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Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
Jonathan is actually a good rival. Hes skilled, hes cocky in a way that gets under mr gentlemans skin, and ken literally asks mr gentleman to beat him because jonathans gotten too strong. thats a great setup

and then jonathan DOES beat mr gentleman. twice. the first loss is pure bad luck, but the second loss feels earned- jonathan played well, mr gentleman got unlucky again but also just got outplayed plain and simple.

the wager is high stakes (mr gentleman has to sponsor jonathans ENTIRE academy education if he loses) which actually makes me care about the outcome a ton here. I dont want him to win dangit! dude sucks!!! which is really great stuff.

but then mr gentleman straight up cheats and ohh boy. he bribes stephanie to rig his gambler coinflips. and he just... does it. pays her 25% of all his winnings to fix the game, which he doesnt seem too beat up about it really, which makes me wonder if hes done this before...

and the story hasnt really addressed it yet but i assume it will later, mr gentleman justifies it ("if everyone were reasonable and dueled me I would have no need for such a severe handicap!") but thats not how morality works my guy. you made a bet, you're losing because your deck has a weakness and instead of accepting that you cheat. mr gentleman wins, feels vindicated, and moves on. So im sure this will come back later, or maybe this is a sign that our gentleman is falling down a darker path… interesting if thats so.

stephanie is... uncomfortable?

"Her age was one of the only ones that threw me for a loop. She was either eleven years old or had a petite frame being any age up to twenty-one" - why is this ambiguous if shes going to blow a kiss? why is mr gentleman considering if shed be romantic interest material if thats the case? the age ambiguity is weird, i presume its a humor bit but it didnt really land for me

gotan stuff still continues to be good. setting his own heads on fire to distract a kid from touching the flame bowls- thats both funny and shows he might actually be protective/intelligent

the pizza scene broke my heart a little. gotan wants to eat it, starts crying, dry heaving, has to bury his heads in his feathers. :( there’s something up with this bird, but i dont know what juuust yet. sleeping with both heads, seeming disappointed when rick joins permanently, maybe snickering when mr gentleman loses- either gotans smart or mr gentleman is projecting hard

the tabloid bit made me laugh

the newspaper worldbuilding is an exposition dump

just straight up "heres the newspaper let me read you three articles about UBI, doduo disappearing, and neo island immigration policy" - it stops the story dead to deliver lore

some of this matters (doduo vanishing connects to earlier hints about neo buying shipments) but i think it couldve been woven in more naturally.

aaa its getting late, but great stuff so far! I'll keep working my way through :D im curious to see where this is going to go, since I have almost no context for where this game really goes and how this functions, there's some interesting hints of whats coming up and its amusing with a very unique world concept that I havent seen in pokemon fanfic before! :D
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
the psychic club chapter is basically a joke which is funny. everyone just forfeits because they already know theyll lose. stephanie hands him booster packs without even dueling. "We can't be the only club to cower at your all-common deck. We do have some pride" - and then they immediately forfeit anyway. murray is still trying to bend that spoon with his mind while mr gentleman knows its a trick spoon and cant bring himself to say anything. the whole thing is like two pages and its mostly setup for whats coming

the ronald match in chapter 10 timeee

this is the first time mr gentleman has been genuinely challenged since jonathan. ronald knows his deck, knows his tactics, and the back-and-forth actually matters. the first game is a quick stomp but then ronald brings out hitmonchan and wins. the tiebreaker goes down to the wire with both of them at high prize counts

"That's it. THAT'S the potential I saw in you when you first defeated me and became Champion. All this with just a deck of common cards" - ronald respecting the win feels earned because it WAS a real challenge

also them working together on the mothzapper deck concept is sweet. mr gentleman finally has a friend again (besides rick whos mostly there for feathers)

and then chapter 11 happenssss

isaac is a VILLAIN. not just an antagonist, an actual villain. he manipulates his seven year old daughter to hurt mr gentleman emotionally. the setup is sooo tasty, jennifer asking if mr gentleman will let her win so her dad will take her to the amusement park, he throws the match because shes adorable, and then isaac uses that against him

"My poor little girl... He didn't duel you seriously. He was making fun of you. Since you didn't really win I can't take you to the amusement park now"- and jennifer starts CRYING because she thinks mr gentleman was mocking her. :(

the lighting effects during the confrontation are good staging. mr gentleman cant see anything, isaacs voice is circling him, then all the spotlights blind him while isaac tears into him. isaac genuinely believes mr gentleman is trying to steal his family, or is manuplating him, or is lying, who knows! but either way they're goating him and yeah, he responds.

isaac baited him into it but mr gentleman still swung first. which means isaac can claim self-defense when he punches him in the gut and tries to kick him

this undercuts mr gentlemans moral high ground (though he did lose it when he cheated earlier). yeah isaac is manipulating everyone and using his daughter as a weapon, but mr gentleman resorted to violence first.

gotan blocking the kick is great character work though. the bird who loves pain deliberately puts himself between isaac and mr gentleman to stop the violence. "If it weren't for Gotan's known love of pain I would have suspected he was helping!" - yeah no, gotans definitely helping. this is protective behavior

the stakes are now MASSIVE. if mr gentleman loses to isaac he has to give up being Champion permanently. if isaac loses he wont defend himself in a defamation lawsuit

also isaac banned him from the lightning club which means he cant complete his all-common tour of the clubs

I wonder if later the story going to address that mr gentleman cheated his way past jonathan.

i wonder if isaac actually villainous or does he have a point? from his perspective: his former best friend was way better at tcg, made him feel inadequate, married the girl he loved, and is now using an intentionally weak deck to embarrass people. the framing says isaacs wrong but i can see his side from an angle here
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
aaa so, so theyre both 18, both drinking, both clearly want each other, and he ALMOST says it - "Nikki... I've been thinking about you" - and then immediately panics into "I-I mean you and isaac!" like dude. DUDE. and she goes red every time he gets close to actually saying something!!!!!

then they go back to her place and keep drinking and the next morning hes waking up naked next to her and like, it is implied they did, and considering their reactions it probably did happen. him trying to steal his shirt back while shes clutching it in her sleep was cute. having to cover her with the sheet because he cant focus otherwise. kissing her forehead on the way out because "if I never had anything else with her at least for that one brief moment I could have that" and then Sir Pounce shows up and he STILL stops to pet the cat while fleeing

and like. we know from ricks drunk confession that nikki wanted him the whole time. so they had this night together (whatever it was) and he ran away and they never spoke about it and now its ten years later and shes married to isaac with two kids

fighting club was fine i guess. mitch keeps making comments about the members moms that are either completely innocent or hes a sex pest. jessica deciding to train blindfolded after losing made me laugh

rock club- gene is good, the rock garden description is pretty, matthew thinks professor oak sucks, this kid is never becoming club master

but okay the gotan thing is getting weird right? his cuts are visibly healing DURING the duels. rick says no ones ever seen a doduo die or found remains. theres a research facility on neo island. he blocked isaacs kick. he walks on his talon joints indoors to not scratch the floor

somethings going on with this bird and i dont know what yet- i wonder if its some dimensional shenanigans?

the club visits are starting to blur together a little bit? same structure every time, describe the room, duel some kids, leave. its fine but im ready for club masters now

mr gentleman cheated against jonathan and it hasnt mattered yet but it HAS to come up when hes about to bet his entire champion title against isaac right? like that feels like setup- or maybe its just a moral failing situation and moreso a hint of whats to come and im just fixating LOL
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
Reply To Reviews:

Thank you SO much for stopping by to review, rimly! :veelove:

Alright so i went into this knowing literally nothing about the pokemon tcg gameboy games and honestly? im kind of into it. The custom art and music links are cool, ive never seen a fic do that before, and it's giving me ideas :D
That's part of why I include other elements. Trying to keep reader's interest and attention! :okgon:

I've written the fic expecting the audience not to know about it, so hopefully that aspect won't be too detrimental.

The billy tutoring scene is very funny.
Yeah!! I knew there would be some lore to tackle early on, and humor usually helps people pay attention, so I'm glad it seemed to work on that front!

This kid is just merciless, the "i thought you were forty-five" line made me laugh, and then he keeps going with the holograms obsession and calling everything mr gentleman does lame or crummy. mr gentleman trying to maintain his dignity while dying inside is pretty funny.
:mewlulz:

Though i will say the tutoring session goes on for a while, especially once it hits the actual game mechanics explanation. i skimmed some of that part, honestly.
It does and skimming that section in particular is totally fine.

I like how committed the world is to card games solving everything. Its absurd but you just roll with it like yu-gi-oh! It's very fun.
Yeah, Yu-gi-oh seemed to be the best method for making a story about a card game. In the games, the card game is pretty much everything, so I had to do that or it just wouldn't be a TCG fic.

Mr gentleman himself is interesting as a protagonist.
So, I'm not sure how used you are to writing reviews yet, but if you are looking for ways to improve on them, this might be a good example to use. I'm glad that you find him interesting but I'm curious what things make him interesting to you. If you have further insight to provide, I'd welcome it. If not, no worries!

the dream sequence fake-out in chapter 1 worked- we see the life he wants (nikki, kids, normalcy) and then reality hits. hes 28, alone, his childhood friends married each other while he was grinding to Champion. he knows he fucked up by optimizing for achievement and losing all human connection in the process. :(
Yeah, despite his journey's end and 'having it all' he really doesn't.

The water club scene is uncomfortable in a good way.
I'm glad you added in a good way on the end lol Sometimes people make me think the chapter was a mistake, but I honestly had a lot of fun writing it and found it pretty funny. :unquag:

those girls are absolutely hunting him and he has zero defense, just trying to escape by yelling about duels. poor joshua in the background being their servant. i laughed at the crocodile shovel line LOL
I certainly had a ton of fun with that chapter. The humor was all improvised too! Very little changes vs the original draft. :mewlulz:

The main thing is the actual card game play gets really dense. like i get its a lets-play but i dont know pokemon tcg so when we hit paragraphs of turn-by-turn actions and card names my eyes kind of glaze over.
Yeah... that's fair. I've tried to make it as approachable as I could, but there is only so much I could do. It's ok if you gloss over some duel details. I won't be upset. It's not for everyone. Other reviewers do so too. Not ALL of them, but enough of them for me to take no offense from it at all.

the emotional thread disappears and it becomes mechanics. maybe this works better for people who actually play the game? for me it drags a bit to start
It's better for people who play the game. SOME reviewers are ok with it, but I've seen enough that aren't as into it. No worries on that aspect.

Also the doduo just... appears? imakuni shows up, duels, leaves, and now mr gentleman has a doduo following him home. feels like itll be important but the setup was a bit fast
That's all the setup it needed. For that part, anyway. I'll have you know I have plans for a one-shot staring Imakuni and a big part of Book Three will revolve around Doduo's prior owner!

Curious where this goes. the actual story about a lonely guy trying to find meaning after achieving everything is compelling, im just not sure how much of the 38 chapters will be card game play-by-play versus character stuff. Either way, yAHOO!
The duel details dial down at various sections. I think you will still find plenty of character stuff to stay invested. Or at least, that's my hope, anyway...

Sobs, I dont know if gotans actually smart or if mr gentleman is reading too much into a bird but either way its fun!
:mewlulz:

the collars with go and tan is a nice touch. gives him history without dumping exposition. someones owned this bird before and we dont know who- and also is named after a dragon ball character, which I'm wondering means something here.
If you mean Goten, then you are wrong. Gotan is not a dragon ball character, but I also don't mind people accidentally mixing it up. It just makes it more amusing from my perspective! :mewlulz:

the drunk scene in chapter 4 is legitimately reaaaaally good.
Yeah!! :veelove: I recently edited that chapter to enhance it too! Some of my best writing, that is! :cool:

Mr gentleman finally gets the truth, nikki wanted him the WHOLE TIME. she was trying to catch up to him in tcg skills because she thought thats what he wanted. Ughh thats BRUTAL. they both wanted each other and both thought they had to achieve something first and by the time mr gentleman got there she was already married. and shes not leaving because shes "traditional" so theyre both just stuck :(
Life be like that sometimes. 😔

But yeah, I'm glad it makes for compelling drama! :eyes:

"Why am I even here?! I got this Champion title that was supposed to MEAN something but I have NOTHING!" - yeah thats the whole story right there
Or at least a very large part of it. :okgon:

also the comedy in that scene works. them trying to have a deep conversation while absolutely hammered, the vacuum joke ("It sucked" "The vacuum! You get it?!"), mr gentleman talking about wems sandwich like its the holy grail, and then waking up SPOONING RICK ON THE COUCH. "I made a silent vow NEVER to drink that much again!" LOL
I had a TON of fun writing that chapter. Possibly the most fun in the whole book, actually! :mewlulz:

rick as a character adds a lot. hes got energy, hes weird about science stuff, hes nikki's brother so theres automatic tension, and now hes decided to be mr gentlemans wingman. the dynamic between them is fun- rick being obsessed with feathers while mr gentleman is having emotional crises
Everyone loves Rick. I think I have yet to find a reviewer who doesn't. :mewlulz:

The worldbuilding keeps dropping mysteries without explaining them. neo island buying doduo shipments even though they supposedly hate them? the legendary pokemon (mew/ho-oh/lugia) being maybe real? The weird cylindrical things in the science club that kid-mr-gentleman thought turned people into doduo? the rainbow palace with anti-gravity? this is certainly coming up in the future, but the curiosities grow ever more...
Deep. Deeper. And Deeper still. But the most interesting mysteries are yet to come. :eyes:

Gotan reacting to rick is interesting. the bird seems scared of him, then happy when rick yanks feathers out, then maybe disappointed when rick joins them permanently?
I love how you pick up on all these nuances! :veelove:

The card duels are still the same issue as before (dense play-by-play) but the outcomes are getting more interesting. the turn-2 win against david where he barely got to play? that actually matters because it shows how brutal the deck can be with good draws. and gotan taking damage from the doduo card and LOVING it while showering feathers everywhere is a fun visual
Glad the duel aspect is getting a little better for you. It should continue to get better as it goes too. Maybe you will even pick up on more of it as you go?

The wem subplot keeps coming up and it feels like shes gonna come back into the story eventually...
You seem well versed in the concept of conservation of detail... :mewlulz:

these three chapters moved the plot forward and did real character work. the ratio of story-to-card-game is better here too!
The fic is a bit front-loaded on TCG stuff because I didn't want readers drifting along through the duels aimlessly so I tried to do a bit of hand-holding with them.

Curious how the fire club visit goes since thats where mr gentleman was a member :D
And ANOTHER nuance you remembered! Very nice! :okgon:

Jonathan is actually a good rival. Hes skilled, hes cocky in a way that gets under mr gentlemans skin, and ken literally asks mr gentleman to beat him because jonathans gotten too strong. thats a great setup
A temporary rival, but a good one. And totally random too! When I lost to him in the original lets-play I was starting to think the whole thing was a bust! :unquag:

and then jonathan DOES beat mr gentleman. twice. the first loss is pure bad luck, but the second loss feels earned- jonathan played well, mr gentleman got unlucky again but also just got outplayed plain and simple.
Have I mentioned I hate cards that require coin-flips? :copyka:

:mewlulz:
the wager is high stakes (mr gentleman has to sponsor jonathans ENTIRE academy education if he loses) which actually makes me care about the outcome a ton here. I dont want him to win dangit! dude sucks!!! which is really great stuff.
Yes, the first of a high-stakes game. :veelove:

but then mr gentleman straight up cheats and ohh boy. he bribes stephanie to rig his gambler coinflips. and he just... does it. pays her 25% of all his winnings to fix the game, which he doesnt seem too beat up about it really, which makes me wonder if hes done this before...
The teleporter has a subscription to work. He reasoned 'Gambler' should too. Now, I will say that I do get some flak for this plot point, but I have my reasons for keeping it included. I can't wait for you to see what that is eventually... :veelove:

and the story hasnt really addressed it yet but i assume it will later, mr gentleman justifies it ("if everyone were reasonable and dueled me I would have no need for such a severe handicap!") but thats not how morality works my guy. you made a bet, you're losing because your deck has a weakness and instead of accepting that you cheat. mr gentleman wins, feels vindicated, and moves on. So im sure this will come back later, or maybe this is a sign that our gentleman is falling down a darker path… interesting if thats so.
So, I will say it's not an indication of him falling down a darker path, but yes, your critique here is valid. Even so, I have reasons for keeping it. :eyes:

stephanie is... uncomfortable?

"Her age was one of the only ones that threw me for a loop. She was either eleven years old or had a petite frame being any age up to twenty-one" - why is this ambiguous if shes going to blow a kiss? why is mr gentleman considering if shed be romantic interest material if thats the case? the age ambiguity is weird, i presume its a humor bit but it didnt really land for me
This was a brand new section.(Haven't even got K_S's input on it yet) I did not originally have her blow a kiss or have him react to the kiss. My current head-canon is that she is, in fact, 11 and finds it amusing to mess with men like that(She has no interest in any actual dating or romance outside of her age group). She gets away with it because her foresight always helps her avoid any real trouble. Her age being ambiguous was in a different chapter originally and I think the humor may have landed better in that scene than in this one?

But if a girl blows a kiss at a guy (especially if the guy is lonely), why wouldn't he consider that she was displaying potential romantic interest for him? Or at the very least, why would it be a stretch to think a guy might?

The vibe I was trying to go for here is that Stephanie grew up too fast and gets into all kinds of trouble without suffering the consequences for her behavior.(which leads to more bad behavior) Now, you might consider a child working to be odd, but I figure she faked her job application or something. Certainly would not be something she would be above doing.

I appreciate the concrit here. If you have more to say on it, your opinion is welcome.

gotan stuff still continues to be good. setting his own heads on fire to distract a kid from touching the flame bowls- thats both funny and shows he might actually be protective/intelligent
Glad it landed well! :eyes:

the pizza scene broke my heart a little. gotan wants to eat it, starts crying, dry heaving, has to bury his heads in his feathers. :(
Yep. No matter what else, Gotan wasn't able to have the pizza he wanted.

there’s something up with this bird, but i dont know what juuust yet. sleeping with both heads, seeming disappointed when rick joins permanently, maybe snickering when mr gentleman loses- either gotans smart or mr gentleman is projecting hard
I will say, I don't have many readers that consider the potential for the narrator being unreliable. I love how there are multiple ways readers can use to theory-craft! :veelove:

the tabloid bit made me laugh
Excellent. :mewlulz:

the newspaper worldbuilding is an exposition dump

just straight up "heres the newspaper let me read you three articles about UBI, doduo disappearing, and neo island immigration policy" - it stops the story dead to deliver lore
Oof! At least they were short articles? :copyka:

Though, I suppose I could try to add stuff from the environment inbetween the stuff in the articles... I haven't seen anyone else mention it as a problem though. I'll keep in mind that you brought it up. I may look at revising if I get more complaints on it. :okgon:

some of this matters (doduo vanishing connects to earlier hints about neo buying shipments) but i think it couldve been woven in more naturally.
I suppose? Let me have my lore darnit! :mewlulz:youdontknowhowmuchloreivereallyhaditwaswaaaaaaybiggerthanthatbefore! :copyka:

aaa its getting late, but great stuff so far! I'll keep working my way through :D im curious to see where this is going to go, since I have almost no context for where this game really goes and how this functions, there's some interesting hints of whats coming up and its amusing with a very unique world concept that I havent seen in pokemon fanfic before! :D
Yep! And I doubt you will ever see anything else quite like it. In fact, I figure the entire internet for all of mankind might not! :mewlulz:

the psychic club chapter is basically a joke which is funny. everyone just forfeits because they already know theyll lose. stephanie hands him booster packs without even dueling. "We can't be the only club to cower at your all-common deck. We do have some pride" - and then they immediately forfeit anyway. murray is still trying to bend that spoon with his mind while mr gentleman knows its a trick spoon and cant bring himself to say anything. the whole thing is like two pages and its mostly setup for whats coming
Yeah, I was pretty amused at it too. The idea of them forfeiting! :mewlulz: I enjoy a good funny chapter every now and then.

the ronald match in chapter 10 timeee

this is the first time mr gentleman has been genuinely challenged since jonathan. ronald knows his deck, knows his tactics, and the back-and-forth actually matters. the first game is a quick stomp but then ronald brings out hitmonchan and wins. the tiebreaker goes down to the wire with both of them at high prize counts

"That's it. THAT'S the potential I saw in you when you first defeated me and became Champion. All this with just a deck of common cards" - ronald respecting the win feels earned because it WAS a real challenge
CbEEYZjUsAEY8El.jpg


Did you just enjoy a DUEL?? :unquag:

also them working together on the mothzapper deck concept is sweet. mr gentleman finally has a friend again (besides rick whos mostly there for feathers)
:veelove:

and then chapter 11 happenssss

isaac is a VILLAIN. not just an antagonist, an actual villain.
Yeessssss!!! :veelove:

he manipulates his seven year old daughter to hurt mr gentleman emotionally. the setup is sooo tasty,
Chapter 11 is a major turning point. Just like a chapter 11 bankruptcy! :unquag:

jennifer asking if mr gentleman will let her win so her dad will take her to the amusement park, he throws the match because shes adorable, and then isaac uses that against him
Yes. Yes he does. :eyes:

"My poor little girl... He didn't duel you seriously. He was making fun of you. Since you didn't really win I can't take you to the amusement park now"- and jennifer starts CRYING because she thinks mr gentleman was mocking her. :(
It was quite the reversal and one I'm quite proud of. (Even though that feels odd to say lol :unquag:)

the lighting effects during the confrontation are good staging. mr gentleman cant see anything, isaacs voice is circling him, then all the spotlights blind him while isaac tears into him. isaac genuinely believes mr gentleman is trying to steal his family, or is manuplating him, or is lying, who knows! but either way they're goating him and yeah, he responds.

isaac baited him into it but mr gentleman still swung first. which means isaac can claim self-defense when he punches him in the gut and tries to kick him

this undercuts mr gentlemans moral high ground (though he did lose it when he cheated earlier)
Fair on the cheating aspect.

. yeah isaac is manipulating everyone and using his daughter as a weapon, but mr gentleman resorted to violence first.

gotan blocking the kick is great character work though. the bird who loves pain deliberately puts himself between isaac and mr gentleman to stop the violence. "If it weren't for Gotan's known love of pain I would have suspected he was helping!" - yeah no, gotans definitely helping. this is protective behavior
:mewlulz:

the stakes are now MASSIVE. if mr gentleman loses to isaac he has to give up being Champion permanently. if isaac loses he wont defend himself in a defamation lawsuit
Correct! :okgon:

also isaac banned him from the lightning club which means he cant complete his all-common tour of the clubs
Well, the only one in the lighting club he didn't duel was Isaac. So he CAN still complete it since he is permitted a match with Isaac later.

I wonder if later the story going to address that mr gentleman cheated his way past jonathan.
So... I'll answer this as a 'sort of'.

The meta answer is that I did not play the game with any cheats. That means that even though he may look like he is cheating, the results are not from cheating. That doesn't address the fact that he THINKS he is cheating, though so if you have some beef with that, it's valid.

i wonder if isaac actually villainous or does he have a point? from his perspective: his former best friend was way better at tcg, made him feel inadequate, married the girl he loved, and is now using an intentionally weak deck to embarrass people. the framing says isaacs wrong but i can see his side from an angle here
Ooo! I LOVE the way you analyze things! :wowzard:

I think you will be quite interested in later chapters... :cool:
aaa so, so theyre both 18, both drinking, both clearly want each other, and he ALMOST says it - "Nikki... I've been thinking about you" - and then immediately panics into "I-I mean you and isaac!" like dude. DUDE. and she goes red every time he gets close to actually saying something!!!!!
So close. So FREAKING close!!! :wowzard:

then they go back to her place and keep drinking and the next morning hes waking up naked next to her and like, it is implied they did, and considering their reactions it probably did happen.
It's a real possibility. :eyes:

him trying to steal his shirt back while shes clutching it in her sleep was cute.
🥰

having to cover her with the sheet because he cant focus otherwise. kissing her forehead on the way out because "if I never had anything else with her at least for that one brief moment I could have that" and then Sir Pounce shows up and he STILL stops to pet the cat while fleeing
Such a seemingly random detail, but I enjoy cats. :mewlulz:

and like. we know from ricks drunk confession that nikki wanted him the whole time. so they had this night together (whatever it was) and he ran away and they never spoke about it and now its ten years later and shes married to isaac with two kids
Heavy stuff. :okgon:

fighting club was fine i guess. mitch keeps making comments about the members moms that are either completely innocent or hes a sex pest. jessica deciding to train blindfolded after losing made me laugh
Fighting club was certainly on the weaker side as far as chapters go, but I'm glad it was still able to entertain.

rock club- gene is good, the rock garden description is pretty, matthew thinks professor oak sucks, this kid is never becoming club master
:mewlulz:

but okay the gotan thing is getting weird right? his cuts are visibly healing DURING the duels. rick says no ones ever seen a doduo die or found remains. theres a research facility on neo island. he blocked isaacs kick. he walks on his talon joints indoors to not scratch the floor
The evidence mounts. But what does it point to? :eyes:

somethings going on with this bird and i dont know what yet- i wonder if its some dimensional shenanigans?
:mewlulz:

the club visits are starting to blur together a little bit? same structure every time, describe the room, duel some kids, leave. its fine but im ready for club masters now
Good because it's time for the club masters now.

But the structure of the club visits is what it is. I'm operating on a lets-play skeleton here.

mr gentleman cheated against jonathan and it hasnt mattered yet but it HAS to come up when hes about to bet his entire champion title against isaac right?
Let's just say, you've only seen the HALF of it... :mewlulz:

like that feels like setup- or maybe its just a moral failing situation and moreso a hint of whats to come and im just fixating LOL
Oh there is definitely more to it. You will soon find out more.

This has been amazing! :veelove: Please feel free to reply to my reply within the fic. I don't care if it adds more posts to the fic. I just enjoy the interactions. (Assuming you are open to that. Totally fine if not.)
 

rimly

mini-blitz in a bottle
Location
a pocket dimension
Pronouns
They/She
okay so first off: thanks for clarifying the stephanie thing, that makes more sense if shes supposed to be a kid whos getting into trouble she shouldnt be in because psychic powers let her avoid consequences. still a bit weird but i get what youre going for now

"Did you just enjoy a DUEL??" - yeah! i enjoy yu gi oh, so i enjoy duels the earlier ones i think just didnt have enough stakes for me really. the ronald match was genuinely tense and i cared about the outcome. i think it works because ronald KNOWS mr gentlemans deck and is actively countering it, so its not just turn-by-turn mechanics

the cheating thing - the meta answer is interesting. mr gentleman THINKS hes cheating by bribing stephanie, but the actual coinflips in your lets-play werent rigged, so... is stephanie actually doing anything? or is she just taking his money and letting him think shes helping? because that would be hilarious and also fit her character (psychic, sees the future, knows shell get paid either way)

"you've only seen the HALF of it" - so its definitely coming back. good. i was worried it was just gonna be a moral failing that never got addressed

gene being universally good is nice to hear. the rock garden description genuinely worked for me

and yeah the gotan evidence is piling up - healing factor, no one finding doduo remains, protective behavior, neo island research facility. im very curious where this goes because it feels like hes not just a normal doduo

gonna keep reading! this is fun :wowzard:

onto the next chapters!

WAIT THEYRE CLONES???

okay so rick and mr gentleman spend a whole chapter figuring out that neo island immigrants are all identical, get dna samples, test them, and discover theyre literally clones. male clones all have identical dna, female clones all have identical dna. and none of them can play pokemon tcg no matter how many times you explain the rules

and then they panic about shadow government conspiracies and vow never to tell anyone because "everyone who figured this out must have been silenced"

i have no idea if this is real lore or if theyre being paranoid idiots but either way its wild

also "we can test this theory" followed by them just... asking random immigrants for hair samples "for science" made me laugh

to the next chap!

rick being mr gentlemans "anti-wingman" against amy is very funny.

he shows up, talks in a deliberately nasally voice, breathes heavily, makes creepy faces, wiggles his fingers at her, and amy CANNOT HANDLE IT. she forfeits the duel just to get away from him

"Please get that creature out of here!" "What? The doduo?" "NO! Not Doduo! I mean your cringe hired-hand Rick!"

amy running barefoot out of the club in a panic because rick wont stop being weird at her - perfection. she even forgets her deck (hey free cards)

and then the casual duel with rick where mr gentleman realizes: if hes good enough to beat everyone with commons, he overtrained. he couldve spent that time with nikki before she married isaac

to the next one and oh my god im an idiot.
WAIT HIS NAME IS TANGO NOT GOTAN

I SHOULDVE CAUGHT THAT. the collars say "go" and "tan" but you read them BACKWARDS so its "tan" and "go" = TANGO i mean literally thats your username LMAO

and tango REACTS. his eyes go wide when murray says theres more to him. mr gentleman thinks he sees tango sigh in relief which!! hey it isnt in his head :)

so yeah tango is definitely not a normal doduo and murray's psychic powers picked up on it. the mystery is building and im very curious what this birds deal actually is

also murray rage-quitting on the spoon and just bending it with his hands made me laugh.

the mr mime preventing weakness/resistance in murrays deck is actually interesting strategy - it nerfs mr gentlemans main gimmick (weakness conversion)

kens deck mixing fire/normal/fighting/water is fun. he was SO focused on mono-fire and now hes branching out

overall these chapters are good. the clone conspiracy is bonkers, the amy sequence is hilarious, and the tango reveal feels earned sobs i feel so stupid for missing it but it makes sense

okay so mitch WASNT being a creep, all the double meanings really were innocent - the rack was for katana display, the padding was for the floor, dealing with jessicas mom was about explaining bruises from shadowboxing. mr gentleman can finally relax about that lol

gene giving actual good advice about the isaac situation surprised me. "dont let isaac know you wont sue him. your anger could shake nikkis confidence in his side of the story" - thats smart. use isaacs guilt against him

rick saying "we cant afford to fight fairly against isaac" after telling mr gentleman hes not in the wrong means a lot coming from nikkis brother. hes choosing mr gentleman over his brother-in-law

tango creating perfect rock garden rings around the stones made me pause. mr gentleman tries to dismiss it as coincidence but like... the bird UNDERSTANDS AESTHETICS? or at least rock garden design principles? what- this bird is like a human I think or something

wait STEPHANIE SAID WHAT?? so somethings about to happen to mr gentleman and stephanie KNOWS because shes psychic and she almost warned him but caught herself

and then GR2 shows up asking to "interview" him for a magazine except the whole thing is INCREDIBLY SKETCHY. mysterious bodysuit, voice modulator, meets him in an alley, gets yanked up by rope after getting all the info. thats not a journalist at alll bud

tango diving into the trashcan the SECOND gr2 appears and staying hidden until theyre gone - yeah that bird knew something was wrong

mr gentleman just... gave gr2 all his information about his deck and schedule because he thought it was for a magazine. my guy you just told a suspicious stranger in an alley everything they need to know to counter your strategy

time to chapter 20!

ISAAC POV?? Oh hellyeah, we finally see inside his head and its DARK

okay waht, he orchestrated the entire "everyone refuse to duel mr gentleman" campaign to force him into poverty and obscurity

he knows nikki says mr gentlemans name in her sleep and it ENRAGES him. "Every time I heard her mutter his name in my sleep my anger boiled"

he PAID STEPHANIE to write the tabloid about mr gentleman

he PAID STEPHANIE to rig gambler coinflips AGAINST mr gentleman (wait so stephanie was taking money from BOTH of them? she told mr gentleman she was rigging FOR him but isaac paid her to rig AGAINST him? or is she just taking money from both and doing nothing?)

and the big one: HE HIRED GR2. "With our Champion gone he would eventually fade from the public eye"

isaac paid someone to KIDNAP OR KILL mr gentleman. "GR2 was a true professional. They even performed a mock-kidnapping on me as a demonstration"

this is an assassination plot. isaac is trying to have mr gentleman disappeared like god damn-- how much money does this guy have lmaO

and the photo of heather and jennifer walking to school together IS really cute which makes the whole chapter even darker because isaac genuinely loves his kids but is also a villain willing to murder someone

the tragedy is i can KIND of see isaacs perspective? his wife dreams about another man every night, that man is celebrated constantly by society, and isaac feels like he stole everything from him. but hiring an assassin is uh, yeah buddy, you're coco for cocopuffs.

also if stephanie is taking money from both isaac (to rig against) and mr gentleman (to rig for)... is she doing anything at all? or just pocketing both payments and letting the coinflips be random? huh
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
Reply to reply and replies to the reviews for the next chapters! :veelove:

okay so first off: thanks for clarifying the stephanie thing, that makes more sense if shes supposed to be a kid whos getting into trouble she shouldnt be in because psychic powers let her avoid consequences. still a bit weird but i get what youre going for now
:okgon:

"Did you just enjoy a DUEL??" - yeah! i enjoy yu gi oh, so i enjoy duels the earlier ones i think just didnt have enough stakes for me really. the ronald match was genuinely tense and i cared about the outcome. i think it works because ronald KNOWS mr gentlemans deck and is actively countering it, so its not just turn-by-turn mechanics
:okgon:

the cheating thing - the meta answer is interesting. mr gentleman THINKS hes cheating by bribing stephanie, but the actual coinflips in your lets-play werent rigged, so... is stephanie actually doing anything? or is she just taking his money and letting him think shes helping? because that would be hilarious and also fit her character (psychic, sees the future, knows shell get paid either way)
:mewlulz:

"you've only seen the HALF of it" - so its definitely coming back. good. i was worried it was just gonna be a moral failing that never got addressed
:unquag:

gene being universally good is nice to hear. the rock garden description genuinely worked for me
I thought the rock garden was pretty cool too! Glad you liked it!

and yeah the gotan evidence is piling up - healing factor, no one finding doduo remains, protective behavior, neo island research facility. im very curious where this goes because it feels like hes not just a normal doduo
What do you mean? He is perfectly normal and there is nothing weird about Doduo's in general. Just some common mon. :veelove:

gonna keep reading! this is fun :wowzard:
I'm genuinely happy to hear that! :veelove:

From here things only get crazier too!

onto the next chapters!
:eyes: Have I mentioned how utterly amazing the speed in which you read and review things is? :veelove:

WAIT THEYRE CLONES???
Indeed. :alien:

okay so rick and mr gentleman spend a whole chapter figuring out that neo island immigrants are all identical, get dna samples, test them, and discover theyre literally clones. male clones all have identical dna, female clones all have identical dna. and none of them can play pokemon tcg no matter how many times you explain the rules

and then they panic about shadow government conspiracies and vow never to tell anyone because "everyone who figured this out must have been silenced"

i have no idea if this is real lore or if theyre being paranoid idiots but either way its wild
Oh, so you question the lore at face value? Clever... :veelove:

also "we can test this theory" followed by them just... asking random immigrants for hair samples "for science" made me laugh
I love injecting humor where it works. :mewlulz:

to the next chap!

rick being mr gentlemans "anti-wingman" against amy is very funny.
I love how it goes so differently than the first time he meets Amy in the fic too. :mewlulz:

he shows up, talks in a deliberately nasally voice, breathes heavily, makes creepy faces, wiggles his fingers at her, and amy CANNOT HANDLE IT. she forfeits the duel just to get away from him

"Please get that creature out of here!" "What? The doduo?" "NO! Not Doduo! I mean your cringe hired-hand Rick!"

amy running barefoot out of the club in a panic because rick wont stop being weird at her - perfection. she even forgets her deck (hey free cards)
I'm glad the humor in the fic seems to land with you! It makes me laugh to see people laugh! :mewlulz:

and then the casual duel with rick where mr gentleman realizes: if hes good enough to beat everyone with commons, he overtrained. he couldve spent that time with nikki before she married isaac
And maybe he could have even dated and married her? His life would be his dreams...

to the next one and oh my god im an idiot.
WAIT HIS NAME IS TANGO NOT GOTAN
:ROFLMAO: YES!!

What makes me laugh harder than anything else is when I have obvious stuff that people MISS and then I get to see their reactions when they finally learn the truth! :ROFLMAO:

I SHOULDVE CAUGHT THAT. the collars say "go" and "tan" but you read them BACKWARDS so its "tan" and "go" = TANGO i mean literally thats your username LMAO
:ROFLMAO:

and tango REACTS. his eyes go wide when murray says theres more to him. mr gentleman thinks he sees tango sigh in relief which!! hey it isnt in his head :)

so yeah tango is definitely not a normal doduo and murray's psychic powers picked up on it. the mystery is building and im very curious what this birds deal actually is
Buckle up. You're in for a wild ride. But it's a long way to the top... :eyes:

also murray rage-quitting on the spoon and just bending it with his hands made me laugh.
:mewlulz:

the mr mime preventing weakness/resistance in murrays deck is actually interesting strategy - it nerfs mr gentlemans main gimmick (weakness conversion)
That does seem to be a big part of it, yeah.

kens deck mixing fire/normal/fighting/water is fun. he was SO focused on mono-fire and now hes branching out
I was shocked when I saw his decklist. I was like WAIT this guy as mostly NOT FIRE in his deck and he is the FIRE CLUB MASTER??! Whaaaaaat?? So, of course I had to have something in the narrative reflect it.

overall these chapters are good. the clone conspiracy is bonkers, the amy sequence is hilarious,
Yep. You are in the best section of the book now according to other readers and my own opinion as well! :cool:

and the tango reveal feels earned sobs i feel so stupid for missing it but it makes sense
That's the great thing about mysteries. It's amusing when people figure out the simple ones, hilarious when they don't and the harder mysteries are cool to see people speculate on and mega impressive if people figure stuff out! :eyes:

okay so mitch WASNT being a creep, all the double meanings really were innocent - the rack was for katana display, the padding was for the floor, dealing with jessicas mom was about explaining bruises from shadowboxing. mr gentleman can finally relax about that lol
When he shows up again later I'm going to keep having him say things that get taken waaaay wrong. Except in the future it will just be funny because readers will know there isn't anything to it yet be amazed at how he constantly innocently sounds like it! :mewlulz:

gene giving actual good advice about the isaac situation surprised me. "dont let isaac know you wont sue him. your anger could shake nikkis confidence in his side of the story" - thats smart. use isaacs guilt against him
I wanted him to be a wise father-figure kind of guy. One of the better supporting characters, I think.

rick saying "we cant afford to fight fairly against isaac" after telling mr gentleman hes not in the wrong means a lot coming from nikkis brother. hes choosing mr gentleman over his brother-in-law
Everybody loves Rick. :cool:

tango creating perfect rock garden rings around the stones made me pause. mr gentleman tries to dismiss it as coincidence but like... the bird UNDERSTANDS AESTHETICS? or at least rock garden design principles? what- this bird is like a human I think or something
I love getting more bold with the hints as stuff goes! :mewlulz:

wait STEPHANIE SAID WHAT?? so somethings about to happen to mr gentleman and stephanie KNOWS because shes psychic and she almost warned him but caught herself
Correct. :okgon:

But the question is: what did she see? :eyes:

and then GR2 shows up asking to "interview" him for a magazine except the whole thing is INCREDIBLY SKETCHY. mysterious bodysuit, voice modulator, meets him in an alley, gets yanked up by rope after getting all the info. thats not a journalist at alll bud
:mewlulz:

tango diving into the trashcan the SECOND gr2 appears and staying hidden until theyre gone - yeah that bird knew something was wrong
What do you mean? Tango just wanted to eat some garbage! duh!

:alien:
mr gentleman just... gave gr2 all his information about his deck and schedule because he thought it was for a magazine. my guy you just told a suspicious stranger in an alley everything they need to know to counter your strategy
No way GR2 would do something so nefarious. They are such a wholesome person! :veelove:

time to chapter 20!

ISAAC POV?? Oh hellyeah, we finally see inside his head and its DARK
Readers seem to appreciate the guest-star POVs in the fic. I enjoy them too. There will be more of those in the series.

okay waht, he orchestrated the entire "everyone refuse to duel mr gentleman" campaign to force him into poverty and obscurity
Yep, but it didn't work so he had to get dirtier with it.

he knows nikki says mr gentlemans name in her sleep and it ENRAGES him. "Every time I heard her mutter his name in my sleep my anger boiled"
He has quite a number of demons. :copyka:

he PAID STEPHANIE to write the tabloid about mr gentleman
Yep! I couldn't resist tying it together with stuff. Stephanie is perfect for off-loading all the shady (but not quite evil) stuff on.

he PAID STEPHANIE to rig gambler coinflips AGAINST mr gentleman (wait so stephanie was taking money from BOTH of them? she told mr gentleman she was rigging FOR him but isaac paid her to rig AGAINST him? or is she just taking money from both and doing nothing?)
This one I'll outright answer because it's funnier that way. She is taking money from both and getting paid to do absolutely nothing. :mewlulz:

and the big one: HE HIRED GR2. "With our Champion gone he would eventually fade from the public eye"
You are correct that this is the big one. 💀

isaac paid someone to KIDNAP OR KILL mr gentleman. "GR2 was a true professional. They even performed a mock-kidnapping on me as a demonstration"

this is an assassination plot. isaac is trying to have mr gentleman disappeared like god damn-- how much money does this guy have lmaO
How much money? Pretty much none now. You should ask GR2 how much money THEY have! :copyka:

and the photo of heather and jennifer walking to school together IS really cute which makes the whole chapter even darker because isaac genuinely loves his kids but is also a villain willing to murder someone
I thought the contrast worked nicely there too. :okgon:

the tragedy is i can KIND of see isaacs perspective? his wife dreams about another man every night, that man is celebrated constantly by society, and isaac feels like he stole everything from him.
Excellent. I wanted people to be able to sympathize with him a little. Helps build the drama more! :okgon:

but hiring an assassin is uh, yeah buddy, you're coco for cocopuffs.
He definitely has problems! :copyka:

also if stephanie is taking money from both isaac (to rig against) and mr gentleman (to rig for)... is she doing anything at all? or just pocketing both payments and letting the coinflips be random? huh
:mewlulz: That's why I said "you only know the HALF of it" :mewlulz:

Holy cow these reviews are SO FUN! Stuff like this is why I try so hard in writing. :veelove:
 

FanFictioner144

TRio enthusiast
Location
Floaroma Town, setting camp at meadow
Pronouns
him/his/their
Prepare for a review! And mark it anew!

Track 26 – a C major for the [innocently happy scenes]. Rick sounds even more chill with this track on.

Great illustration, by the way,

Rick appeared to be barely holding back a laugh. "It sucked.
That line sucked a chuckle from me.
it doesn't exist anymore, i guess

I find the chapter introduction fair. A direct mention of drunkness signals the slightly higher maturity of the work. Very well, I will take note of that.

Track 27 – an E major to carry on the joy of the earlier moments. That joy works for the audience, albeit not for the characters.

"I took ALL SIX YEARS! Twelve semesters of it." I smiled exactly like a troll face
Well, sign me up! I wanna do it now.
another line you've changed... i'm ashamed of how long i took to write this review

Ricks jaw dropped
Apo-💥
apostrophe

"I told her to buzz off..." I closed my eyes in old shame. "Then she gave me the sandwich and walked away
Perhaps she was testing you, MC. Had you given into your temptation, she probably wouldn't have cooked a sandwich for you.
The sandwich, then, is Wem being grateful for you.

drunk once before but I don't
Caught one! “once before, but”
Especially since a later part of the same dialogue has:
of words and such, but

Looks like the TCG will have to wait. MC and Rick are too occupied with jokes, stories, and camaraderie. I fully support that!

Track 27.5 – [moments of revelation] type of track.

up to him or
Caught one! “to him, or”
Using the same logic from previous [:quag:].

"Why am I even here?! I got this Champion title that was supposed to MEAN something but I have NOTHING
I was already suppressing my hate for you. But this feels like the right moment to lash out.
You are a fool, MC.
you and meowth would get along

I don't really what
Perhaps drunkness made Rick [eat the word “know”]? As in “I don’t really know what”?
just keeping it in for the register

but if there's some other chick you dig, I use some science or crap to get her to notice you
😳

Now I better understand MC’s case with Nikki. That sounds important. Wonder how the rest of the story keeps up with this subplot.

Track 28 – another E major that shares the melancholy of a C# minor. I say this could be relocated to..-
Wait, is it supposed to be a dream sequence?!
No relocation needed; this track is placed right where it needs to be!

Track 29 – makes me imagine the characters waking up in awkwardness. Ready to get back to serious stuff!

I realized to my horror that I was NOT spooning Nikki in bed... but RICK on my couch
😳
another one?!

I looked at Rick. "I don't think I feel like going out today
But if you don’t, how will the plot carry out?
We spent the rest of the day watching movies and relaxing
Oh, it won’t. My apologies.

I'm only here because of Rick's orders
Or rather, you are here because Rick called you over. Right?

you are supplying Doduo feathers and that Rick can collect data, so lets get this over with
Caught two! “Doduo feathers, and that”
apo-💥

"Very well! Lets see if
apo-💥

Unfortunately for him, many of his attacks required successful coin-flips and this would prove to be his undoing
I get it, this is a filler chapter. No privilege of watching the battle in full detail, am I right?
no criticism intended

Gotan was taking attacks by Erik's Pokemon cards! The crazy bird loved it
Masochist spotted. I wonder how the future chapters will handle this characterization.

Now, allow me to show you my first beta-reading commentary.

For starters, the chapter offers a relief from the main plot. Rather than card battles and stategies, readers verify a slice-of-life montage of MC and Rick. That kind of break is a common tactic known as a [character-driven filler chapter], and mostly appreciated by the readers.

I raised an eyebrow. "Did you get a bountiful haul, my good man?"

TCG2_Rick_Win.png


"It sucked." Rick snickered, barely holding back a laugh.
Aw, look! We got lots of comedy, too! :mewlulz:

Rick giggled as he climbed back into his seat. "No wonder you kick the living Mew out of people in the TCG, you psychopath!"

"Man," I squinted, "I wish I had one of those sandwiches she made..." And yet, despite my intoxicated brain having absolute faith that squinting would let me see the sandwich, if not outright make it appear, to my bafflement, it didn't work.
Yeah, just a chapter to lay back, laugh, and [feel all good while we can].

"It breaks the scale! Shatters it to little pieces. What you THINK breaks the scale it breaks EVEN HARDER! I want to chomp it! NOW!"
Highlighting a memorable moment to laugh.


On the other hand, the chapter introduces romantic tension midway through. From there, the tone abruptly shifts from comedic into borderline tragic. Readers may react to this with mild confusion, seeing as the sudden tragedy overshadows the previous lightheartedness.


"I KNOW!" I groaned. "But I thought I would have OPTIONS after being Champion..."

Rick held his hands out. "You're single, dude. Should have dated Wem."

I covered my face with my hands. "Yeah... then I wouldn't have to be single..."
Um, am I supposed to cry here or treat this exchange lightheartedly?

"Dude. That's the table, man. Couch that way." Rick pointed before he started giggling.

No wonder it was so hard!
Back to humor. Perhaps the previous scene was just a drunkenness gag.
i later see that it wasn’t exactly just a gag

"Nikki. I did it all for Nikki." I could feel my face flush as I looked away.

TCG2_Rick_Loss.png


Rick had a confused and unamused look. "My SISTER? Dude! Why?!"
Wait, are we getting all serious, now?! Didn’t see that one coming.

I nodded as we both started getting sleepier...
Wow, that was a touching moment. Guess I’m in for some recovery.

"Nikki, please stop that! I love you!"

But now she was elbowing even harder. I was starting to get nauseous.
I’m surprised to see him dreaming exclusively about Nikki. Wasn’t she the whole reason he wanted to become TCG Champion?


Overall, the subplot with Nikki feels oddly placed. The tone suggests importance, yet the backstory sparingly transcends expositional territory. Readers are left wondering why the section reads as important.
Knowing that, this chapter would work well if synergized with an upcoming one, especially if using flashbacks to “MC & Rick’s conversation.”


Meanwhile, the chapter’s final battle ends the break. Those scenes do a great job at pulling readers back to the main plot.


"Very well! Lets see if today is the day I lose with this all-common deck!" I took my seat and smiled.
You show ‘em, MC! :veelove:


In essence, this chapter functions as a lighthearted interval from the plot. By contrast, MC’s backstory with Nikki reads as a subplot that breaks that sense of lightheartedness. Readers may cry, yet they find it hard to understand her importance to the plot.

From there, I ask the following: is Nikki supposed to be a reminder of MC’s past, or is she a catalyst for character development from him?

If she is a reminder: MC and Rick would talk about her in a more mundane tone, or anything profound they say is excused by their drunkenness;
If she is a catalyst: MC’s changes, centered around his desire to be the TCG Champion, should be highlighted.

Overall insightful break from all the battling. Wondering if this chapter will be mentioned in the future, regarding MC’s former relationship with Nikki.

I might be late for this, but…
Have a happy Pokémon day!
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
Prepare for a review! And mark it anew!
To protect my fic from substandard reviews! To expand the prose to the stars above!

:mewlulz:

Track 26 – a C major for the [innocently happy scenes]. Rick sounds even more chill with this track on.
Yeah, I thought it worked pretty well!

Great illustration, by the way,
It might be my favorite so far! :veelove:

That line sucked a chuckle from me.
it doesn't exist anymore, i guess
:mewlulz:

I find the chapter introduction fair. A direct mention of drunkness signals the slightly higher maturity of the work. Very well, I will take note of that.
:okgon:

Track 27 – an E major to carry on the joy of the earlier moments. That joy works for the audience, albeit not for the characters.
Yeah the scene kind of jumps around a bit. The track probably doesn't do the greatest job of fitting everything, but adding another one in there would probably be too many.

Well, sign me up! I wanna do it now.
another line you've changed... i'm ashamed of how long i took to write this review
Well, now that you've reviewed one, you can probably get into the swing of things easier? :eyes:

Apo-💥
apostrophe
:quag:

Perhaps she was testing you, MC. Had you given into your temptation, she probably wouldn't have cooked a sandwich for you.
The sandwich, then, is Wem being grateful for you.
That is a fascinating perspective! But she prepared the sandwich in advance and gave it to him right after. She was going to give it to him regardless.

Caught one! “once before, but”
Especially since a later part of the same dialogue has:
:quag:

Looks like the TCG will have to wait. MC and Rick are too occupied with jokes, stories, and camaraderie. I fully support that!
Yeah! Not all of it needs to be card game chapters. :okgon:

Track 27.5 – [moments of revelation] type of track.
:okgon:

Caught one! “to him, or”
Using the same logic from previous [:quag:].
:quag:

I was already suppressing my hate for you. But this feels like the right moment to lash out.
You are a fool, MC.
you and meowth would get along
:mewlulz:

Now I better understand MC’s case with Nikki. That sounds important. Wonder how the rest of the story keeps up with this subplot.
That's because it IS important.

Track 28 – another E major that shares the melancholy of a C# minor. I say this could be relocated to..-
Wait, is it supposed to be a dream sequence?!
No relocation needed; this track is placed right where it needs to be!
Indeed.

Track 29 – makes me imagine the characters waking up in awkwardness. Ready to get back to serious stuff!
Sounds like the track did it's job then!

But if you don’t, how will the plot carry out?

Oh, it won’t. My apologies.
:mewlulz:

Or rather, you are here because Rick called you over. Right?
Correct!

Caught two! “Doduo feathers, and that”
apo-💥


apo-💥
:quag:

I get it, this is a filler chapter. No privilege of watching the battle in full detail, am I right?
no criticism intended
Correct. Not all battles need full details. I cut back on some.

Masochist spotted. I wonder how the future chapters will handle this characterization.
With more Doduo masochism, obviously. :mewlulz:

Now, allow me to show you my first beta-reading commentary.
Alright! :eyes:

For starters, the chapter offers a relief from the main plot. Rather than card battles and stategies, readers verify a slice-of-life montage of MC and Rick. That kind of break is a common tactic known as a [character-driven filler chapter], and mostly appreciated by the readers.
Yep! Every now and then I figured there should be some non-battle chapters.

Aw, look! We got lots of comedy, too! :mewlulz:
Indeed. The humor is one of my favorite parts of the chapter! :veelove:

Yeah, just a chapter to lay back, laugh, and [feel all good while we can].
Mostly. Except for the sad bits.

Highlighting a memorable moment to laugh.
:okgon:

On the other hand, the chapter introduces romantic tension midway through. From there, the tone abruptly shifts from comedic into borderline tragic. Readers may react to this with mild confusion, seeing as the sudden tragedy overshadows the previous lightheartedness.
Which is fine since they are drunk.

Um, am I supposed to cry here or treat this exchange lightheartedly?
Both.

Back to humor. Perhaps the previous scene was just a drunkenness gag.
i later see that it wasn’t exactly just a gag
Correct.

Wait, are we getting all serious, now?! Didn’t see that one coming.
Yep. Drunkenness is both for humor and getting to the heart of things. I'd say I maximized the use of it for the narrative!

Wow, that was a touching moment. Guess I’m in for some recovery.
Yeah, the chapter does quite a lot!

I’m surprised to see him dreaming exclusively about Nikki. Wasn’t she the whole reason he wanted to become TCG Champion?
Yes. She was the girl of his dreams who announced she would marry whoever became champion. So it filled him with desire and passion to get better so he could become champion. Nikki didn't wait on him and abandoned her idea, marrying Isaac instead.

Overall, the subplot with Nikki feels oddly placed. The tone suggests importance, yet the backstory sparingly transcends expositional territory. Readers are left wondering why the section reads as important.
Knowing that, this chapter would work well if synergized with an upcoming one, especially if using flashbacks to “MC & Rick’s conversation.”
If this is you trying to ask if this is important and will come up again later, it more DEFINITELY will! :eyes:

Meanwhile, the chapter’s final battle ends the break. Those scenes do a great job at pulling readers back to the main plot.
Thanks!

You show ‘em, MC! :veelove:
That he does.

In essence, this chapter functions as a lighthearted interval from the plot. By contrast, MC’s backstory with Nikki reads as a subplot that breaks that sense of lightheartedness. Readers may cry, yet they find it hard to understand her importance to the plot.
Hah. Her importance to the plot will be revealed in all due time.

From there, I ask the following: is Nikki supposed to be a reminder of MC’s past, or is she a catalyst for character development from him?
Both.

If she is a reminder: MC and Rick would talk about her in a more mundane tone, or anything profound they say is excused by their drunkenness;
If she is a catalyst: MC’s changes, centered around his desire to be the TCG Champion, should be highlighted.
Suffice to say, she is important and you will see

Overall insightful break from all the battling.
That was the idea! :veelove:

Wondering if this chapter will be mentioned in the future, regarding MC’s former relationship with Nikki.
Absolutely it will. :eyes:

I might be late for this, but…
Have a happy Pokémon day!
You as well! :veelove:
 

Venia Silente

For your ills, I prescribe a cat.
Location
At the 0-divisor point of the Riemann AU Earth
Pronouns
Él/Su
Partners
  1. nidorino
  2. blaziken
  3. fearow
  4. empoleon
Coming back from my last review about one week later than expected, since I wanted to have it cleaned up end-of-Feb but hey, here we are.

----


Review (Ch.1)​

…Perhaps not to Soon™ as I had said, but stuff is mostly here.

The day of new adventure comes. After all, it’s time to MAKE MONEY!!! Dread it, run from it, expenditures always come.

As I laid in bed, I considered the space of my new home. It certainly gave room to breathe, but had a certain… emptiness about it.
Consider: acquiring things to decorate homes costs money. Money that we have yet to make! Instead, enjoy the free space. Once the Diogenes hits strong and your living room is full of stack of boxes of VHS movies about card game players you’ll never watch, it’s never coming back.

Armed with my ‘FlashFire!’ deck, the members of the Grass Club should make for the best test run since fire would give me the advantage.
My two OCs with Flash Fire approve.

Free piece of advice if you ever plan on cross-posting this to sites like AO3: leave a section link to, or an extra copy of, the deck listing that was provided in the previous paragraph. It’s more mechanical information that’s useful for those who are following things more closely to the point, and saves those who care from keeping an extra tab open.

(Then again, who am I kidding, if a reader of yours is gonna track the mechanics that closely, they likely already have three extra tabs open solely because of this fic, lol)

So, “Mister”™ engages in a healthy and environmentally productive activity like walking, instead of taking the bus or a cab (I take it there’s no Uber in this economy?). Following the mental track towards the first opponents, but also enjoying the trip in the meanwhile. Basically the whole meal. It is, at least, a traversed and regular enough path that it seems some improvements like wooden bridges, hopefully with maintenance… I do wonder who is paying for that, tho. Presumably there’s another, more practical road towards the Grass Club that has better vehicular capability (perhaps a bike lane, if going by their likely theming) and sees better maintenance?

Oh well. When has walking into the wilds ever killed anyone. This is not, after all, a world with variegated wild Pokémon, let alone a PMD world :p.

Sometimes one would even catch wild Doduo cutting through! There had been one recently, judging from the tracks across the path.
DUN DUN DUUUUUN

It is time. Tracker mode activate! Follow the tracks and get to the critter and use a Pokéball to– oh right… Riiiight. Card games.

Challenge the Doduo to a card game.

I soon arrived at the fork in the trail. After taking the path to the right, it wasn’t long until I was met with a break in the trees and a view of the side of the Grass Club!
Excuse me but…

alnhvd.jpg


why would you choose that???
why would you choose that???
Like, honestly, if you are gonna ruin a good suit that you don’t have money to wash, by wandering about in the woods, hey do at least try and get a free Doduo out of the exercise!

Walking in, the Club sure does try sticking to the theme, with an unpaved interior lounge. “Mister”™ wonders who not just plant some grass there and honestly while I can’t think of much good reasons, the need for extra maintenance does is one. Nothing that a holed brick road can’t fix (and it allows for decent drainage).

Being dapper never hurt anyone, and I wasn’t going to have the ladies in the all-girl club put up with anything less than my best.

Mr-Gentleman-Transparent-Background-Small-Borders.png


Attire in order, I crossed the threshold of the Grass Club.
Well now of course it’s never hurt anyone… except the pocket lining. Can you think how costly it’s gonna keep this nice suit washed from dirt, pollen and stuff? Like, that’s money we don’t currently have!

(If the gains from these battles today are gone to buying sports shoes, I’ll can only laugh)

I began to glance about the room.
I first noticed Brittany.
Ah yes. First blood!

Sorry if I’m proooobably overidealizing how cool card game combat is like, once again, YGO is at fault.

Unfortunately, my great success that day was where my trouble began with getting opponents to duel me…
On the one hand, yes, that was gonna stink in the end. On the other hand, I feel like people from the Grass Club would be the more willing to experiment against a new deck, in particular if it’s from a reputable contender. If Nikki’s still around she can speak well on the situation and help us advance the plot! :p

Next, I noticed Kristin.
Last, I noticed Heather.
No Karens? We’re good.

Because she looked so much like Nikki from long ago, it stirred many feelings in me; adoration, nostalgia, hope… and deep regret.
No no no no, “Mister”™, there can be only one feeling. BLOOODLUST!!

Or fear of running out of coin. Either is fine.

My thinking back then was so narrow-minded; to have the life you want and the girl you want, you had to become the best at the Pokemon TCG!
Take it from a certain Ashnime: that doesn’t work lol.

Also, oooh reminiscing mode! (I really enjoyed the reminiscing scene from the prologue)

Those were the best days of my life. So full of possibility and wonder, yet without the full weight of responsibility
Teenagers! [*shakes fist*]

So we have a triangle thing going on in the past. You know the triangle. No, not the starter triangle! There was “Mister”™, there was Nikki, and there was Isaac. Friends (or even friends-with-benefits) become more distant as time goes on, and in the end, sometimes three’s too much for a duet, I guess.

In my pursuit of her… I had left her behind…
Banger lines of 2026 (well, 2025) that would make Plato not envy our current times.

In the end, sometimes when you dedicate too much to a craft, all you are left with in the end is the need, the need for speed. Often people say spite is a powerful motivator and in this case there even seems to be a bit of it here powering our MC’s way to Championdom, but also the usual advice that comes along with is is that the top is a lonely place, as we already saw in the prologue.

My grandfather’s words yet again rang true: That it is not the destination in life that is important… but the journey.
Did I vote yet for more Grandpa screentime? No? Just sayin’, I’d totally befine with it.

We are thrown back to reality, however, with Heather already explaining that the meta is locked and there’s no point in a trade you know is locked into a losing match. Reminds me a bit of the impressions some of the characters get during Last Year at Marienbad, a movie precisely about a player locked into a game with a very specific meta.

I gave my best confident smile. “Heather! Today things are far different! I am already the Champion! Today I am here to give your club the first crack at winning against my new all-common card deck; ‘FlashFire!’ I drew my deck from my pocket and fanned a few cards out for her to see.
Important lesson in life: if you have no rizz, have “car salesman charm” as a backup plan. [*sagenods*]

As soon as she’s explained the new testing meta, heather goes on to find cannon foddercompetitors. The idea of “no rare cards in the deck” already helps sell the experimentation if the idea of getting a première of the new deck doesn’t already.

Also, Nikki is there.

tcg2_nikki_loss-png.19681


Come on, we all know what that stare is for. DUN DUN DUUUUN.

(Also, another life lesson: good rizz begins with good eye contact, so get to training that one NOW!)

Suddenly Brittany approached and held out her deck, snapping me away from my thoughts. “You’re on, Mister!”
And we’re ON!!! We get the Battle Tarp, courtesy of our protag, and we can get to experience the new deck.

She turned her gaze away from the roof and back to me with her head titled with widened eyes. “I sure was surprised when I learned that, past beginner-level, almost all duelists play on the floor!”
Don’t let YGO-ers learn that! They are already enough of an issue as-is! XD

We get some nice pre-battle conversation (it’s not really banter, it’s noticeably more casual and geared towards reminiscing and comparing the outside world than anything else) and then we get striaght to the hand, which includes Gust of Wind, a card that triggers switchouts. This might get interesting for the opening session, in-universe, because it means the strategy is to test the deck’s viability against as wide a portion of the opponent’s deck in a single go as possible.

She proceeded to her turn and drew a card, attaching her energy for the turn on her benched Bellsprout Lv. 11. An odd choice considering her Scyther Lv. 23 in the active slot was left with none.
I do have faith in a Scyther! Ever one that is merely a drawing! Those things are dangerous and can handle themselves, and also most art I can recall of the trading cards up to about the EX era makes them look quite cool.

This meant I drew four cards instead of doing nothing. As for my cards:
[…] Ponyta Lv. 8
And the flame begins.

“Don’t think you can scare me with all those cards! You can still only attach one energy per turn and you can’t evolve any mon the first turn they are placed! Also, you can only attack once per round!”
Bold words for cannon fodder! But also, a decent if sliiiightly forced way to get reminded of some of the most basic rules that one could reasonably believe, sometimes, are taken for granted.

Ponyta Lv. 8 is set in position and we get the first attack in not a Fire attack but a kick this time so as to not rely on random chance (that also costs stock). The response is to bench a Weedle and then set things up to rotate Scyther off the turn immediately, costing us cool bug screentime but also gives us the first KO in favour of “Mister”™, with Bellsprout Lv. 11 going down.

Subsequent operations have Brittany bring in a Pinsir which is no Scyther alas, but things are well set up so that “Mister”™ can keep his opponent from building up an upper hand, and while our glorious Ponyta gets PSN’d in the process, a quickie Switch fixes that.

Brittany dragged the fingers of both hands across her face. “Why are ALL your coin-flips heads?! Nooo!”
Because he’s ahead in the game! Get it? A-head? No?

And as further proof that “Mister”™ is ahead, he brings our glorious Ponyta back and proceeds to KO another opponent card in the process, making a 2-out-of 4.

Scyther comes next for the screentime wins, with a Grass Energy attached for good measure, and the paper critter nails the screentime by taking out our Glorious Ponyta!

Brittany nodded while smiling. “Awesome! When you use this deck I can actually KO your mon!”
Ooooh the fresh breath of actually facing some risk in life.

With two Bill, surely I would draw something of use! I played both of them:
[…] Dark Rapidash
Aaaaah good ol’ environmental storytelling. Was this a shōnen fight and not a TCG, this could be reparsed as our once-defeated and glorious Ponyta taking the cuffs off and bulking up for the comeback.

I swapped Dark Rapidash back to the deck for a Ponyta Lv. 8 and played it.
Noooo! I mean yes, but noooo!

Anyway it all means cool Ponyta screentime. Continuation of the attack however falls upon Voltorb’s task to complete and that suffices to bring Scyther down to half HP. To secure that particular win, we get to evolve the Ponyta and with increased attack, Scyther goes down by the end of the turn.

One more attack and the game would be mine!
famous last words.

Brittany decided to go down swinging. She brought out a Bellsprout Lv. 11,
Kudos to her, and also thematically fitting wording.

Still, in the end that’s of no help and “Mister”™ secures what I’m reading is a 4-1 win.

Kristin steps in next, and could have featured good Scyther and Venomoth screentime, but the rundown is offscreen and very similar to what Brittany went through, so I’m guessing it was a 4-2 at best. Dark Rapidash earned its offscreentime (I just coined that word) awesomeness here.

Kristin had tears running down her face. “What IS this?! How can I lose to a deck of ALL COMMONS!?”
famous questions uttered by French aristocracy.

This leaves Heather as the last opponent and she at least comes in with the attitude to make an effort for a different experience.

tcg2_heather-png.19677


Alas, it was not meant to be, and her deck goes down in flames as well, although she still has enough confidence and regain that she hopes the experience was useful as a deck test scenario, as originally intended.

I replied back softly, […] “If all goes well, I’ll also test my deck against your mother.”
Oh you silly+, there are more ways to recoup that lost time besides, ahem, sliding your deck against the mother* XD.

Aaaaanyway, that’s one test session done, and as the first team to ever lose against the new deck the Grass Club does send the wish to have everyone else get pummeled so that they are not remembered unfondly as the “only jokers to lose against the upstart”, I guess. Still, good wishes are good wishes.

My time in the club was short indeed. All-commons or not, type advantage was type advantage.
And this is one way the TCG is different from the mainline games, where at least for the regualr game, level difference trumps everything else barring type immunities.

Before I left the club, I caught Nikki with a determined look upon her face. Now was not the time for our duel, though…
Yup, that look.

Not yet. But oooh is that conversation going to be interesting.

My next destination would be the Water Club.
There we go then, for next review, my scoring will be 8.8/Too Much Water!

All in all a good chapter with a lot of hidden (and not) promises for lore and character interaction. Seeing the “paper cutout” screentime for Ponyta and Scyther was pretty good because honestly Ponyta (Rapidash) and Scyther are really cool mons.

The idea of testing the new deck “ground up” and more in-the-bare, in the sense of going against cannon fodder from the get-go instead of running an experimental test against a second-tier opponent, as one would probably be inclined to do when one already has standing experience so as to “shortcircuit” the experiment, does stand as an interesting indicator that this is, so far, as much for the love of the game as is for getting back to the competitive circuit somehow. When you love the game, one of the easiest ways to share the love of the game is with beginners, after all, no matter how advanced level you are. That’s a thign that Monster Hunter multiplayer has taught me, and is a standing evidence that “Mister”™ is willing to take the time and do the actual legwork of getting his new deck well tested.

And if he gets to enjoy it in the meantime and catch a IRL (in-universe) Doduo along the road, the better!

But still, that fork on the road that led to the Doduo on the untaken path but to the competitive sport on the taken road does serve a nice narrative parallel to the fork in “Mister”™’s past life (and love-life), what with the questions that now emerge about the untaken path.

Will we get more? Will the potential villain that would be the other pupil of Ms. Wem, that I invented in last review, learn about this recent “re-development” of longing stares and kidnap Heather and/or Nikki as bargaining chips in the Final Duel? Will “Mister”™ actually get to catch or adopt a Doduo? Will he have to hand-wash his suit for a couple weeks until the economy improves? (real 2026 vibes btw)

WHO KNOWS!!! SO STAY TUNED!!
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
Coming back from my last review about one week later than expected, since I wanted to have it cleaned up end-of-Feb but hey, here we are.

----
I'm just happy to see you back, Venia! I've been looking forward to this! :veelove:

Review (Ch.1)​

…Perhaps not to Soon™ as I had said, but stuff is mostly here.

The day of new adventure comes. After all, it’s time to MAKE MONEY!!! Dread it, run from it, expenditures always come.
Money. Because it has to start somewhere!

Consider: acquiring things to decorate homes costs money. Money that we have yet to make! Instead, enjoy the free space. Once the Diogenes hits strong and your living room is full of stack of boxes of VHS movies about card game players you’ll never watch, it’s never coming back.
People do have a tendency to hoard things the longer they are around, don't they? :mewlulz:

My two OCs with Flash Fire approve.

Free piece of advice if you ever plan on cross-posting this to sites like AO3: leave a section link to, or an extra copy of, the deck listing that was provided in the previous paragraph. It’s more mechanical information that’s useful for those who are following things more closely to the point, and saves those who care from keeping an extra tab open.

(Then again, who am I kidding, if a reader of yours is gonna track the mechanics that closely, they likely already have three extra tabs open solely because of this fic, lol)
So, I've tried experimenting with an idea to help with that. I've recently started implementing hovertext to show what various cards do in the duels. I'm hoping that will help readers easily remain in the know.

Re-listing the deck again in the chapter seems like it would be too much of a hassle for the reader to scroll up and down. I'll just let them open a new tab for it instead, if they are curious.

So, “Mister”™ engages in a healthy and environmentally productive activity like walking, instead of taking the bus or a cab (I take it there’s no Uber in this economy?).
Oh, he could get there in all sorts of ways. It's just within walking distance and he felt like walking.

Following the mental track towards the first opponents, but also enjoying the trip in the meanwhile. Basically the whole meal. It is, at least, a traversed and regular enough path that it seems some improvements like wooden bridges, hopefully with maintenance… I do wonder who is paying for that, tho.
Hmm! Probably the government of TCG Island. That government is an AI: The Oracle. This will be lore will be dropped and expanded on in later chapters.

Presumably there’s another, more practical road towards the Grass Club that has better vehicular capability (perhaps a bike lane, if going by their likely theming) and sees better maintenance?
I mean, there are regular roads and stuff too. That was just a walking trail that one should be able to bike on too.

Oh well. When has walking into the wilds ever killed anyone. This is not, after all, a world with variegated wild Pokémon, let alone a PMD world :p.
Ah, but if you flip it around, you can see that him walking alone in the woods isn't considered dangerous by him. Instead it's considered peaceful. That's just the kind of place TCG Island is.

DUN DUN DUUUUUN
Everyone seems to think that Doduo ends up being THE Doduo. :mewlulz: I just wanted to establish that wild Doduo do roam the island.

It is time. Tracker mode activate! Follow the tracks and get to the critter and use a Pokéball to– oh right… Riiiight. Card games.
Yep. No Pokeball's in this world, I'm afraid. They have yet to invent them.

Challenge the Doduo to a card game.
Challenge a Doduo to a card game?? Just how crazy do you think this fic is! :unquag:

Excuse me but…

alnhvd.jpg


why would you choose that???
why would you choose that???
Well, IS the matter of a depressingly low bank account... :unquag:

Like, honestly, if you are gonna ruin a good suit that you don’t have money to wash, by wandering about in the woods, hey do at least try and get a free Doduo out of the exercise!
:mewlulz:

Well now of course it’s never hurt anyone… except the pocket lining. Can you think how costly it’s gonna keep this nice suit washed from dirt, pollen and stuff? Like, that’s money we don’t currently have!
The money from duels will overcome such trifles. Besides... there is also... THE MIGHTY TARP! :wowzard:

(If the gains from these battles today are gone to buying sports shoes, I’ll can only laugh)
:mewlulz:

Ah yes. First blood!

Sorry if I’m proooobably overidealizing how cool card game combat is like, once again, YGO is at fault.
I mean, you're not wrong lol

On the one hand, yes, that was gonna stink in the end. On the other hand, I feel like people from the Grass Club would be the more willing to experiment against a new deck, in particular if it’s from a reputable contender. If Nikki’s still around she can speak well on the situation and help us advance the plot! :p
Yeah, the Grass Club is a pretty welcoming place. Probably the most of all the clubs, generally speaking.

No Karens? We’re good.
:mewlulz:

No no no no, “Mister”™, there can be only one feeling. BLOOODLUST!!

Or fear of running out of coin. Either is fine.
Never fear! The thought of running out of money shall propel our protagonist to great heights! :eyes:

Take it from a certain Ashnime: that doesn’t work lol.
No.

No it does not... :copyka:

Also, oooh reminiscing mode! (I really enjoyed the reminiscing scene from the prologue)
Well, hopefully you will like this one too, then! :eyes:

Teenagers! [*shakes fist*]

So we have a triangle thing going on in the past. You know the triangle. No, not the starter triangle! There was “Mister”™, there was Nikki, and there was Isaac. Friends (or even friends-with-benefits) become more distant as time goes on, and in the end, sometimes three’s too much for a duet, I guess.
You seem to get the general idea! :eyes:

Banger lines of 2026 (well, 2025) that would make Plato not envy our current times.

In the end, sometimes when you dedicate too much to a craft, all you are left with in the end is the need, the need for speed. Often people say spite is a powerful motivator and in this case there even seems to be a bit of it here powering our MC’s way to Championdom, but also the usual advice that comes along with is is that the top is a lonely place, as we already saw in the prologue.
Indeed the top is.

Did I vote yet for more Grandpa screentime? No? Just sayin’, I’d totally befine with it.
Perhaps I'll give his grandfather a full flashback scene. But if I do, it will come much later in the story at a moment that is much more impactful.

We are thrown back to reality, however, with Heather already explaining that the meta is locked and there’s no point in a trade you know is locked into a losing match. Reminds me a bit of the impressions some of the characters get during Last Year at Marienbad, a movie precisely about a player locked into a game with a very specific meta.
That sounds interesting. Maybe I'll check it out?

Important lesson in life: if you have no rizz, have “car salesman charm” as a backup plan. [*sagenods*]
:mewlulz:

As soon as she’s explained the new testing meta, heather goes on to find cannon foddercompetitors. The idea of “no rare cards in the deck” already helps sell the experimentation if the idea of getting a première of the new deck doesn’t already.
Cannonfodder indeed! :mewlulz:

Also, Nikki is there.

tcg2_nikki_loss-png.19681


Come on, we all know what that stare is for. DUN DUN DUUUUN.
We do? :eyes:

(Also, another life lesson: good rizz begins with good eye contact, so get to training that one NOW!)
:mewlulz:

And we’re ON!!! We get the Battle Tarp, courtesy of our protag, and we can get to experience the new deck.
Yeah!! :letsgorb:

Don’t let YGO-ers learn that! They are already enough of an issue as-is! XD
:unquag:

We get some nice pre-battle conversation (it’s not really banter, it’s noticeably more casual and geared towards reminiscing and comparing the outside world than anything else) and then we get striaght to the hand, which includes Gust of Wind, a card that triggers switchouts. This might get interesting for the opening session, in-universe, because it means the strategy is to test the deck’s viability against as wide a portion of the opponent’s deck in a single go as possible.
In theory, it could be used with that motivation in mind!

I do have faith in a Scyther! Ever one that is merely a drawing! Those things are dangerous and can handle themselves, and also most art I can recall of the trading cards up to about the EX era makes them look quite cool.
Scyther's are cool for sure. And in the TCG they are properly effective instead of being fairly weak like their game counterparts are.

And the flame begins.

Bold words for cannon fodder! But also, a decent if sliiiightly forced way to get reminded of some of the most basic rules that one could reasonably believe, sometimes, are taken for granted.
Well, this is unique because it's the first chapter with a duel. I just wanted to make sure the readers had the basic rules covered so they wouldn't be too lost. You won't see this kind of forced explanation anywhere else in the fic.

Ponyta Lv. 8 is set in position and we get the first attack in not a Fire attack but a kick this time so as to not rely on random chance (that also costs stock). The response is to bench a Weedle and then set things up to rotate Scyther off the turn immediately, costing us cool bug screentime but also gives us the first KO in favour of “Mister”™, with Bellsprout Lv. 11 going down.

Subsequent operations have Brittany bring in a Pinsir which is no Scyther alas, but things are well set up so that “Mister”™ can keep his opponent from building up an upper hand, and while our glorious Ponyta gets PSN’d in the process, a quickie Switch fixes that.
You certainly seem to follow along well! Good to see! :eyes:

Because he’s ahead in the game! Get it? A-head? No?

And as further proof that “Mister”™ is ahead, he brings our glorious Ponyta back and proceeds to KO another opponent card in the process, making a 2-out-of 4.

Scyther comes next for the screentime wins, with a Grass Energy attached for good measure, and the paper critter nails the screentime by taking out our Glorious Ponyta!
I was pretty happy how she got a KO in there. And even better that it was from a Scyther!

Ooooh the fresh breath of actually facing some risk in life.
Yeah, with his Champion deck there really wasn't much of that at all.

Aaaaah good ol’ environmental storytelling. Was this a shōnen fight and not a TCG, this could be reparsed as our once-defeated and glorious Ponyta taking the cuffs off and bulking up for the comeback.
Yeah! Probably!

Noooo! I mean yes, but noooo!

Anyway it all means cool Ponyta screentime. Continuation of the attack however falls upon Voltorb’s task to complete and that suffices to bring Scyther down to half HP. To secure that particular win, we get to evolve the Ponyta and with increased attack, Scyther goes down by the end of the turn.
You will see Voltorb do QUITE a bit of work in the fic, honestly. Pretty crazy how a common basic mon is more effective than evolving it! :mewlulz:

But that's almost unheard of, even for the TCG. Voltorb is really something special.

famous last words.
Or ARE they??

Kudos to her, and also thematically fitting wording.

Still, in the end that’s of no help and “Mister”™ secures what I’m reading is a 4-1 win.
Indeed!

Kristin steps in next, and could have featured good Scyther and Venomoth screentime, but the rundown is offscreen and very similar to what Brittany went through, so I’m guessing it was a 4-2 at best. Dark Rapidash earned its offscreentime (I just coined that word) awesomeness here.
Hmm! I'm not sure what the count was on that one. It might have been 4-0. Grass Club really gets trashed by him.

famous questions uttered by French aristocracy.
:mewlulz:

This leaves Heather as the last opponent and she at least comes in with the attitude to make an effort for a different experience.

tcg2_heather-png.19677


Alas, it was not meant to be, and her deck goes down in flames as well, although she still has enough confidence and regain that she hopes the experience was useful as a deck test scenario, as originally intended.
In retrospect, it's kind of funny how the spotlight is mostly on Brittany instead of Heather... :mewlulz:

Oh you silly+, there are more ways to recoup that lost time besides, ahem, sliding your deck against the mother* XD.
Well hey. In the world of the TCG, sliding you deck against chicks is just how it goes! :unquag:

Aaaaanyway, that’s one test session done, and as the first team to ever lose against the new deck the Grass Club does send the wish to have everyone else get pummeled so that they are not remembered unfondly as the “only jokers to lose against the upstart”, I guess. Still, good wishes are good wishes.
Yep! :mewlulz:

And this is one way the TCG is different from the mainline games, where at least for the regualr game, level difference trumps everything else barring type immunities.
Huh. Yeah, that's true!

Yup, that look.

Not yet. But oooh is that conversation going to be interesting.
Oh, you have no idea... :eyes:

There we go then, for next review, my scoring will be 8.8/Too Much Water!
Which is funny because the Water Club is very much about being too much. :mewlulz:
All in all a good chapter with a lot of hidden (and not) promises for lore and character interaction. Seeing the “paper cutout” screentime for Ponyta and Scyther was pretty good because honestly Ponyta (Rapidash) and Scyther are really cool mons.
Glad you liked it! :veelove:

The idea of testing the new deck “ground up” and more in-the-bare, in the sense of going against cannon fodder from the get-go instead of running an experimental test against a second-tier opponent, as one would probably be inclined to do when one already has standing experience so as to “shortcircuit” the experiment, does stand as an interesting indicator that this is, so far, as much for the love of the game as is for getting back to the competitive circuit somehow. When you love the game, one of the easiest ways to share the love of the game is with beginners, after all, no matter how advanced level you are. That’s a thign that Monster Hunter multiplayer has taught me, and is a standing evidence that “Mister”™ is willing to take the time and do the actual legwork of getting his new deck well tested.
Yep! Plus when I was going through the game with the deck I had NO idea if it would really be viable!

And if he gets to enjoy it in the meantime and catch a IRL (in-universe) Doduo along the road, the better!
He won't catch one. One will catch him. :mewlulz:

But still, that fork on the road that led to the Doduo on the untaken path but to the competitive sport on the taken road does serve a nice narrative parallel to the fork in “Mister”™’s past life (and love-life), what with the questions that now emerge about the untaken path.
Well the thing about paths is that sometimes they meet more than once. :eyes:

Will we get more? Will the potential villain that would be the other pupil of Ms. Wem, that I invented in last review, learn about this recent “re-development” of longing stares and kidnap Heather and/or Nikki as bargaining chips in the Final Duel?
I can tell you one thing. It will be dramatic. :eyes:

Will “Mister”™ actually get to catch or adopt a Doduo?
In a manner of speaking... :mewlulz:

Will he have to hand-wash his suit for a couple weeks until the economy improves? (real 2026 vibes btw)
Likely.

WHO KNOWS!!! SO STAY TUNED!!
I'd love to see what someone like you thinks farther in the book and/or series. You haven't seen anything yet. :veelove:
 
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