Poppin' Arms ~ Dorms

[Cresselia92]

"I don't think I can say I'm free from any fault, Icetales. The worst thing about it all is that I forgot all about the incident. I could remember being in a fire, and that Mama Rosa died somehow. That was it."

Icetales narrowed slightly his eyes. “I shall be absolutely frank with thee here, Sir Cynthian. Indeed, thou art not devoid of fault, as thou started the entire process by allowing that presence to control thee. That was a grave mistake. Howbeit, I am not condemning thee for that, because any other ‘mon could have been in thy place and accepted such a succulent offer.”

He sighed. “Thou did not know any better back then, however. This much thou must realize.”

"What happened that night really messed me up. Since then, each time I try to get into something, I'd always feel a voice in my heart telling me to turn back and stay away. Even though I'd forgotten my fault, deep in my heart I always feared that wanting anything would make others around me hurt somehow." Cynthian raised his trembling flowers and evoked a soft whine. "If I had lived a life without want, without aspiring for anything and just staying put in a quiet corner of the world, would Mama Rosa have still been alive? Would my life have been better?

"What am I saying? Of course it wouldn't have been. I am my mothers' Rose, and even though I kept turning away from every other venture, I still kept trying to be like her deep down. Through the uneasiness, fear and confusing guilt I felt whenever I looked in the mirror and saw my mother's face, I still kept trying to be like her. I'd end up giving up on everything else, but that was the one thing I always clinged on. Even though I now it's my fault she's gone, I still want to be like her."

Icetales winced, his gaze full of understanding.

“This is something thou cannot tell, I am afraid. ‘What ifs’ are just that — ‘what ifs’. All of us have done mistakes we desire we could simply… erase. But the past is an unmovable force that is not meant to be tampered with. What we must do it’s to look back at it and make sure to forge our own future path.”

The Ninetales stood back up and walked toward the other bed, lowering his muzzle to stay on the Roselia’s level.

“And, Sir Cynthian? Do not let go of thy dreams. Do not heed the dastardly demons that desire to drag thee down and force thee in a life of misery. That will do nothing more than nurture then and make them fester until thy only sight shall be black.” He shook his head. “Do not let that happen. There is always some light beyond the darkness. Thou only need to find it.”

Without realizing, Icetales had just given an advice to his own self. However, he was too absorbed worrying about his friend to assimilate his own words.

Cynthian buried his face in his flowers. "I... I miss her."

A tail drained of ice energy reached out for Cynthian and wrapped itself around his back, before Icetales rubbed his muzzle on his comrade’s forehead.

“…I know.”

Icetales waited for a long time, giving the quietness that Cynthian needed to grieve his mother.

…Mother…

The Ninetales shuddered, feeling his heart filling with nostalgia and past regrets.

“I… miss my own mother, too…” He closed his eyes. “And… I wish I could become like her. She was such a kind soul, always willing to help others and to offer them reassurance. I have been… trying to be like her and to follow her teachings. To be… a light for others, a source of compassion…”

Then, his voice lowered in pitch, almost cracking.

“…But I cannot be like her. I never could. No matter how much I try, I… know I cannot be a light…”

 

[Adamhuarts]

Cynthian took comfort in Icetales embrace, and listened to him speak. Every word from Icetales soaked into Cynthian's heart, shaving away some of the weight of his scars and helping his heart rise even just a bit more.

Was it really okay for him to be like her him to be like her? Was it alright to accept the other half of his identity he'd been rejecting? Yes. Perhaps it was okay.

The moment Cynthian's heart accepted that, a strange pressure stirred up inside him. It was a familiar feeling, the same feeling he'd gotten just before he became a Roselia—

“…But I cannot be like her. I never could. No matter how much I try, I… know I cannot be a light…”

"What?" Cynthian blinked at Icetales. He'd been so taken aback by those words that he'd forgotten all of his own struggles at that moment.

"What makes you say that?" Cynthian asked, and then he blushed. The words he was trying to say next sounded embarrassing in his head, but he felt he needed to say them. "I'm not one to talk when it comes to how one should see themselves, but you've always been a source of light to me, Icetales. Even now, you're willing to listen to me cry and mope, but you're not even judging me. You're telling me it's not my fault. You're telling me it's okay to dream and I... if that's not compassion, I don't know what is."

 

[Cresselia92]

"What makes you say that?" Cynthian asked, and then he blushed. The words he was trying to say next sounded embarrassing in his head, but he felt he needed to say them. "I'm not one to talk when it comes to how one should see themselves, but you've always been a source of light to me, Icetales. Even now, you're willing to listen to me cry and mope, but you're not even judging me. You're telling me it's not my fault. You're telling me it's okay to dream and I... if that's not compassion, I don't know what is."

Icetales grimaced and his free tails swayed erratically. If only he knew…

…

…Well, he was about to know.

“…Sir Cynthian. There is… a reason why I’m not comfortable around daemons, which is also why I always despised Darkwhite and dark sorcery in general.” He took a step back, unraveling his tail off of his comrade. His gaze had taken a tint of shadow, making his eyes look less like sapphires and more like an oceanic void. “And that reason… is also why I know I cannot be a true light. Merely a… flicker, at most.”

Icetales looked down at his dark paws, then at his dark tails.

“I… I am cursed. My blood is as dark as the night. A nefarious blend of a nefarious ‘mon. My father…” He took a deep breath, and his muzzle turned into a snarl. “My father… is a daemon, Sir Cynthian. A heartless tyrant, who was willing to assassinate his own son to cover his lustful sins. I… I have daemonic blood in my veins. I am… darkness born from darkness.”

He paced back and forth, while shadows flickered around his tails.

“I am a monster! A monster pretending to be a ‘mon among other ‘mons! I… I…” He shuddered and shook his head. “I do not even know if my feelings and heart are sincere, or if I’m merely a manipulative ‘mon with a face of light. Am I truly a good ‘mon or someone pretending to be a good ‘mon? This… this single thought terrifies me.”

A single tear sprung in his eye. “I… do not want to be a monster. I do not want this marred lineage. I do not want to be like him! But… but this is who I am. I… don’t want darkness, but I am… darkness…”

 

[Adamhuarts]

A single tear sprung in his eye. “I… do not want to be a monster. I do not want this marred lineage. I do not want to be like him! But… but this is who I am. I… don’t want darkness, but I am… darkness…”

Cynthian's heart twisted in anguish from hearing Icetales describe himself like that. So, that had been the cause of Icetales' panic earlier in the when his shadow appeared. Cynthian got up and ran up to Icetales with a pained expression.

"You're not a monster, Icetales! Don't call yourself that!" Cynthian pleaded while wrapping his arms around Icetales' front limb.

"Why do you say your heart isn't sincere? If you saw someone in need of help, would you walk away or lend a paw? Of course you'd help them because that's the kind of mon you are!" Cynthian rested his head against Icetales and took a deep breath. His dizziness still shook him, but there were more important things at that moment.

"Who cares if your father was a daemon? How you're born doesn't decide who you get to be. I don't care what anyone else thinks about you, but I wouldn't see you any differently even if you'd been Dark Matter himself. You'd still be someone dear to m. You'd only ever shown me kindness, only given me encouragement, I... I'd be worse off in life if I hadn't gotten to meet you." Cynthian gazed up at him and said, "You're Icetales, a kind and good soul, and that's who you'll always be to me."

 

[Cresselia92]

"You're not a monster, Icetales! Don't call yourself that!" Cynthian pleaded while wrapping his arms around Icetales' front limb.

Icetales took a sharp breath and stared at Cynthian. “Of course I am! Blood does not lie, I—”

But he couldn’t finish his sentence that the Roselia continued.

"Why do you say your heart isn't sincere? If you saw someone in need of help, would you walk away or lend a paw? Of course you'd help them because that's the kind of mon you are!"

“I…” Another deep breath. “I… I would help, of course. I cannot just… stay idle if something is hurting! I…”

And then, he froze as he realized those words. Did he mean them, or…?

…Yes. By looking inside himself, he meant those words, lineage be darned! Seeing the smiles on the folks he had helped… it was like a panacea for him.

Oh. How did he forget that?

Cynthian rested his head against Icetales and took a deep breath. His dizziness still shook him, but there were more important things at that moment.

"Who cares if your father was a daemon? How you're born doesn't decide who you get to be. I don't care what anyone else thinks about you, but I wouldn't see you any differently even if you'd been Dark Matter himself. You'd still be someone dear to me.

Icetales gasped and stared intently at Cynthian. After he poured his heart about what the Dark Matter of his world did to him, he found it heartening to hear those words.

That statement meant a lot for the Ninetales, but he stared in numb silence as his mind struggled to process how he was feeling into words.

He was… flabbergasted.

You'd only ever shown me kindness, only given me encouragement, I... I'd be worse off in life if I hadn't gotten to meet you." Cynthian gazed up at him and said, "You're Icetales, a kind and good soul, and that's who you'll always be to me."

And then, the dam broke. Icetales started crying tears of happiness as he felt a huge weight being lifted off of his heart, and he embraced Cynthian with his entire set of tails. He sobbed, muttering some blurred words of gratitude, and rubbed his muzzle on the Roselia.

Then, something stuck out from underneath the blue bow, loosened by the Ninetales’s shaking… it was Cynthian’s handkerchief.

 

[Adamhuarts]

Cynthian accepted Icetales' warm embrace wholeheartedly, and he returned the gesture in full as best he could. Though an ice type, Icetales radiated warmth to him, and Cynthian wanted that embrace to last forever.

Then, something stuck out from underneath the blue bow, loosened by the Ninetales’s shaking… it was Cynthian’s handkerchief.

Cynthian's heart thumped when he saw the handkerchief, and a soft giddiness welled up in his chest. He reached for the handkerchief and started padding it against Icetales' tears.

"Thank you, Icetales, for being here. For being you," Cynthian said, smiling softly.

 

[Cresselia92]

“A-and I thank thee for accepting me for who and what I am,” responded Icetales, wiping his face with his rightmost tail. “It has always been… difficult for me to integrate with other folks, thou see? I never felt like I belonged among the nobles, not among the goodmons, and… not among the daemons, either.” He beamed a smile, which was accompanied by brighter eyes. “But here… I feel like I have found a place where I truly belong.”

‘And it will be a real pity I will have to leave it behind some day…’

“I… could not have asked for better comrades.”

His tails started wagging, while soft sparkles began radiating from his body.

“And thou art… a good comrade. One of my closest folks. Never forget that, nor the brightness of thy heart. And if thou need anything… I shall always be there for thee.”

 

[Adamhuarts]

"Likewise, I'll be there for you however I can, till the very end," Cynthian said, a sense of completeness filling the void in his heart.

<><><><><>

 

[Dragonfree]

The strategy meeting hadn't been very encouraging. Sending Joule to the Reverse World like Bahamut suggested would just make his attack apocalyptically devastating in a slightly different way. The whole mission to distract him, well, they might be able to stall him for a bit, but he'd reflect everything they did back on them, and immediately become immune to that thing, and make it harder to keep distracting him at all. And they couldn't just combat that by trying to take him down before it became a problem, either, because he'd shield himself. And he'd rain down attacks on them the whole time. And Maple was fully convinced she wouldn't be able to get through to him until he was substantially weakened. So, somehow they had to endure a constant onslaught, for a while, trying to stall while that task got exponentially harder, with everything they did to do it a double-edged sword.

For Dave's parts, the only way he had to stall him was to fucking get in there and provoke him.

He'd walked out of the meeting and stared up into the sky at the curiously still massive orb of darkness and the dragon preparing to fling it at the town, knot in his stomach, and the fucking Shadow had materialized and gone "We're going to die," and he'd headed straight back for the X-Eye Cauldron.

Mia'd started asking about the Shadow, and he'd told her not fucking now, Mia, we've got the fucking apocalypse to worry about, and she'd frowned, clearly more than a little impatient with him, but he'd managed to keep it quiet for a couple of drinks while she'd casually talked strategy for the upcoming fight like it was nothing, and then forced himself to stop and pay the bill when he felt his mental stranglehold on the other Poochyena starting to waver.

He'd just go back to the dorm for a fucking nap or something, and maybe when he woke up it'd be gone.

So, as he opened the door to their dorm room, Mia and the miserable-looking Shadow in tow, he was really hoping to find it empty.

 

[Namohysip]

"Hey," Owen greeted, belly-down on his bed with his legs kicking the air while he read through what appeared to be literature on ranged combat. He'd been reading through that one ever since the apocalypse had started. His flame was its usual orange glow, so he was probably not very troubled by anything in particular. Or at least, not troubled more than usual. He was covered in what looked like healing battle wounds, similar to how he looked during the meeting, though they were rapidly clearing up.

Owen took a half-glance back to be polite, but before he looked away completely, he did a double-take. "Are you alright?" he asked, a little more bluntly than usual. He wondered if Mia would have further insight and glanced at her.

 

[Dragonfree]

"Yeah," Dave said. "Hi." He vaguely raised a paw in greeting and slumped down on his bed.

"No," said Mia. "He's being weird and drinking a lot. He does that sometimes."

The Shadow opened its mouth. "No, you fucking don't," Dave growled at it.

 

[Namohysip]

"Still not getting along with your Shadow?" Owen asked with a frown, his flame dimming a little. As if because he had been indirectly mentioned, the wraith Charizard emerged, just his head and neck, from behind Owen to peer over the Charmeleon's shoulder. "I, um. You've kinda been like this a lot, lately... The Blacklight isn't getting to you, is it? It's--you know, it's okay if it is... Happening to a lot of us right now."

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave glanced at Wishkeeper. "Yeah, well, mine can't seem to shut the fuck up about whatever nonsense unless I'm constantly keeping it in check, so no, we're not really getting along. Any advice on how to have it not do that, I'd be thrilled."

"He means it says what he's thinking," Mia said.

"I'm not even-- look, Mia, why don't you stay out of this."

"Why?"

Dave sighed lengthily, rubbing his closed eyes with a paw. "There's a lot in my head that I don't like," the Shadow said, and his eyes snapped open again as he gritted his teeth.

"Seriously, fuck off. You sound like some kind of dumbass melodramatic teenager all the time and it's fucking unbearable." The Shadow shrank back, making itself small.

 

[Namohysip]

During Dave's talk to himself, Owen had closed his book--sure to mark here he'd stopped--and sat up. Wishkeeper, too, watched, his focus more on the Shadow than the others.

"That Shadow is you, just like Wishkeeper is me, you know," Owen said, though he decided not to go further. Mia was probably right. And the fact that Dave couldn't even control it... What did that mean? Was he repressing it? It was hard to repress something that had a physical presence... Dave probably had these feelings for a long while. Not to mention that night a while ago where...

 

[Dragonfree]

Dave glared at the wall. "Doesn't act a whole fucking lot like me, does it."

Mia was frowning, looking at the shivering Poochyena in the corner. "That's true. Usually when you're scared you try to act like you aren't but he doesn't do that."

Dave made a frustrated noise, gritting his teeth. "Mia, you're not helping."

 

[Namohysip]

"Well, that's kind of the point," Owen said, placing his hands on his knees. "Shadows are sometimes, you know, your inner thoughts without that part of you that tries to keep it inside. Wishkeeper is a lot like my old self from, uh, a long time ago. Kind of. But yours... I don't know. Do you think that anything that he says is true?"

He looked at Shadow Dave. "What do you think? Do you know who you are?"

 

[Dragonfree]

The Shadow hesitated, looking over at Dave as if for permission. He squeezed his eyes shut, paw over his face. He could probably just make some excuse to get out of here, but knowing Mia she was going to continue this anyway and he was already about at the limits of her patience with putting it off, and Owen would just insist on talking about it next time they met, and the Shadow would continue to fucking pop up whenever it felt like it. Maybe this place was Hell, only it was decked out with talking Pokémon just to fuck with him.

"Look, I know what it is. I'm not fucking stupid."

The Shadow's ears perked a little.

"I'm sure you're having a grand old time with your past self there, but, I don't know, taking a wild guess here but I think most people would have a problem with having every dumb thought that ever flew into your head fucking physically follow you around and randomly declare itself to passersby in between making with the puppy eyes at you."

 

[Namohysip]

Owen nodded. "Y-yeah, I guess I got kind of lucky because mine can only talk to me. Nobody can hear what he says. Or maybe that's just a subconscious thing..." He eyed the second, meek Poochyena. "But why is he... you know... emerging more often? It wasn't like that before. Was this because of--um." Right, that was the other thing Owen had been concerned about. But when it first happened, Dave had gone to bed and collapsed, no chance to talk. "A while ago, you looked... really badly injured, but you just went to bed. Did you get in a fight, or something? Now that I think about it, he started showing up more often after that..."

 

[Dragonfree]

Fuck. Of course Owen remembered that.

"Yeah," the Shadow muttered. "It was bad. Nate attacked me."

"He was just drunk as fuck and yelling wild accusations pulled out of his ass."

"He was trying to separate me from Mia. I thought he might have been the spy. We'd been talking about how maybe more familiars could be used as Eternatus hosts."

"But I beat him, and obviously he wasn't the fucking spy."

"He used his isolation move, so I couldn't see her and had no idea what was happening. I got desperate and went for the throat." The Shadow shivered. "There was so much blood. I thought I might have killed him."

Dave gritted his teeth. "Well, he was fine. And then I revived him, except the dick used the opportunity to pull a fucking--"

"Endeavor," Mia said.

"Yeah. That."

 

[Namohysip]

"O-oh." So the infighting had really gotten that bad between them? Was that good or bad for Diyem's health? And was that exactly what Giovanni wanted?

None of those were probably useful things to say to Dave at that moment.

"Have you guys, you know, made up since then, or are you guys... just not talking to each other now? This was during that whole spy thing, so maybe now things are a little better? Why did you suspect him?"