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K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Review
Chapter 3 a dragons linage

Ohh deathnoodles galore here in draconic and homely poison form no less. If you can't tell i'm a nerd for snakes... all things considered its not too surprising... and these two are adorable.

The pair of parents to be are so real as first time rearers. They're staggering over cultural norms (arboks confessed "we hatch and ditch" vs 'nair's wordless horror at the idea and wrangling with some classism of if the kid's "dragon enough".) Wild vs tamed 'mon world views and them trying to assimulate old life norms/culture verses the more quixotic seeming h7man world...

And, you know, more mundane first time jitters.

Kinda surprised they weren't set up with thier trainer to do a pre parenting to ween/foster a youngling to get some pracitce. Guess the eggbert was a surprise.

I imagine if you had to have a friendship mechanic between mon before breeding them it'd deture so much egg farming. On a less squick note, them both freaking out over the bundle of scales in the incubator is hilarious.

This dragonnair's got plenty of reason to shake off thier home cultures norms (being left for dead by ones neighbors will do that as well as really encourage you to move) but you show it still is a struggle. Ages later there's still some bad tape

Though Nair seems to have found the mute button occasionally it still plays in thier head.

Love how Nair pulls a Wheatly ("i know hacking!" And boinks head into ptoblem until it opens.) And gets it opens in perfect time for them to literally get egg (shell) in thier face.

Imagining the freaked out baby noodle hanging from "dadas" nose was worth a chuckle.. they should be happy thier trainer isn't there, or thier first encounter of the mini scaly kind would of been enshrined on the internet, or at least thuer trainers personal phone for future replaying.

So i did some digging and little wonder boyh parwnts were freaking out. Vua egg moves and breeding ekans born of dragonite/nair parents tend to get the following skill

"Intimidate"

And thier egg move a ekans can get fr9m a dragon is "scary face".

so its little wonder both mon mom and dad weren't hyperventalating post hatching with those moves ect in the cards..
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Review chapter 4
A dragons savior

Lovely begining thought train. To eat or not to eat... ones hiding spot... that is the question...

Due to biological differences i suspect all yhe dark and gloomy "stormy night" starts to a stereotypical horror film would be downright homey to our pov.

But then snakes... funnily enough considering my last tale i read. And pne with my favorite design to boot.

The convinece of regular rain and looming greenery made me think the setting might be a rainforest... but the island makes sense too...

I suspect the escape attempt is going to be exciting. Between a lurking preditor and our p.o.v.s lack of stanima,speed, and what i assume is an insane metabolism.

likely small size of our p.o.v. nonewithstanding, bug types in the mon world are horryfying. I'm sure our slimey friend would agree, hopefully he doesnt start a forest fire with his emergency fireburst.

Also, its come up several tines, but whats the diference between dragon fire and fire fire? Besides color i mean.

Ah the classic tired and true, let gravity take over. I'm surprused they didnt clonk themselves out to be honest...

I'm surprised they didnt spit out a last dragon fire harrah to be honest. Granted good thing they didnt, thier savior might of been singed... but the sudden bounce/crush to the attack, and the being rising almost slinky like above after the move, and the colors spied (as well as the theme) make me think this is an alola executor?

Kinda getting a ditzy benign treebeard vibe off of the ally shrub.

Did the descending death via pincer not tip our plant off or...

I wonder if straining to look up us going to cause our p.o.v.bloodflow problems... aka to pass out... or leave thier sense behind...

Well theyre more composed then expected. Brownie points for that...but how arethey going to slime up that cliff to get back to thier peers?

Well i supose thats a post nap problem.

Or considering the clutch of slimey mon is right there... maybe not so much. Huh wild mon being encouragd to be kind. Wonder how far that impulse will spread among our p.o.v.s clan after his story is done?
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Review
Dragons valor

You know its a fun fanon misconception that x mon is fearless. Tales like this are good reminders that even the scary intimidating ones started as balls of fluff. Or in this ones case, a widdle fire newt.

Between typing and Cynthia i respect Char's fear of garchomp. To quote jaiden animations "That thing was dreamed up by satan, and even he fears what it can do."

Hopping ahead a bit... It seems a bit evil that the "winning" trainer is counting what looks like a full fledged panic attack as a notch on the win score. Just saying...

The fight from our p.o.v. fire lizard seems an exercise in regret. Aka foot in mouth. And considering a 'zard's physiology thats some impressive yoga in play.

Snorts. Garchomps all formal and stern while the firebug is chanting "oh crap, bit off more then i can chew, ah!" I'm surprised they dont go airborn and bolt but its been a pretty short time since evolving... And that oh so justified panic...

So dragonfire mimics burns for firetypes? I'd wager they cringe in sympathy pain the next time they do a fireblast.

Well if battling doesn't become our p.o.v. charizards thing, i guess choir is an option, or perhaps opera?

Love how the charizard is so confident that thier trainer can save them from everything. It shows a sweet young side to them. And i can imagine the trainer having to teach thier char' in all its evolutions to mind thier tail during that snuggle and hide menuver least that gesture lead to accidental burns, loss of pants, and forest fires.

To counter garchomp i would say, "one aware of my chart type/meta" but i suspect my type is sassy where this soul is probably timid.


Winces. Stage fright to the point of puking in public... poor thing that had to have sucked. Still i suspect all this self flagulation is totally unwarented. Thier trainer stuck.with them through that and with more going forward and seems utterly supportive... but i dont think 'zard sees that yet.

Winter wonderland it is not. Guess Gar's acting in accordence to type chart and thier trainer is... not a snow person? Luckily for charizard them and thier trainer are set to stay safely warm if they travel close enough... something that both think of and act on. Though how both trainers didnt think to pack for weather changes is amusing me to no end...

Also by Garchomp's tone you think they were saying that "there are swarms of frosslass and articuno out there!"

Cue 'Zard bracing themselves and getting... an antagonistic snow flake... and being quietly amused at Gar's fear. Shame they don't rematch, a snowball might tip the battle charizards way....

Well thanks for the fun read. Til next time.]
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
Hi there, I'm here to take CuteBunnyGirl's place for a catnip review for you, Spiteful!

Apologies if this is coming in a bit late. My offer to help Bunny came late just yesterday evening.

I had agreed to help her out here before I even knew who she was supposed to review and i am pleasantly surprised to see it is you!

This will be a great opportunity for me to show you the quality I can put in for reviews! I hope you enjoy!

Author's Note: Special thanks to @Venia Silente and @CinderArts for beta reading this one-shot, and to @Cresselia92 for the story art.
Credit where credit it due. I love seeing things like this from an author. It shows a lack of selfishness as a first impression.

That's so cool you have art for just a drabble. I'm a bit envious. Certainly an interesting bit of art!

A Guarding Dragon
Guarding what from what, I wonder? :eyes:



Turffield had always been a quiet town, its rhythms dictated by the surrounding farms and their harvests.
Nice opening line here! I don't think I have read anything quite like it. Very atmospherical!

While life had taken a quicker pace in the town itself, especially after the local stadium was built, its surroundings remained as quiet and bucolic as ever.
A stadium? I sense battle as a probable plot point here!

The fact that everything else around is so quiet really helps to zero in on this stadium being THE thing to do in this town. Nice way of highlighting it's importance without directly stating it!

And so it was for you that day, on the same old dirt lane, next to the same old apple orchard, all under the same old sky under the drifting clouds.
Nice way to describe peace here. I loved the bit with the drifting clouds.

You even stood guard on the same old stand put out for harvest time: a shabby table with a raised ledge at its deep end that you sat on, overlooking cardboard cartons resting at an angle that were stocked with the same red apples that grew year in and year out.
Ah, so our character is the guardian of the apples! Makes sense with the art! I also think it's interesting how you describe the main character as 'you'. You are pulling me into the story with this simple wording tactic. It's pretty cool! :veelove:

Clearly this 'guardian of the apples' is not new to apple-guarding.

They were set out next to the same old sign and the same old chipped cup offering them up for sale.
Ok, I have to admit I am confused on the purpose of the chipped cup here. Is it like a tip jar or the place customers put money?

Three for the price of one of those ‘soda pops’ that were all the rage.
Soda as currency?! Now I'm wondering if they use money. :eyes:

Thinking about it more, I think you are saying that for the price of one soda, you could pay the same amount of money to purchase 3 apples. So they don't have a system of bartering without any money in this town. Honestly I'm ok with either detail. Bartering would be really nifty as a concept though.

Nice use of italics for a sound effect! I knew what you were doing right away here!

Along with the same clatter of metal against porcelain that jolts you to attention. You raise your eyes briefly from your disguise and see a gray-haired woman dropping some spare change into it before grabbing at one of the apples on the shelf.
The line right after clink but before the next one reads oddly to me. Like it overlaps from the idea of the sound effect and almost seems like the end of the sentence would read better with a comma instead of a period.

Recommendation:
"Clink.

The clatter of metal against porcelain jolts you to attention. You raise your eyes briefly..."

If that recommendation changes the meaning of what you are trying to say, then I feel like it needs some kind of re-wording. As it currently stands, trying to figure out what it is saying is distracting to me. Maybe that is a 'me' problem, but if its like that for me, I would guess it's like that for others potentially too.

Ok, now that I read the second sentence, I can see it's from multiple coins hitting the jar. So, while it certainly clarifies what is happening, it didn't prevent me from tripping myself up trying to read the prior sentence.

As for the content, this is pretty nifty. The guardian is disguised and keeping watch for potential thieves it seems. Also, given the art, I'm pretty sure the guardian is hiding in a red egg that was placed among the apples.

You let your gaze linger jealously on her for a moment, only to turn away and slink back into your cover as the sound of footsteps shuffles off.
Jealously? Is the guardian employed to keep watch but is paid such a small amount of money that they can't afford apples? Is this slave labor going on here? Is the guardian too young to be able to properly digest apples and thus cannot eat them? Why the jealousy? :unsure:

Questions within questions....

Just another normal sale, and from one of the same old customers to this orchard. One that’d probably been giving business for quite a while.
So the guardian isn't sure how often this customer buys from them. It seems there are many customers that come by the stand for apples.

The family that ran this orchard had set aside a small portion of their stock every growing season for travelers for years, perhaps for centuries.
So they give out apples as charity to travelers? That's a sweet gesture. I like this family.

If the stories told by your mentor who used to keep watch for the orchard were to be believed, they’d kept this practice alive since the times when humans wore metal armor and fought with blades much as Sirfetch’d do.
This gives a nice sense of depth and history.

I like how this drabble seems to take its time with set up. It may have a small word count being what it is, but it seems to say that it's not about the word count, but the vibe.

Times that even a dragon would find to be from a distant, unrecognizable era.
Further enhancement of the vibe. Very nice.

Fortunately, the process by which the orchard sold off the part of its stock you watched over was simple to understand: take an apple from the hoard of red fruits set out, and then add some change to the hoard of coins in the cup. A gesture of goodwill and trust to those passers-by.
Good to know!

“Oi, look, there’s free food just lying around there.”
Just from this ONE line, I can tell this person is like a Tauros in a china shop.

Except, every year, there were always a handful of travelers that would abuse that trust, and you were pretty sure you could see a few more of their ilk right now from your hiding place: a stocky young man and a gangly girl. The pair were both dressed in black with ridiculous pink hair and face paint.
So now we will get to see the guardian in action presumably. :eyes:

The pair certainly seems hoodlum enough! :mewlulz:

That was why you were here: to serve as the orchard’s trusted guardian over its little hoard of fruit and coins. The loutish humans hadn’t noticed you yet, and you keep a careful, watchful eye over them as the man reaches for one of the apples and bite into it much to his partner’s skepticism.
So they are going to take food for free and not even properly appreciate it...

Your mentor told you stories in the past of how sometimes it was best to take a gentler approach with passersby who would abuse the trust of the orchard. When they were needy or desperate, or when they’d simply failed to read the sign. Circumstances that merited a stern but patient warning, or sometimes even a blind eye in understanding.
Aww this was a nice tidbit to hear. Some really great detail in here. They are careful to protect the feelings of others. :veelove:

“Aren’t you supposed to pay for that first, bruv?”

I don’t see anyone actually bothering to sell them. And someone just left this money lying around! Finders keepers!”
They done messed up now! :mewlulz:

Though from the man’s words and way he was reaching for the coin-hoard in the cup, a gentle approach would clearly not do. You uncoil yourself from your hiding place, a larger apple hiding in plain sight on the raised shelf at the top of the stand, and stretch your neck out to telegraph your warning.
The art was clearly an egg. I feel lied to! :ROFLMAO:

Hiding in a big apple though? Wouldn't that make people try to take that one instead? Maybe it should look like it has a deformity or something so people don't try to touch it.

Even now, the guardian warns them.

“Wait, why does it suddenly smell like flowers right now?”

The humans turn and look up at you, with your disguise revealed. You uncoil your body and spread your wings, fanning them wide to make yourself look bigger and remind the pair that even if it was a modest dragon hoard, that it was yours, and that they stole from it at their own peril.
Ah that makes sense now! The jealousy is that the guardian is a dragon and it considers the apples its treasure hoard! Nice!

To make your message clear, you raise your voice and let out the fiercest roar you could muster…

Which judging from the look on the man’s face, still needs a bit of work to make it sound more imposing.
Ah the guardian is too young to be taken very seriously it seems! :mewlulz:

“Ah, it’s just a Flapple,” he scoffed. “What, come here to help yourself to some apples, too?”
A pokemon that is like an apple I guess? I am unfamiliar with it...

*looks up wiki*

OH from the art, I thought the green part was supposed to look like a horn! I think its supposed to look like a leaf which would make it look like an apple and NOT an egg! That makes sense now!

You narrow your eyes and feel bile build up at the back of your throat after seeing the man pick up the cup. You’d given him fair warning, now it was time to show this would-be thief that you meant business. You spit up a spray of fluid at his coat, which sizzles against the fabric, bubbling up as the acid eats away at its surface. That gets your message across, and the humans’ arrogance quickly evaporates as their eyes shoot wide and they recoil with startled yelps.
I can understand this. Flapple was not in the wrong here.

“Ack! Blimey!”

“I told you you were supposed to pay for that!” the woman cried. “Let’s get out of here!”

The man hurriedly throws aside his jacket as your acid burns holes into it and the pair take off running down the path, the man dropping his purloined apple along the way. Good riddance, really.
Yeah... dude had it coming.

You make your way down from your perch and right the cup and the coin-hoard, carefully returning the loose coins that came out. Then you turn your attention to the jacket and tug at it to move it off the path. No sense in leaving it lying around to make other travelers unsafe and scare them off.
Aww, so dutiful! Doesn't like its hoard being diminished, but is a faithful guardian!

You bite down on a corner and pull it away onto the other side of the road, when you hear a jingling noise. A quick nose into a pocket and search with your claws turns up some coins in it.
Money? But what shall be done with it?

Enough to have bought at least three of the stand’s apples had the man just been honest.
Not too shocked here.

You take the coins and add them to the cup, before taking the bitten apple the loutish man abandoned and returning to your perch. For whatever reason, humans had a habit of casting aside perfectly good apples after someone else gave even the littlest of bites to them, but that was hardly a loss for you.
A fitting place for the coins at this point.

Ah, and now Flapple gets to eat the remainder of the apple! :mewlulz:

It was back to the same old quiet, watching over the same old stand on the same old lane outside of Turffield. Except now you had a snack as you waited for the next traveler to come by.
And the circle was complete. Ready for the next traveler to arrive. Who is to say how far the family tradition would continue? One thing is certain, the apples of the stand would continue to be guarded all the days of your life in this quiet and timeless land.

All under the same old sky.

Under the drifting clouds...



Original Drabble:

Charizard​
Cute but Ferocious​
Flapple
Dragons' Lineage​
Goomy​
A Dragon Someday​
Ekans​
Flightless​
Exeggutor​

Turffield had always been a quiet, humble town, with its rhythms dictated by the growth and harvests of the nurturing bowl of its many terraced farming fields. While life had taken a quicker pace in the town itself, especially after the construction of its stadium, its surroundings remained as quiet and bucolic as ever. And so it was for you that day, on the same old dirt lane, next to the same old apple orchard all under the same old sky under the drifting clouds.

There was even the same old stand that got put out at around harvest time, stocked with the same red apples that grew year in and year out next to the same old sign and chipped cup offering them up for sale. Three for the price of one of those ‘soda pops’ that were all the rage.

The family that ran this orchard had set aside a small portion of their stock every growing season for travelers for years, perhaps for centuries if the stories you’d heard passed down of this field being around back in the times when humans wore metal armor and fought much as a Sirfetch’d might with sword and shield were to be believed. It was a simple enough process, take a piece of the hoard of apples set out, add a piece to the hoard of coins in the cup. A gesture of goodwill and trust to those passers-by.

“Oi, look, there’s free food just lying around there.”

Except, every year, there were always a handful of travelers that would abuse that trust, including the pair of louts in black with ridiculous pink hair and face paint that you could see from your hiding place: a stocky young man, and a gangly girl. That’s why you were there: to serve as the trusted guardian of the little hoard of fruit and coins. The pair hadn’t noticed you yet, and you kept a careful, watchful eye over them as the man reached for one of the apples and bit into it much to his partner’s skepticism.

Your mentor had told you stories of how sometimes it was best to take a gentler approach with ones who would abuse the trust of the orchard. When they were needy or desperate, or when they’d failed to read the sign. Circumstances that merited a patient warning, or sometimes a blind eye in understanding.

“Aren’t you supposed to pay for that first, bruv?”

I don’t see anyone actually bothering to sell them. And someone just left this money lying around! Finders keepers!”

Though from the way that the man was reaching for the coin-hoard in the cup, a gentle approach would clearly not do. You uncoiled yourself from your hiding place, a larger apple hiding in plain sight on the top of the stand, and stretched your neck out to telegraph your warning.

“Wait, why does it suddenly smell like flowers right now?”

The humans turned and looked up at you, with your disguise revealed, you uncoiled your body and spread your wings with the fiercest roar you could muster…

Judging from the look on the man’s face, you still needed to work a bit on making it sound threatening.

“Ah, it’s just a Flapple,” he scoffed. “What, come here to help yourself to some apples, too?”

You narrowed your eyes and felt bile built up at the back of your throat after seeing the man pick up the cup. You’d given him fair warning, now it was time to show this would-be thief that you meant business. You spat up a spray of fluid at his coat, which made a sizzling noise as it bubbled up from acid eating away at it as the humans’ eyes shot wide.

“Ack! Blimey!”

“I told you you were supposed to pay for that!” the woman cried. “Let’s get out of here!”

The man hurriedly threw aside his jacket as your acid bored holes into it and the pair took off running down the path, the man dropping his purloined apple along the way. Good riddance, really. You righted the cup and the coin-hoard, carefully returning the loose coins that came out. Then you turned your attention to the jacket and tugged at it to move it off the path. No sense in scaring away other travelers with it. You bit down on a corner and tugged it away onto the other side of the road, when you heard a jingling noise. A quick search of a pocket revealed some coins in it. Enough to have bought at least three of the stand’s apples had the man just been honest.

You took the coins and added them to the cup, before taking the bitten apple and returning to your perch. For whatever reason, humans would turn up perfectly good apples even after a little bite, but that was hardly a loss for you.

It was back to the same old quiet, watching over the same old stand on the same old lane outside of Turffield. Except now you had a snack as you waited for the next travelers to come by.
It's interesting to read the original too. I love what you did with everything you added to the current version by comparison!

Summary:
So, this story has a sense of rich timeless vibe to it. Great care goes into how the apple stand is ran. It is a place of understanding and charity but not without the means to defend itself lest the stand be ruined and that it would no longer serve those it was put there to serve.

As my first introduction to your writing style, Spiteful, I must say I am impressed with your writing ability and found this to be a worthwhile read! Thank you for posting!
 

Panoramic_Vacuum

Hoenn around
Partners
  1. aggron
  2. lairon
Hey, thanks for sending this rec my way! Sometimes I just want to read a little something with the funny ronk man in it, and this delivered. I like your choice of POV character, and the xeno angle of of trying to understand these "weird" rules about how the world works when your trainer (your trusted partner and beloved friend who takes care of you and looks out for you) happens to omit the whole "yeah this isn't exactly 'legal'" thing, but also explaining legality to your partner pokemon is probably a whole other can of worms.

Another commenter mentioned that it makes sense that it would be confusing that some fighting good, but other fighting bad? Although you might think a pattern would start to rear its head at some point, though it does seem like that's partially getting through to Grovyle. Enough to know maybeeee you shouldn't do this, and if you do *definitely* don't get caught.

Except whoops, you tried to pickpocket the literal Champion of Hoenn and his psychic partner. I like the difference in reaction between Metagross and Steven, and not because of a language barrier either. I can definitely see Steven having a soft spot for pokemon (vs if a human had tried to pull the same theft, he might not be as forgiving.) You have to wonder though, if in like 3-5 years there's a headline for a Mega Sceptile trainer committing crimes, if Steven is aware he had aided and abetted the duo 😂

Fun little read, thanks so much for pointing it out to me.
 

IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
  9. zorua
Hi! Here to finally finish our review exchange, with reviews for A Dragon Someday and A Flightless Dragon!

These were both very lovely little ficlets! I adore how much personality you give the Pokemon here, and how you have them perceive human concepts! It's all very cool!

My personal favorite of the two was A Dragon Someday. Between the PMD reference, the inclusion of Steven Stone, the little mega stone mix-up, and the vivid flashback section, it was a really fun read! Was giggling with glee the entire time I read it!

Of course, A Flightless Dragon was no slouch either! I love the mundane beginning quickly transitioning to a hospital visit, and then the joy of the Bagon as they get to (sorta) fly at last! I legitimately teared up a bit at the end!

Thank you for writing both of these lovely little stories!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
  9. axew-irune
Heya, making another stop on my tour of stories where… well, I do hope to update this one someday™ in the future, but next year, I expect my dragony third wheel quota to be more than spoken for by de facto spinoffs to this story, so it probably won’t be then.

Anyhow, there was a surprising amount of feedback this year, so let’s just jump in and start plugging out some responses:

@K_S
Heya, so it’s only taken the better part of the year to finally respond, but I’m still chuffed to bits that you went so far above and beyond for your prize review of this story, so let’s get right into things:

I imagine between survival of the fitest, a traditional dragons life span, and general mon world schenanigans, easy chow has got to be hard to get. So i can see the alure of easy pickings.... still this can go bad. I'm wondering if our draco is heading to a daycare center where all the unwanted ev/iv cast offs with wild move sets are released?

Close but no cigar. The location actually got namedropped later on in this one-shot, which wasn’t quite a Day Care.

As his mental chatter continues i suspect he's three headed, one brained, and three stomached... not a good cobination.

I mean, that’s debatable given how things allegedly go with Zweilous’ two brains according to the Pokédex. But yeah, it was definitely not a good combination for the rest of the world. ^^;

I suspect between his "fear me rawr" angle and "i'm special because i'm a dragon" that we are gearing up to see an epic case of "pride goeth before a fall".

That obvious, huh?

Sheep? Wooloo or... ok so yellow means mareep... wait, is the head sheep megaevolved? Because if so our draco is going to get his heads handed to him on a silver platter…

No, but he still got his heads handed to him all the same.

Snorts. Pompus much, Mr. Spyro Knock Off? I suppose such vauge and grim warnings sound better then "so the fleshy bipeds have these rocks, and they throw them, and you get stuck in this itty bitty living space where you can only kinda see out...."

Those warnings probably wouldn’t be effective anyways since Pokéballs don’t quite work that way in this story and the others that share its setting. There’s actually a couple one-shots later on that delve into it a bit more.

Looks like per his justification and purpose Hyd' is not going out of his way to wrangle with humans today…

Which is wise on his part, really. Since sure, the average human’s Pokémon isn’t necessarily anything special, but thar be monsters among them, as Hydreigon learned the hard way.

I can imagine that if Hyd' cared to learn/listen the mareeps words he'd hear the sounds of high pitched echo of the dragon alert used in the originsl "how to train your dragon" or perhaps the civilian casts screams during a godzilla flick....

That… sounds about right, yes.

Though i wonder if Hyd' would have the sense to be scared it the mareep started meeping for thier "big brother". Especually if they did so calmly.

Hydreigon: “What, me? Be afraid of some sheep? Surely you jest!”
916605806961623090.webp


nother point to three heads and one brain (and probably three brain cells) he can't see that the whole herd isn't just mounting a rescue, they are stalling.

To be fair, they weren’t doing that great of a job at it given how they basically ran off screaming every time Hydreigon roared at them. ^^;

Kinda curious to see how a dragon pulse works beyond the game mechanics/visuals. Not detailing if feels a little like an oportumity lost.

Hrm, I kinda thought that I did show it off there. If you’re referring more to the “what and why” of what that bluish maybe/maybe-not-fire is, I figured that expositioning it didn’t quite work since it’d basically come as second nature to Hydreigon there so it’d feel like expositioning breathing in-context.

Ah but does Amph'have a lusious tail and head like an escapee lo'real model? Because if he does this is going to go sideways in seconds.

No, but things still went sideways in seconds anyways.

Love that classism. "I am dragon hear me roar you mere pet..."

Yeah, I figured that something along those lines would be in play for wild Pokémon that looked down on trained ones, which some lines from Dr. Footstep in DPPt imply happen to some extent.

While Amph is ticking up a non-existant eyebrow thinking "i just knocked you out of the sky, like two seconds ago"

Yes, but that would require Hydreigon to telegraph to Ampharos that that hit hurt more than he expected. ^^;

And Amp looks like he's leading with a thunderwave. Giving him breathing space and slowing the bulky dragon down and Hyd' still doesnt see he's being played.

I'm sure between shock and impact he's cottening on... maybe. And i also downgrade my estimate... he's got one cell. And its clearly saying "ouch".

I mean, in his defense, a Level 30 and a Level 65+ Ampharos don’t have much in the way of visual differences. If Ampharos here was one of the former and not the latter, this showdown would’ve ended quite differently for everyone involved. :copyka:

So much for bravery/dignity Mr. Eyes scrunched shut and whimpering.... love how the sheep let him stew, then after deciding "nah, i dont need new boots" let the dragon off with a warning.

Yeah, bravery/dignity amongst pseudolegendaries and similarly strong Pokémon strikes me as one of those things that you won’t really get a firm read on how much they have until you see them in over their head. Since it’s easy to be brave and tough in the face of a weak opponent, not so much when you’re on the ground winded and expecting to die.

Though it might of been funnier if the Ram had nailed him with a "dragon tail" attack…

Alas, this one-shot was written in the twilight days of Gen 8, when Dragon Tail Ampharos was not a thing and Dragon Pulse was a late levelup move for them.

I can imagine the herd on the way back , carrying thier woundrd, meeping about how "we could of used his hide for a waterproof tent.." or "his jaws for a cool bale of hay holder..."

And the Ram is like, "seriously, guys, calm your bloodlust already, we are herbavores"

"Ooh and his spines/tail as a giant wool comb!"

I can neither confirm nor deny that something to that effect happened. :mewlulz:

Ohh deathnoodles galore here in draconic and homely poison form no less. If you can't tell i'm a nerd for snakes... all things considered its not too surprising... and these two are adorable.

Just filing that one away for later if I have some more snake-y material to throw your way in the future.

The pair of parents to be are so real as first time rearers. They're staggering over cultural norms (arboks confessed "we hatch and ditch" vs 'nair's wordless horror at the idea and wrangling with some classism of if the kid's "dragon enough".) Wild vs tamed 'mon world views and them trying to assimulate old life norms/culture verses the more quixotic seeming h7man world…

I mean, “hitch and ditch” is basically how most snakes operate IRL. With the primary exceptions being pythons, which Arbok isn’t quite. And yeah, I figured that it was bait for playing opposing expectations in spite of morphological similarities here, which sounds like it got what it was intending to done.

And, you know, more mundane first time jitters.

Kinda surprised they weren't set up with thier trainer to do a pre parenting to ween/foster a youngling to get some pracitce. Guess the eggbert was a surprise.

Something to that effect yet. Also it “helps” that there was a hard language barrier between them and their trainer, as you saw in some of your other reviews.

I imagine if you had to have a friendship mechanic between mon before breeding them it'd deture so much egg farming. On a less squick note, them both freaking out over the bundle of scales in the incubator is hilarious.

Yeeeeeeah, my baseline assumption in my writing is that the way the Day Care works in the games is basically a massive abstraction and that attempting to 1:1 that with sapient beings is basically an recipe for lots and lots of problems.

This dragonnair's got plenty of reason to shake off thier home cultures norms (being left for dead by ones neighbors will do that as well as really encourage you to move) but you show it still is a struggle. Ages later there's still some bad tape

I mean, to be fair, that’s just life in the wild even in real life. If someone in your pack/herd/[whatever] is struggling and not getting better on their own or with what you know to do to try to help, you have to cut your losses and focus on everyone else that isn't statistically dead weight.

Love how Nair pulls a Wheatly ("i know hacking!" And boinks head into ptoblem until it opens.) And gets it opens in perfect time for them to literally get egg (shell) in thier face.

I mean, at least he didn’t have to resort to telling his mate to look away for a second. :mewlulz:

Imagining the freaked out baby noodle hanging from "dadas" nose was worth a chuckle.. they should be happy thier trainer isn't there, or thier first encounter of the mini scaly kind would of been enshrined on the internet, or at least thuer trainers personal phone for future replaying.

Fortunately for them, their trainer is probably more considerate than that. ^^;

So i did some digging and little wonder boyh parwnts were freaking out. Vua egg moves and breeding ekans born of dragonite/nair parents tend to get the following skill

"Intimidate"

And thier egg move a ekans can get fr9m a dragon is "scary face".

I had more of the whole “shock of suddenly getting bitten in mind”, but I suppose that would help with things, yes.

Lovely begining thought train. To eat or not to eat... ones hiding spot... that is the question…

And one that needs to be grappled with on a daily basis if you’re sufficiently far down the food chain. :copyka:

Due to biological differences i suspect all yhe dark and gloomy "stormy night" starts to a stereotypical horror film would be downright homey to our pov.

Well, I don’t know about the “stormy” part, but a rainy night would probably be very welcome for our Goomy protagonist here for much the same reason it is for slugs and snails IRL, yes.

But then snakes... funnily enough considering my last tale i read. And pne with my favorite design to boot.

Yeah, not so cute and cuddly when they’re big enough to swallow you whole, huh? ^^;

The convinece of regular rain and looming greenery made me think the setting might be a rainforest... but the island makes sense too…

It’s not stated explicitly, but this is an actual island from the series whose identity is implied through the small details of its depiction: Exeggutor Island.

I suspect the escape attempt is going to be exciting. Between a lurking preditor and our p.o.v.s lack of stanima,speed, and what i assume is an insane metabolism.

likely small size of our p.o.v. nonewithstanding, bug types in the mon world are horryfying. I'm sure our slimey friend would agree, hopefully he doesnt start a forest fire with his emergency fireburst.

Fortunately for everyone else on the island, things aren’t sufficiently dry and crispy for that at the moment. ^^;

Also, its come up several tines, but whats the diference between dragon fire and fire fire? Besides color i mean.

You got an answer to that in the next one-shot that you read, but TL/DR, it’s not normal “fire” and may or may not have a paranormal component to it.

Ah the classic tired and true, let gravity take over. I'm surprused they didnt clonk themselves out to be honest…

Well, fortunately for Goomy, that didn’t happen there since it’d have been a noticeably shorter one-shot otherwise.

I'm surprised they didnt spit out a last dragon fire harrah to be honest. Granted good thing they didnt, thier savior might of been singed... but the sudden bounce/crush to the attack, and the being rising almost slinky like above after the move, and the colors spied (as well as the theme) make me think this is an alola executor?

correct-plankton.gif


Kinda getting a ditzy benign treebeard vibe off of the ally shrub.

Did the descending death via pincer not tip our plant off or…

I was aiming more for a “what are you doing here anyways” here.

I wonder if straining to look up us going to cause our p.o.v.bloodflow problems... aka to pass out... or leave thier sense behind…

Nah, in the grand scheme of things, they weren’t looking up all that long. ^^;

Well theyre more composed then expected. Brownie points for that...but how arethey going to slime up that cliff to get back to thier peers?

Well i supose thats a post nap problem.

I mean, yeah. Some R&R would probably be called for after a near death experience there. ^^;

Or considering the clutch of slimey mon is right there... maybe not so much. Huh wild mon being encouragd to be kind. Wonder how far that impulse will spread among our p.o.v.s clan after his story is done?

we-dont-know-dont-know.gif


Depends on what you assume Goomy is like as a personality, I guess, even if I’d like to think that if they lived long enough and grew strong enough, that they’d pay things forward at some point given that Exeggutor strongly implies they went through something similar in the past.

You know its a fun fanon misconception that x mon is fearless. Tales like this are good reminders that even the scary intimidating ones started as balls of fluff. Or in this ones case, a widdle fire newt.

Ohhh yes, +Attack / -Speed has been around as a nature in the games for over 20 years now, and there’s some fun to be had with slapping it onto an archetypical “tough Pokémon” and seeing what that looks like.

Between typing and Cynthia i respect Char's fear of garchomp. To quote jaiden animations "That thing was dreamed up by satan, and even he fears what it can do."

I mean, is he really wrong? ^^;

Hopping ahead a bit... It seems a bit evil that the "winning" trainer is counting what looks like a full fledged panic attack as a notch on the win score. Just saying…

Garchomp: “And this is my problem why when they were huffing and puffing earlier about how tough he was? They even said they did that in the narration!”
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The fight from our p.o.v. fire lizard seems an exercise in regret. Aka foot in mouth. And considering a 'zard's physiology thats some impressive yoga in play.

Charizard: “Is this really necessary right now?” >_>;

Snorts. Garchomps all formal and stern while the firebug is chanting "oh crap, bit off more then i can chew, ah!" I'm surprised they dont go airborn and bolt but its been a pretty short time since evolving... And that oh so justified panic…

Well, also deeply unimpressed considering the implied context for how this battle started to begin with.

So dragonfire mimics burns for firetypes? I'd wager they cringe in sympathy pain the next time they do a fireblast.

Probably not since they’d likely insist that that’s different.

Well if battling doesn't become our p.o.v. charizards thing, i guess choir is an option, or perhaps opera?

I mean, they were shame spiraling hard enough that some thought to the effect probably crossed their mind. ^^;

Love how the charizard is so confident that thier trainer can save them from everything. It shows a sweet young side to them. And i can imagine the trainer having to teach thier char' in all its evolutions to mind thier tail during that snuggle and hide menuver least that gesture lead to accidental burns, loss of pants, and forest fires.

I mean, yeah, I could see that happening when this zard was quite a bit smaller. :mewlulz:

To counter garchomp i would say, "one aware of my chart type/meta" but i suspect my type is sassy where this soul is probably timid.

Charizard is absolutely Timid, yes. I admittedly didn’t put a ton of thought into what the Garchomp’s equivalent would be, but could buy ‘Sassy’ for her, yes.

Winces. Stage fright to the point of puking in public... poor thing that had to have sucked. Still i suspect all this self flagulation is totally unwarented. Thier trainer stuck.with them through that and with more going forward and seems utterly supportive... but i dont think 'zard sees that yet.

Well, they didn’t, since it’d have short-circuited a good half of the one-shot as you saw later on.

Winter wonderland it is not. Guess Gar's acting in accordence to type chart and thier trainer is... not a snow person? Luckily for charizard them and thier trainer are set to stay safely warm if they travel close enough... something that both think of and act on. Though how both trainers didnt think to pack for weather changes is amusing me to no end…

Garchomp: “Look, it’s supposed to be spring, okay?!”
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Also by Garchomp's tone you think they were saying that "there are swarms of frosslass and articuno out there!"

Cue 'Zard bracing themselves and getting... an antagonistic snow flake... and being quietly amused at Gar's fear. Shame they don't rematch, a snowball might tip the battle charizards way....

Well thanks for the fun read. Til next time.

And thanks again for the review! I’ll be looking forward to crossing paths again with you sometime soon. ^^

@Tango
Hi there, I'm here to take CuteBunnyGirl's place for a catnip review for you, Spiteful!

Apologies if this is coming in a bit late. My offer to help Bunny came late just yesterday evening.

I had agreed to help her out here before I even knew who she was supposed to review and i am pleasantly surprised to see it is you!

This will be a great opportunity for me to show you the quality I can put in for reviews! I hope you enjoy!

I’ll admit, I hadn’t really expected to get this review back in the day, though with how it turned out, I can hardly complain since it was a lot of fun to read through.

That's so cool you have art for just a drabble. I'm a bit envious. Certainly an interesting bit of art!

Yeah, even if I’ve kinda built up a backlog to get through for more recent pieces, it’s been a goal of mine to pick up a banner or equivalent thereof for every story that I write. There’s actually more presently in the pipeline for this one that’s been held up by some scheduling limbo that will hopefully make an appearance SOON™

Nice opening line here! I don't think I have read anything quite like it. Very atmospherical!

Yeah, it can sometimes be a bit tricky for me to figure out what note I want to kick off a scene from, but “this is where you are, and this is what it’s like” has been a pretty reliable formula. Glad to hear that it worked here, too.

A stadium? I sense battle as a probable plot point here!

The fact that everything else around is so quiet really helps to zero in on this stadium being THE thing to do in this town. Nice way of highlighting it's importance without directly stating it!

Nah, it’s just an acknowledgement that Turffield has one as part of its local Gym in Sword and Shield. Our actual action for this one-shot was focused out in the boonies.

Ah, so our character is the guardian of the apples! Makes sense with the art! I also think it's interesting how you describe the main character as 'you'. You are pulling me into the story with this simple wording tactic. It's pretty cool! :veelove:

Clearly this 'guardian of the apples' is not new to apple-guarding.

correct-plankton.gif


Ok, I have to admit I am confused on the purpose of the chipped cup here. Is it like a tip jar or the place customers put money?

It’s where they leave money. This one-shot is basically set in the equivalent of one of those stands in high-trust rural towns where people leave out goods/produce with a sign saying how much to pay and a jar to leave payment in.

Soda as currency?! Now I'm wondering if they use money. :eyes:

Thinking about it more, I think you are saying that for the price of one soda, you could pay the same amount of money to purchase 3 apples. So they don't have a system of bartering without any money in this town. Honestly I'm ok with either detail. Bartering would be really nifty as a concept though.

There is money in this setting, it’s just how our viewpoint character finds it a bit of an alien concept, so parsing the value of it by “things you can buy with it instead” is how they try to make it more comprehensible.

The line right after clink but before the next one reads oddly to me. Like it overlaps from the idea of the sound effect and almost seems like the end of the sentence would read better with a comma instead of a period.

Recommendation:
"Clink.

The clatter of metal against porcelain jolts you to attention. You raise your eyes briefly..."

If that recommendation changes the meaning of what you are trying to say, then I feel like it needs some kind of re-wording. As it currently stands, trying to figure out what it is saying is distracting to me. Maybe that is a 'me' problem, but if its like that for me, I would guess it's like that for others potentially too.

No, I think I see your point since your rewording seems quite a bit clearer. I went and dropped it in.

As for the content, this is pretty nifty. The guardian is disguised and keeping watch for potential thieves it seems. Also, given the art, I'm pretty sure the guardian is hiding in a red egg that was placed among the apples.

Nah, that’s just the apple or whatever it is that Flapple shields its body in.

Jealously? Is the guardian employed to keep watch but is paid such a small amount of money that they can't afford apples? Is this slave labor going on here? Is the guardian too young to be able to properly digest apples and thus cannot eat them? Why the jealousy? :unsure:

Questions within questions....

They’re just possessive. From Flapple’s perspective, this is their apples and coins they’re watching over on behalf of their buddies, and even if they’re small, they’re more than a bit dragon-y about them.

So they give out apples as charity to travelers? That's a sweet gesture. I like this family.

More that they sell a portion of their harvest in this fashion.

This gives a nice sense of depth and history.

I like how this drabble seems to take its time with set up. It may have a small word count being what it is, but it seems to say that it's not about the word count, but the vibe.

Yeah, getting so much done in so few words is honestly a bit of a dark art that I’m still not fully consistent at pulling off, though glad to hear that it worked here at least.

Just from this ONE line, I can tell this person is like a Tauros in a china shop.

Which is precisely why Flapple is there to help keep an eye on the stock.

So now we will get to see the guardian in action presumably. :eyes:

The pair certainly seems hoodlum enough! :mewlulz:

I mean, such is life with Team Yell given that they were very transparently based off of soccer/football hooligans.

So they are going to take food for free and not even properly appreciate it…

Flapple: “Correction, they were going to steal the food. Emphasis on ‘were’ since it wasn’t happening if I had anything to say about it.”
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Aww this was a nice tidbit to hear. Some really great detail in here. They are careful to protect the feelings of others. :veelove:

Yeah, it just felt like the sorts of things that someone who runs that sort of stand would do in terms of archetypal premise.

They done messed up now! :mewlulz:

And how! :copyka:

The art was clearly an egg. I feel lied to! :ROFLMAO:

Hiding in a big apple though? Wouldn't that make people try to take that one instead? Maybe it should look like it has a deformity or something so people don't try to touch it.

Nah, that’s just how Flapple are. Presumably, if someone tries to take their apple, they’d get a touch:

dont-touch-me-leave-me-alone.gif


about it.

Ah that makes sense now! The jealousy is that the guardian is a dragon and it considers the apples its treasure hoard! Nice!

Once again:

correct-plankton.gif


Ah the guardian is too young to be taken very seriously it seems! :mewlulz:

More like “too small”. The average Flapple serieswise is allegedly a foot tall on average. A very big apple, but a not-so-big dragon that wouldn’t exactly scream “intimidating” at first blush.

A pokemon that is like an apple I guess? I am unfamiliar with it...

*looks up wiki*

OH from the art, I thought the green part was supposed to look like a horn! I think its supposed to look like a leaf which would make it look like an apple and NOT an egg! That makes sense now!

Yeah, that. Though I suppose that means there might be a few more surprises down the road for you in this oneshot collection, since it primarily focuses on “weird” dragons from the franchise. ^^;

I can understand this. Flapple was not in the wrong here.

[...]

Yeah... dude had it coming.

Flapple: “*And how!*”

Ah, and now Flapple gets to eat the remainder of the apple! :mewlulz:

A well-deserved reward for our faithful guardian, no? :V

It's interesting to read the original too. I love what you did with everything you added to the current version by comparison!

I honestly wasn’t expecting the original drabble to also get reviewed, though thanks for checking it out. Even if the final versions of these one-shots are the superior ones, IMO, I figured that given that the originals were publicly posted here onsite, that it only made sense to also record them for posterity.

Summary:
So, this story has a sense of rich timeless vibe to it. Great care goes into how the apple stand is ran. It is a place of understanding and charity but not without the means to defend itself lest the stand be ruined and that it would no longer serve those it was put there to serve.

As my first introduction to your writing style, Spiteful, I must say I am impressed with your writing ability and found this to be a worthwhile read! Thank you for posting!

Well, you’ve since read a bit more of my stuff since the time you posted this, but I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself with it, since I quite enjoyed this review and the others I’ve had the good fortune to get from you this year. ^^

@Panoramic_Vacuum
Hey, thanks for sending this rec my way! Sometimes I just want to read a little something with the funny ronk man in it, and this delivered. I like your choice of POV character, and the xeno angle of of trying to understand these "weird" rules about how the world works when your trainer (your trusted partner and beloved friend who takes care of you and looks out for you) happens to omit the whole "yeah this isn't exactly 'legal'" thing, but also explaining legality to your partner pokemon is probably a whole other can of worms.

Honestly, I was more than a little surprised to see you drop an out-and-out review on things. It was a real pleasant treat to get back in the summer, and glad to hear that even if it wasn’t quite as central to the perspective, that it struck you as a convincing portrayal of ronk man.

Another commenter mentioned that it makes sense that it would be confusing that some fighting good, but other fighting bad? Although you might think a pattern would start to rear its head at some point, though it does seem like that's partially getting through to Grovyle. Enough to know maybeeee you shouldn't do this, and if you do *definitely* don't get caught.

Glad to hear that it came through there. Since from the perspective of a Pokémon who from their perspective is upholding their end of the bargain a trained Pokémon is supposed to have, being treated well, and isn’t doing anything that wouldn’t be fair game in the wild… I’d be confused and frightened as well when a bunch of humans with really strong and burny friends came and proverbially punched me in the mouth and took my closest friend away.

Except whoops, you tried to pickpocket the literal Champion of Hoenn and his psychic partner. I like the difference in reaction between Metagross and Steven, and not because of a language barrier either. I can definitely see Steven having a soft spot for pokemon (vs if a human had tried to pull the same theft, he might not be as forgiving.) You have to wonder though, if in like 3-5 years there's a headline for a Mega Sceptile trainer committing crimes, if Steven is aware he had aided and abetted the duo 😂

Fun little read, thanks so much for pointing it out to me.

Now I just need to get you to read some more of my stuff that has a bit less ronk man in it~

More seriously, thanks again for the review, it was and still is a blast to read over.

@IFBench
Hi! Here to finally finish our review exchange, with reviews for A Dragon Someday and A Flightless Dragon!

Honestly, those were some pretty solid picks, since they’re both pretty up there in terms of one-shots from the first batch that I like, for reasons I’m sure you gathered while reading.

These were both very lovely little ficlets! I adore how much personality you give the Pokemon here, and how you have them perceive human concepts! It's all very cool!

And I’m glad to hear that. While there’s a decently-sized space for “Pokémon that track after humans in mindset” in this fandom, for this series, I wanted to crank up the Xenofiction angle a bit harder. Sounds like I succeeded.

My personal favorite of the two was A Dragon Someday. Between the PMD reference, the inclusion of Steven Stone, the little mega stone mix-up, and the vivid flashback section, it was a really fun read! Was giggling with glee the entire time I read it!

Yeah, I figured that you’d like it. Even if I’m a little curious as to what point in the one-shot everything clicked together for you. :V

Of course, A Flightless Dragon was no slouch either! I love the mundane beginning quickly transitioning to a hospital visit, and then the joy of the Bagon as they get to (sorta) fly at last! I legitimately teared up a bit at the end!

Thank you for writing both of these lovely little stories!

And thanks for the review. Even if it was a bit of a wait, I’m quite happy with how things turned out, and glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself with this review exchange. ^^

Thanks again for the reviews, everybody. They put more than a few smiles on my face looking over them again, and I’ll be looking forward to chances to repay things in kind in what’ll hopefully be the not-too-distant future.
 
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Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
A Dragon's Lineage
And I'm back! I thought about reviewing this for One Shot week, but I like heat bonus too much to wait! :mewlulz:

As such, this review does not count towards our exchange, but if you want to give me a bonus review on one of my smaller chapters later in return, I won't mind!



For a Pokémon, dwelling among humans comes full of quirks and oddities., and It’s rife with occasions you’d never encounter while living in the wild.
📝

The humans have their orbs with simulated habitats that carry Pokémon both great and small in them.
That's a nifty way to describe what's in a Pokeball! Is that canon lore or did you come up with it?

They bring in a variety of contraptions that they use to carry themselves around or keep their dens lit and warm regardless of the time of day or the season—including the one you’re in now. And of course, they have access to medicines and machines that allow Pokémon to recover from wounds that would be mortal in the wild.
It's like a Pokemon describing humans to another Pokemon! Not a perspective I see often in fics but is interesting when done well.

But the human oddity that holds your attention most right now is a cylinder sitting on the tiled floor of the hallway of the human den you’re in. The cylinder looks much like a light-creating contraption humans call a “lantern”, but this one has a purple and yellow egg resting inside of it behind a layer of clear glass. If you hold your head in front of it right, you can even see your reflection in it.
Oh! It's an egg incubator! I wonder what Pokemon will hatch? :eyes:

Your white and blue scales along your serpentine body, the blue orb on your neck, and the pair of wings on the sides of your head.
Oh! It's a Dragonair!

“Are you sure this will work out?”

The hissing voice that reaches your ears and prompt you to give a quick turn of your head to your left, reveals an Arbok staring worriedly down at you, giving an unconscious waggle of her tail back and forth. Your mate... and your partner, as the two of you are both trained under the same human.
Oh! I looked it up to check, but Arbok and Dragonair can indeed mate with each other! Her tail meaning Arbok is the mother and the egg will be an Ekans.

She glimpses briefly at the egg in the contraption—an “incubator”, you’ve heard it called—and flicks her tongue briefly before looking away from you with a low sigh.

“My kind doesn’t normally rear children for long,” she says. “No longer than it takes for them to slither off into the grass,” she continues, turning aside with a hint of hesitation. “I’m… not sure what I’d be able to offer our child when I don’t know the first thing about watching over one.”
Aww Arbok is worried. Time for Dragonair to step up and reassure her!

You flatten out your head-wings and suck in a sharp breath. If you were still back in the wilds, you would never hear the end of this from your peers. They’d have no shortage of words to say about how you chose a mate who by nature wasn’t used to staying and nurturing her child.
With how long dragons take to raise, this is a very good point. They start so weak and take a lot of care.

About how you sired a child who would never be able to fly alongside you; nor to fight as you could, for they would never wield your dragonfire. One who would draw mockery and laughter from dragonkind were he or she to claim the title of ‘dragon’.
Well then it begs the question: why? Was it for love? I hope it was! 🥹

You shake your head to try and dismiss those thoughts. Why were you dwelling on them anyways? You’d come to live with humans precisely because those other dragons didn’t lend you aid at a time of need in the wild. Because none showed up when you were swept onto sharp rocks by a rogue wave when you were still a Dratini, and were left with deep wounds from it. Wounds that kept you from moving about in the water properly and made you gravely ill after they grew infected. If you hadn’t been discovered on that beach by humans all those years ago, you likely never would’ve lived long enough to worry about a child at all.
A sensible train of thought. I wonder if it goes too far in the other direction? Sounds like the other dragons were completely apathetic to his suffering. But maybe the other dragons were not aware and Dratini(now Dragonair) unfairly holds it against them? I'm only seeing one side of it and I'm not getting the full picture, so it's hard to be sure.

She’d even given you a chance to return back to the wild after evolution wiped those wounds away… and you’d turned the chance down, because you’d made friends with the other Pokémon that traveled with the humans you came to know.
Wow, that's so heartwarming! 😭

Including the Arbok with whom you’d sired the egg in the incubator you’re staring at right now. Your whole life has been marked by taking chances and making choices that aren’t possible for you in nature. Why should that change now?

“We aren’t living like that,” you insist. “There’s room for us to try things differently.”

A crack sounds out, as a fissure runs down the length of the shell and violet scales nose at it from underneath. The Arbok sets her teeth on edge and looks around worriedly.

“Of all the times for Belinda not to be here,” she murmurs.

You’re a bit nervous yourself, and you find yourself sharing your mate’s wish that your trainer were present at the moment.
Aww it's endearing how much they are worried about their trainer not being there.

But she won’t be back to this den for a few hours still, and you’re pretty sure that in this case, you’ve learned enough from her in order to get by at the moment.

“It’s alright,” you insist. “I think that I can get the machine open.”

You nose at the plastic covering over the front of the incubator and after a few fumbling noses at it, it slides open—just in time for the egg to split and the form of a young Ekans to emerge with a few tired groans. This is your child who you’ve been waiting for all these weeks. It takes a while before you can spot the appropriate patch of scales that lets you know for certain, but this is her.
A fic that shows the birth of new life by Pokemon parents. It's quite touching. 🥰

You pause and your heart swells for a moment as you lower your snout at the young serpent. She abruptly coils up, and then shrinks back with a sharp rattle of her tail that makes you hesitate.

Are you scaring her? You hesitate and try to pin the wings on your head back to make yourself look smaller and less imposing.

“H-Hi there,” you stammer. “I… I know that I probably look different than what you’re expecting, but I’m your-”

You don’t get to finish your words before you hear a startled hiss. Before you know it, you feel is a heavy smack at your snout from a lunging tackle, followed by the stabbing pain of fangs sinking into it.
📝

Well. That's a bit awkward. Humans don't have to worry about their babies inflicting a poisonous bite on them! :copyka:

“Agh!”

You lurch backwards from the incubator and fight every bone in your body to not thrash about. A quick glance down your snout reveals your child dangling from your snout, her top fangs sinking into them past your scales. Your mate slithers over and hurriedly nuzzles at the Ekans, speaking in a soothing tone with a soft hiss.

“Easy! Easy, little one! There’s nothing to worry about! That’s your father!”
It makes sense, though. A baby probably wouldn't assume a mon of a different species was their father!

You wince a little as you feel a weight let go of your snout. Your child hits the floor and slithers behind the Arbok.

You bring the tip of your tail up to your wounded snout, and brush away a couple droplets of blood against your scales. It occurs to you that you’re still feeling healthy at the moment. Guess your mate’s reassurances that her kind starts their lives without poison weren’t just empty words. You turn back to your mate, and see your child craning her head out warily from behind her mother to look at you.
Can you imagine if the Ekans had poison and the bite killed her father? :copyka: Actually, no, I don't think I want to imagine that and thank you for not writing it that way!

A bite without poison is no where near as bad... even if it does sting. Regardless, Dragonair isn't about to turn his back on his baby girl from that!

“Da-a da?”

It will take some weeks before your child’s grasp of her voice’s rhythm and tone begins to allow her to speak coherently, and you’re not sure whether or not her letting go of you was a fluke or not. You see your mate nose at her to try and calm her down, as your eyes begin to drift towards the floor of the human den.

You start to get doubts again. Over whether this was a good idea. Over whether this will even work. Sure, Belinda will be there to help care for your child as your trainer, but with how different you and your mate are, will your child love you the way you want to love her back?
Poor Dragonair. He just wants his baby girl to love him. 🥺

“Dada.”

You feel scales brush up against yours, and look to see your child has come up to you and begin curling around your body. Or she’s trying to, at least. Your worries and fears ebb away then, as you resolve that whatever the future holds for your family, that you’ll work things out.

“Y-Yeah, th-that’s me. Dada. You- You kinda gave me a scare there.”

You nose at your child and she noses back at you. You don’t know whether or not she will ever be able to call herself ‘dragon’. Or whether she’ll ever be able to share any of your ways. But right then, right there, you are convinced that in all the ways that matter, that she is just like you.
Well that was freaking adorable.

Closing thoughts:
Snakes may be cold-blooded, but this fic was full of warmth. A great little feel-good peice. Would recommend to anyone looking for a mood boost!
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Premium
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
  6. omanyte
  7. hizzap
  8. malamar
Hey there! Was on the prowl for oneshots for Blitz and I saw these in the self-promo thread. Since I greatly enjoyed Hunting Game, I figured why not! I read the first five, and here are my thoughts.

Quote comments:

You can see them now as clear as day through three sets of eyes
This sentence seems to be missing a period.

They are the weak creatures dependent on hiding behind the strength of others.
red akai is that you??

Your have already felled your prey before they knew what hit them.
Typo?

“You should know better than to prey on Pokémon that trade life under the wild’s rhythms for those set by humans. Especially ones that have done you no wrong,” the ram bleats. “The gods do not smile on Pokémon that would harm them like this.”
I mean, I would have just yelled "FUCK OFF" but this also works I think.

Before you know it, you feel is a heavy smack at your snout from a lunging tackle, followed by the stabbing pain of fangs sinking into it.
This sentence seems like it got pretty scrambled.

But with your slow gait and your frail body, damp darkness was your ally.
(brain switches to annoying mode) you think the darkness is your ally...

---

General comments:

These are all really solid! They all work as bite-sized pieces by themselves, but I think reading several of them and seeing the continuities in the worldbuilding is also fun.

To address each of them separately:

A Guarding Dragon - This is cute. Also works well for me since I just had myself gifted Pokemon Shield this Christmas and I've just left Turffield. (Slow, I know.) Team Yell certainly seems like itself.

A Dragon’s Ferocity - This one's my favorite, although it's probably no surprise to anyone who's been around me for longer. I'm a big fan of proud predators being brought down a peg and needing to learn some humility (or sometimes refusing to regardless). I felt like it got kind of anime showdown-y towards the end, which can be a pro or con depending on the person. I think I'm leaning pro myself.

A Dragon's Lineage - This one was really cute, too. Could have gotten me to tear up had it been a bit longer, though that's not an actual critique on the length - I think it's as short or long as it needs to be.

A Dragon's Savior - First story to make me think of Alolan Exeggutor with respect award.

A Dragon Someday - This one I enjoyed a lot for its unique premise and dynamic, although the protagonist's arc's resolution seemed like it kind of got buried somewhere. I was expecting some kind of inner dialogue of realization or a promise to oneself to stay on the good path and that they can wait for their trainer instead of needing to bust them out. Unless there was no such alignment shift and I'm reading something into it that I expected to be there but isn't? You tell me.

That's it for my thoughts, then. Might return later in the week for more of these, but we'll see how things play out. See you around!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
  9. axew-irune
Heya, continuing my tour of review responses as part of Reply Blitz, which took me to one of my most dragon-y stories under my belt at the moment. So let’s just go ahead and dive right into that juicy feedback you all left behind:

@Tango
And I'm back! I thought about reviewing this for One Shot week, but I like heat bonus too much to wait! :mewlulz:

As such, this review does not count towards our exchange, but if you want to give me a bonus review on one of my smaller chapters later in return, I won't mind!

No shame in that, really. Since I wound up coming across a lot of fun stories while chasing after the head bonus myself.


I felt that the full set of suggestions made these two sentences into fragments, so I didn’t implement all of them. I did agree with the one about axing “while living”, though.

That's a nifty way to describe what's in a Pokeball! Is that canon lore or did you come up with it?

It’s based on a throwaway line by Lucian and by the developers. The specifics of the depiction that show up in some later one-shots in this series are all me until Game Freak feels like vindicating my depiction and making it official.

It's like a Pokemon describing humans to another Pokemon! Not a perspective I see often in fics but is interesting when done well.

That’s the idea, yes. Glad to hear that it landed well for you.

Oh! I looked it up to check, but Arbok and Dragonair can indeed mate with each other! Her tail meaning Arbok is the mother and the egg will be an Ekans.

correct-plankton.gif


Though I suppose that if you checked the title of the original drabble, that that was a pretty fast giveaway there.

With how long dragons take to raise, this is a very good point. They start so weak and take a lot of care.

Also, this is unironically how most snake species rear their young, so… yeah. Kind of a behavioral clash there.

Well then it begs the question: why? Was it for love? I hope it was! 🥹

It’s elaborated on later in the story, but TL/DR: yeah, it was for love.

A sensible train of thought. I wonder if it goes too far in the other direction? Sounds like the other dragons were completely apathetic to his suffering. But maybe the other dragons were not aware and Dratini(now Dragonair) unfairly holds it against them? I'm only seeing one side of it and I'm not getting the full picture, so it's hard to be sure.

It’s just the stock “whelp, can’t help you, good luck with that” that isn’t exactly rare for life in nature. Dragonair isn’t exactly a neutral narrator there, but one would hardly fault him for not being one.

A fic that shows the birth of new life by Pokemon parents. It's quite touching. 🥰

Oh, don’t worry, I have another one of those on this site.

📝

Well. That's a bit awkward. Humans don't have to worry about their babies inflicting a poisonous bite on them! :copyka:

This one was tweaked from some later feedback. Though fortunately for Dragonair, unlike actual venomous snakes, Ekans per ‘dex lore don’t have poison behind their bites when newly born.

It makes sense, though. A baby probably wouldn't assume a mon of a different species was their father!

Oh yeah, you also get to see this in another non-oneshot story I’ve got on this site.

Well that was freaking adorable.

Well, sounds like I did my job there, then. :V

Closing thoughts:
Snakes may be cold-blooded, but this fic was full of warmth. A great little feel-good peice. Would recommend to anyone looking for a mood boost!

And thanks again for the review! It was a lot of fun to read since this story tends to be one of the reader favorites from the collection. ^^

@canisaries
Hey there! Was on the prowl for oneshots for Blitz and I saw these in the self-promo thread. Since I greatly enjoyed Hunting Game, I figured why not! I read the first five, and here are my thoughts.

Well, I suppose that’s one way to tell that I hooked you with this series. :wowzard:

This sentence seems to be missing a period.

Fixed.

red akai is that you??

I wrote this before I started reading HH, but I can kinda see the parallels now that you mention it. :copyka:


Yeah, this is also fixed.

I mean, I would have just yelled "FUCK OFF" but this also works I think.

Oh, don’t worry. The sheep gets into the much more physical and painful equivalent of yelling “FUCK OFF” not long afterwards.

This sentence seems like it got pretty scrambled.

I went and retooled this sentence. Hopefully what’s there reads better now.

General comments:

These are all really solid! They all work as bite-sized pieces by themselves, but I think reading several of them and seeing the continuities in the worldbuilding is also fun.

Glad to hear, since while these one-shots all share a setting along with most of my other trainerverse writings, an important goal that I had going into things was for the one-shots to be readable in any order by people jumping into the anthology. Sounds like things held up decently there.

To address each of them separately:

A Guarding Dragon - This is cute. Also works well for me since I just had myself gifted Pokemon Shield this Christmas and I've just left Turffield. (Slow, I know.) Team Yell certainly seems like itself.

Which is reassuring to hear since the games admittedly didn’t give that much to work with for Team Yell in terms of how they are. ^^;

A Dragon’s Ferocity - This one's my favorite, although it's probably no surprise to anyone who's been around me for longer. I'm a big fan of proud predators being brought down a peg and needing to learn some humility (or sometimes refusing to regardless). I felt like it got kind of anime showdown-y towards the end, which can be a pro or con depending on the person. I think I'm leaning pro myself.

Hydreigon: “Can’t we have a story where we have the anime showdown vibes go my way? It’s the way things are supposed to be!” >_>; >_>; >_>;

A Dragon's Lineage - This one was really cute, too. Could have gotten me to tear up had it been a bit longer, though that's not an actual critique on the length - I think it's as short or long as it needs to be.

Hm, a little unfortunate that I was close but no cigar to hitting that extra level of touching. But at the same time, the story as is is very “complete” as a scenario, so I’ll be satisfied with the cute little package that’s there at the moment.

A Dragon's Savior - First story to make me think of Alolan Exeggutor with respect award.

Yeah, I’ll admit that when I first got the ‘Exeggutor’ prompt that was one of the two that went into making this oneshot, I had no clue where to even start with it. I think that in the end, what I went with was decently satisfying to write, and it allowed me to do a deep dive into an otherwise “oh yeah, that exists” corner of Pokéworld.

A Dragon Someday - This one I enjoyed a lot for its unique premise and dynamic, although the protagonist's arc's resolution seemed like it kind of got buried somewhere. I was expecting some kind of inner dialogue of realization or a promise to oneself to stay on the good path and that they can wait for their trainer instead of needing to bust them out. Unless there was no such alignment shift and I'm reading something into it that I expected to be there but isn't? You tell me.

I mean, Grovyle hasn’t exactly changed his goals of getting his trainer out of lockup, even if he’s likely going to take a while to think long and hard about how he wants to do that after this story, since he’s now sitting on great power, but not quite ready to wield it.

It’s admittedly been a couple years and I didn’t thoroughly document my original thought process, but I think that I was going for something a bit more open ended for this one that would be up to reader interpretation.

That's it for my thoughts, then. Might return later in the week for more of these, but we'll see how things play out. See you around!

Well, it didn’t quite pan out this Review Blitz, but once again, I’m grateful for the feedback that you did provide, since it was a lot of fun to read. If and when you ever come back for more, I’ll be looking forward to seeing what you have to say about it then. ^^

And that’s all for now. While this title has been on my list of ones that I’d like to revisit with a fresh bump of material at some point in the future, it probably won’t be happening this calendar year since my dragon-y story energy is admittedly being spoken for by the tale of a suddenly flight-challenged Salamence, and an additional project that's a bit closer to Like a Dragon in style which is due to kick off in the coming months.

Though thanks in advance to anyone who checks out this anthology this year, since it’s always fun to come back to this anthology and see what others have to say about the stories in it.
 

Tango

Mascot of the Doduo Alliance
Location
beyond the Nexus
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. doduo
Author's Note: Special thanks to @Venia Silente , @Torchic W. Pip , and @CinderArts for beta reading this one-shot.



A Dragon’s Folklore
Sliding right on in here for another round of catnip! And a special one at that. My previous experiences reviewing in here for you was a treat and I'm glad to have a reason to pick it up again. :okgon:

Looking forward to whatever is in store here. Per the title, it seems like this is going to involve a rich history of such. A theme you seem to be right at home with.



Winter’s come early again this year. Just barely a month ago, the trees still had their autumn leaves and now the snow is already blanketing the ground in the world outside.
You packed a lot into this opening 2 lines. The start is such an important narrative real estate, and you've built something appropriate to match.

Wonderful way to set up an atmosphere. I'm instantly imagining a region in some tall mountains or at least in a region far from the equator. You've also established this is a place where winter arriving early is no strange event in these lands.

Interestingly, this bit reads like spoken dialogue, yet without tags. It's almost like a recording or a diary of sorts. Perhaps a letter written to a friend in a far away land? :eyes:

Were you still living in the wilds, this would be a time of when you’d retreat to your den., Pulling your wings in, and you'd tuck your ruddy head up against your tail to enter brumation, huddled up with your young or, if you had none at the time, with a good dozen of your peers.
📝My goodness this is one beast of a sentence! Offering some suggestions above to help improve flow with the biggest suggestion converting that 2nd comma to a period.

But we get a lot of additional information here. This narrator used to live in the wilds and had a den. Considering the context, it must be that of a dragon mon. Young implies this particular dragon is female. With peers suggests a communal lifestyle emphasizing connection and shared warmth. The simplicity and sense of belonging as a Pokemon in this context successfully translates as desirable to the narrator.

But the way this is framed reveals that this dragon does not live in the wilds anymore and does not have young or peers to huddle with. The question is: what replaced that here and how does our dragon feel about that? Furthermore, what caused it to be replaced? I suspect this dragon was caught by a trainer.

A quite literal ‘Druddigon cuddlepile’ in as some younger humans might say.
Ok, this line instantly made me smile. Makes me think of a half dozen dogs waiting in your bed so they can cuddle with you to sleep. Man that makes me want a pet right now...

But considering the line about humans, it shows this Druddigon has been around humans enough to pick up on things they might say. This reinforces the idea of her being a captured mon.

“Ha ha! I’ve got you this time!”
Sounds like something a playful human might say, but I can't tell yet.

But dwelling among humans allows a Pokémon to live in ways that aren’t dictated by nature’s cycles—much as the warmth of the fireplace you’re basking yourself by reminds you.
Oh, nice! So this Druddigon is almost certainly caught, but being in the home and near the fireplace conveys her human cares for her. It may be different from how she grew up, but this instantly tells us that this human is good to her. And basking shows us that she enjoys it, much like a cat sunbathing near a window in the afternoon.

That's one thing I've come to enjoy about your writing. There is a sense of community, tradition, and belonging. Things feel meaningful.

I also now think her owner is the source of the dialogue in the previous section.

You lift your head and peer into the darkness deeper in your trainer’s living room. With your piercing yellow eyes, and you spot a pair of young Druddigon, spitting images of yourself, romping and chasing each other around the couch.
📝Ah, another wordy sentence. Looks like it could benefit from a split.

Trainer. Theory confirmed! And considering how the young are described, it seems our Druddigon DOES have young! I bet she curls up with them to sleep every night. 🥰 Though she may remember what it was like to live in the wilds, I get the impression our Druddigon is quite content here.

Even with the snow and winter chill kept safely at bay by the windows and walls of this human den, your children manage to surprise you at times with just how energetic they are.
Hah! I knew it! :veelove:

Energetic children is surely a good sign. The opposite of that would suggest problems.

Especially now when the streetlights outside are lit up and the moon and stars are visible in the sky.

“Children… it’s getting late, keep it down,” you mutter tiredly. “Your trainers are trying to sleep right now.”
Trainer(s)! Does she live with a family of trainers? Perhaps one of the parents caught her and they have children that her young were given to raise?

As were you, for that matter. But your children seem to have other plans in mind, and look at you from the couch with whines of protest.

“Aww, but mom!
Not everyone knows what it's like to raise kids, but many remember what it's like to grow up with siblings and to be sent to bed when all they wanted to do was keep playing.

I even read this in a voice of a small child. Not intentionally, it just happened as a natural extension of reading the story.

The little one dragging his feet is your Second of Two., and If you were living back in the wilds, that would be his name among peers of your kind, at least, until he accomplishinged his first memorable feat. worth being remembered for.
📝This was a bit lengthy again. Broke it up and trimmed words. I've taken to using oversized commas and periods to make it easier for you to see.

And interesting tidbit about how dragons are named. There are usually many of them, so they don't start with proper names until they earn one. People couldn't love that way even if they tried. Birth certificates, databases, social security numbers... An earned name is only something you might see in a tribalistic setting or in stories like this from a unique perspective.

I'm seeing why a common bit of advice from you is to get in characters heads. You do it often and well in your stories. Something I hope to do better with my Book Two, coming up.

Like me, you seem to have an unfortunate habit of using many words and long sentences. I think I've been training myself out of it. I still have a long way to go, but I'm happy to point out suggestions where I can for you and hope you find them helpful!

He is ‘Rudd’ to the humans you live with, and your First of Two is ‘Rufus’ to them. You’re not sure what the story behind how the humans chose those names for them was, but that’s not on your mind at the moment.
Story as in singular? Both her children were named at the same time? I'm wondering if they were Christmas gifts given by the parents to their kid trainers. That would be one explanation for why they were simultaneously named. I guess druddigon doesn't see humans nickname Pokemon often. Otherwise she would likely know that humans usually don't give out names based on merit and do so more on spontaneous internal thoughts and feelings.

“Enough. Both of you, come and rest-”

You get up and throw a set of claws out to tug your younger child over, and abruptly recoil after noticing his scales feel cold to the touch. A flash of alarm crosses your eyes, before you scowl down with a scolding growl.

“Ack, your scales are freezing right now! How are you two not bothered by this?!” you hiss.
Aww... She is concerned for them. 🥰

You know... I've come to realize that reviewing oneshots have appeal. Each one is unique and self contained. It allows for high levels of speculation with immediate payoff in a way that longfics usually don't do. Oneshots are like the movies and longfics are like shows. Movies may be short, but they CAN be highly enjoyable! You've made me into a oneshot believer, Fobbie! :eyes:

I still consider longfics to be my bread and butter, though. Yeah, I suppose this isn't strictly related to the review, but when I go off on these little tangents, it isn't in place of more content for you. It's in addition to it.

“Come by the fire and warm up right now! It’s not good for young dragons like you to be this cold!”
A regular mother would be concerned about her kids being cold, but for a dragon, it's an even larger concern, typing being what it is... :eyes:

“Aren’t there those ‘vent’ thingies by the walls we can just lay on?” your elder child asks, giving a sheepish grin.
Wow, this reminds me of my grandmother's old house. Had floor vents. The homes I grew up in had ceiling vents. I think as kids, we spend a lot of time on the floor. But just by mentioning a thing as simple as vents, your story reminds me of old nostalgic times.

You decide to Putting your foot down, you and slip behind your children, nudging them forward with a sharp harrumph. as they squirm and flail briefly. and You sigh to yourself, since of course they’d put up a fuss.
📝

She knows them well! :mewlulz:

“Nonsense, you’ll stay warmer huddled up with me,” you insist. “Why, back when I lived in the wilds, I’d do it myself every winter with the other Druddigon that I lived around.”
Ok, that is just adorable. 🥰

The pair stop struggling against you for a moment, before they turn and stare up with puzzled frowns.

“In that tower north of town that you and Duke talk about?” your elder child asks. “Why on earth would Druddigon want to live there?
Ah... and now we see the repercussions of raising young in captivity! 😅

They have no clue of the old ways. I sense a story time incoming!! :wowzard:

You really love an excuse to launch into story time. But on each occasion, I'm fully looking forward to it! :mewlulz:

“Yeah, there’s no fireplaces in there to stay warm with!” your younger child insists before trailing off to himself.

“Are there?”
Kids these days... *shakes head*

:mewlulz:

Well, it is common practice to occasionally break brumation to warm the ground with a gout of dragonfire and stave off the cold.
Oh NO! Don't give them any ideas! Not in the house!! :copyka:

But you learned long ago that such practices don’t mix well with the flooring of human dens, especially ones made from fuzzy ‘carpet’ like the one underfoot, so you opt not to give your children ideas.
Dodged the bullet on that one! 😂

“No, but there’s a lot of Pokémon like you and me who live in and around there, and others that are friends to them much like how your trainers’ teammates are to you,” you explain. “It’s a very, very special place that many other dragons elsewhere in Unova would be jealous of the Druddigon for being able to live there.”
Ooo! I sense these kids wanting to go exploring or taking a trip there now? Field trip time?? Yeah?? :veelove:

Your Second of Two bats his wings tilts his head with a puzzled frown in reply.

“Huh? How come?” he asks. “I know you’ve said it’s a special place… but why would that make the Pokémon there friends with one another?”

“Yeah, and why would anyone be jealous of living there?” his brother chimes in.
Oof!

Alright, mother. Lets see you enrapture them in lore! :eyes:

… Maybe this was just the break you needed to wrangle them over by the fire. And the tale which answers your children’s question is one that you and the other Druddigon from your old home always took pride in.

“Well, it’d be a bit hard to tell you the story while you’re running and jumping around,” you chuckle. “Stay with me by the fireplace and I’ll tell it to you. Sound fair?”
A compelling reason to have them huddle and now she gets to tell them a bedtime story! I'm surprised she didn't call it as such.

The two dragonlets murmur in agreement and follow you back to the fire’s side. You settle in against the warmed carpet, and so do they, scooting up against your hide. They stretch their wings and shift to try and steal the heat from the fireplace, already starting to grow comfortable. If you can just keep them here for a couple minutes, they’ll surely be too content to want to give this warmth up to go back to playing elsewhere in the house.
Aww. She is trying to get them to settle down with it in a way that helps warm them up. 🥰

I love how you used the fact of their wings as a way to warm them up faster. Spreading wings out is more effective than holding hands out towards it. Still, I expect it would get a bit too hot too fast, so I'd imagine they would extend their wings a bit and then retract them for a bit. Eventually settling in to have them retracted. I'm curious if that it something you will show.

I also like how you've used the narrative to build up to the story. You are letting the readers know a story is coming and that it will likely be of a decent length. This helps the readers lean into the story instead of wondering when the plot resumes. It sells the notion that this story IS the meat of the plot, especially considering the title of the work. :okgon:

And so, you look down as your First of Two paws at you, and he turns his snout up with a curious blink.
I love how you use all these actions to convey closeness. Closeness and warmth on multiple levels seem to be major underlying themes in this plot.

“So, how did Druddigon like us wind up living in that tower, then?”

There… are a number of versions of that story that go about, both among from humans and Pokémon alike.
📝

After all, it’s not just Druddigon who came to Dragonspiral Tower. Though you decide to focus on just their story for tonight. It alone is already a bit of a saga, and it should be just long enough to hold your children’s attention until they start to nod off.
I love how this doubles as meta commentary. She considers the story long but not too long and it communicates the same to the readers without breaking immersion. :okgon:

Also, it’s always been a matter of pride for you as a story of your and your children’s kind.
📝her children have already been established as her kind. Placing two 'your' next to each other makes for some awkward wording. Cutting seems to fix both issues and trim down words.

That said, I still appreciate the tone you are going for here. You are trying to convey extra closeness and family and that IS one of my favorite aspects of this oneshot so far. Seems to a theme you enjoy, and it really shows in your writing.

The story of how they of all the dragons of Unova won the trust of the Dragons of Deep Black and Vast White.
Oh this is interesting! I'm now considering this story as canon to Fixed Paths! :eyes:

“Well… long, long ago, there were gods that lived among humans and Pokémon in this land. Dragons, like you and me, one of Deep Black and another of Vast White,” you begin.
That she is describing it to kids helps ensure clarity of the tale. This isn't going to be something that dances around confusingly forcing readers to grope about in the dark for the meaning of it. It's a premise that works well with this being a oneshot.

“And in those times, the tower to the north was built as a sanctuary for them by humans alongside Golett and Golurk companions. A place where the dragons could be worshiped and showered with tributes of food and treasure.”

“Wait,” your younger child cuts in. “But I thought the tower was built for a god.”

You catch yourself briefly at his words, since the story of how Dragonspiral Tower came to be the roost of one god is an unhappy tale of ruin by fire and lightning.
Love the reference to Fixed Paths, here. Intentional or not. :veelove: Its also a way to generate interest. A reader inquires about it? Well they are in luck! It just SO HAPPENS that you DO have a fic that explores it! :mewlulz:

One that you’re not sure that your children need to hear at their young age.

“It’s… complicated to explain, and a story best saved for another day since it happened well after the first Druddigon moved in,” you insist. “But the point is, that at the time, the tower was built for two dragons who shared it as a den, much like we share this one together.”

“But wouldn’t those dragons there already have plenty of friends already?” your First of Two asks. “You just said there were a bunch of humans and Golett, right?”
I like how you use questions from the kids. A great way to lampshade in the least overt way possible, especially with how central her young are to the plot.

“Yeah, and dad says that dragons like him normally like having places that they don’t have to share for dens,” your younger child adds. “Wouldn’t it already be a bit crowded even before the Druddigon came?”

You sigh to yourself as your children’s energy proves slower to wane than you’d thought. Perhaps if your mate were here, this would be an easier task. But he’s with his own human and far away at the moment, so this is a story that you must tell alone. You opt to brush your children’s questions aside and open your mouth to keep your tale going.
Hmm! I'm imagining a human family. A man who is away who is the trainer of our Druddigon's mate. A woman who is the trainer of our Druddigon and likely living in the home with them who is sleeping in another room. The humans have two kids. Each kid is the trainer of one of our Druddigon's young.

I'm glad she is still in contact with her mate and that she likely see's him often!

“Well… yes, but the gods’ den was so big that even for two dragons, it was a bit lonely. And even though they already had many friends, none of them thought quite like them,” you explain. “The dragons wanted friends who would know what it was like to bask in the sun, of the thrill of a successful hunt, of the joy of finding a precious treasure and proudly showing it to others. And so it was that the gods asked the humans who worshiped them to find them additional friends to help watch over their shrine—ones who would be dragons like them.”

You pause briefly, expecting your children to pepper you with further questions, only to see that they’re now staring at you in rapt attention. You quietly sigh in relief that you won’t have to explain more just yet and continue telling your tale.
Mission successful. Audience = captivated! :mewlulz:

I like how it starts from a place of loneliness and grows to bring others. Reminds me a bit of Fixed Paths when the town of the south was first created. And yes I WILL reference your other works from time to time! :cool:

“Those humans went through all of Unova searching for dragons to be friends and helpers for the gods. Ones who would stand guard over the tower’s grounds and accept the treasures brought to them by visitors,” you tell your children. “The first ones they brought forth were Haxorus and their kin. Mighty dragons that stood tall and proud, and felled their foes with mighty chops of their tusks… and as dragons who didn’t eat much meat while they were young, they struck the ancients as ideal companions for the gods.”
I love how even if one is unfamiliar with a Hoxorus, you've described it in a way that conveys all the important information without going overboard on details. :okgon:

You trail off a bit for dramatic effect, and give an affected, disappointed shake of your head. Much as your own mother did when she recounted this tale to you so many moons ago.

“Unfortunately, the Haxorus were a bit too open to fight, both with the Pokémon already there at the tower and with each other. And so it was that day and night, they kept quarreling over who would be highest among themselves as guardians,” you say. “Their fighting and battlecries went on and on to the point where the gods themselves couldn’t sleep. Such were things until one day, after one fight too many, the gods bellowed their displeasure and chased the Haxorus away from the tower with fire and lightning nipping at their tails.”
:mewlulz: That sounds like quite the ordeal.

But looking at this from another angle, it's really quite fascinating! :eyes: Considering how long ago Fixed Paths happened, some of the information we are getting here is actually a prequel to it! :wowzard: It's amazing just HOW WELL these Druddigon remember and pass down ancient history! I mean, Sigs pass direct memories down, but THESE? They culturally pass it down like it's a sacred religious text or something! Otherwise how could it be so well preserved?? I suppose it could be flawed information at this point, but I'd like to think it's intact since it's more authentic and interesting that way.

Your children jostle against you and turn their heads up, pawing at you with worried grimaces.

“W-Wait, but dad’s a Haxorus and he’s not like that,” your elder child insists. “... Is he?”

“I-Is this god still mad at him?” your other child asks.
Oh! This is a neat tidbit! Makes for a great segway to reveal more about their family. :eyes:

You flinch briefly and bite your tongue. That wasn’t at all what you wanted your children to take away from that part of the story! You sit up from your resting position entirely, waving your claws vigorously in protest as you speak back to them.

“No! No! Not at all! It’s just that of the dragons that were brought before the gods, those Haxorus didn’t understand the importance of the duties they were entrusted with. And because of it, they left a bad first impression as a result,” you reassure them. “The gods that roost there didn’t hold a grudge against all Haxorus because of it. It’d have been awful for most dragons in this land if they did, especially for the Hydreigon and their kin who took their place afterwards.”
Kids are impressionable. Makes sense they might take something small and apply it wide. Nice to see her jumping in to correct them.

Your children jolt up with a start themselves and also sit up, pulling their wings in and staring nervously at you.

“... Wait, Hydreigon?” your Second of Two asks. “B-But why on earth would the gods want Pokémon so scary watching over their den?”

“Well, being scary’s not a bad thing all the time. After all, plenty of Pokémon would call you or me scary, and a scary guard can chase away others that mean harm to the places they have to protect more easily,” you explain. “That said, part of being a guard for someone else is that you need to be kindly to their guests, which the Hydreigon and their kin… weren’t.”

You look at your claws, and decide that while you’re still seated… perhaps a bit of acting to stir your children’s imagination is in order. You hold your arms out and curl your claws in almost like mouths, spreading your wings to mimic the appearances of a Hydreigon in flight.
I imagine their mother feels a bit awkward for this act but am amused how she is still fully committed anyway! :mewlulz:

“When the Hydreigon came, they too fought amongst each other, and stripped much of the surrounding forests bare to feed themselves,” you say, flashing your fangs for ominous effect. “And as the new guardians of the gods’ den, they took every opportunity they could to lord over those that lived in and around their tower. To the point where humans and Pokémon stopped visiting the gods entirely because they were too afraid of their guards and how they’d be treated.”
Goodness! The swapped the original guards for ones even worse! :copyka:

I like how you've added this detail in. It would have been too simple if it went straight to Druddigon after the Haxorus.

Your children are scooting in towards each other and holding onto each other now, visibly shivering and wide-eyed. You decide that’s as good a sign as any to reel things in and bring your arms and wings at rest. After all, this is supposed to be a happy story, not a frightening one.
My goodness. Poor little things! :unquag:

Here they are as DRAGON Pokemon, but as with many dragons, they start weak, vulnerable, and easily frightened. Only with great care and time will they become formidable. Granted, they don't have to evolve, so I'm sure that makes progression a bit easier for them than most dragons...

“After seeing their visitors dwindle along with their gifts of treasure, the gods’ patience wore out. Once again, they bellowed their displeasure and chased the Hydreigon away from the tower, with fire and lightning nipping at their tails.”

That seems to do the trick as your children calm down and settle in against the carpet again, as your First of Two blinks at you with a curious quirk of his brow.

“How many other dragons were brought to the tower anyways?”

“All the ones that could be found from Unova,” you answer. “All of whom caused their own troubles when they were brought over.”
Oh wow! So finding the right guardians was very difficult! I suppose most dragons are rather obstinate and temperamental. :eyes:

There was quite a list of other dragons that failed to secure the gods’ favor in your tale, and moving your wings and limbs, you try to mimic the forms of each one as you mention them.

“The Flygon would keep digging up the sacred stones set up about the tower, while the Altaria would sing and trill at inappropriate times.
Oh my goodness! The Alteria are big dragon roosters! :wowzard:Roosters that crow MORE than just at the crack of dawn! :unquag:

The Dragonite couldn’t be coaxed to come out of the moat every other day, while the Salamence would spend more time flying about than standing guard and burned their surroundings when angered,” you finish, with your wings held flat and wide as you trail off and sit back down on the carpet.
Sounds like trying to herd a bunch of cats! :mewlulz:

“But in the end, it was not those annoyances that were those dragons’ undoing,” you tell your children. “Instead, there were always two things that each and every one of them did that ultimately wore the gods’ patience thin…”

“They kept fighting with each other and the Pokémon and humans who were already there?”

You turn your head down and look at your children, with your elder child finishing your words with a quiet yawn before you can finish. You settle back down on the carpet and give a small smile, content that thus far, your scheme has been bearing fruit.
I love how their signs of sleepiness help signal plot progression. :mewlulz:

“That’s right, and like every group of dragons before them, the gods would chase the latest newcomers away with fire and lightning,” you reply, nodding. “And so it was that the late fall came, and in the weeks just before the first snowflakes started falling from the sky, the first Druddigon arrived in the forests surrounding the tower.”
Oh! A migration! This suggests that all the previous dragons were cycled through in less than a year! :eyes: That's some HIGH turn over! :unquag:

“Wait, but why would things turn out differently for them?” your Second of Two asks. “Since if all those other dragons made the gods upset… what made them so special?”

“Well, part of it is that the Druddigon came there for different reasons,” you explain, casting a glance out at the snowy world outside through the living room window.

“... Unlike the other dragons, the Druddigon had lost their home in the mountains earlier that year and spent all of the warm months searching for another outside of it,” you tell them. “During their wanderings, they heard stories of a tower that would be given away as a den for dragons, so long as they impressed the gods and their guardians that dwelt within it.”
Oooh! Nice! Good way to distinguish them from the rest. :okgon: They needed to be on their best behavior.

“But how did they do that?” the dragonlet presses you.

“By working together!” you chuckle back. “After hearing of the earlier dragons’ squabbles, the Druddigon’s elder dragons gathered their ranks together and declared that if they would merely work together, that the den would be there for them all.”
It was a place of hope. Somewhere they could huddle together for warmth. But they would have to set aside typical dragon ways and culturally adapt. :eyes:

Well, things were undoubtedly more complicated than that, but you’ve always been fondest of the simpler version of the story that your mother and the other Druddigon you lived around told most frequently. And thus, you stick to it and continue telling it.

“And so they bravely marched forth, young and old, weak and strong, meeting the gods’ guardians in battle and fighting them to a draw,” you say, smiling back. “And with force of will and dragons’ might, their strength and teamwork so impressed the Dragons of Deep Black and Vast White that the gods at once offered the Druddigon the honor of guarding their shrine.”
Interesting how their hiring process STILL considered strength first even AFTER all the other mishaps! :unquag:

Your children’s eyes are excited now as they murmur to each other about how exciting it must have been to impress such strong Pokémon when even the likes of mighty Haxorus and Hydreigon couldn’t. Their eyelids are starting to grow heavy, and content that your storytelling has done its work, you start to curl up towards the fire alongside them and give a content smile.

“And that is how Druddigon like us came to live in Dragonspiral Tower.”
You could almost end the fic right here, but it's interesting how there is still a bit left. Let's see where this goes! :eyes:

That seems as good a note as any to leave things on and give the last nudge needed to push your children off towards sleep. You start to reach out to pull them in towards you, when a quiet, disapproving voice speaks up from behind.

“... That’s not how I remember the story going, Neela. I grew up around Dragonspiral Tower myself, and I distinctly remember the tale of how the Druddigon came to live there being quite different.”
Neela! Our Druddigon is named Neela! Aww what a nice name! :veelove:

But, also! A challenger has arrived?! :wowzard:

Is it her mate returning?? :eyes:

You stiffen up after a yipping voice calls out the name your humans use for you and turn to see a Mienshao approaching with a small, quiet frown. That’s ‘Duke’ as your humans call him, which you suppose has rubbed off on you from force of habit. He was a partner to the the humans of this family before you, and the Pokémon who showed you the ropes when you just started being trained. He’s the closest thing there is to an elder among the Pokémon in this human den, and like an elder, he carries wisdom from both his life spent among humans and his time before that.
Ok, I had to look up what a Mienshao was. Good choice for this kind of character! :okgon:

It’s that second source of wisdom that has you a bit worried, as you speak up and hurriedly try to brush him off.

“Ah, yes. Well, it’s folklore,” you insist. “There’s usually slightly different versions of stories that go around depending on whoever tells it—”
And with this, it is confirmed that these tales were NOT perfectly preserved after all! Or perhaps a true version exists, but which one, I wonder? :eyes:

“Maybe so, but even that’s definitely not the most commonly-told version of the story I heard when living around Dragonspiral Tower,” the Mienshao retorts, folding his arms. “Especially the parts about how the Druddigon came into the tower. It’s not quite as simple a story as that.”

You grimace as your children are suddenly more awake now, and much to your chagrin, much as children tend to do, your younger child lets curiosity get the better of him and he glances up at the Mienshao.
I wonder how many other children Neela had before the two with her now? Really makes me wonder what happened to them all...

“Oh? What was different about those versions of the story you heard?”

Duke doesn’t frown, but even so, his expression remains firm as he squats to lower himself down to your children’s level.

“Well, the Druddigon’s purpose for coming to Dragonspiral Tower was a bit different in the versions of that story I usually heard. In the wilds, Druddigon don’t just hunt for food, but also for dens,” Duke explains. “And when they come across one that’s pleasing to them, sometimes they will try and drive its owner off to claim it for themselves.”

He shakes his head as you tighten your claws against the carpet and quietly cringe. If the version of the story Duke’s about to tell is the one that you think it is, it’s not one that paints your ancestors in a particularly flattering light.
Ah, but it also makes it seem like it might be closer to the truth! :eyes:

“That was also what brought them to Dragonspiral Tower. They had been wandering from the mountains, when in the late fall, they passed through the forests and moors around what is now Icirrus City. There, they came across the tower, not knowing that it was a shrine to the gods,” he says. “All they saw was that it was a pleasing den, but much too big for any of one of them to claim alone. And so their elders said: ‘let us join claws and hunt this den from those who dwell there to take for ourselves’.”

Your children are starting to waver now, as that sense of wonder you worked so hard to instill leaves their eyes and a doubtful unease takes its place.

“... Wait, but aren’t there Golett and Golurk at the tower still?” your elder child asks. “Doesn’t that mean that those Druddigon lost?

“Well, yes and no. Your mother is right about them fighting the defenders to a draw, and some of the tellers of the story I heard said they even gained the upper paw. And as such, were about to drive off those Golett and Golurk and take the tower for themselves,” the Mienshao says, before shaking his head.
I like the way you substituted hand for paw. Sometimes it's the little things. :okgon:

But, yeah! This version seems more believable.

“The problem was that they went off to claim Dragonspiral Tower on a day when the gods came back to roost,” the Fighting-type continues. “And when the gods found out about what these strangers had done to their companions, they were quite understandably upset.”

Your grumble under your breath about how Duke just had to step in and ruin your story right before the kids were about to sleep. Their wings are drooped now and their heads held low in disappointment, as your Second of Two uneasily raises his voice to ask:

“What… happened then?”
CLEARLY, 'Duke' doesn't have any kids of his own! 😅

“Well, the way I usually heard the story told, the gods grew enraged and bellowed their displeasure and swooped down at the Druddigon, throwing fire and lightning at their feet,” Duke replies. “It is said that the Druddigon grew sore afraid at the display of the Dragons’ might, to the point where some of them even fell ill out of fear in the gods’ presence—”

You’ve had enough. You don’t understand why Duke is doing this since as your mentor, it’s not like him to just embarrass you in front of others. You let out a sharp glare and growl your displeasure, turning away with a sour huff.

“Alright Duke, we don’t need to hear the rest,” you snap. “I just wanted to tell the kids a nice story before they went to sleep before you had to step in and ruin things.”
:mewlulz:

The Mienshao falls quiet for a moment, before he looks over with a small smile and a waves of a wispy-furred paw.

“Then wouldn’t it make sense for me to end the story before it’s over, now would it?” he asks. “After all, while the truth of any story doesn’t always show Pokémon like us at our best, in this one, of all the dragons that came before them, the gods did indeed choose those same Druddigon to help stand guard over their tower.

You blink and realize that Duke must be telling a different version of the story of how Dragonspiral Tower came to have Druddigon than you expected. Your own children blink in confusion as they look up at the Mienshao, and try to make sense of his reassurance.

“They… did?” your Second of Two asks. “But why?”
Ah, a twist! Let's see where this goes... :eyes:

“Yeah, the Druddigon in your story were mean to the Pokémon that were already there!” your First of Two protests. “And when the gods got mad at them, they got all scaredy afterwards. Why on earth would the gods want them after everything?”

“Well, I think you’re being a bit harsh on them. Since most Pokémon in their situation would be pretty scared, dragon or not,” the Mienshao insists. “But in spite of their fright, amidst the gods’ roars and their fire and lightning, the Druddigon did not yield or turn away or flee like the other dragons that came before them. Even while visibly quaking, they alone stood firm.”

You blink at the Mienshao’s answer, and your features ease a bit. He sees them himself, before he raises a paw and continues with his tale.
It seems we will be getting the version of the tale likely closest to the actual truth! :eyes:

“With embers and sparks dancing about them, the gods held back their power briefly as they grew curious about the Druddigon’s strange determination and demanded an answer from them: ‘Why did you come here and harm our guardians? Even if you had successfully defeated them, did you really think that you could best our might?’”

Duke trails off briefly, studying your reaction and your children’s. You glimpse out the corner of your eye and see what he does: that that curious spark has returned to their eyes. Even if they’re not as excited as they were for your version of the story, they don’t look disappointed anymore.
Hmm! There is hope for this 'Duke' yet! :quag:

“At the gods’ demand, one of the Druddigon at the front fell to his belly with a heartful plea: ‘Dragons of Deep Black and Vast White, have pity! We sought your tower for ourselves because our dens were hunted from us and we have none to shield ourselves from winter’s snow!’”
Huh. I wonder what hunted them? A pack of ice types, perhaps? :eyes:

You see your children stiffen up and glance out the window towards the snow through the window and wince at the sight. Being stuck in such weather without shelter all winter would be the end of many a dragon, and while this detail is also in the version of events you were worried Duke would bring up… somehow his version feels like it doesn’t make light of those Druddigon of bygone times.
Hmm! Perhaps a better overall outcome for the effect on the kids? :eyes:

“The other Druddigon joined in and with one voice desperately echoed their companion’s plea, explaining that if they were turned away, they would surely die. If not from the gods’ wrath, then from winter’s frost. The gods were moved by their plight and lingered for a moment, before one of them, their identity lost to time, spoke up.”

This time, Duke turns his eyes to yours, and runs a paw on your head crest, giving a small smile down at you as words that surprise you come from his mouth:

“‘Stand tall, brave and noble dragons. For you have shown unity and humility where all others before you did not, and did not yield and turn away from us even in the face of certain death.’”
Ahh! There we go! :mewlulz:

You blink at your mentor. You can’t tell if he’s just saying this to make you feel better or not. In tellings of this tale you’ve heard where the teller portrayed the Druddigon as acting craven, the gods didn’t say anything as gracious as that to them.

And yet, every word that he speaks feels natural and unrehearsed, like he’d heard it told many times himself. You yourself find yourself getting engrossed as he opens his mouth and carries on with his tale.
Ok, I really like the switch-up here. Now Neela is listening along too! :veelove:

“For a fleeting moment, the Druddigon were at a loss, when the other divine dragon spoke up in stern warning: ‘So long as you dwell in our domains, you shall never claim this land as its masters, but defend it on our behalf. You shall live amongst our other servants as equals. They shall be your allies and you shall be theirs,’” the Mienshao says. “And so the Druddigon lowered their heads and marched forward into their new den, taking their place among Dragonspiral Tower’s guardians.”

The Mienshao stoops down and pats at your children’s crests, before turning to you with a knowing smile.

“Considering how there’s Druddigon that live out there to this day, I’d say that they’ve done a pretty good job keeping up their end of the bargain,” he reassures. “Don’t you think, Neela?”
Seems unhelpful at first, but does the opposite in the long run. HMM! Now where have I seen that before...? 😏

You should probably be more annoyed by how Duke undercut your story earlier, but at the same time, even if it could’ve done without some of its less flattering details, his telling of the tale has its own charm. Like your own that you’ve passed on to your children, it’s a story of a lineage to be proud of: of courage and unity winning your ancestors an honor most Pokémon could only dream of.
I like how you added in some resistance here to Neela accepting the new version of the tale, even though she does ultimately accept it. Another area where you do well getting into characters heads. :okgon:

Your children are tired now and your First of Two is now pawing at his eyes, while your younger stretches out against the carpet, before looking up with a curious murmur.

“Wait, but Duke? There weren’t any Mienshao in that story at all,” he says. “Were they not there already when the Druddigon came?”

You stiffen up at your younger child’s question. Even as it is told among its Druddigon, the story of how Mienfoo and Mienshao came to be guardians of Dragonspiral Tower is one that doesn’t reflect your kind that well. It’s a tale of how for all their strength and valor, the tower’s dragons ultimately needed help making good on their duties during the chill of the wintry months. Duke sees your tension, with a chuckling shake of his head, he opts to spare you further embarrassment for tonight.

“That’s a story for another time, little one,” your mentor says. “You look tired, and it’s important for a young dragon like you to stay warm and rest on a cold night like this.”
Ok ok! Yeah, Duke isn't all bad after all. I still don't think he has kids, though. 😅

The Mienshao gets up and drifts off, for his own corner elsewhere in the house that he claims to doze off in at night.
📝He probably doesn't need to 'claim' the corner every night. I doubt the other mon in the house would take it from him, given his seniority. Also, it's already described that this is at night and mon are getting sleepy and going to bed, thus 'at night' is superfluous.

You settle in with your children, curling up together beside the fire as your Second of Two paws at your chest and looks into your eyes.
Again, great job with the actions. I think they are conveying exactly what you want. An endearing scene to make for a cozy end to the oneshot. :okgon:

“I liked your version of the story more, mom,” he tells you. “Though will we ever get to go to that tower ourselves?”

You look down, and nuzzle at your child as a knowing smile comes over your maw.

“We will, sweetie. When you and your brother are a bit older.”
Ok THIS is a pretty interesting concept! You COULD write a sequel to this oneshot that might work out pretty well! :eyes: Sounds like there would be a time-skip involved, but that would be neat because you could introduce the kids all over again and we could see how they changed! You could also indicate any overall changes since the last foray into Neela's tale.

You curl up with your children beside the fire and begin to drift off. For a fleeting moment, you wonder to yourself… between your story and Duke’s, which of the two is closer to the truth? Duke’s version of the tale you knew has details that are the ones in yours, so does that mean that yours isn’t right?
📝Did you mean to say 'aren't' here?

But yeah, she wonders about the differences, much like many readers likely did.

You think back to Duke’s reassurance at the end and ultimately decide to leave things be. Whatever really happened, those Druddigon won the gods’ trust in the end.

You and your children carry the lineage of those brave and noble dragons, and it is one that you all can be proud of.


As satisfactory conclusion and one I agree with! :okgon:

If you DO write a sequel to this, perhaps the tower itself can contain clues to shed more light on the old story? Like perhaps they find secret rooms containing ancient murals or something? :eyes:

Original Drabble:
Alright, I'm not going to comment on everything in this original drabble, but I AM going to read it and give a recap of it at the end. :veelove:

FirebreathersHelioliskSerpentine
Scale and FangGyaradosOutrage
Dragon's DenProud LineageScraggy

Winter’s come early this year again. Just barely a month ago, the trees still had their autumn leaves and now the snow is already coming and blanketing the world outside. Were you still living in the wilds, this would be when you’d huddle up in your den and enter brumation. To pull your wings in and tuck your ruddy head up against your tail. Huddled up with your young, and considering the specific place you come from, likely huddled up with a good dozen of your peers.

“Ha ha! I’ve got you this time!”

But living among humans allows one to live in ways outside the workings of nature. As the warm fireplace you’re basking yourself next to reminds. You raise your head and peer out with your piercing yellow eyes as a pair of young Druddigon, spitting images of yourself, romp and chase each other around the couch of your trainer’s living room.

Even with the snow and winter chill kept safely at bay, your children surprise you at times with how much energy they have. Especially now when the streetlights outside are lit and the moon and stars in the sky.

“Kids… it’s getting late, keep it down,” you mutter tiredly. “Your trainers are trying to sleep right now.”

As were you, for that matter. But your children seem to have other things in mind. They look at you from the couch with whines of protest.

“Aww, but mom!”

He is your Second of Two, and were you living back in the wilds, that would be his name among your kind until he accomplished his first feat worth being remembered for. He is ‘Rudd’ to the humans you live with, and your First of Two ‘Rufus’. You’re not sure what the story behind how they chose them is, but that’s not on your mind at the moment.

“Enough. Both of you, come and rest-”

You throw a set of claws out to tugg at your younger child, only to recoil after they feel cold to the touch. A flash of alarm goes across your eyes, before you scowl down with a scolding growl.

“Ack, your scales feel freezing right now!” you hiss. “How are you two not bothered by this?! Come on by the fire and warm up right now! It’s not good for young dragons like you to be this cold.”

“Aren’t there those ‘vent’ thingies we can just lay on?” your elder child asks, giving a sheepish grin.

You decide to put your foot down and slip past your children, nudging them forward with a sharp harrumph. They squirm briefly and you sigh to yourself expecting them to put up a fuss.

“Nonsense, you’ll stay warmer huddled up with me,” you insist. “Why back when I lived in the wilds, I’d do that every winter with the other Druddigon that I lived around.”

The pair stop fighting back for a moment, before they turn and look up at you with puzzled frowns.

“In that tower north of the town that you and Duke talk about?” your elder child asks. “Why on earth would Druddigon want to live there?

“Yeah, there’s no fireplaces in there to stay warm with!” your younger child insists. “Are there?”

Well, it’d common practice to occasionally break brumation to warm the ground with a gout of dragonfire and stave off the cold that way. But such practices don’t mix well with the flooring of human dens, especially ones fashioned from this fuzzy ‘carpet’ underfoot, so you opt not to give your kids ideas just yet.

“No, but there’s a lot of Pokémon like you and me there, and others that are friends to them like your friends with your trainers,” you explain. “It’s a very, very special place that a lot of other dragons elsewhere in Unova would be jealous about coming from.”

Your Second of Two bats his wings tilts his head with a puzzled frown in reply.

“Huh? How come?” he asks. “I know you’ve said it’s a special place… but why would that make the Pokémon there friends with one another.”

… Maybe this was just the break you needed to wrangle them over. And the tale answering his question is one that you and the other Druddigon from your home always took pride in.

“Well, it’d be a bit hard to tell you the story running and jumping around, you chuckle. “Come with me by the hearth and I’ll tell it to you, sound fair?”

They murmur in agreement and follow you back to the fireside. You settle in against the warmed carpet, and so do they, scooting up against your hide. You see them stretch their wings and shift to try and steal the heat from the fireplace. If you can just keep them here a couple minutes, they’ll surely be too content to want to give it up.

And so, you look down as your First of Two paws at you, and turns his snout up with a curious blink.

“So, how did Druddigon like you wind up living in that tower?”

There… are a number of versions of that story that go about, among humans and Pokémon alike since it’s not just Druddigon who came to Dragonspiral Tower. Though you decide to focus just them, after all, it should be just long enough to hold them until they start to nod off.

And it’s always been a matter of pride for you, as a story of your and your children’s kind.

“Well, long, long ago, there were gods that lived among humans and Pokémon in this land. Gods who were dragons, like you and me,” you begin. “Back in those times, the tower was built as a sanctuary by humans who worshipped them, along with the help of Golett and Golurk who lived among them, all faithful friends and helpers who showered them with tributes of food and treasure.”

“Wait, but I thought the tower was built for a god,” your younger child cuts in.

You catch yourself, since the story behind how Dragonspiral Tower came to be the roost of one god is an unhappy tale involving ruin by fire and lightning. You’re… not sure that your children need to hear that story. Or at least not at their present age.

“It’s… complicated to explain, and a story for another day since it came sometime well after the first Druddigon moved in,” you insist. “But the point is that at the time it was built for two who shared it as a den, much like we share this one together.”

“But wouldn’t those dragons already have plenty of friends already?” your First of Two asks. “You just said there were a bunch of humans and Golett, weren’t they?”

“Yeah, and dad says that dragons like him normally like having places of their own for a den that they don’t have to share.”

You sigh to yourself as your children’s energy is slower to wane than you’d thought. Perhaps if your mate were here, this would be an easier task. But he’s with his own human and far away at the moment, so this is a matter that you must go alone, and keep your story going.

“Well… yes, but the gods’ den was so big that it was a bit lonely. And even with the friends the humans provided, they didn’t think like them,” you insist. “They wanted friends that would know what it was like to bask in the sun, of the thrill of finding a treasure and showing it to others. And so it was that the gods asked for the humans to find them additional friends who would be dragons like them.”

You linger briefly expecting your children to pepper you with more questions, only to see that they’re glancing at you in rapt attention. You quietly sigh in relief that you won’t have more to explain just yet and continue on with your tale.

“And so it was that the ancients that built the tower went all through Unova searching for dragons for them to be friends and helpers for them, to stand guard over the grounds and accept the treasures brought to them by visitors. They first brought forth Haxorus and their kin,” you say. “They stood tall and proud, and felled their foes with a mighty chop of their tusks… and as dragons who didn’t eat much meat while they were younger, struck the ancients as ideal companions.”

You trail off a bit for dramatic effect, and give an affected, disappointed shake of your head. Much as your own mother did when recounting this tale to you so many moons ago.

“Unfortunately they were a bit too open to fight, both with the Pokémon already there at the tower and with each other, and day and night, they kept quarreling over who would be highest among themselves as guardians,” you continue. “Things went on and on to the point where the gods themselves couldn’t sleep until one day, they bellowed their displeasure and chased the Haxorus away from the tower with fire and thunder nipping at their tails.”

Your children jostle against you and turn their heads up, pawing at you with worried grimaces.

“... Wait, but dad’s a Haxorus and he’s not like that,” your elder child insists. “... Is he?”

“And… is this god still mad at him then?” your younger asks.

You flinch briefly and bite your tongue. That wasn’t at all what you wanted your children to take from that part of the story! You sit up entirely, waving your claws vigorously in protest as you speak back to them.

“No! No! Not at all! It’s just that of the dragons that were brought before the gods, those Haxorus didn’t understand the importance of the duty they were entrusted with and all left a bad first impression as a result,” “The gods that roost there didn’t hold a grudge against all of them. It’d have been awful for most dragons in this land if they did, especially for the Hydreigon and their kin who took the Haxorus’ place afterwards.”

Your children jolt up with a start themselves and sit up, pulling their wings in and looking up nervously at you.

“... Wait, Hydreigon?” your Second of Two asks. “But why on earth would the gods want Pokémon so scary watching over their den?”

“Well, being scary’s not a bad thing all the time. After all, there’s plenty of Pokémon that would call you or me scary, and a scary guard can help chase away others that mean you harm,” you explain. “But part of being a guard for someone else is that you still need to be kindly to their guests, which the Hydreigon and their kin… weren’t.”

You look at your claws, and decide that while you’re still seated… perhaps a bit of acting to stir your children’s imagination is in order. You hold your arms out and curl your claws in almost like mouths, spreading your wings to mimic their appearances.

“When the Hydreigon came, they too fought amongst each other, and they stripped much of the surrounding forests bare to feed themselves. Worse still, many of them nursed grudges against the humans who summoned them from quarrels past,” you say, flashing your fangs for ominous effect. “And as the gods’ new guardians, they took every opportunity they could to lord over the nearby humans and their companions. To the point where others stopped visiting the gods because they were too afraid of their guards and how they’d treat them.”

You see your children scoot in towards each other and hold onto each other, visibly shivering and wide-eyed. That’s probably a sign to reel things in. After all, this is supposed to be a happy story, not a frightening one.

“After seeing their visitors dwindle along with their gifts of treasure, the gods once again bellowed their displeasure and chased the Hydreigon away from the tower with fire and thunder nipping at their tails.”

That seems to do the trick as your children calm down and settle in again, your First of Two blinking with a curious raise of his eye.

“How many other dragons were brought to the tower anyways?”

“All the ones that could be found from Unova,” you explain. “All of which caused their own troubles when brought over.”

You rise to your feet entirely. There was quite a list of other dragons that failed to secu moving your wings and limbs as you try to mimic the forms of each one.

“The Flygon would keep digging up the stones set up about the tower. The Altaria would sing and trill at inappropriate times. The Salamence would spend more time flying about than standing guard and burn their surroundings when angered,” you finish, with your wings held flat and wide. “But in the end, each and every one of them did two things that wore the gods’ patience thin…”

“They kept fighting with each other and the Pokémon and humans who were already there?”

You turn back and look at your children, with your elder finishing your words before you can finish with a quiet yawn. You settle back down in the carpet and give a small smile, content that thus far, your scheme has been bearing fruit.

“That’s right, and like every group of dragons before, the gods would chase them away with fire and lightning,” you reply, nodding. “And so it was that the late fall came, just before the first snowflakes fall from the sky, when the first Druddigon came.”

“Wait, but why would things turn out differently for them?” your Second of Two asks. “Since if all those other dragons made the gods upset… what made them so special?”

“Well, part of it is that they came for different reasons,” you explain, casting a glance out at the snowy world outside through the living room window.

“... Unlike the other dragons, the Druddigon had lost their home in the mountains earlier that year and searched for another outside of it during the warm months,” you tell them. “During their wanderings, they had heard stories of a tower that was to be given away as a den for dragons, so long as they impressed the gods and their guardians inside.”

“But how did they do that?” he presses.

“By working together!” you chuckle back. “After hearing of the earlier dragons’ squabbles, the Druddigon’s elder dragons gathered their ranks together and declared that if they would merely work together, that the den would be there for all.”

Well, things were undoubtedly more complicated than that, but you’ve always been fondest of the version of the story your mother and the other Druddigon you lived around told most frequently. And thus, you stick to it and continue on.

“And so they bravely marched forth, young and old, weak and strong, meeting the gods’ guardians in combat and fighting them to a draw,” you say, smiling back. “Their strength and teamwork so impressed the gods that they offered them the honor of guardianship at once.”

Your children’s eyes are excited now as they murmur to themselves about how exciting it must have been to impress such strong Pokémon when even the likes of mighty Haxorus and Hydreigon fell short. Their eyelids are starting to grow heavy, and content that your storytelling has done its work, you start to curl up towards the fire and give a content smile.

“And that was how Druddigon like us came to live in Dragonspiral Tower.”

That seems as good a note as any to wind things down, and to give the last nudge needed to push your children off towards sleep. You start to reach out to pull them in towards you, when a quiet, disapproving voice speaks up from behind.

“... That’s not how I remember the version of the story that I heard, Neela. And I grew up around Dragonspiral Tower myself.”

You stiffen up after hearing the name your humans use for you called out and turn to see a Mienshao approach with a small, quiet frown. That’s ‘Duke’ as your humans call him, which you suppose has rubbed off on you from habit. He’s the Pokémon who showed you the ropes when you started partnering with the humans of this family, and he carries wisdom from both life among humans and the time before.

It’s the second one that has you a bit worried, as you speak up to try and brush him off.

“Ah, yes. Well, it’s folklore,” you insist. “There’s usually different versions that go around.”

“Maybe so, but even that’s definitely not how most versions of the story I heard went,” the Mienshao retorts, folding his arms. “Especially the part about how the Druddigon came into the tower. It’s not quite as simple a story as that.”

You grimace as the children are suddenly more awake now, and much to your chagrin, much as children tend to do, your younger child lets curiosity get the better of him and he glances up at the Mienshao.

“Oh? What was different about the version you heard?”

Duke doesn’t frown, but even so, his expression remains firm as he squats to lower himself down to the youngsters’ level.

“Well, their purpose for coming was a bit different in the one I usually hear. In the wilds, Druddigon don’t just hunt for food, but also for dens,” Duke explains. “When they come across one that’s pleasing to them, sometimes they will try and drive off its owner to claim it for themselves.”

He shakes his head as you tighten your claws against the the carpet and quietly cringe. You’ve heard the version of the story Duke’s telling too, and it’s not one

“And that was what brought them to Dragonspiral Tower. They had been wandering from the mountains, when in the late fall on Icirrus’ Moor, they came across the tower. They saw that it was a pleasing den, but much too big for any of them to take alone, so their elders said: ‘let us join claws and hunt this den from its inhabitants for ourselves’.”

Your children are starting to waver now, as that sense of wonder you worked so hard to instill leaves their eyes and a doubtful unease takes its place.

“... Wait, but aren’t there Golett and Golurk at the tower still?” your elder child asks. “Doesn’t that mean that the Druddigon lost?

“Well, yes and no. Your mother is right about them fighting the defenders to a draw, and some even say they gained the upper hand,” the Mienshao says, before shaking his head.

“The problem was that that day the gods came back to roost,” the Fighting-type continues. “When they found out about what these strangers had done to their companions, they were understandably displeased.”

Your grumble under your breath about how Duke just had to step in and ruin your story right before the kids were about to sleep. Their wings are now drooped and their heads held low in disappointment, as your Second of Two uneasily speaks up to ask:

“What… happened then?”

“Well, in the version of the story I heard, the gods grew enraged and bellowed their displeasure and swooped down, throwing fire and lightning before the Druddigon,” Duke explained. “It is said the Druddigon grew sore afraid in the gods’ presence, to the point where some of them even fell ill out of fright—”

You’ve had enough. You don’t understand why Duke is doing this since as your mentor, it’s not like him to just embarrass you like this in front of others. You let out a sharp glare and growl your displeasure.

“Alright Duke, we don’t need to hear the rest,” you snap. “I just wanted to give the kids a nice story before they went to sleep before you had to step in and ruin things.”

He falls quiet for a moment, before looking over with a small smile and a wave of a wispy-furred paw.

“Then wouldn’t it make sense for me to end before the story’s over now would it?” he asks. “After all, while the truth of any story doesn’t always show Pokémon like us at our best, in this case, of all the dragons that came before them, it was indeed the Druddigon that the gods chose to help protect their tower.

You blink and realize that Duke must be telling a version of the story of how Dragonspiral Tower came to have Druddigon that was different than you thought. The children blink in confusion as they

“They… did?” your Second of Two asks. “But why?

“Yeah, so far, your story just made it sound like the Druddigon were mean to the Pokémon that were already there!” your First of Two protests. “And then grew scaredy after they made the gods mad. Why on earth would the gods want them after all that?”

“Well, most Pokémon would be scared in their situation, dragon or not. But in the end, amidst the roaring and the fire and lightning, the whole time, the Druddigon did not yield or turn away or flee like the other dragons,” the Mienshao explained. “They alone stood firm, if visibly quaking.”

You blink at the Mienshao’s answer, and your features ease a bit. He sees them himself, before he raises a paw and continues on with his tale.

“With embers and sparks dancing about them, the gods held back their power briefly and demanded of the Druddigon: ‘Why did you come here and harm our guardians? Did you really think that you could best the gods’ might?’”

Duke trails off briefly, studying your reaction and your children’s. He sees that that curious spark has returned to their eyes. Even if they’re not as excited as they were for your version of the story, they don’t look disappointed anymore.

“At the gods’ demand, one of the Druddigon from the front fell to his belly with a heartful plea: ‘Lords of Black and White, have pity! We sought your tower for ourselves because our dens were hunted from us and we have none to shield ourselves from winter’s snow!’”

You see the children stiffen up and glance out the window towards the snow through the window and wince at the sight. Being stuck in such weather without shelter all winter would be the end of many a dragon, and while this too is in the version of events you were worried Duke would bring up… somehow his take feels like it doesn’t make light of those Druddigon of bygone times.

“The other Druddigon joined in and with one voice desperately echoed their companion’s plea, explaining that if they turned away, they would surely die. If not from the gods’ wrath, then from the snow. The gods were moved by their plight lingered for a moment, before one, their identity lost to time spoke up.”

This time, Duke brings his eyes to yours, and runs a paw on it, giving a small smile down at you as words that surprise you come from his mouth

“‘Stand tall, brave and noble dragons. For you have displayed unity and humility where all others before you failed, and did not yield even in the face of certain death.’”

You blink up at your mentor. You can’t tell if he’s just saying this to make you feel better or not. In tellings of this tale you’ve heard where the teller accused the Druddigon of acting craven, the gods didn’t say anything like that to them.

“For a fleeting moment, the Druddigon were at a loss, when the other of the gods spoke up in stern warning: ‘So long as you dwell in our domains, you shall never claim this land as its masters but defend it on our behalf. You shall live amongst our other servants as equals. They shall be your allies and you shall be theirs,’” the Mienshao continued. “And so they lowered their heads and marched forth, and took their place among Dragonspiral Tower’s guardians.”

The Mienshao stoops down and pats at your children’s crests, before turning to you with a knowing smile.

“Considering how there’s Druddigon that live out there to this day, I’d think that they’ve done a pretty good job so far,” he says. “Don’t you think, Neela?”

You should probably be more annoyed at the way Duke undercut your story, but at the same time, even if it could’ve done without some of the less flattering details, it has its own charm. Like your own that you’ve passed on to your children, it’s a story of a lineage to be proud of: courage and unity winning your ancestors an honor most Pokémon could only dream of.

Your children are tired now and your elder child is now pawing at his eyes, while your second stretches out against the carpet, before looking up with a curious murmur.

“Wait, but Duke? There weren’t any Mienshao in that story at all,” he remarks. “Were they not there already when the Druddigon came?”

You stiffen up at your child’s question. Even as it is told among its Druddigon, the story of how Mienshao came to be is one that doesn’t reflect them at their finest. About how for all their strength and valor, they ultimately needed help making good on their duties in the midst of winter’s chill. Duke sees your tension, with a chuckling shake of his head, he opts to spare you further embarrassment for tonight.

“That’s a story for another night, little one,” your mentor says. “You look tired, and it’s important for a young dragon like you to stay warm and rest on a cold night like tonight.”

The Mienshao gets up and drifts off, for his own corner elsewhere in the house that he claims in at night. You settle in with your children, curling up together beside the fire as your Second of Two paws at your chest and looks into your eyes.

“I liked your version of the story more, mom,” he tells you. “Though will we ever get to go to that tower ourselves?”

You look down, and nuzzle at your child as a knowing smile comes over your maw.

“We will, sweetie. When you and your brother are a bit older.”

You curl up with your children beside the fire and begin to drift off. For a fleeting moment, you wonder to yourself… between your story and Duke’s, which of the two is closer to the truth? Duke’s version of the tale you knew is apparently closer to the ones most others tell, so does that mean that your wasn’t right?

You think back to Duke’s reassurance at the end and ultimately decide to leave things be. Whatever really happened, those Druddigon won the gods’ trust in the end.

It is a lineage you and your children carry, and one that you all can be proud of.
Huh. Overall, there doesn't seem to be many differences between the original and the current version, but I'll admit I did skim the drabble version. I'm sure there are differences, but I'd have to look closer to see them. Mostly, I was curious of there would be any plot differences.

Closing thoughts:
Like the previous works of yours, this was a tale focused on both cultural and familial attachment from a most perspective. I suspect a great many of your works have the potential for further expansion. In this case, a sequel would likely go over well. It also makes me wonder how interconnected your works are. I like to think this shares a universe with Fixed Paths.

Even though there were a few places to improve on the prose that I provided suggestions for, your writing style comes through and shines as it usually does.

Although I haven't counted the words for my review this time, I'm confident it is well above the minimum. I hope this was at least a little helpful and enjoyable! Thanks for the cozy read! :veelove:
 
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