Pokémon Wandersword

[WildBoots]

Hey qva, read a couple chapters last night! (2 & 3.)

So here’s Prim! She’s tough, not just by training but by wiliness. She’d rather cheat than lose, though I can’t tell if it’s because she’s fiercely competitive or prideful. (She definitely didn’t seem afraid of Ulric or of what might happen if she lost.) Unprovoked, she’s not unkind, but she also doesn’t have an especially developed sense of empathy. All she wants is to create a situation that’s favorable to her.

I do wish I knew a bit more about what she wants and what her aspirations are. How high can a wandersword climb? From Ferry, we get a sense of how the lucario ended up among the knights—against their will—but we don’t know much about Prim’s background. Did she choose this or was it thrust upon her? What does she expect the life of a wandersword to be like?

Things aren’t off to an especially smooth start with the zoroark kidnapping, but they seemed to end in a neutral place. Ferry thinks no better of Prim, and she thinks no worse or him. What we get out of the exchange is mostly establishing stakes—possible dangers on the road.

I struggled a little with the motivations of the zoroark and with Ferry’s response to it. Seems like it’s out for a revenge kill and stealing his stuff ... but then why take him to its den? And I buy that it tricked Ferry into thinking it was a human, but I wish I had a sense of how he planned to deal with the human. A human in the middle of the night also cannot possibly be up to any good.

I do appreciate all the tangible, tactile detail here. This definitely feels like a medieval setting to me, hardtack and boiled leather and all. Heat and the elements are strong forces here, and the Lanceroute definitely comes alive in that way.

Some line-by-line remarks here:

Spoiler: Line-by-line comments

kicking back and throwing back a gulp of beer.

The double back is odd, but I do like how both of this actions show off her unruffled, carefree, jockish nature.

unidentified meat item.

Delicious.

Reckon she could kick everyone of our asses.

*Every one

You can afford to sleep in a little when you fight like that, the sergeants turn a blind eye.”

I think the second part here goes without saying.

Ooh,” Prim cooed, raising her eyebrows. “Big scary muscle man. I guess I’m in trouble, huh?”

Loved this. Get ‘im!

and his hands were no doubt big enough to cradle her skull like she might an apple.

Ooh what an image.

and an exerted grunt forced its way out of his lips.

You don’t need “exerted.”

The other tables took note and rose to their feet with them.

I was confused about the order or operations here. I hadn’t realized Prim or Ulric were on their feet.

The lucario were all lined up and looking quite grim, as they often did.

This line really sells her inability to empathize with them. She’s observing their behavior, but has little clue where it comes from and instead is almost scolding them in her mind.

The lucario didn’t seem particularly thrilled, either. Most of them stood staring at the ground, tails swishing, fists clenched. Some of them were panting, pink tongues undulating from behind their pointed teeth. Prim thought she was burning up… How hot must they have been under all that fur?

Almost empathy here! (And great sense of physicality!) But she’s still thinking of them as dogs, not people.

animalistic fury and strength than anyone or thing she’d ever met.

I’d either do “anyone or anything” or “any person or thing.”

standing here at the altar of her duty and achievement.

Ooh nice!!

This sweltering heat, the rugged and unkempt lucario she was to call partner for the foreseeable future

I liked this asymmetry too; she’s thinking partner, and he’s thinking slavery.

her steps practiced and formal and rhythmic. Ferrycloth stomped unceremoniously behind him,

I wasn’t sure if this was a typo or if the sargeant was also walking here. Unclear.

There was only one way to go from here.

“I hate you.”

I wanted that thought to extend a little more, even if it’s only the beginning of a thought about which way to go and it gets interrupted. I do like this juxtaposition though. Ah, yes, the way forward—dragged back.

Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, and continued walking. “But I guess we’re stuck together, huh?”

Lol polite but cold shutdown.

For better or worse, they were stuck together.

I get why he is stuck in this situation, but I feel like you could do more to sell why she needs him. Couldn’t she just sell him off or ditch him if he’s a liability?

Prim had known the lucario less than a day, but she'd already given up on expecting any thanks.

Hahaha, her obliviousness is kinda great. Reminds me a little of the dynamic between the child and Nate in Salvage. Look how nice I’m being by not killing you! Can I get some appreciation? God.

Two would be ideal, really, if Prim was honest.

This makes it sound like you’re characterizing her as dishonest as a rule. Maybe “to be honest”?

Its surface was about as even as a sandslash's

Sandslash’s back, perhaps? The front is pretty smooth.

she knew by now that she'd have better luck scrubbing the blue out of his fur.

Nice.

I'm... poorly learned on the lay of your country."

*Learned in?

I confess that I have wondered when this journey will end.

Right, what’s their goal?

I was a little confused what he was asking here. It sounds from context like a geography question, but the dialogue sounds like it’s about their career path.

Ferry sniffed and gave her maps another dubious look. "

I thought she didn’t have a map?

she might have to do it here, now, on the side of this desolate road.

This would’ve been a good place to reflect on the possibility of Ferry killing her in her sleep.

Are you going to run away?" she asked Ferry, suppressing a yawn. The question was mostly rhetorical. Ferry could try and run if he wanted, but there were only three ways to go: back to camp, where he would be executed for deserting; forward, to a town where he would no doubt be captured and sold as a slave to some other, inevitably less kind master; or away from the road and into the wilds, where wild beasts waited for bumbling blue-furred idiots to traipse into their maws.

Oof. Made more brutal by the casual way she asks. It might be nice to see a note of ... what a waste it would be to have to kill him, right? Or ... has she actually killed before? How ready is she to do it?

opened her mouth to say something else to her partner before she drifted off into sleep, but it never came.

This parsed a little oddly, I think because the order of operations is off. It feels like she drifts to sleep and then there’s an absence of words (which, duh) and not like she’s reaching for something to say but then falls asleep instead.

They were said to be everything a lucario should not: conniving, unscrupulous, solitary.

*should not be
I liked this insight into lucario culture though.

The fox was running his claws through Ferry's flesh, leaving shallow wounds in their wake.

Running claws through flesh is hard to visualize, I think because I imagine it would give more resistance than what’s implied here.

The sun had risen far enough by now that its golden light was glistening off the dew.

This might be a moment to wonder if Prim had left him for dead. If she’s practiced sleeping in shifts, I’m surprised she didn’t snap awake on her own in the night.

Then he had dragged him here, to his den perhaps a mile away.

I wanted a little more of a sense of place for this den!

Ferry squirmed again, as intensely

Intensity doesn’t feel like the right thing here. Force? Desperation?

He was now eye to eye with the dirt. There was a little ant crawling by.

I love the detail of the ant—he’s bored with this, despite his terror—but I’m not sure about eye to eye. The dirt doesn’t have eyes.

I do not let you go. I take your things and I leave you here to die. Fuck your honor."

Why would it “leave him” to die in its den? I also wasn’t sure how leaving him to die wasn’t letting him go.

Prim sheathed her sword unceremoniously and dabbed at the sweat beading on her brow as she regarded her fallen opponent.

Oh no she didn’t clean her blade!

eyes passing over the gashes on his cranium,

Is cranium really the word Ferry is thinking to himself?

One last observation: I thought it was interesting how quickly she jumps to calling him Ferry. I would love to see him either react to that pushy familiarity or to have her instead stick to the more formal Ferrycloth to show detachment, a contrast to calling him Ferry in his own narration.

This has been a fun read so far, and I’m looking forward to checking in on what comes next!

 

[IFBench]

I'm here to leave a review on the prologue of this!

The chapter title is quite interesting! I wonder just what is fortunate about this meeting?

The beginning is quite interesting. You paint High Priest Dorian as someone who thinks of himself as above others really well, via the extreme description of his Mudsdale and himself compared to unflattering description of the Lucario and Gogoat, the fancy long words used in his narration, and the fact that he appreciates that the Lucario needs to look up towards him creates an image of a very prideful man. Very well done.

Seems like this is a diplomacy meeting. I wonder why there were negative relations between the Empire and Lucario Tribe before? That's probably the reason for Dorian's negative descriptions of the Lucario Tribe.

Looks like Silverfoot has been in his fair share of battles.

Oh boy. Dorian has some beef with the previous high priest. I wonder what happened to Antoine?

Dorian is really arrogant about himself with him calling himself the right hand of God. I wonder just what happened when he got that tiara? Did it actually go as he said, or did he lie about it to gain power? Perhaps he murdered Antoine for it?

And looks like Silverfoot is talking back to Dorian! This probably won't end well.

Seems the strife between the Lucario Tribe and the Empire is a religious one. Interesting.

OH DEAR. Dorian just commanded his soldiers to kill or capture everyone in the village.

That was a terrifying way to end the chapter. Nicely done.

Overall, a great chapter that introduces a conflict, a character, and a tragedy very well.

I look forward to reading more!

 

[kyeugh]

hey everyone. i've since kicked off my rewrite of wandersword, and encourage you to read it—i think i've made some pretty good changes—but i wanted to thank everyone for their awesome feedback here. you've all really inspired me to write a better story, and i hope to do everyone's suggestions justice. thank you for sticking with me through this process and supporting my story, you guys are the best. ❤️

however, even though i've moved on from this iteration of the story, i felt like i owed it to these characters to wrap up their arcs. the prim and ferry and lauchs in the revision are not the same characters at all, and it didn't sit right with me just leave these threads unresolved. so, rushed though it may be, i decided to try my best and write a satisfying conclusion to these characters' story lines and touch on all the points i was hoping to hit here, just to provide some kind of closure. i know it isn't perfect, but i hope you guys enjoy this conclusion all the same.

Chapter 7: Glorious Revolution​

That night, Ferry dreamt for the first time in years.

In his dream, he was running faster than he’d ever run before, his legs a blur of black and blue below him, the landscape whirring by so fast it melted into a smooth streak of green. He didn’t know what he was running toward, nor did he care about what he was leaving behind. Prim, Lauchs, his ruined home city—they all felt so small and distant. All that mattered was that he was running, moving forward. The motion itself had meaning, value.

When he woke up, Ferry was somewhere different. His initial reaction was panic. Had he… really run all that way? No, that was nonsensical. Had he been kidnapped? Had Prim dumped him somewhere and took off on her own? He looked around frantically, chest heaving with anxious breaths, tongue flopping out of his muzzle involuntarily.

Some of these surroundings were oddly familiar, he realized with a start. The rolling hills, covered in patches of farmland and forest like a great green quilt. The stone peaks of buildings piercing the veil of mist in the distance. Yes, he’d been here before. He’d passed through as a riolu, in those days that were so fuzzy in his memory. He’s spent them bleary-eyed and unresponsive, his consciousness a mere echo. But now that he was here again, it came rushing back.

He was on the outskirts of Shallor.

But how had he gotten here? He looked down at his legs and noticed his legs were bulging. Was he imagining it, or had his muscles doubled in size? But even as he watched them, they deflated slowly.

He’d seen this once before, too, on that horrible day.

Silverfoot, the village chief, had fought to the bitter end against the human invaders. Ferry remembered watching with awe and hope as the elder wolf zipped around the battlefield at blinding speed, his legs swollen and rippling with muscle, a deafening crack filling the air with each burst of speed. The technique had a name, he recalled.

Extreme Speed.

That dream hadn’t been a dream at all, had it? He knew what he had to do. In an instant, Ferry was gone. The burst of sound he left behind shook birds from the trees, and then it was as if he had never been there at all.

---

“So you expect us to believe you developed the ability to run at incredible speeds overnight,” Prim said, “and that you can go to and from Shallor in an instant, and also that you will be able to carry us there.”

Ferry scowled. “Yes, I do expect you to believe that,” he growled. “Because it’s what happened. Where did you think I was all night?”

“I don’t know. Sleeping? I’m not convinced you went anywhere at all.”

“Then how do you explain these?” he asked, gesturing at his bulging calves.

“They’re very impressive,” Lauchs admitted. “Surely I would have noticed them before, hoho. Say, I’ll humor you, old boy.”

Ferry almost grimaced. Somehow he hadn’t thought as far ahead as actually having to carry Lauchs. But he suppressed his irritation and allowed Lauchs to approach him. “Get on my back,” he said, turning around and looking over his shoulder.

“I’m not sure about that,” Lauchs said hesitantly. “I’m quite heavy, you know. All this muscle has some weight to it, not to mention my armor.”

“I can handle it,” Ferry said, only half sure he actually could. “Just get on.” Lauchs did as he requested, and Ferry was relieved to find that he could, in fact, support Lauchs’s weight. It was a little uncomfortable, but his legs didn’t so much as buckle from the added load.

“Hang on tight,” he said. He felt Lauchs’s grip tighten, and Ferry launched into motion before the duck could fire off some shitty wisecrack. By the time they were going, he was too busy clinging onto Ferry for dear life to open his beak. It only took a few moments for them to arrive.

Ferry stopped abruptly in roughly the same spot he had woken up that morning, and Lauchs promptly fell off, arms frozen in place as if he were still desperately clutching Ferry’s phantom. “I’ll be right back,” the lucario said, and then he was back in front of Prim. Her eyes were wide with disbelief. Ferry just motioned for her to climb onto his back, and she did so without comment. Then, in a blink, the three of them were all on the outskirts of Shallor together.

“Welcome back!” Lauchs exclaimed, massaging his arms. “So here we are. The great city of Shallor, eh? Seat of the empire. I must say, I didn’t expect we’d be here so soon… But I’m not one to look a gift gogoat in the mouth, ohoho!”

Prim peeled herself off Ferry’s back and dusted herself off for some reason. “Yes,” she said. “We’ll accompany you to the castle, then, and I suppose we’ll part ways after that.”

“Indeed,” Lauchs said. “Quite sorry that our meeting was so short. I’d hoped to travel with you and teach you a few things, but… Ah, well, perhaps our paths will converge again. No sense in waiting, then.” He began walking toward the city, his legs a little shaky, and the rest of them followed him into the heart of Shallor.

Ferry’s stomach was a pit.

---

The castle guard didn’t need much convincing before granting the three of them entry. Lauchs had explained his situation—“your king is holding my brother, the rightful King of the Forest Throne of Fetscheim, in his dungeons; I’m here to negotiate his release, you see”—and they seemed to recognize him after that. One of the guards led the three of them to the throne room for an immediate audience with the king. Ferry found it surprising he had nothing better to do, but then the king wasn’t a very developed character at this point, he supposed—he might as well exist solely to cater to the needs of the protagonists, why not.

The king was a fat man with a short beard and thinning hair. He looked shockingly like, well, a normal person, even sitting in that ornate throne with all his regal garb. “Ser Lauchzelot,” he said, his voice cordial and higher than expected. “I have been expecting your company, though I admit I did not expect it so early. And I see you’ve brought my lovely, rebellious daughter with you, as well! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Lauchs and Ferry looked to Prim at once, their eyes bulging. “You—,” Lauchs sputtered, his feathers standing up on end. Ferry didn’t know what to say himself. He just clenched his fists and scowled.

“I…” Prim looked like she was searching for some sort of elaborate explanation, but she eventually deflated, and her words came out sheepishly: “Yes, I’m the princess of Kalos. Or at least, I used to be. Not since I took up the sword, Dad. I’m my own woman now.”

“Yes, yes, of course you are,” he king said, waving his hand dismissively. “Very good. Now, Ser Lauchzelot, about your brother…”

“Yes,” Lauchs said quickly, apparently ready to put the revelation about Prim’s ancestry behind him already. Ferry wasn’t quite so ready to let it go himself, but he knew better than to interupt now—after all, it seemed he was the only one in the room not of royal descent. “I have brought you an ultimatum. I demand you release my brother from your dungeons and recognize him as the rightful King of Fetscheim.”

“That’s not much of an ultimatum,” the king said, stroking his beard.

“Or…,” Lauchs added, an edge creeping into his voice, “or I will strike you down here, and all of your progeny and relatives, one by one, until there is no one left to rule your farce of an empire.”

The words echoed in the room. Ferry felt he was leaving his body. How could any of this be real? Lauchs was going to personally exterminate Prim’s entire bloodline, is that was he was saying? He was going to get them all killed just for suggesting such a thing. Yet the king simply looked down at the three of them, his expression grave. Then he spoke: “I do not think that will be necessary.”

Lauchs smiled. “I knew you would see reason, my lord,” he said.

“Indeed. Your ancestral throne shall be restored. In fact… Palarticho, you can come out now.” At those words, a sirfetch’d emerged from behind the throne. Unlike Lauchs, this one’s plumage was a radiant gold, and he stood a head taller than Lauchs at least.

“Arty!” Lauchs exclaimed, and he dashed up the stairs, wings extended. The other sirfetch’d ran to him, a wide smile splitting his face because it makes sense for birds to smile shut the fuck up. They collided into a tight, manly embrace. The sound of Lauchs’s gentle sobbing filled the chamber.

“Ah, but that’s not all…,” the king said. “King Bertram, you may show yourself.” A third sirfetch’d emerged from behind the throne, this one a pure, radiant white, with a beard that fell to his knees.

“Father!” Lauchs and Arty cried at once, and the three of them coalesced into a single embrace of feathers and hearty laughing and crying.

“What a lovely reunion,” Prim said, dabbing at her cheeks with a cloth.

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Ferrycloth,” the king said, his eyes twinkling. Ferry felt like his bones were vibrating at the sound of his name. At least a dozen lucario filtered out from behind the throne now, of all shapes and sizes and colors. He recognized all their faces, and he could have sworn most of them had died on that horrible day all those years ago—yet here they all were. They poured down the stairs, whoops and howls escaping them as they did, and piled onto Ferry all at once.

“Mother,” he sobbed, a thousand emotions that I don’t care to describe swirling around inside him as everything that had been taken from him came flooding back at once. “Father. Brother. Oh, Chief Silverfoot… Everyone…”

“And that’s not all!” the king exclaimed. Now he stood from his throne and reached into his pocket. His hand emerged from it full of something—he tossed whatever it was down at the group, and it clattered on the floor. It was hard for Ferry to get a good look at it from within the lucario pile, but it seemed to be a bunch of amber-colored stones, streaked with blue…

They all began to glow. Ferry felt lightning in his veins, and his overwhelming emotion overflowed from him, mixing with the bright light his family was all radiating, too, bathing the throne room in incandescence.

When it faded, he was larger than before. His aura feelers fell to his waist now, and he was quite a lot spikier. Not only that, but he could read the hearts and minds of everyone in the room. All their powerful emotion became his, and he wept with joy and relief.

“And a surprise for you too, my daughter!” the king boomed. He produced a large, silver sword from behind the throne room. A huge blue ribbon trailed from it. He tossed it to Prim, who caught it deftly. To her surprise (we’re in Prim’s head now, Ferry is too busy being in a pile), the sword had a face—and a voice.

“Would you like to destroy some evil today?”

“Feel free to test it out on this army of goletts!” the king said, and like a hundred gollets spilled out from behind the throne, clambering all over each other and tumbling down the stairs. “They’re just stupid robots and not real people so it doesn’t matter if you slice them into pieces!” And Prim did just that. She hacked and slashed with utter abandon, and pieces of green stone flew everywhere, light fading from golletts’ crudely-fashioned heads as they were severed from their bodies.

“Wahoo! This is a blast!”

“That’s right!” the king crowed. “And I have one more surprise for you all! Ferry, I’m marrying your father!”

“Yes, that’s right!” Ferry’s mother exclaimed. “I approved of this and think it is awesome and hot!”

“Yes, yes! Prim and Ferry, you’re siblings now! I’m gay marrying your dad!”

"I love you, dads!" Ferry exclaimed, his mega eyes overflowing.

And everyone just thought that was awesome even though this is set in like 1066.

 

[NebulaDreams]

And it was all a dream. Or something like that. But dream away, Ferry, because by Arceus, you need a good dream.

 

[Pen]

What a satisfying conclusion. So bold, yet so realistic. Innovative, and yet true to the characters. Progressive without being discomforting. I particularly like how all the social injustice that underlay Ferry and Lache's personalities is revealed to be illusory and how Ferry is able to let go of his unnecessary grievances. And how Prim's ambivalent feelings about her role as an enforcer of state violence turn out to be cover for a much more personal anxieties about her role as princess. I think this story makes a powerful feminist statement at the end when Prim indiscriminately slaughters narratively designated non-people; truly, that is what empowerment looks like. I can't forget to comment on the extremely powerful ending. The fact that there was no narrative build-up to the marriage and its instant acceptance really gave the moment impact and credibility. Obviously I'll still read the redux, but I have to be honest--I'm not sure you can top this.

If it gets adapted into a TV series I expect you'll win at least 38 emmies.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

This was such a fantastic chapter. Truly. Amazing.

Lauchs was going to personally exterminate Prim’s entire bloodline

I can't believe Lauchs would do that, I'm shaking

it makes sense for birds to smile shut the fuck up

Yes yes not only can duck men smile, but they have teeth too haven't you seen Chicken Run

tight, manly embrace

I became manlier just reading about this embrace

They’re just stupid robots and not real people so it doesn’t matter if you slice them into pieces!

Genuinely distressed thinking about all the adorable little Gils getting slaughtered

Ferry, I’m marrying your father!

Yes, good, perfect. This is my new One True Pairing. I'm so glad they're getting gay married.

Yes, that’s right!” Ferry’s mother exclaimed. “I approved of this and think it is awesome and hot!

Lost my shit at this

his mega eyes

And again at this

everyone just thought that was awesome even though this is set in like 1066.

I don't see the problem

This was tremendously entertaining. The gradual drip of absurdity turning into a full flow and then a torrent was perfectly fucking paced. I was wheezing. Thank you. Thank you. Truly.

 

[WildBoots]

They collided into a tight, manly embrace

Damn, these are the words I was missing as I was frantically trying to write before sprinting out the door from my dentist appointment, lololol. Where were you earlier???

a thousand emotions that I don’t care to describe

Mood. Narrator for best character of the year?

“And that’s not all!” the king exclaimed.

And you get a car, and you get a car!

Wow, I'm so glad there was a happy ending. Not just gay marriage, inter-species gay marriage!! I also love the mood of I un-ship my characters so hard I'm going to bend time and space and the laws of this time period to make them siblings. 👏

Might as well quit the other while you're still ahead!

 

[kintsugi]

a wander of swords

this is the seventh chapter of wandersword and we've been waiting months for it
a dream of spring is the seventh book in a song of ice and fire and we've been waiting years for it

coincidence? i think not. in this essay i shall explain the true secret behind the iron-type pokemon.

Ferry’s stomach was a pit.

ferry's stomach was a pit. do you know what isn't a pit?

chaos. chaos isn't a pit.

this makes perfect logical sense as well; if ferry's stomach were a ladder, it would be difficult to climb. compare to lauch's stomach, which is a pit of a different kind--while ferry's pit is metaphorical, lauch's is literal, in the sense that he can never eat enough food to consume the aching void that having his people systematically slaughtered may have created. prim's stomach is also a pit, in the hip sense, akin to the phrase, "this is the pits". it's all coming together.

By the time they were going, he was too busy clinging onto Ferry for dear life to open his beak. It only took a few moments for them to arrive.

an obvious reference to the logical progression of how getting more power and killing your enemies gets you what you want--a common theme in a song of ice and fire. by the end of season 8 (which is agreed to be a perfect incarnation of the books), the cast has become powerful enough that they unlock fast travel. it is only fitting that in this moment, in this very last moment, ferry unlocks it as well.

At those words, a sirfetch’d emerged from behind the throne. Unlike Lauchs, this one’s plumage was a radiant gold, and he stood a head taller than Lauchs at least.

an older, taller brother with golden hair and a golden hand? need i say more?

A third sirfetch’d emerged from behind the throne, this one a pure, radiant white, with a beard that fell to his knees.

okay this one is actually an obscure reference to a very niche fandom but i think i've figured it out

really loved the star wars droids showing up too. it's always great when your enemies aren't people and you can just slaughter them while looking cool. game of thrones does this too, although they take the clever route of making their enemies people first and then ruining their characters until they regress back into cardboard cutouts, at which point you no longer care if they live or die.

10/10 if you adapted this into a tv series i think less than half of the internet would send you hate mail two years after the finale

 

[Chibi Pika]

wow im finally here it's only been 2 weeks

But how had he gotten here? He looked down at his legs and noticed his legs were bulging. Was he imagining it, or had his muscles doubled in size? But even as he watched them, they deflated slowly.

With just one line, you manage to instantly tell us what kind of story this is going to be. 👌

“Then how do you explain these?” he asked, gesturing at his bulging calves.

“They’re very impressive,” Lauchs admitted. “Surely I would have noticed them before, hoho. Say, I’ll humor you, old boy.”

Ferry still hasn't quite seemed to figure out what's going on, but that's okay, he'll catch on.

“Indeed,” Lauchs said. “Quite sorry that our meeting was so short. I’d hoped to travel with you and teach you a few things, but… Ah, well, perhaps our paths will converge again. No sense in waiting, then.”

At first I was a bit surprised that you were going to be separating them so soon, until I realized what a wise move skipping all that boring stuff was. Efficiency!

Ferry found it surprising he had nothing better to do, but then the king wasn’t a very developed character at this point, he supposed—he might as well exist solely to cater to the needs of the protagonists, why not.

Everyone knows the main characters are the most popular, why bother trying to pretend that side characters are people.

“I…” Prim looked like she was searching for some sort of elaborate explanation, but she eventually deflated, and her words came out sheepishly: “Yes, I’m the princess of Kalos. Or at least, I used to be. Not since I took up the sword, Dad. I’m my own woman now.”

This manages to be both a shocking plot twist and perfectly appropriate to her character, rejecting girly things like being a princess because everyone knows swords are ten times cooler.

“Or…,” Lauchs added, an edge creeping into his voice, “or I will strike you down here, and all of your progeny and relatives, one by one, until there is no one left to rule your farce of an empire.”

Lauchs casually threatening Prim's bloodline clearly show us the kind of stakes we're dealing with in a serious and mature way.

The other sirfetch’d ran to him, a wide smile splitting his face because it makes sense for birds to smile shut the fuck up.

As the resident expert, I give this the seal of approval. (Source: went to bird school, which is for birds.)

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Ferrycloth,” the king said, his eyes twinkling. Ferry felt like his bones were vibrating at the sound of his name. At least a dozen lucario filtered out from behind the throne now, of all shapes and sizes and colors. He recognized all their faces, and he could have sworn most of them had died on that horrible day all those years ago—yet here they all were. They poured down the stairs, whoops and howls escaping them as they did, and piled onto Ferry all at once.

What a heartwarming and flawlessly satisfying end to his character arc, trading all that pesky misery and angst for 100% satisfying and earned catharsis.

To her surprise (we’re in Prim’s head now, Ferry is too busy being in a pile), the sword had a face—and a voice.

This was a clear and concise way of showing the narrator change, which is something a lot of authors struggle with for some reason even though the solution is right here.

“Feel free to test it out on this army of goletts!” the king said, and like a hundred gollets spilled out from behind the throne, clambering all over each other and tumbling down the stairs. “They’re just stupid robots and not real people so it doesn’t matter if you slice them into pieces!”

This is the perfect way to show just how much a level in badass Prim has taken, and not horrible at all.

“Yes, yes! Prim and Ferry, you’re siblings now! I’m gay marrying your dad!”

"I love you, dads!" Ferry exclaimed, his mega eyes overflowing.

And everyone just thought that was awesome even though this is set in like 1066.

Beautiful. Not only has our beloved cast gotten a fitting end to their arcs, but they've also toppled societal norms while they're at it! I can't think of a more satisfying note to end this story on.

10/10. starts out normal before slowly descending into full-blown insane-o town. loved it.