The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[Persephone]

Fascinating. A chance to observe the others. But after careful analysis of Object_BingoCard, Nocitlālin concluded that it was not, in fact, an Object_BingoCard.

It picked up the present and began to search the ceiling of the room, a place where most Terran life would not look. It made sure to stay within audio range of the Frequency_WiiDateChannel.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Who are you all, anyways?"

Jesse paused his patrol of the super-location to offer the oshawott a firm handshake.

"Ranger Delphox Jesse Stranger at yer service, fella," he said, his voice somewhere between 'grim' and 'irreverant'. "Former human, saved my world a couple times, really just wanna get home. You shapin' up okay?"

“Would you like to get to know each other?”

"I fuckin' guess we could stand to build some trust between us," said Jesse, his mouth slanted. "Or at least figure each other out. Datin' seems an odd choice fer it, but fuck it. Whatever works."

 

[Tanuki]

"I fuckin' guess we could stand to build some trust between us," said Jesse, his mouth slanted. "Or at least figure each other out. Datin' seems an odd choice fer it, but fuck it. Whatever works."

With that, a click started the channel, and uncanny recreations of everyone appeared on screen all looking bored waiting. After taking a moment to process, it brought Jesse to the front.

The lights dimmed and hearts surrounded the background of the 3d-modeled Jesse. “Who would like to date this lucky bachelor first?” appeared in comic sans next to the model. “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

 

[IFBench]

"You too?!" Gen asked, looking shocked at the former human bit. "Well, minus saving the wor-"

He cut off, as he looked at the screen, and the models of everyone.

How did they get models of all of us?!

He didn't speak up. Romance wasn't his thing.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I'm not a fuckin' bachelor," barked Jesse. "I been married damn near twenty fuckin' years, fer all the good it's done me. Ah, damn it, whatever."

He straightened up, adjusted his hat and his jacket, and brushed off his arm and cheek fur.

"I know I ain't much t'look at, and I am married, but I'll do my best to be gentlemanly at least. No hard feelings if nobody takes the machine up on this... whatever this is, but I'll spend time with a fella as soon as a lady if that matters t'you folks."

 

[Dragonfree]

Mia narrowed her eyes. This didn't sound like Dave's game. Things going on that weren't done by the players. Or was it? What were these machines about? Was someone controlling them, or were they a game mechanic? They should probably find out more. It also sounded like a way to find out more about the other players.

"I can do it," she said. "It won't be a real date. But the machine probably doesn't know that."

 

[Tanuki]

"It won't be a real date. But the machine probably doesn't know that."

“Ohoho,” Trebeck interjected. “I think a married man wants a bit more commitment than that! Are you sure?” The screen zoomed in on Mia’s model’s contemplative face.

 

[Fusion]

Lee's black card dissipated into the tides of time, which was a bit disappointing. He already grew found of it, after so little time. Even if it was literally just a black square.

"Who are you all, anyways?" the Oshawott asked.

"Lee," he nodded. "Nothing special, really, just a powerful creature. That's it."

“Who would like to date this lucky bachelor first?” appeared in comic sans next to the model. “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

"I can do it," she said. "It won't be a real date. But the machine probably doesn't know that."

A sickening feeling rolled around in Lee's stomach, causing him to lightly gag and clutch his gut. It wasn't anything too severe, and frankly he was overreacting for the hell of it. "Frankly, I'd rather go back to solving the murder." He sat himself on the couch anyway, but not before grabbing a plate of tacos. Man was hungry, looking for a secret agent turtle takes work, even if he gave up halfway through.

 

[Namohysip]

Darkwhite was busy trying to size Jesse up, making odd comparisons about his fur thickness and limbs and eye shape. "Hmmm, if you're going to try to date that Scyther, that means you're probably going to have to figure out how to dice food for cooking better, and that's just not going to cut it." She pointed at Jesse's not-bladed hands. She sighed. "I guess I'll have to carve your bones into scythes myself. Hold still!"

 

[Tanuki]

“We have a taker?” the voice gawked. “Well then, on with the show!” Darkwhite and Jesse appeared on the screen, facing each other nervously, before a storm of hearts transitioned to the next screen. It was a game selection, offering, “Truth or Dare, Never have I ever, Datenight Trivia,” and, “Kisstery on Love Ave.”

 

[Chibi Pika]

Palkia was floating upside-down close to the ceiling, watching the other party guests boot up the dating game. The spatial dragon had shrunk considerably from its first arrival--still larger than the others, but no longer towering over them. One interesting side effect of being in this space was that Palkia no longer had total awareness of everything in the space surrounding it. As such it could only focus on one thing at a time--how limiting--and found its attention grabbed by something new every few seconds.

It noticed the Beldum presumably hunting for bingo cards and then abruptly remembered that it was, in fact Taco Tuesday, and immediately warped over to the stand and proceeded to shovel down as many as possible.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Holy shit," muttered Jesse under his breath, one paw moving to a wand at his belt. Well, they had a prime suspect for the fucking murder right here.

"Never have I ever what?" he asked, perplexed by the sentence fragment.

 

[Tanuki]

It noticed the Beldum presumably hunting for bingo cards and then abruptly remembered that it was, in fact Taco Tuesday, and immediately warped over to the stand and proceeded to shovel down as many as possible.

As a bonus for being the first guest, or perhaps the first person to show up and notice someone had left it there, Palkia found a Bingo Card! ...in a taco. The numbers stayed legible, at least.

 

[Tanuki]

“Does our HANDSOME bachelor choose Never have I ever?”

 

[Fusion]

"Holy shit," muttered Jesse under his breath, one paw moving to a wand at his belt. Well, they had a prime suspect for the fucking murder right here.

"Never have I ever what?" he asked, perplexed by the sentence fragment.

Lee laughed, shaking his head. "What? Never had your bones snapped and carved before? You're really missing out. Would definitely be better than playing this game, probably."

For how against it Lee made himself out to be, he was... interested to see it play out.

 

[Namohysip]

"Hey, so," Darkwhite said, curling her arms around Jesse's neck--due to her size, she barely made it around. She whispered into his ear, "What's your idea of a date, huh? Skydiving? Hiking? Calamities? I haven't been on a date before." She was still looking at Jesse's hands, occasionally making swiping motions like she was trying to conjure them into scythes, but it didn't seem to work.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"What's your idea of a date, huh? Skydiving? Hiking? Calamities? I haven't been on a date before."

"Believe it or not, I've done all of those. Not necessarily as dates, mind. I'm more of a candlelit dinner fella myself. Or campin' out under the stars is good."

He grinned drily. Of course the manic little devil was an adrenaline junkie.

“Does our HANDSOME bachelor choose Never have I ever?”

"I... I guess?" Jesse said to the screen. "Sure."

He frowned, still perturbed to hell and back by this fuckin' device and by the weird fuckin' characters he was surrounded by, but he was just gonna ride this ridiculous shit out as best as he could and see what he could learn.

 

[Tanuki]

The screen flashed to an elegant restaurant, with our lovely couple sitting across from each other. Instead of food, however, their plates held five candles. “Okay, let’s get this started, then I’ll hand it over to our contestants!” The voice started. “Never have I ever invaded my daughters mind with my psychic abilities or attempted world destruction on any scale! Blow out your candles before we blow them out for you!”

 

[Dragonfree]

“Ohoho,” Trebeck interjected. “I think a married man wants a bit more commitment than that! Are you sure?” The screen zoomed in on Mia’s model’s contemplative face.

"That doesn't make any sense," Mia said, and was about to begin to explain, but was immediately interrupted.

Darkwhite was busy trying to size Jesse up, making odd comparisons about his fur thickness and limbs and eye shape. "Hmmm, if you're going to try to date that Scyther, that means you're probably going to have to figure out how to dice food for cooking better, and that's just not going to cut it." She pointed at Jesse's not-bladed hands. She sighed. "I guess I'll have to carve your bones into scythes myself. Hold still!"

She frowned. "That doesn't make any sense either. People have knives. And if you really needed a scythe, you need it less if you're dating a Scyther, because they could do it for you."

 

[Fusion]

Never have I ever invaded my daughters mind with my psychic abilities or attempted world destruction on any scale!

"As if either of them actually did either of those," Lee rolled his eyes.