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WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Some belated replies for @unrepentantAuthor & @qva--thank you both so much! 😭 😍

Your prose style and narration is frankly gorgeous.
This is absolutely fiction that understands people, and that's absolutely critical for me.
Ahhh, thank you. These are both such nice things to hear. This will keep the engines of my ego burning into the winter. Thank. 🙏

The one errant line about 'did she want this to go further' is sort of awkwardly intrusive/unnecessary in the exact way your prose typically isn't.
You know ... I agree! I think that line was suggested to me when the text looked a little different, and now that I'm looking at it again a few months later, I think the following paragraph supports that idea just fine. I'll clip it out in my next update sweep. Cheers!

If the banette trainer was actually Mark after all and Nat's suspicions evaporating was a red herring, I'll enjoy seeing her reaction. Not calling it though, dude doesn't seem like the type.
He's got some shit going on, but he is completely unrelated to the banette! I almost wonder if I should reshuffle some adjectives a little. In the movie version of this, there would be no confusing them: banette trainer is skinny and AFAB-but-androgynous and Mark is, like, 6'2." IDK what that is in meters but he's a large-ish human, lol. Definitely some shoes are gonna drop though!

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on future chapters when you get to them! 😈

"osj has good politics" and "osj has a political fic" are both things that have existed in my head for months and months now,
Hahahahaha, well same to you! It's fascinating seeing you write such a centrist character given some of our conversations the past few months. And I guess I'm in a similar boat because, uh, there's a reason I'm writing a fic instead of throwing bricks, lololol. The Hoenn squad has some questionable politics. Or maybe good politics and just bad activism. But! I am slowly building towards exactly the agenda I was pushing in the #reallife channel around the time of the election: reaching across the aisle! Mark and Natalie are pretty different from real-world Dems and Republicans, but they are definitely an example of two people who have all the world in common and also fucking hate each other lol. Someday perhaps they will make friends. ;)

i just want to say that i'm a really big fan of the way you've synthesized the gang-like aspects of aqua and magma as they appear in canon with the lefty, environmental agendas that your themes pivot on. (if only environmental justice groups were organized enough in our world that turf wars were something we had to worry about, not that we don't find a way to get some infighting in anyway.)
Though, ironically, I think being organized is part of the problem with Aqua and Magma. Real-world grassroots shit doesn't last when there's one head honcho calling all the shots. The valiant leader gets killed or arrested or compromised, and then the entire thing falls apart. Stay tuned for *sad Magma sounds* in particular haha.

when i finished this chapter, i found mark to be a really sympathetic character, and was connecting with him more strongly than natalie.
Fascinating! I always worry about Mark because I love my grumpy, caffeinated boy but I also recognize that, uh, he's a jerk. It's so fun seeing how differently people respond to him! One of my friends abso-fucking-lutely hates him, but TR on the whole seems to be on his side, hahaha. Glad to know he's landing for you! Early-game Natalie is tough. She doesn't know a lot and she's reacting more than she is being proactive; for now I think it is what it is, but perhaps some other time I'll have ideas about tweaking that balance a little.

besides, surely natalie had this back-and-forth with herself about their gender/when she first saw them, not now, right?
You know, I've been on the fence about that sentence for a while, and that's a really, really good argument against it. I'll scrap it during my next updates.

the use of "bodega" here is fun—definitely establishes a particular sense of place.
Hahahaha, I shamelessly write Rustboro as Philly. :D

not sure if this was your intent, but i wasn't sure what pokémon this was describing until you came out and said it. admittedly banette is one i forget about a lot, but it seemed worth mentioning.
In this case, I think I'm okay with that because Natalie isn't sure what she's looking at either until the name-drop happens.

i will say that i do think the banette sequence is a little drawn out—i understand its significance but i think it would do the job just as well in maybe half the time, and i feel like it's sort of holding us back from getting to the meat of the chapter, which is natalie and mark's conversation, so snipping it down a bit would be a good thing here imo.
Hmm! Noted. Anything in particular that stuck out about it or seemed trimmable to you?

this part felt kind of incongruous with the rest of her feelings about her brother to me. he feels very cold and distant here, whereas in her other memories he seems very warm and affectionate. here he's even boring in her imagination. i don't think this description communicates the gaps in her knowledge (which i think she could despite their closeness) so much as a sense of slight frigidity.
Oh, interesting! I'll think about this one. As far as I'm concerned, he is sort of a cold figure in chapters 6 and 11, so I'm not upset about parts of chapter 1 foreshadowing that ... but this paragraph wasn't one of the places where I'd been thinking about that! I'm not sure yet how I'd change this, but I'll flag it in my notes. Maybe as I continue forward I'll get some ideas. Brother Dearest will be cropping a lot in chapters 13-20, so there will be lots of opportunities to think about him and their relationship ....

i'm admittedly still a bit confused about the direction his character takes during/after the protest, but i'll get to that when we get to it.
👀 Well! Never not editing. I'll be curious to hear what your thoughts on that are and to see what I can do about it.

i do kind of wish there was a bit more here—i see negrek mentioning a conversation with roxanne which it appears you've snipped?
not sure i ever fully understood just what this meeting was. was mark organizing some sort of confrontation with roxanne, trying to get other gym trainers to sign on and pressure her to cut ties with devon?

So, the Roxanne content that was cut was essentially 1) Roxanne scolds Mark for overperforming, asks him to tone it down and please stop wrecking the baby trainers quite so often 2) Mark tells her about his very real bike accident that was in no way related to illegal activity 3) Roxanne asks if he's happy working at the gym, and he gives a half-baked answer. Put a little too much emphasis on Roxanne, whose relationship with him isn't really all that important, and other parts of chapters 1 and 2 convey a lot of the same information.

Surely someone is trying to sway Roxanne onto a different course, but that's less Mark's personal style. 🙃

The meeting could be clarified more! The idea was that it's Magma recruitment: have a cookie, have a pin, let's get you hyped to raise some hell. (This is what he's trying to get Nat to do instead of the protest at the end of the chapter, too.) I'll look at how I can make that a little more explicit without taking away from the official Mark = Magma reveal in Ch 3.

I hear what you're saying about Chapter 2 in general, though! It's my current least favorite chapter. When I rewrote/recombined the original first three chapters, chapter 1 got much denser and this one became much thinner. I think the main thing I care about here is demonstrating what a normal, legal battle looks like in this setting ... because I think it might be the only one! Lol. And to highlight Natalie's naivete from Mark's POV. I'm not sure what else I'd like this chapter to do for me right now, but it's definitely been at the top of my " 😒 " pile for a while. 🚩

nice battle overall. battles don't usually do much for me but this one doesn't overstay its welcome, so it was fun to read all the same. the bit where it looked like natalie was going to lose was nice—i usually sort of skim battles but that drew me in.
Glad to hear it! I actually skim this battle when I reread, so I'm glad to get a little confirmation that it's just because I've already read it so many times and not because it's inherently boring.

seemed kind of weird that he prompts her to speak twice in a row like this.
Hm, fair! I'll see about adding something from Natalie, a reason for him to redirect.

just want to say, sorry again if this review seems a little negative! i do genuinely love this fic so much, it's an awesome read and i can't wait for you to post more. all my suggestions come from a place of love and deep investment in the story—keep doing your thing, you're awesome!
LOL, oh please. Crit = ❤ and you haven't pointed out anything I wasn't raising my own eyebrows at. I appreciate the feedback! (So thorough!!) I'm prioritizing writing new content right now, but I definitely do go back and edit (like, all the time), so it's not unlikley that I'll double back for some of these adjustments eventually.

Thanks so much for giving this some of your time! I'm really happy to hear you're enjoying my lil dumpster fire, and I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the other chapters when you've got time! :D

And! Thank you again for the lovely Natalie drawing. <3 I'll definitely plug it when I post the next chapter.
 
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love

Memento mori
Pronouns
he/him/it
Partners
  1. leafeon
A review of chapter 11

there's no reason to be overly concerned.

I wonder if there's a more "professional" way of saying that

"We care deeply about the health of our customers and the community. No one is more invested than we are in ensuring our pipeline system operates as intended: safely and reliably."

This is about the most realistic corporate response I could imagine. Just say the opposite of what's just been demonstrated. Surprisingly effective.

The places that were already most vulnerable shouldn't have to survive more blows

I wonder if "survive" should be "suffer" or something. Because we do want them to *survive* the blows...

I'll just say they wouldn't be my first choice, but

I feel there is a less opinionated way to say basically the same thing for a news station. Then again, I know some news outlets are more professional than others.

I wonder if those volcanic eruptions have anything to do with Steven's shenanigans...

Out on the water, skimmers drifted like aquatic roombas inside the oil containment booms.

It seemed a little weird to me to compare something natural to something artificial in this context. It feels like reducing nature to something more banal, if that makes sense. Which I think isn't ideal for this point in the story, where the sanctity of nature is a major concern.

The next, like a magic trick revealed, Archie was right in front of them, recognizable by his frame even from behind.

Maybe cut "revealed"?

"Sure." Archie shrugged. "Won't stop DevCo, though."

I think at this point, now that the damage has already been done, it really is better to just let the blame fall upon DevCo. Blaming Magma doesn't really do anything for Orca, and if anything it hurts their agenda. The public already distrusts Magma regardless; they don't need more reasons to. At least, that's how I see it.

Sinbad bared a grin, but his eyes were storm cloud dark.

I feel like there has to be a hyphen in "storm cloud dark" somewhere

Under Scarlet's haughty gaze, Natalie sat up straighter, rolling her shoulders back. "I can help."

Oh boy, the suspense! I wonder what she's going to be doing?

Her smartwatch lay atop the dresser, and she couldn't shake the feeling that it was watching her.

Is this why they call it a "watch"? 🤔

He had no idea that Archie was right here in Slateport tonight, as close as a shadow.

That seems like a really fitting simile

"Not that things are much better here lately. They're calling Route 110 an accident, but we all know it was ORCA."

Oh no! I was thinking this was good publicity for Orca, but not if people believe this!

Shellder stayed small in the warm waters, undesirable to most trainers but the perfect size to infiltrate drainage pipes and choke them shut.

The zebra mussels of the pokemon world

"I was wondering if maybe sometime this week I could shadow you at work?"

Oh boy the pieces are starting to fit together, I think I can see where this is going now

"You still in there?" she'd said and at once felt ridiculous—but then the watch had chimed with a text alert, a smiling emoticon from Zinfandel.

Zinfandel is now my favorite character.

Alone in the dark, kindness seemed an impossible abstract

Can you use "abstract" as a noun like that?

Anyway, I think this chapter has been my favorite one yet. I was impressed by the prose/descriptions throughout, particularly at the marshlands. It was enough to imagine things without getting bogged down. And you avoided the stuff I tend to get fussy about (like overusing the verb "to be"). I think good verb choices helped a bunch. The incidental way in which Natalie's espionage mission is revealed worked, I think, as did the little guilty asides scattered throughout the narration when she thought about what she was doing. She's also exercised some agency, which, as we know, is something I have been hoping to see. Returning to her parents gives her a chance to take a break for a bit, but also forces her to confront some doubts. She doesn't feel right about what she is doing, but it feels better than doing nothing; that's a dilemma I like. Also, as I said, the chapter introduced Zinfandel, the best character, so I mean all around this is really a win.

(Okay I guess Zinfandel was actually introduced earlier, but didn't really do much)
 
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WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Thank you, @love for your thoughts!!

I wonder if there's a more "professional" way of saying that
Ah, that’s possible! I was thinking of geologists I’ve met or seen on TV who were very informal folks, but I could see how that might not feel genuine.

I wonder if "survive" should be "suffer" or something. Because we do want them to *survive* the blows...
Good call! I was struggling with that passage.

I feel there is a less opinionated way to say basically the same thing for a news station. Then again, I know some news outlets are more professional than others.
I’ve been thinking of this as pokemon Fox News, haha. Entertainment news. I don’t think being anti-ORCA is a hot take, and this is Some Guy(TM)—working-class and call-it-like-it-is. I’m sticking to this one.

I wonder if those volcanic eruptions have anything to do with Steven's shenanigans...
Whaaaaaaat
Why would you ever think that??? #StevenDidNothingWrong

It seemed a little weird to me to compare something natural to something artificial in this context.
These aren’t pond skaters the bugs. They’re little floating vacuums that collect oil.

Maybe cut "revealed"?
Mm fair.

I think at this point, now that the damage has already been done, it really is better to just let the blame fall upon DevCo. Blaming Magma doesn't really do anything for Orca, and if anything it hurts their agenda. The public already distrusts Magma regardless; they don't need more reasons to. At least, that's how I see it.
Yeah, Archie doesn’t really care about PR.

I feel like there has to be a hyphen in "storm cloud dark" somewhere
You might be right.

The zebra mussels of the pokemon world
👀 love’s got my number. Yes, indeed.

Zinfandel is now my favorite character.
Porygon is baby. I feel in love with Cutlerine’s depiction in Time and Tide (set in a version of Hoenn where the player character fails to prevent Kyogre from flooding the world, oops) and now I’ve written *two* this year. Maybe I’ll do another in 2021. ;)

Can you use "abstract" as a noun like that?
Abstraction might be better, you’re right.

Anyway, I think this chapter has been my favorite one yet.
!!

She's also exercised some agency, which, as we know, is something I have been hoping to see.
Haha yes! I do apologize she doesn’t have much agency up to this point, but I don’t see a way around it right now. But! Now that she’s all caught up and solidly in the middle of it all, she should be in a position to make choices often going forward.

She doesn't feel right about what she is doing, but it feels better than doing nothing; that's a dilemma I like.
Then you are reading the correct story, my friend. 🙃 Lots of that to go around.

Always nice to hear your thoughts, so thanks for taking the time (and for catching those little errors).
 
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K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
review/analysis/whatever
of chapter one....

Still there. Somewhere.

I’d rec “They were still there, somewhere”

While I get the idea is to show Nat’s disjointed, panicked thought process a hair of clarity is lost. It also can be dropped, no damage done to comprehension either way.

She had first noticed him—her?—among the crowd in the park,

Why not go for the gender neutral, “them” from the get go? It lets you drop the “she-they” later in as well and keeps clarity.

After the stranger… section can easily be removed if you want to parse it down further… Shes’ focusing on the fight, right? And she didn’t watch the stranger in black disappear, battle and all that? If that’s the case it’s an easy drop. Jumping into the “later, leaving” from the thinking about section works perfectly fine.


Later, leaving the bodega with supplies for a quick meal, she'd thought she'd spotted them again under a bus awning across the street. But it could've easily been some other stranger in a hoodie, so when a bus cut them off from view, Natalie shrugged it off.

Alright… I’m pot calling kettle here…and bear with me this is my biggest weakness… We’ve got two sentences with a lot of ideas in them, as well as a trend of long sentences back to back. While It’s not bad enough to be glaring it’s definitely a trait.

There’s a few ways to tackle this. The main ones I want to point out are

Condensing

And restructuring


Here’s the first step to both process… breaking down the ideas and motions and since I’m lazy we’re starting with a list in chronological.

Later (time established)

Leaving the bodega (setting)

With supplies (action)

Stalker spotted (action)

Under bus awning (location)

Easily been… (justification/ character mindset)

Bus cut off (location)

Shrugged off, planning dinner ect (action internalization)

Sees reflection to the left (re spotted)

Pseudo teleportation shown near direct (action/seeing)



So that’s ten ideas in three sentences. That’s 625 words, per the counter. The lot boils down to teleportation chase from creepy stocker hoodie while on the bus. Now while not grammatically wrong the longer lines with a lot jammed into them can blend together, details can be missed. So I’d recommend a few shorter sentences here and there to give the reader a break.

Here’s the condensing route, dropping unnecessary ideas or moments to par the lot down. Main goal is to preserve meaning and cut as much as possible.

Later, leaving the bodega with supplies for a quick meal, she'd thought she'd spotted them again under a bus awning across the street..

Since the meal is not used, referred too, ect in this chapter I’d rec dropping the “supplies for a quick meal” segment. Again can be dropped as well.

But it could've easily been some other stranger in a hoodie, so when a bus cut them off from view, Natalie shrugged it off.

Drop, but, them, and from. And replace “from” with her.

She started back for the hostel, planning her dinner and also, of course, thinking about her brother—until she caught sight of the reflection sliding across the display window to her left.


Drop “also of course”. The importance of her brothers established later on, and since no one is questioning her on it the “of course” comes across as unnecessary and defensive. She’s in her own head so she’s either thinking about him or not no justification or flailing needed.

That hooded face hung behind her, a smoky blur hovering at their shoulder. When she turned, the figure had already vanished, even though there was nowhere for them to vanish to.


Change that to “the” and I’d swap “hung” with “was right” and perhaps change “their” to “it” to up the creepy factor… Drop “had vanished” and replace with was gone. I’d also drop “for them to vanish to” per wordiness. and switch it with something simpler, she’s unnerved after all. “to go“ works fine.



Here’s how it looks put together.

Later, leaving the bodega with supplies, she'd thought she'd spotted them under a bus awning across the street. It could've easily been some other stranger in a hoodie, so when a bus cut off her view, Natalie shrugged it off. She started back for the hostel, planning her dinner and thinking about her brother—until she caught sight of the reflection sliding across the display window to her left. The hooded face was right behind her, a smoky blur hovering at their shoulder. When she turned, the figure was gone, even though there was nowhere to go.


Alright , so step one goes for 550 words. 5 sentences.

Now lets talk restructuring.

Alright here’s all the stalker related text in one spot.

She'd thought she'd spotted them under a bus awning across the street. . It could've easily been some other stranger in a hoodie though, so Natalie shrugged it off. Until she caught sight of the reflection sliding across the display window to her left. The hooded face was right behind her, a smoky blur hovering at their shoulder. When she turned, the figure was gone, even though there was nowhere to go.

That puts us at 400 words

Heres the rest of it

Later, leaving the bodega with supplies. She started back for the hostel, planning her dinner and thinking about her brother

I’d actually drop the supply run. She doesn’t do anything with them in the confrontation, no throwing them at her stalker, dropping them, ect. She can easily have just gone from the training ground to the bus no intermission to get supplies and since they aren’t really mentioned later. I’d just say drop the whole idea with them.

You can also drop the planning dinner, thinking about her brother, she’s going to point a to b, if you really want to parse things down.

Alright…. That’s done now to restructuring…



Though it could have been some other stranger in a hoodie she swore she'd spotted them under a bus awning across the street.


Change thought to swore… less bland.

When a bus cut off her view, Natalie shrugged it off. Until she caught sight of the reflection sliding across the display window to her left.

Because she’s shrugging it off and just had a jolt from seeing “maybe” stalker I’d rec not having her wool gather, she’s already established as thinking about the creep a few moments ago and having a small scare for it for maybe just seeing them again. The timing feels wrong.

The hooded face was right behind her, a smoky blur hovering at their shoulder. When she turned, the figure was gone, even though there was nowhere to go.



(I’d rec putting the idea of shopping ect with the “winning” section/money section, the paragraph above)

(I’d rec dropping all wool gathering about her plans and brother as she’s in immediate danger and her alarm bells been yanked a few times before mere minutes ago)


Though it could have been some other stranger in a hoodie she swore she'd spotted them under a bus awning across the street. When a bus cut off her view, Natalie shrugged it off. Until she caught sight of the reflection sliding across the display window to her left. The hooded face was right behind her. The reflection’s edge was smoldering. When she turned, they were gone, even though there was nowhere to go.

I condensed all the stalking scene to it feels more tense, no breaks in it keeps the action flowing and focused. I also changed a few words around and found the smoking shoulder a bit too specific for something that’s. a) seen from the corner of the eye. B) being seen from someone freaking out over their stalker. By being less specific it also made the lot creepier and amps up the creep level from teleporting stalker to seemingly smoldering teleporting stalker no one else is noticing. I thought I’d tab it in but that’s just a personal opinion and can totally be dropped.

OK no parring just restructuring

Keeping her head high, Natalie kept walking. Recalling her trainer’s ed modules she looked about. But there were no souls in sight, no police, no cafes to hole up in and wait out her stalker. Her Gear felt like an unsafe distraction. Looking around showed the tourist strip had given way to looming apartment buildings converted from warehouse factories. Long twilight shadows were creeping in.

Why start with her head high? Immediate physical action that ties in with her looking around done previously. Cause and effect, she was spooked, they’re gone, she keeps her head up and keeps walking in response. Walking gives time, so she reflects, looks around. No souls, no police, no cafes. Gear unsafe. Physical setting reinforced, time reinforced,


I've got my pokemon with me.


Delusion of safety reinforced. Which then easily springboards into her mental nattering about Dad’s worry wart tendencies that are being proven utterly correct because… well present circumstance. Rabbiting about the father’s concerns to world build works here because it quickly ties into her present setting and her team.

So no criticism there….


Question, have you played the Layton vs Ace Attorney game? There’s line about blacker than night darkness that’s what your line about the fires made me think of.


Paragraph break down:

Natalie's
voice caught in her throat—how could she help when she couldn't see what Luna was fighting? The sandslash in the park had at least left furrows when it went underground. There was no way to tell where this thing was going to appear. To Natalie's surprise, the stranger in black made no move either. Maybe they were also new at this.

Snarling, Luna whirled and bit again, this time catching a mouthful of shadow. The shriek that followed this time was distinctly inhuman. Luna furiously shook her head, and for a second Natalie glimpsed the thing caught in her jaws: doll-like with floppy arms and a gleaming crescent of teeth.

Then the thing slipped from Luna's grasp and melted into the darkness again. As Luna whipped her head from side to side, searching, a cold wind swept down the street. Then the stranger winked out of sight.


Theres’a lot of lunas in this segment.

Lines 9

Lunas 5

Nats 3

The last paragraph has them near back to back. Because of this I’d recommend swapping a few out with descriptors. I’d also recommend a few Natalie’s be reworked as well. Because when you look at it like this we have eight line drops in nine sentences. The first line with Natalie not screaming and luna fighting, I’d keep that because it establishes whos who and it carries. The second Nat could be tweeked. The second Luna could stand as is, but the third Luna with the furious shaking needs be rehauled as that’s where it starts to look cluttered. Even something as simple as “the canine” or “Her partner” could work here as a swap out. I’d also recommend swapping “grasp” with maw, or something more mouth related to reinforce that biting action previously shown. “Again” could be easily dropped. As can the “as”, Luna whipping her head from side to side searching works well without it.


I was initially worried the needle was going to be drugged tbh I’m glad that it wasn’t and this fic did not go there.

This feels like a natural spot to build up the brother… Her winding down from a near death/abduction/mugging scrape to focus on something she’s fond while she decompresses.

He seems quite the gregarious character, definitely has a pride streak. Also I love how this builds into Luna’s history. Though I’d rec her sitting before la-la-landing and dropping the relevant past information here as it’s a little jarring for her to be blanking out, then getting a seat, and then going back to be pragmatic.

Natalie took out the scrap of fabric and squeezed it tight as she strode towards the gym trainer. She tested the words in her mind: Recognize this? Or maybe, Care to explain?

Nat and Marks conversation flows quite naturally, kudos for having such quality dialogue.

Coughs… I’ve read further ahead than chapter one… So this bar side conversation gains so many more layers and shades of irony when revisited considering Mark and Bubba’s… ah… activities. Also the “small fry” line made me start digging on the ‘mon wiki to check character dialogue because it made me think of one predominate character in the series right off the bat who uses a very similar phrase in game… And my guess was so proven right. I’m not going to go into detail here since I don’t want to spoil but wow the layering is very rich here and much appreciated. It’s a quality work that rewards a re-read.

Thank you for this amazing read, I’ve enjoyed it thus far (on chapter 4 and definitely plan to keep going) and felt I should at least give a glimpse into my thoughts as I was going. Happy writing in this and all other projects.



KS
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
@K_S, thanks so much for your thoughts! Wow, so thorough! I’ll respond quickly to a few things here and maybe in more detail later in a DM.

She had first noticed him—her?—among the crowd in the park,

Why not go for the gender neutral, “them” from the get go? It lets you drop the “she-they” later in as well and keeps clarity.
I’ve actually already changed this one in my copy, just haven’t made the updates live yet. Good call.

Question, have you played the Layton vs Ace Attorney game? There’s line about blacker than night darkness that’s what your line about the fires made me think of.
Haha, I have not! That’s a funny co-inky-dink.

I was initially worried the needle was going to be drugged tbh I’m glad that it wasn’t and this fic did not go there.
Ha! This fic has some upsetting things in it, but there would be no reason to drug Natalie here. Doesn’t match anybody’s motivation. You’ll see why later. Chapter 6 clears up this encounter.

He seems quite the gregarious character, definitely has a pride streak.
He is definitely both of those things! :D

Nat and Marks conversation flows quite naturally, kudos for having such quality dialogue.
Thank you! Always good to hear!

Coughs… I’ve read further ahead than chapter one… So this bar side conversation gains so many more layers and shades of irony when revisited considering Mark and Bubba’s… ah… activities. Also the “small fry” line made me start digging on the ‘mon wiki to check character dialogue because it made me think of one predominate character in the series right off the bat who uses a very similar phrase in game… And my guess was so proven right. I’m not going to go into detail here since I don’t want to spoil but wow the layering is very rich here and much appreciated. It’s a quality work that rewards a re-read.
Lol really? I didn’t know anyone in canon spoke that way. I stole it from myself, lol. Small Fry is what I call my sister. (I’m Tall Fry.) I’m so curious who you think her brother is though.

But, yeah, I love when characters don’t have all the information but think they do. 🙃 Mark and Natalie are both doing it here.

Thank you for this amazing read, I’ve enjoyed it thus far (on chapter 4 and definitely plan to keep going) and felt I should at least give a glimpse into my thoughts as I was going. Happy writing in this and all other projects.
 
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kyeugh

you gotta feel your lines
Staff
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. farfetchd-galar
  2. gfetchd-kyeugh
  3. onion-san
  4. farfetchd
  5. farfetchd
3. red
this is the chapter where i knew for sure this story was for me. there's such a strong sense of direction, and the protest is very well written and rings true to life in so many ways. it feels right that natalie's entry point to activism should be a protest—and one she feels she has personal connections to via her brother, as is often the case—and you capture all the trappings of baby's first protest perfectly. i enjoyed natalie's progression on the presence of police throughout the chapter, and in general the fact that she was taking everything in and forming conclusions as if they're novel when so many others around here—magma in particular—have been there a thousand times and had the drill down pat already, lol. i think you do a great job at showing us how natalie's understanding of the situation changes as it develops without making it bog down the flow of the narrative—the action still feels very urgent and snappy. her attitude on magma changing throughout the course of the chapter had me really wondering whether she would join magma by the end, and ending the chapter with the revelation about mark really underscores her changed perspective. she starts the chapter mad at him, and ends it... ambivalent? now he's magma... does that make her like him more or less? complex stuff and you pull it off really well. no major criticisms for this chapter aside from some word choice stuff—really solid overall!
Some even perched atop the concrete parapets where banners had been hung to face traffic.
are these banners protest-related? if so this seems like it would be a good spot to set the stage and hint at the context of the protest a little.

In between the protesters and the counter-protesters, a cluster of macho police officers with manectrics straddled their bikes.
i'm used to arcanine being the go-to for police dogs, but i like the idea of manectric instead. beyond just fitting well because hoenn, they're also kinda like tasers mixed with dogs, lol. feels right.

He wore a face mask and sunglasses, which made him look not quite human.
well, he is a cop... 😏

She stole a glance at his manectric, outfitted in a gray harness that matched the police uniform. It wore a power-limiter collar, almost like a pet's, except she knew the limiter on this one could be turned off completely with a clicker in the officer's pocket. The manectric could still hurt her, if the cop wanted it to. Or it might only stun. Its hackles were up and it stared hard at her.

The cop laid a hand on one of several solid black masterballs hooked to his belt beside his holster and handcuffs. One way or another, that hand said. "Right now they're not. Put it away. Now."
oof. while reading this i was thinking "lol, drawing attention to the manectric is like the pokémon cop equivalent of a real cop adjusting their belt to remind you there's scary stuff on there," and then your cop did that too, hahaha. i guess the master balls are used by law enforcement to capture pokémon already owned by other trainers? that's a neat idea, feels real.

"What a dick hole."
this cracked me up pretty good. surprisingly i'm not sure i've heard this before.

The protesters burst out in applause and cheers, and then a feminine voice crackled, "It's an honor to be here with you all today. Let's take a moment to remember that we stand in the South Grannus Watershed, on Draconid land."
i've been waiting to write about this line in a review since the first time i read it a week or two, lol. this is the smallest detail that's stuck with me the longest about this fic. it's just so real, lol. never would have thought to include it in a story like this but reading it i'm immediately forming strong associations with real-world groups. beyond the familiarity of it, though, it's interesting to know that hoenn is colonized—i wonder if the indigenous people of hoenn will play a role in the plot? indigenous organizations are some of the hardest fighters for environmental justice in the US, so it wouldn't surprise me for that to be the case.

She was ordinary-looking, with thin lips and a windburned face, but the crowd seemed to hang on her every word.
love the detail that her face is windburned; i feel like that tells a story.

And, ha, there was no sign of Mark either. Also not a surprise.
hm, isn't it? is there a reason she expects him not to be there?

Natalie wrinkled her nose. Mother Earth was as cheesy as the name Spitfire.
yeah, her real name is groudon. smh.

Up ahead, the crowd oozed across the boulevard, forcing cars to stop in the middle of the road.
the least realistic part of this chapter is that the police didn't start beating people right then. cops be like
1608494669729.png

Better to have them around to keep things safe than not, she told herself, begrudgingly.
🤔

Although Natalie had passed the same shops and office towers and courthouse each day walking between the hostel and the gym, they looked different from the middle of the street, as if she were seeing them from underwater.
this is a neat simile.

Then someone shouted loudly enough to be heard widely, "Who are we?"

The red bloc answered in one voice, "Earth's army!"
this brought to mind the conversation in the discord earlier today about the word "comrade," haha. "earth's army" is so cheesy and self-serious at the same time, i love it. by the way the term "red bloc" really evokes the eastern bloc and communism for me—is that intentional?

But Natalie knew Bubba would've stayed, and she was no quitter.
i like the way natalie motivates herself through the protest, first to attend and then to participate and then to stick around, by comparing herself to her brother rather than of her own personal conviction. really emphasizes her level of separation from the matter at hand.

With a whoosh, tens of pokeballs opened all at once,
tiny thing but i always think "tens" is a little clunky and find "dozens" does the same thing but sounds a little better.

The backlash was immediate. With a whoosh, tens of pokeballs opened all at once, releasing dustox and weezing outfitted with gray police power limiter bands. There was a flurry of police radio noise. And then clouds of gray smog and insect scales filled the air.
pokémon as riot control is an interesting thought. why spend time and money and energy developing weapons when we've already domesticated magic poison dispensers and living flamethrowers? kind of puts into context how horrible a pokémon war would be.

Their camerupt reared and smashed its way between two rhyhorns, plowing the mounted officers to the ground.
i wonder if this is the same camerupt that appears at the pipeline later or if that's just a coincidence...?

Less than a few yards away, a manectric exploded out of the smog to tackle a protester—a skinny girl with a knee brace.
wow, great.

And she looked up to see a manectric streak towards her, electricity streaming off its fur.
i think of electricity as being erratic and "streaming" as being smooth, so it was hard for me to picture electricity streaming off something.

---

4. blue
so, i'll be honest, reading this chapter a second time it's very clear to me what's going on... but the first time, i had no idea what was setting mark off. it didn't occur to me that he might assume she's with orca. i thought that orca was just telling mark to get away from her simply because saw a magma guy speaking with a beat up girl panting against the wall and assumed he was being violent, and were trying to rescue her. so his very, very violent response and directed malice toward natalie totally mystified me. my assumption on my first readthrough was that he'd been cornered and feared for his life, and was using natalie as more or less a hostage in an attempt to escape unscathed. that is very much not what was happening, but it was what i pieced together having not made the connection that mark thought natalie was orca-affiliated—and on re-read, that connection isn't actually spelled out. i'm sure lots of people probably figured it out just fine, but for me it caused major confusion about this scene and quite a bit of confusion in the chapters to come as well. i think my reading experience would have been totally different if that had been laid out more explicitly. (also this was what i was talking about in my last review when i said i was mystified by the direction mark's arc took. the good news is i get it now. 😁 )

misinterpretations aside, this was a solid chapter. natalie's brother being a member of orca totally blindsided me, and the way you've arranged it so that basically ALL the right (wrong?) things happen to push natalie away from magma and towards orca is *chef's kiss*. mark attacked her, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, archie is there... it all lines up so perfectly, i love stories that just click like this. i will say that the battle didn't fully hold my attention, but i know that's just a preference thing and that some people eat battles up so i won't give you grief for it. :p i know i said that last chapter was the one where i knew this fic was for me, but this chapter was the one that made me unable to put it down until i was finished with it, haha.
Both Gibs and Luna jumped to intercept it. They seemed to know instinctively how to move together.
foreshadowing!?

Luna, all muscle and snarls
not sure about luna BEING snarls.

Luna and Gibs flanked them on either side, Amelia flew jerkily overhead, and the solrock brought up the rear.
she knows orwell's name, right? why does everyone else get named but it doesn't?

She said, "Why were you helping them?"

"Which them?" he replied coolly.

"Either. Both."
there's more than one option? it seemed clear to me that she just meant magma, i can't think of what else she might have meant.

Mark looked hurt, almost, or maybe only disgusted. Then he recovered. "That wasn't us. It was a cop in plainclothes. Do you know what an agent provocateur is?"

That's convenient. She thought better of it and pushed it down.
convenient for who? foh natale >:(

Mark grinned savagely. "Back for more? Need me to make those eyes match?"
damn. cool guy alert.

Several things happened at once. ...
looove this sequence. the sense of concurrency really pulled me in.

Natalie sat up and found herself facing the graying muzzle of a mightyena missing the top of its right ear. She choked. "Justice?"

His tail thumped—only once, but still. This was her brother's mightyena, and he remembered her, too.
ohhhhh, dang!!!! i think i said it in the discord before but this caught me tooootally off guard.
The crawdaunt's claws flashed with black fire. It jabbed, and the purple light shield surrounding Mark ripped like tissue—

The solrock thrust itself between Mark and the crawdaunt's claw—

The woman leapt down—
i like the structure here, with each sentence ending in a dash. built a lot of suspense.

The starmie made an eerie, warped sound and floated to the woman's side, seething with purple light.
"seething with light" doesn't seem right to me.
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
@qva, these continue to be such a treat to read! I love that you’ve been reviewing in pairs. Makes a lot of sense when some of these chapters are meant to mirror each other. (Maybe I can finish chapter 12 by the time you’re getting ready to review 11! 😤 They’re definitely opposite sides of one coin.)

this is the chapter where i knew for sure this story was for me.
:quag:
Same, honestly. A lot of what I care about in this story is right here.

i enjoyed natalie's progression on the presence of police throughout the chapter,
She’s learning so much today. 🙃 (Shocked pikachu face)

her attitude on magma changing throughout the course of the chapter had me really wondering whether she would join magma by the end,
NICE. I’m glad! Because, uh, Mark was wondering, too! 🙃

are these banners protest-related? if so this seems like it would be a good spot to set the stage and hint at the context of the protest a little.
Ah, I can maybe clarify. It’s definitely more messaging along the lines of Hell No, DevCo!

but i like the idea of manectric instead. beyond just fitting well because hoenn, they're also kinda like tasers mixed with dogs, lol.
You’re exactly right. My mom is also reading, to my continued amusement; I mostly let her form her own mental images of what the jargon means, but I do occasionally spell things out for her when it’s important, and manectric was “blue taser wolf.”

i guess the master balls are used by law enforcement to capture pokémon already owned by other trainers?
Yup! Our hard-working officers are putting themselves in harm’s way, and we need to keep them safe!!!!! They also definitely do have guns, which I think are otherwise uncommon in this setting.

this cracked me up pretty good. surprisingly i'm not sure i've heard this before.
It’s underused!!! I like it because ... yeah, I would not like to be called that? But it’s also kinda soft to my ear? It sounds kinda young and earnest to me. Our girl is New At This.

i'm immediately forming strong associations with real-world groups. beyond the familiarity of it, though, it's interesting to know that hoenn is colonized—i wonder if the indigenous people of hoenn will play a role in the plot?
Oh, excellent, excellent. Yeah, bringing Zinnia into Chapter 6 opened up a real Pandora’s box! It’s actually a big part of what I’m working through right now. Very excited to tease out more of that conversation. And stressed because there are so many wrong answers. *sad chapter 12 sounds *

hm, isn't it? is there a reason she expects him not to be there?
(It’s really much more ridiculous that she expects to be able to spot him.) Her stance here is that he’s all talk—I could clarify that.

i like the way natalie motivates herself through the protest, first to attend and then to participate and then to stick around, by comparing herself to her brother rather than of her own personal conviction. really emphasizes her level of separation from the matter at hand.
Yes! Early Natalie is very much a sponge for other people’s expectations.
this brought to mind the conversation in the discord earlier today about the word "comrade," haha. "earth's army" is so cheesy and self-serious at the same time, i love it. by the way the term "red bloc" really evokes the eastern bloc and communism for me—is that intentional?
A little bit! Earth’s Army was something I’d considered calling them back in 2018 and left in here because it sounded enough like that “go team/FTP” rile up a crowd energy. Red bloc is more about me pasting over the Antifa black bloc with Hoenn imagery, BUT I don’t mind that it evokes communism either. Magma parties absolutely involve a lot of drunken rants about Marx, lol.

pokémon as riot control is an interesting thought. why spend time and money and energy developing weapons when we've already domesticated magic poison dispensers and living flamethrowers? kind of puts into context how horrible a pokémon war would be.
Pokemon wars would be a really ugly affair. You get the nuclear option pretty much immediately with some pokemon. Plus teleporting, wtf.

i wonder if this is the same camerupt that appears at the pipeline later or if that's just a coincidence...?
It might be! It might not! 🤷

but the first time, i had no idea what was setting mark off.
He hadn’t had his coffee yet.

my assumption on my first readthrough was that he'd been cornered and feared for his life, and was using natalie as more or less a hostage in an attempt to escape unscathed. that is very much not what was happening, but it was what i pieced together having not made the connection that mark thought natalie was orca-affiliated—and on re-read, that connection isn't actually spelled out.
Fair! It hadn’t crossed my mind, because ORCA wouldn’t necessarily care about a rando. But they definitely care about her. In a previous version, Scarlet uses Natalie’s name. I cut it because ... IDK, Archie is actually weirdly guarded, despite also being loud and charismatic. But, thinking about it again ... if Scarlet recognizes her at all, why not know her name???

i will say that the battle didn't fully hold my attention, but i know that's just a preference thing and that some people eat battles up so i won't give you grief for it. :p
Totally fair! Was it the jumbled-ness of the battle, the unclear stakes? Or just not your thing so much?

but this chapter was the one that made me unable to put it down until i was finished with it, haha.
Glad the battle wasn’t enough to put you off. :D Yay!

foreshadowing!?
👀
I would never.

she knows orwell's name, right? why does everyone else get named but it doesn't?
Good point!

there's more than one option? it seemed clear to me that she just meant magma, i can't think of what else she might have meant.
Ah, my thinking was a) why are you, someone I thought was a maybe cool normal guy, with Magma? And b) why are you, someone with Magma, protecting protesters at all?

convenient for who? foh natale >:(
I’ve seen so many people doubting him on this one! This line really brings out people’s biases!! Haha. My take is that Mark definitely believed this ... but also Magma can be kinda wacky, so who knows.

damn. cool guy alert.
He definitely thinks so. Gotta give him a few good lines to balance out all the 🙃.

Thanks again for taking the time to comment! I imagine they take a while since you’re rereading/skimming, but I love hearing your thoughts. 😍
 
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Flaze

Don't stop, keep walking
Location
Chile
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. infernape
I have to admit, I'm a bad reviewer. I read this chapter like three weeks ago and just kind of kept forgetting to review it. I'll be leaving my reviewing card on the way out.

But seriously chapter 11 was such a big chapter, so many things happened in regards to character development and movement that it felt like it was kid of a milestone for Natalie's journey. I think what jumped at me most was how the crux of the chapter, and the conclusion behind it, lied in Natalie's desire for helping.

We've seen it multiple times throughout the story such as when she joined the protest in chapter 3 o her battle with Mark in chapter 9. Natalie feels like she's been living with a wool over her eyes, like she's just another cog in the machine. She doesn't want to just live a "normal" life like what everyone around her tells her, but she also doesn't just want to be a trainer that wastes her time dreaming about something abstract that doesn't accomplish anything in the grand scheme of things. Natalie wants to make a change, to feel like her life was worth living.

That's something that you state pretty outright in this chapter but the way you do it is both great and tragic. That feeling of not knowing where your life will end up, what you should do with it, and the fear of wasting your shot is very real and hits very close to home. That's why Natalie's conversation with her mom was really cute to me, because in a way it was her finally opening up to someone and talking about what's really bothering her and the way her mom helps her and tries to makes her feel better is really endearing.

Which just makes the fact that she ends up joining Orca a little more heart-breaking. At the same time, I can't say I blame her either. Orca isn't perfect, but they're not as bad as the news make them out to be, they care and they're a makeshift family. They give people a place where they can belong and feel like they're doing something good. Of course, their radical actions aren't justified, but can you really blame them when they're world their fighting is one where change comes in slowly and it feels like everyone tries their hardest to stop it from happening? Sure, Magma caused the oil spill but one can also make a case for why we allow such facilities to be so close to nature where all it takes is one match for it all to go bust.

And well I'm kind of rambling at this point but I think that's where the main struggle of the chapter lied. I did feel like it was a little too long though? Like it kind of felt like we read two chapters in a way because the segments leading up to Natalie accepting to help Archie and what happens after seems kind of like two different chapters in a way.

Anyways, another thing I appreciated here is more focus on the supporting characters, not outright focus but it felt like there was a lot more attention paid to their interactions with each other, as well as what Natalie thought. I haven't talked too much about Orca but I really liked your interpretation of Shelly, which tends to vary greatly depending on the medium you're looking at her from.

Archie's character is also really interesting because he does give off that vibe of someone that's just been burned by the world too many times. He puts up a tough front but he kind of feels...fragile in a way, like he'll shatter if you get too close or something. I also liked the parallelism you did between him and his dad to show that while they clash constantly they're both very alike, equally loud and bright-eyed while also both equally pushy and stubborn.

The last thing I'll note as a general commentary is the tidbits of worldbuilding we got throughout the chapter. My favorite one was the barrier set up around the docks to keep wild pokemon from entering. It makes sense, and it's something I've always wondered about how cities deal with wild pokemon, since they are just there.

Your style and prose was also top-level here, emotions were palpable and graphic and you made me feel like I was watching one of those documentaries about oil-spill, which always break my heart.

Now for some, not so quick, line by lines:

Then, with a jar of peanut butter and the oran juice carton tucked under one arm, she dragged herself to the couch and curled up under a blanket like she did when she was sick. She nibbled peanut butter from a spoon and clicked through TV channels

That's me on saturday mornings, good times.

Planning her route across Hoenn, she'd swiped through dozens of photos, trainers and tourists posing on the crater ledge or hiking into the bowl—oblivious to the slow burbling of magma below. There was so much that people didn't pay attention to. The more Natalie learned about the world, the stupider she felt

This paragraph both showcases how much more aware Natalie is becoming about herself and the world around her and also highlights how little attention people tend to pay to nature. It also reminds me of the people that go to Chernobly to take selfies.

"The explosion occurred around 2:05 a.m., drenching an area the size of an Ever Grande stadium with oil. Some of the oil burned off in the fires that followed, but by the time the pipeline could be shut down, an estimated two million liters had already spilled. We go now to the terrifying footage from last night."

Holy shit D:

"We study volcanic activity to predict the likelihood of violent, destructive eruptions. Of course, there's no such thing as absolute certainty when it comes to volcanoes, but as of right now, there's no reason to be overly concerned."

Foreshadowing, I see you.

To hundreds of grimer and muk making their way down downstream from Mauville City, an oil spill looks like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Given a large enough food supply, a population of grimers can double in as little as one day."

This was another little detail I really liked. Grimer's always known as the toxic waste pokemon but it's interesting to see how they can actually become an inconvinience or how they feed off situtions like this. It's ironic because they're a species born out of human idiocy, so a better environment means grimer will die out?

And he would know. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck them. Rage and disgust throbbed in every aching inch of her.

Do you need to take a breath, Natalie?

At the edge of the scorched grass, she paused with her hands on her hips, taking shallow breaths. Out on the water, skimmers drifted like aquatic roombas inside the oil containment booms. Bulldozers assisted by machokes scraped up piles of pulverized concrete and then rumbled away with them. A helicopter chattered noisily overhead. Under a canopy tent, pairs of volunteers gently sponged oil-dark pelippers; many more birds lay heaped along the water, unmoving and difficult to distinguish from the mud except for a jutting wing or beak. Both sorrow and purposefulness hung thick in the air, the crowd quiet but in constant motion. And as she'd seen in the news report, ORCA worked several yards from the next closest volunteers.

This paragraph immediately paints a picture of the whole situation, and in very excruciating detail. I love it.

The girl primly folded her clipboard against her neon vest. "At this time, we are only taking in volunteers who've filled out the online form."

I mean I get this is for the safety of everyone involved but come on, can't you have a form right there?

"Do not fuck with blue today. This is our coast."

Okay, this was just badass.

"Hadn't she already evolved the last time I was here?" Natalie had been fresh off her first badge then, bursting with confidence and the thrill of adventure. Returning home the first time had felt like wearing too-tight clothes. This time, home felt like an airbag cushioning her fall.

Again, another great way of showing us how Natalie's been changing over the last few weeks, right now she's so bogged down by everything that being home is like finally being in a place where she can relax.

"Daaaaad! Don't do that!" She whirled on him, grinning even as she swatted his hands away, but he pulled her off balance and into a hug.

"Haha, gotcha!" He turned her loose again. "Good to see you!"

"You scared the sh—" She caught herself. "You scared me!"

I really really really like this dialogue section. I feel like writing genuine famillial relations can be a little trickier than some people would think, but the body language here and the little inflections, interruptions and corrections of dialogue they do feel so genuine that I couldn't help but grin when I saw it.

The Secure-Tek barrier was nothing but a shimmer in the air, several hundred feet before the buildings. It would allow pokeballs through but not a loose pokemon, keeping away wild wingull

Again, loved this little detail.

Finally, in a neon blur, the porygon zipped across the distance between them and dove into Natalie's watch screen, masked by the glow of welding torches all around. A moment later, her Gear vibrated with a text alert: ; )

Cheekky little bugger isn't it?

Natalie clutched his arm. She dug for a scrap of the truth he deserved to hear, an apology, a promise—but all she managed was, "Thanks, Dad."

You're a criminal now, Natalie. Congratulations. Nah I'm just kidding, she's in a very complicated spot right now.

Natalie could practically hear her testing words in her mind. Did she somehow know? The thought turned Natalie's guts to ice, and she watched Mom's face with bated breath.

Silly Natalie, moms always know what you're thinking even before you think it.

Mom tucked Natalie's hair behind her ear, and she dissolved into Mom's embrace. For a while, Mom simply held her.

Another really cute, albeit sad, parent-child moment that made me ;c

"Nobody has it all figured out at eighteen. You'll figure out what you need at your own pace."

Nobody has it figured out at 25, or 30, or 50 or...who has it figured out really?

Mom considered that for a moment. "I think the most important thing is to try to be as kind as possible as often as possible and leave the world a little brighter than you found it."

Natalie shook her head, burrowing her face deeper into Mom's neck. "Is that enough?"

"I don't know about enough. Each of us can only do the best we can." She began to stroke Natalie's hair. "But don't underestimate the power of kindness, Natalie. Sometimes the little things are the most important."

I can agree with her mom's philosophy but I can also see why Natalie would think that kindness isn't nearly enough, considering what she's seen.

"I want ..." I want you and Dad to make up. To go back to when things were simpler. But had things ever really been simple, or was it only that she hadn't known enough to spot the cracks in the photo frame? She spat out, "I want a better world."

Don't we all?

Shelly's eyes flicked to Scarlet and then to Archie. She nodded as if coming to a decision. "You could ride with me. You'd be a good fit for the Riv. If you can follow orders and keep your head under pressure, you could learn a lot with my crew."
But was she really going to stay in Slateport for the rest of her life? Take up a job at the shipyard? Look away and tune it out when Magma appeared on the news? How was that leaving the world brighter than she'd found it?

I already said it before, but since you did it literally here. Yes, I do love how this chapter acts as the point where Natalie has to choose what path to take. It's interesting reading stories where being a trainer is kind of seen as this "in-between" stage, like it's something you do while you try to figure out what else to do with your life, kind of like taking a leap year.

Shelly smiled and pulled her back down into the booth. "Welcome to the family, Natalie."

Well, no turning back now is there?
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Thanks as always, @Flaze!

Natalie wants to make a change, to feel like her life was worth living.
Yes! She’s been wanting that since Chapter 1, and this is the first time it’s felt within reach for her.

I did feel like it was a little too long though? Like it kind of felt like we read two chapters in a way because the segments leading up to Natalie accepting to help Archie and what happens after seems kind of like two different chapters in a way.
It IS a long chapter. I’m not terribly inclined to split it, but I could if other readers seem to agree.

Of course, their radical actions aren't justified, but can you really blame them when they're world their fighting is one where change comes in slowly and it feels like everyone tries their hardest to stop it from happening?
Yup, exactly. They’re radical, but it is rooted in caring about real problems. That’s really the one thing I wanted to do for Magma and Aqua here in CD! Glad it’s coming through.

I haven't talked too much about Orca but I really liked your interpretation of Shelly, which tends to vary greatly depending on the medium you're looking at her from.
Yeah, I’m doing a weird juggling of characters and relationships I invented in high school (like Scarlet) and then patching in the expected canon characters to fit the roles I still need. And ORCA needed some tough girl solidarity. Other characters I’m not sure yet if or how they’ll appear. Cora and Courtney I think overlap too much for me to include her—I like Cora better! And RSE Tabitha and Mark cover a lot of the same territory, so Divides Tabitha has a pretty different agenda now.

The last thing I'll note as a general commentary is the tidbits of worldbuilding we got throughout the chapter. My favorite one was the barrier set up around the docks to keep wild pokemon from entering. It makes sense, and it's something I've always wondered about how cities deal with wild pokemon, since they are just there.
Oh yeah, that thing I slapped in because I needed to justify having Natalie go steal data in person? ;) I’m gonna have to remember I’ve invented this and use it consistently! 😅

Foreshadowing, I see you.
What ever could you possibly mean? Everything is chill and normal.

This paragraph both showcases how much more aware Natalie is becoming about herself and the world around her and also highlights how little attention people tend to pay to nature.
Slowly but surely, learning of a kind is happening.

This was another little detail I really liked. Grimer's always known as the toxic waste pokemon but it's interesting to see how they can actually become an inconvinience or how they feed off situtions like this. It's ironic because they're a species born out of human idiocy, so a better environment means grimer will die out?
I was thinking about eutrophication!

I mean I get this is for the safety of everyone involved but come on, can't you have a form right there?
Yeah, IRL, untrained volunteers likely wouldn’t be allowed on site at all. But this lady is definitely just trying to make a smol, eventually ineffective stand against ORCA.

You're a criminal now, Natalie. Congratulations. Nah I'm just kidding, she's in a very complicated spot right now.
No, she definitely did a crime! :grin: 🙃

Nobody has it figured out at 25, or 30, or 50 or...who has it figured out really?
Nobody in Hoenn for sure.

It's interesting reading stories where being a trainer is kind of seen as this "in-between" stage, like it's something you do while you try to figure out what else to do with your life, kind of like taking a leap year.
Absolutely. It’s a lot like a gap year or taking a couple years at community college. I also think of it like an arts degree: sounds just lovely ... if you can afford to do it! But it’s a big investment and it’s hard to make a career out of it.

Well, no turning back now is there?
🙃

Hopefully I can piece together the new chapter soon! It’s got a lot of moving pieces, and I’ve been struggling to connect a few of them. But still going!! 😤💪
 
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Navar

Professional Mudkip Lover
Location
Brazil
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. swampert
  2. chesnaught-apron
  3. lucario-mega
Hi. Here for the blitz. Guess this is the third trainerfic I'm reading today. Oh well, this one is set in Hoenn?! Oh yeah! Hoenn is my favorite region from them all! This first chapter was fun to read. I'm gonna give you my general thoughts on characters, description and I'm ending the review with some specific comments on a few parts.

For starters, it took me some time to figure out Natalie was in Rustboro of all places. I have no idea why, I'm just stupid, I guess. Oh well, now, Natalie seems like a nice protagonist, and she has a Poochyena! Severely underused Pokémon, gotta say. Sadly, she spent most of the time in the bar, so there were few scenes with the dog/hyena mon. Oh well, I guess it was necessary for the plot.

Speaking of plot, the bar scene was very rich in details, I'm always looking to see how people describe scenery, and with all those fics, I think I might get some ideas. Anyway, I loved the descriptions and how Natalie was acting there. I could tell how her personality is and that's a very good thing. Points for you, I guess!

And lastly we're introduced to someone from Unova. Oh boy, two of my favorite regions! Mark is... Interesting. He barely appears and can already make a good impression on me. I'm looking forward to the rest of this story. Good work!

Now for the "specific comments" part.

The walls were cluttered with a mix of local sports team banners, vintage liquor posters, and weirdly nautical decor. Among other oddities, Natalie spotted a ship in a bottle and a mermaid figurehead wrapped in string lights. The patrons gathered at the tables were locals—mostly dock-hands, day laborers, and union folks, not trainers. On the Rocks probably wasn't in the guidebook, a world apart from the flashy cocktail bars and clubs downtown, but Natalie liked this better. She wondered if her brother had ever come here, whether anyone knew him.
This. This is the description I'm very fond of. Ironically, I can't exactly describe what's so fun about this, but I read it a couple of times and I think it was well done.

On visits home, he'd humored her, taking her out on the bay for a pokemon ride or schooling her at checkers, but they hadn't talked about anything real
Good prose. Showing how Natalie thinks of her father. Well done!

"Area girl fatally murdered by crime. Details at eleven."

"Right." She grinned. "I'm Natalie, by the way."

"Mark. Cheers, Natalie." He raised his glass.
Should I be laughing at this? I don't think I should be. Not that it's bad, it's just that this is dark humor and made me chuckle for a bit. This interaction was very fun and I liked it.

Well, this was it. A nice story. I think trainerfics can be just as fun as PMD fics, so I might check more of this story out, alongside the other three I read today. Good work.

navarchu_blitz.png
 

kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
  9. celebi
Ch 11--how time flies! I forgot how chunky this one is + how much happens; I like it. I kept thinking that the shipyard scene had to have been in the next one simply because there's so much shit already going down, but I think you keep the tempo in a decent spot throughout.

I like how this is a chapter about family, but you turn a lot of things on their head. Dad chafes with his progressive daughter + Mom just doesn't want family dinner ruined; but at the same time, Dad really is proud and worried about her and Mom's speech about doing right and trying your best rings really hollow in the face of what she's giving Natalie the courage to do. It's a fun exercise in like, applying the right advice and reactions to all the wrong situations. Good job Natalie, you're doing great. And then finally, when she ends up finding her family by the end--she seeks them out for vengeance and because they'll give her what she wants (even if what she wants is both a vague and nebulous goal of a better world); they finally accept her when it's clear that she's able to deliver as well. It's a good corruption and I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

I'm glad we finally get a bit of time for Natalie to think through her decisions--I feel like this is one of the first chapters since attending the protest where she's making a conscious decision and weighing the consequences, instead of a spur of the moment thing or a reaction. Even though she's arguably not doing that weighing very well, it's nice to get in her head a little when she gets to take matters into her own hands here.

I like the differentiation between man-made ecological disasters and natural ecological disasters. Silly Natalie. I am also sure that absolutely nothing bad will happen in which man will awaken a natural ecological disaster.

huh, turns out I do still have line edits post beta.

Chapter 11: The Water Bearer
well actually i'm not an aquarius i'm a capri--

She pulled the blankets over her head, not wanting to rise from oblivion.
I'm not sure if "oblivion" is the right word here following the description of how painful the headache is. Seems like you'd want something a little less peaceful, or maybe something to specify that oblivion referred to the moments before she remembered that getting a psychic concussion sucks.

So Mom had heard her come in last night after all.
wdym detective natalie your plan was fucking foolproof parents never notice people sneaking into their houses late at night

Kraft Single
I like how Kraft is universal in a world of our-world-adjacent branding

Dense, curdled clouds bulged over Mount Chimney
"curdled" is an excellent word here

Planning her route across Hoenn, she'd swiped through dozens of photos, trainers and tourists posing on the crater ledge or hiking into the bowl
this isn't your fault but anyway I kept reading "she'd swiped through dozens of photos, trainers and tourists" as an oxford comma thing where she's swiping through photos and trainers and tourists, and I thought you'd enjoy the mental image of aggro natalie on EMBR with random volcano tourists

oblivious to the slow burbling of magma below
but she'd thought it was long dead
not sure if "dead" is the word if you can still see magma beneath--maybe "dormant"? At first I'd be game to not let her know volcano terminology, but "dead" seems like a silly descriptor if she can literally see magma (which, excellent word choice yay sad MGMA sounds; if you can see it it's above ground and is actually lava over magma but I'm way more on-board with her not knowing that difference).

Masks are recommended for travelers on routes 111, 113, and 114
oh hey it's the real world
There was no escaping it, was there? Hoenn was exploding from one end to the other, whether by acts of nature or human stupidity.
OH HEY IT'S THE--

The footage cut to a woman absently patting her graveler's head. Professor Anna Karst, apparently.
I wanted a different description here--it becomes obvious that she's like, side-patting the graveler while talking, but at first I'm just imagining the camera framed up on the two of them and Prof Karst is just patting the camera and it's B-reel footage instead of an interview.

The text blurb announced the next speaker simply as Redbird. Natalie thought immediately of Erica Spitfire, that same weathered face and fierce delivery. He used words like groundwater contamination and ecological niche, but they washed against her without sinking in—it was too much, too awful.
I like how you have these guys in the background--"there's nothing I can do except become an eco-terrorist", Natalie says forlornly, surrounded by tons of local activist groups who could need her help. It's not even that she goes through the Archie process of "these guys aren't doing anything"; it's just, detective natalie puts together all the pieces and makes the only logical conclusion.

Despair pressed Natalie down like a hand to her chest.
This one felt a bit too obvious--the reactions here are pretty good, but there's a lot of despair/sorrow being explicitly stated in this scene, and I'm not sure if you needed it.

Had they left and come back, or had they been there all through the night?

She should've stayed.
2/10 needs more detective natalie concluding that the only thing they could've done is all went home to Shelly's mom's place and changed into their jammies

"What you're seeing is the natural consequence of allowing corporations to self-regulate—they don't."
"What the fuck was that?" Natalie demanded of the TV. Had they actually just hijacked Channel 10? She drew her anger around herself like a shield to keep the worry out.
I sorta wanted her to be a bit more surprised here? Like, it's a big leap to go to "oh there we go again, the eco-terrorists hacking the entire public broadcasting network--has this happened before? Is this really her first thought? Not like, "oh, this is a strange viral marketing strategy"?
although tbf detective natalie would KNOW because she is always FORTY STEPS AHEAD

"Girl, you don't want that hair on TV. Where the hell did you go? Sinbad's been freaking out."
I like the subtle nod here that she doesn't think about this earlier

Pointing with her chin, she said, "I'm going to help those guys round up grimer."
puffbird v4.0

Together, they turned their gazes to Natalie's pants leg, which was caked with purple sludge. "Let's, uh, hose that off."
ship of theseus but with grimer--if a grimer is caught, but another grimer takes some of the first grimers sludge as its own ...

Absolutely, she wanted to say, but she also knew that wasn't all he was asking. She felt the undertow's pull beneath his words. It was an invitation, one that set her heart beating in a sickening rhythm. Instead, she stared into the distance and said, "Someone has to. And it probably won't be the cops."
I think it's Very Telling that she leans towards making them pay here

"Sin. We don't know her." Natalie jumped; she hadn't noticed Scarlet's approach. Scarlet held herself at a distance, like a wild zigzagoon eyeing a camper's plate and waiting for the opportunity to pounce.
Knowing now how the chapter ends--is this rehearsed? Scarlet acts like this is a real mission, not like "wtf? we aren't doing anything at the shipyard". Deleted scene of Archie running through all the double-cross plans and how to deal with them accordingly when tbh

Natalie couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't worry him more, so she took a large bite instead. "Mm," she said, nodding.
haha mood

If there had been more arrests in Rustboro, maybe she wouldn't have encountered Mark out on the marsh—or maybe she would've been arrested instead. She winced, remembering the manectric teeth snapping together inches away from her face, and she set down her fork.
I think it's very telling that her go-to is this instead of, well, anything else

The problem, of course, was that he was a foreign invader. How many times had she heard Dad rail against Kantoan ships for tracking invasive shellder into the harbor? They have no idea what that does to the local economy! Shellder stayed small in the warm waters, undesirable to most trainers but the perfect size to infiltrate drainage pipes and choke them shut.
loved this detail, super cute, didn't even pick up that she'd have had to trade for a gurdurr and this could cause tension with her dad

"I will," she said. And a porygon.
The phrasing here is hard since she's answering "bring your gurdurr and we'll put you to work", so "I will" kind of applies to "I'll work" instead of "I'll bring"

"That would be Design. That's where our engineers draft the plans we build from. I'll show you what some of those look like later."
I don't think they'd have the main engineering design branch directly in the shipyard? Maybe like a field office where a few of the head engineers come by to supervise, but usually engineers don't do the bulk of the design work directly in the main shipyard (noise, OSHA, zoning laws usually aren't conducive to putting shipyards in a place where you'd want to make everyone commute, etc)

Then she had to coax him into pausing his one-handed military presses to fit the beam into the rig.
best boi

"This is my daughter, home from training. She's already got three badges."
I really love the energy here--it's very "this is my son, he plays football for Auburn". Would training have similar prestige?

She looked up in time to catch a distant flash of blue and pink zigzagging along the support struts of a ship-in-progress.
Finally, in a neon blur, the porygon zipped across the distance between them and dove into Natalie's watch screen, masked by the glow of welding torches all around.
bit torn here--if there's active welding, they should all have hoods down so neon Zinfandel would actually be almost invisible here, strictly be virtue of being a bright light

I also like the side energy of like, Archie instructing Zinfandel to go into the shipyard, fuck around for a bit, and then come back. Do they actually take anything or is this all just a test? Rip Zinf if Natalie was a narc lol

Mom considered that for a moment. "I think the most important thing is to try to be as kind as possible as often as possible and leave the world a little brighter than you found it."
brighter, as in on fire, got it, good, yes

Shelly smiled and pulled her back down into the booth. "Welcome to the family, Natalie."
good closer! really drive that family guilt home.
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Hi, @kintsugi. ❤ Talked about some of these in DMs. Here's the director's extended cut.

but I think you keep the tempo in a decent spot throughout.
Yay! Yeah, this one got soooo long. I keep looking at each new chapter in horror like, "Is this just what we're doing now? Is this how long they'll all be?"

I like how this is a chapter about family, but you turn a lot of things on their head
Much like a happy little quag being rotated 180 degrees .... But, yes! Glad this lands. Natalie's dad in particular is the kind of figure I only encounter on TV, so I was worried about getting him to subvert some stereotypes.

Mom's speech about doing right and trying your best rings really hollow in the face of what she's giving Natalie the courage to do
Oh, this is funny because I wasn't thinking so much about Mom's words empowering Natalie to go forward with Aqua but that Natalie does it despite Mom's words. I think vengeance vs. kindness/forgiveness will be continuing themes (especially if I'm going to make good on my threat to make this a love story).

I'm glad we finally get a bit of time for Natalie to think through her decisions--I feel like this is one of the first chapters since attending the protest where she's making a conscious decision and weighing the consequences, instead of a spur of the moment thing or a reaction. Even though she's arguably not doing that weighing very well, it's nice to get in her head a little when she gets to take matters into her own hands here.
Yes! I feel bad that you have to sit through her being so passive and reactionary for so long before we get here (it's technically only half the chapters ... but it is still an entire half of the chapters, lol) BUT the good news is that I think she'll be a lot more active going forward.

I like the differentiation between man-made ecological disasters and natural ecological disasters. Silly Natalie. I am also sure that absolutely nothing bad will happen in which man will awaken a natural ecological disaster.
That's a really interesting point! This time I was thinking mostly literally about in-story events, but it really does tie into the way some people are eager to dismiss environmental disasters as "acts of God" when, like ... no, actually, we could've been doing things that would've made Katrina less bad. Just to name one of so many, many examples. There's a lot more interplay between manmade and natural disasters than we think. We are smol and not actually the center of the universe ... but, yup, our action (and inaction) do matter on a larger scale.

I like how Kraft is universal in a world of our-world-adjacent branding
I figured it was the best way to drive home that very specific image. Which, to me, is maybe a class signifier? Or at least a signifier of the depths of Natalie's self-pitying laziness here.

not sure if "dead" is the word if you can still see magma beneath--maybe "dormant"? At first I'd be game to not let her know volcano terminology, but "dead" seems like a silly descriptor if she can literally see magma (which, excellent word choice yay sad MGMA sounds; if you can see it it's above ground and is actually lava over magma but I'm way more on-board with her not knowing that difference).
I'll find a way to clarify, but she’s retroactively photoshopping her memory magma below the surface because she knows now it must’ve been there.

I wanted a different description here--it becomes obvious that she's like, side-patting the graveler while talking, but at first I'm just imagining the camera framed up on the two of them and Prof Karst is just patting the camera and it's B-reel footage instead of an interview.
Do you think reordering would help? First name-drop, then a description of what she's doing? None of this is that important either, honestly. Just wanted to make this scientist a lady.

I like how you have these guys in the background--"there's nothing I can do except become an eco-terrorist", Natalie says forlornly, surrounded by tons of local activist groups who could need her help. It's not even that she goes through the Archie process of "these guys aren't doing anything"; it's just, detective natalie puts together all the pieces and makes the only logical conclusion.
I'll expand this a little more too, as per Pen's suggestion: show the activists looking a little limp, not being taken seriously. And Orca is taken Very Seriously. 🙃 Deadly serious. I think you might also be right that this is a place to echo Mark calling Spitfire a hippie, because he's going to do that again in the next chapter.

This one felt a bit too obvious--the reactions here are pretty good, but there's a lot of despair/sorrow being explicitly stated in this scene, and I'm not sure if you needed it.
Oh, hm. I feel like I was responding to a comment in the G Doc, but I might've overdone it.

2/10 needs more detective natalie concluding that the only thing they could've done is all went home to Shelly's mom's place and changed into their jammies
OMG but this is adorable. Little raindrop-patterned footie pajamas.

I sorta wanted her to be a bit more surprised here? Like, it's a big leap to go to "oh there we go again, the eco-terrorists hacking the entire public broadcasting network--has this happened before? Is this really her first thought? Not like, "oh, this is a strange viral marketing strategy"?
although tbf detective natalie would KNOW because she is always FORTY STEPS AHEAD
Oh, I could play it up! You're right that I have her shoving down fear before we really get a sense of her fear.

I like the subtle nod here that she doesn't think about this earlier
Pen made fun of me for the subtle poetry of "red hair/blue bandana/red fire" but this was exactly my point--homegirl has not had to consider in this way how very visible and distinguishing her hair is.

puffbird v4.0
It's actually Shelly saying this! I'll clarify.

I think it's very telling that her go-to is this instead of, well, anything else
I think it's her most major experience with police! And the most recent.

The phrasing here is hard since she's answering "bring your gurdurr and we'll put you to work", so "I will" kind of applies to "I'll work" instead of "I'll bring"
Easy fix. Will do.

I'm not sure if "oblivion" is the right word here following the description of how painful the headache is. Seems like you'd want something a little less peaceful, or maybe something to specify that oblivion referred to the moments before she remembered that getting a psychic concussion sucks.
Hm, less easy fix. I'll think on it. Let me know if you have a flash of genius.

Knowing now how the chapter ends--is this rehearsed? Scarlet acts like this is a real mission, not like "wtf? we aren't doing anything at the shipyard". Deleted scene of Archie running through all the double-cross plans and how to deal with them accordingly when tbh
So, I don't think she knows here that he wants to test baby sis. I imagine he told her ("Fucking relax, Scar,") after this scene when Natalie is gone.

I don't think they'd have the main engineering design branch directly in the shipyard? Maybe like a field office where a few of the head engineers come by to supervise, but usually engineers don't do the bulk of the design work directly in the main shipyard (noise, OSHA, zoning laws usually aren't conducive to putting shipyards in a place where you'd want to make everyone commute, etc)
Haha, I remember you saying this in beta. I don't doubt this is true! I'm going off of one specific Australian company that has a shipyard tour on Youtube. It's convenient to me, and if they can have it, then so can I!! I do also think that the Slateport shipyard is a big enough deal that they might have this weird exception.

I really love the energy here--it's very "this is my son, he plays football for Auburn". Would training have similar prestige?
I think it would! I imagine a lot of trainers don't finish.

bit torn here--if there's active welding, they should all have hoods down so neon Zinfandel would actually be almost invisible here, strictly be virtue of being a bright light

I also like the side energy of like, Archie instructing Zinfandel to go into the shipyard, fuck around for a bit, and then come back. Do they actually take anything or is this all just a test? Rip Zinf if Natalie was a narc lol
I remember talking about this in beta too--sorry for making you say it twice! 😭 I'm not sure how to work around this except to nervously handwave like, "Hahaha, isn't technology in the pokemon world amazing!?" I want Dad to be distracted (and for Natalie not to blind herself by having her hood up). * Anxious editing sounds * Open to ideas, but for now ... will probably just let this smol plot hole sit here. Stuffing the plot holes full of cute porygon.

I think they actually do take some data, yes! Like, not mission-critical if Natalie bails/fails, but nice to have if she does get it!

well actually i'm not an aquarius i'm a capri--
Oh shit, almost forgot. DON'T TEMPT ME, lol. I'll just make a fucking calendar with oddly specific horoscopes that are unhelpful to every other Sag in the world but terribly relevant to Natalie: "Be cautious of new friends, but get excited for reuinons with old connections! Now might be a good time to take a journey by boat! Or, like, the worst time. IDK, stay in school, kid."

Thank you for not only beta-ing but then also taking extra time to write in-depth thoughts about it. <3 Even if it IS for the points for a contest you can't win because you're hosting lol. ;)
 
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HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
  4. lycanroc-wes
  5. leafeon-rui
HOENN SQUAD HOENN SQUAD

All right, it’s time to pull this from the list and actually start READING the thing! Been meaning to check this one out for a long time, actually, when I first saw it get recommended on the Pokémon fan fiction subreddit. After reading the first chapter, it’s very easy to see why this comes so highly recommended!

Right off the bat, your scene setting is just *chefs kiss* MARVELOUS. You’re vague enough that I have room to fill in the gaps with my own visualizations, but specific enough to give a solid, overall feel and vibe and color to each place. Definitely need to take some notes on your scene-setting tactics, I think!

The way you casually slip in character descriptions, background info, and general info about the world is really masterful. It reads so smoothly, and never leaves me wondering what a person looks like or where things are happening, but it also avoids any exposition dumps, which I’m very grateful for. (Exposition tends to make my eyes glaze over so fast, lol.)

The dialogue?? Is?? So great?? Very natural and very reflective of who is speaking. *furiously takes more notes because I love it so much*

now for some specific line-by-line feedback!

This morning it had been something about MGMA—Magma, the Masked Group for Mass Action

Oooh! Magma is an acronym! And it already gives a decent sense of what they stand for — they sound more like an activist group than a gang of thugs.


Sweet, smart Luna, who had eaten a pair of her sneakers in middle school but who always knew when something was wrong.

Haha, I loved this little detail. Not only does it make Luna endearing, but it tells the reader that she and Luna have been together for some time.

Natalie could tell they liked her cheering for them even though they both acted like the whole thing was no big deal.

Lol what a big brother thing to do.

The walls were cluttered with a mix of local sports team banners, vintage liquor posters, and weirdly nautical decor. Among other oddities, Natalie spotted a ship in a bottle and a mermaid figurehead wrapped in string lights. The patrons gathered at the tables were locals—mostly dock-hands, day laborers, and union folks, not trainers. On the Rocks probably wasn't in the guidebook, a world apart from the flashy cocktail bars and clubs downtown, but Natalie liked this better. She wondered if her brother had ever come here, whether anyone knew him.

There was a lot she didn't know about her brother's life. Much of what she did know she'd gleaned from reading between the lines of the emails he'd written to Dad—she'd still been "the kid" when he was writing, as in, Say hi to the kid for me. On visits home, he'd humored her, taking her out on the bay for a pokemon ride or schooling her at checkers, but they hadn't talked about anything real. Was campaign work what he'd wanted or just something he'd fallen into? What did he remember about his mom? Did it matter to him that she was only his half-sister? Had he ever been in love? She'd imagined dozens of conversations ... but his imagined answers were flavorless and unsatisfying.

I love how seamlessly this flows from the scenery to her thoughts about her brother. You’ve also brought up her brother very casually a few times, so this doesn’t feel out of place at all. Also... big brother either joined Magma/Aqua or he was killed trying to stand up to them. That’s my theory for now.

When she hopped onto the stool, she discovered to her annoyance that her feet didn't touch.

Heh, short girl problems, can relate.

Gods, no wonder he'd assumed she was following him—she had spent the better part of a week looking at him. Not that he seemed to mind it now.

Did she want this to go further?

Well, I was not expecting to see the tagged “romance” pop up so quickly, but ya know, I’m already shipping it. xD Good, solid banter will do that to me.

She didn't want to think too hard about what she'd do when she decided she'd had enough of this lifestyle.

Oh, uh, wasn’t expecting to be personally attacked like this. XD what a mood, though. Figuring out what you want to do with your life is hard.

Mark snorted. "There are all kinds of trainers. I see plenty of them every day, and almost none of them can see two inches past their own ambition. They have no clue about anything else going on. Just badges and bullshit."

Alliteration! Love it! And also...I’ve read enough fics to be on board with this statement. I can imagine that trainers would be a very unique crowd from the rest of society, for better or for worse.


Really, really loving this already! I’m so invested, and I’ll definitely be back soon to review more chapters!
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Oops, I did plan to respond to these comments before the new year, but oh well. Thank you both so much!

Sadly, she spent most of the time in the bar, so there were few scenes with the dog/hyena mon. Oh well, I guess it was necessary for the plot.
It is a chronic weakness of mine: in this setting, the pokemon are definitely secondary actors to their humans and are sometimes even subbed in as symbols for their humans. RIP. There is definitely more Luna content scattered throughout though! (And other good babies.)

Speaking of plot, the bar scene was very rich in details, I'm always looking to see how people describe scenery, and with all those fics, I think I might get some ideas.
Ooh, thanks! Glad that was working for you. I love scene-setting so you can talk to me about that stuff any time. ;)

Should I be laughing at this? I don't think I should be.
This is a line with a lot of dramatic irony packed in!! I think it's hilarious, but I also know what happens at the end of chapter 4, so. ;)

I think trainerfics can be just as fun as PMD fics, so I might check more of this story out, alongside the other three I read today.
Lovely sentiment, and I agree! Planning to stop by your fic soon, too! I know this is outside your comfort zone, so thanks so much for giving it some of your time.

Been meaning to check this one out for a long time, actually, when I first saw it get recommended on the Pokémon fan fiction subreddit. After reading the first chapter, it’s very easy to see why this comes so highly recommended!
Aww, that must've been Negrek! I remember seeing you around the subreddit, and I'm really glad you migrated over here! It's been great getting to know you and your fic a little better.

And, aw shucks, my heart!

Right off the bat, your scene setting is just *chefs kiss* MARVELOUS. You’re vague enough that I have room to fill in the gaps with my own visualizations, but specific enough to give a solid, overall feel and vibe and color to each place. Definitely need to take some notes on your scene-setting tactics, I think!
Thank you! It's definitely one of the things I love most in writing. <3

The way you casually slip in character descriptions, background info, and general info about the world is really masterful.
It only took me three tries lol. This one has been rewritten A LOT, but I think it paid off!

The dialogue?? Is?? So great?? Very natural and very reflective of who is speaking. *furiously takes more notes because I love it so much*
Ahh thank you! Another one that destroys me every time but I think does pay off. IDK if you're reading Salvage yet, but I think Negrek also does this really, really well.

they sound more like an activist group than a gang of thugs.
Porque no los dos? 👀

Also... big brother either joined Magma/Aqua or he was killed trying to stand up to them. That’s my theory for now.
A verrrrrry interesting theory! 👀 I guess we'll seeeeeeee!

Well, I was not expecting to see the tagged “romance” pop up so quickly, but ya know, I’m already shipping it. xD Good, solid banter will do that to me.
Yeah, that's a nice ship you got there. Sure hope nothing bad and dramatic happens to it.

Oh, uh, wasn’t expecting to be personally attacked like this. XD what a mood, though. Figuring out what you want to do with your life is hard.
Same, truly, truly. This is one area where I still really empathize with Natalie.

Really, really loving this already! I’m so invested, and I’ll definitely be back soon to review more chapters!
I'm so glad to hear it! And same to you--excited to get my daily dose of bacon. ;) Playdate for Mark and Wes when? (In the old, not-very-good 2010 draft, he wore a trench coat, too! LOL.)
 
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Chapter 12: The Salt of the Earth

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Chapter 12: The Salt of the Earth

The morning was unseasonably warm, even for Hoenn. This time of year back in Unova, the gutters sometimes froze solid, trash and all. Today, Mark was already sweating under his hoodie, and the sky over Route 115 was a barren blue. He checked the time on his phone to confirm what he already knew by the position of the sun: it was almost time to go.

Mark scanned the crowd, trying to figure out if anyone indispensable was missing. Some of his teammates perched on the sun-dappled boulders, talking quietly. Others stood apart with their pokemon or, like Mark, with a cigarette. He silently listed off names to himself, simultaneously pleased to be able to recognize even those who'd already pulled up their bandanas … and uneasy at the reminder that hiding his face, even in a crowd, had its limits.

He spotted Eben passing out water bottles; he hadn't seen him since Ridge Access. When Mark caught his eye, Eben flashed a grin with something new in it. Maybe pride in their latest guerrilla news bulletin, in their success. Or maybe Eben was smiling at the memory of seeing Mark brought to Tabitha's heel. Mark found himself returning only a curt nod.

A few faces in the crowd were unfamiliar. As Mark watched some of the new kids, the memory of ORCA swarming Route 110 washed over him, how they'd known exactly when and where to seek out the pipeline team. Had someone here—?

No, he couldn't get swept up in that fear now, not if he was going to fight alongside the others. They needed each other—for strength and for safety. And anyway, he reminded himself, taking another drag on his cigarette, he wasn't the only one recruiting for Magma. They must be Cora's people.

And there she was, cutting towards him through the crowd. The pink had faded almost completely from her hair, leaving dull orange-blonde and dark roots, but her grin was bright as lightning. Manic. Cora always got like this before an action. Sometimes her excitement hit Mark like a caffeine buzz, an updraft, but this time he held tightly to his inner quiet and braced himself against her approach.

"I thought you quit," she said, smirking like she'd won something.

Mark couldn't keep the irritation from his face, but he finished off the cigarette with one final, slow drag. "I did," he agreed. "Years ago." He stubbed it out on the sole of his boot and then, because that shit would never biodegrade, he tucked the butt between his laces.

Before Cora could get in another jab, he shoved his own question through: "Do you know them? With the zangoose?"

She didn't even look. "That's Rudy. From Fallarbor." Like Montag, she meant—as if that were a metric for trust. Well, he hoped her judgement was better than his: in another life, if things had gone differently in Rustboro, he would've brought Natalie the ORCA lackey as a plus-one.

Cora's smile tightened to a sliver. "You could, you know, talk to people instead of sulking over here by yourself."

"I've been clearing my head."

"Well, things are gonna kick off soon, and we've still got a hike."

"I know." He touched each of his pokeballs in turn, reassuring himself that they were still with him. That Gibs was still gone. "Are we waiting on any of your crew?" he asked.

"A couple," she said. "But too bad for them. Can't be late for our own party."

Then they were as ready as they'd ever be.

He unclipped Ore, his lifeline. He didn't expect to have room to send out more than one pokemon at a time: they'd be fighting in close quarters. Besides, this wouldn't be a short fight, and the last thing he wanted was to find himself in a corner with an empty belt, his team already worn down. That had been Natalie's biggest mistake, beyond stepping up to him at all. She was lucky to have walked away from that fight.

It had been over a week ago, but the memory of Ridge Access flared up so intensely that Mark paused for a moment, pokeball still in hand, and drew in a deep breath. The Route 115 air was sharp with pine and salt water, but he could almost swear he detected the phantom odor of burning oil.

Dropping his voice, he asked, "Did you see that last news blast?"

Cora folded her arms. "Yeah?"

"You don't think it's ...?"

Mark replayed the speech in his mind: Events like this one will continue unless ... Montag had made Hoenn a bargaining chip, a unit of earth to be weighed against Hoenn-the-system.

"What?" she said.

Fucked up, Mark wanted to say, but the look on Cora's face stopped him. "Never mind."

Of course not. This wasn't her home either.

And that was a little fucked up, too, wasn't it? Sure, it was Montag's plan, but who were Mark and Cora to—?

"Oh, come on." She shoved him hard enough that he nearly dropped Ore's ball. "Don't go all limp dick on me now."

When she moved to push him again, he backed out of her reach. "Fuck off." But he said it without real animosity, so she bared a grin.

"You've been weird as fuck since you got back. Like, extra Mark-y."

He shrugged. "Factory default."

"Seriously. What the fuck is up with you?"

Maybe if they were somewhere else, alone, he might've talked about Ridge Access. This week, a Slateport paper called The Trumpet had published an article about the local gulpin population. How they lived on the Route 110 marsh and nowhere else in Hoenn, quietly eating the garbage that trainers left behind. How the grimer attracted to the spill were now out-competing the gulpin and rotting the grasses in their wake. Montag must've already known and factored it into his equation ... but Mark hadn't.

The stain kept spreading, across the marsh and across his thoughts.

Part of him wanted to ask Cora if she was aware the spill had been Magma's doing. Was it possible she didn't know? But she had him fixed in an impatient stare, one eyebrow raised. And behind her was the crowd waiting for Mark and Cora to lead them up the mountain, to strike the match.

So all he said was, "What do you want from me, Cora?"

She rolled her eyes. "I want you to say you've got my back, dude."

"Of course I have your fucking back. We're a team."

"Then stop with that sour-ass face." Smiling again, Cora gave his shoulder another push, but it was playful this time. "So you good to go or what?"

He allowed himself a small smile. "Yeah, it's time." He sent out Ore, who began to circle them, buzzing inquisitively. Then Mark tilted his head toward the crowd. "Let's get these guys moving."

"Oh, you know I will."

With that, she stepped back and tossed down a pokeball, giving it a little spin. Her pokemon was still a half-formed light when Cora swung her leg over—planting herself on its back with a triumphant shout just as the rapidash became a solid creature and rose to its full height. Mark had watched her do it dozens of times, but it was still hard not to be impressed by the sight of flames licking up her legs and arms without burning. And there was no denying it caught the crowd's attention.

An excited murmur rose up as she started off at a canter, bringing the rapidash around until the tiers of Meteor Falls were at her back. Cora threw her hands over her head and whooped a war cry. Grinning at the answering cheers, she leaned back to signal the rapidash to stop. Already panting from either exertion or excitement, she called, "Are you guys ready to kick some ass?"

A few voices scattered voices answered.

"Are you asleep? Wake the fuck up! I said are you ready to kick ass?"

As a half-circle began to form around Cora, Mark hung back to take up his usual position as the rearguard. There were always a few people still getting their shit together: scrambling to lace their shoes, digging in their bags for a bandana, whispering admonishments at a pokemon that wanted to nap. For now, he let the stragglers finish what they were doing but kept his eye on them. In ones and twos, they joined the weave of bodies. He nodded to them as they passed, clapping a few of them on the back—grounding both them and himself.

"They've been up there asking nicely for the construction crews to go home," Cora crowed, jabbing a finger toward the mountain. "For weeks! Fuck that!"

Cries of fuck that shit rippled through the crowd.

Mark took a deep breath and reached out to grasp one of Ore's fins. It vibrated like a plucked string, an echo of the roaring crowd.

"We didn't come here to make nice. We came here to get shit done!" She set her rapidash pacing up and down the line. "And we're not gonna take shit from DevCo!"

The crowd hissed at the mention of the company's name.

"We don't take shit from anyone!"

They howled in approval, and Mark grinned despite himself. Then he pulled his bandana up and his hood down, and he became anonymous.

The flickering fire made Cora's grin fearsome. "Are we going to let that construction crew past us?"

"No!"

"Fuck them!"


She raised a fist. "Let's burn that shit to the ground!"

All around were fierce grins and raised fists. "Burn it down! Burn it down!"

As they chanted, Cora put on her Guy Fawkes mask and drew up her hood. She gave out one last cry of, "Burn it down!" The mask muffled her voice, but it didn't matter. She set her rapidash towards the slope at an easy stride, and the crowd rushed alongside her.

Mark cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "Mask up, tighten up! Let's go!" The stragglers jumped: if they didn't recognize him by his voice, they recognized Ore. One of them hurriedly stamped out their cigarette butt and—"What are you doing? Fuck no. Pick it up and pack it out."

The stragglers trotted to catch up with the others, closing ranks, and Mark nodded in satisfaction. But when he paused to clip on the mic that would tether him to Cora, he spotted a girl still trailing behind with her baltoy. Raquel, he remembered. He opened his mouth to shout for her to get it in gear—but stopped. She was wringing her bandana in her hands, eyes darting between the crowd and the shadows beneath the trees. Ah, hell. She was panicking.

He searched the crowd for someone who could reasonably—Julio. Good enough. Mark caught him by the shoulder. "You can lead a chant, right?"

His eyes lit up. "Sure! Which one should I—?"

"It doesn't matter. Just make it loud, get the others excited." Mark didn't wait for an answer before peeling off from the crowd; they'd be fine without him for a minute.

He jogged a few steps toward Raquel and called, "You're alright. Come on."

"I don't think I can do this."

When she shrank away, he took another step closer. "Bullshit. You already have. What about Rustboro?"

She hesitated. "There were a lot of cops in Rustboro." Her baltoy spun fast, wobbly circles around her. "They've been all over campus lately, too. And now with that anti-mask bill ..."

Ore was mirroring either the girl's anxiety or the baltoy's and dumping it directly into Mark's head with a steady whine. He stood straighter, projecting confidence and calm for all three of them. "If that's what you're worried about, you're safer with the group than by yourself," he said, aware that they'd just become a group of only four.

Behind them, a call and response rang out: "They wanna build a pipeline. We say—"

"Burn it down!"


The crowd had already pulled far ahead of them, into the trees. He'd lose sight of them soon. Mark motioned Raquel forward, but she shook her head. He bit back an exasperated sigh.

Maybe he should let her go, but he felt responsible: she'd been on his crew in Rustboro, and he'd been too wrapped up in his own shit to check in on her after. And besides— "The rest of us will be safer with you there, too. Can never have enough teleporters when things get dicey. We're all looking out for each other."

At that, her baltoy stilled, but she continued to frown. "It's not just that."

"They wanna dig a coal mine. We say—"

"Burn it down!"


Raquel finally looked him in the face, her expression pained. "I mean … do we know us being there won't make things worse?" Like Rustboro, she didn't have to add.

Ore shivered mid-air like one magnet passing near another.

Mark swallowed, glad his face was mostly hidden. When he trusted himself to speak he said, "You heard about Route 110, right?"

Her expression clouded. "I saw the news. It looked terrible."

"It was fucking awful." He stopped again, and for a moment the only sound was Ore's whirring. Repeating Montag's reassurance, he said, "But if we keep this pipeline from being finished, that can never happen here."

Raquel bit her lip and nodded.

Her nod bolstered him, and he continued with greater force. "No one else is gonna stop it. DevCo's got the courts and the League in their pocket—more than enough to clear out Root Revolution and the Draconids. They can protest all they want, but it's not gonna do shit." Bitterly, he added, "It never does."

"They wanna dig an oil well. We say—"

"Burn it down!"


He forced himself to look her in the eyes. "We can't let DevCo win."

Raquel turned toward her baltoy, as if in private conference. At last, she looked up and said, "You're right."

Relief swelled in his chest. "You good, then?" Another nod. Good enough. "Alright, let's go. Mask up."



They marched through the trees, over the crumbling gully ledge, and onto the main road. The former footpath had already been widened and smoothed out to accommodate construction vehicles. Steel stakes with day-glo flags marked the southern end of the trail, but the protesters had pulled them from the northern end, leaving behind only a line of evenly spaced holes. Through the dusty haze, the foothills were dotted with color where the protesters had made their camp. More dust clouds rose with each step down the road—another reason to be grateful for their face coverings despite the heat. Even so, the hike wasn't especially long or difficult, and the team was mostly in good spirits. They didn't have to reach the summit, only the battleground.

MetFalls jutted from the earth like a collection of block towers, each tier cartoonishly flat except where craters pitted the rock. The access road climbed only to the first, lowest step, where over the centuries the river had carved an opening into the cliff. Sometimes water ran from the cave entrance, but in the last few dry weeks, the eponymous falls had flowed only in the deepest recesses of the mountain—convenient for DevCo's diggers.

Even before Magma reached the plateau, warbling, distorted audio drifted down from above. The sound wasn't much clearer at the top. Someone with no experience addressing a crowd had nevertheless been given the megaphone, slogging through a poem they read off their smartwatch. Mark immediately saw why the organizers were letting it happen: a few protesters were still on their feet, but most sat or crouched, using their cardboard signs to shade their eyes or fan themselves. Saving their energy for a last stand.

But as Magma spread across the plateau, the protesters stood up, muttering. The poem-reader trailed off; in the ensuing quiet, distant nincada buzzed. The cliff was just wide enough to allow the two groups to stare each other down across a distance of several dozen yards.

The Roots Revolution crowd was thinner than it had been in Rustboro or even on the news only days before. Their banners had been visible from the road, a white tree on a green field. Up close, it became clear that Draconids made up a larger part of the crowd, their faces banded in green and black with fangs stenciled down their cheeks.

Mark thought suddenly of Zinnia but didn't see her among the Draconids, nor did he see either of her dragons overhead. Not entirely surprising: she skated on the surface of things, never getting too close. At times, it had made him question her loyalty, but it seemed her aloofness extended even to clan and kin.

He said into his mic, "Looks like the townies had enough."

Cora's voice crackled back, "Thoughts and prayers."

Another shape was rising alongside the crowd, slower and much, much larger. Gasps rang out. One moment, it had looked like another boulder; the next it loomed over their heads. At first, Mark couldn't process what he was seeing: it had no context in Hoenn or Unova or even this geologic period.

"Where did they get a fucking tyrantrum?" He doubted the government would've been experimenting with establishing a population, not even to draw tourists to the Safari Zone. Stolen, then. Good for them. That explained why the cops hadn't been able to drive them from the build site yet: dragons were better than thoughts and prayers.

"Goodra, too," Cora pointed out. "On the right."

He'd never seen one in person before—again, they weren't exactly common either here or back home—but this goodra had gone gray under a film of dust. Smaller than he would've expected, too. Shriveled. The fierce sun wasn't doing favors for any of them.

An upsurge of murmuring prompted Mark to turn. Erica Spitfire had emerged from the crowd of protesters. Her breloom squeezed through beside her, lashing its tail. Spitfire swept her wary gaze over Magma and said, "Haven't you already done enough?"

Enough? Mark almost laughed.

He shouted back, "Have you?" That earned a fresh wave of cheers from his teammates. Spitfire turned his way, but he was in the thick of Magma's left flank now, and her eyes didn't land on him until he spoke again: "Enough is when DevCo is dead and buried!"

She crossed her arms and set her jaw. Too bad. Mark didn't especially want to make an enemy of Spitfire—she cared more and tried harder than most. But he didn't admire her enough to walk away and leave the outcome of this fight to ride on her passion.

"Then where were you before?" came another voice. It didn't take long to find the speaker: a Draconid woman took up a fistful of the tyrantrum's feathery mane and hoisted herself onto its haunch, her other arm dangling lazily. She wore stacked necklaces of metallic beads that rattled each time the tyrantrum swayed. "Where were you," she said, "when they clear-cut trees for their road? When they tried to bulldoze us off the mountain? When they kidnapped our pokemon partners?"

Mark winced. He hadn't failed to notice that, with the notable exceptions of the tyrantrum and the goodra, few pokemon stood with the Draconid crowd, just a handful of flitting swablu and toddling bagon—not much of a defense against Rustboro's finest. He'd assumed it was about pacifism, a rejection of competitive battling culture … but of course the police would've seized their pokemon during the clashes throughout the past week.

And meanwhile, Mark had been biding his time in Rustboro, one eye on the news and one eye on his next paycheck. Sparring with Magma. Letting his pokemon rest. Waiting for Montag's orders. He opened his mouth—and realized he didn't have an answer.

It was Cora who shot back, half-laughing, "You gonna fight DevCo and us? You'll just lose twice."

The Draconid woman waited for Magma's cheers to subside before she spoke again. "You can't fight us and still fight for Hoenn."

On all sides, his teammates shouted and jeered, but Mark remained silent. Like air pressure building before a storm, he felt the crowd straining forward; they'd come to brawl, and some of them wouldn't care who was on the receiving end.

He finally burst out, "Cool it, all of you!"

Cora's job was to hype them up, his to hold them back until the right moment. They weren't here to pick fights with the Draconids, particularly not with that tyrantrum—better to let it brutalize the bulldozers when they came. But it wasn't just that.

Hoenn isn't yours.

Somewhere down the line, a rapidash whinnied, and Mark clenched his teeth. "Don't," he said into the radio, praying Cora could hear him over the crowd. He couldn't see her from his vantage point. "It's not worth it."

"I know, I'm not stupid," Cora snapped. "But it wouldn't kill them to be a little more appreciative. We're risking our skins to—"

From behind came a sound like a string of firecrackers going off, the bursts of displaced air that signaled the first cops teleporting onto the flat portion of the access road. Only briefly shaking their heads to clear the vertigo, the officers stepped into formation one by one. Behind the shimmer of pokemon light shields, each cop also carried a riot shield.

Mark grinned as Ore cast his own shield over him. Let's fucking go, assholes.

To the crowd of trainers in red, he called out, "Ruby Squad—to the front, shields up! Rowdy—get ready." The red bloc moved into position, shields of all colors springing up along the outside edges like panels of stained glass. Their backs were to the Draconids now, but Mark wasn't concerned about them anymore. He couldn't hear Cora, but he knew she'd be calling out similar orders to her two squads, Russet and Ruthless. All down the plateau as far as he could see, a rainbow of shields flickered on.

On the dirt road below, megaphone feedback squealed, then a voice boomed out, distorted through layers of light screens, "This is Rustboro PD Lieutenant Officer Dan Steelman. In the name of the Rustboro Greater Metropolitan Area, you are hereby ordered to disperse immediately."

As he spoke, officers continued to appear from thin air; most arrived arm-in-arm with a kadabra, but a few other pokemon were scattered among them as well: two alakazam, a flinching kirlia, a few natu pecking the ground, a slowbro, and a few magneton fizzling blue sparks. Behind them, a dust cloud stirred on the horizon, quickly growing larger. Mark didn't have to be able to see them to know that meant police vans and bulldozers. Two black specks appeared in the relentlessly blue sky: helicopters. But Mark wasn't worried. This was what Magma had expected.

"This is an unlawful assembly," continued Lieutenant Steelman. "Starting in five minutes, anyone remaining in the Meteor Falls area will be in violation of Penal Code 376, regardless of purpose or intent, and may be subject to arrest, pokemon seizure, or other police action as necessary."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mark glanced from one side to the other, the masked faces of his teammates melting into one red blur. Below, the cops were standing at attention, a mass of gray and black riot armor, tinted pinkish through his solrock's light screen. "Stick close. Watch each other's backs." He didn't raise his voice this time, trusting those nearest to repeat the message. They knew the drill. Ore floated at chest-height, its glow like a guiding light. "They can try, but they can't fuck with us. They're not taking MetFalls."

As the helicopters drew closer, one of the protesters took up the bullhorn again, perhaps trying to wrest back some degree of control from Magma, or maybe only digging in their heels as hard as they could. "We stand in defense of the sacred! We stand against corporate greed, and we will not stand down!"

Rustboro PD doesn't give a shit about sacred, Mark silently chided them.

Police vans and armored cars roared up the path ahead of a squadron of yellow bulldozers and excavators. Dust clouds swept behind them, obscuring the police line, and the smell of diesel carried all the way up to the plateau. Lieutenant Steelman's voice rang out one last time from within the haze. "This is your final warning. Disperse immediately."

Cora's laugh cut over the radio. "That was a short five minutes."

"They're all out of good cop," Mark answered. But by then, the first helicopter was circling overhead, so loud that he could barely hear himself, though Magma's light screens protected them from the buffeting winds.

Scattering dust, the second helicopter touched down to release another battalion of cops onto the road before it lifted into the air again. More cops poured from the vans and armored cars. They'd brought a lot of manpower, a sign they were expecting trouble.

And they'd get it. Magma was here to make sure of that.

Mark watched the vans, their edges rippling in that telltale way of manmade anti-pokemon barriers, and he wondered how many mobile healing machines they'd brought. He wished he could charge down the slope and lay waste to all those weaponized toys, but it would be more than stupid to do anything but let the cops come to them. Up here, protected behind interlocking shields, his team was in control.

For a few moments, clusters of cops put their heads together, pointing first at the dozers, then at their own ranks. Then, with a snort of diesel fumes, the first construction vehicles began chugging up the road, slowing at the steepest part of the incline but not stopping.

"What the fuck?" said Cora, echoing Mark's own thoughts.

The cops couldn't possibly think they could shovel Magma off the plateau that easily. They had to know those diggers were the prize: destroying equipment wouldn't stop the pipeline all by itself, but it would cost DevCo. Maybe it would even cost them enough time for the Root Revolution lawyers to complete their challenge to the original environmental impact assessment.

But they weren't coming for Magma. The construction crew turned off the path, away from the mountain. Instead, the machines jounced and growled towards the protester camp where cook fire smoke trailed into the sky. The protesters on the plateau howled in dismay, a few of them rushing forward, as if they could beat the bulldozers on foot.

Two of the armored police cars were tearing up the path, and these didn't veer towards the camp. The cops' plan was clear: they would press in from the access road and attack the other flank with a teleport team, trying to cleave them down the middle. That couldn't happen.

Mark turned away before the bulldozers tore into the first tents. He couldn't do anything about that now. They'd come to defend the build site, and that was what they'd do.

"Rowdy, let's go!"

After the words left his mouth came the inevitable fear that they would act too slowly or fail to act at all. But he couldn't be everywhere at once, and he couldn't manage his team's pokemon for them; as with his pokemon, he could only trust that they would hear and do what was needed.

A split second later, a grating and rumbling signaled the start of the rockslide, and he smiled. Behind them, the protesters cried out in surprise and leapt away from the crumbling wall, even as the tyrantrum swung around to shield them with its body. Stone chunks tumbled down the mountainside until the dust hung so thickly Mark could no longer see the falling rock, only feel the earth's trembling.

Finally, the mountain stilled and the dust began to settle, revealing the silhouette of a cop car half-buried under rubble. The second fishtailed over loose rock, skidding to a stop just shy of ramming the other. Boulders and rock fragments covered the access road, heaped high as the tyrantrum's back; above, a jagged gash ran up the rock face, exposing bands of gold, copper, and even green. The Rowdy squad whooped in triumph, human and pokemon both. The tyrantrum added its voice to the cacophony too, though it was hard to say whether in savage joy or protest.

The noise almost drowned out Ore's warning cry; Mark only heard it over the tyrantrum and the helicopter because it reverberated inside his head. He followed the solrock's urging and looked up. The constant clatter of the rotors had already become background noise he tuned out, so he was startled to realize that only one of the helicopters was still circling while the other hovered ominously in place.

Alright, and what about—? On the other side of the rubble, the cops had disembarked from their cars and each released several pokemon—machoke and manectric and weezing—but made no move to break through the barrier and advance. Staying out of harm's way, huh?

"Look up!" he shouted to Cora. "They're getting ready for a drop."

Even with Ore boosting the connection, he could hardly make out her words: "Ha! They're scared of a long fight."

Mark only had time to shout into the crowd, "Tighten up! Close those gaps!"

And then came the explosions.

The concussive force sent him stumbling into his teammates, ears ringing, but he managed to stay on his feet. By the time the onslaught ended, his light screen was gone; Orwell had moved to shield Mark's head with its body instead, the beginnings of a new light screen wisping around its fins. Gods—thank you, Ore. Mark brushed metal filings from his sleeves as he stood straight, but neither he nor Ore had actually been hurt as far as he could see.

Light screens flickered on and off above the crowd. Some of the others who'd been closer to the edges had been thrown to their knees, groaning as they stood—and at their feet, among pulverized rock and curved fragments of metal shells, lay voltorb that had yet to detonate.

Another trainer's sandslash hissed and drew back its paw to strike—

"Don't touch them! Ore, get rid of it!" Mark shouted, pointing towards the ledge. With invisible force, the solrock swept the voltorb out from under the sandslash's claws and over the cliff. It burst mid-air into red and white shrapnel that plinked off nearby light screens.

The others got the hint then, whether they'd actually heard Mark or not. In moments, the remaining voltorb were rolling or flying through the air. He hoped a few of them landed before they went off—let the cops have a taste of their own medicine.

Still, the explosions made him wince, not for the cops but for the voltorb. Supposedly, pain wasn't in their programming. What did bodily destruction mean to a being cached on the cloud, ready to be downloaded into a freshly assembled shell? But the voltorb's internal mechanisms strained against their fall, and it sounded too much like screams.

A burst of light down the plateau tore his attention away from the cliff edge. Gouts of flame stretched towards the helicopter, driving it up and out of reach. Cora and Ruthless. But the helicopter banked hard, leaving their attacks to dissipate into the air, and it arced away unscathed.

"Good try," Mark said into the mic. "You guys okay?"

As he looked the crowd over, ushering Rowdy and Ruby to pull in close and get their shields back up, he noticed the Draconids. A boy in green face paint lay on the ground, and a street medic crouched over him, pressing a bandana to his leg. And the Draconid boy wasn't the only one bleeding in the dirt.

The goodra ponderously stretched its neck over them all, lowing; a half-dome of blue light hung above it. The tyrantrum roared and swung its head in rage until one of the Draconids put a hand on its haunch, petting the scales there until it calmed enough to raise its own translucent red shield. Between the two dragons, the swablu were in a twittering tizzy and the bagon crouched in front of their trainers, heads lowered in readiness to smash into an enemy's knees. There were a few light screens and larger pokemon among them—but most of the crowd lay exposed. And the helicopter was looping back around.

"Here it comes again," Cora said. "Your flank is too loose. Better tighten them up."

That was the plan they'd agreed on: stick together and wall the cops out. But he could see now that the Draconids and activists would be even more exposed as Magma drew closer together. And they were already hurt. Each person here had come knowing the risks, but he was still responsible for keeping his crew safe however he could. So who was responsible for the Draconids? Montag hadn't asked him to do that, but—

Fuck it. Mark didn't waste time arguing with Cora. She could yell at him later if she wanted to. "Everyone take ten steps back!" he yelled, both gesturing and shoving them where he wanted. "Move! Shields up!"

The gap between his team and the protesters shrank, and then he found himself facing open air instead of a teammate.

The radio hissed, "Mark, what—!"

This time, he heard the whistle of the voltorb falling before the impact threw him down and blew out his shield. Metal bits rained from everywhere, forcing him to bury his face in the crook of his elbow. As long as Ore was still buzzing at the edges of his mind, he trusted that he was safe.

When the screeches of voltorb finally faded and shrapnel stopped falling, there came a crash from the direction of the access road. Mark raised his head to see a machoke smash through the rock barrier, followed by a stream of manectric and police officers. Before he could react, a snapping and popping prompted him to turn the other way. In the space between his crew and Cora's, Rustboro PD was teleporting onto the plateau.

Mark reached to his belt and then paused, torn between the impulses to protect and destroy. Hux or Rand? He didn't want to try to keep track of both of them at once unless he had to.

He climbed to his feet, trying to distill the chaos into a concrete answer. The cops ahead were stepping into formation, and he had to squint to see them through the glow of their light screens. Magma trainers climbed to their feet beside pokemon that still lay unmoving. A Draconid girl cradled a fluttering swablu to her chest—why didn't she just recall it? In front of the cops, a row of their manectric crouched, charging up an attack.

Huxley, then. The others needed cover while they got their shit together. With Ore guarding his back, he sent out his bastiodon, already reaching out with his free hand to pull a teammate behind the shelter of Hux's body.

He didn't recognize her until he caught sight of the baltoy painted in zigzag patterns. Raquel.

"You alright?"

A small cut on the exposed wedge of her cheek trickled blood, and she nodded dazedly. Had she hit her head or was she freaking out? He'd better keep an eye on her.

Cupping his hands around his mouth, he called to the others, "Let's go, Ruby! Hold that line! Rowdy, with me! Recall your pokemon if you have to and keep it moving!"

Camerupt and lairon joined Hux on the plateau, forming another wall against the police manectric where the plateau met the access road; on the other side, the Ruby crew pivoted to face off against the police line with their houndoom and ninetales.

Alright. Mark breathed in and out. Things were back under control.

His radio sputtered with static and the beginnings of a complaint from Cora—just as something slammed into Hux with enough force to knock Mark off balance, too. He whirled around, cursing at the sight of a police machoke, drawing its fist back again.

"Ore, get the machoke."

As his solrock tossed the machoke aside, Mark spoke into the mic again. "I didn't catch that. We're dealing with these fuckers on the—"

Ore pinged him with a spike of anxiety a split second before he spotted three mightyena running toward them. A cluster of police officers held their ground between his team and Cora's.

"Solar beam, Ore—"

A flicker of movement at his feet. His own shadow sprang up like a living thing—Gibs! he thought for one wild, senseless moment—and then it clamped onto one of Ore's fins. The light screen disintegrated.

"Jin, help!"

Raquel's baltoy flung out its red light shield—which lasted only until the first mightyena reached them and ripped through like the shield was paper. But it bought Mark just enough time to send out Rand to cut in between. His darmanitan caught the mightyena by the throat and threw it into the path of the next one, leaving them to fall upon each other in a tangle. Rand reared up, pounded his chest, and barreled towards the last mightyena.

Mark's shadow lay flat again. He stared at it for a moment, rattled. "You okay, Ore?"

The solrock shivered, but it traced reassurance through Mark's thoughts. He squinted at Ore for a moment … but, really, there was no winning a staring contest with a solrock. Mark spared a glance at Raquel, who was trying to coax another light screen from her baltoy—at least not outright panicking. "Hey, thanks," he told her.

Then he turned his gaze to the helicopter circling overhead. He could feel its eye on him like a spotlight; they'd send something to target Rand next. And the endless droning was getting under his skin.

"We gotta ground those helicopters," he said to Cora.

This time her voice came through loud and clear: "I'm on it."

He couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not, but his attention was already skimming over the crowd. His teammates were easy to spot in their red jackets and bandanas. Also obvious was the fact that that they were spreading further and further apart by the minute, fighting in ones and twos now: their formation was fucked three ways to hell and out of his control.

Meanwhile, Mark had already sent out three of his pokemon, meaning he only had three left in reserve—fuck. No, only two.

Rustboro had been the same, he reminded himself, and Fortree before that and Lilycove before that, and on and on all the way back to his first protest in Virbank. No plan or structure could hold up forever … and it didn't matter. Magma would never be able to defeat Rustboro PD's pokemon in an out-and-out fight as long as they were running government-issue portable healers, but it wasn't about their pokemon. A healing machine couldn't fix destroyed machinery or mend human tissue, and it wouldn't hold a frightened cop in line when his self-preservation instincts kicked in. A cop fought on orders; Magma fought out of love and rage. Duty always lost that contest in the end. Montag wouldn't have sent them here if he didn't think it mattered, if he didn't think they could handle it. So they'd fucking handle it.

A few of the cops drew together, trying to reform their lines. Time to find out how strong their sense of duty was. "Charge, Hux!"

A bastiodon couldn't get up to a run very quickly, but Hux was hard to stop once he did. With a bellow, he plowed through the officers' machoke and manectric, driving both humans and pokemon towards the ledge. One of them teleported away, and then a shower of black Title 8 balls from nearby officers forced Mark to recall Hux mid-charge or lose him. None of the cops had been very close to dropping over the edge, but they looked shaken as they climbed to their feet.

Grinning, Mark released Hux in front of him again; the bastiodon pawed the ground and shook his massive head, and Mark patted his scaly hide. "Good work, Hux."

But where was—? He spotted the darmanitan knocking down one pokemon after another before tearing after the next, racing further and further away. "Rand!" Gods, would Rand even be able to hear him?

Thankfully, the darmanitan pulled up short, casually dropped the manectric it had snatched up, and loped back to Mark. He'd worked himself into a lather, but it didn't stop him from reaching up to grab the back of Mark's head to pull him closer for inspection, breathing hotly on his face. When he determined that nothing was wrong with his human, he dropped back to all fours and turned toward the crowd.

"Don't go so far," Mark told him. He whipped out a potion and sprayed Rand's cuts and bruises while they were still sheltered by Huxley. "You're gonna get hurt, and I won't be able to help."

Rand snorted in response.

Gravel crunched and shouts rang out on the access road. One of the armored cars lurched to one side and then the other. For a moment, it lifted a few inches off the ground, outlined in purple light, only to crash back down. Mark grinned again when he saw the culprits, a few of the Rowdy team with a claydol and a dusclops, taking cover behind a camerupt. That was a good idea—if they could get around the police kadabra that hunched together beside the car, drawing esoteric symbols in the air with their spoons.

If Gibs were here ….

Mark grimaced and shoved the thought away. "Ore," he said, "help them out."

Creaking, the car wrenched a foot off the ground but moved no further, invisibly anchored by the kadabra. Orwell's frustration thrummed in Mark's head.

He cast his eyes around for a teammate within shouting distance, but all the trainers around him were already locked in skirmishes with police. Finally, his gaze landed on Raquel, still leaning against Hux. Her baltoy bobbed at her side, nuzzling her shoulder. Had she moved from that spot at all? Goddamn it, he should've left her in the clearing. "Can your baltoy do something?" he said, exasperation bleeding into his voice.

To his surprise, she took a deep breath and straightened. "Go, Jin," she said, giving the baltoy a nudge. It rose up, spinning faster and faster—

The halo of purple light around the police car flared, and it jerked upward as if on a pulley. The kadabra screeched—the car wobbled—but they weren't able to pull the car back before it arced over the edge of the road. It tumbled end-over-end all the way down the slope, rock and dirt spilling in its wake.

Ore beamed pride into Mark's head as cheers rang out all around. "Yeah, you did good," he laughed. He called to Raquel, "You too. Come on, let's send these guys back to where they came from."

She nodded quickly. Her gaze was more focused and, since he couldn't read much else in her expression, he chose to take it as a good sign.

And then, like a comet dropping out of the sky, one of the helicopters screamed past, burning at one end and flying so low that officers broke ranks and scrambled out of its path; it clipped the cliff edge as it fell.

"Holy shit, you did it," he said to Cora, unsure if she'd hear him over the triumphant roar of the crowd.

"I wish. It was the goodra."

A roar shook the ground, and Mark looked up in time to see the tyrantrum sweep three cops off their feet with its tail. The nearby officers backed to a safe distance to throw eightballs. A Draconid swatted them out of the air with her cardboard sign while the tyrantrum bellowed until boulders crashed down from above, forcing the cops to crouch under their light screens. Even at a distance, Mark had to steady himself with a hand on Hux's back.

"Recall it!" he shouted at the Draconids.

Even as he spoke, one eightball flew less than an inch from the tyrantrum snout. But they either didn't hear him or wouldn't do it. The Draconids continued batting down eightballs with their signs.

Mark clenched his teeth. Protest signs would only hold them off for so long. "Ore, I need you to cover them."

Ore trilled, driving a sharp note of worry into him.

"I'll be fine. Rand and Hux are both here." He hesitated, speaking the next words less for Ore, who always understood him better and faster than language, than for himself. "I don't want RPD taking that tyrantrum. I—it's not right."

Hoenn might not belong to him, but it sure as hell didn't belong to the cops. It was the least he could do.

For a moment, the solrock only hovered in place, whirring, and then set off through the crowd; its presence in Mark's mind faded to a near-whisper, still there if he reached for it but only barely. He watched Ore long enough to see it sidle up to the enormous dragon and flick open a light shield—just in time to block a eightball that would've hit the tyrantrum square in the chest. Good, Ore, he thought, hoping the solrock would hear.

Mark turned back to reorient himself—but the cops were backing away from the road. A grin began to edge onto his face. Was that all it took to scare them off?

A helicopter roared overhead. Without Ore's light shield, the wind threatened to rip Mark's hood back. That had been a low pass. He craned his neck back and jerked in surprise when he saw two helicopters skulking overhead instead of only one. When had the new one arrived? The sun glinting off the side momentarily obscured the logo painted on the doors, but as it turned toward the access road, the Devon logo shone clearly. A skarmory flew alongside it, open wings gleaming not red but deep green.

Mark couldn't help himself: he let out a laugh. No doubt Steven Stone could trounce him one-on-one in a stadium under the watchful eye of a referee … but what did the former League champion know about street fighting? What a golden fucking opportunity to land a solid hit on DevCo. Much better than wrecking a defunct digger.

"Cora, check it out. We've got a celebrity guest appearance."

"What?" Amid a backdrop of jumbled growls and shouts, she was clearly unamused.

He gave her the punchline anyway. "The prince of DevCo is here."

The League helicopter touched down on the access road, and a troop in unmarked, black uniforms climbed out. Then Stone hopped down like he was getting ready to greet the paparazzi. His hair shone white as salt under the intense sun and—Mark laughed again—he wore a full fucking three-piece suit and a tie, an assault vest thrown over it all.

Mark had known who would step out of that helicopter the second he'd seen the skarmory, but it was one thing to see that familiar face in the tabloids and another to see it in person. Part of him was caught in disbelief that the living symbol of indifferent opulence could also be a real person sharing the same piece of earth as him.

He shook off his amusement to shout, "Come on, guys. Tighten up!" He nudged Hux forward, motioning for Rand and his teammates to follow and press in; he wouldn't give Steven Stone an inch.

As Mark drew closer to the Draconids and their tyrantrum, Ore split off and floated back to him. "Ore, no," he started—but the cops had stopped throwing eightballs for now, and he couldn't help smiling at his solrock's return. "You worry too much."

The police had withdrawn into a knot at the mouth of the access road. As Steven Stone approached, one of the cops tried to pull him aside, his manner almost conspiratorial, but the former champion brushed him off with a careless wave and continued forward, his other hand falling to his belt. He threw his pokeball with the easy swagger someone used to being watched, more fit for a televised match than a scuffle in the dirt.

All the same, when the light cleared, Mark sucked in a breath. Each of the metagross's legs was taller than a person and looked heavy enough to smash him to pulp. As it shifted its weight from foot to foot, reflections of blue sky and green banners and red jackets flitted across its chrome carapace. Its red eyes flickered across the crowd, lingering for a few seconds on each one of them.

Magma's ranks drew closer together, and a prickly quiet set in. Raquel and her baltoy hung in Hux's shadow. Nearby, Mark spotted Eben, hunched beside his graveler. Rand panted, leaning forward on his knuckles and swaying like a runner readying for the starting gun. To the other side, the Draconids raised their fists one by one. None of them spoke.

Goosebumps ran down Mark's arms. "Hold your ground!" he shouted, trying to regain his earlier calm. "It's just another pokemon."

A faint humming rose in Mark's ears. He wasn't sure at first if it was real or coming from Ore, but the sound grew louder, drowning out even the chatter of the helicopter's blades. Loud enough that his head began to ache.

"Ore, it's okay—"

The radio crackled with Cora's voice. "Hey, Mark—" Her words dropped off into empty air.

"I didn't catch that. Hello?" But the flatness of his own voice confirmed that the radio was dead. "Fuck."

A burst of static and human voices ripped through his head.

all units.

Ten-four, standing—


He clamped his hands over his ears, but it did no good. "Ore, stop!"

The solrock vibrated violently in place as if an invisible hand were shaking it. Mark had never seen it behave like that before.

He turned towards the metagross. With a metallic grating that he did not hear but felt inside his skull, it swiveled to look back at him. Its gaze seemed to pierce through his skin, straight through to his skull.

"Ore?" His voice was shaking. Someone touched his back, but he hardly felt it, his eyes focused on his quavering solrock. "Ore, we need a light screen. Come on, you can do it."

Stone shouted something, and then, slowly and soundlessly, the metagross rose onto its rear legs, blotting out the light. When it smashed down, everything went sideways.
 
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Pen

the cat is mightier than the pen
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Partners
  1. dratini
  2. dratini-pen
  3. dratini-pen2
Mark reached to his belt and then paused, torn between the impulses to protect and destroy.
This is really the quote that gets to the heart of this chapter's conflict, and more broadly, Mark's character conflict. His view of Hoenn has always been preservationist: he loves Hoenn's pristine natural beauty, and unlike his hometown of Unova, he sees that beauty as being still untarnished. To him, Hoenn can still be saved. But blowing up the pipeline has forced Mark to question whether he's really saving it--where destruction to protect can be justified, especially since Hoenn isn't his. Who has the moral authority to make that choice? It's fitting that Mark's decision to break ranks, to protect instead of destroy, comes after a challenge from a Draconid, someone with indisputable moral authority on that question. And yet, it's not clear cut. By helping protect the Draconids, he fails to protect his team, to have Cora's back as he promised. You do such a nice job establishing the distance between them in the opening of the chapter. It's always been clear that their connection was shallow, but watching that break-down, that can't be bandanged over by banter or adrenaline, feels both sad and inevitable. On this read, I was noticing some connections between Cora and Steven. Both of them swagger into a fight that began long before they got there with the certainty that this is their show--both wield theatric flare, make battling a performance. Steven's entry is so good. I love how Mark just refuses to accept his as a threat until Steven's metagross is staring him in the face. And then everything went sideways, indeed.

No, he couldn't get swept up that fear now
Missing a word here--swept up in or swept up by, probably. God, what kind of slacker beta do you have.

They must be Cora's people.
Mm, I like all the little ways that this chapter shows space between Mark and Cora, even if they're innocent at first. Cora's people indeed.

Sometimes her excitement hit Mark like a caffeine buzz, an updraft, but this time he held tightly to his inner quiet and braced himself against her approach.
c o f f e e

"I thought you quit," she said, smirking like she'd won something.
The healthiest of relationships.

He stubbed it out on the sole of his boot and then, because that shit would never biodegrade, he tucked the butt between his laces.
So much about Mark's character is in this little moment. As you said, he'll worry about the harmful effects of the cigarette on the land, but not on himself. And in the same way, he's putting his body on the line in the bigger fight for Hoenn's soil.

Well, he hoped her judgement was better than his: in another life, if things had gone differently in Rustboro, he would've brought Natalie the ORCA lackey as a plus-one.
He is just so not over this, it's great.

"You could, you know, talk to people instead of sulking over here by yourself."
Crazy talk.

Can't be late for our own party."
So telling that she considers it their party, when the ones who have been putting in the time and seeing the losses are the Draconids.

Besides, this wouldn't be a short fight, and the last thing he wanted was to find himself with an empty belt, his team already worn down.
Yeah, that's definitely not going to happen later.

That had been Natalie's biggest mistake, beyond stepping up to him at all. She was lucky to have walked away from that fight.
Mark definitely wouldn't be stupid enough to go toe-to-toe with someone above his paygrade. Nope.

The route 115 air was sharp with pine and salt water, but he could almost swear he detected phantom odor of burning oil.
Missing word, the phantom odor. Seriously, fire your beta.

"Oh, come on." She shoved him hard enough that he nearly dropped Ore's ball. "Don't go all limp dick on me now."
Ah, Cora.

"You've been weird as fuck since you got back. Like, extra Mark-y."

He shrugged. "Factory default."

"Seriously. What the fuck is up with you?"
This banter continues to be gold.

How the grimer attracted to the spill were now out-competing the gulpin and rotting the grasses in their wake. Montag must've already known and factored it into his equation ... but Mark hadn't.
So interesting that Mark assumes Montag would have known that and decided anyway. He has so much faith in Montag's omniscience and godly cost benefits analysis.

And behind her was the crowd waiting for Mark and Cora to lead them up the mountain, to strike the match.
Maybe, "And behind her the crowd waited for . . ."

She rolled her eyes. "I want you to say you've got my back, dude."

"Of course I have your fucking back. We're a team."
x to doubt

With that, she stepped back and tossed down a pokeball, giving it a little spin.
That doesn't remind me of anyone later in the chapter . . .

In ones and twos, they joined the weave of bodies.
Mm, I really like "weave" here and how it subtly emphasizes the importance of them not breaking rank.

"I mean … can this really be the right thing if it's illegal?"
Hm, this still doesn't feel natural to me. I'm not sure someone could get this far in Magma if they thought illegal = not right. Maybe a concern that's a little more understandable, like ["I mean . . . are you sure us being there won't make things worse?" Like in Rustboro, she didn't have to add.]

Repeated Montag's reassurance, he said, "But if we keep this pipeline from being finished, that can never happen here."

Raquel bit her lip and nodded.
Beegest upside-down face.

Steel stakes with day-glo flags marked the southern end of the trail, but the protesters had pulled them from the northern end, leaving behind only a line of evenly spaced holes. Through the dusty haze, the foothills were dotted with color where the protesters had made their camp
Nice indications that the other protestors have been in this for the long-haul; Magma's crashing this party.

They didn't have to reach the summit, only the battleground.
Also very telling. Despite what Mark wants to believe, they're here for the fight, not for the long-run.

He said into his mic, "Looks like the townies had enough."

Cora's voice crackled back, "Thoughts and prayers."
Your dialogue skills always feel at their sharpest with Mark and Cora dialogue.

One moment, it had looked like another boulder; the next it loomed over their heads. At first, Mark couldn't process what he was seeing: it had no context in Hoenn or Unova or even this geologic period.
So badass.

dragons were better than thoughts and prayers.
2021 slogan let's go

Erica Spitfire had emerged from the crowd of protesters. Her breloom squeezed through beside her, lashing its tail. Spitfire swept her wary gaze over Magma and said, "Haven't you already done enough?"
Just occurred to me rereading this, but for a named character, Erica kind of vanishes from the scene. What happens to her? Does she get arrested towards the end, or teleport out?

It didn't take long to find the speaker: a Draconid woman took up a fistful of the tyrantrum's feathery mane and hoisted herself onto its haunch, her other arm dangling lazily. She wore stacked necklaces of metallic beads that rattled each time the tyrantrum swayed.
Badass af.

He opened his mouth—and realized he didn't have an answer.

It was Cora who shot back, half-laughing, "You gonna fight DevCo and us? You'll just lose twice."
Love how Cora steps in here, not even aware that Mark is doubting. She's not.

Cora cut a laugh over the radio. "That was a short five minutes."
I don't know about "cut a laugh"? Maybe, "Cora's laugh cut over the radio"?

The tyrantrum added its voice to the cacophony too, though it was hard to say whether in savage joy or protest.
S C R E M

Gouts of flame stretched towards the helicopter, driving it up and out of reach. Cora and Ruthless. But the helicopter banked hard, leaving their attacks to dissipate into the air, and it arced away unscathed.
It's good everywhere, but the action description really stands out to me here. So clean, and "gouts" and "arced" are lovely.

"Everyone take ten steps back!" he yelled, both gesturing and shoving them where he wanted. "Move! Shields up!"

The gap between his team and the protesters shrank, and then he found himself facing open air instead of a teammate.
Both a Good Decision and a good decision at the same time.

In the space between his crew and Cora's, Rustboro PD was teleporting onto the plateau.
Nice work, Mark.

He'd worked himself into a lather, but it didn't stop him from reaching up to grab the back of Mark's head to pull him closer for inspection, breathing hotly on his face. When he determined that nothing was wrong with his human, he dropped back to all fours and turned toward the crowd.
Rand is so good.

What a golden fucking opportunity to land a solid hit on DevCo. Much better than wrecking a defunct digger.

"Cora, check it out. We've got a celebrity guest appearance."

"What?" Amid a backdrop of jumbled growls and shouts, she was clearly unamused.

He gave her the punchline anyway. "The prince of DevCo is here."
Love Mark being so cocky and so, so unprepared.

Each of the metagross's legs was taller than a person and looked heavy enough to smash him to pulp. As it shifted its weight from foot to foot, reflections of blue sky and green banners and red jackets flitted across its chrome carapace. Its red eyes flickered across the crowd, lingering for a few seconds on each one of them.
Delorian has entered the chat.

Magma's ranks drew closer together, and a prickly quiet set in.
"Prickly quiet" is so good.

Stone shouted something, and then, slowly and soundlessly, the metagross rose onto its rear legs, blotting out the light. When it smashed down, everything went sideways.
Oops.
 

kyeugh

you gotta feel your lines
Staff
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. farfetchd-galar
  2. gfetchd-kyeugh
  3. onion-san
  4. farfetchd
  5. farfetchd
gonna reply to some replies first.
Hmm! Noted. Anything in particular that stuck out about it or seemed trimmable to you?
hmmm... just the bits with her mind running wild, i think. i don't think they should be trimmed entirely since they add to her character and do some worldbuilding, but she spends a lot of words thinking about it.
Oh, excellent, excellent. Yeah, bringing Zinnia into Chapter 6 opened up a real Pandora’s box! It’s actually a big part of what I’m working through right now. Very excited to tease out more of that conversation. And stressed because there are so many wrong answers. *sad chapter 12 sounds *
oh! i don't think i noticed that about zinnia. definitely curious to see where that goes... she's a really interesting character in canon, too, so my interest was already piqued there.
Totally fair! Was it the jumbled-ness of the battle, the unclear stakes? Or just not your thing so much?
just not my thing, haha. i'm noticing this more and more about battles lately. the stakes were definitely clear and that held my interest in the chapter overall, but i did find myself skimming a bit to see what the outcome was. :p i'll probably refrain from making comments like this in the future though, definitely just a preference thing.

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chapter 5: boots on the ground

i really like this chapter a lot. before this point, i think mark comes off as very much like an all business type. magma is pretty much his life, and the parts of his life that aren't magma are basically just there as a front or to provide means for himself. this is the first chapter where he really feels like a guy with deep emotions and problems to me. his feels about gibs and his sister are really humanizing, and his driven personality sort of melts away into this chapter to reveal a whole lot of melancholy. while this chapter is largely aftermath/buildup, i felt pretty engaged the whole time just connecting and feeling for mark.

cora is an interesting character and i feel like we kind of don't see a whole lot of her after this? but my memory might be hazy on that. i'm hoping we see more of her in the future, she's the exact kind of character i could see myself becoming #1 fan for. mark but gorl and more burning things down? is for me? 🥺👉👈

i know we haven't met archie yet but i really enjoy how much he contrasts with montag. not sure whether this was the case in the orignal rse, but in oras at least archie is very boisterous where maxie is very subdued and calculating, and i feel like you've captured those broad strokes very well while making them feel more grounded and realistic. i wonder if montag is the leader of magma as a whole or just mark's immediate superior? the latter would make sense as having a single guy calling the shots seems a little weird for this kind of organization, but hey, i guess orca's doing it.

He kept catching his hand dip down to the empty space on his belt where Gibson, his first, was supposed to be. Yeah, asshole. Still gone.
he's holding it together pretty well all things considered. one time when i thought my cat ran away i cried for like an hour.

But then, a stranger wouldn't know the story behind the torn earlobe, the earring ripped out in a back alley fight. And he'd seen what she'd done afterward to the person responsible.
apologized for this misunderstanding and went on her way, i'm sure. 😁

As a purrloin, Gibs had left little treasures on Mark's pillow, mostly loose change and bottle caps. Sometimes feathers or marbles or keys, and once a silver ring. Mark had tried to train him out of the habit, but it was hard to return the items when Mark didn't know where they'd come from, and harder to keep Gibs from nightly prowls when he could phase through the bedroom wall anyway.
omg, this is perfect. my mom's cat used to drag in dead birds and shit like "look! i brought you a present! :3" and i'm sure if he could phase through walls this would be the natural consequence. at any rate, thinking about all the goofy shit your pet does once you've lost them is way too real. poor guy.

He knew her better than almost anyone, he realized with a rush of something like gratitude. There was so much about his life, his politics, that he would never have to explain to her.
mm, i love this way of describing a relationship: in terms of what you don't have to do rather than what you do.

His sister hadn't actually asked him to quit, but after the look on her face that first time she'd found the pack in his coat pocket, he made the decision himself. It wasn't fair to her. Kathy hadn't chosen to destroy her lungs. How could he flaunt his choice to ruin his?
i have nothing to say but oooooooooooof ouch my feels.

First he needed Orwell. It pained him to release a pokemon only to see it remain unmoving on the ground—even after repeated losses at the gym, he wasn't used to it.
oof. i guess you can't actually do this in the games so i'd never thought about it. that's kind of a disturbing image, although it's also kind of funny to think of orwell getting released mid-air and then just clonking onto the ground.

Montag fell quiet and Mark knew he was weighing the risks of giving the details now. Meeting in person had its own risks—being seen together, travel delay. "A team will be disrupting the Ridge Access Pipeline at Route 110."
Ridge Access Pipeline... RAP... more like CRAP! hoho. they should hire me for their social media team.
"disrupting" is certainly a charitable way of describing their plans...

Mark had left Unova because of Montag, but he'd stayed at least in part because he'd fallen in love with Hoenn.
hm, i found this a little confusing. maybe:
> Mark had left Unova because of Montag, but he'd stayed in Hoenn at least in part because he'd fallen in love with it.

Easier to accept they were on the same side when they were on opposite sides of the country.
loooool. god what a mood. very much how i feel about family.

She bent to examine the one decoration he'd taped up, a photo over the desk. "This your sister? She looks like you."

"Mm."

"Is she the sick one?"

"The cellist." He didn't like the pitying look that crossed Cora's face.

"Oh," she said. "Is that the other one?"

"There's just the one."
aw, i love this a lot. makes me really feel for him. "is she the sick one"... yeesh.

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6: ships in the night

if the last chapter had me feeling for mark, then this chapter must be the counterpart for natalie. so far she's seemed very much, uh, malleable i suppose? she recognizes that all is not right with the world, and has a desire to change that as well as a drive to prove herself, and not much else. mark was able to seize that and mold it to his agenda, and now archie is doing the same. but i think archie can do something for her that mark wasn't able to: he can connect the issues to her real life. by relating the environmental offenses committed by devon to natalie's family and upbringing, they feel very real to her in a way that mark's protest didn't; not just a chance to prove herself, but an invitation to truly re-evaluate the way she sees the world. i think that'll make her relationship with orca a lot less volatile than her brief relationship with mark, but we'll see!

i find myself more personally invested in mark and archie as characters who already know what they want and are pushing for it than natalie, who is sort of searching and in the process of finding her niche. i think that does make natalie a great protagonist—she's seeing all this stuff as an outsider and is trying to make up her mind about it as she goes, just like us—but i do think she's a bit harder to attach myself too, given she's wishy-washy on this stuff and still clinging to opinions and worldviews that i personally find frustrating. that doesn't make her a bad or boring character of course—i guess different readers are just going to attach more strongly to different characters. that said, i'm definitely looking forward to seeing natalie's personal convictions develop and solidify.

on that note, i think archie is a really interesting character. mark is our main insight into magma, but he's just a footman, endlessly taking orders and carrying them out. that doesn't make him or his resolve inferior, but it does mean that his motivations are a bit more static. meanwhile archie is calling the shots for a huge organization; he constantly has to re-evaluate his biases and desires to achieve his endgoal. that additional layer of agency makes him a lot more engaging for me. i'm looking forward to seeing how he bounces off natalie and magma as we move forward.

For the next few days, she would only have a cubbyhole, the open ocean, and a group of confirmed criminals.
love natalie turning her nose up at Criminals as if she didn't just engage in fisticuffs with a cop like yesterday lol.

Natalie pulled the door open and—nearly smacked into someone passing in the corridor.
not sure about the dash here.

"I bet it's not too late to talk to Chef." He started forward, but Scarlet caught him by the arm.

"Sin."
lol, on my first pass i thought this was someone telling him he was sinning for going to eat. man's on a diet i guess.

As a child, Natalie had occasionally been allowed to tour the dry-docked ships her father helped build. He'd shown her the bare stretches that would soon be stacked with cargo crates, the engine room, and the bridge. The company's boats were always big ticket industry contracts, built for crews of twenty to thirty. Twenty-four was a full-blown, serious operation.
i enjoy that natalie shares archie's nautical background and just chose not to carry on with it once she went out on her own. her ability to relate to the situation definitely makes them feel more like siblings, and makes her feel like a more natural fit for orca than magma even disregarding the familial tie there.

Archie clapped her on the shoulder. "Backbone of the movement."
hahaha, god, facts. i've worked at a few boy scouts camps and have been on kitchen crew a handful of times—no better way to get everyone to love you, or hate you, i guess, depending on whether you fuck it up.

Natalie lost some of her momentum at that, stumbling over her words. "Okay, fine, but … what happened?" She glanced around and lowered her voice. "Are they threatening you? Are you being blackmailed?"
i'm surprised she'd ask that after she's been picking up on hints about his position for the whole chapter so far. maybe not enough to realize he's heading the operation up, but probably enough to realize he's not some kind of hostage.

"That shit lingers for decades, killing pokemon, making people sick all down the coast. And it never stops. If it's not DevCo, it's ocean acidification. Fifty years ago, Hoenn had some of the most biodiverse marine ecosystems in the world, and now half those species are completely gone—in less than one human lifetime. Where do you think we go when we finally fuck it up so bad that humans can't survive our own cesspool?"
this all definitely feels like he had it ready to go. i'm sure he's had to make these arguments a thousand times and you can really feel it in this dialogue somehow.

She grimaced, thinking of the emails. Don't make this political, Dad had written more than once. End of that conversation.
1609551405642.png

His laugh was so sharp and sudden she jumped. "Those jackasses are wasting their energy trying to fix a broken system. ORCA doesn't wait for permission or for the right moment," he said, air-quoting.
i found this a little confusing. nominally the difference between orca and magma is that orca is more a direct action type of group whereas magma works through the system, but we're coming right off the heels of a chapter where magma is plotting to blow up an oil pipeline—something orca thinks they're idiots for doing. not that it doesn't make sense for orca to feel that way, but it does make this assessment of the differences between them feel a little inaccurate to what we've observed (and will observe) in the story.

It held no cargo she could see, and a new name had been superimposed on whatever had been there before, dim but just visible in the moonlight: The Motherfucker. And from across the black expanse of water, she could just make out cheers.
lmfao. spacex but based?

"Here's to Macro Cosmos in honor of their sizable donation to our cause!"
i couldn't tell if this was facetious or if they're actually taking corporate money. very interesting if it's the latter case, i'm curious to see how that develops.

With that, he unscrewed the cap, took a swig directly from the bottle, and then passed it into the crowd.
this sure did set off my covid alarms.
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
You're quick on the draw! And what a nice portrait of my boy you've painted there. Glad for the confirmation that he's sitting where I hoped/intended for him to right now.

God, what kind of slacker beta do you have.
You know, she's pretty decent .... However! When I go rogue and add new shit without showing it to her first, she's weirdly bad at magically stopping me from making errors. I'll tell her to work on it.

Fixed, thank you!

On this read, I was noticing some connections between Cora and Steven.
Oh, that's interesting! I hadn't thought about that. Wow, that awkward moment when the behavior of your friends and your enemies lines up. 🙃

He is just so not over this, it's great.
She came in and out of his life at the same time as a bunch of other Upsetting Things! Before Natalie he had a cat! Before Natalie, he knew who his allies were and he was set. She's an enemy with a name and a face ... who knows his name and face. Cora's betrayal I imagine will hit differently: it's bound up in general disappointment and disillusionment from Magma.

Mark definitely wouldn't be stupid enough to go toe-to-toe with someone above his paygrade. Nope.
No, who would ever.

So interesting that Mark assumes Montag would have known that and decided anyway. He has so much faith in Montag's omniscience and godly cost benefits analysis.
We'll unpack this more soon! For now ... yeah, Montag is confident in has plan, so why wouldn't Mark be??? Dad's got it.

Rand is so good.
This is part of what I'd considered cutting when I was freaking out about how long this two-parter was getting! Glad I kept it. It's always nice seeing two friends showing their care. <3
 
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  • Quag
Reactions: Pen

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
@qva I live and that for that Dadalie meme, holy cow. I will treasure him 4ever. It's so fun watching you react to this--could not as for a better reader.

Thanks for clarifying on those reply-to-replies! 🙏

i'll probably refrain from making comments like this in the future though, definitely just a preference thing.
Gotcha! That's totally fair! This fic will continue to have a lot of them, but I think (like in Chapter 12) it will hopefully be really embedded in and interwoven with internal character beats. 💪

before this point, i think mark comes off as very much like an all business type. magma is pretty much his life, and the parts of his life that aren't magma are basically just there as a front or to provide means for himself. this is the first chapter where he really feels like a guy with deep emotions and problems to me.
Yes! This is the first moment where his compartmentalization is starting to fail and he's struggling to get out from under his own feels. His arc is very much about slowly breaking down and softening up. He's having a bad time, but it's definitely going to be an improvement for him longterm. I love trash, but he really, truly can't be a romantic lead if he doesn't develop some better emotional intelligence.

I'm glad the chaaracter work in the chapter was satisfying for you!

cora is an interesting character and i feel like we kind of don't see a whole lot of her after this? but my memory might be hazy on that. i'm hoping we see more of her in the future, she's the exact kind of character i could see myself becoming #1 fan for. mark but gorl and more burning things down? is for me? 🥺👉👈
I'm so glad you like her! Ask and you shall receive.

not sure whether this was the case in the orignal rse, but in oras at least archie is very boisterous where maxie is very subdued and calculating, and i feel like you've captured those broad strokes very well while making them feel more grounded and realistic.
I do think that was one of the things ORAS did right. They pair against each other nicely.

the latter would make sense as having a single guy calling the shots seems a little weird for this kind of organization, but hey, i guess orca's doing it.
I'll clarify: this is definitely Maxie! I gave him the Sinbad treatment. I can handle family calling him Archie, but it doesn't sound to me like the leader of an ecoterrorist organization, lol. And Maxie is even goofier.

And I agree! This hierarchical structure is a bad idea! 🙃 It's a conceit from canon that I've struggled with in places, but I like to think the narrative knows it's a problem and is going to treat it like one.

he's holding it together pretty well all things considered. one time when i thought my cat ran away i cried for like an hour.
This is an excellent point. I've definitely been there, too. (I remind my cat daily not to get kidnapped by pirates or seized by the police. So far he's doing a great job! ⭐ ) Mark is probably super overdue for a big cry.

omg, this is perfect. my mom's cat used to drag in dead birds and shit like "look! i brought you a present! :3" and i'm sure if he could phase through walls this would be the natural consequence. at any rate, thinking about all the goofy shit your pet does once you've lost them is way too real. poor guy.
Yeah, I thought the purloin dex stuff was a fun way to double-down on this cat behavior. Glad to hear it landed!

although it's also kind of funny to think of orwell getting released mid-air and then just clonking onto the ground.
Omg
ronk clonk

they should hire me for their social media team.
Magma is always looking for new allies, qva.

hm, i found this a little confusing. maybe:
> Mark had left Unova because of Montag, but he'd stayed in Hoenn at least in part because he'd fallen in love with it.
Ah, fair point!

so far she's seemed very much, uh, malleable i suppose?
She's an Impressionable Youth TM

i find myself more personally invested in mark and archie as characters who already know what they want and are pushing for it than natalie, who is sort of searching and in the process of finding her niche. i think that does make natalie a great protagonist—she's seeing all this stuff as an outsider and is trying to make up her mind about it as she goes, just like us—but i do think she's a bit harder to attach myself too, given she's wishy-washy on this stuff and still clinging to opinions and worldviews that i personally find frustrating. that doesn't make her a bad or boring character of course—i guess different readers are just going to attach more strongly to different characters. that said, i'm definitely looking forward to seeing natalie's personal convictions develop and solidify.
Totally fair! I am still thinking about ways to give her a little more agency in the early chapters. It's tough because, you're exactly right: she's the audience intro to this other world that doesn't operate like normal trainer life. It's new to us and it's new to her. Kint suggested today digging into her thought process a little harder in the protest sequence, which is not a bad idea. As long as it's not impeding your ability to enjoy the story, I don't mind if you're more Team Mark than Team Natalie! I'll be interested to hear what you think about Chapter 11. I'm expecting her to have a lot more agency from there on out.

he constantly has to re-evaluate his biases and desires
Skills Archie is so very competent in ....

love natalie turning her nose up at Criminals as if she didn't just engage in fisticuffs with a cop like yesterday lol.
:wink:

lol, on my first pass i thought this was someone telling him he was sinning for going to eat. man's on a diet i guess.
Yeah, I realized this might read a little confusingly ... but I also thought it might be something that would trip Natalie up, too, so I've let it ride out.

i enjoy that natalie shares archie's nautical background and just chose not to carry on with it once she went out on her own. her ability to relate to the situation definitely makes them feel more like siblings, and makes her feel like a more natural fit for orca than magma even disregarding the familial tie there.
She's a Slateport girl!

i'm surprised she'd ask that after she's been picking up on hints about his position for the whole chapter so far. maybe not enough to realize he's heading the operation up, but probably enough to realize he's not some kind of hostage.
I think she doesn't want to accept and internalize it. She'd rather believe he's being blackmailed. Last chance, bro! You sure you don't want to feed me a chill, palatable narrative that won't flip my view of our family inside out? No?

i found this a little confusing. nominally the difference between orca and magma is that orca is more a direct action type of group whereas magma works through the system, but we're coming right off the heels of a chapter where magma is plotting to blow up an oil pipeline—something orca thinks they're idiots for doing. not that it doesn't make sense for orca to feel that way, but it does make this assessment of the differences between them feel a little inaccurate to what we've observed (and will observe) in the story.
Gosh, yeah, it's really weird how hypocritical this is! It's almost like they're not as different as they think they are. ;) Starting in Chapter 14, we'll be spending more time with Aqua and their goals, rather than just watching them react to Magma's crazy shit, and I think that'll help clarify the difference in their approaches.

spacex but based?
You're playing some 5D chess and you don't even know it. Hold that thought.

i couldn't tell if this was facetious or if they're actually taking corporate money. very interesting if it's the latter case, i'm curious to see how that develops.
Oh, they're not taking Macro Cosmos money--they've taken a Macro Cosmos boat!

this sure did set off my covid alarms.
Omg, I know. This fic is really odd to inhabit during a pandemic. On the one hand, lots of PPE! Disposable masks for everyone! On the other hand, bars.

Planning to get the other half of the MetFalls sequence up by this time next week, so eyes peeled for that! :wink:
 
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kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
  9. celebi
I relinquish to qva the sheer honor of the crowning the lit fortnite yeet floss dab upon Mark and will have to make my career in shitposting in other ways.

Some really eye-catching moments here, mostly the tyrantrum friend and Steven's entrance. Very cinematic, very triumphant. This is an action piece where no one will lose because they are all too busy looking fabulous.

Of course not. This wasn't her home either.

I like how Mark being quiet and not angry is what tips Cora off that he's not being himself. Things feel really messy and disjointed here. Compared to other battles in Mark's head it's clear that his head isn't all in it here; he's distracted and off his game. He wants to get into the battle, and there's times where it traps him in, but it feels like he keeps getting sucked into rabbit holes he wouldn't have looked at otherwise--there's a Draconid girl in trouble, where's Gibbs, the tyrantrum needs help--his heart isn't fully in it. And maybe it shouldn't be; maybe looking for those people is what he shold've been focusing on all along. He's shaken now. Now that we're with the Draconids and the local activists instead of radicalizing kids, we get to see that Mark and Cora are out of place--starting to understand why you have so many people here who aren't from Hoenn. It's a lot easier to knock down a mountainside (pop quiz: cops or magma?? who wore it better?) when you don't actually care about defending it. It's a good, bitter reprise on "Hoenn isn't yours"--how can it be, when they keep fucking it up just to prove a point? And with the Draconids we get to really move into the messier strings that come with "Hoenn isn't yours", but also--whose is it?

who the fuck let you publish that cliffhanger that's just mean :(
When Mark caught his eye, Eben flashed a grin with something new in it. Maybe pride in their latest guerilla news bulletin, in their success. Or maybe Eben was smiling at the memory of seeing Mark brought to Tabitha's heel. Mark found himself returning only a curt nod.
I like how doubt's creeping in, and he's starting to project betrayal at every corner--who's got his back? Who doesn't?
Route 110
route 115
you wouldn't capitalize human or--
Montag had made Hoenn a bargaining chip, a unit of earth to be weighed against Hoenn-the-system.
ahhhh oof
Then Mark tilted his head toward the crowd."Let's get these guys moving."
god, was your beta drunk or something when they looked at this? jesus. sloppy af.
She crossed her arms and set her jaw. Too bad. Mark didn't especially want to make an enemy of Spitfire—she cared more and tried harder than most. But he didn't admire her enough to walk away and leave this fight to ride on her passion.
I wanted it to be like, "leave the outcome of this fight to ride on her passion" instead of "leave this fight"
It didn't take long to find the speaker: a Draconid woman took up a fistful of the tyrantrum's feathery mane and hoisted herself onto its haunch, her other arm dangling lazily. She wore stacked necklaces of metallic beads that rattled each time the tyrantrum swayed. "Where were you," she said, "when they clear-cut trees for their road? When they tried to bulldoze us off the mountain? When they kidnapped our pokemon partners?"
this is such a badass image and question, and I still love it
He'd assumed it was about pacifism, a rejection of competitive battling culture … but of course the police would've seized their pokemon during the clashes throughout the past week.
making a whole lotta good assumptions this chapter
Rustboro PD doesn't give a shit about sacred, Mark silently chided them.
this too--of course he doesn't remember that they've been besieged for days if not weeks. Of course he doesn't think they know.
The tyrantrum added its voice to the cacophony too, though it was hard to say whether in savage joy or protest.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I AM HELPING
A split second later, a grating and rumbling signaled the start of the rockslide, and he smiled. Behind them, the protesters cried out in surprise and leapt away from the crumbling wall, even as the tyrantrum swung around to shield them with its body. Stone chunks tumbled down the mountainside until the dust hung so thickly Mark could no longer see the falling rock, only feel the earth's trembling.
what's a little collateral damage between friends???
The League helicopter touched down on the access road long enough for Stone to hop down like he was getting ready to greet the paparazzi. His hair shone white as salt under the intense sun and—Mark laughed again—he wore a full fucking three-piece suit and a tie, an assault vest thrown over it all. Mark had known who would step out of that helicopter the second he saw the skarmory, but it was one thing to see that familiar face in the tabloids and another to see it in person.
this is equally such a cinematic image. god. amv plsssssss inject it straight into my veins.
He threw his pokeball with the easy swagger someone used to being watched, more fit for a televised match than a scuffle in the dirt.
questions no one wants to answer, but like, is the pokeball on the ground now? somewhere in the middle? does it bounce back? he's throwing it so like, it's gotta land ...
 
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