Hello! Finally getting around to reviewing this! I've been meaning to for quite a many weeks now.
So, I don't have any critique, just a lot of flavor and plot thoughts and temperature reads I'll give. I'll cover chapters 1-6 for now. I'll go chapter by chapter and give some summary thoughts too.
I've tried to read this like 3 separate times probably, but this time it finally kind of stuck. A big struggle for me sometimes is 2nd person as a whole, but that's purely subjective. My brain has to take a lot of time to adjust to second person writing. I think I sometimes find it hard to follow, and due to the already mysterious nature of this premise it really made it a little hard to get into for me (again, subjective).
I will say that the few times I read the 1st chapter, I did just feel very perplexed and confused. Not due to poor writing, it seems to be the intentional nature of this story that it's a bit of a mystery that's being unveiled and unraveled as it progresses. But I just struggled to get into the story or understanding the why of what was happening (and some of the what). I eventually realized this was a pokemorph sort of story about a shapeshifter child, the product of some experiment (probably by TR) but I didn't really know
what this story was doing. Honestly it was the summary here on TR that made it clearer.
Going back and rereading it
again to review and stuff definitely made it easier. Once I got into the swing of things with 2nd person and adapting to it, I found myself drawn in, despite my hesitation. I can't say that there would be any way to communicate things easier. Obviously you can't change tense, 2nd person is intentional, and the mystery is intentional. This might come down to flavor and subjectivity at the end of the day.
On a purely personal level I gripe at fics where it feels 'nebulous' or mysterious, since it just frustrates me and makes me feel like like I'm out of the loop (especially when the 'PoV' seems to know exactly what they want.
But I also think it works to good effect here in some ways, especially due to the unusual nature of this tale. Identity theft, murder, violence, and fighting (presumably) TR or evil scientists?
The opening chapter seems to cover The Child as he watches this trainer die, Nicholas Garret, then takes a pokeball from him, and his identity. The Pokedexes in this world are clearly advanced, and seem to record just about everything, kind of like that 'journal' function from like... DP games? That's cool. They're serious pieces of hardware.
And for various reasons The Child is accompanied by a mysterious Absol who is in charge of Fate. I wonder if every Absol is connected to fates, or just this one?
The prose here was pretty cool, and there's a lot of tasty lines!
Chapter 2
So, chapter 2 gives us a little more context and develops this strangely unveiling plot further. The Child was after seemingly a specific pokeball. Titan, a Charizard. They also have a a Raticate names Rats. Clever names only here!
There's a heck of a lot I loved about this chapter, namely being the fight between Child and Titan, and the way its so well described, even though its very short. I could visualize the building tension and Titan's distress really well.
Also, I get the impression I guess that? Titan belonged to someone else previously, as did... the Child? Like the Child had an identity before all this, I guess. And Titan was their pokemon, along with Rats, I guess. All of it was very confusing because if Titan really knew the Child formerly, why didn't the child just show themselves or explain who they are? And Charizard seems to be skirting around the fact...
And Titan made a promise previously to help the Child, who is trying to rescue Mew. HMM
Chapter 3
In chapter 3 we get a glimpse of Child doing what appears to be their normal routine. They go Fuchsia sometimes, hang out at the pokemon centers, and chill while reading the newspaper. I loved the prose and way you weave worldbuilding small plot details through Child's perspective while allowing the reader to understand a little more about whats going on.
Namely, the Child is trying to acclimate and get better at passing as being human, while also keeping an eye on people.
We also see Leonard Kerrigan, who I refuse to see in my brain as anyone other than a very sad Looker, idk. Thats just how I see him in my head. And a little insight into how the Pokedex and recording system works. And that leonard is clearly doing Fine and not having a bad time at all.
I liked the little insights into the childs character, like how they seem to callously regard death, and don't seem overly concerned with the trouble they have caused. Really liked the little analogies of how Child views it as putting on an elaborate play, like setting a scene, talking just right, and doing all the motions of being 'human' just so.
Also, Titan is super chill here. I guess he accepted things.
Chapter 4
My gosh what a chapter, heh. The beginning of this was horrifying in a way, but funny. The Child lives up to their name here. They get panicked and throw a fit upon losing their Pokedex, but it seems understandable, since the Pokedex is like, everything tied to a trainer's identity. But also, the Child is just some poor kid(?) that freaks out, since for them the Pokedex is like a soul to them. Interesting comparisons. My guess here is the child copes with their loss of identity by highly valuing the identities of the people they steal.
Then the chapter progresses to Child discussing with Absol about their plans and desire to go after Leonard. They blame Leonard and his machinations for the loss of their Pokémon it seems. I guess that Child had a team before, and they were seemingly taken away and put in league storage (harsh?).
Also, Child had a little munchy munchy of a human. Just a bite, as a treat. No biggie.
And Child got back one of its pokemon, a Pokemon named Thunderstorm. We finally get a bigger picture scope of the plot, and that it seems to be Child's goal to get its old team back?
This child is a real gremlin.
Chapter 5
In chapter 5, the Child takes the form of Matt Kerrigan and nothing goes wrong, and everything is Fine.
Anyways, all that said, this chapter was very nice. It was tense, sad, yet eerie all the same. From the Child's perspective this is just What Needs to be Done. Yet as a reader we also contemplate how terrible and sad it must have been for poor Leonard to see something wearing the face of son. To believe for a moment his son was really back, yet slowly come to realize he was not. oof. bad Child!
The slowly escalating tension as Leo goes from being overjoyed to clearly suspecting something is wrong, then finally outright calling him out. The Child trying is best to appear normal but then talking in a way no human really talks is amusing in a way. Also, despite it being established that the Child can make themself look and smell and sort of talk like a person, it seems Pokemon can always see through them.
Intriguing....
I'm rolling with the theory for now that Pokemon can passively sense aura (which I've always thought) which is how Ash can recognize an imposter pikachu or pokemon can sense their trainers I think. This is why Titan knew he wasn't Nick, and Persian also knew he wasn't Matt.
Anyways the end of this was great, with Child getting all creepy on poor Leonard.
I feel bad for Leonard here though, and Child is such gremlin, but I am also fascinated by them.
And then we cap the chapter on Absol's fascinating description of Fate and the reveal of what the true overarching plot here seems.
The Child needs to get the badges and get to the Indigo Plateau to see a particular trainer. In light of chapter 6, is it perhaps the champion? Lance or something.... HMMM
Chapter 6
NOW things are really moving! We meet the Great Nathaniel Morgan who I am Sure will not be showing up again, definitely nothing to see there.
I really have to say again how much I enjoy the prose, and how there's little glimpses of the pokemon world woven into dialogue, narration and such. They offered wonderful little peeks into your takes on the Pokémon world, which I am enjoying so far.
The Child follows Duskull to some Team Rocket members who are apparently about to off one of their own. Their plan was to agitate some Mankey's and get them to do half the dirty work, and then finish the job. Oof! Then the Child creates quite the distraction and snatches the pokedex only to be unceremoniously stopped by Absol. Once again because of something with 'fate'. Very interesting.
I also dig all the various descriptions of moves and pokemon biology, like how soft-boiled worked, or Rain Dance or other moves. It also seems like the Child absorbs certain traits of pokemon they morph? They seemed to enjoy lazing around in the sun as a Grovyle. Intriguing.
I'll move to some line-by-lines
I remember too that it did not stay your hand."
I loved this line. Very telling. I guess also the Child was kept at the labs then? Anyways, showing that the Child seemed to realize that the scientist guy was scared but it wasn't enough to stop him from doing something terrible. Nice. Love the phrasing.
I'll take your name and I'll take your face and I'll take your pokémon"--the one that is mine, the one that was stolen from me
So yeah, after reading up to 6 I guess the Child was previously a trainer and was experiemented on or something and died, then lost his pokemon?
It seems they were given to other trainers.
The child sits perched on the edge a moment longer, readying scales and gills and webbing.
This is a swampert and I refuse to believe otherwise (pls tell me this is a swampert).
"I thought you said we were going to Cinnabar,"
But Nicholas was in
Seafoam.
That's kind of sus!! Did Nick lie to his pokemon, or was he going to go to Cinnabar after Seafoam? Hm.
"Why are you calling me that?" The charizard tucks his wings in close and stares at the beach around you like he's expecting someone else to be there. "I don't like that name."
Huh! So Nick would call him Titan, but he never liked that name. Makes me wonder if Nick called him that anyway? But he talks almost like... If he asked
why 'Nick' called him that then maybe Nick doesn't? Hm.
"That's right," Rats says. "Been a long time, hasn't it, big g--whoah
Ah so Rats and Titan were on the team together too....
"I just told you. I look like him because I am him, now. He does not need his life anymore. Now it is mine. And now I am your trainer again.
Again.
So why doesn't he tell Titan who he used to be I wonder? And I'm very curious about who Child once was. And the way he very much convinces himself he
is that person.
"You remember me, do you not? You remember the promise you made with us. Rats was there, too. And War and Thunderstorm. You know all of them."
Fascinating... Rats, Thunderstorm and War... HMM I see a pattern.
I wanted to settle this like a human. But if you will not listen to me, we can settle this like pokémon instead.
This line has to actually be my absolute favorite from this chapter. It says so much about pokemon vs human culture, and how differently they approach things. I've always thought battling is culturally significant to pokemon and their lifestyles, so seeing it makes me pleased.
A glittering barrier hangs in the air in front of you, brilliant streamers of light peeling away from its surface and arcing towards the charizard, searing his scales and flashing raindrops into steam.
MMMMMM Love this description.
You promised the same as the rest of us. Someone has to save Mew.
Hmmmmm So a long time ago, I guess, Titan made this promise. As did the rest of the child's team? Still trying to decipher this.
It's hard enough to keep your head when you've been fighting, but as a pokémon, it's even harder.
Another lovely line. The implication here (and one I agree with) is that Pokemon's instincts and emotions run 'hot' so to speak, meaning they feel things almost stronger, and act on them quicker. I really vibe with this and it roughly lines up with how I see pokemon too.
"Please... You told me you would save her."
Okay but why does Titan act like he doesn't remember. Later context makes me
think that maybe Titan just got used to living the nice life as a trainers pokemon and forgot the promise?
Today you are Jade Winstead, and you are no one.
AHAH I knew it Salvage and LC are in the same universe
You're about halfway done reading it, and your mind is starting to wander. You already checked all the good bits--the funnies, the training section, and, of course, the obituaries. You even choked down most of the boring stuff, the news-news about people who do things other than train pokémon, like you have any reason to care about them
I love the the Child thinks that comics, training and obituaries are the "good parts". In general I enjoy how you highlight the child's immaturity without outright saying 'they're super immature' all the time.
Pokémon and humans have different ways of learning things,
once again loving this. I've always been a huge personal fan of when Pokemon and humans can be two distinct species that are both spaient but have completely different life outlooks and approaches.
Leonard Kerrigan sits at the nerve center of the League's great digital brain, watching data flow in from all its sensory organs, the pokédexes every trainer must carry to be considered legal. The pokédex observes everything, records everything, surely knows more than the trainer herself about everything that has happened on her journey: every pokémon captured, every item purchased, every visit to a pokémon center
Loved this prose, describing the Pokedexes and the systems like a brain and nerves.
tearing your eyes away from Leonard Kerrigan and only just remembering not to bare your teeth.
Pokemon instincts I see!
Only two of your pokémon are left, and you know Leonard Kerrigan has one.
WHO!!!
Maybe it's that this is where the child died--that's kind of hard to overlook.
So, I guess they really were human before this?
Who are you without it? Who are you now? Who are you?
I have a feeling this will keep coming up. This poor child clearly places a high value on their stolen identities.
You turn around, grinning. It's okay. You have it again. It's safe. And your eyes meet the horrified stares of every trainer in the place, most now on their feet. A couple are releasing pokémon.
Your smile only gets wider. Something seems to have come loose in your head. You can't think. But you feel you ought to say something into the stunned silence, something apt and witty. You flip through your mental notebook, looking for the right phrase.
And there it is. Still grinning, you say, "Don't worry, I can pay for that." Then you lean forward over the pokédex and charge for the doors.
Ok, idk why but this made me chuckle. It's both disturbing and utterly ridiculous. Continually amused by this child constantly trying to do 'human' things.
Child:
casting his incantations over the computer.
Love how he's described as 'casting incantations' over his computer.
you can just taste the edges of his dreams
Hm! Dream powers? or maybe just psychic powers? I guess the Child has Mew-ish powers, which might allow some glimpse at dreams. Curious.
There's only one of everything here: one coat hanging on the hooks by the door, one umbrella in the holder. The smells of unwashed human and dishware overwhelm your sensitive nose; you can see the kitchen down the hall, stacks of plates piled in the sink and garbage overflowing from the can.
I like how you show the messiness here instead of just saying 'the house looked depressing and messy'.
Secret agents are cool, after all.
Once again, the Child lives up to his name
He's been in storage for a long time, and you wonder whether anyone even bothered to explain to him what happened before putting him away.
Okay but this raises a lot of questions like.... is the PC system just awkward stasis then, with the pokemon wasting away obliviously? That's harsh!
Your grin stretches wider and wider, splitting Matt Kerrigan's face ear to ear as jaws reconfigure to accommodate the new rows of teeth forcing their way out of your gums, gleaming sharp in the dim light. Fingers grow claws and irises bleed to red as you stare into Leonard Kerrigan's eyes.
A friendly smile!
It is like the way shadows bend when they flow over blood?
I like that Absol kind of makes no sense here because I wouldn't expect it to be something easily explained
Only later would the child wonder how Absol managed to find the pokéball buried in a pile of soot in some no-account corner of Cinnabar Island.
:absus:
The child will win those badges. It will enter the tournament. And it will meet the trainer who holds the key to its future--its future, and that of its mother.
But first, someone else will have to die.
To be the very best, like no one ever was~
ohohohoho
"Aww, what's this, now? The great Nathaniel Morgan running scared from a few angry monkeys?"
THERE HE IS
If that fails, he'll be on his own and you'll look to your other, dwindling options.
I'm sure we'll never see him again.
I think that concludes my thoughts. I hear the story really picks up after this and doesn't hop around quite so much, so I look forward to it! Happy Writing!
