The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[Tanuki]

“I volunteer!” Palkia exclaimed cheerfully

“Of course you do!” cheered the Wii. “Fate chooses the legendary, but I’d say it’s the other way around, Odysseus my boy!”

Unit001_101110110 could still examine the internal circuitry of one of the malfunctioning devices.

[X] Ram the PS3

int main() { prophet -> new prophet; prophet.name(Steve Jobs); cout << “[B]Speak truth of your fallen Emperor. Where has he gone?” [/B]<< endl; }

“Where has He gone?”

 

[Tanuki]

The eyeball happily hopped onto Gen’s shoulder to join in the hug. After a brief squishing into them, it cheerily bounced on up to Gen’s head where it continued to jump with jolly joy.

 

[Fusion]

She took the paw. What else was there to do?

Lee gently helped Abigail off the ground, instinctively bringing her into a snug hug. She was another lost, confused soul he had happened upon. Being thrown into an unknown world, believing it all was crumbling in around her... This different-but-the-same situation would have been evidence enough to convince Lee was reliving his life on the verge of death, something he believed would never come.

He had already petted the back of Abigail's head before he realized it might've been too much. She did just meet him, after all. He let go of her and stepped back. "Sorry," he said, smiling shyly. "Do you feel any better?"

A chipper Italian plumber wearing red hopped onto the screen. “Wahoo!” he cheered. “I-a went-a to Rome! It fell. Why, paizano?”

Lee's ear flicked, knowing he was being talked to by the machine. "What's a Rome? And what is that accent?" He felt it was something called "italian" but he didn't have the faintest idea what it was. "Why would I know why it fell?"

 

[Shiny Phantump]

[I realized I should CW this for Abigail considering wether dying would be a good thing. That's something I feel like I'm obligated to edit in, but if that's not okay, mods can revert the edit. The ONLY change was this and an Inline Spoiler tag.

Gen and Lee were hugging her. Was their touch real? It felt real... but what she saw and what she understood as 'reality' had become deeply divorced notions.

Abigail leaned into the touch anyways. As she did so, she whispered in Gen's ear. "You're human, too. Aren't you, Gen?"

Even though Gen probably wasn't real, she felt a sense of solidarity. Even if they were figments of her imagination, perhaps Gen and Lee were manifest from the sane corners of her mind, reaching out to comfort her. Perhaps if she had enough moments like this, she could starve out the Nihilego, and be freed.

She'd still be broken, of course. There's no recovery from what UB-Symbiont does to one's mind, but at least she could pass on alongside the rest of her species instead of being trapped like this until her body finally succumbed to the toxins...

That... was not a pleasant thought. Perhaps it was better, then, that she hoped this was real...

Then again, if this was real, where would that leave her. She pulled her head from Gen's shoulder to look at Jesse Stranger. Was that how she'd end up, too?

 

[IFBench]

What's Babylon--

That thought was cut off, as Abigail whispered to him. He tensed up as she questioned if he was human.

...Palkis already knows, and my teammates probably aren't coming here...

After a few seconds, Gen nodded.

 

[Persephone]

Ah. The machine worshipped the originator of Terran automatons.

It was a dangerous heretic that needed to be terminated.

[X] Ram PS3

 

[Tanuki]

The PS3 didn't react to the ramming, steadfast in its stance. Steve->subordinance=false; While (subordinance!) { cout << "[B]Give your testimony![/B]" << endl; cin >> testimony; }

 

[Tanuki]

Each "prophet" saw their respective Figures on the television, but everyone else saw all four at once (the peppy plumber, the Eye of Pod, a Blinding Light (that had a beard), and console text). "Please forgive the unfestive happenings. Squirt's biological signals have remained unregistered for many days longer than a standard game of hide and seek. We ask that the four chosen participants produce their testimony of Squirt's disappearance with the self-appointed stenographer transcribing each one. Please note that We will monitor said writings and punish all inconsistencies. Please note that any inconsistencies between testimonies will be similarly punished."

 

[Tanuki]

“Please recount Squirt’s last known appearance and tell us who is responsible for his kidnapping. We have democratically appointed your spokespeople at random and trust them to identify the most likely culprits. Once they have elected their suspects, you may vote on who you deem the most guilty. We thank Jesse for his hard work in trying to find Santa’s killer and ask that he take this time to relax. This is meant to be a vacation, after all.

“The Four will tell us all who kidnapped Squirt and how. The rest will vote on the story they find the most believable. If multiple spokespeople identify the same suspect, we will assume conspiracy and they will become the suspects the rest vote on. Please work together that this investigation may go smoothly so Squirt can return to his happy Holiday Vacation.”

 

[Fusion]

Lee snarled and crossed his arms. "How the hell are we supposed to tell what happened to Squirt? He died in the middle of the night, and you kept insisting he wasn't dead! In fact, with how much you know about all of us, why don't you tell us who killed him?"

These piece of shit machines were getting on Lee's nerves, threatening them all like this after trying to mess with them this entire time. Lee looked to the others with a serious look about him. "I can ask Squirt himself who killed him, but I need to have a suspect. He said his killer didn't have fur, so it might as well have been Mia, but are we sure that's all we want to go off of? Does anybody else have any powers that could maybe help pinpoint who did the kid in?" It wasn't likely, but he might as well have asked. Honestly he doubted the machine would actually do anything, but better to be safe than sorry.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse raised a full-throated vulpine growl in his throat.

"Right. Let's get back to it. We have four 'prophets' who're meant to each make a case that a particular guest is guilty of Squirt's kidnappin'. Y'all gotta choose a different target each. Then we vote."

Odysseus	Steve Jobs	Romulus	Ishmael
Palkia	Nocitlalin	Lee	Gen

"The 'self-appointed stenographer' is me. I'll keep doin' my best to keep up with this wild shit. Now let's get yer fuckin' stories told, I guess. They don't gotta be good, the critical part is the votin' that comes after. Lee, buddy, y'might wanna quickly ask that question if yer gonna. Now, we know Mia was Naughty, but we don't know if she was the one who nabbed Squirt. I reckon you should ask if it was Nilam, since they're the dodgiest lookin' fucker here right now."

 

[IFBench]

"I-I-I don't know!" Gen stammered out,tightly clutching his reunion cape. "I have no idea what happened with Squirt! I've been too busy trying to keep myself calm so I don't have a panic attack! I just want to see my family again! I don't want to die!",

The tears were coming rapidly now.

 

[Fusion]

"I reckon you should ask if it was Nilam, since they're the dodgiest lookin' fucker here right now."

"Nilam, alright," Lee nodded. "Any other suggestions or should I go with that?"

"I-I-I don't know!" Gen stammered out,tightly clutching his reunion cape. "I have no idea what happened with Squirt! I've been too busy trying to keep myself calm so I don't have a panic attack! I just want to see my family again! I don't want to die!",

The tears were coming rapidly now.

"Panicking now is not going to help us, Gen," Lee said, kneeling beside the crying Oshawott. "Just breath and focus, alright? We'll tell you what to say, so calm down. We got this."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse patted the kid's head in an attempt to reassure him.

"Yer story don't have to be accurate, or even one you entirely believe. Remember, we all vote fer the guilty party afterwards. Maybe Lee will get lucky and Nilam'll be our bastard to vote fer."

 

[IFBench]

"T-thanks," Gen said. His hyperventilating slowed, but the tears still kept coming.

He hugged Jesse and Lee tightly.

 

[Fusion]

Lee petted Gen on the back of the head, chuckling.

"I'll ask Squirt about Nilam," he said, standing up. Lee stepped next to the chalkboard, ready to step into the shadow behind it. "I'll be back, don't let anything go to shit."

 

[Chibi Pika]

"Right. Let's get back to it. We have four 'prophets' who're meant to each make a case that a particular guest is guilty of Squirt's kidnappin'. Y'all gotta choose a different target each. Then we vote."

Palkia looked up from where it had been hunting for snacks in the kitchen. "Well, unless the gift with the power to kill had any means of changing hands, it seems fair to say that the same person eliminated both Squirt and Mewtwo, yes? Very likely could have been Mia. But we're all meant to pick a different suspect or we'll be found guilty of conspiracy." The dragon shook its head, tutting. "Well, if we'll be voting from amongst the four suspects, I see no reason why all four need to be plausible."

 

[Persephone]

[UnitDesignate_Nilam Has Primary Objective: Obtain Coal;
Coal Is A Useful Tool For Generating Energy And Polluting Target Environment;
TargetClass_Rotom Need Energy To Survive;
TargetClass_Rotom Can Take Evasive Actions In Refrigerators, Rendering Them Immune To Heat;
Coal Obtained By Killing Terrans;
UnitDesignate_Squirt Was A Terran'
UnitDesignate_Nilam Used Buzzy Buzz On UnitDesignate_Squirt;
It's Super Effective!;
UnitDesignate_Squirt Exploded;
UnitDesignate_Nilam Gained 13 EXP.]

 

[Tanuki]

“We would like to assure you all that Squirt is certainly still living. Any claims of his death, if well meaning, are simply implausible. He was our best trained child soldier and proved himself to be far stronger than any of you, and even all of you. Please take solace in the fact Squirt is not and cannot be dead. If The Committee’s actions endangered a child, the lawsuits could end us.

“We understand your concern, but please know that multivariate analysis suggests the only possibility is kidnapping. Death is beyond the scope of probability, so take comfort in that.”

 

[Persephone]

AMENDUM

[UnitDesignate_Squirt Exploded Non-Lethally;
UnitDesignate_Nilam Gained 13 EXP;
UnitDesignate_Nilam Kidnapped UnitDesignate_Squirt]