Pokémon Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Eternal Shadows

[Flyg0n]

Okey dokey, I had to leave a review on those most recent two chapters.

First up, 'Best of Times'!

I really love how you capture the simple slice of life here. They're just kids, trying to have fun, and have a sleepover. I think you used the sleepover to great effect within the narrative as well. This is the first time we see them on screen again together, but in a casual capacity, and sometimes just chilling together can tell you more about a group of characters than being in a crisis.

For example, there's some parts where you can pick up on an underlying awkwardness. They're still trying to figure out what game to play, Gen doesn't know moves, and they're still not used to each other fully. But even so, they're all very supportive and sweet, which is really refreshing and pleasant.

I also like how you utilize this mundane moment to weave in fun details like what kinds of games exist in their world. One Night Ultimate Human is a fun play on the concept.

I don't have any real critiques tbh.

I think the parts that shine through super strong here are characters and their interactions, and Gen's inner conflict. You can really start to feel for how alien and uncomfortable the experience is for him, even with something seemingly small like not being able to enjoy chocolate chip cookies. Tha broke my heart.

Also hooray for gen digging his proverbial grave of lies deeper and deeper!!!

I quickly picked up a cookie and bit into it, excited to savor that sweet chocolatey delight. It was still warm, and I could feel the cookie break up into crumbs over my tongue when I suddenly froze.

Something was wrong. Saltriv was insistent these were chocolate chip cookies, but this didn't taste like chocolate at all! Instead of that rich and sweet flavor I remembered with a hint of bitterness, it was…almost fruity, sweet with a hint of dryness.

I mean, it wasn't bad, but… it wasn't chocolate.

AAAAA ;.;
I think this part resonated with me so strong, like I said. I connected with Gen here, over the idea of suddenly realizing you can't enjoy your favorite snack anymore... Aaaaaa

"Yeah!" I said, before taking another bite out of my cookie. It really was good, just…not what I was hoping for.

poor Gen. Can't even express himself here. This whole chapter was really nice subtle whump balanced with nice things.

'O-One Night Ultimate Human'? Wh-What the-? Did Burhalla know somehow?

This line made me cackle. Something about the contrast between Gen's fear and Burhalla completely unknowingly bringing up this game

Agh! I was ruining everything here! Did they even still want me at the sleepover now? Ever since we'd finished the pillow fort, all I'd done was just get in the way of their fun!

"I'm sorry," I said, trembling. "I shouldn't have—"

Before I could finish, I felt a pair of scaly hands wrap around me. I looked up, seeing Burhalla hugging me.

"It's ok," he said, softly smiling at me. "You didn't do anything wrong. As long as you're trying, I'm sure you'll get it eventually. And it's just one game we can't do, anyways."

This was so sweet!!!!

"A Psyduck that went days without darkness soothing?" Burhalla said, looking straight at my head.

Well, my charade had come out good enough if Burhalla could figure it out.

"Yeah, that's right! Though it was just supposed to be a Psyduck," I said, walking back to my seat, sitting down, and adjusting my position. "Um, what's darkness soothing?"

"It's a type of treatment where Topsy-turvy is used on a Pokemon who's having trouble with psychic powers," Burhalla answered. "It really helps if their powers are causing them pain."

I LOVE THIS IDEA

… My eyes felt damp. I could feel a few tears streaming down from my face. But, for the first time in these two long days, they weren't tears of sadness, or pain, or fear... but ones of happiness.

"…yeah. Yeah, I really am," I said.

"I'm glad to hear that! " Saltriv said with a wave of their leaf. "Since I see you as my friend, too!"

I hesitated, then stood up, and walked over to Saltriv and hugging them, before doing the same to Burhalla.

"Thank you…thank you…" I said, my tears splashing onto the floor. I felt a pair of scaly arms wrap around me, followed by a pair of vines wiping away my tears.

For the first time since I arrived here, I didn't feel alone at all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YES LOVE

This was a mystery dungeon.

OH HECK YEAH

Gotta say, this ending kinda gave me chills in a good way. There's something deeply horrifying when a mystery dungeon can manifest in your own house??? WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crazy

 

[NebulaDreams]

Chapter 5

I took a sharp right down the alley next to ol’ Flapple’s home. He’s sure been missing for a while now. I miss those times when we hung—

when we hung—

when we hung—

hungasfgdgdwqrqrqopnzmanzaggleccQSAJKJKJAOPFAFMALFLAPPLEFLNALFKAQOIUQNI

Toucannon can launch plain seeds with enough power to destroy boulders.

Holy crap I love PNS-NT’s perspective here. The gibberish and the random inserts of Pokedex entries really sold their robotic, erratic personality.

“Why do you trust this Pokemon you didn’t know before yesterday more than your own father?” my father demanded.

Ok, boomer.

Anyways, the sun’s been up for a while now. I should get up. See ya tonight!

~ Saltriv

I don’t think Saltriv’s journal entry adds a lot to the story either since it’s just a recap of events that already happened for the most part.

Not much happens in this chapter as a lot of it seems like recaps of events from different perspectives, though I liked seeing PNS-NT and Burhalla’s POV. Of course, the biggest question marks come at the end of this chapter in the Team Seedlings base, where it’s revealed that there’s also a Dewott that also happens to be named Gen. It does answer some questions about human imposters, and also shows that the Pokemon here know about the existence of Hoenn/Johto in the other world. I expect there’ll be answers for that later.

Chapter 6

Not much to say here, brief but good, Shadow Leon’s scene hit hard, and the scene where Team Searchlight bands together is cute. Would still like to get more insight into Gen here, plus I also felt like the exploration of the town itself (especially when Gen would probably be comparing it to Goldenrod) was lacking in some areas.

Chapter 7

Woah, this was a big chapter. These dungeons had a nice sense of progression to them and the ending was a satisfying showdown. Though sometimes, some of the more dramatic moments felt jarring. I like the idea of Gen dynamaxing and losing control of himself, but as I mentioned before with the previous chapters, I don’t think that moment felt very earned considering we still don’t know much about Gen. That, and while I think it’s refreshing to have characters talk about anxiety and therapy in the context of a PMD story (because it would be mentally taxing), again, I find the emotional impact to be muted.

Chapter 8

Tapu Fini made another gesture I didn't recognize, before closing their shell.

The three of us turned around, and exited the temple, with a now-purified Flapple in tow.

Would’ve been more tense if that Tapu Fini was ruder back (therefore making it more difficult for the characters to stay polite), but it’s still a nice scene.

You idiot! We needed to move in sync! Now you scared that Porygon-Z off, and it alerted that whole village! I thought.

Ooh, I love the payoff here, that the abomination PNS-NT saw in chapter 5 was the chimera from chapter 3.

--

Hi Bench! It’s been a while since I last read this story, and I remember liking it enough to want to read more, but feeling underwhelmed by the protagonist. My stance on that hasn’t changed , so a lot of my comments here will be revisiting thoughts I had in the previous review, but I want to emphasise that Eternal Shadows is a good read overall. It has a lot of good ideas and potential in them, and it flows quite nicely so I breezed through each chapter, so it is an entertaining fic so far.

I also want to highlight how solid the story’s start is here. I like the surreal nature of the first chapter, then with the second chapter, there’s the strong hook of Burhalla looking at the missing posters of his friends. In comparison to other PMD stories I’ve read that’ve had really glacial starts, this one gets to the point much quicker and feels more exciting as a result.

Also reading the beginning of chapter 3, it rectified the confusion issue I had with the different perspectives in the previous draft — the different coloured texts adds a lot to this section, and I love the hints about them being a hybrid of sorts.

Most of my original criticisms carry over to this version, though I won’t reiterate all of what I said in the last review (follow the link if you want to read back on my comments there).

On that note, 8 chapters in and I still don’t buy the conflict about Gen lying about not being human. I understand his thought processes where he digs himself deeper, and it does establish him as being on the more timid side of things, but at the moment, it doesn’t seem like a big lie that would ruin all of his relationships when revealed. Well, perhaps with the rest of the guild trying to search for the true humans, but I would be very unhappy if Saltriv and Burhalla suddenly decided to turn on him after all that relationship building. With Burhalla, perhaps there’s more precedent considering his dad was a total dickwad for lying about his mom’s death, but I don’t think that’s on the same level of deception as Gen’s own dilemma.

I think if the story was more subtle about it at the beginning, then showed Gen casually lying more and more as it progresses, it would have more weight. Or maybe showing him buying into his own hype and having it bite him in the ass later on, since flaws like that can make characters more interesting. That liar reveal moment hasn’t come yet though so I can’t comment on how it’ll be executed once it does happen.

And I might’ve said this before, but unfortunately, the lack of focus on Gen’s backstory where there really ought to be more details about his life is the main thing that harms my investment in him as a protagonist. I mean, if I don’t know about his friends and family and what his connection is to them, when he would be having those thoughts with his memories intact, then there’s a lack of emotional conflict as to whether or not he’ll return home.

Again, I am enjoying Eternal Shadows so far, and would be willing to read more for Catnip. Thanks for sharing, and hopefully I’ll see you around in the next rounds.

 

[Adamhuarts]

So, I just finished reading chapters 4 to 6 and these are my thoughts on them.

Starting off with chapter 4, our main trio have made it out of the dungeon in one piece. From here we’re introduced to Saltriv’s parents and Burhalla’s dad, along with a Porygon whose name I don’t really know how to pronounce so I’ll call him Peanut from now on in this review. Part of Gen’s inner monologue reveals that he’s from Goldenrod in Johto and has at least lived around the time the events of RSE occurred, which is pretty amusing. Even for the rare pmd fics that put focus on the human’s past, not many intertwine with the mainline games in this way which I think helps this story stand out in that regard.

Peanut also appears to be a synthetic pokemon even in this pmd universe which I find to be amusing. Will his creator ever become relevant? Hard to say, but it’s neat to see unusual pokemon in pmd fics like this. The rest of the chapter has everyone and their families going home, Gen digging his grave of a lie deeper and knowing it’s too late to back out now (according to him). There’s also the human world scene where people have started to notice Gen is missing. I wonder who that person is though and if they’ll have relevance in the future.

Chapter 5 begins with Peanut having a horror movie scene with what I assume to be an arctozolt. He also passes out, but luckily it appears he’s saved. Next scene is Burhalla and his father having an argument over the former’s recklessness, but even his dad couldn’t help but admit said recklessness had produced results. We’re also shown the reason why Burhalla hates lies, and I suppose the truth about his mother’s death being hidden from him really cut deep huh? The next scene was a tad bit too recappy. While it’s interesting seeing the previous events being read from Saltriv’s perspective, it’s still all events we’d seen and read already. I’d honestly either cut down on it or add in more relevant and or more introspective interpretation of the events from Saltriv. It’s not a huge deal though in any case, and the journal entry doesn’t overstay it’s welcome too much.

The scene that came next introduced us with this world’s version of the avengers or justice league, basically, and they’re composed of the human and partners who’d saved the world or continents from previous calamities. It’s definitely my favorite part of this chapter seeing all these different personalities. Though I’d point out that it was quite a lot of characters introduced at once and I struggled a bit with keeping track of their names and species, especially because their names weren’t common sounding. I’m very curious about the other Gen in this chapter though. Is this a Gen from another timeline or do they share the same name through coincidence? They even share the same pokemon species, which makes this doubly amusing. I’m curious to see where this all leads to, now that the heroes are on their way to the Thunder Continent. I sure hope nothing bad happens to them on their way there.

Chapter 6 begins with a cryptic scene about a pokemon escaping from being chased by his clan or some other force. Not much to say here though and will wait to see how it connects to future chapters. The rest of the chapter had Gen and Saltriv explore the town a bit before running into Burhalla. Gen who doesn’t want to be lonely—poor lad—joins their team the first chance he got. I wonder if he knows what he’s getting into and what will become of this. They also come up with a team name, and I think Searchlights sounds pretty neat all things considered. There’s not much for me to comment on about this chapter, but it was decent.

To cap off this review, I’d like to say that while the first few chapters had been a bit rough around the edges, there was noticeable improvement as the story progressed and the storyline began to pick up. This story has a lot of interesting bits about it and incorporates enough neat elements to set it apart at least to me. Even with the rocky start, I think you have a special thing going on here and would be keeping an eye out for more.

 

[Adamhuarts]

So, I decided to come back to this to leave a review on the 7th and 8th chapters respectively.

To start with Chapter 7, this one was quite a fairly meaty chapter and a lot happened in it. Gen learned his first pokemon and only pokemon move for now, and the three went into a dungeon right after. He trips over those dynamax things from Sword and Shield—haven’t played the games so I have no intimate familiarity with the worldbuilding—and goes dynamax. Bruhalla almost fuckin dies, but he survived and all is well. Shortly after that we learn that Saltriv can use shadow moves. I’m curious whether this development came before or after their time in blc2, but it’s fairly amusing to say the least. After that, they go in and find Flapple, who has been corrupted with shadows. They manage to beat the crap out of him though and the chapter ends with them planning to go purify his corruption.

Overall, I think this chapter was fairly decent. I think a recurring nitpick I have is that the dungeon chapters tend to introduce more new mechanics than the readers can focus their minds on. Dynamax was cool to see, but it didn’t really show up again or have much focus in the rest of the chapter for instance. That’s just a personal nitpick though. For the most part I don’t think it detracted much from my enjoyment of the chapter.

Moving onto Chapter 8, I think my favorite part of this chapter was the lore Tapu Fini’s presence offers to this chapter. We’re immediately left asking questions like why the strange customs regarding entry? Why are pokemon required to be always polite? Is Tapu Fini short tempered? They definitely seem to radiate an intimidating aura, which is befitting of a legendary. I thought it was neat. Flapple gets cured of the shadowification and the two take him back home, where Saltriv and Burhalla’s parents are justifiably shocked their kids wandered off into a dungeon. Imagine if they knew the kids almost got pummeled back there. But well Flapple reunites with Peanut and all’s well that ends well at the end of the day. Also there was that one scene with the Arctozolt duo. Two humans sharing one body is something I haven’t seen done before, and I found it pretty nifty. Though the way the segment was written might take getting used to, I thought the way it was implemented was creative to say the least.

Overall this was a calmer chapter than the last one. We’re introduced to new characters and revelations. I look forward to seeing what lies ahead for this story.

 

[GumPlum]

Heya, this is a small review for chapters 1-2 as I get acquainted with your story and this site. Honestly, I quite liked the setup you have here, even with the relatively small wordcount so far. I'd say my favorite part was the whole dream sequence, and mainly because it's decently evocative, and I like how different it comes across as. Especially with the versions of the partner all around the protagonist and how he has to "choose one to save." I'm wondering all over what that could mean, and what potentially happened to all the others if they were different people. You really did the intrigue well there, and I can't commend you enough because it kept me reading well into the second chapter which is also nice. Plus, having a protagonist who's inherently lying to the other characters is already a nice way to start conflict if need be, so I'll look forward to that as I keep reading.
Overall, pretty nice! Keep going well, and I know that you've probably only improved in the later chapters, so there's no doubt about that.

 

[Adamhuarts]

Here for Catnip. Just read the chapter 9 of this fic and here’s my thoughts on it.

Chapter 9 brings us back to the perspective of the previous heroes, with the PSMD team heading over to the Thunder Continent to reconvene with the others. I think it was pretty alright, and the banter between Team Travelers and Team Gibbous got a few chuckles out of me too.

I kind of wish we’d gotten to see more of Moonlight Town itself though. I found the idea of a town in perpetual nightfall to be pretty fascinating from a worldbuilding perspective, and it gives the location almost this air of whimsy to it too. Even the bonkers directions that Mayor Gothitelle gave them for the plaza added to that effect. Pretty good stuff I’d say.

I’m a bit surprised by how quickly the previous heroes are coming into contact with Gen, though one of them being affiliated with Saltriv already does help with that. What with the possible accusation of being an imposter human, something tells me Gen won’t be so quick to admit his origins any time soon. At this point it feels like he’s dug himself so deep into this lie that I can see this becoming a recurring gag.

 

[IFBench]

Chapter 14: A Great Loss

Saltriv's Home

Saltriv​

In, and out. In, and out. Deep breaths, feel the sunlight on my leaf. Let it revitalize and energize me.

The sunlight from my room's skylight never felt so good.

We had made it out of the blanket fort. We were safe. We were safe.

"Are you all alright?" Acacia said. I looked over at him, and saw him lying down, neck draped over Lidequir near a scattered board game.

"I am!" I said, with a wave of my leaf. Truth be told…I wasn't entirely sure. But I'd manage!

I glanced over at the picture on the wall I drew, of me, Burhalla, and Gen. The sleepover was just last night, but with everything that had happened it felt like it was ages ago. I hoped they were doing alright.

"I…think I am," I heard Gen say. I glanced over at him. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing heavily. Our episode in the Mystery Dungeon must have really shaken him…I can't imagine what this would all be like for someone who barely had any memories.

"I'm still in a bit of shock. If our blanket fort became a mystery dungeon, then…" Burhalla said, trailing off. What was left unsaid didn't need to be said. We all knew what it meant.

At least we'd be able to demolish the blanket fort easily. If the entire village went the way of Mossy Town…

"It'll be ok. We just need to find the next human, and then we can fix all this," Lidequir said, his usual joking tone gone.

"Kids, don't worry. We'll make it through this," mom assured us, a gentle smile on her face. "This is just another calamity. We—"

I heard shouting from the main room. Before I could react, Drakloak rushed into my room, looking panicked.

"Team Seedlings! I need your help! It's terrible!" she stammered, her tail lashing from side to side.

Wait, why was Drakloak here in my room?!

"Drakloak? What are you doing here?" Mom asked, looking down at the dragon. "Shouldn't you be watching the shrine right now?"

"I…I…"

"Calm down, what is it?" Acacia asked, his petals tensing up.

"Th-the monster…it took Dreepy! And I can't go look for them myself, I have to watch the shrine soon!" Drakloak shouted, shaking her head.

The monster had attacked again?! First PNS-NT, now Dreepy! Someone had to put a stop to it!

"We'll go find Dreepy!" Burhalla shouted. "We found one of your coworkers once, we can do it again!"

Right! We were a search party now, we could look for them ourselves!

"Wait, us?! But we just got out of the blanket fort!" Gen protested. I looked over at him. He didn't seems hurt, but he was reacting to the idea of going off to find Dreepy like he'd just been cut by a Leaf Blade. Considering what we'd all been through, it was hard to blame him. But now wasn't the time! Dreepy was in danger!

I laid a vine on him. "It'll be ok!" I said, smiling. "We found Flapple the day after we found you you, we can do this too!"

Gen hesitated a bit, before sighing. "I…ok," Gen said, though he remained frowning. I hoped he'd be ok.

Acacia put a foot forward, petals tensed up and eyes wide.

"Are you sure about this?" Acacia said. "I know you're excited to be a search party, but you just got out of there!"

"Yep! I'm sure!" I said. Plus, if I stayed here, then they might ask about…

I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Yeah! It'll be our first search mission since becoming an official team!" Burhalla cheered, digging into his bag and raising his badge into the air. "Team Searchlights, to the rescue!"

Acacia still seemed unsure, while Lidequir looked at me with a warm smile. Mom's petals drooped slightly as she let out a sigh.

"...alright, good luck, all of you," mom said, patting my leaf with a vine. "Stay safe, and if things get too much for you, come back immediately, alright?"

"Here, take this," Lidequir said, handing Burhalla a connection orb. "I'll have PNS-NT Recycle it after you go out."

"Thank you!" He said, before smashing it on the ground. Gen flinched and I put my vine on his shoulder. He was so jumpy! I wonder if he was like that before he lost his memories, too.

"Let's go!" I said, beginning to walk out of my house, with my teammates by my side.

Our first search mission since becoming an official team. Part of me was nervous about it, for Dreepy, and how we'd do fresh out of one Mystery Dungeon, especially when there was the monster involved.

But we'd already come far in just a couple days. We could do this! We had to, for Dreepy's sake!

===================================================================

Overcast Village

Gen​

What was Burhalla following? And what was that orb? It didn't look like an escape orb. It looked more like a Pokeball than anything else. But if it was a Pokeball, then why did he shatter it? Why would Pokemon even have Pokeballs at all?

I wanted to go home. I wanted to be back where I felt safe and things made sense.

But here I was, dragged along for another adventure not even an hour after escaping from that blanket fort.

Was this just going to keep happening? Maybe I should quit the team—

No! No, I couldn't do that! If I did that, then Saltriv and Burhalla would probably hate me, and I'd probably be kicked out of Saltriv's house, and then…

I'd be all alone. Just like… then. I couldn't go through something like that all over again.

I just… I just needed to hang in there and endure this. Endure this weird, uncomfortable body, endure these terrifying adventures, endure the constant fear of losing my only friends here, until I could finally go home.

But would I even ever go home? The entire time I was here, I was no closer to finding out how I came here, or how to go back. Lidequir was apparently human and she'd been here for years. Was that going to happen to me too?

…no, I had to hold onto hope. If I was brought from my world to here, then there had to be a way back, too.

I just…needed to find it.

Burhalla weaved around a building, and headed into the forest. A flurry of smells assaulted my new nose: orans and pechas and cheris and many other berries. But what I was most curious about was what Burhalla was doing. It was like he knew exactly where to go, almost like he was following some sort of guide.

"Um, Burhalla? What are you doing?" I asked, scratching the side of my head.

… It couldn't make it past my new whiskers. I missed being able to reach my forehead.

"Following the connection lines!" Burhalla answered with a grin. "They're lines I can see for a while after shattering that connection orb. They—"

"Woah, there's something weird up ahead!" Saltriv interrupted.

I looked ahead of us, and saw…a dome of darkness. I couldn't see into it at all.

"That's…huh. Never seen a mystery dungeon entrance look like that before," Burhalla said, frowning. "And last I checked, Twig Woodland was the only mystery dungeon this close to the village."

It looked like the entrance to Blistering Shore, except instead of being like a wall, it was…this.

…this was a mystery dungeon, wasn't it?

"Are…we going in?" I asked, glancing over at the dome.

"Of course! We should investigate and tell everyone all about it so no one accidentally wanders in! Plus, the connection lines lead here, so Dreepy is probably inside!" Saltriv said with a wave of their leaf.

"Yeah! And we have an escape orb in case it's too much for us," Burhalla added.

Another mystery dungeon, so soon after the blanket fort. More of those confusing passageways and mazes. More of those horrid dungeon mon attacking me and ambushing me when I least expected it. I… didn't think I was ready for that.

But…it was at least better than being alone.

I took a deep breath, and said, "O…Ok. Let's go."

"That's the spirit!" Saltriv cheered, before darting into the dome with Burhalla.

I hesitated for a few seconds, before following after them.

Illusory Grotto 1F​

As we walked into the dungeon, I looked around. The walls were made out of blankets, and—

No, no no no no! Not here! Not this place again!

The pain it hurt it hurt it hurt I remembered it so clearly the Shuppet and the Curse and Missingno and it's all flooding back.

I wanted to go home. I wanted out of here. I wanted to go back. I wanted to go. I wanted to go.

I let out a wail. I tried to run back out the entrance. I stumbled over something. I landed on my stomach.

Help help help I needed to get out of here I needed out I needed out I needed out—

Something warm and scaly wrapped around me and I screamed and thrashed in its grip. No no no! Help me! Help me—

"Gen! Gen, it's just me!" Burhalla said, and I realized that the warm scaly things were his arms, hugging me. "It's ok, nothing bad happened!"

"B-but the blanket f-fort…and…and…" I whimpered, feeling myself tremble. I saw Burhalla and Saltriv glance at each other with concerned looks on their faces.

"It's ok. If you don't feel safe here, you can go back ahead of us. We won't judge you. I know you went through a lot back in the blanket fort," Burhalla said, rubbing my shoulder.

"N-no! I…" I managed to say between rapid breaths. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't go back or I'd be alone. I couldn't. I couldn't I couldn't I—

"Let's go back," Saltriv said, leaf drooped over their back. They were shaking too. Were they also scared right now? "Gen, you can stay with mom and Team Seedlings while…we explore here."

"NO! I…" I hesitated, then said, "I…I want to stay with you."

I needed to endure this. I needed to endure this or I'd be alone.

For a moment, stopped shaking, and frowned at me.

"Are you sure? You look really scared…" Saltriv said.

"I'm…I'm sure," I said. I didn't know if I really was, but it was either this, or being alone without my only friends in this world.

I'd choose this in a heartbeat over being alone.

"...alright, if you're sure," Burhalla said, letting go of me.

I took a deep breath, then, clutching onto my reunion cape for comfort, I stood back up.

Just…endure it. Just endure it. I just needed to endure it all. It wouldn't be forever. It couldn't be forever.

There had to be a way back. A way away from all of this and back to the safety of my home and family…

"Wait, why does it look like the blanket fort anyways? It's all the way back in my room!" Saltriv said, looking around, and I followed their gaze. There were blankets of every color I could think of, reds and blues and greens and yellows and it was almost like I was right back in the rainbow void—

No, I had to stay calm. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

"I…have no clue. This is really weird, now that you mention it," Burhalla said, before staring at something near my feet.

"Um, what is it?" I asked.

"Gen…look down," he said, with wide eyes. I looked down, and saw a green orb with yellow spots. There was a pure white silhouette in the center, looking almost like some sort of sprouting seed. That must have been what I stumbled over. What was so special about it, though?

Saltriv's leaf kept twitching as they stared at the orb. "That's…that's a Revive All Orb!"

"Uh…wh-what's that?" I asked, tapping the orb with my foot.

"It's an extremely rare orb! They're only rarely found with really strong dungeon Pokemon!" Saltriv said, before looking around. "But I don't see any dungeon Pokemon here at all…"

…those strong Pokemon were right around the corner, weren't they?

"We'll have to brace ourselves for a really tough time here…unless…" Burhalla let out a gasp. "The rumors must be true!"

"What do you mean? What rumors?" I asked, trembling.

"'There's said to be strange, illusory dungeons that appear from time to time.' Ones that also have revive orbs in them, but without strong Pokemon," Burhalla said, pacing back and forth. "They're called Illusory Grottos, and they take the appearance of other mystery dungeons. I always thought they were just a bunch of made-up stories, but if this dungeon looks like the blanket fort, and we found a Revive All Orb here…"

"Then this must be an Illusory Grotto!" I realized, my eyes widening. "Um…h-how dangerous are they?"

"Not very dangerous at all. They don't even have dungeon Pokemon…at least, according to the rumors," Burhalla said, frowning.

"Wait, but are we sure this is an Illusory Grotto? Don't those only appear to those who have recently suffered a great loss?" Saltriv asked, swaying their leaf to the side.

"Yeah, that's what all the stories about them say," Burhalla said, picking up the orb. "That's why I thought they didn't exist. None appeared to me after…mom died."

I saw his tail flame dim a bit. Maybe we shouldn't continue this conversation.

"Um…can we continue on?" I asked, glancing around at the blanket walls. "I don't want to stay here any longer than we have to."

"Sounds good to me, really. We can talk as we explore," Burhalla said, heading towards a corridor to the left. Me and Saltriv followed after him, and I saw Saltriv glancing towards me, head tilted.

"Gen, do you think the great loss is something that happened to you?" Saltriv asked, and I felt myself tense up.

"What do you mean by a 'great loss'?" I asked, fidgeting with my reunion cape.

"Something really bad happening to you, like losing a loved one," Burhalla answered, swishing his tail.

…that…sounded a lot like what happened to me. Being ripped away from my family and world and forced into this body was really really bad.

"And you think…that happened to me?" I asked, looking down at myself.

"Everything seems to be pointing to it, at least. And you did lose your memories… something bad could have happened to you before we met you," Burhalla said. "Maybe… you lost your family? It'd explain why you were all alone."

My eyes widened, and I felt my breaths begin to speed up. Was… was that why this dungeon appeared? Because I got separated from my family? Did that mean that I'd never see them again? There had to be a way back, right? Right? What exactly was the criteria for a "great loss" to cause an Illusory Grotto? Would just me being temporarily separated from my family count? It had to, right? Wait, did this mean the dungeon knew what happened to me? Was it alive somehow? Was it being controlled by someone? Did whoever was controlling it know I was human? Was—

"Burhalla, don't you think you're overthinking it a bit? Maybe this loss is just Gen losing his memories?" Saltriv suggested, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I… don't think so, Saltriv," Burhalla said, scratching his forehead. "None of the humans encountered Illusory Grottos soon after waking up. Why would it be different for a normal Pokémon who lost his memories?"

Wait… did the other humans lose their memories? Was…was that why Acacia and Lidequir thought I might be one?

Oh no.

They were onto me because of my lie about being amnesiac.

This… I'd really gotten myself into a big mess, hadn't I?

"Oh, there's the staircase!" Saltriv said, as we entered another room. Just like they said, there was a staircase, and a sprouting seed that looked very similar to the silhouette in the Revive All Orb.

"Oh, nice, a reviver seed!" Burhalla said, picking the seed up and putting it in his bag. "Let's go!"

Together, we headed up the stairs, as my mind raced with thoughts about how screwed I was.

===================================================================

Illusory Grotto 2F, Five Minutes Later

Burhalla​

As we trekked through the Illusory Grotto, my mind raced with thoughts about what sort of great loss could have caused it. The allure of the reviver seeds we kept finding did little to stave those thoughts away.

It couldn't have been mom's death. That was two years ago.

Could it have been from Saltriv having shadow powers now? I still didn't know what to think about that, though they were definitely still my best friend. Maybe that was it, though it still seemed a bit far-fetched. They didn't seem that bothered by it after the initial shock.

It most likely had something to do with Gen. I still knew so little about the mysterious Oshawott. He lost his memories, he has problems with anxiety, he doesn't like being alone, and he woke up next to Saltriv in the middle of Twig Woodland. That's all I knew about him. For all I knew, he could have suffered a great tragedy before I found him. Nobody said you had to remember your great loss for an Illusory Grotto to form, right?

It honestly worried me sometimes, having a teammate that I knew so little about. Still, I didn't regret letting him on the team or being friends with him one bit. Sure, he was cowardly and struggling with moves, but he was kind, I could see he was trying his best, and he hadn't lied to me at all.

What could have happened to make him lose his memory, though? He couldn't have been a human, or he'd have mentioned it long before now, like all the other humans. Could whatever happened to him to cause that also have something to do with whatever that great loss was?

Gah, I had no idea! There's so many pieces of the puzzle, but none of them fit together, no matter how hard I try!

There has to be a solution, though. There has to be a way to make it all make sense! I had to figure it out, I had to! I told Gen we'd uncover what happened to him! If we can't do that, then…

I had to find out. For my new friend.

"Um…maybe the Illusory Grotto didn't form for us? Maybe it appeared for someone else, and we just…found it?" Gen suggested, glancing around at the blanket walls.

… I suppose it'd be a possibility, but…

"That seems unlikely. Illusory Grottos are said to only last a couple hours. We'd have to be incredibly lucky to stumble upon one for someone else," I said, flicking my tail.

"Maybe it was for Drakloak?" Saltriv said, swaying their leaf to the side. "This was on the way to Dreepy."

That…was a good point. They had just lost Dreepy, after all.

"That's true…" I said. I hoped not, though. That almost certainly wouldn't mean anything good for Dreepy.

"The staircase!" Saltriv exclaimed, and I looked up. There it was! I wondered how many floors this would be.

Nonetheless, we had to keep going! We had to find Dreepy!

===================================================================

Illusory Grotto 3F, Five Minutes Later

Gen​

Deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out.

This was a safe place. There were no dungeon Pokemon here. Nothing was coming to hurt me. I wasn't going to get hurt. I wasn't going to get hurt.

I needed to keep going, or I'd be all alone.

My eyes kept glancing around at the blanket walls. With all their different colors, it was almost like…

Like the rainbow void.

No no no no no stop thinking about that stop stop stop no no no I wanted to go home I wanted to go home help help help—

"Are you sure you're ok?" Burhalla asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I took a few deep breaths. I couldn't let myself be left behind.

"...yeah. I am," I said. I needed to keep going. I needed to.

"Alright," Burhalla said. He picked up a seed off the floor, and we pressed on.

Soon, we came to an open room. I could see a light at the back of it. That must be the exit. We were almost out. We were almost out—

I yelped, as something started to appear in front of us. It looked to have three ferocious heads, ragged, three-part wings, and a torn tail.

Oddly, though, it seemed…translucent?

Nevermind that, how were we going to beat a Hydreigon?! Aren't they super hostile and aggressive?!

"I thought there weren't supposed to be dungeon Pokemon here!" I screamed, clutching tightly onto my reunion cape.

"There aren't!" Burhalla said, getting into a fighting stance. "We can take it, though! We're almost out!"

I braced for battle, and saw my teammates do the same. I didn't feel confident, though. Dragon-types resisted all three of our types…

Wait, why were Saltriv's eyes wide?

"Wait…I think that's the Voice of Life!" Saltriv exclaimed.

Wait, what? Did that mean it was really powerful or something?

"Voice of Life? What do you mean?!" I asked, trembling.

The Hydreigon looked straight at me. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest! But…it only gave me a sad, sympathetic look.

Then, just as quickly as it appeared, it faded away, like it was never there to begin with. My grip on my reunion cape only got tighter. What just happened?! Was it still there, or was it gone? Was it going to attack?

"What…what was that all about?!" I asked.

"I…don't know," Burhalla said. "I didn't know that the Voice of Life could appear in these places. Then again, I didn't even know these even really existed until we entered here."

"Was it something to do with Gen, maybe?" Saltriv suggested, and my eyes widened in fear. Did that Hydreigon somehow know I was human? Was it going to tell my teammates, or anyone else?! If it did know that I was human, how? Could anyone else figure it out?

"Let's discuss it as we go on. We have to find Dreepy!" Burhalla said, and Saltriv nodded.

"Let's go, then," I said, letting go of my reunion cape. Finally, we'd be out of this place.

But what just happened? Why was that "Voice of Life" looking at me like that? What was the "great loss" that made this place? What did this all mean for me?

I'd have to worry about that later. I didn't want to spend another second here.

Together, the three of us exited the illusory blanket fort.

 

[GumPlum]

Heya, I promised to read and review your story up to where it’s at and this is it! This will be more stream of consciousness on my thoughts on the story, not so much a line-by-line analysis or going through each chapter.

First off, I think your story is plenty good, and has plenty of potential! I remember reviewing the first 2 chapters a while ago and being a bit apprehensive at the start, but you’ve largely sold me on this story with the full 14 so far! The story’s developed quite a bit, and so have the main trio which I appreciate greatly! I’d say the characters are this story’s best quality, aside from the little bits of worldbuilding which are great too. Obviously, Gen, Saltriv, and Burhalla are well developed, and I appreciate that you let the story spend time on individual scenes with them where I get to read their thoughts and feelings. (Though something I’m looking forward to hopefully happening is more characters getting that focus and development. It’s been pretty squarely focused on them so far, but that’s fair because it’s still early.) I think I like Burhalla most of the characters so far due to his own personality and situation with his family, but Gen easily has the most intrigue to him. I was pleasantly surprised when we got to meet the past humans and partner teams, and the Dewott was named Gen, so I endlessly wonder what that’s all about. Similarly, I’m very interested in seeing how his whole situation develops as he continually falls deeper into lies upon lies. I do like the emphasis that him lying as much as he does is more of a panic decision for safety, born out of his confusion and fear in his situation. This was best shown with Lidequir and Acacia, who clearly provide a safe space for him to speak, but his fear of his situation and what admitting his lies could unravel for him just cause him to hide even more. That was shown off plenty well.

Also, I think you write Gen’s different emotional states really well and using the sleepover as a constant reminder of his home was an excellent choice in my opinion. That and his uncomfortableness with his new body sell his general sadness greatly, and at this point I do care about seeing how everything unfolds for him. He obviously finds comfort in his friends, but is distrusting of mostly everything else in some way (and his lies only complicate this more, like with Burhalla’s hatred of lies, which is founded on a good base of what happened with his father.) That comfort is great because it extends to Saltriv's own struggles with keeping a happy facade despite their odd shadow Pokémon qualities. The diary scene with scratched off text was great for this (I also really love how you take advantage of the online text format and really change up stuff like with Arctozolt too. I just don’t see it much, if at all, so it’s a lovely part of the fic’s experience on TR.)

The worldbuilding in general is also really interesting, as I said before. Stuff like the different continents, how the past games’ protagonists formed a little group to deal with the crisis and support humans that come here. It connects the world a lot through the eyes of these previous protagonists, offering up a more expansive perspective of the world, rather than sticking to just Gen’s sheltered situation. I do also like that they know a crisis is inbound because of the mailbox and letter, but there hasn’t been much indication as to what that crisis is, aside from maybe shadow Pokémon and the disappearances. (I mean, I know a bit from talking to you, but now I wonder how it all connects :v) To that end, I do like that you mix a lot of different mechanics and elements from the games into this story, though I worry about their implementation somewhat. It’s nothing bad or anything, but I wonder how much significance dynamax will have in comparison to shadow Pokémon, and a bit of other stuff. You should look out for giving each of them the right time to explore and develop, because they’ll likely fight for attention and me as the reader doesn’t want to see any of them dropped either. Either way, I trust you to do well in this regard.

Now, if I were to say if I had any concerns with this fic, I’d say there’s two, btu they’re nothing egregious, so don’t worry much. First, when reading, I found myself at times wanting to simply know more information or narration about certain things. I understand if you don’t do this because of your writing style, but I do sometimes feel like it can be a bit of a detriment to forming an image in my head. I particularly felt this in chapter 9 with the appearance of Zarude. Though their introduction and words were certainly intriguing, it fell a bit flat to me because there was no buildup to their arrival, or description of their body language or tone in arrival. For someone who appears so suddenly, is a legendary (or mythical, I don’t remember :v) and says something so clearly striking, there isn’t much gravitas to the scene. As it is now, Zarude just appears, says the thing, and the scene is over. I think something like this could’ve benefitted well from more narration or atmosphere building, so that this unknown character’s arrival and words have weight to them other than surprise factor. Again, this wasn’t too egregious, and the rest of the scene is perfectly good, but Zarude as it stands just kind of happens and then we break away to something else and we haven’t cut back to that. Regardless, I look forward to reading whatever is up with them, because they deserve the importance and weight their appearance calls for.

The second concern is more of a personal thing, but the withholding of information is sometimes really apparent, or there’s a lack of expanding on present topics. There’s nothing wrong with keeping information from the reader, but when Gen is wondering about stuff but doesn’t ask, or asks and is then either dismissed or told an incomplete answer, it ends up feeling like I’m left on a less-than-subtle hook. There’s a series of moments where characters run off to do things while Gen still has worries or thoughts and is about to ask about them, and the more that happens, the more I find myself somewhat not trusting the story to give me answers. I remember reading about the creepy event and attack on PNS-NT and being really interested about what happened, but aside from a mention that it happened the day later, nothing comes from it, nor do characters ask more about it. Similarly, though I understand not being able to ask about the purification process and the statues before and in the ritual, Gen doesn’t ask anything about it afterwards, even though he wonders about it. Both him and I wonder what’s up with these interesting world elements, but then the lack of communication of this leaves me wondering without an answer, and that can be unsatisfying. Now, miscommunication does seem to be a decently big theme of this story and Gen, so I don’t mind it too much (and it can work to your benefit), but it does well to look out for whenever this might conflict with how the reader perceives the story. I love this world and what you show off, so I’m just wanting you to tell me about your world as much as possible (without being overbearing, of course, a balance is always necessary). I want to see and understand the vibrance of your world as you likely do as well.

Regardless of all that rambling about things that bugged me, I do still think this story is good, and I commend you for that. Right now, I’m wondering how the trio will save their current quarry, but especially on what happens after with the past heroes steadily coming into the main plot. As far as my expectations go, I fully expect Gen or his lies to reach a breaking point, and the results of that might be one of the biggest character and emotional beats in this story, since it’s so heavily set up. Aside from that, I wonder what’s going on with Arctozolt, and generally how things will develop. I feel this story still hasn’t reached that *point* that really establishes the plot, or even the main antagonist, you know? (which is completely fine, it’s still early) The future is still fairly vague, but you’re slowly building things up, and I’m fully invested in seeing it unfold!

All in all, great story so far! You’ve got your definite strengths in worldbuilding and characters, and I can’t wait to see how they get even better the more you write! I’m sorry if I rambled or was harsh at some points, but I do genuinely wish the best for this story and want to follow where you want to take it! Admittedly, it may be unfair of me to point out so much when it’s still so relatively early, but that’s my mind whirring with excitement. I can’t wait to see the characters develop, the world expand, and the plot unfold into something that I believe can be plenty special. Keep up the great work!!

 

[Ambyssin]

Blitzy New Year
Disclaimer: Reviews are generally stream of consciousness stuff. Feel free to take with a grain of salt or ignore them entirely.

And since it's been [checks watch] 18 months or so, my memory's going to be a bit foggy on some of these details, but I remember some sort of issue with shadow pokémon and dynamax 'mons showing up in dungeons and it's bad enough for the canon teams of old to gather together.

11: Thank you for brightening the chapter titles ^^
-TRAIN TRAIN CHOOCHOO TRAIN. And a fitting way to introduce 'mon like carkol and coalossal.
-I'm pretty sure these big heroes have had to deal with much shakier rides than a train in the course of their previous adventures.
-Is old!Gen from Johto, too? Because that train connecting Johto and Kanto is outside plenty. Unova is probably the one with trains that run more underground, being based off New York and everything. Would that make old!Gen Unovan?
-I do think that you're better off establishing the passage of time through the prose itself, rather than just listing "25 minutes later" like it's some sort of scene transition card in a Spongebob episode.
-The way these two meganium are talking it sure sounds like there's prophecy levels of intertwined destiny with humans that show up in times of crisis and the first pokémon they run into. Fate and destiny are always difficult subjects to play around with in media. Though it does make me wonder what that means for someone like Gengar, who doesn't fit the criteria. Are there other humans-turned-pokémon running around who are just... stuck here because they're not chosen ones? That's the kind of thing that could turn one misanthropic enough to become a villain. [cough]
-More tense confusion when Acacia meets Gen. You swap into the present tense for a few paragraphs.
-Gen: Did you save the world? Acacia: Yeah, we got that geezer Rayquaza to stop yelling at clouds. (I wonder if destroying the meteor here involved mega evolution...)
-Speaking personally, with a bunch of previous chapters showing Gen's nerves at lying about not being human... I have a tough time believing he can do so effortlessly to someone who's got all this experience under his belt. Surely Acacia would've seen something, like body language that was unlike an oshawott or a subtle recognition in Gen's eyes when he saw human writing. It might've even been interesting for Acacia to realize that, draw the conclusion he's lying, but keep that bit to himself.
-Y'know, if Gen has such a strong sense of smell now as an oshawott... wouldn't that mean his taste is different, too? After all, smell is a large component of taste. :V

12: Times-a pretty good, times-a pretty bad.
-Where did all the extra bedding come from? Do Saltriv's parents forego their bedding for the night? I bet they do. XD
-Oh, hey, his sense of taste is different. Excellent. [evil laugh]
-I now have the amusing mental image of a meganium struggling to sit on a stool. i don't think they're built with quadrupeds in mind.
-I want to say Gen doesn't know about certain fossil 'mons, not Kalosian 'mons in general.
-Hang on... it's been over thirty-five years and Lidequir is still just a wartortle? Not a blastoise? Does she prefer that form or did she slack off on her training?
-I'm... really iffy on what happened with Gen and Lidequir. Irrational thinking is absolutely a thing and a big component of anxiety but doubling down on that irrational thinking in the face of something very tangible that can counter it reads... off to me. I do like that, at this point, he considers returning to his own life good and wouldn't have any serious qualms about leaving Saltriv and Burhalla behind. Since it has only been two days, so jumping to "true BFFs I could never leave" would be a bit much.

13: So-so times. Mediocre times.
-Aww, I'm kinda sad the house part was just a dream. Having a mystery dungeon that's basically house themed but you're super tiny and everything's big sounds cool. It's like what Mario Party DS did.
-I'm still not a big fan of labeling "Dungeon #F" as it feels too gamey for actual prose writing.
-Suddenly Missingno in the void between dungeon floors! That's what Gen gets for trying to do an OOB skip /joke. Those kinds of glitches as an element of dungeons would be a nifty idea. Both an extension and evolution of the void shadow concept in Super, making it thematically appropriate for a Super "sequel." Gen's panic is also done well, hacking at blanket walls like he's being pursued in a horror movie.
-Saltriv recovering the journals makes me wonder if the dungeon would have just... eaten them forever if they hadn't found them. It can spawn items. Can they take them away?
-If Gen really did get hit by Curse that's a heck of a way to describe how it functions. Chilling.
-A lot of the fear is well done here, but this is also reading similarly to the previous dungeon: panic attacks, Saltriv using a shadow move, a random 'mon dynamaxing... or gigantamaxing, in this case. ALL HAIL FLUFFBALL EEVEE. Having the number of dynamax clouds correspond to the number of remaining max moves is a nice visual for the sake of the fic.
-So, they're not dispelling the dungeon. It's just going to be left there in the middle of the house, then.

14: Aaaand back to colored titles that don't work with dark forum themes. 😞
-Not the dreepy! 😭
-I guess I can understand not taking a mission to avoid talking about problems but I do wish there had been a bit more prose selling that this was not the most well thought out decision.
-I believe illusory grottos are an RTDX mechanic. Seems about as 1:1 a transition into a fic as you could make of this particular mechanic... for better or for worse. Again, I'm personally not the biggest fan of dungeon trekking, especially when it attempts to replicate the game mechanics, but here it's done well because it's mainly just a setting backdrop from the introspection that was missed in the initial scene with Saltriv's family.
-Hi Hydreigon, bye Hydreigon. See you when you show up for another ominous appearance.

Since the fic's still in its early stages, I'm going to bring up my two biggest concerns here. First is, of course, the dungeon crawling. The illusory grotto is done well because it's more character focused, but for the full fledged dungeons, I caution you against falling into pattern. Both main dungeons so far have had similar things take place, though Missingno is a big difference. If you're dedicated to the shadow and dynamax stuff, I encourage you to think of some different ways to implement these so they don't get stale. For example, maybe one of Team Searchlights needs to dynamax to navigate the team through a roadblock or obstacle that would be insurmountable otherwise. Or perhaps a battle that implements a move like Shadow Sky which puts Team Searchlights in immediate danger and on a tight timer to defeat their foe.

The second thing is Gen's big secret. I understand that, with regards to the overall narrative, this is very important... but, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure how much longer my suspension of disbelief can hold on to Gen getting away with it with nobody suspecting he's lying. If someone is, the prose ought to make that clear sooner, rather than later. But I'm having a tough time believing Gen can get away with fooling multiple adults, including very seasoned heroes. It feels to me as if you have a specific point in the plot in mind for when the lie gets revealed. I can understand not wanting to budge on it if it's such a crucial plot element, but that means you really need to take the effort to make sure what leads up to that point is solid. Whether that means adjusting things so some of these veteran characters see through the lies but chose not to call Gen out on it... or something else that's not coming to mind. It's still early, thankfully, but I'm not sure how much longer you can realistically afford to have Gen keep up the act if he's not just arround his teammates.

There's clearly a lot of love for the source material, though. I can tell reading this you care deeply about PMD mythos and expanding it in a way that anyone can understand and enjoy. So, kudos on that.

 

[HelloYellow17]

HOWDY HEY

Man, it’s been such a long time since I’ve revisited ES. Way too long, I’m so sorry! 😭 I was immediately excited to hop back in, especially once I realized I’d left off RIGHT BEFORE THE SLEEPOVER CHAPTER AAAAAH

Anyway, let’s dive in! So much happens in these chapters!

Spoiler: Chapter 11

At least the perches hanging from the ceiling for flying Pokemon seemed like they were doing their job well. The seats on the sides for bipedal Pokemon similarly looked alright. The gray eyedrop wood they were made of didn't seem too comfortable, but they had handles to hold onto, and at least they offered a clear view through the windows.

Oh, I love this description of the train! It’s so fun to imagine a train created for all kinds of species. Kinda gives me Zootopia vibes!

Well, "comfortably" if you could overlook the train doing its best to knock you to the floor every few seconds.

Haha, one thing I really enjoy about your writing is the way you write different character voices and narrations. You do a nice job of making them distinct!

"... I know you were Mew before, but I still don't understand you, Leviene," I replied as we all walked out of the carriage, and into Overcast Village.

Wait WHAT. MEW? Is this a reference to a PMD game I haven’t played? Will this be relevant to the plot? And what does Acacia mean by “before”? Are they no longer a Mew now?

"She said it was the least she could do after all that we've been through.

Missing some quotation marks at the end of this sentence!

"Doesn't seem like he's the next human, unfortunately. Though… there was one thing that has me thinking."

Oh. Ohh. Oh dear. “The” next human? I guess it should have been obvious, since humans pretty much only get sent to the PMD world in times of crisis and they’re the chosen one to save the world, etc. But somehow I didn’t put two and two together until now: Gen is THE human meant to resolve the next crisis. This makes his whole lying spiel so much worse, OH NO

And if Acacia had already asked Gen directly about his memories and he didn't mention being human, that almost completely ruled him out.

I think “Acacia” is meant to be “Sturece” here? Since Acacia is the one narrating.

I couldn't help but know she was right. Absol showing up to save us from Articuno and subsequently joining our team, and Ninetales stopping Team ACT just before they could finish us off were both lucky breaks that saved our lives.

Yay, a reference to a PMD game I’ve played! :D (my own fault for not playing more than BRT and RTDX, lol)

I enjoy these little hints and Easter eggs, though. They don’t disrupt the story, they just add some nice flavor!

"Even if you shouldn't have gone off without equipment like that, I'm not mad. I'm proud of you for saving Flapple."

While I understand everyone’s reasons for not scolding Saltriv, I still think it warrants a “just be more careful in the future” or something along those lines. Yes, what they did was heroic, but it was also reckless!

There was that whole thing when we were saving the world, though, with everyone in Pokemon Square thinking Lidequir was the cause of the disasters because he was human…

I keep noticing changes in Lidequir’s pronouns. Is this deliberate? I admit I’ve been a bit confused, especially since we are introduced to several new characters at once so I’m already busy keeping track of them and differentiating them from one another.

and then there was what Gen and Vernir said they discovered about Munna's gang hunting down humans during the crisis of the Bittercold…

Oh. OH. OHHHHHH

It just clicked that the Gen in A Way To Reunite is NOT the same Gen here in ES! This makes a lot more sense, since I remember wondering who Vernir was lololol. Fascinating!

He couldn't be lying about not being human because he had no reason to.

Ahahaha, Acacia I have some news for you

Spoiler: Chapter 12

"Well it certainly shows! Thank you, Saltriv!" I said. I could feel myself beginning to shake… for once it wasn't from worry or fear, but with... excitement.

Awww babby’s first slumber party, YAY

Is… Is it because I'm an Oshawott now? Do things just taste different to Pokemon?

… actually that made sense. I never tried to eat Pokémon food back home, but it didn't exactly look appetizing to me. They're so different from humans, so even if we ate the exact same food, why wouldn't the way they tasted be different, too?

So then as long as I was stuck like this, I couldn't even taste things like how I used to anymore...

Oh this was so sad. You really do a great job of outlining so many minute details about becoming a Pokémon—not just “oh I have a tail now!” It goes far beyond that, with enhanced senses and different tastebuds altogether. Things people don’t normally think about!

Blankets of many different colors were draped around five stools positioned around our beds, covering them from almost all sides. There was a small opening between two orange blankets in the front, from which I could see pillows of a similar range of colors as the blankets all around the inside, as well as our beds.

Even if it was more work than I expected, it looked pretty nice, and really cozy to boot!

BENCH I wanna build a fort now and it’s all your fault! 😂 This sounds SO fun and cozy and it brings back fun nostalgic memories. I’m seriously looking around my living room trying to figure out how I can make a fort now 😂

"Well, we could play a game or two… how about One Night Ultimate Human?"

Hahahaha okay this made me snort

Before I could finish, I felt a pair of scaly hands wrap around me. I looked up, seeing Burhalla hugging me.

"It's ok," he said, softly smiling at me. "You didn't do anything wrong. As long as you're trying, I'm sure you'll get it eventually. And it's just one game we can't do, anyways."

Awww hugs. HUGS. 😭 Gen needs all the hugs. I love how sweet Burhalla is with him.

"Hard to believe it's only been two days since we met you, Gen. Feels like it's been so much longer," Burhalla said, finishing his muffin.

Wow has it really only been two days? So much has happened! No wonder Gen is still shell-shocked and actively homesick. Being turned into a Pokémon is rough enough, but then he’s been getting into all kinds of craziness to boot!

Had it really only been two days since I ended up like this? I could've sworn it'd been longer…

Hahaha same brain

"Thank you…thank you…" I said, my tears splashing onto the floor. I felt a pair of scaly arms wrap around me, followed by a pair of vines wiping away my tears.

I love hugs so much, but Saltriv wiping away his tears made this even more sweet. PRECIOUS.

These two honestly have every reason to keep him at arm’s length, given how mysterious his appearance has been and the fact that it’s only been two days. But they are welcoming him wholeheartedly anyways. They are both so so good.

"Maybe…we should sleep, and do more in the morning," I suggested, starting to have trouble keeping my eyes open."

Got an extra set of quotation marks at the end of this paragraph!

No… no, it couldn't be…

Out of the corner of my vision I spotted something lavender. I didn't hesitate to walk over towards it. There on the ground, near the blanket wall, was a sleep seed.

Berry crackers!

This was a mystery dungeon.

Wait HUH

Surely not! Right? This has to be a nightmare?

Also, I’m a fan of “Berry crackers!” Being an exclamation here, haha. (Which begs the question, what are berry crackers? They sound delicious, tbh.)

Spoiler: Chapter 13

A giant, pink and black hand reached out for me. It grabbed me and—

Pink and black hand? Eternatus?? 👀

Wait…garbled, flashing lines of light…no, no it couldn't be! M-MissingNo was supposed to be an urban legend! There were just two major Johtonese legendaries, not some phantom third one like the cheap tabloids in the grocery store sometimes claimed! MissingNo wasn't real!

OHOHOHO? Missingno lore??? It’s a legendary in this universe? This is SPICY. Also wow the description of Missingno is properly horrifying

I could see the darkened entrance as clear as day, the blanket fort had become a mystery dungeon!

…has it? For reals? Right now my theory is that they’re all having nightmares, but it’s interesting if they’re all in a mystery dungeon in said nightmare.

I hope he likes it.

…I hope he's safe.

Aw, classic Saltriv. Always thinking and worrying about others first. Love this little bean.

Huh? What the-? How was Gen hugging me? He shouldn't have enough energy for that while Cursed.

… Was he lying to me?

No, he'd never do something like that. We're friends. He hasn't lied to me yet, and he was so scared after he'd hurt me. I trust him.

Oh ouch ouch ouch. The reveal is gonna HURT and I will not be prepared

It was Missingno, I recognized the garbled lines of light and skeletal appearance from the covers of fantasy stories… Did… that mean the legends were really true? Were there really three major Legendary Pokémon of Johto long ago? Lugia, Ho-oh, and Missingno?

So Missingno is a counterpart to Lugia and Ho-oh? I wonder what its powers are, and what it “rules over” or represents as part of the trio.

"Point being, there's no real pattern to them. They just...appear," Burhalla said, his fire dimming. "I wish I could tell you more."

Well shoot okay this IS a mystery dungeon. That popped out of nowhere. In Saltriv’s own home. While they were all sleeping.

Good gravy that is TERRIFYING. I imagine it’s hard for anyone to feel safe if not even their own homes are immune to this sort of thing!

Though…if water-type moves needed calm to happen, what sort of emotion did bug-type moves need?

… Yeah, I'll wait until we're out of here to worry about that.

Ohhhh I’d forgotten that emotions were tied to typings and moves! I’m a huge fan of that. I’m thinking bug type is associated with…panic? Or at least in Gen’s case. Maybe pure survival instinct?

No wonder he’s having a hard time learning water moves, eheh.

"Vee? Eev Eevee!"

OMG A BABY HAS APPEARED THIS IS NOT A DRILL

"Eevee!" the Eevee cried, crouching like it was ready to pounce.

But it wasn't looking at me, Saltriv, or Burhalla.

It was looking directly at the red beam of light.

Ha. Haha. Ahahahaha oh NO this is terrible but also I’m laughing 😂 NO EEVEE IT IS NOT GIGA-PLAYTIME

It would be adorable if it wasn't towering over all of us and able to squish us by rolling over.

I’m dying. I’m just picturing this giant ball of fluff flopping on its side or rolling around like a dog in the grass and destroying everything. Cutest cause of death ever?

Soon, there was just a regularly-sized Eevee, looking completely confused. It looked around, before yawning and lying down, closing its eyes.

This is the most cat-like thing I’ve ever read. Insane energy level output one minute, and the next, they’re conked out on the floor. 😂 I LOVE IT, I wanna take this baby home with me please and thanks

What a ride! I have so many questions! It’s starting to become clearer now why Gen is needed in this world. And who is behind all of this, I wonder? Surely Missingno has a role to play in all of this. And if it’s a being of chaos, Mystery Dungeons popping up anywhere at random definitely sounds up their alley.

This was a great read! I loved seeing more development between Gen and his friends, and getting a closer look at Saltriv’s internal struggles. It’s going to be a TIME when everything connects!

 

[HelloYellow17]

Back for another review! I’m in the process of tweaking my review style just a little bit for blitz so that I don’t burn out, so bear with me if this review is formatted a little differently from my previous one today!

First, I picked out a few line quotes to focus on:

Spoiler: Ch 14 quotes

"It'll be ok. We just need to find the next human, and then we can fix all this," Lidequir said, his usual joking tone gone.

First of all, I love Lidequir and she is rapidly becoming my favorite side character. Second, just wanted to point out another inconsistent pronoun here for your editing purposes!

"Kids, don't worry. We'll make it through this," mom assured us, a gentle smile on her face. "This is just another calamity. We—"

Sturece, I love you and you are very sweet, bht “This is just another calamity” is not be comforting sentence you think it is 😂

I kid, I kid. I know that “calamity” is PMD lingo for another event that summons a human. Although…given that all of those events are often massive threats to the whole world, is that still comforting? 😳

"Everything seems to be pointing to it, at least. And you did lose your memories… something bad could have happened to you before we met you," Burhalla said. "Maybe… you lost your family? It'd explain why you were all alone."

BURHALLA MY GUY COULD YOU HAVE MAYBE BEEN A LITTLE MORE GENTLE OR SAVED THIS FOR LATER 😂😱

The allure of the reviver seeds we kept finding did little to stave those thoughts away.

A healthy stash of reviver seeds is always a good thing to have. Though, from my own experience playing PMD, an abundance of reviver seeds usually means something sinister is ahead…oh dear.

There has to be a solution, though. There has to be a way to make it all make sense! I had to figure it out, I had to! I told Gen we'd uncover what happened to him! If we can't do that, then…

Haha Burhalla is all of us right now. “Too many questions! Not enough answers! Make it make sense!”

Wow this chapter gave me EVEN MORE questions and frankly I am absolutely here for it. Unanswered questions really get me hooked into the story because I crave information! 😂 And this is something you do well—sometimes fics leave tons of questions for the readers, but the story is already predictable enough that the answers are plain as day, and then it can feel like the author is just stringing you along. But that’s not the case here! I genuinely don’t know what’s going to happen next, or how all the pieces fit together just yet, and it’s exciting!

The Illusory Grotto has me SO 👀👀👀 because I have no idea if this is a mechanic from PMD games or if it’s something you created. My first thought was “OMG A DISTORTION WORLD MYSTERY DUNGEON?” But it sounds like that’s not quite the case here. And it only manifests after a great loss? The fact that we don’t even KNOW what loss triggered this is…wow. YIKES. There are few things more nerve wracking than knowing there’s been a big threat or tragedy but not knowing what it is!

Combined with the fact that there were tons of revival items but no Pokémon makes it even more unnerving.

Saltriv running from their problems and charging into the dungeon is fantastic. We love a character that’s perfectly fine and has no problems! :) :) :)

Even though Gen stayed out of fear of being alone, I’m still proud of him, in a way. Obviously that fear isn’t healthy and I hope he is able to confront it eventually, but in the meantime, he’s still confronting so many other scary things all at once, all the time, and he’s so determined to see things through (even if his motivation right now is one out of fear.) I hope by constantly overcoming hard things, he gets the courage to face his deepest fears when the time comes!

 

[canisaries]

Hi! Here to review two chapters as per our exchange. Looks like I've already reviewed chapters 1-2 ages ago, so I'll read and review 3 and 4.

“Everyone knows about them!

Missing closing quote.

The stairs for this floor are just up ahead,”

Comma instead of period.

Also to my right, there was a small pink heart-shaped thing, with lighter spots near the point of it, and two green leaves on the opposite side. I’m pretty sure that was a pecha berry.

It's odd that the berry is described like something Gen has never seen before (to the point where he doesn't even recognize it as a fruit instead of just a "thing") when just right after he has a pretty good idea of what it is.

About the Kecleon brothers...Leon’s gone missing.

well with his way with directions, is anyone surprised

“Hello? Who are you?” I asked it, only to be swiftly answered by it ramming its beak into my forehead.

lmao owned

I had to do something against this. Come on, what moves did Oshawotts know? Water gun? Totodiles can know it, so maybe other water-type starters can as well? How do I do it, though? Do I just say it? Just point at it? Just imagine doing it? Couldn’t hurt to try all three at once. I pointed my free arm at the Pokemon, and yelled, “Water gun!” trying to imagine a stream of water being shot at it.

Nothing happened. It pecked at me again. Ow. I think that one broke the skin.

laughed at this

To our right, there was a Weedle next to a brown Pokemon that resembled a Pachirisu.

I like that Gen doesn't know every Pokemon by heart. It's not like people in real life know every type of animal, either.

He dug into his bag, and pulled out a small, round blue object with a short green top.

Another instance of that describing-something-familiar-as-if-you've-never-seen-anything-like-it-before thing. I think it could at least be described as fruit rather than an object.

I shuddered as the memory of the most recent time came back. Listening to the news about how Kyogre and Groudon were rampaging near Hoenn, frantically packing only the necessities before leaving the house, getting lost in the crowd and separated from my family as everyone in Goldenrod evacuated, calling out for help to no avail...If that brawl had made its way to Johto—

This is interesting. I rarely get to hear about normal civilians' experiences with legendaries.

I ran towards the two, and together, the three of us headed along the path towards the sunset.

No words were spoken for some time. I think we were all just relieved to be out of that place. I know I was.

A minor thing - every now and then, it feels a little like a paragraph has been split into multiple ones when it would be just fine or better as one.

“Berry crackers. I’ve been found out,” I heard him mumble under his breath.

ay yo watch your FUCKING language

“Well, se-se-seems like Burhalla’s fine, and they even brought back Saltriv and this Oshawott!

Referring to Burhalla as 'they' instead of 'he'?

I didn’t remember if the Porygon line were normal-type or psychic-type.

Again, appreciate that Gen can make mistakes like this.

This lie couldn’t end well.

the tagline of the entire fic

“Thanks, dad!” Saltriv exclaimed, their expression full of joy. That Torterra must be their father, then.

I don't really know why, but I just like that the starters have starter parents matching their type.

---

General Comments

ARCTOZOLT! I didn't expect them to show up so soon in this fic; I'd gotten the impression they were more a later-game character, but I gues that's not the case. I found it interesting that Arcto refers to Zolt in the second person - it's kind of a unique mix of first and second person. I did find the yellow text a liiittle hard to read on my theme (Bright Skies), though.

This chapter does well to establish the looks and the rules of mystery dungeons in this adaptation, and I would assume that's something important for PMD fics (the kind that actually have MDs and aren't just talking pokemon like my stuff). It works as a nice little mini-adventure to frame the chapter's events.

I do like that Gen's motivation for not telling the truth becomes stronger as time goes on instead of it just remaining a split-second decision he would have clung to just out of stubbornness. The "Pokemon faking being amnesiac humans" especially makes it so that his story is more unbelievable, and Burhalla disliking lies making Gen uncertain about coming clean about lying makes sense, especially for someone that seems as insecure and anxious as Gen.

I think that's it for my thoughts! If you have any questions, feel free to contact me on Discord or whatever. Until next time, see you around.

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Hello hello! I'm here for our review exchange, and right off the bat I love how quickly the tone of the fic is set. There's a lot of mystery surrounding, well, everything! I'm enjoying how things are confusing and unnatural for both our protagonist and for the reader at the same time. Although, perhaps some of the strangeness on my part comes from being unfamiliar with PMD, but that also puts me squarely in Gen's shoes. For those who are unfamiliar with the series, it makes Gen all the more relatable.

I've already jumped right in as you can see, but this review will cover Chapters 1 and 2, since I read them in one continuous session. What's really interesting just from my limited knowledge of PMD is that you do a good job of not only selling the mystery of the whole situation, but driving the point that as unnatural as it is for Gen, it's *also* unnatural for the inhabitants of the PMD world. The unsettling shadows and imagery of the psychedelic dream world becoming ominous, to the pragmatic way that Burhalla approaches the missing villagers as commonplace. Something is very deeply wrong, and it's not just that a human has been turned into an Oshawott! You set a dire undertone to the magic of the PMD-verse, and I imagine this thread isn't going to let up any time soon.

I really like a lot of the little mentions that clue us in to what the world is like without outright telling the reader. I definitely had a lot of questions right from the start of Chapter 1, but as I kept reading, more and more details came to light to answer my questions. Wondering about Gen; was he a human from the real world? Or from a trainer-world? What was happening with these shadowy pokemon he was commanded to save? Who was this fire type narrating in Chapter 2? How did he know Saltriv? How did Burhalla know how to prepare himself for a rescue mission? All of these were answered, and more, without needing to explicitly info dump about them; it's great natural storytelling.

I definitely will admit some of the more PMD specific terminology did leave me a bit lost. "Fire type V-wave?" No idea what that is. However, the way it's introduced tells me it's beneficial for fire types, which seems like the most important information for someone unfamiliar to glean from it. So kudos to you for writing about things in an understandable manner, even if they are unfamiliar to every reader. I also enjoy that the normalcy of the PMD world comes across in Burhalla's narration. It may be new and fantastical to me, but to him, it's every day, nothing new. You do a great job of grounding me in the PMD world because of that, even with Gen's distress of everything being new to him as well.

I'll wrap this one up here, but my two favorite things were:
- when the mailbox snapped off at the post in the most terrifying way possible. *LOVE* the way that set me right on edge that something was very, very wrong.
- and the great contextual reveal that Gen has indeed become an Oshawott. "Everything seems so tall now, that's odd" immediately followed by a faceplant! Even with all the tension in the air, it got a genuine laugh out of me. Loved it.
- Oh also that cover art is *gorgeous* and goes so well with the opening chapters' tone.

Looking forward to learning about and exploring more of the world of ES!

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Yellow and blue text?? Speaking to each other??? Is this who I think it is???? (V excited to get to know arctozolt more, especially with the HA campaign coming up soon.) I didn't expect to get to see them so soon in ES. And *very* intrigued that they know about Unova, and that they came from Unova, despite being canonically a Galarian fossil? So many questions from such a short little section, it's great.

And then the exploration of Gen's first dungeon. I'm glad he asked so many questions of Burhalla and Saltriv, because it gave me some more explanation about how they work, too. I do think this section was a bit less successful than the beginning of the fic in organically introducing PMD-world concepts, but then again, Gen did ask directly.

The real shocker was the reveal that Saltriv has no memory of the time they had disappeared! And a whole month, too! I wonder if everyone who disappeared has been gone for the same length of time? (And are those disappearances all related to the shadowy pokemon Gen met on that mysterious plateau at the very start?) All good questions that keep me invested in the mystery of this world.

Oh, Chapter 4 starts with another great snippet of Gen's history/backstory. I forgot to mention the other little tidbits we got in Chapter 3. I'm really enjoying the slow drip of anecdotes and recollections from Gen brought on by his experiences in this new world.

“I’m not sure if I should believe you. You’re not faking it, trying to pretend to be another amnesiac human sent to save the world?” the Typhlosion interrogated.

and Oh. Oh my goodness, I was *not* expecting this line, in the best possible way. Haha oh dear, I had no idea this would be a *commonplace* thing for the PMD world to experience! I'm so amused by this, though poor Gen. One little white lie and it's all spiralled out of control. (though, I feel kind of bad getting so much amusement out of Gen's misery. First it was the "water gun, go!" moment that had me laughing, and now this. Sorry, Gen!)

I'm glad Saltriv's family agreed to take Gen in, though he is kind of a nervous wreck with having to keep up his lie, and all the pokemon questioning him. It's funny, for all of the amnesia plots out there, I enjoy that in this story, the pokemon are actually skeptical. They don't just wholeheartedly believe Gen, and are trying to figure out how it's possible. It feels very believable, and is a nice little detail in this fic.

A cute domestic scene at Saltriv's house before drifting off to sleep, and then quite an interesting shift of POV. A human coworker of Gen's in the human world? And they worked at a gambling house together? They seemed a little cold-hearted, offering nothing more than an indifferent "oh well" when they see Gen's missing poster. I wonder what their relationship is like beyond simply coworkers, and why they were chosen as the POV character here (receiving the blue ribbon seems important!)

All in all, a nice and intriguing conclusion to the first day of Gen's adventure.

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Oh whoa, I was not expecting a cryptid arctozolt horror section but I am here for it. Love the way you write the Porygon-Z narration. What a fun (and intriguing) section to kick off Chapter 5! (I also realize that the setting of Overcast Village with the gray misty clouds is perfect for like, a zombie apocalypse movie. Even the place where all these unsettling disappearances lends itself to making the reader feel unnerved. It's great!)

“Why do you trust this Pokemon you didn’t know before yesterday more than your own father?” my father demanded.

“Because he hasn’t lied to me like you do!” I shouted back.

Wow. Oof. This hit hard. Poor Burhalla. This is such a great way to portray tough love, because it's not black and white. Typhlosion is right, but he's also wrong. And same with Burhalla. This hits the right mix of gray morality that makes me feel things as a reader.

or maybe even another human turned Pokemon, but later he said he didn’t even remember being human!

Again, I'm so intrigued that this is common knowledge across the PMD-verse you're presenting here. (And after finishing the chapter and coming back to this review, it's wild that there's apparently an entire guild of human-turned-pokemon saviors that exist?? Wild!)

Gen the Dewott

?!?!?!

In the middle of the crater, was a wooden red mailbox, intact save for its post being jagged and half missing, as if it had been snapped off.

“This meeting of the Council of World-Savers is adjourned, then. See you all tomorrow!” Lidequir announced with a wave.

Ayueg and Leviene were the first two to leave, heading towards Pokemon Plaza. Inside the former’s shadow, I followed them, thinking back over what had happened.

This was juicy. So they ALL were going to the Thunder Continent. It was a great decision to spy on this meeting.

Time to bring the news to Necrozma.

What an absolutely INCREDIBLE closing paragraph. Oh man, I love everything about the way you ended this chapter. I didn't even realize this was the first section that wasn't in first person POV until this right here, and then the reveal that it had been first person POV *THE WHOLE TIME* was just icing on the cake, wow. First off, Council of World-Savers, so they're all former humans?? Something hiding in their shadows??? Shadowified pokemon???? This shadowy person is a spy for Necrozma???? Amazing that just four lines can take the mystery and ramp it up tenfold. Fantastic.

 

[canisaries]

Hey there! I'm back for more for our exchange. I've read chapters 5-10. Here we go.

I’d have to do that tomorrow, if I’m allowed to even leave the house by then.

You'll want "if I was" instead of "if I'm" due to the tenses.

I wiped away the tear stains, before closing the journal, and laying it back under the blanket with a vine.

I don't think either of these commas should be there according to grammar rules.

“Let’s talk about what happened to you over the morning news. Then we can write a letter to your uncle about what happened,” Dad said, as he turned the radio on. At least some things didn’t change, like dad always listening to the news in the morning.

Ooh, a radio. I wonder if it works through some kind of magic or regular electricity.

with 8 very special Pokemon.

A chorus of 7 agreements and nods were his response.

When it's a number under thirteen (or possibly up to twenty), it's better written out in letters, I think.

“Did you write this?” Leviene asked, mouth agape.

“No. Even if I didn’t remember writing this, neither part is written in my handwriting or pawwriting,” Gen answered. “I don’t understand. Who wrote this, and why did they use my name?”

Alright, so this Gen isn't a future version of the main Gen. I was wondering that when I read Day of Heroes. I guess we'll have to see what their relation is.

The amazing Sceptile beside Pahelia, Apoyime, nodded in agreement.

I'm not sure how to take the descriptor of "amazing" when it's used without anything specifying

Still haven’t found the stairs.

"Hadn't", I think. It's a tricky sentence for tenses.

“Has everything been ok since yesterday? Since, you know…” Burhalla asked.

I've forgotten if I've pointed this out in a previous review, but I think it's either "okay" or "OK". "Okay" is the word and "OK" is the abbreviation.

Why couldn’t I feel anything for them, my family? Why did I only feel this fear and sadness towards them? Why couldn’t I feel any sort of fondness for when I ran the Kecleon Shop with my brother? Why was it so uncomfortable to even think of returning to them?

Hmm, so shadowification is like depression?

Team Light Search,

this one's just poor advertising

It was glowing darkly, as if it had been shrouded in darkness.

A little redundant.

pulling a paper out of his bag, that depicted a Pokemon I vaguely recalled seeing before.

Commas aren't used with the word "that" like this. They can be used with "which", though, if I remember right.

“Emeras are items only found within Mystery Dungeons. They have special effects if you insert them into a looplet, like this one,” Burhalla explained, as he motioned to his bracelet. “They shatter if they aren’t picked up quickly enough, or if they are taken out of a Mystery Dungeon. This one’s a big recovery emera. It makes stuff that heals you work better. Barrage emeras are purple, and are the best ones. They let you do two moves in a row!”

It's good to have this stuff explained for the people that haven't played through PSMD (emeras were PSMD, right?) so they can know.

Next to the shore, three Tirtougas laid,

The third was a red hood, laying in the dark sand.

Lay* and lying* respectively. They're forms of the verb "lie", as in "be in or assume a horizontal or resting position on a supporting surface", while "laid" and "laying" are forms of the word "lay", as in "put (something) down gently or carefully.".

“Those are Dociles,” Burhalla explained. “They’re a type of dungeon mon that don’t attack if you leave them alone. Hostiles are the kind you have to watch out for.”

So there were multiple types of dungeon Pokemon? How many types were there?

Color me interested, too. I hope there's more than just the two.

A power boost y.

I get that the emera names are lowercase, but in the case of individual letters, uppercase is better. Otherwise it looks like Welsh.

“All other types?” Gen asked, eyes wide. “All 17 of them?!”

...Has news of the fairy type not reached the Johto region, or is Gen just bad at school?

Deep breaths, in and out. Feel the sunshine with my leaf. Let it energize and restore me, physically and mentally.

I like how Saltriv calms down.

I smiled, genuinely. Yes! Even if it wasn’t a DX gummi, this was still great! I hurried over, and chowed down on the grass gummi. Mmmm, so good!

It would have been nice to get a flavor, such as mint or something.

“The next floor’s the last one. Let’s find Flapple, and finish this,” he said. Me and Gen followed him.

So wait, I kinda missed the part where they can be so sure Flapple is in this particular dungeon?

Burhalla dug into his bag, and pulled out a purple stick that looked like the one he used back in Twig Woodland.

Twig Woodland happened kind of a while ago and I don't think this stick was so important that I should remember it, so I could use more description than just "purple".

The three of us and Flapple were enveloped in pillars of light, and we escaped from the dungeon.[/ISPOILER]

Stray ISPOILER tag.

"Shadowy Pokemon are Pokemon that can't feel any positive emotions. They can only feel fear, anger, frustration, guilt, and other negative emotions. Nobody knows how it happens, but usually Pokemon go missing, not even showing up with connection orbs for a while, then turn up shadowy in strange places," Burhalla answered.

Oh, so I was kinda right. Anhedonia.

Eventually, a large, ornate blue building came into view, covered in ornate designs and patterns.

I think the first "ornate" could be dropped.

"I see. Thank you, Burhalla, Saltriv, and Gen for finding Flapple." Drakloak said with something akin to a smile.

Missing a comma after Gen. That period should also be a comma since it's followed by a dialogue tag.

"Greetings, Burhalla," Tapu Fini responded in an indescribable tone.

I'm not sure what to get from "indescribable".

Especially her's,

Remove apostrophe.

The ocean around us started to grow darker as we approached the town. Stars started appearing in the sky, and the sun faded away. We were entering Moonlight Town’s nighttime veil.

Ooh, this is cool.

“You may call me Zarude,” they said. “I have something to tell you.”


“What is it?” Lidequir asked.


“Have you heard of a Pokemon called Eternatus?”

And so the plot begins.

I sighed, and began walking to the dojo, soon arriving in the Riverside Plaza.

No comma before "and" since the subject is the same.

---

General Comments

I don't have substantial comments for every chapter, so I'll go through my notes in a bullet list:

• I like the way PNS-NT glitches.
• News sure travels fast in this world. I guess it's not surprising given radios exist.
• Gen joining a rescue team just not to be alone is so like him.
• Dynamax in PMD! I like what happened, though I wish it could have been dramatized a bit more. Same goes for Saltriv's Shadow move. I feel like both could benefit from a little more tension building than they have now. I'm bad at explaining this, sorry.
• Unsure how Burhalla knows what Shadow Half looks like? I thought Shadow mon were dangerous and rare.
• Was surprised to hear/see that purification is a simple (ish) procedure rather than something that takes a longer time, as it does in Colosseum.
• I like the Tapu Fini scene a lot. There's that tension and atmosphere that I feel was missing in the Dynamax and Shadow Half scenes. The statues are creepy.
• I like the crazy traversal rules of Moonlight Town.
• I like that Saltriv finds themselves unable to write in their journal after a distressing experience.
• Bad luck for Gen that he, as an anxious person, had to end up as the type that needs to use calmness for moves.

So that does it for my thoughts! If you have any questions, I'll be glad to answer them on here or on Discord. Lemme know when you want to do an exchange for the remaining chapters, if you want to. See you around!

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Oh man, another really intriguing opening to Chapter 6. I had a feeling it might be our missing Kecleon brother from the focus on items and selling items, and it was confirmed by the last section of the opener. How interesting that it seems like he was shadowified like Saltriv might have been, but seems to keep his senses about him and his memory, unlike Saltriv? And that he hasn't gone "missing" so much as he made himself disappear due to whatever is afflicting him? Again more questions, and the mystery deepens. Good stuff.

Contrast that with the next section, Saltriv's enthusiasm is contagious I swear. (I will say, I was a bit taken aback by Saltriv's seemingly wild mood swings in an earlier chapter, being terrified and near tears when Burhalla told them how long they'd been missing, but then giggling and laughing at Gen, but then back to tears a minute later. But it seems they're normally very upbeat so maybe it's not so wild seeing that their baseline is so chipper.) A bit of description of Overcast Village, and then our trio forms a team.

I like that Gen's motivation to not be alone is stronger than his fear of the unknown here, for better or worse. Sure hope he learns how to use moves soon! I'm maybe a bit surprised Burhalla didn't push back against Gen's idea a bit more, seeing as he takes dungeon exploration quite seriously, and was a bit skeptical of Gen's amnesia (not as much as his father though). I have to wonder if he won't get frustrated with Gen if Gen can't pull his weight in the dungeons.

Since Chapter 6 was a bit short, I'll combine it with my thoughts on Chapter 7.

A surprise new move for Gen! I'll admit, I didn't see that coming, and it's cool to see a twist like that. I am a bit surprised that Burhalla and Saltriv are okay with Gen knowing only one move before they go exploring. And that Saltriv's parents are okay with them going exploring after only being back for a day or so. My gut says they'd be a bit more hesitant to let Saltriv go out again, more overprotective seeing as they just got them back, but maybe the kids in PMD are just as self-sufficient as young trainers going out into the world at a pretty young age, too.

Also a little surprising that there aren't any other search and rescue teams in Overcast Village given how many disappearances there have been. Are disappearances something that a town or village have to fend for for themselves, or could they put in a request to call in a search and rescue team from somewhere else (since it seems there's a whole organization in charge of forming teams)?

Barrage emeras are purple, and are the best ones. They let you do two moves in a row!”

That explains what happened to the purple gemstone Burhalla had, and how he was able to do two Embers that quickly back in Twig Woodland.

Oh, emera explanation! I'm glad Gen is asking these item questions, because the explanations are helping me a lot, too.

How were we still at sea level, even though we just went up a level?

Me too, Gen. Me too It's so interesting how dungeons have some really wacky space/time rules.

“I should have known better. I shouldn’t have been like my father.”

Oof, this hit home. I love that Burhalla realized how his reaction came across, and how he can do better. It speaks to his strength of character in a really quiet way, and I like that.

Whoa, Dynamax, in a dungeon?? That's wild. And did it make Gen kind of go manic there? That was super sudden and really crazy. I'll admit, I had a bit of tonal whiplash there, from Gen's manic state, to Burhalla's anger, and then to forgiving Gen, the discussion of anxiety, and then enthusiasm to continue the mission. I get that it all happened quickly, but it felt like the emotional extremes were a bit rushed, and the full impact of each realization didn't hit me as hard as I think they could have if some of the emotions were given a bit more breathing room. I'm a bit surprised there's no uneasy aftermath from a near death experience (twice now), that might deter the team from going back. They sure are a brave bunch.

Hm, again I'm struck that maybe the dungeon exploring sections of PMD just aren't my thing. The action in Saltriv's section felt a bit rushed, and again a bit of whiplash from seemingly devastating injuries to Burhalla and Gen, to them eating an Oran berry and being okay. I'm not really able to put my finger on how dungeon exploration works, what the overall sense of danger here is. How outclassed are they with these dungeon opponents? So Gen taking a super effective Solar Beam was just as near-death as taking a Bite attack from a Krokorok? I guess what I'm getting at is I'm not able to figure out which attacks are able to be shrugged off and which attacks are going to deal massive damage, as it seems the move strength and opponent using them doesn't really hint at what's going to result from any given move. Because of this, I don't have a good sense for what the most tense moments of a dungeon are. Is every encounter equally dangerous, from first room to last room?

My favorite part of this section was definitely the shadow move that Saltriv used, and the subsequent fallout of realizing they were/are(??) a shadow pokemon but unlike any other kind of shadow pokemon they'd seen before. Poor Saltriv, the fake smile they'd put on, followed by their panic attack. And the Flapple battle was really cool as well. I loved your portrayal of the shadowification and what it does to the pokemon, making them strong and unable to be reasoned with. An interesting parallel between Flapple and Kecleon's reactions to being shadowified. It really makes me wonder what's at the root of this mystery!

Not my favorite chapter, since I still haven't really taken to the dungeon crawling aspect of things yet, but I enjoy the closer look we got at shadow pokemon.

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Suddenly, I heard a voice in my head. You shouldn't think of prying into our affairs, hehehe. I know where you are.

(I'll come back to this later in the review but this is *very* intriguing)

I love all this new info about shadowy pokemon and purification that I'm just as confused, intrigued, and terrified about as Gen. It's wild that this world has actually *lost* methods of purification, especially as the shadowy pokemon problem seems to be getting worse. Not only that, but purification is also apparently a really finickey (pun not intended but we'll go with it) and actually horrifying process. So many rules and quirks to follow, and even then it feels like there's incredible risk to the rescuers just to go through the process of purifying one of their friends. Harrowing.

I will say I love the Drakloak and Dreepy tandem. They're stoic and cheerful all at the same time, it's a nice combination, especially for anyone who is approaching this purification spot and is aware of how scary it is.

And wow, the purification ritual itself! I love the contrast of this seemingly beautiful and peaceful place also being the den of some kind of crazed spirit who is angered by rude people. And not just angered, but seemingly willing to trap pokemon as statues in their domain for all time?? The blinking, living statues are downright horrifying. Kudos to Gen for not freaking out and following along with the ritual rules. Big fan of seeing Tapu Fini as this unhinged but powerful purification spirit. I'm definitely intrigued by all this, and I wonder if we'll see Tapu Fini again in this fic. I want to know more about why they're like the way they are, and the *statues*! I know Gen's not supposed to ask, but it didn't say anything about the reader!

"Careful speaking about them. You could incur their wrath. Especially her's," Drakloak spoke up, floating towards us.

Hehehehehe.

Huh, and it seems like all the purification methods are less than pleasant. I'm guessing the laughing italics are that voice in Gen's head again? I'm really intrigued by this, since this is the first we've seen or heard about something haunting Gen. It's so interesting that it only speaks up when asking about purification, but not any other time Gen wondered about shadowy pokemon. I wonder who or what it could be?

"Back to your question, Mossy Town became a mystery dungeon while you were gone, and the method there disappeared," Drakloak continued.

Whoa, a *town* can turn into a Mystery Dungeon, just like that?? That's crazy. Not only that a Mystery Dungeon can just *materialize*, but that it also can do so on top of a populated area. What happens to the pokemon living in the town that *can't* make it out?? There's a lot of dangers to living in the PMD world!

Porygon-Z began to rush towards Flapple, with a cry of "MANZA-ZA-ZAGGLE!"

😭 omg their friend is back, I'm so happy 😭

And some more interesting worldbuilding about primary names of the pokemon. I guess I hadn't even realized that some pokemon are called their species name, and some have unique names (like Burhalla and Saltriv.) Interestingly, the protagonists don't seem to have any hesitation in using their primary names, but older pokemon like Flapple and Jellicent are more cautious. I wonder why that is?

Had a chuckle at the item shenanigans with the deposit box. I'm going to sound like a broken record, but me too, Gen, me too. I'll admit, the significance of the specific items named in this chapter (like insomniscope and perfect apple) is lost on me, being unfamiliar with the series, but it's always a treat to learn about the unusual ins and outs of how the PMD world works.

I'm glad Saltriv's parents were a bit more concerned and stern with them this time around. It seems like their earlier carefree attitude to Saltriv going on a mission was because they didn't realize it was actually a *dangerous* mission. I like seeing concerned, but understanding parents. Hearing that they were worried about Saltriv and also proud of what they accomplished feels warm and relatable. Just a nice character moment.

Perhaps the weakest character moment is a bit of meta-thinking on my part: I recall from AQ that Gen's greatest desire is to go back home, and here we catch the first (maybe second) glimpse of that sentiment in the fic. However, I'm surprised the thread hasn't come up sooner or stronger within the course of the story. Gen has mused about friends before, but never about his friends back home until now. And Gen has witnessed families before, but never thought about his own family in the same context. I think if small pangs of homesickness, or worry, or thoughts of home came up interspersed within the earlier chapters, this desire to want to go home would come across stronger as a core part of Gen's character. Maybe at the part specifically where he got his Reunion Cape in the dungeon? I want to say it was maybe implied, with Gen asking how the cape worked, but I never got the sense he was thinking of being reunited with his family there, specifically. Some food for thought, given what I know about Gen and his character from outside the fic.

Oh ho, and then we end with a bit more Arctozolt, which is always a treat. Interesting they're eavesdropping on anyone they can find at this point. It's so curious that their behavior feels like hunting, and some of the dialogue, but they also refer to it as seeking help? It's a really interesting dynamic and I can't wait to see where this is headed.

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

Back to ES after a long break! Aaaand I have to admit, I have forgotten who Leviene and Ayeug are. They're some of the already proven human-turned pokemon heroes of this world, right? (I remember the chapter where they were introduced being A Lot with so many new characters, but I am also notoriously bad at keeping track of people's names both in fics and irl.) I do appreciate how easy it is to jump back in to the narrative, though. I think it's that piecemeal way of storytelling that's characteristic of PMD fics.

(Fun fact, I am reading this chapter during a thunderstorm. Atmospheric!)

The ocean around us started to grow darker as we approached the town. Stars started appearing in the sky, and the sun faded away. We were entering Moonlight Town’s nighttime veil.

This is such a cool visual, and a fascinating effect! I love that even cities and towns have some nonsensical, mystical qualities about them just like Mystery Dungeons. It gives the PMD world a sense of wonder and magic.

If I hadn’t been able to bring Leviene back after they disappeared, I didn’t know what I would do.

Huh, so they disappeared before, too? I wonder if it was the same disappearance problems that the Thunder Continent pokemon are experiencing? Or if it was something different; a different event or a different time, perhaps? What a curious quote, and I'm eager to know if this will come into play later in the story.

“Go forwards until you hit a three-way split in the road. Turn around, then take the second road on the left. Make sure to walk on that road, not run yet. Once you reach a dead end, turn around and now run, until you pass by a road that goes downhill. Walk backwards down it. Once you feel the ground turn flat again, look up. If the constellation above is Cresselia, take the road to the left, otherwise, take the one to the right. Once you reach a dead end with a painting of Lunala, spin once, then walk forwards until you arrive in the plaza,” Gothitelle explained.

“With how weird the layout of this place is, you’d almost think it’s a mystery dungeon!” Leviene joked, turning to me. “Did you get all that, Ayueg? I spaced out in the middle of it.”

Haha, me too, Leviene, me too. (Also I love that the description of Moonlight Town led me down the exact path as Leviene's dialogue, it's great structuring of the narrative. I wouldn't really call it foreshadowing, but it feels similar: you're giving your readers breadcrumbs that they're picking up, and being reinforced by the characters' interactions later in the story. Nicely done!)

“If this is another imitator-” I began, before Acacia cut me off.


“She didn’t mention that. Just that he had amnesia,” Acacia said. “I’m hoping that he might be the one, but I’m doubtful.”

Oh no, Gen! This is so interesting that the inhabitants of the PMD world are annoyed with human-turned-pokemon imposters to the point where they seem reluctant to believe anyone who claims it, yet the teams of confirmed humans-turned-pokemon are actively searching for more of their kind. Kind of unfortunate because at this point, I doubt Gen would tell any of the Council if they asked because of the less-than-warm reception to humans-turned-pokemon when he arrived in the PMD world.

“You may call me Zarude,” they said. “I have something to tell you.”


“What is it?” Lidequir asked.


“Have you heard of a Pokemon called Eternatus?”

Oh wow, that chapter closer with Saltriv's journal though. I really love this section, because it's introspective; we get a private glimpse at Saltriv's mind, and boy, it hurts. For how bubbly and cheerful they are outwardly, they're really struggling inside. The use of really short sentences, and the hesitant narration as they're editing the journal, it packs such a punch. And then the end where they just give up? Oh man. I hope someone is able to figure out that Saltriv is scared and hurting and gives them a hug. It's an interesting juxtaposition to tack this onto the end of a chapter that's primarily about the other Teams and not our main characters, but it also does a great job of being a quick refresher for me to get my head back into the main story and see how it slots in with the Council's activity while our focus was on Gen, Burhalla, and Saltriv's antics.

 

[Panoramic_Vacuum]

"I...still feel guilty about what I did to Burhalla," I said. It wasn't a lie.

I felt Saltriv's vines embrace me in a hug.

Oh man, this hits twice as hard after the end of last chapter. Knowing Saltriv is also hurting inside. It's amazing that they're still so positive and supportive while struggling with their own issues. I'm proud of Saltriv for that strength of character, but also sad because they're hiding their own pain, too.

I exited the room, and came to the table, where there were...four piles of assorted berries.

Oh. Right. Pokemon. Makes sense that they just eat raw stuff.

Hmm, this is an interesting observation from Gen. Do pokemon not eat cooked food in the human world? Also I don't think I would have assumed the PMD 'mon to not cook anything, given that they have a very advanced society with all kinds of modern amenities. Not to mention fire types have a built in campfire! Now, maybe they're not making souffle and creme brule, but I wouldn't be surprised if PMD pokemon could make simple dishes or simply enjoy roasting things over an open flame. (I'm going to meta-game a bit here, but this is a very interesting observation coming from Gen, since it's his dream to be a chef, no? Does he think it's not possible to be a chef if he's a pokemon? I'm glad to see AQ has proved this to not be the case ❤️)

As he lowered the paper from his face, I caught a glimpse of what was on the written side. I couldn't make out much of it, but whatever was written on it was definitely not in Johtonese or Unovan.

Oh ho, I remember this from Espy's fic. A specific non-human language in the PMD world. Is this brought up in the PMD games specifically, or is it a common fandom headcanon? Color me curious.

I like that this feels like a very gentle chapter. Lots of excitement and good feels after the stress of the Flapple rescue. It's good pacing for the fic, and it gives both the reader and the characters time to catch their breath. I'm enjoying how happy the trio is. After everything so far, they deserve a fun break to just be friends.

Burhalla put one of his hands to his scarf for a few seconds, then said, "How about we make a blanket fort? And we can all sleep in it!"

"That sounds fun!" I said. I remember making blanket forts with my brother, and they were always so much fun.

This is really cute! I love the parallel of PMD world kids being just like human world kids. Making pillow forts and sleeping in them is proven to be a universally fun activity!

It looked awful, though. Nothing like what I could do back when I was human. And the sand's stuck in my arm fur now, and it feels so uncomfortable…

I really needed to find a way home, and to become human again. I didn't like this at all.

Hmm, again I know that Gen does have this sentiment of wanting to go home from AQ, but it doesn't strike me as strongly in ES's narrative. It's surprising how quickly he does a 180 in terms of mood from being happy when talking about the sleepover to wanting to leave the PMD world after getting sand in his fur. I think if there were other moments of his discomfort in being an Oshawott interrupting other moments in the story, it would be more believable that when he's alone, the feeling of wanting to go home begins to creep back to the forefront. The way it is now, it feels like it crops up from out of nowhere rather than being a thought that Gen is constantly fighting against.

Gah, why did I ever decide that this stupid lie was a good idea?!

Well, if I'm friends with Saltriv already, then surely I'm friends with Burhalla too.

See, I love this running thread of Gen finding friends in the PMD world and not wanting to lose them. This is amazing and wonderful and *motivating*. Does Gen realize that his desire to go home is in direct competition to his desire to hang onto his new friends? I think that's maybe what strikes me as odd about his desire to go home. The fact that he *doesn't* struggle with the realization that he can't have both of his strongest desires. I love all of Gen's internal conflicts, and I guess my wishlist is to have *this* conflict of home vs new friends be a part of that internal struggle we're privy to.

I just had an interesting thought: If Gen could become human again but stay in the PMD world with his new friends, would he agree to that?

As I took a breath, and the calmness shifted, I realized I could mold and meld this calm. I moved it up towards my mouth, preparing to spew it out in a Water Gun. I began to push it out—

TA-KA-TA TA-KA-TA TA-KA-TA TA-KA-TA

CHOOOOOO CHOOOOOO!

Oh my goodness, the first time I read this I thought *Gen* was the one to make the train noise

This is exciting though, he's done it! A water move! I wonder why elemental moves are so hard for him? Is it because he's human, or something else? You'd think being in the body of a water type might help him with using water type moves, (y'know, natural instinct and all that) but that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm curious to see if we ever find out the real reason why.