Poppin' Arms ~ Dorms

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra laughed properly at that. "Interests. Funny way of puttin' it. Ah, but I'll let it warm me all the same. Owen's 'obligations' an' Brisa's 'interests' aside, their friendship is more meaningful than y'might even realise. I've though of him as a brother fer a while now, an' even Brisa seems t'think so in conscious and unshadowed musings. That ain't less than romantic feelin'. It's just as important."

The smile faded, but Sombra held herself with just a little less weariness, a little less discomfort.

"Y'know, now that you've mentioned helpin'... Maybe instead of persuadin' Brisa t'come clean to herself an' those she pines fer, I could get her to talk about her feelings to other 'mon. Th'way I'm doin' with you."

 

[Namohysip]

"That would be wise," Wishkeeper said. "She may have a distaste for therapists since they're mostly psychic, but there's no harm in airing the idea to her. Owen goes to one, after all, even here. I think it helps keep his feelings in check. Particularly the Blacklight ones." Wishkeeper considered this. "There are two therapists I've seen who aren't psychic, too. Bean, the Zygarde. Friendly. Maybe too delicate. And there was a Samurott. Fugu. She's combat-oriented. Not very standard. But she speaks in a way that... perhaps the likes of Owen and Brisa understand more than, for example, the humans.

"And of course, there's also just talking to others. Perhaps Owen. Perhaps the others she speaks with a lot. Truffle, Starr..." Wishkeeper made on-and-on gestures, twisting his wrist cyclically.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra listened, nodding along until the Shadow-charizard mentioned Starr, and that earned a bout of dry, hacking laughter.

"Y'know, I bet she would talk t'Starr about her crushes. In fact, I'm certain of it. By sky an' stars, that'd be a conversation to witness."

She pinched the bridge of her nose with one great luxray paw, and the chains of light moved silently with the motion. "Well, it's a start. I think I can move forward with this. An' I sure appreciate yer counsel. I don't suppose there's much I can give you, given yer generations' worth of experience, 'less there's somethin' y'were hopin' t'find out about Brisa's inner self."

 

[Namohysip]

"Hmmm..." Wishkeeper genuinely considered this. "Part of my old profession was knowing a great deal about those I spoke with. I suppose I can dip into that old habit... Not that Perceive keeps me bound to it regardless." He nodded to himself, though he looked like he was preparing to return to his guardian post. "Tell me, has Brisa ever dreamt of being a different species? A silly dream, a surreal one, a serious one... Owen once dreamt he was a Dreepy. What of Brisa?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra cupped her cheek and rested her head in her paw.

"'Course she has. Plenty, in fact. Fer instance, why d'ya think her familiar looks like that? Brisa dreamed as a kid that she might one day be a zeraora, a wanderin' champion of justice who'd protect the innocent, strong enough to depend on nobody. Some tales say that zeraora choose a mortal successor to take their place when their journey ends. Brisa suspects that Luz – the flesh'n'blood Luz – offered that chance to Sierra Escarpa, her mother. True or not, it used to be the future she imagined fer herself."

The playful expression faded. "An' of course she's dreampt of bein' a luxray, lookin' forward to th'time when she'd be as strong as her ma. An' of bein' a delphox, or even a human. How could she not, with her father bein' who he is?"

Sombra shivered, and shook herself, disturbing her chains in their floating.

"An' I dare say she's had a dream or two of bein' th'same species as a gal she likes. Deerlin', vulpix . . . torracat."

 

[Namohysip]

"Of course," said Wishkeeper, nodding. "Mm... so you're aware. Brisa doesn't seem to be. Owen has been unsure about asking Brisa about it. But it's plainly obvious." He hummed, thoughtful. "Owen plays innocent because he used to truly be that way. In some ways he is grasping onto that innocence so people can still feel comfortable around him. He feigns ignorance, but only a fool would think he is so naive after they know the full extent of his Perceive.

"Perhaps he is also afraid that Brisa would consider it like Psychic probing, how invasive Perceive can truly be."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Brisa hates the idea of someone scrutinisin' her private thoughts. It's a visceral reaction. Her perspicacity, an' her luxray vision, an' her insight into the Radiance an' Shadows folks display... Those're all forms of scrutiny. Her resentment of what her pa did don't extend so far as resentin' Owen fer knowin' when her heart beats a li'l faster around certain friends. At least, not fer long. It's better that he talks to her about it soon, 'cause it ain't th'sort of thing that'll get easier with time."

Sombra rubbed her eyes with the pad of her paw. "But yeah. I'm aware as y'like that Brisa's got a thing fer a number of gals, to different extents an' with different degrees of awareness. She knows she loves Astrid, but she reckons it's a dead-end. She just realised she's got some kinda crush on Cream, but thinks it'll go nowhere. An' yeah. She's in love with Starr. An' she ain't got a fuckin' clue."

 

[Namohysip]

And to that, Wishkeeper ran a hand along his forehead in thought. "I suppose I should talk to Owen about that," he said. "He means well. But some things he cannot help. But I suspect such things will only dredge up old memories for Brisa, won't it? What Psychic does not reflexively glean the energies of those they socialize with?" He shook his head. "Thank you, Sombra. I think this has been enlightening for both of us. Perhaps we will have something to give our hosts for their own talks."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I can't help what I glean off folks! It's yer own fuckin' fault fer not shielding yer surface thoughts around a psychic, same as talkin' loudly around folks y'don't wanna hear ya. Fuck'ssake. Goddamnit, it's not like I deep-read folks without a good reason."

"I'll speak with Brisa, an' try to get her to talk to friends, or therapists, or whoever the hell she'll agree to tell. Thanks, partner. I appreciate yer time."

She turned to leave.

"An' good luck."

<><><><><>​

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave's dreams were an uneasy, muddled haze of gunshots, Mia's head exploding, the cold gaze of the man in the forest, and Shadow huddled invisibly, ears pinned, shivering, until he heard voices.

It was Owen's Shadow, and... Brisa's. And they talked about Brisa, and the pain that she was in, and Shadow just hurt, and so when Sombra turned to leave and Wishkeeper faded out of view, Shadow padded after her, throwing furtive glances back at Dave's form where he twitched in his sleep, uncomfortably sure that this was definitely not allowed.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra perked her ears as she loped through the corridor between the neighbouring dormitories, aware that she was being followed. She let Shadow keep after her until she returned to Brisa's room. Using doors was . . . grounding. She felt real.

"Got somethin' on yer mind, fella?" she asked. Gently, but with a slightly raw edge to it.

For all that Shadow bore no bloodied fur or glowing manacles, he seemed ever so pained.

 

[Dragonfree]

Shadow flinched as she suddenly spoke. "Does Brisa really want to... stop caring?" he muttered, not quite meeting her gaze.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra gaves another of her breathy, ethereal sighs.

"We want t'not be in pain. I wind up contemplatin' any means of not bein' in pain, in the end. Not wantin' t'be loved is . . . a weirdly comfortin' idea that ain't ever happenin' fer real. It ain't a real goal."

 

[Dragonfree]

Shadow shuddered where he stood, glowing eyes looking up at her. "What's the point of anything if you don't care about anyone?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra turned to fully face Shadow and looked at him through tired, melancholy eyes.

"We will always care about others. The fantasy is that we might learn a way t'survive never expectin' t'be loved in return. To love others silently, painlessly, needin' nothin' from them t'feel whole."

 

[Dragonfree]

Shadow looked away. "That sounds like Hell," he muttered.

There was a quiet pause. "I love her. I want her to be happy. I mean... Dave does." Shadow winced. "I know she means romance, but why wouldn't she find that too? She's so good. Everyone likes her. Why won't she see how good she is?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"We love you too, y'know," whispered Sombra. "We know you care. Sometimes it don't make sense to us that y'do. Sometimes y'remind us of Pa. But we always know."

Sombra beckoned Shadow over for a hug. He accepted, and Sombra pulled him close, and thought it a little strange that she should be reassuring him, that she should be comforting him, that she should feel so much stronger, as much as a Shadow could be strong.

"Doesn't matter how hard y'love someone or how much y'try an' get close to 'em. Yer never guaranteed reciprocation. Yer never entitled to intimacy. Yer never certain that things'll work out. An' it has never, ever worked out fer Brisa. She's startin' to believe it never will."

 

[Dragonfree]

Shadow wrapped his paws around Sombra and clung to her. Sometimes y'remind us of Pa, she'd said, and a horrible pit had grown in his stomach, but here she was, hugging him anyway. Maybe it was okay.

"I know," he said after a while, with a heavy sigh. "Most of the people Dave loves don't love him back. But that's because I'm -- he's..." Shadow grimaced, ears flattening. "Brisa's not like that. She gets along with everyone. She's not unlovable."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Sombra let Shadow stay there, clinging. She clung back, and her exhaustion seeped out of her continuously in that dry, warm, moving air that felt so like a sigh.

"You've got twice the years I have, if our years ain't too different. D'you really think it's so simple as lovable and unlovable? D'you really think that Brisa's bound to have someone take an interest just 'cause most of her relationships are agreeable, or that there's somethin' about you and yer nature that'll keep ya from bein' loved?"

She shook her head. The chains moved.

"Circumstance matters so much. What we don't have control over. What other people choose to do. Who those people are fer the time they're in our lives. Brisa might have many friends on Cibus, but are the ones her hearts aches fer gonna return those feelings inside the time we have, knowin' it can't last? Brisa might have many friends on Cibus, but they won't follow her to her world when she returns. An' it don't matter if she's the person you think she is, in that circumstance, with those people. Brisa might have many friends . . . but it's hard to reach out an' try to hold someone, fer a person who spent years alone and knows they're goin' t'be alone again."

Sombra was made of shadow, and it would seem that a shadow could speak even as it wept, in a soft and weary voice.

 

[Dragonfree]

Shadow let out a small whine. "It's only a couple of unrequited loves," he said. "She should try. Even if they don't work out, or if they're temporary. She can't just give up, like nobody will love her again. That's not true."