she had been woken like this.
For a moment, there was silence. And then the dresser began to rattle. Espurr looked at it. If something was in there…
Well
that's ever so slightly concerning.
It suddenly tipped over and collapsed onto the floor with a loud crash. Espurr let out an involuntary yelp and jumped back. And then, for a moment, it did look like there was somemon else in the room with her: the very faintish outline of a pokemon running directly towards her—
There wasn’t time to react. Espurr quickly hit the ground behind the bed, cowering. But the pokemon never came. She felt the whoosh of air, and then a slight funny feeling like something had just passed through her, and then the room was empty again.
Waaaaait, how does she know what that feels like? Though I'm calling it now, there was a ghostmon in her dresser.
The tarps were whipped off the orbs of luminous moss in Audino’s room, and Audino rushed in, looking around frantically.
“What happened??” she cried out. “Was it—was it… oh.” She slowly calmed down, looking between Espurr and the overturned dresser. “What happened?”
Espurr: "I... think that someone was hiding in my dresser."
Audino:
Espurr: "Look, I know it sounds crazy, but..."
Audino walked over, looking at the damage.
“It looks like the legs gave out,” she said, glancing at the snapped front legs of the dresser. “It must have just been old wood. We’ll replace it tomorrow. For now, sleep.”
Espurr tried to, even after Audino had gone back to her room and she lay curled up once more in the bed of straw. She found herself wide awake. Had she just been half dreaming somehow, and the dresser had fallen by coincidence? She glanced back at the overturned dresser. If so, that was a very convenient coincidence.
The idea of a coincidence helped her get to sleep better.
Narrator: "It wasn't a coincidence at all."
“Errand day is usually Sunday, but it’s just about; we can have it a day early.” Audino and Espurr walked through the ever-crowded village square, which was bustling with pokemon all willing to do their shopping in the harsh summer sun so that they could get some of whatever rare imported Mist Continent delicacy Kecleon was offering this month. The Café Connection looked fairly busy as well, and the area of the square that housed Hawlucha’s Slam School was dead and devoid of traffic as always. Audino discreetly stretched as they both walked to the end of the line for Kecleon’s.
“It’s hot out today, isn’t it?” she asked. Espurr hadn’t remembered a day in which it hadn’t been hot outside of a mystery dungeon. The logs were missing from the square today. She was a bit disappointed—it had been a nice place to sit, while it had lasted.
“I wonder where all your friends went?” Audino asked, breaking the silence once more. “I usually see one or two of them hanging around by now.”
Espurr suddenly perked up. Did that mean…
A couple odds-and-ends suggestions here for your consideration.
Espurr: "... (Did Tricky manage to talk them into going along on missions? Or...?)" .-.
“…And that’s a job well done.” Pancham brushed off his paws and gazed up at the finished treehouse. It looked sturdy. Enough.
“Are you guys sure you followed the manual?” Tricky asked skeptically. “The roof doesn’t look right…”
“Hey,” Pancham said. “Me and Shelmet have built treehouses before. We know what we’re doing.”
Oh, right. They never
did finish that clubhouse. Also:
Narrator: "They totally don't know what they're doing."
Pancham: "Oi!
Shut up! We totally
do!" >.<
[ ]
“I don’t think that was the right way to put the shingles on,” Tricky said.
“Whatchu talking about?” Pancham asked, leaning against a tree. “The shingles look fine. Want my opinion? That manual can go mu—“
“That looks wrong,” Espurr said five minutes later, glancing up at the roof shingles.
“See?!” Tricky cried triumphantly. “I told you!”
[ ]
“Guys,” Pancham insisted. “It’s fine.”
IMO you probably want to slip in a couple paragraphs here and there both outlining the state of the """treehouse""" they built and some reactions and body language from the gang here. The bits in brackets are some throwaway suggestions for both (treehouse description in first, mannerisms and body language in second) but there's multiple ways of slicing that apple here.
Deerling shook her head. “No it’s not,” she said.
“Yeah it is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Prove me wrong.”
“Prove you wrong? Have you ever been right?”
“Go out with me and I’ll let you have the last laugh.”
“Ha! You wish.”
“G-guys—“
“That’s not the right way to apply roof shingles!”
“There’s a manual!”
“G-guys—“
You
probably want to be a bit more explicit about who's speaking what in this line. And also dropping in some more explicit body language / moving around, since:
A: I actually can't tell if this is just between Pancham and Deerling or if others beyond Goomy are cutting in.
B: This is 11 lines of almost pure dialogue, and makes it a little hard to visualize the mood and mannerisms of the affected characters and if any of the non-speakers are reacting themselves.
“Alright!” Pancham threw up his paws. “Have it your way. I’m not putting them back straight.”
Espurr leaned back against a tree, rubbing her head with her paws. “They’re back straight,” she said, not even bothering to open her eyes. The rest of the children all glanced behind themselves at Espurr. Then they all looked at the rooftop of the treehouse, and saw that the roof shingles had indeed all been reversed and put on the other way. Then there was a moment of silence as everyone tried to process that.
“I-I tried to tell you,” Goomy meekly pointed out.
Tricky: "Espurr, why did you let him
come?" >_>;
Espurr: "Again, I was
coerced." >.<
“What’s that thing?” Pancham put down the old, title-less book he’d gotten tired of reading, glancing lazily at the other side of the treehouse where Espurr and Tricky were fiddling with the Expedition Gadget.
“It’s our expedition gadget,” Tricky said, not even looking up at Pancham. “We use it for exploring.”
“What’s it do?” Pancham asked, obviously not satisfied.
“I just told you,” Tricky said, standoffish. “We use it for exploring.”
Pancham was silent for a minute.
“So what do you do when you go exploring?” he asked.
Well, they get into near-death experiences for tubes of toothpaste, but I don't think they want to explain it in
quite those terms.
Espurr saw the look on Deerling’s face sour. They had been sitting rather quietly in the treehouse for a couple of hours, all doing their own things but not really talking to one another. It had been so long since the six of them had been in one room together that they didn’t know how to coexist anymore.
Tricky eventually broke the silence between them. “Stuff,” she said, making it clear she didn’t want to continue the conversation.
Quality friendship there!
“What kind of stuff?” Pancham pressed.
“Stuff,” Tricky repeated. “Exploring stuff.”
“So tell me what exploring stuff is.”
“Let’s talk about something else,” Deerling quickly cut in before anymon else could say anything.
Tricky went silent, and then everymon stayed that way.
I actually wonder how the overall mood in the clubhouse would've turned if Tricky gave an honest answer there. Though considering her audience... yeah, I don't blame her for being mum.
It was sundown. Even though the treehouse had been finished, the day was spent in silence between the six of them. Espurr had started the day in relatively high spirits, but before long the waves of negativity from everymon in that room had begun to get to her, and she’d silently excused herself from the treehouse to take a break from it.
It seemed they just weren’t ready to become friends yet.
Tricky: "Gee, what tipped you off there, Espurr? The awkward silence, or the fact that we had to stay in a room with my school bullies all day?" >_>;
Espurr: "Look,
you insisted you wanted Deerling to be your friend, so don't put this all on me!" >.<
They all walked back to Serenity Village in groups of two. Espurr and Tricky stuck together, Pancham and Shelmet walked ahead of them in a group, and Deerling and Goomy were in the front. Even from a distance Espurr could feel the negativity encroaching upon her brain, so she said something to Tricky just to stave it off for a little while: “That salamence mission is still up.”
Oh yeah,
that'll totally end well for those two given how well the Gabite mission turned out for them.
Tricky didn’t respond immediately, but Espurr could already see the gears whirring in her head. She yawned. “Maybe we can go tomorrow...”
The six of them all split up at the village square, and then the haze of feel-bad thoughts that had been plaguing Espurr’s head for nearly the whole day finally lifted. She could think clearly again for what felt like the first time in hours, and her mood was high as she walked into Audino’s house.
Nothing visited her room that night.
That... doesn't sound like it was remotely natural.
It wasn’t the new moon yet, but it was close. Eevee quietly trotted through the forest, followed by Fletchinder. The moonlight was just bright enough that they could see where they were trudging, as well as where all the trees were.
“Are you sure we have permission for this?” Fletchinder asked uneasily, stepping around one of the ferns. Up on the hill in the distance, they could see the ever-dark school buildings looming over them all. “I’m not getting in trouble because you want to cover your tail.”
"They won't mind," Eevee said. "No-mon’s gonna notice if we chop down a tree this far out in the woods. You get your lumber, I file some paperwork, that’s both our tails covered. No-mon’s gonna know.”
33 words spoken seconds from disaster.
A stick cracked in the distance, and something pushed apart some foliage. Eevee snapped her head in the direction of the sound, but then dismissed it. There were lots of animals around this portion of the Continent.
“What if somemon notices the stump later?” Fletchinder asked.
“No-mon is gonna care,” Eevee said. “They’ll just think a storm did it or something.” She walked up to the base of a tree and swiped some of the bark off with her claws. “This one. You chop it down, I’ll debark it.”
Fletchinder: "Aren't they going to
very obviously notice that the tree was chopped down, Eevee?" >v>
Eevee: "Look, we can disguise it after the fact. Just help me out here!" >.<
“…Chop it down?” Fletchinder asked. “How do you expect me to chop it down?”
“You’re a carpenter, how do you usually chop lumber?” Eevee responded.
“Well, I have tools I use…” Fletchinder said.
“And you didn’t think to bring them?” Eevee groaned. “I told you what we were going to do before we walked out all this way to do it!”
... How on earth does this guy even
hold those tools as a bird anyways?
Swish. Both Eevee and Fletchinder went silent. That wasn’t too far off from where they were currently.
“Did you hear that?” Fletchinder whispered.
“No duh I heard it,” Eevee said in the same hushed voice. “Stupid animal thinks it’s got the jump on us.” She turned around. “Whatever. We need to go back for your tools; we’ll come back later after it’s gone away. Sound—“
She stopped abruptly. A frozen expression hung on Fletchinder’s beak, and he stared right through her. It was then that Eevee noticed the multicolored lights reflecting off his face, and thought to turn around. Red, green, yellow…
Their petrified statues preserved their silent screams for eternity.
... Whelp.
“We have to take this one,” Espurr said. She and Tricky were up bright and early, long before any sane ‘mon would be awake in the middle of summertime. The morning breeze gently blew Tricky’s scruffy fur all out of shape, and the sun cast the town square into warm shades of yellow and long shadows. Tricky yawned, blinking her eyes back into focus to read what the expedition gadget was projecting onto the wall.
“It’s an outlaw mission,” Espurr continued. “We’re supposed to hunt down and capture a salamence in the Lush Forest that’s keeping several hostages. The mission recommends we have at least three pokemon on our team to take it, but aside from the outlaw the dungeon isn’t dangerous.”
Oh yeah, that feels like
such a good mission to entrust to the care of a pair of schoolgirls. One of which might as well have only been alive for 2 weeks.
Tricky had to face away from the wind so that her ear fluff didn’t keep getting in her eyes. Maybe this was why she was supposed to trim it.
“What about the reward?” she asked.
“A bunch of poke from the families of the hostages,” Espurr said. Tricky’s ears perked up immediately at the mention of all the shiny gold coins. There was just one thing in the way.
Espurr: "... Shouldn't we be looking forward more to freeing those hostages? Especially with that whole spiel you gave about wanting to be an Explorer to help others who were in trouble?"
Tricky: "Er... I mean, that would be good too, yes. But hey, no reason we can't get rewarded for doing a good thing here!"
“Can we take it with just two?” she asked.
“The mission strongly recommended three,” Espurr said. “It’s a lot of stars. I was thinking we could ask—
“Yo.”
Espurr + Tricky: "Oh
no..." >.<
Both Tricky and Espurr glanced in the direction of the voice. Pancham sauntered up from the east, holding his slingshot behind his back. Tricky could see the stretchy part hanging behind him despite his best efforts to hide it. But more importantly…
“What are you doing here?” she asked, not even making an effort to hide her spite.
“I always get up bright and early,” Pancham said nonchalantly, with that smug look on his face. “What are you doing here?”
Tricky fumed, but didn’t answer. A few tendrils of smoke escaped her ear.
I actually think the emphasis on 'you' works better if it's switched between Tricky and Pancham's lines. Just feels like more of a natural rebuttal coming from Pancham.
- Espurr blinks -
Espurr: "Tricky, is it remotely healthy for your ears to be doing that right now?" .-.
Tricky: "Probably not, but nothing about this encounter is remotely healthy." >_>;
“A-anyway,” Pancham said, blanching a bit under Tricky’s murderous glare. “You guys wanted a third pokemon for something?”
Espurr jumped on the opportunity before Tricky could turn him down.
“We’re going on an outlaw mission. We need at least three pokemon to take it. It’s going to be dangerous, so know what you’re walking into before you say yes.”
“Sounds cool,” Pancham said, with his paws behind his head. “I’m in.”
Oh yeah, this totally isn't an obvious recipe for disaster.
“Hold up. No-mon said you could be in,” Tricky growled. She immediately pulled Espurr aside, huddling in close where Pancham couldn’t see.
“We can’t bring him!” she hissed. “Anymon but him!”
“He’s who I was going to ask,” Espurr said. “I don’t like him either, but we need all the help we can get. And that slingshot of his is pretty useful.”
“But—But—B—”
Tricky: "Espurr, need I remind you that we're going off to fight a
Salamence? What on earth would Pancham do with that piddly little slingshot anyways?" >_>;
Espurr: "More than what we'd be able to accomplish on our own as just two 'mons?"
- Beat moment -
Tricky: "Okay, fair point. But look, can't you find
someone else in town who knows how to work a slingshot?" >.<
Tricky dug her paws into the ground and bore holes into it with her eyes, growling.
“Fiiiine,” she groaned. “We’ll take him. But only for this mission!”
“I’m standing right here, you know,” Pancham said. His arms were folded now.
“I know that!”
“C-can I go too?”
Espurr, Tricky, and Pancham all looked to the west. Goomy was sliming up in their direction, looking a little exhausted.
“Goomy? Why are you up?” Tricky asked, tilting her head in confusion.
Ah yes, sending four schoolchildren including one with a negative bravery stat after a pseudolegendary Outlaw. That's holding hostages...
[*]
[9:05 PM
]
“Yeah, why are you up?” Pancham echoed.
“T-to get away from D-deerling,” Goomy said. “I-I heard you guys talking. I wanna go too.”
“Are you sure?” Espurr interjected. “We’re going to fight an outlaw. It’ll be dangerous.”
“I know,” Goomy said, mustering everything he could to stay confident. “T-that’s why I want to go. I’m not fast, but… I c-can take it.”
I'll believe it when I see it, honestly.
Tricky suddenly felt unsure about all of this. Pancham could hold his own, but she wasn’t so sure about Goomy…
And now that she thought about it harder, what were a group of kids going to do up against a big, huge outlaw anyway? Especially one that had hostages? Maybe this really was a bad idea.
Gee, ya
think? :V
“Maybe we shouldn’t go,” she finally said. “I’m not feeling so good about this anymore.”
“B-because of me?” Goomy stammered.
Tricky wanted to say no, but she knew the answer was yes. Because she wasn’t going to get two more pokemon killed on her count. Because she had promised to stop.
I mean, considering the hostages involved, that's potentially more than 2 lives hanging in the balance from a botched mission...
Memories flashed up again, and she tried to suppress them, to forget. But forgetting meant going back, and she couldn’t go back. Not again.
“We just can’t go,” she said. “And that’s final.”
Somehow, I didn't see Tricky being the one to raise objections first. But considering her background... yeah, it actually checks out decently well even if she was a lot more starry-eyed about that reward than I expected at first.
“Well, if you’re gonna be such a killjoy about it…” Pancham grumbled. He folded his arms and walked off in another direction, not that Tricky was sad to see him go. If there was one good thing about this, it meant not hanging around Pancham for an entire afternoon. Goomy looked similarly disappointed, but he slimed off all the same.
“Why the change of heart?” Espurr asked, watching Goomy slime off.
“What business do we have going up against an outlaw?” Tricky asked. “It’s dangerous. We can’t keep doing that. We said we’d only take small, harmless things, remember?”
Part of me feels like this would've likely worked better if there was some mention of Outlaws and their general perception/reputation in-setting. But yeah, unless if you're just going to flick a Stayaway Wand and mince off with the hostages, this entire scenario just sounds absolutely cursed to attempt as the Dungeon Runners even if it's canon in Super.
“But what about the hostages?” Espurr stressed. “We’re the only ones in the valley who are going to do anything about it. We can’t just leave them.”
“But we could become hostages too!” Tricky countered. “Or, worse…”
Dead.
- Beat moment -
Espurr: "Wait, why
did it take us this long to realize that that would be a serious risk when picking a fight with a
Salamence?" .-.
Tricky: "The reward was really generous and we weren't thinking too hard about the implications?"
The silence hung over them for a few more minutes. Only the wind blowing some leaves away in the Village Square, and the few other villagers who were beginning to wake up in their houses made any noise.
“Still...” Espurr folded her own arms, leaning against the house. “We can’t just do nothing. What’s the point of taking these missions if we ignore it when pokemon are in danger?”
“What if… what if it didn’t have to be us?” Tricky asked.
“How do you mean?” Espurr said.
“What if we brought somemon from outside the valley to do it?” Tricky replied. “Send a letter to Lively Town, with some poke so they’ll put it on the board?”
Wait, just
how common are these kidnappings in this world such that you have to
pay to get them listed on a board?
“Isn’t it already on the board?” Espurr asked.
“Only the one for this valley,” said Tricky. “But if we send it to Lively Town, the police will notice it. And the police can arrest an outlaw themselves!”
Police… Espurr had never heard of them before. “Are the police more powerful than a rescue team?” she asked.
“Well, they’ve gotta be!” Tricky exclaimed. “The police sometimes get rescue teams to do the work for them, but they can arrest outlaws. They put bounty hunters out of business! If we send it to them, they’ll definitely notice it. And they’ll send a team there to deal with it!”
Again:
“Then all we have to figure out is…” Espurr trailed off. “How do we send a letter?”
Tricky’s brow furrowed, as she realized she didn’t know how to send a letter either. She’d never done it, and there wasn’t a letter-sending building anywhere around here.
“Wellll…” she began after a minute. “We could always ask…”
<><><>
“Welcome to the Kecleon Sho—Oh. It’s you two again.”
You want either a transitionary paragraph or a hard scene break in the spot marked there since that's a pretty big jump in time and location. IMO the easiest route is just a hard scene break, but I
think if you're dead-set on it, a transition paragraph would also pull off the effect suitably well.
It was a little past high noon in the square, and the place was filled with its usual hustle and bustle. Kecleon looked down at Espurr and Tricky, who were once again barely able to see over the counter.
“Can you mail something for us?” Espurr asked.
“W-well…” Kecleon . “It’ll cost a little extra, I don’t usually handle mail requests, but, sure. What are you mailing?”
Espurr sat a letter on the wooden counter.
“We want to send this to Lively Town.”
Tricky: "Actually, now that I think about it, Espurr. Shouldn't we be seeking out somemon with wings or something like that-?"
Espurr: "Look, we're
here at Kecleon's. So let's just make the most of it."
Kecleon looked down at the letter, which bulged with more than paper. Picking it up in his green claws, he felt the weight of and heard the tell-tale clink of coins within the envelope. The clinking of more coins on a wooden surface peeled his attention away from the envelope, seeing that the espurr had just put more than enough coins onto the counter to pay the envelope fee.
With a shaky nod, Kecleon set the envelope aside. “I can mail this for you early as tomorrow! Let me count your change…”
A payday was a payday, but he couldn’t help but feel a growing fear as he counted out the golden coins that were his and slid the rest of the pile back towards the two children. This was more pocket change than most adults had. Where were two kids getting this much money from… ?
Espurr: "Repeated near-death exper-?"
Tricky: "(Espurr, don't just
tell him that! You're supposed to say something like 'Uh... Internet?'!)" >.<
Espurr: "(Wait, we have an internet in this world?)"
Kecleon: "I don't even want to know."
Goomy had gotten up six hours early with the purpose of getting away from Deerling for a little while, but he hadn’t really thought it through past that. Which left him with six or so hours he didn’t know how to fill. There were quiet activities he liked to do like watching fish in the lake just off the town square, but he didn’t know if there’d be any fish this early…
Now that he’d been tempted with whatever Espurr and Tricky were doing, all the stuff he’d usually do wasn’t interesting anymore. The two of them were always running off together nowadays, and they were doing cool things like building a treehouse and going off on adventures. He would love to go with them. But they probably didn’t want him along because he wasn’t much better on adventures than a pile of goo, and he couldn’t blame them.
He was so… slow, and slimy, and too meek to ever defend himself properly. Half the time everymon was busy saving him instead. He deflated with a sigh, going flat and dragging himself in a lump towards the near beach of the lake that lay just off the Village Square. Maybe there were some fish out on the pond at this hou—
“Goomy!”
Would recommend breaking up the second paragraph. Also, that
entire thought process doesn't exactly feel healthy there.
Goomy’s antennae perked up at the sound of Tricky’s voice. It came from behind him, and he picked up the sound of pawsteps that were rapidly getting closer. He barely had the time to turn around—
“Goomy!”
Tricky barely stopped herself from collided into him, her paws driving down into the ground to halt her momentum. She panted out a bit, having clearly just made the run all the way from the Village Square to here. Espurr was a ways behind her, focusing intently on her feet as she ran to catch up.
“W-what do you guys want?” Goomy asked, unable to keep the stutter out of his voice for a minute. He hated the stutter. He couldn’t control it.
Goomy: "D-Did you guys change your mind about taking me out on the Outlaw mission?"
Tricky: "Uh...
no. The reason why I came here was..." >_>;
“We changed our minds,” Tricky said, still catching her breath. “We picked out a different mission! And we were thinking… Do you still wanna come along?”
If Goomy’s eyes could have sparkled, they would have right then. Instead, they widened in excitement.
“C-can I?” he asked.
“If you feel up to it,” Espurr said. She’d just caught up, adjusting the bag that lay on her shoulders like she tended to do often. “We packed orans in case anymon gets hurt, and some apples for snacks.”
On the one hand, this is rather cute and endearing. On the other, I'm kinda
at the idea of bringing Goomy into a MD period given that he isn't exactly super durable and has had at least two onscreen near-death experiences in the plot with them already.
“I-I’m up to it.” Goomy tried puffing himself up to look bigger. He only succeeded in looking like a balloon, which made Tricky snicker before she could stop herself.
They left not too long after that. The mission was to comb a dungeon not too far north of the village for some fruits that the receiver was willing to pay poke and a bag of something called “blast seeds” for. Espurr wasn’t too sure what “blast seeds” were, but the name seemed pretty explanatory.
Since the mission was only one star, that left the dungeon almost empty. The reward wasn’t nearly as much poke as they were used to, but they had traded the larger sum for a more safe dungeon-crawling trip. The only time any of them had been attacked was when a couple of wild crows had dive-bombed them. A swift psychic barrier from Espurr had stopped them all flat in their tracks, sending then all flying away with much squawking and several haphazard flaps.
The crows left them alone after that.
That seems like a really bad idea given that I would not trust any of the MDs around Serenity Village to not have a risk of going abruptly pear shaped after what happened during the MD that was part of the school exam.
<><><>
Pancham met them halfway on their trek back to Serenity Village. They had only spent a few hours in the dungeon, and yet it was sundown already.
“You have gotta let me shoot one of these things in my slingshot sometime.” Pancham admired the bag of blast seeds as they approached Serenity Village.
“B-but you could destroy a tree with one of those,” said Goomy.
“Exactly,” Pancham stressed.
Not that this isn't a hilarious segment, but I'd recommend the same deal of either dropping in a transitional paragraph or a hard scene break here. Since it has the same issues as the bit cutting to the Kecleon shop.
Espurr: "We're just gonna keep you far,
far away from these here." >_>;
Espurr had gotten a pretty good idea of what blast seeds were once she’d heard the name. She eyed Pancham concernedly the entire way home.
“If you wanna use our stuff, you’ve gotta be on our team,” Tricky said. “And you’re not joining.”
“Aww, why not?” Pancham complained.
Tricky didn’t answer that; she just trotted ahead of him wordlessly and left him behind. Espurr silently kept the bag of blast seeds safe in her paws before Pancham could think about stealing one.
Espurr: "Pancham, didn't you bait Tricky into a rope trap and leave her hanging there for an entire evening?" >_>;
Pancham: "Yeah, but that was like a week ago! That should be old news by now!"
“I moved the dresser out of your room, by the way,” Audino said as they ate. It was dark outside, and the untarped uncovered luminous orbs cast the room around them in tones of blue.
“What happened to it?” Espurr asked.
“I sold it to Lotad,” Audino replied. “He likes to pawn things like that off in Lively Town. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a replacement at the market. That was where I used to keep all my herbs and supplies.”
“There’s still the bookshelf,” Espurr answered. “You could keep them on that.”
“Yes,” Audino replied. “That’s true.”
~\({O})/~
Slowly coming to.
Espurr blinked her eyes open wearily to the sound of the bookshelf in her room violently rattling.
Then she wasn’t weary anymore.
Hm. I feel that something about this scene feels like it's missing something, but I can't really place my finger on what. Just feels like it's lacking that "it" factor that makes it feel like it leads into the next scene. The fix could be something as simple as having Audino mention that she will move the bookshelf into Espurr's room given how the next scene kicks off. Since that actually wasn't established that she did that.
Espurr immediately stood up in her bed, bracing herself for a possible attack. Whatever had come a few nights ago… It must have returned. She spared a quick look over towards Audino’s room. The sound wasn’t loud enough to wake her. Espurr considered doing it herself. But then the bookshelf stopped rattling.
Espurr snapped her attention back towards the bookshelf. And then she saw it: The fuzzy, faint outline of a pokemon that walked out from behind the shelf. It was the first time that Espurr had gotten a good look at it. It was barely any taller than she was, and stood upright on two paws just like she did. But it looked nothing like her.
It suddenly took a single step in her direction. Espurr took a careful step backwards in kind. Another step forward from the entity, another step back from her, until she was backed up against the wall under the windowsill. She was out of ground, but now the creature walked forward quickly, until it stood right in front of her. And then it stopped. It tilted its head, like it was just as confused as Espurr was. Espurr didn’t dare move as the creature studied her, in case she upset it somehow and made it angry.
Espurr: "... Why on earth am I not calling for help right now?"
Then it suddenly lurched through Espurr, stumbling halfway through the wall and tripping over the lower part of it. It passed right through the rest. Espurr spun around, backing off a little as the creature righted itself. It looked at Espurr—or maybe through her. Then it took off immediately afterward, and Espurr barely had any time to turn around before she was hit with a gust of wind from nowhere and that same funny feeling of something passing through her. And she was alone in the room once more.
<><><>
Audino awoke to the noise of what sounded like somemon dragging a bale of hay across the floor. She glanced at the window: It was the middle of the night. Sleepily sitting up in bed, Audino looked at the doorway, where Espurr was busy dragging her bed in through the door.
Espurr quickly stopped when she realized Audino was looking at her.
“I’d prefer to sleep in here tonight,” said Espurr, trying to keep the jitter out of her voice. “If that’s alright with you.”
This sleep addled, Audino was only able to produce a barely-coherent nod before returning to sleep once again.
The bit marked there in my opinion is missing a transition to where Espurr is yeeting her bed into Audino's room after noping out of hers. In this case, you definitely want a transition showing off something like Espurr's thought process and the process of her dragging her bed over since... yeah, the remainder is kinda short as a standalone scene.
“Do you want to come to our sleepover?”
Espurr stood outside the doorframe of Deerling’s house, the exploration bag strapped firmly to our shoulder. Deerling, on the other side of the doorframe, traced circles in the ground with her hoof uneasily. It was late afternoon, the sun already beginning to cast slightly orange shades over this stretch of the village path.
“Is Tricky coming?” Deerling asked after a minute.
“I invited everymon,” Espurr said matter-of-factly. “I thought we’d give the treehouse another shot.”
“…Did everymon else say yes?” Deerling asked.
Espurr: "Look, don't you have the terms of a duel to abide by, Deerling? I'm pretty sure that friends aren't supposed to skip out on sleepover invites." >_>;
Deerling: "And what if I'm busy, huh?"
Espurr nodded. “You’re the last. We’re going to bring snacks and tell scary stories until it gets too dark.”
“Where’s this happening?” Deerling’s mother called from inside the house. Espurr froze. They had been talking in hushed voices.
“…It’s happening at my house!” Espurr yelled back after a brief pause. Deerling gave her a ‘stop!’ look.
“Alright then!” Deerling’s mother yelled back. “Deerling, you should go!”
“But what if I—“
“Don’t be rude to your friend! When was the last time you were invited to a sleepover?”
Deerling:
Deerling's Mom: "Dear, be
polite. And I'm sure it'll be fun!"
Deerling sighed in defeat. “Fine…” she muttered. “When’s it happening?”
Espurr glanced up at the sky. It was nearly sundown. She had spent the entire day just getting everymon to agree with it.
“In a couple of hours.”
Deerling shifted in place. “I’ll come. Just don’t expect me to stay the whole night or anything.”
Probably a good thing her mother couldn't hear that, otherwise she'd probably have gotten an earful there.
[*]
[9:48 PM
]
“Hey. Tricky.” A hushed voice that was obviously Pancham’s flitted through the darkened treehouse. “Light this for me.” “
But…” Tricky could barely see the unlit torch in the dark. “Won’t the treehouse catch fire if I do that?”
“Eh, I’ll be careful. Now light it.”
Yeah, I think having a healthy degree of skepticism over
anything Pancham has to say is warranted given the antics he's been up to in this story.
Tricky reluctantly blew heat-charged breath over the stick, and soon it began to glow with the very first embers of a fire. Pancham whipped back the fur-woven cover he had been crouching under, making the torch suddenly flare up as a result. Everymon jumped back.
“Don’t do that Pancham!” Deerling gasped.
"No fun."
Pancham brandished the torch and was quickly all business again.
I can already tell that this night together is gonna
go places if
this is how it's starting.
“The Ancient Barrow,” he began. “It’s been standing since before half the village was born. Farfetch’d won’t talk about it. Watchog won’t even go near it. Some say it was built by the Humans eons ago. Others say the founders of Serenity Village built it. But I know the truth. The truth about the Ancient Barrow.”
Espurr perked to attention at the sound of the words ‘Ancient Barrow’. Pancham was probably full of it, but she remembered what the Barrow had been like. The cold, fur bristling atmosphere that surrounded it. If there was even a grain of truth to what Pancham was saying, she’d gladly take it.
“They say the Ancient Barrow’s not just a house,” Pancham continued. “It’s built on a rift between dimensions. It’s a gate to the Otherworld. The Otherworld is just like ours, but dark and scary. The mountains are on fire, and the sky is red. The trees are bare, and everything’s ruined. There’s no-mon around. No-mon except…”
I wasn't expecting the place to be
a portal to the Voidlands, but...
Espurr: "Would this be a terrible time to remind everyone that we're in a
Pokémon story, and that the batting average for myths and folklore having at least a kernel of truth in it is really,
really good?"
Tricky: "Yes. Yes, it would." ._.
He leaned over the torch, letting it light his face dramatically.
“The Crooked ‘Mon.
“The Crooked ‘Mon roam the Otherworld. They’re shapeless, and they shapeshift. They can be anything. You won’t even know until it’s too late, and they have you in their grasp. And they say… that sometimes, at night, the Crooked ‘Mon escape the Otherworld and descend upon Serenity Village to punish naughty children. So if you ever see something out of the corner of your eye, or think that shadow is more than just a shadow… maybe you’re right."
Everymon glanced around uncomfortably at the end, trying not to look scared.
“For the record.” Deerling said. “I’m pretty sure that’s just a ghost story with some embellishments.”
No, I'm
pretty sure that Pancham
just described
Void Shadows there.
“Yeah,” Tricky said. “That bit about the Barrow is new, but everymon tells the Crooked ‘mon story!”
Pancham would have folded his arms if he wasn’t holding the torch. “I got it from one of those library books. You’re all no fun.”
Everymon stayed silent for a bit longer. Pancham looked sheepishly at all the eyes looking straight at him.
“…Yeah. I’m done. Next ‘mon.” He held out the torch awkwardly.
Pancham: "Seriously, am I not allowed to use a tried and true story?" >_>;
Deerling: "Pancham, the point of these is to come up with stories
without having read them from books!" >.<;
Tricky volunteered to go next. She took the torch in her mouth, but then realized that she couldn’t hold it and talk clearly at the same time. Espurr helpfully held it for her.
“Long, long ago,” Tricky began, keeping her voice low to increase the dramatic effect, “there were two pokemon who went into a mystery dungeon.”
In the light of the dim torch, the glimmer of three-or-so other pokemon rolling their eyes could be seen.
So I take it she's told this story a lot of times in the past? :V
“They were stuck all alone in the forest, and wanted to get back to town before it got stormy,” Tricky continued. “Piplup wanted to take the long way around, but Arbok knew that it would take too long, and they would get caught in the storm. So they took a shortcut through a mystery dungeon. Arbok said the other side would lead them to the town, so Piplup followed him in.”
Tricky was better at telling a story than Pancham was, and the others were beginning to realize it. No-mon interrupted her as she continued.
“But they didn’t make it out. The dungeon had more floors than Arbok thought it did, and they wandered around for days. The dungeon fog began to close in around them, and soon they had to eat grass off the ground so they wouldn’t starve. And then came the Dungeon Wraith."
[ ]
“The Dungeon Wraith was evil. It chased Piplup and Arbok through the dungeon, until they hid behind a rock and it lost track of them. But it came back. It always came back. And soon, Abrok and Piplup reached the dungeon exit. But then the Dungeon Wraith caught up with them! Arbok told Piplup to run, but he was no match for the Dungeon Wraith. It…”
Tricky suddenly pounced forward, and Espurr barely moved the torch out of the way in time “—ate them all up!”
Several of the other occupants in the treehouse jumped back, startled. Then they gave Tricky annoyed looks. Tricky sat back in place.
Wow, she really
is better at telling a story than Pancham there from
that reaction. Though IMO you should drop in some description or reaction in the bit in brackets there to break up the two blocks of dialogue that Tricky has while storytelling. Since it also allows you to sell the sense that she's catching the attention of her audience better than the text communicates at the moment.
And then everymon looked at Espurr, who held the torch. She looked down at it, and then realized that it was her turn to tell a story. Only… she didn’t have one.
But everymon was looking at her. She had to improvise somehow.
“Once upon a time,” Espurr began. “There was a pokemon that woke up in the middle of the forest. She didn’t remember anything about who she was, or where she was from. All she knew was that she wasn’t supposed to be there. She ran into three pokemon in the woods, who didn’t talk to her, didn’t communicate, and weren’t friendly. They chased her through the forests, until she could barely keep her eyes open anymore."
[ ]
“Eventually, the pokemon found a safe place to stay. A place where the Evil Pokemon wouldn’t follow. A place they wouldn’t find. But she still wasn’t safe, because she knew that they were still out there, looking for her. She knew that she couldn’t stay there forever, but she had nowhere else to go. And so she stayed, pretended that it didn’t exist, and that she could be normal," she continued. "Until one day, the Evil Pokemon found her. They burned the safe place to the ground, and everymon who lived there—including the pokemon—died. The end.”
The entire room was left silent in the wake of Espurr’s story, their faces all either shocked or spooked.
“Interesting,” Deerling said, breaking the silence. “I’ve never heard that one before.”
Same deal here with Espurr's story. Though I wonder how long that's going to remain a story before it winds up becoming prophetic.
“I just made it up,” said Espurr. “Who wants to go next?” she held out the torch a little too eagerly, which had begun to fizzle out at that point. Goomy raised his slimy paw, and Espurr crawled over and handed the torch to him.
Goomy opened his mouth to begin—
—But then the torch blew out all on its own, and everymon was cast into darkness. Espurr felt the air shift dramatically, becoming colder. It felt like… she hadn’t felt that since…
Swish.
Everymon heard that. Their eyes had adjusted to the moonlight now, and they all looked at each other worriedly. Pancham silently shushed everymon with a paw.
Slowly, silently, Espurr crept towards the treehouse window. She had to know. She just had to. She wasn’t going to sit still if there was a chance of...
Slowly, Espurr glanced out the window, down into the foliage below. She saw it. The very thing that she had been dreading: A trio of cone-shaped heads, staring directly up at the treehouse. Espurr scrambled away from the window and backed up against the treehouse wall as quickly as she could. Everymon stared at her in confusion, and then she realized she had forgotten to do it quietly.
Well
this scene is about to go places.
But there was nothing to do but wait. Wait, and hope that they moved on. Hope against hope that they didn’t see her, that they didn’t know anymon was here. Espurr shushed the others, then quietly clutched the straps of the exploration bag. If worst came to worst… then they could battle. Right?
Something violently shook the treehouse. Everymon let out various yelps and screams of fear. Espurr was almost knocked to her side.
The treehouse shook again, and everymon was knocked off their paws and hooves. They all tried to stand, but the treehouse was left at a lopsided angle. Slightly tilted downward, Espurr could see the beheeyem staring straight up at her through the window. They were trying to knock the treehouse out of the tree!
Hope you remembered to bring those Blast Seeds, Espurr, since... yeah, you're about to have
problems right about now.
“Pancham!” Espurr didn’t see the need for subtlety anymore. “Did you bring your slingshot?”
Pancham quickly dug it out from behind his ear. “Yeah.”
The treehouse shook again, shifting in the branches. The floor was just a little steeper than last time. Espurr dug in the exploration bag for the sack of blast seeds. She knew she brought them. They had to be in here. They just had to—
—She finally fished them out of the bag, and thrust them to Pancham. “It’s your lucky night!”
Pancham caught the sack. He eagerly opened it, pulled out a couple of blast seeds, and stuck one in his slingshot. He pulled it back, and then aimed directly at the beheeyem.
“Gotcha.”
Yup. I called it. Though good thing she didn't leave those at home with Audino.
Pancham let the sling shot release. The seed whizzed through the air, and then hit the ground right at the beheeyem’s feet—
Boom. There was a large, fire-less explosion that sent the beheeyem retreating back into the woods.
All six of the children watched them go uneasily.
“What was that about?” Tricky asked.
“They’ll be back,” breathed Espurr. “We need to get back to the village. Now.”
Tricky: "H-Hey, Espurr... about that story you told us..."
Espurr: "Look, it hasn't happened yet, alright?!" >_<;
Tricky: "I-It hasn't happened
yet?!" O.O;
“Go!” Tricky yelled.
Everymon in the treehouse hurried down the ramp that was thankfully still intact. Deerling helped Goomy along, and Espurr kept track of the woods all around them. She had given the blast seeds to Pancham, who had his slingshot. Tricky lead them all down the ramp, checking ahead just in case they came back.
Espurr happened to look behind them. She saw the lights approaching from the woods. Red, green, yellow…
“They’re coming!” she called to Pancham, spinning around and charging up a mental blast of her own. She was done dealing with these ‘mon—
This sounds like a recipe to get someone stoned quickly. Not that Espurr knows about that right here and now.
The Beheeyem’s mental blast hit all six of them first, sending them all careening off the ramp and onto the ground. Then they approached, while everymon Espurr knew was still picking themselves up. They weren’t going to get away in time! Unless—
—The Beheeyem attacked. Espurr used the mental energy she’d been charging to pull the same barrier trick she had pulled earlier. The attacks were weakened, but Espurr’s barrier broke apart. None of them hit. Espurr saw some scorch marks, the indents of flesh healing faster than it should be—the Beheeyem had been weakened by the blast seed’s explosion. But not by much. She could see steam curling up off their bodies, slowly erasing the burns. Were they healing themselves?
Espurr: "I-I call hax!" O.O;
Everymon had gotten up by now. Pancham launched another blast seed over everymon’s heads. It flew, then halted to a stop in midair. Espurr took a few steps backwards in horror, realizing what was about to happen. The seed spun in midair, then flew back towards Espurr and the rest of the children. Tricky bounded forwards and shot an ember that collided with the blast seed in midair—
—The seed exploded right above their heads.
“Run!” Tricky screamed back to everymon else. Everymon ran.
They ran. They ran, through the woods, not daring to look back. They ran until they reached the big tree on the hill and they could see the twinkling lights of Serenity Village in the very near distance. It was only two minutes’ gallop away. And only then did they stop to catch their breath.
Huh, that actually turned out a lot better for the kids than I was expecting.
“What…” Deerling panted. “What are those things?” she looked at Espurr. “Do you know something about this?”
Espurr ignored the question. She looked back towards the woods. “Don’t let your guard down. They’re still coming.”
Deerling: "Espurr, that isn't answering the question!" >.<
Espurr: "Holy Mystery Dungeon, get your priorities straight, Deerling and worry about the 'mons trying to attack us here!" >_>;
Sure enough, they could see the beginnings of blinking lights emerging from the far-off foot of the woods. Red, green, yellow…
“Keep going!” Pancham yelled out. “We can lose them if they don’t see us here!”
That was true. Espurr began to run for the other side of the tree, and then so did everymon else. If they were quick and lucky enough, they could make it back to the village without being spotted.
I'm starting to think I should get in my bets on the death pool already. I mean, Goomy would be an obvious bet if it wasn't him being so endearing, which might give him plot armor... so... I dunno how this is gonna shake out, actually.
Maybe I should bet against Shelmet since he kinda has said bupkis though this entire scene.
All six of the children rushed into the Serenity Village square, which was currently deserted. It seemed they had missed the last of the houses turning their lights dark. For a moment, they all sat in the square, catching their breaths. Then Goomy voiced what they were all thinking:
“I-I don’t f-feel safe sleeping on my own tonight,” he said. All of the other children looked at each other, and it was clear that they agreed.
Audino’s house was as quiet as the rest of the town. Audino was already fast asleep in her bed, and Espurr’s room was more than large enough to fit six pokemon… Espurr didn’t think anymon would mind. She led the five of them into her bedroom, carefully drawing the curtains shut so no-mon could see in through the windows. It felt a little safer that way.
Eventually they fell asleep together in a pile on the floor, all keeping an eye on the draped window until they drifted off to sleep… just in case.
>imagine thinking that will keep you safe
Boy are they fortunate that the Beheeyem (seemingly) didn't stalk them.
“This is the place?”
Buizel followed Quilava onto the rocks of the bay, still wet from the receding tide. Quilava had a bit of a hard time keeping his balance amongst the rocks, but Buizel was right at home. Quilava hopped onto a particularly large rock, then took a moment to catch his bearings right in the center.
“Ah was fishin’ here when tha’ thing—“
“—Great. Thanks. Let me do my job.” Buizel quickly cut in, agilely leaping onto the boulder and staring down into the bay. It looked calm, no rip currents, fairly stable tides… And Quilava’s necklace was solid gold. That was good.
“Alright,” he said, turning back to Quilava. “So, good news, bad news. Bad news, it’s been a while, so somemon might have fished it out of the bay and claimed it already. And that’s assuming it didn’t get caught up in a rip current and shunted out to sea. If that’s what happened we’ll never find it. Good news: Your necklace is heavier than air, so that probably didn’t happen. Nine times out of ten, it sunk to the bottom of the bay and got caught on a rock or something. Five-minute job, you’ll have your necklace back in no time. Kapeesh?”
Quilava: "But how d'ya know someone didn't jus' waltz up an' take i-?"
Buizel: "Look, it's a secluded beach in the middle of nowhere alright? I'm feeling pretty good about my odds here." >_>;
Buizel began to run. He deftly leapt from rock to rock once he sped past the end of the sands, heading for the expanse of water in front of him. Just before he reached the end of the bay Buizel jumped up high into the air, did a backflip, and dove into the water headfirst.
The bay wasn’t deep here. Only about ten-or-so feet to the bottom. Buizel let himself sink to the seabed as quickly as possible. That was where the necklace would have ended up. Buizel opened his eyes once he felt the embrace of pointy rocks and seashells brush up against his behind, finding a sandy spot on the seabed and pushing himself back into the water. His tails began to softly spin like propellers, keeping him steady. Buizel cast a look at the seabed around him. Even at this depth, something as flashy as a golden necklace with a firestone would have stuck out. So that meant it wasn’t here. The waves probably pulled it out deeper.
So much for being a five-minute job. :V
Buizel swam out a little further into the ocean, doing a routine combing of the bay. He could be done with that in about ten minutes, but the only way it would take that long was if the necklace wasn’t here at all. Which Buizel doubted. He would find it before long.
He swam through the seabed, looking over the countless things that had been discarded by countless pokemon over the years—old scarves, pieces of poké, an entire exploration bag—but there was no sign of the necklace. Buizel didn’t see the object he was about to hit until he almost hit it. He barely made a sharp turn upwards in time, swimming up to the surface and taking a quick breath before he flipped back into the water again. What was that?
Buizel quickly made a round turn back towards the massive object. This must have been what nearly hit Quilava. That meant the necklace was probably around here somewhere. He let himself hover in the water in front of the object. It was large, larger than anything from the sky had a right to be, and solid rock all the way through. Buizel swam around it, taking it in from all sides. More and more, it was looking like…
…Lugia. Buizel’s eyes fixated on the long neck and traced it all the way up to the head, whose beak was drawn out in what seemed to be a scream of horror, if Buizel didn’t know better. And this had fallen from the sky. Somemon had dropped a statue of the sea myth from the sky. Who? Why? And more importantly, who was this twisted?
That wasn’t the real Lugia. That was ridiculous. Buizel’s eyes drifted towards the seabed below him, where there it glittered—the necklace of gold, with a fire-red gem encrusted within the center. Buizel shot down like a waterborne bullet and snatched the thing up from the sea floor. It was time to return to the surface.
Narrator: "It was indeed the real Lugia."
Quilava was busy sitting at the edge of the sands on the beach and minding his own business when Buizel shot up out of the water, landing on the edges of the beach effortlessly. Buizel took a second to shake himself off, before walking forward with the necklace in his hands.
“There you go.” He held out the necklace to Quilava. “Five-minute job.” Quilava’s eyes lit up. He tried to grab the necklace, but Buizel held it away from him briefly.
“I'm gonna be paid, yeah?” he asked. A few pokemon had tried to commission his services and dock the pay in the past. Buizel didn’t fall for that anymore.
Quilava quickly shook his head yes. “Ah have tha pay in my house,” he quickly began. “Ah can take you there—“
Um... Buizel, considering how you got contracted by a guy who was worried about paying for lunch with an amount of money you found completely insignificant, do you
really expect this guy to have 20Gs on hand?
Which probably doesn't bode well at all for how this scene is going to go shortly.
‘Yeah, let’s do that.” Buizel began to march back up towards the cliff without even waiting for Quilava to lead the way first. He didn’t want to admit it, but truth be told… he was a more than a bit shaken. It just didn’t make sense. It just didn’t. Who would go to the trouble of making such an intricate statue just for the purposes of some kind of twisted prank? And why drop it all the way out of the sky?
Memories of Mawile’s briefing that he’d barely paid attention to crept through his head—this wasn’t connected to that, right? That was all the way over on the Air Continent.
Even though he knew it was probably just the work of some rich busymon with nothing better to do and weird interests, Buizel felt a little jittery just thinking about it. Maybe he ought to call it in. Yeah, he’d do that. He’d leave a message with the nearest HAPPI officials, and then he’d be on his merry way, thank you kindly sir, no weird prank statues here. Let the government cronies on Cloud Nine deal with that headache.
That lingering thought was enough to placate Buizel for roughly the rest of the evening.
That implies that something happened to make it not work
after that evening. Even if things turned out better than I expected with that Quilava. For now.
From Wartortle’s Guide to Dungeoneering: Capim Town
Deep on the Grass Continent coast rests Capim Town, one of the more rural settlements on Grass. Capim Town is known for its competitive hunting and steady production of animal meat, offered for distribution all across the Grass Continent. Much of the continent’s meat comes from Capim, affording it wealth almost comparable to Treasure Town. Although Capim Town has gained prominence in recent years, the villagers’ preference for a much more naturalistic and balanced lifestyle leaves the town small, rural, and staunchly opposed to the Kecleon Foundation’s historic pushes to erect a meat processing plant in the area.
Wait, so just how much of a dive is Treasure Town in this story anyways? Since Capim didn't exactly come off as super wealthy between the lines. Or is that
aggregate wealth that that entry is talking about there?
Alright, overall thoughts:
I liked being able to see both Espurr and the Exploration Society's plotlines advance, and there's certainly some vibes going on from Grass now that we've gotten our first good look at it. Even if I kinda was expecting Buizel to get jumped and robbed the entire way through since that
entire mission setup just seemed extremely sus considering it's in a poor region with very strong reasons to not be too friendly to him. Espurr's plotline took a while to get rolling, but it definitely kept me in suspense at the end. And considering what happened in canon PSMD, it has me wondering just how much longer things can hold out before her ghost story stops being a story and becomes prophecy.
My bones to pick are basically the same as the ones from last chapter. Though with the additional quibble that I felt that Buizel's segments could've been a bit more interleaved with Espurr's. It just feels like a plotline that would've been best served getting little reminders throughout as to how it was going instead of basically bookending the beginning and very end.
All in all, good work
@SparklingEspeon . I'll be looking forward to picking up another chapter to plow through sometime later this week, since there's a strong feeling of things being about to go seriously sideways, and I can already tell that when the other shoe drops, it's going to be spectacular.
