The White Elephant in the Room Playground

[Fusion]

"How this committee hasn't fallen apart with employees like Zeke and a president like Caine is beyond me," Lee shrugged. "If Santa isn't the one behind this, then I'll eat someone else's liver. I myself haven't seen his body, and Elbert's technology has already proven to be about as reliable as a coward afraid of children, so for all I care Santa is still alive and well."

"Should we give that console the attention it's begging for, or just leave it to rot? I'm getting rather sick of standing around watching Zeke run with his tail between his legs whenever someone smaller than him enters the room."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse sighed. "Yeah, yeah, sure thing I guess."

He planted the empty can on Zeke's desk. "We can hear you from wherever 'cause of how this shit works. If y'need us, just call, I guess."

Jesse gave Lee's back a pat and head back to the lobby.

 

[Fusion]

Lee grinned, following beside Jesse. "As long as that PS3 shuts the hell up, this should be fun. I haven't actually had the chance to use the Wii yet, now that I think about it. Wonder what it knows about me."

Hopefully not too much.

For the love of god...

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse smirked to himself.

"Well, I ain't especially suspicious of anyone right now, and everythin' is bullshit. Let's kill time. What say you 'n' I go on a date, partner?"

 

[Fusion]

What say you 'n' I go on a date, partner?

"A da--" Lee hiccupped. "A-A da--" he cleared his throat and crossed his arms. He slipped up so much already, now he was being toyed with. This was outrageous, unfair, even! How could he call himself a beast if he was getting knocked around by this universe and this dastardly smooth, cowboy fox? Inconceivable!!!

"I could certainly find some enjoyment in that," Lee nodded, grinning.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Right you are."

Jesse strode back into the cabin's living area with Lee in tow and faced the Wii.

"Got any datin' options fer m'self and my pal here, you fuckin' decrepit contraption?"

 

[IFBench]

Gen didn't have many othe options, so he decided to watch from the sidelines. He fidgeted with his Reunion Cape with a nub.

 

[Tanuki]

“I don’t work for them! They stole my research!” Zeke shouted from the safety of Palkia’s rear.

When they entered the cabin (still smaller on the outside, somehow), they heard the brief wailing of the Wii before it quieted itself to somber sobs. “Wh-where were you?” it sniveled. “Y-you were with some slutty smartphone, weren’t you!”

 

[Fusion]

When they entered the cabin (still smaller on the outside, somehow), they heard the brief wailing of the Wii before it quieted itself to somber sobs. “Wh-where were you?” it sniveled. “Y-you were with some slutty smartphone, weren’t you!”

"Oh yeah, I'm totally into... bricks of metal and glass," Lee said sarcastically. "With, uh, a built in screen... and tilt controls..?" That was essentially the extent of his knowledge about phones.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

Abigail scoffed at the Wii. "Lucky for you, I don't have one here. What're you whining about, anyways? Need us to play more games? Gonna flip out again with the fucking eyeballs? What's your deal?"

 

[Tanuki]

"I've been nothing but good to you!" the Wii sobbed. "Those eyes were the iPod and you know it! What's next? Are you going to sign up for Pokémon Mingle?" It sniffled some more, trying to recuperate, but making next to no progress.

Rally was now laying down right next to it, his entrance and approach imperceptible. "Shhh, shh, it's all right honey," he cooed. "You're the best datin' service on the mount. They wouldn't dream of leavin' you, only did 'cause they had to. You bind better'n feet to a board?"

"Y-you mean it?" the Wii responded.

Rally held his hand to his heart. "Swear on m'skis, honey, y'hear?"

It did hear, evidently, and recovered after only a few more sniffles. "I'm sorry," it said. "It's just, ever since they tossed me between those couch cushions..." It almost went into another fit, but Rally's hold kept it steady. "Jesse, Lee, you said you wanted to date? What kind of experience were you looking for?"

Rally caressed it a few more times before standing up with an encouraging nod.

Zeke had returned to his equations after he triple checked that the children were gone. "The committee didn't forget the journals, did they?" he asked. "They should be next to everyone's bedside tables and have a record of everyone's actions and thoughts, well," he tapped his pen against his head in search of an analogy. "Not all your thoughts, just surface level. Sort of like... ah, like whatever someone roleplaying as you would write in a post to a forum. Given the current timeframe, I'd estimate they would have..." he hummed to himself while doing the math in his head. "Oh, around one-thousand and fifty-one entries, give or take."

The committee had not forgotten the journals. Everyone had one on top of their bedside table, each identical in content, but unique in that they matched the user's handwriting. They would make recalling past events or words as simple as this:

Abigail scoffed at the Wii. "Lucky for you, I don't have one here. What're you whining about, anyways? Need us to play more games? Gonna flip out again with the fucking eyeballs? What's your deal?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

"Ah yes, the journals. I've memorized mine!" Palkia declared cheerfully. The space dragon then phased through the floor and reappeared next to the Wii, leaving Zeke unguarded.

 

[Tanuki]

Alone. Vulnerable. Zeke desperately considered clinging to Palkia once more before it left. Even a different palkia gave him solace he lost when Pallister left. Even seeing Palkia leave opened up some old wounds. He missed Pallister. He might never get a chance to speak his heart to the dragon legendary, either, with his mortality in the hands of someone incompetent as the President of the Universe.

He knew, though, that he couldn’t come. Different palkia, same anxieties. He had equations to write, he reasoned. Just like he had when Pallister left.

“Palkia!” gasped the Wii, as if caught at a crime scene. “I-I’m sorry to say that Jesse was looking to date Lee right now. I’m sure, though, that—that—Rally! Abigail! Both I’m sure would happily accompany you on a romantic outing!” Its fans whirred, embarassment threatening to melt its components.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Jesse pawed at his cheek fur and groaned.

"Whyyyyyy does nothin' ever make any goddamn sense in this reality?"

He steadied himself against Lee. "Yeah, Zeke, we got the journals. Why d'you ask? And, uh, Wii. Gimme somethin' to make yer ears burn, will'ya?"

 

[Fusion]

The committee had not forgotten the journals. Everyone had one on top of their bedside table, each identical in content, but unique in that they matched the user's handwriting. They would make recalling past events or words as simple as this:

"Bold of you to assume I would want a recap of everything that happened here," Lee rolled his eyes. "Well... maybe just the freakshow that other Wii and that small phone looking thing did. And that time me and Jesse got drinks from Darkwhite... or just anytime we got drinks, really. Haven't had a drinking buddy in deca--"

Jesse steadied himself against Lee.

Whatever the living-being equivalent of a record scratch was, played in Lee's head basically immediately, locking his face in some dumbfounded expression. Physical contact was the bane of his existence. It did nothing but distract him from the task at hand! Like his date with Jesse.

Thinking that seemed to cause another record scratch.

 

[Shiny Phantump]

"Sorry, Wii." Abigail shrugged. "It looks like I'm the last lass standing. There's nobody left here for me to date."

 

[Tanuki]

Jesse pawed at his cheek fur and groaned.

"Whyyyyyy does nothin' ever make any goddamn sense in this reality?"

He steadied himself against Lee. "Yeah, Zeke, we got the journals. Why d'you ask? And, uh, Wii. Gimme somethin' to make yer ears burn, will'ya?"

“Ears burn? Oh, like at the beach when you forget sunscreen!” the Wii deduced. “Would you like beach volleyball or suntan lotion rub off?” The two options appeared on screen with rudimentary rules beneath them. Volleyball was simple as the game itself, but suntan lotion rub off seemed to add up points based on coverage and pleasure.”

 

[Fusion]

Lee had made the mistake of finding a cup of water to drink, and as such, he choked and spit the water back into the cup. "Wh-What kinda game is that?!" he coughed, getting rid of his cup. "Isn't this a fucking family console?"

If he put on a show that this was absurd, no one would notice how much redder his face got.

 

[Tanuki]

Yeah, Zeke, we got the journals. Why d'you ask?

Zeke diligently worked on his cosmically enforced summer break math homework while waiting for an answer. After finishing the better half of two pages, he slapped his paw to his face. “Why did I ask them a question? The sound’s only one way.”

"Isn't this a fucking family console?"

“I-I’m sorry, you’re right,” the Wii bumbled. “Beach volleyball is a bit too risqué, especially with kids in the room.” With that, it selected sun tan lotion rub off and spat a bottle of sun tan out of its disk tray. “Who would like to go first?”

 

[Fusion]

"I-I'm sorry, you're right. Beach volleyball is a bit too risqué, especially with kids in the room.”

"God, thank you," Lee scoffed. "Finally, some reasonable thought in this hell."

It wasn't for a few seconds that Lee realized which game the console excluded, and the game it set forward. He would have corrected himself, but found himself choking on his words. Hopefully someone else would fix it. Or not, who knows?