Corrupt A Wish!

[FauxFox]

Welcome to Corrupt A Wish!

I noticed that while there was a mention of it in the forum's description, but no actual thread for it, so I made one myself.
The rules of the game are fairly simple: You read the wish of the person above you, try to corrupt it to make it lead to a somewhat negative outcome. You also end the reply with a wish of your own, which the next person will try to corrupt, and the cycle continues.

Example:
The first person, "Person A" will make a post saying something like:
"I wish they would announce the release date of Hollow Knight Silksong"

Then "Person B" would reply with something like:
"Granted, but it will be well after the end of your natural lifespan.
I wish for a copy of every single Pokemon Game."

Then "Person C" would reply with:
"Granted, but the consoles are not included.
I wish to go to London."

And it just keeps going.

To get the ball rolling, I'll start:

I wish I had a time machine.

 

[K_S]

you get one but you can't control it, a sadist on the other side does.

I wish for some nice seafood.

 

[Mirage]

I wish for some nice seafood.

Granted! You receive a can of high quality Surströmming, a traditional Swedish delicacy. It's considered one of the worst smelling foods known to man, with many people vomiting after catching just a whiff of the scent. Hope you have a strong stomach!

My wish: I wish I earned twice as much money as I do now.

 

[K_S]

well as today isn't pay day you shall get double... of nothing. congrats.

i wish to snuggle a cat.

 

[FauxFox]

i wish to snuggle a cat.

Granted, but the cat is a baby tiger who's mom is going to return in about 20 seconds.

I wish I didn't need sleep to function.

 

[K_S]

(I name him hobs for maximum irony before being killed by mama cat)

Granted. You funtion at about 10% braincells but youre up and breathing so youre technically funtional.

i wish my laundry would do itself.

 

[Mirage]

i wish my laundry would do itself.

Very well, your laundry washes and dries itself... but always with the wrong settings! Heavily soiled items are underwashed, delicates are torn apart, darks mix with whites. You'll never again have properly laundered clothes.

I wish that I never get sick.

 

[FauxFox]

I wish that I never get sick.

Granted! You body is now immune to all illness, but has developed allergies to most types of grasses, trees, and furred creatures due to the change in what your immune system protects against.

I wish I was more athletic.

 

[K_S]

You are more athletic... But the gear you use to be athletic is jynxed to work against you. Jumo ropes tangle. Running shoes book it when you try to get them on. Saftey gear becomes oiled and sloghs off just when its needed.

I would like a million $ please and make it snappy.

 

[FauxFox]

I would like a million $ please and make it snappy.

Granted. However, half of the million $ have a very bad attitude, and get upset when you do or don’t spend them, making snide remarks. The other half is capable of snapping, and does so constantly, annoying both those around you and the first half of the million.

I wish I was able to understand every language.

 

[K_S]

(Nice one!)

Congrats i'll raise you one better you are a omniglot... Dead... Modern... All linguistics is at your command.. Except when you need to comunicate with. Anyone you use the wrong language.
Need spanish, sorry speaking chinese! Arabic? Sorry icelandic today.

I'd like to try that icecream place at harry potters... The one with 1million flavors... Unlimited gift card too please.

 

[FauxFox]

I'd like to try that icecream place at harry potters... The one with 1million flavors... Unlimited gift card too please.

¿Florean's? Por supuesto. Pero una vez que estés dentro, no podrás salir hasta que tengas un poco de cada sabor, y al menos una compra debe ser en efectivo para usar la tarjeta de regalo.

Spoiler: English Translation

Florean's? Of course. But once you're in, you won't be able to leave until you have a little of each flavor, and at least one purchase must be cash to use the gift card.

I wish I had three of every Yu-Gi-Oh card.

 

[K_S]

You recieve nine cards in every language with a written alphabet (even fictional ones)
when translated phonically and put in the right sequence the spell. Yu Gi Oh. So wish granted.

I'd like no rain today.

 

[FauxFox]

I'd like no rain today.

Granted. Instead of rain, you get a blizzard that will last for 6 hours.

I wish I had markers that never dry out.

 

[Flyg0n]

You have a set that never dries out with many wonderful colors but you lose them all the time and never find the color you need.

I wish I had a wallet that spawned a thousand dollars in it every day.

 

[Mirage]

I wish I had a wallet that spawned a thousand dollars in it every day.

Granted! You have trouble sleeping that night, giddy as you think about what you're going to spend your first $1000 on. A new computer? A relaxing vacation? Start saving up for that down payment on a house?

Morning comes, and you eagerly look inside your wallet. Indeed, 1000 individual dollars come spilling out, all over the floor. 1000... Zimbabwean... dollars. Confused, you look up the exchange rate to USD, and discover that $1000 ZWD are worth about $2.50 USD. The transportation expense and time spent traveling to the bank to deposit them ends up costing you more than you ever make from the wallet.

I wish that I never have to fly on a plane with a screaming baby again.

 

[K_S]

granted, but now every movie theater is jammed with kids crying like Mufasa just died... each food joint has at least 5 yowlers melting down because "they don't want it"..

because of yon blizzards, I wish for a snowman army.

 

[FauxFox]

because of yon blizzards, I wish for a snowman army.

付与された！しかし、雪だるま軍はあなたに忠実ではなく、むしろ積極的にあなたを追い詰めています。

Spoiler: English Translation

Granted! However, the Snowman Army is not loyal to you, but rather is actively hunting you down.

Rwyf am i'm grŵp D&D a minnau roi'r gorau i wrthdaro amserlennu fel y gallwn barhau â'n hymgyrch o'r diwedd.

Spoiler: English Translation

I want my D&D group and I to stop scheduling conflicts so we can finally continue our campaign.

 

[K_S]

Every dnd meeting scheduled goes without a hitch. Bonus points they usually come early! however, every other scheduled event falls through.

I'd like a 3ds w infinite charge and full eshop capacity, please.

 

[FauxFox]

I'd like a 3ds w infinite charge and full eshop capacity, please.

Granted, but it cannot connect to Wi-Fi. (Honestly, this one hurts me too)

I wish for the time and motivation to do everything that I need to do.