• Up for a little collaborative writing fun? Thousand Roads' sixth annual Exquisite Corpse game is now open for signups! In an Exquisite Corpse, each participant writes a brief scene with only a couple of sentences for context, then adds their scene to the mix. In the end we'll have a big, chaotic frankenfic! This year's corpse themes are choose your own adventure, mystery, and tournament arc! See more info and sign up here.
  • Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!

    Join now!

Pokémon Journey

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Premium
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
  6. omanyte
  7. hizzap
Hey there! It's been a long, long time since my last review, but I did some recapping from my notes and I believe I remember enough not to be lost. Also, I actually already read and took notes of this chapter (8) way back, but didn't get around to reviewing, so that works as additional recap for me. Either way, let's get to it.

They'd lost their mother. I didn't know about any of the other marowak, but I had a sinking feeling that none of them had made it onto that chopper. I wasn't going to just release them. That would be a death sentence out here. Without a marowak to lead them, they didn't stand a chance in the wild. And as selfish as it was, I didn't want to let Acolyte go so early. I reasoned to myself that he wasn't ready to lead yet. I knew the selfish truth behind that lie. I just didn't want to lose my newest pokemon.
It's a bit odd that it's established that he selfishly didn't want to let Acolyte go, then stated that he reasoned that Acolyte wasn't ready to lead yet (unselfish reason), and then said again that the truth was actually selfish, which we already knew. Repetition isn't necessarily a problem, but it reads strangely when it comes across as an attempt to say something new to the audience despite it already being established.

Very minor thing, by the way, if you didn't notice, but I think it could make the sequence run a little more smoothly.

The elder professor sighed and I heard a long pause. "I was afraid of this day," he said. "It is not a happy day to lose a pokemon. How is he managing?"

"I'm not really sure, sir. I was injured in the incident and he left shortly after we arrived in Lavender. He hasn't really said anything about it."

Oak sighed heavily through the phone. "So much like his father, internalizing everything." I heard him mumble under his breath and couldn't make out the words. "Well, in any case, thank you. If there's anything I can do to help you at this time, please let me know."
Another minor thing in the same vein - sighing happens twice in quick succession, and I would have had it be acknowledged by saying "sighed again". That does get rid of the "heavily", but it can also be changed into "Oak sighed again ('through the phone' seems like an unnecessary addition), more heavily this time".

I left that place, only pausing to look back once. Blue was still standing there, looking down at the marker. A boy in a red training jacket and hat had joined him, both of them staring down at the marker in silence. I turned back, leaving the grieving trainers behind.
OMG THERE HE IS

"Please, Acolyte," I begged. "Please don't.
Missing ending quote.

He backed off, but kept his cold gaze on me. "Bah, this is why I don't work with other divisions. You're all a bunch of softhearted shits. No spine when it comes time to put the screws to your mark"
Missing period (or exclamation point, possibly) at the end of the quote.

---

As a person, I was happy to see the cubone crisis solved quickly, but as a reader, it felt pretty quick and convenient. This and the fact that the pickup was given "screentime" actually made me think that the person picking them up was working for Rocket, and I kept this impression up until it seemed to be deconfirmed by Vicious and Domino. Of course, it's still possible that it's a faction of Rocket they don't know about or another team entirely, but I'm taking their statement at face value for now. I do think that even then there actually isn't any problem in the dramatic structure, since we see that Marcus handing off the cubone continued to be relevant and had negative consequences for him, so it makes sense for the handoff to be written out, as it makes the reader remember it better.

I really liked the exchange between Marcus and Blue. I thought it was quite emotional, and it's cool that Marcus' kindness sort of gets "rewarded" with the moon stone, not that I think anyone should only be nice to people in hope of rewards - it's just a nice turn of events.

The Surge scene also changes up the playing field in an exciting way - someone other than Marcus now knows about the extortion, and it's a powerful ally.

That's it for my thoughts this time around, I think! Good luck writing onward, and see you around.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, it took a while, but I’m finally coming around for that review exchange that we agreed to back in January. I noticed that I actually didn’t review Chapter 4 of this story yet, so I’ll be throwing it into the pile of chapters that I agreed to get through as a freebie:

Chapter 4

The first badge is difficult. The second? Well, there's a reason so many trainers wash out of the League. — Leader Volkner Denzi of Sunnyshore City

Oh yeah, that’s a good omen for how Marcus’ Gym Challenge is going to go this chapter. /s

Even if I’ll admit that I’m a tad surprised that we’re seeing quotes from Sinnohan Gym Leaders when all the action in this story AFAIK will be in Kanto.

I stared intently at the catalogue, reading the prices with dismay. Gemma had suggested that we take a look at the trainer's market for a technical machine. I had no clue how they worked, but they could impart certain techniques into the minds of pokemon.

I take it that Silph Co are a bunch of anti-consumer bastards that refuse to sell reusable TMs in Kanjoh, huh? Unless you just rolled with the take that Pen/Pokédollars aren’t scaled to Yen in value.

Luna's list teased me with possibilities. Agility, an ability could increase her speed even more than her usual quick attacks did. Hex, a ghost technique that targeted injuries like burns and used them to inflict as much pain as possible. Then, the one that I couldn't take my eyes off, energy ball. A grass technique that would give us a legitimate weapon against Misty. It wasn't an instant win, but it could turn the battle in my favour.

bender-laughing.gif


Setting aside the lampshading by the Volkner quote, I actually wonder if STAB is a known thing that exists in this setting, since if so, that’s a sign that Marcus didn’t exactly research a whole lot about Pokémon battles before going out into the field. Since… uh… yeah, literally the only thing going for him on his present team against Misty if she’s got that Starmie is that canonically she doesn’t bust out Psychic moves on it for a 2-badge match. Oh, and Curie might be able to pull some baby antics if the story cuts him a break, which I’m not holding my breath on.

The list for my newest pokemon just baffled my mind. Ice beam and blizzard, shadow claw, and the most interesting of all thunderbolt and thunder. My mind danced with the ideas of forcing Misty onto her back foot with moves that would never be expected. Then I looked at the prices and sighed with all the earned frustration of a poor man in a rich world.

Misty’s Starmie: “Lol. Lmao.”

Perhaps if I'd had a sponsor I could have decked my team out. With my half of the bounty we had claimed, I could afford one. Only one. Only one counter to Misty. I sighed heavily. One wasn't going to win me the battle by itself and I was having serious doubts about my chances since the video session I'd had with Gemma in the morning.

I suppose that that’s a sign to review the tapes of how Misty handles challengers in your bracket, even if I strongly doubt that throwing Energy Ball on Luna will go anywhere since at least your Nidorino from last chapter won’t keel over and die from getting soaked.

"What do you think?" I asked, turning to Gemma. I showed her the page with my heart torn.

She scanned the page, looking over from her own catalogue of organic supplements and enhancements. "Why not both?" She said, knowing what I was torn between without asking. She shrugged. "Hell, I'll even buy a few of them for you."

Marcus:
no-money-donald-duck.gif


I pulled the catalogue back. "Fine, I won't ask."

I was sick of charity and despite everything I tried, Gemma was insistent. I slammed the catalogue shut, making my choice and handing my order slip to the clerk.

I turned to look at Gemma and sighed as she scribbled a hasty pair of additions to her own slip. "I hate feeling like this, Gemma. I don't like you buying everything for me."

Not that you should really be looking a gift horse in the mouth right now, but why is Gemma being this generous to Marcus anyways? Does he remind her of a buddy she had that died from being cheap or something?

She shrugged. "I already told you money wasn't a problem for me. Consider it a loan, if it bothers you that much." She passed her slip to the clerk. "You can pay me me back in installments, no interest."

Couple of typos in this paragraph here.

I glared at her with frustration obvious on my face. "Gemma, seriously I don't want it. Use it on one of your pokemon or something." I crossed my arms and turned to take the small disk from the clerk. "I'm not going to just TM my way to victory."

[ ]

"Suit yourself, Novice." She took the three disks she had chosen and slipped them into a case in her bag. "Don't cry to me if she wipes the floor with you. You don't have a single counter to any of her pokemon."

I kinda wonder if we should’ve seen a bit more of Gemma’s reaction to Marcus here. For example, is she taking this in stride? Is she visibly annoyed that Marcus is pushing away her help here?

I sighed as we left the market. "Like I'm gonna just let that happen."

I mean, considering the opening quote to this chapter, Marcus… ^^;

"It's not about what you'll let happen," she retorted. "The second gym badge is the first real test of the gym challenge. It might still be a novice challenge, but it's intended to weed out the truly interested from the pretenders."

She crossed her arms and looked at me as we exited onto the street.

"Earning your first badge is easy. Your second?" She trailed off and I caught a far off look in her eyes. "It's meant to test what you're made of. It's meant to push you to the breaking point, to show you that you aren't invincible and force you to overcome some adversity."

I feel like this paragraph should be hacked up into a few smaller ones. Though not that Gemma’s advice doesn’t make sense in context, but it’s fairly similar in premise to Volkner’s quote in the opening. I wonder if there’s something that he could’ve said that would be a bit more materially different in nuance.

I smirked and the motion brought a twinge of pain to my still recovering nose. "Good thing that I've already learned that," I said with a dry tone. "Heaven forbid she send out a paras. I might collapse in fear."

She punched me in the arm, scowling. "Don't be a sarcastic little shit. Do you know the numbers?"

Small punctuation error here. And yeah, Marcus really is tempting all the fate right now.

I nodded, shit-eating grin still plastered on my face. "Less than half of all trainers manage to make it to their third badge, a quarter of those dropping out due to significant injury to their pokemon. I know what the odds are." I shrugged, unconcerned with the path I'd chosen. "I know what I want and I know what I have to do to earn it."

1220916380468117705.webp


Yeesh, no wonder the entrance to Brock’s battlefield smelled of blood if one in eight Gym Challengers has a Pokémon mained or killed in battle by their third gym. I’m beginning to see how Plasma developed a following in this story’s analogue to B1W1 times.

Gemma smirked knowingly. "We'll see about that." She pushed a pair of TMs towards me, one green, one electric yellow. "For now, listen to someone who knows better. Sometimes, you just have to TM your way through a fight."

I can already tell that these TMs are going to be the sole reason why Marcus doesn’t get immediately curbstomped by Misty this chapter.

Introducing ourselves to my newest team member turned out to be a chore in its own right. After turning in from a hard day of training, I spent half the night researching training methods. Most of the league registered nido were trained from near-birth. Pack instincts were incredibly hard to break once ingrained in the mind of a pokemon and my new team member had fought me to the point of exhaustion. I couldn't find damn near anything about training freshly caught nidorino, save for a few warning videos where the nidorino gored the trainer.

Oh boy, does Marcus know how to pick his teammates there. I’m beginning to understand how he winds up having problems later down the road with Savage. :copyka:

Fortunately, I knew one potential way to establish a relationship with my new pokemon. Nidos were pack animals. I had to kick its ass and establish myself as the alpha of his new pack. I wasn't entirely happy about that either. Something felt wrong with beating a creature that I'm damn sure was at least as smart as I was.

By the time the sun rose on the next day, my eyes were bleary and my head was splitting. I grabbed a coffee on my way out of the crappy motel I'd checked into at and met Gemma at the north gate of Cerulean.

Ah yes, the power of friendship™ in action. /s

I mean, considering how your Nidorino literally just tried to kill you the other day, I’m less concerned about the ass-kicking and more about whether or not you’re really going to be able to keep him in line, Marcus. Since this feels like a recipe for your Nidorino to wind up snapping out of resentment and goring you to death one day when he feels like trying to shake up that “pack hierarchy”.

We crossed the bridge out of town and passed by the now-empty tourney grounds. We kept to the route for the most part, only ducking off the route to keep away from other trainers when we'd left Cerulean far behind. I had Gemma stay upwind and out of sight. I needed the nidorino to respect me, not Gemma. I wouldn't be able to gain that respect if I had Gemma looming over my shoulder with her fearsome machamp. Hell, I would just be setting myself up for an ambush once I wasn't around her.

I mean, considering how it’s most likely Luna that’s going to be doing the honors, aren’t you just going to have the same issue the moment Luna’s not around to hold down the fort?
720106605982646283.webp


I raised the ball on my belt, Luna standing resolutely at my side. I glanced down at her and gave her my most confident smile. "Ready for this?"

She planted her feet and growled in agreement.

de7.png


I raised the ball and set the auto-return function. It'd return the nidorino if he attempted to flee and got more than thirty feet from me. I tapped the release button, waiting for my newest pokemon to appear.

Huh. Wouldn’t have thought about that being a thing on Pokéballs, but it does make sense for a harder-edged setting like this. Especially for trainers getting a handle on their Pokémon that they haven’t worked out the “don’t set the neighbor’s porch on fire when you’re angry” kinks yet.

He materialized in a flash of red light, his head held low. He was small, much smaller than I remembered. Either he was a runt or he had just evolved from his nidoran stage. I had probably been one of his first real battles, and I had thoroughly embarrassed him in front of his pack before stealing him away.

So… yeah, great recipe for him actually following instructions and not just being an unmanageable PITA. Especially once he starts to be able to fling Thunderbolts off his horn. /s

I raised an eyebrow with as the thought that I might have already broken the pack mentality by capturing him. It would make things significantly easier.

e02e5ffb5f980cd8262cf7f0ae00a4a9_press-x-to-doubt-memes-memesuper-la-noire-doubt-meme_419-238.png


He made no move to flee, no move to attack. He glanced between me and Luna as if he were analyzing us. I stopped, unsure of what to do. I'd been so sure of his guaranteed aggression, so sure that he would attack us on sight. I hadn't put any thought into a peaceful solution.

Huh, I suppose that that’s one way to sidestep the ethical quandries of having to “Authority Equals Asskicking” a sapient being. I suppose we’ll see whether or not things pan out or not.

Luna barked once, stepping forward. I didn't move a muscle, my eyes glued to the nido. He still made no aggressive moves, watching and waiting as Luna slowly stalked towards him. His tail flicked back and forth slowly and I made my decision before Luna could ruin our opportunity.

"Hold," I ordered. "He isn't dangerous," I said, watching the little nido shiver in fear. "He's scared."

I kinda feel that there should be some stronger indication that Marcus notices that his poison bunny is afraid before he gives the order to Luna to back down.

Though this is probably a sign that you should be more on-guard at the moment, Marcus. Since you know what they say about backing animals into corners…

Luna stopped and sat. Her eyes never left the nido and the tension never left her body, but she sat and obeyed my order. I saw the smoke curling out from my vulpix's mouth and knew she was not happy with my order, but she obeyed it without question.

I stepped forward, petting the back of Luna's head as I passed. I watched the nidorino's ears perk up and swivel towards me. "That's good," I murmured.

Luna: “*I sure hope you know what you’re doing, Marcus. Since just saying, ‘scared’ doesn’t mean ‘harmless’.”
663472557835550752.webp


I slowly lowered myself to his level, meeting his eyes and finding them surprisingly clear of anger. He had something twinkling in his eyes, something that I instinctively understood as good.

"Want something to eat?" I asked softly. I kept my voice low as my hand slowly dove into my pack. "I've got some treats that Luna over here is fond of. We'll share with you."

Ah yes, Marcus is going for the ‘through its stomach’ route of friendship. I wonder if that’s just general advice in this setting writ large, or if this is something that Marcus has done before in the past.

I raised an oran berry and smiled. His eyes followed it, leaving Luna for half a moment before flitting back nervously.

"You're with us now," I said, fighting the urge to let my feelings overwhelm me. "a member of a new family."

Family was something I'd lost. I'd lost mine with the death of my sister, with the words my Pa and I had said to each other. But a trainer built their own family.

I like how it literally took all of a paragraph to undercut Marcus’ cheerful and heartwarming “it’s okay, we’re in this together” moment. That’s certainly on-brand for this story. :copyka:

I swallowed the lump in my throat as clarity came over me. "You're a part of my pack now."

He wasn't aggressive. He was scared. Lost and separated from his pack, he needed a new pack leader and he needed it now. I stepped back, my heart pounding in my chest. With one smooth movement, I raised Luna's ball and returned her without a word. She wouldn't do me any good growling and spitting fire like she thought as if she was a houndoom. I had to be the pack leader here, not her.

Well, this is either going to end great, or completely horrible in about five seconds depending on who that Nidorino was afraid of.

He cocked his head to the side. I heard a growl and feared for a moment that I'd made a terrible decision. I raised the berry and attempted my best calming smile. I still saw the twinkle of fear in his eyes and knew that I wasn't in any danger. He was just scared.

"It's ok," I said quietly. "I won't hurt you again. You're my pokemon. You're the first one I ever really caught on my own."

I’ll admit, when I saw the mention that the Nidorino was growling, I for a moment thought that Marcus was going to get jumped. I see that you went the less cynical route this time around.

I dropped the berry in front of him and lowered my hands. He crept forward and snatched up the berry eagerly, looking up at me with some confusion.

"You can come with me," I said softly. "You can be a part of something different."

Well, that and die in a blaze of glory later on in the story, but that’s a story for another day.

My hand dove into the bag again and produced another berry. I held it out in my open palm, keeping my voice low. "You're with me now. I know it's not like it was with your family was, but if you stay with me you'll become strong. Stronger even than your old pack leader ever was."

Boy Marcus is being all kinds of presumptuous there given the stats for how Gym Challenges wind up in this setting, but his Nidorino doesn’t need to know that just now. ^^;

He took the berry again, brushing his snout against my hand as he pulled the berry away. He devoured the berry and looked up at me expectantly, his short tail wagging excessively. I grinned back and knew that the beginnings of a familial bond were there.

If you’re going to use “beginnings”, the “was” there should be a “were”.

"That's a good boy," I said, dropping to one knee. He nuzzled into my hand, careful to avoid scratching me with the spines covering his body. "That's a very good boy."

D’aww…

"Any names yet?" Gemma asked. She had her feet up and a drink in her free hand. Her other hand had her pokegear up to her face, browsing through the day's news. "I still think your first idea was your best."

She glanced up at my nidorino as he shook off the confusion Luna had inflicted on him. He grunted angrily and blinked away the slow look on his face before bounding back after Luna.

"Fits him best."

I shrugged. "Pride?" I suggested halfheartedly, quickly losing my patience with the entire naming process. "It's alright, but it just doesn't sound great to me."

Oh, so Marcus’ Nido officially has a name now. Even if I myself want to know how on earth he settled on ‘Pride’ there.

"Well how did you choose Luna?" She asked. She bent down and scooped up Curie in her arms as my happiny bounded towards her. My baby had taken an absolute liking to Gemma, practically demanding that the new lady spend her time cooing in her face rather than training me and my team. "How did you choose Curie?"

"They just came to me, naturally. It wasn't like I was giving them a name. They had their names already and I just figured it out."

I stood up, grinding my teeth as I watched Luna spar with the nido. He wasn't quick, or even overly powerful. He didn't fight dirty or resort to clever tricks like Luna liked to.

Gemma: “And how does ‘Pride’ come into all of this again? Since just saying, people are actually called ‘Luna’ and ‘Curie’. I can’t say the same thing about ‘Pride’.”
916590116670144542.webp


Try as I might, I just kept coming back to the same name. "Pride," I repeated, glancing back at Gemma for reassurance. It was in my head now and I was spiralling into doubt with my ability to name my pokemon.

Hey man, at least you’re still doing better than “Charmander called Blaze”-tier, which isn’t exactly rare among younger fans of this series.

I got none as Curie incessantly bounced on Gemma's lap, delighted by the exciting new game. She burped and turned a violent shade of green. I suppressed a chuckle as Gemma learned firsthand why bouncing a baby after feeding was a bad idea.

Oh, so Curie
920825768873979925.webp
-ed all over Gemma’s lap, huh?

I turned back to Luna and the nido and made my decision. "Front and centre, team!"

Luna looked up at me as my nido barrelled down on her. She leapt over him easily and landed lithely in front of me. My nido attempted to skid to a halt, but he had already built up too much speed. He tumbled end over end and slammed into the tree with enough force to knock a half dozen berries from the branches.

I mean, on the plus side, Marcus will have extra provisions for when he’s back out in the field given that he’s got no stable income at the moment? ^^;

I waited until he had sauntered back over to me, watching him give Luna jealous glares as he joined her side. He plopped down haggardly as his chest heaved with exhaustion. He was raw, not in battle shape and often slow to react. It was a wonder that he'd put up the fight that he had against Luna the first time.

I mean, from Pride’s perspective, he was likely fighting for his life in that first battle with Luna, so…

"Alright, team, we have a lot of work ahead of us. Misty is a tougher test than Brock. She's got the type advantages and she knows that we're coming for her. I won't lie to you. This will not be an easy battle."

I paced back and forth, looking down at my troops with all the fiery confidence I usually lacked. They needed it from me, and to be completely honest, it would be good for me to avoid self-doubt.

I produced a trio of TM disks from my pack and held them aloft. They glinted pink, green and yellow in the evening sun. "However, we've got a chance. If we're smart and lucky, we can pull off another upset." I lowered the TMs and looked down at Luna. "You're up first," I started. "How does moving even faster than a quick attack sound?"

Oh hey, there’s a theme song for this:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPl_1RpBK_4


I groaned with exhaustion and stretched my legs. I tossed the pokegear onto the crappy motel bed and got to my feet. I crossed the room and stared down at the parking lot of dilapidated cars, happy to be looking at anything that wasn't more battle footage. I'd been poring over Misty's gym challenges for days, watching every one of her opponents and analyzing her battle style. I'd even gone back to her own league challenge, watching battles that taught me nothing about her current team to glean some weakness in her style.

I actually wonder if that’s a sign that the average schmo in Kanto isn’t well off, or if Kanto is just car hell like the American Midwest where the roads get salted every winter and it requires meticulous cleaning just to keep something on the road for more than a decade.

She was all attack, pushing the pace of the battle relentlessly. Very rarely would she pull back and play a defensive game, something that I mourned. I wouldn't have the time and opportunity to run circles around her like I had with Brock. Instead, she attacked until she knocked your pokemon out of commission, trusting her starmie's regenerative abilities to win her the day. The only league losses on her record were from Lance and Agatha themselves, two trainers that had both been undefeated for decades.

Waaaaaait, just how on earth are people completing their Indigo League challenges if Misty has just never lost to anyone except two people? Or are losses in Gyms not recorded by virtue of them occurring under the equivalent of level and headcount caps?

I had to admit that her style countered Luna quite well and downright terrified me when it came to Pride. I'd seen half a dozen videos of Misty's starmie just tossing nidorinos around helplessly and knocking them out without even worrying about a single blow. I'd turned it off after realizing that the nidorino weren't going to win that matchup.

Oh, well. Maybe Misty just does use Psychic moves in her matches in this setting after all.
994427253242990704.webp


It was demoralizing, to say the least. I was living my dream and yet I found myself up against a wall with prospects for victory bleak.

Luna: “*Just saying, we could just go and challenge Erika instead since two out of three of us will have type advantages.*”
916590116670144542.webp


Gemma had abandoned me a few days before for some family business, only after pushing the TMs she'd bought into my hands and demanding that I make myself presentable for sponsors. She wouldn't take the TMs back, but I was determined to make a good showing before I dared use the TM moves.

I kinda wonder if this whole “Gemma splitting from Marcus” moment should’ve been explicitly depicted, since I’ll admit that it felt a little anticlimactic for her to just get yeeted out of the plot (I assume temporarily) with no real foreshadowing.

I'd used Thunderbolt it on Pride and he just couldn't seem to get the hang of it. He had to stand there for several seconds while he charged up the necessary energy to fire off a bolt of lightning. Several seconds that we just wouldn't have against a murderous mermaid and her sea star.

You’ve got an extra word lingering around here that should be axed.

It made for a stunning spectacle to be sure, but I couldn't think of any situation where I'd manage to find Pride that kind of time in the middle of a battle with a starmie that outsped him easily and held the advantage at range.

I turned away from the window and sighed. We weren't ready. Luna was getting stronger every day, mastering the use of her two TMs almost effortlessly and even beginning to exhibit some rudimentary extrasensory abilities. It wasn't quite ready to be used in battle yet, but I still devoted an inordinate amount of time to her practicing with them. We needed every edge and I wasn't going to leave any stone unturned with less than two days to my challenge.

I like how Marcus just went and scheduled his match before completing his analysis on what Misty’s fighting style was going to be like. Since at this rate, he really would’ve been better off just doing odd jobs and grinding to take Erika on before Misty. :copyka:

Pride's training however, was going about as poorly as it could have. He was still adjusting to life on a trainer's team. He had difficulty understanding some of my more complex commands. We were making some headway, but I couldn't help the nagging pessimism that told me we weren't ready.

Marcus already mentioned that he didn’t feel they were ready in the last section. It might’ve been worth taking a different tack here like him thinking something like that they’re in over their heads or outmatched, which is a little different in nuance.

He was tougher than Luna, but not by much. He could hit harder than Luna as well, but again not by much. He had speed to burn when running in a straight line, but he couldn't corner worth a damn. I'd taken to devising him increasingly difficult obstacle courses, but there was only so much you a ‘mon could realistically improve in a week. It looked like yet again I was relying on Luna to be my ace in the hole.

Luna: “*Again, let’s go and challenge Erika first.*” >_>;

Curie rolled over, whining at me from the bed and breaking my concentration. I smiled and let myself forget the upcoming battle. I could rest for one night. I did need to be fresh for the watching sponsors after all.

I crawled into the bed, my eyes half-shut in exhaustion. Curie cooed happily and cozied up against my chest. I felt Luna stir on the bed and crawl up against my leg. Pride rolled over on the floor, his loud breathing rhythmically slowing as my nido drifted off. I immediately lost myself to exhaustion and sleep mercifully took me.

I’m honestly surprised that Marcus could sleep with all that stress. That must’ve been one really long viewing session of Misty’s past battles.

I made my way down the corridor with my head held high. It was dark, darker even than the one in Pewter had been. I caught the faint scent of salty water and felt a cool breeze rush down the corridor as the league's challenge theme began to swell.

Well, it doesn’t smell of blood, at least. Though considering what Marcus has seen of Misty’s highlight reels, that’s probably just a sign that she cleans her facilities better than Brock does.

I nervously ran my hand through my newly cut hair and straightened the pale grey jacket that I'd bought to replace the ratty one I'd left home in. Gemma had appeared at dawn, handing me a new wardrobe and forcing me out the door and to a hairstylist. I wasn't used to the fuss of doing myself up all nice, but even I couldn't deny that I looked damn fine compared to the night before.

Let’s not get into how half of one of his ears is scar tissue right now, but I suppose it’s an upgrade over Marcus’ generally disheveled batting average over the last few chapters.

I emerged into the blinding light, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the dazzling arena. A massive wave pool dominated the field, with a pair of winding rivers that emptied into the pool cutting the land portion of the field into three roughly equal portions.

Misty was waiting on her platform, her hair up in a fiery orange bun. Her signature teardrop swimsuit left nothing to the imagination, sweat and saltwater beading up on her bare skin. A bright red whistle hung down between her breasts. It was intoxicating and seductive, even though I knew it was just for show.

Well, Misty certainly knows a thing or two about making a splash with first impressions. Though that makes me wonder if she’s also got that Goldeen outfit of hers chilling in a closet somewhere in this continuity.

I ignored the theatrics and pushed away the distractions. Misty was good. She wanted me off balance, thinking about her body, the music and a thousand other things besides the battle.

That actually makes me wonder how much “ooh, look at the distraction” head games are just part and parcel of a Gym Leader’s shtick in the Journeyverse. Since you’d think that while cheap, psyching out opponents would go a long way to maintaining job security.

I glanced out at the crowd for half a moment and felt my heart flutter. It was nearly full. For a novice match. I caught a glimpse of Gemma waving some absurd oversized sign and knew that she had been busy with more than just family business. Novice matches weren't spectated by this many people ever. I briefly wondered who Gemma really was, but I pushed the distraction away.

She certainly does seem to have handy access to a lot of toys. What, is she secretly a Rocket or something?
401085511176814613.webp


I took my place on my platform and it began to rise into the air. The massive screen across the arena wall lit up and the League emblem faded to Misty's personal crest, a single cerulean drop of water.

Small typo there.

"GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GENTS, DO WE HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU TODAY!"

I jumped slightly. The speakers were damn loud here. That or the emcee had practically swallowed the mic.

"THIS WILL BE A NOVICE CHALLENGE TO THE CERULEAN CITY GYM. LEADER MISTY WILL USE THREE POKEMON WITH NO SUBSTITUTIONS. THE CHALLENGER MAY USE UP TO SIX POKEMON, WITH TWO SUBSTITUTIONS."

Wait, so is there just a tier for each badge out of 8 in the Indigo League? Or do “Novice” Challenges encompass something like the first three Gym badges or something like that.

The massive viewscreen on the wall flickered, mine and Misty's faces flashing across the screen to our respective sides of the arena. Three balls appeared under both our faces and I tightened my fists nervously.

I heard the roar of the crowd, and vaguely caught Gemma's shriek of encouragement over it. I blocked it out as best I could, focusing on Misty and only Misty. The lights were blinding and the noise was deafening but they seemed to fade away as I focused on my opponent.

Misty’s Gym Pokémon:
giphy.gif

Marcus: “Is that really necessary right now?” >_>;

I saw her smirk with utmost confidence as she released her first pokemon. A staryu dove into the pool and disappeared under the surface. The tan sea star erupted from the surface a half moment later, spinning into a deft landing on the shore. It stood there motionless, a picturesque example of obedience and discipline.

I mean, it’s a sea star. Just how much do you expect it to move around outside of the water, Marcus?

My eyes met Misty's cold glare and I let go of my fear. I would be a trainer. I would crush this cocky gym leader and leave her team flailing in my wake. I was a pokemon trainer. My hand dropped to my belt, lifting the first of my three balls.

giphy.gif


"Pride, let's show them what we're made of."

My nidorino appeared in a flash of red light. He pawed the ground aggressively and sighted his first target with an angry snort. He growled at the staryu and lowered his horn threateningly.

Misty planted her hands on her hips and leaned forward slightly. "Your move first, novi-"

Oh yeah, this opening’s going great already! /s

"I know how this works," I barked, cutting her off. She met my hard stare with a look of utter contempt, lifting her whistle up to her lips. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and pointed forward. "Pride, horn attack!"

Pride: “Um… wasn’t this the lady with those starfish things that were literally juggling Nidorino in your videos last night?”
701630550720512120.webp


He bounded forward as the staryu levitated off the ground and rocketed towards him as Misty blew two short blasts. They slammed together and separated half a moment later, blood dripping from the spikes on Pride's armoured shoulders. Pride spun on his front paws and attempted to kick the staryu with his hind paws.

1220916380468117705.webp


I see that Misty’s not screwing around. Uh… yeah, don’t count on Curie’s baby antics to get you out of this one, Marcus.

The little tan sea star hit the sandy shore hard, but rose back into the air. One of the staryu's limbs was bent at an uncomfortable angle. The jewel in the middle of the sea star shone a dim red. Misty whistled once, low and long, sparking its bent limb began to bend back into position and the bleeding gashes to seal shut.

250


If you’re going to the hilt with starfish biology, Misty’s Staryu would actually be bleeding seawater, since starfish and related creatures like sea urchins actually circulate seawater with coelomocytes in place of a blood-based vascular system.

Though I see that starfish regeneration is fast in this setting. Makes me wonder if they can also reproduce by mitosis like the real thing or not.

I knew we couldn't let Misty finish healing. She still had two more pokemon to get through. Attack was the only option.

"Push the pace! Fury attack!"

Boy, you’d better hope that Misty isn’t rocking a Psychic move on one of her starfish, since otherwise this is going to be a short gym challenge, Marcus.

Pride was back on the staryu, slamming into it several times. He drove it further inland, away from the wave pool. Misty whistled twice in short succession. The staryu whined and spun as Pride came barreling back in for another attack.

The staryu connected solidly with Pride's jaw. He recoiled in pain and shrunk back as the staryu came to a halt and emitted a high tone. Its central gem began to glow as the tone built to a deafening level.

Then the sound was gone, drowned out by the beam of screaming psychic light that erupted from the staryu's gem. It hit Pride cleanly in the side, catapulting my nido across the arena and through one of the streams flowing into the wave pool.

648432318599397376.webp


And wow, Misty really isn’t screwing around. I was going to say that she was at least nice enough in the games to not sling Psychic moves at you, but that apparently changed as of Let’s Go Pikachu/Eevee.

I grimaced for Pride. That had to have hurt. He struggled back to his feet as the staryu floated lazily towards him, the same terrible tone as before building in volume.

"Get clear!" I shouted.

Pride heard the urgency in my voice and it seemed to spur something in him. He bolted as the staryu let loose a second psybeam that tore a shrieking path through the sand. Pride bounded out of the way and dashed along the edge of the shore, giving the staryu a wide berth.

Pride: “*Um… can I forfeit? Since I’m pretty sure that this isn’t a winning matchup right now.*”
401076862924750848.webp


The staryu turned and fired off another psybeam, this one weaker and only half charged. It ploughed into the sand in front of Pride, a vain attempt to lead the target.

"Tighten up," I shouted. "Don't give it the space."

Um… that might be a bit easier said than done with how high Staryu's base Speed stat is, Marcus. On the positive side, if Pride successfully so much as breathes on that Staryu again, he’ll likely down it.

Despite his unfamiliarity with taking orders, Pride was relatively bright. He knew that he would never win a duel with the staryu at range. His only chance was to get in close and pummel the sea star into submission. He turned mid-stride, avoiding another beam of psychic energy that carved uncomfortably close to his flank.

Wait, so does that Staryu have any speed penalty while on land? If so, you probably want to make that clearer, since at least on paper stats, Staryu has the means to keep this a ranged encounter fairly easily.

The staryu let loose with a barrage of beams, hoping to trip Pride up or knock him off balance so it could deliver another solid blow. They weren't half as powerful as before, but there were so many of them. The air seemed to saturate with psychic energy and my mind struggled to fight through the haze. We had to close the gap to stop the barrage, but there was no clear path to do so. There was no clear path to close the gap.

IMO, your last sentence in this paragraph is redundant.

Pride's chest was heaving with exhaustion as he struggled to stay in front of the psybeams. His feet were moving a mile a minute, desperately running an ever tightening circle around the staryu. Any misstep would have resulted in failure. A single mistake would have ended the battle. Pride fought through it all with every ounce of pride in his body.

>Pride fought through it all with every ounce of pride in his body

futurama-fry.gif


Then I saw it. One of the psybeams glanced off his flank and he shrugged it off with hardly a thought. We'd closed the distance now, cut the corners of the circle until we were within striking distance. The noose was tightened. The battle would end with the next exchange.

Luna: “*... Marcus? Misty has two more Pokémon after this-*”
916590116670144542.webp

Marcus: “You know what I meant, Luna. Let me have my moment.” >_>;

"Now!" I shouted. "Horn attack!"

Pride changed course more quickly than I had thought him capable of. He cut hard under the staryu's barrage and the sea star overcorrected hard. The psybeam tore into the sand harmlessly as Pride closed the last few paces completely unchallenged.

Pride gored the staryu on the edge of its gem, horn sinking deep into the base of the limb. My nidorino didn't let up. The staryu attempted to flee, but its levitation failed as it soared towards the pool. Pride bore down on it, determined not to let his quarry escape.

62091b973466048abe99b6c4fe09108c.jpg


Well, I suppose now Misty’s gym smells like blood.

The staryu disappeared in a flash of red light. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at Pride. He limped back towards our side of the field, away from the water. His chest was heaving and I could see him fighting to suck down air.

I got down on one knee and leaned over the edge of the platform. "You remember the plan for this one?"

Pride: “*Wait, we still have a plan after that fight? Also, shouldn’t you be using a Potion on me or something?*”
785236251842052096.webp


Though actually, now that I think about it, is it ever established whether or not items are allowed in these challenges? If not, it likely makes sense to acknowledge it in passing sometime earlier as not being on the table for Marcus to use even with Gemma playing the role of trainer item fairy earlier on in this chapter.

"WHAT A START FOR THE CHALLENGER!" Boomed the emcee. "MISTY'S STARYU IS DOWN! THIS NIDORINO HAS SOME SPUNK!"

Pride nodded and turned back to face Misty as she released an absolutely stunning goldeen. I paused for a moment, marvelling at her pokemon's flowing fins and radiant colours. It hit me then that I'd never actually seen a goldeen outside of pictures. Pictures that couldn't do justice to the magnificent creature in front of me. I resolved right then and there to learn everything I could about aquatic pokemon, even if only to satisfy my curiosity.

Wait, so did Marcus just never get out of his hometown before this Gym Challenge of his or something? Since Goldeen aren’t that rare in Kantonian waters, just saying.

My attention turned back to Pride. He'd taken a few blows, but seemed to be no worse for wear after he caught his breath. He could take a fish. Even one as gorgeous as Misty's.

11 words thought seconds from disaster.

"MISTY'S CHOSEN HER GOLDEEN NEXT! CAN THE CHALLENGER STAY AFLOAT?"

I mean, if you have to ask the question, the answer’s likely ‘no’, just saying.

I grinned ear to ear, knowing that my next move would send shockwaves through the gym. Literally. "Pride," I started. "Light it up!"

He closed his eyes and I watched him bow his head in concentration. Sparks crackled along his flanks, electricity jumping along his spines as they raced for his horn.

I saw Misty's eyes widen in realization. I heard her voice panic as she shrieked at her goldeen to dive. I watched her little goldeen disappear beneath the waves and prayed that Pride's thunderbolt had the power required to saturate the pool.

Oh, well. Maybe Pride will manage to get past that Goldeen on his own after all.

A bolt of lightning erupted from my nidorino's horn. It split and forked into a half dozen spears that dove eagerly into the water. The surface of the pool broke as Misty's goldeen rocketed over the field in a desperate play to avoid the lightning.

The bolt ended as soon as it began. Pride shook off the stray voltage running along his spines and looked up fearfully as the goldeen plummeted towards him.

Pride: “*Wait! I didn’t sign up for thi-!*”
1339880437929082990.webp


"Parry the horn!" I shouted, praying that Pride understood enough to follow the order.

I… wasn’t aware that Goldeen was trying Horn Drill (or whatever that is) there. It might make sense to add a brief mention of Goldeen aiming its horn while falling earlier on.

He lifted his head, aiming his horn at the goldeen. But Misty had trained her little fish well. The water type bent and twisted, angling her horn so that it deftly avoided Pride's clumsy attempt to stop her.

The horn gouged a deep red line down the side of Pride's face. My nido bellowed in pain and anger as Misty's goldeen dug in and used the leverage to catapult herself back into one of the streams that divided the beach.

Once again:

648432318599397376.webp


I grimaced as the easy victory I'd envisioned slipped away. Pride was going to have to work for it.

Bruh, you realize that the moment she sends her Starmie out, your entire team is just boned, right?

"Get ready," I shouted. "charge another bolt!"

Lightning raced down Pride's spines. He pawed at the sandy ground and snorted, glancing nervously over his shoulder at the river behind him.

Misty lifted her whistle, blowing a trio of short blasts. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what the wordless command meant.

Misty: “It means go ahead and warm up the bullpen for that next Pokémon of yours, novice.”
916605806961623090.webp


Movement in front of him drew my nido's attention. The river splashed and Pride loosed his bolt as the goldeen launched out of the stream.

She smacked her tail into the side of my nido, tearing a network of gashes in her beautiful fin. [ ] The goldeen catapulted herself back into the stream behind Pride.

We had barely a moment before Misty blew her whistle again and the goldeen launched back into the air, leading with her horn.

I think that it probably would’ve made sense to have a bit more of a transition between Goldeen tearing herself up smacking around Pride and her yeeting herself back into the water, since something about this transition feels very abrupt right now.

"Double kick!" I shouted.

Pride reared onto his front legs and slammed his hind feet into the fish's face. It sailed back towards the stream, bouncing twice and slipping back into the water.

Misty whistled another trio of blasts, in a different cadence than before. The water went calm. I scanned the trio of streams, waiting for Misty's goldeen to make herself known.

That actually makes me wonder just how common “secret battling language that outsiders don’t know about” is used as a battling tactic in this setting, since it’s sure working wonders for Misty against Marcus here at the moment.

Pride glanced back at me in worry and I nodded in calm assurance. He'd taken a few hits, but he could handle this goldeen.

Marcus, I just want to reiterate that you’re tempting all the fate right about now considering how often you keep telling yourself that Pride can handle a Goldeen while he’s clearly getting progressively beaten down.

"Get ready," I warned. "She'll try to gore you again."

As I finished the last word, the water type burst from the wave pool. She sprang high into the air, arcing down towards Pride and leading with her horn. Pride tried to turn, raising his horn in a late attempt to parry the horn attack.

Small typo there.

Pride: “*Wait, late attempt to parry the horn attack?*”
909223973412290560.webp


This time, the goldeen's horn struck true. It sank deep into Pride's shoulder and the water type stuck. Pride roared in pain but I knew that the round was done.

He shook wildly, bucking off the water type. She bounced into the sand and flapped wildly in an attempt to right herself.

Pride stalked towards the downed fish, another storm of lightning rippling along his body. He was growling low and angry.

I dunno, that doesn’t seem really ‘done’ there, just saying. Even if at this rate, Pride’s likely going to be walking funny for a while after this.

Misty already had her ball up, returning the goldeen before any real damage could be done. The crowd erupted in raucous applause and I felt it in my chest.

… Wait, so did Pride actually use Thunderbolt there? Did Misty just read the writing on the wall and forfeit? Or…?

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT! CHALLENGER WRIGHT HAS CRUSHED OUR LEADER'S GOLDEEN WITH A THUNDEROUS ELECTRIC MOVE!" The crowd was roaring, Gemma's shriek loud and clear over the din. "THIS NIDORINO HAS TAKEN DOWN TWO OF MISTY'S POKEMON, CAN IT KEEP GOING?"

From how much of a chapter there is left to go through here, color me skeptical about that. Though I’ll admit, I was expecting Pride to do a lot worse in this battle up to this point.

I nervously bounced back and forth on the balls of my feet. This had all just been an elaborate show. I'd learned something in my research. Misty had a preference for the dramatic finish. She liked to let trainers whittle down her pokemon just so she could crush them emphatically with her starmie. She was an entertainer through and through, and her battle style showed that beautifully.

Kinda makes me wonder how those ‘lead’ Pokémon of hers feel about that given that they’re more or less being expressly trained as cannon fodder before Starmie swims out and saves the day.

Misty dropped the whistle back to her chest. She wouldn't need it with her starmie's psychic telepathy. She raised her last ball. We both knew what was coming. She smirked at me from across the field and tossed her ball in the air.

The starmie that had kept me up for the past week spun through the air with ease. It stopped short of landing, the arena humming with psychic power. The starmie let out two low, threatening tones and I vaguely heard the crowd roar with delight in response.

Marcus + Pride:
laughter-worried.gif


My arm went up with Pride's ball and he disappeared with a flash of red light. A thirty second timer appeared on the screen. I didn't need it. I knew what my choices were. I knew what my only real choice was. Curie couldn't fight this battle.

Oh, so Marcus isn’t going to try the baby antics again. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to do that either with how rough and tumble the last two fights had been.

"WHATS THIS? THE CHALLENGER IS BURNING ONE OF HIS SUBSTITUTIONS!"

"Luna!" I tossed her ball and she appeared with a prance. She tossed her head to the roof and let out a pitchy howl. Her tails flared and she planted her paws in the soft, damp sand. "Let's finish strong."

I can already see Misty doing her best impression of Bender across the battlefield at the moment. Though wait, how many substitutions does Marcus get for each of these battles? Since I’m not sure if it’s ever been explicitly communicated before.

Misty cocked her head to the side, smirking at me with supreme confidence. As far as she knew, I had played my only trump card with Pride's thunderbolt. I had shown my hand and ensured her victory. How wrong she was.

Er… yeah, unless you took the time to level up Luna considerably, I think Misty’s confidence here is pretty well-founded considering how Starmie basically outclasses her in every base stat. :copyka2:

"Ready to watch your vulpix get washed away?" she spat in derision. "That was a nice trick, but there's no overpowering this water type master!"

I smirked back with the confidence of someone who knew he still had a few tricks to play. "We'll see who's the one that's all washed up!" I looked down at Luna and met her fiery eyes. "Agility!"

And suddenly, for no reason at all, the Gym speakers started blaring EDM at 130 BPM.

Luna rocketed off as I finished the command, appearing as little more than a rusty tan blur as she streaked across the sandy field.

The starmie rose into the air, putting itself out of physical range. It let out a powerful tone and I felt reality bend to its will.

"Faster!" I shouted. "Another agility!"

Um… Starmie can’t learn any moves along the lines of Haze, right? ^^;

Desperation crept back in. One hit would be all it needed. One blow and Luna would be vulnerable to a follow up that would put her out of commission.

Luna redoubled her efforts as an unseen force slammed into the sandy beach behind her. A plume of sand kicked into the air and I realized that Misty was not kidding around. She would pummel Luna into the ground to prove that I hadn't actually earned my Boulder badge.

Just saying, if you could burn her Starmie and somehow stall through things without dying long enough, you could win this match by default.

"On the offensive!" I roared. "Just like we practiced!"

Luna stopped for half a heartbeat, green light swirling in her jaws. She loosed spat up the energy ball and leapt away. Another telekinetic slam pounded the sand where Luna had been standing.

The energy ball tore through the starmie's limbs. One of the sea star's limbs crashed lifeless to the sand as two more hung on by the barest threads of tissue. It shrieked a shrill, pained tone as it dove for the water.

Once again:

62091b973466048abe99b6c4fe09108c.jpg


Though that makes me wonder what Gym battles with Pokémon that can’t just casually regrow their limbs are like. Since if this is what the second battle of an average Gym Challenge is like… .-.

"Again!" I shouted. "Before it gets underwater."

Luna surged forward. Green light began to leak from her mouth, giving her tan blur a green streak. She skidded to a halt at the shoreline and let the growing ball of green energy loose.

It sheared into the starmie's bloodied legs again as it fled. Blood sprayed again as it disappeared into the surf, leaving a pair of limbs behind.

Just a reminder that this is technically off-spec if you’re modeling Staryu and Starmie off of starfish. Though Gym Challenges in this setting are officially something else if nobody in the crowd’s so much as batting an eye at blood spraying all over the battlefield sand like this. Though I suppose that’s only to be expected given that the Pokémon in this setting clearly are cut from the “force of nature” mold akin to The Sun Soul.

I frowned. We hadn't beaten it. Not even close. We hadn't even dealt it any lasting damage since it could just regenerate those limbs for the next bout. All we'd managed to do was annoy it.

The wave pool began to stir and I felt my heart skip a beat. Now we were well and truly at a disadvantage. Our opponent had found her way into her own terrain. Now we would face the wrath of the sea.

Time for a Surf? Since this sure sounds like it’s time for a Surf.

"Luna, another agility!"

My vulpix took off in a blur as the starmie burst from the cresting wave. The severed limbs had regrown and its gem was shining with psychic light. I felt the roar of the crowd in my chest and I knew it was hopeless. Luna was beyond fast, but there was nowhere to run.

Starmie:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBURLdhmmZ8

Luna: “*You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?*” >_>;

Luna barrelled inland with a roaring surge of water at her back. The furious starmie soared high above the wave, jets of water forming up on each side of it. Luna skidded and scrambled away from the first jet, but the second struck true. It hit my vulpix on her flank, sending her stumbling. She tried to keep moving, but she'd lost too much speed to stay in front of the tidal wave.

And let’s check in on how Luna’s doing right now:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Yw5jkAHgME


I was at a loss, but my starter had better ideas. She turned on a dime, her body glowing with psychic enhancement. The wave bore down, starmie blaring with a psychic tone. Luna dashed across the water faster than my eyes could follow. A spray of water kicked up in her wake, the only visual cue where she had gone.

how-are-you-not-dead-how-are-you-alive.gif


Though well-played, Luna.

My vulpix leapt up above the storm of water, moving faster than I could see. Green light erupted from her jaw, a series of energy balls screaming down onto Misty's starmie.

The wave crashed down onto the shore, pounding the beach into a frothy mess. I lost sight of Luna as she fell towards the surf and felt my heart beat inside my chest. We had dealt a devastating blow, but I doubted that the match had been decided yet.

I mean, there were two pages of content left in this chapter when I’d gotten to this point, so one way or another, this match is going to wind up ending soon.

The surf receded and I spotted Luna, sopping wet and covered in sand, but still stubbornly conscious. The starmie was unfocused, concentrating on the enormous amounts of water surging back into the pool.

Luna looked up at me, an expression of complete and utter displeasure on her vulpine face. She was sopping wet, something that I'd only witnessed once when she fell into the pond near my farm.

So Luna’s never gotten rained on while Marcus has gone around in the field. Though I suppose that she’d just dive back into her Pokéball in situations like those.

The starmie let out an angry tone and spun back from the water. It closed on Luna as she struggled to her feet, terrible psychic noise building as its gem began to glow.

I had moments, not enough for Luna to fire off an energy ball. She was spent, her chest heaving in utter exhaustion. She couldn't run. She couldn't fight. She could only watch as the battered starmie toyed with the final moments of her battle.

I mean, you could always just withdraw her from ba-

"Confuse Ray!" I ordered, silently praying that she had the strength to give Pride a ghost of a chance. It wasn't much, but it was all I had.

… Or you could do that. That works, too.

Luna's eyes glowed as she flared her tails. A trio of eerie lights twisted forth as the starmie loosed a devastating psybeam. It pummelled into my vulpix, finally knocking my starter out of the battle.

I raised my ball, defeat setting in. Luna had been my only real hope. She had been my only counter to Misty's terrifying sea star. Curie was just a baby. Pride didn't have the speed and agility to contest the match, let alone try to run out the clock. We were completely and utterly done. All that was left was to play out the match.

Just saying, you should’ve tried to inflict that burn, bro.

"CHALLENGER WRIGHT'S VULPIX IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT! MISTY'S ACE TURNS THE BATTLE ON ITS HEAD YET AGAIN FOLKS. CAN HE TURN THIS AROUND, OR IS THIS CHALLENGER FINALLY SUNK?"

I raised Pride's ball as my heart sank into my stomach. He appeared on the field, his head held high. He growled at the starmie and I felt my own pride swell at my newest team member. I stiffened my spine in response. If he was going to face his fate with defiance then I would too.

He’s going to manage to pull a rabbit out of his hat, isn’t he?

"Pride, horn attack!"

The starmie spun towards him, wobbling almost imperceptibly. My eyes widened. Luna had done it. The confuse ray had landed. We had our ghost of a chance.

Yuuuuuuuup. Even if the truly impressive ending would be Curie managing to save the day via chip damaging some infinitesimally small sliver of Starmie’s health.

Pride charged without fear, his horn lowered in anticipation. The starmie blared another tone and built the same terrible noise as before. I swore as it let loose a powerful psybeam. It went wide, the starmie's aim compromised in its confusion. Pride closed the gap in a bound, burying his horn up to the base in one of the starmie's limbs.

Whelp, you asked for a miracle, Marcus, and there you go.

It shrieked in pain, recoiling instantly. It spun, using its telekinesis to catapult Pride away as oozing purple goop leaked from the wound. It shook violently as it levitated away and I saw our opening. It was hurt. The poison likely would interfere with its regenerative abilities, at least until it could purge itself. We had our ghost of a chance.

You said the underlined already verbatim a couple paragraphs ago. I would suggest something more along the lines of “Even if just barely, our ghost of a chance was getting more and more real” to build off of the “slim hope” from earlier.

Pride landed on his feet, skidding to a halt and growling angrily. He lowered his horn, seeming to know exactly what my next command would be.

"Thunderbolt!" I shouted to the heavens.

Pride was already beginning the charge, electricity jumping along his spines. I heard the noise in the arena fizzle and die as my nidorino primed the finishing blow.

Misty's starmie rocketed forward, abandoning its long range abilities. The confusion had compromised its aim and it couldn't be sure of a knockout. It spun as it closed and I clenched my fists. It was close, so close.

inb4 double knockout in this match

A bolt of lightning erupted from Pride's horn. It jumped through the air, impaling the starmie's central jewel before arcing again into a dozen forks that drove into the sandy ground. It was over as soon as it began, but the damage had been done.

The roar of psychic power faded and the starmie crashed into the sand. It remained motionless for a long moment, its gem dark and silent. The crowd was silent. I was silent. Misty was silent. The the silence popped and the crowd erupted with noise.

"LEADER MISTY HAS BEEN DEFEATED. THE CHALLENGER HAS EARNED THE CASCADE BADGE!"

Small duplicate word there that could stand to be tidied up. Though wow, Marcus actually pulled it off. I’ll admit that I was fully expecting Marcus to flame out at a couple points.

The roar of the crowd was the sweetest noise a guy could ever have asked for. I raised my fist, savouring the applause that was meant for us. Pewter had been a private victory, but this was a proud statement to the world. Marcus Wright had arrived on the League stage.

I looked down at Pride. His eyes met mine and I knew that we would be champions together. Together, we could do anything.

Marcus + Pride:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY

Luna: “*Hey, can you do that after you get me healed?*” @.@

"The first field test of the Project Catalyst prototypes will begin within the week."

The short man scowled in disapproval. "I see," he said. "What results are we expecting from this? We know the device isn't ready."

"Yes, but this test will provide us will real world data. Archer has been demanding it for months, and he wants a test not located in some super remote location."

Oh, hello, Team Rocket. I was starting to wonder when you would join the chat.

He frowned in response. "I'll see what I can manage. Civilian casualties must be kept to a minimum," the shorter man replied. "And what of Silph? We must have their prototype, else all this is for naught."

The tall man smirked. "The director outright refused my latest offer. Perhaps it is time to begin applying more than cursory pressure?"

Oh, so this is how Journey’s analogue to the Silph Co. takeover happens, huh?

The short man nodded. "I loathe direct confrontation, but it seems we are left with few choices. If the director will not yield the ball then we will take it."

Yuuuuuuup.

"Then the war for our future begins in earnest," the tall man replied. "There is no retreat from this. Our foe will make itself known and begin real opposition."

Can’t tell if this is going to be Mewtwo or Arceus considering the events of Legends: Sinjoh.

"It is what we prepared for." The shorter man sighed. "Pray that Kanto is ready for the storm."

The tall man nodded. "Then I shall alert the necessary operatives. Silph will be placed under siege until we possess what is rightly ours."

Oh, well I suppose that’s one way to tell that Marcus is going to bumble into Saffron City sometime in the very near future.

Pokedex entry #121: Starmie

This peaceful creature lives on the ocean floor. Despite their formidable psychic abilities, this creature is relatively docile. Their diet consists of microscopic plankton and algae. When threatened, starmie have been known to tear off their own limbs and leave them for the attacker.

Many divers have reported that when gathered in large numbers, starmie will synchronize their gems to pulsate in time with the rest of the swarm. it is unknown what the purpose for this is, but theories range from outlandish ideas like interstellar communication to a much simpler mating display.

bender-futurama.gif


I like how this also directly correlated to behavior we were seeing Misty’s Starmie exhibit in battle. Nice touch there.

Novice Trainer KT#07996101, current roster

Luna, Vulpix

Curie, Happiny

Pride, Nidorino

And the team grows. Wonder how long it’ll take for Marcus to get a full team of six.

Alright, made it to the end. That was certainly quite the ride. Once again, the battle choreography was top notch, and you did a really good job at selling a sense of suspense and tension throughout the chapter that made it hard to predict where things would wind up going while still having the outcomes feel satisfying. I also felt that by and large that the worldbuilding you showed off, while definitely deep on the gritty end of the spectrum, seemed to come together fairly well and feel quite internally consistent. So good job on that as well.

In terms of weaknesses, there were a few points here and there where I saw some flubs with spelling or duplicate / missing words that are probably worth stepping through to remove. There were also a couple of points in the battle with Misty that felt like they were missing a bit of extra detail that made it a bit hard to follow what happened (the moment where Pride drops Misty’s Goldeen comes to mind). There were also a couple worldbuilding deets like the Staryu/Starmie blood that I didn’t quite see eye-to-eye on, but that’s easily dismissable with “my story, my rules”, especially since it was used to great effect to establish the overall tone and stakes of a Gym battle in this setting.

Glad to finally be poking my head back into this story again, @Joshthewriter . It’s been an embarrassingly long time, but thus far, this has been a pretty solid introductory arc to your story, and I’ll be looking forward to where you take things from here as Marcus’ journey progressively goes off the rails towards some of the wilder stuff I’ve heard that lies ahead down the pipe.
 
Death of Duty, Chapter 32: Defeat

Joshthewriter

Charizard Fan
Location
Toronto
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. charizard
Journey

Death of Duty

Part 7: Fall of the Pokemon League

Defeat


We need to be better than our primal nature. If we are not? Nature may take its course. — Professor Samuel Oak


Savage growled, a deep and predatory noise that vibrated the loose rubble around us both. His pupils found me, dilated, and refocused on the puny little human who dared to call himself master to a King of the Beasts.

"Savage," I said slowly, gauging how to handle this. My hand found it's way over his ball and I contemplated the idea. It would end the threat right now, but I'd still have to handle Savage at a later point. If there even was a later point. I was going to tame my savage beast of a pokemon. I was a trainer.

I planted my feet and looked the ancient tyrant in his golden brown eyes. "Savage," I said with as much strength as I could muster. "Yield."

He tossed his head back and let loose a primal roar. My bones shook, my teeth rattled, and my knees went weak.

"No," I replied calmly. "I'm the one in charge."

He snorted in reply and lowered his gaze to Acolyte, who stepped in front of me protectively. Artemis landed beside him, appearing at the most opportune moment. Savage growled intently and nodded at me in a vague gesture.

Acolyte shook his head, letting out his own growl of warning. Next to Savage's throaty bellow, it sounded like a mewling baby. Nevertheless, the intent was clear in the way Acolyte hefted his club. Acolyte stood with me.

Violet light enveloped Savage, lifting him suddenly off the ground. My tyrantrum slammed up against the shattered façade of the Silph Tower, roaring in pain. He thrashed wildly, his heavy clawed feet scrabbling uselessly at the ground.

"Trainer Wright," came a cold, musical voice. "return that beast before he hurts someone."

My eyes narrowed as I looked at the Champion. "Lance," I started. "You've got a lot of ner—"

"The tyrantrum," Lance repeated with a coldness that belied his true nature. "Return him now."

I meekly dropped my hand to my belt, eyes glancing to the little girl at Lance's heel. Sabrina's eyes were glowing faintly, no doubt she was the one pinning my pokemon to the building.

Savage disappeared in a flash of red light. I slotted the ball back into my belt, knowing that my tyrantrum would demand a reckoning with me if we survived this. Artemis and Acolyte disappeared into their balls a moment later.

"Lance," I began slowly. I'd looked up to this man, I'd seen him as a perfect heroic protector along with the rest of the region. That carefully cultivated image was shattered along with Kanto's disfigured landscape. He was just a man, flawed like all the rest of us. "You've got a lot to answer for."

He set his jaw and placed his hands on his hips, his trademark cape flowing down from his shoulders and framing his figure "That reckoning comes for us now, Trainer Wright. It is time for all to be laid bare." Lance turned and gestured for the man at his side to come forward. "It is time to face the real foe."

My blood ran cold as I clenched my fists. I found myself wishing that I hadn't abandoned my weapon. "Giovanni," I began coldly. The man that all of Kan-Jo had been hunting for stood implacably at Lance's side, as if he hadn't set the entire damn continent on fire.

Giovanni smirked as his gaze passed over me, seemingly taking pleasure in passing me over for the crowd slowly forming behind me.

I glanced around. Surge was there, Harding, McCulloch and the rest of Zapdos squad at his back. Dozens of weapons trained on Giovanni, the Rangers and the Gym Trainers present forming up into a loose circle around the Champion and the two Gym Leaders at his back. A charizard and pidgeot swooped down, landing heavily as Leaf and the boys dismounted the two pokemon. Janine was there a moment later, slipping off the back of her venomoth and eyeballing me. More and more trainers teleported in by the moment, swelling the crowd behind us into the hundreds.

Surge stepped forward to join me, his weapon trained on Giovanni. "That's enough now, Giovanni. It's over."

"You're right," replied Lance. "this is over. This needless carnage is now over. You are to immediately stand down and prepare for battle with a Legend-Class threat."

Surge's rifle lowered slightly. "I… I…" Surge glanced at me, then back to the Champion. I saw the hesitation in him and I knew that Lance's order would be followed. Surge was a soldier at heart. "Yes, sir." He turned to face the crowd, pointedly ignoring my glare. "Everybody stand down," he ordered.

Lance nodded in satisfaction. "Good," he said, his gaze moving back to the assembled forces. "I leave you to your men. Prepare them for battle. Our foe will be upon us in mere minutes."

I broke from Surge's side and stepped towards Lance and Giovanni. Both men's eyes found me and I knew I had the attention of the crowd. "So all of this was a lie?" I shouted. "All of this destruction, all this death to stop one man, all of it endorsed by you… and for what?"

Lance sighed and waved Giovanni back. He stepped to face me, his cape billowing around him. "Morals are often the first casualty in the war for survival. I would think that a soldier such as—"

"I'm not a soldier," I spat forcefully, waving Surge off as he tried to stop me. "I'm not even a Ranger. Not if it means giving up on what's right."

Lance smirked. "And what is right, Trainer Wright? What would you have me do with the instrument of our destruction mere minutes away?"

I opened my mouth but found no more words of protest. More Trainers were appearing by the second, teleporters working frantically to assemble Indigo's forces in the square. Lance continued with a grim scowl.

"We do the only thing we can," he continued. "We fight against fate or we die. Let the bleeding hearts of the world argue my morality after I have gathered the instruments of our salvation." He smirked again at me and I decided that I really hated Blackthorn's greatest son. "Which I have done. The forces gathered today are here because I willed it so. Your Rangers… the Gym Leaders and their Trainers… my Elites… all of Rocket… all are an extension of my will. All answer to me."

I was frozen to the spot. Silence reigned over the crowd. Lance had admitted it all and it wouldn't change a damn thing. He was the Champion and we were all but pawns in the grand game that he had been playing.

Lorelei appeared beside him, her gaze as cold as ice. A massive, muscled brute that had to be Bruno stood head and shoulders above the group. A withered old crone was there, hunched over her cane and staring at me knowingly.

"This dissent has run its course," Lance continued, knowing that no opposition would dare stand against him now. "Our true enemy is here. It is a creature of hatred, borne from our desperation. We must stand together now if we are to have any hope of survival."

Silence was his answer. It was all the reply he needed. Lance glanced at Surge, then to Giovanni at his right. "Prepare yourselves for battle," he said coldly. "the enemy will show no mercy. Do not show any in return."

He turned away, swishing his cape with him as he returned to conversation with Giovanni and the other Elites. I could hear murmurs behind me, the growing crowd dissatisfied by his grim countenance. None stepped forward though, a foul mood coming over the mass of people.

Surge placed a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to face him. "Not now," he hissed in my ear. "Not here. This isn't the place to do this."

I turned with him, slowly walking back towards the gathered trainers. I scowled at my CO. "We can't just let them—"

He cut me off with a look I'd never seen on him. He was utterly defeated, resignation in his eyes. "We can and we will. We don't win this by fighting amongst ourselves."

"When did Rocket and Giovanni become one of us?"

He shook his head and I saw him grit his teeth. "I don't like it any more than you," he replied harshly. "But we have our orders."

I stopped cold and stared at him. I felt a calm certainty come over me and knew that this was the path I had to walk. "Orders…" I muttered.

He stopped and faced me, seeming to expect something from me. "Is that going to be a problem, Ranger?"

I was quiet. I looked over at Lance and Giovanni. Agatha's eyes locked with mine and she nodded almost imperceptibly. She knew something about my destiny, something about me that I couldn't even place. I was meant for more than orders.

I looked back at Surge and I knew what I had to do. The Champion had treated this all like some sort of game in pitting Kanto against itself. It sickened me, overriding the nascent obedient culture Surge had been trying to instill in me.

"It is a problem," I stated plainly. I had made my choice. I knew what I had to do. "Like it or not, you've been a willing participant in Lance's sick game. We all have." I shook my head. "I'm not going to be a part of it anymore. I can't be. Not if I want to change things."

"Wright—"

"I resign my position on Zapdos squad and among the Rangers." I looked him in the eyes, facing down the living legend. "I wanted to help change things. I wanted to make the world a better place." I shook my head again. "I can't do that as a Ranger. I can't do that while bound to your command. Not if your command is that of Lance's."

My CO simply looked at me with a wide grin. "I accept your resignation," he began, pride welling up in his voice. "On behalf of Zapdos squad, I thank you for your service."

I couldn't help the look of surprise that came to my face. I had expected anger or surprise, not beaming pride.

"You came to me, just a desperate kid, in way over your head. Hell, I still think you're in over your head, but you've risen to every challenge that's been put in front of you." He nodded to me. "You've gone as far as I can take you. It's up to you to take the next step."

I snapped into a salute, letting my look of surprise fade into a determined expression. "It's been an honour, sir."

He returned the salute. "The honour was all mine, Trainer Wright." He lowered his arms to his side and frowned. "Do me one favour?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"This is gonna be a shitstorm like nothing I've ever seen." He glanced over his shoulder at the Champion and his Elites. "Don't get yourself killed here. I know that's a lot to ask in a fight like this, but if things look bleak and it doesn't look like we're gonna pull out a win, then I want you to stay down. You can't change things if you're dead."

"I can't promise that," I replied.

Surge shrugged, but I saw the concern on his face. "You wouldn't be you if you could." He gestured at Oak, Janine and the boys. "Tend to your Trainers. We're going to need all of you if we have a shot at winning this."

I nodded as Janine approached us. "Thank you, sir."

He gestured over his shoulder. "I should get back to my men," he said. His gaze found Janine. "Take care of him, Lady Anzu."

She nodded in response, grabbing my hand. "I plan to."

Surge turned and made his way towards Harding and the rest of Zapdos Squad. My former CO didn't look back.

"Did you really just quit?" Janine asked with a surprised grin. "You left the Rangers?"

I nodded grimly. "I had to. Someone has to change things."

"I know you did," she replied calmly. She put her arms around me and for a moment I just enjoyed the contact. "You were never just a soldier. You're more."

I turned, breaking the contact with her. "I won't be anything if we can't make it through this fight alive."

Agatha's warning was fresh in my mind. Someone was going to pay for my life. I couldn't have it be her. "Just… promise me something."

"Anything,"

"Don't die. Please."

She smirked with earned confidence. "That's not going to happen."

I slowly nodded as we walked back towards Oak and the others. It wasn't a promise, but it was the best I was going to get from her. She was a fighter, probably even more so than I was. She would never make a promise that might keep her out of the fight.

"Luna and Curie are alright. Neither of them were seriously hurt at all," she said. "Two is bringing them down as quick as he can."

We stopped in front of Oak. I grimly nodded, trying to formulate some sort of plan. Elias appeared from the crowd, nodding at me from behind the boys. A half dozen Silph Trainers were at his back, waiting for my lead.

A flash of light erupted behind me, accompanied by a sudden pop of teleportation. Will and Karen appeared from the ether, joining my slowly growing group.

"Marcus," Oak began. "the cyborg got away."

"That doesn't matter anymore," I replied. I looked away from Oak, meeting the gaze of both Red and Blue. "We have a much bigger problem."

"Mewtwo," Oak intoned. He glanced over at the Champion and then back to me. "Lance means to use us all as cannon fodder. The trainers are a distraction meant to provide him an opening."

I nodded. "And we're going to prove ourselves as more than just fodder." I looked around at the group. "We're going to stop this. We're going to fight."

Leaf shot me a harsh glance from behind Red. She looked hurt, as though I'd suggested some terribly cruel course of action.

Oak scowled. "How do you plan on doing that?" he asked. "Mewtwo survived an explosion that wiped an island off the map. As far as we know, it's indestructible."

I shrugged. "It's still just a pokemon." I glanced around, trying madly to formulate some sort of plan. "We know what type it is, we know what it's weak to." I grimaced. Simple type advantage wasn't going to be enough. We needed more. We needed to level the playing field.

"And we know that Giovanni plans to capture it," said a new voice. Gemma emerged from the crowd, another small group of trainers in tow. She looked fine, dirt and dust notwithstanding. "He retrieved the prototype Master Ball from the Silph Board just before the shield went up."

Luna and Curie stepped out from behind the group of trainers. Two hovered another half-step behind them. I felt my heartbeat relax slightly as relief washed over me. My team was safe. They stepped in behind me, hardly missing a step.

I nodded, mind still racing despite the small measure of relief that gave me. "Then his plan is likely to hit it with the ball after it has exhausted itself against the rest of us." I scowled as I considered it. Giovanni would kill us all with his plan. Even if it worked, we were little more than a distraction. "He still wants to capture this thing and use it. That's his endgame."

"So," Janine started, deferring to me. "What's the plan?"

I looked around. Everyone was looking to me. Every trainer, prodigies like Red and Blue, living legends like Professor Oak, hardened mercenaries like Will and Karen, and the veteran Silph trainers like Elias and Gemma all were looking to me.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart. Then I made the plan. "None of us are a match for it. I doubt that even Lance and the Elites are. We don't win this by going head to head." I gestured around at the devastated square. "We win this by fighting dirty. We draw it into the square and hit it from every angle with everything we have."

"What if that isn't enough?" asked Blue, loud enough for the crowd to hear. More people were crowding around us, listening to the forming plan. "You said it yourself, we can't fight it conventionally."

"Use the cover that the square and all the buildings give us," I replied. "You hit it with your best shot and then get the hell out of the way before it can retaliate." I looked around at the crowd. Attentive faces were hanging on my every word. "Don't be a hero. Don't throw your life away thinking that your bravery makes you invincible. That's what Lance wants." I shook my head. "We win this by surviving and letting the big guns do the heavy lifting."

I looked around at them all. There were a lot of scared faces looking back at me. "This is going to be a fight like no other," I continued. "one that a lot of people aren't going to walk away from. I'm scared too, but I know one thing." More and more people were looking to me. "This battle will decide the fate of Indigo. Which means that we will not lose. We will not lose because we cannot afford to lose."

"What if I'm just a novice?" shouted a trainer from the crowd.

I frowned. There was the wrench in our defense plans. I knew the League would be pulling in every trainer it could right now. There were a lot of people here woefully inexperienced for a fight like this. "Stay back and support those of us who can fight. Move wounded off the field, use status attacks, anything but directly fight this thing."

I looked out at the crowd. They all looked back at me. Red, Blue and Leaf. Elias and the Kalosian woman. Oak and Ash. Janine. I swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. Maybe I wasn't a Ranger anymore. But I could still be a leader, I could still make a difference. All these people were looking to me for strength. Strength that I'd earned through bloody sacrifice. I could be something more.

"The world will remember this day," I boomed with the most commanding voice I could muster. "They will remember the people here as heroes who fought against impossible odds." I thrust a fist into the air and watched as my salute was returned by the crowd. "For Indigo!"

The crowd erupted with a muted war cry. I stood there for a long moment, just watching the crowd. The cry grew until it was deafening, more and more people joining in. The mood lifted suddenly as the crowd fed off itself. Then I lowered my arm and the moment ended. I watched the crowd slowly fan out, Trainers taking up positions among the rubble and bombed out buildings.

Janine approached me, Oak and the others a step behind her.

"I have one last play to make," I said. "Time to bring in the big guns." I pulled back my left sleeve, exposing the thin blue marking that wrapped around my wrist. "Hopefully it's enough to tip the balance in our favour."

Oak nodded, approving of my mad plan. "Articuno," he said proudly.

I nodded. "It promised to aid me in return for driving Rocket off of the Seafoam Islands." I looked over at Leaf with a knowing smile. "Just like Zapdos promised to aid you."

Leaf's eyes went wide. All trace of her earlier disgust was replaced by surprise. Almost like she hadn't even thought of the idea. "So we call them," she replied.

"If there was ever a time to call for help…" I trailed off.

My mind flitted to Riley. He'd been marked by Moltres. I had no clue where he'd gone after we'd parted ways in Sevii, but I hoped he was somewhere in the crowd and thinking the same thing I was. Three Trainers had been marked, three Trainers had been promised aid. Hopefully it would be enough. It would have to be.

I looked around the small group gathered around me. Inspiration struck and I knew that this battle was the key to Giovanni's endgame. Whatever his plan was for Kanto, this was the point upon which it hinged. If we didn't win here, we needed to be ready for what came next. We needed to be proactive.

"I have a plan," I said. "A plan to change the League from within, to deal with the circumstances that led us here properly." My eyes met every single one of them. "And we'll need everyone here to pull it off."

"That's a bit ambitious at the moment," retorted Karen with a curt glare. "Why don't we just focus on—"

"No," I interjected, putting more force into my voice than I had before. "this is too damn important. Giovanni is about to wipe the board clear for him, using Mewtwo to do his dirty work for him." I looked around at them all. "The people in this group are some of the strongest Trainers outside of the Elites. We have the power to force our own change. We just have to survive this battle. We need to be alive so we're still on the board after this battle." I sighed heavily, knowing that was not guaranteed. "I know that's a lot to ask, but—"

"I'm in," Red said suddenly. I saw his breath quicken and knew he was quashing the same fear I was. "whatever the plan is, the League needs to change." He gestured at the crowd behind him. "Too many people are going to die today, win or lose. I say that we change things so this doesn't happen again." He knew what I was getting at. He knew what he was meant for.

Leaf's hand found Red's and I saw the two tighten their grip on each other. She didn't say a word. She didn't have to.

"It'll be difficult," Janine said. "Even as a Leader, I barely even have any influence over League politics."

"I never said that it would be easy," I continued. "But it needs to be done." I pointed at the crowd. "For the people who can't do it themselves. For everyone who has to live under this gods forsaken system."

Oak nodded to himself. "We're with you, Marcus. All of us." He looked at me grimly. "For the mistakes I've made… for the promises that I've broken…"

"For Saffron," said Gemma, breaking into the conversation. "and the people hiding in their homes."

"For the ones who can't stand up for themselves," said Leaf. "for the Trainers about to face something beyond anything they could imagine."

"For Clothos," said Blue in a solemn voice. "for Pride, for Free."

"For mom," Red added, his voice barely more than a whisper. Leaf squeezed his hand tighter and he looked up at me. "and everyone else we've lost."

Ash finally stepped forward from his place beside Oak. "This is how you win," he said with no small amount of pride in his voice. "By coming together. In my world… I was the last one left fighting for good. But here… you all have each other. You can lean on each other for strength. You can win this together."

"Then let's fight," I said. I looked around at my friends and allies. Determined faces looked back at me. The die was cast. We were in this now until the bitter end. "Together."


I pressed myself up against her, taking comfort in the contact. Janine pressed back into me. I didn't know how long we had until Mewtwo made its way through the city, but I would take the moment of comfort while it lasted.

In truth, we hadn't needed to come up here to call to the God of Snow. I likely could have done so from the ground. But a moment of peace alongside Janine, a moment to breathe away from the carnage below, had seemed right when any moment could be our last.

Janine turned her head to look at me, seated behind her on Shimmer's back. The massive venomoth was the smoothest flight I'd ever experienced. I almost envied Janine, riding on Artemis' back was an exhausting endeavour compared to this.

"I see Lance and the Elites," she said. "Top of Silph Tower."

I nodded. "They're staying above the fighting until we've committed against Mewtwo."

"Cowards," Janine remarked coldly. "They should be leading the trainers on the ground."

"More trainers teleporting in," I said as a group of five appeared on the roof. Another group of five appeared a half moment later, one of them instantly recognizable as the most powerful trainer on the planet. "The Grand Champion is here."

Janine whipped around to look. "Damn," she said. "They're calling in everyone. Looks like Alder and the Unovan Elites as well."

She turned to look at me again. "Whatever you're gonna do, you better do it now. We don't know how long we have."

I nodded. I pulled back the sleeve and stared intently at the icy blue marking on my wrist. "Articuno," I started, praying that the reclusive god was listening. "You promised to aid me in an hour of need. This is that hour. We need you. We need the might of a god on our side."

I felt the presence of an unknowable mind brush up against mine. It was cold. It was distant. But it was unmistakably there. It enveloped me completely, Janine and the burning city simply fading away as if they no longer existed.

'Marcus-Trainer,' said a cold wind on my neck

I sucked in a breath sharply. The mind of the god was a turbulent storm, a force of nature that was bound to no man. I felt a chill creep into my bones and felt the gods displeasure thrum in the cold.

'You call for my aid against the product of humanity's hubris.'

"I do," I replied quickly. I centred myself in the moment, holding onto what little of reality I could still sense. Janine's hand squeezed my own, grounding me in the reality of the moment. "We can't win this fight, not without help. Not without a god or two of our own."

'Humanity's problems are theirs to solve. We are not your guardians, nor your executioners. We simply exist among the balance of nature.'

"You promised to help me when I called!" I felt the god's mind echo with disapproval. "I'm calling you now. This creature… it won't stop at just humanity. It is a destroyer, built to combat those like yourself."

'And you believe that it would continue its warpath against my kin?'

"It is an apex predator, learning its place among the natural order. Once it has supplanted humanity, it will move on to test its strength against you and your kin." I squeezed Janine's hand tighter, desperate to avoid becoming lost within the contact with a god. "You talk of balance… this creature exists to uproot the balance of nature. It will not rest until it has found a new world order, one with it atop the ashes of the old."

I felt Articuno's presence retreat for a moment. Janine looked at me with some measure of hope as my vision returned to me. I shook my head slightly. Another long moment went by in silence.

"Please, Articuno," I continued. I was desperate now, pleading with the ancient deity. "I need your help. We need your help. We can't do this without you."

The snow god's presence came roaring back. I felt my mind dwarfed by the contact and tried to retreat from the pokemon. My thoughts became muddled until there was only the ethereal voice of the being I'd called to.

'We three have marked humans in the past. Long have we been protectors of nature's balance. Long have we called upon our marked to be our voice and our influence among your world. We have been called, for the first time in eons, we have been called. Three champions have called for the aid promised to them, three champions of three gods.'

Articuno paused for a moment, seemingly conscious of its overwhelming presence in my head. I felt it retreat slightly and my thoughts became clearer.

'My kin and I will come, Marcus-Trainer. We will meet your destroyer in battle and protect the balance of this world. Know that your words tipped the balance of our decision in your favour. Humanity is in debt to you for your actions today.'

I sighed audibly as Articuno's vast presence retreated from my mind. My body sagged as exhaustion washed over me and I steadied myself on Janine.

"Well?" she asked.

"It's going to help us," I started. "They're coming."

"They?" she said in confusion.

"All three," I replied, exhaustion seeping into my voice. My gut ached, a twinge of pain remaining where Artemis had impaled me. "The Storm Raptors. Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres."

She paused for a moment. I felt the somber demeanour in her as she looked down at the burning city. "Saffron will surely suffer today."

I steadied myself on her. "The city can be rebuilt. As long as we survive this."

"Will we?" she asked carefully. She turned to look over her shoulder at me. "Marcus… Rocket was one thing… they were just human… this, Mewtwo…"

I clenched my jaw. "I know." She hadn't been a part of my meeting with Blaine. She didn't know what I knew. She didn't know about Ash, or Lance's real involvement with Mewtwo, or what Mewtwo even was. Hell, I hadn't even had time to tell her why I'd just resigned from Zapdos squad, or what had happened with Agatha in that mirror world.

"We don't have the time to go over everything right now, I know." She shook her head slowly. "But I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't know what to do." She looked back to me. "I'm not used to that, you know?"

I nodded. My hand found hers on Shimmer's side. "I am too," I admitted. "We're about to fight an indestructible god with three more gods of our own." I took a deep breath. The idea was haunting. "People are going to get hurt. A lot of them." I offered her a weak smile. "But we'll be alright. We're together. That's what matters."

I hugged her then, holding her as tight as I could. Janine pressed back into me and the whole world seemed to just melt away. It was just us, suspended beneath the canopy of smoke.

I pulled back slightly, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. The board had been set. The die had been cast. All that remained was the battle. All that remained was the final stages of the game.

"Take us down," I said quietly.

We swooped silently down towards the plaza. Shimmer deposited us in front of Oak and the boys, disappearing into her ball a moment later.

"It's done," I said solemnly. "The birds are with us."

He nodded back at me. "Then we have a chance."

I put on a brave face, one that I knew Oak could see right through. "A puncher's chance, but that is all we'll have." I paused for a moment, looking around the square. Most of the trainers had gone to ground, taking up positions in cover and arraying their pokemon alongside them. "Is everyone ready?" I knew the answer. There was no way in hell we were ready for this.

Leaf answered me. "I actually have an idea that might help."

I turned to her, raising an eyebrow. "Something to give us an advantage?"

She frowned and hesitated. "Not… exactly. But it might be a way out of this fight."

"Leaf," Red started. "you can't—"

"I think… I remember Mewtwo. From before Papa and I moved to Lavender..." She trailed off but she had this look on her face like she wanted to say more. "I… I think it was my friend."

That got everyone's attention. Leaf looked suddenly nervous with all the sudden attention.

"So what?" Blue asked. "You gonna ask it nicely to not kill us all?"

Silence was his answer. Blue looked at Leaf incredulously, then to Oak, then to Red, then to me.

"That's insane," Blue continued. "the murder machine isn't gonna stop its rampage because you were its friend once upon a time."

"It might," I said suddenly. My gears were turning, plans and courses of action playing out in my head. "It's a good idea. The best one we've had yet." I shrugged. "We know for certain that force hasn't worked up to this point. Why not try reason?"

"Marcus," Oak interjected with some force. "Mewtwo isn't capable of being reasoned with."

"But how do we know that?" I replied. "It wouldn't reason with any of the scientists on the project. But why would it have any reason to?" I shook my head and gestured towards Leaf. "She says she had a positive relationship with this thing. That's enough to make success a possibility, which was explicitly not the case a minute ago."

I turned towards Leaf. "Do you think that you can get Mewtwo to listen to you? Maybe point it towards Lance and Giovanni, or get it to just leave?"

She looked back at me with a hard stare. "I don't know," she said quietly. "It was a long time ago… I don't know."

"Are you willing to try talking to it?" I asked. I caught the withering glare from Red, but the boy remained silent. "Ask it to leave. Nicely. Before this turns into a massacre."

"It already is a massacre." Oak interjected again. "We have to fight. We have to—"

I spun my head towards the professor. "Look around us, Oak! Mewtwo didn't start this fight. We did. Humanity did. We did this to ourselves." I shook my head. "You wanted a way out of this mess. Here it is."

It was quiet for a moment. Oak didn't reply, didn't even look back at me. He just stared blankly into the smoke and dust.

"I'll do it," Leaf said, her voice small among the noise present in the plaza. "I'll talk to him."

"What if Mewtwo doesn't listen to her?" Red asked quietly. He met my eyes, almost pleading with me for some answer that didn't put Leaf into danger. "What then?"

I scowled. "If it comes to that…" I knew what he was asking me. He wanted to know what happened if Mewtwo simply killed Leaf the moment she started talking. "Then we fight."

He scowled down at the ground, his eyes hard. Leaf's hand found his and squeezed.

"Spread the word around," I ordered, looking towards Blue and Janine. "We need to give this a chance. We wait for Mewtwo to strike first. We wait for Leaf to plead our case."

Blue and Janine nodded, disappearing into the plaza in different directions. Oak didn't move, still staring blankly into the smoke as Red and Leaf quietly embraced each other. Ash for his part stood in silence beside Oak, a somewhat amused expression on his face.

"It won't work," Oak murmured as I sidled up to him. "It's here because of the Master Ball. It's here because humanity found a way to threaten it. It's here to eliminate the threat."

"Give her a chance to prove that the people here aren't the threat," I said, scanning the smoke for movement. "Give her a chance to make a difference."

He sighed heavily. "I fear that even with that chance…" He trailed off and sighed again. "Lance and Giovanni have controlled everything to this point. They've run the board, they've set the pieces, they've… they've…" He trailed off again, lost for words.

"They're in your head," I said in a matter of fact tone. "They've been there for years."

Oak looked down at the ground crestfallen. "They've been in my head since I found the boys in the wreckage of my son's home." He looked over at Ash, then at me. "Years of hell…"

"All led to this moment," Ash said quietly. He turned to face Oak and put a hand on the old man's shoulder. "The Oak that I knew… he believed in me. These kids need the same. They need you to believe that they can pull off the impossible."

"Belief…" Oak murmured. "Is that enough?"

"It is. It has to be," Ash replied. He lifted his hat and attempted to brush back the wild tangle of jet black hair. He placed the hat back down on his head, apparently satisfied with his hair. I couldn't see a difference. "If my story isn't over…" He looked over at me. "Then this isn't the end of theirs."

I opened my mouth to say something, but a flicker of movement in the smoke drew my gaze. A bubble of clear air floated into view. The figure within raised an arm and all at once, the smoke and dust billowing into the sky seemed to grow still.

Then the figure moved again and I got my first glimpse of Mewtwo. It was smaller than I'd expected, probably even a little bit shorter than me. I couldn't tell from across the plaza. A long tail swished behind the humanoid body, its limbs skinny and atrophied. A long tube of flesh sprouted from the back of its elongated skull and connected to a point just above the base of its tail.

I could feel an angry presence in my head. It brushed aside my thoughts, rooting me to the spot and blocking out any coherent lines of thinking. I found myself looking up at the tower with Giovanni and Lance on my mind. My fists clenched. I'd make them pay for this farce. I'd—

A tap on my shoulder drew my attention back to my surroundings. Janine was pressing something into my hand, something cold, hard and sharp. I felt the anger lessen suddenly, fading into a dull roar in the back of my mind. I looked down at the black metal trinket.

"It's called a sharp charm. I brought a spare in case I lost mine," she said with a hint of frustration in her voice. "It'll protect your mind from psychics." She sounded tense and her body was held so stiffly I could see her shaking. "It usually works better than this."

"It's Mewtwo," Leaf said. She seemed unaffected by the pressure in our heads. "He's angry." She scowled and took a step towards the creature. "He's so angry."

I glanced over, watching her continue towards Mewtwo. I could hear the crowd growing restless. No doubt the rest of the trainers were feeling the same effect I'd been just a moment ago. I could still feel it in the back of my mind, a dull roar that served to cloud my thoughts.

"Go quickly," I urged. Leaf turned her head to look at me. "Talk him down. You think it'll work, then it'll work." I glanced around at the rest of our group. Red and Blue seemed similarly unaffected, but Oak was shaking on the spot with Ash looking on with concern. "Go," I said again. "We'll give you as much time as you need."

She nodded back at me and then broke eye contact. She walked towards the living weapon with no trace of fear in her step.

"I don't like this," Red said, eyes following her. "I really don't like this Marcus."

I crossed the small distance to stand at his side. "I'm not in love with it either, kid. But we really don't have a better plan, do we?"

He shook his head. "No." The scowl on his face said it all. He wore the frustration plainly, his clenched fists and furrowed brow telling me exactly what he thought of the plan. "She can do it," he said

Mewtwo moved, turning its head to look at Leaf. The creature floated over to her, then turned its head very deliberately to look at our little group.

"It… it's… it's right—"

A scuffle behind me tore my attention away from Leaf and the clone. Ash had Oak's hand caught in a vice grip, the old professor grunting and trying to get free.

"Control yourself, Profess—"

Oak's other fist cracked against Ash's face. Blood spurted from his nose and the raven haired boy went down in a flurry of curses.

Blue was closest. He hit Oak from the side with a flying tackle, but he was too late. Flare unfurled her wings and let out a deafening roar tinged with unusual fury.

My head snapped back to Mewtwo and Leaf as I felt the anger in my head fade. It was replaced by a solemn sadness.

Leaf was speaking faster now, becoming more animated in an attempt to keep Mewtwo's attention on her. She placed a hand on Mewtwo's shoulder and I felt the sadness shift into disappointment.

We'd failed. I knew it in that moment. We'd invalidated any of Leaf's arguments. We hadn't given her the time she'd needed. I opened my mouth to call her back.

Mewtwo moved again, placing its hand over Leaf's. The two disappeared with a heavy pop and it felt as though an immense pressure lifted from my mind.

"Where did they go?" Red exclaimed. "Where is she?"

My mind kicked into gear, immediately preparing for the worst. Mewtwo had been taken Leaf. Mewtwo had been friends with Leaf. Mewtwo was only getting her off the field so she didn't get hurt. Which meant that Mewtwo would be back.

"It's coming back," I said confidently. "everybody get ready!"

My hands dropped to my belt, releasing my team minus Savage. The rest of our group took their cue, other trainers in the crowd following suit in turn. We all stood there in quiet terror for a long few moments, eyes scanning the eerily floating clouds of dust.

Then it was back, reappearing where it had disappeared with a heavy pop. It gazed out at our hastily formed army, all the trainers and soldiers deployed against it.

'I'm sorry.'

Those two words were all the warning we got. Mewtwo waved its arms and the ground simply folded onto itself. Walls of earth and stone were thrown up and collapsed onto portions of the plaza, crushing swathes of our defense in an instant.

Red's espeon lit up like a morning sun, blasting away the curtain of concrete indiscriminately. Oak and Blue's alakazam joined Red's psychic in clearing the rest of the falling rubble. From what I could tell, some of the trainers in the plaza had reacted the same. Too few to mean much of anything in this fight.

Our psychics pulsed, flinging the remaining airborne rubble back into Mewtwo. The creature deflected our return barrage into the ground, kicking up a plume of dust that it dispelled with a thought.

We moved as one, Red and Blue charging ahead in the lead. Our pokemon followed us without needing orders. Janine and I flanked to one side as Oak took the other. More trainers were taking that as a signal to mount their own attacks.

It wasn't enough. I could see that. Our ranged fire was a fraction of what it was before Mewtwo's opening attack, with countless trainers dead or buried amongst the rubble. Those that were left were either the smarter and stronger trainers, or either very lucky. Even if the ones left were the stronger among us, there was very little we could hope to do.

Mewtwo waved its arms again and the ground rippled beneath my feet. I felt myself tumble into open air and flip end over end. I landed hard on a panel of light and I was vaguely aware of Two chattering in my ear.

I slid off the panel and hit the rough hewn ground, collapsing as my left knee crumpled. I sucked in a breath and forced myself back up as I finally heard what Two's voice was saying.

"Marcus-Trainer, Curie is down."

My blood went cold. The fight was already lost, that much was clear. I glanced over, trying to find the group. I couldn't see them in the gloom, couldn't see Janine. I couldn't even see where Mewtwo was in the dust kicked up by his attacks.

"Take me to her," I ordered. If the others were alive, they'd have to tend to themselves. This wasn't a winnable fight. Mewtwo had proven that in short order.

Two chirped and gestured for me to follow. We rounded a mound of rubble and my heart practically stopped. Curie was trapped by the debris, her lower half crushed beneath the mound. Blood was flowing out onto the ground beneath her, a growing puddle signifying worse injuries that I couldn't see.

I dropped to my knees. I didn't have any healing items. I didn't have anything that would help her.

"She will survive in her ball," Two began with the same analytical tone as always. "So long as you are able to get her medical care promptly."

I raised Curie's ball and returned her, praying that she would be alright. My hand placed her ball back on my belt and then curled into a fist.

A deafening crack came from behind me to interrupt my train of thought, followed by a thunderous impact. Indignant anger welled up within me, not all of it mine. That was fine. I was pissed. I wanted to fight. I didn't mind being angry for that.

I whirled around, looking at Two. "Where is it?" I asked.

"50 meters to your left," he replied immediately.

"Rest of the team?"

"Unknown."

I nodded. My hand found the three balls still on my belt. Two of them would be useless until Agatha made her play. The third would be useless until I could get him under control... My hands relaxed slightly. I didn't need to control Savage. I just needed to point him in the right direction

My feet pounded the ground as I charged in the direction Two had indicated. The eerie silence was gone, replaced by countless cries of anguish. I passed by countless trainers working frantically to free others from the rubble, ignoring all of them.

Mewtwo rose from a cloud of dust, deflecting a bolt of lightning into the base of Silph Tower. It lashed out, decimating the pair of trainers unlucky enough to be in it's immediate vicinity. Mewtwo lifted a hand, a swirling ball of shadows growing within.

A jet of flame torched the lower half of Mewtwo's body. It retaliated, flinging the shadow ball at the unseen attacker.

"Light screen!" I shouted over the roar of Mewtwo's quarry.

Mewtwo flared with violet light, more shadow balls forming in a helix around it. Two raised a panel of light in front of the magmortar that had torched Mewtwo. The barrier held up to the first two shadow balls, but winked out as the rest of the barrage struck home and bisected the magmortar.

A scizor buzzed towards Mewtwo, pincers outstretched. Mewtwo grabbed it with its telekinesis and slammed it down onto the magmortar's corpse. The bug buzzed angrily, trying to rise as Mewtwo peeled off its carapace.

Mewtwo reeled suddenly as a ball of white hot lightning slammed into its side. It spun and abandoned the scizor as the second half of the attack struck home.

Oak and his team hit Mewtwo as it turned, each of his pokemon unloading everything they had. Lightning and fire washed over it. Ice speared into its torso. Reality screamed and warped under the assault and the indignant anger in my head spiked.

A bubble of energy rippled off of Mewtwo, completely blunting Oak's assault. It waved an arm and the bubble expanded violently.

Two slammed a barrier down in front of us a fraction before the bubble hit us. I ducked behind my porygon, scanning the battlefield to see who was still standing. Oak was still up, his alakazam weathering the storm with both spoons raised. Janine was absent, along with Red and Blue.

The bubble popped and Two dropped the barrier. Mewtwo rounded on Oak, the professor's alakazam panting heavily. He raised an arm and a shadow ball swirled into existence.

Another ball of white hot lightning hit Mewtwo from the side again, and this time I saw the little pikachu within. It retreated as Mewtwo lashed out with a telekinetic slam that pulverized the surrounding area. Blue followed up the opening Red had created, his arcanine charging from a different direction.

Mewtwo spun, meeting the arcanine with a wave of its arm. The fire type slammed into the front of Silph Tower, bowling over a charging nidoking. Both pokemon lay deathly still in the billowing dust.

Red's pikachu was back, hitting Mewtwo again from an oblique angle and knocking it off balance again. Another flash of light grew into a huge furry form, already rearing back to strike.

Another wave of Mewtwo's arm sent the snorlax crashing through our rapidly organizing forces. It bounced twice and came to a rest somewhere out of view. Mewtwo spun and sent another wave of rubble crashing out with a vague wave of his arm again.

Two slammed another barrier down just in time, deflecting rubble away before it could wash me away. I lost Oak and the boys in the chaos and held tight to Two. It subsided a moment later and Two dropped the barrier.

Karen was there this time, her houndoom leaping at Mewtwo. An umbreon was a half step behind the houndoom, a murkrow flapping just above them. Mewtwo tried to retaliate with the psychic bubble again, but Karen and her team smashed through it unmolested.

Will followed her through the opening in the bubble she had made, his pokemon arraying behind him. They spread out as Karen charged, violet light rippling through the air between them.

Karen's team hit Mewtwo harder than anything I'd seen yet. They tore into it, fangs, claws and beak ripping chunks out of the creature. It tried to strike back, flailing wildly with enough psychic power to level everything around. Will's team managed to blunt enough of Mewtwo's tantrum that it couldn't do much more than knock a few of us off balance.

Mewtwo spun, tearing the houndoom off of itself with a spray of blood. It gazed around at Karen and her team, hesitating for a half a breath before moving. It rose off the ground a fraction and slammed back down. Mewtwo disappeared into the ground and for a long moment there was quiet save for the settling of debris. Then Mewtwo tore back upwards in a tremendous spray of rubble.

Two and I went flying as the ground bucked and threw me skyward. I lost Karen and Will in the chaos, finding and then losing Red and Blue a moment later. I hit a barrier and stopped cold as the breath was forced from my lungs. Two and I slid off and I hit the ground hard once again.

I tried to rise, my already aching knee completely failing me. I hit the ground hard and tried to draw a breath. My chest was aching and each attempt to breathe only caused more sharp pangs every time.

Someone grabbed my arm, hauling me to my feet. Elias made sure I was steady before letting me stand on my own. He stood a half step away from me, panting hard. A scizor, armoured carapace riddled with dents and leaking sticky ichor, swayed on its feet a few paces away. An electivire. I realized belatedly that the magmortar had been his.

"Too strong," he croaked. His voice was hoarse and ragged. Whether from the anguish of losing a pokemon or the strain of breathing through the dust and smoke, I couldn't say. "Can't kill it."

"Don't have to," I said, my voice similarly ragged. "just occupy its attention." We just needed to give the birds time to show. We just needed to hold Mewtwo here until they arrived.

He nodded grimly. He knew what that meant. So did I. Wordlessly, we turned and charged back towards Mewtwo.

I paid no mind to the carnage we sprinted past. I didn't have the luxury of time to waste. Anyone still up that wasn't fighting, was running. Anyone not up was likely dead or dying. Janine crossed my mind with that thought, but I shoved it down. No time to spare any focus for that at the moment. No time to spare the aching in my knee a thought.

Mewtwo loomed in the darkness, flashes of lightning and flame illuminating the scene every few seconds. A little yellow blur was darting through a storm of shadow balls and telekinetic blasts. A larger beige blur darted around the periphery of the battle, firing off orbs of green energy and streams of flame.

Luna.

I breathed in sharply. She was alive. I changed direction as Elias charged straight ahead, circling around to get around Mewtwo. His scizor hit Mewtwo from the side, savaging the creature's ribcage. Blood flowed freely as Mewtwo hesitated for the second time. It was only a half a moment of indecision, but I saw it. We'd hurt it.

Mewtwo erupted with the psychic bubble again, throwing Elias' scizor into the chaos. I saw him go flying as the bubble hit him before Two slammed a barrier down just in front of Luna and I.

"Same strategy," I said hoarsely. "keep pushing."

Luna nodded and Two chirped. My starter brushed against me, offering a moment's solace in this nightmare. Then the barrier dropped.

Luna rocketed off, already moving faster than I could follow. I could see Red's pikachu moving too, wreathing itself in blue lightning.

Mewtwo repeated the same attack, throwing up the same glowing bubble as before. Two slammed a barrier down in front of me, but there was nothing more he could do. Luna and the pikachu were sent careening away, Red disappearing back into the chaos.

My hand found the last ball on my belt. I lifted it and pitched it, praying that my tyrantrum wouldn't hold to a grudge at a moment like this. He appeared in a flash of red light and stretched to his full height with a deafening roar. He locked eyes on Mewtwo and I knew that he saw the true threat.

It was in that moment that I truly saw my newest pokemon for the first time. For Luna, it was me and the family we'd built. For Acolyte, it was what he had to protect. For Savage? It was being the strongest, bar none.

"Savage," I croaked as loudly as I could. He glanced back at me and I saw his predatory glare fall on me. "Kill."

He turned back to Mewtwo and I saw it click for him. Mewtwo was the target. Mewtwo was the strongest. He leapt into action. Savage pounded towards Mewtwo, jaws outstretched.

Mewtwo didn't hesitate. It simply lifted an arm and stopped Savage in his tracks. The world went quiet and I heard Savage whimper in pain. Then Mewtwo spiked him into the ground, half burying him in the ground with the force of the impact.

Things went quiet, Mewtwo carefully and curiously taking in the scene. I had a solemn realization that I was the last one standing.

A mottled purple gash was torn across the sky. Mewtwo gazed up as the realization hit me. My hands dropped to my belt, resting on the two battered balls secured there. This was Agatha's play. The Elites were coming now. Lance was coming now.

I tapped both of the weathered balls. Pride materialized first, forming from a stream of purple miasma rather than digitized light. Vector coalesced a moment later. They both turned to face me, standing between Mewtwo and myself.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. So much guilt welled up. I'd let them both down. I'd gotten them both killed. "I'm so sorry."

They drifted closer to me, not walking so much as sliding over the ground. Pride placed one of his paws against my chest and gently shoved.

I stumbled backwards and tripped, falling onto my ass. I looked up at them dumbfounded. Pride shook his head, Vector mirroring him. Two chirped and whistled an inquiry at them. Pride replied with a curt growl.

"They do not want you to fight," Two translated. "You will die. Mewtwo is too powerful."

I looked up at my pokemon, my resolve fading. All that had happened and they were here to protect me from an impossible fight. Fate seemed to have a sick sense of humour. I'd gotten them both killed and still, they were here in the same circumstances that had gotten them killed.

My eyes settled on Mewtwo. He was gently probing the rift in the sky. Movement beyond that, from the top of Silph Tower drew my attention. I'd done what had been asked of me. I'd fought. I'd inspired our gathered forces to fight. For all the good it had done, we'd proven Mewtwo could be hurt.

I'd done enough. For once, I was at peace with that. There'd been nothing held back, no tricks, no gambits, nothing. I'd filled the role I'd been given, played my part with everything I had.

I looked up at Pride and Vector. "I'll stay down," I said. There was nothing else I could do. Luna was gone in the chaos, Acolyte had disappeared after the first encounter with Mewtwo, the same as Artemis. Savage hadn't even been able to touch it. "For what comes after."

Pride nodded solemnly. I wondered for a long moment how much he knew of what Agatha had seen in me. She had said my destiny lay beyond this catastrophe. She had known something about the future, something about the role I'd play.

A deafening roar announced Lance and the Elites' attack. The rift screamed in thousands of discordant voices as tendrils of shadow reached from the other side.

Two pulled up a series of barriers over my head, clouding my view of the battle. I turned to him.

"We must leave the field," Two suggested. "If we are to survive."

I lifted Savage's ball. He was still buried, but I wasn't about to leave him. "Then let's move," I said. "Before we aren't able to run."

Two chirped in agreement. He dropped the barriers and I ran as hard as I could.


Pokédex entry #233 — Porygon-2

An update to the initial Porygon platform by Silph Co, the 2.0 update is closer to programmer William Sonezaki's original plans than the 1.0 version. After the initial 1.0 version was rushed out to production, William Sonezaki left Silph. Only one Porygon 2.0 is known to exist, in the care of an Indigo Ranger, after being updated during a moment of crisis.

Processing power is more than double the original, allowing for the formation of a learning algorithm as well as an evolving morality matrix. Porygon 2.0 is far closer to the traditional idea of an artificial intelligence, capable of adapting and learning with every encounter.



Intermediate Trainer KT#07996101

Trainer, Marcus Wright, current team:

Luna, Ninetales

Artemis, Aerodactyl

Two, Porygon-2

Curie, Chansey

Savage, Tyrantrum



Hey everyone! I'm back with an update, for both the story and my current situation.

Originally, this chapter would have covered the entire Mewtwo battle… As you can see, I had to cut it off. I was hitting 15-16k and I wasn't done yet. On top of that, Marcus got his ass handed to him and it stretched the realm of believability to have him still up and fighting after this point.

So, I've cut that bit out and repurposed the actual fighting into another interlude chapter like Janine's POV as well as dole out some more background info from Lance's perspective.

Now, in terms of me? I'm doing well! Mental health support is well regarded in Canada and I'm receiving the help I needed. Thanks everyone for sticking with me during this difficult time!
 
Death of Duty, Chapter 33: Deicide

Joshthewriter

Charizard Fan
Location
Toronto
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. charizard
Journey

Death of Duty

Part 7: Fall of the Pokemon League

Deicide


We attempted to create the most powerful Pokemon in existence… We succeeded. — Ichiro Fuji


I stood at the roof's edge, gazing down at the plaza below. More trainers were still teleporting in, hundreds by the minute. I clenched a fist and attempted to centre myself before the chaos began. Too many would be dead by the day's end. It was a tragic, but ultimately necessary sacrifice to ensure the future of humanity.

"Lance," Giovanni said. The taller man, still clad in a tailored suit, joined me at the edge. He nodded with the modicum of respect that was expected of my position. At least he still offered the expected deference.

The Viridian Gym Leader had a habit of squirming out of tough situations. He'd done so with Mewtwo. He'd done so with the mess with Silver in Kalos. He'd done so with Rocket. It set me on edge when every battle these days seemed to exact a heavy toll on all except for him.

"Giovanni," I grumbled in reply. I offered nothing else, just a curt side glance that he wouldn't be able to glean anything from. No sense in tipping him off that I was aware of his eventual betrayal.

We stood in silence for a moment, watching a pair of trainers rise atop a venomoth. They banked away from the tower, giving me and my Elites a wide berth. "The moment comes," I said slowly. I was aware of his machinations behind the scenes. I knew he would betray me for his own goals when the moment presented itself. "The culmination of everything we've worked towards since you let Mewtwo escape."

Giovanni sighed. "I suppose you will not see reason, then?"

"We destroy the abomination," I replied with the hint of a feral growl behind my voice. "It is too dangerous to be allowed to exist."

The Viridian Leader remained stoic. He'd been pushing me to reconsider destruction of the Master Ball after capture. This was likely the nature of his betrayal. He would never allow an asset like Mewtwo to be thrown away needlessly. Not when control was still a possibility, however thin.

He nodded. "I understand, Champion." He stepped back, returning to his place beside Sabrina.

It wasn't more than a minute before the first group arrived. Alder and his Elites, flanked by a pair of Saffron psychics and their kadabra. The two gym trainers disappeared a moment later, no doubt off to collect more of the foreign Leagues.

Adler grinned and wrapped me in a crushing hug, nearly lifting me off the ground. He dropped the hug and stepped back to survey us. "Some mess you lot made for yourselves. Something about a rampaging psychic?"

I straightened my cloak, shifting to adjust my cloak. "I would prefer to wait until everyone arrives," I said, trying not to let my frustration show. Alder's boisterous demeanour grated on the sensibilities Blackthorn had drilled into me. "So as to not repeat myself needlessly."

Alder frowned, but restrained himself from replying. He rejoined his companions and the rooftop returned to silence.

Seven more trainers arrived moments later, arrayed in a circle around a floating metallic bell. Each wore flowing robes, coloured to reference the types they specialized in. The bronzong disappeared into a ball on Elite Lucian's hand and the group turned to us.

Then she stepped out from her group, clad in flowing black robes trimmed with gold. She seemed to softly glow in the gloom, her pale skin the colour of the moon.

"Lance," said the Grand Champion, her tone calm and measured. "Perhaps an explanation is in order." Cynthia Shirona crossed her arms, scowling intently at me.

The two Saffron gym trainers with the Sinnohvan delegation disappeared again a moment later. I had little hope that they'd garner any more support. Diantha and Kalos were still refusing collaboration between Leagues after the incident with Silver on the Riviére. Hoenn was still a smoking ruin. Paldea and Galar were simply too far for even Saffron's teleporters to bring in a timely manner. This was all the support we were likely to get.

I cleared my throat and stiffened my posture. "I thank you all for coming on such short notice. As you may have surmised, we have a situation unfolding that threatens everyone."

"One of your own making," Cynthia interjected.

I nodded slowly. "Let me start from the beginning." I gestured towards Giovanni, a small attempt to deflect some of the blame. "Leader Giovanni and I revived an abandoned project with the intention of creating a countermeasure for the increasingly dangerous threat of hostile legends." I motioned him forwards, allowing Giovanni to explain.

He stepped forward. "The creature is a hybridized clone of Mew, spliced with human genetic material."

I shot him a glance. That was a poorly veiled attempt to disguise what he had done. My stomach turned as I shifted the blame from Giovanni to myself. I'd ordered him to do whatever was necessary. It was ultimately on me more so than it was him.

"We'd hoped that by creating a hybrid of sorts, the creature would be stable and compliant, whereas our previous attempts created unstable and unruly subjects."

Alder snorted. "Clearly that didn't happen."

Giovanni nodded grimly. "The creature surpassed all of our our wildest estimates. It was obscenely powerful. We had, for all intents and purposes, succeeded in creating our countermeasure."

Cynthia looked out at the ruined city. "Some success," she remarked.

"Our failure was born from a place of human weakness," Giovanni continued with a scowl. "The creature discovered the breadth of our experimentation. To put it simply, it snapped due to the stress."

"I can't help but notice the vague explanation of said experiments," Cynthia said. "Should I expect them to be as inhumane and unethical as they seem?"

Giovanni remained silent. Cynthia glanced over at me for an answer. I nodded slowly. We'd done horrible things to create the object of our destruction. We'd sacrificed thousands of children, replaced them with shoddy clones so that their families were none the wiser. We'd used them up like nothing more than a resource, feeding them to the experiment in ever greater numbers.

"We forsook our humanity for this," I said solemnly. The guilt weighed on me, pressing down atop all the other responsibilities that rest on my shoulders. "This destruction is the penance exacted for that hubris."

The rooftop was silent for a long moment. I had no doubt that the two other champions were levying their judgement in my direction.

"What's the plan?" Adler asked, breaking the silence. "How do we win this?"

I stepped forward, ignoring Giovanni's pointed stare as I produced the Master Ball from the folds of my cloak. "We have arrayed our forces to delay it as much as possible. Rangers… Leaders… Trainers… Army… They'll do what they can to damage the creature and we will hit it once that battle is concluded."

I saw Alder and Cynthia's scowls. Their elites mirrored their expressions.

"Are we expecting the forces below to be effective?" Alder asked carefully.

I shook my head. "Minimally," I replied as I returned the ball to my cloak. "There are some elements of the defense that may be more effective than others, but they will serve as little more than an attempt to exhaust the creature's strength."

"How many?" Cynthia asked.

I hesitated. I didn't want to answer that. I had hardly wanted to know the answer myself. Too many people who relied on me were dead, dying, or soon would be.

"How many?" she repeated.

"Two to four thousand trainers depending on how quickly they responded to the League alert," I began. "Fourteen of the sixteen Indigo Gym Leaders. There were an estimated fifteen thousand KNA troops within the city at the beginning of the battle, but casualties thus far have been heavy and with comms as they are, there is no way to know how many are still active."

A disquieting murmur spread across the rooftop. I knew why. Damn near twenty thousand people were being used as cannon fodder. Not to mention the civilians cowering in the ruins. Saffron was the largest city in Kanto with nearly two million people packed within the walls. I had no doubt that casualties would stretch into the hundreds of thousands with the state of the city.

"So…" one of Alder's Elites began, a woman with long black hair and deep purple robes that marked her as the ghost specialist. "Are we not talking about the fact that the city is a warzone?"

Alder turned as if to quiet her, but turned back to look at me. "I'm curious as well," he added. "Kanto hasn't seen war in nearly fifty years, since before Oak was Champion. I'd love to know what's actually wrong, considering that there ain't much of Saffron left untouched. You aren't telling us everything."

"True," I replied, reticent to expand on that. "My region is undergoing some unrest at the moment and—"

"That's putting things lightly," Cynthia interjected, cutting me off. Her cold glare told me that I'd hear more about this later if we both survived. "However, it can wait until the threat is dealt with."

I nodded. "Thank you, Grand Champion." I turned back to look at Alder, glaring daggers into the uncouth Unovan. "If there are no more—"

"Lance!"

I swung my head towards the interruption, scowling. It was Sabrina. The young Saffron gym leader was perched on the edge of the roof, looking down into the gloom.

"It is here."

The scowl on my face deepened. "Then we are out of time." I turned to face the gathered group. We were the strongest trainers in the world, Elites and Champions from three separate regions. If this didn't work… I let the thought die. It would not do to dwell on that possibility.

"Our plan is to hit the creature as hard as we can. It is a psychic type. Any ghost, bug or dark types among our teams will be of utmost importance." I raised the Master Ball again. "I will hold at range with the ball. Once we have weakened it, I will attempt to capture the creature."

"What happens after?" Cynthia asked.

I caught the pointed glare that Giovanni shot me. I paid it and him no more attention than the cursory glance.

"We destroy the ball with it inside. Ending the threat of this creature is our utmost priority."

Silence reigned over us. The sounds of battle rose from below. It did not sound like it was going well. I turned towards Agatha and nodded. It was time. She disappeared into the floor beneath her, leaving only a shadowy smudge on the rooftop.

Alder sighed heavily and looked around. "Alright, I'll ask the question we're all thinking."

I turned to look at him.

"What happens if the ball doesn't work?"

I remained silent. There was no answer to give. If it didn't work, we were dead. Humanity was dead. If it didn't work… we lost.

Alder shook his head slowly. "Alright… good to know."

Sabrina was peering down over the edge of the roof. Her expression was grim. We were likely out of time. I glanced down alongside her.

Agatha had opened a massive rift in mid-air, purple miasma pouring from the gash in reality. I could already see the forms of ghosts dancing around the edges, beginning to trespass upon the mortal realm. Mewtwo sat just below the rift, gently probing the portal to ascertain what had occurred.

My hand was at my belt, releasing the trio of dragonite that had been with me for years. All three had been companions since before I was even Champion. They roared, loud and proud even as the din of battle below had gone quiet.

A series of flashes around me signified the release of our group's teams. I pulled myself atop the closest dragon, Wrath. He was my starter, so to speak, the first dragon that I'd bonded to. I felt him quiver beneath me, felt the connection between us deepen and immersed myself in the link.

He roared and I felt myself roar along with him. The brothers to each side echoed us, joined by half a dozen other pokemon. Then, with Mewtwo distracted by Agatha's portal, we launched our attack.

Wrath and his brothers separated from the group of pokemon descending from the rooftop. Three pairs of powerful wings flapped to give us some distance from the group as the dragons' maws swirled with vibrant energy.

I knew that there were likely trainers still alive down there. I pushed that thought from my mind. We could not hesitate. Their sacrifice would be remembered.

Wrath and his brothers erupted, the trio of hyper beams burning with enough intensity to light the plaza for a long moment. They were not the only pokemon attacking, but it hardly mattered. More were streaming towards Mewtwo from the ground. A steelix and a gyarados among others.

None of it mattered. Mewtwo erupted with a bubble of psychic light and the world stopped making sense. I clutched to Wrath, feeling him flail wildly beneath me. I was vaguely aware of his brothers fading from the link and knew that they were gone. We had lost, in one fell swoop, in a single attack.

The light faded. Wrath desperately tried to right himself, but the ground was rushing up too quickly and his wings refused to cooperate. We hit the ground with a heavy thud and a pained whine from Wrath. Two more heavy impacts nearby told me that his brothers' bodies had landed as well.

I clambered off my dragon and fell to my knees at his side. His wings were in tatters, the membranes shredded into fleshy bits that clung to the structure of his wings.

"Wrath…" I murmured. My hand fell to his ball. He disappeared in a flash of light. He was alive. He was the only of the three brothers left. War and Fury were gone. I closed my eyes and pressed the lone ball against my forehead. "I'm sorry, my friend."

A presence touched my mind. I knew what it was. There was nothing else it could be. No others were moving to my aid. I was alone. I rose to my feet and turned to face the abomination. My hand went into my cloak and horror filled me. The Master Ball was gone.

'Champion,' it said within my mind. 'Was this destruction worth it?'

"This was you," I replied coldly. An indignant anger filled me. "This was all because of—"

The pressure within my head spiked, pain wracking me down to the core. I shut my eyes, attempting to bring up my mental defences. It didn't work, Mewtwo was simply too powerful.

'This city burned long before I arrived.'

I felt the pain and pressure in my head recede slightly. Enough so that I could open my eyes. The first thing that struck me was the lack of motion. Everything stood still, even the dust and smoke simply floated serenely in the surroundings. It was as if Mewtwo had simply paused it all.

'I will ask again, Champion. Was it worth it?'

I paused. The creature was baiting me. It wanted to talk. I'd give it what it wanted. "It was a necessary travesty," I began. "Devastation awaits us all. I did what was required to prepare humanity. I did what I did to give us a chance at survival."

Mewtwo shook its head slowly. 'You robbed children of their future. You fed your own people to a madman until I emerged from the massacre. Was it worth it?'

I took a breath, steadying myself. It wanted me to justify myself, to give it a reason for the circumstances that had led to its birth. It wanted me to prove myself the monster that I had become. I would not cave. Mewtwo had been borne from hope and desperation, I had to show it that or else all would die. "You were meant to be our saviour," I began, trying to pivot the conversation. Hope filled my voice. "We built you to fight the battles that we could not. We created you because we needed you."

'You needed a monster?' Mewtwo responded with indignation. 'You cut me to pieces and put me back together a thousand times, stitching together people and pokemon until you got something that worked.'

"We needed a god," I replied. The warmth and hope faded from my voice. "Humanity needed a god."

Mewtwo looked at me harshly. 'You got me,' it said. 'A monster, created by monsters.' It raised an arm, a ball of shadowy energy springing to life in its palm.

The remains of the hope died in my chest. I stood in resolute defiance as a strangely cold wind swept through the plaza. Indigo's champion would face this fate with pride and strength. I would not close my eyes.

A cold blue spear impaled Mewtwo at the base of its outstretched arm. It flash froze, the shadow ball dying as quickly as it had formed. The arm snapped off at the base and smashed to the ground, shattering into countless pieces.

Mewtwo turned towards the new threat, the stump of its arm glowing as it regenerated. A shadow ball was already forming in the creature's other palm.

Blue-yellow lightning washed over the creature from the opposite direction, throwing off its aim and practically blinding me. The shadow ball smote the ruined base of the Silph Tower, shearing through a metal beam.

The unmistakable glow of flame cut through the gloom and I saw burning wings pass over me. The unnatural chill vanished in a moment, replaced by heat so oppressive that every breath was a laboured chore.

I sucked in a hot, sooty breath. The Storm Raptors had arrived. Kanto's guardians of nature were here to right the wrong that had been done.

Mewtwo spun, throwing up a psychic shield that blunted most of Moltres' opening attack. The heat and flame still licked at Mewtwo, melting flesh down to the bone.

Another beam of pure ice speared Mewtwo from behind. The psychic barrier popped audibly and Mewtwo stumbled forwards with the frozen spear impaling it through the heart.

All three birds swooped into the square, seemingly sensing weakness in the creature. All three opened up with heavenly fury. I lost Mewtwo in the maelstrom.

There was a heavy pop and Mewtwo reappeared above the trio. Skin and flesh alternated between frozen solid and melted to the bone, the rest of it smouldering and charred while spasms of electricity coursed through Mewtwo's body.

The damage hardly seemed to matter to Mewtwo. A helix of shadow balls appeared around it, plunging downwards towards the three gods.

They never connected. All three of the Raptors pivoted in place, meeting Mewtwo's attack with their own. Explosions rippled through the air and I was finally broken from my trance. I ran for cover.

A thunderous rumble from above tore my attention back to the fight. Zapdos screeched in a piercing tone and the sky opened up. Mewtwo was smote by a bolt from above, the electricity sending it into convulsions as the skeleton within was illuminated.

More fire and ice poured onto Mewtwo from the other birds. Reality warped around the psychic, but even the creature could not stop it all.

Pain and anger spiked in my head. Mewtwo lashed out uncontrollably and I heard the unmistakable groan of a building beginning to fail. Mewtwo reached out with the charred stump of an arm and a loud crack tore through the noise of the birds' assault.

Things seemed to go quiet for a moment. Then Mewtwo swept the charred stump out and the Silph Tower screamed. Half the tower separated from the rest, toppling onto Moltres and smashing into the block of apartments beneath it.

There was a muffled screech before Mewtwo motioned downwards with the stump. The screech suddenly died as Moltres was ground to a bloody pulp beneath the building.

They would not be enough. The Storm Raptors were foes that Mewtwo had been designed to fight and kill. Even together, they wouldn't be enough.

As if to prove my thoughts true, Mewtwo seemed to sense its advantage. It reached out again, ignoring the spear of ice that impaled its gut even as a bolt of lightning wracked the creature's body.

The chunk of Silph rose from where Moltres had been crushed. I saw the pulpy remnant of the god, saw the crushed and mangled feathers. I saw the dead god. Then Mewtwo flung it again.

The other two Raptors were ready for it. Both of them flapped hard, narrowly avoiding the chunk of building as it landed hard several blocks away. I felt the impact shake the city.

Mewtwo rocketed after Zapdos, lifting and flinging another section of the Silph Tower at Articuno to keep the two separated. Zapdos turned to meet Mewtwo in the air, wreathing itself in living blue electricity.

It didn't matter. Mewtwo dove through the maelstrom of lightning, grabbing the god by the neck with its remaining arm. There was a loud crack and Zapdos' head jerked violently to the side. With a wave of the stump, Mewtwo tore half of Zapdos' body away.

The god's separated halves landed with an unceremonious thump. They twitched and sparked erratically, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was dead. Mewtwo had eradicated any hope that might have been had.

Articuno was fleeing now. Cobalt blue wings flapped away through the smoke, still harrying Mewtwo with beams of ice and howling winds. The god killer was unperturbed. It would not be denied its prey.

Mewtwo disappeared into the gloom, only visibly by the blinding violet light it emitted. It closed with the Raptor's silhouette, flashes of light and sound tearing through the smoke.

Articuno hit the earth with a loud crunch, wings snapping and pulverizing under the impact. The snow god didn't move.

Mewtwo floated serenely down towards the square. Its flesh was still smoking, even as it knitted itself back together and replaced its dying body with fresh parts.

'Do you see, Champion?' the creature asked. 'I am what you made me. I am a monument to all of your sins.'

I stepped out from where I had hidden, meeting Mewtwo's gaze with my own. "Do you see?" I asked in return. "This is what we made you for, these are the foes we created you to destroy." I scowled and shook my head. "It was your purpose, to be the destroyer who is also our saviour."

'I choose no purpose but my own,' Mewtwo continued. 'I will—'

A violet swirl interrupted Mewtwo mid-sentence. I followed the light back to the ball. Giovanni simply nodded at me once, not giving anything away with his expression.

I opened my mouth to say something, but the Viridian Gym Leader simply disappeared with the telltale pop of teleportation.

Then it was quiet. I slowly looked around. I was alone. I slowly made my way through the ruined plaza, finding my way to where Articuno had fallen.

The snow god had landed where my dragonite brothers had. All three of the pokemon were dead. All three were broken.

I fell to my knees, the enormity of our defeat sinking in. We had lost. Three Leagues had been defeated. Three gods had been slain. Giovanni had captured Mewtwo.

"We lost…" I muttered. "Gods above… we lost."


Pokedex Entry #150 — Mewtwo [CLASSIFIED ENTRY]

Mewtwo is an experimental creation, fusing together human and Pokemon DNA to create a super weapon intended for combat against hostile Legends.

Most of the information on Mewtwo's capabilities and temperament are the matter of guesswork. Capture or destruction of Mewtwo is considered the highest priority for the Indigo League.



Indigo League Champion — Lance Wataru

Indigo League Champion, current team:

Wrath, Dragonite

Goddess, Dragonair

Guardian, Aerodactyl



Told ya I was back!

As always, hit me with your thoughts in the reviews! See you all soon!
 
Death of Duty, Chapter 34: Resurrection

Joshthewriter

Charizard Fan
Location
Toronto
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. charizard
Journey

Death of Duty

Part 8: Ending and Beginning

Resurrection


The lives of the dead are placed in the memories of the living. — Elite Agatha Kikoku


I picked my way through the rubble, stepping atop a concrete slab with stray bits of rebar jutting out. My left knee twinged with pain and my ribs still ached deeply. I was on the mend, but even with the impromptu healing I'd been given during the battle it was slow going. I still needed to pace myself, lest I push myself too hard and reopen the wounds in my gut.

A long, lonely howl filled the air, echoing through the shattered city. We now shared this city with wild pokemon. More and more, they were migrating into the ruins and establishing dens and nests in the tangled wreckage that Mewtwo had left behind. I didn't see the pokemon that was howling, but I could feel its presence looming over Silph's courtyard.

Two chirped, drawing my attention to a pile of rubble. I hopped down from the slab and crossed the distance, glancing over at the others. None of them had spoken more than a few words since we had left the camp. I didn't even know names, just that one of them had been a Johtan trainer who was stuck in Saffron until he could find a teleporter to get him home.

Acolyte was out in a growing flash of red light, looking around warily. He had been tossed by Mewtwo's opening attack, getting trapped in a collapsing storefront and buried for the better part of a day. I'd found him when I'd gone back to the square after leaving Curie with the Ranger medics. With Oak gone and the boys gone off to find Leaf, there was no way to get him back to Pallet for the cubone yet. I didn't even know if the lab and colony were alright, there hadn't been time to get the details from Oak and the boys during the battle.

I'd found Savage the same day, unconscious and buried in rubble. He was back in his ball, awaiting his own turn in the overburdened Rangers' healing machines. With the destruction that had been wrought, he was far down the priority list. I had no doubt that the loss we had all suffered would be felt heavily by my self-crowned king of beasts.

I gestured down at the rubble between Acolyte and myself. "Two pinged it for us," I said morosely. I glanced at my porygon. "Anyone alive?"

Two's silence was answer enough.

I nodded knowingly. Acolyte didn't need me to elaborate. There had been survivors of Mewtwo's wrath, but they were few and far between.

"Wright!" called one of the others, breaking the private memorial to the person under the rubble beneath me. "Got a visitor!"

I looked up from the ground, finding the source. It was the Johtan. I stopped dead when I saw the young woman running towards me.

She had her arms around me and pulled me into a crushing hug before I could even properly register her presence. "Thank Mew," Sarah said with no small amount of relief. "You aren't dead."

I returned the hug weakly. The reference to Kanto's prankster god unnerved me and left a pit in my gut. "Not for lack of trying," I replied. I pulled back from the hug and she seemed to sense my reticence. "What are you doing here?" I asked, desperate for a change in subject.

"Help for Yucca," she said quietly. "it… it's bad. Half the village is just… gone. Most of the buildings collapsed in the initial shockwave, and the fire that sprung up afterwards claimed everything else."

My face must have betrayed the pain. I saw her face crease with concern. "Your parents are alive," she said quietly. "Everyone else is gone. Most didn't make it… the ones that did just up and left."

"Your folks?" I asked. Her expression gave me all the answer I needed. I reached back out and pulled my oldest friend into a hug. We were both in pain. We both needed support, but she needed a different kind of support than I did. She needed someone to be there for her.

"We need you to come home," she said between sobs. "We all need it." She pulled back and I saw her glance over at Acolyte. "They might not have said it, but they need you." She paused and hesitated. "Yucca needs you."

I nodded slowly. Janine was gone to Fuchsia to organize her city's disaster response. Surge was gone to Vermillion, airlifted out of Saffron for emergency surgery. Oak was dead and the boys were gone off on a hunt to find Leaf. I was alone and adrift, purposeless and directionless for the first time since I had started my journey. My home needed me. My family needed me. I'd left them behind, but I knew that I couldn't walk away now, not anymore.

"I'll come," I said, surprised by how small my voice sounded. "they have all the manpower they'd need here. I'm just… I just… needed some way to help."

She nodded. "I get it." She turned away from me and looked up at the shattered remnant of Silph Tower. Mewtwo had torn it down and used the shattered pieces of building as weapons to crush and kill Moltres and Zapdos. All that was left was a jagged spear reaching for the grey stained sky, barely four stories left. "You were here?" she asked.

Once again, I nodded. She didn't press when I refused to elaborate. I didn't have the words to explain how small the battle had made me feel. I didn't know how to explain how hopeless everything seemed now, with Mewtwo gone and Giovanni waiting for his moment to strike.

"When can you leave?" she asked, shifting focus away from the battle and back to me.

"I just need to pick up a couple of my pokemon from the camp medics," I said. "Curie and Savage were hurt bad enough that I couldn't bring them out with me." I deliberately left out that Savage's pride had been the thing that had been most injured, and that all I knew about my tyrantrum was that he didn't like me. "Everything else…" I trailed off and lifted my pack to show that I had everything else I needed.

"Then we can go?" she asked.

I nodded and turned to my team, recalling them wordlessly. "Let's get out of here."

I stepped through the flaps of the hospital tent and silently dismayed at the chaos. The smell of blood was thick in the air, death's unmistakable stench settling in underneath it. Chaos pressed in from every angle, beeping machines and bustling medics mixing with the pained moans of people and pokemon alike.

My eyes found the Ranger I'd entrusted Curie and Savage to earlier. I pushed the chaos from my mind and pushed my way through the crowded tent. I reached him as he finished attaching a new IV bag to the patient on the makeshift surgical table and glanced over at me.

Wordlessly, he pointed towards the row of healing machines at the back. "Your chansey was pushed down the priority list after she was stabilized," he droned, "her injuries are severe enough that it's not likely she'll make a full recovery, particularly her legs. She'll be lucky if she walks again."

I felt numb at that. Curie was done, essentially no longer a team member. She'd never fight again. I shut that away and closed my eyes for a moment, catching my breath. "The tyrantrum?" I asked as I opened my eyes.

He shook his head. "He hasn't been into the machine yet, priorities shifted." He glanced up from the patient as he affixed a new IV bag. "None of his injuries were half as severe. He should be fine, given some limitations to strenuous activity for a few weeks."

I nodded and thanked him, leaving the Ranger medic to his work. I made my way over to the machines at the back and gave my trainer ID to the attendant. He disappeared into another tent compartment, leaving me alone in the chaos.

"Wright," said a solemn voice. Elias was there, his white hair stained with ash and soot. "wasn't sure you'd made it." He nodded. "Good to see you."

"Glad to see you're alright too," I replied. I turned to face him. His face was tired, and his jacket and pants were torn in several places. It had likely been days since either of us had gotten a chance to rest and recharge. I doubted that I looked better. "Your team?" I asked. I knew his magmortar had never made it off the field, and his scizor had been in bad shape the last I'd seen.

He grimaced and I regretted asking. "Misery disappeared during the battle, shortly after she healed you. Pyro is gone. Scythe… didn't make it either." He shrugged and looked down at the floor. "Everyone else is alive, but we're hurting right now." Elias looked back up at me. "After your tyrantrum went down, we just ran. Found a tunnel to hole up in while everything went to shit." He frowned. "You?"

"Curie took a bad hit. Won't be able to fight again. Artemis dislocated a wing, but she should be ok in a month or so, less if I can get her some kind of healing. Savage is… alright, but I hadn't even had a chance to tame him as a tyrunt yet." I sighed in earned frustration. All of this was just so overwhelming. "I… don't know what I'm going to do."

He nodded, and I got the sense that he was grateful for the distraction from his team. "I don't envy the work ahead of you," he started. "especially with the plan you laid out for the future." He sighed heavily. "Three months is not a significant amount of time to recover and prepare for the next steps."

My shoulders sagged. I'd felt such confidence when I'd made my pitch to make the League better from within. Now, it just felt pointless. "I don't know what's going to happen," I said, and my tone betrayed my lack of confidence. "but we need to be ready."

He nodded once more. "We will be. My team and I will be there when you need us." He held out a hand. "Things need to change, and I trust the novice I met on the beach in Vermillion to lead that change." His face twisted into a weak smile. "He's… he isn't a novice anymore."

I took his outstretched hand and shook it firmly. "Thank you, Elias." I paused. "That means a lot to hear right now."

The medic returned through the flap from the back, a pair of pokeballs in his hands. "Wright!" He called, eyes raking the tent for me. He seemed surprised to find me so close and pressed them into my hands without another word.

I slotted them into place alongside the rest of my team. With a nod to Elias, I turned and headed for the door to the medical tent. Sarah was waiting there, a weary scowl on her face.

All around me, people just looked tired. I was tired. We'd lost and yet… people still kept going despite it. We kept going, even in the face of all the tragedy. We survived.

I knew then that I had to go on. That I would go on, for the people that needed me to. I pressed past a woman in a ratty Indigo News cap as she entered the tent and joined Sarah in the long walk through the devastation to what was left of Yucca.

Three Weeks Later

My hand stayed where it was on my ball belt, nervous anxiety gnawing a pit in my gut. Despite what needed to be done, I was motionless. Luna purred at my side, her snout lifting my hand off the ball it rested on and pulling my attention away from the task before me.

The whole team was at my back. Artemis lazed in the scant heat of the sun, her newly healed wing stretched out over the grass. Acolyte leaned against his club a few paces away, waiting for my order. Two hovered at my shoulder, waiting for me to release the final member of the team who was in fighting shape.

I glanced over at Sarah, who had her own team arrayed behind her. Her growlithe had evolved, along with her pidgeotto. She'd added a sandslash and a politoed, with a young nidorina being prepped for the coming tournament. They were all out and ready, waiting for me to let Savage loose.

"You ready?" I asked again.

She nodded once more.

My hand dropped back to my belt and I lifted the ball. I tapped the release button and hoped with everything I had that I hadn't doomed us all.

Twelve tons of living stone rose. He tested his leg, lifting it and setting it back down. He stretched for the first time since Saffron, for the first time since he'd suffered his first true loss. Once or twice he'd been let out of his ball, but only while sedated and given treatment for his leg.

Savage turned his head slightly and seemed to suddenly realize that our assembled party was there. He froze, his predatory, golden eyes finding and settling on me.

I saw him then, more truly than I'd ever seen any of my pokemon before. He was fury and fire, primal instinct driven by regal might. Still, I looked deeper. I saw fear and confusion. I saw pain and frustration. I saw loss so similar to my own. He had been beaten, worse than he'd thought possible. But he hadn't been broken.

"Savage!" I called, pausing for a moment as he inhaled slowly. He watched me, but made no motion to move on me. "We lost," I said solemnly. I didn't know how much he understood, but the tone would be enough. "we lost and there was nothing we could do about it."

My tyrantrum snorted at that, as if to argue the point. A threatening growl from Artemis stifled his retort as quickly as it began.

"I want us to fix that," I continued. "I want us to be ready for the next battle." I met his eyes, hoping with everything I had that he would understand. "I want us to be ready to kill that thing when it shows its face again."

Savage rumbled his assent and for the second time since he had evolved, my tyrantrum was in agreement with me. Mewtwo had to be killed. Savage's pride would demand that it be him who did the deed. His capacity to do so would be determined by his work as part of my team.

"Fight with us," I commanded. "Fight as part of this family and we will deliver you the victory that you crave." I glanced over at Sarah, who was watching entranced. "Fight with me, and you'll be remembered forever."

I knew then that he understood my words. I'd doubted it before, but as Savage's eyes raked over the team and fell back on me, I knew his answer.

Savage tossed his head back and roared with all his fury, shaking the very ground we stood upon. Artemis joined him a moment later, Luna and Sarah's Arcanine howling along in unison a moment after that.

I nodded, clenching my fists. Less than three months. We had less than three months to prepare. We would be ready when the time came.

One Month Later

I speared the shovel into the pile of loose earth and left it there. Despite the unnatural chill from Kanto's Mewtwo induced winter, I was sweating. I should have been sweating in the mid-summer heat, but with all the crap that had been thrown up into the atmosphere it was much colder than it should have been. Add that to the volcanic winter that Hoenn was currently in the throes of and our world was quickly turning inhospitable. I turned away from the pit I'd been digging and lifted the towel off the last post I'd placed, wiping my brow with it.

I looked back at the row of fence posts. I'd gotten another 8 posts in today and was just about ready to wind down. I'd be done with the fence posts tomorrow if I kept up the same pace. I'd have gotten more done if I let my team help, but I'd kept them busy with training alongside Sarah almost every day since we'd arrived.

Plus, it felt better to do this myself. Pa couldn't help me with his injured leg and everyone else that could have helped had died or left. It helped to keep me from dwelling on what had happened in Saffron anyways. I knew that if I stopped to think about what and who we'd lost, then I'd lose any forward momentum as I shut down in grief. I couldn't afford that, not anymore. Not with what I had planned.

I heard Luna howl mournfully, a lower pitched howl answering her from the destroyed forest a half moment later. I froze. It wasn't the first time that I'd heard that howl. Something was hanging around the farm, probably drawn by the activity. There weren't many settlements that were still active in the area. My mind went to the possibilities, lingering on the idea that a houndoom pack might have moved into the area.

I turned and pushed the idea away, tossing the towel onto the ground, and hefted the last of the posts I'd had Savage drag out for me off the ground. I drove it into the pit and grabbed the shovel again. I poured a few shovels worth of dirt into the hole around the post, then packed it down as hard as I could. I kept at it until the pit around the post had been filled in.

Satisfied with my progress for the day, I shovelled the rest of the loose earth into my wheelbarrow and slowly started making my way back towards the small log hut that Sarah and I had built along with our teams.

I passed through the what was left of Yucca Village with a morose apathy. I hadn't cleared out my family's farm house yet, except to find a few of the valuables that Ma and Pa had sold off to help with the rebuilding process. We'd cleared a few of the other collapsed houses though, and been salvaging the materials to use in rebuilding what we could. Right now, that was just the cabin and the low-set stable for the Pokémon to sleep in, but we'd cleared space for a silo and a barn at one of the berry fields. It wouldn't bear crops until we could clear the debris, but it was the beginning of a return to normalcy. Normalcy was something that was sorely needed these days.

The makeshift graveyard stopped me, just like it always did. I set the wheelbarrow down and approached the grave that I'd dug for Margaret. Sarah and I had dug a dozen more in that first week home, for the residents of the village that hadn't been fortunate enough to be outside when Mewtwo had hit Saffron. At the very least, they could rest forever in the place they'd lived their whole lives.

"Hey sis," I started. "almost done the fence. I'll probably be done the posts tomorrow. Then it's just a matter of actually putting up the boards, once we find a sawmill that can supply us." I paused and shrugged. "Who knows if the soil is still any good, or if the sun's gonna break through the dust clouds, but it'll probably help Pa feel a little better to have the fence back up."

I heard footsteps approaching, but I didn't turn. It was Sarah here to visit her folks. Ma hardly ever left Pa's side anymore, and he couldn't walk on his own at the moment. We four were all that was left of our sleepy little hamlet.

"Curie's still helping Pa with all the eggs she can produce. Won't heal his leg completely, not with the bone having set wrong. At least he should be able to walk again soon enough. Not like the hospitals have room for anybody of our means right now." I sighed hard as my chansey's injury weighed down on me. "Curie's not happy to be excluded from training, but she won't be able to fight anymore. She'll be lucky if she even walks again."

"She'll adjust," Sarah said suddenly as she looked up from the gravestone in front of her. "she already is. Your mum's taken a liking to her and I think she'll warm up to your Pa once he's able to get out of bed and move around. At least then, he won't be such a grump."

I frowned and turned my head to look at her. She looked so different from how I remembered now, so much harder and colder than the warm, friendly girl I'd grown up with. Her hair was cut short and there was hardly a remnant of the soft curves that had once defined her. It reminded me a lot of myself after I'd joined the Rangers and begun training in earnest. Another reminder that training was a hard life. "Still," I began, "it'll be a tough transition."

"It will," she admitted. She turned with me and walked away from her parents' gravestone, back towards the wheelbarrow. "It's gonna be a tough transition for all of us."

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "We live in a world of monsters," she started solemnly. "Now everybody knows that. There's no more ignoring it and acting like everything is fine."

I nodded along. She was right about that much. Public perception of the events in Saffron had mostly focused on the fact that creatures just as powerful as the ones that had levelled half of Hoenn dwelled in Kanto as well. There was no more hiding from potential extinction. The fact that the League was responsible for the creation of this particular monster had been met with surprisingly little outrage, likely due to the fact that most of the upper echelons of the Indigo League were dead along with the entirety of Kan-Jo's civilian government, thanks to Rocket's spiteful attack at Indigo.

Of the existing League power base before Saffron, only Lance remained, and he was a shadow of what he had been. Half his team was dead, along with all of the Elites and a good portion of Indigo's Gym Leaders and their trainers. Indigo had effectively dissolved overnight as a cohesive region. Now, with the Indigo Congress gone, most of the responsibility belonged to the local city governments and the few surviving Gym Leaders that remained. Chaos and anarchy reigned in several cities, Celadon and Saffron chief among them.

"I wanted to talk to you," she said in a hard tone. I braced myself, knowing what she wanted to talk about. "About what happened in Saffron."

I shrugged. "What's there to talk about?" I asked. "The League created a monster. It got loose and we all paid the price."

"There's gotta be more to it than that," she replied. This wasn't the first time she had pressed me on this. She probably knew I was holding something back. "You were there! Hell, you outright said as much when I found you in the relief camp."

"There is more to it," I said, confirming that for her. "But none of it matters now."

Her scowl told me what she thought of that.

I reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Look," I started. "I know it's tough to hear. There's nothing we can do about Mewtwo, or the people responsible for it. There's nothing we can do but train and be ready for the Indigo Conference. We have little over a month, and I think we can be even more prepared.

Her scowl didn't lessen. Nothing I could say would make it better. The people in charge of defending us from monsters had failed. That was something that the survivors had to struggle with. We had to live with the mistakes they'd left us.

The surviving Gym Leaders and their trainers were taking up leadership roles in the absence of Congress, but people were still terrified. Trust in the League was utterly nonexistent. That didn't change that it was the only semblance of order remaining. People were scared and desperate, and they grasped for the barest semblance of order that the new leadership provided. We were devolving towards feudalism in most places, into factional groups that hardly had the means to work together anymore.

"Can we even come back from this?" She asked. I heard the fear in her voice. "How the hell are people supposed to just go on and act like the League is good?"

I drew in a slow breath and gathered my thoughts. I'd been ruminating on that ever since Saffron. "That's why we're training," I started. I left out the part where I was training for a much darker reason. Where I was training to kill the man responsible more than anything else. "We train to replace what we lost with something better."

Her scowl softened slightly. "You sound so… idealistic."

I wasn't. If anything, I had far less confidence and optimism in the plan to change the League from within than I'd had in Saffron. Still, it was the best plan we had. Being honest with myself, it wasn't a plan I was comfortable with anymore, not with the doubts I had in myself and my motivations. But it was all I had.

My shoulders shrugged almost unconsciously. I felt like I was anything but idealistic. She didn't need to know that. "How's your training going?" I asked, desperate to change the subject as we turned to leave the graveyard. I hefted the wheelbarrow and followed her towards the log cabin.

It was her turn to shrug. "They're getting stronger so much faster than I thought they would. Still don't know how well they'll fare in the Conference, but we should at least make a decent showing for a Novice."

That drew a smile out of me. "The benefits of intensive training with stronger trainers. You get stronger that much faster."

She nodded. I felt the tension of our previous topic slipping away as attention turned to our pokemon. "You planning on joining us anytime soon? We could really use you out there. Your team needs you leading and teaching them as well."

It was my turn to nod. "Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "tomorrow's probably the last day of digging the posts. Without any operational sawmills…" I trailed off as Sarah stopped dead. I glanced over and saw who Sarah was looking at. I dropped the wheelbarrow.

Janine approached me cautiously, looking over at Sarah and then back to me. "You're terrible at answering your gear," she said. "I've been calling all day."

I nodded solemnly, pulling her into a crushing embrace. "We don't exactly have power at the moment," I replied. "and the solar pack you got me hasn't been able to pull a proper charge through the dust clouds." I grimaced. "Probably should find a generator when we can."

She let go of me and I saw a glimmer of a smile cross her face. The tension between us faded and I let myself truly relax for the first time since Cinnabar. She looked over at Sarah and held out a hand. "And you must be Sarah."

My childhood friend nodded and shook Janine's hand. "Nice to finally meet you," Sarah said. "Marcus seems very fond."

Janine smirked and shot me a wink. "I'm somewhat fond of Marcus myself," she grinned and I felt myself letting go of the tension in my shoulders with every moment of her presence. "Though I will say that he is terrible about keeping in touch when he's asked to."

Sarah cracked a grin. "Off in his own world, living in his head." She shook her head, smiling gently. "So, what brings you out to Yucca?"

Janine looked at me, unsure about what to say. I realized suddenly that she wasn't sure if Sarah knew what was really going on.

"I've explained everything to her," I began. "There's a few things she doesn't know about, but that's just because it wasn't entirely relevant to what's going on."

Janine nodded. "The boys found Leaf," she started. "Mewtwo dropped her north of Cerulean."

"How is she?" I asked. Over a month in the wilderness wasn't out of the ordinary for most trainers, but Leaf hadn't been prepared for that kind of trek and her pokemon had still been exhausted from the battle in Saffron.

Janine shrugged as we turned towards the cabin and I lifted the wheelbarrow again. "She's alright. A little dehydrated and malnourished, but she'll be fine."

I nodded. "Glad to hear it," I replied. Leaf was a good kid and she'd gotten close to Red. With how important Red apparently was, finding Leaf unharmed was a stroke of luck in the shitshow that Kanto had rapidly become. "But I'm guessing that's not why you're here."

She sighed and nodded. "You'd be right." A scowl spread across her face. "Surge asked for you. Said it was important. With the state he's in…"

The meaning was clear. My old CO didn't have long. "We can fly to Vermillion—"

"No," she said suddenly. "Will brought me. He's meditating in the stable while he waits. We're teleporting in."

I let the wheelbarrow down beside the cabin and turned to face her. "When do we leave?" I asked.

"Soon as you're ready," she replied.

I glanced over at the small cabin nervously. Then an idea crossed my mind and I looked back at my girlfriend. "Do you… want to meet my parents?"

She raised an eyebrow. She knew how my departure had been. She knew everything about me. "Are things…" she didn't finish the question.

I shrugged. "Yes and no. Hard to be too mad about how things went when every day might be the last." I pondered that for a moment. It was true enough, even if my Pa and I were still on shaky ground.

She raised an eyebrow at that last statement, but chose not to press it. "I'd love to meet them," she said, hooking her arm into mine.

We turned towards the house. I glanced over at Luna in the clearing behind the cabin. She seemed to sense that I was looking and halted the drill she was running with a sharp growl. Two and Artemis halted, turning to look at me as well.

I felt her then, not words but a warm sense of comfort touching my mind. Her presence retreated a half moment later and my pokemon resumed their training.

I knocked twice as I pushed open the door, trepidation gone. "Ma… Pa…"

My mother turned from the woodstove, smiling at me. She froze for a heartbeat as she saw Janine, then grinned wildly. "Well… I know you said that you'd met someone, but I never expected to meet her so soon."

Janine smiled politely. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Wright."

Ma shook her head. "No need to be so formal, dear. You're among family here." She reached out for Janine.

Janine reached out to shake her hand and Ma pulled her into a crushing hug. She let out a small squeak of surprise, all the noise she could make as my mother squeezed the air out of her lungs.

"It's so good to finally meet you," Ma said as she released her hold on Janine. "Marcus has been very coy about you. Wouldn't tell us anything other than your name and that you were a Gym Leader." She barely paused as she fawned over Janine. "At such a young age, you must be very proud!"

"I'm a relatively private person," she replied. She glanced over at me. "so I do appreciate that Marcus hasn't said too much."

I nodded quietly. As happy as it made Ma to meet Janine, she wasn't the one I was worried about.

"Dinner is just about ready," Ma continued, oblivious to the silent exchange. "We did have some venison, but the last few stantler went to the pokemon, so it's just—"

"I'm sure it's fantastic," Janine interrupted. "I've had my share of hungry nights. Part of being a trainer and all." She smirked. "Ask Marcus about the stew I gave him on the day we met?"

Ma nodded, shooting me a worried glance. I hadn't sugarcoated the life of a trainer when she'd asked, but she hadn't really pressed me on whether I'd been eating enough. I had a feeling that was going to change.

She hurriedly filled five wooden bowls with a thin stew. We'd salvaged what we could from Yucca's food stores, but stretching the meagre supply of root vegetables and non perishables was proving to be difficult.

"I'll help your father in," Ma said with her ever-present smile, ignoring the fact that I'd gone hungry for my chosen life. "We'll just be a moment."

Sarah dragged one of the log stools over to the table and gestured for Janine to take the chair beside me. We all sat, quietly waiting as Ma helped Pa out of bed.

"So you'll be stealing Marcus away?" Sarah asked, breaking the silence.

Janine nodded. "Unfortunately I will," she began. "There are some things that I need him for, some things he needs to do before the Indigo Conference gets underway."

Sarah nodded and I felt a little bit of sadness behind her smile.

"Shouldn't be longer than a week or so. Just enough time to get him back here for some final preparations for the Conference."

I perked up at that. "What are we doing?" I asked.

Janine frowned. "Lance… changed the Conference admission requirements. If you don't have eight badges, you're relegated to the Junior Conference." She sighed heavily. "It wasn't supposed to be limited. Indigo barely has enough high-level trainers left to run the conference without the change. I… don't know what Lance is doing and it scares me." She scowled. "Not knowing what someone like Lance is thinking is scary on a good day. We… haven't had many good days as of late."

My stomach dropped out beneath me. I only had six badges. "So I need two badges in less than two months, both of which will need to be Expert level challenges…" I trailed off. I was confident in the fighting members of my team, but that was a big ask of them. That was a big ask of me.

"Just one," Janine replied confidently. "I think." She shrugged nonchalantly as she amended her statement. "I think I convinced Sabrina the pre-teen bitch to give you Saffron's badge. She wants to talk to you first, but from what I understand that's going to be her test of you."

"So, one gym challenge and a mysterious test by a young psychic?"

Janine nodded. "And with the losses Indigo took… you've only got four options open to you, all of them over in Johto."

I raised an eyebrow. "Which gyms?" I asked.

"Ecruteak, Olivine, Mahogany…" she trailed off and paused. "and Blackthorn."

My eyes lit up and I knew she saw. She knew what my choice was, she probably had already known which I would choose before she'd said anything. My confrontation with Lance had been very very public.

"Blackthorn's current leader is Claire of Clan Wataru, younger cousin of our dear Champion."

"I can beat her," I said. I'd done research on Johto's gym circuit, but I'd never really considered any of them as actual options. I was Kantoan, I'd battle the Kantoan gyms. But if I couldn't earn that last Kantoan badge? Beating Lance's cousin would be a satisfying alternative.

"I don't doubt it," she said. "so long as Savage is ready to fight."

I nodded, going quiet as my mind went immediately to battle preparations. I barely noticed Sarah's crestfallen expression as matchups played out in my head.

"So I'm not going to be eligible?" Sarah asked. "I only have three badges at the moment."

Janine shook her head. "You'll be relegated to the Junior Conference."

Sarah frowned. "That sucks."

Janine could only nod sadly. "It… it's tough because I do see the reasoning. I don't know how many Intermediate trainers really stand a chance against top-level opponents." She gestured at me. "Marcus wouldn't have been able to back when I met him, and he'd already earned his first Intermediate badge."

"She's probably at about that point," I said with no small amount of pride. Sarah had grown in leaps and bounds since we'd started training together. "and improving even faster than I did when we went to Sevii."

Janine smiled again. "Good to hear. Junior Conference or not, we need everyone pulling together to make this work."

Ma and Pa came back through the door, my father sporting a cane under one arm and my mother supporting the other. He looked as though he was twice the age he had been when I'd left home. I couldn't tell whether it had been the stress of Margaret's death and my departure or the shattered femur he'd suffered when our house had collapsed atop him.

"Marcus," he said in his low, gravelly voice. "I see you brought a guest tonight."

"This is Janine," I said. My voice held strong, even though I very much felt it want to waver. "Gym Leader of Fuschia City."

Pa looked her up and down as Ma helped him down into his seat. "Glad to meet the woman who stole my son's heart." He glanced over at me and I saw some semblance of approval. "Gym Leaders are the closest thing we got to leadership these days. I can't imagine how difficult it's been.

Janine sighed. "True enough," she started. "It's been… challenging, to say the least. But Saffron caught the worst of it and we're doing what we can to help with relief efforts." She glanced at me, then back at Pa. "I don't know if the Saffron Gym has reached out yet, but—"

"We're fine," he replied brusquely. "We have a roof over our heads and enough food to last. That's more than a lot of people can say right now."

Janine opened her mouth, but I placed my hand over hers. She glanced at me and I offered her a quick shake of my head. Pa wasn't going to accept an offer like that, even if we needed it. The old man was stubborn as ever.

"The offer stands," Janine replied anyways, holding her ground as she turned back to face Pa. "Anything you need, I can have delivered in short order."

Pa grunted, his mouth drawn tight. "I'm sure there are others who need the help more." He shook his head. "We don't deserve special treatment just cause you're sweet on my boy."

Janine's expression hardened slightly, but the soft smile didn't fade. She nodded. "I understand," she replied. "Self sufficiency is important to you."

Pa raised an eyebrow at the statement. It wasn't a question. "We've stood on our own two feet ever since my Pa set his roots down here. Wasn't a time in my life we ever had to run to the Gym for help, and I don't intend that to start now."

"Then think of my personal assistance as an attempt to return you and yours to that state. We've suffered a great tragedy. The only way to get things back to anything close to normal is to help each other."

Again, Pa shook his head. "As I said, others likely need it far more. Help them first. We'll manage ourselves, same as always." His frown told me enough. He wasn't going to tolerate Janine pushing this any further.

"Janine came to take me off again," I said, breaking the awkward silence. "I should be back before the conference."

He nodded slowly. "I see," was the terse reply.

"Sarah will still be here until the conference," I interjected in a vain attempt to wrest the conversation away and reassure my father "We'll stock up on game before we both leave."

My father looked at me, contemplating my response. I knew he had agreed that the League needed change, but he didn't like that I'd taken that task upon myself. He didn't think it was my problem.

"Pa…" I started, practically pleading with him to drop it. "It'll be ok."

Slowly, he nodded. "I suppose there's no stopping you," he remarked. "I've seen what happens when I push you too hard. I'm not keen on losing what's left of our family."

I felt the tension slowly fade away as Pa broke into a warm smile. He glanced at Janine, then back to me. "Curie stays," he said. It was more a statement than anything.

I nodded, agreeing. Curie… would never fight again. She was an exceptional healer, but the lower half of her body had been utterly ruined. She'd be lucky to walk again. "Curie stays," I confirmed.

"Then all that's left is to wish you luck," Pa said quietly. He looked over to Janine and then back at me. "Now," he began, "I'm sure that you two have some stories that you can share without scaring the two of us too much?"

Janine smirked and I caught the guilty look she shot me. "How about I tell you about the time that we went on vacation and Marcus tried to fight a tyrantrum with a taser?"

The looks my parents shot me could have curdled milk. Unperturbed, Janine launched into a passionate retelling of the time Empress had nearly killed me on Sawtooth Island.

We popped back into existence in one of the training yards behind the Gym. The sea was at our back and the sun was starting to set behind the city's docks to the east, casting long, reaching shadows on the yard.

I reflexively felt for the balls on my belt, keenly aware of open slot. There would be two open slots after we stopped in Pallet on our way to Johto. Janine had called Blue at the lab and while the cubone were still fine, they'd been mostly left to their own devices since Saffron.

"Our services are needed back in Fuchsia," Will said before we had barely settled onto the ground. "We should be back before morning."

Janine nodded absently. "Than you, Will. That will be all."

The spindly bald man reached out and touched his hand to Karen's shoulder. They disappeared with a faint pop and Janine and I were alone.

"So," she began as we turned towards the building. "that was fun."

I shrugged, following her. "It actually went better than I thought it would. Pa… he's changed."

She offered me a smile. "No choice but to change," she said. "we don't get the choice right now. Not with how the world is. Not without—"

A low, mournful howl interrupted Janine. She swivelled on the spot, hunting for the source as her hand dropped to her belt. My hand was already at mine, resting on Luna's ball. I knew that howl, knew now that it had been following me ever since Saffron.

We didn't need to search for long. It came out of the shadows, eyes glowing a vibrant red and white fur reflecting the evening sun. A long, curved horn with a wickedly sharp edge emerged from the side of its head. Its bladed tail whipped back and forth furiously as it stalked forward.

I felt the blood drain from my face, glancing over at Janine as an omen of disaster emerged from the shadows.

"An absol…" she said, trailing off into silence. She looked away from it, at me. "That's not good Marcus. They don't show up unless something really, really bad about to happen."

"You think I don't know that?" I hissed, without looking away from the absol. My mind raced through the reasons it could be here, through the thousand things that could go horrifically wrong with the plan to change the League. "Why do you think it's here?"

Janine was silent for a long moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and meek. "Not for anything good," she murmured.

It stopped, refusing to look anywhere but directly at me. I took a step to the side and its gaze followed me. I looked over at Janine. "Whatever the reason…" I looked back at the absol. "it's here for me..."

She was quiet. "Are you sure?" she asked.

I considered it for a long moment. "The howl… it's not the first time I've heard it. First in Saffron… then in Yucca… now here…"

"Marcus…" she said, her voice hushed. "you know what they are. Harbingers of death, premonitions of destruction…"

"And it's here for me," I said quietly. My hand finally moved from Luna's ball, brushing over the open slot. "I know why." I swung my bag off and my hand dove into it, closing on one of the empty balls within.

She glanced at me quickly, as though even a moment of averting her eyes would bring catastrophe down on us. "You aren't actually thinking about—"

"I am," I confirmed as I dropped my bag and lifted the ball. I met Janine's gaze and offered her a confident smile. Whatever was going to happen, it was here for me. Good or ill, I would trust in that. At the end of the day, it was a pokemon and I was a trainer. "I think that's why it's here. I think it's here because it knows that I need help. It knows that I need it."

I approached the pokemon, watching carefully as it regarded me with cold, unflinching eyes. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for disaster.

"You're here for me," I said.

Slowly, methodically, the pokemon nodded.

"I don't know if this is a good idea." I couldn't help the grim smirk that came to my face. "It probably isn't. But that's never stopped me from doing something before." I raised the ball in my hand. "Are you ready to come with me, or are you just going to howl in the distance?"

The absol cocked its head to the side and looked curiously at the ball. It looked back up at me and met my eyes with its piercing gaze. With slow, measured movements, the living portent of doom pressed its nose into the ball and disappeared in a flash of digitized light.

I turned to face Janine as the ball clicked softly to signify its capture. "Let's go," I said quietly. "I have a feeling that this can't mean anything good for Surge."

She approached me, looking at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was, but a strange sense of confidence was coming over me.

"Are you sure about that thing?" she asked.

"Omen," I replied with a strange calm. "his name is Omen."


Intermediate Trainer KT#07996101

Trainer, Marcus Wright, current team:

Luna, Ninetales

Artemis, Aerodactyl

Two, Porygon-2

Savage, Tyrantrum

Omen, Absol



The second last arc of Marcus' journey begins! It's been a fun ride, let's enjoy this roller coaster for all it's worth! (Please ignore the fact that it has no brakes)
 

ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. froslass
  2. zorua-gojira
  3. salandit-shiny
  4. goomy
Alrighty! Hello and here's your review from le' catnip!

Summary of Chapter 13:

MC, Red, Blue and Erika all discuss on how to deal with Team Rocket but were interrupted by a spying Porygon. Then Erika gets hurt and they rush to storm the casino where they eventually meet up with Giovanni.

Reviews of Chp 13:

This chapter was real great. I'll be honest and say that I don't quite remember too much about the previous chapter, only the early ones. But I did quite enjoy it even without remembering much.

Like, I love how Porygon was used here in spying on them, a real interesting way to use the little blocky duck. Though really, it is a bit odd that our MC could capture the Porygon, I would've thought Team Rocket had it in a pokéball or something already, unless like people can still catch other people's mons but I don't remember that being the case so I guess TR did a bit of a goof here?

Anyway, the casino scene was great. Nicy rushed and I really felt the urgency and desperation in our MC making his way down with the other two. Made the whole 7k chapter feel like a breeze to read through.

Oh and then the Giovanni scene was cool. He really does feel intimidating here and I like how he specifically tosses Red some shade, guess he saw Red's true potential or something. The next chapter's fight with him is gonna be epic from what I could barely remember, though Pride's probably gonna die here if I'm not misremembering things.

Here's my line-by-line comments (it's not a lot but the chapter was too immersive for me to really take down too many notes):

"Yes," she said "that's the entire point. You're the distraction."
Missing a comma here
It means that I can't set foot in that game corner without my every move being watched by Rocket and these two are underage and can't even get in.
Didn't stop them from doing so in the games lol
A porygon!" Erika shouted over the digital scream. Her hand was dropping to her waist, but there was no time.
Oof plan's spoiled. Guess they gotta rush now
What do we do?" Red asked. I heard the fear in his voice, and remembered that he was just a kid.
Kill it
We were alone underground, outclassed by our opponent, with no hope of escape. We needed a miracle.
Huh, can't they just teleport out of there? Unless there's some sort of limit I'm forgetting but like Blue can just yoink them out with his Kadabra, no?

Anyway, that should be it for now. Hope you have a great rest of your day!
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, I heard you went back and tightened up the chapters that I was due to review as part of our exchange. I’d finally gotten a bunch of other stuff bogging me down out the way and happened to get a Catnip assignment for this story, so that sounded like as good a reason to expedite things and dive straight into:

Chapter 5

Not every trainer is a force for good. Evil exists… and it trains pokemon too. — Grand Champion Cynthia Shirona

“Grand Champion”, huh? Implying that Kanto’s League is part of some broader interregional organization? Or else that she won the PWT in wherever it was hosted as a surrogate to Unova.

Though a part of me is kinda surprised given how pear-shaped things tend to wind up going relative to canon in setting that Sinnoh is somehow still existent. I suppose that the consequences of failure there were a bit too dire to deviate from canon for this setting.

I emerged from the challenger's tunnel with a goofy grin plastered on my face. Misty had congratulated me as she had pressed the cascade badge into my hand, practically demanding that I come back for a proper elite level battle once I completed the Indigo League circuit. I'd agreed, determining that I'd win that battle without having to TM my way through.

So just how obviously was Misty seething for all of that anyways? :V

Gemma was waiting outside the tunnel. She punched me in the shoulder, practically hopping in place with her usual excitement.

"You lucky little bastard," she said cheerfully. "You really took that one down to the wire."

"Hey, it still counts," I protested. "A victory is a victory."

I can already tell that Marcus is going to wind up eating those words at some point in the future. Especially due to being spoiled that not all of the Pokémon he trains in this story make it to the end.

"Hard won victories often impart the most powerful lessons," said a voice that I didn't recognize.

I glanced past Gemma and looked the man up and down. He was dressed in an immaculately cut suit, his hair perfectly quaffed. He smiled with genuine aplomb and held out a hand to put me at ease.

-peeks up at title-

It’s Giovanni, isn’t it?

"Every battle is a learning experience," I replied, consciously aware that I was making my first impression with a likely sponsor. "Even the victories."

The man cracked an easy smile as I shook his hand. "Gemma did say that you had potential. " he glanced over at her as his hand fell to his side, drawing a blush from my mentor. "Needless to say, I was surprised when she recommended that I come watch a Novice challenge."

… Gemma really is going to turn out to be a Rocket all this time, isn’t she? :copyka:

The blush was gone as quickly as it had appeared on Gemma's cheeks. "Told you he wouldn't disappoint."

"He's raw, and more than a little sloppy," the man replied. "But there's potential in there."

He glanced down at the three balls on my bandolier and then at the bandage covering the side of my head.

"Have any sponsors made their interest in you known?"

"Nicolas!" Gemma exclaimed. "I said no business until after I talked to him!"

Hrm, might have jumped the gun there, since IIRC per past naming convention for canon characters in this story, Gio’s name is most likely something along the lines of “Giovanni Sakaki”.

He shrugged and wrinkled his nose. "Of course," he said with a wink, before turning to me.

"I won't get into specifics then. Just know that Silph is watching. Gemma recommended that I come see a Novice battle in Cerulean on short notice, and well…" he trailed off and shot a smirk in Gemma's direction. "Gemma is rather difficult to impress."

Oh, so that’s who Nicolas is. Though I would recommend splitting up this paragraph and having Nicolas be mentioned more explicitly acknowledging Marcus here.

"This is Nicolas Montaigne, Silph talent scout." Gemma blushed as he nodded at his name. "He travelled with me before he decided on retirement from the League."

Nicolas shrugged nonchalantly. "Not everyone can thrive in the spotlight like you, my dear." He smiled and looked back at me, seemingly oblivious to Gemma's lingering gaze. "Either way, Mr Wright, we'll be in touch. Try not to sign any sponsor contracts until then?"

Yeeeeeah, I can already tell that that sponsorship contract will wind up going nowhere given that we saw the Rockets actively plotting to do their equivalent of the Silph Co takeover last chapter.

I nodded quickly, trying and likely failing to hide my excitement. [ ]

"I'll be sure to wait for Silph," I said.

I think that it might make sense to expand on Marcus’ thought process a bit more than what you have here to establish what this means to him and what Silph is like in-setting. For instance, is this equivalent to someone in our world getting offered a sponsorship by Google? If so, it might make sense to show a bit more of that “pinch me, I must be dreaming” internally on Marcus’ end.

He nodded respectfully. "We'll be in touch." He looked over to Gemma and seemed to smirk knowingly. "Sinclair," he said with a wink.

Gemma blushed profusely and I watched her stare longingly at Nicolas as he strode down the hallway and out into the concourse of the gym.

Oh, so that’s Gemma’s surname. Duly noted.

"I'm sensing a history there," I said bluntly. "Or at least, some one-sided longing from you."

Gemma grinned wildly. "That obvious, am I?"

I chuckled at that. "Practically had a blinking sign on your forehead."

So… story time, Gemma? Since this sure sound an awful lot like a prelude to storytime right now.

She shrugged. "It is what it is," she said. "We had a history. I'm not over it, he seems to be." She turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "Why, you getting jealous?"

I shook my head as we approached the end of the hallway, perhaps a little too quickly to avoid arousing suspicion. "You're gorgeous and all, but I'm not looking for that right now."

Honestly, I hadn't dared think of Gemma in that light. [ ]

Gemma's trademark grin was plastered across her face. "You think I'm gorgeous, darling?"

It might be worth expanding Marcus’ “I hadn’t dared think [...]” line to show a bit more of his internal thought process there.

I couldn't help the little chuckle as I nodded. Gemma didn't need the ego boost, but I'd given it to her regardless.

"Of course," I replied with a wry grin. "You're a badass trainer chick who literally saved my life."

"Don't you forget that," she said. "You owe me." We reached the end of the hallway and Gemma's grin seemed to double in size. "Especially after this."

She pulled the door in front of us open, shoving me through with the same movement. I stumbled out to a dozen flashes of photography, my cry of protest lost in the cacophony of noise.

Well then. Having friends with seniority at Silph makes helps quite a bit with getting onto the map as a trainer, I see.

People were shouting my name, half of them trying to shout questions while the other half furiously jotted notes down on their pads.

"Gemma!" I half-shouted, my voice lost amongst the din.

I shook my head and couldn't help the sigh. I turned back for Gemma but the door had closed behind me and there was no handle to open it with.

… Or if could just be the normal song and dance for a 2-badger. I’m actually not sure which of the two is intended to be the case here. It might make sense to reveal that a bit more through Marcus’ inner thoughts. e.x. if this experience was expected for him or surprising or not.

One of the reporters, a shorter woman with shoulder length brown hair, pushed her way past one of the men shouting a question about Pride. She grabbed me by the elbow, shooting me an apologetic smile before she led me through the crowd.

Wait, is “she” Gemma or the reporter there.

The sea of people parted before her as she led me by the arm. She guided me up to a podium with half a dozen mics attached to it and took a place at the front of the crowd.

I leaned in towards the mic and put on my bravest smile. "Sorry, everyone. It's my first time doing this."

Unless if the paragraph with Marcus’ line was cut short, you want to end his remark with a period there.

"Everyone's nervous for their first time!"

A smattering of laughter rose from the crowd as the gathered reporters laughed at the bad joke.

I nodded at the woman who had led me through the crowd. "Let's start with you in the front," I said. "Since you were nice enough to help."

"Katherine Nevers, Indigo News 4," she started. She smiled at me warmly and I felt some of my nerves dissipate. "You gave us a good show, well above what we would be expecting from a sponsorless Novice. What would you attribute such an emphatic victory to?"

inb4 she winds up dying mid-broadcast at some point, since just saying, Four is Death and all that.

I nodded slowly. "I had a ton of training and help from an experienced trainer. She kinda took me under her wing after she saved my life under Mount Moon." I smiled mareepishly, knowing Gemma was probably snickering into her pokegear as she watched me. "The real credit has to go to Pride and Luna. They're the ones who had to fight the battle."

Someone’s a humble one there. I wonder if that’s just humility or if Marcus also has a dash of imposter syndrome going on.

I pointed at the man that Ms. Nevers had stepped in front of. The crowd quieted almost as soon as the noise began.

"Your LeagueNET page has exploded in views in the last few hours. You've experienced such a massive increase in popularity with only two recorded matches." He looked up at me and I got the sense that Gemma had somehow curated the reporters present to make this easier for me. "That's impressive as hell for an unknown trainer."

Okay, yeah, there is no way that any of this is organic, just saying. Though to what end are you going with this, Gemma?

I couldn't help the embarrassed grin that crossed my face. "I'm sorry, that's probably just from me refreshing the page back there because I couldn't believe that my record was actually 2-0."

I rubbed the back of my neck. [ ]

"It's still a little surreal to be honest. I grew up on a farm and knew twenty people at most. More people than I've ever known have looked me up and watched things that I've done. It's a huge honour and I hope that I can prove to be worthy of that attention."

Might be a stylistic quibble, but I would recommend hacking up this paragraph here as Marcus futzes with his neck. Especially if he has any internal thoughts going through his head right now.

I shifted my gaze to another reporter, a taller man wearing a ball cap branded with the logo for the Kanto Trainer's Digest. I pointed at him and the room went silent again.

"Some might call your victories lucky, or unearned. What would you say to those who doubt the validity of your training career up to this point?"

I frowned, knowing that the reporter was trying to get a rise out of me. The Kanto Trainer's Digest was by far the most sensationalist of the publications that covered the league. I was willing to bet that Gemma had made sure they were in the crowd to see how I handled a tough question.

This is going to be the part where Marcus tempts fate, isn’t it?

"I would say that I know how to place myself and my team in situations that allow us to be lucky, or exploit circumstances in our favour." I shrugged, trying to give off an unconcerned air. "Pokemon battling has always been about more than who can hit the hardest. Manipulating the course of battle to create advantages for yourself is a skill in itself."

Yeah, this is absolutely tempting fate on Marcus’ end. I can already tell.

He raised an eyebrow. "And tricking your way through a battle to win on a technicality?"

I mean, just saying, battles in an actual, non-sports context often have nonstandard win conditions, Mr. Snooty Reporter Man.

I frowned. "Stalling is a valid tactic, accepted by the Pokemon League." I raised my eyebrow. "If there is some sort of issue with my victory over Brock, then the League has yet to inform me."

And he’s right considering how everyone and their mother ran a stall team back in competitive Gen 3/4.

His eyes bored into me, looking for a flaw in my visage.

"Is there some sort of issue with my victory in Pewter?" I asked, leaning forward and returning his hard stare.

"Some online have called it cowardly and underhanded, or suggested that your use of a baby pokemon could even be considered cruelty." He shrugged and I saw the amused grin hidden behind a stoic face. "I'm just asking the question."

Huh. I wonder if that was always in this chapter, or if you included it based on review feedback. Since a part of me is still surprised that nobody really batted an eye at Curie being fielded against an Onix back in the first chapter.

"Then I'd suggest you ask the League about it." I scowled in his direction, knowing this interaction was likely to be plastered over the news. At the very least, the Digest would not have a flattering picture to paint. "Not a single League rule was violated during either of my battles and you'll find plenty of other stall victories throughout League history."

"And the TM moves?"

A small murmur rippled across the room. Eyes flitted back and forth between us, seemingly wondering which one of us would back down.

I frowned and stared back at the man who seemed determined to give me trouble. "What about them?" I asked. "TMs are an essential part of any trainer's tool belt, and—"

Cue the accusations of Marcus’ streak being artificially engineered in 3… 2…

"How did you manage to afford them?" he asked, interrupting me. "Records show that you took out a League Trainer's starter loan about three months ago. That amount is hardly enough to cover the three TM moves that your pokemon used, to say nothing of expenses incurred during your career to this date."

He looked up at me, expressionless. [ ]

"Without a sponsor, I'm wondering how any of this was possible."

I’m sorry, but how has this guy managed to get Marcus’ bank statements when he’s literally only had notoriety in-setting for like a week at this point? .-.

Though it probably makes sense to show a bit more of how Marcus is reacting here. For instance if he’s starting to get rattled or agitated.

My frown morphed into a scowl. My ears were burning and I was fighting the urge to burst. "I did mention that I had an older trainer take me under her wing."

"So, she bankrolled your victory, is what you meant?" His eyes were boring into me and I felt the distaste that the man held for me clearly in his gaze. "Implying that you are not the one responsible for your victory here tonight."

Marcus: “I would just like to reiterate that I clearly attributed tonight’s victory to my Pokémon and their efforts.”
803141280380485632.webp

KTD!Reporter: “I’ll just go ahead and note that as an affirmation.”

I exhaled slowly, fighting back the urge to pitch the microphone at him. I searched the crowd, looking for a friendly face. I found one, Katherine Nevers offering me a small smile.

"Trainers help each other," I said, repeating the mantra that I'd heard from Gemma. "Yes, I had the help of an older, more experienced, and not to mention wealthy trainer."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and committed myself. I'd play the sympathetic card and try to portray myself as an underdog. [ ]

"I don't come from money, just from a small farm in rural Kanto. My family wasn't able to afford much to help me, so after I caught Luna I took out a League starter loan."

I grinned and fidgeted nervously, trying to play off the anxiety that talking about myself brought out. "That ran out as I was leaving Pewter. I've mostly been foraging for food since then. When I ran into the aforementioned trainer, she saved my life and sort of took me under her wing. She taught me a lot about training and the lifestyle that's required."

I paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to continue. [ ]

"She taught me that trainers help each other. I hope that once I'm well off enough to do the same, I can help others in need, just like she did for me."

Would recommend hacking up a few of these paragraphs and getting into Marcus’ head a bit more. Though that was a pretty classy turnabout on his part there.

I found the Kanto Trainer's Digest reporter in the crowd and locked eyes with him. "Is there anything else?" I asked, somewhat forcefully.

He shook his head without a hint of malice. I saw the small grin on his face and realized that he hadn't been asking the question out of spite. Maybe the Digest's piece wouldn't be as negative as I thought.

"That will be all," he said curtly. "I hope to speak to you again in the future."
I saw the out in that. "Same to you all," I said into the mic. I turned and found the exit door off to the side. I strode from the room, not pausing to spare any of the reporters a second glance.

Wow. He actually won the guy’s respect in the end. Wasn’t expecting that one.

It took me almost an hour to escape the crowd of spectators that had waited for me. There were hundreds of them and I'd signed more autographs and taken more pictures than I'd ever been in before. It was stunning and blinding, although I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. I'd never been special before, and now I was.

Small grammar error here that is worth fixing.

It was weird that so many people were clamouring over a novice, but I chalked that up to Gemma pulling strings to drum up attention. I wasn't going to complain when the attention meant more sponsor eyes on me and my team. I badly needed that, despite the assistance Gemma had so generously provided.

de7.png


Gemma was waiting in a cab, around the corner. She had guided me there over the phone after I'd finally escaped the crowd. She nodded to the driver and ten minutes later, we'd arrived at a glitzy bar with throngs of people outside and aggressively loud music pounding.

Cue the theme music:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhrkzVLVxho


It wasn't my first choice of environment, but Gemma led me into a VIP area where she had me a dazzling array of drinks and shots waiting for me.

But is there also a cigar-smoking monk? /s

I grinned down at them and looked up at her. "You like to party?" I asked with an embarrassed grin. "I've never really done this before."

I'd never drank much on the farm, only a few stolen sips of wine or beer over the years. Hell, I'd never even been into a bar except for the one time I'd tried to sneak into one in Saffron with Sarah Walker when we were sixteen.

We had only made it ten minutes before the bartender had kicked the two underage teens out.

Huh, wouldn’t have pegged Marcus as a teetotaler. But I suppose that he didn’t really have much of a budget for drinks… or anything at all prior to running into Gemma.

Gemma just smirked and lifted the first pair of shots. She pressed one into my hand. "To victory!" she said. "And to celebrating said victory properly!"

So just how wasted are these two going to get anyways?

We tipped back the shots and so began my night of endless revelry. I'll be completely honest, I don't remember much. I vaguely remember a few people congratulating me on my win, but the other patrons left us alone for the most part. I know that we left the bar at some point, possibly because Gemma drank through their entire stock.

Well, I suppose the answer is “blackout drunk”.

Gemma wasn't entirely clear on the reason we had to leave and I was in no state to ask. Where we went from there was even more hazy. I think we frequented another bar, but I'm not entirely certain.

I know that I got back to my hotel room fine because I woke up on the edge of my motel bed with my pants pulled halfway down one leg and my pokegear stuck to my side. Luna was curled up against Curie on the pillows and Pride was lounging at the foot of the bed. I stood up groggily and instantly regretted the sudden movement.

I dashed to the bathroom as the contents of my stomach evacuated in a hurry. I made it into the bathroom just in time as I cursed Gemma for all she was worth.

Marcus: “Note to self, drinking shots sucks.”
920825768873979925.webp


The pokegear screamed at me, rousing me from my slumber. I rolled over, reaching for the device. An angry knock at the door startled me. I glanced down at the pokegear screen. Gemma's call ended and I saw that I had missed half a dozen others. I rolled out of the bed and crossed to the door, peeking through the peephole. Gemma was staring back at me.

I stepped back and desperately scanned the room for my pants. I pulled them on and opened the door with the best grin that I could muster. "Mornin," I grumbled.

Marcus: “Also, can you not knock so loud? My head’s killing me right now.”
663472557730693141.webp


She was in the door before I could even blink. She pushed through me and had the door closed and locked as I stumbled over my own feet. I landed on my ass and looked up at her in confusion.

She closed the blinds quickly, peering out at the parking lot. The pokeball logo on her travel jacket was shredded. Her back was stained a dark red and I had a horrified realization that it was bloody flesh I could see through the torn leather.

Marcus: “Um… Gemma? What’s going on right now?”
401074476474957834.webp


"Gemma," I started, sobriety coming rushing back as I fought back a gag. My stomach heaved, but I steadied myself and shook it off. Gemma needed my help right now. "You're bleeding. It looks really bad."

She glanced back at me and I saw the terror in her eyes. She had a shallow cut across the bridge of her nose and her left eye was swollen shut. Tears were leaking from both eyes, the ones from her left eye tinted red with blood. "They got Lilith when we tried to run. She's gone."

Oh, so the Rockets did their thing with Silph Co and Gemma was caught in the crossfire, huh?

My heart dropped in my chest and I felt my mind go blank. "Shit." I said plainly. I shook my head and my mind went racing. This was serious. "What do we do? Who is it? Who's after you?"

She stepped away from the window and sank into the ratty chair, staining the faded green fabric with her bloody back. "I don't know. They came out of nowhere." She glanced over at the bed and spotted my pokegear. "Can I make a call? I have to reach my father."

… Or they could’ve just been after her Pokémon. Though wait, does Gemma have any Pokémon left at the moment? Since if they got her Fearow, you think that wouldn’t bode well for Domitian either.

I nodded and retrieved it for her. She dialed the number silently and I sat back down on the bed. My mind was racing. Gemma was nearly invincible to me. To think that Lilith, the impossibly feisty fearow was dead just made my mind spin faster. Whoever had gone after Gemma was ruthless, cutting down her means of escape and nearly killing her.

Gemma’s line wasn’t obvious that Lilith out-and-out died when I read it. At first, I thought she was talking about Lilith getting stolen. You probably want to make the wording a bit more obvious, or else add something like “What do you mean got-?” -> “She’s dead, Marcus.” as a brief thing before Marcus’ reaction to disambiguate.

She had gotten away, but had she lost them?

Marcus, if you have to ask the question, the answer is obviously ‘no’.

I got up, crossed over to the window and looked out. No movement in the parking lot drew my eye. I quickly roused my pokemon, returning Curie in her sleep. Only Luna had stirred when I'd gotten up from the pokegear ringing, but both her and Pride were awake and alert now.

Both of them were looking at me fiercely. The smell of Gemma's blood was strong and it had them riled up. "Quiet, be ready for anything."

That feels more than a little worrisome given that Pride has been living outside the wilds for like a week at this point.

"Dad," Gemma croaked. I looked back at her. "Someone just tried to kill me." There was a long pause while he talked. I retrieved one of the water bottles from the room's mini fridge and handed it to her. "I don't know who it was, dad. They killed Lilith, cut her goddamn head off when I let her out. I barely got away myself!" She took the water, nodding at me thankfully. "No, I think I'm safe for now. I found a friend to lay low with, the one Nicholas came to see."

450


Though given that the culprits are almost certainly Rockets given the title, I wonder what sort of Pokémon they were fielding there.

There was another long pause while she listened. Then she looked up at me. "He wants to speak with you too." She pressed the speakerphone button and I heard a frustrated voice barking orders. "We're both here, dad."

"Thank you, darling." The background noise faded and I got the sense that he had moved to a quieter room. "I am sending Leader Sabrina to collect you. She should be there in just a few minutes. You are both to remain where you are until she arrives."

There was a small pause and I glanced nervously at Gemma. [ ]

"I apologize to both of you for the situation I have put you in. Silph is on the edge of a breakthrough that will revolutionize the world as we know it. I had hoped that knowledge of this breakthrough would not leak, but perhaps that may have been naïve."

Oh, so that’s why Gemma is being targeted. As an attempt to secure a bargaining chip to shake down Silph Co.

Gemma's face screwed up in frustration and pain. "This is about your work?" She asked. "They killed my goddamn fearow to get at you?"

The man's voice seemed to waver. "Yes," he started. "It seems that there have been recent threats to Silph, threats that we should have taken more seriously before now. Regardless, we-"

[ ]

"YOU MEAN YOU KNEW?!"

You probably want to show Gemma shooting up in a rage or something like that here, since I get the feeling that she’s meant to get really agitated at the moment to the point of it being obvious in her body language or reaction, but it’s not really obvious at the moment.

I stepped away from the phone. This was something that was very much not meant for my ears. I felt my chest tighten and I nervously glanced out the window. I wanted to be anywhere else but in the midst of family drama. [ ]

"YOU KNEW THERE WAS A TANGIBLE THREAT TO ME AND YOU DIDN'T SAY A DAMN THING!"

There was a stunned silence for a moment. "The threats were never this serious… this is the first time…"

Marcus: “Um… I just realized, but this doesn’t mean that we’re in danger right now, too, does it?”
Nicolas: “... I’m afraid there’s no easy way of breaking this, Mr. Wright.”

Gemma's face was one of utter disappointment and shock. She slowly lowered the pokegear, looking blankly at the floor.

"Sabrina will collect you within the hour, Gemma. You will remain in Saffron until the danger is gone." He paused and Gemma remained silent. She was unresponsive, staring at the ground in defeated silence. "Is the young man still here?"

Wait, what on earth is this breakthrough that Silph has been working on if the League is dropping in to bail out Nick’s old fling?

"I am," I said, finding my voice. "How can I help, sir?"

"What is your name?"

"Marcus," I replied.

"Unfortunately, Sabrina will only be able to take Gemma with her. You will have to leave Cerulean immediately. You have my thanks, young man. Keep her safe until Sabrina arrives and you can consider yourself a Silph sponsored trainer." He paused for a moment. "Hell, I'll draw you up the contract myself."

Marcus:
whoo-hoo-woo-hoo.gif

Gemma: “Marcus! What the hell?!
785236292803100683.webp

Marcus: “Right, wrong moment for that.”

I glanced down at Gemma, looking over the bloody mess of her back. "I'll keep her safe, sir."

"Thank you," he replied. "Is Gemma still there?"

She looked up at me and shook her head. She didn't want to speak to him. I couldn't blame her. I knew what that was like.

"No sir, I think she's gone to the washroom."

Nicolas: “... Is she nearby? Since I swore that I heard her just wince in pai-”
Marcus: “The door’s closed sir. I don’t believe she wants to be bothered right now.”

He sighed softly through the phone. "I understand. I am sorry, darling. I love you. We will speak more when you arrive."

Well, that’s a bold assumption there. Since the whole “I love you” seems to indicate that you’re worried about your own well-being, too.

"Thanks, Dad." She ended the call and looked up at me with bleary eyes. She was on the verge of tears. I picked up the half eaten pack of yucca berry muffins and held them out to her. She reached out and took one. "Thanks," she said numbly.

I pointed down at her back. "We need to do something for your back."

She shook her head numbly. "Sabrina will be here soon," she replied. She gingerly poked at her swollen eye and winced.

Cue the Rockets busting down the hotel room door in 3… 2…

"Here," I opened the fridge again and pulled out the other cold water. "Wash it off. We gotta get you cleaned up."

Shouldn’t you being worrying more about getting Gemma medical attention right now, Marcus?
1137210299573878845.webp


"No," she started, already protesting. "I'm fine-"

Narrator: “She was absolutely not fine.”

I put the water bottle down beside her. Hard. Hard enough to shut her up for a second.

"Enough, Gemma. You're bleeding. Now, I don't know what's going on, but you have an open wound on your back and a nasty looking cut on your cheek. We gotta at least clean you up and make sure you aren't still bleeding."

morgan-freeman-hes-right-you-know.gif


"Bastard had a scyther," she said weakly.

I saw the pain and emotion on her face, saw the hurt in her eyes. I could hardly imagine the pain of watching one of my pokemon die in front of me. I hoped I would never have to know.

The underlined IMO would work a bit better with some more concrete detail about what Gemma’s pain and emotion look like. Though I’m surprised that Marcus isn’t having more commentary on seeing her like this, since I don’t think we’ve ever seen Gemma distraught up to this point in the story.

I smirked, trying to lighten the mood slightly. I shoved away the morbid thoughts and knew just what to say.

"Better story than a paras chewing my face off."

Marcus, why.

She laughed and I saw her wince in pain as she realized that it hurt to laugh. "Thanks, novice."

She turned and I silently set to work bandaging the shredded mess of meat that had been her back.

I’m surprised that Gemma took things that well. Though I suppose that black humor does make sense for a hard-edged setting like this one.

She grimaced and grunted as I peeled the ruined jacket away. I fought back a gag as I pulled off a large strip of fabric that had been cut out of her shirt and was stuck to the wound.

"Please," I said weakly. "Don't mention it."

I winced at that description there.
663472557730693141.webp


Seriously, how were you able to make it to the hotel without keeling over from blood loss, Gemma?

She turned her head to look at me and let the muffin fall to the floor. "Is it that bad?" She asked.

I nodded grimly. "Gemma, there's so much blood." I turned towards the bed and tore the white over sheet off. "We can't wait. You need to get to the hospital."

Yeah, that sounds like the reaction that I was expecting. Even though this is probably exactly what Team Rocket is expecting you to do, just saying, Marcus.

Though if Gemma’s supposed to be bleeding buckets right now, it probably makes sense to more explicitly show that through something like Marcus attempting to wipe away the blood and just seeing more come in its place or something like that.

She sagged in the chair and I thought for a moment that she might pass out. "I guess so," she said quietly.

I hooked my arm into hers and heaved her into a standing position. I held most of her weight on my shoulder and hastily wrapped the sheet around Gemma's torso twice, knotting it on her stomach. It wasn't a proper bandage, but I tied it tight enough that I hoped it would at least slow the bleeding.

Marcus, I’m pretty sure that this counts as tempting fate, just saying.

We turned towards the door. I propped Gemma up against the door and grabbed my jacket from the rack. I slipped it on and looked for Gemma, who was peering through the window.

I lifted the hotel's phone to dial the emergency number, but the dial tone was silent. I put the phone down and tested it again. The line remained dead.

Oh yeah, that’s a good sign already. /s

She turned as I put the phone down and took a step back towards her, throwing herself into me. The window behind her exploded inwards. Glass shards peppered the room and shredded the remaining bed linens. We hit the ground together, Gemma thrashing and shrieking in abject pain.

Pride growled deeply and bounded over us, snarling out the window.

Yeah, I knew that the Rockets caught up with them the moment that it was mentioned the phone didn’t work. Though it probably makes sense to delve a bit more into Marcus’ reaction after discovering that the line is dead. Like does it occur to him that the line’s cut? Does he initially think the phone was disconnected by housekeeping on accident? It feels like a small thing that can be used to sell the idea of how savvy (or not) he is with the threat that comes summarily barging in through his window.

I rolled Gemma off me and grabbed at her ball belt, as adrenaline flooded my system and I jumped into action. Gemma's belt was missing a ball, I assumed that to be Lilith's. I stopped suddenly as I realized how little I knew about Gemma's team.

My eyes searched the room, settling on my bag. I didn't have any potions in my pack, I'd burned them all up training for Misty and had planned to restock before I left Cerulean. Gemma hadn't even had a bag with her when she'd shown up at my door.

Marcus: “So… uh… yeah, if whoever came through the window is rocking anything much better than a Rattata, we’re just kinda screwed here.”
701630550720512120.webp


"Do you have a healer?" I shouted over to Gemma the carnage. "Anything that could help get you mobi—"

A horrific screech that sounded like tearing metal ripped through the air. I fell back, clamping my hands over my ears and failing to block out the sound. It was all I could hear, all I could think about.

I’ll take that as a sign that the Rocket that just breached the window has a Zubat or Golbat with them.

Pride shrank back, hiding under the window sill. Luna cowered against the wall, staring fearfully out the window.

It ended as suddenly as it had started, a shrill ringing remaining in my ears. I rolled over, grabbing my pack and crawling back to Gemma. I left the broken bow, there wasn't time for sentiment.

She didn't say anything, but reached at one of the balls on her belt. I grabbed it, tapping the release button. A black ursine creature grew from the red silhouette, nearly seven feet tall. The black fur on its body gave way to soft pink fluff around its head.

Oh, hello, Bewear. I admittedly did a double-take at this one since Bewear’s got a fairly cartoony design. Its dex lore definitely is very Journey-core, though.

"A bewear," I said, stepping out of the alolan bear's reach. The pokemon were known to be capable of crushing humans to death in moments and I wasn't willing to be standing over its trainer when it realized how injured she was.
That would be wise, really. ^^;

Gemma forced herself up on one arm and looked at her pokemon. She grimaced and forced the words out through gritted teeth. "Cuddles, use pain split."

>Cuddles

Watch as he reduces some Rocket to a bloody pulp in like ten seconds.

Her bewear placed one oversized paw on her side as he screwed up his face with effort. I watched in awe as her back healed ever so slightly. Similar gouges split open on Cuddles' back, fresh red blood running down his black fur in streams.

Wait, wait, wait. Pain Split works on humans in this setting? I definitely wasn’t expecting that, but it’s definitely a neat trick there.

"Gemma, we gotta get moving."

I poked my head up into the window for a moment, and I wished that I hadn't. The spiked shadow of an enormous rock monster stared back at me over the second floor railing.

Marcus:
nope-octopus-gif.gif


Though wait, just how big are Tyranitar in this setting anyways?
The tyranitar opened its mouth and let out a second deafening screech. I was ready this time though and I'd ducked back down behind the window sill and clamped my hands over my ears. Luna had found her way over to my side and Pride hadn't moved an inch since he'd ducked under the window.

The world shook with noise. I could hear nothing at all, just the endless ring of a noise that completely deafened me. I felt the wall shaking and watched as the tv screen shattered and it fell from where it hung on the wall. I saw the mirror in the bathroom crack and then shatter from where I sat.

Boy, it sure is a good thing that this Tyranitar is stopping to Screech you first instead of going straight to the part where it kills you after that initial -2 debuff.

Domitian burst from a flash of light through the door and the tyranitar stopped its screech suddenly. It turned its head as Gemma's machamp launched out and wrapped a pair of arms around the tyranitar's throat. They went down to the ground and I heard a loud metal crunch that told me they'd landed on a car.

What, no blaring alarm afterwards? ^^;

Though wait, was the Tyranitar like 8m tall or something, or was it camping on the balcony there?

Cuddles burst out the now open door and leapt off the second floor walkway, leading with his fists. He dropped out of sight and I heard a resounding crash from below. The tyranitar roared in frustration and the ground beneath the hotel shook in response.

I’m surprised that Marcus isn’t hearing more of a racket from nearby rooms, since you’d think that this would be something that would quickly start a general panic in the hotel and the surrounding environment.

Gemma grabbed me by the arm, pulling me off of the wall and shaking me out of my stunned stupor. "No time to fall asleep, Novice!" She half dragged me, half shoved me out the door. "Time to fight like you mean it!"

Once again:

de7.png


Lady, that’s a Tyranitar. And if I’m reading the prose right, it’s a lot bigger than what it is according to the Pokédex. This is one of those moments where you should take advantage of its base 61 speed stat and run like hell.

She dashed out the destroyed doorframe and along the walkway, shouting orders down to her two fighting types. I stumbled after her, in awe at her apparent ability to shrug off what had looked to be a life threatening injury. Perhaps she was running on adrenaline, but it was impressive nonetheless.

I mean, Cuddles literally made the wound half as severe as it originally was, so… though I suppose that’s one way of being reminded that Marcus is pretty new at this.

A booming shout from the motel's parking lot drew my attention. I glanced down as I ran, eyes landing on the imposing figure that stood there.

He was enormous, at least seven feet tall. His face was covered with a heavy and imposing mask. A bushy brown beard stuck out from the bottom of the mask. A scyther and a houndoom stood at his flanks. He held an absurdly oversized machine gun in his hands.

On second thought, I suppose running wouldn’t have done a whole lot if this guy is straight-up carrying that sort of heat. Though I kinda wonder if the “absurdly oversized” machine gun should be described a bit more in relative proportions to our attacker here, since I can’t tell if this is meant to be something like a Stoner 63 that’s actually meant to be shoulderable, or a “dude, how are you carrying this?” weapon like a M2 Browning that’s built to be able to disable trucks.

There was no doubt in my mind. This was the man who had attacked Gemma.

I mean, the
893935323938173019.webp
didn’t exactly make it subtle there. Literally the only way it could’ve been any less subtle is if blood was still dripping off those scythes.

He cupped his hands around his mouth and looked up at us. "Getting your friend involved now, Miss Sinclair?"

… How is he able to do that while two-handing a machine gun anyways? ^^;

Domitian sailed across the parking lot. The machamp smashed into the motel office and crashed through the flimsy wall. The run down wall crumbled, the floor above caving in and collapsing on top of Domitian. Screams of terror filled the air and I had the horrified realization that people had been in the rooms that had collapsed.

Oh, there’s the bystanders in the hotel. I’m honestly surprised we haven’t been hearing them very loudly ever since the first screech, really.

"Now I'm gonna have to kill him too," said the man in a calmly matter of fact tone. "Just like we told your daddy we'd kill you if you didn't do what we wanted."

Bruh, you’re very obviously stopping to show off and gloat here. Just saying, if you had Hyper Beamed Marcus’ room and sent your Scyther up to camp the smoking hole where the door used to be for anyone coming out, this hit likely would’ve been over a full minute ago.

Cuddles roared and I lost the man's voice in the chaos. I glanced over the railing and saw the tyranitar toss Gemma's bewear into a truck that crumpled under his weight.

450


Can’t tell if Domitian and Cuddles are just down for the count there. Looks like that 4x weakness won’t be saving you, Gemma.

Gemma grabbed me and hauled me to the floor as the man shouldered and sighted us with his gun. It erupted with automatic fire, peppering the motel face with a hail of bullets. Windows shattered and wood splintered over our heads and I curled up defensively on the floor.
She swore and raised another ball, again shaking me out of my funk and shocking me into motion. She peered around the concrete pillar she had sheltered behind as the gunfire sputtered to a stop.

I scrambled into a crouch and hunkered down at the next pillar.

I’m a little surprised that this attacker isn’t opting to at least try to put his Pokémon to work attacking Marcus and Gemma when you’d think that Tyranitar would have a leg up at pulling “rocks fall, everybody dies” on everyone, though I suppose it makes sense if you need to make sure you don’t get into a “opponent has +1 Pokémon relative to me” situation.

Gemma looked over at me, her voice a determined growl. "Find us some kind of wheels! We gotta get out of here!" She spun and tossed her ball as she shouted to me. "I'll keep him busy!"

Suddenly, I’m getting the distinct suspicion that Gemma’s not going to get out of this one alive.
701630550720512120.webp


I sprung into motion, dashing down the stairwell as her azumarill slammed bodily into the tyranitar and knocked it off balance. Cuddles tore into the suddenly distracted titan with a ferocity that defied his name. Both pokemon spun away in a violent tangle, trampling another car underfoot.

Wait, Gemma had an Azumarril on her team? From a text search, this is literally the first mention of it in the entire fic, so it probably does not make sense to mention it as if Marcus has known about Azumarril the entire time here.

I took the remaining stairs three at a time and hit the ground running, ducking behind the row of cars parked in front of the ground floor rooms. My pokemon stuck to my side, barely steps behind me as we ran.

Luna: “*Um, Marcus, you do know how to hotwire a car, right?*”
581848391965736980.webp


The man stopped firing again and pointed over at me with a shout. The scyther buzzed its wings and took off into the air and I lost it in the dust.

People were staggering out of the rooms now, kids were screaming. The man opened up again, forcing Gemma back into cover. It was utter chaos that I couldn't even hope to track.

This guy must be very confident in TR’s ability to sweep this under the rug, since you’d think that luring Gemma out to the hospital and drive-bying her given that she’s mobility-challenged without Lillith would be a much easier way to get his wetwork done without making the nightly news.

The scyther appeared suddenly, moving so quickly it was little more than a blur. I dropped to the ground as it swung, barely avoiding the bug's blade.

Luna leapt forward as we skidded to a halt. She growled and flared her tails as the scyther clicked its mandibles at us threateningly.

"Agility," I ordered as I scrambled to my feet. "Keep it off me as long as you can."

Scyther:
bender-laughing.gif

Luna: “*Hey! Take me seriously here!*”
732646451066306581.webp


Luna leapt forward, flames roaring from her jaws. A faint outline of violet light enveloped her and she tripled in speed. The scyther buzzed its wings and darted away from Luna's fiery breath. The two danced across the parking lot and past the tyranitar locked in struggle against Gemma's pokemon.

inb4 this guy’s Tyranitar picks off that Scyther as collateral, since Scyther and Rock-types don’t exactly mix well with each other.

I turned and ran again, trying to make it out to the road. Gunfire crackled from the man's machine gun again, this time answered by a couple that came out of their second floor room with pistols drawn. He adjusted his aim and gunned the pair down before they could even get into cover.

Well, that’s certainly a sign that we’re not in Japan right now. Though why on earth would you break cover to engage a guy with a machine gun? Someone clearly had been watching too many westerns.

A man burst out of the collapsed office, raising a set of keys in hand. He clicked at a button on the fob and the lights on the truck at the end of the lot flashed.

The houndoom leapt over the row of parked cars and landed heavily on the man's back. It clamped its jaws over the man's neck and shook like he was playing with a toy.

My nidorino was charging a moment later but it was already too late. The man was dead before Pride had even taken two steps.

Once again:

450


Though seriously, just how deeply penetrated is Kantoan law enforcement, since there’s Mexican drug cartels out there that operate with more subtlety and tact than Mr. Browning there.

"Horn atta—"

Domitian picked his moment to return perfectly. He burst from the collapsed office, spraying the houndoom with wooden shrapnel. The hellhound barely even had a moment to look up before Gemma's machamp hammered a pair of fists into its bony crest. It hit the car behind it hard as Domitian reached out with three of his arms and lifted it off the ground.

The houndoom bit and snapped, spraying the motel face with indiscriminate flames. The building façade ignited immediately and I saw flames immediately racing into the interior of the collapsed rooms. Domitian pitched the houndoom over the row of cars like the beast weighed nothing and then leapt after it to continue the battle.

No, Domitian, the correct move is to roll the car over onto the Houndoom. Even if “and then suddenly there was a car on me” doesn’t result in major bone breaks or internal injuries, it’ll immobilize your opponent.

Though I suppose that Gemma’s a bit preoccupied to give optimal battle directions right now, and I assume this is just what comes naturally for Machamp in this setting.
I grabbed up the keys to the truck, utterly refusing to look at the way the man's neck was bent. I returned Pride to his ball as I raced to the truck door and leapt into the driver's seat.

My Pa had never really taken the time to teach me to drive. But I'd gathered the basics of it through watching him with the family truck or the few times I'd hopped on the tractor and driven around the farm. So while I didn't know much, I knew enough for this.

So… automatic or stick shift?

And boy this would be a fantastic time for Marcus to just promptly back the truck into a pole.

I turned the key. The engine roared to life. I stomped on the brake and shifted into drive as the man's head swivelled, his attention drawn to the headlights and roaring engine.

He tried to turn and bring his weapon to bear. But the truck had already lurched forward and there was no stopping me. One bullet smashed through the windshield, showering me with glass as a second punched through the driver side mirror. The third whizzed past my face and I heard the thunk of impact behind me.

I hit him at speed. The truck shook with the impact as we went up and over him. I heard swearing and didn't stop to take stock as I swung the wheel and turned towards where Gemma was waving from the second floor.

Oh hey, it’s like the first episode of TLOU. This is going to end about the same with the guy getting up and not staying dead after getting run over, huh?

"Quick!" I shouted out the window. "Before the—"

The truck jumped to the side and spun slightly as a spear of earth rocketed skyward and missed me by inches. The tyranitar had apparently taken exception to being left out.

Gemma hit the truck bed a half moment later, slipping into the cab through the open rear window. "We gotta—"

My foot jammed the accelerator and the truck leapt off. A second spear of stone erupted from where we had been a half moment later. I spun the wheel and we turned towards the road.

And that my friend, is why you should’ve just Hyper Beamed Marcus’ front door and laid down suppressive fire to keep Marcus and Gemma from getting out of their room alive.

Then I saw him. The man was hauling himself back to his feet, using his tyranitar's tail to balance. I swore as Gemma's pokemon retreated towards us, nursing their own wounds from the battle with the psychotic tyranitar.

"This guy is indestructible," she cursed quietly. "Didn't you just hit him with the truck?"

Wow, it really is like that one moment from TLOU’s first episode.

I nodded furiously. "And I'm gonna do it again," I said coldly. I'd never purposely harmed someone else, but this masked marauder had murdered at least two innocent bystanders and likely more judging by the collapsed rooms. "Get ready to return your pokemon."

DpQ9YJl.png


He’s murdered at least three innocent bystanders that you know of. Since any non-joke legal system would have him be culpable for the death of your truck’s last owner thanks to his hell dog.

Though Marcus, why. The man has a functional machine gun and you literally were almost impaled by his Tyranitar not even thirty seconds ago.

"Marcus, are you—"

I slammed my foot down onto the accelerator. Gemma returned her pokemon as the tires squealed. We lurched into motion as the engine protested in against the aggressive action. I caught a glimpse of the man diving for safety and spun the wheel madly as we rumbled just out of the tyranitar's reach.

I swung back, swiping against a pair of the parked cars and roaring out onto the road properly. The road was empty and I pushed the accelerator down to the floor.

Oh, so Marcus doesn’t have a total death wish there. I was starting to wonder there.

"Where's Luna?" I shouted over the engine.

Gemma pointed up as my vulpix landed deftly on the hood of the truck. I grinned wildly as the realization that we'd escaped the madman came over me.

Lol. Lmao.

Just saying, I’m sure that Mr. Browning had wheels of his own to get to the motel.

A thunderous roar echoed out in spite. I felt the truck lift off the ground. The world flipped end over end and I saw the ground above me through the open windshield. Then the truck slammed down on its roof and we shrieked down the road, finally screeching to a halt against some parked cars.

Wow, that was even faster than I thought there. See what happens when you tempt fate, Marcus? :copyka:

I cracked open my side door and crawled out. I heard Gemma doing the same on the opposite side of the truck and looked around for Luna. She was at my side a moment later, nosing into me and helping me steady myself.

"I'm alright, girl." I forced myself up, pulling myself into a standing position using the flipped truck. I glanced back towards the motel and couldn't help the curse that fell from my mouth.

The tyranitar was stalking towards us, the grizzled madman supported by the massive pokemon with every step. A stone spear had erupted from the middle of the road. It had to have been what had flipped the truck.

Marcus:
how-are-you-not-dead-how-are-you-alive.gif

Hitman: “I should be asking you that question, really.”
648431671401644032.webp


"Gemma!" I shouted.

She didn't answer.

Oh. That’s a bad sign there.
635663776041140226.webp


I shuffled around to the other side of the truck and stopped dead. Gemma was simply gone, like she'd never even been there. I ducked my head into the truck and there wasn't even a sign that she'd crawled somewhere else.

Wait, so then did Sabrina blip in and Teleport her out, or…?

The tyranitar roared again. Another spear of stone erupted from the road, this time spearing directly through the truck cab. I swore and scrambled away as it rose into the air.

A faint pop behind me drew my attention for half a moment. I glanced back and saw her reaching for me. My hand went to my bandolier, tapping the return function on Luna's ball. Then her hand touched me and the scene shifted beneath me.

I felt my stomach squirm and my head spin, then the peaceful sky was staring back at me. Calm treetops shielded the early morning sun from view and the dew was still wet underneath me.

"You are lucky to be alive," said a girl's voice. "She made me go back for you. Wouldn't let you be left behind."

Okay, yeah, that confirms that Sabrina did indeed come to the rescue there. Not a moment too late, I see.

I raised an eyebrow as I turned. I had expected a teenager at the least, but the diminutive girl before me couldn't have been more than ten. A powerful alakazam stood at her side, watching me hawkishly.

[ ]

"Thank you," I professed said.

Well that was a fast confirmation there. I do wonder if we should’ve seen a bit more of Marcus’ thought process as to what was going on here. Like has he put two-and-two together as to this being Sabrina or what on earth just happened? Is he still confused as to what just happened, or…?

"I would have left you," she said with unprompted quickness. "But she wouldn't let me."

"You were going to leave me behind?" I asked, assuming that the girl was Sabrina.

I'd hadn't been able to find much about her during my research of the league circuit, and now I wondered if that had been because of her age. [ ]

Another spot where it probably would’ve made sense to get a bit more into Marcus’ head, since if nothing else, you’d think that he’d be a bit cranky or else concerned that this apparent schoolgirl was about to leave him to get shot to pieces by his attacker.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I wasn't told there were two, just the girl." She cocked her head to the side. "She wouldn't let me leave you."

"Thank her for me," I said quickly. "I'd have been killed if she hadn't saved me." I looked at her alakazam and decided that I should include her in the praise. "You too. I'd be dead if it weren't for you."

She just looked at me sideways.

Wait, where is Gemma right now anyways? At first, I thought that she was also present with the mention of “she” grabbing Marcus before the teleport, but I think the implication is that she isn’t here right now? If so, it might have been worth making that clearer, since you’d think that Marcus would be panicking to be in a strange place all of a sudden where he can’t see Gemma at all.

We were silent for a long moment, then I watched her disappear with a faint pop.

I sat there for a long moment, contemplating what to do. Then the adrenaline rush began to wear off and I felt the exhaustion hitting me. I laid back in the morning dew and just watched the clouds drift along.

No contemplation as to what on earth just happened or what on earth is going to happen to Gemma? Like I get that Marcus is kinda shaken up and out of things, but I’m a little surprised at how Gemma just faded from his thought process here. Like if nothing else, it probably makes sense to give an earlier acknowledgement of “oh, Sabrina’s here, Gemma will be safe”.

I didn't move for hours. I just watched the clouds go by, intent to enjoy the quiet peace of the moment. I had an absurd worry about racking up late check out charges, which finally roused me from my place under the trees.

It took me maybe two seconds to I recognize where I'd been teleported. Sabrina must have found somewhere safe and familiar from my memories, or just picked this particular place out of some absurd coincidence.

The small pond where I'd met Luna was exactly the same as I'd left it. The quaint stream that came out of the woods still bubbled happily. A few poliwag splashed into deeper water as I approached the peaceful little puddle.

I was home.

Wait, wait, wait. Just how far is the range of Sabrina’s teleport anyways? And does Marcus know that Sabrina herself has psychic abilities right now? That wasn’t established up to this point, and if it wasn’t, you’d think that his suspicion would be that her Alakazam was the one who made the call for teleporting him back home.

My hand dropped to my bandolier releasing Luna beside me. She tensed up for a quick moment and then relaxed as I knelt and my hand brushed against her back. She knew, without a single word being spoken, that I needed her in that moment. I was home, and yet I'd never felt more isolated than I did right then.

Luna seemed to sense my discomfort. She pressed into my touch and laid against my leg.

Marcus: “Oh great, now I get to go home and come face to face with all my family problems. Is it too late to go back to the psycho with the Tyranitar and the Browning right now?” >_>;

We sat in silent peace for most of the day. Luna and I watched the sky drift past, while Curie splashed in the shallows and Pride stalked the adventurous poliwag that ventured too close to my team's baby. I smiled happily at the sight of my newest team member being a protective big sibling. After the hell that had been escaping Cerulean, we'd deserved a little break.

I’m going to heavily take the under on this break lasting more than like a scene, just saying.

I left my team at about mid-day. Luna looked up at me in concern, but I just smiled and nodded reassuringly. She laid back down, lazily watching Curie splash water into Pride's face. The nidorino reared up and came down in a massive stomp, sending a wave of water crashing over my squealing happiny.

I mean… what did you expect, really, Curie?

Sounds of happy laughter and splashing filled the air as I walked away. It helped the plummeting feeling in my gut as my feet walked the familiar path. Soon enough, the sounds of my team faded away and were lost in the revelry of the forest.

whywouldyoudothat.jpg


Marcus, literally every bad thing that’s happened to you up to this point prior to the motel shootout has been some variation of you wandering off into places with wild Pokémon wildly unprepared.

The little stone tower was untouched, albeit obscured from view. It stood solemnly in the little depression that lay just off the game trail that led to the pond. The foliage around it had grown over, hiding the depression from passers by.

Wait, what stone tower? Is that to the town, or-

I scowled. This was where we had found her body. Margaret had followed me out. She had asked me to see Luna, after spotting the vulpix waiting outside the fence for me. She had caught me sneaking out that night to go train with Luna. I'd told her no when she had asked me, and she wasn't in her bed the next morning.

We found what was left of her that afternoon.

… Oh.
401074476474957834.webp


Though just saying, that sounds like all the more reason to not wander off without your Pokémon right now, Marcus.

My fists clenched tightly and my chest constricted. "I'm sorry, Margaret."

I had a sudden impulse and pushed through the brush that blocked the tower from the path. Something shifted in the uneven mess of brambles and wild foliage. The small memorial tower that I'd built tipped and tumbled away.

635368050278793216.webp


Though I suppose it’s impressive that those rocks have stayed in one place all these years with wild Pokémon running about.

My legs shook and I fought hard to breathe. This was where she had died and not one person had cared to mark the spot except for me. I knelt down, both reaching numbly for one of the stones and trying to steady myself.

Have you ever considered that your setting is such that nobody in their right mind would venture out into a place with known maneating Pokémon to mark a grave, Marcus? Like who on earth would normally risk life and limb to come out here to pay their respects?
1220916380468117705.webp


A noise behind me interrupted my troubled breathing and brought me back to reality. Foliage shifted, back on the path. I turned my head to look as Curie pushed through the undergrowth and whined loudly at me. Pride and Luna padded along the game trail behind her, both of them looking at me with concern.

"Hey, everyone," I said weakly. I sat back on the ground and let Curie climb into my lap. "Sorry to worry you guys. Guess I shouldn't have wandered off alone."

Luna: “*Gee, you think?! Marcus, what the hell’s gotten into you?! What if a wild Pokémon had found you like this?!*”
732646451066306581.webp


Luna walked over and nudged her way under my arm, laying against my leg. Pride plopped himself down a few feet away, looking proud of himself. He'd probably enjoyed the trip over. [ ]

"This is where I lost someone," I said to them. "She would have loved you guys. And it's my fault that she didn't get to meet any of you."

I think that it probably makes sense to tee Marcus’ dialogue up a bit more than what you’re presently doing, and yeah. I can already tell why Marcus hasn’t bothered coming home since starting his journey.

Tears came streaming down my face now. I couldn't hold it back anymore, but I didn't want to anymore. Margaret deserved that from me, she deserved so much more than I could ever give her.

"I… I…" my voice failed and I floundered for words. "I miss her. And it's my fault that I miss her. She wanted to come with me… she wanted to meet Luna that night." I looked over at my starter, who returned the mournful gaze. "I said no and sent her back to bed."

I mean, I don’t mean to be cruel, Marcus, but even in our world, kids are taught not to go off into woods at night for damn good reason. I can’t imagine that in a world like yours that “don’t go into the tall grass on your own without Pokémon” isn’t drilled into kids heads from literal preschool years.

I shook my head. [ ]

"I could have protected her. I should have taught her about pokemon. Hell, I was flaunting Pa's rules myself. It makes me a hypocrite to have refused her a chance to be set on the same path I wanted to be on."

I barely was breathing between words, my temper flaring.

"Instead, I failed her and she paid the price. I was rewarded with this lifestyle, this journey with you guys, and she wound up in a grave."

I feel like it probably makes sense to show a bit more of what’s going on in Marcus’ mind during all of this, since he’s very clearly in emotional turmoil right now, but in spite of the chapter being written from his point of view, it feels like we’re getting a weirdly cursory glance at how he’s processing things.

My pokemon didn't answer. But they didn't have to. They were there. Luna just laid up against me and Pride sat there chilling. Curie buried herself into me and gave me the most adorable little hug ever. I felt my breathing slow and felt some of the tension leave my shoulders.

"I love you guys," I said quietly after I'd regained my composure enough to talk. I glanced around at the rocks littering the small depression. [ ]

"Do you mind if we make the tower again? I built it for her, before I left with Luna." I looked around and felt a small weight lift from my shoulders. "I'd like for her to have something here to remember her by."

I feel like something is missing before he brings up the “can we make the tower again” part, since it’s not established at all that Marcus is even thinking about that. Even something as simple as “I stared at it for a little moment, and realized that I couldn’t just leave it like that.”

Curie hopped off of me and grabbed a rock. She lifted it and placed it in the middle of the clearing.

Pride nosed one of the rocks over to Curie, who lifted it and placed it gently on top of the first one.

Luna was there, ever the show off as she levitated a third rock onto the second.

I found a fourth and placed it on the top rock. I sat back and Curie joined me again. Luna and Pride lay at my sides, both of them ensuring that they stayed close to me.

Feels a bit mood whiplash-y to go from a gory shootout to this cute and tender scene here. Not in a bad way, mind you, but it definitely wasn’t something I was expecting so quickly. To the point where I kinda wonder if it thematically would’ve been better to make everything prior to this scene its own chapter and this the opener of the new one.

Most of the day passed as I sat there with my team, talking about Margaret and telling my team stories about my little sister. They deserved better than a grieving mess for a trainer, but I needed them there to support me. Being back in this forest, at the spot… it brought back bad memories and thoughts that I'd have preferred to remain buried.

Exactly none of that sounded healthy for you to be doing Marcus, just saying.

The sky was starting to darken when I heard the noise. I still hadn't moved from my place at the impromptu memorial for Margaret.

The wall of foliage that blocked us from the path shook with movement. I scrambled up to my feet, my team growling at the approaching noise.

Her smiling, oval face peeked through the leaves and brush. She had a wide brimmed sun hat over her head and was in the same denim overalls that she always was.

"Well damn, if you aren't a sight to see."

"Sarah?" I asked incredulously. "Sarah Walker? What are you—"

I think that it probably makes sense to give a couple extra details about Sarah here for readers to better visualize her and communicate that it’s a familiar face. e.x. Something like:

And then I saw her, just as she’d been when I left town. Her smiling, oval face peeked through the leaves and brush with her brown pigtails. She had a wide brimmed sun hat over her head and was in the same denim overalls that she always was.

Food for thought, anyways.

A pidgeotto swooped down and landed on her shoulder. I noted that a heavy leather pad sat there, well worn with scratches. A small growlithe padded out in front of her, growling protectively over my old friend.

"You're a trainer now?"

One of those Bird Keeper NPCs, I gather from her attire.

She smirked. "I don't have any pokeballs or nothing, but we make do." She knelt down and scratched the growlithe behind its ears. "Someone had to, after what happened to Margaret."

… Okay, but how? Unless if the economics are just wildly different in this setting, they’re literally on par with soft drinks for cost. .-.

I froze. I'd left that day. I'd taken Luna, Sarah had given me Curie's egg and I'd hiked my way towards Cerulean with hardly a clue what I was going to do.

"What happened?" I asked hesitantly. "After I left, what did my Ma and Pa do?"

She sighed heavily. "Lots of yelling," she started. "things haven't been good. But the rest of the families decided that someone should take up pokemon training… at least for some small amount of protection.

[ ]

With you gone… Jenny didn't want it and John was too scared to even look at a pokemon…" she shrugged. "It just kinda fell to me."

Right, Pokémon Trainers are apparently teeny minorities in this setting based on what was implied about pre-conflict Unova in The Champions. I’m still surprised that literally no one other than Marcus and now Sarah in their entire village trained Pokémon, though.

[ ]

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I shouldn't ha—"

"Stop," she ordered.

Well, that confirms my earlier theorizing that Marcus has got some serious issues internally with a reaction like that.

I fell silent, my hand brushing Luna's back as I tried to stave off the anxiety crushing my chest.

"You didn't do anything wrong." She sighed and looked me up and down. "Marcus, you're a good person. You didn't kill Margaret, that persian did. I get why you left, and I helped you get out in the first place."

She grinned and looked down at Curie. [ ]

"Heck, I got you that Happiny's egg from the fair on the day you left! I'm not blaming you for leaving. I might have even made the same choice."

Oh, I can already tell that Marcus is going to have a normal one if/when he ever runs into Gio if Gio in this story has a Persian like his anime counterpart. Though Sarah’s dialogue is paced as such that it probably makes sense to split up her dialogue and expand the “pause” in between the parts where she’s speaking.

She paused and then spoke again. "They… they don't blame you either. It wasn't your fault. It was a wild pokemon, it had probably been stalking the farm for a week." She frowned.

I stayed silent. I couldn't have said anything with my breath choked in my lungs anyways, and I think Sarah knew that. Her expression softened and I heard her sigh loudly.

She stepped in close, her pokemon remaining wary behind her. "Look, it's getting late. Do you have somewhere to stay?"

I shook my head. "Was gonna sleep out at the pond," I said. I shrugged. "Not the first time I've been under the open sky." I smiled at the thought. "It's actually really nice sleeping outside."

stupid-forest-gump.gif


Marcus, I get that you’re grappling with survivor’s guilt right now, but your sister’s mangled corpse was literally discovered here. This is more or less the definition of an unsafe place to spend the night.

[ ]

"You're home," she said. "You don't have to stay out—"

"Yes I do," I said with a small measure of force. My chest was easing slightly as I pulled myself back from the brink. I slowed my breathing and looked mournfully at Sarah. "I can't go back. Not there. Not while he's still there."

It probably makes sense to show Sarah react a bit more to Marcus’ insistence that he wants to stay here. Since. Uh. Yeah. They’re already in a place that’s known to not be safe, and you’d think it’d reflect in Sarah’s response a bit.

She sighed. She knew what my Pa had said. She knew what I had said. That she still was willing to talk to me at all was a miracle after I'd told my Pa that it was Margaret's fault for following me out at night in the first place.

Sarah looked down at her growlithe, then back up at me. She sighed heavily. "Come on, Marcus. Let's at least get you under a roof for the night."

"I can't—"

"Shut up," she said, annoyance creeping into her voice. "You aren't sleeping out here alone. Not with the possibility that the persian might still be around."

Ah yes, there it is. Though I kinda wonder if there’s a part of Marcus that’s just quietly suicidal right now, since it would certainly explain a few things about some of his earlier decision-making on his journey that were very risky on his part.
1137210299573878845.webp


I went quiet. It had been so long, but we hadn't caught it before I left.

She gestured behind her, at a small kart she had left there. "I already got your stuff." She smirked. "I figured that it was yours. Not many other people know where the pond is."

I think the “the” should be “a” here, since presumably Sarah having a cart with her is new information for Marcus and the “the” makes it sound like he’s seen it before and already knows about it.

[ ]

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

She chuckled and shook her head forcefully. "No, not really." She gestured to the growlithe. "I'll battle you if you say no."

Probably makes sense to show a bit more of Marcus’ reaction and/or inner thought process before he speaks up again, especially if he’s having his resistance breaking down and moving into the “okay fine” part of going along.

I sighed and looked down at my pokemon. I could probably win, but I didn't want to do that to Sarah. [ ]

"Alright then," I said. "Better get walking if we want to make it back by sunset."

Sarah smiled, wide and happy. It was an honest smile, born from having an old friend back for a night. Maybe my heart was heavy and I wasn't ready to smile like that while I was back here, but Sarah brought one out of me all the same.

Marcus: “This happy feeling is going to last all up to all of five seconds after I see my house again, isn’t it?” >_>;

The Walkers' barn sat uncomfortably close to my own family's property. I could see the lights on in the old farmhouse, and shadows moving as Ma and Pa moved about the house. I sat back in the dark, Luna curling into me as I scratched under her neck.

"You gonna go over there?" Sarah asked.

She'd changed out of the overalls, into a comfier set of track pants and a baggy sweater. It was colder now, and I was glad that Sarah had invited me in.

"No," I said. "I'll stay gone. They deserve to live in peace. I don't need to be around to remind them every day what they lost."

Couple typos here, and yeah. I had a feeling that those comfy feelings would crash and burn the moment Marcus saw his house again.

She looked down at the floor. "Kinda hoped you'd stay."

I stared hard at her and felt myself fumble for words. [ ]

"I… I can't do that."

Sarah nodded morosely. "I wish you could," she said plainly. "It ain't been the same without you." She sighed. "Would be nice to have another trainer around."

Another spot where it probably makes sense to show off a bit more of Marcus’ internal thoughts here.

"I…" I looked down and felt the weight of what I'd done weighing on me. "I never thought…"

Underlined feels like it would be worth showing off in more concrete terms / thoughts, since this feels a bit “informed attribute” at the moment and not really shown in terms of what it looks like.

She frowned at those words. "You never did do much thinking. You were always too busy dreaming about what could be that you never wanted to stop and think about how things were."

It was my turn to frown. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked shrewdly. "I knew what I wanted. What's wrong with that? My family didn't want to support me, so I went on my own."

Sarah sighed hard and got to her feet. Her pokemon moved to follow her, the growlithe sparing Luna and I a suspicious gaze.

"You had more family than just your Ma and Pa, you know? I hope you remember that sometimes. They weren't the only ones who lost you."

1laA_f.gif


Since… uh… yeah, unless Marcus’ entire family was just him, his now-dead sister, and his parents… I’m sure that they took him running away from home well™.

I nodded, guilt swelling up. Sarah and I had been really close, more best friends than anything else. I knew my Pa had been talking to her parents about us eventually getting married. I hadn't thought either of us had wanted that.

"I know that, Sarah." I looked her in the eyes and saw the hurt as she stopped at the door. "I'm sorry."

She blinked and the sad look faded. "He watches your battles," she said suddenly. "We all do. He's proud of you, even if he can't show it."

… Implying that Marcus proabbly shouldn’t bother stopping by his house if Father Wright can’t show that he approves of his son. ^^;

I couldn't help that my mood went even more sour at that. [ ]

"That's the problem."

Show a bit more of the “how” for the underlined, since it feels like another “told and not shown” moment with regard to Marcus’ mood and thought process.

She nodded. "I know, Marcus." She turned to leave and spared me a final glance. "Come back soon. Come back for a real visit. We all would appreciate it."

I opened my mouth and my voice died in my throat. I coughed and cleared it. "I'll… think about it."

She walked away and I was left with the impression that I had very much said the wrong thing. The thing is, I didn't know if I was capable of saying the right thing.

Underlined also feels like “tell and not show” again. Not really sure why that seems to be happening with Marcus’ thought process and mood in particular in this chapter, but it’s something that stood out to me.

I woke up with the sun and folded up the blanket Sarah had left me. Luna and I went out the back of the barn and I snuck through the berry field behind Sarah's barn.

I reached the fence and turned back to catch one last look at the farm before I'd leave it behind for good. Movement on the porch drew my eye.

Wait, Marcus can just casually cross the fence like that? Since I saw the sorts of fences that the farmers used in Eternal War, and you’d think that that wouldn’t quite be casually crossable unless that’s just like in the 1% of farmers’ fences in this setting.

I could see him there, walking around the porch with a mug of coffee in hand. He stopped moving, his head fixated in my direction. He could see me.

I stared back at my father in the distance. Neither of us dared to move. I knew that he rose early, but the crack of dawn was a surprise. I felt my chest constrict and fought the urge to turn away and show any weakness.

Sarah told Marcus’ father about his presence in town, didn’t she?

Luna trilled and leapt up onto the fence. She nosed my hand to get my attention and I finally turned away from my father.

"Thanks, girl," I said with a weak smile. "Let's get on the road."

I didn't turn back to see if he was still watching. It tore my heart to pieces to leave that place behind, but I just walked down the roughshod dirt road towards my future.

Marcus: “I mean, he didn’t even call out after me. So really, how much could he possibly have missed me?” >_>;

I wandered aimlessly south for the next few days, heading towards the tunnel to the traditional third gym in Vermillion. I devoted most of my time and energy into training Pride and Luna twice a day.

We mostly worked on sparring matches, devising counters and working on Pride's lack of mobility. We made slow progress, but Pride was stubborn enough that we made some progress through sheer will.

… Wait, with what supplies? Did Marcus even get a chance to properly restock after the whole saga in Cerulean? ^^;

I kept us to the fringe of the route, avoiding most of the trainers looking for challenges there. I was more confident in Luna and Pride now than I had been on the way to Cerulean, but still would rather they save their strength for training and wild pokemon.

Oh, so this is one of those “eyes meet, time for a battle” regions, huh? Though I suppose it’d make sense that Marcus would prefer to stick to the boonies in that case due to how perennially broke he was at the start of the story.

There were comparably less wild pokemon along route five, partly due to the proximity to two of Kanto's largest cities and the increasing urbanization of the area. It was still relatively heavily forested, but I came across more and more small communities much like the one I'd grown up in. We passed most of them without issue.

Most of the wild pokemon that we came across were weaker pidgey or rattata, with a few meowth every now and then. The few trainers that we did face off with were mostly two-badge novices like myself. I fared pretty well against them, only losing once to a girl who only had a politoed. I steered well clear of the three-badge trainers. We weren't ready for an intermediate challenge yet, something that I was acutely aware of.

On the fifth night, just after I got the fire started, my pokegear started ringing. Luna and Pride were lounging in the heat and Curie was snoring on top of my pack. I sat back, flipped it open and smiled when I saw Gemma's contact picture smiling at me.

Not sure how I feel about the five paragraphs of summarized time passing before we finally get into what I assume is going to be the meat of this scene. A part of me wonders if it’d have made sense to either condense some of that content, or else open the “present day” a little earlier at night as Marcus is about to start the fire such that you can interleave the summation of the events with some more “present day” stuff. e.x. showing his Pokémon resting and then commenting about the matches they’d been fighting or something like that.

"Was beginning to wonder when you'd call," I said with a grin. "Had me worried there."

"Sorry," she replied. Her voice was ragged and tired. "Just got out of yet another surgery last night, I've been sleeping so much. Apparently the asshole that jumped us poisoned his scyther's blades. Almost didn't make it off the table."

damn-son-damn.png


I’m surprised our hitman was clever enough for that given that he went in guns blazing and lit up half a motel in order to try and finish the job on Gemma.

"Definitely a better story than the paras," I remarked. "Glad you're gonna pull through, Luna got worried." I looked down at Luna, who rolled her eyes at me. "Any idea when you'll be back out here with me?"

She sighed heavily and I felt her frustration through the phone. "I can't. My back won't heal for a while and Father has me on lockdown until these threats blow over. He's been getting them for months, but this is the first time it was so serious and they've actually carried through on one."

This… isn’t the first time that something like this has happened to Gemma, is it? Since I saw her reaction to his revealing that he’d been getting threats earlier in this chapter.

I frowned. I'd enjoyed Gemma's company and I knew she was enjoying the mentor role. "Any idea when that'll happen? I'll be honest, I kind of miss the relentless teasing."

And all the free TMs and handicapping to put you on the glide path to stardom, I’m sure.

"Apparently the product in question doesn't launch until next winter. Maybe then, maybe after that. Father hasn't made up his mind yet."

Yeah, we’re never going to see her again in this story short of Marcus getting roped into Silph Co. antics. Since I’m not sure if this region can physically survive over a year of Rocket antics razing various locations to the ground. :copyka:

[ ]

"I'm gonna miss you out here," I said. "Not the same without you. I might just take it slow so when you get out, we have the same amount of badges."

"Don't you dare," she retorted. "I have less than nothing to do all day. You better be in the opening ceremony of this year's Indigo Conference, or else I'll literally die with boredom."

It probably makes sense to show a bit more of Marcus’ thought process in this sequence or else background events to break up his back and forth with Gemma since otherwise it’s all just a bunch of disembodied dialogue.

My smile returned. "Any tips for Surge then?"

I could practically feel the life come back to her voice. I heard her chuckle and felt a chill run down my spine. I knew what that chuckle meant. "Prepare for war."

-looks back up at the title-

So, that’s going to wind up becoming a lot more literal for Marcus than he bargained for, huh? :copyka:

I emerged from the tunnel after almost an entire day, shielding my eyes from the mid-day sun. The tunnel ran underneath Saffron, crossed by another tunnel running east-west that led to the Celadon-Lavender corridor. The stairs up to the surface were blocked however, heavy doors that looked out of place shutting every stairwell. Heavy doors that looked as though they were designed to stop an angry rhyhorn. Gemma had mentioned that Silph was stepping up security, but these seemed excessive.

Small typo there.

Curie squealed with joy at the sight of the sun and I felt her pound happily on my shoulder as we emerged onto a tall hill. It was all downhill to Vermilion City and I could see the sun sparkling out on the bay. A massive cruise liner was slowly pulling out to sea, wake spreading out behind it.

Oh, hello, S.S. Anne. So what’s the over/under of it winding up at the bottom of the sea in the next 5 chapters?

My hand dropped to my belt, releasing Pride and Luna. They bounded off into the brush, scoping out possible routes that would keep us away from most of the trainers along route six. They both returned to me within a minute, ears perked up and noses raised to the air. Something had spooked them.

I pulled out my pokegear and flipped over to the map tab. A flashing orange alert was overlaid on Saffron and the surrounding routes. I tapped on the alert.

CIVIL DISTURBANCES REPORTED. COMPLY WITH ANY/ALL INDIGO LEAGUE DIRECTIVES. SAFFRON CITY IS CURRENTLY UNDER LOCKDOWN. NO ENTRY/EXIT PERMITTED.

Oh yeah, that’s totally a good sign there. Though I knew we were going to see the Silph Co. takeover equivalent in this setting based on the outro to the last chapter.

I frowned. Gemma hadn't mentioned anything about Saffron being locked down, and the North gatehouse had seemed open when I entered the tunnel. Something serious must have happened.

“Something”, yes. :copyka:

I flipped over to the phone tab and hovered over Gemma's number. I shook my head and turned off the pokegear. She had enough on her plate. I didn't really need to know what had happened and I doubted that Silph would want their dirty laundry aired out to everyone who asked.

I can already tell that Marcus is going to really, really regret doing this in short order.

We moved south, cautiously as my pokemon were still spooked by something. Pride and Luna stayed within eyesight, both of them keeping the path ahead clear. Wild pokemon were more common here, along the stretch of route six that ran along the coast. Mostly rattata, but a few meowth came across our path. I swear we came across persian tracks once, but we never saw another sign of the Vermillion corridor's premier predator. I kept my eyes peeled nonetheless and the tension seemed to ease the further we got from Saffron.

Oh, I can already tell that Marcus is going to have a normal one the first time he comes across a Persian in this story.

We stayed just off the marked path, following along game trails that traced Route Five southwards. Luna kept up her practice with her burgeoning psychic abilities while Pride honed his thunderbolts. He still had a horrific delay while he charged the bolt, but he had noticeably improved the size and strength of the bolt itself.

We made camp that night under a clear sky. Pride and Luna sprawled out by the fire, with Curie curled up in my bedroll. I watched the stars for a long while that night. It was peaceful.

Not sure how I’m really feeling about how much things accelerate in terms of time and place in these last couple paragraphs though I can already tell that this peaceful night is basically the polar opposite of whatever’s going down in Saffron right now.

We woke with the sun. I packed my camp and we were on our way again. Surge was waiting, and we still had a long way to Vermillion.

Three days. I kept the pace for three days. Vermillion was less than a day's walk and I had to restock on supplies. I was running dangerously low on potions and only had enough food left for another meal or two from the supplies Gemma had bought me.

Ah yes, there’s the “perennial broke-ness” that we all know from Marcus there.

Most of my time was spent training my pokemon or chatting with Gemma. I spent a fair amount of time as well researching ground types as well. I needed another pokemon for Surge and while Pride would eventually gain that typing, I had no clue how to spark the evolution.

You have a superfluous “as well” in this section here.

Curie herself had begun trying to train, with hilarious results. She couldn't resist getting distracted by every single thing and our sessions were spent desperately trying to stay on track before it devolved into my whole team playing mindlessly with Curie.

It was nice, even if it wasn't all that productive. For better or worse, my team was my family. We deserved a little down time every now and then.

Not sure how I feel about two scenes that basically act as summarized actions. While they do get across the passage of time, they feel very “told” at the moment in a way that they wouldn’t if they were grounded to specific incidents during Marcus’ journey.

Something that I do recommend even if you stick to your guns with this format is to have Marcus’ attention not completely brush off what’s going on in Saffron. Since you’d think that he’d either wonder about it, or straight-up ask Gemma about what’s happening if he assumes that she has a better idea given that his rescuer from the whole motel shootout was Saffron’s Gym Leader and he’d likely wonder if there’s any connection.

We had made camp not even an hour before. Luna started me a fire while I hastily strung up my small tarp. It wouldn't do much, but I could tell it was going to rain. I didn't want to get caught sleeping in the open when it finally did.

My pokegear buzzed angrily and started barking a furious tone in my pocket. I flipped it open.

EMERGENCY ALERT. TENTA SWARM DETECTED IN RAINBOW BAY. ALL INDIGO RANGERS ROUTE TO VERMILLION FOR COASTAL DEFENCE. TRAINERS STAND BY TO ASSIST.

Ah yes, that sounds like a perfect time to go off and challenge Surge for a Gym Match. :copyka:

Luna barked once, then growled a warning at a noise in the trees. I looked up. Two kids were staring at us from the tree line. Neither of them wore a pack, but I could see the balls on their belts. Trainers. They couldn't have been more than eleven or twelve, they were just children.

Boy, childhood mortality in this setting must be something else if parents are just yeeting their kids into the boonies in the same setting where Marcus had a chunk of his ear eaten by a low-level bugmon. .-.

"Hi there," I said calmly, folding away my pokegear. "Can I help you two?"

The girl shoved the boy forward. He mumbled at me nervously, glancing back at the girl as he fumbled over his words.

"Slow down," I said. I returned Luna and Pride to their balls and approached the two kids. They were shaking, terrified of something. "What happened?"

"W-w-we were just training and…" the boy stuttered. He a dark complexion and his hair was close cropped to his head.

Rockets? I smell Rockets.

"It came out of the water," the girl continued. "Scared us away from camp and t-t-took our friend when he tried to stop them."

I frowned. Water pokemon were not my specialty. Even if I had beaten Misty, that was mostly luck and bullshit. Real wild pokemon would not hesitate to go for the easy meal. "What came out of the water?" I asked, a sinking feeling growing in my stomach.

… A Tentacruel? I mean, you literally just had a warning pop up on your Pokégear, Marcus. And you’re more or less in spitting distance of Vermillion right now.

"Tentacruel," the boy replied. He slowed his breathing and seemed to calm himself somewhat. "Two of them came out of the bay, right onto land. I thought tentacruel couldn't leave the ocean?"

Small typo there.

I scowled. [ ]

"They shouldn't be able to," I replied. "I don't know much about water types though. What pokemon do you two have?"

"Magby," said the boy.

"Bulbasaur," said the girl.

So yeah, just completely boned against a Pokémon that evolves at Level 30. Though it probably makes sense to show a bit more of Marcus’ thought process given that these kids have in all likelihood seen their friend die in front of them.

I frowned. [ ]

"Then we don't have the firepower to take down two tentacruel. Hold on, let me call in for ranger support."

Ditto here for Marcus’ thought process.

"Our friend has a hitmonchan," interrupted the boy. "And a togetic. He could help us."

Had a Hitmonchan, since he clearly isn’t going to be sending them out if the Tentacruel already dragged him under.

"And where is he?" I asked. "If the tentacruel took him…"

My voice trailed off. I didn't have the heart to tell two kids that their friend was likely dead already. [ ]

"Look," I started. "Either way, I'm not going in without some backup. You two aren't strong enough to stand up to wild tentacruel yet. Hell, I'm not even that strong. Alone, we all die."

Another spot where it might make sense to expand things a bit with Marcus’ thought process. The overall paragraph also strikes me as one that works better separated out into multiple parts.

"Ronnie needs our help, mister. Call the rangers, but we have to go now." He looked me in the eyes and I felt him looking at my very soul. "Trainers help each other."

That cut me deep. Gemma had said it to me before, as a happy reasoning for saving my life. Who was I if I didn't pay that favour back? I flipped over to the phone of my pokegear and dialed the ranger hotline.

Really now? They seem to spend more time picking fights and pocketing money from each other from my experience, even if that’s definitely a neat echo of Marcus’ experience with Gemma there.

It rang only once before it picked up. I could hear loud shouting, a dozen different voices talking over each other. "Indigo Ranger assistance line," said a gruff voice.

"I have an active emergency situation on Route Five. I have two kids trapped by a pair of tentacruel just south of Saffron. Possible third trainer already down." I hoped desperately that they had someone, anyone in the area.

Dispatcher:
tenor.gif

Marcus: “I… don’t even want to know, do I?”
401076862924750848.webp


The voice on the other end paused for a moment.

"Ranger coastguard is currently engaged with a large tenta swarm on Rainbow Bay. All other rangers have been routed to Vermillion for coastal defence." He paused for a long moment. "I've pinged Saffron Command, but they've got their hands full with the riots outside Silph. Looks like you're on your own, kid."

You have two very similarly-formulated bits with the Ranger pausing that probably merit changing the wording of one or the other to have a bit more variety. Also, your first one here could be combined with “I hoped desperately that they had someone, anyone in the area.” from the earlier block into a standalone paragraph.

I swore. Loudly. I turned to the two kids as the line went dead, my heart pounding in my chest. I was on my own, no backup to help me, no experienced trainer to pull my ass out of the fire. Just me and two scared kids to save a trainer in trouble. I had to help. There was no choice.

I mean, there’s always just going “not my problem” and moving on, just saying.

I got to my feet, clipping Pride and Luna's balls onto my bandolier. I looked down at the kids with all the confidence I could muster. They didn't need a scared novice right now. They needed someone to take charge.

They needed a leader.

"Take me to your camp," I said calmly. "Trainers help each other."

Marcus, don’t make me post the Bubsy macro again here.

It took us entirely too long to reach the camp. More than fifteen minutes passed while the two kids led me towards what I was sure would be the site of a massacre. We stopped about fifty meters away from the clearing. I could smell some terrible putrid odor, mixed with the unmistakable bitter stench of smoke. I ordered the kids to stay well back while I checked out the scene. I didn't want them to see what was left of their friend.

I crept through the trees, looking down at the clearing. A half dozen trees had fallen, knocked aside by the tentacruel when they'd come ashore. I could see the smouldering remnants of their campfire still belching smoke into the air. The entire clearing was damp and the trees that still stood had water dripping down them.

The tentacruel themselves were nowhere to be seen. There were several large scrape marks leading to and from the ocean, as though the tentacruel had dragged themselves on shore. I saw bloody tracks leading back to the ocean and felt a shiver going down my spine.

701450038513238106.webp


Yeah, that kiddo is dead dead. Guess that’s one way to emphasize how this is a cruel and harsh world given that we’ve moved from implied child death to “about to be explicitly confirmed” child death in this story.

That could have been this Ronnie's blood. Could have been his pokemon's. I steeled my nerves.

Then I saw it.

The hitmonchan was propped up against a tree, a bloody puddle spreading out underneath him. There was a gaping hole in the pokemon's chest and its limbs were splayed out at strange angles. I didn't see a togetic, or Ronnie.

Once again:

450


The tentacruel were gone, but the kids didn't need to see what had happened to the hitmonchan. They had things they needed in that camp and I wanted us out of here before something hungry smelled the waiting meal. I turned around and began to pick my way through the underbrush. A flash of yellow eyes in the shadows caught my eye and I stopped dead. I stared into the dark and felt a pit in my stomach.

I was not alone.

More than that, I knew what those eyes were. I'd never be able to forget.

Those were a persian's eyes.

Marcus: “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”
401076862924750848.webp


I let Luna out for my walk back to the kids, watching intently for movement at the edges of my vision. I didn't see the flash of yellow eyes again, but I knew that I was still being watched. They usually didn't let themselves be seen by their prey.

I looked down at the kids once I reached them. [ ]

"What do you need from your site?" I asked solemnly. "The tentacruel have left, but I don't know how long they've been gone. I want to be quick, before any hungry pokemon decide to take a look at the camp. Last thing we need is more trouble right now."

Marcus, why are you even raising this question right now when you’re all in immediate danger both from the sea and on the land. The correct response is to BS some excuse about how you need to leave right now and drag the kids along and away from this place. Kicking and screaming if you have to.

"Ronnie?" asked the boy.

I saw the hope in his eyes. He must have been close with him. I knew he wasn't gonna like my answer.

I shook my head slowly. "I didn't see him," I said. My voice died in my throat and I had to avert my eyes. "I found his hitmonchan. It… it wasn't good, kid."

The boy looked down at the ground. "Stinger didn't make it?"

I shook my head and watched the boy's world crash down around him.

"Look," I started. "you two stay here. I'll grab anything you two need from the camp. It's getting dark now, but in the morning I can take you both to Vermillion."

The underlined section should be described a bit more in terms of concrete things that are happening. e.x. if this kid’s starting to hitch and cry over realizing that Ronnie’s dead or something like that.

They both nodded and began relaying the essentials they left behind. I left Luna with them and let Pride out. I was loath to part with Luna for any reason, but I wasn't letting a persian ambush my new wards while I collected their things. Pride sniffed cautiously at the air and I knew that he could sense something was wrong. His ears twitched nervously as we made our way back to the camp, but again I didn't see the flash of yellow eyes.

Again, why are you doing this instead of focusing on bailing from the woods, Marcus?

I collected the kids' things and quickly stuffed what I could into my pack. I transferred the rest of their essentials from the smaller bag into the larger one and kept an eye over my shoulder while Pride prowled the edges of the clearing. By the time I was done, the light of the sun was fading rapidly and the storm clouds over Rainbow Bay were starting to move towards the shore.

I glanced over at the hitmonchan and felt a twinge of regret in my chest.

I crossed the clearing and looked down at the pokemon sadly. This could easily have been me, or either of the kids. Whoever this Ronnie was, he had saved the kids and given his own life in the process. I couldn't help but wonder what he must have been like, what must have been going through his head in those last moments.

Pain and lots of it considering how jellyfish stings aren’t exactly pleasant.

I knelt in front of the hitmonchan, knowing that the act of sacrifice deserved respect, and whispered a silent apology. I hadn't been fast enough to save Ronnie. But I could and would make sure his sacrifice wasn't in vain.

I got to my feet, still regarding the hitmonchan mournfully. Pride whined and trotted over to my side. I deftly scratched between the spines on his shoulder, drawing a satisfied grunt.

"Let's go, Pride. Nothing more we can do."

Um… Marcus? Who’s watching those two kids right now if you’re down here on the beach by yourself?
1137210299573878845.webp


I returned to the kids, again with the feeling that something was hungrily watching me. I didn't see anything, which infuriated me to no end. Both the kids had their pokemon out, sitting against the base of a tree. Their eyes were wide, scanning the encroaching darkness for any dangers. The boy took the pack without question and I motioned for them to follow me.

We made our way back to my camp just as the rain began to fall. I let the two of them crash in my bedroll and sat back against a tree. Luna curled up against my leg and I stayed there, just watching the rain fall.

I’m honestly shocked that things didn’t end with another of those kids getting dragged off into the brush with how Marcus knows he’s being stalked by a Persian and then just leaves the ankle-biters alone and not constantly with him at all times.

I nudged the kids with my foot. They stirred and slowly began to crawl from my bedroll. The sun was still hidden by the rain clouds and the sky was grey and dull. I'd stayed up the whole night, watching the darkness for any more signs of the persian. The foreboding sense that something was watching us never left, but nothing disturbed my watch.

"We should reach Vermillion by lunch," I started. "You can use my phone to call your family, if you'd like."

The boy nodded ecstatically. He clambered out of my bedroll and took my pokegear.

… Wait, why did he not do that last night after discovering the remains of their camp? Since it wasn’t mentioned at all that he had bad cell service there.

I turned and began to pack my camp. By the time I was done, the girl had woken and called her parents. They were planning on meeting us in Vermillion, along with the boy's father.

The journey to Vermillion went smoothly. We cut back to the main road through the route and joined the traffic heading to the city. Dozens of trainers were all heading the same direction we were. It was only a few at first, but more and more trainers kept ducking onto the route as we got closer to the city. Apparently the tenta swarm was pushing closer to Vermillion. They were defying all attempts at repelling them and pushing through the Ranger cordon.

And you all aren’t just flatly shooting the jellyfish to pieces with close air support right now why? Since we know that machine guns exist in this setting, and you’d think that we’ve gone well past the point of “Ace Trainer John Doe” being able to hold the fort down and have rightfully moved into:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCbfMkh940Q


territory.

I glanced at the kids. They seemed scared, but no more so than the day before. I kept them close to me and we just followed the crowd to Vermillion. We reached the gates before noon and called both the kids' parents.

Um… if the cordon against the Tentacruel swarm is actively failing around Vermillion, wouldn’t it be smarter to go away from it to some other town like Lavender instead of bringing a pair of kids here?
1137210299573878845.webp


Not twenty minutes later, two hysterical middle-aged folks appeared from the crowd. The balding man scooped up the girl in a crushing hug while the mother hysterically fussed over every single scratch on the girl. They thanked me half a hundred times, promising me a reward for saving their little girl.

I turned them down on the spot. I hadn't done anything really, just kept them out of danger after their friend had died.

Ronnie deserved that reward. Not me.

Okay, Marcus is officially confirmed for having Imposter Syndrome from a reaction like that. Though I wonder how normalized “do helpful things, get rewarded” is in this setting.

They left as quickly as they came, taking the girl with them into the crowd. The boy turned to me and I saw his question coming before he even asked it.

"Why did you turn down the reward?" he asked. "Lily's parents have money. They could have afforded it."

Just filing that one away, since I get the distinct feeling that there’s a strong overlap between “Pokémon Trainer” and “comes from means” in this setting given some of the undertones in The Champions when I read it.

[ ] I looked him in the eyes. I wanted him to know just how much what he said affected me.

"It was something you said," I started. "A friend told me it once before too. Trainers help each other." I shrugged and looked up at the grey sky. "You needed help. Ronnie needed help. I didn't make it in time to help Ronnie, I don't deserve that money."

Another spot where it makes sense to show off Marcus’ thought process a bit more.

He looked down at his feet, and I caught the tears in his eyes.

"He was my cousin," the boy said. "My mom only let me go on my journey because I was with him. Now he's gone, and all this is over." He looked back up at me, practically shaking. "I lose my cousin and my dream in the same day."

And now mom likely won’t let you go anywhere at all until you’re no longer a legal minor. 🥳

Though I’m surprised that there’s even an audience for yeeting pre-teens out into the boonies for Gym Challenges like this given that you’d think that incidents like these wouldn’t exactly be rare. Makes me wonder just how often massive city-destroying disasters happen in this setting such that that level of fatalism is present in Journey’s society.

"I know," I replied. "It sucks. Life isn't fair most of the time, kid." I shrugged. "You picked a dangerous dream. This life… this dream… it's not for everyone." I turned my head and lifted my scraggy mess of hair to show him my ear. "I got this right after I earned my first badge. I was embarrassed by it at first, but I was wrong. Things like this? They're the cost of living this life. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and if your cousin was anything like that then he wouldn't have either."

He looked at me as the tears began to clear from his eyes. "It looks so different on the TV."

"I know it does, kid." I dropped to one knee and levelled with him. "But if this is what you want, then you gotta accept that."

That… probably isn’t the sort of pep talk you should be giving a pre-teen who saw his cousin die less than 24 hours ago and is still firmly in:

gravity-falls-traumatized.gif


territory, just saying, Marcus.

He nodded slowly to himself. [ ]

"Thank you, mister…" he raised his eyebrow. "I just realized I don't know your name."

"I'm Marcus. Marcus Wright."

… How on earth did you manage to go an entire day without mentioning your name, Marcus?

"Thank you, Marcus." He let his tears fade and shot me a weak smile. "I'm Robert."

"Thank you, Mr. Wright." A deep voice beside me startled me. "Our family is in your debt."

I leapt to my feet, my heart pounding. I turned and gave my best smile to the towering mountain of a man.
"It's not a problem," I started. "My only regret is that I wasn't able to do more to help Ronnie. Robert here tells me he was part of the family."

The man frowned. "Yes, my nephew." He sighed heavily. "He convinced us that he could keep Robert safe." He crossed his arms and frowned. "I guess he did so."

You probably want to give a bit more detail regarding what this man looks like in terms of appearance, since it’s very vague right now since we just know that he’s a man and he’s very physically large.

Robert turned and hung his head. "I'm sorry, dad."

The mountain shook his head. [ ]

"We'll deal with it when we get home. You'll have to call auntie Dot when we get home. She's been beside herself since you called." He looked at me and gave me a weak smile. "Thank you for your help. Our family is truly grateful."

I nodded and smiled. Robert mumbled his apologies and thanked me without meeting my eyes. They turned and left without another word, disappearing into the crowd.

It probably would’ve made sense to describe the crowd a bit more in the background, e.x. general attributes and mood surrounding them and stuff like that, since they didn’t really feel “there” up until now.

My pokegear beeped angrily and I heard the alert of a hundred other pokegear in the crowd chirp along with mine. I flipped open the device and opened the alert.

EMERGENCY ALERT. ALL TRAINERS ARE HEREBY PLACED UNDER LEAGUE AUTHORITY. ALL TRAINERS IN VERMILLION REPORT TO LIEUTENANT COLONEL SURGE FOR ORDERS. TENTA SWARM ATTACK IMMINENT. CIVIL DEFENCE PROTOCOLS ACTIVE.

What, no civil defense sirens going on in the background right now or emergency broadcasts on the radio/TV? Since you’d think that these would be prime “get inside, now” conditions for the general public, especially with the vast majority of people that don’t train any Pokémon who would essentially be useless loads for a mass Pokémon attack.

Pokedex entry #53 - Persian

This apex predator has adapted marvellously to urban and semi-urban environments. Originally making its home in the large forests of central Kanto, this feline pokemon faced extreme habitat loss due to expansion of farmlands around Saffron City.

>adapted marvellously to urban and semi-urban environments

Ah yes, so Journey is like DnD where the alley cats can unironically kill amateur adventurers without much effort. Lovely. :copyka:

It has become noticeably more aggressive in recent years. Persian have been spotted wandering into smaller towns or villages and disembowelling family pets for sport. They have been known to feign affection in order to get close to humans. Any sightings of this extremely dangerous pokemon should be reported to rangers immediately.

Okay, so is there, like, a reason why these things aren’t just deliberately targeted for mass cullings with behavioral patterns like that? Or for that matter, why kids going into woods at all in areas known to have Persian in them isn’t dealt with in a similar fashion as “don’t go in the water, thar be alligators” is in places like Florida? .-.

Alright, that’s quite the tense ending note there. I’ll admit that I wasn’t really sure what to expect from such a long chapter, but it was definitely quite the ride there. The action choreography was on-point as usual. Like there were a couple of points where I found myself going “wait, why don’t you do [X]” in the motel fight, but they felt like departures that would realistically happen when dealing with an Ax Crazy hitman and targets who aren’t used to being shot at, and the fluidity and stylishness more than made up for it. From an “emotional component” side, the trip back to Marcus’ village added a lot to his backstory and it’s neat to see where he’s coming from, along with his inner demons that he’s grappling with that I’m sure we’ve not heard the last of. Also, I’ll give you kudos for setting up an unflinching premise and owning it. Since this chapter, we got a very clear look at how this setting doesn’t cut breaks to pre-teens attempting to live out a canon-style protagonist journey. There were a couple parts that got uncomfortable to read, but I think the story is better for it instead of taking the easy route and copping out, and it certainly is a memorable mood and tone-setter.

As for the more critical end of things, I’d like to start by preface things with saying that by and large, I felt that the chapter was already fairly well-written, and the polishing pass you did clearly paid dividends since in the grand scheme of things, I don’t have that many complaints. That said, if you do opt to go back and tighten things further, or else keep things in mind for your rolling touch-ups, there were a couple things that I noticed:
The first was that there were some recurring issues with “telling” and not “showing”, in particular with Marcus’ thought process, which was a little strange with how tightly the narration clings to his point of view. Like we get a great view of stuff blowing up and the world around Marcus, but a lot of what’s going on inside his head felt a bit underexplored and “told” to us after the fact.

Secondly, similar to some parts of The Champions, I felt like we were missing some grounding context for some of the harder-edged features of this world. It wasn't as noticeable as it was there, but I still had it happen for a couple of things in this chapter. For instance, why is “let little Timmy go off through the boonies where thar be monsters” even countenanced as something acceptable in this society given that it regularly gets adults that make such journeys killed? Why is the League not involving more “I cast gun” along with its attempts to fend off mass Pokémon incursions given that we know that machine guns exist and that it’d allow non-trainers to not be complete dead weight in such a scenario? Why do trainers in the area not just go “Lol. Lmao.” at getting summoned by text to go and fight infinity killer jellyfish and bail, especially if said summons don’t make a distinction for relative rank of trainers? Like I feel that all of the above have explanations that you had in mind that can make sense for this setting (e.x. “making it big in a Gym Challenge is a shot to fame and stardom comparable to getting a gig as a child actor, so kids and parents still take the insane risks in a world that’s creaking from economic instability”, “the authorities are going ‘I cast gun’, but the straggler Tentas are still numerous and dangerous enough to need trainer intervention to put down”, or “rejecting the call by the League in an emergency results in license revocation”), but they’re not cleanly articulated at the moment.

Lastly, and veering a bit off into “casting stones from glass houses” territory, but your chapter is very long to the point that it could’ve worked as two smaller chapters. It’s not so much the length that did it as opposed to the sheer amount of stuff that happens. Like you honestly could’ve hacked everything prior to the scene where Marcus comes across his sister’s grave into a standalone chapter and everything from that scene onwards into separate chapters as long as you could think of an additional chapter title alongside “Goodbye” (e.x. “Innocence” for the second half given that the common thread in it seems to be the loss of innocence in the most brutal fashions) since both halves at that point of this chapter felt full enough that they could’ve been chapters in their own right as long as a teaser and ‘dex entry was there for each one.

Though don’t be daunted by the large wall of text above, this is some good stuff @Joshthewriter . You clearly have been putting a lot of work into your baby for tightening it up and giving it its strongest presentation possible, and it shows. And I’ll be looking forward to seeing what the rest of the chapters I’m slated to review will look like. ^^
 
Last edited:

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, I’m in a bit of a slow and transitory moment IRL, so I figured that it was as good a time as any to go and make some progress tying down a bunch of loose ends that I’d had floating around, including that review exchange that you’ve been waiting so patiently on this year.

Anyhow, let’s get straight into the thick of things:

Chapter 6

Every battle is but one small part of the war. — Lieutenant Colonel Emmett "Surge" Roth

Huh, no ‘Matisse’ as part of Surge’s name there. Wasn’t expecting that given that you worked in Japanese names pretty consistently up to this point. Still beats “Bob” from the FR/DE localization, though.

I stood at the seawall, a pair of trainers flanking me on each side and soldiers milling around in a pair of small squads. I'd arrived at the rally point too late to catch a glimpse of Surge and was folded into the waiting defenses by one of the few Indigo Rangers on site. He had me change the dial on my pokegear radio to the local emergency broadcast and pointed me towards a particularly thin section of the defense, a small beach in central Vermillion.

>waiting defenses

Wait, but how can they project where the Tenta swarm is going to wash up anyways? Or is the idea that they’re trying to shore up the places that would be particularly bad for them to come ashore while the rest can afford some level of intrusion by the swarm?

I found the place easily enough, five trainers, a pair of grizzled old Rangers, and the two soldier squads waiting at the makeshift fortifications on the flanks of the beach with a second line of defences further back to pick off any straggling tentacruel.

Luna:
2bea4899-face-4ab2-bdd8-d586f04f71be_text.gif

Marcus: “Luna, can you not do this right now?” >.<

Though no air support for the known weak point at all huh? Not even by fliers in place of something like helicopter gunships. Yeah, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

We were lined up waiting, waves serenely lapping at the beach. I'd been placed in the second line along with the other trainers, with the Indigo Rangers taking up the forward positions on the flanks of the beach and the soldiers on the sandbags further down each flank.

… I’m sorry, but why are your immediate defensive lines right on the beach again when the Tentas can likely just do a group Surf and wash it all away? Also, surprised nobody’s already prepping some combination of stuff like Sunny Day and Electric Terrain given that they know exactly what their inbound enemy is and what its weaknesses are.

I was one of three novices at this particular beach, with one of the trainers an intermediate level. There was one elite-level, but he stood alone on the right side of the beach. One of the Rangers stood with him, deep in a rushed conversation.

whywouldyoudothat.jpg


Just saying I’m pretty sure that Robert and Lily qualified as “novice trainers” when we saw them last chapter. And considering how Marcus is arguably an above-average novice trainer, that sounds like at least 60% of the trainers are basically just here to be cannon fodder.

I do wonder if either it’d have made sense to attach the callup to something like badge attainment or else cook up some sort of category label for “2 or more badges” that’s above “novice” since you’d think that sending “Timmy no-badge with his Charmander from Oak’s lab” into a situation like this would be ultra-cursed and a PR nightmare.

Alternatively, if Journey’s setting is just hard-edged enough that “middle schoolers as cannon fodder” is part and parcel of the setting, it probably makes sense to lean into that and have Marcus have Robert and Lily on his mind since unless if there’s an age floor on these trainer mobilizations or a “no badges” level below “novice” for trainers, they would’ve also been called up for this defense, too.

Harold, the trainer to my right, shifted nervously. He was short and pudgy, a rarity for a trainer. We were usually hardy folk, not prone to pudgy guts or excess weight. Harold had seemingly missed that memo.

There’s no real mention of Marcus’ relative orientation to the other trainers. e.x. If Marcus was posted in between two trainers, it probably makes sense to do something like tape “I was posted between two trainers at the wall. To my left was So-and-So, with such-and-such features.” before the first sentence here.

"Heard they couldn't find any 'cool when the navy hit the swarm." He was an intermediate, having defeated Surge in battle the week before. "All 'cruel, took down half the initial strike force before they pulled back. It didn't sound good on the radio."

Oh, so there is military involvement in this setting. Though the underlined feels like it should be worked into the prior paragraph introducing Harold, since the detail feels a bit weird to bring up in between dialogue.

Though oh boy, it sure is a good thing that a bunch of trainers that literally have 3 or fewer badges are being entrusted to deal with a Tentacruel swarm that inflicted severe enough losses to force a withdrawal.

I turned my head and raised an eyebrow. [ ]

"That doesn't sound possible," I said. "But it does explain the pair of 'cruel that came ashore yesterday evening."

It probably makes sense to elaborate more on what Marcus’ thought process is here. Since while he knows what’s unusual about this account in-setting (e.x. if it’s uncharacteristically strong), we don’t as readers yet. And it probably makes sense to spell things out a bit such that we get a firmer idea of what’s “normal” here.

He raised an eyebrow. I explained the kids, and the horror scene I had discovered at the camp. He simply shook his head and looked back at the ocean as he muttered nervously under his breath.

Ah yes, demoralizing your front line of defense. That’s certainly going to be helpful for later. /s

The Ranger turned away from the elite and began jogging back towards his place on the left while yelling something that was lost in the wind. I followed where he was pointing and my jaw damn near hit the ground.

The sea was alive with movement as far as the eye could see. The swarm stretched across the horizon, churning the choppy sea into a frothy white foam. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. It was hard to see how my two novice-level pokemon would be able to make any difference against the endless swarm.

Isn’t it technically three since he has Curie? Though yeah, this is why I was mentioning that the trainer spread of who was there was Marcus sounded absolutely cursed for this situation. Since at least 3 out of the 5 trainers in Marcus’ group would be lucky to have any Pokémon above the equivalent of Level 20 right now.
1137210299573878845.webp


Trainers were obligated to assist Indigo Rangers whenever ordered. It was part of the League contract, part of the original reason for the Pokemon League's creation more than two hundred years ago. It was the civic duty of every single trainer to defend humankind when called upon. It was a part of life as a trainer, being ready to drop everything and defend our species from wild pokemon.

Oh, so “show up when we tell you to or we’ll yank your license” is just part and parcel of Pokémon training in this setting. That sounds like an absolutely terrible omen for how things are going with these Tentacruel if the League is dipping into “yeah, I know on paper you’ll be canon fodder, but show up anyways” for its emergency mobilization unless “We Have Reserves” is just institutionally ingrained in their strategy making.

Despite the knowledge that I was doing my duty to humanity, I felt a growing pit in my stomach. The swarm inched closer by the second and more than ever, I became acutely aware of my own mortality. There was a very real possibility that some of the trainers on this beach would not make it through the day alive.

Luna: “*Um… Marcus? Considering how most of the trainers here are at our present level of expertise and none of us are optimized against a bunch of poisonous jellyfish, it’s a very real possibility that none of us are getting off this beach alive-”
581848391965736980.webp

Marcus: “Luna, I did not need to be reminded of that right now!
401076862924750848.webp


My hand went to my bandolier, releasing Luna and Pride. They stood at my side, seeming to innately understand the gravity of the situation. They could probably smell the tenta swarm. That, or they just read the situation off of my tense body language.

Also, they can probably smell the cold sweat rolling off your body in buckets right about now.

The Ranger on the left turned to us, cupping his hands over his mouth to be heard over the swarm. "Get ready! Take down any who get through!"

Okay, but like. Have you all considered just. Like. Moving 300 meters inland before engaging these Tentacruel?

I glanced behind me, at the hasty barricade of cars piled up along the two boulevards into the city centre. They seemed tiny now compared to the swarm. I didn't see how just six trainers, a handful of soldiers and two Rangers could hold even a fraction of the swarm back.

I think that it probably would’ve made sense to establish the general surroundings earlier on in the scene, since my initial assumption was that there wasn’t a ton of urban density literally right behind the beach.

Though why aren’t they staging from those buildings to begin with anyways? Since you’d think that “herd the Tentacruel through a section of evacuated streets, snipe en masse from above” would be a lot safer for outleveled trainers like Marcus assuming that the building codes were designed in mind for “every so often, a bunch of fish will go ‘screw that coastal town in particular’ and throw a big wave at it”. Same principle for why urban warfare advantages defenders as long as they’re willing to let the surrounding city get chewed up in reality.

My hands opened and closed repeatedly and I found myself wishing that I still had my bow. I'd left the ruined weapon in the motel in Cerulean and hadn't had the funds left from Gemma's gift card to replace it. It would have been useless in a situation like this, but I felt naked without something in my hands to defend myself.

I mean, come on, Marcus. They’re jellyfish. What is a bow realistically going to do to them anyways?

We were nothing against a force like that. Barely even specks of sand attempting to stand before the storm.

Luna:
tenor.gif

Marcus: “Not helping, Luna!
401076862924750848.webp


A pair of helicopters buzzed overhead, heading straight out to sea. I watched them circle around and drop lower, searching for something. Maybe the centre of the swarm, maybe their leader, I didn't really know.

Why aren’t they just raining all the lead and/or depth charges right about now to either thin the swarm or else distract them from approaching.

I had larger concerns.

Namely, the rapidly approaching horde.

Marcus:
tenor.gif


The white water roared closer and I realized that it wasn't the wind that I could hear. It was the roar of the water as thousands upon thousands of tentacruel thrashed towards us. The swarm pushed further into the harbour and I began to hear the sounds of battle break out across the city as the swarm began to come ashore.

The beach began to stir with movement. The elite released his pokemon and the rest of the trainers did the same. I nervously patted Luna on the head for support. She pressed into my hand, sensing my bubbling anxiety.

Ah yes, engaging the giant mass of stinging death out in the open and not from behind cover and ideally a good 30 meters up in the air. I can already tell that this is going to be a massacre.

Though I get that the nameless trainers have a life expectancy of like a minute right now, but it probably still makes sense to give some specific Pokémon that are mentioned being sent out, since it gives a general grounding of how strong (or not) they are in this defensive line. An easy way to get around things would be to describe the elite’s in particular such that as Marcus pays more attention to the others, he can compare/contrast what they’re bringing to this fight.

Pride barked at my side, whining for some attention of his own. I obliged him with a good scratch under his chin. It did nothing to calm my nerves.

Harold had released an electabuzz and a gloom, both of which huddled close to him. The other two trainers were novices, both of them releasing a pikachu.

Huh. I’m just realizing that everyone in this group has someone that can use Electric-type attacks. If that was a part of the specific logic of assigning who went where, it probably makes sense to mention that explicitly in the narration earlier on.

I glanced down at the rangers and the elite. A rhydon and a nidoking stood shoulder to shoulder in the centre of the beach. A raichu and a jolteon stood at the flanks of the beach. The elite had a scizor at one shoulder. A hulking magmortar stood at the other, careful to stand at a safe distance from the steel bug.

Oh, so there’s the Elite’s team.

It was an impressive force in its own right, but the swarm seemed absolutely endless.

Pride: “*I really did not need a reminder of that right now.*” O.O
Luna: “*Marcus, this is insane! Why on earth are we not just writing off the first block of the city and setting up lines inland? There’s less open area that would need to be defended!*”
581848391965736980.webp


"Ever been a part of civic defense before?" Harold asked, breaking my contemplation.

I shook my head. "Started traveling nine months ago. Only been properly registered for six or so months. Earned my second badge..." I trailed off into thought at the whirlwind that leaving Cerulean had been. "Just under a week ago."

Harold:
giphy.gif

Marcus: “Okay, seriously, can everyone stop reminding me about that right now?” >_>;

"Damn," he replied. "Two badges in six months? Colour me impressed, kid. What's your name?"

"Marcus." I refrained from mentioning that I'd won both badges in the span of two months time. It was not the time for boasts.

Okay, yeah, Harold’s totally not going to leave this beach alive. I can already tell.

He looked back down to the beach. [ ]

"Well, Marcus. This is the third time I've been called on since I started out two years ago. It's probably not gonna be a walk in the park, but the Rangers and the soldiers will see us through."

press-x-to-doubt-la-noire.jpg


Especially since I recall getting spoiled in Discord that there’s now a moment where a group of said soldiers gets murked in this chapter.

I looked down at the beach as the tentacruel began to beach themselves. The soldiers opened up, raining automatic gunfire onto the swarm. It wasn't enough to even slow them down. The horde simply swallowed the tentacruel that did fall to the opening barrage, of which there were far too few to make a difference.

>automatic gunfire

My boy, this is one of those situations where you want artillery and close air support and not your piddly little small arms fire. Along with all the weather effects that can make Water-types miserable that you can muster at the moment.

The rhydon and nidoking were there on the beach, dispatching the 'cruel with every movement. Still, they came by the hundreds, more and more of the creatures forcing themselves ashore.

The two titans gave way, ceding the beachhead as the ranged attackers began to really bombard the tentacruel. Bolts of lightning leapt across the beach, energy balls sliced through thrashing tentacles, a frozen beam of blue light erupted from the nidoking and impaled the centre of the swarm.

Pride: “*I’m sorry. And you’re not just using Earth Power on all those Tentacruel right now why?*”
Nidoking: “*Oi, piss off and stop playing armchair trainer, runt!*” >_>;

The front line of the mass withered under the fire, but more tentacruel pushed through the barrage and slowly but surely began to gain ground. The dead were simply absorbed by the encroaching horde.

Again, this is why y’all should’ve been setting up Electric Terrain to rain all the electric death onto the swarm right now. Oh, and bringing in some actual AOE attackers since someone with Discharge or Earthquake would’ve been really handy at the moment.

There was no stopping them, not with how many there were. We were pounding them, the soldiers firing constantly and our pokemon doing the same. The tentacruel were just forcing their way through all of it with the sheer force of their numbers. The weight of the swarm in the bay pressed them inland and forced countless tentacruel ashore and into range.

I kinda wonder if the realization of “they’re just still coming” should’ve been more of a process that we got to see play out more, since the general “coming ashore” sequence at the moment feels very “summarized” at the moment.

Luna raised her head, another energy ball gathering in her jaws as Pride shocked one of the lead tentacruel. She released the attack and I watched it shear through a tentacruel's beak and into the blubbery mass of its body. The swarm simply swallowed the injured mon, a dozen more of the tentacruel climbing over it to advance inland.

Luna and Pride were never mentioned attacking explicitly up to this point. Like we got a mention of others on the beach attacking, but not Marcus and his team themselves.

Also, that doesn’t seem remotely natural from how those Tentacruel are just casually disregarding their own self preservation. Given the title for this part of the story in general, I’m going to put my money on “radio waves, son” given that we know that Team Rocket messes around with that in canon.

The elite's scizor disappeared in a metallic blur. It carved a path through the swarm, a trail of amputated tentacles and shredded carcasses in its wake. An eruption of flame from the magmortar washed over the swarm, vaporizing the front line of tentacruel completely. A second blast punched a hole clean through the centre of the swarm and left it scattered.

Boy, just how high level is that Magmortar anyway given that it’s able to do that while at a type disadvantage. Also, how has nobody gotten hit yet considering how Tentacruel have like four different ranged moves that they can use by the time they evolve?

The scizor doubled back, a mirage of death that simply left nothing living in his wake.

My jaw hit the floor. The elite decimated the swarm in moments. It went from an unstoppable wall of death to a scattered few survivors in one exchange. More tentacruel dragged themselves ashore as the barrage continued, but the scizor was there, cutting through the swarm before it could reestablish a proper beachhead. The magmortar lumbered over to the shore, flame already leaking from her hand cannons.

Dead!Tentacruel: “I call hax.” X_X
Elite!Scizor: “Yeah, yeah, cry more about it. Nobody forced you to deliberately not use Water Pule in favor of close-quarter combat.”

The rhydon and nidoking were there, pushing back on the tentacruel still coming ashore. A few of the swarm managed to push through but found their deaths at the claws of the scizor not ten feet inland.

The magmortar erupted again, fire streaming from both cannons and washing over the swarm. The water erupted into steam on contact with the jets of flame and I couldn't help but marvel at the raw power of the fire-type. I heard a terrible screech of pain and I realized that the swarm was screaming as the magmortar attempted to boil it alive.

Um… Marcus? Given all the attention that the story is putting on this Elite’s Pokémon, that’s kinda a big red flag that they’re going to-

[ ] Then I saw them. The tentacruel had forced themselves up on a concrete jetty on the right side of the beach and torn the soldiers there to pieces in mere moments. Only a few had managed to pull themselves up the sheer wall and onto land, but even one slipping behind the front line could cost us the entire defence. I saw it all unfold in my mind, envisioning the trio of tentacruel descending on the elite with the hole in our defences before he could turn and face it.

Oh, so there’s the moment where those soldiers bite it. Though I’m not really feeling the transition at the moment since it feels very abrupt from the “and then the Elite fried another dozen Tentacruel” moment. Consider something like the throwaway example below:

And then I heard other screams that made my blood run cold. Human screams, coming from the right side of the beach. I briefly saw one of the Pikachu trainers staring with her face pale, and then I saw them:

Over on the concrete jetty on the right side of the beach, the tentacruel had forced themselves up, and
torn the soldiers there to pieces in mere moments. Only a few of the Tentacruel had managed to pull themselves up the sheer wall and onto land, but even one slipping behind the front line could cost us the entire defence. I saw it all unfold in my mind, envisioning the trio of tentacruel descending on the elite with the hole in our defences before he could turn and face it.

Some food for thought, anyways.

I knew what we had to do. The second line of trainers wasn't being tested, wasn't offering any real support from this distance. All we were doing was wasting our energy. We weren't having any effect on this battle.

But we could.

We had to.

I’d say that those are some famous last words, but we know that there’s like 30 more chapters after this before we get current with the plot.

"Harold, the right flank," I started. "It's gonna fall, the soldiers are gone."

Marcus: “So soldiers with automatic weapons but no Pokémon at all are at a disadvantage in this setting. Good to know. How did they not have a single trainer assigned to them anyways?” .-.

He shook his head and pointed at the elite. "That's an elite. He's fine."

Harold, do you not have any idea how badly you’re jinxing things right about now?

I shook my head and pointed. The tentacruel were hauling themselves ashore, another pair pulling themselves up the wall to escape the boiling water. The soldiers were dead and gone and the path was open. The swarm below was realizing they had a path ashore and were beginning to push harder up the wall.

I grabbed Harold by the arm and pointed with the other. "We gotta go now!"

Harold followed my arm and swore. He whipped his head around, looking at the other two novices. "Hold the centre," he ordered.

de7.png


I didn't hear their responses. I was already sprinting to the jetty with my pokemon at my sides. I couldn't just stand and watch as our defence failed. Not while I could act and do something.

Not while I could help.

Harold: “Seriously, do you have a deathwish or something?!” >_>;
Marcus: “Probably, but look, I’m not going to just sit on my ass and wait for the line to collapse!”

Luna dashed ahead of me as I moved, an energy ball swirling in her jaws. She loosed her attack as Pride bounded past both of us. He lowered his shoulder and slammed into the lead tentacruel just as Luna's energy ball impaled its bulbous crown. It stopped short, falling backwards into the trio of tentacruel that had climbed ashore. The one in the back clumsily slipped off the jetty and knocked the rest of the tentacruel attempting to climb up off back into the water below. I watched four of the pokemon splash back down in the water and felt a small sigh of relief.

Cue the Water Pulses in 3… 2…

Pride crackled with electricity before I even gave the order. I grimaced as I realized that he was too close to effectively hit all the tentacruel. It would hit one, and only one.

Again, this sure would’ve been a good time to have a Pokémon on the defensive line that could use Discharge, just saying.

"Thunder punch!" Harold roared as he dashed to my side.

His electabuzz was alive with lightning, his fists wreathed in living electricity. He pummeled into the tentacruel, beating back a pair of the wild pokemon before they could roll over Pride and force us back.

Pride erupted with lightning, skewering the first tentacruel as it attempted to rise. The pokemon convulsed rapidly, tentacles writhing as my nidorino electrocuted it relentlessly. He cut off the bolt and I watched him sag with exhaustion.

Marcus:
giphy.gif

Pride: “*Gee, how do you think I feel right now?!*”
401074476474957834.webp


We weren't used to battles of attrition like this and it showed. Pride was flagging from the exertion of all the thunderbolts he'd loosed and even Luna was starting to slow her barrage of energy balls. [ ]

"Push them back into the water!" I shouted, trying to rectify the breach in our defence. I turned to Harold. "Get ready to shock the water!"

I think that you should show more of the actual thought process that Marcus is having here going from “picking off one at a time” to “wait a minute, the water”, since that’s not really cleanly shown at the moment.

Pride lowered his shoulder and plowed into the tentacruel. Harold's electabuzz joined him a half a moment later. Luna's eyes flashed as one of the tentacruel attempted to drag itself over its comatose kin. I watched the tentacruel's form ripple slightly and it went completely slack. It collapsed on top of the first tentacruel, beak agape and tentacles slack.

I stared at that tentacruel while our pokemon shoved them back towards the water. Its proportions were all wrong, its crown bulbous and misshapen like it had undergone an extreme growth spurt on certain parts of its body. Only two tentacles protruded from the bottom of its crown.

I stared harder. The longer I looked the more I noticed. Its beak was misshapen, only half as large on top as it was on the bottom. This was no ordinary tentacruel.

Translation: It’s not a Tentacruel, it’s a just very big Tentacool.

… Wait.

795119682369093724.gif


This is Journey’s equivalent to that episode from the early anime with the giant Tentacruel, isn’t it? Meaning that the real threat hasn’t arrived onshore yet, huh?
698047915079237695.webp


Also, recall that “its” is the possessive for “it”, while “it’s” is the contraction for “it is” or “it has”. You had a number of mixups between them in this section.

My eyes flitted to another one of the tentacruel, spotting the same kind of deformities as I had on the first one. I looked over at Harold as the pair of still conscious tentacruel splashed down into the bay atop their brethren.

"Something's wrong with them."

He shot me a look. "With who?"

"The tentacruel," I replied. "They don't look right. Almost like they didn't evolve properly."

I strode over to the two tentacruel still on land and hauled the top one off the pile with surprising ease. It shouldn't have been that light.

"Look," I said. "The crown is all messed up and there's not enough tentacles."

Oh, so this really is going to turn out to be a “radio waves, son” episode. Since I remember this being the explanation for how the Red Gyarados in the Lake of Rage worked in the anime.

Harold shuddered slightly at the sight of the tentacruel. "There's plenty of tentacles for me."

I shook my head. [ ]

"Put that aside for a moment. The swarm is all tentacruel. That's not something that should be possible in nature." I looked out at the bay, watching the pair of helicopters circling lower. "This wasn't a natural event."

Wait, is there still fighting going on in the background right now? Since you’d think that this would be kind of a bad time to just go and fondle the deformed Tentacruel corpses if others are busy with a life-and-death battle in the background.

Also, it is probably worth showing off a bit more background context/exposition/thought process from Marcus in the narration, since there’s a lot of context behind this that I think that we’re missing. Even if it’s something as simple as “swarms of Pokémon didn’t just all come only in their most evolved forms, they were mixtures of different morphs, like the pack that Pride had come from” that provides the context by tying things back to past events.

A bolt of lightning erupted from the first helicopter. It forked and split into a dozen points of white hot light that eagerly leapt to the water below. A second bolt from the other helicopter dwarfed it, washing over the swarm and bathing the bay in electricity.

Luna: “*I’m sorry, you were able to do this all this time and just didn’t?! People are literally dead because you didn’t do this two minutes ago!*”
732646451066306581.webp

Marcus: “I think I remember something about ‘probes needing to be scattered’ but… Yeeeeeah. Those soldiers should’ve really informed is as to why the electric discharge would take that long to deploy.”
701630550720512120.webp


I stepped back as Pride turned and kicked the last of the tentacruel off the pier with his hind legs. He glanced at me, almost pleading for an end to the battle.

"Thunderbolt!" I shouted. There would be no reprieve until the work was done.

Pride: “*But Curie isn’t helping right now! Have her fill in!*”
1146196020993200158.webp

Marcus: “Pride, she’s a baby!
785236292803100683.webp

Pride: “*You said she helped you win your first Gym Badge! She can’t be that helpless!*” >.<

Harold was beside me, ordering his electabuzz to do the same. Our pokemon stepped up to the ledge, electricity sparking and racing along Pride's spines and between the electabuzz's horns. They loosed their attacks together, bathing the swarm in electricity as Surge did the same from the helicopters.

Uh… you never mentioned Surge being present in those helicopters all this time. I feel like that’s at minimum something that should’ve been mentioned in a “oh yeah, that’s something we know” capacity much earlier on either in the briefing with Surge or the first sighting of the helicopters.

Though that does make me wonder if the whole “where have you been all this time”-ness of the helicopters could’ve been avoided by having Surge’s chopper move from site to site in Vermillion, since you’d think that a lot of places on the frontline would benefit from this whole “mass deletion” ability and Surge having to prioritize other fronts before coming back would be a pretty convenient explanation for why he didn’t just do this five minutes ago.

I glanced sideways at the misshapen tentacruel. It stared back at me with dead eyes. I felt a pit grow in my stomach and I knew that the sight of that grotesque mockery of evolution would haunt me in my sleep.

I averted my eyes. I still had a city to defend.

Pride: “*Wait, there’s more?! How?! And come on, Marcus, you can’t just keep us going like this! At least break out an Ether or something-!”
401074476474957834.webp


Surge had decimated the centre of the swarm from the choppers, leaving us with the remnants of the tentacruel still coming ashore. At least half of the swarm disappeared out to sea. Surge then pressed towards land, trapping the rest of the swarm up against Vermillion's harbour. The choppers were still closing, bolts of lightning wiping out entire swathes of the swarm.

Harold was further down the pier, pushing the swarm back into the water. They'd attempted to come ashore further down to avoid us again. More trainers had come from other positions, spreading themselves out along the shore of Vermillion. We held the swarm at bay while Surge systematically slaughtered the rest of them. It wasn't until silence fell on the city and the water finally fell mercifully still that I let myself relax.

So, uh… does the navy in this setting just not have Pokémon of their own given that they got mauled out at sea and the non-trainer military are the owners of the only KIAs (that we know of) on this beach? Since you’d think that if anything, there’d be obvious military applications for Pokémon training. ^^;

I looked down at the beach. It was covered in dead tentacruel. The elite and the two rangers stood in the centre of the carnage, their pokemon battered and bruised but still standing strong.

I wandered over to the beach, horrified by the scene. Every step brought more death, more terror. The tentacruel were misshapen and hardly half-evolved. Each and every one of them were disfigured in some fresh way, stunted in some horrible new way. Where they weren't misshapen by their failed evolutions, they had been torn apart by our pokemon.

Luna: “*Mmm… all you can eat chuka karaage…*” 🤤
Marcus: “Luna, can you not right now?”
825829838748516382.webp


I looked over at the Rangers and elite, deep in a hushed conversation. [ ]

"What's wrong with them?" I asked as I approached, bluntly forcing myself into the conversation. Decorum be damned, I wanted answers after being forced into this hellscape. "It's like they're still half a tentacool."

This feels like another spot where things would’ve been better getting to see a bit more of Marcus’ thought process before he speaks up.

The elite turned his head and I felt his cold glare on me. His hair was the colour of snow, his eyes piercing grey. I shuddered as he regarded me with that cold, unforgiving stare.

"That is what we were just discussing, novice."

I frowned. "My name is Marcu-"

"I know who you are. Just like all the rest." He turned away with a disgusted sneer on his face. "Just a prideful fool who thinks himself above orders."

Marcus:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQrCNnSnsiM

“I’m sorry, excuse me? Where the hell is this coming from?”
648431671401644032.webp


I raised an eyebrow and glanced at the Rangers. Neither of them said anything. This elite-level trainer had them cowed into submission. [ ]

"Look, you asshole," I started, facing down the trainer with strength I didn't know I had. I'd proven myself here and I was in no mood to be spoken down to. "I don't know who you are and I don't particularly care. But at least show some appreciation when someone watches your back for you."

I think that Marcus’ frustration is something that should’ve be built up a bit more before he starts going into his tirade, since he’s not cleanly established as feeling miffed up until he starts talking.

He cocked his head to the side and gave me a cold smile. "What makes you think I don't already have someone to watch my back?"

I felt the temperature drop imperceptibly as a shiver ran down my spine. A shadow shifted behind the elite and my eyes widened as the shadow thickened into a shapeless form clad in a wide brimmed hat and flowing robes. I couldn't see its face under the hat, only two glowing eyes that called to me, chanted my name. They wanted me, wanted me to-

Oh, hello, Mismagius. Or at least I think you’re Mismagius.

Luna snarled and stepped in front of me, smoke curling out from her jaws. I snapped out of the trance and nearly stumbled over my own feet. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and tried to block out the terrifying urge to throttle the elite trainer where he stood.

[ ] He looked down at Luna with an expression of amusement.

"Such loyalty," he started as his smirk faded. "Impressive, for a novice."

He turned back to the rangers and bowed his head.

"It has been an honour, gentlemen." He looked over at me. "Novice," he said, bowing his head. He strode off into the city without another word.

Wait, does Marcus understand what on earth just happened there? Since it wasn’t really clear to me as a reader. Also, I feel that the elite’s paragraph should be broken up into a few parts with the descriptions expanded.

I watched him go, my eyes burning holes into the back of his head. "Who was that prick?" I asked, before he was out of earshot.

Harold walked up to my side. "Elias Greenwin, runner up at last year's Indigo Conference." He turned to the rangers and bowed his head slightly. "Rangers," he said in a respectful tone.

Well, I’ll take that as a sign that this won’t be the last we see of him. Harold either given that contrary to my expectations, he turned out alive and quite well so far.

They nodded back and looked over at me. "You said something about the tentacruel?"

I turned away from Elias' retreating form and looked back at the rangers. "Yeah, there was something wrong with them. It was almost like it hadn't finished evolving."

The Ranger on the left furrowed his brow. "We noticed too," he replied. "Reports from all over the city are saying the same things."

Again, if this isn’t that radio signal thing that Team Rocket used in the Johto games to force-evolve Pokémon, I’ll be genuinely shocked.

His colleague took over. "If it's any consolation, that's definitely a good thing. A full swarm that size of all tentacruel should have breached the city worse than this."

"How bad?" I asked.

The rangers looked at each other and then back at me. "We're not really supposed to share that information," the one on the left started. "But it wasn't good. At least two dozen trainers still missing, sixty-eight confirmed deaths so far."

He shook his head. [ ]

"At least the civvies were evacced to the shelters before the swarm hit. They made it a few blocks inland on the southwest shoreline."

So how often do these mass raids happen in Journey’s setting anyways? Since if a glorified Tentacool raid can kill somewhere in the neighborhood of 70-90 people with active organized resistance, I’m honestly shocked that human society isn’t in active demographic freefall if they have kids at roughly the same rate as IRL people.

He glanced in the direction that Elias had disappeared in and then back at me. [ ]

"You know, he may be a prick but the swarm didn't breach our line primarily because of him."

"We pushed them back when they tried to flank him," I protested, pointing out the actions we'd taken when the soldiers on the right flank had fallen. "I wasn't expecting an extravagant thanks, but he didn't need to degrade me in public."

Just saying, I don’t think you’re going to win this battle, Marcus.

The ranger on the right shrugged. "Don't take it too harshly, kid. Mr. Greenwin has been a part of over a hundred civic defence operations. He probably didn't need your help there. He's seen his fair share of novices kill themselves disobeying orders."

hes-right-you-know-morgan-freeman.png


Let’s not even get into how Marcus himself almost got Luna and Pride into a Struggle-fest. If Surge hadn’t rolled up when he did to light up the bay, he could’ve very easily been just another statistic for “Novice bites off more than they can chew”.

He turned and motioned to the carnage surrounding them. [ ]

"No novice, no matter how competent, could have survived being on this beach during the assault. Our orders were there to protect you as much as they were to protect the city."

He smiled softly and met my eyes. I could tell he was trying to be nice. [ ]

"Despite what the general public might think, we don't want to use trainers as cannon fodder. Our battle plans always take into account the danger to you trainers. You're still just civvies at the end of the day, albeit temporarily conscripted ones."

press-x-to-doubt-la-noire.jpg


Luna: “*So why the hell did you bring us straight in the path of all those Tentacruel?!*”
785236292803100683.webp

Marcus: “Yeah, I’m with my fox on this one, just saying.”
590253472188727333.webp


I paused, looking down at the ground. The Ranger was right, even if it hurt to hear. We'd barely handled ourselves against the few tentacruel that had slipped ashore. He was right and I knew it.

Well, I absolutely don’t buy that denial about using low-level trainers like you as cannon fodder. Even if you and the gang got a nice EXP dump from it.

He put his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him. "You did good, kid. Even if you did disobey orders. You took charge of the situation and proved you can think on your feet and adapt to changing situations, which is what the gym challenge is really meant to teach you."

Oh, so they are being genuine about this reassurance. Duly noted.

The second Ranger piped up, a smile crossing his face. "Speaking of, you got a date set for Surge yet?"

I turned to look at him. "You know who I am?" I asked incredulously.

Marcus hasn’t revealed anything about his identity to this guy yet and the Ranger didn’t clearly exhibit a level of familiarity beyond “oh, you’re probably a challenger”. Given that Gemma made Marcus go viral over the past few chapters, it might be worthwhile to just have the second ranger straight-up address Marcus as “Marcus Wright” or something lije that.

He nodded with a knowing smile. "First time getting recognized properly?"

[ ] He nodded to himself again, a wistful look on his face.

"I'm a bit of a battle-nut myself. I like the novice-rank challenges best, more entertaining than watching over prepared elites fight battles they know they'll win."

[ ] The wistful smile faded and he looked back at me with a cheery grin.

"I saw your battle with Misty. Not a bad show, kid."

It probably makes sense to work a bit more of Marcus’ reaction into the whole “wait, this guy actually recognizes me in live time here.

My cheeks flushed and I felt a rush of adrenaline. [ ]

"Thanks," I said. "I actually just got to Vermilion. No date set with Leader Surge yet."

I think that you’re missing a step between Marcus feeling a shot of adrenaline and him speaking up again. Even if I wasn’t really sure what to suggest there.

[ ]

"Word of advice, find yourself something that can take a hit. Until you have three battle-capable pokemon, you aren't a match for Surge."

Oh, this is going to be the part of the story where Acolyte enters the picture for Marcus, huh? Since “needs a beefy Pokémon that won’t keel over and die from a Thunderbolt”... that definitely sounds quite Acolyte there.

I frowned. "I have three pokemon."

"That happiny doesn't count," The Ranger scoffed. and

I knew he was right. My lack of team building and preparation was something I knew I needed to rectify. [ ]

"You need something that can fight. We both know she'd be killed if you brought her into the battle."

Once again:

hes-right-you-know-morgan-freeman.png


I looked down at my feet. He was right. Curie was just a baby. It had worked against Shale because the Onix was a child herself. Curie couldn't compete in a real gym challenge. That would end in only one way. A pink smear across the battlefield and my heart crushed.

Marcus: “Which… uh… considering the absolute state of the hallway up to the battlefield in Brock’s Gym was in, I suppose it’s a bit of a small miracle that she hasn’t already become a pink smear across the battlefield yet.”
1137210299573878845.webp


"I'll have to think about that." I replied quietly. He was right, I desperately needed to add to my team.

Okay, yeah. I smell an Acolyte introduction episode in the imminent future.

I turned away as the two novices with the pikachu came down the beach. I returned Luna to her ball and put her next to Pride and Curie's balls.

I slunk away from the beach after that. I passed Harold while he sat against a wall. His eyes were closed and he was talking into his pokegear in a sad, hushed tone. I didn't bother to intrude and figured I would make my way to the nearest motel.

Oh, well. I’m guessing one of those 68 confirmed KIAs was someone that Harold knew. Even if I kinda wonder if you should’ve given some sort of overheard line of dialogue or something to give a more explicit hint. Especially if this isn’t the last that we’ll see of Harold in the future and it’ll be something relevant to his character.

I made it two blocks before I happened across her. The corpse of a tentacruel was draped over a woman's lower half, tentacles wrapped around her legs. She was squirming, trying and failing to get out from under the pokemon. Her shoulder length blonde hair was plastered with jelly and tentacruel guts and more leaked out of the dead pokemon every moment.

"Could you help me?" She asked, waving me over. "Some asshole saved me, but he walked off before helping me out of this thing's grip." She looked off down the street. "Stupid white-haired asshole. Didn't even stop to make sure I was ok."

Lol. Lmao. I suppose that’s one way to tell that Elias came through here.

I frowned. I was pretty sure I knew who she was talking about. [ ]

"I'll help you," I said. I grabbed the top of the tentacruel's crown and lifted it slightly.

She squirmed, trying to tear the tentacles off her legs. She pulled herself out from underneath the pokemon and I dropped it to the side. [ ]

I held out my hand to help her up. "You ok?" I asked.

I feel like that we need a bit more insight into what’s going on in Marcus’ head here. For instance, is the sight of another person who was clearly just a couple steps away from getting mauled to death by a Pokémon triggering any nice and deeply uncomfortable feelings in Marcus in light of the whole Persian episode with his sister?

She nodded, taking my hand and getting to her feet. She stumbled and almost fell, but I caught her as she went down against me.

"I'm sorry, my ankle hurts." She stood back up and tested it experimentally. She winced and looked at me. "I don't know if I can walk on it."

I smiled. "I'll help you, where do you need me to take you?"

"I have a friend staying at the pokemon centre down near the gym," she said. "If you could help me get there, I'd be so grateful."

So… love interest? I mean, it’d be a bit awkward to explain to Gemma whenever she gets out of seclusion, but…

I carried her there, supporting her the whole way. She talked my ear off the entire way there, running through a myriad of topics and telling me far more about her friend's life than I felt comfortable with. I lowered her onto one of the benches in front of the centre and nodded a quick goodbye.

I'd have stayed at the pokemon centre, but they were swamped with all the injured trainers and their pokemon. There wasn't room for the patients they did have, let alone any uninjured guests. Luna and Pride hadn't even been hurt, just exhausted from the fighting.

I feel like the underlined sections would be bit more effective with some more concrete details provided to give clarity as to the “what” those general topics involve.

I released them as soon as I closed and locked the door. I tossed my belt and pack towards the bed. Curie could wait at least until I was showered. I disappeared into the bathroom and revelled in the glorious sensation of warm water running through my coarse, filthy hair.

I emerged from the bathroom more than an hour later, wrapped in the absurdly fuzzy robe the motel had provided. I collapsed onto the bed and fumbled in my pack. I pulled out Curie's formula and bottle. I mixed her a full bottle and reached over for her ball.

I froze. It was gone.

701085210766344223.webp


Oh. Oh no...

I rummaged through my pack frantically. It wasn't there. I lifted the mattress and tossed it aside, praying that the ball had just fallen off my belt and rolled under the bed. Pride scrambled away, shredding the mattress and sheets with his spines as he fled the flying bed. The ball wasn't there.

Pride: “*Um. Marcus? How exactly did you manage this again? Wasn’t she on your belt the entire time?*” .-.
Marcus: “Look, I don’t know, okay?!” O.O

I stood there, panic setting in. I'd had her ball before the swarm had attacked, definitely had seen it when releasing Pride and Luna and then again when I had returned them and set their balls back into place. My heart sank as I realized that I hadn't seen it since then.

My bandolier was back on, Pride and Luna were returned to their balls and my pack was slung back over my shoulder. I slammed the door behind me, not wasting time to lock the door. I sprinted off headlong towards the beach, towards my precious Curie.

I could only pray that her ball was still there.

Wait a minute, I vaguely recall that there’s supposed to be a Curie abduction arc in this story at some point. That woman… did she…?

Curie was gone. I'd combed every inch of the beach, walked the path that I'd taken helping the woman. The Rangers still on the beach hadn't seen a stray pokeball and I found nothing retracing my steps. I was absolutely shredded inside. My Curie, my precious little soul was simply gone.

I feel like the underlined feels a bit “informed attribute” at the moment and should be expanded a bit

I wandered back to where Harold and I had pushed back the tentacruel and stared out into the water. The Rangers and the navy had begun cleanup, two small ships dragging trawling nets behind them. I could see more ships further out on the bay, no doubt doing the same as they cleaned up.

I sat down and looked out at the water. My legs dangled off the pier. My hand went to the empty spot on my belt, where Curie's ball had been. I felt the tears flow. There was nothing I could do to stop them. My pokemon was gone. She was gone and I hadn't even noticed.

I… think that it might have been worth expanding this sequence a bit. e.x. doing something like opening in medias res with Marcus trying to get help and getting a “bruh, have you looked around, we’re busy” and then having an internal/external “Damn it, where is she? She never left my body the entire time” and trying to piece together what happened only to realize he can’t think of anything.

I stayed there a long time, just staring out at the ships clearing the bay. I felt numb, like I might never feel right again. I don't know when I rose from that pier. I found myself walking slowly in the direction of the motel I'd checked into. I was climbing the stairs to the motel's second floor before I knew it.

I reached out for the door handle and pushed the door open. It swung open and I realized that the door hadn't been closed. I stepped inside and immediately recoiled from the dank smell of cigarette smoke.

Yeeeeeeah, Marcus isn’t alone right now, I can already tell.

Curie bounded off the perfectly made bed. She squealed happily and leapt into my arms. I pulled her close, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Where did you just come from?" I asked. I held her at an arm's length. "And how'd you get out of your ball?"

Curie: “*The nice burny-stick human brought me here!*” ^.^
Marcus: “I’m sorry, come again…?” ._.

Curie disappeared in a flash of red light. I felt her form evaporate in my arms as she was returned to her ball. I looked up. The room was dark, but I could tell it had been cleaned. The room was pristine, the bed put back together with a new set of sheets and mattress. The door swung shut and a lithe figure rose from the chair by the window.

"I have your attention, I presume?" she asked. Her voice had a musical, lilting cadence to it and her words were slow and deliberate. "It's disrespectful to leave a woman waiting."

Yeah, I knew it. Though this is totally going to be the woman who was “freed” from the Tentacruel, huh?

I turned to get a better look at her, my hand racing to my bandolier as I went for Luna.

She tutted and whipped her arm towards me. I felt my hair stand on end and tasted ozone for half a moment. Then lightning erupted from the flower in her hand. It hit me in the shoulder, tossing me backwards onto the bed like I was a rag doll.

???: “Tch, that is so rude. Do all trainers these days not know how to let a lady speak?”
912456528735379497.webp


My entire body went numb and my vision swam, but I fought back with everything I had. Passing out here was not something I wanted to do, not with the woman still loose in my room.

???: “Bold of you to assume that you have a choice, Mr. Wright.”

I scrambled back towards the headboard despite my seizing muscles as she leapt up onto the bed. She whipped her arm out again and the device in her hand extended into a short staff. The stylized tulip on the end crackled and sparked with electricity as she held it out towards me.

I pushed off the headboard as hard as I could, kicking her legs out from under her. She fell forward as I bucked to the side, rolling us both off the bed. I continued the roll, trying to pin her against the floor.

Hmm… country kid who’s been on the circuit for 9 months and almost died every other chapter versus the trained operative that’s almost certainly a Rocket-

Waaaaaait a minute:

>The stylized tulip on the end

Is that Domino that’s messing around in Marcus’ room there?

The woman was faster and smarter than I'd hoped though. She used the momentum from our roll and slammed me face down against the floor. She dug one knee into my back and wrenched my arm up behind me in one swift movement. I roared in pain and attempted to buck her off but she slammed me back into the floor.

"Give me my pokemon!" I shouted. "Give her ba-"

Domino(?):
Creating_Bugs_Bunny%27s_%22No%22.jpg

“I might have considered it briefly if you had been polite earlier. But now it’s just a hard ‘no’.”

She shoved a rolled up sock into my mouth, gagging me. [ ]

"Look," she started in a bubbly tone. "As much as I'd like to kick the crap out of you for the rest of the day, I do have better things to do."

She jabbed me in the ribs with her taser-pole and I stopped squirming. It was the woman from earlier, the one I'd helped to the centre.

I knew it. Though I suppose I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and confirm that this is indeed Domino.

"Good," she remarked, a sly grin crossing her face. "I think you get the picture."

She leaned in close and I felt her shoulder length hair brush against my neck. [ ]

"It's time we established how this relationship is going to work. You're Silph's newest prize trainer. My organization has a vested interest in Silph's going ons. You're going to do what we say when we say it. If not?" Her voice trailed off and she let go of my arm as she leaned back. "There are so very many ways to destroy a pokeball."

Marcus: “I’m sorry, but is that supposed to be a threat? I’ll just get another one for Curie-”
Domino(?): “Whatever made you think that the way I had in mind would leave your ‘Curie’ behind to move to another one to begin with?”
774368312690737163.webp


I reached up and pulled the sock out of my mouth as she got off of me. I rose to my feet, carefully regarding the woman. She was shorter than me by at least a full head, but built like a slim tauros. I knew instantly that I'd never had any realistic chance fighting her. She'd had me at a disadvantage before I'd even known that no advantage could be had. She'd tricked me by pretending to need my help, then used that to steal my Curie and blackmail me.

Domino(?): “You really are too trusting for your own good, you know that, Mr. Wright?”
476581281094828033.webp


"She's just a baby," I said carefully, gauging my words. "Please don't hurt her."

I… don’t think that it was clearly communicated that destroying a Pokéball was inherently dangerous for a Pokémon up to this point or what any consequences involved would be. It probably is worth having an earlier paragraph where Marcus has the internal “oh crap” reaction to Domino(?)’s threat and spells that out for us to the audience. Since I’ll admit that my reflexive reaction wasn’t that “break Pokéball while Pokémon in it” was inherently dangerous beyond “no control over where the Pokémon comes out”.

The woman shot me a dazzling smile and I almost forgot that she was threatening me and my pokemon for half a heartbeat. [ ]

"I won't have to, if you do what I say."

"Which is?" I asked impatiently.

Another spot where it probably makes sense to show a bit more some combination of Domino(?)’s reaction and Marcus’ inner thoughts here. Especially if Marcus is wondering internally as to what the mysterious Tulip lady is about to put him up to.

She cocked her head to the side, her eyes studying me openly. "Nothing… for now. You're actually well on track," she said. "Continue your gym challenge. We'll let you know what we need when the time comes."

Oh yeah, that’s not ominous at all there.

I stood there in silence. She nodded her head towards me and smoothed her jacket. I noticed the stylized red R on the collar and filed that detail away. She smiled again, a smile so charming that again I found myself disarmed by the woman.

"Until next time then, Marcus Wright."

Marcus: “Until next ti- Hey wait, no! Get back here and give me back my Happiny!”
785236292803100683.webp


I followed her to the door, watching her go. She walked calmly down the stairwell and disappeared into the night.

I didn't move from my doorway for a long time. I just stood there, staring out at the night until the morning fog began to roll in and the sun began to rise over the bay. Only then did I close the door and cross to my bed. Only then did I finally let sleep take me.

Ah yes, let’s check in and see how Marcus is doing right now.

Marcus:
1*34-aY5dzVcilaNC0JYbUoA.jpeg


That good, huh? :copyka:

Pokédex Entry #73 – Tentacruel

This large aquatic pokemon gathers large numbers of its unevolved brethren in massive swarms when hunting for prey. While typically not overtly aggressive towards humans, some "Tenta-Swarms" have shown some aggression towards isolated vessels. Caution is advised, as tentacruel are capable of hauling themselves aboard passing vessels when prey is scarce.

Bruh, are there any Pokémon in Journey’s setting that don’t ultimately grow up to be bloodthirsty horrorshows in the wild? How on earth has humanity managed to survive, let alone industrialize in conditions like these? :copyka:

Long theorized to possess rudimentary psychic ability, the recent discovery of a powerful paralytic agent secreted by this pokemon's tentacles has put this theory to rest.

Huh. They really do have quite a shallow movepool of Psychic moves now that you mention it.

Novice trainer KT#07996101 Marcus Wright, current team:

Luna, Vulpix

Pride, Nidorino

>Curie missing from the roster

663472557730693141.webp


Wow, you’re just going for all the knife twists there, huh?

Well then, let’s just sum up this chapter in a gif to start with:

spider-man-norman-osborn.gif


See, I knew that something was going to go horribly wrong with this chapter, even if I expected it to be more related to the wall of stinging death as opposed to Team Rocket giving its first proper deep cut on the team through abducting Curie and blackmailing Marcus with her. Definitely subverted my expectations there even if there was something that felt suspiciously “easy” about the way that the Tenta swarm wound down. The worldbuilding I think wasn’t quite as laid out as it could’ve in parts, but what you did have felt pretty put-together and immersive for a hard-edged and dangerous world. Also, Harold and Elias were fun to see, and I can already tell that this won’t be the last that we see of either of them.

From the more critical end, I feel that there were a couple recurring issues with this chapter that stood out to me. The first was that I felt that you were a little lacking in description in a few parts of the story. It was most noticeable in a couple of the sequences of the Tenta swarm scene where the action was kinda high-level and a couple parts were handled in a “by the way” fashion. I think that the bigger issue was that once again, what was going on in Marcus’ head was kinda underexplored. Some sections we at least get told that he feels a certain way, while others had to be pieced together. Both felt like they’d have improved from showing the process and contours off in more detail, especially since your narration is written in third person limited perspective. On the more stylistic side, there were a few paragraphs where I didn’t quite agree with your chosen formatting, though I understand that’s a subjective choice. And there were some bits of worldbuilding where I feel like we skipped a step or two for providing context. The bit about “destroying Pokéballs” (which I think the implication is that it kills the Pokémon bound to it, but it’s never explicitly stated) was one particularly standout example that I can think of. Lastly, there were a couple of "why didn't you just [X]?" moments that I had in the chapter, the first relating to Surge doing his lightning spam from the helicopters, while the second and more important one is the complete lack of ranged attacks that the Tenta swarm uses when they come ashore when barring "my setting, my rules", they ought to be able to do that in spades (and it is also a potential vector to show off that they forcibly evolved early depending on what moves they use).

Though even if I had a few bones to pick with the execution, by and large, I feel that things were pretty solid and the chapter clearly benefitted from your recent spit shine. It'll be interesting to see where you take things from here, since… uh… you certainly ended things on quite a tense note, and I can’t say I can really predict where things are going to go from here since it’s already well-established that innocence is not a reliable shield in this setting.

Good work, @Joshthewriter . And I’ll be looking forward to coming back for more of this story sometime soon.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya. This review took a little longer than I planned to get out since I wound up falling under the weather partway through, but I figured that after the ending note of the last chapter that I read, that a sick day was as good as any to pick things up and see where the pieces fell, so let’s get straight into things:

Chapter 7

I walk the difficult path, in service to those who can no longer bear the burden of service. — Unknown headstone

Well that’s an unexpected teaser blurb there. Even if I wonder where things will be going here given that the title’s called ‘Fault’.

I needed another pokemon. As if the mysterious woman walking off with Curie wasn't enough, the Vermillion gym wouldn't even schedule my challenge without a third team member. Surge's League challenges were different than most gyms.

Oh, so no fair “dump all your EXP into your starter and bulldoze the gyms” in this setting, huh? Though yeah, I suppose this is going to be the chapter where Acolyte joins the gang, since you were telegraphing pretty hard that Marcus was going to get a Ground-type in the imminent future.

He was a warrior, a born and bred soldier that had earned his respect through blood and sweat. He'd spent years as part of Kanto's Ranger Corps, defending the civilian population from wild pokemon attacks since before I was even born. He was a living legend and demanded to be treated as such.

So wait, is there also that “offscreen backstory war” in this setting, too? If so, I wonder who the other belligerent party was.

He didn't accept novice challenges, only intermediate and elite. If you came for Surge, you came for war.

Wait, Gym Leaders have an ability to just “lol, lmao” certain classes of challengers? Is that based on seniority / skill? Otherwise how’d Surge get the backing to blow off the local tube girls thinking their Goldeen were cut out for getting a first badge at his gym?

His challenges were always a triple battle. The battle format had first taken root in Unova, during the XIVth Pokemon World Tournament. Surge had been the victor of the triples tourney, and taken a liking to the chaos. He'd imported the triple battles to Kanto for his own gym challenges, claiming that it better taught trainers what real battles could be like.

Oh, so the PWT is already a thing in this setting. I’m guessing that’s where Cynthia got her ‘Grand Champion’ title from.

Though I suppose this explains a thing or two about how Surge literally requires a minimum of 3 Pokémon to get past his door. Just count yourself lucky that he didn’t take a shine to Rotation Battles, Marcus.

No matter what the reason for the triple battle, I had only two battle-capable pokemon. So I was stuck until I expanded my team. I scowled at the thought. It was a disaster of my own making, a result of my conscious choice to follow the traditional path through Kanto's League circuit. I could have cut west around Saffron and gone towards Celadon, but I'd been stubborn and stuck to tradition.

Luna: “*I mean… we could always just go to Celadon now… The new ‘mon and I would be able to handle a bunch of plants pretty well.*”
701429736290910228.webp

Marcus: “Luna, can we stay focused when I’m trying to figure out how on earth to get Curie back from the evil tulip lady who broke into my room last night?” >_>;

It would have been the same situation even if Curie hadn't been kidnapped. It was only my own negligence in team building that had led to this point. I'd trained Luna and Pride well, but they were only two. No matter how well I trained them, they were still only two. I'd neglected my team as a whole by not thinking about this sooner. Most trainers would have had three or four pokemon by this point, if not a full team of six already.

Technically, he could’ve attempted to enter with Curie, but given that his baseline expectation last chapter for how that’d turn out was that she’d become red mist… uh… yeah, that sounds like a good reason to swing up north and grab Acolyte from the Rock Tunnel, huh?

That was why I had decided on hunting down a ground type. I knew Pride would eventually gain that typing when he evolved, but I had no clue how to evolve him. It wasn't just with experience and age like most pokemon, there was some kind of external factor. Nidoking and queen weren't exactly common in the league, and trainers tend to be secretive about evolution methods themselves. Until I figured out how to spur that evolution, I was stuck without a ground type.

Wait, are evolutionary stones really that rare and uncommon in this setting to the point that stone evolutions aren’t widely known by the training public? Since you’d think that this could literally be resolved with a two-second search of “How do I evolve my Nidorino?” to Not!Google.

Granted, the outcome would probably be about the same given that it would then raise the question of “how in the hell am I supposed to get this”? I do think that unless Marcus is very deliberately supposed to be an uncurious type as a trainer, that him looking up how to evolve Pride and having a “well, crap” realization after finding out that it involves a rare rock that involves big dosh or else big luck to obtain would’ve been a bit more plausible, and also lean into his “lol, no budget” problems a bit more.

That was one of the two reasons that I had spent the better part of a month travelling up the coast of eastern Kanto. The other was that I was utterly ashamed of myself. I had failed to defend my team and little Curie was in danger now. She was a hostage, ensuring my loyalty for some future event.

Wait, wait, wait. It’s been a month since the last chapter?
529934807551967242.webp


I couldn't do anything, couldn't tell anyone. My online searches came up blank, although I had completely expected that. It's not like typing in 'crazy acrobat lady broke into my room and kicked my ass' is gonna spit back any decent results anyway. I found more adult videos than I had expected and abandoned that search plenty quick.

Yeah, see the earlier recommendation about Marcus Googling “How do I evolve my Nidorino?” especially since we’ve acknowledged that he does have internet access here.

Though I can already tell that the online ads that Marcus got served for the first week or so after the ‘crazy acrobat lady’ search got hilariously awkward.

My research into the crimson R that had been on the woman's collar was moderately more successful, but that had only served to confuse me even further. I'd been scrolling through search results for "red R logo" when I found it. It had the same proportions, same sharp edges. It was out in the open, just looking back at me.

It was a corporate logo, for a Johtan company that was based in Goldenrod. Rocket Industries had been a briefly successful aerospace firm, back when Indigo still had dreams of space exploration. It was apparently defunct now, like the rest of Indigo's space program, but that didn't mean much. It was clearly still in use by this woman and whatever organization she worked for.

>aerospace firm

I’m surprised that they allowed it to go defunct, since if there was a shell company to use as a cutout for their experimentation into cloning/genetic engineering, the Rockets likely could’ve made all the money on culturing meat with only modest branching out from their real priorities. Perfect for laundering their more blatantly illegal income streams from stuff like their Slowpoke Tail gigs.

Even with that lead, I didn't have anything. I couldn't work that angle or use it as leverage because it ultimately meant nothing. My frustration got the best of me, and after a few more fruitless attempts I gave up my attempts at playing detective.

I'd been avoiding Gemma almost completely, only responding to texts when I came across an area that actually had cell service. She was obviously still bored out of her mind, but saying anything would have likely gotten Curie killed. I didn't know how the woman had even known I was a Silph trainer, but it pointed to Silph being compromised.

I knew Gemma would never betray me intentionally, but the pokegear she had given me was on Silph's network. I didn't know if the messages could be stolen or looked at, and I wasn't going to risk my Pokémon's life for anything. It must have been frustrating for Gemma, but I trusted that she'd forgive me whenever I managed to get Curie back and could explain myself. She'd understand that Curie came first.

I mean, you could’ve asked “hey, do you know anything about people running around in red ‘R’s” without bringing up Curie’s fate, just saying. Also, Gemma probably isn’t compromised since otherwise they’d have just shown up and killed her by now.

I’ll admit that given that Marcus likely has all the paranoia right now, that it’s not that much of a logical leap. Even if I do wonder if there should’ve been a bit more acknowledgement of “oh yeah, they’re trying to kill her” or else getting the idea that Silph’s network might be compromised from the way Gemma sends texts back (e.x. if she very pointedly avoids giving identifying features about her location such as features or local weather with Marcus realizing that Gemma doesn’t trust Silph’s own messaging network, and neither should he).

Also, I’m just realizing, but this entire scene was all summarized description. While it does sell the sense of time going by pretty well, I do wonder if it’d have been worth putting in an actual “present day” component to this scene such as Marcus looking over messages to Gemma on-edge and talking with his Pokémon or something like that.

I'd left Lavender town and its creepy atmosphere far behind, stopping only long enough to fill my pack with supplies for at least two weeks underground. Silph had opened me an expense account for me before I left Vermillion, and I had made sure to stock up on anything and everything I could have needed for a long trip into the wild.

Oh, so Marcus is finally not perpetually broke for once. Even if I kinda wonder if this should’ve been acknowledged at least in passing in the first scene.

I'd splurged on the best gear that money could buy. A fancy new solar battery pack was sitting atop my bag, feeding a charge to my pokegear inside. It folded back up and fit easily into one of my pack's many pockets when it wasn't in use. I had also replaced my broken bow with a fancy new composite longbow. It wasn't too much different than from what I'd grown up using, although the difference in draw weight still threw me off a little bit.

Is there an in-universe reason why Marcus isn’t buying an out-and-out firearm given that we know that private firearms ownership is a thing from the motel shootout? Since at least here in the states, the cost of nicer bows rapidly gets into “firearms” territory with basic pump-action shotguns commonly going for less than $300 USD straight off the rack of a sporting goods store. Basic semiautomatic rifles in the present market start at under $500 USD new in the places where they’re legally allowed to be sold.

Like unless they’re heavily restricted legally in Journey’s Kanto or else Marcus had a “I considered it, but Luna/Pride freaked out just from the sound of it shooting in a video review so it was an obvious non-starter” episode, you’d think that if it wasn’t a huge budget-buster, that a bangstick would be on Marcus’ radar. Beyond its obvious uses for hunting or scaring off hostile fauna, the whole "almost dying in a hit and then having his ass completely handed to him by Domino(?)" thing would surely trip a few insecurities that would make Sam Colt’s old saw about making men equal sound pretty attractive right about now, even if it was ultimately a false sense of comfort in a world of superpowered beasties.

One benefit of travelling further off the league-sanctioned route, was that trainers were few and far between. I came across maybe four or five other trainers after I left Lavender, most of them weary from the long trip through Rock Tunnel. They all passed me without a battle, unlike the gruelling slog that the journey to Lavender had been.

I mean, I have been reliably informed by Making It Big that simply not having money on hand to pay out in a loss is a fantastic way of protecting your bank balance. It might make sense to clarify why Marcus is avoiding battle if it is indeed a money issue.

I grimaced as I remembered the many losing battles we had fought. Intermediate challenges were too much for the moment, but it hadn't stopped me from testing my team against the other intermediates anyways. Luna and Pride both received their share of beat downs during those few weeks, but both still found their own small victories that gave me hope.

Waaaaait, when was this? Since didn’t Marcus just mention that he’d only fought four or five other trainers since leaving Lavender? Was this supposed to be “on the way up from Vermillion”? If so, it probably makes sense to say so a bit more explicitly.

Luna had practically mastered her new psychic attack, using it to great effect in a desperate win against a clumsy machoke. She couldn't quite communicate telepathically yet, but I could tell that she was beginning to explore her psychic abilities on her own. It was only a matter of time before she figured out how to communicate with me.

1173122090006749236.webp


Oh, so we’re actually going to see Luna speak at some point in this story. That one will be interesting to see how it plays out, since from what I’ve seen of your depictions of Pokémon’s thought processes in some of your one-shots, they often are pretty different from humans’.

I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. My quick searches brought only vague esoteric explanations of telepathy. There was only one common link. Telepathy was trippy for the trainer, especially when the trainer possessed no psychic ability of their own.

Marcus:
tenor.gif


Though I’m surprised that there’s no real mentions of what the experienced effects of a human receiving a message via telepathy would be like. Since you'd think that someone would record that as part of their "hey, my cat talked to me by telepathy, and this was what it was like" blog post.

I let Luna experiment with her abilities while she hunted for us. More and more, she'd bring me pidgey or pidgeotto with no marks on them. Pride refused to adapt to my preferred hunting methods, instead shocking his foes with a thunderbolt from a distance and eating at his own leisure. At the very least, his thunderbolt was getting larger and stronger.

Marcus: “You’re… getting quite used to throwing that around, Pride.”
701085210766344223.webp

Pride: “*What can I say? It’s super effective!*” ^.^

When training, I'd started Luna towards attempting a full stream of fire rather than short jets or embers. She wasn't there yet, but she was starting to hold the flames for longer before she was exhausted.

I’d put Pride had been put to work improving his speed and agility. He'd never be as fast as Luna was, but he was almost embarrassingly slow compared to some of his opponents. He was tough and hit hard, but he needed to be faster. I was seeing improvements, but it was very slow going.

Oh, this is what’s going to get Pride killed eventually, huh?

Both of them had learned to work as an efficient, if a bit unorthodox team. Luna was a speedy hit and run attacker that goaded opponents into opening up so Pride could gore them with his horn. It worked well enough against wild pokemon, but the first double battle I had been challenged to had ended with Pride and Luna isolated and picked apart by precision teamwork. The trainer had taken pity on me and offered a few training tips. It wasn't anything I didn't already know, but I appreciated the gesture anyways.

It turned out that my extensive training regimen was well worth it when we arrived at the Rock Tunnel. That's where I met him. That's where I met the one and only, Blue Oak.

Once again:

1173122090006749236.webp


Though I kinda have the same issue with this scene in that it’s very “after the fact” summary at the moment, and I kinda wonder if it’d have been stronger for having something that was more tangible as an “ongoing event” like a snippet of seeing this actual practice between Luna and Pride a bit more.

I was kneeling on the ridge overlooking a small depression on the slopes of the mountain. I'd kept as close to the surface as possible, only dipping into the underground tunnel network when Luna wasn't able to find me a path overland. I was in no mood to repeat my experience with Mount Moon.

A couple small typos in this paragraph here.

There was no official route here, north of Lavender. The league rangers maintained a small outpost at the hydroelectric plant, but that was mainly for monitoring the wild pokemon in the area. This section of Kanto was well and truly one of the last properly wild places in the region, only rivalled by the safari zone north of Fuchsia.

Um… considering how people still die horribly to Pokémon that aren’t properly wild, do I want to know how much of a hazard it is to be in this place? :copyka:

I looked down the ridge and breathed a sigh of relief. I'd finally found them. After chasing reported sightings for over a week and a half, I had finally stumbled across a cubone colony.

flapjack-captain-knuckles.gif


See, I knew we were going to pick up Acolyte soon enough. Though good choice in ‘mons there.

The little ground types were exceedingly rare. Mostly due to their reclusive nature, they stayed far far away from human habitation. Not one of the current elite-rated trainers in Kanto had a marowak on their teams, which was an indication of rarity, not of a lack of power.

Pokémon Tower!Cubone: “Am I a joke to you?”
401085511176814613.webp

Marcus: “Shut up, your home’s busy being a radio tower right now, you don’t count.” >_>;

It was the perfect addition to my team. Every article I could find extolled their loyalty and dedication to the team. They were highly intelligent, creatures that lived in small colonies made up of many family units. They had been known to gift worthy trainers with young males that were ready to establish their own family units. My only problem was finding them.

That… feels like it’d be a bit hard to accomplish without a female. Unless “male surplus” from their maternal mortality issues is just a thing in Cubone/Marowak society in this setting. Also I could’ve sworn that their ‘dex lore focused more on them crying a lot as Cubone and being fierce in temperament as Marowak.

Though watch as this turns out about as well as that one attempt to catch a Cubone in the Detective Pikachu movie.

I hefted the sack I'd been carrying since Lavender and crept forward, Luna silently working her way down the hill ahead of me. My hand was cautiously on Pride's ball as I made my descent. I didn't want to send him out. He was a blunt instrument, more likely to set the colony on us than win it to our side. I did not need a dozen angry marowak beating me with their bone clubs.

Wait, but the entire time, Marcus hasn’t mentioned sighting a Marowak yet. It probably would make sense to elaborate on how it is that he can assume that there’s even one present at the moment (e.x. if the colonies are inherently anchored around Marowak with the Cubone as their young / junior members).

I caught glimpses of several cubone watching me on my descent. They would creep through the rocks, peeking at the strange creature working his way down to the colony. I spotted what looked like several juveniles and I hoped that there was at least one intrigued by me.

Juvenile Cubone or Juvenile Marowak? I assume Marcus is looking for the latter, but it’s not clear from the phrasing at all.

I finally reached the bottom of the hill. The cubone were hiding, peering at me from behind the rocks surrounding the depression. The marowak were still lazing in the sun, regarding me with cold curiosity. I bowed my head in respect and slowly lifted the sack I'd been carrying off my shoulder. I set it down gently and opened the drawstring at the top.

"I bring you an offering, in the hope that you may allow me to take on one of your young for training." I tipped over the bag and spilled the contents out. Poffins, berries and pokeblocks went spilling out, rolling across the uneven ground. "Judge me worthy and I will raise your child up to be a formidable warrior."

- Meanwhile from the Marowak’s perspective -
Marcus:
bla-bla-bla-spongebob-squarepants.gif

Marowak #1: “*... I’m sorry, but what did that mean again?*”
Marowak #2: “*Hell if I know, but there’s free food, so I’m guessing that ‘dig in’ was a part of it.*”

One of the marowak rose to her feet, bone club clutched in her hand. I watched her cross the distance between us, sniffing cautiously at the offerings I'd brought with me. She turned away from them and I feared the worst as she raised her club up to inspect me. She circled me cautiously while Luna watched at attention. Her club tapped against Pride's ball and she looked at me through her skull cap.

Elder!Marowak: “*Okay buddy, just who are you hiding in there? Some sort of fiend that thinks our young look like tasty snacks?*”
796822964019527760.webp


I nodded. She wanted to know what kind of trainer I was. She was testing me. My hand slowly dropped to Pride's ball. I raised the ball and prayed that Pride was in an accommodating mood.

Luna:
giphy.gif


He appeared before me, pawing at the ground as he appeared. His eyes widened and his ears flattened against his head as he growled at the strange pokemon surrounding us. [ ]

"Pride, enough."

He glanced at me, then at the marowak beside me. I watched his rump slowly lower and he sat carefully, muscles still poised to leap into action.

It probably makes sense to show off a bit more of Marcus’ thought process here. Especially if he’s internally “Pride, no”-ing at Pride being about to get aggressive there.

I glanced down at the marowak and nodded. "These are my allies. Luna, and Pride. They are strong, loyal friends."

The marowak nodded, sauntering over to Luna. She looked my starter in the eye and I felt Luna's mind nervously brush up against my own. I caught a flash of fear and nerves before the sensation faded as the marowak slowly inspected my vulpix. The marowak turned to me and gestured at Pride with her bone.

Elder!Marowak: “*Does your offering come with the spike ball? The colony could use some of his barbs-*”
Pride: “*Touch me again and I’ll turn you into a ramming-bag, bonehead.*”
916590061942894602.webp


[ ] I shook my head.

"He will not allow it," I said, knowing that the marowak wanted to inspect him too. "He will think you're challenging him."

Another spot where it probably makes sense to show a bit more of Marcus’ thought process off a bit. Though I’m actually surprised at how much they’re understanding him right now even with greater intelligence. You’d think that Marcus would’ve had to read a quick internet primer of “dos and don’ts for interacting with Cubone/Marowak” before this in case if they interpreted certain behaviors differently from humans (e.x. the equivalent of a monkey or ape interpreting a human smile as aggression)

The marowak nodded and then pointed at the gathering crowd of cubone and then to me. I understood what the message was. The marowak wanted to test Pride. She could tell that Luna was a loyal friend. Pride's own growing arrogance shone through despite his allegiance to me. She wanted me to show her that I truly was a worthy trainer.

I nodded. "Pride," I called. "Ready for battle!"

de7.png


Just saying, if Pride gores one of these Marowak, they’re not exactly going to be able to just go and Pokécenter that away here in the boonies, Marcus. And if you trip over any cultural taboos, you’re probably going to get whaled on by a dozen bone lizards.

He barked twice and leapt to his feet. He circled the small depression anxiously and came to a stop just in front of me. Luna slunk over to my side, laying down on the sun-covered rock.

The marowak turned, waving her club at the crowd of cubone. The younglings retreated to the other side of the clearing and joined the other marowak.

Pride: “*Come on, bonehead. Do your worst, I’ll light you up!*”
Elder!Marowak: -does her best impression of the Marth blade twirl SSB victory animation-
“*Gladly.*”
Luna: “*Um, Pride? I just want to remind you that Marowak are Ground-types.*”
581848391965736980.webp

Pride: “*Wait, what? But she looks just like a normal liz-*”

I bowed my head in respect as Pride pawed at the ground. He was antsy, wanted to fight. Despite his usually soft demeanour with me, he was aggressive towards other pokemon. Luna had escaped his ire for the most part, but I had to guess that was because she could run circles around him without trying.

Again. That sounds like a recipe for disaster if I ever heard it.

I had no clue what to expect from this marowak. She seemed to be the one speaking for the group, I had to guess she was the leader. A mother perhaps, likely with a son ready to leave and begin his own family group. She was no doubt a powerful pokemon. I watched her spin the thick bone in her hands and knew that this would be a difficult battle.

Oh, so she really is just showing off with a knockoff of that blade twirl animation right now, huh? /s

She stopped spinning the club abruptly and charged forwards. She whipped the bone like a boomerang at Pride. [ ]

"Double kick it away and dodge the follow up!" I shouted.

Wait, Marcus had time to blurt that out?

Pride pivoted on his front feet and kicked just as the bone closed. It sailed off into the air. The marowak leapt up, grabbing the club from mid air. She brought it down in a leaping strike as Pride leapt away.

Elder!Marowak: “*Gah! Stay still already!*”

Pride charged over the rocky ground, his agility training coming in handy. He didn't stumble, nimbly leaping through the rough terrain and keeping away from the chasing marowak. I watched the ground type effortlessly follow and I knew we were outclassed.

You’re just lucky that she’s not camping with Bonemerang and then running up after the first bonk.

"Turn and charge!"

Pride turned on the spot, skidding to a halt and charging back the way he came. The marowak changed direction, but not quite fast enough to get out of the way. Pride slammed into the marowak, leading with his shoulder. I watched the marowak roll away with the momentum. She felt at her side, blood leaking from a patchwork of pinpricks and gashes.

And then suddenly, for no reason at all, this colony just didn’t have a leader anymore in about a week after those cuts grew infected.

Pride prowled towards her, his horn lowered in anticipation. He wanted to charge. The marowak gave ground, giving Pride what looked like an opening.

He leapt forward intending to seize on the opportunity. The marowak met his horn with a deft swing of her club. Pride's head cracked to the side with a sickening crunch and he stumbled back. She reared back her head and slammed it heavily into Pride's side, leading with the hard bone cap covering her head.

635368050278793216.webp


Elder!Marowak: “*I see that you’re not the one who comes up with the clever plays between you and your human.*”
Pride: “*Grr, come and say that to my face!*”
916590061942894602.webp


Pride recoiled from the blow, grunting in pain. He attempted to bound away but the marowak was faster. She spun her club and slammed it into Pride's underside, launching him into the air.

Ah yes, Nidorino Golf. One of the many fine traditions of Cubone culture.

He landed hard and rolled to a halt against a rock. I heard him groan with pain and I knew that he was hurt. He struggled back to his feet and glanced back at me.

"You good, Pride?"

He nodded and turned back to the marowak. She was stalking towards him, the bone club spinning like a baton. I couldn't help but marvel at the coordination. She was beautiful. [ ]

"Get in close, you have to poison her." I glanced at the marowak, studying the spinning of the bone club. "On my mark."

I realize that battles are kinda fast-paced events in general, but I think that you’re missing a step for showing off Marcus’ thought process and realizing that things aren’t working here.

Pride lowered his horn, watching the marowak carefully. She walked in a slow circle as Pride paced opposite her. Both watched the other carefully, waiting for any opening to appear. I watched the pattern of movement, watching the marowak's hands. Her hands were in an uncomfortable position at one point, the bone resting on the side of her off hand for a half a moment. We could take advantage of that and interrupt the pattern of movement.

I watched her start the pattern over and waited for the perfect moment. "Now!"

Pride lunged and I saw the marowak fumble the response. It wasn't much, but she swung half a moment too late. Pride buried his horn in the marowak's thigh and bowled her over with his momentum. The two went down in a tangle and I knew the battle was nothing more than a coin toss now.

I do hope that you brought potions along for this afterwards, Marcus. Since… uh… Pride’s challenger has to live with this after this whole trial by combat’s done.
1105356025936228434.webp


The marowak was smarter and stronger than I had expected though. She bucked Pride off and shoved him away with her club. He scrambled to his feet as the marowak hauled herself back up using the club as support.

Marowak #1: “*Um… Elder? I think that’s probably a sign that you should stop.*”
635663776041140226.webp


Pride backed up, giving the marowak space and glancing nervously at me. She looked at me and placed the end of her club on the ground with finality. The battle, and the test was over. [ ]

"That's enough, Pride." I ordered. He sat down on his haunches as I raised his ball and dismissed him.

Huh. She actually backed down. I was half-expecting things to go on into a more brutal slugfest, but I suppose that there are limits to what a wild would tolerate in a test of strength before noping out.

I put his ball back on my bandolier with a satisfied smile. He had done well. His agility training was paying off in spades.

The marowak approached me, her head cocked to the side. She was looking into my eyes. There was sadness in them, but also hope. She waved over her shoulder, beckoning to the group of cubone.

Elder!Marowak: “*... Also, you do have a Pecha Berry, right? Since I think your friend poisoned me earlier.*” ^^;

One of the taller cubone stepped out of the crowd. He had a small bone in his hands and was walking slowly. He looked up at me with fear and nerves in his eyes and then back at the marowak. They touched their noses together for a moment, clanking the skull caps together, then continued towards me.

I’m going to go ahead and guess that that’s Acolyte there.

I lowered myself to one knee, holding out a hand as mother and son approached. He sniffed at my hand and then looked up at me. He held out his bone cautiously and tapped it against my hand. I smiled as he gently handed his club to me.

I held up an empty pokeball. He pressed his hand into the button and disappeared with a flash of red light. I felt my hand lighten and smiled at the curiosity as the bone club disappeared too.

Ah yes, and there’s our Acolyte catch there. That one’s definitely quite different from the last one we saw in this story.

The marowak met my eyes and nodded gently. She held out a hand to me and [ ] I shook it softly.

"Thank you," I said quietly. I don't know how she learned the human custom, but I understood that I wasn't the first to have been given a cubone.

I feel like the underlined is something that should be shown off as something that Marcus is clearly reacting to given that it’s something explicitly unusual and unexpected at the moment. (Not least of all since this colony is very far from other humans at the moment.)

Though a part of me is wondering if this is all kinda accelerated in general, since I admittedly wasn’t expecting Marcus to go from “offering berries to show friendliness” to “here, have my son” all in the span of a single scene with no really big hurdles for communication of intent.

I opened my pack and pulled out some of my medical supplies. "I can help heal you." I pointed at the wound on her leg and held up the spray bottles.

She shook her head and pushed them away. She stepped back and lifted her club. She pointed up at the ridge and then at me and back up the ridge.

I understood immediately. It was time for me to leave.

whywouldyoudothat.jpg


Just saying, considering how I’ve heard you mention that you had a plot bunny for Acolyte coming home and having to unbork his colony after it fell into chaos in his absence. I can already tell that this rebuffed healing will age poorly in the future.

I climbed back up the hill with Luna at my side. Three balls sat on my belt now. Three balls with three battle-capable pokemon. I wasn't ready for Surge yet, but by the time I got back to Vermillion I would be.

bender-laughing.gif


Unfortunately for me, fate had worse plans in mind.

Yeah, I figured there.

It wasn't even a week after I captured him when I decided on a name. My new cubone was a tenacious fighter and a voracious student. He was an acolyte in my training, entrusted to me by his family.

Acolyte was his name.

Aaaaand there it is.

He learned fast. He was quick and nimble, but still possessed enough stopping power to handle a fair number of the wild pokemon in the area. If I had to judge, he was probably close to evolution already, just waiting for a chance to push himself over the edge.

Pride: “*I’m sorry, what? I literally have 30 extra base speed on him!*”
401085511176814613.webp

Luna: “*Have you ever considered that the new ‘mon maybe just outlevels you, Pride?*”
916590528802480208.webp


Luna tolerated him well enough. She didn't actively fight with him at the least. Pride on the other hand, seemed to strike up a particularly fierce rivalry. He would challenge Acolyte to a battle at the end of every training session, the two of them working in what they'd been training on that day. It did wonders for them both.

I mean, I’d feel salty and inadequate too if I was getting outsped by a newbie with Base 35 speed, just saying.

I adopted the routine into the end of our usual training sessions. Luna seemed to grumble and resist it slightly, but she still participated. It worked wonders to foster the kind of situational awareness that I wanted them to have. At the end of the day, they were the ones fighting. They'd be able to react faster if I could teach them to react to changing situations if they could learn to think on their own.

We were in the middle of one such session when the pidgeotto swooped down on me. Pride and Acolyte were locked in a struggle, Pride desperately trying to break out of the hold that Acolyte had trapped his head in.

Pride: “*Oh come on! Who on earth is writing this script? I’m literally twice as tall as him!*”
476586337689141257.webp

Acolyte: “*Have you ever considered that you’re just not very good at this if I’m managing to put you in a headlock despite that with these stubby arms?*” -_-;

The sun had set and Luna had brought me a few pidgey for our evening meal. I was bent over the fire, adjusting the makeshift spit I'd fashioned as I munched on one of the ration bars I'd bought in Lavender.

The bird's talons closed on the ration bar as I went to take a bite and tore it from my hand. It landed deftly on the shoulder of a boy, dropping my ration bar into his hand.

"Thanks," he called, brushing his hand through a mess of jagged brown hair. "I like this kind!" He took a bite and tore off another bite for the raticate at his knee.

Oh, hello, Blue.

Marcus:
urge-to-kill-rising-simpsons.gif


I turned as Pride and Acolyte separated and looked over at the newcomer nervously. Luna jumped to her feet, already growling.

I raised an arm, whistling once to get my team's attention. Acolyte ran to my side and Pride stalked over to me as he cast wary glances at the boy. Luna laid back down and yawned, but she did keep her eyes set on the boy.

I sighed and looked over at the boy. "Not polite to steal someone else's meal, kid."

I mean, that is very Gary/Blue, just saying.

[ ]

"Name's Blue," he replied in a brash tone. He reached up and scratched his pidgeotto under the chin, eliciting a happy trill from the pokemon. "Peri was just practicing her aim."

Marcus: “So are you going to pay me back for that energy bar, or…?”
590253472188727333.webp


"Control your pokemon," I said calmly as I dismissed Pride and Acolyte to their balls. Luna looked over at the boy, her tails flicking back and forth. "They shouldn't be doing something like that on their own."

The boy smirked at me. "I asked her to do it though."

[ ] He yawned and looked around at my makeshift camp.

"Wanna battle?" He asked. "I saw you have a cubone. Never battled one of them before. Course, I have my own vulpix and nidorino…" he trailed off, looking up like he was thinking. "Actually, he's a nidoking now."

I think that it probably makes sense to have more of a reaction from Marcus here. Especially if he’s having his “wow, what a brat” buttons pressed right about now.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the boast. While I was curious about how he had evolved his nidorino, my team was tired.

"Thanks, but I'm good. We've been hard at training all day and none of us are at our best."

I cast him a look up and down as he scoffed. He was a braggart. I didn't like that.

Yeah, take a number there, since Blue’s just like that™, Marcus.

He smirked and I caught the look of derision he gave me. "That's fine, you don't look so tough anyway."

I narrowed my eyes. The little shit was testing me. "How old are you?"

Blue's smirk was practically burned into my eyes at this point. "Just turned fourteen," he said. "And I could still kick your butt, mister."

Marcus is going to let himself get baited into a battle, huh? Since I can already tell he’s getting heated in live-time.

I rolled my eyes. I had an egomaniac on my hands. "Look, like I said earlier, we aren't looking for a fight."

"I was," Blue replied. He shrugged and waltzed over to my small fire, sitting on the ground opposite me. "Guess you're too much of a weakling."

He’s going to go and make out-and-out chicken noises within like 3 paragraphs, huh?

I sat down opposite him and raised an eyebrow. [ ]

"So you'll be joining us for dinner?" I sighed and shook my head. "Did your parents never teach you to talk to strangers?"

He nodded. "Yeah. That's why Clothos keeps watch over night." He smirked as he glanced down at the raticate. "So I'd keep your hands to yourself, she likes catching pickpockets in the act."

He shot me a look and I almost got the sense that he wanted me to try, just so he could see what would happen. [ ]

I think that it probably makes sense to show off a bit more of Marcus’ thought process here. Since I’ll admit that I was not expecting him to offer Blue something to eat instead of just going full “no, piss off” to him and trying to shoo him away. It probably would make sense to show the proverbial gears turning in his head a bit more.

Also:

>Blue has a Raticate

Okay, yeah, I can already tell that that rat is a dead ‘mon walking. Since I know the common fandom surrounding that rat, and it keeling over in Journey’s story would be the most thematically apropos things ever.

I pulled one of the pidgey roasts I'd been cooking off of the fire and smirked at Blue. [ ]

"Well, I hope your pidgeotto is fine with hunting something for herself. All we've got is some pidgey cuts left, and I wasn't planning on sharing until you showed up."

Pigeotto: “*Oh gods...*”
920825768873979925.webp

Luna: “*Quit being such a drama queen, Pokémon and their trainers need to eat.*”
663472557835550752.webp


Blue just smiled. "My team can hunt for themselves," he said. "I'll be fine, I don't eat meat."

I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting that one, especially since Anime!Gary canonically knows how to fish.

I sighed. I might have instantly disliked the kid but I wasn't gonna let a child starve. [ ]

"Funny thing," I started. I shot Blue my best smile as I went into my pack. I hoped I didn't look nuts. "I'm not as hungry as I thought and I have some extra rations."

I pulled one of my vegetarian emergency rations out, tossing the silver packet over to him.

Blue took it from me without a hint of bullshit on his face. He looked up from the food and I saw sincerity in his eyes.

"Thanks, I don't know how to cook."

how-are-you-not-dead-how-are-you-alive.gif


Though there’s a few paragraphs here that I felt worked better being divided up and expanded.

I widened my eyes as I sat down, pulling my own meal off the fire. [ ]

"Nobody ever taught you survival skills?"

Oh, so Marcus is basically having a turn doing the gif himself.
803821849384583219.webp


He shrugged. "Never really had anyone to teach me things like that. Not like it's been a problem so far."

I narrowed my eyes. "Who are you, kid?"

"An Oak," he replied.

Aaaaaaand there it is. I suppose that between his tougher-than-par team and grandpa being there to cut checks, that Blue’s not really wanting for anything.

[ ]

"Oh," I said. I nodded slowly. "My condolences then."

Even I knew what had happened to the Oak family. It had been the largest news story of the decade. They'd been the reigning dynasty of the pokemon world. Old Samuel Oak was grand champion, having dethroned Unova's Alder Adeku at the Pokemon World Tournament. His son was a rising star in the Indigo league, set to take the position of Viridian Gym Leader once the old leader retired.

I think that it probably makes sense to telegraph that something’s wrong with Marcus’ mood before he starts speaking up here. Also, would recommend fusing the “Even I [...]” and the following paragraph together.

Though I see you went with that part of Oak’s backstory in Adventures. Neat canon melding there.

It had all come crashing down in blood. A shocking murder mystery gripped all of Indigo when the Oak family was found dead in their Viridian home. No evidence was left and the investigation led nowhere. It was as if the murderer had simply disappeared into the ether. All the Oaks' pokemon were still in their balls and there was no sign of a struggle.

1105356025936228434.webp


Well then. Though I suppose that explains a few things about why Blue gets to take over the Viridian Gym after Gio gets the boot.

Samuel Oak retired from his champion position shortly after and retreated into his research. He took the kids in, shielding them from the hellish media attention. I hadn't seen or heard anything about the kids since, but clearly little Blue was set on the same path as his father. By the looks of things, he was already well on his way.

This is some sort of complex about measuring up to his parents, isn’t it? Though I suppose it would explain a thing or two about why Blue is such a perpetual brat in this setting.

"Yeah," he replied curtly. He finished his food and set the plate down beside me. "I'm gonna get an early start tomorrow. I'm heading down to Lavender if you're going that way."

Oh, so his Raticate’s days are numbered, numbered there.

[ ] I nodded.

"Gotta get back to Vermillion for my battle with Surge."

Blue raised an eyebrow at that. "How many badges do you have?"

"Two," I said. "Needed a third pokemon for Surge's battle."

- Blue glances over at Acolyte in the background -

Blue: “Really? A Cubone? That’s what you’re pinning your hopes to for getting past Surge?”
916590116670144542.webp


"So you came all the way out here?" Blue asked. "Why didn't you just catch yourself a diglett? Or evolve your nidorino and catch something else? Wouldn't matter what, Surge was a pushover for any ground types."

Small typo there. Though I’m guessing from the lack of mention of “why did you not just go to Pokémon Tower”, that it’s not a gravesite with Pokémon roaming around at the moment in this continuity.

[ ] I sighed.

"I like the view," I said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Can't get anything quite like this in Vermillion."

He smirked. [ ]

"I like you," he declared. "You're one of the good ones. You can take a joke." He unfurled his bedroll and laid it out on a flat spot.

I shrugged. "Gotta be able to laugh at yourself once in a while."

A couple more spots where it’d have been nice to get to see more of what was going on inside Marcus’ head.

Blue settled down into his bedroll, his raticate curling up beside him. Her eyes bored into me as the kid slowly drifted off. I snorted in laughter and rolled over. Luna trotted over to the fire and curled into my side, watching the raticate in return. I didn't mind letting myself drift off to sleep, knowing the two pokemon would be keeping a close watch on each other.

Wait, what’s going on with the underlined there for Marcus having a giggle? I think that I’m missing a step here.

I woke only once, when the droning buzz of a helicopter roared by in the distance. It faded away and I went back to sleep quietly.

Oh, well that’s ominous there. :copyka:

We woke up with the sun, both of us packing the camp silently. Blue helped me with my things, putting the fire out and washing up the dishes we'd made the night before. I thanked him and we got on our way before the sun began to climb higher into the sky.

I let Acolyte out while we travelled, to at least get him used to travelling with me. Luna stayed well ahead of us, keeping an eye out on the trail. We didn't run into many wild pokemon, which I found slightly odd. The size of our party should have attracted some attention, if nothing else.

Blue let out some of his pokemon. They stayed close to him, mistrusting the new human with their trainer. His eevee sat on his shoulder, while his raticate prowled the tree line for threats. Peri the pidgeotto kept swooping overhead, keeping an eye on things from above. I had to keep turning to look at the kadabra, as well as keep an eye on the arbok that slithered through the grassy forest floor behind us.

Couple of small errors here in these paragraphs.

It was about mid-day when Luna pulled back to us. Her ears were perked up, swivelling back and forth. Her tails flicked angrily and I took a moment to calm her before we continued on.

Less than ten minutes later, it happened again. Luna was standing still as a board in the centre of the path we were following. Acolyte stiffened and his grip on his bone club tightened. [ ]

"Stop," I ordered, looking at Blue. "Something's wrong."

Another spot where it probably makes sense to have the wheels turn in Marcus’ head a bit more.

He looked at me, then back down at my pokemon. "What do they hear?" He glanced around at his pokemon, watching for any signs of discomfort.

I shrugged. "Don't know, but it can't be good if it's got both Luna and Acolyte tense." I looked down the path and rubbed my temples. I could smell something, something burning. It was faint, as though carried on the wind. The wind died and our pokemon fell silent.

They’re going to run into Rockets in like 5 seconds, aren’t they?

A wailing cry of pain echoed across the forest. Blue and I met eyes. The cry repeated as we heard a terrible screech echo, like metal was being torn through sheer strength. [ ]

"Sounds bad?" I asked.

Blue listened again, waiting for the cry again. "Could just be a pokemon. Maybe pissed off a fire type."

Ah yes, that certainly sounds positive. /s

And no, Blue. It’s not just a pissed-off Fire-type. That’s not how these stories work.

I shrugged, then we heard the sound. The chopper roared by in the distance, heading towards a plume of smoke we could see rising through the trees.

It was mid-summer. The dry season. The entire forest was dried out as the summer heat baked the forest until the fall storms returned to replenish the plant life. The entire forest was a tinderbox, ready to spark into a fire that would be uncontainable.

Which sounds like a great place to be right now considering that you actively smell smoke at the moment.

I met Blue's eyes again. "We should help," I started. "You have a water type?"

He nodded. "Wartortle," he replied. He lifted a ball off his belt as he looked off at the smoke. "Let's go."

The chopper got to the crash site first. We watched it circle overhead as we jogged through the trees. Blue surprised me with his stamina. I was winded and lagging behind, but the teen just kept running.

Acolyte charged ahead as we closed with the downed chopper. He surged faster than Blue and I poured on the speed to keep up with them both.

Wait, but it wasn’t established that the screeching noise was from a vehicle crash. If the idea is that Marcus is recounting this sometime after the fact after the events of the story, it probably makes sense to say something along the lines of “I didn’t know it at the time, but that horrible racket was the sound of a crashing chopper”, or else this is a detail that you probably want to wait to reveal until Marcus and Blue made it to the actual crash site.

I burst through into the small clearing the helicopter had made as it crashed. The second chopper was still hovering overhead. I shielded my face from the heat, fire beginning to spread from the wreck of the downed chopper.

Pokeballs were strewn across the clearing, glistening in the flames.

Marcus: “... What in the…?”
701085210766344223.webp


The pilots had been thrown free of the crash. Both of them were clearly dead, their heads caved in by blunt blows. Their uniforms caught my eye. All black, with a stylized red R on the chest. The chopper had a stylized R on the bent wreckage of the tail.

Oh yeah, this is totally going to end well™, I can tell. /s

I froze. I knew that symbol. It was the same one I had seen on Curie's kidnapper's collar, the one that belonged to a defunct aerospace firm. I looked up at the chopper hovering above, saw the same logo, and knew we had stepped in deep shit.

Sure is a good thing that the second chopper isn’t actively opening fire on you right now. ^^;

A terrible screech of metal tearing from the downed chopped drew my attention back to the ground. The door on the side of the helicopter wrenched ever so slightly open and ground to a halt. Acolyte let out a terrible cry and my heart dropped in my chest.

It was a marowak.

It was the marowak.

Well, crap. I suppose that that’s one way to tell that Marcus’ PokéGear is compromised, since I have no idea how on earth the Rockets would’ve known to follow him otherwise. I do wonder if Marcus being followed should’ve been foreshadowed a bit more, since while I can think of ways of how we’d get to this destination, it still feels a bit sudden.

I knew it. She looked at me from across the clearing, then down at Acolyte. She looked back up at me and I saw the desperate pleading look in her eyes. [ ]

"Get the fire under control!" I shouted at Blue, taking command of the situation. "Now!"

Small capitalization error there. Though I feel that you’re missing a step going from Marcus seeing this to him having his “yeah, we need to do something” moment.

I dashed across the clearing, vaulting over fallen trees and crunching the underbrush underfoot. I slammed into the side of the helicopter, grabbing hold of the door handle as Acolyte and his mother struggled against it.

It wouldn't move. It was well and truly stuck. No matter how hard we pulled, the door would not move. The smooth metal was hot to touch, and I felt my skin searing as I pulled desperately to open the door. I fell back, my hands burning.

She’s just going to burn to death right in front of them, isn’t she?
698047915079237695.webp


Blue's wartortle was putting out some of the fires, but there was only so much he could do. The helicopter itself was on fire, and the fire just kept growing. I looked up at the marowak as she stopped struggling. We'd wrenched it open just far enough for Acolyte to squeeze through and he had disappeared through the door.

They embraced and I felt my heart pounding. Then the mother pushed Acolyte away and pressed a pokeball into his hands. She gestured around her, pointing to the rest of the pokeballs. Then it hit me.

Oh. Well then. I guess that answers the question of what became of the other Cubone and Marowak.
1105356025936228434.webp


The pokeballs were cubone. All of them. There were dozens, enough for the entire colony I had come across. I looked up at the hovering chopper and felt a newfound hatred for that red R. Somehow, they had seen my newest capture. Somehow they had access to the location data through Silph. They had taken the entire colony and it was all because of me.

Oh, well that’s some prime paranoia fuel there. Guess you should invest in some Apricorn balls from here on out, Marcus. Though I’m surprised that he knows that it’s the Pokéballs that tipped them off, since I don’t recall you explicitly mentioning that there was no PokéGear reception / he just pulled its battery out when he was starting to go into the boonies. Since you’d think that that would be an alternative way of tracking him when he was already paranoid about his communications with Gemma.

Though wouldn’t Marcus just know that these are Pokémon from Acolyte’s colony and not whether or not they’re Cubone or Marowak? Since he saw both in his visit.

The marowak tapped the door to get my attention. She held up the ball and nodded at me. I nodded back. We had an understanding. I would save her colony. I would save Acolyte's family.

Acolyte: “*And mom, right? You are going to save my mom, right?*”
Marcus: “...”
401074476474957834.webp

Acolyte: “*Marcus, why aren’t you saying anything?!*”
529934807551967242.webp


"Blue! Get the pokeballs! All of them!"

He looked around at them all and then back at me. "Why?"

"They're pokemon traffickers."

He looked around and his expression shifted into one of rage. Without another word, he began grabbing the balls and stuffing them into his bag.

Um. Marcus. I get that you want to do the right thing and all, but between this forest being a tinderbox and that second helo with presumably very armed passengers aboard, you might be better off just burying the Pokéballs and recovering them when the crash site burns out. :copyka:

I turned as Acolyte emerged from the chopper, pushing a half dozen balls towards me. I stuffed them into my bag as the marowak brought another armful. All of them went into my pack without hesitation. Acolyte disappeared with his mother, no doubt going back for more of his family.

Surprised that Marcus isn’t getting Luna involved in this as well, since you’d think that as a Fire-type, she’d be well-equipped for “rescue from a burning vehicle” as a situation.

A loud crash behind me drew my attention. A man had leapt from the chopper and landed on one knee. He had a bandolier strapped around his chest with a trio of strangely coloured pokeballs on it. He grinned at me from under a half-mask that covered the top half of his head.

"Best hand over those pokeballs if you know what's good for you."

Talk about skewed priorities after clambering out of a burning helicopter. Though wait, is this that same guy who shot up his motel, or…?

"Funny thing," I growled as I realized that I recognized him from the motel battle in Cerulean. This was the man who had nearly killed Gemma, had nearly killed me. "I was never much good at knowing what was good for me."

I feel like the underlined works a lot better coming before Marcus speaks up. Essentially, show his thought process and then his reaction.

Luna stepped out in front of me, growling at the man as my hand hovered over Pride's ball. Her tails flared and fire dripped from her maw.

The man smirked menacingly. "We get to do this the fun way then."

He pulled one of the balls off his belt and tapped it open. The flash of light grew, stretching up to the tops of the trees. Its tail elongated and stretched out behind it, thudding heavily onto the ground. The tyranitar tossed its armoured head back and roared, a sound that shook the very earth beneath my feet.

Luna: “*Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.*”
916590486356131850.webp

Tyranitar: “*Oh great, it’s you little bugs again.*” >:|

I released Pride and all hell broke loose. To call it a battle would have been folly. This was war.

Pride charged the tyranitar as Luna shot off like a rocket. The earth rumbled below us, but my pokemon kept their footing as I turned back to the chopper and frantically kept filling my bag.

Underlined IMO should be described in more detail than what you have at the moment.

>Pride charged the tyranitar as Luna shot off like a rocket.
>Pride charged the tyranitar

Pride: “*Hey wait, I never signed up for this! I demand to speak to my agen-!” O.O

The tyranitar spun, swinging its spiked tail. It connected solidly with Pride, tossing him effortlessly through the trees. An energy ball from Luna connected solidly with the side of the beast's head. It cracked to the side, bellowing in pain as it looked around for Luna.

Pride: “*... Ow.*” @.@

A stream of water carved into its back as Blue's pokemon began their own assault. His raticate leapt at the tyranitar's leg, scrabbling at the rock-hard scales. Peri circled above, looking for some opportunity to harass the monster from another angle.

Oh, so this is where Raticate is going to bite it, huh?

The tyranitar roared as it tore the raticate off its leg and tossed it headlong into the trees. Another energy ball slammed into its head from a different angle as Luna kept up her constant barrage of energy balls and wispy flames. I lost Clothos' form in the chaos as I rose to my feet and turned back to the chopper for Acolyte.

I felt a powerful grip on my shoulder and cried out in pain as I was wrenched around. I swung wildly, connecting harder than I'd ever punched before with the man's jaw.

He didn't even flinch.

I mean, you ran this guy over a few weeks ago and he got up afterwards. You honestly should’ve seen this coming, Marcus.

The masked man's fist slammed into my face, knocking me flat as pidgey danced in my head. I vaguely felt him haul me to my feet, but the whole world seemed so far away and my ears were ringing from the blow. He was yelling at me, yelling as the tyranitar spun angrily after Luna.

Marcus: “Luna?! A little help?!”
Luna: “*Marcus, I’m trying not to die right now!*”
581848391965736980.webp


He tossed me back to the ground and I just lay there limply. The man stood there, a vicious look of satisfaction worn on his face. He was leaning over me, still talking as if he was oblivious to my stunned condition.

I saw bright light from the corner of my eye, saw Acolyte's limbs lengthen and his body grow in a flash of light. His head grew, the bone cap around his head growing a pair of horns near the back of his head and thickening considerably. He stepped away from the flaming wreck of the helicopter, his mother's club in his hands.

Oh, well. I suppose that’s a sign that mama’s dead right about now. Though how on earth is this guy not armed right now given that he had that minigun last time?

My marowak slammed into the masked man from the side, clubbing him over and over with the bone as they rolled. The man used the momentum to roll Acolyte off of him and came back to his feet. He turned, making for the rope ladder that hung from the underside of the second chopper.

Cue the Bonemerang snipe in 3… 2…

Acolyte: “*Get back here, you fat bastard!*”
663472553570074646.webp


I clumsily climbed back to my feet and steadied myself against a fallen log. My hearing was still ringing and the world spinning, but even I could hear the roars of the tyranitar as it crashed through the trees like they were toothpicks. Luna was on a mad dash, staying barely ahead of the tyranitar as it gave chase.

Luna: “*Okay, I’m with Pride on this one! I wanna speak to my agent about thi-!*”
581848391965736980.webp


Blue's pokemon could do nothing to slow it down. I watched Clothos leap from a fallen log and land on the tyranitar's back. She found a purchase on the beast's back and held tight, fangs furiously gnawing on one of the tyranitar's spikes.

No Super Fang, huh? Since just saying, that would be really helpful right about now and about the only thing that would realistically do a bunch of damage to a Tyranitar unless TR evolved it unnaturally early with those radio waves.

Also, just saying, if this Tyranitar just flops over and rolls onto his back, I’m pretty sure that Clotho is going to get impaled in at least three different places. :copyka:

I watched Pride bound from the underbrush and slam into the tyranitar's knee just as Blue's arbok wrapped around its other leg. Luna turned and let off an energy ball just as Blue's wartortle clocked the the monster in the jaw with a jet of water that chipped away at its rocky hide. I watched as the tyranitar toppled and came crashing to the ground.

It landed on its back.

Hard.

Yeah, see, I knew that was a bad place to be for Blue’s Raticate.

Clothos: “*... Ow.*” X_X
Blue: “Clothos!
916590486356131850.webp


I watched the prone tyranitar disappear in a flash of light as the chopper rose into the sky. The man rose up out of the clearing as the ladder retracted and I lifted my pack off the ground. It was heavy, filled to the brim with pokeballs. I didn't dare look inside the burning chopper. Smoke had filled the cabin and I could see flames where the marowak had been standing.

[ ]

"Blue, we gotta go!" I groggily shouted, my head still ringing. "Gotta go now! Fire's getting worse!" I staggered over to the young trainer and stopped dead in my tracks.

701450038513238106.webp


Though it… wasn’t really clear to me that Acolyte’s was outside the chopper when he evolved. It might have made sense to give a passing mention of spotting him with his mother’s bone outside or something like that

In the dirt, dead centre of the impact crater the tyranitar had made when it fell, was the crushed and broken body of a raticate.

Blue: “Clothos? Clothos! Sp-Speak to me, Clothos!
401074476474957834.webp

Clothos: “*Urgh… should’ve insisted on a stunt double.*” X_X

I dropped to my knees as my eyes found Blue. He was sitting there, perfectly still. His eyes didn't waver, or show any ounce of hurt. He just sat there motionless, as though his eyes couldn't process the image they saw in front of him.

Ah yes, let’s check in on Blue right now:

Windows_9X_BSOD.png


I pulled myself up. [ ]

"Blue," I said. "We have to go."

It probably makes sense to give more of an explicit indication that the fire is starting to spiral out of control or something like that, since if the fire isn’t getting out of control and the masked attacker isn’t coming back, what’s the rush to move Blue on from grieving?

He looked at me and I saw the tears behind his façade. He was hurting, but he would never show another soul.

"Why?" He asked simply.

I didn't know the answer to that. There was no reason why. No reason except for me. And that? That was the worst part.

The underlined IMO works better if it’s shown more.

Pokédex entry #105 – Marowak

This mysterious pokemon sports an exoskeletal skull that has inspired all manner of tall tales throughout the ages. From stealing rhydon skulls to wearing the skull of their dead mother, it is difficult to separate fact and fiction when dealing with marowak and their ilk.

Huh. I guess that’s why you didn’t keep the Pokémon Tower population around, since it’d be a bit hard for them to be all mysterious in-setting if you could literally just walk up a stone tower and run into them.

What little is known is due to scattered reports from trainers around eastern Kanto. These pokemon seem to live in small tribes, far from human contact. Small colonies have been discovered in the Argent Mountains, as well as Fuchsia's Safari Zone, however most colonies are clustered in the inhospitable terrain north of Lavender. In an oddity, a thriving cluster of colonies have taken root in Alola after escaping from a careless collector's private nature preserve.

Wait, “tribes” or “colonies”? Remember to keep your phrasing consistent there.

Some of the colonies near Lavender have been known to gift young trainers with cubone who are ready to undergo evolution. The cubone traditionally travel with the trainer for a time, before returning to their colony after evolution and forming a new family unit of their own.

Ah yes, so that’s that “story following a party member from Marcus’ team after Journey” that you wanted to tell.

Novice Trainer KT# 07996101, Marcus Wright, current team

Luna, Vulpix

Pride, Nidorino

Acolyte, Marowak

Pride: “*Um… yay? I mean, we’re definitely prepared for Lt. Surge now, right?*”
Acolyte:
c21211d819b628a34ea24c48958665d0.gif

Luna: “*Pride, read the room!*”
732646451066306581.webp

Pride: “*... Right, not the best time.*”

Alright, let’s just start with summing up this chapter in an image:

663472555923079246.webp


Since boy did it go places by the end. Like I knew some of it was coming, but others still caught me off-guard, and boy did it hurt to see play out. Though I suppose that if Marcus didn’t already have enough of a reason to get into a one-man war with Team Rocket, he sure has it now. The action as always was impeccably done, and even the skirmishes like Pride’s test of strength with Acolyte’s mother were nicely-paced and kept things tense mostly without being immediately predictable as to where things would end. (The exception being Blue’s Raticate, but let’s face it, everyone in this fandom was expecting her to die the moment that Tyranitar came out.) I was also a bit of a sucker for the worldbuilding on display in this chapter, like yeah, some of it’s personal bias since I like Cubone/Marowak and have rolled with a similar take as to how they organize themselves in my own writings, but you did a pretty good job at selling a vision of what they were like.

That said, I do think that there were a few things about this chapter that didn’t quite stick the landing. Some of it’s trivial such as small typos or paragraphs whose formatting I didn’t agree with. Some of it is resolvable by additive editing like how the whole “show, don’t tell” thing with Marcus’ moods and internal thought processes reared its head again in this chapter, or a couple points where I found myself asking “why didn’t you just do [X]?” that would’ve benefitted from more explicitly spelling out the “why” for why [X] doesn’t make sense for Marcus (e.x. him instantly zeroing in on Acolyte’s Pokéball being the culprit for how the Rockets tracked him). But the main, bigger issue that supercedes them all is that you have too much going on in too few words and as such the entire sequence of events feels a bit noticeably compressed, to the point where I honestly wonder if things would’ve worked better with things being expanded into a chapter centered around getting Acolyte, and a chapter focusing on Blue and all the attendant aftermath that came along.

Now don’t get me wrong, the way you handled things for pacing still allowed for the ending to still work as a gut-punch, but it did make some of the leadup feel a bit “convenient”. Like how Marcus, with zero experience with Cubone or Marowak outside of online articles up to this point just goes into the boonies to a Cubone colony that he logically ought to expect to have little-to-no contact with humans (and you play up later when it comes out that Acolyte’s mom is familiar with humans and their behaviors and Marcus is surprised about it), plops down a bunch of berries along with a “hey, can I have one of your kids to tag along for my journey?”, and everyone understands all of that and just goes with it after Pride puts up a good showing sparring with Acolyte’s mom before Marcus immediately bounces. It just feels like there was a bit of a missed opportunity from not stopping to smell the proverbial roses a bit during that whole sequence by making Marcus win over the respect of Acolyte’s mom more of a process to get his point across intelligibly (or else if Acolyte’s mom just has a leg up on everyone else for understanding human speech, playing that up a bit more) and win over the colony’s trust and then leave afterwards (especially since Acolyte is depicted as being very shy and jittery in his first introduction, precisely the sort of personality that would be prone to having problems from being abruptly separated from the entire world they've known up to that point). Beyond providing a bigger canvas for showing off your Cubone colony worldbuilding, it’d give potential hooks to slip in foreshadowing that bad things are going to happen to Acolyte's colony, and most importantly, it gives us as readers an opportunity to get to know other members of Acolyte’s colony better such that the later reveal that the Rockets followed Marcus there even more of a knife-twist and to see Acolyte better as a Cubone such that his initial impression can be compared and contrasted since he grows up very quickly in the story, in multiple senses.

But altogether, I thought that this was a pretty good chapter, especially since the thrust of my criticisms with it essentially boils down to “I wanted to see more of what was there”. I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not to go for it or just leave things be, but I hope the feedback’s helpful, @Joshthewriter , and I’ll be looking forward to seeing where things go from here in the next couple chapters.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, coming back for another one of these chapters, since these things are kinda addictive and the last chapter left off one of those notes that was basically bait for coming back and seeing how things shook out sooner rather than later since… uh… yeah, things got really heavy towards the end there.

Let’s go and see how Marcus goes about picking up the pieces of everything from last chapter, not least of all of Blue’s Raticate:

Chapter 8

Death is not the end. It is but a single step upon the grand journey of life. — Elite Agatha Shikoku

So… Acolyte’s mom reappearing as a ghost, when?


A pair of rangers arrived less than ten minutes later, after spotting the rising smoke. They put out the fire, a golduck and a poliwhirl dousing the blaze before it could spark into a forest wide inferno. They'd seen the smoke while on patrol, and seen the chopper flying west in a hurry.

One of them had given chase on the back of his pidgeot, but the passengers of the chopper had released a scizor that had driven him off. The masked bastard was just gone, leaving us to deal with the mess he'd left behind.

Ah yes, 2 dead people, at least 2 dead Pokémon, and the burned-out husk of a helicopter. That one’s going to take a while to sift through.

Blue went kind of non responsive for a bit. The rangers couldn't get a word out of him so I explained everything. I gave them as much as I could without mentioning Curie or the woman who had taken her. I couldn't be sure who to trust with that kind of information.

Oh, so Blue’s literally bluescreening right about now.

I showed them the cubone we had collected, almost thirty pokeballs in all. They balked when I told them, but didn't tell me what to do with them. I was hoping they would know what to do. I certainly didn't.

Ranger #1:
kermit-not-my-problem.gif

“They’re yours now, buddy.”
Marcus: “Oh, you’re real helpful right now.” >_>;

They'd lost their mother. I didn't know about any of the other marowak, but I had a sinking feeling that none of them had made it onto that chopper. I wasn't going to just release them. That would be a death sentence out here. Without a marowak to lead them, they wouldn't stand a chance in the wild.

I mean… you could open their Pokéballs and check to find out? Though does it make sense for Marcus to reflexively assume that none of the other Marowak made it aboard? Since if the Rockets had Acolyte’s mom, doesn’t that imply that they at least tried to catch the other Marowak instead of just killing them all off?

Dunno, I feel as if it might’ve made more sense for him to find out the hard way that “well crap, all these Pokéballs just have Cubone” either by doing a quick check or else if the Rangers have some sort of Pokéball scanner/reader with them to try and geolocate where they came from, via that method.

And as selfish as it was, I didn't want to let Acolyte go so early. I reasoned to myself that he wasn't ready to lead yet. I knew the terrible selfish truth behind that lie. I just didn't want to lose my newest pokemon.

Wow, Marcus. Just wow.

I mean, Marcus probably would’ve been right considering how Acolyte didn’t exactly scream “leader” material from what we saw of him last chapter, but still. Just filing that one away as something that’s a part of Marcus’ character.

If you want to make Marcus’ motivation land a bit more sympathetically to the audience here, I’d recommend tying his reluctance to let Acolyte go more cleanly to Curie and her current plight. Since there are different flavors of “selfish” that elicit different levels of sympathy from the beholder, and “selfish for keeping my little baby Happiny alive and not having to start from zero for getting past Surge’s gym when I’ve spent an entire month just getting to this point while constantly dreading that that Tulip lady’s going to abruptly give an angry phone call telling me to stop dragging my feet” adds some additional context and rationalization for Marcus’ thought process that will likely land quite a bit further on the “sympathetic” end of the scale in a way that “selfish for not wanting to go from three Pokémon to two” does not.

The rangers had teleported us back to Lavender after that. Blue hadn't been hurt, but I'd taken a serious blow to the head and was still feeling dizzy. They checked us in at the pokemon centre and then disappeared again, leaving me with a contact number in case I remembered anything useful.

The nurse checked our pokemon in and stuck me in the centre's infirmary. It was a slow day in an already sleepy town and I was the only human patient they had. I was basically left alone in a darkened room while Blue left to go visit the Pokemon Tower. He mumbled something about saying goodbye.

So, wait, is that including or excluding those 30 Cubone? Since it wasn’t really communicated whatever became of them after he showed the Rangers their Pokéballs? ^^;

I couldn't blame him.

I didn't think I'd have been in much better shape had it been one of my pokemon.

Don’t worry, Marcus. You’ll get a turn at this at least once in the future.

It was maybe an hour after checking into the centre before my pokegear rang. I didn't recognize the number. I picked it up cautiously. "Hello?"

A haggard voice came out of my pokegear. "Is this a trainer named Marcus Wright?"

"Yes," I said. "Who is this?"

I heard the sound of rustling and a pained grunt come through the speakers. "Professor Samuel Oak," he said. "I hear you helped my grandson out of a tight spot."

Oh, hi, Professor Oak. Though what exactly are you doing right now if there’s rustling noises and you being in obvious pain right now?
827659294400970753.webp


My spine instinctively stiffened upon hearing the name. "Yes, sir." I forced the pain of the headache and the accompanying dizziness out of my mind for the moment.

"Well, I just wanted to thank you personally. I had a contact in the rangers pass this number on to me after some sort of incident near Lavender, and Blue hasn't answered any of my calls."

His voice was anxious and clearly worried. The old professor sounded like he'd been crying with how hoarse his voice was.

Can’t tell if that’s over Blue or if he’s already at Sawtooth Island as things are going pear-shaped at the moment.

My heart sank. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. He lost a pokemon today. His raticate."

The elder professor sighed heavily and I heard a long pause. [ ]

"I was afraid of this day," he said quietly. "It is not a happy day to lose a pokemon. How is he managing?"

Wait, implying that this is normal for Pokémon trainers’ journeys in this setting? I mean, I suppose I should’ve seen it with that one blurb about how half of trainers don’t make it past their third badge, but still.
1220916380468117705.webp


I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to ward off the building headache. [ ]

"I'm not really sure, sir. I was injured in the incident and he left shortly after we arrived in Lavender. He hasn't really said anything about it."

I do think that it’d have been worth showing off a bit more of Marcus’ thought process here.

Oak sighed heavily again through the phone.

"So much like his father, internalizing everything." I heard him mumble under his breath and couldn't make out the words. "Well, in any case, thank you. If there's anything I can do to help you at this time, please let me know."

I sat up a little straighter, an idea popping into my head. Oak was a researcher, studying pokemon behaviours. I had a suspicion he would leap at my idea.

"Actually, there might be something you can help me with," I started. "The traffickers we battled against had captured most of a cubone colony. I have twenty-six cubone and one newly evolved marowak in pokeballs. I don't know what to do with them. They won't survive in the wild on their own and…"

My voice trailed off and I despised that I couldn't give the professor the whole truth. I couldn't be sure who was listening.

"I feel responsible for their safety. The colony had gifted me with a cubone two days before this." I paused momentarily. "He evolved into a marowak in the course of the battle."

I mean, you could certainly do worse for dealing with those Cubone. While I’m sure that their colony culture’s going to be all sorts of screwed up because of this, being under Oak’s care does sound like it’d help stave off mortality-related issues.

I heard Oak's voice quicken with excitement despite my somber tone. [ ]

"Cubone are exceedingly rare. I've never had a chance to study them up close." I heard the sounds of papers rustling and then Oak was back. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I have nowhere to house them until they can fend for themselves. It would only be until enough of the cubone evolve and take charge of the group."

Bold of you to assume that Oak’s going to just let them go, Marcus. Since I’m sure that he wants a chance to see how Cubone colonies work under more normal circumstances.

"My lab has extensive facilities designed for such an occasion, although I'll have to have the enclosure dramatically expanded of course. We've never had quite so many specimens at one time." I could practically hear the man gushing with excitement. "I would be more than happy to oblige you, young man."

I’m beginning to understand why your elevator pitch for that “Acolyte returns” fic was that the colony went full “Lord of the Flies”. Since… uh… yeah. I can already tell that Oak’s not quite going to get everything that he needs for Acolyte’s colony to put itself back together in a healthy and sustainable fashion.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Whoever that masked man was, I knew he was connected to the woman who had taken Curie. While I would no doubt hear about it at some point, I didn't want the cubone to be in danger because of me. A former champion turned pokemon researcher was the perfect guardian for the vulnerable group of pokemon.

Marcus: “I still think those Rangers should’ve at least tried to volunteer to help, but whatever. They’ll be better protected this way.” >_>;

"They are all freshly captured and likely very hostile after what happened," I said. "You'll likely have some work on your hands."

"That's what all the assistants are for, my boy." A loud crash echoed through the phone and I heard Oak wince audibly. "My apologies, I have a situation that requires my attention. Thank you for everything you've done, Marcus. I'll send one of my assistants to pick up the pokeballs immediately."

Lol. Lmao. I suppose that explains a thing or two about how Oak and the other professors hand out Pokédexes like candy. Since turnover must be insane.

"No," I replied. "thank you." I replied, sighing in relief. "I had no clue what I was going to do with them."

I mean, if you had gotten Acolyte to calm them down, you could’ve dumped them on your parents back on the farm… though considering how the Rockets probably want them back, maybe Oak’s the best option after all.

Oak ended the call and I looked cautiously around the room. I swung my legs off the side of my bed, ignoring the spike of pain in my brain and the swell of dizziness it brought on. I had things to do, and concussion be damned, I still had to do them.

Marcus: “Let’s see here: prepare for my Gym Challenge with Surge, act as an amateur therapist for my bone lizard… Where do I even start here?”

I picked up my pokemon from the front desk just as the apprentice teleported in, alakazam standing motionless behind him. He looked haggard and exhausted.

I crossed the room and hefted my pack onto the floor in front of him. It thudded heavily onto the floor and he jumped. "You the professor's assistant?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes, you would be a mister Wright?"

"Yeah."

Marcus: “Um… are you alright there, buddy?” .-.

He pulled the duffel bag off his shoulder and began to transfer the balls into his bag. [ ]

"You were with Blue? How is he? We were all so torn up when we heard."

I frowned. "He's down right now, but he'll get back up."

Probably want to elaborate more on the assistant’s reaction before he speaks up here.

Marcus: “I just hope that he’s a bit less of an ass whenever that happens.” >_>;

The assistant finished transferring the balls into his bag. He thanked me again before disappearing with a short pop along with the alakazam. I left the centre, ready to leave the sleepy town full of death behind me. I only had one more thing to do.

I’ll admit that I feel that this scene went by really quickly here. I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense to have added something else for Marcus to do in the interim like trying to feel out what was going on with Acolyte and try and soften the blow of “hey, I know that you’re worried about your buddies, but they’re all going to be in good hands”.

Come to think of it, I actually wonder if it’d have been worth showing Marcus attempt to send one of the Cubone out and then discovering that they’re reflexively frightened and hostile towards humans now. Especially since I’m sure that that would’ve been a potential vector to bounce Marcus and Acolyte off each other a bit more up to this point.

I found Blue exactly where I expected him to be. He was in the sprawling graveyard that surrounded Pokemon Tower, a small marker and the freshly filled earth the only sign that a pokemon was buried at his feet.

Huh. That actually makes me wonder if Red’s actively stomping around right about now himself. Especially since we know from The Champions that he indeed exists. Since IIRC, in the game continuity, you meet Blue visiting the grave of a Pokémon, and nobody says that couldn’t have been there for a while in this setting.

I didn't want to linger in this place. I could feel the eyes on me, could feel the spectral presences of a thousand ghosts dogging my every step. But still, no trainer should be alone after losing a pokemon.

Oh, so we are going to see Ghost!Mom in this chapter? Or is that a red herring there?

"Hey, kid," I said quietly. "Got a call from your grandfather."

"So did I," he replied curtly. He didn't look up at me, his gaze fixed on the hand-carved marker. "Didn't really feel like talking."

Wait, wait, wait. Just how long has it been since the end of the last chapter/beginning of this one. Since you’d think that hand-carved anything would take a while to make.

I nodded to myself. [ ]

"Of course, I get it." I joined him in silence, looking down at the grave. "She was a good raticate," I said reverently. "She'll be missed."

IMO, one or the other point here in Marcus’ dialogue should be fleshed out to show more of his internal thought process here.

I saw Blue bow his head slightly, and caught the tears begin to form at the edges of his eyes. The kid looked down at the grave [ ].

"She is missed," he said plainly. "She didn't deserve that, to die fighting that thing."

Marcus: “Technically, didn’t she die because the Tyranitar fell on-?”
Blue: “Can you not right now?!”
785236292803100683.webp


I stood there, my mind racing. This kid had lost his pokemon because of me, all because I had caught Acolyte. I couldn't help coming back to that again, finding the event that all of this stemmed from sticking in my mind.

Well, no. It was more because he decided to send a Raticate into battle against a fully evolved pseudo-legendary. Like the real accomplishment is that more of your Pokémon aren’t dead right now, especially from what we’ve seen of that thing in action in the past.

"I never got the chance to thank you," he said quickly. "I stole your food and you gave me more without even thinking."

"Trainers help each other," I said without a second thought. "We're on our own out here, just us and our teams against the wilderness." I smirked. "Besides, what kind of person would I be if I let a kid starve to death while I had food?"

Yeah, I’ll admit, with how much of an obnoxious dick Blue was in his introduction, I was fully expecting Marcus not to be anywhere near as hospitable as he was towards him. Guess those words of wisdom from Gemma really stuck with him.

He set his eyes on me, that determined glare that I would come to know so well boring into me.

"You didn't have to share it," he said. "You didn't have to, but you did."

Wait, wait, implying that Blue will be back in this story later on? Though I suppose that’s one way to tell that Death of Duty is being narrated after the fact from sometime much further out in the future.

He reached into his pack, pulling out a small pockmarked stone. [ ]

"I found this in a cave on Mount Moon. There was a big meteorite underground. It evolved my nidorino when he touched it."

[ ] He paused as I took the stone, his glare softening.

"I want you to take this. I broke it off the meteorite after the evolution, thinking it might be valuable." He shrugged and handed it to me. "Maybe it could help you evolve your nidorino."

I think that it probably makes sense to show off a bit more of Marcus’ thought process during all of this. Though I suppose that’s a sign that I should be keeping a close eye on Pride since I’ve already been spoiled to the fact that he evolves right before dying in this story.

I put up my hand, holding the stone back out to him. [ ]

"I can't take this," I protested. I was the reason his pokemon was dead. I didn't deserve a reward, even if it was as tempting as this. "You might need it."

The underlined IMO works better being pulled forward before Marcus speaks up to Blue.

He shook his head. "Trainers help each other," he said, shaking his head. "You said that yourself. You helped me, I'm helping you."

He stepped back, pushing the stone back at me. [ ]

"If you give that back, I'm throwing it away."

Some more spots where IMO it’d be worth to break up and expand this existing paragraph.

I smiled as best I could. He didn't deserve to have this hanging over his head. He was just a kid.

"You sure?" I asked.

He nodded, looking back down at the grave.

"She would have wanted me to pay you back," he said solemnly. I saw tears threaten welling in his eyes and watched him look away. "She was a good pokemon like that."

Some more suggestions for this section here.

I put my hand on his shoulder. Blue flinched, but he didn't move my hand nor move away. [ ]

"I know what you're feeling," I said. "I know that you feel guilty about what happened to Clothos."

"How could you?" he asked coldly.

Marcus: “Uh… well, I technically have gone through something similar with a Pokémon of mine, but I really should stop talking right now about it-” .-.

I didn't let my smile fade, even as the memory of the tragedy that incited my departure from home came surging back.

"I lost my little sister before I started my journey. It was a persian attack," I said, my voice shaky.

It still hurt to think of Margaret after almost a year, but he needed someone to help him through his loss. [ ]

"I didn't understand at first. I blamed myself. I blamed my family… I blamed her."

[ ] I met his eyes, knowing that he needed to hear what I was saying.

"Sometimes there's just nobody to blame. Sometimes, it's just the way things go. They aren't fair or right, or even someone's fault. They just are."

I feel that given that this is more than a little bit of an emotionally fraught topic for Marcus, that it probably makes sense to slow down and show off more of that inner turmoil in his mind. Also, it would help quite a bit with breaking up what’s presently a very long and dense paragraph with lots of successive switchovers between dialogue and description.

Marcus: “Also, that. I was kinda hoping not to dredge all that up again, but…”

His gaze fell to the dirt. "I could have-"

"You can't dwell on what could have been, or what you could have done differently," I said, as much for his benefit as mine. "What happened in the past is set in stone now. The only thing left is how you move on."

I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, his eyes betraying the stoic demeanour he wore. [ ]

"You're a good trainer, Blue. You're smart and a damn sight more mature than I ever was at your age. Clothos may be gone, but you can carry on for her."

I take it that Oak won’t be chewing Blue out with a ‘reason you suck’ speech when Red kicks him from his pedestal at the Indigo League in this continuity. Since as nice as this is for Blue, I admittedly would not have called his baseline portrayal in the games “mature” at the time of the main campaign. ^^;

He nodded and I saw his expression soften for a moment as he regained his composure. Then his hard, sarcastic gaze was back.

"What kinda weakling do you think I am?" he asked with a cocky smirk.

I smirked. "That's the attitude I remember." I looked around me, at the rows of graves surrounding us. "What's your plan, kid?"

Not really feeling the “smirk” and “smirked” in the present formulation. If nothing else, at least call more attention to it with something like “I smirked back myself.”

He shrugged. [ ]

"Still got Celadon waiting for me."

"I meant right now."

He met my eyes and the cocky grin wavered. [ ]

"Might say goodbye for a little bit." He looked back down at the marker and grimaced. "I… I got a call to make. I've got a friend that's been through this before." He grimaced. " Thank you, Marcus. I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

Wonder if that friend he’s referring to is Red or someone else specific to this setting. Though if it is Red… just which Pokémon of his bit it while traveling around? :copyka:

I sighed and shook my head. [ ]

"You don't have to apologize, kid. I gotta get back to Vermilion myself. Still got a match with Surge waiting for me."

He smiled. "Smell ya later then."

I couldn't help the chuckle. Despite the badass team of pokemon and the cocky attitude, Blue was still just a kid. It was easy to forget that.

"I'll see you around, Blue."

Which given the implication of that one line of narration earlier… I suppose we will be seeing him again sometime soon, even if I’m not sure when that’s going to be.

I left that place, only pausing to look back once. Blue was still standing there, looking down at the marker. A boy in a red training jacket and hat had joined him, both of them staring down at the marker in silence. I turned back, leaving the grieving trainers behind.

Oh, speak of the devil… hello, Red. I can already tell that it’s not going to be the last time we see you, either.

I made it partway to Saffron that night and set up camp under the stars. My plan had been to cut through the underground path and head back to Vermillion that way. If all went well, I'd be back in Vermillion before the month was out.

I should have expected to see her again after my run-in with the masked man. I should have been ready. I was watching the fire and picking at the scraps from my meal, fighting off nausea and dizziness as I ate. She emerged from the darkness, the masked trainer towering over both of us at her side.

Oh, hello, Domino(?). And Mr. Browning is here, too.

Marcus: “Um… hi? What are you doing here? And why is he with you again?”
1302630120770633779.webp


[ ] I shot Luna a look as I watched them approach.

"Enough," I said as I calmed her down with a scratch behind the ears. "Not now, Luna."

Luna isn’t explicitly mentioned starting to get agitated at the sight of the two Rockets. You probably want to drop that in such that it provides context for Marcus calming her down.

I looked up at the woman with a bored expression, trying to put on a brave expression. [ ]

"What do you want?"

"To remind you the terms of our arrangement," she spat.

Another spot where it probably makes sense to show more of Marcus’ thought process right now, since you’d think that some flavor of “Who does this bitch who stole Curie think she is coming back here?” would be on his mind right now.

A loud buzz filled the air and I realized too late that I knew what it was. The scizor hit me from the side, tearing Luna away and knocking me flat in one smooth movement.

My vulpix struggled briefly, spewing a jet of flames that scorched the ground beside our campfire. The scizor knocked her out with one swift blow to the base of her head. It dropped my starter into the dirt unceremoniously and let her lay there motionless.

Surprised that given these two’s less than thrilled attitudes at the moment, that they didn’t go the extra step of having Scizor clamping a claw on her to get her into prime position for “play ball or die” there.

I clambered to my feet, fists clenched. I returned her to her ball and gritted my teeth for what was coming next. I couldn't fight back, not against her. Not if I wanted Curie back alive. I had to take this with a smile.

"Did you forget what you were supposed to be doing?" She asked. "Did you forget what your only job was?"

Marcus: “Look, it’s not my fault your buddy just came crashing into my life and tried to kill me. Again.
590253472188727333.webp


"Run the gym challenge," I replied curtly. "Which I was doing."

She shook her head. "No, you were off playing hero halfway across the country. Your battle is in Vermillion, not Lavender."

Marcus: “Look, lady, I literally didn’t have a third Pokémon to get past the door and I was working on fixing that. If it was really such a problem, you could’ve at least offered to give me my Happiny back!”
648431671401644032.webp


I shrugged nonchalantly, trying to keep calm. [ ]

"I needed a third pokemon for Surge. I was hoping to have Curie evolved by now, but without her I needed to catch something new."

I glanced at the masked trainer. [ ]

"Someone decided to track the location of my latest capture and capture a bunch of rare, probably expensive pokemon."

Oh hey, so he basically makes exactly the same argument that I went with in my cutaway gags. Though it probably makes sense to show off a bit more of Marcus’ internal seething and the like during all of this.

The masked man narrowed his eyes. [ ]

"That's enough out of you. Release him your Marowak," he ordered coldly. "Now."

[ ] I slowly reached down and lifted Acolyte's ball. He materialized in front of me, bone club held lazily at his side. He saw the masked trainer and let out a feral growl. [ ]

"Stand down, Acolyte," I said firmly. I stepped in front of him, pleading with my eyes.

It probably makes sense to be explicit that Mr. Browning is referring to Acolyte since Marcus has two male Pokémon in his party right now.

He hefted his club with both hands and looked at me furiously. He wanted to fight. [ ]

"Please, Acolyte," I begged. "Please don't."

Acolyte: “*Marcus, my mom’s dead because of this fat bastard! Why the hell are you defending him right now?!*”
785236292803100683.webp

Marcus: “Look, just… play along with me, please.”
401076862924750848.webp


He lowered the club slightly but still kept it in a ready position. I breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed I had some measure of control over my newest pokemon.

The masked man scowled and looked my marowak up and down. [ ]

"So this is what we missed out on?" he asked. He sighed and his fists tightened. "Woulda been a damn good return on the colony. Return him," he ordered. "What about the cubone?"

Marcus:
kermit-not-my-problem.gif

“Guess they must’ve burned up in that wreck, since I certainly don’t have them right now-”
Masked Man: “Look, you little punk, if you’re planning on breathing in the next 30 seconds, you’ll drop the fresh attitude and give me a straight answer.”

The woman stifled a laugh as I returned Acolyte to his ball. I was completely alone at their mercy.

"He handed them off this morning. They're out of our reach now. Probably already safely at Oak's lab."

whywouldyoudothat.jpg


Marcus, the correct response was to pretend that you couldn’t get to the Pokéballs in time and that they burned up in the forest fire. Now, you’ve both pissed these two off, and informed them where to look to try and recover them.

The masked man shook his head. [ ]

"Now, that sounds like it was a poor choice."

I balled up my fists as righteous anger swelled up inside me. [ ]

"No, tracking a trainer's capture location was a poor choice." I rose to my feet and stepped forward, indignant as I could be. "They aren't yours, to be caught and sold to the highest bidder like they're barely even animals. The cubone were intelligent. They had their own society. You don't get to take that away."

Masked Man: “Hey, Tulip. You have the Pokéball for that guy’s Happiny on you? I wanna show him exactly where this hero-wannabe shtick of his leads right now.”
648431671401644032.webp


The man said nothing, but exhaled slightly through his nose. My eyes widened and I knew I had made a mistake.

"I didn't give Oak anything on you," I said quickly. I stepped back, fear swelling in my chest. "Or the Rangers. Nobody knows a-"

Again, this is why you were supposed to tell him that the Pokéballs burned up, Marcus.

The masked trainer's fist slammed into my chest, driving the wind from my lungs. A second fist into my gut doubled me over and made my vision swim. I felt a third blow into my ribs and grunted as I dropped to my knees.

He lifted me off the ground with one arm, meaty hand wrapping around my throat. I felt him squeeze, felt myself panic as I tried and failed to draw a breath. [ ]

"That's not the point," he spat in my face. He tossed me to the ground and crossed his arms. "You interfered with our operations and cost us the cubone colony. The organization is after my head for this. You're lucky I'm not cracking your happiny's ball as we speak."

He glanced back at the woman with a look of disgust. [ ]

"Someone has a bleeding heart and doesn't think that's been earned yet." He turned back to look at me and scowled. "If it were up to me, you would already be dead."

Marcus: “Wait, a minute, so you actually have Curie’s ball with you right no-!”
Domino(?): “Enough. You will speak when prompted, understood?”

"Fortunately, that decision is not yours." The woman stepped forward, speaking with more force than I had expected. "He's not your mark, Vicious."

Wait, wait. As in that one poacher from the Celebi movie? I mean, I suppose the Pokémon list does check out between the two of them.

He backed off, but kept his cold gaze on me. [ ]

"Bah, this is why I don't work with other divisions. You're all a bunch of softhearted shits. No spine when it comes time to put the screws to your mark"

Domino(?): “Well, gee, excuse me for not killing a dozen unrelated people while trying and failing to accomplish my objectives, Vicious! Do you have any idea how much it cost to buy off the local police after your faceplant in Cerulean?!”
663472553570074646.webp

Marcus: “I’m sorry, did you just say that you bought off the police after shooting up that motel? Who the hell are you two?” O.O

The woman pointedly ignored him and stepped closer to me. [ ]

"Let me put it in very simple terms. Your battle with Surge is in the morning." Her voice dropped low and she leaned in close. She produced a pokeball from one pocket and held it out to me. "You will win that battle," she said. "Or you will never see this ball again."

Marcus: “Oh gee, no pressure there. And since when did you care about getting things done on a schedule?!”
401076862924750848.webp

Domino(?): “When you started interfering with our business ventures in your spare time. Clearly you need someone breathing down your neck to keep you productive.” >:|

I took Curie's ball and curled my hand around it. I couldn't let that happen. [ ]

"Not to ruin the plan," I started, my voice hoarse and my throat aching. "But how am I supposed to get to Vermillion by the morning?"

She smirked and looked back at the masked man. [ ]

"We have our ways."

It probably makes sense to articulate the whole “bruh, we’re nowhere close to Vermillion” in Marcus’ thoughts up to this point since you’d think that that would be a source of strong panic for him being given a seemingly impossible task.

Their way turned out to include a white knuckle helicopter ride just over the tops of the trees. We roared over the trees, low enough to stay off of any ground based radar. I worried that we might be seen by an aerial patrol, but none crossed our path that night.

Marcus:
giphy.gif

Domino(?): “For crying out loud, can you not right now?”
590253472188727333.webp

Vicious: “You could’ve just left things as being an impossible task and just killed that dweeb’s Happiny, just saying, Tulip.” >_>;

I had Curie asleep on my lap the entire ride. She passed out barely even ten minutes off the ground. I spent the entire ride staring daggers at the masked trainer, my free hand gently caressing the back of Curie's head. It passed by far too quickly.

We touched down in a clearing just north of Vermillion. I returned Curie to her ball and handed it over when ordered. It crushed me to do it, but I didn't have a choice. Like it or not, Curie and I were only alive because they needed us for something, something big. Otherwise, why blackmail a Silph trainer? I would play along for now, until the moment was right. Then I would find my way out.

I’m surprised that these two allowed Marcus to do this. I suppose they’re very confident about their ability to take control of things if Marcus did something stupid there. Like short of Vicious holding a gun at Marcus’ head the entire flight (which frankly, wouldn’t be that shocking since he’s more than a little trigger-happy in this continuity) I’d frankly have at minimum expected one of the Rockets to hold onto Curie’s ball such that they decide when Marcus’ wholesome fun time with baby is done.

The helicopter roared back into the night, leaving me completely alone in the small clearing. I relaxed my fists and looked down at the small, round, white rock in my hand. Curie's rock. She had dropped it in my lap and it didn't return to her ball with her. I made a silent promise to myself, that I'd get her back, give her back the silly little rock in my hand.

Cue her waking up without it and going full:

marill-pokemon.gif


That prompts an unscheduled return back by Domino(?) in like a chapter.

With a grunt and a sigh of exhaustion, I made my way to Vermillion. My legs felt like they were dragging through a snow drift and my head was groggy but I powered through the pain. I reached the gates of Vermillion before the sun rose. The rangers waved me through after checking my ID, something that I hadn't remembered when I first arrived. I chalked that up to entering the city during an active emergency.

Um… Just saying, you probably should’ve just gone and asked what that was all about, Marcus. Since you being uncurious about your surroundings is partially how you got into this whole mess with Curie at the moment.

I pulled out my pokegear and plugged it in once I reached the pokemon centre. I still had a few hours until sign in for my match, so after checking my pokemon in for some last minute emergency care, I flipped over to the phone feature. I had twelve missed calls and several texts from Gemma overnight.

I hit dial before I read the text. It rang once. "You sneaky little novice bastard," she said as the line picked up. "How the hell did you catch a cubone?"

… Boy it sure is a good thing that Vicious didn’t think to check Marcus’ PokéGear and attempt to socially engineer Gemma into outing her hiding place. :copyka:

I can’t tell if that’s a giant oversight of his, or if that’s a sign that the Rockets have been snooping on their comms all this time. I’m kinda leaning towards the latter given that Gemma apparently has been snooping on Marcus’ Pokéball activity herself given that he’s never been mentioned telling her this in the past.

I couldn't help the effortless smile that came to my face. I may have been in pain, but Gemma's enthusiasm was infectious.

"Luck and persistence," I replied. "He's a fierce one too. Not a fan of Pride though. I swear I have to separate them at the end of every sparring session. He's already evolved into a marowak."

Gemma: “Wait, what? How?
Marcus: “He was pretty high-leveled? I mean, he was outspeeding Pride when I got him in spite of having 35 base Speed, so…” ^^;

"Surge won't stand a chance against him," she said in a giddy tone. "His teams are mostly energy based attackers. The only real threat you'll face is his raichu, maybe his magneton but Luna counters that pretty well."

She paused for a moment. [ ]

"How did you even get a match? I thought you were still hiking up the coast another week at least."

Marcus:
laughter-worried.gif

Gemma: “Marcus, what’s going on?”
401085511176814613.webp


[ ] I hesitated for a moment too long.

"I… uhhhh… caught a teleport from Lavender. Something opened up for me and with Acolyte evolving so quickly I figured we were ready."

Wait, how developed and economical is the teleportation system in Journey’s setting anyways? Since I remember it being mentioned in passing in The Champions, and you’d think that unless it’s ungodly expensive, that it’d put a lot of competing forms of transportation out of business.

"You definitely are," she continued, missing my slight hesitation. "He walls basically anything Surge can throw at him. He always runs raichu-magneton as his core for intermediate matches, but the third always plays to your weaknesses."

She paused for a half-moment. [ ]

"What are they?" She asked.

"You'd know better than me," I said.

"No, I haven't seen Pride or Luna in over a month. Acolyte is completely new to me. I have no clue what their synergy is like, nor what their weaknesses would be."

Ground and Water considering your present team, just saying. Even if Surge is likely going to have to pick one or the other to work with to make your life hell. It’s totally going to be Water, isn’t it?

I thought for a long moment. [ ]

"Stopping power. We don't have the strength to brute force our way through a battle. We have to win with strategy more than strength."

I could practically hear the laugh in her voice. [ ]

"Good luck, then. He's gonna bring his biggest glass cannon and try to blitz you down." She paused a moment. "He has speed on his side, with the exception of maybe Luna. He won't give you any time to set up. You'll be in for a fight from the opening moments of the battle."

I think that these moments in particular are ones where it would make sense to show off a bit more of Marcus’ internal thought process as he tries to answer Gemma’s questions, especially if he’s internally wrestling with “don’t out that Curie’s kidnapped” all the while.

I nodded. I missed Gemma, her sage advice and battle tips. It wasn't her fault that I couldn't tell her about Curie. [ ]

"Thanks, Gemma."

She stopped talking. "No problem, novice."

"How's Saffron treating you?" I asked. "Still bored?"

Again:
whywouldyoudothat.jpg


Marcus, if you’re worried about your PokéGear’s line being tapped, why on earth would you bring up any specifics about Gemma’s location when she’s got an active hit out for her?

There was a long pause, with both of us remaining silent. [ ]

"Things are pretty bad," she finally said. "There was an attack the day after that guy came after us. They hit Silph headquarters in broad daylight and incited a riot in the markets. They put the city on lockdown. Nobody in or out of their homes. The streets are clear every day now. It's almost creepy to look down at what should be the busiest street in Kanto and see not a single person."

Ah yes, so like BPD’s response to the Boston Marathon bombings in Watertown, but times a thousand if Saffron’s anywhere near as big as its anime depiction in this continuity.

I sucked in a breath. It had to be connected to the masked trainer and the woman. I was beginning to suspect that there was a much larger conspiracy going on than I had originally thought. The woman likely worked with whoever was threatening Silph, and Vicious was from an entirely different division of their organization.

I mean, are you sure about that, Marcus? Since Vicious literally tried to kill Gemma, and that was revealed to be a part of a scheme to retaliate against Silph based on what you found out from Gemma and her dad. That’s not what I would define as an entirely unrelated assignment, there.

"You alright?" she asked. "You seem a little off today."

[ ]

"I've been up all night. Couldn't sleep and…" I trailed off, unsure of what to say. I knew I was likely being listened to. "I… I watched a friend lose a pokemon yesterday."

[ ] She didn't say anything so I continued.

"I watched it happen and it was my fault. I led us into the situation. I was just trying to help some wild pokemon. I escalated the situation and his pokemon paid the price."

A couple more spots where IMO it would make sense to get into Marcus’ head more. Like is he panicking and freezing up? Is he internally going “God, I just want to tell her the truth”? Fill in the blanks a bit more with concrete deets.

She was silent for a moment. "You didn't do it, you know. You didn't kill the pokemon yourself."

"I might as well have," I replied. "It was my fault. He wouldn't have been there if I hadn't led him into it."

Yeah, I’m chalking that one up to his sister dying, since it feels like Marcus pulls the “it’s my fault” / self-blaming card a lot in this story, including in fashions that are obviously not healthy.

She sighed. "Look, Marcus. You might be a touch naïve but you actually aren't an asshole. Don't treat yourself like one. You tried to help some wild pokemon. It's not your fault that something bad happened."

I smiled. Maybe I couldn't tell Gemma what happened. But it was nice to talk to her all the same. She cared. Sometimes that's all you needed.

Oh yeah, that sounds totally healthy and like it won’t wind up blowing up in your face later. /s

I was waiting at the doors of the gym when the receptionist arrived. She gave me a weak smile and unlocked the doors. She took my name down and disappeared into the back to flip on the lights.

The rows of lights flipped on one by one. The room was bare, save for the reception desk. It was large enough for my whole team and another dozen more pokemon. It was large enough to stage a battle in. I briefly thought that perhaps the battle would take place in here, but I cast the idea away as absurd.

Ah, so no Gym puzzle to filter the normies out. Though I suppose it makes sense given that the last two Gyms didn’t have them and the battles are already brutal enough to be their own filter for normies.

A heavy set of footsteps followed the receptionist and I looked up. The Lightning Hero himself, Lieutenant Colonel Emmett 'Surge' Roth, Gym Leader of Vermillion City was looking down at me.

Oh, so no ‘Lightning American’, huh?

He was massive in a way that I had never seen before. He towered over me, his legs at least as thick around as my chest. I felt completely and utterly dwarfed by the monster of a man in front of me.

"So you're my morning challenge?" he boomed jovially. "Not often that I see a gym challenge set for twenty minutes after open."

He smacked me on the back, practically dragging me with him.

Well, he’s certainly quite chipper there. Wonder if he got into antics like stenciling tank turrets during his service.

I shot the receptionist a terrified look as Surge wheeled me away. She smirked and shook her head as we passed through the doors deeper into the gym.

Well, not like you’ve got any real choice right now if you don’t want Curie to die. Though just saying, you might want to try and brainstorm ways of tipping Surge off about your Happiny problems, since he seems like he’d know some guys who’d know some guys who’d be really good at killing Rockets.

Surge led me by the shoulder through his gym. We passed training rooms by the dozen, passed by a rowdy sounding hallway, deeper into the gym. Surge practically shoved me through the small door at the end of the hallway and squeezed through behind me.

He shut the heavy door and he deposited himself into a reclining chair behind the desk. He pulled a thick rolled cigar out of his shirt pocket and offered me one.

"Genuine petilil. Straight out of Unova," he said. " rolled it myself," He said, looking me up and down. "You look like you need it, kid."

For a second I thought that was supposed to be weed and not tobacco given that I admittedly did not reflexively expect Petilil to have nicotine in those leaves. I do think that your line for Surge works better collapsed into one section interleaved with his dialogue and not two.

I reluctantly took the roll and held it awkwardly in my hand as I sat in the chair opposite him. He lit his own cigar, then leaned forward and passed the lighter to me. I awkwardly lit the cigar he'd given me and inhaled.

The only experience with smoking I'd had was sneaking one of Sarah's father's cigarettes with her. The cigar burned worse than that ever had, but after the night I'd had I was eager for anything to relax. I sucked the smoke down despite the burning in my chest.

Cue the mockery from Surge about how obviously inexperienced Marcus is at smoking in 3… 2…

Surge didn't say a word, just watching me. I lowered the cigar and tried to offer my best confident smile.

"I was hoping we could have our battle, sir. I'm on a tight schedule, sir."

Lt. Surge: “‘Sir’? I may be a military man, son, but kiss my boots any harder at this rate and I’ll see my reflection in them.”

Surge eyed me through a growing cloud of smoke. [ ]

"Cut the shit. I'm not your superior officer."

He leaned back and glanced over at the trio of magnemite that I only just realized were hovering in the corner of the room. [ ]

"Are we good?" He asked.

The magnemite let out an angry buzz and I felt my pokegear vibrate slightly in my pocket.

I kinda wonder if it’d have made sense to get a bit more into Marcus’ head and tip your hand a bit more as to Surge’s reaction here. Especially if he’s getting very startled by the Magnemite’s presence.

Marcus: “Oh, that’s just… lovely…”
916590486356131850.webp


Surge looked at me and narrowed his eyes. He slowly opened a safe on the wall and pointed to the bulge in my jacket pocket. He gently took my pokegear from me and placed it in the safe. He gently closed the door and pressed the lock button.

"What was that about?" I asked cautiously.

His scowl could have curdled milk. [ ]

"I don't trust anyone, much less a Silph trainer. Corruption runs deep in Kanto and Silph is at the centre of everything." He gestured at the safe. "You never know who could be listening with one of those things."

Oh, Surge has gotten burned by Rockets in the past, huh? Since that definitely feels like a very ‘got screwed by Rockets in the past’ sort of paranoia to have.

I raised an eyebrow. "So my league sponsor is up to no good?"

He shrugged. [ ]

"I didn't say that. But I do know that an expert-level trainer who had been expecting an in-depth training session this morning was suddenly bumped and replaced with you, a novice with only three reported pokemon."

He crossed his arms across his chest and looked me up and down. [ ]

"Would you be able to explain that to me? Because I'm of half a mind to deny your challenge and go on my merry way."

Well damn, I see that the Rockets weren’t even trying to be subtle about muscling Marcus to the front of the line. You know that you’re brazen when the Gym Leader is seeing obvious red flags about your challenge.

"Please don't," I said quickly, discretion falling by the wayside as the woman cracked Curie's ball in my mind. "They'll kill her if I can't earn your badge."

The expression of frustration on Surge's face morphed into a sympathetic smile. [ ]

"There are no ears in here except mine." He leaned forward and puffed heavily on his cigar. I mirrored him, hauling on my own. "Tell me everything."

Well, looks like Marcus is going to be getting some help killing Rockets right about now.

I did. I spilled everything to the war hero in front of me. I told him what happened after the Cerulean gym match, told him about how I'd helped defend Vermillion during the tentacruel attack, told him about the woman who had shown up in my hotel room and taken Curie. I told him about my trip up the eastern coast of Kanto, about the cubone colony.

I told him about Blue, about how his raticate had died. I told him about the same stylized red R that I kept seeing and how it connected to a defunct Johtan aerospace company. I told him how the woman had appeared last night with the tyranitar's trainer and threatened me with the death of my pokemon if I didn't earn the thunder badge by the end of the day.

He leaned back in his chair, chewing on the end of his cigar. [ ]

"Did you get any names?" He asked carefully. "Any aliases we could use?"

Probably makes sense to tip your hand a little bit as to how Surge is reacting to all of this. For instance, is he being stone-faced and probing Marcus to see if he’s full of crap? Does he obviously believe Marcus is telling the truth from his expression? Give some more details here, since it would likely stick out in Marcus’ memory and his retelling of events.

I thought back carefully, mind racing through the night. [ ]

"She called the man Vicious. He had a metal helmet that covered the top half of his head." I wracked my mind again but came up with nothing. "I didn't catch the woman's name at all."

I would add quotes around ‘Vicious’ to make it obvious that that’s his name in terms of formatting.

Surge sighed and shook his head. He sat up and looked me in the eyes.

"Look, kid," he started. "What I'm about to tell you is secret. Nobody can know. Not your mom, not your best friend, not any of your trainer buddies. Nobody."

I nodded slowly, wondering what fresh mess I was getting myself into.

"When I said corruption runs deep in Kanto, I meant it. Silph is compromised to a degree that I'm scared to openly investigate."

He got up and slid open the desk drawer. He pulled out a folder and opened it. For a short moment, he looked at the photo mournfully.

"Something is rotten at the core of the league. Lance won't give me any straight answers about anything, we've had an empty Elite Four slot for months, Agatha has gone silent, Lorelei is her usual ice-bitch self… And Bruno is stuck in Saffron, dealing with whatever the hell is going on there. Pokemon traffickers run rampant, swarms of strangely evolved pokemon are attacking cities that haven't faced an attack in decades, and I have Rangers across Kanto noting unusual wild pokemon movements."

Oh, so the Nido swarm encounter wasn’t just a random occurrence in this world. Lovely. :copyka:

Though I think that Surge’s dialogue is long and dense enough that it should probably be split up into a few parts here. Also, what exactly is on the photo, since you never say there. Like if the idea is that Marcus doesn’t have a clear view of things, at least give a general description such as if the photo is black-and-white, if it’s some sort of face that Marcus can’t make out, etc.

He flipped a page and his expression hardened. "Someone is playing an exceedingly dangerous game here. Someone very powerful."

He looked up at me and I saw the gravity of the situation in his eyes, saw the weight of responsibility laying on his back. [ ]

"And that red R? It's at the centre of it all. It's on the periphery of every major event, just taunting me with its presence." He dropped the folder in front of me. "Notice anything?"

There’s something missing IMO between Surge looking back at Marcus and him speaking up again. It might be worth toying around with some internal reaction by Marcus to Surge’s response here.

I looked down. It was three men, all of them laughing and posing for the picture. They were clad in fine suits and all held glasses of bubbly liquid in their hands.

"A younger you," I said. "Is that the champion?" He nodded and I looked over at the last man and immediately focused in on the stylized R on his collar. "Who is that?"

"That is Leader Giovanni Sakaki, of Viridian City. This is before he took that post, of course. Back when he was just part of the Indigo Aces. It's also the first instance I could find of that R appearing." He shook his head. "Just an aerospace firm… I don't think so."

He rose to his feet and massaged his temples. [ ]

"I don't have much, but something big is coming. I'm a soldier at heart. I can feel it in my bones. War's coming. And whatever that R is, it's at the centre of it all. It appears in too many places, is connected to too many unusual disturbances and events to be a coincidence. Someone is up to something, and I'd bet on Leader Sakaki having answers."

I can’t tell if it’s a feature or a bug given that Surge himself is a mold-breaker from the “English and Japanese name combo” naming scheme this story seems to like, but if Gio’s surname in this story is meant to be his Japanese localization name, it should be ‘Sakaki’ with a second ‘k’.

I looked at the rest of the pictures. "More people with the R?" I asked. I pointed at the masked trainer. "That's Vicious," I said. "And that's the woman…"

"Domino," he said. "She doesn't appear to have any pokemon that we know of, however it doesn't appear as though she needs any."

Oh, so Ms. Tulip really is Domino. Duly noted, then.

I looked up at him, unsure of what to make of this. "What do you need me to do?"

He sighed and shook his head. [ ]

"I never wanted the bullshit of command," he started. "I was always at home in the middle of the fight, not giving the orders from the back or sneaking around in the dark. All this conspiracy bullshit? It's not my kind of fight." He turned around and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Here's what we do. We have our battle."

I raised an eyebrow. "And then what?"

Lt. Surge: “I get you your win you need, and you help me get to the bottom of this ‘R’ Gang bullshit? Sounds fair, right?”

He met my eyes and I saw the tiredness in his eyes. [ ]

"You'll play along, at least until I can figure out a way to get your happiny back safely." He turned and entered the combination for the safe. He pulled out my pokegear and held it out to me. "I only have one question, trainer Wright. Are you ready for our battle?"

I mean, isn’t the solution basically to just bait Domino into taking Marcus back on a transport, get Curie into his arms and then have Surge basically pull the same stunt that K does at the climax to Blade Runner 2049?

I nodded and looked him in the eyes. I wasn't ready. I was exhausted from a night of no sleep. My brain was throbbing and my throat still ached from Vicious choking me, to say nothing of the acrid cigar smoke. My pokemon were not rested and we hadn't done any specific training for the battle. We were strong, probably strong enough to win, but I didn't like leaving things to chance.

"I am ready, sir."

This… feels like the exact opposite of not leaving things to chance, just saying, Marcus. You think that you’d have at least asked for as much time as possible to rest so that way you could get your battle done right before the deadline, especially if Surge isn’t just going to flatly throw the match to you. :copyka:

He rose from his seat and opened the door. [ ]

"Follow me," he ordered. "Your battle will begin shortly."

I rose to my feet and followed the living legend through the gym. We didn't speak. We didn't have to. I had to win. Everything else was irrelevant.

Wait, so is there a reason why Surge doesn’t just flatly offer to throw the match here? Like given that he knows that Curie’s life hangs in the balance here and wants to work with Marcus to get to the bottom of the Rockets, you’d think that he’d at least articulate that “I can’t obviously throw the match and need you to win this challenge legitimately since Domino will otherwise instantly know something’s up if I’m fighting much worse than usual against you and just go and kill your Happiny”. Since you’d think that with Curie’s life in the balance and him knowing that his team’s not properly rested, that Marcus would be getting some strong stage fright about taking on Surge right now, especially if Surge was prepping to deal with an Expert-level trainer up until this morning.

Pokédex Entry #248 – Tyranitar

This fearsome predator is almost solely found in the Argent Mountain range that divides the Kan-Jo supercontinent. These impressively powerful pokemon are capable of reshaping entire landscapes with their raw strength.

Ah yes, so they do their mountain-deletion thing here in Journey’s setting, too.

Tyranitar are inherently aggressive. They attack at the first perceived slight, often for trivial reasons. It is highly recommended that trainers avoid these pokemon at all costs.

… Do I want to know how Vicious manages to keep his Tyranitar in line in this story? :copyka:

They make their nests in the hollowed out shells of broken mountains. Almost no records of tyranitar reproduction exist, but mother tyranitar appear to have strong bonds with young larvitar. It is unknown whether this bond remains as the young progress to adulthood, as tyranitar are solitary creatures that are seldom seen in a peaceful state.

Oh, so no Ashtar equivalent in this story has been observed yet, I see.

Boy, that got surprisingly tense for a setup chapter. I feel like the biggest highlight was the whole Rocket angle, in which both Domino and Vicious get their proper introductions to the story and rudely remind Marcus about how in over his head he is, which is only further reinforced by Lt. Surge’s brief reveal of just how deep the Rocket rabbithole goes. Definitely builds a strong vibe that in Surge’s words that “war is coming”, and that there’s going to be a lot of earth-shattering stuff going down in the not-too-distant future. I also thought that the Blue subplot was closed out in a pretty touching fashion, and I see you did some character teasing for Red, who I already know from some of your other stories in this setting is going to get up to some exploits at minimum in the background of Marcus’, so that’ll be something fun to keep an eye out for.

For weaknesses, there’s a few spots here and there where I found some typos or verb tense errors and had some paragraphs I didn’t quite like the formatting of. Those are mostly easy tweaks for the ones that are less subjective. Some less trivial-to-resolve issues are that this chapter has the same issue that the past few have with not getting into Marcus’ head as much as it could’ve. I gather that this story is basically a retelling of events from some point after the events of Death of Duty, as such, it probably makes sense to lean in harder as to how Marcus is feeling and reacting to different moments, since they’ll color how he remembers things when he’s recounting his war stories in the future. I also felt that Acolyte and his colony’s end of the story were squared away a bit fast. Like there’s a bit where Marcus mentions feeling relieved that he has some control over Acolyte… which we don’t ever really get a chance to see him struggle with that. Or the bit where he warns that one peon for Professor Oak that the Cubone from the Rocket Helicopter crash are probably hostile to humans, which… might have admittedly been a bit more interesting to actually see that playing out by Marcus doing something like trying to let one of the Cubone out to check up on them, since that way we could also see how Acolyte is navigating his peers obviously being rattled and traumatized over everything. (e.x. Would he wind up holding back and restraining a Cubone that made a lunge at Marcus? Would his own loyalty to Marcus waver? etc)

But altogether, I thought that this was a pretty fun ride @Joshthewriter . Looks like that I picked out a batch of chapters quite well for this review trade given that the next chapter looks like it’s going to be Marcus’ match with Lt. Surge. While I don’t expect him to get to the bottom of his rapidly-multiplying problems all in a gym match, it’ll be fun to see where that goes, and where the dust settles from everything. ^^
 

ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. froslass
  2. zorua-gojira
  3. salandit-shiny
  4. goomy
Hello! Here for my catnip, it's... a bit late but hey, better late than never, right? Anyway, hope you've been having a great day!

Summary of Chp 14:

Epic fight between Giovanni versus Red, Blue and MC. Pride dies and they manage to drive him off and then the whole thing gets solved thanks to the calvary arriving!

Review of Chp 14:

This chapter was great. The battle between Giovanni and gang was incredibly chaotic and fun. Most of the time whenever I read something that has a huge fight scene with tons of characters, they usually have a few characters just basically doing nothing in the background, so props to you for being able to let everyone contribute something despite... you know, barely hurting Dauntless. And also, it was pretty great that despite the chaotic nature of these group battles, I was able to keep track of who and what was going on although I do feel like it would probably be better if some of the named Pokémon had their species listed occasionally since I did get a little confused from time to time and had to take a moment to remember who was who.

Anyway, seeing Surge and the rest of the gym leaders pulling up along with Lance was pretty cool. Really gives Lance that sort of aura of how intimidating and powerful he is since the whole thing just instantly ended as soon as he arrived. It's also nice to see Erika rewarding the trio a free mon.

The ending scene was interesting, I wonder how exactly they'll go about killing Surge since assuming his military experience, it would likely be incredibly hard to actually sneak up on him or directly kill him so maybe they could try poisoning him? Though I guess that would be boring so it's probably more likely they'll just try and fight him head on with overwhelming numbers or something.

Let's move on to my line-by-line comments:

His pikachu jumped off his shoulder, taking a place in front of Red's other pokemon. "We can't take it alone!"
Yeah! Fucking jump him!
The flamethrowers died and I saw the kangaskhan glance up as Acolyte and Vector hurtled towards her. Blue's arcanine bounded forwards, a ring of flame already surrounding her as she closed with our foe
This should be '...she closed in on our foe.'
We'd taken a beating, but Red had proved that the kangaskhan was not invincible. We could take him together.
Misgendered the Kangaskhan

Though I guess this could also be addressing Giovanni but considering the previous sentences were about Kangaskhan, it'd be better if you stick with 'her'
Did you really think a couple of plucky kids could take down my organization?"
Ooh, be careful Giovanni, you're monologuing. That arrogance ain't gonna be good on ya considering it's only been a couple months and they could take down one of your mons.
Not supposed to be possible," he replied. "It drives humans insane and he was sane."
I feel like that's pretty debatable lol
The tall man shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Our course of action remains the same. Surge has directly interfered with our plans. He has to be eliminated. No more games, no more threats. Just action."
Short man, tall man. Are these Giovanni and Vicious or some other guys? And they're aiming to kill Surge. That looks like it'll be interesting to see play out.

Anyway, that should be it for now. It was a fun read and I'm interested to see what's next. Hope you have a nice rest of your day, see ya!
 
Top Bottom