Spiteful Murkrow
Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
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Heya, popping in for our review exchange, with my first review from a set of four. Last time, we left off with Team Elpis and their buddies in between a rock and a hard place, so let’s just see how that’s going for them right now, huh?
Chapter 20
Oh hey, flashback opening. Though wait, did Metody also encounter the gang in the past or is this just the end to the last-
Ah, yeah, it’s indeed the end to the last chapter. I do wonder if it either would’ve made sense to not redux as much of the last chapter’s outro, or else to at least do it from a perspective that we didn’t see last time to add something new experience-wise.
I would suggest changing the phrasing of the first paragraph in this block a bit and adding a bit more emphasis on Branislav’s reaction before he speaks up.
Metody: “Boy, you sure do have a remarkable talent for digging yourself in deeper, Branislav. I see you haven’t changed at all last we met.”
I feel like this is a moment in particular where you’re glossing over a lot that is going down for characters’ reactions to each other at the moment. Also, the underlined feels like something that is a bit too “told” and not “shown” at the moment. For example, as a throwaway suggestion for a way to “show” things a bit more playing out through Arian’s thought process:
Anywho, moving on.
Okay, yeah, there is no way that Kasimir’s death didn’t involve foul play somehow, I can already tell.
Also, you probably want to add more of a transition showing off Yuliya’s mood at the moment, since I admittedly expected her to be more angry than sad in the absence of narration noting otherwise. I also went out on a bit of a limb to suggest making her exposition sound a bit more “furious” as she’s noted as being.
See, I knew I was onto something with that blackguard suggestion earlier. Though um… just saying, if House Kumiega had any youngsters back then, that punishment from Kliment was likely more than a little messed up if it was leveled at the house as a whole.
… And for that matter, how old was Metody back then? Since if he was Elvira’s age or younger at the time and his entire family died on Kliment’s orders… yeah, I’m not terribly surprised he threw in with the guys who killed them off down to a ‘mon and his wife, or that he’s a particularly enthusiastic supporter of them in the present day.
Metody’s paragraph here IMO works as a few different paragraphs interleaved with some reactions from him and the peanut gang, especially if you want to foreshadow how honest or not he’s being given that Arian’s right there and can potentially feel whatever vibes are rolling off Metody right now.
Elvira: “That’s… not what he said at all.” .-.
Arian: “Oh come on, Elvira. What are the odds that he’s telling the truth here? Why, for all we know, he had a hand in Kasimir’s death!” >_>;
Metody: “Your lies and slander have been noted. I’ll be sure to cut them short soon enough.”
You probably want to describe the characters’ reactions here a bit more, especially since Branislav and Metody’s reactions would’ve potentially spoken volumes about how true this account was.
Just filing that one away that Metody apparently refers to Mitty with similar terms as Nikita. Wonder if he also feels like he owes him something. Though at the risk of getting a bit too far out on a limb, I wonder if the smoother formulation for Metody threatening the gang would’ve been something like:
Something to consider anyways.
Arian: “You’re bluffing, there’s no way that you-!”
Metody: “And I quote from last chapter:
Team Elpis + Team Sandstream:
Metody: “As you were saying?”
Though I knew that them saying that in public would come back to bite them in the ass.
Metody: “Really now, did you really think that I wouldn’t be able to keep tabs on this town when it’s quite literally on my doorstep?”
Arian: “... Crap.”
I mean, it wasn’t as if Lillian was magically being subtle herself since she also outed that the guild was in Kamengrad was in passing. Though… yeah, that was kind of a major fail at opsec there, and I just knew that something like this was going to happen.
I do feel that the “process” in the underlined ought to be shown off a bit more though.
I think you need to have a bit more of a transition back to Metody speaking here. Though a couple parts of his dialogue feel a bit redundant, so I proposed some tweaks to smooth them out a bit.
I’m surprised that they’re giving the gang time and not just all attacking right here and now. Though I suppose Metody was established as a showboater in his first appearance.
And Metody would potentially be even more in his element if you tried to get in the water given that it’s a cointoss as to whether or not he has Swift Swim.
I feel like this plan should’ve been telegraphed a bit more by Maciej doing something to subtly draw the others’ attention here.
So… it’s going to just completely faceplant and fail-
Elvira: “Look, this is going to be a very short story if this doesn’t work, so maybe don’t root against us here?”
- Lillian turns and watches the single Pidgeotto fly off -
Lillian: “... Everyone else is still cornering us at the docks right now, aren’t they?”
The gang has time to say all this when Metody was right there in front of them and just gave his underlings a rousing speech to hype them up for killing Team Elpis and company? I do wonder if it’d have made sense to postpone that part until right before the violence starts and instead have Metody do some sort of time-filler that dovetails in with his showboating nature. e.x. tasking some of his underlings to herd nearby townsfolk over so that way they can watch him cut Selenia’s hope to pieces (which if the townsfolk are genuinely supportive of Metody or else are intimidated into pretending they are, would likely be a good demoralization mind screw for everyone on the dock).
You do realize that if Metody doesn’t deliberately try to make this a “lookat me” exercise, he’s going to just wash you into the river and pick you off right there, right? ^^;
Arian: “Yeah, well fortunately for us, he’s the type who just screams that he’d make dumb decisions because of his ego.” ^^;
Metody:
Seriously, at this rate, you’re better off hoping that Melchior secretly tailed you along the river, Arian.
And this is why you don’t stop to showboat in your fights, kids. I can already tell that Mitrofan’s going to be
-ing hard when Metody gives his account of this battle and reveals that he blew a golden opportunity to roll everybody up because he couldn’t pass up the chance to toy with and banter his enemies.
I admittedly am probably going to be a bit light on critique in this battle sequence since it seems to have the same structural issues that were present in earlier chapters’ battles about things feeling a bit like an attack log. I do feel that if nothing else, you probably don’t want the battle to feel like everyone’s just waiting and letting Arian and Elvira double-team one of the knights unprompted.
Granted, considering who’s calling the shots here, you could potentially justify this by having Metody pull a:
if he intends to just step in and delete everyone after they got their hopes up, but if so, you probably want to show that off a bit more.
I’m not sure if the underlined really fits given that Metody openly declared his intention to have everyone on this dock killed. It probably would work better to approach things with an angle more along the lines of “Are you going to keep dragging this out?”
I’m not sure if “fellows” there makes sense as a term referring to Branislav, since A: Branislav is an ex-knight now, B: it made me think for a second that one of Metody’s men turned on him akin to how Team Sandstream interfered as embeds within the Thorned Roses.
The lack of description here is kinda heavily undercutting this moment. Though what are the other 19 knights doing at this moment anyways? Since with just under 3 per member of Team Elpis and the gang present, they could likely just mob everyone and wrestle them to the ground if they pulled a blunt Zerg Rush here.
Arian: “Uh… Ishmael happened to bring another Petrify Orb with him, right? Since I’m not really sure how we’re still alive otherwise.” ^^;
Branislav: “Don’t look a gift Ponyta in the mouth, my boy.”
More seriously, I do wonder if doing something as an AOE thing that wasn’t a second Petrify Orb to start the battle off would’ve been better meta-wise, since it’d have allowed the “one-at-a-time” battle ordering to make a bit more sense in-setting (e.x. if half the knights are too busy seeing stars from a Totter Orb to react effectively from the jump). It also wouldn’t be an “I win” button either, since it’d mean that if the gang couldn’t fight their way through the knights still in fighting condition before the others recuperated, it’d be a de facto loss condition.
Arian: “Uh… Branislav, you’re not going to just go around killing everyone you come into contact, are you?”
Branislav: “As cathartic as that would be, I’m pretty sure that my contract forbids me from doing that in this story for tonal reasons.” ^v^;
Oh boy, does Arian know how to pick his battles there.
Yeah, I knew that that wasn’t going to end well. I suppose that’s a sign that Arian needs to spend a bit more time with Galen… assuming the Guild isn’t a smoking crater by the time the gang gets out of here.
I do feel like this is a particularly noticeable moment of “telling and not showing”, since the way Arian gets rekt by the dual Psybeam is handled in a very after-the-fact manner.
Ah, so the Reviver Seed needs to be physically in one’s mouth in order for it to kick in. Don’t remember if that was depicted in the past, but I’ll keep that in mind since it means that revives aren’t free actions in this story.
Also wasn’t really feeling the “summarized” narration of this section either. It admittedly was not a thing where I could suggest an easy or straightforward fix for it, so I recommended some simpler touch-ups to consider here.
I… didn’t realize that the “he” in the last paragraph from the prior block was referring to Arian and not to Branislav. Though boy is Arian really lucking out that these knights are by and large stopping to banter before they attack. I wonder if there’s been a general loss of professionalism in the ranks since the whole coup thing happened.
Another spot where the “after the fact” narration is particularly noticeable again. I assume that you’ve been taking a different tack in more recent chapters, though recall that “specific blows and actions as they happen” help a lot for making actions feel very “fluid”.
The underlined probably would’ve worked better just describing Elvira swooping in with that Slam off the bat. Also, I feel like we were missing some mood-setting on Elvira’s part after she enters the mix here.
Lombre: “What am I, chopped liver?” >_>;
Arian: “I’m sorry, how did you ever get that category again? You feel a lot more like the ‘Surly Pokémon’ right now.”
Once again going a bit light on the criticisms here to avoid being too broken record about things, but I wasn’t really feeling “Water/Grass-type” as an epithet. It might have made sense to just call the Lombre a “knight” there.
Arian: “Sounds like a skill issue on your part!”
I feel that Arian’s phrasing can be made a bit snappier here. The above is one potential way of streamlining things.
Buddy, I think you have some bigger worries right now like not getting hit with that Force Palm, just saying.
Just saying, you started out being outnumbered by almost three to one at the start. Though I’m honestly surprised that Metody hasn’t just started strolling in and dropping people, since he was very much not a pushover from what we saw of him last time.
Arian, the fact that Metody hasn’t been described stepping in himself and just promptly deleted you and Elvira should be a strong sign that he’s deliberately messing with you and/or showboating before he gets serious.
Arian: “Um… not that I’m complaining, but what has Metody been doing all this time anyways?” ^^;
Arian: “Um… well, yes, that’s right, but we also ran into Metody once in the past and only got away since Team Anima literally carried us.”
Arian: “... I don’t suppose that Ishmael has another Petrify Orb right now, does he?”
Ishmael: “Would’ve used it if I had it, Arry!”
Arian: “Right, didn’t think so.”
I’ll admit, I did not expect that Metody would just hang on the sidelines given that he got very up and personal when trying to shoot down Team Anima back in the Iria arc. I suppose that’s a sign that he’s quietly a bit skeptical of his chances against either Yuliya or Branislav.
Arian: “Boy is it convenient that these knights aside from those two Psychics have mostly been attacking us one at a time here.” ^^;
Yuliya: “Arian, haven’t you already learned a thing or two about running your mouth off in the past chapter?” >_>;
Famous last words. I can already tell.
Wait, was Elvira here the entire time with Arian and Yuliya? Since I could’ve sworn she kinda just faded out a bit for a while.
Though I do wonder if the whole “wow, way to be sexist, Darmanitan” moment ought to be trimmed down a little, since it feels like the action felt like it noticeably slowed down here. The underlined spots were moments that felt redundant to me and like they might have been better off getting cut.
This moment probably would’ve been a bit more effective with a description of the Blast Seed actually blowing up and giving Darmanitan a bad time.
I feel like the underlined might already be self-evident. If you want to keep it for meta purposes, I’d suggest framing the “oh, the Darmanitan’s paralyzed” moment as an in-character realization on Arian’s part.
Mmm… nothing like the taste of Monke. Though I feel that if you’re not going to throw in a description of the Darmanitan reacting to the Bite, it probably makes sense to collapse these paragraphs together.
I mean, he kinda had that one coming. Though if the Darmanitan was meant to clearly start growing unnerved and losing his cool, that probably would’ve been worth showing off a bit more explicitly before he pipes up.
Arian: “Wait, ‘however’?”
I… didn’t realize that Arian got hit in the chest by that kick. It probably would’ve been a detail worth explicitly mentioning.
And yeah, this is the part where Arian finds out that Metody wasn’t hanging back and not fighting because he was afraid of throwing down. Which… uh… is a really terrible sign for how this is going to go.
I feel like the entire underlined moment is basically redundant to the earlier part of the paragraph since Metody “sneering” and “smirking” has quite a bit of overlap since he’s very obviously happy with himself right now, and is ribbing Arian for running his mouth off.
I feel like the underlined works better if it comes before Arian speaks up in response.
Ah yes, so Metody being an aggravating chode is his superpower for getting his victims to slip up so he can finish them off, huh? Since he’s laying those Smug Snake vibes on really thick right now.
Though I don’t think that I ever recalled Elvira being mentioned as having a phase where she was contemptuous of Kallias? Since she certainly didn’t seem to have that after his disappearance or in the flashback sequences earlier. If this is referencing a specific moment that Elvira brought up in the past, it probably makes sense to give a reminder for the readers about it. If not… uh… yeah, you should probably introduce the idea that Elvira had a phase where she didn’t get along with Kallias sometime before this battle.
I think that you were missing some words after “She got into a battle stance” since you’re missing a period and it cuts off very abruptly. Also, I would recommend having more of a transition in general between your different characters here.
Metody’s boast IMO can be heavily streamlined in the second part of his dialogue.
Oh hey, so he’s literally
-ing right now.
Just saying, Metody, you’re not really helping your case that you’re better than Hinnerk right now. Even if I’m kinda surprised that there was enough of an opening with Yuliya for these two to have this back and forth before she summarily got in her next blow.
Elvira: “Um… that did actually hurt him, right? Since Metody wasn’t really mentioned reacting at all..”
Oh hey, it’s like that one Random Doom comic from like 15 years ago, except with less blood flying around… for now.
Cue Metody swooping in and just wrecking that berry, since that felt like a rather long time to be stopping and thinking against a very mobile opponent.
Really not helping your case that you’re a step above Hinnerk, Metody. Though more seriously, I do wonder if his reaction’s a little off, since Metody has usually vibed as being very formal and “upper class” when he’s calm and collected, while he hasn’t really had anything happen yet that would really rile him up since from his perspective, Arian’s doing gif related:
Boy would you be screwed right now if Metody could wield Liquidation akin to Guzma’s Golisopod in PokéAni, since then he’d have reach for his attacks, too.
Not sure how I really feel about the jump from Arian to Metody’s perspective like this. Like it’s technically doable since you’re writing in omniscient perspective, but I do wonder if you needed more of a transition than this.
Should’ve just hit him with a ranged attack, since just saying, Base 85 Special Attack is nothing to sneeze at when you’re a base morph.
You know what they say about assuming, Metody… also, just saying, you’re really not helping your case that you’re better at this than Hinnerk, since you also just let the gang keep those items instead of moving to neutralize their bags as soon as possible.
Oh yeah, Metody’s never going to live this one down afterwards.
Wait, just how much stuff do you two have in those bags?
Like I get that you went through a Mystery Dungeon and all, but I do wonder why we didn’t see these used more aggressively in the battle earlier, and ideally also foreshadowed more, since I actually looked through your prior chapter, and there wasn’t a clean mention or hint of the gang having these items.
Some more spots where you probably want to show the actual process of this happening play out a bit more, since the knights’ entrance and general vibe shift is very abrupt at the moment.
Another spot where you probably want to either expand the first paragraph, or else collapse it into one paragraph with the subsequent one. I’ll admit that “The knights began to move in on them” didn’t quite move the needle for me while reading it. It might have made sense to try and sell more of a sense of dread with the whole “and then, suddenly, a dozen snarling Pokémon came running at us” sort of vibe.
Lillian: “Really, you old coot? That’s what you’re going with right now?” >_>;
Wait, who is Yuliya addressing this to? Team Sandstream, or…?
Cue the theme music:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYPSEjoOV9A
Elvira: “And one for good measure!”
Though I can already tell that this is going to end terribly given that Metody’s awake again, and I’m sure he’s going to be pissed about this.
Wait, how is Metody managing to get stunlocked through seven attacks in sequence without offering any effective resistance up to this point. I feel that at minimum, it would probably make sense to have something happen to mess with Metody’s balance or slow him down or something like that, since while “seven sequential attacks while your opponent gets in nothing” is par for the course for chain attacks in Xenoblade, it does feel like it’s pushing suspension of disbelief here a little bit given that Metody’s supposed to be a strong opponent.
“Seemed” kinda gives away the game that he’s not unconscious, just saying. If you want to keep things a bit more suspenseful, it likely makes sense to say something to the effect of “his eyes were closed and he didn’t move afterwards (beyond his chest weakly rising and falling)”
Once again:
Elvira, there is exactly no way this story is letting you off the hook with beating Metody more easily than Hinnerk, since I saw the way Team Anima reacted to him in the Iria arc.
Yeah, I knew it.
Alright, now let’s cue the real fight music in the background:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irPyQoL7UJg
Metody: “Hrmph, I’ll admit, I underestimated you. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”
Oh, that is devious. Though yeah, that really does explain a thing or two about this whole battle given that the entire deliberately handicapped order of battle has been Metody playing mind games with the gang.
Next thing you’ll tell me that he keeps a golden mask somewhere in his effects drawer to bring out for moments like these.
Underlined feels like something that should be shown and not told if at all possible.
Oh, so we are just going to reprise that one Random Doom comic where the Floatzel character gets a bit too carried away with all the punching, huh?
I mean, you did have six other opponents, Metody. Just saying, I think this is the time when you definitively can the fun and games and start having the knights fight for real.
That… feels like a recipe for Branislav to get maimed and/or killed. Since I can’t help but recall that Branislav doesn’t have any art of him as far as I know, while Yuliya does.
Branislav: “Trust me, it became a much easier decision after seeing the likes of you rise through the ranks in the new regime.” >:|
I feel like the underlined feels a touch long-winded and like it can be condensed somehow. I’m not sure what concretely to suggest, but even just going from three sentences to two would make things already feel quite a bit more fluid in context.
Elvira: “Um, well, you fainted, again.” ^^;
Arian: “Yes, I knew that part, but how-?”
- Cue looking over at Branislav and Metody throwing down -
Arian: “... Right, Metody revealed that we barely scratched him during all that fighting earlier.”
The underlined feels really vague and high-level there. I get that this probably isn’t going to be the main focus here, but it probably makes sense to at least give a bit more detail about who those two are fighting and what it looks like than that.
Ooh, that one can’t possibly feel good to land there. Though I feel you need a bit more transition than this to shift your focus from Team Elpis and back to Branislav here.
Some formatting suggestions, though this section seems particularly noticeable for “telling” and not “showing”. The underlined in particular is the part where I feel things would benefit the most from showing off the “process” of events unfolding as opposed to the almost summary-like delivery that’s there at the moment.
Another spot where it probably makes sense to show a bit more of the process play out. The first paragraph in particular feels very “high level summary” at the moment in a way that feels a bit out of place for a portion of this battle that is being specifically focused on.
Um, Branislav? I’m pretty sure that this is tempting fate like crazy right now, since at moments like these in stories, this is the part where the guy on Team Hero gets maimed or killed from being cocky.
I feel like you probably want to break Metody’s banter up into a few parts and make him do some actions scurrying off to safety a bit, since I’m admittedly not sure why Branislav is standing back and allowing this and not just summarily gutting Metody like a fish mid-monologue.
Oh, so Metody’s family was straight-up executed on orders of Tsar Kliment with him as the last ‘mon standing. I guess that would explain a thing or two about why he’s in so deep with Mitrofan and has such a hate-on for everyone from the old regime.
Cue Metody pulling some underhanded BS in 3… 2…
I kinda wonder if some of the first paragraph should’ve been moved partly into dialogue, since it feels a bit long-winded and out of place for a moment in a battle sequence given that it’s basically a background exposition.
I smell a dergin in the chat from that fire color.
Oh, hi Nikita. Though right, I suppose that ghostfire or whatever it is on Alolan Marowak really does have a bit of a greenish tinge to it.
I feel that it probably makes sense to reveal Mitrofan’s presence before he speaks up, since the present delivery felt a little jarring. Alternatively, it might make sense to not namedrop him in the speech tag before he gets revealed by the narration that “oh yeah, he’s here”.
I feel that the first paragraph probably works better as something along the lines of “Arian felt his blood run cold at the sight of the Aggron. His companions collectively froze and paled, their voices coming out in startled cries one after the other.”
Team Elpis et al:
Metody: “My, aren’t you suddenly pessimistic about your odds-?”
Nikita: “Shut up, Metody. If you hadn’t stopped to showboat, Master Mitrofan and I wouldn’t have had to step in to save your tail like a little whelp.”
The underlined IMO should be “shown” a bit more beforehand. Though lol. Lmao. Yeah, okay, Branislav. Just saying, if Nikita could throw you this off balance, I’m not convinced at all that you had Metody anywhere near as dead to rights as you thought you did.
Mitrofan: “I swear to gods, Metody. How did you even get yourself into this situation? I can see more Pokémon than your enemies ranks lying passed out on the ground right now?”
Metody: “Uh… they were just a little less coordinated than they could’ve been?”
The underlined IMO should be described happening before Metody pipes up. Though I have to wonder how genuine his claims of being one of the best (current) warriors in Selenia is, since he jobbed pretty hard in this battle, even if he didn’t do himself any favors by stopping to showboat.
Arian: “Uh… did I say that the guild was in Kamengrad? I meant to say that it was… uh… i-in Karelia! Yeah, that’s where it is!”
Mitrofan: “Save your breath, child. You’re not fooling anybody right now.”
Arian: “A-Again, it’s in Karelia! Karelia, I tell you-!”
Ishmael: “Arry, just stop. The Skitty’s already out of the bag here.”
Nikita: “... You’re not very good at this, are you?” -_-;
Arian: “Look, how was I supposed to know that you guys just have people spying on others all day? Seriously, who on earth does that?!”
Elvira: “Uh… Arian, that was literally something that happened in Ozerograd, too. And Iria for that matter-”
Arian: “Okay, okay, I get it!” >.<
Arian:
Metody:
Mitrofan: “Marshal Metody, grow up already.”
Arian: “I… don’t suppose that these guys are also going to fight one at a time with us like the last guys?”
I mean, yeah. Given that it’s a coin toss as to if Metody has Swift Swim as an ability, you’re really screwed trying to escape via the water.
I’m… not liking that abrupt cutoff there in terms of a sign for Branislav’s continued life expectancy. Though you probably want a bit more of a transition than this over to him speaking.
Though I feel that Mitrofan’s dialogue ought to be broken into two with something interleaving between them since it’s functionally one part where he addresses Branislav and another where he addresses the group as a whole.
Branislav: “I don’t believe you! You’re seriously taking the words of a bunch of traitors from seven years ago as the reflexive truth?!”
Mitrofan: “It is the truth. And I’m prefectly willing to go into it in detail for everybody, Branislav!”
I feel like this moment would probably work a bit better if we got to see Branislav also be silent and squirm a bit, since a huge part of his earlier dialogue was essentially a “reason you suck speech” directed at him, and if Branislav seems to react to it in a way that seemingly confirms Mitrofan’s charges, it’d likely better tee up their unease about him since in the grand scheme of things, they haven’t see that much of him yet.
I feel like Metody’s two speech tags should be considered being merged into one to make things
Oh damn, things are escalating fast here. Though I wonder if storytime is in order here. Though yeah, considering how the earlier lines between Metody and Branislav imply that Kliment ordered Metody’s family killed to a ‘mon... I suppose we’ll be getting into the less seemly side of House Ruslan and its rule in the not-too-distant future in this story.
Well, scratch that. Guess we’re getting into the Ruslans’ dirty laundry right here and now. Though I wonder if it’d have made sense to show Arian and/or Elvira’s reaction to all of this playing out, since you’d think that these are some pretty shocking allegations that are getting thrown around in live-time.
That said, I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense for Mitrofan to mention a few of the things that ultimately put him off from Kliment. Since if Kliment’s purge of House Kumiega was anywhere as brutal as what the earlier text implied, even if Metody’s the definition of a punchable face in the present day, I’m sure that didn’t sit well with Mitrofan at all back in the day and he’d hold it on the scoreboard of “Kliment proved himself to be a POS deserving of death”.
I feel you need a bit more transition than this between speakers since we’re jumping around a bit, and it’s admittedly a bit hard to get a read for the mood in certain corners of the party.
Also:
Elvira: “Arian, what are you doing?!”
Okay, not that we as readers haven’t found out enough about Rufina to know that she was almost certainly kidnapped and Mitrofan was/is being extorted over it, but has Arian? If so, you probably want to show a bit more of his thought process here and call back to the different hints in prior chapters a bit that led him to this conclusion.
Oh, so you do kinda have his thought process here. I kinda think that this should’ve happened a bit earlier and been delved into a bit more detail for how he came up with these theories, though.
Arian: “Oh right, I can do that. I… honestly kinda forgot about that since it feels like I only use that whole ‘emotion reading’ part of my Aura powers every other chapter.” ^^;
Though I was running out of image tags in this review and didn't feel like undoing 40 of them, so we're just going to yeet the rest into...
Chapter 20
Oh hey, flashback opening. Though wait, did Metody also encounter the gang in the past or is this just the end to the last-
Ah, yeah, it’s indeed the end to the last chapter. I do wonder if it either would’ve made sense to not redux as much of the last chapter’s outro, or else to at least do it from a perspective that we didn’t see last time to add something new experience-wise.
I would suggest changing the phrasing of the first paragraph in this block a bit and adding a bit more emphasis on Branislav’s reaction before he speaks up.
Metody: “Boy, you sure do have a remarkable talent for digging yourself in deeper, Branislav. I see you haven’t changed at all last we met.”
I feel like this is a moment in particular where you’re glossing over a lot that is going down for characters’ reactions to each other at the moment. Also, the underlined feels like something that is a bit too “told” and not “shown” at the moment. For example, as a throwaway suggestion for a way to “show” things a bit more playing out through Arian’s thought process:
Anywho, moving on.
Okay, yeah, there is no way that Kasimir’s death didn’t involve foul play somehow, I can already tell.
Also, you probably want to add more of a transition showing off Yuliya’s mood at the moment, since I admittedly expected her to be more angry than sad in the absence of narration noting otherwise. I also went out on a bit of a limb to suggest making her exposition sound a bit more “furious” as she’s noted as being.
See, I knew I was onto something with that blackguard suggestion earlier. Though um… just saying, if House Kumiega had any youngsters back then, that punishment from Kliment was likely more than a little messed up if it was leveled at the house as a whole.
… And for that matter, how old was Metody back then? Since if he was Elvira’s age or younger at the time and his entire family died on Kliment’s orders… yeah, I’m not terribly surprised he threw in with the guys who killed them off down to a ‘mon and his wife, or that he’s a particularly enthusiastic supporter of them in the present day.
Metody’s paragraph here IMO works as a few different paragraphs interleaved with some reactions from him and the peanut gang, especially if you want to foreshadow how honest or not he’s being given that Arian’s right there and can potentially feel whatever vibes are rolling off Metody right now.
Elvira: “That’s… not what he said at all.” .-.
Arian: “Oh come on, Elvira. What are the odds that he’s telling the truth here? Why, for all we know, he had a hand in Kasimir’s death!” >_>;
Metody: “Your lies and slander have been noted. I’ll be sure to cut them short soon enough.”
You probably want to describe the characters’ reactions here a bit more, especially since Branislav and Metody’s reactions would’ve potentially spoken volumes about how true this account was.
Just filing that one away that Metody apparently refers to Mitty with similar terms as Nikita. Wonder if he also feels like he owes him something. Though at the risk of getting a bit too far out on a limb, I wonder if the smoother formulation for Metody threatening the gang would’ve been something like:
Something to consider anyways.
Arian: “You’re bluffing, there’s no way that you-!”
Metody: “And I quote from last chapter:
”
Team Elpis + Team Sandstream:
Metody: “As you were saying?”
Though I knew that them saying that in public would come back to bite them in the ass.
Metody: “Really now, did you really think that I wouldn’t be able to keep tabs on this town when it’s quite literally on my doorstep?”
Arian: “... Crap.”
I mean, it wasn’t as if Lillian was magically being subtle herself since she also outed that the guild was in Kamengrad was in passing. Though… yeah, that was kind of a major fail at opsec there, and I just knew that something like this was going to happen.
I do feel that the “process” in the underlined ought to be shown off a bit more though.
I think you need to have a bit more of a transition back to Metody speaking here. Though a couple parts of his dialogue feel a bit redundant, so I proposed some tweaks to smooth them out a bit.
I’m surprised that they’re giving the gang time and not just all attacking right here and now. Though I suppose Metody was established as a showboater in his first appearance.
And Metody would potentially be even more in his element if you tried to get in the water given that it’s a cointoss as to whether or not he has Swift Swim.
I feel like this plan should’ve been telegraphed a bit more by Maciej doing something to subtly draw the others’ attention here.
So… it’s going to just completely faceplant and fail-
Elvira: “Look, this is going to be a very short story if this doesn’t work, so maybe don’t root against us here?”
- Lillian turns and watches the single Pidgeotto fly off -
Lillian: “... Everyone else is still cornering us at the docks right now, aren’t they?”
The gang has time to say all this when Metody was right there in front of them and just gave his underlings a rousing speech to hype them up for killing Team Elpis and company? I do wonder if it’d have made sense to postpone that part until right before the violence starts and instead have Metody do some sort of time-filler that dovetails in with his showboating nature. e.x. tasking some of his underlings to herd nearby townsfolk over so that way they can watch him cut Selenia’s hope to pieces (which if the townsfolk are genuinely supportive of Metody or else are intimidated into pretending they are, would likely be a good demoralization mind screw for everyone on the dock).
You do realize that if Metody doesn’t deliberately try to make this a “lookat me” exercise, he’s going to just wash you into the river and pick you off right there, right? ^^;
Arian: “Yeah, well fortunately for us, he’s the type who just screams that he’d make dumb decisions because of his ego.” ^^;
Metody:
Seriously, at this rate, you’re better off hoping that Melchior secretly tailed you along the river, Arian.
And this is why you don’t stop to showboat in your fights, kids. I can already tell that Mitrofan’s going to be
I admittedly am probably going to be a bit light on critique in this battle sequence since it seems to have the same structural issues that were present in earlier chapters’ battles about things feeling a bit like an attack log. I do feel that if nothing else, you probably don’t want the battle to feel like everyone’s just waiting and letting Arian and Elvira double-team one of the knights unprompted.
Granted, considering who’s calling the shots here, you could potentially justify this by having Metody pull a:
if he intends to just step in and delete everyone after they got their hopes up, but if so, you probably want to show that off a bit more.
I’m not sure if the underlined really fits given that Metody openly declared his intention to have everyone on this dock killed. It probably would work better to approach things with an angle more along the lines of “Are you going to keep dragging this out?”
I’m not sure if “fellows” there makes sense as a term referring to Branislav, since A: Branislav is an ex-knight now, B: it made me think for a second that one of Metody’s men turned on him akin to how Team Sandstream interfered as embeds within the Thorned Roses.
The lack of description here is kinda heavily undercutting this moment. Though what are the other 19 knights doing at this moment anyways? Since with just under 3 per member of Team Elpis and the gang present, they could likely just mob everyone and wrestle them to the ground if they pulled a blunt Zerg Rush here.
Arian: “Uh… Ishmael happened to bring another Petrify Orb with him, right? Since I’m not really sure how we’re still alive otherwise.” ^^;
Branislav: “Don’t look a gift Ponyta in the mouth, my boy.”
More seriously, I do wonder if doing something as an AOE thing that wasn’t a second Petrify Orb to start the battle off would’ve been better meta-wise, since it’d have allowed the “one-at-a-time” battle ordering to make a bit more sense in-setting (e.x. if half the knights are too busy seeing stars from a Totter Orb to react effectively from the jump). It also wouldn’t be an “I win” button either, since it’d mean that if the gang couldn’t fight their way through the knights still in fighting condition before the others recuperated, it’d be a de facto loss condition.
Arian: “Uh… Branislav, you’re not going to just go around killing everyone you come into contact, are you?”
Branislav: “As cathartic as that would be, I’m pretty sure that my contract forbids me from doing that in this story for tonal reasons.” ^v^;
Oh boy, does Arian know how to pick his battles there.
Yeah, I knew that that wasn’t going to end well. I suppose that’s a sign that Arian needs to spend a bit more time with Galen… assuming the Guild isn’t a smoking crater by the time the gang gets out of here.
I do feel like this is a particularly noticeable moment of “telling and not showing”, since the way Arian gets rekt by the dual Psybeam is handled in a very after-the-fact manner.
Ah, so the Reviver Seed needs to be physically in one’s mouth in order for it to kick in. Don’t remember if that was depicted in the past, but I’ll keep that in mind since it means that revives aren’t free actions in this story.
Also wasn’t really feeling the “summarized” narration of this section either. It admittedly was not a thing where I could suggest an easy or straightforward fix for it, so I recommended some simpler touch-ups to consider here.
I… didn’t realize that the “he” in the last paragraph from the prior block was referring to Arian and not to Branislav. Though boy is Arian really lucking out that these knights are by and large stopping to banter before they attack. I wonder if there’s been a general loss of professionalism in the ranks since the whole coup thing happened.
Another spot where the “after the fact” narration is particularly noticeable again. I assume that you’ve been taking a different tack in more recent chapters, though recall that “specific blows and actions as they happen” help a lot for making actions feel very “fluid”.
The underlined probably would’ve worked better just describing Elvira swooping in with that Slam off the bat. Also, I feel like we were missing some mood-setting on Elvira’s part after she enters the mix here.
Lombre: “What am I, chopped liver?” >_>;
Arian: “I’m sorry, how did you ever get that category again? You feel a lot more like the ‘Surly Pokémon’ right now.”
Once again going a bit light on the criticisms here to avoid being too broken record about things, but I wasn’t really feeling “Water/Grass-type” as an epithet. It might have made sense to just call the Lombre a “knight” there.
Arian: “Sounds like a skill issue on your part!”
I feel that Arian’s phrasing can be made a bit snappier here. The above is one potential way of streamlining things.
Buddy, I think you have some bigger worries right now like not getting hit with that Force Palm, just saying.
Just saying, you started out being outnumbered by almost three to one at the start. Though I’m honestly surprised that Metody hasn’t just started strolling in and dropping people, since he was very much not a pushover from what we saw of him last time.
Arian, the fact that Metody hasn’t been described stepping in himself and just promptly deleted you and Elvira should be a strong sign that he’s deliberately messing with you and/or showboating before he gets serious.
Arian: “Um… not that I’m complaining, but what has Metody been doing all this time anyways?” ^^;
Arian: “Um… well, yes, that’s right, but we also ran into Metody once in the past and only got away since Team Anima literally carried us.”
Arian: “... I don’t suppose that Ishmael has another Petrify Orb right now, does he?”
Ishmael: “Would’ve used it if I had it, Arry!”
Arian: “Right, didn’t think so.”
I’ll admit, I did not expect that Metody would just hang on the sidelines given that he got very up and personal when trying to shoot down Team Anima back in the Iria arc. I suppose that’s a sign that he’s quietly a bit skeptical of his chances against either Yuliya or Branislav.
Arian: “Boy is it convenient that these knights aside from those two Psychics have mostly been attacking us one at a time here.” ^^;
Yuliya: “Arian, haven’t you already learned a thing or two about running your mouth off in the past chapter?” >_>;
Famous last words. I can already tell.
Wait, was Elvira here the entire time with Arian and Yuliya? Since I could’ve sworn she kinda just faded out a bit for a while.
Though I do wonder if the whole “wow, way to be sexist, Darmanitan” moment ought to be trimmed down a little, since it feels like the action felt like it noticeably slowed down here. The underlined spots were moments that felt redundant to me and like they might have been better off getting cut.
This moment probably would’ve been a bit more effective with a description of the Blast Seed actually blowing up and giving Darmanitan a bad time.
I feel like the underlined might already be self-evident. If you want to keep it for meta purposes, I’d suggest framing the “oh, the Darmanitan’s paralyzed” moment as an in-character realization on Arian’s part.
Mmm… nothing like the taste of Monke. Though I feel that if you’re not going to throw in a description of the Darmanitan reacting to the Bite, it probably makes sense to collapse these paragraphs together.
I mean, he kinda had that one coming. Though if the Darmanitan was meant to clearly start growing unnerved and losing his cool, that probably would’ve been worth showing off a bit more explicitly before he pipes up.
Arian: “Wait, ‘however’?”
I… didn’t realize that Arian got hit in the chest by that kick. It probably would’ve been a detail worth explicitly mentioning.
And yeah, this is the part where Arian finds out that Metody wasn’t hanging back and not fighting because he was afraid of throwing down. Which… uh… is a really terrible sign for how this is going to go.
I feel like the entire underlined moment is basically redundant to the earlier part of the paragraph since Metody “sneering” and “smirking” has quite a bit of overlap since he’s very obviously happy with himself right now, and is ribbing Arian for running his mouth off.
I feel like the underlined works better if it comes before Arian speaks up in response.
Ah yes, so Metody being an aggravating chode is his superpower for getting his victims to slip up so he can finish them off, huh? Since he’s laying those Smug Snake vibes on really thick right now.
Though I don’t think that I ever recalled Elvira being mentioned as having a phase where she was contemptuous of Kallias? Since she certainly didn’t seem to have that after his disappearance or in the flashback sequences earlier. If this is referencing a specific moment that Elvira brought up in the past, it probably makes sense to give a reminder for the readers about it. If not… uh… yeah, you should probably introduce the idea that Elvira had a phase where she didn’t get along with Kallias sometime before this battle.
I think that you were missing some words after “She got into a battle stance” since you’re missing a period and it cuts off very abruptly. Also, I would recommend having more of a transition in general between your different characters here.
Metody’s boast IMO can be heavily streamlined in the second part of his dialogue.
Oh hey, so he’s literally
Just saying, Metody, you’re not really helping your case that you’re better than Hinnerk right now. Even if I’m kinda surprised that there was enough of an opening with Yuliya for these two to have this back and forth before she summarily got in her next blow.
Elvira: “Um… that did actually hurt him, right? Since Metody wasn’t really mentioned reacting at all..”
Oh hey, it’s like that one Random Doom comic from like 15 years ago, except with less blood flying around… for now.
Cue Metody swooping in and just wrecking that berry, since that felt like a rather long time to be stopping and thinking against a very mobile opponent.
Really not helping your case that you’re a step above Hinnerk, Metody. Though more seriously, I do wonder if his reaction’s a little off, since Metody has usually vibed as being very formal and “upper class” when he’s calm and collected, while he hasn’t really had anything happen yet that would really rile him up since from his perspective, Arian’s doing gif related:
Boy would you be screwed right now if Metody could wield Liquidation akin to Guzma’s Golisopod in PokéAni, since then he’d have reach for his attacks, too.
Not sure how I really feel about the jump from Arian to Metody’s perspective like this. Like it’s technically doable since you’re writing in omniscient perspective, but I do wonder if you needed more of a transition than this.
Should’ve just hit him with a ranged attack, since just saying, Base 85 Special Attack is nothing to sneeze at when you’re a base morph.
You know what they say about assuming, Metody… also, just saying, you’re really not helping your case that you’re better at this than Hinnerk, since you also just let the gang keep those items instead of moving to neutralize their bags as soon as possible.
Oh yeah, Metody’s never going to live this one down afterwards.
Wait, just how much stuff do you two have in those bags?
Like I get that you went through a Mystery Dungeon and all, but I do wonder why we didn’t see these used more aggressively in the battle earlier, and ideally also foreshadowed more, since I actually looked through your prior chapter, and there wasn’t a clean mention or hint of the gang having these items.
Some more spots where you probably want to show the actual process of this happening play out a bit more, since the knights’ entrance and general vibe shift is very abrupt at the moment.
Another spot where you probably want to either expand the first paragraph, or else collapse it into one paragraph with the subsequent one. I’ll admit that “The knights began to move in on them” didn’t quite move the needle for me while reading it. It might have made sense to try and sell more of a sense of dread with the whole “and then, suddenly, a dozen snarling Pokémon came running at us” sort of vibe.
Lillian: “Really, you old coot? That’s what you’re going with right now?” >_>;
Wait, who is Yuliya addressing this to? Team Sandstream, or…?
Cue the theme music:
Elvira: “And one for good measure!”
Though I can already tell that this is going to end terribly given that Metody’s awake again, and I’m sure he’s going to be pissed about this.
Wait, how is Metody managing to get stunlocked through seven attacks in sequence without offering any effective resistance up to this point. I feel that at minimum, it would probably make sense to have something happen to mess with Metody’s balance or slow him down or something like that, since while “seven sequential attacks while your opponent gets in nothing” is par for the course for chain attacks in Xenoblade, it does feel like it’s pushing suspension of disbelief here a little bit given that Metody’s supposed to be a strong opponent.
“Seemed” kinda gives away the game that he’s not unconscious, just saying. If you want to keep things a bit more suspenseful, it likely makes sense to say something to the effect of “his eyes were closed and he didn’t move afterwards (beyond his chest weakly rising and falling)”
Once again:
Elvira, there is exactly no way this story is letting you off the hook with beating Metody more easily than Hinnerk, since I saw the way Team Anima reacted to him in the Iria arc.
Yeah, I knew it.
Alright, now let’s cue the real fight music in the background:
Metody: “Hrmph, I’ll admit, I underestimated you. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”
Oh, that is devious. Though yeah, that really does explain a thing or two about this whole battle given that the entire deliberately handicapped order of battle has been Metody playing mind games with the gang.
Next thing you’ll tell me that he keeps a golden mask somewhere in his effects drawer to bring out for moments like these.
Underlined feels like something that should be shown and not told if at all possible.
Oh, so we are just going to reprise that one Random Doom comic where the Floatzel character gets a bit too carried away with all the punching, huh?
I mean, you did have six other opponents, Metody. Just saying, I think this is the time when you definitively can the fun and games and start having the knights fight for real.
That… feels like a recipe for Branislav to get maimed and/or killed. Since I can’t help but recall that Branislav doesn’t have any art of him as far as I know, while Yuliya does.
Branislav: “Trust me, it became a much easier decision after seeing the likes of you rise through the ranks in the new regime.” >:|
I feel like the underlined feels a touch long-winded and like it can be condensed somehow. I’m not sure what concretely to suggest, but even just going from three sentences to two would make things already feel quite a bit more fluid in context.
Elvira: “Um, well, you fainted, again.” ^^;
Arian: “Yes, I knew that part, but how-?”
- Cue looking over at Branislav and Metody throwing down -
Arian: “... Right, Metody revealed that we barely scratched him during all that fighting earlier.”
The underlined feels really vague and high-level there. I get that this probably isn’t going to be the main focus here, but it probably makes sense to at least give a bit more detail about who those two are fighting and what it looks like than that.
Ooh, that one can’t possibly feel good to land there. Though I feel you need a bit more transition than this to shift your focus from Team Elpis and back to Branislav here.
Some formatting suggestions, though this section seems particularly noticeable for “telling” and not “showing”. The underlined in particular is the part where I feel things would benefit the most from showing off the “process” of events unfolding as opposed to the almost summary-like delivery that’s there at the moment.
Another spot where it probably makes sense to show a bit more of the process play out. The first paragraph in particular feels very “high level summary” at the moment in a way that feels a bit out of place for a portion of this battle that is being specifically focused on.
Um, Branislav? I’m pretty sure that this is tempting fate like crazy right now, since at moments like these in stories, this is the part where the guy on Team Hero gets maimed or killed from being cocky.
I feel like you probably want to break Metody’s banter up into a few parts and make him do some actions scurrying off to safety a bit, since I’m admittedly not sure why Branislav is standing back and allowing this and not just summarily gutting Metody like a fish mid-monologue.
Oh, so Metody’s family was straight-up executed on orders of Tsar Kliment with him as the last ‘mon standing. I guess that would explain a thing or two about why he’s in so deep with Mitrofan and has such a hate-on for everyone from the old regime.
Cue Metody pulling some underhanded BS in 3… 2…
I kinda wonder if some of the first paragraph should’ve been moved partly into dialogue, since it feels a bit long-winded and out of place for a moment in a battle sequence given that it’s basically a background exposition.
I smell a dergin in the chat from that fire color.
Oh, hi Nikita. Though right, I suppose that ghostfire or whatever it is on Alolan Marowak really does have a bit of a greenish tinge to it.
I feel that it probably makes sense to reveal Mitrofan’s presence before he speaks up, since the present delivery felt a little jarring. Alternatively, it might make sense to not namedrop him in the speech tag before he gets revealed by the narration that “oh yeah, he’s here”.
I feel that the first paragraph probably works better as something along the lines of “Arian felt his blood run cold at the sight of the Aggron. His companions collectively froze and paled, their voices coming out in startled cries one after the other.”
Team Elpis et al:
Metody: “My, aren’t you suddenly pessimistic about your odds-?”
Nikita: “Shut up, Metody. If you hadn’t stopped to showboat, Master Mitrofan and I wouldn’t have had to step in to save your tail like a little whelp.”
The underlined IMO should be “shown” a bit more beforehand. Though lol. Lmao. Yeah, okay, Branislav. Just saying, if Nikita could throw you this off balance, I’m not convinced at all that you had Metody anywhere near as dead to rights as you thought you did.
Mitrofan: “I swear to gods, Metody. How did you even get yourself into this situation? I can see more Pokémon than your enemies ranks lying passed out on the ground right now?”
Metody: “Uh… they were just a little less coordinated than they could’ve been?”
The underlined IMO should be described happening before Metody pipes up. Though I have to wonder how genuine his claims of being one of the best (current) warriors in Selenia is, since he jobbed pretty hard in this battle, even if he didn’t do himself any favors by stopping to showboat.
Arian: “Uh… did I say that the guild was in Kamengrad? I meant to say that it was… uh… i-in Karelia! Yeah, that’s where it is!”
Mitrofan: “Save your breath, child. You’re not fooling anybody right now.”
Arian: “A-Again, it’s in Karelia! Karelia, I tell you-!”
Ishmael: “Arry, just stop. The Skitty’s already out of the bag here.”
Nikita: “... You’re not very good at this, are you?” -_-;
Arian: “Look, how was I supposed to know that you guys just have people spying on others all day? Seriously, who on earth does that?!”
Elvira: “Uh… Arian, that was literally something that happened in Ozerograd, too. And Iria for that matter-”
Arian: “Okay, okay, I get it!” >.<
Arian:
Metody:
Mitrofan: “Marshal Metody, grow up already.”
Arian: “I… don’t suppose that these guys are also going to fight one at a time with us like the last guys?”
I mean, yeah. Given that it’s a coin toss as to if Metody has Swift Swim as an ability, you’re really screwed trying to escape via the water.
I’m… not liking that abrupt cutoff there in terms of a sign for Branislav’s continued life expectancy. Though you probably want a bit more of a transition than this over to him speaking.
Though I feel that Mitrofan’s dialogue ought to be broken into two with something interleaving between them since it’s functionally one part where he addresses Branislav and another where he addresses the group as a whole.
Branislav: “I don’t believe you! You’re seriously taking the words of a bunch of traitors from seven years ago as the reflexive truth?!”
Mitrofan: “It is the truth. And I’m prefectly willing to go into it in detail for everybody, Branislav!”
I feel like this moment would probably work a bit better if we got to see Branislav also be silent and squirm a bit, since a huge part of his earlier dialogue was essentially a “reason you suck speech” directed at him, and if Branislav seems to react to it in a way that seemingly confirms Mitrofan’s charges, it’d likely better tee up their unease about him since in the grand scheme of things, they haven’t see that much of him yet.
I feel like Metody’s two speech tags should be considered being merged into one to make things
Oh damn, things are escalating fast here. Though I wonder if storytime is in order here. Though yeah, considering how the earlier lines between Metody and Branislav imply that Kliment ordered Metody’s family killed to a ‘mon... I suppose we’ll be getting into the less seemly side of House Ruslan and its rule in the not-too-distant future in this story.
Well, scratch that. Guess we’re getting into the Ruslans’ dirty laundry right here and now. Though I wonder if it’d have made sense to show Arian and/or Elvira’s reaction to all of this playing out, since you’d think that these are some pretty shocking allegations that are getting thrown around in live-time.
That said, I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense for Mitrofan to mention a few of the things that ultimately put him off from Kliment. Since if Kliment’s purge of House Kumiega was anywhere as brutal as what the earlier text implied, even if Metody’s the definition of a punchable face in the present day, I’m sure that didn’t sit well with Mitrofan at all back in the day and he’d hold it on the scoreboard of “Kliment proved himself to be a POS deserving of death”.
I feel you need a bit more transition than this between speakers since we’re jumping around a bit, and it’s admittedly a bit hard to get a read for the mood in certain corners of the party.
Also:
Elvira: “Arian, what are you doing?!”
Okay, not that we as readers haven’t found out enough about Rufina to know that she was almost certainly kidnapped and Mitrofan was/is being extorted over it, but has Arian? If so, you probably want to show a bit more of his thought process here and call back to the different hints in prior chapters a bit that led him to this conclusion.
Oh, so you do kinda have his thought process here. I kinda think that this should’ve happened a bit earlier and been delved into a bit more detail for how he came up with these theories, though.
Arian: “Oh right, I can do that. I… honestly kinda forgot about that since it feels like I only use that whole ‘emotion reading’ part of my Aura powers every other chapter.” ^^;
Though I was running out of image tags in this review and didn't feel like undoing 40 of them, so we're just going to yeet the rest into...
