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1-10: Chapter Ten - We Form a Conspiracy

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
PartOneChapter10Art.png

CHAPTER TEN: WE FORM A CONSPIRACY

"I-is he still out there?" a drilbur asked, pacing about the colony's hiding spot behind the large, pointed boulder uncomfortably. The glow of the setting sun, gleaming over the massive rock, illuminated many of the drilbur colony's anxious faces. Cloaked in golden light and purple shadows ahead of them was the huge, looming mineshaft, which lay still and silent.

"He's still pacing around," answered another, who had just returned from their sentry spot atop the large rock. "We heard him grumbling about 'no-g-good-troublemakers'."

Many of the drilbur drooped their heads at the scout's report.

"N-now what d-do we d-do?" one of them asked, the collective stutter beginning to return to their voice full force.

"I supp-pose we c-could stay back h-here for the rest of-f our lives," another drilbur proposed. It seemed like the colony was actively considering it.

Suddenly, there came a rumbling from deep inside the mine shaft, and the very three children they were fretting over tumbled right out on top of each other, all panting heavily and covered in sparkling dust. The Drilbur of the Mines were left agape.

There were several muffled shatters from within the bag Espurr was carrying. She wilted at the sound, realising what those were. The gemstones…

"We… defeated… your… monster…" Tricky spat out between gasps.

"Y-y-you what?" a lone drilbur stammered. A few others, prone to drama, fainted on the spot. Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy all picked themselves up on shaky feet.

"We. Beat your monster," Tricky repeated matter-of-factly. "Y'know… Gabite?"

Several gasps rang throughout the drilbur clan, amongst shocked whispers of 'It's true!'.

"H-how?" another drilbur spoke up. "H-how did three children…?"

"It was crushed by all the treasure," Espurr explained frankly.

"And the gemstones," added Tricky for posterity.

"G… G-gemstones?" The word seemed to catch many of the drilburs' interest. "W-what gemstones?"

"Y'knooow…" Tricky drew out her sentence promptingly. "The gemstones?"

One of the drilbur walked forward, picking up a few grains of the dust that had fallen from Espurr's fur in his claw.

"Emeras…" he quietly whispered to himself. "We s-struck emeras!" He yelled to the rest of the clan. There were cheers everywhere, as the mood in the cave suddenly went from overwhelmingly anxious to undeniably joyful.

"What's an emera?" Espurr asked Tricky and Goomy.

"Beats me…" Tricky yawned, falling flat on her haunches. "I was asleep that day in class."

Goomy's antennae perked up.

"I-I know–" he began.

"H-how can w-we ever thank you?" the drilbur asked, interrupting him accidentally.

"I have an i—" began Tricky excitedly.

"Aha!" snarled Watchog loudly, surprising all of them. He reached around the boulder, stepping into the clearing imposingly. The rest of the drilbur all made way for him, fear written on their faces.

"Finally came back, did you?" the Vice Principal sneered at the three students.

"We can explain—–" began Espurr.

"Explain?" laughed Watchog. "Save it for the jury. You three are in a world of trouble."

Then he noticed the bag on Espurr's shoulder.

"Where did you get that?" he snarled, roughly snatching the strap. Espurr gasped as she was pulled forward, stumbling forward as he yanked her.

"Hey!" yelled Tricky.

"Quiet," growled Watchog.

Espurr swallowed the pain from her still-stiff arm and met his yellow, glaring eyes with her own violet ones.

"It's my souvenir from the mines," she said, choosing her words carefully.

"Troublemakers…" Watchog seethed, leaning in close. "Don't get souvenirs."

"B-but they weren't t-t-troublemaking," one of the drilbur piped up.

"Yeah!" Tricky fired back, much louder. "We weren't troublemaking!"

"Y-yeah," chimed in Goomy.

Watchog couldn't contain himself. He let out a high-pitched chuckle of disbelief, letting go of the strap. Espurr tumbled to the ground, hitting the dust. That hurt.

"You expect me to believe that?" the vice principal wheezed, coming down from his laughing trip. "You probably just bullied the drilbur into saying that!"

"No-mon bullied us," the drilbur spoke, his voice suddenly losing all stutter. "Except you."

"You barged onto our property!" another piped up.

"Forced us to let them work!"

"Yeah! Is that even safe for children?"

"Kicked us out of our own mine-yard!"

"Bossed us around!"

"You're a b-bad vice principal!"

Watchog's face contorted into several, increasingly exaggerated faces as he tried to process the mounting accusations against him.

"You can't give us orders!"

"You aren't fit to give orders!"

"You shouldn't be here!"

"ALRIGHT!" Watchog suddenly yelled, so loudly that Tricky's ears flitted from the volume. He took a few deep breaths, then composed himself into something calmer and more appropriate. "Why don't we just go home… and forget this all happened?"

"And you'll never come back?" The drilbur all collectively gave Watchog the stink-eye. Watchog blinked and opened his mouth a couple times in disbelief, but then thought better of it and nodded his head instead.

"And you'll take our word that these three haven't been up to any troublemaking today?" The drilburs' stink eyes only seemed to get more intense, all directed his way. Tricky had a goofy grin plastered on her muzzle, and Espurr had to admit the positivity was contagious.

"They just helped us uncover a very large stash of emeras today," one drilbur mentioned. "And you know how much money emeras are worth…"

Terrified, Watchog nodded his head ferociously.

"We'll just be going now," he said with a quiet, stricken voice, picking up his stuffed bag and traveller's cloak and shuffling off stiffly. Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy shared a look of triumphant disbelief, barely able to contain their grins, then quickly followed along before they could push the bar any further. A Watchog down on his luck was not a Watchog to test.

"Yeesh, I h-hated that 'mon…" Espurr heard the drilbur begin to loudly gossip behind them as they left. She was sure they knew Watchog could hear them.

"T-tell me about it. T-talk about p-proud ponyta…"


~\({O})/~

Watchog, huffing and puffing and silently stewing, let them loose and stormed off the moment they reached the town square that day. Espurr couldn't complain. The three of them were quite scuffed up, and even though they were all likely to get a lecture at the school tomorrow, somehow Espurr just didn't care right now. She was grateful and happy to have made it out of there alive, and from the similarly relieved faces on Tricky and Goomy's faces, it looked like they felt the same.

"I can't believe that worked!" hissed Tricky under her breath once Watchog was gone.

"I hope he doesn't feel too bad," said Espurr.

"Who cares?" shrieked Tricky in a hush, bouncing up and down. "It's Watchog! This is epic."

"I-I think he's g-gonna punish us at the school tomorrow," stuttered Goomy.

"Sooo…"

The three of them, interrupted, looked to the far side of the square, near the Café Connection. Pancham, leaning against a house near the Café, beckoned to them smugly. Shelmet was next to him, and they both had extremely annoying looks on their faces.

"Did you get them?" he asked.

"You didn't tell us the mines had a monster in there!" Tricky yelled at him as they walked up to Pancham, then hurriedly checked to make sure Watchog was out of earshot first. Sure enough, the long, brown pokemon was moping his way home, far off in the sunset distance by now.

"We… uh, we knew about the monster," Pancham said. "I was just testing you. Did you get the gems?" His voice was grating towards the end, like there was something he knew that they didn't. Espurr could already feel her gut churning with annoyance; she could tell exactly where this was going.

"We tried," Espurr began. "But they exploded into dust the moment we took them out of the dungeon." She showed them the dust in the bag for good measure. She was met with the downright mean laughter of Pancham and Shelmet. It just made her fur bristle more.

"You two are such dimwits!" Pancham gasped out between laughs. "We got you so bad!"

"Everymon knows you can't take emeras out of dungeons without processing them first!" Shelmet added, crying tears of laughter. Espurr's eyes narrowed, pink annoyance flickering at the corner of them, and Tricky was staring at them in hurt disbelief. Espurr saw the darkening look upon Tricky's face, the burgeoning cloud of red that was growing around her head. Even Goomy looked annoyed.

Well, if they wanted to dish it out…

"Anyways," Espurr said, closing the strap on the old, tattered bag. "Thank you."

"What?!" Both Shelmet and Pancham ceased their laughter to look at Espurr in shock. Espurr sent them her best attempt at a smile.

"It was fun," she sweetly lied to their face. "I'm glad you sent us."

"You had… fun?" Shelmet gasped. "In a mystery dungeon?"

"More fun than picking berries would have been," Espurr replied.

By this point, Tricky had caught on. She blew a raspberry at Shelmet, before quickly nodding along with Espurr.

"Doesn't surprise me," Pancham said, folding his arms. He rolled with the punches quickly. "I always knew you were a freak. Just like your partners. Now the whole village gets to know, too…" He blew his own raspberry at Tricky.

Tricky gasped. "You wouldn't!" she shot back at him, some steam puffing out of her ears. "You can't prove it!"

"Yeah," Pancham brushed Tricky off nonchalantly. "But who's the village gonna listen to? Me… or the local troublemakers? Untouchable, remember?" he sent Tricky a wink that made her look like she wanted to blast him onto the next continent. She growled at him, some more steam blowing from her ear fluff.

"And now, I must be off, ladies." he bid them goodbye in the most obnoxious tone possible, blowing them a kiss and then sauntering off. Shelmet blew a raspberry at Tricky before scampering after Pancham.

Tricky growled with anger, watching them stroll back to their house on the other side of the square.

"I hate them…" she snarled, her ears flat with rage.

"Maybe they'll leave us alone now," Espurr said.

"Pancham and Shelmet never leave us alone," Tricky muttered. "They're just dumb, rotten bullies."

Goomy, who had stood awkwardly off to the side this whole time, slimed over a bit. Espurr and Tricky remembered he was there.

"I… I-I'm g-gonna go home now," he said, dejectedly.

"Bye," said Espurr and Tricky, waving him off. Goomy was gone quickly. Very quickly.

"So, you really had fun?" asked Tricky hopefully. And immediately, Espurr was put out again. Had Tricky seriously not picked up on a single thing in that dungeon?

"Tricky…" she trailed off, annoyed. She didn't know whether to be angry at Tricky, or at herself. "No. I didn't enjoy it. I just wasn't giving them the last laugh."

"So… you didn't have any fun?" Tricky asked, dejected, focusing intently on the ground she was pawing. Espurr dug down for an answer, one that would get Tricky off her back forever, and then realised she didn't have one. Except that they'd nearly died several times today and narrowly avoided another week of detention, and that was that.

"We almost died," she told Tricky firmly. "And Vice Principal Watchog nearly kicked us into next week. We barely got out of it. So no more dungeons."

But then there was the hard part. When Espurr thought back to it, defeating the gabite, the huge treasure pile, running through the caverns… some of it had been fun. That was the part she hated. Because at the end of the day, it was more fun than picking berries, and… ugh, she didn't know how to feel about that!

"Okay…" said Tricky. "No more dungeons. Got it."

They stood in silence for a bit. The silence lasted long. The silence was awkward. Espurr could feel the corners of blue negativity beginning to creep into her head from Tricky's direction again, swirling with honey-coloured hope.

"Um, well… I should probably get going," Tricky finally said, ending the quiet. "My Pops is gonna give me the lecture of the century if I don't get home before dark. Also if he finds out what happened today, so don't tell him."

Espurr couldn't imagine a world where she'd willingly tell anymon in charge about what had happened today.

"Well, bye then," she said.

Tricky waved goodbye with her swishy tail, and then ran off in the direction of her house. Espurr gave her a halfhearted wave back, then started towards the pine tree path with the old, tattered bag.

The question hung in her mind and bothered her as she walked past the trees: Had she had fun? They'd nearly gotten killed. More than once. And they'd broken into a place they shouldn't have gone, and Vice Principal Watchog was going to have it out for them now for sure. But there was a rush that came from doing all that dangerous stuff, that made her feel more firm, more rebellious than before. Despite the bullying, and the danger, and the way Tricky kept pushing her into everything, some of it had been fun.

The conflicting pit in her stomach grew all the way back to the School Clinic.


~\({O})/~

Somehow, Watchog never punished them. Espurr was fully expecting to receive a huge lecture and more detention in the Principal's Office the next day, but when Watchog came back to school he was still moody and simply didn't talk to her. He glowered around near the blackboard the rest of the day, as the other students gossiped between classes about what could possibly have made him so upset.

The events of that day hung fresh in all their minds over the next couple of mornings. The three of them managed to go at least two days without talking to each other – at all. Espurr was still meant to be on a no-talking basis with Tricky, and now that they weren't having detention together, Goomy sat in the back of the class and wasn't near them at all. But they did find themselves sitting close together at lunches, and without detention to fill their evenings anymore, that left a large block of time Espurr and Goomy mostly filled with spying on Ampharos as he went about his day.

But it felt like somemon was missing.

On the third day, Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy decided they had to talk about it. So after school, Tricky promised to take them to a place she swore up and down was 'private enough that no-mon would ever find it'.

That place turned out to be a small, crumbling fort in the woods near the beach, made from solid stone bricks. They'd needed to pass the Crooked House to get here. The small, one-room tower was entwined with an ancient, massive oak, with branches that spread far out above all the other canopies. The second floor of the fort had caved in after years and years of battering by the elements.

"I found it a year ago," said Tricky, deftly hopping around a few pieces of junk and into the crooked stone doorway. Espurr and Goomy peered in, looking down at the cluttered, dirty stone floor unsurely.

"What?" asked Tricky, looking back. She looked where they were staring, which was at the debris-littered floor, ridden with broken wood, soil, acorns, and dead leaves. "It's fine! Just step around the junk."

That was easier said than done. Espurr helped Goomy around the debris, doing her best to tiptoe around the mess herself.

A rickety ramp led up to the second floor of the fort, which was similar to an empty balcony. Much of the junk on the first floor had come from remnants of the second, which had fallen through a large hole in the roof. What remained of the second floor left a lot of room upstairs for sitting and watching the sun set over the easterly mountains.

"It was a bust," said Tricky, head atop her paws, as they watched the sunset from the fort's canopy. It was the first time any of them had spoken in entire minutes.

"I-I agree."

Goomy deflated onto the stone besides Tricky and Espurr, having found a good spot to relax.

"I-it was a w-waste. And w-w-e d-didn't even find anything about A-ampharos."

Espurr, who still had that old, dusty bag next to her, folded her arms.

"We did find one thing," she said.

"W-what?" Goomy looked at her curiously.

"Do you remember the scuff marks in the dungeon?" Espurr asked. She looked at Tricky.

"You said dungeons reset their environments every couple days?" she asked.

Tricky nodded. "Yeah… why?"

"If that's true, then those scuff marks had to be made around when we went in," Espurr continued. "But it wasn't us. It was from before. From sometime last night."

Tricky suddenly looked interested. Her ears and tail perked up.

"Wait," she said, huddling closer to them. "You think somemon went in there and disturbed Gabite?"

Espurr nodded. "The same somemon who would have told Pancham exactly where to send three 'mon on a dare…" she waited for effect as she saw Goomy and Tricky's faces light up in realisation.

"And the same 'mon who would have been sighted there earlier that day," said Tricky.

"A-ampharos," said Goomy.

"Precisely," said Espurr. "He must have been there at the dungeon earlier that day. Remember that green fabric on the rock? And he used it to try and get us killed. If that's not proof he's linked to the earlier murder and the Coneheads, I'm not sure what is."

"Earlier murder?" Tricky exclaimed, practically standing up. Some birds flew out of the oak's branches above them.

"Wait wait wait," she said. "How out of the loop am I."

Espurr blanched, followed by Goomy beside her.

"We didn't tell you," she observed sheepishly. "Right."

"Tell me what?" Tricky's tail wagged like a blur. Her eyes were wide.

Espurr and Goomy just looked at each other.

"C'mon…" Tricky whined. "Nothing as cool as a murder ever happens around here! I need this!"

Espurr hesitated. The cat was already out of the bag… how much did she really have to lose by telling one more person?

Tricky turned out to be an intent listener when she wanted to be. Espurr was surprised that the fennekin didn't interrupt once when she was telling the story, like she expected would happen. By the end, Tricky just nodded, adjusting herself in the grass with a serious expression on her face.

"So it's a murder case," she said levelly. "Right."

Espurr nodded. "That's right. But now that you know, you're sworn to secrecy. No telling anymon else, okay?"

"Okay!" Tricky nodded vigorously. Then she tilted her head in confusion. "Wait, why aren't we telling anymon else?"

"B-because we d-don't want the w-wrong person finding out," Goomy said helpfully.

"Secret investigation." Tricky nodded sagely, then stood stiffly to attention. "Got it." She flopped down onto the stone anyway. "Still a waste though. We didn't get a single piece of gold!"

Espurr pulled the dusty old bag closer to her. Watchog had angrily searched it on the way back before letting her keep it, but upon finding nothing but old antiques and emera dust in the bag's main pouch, assumed that it must have been a piece of rubbish no-mon else wanted and let her keep it.

"I wouldn't say we didn't get a single piece…" Espurr trailed off. Then she undid the bag's clasp and opened a hidden pocket, showing Tricky and Goomy what was inside. The glitter of the bag's contents, reflecting the sunset's orange light, gleamed brightly and cast it into their faces.

"You WHAT?" Tricky screeched, loudly enough that whatever poor birds had come back or were still roosting in the big oak were scared away again, squawking as they went.

"Watchog isn't very observant," stated Espurr plainly.

"T-that's…" started Goomy in awe.

"That's awesome," said a gobsmacked Tricky.

"I'd reckon we can afford a lot now," said Espurr as she closed the bag, sounding quite pleased with herself. And as far as she was concerned, why shouldn't she be?

Goomy, too, looked very content. And though she seemed to restrain herself from jumping up in the air and doing a victory fit, Espurr had never seen a goofier look on Tricky's face. She could barely contain one from spreading on hers too. Even if it was reckless… she couldn't deny it had absolutely turned out for the better.


~\({O})/~

Music of the Week!

Roslin and Adama Reunited - Bear McCreary
 
Last edited:

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. mew-adam
  2. celebi-shiny
  3. roserade-adam
Hey there! I just decided to pick this fic up for review tag and here's my first impressions on the prologue and first chapter of the story.


I knew ahead of time that this story was not aiming to be an adaptation of Super Mystery Dungeon, opting more of loosely borrowing the setting of the game. That's made clear early on in the prologue with the new character and locations that aren't from the games. I think vaguely recall you saying this reboot would be more of a mystery, and there's already mysteries being set up such as with the fact that Mew is dead. That naturally begs the question of what did the pink cat in.


Moving on to chapter 1 I can see that it retains several attributes to the previous version of the fic's. However what immediately stood out is how much more polished this version is. Furthermore, a big difference I noticed is that Espurr isn't an amnesiac protagonist this time around, which really changes a lot of things in a non-trivial way. Aside from that, I have to say that I really enjoyed the prose in this chapter and it's a testament of how far you've come as a writer. This is certainly a fic worth keeping an eye on.
 

Gyeig

Junior Trainer
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. samurott
First time posting a review on this site. No idea if there's any specific etiquette or formatting rules, but here goes.

Review of Chapters 1 through 6

Heya Espy. Do you remember that review exchange we did way back? Quite a lot’s changed since then - I remember getting somewhat far into your fic, but a lot of my memories were really hazy. Apparently you restarted it, so there’s no better time to get back into it than right now.

Anyway, I’m coming at this from the perspective of someone who read the old version a long time ago, and is now jumping back in with the new version. I don’t remember all that much about what I’ve read, just the general gist of it, so there’s going to be some new views in here as well - that’s all I have to say.

First things first, this is a remarkably easy story to get into, which is something I think I felt back in the day as well. Prose is clear and concise, everyone’s thoughts and expressions are pictured out perfectly well, and there’s no point in which I ever got confused in which character was saying what. Still early to say how they’re developed, but the setup is good. Same goes for the story - it’s not throwing you for a loop with crazy concepts or anything, just a prologue to hint at future events, and then it’s onto the protagonist.

That said, I don’t recall there being a prologue in the old version at all, let alone any mention of a prime minister in there. IMO, it’s a good new addition. Gives the reader some idea of what extra stakes and original content they can expect in this adaptation of Super. The same can be said for the short sequence with Hydreigon, which I particularly like - that ties all the games together more, and Espurr’s reaction to it is funny, ‘cause wouldn’t we all be thinking the same in the same situation?

One thing about the original content is that I would’ve liked for it to be focused on a little more, but that’s just personal preference.

Aside from that, there’s a few gripes I do have - for one, Espurr seems to adjust to her new body & life pretty quickly, a lot faster than I expected based on what I read in the first few chapters. It comes off a little unnatural, unfortunately, and I feel like a little more time should’ve been spent to let that cook. Another personal problem I have is Espurr’s thoughts largely being expressed in the third person - I think having her express them in thought bubbles would’ve made it more personal and let them make a larger impression, but again, that’s just my own view on the matter.

And that was it. I came back to this having high expectations based on my first time reading some two years ago, and I’m glad to say that I wasn’t disappointed! Keep up the good work!
 

Gyeig

Junior Trainer
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. samurott

Review of Chapters 7 and 8.​


Back again for two more chapters. Going to keep myself restricted to things I noticed in these two chapters, since just repeating the first review would be a waste of everyone’s time.

Speaking as someone whose last playthrough of PSMD was a while ago, one thing about the original content in here that stands out is how it’s integrated. It’s difficult to tell what’s original and what’s a direct retelling of a scene from PSMD, provided that it’s not super blatant such as the newspaper article at Chapter 8’s start. It helps make the entire fic feel like it’s fully original - in the sense that it’s an original story that happens to retread on a lot of the same locations from the game. It’s interesting for sure.

One head scratcher is how Espurr just… kind of goes along with whatever Tricky’s up to, despite clearly being sick of her by this point. It doesn’t feel unnatural, mind you: She’s keeping an eye on her out of moral obligations essentially, and not because of any kind of closer bond (yet. Though what you’re planning to do with the Hero / Partner dynamic remains to be seen). You have to wonder how far Espurr’s patience goes, and if she won’t just snap back at Tricky or let her deal with her own problems at some point - might be a fun lil’ arc, should it happen.

Other than that… I do find the way both of these chapters open to be kind of questionable. In Chapter 7’s case, first you have a brief intro of Tricky wondering why Espurr and the others don’t like her, then it cuts to class - right into a description of ferries, of all things. Not sure that’s necessary information to know at the moment, and that might just be better to work out into actual dialogue between the characters, as that sounds like something a teacher would talk about and explain to a bunch of kids. Just a weird transition in my eyes.

Then in Chapter 8, after the small news clipping, there’s… introductions for the village kids. I feel like by now, and right after these paragraphs are dropped, all the information in those introductions is pretty well established, and you could leave the introductions off the table, really. Maybe if this fic was incredibly dense with important information would a repetition be necessary, but it really hasn’t been. I mean, this fic being easy to get into is something I still praise, so.

Alright, the rest of what can be mentioned is essentially just nitpicks - one thing you can quickly fix is an editing error in Chapter 8 - ‘practisedpracticed’ appears in the chapter, which admittedly was kinda funny. Reminded me of my own editing mishaps.

And that’s about all of it, really. Overall, I feel like you’re on the same stride in these two chapters as the first six. No major issues yet or anything, and plenty to enjoy. Good work all around, and I’m definitely hoping to get caught up soon - and stay caught up when that happens. Thanks for the chapters, and good luck with the rest of the fic!
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
I find it beyond amusing the ship is named cloud nine considering the feline aboard it.

Wonder why its the worst city (besides the windmill snagging if you float too low)?

So the powers that be work and live from a blimp. Interesting. And we got coups galore considering rufus is worried about assasination but also ho-hums it.

Wonder if rufus has foresight or foreshadowing? That chill and berry issues and an uptick of rescue paperwork (and probably rescues) kinda points to upcoming sweeping issues on the horizon.

So rufus is middle age and aging out of his job helped aling by the opposing political part. Joy. Granted the important party poping in might put things into perspective. Hello mew.

Love how rufus first reaction is to scream for help. It tells a lot of how legends are precieved if thats the kneejerk reaction.

Mews "oh they forgot to come in, i mindwiped everyone" in a casual tone would have me looking for an escape route.

Love how the whole government facility jist... Wemt for drinks... Spin's must be hoping right now. Do.you think a Transformed Subsitutes among the masses keeping the party going and covering tabs or mews being a skinflint and making his victims pay for thier own day off?

Rufus trying to ground this in manners and common courtesy is kinda skipping over thee fact mews a legend and thus unbound by social contracts. So this Mew is a dead legend, so this is ghost mew then? And it looks like whoever the lucky human transported here is going to be busy.

I guess its good that rufus is able to drop everything to help but its a shame itll leave his career in shambles. depending on our heros background. That may or may not be understood or apreciated.
 

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Gonna bump out a quick review of the prologue before I hop back in for the rest. Omg, how did I not know you were rewriting DPCDOES??? I'm actually so excited for this, and you????? Honestly this was one of my favorite PMD stories so I'm super happy to see a redo of it with ✨ new and improved 2023 Espy writing skills ✨

Trying to think back to the original, but I don't remember the prologue being like this. However, the level of INTRIGUE this one has has me like hella :eyes: Like.....Mew is dead???? Hooray??? /j But also, why?? What happened???? And this Rufus guy is new too, and judging by how that conversation with Mew's astral projection went, and how that bit of the chapter ended, I'm getting the feelings that he's......likely not gonna offer my girl Espurr any actual help is he?? In fact I'm almost CERTAIN he's going to give her a very bad time, and oh fucking no!! But I also don't think he's the real big bad here, also judging by what Mew said, so.....like I said, fucking INTRIGUE.

I read the author's note and see you're basing this off the most recent PMD game, okay!! This is where I throw in my obligatory "never finished a PMD game" but the OG was very easy for me to read and keep up with so I don't expect anything different here. I did particularly enjoy how you implemented the opening of the game (or what I think is the opening of the game) in Espurr's apparent summoning. Really got me in the mood to keep going. I didn't get far enough in the OG to find out more about Espurr's past, which I guess is a good thing now, because I get to totally follow along in this rewrite and maybe actually?? Learn some more??? EXCITE???

No major crit here, tbh. I liked Mew's characterization despite my general angst over Mew itself, and again, Rufus is giving me "I'm eventually going to ruin your whole career" energy.

Anyway, quick and dirty ramble over here. Expect a review bomb in the coming hours as I eat this up like a good dinner :>
 

Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Location
Residency hell
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. dreepy
  6. mewtwo-ambyssin
As promised. This is, of course, a blitz review so it will be my more scatterbrained bullet points. So, let me know if you have any questions.

Prologue
-Now when you name a character Rufus I must immediately go into :absus: mode as someone who's played FF7 and its Remake. Though given the original author's note my guess is this is more a tip of the hat to Rufus Scrimgour(?) from Harry Potter. Which, if this grovyle's anything like him, spells bad news for this character's longevity. So, in before he's turned to stone by whoever.
-You should split "Rufus' blood went colder" from the dialogue that comes before it. Because as is it kind of gives the impression Rufus is saying that, not Mew. The "everymon in this wing" dialogue line also ended up in the same paragraph as Rufus' dialogue.
-Not sure why we're choosing to capitalize human unless they're so revered they get proper noun status in universe. Also I see this mew follows the usual trend of mew being trolls. :mewlulz:
-Mew "dying" to be reborn as, uh, the partner, presumably. Tricky, if this is a rewrite? Or Tricky's already alive but Mew's reuniting with her. Left, like, a fragment behind or whatever to take care of certain things.
-Still keeping the magic disembodied voice, I see. No actual quiz (I'm thankful enough for that).
-As a prologue, it certainly establishes a very... different and grander hierarchy than the canon material has. I mean, there's a Prime Minister, for pity's sake. And a flying airship. Which, again, brings FF and other traditional RPGs to mind, even if that might not have been your intention. There's definitely magitek since the connection orbs exist, though will you go so far as to make them PokéFacebook like in Super?
-Also as a huge VGM nerd I feel compelled to point it's Arata Iiyoshi, not Liyoshi.

1
-I want the full mathematician breakdown of Espurr's normality percentage. I'm not buying it.
-The waking up part is written well enough. It's more of a me thing in that I've read so many of these (and sorta kinda parodied one) that they kind of blur together. I appreciate the use of other senses, mainly the dry throat.
-So, the beheeyem show up. They do attack, buuuuut at least at the moment it doesn't look like Espurr's actually lost her memories? Or if she did, the narration hasn't truly acknowledged it yet because of the immediate danger. There are flashes of this unfamiliarity in her running from them, at least.
-I guess cats don't always land on their feet. :sadbees:
-I think I vaguely recall this major change from the original: instead of Nuzleaf, we have Audino. At this point it's hard to say if she's just a good nurse or will fill Nuzleaf's role with backstabbing down the road. Her perspective at least makes her sound good and given Espurr seems to be able to sense the darkness in the beheeyem, I feel like she'll be able to tell if people are afflicted with that. Unless some folks can hide it...

2
-At first I thought this was Tricky but, no, this is probably Espurr. Who certainly sounds like the quiet awkward loner who tended to keep to herself at school. And not one of those "aloof but gets good grades" types, either. Or she's just not a math person.
-Okay, so some amnesia but not total amnesia if she could remember that journal entry? Interesting decision. I'm always down for humans keeping memories. (I might be biased.) And she's from, presumably, the real world? And knows nothing about pokémon. That I am... less enthused about. Not from a plot standpoint. It could be interesting. It's just... always a double-edged sword. Because not knowing means that as long as Espurr is the POV character you're stuck trying to describe the pokémon to the audience rather than giving the species name and pointing out any visual differences if they exist. Sometimes it works. Audino's description is okay. But I've seen (and probably written) many that bog up the pacing. I trust you know what you're doing, though I will caution you for some of the more exotic 'mons. If Espurr remembers animals, you can lean on that for, well, the animal 'mons.
-Oh, right, Audino's the school nurse. There is a non-zero chance I forgot most of the Serene Village NPCs because Super's Serene Village stuff is bleeeeeh.
-Gremlin fox alert! It might be not be quiiiite orchestral enough for your Harry Potter high fantasy, but we must give her some Spike Chunsoft-approved gremlin music!
-Mum. British Espurr confirmed.
-So Tricky's not from Serene Village originally, huh. Wonder if we'll actually meet her real parents in this version.
-Espurr should just do the sensible thing and yell STRANGER DANGER.
-Maybe it's just me but "another one of your shenanigans" reads awkwardly. I'd go for something more like "Is this another one of your schemes?"
-Watchog would get along nicely with GL's Drampa. :V
-Tricky absolutely got one-shot by a kecleon after trying to steal from one.
-This is definitely just a me thing, but seeing Tricky's drawn out words with dashes in them makes me thing she's saying the syllable repeatedly instead of drawing out the word. "So-oh-oh-oh-oh" instead of "sooooooooooo." XP
-Tricky remains as much of a gremlin as I remember.

3
-This title is one syllable off just being a Harry Potter destination.
-Espurr I cannot fathom how you didn't realize Tricky was lying to you. Half the stuff she's said to other people since you met her has been lies.
-Oh god no they use everypony style speak. :unquag:
-Uhhhh, so I think there's a slip-up with Espurr seeing Pancham for the first time. Her narration instantly IDs him as a pancham instead of, say, a tiny panda. Which seems inconsistent from earlier. And if it's not, you're missing the part where Espurr's startled that she's able to recognize the species when she couldn't recognize species before.
-Espurr's persuasion check not high enough to convince them they need an adult. :sadbees:
-I know I used to do it myself back in the day but I've soured on labeling dungeon names and areas like the fics are emulating the games. Most of the time I see these location headers used in political thrillers. Which I suppose to some extent the background stuff of this fic qualifies...
-The Dungeon Wraith is totally a euphemism for, like, Dark Matter or something. Change my mind.
-I'm glad that, outside of Tricky's word vomit, there's no tutorializing like most fics do with their first dungeon (my first included). It's done and over with quite quickly.
-Simipour doing his best Phoenix Wright impression with Prosecutor Watchog here.
-I like how Espurr's getting detention as if she's already a student there. She hasn't even been enrolled!
-"Pancham and Shelmet's family has been..." As in, they're siblings in this universe? Or was this a grammar error? Cuz if the former I'm very curious to know how that works since the two species do not share an egg group.
-Can't wait for Espurr to see their books and realize she can't read. :V

4
-Oh the Not!Tories are running a coalition government? I'm unsure if opposition is further to the right or there's a Not!Labour that will be less obstructive bureaucrats toward our heroes.
-A hick town like Serenity gets to host the Not!Triwizard Tournament. Fascinating. Though I suppose this newspaper heading is either shortly or around the time of the prologue.
-So, the seat of the government is the airship? Because that's terrifying if true. One decent flying-type assassin could dismantle the whole system.
-Hi Hydreigon. You seem... less of a nervous wreck than usual.
-Espurr is hope, huh? Puhuhuhu...
-In before humans disappearing was related to Dark Matter's first attack somehow.
-Ah, here's our first hint of the sun gradually getting closer/global warming stand-in because Dark Matter. Poor Goomy :sadwott:
-I guess Espurr CAN read the language here. Huh. That's useful, I suppose.
-I think you take a feeeew too many paragraphs to state that Abernathy's a raichu. I was imagining him as a formless blob until then. Fs out for him, though.

I don't remember quite enough about the original and how much you've trimmed out/rewritten in these introductory parts. It's good overall. There's enough drip feeds about the A plot happening already to get folks invested.
 

Gyeig

Junior Trainer
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. samurott

Review of Chapters 9 and 10.​


Alright, last review for now, since there’s no more chapters after 10.

First things first… I recall you mentioning that the changes to canon PSMD were coming up soon, and there’s definitely quite a few in these two chapters. They’re subtle, but definitely noticeable if you know what you’re looking for. The biggest one is Gabite not being vocal at all, and turning into dust like any Dungeon mon. Depending on the angle you view it in, that’s either an innocuous change or a really dark one. Either he’s completely fake here, or dungeon mons are actually trapped Pokemon that have lost all sense of who they are. Given the tie-in to that murder case, there’s something I’m still missing. Can have some utterly wild consequences too, the more I think about it.

Other than that, the Drilbur getting all upset at Watchog, and some other things really show this fic expressing its own identity. Not that it didn’t have one before, but it’s like a flower blooming. Starts off slow, but it gets more colourful with time. Like I said in a previous review, I like this sort of thing when it happens.

There’s some growth here with Tricky as well - the way Espurr handles the bullies clearly had an impact on her, and she’s clearly looking up to her by the end. It’s small, but nice.

Don’t have much else to say about these chapters. Again, you’re doing a solid job all around, and I’m looking forward to the next chapters being posted - whenever that’ll happen. Cheers!
 
1-11: Chapter Eleven - Tricky Vomits Off the Side of A Boat

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
The Dazzling Dewgong – South Ophria's Best Paper

New Emera Mine, Deceased Outlaw and Treasure, discovered in Central Firland

A new emera deposit has been discovered in the middle of Firland, South Ophria, the owning Kecleon Company recently reported. The estimated production capacity of the dungeon within could power fifty mid-sized towns for years.

"We're excited to add yet another fully producing emera mine to our collection," stated a higherup at the company, "and we'll be investing more resources into dungeons in the area in the immediate future."

The mining operation has unburied old concerns about extensive mining operations in Firland, which has long been regarded by the public as a haven of natural beauty. But those same sentiments have not been represented in the state – only certain areas of the marshlands are considered protected land.

The mine is also claimed to have been the final resting place of the infamous Longclaw Gabite the Outlaw, who robbed countless banks and households in his lifetime and whose treasure was never found. Longclaw's bones will be carried off for a proper burial, while the treasure has been claimed as a bounty reward by the Kecleon Company. Hopes remain that with Longclaw's bones removed from the dungeon, the rumoured apparition will also dissipate.


PartOneChapter11ArtBase.png


CHAPTER ELEVEN: TRICKY VOMITS OFF THE SIDE OF A BOAT

. . .. . . Time seemed to pass with the wind. School was breezy, the days were nice, and before Espurr knew it, months had gone by. Soon it wasn't February or March, but halfway through April.

Not long after the mines escapade, the three of them decided to spend just a bit of their hard-earned treasure on some of the expensive-looking sweets Just one of the gold coins in Espurr's bag was probably worth everything in Kecleon's tent put together, given how he'd acted when they showed it to him. When he saw it, his eyes widened like a surprised wombat, and he looked both ways, then pulled them in towards the shade of his tent:

"Did you get that from the mines?" he hissed urgently.

"Woouuld it be a problem if we did?" asked Tricky innocently, with her best baby doll eyes.

Kecleon's attitude seemed to change on a dime. All of the sudden he was all smiles again, though he did usher them quickly out of the daylight and into his tent.

"Oh no, not a problem at all!" he tittered, letting the emerald curtains dip behind them. "We just want to be careful. Wouldn't want to attract too much attention. There might be… thieves around. Anyway, looking to buy? What can I interest you in?"

"We want sweets," said Espurr. "How much can we get?"

"Hmm…" Kecleon frowned, slipping a pair of ornate spectacles on his face, and inspected the coin in his claws with the precision of a jeweller. He flipped it into the air and caught it tightly in his scaly palm.

"It'll buy you a tray."

"Wait, b-but isn't it w-worth m-more than that?" stammered Goomy.

"Yeah!" said Tricky, her eyes narrowing. "You're trying to swindle us!"

"Consider it repayment for all those stolen apples," Kecleon said threateningly, fixing his steely gaze on Tricky.

Tricky shrank down and laughed nervously.

"Maaaybe I did that," she admitted.

The coin, lightning fast, disappeared into a pocket on the lizard's apron that he zipped up tightly. It jangled with spare change, much like every other pocket on the garment.

"Here you go!" he flashed them a shopkeeper's smile as he pulled a large tray of sweets out from behind the glass and handed it to them. It was laced with everything from plum gummies to orange macaroons, and almost too big to carry! Tricky's eyes were practically exploding.

"And worry not about the coin; it'll be our little secret."

Where had the treasure from the mines gone? Not to the drilbur, it turned out. Or the village. Espurr now knew where Pancham's family had made their money – and why Pancham had been to the mines before. The moment it became known that there was gold in the old dungeon that had been boarded up, along with emerastones, it made the local news immediately. Just a day later, a carriage from the Kecleon Company had rolled in to collect. Pancham's father owned the mine site, and Pancham didn't hesitate a moment when telling everymon exactly what was going to happen to all that treasure from there on out.

"I think I'm going to use some for my drum kit," he bragged at lunchtime in the school clinic. "And then I'll buy a new chair."

"Who says you'll be getting any of it?" asked a pawmi irritably, on behalf of the entire classroom

"Well, I always do," said Pancham smugly. "It's just how things are."

But the look on his face right now, as he watched them eat, couldn't be any more delicious. He looked absolutely stunned. Espurr relished it. Revenge really did taste wonderfully sweet.

News spread about their adventure in the mines too. For the first few days, word didn't seem to get around, which was surprising – Espurr would have figured Pancham would want to brag all about him pulling the wool over their eyes at the first opportunity he'd gotten. But clearly somemon had bragged, and Espurr wasn't sure if it was Pancham or Tricky – somehow, they'd become famous. The first wind she'd caught of it had been when one of the other students approached her:

"What was it like down there?" the buneary asked.

"Huh?" asked Espurr, who had a pair of quite heavy books in her paws she was moving for Farfetch'd.

"In the mines," said the buneary. "What was it like?"

With some straining to reach the top of the desk – Espurr could barely see over the top of it – she managed to get the books on top of the desk, and then neatly turned around to face the buneary.

"How do you know about that?" Espurr asked.

"Oh, it's the talk of the town," said the buneary. "You're practically famous."

The more and more Espurr was asked, the more normal it became. But the most unexpected interaction came from somemon she never thought she'd talk to.

"Espurr, right?"

The voice came from behind Espurr, during a quick break between Farfetch'd's class and Audino's. Tricky had gone off to get a drink, and Goomy was up the hill in the school clinic. That left Espurr alone at her desk, flopped over from a lack of sleep. Her head thrummed with a slight headache, her ears ached, and everything seemed a little bit fuzzy and tinged with pink. Oh, she couldn't wait for school to be over, so she could take a nap…

She looked up, glancing back at where the voice had come from. Deerling, who sat behind her and Tricky, peered at her from over her desk.

Espurr, realising who she was talking to, looked back and straightened up.

"That's right," she said, shifting in her seat to look behind her.

"I'm Deerling," said Deerling, introducing herself. "We met before, right? A few weeks ago, in the woods?"

Espurr nodded.

"Cool. It's nice to meet you properly this time," Deerling continued.

"You too," said Espurr.

"Is it true?"

Espurr figured out what Deerling was referring to pretty quickly - it could only have been one thing.

"About the mines?" she asked.

"Is it?" asked Deerling. Espurr studied the grooves in the desk.

"It happened," she said.

"Hmm," said Deerling. She went silent for a second too. "I really hoped they were just rumours."

"Did Pancham tell you?" asked Espurr.

"He told everymon," said Deerling. "All proud-like. He said he'd tricked the newcomer and the village troublemaker into going into the mines, and it was his revenge for the Foreboding Forest.

"Listen… I don't want to sound rude or anything," Deerling continued, "but I know you've been hanging out with Tricky, and I wanted to warn you that…"

She stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath. Espurr could see many colours behind her words, blending into a soup of indistinguishable brown.

"We don't talk about it," Deerling continued. "I— I shouldn't talk about it, but… well, everymon here knows what happens when Tricky takes pokemon into dungeons. It doesn't turn out well, and we've all been there. I don't want to watch somemon her hurt somemon else."

Espurr took a moment to consider, weighing every word.

"Somemon… else got hurt?" she asked, still trying to piece everything together. The way Tricky had acted back in the mines…

"Tricky has hurt pokemon, yes," Deerling replied. Her voice was serious, her brown eyes wide open and staring straight into Espurr's. For that moment, the brown mix of colours seemed to grow in power. "Just… please take my warning to heart. Don't go into dungeons. Okay?"

The interaction was well and truly strange. All Espurr could do was give a sharp nod and promise that she would. The whole time she was trying to process the incident and all the information she'd just been given. It didn't seem like Deerling was lying – she was way too sincere for that, and unless she was the world's best actress, it seemed like it was very hard to fake. And what did she stand to gain from telling a lie like that? All Espurr had to do was ask a teacher to disprove it. So Espurr figured there must have been some grain of truth in there somewhere, something that Tricky was responsible for to create that action. And just like that, the distrust that had fallen dormant within her began to flicker again.

She made her first attempt to ask Tricky about it during lunchtime.

"Hey, Tricky?" she said, almost about to take a bite of her apple. Tricky, who had been stuffing her face with another peach, lifted her head out of it and looked at Espurr.

"Yeah?" she said, her face absolutely slathered with peach juice. Espurr shuddered a bit at the untidiness.

"I was wondering," said Espurr, playing around with her apple . "Deerling said something to me, and…"

"And what?" Tricky interrupted, seeming mostly clueless. Espurr figured it was best to just cut through the awkwardness and be out with it—

"Deerling said there was an incident, with you, and a dungeon,"

Tricky seemed to freeze up. Espurr froze too, realising she'd crossed some kind of line. It was like the entire room had gone cold. Slowly, she felt the colour blue beginning to tug heavily at the corners of her vision, suddenly so strong that she physically had to move back a little in order to escape it. It was coming from Tricky.

Tricky suddenly let out a heave, then Espurr noticed she was breathing heavily. She meant to ask if Tricky was alright, but Tricky made a sudden, very clear and very hard attempt to swallow it, and then she was back to normal.

"It's not important," she choked out, then moved her peach somewhere else. A shaken Espurr didn't try to follow her. She just took a sorry nibble of her sandwich, almost curling in on herself. Had she caused that?


~\({O})/~

Nuzleaf was still practising with Espurr every other day now, in the mornings before school started.

"Alright," said Nuzleaf, walking around Espurr as she practised the pose Nuzleaf had outlined for her. "keep tha' posture, back straight, tail out…" Espurr adjusted herself as he pointed things out, keeping her paws together and held out right in front of her. Her target: a discarded container laying on the desk before her.

"Alright," said Nuzleaf. "Now ya just have ta direct it. Imagine all tha' power flowing inta your paws, and then slammin' into that can!"

Espurr shut her eyes, and imagined power flowing out from her, funnelling into her paws, then, arching out—

Something arched out. What it was, Espurr didn't see. What she did see, when she opened her eyes, was that it wasn't nearly enough to topple the can - it had only moved a little. Honestly, the wind could have blown it further…

She sighed and slumped back down into the seat behind her. Everymon else in the school had this down by now! And it wasn't like they were more experienced—half the school couldn't have done anything like this a week ago. But there they were, shooting off sparks and making plants bloom and blowing fire and ice, and she was still trying to figure out how to make her power work in the first place. How was she ever going to catch up?

"There there," said Nuzleaf, sitting next to her on the school bench. He patted her back. "You're gettin' better."

"I barely made anything appear," protested Espurr in a defeated voice. "How can I be getting better?"

"Well, could you have done tha' a week ago?" Nuzleaf asked.

Espurr shrugged.

"Maybe?"

"Maybe isn't a yes," said Nuzleaf. He winked, then began to rise from the seat.

"Wait," said Espurr. Something had been gnawing away at the back of her mind, and she figured it was best to just say it. "What if it's just my arm?"

"What do you mean?" Nuzleaf sat back down on the bench, folding his own.

"What if the only reason I'm getting better is because my arm healed?" asked Espurr. "We've been doing it for a week since then, and it's only improved once, so…"

"Ahh, nonsense," said Nuzleaf, waving it off. "That ain't how it works."

He pointed to her arms. "It's not about what's in there—" then he tapped his head. "It's about what's in here. And how you use it."

He adjusted his position and leaned forward a bit, facing her completely. "But hey. I used to be just like you. Third year at the school; everymon else was doing great, but there I was, unable to create a single spark. Worried my parents so much, they thought I was going to grow up and never use a single move! But do you know how I changed that?"

Espurr shook her head. "How?"

Nuzleaf took a deep breath. "I realised where the real power comes from. It's not about muscles, or wands, or brute force, or any of those doodads. It's about what's in your head, and how you use it.

"Now see, I wasn' your brightest or most popular studen' an' all. I was somethin' of a shut-in, actually. Got bullied a lot for it. But then I realised: it was that very spite, that very anger, that allowed me to plough through and break down the barriers that were holdin' me back. And when I focused on that, everythin' became clear. I had a goal. I was gonna show up that bully, and prove to him just how powerful I was. And so, I did."

He edged a bit closer to her on the bench.

"Now, I think you've got a lotta power in that head'a yours. Ya just need to learn to channel it. Think… close your eyes. What makes you tha most angry?"

Espurr shut her eyes, and thought hard. Immediately an image came to her: Pancham's smug face.

"Got one?" said Nuzleaf.

Espurr nodded.

"Great. Now… focus on that. And try again."

Espurr concentrated again, imagining power flowing into her paws, focusing hard, on that image, on Pancham, on the bright burning annoyance she felt with somemon who'd lead others into a dangerous dungeon on purpose, twice…

Her paws heated up, and a strong blast of power suddenly left them. She heard the crunching of tin, and when she opened her eyes the metal container was crumpled in on itself.

The sound of clapping came from behind her.

"Now ya've got it!" said Nuzleaf. "Keep practisin' with that. I think we're gettin' somewhere."


~\({O})/~

"We're going to Crossings! We're going to Crossings!"

After several weeks, the day of the field trip had come. Tricky jumped up and down and hopped all around excitedly like a kit who had just had the run of the candied berry stall. Her pops, a large, blue, turtle-like creature who went by 'Carracosta', had forced her to brush her fur and wear a snow-white bow-tie atop her head. It did absolutely nothing to make her look any less untamed. The fennekin was doing orbits around the class group in excitement.

Deerling, who didn't look super impressed, just yawned.

"In an hour or so," she said, tapering off the yawn. "Maybe don't combust before then."

Goomy, who normally would have hung with them, seemed shackled to Deerling for the time being. He was mostly hanging around her, and though he didn't seem especially happy about it, he didn't make much of an attempt to come back to their side of the class. Espurr wondered about that.

Pancham and Shelmet were off bothering Deerling, which Espurr considered a plus because it meant they weren't bothering her. She instead took a moment to settle down under her desk and pull out a folded piece of paper where no-mon else could see it. She unfolded it in her paws and stared hard at the drawing she'd made on the page, just so she could remember it: Three crooked-looking figures with bulbous lights on the ends of their arms, sleek, cloaklike silhouettes, obscured faces, and long, pointy hats which extended towards the sky entire feet above their heads. She'd been keeping an eye out for them over the last few months, but there had been no sign for a while. Where were they… and what were they doing?

The sudden sound of somemon clearing their throat caught Espurr's attention, and evidently the rest of the class also – everymon had taken their seats. Farfetch'd and Simipour took positions at the head of the classroom, but didn't say anything. Following them were Watchog and Audino.

Espurr was disappointed to learn Watchog seemed to be the one who was going to speak, as he took the centre position right at the helm of the desk and cleared his throat in an infinitely more obnoxious way.

"Alright, listen up, troublemakers!" he barked. "Some of you may know that the ferry service that goes between the different islands now has a route heading through us. This means we're going to be using the boat to take our annual spring field trip to the province capital. But I expect all of you to behave perfectly. Remember, one step out of line, and we can send you straight back home. I hope that's not lost on our rowdier members…"

A glance over towards Espurr and Tricky's desk clued Espurr in on exactly what that meant.

"What Watchog means," Audino started—

"Vice principal."

"What the vice principal means," Audino began again, "is that we expect you all to be on your best behaviour for the duration of the visit. I trust you all know not to act out too much."

"Yes, Nurse Audino," said the rest of the class, with a politeness that had not been reserved for Watchog. The Vice Principal just folded his arms and grunted. Espurr caught a clear whiff of quiet smugness of Audino as he stepped down from the pedestal: See? They respect me.

"I'll still be watching you all," he grumbled to save face as he returned to his sentry spot.

Farfetch'd moved forward, pulling a curly piece of paper from his bag. "As you'll probably guess, class for today is cancelled, so we'll just take attendance…"


~\({O})/~

The docks were in the other direction of town, fifteen minutes' hike from the shore. The path led past tropical trees Espurr hadn't seen before, and ended on a magnificent sandy beach surrounded by rich, green-blue sea. And at the end of it stood the boat.

She hadn't expected it to be so large. It must have reached at least up to two storeys, and it was sleek and modern-looking. Espurr would have thought it would still have used sails.

A boarding plank slid out of the pure white hull, crashing down on the sand in front of them. It kicked up a fair amount into the students' faces. Espurr was able to dust it off quite neatly, and Tricky just spit it out. It seemed like poor Goomy had accidentally eaten some, though.

"Alright!" barked an impatient Watchog, walking past them with a bag on his back he could barely carry. Did he really need all that stuff? "Everymon on board! Get on with it!"

Espurr just shouldered her own bag, and began to march up the plank after Deerling and some of the older kids. Goomy fell in stride (slime… ? Espurr wasn't sure) with them up the plank.

"It's hot out…" Goomy panted, shaking some sand off his left antenna.

The ferry set out soon after they'd boarded. A handful of other townsmon had come too – nearly everymon Espurr recognised out and about in the town square most days. Even Kecleon had come. He seemed to be on holiday, and had taken all sorts of strange gear with him that Espurr assumed was vacation material for a lizard.

Like most of the class, Espurr was out on the top deck, enjoying the wind on her face as the ship bobbed up and down on its voyage. Some of the other students were seasick. She was just glad it didn't seem to affect her.

"Boats…" Tricky moaned pitifully, flopped over the railing like a ragdoll. Espurr looked at her in slight concern. "I'm gonna puke…"

Espurr quickly edged several feet away. She did not want to see what the projectile vomit of a fire-breathing creature looked like.

Of course, there was one passenger she wasn't quite elated to see. He was loitering around on the far side, probably because he knew that if he got too close to all of the villagers somemon would have taken issue. She was surprised they even let Ampharos on the ferry, given the suspicion much of the town fostered towards him. But he was there all the same.

That didn't mean she had to be happy about it. In fact, if she wasn't surrounded by enough friends that there was no way anything could happen without him being implicated, she wouldn't dare to take her eyes off him. All of the sudden, fire-type vomit seemed a little less unappealing than it had a second ago. Espurr slipped away to the other side of the dock.

It wasn't long before the boat was close to making its landing point, and a voice came out over the loudspeakers: "Please be aware the ferry will be docking at its next landing point in five minutes. Gather your belongings and be ready to disembark."

The announcement played on repeat every thirty seconds. Luckily, Espurr had kept her bag with her at all times, so she didn't have much to pack. Tricky just adjusted the snow-white bowtie she was wearing – clearly it made her uncomfortable, as she was scratching the area around it constantly – and Goomy was keeping a tight hold on the tin of crackers Deerling had given him for lunch.

The ferry came to a landing, and Espurr stepped off the wooden plank again to air that was much damper than it had been back in the village. It felt almost like walking into an airborne bath. The distant flatlands around her were covered in greenery like she hadn't seen before, and nestled in between the emerald grass and trees, between several smaller islands and bridges, was a sleek white town.

"Welcome to Crossings," said Farfetch'd, stamping his leek into the grass like it was a cane. All the other students were barely able to restrain themselves from running off into the large, sprawling, city ahead of them. Espurr walked with Goomy and Tricky, but made sure that Ampharos was a good distance away before she took her eyes off of him.

Crossings itself was a charming piece of landscaping – though Espurr had been here before, the largeness of it still carried her away. It seemed so much livelier than Serenity Village, with pokemon scurrying past to and fro in mostly straight lines down the pure white cobbled roads. And the shops! There were shops everywhere, and they seemed to be selling all manner of strange things.

The group toured the city for a small while, exploring some of the stores and old buildings. Tricky stopped Espurr and Goomy outside a shop that read "Dungeoneering Equipment For Exquisite Explorers", practically pulling them inside. The shop itself was musty, and the shopkeeper looked like he'd been alive since Mew was young. Inside were a host of things Espurr couldn't make heads or tailsof tails of, like a dusty old orb that apparently told you where the nearest life signatures were for the entire floor, or a magnifying glass that helped one spot where dungeons popped up in the first place. Tricky was particularly excited over a Neverending Knapsack.

"Look—look!" she was practically bobbing up and down at the thing on display.

"What's a Neverending Knapsack?" Espurr asked, looking at the sleek, white bag on the pedestal. They already had a bag.

"You can put anything you want in it," Tricky explained in excitement, "And it'll never run out of space! It's state of the art. All the registered explorers get them issued now. I never thought I'd get to see one!"

That was kind of cool.

"It'll cost ya," said the ancient grovyle. Espurr practically jumped. She thought that was a statue!

"How much?" asked Tricky.

"Wouldn't suppose you three happen to have any gold pieces layin' about?" said the shopkeeper. "We only have one and it's for display. You'd have to have a literal treasure to afford it."

"Why keep something that's only for display?" asked Espurr. Carefully, she shut Tricky up before Tricky could eagerly divulge that they did in fact have some treasure in their bag.

"So people will come in and buy other stuff," grumbled the grovyle. "And because we'll be getting another shipment of them in a few months. It takes a while for things to get down here from up North, don't you know."

Tricky perked up more when they entered an ice cream parlour. Some of the pocket change Audino had given them bought them all a nice sundae – in flavours Espurr could never have fathomed existed, like "tamato twist" and "lum express". Espurr's was neon green and tasted like a strange mix between watermelon and orange. They ate it on shiny white tables outside because heat and ice cream went together well. Though Espurr didn't exactly like the soupy air and the way it felt against her fur, Goomy seemed to be enjoying it very much. Tricky had already finished her sundae and was staring at the bowl like it ought to refill itself immediately.

"Hey, mind if I take this seat?"

Espurr looked over at the one empty chair left at their table, where somemon stout and pinkish was looking up at them. It was another child from another school on the field trip. They didn't seem much older than the three of them were, and the main distinctive trait about them – aside from their size and the long, pigtail-like adornments coursing down their back, was the large hammer they carried. Espurr recognised them from the bookstore immediately – Tinkaton!

The pink 'mon looked at all the other tables, and then back at them. "Everywhere else's full."

They weren't wrong. The place seemed to be fairly popular. Espurr nodded after getting approval from Tricky and Goomy. In response, they happily plunked their large hammer on the chair, hopped up and balanced themselves on the handle, and then plopped themselves on top of it. Now they were level with the table.

"Sorry for the inconvenience," said the creature, pulling a sundae of their own out of nowhere. "We met, right?"

Espurr nodded. "At the book nook."

"Right," said Tinkaton. Then they saw over the rim of Espurr's drawing. Their eyes widened.

"Hey, let me see that," Tinkaton said, and before Espurr could say a thing they'd reached over and snatched the paper out of her paws.

"You guys seen these?" they said, looking up curiously.

"Maaaaybe?" Tricky trailed off.

"Do you know what they are?" asked Espurr.

Tinkaton looked up. "They're Constructs," they said dramatically.

"C-constructs?" stammered Goomy.

"Yup," said Tinkaton. "Real nasty types too."

They flipped the paper back towards Espurr. Espurr took it back. "'Mon raised from the dead. Looks like beheeyem. You've seen 'em too?"

"You've seen them?" asked all three of them at once.

"Of course," said Tinkaton. "The city's on the watch for three beheeyem. They've been skulking around and acting shady. But from the way you've drawn 'em… now I wonder…"

Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy all looked at each other.

"What do you know about Constructs?" Espurr asked.

"I only know about 'em because my uncle was gettin' into that stuff back when he had his slump," Tinkaton said. "We eventually knocked some sense into him, but he doesn't really talk about it much. All I know is he was doin' it with some other guy. That guy got 'im into it."

"Who was the other guy?" asked Espurr.

"Beats me," said Tinkaton. "We never saw 'im. He disappeared when I was a hatchling. All we know is the 'mon had a green cape."

"Is there any chance we could talk to your uncle?" asked Espurr, folding the paper and stuffing it into her bag.

"Nah," said Tinkaton, shaking their head. "He's been senile for years. Never talked about it anyway. But..."

They leaned in over the table.

"Here's what I do know. If you guys are doing any investigating, you should look for thunderstorms or mysterious blackouts recently. It takes a lot of power to conjure a Construct. Electric 'mon can produce that power, or an ordinary 'mon could steal it from a town. But without power, or a way to channel it, I don't know where you'd get all that power from. Especially for somethin' this mean."


~\({O})/~

"What more proof could we need?" asked Espurr. She, Tricky, and Goomy were sitting around a small, round table in the corner of the inn's café area. Dinner had long ago been finished, and now there were half-eaten sticky buns on everymon's plates. Espurr had the page with the conehead sketch in the middle of the table, where all three of them could see it.

"An electric 'mon just happens to arrive in town at the same time somemon here is murdered, and then these Constructs show up, and the moment Ampharos breaks from the group, they're skulking around Crossings again?" Espurr took a pointed sip of her drink. "It basically solves itself."

"B-but how do we prove it?" Goomy stammered.

"I guess we'd need to catch him doing it…" Tricky said, her ears lowering in perplexment.

Espurr could only fold her arms. That had her stumped.

He was clearly somehow guilty; they all knew that. But in all their time watching him, they somehow hadn't managed to catch a single thing that proved it.

"You guys look bleak."

The atmosphere was so thick the three of them nearly jumped. Pancham, looking smug as ever, sauntered over and took a place uninvited on one of the empty seats at their table.

"We're just… tired," answered Espurr, trying to sound as casual as possible. It wasn't false. She could already feel sleep dragging her eyelids down.

Tricky let out a wide, exaggerated yawn.

"Me too…" she said, pausing to scarf down the little pieces of dessert that remained on her plate. "I think I'm gonna go sleep…"

"M-me too," said Goomy.

The table was cleared faster than it took a skwovet to wolf down a nut buffet, leaving only Pancham sitting at an empty table. Espurr didn't look back to see what his reaction was, but she assumed he was perplexed.


~\({O})/~

"Now just so you're aware," said Audino to Espurr as they walked down the narrow hall of the inn's second floor. Everymon else had already tucked in for the night, but Espurr had been out late digging for any information she could find on Constructs. So far, the town library didn't seem to have anything… though they weren't keen on letting children into the sections with older books.

She looked up at Audino, the sudden words breaking her out of her train of thought.

"Tomorrow night, you're going to go see somem—"

"My guardian?" asked Espurr.

Audino seemed a bit startled, as if she wasn't expecting Espurr to know.

"Y-yes," she said, collecting herself quickly. "Not sure how you knew that."

Espurr didn't fill her in.

"Why not one from the village?" she asked.

Audino certainly seemed less prepared to answer that than she was the last two. Espurr caught what seemed like a slight pang of… sadness? But it passed as quickly as it had come.

"It just didn't work out in the village," she said. "But think on the bright side! You'll live in a big city! Here you'll be able to take the ferry back whenever you want."

They reached the room Espurr and the other kids were staying in, and Audino knelt over to dust some dirt off Espurr's fur. "And I know your new guardian is going to be very sweet."

She gave Espurr a quick hug. Espurr hadn't been hugged in many years and wasn't sure how to react, so she let herself be squeezed like a disturbed fish and stood there trying to process it after Audino had let go. Eventually, she leaned into it. It felt warm and fuzzy.

"Now good night," said Audino, standing up and walking away.

It took until Espurr was about to flop down on one of the straw beds to realise that she'd been wearing the bag all day and hadn't noticed. She deposited it in a heap near the door then flopped down on the straw next to Tricky, who was softly snoring.

Left with her mind simmering, all she could do was stare up at the ceiling.

Dear diary,

I don't want to go.


~\({O})/~

Music of the Week!

Glass Onion Theme Revisited - Nathan Johnson
 
Last edited:

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Okay, I know you said that chapters 1 and 2 were basically the same, but I re-read them anyway. Chapter 1 definitely felt at least moderately different for me, but yeah I did see mostly familiar stuff in 2.

That said, I just want to commend you on the sheer improvement here. I don't know what it is exactly, but your writing just feels so much more tighter in this version. It's snappier, in a way. And oh my gods, your descriptive prose is fantastic, bestie. I know content-wise a lot didn't change, but I do feel like there was a major change in your writing. Like, you very clearly got better over the past four years and you should be really proud. The beginning of the new chapter 1 was SO GOOD. The way you described it all had me like "YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS ESPY."

Actually getting into the story, I definitely see the changes here, namely in our initial intro to Espurr. We actually get some exposition into her past, which was ABSURDLY good. That whole beginning sequence felt like the opening to a Dr. Seuss movie somehow (idk how else to convey that feeling I hope that made sense LMFAO). Judging by this, it seems like Espurr is going into this world with some memories of her old life. I recall in the old version she was a blank slate, so it's kind of cool to see her in a state of remembrance. I liked that she seemed to have a flashback to her old life before waking up in Audino's clinic, and am wondering if that's going to be a thing in all the new chapters? Like Espurr slowly recalling new (or old, I guess) things?

However even with that established sense of "I remember some things," it still felt like some parts of this were written mostly around the idea that Espurr couldn't remember anything. Like, as Audino is asking her where she's from, and she says she can't remember anything but is still aware enough to know she needs to get home for her holiday, it felt like there was a bit of a disconnect between the dialogue and the narrative. Part of me wondered if she was just trying to lie out of it just because she didn't want to explain herself just yet, which would be totally fine. If that was the case, I would have liked to have seen it made just a little more clear. But then even after starting to assume that, there would be little bits of exposition around the idea that she was forgetting things, like her name, or where her home was.

I guess this might just be a case of "remembers all the little things but forgets all the important things," which is cool. In that case, I would just like to see it made a little more clear that Espurr has very obviously forgotten some very important bits of info but seems to remember all these little stories from her time in school (holy fuck she's a middle schooler and her parents are leaving her home alone for a holiday????? Awful parents). Maybe have her like, try to concentrate on those thoughts to try and remember where she lives, or something like that.

Also, this was a smaller nitpick, but I wasn't quite sure what Espurr's stance/understanding of Pokemon was. When she appears in the espurr body, she doesn't realize she's an espurr, she just thinks she's a cat. She doesn't refer to Audino as Audino, she's just "the pink creature." Every time she sees a new Pokemon, she describes it in animalistic features and not its actual species name, which leads me to believe Espurr comes from a world where Pokemon don't exist. However, the exposition around her being in this world makes it seem like this isn't strange for her. Like, as Audino was talking about "Serenity Village" I was waiting for Espurr to be like "what the heck is a Serenity Village? I live in a city!" or some equivalent freakout.

She also seemed really accepting of all these strange creatures she was surrounded by; like, despite her freaking out over the fact that she was a cat now, meeting all these other talking animals wasn't throwing her off too much, which also leads me to believe she's familiar with Pokemon. There's just two ends of a spectrum happening here and I just had a hard time pinpointing where Espurr lies on it. If she is aware of what Pokemon are, she'd likely just call them by their species name just upon seeing them instead of describing them like a person who didn't know Pokemon names would. But, if she DOESN'T know what Pokemon are, I want to see her be wwwwwaaaaayyyyyyyyy more concerned about all these alien looking animals she's surrounded by. What the fuck are you? What the hell is a Fennekin? Why is that deer green?" Like you don't have to go overboard with it, but just give exposition around Espurr having a light panic over these talking magical critters she's surrounded by.

All in all, this is awesome. Such a level-up. Really looking forward to reading more and seeing how much better you got!! Will be back for the rest shortly!
 

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
  5. mimikyu
Alright, 3 and 4!! I'm actually glad I re-read these first three chapters, not only to see your improved writing, but because I had forgotten a lot of the stuff that happened. But as soon as I started reading them again I was like "oh yeah this is familiar." I did a side-by-side comparison between OG 3 and new 3 and see yeah a lot of the dialogue is still the same, but you definitely spruced it up in a few places! I'm also particularly enjoying how streamlined this is now. I remember in the OG that there were like SEVERAL POV changes in each chapter (which I guess is what made them so long?) but here we're focused just on Espurr for the moment, save for the hop to Abernathy at the end of 4 (which felt like an uh oh moment, the coneheads came for him oh no is he dead???). I also like how you split up some of these chapters too, it adds to how swift and easy this feels to read. Really helps with the pacing too, I think.

3 didn't have anything too new but I'm obliged to yet remind you how much I hate Pancham LOL. I had totally forgotten the bit about how Simipour won't punish him as harshly as he did Goomy, Espurr, and Tricky, but GODDDDSSSSS I wanted to flip my fucking LAPTOP. He has the "spoiled rich kid who can't be touched because he'll just run to his powerful dad" trope down pat and I fucking hate him. I remember reading in the old version he eventually strings Tricky up to throw shit at her and I'm wondering if we're gonna see that in this version so I have continued reason to want to beat him over the head with a bat, respectfully of course.

Four is where things really change!! The prophetic dream sequence with the Hydreigon was a welcome change; we finally get someone who could answer (some of) Espurr's questions....albeit not a lot. I was LOVING the use of the "reluctant hero" trope here, as I just enjoyed the way it was executed. Espurr is more concerned about getting back home to go to the library and read a fucking book than the fact she was whisked off to a strange world. I also liked how she was so convinced she's so ordinary that one of her much less ordinary classmates would probably enjoy this Heroes Journey thing more. Idk you have this kind of deadpan vibe around Espurr that I really fuck with and it comes out in this little sequence.

I remember the detention being in the hot sun, but I also recall that Tricky and Espurr and Goomy end up in another dungeon a la Tricky getting Back on Her Bullshit™️ and that just leads to more problems, but here we see Espurr getting a map that was Mysteriously Blown Her Way which.......idk if I should be saying uh oh or not???? I know she probably DOESN'T want to follow it but I'll bet money she ends up following it, if only by Tricky dragging her by her fucking ear lul. I was also a big fan of the interaction between Tricky and Goomy; I know Espurr has been kind of established as this character who doesn't particularly enjoy being friends so having yet another 'mon point blank ask her to be friends must have been a real "omg" moment for her, and I love that.

I'm also a fan of her mental diaries. It seems to be one of her only links to her old world right now, and even though she can't write at the moment, she's still doing them internally to keep with the normalcy. I like how it kind of gets us more inside her head and helps illustrate just how she's grasping at straws to try and stay normal for herself. Though, I was kind of curious as to why she didn't try to find something to write in. Like, she's staying in a schoolhouse, so I wonder if it might be worth putting in a little part where she goes to find something to write in and maybe discovers Pokemon don't write? Or something? I don't know, she just seems like the type who would at least THINK about going to find a book or a journal to use. But that's a hella nitpick.

Anyway, these changes are still looking fantastic so far. I would like to catch up with this sooner rather than later so I can be more on top of updates for this. I will hopefully try to loop back around before blitz end. In the meantime KEEP IT THE FUCK UP BESTIE YOU'RE DOING GREAT 🤍
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
Hi! Here's the review for chapters 3-6, like we agreed.

Darkness cast its cloak upon her from all sides, blotting out the walls and the roof and anything that was laying around in the background. Even the straw bed she'd drifted off on was gone; instead, she was laying on the ground in the middle of a pool of shallow water that didn't feel wet.
Two instances of "laying" that should be "lying".

It took the form of a glowing, three-headed dragon, which Espurr briefly recognized from an old mythology book she'd read.
That's interesting - it feels like she's not just talking about three-headed dragons in general, but Hydreigon in specific. I guess she comes from some alternate version of our world that has Pokémon in myth.

"Me?" asked the dragon -thing, cocking its middle head.
Don't think there should be a space before "-thing".

"It was only the strawberry section that took longer." Tricky happily stated, licking the strawberry juice off her paws before it could stain her fur.
Dialogue should end in a comma rather than a period as it's succeeded by a dialogue tag.

hsets://con.gov.nebyllin/geography/provinces/south-ophria/8675364
Ooh, they have internet?

"This is Swampert," said Audino to Espurr. "He'll be ferrying us to and from the town."

"Hi," said Espurr with an awkward wave of her arm that wasn't broken. Marshtomp didn't respond with anything but a grunt. It made her want to shrivel up. Clearly, she hadn't gotten the hang of talking to others yet.

Swampert took the coins in a large slimy webbed paw, looking them over before nodding. "Alright, then." He dipped underneath the water, resurfacing with his back in plain view. A saddle sat atop it, with a few adjustable harnesses. "Hop on."
Swampert changes to Marshtomp for the duration of one sentence.

I did also find myself wondering if you can really call riding on a creature a ride on a "ferry", especially when this creature is a person you can talk to.

"Can I help you?" he asked tiredly, lethargically clicking buttons on the keyboard with his long claws. The keyboard was hooked into a strange blue orb, which projected an image onto a translucent panel in front of him.
Ah, so this is what they use to access that internet. Makes you wonder how many have internet access if there's need for an informational government page on a province.

"…You'll understand why the province board has begun discussing whether your school should continue to receive state funding," Krookodile finished. He was staring Audino into the ground, but she was doing her best not to succumb to it. She was cracking a bit. "As the intendent assigned to your district, I am mandating extra supervision for the duration of your hosting up to and including the inspection." He somehow found a way to lean in closer. "And I should hope you'll be keeping things running spick and span. Just the way a government-funded school should be."
i cant believe they put bureaucracy in my pmd

Books being her past time,
I think you want "pastime", which means a hobby. "Past time", written like that, just refers to time that has gone past.

There was one wall that two blue monkeys with sponges were cleaning off. It was sectioned off from the public with tape and made of brick, and covered in some kind of drawing that stretched up two stories tall – a black flag with diagonal red stripes converging near the bottom like crossed swords. Above it, etched in dripping white paint, were the words "For Nebyllin!"
i cant believe they put politics in my pmd

Tricky was a bit like an annoying rubber chicken – endlessly annoying, and never where you wanted her to appear.
This is kind of a weird sentence. A thing described as annoying is sure to be annoying, but I haven't heard about rubber chickens having a tendency to be in places you don't want them to be?

The 91 year old 'mon's residence was found wide open, with a strange statue resembling him placed just beyond the doorway.
ma laughing at these stupid pokemon for not having the information that i have

The class was currently copying down notes from the blackboard about ancient Human society—most of which were just horribly wrong and made Espurr want to correct them all. Lawn flamingos were not idols.
that is a certified archeology moment

The truth was, she didn't like Tricky very much.
tricky destroyed

He draped his green cloak and his bag in the currently-empty sentry spot, and hung around near the blackboard, leaning against the fence.
green cloak......

They'd vanish once they left the tips of his slimy paws,
he has paws????

The architecture looked victorian,
"Victorian" ought to be capitalized, I think.

"No. We're not friends. Friends don't hound other friends so they'll go to some dinner party. Friends don't wrap other friends up into insane quests they get week long detentions over. Friends don't spill everything about other friends' backstories to random strangers they don't even know! And friends don't speak for other friends!"
god queen youre so right

"Gone? What do you mean done?"
Was that "done" meant to be "gone"?

"What kind of souvenir?" Watchog. "And what kind of criminal leaves one behind?"
Did you miss giving Watchog a verb here on accident or is it on purpose? I think it works anyway, but just making sure.

---

Since I read the new prologue and chapters 1-3 as well, I should say that I thought showing the scene of Mew talking to the prime minister was a good choice as it makes the beginning of chapter four have more context (if that was in the old version at all, not sure).

I'm also not sure if Espurr being nice to Goomy in chapter four was in the old one, but I really like it as it makes Espurr come off as very likable.

I also liked Espurr putting her foot down and telling Tricky off in chapter six. In the old version, it kind of seemed like Espurr's patience for Tricky was endless (although strained), and it was a little annoying how Tricky kept "getting away" with being reckless and irritating. This callout, though, feels like it's going to lead to welcome character development on Tricky's part.

I probably mentioned it at least once in the old reviews, but you really have a great hand at characterization. I feel like every character has identifiable and colorful traits right away.

I don't really have much to say about the plot since I played PSMD so long ago that I don't remember what's in it and what isn't, but regardless of how closely this follows the story, I'm engaged so far.

I think that's all I have to say! If you have any questions, feel free to ask me on here or on the Discord. Thanks for the review exchange, and see you around!
 
1-12: Chapter Twelve - We Go On a Field Trip

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
PartOneChapter13Art.png

CHAPTER TWELVE: WE GO ON A FIELD TRIP

Espurr awoke within a black void.

At first, she wondered if the windows were covered. It must have still been nighttime, but there weren't shutters or curtains in the room when she went to bed… her heart skipped a beat as she realised it was too dark. This wasn't the hotel at all!

With new energy surging through her, she rolled over and pulled herself to her feet. The floor was water, but somehow her paws and legs stayed dry. The darkness around her seemed almost too dark, like it was boring holes into her eyes. The water glistened with the reflection of unseen light, but hers was absent from its ripples.

Okay. So thoroughly creepy. Espurr gave the environment one last glance to make sure she was alone, and then began to walk forward into the darkness. It brought her to more of the same, silent, unnatural ripples glistening on the water as far out as she could see.

"Hello?" she called out unsurely into the void after a bit. If this was like the last time, then maybe that strange dragon she'd seen in her dream was back. Did he want to see her again? "Hydreigon?"

Her voice skipped distantly across the endless expanse of water, echoing off into the darkness and petering out somewhere many miles away. But no-mon answered.

As the echo faded away into the distance, the unnerving sound of silence crept upon the clearing from above. Espurr shivered. Her breath came out in puffs in front of her. It was like something was sucking the heat out of the air. Her ears popped. The air changed, announcing the arrival of something.

And then, the voices came.

They swirled around her, pushed by a gust of rancid wind. Espurr couldn't tell any one of them apart, the voices overlapping so much that the words blurred into each other. They were male, they were female, they were children, they were adults, and some of them were something else entirely. But eventually one became distinct from the others, whispering a language she couldn't understand but beckoned to her – she didn't know why, she just knew that she needed to hear it better, needed to follow it.

Suddenly, they dispersed. With something that sounded a bit like laughter over the howling of the wind, the gust took off, taking the whispering voice off into the distance faster than she could run after it. Espurr suddenly felt herself lose all her breath, like she'd been running forever. She collapsed to the ground, panting as she kneeled over the water. But as she panted, one rancid gust was replaced by another. It blew against her from behind, not letting up even after ten seconds. If anything, it was only getting more powerful.

Espurr hadn't believed that anything could be darker than the black that was already around her, but somehow it was. She couldn't make out the outlines, but something massive out there behind her was as dark as things could go and then darker, and it was getting closer by the second—

Just as she found her breath again, the last of her courage was blown away. Dream or not, she wasn't sticking around for when the Black Thing arrived. With a terrified squeak, she turned and ran for it. The wind was getting stronger against her fur as the crashing void came closer, and the wind nearly knocked her down from how mercilessly powerful it was.

She tripped again, her own feet tangling around themselves, falling face-first into the ground. The blow to her face hurt. Just like back in the mystery dungeon, the howling wind seemed to laugh. Dreams weren't supposed to laugh! Dreams weren't supposed to hurt! She rolled around as quickly as possible, trying to edge back as the massive void came closer and closer. It hovered over her like a colossal storm, winds howling loudly and battering her harder than anything she'd ever felt. She whimpered, terrified, cowering before it. Surrounded by rotten wind, she could smell that terrible stench of decay again, so strong she felt like passing out.

Themassive black void reached out, a swirling, cyclonic tentacle erupting from its being. As it grew closer to Espurr, she saw that it was made up of millions of frenetic black particles, whirling around like they were caught in a storm. Her heart nearly stopped out of fear. She had to get away, somehow! She needed help! She needed to keep moving!

But suddenly something shook her violently, and then light flooded the darkness—

"Espurr! Get up!"


~\({O})/~

The roof of the inn suddenly met Espurr's eyes. It was daytime – from how light it was, probably close to noon. Tricky and Goomy were over her, looking quite concerned.

"W.. ugh…?" groaned Espurr, barely awake. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, clearing away the bleariness. Her body felt tense and unrested, her fur tousled and her curls messy.

"You were t-tossing and turning around," explained Goomy as Espurr groggily sat up. "W-we thought you were h-having a bad dream."

"More importantly, it's breakfast time!" Tricky yelled frantically over them both, popping up in between them. "Everymon's already downstairs! Audino said we had to wake you."

All of this only half-registered with Espurr, who was still reeling from her bad dream. But time and place came back to her, just in time for Tricky to almost push her off the bed and towards the door. She made sure to grab her bag before they all went down – who knew if she'd be able to get it later?

Just like there'd been a dinner in the hotel, there was a breakfast too. Rows and rows and rows of chopped fruits and swirly cinnamon cone-shaped pastries and a pancake that was, as Espurr found out, lemon flavoured, lay spread out on a fancy table in the lobby. Children and guardians and teachers from other schools placed food on their plates, taking them to small, wooden tables with round benches.

Espurr had never had a lemon-flavoured pancake before, so she grabbed a couple of those and a small tin of berries and sat down at a nearby table. Not too far from her, her ears picked up the sound of Farfetch'd instructing Tricky not to eat herself into a food coma, as the entire class would be going on a field trip today.

A minute later, Tricky happily trotted over with a plate in her mouth, and sat down with seven lemoncakes and three cone pastries and a peach in front of her.

"Isn't that a lot?" asked Espurr, looking at the stack of food that went up to Tricky's snout.

"Yeah but my Pops only makes these on special occasions," Tricky chirped happily, with her mouth full of lemon pancake. "haf' tph saphour i'!"

She was practically inhaling them. Espurr, who had been nibbling on hers, moved over on the bench to make space as Goomy slimed up.

"S-so what was that dream about?" he asked, setting his plate on the table. It was filled mainly with fruit. "Yo-you looked r-really distressed."

Espurr instinctively hid behind her lemoncake a little more at the thought of recounting it.

"It didn't feel normal," she said. "It felt like there was something there."

"Somethinth d'ere lithe a niph'mare?" asked Tricky through another full mouth, this time with cinnamon swirl pastries. Only the peach was untouched now.

Espurr shook her head.

"No," she said. "Something actually there. In there with me."

Even though she hadn't eaten in over half a day, she suddenly felt a lot less hungry thinking about it. She thought briefly: was it worth telling them about Hydreigon? Were the two dreams connected?

"Hey, wanna see something cool?" said Tricky. Then she practically inhaled the peach, chewed with her mouth open, and spat the charred, smoking pit back onto the plate before belching loudly. She looked very proud of herself.


~\({O})/~

"Alright, troublemakers! Finish getting ready! Let's go!"

Vice Principal Watchog rang a bell on a stick in the middle of the inn room. No-mon paid attention to it, too preoccupied with their own packing. Audino and Farfetch'd were busy making sure everything inside the bags they'd brought along was there, while Watchog's was fully packed and practically half his size, sagging at the straps around his shoulders. He brushed aside his green cloak, lugging the straps over his shoulder.

Espurr was taking the time to spruce herself up and make her fur look extra nice, while Tricky was furtively dangling her pretty white bow out the window by a paw, debating if she could burn it and hide the remains. In the corner of the room, Deerling was telling Goomy not to veer too far away from her. Goomy didn't look happy about that, but he didn't have the guts to stand up to Deerling and her friends. Shelmet was looking over Pancham, who was clutching his stomach with a queasy look on his face.

"I feel sick…" he moaned, looking up from his spot on the straw beds.

Audino, who had left the bags to Farfetch'd, was looking over him.

"You ate too much?" she asked, inspecting him.

"Blugh… think so…" Pancham nodded.

Watchog stomped over, his bag clanging noisily after him.

"Well, you can't go on the trip if you're gonna be like that," he said harshly, folding his arms. "How will you keep up?"

Audino gave him a 'lay off' look.

"Why don't you just rest for now," she told Pancham. "We'll see how you're doing after the trip, okay?"

Pancham, lying flat on the straw bed, just nodded groggily.

"He's faking, isn't he?" whispered Tricky suspiciously, padding over to Espurr. The smell of singed fabric wafted over with her.

"Definitely," said Espurr, her eyes narrowed as she watched. She looked at Tricky. "I barely saw him eat anything at breakfast."

"Who's going to stay behind with him?" asked Farfetch'd.

Audino looked like she was about to offer, but Nuzleaf stood up first.

'Ah'll do it," he said.

Audino sent him a questioning look.

"Well, I'm the nu—"

"You should be with the group," Nuzleaf said. "Jus' in case somemon gets hurt. Better to have an experienced nurse where one's needed, right? If this gets worse, we'll just go ta the town doctor."

Audino couldn't argue with that. She nodded, sitting back down on the other straw bed.

"I'll bet he ate too much on purpose just so he wouldn't have to go," Deerling remarked to Blitzle, Ponyta, and Goomy in a hush as they all walked out the lobby door. Goomy looked pleadingly at Espurr and Tricky as they left, but he was shoved outside with the three of them.

Ate too much… as the rest of the teachers were leaving, suddenly all the pieces clicked in Espurr's head.

"Of course!" she said, hushed.

"What?" asked Tricky, tilting her head.

"Ampharos came along too, didn't he?" whispered Espurr as they rushed along, hanging behind the other teachers and out of earshot. "This field trip is the perfect time to slip away unsupervised and meet up with him. No wonder he wanted to be left behind. Why didn't I see it sooner?"

"Well…" Tricky trailed off. "It'll be fine, won't it? Nuzleaf's watching him and all…"

"If Nuzleaf can catch him," Espurr said.

But then, Nuzleaf had an uncanny way of catching everything. A few weeks ago, Pancham and Shelmet decided to purchase a stick of pyrogum, which exploded into fireworks once blown and popped, in order to disrupt class. Nuzleaf waved a single finger, and the half-chewed gum flew out of Pancham's mouth and exploded right over his desk. Pancham's fur didn't stick down for the rest of the day.

Even so… it just didn't feel right in Espurr's gut. What were the two of them planning?


~\({O})/~

"As Vice Principal and dungeon class teacher, I'm going to be the field supervisor for this trip," Watchog proudly stated as they left the lobby, marching them down to the pier. "

They departed from the hotel into the big, noisy city, and met up with the pokemon from the other schools to form one big, noisy crowd at the docks. The ramp that led aboard the shiny white ferry quickly became cramped and crowded, as the students and teachers of five different towns all flooded aboard one large ship.

"Don't they have snacks aboard?" whined Tricky as they tried to stay together in the crowd flooding onto the ship.

"D-didn't you just eat twenty pancakes?" asked Goomy, somehow without a stutter. In all the chaos, he'd managed to sneak away from Deerling and her friends.

"And seven of those cone things?" added Espurr, keeping a tight hold of her dusty brown bag. "And you hate boats!"

"Yeah, but that's like, nothing!"

"Can we not worry about food right now?" grunted Audino, trying not to lose her bag or floral hat as she shoved past a flock of kids and towards the rest of them. "We'll find some after the trip."

The ferry, full up with 'mon of every colour and variety, departed from Crossings Harbour and sailed north of the city, out of the sun and into the cover of craggy swamp trees. As the light was enveloped by the shade of the dense, tangled canopy, Espurr leaned over the boat's railing and studied the water. The vast river they were drifting along seemed to turn from dark blue to a muddy green, then slowly became a lovely warm lavender, illuminated from below and casting light onto the side of the ship and her face. The glow caught the attention of most of the 'mon on the dock, and soon everymon was looking over the railing and chattering to each other excitedly.

"What's in the water?" Espurr asked to one of the nearby crew members, a ghostly, greenish wyrm-looking 'mon.

"We call it Night Light Cove," said the 'mon disinterestedly. Espurr could read his unenthusiasm, dancing around him a deep violet-indigo. Wow, he must hate it here… "It's always been like that."

"How does it work?" asked Espurr curiously. "Does anymon know why?"

"Well, somemon knows why," shrugged the 'mon. "Just not me."

Muffled groaning caught her ear. Espurr turned to see Tricky curled up on the dock, stuffing her snout into one of the cabin pillows, which she'd dragged out onto the deck. Goomy was patting her back.

"Lost your appetite?" asked Espurr, flopping down next to them, the bag following. "You don't look so good…"

"I shouldn't have eaten all those pancakes…" Tricky groaned, her ears and tail flat on the ground.

"Now if you all direct your eyes right above," sang a shrill voice that Espurr recognised as another one of the boat's employees, a large, red-and-grey bird whose nametag read "Talonflame Lightwing". The voice caught the attention of many of the children, who were busy staring into the dazzling glow of the waters. "you'll see the true beauty of Night Light Cove. Look!"

They all looked above, where the once dark canopy was suddenly alight with thousands and thousands of tiny lights. Espurr recognised them immediately – fireflies!

The rest of the students were in awe. Espurr heard "oohs' and 'aahs' go up all around her. One of them alighted on her paw, buzzing and blinking its tail.

But just as quickly as they were here, the fireflies suddenly flew away, leaving in waves like the ship had run into an invisible wall the bugs couldn't pass. They left everymon in darkness – even the water wasn't glowing as much here anymore. Espurr wondered why…

"Look…" said Tricky, who had shaken off her queasiness, jumping in place and nudging Espurr with her tail in excitement.

Then Espurr smelled it. The faintest hint of a rancid stench dancing around the tip of her nose – that rotting scent on the breeze. It reminded her of her dream. She only had to look ahead to see what Tricky was so excited over – and it struck fear into her heart.

Ahead of the ship, where the glow of the lake faded away into darkness and the trees were overgrown and mottled with decay, lay the entrance to a massive grove of tangled swamp oaks. Bad energy, the scent of decaying flesh, flowed out from it like a waterfall, overwhelming Espurr's senses. She clutched her nose and groaned, trying to ward away the horrible smell.

As the ship got closer, Watchog gathered all the students and teachers together in one group.

"What can you tell me about this passage?" he asked them.

"It's… shimmering?" Deerling asked, tilting an ear.

"Exactly," said Watchog. "You identify a dungeon by seeing if your surroundings shimmer. If they do, it's a dungeon."

"What about the smell?" Espurr asked, raising one paw. She was still clutching her nose with the other one.

"What smell," said Watchog.

"The smell from the… dungeon," Espurr said, her tail lowering in confused embarrassment. It was so strong! Why wasn't everymon else holding their noses too?

"What are you talking about?" said Watchog crabbily. "I don't smell anything."

Espurr looked around at the others, but no-mon, not even Tricky, seemed to notice. Some of them were giving her strange looks. Was she crazy?

"This dungeon is called Night Light Cove," said Watchog. "It's class A, which means it's one of the weakest. We shouldn't see anything we can't deal with in here. Now everymon hold paws! It's important we enter while we're all touching each other."

Everymon put their paws on each other, as the boat sailed closer, closer, until Espurr realised – they were going in! The bow of the ship passed through the entrance, disturbing a shimmering wall that came closer and closer to them. Espurr braced herself and shut her eyes, feeling the whoosh as her ears popped and a breeze fluttered over her, and then the air changed and everything felt musty and damp.

She opened her eyes again, noticing her paw on Tricky's front leg had turned into almost hugging her for comfort.

The rumble of the ferry's engines came to a stop as the sleek white ship docked at the beginnings of a marshy bay. The wooden boarding plank rolled out and hit the ground with a muddy splash.

Tricky hopped down onto the plank with Goomy and Espurr, who was clutching the straps of the bag and holding it close. The environment of the dungeon was dark and overbearing, looming over her like they'd just entered the lion's den.

Once they'd all converged into a messy crowd and hit the mud surrounding the shallow, swampy harbour, the sounds of teachers calling for their students rang up around the clearing.

"Riverton, here!"

"Balton!"

"Lorrylight students over here, please!"

"Alright, Serenity Village with me!" The harsh, familiar barking of Watchog flew over the crowd, Espurr's ears homing in on the direction instantly.

"Listen up, please!"

All heads turned to look at the large talonflame from before, along with the rest of the boat employees. Joining them were 'mon from Crossings, which Espurr could see by the white government scarves they wore.

"The last preliminary elimination round of the Regional Cup begins now," said the talonflame loudly. "Five flags have been placed within the dungeon at secret, separate locations, one for each school. The first two parties to return with their flags before time is up will the two chosen schools for the final round. Is all that understood?"

There were several murmurs, nods, and shouts of confirmation from all around the clearing.

"With that out of the way, please choose any of the pathways you see before you." The talonflame spread her wing out, gesturing to several different branching corridors that led deeper into the dungeon. As the groups of other schools began to choose theirs, Watchog led them along to the nearest one.

The sky seemed to turn to abstract colours of darkness as they stepped further into the dungeon, replaced by a scraggly roof of vines and tree roots. The light faded away, only a dim lavender glow throughout the lakes and streams illuminating its steep, gloomy caverns. After checking to make sure everymon was there, Watchog pulled a luminous orb out of his backpack. It shone brightly, lighting up their surroundings like a torch. He closed his bag and began to march forward, beckoning the rest of them along.

The dungeon twisted and turned, long tunnels branching out into splinters and curves and dead ends. The entire maze was as silent as an undisturbed creek, a devourer of noise that played off Espurr's ears in an uncomfortable way. Did anymon even live in these things? How could a place be so quiet, so dead?

In the shadows and corners, something felt off. The life in the air was being sucked into the cracks in the floor. The walls breathed, smothering everything inside in rotting dampness. It was like there was something Espurr couldn't see watching her from in between the roots and vines. Was it the same thing that had haunted her in her dreams?

It was halfway through the second floor (Watchog and the other teachers had promised three) that the ground suddenly rumbled. Strong wind blew through the corridor, bringing with it a powerful gust that nearly knocked them off their feet. The familiar stench, like something had died, pervaded the air. Holding her nose, Espurr looked back at where the wind was going. But as the ground continued to tremble, suddenly realised she needed to look down.

Whispers spread throughout their group – "What's going on?" "Is this part of the trip?" – but the teachers, catching their bearings, didn't seem to have any answers.

It was Tricky who broke the silence. Her ears perked up in realisation, and the rest of her quickly followed.

"The dungeon!" she called out. "It's rearranging itself!"

Espurr barely had time to ask "what does that mean?" before she was nearly obliterated by a swiftly moving wall.

"Everymon come closer!" Audino's shout was nearly drowned out by the sudden rumbling as several more walls and pathways began to move and collide with each other.

All of the sudden, something lurched out of the darkness. Espurr only saw it for a split second before she reacted herself: a face with gleaming green eyes, overshadowed by a large hatlike adornment on its head the size of a cone. She saw the blinking lights shine: red, yellow, green. Her body reacted before her mind, and she jumped away immediately. And just in time. The beheeyem made a snatch at her, her feet barely escaping the grip of its arms before she hit the ground several feet away.

Espurr immediately tried her best to get to her feet, but the ground was unsteady and hindered her efforts to stand up. The beheeyem's eyes glowed, and suddenly she could feel herself being tugged back in the beheeyem's direction. She cast a panicked look towards the others, yelled for help, but what few of them she could see were just as panicked as she was, and were too far away to do anything. She had to fix this herself! As she was being dragged back, Espurr tried to do as Nuzleaf had instructed, and began to perform the motions for the attack they'd been practising.

But when she focused her energy, concentrating on her fear, nothing appeared.

The beheeyem's gaze was suddenly cut off from her by a moving wall, and with the cut contact, so was its pull on Espurr. Spooked immensely, she stumbled to her feet as quickly and she could and moved to leave. She needed to get back to the group!

Tricky seemed to see something the others couldn't. She suddenly broke away from the faltering group, hopping over patches of moving floor and weaving between wavering walls over Audino's shouts. She jumped high and snatched something from a moving patch of ground, then sped back to where the group was haphazardly moving and jumped between a pair of closing-up walls.

They could only watch as the dungeon settled down around them, walls finally clicking into place. Tricky came trotting back to them. In her mouth, she clutched what they had come for – the flag!

Espurr could only glance around uncomfortably until they'd left. If the beheeyem were lurking around in here… they could be anywhere. What if they were in the town?


~\({O})/~

They all shuffled onto the boat in much lower spirits than when they'd boarded it earlier that day. In all the chaos, it was hard for the judges and instructors to decide just who had come out first. But eventually two schools emerged: Crossings and Serenity Village. Serenity Village had won by one saving grace – they'd been carrying the flag when they came out.

True to Watchog's word, the sun was indeed setting, even though they'd only seemed to have spent what seemed like an hour in there. But even though the effect was curious, no-mon was in the mood to talk about it. All ragged and beat up, the journey back to the island was quiet.

They departed back into Crossings at nightfall. Lights were already on all around the town, shining brighter in most houses than they ever had in Serenity Village. It wasn't until they got back to the inn that trouble reared its ugly head once again.

There was a gathering near the inn doors, where a whole bunch of pokemon were blocking the way forward. Watchog, who looked especially haggard and grumpy sighed.

"Alright, what now?" he questioned crabbily, marching forward with purpose. "If somemon hasn't died, I'll—"

But he was stopped short when they got close enough to see what had happened. In the middle of the square, surrounded by townsmon who were either whispering to each other about it or pointing what looked like strange, blue, orb-like things at it, was a nearly perfect stone statue of a 'mon. A Seviper, posed like they were fleeing from something in terror.

"I seen them!" bleated a loud and frenetic flaafy repeatedly to anymon who would listen. "Two o' them! Big, brown, with cones on their heads!"

The description captured the attention of Espurr and her friends immediately. The coneheads…

Immediately, Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy were looking at each other. Espurr tiptoed away from the crowd.

"What are you doing?" questioned Audino in a sharp hiss. Espurr stopped in her tracks. So close, too… "Stay with the group!"

"And I seen him, too!" continued the flaaffy, loud enough somemon on the other side of town could hear them clearly. "A big, cloaked Ampharos!"

And that sealed the deal.

Espurr could tell Audino looked scared silly. And she could hazard a pretty good guess as to why.

"That 'mon…" she breathed under her breath, looking at the Seviper.

Espurr understood immediately: it was her guardian.


~\({O})/~

Music of the Week!

The Goblet of Fire - Patrick Doyle
 
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Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Staff
Location
somewhere in spacetime
Pronouns
they/them
Partners
  1. pikachu-chibi
  2. lugia
  3. palkia
  4. lucario-shiny
  5. incineroar-starr
Hello hello I am finally here to check out the new and improved version! Let's dive right in~

Prologue

And we start things off in signature Espy faction, with oodles of hints toward the political workings of a much larger world. Mew has a fun energy, and her dialogue already gives the impression that she has interacted with government officials before, but this is the first time she's done so with Rufus.

(Man tho, why the hate for partner!Mew in canon, I actually loved that twist. ;P)

The mention that "we" brought in a human is interesting. So Mew is working with someone else. A voice of life?

The fact that Rufus is going to find the human personally is surprising to me. And we get the implication of a dark entity already privy to this conversation, so I'm expecting the void shadows to make their move pretty early, just like the last version of the fic. That was always one of my favorite aspects of the fic, that the void shadows played a role much earlier than the game, to give more intrigue to the story while Espurr is still in Serenity.

Ch1

I'm struck by how efficient this opening is. There's lots of flavorful detail, but it doesn't overstay its welcome like a lot of similar stories. We get juuust enough of a feeling of what everyday life is like before The Thing happens. Good pacing.

Very nice scene setting with her appearance in this forest, as well as her reaction to the transformation. Top-notch descriptions.

It's interesting how even before her isekai, she's already called Espurr. It's almost like her former identity isn't even real, or that because it's going to be immediately dwarfed by her new identity, the narration itself is only focused on the new identity.

> blinded by sunlight she wasn't expecting to see.
This felt a bit odd when later the forest is emphasized as being thickly shadowed and the chapter art is very dark. Unless it started as normal forest and then became dark and spooky?

Really creepy stuff with the beheeyem. I know that was the case in the old version too, but damn those guys are unsettling as hell. Also I just really like the nickname 'the coneheads'. It's a very childlike nickname for her to give them, a little bit unserious, but also uncanny at the same time. You're really good at nailing that children's book vibe.

And, hoo boy are we already getting a hint of voidlands stuff with that dream? That's the impression that I'm getting. :copyka:

Ch2

Man, even in the diary flashback we don't get to see Espurr's name, her old identity really is gone.

This is the first time I've noticed that Tricky is described with blue, ghost-like wisps near her tail--wonder if that's significant.

>"Yes ma'am! Absolutely understood!" the fox chirped in a tone that Espurr gathered meant it was not understood at all.
See, this is what I love about your narration.

So, given the fact that Tricky got injured because she knew Espurr was in the nurse's office, that makes me wonder if she was only pretending to be surprised by the fact that she would have company. Rather more cunning than expected for her. :P

Somehow I doubt that taking the long way back counts as a 'shortcut.'

Ch3

Really good stuff with the emotion-sensing in this chapter, I've always been fond of the way you portray that, and it particularly stands out here.

And hey, Tricky wasn't a liability in the dungeon! That slightly makes up for her dragging Espurr there in the first place. And I appreaciate that Espurr really was about to just leave Tricky in the dust if she hadn't overheard Deerling and volunteered to rescue Goomy.

I enjoy how none of the other teachers seem to care even remotely about Watchog's rantings. :P Simipour strikes a good balance between being pretty reasonable while also guilty of beinf dreadfully unfair in the kids' eyes. He seriously needs to grow a spine as far as Pancham and Shelmet are concerned though. >>;

Ch4-5

Hydreigon! Wasn't expecting to see him here! Interesting how despite all the changes to make this story less and less like PMD canon, that's actually one very big addition that makes it more connected to PMD canon than even the original game.

There's something so charming about all of the things that Espurr wants to go home to get back to are all so mundane as a good book and not forgetting her study homework.

Overall, Espurr's personality compes across a lot more strongly than last time, and I particularly appreciate how she resists Tricky and doesn't let herself get dragged around without firm protest.

And oh man, everything about the Crossings trip was just charming as hell. Big time Diagon Alley vibes... and then I saw what the music of the week was. xD

It's perfectly sensible for Espurr to assume that the stone Raichu is a statue and I can't believe I wasn't expecting it even though it makes perfect sense. I mean, if you saw a stone person in real life of course you'd assume statue over anything else.

Ch6
A Regional Cup, eh? Honestly a bit surprised that a tiny village like Serenity is big enough for the Triwizard Tournament something like that.

It's hard to put my finger on it, but Tricky's vibes in this version of the fic are noticeably less thoughtless toward others, even when she's being careless. Like, she excitedly asks Espurr about the cup, then offers to walk her back to school when she says she's tired, and then drops the subject when Espurr refuses a second time. Then she tries to invite Espurr to dinner and doesn't even seem to have any ulterior motives for it! Am... am I feeling... bad for her.

Still, in spite of that, it's important that Espurr stood up for herself so strongly.

And here he is! The eponymous Electric Sheep! Still enjoying the way he's become the center of the mystery in this opening arc--it helps justify the title of the fic more than him just being an excuse for them to become explorers.

Ch7

It's nice to see Tricky doing a bit of self-reflection. Overall she's a lot more sympathetic in this version of the fic.

I like these insights into Espurr's human life and how she had to learn to take care of herself even then because her parents were never around.

Raking leaves in a forest?! Watchog is a monster. Fallen leaves are important for healthy forest soil! :screm:

Espurr is so used to adults being useless it's hardly a surprise when Watchog is, lol.

Really nice atmosphere and scene setting in the forest, especially with the plants turning to stone. Gives a good "nowhere is safe" feeling that overturns the "Serenity Village is completely divorced from the plot" vibe in the game.

I know Espurr's worried about the Coneheads getting Tricky, but I have a suspicion that they wouldn't have any reason to go after anyone but Espurr, since Espurr is the offworlder here. Not that Espurr would know that, of course, so her worry is justified.

Ch8

Espurr and Goomy taking Tricky's help here is pretty sensible because even if Tricky turns out to be useless, they're not really any worse off because it's not like they could spy during class anyway. (Although it does make me wonder why Tricky was pulled from class, and why she claimed it was her idea).

Somehow I don't think Nuzleaf's book is actually about move techniques...

>waking the birds up as they practisedpracticed
error here

I like how her not using her tail properly is why her fighting stances are all wrong. It's a small detail that makes perfect sense and would be easily overlooked despite her lucking out and getting to remain a biped post-transformation.

>As it turned out, Tricky was a lot less useful than they thought.
I am. So shocked. :sadbees: But then, in her defense, meta-knowledge says Ampharos probably isn't up to shady stuff anyway.

"Duh, it's an active mine" Pancham says after calling it abandoned 5 seconds ago.

It's noteworthy that Tricky is actually trying to help and not just drag them into things for her own gain here. And Espurr has her own reasons to want to investigate too! Overall, I'm getting a much stronger feeling of Espurr being the protagonist and taking a proactive role in driving the narrative compared to the old version. Even in spite of her being unable to get around most things being over her head right now, on account of being a grade-schooler.

Ch9

Man, I'm really noticing just how much breezier these chapters are than the old version. And we've got more of Espurr driving the plot and making sensible judgements while still being a kid and not having the best foresight at times.

To be fair to Tricky (wow, I'm saying this a lot lately, amazing) the Drilbur do seem like cowards who were too scared to mine in a dungeon. xD (Although yes, in this case there is a very real danger to be mindful of, it's a logical assumption that they might have just boarded up the dungeon out of cowardice!) Also, despite Tricky's optimism she's still cognizant of danger and warns the others!

Geodude skittering like a spider is terrifying, 0/10

I enjoy espurr being freaked out by the dungeon apparition dissolving upon KO. Nicely unsettling.

>Mystery dungeons had stairs.
Have I mentioned I love the narration style.

Really love the effect that just putting in Gabite's sound effects has in ramping up the tension.

Holy cow, Tricky actually being the MVP here! And Espurr pulling off some telekinesis! Heck, even Goomy got to use a clutch Dragonbreath on the Geodude! This is all giving me big vibes of when the HP trio defeated the troll and become friends despite annoying each other.

Huzzah, they made it! And even though they technically didn't accomplish their goal, (seeing as Ampharos wasn't anywhere near there) it still feels like a triumph! :yoom:

Ch10

"We could stay back here for the rest of our lives" oh my god

Yessss the drilbur stand up to watchog, I'm so proud of them. :'D

I know it was in the old version too, but I still love Espurr just being like "thank you" to take away from Pancham's satisfaction.

"Now the whole village gets to know" ... that you snuck into a dangerous place, and lived! Yeah, somehow that's not the sick burn that you think it is, Pancham. :V

And even though Espurr snaps at Tricky afterward, it's not nearly so one-sided this time, since Espurr did have her own reason to want to investigate the mines, and Tricky actually was helpful! Plus we get Espurr feeling conflicted about it afterward.

> watching the sun set over the easterly mountains
Is... is this intentional to show Nebyllin having the opposite rotation to Earth?

Okay, while I do think they have plausible reason to be sus of Ampharos, assuming that he got Pancham to give them the dare is a pretty huge reach on their part. :P

Ch11

Bwaha, see, of course word getting out about the mines adventure would only serve to make them look cooler. Pancham's galaxy-brained sick burn at work, everyone.

The descriptions of the shops and the ice cream and everything in Crossings continues to be ridiculously charming and whimsical in tone.

And we actually get a bit of info on the Beheeyem, and they turn out to be Constructs. Definitely an interesting take on them.

>All I know is he was doin' it with some other guy.
Doing...what? Building constructs? Doing crimes with them? A bit unclear on what exactly Tinkaton's uncle got into. However, the significant part is obviously the implication that Ampharos was involved...

Oh man, Espurr leaving Serenity Village would be something. It honestly wasn't something that was on my radar, and even though I don't think she'll actually end up leaving, it's nice to confront her with the fact that maybe, just maybe, she's starting to like it here, at least a little.

Ch12

Hoo boy, this dream. Really love the abstract imagery and the use of senses. And I see that the ominous bolded letters have returned...

Dammit I'm enjoying Tricky. How could you do this to me.

> Watchog proudly stated as they left the lobby, marching them down to the pier. "
extra " at the end here

> "I shouldn't have eaten all those pancakes…" Tricky groaned, her ears and tail flat on the ground.
:sadbees: and absolutely no one was shocked

Ohoho I had actually just started to wonder if Espurr was the only one who could smell dungeon rot, and lo and behold. So I wonder if it's related to her being an offworlder, or something different.
but wait tricky?

> She opened her eyes again, noticing her paw on Tricky's front leg had turned into almost hugging her for comfort.
aww

Love the descriptions of the dungeon, so many tactile details, I can really feel its wrongness. That said, I feel like the trip itself was a tad rushed? I don't think it'd be good to drag it out, but maybe just one more paragraph to get an idea of how everyone else reacted to the sudden rearranging, or to emphasize that no one saw what happened to Espurr. It felt a bit like the rest of the group didn't exist in the choreograpy there.

The mystery surrounding Ampharos is fun and makes him a lot less random in the plot (and also fitting for the title of the fic).

Aaaand finally caught up! As I'm sure was pretty clear from the zillion times I said it, this is a huge improvement over the old version, holy cow. The pacing, the narration, the characters, the pacing. Real good stuff. Looking forward to more!
 
1-13: Chapter Thirteen - I Destroy 17 Seats and A Perfectly Fine Blackboard

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: I DESTROY 17 SEATS AND A PERFECTLY FINE BLACKBOARD

. . .. . . The field trip, though it should have lasted one more day, was quickly cut short. The Crossings Police gathered everymon together in the lobby and asked them some questions, one by one. They were all basic – where were you all day, how did you first see the crime, had anymon seen the suspects in the last 24 hours? They showed a paw-drawn picture of an Ampharos in a bulky green cloak (it was drawn too large – the one thing Espurr did notice), collected from eyewitness testimony. No-mon had. Ampharos hadn't been seen since arriving with them on the ferry yesterday. Once the investigation was done, the statue was rolled to the station for safekeeping, and all of them were on the first ferry home the following day.

Through all of it, Espurr stayed quiet. Her head was a frenzied blur during the entire process. It was taken up with the shocked look on Nurse Audino and the teachers' faces, and the haze of purple fear stoked with excitement that hung over the room. She huddled up on the ferry pillows next to Tricky and Goomy, who had a corner all to themselves. Her thoughts were taken up with fear and guilt: were the Coneheads responsible? They came looking for her. If she hadn't come here, if she hadn't convinced herself it would be fine, that she could rely on somemon else for once, then maybe there wouldn't have been—

Deep breath.

They stayed together for warmth in the cold morning air, tired, stressed, and exhausted. Tricky yawned, her ears drooping and head lazily bobbing, close to sleep. None of them had had good sleep. Espurr shut her eyes, listening to the sound of Goomy's soft snores and slowly slumping down against the warmth of Tricky's tail. Snuggling into it, she felt consciousness slip away, all thoughts of bad dreams forgotten—

"Hey! Get up."

The point of a hoof nudged Espurr sharply, skewering her out of her comfy dream. She stirred and looked up groggily, rousing Tricky and Goomy out of their sleep too.

"Whu..." murmured Tricky. The faces of Deerling, Blitzle, and Ponyta stared down at them. Goomy, who was yawning and rubbing his eyes, snapped awake suddenly, sinking into a pile of goo and trying to make himself look scarce. His antennae flattened.

"Well?" scoffed Blitzle.

"We just got up," growled Tricky in displeasure.

"Let them be," said Deerling to Blitzle. She ignored Tricky, looking at Espurr. "We're at Serenity Village, so we thought we'd wake you. Now Watchog doesn't have to do it. And believe me, he's looking forward to it."

"Um, no problem," said Espurr nicely, rubbing her eyes with a paw.

"So you should thank us!" crowed Blitzle obnoxiously. Tricky glared and rolled her eyes.

"Thank you," said Espurr sweetly, staring her coldly in the eye and making sure Blitzle was as uncomfortable as she could possibly be.

Blitzle scowled, 'hmph'ed, and snorted, heading off to follow Deerling.

With a twinkle of her horn, Ponyta silently flashed her luxurious pink mane at them, then clopped off haughtily. Espurr thought about pouring spiders in it.


~\({O})/~

After the crime, Serenity Village tightened security. Curfews were lowered – children were to be back home by dark, and venturing outside the city limits without supervision was strictly forbidden. Ampharos had, against all common sense, returned to his room in the Café Connection and could be seen around town, much to Espurr's displeasure. She was sure he was a killer! If only they could just find some proof…

Her sentiments were shared by the town, but proof was harder and harder to find these days. It became almost impossible to survey Ampharos when Ampharos was off doing things during their school hours, and their free time grew ever shorter with each day. Even Pancham wasn't sneaking off as frequently as he used to, though Espurr counted that as more of a blessing than anything. At least it levelled the playing field.

With another sudden kidnapping or murder in the same small spot, the rumours began to spread with much more speed than before.

"I always knew he was up to no good," grumbled Hippoppotas, who was very vain and cared more about her flowers and whatever gossip there was each afternoon than anything else. "Knew from the moment he stepped in here, and know it now. He'll do it again before it's all said and done, and you mark my words. Village should've kicked him out while we still had the chance!"

But Ampharos was either on a mission or exceptionally stupid – any smart criminal would have skipped town or would be preparing to by now. Which made Espurr wonder: if he wasn't leaving, then what was he planning instead? Who else was going to get in danger?

Their time was short. She had to get to the bottom of who did this, and fast. And she already had a pretty good idea of where to start.

"Did you ask Mr. Nuzleaf about Pancham?" Espurr asked Tricky and Goomy at the nearest opportunity, when they all had a free moment at lunch.

"M-mr Nuzleaf said h-he had to take a bathroom trip, and when he c-came back Pancham was gone," explained Goomy. "A-and the m-murder happened shortly after."

"And the doormon said he saw Pancham going out the front door just ten minutes before the murder happened," added Tricky, "so we know he's telling the truth."

"When did you talk to the doormon?" Espurr asked.

"Before anymon else got up," answered Tricky nonchalantly.

"B-but doesn't th-this just p-prove Pancham's i-in on it?" asked Goomy.

Espurr nodded. "He and Ampharos were both at the scene of the crime right before it happened. And since he snuck out to get there, he must have been doing something."

"Doing what?" Tricky cocked her head. "Didn't the coneheads do the killing?"

"That's what we need to find out," Espurr said. "They're still our best suspects. But…"

She trailed off. Was it too wild a theory to suggest?

"Maybe he was meeting Ampharos somewhere."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember in the dungeon, when it suddenly started rearranging itself?" Espurr asked.

"Yeah," nodded Tricky.

"I think somemon caused it on purpose," Espurr said.

"What do you mean?" asked the other two.

"There was a conehead in there," answered Espurr breathlessly. "It tried to snatch me when the dungeon shifted. And when we left…"

"Oh! Yeah…" Tricky suddenly said. "And the dungeon isn't supposed to rearrange itself that early!"

"What if," Espurr began, "Ampharos followed us to the island and triggered the dungeon, then hopped back and had Pancham help him prepare for the murder? Then, if the Coneheads got me, it would have been an early win. But if he didn't, he'd kill the guardian anyway just to keep me in one place."

"It makes some sense…" said Tricky.

"B-but wouldn't it be easier to pick you o-off once you weren't in a group?" Goomy asked. "Why d-didn't the killer just wait?"

Espurr didn't have an answer for that.

"I don't know," she said.

"And how did Ampharos know in the first place?" asked Tricky. "Unless he was eavesdropping…"

No-mon had any answers for that either.


~\({O})/~

As the days passed, the shock of the incident slowly began to wear off. Classes were back in session, the gossip died down, and though Ampharos still hung around the village, no-mon did more than steal a furtive glance at him or whisper to a nosy neighbour here and there. Espurr, Tricky, and Goomy still took notes where they could, but even Espurr had to admit with so little happening since, the trail seemed to have gone cold. Maybe they were wrong after all?

Or maybe he was lying in hiding. Biding his time. Waiting for the new guardian to be assigned. One question continued to hang over Espurr's head: how did he know who Espurr's guardian would be? And if Pancham was slipping him information somehow, how did Pancham know?

The police showed up before long. It was a couple of 'mon from Crossings. One of them looked like a flying, oval disc with two magnets spinning on either side. He called himself 'Officer Magnazone'.

"Everymon carry on," he said, addressing the town in the village square. We're just here to keep an eye on things in the surrounding towns. We'll be patrolling the vicinity and searching for anything that looks suspicious."

He looked over the gathering of villagers, a bored expression on his face.

"Rest assured," he said confidently, detectives flanking him. "We'll be at the bottom of this before long."

A couple of weeks after the incident, Espurr learned that Nuzleaf would be absent for a few days, and Watchog was filling in for his class. And with the mystery firmly out of their paws, Tricky seemed to be growing restless again.

"By the way," the fennekin said as they walked down the hill from the School Clinic towards the classroom. "That book on mystery dungeons? I checked it out again when the teachers weren't looking. Watchog must have been surprised I managed to get it, because his face was all like bleagh—"

She rolled out her tongue, bugged her eyes, tilted her head, and made an expression that was way to exaggerated to ever be on Watchog's face. Espurr and Goomy laughed.

"And guess what?" Tricky continued excitedly. "There's a small dungeon right near Pop's oran berry fields! It's where all the combee make their honey, and they sell it to Kecleon every year, so there's no way it's dangerous.

"So, uh…" Tricky stopped where she was at, pawing the ground. Her tail brushed the dirt off the path back and forth behind her.

"Wanna go exploring with me later?" she asked, hopefully.

Like clockwork, Deerling's words of warning replayed in Espurr's head. Was it wise to go? Tricky hadn't been asking about this until they'd had nothing to do.

"H-how do you know it w-won't be like the m-mines?" Goomy asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Well…" Tricky trailed off. "Well, the book says it's safe! It'll be different!"

"Like how?" Espurr chimed in.

"Well… there won't be any monsters," Tricky pointed out.

That did make a bit of a difference.

"I d-don't want to," stammered Goomy. "S-sorry."

He slimed off ahead of them, heading down towards the desks. Tricky looked at Espurr hopefully.

"Sorry," said Espurr. "Me neither."

"Okay…" everything about Tricky drooped, and she plodded off towards the classroom sadly.


~\({O})/~

"Just some regular old cleanup at Kangaskhan's," Watchog said as he made Tricky march ahead of him through the square. "What could go wrong? Everything. Everything could go wrong. But nothing. Is going. To go wrong. Or I'm not Vice Principal Watchog— Sharp left!"

The two of them both made a sharp left, heading up the steps and into the well-lit interior of the two-story Café Connection.

Tricky never got to be inside the Café Connection. She'd spied looks through the window, sure, but being inside was like entering a whole other world! It was dark and atmospheric, lit by candles that gave the place a nice-smelling scent and glowing luminous orbs that hung like chandeliers. There were flowers hanging from the walls, plants in vases on the tables and counters, and long, leafy vines that drooped along the entranceways. The windows were arched and housed between viny pillars, made of iron beams and stained glass. Some kind of song was playing on an emera-powered radio behind the counter, but Tricky didn't like the tune and ignored it. And all the pokemon! This must have been why the village square was always so quiet during sunset.

"And what can I get for y— oh! Watchog!" Kangaskhan behind the counter almost dropped the stack of seashells she was drying as she caught sight of Watchog approaching. She looked at Tricky. "It's not like you to bring students along for your evening drink."

"Alas, duty calls," Watchog told Kangaskhan, sliding onto a stool. "I'm here on official school business. This troublemaker is here to do some 'extra credit'. I don't suppose you have some chores they could help out with?"

"Doesn't the school usually handle that?" Kangaskhan cocked a rocky eyebrow.

Watchog leaned in close over the counter.

"I'm not supposed to tell you this," he began, his voice a dramatic hush. "But just between you and me: one of the students had an 'accident' in the classroom. A big accident. Boom."

"Boom… ?" The other eyebrow went up.

"Boom." Watchog waved his paws out, exaggerating the effect as much as possible.

"Well…" Kangaskhan set the stack of seashells aside before she had another chance to drop and crack them. "I guess I could use some help behind the counter. A—"

Tricky's ears suddenly fell flat, terrified at the word that was about to leave Kangaskhan's mouth. Kangaskhan quickly corrected herself, sending Tricky a brief apologetic look.

"I mean, Tricky could do that. Sound alright?"

Watchog leaned back in his stool, relaxing himself. "Sounds wonderful. And I will have that drink, by the way. Mago berry, please. Here – I'll pay you up front—"

As Watchog searched the bulging, overpacked bag he had brought along for his money pouch, Tricky quietly slunk off into another section of the restaurant. She shook off the brief tremors that were still going through her body, trying her hardest to blot out the things she didn't want to think about. It was still going to be fun to see what made this place tick!

Seconds later, Kangaskhan propped her up on a moving cart against the counter.

"Don't get too rowdy, okay?" Kangaskhan told Tricky. "I won't have accidents in my restaurant. You're my waitress for the night. Just take everymon's orders and bring them to Houndoom in the kitchens. He'll take it from there. You can start with this one: 'One Mago berry drink, fermented.' Got it?"

Tricky grinned and nodded so vigorously it made Kangaskhan look a little unsettled. "Alright then. Go!"

Tricky hopped down from the cart and sprinted into the kitchens, where a houndoom was searing something in a pan with his fire breath. Awesome.

"Oi!" He paused the flame to look over and snap at Tricky. "No kits in the kitchen!"

"But I'm the waitress!" Tricky announced proudly. "Also, I have all your orders, so you don't wanna kick me out."

Houndoom raised an eyebrow, taking a second to continue simmering the dish again. "Let's see them, then."

Tricky cleared her throat. "One Mago Berry—"

"No, not like that!" Houndoom snapped. "You're supposed to write them down first!" he went back to simmering the dish full force, irritably ordering Tricky out with a flick of his wiry tail. Tricky was gone faster than a speeding Thunderbolt.

The normal waiter was an inkay, so there was no ink anywhere around the Café Connection to write with. But Tricky found a fix for that. Oran berries were kind of like ink, and yes, she had used up like ten of them, and nibbled a few when Kangaskhan wasn't looking, but now she had something to write with!

Mystery Dungeoneering Life Hacks, written by Wartortle of Pokemon Plaza. Tricky swore by it.

It was just a problem of remembering everything long enough to get it all down on paper, and hoping that Houndoom wouldn't chew her out for misspelling a little something here and there.

Tricky scooted the moving cart over to the last pokemon currently in the café she hadn't taken the order of yet, trying to get a good look at the pokemon who was obscured behind the giant menu.

"Can I get your order?" she asked cheerily.

"A plate of the vegetable pasta, please." Ampharos set down the menu, clearing his throat politely. "And a raspberry sorbet—those always have been my guilty pleasure, I'm afraid…"

Tricky's eyes practically bugged out of her head. She fought herself to keep it down.

"No. Way!" she exclaimed, barely keeping her voice down to an excited hiss. "You're Ampharos! We totally met in the village square a few months ago!"

"That we did." Ampharos folded the menu and set it aside. "I must say, I was looking forward to meeting the two of you again. Where's your friend?"

"You mean Espurr?" Tricky tilted her head. "She's out somewhere else…"

"How unfortunate." Ampharos lowered his head, looking pensive. He brushed his green cloak back.

"See," he continued. "After our chance meeting, I got in touch with a close friend in the Expedition Society. They pulled some strings with the top brass, and brought into my possession a pair of Junior Memberships."

Tricky's eyes widened and sparkled. There was— But— He—

Ampharos sighed theatrically. "I was going to gift them to the two of you, but presenting them with only one of you around… that just won't do! It'll have to wait until I can meet you both."

Tricky almost yipped for joy with excitement! Her dream was finally coming true and she couldn't believe it! She just stopped herself from throwing a joy tantrum in the middle of the restaurant, instead taking a deep breath and asking Ampharos the world's most important question—

"Whencanwemeet? I know this really good place and it's quiet and there's a nice view and, and…"

Her throat was catching on her excited breath. She was so worked up she couldn't even spit the final words out.

"Hmm…" Ampharos thought on it. "How about… in a couple of weeks? I hear that's when your schooldays end. I'll be waiting for you near that big old tree with the fort."

"That's exactly where I was thinking!" Tricky excitedly slammed her paws on the counter before the yellow pokemon could say another word, scooting the moving cart closer as she balanced between them. How did he know?

"Now…" her ears pinned back as she tried very hard to think. "What was that order again? I… kinda forgot."


~\({O})/~

Music of the Week!

The Stone/Norwegian Ridgeback - John Williams
 
Last edited:

Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Location
Residency hell
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. dreepy
  6. mewtwo-ambyssin
Okay, yeah, I can see the very "Harry goes to Diagon Alley" vibes of this chapter. I mean, you're linking HP music at the end of the chapter but for me my go to for clearly British set pieces is now the Great Ace Attorney. This is Ampharos' theme; I accept no counterarguments.

I would say that this is mostly a worldbuilding chapter. Not much happening that advances the main story but serves to greatly expand the starting locale of Super. And, of course, introduce more of the obstructive bureaucrat side of things. I can only imagine the Expedition Society in this universe is one that has a sort of love-hate relationship with the government here. Not enough is shown of your version of Ampharos for me to tell whether you are going to make him some sort of Agent Peacock or Cloud Cuckoolander in the vein of the games or if he's being repurposed into a more serious character to fit the overall more serious tone of the fic.

It'll be curious to see if Espurr does draw a connection between Dark Matter and Bittercold.

hsets://con.gov.nebyllin/geography/provinces/south-ophria/8675364
I mean I guess when Super had PokéFacebook giving this version of it the internet isn't that much of a leap.
SOMEONE DIES AND WE GO SHOPPING
As one does. For funeral clothes, of course.
She felt the wind touch her nose
Seems a bit weird to say this when you already said the breeze woke her up.
"This one's a proper town,"
"As opposed to them improper towns."
Audino gave her a small blue ribbon that went in a bow neatly atop her head
Congrats, Espurr, you're a proper isekai'd PMD protag now.
Marshtomp didn't respond with anything but a grunt.
Damn, Swampert's such a stick in the mud he devolved for a minute. :sadbees:
how had no-one slipped off and fallen into the ocean before?
I firmly expect this to happen to someone in this fic in the future. Bonus points if it's Espurr who I'm getting the sense cannot swim...
in light of your school's recent performance and your hosting of the regional cup, we're going to be increasing surveillance at Serenity Village.
Big Brother is watchiiiiiing~
Finally, a library!
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD! :screm:
Teleporting for Dummies
This one seems useful for Espurr.
she switched into 'walk away and look inconspicuous' mode
Kinda hard to do when your species is known for constantly having a thousand-yard stare.
of a blue otter and a yellow mouse standing at the edge of a cliff
Espy 🤝 Amby
Pikachu as one of the Gates heroes in their PMD worlds
And then seventy years ago, the most dangerous blizzard ever engulfed the world. It was caused by the Bittercold!
That is quite the time skip. And they're still alive? But that'd make them crotchety old geezers, right? 🤔
 
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