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Look at you, being so sneaky and casually dropping another new chapter so soon after the last one?? I wasn’t prepared for this—but I’m not complaining! ;)
Nothing back home would have changed, not in the ways that mattered. But maybe for once that wouldn't be the worst thing. Mark imagined Kathy playing onstage, Mom reading aloud from a book of poetry, the three of them squeezing past each other to get around the tiny kitchen …. His chest ached, but he smiled.
You capture the heartbreak and nostalgia so well. Mark is out here trying to fix the world because his homeland is such a mess...but at the end of the day, he’s only human, he’s tired, and he just wants a break with his family.
Montag nodded slowly, as if digesting new information. "You were supposed to make sure your teams teleported out safely when the fight became untenable."
You’re AMAZING at letting Mark’s doubts shine with little sentences like this. It’s so effective without being too on the nose or going into exposition. Don’t mind me, I’m just...*scribbles more and more notes*
Montag really grinds my gears, man. Like he just seems so high and mighty and above it all. He’s got nerve to not fill in his admins on what the plan actually is, and then turn around and be upset/disappointed that the operation didn’t go perfectly, EVEN when Mark had a perfectly understandable reason. (They didn’t exactly plan for Steven to show up, now, did they??)
It’s just. UGH. Classic gaslighting and I kind of want to punch him. Granted, Archie isn’t much better (he just sat and watched his sister potentially lose one of her Pokémon over a drunken squabble?!) but Montag especially rubs me the wrong way.
Oh man. Love that these sentences shrink down in scope until it hits the smallest impact, yet the one that is most personal to Mark. They’re all awful, yet that last one hits especially when you know the relationship he has with his family.
"They turn it into an opportunity." He gave that a moment to sink in before continuing, "They'll carry on with business as usual for as long as it's profitable. Ecosystems will crumble and countless pokemon will die, but why should that matter to them? Devon will see to it that no species goes extinct … so long as someone is willing to pay the right price."
Hmmm, DevCo is shady AF but this sounds pretty far-fetched, even for them. And tbh I don’t trust anything Montag has to say at this point, what with his gaslighting and conveniently leaving out vital information when it benefits him. Sounds like a lie he spun up just to keep Mark on his side.
"He thinks he's going to bring the ocean back to life. Idiot." The vein at Montag's temple pulsed, the claydol's lights bringing it out in sharp relief. "I told him it would be grossly irresponsible, but he never learned to listen to reason."
For a long moment, Montag didn't speak, and this time Mark didn't dare interrupt. He'd never seen Montag quite like this before.
At last, Montag started again, "It's completely untested. There's no telling how it'll affect ocean chemistry. It might do nothing at all … or it could accelerate ocean acidification and decrease carbon uptake. It could even cause toxic algae blooms and poison the entire ocean."
Yeah, that sounded like an ORCA plan.
"There's no oversight," Montag continued grimly. "No one to flip the switch but them. They could pollute hundreds of miles of ocean before any news outlet or research institute catches word of it."
“How dare they pollute the ocean and he so reckless!” he says, after blowing up a freaking pipeline and causing a massive oil spill just days (weeks?) earlier. The lack of self-awareness makes this fic HIGHLY entertaining to read, lololol. Nobody has any of it, except maybe Mark, and even then, it’s like...1/8th of a teaspoon.
Hold on. Now Montag cared about water pollution? Why had Ridge Access been different? Grimer were still spreading inland. The spill's publicity hadn't stopped that.
Mark shook his head, trying to clear it. He'd called Montag to get answers—about MetFalls, about the pipeline—but somehow now they were talking about ORCA. It was always like that, Mark realized in a sudden, cynical flash. A conversation with Montag wasn't an exchange; he steered it where he wanted. He always had to be in control.
Mark let out a slow breath, rubbing his hands over his face. He couldn't keep doing this shit. He couldn't keep putting off going home. Mom probably had twenty tabs open on her clunky old computer, trying to find him the best deals for the flight. And he probably had a voicemail from Kathy waiting in his pocket right now.
Love the very specific details mentioned here that show just how homesick he is, how much his family loves and misses him, and how badly he needs a break.
He felt Montag's pointed stare, but instead of meeting it, he craned his neck to stare up at the sky. Airplanes drifted past, but there were no stars; the sky was purple-gray with light pollution. Just like home.
"I'm in," he said at last. But not for you—for Hoenn.
Part of me really just wants Mark to walk away, buuuut then we wouldn’t have any guarantees of him running into our favorite Little Red later! Can’t have it all, I suppose ;) and thus, the drama continuuuuuues haha
Ahhh, this is so nice to hear. :D Your reviews are always fun to read, so even stevens? Glad to hear this one feels fun, though. I stress out about Natalie becoming frustrating, and I also had a lot of trouble with this chapter, so I'm glad the end result is ... good!
!!! This! This is what I love so much about pokefic. Sure, you got humans and some of the same shenanigans you see irl, but then you have...super-powered animals just chilling everywhere! With minds and personalities of their own! LOVE.
*furiously scribbles notes*
Okay. It’s fine. It’s not like I’m INSANELY IN LOVE with your scene-setting skills or anything. Not at all.
*scribbles more notes*
Ahaha, funny enough ...! Usually, scene-setting comes more naturally to me than other kinds of writing (like dialogue, which is often like pulling teeth oh my fucking god), but it was tough in this chapter. I was having trouble wrapping my head around this boat. (Cue me sending Kint, Pen, and Pano the same photo of a freighter and asking a series of frenzied, speculative questions about rails and OSHA.) So, I jumped into this by just listing things Natalie might be able to smell and see, then cobbled it together into a paragraph. Not a bad first step if you're having trouble with it!
Side note, but it seems like your hc is that toxic pokemon like Grimer contribute to pollution, correct? As opposed to other hcs I’ve seen where grimer can be used to clean up pollution. Tbh, your version makes more sense, but boy would it be convenient if it worked the other way, lol.
Yes! They cheerfully eat things like chemical spills and sewage and oil ... but then they get bigger and breed faster, and unfortunately they are also toxic themselves. Canonically, Alolan grimer and muk are used for chemical cleanup, but I've got a few problems with that.
1) Again, they are still poison-types made of sentient sludge. I eyebrow raise at feeding them having zero consequence, lol.
2) It sure would be lovely if it worked out that way! And I think that's part of why I immediately distrust it. The pokemon world canonically has some of the exact same human-caused environmental problems as our world--several pokemon species based on pollution, at least three coal mines, a refinery--and I find it really empty when the solution requires no changes to behavior or policy. And a little dangerous, too. Like, our world has lots of technological solutions to climate change ... but all the barriers to implementing them are socio-political.
I'm sure pokemon could help with lots of problems! (Disaster relief comes to mind!) But I think that wide-reaching, structural problems that are caused by humans aren't going to be fixed unless those behaviors change.
You're not dumb, it's just complicated and not deeply explained. There's no submarine here and I'm not expecting one in the future, but they are using it to make their stolen DevCo tech work on the ship/in the water:
She didn't know the specifics of what Zinfandel taken from the shipyard, but she could imagine they designed all kinds of ship-mounted rigs and underwater turbines—or whatever ORCA had needed to run DevCo's machinery in the middle of the ocean.
ORCA spends every day trying to clean up the oceans, but get so caught up in their celebration, nobody notices the little can that falls into the sea and becomes the very pollution they seek to destroy. Symbolic of their plans backfiring and causing more harm than healing to the environment, perhaps?
Me: This fight has to hinge on the fact that Natalie needs to remove the starmie but Luna has to leave her side to do it. Also me: Oh, shit, Luna already used crunch from a distance in Chapter 2 because I didn't know how else to justify her biting an actual rock without breaking teeth. Me: Uhhhhhh sflsdkjfklsdf
Archie and Maxie in canon look like total buffoons with their plans, but you’re writing them in a way that makes it seem so much more believable. Still crazy, mind you, but at least I can believe why they’re so passionate about it and why they think it will actually help the world.
Yay, that's the goal! A good chunk of this project is my interest in changing Aqua and Magma from strawmen into something that's sympathetic if not actually wise. Like, clearly something was wrong in Hoenn before they started causing trouble. Gangs and civil unrest never manifest out of thin air.
Haha, yeah I managed to hold onto it for about a week and a half before I got impatient. I finished these two (and moooost of the next one) all in one sitting, so they were done at the same time. Turns out I did, in fact, meet my goal of chapter per month, but I accidentally wrote them out of order.
Yyyup. I like the idea, that for Mark, reading about our crisis would be a break. 🤣
I don't really have a HC for pokerus! I'd write it as a virus--like, it would not be a cool, helpful thing in my settings--but I also don't plan to bring it up in any real way, so I haven't thought about it much.
You capture the heartbreak and nostalgia so well. Mark is out here trying to fix the world because his homeland is such a mess...but at the end of the day, he’s only human, he’s tired, and he just wants a break with his family.
Montag really grinds my gears, man. Like he just seems so high and mighty and above it all. He’s got nerve to not fill in his admins on what the plan actually is, and then turn around and be upset/disappointed that the operation didn’t go perfectly, EVEN when Mark had a perfectly understandable reason. (They didn’t exactly plan for Steven to show up, now, did they??)
I don't think Montag is mad that things didn't go perfectly--he's mad that Mark broke from the plan and did his own thing instead of following orders. I think Montag also hoped Steven would show up so that he wouldn't be in Rustboro to thwart their real plan. Magma is a little militarized in the way it handles information. If you need to know, you'll know. If you don't, too bad. Which, yeah, sucks. Montag is not a nice person.
Hmmm, DevCo is shady AF but this sounds pretty far-fetched, even for them. And tbh I don’t trust anything Montag has to say at this point, what with his gaslighting and conveniently leaving out vital information when it benefits him. Sounds like a lie he spun up just to keep Mark on his side.
I think it's valid to question how real this is from DevCo's perspective, but this is definitely what Montag believes to be true; he doesn't need to tell Mark this to keep him on his side. Mark already hates DevCo, and thinking that ORCA is in the wrong is enough for him to want to take a swing at them.
The spiciest!! I'm sure we'll get into it eventually. Pen has even suggested a backstory fic about them, which is super tempting. A one- to three-shot or something. We'll see! It depends how naturally and how thoroughly that information trickles through here.
“How dare they pollute the ocean and he so reckless!” he says, after blowing up a freaking pipeline and causing a massive oil spill just days (weeks?) earlier. The lack of self-awareness makes this fic HIGHLY entertaining to read, lololol. Nobody has any of it, except maybe Mark, and even then, it’s like...1/8th of a teaspoon.
I don't think Montag is unaware of the contradiction, he just thinks it's okay when he does it because it's tactical and purposeful. So, still a lack of self-awareness, but maybe a different flavor. But, yeah, leadership for Magma and ORCA is pretty hypocritical from top to bottom!
Part of me really just wants Mark to walk away, buuuut then we wouldn’t have any guarantees of him running into our favorite Little Red later! Can’t have it all, I suppose ;) and thus, the drama continuuuuuues haha
Yeah, it's tough because I think both are very real pulls for him. And in both cases, he's motivated by guilt! Guilt at ditching his family and home vs. guilt for having done a terrible thing he no longer agrees with and guilt at the idea of walking away and letting it become someone else's problem.
But yeah, he's contractually obligated to fight with Natalie some more and then some other stuff, so he can't go home.
I do also think it's easier to be swayed by the thing that's right in front of your face than by the thing that's thousands of miles away. He's been tangled in this for four years, and leaving isn't the casual affair he'd like it to be. Plus, as Pen wisely point out, our boy doesn't have a very good track record for picking the easy, healthy thing anyway. He sees himself as a soldier, and he wants to fight.
Boy how time flies, it's been...a while since my last review in general and since I last read something in general. Life sucks sometimes, ya know.
Also, I just realized you added a new chapter so uh...this review is for chapter 14 specifically, sorry.
But anyways, I'm glad that I was able to read this chapter and it was honestly a very fun read all things considered. I have to highlight the way you wrote the character interactions. I, as a guy that's still pretty socially awkward and isn't exactly the life of the party, consider that writing out parties and drunk characters can be very delicate, as it can very easily come off as weird or tryhard and just end up throwing things off. But I think it works well here because you kind of encompass the feeling of going to a huge party and all the different stages and how people act as the night goes on, we don't see this just with Natalie but with the other characters as well.
Also the title of the chapter is super fitting considering that...literally everything in the chapter revolves around booze and the party. That's not to say nothing important happens since it essentially acts as a way for Natalie to earn her place among Orca's crew and learn more about Archie's plans. But I can't argue that while I enjoyed everything I read, there are still parts where the chapter maybe went on a little bit long...but I really can't fault you for that either because I can totally relate.
What we do get is really great though, I particularly like the way you went about Archie's drunken explanation of Orca's plan and I think it's an ingenious way of utilizing revival technology in a way that the games wouldn't have thought of. Also, Orca still continues to be, at least a little more well-defined that Magma in my opinion, I feel like I know more about the Orca crew and understand them a bit more than the Magma crew, but maybe that's also down to Natalie's and Mark's different personalities and their place in each group.
Sharpedo Tooth started to shut the cooler when a sealeo sprang up beside him. It thrust its head into the ice, knocking him onto his butt. He held his can straight up in the air, miraculously managing not to spill. He and Natalie exchanged looks of surprise and then burst out laughing.
She helped him to his feet. "I guess that's his now."
And then she was up against the rail again, this time near the prow, beyond the reach of the poker players' voices. The crowd was far enough away that it felt like TV. In the thick of it all, Zinfandel perched atop a speaker, bobbing her head in time to the music. Now and again, a sailor cupped their hands around their mouth to shout up at the porygon, and the song switched. The bass line vibrated through the guardrail at Natalie's back. She couldn't tell if the boat's rocking was because of the choppy waters or the crew's furious dancing. Salt water and alcohol wafted on the chilly air, a hint of diesel underneath. She had started to take the french fry smell of the Riveter for granted; Pearl had explained that the engine was modified to run on recycled cooking oil, collected every few weeks from Slateport restaurants who were happy to support an "environmental nonprofit." Now the smell of diesel on the Motherfucker was jarring
Outside of the interesting thought of Zinfandel being Orca's personal DJ, you paint a pretty clear picture of the atmosphere while also sneaking in some hints of Natalie's thought about the Riveter in one paragraph. I didn't quote it but after this paragraph comes (I think) my second favorite part of the chapter which is where we get a little flashback from Natalie in the form of prose and dialogue snippets of stuff she experienced during the week. It sounds a little weird for me to say it's my second favorite segment, but it's something I've become more aware of and seeing the way in which you did it just had me completely engage with how you mix in dialogue and prose without bogging down the chapter's pacing.
Sharpedo Tooth had his back to the rest of the party. He didn't notice Archie's approach until he clapped a hand on his shoulder and boomed out a cheery, "Jonas!"
"Hey, Captain!" he choked out, paling. "Congrats, again."
"Congrats yourself. We all got a reason to celebrate tonight." He kept grinning, but he didn't let go of Jonas' shoulder. "I think Trent and his boys were looking for you."
I absolutely love how you show Archie's slight over-protectiveness of Natalie here, it doesn't go unnoticed by Natalie but it's still very descriptive without being outward.
They nursed their drinks without speaking, and for once Natalie felt no pressure to fill the space between them with words. Gods, how long had it been since they'd passed time in comfortable silence? Ten years, at least.
He smacked his lips and sighed contentedly. His smile was so easy tonight, more like the Archie who'd taught her how to play checkers than the one who'd scolded her and tried to send her home. "So. You havin' a good time, Small Fry?"
She wasn't having a bad time. "Sure!" she said. "I'm just … getting used to all this."
"Good," he said almost sternly. "You know, we're celebrating partly because of you."
"Me? I thought it was about …." She waved a hand to indicate the entirety of the Motherfucker. She vaguely understood only that ORCA had finally managed to fix something that hadn't been working right.
"Why do you think I sent you to the shipyard?"
She forced lightness into her voice. "I thought you were testing me."
This was my favorite part of the chapter. It's a very simple brother and sister conversation but it does a great job of capturing Natalie's and Archie's relationship. Up until this point we hadn't really gotten to see the two of them interact as just siblings, Natalie always dealt with Archie at arms length and Archie always seemed like he was weary of Natalie (cause he was) but here we see that, partly cause of the alcohol, they can talk like normal siblings for once.
Everyone knew that DevCo guarded the secrets of its fossil reanimation project like holy relics. When the Safari Zone had tried to breed their pair of purchased aurorus without permission, DevCo had sued and won. After that, the company made sure to modify their fossils' genes: buyers could specify any color they wanted, but the pokemon would always be sterile. So she had to be misunderstanding him. ORCA was—well, they were scrappy and brave, but at the end of the day, they were a bunch of pirates on stolen ships. No way could ORCA just—
"Fuck yeah we do," Archie said with a ferocious grin.
Oh my god, actually utilizing a game concept that tends to go ignore for something completely outside of what it was originally created, who would've thunk it
Natalie turned back to the deck with fresh eyes. So, ORCA hadn't been making repairs, not exactly. She didn't know the specifics of what Zinfandel taken from the shipyard, but she could imagine they designed all kinds of ship-mounted rigs and underwater turbines—or whatever ORCA had needed to run DevCo's machinery in the middle of the ocean. Her tiny, fumbling efforts had mattered, and here was the proof.
While maybe Natalie's realization goes a bit to her head later, I do like how you highlight that every little bit counts in situations like this, at the end of the day ORCA is really only as great as the people that make it up, so no task is unnecessary.
Natalie swiveled back around just as Scarlet latched onto Archie's arm, nuzzling her head against his shoulder. "Were you gonna leave me on my own all night?" She lifted her head and—surprise, surprise—cast Natalie a cold look. "Oh. Beebee. Hey."
Then the intercom squealed, making the pirates flinch and stagger. "Heyyy, everyone," a voice crackled over the PA, "breaking news! The Devon data center just fucking blew up!"
"Fuck em all!" echoed a nearby sailor. Someone Natalie didn't know reached to clink cups with Pearl and then her. The toasting continued as she turned, the crowd around her a sea of smiles and hands and cups. Something was drying stickily down Natalie's arm, but she grinned and took a big drink of green punch, the taste sharp and sweet. When Pearl tugged her by the elbow, she followed, laughing.
Suddenly, a group of familiar, grinning faces emerged from the crowd. "There she is!" Cries for Pearl rang out, but Natalie thought she heard her own name, too. Hands pulled and pushed her in among the Roses, spilling more of her drink along the way. "Now we're all here!"
This paragraph does give me that feel of being in a large party surrounded by people, again, it helps in making ORCA come off as a relateable group (still technically terrorists but details)
Natalie made her way below deck without bumping into that many people or tripping on a twistlock. She floated through the hallways, up some stairs and around a corner—and was half-surprised when she found herself suddenly in a bathroom, flopping back against the door as it shut behind her. The second she bent towards the toilet bowl, the contents of her stomach came back up neon green. Then she might've napped there for a minute or two. But when she sat up, she felt much better.
On trembling legs, she rose, turned to face the sink, and splashed water on her face. The hand towel had gone missing, so she wadded up some toilet paper and patted her face dry with that. When she met her reflection's eyes, she giggled. She was doing okay. Nobody had needed to babysit her—nobody even knew!—and now she was feeling totally fine. All she needed to do was find the Roses again.
Something I haven't mentioned yet is that this part of the chapter is actually a little...off for me, it feels like the prose loses a lot of its sense of direction and the pacing gets thrown off. Now, I'm actually not saying this is bad for one reason and that reason is that Natalie is drunk. Whether on purpose or not, it's a very neat thing that the prose would adapt to the state our POV character is in, so it totally makes sense for the audience to be thrown off when Natalie herself is just completely upended.
Luna barked, and the shadows of each pokemon under the floodlight leapt up. She barked again, fur standing on end, and the shadows twisted together to form one enormous, toothy mouth. Natalie grinned as it swept towards Scarlet and her starmie.
Good on you Natalie, now maybe that'll help settle things over with Mark later on when they meet again (?)
Overall, really great chapter. Once more I really like the parallels between Natalie and Mark, in that just as Mark realizes that Magma isn't what he expects it to be, Natalie is becoming more and more part of ORCA.
My mental state lately has not been conducive to writing in-depth reviews (or really anything), but I read chapters 14 and 15 and thought they were pretty fun.
Archie was all like "we're gonna bring the ocean back to life with this new wacky energy source", and then I was like "you know that sounds like the kind of thing that could have negative ecological consequences actually, akin to dumping a bunch of fertilizer into the ocean" and then Montag pointed out exactly that, so points for Montag, I guess.
Anyway, good for Natalie for beating Scarlet. Although, now that I think about it, it's kind of messed up that she agreed to something that could have (and nearly did) cost her Luna. Just, like, out of spite. Does Luna really mean that little to you, Natalie? Of course, it's pretty messed up that they're using pokemon to settle personal grudges at all, but we've already talked about the issue of how pokemon are treated, so I won't harp on that anymore. But this certainly is something that will influence my perception of Natalie's relationship with her pokemon.
I respect Archie's decision not to intervene. Gotta let Natalie fight her own battles.
Also, giving Natalie Gibs is interesting. I wonder if, when she encounters Mark again, she'll be forced to use him as a bargaining chip or something? I don't know, definitely some stuff you could do with that. I also wonder if she will try to interact with Gibs at some point before that. I wonder if she pities him for being stuck in the ball—but then again, maybe he's better off like that for now.
Anyway, there were a lot of nice environmental/scene-setting details on the boat, which was cool.
Montag kind of contrasts nicely with Archie. He has more of a grave persona.
Anyway I think that's all I have right now; I'll have to let you know if any brilliant revelations hit me later.
Y u appologize for not reviewing ... when you're in the middle of reviewing already???? Thanks for making the time! I know you've been pretty busy lately.
But I can't argue that while I enjoyed everything I read, there are still parts where the chapter maybe went on a little bit long...but I really can't fault you for that either because I can totally relate.
It sounds a little weird for me to say it's my second favorite segment, but it's something I've become more aware of and seeing the way in which you did it just had me completely engage with how you mix in dialogue and prose without bogging down the chapter's pacing.
This was my favorite part of the chapter. It's a very simple brother and sister conversation but it does a great job of capturing Natalie's and Archie's relationship. Up until this point we hadn't really gotten to see the two of them interact as just siblings, Natalie always dealt with Archie at arms length and Archie always seemed like he was weary of Natalie (cause he was) but here we see that, partly cause of the alcohol, they can talk like normal siblings for once.
I definitely think that Archie talks to her like more of a person here, for once. For like five minutes. With the help of a lot of alcohol. But at no point does he really show much of an interest in her--he's just talking about himself! And then leaves her to figure her own shit out byeeeee.
Yup! Just like chapters 3-6 are one long day starting with a protest and ending with its aftermath, chapters 12-15 are one long day beginning with a protest and ending with its aftermath.
Something I haven't mentioned yet is that this part of the chapter is actually a little...off for me, it feels like the prose loses a lot of its sense of direction and the pacing gets thrown off. Now, I'm actually not saying this is bad for one reason and that reason is that Natalie is drunk. Whether on purpose or not, it's a very neat thing that the prose would adapt to the state our POV character is in, so it totally makes sense for the audience to be thrown off when Natalie herself is just completely upended.
Once more I really like the parallels between Natalie and Mark, in that just as Mark realizes that Magma isn't what he expects it to be, Natalie is becoming more and more part of ORCA.
Absolutely. Opposites ... and also not. He's just a little further along on the track than she is--he started sooner. And now I've gotta wrangle Nat ...
Although, now that I think about it, it's kind of messed up that she agreed to something that could have (and nearly did) cost her Luna. Just, like, out of spite. Does Luna really mean that little to you, Natalie? Of course, it's pretty messed up that they're using pokemon to settle personal grudges at all, but we've already talked about the issue of how pokemon are treated, so I won't harp on that anymore. But this certainly is something that will influence my perception of Natalie's relationship with her pokemon.
Yeah, totally. I mean, she was very drunk, and I think it took her a minute to really realize what she'd gotten herself into. I'll revisit and see if I can play it up more, but she'd definitely be upset to lose Luna.
Also, giving Natalie Gibs is interesting. I wonder if, when she encounters Mark again, she'll be forced to use him as a bargaining chip or something? I don't know, definitely some stuff you could do with that.
Okay, took a while but I'm back for chapter 15 and boy was this a different beast altogether. I really like how you always draw a contrast between what Natalie is going through to what Mark is going through. While Chapter 14 was long and embodied the feeling of being at a large party with people you're still getting to know, thus carrying an air of awkwardness with it, chapter 15 is calmer, slower and feels a little "distant" but in the sense that Mark is trying to distract himself from what happened in MetFalls. Well, at least until he can't anymore.
I think that what really helps this chapter shine overall is Mark, you told me before that Mark was pretty divisive for people earlier on but I always felt that hurt that's deep down in his character, that feeling of wanting your life to mean something only for your choices to always end up making you feel worse and I think this chapter highlights it even more with how you paint the crossroads he's in. Mark really cares about his family and he's slowly realizing that he wants to be more involved in their lives, but he can't just give up his cause and desire to help, so he ends up in the hands of Montag over and over again.
The talk Mark has with his mom, in particular, is really cute and I like the parallel it draws to his talk with Montag later. With his mom, even though he's still hiding something and trying to not let too much slip, he's still more open and it feels like two people that really care about each other talking to one another. With Montag it's a very clear boss and lackey dynamic and the fact that Mark and Montag are literally sitting at different height levels, very not subtle by the way, drives home how their power dynamic is set up.
Of course I can't enter the line by lines without praising your character dialogue and writing style again, there's just this really natural flow to it where it feels like the chapter almost reads itself, it's very easy to follow and imagine everything but it also isn't bogged down by too much prose. I really enjoyed it.
I've got a few more things to touch on but I'll do it in the line by lines.
"Oh," she sighed, "business as usual here. I've got to weed most of popular fiction today."
The books she culled were usually either donated or sold to pad the library's budget, but when Mark had still been living at home, she'd occasionally left a few battered volumes on the kitchen table for him and Kathy to look through. He'd gotten a lot of his books that way—all of them back home now.
Normally you wouldn't expect a story to delve too deeply on parent's careers, and I really liked that Mark's mom is a librarian and how you color Mark's experience with her work and how that influenced his life. It's brief but really effective in painting his relationship with his mom.
He understood that stuck had never only been about Virbank. It was the reason she'd made sure there'd been a box of condoms in his bedside drawer long before he started dating. It was the reason Dad had sent the package from Driftveil with a note that read, This is your ticket to go anywhere you want. You can even visit me sometime! And under that, a pokeball for each of them. Kathy had taken the lillipup and Mark had taken—
Damn, sounds like his parents really wanted Mark to experience life in their own way, tho the thing with the condoms made me laugh lol. It's still interesting how that's changed with the years now that Mark's older and has been away for a long time, that his mom wants him to settle down I mean. I think it's pretty normal for a lot of parents though, like of course she'd want her kids to discover themselves but spending too much time discovering yourself can also lead to you being stuck in its special kind of way.
Over Castelia Cones, she'd explained what she knew about protests and police: how to avoid being kettled, what to do if he breathed in sleep powder, why he should never ever fight a cop, whether with a pokemon or his own fists. "You're a minor, so your record will be wiped when you come of age. But it'll be different when you're an adult. You need to understand that."
Sounds like Mark's mom went through her own protesting phase, well at least that's what I think this paragraph implies. Still it's really cool how she taught him all that, she probably figured he'd just keep doing it anyway. Again I really like how you highlight and give us more information on their relationship here.
Unova was prettiest around Solstice, when the snow lay smoothly over the streets like the trash and potholes underneath had never been there at all. Nothing back home would have changed, not in the ways that mattered. But maybe for once that wouldn't be the worst thing. Mark imagined Kathy playing onstage, Mom reading aloud from a book of poetry, the three of them squeezing past each other to get around the tiny kitchen …. His chest ached, but he smiled.
Here Mark arrives at a very interesting crossroads. Sure, Virbank hasn't probably changed much, especially not how he would want it to change. But right now after everything he's been through he does kind of need a little taste of home, if only to get his mind together and feel like he's in a place where he truly belongs and he can feel safe. Because at the end of the day it still feels like Magma is an organization where everyone isn't quite as tight knit as they might seem.
From up here, Mauville was pretty, actually. The soft path lights were set among the flower beds, turning both the strolling couples and the trees into silhouettes, the high rises luminous beyond them. Improbable glass sculptures speared up through the foliage, pulsing pink and then blue. Below the walkway, traffic still hissed and honked, but Gracidea Park felt removed and sheltered. Mark couldn't resist pausing at the railing to take in the cool air and the scent of night-blooming jasmine—but only for a moment. Time was short.
Montag hadn't named a specific meeting point, just Gracidea Park, thirty minutes. It was safer that way, of course, but it was also inconvenient: the park was over a mile long, changing elevation to skim the roofs of buildings or to dip for street-level access. Mark had little choice but to start at one end and continue down, Ore bobbing alongside him. He walked unhurriedly but not too slowly, trying not to look like he was looking for someone.
The longer he walked, the more disenchanted he became. All he could think about was the amount of water it must take to maintain such a lush space in the middle of the high fucking desert. Mauville was the opposite of Nimbasa in that way, actually: Mauville was pumping water into the desert, but Unova's desert had spread as the cotton boom sucked water out of the grasslands. He wondered what withered so Mauville could flourish.
I really loved these paragraphs. I feel like painting surroundings in a way that doesn't grow excessive or unnecessary is really hard but you paint a really great picture of the park that carries its beauty through while also showing us how that very beauty is part of the problem that Mark is trying to fight against.
Mark sifted through the morning's events, trying to pinpoint when everything had unraveled. He should've prepared an answer—he'd known this was coming. Finally, he said, "Stone's metagross. Blew out the radios and screwed with Ore, too."
Again, really like how tense this conversation feels. All it takes for Mark's bravado and rage to be condensed is a few words from Montag that remind him where he truly stands. Of course he still has all that in him, but he realizes he can't just spit it out like he wants to.
He raised an eyebrow, silently offering Mark space to cut in. When he made no move to speak, Montag began again. "Now, the data center. That's an expensive problem. Surely there are some built-in redundancies—maybe their Unova and Kanto offices have backups. Maybe Jimmy in Public Relations has some of it on his hard drive. Maybe some of it is even in a filing cabinet somewhere. With time, they could likely recover most of their data. However, their more … sensitive projects …." He shook his head and clucked his tongue. "More copies mean more risk of theft or exposure. I imagine their fossil research was quite centralized."
I've mentioned it in other reviews but it's interesting how Magma and Orca differ in their methods and what they emphasize more. Montag's way of looking at things is more practical, here it kind of feels like he's more concerned with hurting Devon than helping Hoenn, two different things really. That's not to say Orca wouldn't like to see Devon go down either but for them it feels more like trying to make them look worse while for Montag is more a case of wanting to cut off their legs.
"They turn it into an opportunity." He gave that a moment to sink in before continuing, "They'll carry on with business as usual for as long as it's profitable. Ecosystems will crumble and countless pokemon will die, but why should that matter to them? Devon will see to it that no species goes extinct … so long as someone is willing to pay the right price."
At last, Montag started again, "It's completely untested. There's no telling how it'll affect ocean chemistry. It might do nothing at all … or it could accelerate ocean acidification and decrease carbon uptake. It could even cause toxic algae blooms and poison the entire ocean."
I just love how Montag manages to completely spin the situation around to the point that he's having Mark do his bidding again, by keeping him focused on Orca rather than Devon. It makes sense, Mark will obviously pick the lesser of two evils and having him dealing with Orca will let Montag make sure Mark doesn't just up and betray him, at least not until he figures out how willing he is of doing so.
Mark shook his head, trying to clear it. He'd called Montag to get answers—about MetFalls, about the pipeline—but somehow now they were talking about ORCA. It was always like that, Mark realized in a sudden, cynical flash. A conversation with Montag wasn't an exchange; he steered it where he wanted. He always had to be in control.
Gods, maybe ORCA was reassuring itself in the exact same way right now.
What might happen if Mark just packed up and left when he knew ORCA was playing mad scientist with DevCo shit? Choosing to do nothing was still doing something, and it wouldn't absolve him of anything. If he knew, he was responsible.
Mark no! You were so clooooseee. I still love how he ends up falling back on his slight hero complex like he's going to be the one to stop Orca and all of that. I get where he's coming from, it's just kind of funny.
The chain clanked as the anchor lowered, counting down link by link to the start of Natalie's first real mission. With a flutter in her belly, she peered over the rail and shaded her eyes. There was little to see but the sparkle of sun on the water and, farther out, the frothing waves that marked the Huntail's Teeth. "So we really think there's an entire DevCo ship down there?"
Pearl leaned against the railing beside her, but most of her attention went to sectioning her ponytail with a dozen colorful hairbands to keep it from tangling underwater. Through teeth clamped around an elastic band, she said, "That's what it looked like on the radar." She paused, taking the hairband from her mouth and stretching as wide as it would go. "Buuut … plenty of ships have wrecked here over the years, so there's no way to know what's really down there until we take a look around."
Natalie frowned, thinking of Devon Hudson rising triumphant from the wreckage of the Slateport oil spill all those years ago. "Why would they just leave it? Seems like they'd want it back."
"After it's totally sunk? No way. Might as well buy a new one at that point." Pearl snapped her last elastic into place, then swung her stiff ponytail behind her. "Joe Stone basically wipes his ass with hundred dollar bills, so what's another boat, right?"
Natalie wondered if Dad had built its replacement. How many of their ships had he helped build? Probably even he didn't know—he only ever handled a few parts at a time, and there was no way to itemize which portions of his paycheck flowed from DevCo's pockets. Natalie wasn't living under his roof or eating his groceries now, but she'd still left home in sneakers bought at least in part with DevCo dollars. She imagined an oily sheen trailing behind her, leading back home.
But what was she going to do, stop talking to him?
Reflexively, she glanced down at her Gear. Dad had already sent a follow-up to his previous email, and Natalie hadn't answered either yet. She'd typed a few lines after dinner last night … but it was hard to concentrate on the Riveter. Pearl had been telling a story nearby, and Natalie had kept stopping to laugh. Then one of the other girls had invited her to spar, and she couldn't say no—she needed the practice. And today the wifi was off again, for security: no data coming in meant no data about their location going out. Dad would have to wait just a little longer.
Pearl cut in, perhaps misinterpreting Natalie's frown, "Don't be nervous."
"I'm not," she said, too quickly and too loudly.
Pearl raised her eyebrow.
Sheepishly, Natalie admitted, "It's just weird to think about going somewhere I can't take my pokemon." None of them could make the dive with her.
She was confident in the water, having taken swimming lessons from age four and diving lessons from age fourteen, but this felt different. She hadn't dived in over a year, and none of the crew knew this site—that was the point. Exploring new territory was part of being a trainer … but she usually had her team with her when she stepped into the unknown.
Not for the first time, she wondered if she'd made a mistake passing up Scarlet's pokemon. A sealeo or a starmie would come in handy right about now. But, no, she didn't actually think either would've accepted orders from her, especially not when Scarlet was around—which was apparently all the time now. It would've been senseless cruelty to take one of them when they'd be no more use to her than the liepard at the bottom of her backpack.
She felt a little bad about that. The lock on the ball made her think the liepard probably hadn't seen the sun since the Rustboro protest, which had been over two weeks ago. Technically, it would be fine in there long past her own lifetime, but … she would never leave one of her own pokemon in its ball for weeks on end. The liepard didn't deserve to be punished just because its trainer was a shitbag. Still, it had been ready to attack her the last time she'd seen it, so she wasn't in a hurry to find out how well it remembered her.
Pearl nudged Natalie in the ribs. "You'll feel better once you hit the water. In fact—" But the rest of that thought never came. Instead she said under her breath, "Buckle up."
Natalie turned to see Shelly striding toward them, her expression all business. Without pause for pleasantries, she said, "Pearl, can you make sure the other girls are gearing up?" Then she slid her gaze to Natalie, a look that said, You stay put.
This had to be about Scarlet.
When Natalie had woken up the afternoon after the party, as they were pulling away from the Motherfucker, she'd been horrified to find Scarlet calmly eating in the Riveter's mess hall. Of course Natalie didn't like it, but she hadn't done anything to her. They hadn't even spoken since the party, silently agreeing to ignore each other.
Pearl snuck a glance at Natalie, then shrugged. "Sure thing, Captain."
With a sinking stomach, Natalie watched her go.
As soon as Pearl was out of earshot, Shelly folded her arms and said, "I need to know you won't cause trouble with Scarlet today."
Natalie crossed her arms, too. Staying out of each other's way would be easy while she was underwa—and then she realized what Shelly was saying. "She's coming on the dive?" She had assumed Scarlet had come aboard to work on the Riveter's engine or something like that, never once considering she might be joining their mission. Her mission.
"Well, she's the one who knows the most about the rig. She'll have the best idea of what else down there is worth bringing up." She waited a moment, watching Natalie's face. "And I don't want a repeat of the other night."
Natalie winced. "I didn't mean—I just drank too much." Thinking about drinking even now made her stomach quaver.
"So did I. So did Pearl. So did a lot of people who didn't get into huge, stupid fights."
Like it had all been Natalie's fault. She scowled down at her shoes, wondering if Scarlet had also gotten this lecture or if it was just her.
"I mean it," Shelly said. "If you don't think you can handle it, I'll pull you from the mission. This is too important."
Natalie snapped her head up, mouth falling open in protest. She hadn't been lugging trash and mucking drains all week for nothing—it was her turn! But saying so would hardly prove she could handle her shit. Instead, she took a deep breath and swallowed her outrage. She wasn't going to let Scarlet take this away from her.
"I can handle it. I won't fight with her."
"And if she gives you an order, will you listen?"
Natalie hung her head. "Yes."
For a long moment, Shelly was quiet. Finally, her frown gave way to a reluctant half-smile. "Then go get your gear."
Natalie let out a breath. "Thanks, Captain."
Shelly waved her away. "Don't keep them waiting."
When Natalie scrambled into the gear room, the other girls were laughing about something, swim fins scattered on the floor around them. Pearl looked up from zipping up the back of another girl's wetsuit and flashed Natalie a grin. "Hey, there you are! Now it's a party."
The other divers called out greetings as they fussed with their straps and buckles. Natalie didn't know all of them well, but she had at least met each of them: Waverly, Marya, and Nerissa. She'd learned which of them snored, who spoke some Kalosian, and who was divorced. Sparring partners, bunkmates. Friends.
And then, from across the narrow room, Natalie met Scarlet's cool gaze. Scarlet pulled her mouth into a tight line and then turned away to adjust her harness.
"So, Red—"
Natalie jerked her gaze back to Pearl.
"—is that a kids' wetsuit or just a women's extra, extra small?"
"Shut up." But she grinned, recognizing what Pearl was trying to do. She turned her back to Scarlet and started to shimmy into her wetsuit, listening for a place to jump into the other girls' conversation.
When each of them had on her wetsuit, mask, and buoyancy compensator device, they all tromped to the swim deck, fins slung over their shoulders. Those who had diving pokemon wore a pokeball or two clipped to her BCD, but the pokemon themselves were already in the water. ORCA's pokemon surrounded the Riveter in one huge, improbable school: piscine, invertebrate, and mammalian species all jumbled together. Most were Hoenn-native, but a lapras's long neck stretched above the rest, and the colorful fronds of shellos and frillish emerged from the waves here and there.
Natalie dangled her legs in the water—warmer than she'd hoped for a fall morning—and watched the other girls gather their pokemon. Marya's wailmer, Queequeg, greeted her with a barrel roll, spraying the closest girls. Waverly had brought bagel pieces to bribe Curacao, her lanturn, and had also attracted an audience of honking pelipper and wingull.
"Get out of here. I don't have anything for you!"
Since her own pokeballs were in her locker, Natalie reached instead to reassure herself of the shaker that hung from her BCD—an underwater bell, more or less. They each had one, but that was all Natalie had, the ability to call others for help.
Something smacked against the boat, and Natalie jumped. A golduck had slapped her webbed claws onto the platform to hoist itself partway out of the water. Bits of seaweed clung to its bill. Its eyes were a shocking red and entirely unfriendly. For a moment, the golduck's mind poked sharply into Natalie's; she bolted upright. It withdrew again with air of boredom.
"Hi to you, too," Natalie said, half-laughing.
But the golduck was already looking past her. Shelly appeared suddenly, reaching to scratch the golduck under the feathered jaw. "Good girl."
"I thought you were staying."
Shelly smiled. "I'm not gonna send you under without a pokemon."
"Oh!" Shelly really was trusting her, then. One of the captain's own pokemon—that was a big deal.
"Natalie, meet Reeva. She'll help clear blockages or scare off any huntail that get too close. If you send your thoughts her way, she'll hear it, but don't be surprised if she doesn't answer."
Hi, Reeva, Natalie tried.
Sure enough, the golduck ignored her and kept nuzzling her head into Shelly's hand.
"Keep an eye on her, okay?"
Natalie wasn't sure if she was talking to her or Reeva.
Shelly gave her golduck a stern look. Then, apparently satisfied, she gave Reeva a final pat and then rocked back on her heels; the golduck slid back into the water. "Alright, ladies. All set?"
Natalie and the other divers made sounds of affirmation. She drew up her neoprene hood and tucked her hair inside, her heartbeat quickening.
Shelly stood. She'd pulled her hair back from her face with a blue bandana, the rest of it streaming behind her like a flag. "I know everyone's hoping to bring something big home to Mom,"—the Motherfucker, she meant—"but safety is the top priority. No stupid shit down there, alright?"
"That's asking a lot, Captain!" someone called out laughingly from the upper deck.
Shelly ignored the outburst. "And don't leave your dive buddies for any reason."
Natalie watched Scarlet from the corner of her eye, the green details of her suit making her easy to spot. Natalie's stomach clenched, and she couldn't be sure whether it was from nerves or Scarlet—maybe it was the same thing. But Shelly's gaze lingered on her, so Natalie sat up straight and kept her head high.
Pearl nudged her side. "I've got your back if you've got mine."
She couldn't quite muster a smile, so she nodded instead.
"Break a leg, ladies. See you when you get back."
The dive team pulled on their fins and fitted their pokemon with harnesses and saddlebags for carrying their findings. Then, two at a time, they faced each other across the swim platform and tipped backward into the water.
Pearl had been right: Natalie's nerves washed away the moment the water closed over her head.
The bird calls and the Roses' good-natured shouts vanished, and a world of new, distorted sounds enfolded her. Pokemon keened, chirped, and churned the water. Her own slow breathing became inescapably loud, bubbles rushing past on each exhalation. The moon-pale underbellies of ORCA's pokemon hung overhead, bumbling around the dark planet of Rosie the Riveter. Around the fringes of the crew's pokemon, sharpedo and carvanha roved in bursts of motion. Natalie's pulse gave a kick at the sight of them, but they paid the divers no mind.
Ahead were the Huntail's Teeth, a cluster of coral-crusted rocks whose five pointed tips pierced the surface at low tide. Only their outlines showed through the cloudy water. What lay on the seafloor around the rocks faded into fuzzy shadows.
In a burst of bubbles, a lanturn barreled past her, Waverly hitching a ride on its harness; Natalie rocked in their wake. Shelly's golduck ripped through the water behind them. So much for keeping an eye on Reeva. Or vice versa. Marya followed without hurry, and Queequeg was even more sluggish, pausing to scoop up a mouthful of plankton. As Natalie watched the wailmer's slow movements, something clipped her from behind. She whirled in time to see a sealeo shooting away. Neither Pearl nor Nerissa had one, so it had to be Zero. Scarlet's.
Natalie didn't turn to look for her, not wanting to give her the satisfaction. Still, when a red light drew up alongside her, she jumped, thinking of Scarlet's starmie. But it was Pearl, flanked not by a starmie but her much smaller staryu. Okay? she signaled.
Natalie watched Scarlet and Nerissa swim past with Vega, the starmie, lighting their way. After a moment, Natalie had to begrudgingly admit to herself that the bump might've been a genuine accident, if only because giving commands was so much harder underwater. Okay, she signaled back.
Pearl motioned, Let's go.
With a few kicks, Natalie glided down into the murky green.
A few curious goldeen swam alongside the dive team for a ways, until they finally lost interest and circled back towards the Riveter. Then there were only the six divers and their pokemon moving through the open water. As they swam closer to the rocks and reef, some of the shadows began to resolve into sunken ships, like buildings rising out of the fog.
The lanturn's lights carved through the gloom, illuminating coral shelves that shone bone-white. At first, Natalie thought it was an optical illusion, a trick of distance and reflected light. The closer they swam to the Teeth, however, the clearer it became that the reef truly had no color, as if something had siphoned it off. Here and there were patches of mottled yellow and bruise-purple, but the rock face was dominated by white. Not one single fish still swam here. Natalie had heard of coral bleaching, but she had never seen it in person before; the size of the damage shocked her.
The divers directed their pokemon to shine light onto the wreckage below, but a flicker of movement on the edge of the reef drew Natalie's eye. A coral crag lifted to reveal a face. Tremulously, the creature rose up on a wispy, translucent body, stretching towards the sunlight—and then snapped shut again when Pearl's staryu drifted too close.
All down the reef, knobs of rock shivered and jostled each other, faces alternately peeking out and ducking away: an entire reef made of cursola. There must've been color here once—sponges, living corsola, horsea, and anemones—but now there were only ghosts.
Natalie clenched her teeth around her regulator. Would her brother's plan bring this reef back to life, too? It seemed unlikely looking at it now … but it was worth a try, wasn't it? Even if this reef never came back, a resurgence of life anywhere in the ocean had to be better than leaving things the way they were.
A metallic sound tore her attention away from the reef. When she looked over, Scarlet was rattling her shaker in one hand and pointing down the slope with the other. The lanturn's spotlight had landed on a freighter that lay upside-down in the sea grass, sunken partway into the mud. Several other boats and fragments littered the area, most of them crawling with more white coral and wooly algae. But nothing grew on the hull of this ship yet, and the text on its side showed clearly: Devon.
Shipping containers spilled like Legos from the side of the cargo ship, loose crates trailing down the slope into even deeper waters. Some of them had even landed among the other wrecks, blocks of color in the reef-smothered debris. The dive team avoided the thickest of the jumble where the containers seemed likely to tumble down on them, instead starting their search with the crates closest to the reef. Scarlet led the way.
Each crate was longer than the Riveter's power boats. Circling with her flashlight, Natalie found places where rust had already eaten holes in the metal, but none large enough for her to see inside. If the crate had been labeled at one point, the paint was gone now.
All around, light shimmered as her teammates' pokemon cut into crates, so Natalie called Reeva with her mind like Shelly had instructed. She knew she'd managed it when she felt Reeva's refusal, like smacking into a wall. There were no actual words in it, but her meaning was unmistakable: No. You come.
Well, there was Reeva keeping an eye on her. Or something. Shelly had warned her, but she still didn't like it. What if there was a real emergency and she needed Reeva to protect her? Would she refuse her then, too?
Natalie couldn't do much except force the team to resurface, and she wouldn't, not for that. Scarlet would never let her live it down. Besides, if Shelly trusted Reeva, Natalie should, too. So she set aside her misgivings and went to the golduck's side.
Orange light flared around Reeva's webbed claws. Her first punch dented the metal, and the second tore through. Then she grabbed the edges of the hole she'd made and peeled the metal back like the lid of an aluminum can. When she finished, Natalie shined her light inside, and the beam caught on piles of something that glittered green. Her heart leapt. What incredible luck to find what they'd come for so quickly.
Natalie reached for her shaker … but as she drew nearer, she realized she'd been mistaken. One of the green lumps lay near the opening Reeva had made. It was glassy, yes, but irregularly shaped, shot through with coppery flecks and distinctly leaf-like fractals. A leaf stone, not an energy gem. Too bad.
She couldn't hold back a laugh—a gush of bubbles—at her own dismissal of a crate full of leaf stones. But here she was. They were valuable, of course; the Roses would probably make a second trip down to collect as many as they could for resale. But a leaf stone couldn't repair an ecosystem.
By the time she flagged the crate with a length of reflective ribbon and turned around, Reeva had already moved to another crate without her. Natalie hesitated, but when she spun to check for the other divers, they had already scattered. They were all still in sight, except for Waverly, who was only visible as the bobbing beam of a flashlight next to her lanturn, but they had gone far further than the radius of several feet that Natalie had expected. Clearly, staying close to your dive buddies meant something different to the Roses than it had to her old diving instructor.
Shaking her head, she swam to join Reeva. They opened containers of dusk stones, copper wire, and already-rusting steel ingots. She flagged the stones to be collected later and left the rest. Crate by crate, they worked their way along the reef edge.
Then Reeva did something strange: instead of punching open the next crate, she clambered on top and hung there like a gargoyle, head lowered and tail swinging. When Natalie came around the corner of the crate, she saw why. The side of the container had already been clawed open with enough force to pucker the roof, ribbons of steel curling outward. It definitely wasn't Reeva's work, and it also didn't look like damage from a fall: the crate had been gutted and emptied. A sharpedo might be able to do that kind of damage, Natalie guessed, but she couldn't imagine why it would.
And somewhere among the crates, something clanked. Metal scraped against metal. A chain rattled.
As Natalie spun, looking for signs of movement, Reeva pushed off from the shipping container. She wheeled like a bird of prey, head swiveling from side to side, the gem on her forehead flashing. But she finally landed once again on the roof of the ruined container, apparently satisfied; Natalie listened hard, but she couldn't pick up even an echo of a sound.
Something shifting in the current, she told herself. Or one of the others knocked something over. But she edged away, already reaching for her shaker to call the rest of the dive team.
Within a few moments, three of the other girls were at her side. She winced to see Scarlet among them, but she pointed them all towards the crate. While Marya, Scarlet, and Pearl investigated the container, Natalie kept a watchful eye all around. But the only thing that moved was Queequeg, butting her shoulder for pets.
Scarlet banged the handle of her dive knife against the crate to catch Natalie's attention. She traced a circle around the edge of the hole: rusty. Whatever had done this was probably already gone, then. Scarlet waved her arms dismissively and started away, her pokemon trailing behind.
Under her mask, Natalie's face warmed with embarrassment. She'd spooked herself so easily … but Scarlet didn't have to be a jerk about it.
Okay? Pearl signaled.
Natalie nodded sheepishly.
Marya pointed to herself and then made an X with her wrists, signaling that she'd found nothing so far. Pearl repeated the gesture and then pointed to the area she had searched. Nothing over there. Together, the three of them paused to check their dive computers and oxygen levels one more time before—Okay? Okay—Pearl and Marya split off towards one section of crates, Natalie and Reeva another.
—
The crates seemed never-ending.
With a sinking heart, Natalie hung onto the corner of the most recently opened container and gazed out on their search area. She was starting to understand why DevCo hadn't come back to reclaim their lost crates. Some of what the dive team had found was already ruined by salt water, including the storage containers themselves. And there were so many. The six of them would hardly be able to make a dent before they started running low on oxygen and had to resurface, and they were only looking. They'd never been able to bring up most of what lay here, even if they wanted to—the Riveter just wasn't equipped for it.
Natalie wasn't complaining. Diving was still a lot more fun than repainting the deck, and the moment of mystery and anticipation before the reveal of each crate's contents was a little like opening Solstice gifts. But the size of the task was still disheartening. They might resurface with nothing to show for their time.
As she looked around, something caught her eye, a heap of debris in the shadow of an older, overgrown shipwreck. She'd noticed it earlier and ignored it, mistaking it for a broken off piece of the ship. Now that she was close enough to make out the dim colors, she realized it was a handful of shipping containers stacked to form a half circle. Weird. What were the odds of that many crates landing together so perfectly and so far from the others? Had someone else been down here dragging crates around?
Reeva lifted her head and turned towards the strange stack of crates. Maybe she'd heard Natalie's thoughts, or maybe she had noticed on her own. For a moment the golduck only hung in the water, lashing her tail.
Weird, right? Natalie focused her thought at Reeva, trying to get a reaction.
The golduck gave no indication that she'd heard Natalie but to kick into a graceful arc toward the stacked crates.
Natalie glanced over her shoulder. A few crate-lengths away, Pearl was briefly silhouetted as her staryu cut open a container with a beam of light. Scarlet and Marya were farther away but still visible, lit intermittently by their pokemon. She couldn't see Waverly or Nerissa at all anymore.
By the time she turned back to Reeva, the golduck had already put several yards between them. She paused to look at Natalie. Disdain and impatience popped into Natalie's head as if they were her own. Then the golduck turned and swam ahead into the gloom, away from the dive team.
If Natalie followed, she would be leaving her dive buddies. At a distance, Natalie could almost mistake Reeva for a human swimmer, but the golduck wasn't carrying spare air or a pressure reader.
She supposed she could join Pearl and her staryu instead, let Reeva scout it out, but there wouldn't be much for her to do: Pearl didn't need her help to shine a flashlight inside a crate. And she hated the idea of Scarlet discovering something big while she twiddled her thumbs. Besides, they weren't going that far away from the others.
So she pushed off from the side of the crate and followed Reeva towards the stacked crates and the sunken ship.
They ascended gradually to approach from above. The crates were stacked three high in most places, the makeshift wall butting against the shipwreck. Natalie wondered again what the point was. Had another salvage crew started to collect the containers and given up partway through?
The wrecked ship looked old, not just because of the thick growth of coral and algae but because of its shape. The Slateport shipyard didn't produce vessels like that anymore. A giant hole split the hull, possibly a "bite" from the Huntail's Teeth.
Nothing moved inside—or anywhere in sight—so she and Reeva descended for a closer look. Reeva led the way, knifing straight down. Natalie followed more slowly, releasing air from her BCD to let herself sink at a safe rate. As she passed the crates, row by row, she swept her flashlight across them. Each had been ripped open like the one she'd seen earlier, and each was empty.
By the time Natalie arrived at the bottom, Reeva was picking over the crates that lay in the sand where the half-wall of crates opened back onto the reef. Most of these were already split-open, too. Blown apart, Natalie caught herself thinking with an involuntary shiver. What the hell happened over here? But Reeva didn't seem bothered, so she pressed on.
Natalie's light caught on a crate to the left that was still mostly whole, unopened but rust-eaten. No, not rust. Something else.
She moved closer, her flashlight beam illuminating a puncture mark near the top edge of the container. The hole wasn't round but stretched, as if the crate had been skewered by a giant fishing hook and pulled. She couldn't think of anything human or otherwise that would do that.
It didn't matter. She wanted to know what was inside.
Reeva, she called.
This time, miraculously, the golduck came without protest. Natalie backed out of the way as Reeva pried back a section of metal to reveal neon green. The heaped stones ranged in size from pocket change to tennis balls, fluorescent in the dim light. No one could mistake these for leaf stones.
The regulator in her mouth made it impossible to smile, but Natalie's heart danced. The others needed to know.
First she had to mark the crate. They each carried an inflatable buoy for this purpose, so they wouldn't lose track of anything important once they surfaced. As she patted herself over for the rolled-up buoy among her various tools, she looked around and realized for the first time that she could no longer see her teammates, not a single dot of distant light. Her insides went cold, but she shook her head and pushed the fear away. All she had to do was mark the location, and then she'd go back, pockets heavy with treasure.
While Reeva made the rounds and opened a few more nearby crates, Natalie inflated the buoy. She clipped its reel of cord to a crate and watched with a full heart as it rose. Then she turned to see what else Reeva had found: two more crates of gems, one of dusky purple and one of black with ultraviolet cores. She wondered if any of the other divers had uncovered any. Probably not three crates!
Eat your heart out, Scarlet.
Natalie scooped up a fistful of gems and crammed them into her hip pouch. She didn't have room for more than a handful of each color—lucky, in a way, because they wouldn't weigh her down too much. Reeva's hip bags would hold more … but she was busy swimming gleeful laps around Natalie.
We're not done yet, Natalie thought at her. Please. Let's just get through this.
Swishing her tail, Reeva drew closer and reluctantly allowed Natalie to fumble with the hip bag zippers. One stuck fast, and she couldn't quite grip it with her gloves. Letting out a frustrated huff of bubbles, she started to pull off one glove—
Without warning, Reeva shoved Natalie aside, bubbles streaming from her beak. The flashlight flew from Natalie's grip.
As she kicked out to right herself, fuming, a shadow fell over her. When she raised her head, rippling green and brown filled her vision. A floating mass of seaweed. She wondered how anything so huge had drifted so close without her noticing it earlier. Something else was off: the current should have carried it over and past them, but instead the enormous seaweed tangle was approaching from inside the half-circle of crates, where the water flow was poorer. She heard the faint jangling like a wind chime before she managed to identify what glinted among the seaweed: cutlery, pieces of steel pipe, a chain with links as thick as her fist.
A partial memory dribbled from the muck of her subconscious. A nature documentary. Then the word: dhelmise. It didn't make sense, but there was nothing else it could be. So what was it doing here?
Onscreen, the dhelmise had been mesmerizing, all rippling green. Up close, it was unsettling. Something that size shouldn't be able to move so quietly. It was also much bigger than she would've expected, so overgrown it was nearly unrecognizable as a pokemon at all. And it was drifting closer. Dhelmise were supposed to be skittish, but this one didn't seem the least bit scared of her or Reeva.
Natalie's throat tightened as she clumsily backed away.
Then with a rapid-fire crank and a whir, something huge and curved dropped from among the seaweed and swung out.
As Reeva moved into its path, the water in front of her crystalized into a light screen—seconds before the dhelmise's anchor smashed into it. Even from feet away, the clang rattled Natalie from head to toe. She and Reeva both tumbled backward, the force pushing them further apart.
The light screen held, but one point of the anchor lodged in it, spiderweb cracks spreading in all directions. The anchor was massive, its shank and arms each at least twice Natalie's height. Every inch that wasn't choked in green slime was instead scabby with coral and rust. The dhelmise made no move to pull it back, eerily still except for the seaweed fronds unfurling all across its body; its chain swayed, creaking.
Slowly, the dhelmise stretched up and out, nearly filling the gap between the stacked crates and the shipwreck. At the center of the tangle, a broken-off ship's helm twisted first one direction and then the other. It reminded Natalie irrationally of a spinning computer cursor.
And then a long strand of seaweed lashed out—not at Reeva, but to the left, at Natalie.
She flailed backward, ungainly in all her gear—
Reeva flicked her light screen away and flung herself at the heart of the dhelmise, raising a fist sheathed in ice. Her blow landed with a muffled thump. The dhelmise contracted, snapping back its seaweed tendril.
Affection surged through Natalie. Shelly's golduck wasn't friendly, but she was fierce.
As if Natalie had urged her on, Reeva struck harder, walloping the mass of seaweed again and again until ice spread where her punches struck. Then, with a pulse of water, she sent the mass flying back.
Its anchor arced high and crashed down in the sand, stirring up silty clouds. For a moment, the dhelmise's shape was still visible, chain pulled taut and fronds flaring. Then the silty murk swallowed it.
Reeva jerked back in distrust—then crashed back down into the sand. Natalie spotted the seaweed vines only as they retracted into the silt clouds. Reeva pushed herself up, shaking her head, and the dhelmise lashed out again.
Natalie couldn't see through the silt how badly the dhelmise was hurt, but red lines seeped across Reeva's chest. In seconds she'd gone from poised to crumpled, head tucked. And Natalie had no idea what else the dhelmise was even capable of. She'd never fought one before—they weren't supposed to live in Hoenn!
She and Reeva couldn't win this fight.
Far later than she should've, Natalie snatched up her shaker in trembling hands and pumped her arm for all it was worth, praying the others would hear. Reeva, we need to get out of—
Something caught her by the leg and yanked. The shaker dropped from her hand, and she hurtled through the muck, blinded. She reached out for Reeva, for anything she could grab onto to stop her forward momentum. But there was only the water rushing past her ears and metal clattering above—and then she passed through the silt to clear waters. The shipwreck loomed overhead, growing nearer by the second. The dhelmise had drawn up its anchor, dragging Natalie behind it like a magikarp on a hook. Back to its lair.
Nearly choking on terror, Natalie yanked her dive knife from its sheath. She strained forward and slashed through the water until her blade connected with something that tore. From somewhere above her came a metallic shriek. All at once, the pressure on her leg released, and she slowed to drifting.
Without hesitation, she twisted around and swam as hard as she could. Green ropes slapped at her, cutting to the skin. She paused only long enough to slice them away and kept kicking.
Not until several crates lay between her and the dhelmise did she slow, breathing heavily and dimly aware that she was guzzling oxygen. The dhelmise was still coming—she couldn't stop here—but where was Reeva? Natalie couldn't leave Shelly's pokemon behind. She whirled, searching, but could barely see a few feet in any direction, the rest lost in the twilit murk. Chunks of green spun out around her, glimmering as they sank in slow motion; she dropped a hand to her hip pouch and felt the hole there. Blood fuzzed the water. And Reeva was nowhere in sight.
At a sharp clank, she turned to see the dhelmsie behind her, suddenly much closer than she'd expected. She flung herself from the crate as the dhlemise swept toward her, seaweed fanning out—but then it drew up short.
Surprised, Natalie froze, too.
The dhelmise's helm spun slowly. Considering. Then it stretched down strands of seaweed and came up clutching a luminescent lump of green. An energy gem dropped from Natalie's pocket.
For the length of a breath, the dhelmise coiled its tendrils into itself and floated motionlessly. Green light rippled across its body and then, with a rattling, the dhelmise stretched taller. Seaweed fountained from between the spokes of its helm, pouring down and down until the new growth dragged in the sand.
Natalie went cold with the realization: it had been gorging itself on energy gems. No wonder the dive team hadn't found any yet.
Then the dhelmise started towards her again, faster this time, churning the water to bubbles.
She swam furiously in the direction she thought she'd come from, panic pushing out thoughts of anything but escape. Then, to the left, a red light cut through the darkness. A swoosh of swim fins. The bubbling of another diver's breathing. Pearl!
A pokemon shot overhead, a cool backdraft washing over Natalie, but she didn't pause to look. She kept kicking, squinting against the light, until she and Pearl caught each other by the arms and the staryu's shield enfolded them. No, wait—starmie. Had it somehow evolved ...? And then Natalie finally got a good look at whose arm she was gripping, the green detailing of her wetsuit and black braids drifting behind her. Not Pearl—Scarlet.
A roar behind her prompted Natalie to spin around. Swift and graceful in his element, Zero circled the dhelmise. A vine slapped across the sealeo's face, and he let out another bellow, the cry of pain becoming a burst of blue light that sliced through vines. With each vine that dropped away, the dhelmise flinched and groaned.
Something swished up from between two crates, and Natalie looked up in time to see Reeva illuminated by Vega's red glow. The golduck darted over and past them—leaving the fight behind. With a pit in her stomach, Natalie watched her fade into the gloom.
Just Natalie and Scarlet now.
Finally, Zero's ice beam struck the dhelmise straight on. It shrieked as seaweed sloughed off its side, exposing its coiled anchor chain. Natalie cheered silently.
But then the dhelmise dropped its chain with alarming speed and swung the anchor like a flail. The first pass missed Zero narrowly, but the second didn't. The anchor caught his side with a thump, sending him flying into the wall of gutted shipping crates. Several tumbled onto him, rumbling and stirring up more silt.
The dhelmise made no visible turn towards her and Scarlet, but Natalie still sensed its attention shift onto them, a chill down her spine. Scarlet tightened her grip on Natalie's arm; she must've felt it, too.
Where the hell were the others?
Natalie hardly had time to finish the thought before the anchor came flying towards them.
For a skull-jangling instant, everything spun. Scarlet's elbow connected with Natalie's head connected with the light screen—but she and Scarlet held tight to each other all through it. Then came another clang, so loud it felt like a hammer blow, and they spun the opposite direction.
When they bobbed upright again, Natalie's ears rang and the water swirled dark with sediment, but Vega's light screen still shone around them. They were okay. The attack had pushed them down the slope, farther from the maw of the dhelmise's lair … but farther from the reef and the others, too.
As the buzzing in Natalie's ears grew louder, like a radio stuck between stations, she realized it was Vega. The light screen pulsed brighter with each crackling burst, until finally the starmie fell quiet.
The silt began to settle, and the dhelmise's silhouette emerged in the middle distance, unmoving except for the gentle undulation of its seaweed cloak. It dragged the anchor back to itself, chain clattering. If the dhelmise couldn't get at them, would it leave them alone? And what about Zero?
Ahead, the water grew darker, as if night had come on suddenly. Natalie's arms prickled with goosebumps despite her wetsuit. Then a ball of violet light dazzled through the darkness, screaming toward them. In answer, the starmie's buzzing reached an almost intolerable crescendo—then the light smashed through Vega's shield, throwing Natalie and Scarlet against a crate so hard they flew apart.
Natalie shook her head, trying to clear the ringing in her ears. When she opened her eyes, the dhelmise was ambling toward them, lazily unfurling vines. Nearby, Vega lay in the sand, its light twitching on and off. No sign of Zero.
But a hiss of air made her turn to Scarlet. Bubbles gushed from her tank, and her eyes were wide behind her mask as she flailed for her secondary air source. Natalie didn't think that would help, not at the rate she was losing air.
Unthinkingly, she pulled herself along the crate toward Scarlet and stretched out her own backup regulator. Scarlet took it, clasping Natalie's arm. Then she signaled, Okay. Air flowing. Natalie heaved a breath of relief.
She suspected there wasn't much left in her tank—she'd used a lot of air fleeing from the dhelmise, and sharing with Scarlet meant less for each of them. They needed to get back to the surface now.
But the dhelmise was still closing in, approaching faster than the rate they could safely ascend.
Scarlet nudged Vega with her swim fin; the starmie peeled itself up from the sand, painfully slow. Its light was dim and its arms sagged. Dazed. Scarlet flailed her free hand, and even Natalie could practically hear her thoughts: Hurry! Do something!
The dhelmise towered over them. Its stretched wide, neon green flaring across its seaweed mantle—growing again. Vega hovered before the dhelmise, trying to shape a new light screen, but it kept flickering out.
Natalie tightened her grip on Scarlet and pulled. She wasn't going to sit and wait for death to come to them.
But as they rose together, jerky and off-balance, a shadow flitted past. And another. Then a shiver of sharpedo rushed overhead, nearly silent and too fast for Natalie's eyes to follow. Bringing up the rear, Reeva calmly treaded water. She hadn't abandoned them after all.
The first sharpedo ripped into the dhelmise with enough force to knock it sideways, and it came away with seaweed streaming from its teeth. The dhelmise barely had time to drop its anchor before the second sharpedo hit. Its vines went slack. And then dozens of sharpedo swarmed the shambling seaweed mass. It screeched, a terrible metal-on-metal sound, and shot out vine after vine. But for each sharpedo it slapped away, another dove to replace it. As seaweed shreds flew up like confetti, the dhelmise sank down, down into itself and at last disappeared under the frenzy of gnashing teeth.
From behind Natalie and Scarlet came first the low cry of a wailmer, then lights. The others had finally arrived. They gathered around Natalie and Scarlet in a flurry of hand signals. Okay? Okay? As they each checked over their air supply and equipment, a crash to the left signaled Zero sliding free from the pile of crates.
Scarlet gestured, Up. Now. With their pokemon alongside them, the dive team began to rise through drifting seaweed shreds.
Natalie's pulse still pounded, and it took every ounce of self-control not to claw her way to the glimmer of sunlight. But as the sounds of rattling chain and wet tearing faded below them, meter by meter, her breathing slowed. When her face broke through the surface at last, she ripped her regulator free and greedily sucked in fresh air. Scarlet turned her loose and did the same.
As the others surfaced all around them, Natalie turned hesitantly to face Scarlet, bracing herself for ranting and screaming. She deserved it—she's nearly gotten them both killed. But Vega bobbed to the surface behind her, and Scarlet turned away to wrap her arms around its fins, whispering words of praise and assurance.
Pearl paddled over. "You okay, Lil Red?"
"I'm sorry!" she blurted, water sloshing into her mouth. She coughed, spat, and started again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone off alone—"
"It's okay!" Pearl cut in. "All that matters is that we're all safe. We'll figure out the rest back on the Riv."
Natalie could do little more than nod. Her entire body felt like it was made of overcooked spaghetti.
Below the water, something bumped her leg. She yelped, swallowing another mouthful of salt water. A triangular fin rose through the water and made a lazy circle. For a moment, she could only stare after it, then she laughed. She never thought she'd be relieved to see a sharpedo in the water beside her.
A sloshing prompted her to turn in time to see Pearl grab onto another fin rising from the water. "I don't know about you, but I've had enough swimming for one day." She patted the sharpedo's side, and they glided off.
More fins poked through the water's surface; the other divers each took hold of a sharpedo of her own. The backs of their pokemon rippled the water all around, a slow wave moving toward the distant dot of the Riveter.
Natalie paused to glance over her shoulder and then allowed herself a small smile. Somehow, her buoy still floated on the waves. At least that much had gone right.
The sharpedo nudged her again, so she reached for its fin, the rough scales rasping against her gloves. It was surprisingly patient, waiting for her to get a firm grip before it smoothly started forward. She nestled her cheek her arm and let herself go limp against the sharpedo as if in a warm embrace.
—
Once she'd showered and bandaged her cuts from the dhelmise, Natalie went looking for Scarlet. She found her in the rec room, twining her still-wet hair into fresh braids.
A floorboard creaked under Natalie's foot, and Scarlet lifted her head. "Oh. It's you." There was no hostility in her voice, only tiredness.
Natalie took a deep breath. "I just wanted to say … thanks."
"Yeah. Well." Scarlet studied the ends of her hair for a moment, swung the finished braid over her shoulder, and then started on the other pigtail. "Sinbad would kill me if I let you get eaten."
"Or he'd be glad to have me out of his hair." Natalie chuckled, but Scarlet didn't.
She paused, fingers still in her hair, and said, "Look, I know he really sucks at showing it sometimes—and I mean really sucks … but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. You have to trust him."
"I guess you'd know better than I would."
With a sigh, Scarlet said, "You just gonna stand there or you gonna sit?"
So Natalie settled herself onto a cushion, leaving an empty one between them.
Scarlet was quiet for a moment, then offered, "I don't have any siblings. For a long time, it was just me and my dad. But ORCA's my family now."
"Me too, I guess."
She snorted but smiled. "Nobody gets under your skin the same way, right? But family's family. That's it. You're stuck with each other."
Was that her way of apologizing?
Without looking up from her braiding, Scarlet added, "Aside from the obvious fuckup, you did alright down there. We probably wouldn't have found all those energy gems if you hadn't done that."
Natalie frowned despite the compliment. Didn't the dhelmise change everything? It had been eating energy gems. Maybe that had been the only one, a freak accident. The Hoenn Sea wasn't exactly teeming with dhelmise. But still. Were other pokemon eating energy gems too? That hadn't been Archie's plan, not like that.
She'd have to talk to him about it later. For now, she wasn't going to be the one to wreck this new peace between her and Scarlet. Instead, she managed a smile. "Happy I could help."
This is likely to last chapter I'll be able to post before August 2021 ish, which means it's time for some updates and thank you's.
In response to reader comments, I've made a few changes to existing chapters. Most of these changes are small and not very noticeable, but a few are worth knowing about.
1) Natalie has inherited a Friend from Back Home ™️ who appears in chapters 1 and 11.
2) I've cut out mentions of masterballs (because they're really more like snagballs anyway) and have instead started calling them eightballs, as in United Hoenn Code Title 8. That explanation happens in chapter 5.
3) Chapters 2, 4, and 14 have been slightly retooled with a better glimpse into Mark and Natalie's respective heads.
To Pano for helping me figure out how to open doors, the predatory habits of sea monsters, and whether my dialogue was working—
To Pen for making my sentences infinitely better and helping me realize that I'd written three chapters out of order—
To Kintsugi for knowing when something technical is off, for consoling me about OSHA and guardrails, and for infinite shitposts—
To StarlightAurate for answering all my scuba questions—
To everyone who's commented and reviewed or even just read—
Thank you! Any mistakes are still my own, but this story would definitely be a little worse without your help and support.
Taking up Other Projects for the summer ... but this trash fire burns hot and bright in my heart, ever and always. See you soon.
Okay so....I actually read this two weeks ago and because of life taking a bit of a toll I couldn't sit down to do a proper review, but I had quotes and lines adn everything ready. Unfortunately, I kind of shot myself in the foot because I ended up letting too much time pass and now...I don't remember what I was gonna put in those lines quite well, sadly I can't exactly take the time to reread it right now to reorganize my thoughts and if I try and force myself to remember what I was gonna say I'll take another month to do this.
So instead I'll do a general review of chapter 16 and my thoughts of it, and since your story has been going on for a while now (16 chapters is a lot in fic time) I figured I could give CD another overall review talking about what I think of the story as a whole so far.
I'll start by saying that what I enjoyed the most about this chapter is how you explored and deepened Natalie's bond with the rest of the Riveter crew. Beyond the ones we'd already met like Shelly and Pearl the other girls also had a chance to have their personalities come through, and even if it was only a little, you really did a good job of highlighting each other's little quirks, their pokemon and how they operate individually and as a group, at least as far as Natalie knows them.
Of course this has the double duty of also highlighting Natalie's own feeling of wanting to belong, she wants to show that she deserves to be there and isn't just cruising on Sinbad's reputation. Natalie in general tends to be a character that bounces from trying to do things by the book while also creating her own path. It usually leads her into trouble but it's a sort of reckless courage that could really help her out in life if she's able to make the most of it.
Here it leads her into trouble again, but that made for the other aspect about this chapter I really enjoyed. Even before reading how you properly researched sea diving and all of the technical aspects that go into it I could already tell how much you prepared for it. Every detail in the description, from describing Natalie's gear, to diving deeper (heh) into how everything they did worked and its purpose felt fully realized for me and really helped with immersing myself in the event.
All of that works great for one other reason, and I think it's the one thing that a lot of writers (even me) tend to overlook when it comes to research. When you know your crap you can make some really cool stuff with it and holy shit did that resonate her. Whether it'd be Natalie's struggles with trying to move in the water to the fight against Dhelmise that channeled a very Jaws-vibe to it, you really made the most out of every possible scenario in the water.
Oh, the fight scene was also, in my honest opinion, amazing. Not only could I imagine every move that you described, but they all carried a certain weight and impact to them. The fight was quick, yet tense and dramatic, never letting us have a moment to breath until the very end and the way in which it shifted from a straightforward battle to a fight for survival on Natalies and later Scarlet's part was seamless.
Finally, on the character developtment front. While the conclusion felt a little predictable I still think it was earned, Scar and Natalie are honestly not that different and it was nice to see Scarlet not only put her feelings towards Natalie aside but even grew to respect her. Now I wanna see them be sisters with each other omg. I'll also be super interested in seeing what the discovery of more energy stones will lead to but I did find its...effects on Dhelmise to be pretty curious. It kind of reminded me a little bit of dynamax in a way, mainly in how it made it grow. But I assume that has more to do with it being mostly made out of algae than it being a pokemon in and of itself.
And that's it for chapter 16. It's not much sadly, but I really did enjoy it and I think it was a pretty good note to close out this batch of chapters on.
Now, for Continental Divides itself.
In a couple of months it'll be a year since I first discovered CD when I arrived at the forums and almost a year since we met and I gotta say that reading CD has been a great experience. It's not the only story but it's among the stories I've read the last few years that I constantly go back to and that have influenced me...sadly me and writing are still on pretty shaky ground, but every time I write or think about my own story I also think about CD and how I want to one day create a story that's as interesting, though provoking and rich as CD is to me.
I've said before that I'm a huge sucker for coming of age stories and stories that try to challenge and touch on topics that also reflect in real life, drawing criticism towards real issues and exploring it in a way that's easy to understand. It's the kind of stories I want to someday be able to write myself, even if I'm still far away from it and I just have to congratulate you especially for being able to write it so well and for being someone that's always pushing themselves to do better and also helping others feel like they can achieve what they want.
So, I hope CD returns soon but I also hope that whatever projects you're cooking up right now bear fruit, because you deserve all the recognition you can get.
The talk Mark has with his mom, in particular, is really cute and I like the parallel it draws to his talk with Montag later. With his mom, even though he's still hiding something and trying to not let too much slip, he's still more open and it feels like two people that really care about each other talking to one another. With Montag it's a very clear boss and lackey dynamic and the fact that Mark and Montag are literally sitting at different height levels, very not subtle by the way, drives home how their power dynamic is set up.
Yeah, it's true--he's more open and honest in this conversation than he's been in a lot of others. Like, he actually uses words to describe the way he feels about people! 🙀
Normally you wouldn't expect a story to delve too deeply on parent's careers, and I really liked that Mark's mom is a librarian and how you color Mark's experience with her work and how that influenced his life. It's brief but really effective in painting his relationship with his mom.
Mark and Nat are both very much shaped by their parents ... and each resisting their backgrounds in different ways. For a guy who we first encounter reading a book in a bar, I thought it was worth establishing where that love of books comes from. A couple of the kids I work with have parents or siblings who work at the library, so they spend probably as much time as I do in that building ... or more! For Mark, being raised by a single mom who works, I think he'd be at the library a LOT growing up.
Damn, sounds like his parents really wanted Mark to experience life in their own way, tho the thing with the condoms made me laugh lol. It's still interesting how that's changed with the years now that Mark's older and has been away for a long time, that his mom wants him to settle down I mean. I think it's pretty normal for a lot of parents though, like of course she'd want her kids to discover themselves but spending too much time discovering yourself can also lead to you being stuck in its special kind of way.
Ah sort of. I edited to clarify, but what I was trying to get at is that Mark's parents both felt stuck because of each other (and, to some degree, having kids, oops!), and one of the ways they cope is by living vicariously through the kids. I'm stuck, but you don't have to be. So it's not just that Mark's mom has a liberal approach--she really, really doesn't want him to get some girl pregnant.
I really loved these paragraphs. I feel like painting surroundings in a way that doesn't grow excessive or unnecessary is really hard but you paint a really great picture of the park that carries its beauty through while also showing us how that very beauty is part of the problem that Mark is trying to fight against.
Yeah, he's got an interesting relationship to the idea of beauty! In some ways it's what he's fighting for--Hoenn is worth saving because it's beautiful and green, his sister's music is the last beautiful thing left at home--but you're also right that at other times he sees it as distraction.
Again, really like how tense this conversation feels. All it takes for Mark's bravado and rage to be condensed is a few words from Montag that remind him where he truly stands. Of course he still has all that in him, but he realizes he can't just spit it out like he wants to.
Yup. Montag is both a figure who riles him up and pushes him to destroy the targets he designates ... and also one who dampers his fire and keeps him constrained.
I've mentioned it in other reviews but it's interesting how Magma and Orca differ in their methods and what they emphasize more. Montag's way of looking at things is more practical, here it kind of feels like he's more concerned with hurting Devon than helping Hoenn, two different things really. That's not to say Orca wouldn't like to see Devon go down either but for them it feels more like trying to make them look worse while for Montag is more a case of wanting to cut off their legs.
More concerned with hurting DevCo than helping Hoenn indeed. I don't think Orca is trying to make DevCo look worse at all (Magma is, though). They want to "fix things" whether DevCo is still standing or not. They just have sloppy solutions.
Every detail in the description, from describing Natalie's gear, to diving deeper (heh) into how everything they did worked and its purpose felt fully realized for me and really helped with immersing myself in the event.
Oh, the fight scene was also, in my honest opinion, amazing. Not only could I imagine every move that you described, but they all carried a certain weight and impact to them. The fight was quick, yet tense and dramatic, never letting us have a moment to breath until the very end and the way in which it shifted from a straightforward battle to a fight for survival on Natalies and later Scarlet's part was seamless.
sadly me and writing are still on pretty shaky ground, but every time I write or think about my own story I also think about CD and how I want to one day create a story that's as interesting, though provoking and rich as CD is to me.
So, I hope CD returns soon but I also hope that whatever projects you're cooking up right now bear fruit, because you deserve all the recognition you can get.
It's been a tumultuous but exciting month for me. I've talked to a few of y'all about this privately, but since Flaze touched on this in his last review, I thought now might be a good time to talk in a more official capacity about what's happening.
I spend enough time and energy on this story that I've started to rethink what I want from it and what I want it to be. There are some changes coming for Mark and Nat! They're changes that I think will serve the story (and me!) overall ... but also change is never easy, and that means I've got good news and bad news.
Bad news: I am probably not updating Continental Divides anytime soon. It's possible that I still will at some point--never say never--but I'm not anticipating it right now.
Good news: I'm not done with the story. In fact, I'm so excited about it that I'm working on it as an original fantasy story instead. One that doesn't require me to sheepishly explain why there are pokemon in it But Not Like You Think ™️ . One that's wholly mine. And maybe! With a little luck!! One I can share with a much broader audience.
Part of me is sad to leave Hoenn behind ... but a bigger part of me is excited for the new direction. Taking out the pokemon lets me get much closer to some of the points I want to make (and also removes some of the ethical weirdness around owning your friends). And, like, let's be real: this story has had one foot out the door of fandom from the beginning. I've already pushed the canon far enough that simply renaming a handful of characters and places solves like 70% of it. It might've been a hockey stick at one point, but I've bent the thing into a boomerang and now I don't feel bad putting my own logos on it.
So, no, I'm not dead, but I have been pretty busy with non-fic things lately, and likely will be for some time. 💪 🤩
I do feel bad for leaving folks in the lurch, and I apologize that so many things will have to remain unresolved. (Though, honestly, this is a better place to stop than after Chapter 17, which would have been an aggressive cliffhanger. ... Possibly literally, actually.) I might post a crude "here's some stuff I expected to happen" later if folks are interested in that. I hope it's some comfort that *a* version of this story will continue, because I want to know what's going to happen to Mark and his cat, too. The cat just isn't purple anymore is all.
I'm still really appreciative of all the feedback I've gotten so far--the story is all the better for it! I'm not putting energy towards making corrections to this draft right now, but I'm still open to feedback and interested to hear what folks think. I'll definitely keep any comments in mind as I make my way through draft 2. That said, if you wanted to read it and haven't yet, you should ... do that. Eventually, I'm probably going to start taking it down from the internet.
Thank you all for reading and for joining me on this ride! Stay tuned, I guess? ✨
And today the wifi was off again, for security: no data coming in meant no data about their location going out. Dad would have to wait just a little longer.
really following in Mark's footsteps here huh Natalie
She supposed she could join Pearl and her staryu instead, let Reeva scout it out, but there wouldn't be much for her to do: Pearl didn't need her help to shine a flashlight inside a crate. And she hated the idea of Scarlet discovering something big while she twiddled her thumbs. Besides, they weren't going that far away from the others.
You know at first I was hesitant, but Natalie has done such a good job rationalizing this decision that I am now convinced that it is a good idea and will turn out completely fine
There must've been color here once—sponges, living corsola, horsea, and anemones—but now there were only ghosts.
I almost feel bad for the cursola (#ghostlivesmattertoo).
Wow what a fun chapter with all those scuba diving details incorporated into it. I bet scuba diving is a lot of fun.
Surely someone other than Natalie must be having the same doubts after that encounter. I would hope.
I kind of wanted there to be more to this review, but then the days went by and I kinda realized I was either going to post this as it is or I wasn't going to post it at all. Good luck with the serial number filing. I have faith in your ability to realize a version of the story that better gets at what you want it to.
I wonder what Gibs is going to be in the new version.
Planning to formalize this in the appropriate channels, but I'd actually love no more reviews of the April Fool's chapter! It's a shitpost, so it's actually kind of maddening to get an earnest review on it when my actual work is sitting right there on either side of it.
I have enjoyed the shitposty reviews to it I've gotten so far, of course. :)
Thanks again, Blue, for generously putting together these charts by hand!
