The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse rubbed his temple and adjusted his hat.

"If I had my fuckin' powers, this'd already be over. I'm still tempted to try detainin' folks and see if I can prevent further deaths that way. But somethin' tells me the play here is to gather information and... augh. To make use of the fuckin' amenities and facilities here. The goddamn bingo is gonna fuckin' matter in the end, I can just feel it."

He glanced around. "Gods help me, but... I'll take anyone who fancies it on a date, in the interest of promptin' more info from our hosts and gettin' a better read on each other. Like I said yesterday, I enjoy the company of any gender, and I'll do my best to be gentlemanly."

 

[IFBench]

Gen hesitated to take his turn. He didn't have that many truths to choose from the two days since his "amnesia". And he likely couldn't just have them all be lies with one lie being more false than the others, because the Wii would probably pick up on that.

He just had to hope for the best.

"Uh...I never ate a cheri berry, I live on the Thunder Continent, and I like to keep a journal," Gen eventually decided on.

 

[Chibi Pika]

"Not even fuckin' close. Mine is as straightforward as I can imagine, and what's more, it might never actually help us. Fer multiple fuckin' reasons. It's not a liability, it just ain't very useful. So I'm frettin' my fur out here about how to make myself useful."

Abigail shrugged. "Nothing might not be the worst thing to accomplish. Still, I expect I can make myself useful in one way or another."

"Ah, so there's two among us whose gifts will be very little help! Good to know!" the spatial one boomed joyously. "Myself, well, I suppose my gift is more useful than you two, but it's rather limited... I suppose we'd better hope that at least one of Darkwhite's tall tales comes though! She'd be the most powerful of us all... if she truly is aligned with us," Palkia added, grinning darkly.

 

[Tanuki]

I'll take anyone who fancies it on a date

Myself, well, I suppose

The PS3 buzzed to life. “How wonderful. What romantic evening would Jesse Delphox Human and Palkia Palkia enjoy? Your date will begin at a place of your choosing in one minute,” it explained in a cold, feminine voice that could only be described as Microsoft Samantha.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I'll bet any amount of tender y'like that the deity of spatial dimensions is not a romantically inclined entity," drawled Jesse, drily.

"Still. What're ya up fer, my dear dragon? Y'got an honorific 'n' pronouns I oughta be usin'?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

The spatial dragon's eyes lit up. "Excellent! I've always said that humans have such fascinating customs. And the best way to learn is hands-on experience, wouldn't you say?" Palkia leered at the Delphox.

 

[Tanuki]

I'll bet any amount of tender y'like that the deity of spatial dimensions is not a romantically inclined entity

Above the television, as if it had always been there, appeared a massive canvas of Jesse and Palkia kissing in a deep embrace. “Your love transcends your own bigotry, Jesse. You can’t deny it,” droned the PS3. “It’s not like you have anything against dating animals after all. Isn’t that right?”

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse's face moved between shock, confusion, anger, grief, humiliation, and feral rage in a matter of moments.

"Sierra's a fuckin' person," he said, icily. "How fuckin' dare you?"

He choked on his next words, and clenched his fists and jaw so hard that even with his powers muted, the persons nearby might yet feel an echo of his pain.

 

[IFBench]

Gen yelped as he felt an echo of Jesse's pain, and looked away from the canvas, back towards Abigail. What would she pick...?

 

[Tanuki]

The world faded around Palkia and Jesse. Soon, only the two of them stood to face each other, a burning tension in the air. Like two planets, gravity pulled them together. First they embraced, but Jesse soon found himself in Palkia’s arms, carried bridal style. He surely couldn’t wait for this role reversal.

Then, Palkia stood at the very top of the mountain’s highest slope, a board strapped to its feet. On the steep slope sat hundreds of four-chambered hearts beating in tune with the two lovers. Without warning, gravity did its work and began pulling the dragon down the slope.

The more the hearts beat, the more they stained the snow around them. Hitting any of these would surely ruin the romantic dinner awaiting them at the mountain’s base. Nobody wants strawberry jam all over their Sunday best!

And Sunday best they wore! A tight but comfortable tux hugged Palkia’s form while an elegant dress hung from Jesse’s.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

"Uh...I never ate a cheri berry, I live on the Thunder Continent, and I like to keep a journal," Gen eventually decided on.

Abigail stopped to think. She didn't know what the "Thunder Continent" was, so that would be a shot in the dark. The little guy seemed to be the journal-keeping type. (Though could she really call an Oshawott little now that she was a Ralts?) As for never eating a cheri berry. Maybe he just didn't like the zing? Still, he'd probably have needed to try one to know that.

She decided that the berry option was bait, and that it was oddly specific to trick her into picking it. She thought the odds of him keeping a journal were better than his odds of living on any given continent, so...

"You don't live on the Thunder Continent, wherever that is."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

This was purgatory. Or hell. Or something. This was punishment for every last failure. Every single sin. He was in a horrorshow, and it was only getting worse.

"This ain't right," he hissed. "This is fucked up."

 

[IFBench]

"Well, you're wrong. I don't keep a journal, and I do live on the Thunder Continent," Gen said. For now, that is.

 

[Tanuki]

This was purgatory. Or hell. Or something. This was punishment for every last failure. Every single sin. He was in a horrorshow, and it was only getting worse.

"This ain't right," he hissed. "This is fucked up."

“Please refrain from swearing in front of Special Agent Squirt,” interrupted the PS3. “His parents do not want him to repeat such naughty words."

 

[Tanuki]

"Well, you're wrong. I don't keep a journal, and I do live on the Thunder Continent," Gen said. For now, that is.

The ralts on screen looked painfully dismayed, crashing her head into the table. “Oh no! Is this love one-sided? Shake the Wii-mote to blow out a candle!”

 

[Shiny Phantump]

Abigail stared at the screen. "Shake the Wii-mote? You know what, sure. Whatever."

She awkwardly picked up the Wii-mote with her fingerless hands and shoot it.

 

[Fusion]

Glass clinked against a wall as Lee threw a bottle at the PS3, or wherever it would have been if Lee was in the same room as it. "Blasted piece of tech..." he grumbled, picking the bottle up and properly throwing it away.

With all the crazy going on, he simply laughed and went back to drinking, somewhat envious of the treatment Jesse was getting. "Lucky fox getting all the attention, just like the fuckers back home. If Jesse was a Zoroark I'd be livid," he laughed. What was it he was here for again? Something important... maybe drinks. No, maybe that Wii. "I call next on that game before I get too lost in this... this sauce." Lee shook his head. "Might need to pace myself better..."

 

[Chibi Pika]

"Still. What're ya up fer, my dear dragon? Y'got an honorific 'n' pronouns I oughta be usin'?"

"Oh, anything's fine, I'm a collector really~"

Then, Palkia stood at the very top of the mountain’s highest slope, a board strapped to its feet. On the steep slope sat hundreds of four-chambered hearts beating in tune with the two lovers. Without warning, gravity did its work and began pulling the dragon down the slope.

Palkia would have clapped if that wouldn't cause it to drop its date. "High-stakes extreme sports! How romantic!" No one could tell if the dragon was being facetious.

"I'll do my best!" Palkia exclaimed, pointing its wing-fins back and shooting down the slope as fast as possible, and for the first few moments, it was impossible to tell if "best" would mean avoiding all the hearts or hitting them

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse clung on for dear life and yelped occasionally at bumps and sharp turns. He'd fought gods and won. He'd seen some scarring shit. This... this was just too fucking weird.

 

[Namohysip]

So ye'd wanna use healin' powers on Lee, not me.

"Hmm, I see, I see..." Darkwhite nodded. "So talking to the dead is useful? Usually whenever I try they just tell me to go away... But maybe that's because I'm not here in this place!"

And I'm lesbian.

"And I'm, like, mother of all common life! I'm into everything! And I can be anything! Even a father of all common life! I haven't been that in a while." She tapped her chin. "Wonder if I can give it a try later..."

The naughty ones might try to remote it from the game, only for you to receive it instead! How fiendish~

"And I bet if I announce my power when someone else has a good power, I can also protect them!" Darkwhite nodded. "I guess being selfless is okay if it means I can mess with someone else!"

But if anyone here has the same ability, well... they'd know they could trust you now, wouldn't they?

"Yeah! And that makes it even more powerful because then it's like, TWO people are confirming that someone's nice!"

Reversing votes and killing all who targeted you?

"No, no, no! It's reversing the votes! So if they vote for me, instead they voted for themselves!"

I suppose we'd better hope that at least one of Darkwhite's tall tales comes though! She'd be the most powerful of us all... if she truly is aligned with us

Darkwhite giggled. "I'm totally a good guy. Just because I party hard doesn't mean I'm mean or evil or bad!"