Pokémon Branches of Sinnoh

[Junebug44]

Notes:​

Hey everyone! I'm Junebug, and I hope you enjoy this Pokémon fanfic project I wanted to try!

You can consider this story to take place in essentially an AU of Sinnoh, with a bunch of characters 10-15 years before when the current games take place (so expect to see younger versions of familiar characters). On that note, the ages of characters is one of the factors I decided to change at my discretion, so the exact numbers will not be accurate. However, there will be a lot of original characters as well, as this is the adventure of a Galarian native, Hake!

I love writing in-depth plots and am trying to improve my character development skills. As for romance, there definitely will be some, but it’s going to be instinctual (I don't have any pairings set in stone yet). There will also be lots and lots of worldbuilding.

This is my first ever fic (and tbh the first time i’m releasing anything i’ve written to the public), so please feel free to give me criticism, suggestions, etc. I also will accept compliments, albeit begrudgingly (im kidding (about the begrudgingly part not the accepting compliments part (woah nested parentheses))).

Anyways, thanks for reading!

Summary:​

15 years before the events of Pokémon Platinum, Hake (ha-key) Tal, a 21-year-old college graduate, moves to Sinnoh to begin his Pokémon adventure. Hake chases his dreams, coming across unforeseen challenges as well as companionship along the way

 

[Junebug44]

Chapter 1:​

Lightning flashed without a drop of rain to follow. The sky rumbled in protest as deep gray clouds tried to hide the speckling of stars. The taut air seemed like it was holding its breath at the scene before it.

A young man stood at the edge of the empty streets of Jubilife City, assertively facing the entrance of an innocent business building. It stood firmly despite the battering it had taken, though the surrounding streetlights could not claim the same. Broken glass littered the surrounding area and some of the bulbs flickered unpredictably. A fountain a short distance away was sliced cleanly in half, water spraying erratically, giving the parched air its only source of humidity.

The man's expression betrayed a multitude of emotions, ranging from resentment to hurt. A breeze caressed his tanned skin and revealed goosebumps just past the rolled up sleeves of his black collared shirt, his hand firmly grasping a Pokéball in its palm. A solid-red cap adorned his soft, dark brown hair that remained stubbornly planted in spite of the wind. His gaze was controlled as he stared at the figure in front of him, breathing heavily.

At the entrance of the building was a woman of similar age. She stared back at the man with a smirk and a cocky hand on hip, the other one holding a Pokéball. However, upon inspection, her eyes were just as tired, and she concealed her quick breaths. She wore a dark leather jacket over a black top, and her long, voluminous blonde hair almost reached her knees.

A second passed.

Another.

And suddenly, a brilliant flash of red.

—

Hake was not a morning person. His childhood was filled with his mother’s exasperation of his morning laziness. She would even resort to extreme methods, such as splashing cold water on his face or sending Kali the Cufant to trumpet directly into his ears, just to get him out of bed.

However, this morning was different. It was 7am on the dot and Hake was admiring himself in the mirror. The contents of his suitcase lay sprawled across the floor, various outfits stuffed back in after being tried on. Among the mess was a couple of his favorite books, a solid red cap, a pikachu mug that said “I’m gonna be a Pokémon champ,” and a magazine with a wide cover about some purple-haired battling prodigy.

These were the contents of the massive package his mother had sent him. Due to flight limitations, Hake couldn’t bring all the stuff he really wanted to Sinnoh right away, so he had his mother mail it to him. He smiled, seeing that she clearly added her own touch to it beyond the essentials.

Hake ran his hand through his dark brown hair, leaving it slightly messier. He looked carefully at his final outfit decision: a sharp gray blazer, matching gray pants, and a crisp white shirt underneath.

In a swift motion, he grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys and stepped out of his apartment. It didn’t take long for him to make his daily trip down from the 4th floor by stairs and push the front doors open. Hake washed himself in the sunlight, stretching as he took in the gorgeous campus of Jubilife University.

The campus consisted of a large space with a lot of greenery, enclosed by buildings of various designs. Hake strolled along the walkways that were arranged with carefully patterned stone and brick and surrounded by plenty of colors from floral arrangements. The center of the area was decorated by a large fountain with water cascading down multiple flat layers. Hake could hear the gentle roar of the water and smatterings of conversation, along with the occasional chirps of Pidgeys and Starlys. It was fairly early, yet many students were already bustling about. Most walked briskly alone towards their intended destinations, but there were also small groups here and there, chatting and laughing merrily.

Although most people weren’t dressed up as formally as Hake, no one gave him a second glance since Jubilife was a fairly high-end university. After a quick few minutes, Hake entered the Birch Library through the front doors, setting off a little bell. A young woman, probably another college student, spoke from a reception counter.

“Welcome! Are you here to see Professor Rowan?”

“Yep! I have an interview with him at 7:30,” Hake responded brightly. He checked his watch, seeing that it was 7:11.

“Alrighty, let me just check you in,” the woman said, clicking her mouse a few times as she scanned the desktop screen in front of her. “It looks like he’s running a little late, so he might only get here at around 7:45. I apologize for the inconvenience, but please make yourself comfortable until then.”

Hake nodded and let out a small breath, taking a seat in the lobby. A few seconds passed, and his leg began bouncing lightly. It wasn’t like him to be nervous about an interview, but he knew this was one he couldn’t mess up, and his restless sleep last night wasn't doing him any favors. His brain was working at incredible speeds, but not in a productive way, as he overanalyzed every little thing that could go wrong and potentially lead to a bad impression.

“Hey, don’t worry, I promise he isn’t as scary as he looks on TV.”

Hake snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at the receptionist. She was smiling knowingly at him while continuing to type something on her screen. Her strawberry blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail with a red hairband with very even bangs that covered her forehead. She wore an orange crop top and short jeans along with clean white sneakers. Hake put a hand on his knee to stop it from shaking.

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly. He then tilted his head at her and asked, “How do you know that anyways? Have you met him before?”

The woman grinned. “Yep, I had my interview with him last week in Sandgem town. Super cool dude, and it’s funny that he’s doing another round of them in the same building where I work.” She paused as she continued typing on her computer. “What a coincidence, huh?”

Hake’s eyebrows shot up as he replied, “Wait, you’re applying for a Pokédex, too? Awesome, I was looking for other people!” He gave her a little wave from his seat. “I’m Hake Tal. Given that you’re working here, I’m guessing you’re a student at Jubilife, right?

The woman waved back, pushing her swiveling office chair away from the screen a little bit and removing her earbud. “Hey, Hake! I’m Bebe Windsor, nice to meet you. And yeah, I’m a graduating student here right now. Almost all of the people interviewing are.” She looked at him inquisitively. “But I’m guessing based on your question that you’re not?”

Hake nodded. “Yeah, I actually just flew in yesterday! I’m a student at Wyndon University in Galar,” he said proudly, “but I’ve always been impressed with Professor Rowan’s research. When I heard he was entrusting people with Pokédexes, I knew immediately I would have to make my way here.” He gestured generally around him. “Jubilife is beautiful, and I can’t wait to explore Sinnoh.”

Bebe wrinkled her nose a bit. “Well, Jubilife is nice and all, but our student body is generally super pretentious and hard to get along with. You have to search a little bit to find your people.” She winked at him. “But hey, lucky you, you ran into me first. Maybe we can be friends,” she said with a wide smile.

“Deal. Can I get your number so we can stay in touch?” Hake pulled his phone out.

“Yep, pass it over to me.”

Hake handed his phone to her, who typed in her number and handed it back.

He continued the conversation. “So what’s your major?”

She hesitated. “It’s a long story, are you sure you want to hear it?”

Hake exaggeratedly checked his watch. “Hmm, looks like I have until 7:45, so…”

Bebe giggled and retorted, “Fine, smartass, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I came into college as a Poké-Biology major, but honestly, my intro to Poké-Anatomy professor was an absolute piece of shit. Then, I decided to try Physics…”

Bebe continued animatedly, telling Hake about her entire college experience. Hake interrupted a few times to ask about details, but Bebe didn’t mind, clearly enjoying speaking about herself. The two of them passed the time quickly, until Bebe finally wrapped up.

“...and that’s when I decided that a general technology major was my best shot. I pretty much did the whole Computer Science curriculum within 3 semesters,” she finished with a grin.

Hake’s jaw dropped. “3 semesters?” he asked incredulously, “especially for Computer Science? Are you a genius?”

Bebe flipped her hair dramatically and smirked, “nah, it wasn't too bad. How about you, Hake? What’s your major?”

Hake opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a very clear and deliberate throat clear.

“Ahem.”

Both of them startled slightly, looking to the entrance of the building to see a tall man standing there. His features were mostly hidden in silhouette by the rising sun behind him, but as he stepped forward, Hake stiffened his posture instantly.

The man was thin but muscled, wearing a blue vest covered by a blazer that was a little too long, giving it an intimidating trench coat appearance. His hair was slightly unruly and mustache cleanly trimmed, the only giveaway of his age being traces of white hair. His piercing gaze felt like it was boring into Hake's.

Bebe’s upbeat voice broke the tension.

“Hello Professor Rowan, remember me? Sorry about the wait, I got caught up in conversation. Give me just a second…” Bebe promptly slid back to the desktop and worked hastily. “Sweet, you guys should be good to go, room 130.”

Rowan glanced at her and smiled. “Of course I remember. Bebe, wasn’t it? I had an excellent time speaking to you in my laboratory last week.” He then waved his hand in the air arbitrarily. “And no worries. I apologize for interrupting your conversation, but I must stick to a strict schedule.”

A strict schedule? Hake glanced at Bebe, who opened her mouth but then proceeded to close it, giving the Professor a thumbs up instead.

Hake concealed a smirk, knowing that she was about to bring up his tardiness. Hake’s shoulders actually relaxed a little after seeing the exchange, and he stood up to offer the Professor a handshake.

“Hi professor, I’m the person you’re interviewing today, Hake Tal. I’m thrilled to finally meet you. I’m a huge fan of your research.”

Rowan shook his hand, a subtle sparkle in his eyes. “Ah, yes, and I also believe you were Magnolia’s recommendation. Top of the class at Wyndon, were you?”

Hake replied without hesitation, “Yes, sir,” ignoring Bebe’s raised eyebrow.

“Excellent! Well follow me and we’ll begin the interview, young Hake,” Rowan declared, heading deeper into the building.

Hake obliged, catching Bebe’s eye who pointed at her phone and formed the word ‘later’ silently with her mouth.

Hake and the professor walked quietly to the room of interest, which was a small conference room with two tables and a few surrounding chairs. There weren’t any windows except the one on the door, giving it a slightly enclosed feel. Rowan took a seat at one of the tables, gesturing at the chair across from him. “Take a seat, and we’ll begin in just a second.”

Hake sat down, breathing steadily. His nerves had settled into a calm focus as he waited patiently.

Rowan gathered some documents on the table, including one that looked suspiciously like Hake’s resume, and finally looked up.

“Let’s begin.”

He began scanning the paper in front of him. “I see you are a double major in Quantum Physics and Pokémon Biology with a concentration in evolution. That is very interesting. Where do you think the crossover between the majors lies?”

It seemed like an innocent question, born of curiosity, but Hake knew he was being tested. He took a few seconds to collect his thoughts and digest the question before answering.

“Understanding Quantum Physics is akin to realizing the rules of the universe. There are many unexplained aspects of Pokémon that we as researchers have given up explaining beyond surface level. Allow me to show you how evolution is just one such example.”

Hake rolled up his sleeves, feeling himself becoming slightly more animated as he started waving his arms around.

“Superposition. The concept that quantum particles can exist in multiple states, could be the gateway to explain the fundamentals of evolution in the first place," he began. "An instantaneous change in the appearance and functionality of a Pokémon indicates that these quantum particles, along with their positions, had to be written into the DNA of the species, allowing most evolutions to be predictable and a natural part of their growth.”

It was too late to stop himself, Hake was very far gone into his rant.

“As soon as the Pokémon in question reaches the critical point in its growth, the particles that make up the creature are entangled, starting a chain reaction of influencing each of their states, and ultimately making up a completely new form," he explained. "All of this is, of course, just a theory, but understanding how and why a Pokémon evolves could be critical in bringing them closer to us.”

Hake began to realize that he was rambling and cut himself off, feeling a flush of embarrassment crawl up his neck. However, it seemed like Rowan was not only following, but seemed genuinely interested in what Hake was saying, giving him a slight boost in confidence.

Rowan folded his arms in front of him. “You make a splendid point, Hake. However, understanding the behavior of quantum particles is difficult, especially since certain Pokémon are more difficult to observe than others. How do you plan to undergo your study in an ethical fashion?”

Hake almost faltered under the professor’s forceful gaze. “Well, uh, Pokémon are intelligent creatures, professor, sometimes even more so than us. I believe the first step in observing Pokémon is to improve the relationship between them and humans.”

Hake took a deep breath, knowing that he was reaching the apex of his assertion.

“This is why I approached you in the first place, sir. Prior to continuing my research, I believe the best way to understand and become close with Pokémon is to adventure with them and form a relationship. Helping you fill your Pokédex while taking on the gym challenge would be an exhilarating experience and would be a fantastic starting point for my goals. I believe we can not only be mutually beneficial for each other, but can form a true friendship amidst our shared love for Pokémon and research.”

Hake wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, but felt a huge weight leave his shoulders. He felt the delivery of his statement sit heavily between them, and he knew he had made his point. Hake thought he might have even seen a small smile on Rowan’s face, but it was gone as quickly as it had shown up.

“Good answer. Onto the next question.”

Hake continued to answer them strongly, making sure to emphasize his passion for working with the professor. Rowan followed up with a few logistical questions regarding his background, during which Hake finally began to lower his guard.

Finally, Rowan clapped his hands together. “Alright, Hake, it looks like that’s all we have time for today. Thank you for being here, and you can expect a response from me sometime in the next few days.” Hake snuck a glance at his watch. It was 8:15 on the dot.

Rowan reached a hand out, which Hake shook, cringing as he felt the sweat from his palms.

“Thank you, professor, It was a pleasure talking with you!”

...

After they had gathered their things, they headed back towards the entrance, where Bebe was talking pleasantly to another student. Hake felt a pang of annoyance. Was Bebe just equally nice to everyone? He thought they had struck up a pretty sweet friendship but didn’t feel quite as special anymore.

She looked up at them as they approached, beaming, and said, “Hello professor. Hey Hake. I hope everything went well.” She clicked a few things on the computer screen, presumably checking the room back out. Hake waited for Rowan to acknowledge Bebe first.

“Everything went fine, thank you, Bebe. Oh, and I must apologize for being slightly late. I promise, that isn’t usual behavior for me, I simply got a little too caught up in the interview prior to this. I hope you all have a fantastic day,” he said brightly, leaving the building.

Bebe gave him a look, turning her attention away from the other student. “Well? Did it go well, or was the old man being nice?”

“It went pretty well I think, but Rowan still didn’t seem particularly impressed. Maybe he was just trying to conceal it, I’m not sure.” Hake bit his lip in thought.

Bebe shook her head. “No, I’m sure you did great. I’ve heard he often cuts off his boring interviews early, and it looks like you made it through the full 30 minutes. I’d call that a win if I were you.”

Hake laughed. “I guess so. But then who’s the person he interviewed before me? They’ve gotta be something special if they managed to keep him overtime.”

The other student seemed slightly annoyed that the attention was off him, and resigned back to sitting in one of the chairs in the lobby, scrolling mindlessly through his phone.

Bebe’s smile flickered slightly. “I probably have an idea of who it could be. Our beloved star student of course.” She rolled her eyes and went back to typing on her computer.

“Why do you sound annoyed?” Hake squinted at her.

Bebe grumbled something under her breath, then spoke aloud, “She’s just another one of the pretentious fucks that think they’re perfect around here. Thing is, she might actually be the closest to it that we’ve ever had at Jubilife.”

Bebe sighed, pausing for a second. It seemed like she was collecting her thoughts.

“You said it was your first day here? I guarantee you’ll hear the name a lot more from now on. The other students here would grovel and lick her toes if they could.”

Hake recoiled a little bit. “That’s a little much, don’t you think? No one’s that good.” His interest, however, was piqued. Maybe he could find another friend in her, although he doubted it if she was really as arrogant as Bebe claimed. “Who is she?”

Bebe locked eyes with Hake, saying the name with a hint of malice.

“Cynthia.”

 

[Junebug44]

Chapter 2:​

“Okay, enough about Cynthia. I can talk my shit, but weren’t you also ‘Mr. Perfect’ at your university?”

Bebe placed her Unova masala chai down on the table, leaned back in her chair, and folded her arms. Conveniently, Hake took this moment to take a long sip of his Kanto matcha latte. He couldn’t help but close his eyes; it was delicious.

Following the morning’s events, Hake had wanted to hear more about Cynthia and Jubilife in general, so he invited Bebe to hang out after her shift. Being unfamiliar with the popular spots on campus, he let Bebe choose the location. However, the place she had suggested was far from popular and wasn’t even technically on campus. It was about a half-hour walk through the city, but she insisted that he’d love it, so he made the trip.

The shop was small but charming, with a buttery yellow exterior contrasted by white shutters and a bright red door. A wooden sign hung from above the door, spelling out The Shaymin Shack. There were flower pots near the entrance, giving it a burst of color amidst the simplicity. Even before entering, the atmosphere was very homey, but inside, the cozy theme continued, with a soft cinnamon scent and picture frames of a family covering the walls. The far end wall was filled with shelves of colorful tins and jars with a wide selection of teas from herbal to special blends. Bebe had assured him that the family who ran the shop sourced their ingredients from farmers in various regions to guarantee their authenticity and freshness.

Bebe smirked as Hake enjoyed the tea. “Go on, I’m waiting,” she said cloyingly. Hake didn’t pin her to be a particularly patient person.

Prior to this, Hake had shamelessly asked about Cynthia, but Bebe didn’t seem to mind. She peppered her explanations with mockery, making Hake laugh as she talked about her. Cynthia was apparently a double major in Pokémon History and Earth Science with perfect grades, and the entire student body thought she was gorgeous. However, according to Bebe, Cynthia believed she was too superior to return the kindness of others, and Hake picked up on a hint of bitterness in Bebe's tone when she mentioned this. That’s when she swiftly changed the subject, turning the tables in Hake’s direction.

“I don’t know if I want to say; it seems like you have a grudge against perfect people,” Hake teased.

Bebe made a rude hand gesture. “If you were perfect, you wouldn’t have matcha dribbling down your chin,” she said, giggling as Hake’s neck reddened, and he scrambled to wipe the tea off his face.

“Alright, fine,” Hake huffed, clearing his throat. “I’m a quantum physics student from Wyndon University, the largest educational institution in the entire region of Galar. You probably figured that, though what professor Rowan said about me being the ‘top of the class’ is a bit misleading. Academically, I would consider myself in the top 1% of students, which still puts about 100 people around my level.”

Bebe stuck out her bottom lip sarcastically and crossed her arms. “Poor you.”

Hake folded his arms back. “You literally asked. Anyways, I’ll admit I was a sharp learner, though that’s not what made me stand out to the professor. Halfway through my education, something about me caught the attention of Professor Magnolia, who offered to help me with my research.”

Bebe’s expression shifted to one of curiosity. “Huh, wasn’t she Rowan’s colleague? That’s pretty cool. How’d she help you out?”

Hake nodded. “She was the mentor who helped me connect with Pokémon on a personal level. As a professor, she has a lot of Pokémon for her research, and under her supervision, I was actually able to command some in battles against her granddaughter. I wasn’t 21 at that point, so I couldn’t own any of them myself, but I started to bond pretty tightly with some.” As Hake reminisced, his eyes glazed over and he remembered the painful sting of a stick hitting his nose while attempting to control his Pokémon. He winced at the memory.

“And that led you here?” Bebe prodded.

Hake smiled sheepishly. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with the idea of going on an adventure, battling with friends, and taking on the Pokémon League, but here we are.” He took a sip of his latte, wiping away another stray drop off his chin. “The instant I came of age I knew I was coming here. Undertaking the Pokédex project with Professor Rowan seamlessly combines my academic pursuits with the challenge of the League. I’m beyond pumped.”

Hake’s heart was racing as he spoke, his eyes brightening like a child during recess. He was aware that his enthusiasm could be overwhelming, and had learned to temper it around others. He tried to lower his energy before taking a deep breath and looking back up at Bebe.

However, Bebe’s usual friendly expression was replaced by something more fervent. Her face was animated with passion and there was fire in her eyes. It was as if she had caught his energy and was mirroring it back to him.

“I know exactly what you mean,” she replied. “I’ve always loved the idea of exploring new places and catching a lot of unique Pokémon. The Pokédex would open up a whole new world of possibilities for us.” She broke out into a huge grin. “Imagine if we both got it, Hake. I think you’d be someone I’d want to start my journey with.”

Hake felt a surge of validation. “I couldn’t agree more,” he said, raising his cup in a toast. Bebe joyfully clinked her own cup with his, causing a little tea to splash out. The two of them dove back into conversation with a new spark, one that had ignited into an eager friendship.

…

The evening flew by, and they finished their teas. Hake made sure to leave a generous tip and thank the waitress, who gave them a smile so warm he knew he would be back.

Bebe gave Hake a fistbump as they walked out. “Hey, that was a lot of fun, Hake. Text me if you want to make plans again.”

Hake smiled. “Ditto. And good luck hearing back from the professor; maybe that’s the next time we’ll run into each other.

…

For three uneventful days, Hake confined himself to his dormitory, relishing in the free air conditioning, meal vouchers, and bottomless coffee of the break room. It was unlike him to avoid social interaction, but he wanted a nice, quiet environment to marinate in his anxiety and plan his next move if Rowan called back.

Spread out on his desk was a map of Sinnoh, marked with circles around places he wanted to visit in the future. Oreburgh and Sunyshore City topped his list, but Sunyshore would have to wait since Jubilife was practically on the opposite end of the map. Oreburgh, on the other hand, was a stone’s throw away and had a rich history of endangered and extinct Pokémon. Hake also imagined the thrill of battling the Oreburgh City Gym Leader as he chewed on his pencil eraser and leaned back in his chair, gazing up at the ceiling lost in thought.

Ding!

The notification broke Hake’s stupor as he looked up at his computer screen. His pulse quickened as he saw the email symbol, followed by Daniel T. Rowan. There was no question what the email was about; Professor Rowan was notorious for being unresponsive, so any contact from him was automatically significant.

Hake hovered his cursor over the notification, his leg defaulting to its anxious bounce. His finger seemed frozen over the mouse button as he took a long, drawn out breath.

Click!

Hake’s breathing hitched as he read the email:

Dear Hake,

Thank you very much for applying to assist me with my research. I would like to extend to you an opportunity. I apologize for the late notice, but if you would like to accept the offer, please meet me in Lance Auditorium on the Jubilife University campus at 3:00 pm on Thursday. Further details will be shared once you arrive.

Best,
Professor Rowan

Before Hake’s elation came a tsunami of relief, causing his shoulders to drop, his breathing to steady, and his leg to stop bouncing. He pumped his fist sharply in the air, letting out an involuntary whoop of joy. It took him a moment to calm himself enough to take another look at the email. His smile subsided a little.

3:00 pm on Thursday? That was today. Hake looked at his watch.

3:02 pm.

A flurry of confusion pierced through Hake’s euphoria as he grasped the situation he was in. Did Professor Rowan seriously just send an email to meet up at the same time it was sent?

Within a few minutes, it was as if a hurricane passed through Hake’s room, papers covering the floor, clothes sitting around in bunches, and chair knocked over. He didn’t have the time to dress properly, so he threw on a Wyndon University t-shirt and some decent khaki pants before flying out the door. He had an orange folder tucked loosely under his arm which consisted of some identification documents, as well as some blank paper and a pencil.

Hake shot through the college grounds with destination in mind, ducking and weaving through the student body as he closed in on Lance Auditorium. It was a 10-minute walk to get there, but he arrived in 3, checking his watch as the building came into sight.

3:10 pm.

Hake was panting as he rested his hands on his knees. He needed to compose himself before he entered, and he took a second to gaze at the massive building in front of him.

Lance Auditorium was the paramount building of Jubilife University, named after a Kanto champion and greatest donor to Pokémon education. Hake had done his research beforehand, but the grandeur of the structure still left him in awe.

It was enhanced by enormous pillars stretching high into the sky and an ornate façade, surrounded by stained glass that glinted in the vivid midday sunlight. Despite its size, however, the auditorium was not simply a soulless monolith. Rather, it was infused with the history and tradition of Pokémon mythology, with thousands of stories being told through the detailed carvings in the stone. The mammoth iron double doors were somehow the least impressive spectacle of the auditorium’s display, standing majestically like the gateway to another world.

Hake finally caught his breath, wiping away the sweat from his forehead as he stood straight, fixed his posture, and took a step towards the entrance, only to get clobbered in the back and sent face first towards the ground.

“Mmph!”

“Pardon me.”

Eating shit wasn’t on Hake’s to-do list before possibly the most important meeting of his life, but here he was, covered in grime and grass, spitting out bits of it from his mouth. He whipped his head up, trying to catch the perpetrator, but barely spotted long locks of blonde disappearing through the doorway after the sorry excuse of an apology. Luckily, the adrenaline from sprinting earlier was still there as he pulled himself off the ground, brushing the crumbs off his clothes. At this point, Hake’s drive to make himself look presentable was replaced by indignation and a subtle thirst for vengeance.

“You little…”

Hake balled his hands up into fists before marching through the doors, ready to give them a piece of his mind, but as soon as he stepped through, he was distracted again by the elegance of the auditorium – a vast array of glossy-black seats dimly lit by old-fashioned chandeliers. Every click of his shoe against the ceramic floors echoed deeply around the cavernous interior.

Suddenly, someone else burst through the doors behind him and hit his shoulder as they tried to run by. This time, though, Hake was prepared, and reflexively grabbed their arm. He gritted his teeth as they tried to pull away, mumbling, “why can’t you people watch where you’re fuckin–,” as he cut himself off. He realized he was glaring daggers at none other than Bebe, who regarded him with an equally annoyed expression, which then melted into one of recognition.

“Hake! W-what are you–?” She inquired nervously, shifting her weight backwards. Hake noted that she had dressed up for the occasion, but she fidgeted uncomfortably with the collar of her white blouse.

Hake’s irritation vanished, responding, “Oh, shit! Bebe! I thought you were someone else, that’s my bad.” He released her arm, putting his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, I was just a little on edge.”

As they caught their breaths, it finally hit them.

“Wait, you–”

“Bebe, we–”

Bebe grinned, giving Hake a playful punch on the shoulder. “Looks like we both made it! I’m glad to see you again, partner.”

Hake beamed back, feeling the joy ease his tension. “And you, too! Though I’m still a little confused…” he trailed off as he looked around, eyes traveling down the rows of seats towards the stage at the bottom.

Every square inch of the stage was illuminated evenly by surrounding spotlights. There was a small crowd of 3 students an awkward distance apart from one another on the first row of seats, indicating that they probably weren’t friends. At the center of the stage was professor Rowan, dressed impeccably in a crisp black tuxedo, fiddling with a microphone, eyebrows creased in frustration. He stood before a tall wooden podium and a black briefcase sat beside him on the floor.

“That’s probably the rest of us. Let’s go show face,” Hake gestured towards the others.

Bebe nodded and they quietly approached the others, making their way down the aisle. It was dark, making it difficult for Hake to see their faces, but he didn’t try too hard, knowing that seeing the blonde who knocked him over would just piss him off anyways. He took a seat near the end of the row, ignoring the curious looks from everyone else. Bebe sat beside him much less inconspicuously as she gave everyone a little wave. Despite her cheerful greeting, a quick glance at her betrayed a slightly soured expression; clearly she didn’t like what she saw.

Before Hake could say anything, the sound of loud whispers behind him caught his attention.

“Let’s go, I think we’re supposed to be down there.”

“See, I told ya we’re gonna make it! The old dude’s probably gonna be fiddling with the mic for another hour!”

“Shut up. You do realize we’re in Lance Auditorium? The ‘old dude’ can probably hear every word you’re saying.”

“Nah, the sound carries a lot better in the other direction. The audience needs to hear the performer, not the other way around. Duh.”

Stumbling into the auditorium were a pair of boisterous dudes, speed-walking their way to the front. The guy who spoke second stood out even in the dark, with a thick, frizzy red hair and a slightly hunched posture, but hiding a muscular build. He strode forward with large, confident steps and an unruly grin plastered on his face. Lagging slightly behind was a guy with spiky blond hair and a leaner build, a nonchalant expression guarding his emotions. He shuffled quickly, trying to keep up, his piercing blue eyes surveying the scene before him. Hake made brief eye contact with him before looking away.

Both men wore similar outfits, with identical dark gray collared shirts and formal pants. On the right side of their shirts was a logo of the mythical bird Pokemon, Zapdos, with the words Sunyshore University embroidered underneath. Hake raised an eyebrow; Sunyshore was the other prominent educational institute in Sinnoh, and he didn't expect to see anyone from there. Sunyshore and Jubilife had a long-lasting rivalry, to the point where the student bodies hated each other.

As the duo slid into seats near them, the redhead shouted up, “hey boss man! Sorry we’re late, but to be fair, you sent the email, like, 15 minutes ago.”

Rowan apparently had enough of fiddling with his mic and pushed it aside. He cleared his throat and spoke with a booming voice that carried much better than a mic ever could, “What nonsense, I sent the email yesterday…” peering inquisitively at the redhead.

“Untrue, prof, just ask everyone else. Did you by chance hit ‘scheduled send’?”

Mumbles of agreement were heard.

“Perhaps…well no matter,” Rowan deflected, “It seems most of you made it anyway. I’m going to go ahead and get started if you don’t mind.”

The redhead shrugged and leaned back in his chair, whispering something to his friend who smiled and rolled his eyes.

Rowan spread his arms in front of him. “Thank you all so much for coming! I will presume all of you who are here have decided to accept my offer, and for that I am very grateful.”

He paused for a moment, and hearing no objection continued, “today I will be handing you all my newest iteration of the Pokédex. This means I have placed a high level of trust on each of you, so please use it responsibly. But first, there are some formalities we must undergo and contracts we must sign. I hope you have brought your trainer’s licenses with you, because today, you may be entrusted with a Pokémon companion to explore the world alongside. Wild Pokémon are dangerous, and learning how to defend yourself is an essential skill in all of your endeavors.”

As the professor continued, Hake began to tap his foot impatiently, excitement bubbling beneath his skin. The moment he’d been working towards for so long was almost here. He was struck by sonder, looking around the room inadvertently as he realized that every person had their own reasons to be here and were working tirelessly to pursue their own dreams. As he gazed around, his eyes caught Bebe's, who responded with a waggle of her eyebrows.

“And now, I will call each of you up one at a time to sign this form. After that, I will grant you everything you need to officially become my research assistants. Please applaud for each person who steps foot on this stage, as they are now your fellow colleagues,” Rowan concluded, retrieving a flash card from his pocket and squinting at it.

“First up is…” Rowan scanned the crowd for a second before carrying on, “I guess he’s not here. In that case, first up would be…”

“Cynthia Finegold! Valedictorian of Jubilife University…Please come on up!”

 

[Junebug44]

Chapter 3:​

Hake’s head turned sharply, suddenly at full attention. He had a feeling Cynthia would be here, and Bebe’s quiet groan confirmed it.

Clack, clack, clack.

The sound of her heels against the vinyl floor was the only sound in the auditorium for a moment before the redhead started clapping loudly. That seemed to break everyone else out of their stupor as the other students remembered that they were supposed to follow suit. Polite applause followed as Cynthia emerged from the shadows and into the spotlight. Hake instantly took note of her long, curling blonde hair and furrowed his brows suspiciously.

She carried herself with assertiveness, each step with her tall boot as decisive as the one before it. She wore all black, with a well-fitted glossy dress that adorned a fuzzy trim and similarly fuzzy hair ties around her wrists. Her hair was held elegantly in place by yellow and black clips.

Hake had to consciously snap his mouth shut. Bebe rolled her eyes at Hake. “Typical,” she grumbled, folding her arms in front of her.

Cynthia approached Professor Rowan with a handshake, speaking in a smooth, unwavering tone, “Thank you Professor, but if you don’t mind, I would prefer to go by Cynthia Karashina.”

“Not a problem,” the professor replied, handing her a clipboard. “Now if you will just sign here, we can continue.” While Cynthia obliged, Rowan reached into a cardboard box on his podium, taking out a yellow device that resembled a large smartphone. “Ah, and I forgot to mention that the Pokédexes come in different colors!” His mustache twitched in amusement as he handed Cynthia a brand new Pokédex.

Cynthia accepted it, delicately inspecting it. She bowed her head in gratitude, thanking the professor as she put it in her purse.

“And if I remember correctly, you won’t be receiving a specialized starter from me, right?” Rowan pressed on as Cynthia's head bobbed in agreement. His voice carried a tinge of disappointment.

“Correct. I inherited an egg from my grandmother which hatched just a few days ago. She will be coming to drop it off tomorrow.” Her dignified demeanor faltered for a second as her eyes gleamed with anticipation.

“Very well then. You may return to your seat, Cynthia Karashina. I am eager to see you live up to your potential,” Rowan said firmly, and the whole auditorium seemed to stare again as Cynthia strode confidently back to her seat.

“Next up, salutatorian of Sunyshore University, Volkner Caesar.”

The attention in the room shifted as the blond Sunyshore student stood up from his seat and adjusted his shirt collar with a quick tug, only to stumble forward as his unruly redhead friend slapped his back loudly. The tension eased up as he walked onstage, giving the professor a polite nod through the smattering of applause.

Bebe leaned into Hake, whispering, “Valedictorian and then salutatorian? I don’t think it’s a coincidence.”

It took Hake a second to understand what she meant, and he nodded back, “I’m guessing his list is in the order of most to least qualified.” Hake's smirk widened, pausing for a moment to savor the thought. “Kind of embarrassing for whoever gets called last, huh?”

Bebe elbowed him. “Better not be you, dumbass,” she teased.

Hake elbowed her back. “Speak for yourself. I’m gonna be next, just watch,” he retorted.

Volkner had received a neon blue Pokédex and was examining it as Rowan finally opened his briefcase. It was difficult to see what was inside from his seat, but Hake’s guess was confirmed as Rowan pulled out a Pokéball, grabbing the attention of both Volkner and the crowd. The professor gently took Volkner’s hand and placed the ball into it, exclaiming, “I am ecstatic to present to you the partner I have chosen based on your application and interview. It was a difficult decision, but I am certain that you will thrive with this Pokémon at your side.” He gave Volkner a nod, who then pressed the white button on cue.

A brilliant flash of red light followed, forming a shape by Volkner’s feet, materializing a bright yellow body. The Pokémon’s vibrant hue was a striking sight, but as the glow subsided, its features came into view. Its compact physique was accentuated by short, stubby limbs that seemed ready to spring into action at any moment. A series of zigzagging patterns adorned its skin, resembling bolts of lightning frozen in time, and its ears poked out of its head like an electrical plug. As it excitedly bounced on its agile feet, tiny sparks danced along its body, illuminating its features with intermittent flashes of light.

“Elekid, the electric Pokémon. If it touches metal and discharges the electricity it has stored in its body, an Elekid begins swinging its arms in circles to recharge itself.”

Volkner seemed a little surprised at the robotic voice coming from his Pokédex. “Thank you…?” he replied, squinting at the device as if he were waiting for another response. The Pokédex remained resolutely silent.

“Ele?” The Elekid said inquisitively, looking up at Volkner. His expression softened as they made eye contact, and he kneeled down to his Pokémon’s level. A collective hush seemed to envelop the room as Volkner held a hand out tentatively, which Elekid observed for a second before headbutting it with its ears.

“Shit,” Volkner exclaimed, jerking his hand back as a spark of electricity flew up from their touch.

“I think he’s taken a liking to you,” Rowan said with an amused glint in his eyes as he handed Volkner a card. “This should have all the information you need regarding your starter. You may now return to your seat.”

Volkner pushed the button again, and in a sparkling display, the Elekid was gone. He walked back to his seat, and on closer inspection, Hake noticed Volkner slightly trembling.

Hake felt a twinge of regret overshadowing his excitement. Meeting your partner Pokémon; a moment of unparalleled purity for a trainer, but Hake would have to wait. During his interview with Rowan, Hake had emphasized that he wouldn’t be needing a specialized starter. He knew what Pokémon he wanted to begin his journey with, but Professor Magnolia’s granddaughter was only arriving tomorrow with it. He was looking forward to it, but he couldn’t help but wonder what Professor Rowan would have been chosen for him.

“Up next, from Wyndon University, Hake Tal,” Rowan continued.

Hake was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of his own name as he practically jumped out of his seat. Realization settled in as he smirked at Bebe, who rolled her eyes and flipped him off, but started the applause that everyone quickly caught on to. Hake stepped onto the spotlight, shading his eyes with his hands, as he suddenly became very conscious of the whole auditorium looking at him. As his eyes adjusted to the brightness, he dropped his hands and relaxed his expression, marching to the podium with an assured posture. If he was going to be at the center of attention, he wanted to show everyone that he wasn’t afraid.

“Congratulations. Please sign these papers and I’ll get you your Pokédex,” Rowan said, voice slightly monotone due to repetition.

Hake obliged and then looked out at the other students, taking note of the pair of unfamiliar faces that had arrived before him. One was a girl with a cascade of curly pink hair and a smattering of freckles adorning her cherubic face, who looked down at her knees as soon as Hake made eye contact with her. The other guy looked bored, fiddling with his glasses and looking into the distance. He had short black hair and looked very skinny. Hake then turned his focus to Cynthia, who returned his stare with a fiery intensity. Goosebumps began crawling up his skin before he remembered that she was the one who knocked him over outside. He set his jaw, refusing to let her intimidate him.

“Ehem. Hake?”

Unfortunately, Hake was forced to peel his eyes off Cynthia and onto Rowan, who was handing him a device with a slightly concerned expression. The Pokédex had a sleek deep royal purple hue and buttons reminiscent of a game controller. Hake accepted it with a “thank you” as he pressed the power button. The screen began to illuminate, displaying a massive blank spreadsheet where encountered Pokémon would render. Giving Rowan another nod of gratitude, he stepped out of the spotlight and went back to his seat.

“From Jubilife, Levon Grigoryan!”

Hake continued to fiddle with the Pokédex as if he were a high schooler with a cell phone. He hid it between his legs as he snuck glances at the student with glasses going about the same process again. He only looked up again when there was mention of a starter Pokémon, barely catching a glimpse of Levon releasing a composed and subdued Ralts.

“Bebe Windsor, also from Jubilife.”

She briefly flashed an annoyed look, but Hake simply shrugged in response. “At least you’re not last,” he joked. Bebe nodded in agreement, and her expression quickly transformed into one of jubilation as she practically skipped onto the stage. Following the formalities, Bebe received a tangerine orange Pokédex, followed by a Pokéball.

“There’s your starter! Go ahead,” Rowan said, excitement in his own voice. Hake could tell the man was passionate about his choices.

“Thanks, Professor,” Bebe replied cheerily, pressing the button that enveloped the stage in red light. As it died, before them was a small, captivating creature with lizard-green skin and big red eyes. From its mouth protruded straight tusks and atop its head was a long-curved horn. It looked up at Bebe all wide-eyed and innocent, but there was a fiery determination hidden in its gaze.

“Axew, the tusk Pokémon. Its large tusks have a tendency to break, but each time they grow back, they grow in harder and sturdier.”

Hake's eyebrows arched slightly. Axew was not only a rare Pokémon like Elekid, but was also a dragon type. Dragon Pokémon were renowned for their remarkable prowess in battle, and he was shocked Professor Rowan would give one away so freely. Bebe caught his eye and grinned, and Hake felt a twang of jealousy. Did he miss out by claiming his own starter? He responded to Bebe with a nonchalant “not bad” expression.

Following Bebe was the pink-haired girl, Judit Farkas, who revealed a Froakie starter. Hake thought the little frog was especially adorable as it hopped around aimlessly, spitting water at Judit and the Professor as they desperately shielded themselves and swiftly recalled the little troublemaker.

Finally, last and potentially the least, was the raucous redhead, whose name was Flint Lancaster. He pumped his fist into the air as a Magby popped out of his Pokéball. Out of all the students that received a Pokémon, Flint definitely seemed the most likely to get a fire type; the guy was wearing his vibrant personality on his sleeve, and his energy was infectious as Hake caught himself smiling.

Professor Rowan's hands came together with a resounding clap as Flint got back into his seat, turning back to the crowd. “Well my esteemed students, I’m pleased to see that everything went smoothly. I hope you are all excited as you embark on your journey with your very own Pokédex and Pokémon starters, for I certainly am. Hake and Cynthia, I kindly request that you both pay me a visit once more after you’ve received yours.”

The Professor checked his watch, then proceeded, “well, if no one has anywhere else to be, I suggest we make use of this auditorium. I have it booked for another hour, so who would like to have their first Pokémon battle up here?”

Murmurs swept through the students, and another surge of regret flowed through Hake. Damn. He was going to miss out on having a battle with his first Pokémon.

Bebe and Flint had their hands up before any other student could react to what Rowan had just said, and he beckoned to them. “Thanks for volunteering. Come on up here!” The two of them practically sprinted on stage, exchanging a nod of mutual respect before facing off on opposite ends of the stage. Professor Rowan hurried to gather his things, papers flying as he muttered, “Slow down there, let me get out of the way first.”

He retreated to the back of the stage to create room for them, then put a hand up, slicing down the air in front of him. “Let the battle commence!”

Bebe and Flint released their only Pokémon who both hit the ground ready, the Axew emitting a spirited roar as the Magby instantly began running at its opponent. Hake assumed both trainers had already taken a glance at their respective Pokémon’s info card since the battle picked up its pace so quickly.

“Magby, Leer!” said Flint, “don’t give them any time!!”

The small fire Pokémon rushed at the Axew with astonishing speed, eyes almost glowing as its claws made a screeching noise against the pine floor. It looked surprisingly intimidating given its size. The Axew took a small step back, looking back at its trainer for reassurance.

Bebe was not rattled, tossing her hand up. “Don’t let it get to you, Axew. Use Scratch!” The Axew lunged forward, aiming to strike the Magby.

“Keep it moving, Magby, give ‘em an Ember!” The Magby used its nimbleness to slide past the Axew instead of stopping, the Scratch barely grazing its skin as it jumped up, spun 180 degrees in the air, and spewed fire from its mouth. The flames hit the Axew directly, sending it staggering back. Even Flint looked a little shocked at the agility of the move, but he laughed. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

Bebe’s smile flickered a little, and her eyes sharpened. “Get up, Axew, it’s time for our counter-attack. Let’s start with a Leer of our own!”

The little dragon quickly recovered, hurt physically but not in spirit as it turned around, red eyes gleaming. It stood tall, taking slow steps towards the Magby, which lost its smug expression.

“Magby, get it with another Ember!” the Pokémon complied, unleashing another volley of flames, but the Axew was prepared this time.

“Dodge it, Axew and grab hold with a Scratch!” The Axew veered to the left, picking up speed as it avoided the attack and ran towards the Magby. Bebe then addressed Flint directly. “That was a cool move, but where’s Magby gonna go now, huh?” The fire Pokémon was stuck between the charging Axew and Bebe herself, unable to stop the claws from digging into its skin. “Now, Axew, Bite!”

The Axew held the Magby in place with its claws, enabling it to hit a nasty Bite on its neck. The Magby squealed, taking massive damage from the combination attack.

“Shit,” Flint exclaimed, his fervor replaced with concern. “Shake it off, Magby, and use Tackle to escape!” The Magby, however, could hardly listen, flinching at the sight of a ferocious Axew as Bebe finished the battle.

“Bite again, Axew!” The Axew did so, and the Magby collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

A moment of silence as the dust settled, and Rowan raised his hand back into the air. “Bebe is the victor!”

Hake immediately broke into applause, being enthralled in the battle, and the other students followed suit. Watching the way they commanded their partners had his blood pumping; he couldn’t wait to hop on stage and try it himself…until he remembered. Hake let out an audible groan. He didn’t know if he had the patience.

…

Somehow, Hake managed to endure the rest of the hour, watching as Bebe declared “winner stays in,” and beat Judit and Levon, only stopping to heal her Axew with some potions the Professor brought in between rounds. Hake glanced at Cynthia, remembering that she was in the same predicament as him. Her face didn’t betray her cool, he could tell she was itching by the tapping of her foot. He considered saying something, but decided against it. She didn’t exactly give the most approachable vibes. He also noticed that while she remained attentive to the battles, her gaze frequently landed on Bebe. Hake speculated if there were some things that Bebe left out about her.

Hake could tell Bebe was an excellent battler by the way she crushed her opponents, but the moment she faced up against Volkner, she was absolutely outclassed. Volkner demonstrated an impressive level of adaptability, maneuvering his Elekid around the Axew’s powerful jaws and wearing it out with Thunder Shock until it won with hardly a scratch. He had expertly taken advantage of the fact that the Axew was a melee attacker, a fact that Hake noted as well.

Professor Rowan was mostly silent during these battles. He didn’t show much expression, so Hake couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but after the battles wrapped up, he addressed the group, “I went into this segment expecting to guide you through your first Pokémon battles, but you are all marvelous. This is easily the most impressive bunch I’ve ever sponsored, and I look forward to seeing how you all progress through your journeys. Please stay in touch; my number is available on your Pokémon starter info cards. I respond to texts much quicker than I do emails.”

He then held up a Pokédex, pointing to it. “This will be your key to prove that you’re a research student. Scan it at any Pokémart and they’ll give you the standard materials for the month, including 10 Pokéballs, a handful of healing items, and more. If any resources are not sufficient, please reach out and we will figure something out,” Rowan concluded.

Flint chimed in with, “You the goat, Prof,” as everyone was dismissed.

…

The sky was a symphony of colors, with dynamic red streaks protruding from the horizon, slicing through the delicate azure. A gentle breeze chilled the air as the chirps from nearby Starlys faded into the trills of Kricketot. Hake checked his watch.

8:30 pm.

He had spent the majority of the evening getting dinner with Bebe, then taking a leisurely stroll around the Jubilife campus. They were talking each other’s ear off for hours about the afternoon’s events, and Bebe had finally brought out her Axew again, who was joyfully prancing near the fountain.

“Have you thought of a nickname for her yet?” Hake asked. He was sitting on a bench, watching as Bebe playfully splashed water at her Pokémon companion.

“I haven’t gone a second without thinking about it,” Bebe laughed, “but I dunno. I just don’t wanna rush it, ya feel?”

“I get it. Take your time,” Hake said. Comfortable silence fell between them for a few seconds before he broke it. “Well this is it, huh? You’re ready to head out on your journey! When are you planning on heading out? Where’s your first stop gonna be?”

“Well, I was planning on leaving tonight,” Bebe replied, and a bitter taste of disappointment lingered in Hake mouth, tainting the sweetness of anticipation.

“...but I’m gonna have to wait, unfortunately. Some dumbass I’m traveling with decided that he was getting his starter tomorrow. When’s that by the way?” Bebe continued, smirking mischievously at Hake.

Hake breathed a sigh of relief, glad that she’d remembered their promise. “My, um, friend should be arriving with the Pokémon tomorrow morning. You want to meet me at the Pokécenter tomorrow? Then we can see our favorite old man again before we head out.”

Bebe raised an eyebrow. “Sure, but you don’t seem as excited as I thought you’d be.”

Hake stared at the Axew drinking the fountain water for a couple of seconds, preparing his answer to the question. “I’m beyond pumped to be getting my Pokémon, I’m just not thrilled to see the person who’s delivering it.”

Bebe put her hands on her hips. “And why’s that?” She probed.

“Because it’s my ex, Sonia Magnolia.”

 

[Flyg0n]

I have been meaning to check this out so I hit up the first chapter on a whim and WOW I am in love.

Hake washed himself in the sunlight, stretching as he took in the gorgeous campus of Jubilife University.

I adore this metaphor, 'washing' himself in the sunlight sparked such vivid imagery for me

“I see you are a double major in Quantum Physics and Pokémon Biology with a concentration in evolution. That is very interesting. Where do you think the crossover between the majors lies?”

Oh shoot, Hake is a smart cookie!!!

Allow me to show you how evolution is just one such example.” Hake rolled up his sleeves, feeling himself becoming slightly more animated as he started waving his arms around.

“Superposition. The concept that quantum particles can exist in multiple states, could be the gateway to explain the fundamentals of evolution in the first place. An instantaneous change in the appearance and functionality of a Pokémon indicates that these quantum particles, along with their positions, had to be written into the DNA of the species, allowing most evolutions to be predictable and a natural part of their growth.” It was too late to stop himself, Hake was very far gone into his rant.

This was a really cool scene that shows really well that hake is passionate and knows his stuff, and it strikes a good balance between technical words but still comprehensible to the average reader. I also love that Hake has this very particular unique niche he's into. It feels like its something unique that he could touch upon but also not thats he's some Super Speshul OC. He feels believably intelligent and schooled.

“As soon as the Pokémon in question reaches the critical point in its growth, the particles that make up the creature are entangled, starting a chain reaction of influencing each of their states, and ultimately making up a completely new form.

pokemon evolution as quantum entanglement????????? that is SO COOL im frothing at the mouth I've never encountered this take on it before and I dearly hope we get more sciency worldbuilding like this because its extremely cool.

“This is why I approached you in the first place, sir. Prior to continuing my research, I believe the best way to understand and become close with Pokémon is to adventure with them and form a relationship. Helping you fill your Pokédex while taking on the gym challenge would be an exhilarating experience and would be a fantastic starting point for my goals. I believe we can not only be mutually beneficial for each other, but can form a true friendship amidst our shared love for Pokémon and research.”

I can tell im gonna really like this story, especially if the ideal of growing closer to pokemon and adventuring together is at its core. Thats my bread and jam butter so much. Also I like that this is set pre Sinnoh games and its very cool that his goal is using the pokedex and Rowan's program to study more poke biology and quantum physics.

Bebe was talking pleasantly to another student. Hake felt a pang of annoyance. Was Bebe just equally nice to everyone? He thought they had struck up a pretty sweet friendship but didn’t feel quite as special anymore.

Awww hehe, I like this little pang of friendship jealousy Hake feels, wanting to be special to Bebe! It really characterizes Hake

“Cynthia.”

OHOOHOHOHO there's already BIG SALT. Also a great end to the chapter. Felt like an effective mic drop moment.


I wasn't paying a ton of attention to grammar but only one sentence kept standing out as reading a touch awkward:

He looked carefully at his final outfit decision, adorning a sharp gray blazer, matching gray pants, and a crisp white shirt underneath.

I think you can delete adorning because the word use here implies he's adorning it, but apparently he already put it on? Either that or you could adjust the first half of the sentence and say something like "He adorned his final outfit and amired his decision: [Description]."
Just a reaaalllly tiny quirk! I think the rest of it is solid because once I got going it read smoothly.

Overall I reaallly enjoyed this first chapter! It was short and sweet and I think it serves as a great setup. I got a nice sense of the world. it feels grounded, with details like the shipping his stuff to him, coming to Sinnoh for a study program, the campus descriptions and etc. I also felt like I got a got idea of Hake's personality, at least for a first chapter. He's passionate but awkward, but prone to worrying a bit. He's capable of conversation but just a bit out of his element and wants a friend, and he seems very nice too.

I also really like Bebe, she seems like a sweet character and they bounced off each other very well in their short interaction. Bebe is quite colorful and clearly has strong opinions on the student body, ehehehe.

I am quite curious to see how Hake and Bebe's and Cynthia's relationships develop. Also that mysterious opening has definitely piqued my curious. I like the prose and the slightly ominous tone, it painted a striking picture in my head (im certain on of them is Cynthia and maybe the other Hake but, im so curious to know why).

I think the thing I am most curious to see now will be the pokemon characters, and how they fit into everything! I cannot wait to hit up ch 2 & 3 soon.

This is a really solid open that is unique but does not overstay its welcome and leaves me wanting more.

 

[Junebug44]

First of all, thank you SO much for checking my fic out! I'm going to thank you ahead of time for all the compliments and criticisms (which made me so so happy).

pokemon evolution as quantum entanglement????????? that is SO COOL im frothing at the mouth I've never encountered this take on it before and I dearly hope we get more sciency worldbuilding like this because its extremely cool.

I'm glad you like the twist on my journeyfic! I'm a big quantum mechanics fan (I'm decently versed in STEM) and I love understanding the theories of physics, relativity, etc, so why not bring it into the world of Pokemon, right?

I'm glad you want more world-building and explanation in that vein, because you will ABSOLUTELY be getting it. Chapter 4 is going to wrap up the starting arc of Hake's story, and then the actual journey is gonna begin. There's a lot to learn about my world, and there's some devious people out there who are trying to mess with it ;) , so stay tuned if you want to find out more!

I can tell im gonna really like this story, especially if the ideal of growing closer to pokemon and adventuring together is at its core. Thats my bread and jam butter so much. Also I like that this is set pre Sinnoh games and its very cool that his goal is using the pokedex and Rowan's program to study more poke biology and quantum physics.

Yeah! So far the intro has been a lot of Go! Go! Go! but soon I'll be slowing things down to elaborate on Hake and the world we're in, and hopefully you'll get a better idea of the direction this fic is gonna go! Hake just wants to have the adventure of his life :))

Awww hehe, I like this little pang of friendship jealousy Hake feels, wanting to be special to Bebe! It really characterizes Hake

I hope you like Hake and Bebe's friendship because without a doubt this has been my favorite thing to write. Writing their interactions is just so natural since Bebe is such a bubbly person and Hake has that witty humor, and there's a lot of development to be done with them! (also glad you noticed the jealousy...just a little personality dump, hake's just a sweet guy...or is he?)

Also that mysterious opening has definitely piqued my curious. I like the prose and the slightly ominous tone, it painted a striking picture in my head (im certain on of them is Cynthia and maybe the other Hake but, im so curious to know why).

Good theory hehe, and I'm glad you liked the opening! I had a vivid image in my mind and I'm happy to hear I conveyed it well. Now I just have to do the same for the events leading up to it.

All in all, thanks again for reading Branches of Sinnoh! I promise I won't disappoint. Ultimately, it is a journey fic, but that doesn't mean I won't be sending you on an emotional rollercoaster throughout >:)

I appreciate that tidbit of criticism you gave me; absolutely feel free to give more, I value your opinion highly and I would love to improve my writing! Good night!

@Flyg0n

 

[Junebug44]

Chapter 4:​

8:45 am.

Hake and Bebe were greeted by the familiar red roof and sliding glass door. As they stepped inside, the scent of healing herbs and antiseptic solutions wafted through the air, creating a distinct aroma. The center featured distinct sections, each serving its designated purpose. To the left, a row of check-in counters stood ready to assist trainers with their needs, while on the right, a spacious waiting area provided a cozy space for trainers and their Pokémon to rest and recuperate. It was fairly early and the building felt empty, save for the Nurse Joy delicately cleaning the healing stations while humming a merry tune.

Bebe pointed at the entrance of the Jubilife City's Pokémon Center. "Is that her?"

Bebe and Hake, both not fond of mornings, had found themselves in a surprising scarcity of conversation. She had asked him about Sonia and their past, but he gave vague answers until she got the hint and dropped it. He knew it wasn’t the end of it, though, as he caught a glint of hunger in Bebe’s eye as she saw Sonia.

Hake turned to where Bebe was pointing, stiffening as he saw a flash of wavy orange hair at the door. Sonia was wearing a marine green sweater that complemented her vibrant emerald eyes, and she moved with a graceful sway, gently emphasizing her elegant curves. Even the nurse Chansey seemed to turn its head as she approached.

Hake shoved his hands into his pockets. He stylishly layered a soft blue shirt over a crisp white t-shirt. Bebe had asked him what the occasion was, but he’d pointedly ignored both her question and her smirk.

As Sonia drew near, Hake noticed her gaze flick from him to Bebe, and her lips thinned. Hake stepped forward to meet her, “Hey, Sonia. It’s…um…been a while.”

Sonia fluffed her hair a little, barely making eye contact as she picked at her sleeve. “Hi, Hake, it’s nice to see you.” She paused.

An eternity passed in silence amidst the dull conversation until it was finally broken by an overenthusiastic Bebe. “Hey! Sonia, right? I love your sweater by the way. I’m Bebe, Hake’s friend!”

Sonia's shoulders relaxed slightly as she responded, “Great to meet you, Bebe! Gosh, I’m glad you like the sweater, I actually did a little bit of summer shopping online, and…”

Sonia and Bebe hit it off like old friends who were catching up. Hake inwardly rolled his eyes as he pretended to partake, occasionally smiling and nodding his head.

“So I heard you were here to drop off Hake’s Pokémon? That’s a pretty far journey to take for a favor like that.” Bebe asked.

“Well, partially. I’m also in Sinnoh for the summer to see an old friend of my grandmother’s. She’s a professor who looks into historical legends,” replied Sonia.

Hake recalled that Sonia studied Pokémon Mythology at Wyndon, and he felt some irrational anger that he quickly shook away. She was moving on with her life. Good for her. Why should he care?

“And what about both of you? I’m guessing you got your research funding, Hake? Unless you're paying for being a trainer out of your own pocket…” Sonia inquired.

“Yeah, we both did! In fact, we're heading to Oreburgh together today to kickstart our careers,” Bebe answered.

Hake saw his opportunity and interjected, “...which brings us here. I’m ready to see him again, Sonia.”

Sonia nodded, reaching into her purse and pulling out a Pokéball. “Here he is. I kept him safe on the Corviknight taxi. He kept buzzing and rolling so much, I was worried he’d fall off.”

Hake grinned. “Sounds familiar.” He reached a hand out and Sonia placed the Pokéball gently into his palm. As their hands briefly brushed against each other, Hake's pulse quickened, and he tightly gripped the Pokéball. He raised it up in front of him.

Click. “Come on out, Kong.”

A small primate materialized on the ground between them with pear-green fur, adorned with patches of a lighter hue that resembled a mask on its face. The twin leafy sprouts on its head bobbed with a playful bounce, exuding a fresh scent of nature.

Hake pulled out his Pokédex.

“Grookey, the chimp Pokémon. When it uses its special stick to strike up a beat, the sound waves produced carry revitalizing energy to the plants and flowers in the area.”

With mischievous eyes that sparkled like dew-kissed leaves, the Grookey observed its surroundings, taking in the new environment with a curious gaze. Its round face bore an infectious smile that seemed to invite adventure as it tapped its little stick on the ground. Hake, Bebe, and Sonia watched the cute creature adoringly.

Bebe then scrunched her eyebrows. “Kong? Like King Kong? Or Donkey Kong?”

“No. Like Wukong, you dunce.”

“Oops.”

At the sound of his name, Kong saw Hake and jumped into his arms, chattering hyperactively. “Hey, bud,” Hake said, laughing, “I missed you too.” Hake playfully pushed him away and Kong dangled loosely from Hake’s arm, blinking innocently.

“Grroookey,” Kong chimed, dropping to the ground.

Hake vividly recalled the day Kong hatched. He had monitored the egg day and night tirelessly, waiting for the little guy to show face, even though Professor Magnolia’s other eggs had hatched weeks earlier.

“Some eggs just never hatch,” Magnolia said bluntly. “The parents may just have to try again sometime.”

But Hake's determination remained unwavering; there was an allure to the speckled green egg that compelled him to stick by it. In the depths of the night, he found himself engaged in one-sided conversations, convinced that a faint warmth radiated from its delicate shell. Hake’s efforts had finally paid off when, on one fateful night, the egg hatched before his eyes. The little critter’s eyes blazed with playfulness and the name Wukong came to him instantly. Sonia’s meandering rambles about lost myths had really rubbed off on him.

“You hungry little guy?” Hake said as he pulled out a tiny banana from his pocket, watching amusedly as the little ape went ballistic over it.

Sonia smiled warmly. “Well, I’m glad I caught this heartwarming reunion,” she said, “but I must be leaving, I have other places to be.”

Hake thanked her profusely and said his goodbyes while Bebe gave her a brief embrace. Kong was getting to be a little too rowdy, eliciting disapproving looks from Nurse Joy due to his erratic screeching, so Hake returned him to his Pokéball.

“Damn, bro, you fumbled hard,” Bebe whispered to Hake as they watched Sonia walk out the door. His eyes lingered on her for a few seconds longer than necessary.

Hake grumbled, “shut up,” under his breath, shifting his gaze to the Pokéball in his hands.

“So you wanna talk –”

“No.”

“Looked like she was missing ya too, ya know,” Bebe said softly.

Hake met her knowing eyes as she continued, “she couldn’t take her eyes off you while you were playing with Kong.”

“Whatever,” Hake mumbled, but his eyes portrayed gratitude as they left the Pokémon Center. “Let’s head over to the sign. Rowan said he’d meet us there at 10.”

Bebe and Hake made the short trip to the “Jubilife University” sign, written in grand, elegant bubble letters on a sleek black acrylic. However, it had fallen victim to college vandalism, with the letter 'B' faintly traced over the 'J' and the letter 'S' added before the 'L'. Hake didn’t understand it until he said the altered version out loud, at which Bebe maturely giggled.

The surrounding area was a flat plain, covered by a soft carpet of emerald grass. The expanse, void of shade, was empty this morning, but Hake had seen students tossing around a baseball or having casual Pokémon battles before.

As they drew closer, Hake noticed that Professor Rowan was waiting for him, as promised. To his surprise, a familiar face stood next to the old man. Cynthia seemed to like her dark wardrobe, wearing a casual black v-neck, and her hair fell down her back as elegantly as the previous day. Upon seeing this, Bebe began to slow down, lagging slightly behind Hake.

“You go ahead, I’ll just watch,” she said.

Hake shot her a glance. “So you’re gonna leave me to deal with them?”

Bebe huffed. “You’ve got no choice. Look, the Professor’s waving you over.”

Hake fell for the oldest trick in the book as he looked over, saw that the Professor hadn’t noticed them, and looked back quizzically only to see that Bebe had disappeared.

“That idiot,” Hake muttered, shaking his head and walking up to them.

Cynthia noticed him first and gave him a tight-lipped smile. Hake returned it briefly, after which they both looked away. There was an air of uncertainty; Hake hadn’t interacted much with Cynthia, but her consistently poised demeanor irked him. It didn’t help that Bebe swayed his opinion heavily.

The awkward interaction caught Rowan’s attention. He turned to Hake, rubbing his hands together. “Ah, there he is! Seems like both of you ended up here around the same time,” he said.

“Nice to see you again,” Hake replied politely. There wasn’t really anywhere to sit, so he leaned awkwardly against the sign. “I just received my partner Pokémon this morning. Do you need to examine him or something?” he asked.

The Professor paused for a second. "Now, in a typical scenario, I would simply request to see your Pokémon starters, but given the convergence of your paths, I propose an alternative course of action." In an authoritative tone, Rowan proposed, "Why not demonstrate their capabilities through a Pokémon battle?"

Ba-dum.

Hake physically felt his next heartbeat as adrenaline shot up his body. As he looked up, his eyes met Cynthia’s with a spark of competition. No words were exchanged, they both subtly straightened their backs and squared their shoulders.

Hake wasn’t sure why he was so agitated, but something about Cynthia made him want to win more than anything. The tenacity in her eyes betrayed that she was experiencing something similar as they sized each other up.

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” Cynthia said, and Hake nodded in agreement.

“Then we shall not waste another moment,” Rowan declared, taking a couple of steps backwards. “Let the battle commence!”

Hake studied his opponent carefully, watching every little movement and taking mental notes. He was struck by a twinge of envy thinking of Cynthia’s ‘perfect’ reputation, but he reminded himself that it didn’t mean that she was void of weaknesses.

“Come on out, Napoleon.”

At Cynthia’s call, a small, blue shark-like creature was released with big, round eyes and a fin atop its head. Its massive jaws were lined with razor sharp teeth with a bright red belly underneath. It stood on two stubby little legs, but the claws dug into the dirt menacingly.

“Gible, the land shark Pokémon. It nests in horizontal holes warmed by geothermal heat. Foes who get too close can expect to be pounced on and bitten.”

“Let’s show ‘em, Kong,” Hake said as he released his own Pokémon. The Grookey materialized with a screech, bouncing nonsensically in anticipation.

Hake tried to get the jump on the battle. “Kong, use Bra–”

“Sand Tomb.”

Cynthia’s voice was cool and calculated as a flurry of dirt was whisked up from the ground underneath Kong. The Grookey struggled against the whirlwind of dust imprisoning him, and Hake watched, momentarily frozen as the battle gained rapid momentum. Napoleon’s eyes glowed faintly as he roared in triumph, but Cynthia was far from done.

“Tackle,” she commanded.

Hake snapped out of his reluctance, realizing he had to act quickly to keep up with the battle, and firmly instructed, “Save your strength and retaliate with Growl.”

Kong understood his orders and immediately stopped resisting the Sand Tomb. His tiny chest inflated, then released a powerful growl, causing the Gible to hesitate before slamming into him. Kong was thrown backwards, skidding against the ground, but the Tackle was weakened and he was knocked out of the Sand Tomb.

Cynthia was relentless. “Attack again, Napoleon.”

This time, Hake was quick to respond, giving orders simultaneously, “Move fast and Scratch!”

Napoleon barreled at the little primate once more, but Kong was prepared, darting towards the little shark and sidestepping with unexpected dexterity. Napoleon stumbled past, leaving its back wide open, and Kong’s claws gleamed in the sunlight as he swiped towards his opponent.

“Sand Attack,” said Cynthia calmly.

Without missing a beat, the Gible flicked its legs backwards, showering dirt into Kong’s face, causing him to barely miss the Scratch. It was Kong’s turn to stagger back, wiping at his eyes to clear his vision, but Cynthia didn’t give him a chance to recover.

“Tackle.”

This time Kong didn’t stand a chance, unable to follow Hake’s desperate yells to dodge, facing the full force of Napoleon's fin into his body. Hake felt his Pokémon’s howl rattle his thoughts, and his excitement began to shift into concern.

“Tackle again.” Napoleon attacked again with absolutely no mercy before Kong could recollect himself.

Bam.

Kong was dropped to the ground, knees trembling under the weight of exhaustion. His chest heaved with each labored breath, bruises and scratches covering its small frame. Napoleon finally paused for a second, hopping back to Cynthia’s side of the battlefield.

“Kong…” Hake whispered as his adrenaline began slowing down. He hadn’t managed to land a single scratch on Cynthia’s Pokémon. The frustration began rushing in, but before it could consume him, he heard a grunt so quiet he thought he imagined it.

As he looked up, Hake saw Kong, propping himself up with a shaking hand. An understanding passed through Hake when he saw his Pokémon’s eyes. A spirit refusing to be extinguished, a silent aura meant only for Hake’s eyes.

“Finish it off, Napoleon!' Cynthia demanded, her voice rising as she realized the battle wasn't over.

The Gible, still full of energy, began charging at its opponent once more with an air of confidence. Seeing Kong on the ground, Napoleon tapped into even more speed than before, but to Hake, everything was moving in slow motion as his eyes focused.

Wait… Wait for it…

“Now! Scratch!” An instant before Napoleon made contact with Kong, the chimp struck first, smashing its claws into the shark Pokémon’s chin and sending it flying back. Kong’s exhausted gaze was replaced by mischief dancing through his eyes at the successful trick. He launched himself at his opponent, shocking even Hake with his resilience.

“Branch Poke, Kong!” Hake said as his Pokémon continued its tireless assault, chasing Napoleon down and delivering hit after hit. The poor little Gible couldn’t even find its footing as Kong pummeled it around the field like a hockey puck. Each hit seemed to shake the ground; Hake figured this was a product of Kong's ability Overgrow, boosting his move's power as a response to his fatigue.

“Napoleon, get away!” Cynthia exclaimed, a bit of panic creeping into her composed presence. Napoleon took multiple vital hits before rolling himself to the side, dodging one of Kong’s powerful blows and finally getting himself back on his feet.

“Keep your distance with Sand Tomb!” She said, attempting to regain control of the battle.

However, it was too late for a counter-attack; Hake was locked in, and so was Kong. “Let’s finish this, Kong,” Hake commanded as the Grookey jumped nimbly, cleanly avoiding the attack and reaching an impressive height. He hovered there for a moment, like a leaf in the wind, before coming down with the force of gravity behind his twig.

“Branch Poke!”

The force of the attack caused Napoleon’s legs to simply give out as he crashed into the ground. Quiet enveloped them for a second as the dust settled, revealing Napoleon was unconscious.

The silence lingered for several seconds, with only the sounds of Hake and Kong breathing heavily, as Rowan suddenly remembered that he was refereeing the match.

“What an incredible battle! I can tell the two of you paid attention in your battle lectures,” the Professor boomed. He looked back and forth at the two of them, an unexplainable look in his eyes. “The winners are Hake and his Grookey!”

It took Hake a moment to register what had happened, but the victory soon sunk in and he was inflated with elation. He grinned at Kong, who hooted despite his exhaustion before plopping himself on his back. “You did good, bud,” Hake said.

Both he and Cynthia recalled their Pokémon and walked towards each other to shake hands, as was customary for a friendly battle. Cynthia tilted her head forward, her graceful blonde locks casting a shadow on her face as she drew near. Hake offered his hand and Cynthia accepted, grasping it firmly as she finally met Hake’s eyes. Chills traveled down his spine at the ferocity in her gaze, but he met her glare with his own.

“Decent battling, I suppose,” Cynthia said, speaking directly to Hake for the first time. Her words were laced with ice and her grip on his hand tightened uncomfortably. Hake felt a pang of annoyance.

“I guess decent was all it took,” he retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and a flash of aggravation flitted across her face.

The Professor noticed this and released one of his rare, hearty chuckles."I predict both of you will experience remarkable growth. Nothing motivates better than a healthy dose of rivalry."

Hake knew Professor Rowan was right; he was already itching to begin his journey, knowing that Cynthia would be embarking on the same path. After feeling how heightened all of his emotions were, though, he wasn’t sure if ‘healthy’ was an appropriate description for their rivalry.

Hake and Cynthia turned away from each other, their expressions still tense, and thanked Rowan. They waited for him to heal their Pokémon before Cynthia walked away, head still held high. Hake didn’t know where Bebe had gone, but he started walking in the opposite direction when she popped up next to him, scaring him half to death.

“Geezus, Bebe, where the hell even were you?” Hake asked exasperatedly.

Bebe’s eyes were almost sparkling. “Never mind that, the real question is where the hell you got your battling skills from. That was in-fucking-credible! We need to battle soon, or I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Hake couldn’t help but smirk. “Alright, alright, let me breathe,” he replied, laughing. “First, let’s leave the city. I want to feel like we’re making progress to Oreburgh.”

Bebe punched the air in front of her. “Let’s get outta here, then! I’m gonna kick your ass like you did to that pretty princess,” she exclaimed.

“On that note, you wanna explain what your history with her is?” Hake said. Bebe’s smile faded, and she put her hands on her hips.

“If you’re allowed to be sketchy, so am I,” she asserted. “Why don’t you talk about your deal with Sonia?”

Hake groaned. “Why do I have to go first? Besides, I told you, she’s just my ex.”

Bebe shook her head. “Cuz I asked first. And you know what I mean; I want all the details.”

“Well you should have told me about Cynthia back when at the Shaymin Shack,” Hake shot back. “So you talk first.”

“You’re such an ass,” Bebe said, elbowing him. “At this point I’ll just ask Sonia, she seems way nicer.”

And with that, the tactless duo bickered their way towards the exit, away from the bustling streets of Jubilife City. The sun hung high in the sky, casting a warm, golden glow over the expansive grassy plains that stretched before them. Colorful patches of wildflowers dotted the landscape, adding splashes of vibrant hues to the otherwise lush green canvas. It was time to begin their Pokémon voyage.

 

[BossCar]

Chapter 1:​

Lightning flashed without a drop of rain to follow. The sky rumbled in protest as deep gray clouds tried to hide the speckling of stars. The taut air seemed like it was holding its breath at the scene before it.

A young man stood at the edge of the empty streets of Jubilife city, assertively facing the entrance of an innocent business building. It stood firmly despite the battering it had taken, though the surrounding streetlights could not claim the same. Broken glass littered the surrounding area and some of the bulbs flickered unpredictably. A fountain a short distance away was sliced cleanly in half, water spraying erratically, giving the parched air its only source of humidity.

The man's expression betrayed a multitude of emotions, ranging from resentment to hurt, as a breeze caressed his tanned skin. His black collared shirt, with rolled up sleeves, revealed goosebumps, and he held a Pokéball firmly in his palm. He wore a solid-red cap that adorned his soft, dark brown hair. His gaze was controlled as he stared at the figure in front of him, breathing heavily.

At the entrance of the building was a woman of similar age. She stared back at the man with a smirk and a cocky hand on hip, the other one holding a Pokéball. However, upon inspection, her eyes were just as tired, and she concealed her quick breaths. She wore a dark leather jacket over a black top, and her long, voluminous blonde hair almost reached her knees.

A second passed.

Another.

And suddenly, a brilliant flash of red.

—

Hake was not a morning person. His childhood was filled with his mother’s exasperation of his morning laziness. She would even resort to extreme methods, such as splashing cold water on his face or sending Kali the Cufant to trumpet directly into his ears, just to get him out of bed.

However, this morning was different. It was 7am on the dot and Hake was admiring himself in the mirror. The contents of his suitcase lay sprawled across the floor, various outfits stuffed back in after being tried on. Among the mess was a couple of his favorite books, a solid red cap, a pikachu mug that said “I’m gonna be a Pokémon champ,” and a magazine with a wide cover about some purple-haired battling prodigy.

These were the contents of the massive package his mother had sent him. Due to flight limitations, Hake couldn’t bring the stuff he really wanted to Sinnoh right away, so he had his mother mail it to him. He smiled, seeing that she clearly added her own touch to it beyond the essentials.

Hake ran his hand through his dark brown hair, leaving it slightly messier. He looked carefully at his final outfit decision: a sharp gray blazer, matching gray pants, and a crisp white shirt underneath.

In a swift motion, he grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys and stepped out of his apartment room. It didn’t take long for him to make his daily trip down from the 4th floor by stairs and push the front doors open. Hake washed himself in the sunlight, stretching as he took in the gorgeous campus of Jubilife University.

The campus consisted of a large space with a lot of greenery, enclosed by buildings of various designs. The walkways were arranged with carefully patterned stone and brick, and they were surrounded by plenty of colors from floral arrangements. The center of the area was decorated by a large fountain with water cascading down multiple flat layers. Hake could hear the gentle roar of the water and smatterings of conversation, along with the occasional chirps of Pidgeys and Starlys. It was fairly early, yet many students were already bustling about. Most walked briskly alone towards their intended destinations, but there were also small groups here and there, chatting and laughing merrily.

Although most people weren’t as formally dressed up as Hake, no one gave him a second glance since it wasn’t uncommon in a place where people were often looking for jobs. After a quick few minutes, Hake entered the Palmer Library through the front doors, setting off a little bell. A young woman, probably another college student, spoke from a reception counter.

“Welcome! Are you here to see Professor Rowan?”

“Yep! I have an interview with him at 7:30,” Hake responded brightly. He checked his watch, seeing that it was 7:11.

“Alrighty, let me just check you in,” the woman said, clicking her mouse a few times as she scanned the desktop screen in front of her. “It looks like he’s running a little late, so he might only get here at around 7:45. I apologize for the inconvenience, but please make yourself comfortable until then.”

Hake nodded and let out a small breath, taking a seat in the lobby. A few seconds passed, and his leg began bouncing lightly. It wasn’t like him to be nervous about an interview, but he knew this was one he couldn’t mess up, especially due to his restless sleep last night. His brain was working at incredible speeds, but not in a productive way, as he overanalyzed every little thing that could go wrong and potentially lead to a bad impression.

“Hey, don’t worry, I promise he isn’t as scary as he looks on TV.”

Hake snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at the receptionist woman. She was smiling knowingly at him while continuing to type something on her screen. Her strawberry blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail with a red hairband with very even bangs that covered her forehead. She wore an orange crop top and short jeans along with clean white sneakers. Hake put a hand on his knee to stop it from shaking.

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly. He then tilted his head at her and asked, “Have you met him before? How do you know?”

The woman grinned. “Yep, I had my interview with him last week in Sandgem town. Super cool dude, and it’s funny that he’s doing another round of them in the same building where I work.” She paused as she continued typing on her computer. “Coincidences, eh?”

Hake’s eyebrows shot up as he replied, “Wait, you’re applying for a Pokédex, too? Awesome, I was looking for other people!” He gave her a little wave from his seat. “I’m Hake Tal. Given that you’re working here, I’m guessing you’re a student at Jubilife, right?

The woman waved back, pushing her swiveling office chair away from the screen a little bit and removing her earbud. “Hey, I’m Bebe Windsor, nice to meet you. And yeah, I’m a graduating student here right now. Almost all of the people interviewing are.” She looked at him inquisitively and said, “but I’m guessing based on your question that you’re not?”

Hake nodded. “Yeah, I actually just flew in yesterday! I’m a student at Wyndon University in Galar,” he said proudly, “but I’ve always been impressed with Professor Rowan’s research. When I heard he was entrusting people with Pokédexes, I knew immediately I would have to make my way here.” He gestured generally around him. “Jubilife is beautiful, and I can’t wait to explore Sinnoh.”

Bebe wrinkled her nose a bit. “Well, Jubilife is nice and all, but our student body is generally super pretentious and hard to get along with. You have to search a little bit to find your people.” She winked at him. “But hey, lucky you, you ran into me first. Maybe we can be friends,” she said with a wide smile.

“Deal. Can I get your number so we can stay in touch?” Hake pulled his phone out.

“Yep, pass it over to me.”

Hake handed his phone to her, continuing the conversation. “So what’s your major?”

Bebe typed in her number, handing it back. She hesitated. “It’s a long story, are you sure you want to hear it?”

Hake exaggeratedly checked his watch. “Hmm, looks like I have until 7:45, so…”

Bebe giggled and retorted, “Fine, smartass, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I came into college as a Poké-Biology major, but honestly, my intro to Poké-Anatomy professor was an absolute piece of shit. Then, I decided to try Physics…” Bebe continued animatedly, telling Hake about her entire college experience. Hake interrupted a few times to ask about details, but Bebe didn’t mind, clearly enjoying speaking about herself. The two of them passed the time quickly, until Bebe finally wrapped up, “...and that’s when I decided that a general technology major was my best shot. I pretty much did the whole Computer Science curriculum within 3 semesters,” she finished with a grin.

Hake’s jaw dropped. “3 semesters?” he asked incredulously, “especially for Computer Science? Are you a genius?”

Bebe flipped her hair sarcastically and smirked, “nah, it’s just honestly not that hard. How about you, Hake? What’s your major?”

Hake opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a very clear and deliberate throat clear.

“Ahem.”

Both of them startled slightly, looking to the entrance of the building to see a tall man standing there. His features were mostly hidden in silhouette by the rising sun behind him, but as he stepped forward, Hake stiffened his posture instantly.

The man was thin but clearly in shape with well defined muscles. His hair was slightly unruly and mustache cleanly trimmed, the only giveaway of his age being his white hair. The man wore a blue vest covered by a blazer that was a little too long, giving it an intimidating trench coat appearance. His gaze was piercing as he made direct eye contact with Hake.

The tension was broken with Bebe’s upbeat voice. “Hello Professor Rowan, remember me? Sorry about the wait, I got caught up in conversation. Give me just a second…” Bebe promptly slid back to the desktop and worked hastily. “Sweet, you guys should be good to go, room 130.”

Rowan glanced at her and smiled. “Of course I remember. Bebe, wasn’t it? I had an excellent time speaking to you in my laboratory last week.” He then waved his hand in the air arbitrarily. “And no worries. I apologize for interrupting your conversation, but I must stick to a strict schedule.”

Bebe opened her mouth but then proceeded to close it, giving him a thumbs up instead.

Hake concealed a smirk, knowing that she was about to bring up his tardiness. Even Bebe had to shut herself up around the imposing presence of this man. However, Hake’s shoulders actually relaxed a little after seeing the exchange, and he stood up to offer the Professor a handshake.

“Hi professor, I’m the person you’re interviewing today, Hake Tal. I’m thrilled to finally meet you. I’m a huge fan of your research.”

Rowan shook his hand. “Ah, yes, and I also believe you were Magnolia’s recommendation. Top of the class at Wyndon, were you?”

Hake replied without hesitation, “Yes, sir,” ignoring Bebe’s raised eyebrow.

“Excellent! Well follow me and we’ll begin the interview, young Hake,” Rowan declared, heading deeper into the building.

Hake obliged, catching Bebe’s eye who pointed at her phone and formed the word ‘later’ silently with her mouth.

Hake and the professor walked quietly to the room of interest, which was a small conference room with two tables and a few surrounding chairs. There weren’t any windows except the one on the door, giving it a slightly enclosed feel. Rowan took a seat at one of the tables, gesturing at the chair across from him. “Take a seat, and we’ll begin in just a second.”

Hake sat down, breathing steadily. His nerves had settled into a calm focus as he waited patiently.

Rowan gathered some documents on the table, including one that looked suspiciously like Hake’s resume, and finally looked up. “Let’s begin.” He began scanning the paper in front of him. “I see you are a double major in Quantum Physics and Pokémon Biology with a concentration in evolution. That is very interesting. Where do you think the crossover between the majors lies?”

It seemed like an innocent question, born of curiosity, but Hake knew he was being tested. He took a few seconds to collect his thoughts and digest the question before answering, “Understanding Quantum Physics is akin to realizing the rules of the universe. There are many unexplained aspects of Pokémon that we as researchers have given up explaining beyond surface level. Allow me to show you how evolution is just one such example.” Hake rolled up his sleeves, feeling himself becoming slightly more animated as he started waving his arms around.

“Superposition. The concept that quantum particles can exist in multiple states, could be the gateway to explain the fundamentals of evolution in the first place. An instantaneous change in the appearance and functionality of a Pokémon indicates that these quantum particles, along with their positions, had to be written into the DNA of the species, allowing most evolutions to be predictable and a natural part of their growth.” It was too late to stop himself, Hake was very far gone into his rant.

“As soon as the Pokémon in question reaches the critical point in its growth, the particles that make up the creature are entangled, starting a chain reaction of influencing each of their states, and ultimately making up a completely new form. All of this is, of course, just a theory, but understanding how and why a Pokémon evolves could be critical in bringing them closer to us.” Hake began to realize that he was rambling and cut himself off, feeling a flush of embarrassment crawl up his neck. However, it seemed like Rowan was not only following, but seemed genuinely interested in what Hake was saying, giving him a slight boost in confidence.

Rowan folded his arms in front of him. “You make a splendid point, Hake. However, understanding the behavior of quantum particles is difficult, especially since certain Pokémon are more difficult to observe than others. How do you plan to undergo your study in an ethical fashion?”

Hake almost faltered under the professor’s forceful gaze. “Well, uh, Pokémon are intelligent creatures, professor, sometimes even more so than us. I believe the first step in observing Pokémon is to improve the relationship between them and humans.”

Hake took a deep breath, knowing that he was reaching the apex of his assertion.

“This is why I approached you in the first place, sir. Prior to continuing my research, I believe the best way to understand and become close with Pokémon is to adventure with them and form a relationship. Helping you fill your Pokédex while taking on the gym challenge would be an exhilarating experience and would be a fantastic starting point for my goals. I believe we can not only be mutually beneficial for each other, but can form a true friendship amidst our shared love for Pokémon and research.”

Hake wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, but felt a huge weight leave his shoulders. He felt the delivery of his statement sit heavily between them, and he knew he had made his point. Hake thought he might have even seen a small smile on Rowan’s face, but it was gone as quickly as it had shown up.

“Good answer. Onto the next question.”

Hake continued to answer them strongly, making sure to emphasize his passion for working with the professor. Rowan followed up with a few logistical questions regarding his background, during which Hake finally began to lower his guard.

Finally, Rowan clapped his hands together. “Alright, Hake, it looks like that’s all we have time for today. Thank you for being here, and you can expect a response from me sometime in the next few days.” Hake snuck a glance at his watch. It was 8:15 on the dot.

Rowan reached a hand out, which Hake shook, cringing as he felt the sweat from his palms.

“Thank you, professor, It was a pleasure talking with you!”

After they had gathered their things, they headed back towards the entrance, where Bebe was talking pleasantly to another student. Hake felt a pang of annoyance. Was Bebe just equally nice to everyone? He thought they had struck up a pretty sweet friendship but didn’t feel quite as special anymore.

She looked up at them as they approached, beaming, and said, “Hello professor, hey Hake, I hope everything went well.” She clicked a few things on the computer screen, presumably checking the room back out. Hake waited for Rowan to acknowledge Bebe first.

“Everything went fine, thank you, Bebe. Oh, and I must apologize for being slightly late. I promise, that isn’t usual behavior for me, I simply got a little too caught up in the interview prior to this. I hope you all have a fantastic day,” he said brightly, leaving the building, leaving Hake alone with Bebe and the other student.

Bebe gave him a look. “Well? Did it go well, or was the old man being nice?”

“It went pretty well I think, but Rowan still didn’t seem particularly impressed. Maybe he was just trying to conceal it, I’m not sure.” Hake bit his lip in thought.

Bebe shook her head. “No, I’m sure you did great. I’ve heard he often cuts off his boring interviews early, and it looks like you made it through the full 30 minutes. I’d call that a win if I were you.”

Hake laughed. “I guess so. But then who’s the person he interviewed before me? They’ve gotta be something special if they managed to keep him overtime.”

The other student seemed slightly annoyed that the attention was off him, and resigned back to sitting in one of the chairs in the lobby, scrolling mindlessly through his phone as Hake smirked.

Bebe’s smile flickered slightly. “I probably have an idea of who it could be. Our beloved star student of course.” She rolled her eyes and went back to typing on her computer.

“Why do you sound annoyed?” Hake squinted at her.

Bebe grumbled something under her breath, then spoke aloud, “She’s just another one of the pretentious fucks that think they’re perfect around here. Thing is, she might actually be the closest to it that we’ve ever had at Jubilife.” Bebe sighed. “You said it was your first day here? I guarantee you’ll hear the name a lot more from now on. The other students here would grovel and lick her toes if they could.”

Hake recoiled a little bit. “That’s a little much, don’t you think? No one’s that good.” His interest, however, was piqued. Maybe he could find another friend in her, although he doubted it if she was really as arrogant as Bebe claimed. “Who is she?”

Bebe locked eyes with Hake, saying the name with a hint of malice.

“Cynthia.”

👋👋👋👋

Lightning flashed without a drop of rain to follow. The sky rumbled in protest as deep gray clouds tried to hide the speckling of stars. The taut air seemed like it was holding its breath at the scene before it.

Really like this opening bit, always down for evocative prose.

A young man stood at the edge of the empty streets of Jubilife city, assertively facing the entrance of an innocent business building. It stood firmly despite the battering it had taken, though the surrounding streetlights could not claim the same. Broken glass littered the surrounding area and some of the bulbs flickered unpredictably. A fountain a short distance away was sliced cleanly in half, water spraying erratically, giving the parched air its only source of humidity.

The man's expression betrayed a multitude of emotions, ranging from resentment to hurt, as a breeze caressed his tanned skin. His black collared shirt, with rolled up sleeves, revealed goosebumps, and he held a Pokéball firmly in his palm. He wore a solid-red cap that adorned his soft, dark brown hair. His gaze was controlled as he stared at the figure in front of him, breathing heavily.

At the entrance of the building was a woman of similar age. She stared back at the man with a smirk and a cocky hand on hip, the other one holding a Pokéball. However, upon inspection, her eyes were just as tired, and she concealed her quick breaths. She wore a dark leather jacket over a black top, and her long, voluminous blonde hair almost reached her knees.

More good descriptions here, and it continues throughout. I can tell that you have a knack for it.

Hake was not a morning person.

mood fam fr

Hake nodded. “Yeah, I actually just flew in yesterday! I’m a student at Wyndon University in Galar,” he said proudly, “but I’ve always been impressed with Professor Rowan’s research. When I heard he was entrusting people with Pokédexes, I knew immediately I would have to make my way here.” He gestured generally around him. “Jubilife is beautiful, and I can’t wait to explore Sinnoh.”

I like the backstory of him being from Galar. Kinda like Laventon in PLA...and he probably learned about Laventon....🤔

Rowan gathered some documents on the table, including one that looked suspiciously like Hake’s resume, and finally looked up. “Let’s begin.” He began scanning the paper in front of him. “I see you are a double major in Quantum Physics and Pokémon Biology with a concentration in evolution. That is very interesting. Where do you think the crossover between the majors lies?”

It seemed like an innocent question, born of curiosity, but Hake knew he was being tested. He took a few seconds to collect his thoughts and digest the question before answering, “Understanding Quantum Physics is akin to realizing the rules of the universe. There are many unexplained aspects of Pokémon that we as researchers have given up explaining beyond surface level. Allow me to show you how evolution is just one such example.” Hake rolled up his sleeves, feeling himself becoming slightly more animated as he started waving his arms around.

plz use Quantum Physics to explain why tf Gyarados can't learn Liquidation 🙄

Bebe grumbled something under her breath, then spoke aloud, “She’s just another one of the pretentious fucks that think they’re perfect around here. Thing is, she might actually be the closest to it that we’ve ever had at Jubilife.” Bebe sighed. “You said it was your first day here? I guarantee you’ll hear the name a lot more from now on. The other students here would grovel and lick her toes if they could.”

Hake recoiled a little bit. “That’s a little much, don’t you think? No one’s that good.” His interest, however, was piqued. Maybe he could find another friend in her, although he doubted it if she was really as arrogant as Bebe claimed. “Who is she?”

Bebe locked eyes with Hake, saying the name with a hint of malice.

“Cynthia.”

Damn they be simping for her even in the Pokemon world. How many DMs you think Cynthia gets in a month? 2000? 3000?

All I got for now, keep it up!

 

[System Error]

Spedread today.

C1
- Interesting intro. Definitely Cynthia there opposing the man, but who is he?
- Wonder if there will be any reason for a Galarian having a Japanese name?
- Hm, one minor criticism so far, I was expecting a slightly younger redesign for Rowan, like his hair not being completely gray yet.
- Sooo...are Pokedexes mandatory for journeys?
- Philosophical evo discussion. Nice connection with Rowan's speciality.
- And then hyping up the fanservice queen herself at the end.

C2
- Not sure how to feel about the implicit age-up requirement for journeys and owning Pokemon. Going to mess with a lot down the line unless that gets retracted.
- This seems like a setup to get fined a trillion by Rowan. Or a prank.
- I'm a bit confused by all the naming conventions going on here. This is fifteen years before, and yet Palmer and Lance, who seem like in their 30 or maybe 40s in the actual games, have enough of a rep to have stuff named after them? Well, you did say you were going to changes ages around, so...
- There's Bulk and Skull Flint and Volkner.
- One technicality: some people fuss when afros are on non-blacks, since it technically comes from Afr-ican. Though there isn't much of an alternative.
- The specific mention of a first-generation Pokedex implies there's more generations that already exist. Kind of a problem, since why wouldn't you improve in the next generation and therefore give the new students something more top-of-the-line? Probably something to reword, since I don't think that was your intent.
- Interesting, an absentee? Given the lore, I'ma put my money on Cyrus.

C3
- The Pokedex handing paragraph could use some shuffling around. Also now I'm very confused by the timeline. This is 15 years before and yet smartphones are being mentioned?
- tomorrow,” dignified demeanor faltered for a second as her eyes gleamed with anticipation. <- End with a period, and put her before the next sentence.
- I wonder what makes Rowan decide who gets what colors? Because I don't get why the students can't otherwise decide.
- Elekid starter, huh? I guess this isn't anime canon or original canon.
- Did the Pokedex active on its own?
- Wow, Hake actually was next. Wasn't expecting that to actually be real.
- Hm, will pink hair who doesn't seem familiar be a love interest based on that glance?
- So no starter for Hake? It's not like trainers in Adventures can't get formal ones anyway. Heck, happens to my main character too.
- I guess this means no battle for Cynthia either. Also interesting Flint was last given his future, unless you twist it.
- You know for the gritty realism of 21+ for owning Pokemon, wasn't expecting you to put in something to explain trainers getting free supplies. Well done there.
- He talks like nicknames are mandatory.
- You certainly like ending on wham lines, don't you? Not always a bad thing.

C4
- They seem pretty amiable. And well, I guess she's talking about Cynthia's grandparents?
- Well, at least Donkey Kong was early enough that I can't call any anachronism here. Wukong though, how pretentious can you get? I love it.
- I would like to think they would have advanced enough monitoring to tell if an egg was going to hatch or not even back then.
- Hm, wonder why the breakup, if both still clearly want the other?
- They were really trying to force that vandalism joke. Many would go "Bub is life" and they would've really had to cram that S in.
- Napoleon as a nickname? If she names the next ones Mao, Castro, etc. she couldn't be any more obvious.
- Did she just like, cut in and interrupt his order? Rude.
- Wasn't expecting him to win after getting stomped around at the start.
- I get the feeling that while Cynthia is a bit of a you-know-what, a lot of Hake's perception is clouded by what Bebe said. But, we'll see.

Okay, interesting start. Slower as it should be for a journeyfic unless the point is rushing somehow. Hake is a bit vanilla so far but I trust that's going to change eventually. Bebe is an interesting pick for a companion, sort of left-field. Big fan of seeing lesser characters take the spotlight. My biggest problem so far is the anachronism. It's hard to tell when this is supposed to be set with some mentions of modern technology. Plus like I said, there's going to be MASSIVE problems with the fifteen years later stuff with the 21+ requirement: Maylene, Candice, and the protagonists can't even exist. To say nothing of the others, especially my girl Poppy who took a big steaming dump on people's 10+ canons. Though like I also said, laws can change in 15 years. So you get a pass there.

Besides that and more of a nitpick, not really doing anything exciting with redesigning the younger versions of the characters. Flint still has his 'fro, Volkner still has spiky hair (no mention of sideburns at least?), Cynthia still has long flowing hair and the dark coat, etc. Could've really flexed your creativity muscles there, so I felt this was something of a missed opportunity.

Still, what matters is the overall plot and style. The latter's good, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take the former.

 

[Junebug44]

👋👋👋👋



Really like this opening bit, always down for evocative prose.



More good descriptions here, and it continues throughout. I can tell that you have a knack for it.



mood fam fr



I like the backstory of him being from Galar. Kinda like Laventon in PLA...and he probably learned about Laventon....🤔



plz use Quantum Physics to explain why tf Gyarados can't learn Liquidation 🙄



Damn they be simping for her even in the Pokemon world. How many DMs you think Cynthia gets in a month? 2000? 3000?

All I got for now, keep it up!

Hi hi hi! Nice seeing you here!

I appreciate that you like my prose/descriptions. Honestly I'm usually a pretty simplistic writer, but some things just need to be vivid and dramatic and that's when I like going all out >:)

Who knows, maybe bro was friends with Laventon 🤷‍♂️

Also I know the Gyarados thing is a joke (in my fic it definitely does learn liquidation) BUT a lot of things will be given a quantum mechanics explanation if you're into that stuff :))

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

 

[Junebug44]

Hey Watraeg, thanks for being here! I love your username btw "System Error". I'm gonna be responding to most of the things you said, but some of your criticisms I will skip and categorize later since I kind of have one big answer for them.

Wonder if there will be any reason for a Galarian having a Japanese name?

I'm not too sure who you're talking about tbh, but names aren't super deep in this fic. I chose a naming scheme based on famous chess players (cuz they're cool). If you're talking about Hake, his name is norse and russian.

Hm, one minor criticism so far, I was expecting a slightly younger redesign for Rowan, like his hair not being completely gray yet.

This is valid! I'll edit that to say "traces" of white hair or something.

Sooo...are Pokedexes mandatory for journeys?

No, but they're definitely nice to have given the amount of information they store! It's also a device that'll scan encounters and store that data for Rowan's research! But I also see you made it to the end which means you got to the point where I explained it's expensive unless you're sponsored.

I'm a bit confused by all the naming conventions going on here. This is fifteen years before, and yet Palmer and Lance, who seem like in their 30 or maybe 40s in the actual games, have enough of a rep to have stuff named after them? Well, you did say you were going to changes ages around, so...

Honestly good catch, for some reason I thought they were way older than they actually were. I think I can get away with Lance still but Palmer I'll probably rename. Thanks!

One technicality: some people fuss when afros are on non-blacks, since it technically comes from Afr-ican. Though there isn't much of an alternative.

Also good catch, I'll make sure to reword that!

Also interesting Flint was last given his future, unless you twist it.

He's gonna get his development in somehow ;)

The specific mention of a first-generation Pokedex implies there's more generations that already exist.

I think in my mind Rowan probably named it that because he intends to make more generations down the line, but I can see how it would be interpreted that way so I'll take another look at that.

tomorrow,” dignified demeanor faltered for a second as her eyes gleamed with anticipation. <- End with a period, and put her before the next sentence.

changed!

He talks like nicknames are mandatory.

I wouldn't say it's mandatory, but in my fic's world it's commonly accepted. You wouldn't call your dog "dog" right? It's akin to me asking you if you picked a name for your dog yet.

You certainly like ending on wham lines, don't you? Not always a bad thing.

Yeaaaahhhh I realized I was doing it a little bit too much so I toned it down on the last chapter lol

Hm, wonder why the breakup, if both still clearly want the other?

Hmm I wonder...there's a lot to explore with Hake and Bebe's past still, and I can't wait to write them :P

Hake is a bit vanilla so far but I trust that's going to change eventually

Honestly, I agree! I think after I finished publishing chapter 3 and went back and read through, I definitely noticed that. Chapter 4 had a bit more of a personality dump and I think I'll be having more in the future since I have some ideas about the type of person he is.

Could've really flexed your creativity muscles there, so I felt this was something of a missed opportunity.

100% agree, thank you for bringing this up! Honestly I wanted to keep their introductions fairly familiar, like as soon as I described Flint and Volkner people are gonna know who I'm talking about. But yes, I should take some creative freedoms, especially since I've been doing that in other aspects.

On that note, I'm going to address in general most of the points that I skipped. This has to do a lot with the anachronisms and small details regarding the time-flow and age-up requirement and stuff. I will stress that this is ultimately an AU, and I took my creative liberties to not just bring the Pokemon world back in time, but revise it to a way that I like. In my head, even after the 15 years go by, the 21-age up requirement is still a thing, so then the player character would have to be aged up. When I mean I will be changing ages around, I really meant it...present day gym leaders are like 16 sometimes but that simply will not exist in my world.

Similarly, the addition of phones and stuff was just me thinking it would make my world fun to write; I've seen a few fics with stuff like text conversations and I really like that idea, so I was planning on incorporating that into mine. Same goes for the elekid comment, it's just another form of changing up the canon (which I will continue to do a lot for the sake of making writing my fic fun for me).

Overall, I thank you for reading my fic! I appreciate the criticisms, and I will be revisiting many points in my fic. I also appreciated the level of detail you put into this; you picked up on a lot of subtle references and stuff I threw in there, such as the professor that Sonia would be working with (good guess ;)) and the small mention of an absentee. I hope I captured your attention and you stick around, because the plot you mentioned is going to be picking up soon now that the formalities and introductions are over!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, I got rolled your story for the most recent Catnip Circle and… a prequel journeyfic to Platinum, huh? Not really sure what to expect from there, since I didn’t recall the canon backstories of the Sinnoh games being that detailed, but let’s see where this goes…

Chapter 1

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Lightning flashed without a drop of rain to follow. The sky rumbled in protest as deep gray clouds tried to hide the speckling of stars. The taut air seemed like it was holding its breath at the scene before it.

A young man stood at the edge of the empty streets of Jubilife City, assertively facing the entrance of an innocent business building. It stood firmly despite the battering it had taken, though the surrounding streetlights could not claim say the same. Broken glass littered the surrounding area and some of the bulbs flickered unpredictably. A fountain a short distance away was sliced cleanly in half, water spraying erratically, giving the parched air its only source of humidity.

That… seems like a bit more than mere storm damage there.

Also, some minor suggestions for fixes to tighten up a couple parts. Beyond that, I kinda wonder if some portions of your opening paragraphs “tell” a bit too much versus “showing” things. For instance, what does “assertively facing” look like? Does this young man have any specific body language he’s using?

The man's expression betrayed a multitude of emotions, ranging from resentment to hurt, as a breeze caressed his tanned skin. His black collared shirt, with rolled up sleeves, revealed goosebumps, and he held a Pokéball firmly in his palm. He wore a solid-red cap that adorned his soft, dark brown hair. His gaze was controlled as he stared at the figure in front of him, breathing heavily.

At the entrance of the building was a woman of similar age. She stared back at the man with a smirk and a cocky hand on her hip, the other one holding a Pokéball. However, upon inspection, her eyes were just as tired, and she concealed her quick breaths. She wore a dark leather jacket over a black top, and her long, voluminous blonde hair almost reached her knees.

I… kinda wonder if some of the sentences of description of these two paragraphs might merit rephrasing, since I notice that you use a lot of asides that make the overall sentence read a bit choppy. For instance, here’s a proposed rephasing of your first paragraph that doesn’t drop any details that you bring up:

The man's expression betrayed a multitude of emotions, ranging from resentment to hurt. A breeze caressed his tanned skin and revealed goosebumps just past the rolled up sleeves of his black collared shirt, his hand firmly grasping a Pokéball in its palm. A solid-red cap that adorned his soft, dark brown hair that remained stubbornly planted in spite of the wind. As was his gaze, which remained firmly fixed on the figure in front of him even as he breathed in and out heavily.

You don’t need to do that exact rephrasing per-se, but if you ever get around to doing revisions of this chapter, it’s something to keep an eye out for. You’ve got a lot of nice details here, but the way it’s delivered feels almost like a checklist at times.

A second passed.

Another.

And suddenly, a brilliant flash of red.

Oh, well that’s an ominous way to end the scene there. Though I wonder what on earth just happened?

Hake was not a morning person. His childhood was filled with his mother’s exasperation of towards his morning laziness. She would even resort to extreme methods, such as splashing cold water on his face or sending Kali the Cufant to trumpet directly into his ears, just to get him out of bed.

Yeesh, that’s definitely some “quality” parenting there.

Though Cufant, huh? Wonder if that means that Hake is from Galar or Paldea. Or if you’ve just rolled with the assumption that more modern Pokémon are also present in older regions as well.

However, this morning was different. It was 7 AM on the dot and Hake was admiring himself in the mirror. The contents of his suitcase lay sprawled across the floor, various outfits stuffed back in after being tried on. Among the mess were a couple of his favorite books, a solid red cap, a pikachu mug that said “I’m gonna be a Pokémon champ,” and a magazine with a wide cover about some purple-haired battling prodigy.

Purple-haired battling prodigy, huh? Doesn’t ring a bell for any champions, I wonder if that’s Fantina there.

Left a few minor suggestions for tweaks to make, though I’m taking that this is sometimes chronologically well before the opening scene, since the red cap seems consistent, but Hake here definitely doesn’t seem anywhere near as accomplished as what the prior scene seemed to be implying.

These were the contents of the massive package his mother had sent him. Due to flight limitations, Hake couldn’t bring the stuff he really wanted to Sinnoh right away, so he had his mother mail it to him. He smiled, seeing that she clearly added her own touch to it beyond the essentials.

I kinda wonder if the bit in underlined should have been phrased in less vague terms. Like is this “stuff” meant to be gear for a trainer journey? Furnishings for an apartment? It’s left fairly up in the air at the moment when even a minor word change could clear things up a bit.

Hake ran his hand through his dark brown hair, leaving it slightly messier. He looked carefully at his final outfit decision: a sharp gray blazer, matching gray pants, and a crisp white shirt underneath.

In a swift motion, he grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys and stepped out of his apartment room. It didn’t take long for him to make his daily trip down from the 4th floor by stairs and push the front doors open. Hake washed himself in the sunlight, stretching as he took in the gorgeous campus of Jubilife University.

Oh, so Hake’s a uni student, huh? That’s definitely a bit older than the prototypical journeyfic protagonist, though it does have some promise for being able to do things differently. Will be fun to see how this story leans into having a more adult protagonist.

Though cell phones exist at the time of this story, huh? Wasn’t fully expecting that given that in official canon, Gens 2 and 4 have their events play out roughly concurrently to each other and clunky Pokégears are things in Johto, but eh. I won’t question it.

The campus consisted of a large space with a lot of greenery, enclosed by buildings of various designs. The walkways were arranged with carefully patterned stone and brick, and they were surrounded by plenty of colors from floral arrangements. The center of the area was decorated by a large fountain with water cascading down multiple flat layers. Hake could hear the gentle roar of the water and smatterings of conversation, along with the occasional chirps of Pidgeys and Starlys. It was fairly early, yet many students were already bustling about. Most walked briskly alone towards their intended destinations, but there were also small groups here and there, chatting and laughing merrily.

This… feels like another paragraph where the description is suffering from “bullet point list” syndrome. I think that part of it is that the first three sentences all are essentially “The [X] was [Y]” style sentences. If nothing else, I’d recommend varying the sentence structures a bit more than you presently do, and maybe emphasizing Hake’s “movement” a bit more since you actually never explicitly say whether or not Hake is walking ahead or if he’s just standing there and taking everything in.

Although most people weren’t as formally dressed up as formally as Hake, no one gave him a second glance since it wasn’t uncommon in a place where people were often looking for jobs. After a quick few minutes, Hake entered the Birch Library through the front doors, setting off a little bell. A young woman, probably another college student, spoke from a reception counter.

I feel that there’s a smoother way that you can say the bit in underlined than you presently do. Maybe something to the effect of “they probably assumed he was yet another upperclassman going off to a job interview” would be worth considering?

Also, yeah. This was part of the reason why I was recommending to emphasize Hake “going around” a bit more in the narration of the last paragraph, since our first indication that Hake had been walking at all this whole time is all the way in the very last sentence of this paragraph.

“Welcome! Are you here to see Professor Rowan?”

“Yep! I have an interview with him at 7:30,” Hake responded brightly. He checked his watch, seeing that it was 7:11.

“Alrighty, let me just check you in,” the woman said, clicking her mouse a few times as she scanned the desktop screen in front of her. “It looks like he’s running a little late, so he might only get here at around 7:45. I apologize for the inconvenience, but please make yourself comfortable until then.”

I… kinda wonder if the bit in the underline would’ve worked better expanded into a stand-alone paragraph with some passing mention of the receptionist futzing around on the computer and then having an expression after seeing that Rowan was running late. Since something about jamming that all into a speech tag makes things feel a bit clunky for some reason.

Hake nodded and let out a small breath, taking a seat in the lobby. A few seconds passed, and his leg began bouncing lightly. It wasn’t like him to be nervous about an interview, but he knew this was one he couldn’t mess up, especially due to his restless sleep last night. His brain was working at incredible speeds, but not in a productive way, as he overanalyzed every little thing that could go wrong and potentially lead to a bad impression.

I’m… not sure if the bit about “restless sleep” really aligns with the interview being one Hake couldn’t afford to mess up. It might make sense to make that its own sentence and approach it more from the tack of “The restless sleep last night wasn’t helping his nerves either”, which seems more along the lines of what you were coming from.

“Hey, don’t worry, I promise he isn’t as scary as he looks on TV.”

Hake snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at the receptionist woman. She was smiling knowingly at him while continuing to type something on her screen. Her strawberry blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail with a red hairband with very even bangs that covered her forehead. She wore an orange crop top and short jeans along with clean white sneakers. Hake put a hand on his knee to stop it from shaking.

… Wait, why is the receptionist’s physical appearance coming up now as opposed to when Hake walked through the door and first talked with her? Unless the idea was that she was buried behind computer screens or something or else Hake is explicitly mentioned to be zoning out (which weren’t stated), those feel like strange details to not communicate upfront to the readers precisely to avoid having to give a bunch of description later on.

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly. He then tilted his head at her and asked, “How do you know that anyways? Have you met him before? How do you know?”

The woman grinned. “Yep, I had my interview with him last week in Sandgem town. Super cool dude, and it’s funny that he’s doing another round of them in the same building where I work.” She paused as she continued typing on her computer. “Coincidences, eh?”

Huh, so someone’s new new at this job. Though I would recommend flipping around the “How do you know?” question’s ordering and tweaking the phrasing slightly.

Hake’s eyebrows shot up as he replied, “Wait, you’re applying for a Pokédex, too? Awesome, I was looking for other people!” He gave her a little wave from his seat. “I’m Hake Tal. Given that you’re working here, I’m guessing you’re a student at Jubilife, right?

The woman waved back, pushing her swiveling office chair away from the screen a little bit and removing her earbud. “Hey, I’m Bebe Windsor, nice to meet you. And yeah, I’m a graduating student here right now. Almost all of the people interviewing are.” She looked at him inquisitively and said, “but I’m guessing based on your question that you’re not?”

Oh, I didn’t realize that that was Bebe there, even if I suppose I should’ve put two and two together from the described appearance and her thing for computers. I see that we’re getting our first canon character appearance in this story.

It’s a bit hard for me to put my finger on concrete suggestions to give here, but I’m not really feeling the way that the description and dialogue are mishmashed together to this extent. It just feels like there’s more that could be said about some topics here that aren’t such as Hake’s thought process or the mood/vibe when Bebe pauses to ask Hake if he’s a grad student or not.

Hake nodded. “Yeah, I actually just flew in yesterday! I’m a student at Wyndon University in Galar,” he said proudly, “but I’ve always been impressed with Professor Rowan’s research. When I heard he was entrusting people with Pokédexes, I knew immediately I would have to make my way here.” He gestured generally around him. “Jubilife is beautiful, and I can’t wait to explore Sinnoh.”

Bebe wrinkled her nose a bit. “Well, Jubilife is nice and all, but our student body is generally super pretentious and hard to get along with. You have to search a little bit to find your people.” She winked at him. “But hey, lucky you, you ran into me first. Maybe we can be friends,” she said with a wide smile.

Same deal here about the dialogue and description being mishmashed together when it’d likely be more effective to split things up a bit with more description to break these blocks up and keep things from blurring together. Though I see that my earlier suspicions that Hake was from Galar based off of growing up around Cufant were onto something.

“Deal. Can I get your number so we can stay in touch?” Hake pulled his phone out.

“Yep, pass it over to me.”

Hake handed his phone to her, continuing the conversation. “So what’s your major?”

Bebe typed in her number, handing it back. She hesitated. “It’s a long story, are you sure you want to hear it?”

This here I feel is a case of the opposite problem where your description is too spread out. IMO, this would be more effective if you just had the first two lines, Hake pull his phone out, and Bebe type things out and start handing the phone back when the major and story offer come up afterwards.

Hake exaggeratedly checked his watch. “Hmm, looks like I have until 7:45, so…”

Bebe giggled and retorted, “Fine, smartass, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I came into college as a Poké-Biology major, but honestly, my intro to Poké-Anatomy professor was an absolute piece of shit. Then, I decided to try Physics…”

Bebe continued animatedly, telling Hake about her entire college experience. Hake interrupted a few times to ask about details, but Bebe didn’t mind, clearly enjoying speaking about herself. The two of them passed the time quickly, until Bebe finally wrapped up.

“...and that’s when I decided that a general technology major was my best shot. I pretty much did the whole Computer Science curriculum within 3 semesters,” she finished with a grin.

Hake’s jaw dropped. “3 semesters?” he asked incredulously, “especially for Computer Science? Are you a genius?”

Your second paragraph in this sentence has enough going on in its description segment that you should strongly consider breaking it off into its own thing. I’d also recommend putting in a few more details about what Bebe’s college experience entailed as a mention in passing thing, since there’s not really a lot for the readers to glom onto about what it was like or why Hake would find it impressive up until Bebe’s mention of her blitzing through her CS degree.

Bebe flipped her hair sarcastically and smirked, “nah, it’s just honestly not that hard. How about you, Hake? What’s your major?”

From personal experience, that is absolutely never true unless if you’re coming into the course with a hefty amount of pre-learning under your belt. There’s a reason why “crunch time” is a thing among many industries centered around software development.

Hake opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a very clear and deliberate throat clearing.

“Ahem.”

Both of them startled slightly, looking to the entrance of the building to see a tall man standing there. His features were mostly hidden in silhouette by the rising sun behind him, but as he stepped forward, Hake stiffened his posture instantly.

Oh, hello, Rowan. I presume this is sometime before his hair went the way of Santa Claus’?

The man was thin but clearly in shape with well defined muscles. His hair was slightly unruly and mustache cleanly trimmed, the only giveaway of his age being traces of white hair. The man wore a blue vest covered by a blazer that was a little too long, giving it an intimidating trench coat appearance. His gaze was piercing as he made direct eye contact with Hake.

I know that it’s a bit of a broken record by this point, but yeah. This is another part where it feels like we’re getting a “bullet list” of descriptions. It might make sense to see if you can show more stuff “happening” during all of this or else condense this information into fewer sentences.

The tension was broken with Bebe’s upbeat voice.

“Hello Professor Rowan, remember me? Sorry about the wait, I got caught up in conversation. Give me just a second…” Bebe promptly slid back to the desktop and worked hastily. “Sweet, you guys should be good to go, room 130.”

Another bit that IMO works better split off into more than one paragraph. Also, I hadn’t pointed it out but I’m sure that it was also present in a number of spots before this, but in general, a lot of instances of “had [X]” or “was/were [X]” verbs often sound better when phrased more directly. For instance, here, you couldn’t just said that “The tension broke”

Rowan glanced at her and smiled.

“Of course I remember. Bebe, wasn’t it? I had an excellent time speaking to you in my laboratory last week.” He then waved his hand in the air arbitrarily. “And no worries. I apologize for interrupting your conversation, but I must stick to a strict schedule.”

Bebe opened her mouth but then proceeded to close it, giving him a thumbs up instead.

Hake concealed a smirk, knowing that she was about to bring up his tardiness. Even Bebe had to shut herself up around the imposing presence of this man. However, Hake’s shoulders actually relaxed a little after seeing the exchange, and he stood up to offer the Professor a handshake.

I… kinda wonder if the narration in this bit is a bit too focused on blow-by-blow events of things that are ultimately fairly small and ephemeral. Maybe it’d have made sense to show off more of Hake’s thought process a bit more. Like I get that he feels that Rowan’s imposing, but it just feels like his thought commentary is a bit on the superficial side here and I wonder if there was more he could’ve said.

“Hi professor, I’m the person you’re interviewing today, Hake Tal. I’m thrilled to finally meet you. I’m a huge fan of your research.”

Rowan shook his hand. “Ah, yes, and I also believe you were Magnolia’s recommendation. Top of the class at Wyndon, were you?”

Hake replied without hesitation, “Yes, sir,” ignoring Bebe’s raised eyebrow.

No reaction from Rowan there aside from shaking Hake’s hand? Or is this kinda old hat for him by virtue of going through tons of these interviews? Since given how much this moment means for Hake, you’d think he’d be studying Rowan’s reaction closely to see if he’s making a good first impression or not.

“Excellent! Well, follow me and we’ll begin the interview, young Hake,” Rowan declared, heading deeper into the building.

Hake obliged, catching Bebe’s eye who pointed at her phone and formed the word ‘later’ silently with her mouth.

I smell shipping in the future. :V

Hake and the professor walked quietly to the room of interest, which was a small conference room with two tables and a few surrounding chairs. There weren’t any windows except the one on the door, giving it a slightly enclosed feel. Rowan took a seat at one of the tables, gesturing at the chair across from him.

“Take a seat, and we’ll begin in just a second.”

Hake sat down, breathing steadily. His nerves had settled into a calm focus as he waited patiently.

I… didn’t get the sense that Hake was nervous prior to this point barring that one mention of him not sleeping well. It might have made sense to have played that up a bit in the description up to this point since all this time Hake seemed very calm and collected.

Rowan gathered some documents on the table, including one that looked suspiciously like Hake’s resume, and finally looked up.

“Let’s begin.”

He began scanning the paper in front of him. [ ]

“I see you are a double major in Quantum Physics and Pokémon Biology with a concentration in evolution. That is very interesting. Where do you think the crossover between the majors lies?”

It seemed like an innocent question, born of curiosity, but Hake knew he was being tested. He took a few seconds to collect his thoughts and digest the question before answering,

“Understanding Quantum Physics is akin to realizing the rules of the universe. There are many unexplained aspects of Pokémon that we as researchers have given up explaining beyond surface level. Allow me to show you how evolution is just one such example.”

Hake rolled up his sleeves, feeling himself becoming slightly more animated as he started waving his arms around.

These paragraphs here IMO would work quite a bit better broken up, with the part where Rowan is perusing Hake’s resume probably working a bit better if you expand things by a sentence or two to add detail about what’s going on for Rowan’s reaction.

“Superposition. The concept that quantum particles can exist in multiple states, could be the gateway to explain the fundamentals of evolution in the first place,” he began. “An instantaneous change in the appearance and functionality of a Pokémon indicates that these quantum particles, along with their positions, had to be written into the DNA of the species, allowing most evolutions to be predictable and a natural part of their growth.”

It was too late to stop himself, Hake was very far gone into his rant.

“As soon as the Pokémon in question reaches the critical point in its growth, the particles that make up the creature are entangled, starting a chain reaction of influencing each of their states, and ultimately making up a completely new form,” he explained. “All of this is, of course, just a theory, but understanding how and why a Pokémon evolves could be critical in bringing them closer to us.”

Hake began to realize that he was rambling and cut himself off, feeling a flush of embarrassment crawl up his neck. However, it seemed like Rowan was not only following, but seemed genuinely interested in what Hake was saying, giving him a slight boost in confidence.

Hake has some fairly long dialogue strings here that IMO you should strongly consider adding speech tags to break up. Also, I’d encourage you to format these into more and shorter paragraphs, since there’s some fascinating stuff here, but it gets a bit lost amid all the walls of text.

Rowan folded his arms in front of him. “You make a splendid point, Hake. However, understanding the behavior of quantum particles is difficult, especially since certain Pokémon are more difficult to observe than others. How do you plan to undergo your study in an ethical fashion?”

Hake almost faltered under the professor’s forceful gaze.

“Well, uh, Pokémon are intelligent creatures, professor, sometimes even more so than us. I believe the first step in observing Pokémon is to improve the relationship between them and humans.”

… Starting to get a bit worried about what Hake’s original idea there was given that he obviously had to trot this out as a last-second save.

Hake took a deep breath, knowing that he was reaching the apex of his assertion.

“This is why I approached you in the first place, sir. Prior to continuing my research, I believe the best way to understand and become close with Pokémon is to adventure with them and form a relationship,” Hake said. “Helping you fill your Pokédex while taking on the gym challenge would be an exhilarating experience and would be a fantastic starting point for my goals. I believe we can not only be mutually beneficial for each other, but can form a true friendship amidst our shared love for Pokémon and research.”

Oh, so being one of Rowan’s peons normally involves a job interview, huh? Boy does that make me jelly of Lucas/Dawn in this setting given that they got to bypass all of that like a decade early. ^^;

Hake wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, but felt a huge weight leave his shoulders. He felt the delivery of his statement sit heavily between them, and he knew he had made his point. Hake thought he might have even seen a small smile on Rowan’s face, but it was gone as quickly as it had shown up.

“Good answer. Onto the next question.”

Hake: “... Wait, there’s more?”

Hake continued to answer them strongly, making sure to emphasize his passion for working with the professor. Rowan followed up with a few logistical questions regarding his background, during which Hake finally began to lower his guard.

Finally, Rowan clapped his hands together.

“Alright, Hake, it looks like that’s all we have time for today,” he said. “Thank you for being here, and you can expect a response from me sometime in the next few days.” Hake snuck a glance at his watch. It was 8:15 on the dot.

I kinda wonder if there should’ve been more mention of the sorts of questions Hake was answering in passing from that sentence in the underlined, since it’d give more of an idea of what Hake’s interview entailed if it’s going to become relevant to the plot later.

Rowan reached a hand out, which Hake shook, cringing as he felt the sweat from his palms.

“Thank you, professor, It was a pleasure talking with you!”

<><><>

After they had gathered their things, they headed back towards the entrance, where Bebe was talking pleasantly to another student. Hake felt a pang of annoyance. Was Bebe just equally nice to everyone? He thought they had struck up a pretty sweet friendship but didn’t feel quite as special anymore.

I… kinda wonder if this bit would’ve worked better as a hard cut between scenes, since something about this transition feels a bit rushed. Probably because it’s much shorter than the journey from the waiting room to the place where Hake gets interviewed. If you opt to stick to your guns, it might make sense to do something to extend things a bit such as focusing on Hake’s internal thought process a bit more or something like that.

She looked up at them as they approached, beaming, and said, “Hello, professor. Hey, Hake. I hope everything went well.”

She clicked a few things on the computer screen, presumably checking the room back out. Hake waited for Rowan to acknowledge Bebe first.

“Everything went fine, thank you, Bebe. Oh, and I must apologize for being slightly late. I promise, that isn’t usual behavior for me, I simply got a little too caught up in the interview prior to this. I hope you all have a fantastic day,” he said brightly, leaving the building, leaving Hake alone with Bebe and the other student.

Bebe gave him a look. “Well? Did it go well, or was the old man being nice?”

I’m not really feeling the underlined bit there. It feels like you’re cramming a lot of stuff into “he said.” It might be better to pull the “he said” forward into Rowan’s dialogue as a speech tag, while pushing the rest off into the same paragraph as “Bebe gave him a look”.

“It went pretty well I think, but Rowan still didn’t seem particularly impressed. Maybe he was just trying to conceal it, I’m not sure.” Hake bit his lip in thought.

I… didn’t get that vibe at all earlier on in the meeting. Like there wasn’t any real acknowledgement of Hake thinking that he didn’t impress Rowan, since you’d think that would weigh a bit on his mind and make him stressed or whatnot.

Bebe shook her head. “No, I’m sure you did great. I’ve heard he often cuts off his boring interviews early, and it looks like you made it through the full 30 minutes. I’d call that a win if I were you.”

Hake laughed. “I guess so. But then who’s the person he interviewed before me? They’ve gotta be something special if they managed to keep him overtime.”

Also not really feeling the embedded description here since they both feel like things that either should be expanded more or attached with a speech tag.

The other student seemed slightly annoyed that the attention was off him, and resigned back to sitting in one of the chairs in the lobby, scrolling mindlessly through his phone as Hake smirked.

Bebe’s smile flickered slightly. “I probably have an idea of who it could be. Our beloved star student of course.” She rolled her eyes and went back to typing on her computer.

… Wait, the same other one that’s sitting in the room right now? Or is Bebe referring to someone else?

“Why do you sound annoyed?” Hake squinted at her.

Bebe grumbled something under her breath, then spoke aloud, “She’s just another one of the pretentious fucks that think they’re perfect around here. Thing is, she might actually be the closest to it that we’ve ever had at Jubilife.”

Bebe sighed. [ ]

“You said it was your first day here? I guarantee you’ll hear the name a lot more from now on. The other students here would grovel and lick her toes if they could.”

Bebe’s line feels fairly dense and like it’d work better cut up into multiple parts with “Bebe sighed” expanded a bit, since otherwise that’s a lot of words to take in in one sitting.

Hake recoiled a little bit. “That’s a little much, don’t you think? No one’s that good.” His interest, however, was piqued. Maybe he could find another friend in her, although he doubted it if she was really as arrogant as Bebe claimed. “Who is she?”

Bebe locked eyes with Hake, saying the name with a hint of malice.

“Cynthia.”

Well, that’s quite the up and comer there. Though I suppose that it makes sense that even 15 years in advance, Cynthia would be showing a lot of promise as a trainer.

Sorry to keep you waiting on this review, @Junebug44 . I think that it has some promise for a premise in terms of a “story behind how we got here” for the events of a canon game, and the opening definitely was a nice hook for where things were going. I also liked the exploration of quantum physics potentially interrelating with Pokémon evolution, and it makes me curious if that’ll wind up being explored more later in your story.

That said, I do feel that there’s some structural issues that are holding things back a bit. The number one issue that I saw with this opening chapter was with the narration and description, which felt a bit uneven at points. A general issue that I saw repeated was that there was a lot of “tell and not show” for things, where we’re told that one character feels a certain way that would likely be more interesting to see through their body language or something like that, with the thought processes of the characters being one of the parts where it’s more noticeable. The description that is there feels a bit “listed out” to the point where some bits honestly felt like reading through a checklist. You also had a number of sections of dialogue where it felt like there was a lot of stuff all jammed together, which would’ve likely been easier to parse through by spreading things out in terms of formatting.

Sorry if the feedback is a bit harsher than what you’re used to. For what it’s worth, I do feel like your story showed signs of promise in it. I just feel like it needs a fair bit of polish in order to bring out its strengths better, and hope the review that I left can help you with in your further writings.

 

[Junebug44]

Heya, I got rolled your story for the most recent Catnip Circle and… a prequel journeyfic to Platinum, huh? Not really sure what to expect from there, since I didn’t recall the canon backstories of the Sinnoh games being that detailed, but let’s see where this goes…

Chapter 1

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

That… seems like a bit more than mere storm damage there.

Also, some minor suggestions for fixes to tighten up a couple parts. Beyond that, I kinda wonder if some portions of your opening paragraphs “tell” a bit too much versus “showing” things. For instance, what does “assertively facing” look like? Does this young man have any specific body language he’s using?



I… kinda wonder if some of the sentences of description of these two paragraphs might merit rephrasing, since I notice that you use a lot of asides that make the overall sentence read a bit choppy. For instance, here’s a proposed rephasing of your first paragraph that doesn’t drop any details that you bring up:



You don’t need to do that exact rephrasing per-se, but if you ever get around to doing revisions of this chapter, it’s something to keep an eye out for. You’ve got a lot of nice details here, but the way it’s delivered feels almost like a checklist at times.



Oh, well that’s an ominous way to end the scene there. Though I wonder what on earth just happened?



Yeesh, that’s definitely some “quality” parenting there.

Though Cufant, huh? Wonder if that means that Hake is from Galar or Paldea. Or if you’ve just rolled with the assumption that more modern Pokémon are also present in older regions as well.



Purple-haired battling prodigy, huh? Doesn’t ring a bell for any champions, I wonder if that’s Fantina there.

Left a few minor suggestions for tweaks to make, though I’m taking that this is sometimes chronologically well before the opening scene, since the red cap seems consistent, but Hake here definitely doesn’t seem anywhere near as accomplished as what the prior scene seemed to be implying.



I kinda wonder if the bit in underlined should have been phrased in less vague terms. Like is this “stuff” meant to be gear for a trainer journey? Furnishings for an apartment? It’s left fairly up in the air at the moment when even a minor word change could clear things up a bit.



Oh, so Hake’s a uni student, huh? That’s definitely a bit older than the prototypical journeyfic protagonist, though it does have some promise for being able to do things differently. Will be fun to see how this story leans into having a more adult protagonist.

Though cell phones exist at the time of this story, huh? Wasn’t fully expecting that given that in official canon, Gens 2 and 4 have their events play out roughly concurrently to each other and clunky Pokégears are things in Johto, but eh. I won’t question it.



This… feels like another paragraph where the description is suffering from “bullet point list” syndrome. I think that part of it is that the first three sentences all are essentially “The [X] was [Y]” style sentences. If nothing else, I’d recommend varying the sentence structures a bit more than you presently do, and maybe emphasizing Hake’s “movement” a bit more since you actually never explicitly say whether or not Hake is walking ahead or if he’s just standing there and taking everything in.



I feel that there’s a smoother way that you can say the bit in underlined than you presently do. Maybe something to the effect of “they probably assumed he was yet another upperclassman going off to a job interview” would be worth considering?

Also, yeah. This was part of the reason why I was recommending to emphasize Hake “going around” a bit more in the narration of the last paragraph, since our first indication that Hake had been walking at all this whole time is all the way in the very last sentence of this paragraph.



I… kinda wonder if the bit in the underline would’ve worked better expanded into a stand-alone paragraph with some passing mention of the receptionist futzing around on the computer and then having an expression after seeing that Rowan was running late. Since something about jamming that all into a speech tag makes things feel a bit clunky for some reason.



I’m… not sure if the bit about “restless sleep” really aligns with the interview being one Hake couldn’t afford to mess up. It might make sense to make that its own sentence and approach it more from the tack of “The restless sleep last night wasn’t helping his nerves either”, which seems more along the lines of what you were coming from.



… Wait, why is the receptionist’s physical appearance coming up now as opposed to when Hake walked through the door and first talked with her? Unless the idea was that she was buried behind computer screens or something or else Hake is explicitly mentioned to be zoning out (which weren’t stated), those feel like strange details to not communicate upfront to the readers precisely to avoid having to give a bunch of description later on.



Huh, so someone’s new new at this job. Though I would recommend flipping around the “How do you know?” question’s ordering and tweaking the phrasing slightly.



Oh, I didn’t realize that that was Bebe there, even if I suppose I should’ve put two and two together from the described appearance and her thing for computers. I see that we’re getting our first canon character appearance in this story.

It’s a bit hard for me to put my finger on concrete suggestions to give here, but I’m not really feeling the way that the description and dialogue are mishmashed together to this extent. It just feels like there’s more that could be said about some topics here that aren’t such as Hake’s thought process or the mood/vibe when Bebe pauses to ask Hake if he’s a grad student or not.



Same deal here about the dialogue and description being mishmashed together when it’d likely be more effective to split things up a bit with more description to break these blocks up and keep things from blurring together. Though I see that my earlier suspicions that Hake was from Galar based off of growing up around Cufant were onto something.



This here I feel is a case of the opposite problem where your description is too spread out. IMO, this would be more effective if you just had the first two lines, Hake pull his phone out, and Bebe type things out and start handing the phone back when the major and story offer come up afterwards.



Your second paragraph in this sentence has enough going on in its description segment that you should strongly consider breaking it off into its own thing. I’d also recommend putting in a few more details about what Bebe’s college experience entailed as a mention in passing thing, since there’s not really a lot for the readers to glom onto about what it was like or why Hake would find it impressive up until Bebe’s mention of her blitzing through her CS degree.



From personal experience, that is absolutely never true unless if you’re coming into the course with a hefty amount of pre-learning under your belt. There’s a reason why “crunch time” is a thing among many industries centered around software development.



Oh, hello, Rowan. I presume this is sometime before his hair went the way of Santa Claus’?



I know that it’s a bit of a broken record by this point, but yeah. This is another part where it feels like we’re getting a “bullet list” of descriptions. It might make sense to see if you can show more stuff “happening” during all of this or else condense this information into fewer sentences.



Another bit that IMO works better split off into more than one paragraph. Also, I hadn’t pointed it out but I’m sure that it was also present in a number of spots before this, but in general, a lot of instances of “had [X]” or “was/were [X]” verbs often sound better when phrased more directly. For instance, here, you couldn’t just said that “The tension broke”



I… kinda wonder if the narration in this bit is a bit too focused on blow-by-blow events of things that are ultimately fairly small and ephemeral. Maybe it’d have made sense to show off more of Hake’s thought process a bit more. Like I get that he feels that Rowan’s imposing, but it just feels like his thought commentary is a bit on the superficial side here and I wonder if there was more he could’ve said.



No reaction from Rowan there aside from shaking Hake’s hand? Or is this kinda old hat for him by virtue of going through tons of these interviews? Since given how much this moment means for Hake, you’d think he’d be studying Rowan’s reaction closely to see if he’s making a good first impression or not.



I smell shipping in the future. :V



I… didn’t get the sense that Hake was nervous prior to this point barring that one mention of him not sleeping well. It might have made sense to have played that up a bit in the description up to this point since all this time Hake seemed very calm and collected.



These paragraphs here IMO would work quite a bit better broken up, with the part where Rowan is perusing Hake’s resume probably working a bit better if you expand things by a sentence or two to add detail about what’s going on for Rowan’s reaction.



Hake has some fairly long dialogue strings here that IMO you should strongly consider adding speech tags to break up. Also, I’d encourage you to format these into more and shorter paragraphs, since there’s some fascinating stuff here, but it gets a bit lost amid all the walls of text.



… Starting to get a bit worried about what Hake’s original idea there was given that he obviously had to trot this out as a last-second save.

Oh, so being one of Rowan’s peons normally involves a job interview, huh? Boy does that make me jelly of Lucas/Dawn in this setting given that they got to bypass all of that like a decade early. ^^;



Hake: “... Wait, there’s more?”

I kinda wonder if there should’ve been more mention of the sorts of questions Hake was answering in passing from that sentence in the underlined, since it’d give more of an idea of what Hake’s interview entailed if it’s going to become relevant to the plot later.



I… kinda wonder if this bit would’ve worked better as a hard cut between scenes, since something about this transition feels a bit rushed. Probably because it’s much shorter than the journey from the waiting room to the place where Hake gets interviewed. If you opt to stick to your guns, it might make sense to do something to extend things a bit such as focusing on Hake’s internal thought process a bit more or something like that.



I’m not really feeling the underlined bit there. It feels like you’re cramming a lot of stuff into “he said.” It might be better to pull the “he said” forward into Rowan’s dialogue as a speech tag, while pushing the rest off into the same paragraph as “Bebe gave him a look”.



I… didn’t get that vibe at all earlier on in the meeting. Like there wasn’t any real acknowledgement of Hake thinking that he didn’t impress Rowan, since you’d think that would weigh a bit on his mind and make him stressed or whatnot.



Also not really feeling the embedded description here since they both feel like things that either should be expanded more or attached with a speech tag.



… Wait, the same other one that’s sitting in the room right now? Or is Bebe referring to someone else?



Bebe’s line feels fairly dense and like it’d work better cut up into multiple parts with “Bebe sighed” expanded a bit, since otherwise that’s a lot of words to take in in one sitting.



Well, that’s quite the up and comer there. Though I suppose that it makes sense that even 15 years in advance, Cynthia would be showing a lot of promise as a trainer.

Sorry to keep you waiting on this review, @Junebug44 . I think that it has some promise for a premise in terms of a “story behind how we got here” for the events of a canon game, and the opening definitely was a nice hook for where things were going. I also liked the exploration of quantum physics potentially interrelating with Pokémon evolution, and it makes me curious if that’ll wind up being explored more later in your story.

That said, I do feel that there’s some structural issues that are holding things back a bit. The number one issue that I saw with this opening chapter was with the narration and description, which felt a bit uneven at points. A general issue that I saw repeated was that there was a lot of “tell and not show” for things, where we’re told that one character feels a certain way that would likely be more interesting to see through their body language or something like that, with the thought processes of the characters being one of the parts where it’s more noticeable. The description that is there feels a bit “listed out” to the point where some bits honestly felt like reading through a checklist. You also had a number of sections of dialogue where it felt like there was a lot of stuff all jammed together, which would’ve likely been easier to parse through by spreading things out in terms of formatting.

Sorry if the feedback is a bit harsher than what you’re used to. For what it’s worth, I do feel like your story showed signs of promise in it. I just feel like it needs a fair bit of polish in order to bring out its strengths better, and hope the review that I left can help you with in your further writings.

Hi Murkrow, fancy seeing you here! Absolutely no problem with being late to catnip, especially since you gave me literally everything I ever wanted from a review. I appreciated how thorough you were, and you let me know pretty much every time you thought something sounded awkward, which is something I feel every time I reread my first chapter, but you were able to effortlessly point out what the issues actually were. I will now go through them and give you my thoughts!

The description that is there feels a bit “listed out” to the point where some bits honestly felt like reading through a checklist.

This seemed to be the most common theme in your review, and I will say I 100% agree. This is the first chapter of any story I've ever written, so honestly writing ANYTHING seemed so awkward, and I had trouble putting it down on paper. I'll definitely give all those areas another look and see if there's a way to smoothen things out. If you ever get a chance to continue reading, though I will say each chapter after this becomes progressively cleaner, with my most recent chapter 4 being the best one yet. With your advice I'll definitely continue to improve!

Purple-haired battling prodigy, huh? Doesn’t ring a bell for any champions, I wonder if that’s Fantina there.

You wanna make another guess after finishing the chapter >:)

Oh, so Hake’s a uni student, huh? That’s definitely a bit older than the prototypical journeyfic protagonist, though it does have some promise for being able to do things differently. Will be fun to see how this story leans into having a more adult protagonist.

Though cell phones exist at the time of this story, huh? Wasn’t fully expecting that given that in official canon, Gens 2 and 4 have their events play out roughly concurrently to each other and clunky Pokégears are things in Johto, but eh. I won’t question it.

Ok so you also brought this up at the end about my fic being a lead up to canon. Like yes, technically it takes place 15 years ago, but that's just a time period for me, there's so much more regarding the premise that I should definitely advertise. It's also an AU, so it won't lead up to the EXACT situation as before the start of the game. For example, I'm gonna say all trainers have to be 21 and over. Which would also apply to the game characters.

You also had a number of sections of dialogue where it felt like there was a lot of stuff all jammed together, which would’ve likely been easier to parse through by spreading things out in terms of formatting.

I agree with this as well! I'll definitely go through the dialogue and see if there's things I can change to make it more interesting and less walls of stuff.

From personal experience, that is absolutely never true unless if you’re coming into the course with a hefty amount of pre-learning under your belt. There’s a reason why “crunch time” is a thing among many industries centered around software development.

I actually disagree. Bebe saying “it’s not that hard” is unrealistic but not impossible. I want all of these characters to be top tier students in their own right, and I think the struggles of CS is something that talent can definitely ease. If you have the intuition to approach it right the first time, there’s much less code debugging to be done, ergo much more time saved.

I smell shipping in the future. :V

Hehe. Lots of characters to be introduced, so lots of options to choose from.

… Wait, why is the receptionist’s physical appearance coming up now as opposed to when Hake walked through the door and first talked with her? Unless the idea was that she was buried behind computer screens or something or else Hake is explicitly mentioned to be zoning out (which weren’t stated), those feel like strange details to not communicate upfront to the readers precisely to avoid having to give a bunch of description later on.

i think the whole point of the delayed description was to implicitly show that Hake didn’t notice her the first time; she was literally just a receptionist. As soon as the kind words came out of her mouth, Hake kinda put a face to them. However, I see your point and maybe I can make that a little bit more clear by adding more description. Thanks!

For all the things I didn't respond to, I most definitely agree with and will change at some point. Thanks again for your review and for being kind with your criticisms. I learned a lot and I hope to see you in here one day again! :)

 

[Junebug44]

Chapter 5:​

Hake wiped multiple beads of sweat off his face, hiding himself underneath his cap. The sun was at its highest point in the sky, frying Hake and Kong as they hunted for shade in the extensive grasslands. The Sunkern and Cherubi thrived in this weather, but Hake was desperate for even a singular cloud to alleviate his fatigue.

“Groo!” Kong exclaimed.

Hake tilted up the rim of his cap to see Kong running ahead of him, pointing his twig in the direction of a small apricorn tree. The little chimp was very attached to his stick; Hake hadn’t even seen him enter his Pokéball without it.

“Nice one, bud!” Hake shouted back as they approached the tree for shade.

Normally, taking a rest in an area like this was inviting wild Pokémon to attack. Regardless of if a Pokémon was herbivorous or carnivorous, it was in their instincts to battle others for their territory, especially given that humans were becoming an increasing threat to their natural habitats. Hake wasn’t worried, though, since in pleasant environments like these the Pokémon weren’t too much of a threat. The harsher the surroundings, the stronger and more aggressive the wild Pokémon became.

Hake let his mind wander as he sat on a root and took occasional sips of his water. He was still having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that all of this was real. Going on a Pokémon League adventure always seemed out of reach. He'd grown up watching his competitive battling idols on TV, hearing their tales of journeying, meeting fellow trainers, and forging bonds with their Pokémon. He used to have dreams of himself in a Pokémon League champion’s shoes, decisively crushing his opponents as the whole world cheered.

But dreams often clash with reality. As he matured, the weight of financial constraints became evident. With his mother and him juggling tight budgets, the grand Pokémon League journey felt like an extravagant luxury. It was expensive and didn’t pay much in return unless you gained fame from it.

Some past champions, like Magic Monty, managed to make a fortune from sponsorships and brand deals after becoming champion, but the smallest hitch in his career sent him spiraling into obscurity after some controversy. The ones that stayed afloat throughout their life were trainers who found another career. Even the great champion Sammy Oak had to defer to being a Pokémon Professor eventually.

Amid these ponderings, his thoughts inevitably gravitated towards Sonia, a recurring figure in his daydreams. With her unwavering support, she had reintroduced him to a world of possibilities, beginning with a simple introduction to her grandmother. She did everything in her power to make Hake’s dreams into a reality, slowly breaking his walls and allowing him to re-awaken his childhood desires. He had trouble admitting it to himself, but the truth was that he missed her. Sonia had given him a second chance.

And this time around, his goals felt attainable, especially after spending his college years developing a backup plan in Quantum Physics research. He had his mother to thank for the practicality of the plan, who was an incredible talent in her own right. Her startup had been taking off as of late, though in the early stages, it wasn't exactly the most stable endeavor. Raising him on her own while nurturing her own business dream was a risky move, but it was inspiring to Hake nonetheless.

“KEEEE!”

A screech knocked Hake out of his thoughts as he caught Kong knocking another innocent Hoppip unconscious, resting his stick on his shoulder in triumph. Hake smiled at the sight.

Amidst the fury of the summer, Kong was having a good time bonking unsuspecting Hoppip on the bud and trying to snipe Taillow out of the sky with his twig. Even in this short span of time, Hake noticed Kong gaining more confidence in his attacks.

“You’ve been working hard, bud. Why don’t you take a break?” Hake suggested, leaning back to savor the lush scenery. He relished the time they had alone, taking pleasure in interacting with the nearby Pokémon.

However, Hake saw Kong’s eyes sparkle as the Grookey darted away from him, something piquing its curiosity.

“Kong? Where’re you going?” Hake called out. He didn’t know where Kong got his unlimited energy, but the short rest rejuvenated Hake enough that he could get back up. He shook his head, amused, as he followed his Pokémon, taking a quick glance at his watch.

4:15 pm.

About an hour ago, Hake and Bebe had decided to split up to explore the route on their own. Their argument never came to a resolution and they kept getting on each other’s nerves, so Bebe suggested they take some time apart to cool off. Hake agreed, offering to explore the South side while Bebe explored the North, and they could meet back up in three hours.

“Grookey?”

Kong had parked himself close by, staring at a small patch of grass. As Hake drew near, he noticed a flash of something shiny, and he crouched down to inspect it more thoroughly. Before he could, Kong’s patience level had depleted as he reached out to touch the object with his bare hands. A yelp escaped his mouth as sparks danced up his tiny arm in electrical shock. Hake’s instinct kicked in as he put a tardy hand between the strange entity and his Pokémon.

“Careful, you can’t just go around touching anything,” he reprimanded as Kong glared at the thing with narrowed eyes.

Another spark leapt from it, and Hake recognized the item as an intricately designed watch, its sapphire glass face gleaming in the sun. The instrument seemed pretty sophisticated and out of place amidst the surrounding nature.

Fascination instantly captured Hake as he reached out a hand towards timepiece, only to be met by a sharp rap to his fingers.

“Ow!” Hake exclaimed as Kong whacked his hand with his stick.

“Grookey…” Kong said exasperatedly, and Hake retreated his hand sheepishly.

“Oops. Good call, bud.”

Hake looked at the electronic gizmo, mind whirring. There was some fried circuitry, indicating that the watch was digital despite its analog features. To avoid getting electrocuted, Hake knew he could pick it up using something else, but he wasn’t technologically resourceful enough to do it without damaging it. Damn. This was Bebe’s expertise. He debated texting her, even though the allotted three hours were not over.

Before he could decide, a gruff voice rang out. “Hey, that’s mine!”

Hake turned his head to see a stranger approaching him from behind. His wide, muscular body adorned a brown jacket with jagged tears and frayed edges. His heavy-duty boots flattened the grass with each step, causing Kong to curl his lips back and bare his teeth. It wasn’t just Kong– Hake was getting a dangerous vibe from this man.

The stranger didn’t falter, narrowing his eyes. “Move over,” he barked.

Hake furrowed his eyebrows. The classy design of the watch was a stark contrast to this guy’s rough attire. However, his skepticism was quickly quelled as his gaze fell on the man’s wrist. To his surprise, an identical watch, mirroring the one on the ground, was clasped around it.

“Be my guest,” Hake said, stepping away to give the stranger space, and Kong hesitantly followed his lead. With a smirk playing in his mind, Hake caught a glimpse of the watch sparking again from the corner of his eye. Given the man's hostile demeanor, he opted to avoid any conflict, but there was no reason for him to mention the glaring defect.

He watched as the man shuffled forward and grabbed the watch. Upon contact, electricity shot up his arm and his massive body convulsed silently before the device slipped out of his grasp. A gasp clawed its way out of his mouth as the sensation ended, and a bit of smoke rose from his worn clothing and greasy black hair.

Before Hake could react, the man turned to him and closed the gap between them with two quick strides, grabbing a fistful of his shirt.

“You broke it? You piece of shit… you’re gonna pay,” the man growled.

Kong acted faster than Hake, snarling as his claws carved into the man's forearm. The man promptly released his grip, shouting obscenities and cradling his injured arm. Hake quickly nodded to Kong in gratitude before turning his attention to the man.

“Calm down, dude. It was broken when I found it,” Hake snapped. “Who the hell even are you?”

Hake took a defensive stance, watching the man turn to him, cracking his knuckles. His broad shoulders and thick arms were intimidating; without Kong there, who knows what this guy would have done.

He scanned the area around them. They were alone, but he was still getting reception on his phone. Luckily, he already had Bebe’s messaging screen open so he typed out a text.

need u here. help.

“You’re not getting anything outta me, kid,” the man spat, pulling a Pokéball from his pocket. The Pokéball wasn’t the typical red and white one that professor Rowan had given him. It had a glossy black exterior with a gold and red-striped halo across the top. A luxury ball.

“In that case, step away from the watch,” Hake demanded. “You're already wearing one. Until you can prove that the one on the ground is yours, finders keepers.”

A nagging suspicion told him there was more to this device than met the eye. If he could get it to Bebe, perhaps she could decipher its significance. This whole interaction made the situation feel even more shady.

The stranger’s face reddened, and he silently clicked the button on his Pokéball, releasing his partner.

Hake recognized the creature as a Scrafty. His Pokédex didn’t finish its spiel before Kong started hopping around erratically, pulling at the ends of his mouth with his fingers and sticking out his tongue. The goofy expression seemed to agitate both the Scrafty and its trainer, who barked out a command.

“Bandit, headbutt that fucker!”

Hake grinned. Seems like Kong had learned Taunt.

Grookey were naturally agile and flexible, Kong even more so. In Hake’s eyes, getting the enemy to attack recklessly was a great way of controlling the battle right off the bat.

“Kong, move out of the way and use Branch Poke!”

Reminiscent of their battle yesterday, Kong waited until Bandit got close before spinning out of the way and connecting with his branch, sending the orange Pokémon stumbling to the side.

Hake clenched his fist in triumph after successfully completing the maneuver. He felt even more in sync with Kong this time; the battle against Cynthia had pushed them to the next level. Her relentless battle style had been disorienting, and it had required a certain degree of level-headedness to overcome.

Hake let his thoughts develop some coherence as Kong jumped back, waiting for his next command.

His opponent was taunted, making this was the perfect situation for her unyielding style of battle. If Cynthia could do it, so could he. A smile crept onto Hake's face. It was time to ramp up the pace. He heard the confidence seeping into his voice as he called out:

“Keep it going, Scratch!”

“Slow it down, use Sand Attack!” The man shouted back.

As Hake predicted, though, the Taunt hadn’t worn off yet, causing the Scrafty to mindlessly launch itself back at Kong without taking time to refocus, but Kong was faster, knocking his opponent down with a swipe. If he kept this going, he could finish the battle before it even started.

“Branch Poke again!”

Smack. Bang. Pow.

Kong kept the blows going, seeing less and less resistance with each one. Hake smirked. He had hoped the battle would be a bit more of a challenge, but it looked like it was wrapping up. He opened his mouth to say something cocky.

Hake’s smug expression faltered when he saw the man’s face.

A perverted smile stretched his cheeks as he watched the battle unfold without lifting a finger. He watched his Scrafty endure hit after hit, eyes void of sympathy, allowing his Pokémon to get absolutely pummeled.

It felt like someone dropped an ice cube down Hake’s spine. He needed to put the poor Pokémon out of his misery.

“Finish it off, bud.”

Kong reared his branch back one more time, swinging down with full force.

Click.

Hake was sure the attack had connected. But then why was the exhausted-looking Pokémon still standing?

“Again, Kong…”

Click.

This time, as Kong swung his branch, Hake watched intently as the strike drew closer and closer, only for it to whiff through the air. He blinked. What the fuck? He wasn’t sure if he saw it correctly, but it looked like Bandit had effortlessly dodged the attack by limboing underneath it.

“Keep trying!”

This time, Hake caught a sudden movement from the man, along with a small clicking noise as he covered his wrist with his hand. Hake narrowed his eyes. That was the same wrist where he’d seen the man wearing his watch. Something was up…

Somehow, every single strike that Kong made was passing by Bandit like water around a smooth stone. Even the ones that made contact seemed like they were just slipping off. A surge of confusion and panic coursed through Hake. What the fuck was happening?

The Scrafty looked up, a map of bruises covering its body from the earlier hits, but unphased during this onslaught.

“Scrrrafty!” it said, beaming eerily as Kong finally jumped back, bewildered by the strange predicament.

“You really thought it was gonna be that easy?”

He looked up to see the man, hand over stomach, almost doubling over in hysterics. His laugh was a grating sound, like a rusty chainsaw. Hake winced, slightly startled by the outburst and took a cautious step back. It took several seconds before the stranger was able to recollect himself, flicking away a tear from under his eye.

“You messed with the wrong guy, kid. Bandit, use Payback.”

The blemishes on Bandit’s skin seemed to coalesce as a bright crimson aura crawled down his arm and into his fist. Hake couldn’t muster a word as Bandit launched himself at Kong, who was too stunned to react. The punch made contact with Kong’s cheek for a split second before a massive shockwave drove the chimp’s head into the grass with such force that the ground splintered beneath them.

“KONG!!!”

Hake’s voice broke as he saw his partner’s skull get crushed against the ground. The sight was painful to watch, but he knew that Kong would be alright. All Pokémon had incredible durability, and at the end of the day, they were up against an unevolved opponent.

Kong wobbled back onto his feet, his eyes glowing a faint green. The powerful hit had knocked him straight into Overgrow range, but the shock hadn’t subsided, and Hake caught a flash of fear in Kong’s expression.

Hake felt anger creeping into his thoughts. This was unfair. He was completely overwhelming his opponent just a second ago, so what happened? Why were none of his attacks connecting? Was he just getting played with the whole time?

“Bandit, use Headbutt!” the man roared.

Hake was on edge, shouting, “dodge it!” almost instantly. Kong barely managed to roll out of the way as Bandit hit air.

“Scratch!”

Click.

Kong once again missed his attack, Bandit shifting his momentum at an almost impossible pace.

This was getting bad. At this point, Hake didn’t know what kind of trouble he had gotten himself into, but it definitely had higher stakes than a typical friendly battle. The man’s eyes were filled with a mix of rage and mania. How was he gonna find a way out of this?

He needed more time to think. He had to stall.

“It’s alright, bud. You know what you’re good at. Stay on your toes,” Hake reassured Kong, who slowly began regaining some steam, bouncing in place.

“Get him again, Bandit!”

“Dodge it, Kong!”

The next few seconds went by like a game of cat and mouse, with the Scrafty trying to land the finishing blow, and his Grookey barely avoiding the attacks. Both Pokémon were clearly tired, but Hake knew his loss was inevitable. Even the occasional offense from Kong was instantly sidestepped by Bandit.

It was the watch. That much was obvious to Hake, who noticed the man fiddling with it constantly throughout the sequence. Something about this strange technology was causing Kong to miss. Maybe it was an ultrasonic wave, and it was throwing Kong off? No, it didn’t seem like his Grookey was really affected at all; it seemed more like the Scrafty was the one experiencing something.

Hake grinded his foot against the ground. Regardless of how the man was doing it, somehow he was able to prevent his Pokémon from being hit. Was there any way to win?

Hake was beginning to lose hope when he heard a sharp, familiar voice in the distance.

“Bogey, use Magical Leaf!”

A low, spectral sound followed, “Phaaaaan.”

Before anyone could react, Bandit was on the ground, knocked unconscious.

“What the fuck?” The man shouted, whirling around to see a figure approach him from behind.

Hake stared, mouth agape, at Bebe, who had a small Phantump floating atop her head. She put a hand on her hip and gave the man a glare so piercing Hake flinched inadvertently.

“I think you overstayed your welcome, tiger. Now scurry out of here.”

The man's eyes shot daggers into Bebe, huffing as he recalled his collapsed Pokémon.

“Dirty bastard. If you hadn’t surprised me, I could have–” the man cut himself off, struggling with himself for a second before spit flew out his mouth. “You’re fucked next time.” He sounded a little bit panicked, his gaze flickering between Hake and Bebe.

The man was twice their size, but Hake felt the shift in power as he took a step forward, jaw clenched. They encircled the man with their Pokémon, surrounding him.

“There won’t be a next time.” Hake pointed to a direction away from them. “You heard her.”

The man retreated with a rough shuffle, balling his fists as he rushed away.

The moment he was out of sight, Kong dropped to his side in exhaustion, and Hake felt his hands shaking as he wiped their sweat on his pants. The ordeal had rattled him a little, and he took a few drawn out breaths to calm himself down.

Bebe hurried to Hake's side, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Her expression was etched with concern. "Hey, are you alright?"

Hake returned Kong to his Pokéball before responding.

“Yeah, I’m good. I just…hate losing.”

He was grateful for Bebe saving his sorry ass, but he mentally hit himself. He should figured out a way to win on his own.

“Thanks for the assist,” he murmured. “How did you get here so fast?”

“I was already on my way here. I wanted to introduce you to Bogey,” she said excitedly. The Phantump circled Hake’s head, became dizzy, and slowly floated to the ground, cooing animatedly. Hake managed to crack a smile and pull out his Pokédex.

“Phantump, the stump Pokémon. After a lost child perished in the forest, their spirit possessed a tree stump, causing the spirit's rebirth as this Pokémon.”

Hake frowned. “A lost child? You’re telling me some kid’s spirit is in there? How does that make any sense?”

Bebe rolled her eyes. “Stop trying to read too much into it. He’s literally just a ghost Pokémon.”

Hake folded his arms. “Does Professor Rowan really believe in the manifestation of a human spirit? I thought he was smarter than–”

“Anyways, that’s what I’ve been up to!” Bebe cut him off. “Seems like your afternoon was a bit more eventful, though.”

A sudden rush of recollection washed over Hake.

“Actually, there was another reason I needed you here.” He walked over to the spot where the device had been and froze.

The watch was gone.

A sinking feeling took over Hake as he smacked his forehead. How could he have been so careless? The battle must have been the perfect distraction for the man to have snatched it up, especially when he wasn’t commanding his Scrafty.

He looked at Bebe with frazzled eyes, exhaling frustratedly.

“We have a lot to talk about.”