Pokémon TCG2: Doduo Adventures - Book One: TCG Island

[rimly]

Spoiler: Chapters 6-8

Jonathan is actually a good rival. Hes skilled, hes cocky in a way that gets under mr gentlemans skin, and ken literally asks mr gentleman to beat him because jonathans gotten too strong. thats a great setup

and then jonathan DOES beat mr gentleman. twice. the first loss is pure bad luck, but the second loss feels earned- jonathan played well, mr gentleman got unlucky again but also just got outplayed plain and simple.

the wager is high stakes (mr gentleman has to sponsor jonathans ENTIRE academy education if he loses) which actually makes me care about the outcome a ton here. I dont want him to win dangit! dude sucks!!! which is really great stuff.

but then mr gentleman straight up cheats and ohh boy. he bribes stephanie to rig his gambler coinflips. and he just... does it. pays her 25% of all his winnings to fix the game, which he doesnt seem too beat up about it really, which makes me wonder if hes done this before...

and the story hasnt really addressed it yet but i assume it will later, mr gentleman justifies it ("if everyone were reasonable and dueled me I would have no need for such a severe handicap!") but thats not how morality works my guy. you made a bet, you're losing because your deck has a weakness and instead of accepting that you cheat. mr gentleman wins, feels vindicated, and moves on. So im sure this will come back later, or maybe this is a sign that our gentleman is falling down a darker path… interesting if thats so.

stephanie is... uncomfortable?

"Her age was one of the only ones that threw me for a loop. She was either eleven years old or had a petite frame being any age up to twenty-one" - why is this ambiguous if shes going to blow a kiss? why is mr gentleman considering if shed be romantic interest material if thats the case? the age ambiguity is weird, i presume its a humor bit but it didnt really land for me

gotan stuff still continues to be good. setting his own heads on fire to distract a kid from touching the flame bowls- thats both funny and shows he might actually be protective/intelligent

the pizza scene broke my heart a little. gotan wants to eat it, starts crying, dry heaving, has to bury his heads in his feathers. :( there’s something up with this bird, but i dont know what juuust yet. sleeping with both heads, seeming disappointed when rick joins permanently, maybe snickering when mr gentleman loses- either gotans smart or mr gentleman is projecting hard

the tabloid bit made me laugh

the newspaper worldbuilding is an exposition dump

just straight up "heres the newspaper let me read you three articles about UBI, doduo disappearing, and neo island immigration policy" - it stops the story dead to deliver lore

some of this matters (doduo vanishing connects to earlier hints about neo buying shipments) but i think it couldve been woven in more naturally.

aaa its getting late, but great stuff so far! I'll keep working my way through :D im curious to see where this is going to go, since I have almost no context for where this game really goes and how this functions, there's some interesting hints of whats coming up and its amusing with a very unique world concept that I havent seen in pokemon fanfic before! :D

 

[rimly]

Spoiler: Chapters 9-11

the psychic club chapter is basically a joke which is funny. everyone just forfeits because they already know theyll lose. stephanie hands him booster packs without even dueling. "We can't be the only club to cower at your all-common deck. We do have some pride" - and then they immediately forfeit anyway. murray is still trying to bend that spoon with his mind while mr gentleman knows its a trick spoon and cant bring himself to say anything. the whole thing is like two pages and its mostly setup for whats coming

the ronald match in chapter 10 timeee

this is the first time mr gentleman has been genuinely challenged since jonathan. ronald knows his deck, knows his tactics, and the back-and-forth actually matters. the first game is a quick stomp but then ronald brings out hitmonchan and wins. the tiebreaker goes down to the wire with both of them at high prize counts

"That's it. THAT'S the potential I saw in you when you first defeated me and became Champion. All this with just a deck of common cards" - ronald respecting the win feels earned because it WAS a real challenge

also them working together on the mothzapper deck concept is sweet. mr gentleman finally has a friend again (besides rick whos mostly there for feathers)

and then chapter 11 happenssss

isaac is a VILLAIN. not just an antagonist, an actual villain. he manipulates his seven year old daughter to hurt mr gentleman emotionally. the setup is sooo tasty, jennifer asking if mr gentleman will let her win so her dad will take her to the amusement park, he throws the match because shes adorable, and then isaac uses that against him

"My poor little girl... He didn't duel you seriously. He was making fun of you. Since you didn't really win I can't take you to the amusement park now"- and jennifer starts CRYING because she thinks mr gentleman was mocking her. :(

the lighting effects during the confrontation are good staging. mr gentleman cant see anything, isaacs voice is circling him, then all the spotlights blind him while isaac tears into him. isaac genuinely believes mr gentleman is trying to steal his family, or is manuplating him, or is lying, who knows! but either way they're goating him and yeah, he responds.

isaac baited him into it but mr gentleman still swung first. which means isaac can claim self-defense when he punches him in the gut and tries to kick him

this undercuts mr gentlemans moral high ground (though he did lose it when he cheated earlier). yeah isaac is manipulating everyone and using his daughter as a weapon, but mr gentleman resorted to violence first.

gotan blocking the kick is great character work though. the bird who loves pain deliberately puts himself between isaac and mr gentleman to stop the violence. "If it weren't for Gotan's known love of pain I would have suspected he was helping!" - yeah no, gotans definitely helping. this is protective behavior

the stakes are now MASSIVE. if mr gentleman loses to isaac he has to give up being Champion permanently. if isaac loses he wont defend himself in a defamation lawsuit

also isaac banned him from the lightning club which means he cant complete his all-common tour of the clubs

I wonder if later the story going to address that mr gentleman cheated his way past jonathan.

i wonder if isaac actually villainous or does he have a point? from his perspective: his former best friend was way better at tcg, made him feel inadequate, married the girl he loved, and is now using an intentionally weak deck to embarrass people. the framing says isaacs wrong but i can see his side from an angle here

 

[rimly]

Spoiler: Chapters 12-14

aaa so, so theyre both 18, both drinking, both clearly want each other, and he ALMOST says it - "Nikki... I've been thinking about you" - and then immediately panics into "I-I mean you and isaac!" like dude. DUDE. and she goes red every time he gets close to actually saying something!!!!!

then they go back to her place and keep drinking and the next morning hes waking up naked next to her and like, it is implied they did, and considering their reactions it probably did happen. him trying to steal his shirt back while shes clutching it in her sleep was cute. having to cover her with the sheet because he cant focus otherwise. kissing her forehead on the way out because "if I never had anything else with her at least for that one brief moment I could have that" and then Sir Pounce shows up and he STILL stops to pet the cat while fleeing

and like. we know from ricks drunk confession that nikki wanted him the whole time. so they had this night together (whatever it was) and he ran away and they never spoke about it and now its ten years later and shes married to isaac with two kids

fighting club was fine i guess. mitch keeps making comments about the members moms that are either completely innocent or hes a sex pest. jessica deciding to train blindfolded after losing made me laugh

rock club- gene is good, the rock garden description is pretty, matthew thinks professor oak sucks, this kid is never becoming club master

but okay the gotan thing is getting weird right? his cuts are visibly healing DURING the duels. rick says no ones ever seen a doduo die or found remains. theres a research facility on neo island. he blocked isaacs kick. he walks on his talon joints indoors to not scratch the floor

somethings going on with this bird and i dont know what yet- i wonder if its some dimensional shenanigans?

the club visits are starting to blur together a little bit? same structure every time, describe the room, duel some kids, leave. its fine but im ready for club masters now

mr gentleman cheated against jonathan and it hasnt mattered yet but it HAS to come up when hes about to bet his entire champion title against isaac right? like that feels like setup- or maybe its just a moral failing situation and moreso a hint of whats to come and im just fixating LOL

 

[Tango]

Reply To Reviews:

Thank you SO much for stopping by to review, rimly!

Alright so i went into this knowing literally nothing about the pokemon tcg gameboy games and honestly? im kind of into it. The custom art and music links are cool, ive never seen a fic do that before, and it's giving me ideas :D

That's part of why I include other elements. Trying to keep reader's interest and attention!

I've written the fic expecting the audience not to know about it, so hopefully that aspect won't be too detrimental.

Spoiler: Prologue - 2

The billy tutoring scene is very funny.

Yeah!! I knew there would be some lore to tackle early on, and humor usually helps people pay attention, so I'm glad it seemed to work on that front!

This kid is just merciless, the "i thought you were forty-five" line made me laugh, and then he keeps going with the holograms obsession and calling everything mr gentleman does lame or crummy. mr gentleman trying to maintain his dignity while dying inside is pretty funny.

Though i will say the tutoring session goes on for a while, especially once it hits the actual game mechanics explanation. i skimmed some of that part, honestly.

It does and skimming that section in particular is totally fine.

I like how committed the world is to card games solving everything. Its absurd but you just roll with it like yu-gi-oh! It's very fun.

Yeah, Yu-gi-oh seemed to be the best method for making a story about a card game. In the games, the card game is pretty much everything, so I had to do that or it just wouldn't be a TCG fic.

Mr gentleman himself is interesting as a protagonist.

So, I'm not sure how used you are to writing reviews yet, but if you are looking for ways to improve on them, this might be a good example to use. I'm glad that you find him interesting but I'm curious what things make him interesting to you. If you have further insight to provide, I'd welcome it. If not, no worries!

the dream sequence fake-out in chapter 1 worked- we see the life he wants (nikki, kids, normalcy) and then reality hits. hes 28, alone, his childhood friends married each other while he was grinding to Champion. he knows he fucked up by optimizing for achievement and losing all human connection in the process. :(

Yeah, despite his journey's end and 'having it all' he really doesn't.

The water club scene is uncomfortable in a good way.

I'm glad you added in a good way on the end lol Sometimes people make me think the chapter was a mistake, but I honestly had a lot of fun writing it and found it pretty funny.

those girls are absolutely hunting him and he has zero defense, just trying to escape by yelling about duels. poor joshua in the background being their servant. i laughed at the crocodile shovel line LOL

I certainly had a ton of fun with that chapter. The humor was all improvised too! Very little changes vs the original draft.

The main thing is the actual card game play gets really dense. like i get its a lets-play but i dont know pokemon tcg so when we hit paragraphs of turn-by-turn actions and card names my eyes kind of glaze over.

Yeah... that's fair. I've tried to make it as approachable as I could, but there is only so much I could do. It's ok if you gloss over some duel details. I won't be upset. It's not for everyone. Other reviewers do so too. Not ALL of them, but enough of them for me to take no offense from it at all.

the emotional thread disappears and it becomes mechanics. maybe this works better for people who actually play the game? for me it drags a bit to start

It's better for people who play the game. SOME reviewers are ok with it, but I've seen enough that aren't as into it. No worries on that aspect.

Also the doduo just... appears? imakuni shows up, duels, leaves, and now mr gentleman has a doduo following him home. feels like itll be important but the setup was a bit fast

That's all the setup it needed. For that part, anyway. I'll have you know I have plans for a one-shot staring Imakuni and a big part of Book Three will revolve around Doduo's prior owner!

Curious where this goes. the actual story about a lonely guy trying to find meaning after achieving everything is compelling, im just not sure how much of the 38 chapters will be card game play-by-play versus character stuff. Either way, yAHOO!

The duel details dial down at various sections. I think you will still find plenty of character stuff to stay invested. Or at least, that's my hope, anyway...

Spoiler: Chapters 3-5

Sobs, I dont know if gotans actually smart or if mr gentleman is reading too much into a bird but either way its fun!

the collars with go and tan is a nice touch. gives him history without dumping exposition. someones owned this bird before and we dont know who- and also is named after a dragon ball character, which I'm wondering means something here.

If you mean Goten, then you are wrong. Gotan is not a dragon ball character, but I also don't mind people accidentally mixing it up. It just makes it more amusing from my perspective!

the drunk scene in chapter 4 is legitimately reaaaaally good.

Yeah!! I recently edited that chapter to enhance it too! Some of my best writing, that is!

Mr gentleman finally gets the truth, nikki wanted him the WHOLE TIME. she was trying to catch up to him in tcg skills because she thought thats what he wanted. Ughh thats BRUTAL. they both wanted each other and both thought they had to achieve something first and by the time mr gentleman got there she was already married. and shes not leaving because shes "traditional" so theyre both just stuck :(

Life be like that sometimes. 😔

But yeah, I'm glad it makes for compelling drama!

"Why am I even here?! I got this Champion title that was supposed to MEAN something but I have NOTHING!" - yeah thats the whole story right there

Or at least a very large part of it.

also the comedy in that scene works. them trying to have a deep conversation while absolutely hammered, the vacuum joke ("It sucked" "The vacuum! You get it?!"), mr gentleman talking about wems sandwich like its the holy grail, and then waking up SPOONING RICK ON THE COUCH. "I made a silent vow NEVER to drink that much again!" LOL

I had a TON of fun writing that chapter. Possibly the most fun in the whole book, actually!

rick as a character adds a lot. hes got energy, hes weird about science stuff, hes nikki's brother so theres automatic tension, and now hes decided to be mr gentlemans wingman. the dynamic between them is fun- rick being obsessed with feathers while mr gentleman is having emotional crises

Everyone loves Rick. I think I have yet to find a reviewer who doesn't.

The worldbuilding keeps dropping mysteries without explaining them. neo island buying doduo shipments even though they supposedly hate them? the legendary pokemon (mew/ho-oh/lugia) being maybe real? The weird cylindrical things in the science club that kid-mr-gentleman thought turned people into doduo? the rainbow palace with anti-gravity? this is certainly coming up in the future, but the curiosities grow ever more...

Deep. Deeper. And Deeper still. But the most interesting mysteries are yet to come.

Gotan reacting to rick is interesting. the bird seems scared of him, then happy when rick yanks feathers out, then maybe disappointed when rick joins them permanently?

I love how you pick up on all these nuances!

The card duels are still the same issue as before (dense play-by-play) but the outcomes are getting more interesting. the turn-2 win against david where he barely got to play? that actually matters because it shows how brutal the deck can be with good draws. and gotan taking damage from the doduo card and LOVING it while showering feathers everywhere is a fun visual

Glad the duel aspect is getting a little better for you. It should continue to get better as it goes too. Maybe you will even pick up on more of it as you go?

The wem subplot keeps coming up and it feels like shes gonna come back into the story eventually...

You seem well versed in the concept of conservation of detail...

these three chapters moved the plot forward and did real character work. the ratio of story-to-card-game is better here too!

The fic is a bit front-loaded on TCG stuff because I didn't want readers drifting along through the duels aimlessly so I tried to do a bit of hand-holding with them.

Curious how the fire club visit goes since thats where mr gentleman was a member :D

And ANOTHER nuance you remembered! Very nice!

Spoiler: Chapters 6-8

Jonathan is actually a good rival. Hes skilled, hes cocky in a way that gets under mr gentlemans skin, and ken literally asks mr gentleman to beat him because jonathans gotten too strong. thats a great setup

A temporary rival, but a good one. And totally random too! When I lost to him in the original lets-play I was starting to think the whole thing was a bust!

and then jonathan DOES beat mr gentleman. twice. the first loss is pure bad luck, but the second loss feels earned- jonathan played well, mr gentleman got unlucky again but also just got outplayed plain and simple.

Have I mentioned I hate cards that require coin-flips?

the wager is high stakes (mr gentleman has to sponsor jonathans ENTIRE academy education if he loses) which actually makes me care about the outcome a ton here. I dont want him to win dangit! dude sucks!!! which is really great stuff.

Yes, the first of a high-stakes game.

but then mr gentleman straight up cheats and ohh boy. he bribes stephanie to rig his gambler coinflips. and he just... does it. pays her 25% of all his winnings to fix the game, which he doesnt seem too beat up about it really, which makes me wonder if hes done this before...

The teleporter has a subscription to work. He reasoned 'Gambler' should too. Now, I will say that I do get some flak for this plot point, but I have my reasons for keeping it included. I can't wait for you to see what that is eventually...

and the story hasnt really addressed it yet but i assume it will later, mr gentleman justifies it ("if everyone were reasonable and dueled me I would have no need for such a severe handicap!") but thats not how morality works my guy. you made a bet, you're losing because your deck has a weakness and instead of accepting that you cheat. mr gentleman wins, feels vindicated, and moves on. So im sure this will come back later, or maybe this is a sign that our gentleman is falling down a darker path… interesting if thats so.

So, I will say it's not an indication of him falling down a darker path, but yes, your critique here is valid. Even so, I have reasons for keeping it.

stephanie is... uncomfortable?

"Her age was one of the only ones that threw me for a loop. She was either eleven years old or had a petite frame being any age up to twenty-one" - why is this ambiguous if shes going to blow a kiss? why is mr gentleman considering if shed be romantic interest material if thats the case? the age ambiguity is weird, i presume its a humor bit but it didnt really land for me

This was a brand new section.(Haven't even got K_S's input on it yet) I did not originally have her blow a kiss or have him react to the kiss. My current head-canon is that she is, in fact, 11 and finds it amusing to mess with men like that(She has no interest in any actual dating or romance outside of her age group). She gets away with it because her foresight always helps her avoid any real trouble. Her age being ambiguous was in a different chapter originally and I think the humor may have landed better in that scene than in this one?

But if a girl blows a kiss at a guy (especially if the guy is lonely), why wouldn't he consider that she was displaying potential romantic interest for him? Or at the very least, why would it be a stretch to think a guy might?

The vibe I was trying to go for here is that Stephanie grew up too fast and gets into all kinds of trouble without suffering the consequences for her behavior.(which leads to more bad behavior) Now, you might consider a child working to be odd, but I figure she faked her job application or something. Certainly would not be something she would be above doing.

I appreciate the concrit here. If you have more to say on it, your opinion is welcome.

gotan stuff still continues to be good. setting his own heads on fire to distract a kid from touching the flame bowls- thats both funny and shows he might actually be protective/intelligent

Glad it landed well!

the pizza scene broke my heart a little. gotan wants to eat it, starts crying, dry heaving, has to bury his heads in his feathers. :(

Yep. No matter what else, Gotan wasn't able to have the pizza he wanted.

there’s something up with this bird, but i dont know what juuust yet. sleeping with both heads, seeming disappointed when rick joins permanently, maybe snickering when mr gentleman loses- either gotans smart or mr gentleman is projecting hard

I will say, I don't have many readers that consider the potential for the narrator being unreliable. I love how there are multiple ways readers can use to theory-craft!

the tabloid bit made me laugh

Excellent.

the newspaper worldbuilding is an exposition dump

just straight up "heres the newspaper let me read you three articles about UBI, doduo disappearing, and neo island immigration policy" - it stops the story dead to deliver lore

Oof! At least they were short articles?

Though, I suppose I could try to add stuff from the environment inbetween the stuff in the articles... I haven't seen anyone else mention it as a problem though. I'll keep in mind that you brought it up. I may look at revising if I get more complaints on it.

some of this matters (doduo vanishing connects to earlier hints about neo buying shipments) but i think it couldve been woven in more naturally.

I suppose? Let me have my lore darnit! youdontknowhowmuchloreivereallyhaditwaswaaaaaaybiggerthanthatbefore!

aaa its getting late, but great stuff so far! I'll keep working my way through :D im curious to see where this is going to go, since I have almost no context for where this game really goes and how this functions, there's some interesting hints of whats coming up and its amusing with a very unique world concept that I havent seen in pokemon fanfic before! :D

Yep! And I doubt you will ever see anything else quite like it. In fact, I figure the entire internet for all of mankind might not!

Spoiler: Chapters 9-11

the psychic club chapter is basically a joke which is funny. everyone just forfeits because they already know theyll lose. stephanie hands him booster packs without even dueling. "We can't be the only club to cower at your all-common deck. We do have some pride" - and then they immediately forfeit anyway. murray is still trying to bend that spoon with his mind while mr gentleman knows its a trick spoon and cant bring himself to say anything. the whole thing is like two pages and its mostly setup for whats coming

Yeah, I was pretty amused at it too. The idea of them forfeiting! I enjoy a good funny chapter every now and then.

the ronald match in chapter 10 timeee

this is the first time mr gentleman has been genuinely challenged since jonathan. ronald knows his deck, knows his tactics, and the back-and-forth actually matters. the first game is a quick stomp but then ronald brings out hitmonchan and wins. the tiebreaker goes down to the wire with both of them at high prize counts

"That's it. THAT'S the potential I saw in you when you first defeated me and became Champion. All this with just a deck of common cards" - ronald respecting the win feels earned because it WAS a real challenge

Did you just enjoy a DUEL??

also them working together on the mothzapper deck concept is sweet. mr gentleman finally has a friend again (besides rick whos mostly there for feathers)

and then chapter 11 happenssss

isaac is a VILLAIN. not just an antagonist, an actual villain.

Yeessssss!!!

he manipulates his seven year old daughter to hurt mr gentleman emotionally. the setup is sooo tasty,

Chapter 11 is a major turning point. Just like a chapter 11 bankruptcy!

jennifer asking if mr gentleman will let her win so her dad will take her to the amusement park, he throws the match because shes adorable, and then isaac uses that against him

Yes. Yes he does.

"My poor little girl... He didn't duel you seriously. He was making fun of you. Since you didn't really win I can't take you to the amusement park now"- and jennifer starts CRYING because she thinks mr gentleman was mocking her. :(

It was quite the reversal and one I'm quite proud of. (Even though that feels odd to say lol )

the lighting effects during the confrontation are good staging. mr gentleman cant see anything, isaacs voice is circling him, then all the spotlights blind him while isaac tears into him. isaac genuinely believes mr gentleman is trying to steal his family, or is manuplating him, or is lying, who knows! but either way they're goating him and yeah, he responds.

isaac baited him into it but mr gentleman still swung first. which means isaac can claim self-defense when he punches him in the gut and tries to kick him

this undercuts mr gentlemans moral high ground (though he did lose it when he cheated earlier)

Fair on the cheating aspect.

. yeah isaac is manipulating everyone and using his daughter as a weapon, but mr gentleman resorted to violence first.

gotan blocking the kick is great character work though. the bird who loves pain deliberately puts himself between isaac and mr gentleman to stop the violence. "If it weren't for Gotan's known love of pain I would have suspected he was helping!" - yeah no, gotans definitely helping. this is protective behavior

the stakes are now MASSIVE. if mr gentleman loses to isaac he has to give up being Champion permanently. if isaac loses he wont defend himself in a defamation lawsuit

Correct!

also isaac banned him from the lightning club which means he cant complete his all-common tour of the clubs

Well, the only one in the lighting club he didn't duel was Isaac. So he CAN still complete it since he is permitted a match with Isaac later.

I wonder if later the story going to address that mr gentleman cheated his way past jonathan.

So... I'll answer this as a 'sort of'.

The meta answer is that I did not play the game with any cheats. That means that even though he may look like he is cheating, the results are not from cheating. That doesn't address the fact that he THINKS he is cheating, though so if you have some beef with that, it's valid.

i wonder if isaac actually villainous or does he have a point? from his perspective: his former best friend was way better at tcg, made him feel inadequate, married the girl he loved, and is now using an intentionally weak deck to embarrass people. the framing says isaacs wrong but i can see his side from an angle here

Ooo! I LOVE the way you analyze things!

I think you will be quite interested in later chapters...

Spoiler: Chapters 12-14

aaa so, so theyre both 18, both drinking, both clearly want each other, and he ALMOST says it - "Nikki... I've been thinking about you" - and then immediately panics into "I-I mean you and isaac!" like dude. DUDE. and she goes red every time he gets close to actually saying something!!!!!

So close. So FREAKING close!!!

then they go back to her place and keep drinking and the next morning hes waking up naked next to her and like, it is implied they did, and considering their reactions it probably did happen.

It's a real possibility.

him trying to steal his shirt back while shes clutching it in her sleep was cute.

🥰

having to cover her with the sheet because he cant focus otherwise. kissing her forehead on the way out because "if I never had anything else with her at least for that one brief moment I could have that" and then Sir Pounce shows up and he STILL stops to pet the cat while fleeing

Such a seemingly random detail, but I enjoy cats.

and like. we know from ricks drunk confession that nikki wanted him the whole time. so they had this night together (whatever it was) and he ran away and they never spoke about it and now its ten years later and shes married to isaac with two kids

Heavy stuff.

fighting club was fine i guess. mitch keeps making comments about the members moms that are either completely innocent or hes a sex pest. jessica deciding to train blindfolded after losing made me laugh

Fighting club was certainly on the weaker side as far as chapters go, but I'm glad it was still able to entertain.

rock club- gene is good, the rock garden description is pretty, matthew thinks professor oak sucks, this kid is never becoming club master

but okay the gotan thing is getting weird right? his cuts are visibly healing DURING the duels. rick says no ones ever seen a doduo die or found remains. theres a research facility on neo island. he blocked isaacs kick. he walks on his talon joints indoors to not scratch the floor

The evidence mounts. But what does it point to?

somethings going on with this bird and i dont know what yet- i wonder if its some dimensional shenanigans?

the club visits are starting to blur together a little bit? same structure every time, describe the room, duel some kids, leave. its fine but im ready for club masters now

Good because it's time for the club masters now.

But the structure of the club visits is what it is. I'm operating on a lets-play skeleton here.

mr gentleman cheated against jonathan and it hasnt mattered yet but it HAS to come up when hes about to bet his entire champion title against isaac right?

Let's just say, you've only seen the HALF of it...

like that feels like setup- or maybe its just a moral failing situation and moreso a hint of whats to come and im just fixating LOL

Oh there is definitely more to it. You will soon find out more.

This has been amazing! Please feel free to reply to my reply within the fic. I don't care if it adds more posts to the fic. I just enjoy the interactions. (Assuming you are open to that. Totally fine if not.)

 

[rimly]

Spoiler: Reply to Tango

okay so first off: thanks for clarifying the stephanie thing, that makes more sense if shes supposed to be a kid whos getting into trouble she shouldnt be in because psychic powers let her avoid consequences. still a bit weird but i get what youre going for now

"Did you just enjoy a DUEL??" - yeah! i enjoy yu gi oh, so i enjoy duels the earlier ones i think just didnt have enough stakes for me really. the ronald match was genuinely tense and i cared about the outcome. i think it works because ronald KNOWS mr gentlemans deck and is actively countering it, so its not just turn-by-turn mechanics

the cheating thing - the meta answer is interesting. mr gentleman THINKS hes cheating by bribing stephanie, but the actual coinflips in your lets-play werent rigged, so... is stephanie actually doing anything? or is she just taking his money and letting him think shes helping? because that would be hilarious and also fit her character (psychic, sees the future, knows shell get paid either way)

"you've only seen the HALF of it" - so its definitely coming back. good. i was worried it was just gonna be a moral failing that never got addressed

gene being universally good is nice to hear. the rock garden description genuinely worked for me

and yeah the gotan evidence is piling up - healing factor, no one finding doduo remains, protective behavior, neo island research facility. im very curious where this goes because it feels like hes not just a normal doduo

gonna keep reading! this is fun

onto the next chapters!

Spoiler: Chapters 15-17

WAIT THEYRE CLONES???

okay so rick and mr gentleman spend a whole chapter figuring out that neo island immigrants are all identical, get dna samples, test them, and discover theyre literally clones. male clones all have identical dna, female clones all have identical dna. and none of them can play pokemon tcg no matter how many times you explain the rules

and then they panic about shadow government conspiracies and vow never to tell anyone because "everyone who figured this out must have been silenced"

i have no idea if this is real lore or if theyre being paranoid idiots but either way its wild

also "we can test this theory" followed by them just... asking random immigrants for hair samples "for science" made me laugh

to the next chap!

rick being mr gentlemans "anti-wingman" against amy is very funny.

he shows up, talks in a deliberately nasally voice, breathes heavily, makes creepy faces, wiggles his fingers at her, and amy CANNOT HANDLE IT. she forfeits the duel just to get away from him

"Please get that creature out of here!" "What? The doduo?" "NO! Not Doduo! I mean your cringe hired-hand Rick!"

amy running barefoot out of the club in a panic because rick wont stop being weird at her - perfection. she even forgets her deck (hey free cards)

and then the casual duel with rick where mr gentleman realizes: if hes good enough to beat everyone with commons, he overtrained. he couldve spent that time with nikki before she married isaac

to the next one and oh my god im an idiot.
WAIT HIS NAME IS TANGO NOT GOTAN

I SHOULDVE CAUGHT THAT. the collars say "go" and "tan" but you read them BACKWARDS so its "tan" and "go" = TANGO i mean literally thats your username LMAO

and tango REACTS. his eyes go wide when murray says theres more to him. mr gentleman thinks he sees tango sigh in relief which!! hey it isnt in his head :)

so yeah tango is definitely not a normal doduo and murray's psychic powers picked up on it. the mystery is building and im very curious what this birds deal actually is

also murray rage-quitting on the spoon and just bending it with his hands made me laugh.

the mr mime preventing weakness/resistance in murrays deck is actually interesting strategy - it nerfs mr gentlemans main gimmick (weakness conversion)

kens deck mixing fire/normal/fighting/water is fun. he was SO focused on mono-fire and now hes branching out

overall these chapters are good. the clone conspiracy is bonkers, the amy sequence is hilarious, and the tango reveal feels earned sobs i feel so stupid for missing it but it makes sense

Spoiler: Chapters 18-20

okay so mitch WASNT being a creep, all the double meanings really were innocent - the rack was for katana display, the padding was for the floor, dealing with jessicas mom was about explaining bruises from shadowboxing. mr gentleman can finally relax about that lol

gene giving actual good advice about the isaac situation surprised me. "dont let isaac know you wont sue him. your anger could shake nikkis confidence in his side of the story" - thats smart. use isaacs guilt against him

rick saying "we cant afford to fight fairly against isaac" after telling mr gentleman hes not in the wrong means a lot coming from nikkis brother. hes choosing mr gentleman over his brother-in-law

tango creating perfect rock garden rings around the stones made me pause. mr gentleman tries to dismiss it as coincidence but like... the bird UNDERSTANDS AESTHETICS? or at least rock garden design principles? what- this bird is like a human I think or something

wait STEPHANIE SAID WHAT?? so somethings about to happen to mr gentleman and stephanie KNOWS because shes psychic and she almost warned him but caught herself

and then GR2 shows up asking to "interview" him for a magazine except the whole thing is INCREDIBLY SKETCHY. mysterious bodysuit, voice modulator, meets him in an alley, gets yanked up by rope after getting all the info. thats not a journalist at alll bud

tango diving into the trashcan the SECOND gr2 appears and staying hidden until theyre gone - yeah that bird knew something was wrong

mr gentleman just... gave gr2 all his information about his deck and schedule because he thought it was for a magazine. my guy you just told a suspicious stranger in an alley everything they need to know to counter your strategy

time to chapter 20!

ISAAC POV?? Oh hellyeah, we finally see inside his head and its DARK

okay waht, he orchestrated the entire "everyone refuse to duel mr gentleman" campaign to force him into poverty and obscurity

he knows nikki says mr gentlemans name in her sleep and it ENRAGES him. "Every time I heard her mutter his name in my sleep my anger boiled"

he PAID STEPHANIE to write the tabloid about mr gentleman

he PAID STEPHANIE to rig gambler coinflips AGAINST mr gentleman (wait so stephanie was taking money from BOTH of them? she told mr gentleman she was rigging FOR him but isaac paid her to rig AGAINST him? or is she just taking money from both and doing nothing?)

and the big one: HE HIRED GR2. "With our Champion gone he would eventually fade from the public eye"

isaac paid someone to KIDNAP OR KILL mr gentleman. "GR2 was a true professional. They even performed a mock-kidnapping on me as a demonstration"

this is an assassination plot. isaac is trying to have mr gentleman disappeared like god damn-- how much money does this guy have lmaO

and the photo of heather and jennifer walking to school together IS really cute which makes the whole chapter even darker because isaac genuinely loves his kids but is also a villain willing to murder someone

the tragedy is i can KIND of see isaacs perspective? his wife dreams about another man every night, that man is celebrated constantly by society, and isaac feels like he stole everything from him. but hiring an assassin is uh, yeah buddy, you're coco for cocopuffs.

also if stephanie is taking money from both isaac (to rig against) and mr gentleman (to rig for)... is she doing anything at all? or just pocketing both payments and letting the coinflips be random? huh

 

[Tango]

Reply to reply and replies to the reviews for the next chapters!

Spoiler: Reply to Tango

okay so first off: thanks for clarifying the stephanie thing, that makes more sense if shes supposed to be a kid whos getting into trouble she shouldnt be in because psychic powers let her avoid consequences. still a bit weird but i get what youre going for now

"Did you just enjoy a DUEL??" - yeah! i enjoy yu gi oh, so i enjoy duels the earlier ones i think just didnt have enough stakes for me really. the ronald match was genuinely tense and i cared about the outcome. i think it works because ronald KNOWS mr gentlemans deck and is actively countering it, so its not just turn-by-turn mechanics

the cheating thing - the meta answer is interesting. mr gentleman THINKS hes cheating by bribing stephanie, but the actual coinflips in your lets-play werent rigged, so... is stephanie actually doing anything? or is she just taking his money and letting him think shes helping? because that would be hilarious and also fit her character (psychic, sees the future, knows shell get paid either way)

"you've only seen the HALF of it" - so its definitely coming back. good. i was worried it was just gonna be a moral failing that never got addressed

gene being universally good is nice to hear. the rock garden description genuinely worked for me

I thought the rock garden was pretty cool too! Glad you liked it!

and yeah the gotan evidence is piling up - healing factor, no one finding doduo remains, protective behavior, neo island research facility. im very curious where this goes because it feels like hes not just a normal doduo

What do you mean? He is perfectly normal and there is nothing weird about Doduo's in general. Just some common mon.

gonna keep reading! this is fun

I'm genuinely happy to hear that!

From here things only get crazier too!

onto the next chapters!

Have I mentioned how utterly amazing the speed in which you read and review things is?

Spoiler: Chapters 15-17

WAIT THEYRE CLONES???

Indeed.

okay so rick and mr gentleman spend a whole chapter figuring out that neo island immigrants are all identical, get dna samples, test them, and discover theyre literally clones. male clones all have identical dna, female clones all have identical dna. and none of them can play pokemon tcg no matter how many times you explain the rules

and then they panic about shadow government conspiracies and vow never to tell anyone because "everyone who figured this out must have been silenced"

i have no idea if this is real lore or if theyre being paranoid idiots but either way its wild

Oh, so you question the lore at face value? Clever...

also "we can test this theory" followed by them just... asking random immigrants for hair samples "for science" made me laugh

I love injecting humor where it works.

to the next chap!

rick being mr gentlemans "anti-wingman" against amy is very funny.

I love how it goes so differently than the first time he meets Amy in the fic too.

he shows up, talks in a deliberately nasally voice, breathes heavily, makes creepy faces, wiggles his fingers at her, and amy CANNOT HANDLE IT. she forfeits the duel just to get away from him

"Please get that creature out of here!" "What? The doduo?" "NO! Not Doduo! I mean your cringe hired-hand Rick!"

amy running barefoot out of the club in a panic because rick wont stop being weird at her - perfection. she even forgets her deck (hey free cards)

I'm glad the humor in the fic seems to land with you! It makes me laugh to see people laugh!

and then the casual duel with rick where mr gentleman realizes: if hes good enough to beat everyone with commons, he overtrained. he couldve spent that time with nikki before she married isaac

And maybe he could have even dated and married her? His life would be his dreams...

to the next one and oh my god im an idiot.
WAIT HIS NAME IS TANGO NOT GOTAN

YES!!

What makes me laugh harder than anything else is when I have obvious stuff that people MISS and then I get to see their reactions when they finally learn the truth!

I SHOULDVE CAUGHT THAT. the collars say "go" and "tan" but you read them BACKWARDS so its "tan" and "go" = TANGO i mean literally thats your username LMAO

and tango REACTS. his eyes go wide when murray says theres more to him. mr gentleman thinks he sees tango sigh in relief which!! hey it isnt in his head :)

so yeah tango is definitely not a normal doduo and murray's psychic powers picked up on it. the mystery is building and im very curious what this birds deal actually is

Buckle up. You're in for a wild ride. But it's a long way to the top...

also murray rage-quitting on the spoon and just bending it with his hands made me laugh.

the mr mime preventing weakness/resistance in murrays deck is actually interesting strategy - it nerfs mr gentlemans main gimmick (weakness conversion)

That does seem to be a big part of it, yeah.

kens deck mixing fire/normal/fighting/water is fun. he was SO focused on mono-fire and now hes branching out

I was shocked when I saw his decklist. I was like WAIT this guy as mostly NOT FIRE in his deck and he is the FIRE CLUB MASTER??! Whaaaaaat?? So, of course I had to have something in the narrative reflect it.

overall these chapters are good. the clone conspiracy is bonkers, the amy sequence is hilarious,

Yep. You are in the best section of the book now according to other readers and my own opinion as well!

and the tango reveal feels earned sobs i feel so stupid for missing it but it makes sense

That's the great thing about mysteries. It's amusing when people figure out the simple ones, hilarious when they don't and the harder mysteries are cool to see people speculate on and mega impressive if people figure stuff out!

Spoiler: Chapters 18-20

okay so mitch WASNT being a creep, all the double meanings really were innocent - the rack was for katana display, the padding was for the floor, dealing with jessicas mom was about explaining bruises from shadowboxing. mr gentleman can finally relax about that lol

When he shows up again later I'm going to keep having him say things that get taken waaaay wrong. Except in the future it will just be funny because readers will know there isn't anything to it yet be amazed at how he constantly innocently sounds like it!

gene giving actual good advice about the isaac situation surprised me. "dont let isaac know you wont sue him. your anger could shake nikkis confidence in his side of the story" - thats smart. use isaacs guilt against him

I wanted him to be a wise father-figure kind of guy. One of the better supporting characters, I think.

rick saying "we cant afford to fight fairly against isaac" after telling mr gentleman hes not in the wrong means a lot coming from nikkis brother. hes choosing mr gentleman over his brother-in-law

Everybody loves Rick.

tango creating perfect rock garden rings around the stones made me pause. mr gentleman tries to dismiss it as coincidence but like... the bird UNDERSTANDS AESTHETICS? or at least rock garden design principles? what- this bird is like a human I think or something

I love getting more bold with the hints as stuff goes!

wait STEPHANIE SAID WHAT?? so somethings about to happen to mr gentleman and stephanie KNOWS because shes psychic and she almost warned him but caught herself

Correct.

But the question is: what did she see?

and then GR2 shows up asking to "interview" him for a magazine except the whole thing is INCREDIBLY SKETCHY. mysterious bodysuit, voice modulator, meets him in an alley, gets yanked up by rope after getting all the info. thats not a journalist at alll bud

tango diving into the trashcan the SECOND gr2 appears and staying hidden until theyre gone - yeah that bird knew something was wrong

What do you mean? Tango just wanted to eat some garbage! duh!

mr gentleman just... gave gr2 all his information about his deck and schedule because he thought it was for a magazine. my guy you just told a suspicious stranger in an alley everything they need to know to counter your strategy

No way GR2 would do something so nefarious. They are such a wholesome person!

time to chapter 20!

ISAAC POV?? Oh hellyeah, we finally see inside his head and its DARK

Readers seem to appreciate the guest-star POVs in the fic. I enjoy them too. There will be more of those in the series.

okay waht, he orchestrated the entire "everyone refuse to duel mr gentleman" campaign to force him into poverty and obscurity

Yep, but it didn't work so he had to get dirtier with it.

he knows nikki says mr gentlemans name in her sleep and it ENRAGES him. "Every time I heard her mutter his name in my sleep my anger boiled"

He has quite a number of demons.

he PAID STEPHANIE to write the tabloid about mr gentleman

Yep! I couldn't resist tying it together with stuff. Stephanie is perfect for off-loading all the shady (but not quite evil) stuff on.

he PAID STEPHANIE to rig gambler coinflips AGAINST mr gentleman (wait so stephanie was taking money from BOTH of them? she told mr gentleman she was rigging FOR him but isaac paid her to rig AGAINST him? or is she just taking money from both and doing nothing?)

This one I'll outright answer because it's funnier that way. She is taking money from both and getting paid to do absolutely nothing.

and the big one: HE HIRED GR2. "With our Champion gone he would eventually fade from the public eye"

You are correct that this is the big one. 💀

isaac paid someone to KIDNAP OR KILL mr gentleman. "GR2 was a true professional. They even performed a mock-kidnapping on me as a demonstration"

this is an assassination plot. isaac is trying to have mr gentleman disappeared like god damn-- how much money does this guy have lmaO

How much money? Pretty much none now. You should ask GR2 how much money THEY have!

and the photo of heather and jennifer walking to school together IS really cute which makes the whole chapter even darker because isaac genuinely loves his kids but is also a villain willing to murder someone

I thought the contrast worked nicely there too.

the tragedy is i can KIND of see isaacs perspective? his wife dreams about another man every night, that man is celebrated constantly by society, and isaac feels like he stole everything from him.

Excellent. I wanted people to be able to sympathize with him a little. Helps build the drama more!

but hiring an assassin is uh, yeah buddy, you're coco for cocopuffs.

He definitely has problems!

also if stephanie is taking money from both isaac (to rig against) and mr gentleman (to rig for)... is she doing anything at all? or just pocketing both payments and letting the coinflips be random? huh

That's why I said "you only know the HALF of it"

Holy cow these reviews are SO FUN! Stuff like this is why I try so hard in writing.