The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[Fusion]

"It is very important I know if they're dead or not, mostly dead doesn't count as dead," Lee growled. "If I'm going to start acting like a mess and learning things about myself, I would like for it to at least have been for a reason. Like dead children. And the others I guess."

 

[Tanuki]

"Wait a fucking second. You also told us that you have an eye on the souls of those of us who got supposedly-not-killed. So, if we don't have fucking souls, then that's a fucking lie. Are they mostly dead or entirely dead because that's a big fucking difference right there."

Elbert really loved awkward silences, it seemed. "Well, so, um." He cleared his throat. "So, we can detect their Soul Signatures, just not their location. As of now, strictly speaking at least... for the moment, where you are and, well, you people don't... exist."

 

[Fusion]

"--for the moment, where you are and, well, you people don't... exist."

"You mean where we are right now or this entire mountain in general?" Lee asked, grumbling still.

 

[Tanuki]

"You mean where we are right now or this entire mountain in general?" Lee asked, grumbling still.

"...Yes."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse sustained a growl. "Well, I ain't never took interdimensional fuckin' theory, but it sure sounds like yer problem t'fix, pal."

 

[Shiny Phantump]

"Wow! Brilliant! Thank you for reminding of the possibility that I don't actually exist. Thanks. Why didn't I think of that myself?"

She melodramatically sighed. "Oh right. I think... therefore I am. Despite the fact that all known laws of science and logic are collapsing around me, my own nonexistence is the one possibly I cannot under any circumstances take seriously. I'll file that one away beside 'nobody can be murdered because it's illegal.'"

 

[IFBench]

Gen's expression paled.

He didn't exist here.

He didn't even have a soul here.

What would that mean for him? Would he ever go home again? Was he stuck here forever?

He hugged Abigail tightly, shaking.

 

[Fusion]

Lee really couldn't get why the existential part of all this was what go under their skins the most. He thought it'd be the killing-but-not-killing or the busted annoying dumb piece of shit PS3 that Lee still vowed to utterly destroy. Still... he sort of felt for Jesse and Abigail. Anger was contagious, after all.

"I'm probably still going to hunt this committee down when this ends so I can put them through the same, annoying, mind-numbing, bullshit experience they did us. Even if that means sparing that blasted console for such an event," Lee growled, cracking his knuckles. "God I hate that brick..."

 

[Tanuki]

nobody can be murdered because it's illegal.

"Who told you tha—oh!" Elbert burst out laughing. It took him nearly three minutes to stop, all the while Zeke stared at the group in abject confusion as they all apparently enjoyed a shared hallucination. "Okay, so," even when he started talking, he was chuckling. "That's the worst explanation possible of what they were trying to say. To make sure this was safe, we ran virtually infinite simulations with every possible variable of this project. The program removed all variables that would result in 'illegal' results."

Getting used to the insane people in his operating room, Zeke decided to clean up. "The only way any of this could have happened is if there was a variable unaccounted for. We're trying to find that variable." Zeke took the empty box of soup and placed in his present from Santa. "We know it was meddling from someone or something since you all apparently have powers instead of the Committee supplied presents."

 

[Fusion]

"It really was that damn machine's fault..." Lee growled lowly, tightly gripping his arms. Fuck modernity. He just wanted to return to bashing shit with rocks.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Jesse sustained a growl. "Well, I ain't never took interdimensional fuckin' theory, but it sure sounds like yer problem t'fix, pal."

Palkia raised a claw. "I have! And this breaks every single one of the rules! Giratina would throw a fit." It sounded very pleased with this.

 

[Tanuki]

"Machine?" Zeke asked, trying desperately to keep up.

"No, it can't be the Play Station," Elbert explained. "We kept it as a constant in all simulations and it never caused any deaths."

 

[Shiny Phantump]

He hugged Abigail tightly, shaking.

Abigail hugged Gen back. A moment later, she began to run her hand-ish thing through Gen's head fur, which was about as close as she could get to her dad stroking her hair when she needed comfort. "Of all the people here, Gen, you are sure to be safe. Take a deep breath. You'll be fine." I'm the one who's going to bite it.

 

[Tanuki]

"Oh right. I think... therefore I am. Despite the fact that all known laws of science and logic are collapsing around me, my own nonexistence is the one possibly I cannot under any circumstances take seriously.

"All right, sorry, I'll need to explain a bit better," Elbert said, only the smallest hint of his laughter remaining. "Are any of you familiar with string theory? Well, doesn't matter. Basically, everything is strings. Atoms? Strings. People? Strings. Universes? You guessed it." He started to sound bored, like he was reciting a basic algebraic equation. "So, the thing about space and time is they both start with the beginning of the universe. Time restarts every time, of course, just like space. This causes every universe to run in sync next to each other forming a "rope" we call the multiverse. To make this all safe and eliminate any unforeseen variables, we took the mountain off the rope for a bit."

 

[Chibi Pika]

"Anyway, as much fun as it is standing around debating soul theory, we really do need to get that ski lift moving," Palkia said, drifting to the front of the crowd and waving at the Zangoose. "Be a dear and switch it on, won't you?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse sank lower. Why did it feel as if time passed so differently for him than the rest? He always needed to sleep...

"Okay. Here goes. Elbert, there was not only a PlayStation, but a Wii U here. That a peculiarity at all? And... hnngh. My secret number is G46. And ah... I abstain from votin'. Can't see the sense in votin' based on fuck-all. And, ha! My power is more fuckin' irrelevant than ever..."

He passed into unconsciousness, mumbling something incomprehensible.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

"All right, sorry, I'll need to explain a bit better," Elbert said, only the smallest hint of his laughter remaining. "Are any of you familiar with string theory? Well, doesn't matter. Basically, everything is strings. Atoms? Strings. People? Strings. Universes? You guessed it." He started to sound bored, like he was reciting a basic algebraic equation. "So, the thing about space and time is they both start with the beginning of the universe. Time restarts every time, of course, just like space. This causes every universe to run in sync next to each other forming a "rope" we call the multiverse. To make this all safe and eliminate any unforeseen variables, we took the mountain off the rope for a bit."

Abigail had a passing familiarity with string theory and Elbert's explanation did not match what she knew at all. What she could gather, though, was that they had been cut out of the multiverse. They were all fucking dead, and she'd say as much if Gen wouldn't have a panic attack if she admitted it.

 

[Tanuki]

"Anyway, as much fun as it is standing around debating soul theory, we really do need to get that ski lift moving," Palkia said, drifting to the front of the crowd and waving at the Zangoose. "Be a dear and switch it on, won't you?"

"Pallister, my man," Zeke said, hopping out of his chair. "How goes it? Did you get Dialysis on board with the theory, or did you end up takin' a deal from Girard?" He said the last bit with a smirk, like it was some kind of in-joke between them, and balled his right paw into a fist before putting it behind himself. The boy must have been extremely familiar with his palkia, and this seemed to be some kind of secret handshake. Only Palkia could fist bump him behind his back from the front, after all.

 

[Tanuki]

Jesse sank lower. Why did it feel as if time passed so differently for him than the rest? He always needed to sleep...

"Okay. Here goes. Elbert, there was not only a PlayStation, but a Wii U here. That a peculiarity at all? And... hnngh. My secret number is G46. And ah... I abstain from votin'. Can't see the sense in votin' based on fuck-all. And, ha! My power is more fuckin' irrelevant than ever..."

He passed into unconsciousness, mumbling something incomprehensible.

"No, no, the WiiU was the only black present that remained constant," Elbert mumbled. "You found the Wii as well, we added that because it reduced the likelihood of deadly conflict by roughly six-hudredths of a percent. Obviously somebody changed out your presents and gave you new ones in the night," Elbert had started rambling at this point.

"Somebody with experience with presents as well as time manipulation since sensors show the nighttime presents apparated without themselves showing up on the sensors. We've checked all possible dialga and palkia, but they're all clean as can be." While the sound of notes scribbled along, a stray gust of wind blew over Zeke's present marked as from Santa. "We're out of suspects at this point, and none of our other child agents have noted these abnormalities."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

experience with presents as well as time manipulation

"So it's fuckin' Santa or an associate thereof, is what I'm guessin'," mumbled Jesse. "Some suicide or faked-death shit maybe. Y'ever autopsy the fuckin' body, pal?"