Chapter 50: Day 18, Part 3 - Full Bloom
I remembered something recently.
Actually, no…that's incorrect. I
acknowledged something I've suppressed until now:
The possibility that I'm an amnesiac by choice.
Not
my choice—my brain's choice. I still remember concepts, ideas, and maybe even some slang if I feel like degrading myself. However, my actual memories are locked away so tightly that even Anemone—a literal mind reader—can't access them.
I didn't do that—I wouldn't know how. But it had to have happened some way or another.
The easy answer is that
something happened, and the reason as to why it happened to
me is somewhere out there. But…what if it isn't? Or, rather, there is, it just isn't anything good. What if I don't want to know the answer, and my brain is making sure of that?
Being a human is one thing—forgetting why that even matters is another.
I can't shake the feeling that my goal shouldn't be to pursue my trauma, but to run from it. Past-Oswald, somehow or someway, had gone so far as to do me a favor, and I responded by ignoring his generosity.
Did I squander an opportunity to start over?
I have no idea. It sure seems like it at times. When I fall into a deep, dark pit of despair I wonder if I made the wrong choices. If, through my own efforts, I had doomed myself. But each time I return to that line of thinking, I realize that my first actual choice was to become friends with Fenn.
And if that's where I went wrong, starting over isn't an option. That choice of mine will never change, even if doing so means reversing the heat-death of the world itself.
It just sucks that it took me this long to make use of past-Oswald's generosity.
I can do better.
We chased each other through those castle gates, right into the streets. The second Fenn's paw slipped from mine—which was quick with how clammy my paw was—Fenn made it his goal to connect them once more. But he would have to work for it.
"Uh-uh, gotta catch me first!" I teased.
"H-hey!"
Even if I was clumsy on my two legs and he was cunning on his four, my recent training seemed to have paid off. I could outmaneuver that Quilava with a twist of my hip and a skipping dash past food stalls and corners of buildings. He kept up easily, but I was too slick for him.
"Oh? You wanna hold
my hand?"
"I-I can!" Fenn declared. "A-and I will!"
We were giggling like school children during recess. Oleander was shouting at us to stay in sight, trying to keep up. We ignored him. The two of us kept this up through the streets and back alleys without any hint of slowing down.
I was having the time of my life.
I didn't think I would get this far. When I brought up the idea to Dahlia she gave me this look that undoubtedly said
"Really? You honestly think that'll work?" I almost said no.
After all, it was stupid.
I was stupid. Nothing about this plan of mine should have worked. A bouquet of flowers and a few kind words would never heal the wounds I inflicted. It was too straightforward of a resolution. I needed to do more.
But against all odds, it worked considerably better than whatever the hell I was trying to do before. Imagine that.
And seeing the sheer amount of joy on Fenn's face after every pounce for my tail, tears long since dried, made it all worth it.
We got all the way to the treeline leading to an uphill path before I came to a stop. I slowed down and rested my paws on my knees, hunched over and panting. Fenn was there by my side long before I had a chance to argue for unfairness.
He tapped me on the shoulder and said, "G-got you!" in a cheeky voice.
"Damn!" I chuckled, rubbing my shoulder. "Too slow."
Fenn graciously held out his paw for me to take. Both to bring me upright, and to declare himself the winner of this little game. He said in a light voice, "N-no, you're not. I could…b-barely keep up!"
I stood up straight and took his paw. "I'll say. You couldn't even catch my tail." As if to prove this, I twisted my torso to angle my back for him to see. Even after all this time, I couldn't properly control that thing, but that just meant Fenn would get to have more of a show, with how I bumped my hips. My tail barely did more than flop up and down, which was all I needed.
"Hmph!" Pouting, Fenn attempted to swipe at my tail with his paw, only to miss when I righted my posture just in time.
"Ha! Like I said," I teased, leaning in. "Too. Slow."
Fenn's pouting deepened. His puffed up cheeks, too, were a deeper shade of a red than they were a moment ago. "Next time…" he said.
I raised my eyebrows, smirking. "Oh yeah?"
"Y-yeah." And his cheeks puffed up more.
In response, I breathed in and puffed up my own cheeks.
I never took Fenn as one to be outdone, so of course his cheeks got even bigger in tandem.
But unfortunately for him, I had the biggest cheeks of them all. He should see how long I can hold my breath under water.
From an outside view, there was a Dewott and a Quilava staring daggers at each other in the woods as their cheeks ballooned to magnificent proportions. Something had to give…
Fenn shut his eyes- "Mmmmm- BWAH hahahaha!" -and couldn't keep it in any longer.
I followed suit, laughing out any excess air I had cooped up. "Hah…so silly," I said, leaning forward with how much I was laughing.
That only made the Quilava laugh harder. He was practically snorting. "
Y-you're silly!"
"Me?" I retorted. "Silly? I don't think so."
Fenn playfully leaned into my shoulder and bumped me with his arm. "Y-yes, you are!"
"Says you, silly! Look who's talking!" I started moving again with my paw delicately gripping Fenn's. The laughing had petered out to small chuckles here and there, but it never stopped. "Come on," I said, "we're almost there."
Although he followed without question, the ensuing walk was made twice as long by Fenn having to stop just to let the giggles out every few steps. It was hard not to be infected by it.
I had a good feeling about this. There was going to be this big reveal of the flower fields and I would start by asking,
"Have you been up here before?" And he would say,
"Never. Not once." And he would stutter once or twice in there and it would be all cute, just like him.
Only problem: I still had my concerns. Sometime during the walk, about half way through, a disgusting pang of doubt surged up to grip at my throat. All of those happy feelings just vanished out of nowhere. I thought that I had been dreaming, and that at any moment Fenn would start drowning in a sea of black, nightmarish water, leaving me alone. I deserved that much, once.
In a sense, I still thought I did. These fun, joyful moments were not for me. I was selfish for thinking that I could ignore it all. It always came back, the pain, the sorrow. The intrusive thoughts, harsh as they were, had a point. I was deserving of a much worse fate.
So, with that in mind, I looked back for a moment, seeking confirmation of my mistake. Any second now, Fenn's own happiness would fade, and the world itself would melt to a gray paste with a horrid smell.
But no, he was fine. Those gentle red eyes gleamed like smoothed opal, while one ear twitched ever so subtly the moment he noticed me turn. A short blink of consideration followed, where he assessed the moment, perhaps wondering if he too was dreaming. And then he started giggling.
The world went soft. It smelled like fresh grass and pine needles.
They didn't last long, those baleful doubts. We both realized at the same instant that this was real. Here we were, holding paws, making a pilgrimage to somewhere special. A place where we could both be ourselves.
His lips swung about into a small smile, and I wondered if I was dreaming again. So, I squeezed his paw tighter and hoped this dream would never end.
I giggled, too. Pretty soon, we reached our destination.
Kebia Castle was a hill and a dirt path away, with orange-leaved trees like a sunset against the afternoon sky elevated in layers of speckled foliage surrounding it. Down below, cast and shadowed against the marbled stone and chiseled brick, the grass was darker. The buildings had embedded themselves in the dirt, making it their home. Roots dug deep, concocting a blossom of activity. But up here, heralding the mountains and chill winds, it all brimmed with brighter greens, fluffy whites, and lovable blues. It was quieter—less complicated. As if this Quilava and I had stepped into a completely different world.
"You know…" I leaned over and whispered into Fenn's ear as though it were a secret. "I'm nervous. We walked all of this way…and I'm nervous."
Fenn squeezed my paw in return. "W-were you not supposed to be?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"...Are
you?"
He nodded.
"Well good," I breathed, a smirk arising easier than I expected, "I'm not alone, then."
To that, Fenn chuckled a little. "Y-yeah, you're not."
I pulled Fenn along, padding through the dirt on my tip-toes, each step light on my soles.
Dirt turned to grass as orange faded to an expansive blue. We crescendoed over a hill, following the path I retraced to the best of my ability. Of all the times for my memory to fail me, I was glad it remained loyal here. Otherwise it would have ruined the moment.
Because when we stepped over that hill…
"O-oh…wow," Fenn uttered his breath. I mirrored the sentiment with a contented sigh.
The smattering of mismatched dirt under our toes had become a distant thought. Pinks and whites, bright as the sun they reflected, swayed in joyous greeting. Flowers couldn't talk, of course, but I had a feeling they would cheer our names if they could.
I hadn't noticed it last time—probably because I was in such a panic—but looking now, there was a slight pink tint to the air of Fairy Fields. That blue sky, which I had seen as nothing but an extension of my own perceived reality, shimmered a late sunset purple in combination with the slight pink.
And then it didn't, as my eyes adjusted to the vista ahead of me, and a playful rosy scent tickled my nose. My whiskers tingled like a strung violin, but otherwise gave me peace. The world was in its natural state, just as it ever was.
"I never told you…
where I got here from, huh?" I asked, my eyes lingering on the flowers.
I could see Fenn turn to me out of the corner of my eye somewhat abruptly, as if the question caught him off guard. He said, "You…did, actually. I-I thought…" then stopped himself.
Oh, I did? My tail fidgeted behind me.
I guess I forgot.
"…Right, I mentioned some flower fields outside of Kebia," I noted. "Never specified which ones, though."
A beat, then Fenn said, "Th-th-there aren't any other…" before stopping himself again. I wouldn't be surprised if he was misremembering, too.
I looked at him and feigned some semblance of confidence. There was still a chance to salvage this—I had a hunch.
"Hold on. Remember, there are some flowers on the way to your place?" That was where the lavender came from, after all.
"Well…yeah," Fenn mumbled before gesturing to the flowers with the book he still had with him. "I-I just assumed you meant here, even if…I-I've never seen it. It's…" His eyes, wide with astonishment, sparkled in the sunlight. "...Very n-nice…"
If a bouquet didn't work, then a whole field of flowers certainly did.
"And now you can. Come on," I said, failing to hide the giddiness in my voice. "I want to show you the best part."
Into the flowers we went, with me taking the first step back into my proverbial birthplace. Fenn followed without a second thought.
Flower pedals nipped and tickled our fur as we waded through. The spaces of dirt in between were our stepping stones of a trickling garden stream. I could feel myself waver in the wind as we approached the cliff, green grass splitting a path for us and us alone. My heart pumped fast in my fingertips. Behind the curvature of the cliff and the virility of the foliage, the sight was only just now apparent.
I didn't need to tell Fenn to stop. Both he and I knew this was the place.
Directly ahead of us was the castle and the surrounding town in all of its glory. Just earlier today, I stood near the top of that castle, marveling at the sweeping plains and snaking roads of the surrounding land. Every excursion I had ever taken had been on full display, viewable from a single location—my whole life a near complete puzzle. And now I was here, viewing everything from the trees to the ramparts to the spires all at once.
Fenn's shoulders relaxed as he whispered, his voice airy, "Y-you…woke up here? I-in the middle of the field?"
"It's…somewhere around here," I said, motioning to a patch of grass ahead of us. I had just as good a view of the castle then as I did now.
It was a nice ambience, but it was also a reminder of my prison. In an hour's time, maybe less, I'd have to head back and return to my neat little box. How long had it been already? Five minutes? Ten minutes? Was Oleander just over the hill or directly behind us?
I didn't want to think about it.
I looked at Fenn. A second or two later, he looked at me.
In my mind's eye, I saw it. There were sandcastles meticulously constructed on a beach in space, built from buckets of time wasted and mistakes made. The sand was dry and firm like stone. The buckets were full. New additions were being made to the castles constantly, without fail or regard for time to rest. And then all of a sudden, a glistening, gigantic wave pushed seawater far into the shore, and those sandcastles melted into a mere lump. The buckets toppled and flowed out to sea, never to be seen again.
Sand erodes over a period of thousands of years, yet it clings to itself all the same. Sand is still sand, and enough sand makes a beach.
The start of something new.
Fenn tilted his head at me. "W-what? You're…staring at me a-a lot."
Oh whoops.
I chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry. It's hard not to."
He scoffed, the tips of his ears turning red. "Um…" Fenn's gaze drifted away towards the leaves on the wind, to the grass at his feet, before resting on his paw in mine. His grip only tightened, yet his ears had since fallen flat against his head, making him look smaller than he really was. He said, "H-hey, did you take Cosmo to daycare this morning?"
I blinked. So much was on my mind today and Cosmo was probably one of the last. I was pretty sure I dropped him off. Otherwise I would have been freaking out.
"Of course," I said. Cool as an ice cube.
Fenn's ears flicked upwards about half-way. "O-okay, good…just wanted t-to make sure. It's…i-it's been on my mind…"
I almost asked,
is that all that's on your mind? But I didn't, and I wished that I did. At some point I'd have to slow down with the flirting and actually acknowledge what we were here for.
I knew that no matter what I said here, Anemone's glare would pierce through my skull and crush me into a fine powder the next time we talked. That was not going to change. It was Fenn who would, in one way or another. Simply noticing a slight change in his demeanor was enough to make my heart sink into my stomach. I would need to be careful.
"Mhm," I mumbled. Unconsciously I scratched at a scalchop on my hip, carving out new grooves for my fingers. Little flakes trickled onto my claws. The rough texture made goosebumps rise from under my fur. "So…"
"S-so…"
"Do you want to sit down?" I asked.
Fenn opened his mouth to speak, only to stop before any words left him. Mainly because I thought quickly and interrupted him.
"It's not that hard- the ground, I mean! I can confirm that." The grin I gave him must have looked so forced. Even if I did mean it, the blush rising from my cheeks to my neck strangled me under my fur.
Fenn's mouth briefly remained open as if the words were still in transit to his vocal cords. His eyes glanced away for a smidgen of a second. Then after he processed my words, he spoke.
"...Sure."
So we did.
He sat beside me, taking extra care to not crush any flowers beneath him. He went so far as to move some out of the way with his paw. Which was something I didn't even consider until I was sat beside him. I glanced down to find a collage of pink and white sticking out from under my legs. I ignored it, despite my blush definitely strangling me by that point.
"See?" I said, a small stammer accompanying my voice. "Not hard at all."
Fenn chuckled so abruptly that he squeaked. "Heh…I-I guess so."
Now…
My tail splayed out behind me, paws on my knees, I breathed in slowly. More of that playful rosiness tickled my nostrils. I felt a pinch, only to witness my fur being tugged at and the slightest bit of skin turning white as my claws dug into the skin. I took another deep breath, calming myself.
All I could hear was the wind dancing with everything in sight. It flirted with the grass, courted the flowers, and kissed the trees with its gentle caress. Everything was in perfect harmony. The moment was right.
I looked over to find Fenn tracing his finger over the cover of his book, silent and uneasy. Tiny embers sizzled on his forehead—igniting and dying over and over again like twinkling stars. There was a thoughtfulness to his expression, like there were conversation topics tingling on the tip of his tongue.
After a bit more silence between us, I decided that I would have to start us off. I said, "Hey Fenn-"
"I-I was thinking-"
We both spoke at the same time. We both flinched.
"O-oh, I'm sorry-"
"No, it's fine. You can-"
"No! Y-you should-"
We stared at each other, our eyes wide. Our troubled breathing accompanied the wind swaying the flowers. I didn't know where to look, Fenn had a hard time keeping still. Back to where we started.
Earlier, this kind of silence was just a byproduct of the tension. Now, though, it veered off in the complete opposite direction: straight to awkwardness.
Against my better judgment, I thought of Anemone again. If she were here, she would just use her mind reading, like always. That sounded really useful right about now. Above all else, I wanted to take Fenn's thoughts and pour them straight into my own head, just so I'd know where to take this conversation.
But maybe not knowing wasn't such a bad thing. Anemone lived in a room at the top of a castle, unhappy and alone. And she didn't matter right now.
No more thinking. It was time to talk. Which meant…
I guess I could…ease him into it…?
"Well," I said
indignantly, crossing my arms, "one of us has to go first."
Fenn placed his book aside. With a sheepish smile, he said, "U-um…you can go. Y-y-you started talking first…after all."
He sounded hesitant. Or maybe that was just him stuttering slightly more than usual. Or maybe I was just hearing things. Or maybe-
…Didn't I just say that not knowing isn't a bad thing?
I unfolded my arms, leaving them limp in my lap. My tiny, Dewott fangs nipped at my lip, threatening to pierce skin. Hoarsely, I said: "Alright, do you remember when we first met?"
Fenn looked to the side briefly. "Y-you mean when you bumped into me in the town square?"
"Ye- no, not that one. After that."
"The…cafeteria?"
I nodded. "Yeah, that. I offered to get you food and we talked."
"I-it was more like you…insisted on it…" Fenn mumbled.
Unfortunately. That was one more thing I would have done differently if I could. "I was kinda desperate," I admitted. "Anemone told me that I'd have to form a team in a day or she'd do it for me."
"Oh yeah…" Fenn's flame vents sparked. "Th-that was so unfair!"
Knowing what I do now, it was surprisingly generous of her. But that didn't change the fact that it made Fenn and I's first proper meeting a complete mess. I would have preferred not to coerce my future partner to like me through favors, thanks.
I shrugged. "It led to us meeting, right? Sorta."
Fenn smiled slightly at that. "It did. R-remember when you brought me Pecha berries even th-though you didn't mean to?"
"Ugh," I groaned, rubbing the bridge of my nose, "don't remind me."
"I-it worked out, though."
"I know! Probably would have worked out better for me if it didn't, though."
Fenn's giggling helped to ease the tension in my shoulders, if only a little bit. "I was confused a-at the time…but now I just find it funny. You acted so weird. B-but…where are you going with this, Oswald?" That question brought the tension right back.
Okay, here goes…
I grasped my scalchop fully, gripping the handle for dear life. With how fast my heart was beating, my body must have reacted as though I were in danger. In a sense, I was. Danger of a stress-induced heart attack.
I asked, "Don't you think it's also weird that I didn't know what a Pecha berry looks like?"
Fenn gave me an odd look. "O-Oswald, you said you have amnesia."
"I do."
Now Fenn just looked confused. "D-did that…change?"
I shook my head. "No, nothing's changed."
Before, I would have considered that a problem. Now, though, not really.
"I'm just saying," I continued, "I don't remember Pecha berries because I'm pretty sure I never knew about them at all."
Fenn blinked. "W-what?"
A fierce chill rolled down my spine. My wrist was starting to hurt.
"Actually, before that," I said, pointing at a canopy of trees in the distance, "do you remember heading into Figy Forest?"
Fenn looked over his shoulder, then looked back at me. His expression didn't look any less troubled. "W-well, yeah," he muttered. "I still don't know why my s-sister went in there, but…y-yeah."
"I don't either. Probably doesn't even matter. That's where I told you that I have amnesia, though, right?"
"A-after you almost died..."
"After I almost-" I shot him a playful glare. "Hey, it's not my fault you didn't warn me."
Fenn said impishly, "I-I didn't think it would be a problem. You're e-evolved, so…I assumed you could handle yourself."
Oh god, here comes the chill again.
This time I made an active effort to ignore it, hiding my discomfort with a smirk. "Well I can't because I never evolved," I said.
"...Y-yes, you did," Fenn retorted, eyes squinting at me as though I was crazy. "How else…h-how else is a Dewott supposed to be…made?"
I shrugged my shoulders flippantly. "I don't know. What do Pecha berries look like? How are Dewotts made? What the hell is a Mystery Dungeon? I don't know."
Any trace of a smile ran away from Fenn's face as he said, "...O-Oswald, what are you trying to say? I…I-I don't get it."
Okay…
This is it. I'm gonna tell him.
I took a long, deep breath. The extra air made my head spin—that or I was close to passing out already.
Now was the time. I was going to tell Fenn that I'm a human.
He might never look at me the same. Hell, he might even see me as some kind of freak.
But I had to do it. I promised myself I would. Fenn deserved to know everything.
Another deep breath…here goes. I opened my mouth to speak-
"Ow!"
I winced, grimacing harshly. Pain radiated within my mouth.
"O-oh!" Fenn exclaimed. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…bit my tongue."
That was not a lie. I genuinely did bite my tongue trying to talk, and now I was genuinely rubbing the sore spot on my cheek. It was still hurting for moments after. Ugh.
"Oh…th-that's not good," Fenn mused.
To add on top of everything else, my whole body landed in a limbo between blisteringly hot and frighteningly cold. The pink mist in the air suddenly became apparent, filling my senses with stifling rosiness, throwing in a splitting headache for good measure.
All the while, a single phrase mashed away at my skull:
You can still back out of this. You can still back out of this. You can still back out of this.
I wondered if that tongue-bite was a blessing. Was telling him all of this the smart thing to do? If I wasn't careful, could this be the final step towards the absolute destruction of our relationship? Anemone told me not to do this for a reason, after all.
Who knows? My initial assumption could be right: pokemon here really do hate humans. Could be run out of town, or even paraded with my fur shaved off, naked for the whole town to see.
What if Fenn spat in my face and called me a monster, an abomination, and worst of all a filthy liar? Just the thought of that…I couldn't bear it. I could barely breathe.
And what would Anemone do to me? Would she contort my already broken limbs into a box two sizes too small for my body and berate me every single day for the rest of my pitiful existence?
I didn't
want to be a failure, I just wanted to tell Fenn the truth. Could I even be blamed for that?
I told myself on that balcony of Kebia Castle that I was going to end this. No more lies. No more secrets. No more depending on changes that wouldn't come.
I was a human, but I was also a pokemon. I was both. At the same time, I loved another pokemon. I loved Fenn.
"O-Oswald?" Fenn said quietly, worry seeping into his voice. "Are you okay?"
I opened my eyes and saw him. Even the way he looked at me now, his fur so smooth and shiny, his eyes so beautiful and bright. They tugged at my taut heartstrings. There was concern there, and curiosity. But also comfort, and safety. He was relaxed, despite the conversation. He wanted to be here with me.
And maybe he wouldn't love me back, I don't know. I hadn't considered the possibility until now. I had been so afraid of taking a step forward, but I was also afraid of taking two steps back. If I never told Fenn the truth, though, I'd never move at all.
Was I being too emotional? Too irrational? Maybe.
But I made my choice: he needed to know. I had to trust him.
"I'm fine," I responded after a moment. "I'm…fine."
Breathe in…
Breathe out.
The words fell out of my mouth and out of my grasp.
"Fenn, I'm…uh…
was…a human."
Fenn stared at me blankly. "...W-what?"
"I'm human," I repeated. I'm human. I'm human. I'm human.
A weight had been lifted from my shoulders, only for that weight to be replaced. Finally, I said it. But also…shit, I said it.
Fwoosh! Fenn's flame vents ignited. Many feelings crossed his face at once right then. At first he was confused, then bewildered, possibly angry, before averaging back around to being dumbfounded. He blinked some more, every bit of anger slowly leaving him. Along with it went his flames—dying out to a mere smolder.
He said, much quieter this time, "...Oh. S-so this is a joke."
Based on how hard my heart was pounding against my chest, I was operating on a stimulus akin to adrenaline. Nothing about this felt real. I gave my response before I understood what Fenn was even saying. "Yeah, I'm…what?"
Of all things, Fenn laughed. He laughed hard. "I-I get it now!" he beamed. "You're softening me up f-for the reveal! Ah…I-I feel so stupid for not…c-catching on sooner."
I was so taken aback that I had no idea how to respond. Yes, I knew it would be hard to believe. Fenn was probably conditioned to me making things up, too. But this time…I wasn't joking.
This was a mistake.
Every bit of pent up energy was sucked right out of my body, leaving me deflated, my whiskers like wet noodles. All I could do was frown.
Fenn slowly came to notice it. His full-on laughter turned into soft chuckles before dying out entirely.
Now neither of us were laughing. And Fenn's flame vents were puffing out into sporadic infernos atop his head. His eyes were as wide as the sun.
"O-Oswald…" he said, "i-it
is a joke…right?"
"...It's not," I muttered, my shoulders lowering as if to make myself smaller. "I'm serious."
Fenn stared at me, the fur on his body haggard as it bristled. One of his paws pressed into the ground as he leaned back, possibly priming himself to rise. Only, he never did. Fenn remained rigid and alert, and moved very little.
His normally tender voice was strained. "Is…i-is that…what you couldn't tell me?" It sounded like he was in complete disbelief. Not just over my words, but his own as well.
"...Yeah." I looked down at my knees, away from his gaze.
"Th-the…a-at the beach…?"
I nodded somberly. "I'm from somewhere else. I don't know…where. It's not Pamtre or…whatever this world is called. Just…somewhere that isn't here."
"H-how?"
I shrugged my shoulders up high. "I don't know."
"..." Fenn didn't move.
And neither did I. My claws had gone limp. My tail was flat behind me. My back was aching. I knew I should have corrected all of this—sit up straight, wet my dry lips. But I lacked the motivation to do any of that.
What else was there to say? Either he believed me or he didn't.
But there, I did it. It was done and I wasn't about to take it back. I told the truth and now I wouldn't have to think about it for every minute of my waking life.
I tried to breathe in, only to breathe out faster than I anticipated. And then I did it again. And again. I looked down at my paws.
…Am I shaking? Why am I shaking?
My paws were trembling like crazy. It was getting worse for every second of silence. I suddenly became conscious of a ringing in my ears, a heat so overwhelming that it was baking me alive, and a tension that was slowly killing me.
All the while, Fenn looked to be split in two: a flame stoked and extinguished. I could practically see the Klinks turning in his head. He was processing it slowly, carefully. Either that or it was an absolute whirlwind in his mind. His friend just unveiled that he was a being from out of this world—I didn't blame him. Comprehending it was just one step.
Although, I couldn't shake the feeling that he was debating on whether or not to run or report me. That had to be the case.
I clenched my fists and gritted my chattering teeth. Oh god, was that it? Did he hate me for lying to him? Did he hate humans? Did he hate me? Did he-
"U-um…do…do you really talk through your fingertips?"
…I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that.
Fenn was in fact looking at me—his full focus independent of the rampaging storm of thoughts. The alarm in his eyes had shifted. It was as though the fear morphed from being directed at me and more towards something behind me. If we were in a public place, I might have turned around.
I answered, hesitantly, "No…? We- humans talk through their mouths."
"All of them?"
"...Yeah."
"O-oh."
Fenn scratched at his raised shoulder awkwardly.
I waited for Fenn to say more, but nothing came. Gradually, the ringing in my ears gave way to the whipping winds of the fields. My fur cooled, freezing the tension in the air. It remained frozen as though this revelation had gone on a sudden break.
I had to ask, "Where did you hear that?"
"A book…" Fenn muttered.
"A book?" I repeated, incredulous.
He sputtered, frustration springing to life just like his flame vents. "W-well how am I supposed to know? I-I-I've never even met a human…"
Just as quickly, the frustration was gone. His ears lowered, as did his posture. Fenn said, "...Until n-now."
My ears perked up. Did I hear that right? Immediately, that frozen tension fell to the dirt like a rock, completely inert. "So…you believe me?" I asked hopefully.
Fenn looked away. "I-it makes a lot of sense. In retrospect."
That earned a smile out of me. Phew! I chuckled nervously. "I made it pretty obvious, didn't I? Not…that I ever intended to. It just sort of happened."
But Fenn, who didn't pick up on the irony, was just as troubled as he was before. He uttered, gripping his arm tightly, "O-Oswald, you lied to me."
And there went the smile.
Oh…oh no. No no no
no…! I tried to explain, but the words came out all jumbled: "Fenn, no I…I mean, I did, but…look I…it's not that simple."
"Why?" Fenn asked. It wasn't clear to me what he was referring to. "Th-the story you gave me, Anemone, Colbur Village, th-that bar we went to…" He shook his head ashamedly. "I-I just…ignored it. I know y-y-you had your reasons…"
I tried to speak. "Fenn, I…" But quickly thereafter, I sincerely wished I had bitten my own tongue off. I didn't know what to say. My heart was close to giving out.
I
knew this would happen. Maybe he didn't care about the whole human thing, but the lie-
the lie! He put his whole trust in me, even pushing his own concerns aside. And this is how I repaid him…
How can I ever earn back his trust?
Fenn's eyes shot wide open. He growled through furious, gritted teeth, "S-so…so stupid! I'm an idiot! I-I'm a
stupid idiot!"
Wait, no!
"Fenn, stop!" I begged. "You're not an idiot; all of this on me!" There was a pervasive wariness to my voice that caught me off guard. The last thing I wanted was for Fenn to sink into his own pit of despair. I might not regain his trust, but I didn't care. I wanted him to be happy.
Seeing Fenn's eyes grow misty and wet hurt more than any stab wound or psychic abuse I had ever endured. I caused this, and it made me sick.
Fenn staggered out, his ears fallen limp against his head, "I-it's…it's all wrong. Every time…e-e-every time I have to figure it out on my own…"
"Fenn…"
He looked at me. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "I'm tired, Oswald…" Fenn whimpered. "J-just…tell me. Why?"
Why?
I don't know why I obsessed over my past as a human when I wasn't one anymore. It made no sense to me. When we were in Micle half a week ago I briefly came to the conclusion that if anyone outside of the castle would know anything about my experiences—not my predicament—they would be amongst the crowd of human-revering pokemon as far away from the castle as possible. They were as close as I could get to the wider world at large.
But no. I didn't ask them about any of my experiences because that wasn't what I was there for. I was following someone who had put my face on a bullseye and threw darts at me, trying to pin me down. I wasn't thinking for myself—I was letting someone else think for me. Someone who treated me like a pawn, and frankly, hated my guts.
And now look where it left me. Did I even
want to learn the truth? Or was I just trying to find excuses for my cowardice?
I didn't know. But I did know, at that very moment, that I wanted to tell Fenn everything.
I was Oswald. And I had decided that Oswald was not a coward.
I said, "The truth is…most, if not all of what I said about my past was true. But I…left out some details."
"W-what do you mean?" Fenn asked weakly, stifling an even harsher stutter.
"After we got back from the beach you told me that you thought I was joking there, too." I wiggled my hands exaggeratedly and spoke like an alien. "I came from another world! Ooooh!"
I groaned, letting my arms drop. "But the thing is, I don't blame you for thinking that. Because like, I wasn't being entirely genuine? If anything I was just saying something to make myself feel better. I'd come up with a half-lie and then I could feel better about every full-lie I've ever made. It's full-proof!"
My voice cracked.
I said, "And it's fucking terrible, I know. And I'm sorry. I should've just told you everything from the beginning."
I didn't know what to make of Fenn's expression: his eyes unblinking while his lips fell ajar, as his neck arched back and away from me. Stiff and stunned. Regardless, he didn't say anything in response. I had to finish what I started.
"Here's the truth…I couldn't tell you everything because I was afraid that I'd get
killed. I've already had my life and limbs threatened by the queen and her lackeys. But that wasn't supposed to be a problem because Anemone was going to figure it all out for me."
I shook my head. My exasperation turned to fuming anger. "But it turns out that wasn't on her agenda anyway! She despises me and just wants me to suffer. Every step I take makes it worse-" I flicked my wrist back towards the direction we arrived in, "-and now I have to plead with my
nanny for time outside." I let my arm fall back to my side.
"O-Oswald-"
"I'm not
done!" I snapped, slamming my fist into the dirt. "It's so fucking unfair! Everyone acts like they know what's best for me when they don't know anything about what I'm going through! Except they do! They all know! But they just ignore it because it's more convenient for them! And to top it all off-" I looked at Fenn, his visage hard to make out through my own tears, "-I can't even tell you because they don't want me to. I don't get to say who knows. I just have to follow along."
I sniffled. "But I don't want to anymore. I'm Oswald. I get to make my own choices. Me! Not them!"
I could barely hold it in anymore. Shaking turned to dry heaves turned to outright sobbing. Every bit of pent up misery poured out of me, painting the flowers with salty tears. Through my heavy breathing, I was able to squeeze out just a bit more: "So there…that's why I lied. I'm…sorry…"
I lost it right then—the capability to keep it in. I hugged myself, digging my claws into my arms, trying to keep my body from convulsing, and failing. If my revelation on the balcony of Kebia Castle was acceptance, this was the grief that came with it.
I closed my eyes to block it all out, but the pain wouldn't subside. Something broke. A part of me just died. Not the pokemon part or even the human part. My pride, composure, and self-respect were utterly shredded. All that was left was weakness. Pitiful, awful weakness.
This was what it took to fully break me. Anemone could never do this; she didn't know me, this went deeper than just my thoughts.
Fenn cared for me. And I cared for him. But what did it matter if I was just a pathetic freak who bottled it all up until the world was a kaleidoscope of my own misdeeds?
At least he knew now. At least he could hate me for a reason. No one else could control that for me.
I just wished it didn't hurt so much…
"...fo…gi…ou"
What was that? Fenn?
I looked up at the Quilava. Through my tears, I saw his face. He was crying, too, the fur on his cheeks stained wet. But why?
I said, "What?"
Graciously, he repeated himself. "I-I…I forgive you."
Saying that something inside me was mended implied that I returned to a previous state. In this instance, it was more accurate to say that something else broke instead. A darker, thicker thing. That was how we as living beings worked, when you get down to it: we break down, reshape, then do it all over again.
Those three words loosened my claws from my arms, almost halting my sobs entirely. I stared, astonished.
"You…you do?" I asked, my voice barely louder than a whisper.
Fenn nodded. "I-I'm really sorry…Oswald. I was just…r-reminded of something else when you…told me the t-truth that I…I-I-I…" He shut his eyes to stifle sobs of his own. It looked like it would overtake him.
But Fenn was stronger than that. I knew he could do it.
When he opened his eyes, there was a brief moment where I wondered if the pokemon I was talking to was still Fenn. Hatred flared like a wildfire as Fenn glared at nothing, like he was thinking of something deeply personal.
Fenn—the real Fenn, the one I knew—returned when his gaze was leveled at me. There was no hatred there—not anymore. He said, "I-I've been…unfair to you. I worried s-so much about what you wouldn't tell me…w-when I have my own secrets, too."
That wasn't fair. "Fenn…"
I tried to say something, tell him that he didn't have to do this, but he cut me off quickly, vehemently.
"L-let me speak," Fenn sniffled. "I know I…suck at it, b-but I need to."
My paws were numb by the time they fell back into my lap. I so desperately wanted to lay down to let my body rest, let the beating of my heart slow. I wanted to lay down with him. But that would come after. Fenn wanted to speak sitting up, so I would let him.
He said, "I-I'm…I'm a…no…" Fenn sighed. "N-no, I…I made a mistake. I-I-I said I was f-fine when I'm not."
"...I did that, too," I uttered quietly. Smaller lies, but still lies.
Fenn looked at me in understanding. "I-I know you did. I forgive you for that, t-too." He turned his gaze back to the vista ahead of him, swallowing hard. "B-but this is different. I went home, t-tried to talk to my dad…a-and I couldn't do it, Oswald. I-I just couldn't…"
Oh no…
I suspected that was the case. As much as I wanted to believe that he was okay, something was clearly eating at him.
I didn't press him on it. Just like he never pressed me on my obvious lies.
Fenn said, "I told y-you-" he choked up, taking a second to catch himself, "-I-I told you that I was f-fine. I didn't…want to burden you, and I-I told myself that I needed time to think…"
"Me too," I spoke up hoarsely. "I thought a lot. But I came back to you in the end, though."
His eyes trailing back to mine as if tethered by a thread, Fenn nodded. "I-it hurt, being away for so long…"
My voice was hardly but a whistle in the wind. "...I thought about you every minute of the day, Fenn. You're all I care about."
Every blink was a new tear. Fenn weeped, "O-Oswald, I…y-you're not a bad pokemon, Oswald. E-even if…Even if you…y-you are a human…that's okay."
Pokemon…he called me a pokemon…
I sniffled. "I want- I want to do right by you, Fenn. No more lies, no more…no more. No more."
Fenn opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. The tears had become a waterfall.
There were still things to say. So, so many.
I remembered I had arms at that moment. Warmth and soft fur, too. I let them speak for me.
I leaned into Fenn and pulled him into a deep hug. My chin rested on his shoulder, and his chin rested on mine. Our tears soaked through our fur and down into the dirt.
When we embraced, it started like any of our other hugs. Fur against fur, comforting warmth, and a tenderness that far surpassed any other gesture, like hand holding. Though with this hug, I could feel myself sinking, melting into him. Becoming one. Completely free. There was no inclination to move away at any set time. His arms tracing my shoulders, my back, my arms—like a soft blanket wrapping me up in the morning. We didn't have to get up right away. We could rest.
I held him tight, my fingers playing little rhythmic tunes on the back of his neck. Under the scarf, feeling that frazzled, tousled patch of fur underneath. I followed the path it left, riding the ridges of his collar bone, down to his chest. My paw laid flat as I searched for a
thump, thump, thump…letting out a shaky sigh when it quickened to the touch.
My mind was racing, overloaded to the absolute brim with joy—beautiful, agonizing joy. Was this what it felt like to be free? To be honest? It made me feel…whole.
Why didn't I open up sooner? I felt so fantastic. I wanted to hang onto this feeling forever, hold it in my hands and cherish it like a treasured photograph. Something to keep me motivated whenever I was down, and to remind me of the pokemon who made it all possible: Fenn.
With so many thoughts surging at paces I could hardly follow, my body acted on its own, pursuing its great desire. Slowly, I pulled back.
We were apart, but we were still inches from each other's faces. Tears had yet to dry. My paw was still resting on his chest. There was a stifling tension between us, our breaths mingling.
Was it so wrong to love a pokemon? Sure, they looked different, had different abilities and customs. Yet...they were still like us humans. Meat still tasted like meat, after all. Fenn and I could feel the same emotions. Fear, joy, anger, silliness, despair, relief…
I knew that for certain when I gazed upon this Quilava.
His soft fur was gilded in sunlight, making a glowing zigzag around his tufts. A shadow eclipsed half of his body, and through that shade I could see his eyes—a pair of ruby-colored embers.
My body, once again, pursued its greatest desire. The words came to me, as clear as the sunrise. I spoke.
"I love you."
Fenn's eyes widened. His ears rose just a little bit, yearning to hear me better. "Y-you…you do?" he whispered.
"Yes," I whispered back. "I love you, Fenn."
The thumping of his heart quickened. At the same time, his paw moved, perhaps searching for his own arm. But he found mine instead, resting his paw on my wrist and squeezing. The last tear fell louder than the rest.
"Y-y-you…you…mean that?" he asked. Bewildered as he was, there was longing in his voice. A higher pitch.
My confirmation couldn't have come quicker if I tried. I moved my paw from his chest to his fingers, locking his digits with mine.
I said, my voice breaking, "I've wanted to tell you for so long. But I…I didn't know if you could ever love a…human like me back."
A couple stray sparks spritzed out of Fenn's forehead and landed between us, tickling our paws. "O-Oswald…"
For once in my life I had something to cling on to: hope. Fenn loved me, too, and I wanted to believe that was true. Yet the raging whirlpool of thoughts within my mind fought valiantly against this hope, pushing my insecurity to the top.
"You don't…have to love me back, Fenn," I admitted. "You're just…amazing. You've done so much for me, and you're so strong and cute and…" I sighed deeply, looking down. "I just wanted you to know that. Since we're being honest and all…"
Maybe I should've just admitted my feelings and left it at that. This wasn't about me, anyway. I was happy enough to hug him close one last time.
I just…is it so wrong to put myself first for once? I wondered internally.
"Oswald?" said Fenn.
Maybe it was cowardly of me to avert my gaze. If I was going to tell him how I felt, I should do it while looking him in the eye. I lifted my head up right then, if only to abide by his request. I could make it up to him.
But what I saw made my heart soar.
Fenn was smiling kindly. His flame vents were billowing small infernos, almost imperceptible in this light. He said, "P-please don't say that. You're…making me blush…"
I told him, because he deserved to hear it: "I mean it. Any pokemon would be lucky to have you as their partner."
"O-Oswald!" he blurted out, his tone surprisingly playful. "Stop it!"
I was confused. "Stop what?"
"S-stop…stop saying that like it's not possible!"
"...What do you mean?"
Normally, I wasn't too bad at picking these things up. But that whirlwind had yet to pass. I was so focused on myself—again—that I forgot to consider the best possible scenario.
Fenn said, "What I-I mean…is…I-I-I love you, too."
I blinked, my whiskers going stiff. My heart beat faster, an unsteady rhythm. Either the wind stopped or my entire world froze in place. One way or another, it was as though an entire beach's worth of sand castles were washed away, leaving only a barren canvas remaining.
"Really?"
Fenn's own confirmation mirrored mine. His smile reached his eyes. "H-how could I not? You're so…f-funny, a-and I think you're really handsome. U-um…" His blush was barely noticeable under his fur.
Which- to be fair, my cheeks were also as red as cherries. Mostly out of pure shock because…wow.
Wow.
Holy shit.
A sudden noise played out from behind, startling me. Quickly, I glanced over my shoulder. I immediately realized that what made that sound was my own tail, batting at the dirt in a staggered pattern completely against my will.
"...Since when?" I asked.
Fenn shrugged. "I-I don't know…a while, heh."
But how?
I thought back to when we first met, how we started so distant and shy around each other. That changed so quickly, didn't it? Our walls never truly fell, but they definitely softened and cracked. At some point after that, the way I looked at this Quilava was altered. I started climbing that wall without thinking, pining to see what was on the other side.
It should have occurred to me that Fenn was climbing that wall, too. I should have torn it down for him.
I couldn't help but laugh.
I'm such an idiot, I thought.
"Are you…?" I started hesitantly. "But what about me being a human?"
Fenn's flames grew, fighting that shadow on his face and coming out victorious. "Y-you look like a pokemon t-to me," he said. "As long as y-you're still Oswald…"
I balked. I was reminded of when we visited that beach. After such a bad day, the two of us confided in each other as we watched the waves. The bubbles sparkled in the setting sun, the ocean yawned on the horizon. Fenn had asked me a question: what kind of pokemon did I like?
I had said that it made no difference to me. But that wasn't true. It did make a difference. Fenn just happened to check all of those boxes anyway. I would love him if he was a Slakoth, or a Klefki, or a Magneton. Anything—I didn't care.
Why wouldn't Fenn extend the same generosity to me? Because I wasn't worth it?
Hell, maybe I still wasn't. But who cares? This was what I wanted.
And I wanted to let him know that I wanted it.
"I am," I said. "I'll always be Oswald." I rose to my feet, my paw still grasping Fenn's. "And as Oswald…I want to ask you something."
While Fenn might not have been hesitant to stand with me, his flames were snuffed out, leaving him in the state I knew him best for. He wasn't outwardly worried or nervous, but he was a bit fidgety, as though he wanted to desperately ask something of me, too. He ended up muttering, "A-anything. Go ahead."
I looked around myself for a moment, scanning the ground at my feet, looking for flowers. It had to be perfect—which was difficult without any lavender on hand. I dropped them all either. Would he like pink or white more? Pink was closer to purple, I supposed.
Should I even worry about presentation at this point? I thought.
I don't want to screw this up…
There. A decent pink flower behind me. I took a step back and reached down to pluck it between my fingertips. It was fine, probably the most adequate shade of pink in the whole field. Washed out, a bit old. Soon to be dead now that I plucked it. Maybe I could pick another one.
Was I overthinking this? Oh god, what if I misread the situation entirely? We loved each other, sure, but did that mean he was ready to start something serious?
Fenn was standing across from me, waiting patiently for me to speak, his ears perked and ready to listen. When I met his gaze, he smiled.
My heart leaped like a Lopunny. It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Even his fire couldn't match the brightness of it.
I wanted this. He had to have wanted it, too. I just had to make sure.
Here we go. I took a deep breath and said, "So, Fenn-"
"W-wait!" Fenn cut me off, holding up both paws.
I jumped. "What- what is it?"
He whined, moving his right arm to his side to grip it with the other, "I-I wanted to do it…" A bright blush was starting to form under his fur.
I guess that answered that question. All of my trepidation was replaced with raw anticipation. My heart was still pumping, but now out of endearment instead of fear. "Aw, Fenn," I chuckled, holding out the flower. "Okay…if you want."
"Um…" Fenn started rubbing his arm. "N-no, I changed my mind. You do it."
"Oh. Nervous?"
"Mhm."
"Me too. But…" I cleared my throat. "No worries. Alright…"
Flower in hand, I held it out and offered it to Fenn as a gift. I looked him in the eyes, only to avert my gaze immediately. My cheeks started burning the instant I saw that incandescent sparkle. The stellar shimmer reserved for pure luxury.
I felt like a lovestruck teenager with no concept of restraint or emotional clarity. My other paw, the one not holding the flower, reached behind my head without any input from me. My neck was itching, my arms were itching…everything was itching.
"Fenn," I said, slowly extending the flower forward, "will you…
"...be my boyfriend?"
I turned my head just in time to see Fenn's smile growing, tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes. He nodded his head. Once. Twice. Many, many times. None of which was enough to stop himself from dashing forward and throwing his arms around me.
"Oof!" I uttered in reaction. I was nearly thrown to the ground with the force of his hug. I dropped the flower; I didn't need it anymore. I wrapped my arms around the Quilava tightly, pushing my cheek into his, my whiskers playfully poking at his chin.
"Yes!" he whispered. "Y-yes! Oswald!"
I nuzzled him, my Dewott instincts seemingly winning over in the end. I wanted to feel his fur against mine. Breathe him in. Smell like him. "Oh Fenn…" I uttered. "I'm so happy…"
Our fingers danced on each other's backs as we rocked in place. I savored the warmth of his flame vents under my chin, my nose in his fur.
And then it began to click. Our rocking slowed.
From there, we searched deeper, closer. Dug into each other. His cheek on my ear, finding its tidy spot around the cloth and gentle skin—a churning and a crackling coursing through a tingling tingling neck. Every part of him was hot, only leading to me hugging tighter. Both he and I shuddered with the soft touch that naturally turned to teasing pinches that came with a young lover's first embrace.
He found my waist, down and down to the thicker fur at my hip. There were no words aside from our longing-filled breaths punctuated by contented sighs, but I could feel how impatient he was starting to become.
I, likewise, couldn't bear to wait. Our barriers were gone, the tender underbelly of our relationship ready to be unearthed at a moment's notice. I continued by gliding down his chest, circling back around to his waist. I gave him a cheeky squeeze, after which I quickly earned the squeak and giggle I was hoping for. My heart fluttered with my own silly chuckles. And then I had a thought.
I had always wondered what touching those flame vents would be like. Would it hurt from the sheer heat? What would it feel like?
I got my answer when Fenn kneaded his cheek against mine, my whiskers flowing with the smooth fur on his face. And through it all, I caught a hint of texture previously absent. A light scratch and coarseness, but not rough like sandpaper. It was like a peach fuzz—freshly shaven but somehow also similar to a sponge lathered with warm water. Instinctively, I breathed out in long, low bursts.
I never wanted to let go. The only thing that brought me back, filling my mind with yearning unlike any I had ever experienced, was the desire to see what I was so lovingly hugging.
I pulled back steadily and gently, but even that was not enough to stop the surprised and disappointed whimper from escaping the Quilava. I held his arms low down by his elbows and lingered, close as could possibly be.
"O-Oswald…" he pouted. And I melted. Fenn's ears were drooped, painted sunset red against the backdrop of fluffy white clouds. More red peeked out from the fur on his cheeks. It leaked out onto his short snout, filling out his face with delicate cherry flush ripe enough to smolder his cream colored fur. His eyes, too, were a wondrous ruby red. Wet and sparkling as if polished. So close and smooth that I could see my own eyes reflected back at me.
Words failed me. I wanted to stare for hours and absorb the gooey globs of velvet between us and spread it out across fields of roses and petunias. Water them with our loving embrace. Fenn, I would whisper to the flowers,
I love you. I love you. I love you.
"Fenn…" I whispered back. But despite having the words on the tip of my tongue, they would not leave me. They whispered out through my fingers, my tail, my whiskers:
I love you. I love you. I love you.
It was as though I forgot how to do anything but stare and marvel at the Quilava with a furnace around my heart. My mouth hung open limply, uselessly. What were words for, if not to express the most intimate of emotions?
His mouth hung open, as well. I could only imagine what words he would let fly if they had wings. From the additional whines rising from his throat, I could tell he wanted more. Needed more. More of me.
I adored the way his lips quivered when he was nervous, and how his fangs ever so slightly poked out from view. Maybe it was the pokemon in me desiring to bite and mark, but I wanted to taste the tender meat of his lips, feel the slight poke of fangs against my tongue.
His paws rose to my arms, rubbing them like he would his own, as if comforting me. Or, rather, he might have been encouraging me. My own paws remained at his sides as I found purchase there. A home.
I wanted him. So badly. More than either the human or the pokemon in me understood.
I couldn't stop myself if I tried. Eyes half-lidded, I leaned in. He seemed surprised at first, with eyes widened from their latent compassion. But that ended quickly once he fully understood what I wanted. What we both wanted.
He leaned into me himself as his paws rode the ridges of my thin arms, caressing them, eventually finding my shoulders. From there, his lips met mine without any issue.
It was a quick peck at first. Dipping our toes in the water, testing the heat. His lips found the base of my lower lip and I found the small spot between his nose and mouth. We both pulled back a couple inches for a reset and second attempt. This time was closer, with a breathy nip of mine finding a small bit of fur to take with me on the way out, leaving it pointed and wet.
Our third attempt was the closest. We had awkwardly shaped faces for a kiss like this—his longer even with his short snout. He turned his face a few degrees, though, locking lips with me. Like a long lost puzzle piece clicking into place.
Surprisingly, he was quite good at it. His lips curled in delight, opening and closing in tandem with mine, a steady back-and-forth. He tasted sweet, and a bit smokey. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about what it would be like to kiss him before. Sometimes, when his stuttering would get especially bad, and when I was feeling particularly bold, I considered shutting him up. No more extra effort to talk. Just let our lips tell the tale.
I was the one to pull back first, despite how much I never wanted it to end. But even water types like me needed to come up for air eventually. Besides, I had something to ask him, after all of that.
Fenn's breath was hot against my nose, his tongue still poking out. His pleading eyes angled up at me as if to ask "why did you stop?"
I chuckled, panting ever so slightly. I was curious. "Have you been practicing?" I wondered.
Fenn's eyes grew to twice their size. How was it possible for him to get even more red in the face? Sufficiently flustered, Fenn buried his face in my chest. He uttered, his voice muffled, "M-maybe…"
Cute.
I pulled him into me, resting my chin on his forehead. "So, what now?" I pondered, sighing.
Fenn turned his head, letting his mouth go free. "I-I don't know," he said. There was a dreamy quality to his tone that made him sound like he was barely awake.
"Heh…me neither."
I was okay with that. For once, I liked being uncertain. It was exciting.
And Fenn was the reason why. If it meant we could do it together, I had no worries.
"S-so, um…" Fenn murmured.
"Hm?"
"There was…one other th-thing I couldn't tell my dad…"
"What's that?"
"…I like males?"
I laughed. "Really now? I could've told you that."
He laughed back, burying his face in my chest again. "I-I'm glad I can be with you, Oswald. I love you."
"I love you, too, Fenn."
Confession - by Bograbbit
Kiss - by Timelocke
Author's Note - 9/28/2024
50 chapters. How's that for a "slow burn?"
I want to thank everyone that not only waited patiently for this chapter, but stuck with this story for this long. I know it took a while and it seemed like it wasn't going to get better at points, but I'm glad I was able to get here without much hassle. This has been a moment I've been waiting for for...years now. It's surreal finally getting here.
I had to make some major adjustments to this chapter mainly because I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to pull it off. And while I don't think it's perfect, I wanted to make sure I hit the beats I needed to just right, and keep things a little indulgent despite all of that. I'm sure some of you can appreciate it.
And hey, if you stuck around for this long, stick around for the rest. There's still plenty left to this story. It's just that now, our two leads can tackle it together. I'm very excited for that.
A huge thanks to my betas: Bonehead, Dust_Scout, and Timelocke. And of course, thank you. For everything. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Have a good one.
I have a bit more context for this argument now, though I'm not entirely sure where Calluna's coming from, since the whole fic we've been led to believe Anemone's a shut in who doesn't see people and Oswald is ✨special ✨because he's held her attention long enough to get multiple meetings and privating rooming and all that jazz. 