Poppin' Arms ~ Dorms

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra padded silently from Brisa's dorm to Owen's. She passed unseen and unheard, scarcely perceptible even to a Spectrum warrior, save for a shift in the air. She sought counsel, hardly knowing why. Perhaps it was in the nature of Brisa, and therefore of Sombra, to seek answers to questions of which one was not even aware.

Owen was asleep, as expected, flame secured. Sombra waited. She was patient. The entity with which she sought an audience would appear if he wished. She preferred not to wake his host.

 

[Namohysip]

Like a ghostly wraith, Wishkeeper drifted about the dorm room. Owen did not stir, and in fact looked like he was very cozy in his slightly undersized bed.

"Sombra," Wishkeeper greeted, his voice silent to all but those of his kind.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Hey there, fella."

The Shadow-luxray took a seated position and bowed her head as if exhausted. The chains of light at her neck and limbs were less extensive and prominent than they had been, but they remained, floating weightlessly. She sighed, and filled the air with her fatigue. How to talk to this Shadow-charizard? How to address what was in her heart?

"I've become like you," she said at last. "An entity apart from my host. It is a strange existence. You have always seemed . . . comfortable with it, since y'came into stable bein' long before myself an' Dave's Shadow an' Keo'keo... What gives, Wishkeeper?"

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper's smile was probably easier for a fellow Shadow to make out. "You could say that I am used to being something only part of a whole," he said. "While it isn't exact... you could say that Owen is a reincarnation of me. That is the simplest way to explain it. So, I have already... accepted that I am only part of him. And he has accepted me." His glowing eyes dimmed, as if closing them. "I'm content with that. Because he listens to me a little more when I say something is unsafe."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Y'seem to care so much about safety, though Owen is more'n able to handle hisself," remarked Sombra. "I find myself obsessed with somethin' else."

There was a pain in Sombra's chest, very nearly every second of her inexplicable existence.

"We just want to be adored," she whispered, sadly. "But that ain't even so much under our control as safety is under yers."

She wasn't asking a question. Just thinking aloud, with someone listening who might understand.

 

[Namohysip]

"Adoration is not an easy thing to control. I do not think we have ever sought it out. In fact, in my time as Wishkeeper, I much preferred not being noticed. Too many people asking for favors that are for selfish reasons." Wishkeeper snorted, wings folded down. "Seeking fame and seeking self-fulfillment... recognition as a reward... How much is unhealthy, do you think?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra shrugged. "Is it possible to not want what you want? We ain't after fame, anyhow. Colosseum cheers are just a salve on the wound."

It was subtle, but Sombra's chest still reddened from time to time.

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper looked Sombra over, letting out a small "Hm" of contemplation now and then. "What do you mean by that? To not want what you want? Is this the same as the trick of the body, where you are hungry and hungry yet what it really wants is water?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"If'n we can't be loved or it's unhealthy somehow, is it possible to just . . . stop carin'? Harden our heart an' live without seekin' affection returned."

Sombra looked at the sleeping forms of Owen and Dave. They'd give different responses, she was sure. She didn't want them. She wanted to hear other Shadows speak.

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper's eyes dimmed further, now in deep contemplation. "To stop caring, to harden ourselves to the point where we no longer seek affection, no longer need it. To cast such feelings aside..." Wishkeeper hummed again, perhaps thinking about something only slightly related. "Yes, it is possible," Wishkeeper replied, nodding. "All you must do is abandon what it means to be alive."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra made an expression somewhere between a grimace and a smile. "Are we alive, Wishkeeper? I can think and act as if I were a person. Is Brisa doin' my thinkin' an' feelin' as she dreams, or is it the Shadow energy itself?"

She shook her head. "Losin' love an' loved ones is a cruel agony. It's gonna happen again, no matter what. Been thinkin' that maybe Bahamut was right, after all. No attachments; less sufferin'."

 

[Namohysip]

"Of course," Wishkeeper said with a relenting shrug. "There are many creeds and philosophies that value the lack of suffering by virtue of a lack of bonds. And to some, it is a peaceful life, one with few disturbances. But Bahamut is acting in that way because of past traumas. He has become bitter and afraid and nihilistic. While Owen looks up to him for his composure against adversity, I do not admire Bahamut for much else."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra's face twisted darkly. "I resent him fer representin' the concept of a world where the best outcome one can hope for is survival, bleak an' tainted by the blood spilled to achieve it. We ain't got... We will always fight fer a victory worth achievin'."

She sighed. Her chains shifted in their floating entanglement.

"Brisa tells herself that the bonds she has are enough fer her, an' that they'll endure. But time an' time again, unbreakable bonds . . . keep breakin'. An' even if everythin' here works out... One day, we'll go home. There's no hopeful future there 'less we happen across someone who'll love us as we are. I don't know the odds of that, but I wouldn't bet on it."

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper smiled a wry smile. "No bond cannot be broken," he said. "Not unless you share the same soul. It is natural to come together and drift apart. That is no reason to fear it. I represent, chronologically, the majority of Owen's existence. I know what it means to love, to lose, and to love again. The world is constantly changing, we change with it, and the people we know change in different ways. The natural conclusion is that sometimes we change away. And even if we are going to drift apart sooner than we'd like, I think it is... childish"--He used the term deliberately, thinking of Bahamut--"to avoid them just because they will soon end."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra nodded, her mind – if it was her mind – filling with memories of past pain and imagined future hurt. She ran a paw down one side of her face, her claws tugging at her shadowy fur,

"I am afraid," she whispered. "That by seekin' out what we want, we'll be hurt worse. Waitin' in hope is unbearable. Brisa deals with it by just not thinkin' about it, usually. She's moved on to givin' other folks the push to try fer love an' buryin' herself in fantasy stories. She won't even admit to herself the full extent of her feelings an' I haven't tried to push her to, fer fear she'll stop listenin' t'me entirely."

 

[Namohysip]

"Hmph. Then perhaps we have that in common." Wishkeeper crossed his arms, then his wings over those. "For a time, I was afraid Owen would lock me away. Only he can hear me, after all. I would be ineffective without him allowing me with his good graces. To push against the ideals he'd propped up for himself... is a risk toward my own relevance. That's all we Shadows have to our hosts, isn't it? How relevant they believe we are.

"Brisa is lying to herself. If there is one thing Owen and I can agree on, it's seeing the truth. I wouldn't approve of Brisa continuing down that stagnant path."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Sounds like yer sayin' I oughta try to persuade her to acknowledge her own heart," whispered Sombra. "I can only try. An' if she pushes me away... Well, perhaps you an' yer host can get her t'see th'truth if I can't. I couldn't say."

The illusory wine-red stain on her chest grew a little larger.

 

[Namohysip]

Wishkeeper glanced down, gesturing to her chest wordlessly. He tilted his head.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Our heart bleeds fer others," breathed Sombra, and the final syllable became a chuckle as dry as bleached bone. "An' fer ourself. Brisa feels such love, an' scarce ever seeks reciprocation. It is . . . a painful way to live."

 

[Namohysip]

"I see." Wishkeeper nodded. "I have no such manifestations. I am just large. Looming, imposing, intimidating. To keep others from bringing harm. Perhaps in a way I am what you wished to be, even though Owen in reality wants these wings to be to hold as many against his chest as possible." To demonstrate, he stretched them, and they took up the full width of the room.

"Empathy is painful because others feel pain, too. But that does not mean you should keep it all to yourself. Remember that bonds involve sharing pain both ways when necessary. If Brisa should know anything, it should be that she does not need to put up with pain when others are not helping her through her own." Wishkeeper's face twisted to an amused smile. "Had we not any obligations back home, and had our interests aligned more perfectly, perhaps Owen would have been offering more than friendship to Brisa."