DeliriousAbsol
*Crazy Absol Noises*
A/N - Here it is! My Christmas present to Thousand Roads forums! Fifteen people submitted characters to this story. FIFTEEN! After last year where I hadn't managed to showcase each character as much as I could have, this year I have striven to do better. As such, it has ended up becoming almost 25k words long! I hope I've captured your characters to your liking. I had a LOT of fun with this. I tried to do something different, both funny and exciting, with plenty of references to various fandoms etc sprinkled throughout! Some are really obvious, others are much more subtle. How many can you spot? (I'll put a list of references after the conclusion so please, to avoid spoilers, try to refrain from looking at it!) So here we go. Your adventure awaits! =D
Thank you so much, everyone, for submitting your characters for this! It couldn't have happened without you.
Here is the list for credits and reference:
Link to submission thread (now closed). You can find the intro to the adventure here if you wish to read it.
(Pokemon and its characters (c) Nintendo, Game Freak etc. All other references belong to their respective owners)
Winter Wonderland
The green plane of well-mowed grass stretched out in all directions as far as the eye could see. This was strange both because there were no trees or hills in sight, not even on the horizon, and there weren’t even any towns or humans in the vicinity who could have even mowed the grass. The only thing in the area that was not grass was a group of fifteen pokemon of varying species, and one lone mirror. The mirror was what had everyone’s attention, resulting in a lot of discussion and debate.
A meowth was trying to figure out if the mirror would fit in her bag (which it would not) as a lone mirror in the wilderness would undoubtedly be worth some money, while an elderly raticate with milky eyes had solidly declared that the presence of a mirror must surely be attached to a wall and was sniffing around it in the pursuit of one. Above him, a zubat zipped back and forth in a blind panic, shouting so quickly the meaning was incomprehensible. Back on the ground, a tyrunt had her jaws wrapped around the frame of the mirror ‘just to see if it could feel any pain’, but it didn’t so much as yelp. This, a hypno had declared, was because the mirror was an inanimate object and absolutely not a zoroark pulling pranks on them.
It was this hypno everyone decided to turn to, since he seemed like the educated sort. He stood with his back to the mirror after having convinced everyone to leave it well enough alone. Clutched in both paws was a goldfish bowl with a horsea floating in it. She had her head poked over the top, eager to listen in and find out just what exactly was going on.
“This is where he told us to meet, right?” the meowth - Minerva - asked. “That weird mew guy?”
“That’s what’s written on my map,” said Sid. The quilava hadn’t really engaged in the debate, too busy looking for clues in the information that each of them had obtained after waking up from what they had all assumed was a strange dream.
“You sure this isn’t just a strange dream?” Shirlee, an inkay, piped up from the back.
“It’s definitely not a dream,” explained Jung, cradling the goldfish bowl into one arm to free a paw to read his own letter. “Believe me, I know my dreams, and I can assure you this is not one.”
A kirlia named Shimmer huffed from the back of the crowd and folded her arms. “It certainly feels like a dream.”
At this point, Maressa looked up from her goldfish bowl to catch the hypno’s eye. “Are you absolutely sure? Because I was definitely someone different when I woke up this morning. I’m normally not a horsea, you see, but for some reason I now am one.”
“No way!” Grog the toxicroak gasped. “Is this one of those ‘human becomes a pokemon’ things? ‘Cos that would be so cool!”
“It would be totally cool!” An odd-looking rockruff bounced on his toes. “I’ve only heard of those in legends!”
“Maybe it is?” Maressa blushed and ducked a little into the water. “Either that or I’m being punished for some nefarious deed.”
“I doubt it’s either of those things,” said Jung. “We were asked to come here, so perhaps the mew has something to do with it?”
A cyndaquil, Ruby, shuffled from her spot at the front of the crowd. “Whatever the case, we have to do something. He’s called us all the way out here, and for what? To gaze at our reflections?”
“Maybe he’s trying to teach us something?” This was voiced by a dunsparce hidden in the thick of the crowd. “I mean, I had a pretty solid lesson taught to me by legends a while back. Maybe this mew is trying to do the same?”
A loud sigh came from a small pidgey who, having decided they’d had enough of this uncertainty, abandoned their spot atop a golett’s head to perch atop the mirror.
Swift fluffed his feathers and straightened to his full height. “Has anyone actually tried touching the mirror?”
Coco, the tyrunt, raised a claw. “I did. I nommed it several times.”
“The glass.” Swift waved a wing at the shimmering glass beneath him. “Has anyone actually touched the glass?”
This question was met with uncertain mutters and the shuffling of paws.
“Exactly,” said Swift. “I didn’t see anyone touch it. Maybe…”
The pidgey trailed off as he bent to peer at his upside-down reflection. He stretched out a tentative wing and brushed it over the surface of the glass. It rippled beneath his feathers and he swiftly retracted his wing.
“No way!” Grog stepped towards it and reached out a paw. “Is it water? No way is it water!”
The toxicroak reached the mirror in no time, snatching at the glass with his claws. He didn’t see the dunsparce slithering along near his feet and tripped over her, eliciting a yell from the pair of them. Grog went face-first into the mirror… and vanished beyond it!
“Oh no!” Totta reared up on her tail and clapped her stubby wings over her mouth. “I’ve done it again!”
“Done what again?” Minerva asked, taking a wary step away from the flat snake.
“Does it matter?!” Swift squeaked. “We have to follow him!”
Several eyes blinked at the pidgey and a few pokemon took a step back as they turned frightened looks onto the glass.
Swift shook his head and, with a sigh, dropped from the mirror’s frame and shot through the glass like a dart. He was promptly followed by Coco, then Sid who tucked his map away to scurry after them.
“Well, if we’re all going.” Shimmer followed after them at a trot, eager not to be left behind, or last for that matter.
“Whoa!” Minerva blinked her large eyes as she watched the other pokemon cautiously step through the mirror. “This thing must be worth more than its weight in gold!”
“Just go!” Shirlee shoved the meowth through the mirror and swept in behind her.
Jung watched the last of them flow through then exchanged glances with Maressa.
“That didn’t take much convincing,” he said. “Come. Perhaps we can find a way to restore your true form?”
The hypno strolled through the mirror onto another stretch of grass. It was very much like what they had seen reflected back at them, except on the outer edges that they couldn’t see was a forest decked out with silver frost and blankets of snow.
“Well, well!” the voice came from the air above them. “You came!”
A creature not quite like a mew manifested above their heads. His fur was black, with a purple mohawk that spread from between his large ears down his back to end in a fluffy tuft at the tip of his tail. He had his eyes closed, and reclined back with his legs crossed.
A silence passed over the crowd as they watched the strange mew sip from a china cup of steaming tea.
“Are ya gonna tell us why we’re here?” Minerva demanded.
“Why certainly!” The mew lowered his glass to look at the meowth, still with his eyes closed. “I called you here to help me with an important mission. Remember?”
“I remember you never said what that mission was,” said Shimmer. “And you’ve called us miles out here to the middle of nowhere, and it’s absolutely freezing!” The kirlia hugged her arms around herself and shuddered.
“Of course it is,” the mew explained. “It’s winter.”
As if on cue, a brisk breeze washed over them and they all edged closer to Ruby and Sid.
“Allow me to introduce myself,” said the mew, righting himself in the air. He gave a deep bow, making his mowhawk flop over his eyes. “My name is Bootleg, Mysterious Mew!”
“Wow,” said Shimmer. “Like… anyone who calls themselves ‘mysterious’ is super suspicious in my eyes.”
“Oh, you can trust me.” Bootleg settled back down on his invisible chair. “I only need your help! You see, this world is in a bit of a dilemma. The world here is trapped in an eternal winter that has been raging for centuries!”
“How on earth did that happen?” Totta gasped.
“Easy!” said Bootleg a little to jovially. “The Red Queen fell asleep a long time ago, leaving the White Queen to take over. Without the Red Queen, winter can never end, you see.”
“Well that sucks!” said the dunsparce. “Can’t farm taters if it’s snowin’ all the time.”
“You absolutely cannot!” said Bootleg. “So… will you help me?”
“We came here, didn’t we?” said Sid with a big smile. “You sent for us, so of course we’ll help.”
“Speak for yourself,” Grog told the quilava. “I was sent here by a different strange mew.”
“No.” Bootleg aimed his closed-eyed gaze at the toxicroak. “I believe I sent you.”
“Nope!” Grog folded his arms. “It was a different mew.”
Bootleg inclined his head on one side. “Okay…”
“So what do we need to do?” asked Sid.
At this point, the golett stepped forwards and bowed before Bootleg. “I am very happy to help. My name is Gil, a humble postal golett. But I shall endeavour to do whatever I can to assist you.”
Bootleg gave the ghost-type a look that suggested he’d heard all this once already, but smiled regardless. “Thank you, Gil. Please, allow me to explain. In order to have the best chance possible, you need to collect four items!” He raised four claws. “You can find each one at the four corners of this world, and once you have them they will give you the best chance possible to defeat the White Queen’s Snark.”
“Snark?” several voices gasped.
“What on earth is a Snark?” Shirlee added.
Jung scratched his head. “I believe it’s a fictitious creature devised by one Lewis Carrol.”
“Okay.” The inkay looked up at the hypno. “What’s a Lewis Carrol?”
“And what does ‘fictitious’ mean?” asked Coco. “And more importantly, can I nom it?” She caught a bemused look off the dunsparce beside her, and added, “I have very good teeth.”
“Wait… so this isn’t real?” Shimmer asked the hypno.
Rob flicked his long tail over the grass. “You’re telling me we’re stuck in some human fairy tale?” The raticate punctuated his statement with a snort, and added, “Sounds like a load of tosh-woggle to me.”
“I think it sounds amazing!” The rockruff, Peter, declared with some level of excitement. “Are we actually going to get to meet a human?!”
“Guys…?” Bootleg’s voice fell on deaf ears as the pokemon beneath him all began voicing their concerns and excitement over the matter.
“You’ve already met one.” Jung pointed to the horsea in his paws.
“Yeah, but…” Peter tilted his head to one side in that way dogs do when they’re confused. “She looks just like any other pokemon.”
“Guys!”
“Either that, or we’re all humans,” said Grog.
All heads snapped to the toxicroak.
He shrugged. “Just sayin’.”
“Guys, please!” Bootleg pleaded.
Everyone looked up at the mew with some reluctance.
“You don’t understand the severity of the situation,” he went on.
“We actually do,” said Shirlee, spreading her tentacles. “You’ve called us to this strange world that is apparently the figment of some human fairy tale.”
Shimmer lowered her head to the inkay’s ‘ear’. “I think you used the word ‘figment’ wrong.”
Shirlee shot the kirlia a glare.
Bootleg rubbed the bridge of his muzzle with a paw and sighed. “What was I thinking? When I decided to do this, I believed you’d be a lot more co-operative.”
“The strange and unusual mew is correct.” Gil stepped forwards and stood below Bootleg’s drooping tail. “We may have been called out of our homes, but this world is in a dire situation and this mew is asking us for help. Please excuse me for being so blunt, but the least we could do is assist him. Oh dear.” A huge snowflake landed on the golett’s head. “It appears it has begun to snow. This weather does not agree with my structural integrity.”
Swift fluttered from his perch above the mirror to land on Gil’s head. The pidgey spread his wings, shielding the ground-type like a feathery umbrella.
“That is very kind of you,” said Gil. “But does the snow not bother you, too?”
“Don’t worry,” said Swift. “I’m warm blooded.” He raised his head to look at the others. “But Gil does have a point. We’ve been asked for help. Don’t we serve those who need help in our own worlds? Our friends? Family? Trainers?”
“And those in need,” said Peter. “Yes, we do!” The rockruff/yamper stood beside the golett. “If this mew needs our help, then I am more than happy to use my deductive skills to help him.”
“Me too!” Ruby stepped forwards then flushed slightly. “In my own way, of course! I’m not exactly a detective.”
Minerva folded her arms and looked up at the mew. “Is treasure involved?”
“I can’t promise any,” said Bootleg.
Minerva shrugged. “Whatever. I’ll help out anyway.”
Pretty soon, everyone had agreed to assisting Bootleg and saving the world from its wintry prison. Bootleg, now much more content, returned to reclining in mid-air. Now he’d got everyone’s co-operation, a smirk… or a smile?… tugged at his muzzle.
“Now, as I was explaining earlier,” he said, “there are four items you need in order to defeat the White Queen’s Snark. You will find them at the four corners of this world.”
“Corners?!” Sid gasped. “How big is this world?!”
“And why is it square?” Grog added.
Bootleg decided to ignore that comment as he went on, “To do this, you will need to split into four groups, otherwise it will take you much too long to gather them all. I already had the groups planned, but… after meeting you all together I think I’ve worked out which of you might work best together to have the best chance at survival… I mean… success!”
“No, no.” Shirlee shook a tentacle at him. “Go back one. What did you just say?”
“Success!” Bootleg grinned. “Now, the groups I have here…” He pulled a scroll out of thin air and unrolled it. “Are the following. Group one will be Minerva, Ruby and Totta.”
“Wait a minute.” Minerva jabbed a claw in the dunsparce’s direction. “You’re stickin’ me with the potato farmer?”
“Hey!” Totta reared up to flash a grin at the meowth. “You stick with me then I can tell ya when to plant ‘em, when to pick ‘em and what to serve ‘em with!”
Minerva’s ears drooped and she exchanged glances with the cyndaquil, Ruby, who didn’t seem to echo the meowth’s feelings on the matter. “This is gonna be so much fun…”
“Group two is Zyrzir, Gil, Rob and Swift.” Bootleg looked down at the golett, raticate and pidgey, then looked up at the sky. “Where is Zyrzir?”
“The zubat?” Swift turned to follow Bootleg’s gaze. “I haven’t a clue! Did anyone see where he went?”
Rob shuffled away from them, his whiskers twitching. “I’ll find him, don’t worry.”
The raticate walked straight back through the mirror, and Swift raised his wings to his beak in shock, mirroring Gil’s pose exactly. It wasn’t clear if the raticate had even known the mirror was there. In a flash, Rob was back through the mirror with his long tail fastened around a panicked zubat’s waist.
“Found him,” Rob declared as he rejoined his team.
Bootleg wiped a sweat-drop from his ear and returned to his scroll. “Group three is Grog, Shirlee, Shimmer and Coco.”
“I’m stuck with three girls?” Grog glanced at the inkay and kirlia as they joined a very eager tyrunt. “Guess I need to get my ‘Knight in Shining Armour’ badge somehow, huh?” He strolled beside the kirlia with a silly grin on his face.
“And the fourth and final group is Jung, Maressa, Peter and Sid.” Bootleg rolled up his scroll and it vanished with a sleight of hand. “I trust you will all work well together?”
The groups all exchanged glances with one another then looked back to Bootleg.
“Where are we going?” Sid asked.
“Pick a direction!” Bootleg drifted onto his back and pointed all four paws away from his body. “North-east, south-east, south-west or north-west. Your choice! I’ll be checking up on you periodically.”
The mew twirled in the air and vanished in a flash of purple light.
“Can I just say one thing?” Shirlee piped up. “That guy looks nothing like a mew.”
“Maybe a little?” said Swift.
“Question!” Bootleg poked his head out of a pool of purple light. “Have any of you ever actually seen a mew?”
Swift raised a wing, while everyone else exchanged puzzled glances.
“Well… you have to ask yourself if a pokemon that can transform is actually showing you its true appearance?” Bootleg grinned at the dumbfounded expressions aimed his way. “Something to think about.”
“Wait, so if mew can transform,” said Ruby slowly, “then does that mean that your appearance is real or fake?”
Bootleg gave a small chuckle and raised a claw. “Now that is a secret.” With that, he vanished once more.
Everyone fell into silence, and Jung let out a heavy sigh.
“Is there a problem?” Maressa asked him.
“Yes.” Jung rubbed the back of his head. “He hasn’t told us what items we are looking for.”
“That does pose a small issue,” said Gil. “Well… which way are we going to go?”
After a brief discussion and quick farewells, the four groups parted ways, heading towards the four corners of the Winter Wonderland, none of them knowing what they were looking for. Or what to expect for that matter.
The snow was thicker the further away from the mirror they travelled. Ruby soon gave up expelling flames to melt it away, instead allowing her back flames to ignite, but the snow was falling much faster than her flames could deal with. Instead, Totta shuffled along ahead of them, leaving a flat trail between two tall snowdrifts. Minerva plodded along behind the dunsparce, muttering as the freezing snow soaked through her paws.
“Could use a scarf, huh?” Totta called over her shoulder.
Somehow, somewhere, the dunsparce had managed to acquire a scarf and bobble hat. Minerva had decided not to question it. She hugged her arms around herself and stared past Totta towards what appeared at first glance to be a mound of colourful stones.
“Let’s just find some shelter,” said the meowth. “Then we can wait for this yak to stop fallin’.”
“Huh!” Totta shrugged her tiny wings. “I dunno what your problem is. I kinda like it.”
She turned and flop-shuffled her way through the snow, shovelling it up with her tail and snout to make a path for her teammates.
“I’m with Minerva,” said Ruby. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind a bit of snow, but this is just unnatural! It’s falling so fast!”
The cyndaquil sneezed out flames to dislodge a few flakes from her snout.
Minerva cast a glance back at Ruby. “I guess all that extra chub ya carryin’ doesn’t keep the cold out then?”
Ruby opened her eyes wide, then closed them again just as quickly. “This,” she waved a paw at her pronounced belly, “is retained fire!”
Minerva shrugged and continued on after Totta, who was now singing a cheery song about spuds.
“It’s true!” Ruby picked up pace so she was walking beside the meowth. “I make more fire than other cyndaquil! As a result my fire attacks are a lot stronger.”
“Can’t do anything about all this snow, though, huh?” Minerva half-muttered.
Ruby snorted again, sending a few embers across the white landscape.
“Sorry. That was rude of me.” Minerva rubbed her paws over her arms and glanced away. “I just get super grumpy when I’m cold and wet. Let’s just… look for somewhere dry for a while?”
A small smile spread across Ruby’s muzzle and she inched closer to Minerva. The cyndaquil’s flames intensified along her back.
“Here,” she said. “Maybe this will help a little?”
The meowth chuckled and returned Ruby’s smile. “Thanks. It does.”
“Hey, look!” Totta reared up on her tail to flail a wing at the ‘rocks’ ahead of them. “I think we’re deffo gonna find some shelter there! Look at those things! They’re like huge umbrellas!”
Minerva and Ruby mirrored each other as they inclined their heads on one side. Then they picked up pace to follow the now eager dunsparce as she shuffle-flopped towards the colourful display. The closer they got to it the less it looked like a a mound of rocks and the more it resembled a field of umbrellas. An earthy scent wafted on the breeze as it whipped through them towards the oncoming pokemon, cementing what it was just before they put the pieces together.
Totta stopped beneath one of the ‘umbrellas’, peering up at it with a mixture of confusion and awe.
Minerva scratched behind her ear in thought. “Well that ain’t no umbrella.”
Ruby opened her eyes for a better look. “I think these are-”
“Mushrooms!” Totta gasped. “This is a field of mushrooms!”
“I’d liken it more to a forest, personally,” said Ruby.
“I wonder who grew all these?” Totta went on. “Like… is there a dunsparce mushroom farmer around here? ‘Cos I wanna know what fertiliser he uses!”
“Don’t mushrooms feed off dead things?” Minerva asked.
Ruby’s flames went out at that statement and she fixed the meowth with a bewildered stare. “What? That sounds awful!”
“I meant like leaves, plants and all that icky stuff that clings to your fur,” said Minerva. “But sure, if ya wanna make it into a horror story, then be my guest.”
Totta wasn’t listening. They caught a glimpse of her red and green scarf as she vanished beyond the forest of towering mushroom stalks.
“Come on!” Minerva motioned for Ruby to follow and trotted after the dunsparce.
The ground beneath the rainbow of mushroom caps was free from snow, but the earth was mulchy and soft, leaving wedges of mud between their toes. Minerva paused to shake one of her paws to no avail, and she soon gave up trying. Not because it was entirely fruitless, but because the area around them lit up with a faint green light.
“Where’d that come from?” she asked quietly.
The towering mushrooms weren’t the only fungi. Growing closer to the ground, or clinging to the thick stalks of their neighbours, were smaller mushrooms not much taller than Minerva. Some were even smaller. And each one gave off a faint glow. First green, then yellow, then red, then pink, then back to green. The pale stalks of the towering mushrooms reflected it perfectly, giving the impression of a jewel-encrusted cave.
“This is amazing!” Ruby turned on the spot, casting her eyes over the gills above her head. “It’s so beautiful!”
“Yeah, but… have they always been doin’ that?” Minerva asked.
Ruby shrugged. “Let’s go, otherwise we’re going to lose Totta.”
Minerva gave a glance back the way they’d come. The snow was falling much heavier now. With no better option available to her, she followed after the cyndaquil.
The path between the mushrooms was clearly defined, since there was little room to wriggle between the tightly-knitted stalks. Any gaps were filled with smaller mushrooms, some that resembled tiny umbrellas clustered in the ground. Minerva and Ruby found Totta admiring such a spot - or was she talking to it? - as they rounded a bend.
Totta looked up at them and beamed. “I think I just made a friend!”
“Really?” Minerva scoffed. “They’re just mushrooms.”
At that, the cluster of tiny umbrellas rose into the air, each being clutched by a floette. The tiny pokemon drifted up towards the colourful canopy before vanishing into the thick gills.
“Well that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Minerva.
“Did we scare them off?” Ruby asked.
“Nope!” Totta shook her head. “They said they were off to a tea party.”
Minerva blinked. “Pardon?”
“Tea party!”
“In a mushroom?”
Totta shrugged. “I dunno what tea they’d be servin’ but I sure don’t want any. Shall we move on? This place is amazing!”
The mushroom forest didn’t change much as they advanced. The soft lights lit their way, making the whole place feel oddly peaceful. Perhaps they were simply growing used to it? Or the lack of any immediate danger made them feel more at ease? The only sounds came from beyond the thick wall of mushrooms. Shuffles, grunts, and the occasional excited muttering. The sounds drew the attention of the trio, but only for a moment, since it stopped no sooner than it had started.
After a long while, Totta came to a sudden stop and let out an excited “Ooh!”
Minerva had to take a step back before her paw landed on the dunsparce’s drill of a tail.
“What is it?” Ruby asked, peering around Minerva’s shoulder.
“I think these are steps!” Totta shuffled to the side so her allies could get a better view.
What stood before her did indeed look like steps. Mushroom steps. The kind you might find growing up the side of a tree. They were red in colour, dotted with cream spots, and each one was flat and glossy. But they didn’t seem to lead anywhere…
“What are ya suggestin’?” Minerva asked. “We climb up and get a better view of this weird forest?”
“Nope! I’m suggesting we take them and see where they go,” said Totta.
“But they don’t go anywhere,” said Minerva.
“How do you know?” Totta looked at the mushrooms with admiration. “They might take us to adventure!”
“We’re already on an adventure, Totta,” said Ruby.
“I say we take ‘em!” Totta went on.
“Are you outta your cotton-pickin’ mind?” Minerva asked.
Totta looked back at her, the bobble of her hat bouncing off her snout. “I might be! Let’s go! What’ve we got to lose?”
Minerva and Ruby just blinked.
“Let’s face it,” said Totta. “If they don’t lead anywhere, then we’ll soon find out, right?”
Minerva and Ruby exchanged glances, and the former sighed.
“All right, sure.” The meowth shrugged. “Let’s climb these shroomy stairs.”
“They’re bracket mushrooms, actually,” said Totta.
“I thought ya were a pro on spuds not fungi,” Minerva scoffed.
Totta didn’t reply. She shuffled up the stairs first, with Minerva and Ruby close behind. As the dunsparce reached the top, she vanished! Minerva let out a small yell and stumbled forwards with the shock. Ruby grabbed her tail, finding herself pulled towards the top step. The mushroom forest warped around them, and they found themselves standing in a very similar environment. Except the path was wider, expanding out around them until it formed a perfectly round clearing.
Ruby scratched her head as she took it all in. “I guess this must be a Mystery Dungeon?”
The other two stared at her with contrasting looks of amusement and bewilderment.
“I’d had my suspicions,” Ruby went on, “but this world is so different to mine I just wasn’t expecting it to be a thing. You know?”
The others didn’t say anything, instead taking another look around. Cheerful voices came from the clearing, and they caught a glimpse of the mushroom floette drifting through the air.
“Ooh! Is that the tea party?” Totta asked as she began to flop towards the clearing.
Minerva wasted no time in taking after her. “You know, if this is a Mystery Dungeon, then I really hope there’s treasure at the end of it.”
The clearing opened out into a wide circle. In the middle was a huge, flat mushroom with smaller identical ones surrounding it. Each one a deep blue colour with lighter blue speckles. Although it wasn’t a table with chairs. The floette appeared to be serving tea rather than drinking it. Sprawled atop the large mushroom was a scolipede, but he looked different to the scolipede the trio were familiar with. His carapace was the same rusty red colour, but instead it looked soft and mushroom-like. He was also rather chubby, and had long feathery tufts on his tail-end rather than two long prongs. Clutched in one paw was a long, slender pipe attached to a hookah, which also sported a mushroom motif. He fixed the trio in a hard stare as they approached his perch.
“You’re late,” he said.
“Late?” Minerva gasped. “To what?”
“You know.” He took a long drag on his hookah.
The trio waited for him to elaborate, but he did not. Instead, he blew out a huge smoke ring which dissipated into a mushroom explosion.
“We don’t know,” said Minerva.
“Yeah,” said Totta. “We didn’t get any tea party invitations.”
“You are late,” he went on slowly, “to preventing this eternal winter.”
“Oh, hang on.” Ruby rubbed her snout. “Is this about what Bootleg has recruited us to? Because we only got the invitation two months ago.”
The scolipede rested his head on his free paw and idly tapped his hookah pipe on the mushroom. “You should have come immediately.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t exactly in our power, dude,” said Minerva.
“Excuses.” He sucked his pipe again, gazing off towards the path.
“So… you’ve been waiting for us?” Ruby ventured.
“Perhaps.” He turned to them again. “But first you need to prove yourselves.”
“Prove ourselves?” Minerva looked to her friends.
Ruby’s back ignited. “A battle?”
“Of sorts.” The scolipede was silent for a moment, before adding, “Poetry.”
Minerva spat air so hard she deflated. Totta caught her and righted her back to her feet.
“Poetry?” Minerva scoffed. “Ya have to be kiddin’ me?”
“No,” said the scolipede. “I like poetry. Impress me, and I shall aid you on your journey to freeing the Red Queen.”
The trio exchanged baffled glances.
“Okay, fine.” Minerva folded her arms. “One, two, button my shoe. Three, four, knock at the-”
“That is half-assed and you know it.” The scolipede gave her a piercing stare. “Try again.”
Minerva sighed into her paw. “Can’t ya just aide us without poetry?”
“If you fail my task,” the scolipede warned, “I shall unleash the momerath.”
One of the floette dropped her tea tray as she squealed, sending a rain of scalding green tea to the floor. Her friends set about helping her clear it up, but the scolipede didn’t seem to notice, or care.
Ruby sighed and shuffled her feet. “I don’t like the sound of this.”
“Well, it was never gonna be easy, was it?” Minerva asked. “I suck at poetry. What’ve you guys got?”
“I can go!” Totta beamed up at the scolipede.
“Once there was a little field where lot’s of taters grew,
But then one day a carrot said, “Hey I can do that too!”
So when the farmer went outside and saw the carrot’s head,
She plucked it out, tossed it aside, and said “Get out there, Fred!”
‘Cos she weren’t gonna put a carrot in a tater pie.
Other veg just makes it into one big tater LIE!”
Totta doubled over with snorts of laughter, then rolled onto her back gasping, “Tater lie! Get it?”
The scolipede let out a long sigh. “Ridiculous. Bring out the momerath.”
The floette halted their cleaning and floated as one towards the far edge of the clearing.
“Hey!” Totta flipped herself back upright. “That was comic genius!”
“I said I wanted poetry,” said the scolipede. “Not comedy.”
Ruby stepped forwards, her back still flaming. “Hey, don’t be hasty. We can surely come up with something you like.”
“You had your chance,” said the scolipede. “One too many if you ask me.”
A deep roar split the musty air and the trio froze. Ruby’s flames went out and a long stream of smoke curled from her nostrils as a long ‘nnnnnhhhhhh’ came from her snout.
“I thought ya had super fire powers,” Minerva mocked.
“I do, but I have no idea what a momerath even is!” Ruby squeaked.
Their answer came in the form of a huge, rolling ball of hair as it sped across the clearing towards them. It leapt into the air and uncurled into something that wasn’t quite a slakoth nor a tangela. It landed on four clawed paws and shook out its shaggy fur, each thick strand writhing like living tendrils.
“Looks like a grass-type to me.” Minerva shoved Ruby towards it with her foot. “Go on, you’ve got the advantage here.”
“How do you know?” Ruby asked, not taking her eyes off the momerath. “None of us have ever seen one before!”
“It’s mushroomy, right? And mushrooms burn.”
Totta reared up on her tail and whooped. “Yeah, burn it, baby!”
Minerva frowned at Totta over her shoulder. “You are having way too much fun for any sane pokemon.”
The momerath reared up on its hind legs and each of its tendrils snaked out away from it. “MOMERATH!”
It lurched towards Ruby who let out a small gasp. Her back flames erupted like a volcano, and a huge flamethrower spewed from her mouth. It engulfed the momerath before it could even reach her. Once the flames dissipated, the odd creature lay on its back, its eyes now crosses.
Ruby blinked a few times, stuttering incomprehensibly.
Totta peeked around Minerva’s side. “Huh. That was easy.”
Minerva rubbed her face with a paw. “Man, I was scared for nothin’! That rodent packs some serious fire power.”
Ruby, the situation now settling on her, rubbed her paws together and laughed. “Wow! Okay, that was fantastic! Bring on the next one!”
“There was only one.” The scolipede sounded somewhat disappointed. He tapped his pipe on the mushroom, not looking at either of them. “You have passed.”
“So ya gonna aide us?” Minerva asked. “Like ya promised?”
“Yes.” He stood up and moved away from them, towards the back of the clearing. “Take your reward. One size makes you larger. The other side makes you smaller.”
“Eh?”
“What’s he talking about?” Totta asked her allies.
“The mushroom,” came the scolipede’s voice.
The trio blinked at the huge, blue mushroom.
“But it’s round,” said Minerva. “How are we supposed to know which side to take?”
“Easy!” Totta was already beneath the blue mushroom. “We guess!”
A huge, heavy sigh drew Minerva’s and Ruby’s eye. Sat atop the mushroom was Bootleg, sipping from a mushroom cup of green tea.
“Don’t be so hasty,” he said.
“Hey, what are you doin’ here?” Minerva put her paws on her hips. “I thought ya needed our help, and here ya are, like ya could do it all along?”
“No, you have helped just fine,” he said. “But as for the reward, if you aren’t careful…” He raised a paw and the mushroom split in two down the middle. Totta let out a little yell from beneath it. “… Then you will fail.”
Totta stared at the one side of the mushroom she’d been gathering two slices from. “Huh! Well… thanks!” She grinned at the gills above her head.
“And now I leave you again!” Bootleg cheerfully declared as he raised a paw.
“Wait!” Minerva waved her arms to get his attention. “Ya seriously just gonna leave us here?”
He fixed his closed eyes on her. “Of course. You know the way.”
“Yeah, but-”
Ruby hopped from foot to foot. “Don’t worry, Minerva. If there’s any more momeraths then I can just burn them! Burn them all!”
Minerva jerked a thumb-claw to the cyndaquil. “Ya leave us in here, there ain’t gonna be no Mushroom Forest.”
Bootleg made a long, thoughtful noise. “You do have a point. Okay. Brace yourselves.”
The mew snapped his claws, and the Mushroom Forest warped and twisted around them.
Rob lead his group along the winding road, his whiskers twitching at every nook and cranny. The old raticate had become more relaxed with his tail wrapped around Gil’s wrist, and he rambled on to his team mates while Swift kept to the air, making sure Zyzir didn’t perform yet another disappearing act. Beneath them, Gil turned their head left and right as they made a mental map of the area, just so they all didn’t get lost again. Not that ‘getting lost’ was possible when you were already lost.
Rob grunted and came to an abrupt stop, staggering back on his tail. He rubbed his snout with a paw and glared at a post in front of him.
“Now who would go and put a post right in the middle of a perfectly good corridor?” he grumbled.
“If you would excuse me for cutting in,” said Gil, “this appears to be a sign post.”
“Oh.” Rob straightened and raised his head towards it. “Then I’ll let it off this time, then.”
Swift landed atop it and peered down at the signs. “Can any of you read this? Is it helpful at all?”
Rob narrowed his milky eyes at the text. “That… doesn’t appear to be within my abilities. I never could get the hang of human script.”
Gil made a thoughtful noise and scratched the top of their head. “It appears to be written in some cursive font that is alien to my collection of alphabets.”
Swift visibly deflated and clicked his beak, turning his head to follow each of the paths that forked off from theirs.
“Oh wait.” Gil tipped their head at an angle, and the golett’s eyes lit up. “It appears to be backwards. Do you perhaps have a mirror handy?”
Rob tapped his flanks and shook his head. “Nope. Not today.”
Swift ruffled his feathers. “I try not to go near mirrors. They’re… too tempting.”
“Oh bother.” Gil sighed. “This might take me a moment. Please bare with me.”
“How about you, Zyzir?” Swift looked up when no answer came, and he raised his wings slightly, his head turning in jerky movements. “Zyzir? Zyzir!”
“The little whippersnapper took off again?” Rob asked.
Swift sighed and fluttered into the air. “I’ll go and find him. You help Gil.”
“I think I’ll be more helpful to you, Swift.” Rob unwound his tail from Gil’s arm and raised it to the pidgey. “Come on. Let’s find our friend.”
Swift took the raticate’s tail in one talon and flew along beside him as the old rat bounded through the snow.
“Pretty cold carpet, huh?” said Rob. “Think they could turn the heating up a little? This is enough to make me want to hibernate, and us raticate don’t do that.”
“It is a tad chilly.” Swift looked at the trees growing alongside the snow-covered road, and caught a glimpse of sunlight through the canopy. “It might get warmer soon, though.”
“Someone turned the heating on?”
Swift chuckled. “Yes. Give it time. This place is big.”
“All right then. Keep an eye on the rafters, that’s where bats like to hide. I’ll see if I can sniff him out.”
Swift kept an eye on the sky, searching for the little zubat. It wasn’t long before a shrill cry came from his right. Rob stiffened, raising up like a meerkat as he turned his nose towards the tree beside them. Swift doubled back before he pulled the raticate’s tail off, and flailed his wings to remain stationary.
There, circling the bare canopy, shouting at the icicles hanging from the branches, was Zyzir.
“Zyzir!” Swift called.
The zubat turned in the air, searching for the voice. “Swift?”
The pidgey sighed. “I’m going to have to release you, Rob. Stay here.”
“All right,” said the raticate. “Don’t get lost now, ya hear?”
Swift dropped his tail and darted towards the zubat. Rob hunched over, pawing at the ground. He shuffled backwards until his rump met a large snowdrift.
“Yow, that’s a cold wall,” he muttered. But its presence relaxed him and he waited, twitching his whiskers at the wind.
Swift returned with Zyzir in tow. “Please stay close this time, okay?”
“Of course I will!” Zyzir circled Rob’s head. “I just wanted a look around and I got distracted. Did you see all them icicles?! One of them broke off and clipped my tail and I was all ‘ow!’ so I told it off and lost track of you and-”
“You were ahead of us,” Swift explained.
“Exactly!” said Zyzir. “So many icicles!”
“I told you it was cold,” said Rob as he lead them back towards Gil.
The golett was exactly where they left them, except a dusting of snow covered their shoulders. Gil stood with a paw to their chin, gazing up at the sign post.
Swift released Rob so he could take Gil’s arm again, then landed on the golett’s head to brush the snow away with his wings.
“Welcome back,” said Gil. “I have begun to translate this unusual script.”
“Any joy?” Rob asked.
“Yes. The left road will take us to somewhere called Moonlit Valley. The road ahead of us leads to a place called Jabberwock Lair. The right will take us to The Tea House.”
Rob rubbed his arms briskly. “I wouldn’t say no to a nice, hot tea.”
“I do not consume tea,” Gil explained. “But I appreciate it is a warm beverage that will help us against this snowy weather.”
“Is it fruit tea?” Zyzir asked. “Because fruit tea is the best tea. Not like that bitter black stuff you need to add milk to, or stuff made with leaves. Nope, fruit tea is the way to go.”
“With a name like Tea House, I imagine they’ll have fruit tea,” said Swift.
“You don’t add milk to fruit tea,” Zyzir went on. “Or sugar. Fruit makes its own sugar. Ooh sugar canes! We should totally get one of those!”
“Then we are headed for the Tea House?” asked Gil.
“Yes please!” Zyzir circled Gil’s head as they turned onto the right path. “What tea will you be ordering?”
“Like I explained, I do not consume tea.”
Zyzir appeared above Rob. “What about you?”
“Hmm… I might sample a bit of everything,” said Rob. “Get these old bones warmed up.”
“Bone tea?!” Zyzir gasped.
Rob looked towards him with a start, his brow furrowed.
“I do not believe that is what our raticate friend was suggesting,” said Gil. “But bone tea does sound quite vile, and that is coming from someone who does not possess the capacity to sample such a beverage.”
They continued on like that, following the road as it wound through a fruit orchard. Frozen berries dotted the branches, glistening in the faint sunlight. Where the sun touched the frost melted, forming tiny droplets that froze again into little shimmering beads. Zyzir and Swift admired them in awe, the zubat zipping back and forth between each one and describing them to Rob in great detail, while Swift kept a watchful eye from his perch on Gil’s head. The pidgey’s wings were growing stiff with the cold as the snow peppered his feathers.
“This place is so beautiful!” Zyzir exclaimed. “I could stay here and look at it forever!” He zipped from the berry tree he’d been admiring and froze as a little cottage caught his eye. “Look at that thing!”
The cottage was a squat little thing, slightly rounded with a thatch roof. A chimney curved up at one side like the spout of a teapot, with grey smoke curling from it to join the clouds. Above the door was a sign that read ‘The Tea House’- backwards.
“It certainly looks like it’ll be warm,” said Swift.
“Then let’s get these aching bones warmed up then, hey?” Rob lead them towards the gate, keeping his whiskers to the ground to find his way through it.
Zyzir circled above them yelling, “Fruit tea! Fruit tea!”
Gil gave the door a polite knock and it opened, revealing the face of a mr rime.
“Pardon us,” said Gil, “but we were hoping-”
“No room!” The mr rime slammed the door so hard the brass knocker rattled.
“Well that was rude,” said Swift.
“You’re telling me,” said Rob. “I aughta give that young lad a lesson in respecting his elders.”
The raticate approached the door and rapped his claws against it. It opened once more, only slightly, enough to reveal the eye of the mr rime.
“Now listen here, lad,” said Rob. “Is that any way to treat another pokemon? We’ve been walking through this freezing building for hours, now could you please let us into your nice, warm room or do I need to give you a scolding?”
“Building?” The mr rime opened the door wider to peer around outside. “What building?”
“This one.” Rob gestured to the air around him. “Now be a good lad and let us-”
“You are in the forest.”
Rob’s whiskers stiffened and everyone looked between the raticate and the mr rime.
“This is no building,” the gentleman-like pokemon went on. “This is the great outdoors. The big open wild. The forest, with a little cottage in the middle of it. Not a building!” He looked up at Rob’s friends. “And they call me mad?”
Rob’s whiskers were trembling. He stared blankly past the mr rime, his nose twitching at the warm air seeping out from the cottage. In an instant, the rat took off and shoved his way past the mr rime, eliciting a yell of surprise.
“Well excuse me!” The mr rime turned to watch after him and smoothed down his waistcoat. “What an alarming lack of manners!”
Swift, Gil and Zyzir were speechless (the latter for the first time since they’d arrived in the snowy world). They blinked at the mr rime who had now turned to address them again. But before he could, Swift raised a wing to cut him off.
“That was a little cold,” said the pidgey.
“Yes, it is cold,” said the mr rime.
Swift sighed and ruffled his feathers. “Look. Is this a Tea House? And if so, please can we come in?”
“Some of us struggle with the cold,” Gil explained. “All of us, actually. Swift and Zyzir here are flying-types, I myself am a ground-type. And Rob… he is an elderly raticate who’s bones complain with this weather.”
“Then what are you doing out in it?” asked the mr rime.
“We have been tasked with-” Gil was cut off by Swift waving a wing in their face. “Oh. A thousand pardons.”
The mr rime narrowed his eyes at them. “So… you would like tea?”
“Oh yes please!” Zyzir fluttered back and forth before him. “Fruit tea, please!”
“Hmph.” The mr rime stood aside and held the door open. “Very well. But there is very little room.”
The trio stepped through the warmth into a wide open room. A window was set beside a blazing fireplace, the chute of which curled along the wall where it finally ended where the spout was situated in the roof. Rob sat before the fireplace talking to - or rather talking at - a lopunny who was spreading a slice of toast with butter. The rabbit pokemon sat at the head of a very long table that looked as though it had been laid out for a rather large party. A few of the utensils were used and overturned, particularly at one edge of the table where a dedenne lay face down on a plate of butter. Bubbles rose from the butter in time with the rodent’s loud snores.
“This doesn’t look like a shop,” said Swift.
“Who said it was a shop?” asked the mr rime. “This is a house.”
“But… it says ‘Tea House’ outside,” Swift explained.
Gil nodded. “Backwards.”
“This is a house,” said the mr rime, “in the shape of a teapot. Where we drink a lot of tea. Therefore, Tea House.”
“But…” Swift was almost at a loss for words. “But this is only one room! You live here?”
The mr rime exchanged glances with the lopunny and nodded.
“Where do you sleep?” Gil asked.
The mr rime waved a paw towards the dedenne, who muttered buttery thoughts in their sleep.
“Huh,” said Swift. “Beginning to reconsider that cup of tea.”
“Lots of tea,” said the lopunny. “Help yourself!”
He then sat down, reached for his cup and stirred the contents with his butter knife.
“Come on then! Enough lollygagging!” The mr rime ushered them towards the table and practically plonked them down into their seats. Then he called out, “More tea!”
A teapot floated from the fireplace and drifted along the table. It stopped by Zyzir’s seat and tipped out a strange, purple tea.
“What flavor is this?” he asked. “Grape?”
The teapot’s lid lifted off, revealing a pair of swirling eyes in a purple watery face. “It’s Whatever You Want It To Be Tea!”
The trio stiffened, staring at the tea-like apparition. As it drifted along towards Gil, Zyzir sniffed his tea cautiously.
Rob appeared beside the pidgey, his whiskers twitching at the steaming contents in his tea cup.
“So…” Swift took a tiny sip of his drink and shook his head at the bitter taste. “Mr Rime-”
“My name is Hat Man Euston Von Clyde Senior the Fifth,” said the mr rime.
“I just call him Mr Hat,” said the lopunny.
“And I hate it,” said the mr rime. “Silly March has no manners whatsoever.”
“I ooze manners!” March loudly slurped his tea.
“Well it is a little long,” said Swift. “How about we just call you Hat?”
“Or Hatter?” Offered Zyzir.
“Hat Man is fine.” The mr rime took a sip of tea.
Rob ventured his own tea and recoiled in disgust. “This smells like perfume!”
“It is Earl Grey,” said Hat Man.
“I’ve never even heard of that,” said Rob.
“Mine does too,” said Zyzir. “I thought this was ‘Whatever You Want It To Be Tea’?”
“It is,” said Hat Man. “And I wanted it to be Earl Grey.”
Swift and his friends blinked in confusion. Before any of them could voice it, however, soot tricked from the fireplace. The group of four turned towards it, but Hat Man and March didn’t even twitch, nor did the dedenne. A flash of black appeared above the flames and Bootleg zipped into the room, sporting a red and white hat.
“Ho ho ho my goodness! Is it warm in here!” The mew landed at the opposite end of the table.
“No room!” Hat Man barked.
“No room whatsoever!” added March.
“No room… no room…” the dedenne mumbled into his butter.
Bootleg kicked his feet up on the table and tucked his paws behind his head. He waved the polteageist down and it drifted over to serve him.
“You aren’t welcome here, you ragamuffin,” said Hat Man. “Some nerve you have, inviting yourself in like that.”
“Oh dear. I don’t feel welcome at all,” said Bootleg. “And I thought you two were supposed to be the most welcoming pokemon here?”
“After what you did?” Hat Man snorted tea from his nose. “This blinkin’ winter is all your fault.”
Swift and his friends turned their heads towards the mew.
“That depends on which way you look at it.” Bootleg sipped his tea.
“Well we certainly look at it that way,” said Hat Man.
“Very much so,” added March.
Bootleg paused his tea sipping. “I needed to speak with these nice pokemon and see how they’re progressing.”
“Not very well, I’m afraid,” said Gil. “We do not even know what it is we are looking for.”
“And I want to know what he’s so upset about!” said Swift. “You said this winter is because of the White Queen!”
“It is,” said Hat Man. “But that mew there is responsible for the Snark.”
“As I’ve said a thousand times.” Bootleg fixed Hat Man with one purple eye. “I lost control of the Snark.” He closed his eye again in a beaming smile. “And now I need help to stop it!”
Swift let out a long sigh. “Well that’s a relief. So… have you any idea what we’re looking for? Or where we’re meant to be going?”
“You are in the right place,” said Bootleg. “That I can assure you.”
“Hang on,” said Rob. “If you know where it is, then why do you need us?”
“Because, as you can see, I am not very welcome here.” Bootleg met the narrowed eyes of Hat Man, and smiled. “He isn’t exactly going to give it up so easily.”
“If you are looking for the Teapot Cannon, I dropped it this morning.” Hat Man closed his eyes and slurped his Earl Grey.
Bootleg sighed and shook his head. “Such butterfingers.”
“Exactly!” March licked butter off his paw.
“So it’s broken?” Swift squeaked.
“Not exactly,” explained Hat Man. “Just lost.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Rob.
“I want a clean cup!” said Hat Man. “Move them over!”
The polteageist rose from his teapot and waved his arms anti-clockwise. The cups and saucers rose from the table and moved one over towards the mr rime. The clean cup situated between him and the other pokemon landed before him, while March ended up with his dirty one. Each of the four pokemon ended up with the cup beside them, which meant Zyzir ended up with a cup the mr rime had used earlier that morning.
The zubat’s nose crinkled and his ears drooped. “Yikes, what a mess!”
“It can’t be lost,” said Swift, returning to the dropped Teapot Cannon. “Where did you drop it?”
“Trust me, it’s lost,” said March. “He dropped it into the cup he had with his breakfast.”
“It alarmed me,” said Hat Man. “Sent all my tea right at the wall there.” He nodded at an unsightly stain on the wallpaper. “But if you can retrieve it, it’s yours.”
“Retrieve it how?” Swift asked.
“From the cup,” Hat Man answered, somewhat unhelpfully. “But trust me, everything that falls in there is lost forever.”
March let out a sad sigh. “I lost my last biscuit to that cup once. Such a sad time.”
“So wait…” Gil scratched their head. “We have to retrieve a teapot from inside a cup? How curious.”
“Twinkle twinkle little bat,” said the dedenne, “how I wonder where you’re at…”
“Help!” The cry was somewhat muffled, and all eyes turned to Zyzir’s seat.
But the seat was now empty.
Bootleg raised an eyebrow. “Oh dear. I guess he’s lost now too?”
Gil grabbed the teacup and peered inside it. The golett’s eyes lit up brighter and they jerked back in their seat slightly. Swift and Rob appeared at either shoulder to see what had distressed Gil. Inside the cup was a cloud of swirling purple, and Zyzir zipped back and forth erratically, his cries echoing feebly from within.
“Zyzir!” squeaked Swift. He turned to his friends. “What do we do?” Then to Bootleg, more frantically, “What do we do?!”
The mew shrugged and sipped his tea, reclining back in his seat.
“Well he’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot,” scoffed Gil.
“I tried one of those once,” said March around a mouthful of toast. “Tea everywhere.”
“Most unsightly mess,” added Hat Man.
Swift turned to Gil and Rob. “I think it’s safe to say no one here is going to help us. And we can’t just leave Zyzir.”
“Absolutely not,” said Rob. “I won’t allow it. I’ll go and find that young whippersnapper.”
“How?” asked Gil. “He appears to be lost in a vortex inside a teacup. And we are all a bit too big to get inside there.”
“So is Zyzir, but he managed it,” said Swift.
“No offence, but that youngster could get lost in a cardboard box,” said Rob. “This is no different. I’ll go in there and get him.”
“But it’s tiny,” said Swift. “Look!”
The pidgey stuck his wing into the cup and the feathers twisted and distorted, stretching out towards the vortex. He whipped his wing back and clutched it to his side, staring wide-eyed into the cup. Zyzir’s tiny form appeared briefly as he darted across the opening, then took off to fly further away from them.
“Okay,” said Swift more calmly. “What do we do?”
“I have a suggestion,” said Gil. “Based on what I just observed, it is possible to come back from the vortex. Otherwise, Swift here would have been sucked right in. If one of us goes inside, we can keep hold of them, like a living rope, if you will.”
Swift hugged himself and stared helplessly into the cup. “And if we fail?”
“Then we are lost,” said Gil. “And we will have failed Zyzir.”
They stared silently into the teacup as they processed this.
Rob cleared his throat, drawing their eyes. “Then I should be the one to do it.”
“Not at all!” said Swift. “Let me. I can fly.”
“I have a fantastic sense of direction,” said Rob. “And I’ve lived my life. You are youngsters. If I fail, at least you have the rest of your lives ahead of you.”
Swift swallowed around a lump in his throat.
“Pardon me,” said Gil, “but I believe I may be older than you are, Rob.”
“Spending time asleep, frozen in time, doesn’t mean you aren’t a youngster.” Rob grinned. “Let me do it. I’ll keep hold of you with my tail, okay?”
Gil and Swift nodded once.
Rob looped his tail into Swift’s talon, and the pidgey clamped onto Gil’s arm with the other. The cup was set on the table, and Rob shuffled over to it, poking his nose inside. His body stretched out like a piece of tattered rope and he vanished into the vortex. Swift kept hold of his tail, following Rob inside. He looked back over his shoulder at Gil, who’s arm was stretched out behind him. The golett looked miles away, and Rob seemed even further. His tail stretched like elastic, clasped tightly in Swift’s claws.
The raticate’s whiskers twitched as he tried to work his way over the floor. Each one was a section of floating tiles, and he made leaps of faith to find the next one. A high pitched whine filled the vortex, changing in pitch and frequency like some alien song. It drowned out Rob’s voice as he shouted for Zyzir. The zubat’s cries seemed distant as if he was far away. Round teabags bobbed in the air, passing by overhead like eyes in a sea of biscuit crumbs.
“Zyzir, can you hear me?!” Rob cried.
“Rob?!” Zyzir’s response was muffled, but he faltered in the air, turning his head towards his friend’s voice.
The raticate reared up on his hind legs. “Zyzir?!” An old teabag struck his ear and he grunted, swatting it away with a paw. “You see, this is why I don’t like littering. It’s a nuisance for everyone.”
“Rob!” Zyzir cried, soaring in circles. “Where are you?! All I can hear is this static shriek!”
“Follow my voice, boy!” Rob roared.
“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!” Zyzir circled, training his ear’s on Rob’s voice. “I think I’ve found you!”
The bat darted towards him as Rob kept moving forwards, shouting to the young zubat. Zyzir zipped nimbly beneath an old, soggy biscuit just as a large teapot bobbed into his flight path. He squeaked, beating his wings to get higher. But instead, he slipped through its lid and struck the wall inside. The lid clattered back into place, trapping the zubat.
“Rob, help, it’s dark!” he panicked.
Rob inclined his head on one side. “Zyzir? Why do you sound like you’re stuck in a box?”
“I think… I think I’m inside a teapot! Help!”
Rob muttered under his voice something about ‘troublesome youths’ and reached up with his claws. They found the handle of the teapot before it continued its journey through the vortex. He turned back towards his tail, tapping it with his whiskers. He followed it all the way back until his nose brushed against warm feathers.
“Is that you, Swift?” he asked.
The pidgey’s beak curled in a smile. “It is, Rob. Did you find Zyzir?”
“Let’s get out first, hey lad?”
Their bodies warped and twisted, and they poured out of the teacup onto the tablecloth. Gil’s eyes lit up and they clasped their hands together.
“Oh, thank goodness you are all okay!” The golett paused. “Where is Zyzir?”
Rob opened the teapot and the zubat shot out, darting amid the rafters.
“It ate me!” he cried. “It ate me then spit me back up!”
“You found the Teapot Cannon?” Swift gasped.
Rob chuckled. “You could say Zyzir found it.”
The group chuckled, and Zyzir came back down to investigate the odd teapot. Its long spout curled up like any other teapot, but its body was made of iron, and was as black as night.
“You actually tried to serve tea in this?” Swift asked Hat Man.
The mr rime shrugged. “It’s a teapot, isn’t it?” His brow furrowed and he looked away from them. “I am a ‘mon of my word. Since you found it, it’s yours.”
“We can return it after,” said Swift. “It’s to help defeat the Snark.”
“Snark?” Hat Man frowned at them. “You want to defeat the White Queen’s Snark? No one has succeeded.”
“You look puzzled,” said March. “Do you even know what a Snark is?”
“It is what the White Queen has, is it not?” asked Gil.
March snorted. “I guessed as much.”
“A Snark,” said Hat Man, “is a gentle creature. They can be told apart by those that have feathers and bite, and those that have claws and scratch.”
“For although Snarks do no common harm,” said March slowly, “some are Boojums.”
The group of four stared at them in silence.
“Why do I feel this is important?” said Swift.
Hat Man sipped his tea, while March returned to his toast. The dedenne rolled over in the butter and wiped a paw across his slippery nose.
“Well!” Bootleg rose from his seat and floated over to the group. “You have successfully obtained the Teapot Cannon! After that impressive stunt, I feel I aught to offer you a way out of here.”
“A way out? It’s just a house,” said Swift.
“After that endeavour, I wouldn’t mind a bit of help,” said Rob, digging his claws into the table. “But… can you please take us somewhere warm? And indoors?”
Bootleg tipped an imaginary hat. “I shall do what I can.”
(Continued in next post)
Thank you so much, everyone, for submitting your characters for this! It couldn't have happened without you.
Here is the list for credits and reference:
Ruby (Cyndaquil) (SGMijumaru)
Coco (Tyrunt) (Persephone)
Swift (Pidgey) (Chibi Pika)
Minerva (Meowth) (Fusion)
Totta (Dunsparce) (Namohysip)
Sid (Quilava) (Cynsh)
Maressa (Horsea) (StarlightAurate)
Jung (Hypno) (NebulaDreams)
Shimmer (Kirlia) (Windskull)
Shirlee (Inkay) (Canisaries)
Rob (Raticate) (K.S.)
Grog (Toxicroak) (Umbramatic)
Zyzir (Zubat) (Sike Saner)
Gil (Golett) (UnrepentantAuthor)
Peter (Rockruff/Yamper) (Cresselia92)
Coco (Tyrunt) (Persephone)
Swift (Pidgey) (Chibi Pika)
Minerva (Meowth) (Fusion)
Totta (Dunsparce) (Namohysip)
Sid (Quilava) (Cynsh)
Maressa (Horsea) (StarlightAurate)
Jung (Hypno) (NebulaDreams)
Shimmer (Kirlia) (Windskull)
Shirlee (Inkay) (Canisaries)
Rob (Raticate) (K.S.)
Grog (Toxicroak) (Umbramatic)
Zyzir (Zubat) (Sike Saner)
Gil (Golett) (UnrepentantAuthor)
Peter (Rockruff/Yamper) (Cresselia92)
Link to submission thread (now closed). You can find the intro to the adventure here if you wish to read it.
(Pokemon and its characters (c) Nintendo, Game Freak etc. All other references belong to their respective owners)
Winter Wonderland
The green plane of well-mowed grass stretched out in all directions as far as the eye could see. This was strange both because there were no trees or hills in sight, not even on the horizon, and there weren’t even any towns or humans in the vicinity who could have even mowed the grass. The only thing in the area that was not grass was a group of fifteen pokemon of varying species, and one lone mirror. The mirror was what had everyone’s attention, resulting in a lot of discussion and debate.
A meowth was trying to figure out if the mirror would fit in her bag (which it would not) as a lone mirror in the wilderness would undoubtedly be worth some money, while an elderly raticate with milky eyes had solidly declared that the presence of a mirror must surely be attached to a wall and was sniffing around it in the pursuit of one. Above him, a zubat zipped back and forth in a blind panic, shouting so quickly the meaning was incomprehensible. Back on the ground, a tyrunt had her jaws wrapped around the frame of the mirror ‘just to see if it could feel any pain’, but it didn’t so much as yelp. This, a hypno had declared, was because the mirror was an inanimate object and absolutely not a zoroark pulling pranks on them.
It was this hypno everyone decided to turn to, since he seemed like the educated sort. He stood with his back to the mirror after having convinced everyone to leave it well enough alone. Clutched in both paws was a goldfish bowl with a horsea floating in it. She had her head poked over the top, eager to listen in and find out just what exactly was going on.
“This is where he told us to meet, right?” the meowth - Minerva - asked. “That weird mew guy?”
“That’s what’s written on my map,” said Sid. The quilava hadn’t really engaged in the debate, too busy looking for clues in the information that each of them had obtained after waking up from what they had all assumed was a strange dream.
“You sure this isn’t just a strange dream?” Shirlee, an inkay, piped up from the back.
“It’s definitely not a dream,” explained Jung, cradling the goldfish bowl into one arm to free a paw to read his own letter. “Believe me, I know my dreams, and I can assure you this is not one.”
A kirlia named Shimmer huffed from the back of the crowd and folded her arms. “It certainly feels like a dream.”
At this point, Maressa looked up from her goldfish bowl to catch the hypno’s eye. “Are you absolutely sure? Because I was definitely someone different when I woke up this morning. I’m normally not a horsea, you see, but for some reason I now am one.”
“No way!” Grog the toxicroak gasped. “Is this one of those ‘human becomes a pokemon’ things? ‘Cos that would be so cool!”
“It would be totally cool!” An odd-looking rockruff bounced on his toes. “I’ve only heard of those in legends!”
“Maybe it is?” Maressa blushed and ducked a little into the water. “Either that or I’m being punished for some nefarious deed.”
“I doubt it’s either of those things,” said Jung. “We were asked to come here, so perhaps the mew has something to do with it?”
A cyndaquil, Ruby, shuffled from her spot at the front of the crowd. “Whatever the case, we have to do something. He’s called us all the way out here, and for what? To gaze at our reflections?”
“Maybe he’s trying to teach us something?” This was voiced by a dunsparce hidden in the thick of the crowd. “I mean, I had a pretty solid lesson taught to me by legends a while back. Maybe this mew is trying to do the same?”
A loud sigh came from a small pidgey who, having decided they’d had enough of this uncertainty, abandoned their spot atop a golett’s head to perch atop the mirror.
Swift fluffed his feathers and straightened to his full height. “Has anyone actually tried touching the mirror?”
Coco, the tyrunt, raised a claw. “I did. I nommed it several times.”
“The glass.” Swift waved a wing at the shimmering glass beneath him. “Has anyone actually touched the glass?”
This question was met with uncertain mutters and the shuffling of paws.
“Exactly,” said Swift. “I didn’t see anyone touch it. Maybe…”
The pidgey trailed off as he bent to peer at his upside-down reflection. He stretched out a tentative wing and brushed it over the surface of the glass. It rippled beneath his feathers and he swiftly retracted his wing.
“No way!” Grog stepped towards it and reached out a paw. “Is it water? No way is it water!”
The toxicroak reached the mirror in no time, snatching at the glass with his claws. He didn’t see the dunsparce slithering along near his feet and tripped over her, eliciting a yell from the pair of them. Grog went face-first into the mirror… and vanished beyond it!
“Oh no!” Totta reared up on her tail and clapped her stubby wings over her mouth. “I’ve done it again!”
“Done what again?” Minerva asked, taking a wary step away from the flat snake.
“Does it matter?!” Swift squeaked. “We have to follow him!”
Several eyes blinked at the pidgey and a few pokemon took a step back as they turned frightened looks onto the glass.
Swift shook his head and, with a sigh, dropped from the mirror’s frame and shot through the glass like a dart. He was promptly followed by Coco, then Sid who tucked his map away to scurry after them.
“Well, if we’re all going.” Shimmer followed after them at a trot, eager not to be left behind, or last for that matter.
“Whoa!” Minerva blinked her large eyes as she watched the other pokemon cautiously step through the mirror. “This thing must be worth more than its weight in gold!”
“Just go!” Shirlee shoved the meowth through the mirror and swept in behind her.
Jung watched the last of them flow through then exchanged glances with Maressa.
“That didn’t take much convincing,” he said. “Come. Perhaps we can find a way to restore your true form?”
The hypno strolled through the mirror onto another stretch of grass. It was very much like what they had seen reflected back at them, except on the outer edges that they couldn’t see was a forest decked out with silver frost and blankets of snow.
“Well, well!” the voice came from the air above them. “You came!”
A creature not quite like a mew manifested above their heads. His fur was black, with a purple mohawk that spread from between his large ears down his back to end in a fluffy tuft at the tip of his tail. He had his eyes closed, and reclined back with his legs crossed.
A silence passed over the crowd as they watched the strange mew sip from a china cup of steaming tea.
“Are ya gonna tell us why we’re here?” Minerva demanded.
“Why certainly!” The mew lowered his glass to look at the meowth, still with his eyes closed. “I called you here to help me with an important mission. Remember?”
“I remember you never said what that mission was,” said Shimmer. “And you’ve called us miles out here to the middle of nowhere, and it’s absolutely freezing!” The kirlia hugged her arms around herself and shuddered.
“Of course it is,” the mew explained. “It’s winter.”
As if on cue, a brisk breeze washed over them and they all edged closer to Ruby and Sid.
“Allow me to introduce myself,” said the mew, righting himself in the air. He gave a deep bow, making his mowhawk flop over his eyes. “My name is Bootleg, Mysterious Mew!”
“Wow,” said Shimmer. “Like… anyone who calls themselves ‘mysterious’ is super suspicious in my eyes.”
“Oh, you can trust me.” Bootleg settled back down on his invisible chair. “I only need your help! You see, this world is in a bit of a dilemma. The world here is trapped in an eternal winter that has been raging for centuries!”
“How on earth did that happen?” Totta gasped.
“Easy!” said Bootleg a little to jovially. “The Red Queen fell asleep a long time ago, leaving the White Queen to take over. Without the Red Queen, winter can never end, you see.”
“Well that sucks!” said the dunsparce. “Can’t farm taters if it’s snowin’ all the time.”
“You absolutely cannot!” said Bootleg. “So… will you help me?”
“We came here, didn’t we?” said Sid with a big smile. “You sent for us, so of course we’ll help.”
“Speak for yourself,” Grog told the quilava. “I was sent here by a different strange mew.”
“No.” Bootleg aimed his closed-eyed gaze at the toxicroak. “I believe I sent you.”
“Nope!” Grog folded his arms. “It was a different mew.”
Bootleg inclined his head on one side. “Okay…”
“So what do we need to do?” asked Sid.
At this point, the golett stepped forwards and bowed before Bootleg. “I am very happy to help. My name is Gil, a humble postal golett. But I shall endeavour to do whatever I can to assist you.”
Bootleg gave the ghost-type a look that suggested he’d heard all this once already, but smiled regardless. “Thank you, Gil. Please, allow me to explain. In order to have the best chance possible, you need to collect four items!” He raised four claws. “You can find each one at the four corners of this world, and once you have them they will give you the best chance possible to defeat the White Queen’s Snark.”
“Snark?” several voices gasped.
“What on earth is a Snark?” Shirlee added.
Jung scratched his head. “I believe it’s a fictitious creature devised by one Lewis Carrol.”
“Okay.” The inkay looked up at the hypno. “What’s a Lewis Carrol?”
“And what does ‘fictitious’ mean?” asked Coco. “And more importantly, can I nom it?” She caught a bemused look off the dunsparce beside her, and added, “I have very good teeth.”
“Wait… so this isn’t real?” Shimmer asked the hypno.
Rob flicked his long tail over the grass. “You’re telling me we’re stuck in some human fairy tale?” The raticate punctuated his statement with a snort, and added, “Sounds like a load of tosh-woggle to me.”
“I think it sounds amazing!” The rockruff, Peter, declared with some level of excitement. “Are we actually going to get to meet a human?!”
“Guys…?” Bootleg’s voice fell on deaf ears as the pokemon beneath him all began voicing their concerns and excitement over the matter.
“You’ve already met one.” Jung pointed to the horsea in his paws.
“Yeah, but…” Peter tilted his head to one side in that way dogs do when they’re confused. “She looks just like any other pokemon.”
“Guys!”
“Either that, or we’re all humans,” said Grog.
All heads snapped to the toxicroak.
He shrugged. “Just sayin’.”
“Guys, please!” Bootleg pleaded.
Everyone looked up at the mew with some reluctance.
“You don’t understand the severity of the situation,” he went on.
“We actually do,” said Shirlee, spreading her tentacles. “You’ve called us to this strange world that is apparently the figment of some human fairy tale.”
Shimmer lowered her head to the inkay’s ‘ear’. “I think you used the word ‘figment’ wrong.”
Shirlee shot the kirlia a glare.
Bootleg rubbed the bridge of his muzzle with a paw and sighed. “What was I thinking? When I decided to do this, I believed you’d be a lot more co-operative.”
“The strange and unusual mew is correct.” Gil stepped forwards and stood below Bootleg’s drooping tail. “We may have been called out of our homes, but this world is in a dire situation and this mew is asking us for help. Please excuse me for being so blunt, but the least we could do is assist him. Oh dear.” A huge snowflake landed on the golett’s head. “It appears it has begun to snow. This weather does not agree with my structural integrity.”
Swift fluttered from his perch above the mirror to land on Gil’s head. The pidgey spread his wings, shielding the ground-type like a feathery umbrella.
“That is very kind of you,” said Gil. “But does the snow not bother you, too?”
“Don’t worry,” said Swift. “I’m warm blooded.” He raised his head to look at the others. “But Gil does have a point. We’ve been asked for help. Don’t we serve those who need help in our own worlds? Our friends? Family? Trainers?”
“And those in need,” said Peter. “Yes, we do!” The rockruff/yamper stood beside the golett. “If this mew needs our help, then I am more than happy to use my deductive skills to help him.”
“Me too!” Ruby stepped forwards then flushed slightly. “In my own way, of course! I’m not exactly a detective.”
Minerva folded her arms and looked up at the mew. “Is treasure involved?”
“I can’t promise any,” said Bootleg.
Minerva shrugged. “Whatever. I’ll help out anyway.”
Pretty soon, everyone had agreed to assisting Bootleg and saving the world from its wintry prison. Bootleg, now much more content, returned to reclining in mid-air. Now he’d got everyone’s co-operation, a smirk… or a smile?… tugged at his muzzle.
“Now, as I was explaining earlier,” he said, “there are four items you need in order to defeat the White Queen’s Snark. You will find them at the four corners of this world.”
“Corners?!” Sid gasped. “How big is this world?!”
“And why is it square?” Grog added.
Bootleg decided to ignore that comment as he went on, “To do this, you will need to split into four groups, otherwise it will take you much too long to gather them all. I already had the groups planned, but… after meeting you all together I think I’ve worked out which of you might work best together to have the best chance at survival… I mean… success!”
“No, no.” Shirlee shook a tentacle at him. “Go back one. What did you just say?”
“Success!” Bootleg grinned. “Now, the groups I have here…” He pulled a scroll out of thin air and unrolled it. “Are the following. Group one will be Minerva, Ruby and Totta.”
“Wait a minute.” Minerva jabbed a claw in the dunsparce’s direction. “You’re stickin’ me with the potato farmer?”
“Hey!” Totta reared up to flash a grin at the meowth. “You stick with me then I can tell ya when to plant ‘em, when to pick ‘em and what to serve ‘em with!”
Minerva’s ears drooped and she exchanged glances with the cyndaquil, Ruby, who didn’t seem to echo the meowth’s feelings on the matter. “This is gonna be so much fun…”
“Group two is Zyrzir, Gil, Rob and Swift.” Bootleg looked down at the golett, raticate and pidgey, then looked up at the sky. “Where is Zyrzir?”
“The zubat?” Swift turned to follow Bootleg’s gaze. “I haven’t a clue! Did anyone see where he went?”
Rob shuffled away from them, his whiskers twitching. “I’ll find him, don’t worry.”
The raticate walked straight back through the mirror, and Swift raised his wings to his beak in shock, mirroring Gil’s pose exactly. It wasn’t clear if the raticate had even known the mirror was there. In a flash, Rob was back through the mirror with his long tail fastened around a panicked zubat’s waist.
“Found him,” Rob declared as he rejoined his team.
Bootleg wiped a sweat-drop from his ear and returned to his scroll. “Group three is Grog, Shirlee, Shimmer and Coco.”
“I’m stuck with three girls?” Grog glanced at the inkay and kirlia as they joined a very eager tyrunt. “Guess I need to get my ‘Knight in Shining Armour’ badge somehow, huh?” He strolled beside the kirlia with a silly grin on his face.
“And the fourth and final group is Jung, Maressa, Peter and Sid.” Bootleg rolled up his scroll and it vanished with a sleight of hand. “I trust you will all work well together?”
The groups all exchanged glances with one another then looked back to Bootleg.
“Where are we going?” Sid asked.
“Pick a direction!” Bootleg drifted onto his back and pointed all four paws away from his body. “North-east, south-east, south-west or north-west. Your choice! I’ll be checking up on you periodically.”
The mew twirled in the air and vanished in a flash of purple light.
“Can I just say one thing?” Shirlee piped up. “That guy looks nothing like a mew.”
“Maybe a little?” said Swift.
“Question!” Bootleg poked his head out of a pool of purple light. “Have any of you ever actually seen a mew?”
Swift raised a wing, while everyone else exchanged puzzled glances.
“Well… you have to ask yourself if a pokemon that can transform is actually showing you its true appearance?” Bootleg grinned at the dumbfounded expressions aimed his way. “Something to think about.”
“Wait, so if mew can transform,” said Ruby slowly, “then does that mean that your appearance is real or fake?”
Bootleg gave a small chuckle and raised a claw. “Now that is a secret.” With that, he vanished once more.
Everyone fell into silence, and Jung let out a heavy sigh.
“Is there a problem?” Maressa asked him.
“Yes.” Jung rubbed the back of his head. “He hasn’t told us what items we are looking for.”
“That does pose a small issue,” said Gil. “Well… which way are we going to go?”
After a brief discussion and quick farewells, the four groups parted ways, heading towards the four corners of the Winter Wonderland, none of them knowing what they were looking for. Or what to expect for that matter.
...
The snow was thicker the further away from the mirror they travelled. Ruby soon gave up expelling flames to melt it away, instead allowing her back flames to ignite, but the snow was falling much faster than her flames could deal with. Instead, Totta shuffled along ahead of them, leaving a flat trail between two tall snowdrifts. Minerva plodded along behind the dunsparce, muttering as the freezing snow soaked through her paws.
“Could use a scarf, huh?” Totta called over her shoulder.
Somehow, somewhere, the dunsparce had managed to acquire a scarf and bobble hat. Minerva had decided not to question it. She hugged her arms around herself and stared past Totta towards what appeared at first glance to be a mound of colourful stones.
“Let’s just find some shelter,” said the meowth. “Then we can wait for this yak to stop fallin’.”
“Huh!” Totta shrugged her tiny wings. “I dunno what your problem is. I kinda like it.”
She turned and flop-shuffled her way through the snow, shovelling it up with her tail and snout to make a path for her teammates.
“I’m with Minerva,” said Ruby. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind a bit of snow, but this is just unnatural! It’s falling so fast!”
The cyndaquil sneezed out flames to dislodge a few flakes from her snout.
Minerva cast a glance back at Ruby. “I guess all that extra chub ya carryin’ doesn’t keep the cold out then?”
Ruby opened her eyes wide, then closed them again just as quickly. “This,” she waved a paw at her pronounced belly, “is retained fire!”
Minerva shrugged and continued on after Totta, who was now singing a cheery song about spuds.
“It’s true!” Ruby picked up pace so she was walking beside the meowth. “I make more fire than other cyndaquil! As a result my fire attacks are a lot stronger.”
“Can’t do anything about all this snow, though, huh?” Minerva half-muttered.
Ruby snorted again, sending a few embers across the white landscape.
“Sorry. That was rude of me.” Minerva rubbed her paws over her arms and glanced away. “I just get super grumpy when I’m cold and wet. Let’s just… look for somewhere dry for a while?”
A small smile spread across Ruby’s muzzle and she inched closer to Minerva. The cyndaquil’s flames intensified along her back.
“Here,” she said. “Maybe this will help a little?”
The meowth chuckled and returned Ruby’s smile. “Thanks. It does.”
“Hey, look!” Totta reared up on her tail to flail a wing at the ‘rocks’ ahead of them. “I think we’re deffo gonna find some shelter there! Look at those things! They’re like huge umbrellas!”
Minerva and Ruby mirrored each other as they inclined their heads on one side. Then they picked up pace to follow the now eager dunsparce as she shuffle-flopped towards the colourful display. The closer they got to it the less it looked like a a mound of rocks and the more it resembled a field of umbrellas. An earthy scent wafted on the breeze as it whipped through them towards the oncoming pokemon, cementing what it was just before they put the pieces together.
Totta stopped beneath one of the ‘umbrellas’, peering up at it with a mixture of confusion and awe.
Minerva scratched behind her ear in thought. “Well that ain’t no umbrella.”
Ruby opened her eyes for a better look. “I think these are-”
“Mushrooms!” Totta gasped. “This is a field of mushrooms!”
“I’d liken it more to a forest, personally,” said Ruby.
“I wonder who grew all these?” Totta went on. “Like… is there a dunsparce mushroom farmer around here? ‘Cos I wanna know what fertiliser he uses!”
“Don’t mushrooms feed off dead things?” Minerva asked.
Ruby’s flames went out at that statement and she fixed the meowth with a bewildered stare. “What? That sounds awful!”
“I meant like leaves, plants and all that icky stuff that clings to your fur,” said Minerva. “But sure, if ya wanna make it into a horror story, then be my guest.”
Totta wasn’t listening. They caught a glimpse of her red and green scarf as she vanished beyond the forest of towering mushroom stalks.
“Come on!” Minerva motioned for Ruby to follow and trotted after the dunsparce.
The ground beneath the rainbow of mushroom caps was free from snow, but the earth was mulchy and soft, leaving wedges of mud between their toes. Minerva paused to shake one of her paws to no avail, and she soon gave up trying. Not because it was entirely fruitless, but because the area around them lit up with a faint green light.
“Where’d that come from?” she asked quietly.
The towering mushrooms weren’t the only fungi. Growing closer to the ground, or clinging to the thick stalks of their neighbours, were smaller mushrooms not much taller than Minerva. Some were even smaller. And each one gave off a faint glow. First green, then yellow, then red, then pink, then back to green. The pale stalks of the towering mushrooms reflected it perfectly, giving the impression of a jewel-encrusted cave.
“This is amazing!” Ruby turned on the spot, casting her eyes over the gills above her head. “It’s so beautiful!”
“Yeah, but… have they always been doin’ that?” Minerva asked.
Ruby shrugged. “Let’s go, otherwise we’re going to lose Totta.”
Minerva gave a glance back the way they’d come. The snow was falling much heavier now. With no better option available to her, she followed after the cyndaquil.
The path between the mushrooms was clearly defined, since there was little room to wriggle between the tightly-knitted stalks. Any gaps were filled with smaller mushrooms, some that resembled tiny umbrellas clustered in the ground. Minerva and Ruby found Totta admiring such a spot - or was she talking to it? - as they rounded a bend.
Totta looked up at them and beamed. “I think I just made a friend!”
“Really?” Minerva scoffed. “They’re just mushrooms.”
At that, the cluster of tiny umbrellas rose into the air, each being clutched by a floette. The tiny pokemon drifted up towards the colourful canopy before vanishing into the thick gills.
“Well that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Minerva.
“Did we scare them off?” Ruby asked.
“Nope!” Totta shook her head. “They said they were off to a tea party.”
Minerva blinked. “Pardon?”
“Tea party!”
“In a mushroom?”
Totta shrugged. “I dunno what tea they’d be servin’ but I sure don’t want any. Shall we move on? This place is amazing!”
The mushroom forest didn’t change much as they advanced. The soft lights lit their way, making the whole place feel oddly peaceful. Perhaps they were simply growing used to it? Or the lack of any immediate danger made them feel more at ease? The only sounds came from beyond the thick wall of mushrooms. Shuffles, grunts, and the occasional excited muttering. The sounds drew the attention of the trio, but only for a moment, since it stopped no sooner than it had started.
After a long while, Totta came to a sudden stop and let out an excited “Ooh!”
Minerva had to take a step back before her paw landed on the dunsparce’s drill of a tail.
“What is it?” Ruby asked, peering around Minerva’s shoulder.
“I think these are steps!” Totta shuffled to the side so her allies could get a better view.
What stood before her did indeed look like steps. Mushroom steps. The kind you might find growing up the side of a tree. They were red in colour, dotted with cream spots, and each one was flat and glossy. But they didn’t seem to lead anywhere…
“What are ya suggestin’?” Minerva asked. “We climb up and get a better view of this weird forest?”
“Nope! I’m suggesting we take them and see where they go,” said Totta.
“But they don’t go anywhere,” said Minerva.
“How do you know?” Totta looked at the mushrooms with admiration. “They might take us to adventure!”
“We’re already on an adventure, Totta,” said Ruby.
“I say we take ‘em!” Totta went on.
“Are you outta your cotton-pickin’ mind?” Minerva asked.
Totta looked back at her, the bobble of her hat bouncing off her snout. “I might be! Let’s go! What’ve we got to lose?”
Minerva and Ruby just blinked.
“Let’s face it,” said Totta. “If they don’t lead anywhere, then we’ll soon find out, right?”
Minerva and Ruby exchanged glances, and the former sighed.
“All right, sure.” The meowth shrugged. “Let’s climb these shroomy stairs.”
“They’re bracket mushrooms, actually,” said Totta.
“I thought ya were a pro on spuds not fungi,” Minerva scoffed.
Totta didn’t reply. She shuffled up the stairs first, with Minerva and Ruby close behind. As the dunsparce reached the top, she vanished! Minerva let out a small yell and stumbled forwards with the shock. Ruby grabbed her tail, finding herself pulled towards the top step. The mushroom forest warped around them, and they found themselves standing in a very similar environment. Except the path was wider, expanding out around them until it formed a perfectly round clearing.
Ruby scratched her head as she took it all in. “I guess this must be a Mystery Dungeon?”
The other two stared at her with contrasting looks of amusement and bewilderment.
“I’d had my suspicions,” Ruby went on, “but this world is so different to mine I just wasn’t expecting it to be a thing. You know?”
The others didn’t say anything, instead taking another look around. Cheerful voices came from the clearing, and they caught a glimpse of the mushroom floette drifting through the air.
“Ooh! Is that the tea party?” Totta asked as she began to flop towards the clearing.
Minerva wasted no time in taking after her. “You know, if this is a Mystery Dungeon, then I really hope there’s treasure at the end of it.”
The clearing opened out into a wide circle. In the middle was a huge, flat mushroom with smaller identical ones surrounding it. Each one a deep blue colour with lighter blue speckles. Although it wasn’t a table with chairs. The floette appeared to be serving tea rather than drinking it. Sprawled atop the large mushroom was a scolipede, but he looked different to the scolipede the trio were familiar with. His carapace was the same rusty red colour, but instead it looked soft and mushroom-like. He was also rather chubby, and had long feathery tufts on his tail-end rather than two long prongs. Clutched in one paw was a long, slender pipe attached to a hookah, which also sported a mushroom motif. He fixed the trio in a hard stare as they approached his perch.
“You’re late,” he said.
“Late?” Minerva gasped. “To what?”
“You know.” He took a long drag on his hookah.
The trio waited for him to elaborate, but he did not. Instead, he blew out a huge smoke ring which dissipated into a mushroom explosion.
“We don’t know,” said Minerva.
“Yeah,” said Totta. “We didn’t get any tea party invitations.”
“You are late,” he went on slowly, “to preventing this eternal winter.”
“Oh, hang on.” Ruby rubbed her snout. “Is this about what Bootleg has recruited us to? Because we only got the invitation two months ago.”
The scolipede rested his head on his free paw and idly tapped his hookah pipe on the mushroom. “You should have come immediately.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t exactly in our power, dude,” said Minerva.
“Excuses.” He sucked his pipe again, gazing off towards the path.
“So… you’ve been waiting for us?” Ruby ventured.
“Perhaps.” He turned to them again. “But first you need to prove yourselves.”
“Prove ourselves?” Minerva looked to her friends.
Ruby’s back ignited. “A battle?”
“Of sorts.” The scolipede was silent for a moment, before adding, “Poetry.”
Minerva spat air so hard she deflated. Totta caught her and righted her back to her feet.
“Poetry?” Minerva scoffed. “Ya have to be kiddin’ me?”
“No,” said the scolipede. “I like poetry. Impress me, and I shall aid you on your journey to freeing the Red Queen.”
The trio exchanged baffled glances.
“Okay, fine.” Minerva folded her arms. “One, two, button my shoe. Three, four, knock at the-”
“That is half-assed and you know it.” The scolipede gave her a piercing stare. “Try again.”
Minerva sighed into her paw. “Can’t ya just aide us without poetry?”
“If you fail my task,” the scolipede warned, “I shall unleash the momerath.”
One of the floette dropped her tea tray as she squealed, sending a rain of scalding green tea to the floor. Her friends set about helping her clear it up, but the scolipede didn’t seem to notice, or care.
Ruby sighed and shuffled her feet. “I don’t like the sound of this.”
“Well, it was never gonna be easy, was it?” Minerva asked. “I suck at poetry. What’ve you guys got?”
“I can go!” Totta beamed up at the scolipede.
“Once there was a little field where lot’s of taters grew,
But then one day a carrot said, “Hey I can do that too!”
So when the farmer went outside and saw the carrot’s head,
She plucked it out, tossed it aside, and said “Get out there, Fred!”
‘Cos she weren’t gonna put a carrot in a tater pie.
Other veg just makes it into one big tater LIE!”
Totta doubled over with snorts of laughter, then rolled onto her back gasping, “Tater lie! Get it?”
The scolipede let out a long sigh. “Ridiculous. Bring out the momerath.”
The floette halted their cleaning and floated as one towards the far edge of the clearing.
“Hey!” Totta flipped herself back upright. “That was comic genius!”
“I said I wanted poetry,” said the scolipede. “Not comedy.”
Ruby stepped forwards, her back still flaming. “Hey, don’t be hasty. We can surely come up with something you like.”
“You had your chance,” said the scolipede. “One too many if you ask me.”
A deep roar split the musty air and the trio froze. Ruby’s flames went out and a long stream of smoke curled from her nostrils as a long ‘nnnnnhhhhhh’ came from her snout.
“I thought ya had super fire powers,” Minerva mocked.
“I do, but I have no idea what a momerath even is!” Ruby squeaked.
Their answer came in the form of a huge, rolling ball of hair as it sped across the clearing towards them. It leapt into the air and uncurled into something that wasn’t quite a slakoth nor a tangela. It landed on four clawed paws and shook out its shaggy fur, each thick strand writhing like living tendrils.
“Looks like a grass-type to me.” Minerva shoved Ruby towards it with her foot. “Go on, you’ve got the advantage here.”
“How do you know?” Ruby asked, not taking her eyes off the momerath. “None of us have ever seen one before!”
“It’s mushroomy, right? And mushrooms burn.”
Totta reared up on her tail and whooped. “Yeah, burn it, baby!”
Minerva frowned at Totta over her shoulder. “You are having way too much fun for any sane pokemon.”
The momerath reared up on its hind legs and each of its tendrils snaked out away from it. “MOMERATH!”
It lurched towards Ruby who let out a small gasp. Her back flames erupted like a volcano, and a huge flamethrower spewed from her mouth. It engulfed the momerath before it could even reach her. Once the flames dissipated, the odd creature lay on its back, its eyes now crosses.
Ruby blinked a few times, stuttering incomprehensibly.
Totta peeked around Minerva’s side. “Huh. That was easy.”
Minerva rubbed her face with a paw. “Man, I was scared for nothin’! That rodent packs some serious fire power.”
Ruby, the situation now settling on her, rubbed her paws together and laughed. “Wow! Okay, that was fantastic! Bring on the next one!”
“There was only one.” The scolipede sounded somewhat disappointed. He tapped his pipe on the mushroom, not looking at either of them. “You have passed.”
“So ya gonna aide us?” Minerva asked. “Like ya promised?”
“Yes.” He stood up and moved away from them, towards the back of the clearing. “Take your reward. One size makes you larger. The other side makes you smaller.”
“Eh?”
“What’s he talking about?” Totta asked her allies.
“The mushroom,” came the scolipede’s voice.
The trio blinked at the huge, blue mushroom.
“But it’s round,” said Minerva. “How are we supposed to know which side to take?”
“Easy!” Totta was already beneath the blue mushroom. “We guess!”
A huge, heavy sigh drew Minerva’s and Ruby’s eye. Sat atop the mushroom was Bootleg, sipping from a mushroom cup of green tea.
“Don’t be so hasty,” he said.
“Hey, what are you doin’ here?” Minerva put her paws on her hips. “I thought ya needed our help, and here ya are, like ya could do it all along?”
“No, you have helped just fine,” he said. “But as for the reward, if you aren’t careful…” He raised a paw and the mushroom split in two down the middle. Totta let out a little yell from beneath it. “… Then you will fail.”
Totta stared at the one side of the mushroom she’d been gathering two slices from. “Huh! Well… thanks!” She grinned at the gills above her head.
“And now I leave you again!” Bootleg cheerfully declared as he raised a paw.
“Wait!” Minerva waved her arms to get his attention. “Ya seriously just gonna leave us here?”
He fixed his closed eyes on her. “Of course. You know the way.”
“Yeah, but-”
Ruby hopped from foot to foot. “Don’t worry, Minerva. If there’s any more momeraths then I can just burn them! Burn them all!”
Minerva jerked a thumb-claw to the cyndaquil. “Ya leave us in here, there ain’t gonna be no Mushroom Forest.”
Bootleg made a long, thoughtful noise. “You do have a point. Okay. Brace yourselves.”
The mew snapped his claws, and the Mushroom Forest warped and twisted around them.
...
Rob lead his group along the winding road, his whiskers twitching at every nook and cranny. The old raticate had become more relaxed with his tail wrapped around Gil’s wrist, and he rambled on to his team mates while Swift kept to the air, making sure Zyzir didn’t perform yet another disappearing act. Beneath them, Gil turned their head left and right as they made a mental map of the area, just so they all didn’t get lost again. Not that ‘getting lost’ was possible when you were already lost.
Rob grunted and came to an abrupt stop, staggering back on his tail. He rubbed his snout with a paw and glared at a post in front of him.
“Now who would go and put a post right in the middle of a perfectly good corridor?” he grumbled.
“If you would excuse me for cutting in,” said Gil, “this appears to be a sign post.”
“Oh.” Rob straightened and raised his head towards it. “Then I’ll let it off this time, then.”
Swift landed atop it and peered down at the signs. “Can any of you read this? Is it helpful at all?”
Rob narrowed his milky eyes at the text. “That… doesn’t appear to be within my abilities. I never could get the hang of human script.”
Gil made a thoughtful noise and scratched the top of their head. “It appears to be written in some cursive font that is alien to my collection of alphabets.”
Swift visibly deflated and clicked his beak, turning his head to follow each of the paths that forked off from theirs.
“Oh wait.” Gil tipped their head at an angle, and the golett’s eyes lit up. “It appears to be backwards. Do you perhaps have a mirror handy?”
Rob tapped his flanks and shook his head. “Nope. Not today.”
Swift ruffled his feathers. “I try not to go near mirrors. They’re… too tempting.”
“Oh bother.” Gil sighed. “This might take me a moment. Please bare with me.”
“How about you, Zyzir?” Swift looked up when no answer came, and he raised his wings slightly, his head turning in jerky movements. “Zyzir? Zyzir!”
“The little whippersnapper took off again?” Rob asked.
Swift sighed and fluttered into the air. “I’ll go and find him. You help Gil.”
“I think I’ll be more helpful to you, Swift.” Rob unwound his tail from Gil’s arm and raised it to the pidgey. “Come on. Let’s find our friend.”
Swift took the raticate’s tail in one talon and flew along beside him as the old rat bounded through the snow.
“Pretty cold carpet, huh?” said Rob. “Think they could turn the heating up a little? This is enough to make me want to hibernate, and us raticate don’t do that.”
“It is a tad chilly.” Swift looked at the trees growing alongside the snow-covered road, and caught a glimpse of sunlight through the canopy. “It might get warmer soon, though.”
“Someone turned the heating on?”
Swift chuckled. “Yes. Give it time. This place is big.”
“All right then. Keep an eye on the rafters, that’s where bats like to hide. I’ll see if I can sniff him out.”
Swift kept an eye on the sky, searching for the little zubat. It wasn’t long before a shrill cry came from his right. Rob stiffened, raising up like a meerkat as he turned his nose towards the tree beside them. Swift doubled back before he pulled the raticate’s tail off, and flailed his wings to remain stationary.
There, circling the bare canopy, shouting at the icicles hanging from the branches, was Zyzir.
“Zyzir!” Swift called.
The zubat turned in the air, searching for the voice. “Swift?”
The pidgey sighed. “I’m going to have to release you, Rob. Stay here.”
“All right,” said the raticate. “Don’t get lost now, ya hear?”
Swift dropped his tail and darted towards the zubat. Rob hunched over, pawing at the ground. He shuffled backwards until his rump met a large snowdrift.
“Yow, that’s a cold wall,” he muttered. But its presence relaxed him and he waited, twitching his whiskers at the wind.
Swift returned with Zyzir in tow. “Please stay close this time, okay?”
“Of course I will!” Zyzir circled Rob’s head. “I just wanted a look around and I got distracted. Did you see all them icicles?! One of them broke off and clipped my tail and I was all ‘ow!’ so I told it off and lost track of you and-”
“You were ahead of us,” Swift explained.
“Exactly!” said Zyzir. “So many icicles!”
“I told you it was cold,” said Rob as he lead them back towards Gil.
The golett was exactly where they left them, except a dusting of snow covered their shoulders. Gil stood with a paw to their chin, gazing up at the sign post.
Swift released Rob so he could take Gil’s arm again, then landed on the golett’s head to brush the snow away with his wings.
“Welcome back,” said Gil. “I have begun to translate this unusual script.”
“Any joy?” Rob asked.
“Yes. The left road will take us to somewhere called Moonlit Valley. The road ahead of us leads to a place called Jabberwock Lair. The right will take us to The Tea House.”
Rob rubbed his arms briskly. “I wouldn’t say no to a nice, hot tea.”
“I do not consume tea,” Gil explained. “But I appreciate it is a warm beverage that will help us against this snowy weather.”
“Is it fruit tea?” Zyzir asked. “Because fruit tea is the best tea. Not like that bitter black stuff you need to add milk to, or stuff made with leaves. Nope, fruit tea is the way to go.”
“With a name like Tea House, I imagine they’ll have fruit tea,” said Swift.
“You don’t add milk to fruit tea,” Zyzir went on. “Or sugar. Fruit makes its own sugar. Ooh sugar canes! We should totally get one of those!”
“Then we are headed for the Tea House?” asked Gil.
“Yes please!” Zyzir circled Gil’s head as they turned onto the right path. “What tea will you be ordering?”
“Like I explained, I do not consume tea.”
Zyzir appeared above Rob. “What about you?”
“Hmm… I might sample a bit of everything,” said Rob. “Get these old bones warmed up.”
“Bone tea?!” Zyzir gasped.
Rob looked towards him with a start, his brow furrowed.
“I do not believe that is what our raticate friend was suggesting,” said Gil. “But bone tea does sound quite vile, and that is coming from someone who does not possess the capacity to sample such a beverage.”
They continued on like that, following the road as it wound through a fruit orchard. Frozen berries dotted the branches, glistening in the faint sunlight. Where the sun touched the frost melted, forming tiny droplets that froze again into little shimmering beads. Zyzir and Swift admired them in awe, the zubat zipping back and forth between each one and describing them to Rob in great detail, while Swift kept a watchful eye from his perch on Gil’s head. The pidgey’s wings were growing stiff with the cold as the snow peppered his feathers.
“This place is so beautiful!” Zyzir exclaimed. “I could stay here and look at it forever!” He zipped from the berry tree he’d been admiring and froze as a little cottage caught his eye. “Look at that thing!”
The cottage was a squat little thing, slightly rounded with a thatch roof. A chimney curved up at one side like the spout of a teapot, with grey smoke curling from it to join the clouds. Above the door was a sign that read ‘The Tea House’- backwards.
“It certainly looks like it’ll be warm,” said Swift.
“Then let’s get these aching bones warmed up then, hey?” Rob lead them towards the gate, keeping his whiskers to the ground to find his way through it.
Zyzir circled above them yelling, “Fruit tea! Fruit tea!”
Gil gave the door a polite knock and it opened, revealing the face of a mr rime.
“Pardon us,” said Gil, “but we were hoping-”
“No room!” The mr rime slammed the door so hard the brass knocker rattled.
“Well that was rude,” said Swift.
“You’re telling me,” said Rob. “I aughta give that young lad a lesson in respecting his elders.”
The raticate approached the door and rapped his claws against it. It opened once more, only slightly, enough to reveal the eye of the mr rime.
“Now listen here, lad,” said Rob. “Is that any way to treat another pokemon? We’ve been walking through this freezing building for hours, now could you please let us into your nice, warm room or do I need to give you a scolding?”
“Building?” The mr rime opened the door wider to peer around outside. “What building?”
“This one.” Rob gestured to the air around him. “Now be a good lad and let us-”
“You are in the forest.”
Rob’s whiskers stiffened and everyone looked between the raticate and the mr rime.
“This is no building,” the gentleman-like pokemon went on. “This is the great outdoors. The big open wild. The forest, with a little cottage in the middle of it. Not a building!” He looked up at Rob’s friends. “And they call me mad?”
Rob’s whiskers were trembling. He stared blankly past the mr rime, his nose twitching at the warm air seeping out from the cottage. In an instant, the rat took off and shoved his way past the mr rime, eliciting a yell of surprise.
“Well excuse me!” The mr rime turned to watch after him and smoothed down his waistcoat. “What an alarming lack of manners!”
Swift, Gil and Zyzir were speechless (the latter for the first time since they’d arrived in the snowy world). They blinked at the mr rime who had now turned to address them again. But before he could, Swift raised a wing to cut him off.
“That was a little cold,” said the pidgey.
“Yes, it is cold,” said the mr rime.
Swift sighed and ruffled his feathers. “Look. Is this a Tea House? And if so, please can we come in?”
“Some of us struggle with the cold,” Gil explained. “All of us, actually. Swift and Zyzir here are flying-types, I myself am a ground-type. And Rob… he is an elderly raticate who’s bones complain with this weather.”
“Then what are you doing out in it?” asked the mr rime.
“We have been tasked with-” Gil was cut off by Swift waving a wing in their face. “Oh. A thousand pardons.”
The mr rime narrowed his eyes at them. “So… you would like tea?”
“Oh yes please!” Zyzir fluttered back and forth before him. “Fruit tea, please!”
“Hmph.” The mr rime stood aside and held the door open. “Very well. But there is very little room.”
The trio stepped through the warmth into a wide open room. A window was set beside a blazing fireplace, the chute of which curled along the wall where it finally ended where the spout was situated in the roof. Rob sat before the fireplace talking to - or rather talking at - a lopunny who was spreading a slice of toast with butter. The rabbit pokemon sat at the head of a very long table that looked as though it had been laid out for a rather large party. A few of the utensils were used and overturned, particularly at one edge of the table where a dedenne lay face down on a plate of butter. Bubbles rose from the butter in time with the rodent’s loud snores.
“This doesn’t look like a shop,” said Swift.
“Who said it was a shop?” asked the mr rime. “This is a house.”
“But… it says ‘Tea House’ outside,” Swift explained.
Gil nodded. “Backwards.”
“This is a house,” said the mr rime, “in the shape of a teapot. Where we drink a lot of tea. Therefore, Tea House.”
“But…” Swift was almost at a loss for words. “But this is only one room! You live here?”
The mr rime exchanged glances with the lopunny and nodded.
“Where do you sleep?” Gil asked.
The mr rime waved a paw towards the dedenne, who muttered buttery thoughts in their sleep.
“Huh,” said Swift. “Beginning to reconsider that cup of tea.”
“Lots of tea,” said the lopunny. “Help yourself!”
He then sat down, reached for his cup and stirred the contents with his butter knife.
“Come on then! Enough lollygagging!” The mr rime ushered them towards the table and practically plonked them down into their seats. Then he called out, “More tea!”
A teapot floated from the fireplace and drifted along the table. It stopped by Zyzir’s seat and tipped out a strange, purple tea.
“What flavor is this?” he asked. “Grape?”
The teapot’s lid lifted off, revealing a pair of swirling eyes in a purple watery face. “It’s Whatever You Want It To Be Tea!”
The trio stiffened, staring at the tea-like apparition. As it drifted along towards Gil, Zyzir sniffed his tea cautiously.
Rob appeared beside the pidgey, his whiskers twitching at the steaming contents in his tea cup.
“So…” Swift took a tiny sip of his drink and shook his head at the bitter taste. “Mr Rime-”
“My name is Hat Man Euston Von Clyde Senior the Fifth,” said the mr rime.
“I just call him Mr Hat,” said the lopunny.
“And I hate it,” said the mr rime. “Silly March has no manners whatsoever.”
“I ooze manners!” March loudly slurped his tea.
“Well it is a little long,” said Swift. “How about we just call you Hat?”
“Or Hatter?” Offered Zyzir.
“Hat Man is fine.” The mr rime took a sip of tea.
Rob ventured his own tea and recoiled in disgust. “This smells like perfume!”
“It is Earl Grey,” said Hat Man.
“I’ve never even heard of that,” said Rob.
“Mine does too,” said Zyzir. “I thought this was ‘Whatever You Want It To Be Tea’?”
“It is,” said Hat Man. “And I wanted it to be Earl Grey.”
Swift and his friends blinked in confusion. Before any of them could voice it, however, soot tricked from the fireplace. The group of four turned towards it, but Hat Man and March didn’t even twitch, nor did the dedenne. A flash of black appeared above the flames and Bootleg zipped into the room, sporting a red and white hat.
“Ho ho ho my goodness! Is it warm in here!” The mew landed at the opposite end of the table.
“No room!” Hat Man barked.
“No room whatsoever!” added March.
“No room… no room…” the dedenne mumbled into his butter.
Bootleg kicked his feet up on the table and tucked his paws behind his head. He waved the polteageist down and it drifted over to serve him.
“You aren’t welcome here, you ragamuffin,” said Hat Man. “Some nerve you have, inviting yourself in like that.”
“Oh dear. I don’t feel welcome at all,” said Bootleg. “And I thought you two were supposed to be the most welcoming pokemon here?”
“After what you did?” Hat Man snorted tea from his nose. “This blinkin’ winter is all your fault.”
Swift and his friends turned their heads towards the mew.
“That depends on which way you look at it.” Bootleg sipped his tea.
“Well we certainly look at it that way,” said Hat Man.
“Very much so,” added March.
Bootleg paused his tea sipping. “I needed to speak with these nice pokemon and see how they’re progressing.”
“Not very well, I’m afraid,” said Gil. “We do not even know what it is we are looking for.”
“And I want to know what he’s so upset about!” said Swift. “You said this winter is because of the White Queen!”
“It is,” said Hat Man. “But that mew there is responsible for the Snark.”
“As I’ve said a thousand times.” Bootleg fixed Hat Man with one purple eye. “I lost control of the Snark.” He closed his eye again in a beaming smile. “And now I need help to stop it!”
Swift let out a long sigh. “Well that’s a relief. So… have you any idea what we’re looking for? Or where we’re meant to be going?”
“You are in the right place,” said Bootleg. “That I can assure you.”
“Hang on,” said Rob. “If you know where it is, then why do you need us?”
“Because, as you can see, I am not very welcome here.” Bootleg met the narrowed eyes of Hat Man, and smiled. “He isn’t exactly going to give it up so easily.”
“If you are looking for the Teapot Cannon, I dropped it this morning.” Hat Man closed his eyes and slurped his Earl Grey.
Bootleg sighed and shook his head. “Such butterfingers.”
“Exactly!” March licked butter off his paw.
“So it’s broken?” Swift squeaked.
“Not exactly,” explained Hat Man. “Just lost.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Rob.
“I want a clean cup!” said Hat Man. “Move them over!”
The polteageist rose from his teapot and waved his arms anti-clockwise. The cups and saucers rose from the table and moved one over towards the mr rime. The clean cup situated between him and the other pokemon landed before him, while March ended up with his dirty one. Each of the four pokemon ended up with the cup beside them, which meant Zyzir ended up with a cup the mr rime had used earlier that morning.
The zubat’s nose crinkled and his ears drooped. “Yikes, what a mess!”
“It can’t be lost,” said Swift, returning to the dropped Teapot Cannon. “Where did you drop it?”
“Trust me, it’s lost,” said March. “He dropped it into the cup he had with his breakfast.”
“It alarmed me,” said Hat Man. “Sent all my tea right at the wall there.” He nodded at an unsightly stain on the wallpaper. “But if you can retrieve it, it’s yours.”
“Retrieve it how?” Swift asked.
“From the cup,” Hat Man answered, somewhat unhelpfully. “But trust me, everything that falls in there is lost forever.”
March let out a sad sigh. “I lost my last biscuit to that cup once. Such a sad time.”
“So wait…” Gil scratched their head. “We have to retrieve a teapot from inside a cup? How curious.”
“Twinkle twinkle little bat,” said the dedenne, “how I wonder where you’re at…”
“Help!” The cry was somewhat muffled, and all eyes turned to Zyzir’s seat.
But the seat was now empty.
Bootleg raised an eyebrow. “Oh dear. I guess he’s lost now too?”
Gil grabbed the teacup and peered inside it. The golett’s eyes lit up brighter and they jerked back in their seat slightly. Swift and Rob appeared at either shoulder to see what had distressed Gil. Inside the cup was a cloud of swirling purple, and Zyzir zipped back and forth erratically, his cries echoing feebly from within.
“Zyzir!” squeaked Swift. He turned to his friends. “What do we do?” Then to Bootleg, more frantically, “What do we do?!”
The mew shrugged and sipped his tea, reclining back in his seat.
“Well he’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot,” scoffed Gil.
“I tried one of those once,” said March around a mouthful of toast. “Tea everywhere.”
“Most unsightly mess,” added Hat Man.
Swift turned to Gil and Rob. “I think it’s safe to say no one here is going to help us. And we can’t just leave Zyzir.”
“Absolutely not,” said Rob. “I won’t allow it. I’ll go and find that young whippersnapper.”
“How?” asked Gil. “He appears to be lost in a vortex inside a teacup. And we are all a bit too big to get inside there.”
“So is Zyzir, but he managed it,” said Swift.
“No offence, but that youngster could get lost in a cardboard box,” said Rob. “This is no different. I’ll go in there and get him.”
“But it’s tiny,” said Swift. “Look!”
The pidgey stuck his wing into the cup and the feathers twisted and distorted, stretching out towards the vortex. He whipped his wing back and clutched it to his side, staring wide-eyed into the cup. Zyzir’s tiny form appeared briefly as he darted across the opening, then took off to fly further away from them.
“Okay,” said Swift more calmly. “What do we do?”
“I have a suggestion,” said Gil. “Based on what I just observed, it is possible to come back from the vortex. Otherwise, Swift here would have been sucked right in. If one of us goes inside, we can keep hold of them, like a living rope, if you will.”
Swift hugged himself and stared helplessly into the cup. “And if we fail?”
“Then we are lost,” said Gil. “And we will have failed Zyzir.”
They stared silently into the teacup as they processed this.
Rob cleared his throat, drawing their eyes. “Then I should be the one to do it.”
“Not at all!” said Swift. “Let me. I can fly.”
“I have a fantastic sense of direction,” said Rob. “And I’ve lived my life. You are youngsters. If I fail, at least you have the rest of your lives ahead of you.”
Swift swallowed around a lump in his throat.
“Pardon me,” said Gil, “but I believe I may be older than you are, Rob.”
“Spending time asleep, frozen in time, doesn’t mean you aren’t a youngster.” Rob grinned. “Let me do it. I’ll keep hold of you with my tail, okay?”
Gil and Swift nodded once.
Rob looped his tail into Swift’s talon, and the pidgey clamped onto Gil’s arm with the other. The cup was set on the table, and Rob shuffled over to it, poking his nose inside. His body stretched out like a piece of tattered rope and he vanished into the vortex. Swift kept hold of his tail, following Rob inside. He looked back over his shoulder at Gil, who’s arm was stretched out behind him. The golett looked miles away, and Rob seemed even further. His tail stretched like elastic, clasped tightly in Swift’s claws.
The raticate’s whiskers twitched as he tried to work his way over the floor. Each one was a section of floating tiles, and he made leaps of faith to find the next one. A high pitched whine filled the vortex, changing in pitch and frequency like some alien song. It drowned out Rob’s voice as he shouted for Zyzir. The zubat’s cries seemed distant as if he was far away. Round teabags bobbed in the air, passing by overhead like eyes in a sea of biscuit crumbs.
“Zyzir, can you hear me?!” Rob cried.
“Rob?!” Zyzir’s response was muffled, but he faltered in the air, turning his head towards his friend’s voice.
The raticate reared up on his hind legs. “Zyzir?!” An old teabag struck his ear and he grunted, swatting it away with a paw. “You see, this is why I don’t like littering. It’s a nuisance for everyone.”
“Rob!” Zyzir cried, soaring in circles. “Where are you?! All I can hear is this static shriek!”
“Follow my voice, boy!” Rob roared.
“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!” Zyzir circled, training his ear’s on Rob’s voice. “I think I’ve found you!”
The bat darted towards him as Rob kept moving forwards, shouting to the young zubat. Zyzir zipped nimbly beneath an old, soggy biscuit just as a large teapot bobbed into his flight path. He squeaked, beating his wings to get higher. But instead, he slipped through its lid and struck the wall inside. The lid clattered back into place, trapping the zubat.
“Rob, help, it’s dark!” he panicked.
Rob inclined his head on one side. “Zyzir? Why do you sound like you’re stuck in a box?”
“I think… I think I’m inside a teapot! Help!”
Rob muttered under his voice something about ‘troublesome youths’ and reached up with his claws. They found the handle of the teapot before it continued its journey through the vortex. He turned back towards his tail, tapping it with his whiskers. He followed it all the way back until his nose brushed against warm feathers.
“Is that you, Swift?” he asked.
The pidgey’s beak curled in a smile. “It is, Rob. Did you find Zyzir?”
“Let’s get out first, hey lad?”
Their bodies warped and twisted, and they poured out of the teacup onto the tablecloth. Gil’s eyes lit up and they clasped their hands together.
“Oh, thank goodness you are all okay!” The golett paused. “Where is Zyzir?”
Rob opened the teapot and the zubat shot out, darting amid the rafters.
“It ate me!” he cried. “It ate me then spit me back up!”
“You found the Teapot Cannon?” Swift gasped.
Rob chuckled. “You could say Zyzir found it.”
The group chuckled, and Zyzir came back down to investigate the odd teapot. Its long spout curled up like any other teapot, but its body was made of iron, and was as black as night.
“You actually tried to serve tea in this?” Swift asked Hat Man.
The mr rime shrugged. “It’s a teapot, isn’t it?” His brow furrowed and he looked away from them. “I am a ‘mon of my word. Since you found it, it’s yours.”
“We can return it after,” said Swift. “It’s to help defeat the Snark.”
“Snark?” Hat Man frowned at them. “You want to defeat the White Queen’s Snark? No one has succeeded.”
“You look puzzled,” said March. “Do you even know what a Snark is?”
“It is what the White Queen has, is it not?” asked Gil.
March snorted. “I guessed as much.”
“A Snark,” said Hat Man, “is a gentle creature. They can be told apart by those that have feathers and bite, and those that have claws and scratch.”
“For although Snarks do no common harm,” said March slowly, “some are Boojums.”
The group of four stared at them in silence.
“Why do I feel this is important?” said Swift.
Hat Man sipped his tea, while March returned to his toast. The dedenne rolled over in the butter and wiped a paw across his slippery nose.
“Well!” Bootleg rose from his seat and floated over to the group. “You have successfully obtained the Teapot Cannon! After that impressive stunt, I feel I aught to offer you a way out of here.”
“A way out? It’s just a house,” said Swift.
“After that endeavour, I wouldn’t mind a bit of help,” said Rob, digging his claws into the table. “But… can you please take us somewhere warm? And indoors?”
Bootleg tipped an imaginary hat. “I shall do what I can.”
...
(Continued in next post)
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